Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - 6 Dildos & Sully

Episode Date: June 5, 2017

This week on YKWD: We have a killer episode with Robert Kelly and Guests Paul Virzi, Liza Treygar and Greg Fitzsimmons! Liza opens up about a new lesbian long distance romance she's gotten herself into and how she is now "switching teams!" We talk vibrators and porn which gets extremely hot and heavy and leads to a shut down on the YKWD YouTube Page. Jim Serpico also swings by to hang! Watch/Listen/Share/Enjoy and find out what happens in this week's crazy episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network. Riotcast.com. Yes, what's up? What do you like? Do you like, what do you think? Smoking the bandit or cannonball run? Which one? I'll tell you at the end of this ad.

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If you think differently there's something wrong with you. And there you go, you know what the dirt smoking the bandit done. Got him a hat fell off. I hope you got him head was in it. Deepdiscount.com Welcome to the funniest podcast of the Planet planet. This is gonna be a cost-effective podcast. No rules. What are the mic-asshole? I'm sure I've already said should I regret? Can I get a microphone?

No! That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of eyes on. It's just us sitting down and happening. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's... ...tanned no topics, no directions. I love doing it.

Way both sides of the coin. That's how it all starts, you love it. You want a day thing? My podcast is popular, I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kelly's You Know What You Podcast Unflightcast.com Oh Just an old And then head comes I want them on I want them on a tube You look like my uncle Michael right now

We have a very special edition of you know what Dude, it's late night, which we go once in a while because there's certain comics that can't do day times. And two of them are here, you get to do day times. Yeah, usually sleep right until the podcast. But Paul Verzi is like, dude, fuck that dude, if you're doing night one, I'm in. Yeah, yeah, I got, you know, the kids, I got the, yeah, I got you know, you know, the kids I got the school bus I got to do a whole fucking the school around the room and to do it's everybody sweetie Yes, it we have the very funny Lisa Trigger back on like you to be back on and back right from her love-making weekend Oh, I gotta get with you. This story. Wow met a girl and isn't love Went to fucking T dot wearing the sweatshirt went to T dot

went to fucking T dot wearing the sweatshirt went to T dot and fucking had some love making up there and of course we got Paul Versey Paul Versey yes sir thank you for having me West Chess is best Chester I do it at least 20 minutes away but three hours for us takes it to his house it takes me 10 minutes if dude there's no traffic what's your own life if I your own life? If I had a get- if I had a get- spaceship fucking nothing takes me five seconds. I'm gonna stand in two seconds. Other than that, it's now in 45 minutes. But listen, I love my host dude. I got a back out.

Yeah, I got fucking, yeah. You make me sound like I'm Joe Pesci if you got shrunken down. Dude, I'm not dance-out or I don't do impressions. And then- And then we have a first time guest, Greg Fitzsimons. The Greg Fitzsimons. One of my favorite people, not comedians. I can't believe it's your first time. Not comedians. I mean, I like it.

No, I'm kidding. One of the funniest guys walk in, and one of my favorite people in the business, one of the nicest guys from here to there. You know, is that the spectrum of life or was that in this room? From what I met you to right now. Right.

You know, some guys, when you meet them here, sometimes when you get here, you know what I mean? Shitty were all intros. What the fuck? Yeah. I feel good. I feel good. I'm gonna use a trigger on the show and Paul,

from fucking Westchester, make it from the distance. But you know, I feel like fucking. Don't loot me into your insecurity. She liked it. Thank you. He said, oh, fuck you, you're as insecure as I am. He said all that nice shit, but did you notice? Like he couldn't make eye contact

while he did it here to look away. I could say it was too intimate and it was too nice. I could say right to your face, I love you. I love you too, man. Fuckin' love you always have, always will. But why is it this is on his first time? That's a good thing. Cause he lives in LA.

He lives in LA. All right. He lives in LA. He's never here. He's been here. He doesn't like me the way I like it. I'm really. He doesn't like me at all.

That's the fun part about this relationship. He's hated me since they want to know. One of the, I'm going to say this too. And Paul, look, I apologize, but I thought that was a fun little intro for you. I was joking. Well, I got hurt. I'm, um fun little intro for you. I was joking. Well, I got hurt. My feelings got hurt. I'm joking. One of the reasons one of the

people, I've said it before, when I came to New York, you had said something to me, just in passing, you said, when I got my first money, I bought an apartment. First thing I did, I bought a place in Manhattan. That was my goal. Boom, I'm buying a place and you did. And that's the exact same thing I did. You did it. Because of you and my brain.

Yeah. And of course Bill Burr. Dude, the bank stood, the bank, she got to get your fucking money out of the banks. Put it in there. Pay the whole fucking thing off. Dude, pay it off. Yeah, I could, but I'm not, I'm selling off, I'm selling half off on side splitters in Tampa.

I'm not doing theaters, but do pay the whole thing off. You got to pay it right. Uh, I can't do a burr. Yeah. I'm playing on the Vinnie's. Okay. I can't pay the whole thing off with half cash, half check. Right.

Told the mortgage broker. He can have free drinks. Yeah, that's so, but I did buy my place when I did tourgasm, uh, that money I made after I, I fucking work like a dog on the road after tourgasm because everybody knows I didn't get a dime from tourgasm. Signing, hey, buddy, you gotta sign this. The exposure will be great. Oh, there we go.

Buddy, nine weeks on HBO, the sopranos is our lead. And wait, it wouldn't pay. That's a pretty good. Didn't pay you? Not one. Fucking dumb. No, that's fuck. No, no, I had to sign a waiver.

What? What? You heard it here first. Read it. What, you never got anything? No, shit. I had to go on, the only way I made money. I got paid 1,000 a show to do this tour.

When we did it. You got 1,000 a set. But when they sold, when it was on HBO, I didn't even get s- Ag, motherfucker. That's weird. Which I think it, but they made me sign away. Yeah.

Something, they were like, she used it. Yeah, I remember I said, they were like, yeah, if you don't sign it, we're not, we can't air air it and it would be better for your career. And I was just like, I'm gonna be on the beach. They just know we're all desperate as hell. Oh, I was desperate. So annoying. I don't know. We're in the attic of a place in the village working for free on a podcast. Are we? Yeah, we still say yes. Well, that really hurts my feelings. This was the highlight of my day.

Thank you for fucking it. I couldn't wait. Thank you so much for being honest, because it's your highlight today. I didn't even, from my nap. What'd you do today? Fucking hang in the room with a bunch of the dudes that look like you going, what about this?

What about that? No, no, not that. He wouldn't say that. Hey, John, hey, John. John, John's one second. Just let me get five seconds. that he would say that uh... uh... uh... uh... judge one second is let me get five seconds as one of it is what a picture is thought you want to explain your listeners with the fuck you're talking about well you

are writer on the hit show on hb on hb where you get paid that's right almost didn't we had a writer strike on may first almost i almost I was praying for that. We were starting on May 2nd I was praying for that just to break something. I just was gonna stop pitching reality shows Factor I attack us then Telling jokes this summer on travel channel fat Bob comes to Alaska No, I was kidding. I'm in the writer's reunion. I'm with you guys. All right. Yeah. Well don't say it like you're fucking shocked

Well, what did you write on? That's a good question. What is writing right now? Why I just want more fun This is Day jobs listen, what I'm talking about buying real estate. Oh, yeah, that's more fun Go listen hang on there, fucking co-catic. I know it's, I don't want to cope. I know you don't. It was a joke.

I'll be doing knowing. Oh, my God. You fucking working on it right now. You're right for crashing. Yeah. Is this your first year writing for it? Yeah, I wasn't on the first year. I came on this year.

Well, we're going to know this year if it's a good show. It's gonna spike I was good burr is on he's doing an episode. Oh, I see I just wrote a script for him. Oh, you wrote one for yeah, yeah They get more interesting right that it's actually fascinating So you can just write somebody here. Oh my god. No, did I tell you the reason why I bought my first place? Thank you for that, by the way. I rented a Palm Springs house for my 30th birthday for Liberty Weekend. Did you over here, Fitty, mentioning that he did that?

No, I didn't, but what sucks is then I got news that my wisdom teeth need to come out and I'm like, I just rented a 10 bedroom house, but what are you gonna do? Why 10 bedrooms? I want a lot of girls. Everyone becomes a little poor. How many girls?

I think like eight, but... No, guys. No, because I would like to be on drugs and topless and everyone feeling happy. Sounds like a great time. That made a complete sense. Wait, she's got 10 bedrooms. You only listed eight people coming.

Yeah. Bobby? Well, you got to come in. She's a 10-bedroom. You're gonna move to another one. So you have two extra bedrooms. You well you gonna come in on the girl shit in one bedroom You have two extra bedrooms you can shit and come in and not worry about the last time other people want I don't know always better to have more rooms So you think guys are just put a damper on the topless fun. Yes, why cuz we're gonna walk up Fucking savages. Yeah, you also like I'm watching

savages. Yeah, you also like I'm watching. You're not gonna help cook or pie. You're watching on a fucking lounge chair. No, you can see some fucking dude getting drunk and just jump up and down, you know, like being all fucking gross and shit. I get it. Yeah. Are you gonna trip? Is there mushrooms involved? Yeah, I'm gonna buy a bunch of mushrooms in Molly. I'm like, we'd of course. Nice. Molly, what is Molly again? Like MDMA, ecstasy. What does MDMA event? What is that? So ecstasy. Yeah. Why do they change it to Molly? Yeah, I was gonna. It's the pure form, I guess. I'm not really

smart. It's like new Coke. It's the same shit that you gave it a new name. Yeah. So you're gonna do a bunch of drugs with just women. Yeah. As your new girlfriend gonna be there? No. Did your girlfriend care? You know, she met a girl. She's a love. She has a wedding that weekend. She fell in love. She went to the hamster. She went nowhere. No teedot, Toronto, and fucking Dildo doubt all weekend. Yeah. So, but you landed today and then I showed up here. How many? I didn't wash my hands or anything. Your hands. Oh, can you fucking not touch my table? My, so you were into, you were, had a boyfriend. You were, you're into both her. I guess I am. Yeah. I had no idea. Oh, this is brand new.

This is so brand new. Brand new. Boys forever. Yeah, but people keep saying that, but it's like, I didn't live a secret. You know what I mean? Like I enjoyed fucking the boys. Yeah, I congratulate Ben Bailey if he'd come out

and say, that's a good thing. Right, taxicab confession. I, what is it? When a man loves another man What does a mustache feel like on your grind Yeah So that's great what you What's her name again? Jesus Christ, Bob.

I did it out. But I mean, this is my second box. I really just had a flat tire because I didn't, I get nervous talking to Lesbians now because I'm a white guy. I know. Yeah, I don't feel like dealing with all these people going, you know, they ask a Lesbian,

her girlfriend's first name. Yeah. No, talk is the, I know the rules a lesbian her girlfriend's first name. Well, no, it's not because of that. I know the rules. But it is weird. I do get congratulations, which is weird. And then I do get like, oh, so you're lesbian now. I'm like, I really don't think so. I feel like I'm the same kind of gal.

But yeah, it's weird. You're bisexual. I guess, yeah. No, not I guess. Abs, so. Do you like penis? Do you like vagina? I can't even think about anyone but her at this point.

Are you kidding me? So what'd you do? Did you do the double strap on thing you were telling me about? I can't believe you're tight. Oh, shit, sorry. Oh, no, it's not boring anymore. Yeah, I know things are not fucking mortgages. We can go back to a prime rate.

Yeah. It started out with her wisdom teeth. I was like, oh, this is getting worse. What is your process again, yeah what a lot of deal does yeah well got to stop for a second a lot of deals how much a lot just maybe like three deals and like a few vibrators you couldn't fit the fourth that was great what now what was the biggest, the biggest, most expensive dildo you had? I don't know, but can I just, oh, this is great. So, you know, do you master the magic wand?

No, but I, you know, the magic wand. I don't. No, it's like the big one. It's always in porn. They're holding on their clip. No, okay. What is it? We'll bring it up on the screen.

So, it's, so it's the magic wand. I think you'll recognize it when you recognize it. By while I recognize it. It's, it's in like every porn. It's just like up. It's a popular porn. I think you'll recognize it when you're playing. By what I recognize it. It didn't like every porn though. It's just like it's a popular. What porn do you guys want? Yeah, it's a lot of touchy. Unless it's fucking kid, the word kidnap is in the porn, it's not coming up.

So magic wand. Yeah, the magic wand. I was living with Google correct something like that. I'm sorry, that's called the foot massager from Brookstones. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Don't use it under a blanket. Don't put it on one body part for over three minutes. Don't use it when you're drunk or tired. Don't wash it like all these rules, where it's like, don't put it on your pussy. Right. So we tried it on our backs this weekend.

It's a back massage. I mean, it's such a back massage. No, my wife got this in her fucking end table. I always thought it was a back massage. I swear to God. No, it works amazing for the back. My wife has one every six months. She's gonna throw it out.

Yeah, look. I can smell smoke in the bedroom. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I can offer a clitoris. I know, but I didn't know. And so it is for the bath. I thought they were just like ashamed and they were like some Christian company. So like, oh no, it's for the back, but like, you know, fuck it. Oh, it says don't sit on it. Like they're trying to keep it away from your butt. The pussy, yeah, you're not supposed to put it in your butt. Yeah, you're, I don't, I think I'm gonna put it in my butt.

Unless you hang it from a string on a tree, and you slowly let it bump into your clit every fucking two minutes. So this is like the go to. It's the go to,'s the go to it's like it's the job done. It's yeah, it's the job dog. This is crazy. I have a like a fantasy. It's like using a funny card to get the work.

I have a fantasy of an intruder coming in and me murdering him with it. It's so heavy. I have that fantasy too. Yeah, I just want to murder some. Wait, so back up. You go to Toronto. He says you live in heavy. I have that fantasy too. Yeah, I just want to murder some of us. So back up, you go to Toronto. Last thing he says is you're London, but she's going to Toronto. We're going to become lesbian. I didn't, we met in Australia a few months ago at the comedy festival. Down under.

Down under. Oh, and so you met her there. She's a comic. Yeah. And you guys just kissed or what happened? No, we like hung out as friends. There's too nervous to say anything. But she's an outlet She's both She who's the alpha or you both alphas? We both are I think you both you both tops no, I'm no, I'm no, which one is Ellen? Alan she's Alan no You look like Alan, but she is

I said he looks like I was experienced. So you you an Ellen you dress the same VNX and top sideers. Yeah, shirts on shirts on shirts. That's me the name of your ex down shirts on shirts on shirts by Fitsy. So so you go up there. Is this this weekend is stuff? Fuck right? Yeah.

So I arrived Friday night and I left this morning. And it was just drinking party and fucking? Yeah, and we, I mean, we strolled around some parks. Was there air at your crutches for a little while? Yeah, was there? Was there a brunch? Just to cool it down. Hey, do you mind if we go for a little walk with sundresses to cool up boxes down?

Just walking this fucking smoke coming behind their assholes It's fucking hurts of cat magic wand Just fucking alley cats coming out of fucking Chinese restaurant Fucking ghost busters. Listen. I've never eaten pussy to come. I've had group things, but it's shocking how bad dudes are at it, because that's pretty good. Yeah, we're terrible at it, because we're licking and we literally have to get over the fact

that we're licking something that's opened into your body and it smells like a fucking vagina. It smells fine. Yeah, it's. Wait, wait, wait, like a sweaty dick is worse. And it smells like a sweaty dick. I've got sweaty dick and now. And then like guys don't wipe their assholes.

Look who's fucking chubbling. No, you fucking jersey. Oh, what kind of apples are you fucking with? who's fucking shabby. No, you fucking Jersey boy. What the hell, what the hell, are you fucking with? What the hell, what are you fucking with? Oh, I'm getting guys' head into like this guy did not wipe his assholes. Do me a favor, that's what happens in sea gulps.

Stop banging guys after lacrosse candy. What? What? Why? It happens. It does happen if he can't wait and have no patience. Take him to a hotel. I had a girl tell me to go wash my ass off.

There. He's got his baby rights. But she was good. You are true about that. No, that's true. You know what I'm about that? No, you know what I'm talking about? David Kimmel, it's told me that.

Get adult baby, like adult wipes. Yeah. They're adult fucking and you have not wiped your ass I'm not kidding, but you can't We're talking poo products. I do want to give a shout out to the squatty potty. I love squatty potty I shit like rope. Yeah, I'm a liable squatty potty the best thing ever I first got fat. I know you I know tells you try to make your own like you grab the garbage can and flip it over Yeah, you can't throw them. Oh.

I mean, I- You can't throw them in the toilet. Would you rather have a wheelie? Oh, you can, so I'd rather have a wheelie and asshole. You're right, so you put it in a fucking baggy. Wait, I flushed. Who has a baggy? Give a shit baggy.

I don't know. Who has a shit bag? You get a leash. I got a dog. Can I tell you what it is? You wipe with the regular toilet, right, paper, and wipe that. Flush that. Yeah.

And then the last, like- That's what I'm saying. The last wipe that has, it just looks like- It's the closer. Yeah, it looks like you just cleaning up some peanut butter on the counter? That's what you use. No, he first, I'm gonna get a good wipe.

You got a good wipe, there shouldn't be any peanut butter. It should just be a nice bowl. Listen, there's always peanut butter. It's great Joey Kohler once told me about this. He goes, listen, and tell you something. If you don't use baby wipes, you're a savage. She goes, if white peanut butter on your arm, and then wipe it off with dry toilet paper,

there's still peanut butter there. You understand? They got frequencies. They got frequencies, you shit. Yeah. I take a nice hard one. It slides by. There's no fucking evidence.

You're eating healthy. You're eating pro biotics. Look at you. Look at me. Yeah. You're eating fucking grains and whiskey. I gotta, I gotta hemorrhide this. So I gotta work around it. Oh, look at me. You're eating fucking grains and whiskey. I got a hemorrhoid, though, so I got to work around it. Oh, I got a hemorrhoid coming out of my ass.

What, I mean, how big is it? It's about the size of your pinky. Which pinky, both of them are different sizes. It's hat, which one? What the fuck happened to your pinky? I broke this pinky, I got a lot of fights and I used to swing like left. They can't remove a hemorrhoid, they remove a hemorrhoid.

If you have to get it removed, they say it is the worst surgery you can have. What? Yeah, because it's a surgery on your ass. They say do anything to avoid surgery on your ass all because it's such soft tissue. And you're constantly, you're having to push. You can't not take a shit.

So you're pushing against the stitches of a very soft pink tissue. How big is it? It's half the size of your pinky. You have a roared, half the size of my fat pinky. Not your pinky, like a normal person. What are you doing just for me? Like Philly cheese sticks all day, like what's going on?

Yeah, what were you doing? Were you nervous in the middle of your career? No. I don't know. I think I wasn't drinking enough water. Are you kidding me? I think you have to drink a lot of water because otherwise you get that and you get gallstones. As all kinds of shit you get if you don't drink water. Are you kidding me? I think you have to drink a lot of water because otherwise you get that and you get gallstones. As all kinds of shit you get if you don't drink water.

Let me ask you a question. Now how did you, how did you first discover you had a roi? Will you know? You know. No, it doesn't bleed. That's a whole other level. No mine mine's not from whiskey. That's a whiskey Roy Mine is just from now I don't wipe it like a wipe it like an animal. I go you know, I go gently around it. What do you clean it like fucking fruit? I wipe to lead What are you doing with your asshole? You know first of all you know you have it because the second you sit down, you feel it. It's uncomfortable.

What's it like sitting on a fucking grape? Is it sitting on something? It's like sitting on a piece of like a peanut if it was covered in sand. That's what your asshole feels like. Let me ask you another question. Are you putting cream on it? What are you doing?

Are you burning right now? I'm putting cream on it. And then you push it back in. Oh my God. I feel like you're making shit up to upset us. Why do you push back? I'm your finger. Why do you push it back in?

Why? Because I want it out. It hurts when it's out. Does it make a sound when it comes out? Like, like that? Do you ever make it? It's like it's giving you the finger. Do I miss it? Yeah, like when's giving you the finger. Do I miss it?

Yeah, like when it goes in and then it comes out. Yeah, my friend. I'm separation anxiety from my Roy. I feel with chin hairs sometimes. Like I want to pluck it, but I'm like, I'm literally gonna puke. What? You're fucking 22. Why do you have chin hairs?

Listen, I have gray hair and I have chin hairs. It happens, but I take them out. Have you guys tried chest hair? What the fuck is that? Oh, oh, those have a right. I can't look like a baboon problem. I don't like it. I think she is showing us dog assholes. Please make sure those are human assholes. I don't know what that is. That's a dog asshole. So there's an internal and an extra. They're different. Yeah, mine is an external Okay, that's that little note. Let's click on that. Let's be let's keep it to cartoons, okay?

I'm gonna throw up. Yeah, yeah, cartoon, hemorrhoid That's one of my least favorite things in porn when they do the thing with the but oh comes I'm like, what do you do? Oh, it's cool. That's called the pro laps I like it. I know. I like it because it's fucking discussing. That means their asshole came outside. How do you know that? How do you know that? He's a professional. He's a professional.

What do you mean it's from having sex too much? I have to type in kid. No, it's like a special thing they do. It's like a cat, not a category of porn, but it's in certain forms. And like you'll be watching and then suddenly this like butt hole. Yeah, the asshole just comes out.

It's too much. Does it get fucked in the ass too much? And they have no more tension in their asshole, so we'll just flop out. But they also open. Does it get fucked in the ass too much? And they have no more tension in their assholes, so we'll just swap out. But they also have big guy fucking girl in the butt, and some of it's coming back out on his car. Yeah, bluff. Anyways, back to you, a fucking bitch.

But you're still, Jit. Back to you, a purple berry on your asshole. Oh my God, why is that not the cover of your next CD? Yeah, just your nugget, how is it as big as that? Yeah, I'm proportioned, and I the lotion and I'm standing there and I'm in the bathroom with the ointment and I've got my, I've got the ointment on my finger and I got my finger up my ass and my wife. Why are you an external one?

Why are you putting it in? Because it's sort of somewhere between internal and external. Hi. Yeah, you know preparation Easter, it's gotta go in your ass and you squeeze it in a couple of times. Yeah, yeah. What if it's on the next turn. Yeah, you know preparation Easter, it's got to go in your ass and you squeeze it in a cup. Yeah, what if it's on the outside? Hey, just rub your ass. You want to shrink the whole anus.

Oh, the whole anus. It's a shrinkage. It makes your tissues shrink. Okay. So my wife walks in the bathroom and she just sees me with my pants on my ankle and my finger up my ass. And I just look at her and I go, what, you won't fuck me. No, I say that.

It's not true. She goes, yeah, that's why you're fucking queer. Stop fucking your asshole. Yeah, and then you're underwear, it gets stains in them. What from what? From the oil leaking out from the oil. Leaking out. Well, because you put bullets in too.

There's those bullets. What's a bullet? You know, like it's a prep age bullet. I said, oh my goodness. Oh, it's a positive. It's a positive. Yeah, yeah. Stick it up your ass Why do you stick that in your fart and then you feel it come out and it destroys your underwear?

This is a fucking gymnasium date? What? Why? Buf Why are you lying? You don't You don't put some positive stories in your ass I put some positive stories at my ass

But you don't have to You just do that for shits and grunts. Wait, but is it ever gonna go away? Or is she has to do this forever and never get the surgery? No, it'll... Can you laser stuff? You, if I'm telling you, they say,

ladies, they can, the other way they get rid of it is, I'm not making this up. They put a rubber band, a very small rubber band around it, and they strangle it. And then it dies and it falls off. Do you hear a dying, like, Can't break down me, please don't wait. I we could do something together. I have a show idea. You could be the show runner.

Come on, this is a movie. You've been trying to make crack down on this. We'll say you wanted to take a risk. We can package it. Listen to my talks. Thanks for package it. I talked to Chad. The other day, you were taking a nap. And he was in the idea. Oh, man. Did you talk about it? Oh, man. Oh, man.

I learned something this weekend. That was... Please. Just in my place. Oh Learn something this weekend that was please Greg please please tell to slur what kind of Hey, what do you mean you just said guys don't clean their ass Your lips are sweaty It's a I've I've like that like I've given a blow job and I've What I don't know Continue what she did Fuck her fucking backyard smells worse than this guy's ass Listen to me. I've got listen. I've gone down on girls too, man. Yeah, I've gone down on girls

too. And you you guys smell fucking pooey. No, you guys let me taste them. I've met girls at comedy clubs, especially down here saturday night long time ago walking around. We met on a fucking basement. Yeah, of course. Yeah, and her dirty fuck is she shit in the sell-a bathroom Two pieces of toilet paper left And they fucking walked out now meeting her box and a vestibule in these mullage Smells like fucking dumpster juice. I didn't fucking go and go, but I just took the head take the head You gotta take it. Yeah, if you commit you got a close I can remember going down on a girl once in a big chunk of toilet I came out in my mouth and you know what I spit it out and I moved on

I don't I would walk I'm done. I had it. I had it. I'm out I did it and I spit the gum out and swallowed a toilet paper by accident No, you didn't know wait a god Tangirl from the of laughing the Jojo's Zeynabox had gum in the back because he's gonna keep it up here because after you done you You get a little gum you get the taste out you take the gum out of your fucking mouth. I fuck it I'm not I camp it up in the back up here. So you when you're done you have a little gum so clean your tongue What are you fucking you have to have that fucking metal candy? Vers I fucking he put you like what the fuck is that it's a water toilet paper

I went I went hot to a spit the gum off Swallow the toilet paper went oh fuck she went what's wrong? I don't know then right back to work on that fat Guinea You know look the bread coming out of your fucking mouth later that night from the yeast infection Ah fucking yeast and A lot of guys say what you guys just said because I talked to guys like if it's not good You know you just plow through it. I'd never I'd be like I can't I can't I had one girl I couldn't I actually was like she I actually she wanted me to Pussy I said no we want to fucking and then she want to blow me she went I went it's I

Said I go it's not me. I go it's not me. She went. I know I was not me. She went, I know. I went. Her pussy smelled like fucking rotten clams. Like somebody took a bucket of fucking cohogs and left them on a boat for a week. And then she buried him in a pussy and let him sit for a month. And then she spit them out one by one. And then she went, Hey, he my pussy. You know, it's bad when you move down to the asshole for an improvement. Okay. I'd rather eat, yeah.

I'd rather eat where your shit comes out. I'd rather lick this grape down here. This fucking Greg Fitzsimmons grape. Oh shit. So you had a good weekend. Yeah, I had a great weekend. So you got a lot of vibrators. Yeah.

Now how do you know, didn't you have a double one that went in you and her? Yeah, but that didn't come out. Why? It just didn't weave. Still in there? No. What did she show up with two suitcases?

No, but I was like, She's so kneel. No, but there was a vibrating strap on and then a regular one. A vibrating strap on, so you had that on. No. She did you. Yeah. Ooh, that's nice. That's nice. Now, when she's doing you are you doggy? Are you on?

I got tied up. I got everything I ever wanted wow. Yeah, it was like a dream come true So she tied you up To her bed so she had like bed post my back. Yeah, wow That's the 80s What is fucking bedpost I can't took out fucking dirty things for me Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What's the last blow yourself? I'm not working out. Oh my god.

Oh, you motherfucker. Oh shit. Oh my god. Oh, you're a motherfucker. So what on the deal goes, did you use? Now Wendy, I knew that's great. You just vibrate.

Can I ask you, yeah, of course. Do you work your way up? Cause this I think will help men too. Do you work your way up to the vibrating strap on? Or you, so you gotta go vibrator, lick a little bit, kiss a little bit. Fingers. Fingers first. Yeah, that should be the first. You got to go vibrator, lick a little bit, kiss a little bit. Fingers first.

Yeah, that should be sure. That should be like a lesbian's motto, fingers first. Should be like this, fingers first, boom. Yeah, so you do the fingers first, a little lick in and kiss in. Yeah. And then go right to. You can go to the strap on, sometimes you take the dick out of the strap on and then go right to... You can go to the strap on. Sometimes you can take the dick out of the strap on and then with the hand, you know?

So you get the hair like a sword, like a mini knife. Like you're gonna fight it with a knife fight. Like the jets and like a West Side Story thing. And you put it in and you're putting the... Now you're still rubbing the clip, right? Yeah, we're with the horror you get the horror. I'm trying to find it. Wait, we're gonna go back to his hemorrhoid?

I'm sorry, Virgil. I was thinking, getting a little fucking descriptive. Yeah, I'm married. You're gonna fucking a four-year-old at home, who threw up all weekend. Bobby, what's the temperature in the fuck? What color? Describe, was it a rainbow?

Was it a dim, or was it a rainbow was it a dim was it bright? Was it the afternoon All hours So what did you video it now? I should sent you topless photos. Yeah, I've sent more photos You send a lot of photos to all the time. Really? Are you facing them? Yeah, if any and not yeah, I'm gonna get in trouble one day, I think. You are. Some days, I wouldn't send anything that I didn't look good

and or feel confident in. It's just like whatever, but there are some of them are filthy. Feel like, well, like the magic wand up your ass. Like, you don't have any of you didn't send that. What? Magic. I don't think I can fit that in my ass.

Are you can't? I don't think so. Wow. Which actually brings up the next point. Was was there a play this week? No, not really. Casual but not right. I love this.

I'm so serious. I was like, that's a great question. Like an interrogation. That's interesting to my fellow officer brought that up. Was there a play this week? Oh, what? What? What? Officer brought that up was your ass play this weekend. What's What's Quick please take me to Canada. Let me go. I said I can

You're fucking Roy does in my head now believe me is beautiful eyes Now do you know I've ever Roy's right you know I've had a Roy no no good Have you had a yeast infection? Yeah, of course I'll women have that right what do you say get it from men? That's bullshit. No, it's not what are you talking about men's dirty? Dicks Problems give women these and baby you're saying it before you have sex you don't have a yeast infection correct So wait a minute you're saying that man but it's a way bathing suit or something

oh so there's other guys that's our fault that's our fault yeah we have a lot of tampon in there too long no no that's not because you're nervous to stick a towel down you pussy at the beach that's our fault dry your snatches off

dry your snatch what the fuck so it's not all our fault. He's not all these can get it majority from I've got more from dirty decks dirt. What's a dirty day? Yeah, so what is dirty deck? What is it like a guy just like working out? No, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, you know We actually don't Greg. I don't know do you know Like there was one dude minutes where like you're like oh, that's a scumbot like you say a Minnesota Where you about to say yeah?

You fuck that's so specific One particular racist they fucked and he's a racist yeah, you fucking blue a KKK guy I mean obviously a bloom too, but I got fucked all Alright, so you get what the fuck was he racist? Listen, I had a bad said. It was like Friday night. Hey, I was gonna go burn across in this black dude's lawn. After that, I might just be something I did. And I was gonna fuck you doggy style, because I like men, but I can't admit that. Oh yeah, that's what it is. No he likes to handstand. He was like a skater, a skater.

A skater? White guy? Yeah. Not like he doesn't like black guys. No, but Bob Marley taught him not to be racist. I mean, this was a nightmare. Bob Marley, the comedian. I said never fuck it.

There was karaoke in the bar where I met him. No, not the comedian. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, the guy from fucking Maine came down to me. You shouldn't be racist. Not them. Parking the main, parking the main. Parking the main, don't be racist. No, he the comedian. Oh, the guy from fucking Maine came down. You shouldn't be racist. Not them. Parking the main, parking the main, parking the main. No, he was so worse.

He just goofed him out of racist. Yeah, there was karaoke and I was like, what would you sing? And he's like, probably sublime. And I'm like, oh God. But really? Yeah, he was the only young person at this bar. Okay, she had it bar with this young guy.

Yeah. And he's like, what's up? Yeah. And why made eye contacts? How did you know he came over? How did you know he was kind of racist? Well, we started talking and then everything kept getting worse and worse and worse. And then I was just like, I guess this is happening.

I guess black people, you just accepted it. I didn't, I just, I wanted it. I don't know what happened. You had a good body. How did you know he was dirty? Yeah. Yeah. The next question, we were like, sex was too filthy for it to.

When you were digging your hands into his back into the, I don't, yeah. Into the SS stars on his back. Yeah, but I always say I'd rather fucking a retired Nazi tattoo than like a guy with like Jewish Hebrew tattoos. That's like weird to me. Wow.

Did Vospa throw you down that path? Yeah, like, I don't know. I just like, like, Hebrew like, I just, I'd rather fuck like someone that used to be a Nazi and not anymore. Wow. That is crazy. Yeah.

Maybe if the silence in the room is, I'm saying for sure that someone would agree. But what's your, what's your, first of all, knowing that it was a fucking dude with tattoos. I don't care if it's a rainbow with a seal. Meanwhile, if it came down to us and we weren't married with kids, and it was a woman, she could have a swastik on her forehead and you would fuck her in a second.

I would fuck her while her racist boy, ball boyfriend was going, fuck that fucking hoe. I'd literally be getting head off her. Yeah, come right on her. We don't care. Yeah, right on her fucking awful. If you don't care, why aren't you just walk me for fucking one racist? Because it's fun.

That's fine. But wait, what's your race? It's called a fun pun, what's your ethnicity? I'm a Russian Jew. Oh my God, that makes you different. I'm Catholic. I can fucking I Can fuck a racist person that's like my uncle my cousin, you know

I didn't know cuz you look like you could be Latina. I know I've been getting that So I thought maybe for a racist he was making a point by fucking you. Yeah, very weird. Would you fuck a racist? Yeah, absolutely How would you bow? Yeah really like a full on put it because if I don't want anything I don't want to buy white college we put her on his parents were racist. So he's trying his best. All right, put it up to the microphone. Hey, baby No, I'm done. He's on a podcast right now. I'm on Bobby Kelly's podcast right now Can you hear me? That worked out well. What do you guys have a code? Pretend you have a hack like you.

No, I hear. I met this girl in revier. Your wife. No, I met this girl in revier. I'm just going back to what I fuck a racist. Yeah, yeah. And she had this is, you know, she had huge girl in a veer. I'm just going back to what I fuck a racist. Yeah, yeah, and she had this is you know She had huge hair the long fingernails and she

She picked me up to go down a Rhode Island to do a gig. She had a Corvette Her dad was in construction and she drove me down there and there was a There was this hell gig and I did this joke about having a sign in my car that said no radio and car And I said and somebody still smashed the window and somebody yelled out Must have been a nigger And I go what did you say and the girl I was with said he said it must have been a And I went home with her that night had sex with her. Yeah God damn you did you made her repeat that word over and over again

That's the other way you come. She could have just been being courteous. I make you hear it. I think Boston, listen, listen, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. I lived in a reverberum minute. I told you I worked at that restaurant. It was so funny. They were giving a big speech one day in the owner. It was so funny. It was all family who worked there, except for me and this other comic, and they were like, listen, you can't have these bus boys, all right?

These guys, you're abusing them. You're making them do all your side work, all right? Listen, they're Spanish, they're not neggis, all right? And everybody in there went, that's true. That's true. And me and my family were like, what the fuck is going to? You can't say that.

What are you nuts? We were like, this is another world. Well, it's such a weird situation when somebody says that word because you're forced to either have a backbone and go, that's a fucked up thing to say. And you shouldn't say it, or go, let me just get out of this situation,

but like, what's the right move? The right move is to go, look man, look, and where I was in, a kind of, you know, mafia-owned situation, you keep your fucking trap shut, you go home and tell your mom, and mom, I think I'm working a racist place and you shut your fucking face. Me and the comic were like, what the fuck?

But look, it's certain you have to say, yeah. In a situation like that, if I was with a girl that was like I'd be like get the fuck out of you. I wouldn't want to I look I mean I let it blow me first, but I would say No, I think I'd probably tell to beat it. If a chick was out outright racist now in my life Well back when I was 20 no back I'm giving you the I'm giving you thank back. Obviously back. I'm giving you the, I'm giving you the timeline. So you get I had a ball full of gizz back then. I needed to grid up.

I don't care where it went. I know. I know my wife was still on the phone. She was the one you married her. But how do you take this? You you you and I'm through after the, well, you marry me. What did you say again? I You, you, you, you and I'm through after the, will you marry me? What did you say again?

I said, will you marry me? Uh, I do have a thing that the men of you will like, but maybe you will. Okay, so while we were walking, we walked past the sex club. If it's not a hemorrhide, we're in it. Okay. I think it's, so we walked past the sex club and she's like, this is a sex club, but the rule is, men can't go alone.

Like, you have to have a woman with you, but women can go by themselves. And I feel like that should be the rule every day in the world. And then there would be so much less crime. Yeah. It would be the opposite of Saudi Arabia. Men are not allowed outside without a woman present. How do you feel about that?

Don't you feel like crime and rape would go down a hundred percent? I Resent the implication that that we're all rapists. I know but too many of my friends I just don't trust any of them. There's no more men get raped a year than women Yeah, that's right. No like my yeah, but okay sure. Well, I mean men are getting raped Yeah, I mean you can't take that away. There's a guy going. Please don't fuck me in the ass And this is like I go on I'm gonna fuck you in the ass. Yeah, I mean that's rape. Sure. I mean my In prison. Yeah, I'm talking about outside world outside world I would go down if men wouldn't be allowed to go out a lot. So you really feel like men should not go out alone

Yeah, I feel like I'm just wondering if that would work. You don't have these guys in here are harmless If we were what what are we gonna do? I, but all men think that they're good guys, not that you're not. And do you think all of your friends are good guys? No, I don't. My friends are fucking savages. Perfect. Keith Roberts should have somebody with them

at all times. Oh, he's right people. Yes, Doug Davidov should have nine women around him. And they should all be in the age of 55. Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, there's some creeps around. I was talking, like, yeah, dudes don't act the way they act when they're alone with a girl being creepy You know what I mean doing creepy things so there was just always Well, that was a piece of shit though

I met a lot of I Attracted piece of shit girls. Yeah, but there's a different A lot of shit. There's a difference between being a piece of shit and being a threat To females that you're gonna fucking rape or hurt like being a piece of shit is what what's being a piece of shit to you I mean, you're obviously don't have a you don't have a felony record right? Wow Do you know I'm kidding? I mean I do but it's buried that was one No, I know what you're saying but look I think when you're going out with the intent, like in my 20s, doing comedy was fun, but getting pussy was funner. I was doing comedy.

I was trying to get laid a lot. Every time I went out, I was using comedy as a superhero power to get laid. I wasn't, I didn't want a girl, I didn't want anything to do with a steady girlfriend at all because I had gotten douche when I was like 17 by a girl, 18, I got fucking really hammered by this chick. So I was like, you're hammered you. I feel bad for Bobby. See, Greg? We work. I know what it's like to be next to me. So left. You should have them on the podcast. They tell there's the worry. Oh, hey, how you doing, Bob? This is Greg's hammer and I'm the producer of this podcast. Listen, we want to have you. I, uh, I, I was a piece of shit. I understand that. I was out there to get, get, I wait, but I met,

there was a lot of piece of shit girls. Yeah. That was very small amount. The girls that are, like I married my wife, I didn't find those people. There's a lot of women that are haunts a garbage too. You could argue that women act way worse in public than men.

Dude, you know, 90 fucking eight percent of hecklers are females, because i can't handle their fucking liquor let's do you make that no no let's go to the general said something one time where he said the majority of hecklers in a comedy carry with that drunk not able is like that so wrapped party when you go to it's always because you know but it's because i agree with him and try to fuck them for so long that they get away with behaving crazy.

That's not true. Wow, that's a stretch. That's a stretch. No, they're dumb cunts, but I don't know why. But I don't know why heckling and like rapes on the same level. No, it's not. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, doesn't make you a bad guy. No, no, it doesn't make your bad guy But girls tend to say if that's all you if a guy like when I was that guy

I got a lot of shit from girls for being that guy. Yeah, even though a lot of those girls were into it when we were F***ing around raping them. No, this is this is the example that Camera was used this weekend when we were talking about it. Was she as a friend that was like, he's like, yeah, I was with this girl and she was really drunk. So I recorded her saying, yes, she wanted to fuck. But it's like if you felt she was drunk

enough that you had to record consent, why didn't you just not fuck this drunk girl? But it's the meant, you know what I mean? It's like, you just don't respect that. That's great. No, that's, I give you that. That's a little weird for a fucking guy to do. There was also, here it comes. But it is fucking, you can don't respect that. That's not right. No, that's, I give you that. That's also a weird for a fucking guy to do. There was also.

Here it comes. But it is fucking, it is, you can use that in court. Yeah, but why is that the mentality? That's the mentality. She's like this. I'm gonna fuck you, right? I am, I am, yes. But there's actually, there's actually,

was that a, it's fine. It's fine. Yes. But that's the mentality. Was that a It's my yes But that's mentality do you hate hemorrhoids and guys assholes? Plus tell me the guys not gonna upload that little clip to the internet. Yes, I want to fuck That's gonna go up. That's gonna go up. That's gonna be a gift you can get with a little animation. Yeah.

Yeah. That's weird. There was one dude I wanted to fuck and he was coming over to fuck me. And then the next time we met up, I was like, that was a wild drunk night. He's like, oh, I was sober. I'm like, even though I wanted it,

I was like, that's crazy. I was so blacked out. Like, why are you fucking, like, what are you doing? Yeah. Yeah, but that's hard. Then you, because I'm in sober since I was 15. I'm in a recovering I was 15. I've

been a recovering alcoholic. So I can't fuck you. I have to lose my sobriety to fucking drunk girl. I think it's just wait till she's not waste. I think it's a word of your sober. What if you're both wasted, both doing below and things happen and she's hammering your hammer and you do it. Is that? I don't know. I had it once I was blacked out and I woke up holding a dick and then I was like, oh fuck, and then the dude was scaredy-rate me, but I was like, no, I wanted it, I know I did,

but I gotta go now. But that was like that moment, but I don't know, I can't talk about all of my life. Was it a weak man? It was a stand, it's a weak man? We were at the stand. No, this was a long time ago. I need a spot.

Patrick, this is so long ago. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm gonna get you on the midnight of you. You can go on after Paul Versey, he's running his hour. It's just the mentality that it's just like, I wanna fuck, I'm gonna find someone I don't care if they're,

like it's just, it's weird. It's weird. You do bring up a good point if they're both drunk. Yeah, I mean, it's like like it's not a black and white area So if it's the same thing with mentally challenged people, isn't it? Buddy listen to me. This is your problem. You have you have fuck you money somewhere Alright, whatever whatever money you're getting from crap. What a fuck money you have from your podcast or you don't care What you say anymore I do

So leave me out of whatever the fuck shit you're about to send him to mentally challenged. You won the race, you have a muddle. Do you want to celebrate with sex? You threw a javelin you can I suck your dick? You ran around without falling once. I'm gonna fuck your asshole What the fuck you woke up with a dick in your hand? Is it soft? Are you a magician? Was he a magician? Were you in Vegas? Now for my next drink. Was he Frank Santos? Was he a magician?

Was he a magician? Was it a hard one? Yeah, how do you... No, it's just a weird thing, but it's... I might try to be serious as I'm going to happen. I love you, baby. I'm just begging. I was pinching me, winging up with my fingers and pussy. But it's all... Ah! I'm not trying to be serious as not gonna happen.

I love you, baby. I'm just making... I was pinching me, winging up with my fingers and pussy. You're just like, what? Hey, whatever. What? Why are my fingers all pruned? Where are my fingernails won't get burnt off hold on a dick. So what's what's dirty a dick or a pussy?

Some of that will take fingernails off. Oh shit. You guys Dicker pussy some of that will take fingernails off Yeah, you guys you know John is can literally peel the paint of an old kids toy. Oh, yeah Oh, have you guys tried though chassus? Do you know what that is? Chassie what's chassie? It's a it's a new one. Chantix. No chassie It's uh, no, it just been out to chassies chassie. Yeah, it's what is this? Yeah, yeah, it's a powder. It's an amazing powder and I hate to play. yeah, it's, what is this? Do you know? Yeah, yeah, it's a powder. It's an amazing powder. And I hate to play, no, it's a powder from men.

Are you invested in the company? Yeah, I think I'm gonna be because they sent me it. They sent me it. Okay, they sent it for the very, you're gonna work on your pitch. No, but here's the thing, no, no, but here's the thing. It's a powder for men down there, man care for down there, and it's a powder that makes you fucking, it's the driest, it smells like an,

it's amazing smell, it's dry, it's like a Johnson and Johnson's, but it's for men and it's for down there, and it's fucking incredible. And I started using it because I was listening before I used it, before I plugged this, I want to use it, and it's fucking amazing. Well, the thing is the other,

the cornstarch causes cancer. Well, now you, baby powder, no cornstarch. Oh, baby powder, it's better. Oh, it does. One of them causes urinary tract Oh, yeah, infection, but no cancer and women's vaginas. No, because I used to want a better High fives for right Vag cancer. Vag cancer is the worst. It's because you can't if you try to remove it

Oh, you're gonna move the Vag. It gets bigger and bigger and bigger. Yeah, the more you remove, yeah, then they can't even take the bigger the whole thing. They can't even do rides. The carnivals anymore that just fall. Like they can't. They can't even sit down the toilet. Just try having another orgasm when it's that big. No, but, but no, the, I think it's either cornstarch or baby powder. It's bad for your, for men's balls, it's bad to inhale it. So this is good. Maybe the, maybe the little also put it on fit dog radio.

You think you can set me up. I'm sorry, Paul, what's the name of it? What's chassis, CHA, SSIS. Didn't everyone call ball powder a ball? Yeah, it's right there. For my chop, for my thigh rubs, I get a thing called this is the most I'm telling you right now, and this, this right here, this is the best,

this is the best product. It's a, I do it. It sponsors my podcast and it's amazing. They have different products. It's a powder that you literally put down there on your junk. But it looks like it's more of a three different things you use.

You know, but the main shower primer, right? Okay, what's the, you prime your day? No, but the main product though is the powder. Well, you guys can. Don't get mad. I'm just extreme cream. What's that? Well, it's a cream that you just put down there and it makes you just feel it just fucking it's a cream on your dick. It's not really on your dick. Are you balls? Yeah, everything is what gives us yeast infections. What is a what is a what is a primer? What do you do with that? It's just something you put in the shower that just makes you feel fucking amazing down there

And then when you're done you put the powder on it's just it keeps you and so you do the shower then the cream then the powder Yeah, but I didn't use the the cream. I just and I just use the powder right now and it is literally the driest most insane that I've ever been You didn't pay it extra literally the driest, most insane that I've ever been. You getting paid extra for this? Well, yeah. No, but it's amazing. I'm not even kidding. Like, if you want to, like, cause I was like, I got to try it. It's fucking amazing.

I've been powdering my balls every night for about 10 years. What? What's Johnson and Johnson? Every single night. I wish Catholic thing to do. Well, they, I have a huge clock and it sticks to my leg. First of all, you don't have to. of all, you don't have a big clock. I do.

You don't have a big clock. I have a big clock. You know why you don't have a big clock? And I'll tell you why you don't have a big clock. Cause I haven't heard about it. And I've heard of all. Paul Colin Quinn right now, he's seeing it. Paul Colin.

Paul Colin. Oh, your leg is shaking. Yeah, cause it's a small clock. It's getting nervous. Ha ha ha ha. Excuse you, him or he's talking to you. No, I heard you on stage one time. No, don't be lying to me.

No one time you were talking about. I remember that. You have a big dick. What's big? What's big? I slept with several female comics and they all talked about it. One of whom couldn't handle it and Colin Quinn heard about it. So I was backstage.

He couldn't handle it. And she said, let me see it. I've heard about it. Let me see it. I whipped it out. To a room full of people. Colin. Okay.

Colin. Sorry. Yep. Call. Okay. Call and sorry. Yep. Wow. Call and amen. I think he's doing his hour right now. He might answer. At the fat black. If he answers how great would that be in the middle of his show?

Ask about fits in his car. Please, please go out. There you go. Give it a number. Anyway, you won't have any problems if the gentleman makes no use. Stop talking about chassis. Yeah, but he's gonna go do fucking three bottles a week with his massive Irish dick.

Yeah, which has never been said before, is massive Irish dick. It's like, it's like a powdered cake on the cake box. Is it big because you're thin and small? No, it's big. No, it's big. Women remark on the fact that it's faxiness. It's perfectly poor. It's not big, it's not long. Do you want to see it? Yes, I'm not pulling it

Come on You showed fucking Quinn. Yeah, but it wasn't like show her yeah, show her why not me Yeah, show both of them and I'll trust them both our names begin with I really don't want to see a dick because I Picture if I see the dick. I'm gonna see the hemorrhoid somewhere right right and I don't want to see your fucking old guy Irish nuts One's redder than the other Fucking gray hair Green vein coming down that died five years ago Has no blood in it the crowns got scars on it come on show the girls are your pubes right girls

They're red and a little there's a little bit of gray mixed in. Can you, will you look at it? I would love to. Just show them right there. There's a curtain right there. No, I'm not going to show them right there. Oh, why? Because my wife got upset when I showed Colin in a room full of people.

Yeah, I guess that's a good, that's a great reason. That's a great reason. That's probably the best reason ever. How do you, why are you mad? You showed you dick, you showed you big packer to two young girls. One's, one's half a lesbian. Yeah, one's half a lesbian. I might go. There was one Italian that was pissed off from that fucking big fat bald queen. He's trying to get it on a tube. I know you're in shape. Well, I didn't know you had a big dick, dude. I swear to God, I always picture you as a little tiny fucking Irish pecker.

Why did you always picture me? Yeah. Because look at you. No, but why were you thinking about my penis? Dude, why? I don't know, I think about your cock a lot. I'm kidding. Nine, one.

Oh. Dude. Trying to call. But what do you think about my dick? I would think it's a big dick. It's probably gray. What are you Italian? Yeah, I'm Italian. I. What do you think about my dick? I would think it's a dick. It's probably gray. What are you Italian?

I'm just silly and in Greek. You probably have a gray. Harry. You probably have a gray. It's gray. I feel like you have a yanky fan dick. What? What?

What do you mean a winning dick? Yeah, I got rings around my cock. I love it. That was a great comeback. Fuck you people. That was great. I deserve way fucking more than I got. You were there right there.

But where's the rest of it? I don't understand how, where is this? I don't know. You see it. Cool, everyone. Gracie, you see a great dick. Yeah, from sure. Was it a corpse?

I don't know. What do you mean, gray skin or gray hair? Like his dick would be looking like at almost like a scientific dick because he's He's old. Nobody asked a good question. Is it gray hair? Or are you actually saying like the I think I think your shaft is like you know my shaft is fucking nice. It's probably gray. It's probably tan Yeah, it is you have a tan dick. She knows are you all circumcised? Yeah, circumcised yeah, yeah, yeah All table sandwiches. I like that. Yeah Who's'm sure it's hard. Yeah. Yeah, of course. We savages.

I like that. Yeah, you look fucking, who's not? There's a lot of people out of the show. Right now, I'm like a baby, I used to be a babysitter and the trend is, they're not. Where is this going? I tell you, the new generation of parents are not that bad.

They don't do it. My son's not circumcised. Yeah, they call it mutilation. They don't do it. It is, it's mutilation. I was gonna cut my son's dick. Really? Well, it's a hard thing to do because you have a kid that's the last thing you're thinking about and then all of a sudden they're like okay We're gonna do circumcision and I'm like okay, and I didn't have no information on it

Didn't even think about it and then they just it's two seconds boom boom and he's back and then And then after a lot of fans on my podcast, like, dude, you fucking me, you know those, it's to get both. And I was like, well, fuck faces, you couldn't have told me four months ago. You couldn't have gave me these websites with awful, crazy baby dick things.

I didn't even think about it. It doesn't stop any, it used to be that you would get vinaural diseases, but it's like, yeah, now we have running water. It used to be, you know, you lived in the desert, so you kept your force. I wouldn't do it again. If I could go back, I wouldn't circumsize my kid.

I just let him have a look. I've never seen one. I think I would never. I would just let him have, you know why? Because look, we give Muslims shit for cutting clits off. It's very different. I mean, that is 100 to her to that clit, compared to your,

a duck with your skin. I mean, and it's still, and it's also grown girl, like, team girl. I'm gonna tell you what the difference, why it's not a difference. Oh, yeah, please, I did not, you're not giving the, there's a difference, Bob.

You're not giving the actual person the choice, whether they want it done or not. They're not tying girls. It's both 13 year old girls and cutting their clips off with the fact that they're a little baby penis. So they can never have

cutting off a fucking thing all the time. Everyone in this room is coming and saying, I have a com since I was a kid. They cut my com line on. No, you're coming. Wait, your fan had something to say about this. She got very

worked up. Come speak your mind. Oh, no, I'm just saying like, turn the mic on, hun. No, I'm talking to Lauren. They're producer. Hold the tea mouth. You got to hold the tea mouth. We're not going to hear you. I feel like I'm really, um, what it comes to like, yeah, she made a great point. Like, no, it's 100% not the same.

That's too loud. She's not agreeing with me too, so turn it. I mean, they're like sewing these. No, no, no, no, no. I'm taking away the girls to ever have fun at all. Listen, listen, listen, I agree with you, it's worse. I'm not saying it's, I apologize for making the mistake of saying it's the same.

I think it's way worse. I agree with you. I apologize. You just came at me as a fucking... No, no, no, no, no, no. She says that's fine. She says that's fine. You're absolutely right.

It is worse. I made a mistake. But to take a little baby's penis and cut it is fucked up too. I think I just think I know it's worse to get a click cut off on whatever. I don't even know how they do it. I would... I don't even know how they do it. I would, it just, it's, I don't even find it.

Yeah, maybe why don't you watch it? No, that's so good. You got a lick it. No, Bobbi. No, I think you should watch my God. Yeah, Bailey J's penis cut or uncut, which would you prefer? Come on now.

Oh, I spend more time with it if it's uncut. I don't know, I don't prefer her dick. You will take a big dick, Jesus Christ. Huge. It's massive. Bailey J. She's a transgender friend of mine. She's a porn star. I'm very good friend with her husband too.

And her fucking dick is literally the size of my arm for some reason. You've seen it. Yeah. You've seen an action. I follow her on Twitter. Yeah. I follow her Twitter.

I was, you know, they put up a Philly out thing today. Yeah, you just say, Bailey. Oh, he all right. I showed my wife. She giggles. So now I've had him over my barbecue. Her husband, her husband consider straight. I just don't get what I have to Oh, I was using the run pro now. Like you get fuck. But like I don't know. But what I think because I think she was a guest on Schumer's L.A. I got a review I think she was a guest on Schumer's channel. I'm not interviewed. I got a watch out for that. She got interviewed on Schumer's channel, right?

And she said that like, she was with the dude. He was like a tractorter, she's really hot. And then she was like, I have a dick. And then he was like, yeah, I like you a lot. Oh, matter of husband. Yeah. Doesn't it. Wouldn't had a girlfriend, was a twat, met Bailey,

found a chatted dick, was was like I could give a fuck He's a cool weird dude like cool weird. He loves he's just a great guy and I had them over my house For a podcast we became friends My wife loves them. They've been to my barbecue you sat next to him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah sitting I don't tell anybody. It's up to her to tell people I don't give a shit. She looks she's sized. Oh, she is. Yeah. Oh, it's a fucking big piece. Yeah. Oh, it's my dream penis man. Oh, if I could have her penis. Oh, yeah. It's a dream penis. My penis is nice, but not that nice. If I had that penis my wife would literally go You're not going anywhere. Fuck Monday nights.You gonna new jokes, then sit the fuck down!

You work on weekends only, you make that money and get the fuck on, and you let me sit on that d'h''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' momentos rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Um, ¿cómo te va a hacer la cosa que me he dado a mi madre? Ya, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, This is why people don't listen to you guys because you get so hot not you you did the right way You're very calm and quiet because I got me upset. Yeah, no, but you don't get upset when you when you when somebody doesn't I figure out how to articulate it's like to equal to equated. No, I love you. Oh, no, of course. I'm very happy to be here I love you a lot But like for dudes it's like you just have a little bit less pleasure and it's the same as like

Destroying a woman's pussy. It's like it's time their life is cut like you're still like fucking and coming and enjoying your life so to equate it to like these girls getting ruined. No, it's terrible. You're absolutely right. It's awful rip to taking girls, but I mean, I'm just saying in my situation, I think I would let my kid, you know, be like, hey, but my, I guarantee my kid wouldn't like it. At some point, he'd be like, dude, why is my dick different than every other dude's dick in the locker room? I got some weird looking they make fun of my dick like I just

Remember when all those rabbis were sucking the baby dicks and giving the baby still do the acidic shoes do it Yeah, they still do it. Yeah, yeah But they don't stop He's gonna go back to fucking South Salem Baby wake the fuck up. There's second Dixon fucking Brooklyn. There's second baby Dixon. It's going good since he has a hemorrhated speaks.

He's gonna show. He said he put me on it. I, uh, they don't blow. They don't blow kids, but the way they do it is they, I think they bite it off, right? No, they suck it. They suck the blood off. Yeah.

And then I saw these babies got herpes. You know, yeah, they suck the tape off and they suck the blood and they've done them herpes. They've given baby's herpes. Yes. It happens all the time. Joe Listo and fucking fucking circumcision. So it's this herpes. Yeah, he loves it.

I don't know if he loves it. But it's very easy. I'm so fucking glad I never got herpes. I mean, of all the unprotected sex life. Oh, it's that's her life. Yeah. I mean, what a bullet I dodged. Yeah.

It is a tough one to dodge too, especially. But I always think I have herpes and it's always just razor burn. But I've like ruined a doctor's lives being like, do you think they're about to go out and make me? Would you shake me with a no-roll? No, now I wax, I wax, I wax, I wax. I'm gonna get laser when I get a big check. My next big check I'm gonna get laser.

I love how it's razor cost. What is the laser cost? The laser, you have to do it for a year consistently Yeah, yeah my wife worked at she worked at a Desserts edition with like Lauren doesn't she days to do trades because she worked with the the woman there They used to do lasers so she got her legs laser to fucking vage laser. She got everything lit lip Now she my wife doesn't have, she's part of American Indians, so she's got that fucking, you know, no arm hair thing.

Oh yeah? But you want to get the chin done too, then I guess. No, well, because my friend. Oh, damn. No, because my friend. What the fuck is wrong with you? What you talking about? She's talking about pulling fucking whiskers out of her shit.

No, I have to pluck it. What I thought about since the beginning of the podcast. Oh really? Oh really? Your handwriting is all I'm thinking about. What are we name them? What's his name? No one of my best friends is...

If you're a pro-belie-mic, you pick the right podcast. We're gonna get Fitty and Sully down here. We're comedy team. Hey, how you doing? I'm 50. And I'm Sully. My friend got, I'm just emerald pal. He's sitting on the bar still. This is probably one of the grossest hours.

It was just grape amaroids. Fucking blowing guts. It smell like shit. It has. It's probably baby blowing. Oh my god. It's called neonatal herpes. Oh Jesus, that's sad.

No, I'm with my friend Gottlaser. Her room on her face and it got burned and she got really intense burning and scarring. And she's seen them and made money. But it's like, I don't want to be careful because I don't want to get burnt on my face. I'd rather just pluck. Yeah. When they come out. And when you tan, it burns out Melanon and your skin sometimes so you'll get tanned on your face

But you have little white dots where the hair was so you have to be careful like my wife has it No, a couple white dots. Yeah, which he gets tan tan You can see a little couple spots where they they burn the melanin out of her because of the hair But it is cool laser hair removal is a mother because think about this women have to shave their armpits legs and All this other shit Every day. Yeah, and I never thought about it till I had to start to shave in my head And it's a fucking pain. What do you do it every day? Yeah, I'm getting laser as I get older. I'm fucking, you know, I start booking these copper rolls

I'm like, yeah, I just leave it You know, I got an audition on fucking for sneaky Pete. He's in his 40s, you know, I start booking these copper rolls. I'm like, yeah, I just leave it. You know, man, I got an audition on fucking for sneaky Pete. He's in his 40s, you know? But I shave it a lot because I don't like it. I like it smooth and I'm freaky with my head. I like it, I like it down to the bone. So, and I don't like any hair. You're right, love it.

I don't think she likes anything about me. No, I think, I don't think she likes it. I think she, I think she actually just likes me. Yeah. I think love, yeah. Like, I think I think she actually just likes me. Yeah, I think love. Yeah, like I'll leave the house. You'll go out talk to the Lada. Well, good to see you. Yeah, I remember you said, I love you. I miss you when you come back. How many years you married? 10. But I'm not of a 20. Yeah, we've been together for 10. We get the same thing. We've been together. All right. I gotta go out. See you later. Okay. Nice focus.

How long have you been married? 17 years. I just left for three months and she was like, yeah, send the checks. Yeah, I come on the fucking money's out of my pocket before I wake up in the morning. It's like she wakes up at the night, and sneaks it out.

And she takes my spot money now, too. That's in an envelope called fucking me. Yeah, but some of that's in your sock, right? I keep some of it for who is, no, I'm kidding. I do keep some of it, I sneak it out. Yeah, but some of that's in your sock, right? I keep some of it for who? No, I'm kidding. I do keep some of it. I sneak it out. Yeah, I absolutely do.

How much you spend in a year on sticks? On sticks? Yeah. Yeah, over 700 sick cigars in my stume. Greg, you smoke cigars? A little bit. Oh, yeah. Have you been to my house and saw the humidor?

I saw the big one. I saw the big one that was outside that you just had just had like there were the top of it was overflowing The the big no the one in my office No the 700 cigar humidor I have no 700 why would you need 700 cigars? The top of the line one shite. Well, I blame you do you save them for special occasions? Yeah fucking every stop till it. Don't think it's Dale. No, I have a you know, but still you keep a cigar forever as long as you keep it right.

You can keep a cigar for a while. If you're going to, I mean, are you going to argue with him about cigars? That's all he has. It's 700. That's fucking weird. Well, not if he likes the guards. Are they organized? Like I feel like a certain type of cigar. Yeah, they're all organized. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, absolutely. The top one is the ones I smoke, mainly. The middle ones are ones that people give me

that are still really good cigars. But, you know, and I'll go in there every once in a while, just like on a day, let me try this one. Just see, try something new, see if I like something new. And the bottom one of boxes, but, you know, my Cubans are down there. I still got the Cubans we smoked. And then my favorites are guys are down there, but I'm letting them roast. Like I have a I have a box of uh uh uh uh serenities and I got a box of uh uh grinkle honeys that I'm letting sit down there to

for those worth each two bills of box. Shut the fuck up. No, I will not it's my podcast Talking talk when I want to you could only smoke once the guard for the rest of your life, what would it be? That's a great question Not for me. You know, which one it is. It's the whole day Monterey the Cuban That's the best one ever that's You know, it's one I do it's what Cubans I have does the only Cubans you have you don't have any other one nope Yeah, that's the only cubans I have I's what Cubans I have. Those are the only Cubans you have. You don't have any other one. Nope. That's the only Cuban.

I have out of the Cubans. I have a couple other that I bought. But these ones I have a couple of parties. A couple other. Do you know how he started smoking cigars? I have a surprise, a surprise birthday party for me. Last time I've ever been invited to a such party. But I see fucking Facebook every day.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. By the fire pit seasons. Yeah, right season for the honest poppers. We got sneakers. Yeah, yeah. We're in a damn.

Bob, Bob. I've last time three years ago, I fucking got invited. And you both live in Westchester? Because I ate through his fucking house. I broke out of fucking. They had a submarine sandwich in nine feet long and I ate half of it. Yeah, and I got fucking disinvited forever.

That'll happen. Yeah, you can't do that in a guy's house. Well, don't have it out No, he walked out with Happy birthday. He walked out everyone was happy birthday, but he comes around the corner He's got cheese in one hand have a bit so that's my Birthday, he would Rebecca sit down. He started fucking eating. Have you his wife saws his fucking ridiculous? So so he he I don't know He doesn't smoke cigars at this time. No everyone and I, and I have a fire in a, I have a fire pit.

No. So we're like, we're gonna smoke cigars. He starts seeing everybody going like, he starts seeing everybody giving me like a humidor, Yannis got me, humidor, people start, he's going, what's going on with cigars? And I go, we're gonna go on smoke a scarf. He goes, I'll smoke going for, for your birthday. And we start getting lower on it. And I'm like, I wonder, cause usually non smokers, you think they get higher, they don't

like it. And it's like gonna be like a quarter, three quarters of it left, and they just put it aside because they want to. Yeah. And it's like going to be like a quarter three quarters of it left Then they just put it aside because they want to be pulled and he's just going down and I'm just seeing him He's like it's down if you like he goes, yeah, he just kept going and then next thing you know He's got like fucking rocky Patel birthday parties at his house or he's got the my father my father Yeah, my father people let us out all these What happened? I talked about it with psychopath. I'm driving I like the cigars that I'm driving by literally

a block away from my house up in my sister. I see a sign that says cigars, little tiny shit storefront. And I go in, I walk up these stairs, I was just, and there's this beautiful cigar store with this guy, Yuri, who I became really good friends with. And there's a lounge, a 24 hour cigar lounge that you can join for 70 bucks a month.

So I was like, fucking, this is right down the street from my house, this is before I had my smoking shed. And I needed a place to kind of get away from the kid. He was, you know, two, two and a half. And, you know, it just, I was like, fuck, and I joined. And I would go there every day and I'd smoke a bat. Then I got into the nuances of why cigars are different. It's like wine.

And then I started smoking, and then I was suddenly, I was like, I bought this human and then I bought that book. And then I met the guy Mo from Tata Waihe, and I met Steve from my father and fans, and people just started giving me cigars because they know I smoke them. Did you quit the cigar shop?

No, I'm still a member. 70 bucks a month. 70 bucks a month. 70 bucks a month. You got 700 cigars. But, but I have a, if you're so, I have my cigars there too. I have a ball. Why spend time with your kid? I have a cigar there.

Well, I spend a lot of time with them, but that's the problem is it is a problem that I will spend all day with him and never, and be like, fuck it, let's watch a movie. I watch ghostbusters again. When I, do you smoke in front of him? Exactly, he says the girl one, I be like, fuck it, let's watch a movie. I watch Ghostbusters again. When I'm, do you smoke in front of him? Exactly. He says the girl one, I'm like, I'm out.

But listen, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. The girl one's good too if you watch it five times. You're like, I've never watched the other one. Oh, my, fuck you. If I told you more of the movies, I haven't seen you'd be upset. No, I wouldn't. Yeah.

No, I wouldn't. You ever see the guy, father? Yeah, I did. I, no, but I did. That's not when you fucking think you might have saw. Nofather? Yeah, I did. No, but I did. That's not one you fucking think you might have saw. No, it's because I did. What's Dave Juska, did a Godfather rendition downstairs

and I played a couple characters? And you never saw them. I never saw it. No, never saw the Godfather. Never saw the Godfather. I mean, never saw what's the one with Scarface. Oh, I like Scarface. Yeah, I did see that.

Is she good fellas? No. Wow. Casino. Yeah, my fifth comparing stuck me when I was a child. Yeah, did she? Did she good fellas? No, wow casino. Yeah, my FFK parents stuck me when I was a child striped rocky nuts stripes definitely rocky. I mean, that was a boxer animal house No, wow You know, so Fato the movie Fato with Dom Delewies Fucking great movie. I just got a I just got a fucking 10 great movie. I just got a I just got a fucking 10. I never say by 10. I started eight by 10 of FATSO from the movie. One of the actual photos in Dom Delewies. It's him eating a fucking

sandwich with the blonde girl on a stoop. Oh, I find them. So it's signed. I just got it delivered today. I'm so excited to get a friend. Oh, wow. So you're okay. I'm a big fan of Dom Delewies. I don't know that I don't know that it is. Here's really what I know something else. I was so good. Did I ever see Smoky in the bandit? No. The first one. No. Oh, Smoky in the band.

He's not smoking the band. He's in two. Oh, he's in part two. He's in part two, kid. Yeah, he's not in part one. I said part one, but part one you should see. Right. One of the fucking greatest characters roles ever.

You know, Daddy, my hat fell off a hump. You God damn head was in it. Was there a bank robbers, bank robbers, do do shit to get mad with these dudes. And he was in all those mad, mad, mad world movies. Yeah, go to Dom. Can you not get him when he jit like a week before he died? Can you get him? Oh,, he was a fat dog. Fat dog. He was a chef, John. Chef, why not? I'll tell you a quick story. Pulled up at a yard sale I was selling in front of my house in a two-door coupe Lincoln. I went, is that Dom Delewese?

I walk over, I go, Dom, he goes, hey kid, what are you selling? What? I go, anything, he goes, how much for that egg thing? I had two egg cookers. One was microwave, one was electric. What? I go, take the electric one one, no take the microwave one, it's brand new, he goes to that, I don't like him.

I don't like microwaves, give me the other one. I go this egg on it, he goes out of care. I go, he goes, how much? I go, have it. It goes, I'll give you a dollar, give me a dollar and sign it. And then he goes, what do you do for a living kid? I go, I'm a comedian, he goes, ha ha, just drove away.

That's the right call. That was the right call. He goes, ha, ha, just drove away. I was the right call. I was, look at him. Look at him. Oh, go to a video of FATSO right now. I mean, now I just want to borrow. ETHIONI. FATSO, video, ETHIONI. I did.

No, no, ETHIONI. ETHIONI? ETHIONI. He ate the, he ate the only. Who? ETHIONI. I don't know. Eighth, the only. There you go. Like, Eight the only they go like yeah, they go like Anthony Okay, right here. It was my favorite part

This is my favorite part of the fucking fat. So he's got to go good Anthony's he's got to go good Anthony's Birthday cake right listen. I was just the Chinese food. Oh, I'm bankrupt Right? Listen, I was just a Chinese food. Oh, I'm bankrupt. Oh, he just ate, he just ate $100 worth of Chinese food. On the way home from the Chinese face. He's throwing out the garbage. That's a comedy or no? What happened? Did you get the cake?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, this isn't it. They got to lock his cabinets because he can't see. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, go down. No, he's got a lock. I forget it. lock you out forget it the moments passed yeah I'm sorry audience

members leave yeah I know the fucking you know uh Fatso give me the honey oh my god Fatso give me the honey that's what we get the honey junior. Get the he's like, no, I can't open the cat get the honey to the fucking fat guys. What is it right there? Anyways, did he do stand up? Did a lot of I don't I think he did, but I think he was more of an actor. I think he was more of a he the movie. If you see him in over the edge, you'll see that Bert Reynolds moviet rattles first directorial debut over the edge great movie dom del oe's

they open up and he's in a hospital tries to kill himself so he wakes up dom del oe's is over talking to him and he fuck it's one of the greatest funniest comedy scenes ever, dude. He's fucking No, the edge not not over the edge. That's Matt Damon Remember that movie over the edge is about those kids lived in a condo complex And it ends with nightmoves by Bob Seger. No, it doesn't end

Dance with Things are gonna get easier. Yeah, ending of over the edge right now ending of Over the edge would you rather have herpes on your dick or three of those hemorrhoids on your butt? Herpes on my dick. No, I don't use my dick anymore. I sit all the time My dick is dead. No, you don't know. It's fucking right there at the it's fucking right there at the end, right? It's at the end credits, right there. Oh, the top one. Top one. Right there, ready?

Ooh, child. Things are gonna get me. It sounds great. It does, right? That's not it. That's not it. That's not right. That's not it.

Just scroll forward a little bit, Bob. This is the most fresh. Right there. I got one back. Get it to me. Oh, you're right. What is this? Bobo Riley. you're right. What is this? Bob O'Reilly. You're right. No, I said it was Bob Seager. Nighthoo. There's another one. There was another one that showed him on the bikes.

I just want to take advantage of this dead air to promote the bellhouse and Brooklyn this Saturday June 3rd Come on out big show big my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault. Just cancel it don't worry about it It's dog.com. You're right. Take it dead. The house is great. It's good, right? I heard I've never been there before the bellhouse the bell house What are you doing over there headline in a show? Kid me I did not work in this fucking Punishmaker came in the other night at the seller. We haven't been there

and how long? Cheers. Comes in the village on the ground. He goes up and you're thinking maybe you know, whatever. He's just going to go up and do good whenever. Slate goes up and fucking tears

the cunt off the place. Nice. And I'm watching him. And he gets you know, you know, on a comics just fucking murder in because you can just they do like a, you know, in a comics just fucking murdering because you can just they do like a little dance like you can see him just kind of fucking. And I got a fall this fucking turn. So give me a break. Whatever it was fucking him and Keith

Robinson, Keith fucking had to have a stroke to become fucking hilarious. He's fuck. Keith kills it now. Just murder, Keith murders, he murdered. And then like, yeah, give it up for this guy. You might have seen him on something. I got to go up and go, Hey, guys, how you doing? You know that fucking vibe in a room when somebody murders? It's still kind of buzzing. There's still chatting. Yeah, they're still talking. Should we pee now? It's like, hey, you cut some up here. The worst is when they know it's like, what do you guys just did? I was a Gotham and I had to follow sign felled and then don't know wrong things back to back and they both killed

Oh, and I just felt them looking alright mother fucker. What do you got? Yeah, you could feel it because it's just it was just that's what you got to just do a lap You just walk around the stage for a little while like nobody's gonna win in the next six seconds. It's called a draw Hey, what's up good stuff good stuff give it up for the a draw. Hey, what's up? Good stuff. Good stuff. Give it up for the hug. Yeah.

How about that? Ooh, man, things that tough all over. That's what you know. When you know somebody's bummer when they say, shit's crazy. Shit's crazy. People are doing some crazy shit. Anytime crazy comes into a sale, like, oh boy, they're selling it sure are you ever in the middle of a set that's going so badly You start a transition into a bit and you don't know what the bit is

But you know that you have to keep talking are they're gonna know how scared you are? I always let them know I just always go listen I know this isn't going well I don't want you to think I'm delusional But we have to get along some at some point So I let them know that I know it's not going to. I had a tough one this weekend. It was Keith Robinson went up and just fucking devastated.

You know, and then Alan Havie. Oh, he's fun. Who, you know, look, Alan Havie was the first guy in Comedy Central. That's right. I mean, he was the first guy to have his own show on. What was it called? What was that? Well, no, that was a syndicated show, but he hosted like that show that John Stewart ended up hosting, which like stand up, stand

up and they show little clips, right? Little clips. It show like little 20 second clips from different comedy. Yeah. I don't know why they don't do that anymore. Why don't they do it? Because it'd be a great show. That's why that's why. There's be reruns because it would work. Yeah, that's what we should do, crack. It's sunny. Well, a little inset box in the screen. That'll be me. This is the thing. We get you on a chair that flips upside down real quick. So you say something and flip, then it's me. And the flip, then it's back to you. We get two cameras, we lie sideways. What is the funny thing I saw this dude, he was bombing, he was doing good and all of a sudden the joke bombed and he just goes, no, but I like you guys, what's going on back there?

But I like you guys. This fucking perfect. Oh, this is so what else? So, uh, not but seriously, you guys are fun. That's always good. You guys are fun. Yeah, they're fucking clearly not fun for you right now. Alan Hayward up in fucking murdered.

So, uh, Bobby Slayton and his, uh, girl and Alan and his, friend of his, not not wasn't his girlfriend has There was like a group of people and you know you fucking taking a has aunt one and I kept telling them Please don't stay, you know, but I walk off the whole back table is just gone Like nobody stayed because halfway through they're like all right. Well, let's take off You know, let's do Bobby a favor and take off. No, I got that. And one point I just kept working them to where I got them. And then I got an applause break and I went save it.

I was like, save it. I don't want it. It's too late. I don't know if I fuck you. I go, I want laughs. I don't want you a fucking approval with your shit applause. Yeah, that's like what I feel worse than applause without a laugh. I'm just like, I feel disgusted.

No, it was like a football player getting their fucking third vertebrae knocked out and then they clap as they carry him off to feel. Yeah, they put one thumb up. Yeah, but you have issues with that. You have issues. I have issues. Stop there. No, you have issues when you, because this is when I knew you

were out of your fucking mind. We were on the, we were on, we were on, I'm telling we're telling a story and I go I said to him something I said something happened in the business and I was just telling him some business shit and I just go hey did I hope I'm not boring you with this like I'm being and he goes what am I some fucking push over I'm just gonna listen and I was like no I'm fucking trying to be courteous to you you just like snap this if you you took it as if you were the fucking week one. And I was like, this is how I knew he was a psycho. That happened yesterday. No.

It did happen this weekend. I did this weekend when we talked two days ago. That's when I said that to you. All right, it wasn't yesterday. It was I thought it was a couple days. Well, you're acting like that when you first met me. He's telling me your story and I'm listening. I'm totally, I'm into the fucking story and he goes,

dude, am I boring you? I don't mean to, I go, what am I, a fucking, if you were boring me, you don't think I'd fucking say shut up. Yeah. I would fucking, I would go look, I gotta go. I would little fake crying, my kid fell. I gotta go, I'm not gonna fucking sit. I mean, I'm not a total people, please.

Do you use your kid as an excuse a lot? No, I don't, because I feel, I feel weird guilt. Do what? You should kid as guilt to like get out of shit. To get out of shit? Now, never. No, I've never done that. I feel bad, I feel bad, I would feel bad.

I don't have that in me, I'm not built like that to do that. There's something that makes you feel like a piece of shit by doing that, you know. Yeah, Versi had, I mean, Versi's the one who told me, oh man, it's tough now. When you said, he goes, dude, because before I had the kid, he was like, dude, I'm my kid, it's tough, you know, he walks up,

he knows the difference between me flying and me driving. Yeah. Cause he'll come up and I'll be like, I gotta go. And he's like, are you taking a car? Are you taking a plane? He's like, I'm taking a plane. He's, all right. And he got sad because he knows he's not going to be home

for a few days. Yeah, that's the worst one they know. Buddy, my kids doing that now. Yeah. He grabbed my face the other day. And he says, I don't know. He literally whispers in my face. He goes, come here.

He goes, I want to have a conversation with you. I go, what's up? He goes, I don't want you to go. I want to spend time with you. Can you please stay with me tonight so we can don't go to work? Oh boy. And I was like, I gotta go to work. He said, okay, take me with you then.

And I go, I go, I go stop being such a faggot. I was gonna pay the fucking bill. It's so cute. Yeah. No, the worst is the best is when they go, you work in tonight and when you go, yeah, they go, oh, but then you go, you work in tonight. No, yay.

And you just feel it's a great feeling. Oh, my kid. Now, here's the key to a marriage. And this was told to me by who the fuck I was talking. Dude, then I take the key. Listen, hey, it's Sally. Harlan Williams got divorced.

And he goes, here's the best advice I'll give you. Tell your wife once in a while that you got a spot on Friday night. And then on Thursday, say, you know what? I cancel my spot. And you never had the spot. You tell her that, then you take her out. Yeah.

No blood on either side. Can I give you a better advice? Ready? On Monday, don't book the spot and just say, hey, we're gonna go off Friday night. I think it means more when you sacrifice, when you say I canceled it for you. Yeah, then you're married some bitch with a headshot that fucking needs coddling. My chick's from Everett.

Are we going or not? I don't give a fuck. I got you to go fucking coddling asshole. Yeah, my wife would have plans if I did that. Yeah, I need you. Yeah. You got your sisters that. Yeah, right. She's like, oh, your sister's coming. We're going to. Yeah. I'm going to a Gary, who?

I do fuck that. Yeah. The worst advice I've ever ever said is bad. Yeah, just lie to your wife. You're going to fucking just, hey, we're going to a Friday. Don't make plans. I love you. My wife said something.

My wife said something. Maybe feel like shit the other day. She goes, she goes, I feel feel like I she goes, you know, you just go out you do spots and you're doing shows She goes I just feel like a single mom sometimes. Oh fuck like and like as I was walking away Like at first I was like, oh, you know, like what do you say? And then it hit me as I'm driving down She's in a new Lexus which I by the way, but and down and a new Lexus which by the way but yeah fuck with that fully loading

why you fucking asshole you got it there that was where that's your guy and it's all getting out like white leather wood oh yeah what the fuck what are you at man

I think the point is that you're working I was feeling I was feeling I felt bad when she said that though because she said it like a couple times and she just, I tell you to turn that fucking per. You push that button. I love when you saw the car. That fucking spaceship. That's what you said.

It's like, no, it does make the drive better. It piss me off that I got to eat because I went and got the new Ford edge fully fuck you loaded with that in parks itself, right? But I paid a little over five for it. This guy go gets a smoking spaceship Lexus for under five. What do you mean 500 a month to leave? No, but yeah, but uh, piss me off. I mean, I'm happy for you, but I got a Ford. You got a Lexus. I have a question. I still have to have you pull me up in front of the club, but I did feel like I did feel like shit. And we went on a date night

and going back to what Greg was saying the good Advises do date. I talked to a brewer about this and he said the date night thing and the making a priority Like we went out to dinner. It was a Friday or Saturday I just wasn't working and we went out to eat and we drank wine We talked about our kids, but it just made then like the next two weeks would just better Yeah, it was just better because like she I kind of of understood her day to day with her full-time job. She understood the shit that I do. You know what mine?

It was better. You know my wife loves, she loves when I go out in the backyard like Sunday. I went out in the backyard at eight o'clock in the morning. I didn't come back in until six. She loves watching me just build fix. They love that. Work. She loves me working. Yeah, I'm liking it right now. She loves watching me just build fix. And they love that work. She loves me working.

Yeah, I'm liking it right now. She loves me. I was, she loves just me with the kid fucking doing shit in the back. I mean, I don't know if it's a father thing or like the men she grew up with just went in the back. Oh, it's totally primal. I did a thing.

My son, we built a tree fort and it started off as like, yeah, I will do, it's from, there's this book called The Dangerous Book for Boys. I got it. It's a great book. Unbelievable book. It's all like shit to do, shit to do. Your men are being raised to be pussies from boys on.

So this is dangerous shit you can do with them. So we build this tree fort and it starts off with just a platform with a little railing. And then I was like, couple more trips to Home Depot. It's got walls. Then it's got a ceiling. Then we build like an observation tower. Then we put a rock climbing wall. This one off for fucking weeks, all weekend long. That's great. Just kept building shit. It's the greatest thing I ever do with my kid. That puts them. One is great. I get that book out anytime

we're just hanging out and I will just don't we made hats captain hat. We made a go carts. You made a go car. Can you do anything out of this fucking book? And I'll just like the other day I'm sitting there. I got a pair of shoes. I got a nice. They came in a really nice shoe box with I go, come on. Let's go garage. We got a bunch of hoses. I made a fucking proton pack Ghostbusters with some rope a shoe box and some hose He's and it's still better than the real one if you bought one He's running around the house catching ghosts all fucking day and me and him made this shit. It's unfuckable We made this look. I'll show you scroll making a TV series out of it now Look at this me and he goes like this dad. I's unfuckable. We made this look. I'll show you. I'm making a TV series out of it now. Look at this. Me and he goes like this dad.

I want a pirate ship. So I went in the sea that log right there. Click on that one. See that? That was in the backyard. That's one of the pirate ship. So turn the volume down. We have to hear my corny fucking apple. Jesus. That was so gay. Oh, it's the worst. I like it though. Did any of you cry? Look at that. Look at that. I cried. I was gonna have to go away.

There you go right there. I made that fucking pirate trip. Wow. That's awesome. Yeah. And my wife, I gotta give her credit. I love that you got little fake black guys rowing. Nice touch.

Nice detail. You did that? Yeah, I built that. Me and that? I built that. Me and my friend Joe built it. Oh, Joe built it. Joe didn't buy it. Damn, you got a lot of shit in your back, yours, man. This is sort of a bitch that me and Joe built it. I went down, bought the wood, and it was in my head.

I was like, I can do it, but I got it from that book. Yeah. That book actually gave me, this is what you can make. This is what you can do, yeah. We built the, we built a go cart and yeah. And again, I have no fucking, I end up. Guys, we're gonna start talking about pussy and dig again. She just left the podcast.

Yeah. Bring up herpes when you come back. The, the go cart. So we build a go cart and the book doesn't tell you details I had to make shit. It's like pretty basic. Making a H shape with axles. That's your go-cart.

And then we just put a trunk on it that opened with hinges. And then I put a loose thing on the back behind the seat. So I could push off with two sticks and then jump into a little bucket area in the back so we could go down together. So we go down the hill. And my daughter, who at the time is about four, she's up in the car waiting for us. And we're gonna go down the hill and my daughter who at the time is about four She's up in the car waiting for us and we're gonna go down this hill find the steepest hill on the west side of LA

And we go down it first run And I'm in the back and we're flying and he's got on all my hockey equipment helmet elbow pads the whole thing I'm on the back teetering like an asshole and he starts to slalom Oh, no, we go up on two wheels and then it just flips. Oh my god Sideways flying down the hill and we're both laying in the middle of the street bloody We crawl to the side to the sidewalk. I were laying there for like a minute like out of breath like what the fuck I'm like you're right. He's like, yeah, I'm alright So we we dragged the thing up the Hill. Meanwhile, my daughter's four.

She's been alone in the car. Jesus Christ. You couldn't have killed. This would be a kid in the car. I know. And then we get home that night. And my wife was ballistic about what the fuck are you doing? Oh my God.

So he's in bed. He's got bandages. And she's Christ. And I said, again, I said, again, I said, the hill won tonight. I said, but we're going to win next time. I said, you know, I said, you know, I said the hill one tonight. I said, but we're going to win next time. I said, all right, dad. It's nice.

Oh, all right. That was way to some house. I was waiting for like, I'm never doing that again. Go, card. I want to do that. I built that you should build the tree for it. You should build something like that. Yeah.

Just have, just go down and get a bunch of fucking four by fours, two by fours, and quarter inch plywood all treated. You in a bunch of screws. I can have this Ecuadorian guy that doesn't landscape it. Dude, don't fucking, you do your kid, man. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I don't. You do your kid, you go cart, I'll do it. I'll do it.

I'm not your kid. Why not? Now the tree house is great. Yeah, because it's like a Lego kit. I'll do that the fucking treehouse. I'm not you kid. Why not now the treehouse is great Because it's like a Lego kit you can just keep adding Yeah, it's like living in Guatemala. That's how they build their regular houses, right? It's like a tree fort. Yeah, yeah, you go down there like the top of the fucking roof isn't done yet No, have you been a god fucking Jose is moving in? Have you ever been down it?

I've been to twice. Yeah, all right, what happened? I really liked it. I love you. No. No, of course. Yeah. Did you guys cry when your kids were born? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, my son was, I said, yeah, I cried. I didn't like fuck. Ooh, like, you know, but I teared up. Yeah. I wanted a daughter. Did you want a daughter? No, I'm kidding. I wanted a son.

I thought we were gonna have a girl. And then we had the boy. It was like, I I'm kidding. I wanted a son. I thought we were going to have a girl, and then we had the boy. It was like, I got a fuck because we wanted a girl. I am so glad that we got a boy. Well, you know what? I wanted my son, Lucas, to have a brother, and then when my daughter, Sophia, was born, and now having her, it's the fucking close.

That little girl is fucking unbelievable. Because I had a brother, and we were very close. So I wanted Lucas to experience that and then this little girl Who's just so strong and independent and funny and like just and I was like holy shit man. It's really cool, man I'm just go I'm bl- you know I have having both is great. I'm thinking I want to have another one my wife's You know in a 40s too, so I want to have a girl because they say girls will take care of you boys Which is fucking leave you out there to hang You know what I mean? No, it's true.

Right. That's true. They'll stick behind. I got a boy and a girl. Yeah. How did you have one older or did you have the kid, young? We were 33, I guess. Oh, really?

Yeah. What's going on? My wife's in her 40s. I don't know if she can have one. Well, she can have one, but it's probably going to be. Yeah, because my mom was one, the two when I was born. She could be right there.

It's not gonna take care of you, Neroly. I'm gonna have to take care of it. I'm gonna have to take care of it. Yeah. It's a little funny. He's fucking every night. He's here. Beep, beep, please.

Beep. Thank you, God. Beep. Thank you, God. Beep shit. No, my mom was 42 when I was born and my friends like to say that I'm lucky that I'm not retarded. Yeah, I mean, look, you're close. Close. I have a thyroid problem.

What's a thyroid problem? It's like a hormone and my body doesn't make enough of it. Really, can you take a pill for it? Yeah, I take pills every day since I was like in third grade. No shit. And it helps you? Yeah, but I'm like bad about take a pill. No, but I take them. I'm like, I'm back. I'm back. Take six dildos to Canada. I can't take a fucking pill that helps you out every day. She's like the amazing Jonathan. I've been Canada. She really is the carotop of pussy's up again.

It wasn't embarrassing because I mean I have GSA pre-check. And no one was there so it was just me going through just staring at the woman looking at my dildos. Oh, you did carry on with the dildos? Of course. I'm kind of check a bag. I like that. And what about Lou?

Did you get the Lou? She got the Lou. She took the Lou out. She brought the like she brought the loop You guys really planned this. I'll bring the hardware you bring the loop. I'm gonna bring 17 bottles of three ounce loop There's one outfit Fucking wear it. It's gonna hold the cut the asshole It's gotta like a towel like a center has on

Taisy used to wear to the ring I Jesus Christ The tool belts kind Kinda cocking gun. The towel ties to the wall. Oh shit. Oh shit. Motherfucker.

So what's the future with this girl? I mean, it doesn't sound like you guys got to know each other like emotionally. No, we talk every day and Right, so what's the next step? I'm gonna visit her in London in July. Yeah July. Yeah, all right And then hopefully in the fall we'll be able to see each other again too and who's further along in their comedy We're both doing great. It's like fun. Yeah, we're both yeah, we both turn 30 this year and we're both doing really good So she's British though. She's from Toronto, but she's been living in England Oh, so she's so she has an accent shit. She has like a little cute mix of both. I love versus she's got the accent

She talks funny All right. All right. Now it's time for you to get it. Oh, baby, you know, I'm glad we're not weighing that in power. I'm fucking Jesus Christ. It's a meter long. It's on fire.

Oh, my God. It's fucking rims. All right, now I fuck you. You fuck me and we fuck each other. Do the sound like a guy rich movie. We fucking change it. It was British, not Australian. I risk. It's in the Bronx by the end there.

Jim Serb ago just showed up. Hello. Do that accent. Like an old fucking. just showed up. Hello. Oh. Do that action. Like an old fucking. Sit over here, Jim. Mike. Sit over here, buddy. Sit over here on this.

Yeah. We're talking. Fucking surpoca. Just walked in. The fucking bitch. That's another cigar smoker. Jim. Jim smokes a car.

Oh, he does. Yeah. Yeah. We're talking. girl? What's our girl here has a beautiful girlfriend. She's in love and she just went up to Canada. She got here. Yeah right here. Me. I know. Lisa just yeah, she's a girl. Took a walk on the vat side. Yeah. She took a walk on the vat side. She took a she went up there like a gunslinger. No clothes and build those. Yeah, she she like, uh, she was like going to war. She was going to pussy warla. And I changed in the bathroom.

I've never like flown for sex. And then I changed in the bathroom. I bought lingerie like I did everything. Are you kidding me? Yeah, so I have chit, yeah, I changed into my makeup there and put it on a chill outfit, but hot laundry. So how far into being in Canada, did you find up with something in you that you brought? That night, but yeah,

but I got something in me earlier, but not that I brought. What? It was hers. So she was like, listen, whether you're yours later, we're gonna use more now because they're actually edible and they'll go bad, okay?

That'd be so funny if she shows up like a fucking snap on tool truck. And then the other girl shows up on the rag. Like, all right, sorry, I guess we'll just hang out. No, I planned it. No, this works out so perfect. Group plan, yeah, plan this stuff. Was this the first time? With a girl? Yeah. No.

No, but it was like a group thing once and then once and I was like 20. Group thing. Whoa. What's a group thing? I had a fourth time, you know that. Oh, four, but I was like a group thing once and then once and I was like 20 group thing. Whoa That was a group thing. I had a four-star. You know that. Oh, four-star. Yeah, yeah I don't know I wasn't in it before you guys two girls two guys two girls. I've done that Yeah, I've done I've done two girls and me. I've done two guys and one girl. I've never been to you wouldn't talk about this What what the two guys the two guys and one girl? No, I't talk about this. What? What? The two guys. The two guys are one girl? No, I didn't.

I went and fucking dude. I was two guys. I've done two guys. It was me. No, I wasn't the girl. It was me and my friend and the girl. I was talking to that with me and you and the girl. We never did that.

That would be fuck. She wouldn't know who was fucking her. She keep looking up at it. Which one? Where you guys going? Where's the little one? Where's the fat one? No, but I wasn't nervous. Like I wasn't like I was a pro.

So I was nervous to. On this way. How did it happen? To throw it down. Yeah, like I wanted to do a good job. How did you? We met in Australia at the comedy festival. Okay.

Yeah. She met in Australia, so she, but she's in love with this girl, which I'm so happy for her. Yeah. Because, you know, she's had a hard time with guys or whatever, every time it's like this guy's in the ass. Oh guy's an asshole blah blah blah. She's just a guy shouldn't go out in public. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking thinks she's gonna have a hard time with her.

No, she is. Here's the thing you stay home. Oh, God. I wonder why she's having a hard time with guys. There's been a crime if you animals were locked up in a house so fucking day. As she said, all guys, all guys should want, all guys should be out when their own public should have a woman with them. They should not be out, let out unless it's, let out.

We're not fucking, we're not fucking. They have a Saudi Arabia. They do that to women. Like that's what that should happen here with men, I think. I think crime would go down. Why would crime go down? Because they wouldn't be allowed there. They're stabbing.

They have your Bonnie and Clyde. I like that. Yeah. Who do you think stops crying? Women? No, the people, like I said, you can be working. Yeah. You can be working.

See, I countered. Yeah, you can work. Yeah, I put on my nick to polo hat. I thought that. Hey, hey, clock's up. What if it stops at that? You want to think of that? I don't think I'm fucking, no, I didn't think of that.

You're fucking, you're a gypsy. You know. Take that when you don fucking, you're a Gypsy. You know. I think that we're in Dildos. All right. All right. Here we go. I think it's beautiful that you went up there. I just think it's fucking nuts that she had her Dildos. Now, was there a sink full of Dildos?

I mean, like, for me and my wife go away and there's always a dish that she has to do. Who you know was there just to sink a tub full of dildos? Well, there's like cleaners, but yeah, we had a sweet. How many batteries did you guys buy? Is it all battery? No, my all my vibrators are rechargeable. Oh really?

You better bring that. You got to bring the fucking chords. Oh my god, what a nightmare. It's a good fucking fail. It's a good fucking fail. Is it like an iPhone where like one chord does all of them or you had to bring seven different chords? I brought two different chords.

Let me ask you this now, what in terms of coming? Like in terms of coming, like this, most couples. It sounds like an interrogation detective. We'll orgasm simultaneously. Bobbi. Bobbi really happened. Bobbi comes and falls asleep. But like, I assume like, would you guys take turns coming

or would you try to climax at the same time? I'm no, it turns. Different turns. Yeah, but she would come from fucking me too, yeah. Really? So she's fucking you. She comes from fuck. Wait, how the fuck?

There's a woman come from fucking straps on her strap, but don't what have like a yeah, it's vibrating, but it also like rubs on the clip. Is it made to rum in the clip or just or she's really good at it? I don't know. So she came.

She sure she was fake in it. Yeah. Okay. So she came. She was fucking you. What? We only fake with men why Cuz it moves the process all right, I not listen you're not involved in this okay

You're still banging dudes all right you're banging we're talking to the next No, no, of course she hasn't no she's been with dirty dish She's been with dirty dick. She's blowing. She's blowing shit dick. She's blowing. She's shitting assholes and seecalking. Yeah. She's going on.

She's going down to Dave Smith in a story. It's a blow. She's not adventurous like this woman. She's not worried. She's not going to custom do things. How many dicks did you bring again? I only brought like a brought a vibrator. One vibrator.

And then the magic wand. And the big, big, back massage. Sure. Okay, so you brought a vibrator. How big was the vibrator? It's actually great. It's Lilo. Lilo.

Lilo. It's like this juice bomb, but it's so good. It's called the juice bomb? It's a great juice bomb,. It's a very good. I'm gonna be throw up. I'm gonna get a mouthful. I may want to get the juice bomb going. Put that vibrator on my clitoris and get my juice bomb. Where is it? Let me see this. Let me see. Yeah, they have. It's like a company. So they make you love it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I had the third one. No, like the blue one on the right.

Okay, can ask you a question. But it's probably the first one that angle is a little different than the fourth one. Yeah. That angle, where does that one go? And where is the fourth one go? Maybe that's an answer. Wait a minute, though, but what asks is that?

What do you mean? That's for the clip. Look at the angle on the first one. I think the first one is an outing. See, you get the dick and then you get the angle going this way. The fourth one, the angle on the first one. I think the first one is an out. You got the dick and then you get the angle going this way. The fourth one, the angle is going up straight up. No, this goes in the vagina and that's for the clip. Okay, look at the first one. I used to lock on my steering wheel. Look at the first one. Oh, maybe that's

supposed to go all the way in and it does hit it. Listen, yeah, this goes in and that's the clip. All right, follow me me will you follow me with the mouse please Be my producer not her vagina friend Look at the first one now look at see now go to get right there now see how that Clint Oh, it's my wife. Oh shit put her on are we gonna eat after this? What downstairs? Oh Yeah, I was pussy Go down on you along right after this.

Oh, sorry, honey. Hello? Yeah, hi. Oops. Did you hear that? A little bit. All right, we're just joking around. It's the body.

Yeah, jokes. I got jokes too. You wanna hear them? Yeah. Does it sound like a vibrator? Yeah. What's up? I'm still doing my second show.

What's up? Oh, nothing. I was just, I didn't know if you had done. I'm not done. I'm not done. Today's the longest day ever. I'm not done. Sorry.

We're going over vibrators though. I might get a vibrator for you. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH What was that? Why'd you hang up on her? My wife was attacked by a hornet nest. What the fuck? What fiber here's that? I tell you what, cut you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's great. I love you, baby.

I'll talk to you later, right? Bye. How does it feel to have your wife get a bigger laugh? Why was that in the arms, Reed? So quickly. I'll stay home. Listen to quickly. I'll stay home. Listen to me. I'll stay with that kid every fucking day of the week.

I'd love it if she became a hit. I hope somebody heard that. We should give her a show. Your hemorrhoids, like, hey, maybe me and her come over together. Oh, fuck me, dude. Wait, that thing was an arm's reach for that gag. Yeah. She was fucking, was that a plan? She probably has one around the, ever around the house. Like, I have was in arms reach for that gag. Yeah. She probably was fucking, was that planned?

She probably has one around the, ever around the house like I have weapons, in case somebody breaks in. She has dildos and vibrators. Just to get the kids. You can be surprised at us. Ask women at comedy shows. How many of them have a dildo in their purse?

You'll be fucking shocked. Why in your purse? So when you're driving, they say, because when I'm driving, I get bored and I slide it down my pants Vibrator what a vibrate time I just put something on my clip a gildo would be hard to just slip down your pants you'd have to break it You're like a lip size vibrator. Do you have you done that? Oh, yeah, I like to master rate a lot of places like where I'm like a airplane bathrooms as a faith

Just public bathrooms mostly. You know, don't you get skips? I actually, the flight from Australia, I did it in my seat. I like to see it next to me. And so, yeah, I have mastered it twice on my flight. What, who is next to you? Nobody. And I had premium economy, so I got spread out.

Did you get my leg room? I had a blanket, I had a full blanket. Did you have a tent? Did you have a, I put it at, yeah. A aluminum fucking now. I think the guy diagonal for me might have seen something Did that turn you on that he might be looking yeah, wow I wish I didn't have a wife I would fucking fall you around I would just be a little gung at this I'd be a dildo bag holder

I can't I think you're gonna need a This one for that pussy, with all the hair around the hole. That's an English pussy, and I've seen those before. You're gonna need the... It's gonna break a little right. Yeah, and that pond right there,

which is her asshole, you need to... I'm gonna grab a pin. You, uh... I used to masturbate on every flat I took as a straight line. I used to go into the bathroom. As soon as the, uh, unbuckle your seatbelt light would go off,

I was in the, it was like, ding! And I was up. It was like, pat-lobs. Because people want to pee, so you don't even wait until it comes down. Here are the firsts and you make straight in. Straight in, because here's my thing. Once I jerk off, then I go to sleep instantly. So I would, How do you when you're scared?

How do you fucking get into scared? You said, didn't you say you were scared to fly and that's why you did it? Oh, yeah, but it relaxed me. Jerking off relaxed me. Oh, okay. So what about when you go back in your sleep? You said I'm a cylinder stand.

No, I'd stand up and you know how the, the ceiling is like angled towards you. I'd put my forehead against the ceiling, and then I lean forward, and here's the kit. You gotta line the bowl because your gizz will seal because it's dry and it's air blowing down. So you gotta line it with toilet paper, lean the forehead, work it out overhand,

and then just sit down and go to sleep. Fuck. That's why I always saw that grease spot where your head's supposed to go. So this fucking perv. So it's your, so you jizz on the toilet paper. Right. You hope, you, I mean, you don't have,

no one has perfect aim. You get, you aim for it. Right. Yeah. Yeah, that's why you're leaning forward. You're trying to get the angle down. Wow. Yeah.

And then you crank one out. How long does it take you? Not long, probably about three minutes. What do you think it of? Dying. Now, well, Nick DePolo had this great joke about how he would jerk off an airplane and he'd be walking into the bathroom. And he's like, and he's got it. He catches a glimpse of a hot chick as he's walking in. And then some ogre is standing there going, how long you need to be? And he's like a lot longer now. I'm not loving it.

He's the best. So funny. But no, I can get it off pretty quick. And you know, I go to the early images. I got the fundamentals. Jill Darfunkel from high school. I go right back. You still have a girl from high school that you go to?

No. no. I probably go to, because I still do use my imagination, but I have that phone though. There's no need. I just take that phone out. Oh, this is on an airplane. Yeah, I go to clitty.com, write up, talk, what? What? Hot moms.

What was the first one? It's clitty.com. Clitty.com. Where do you pay for your porn? Now you know I pay for my porn. You know you don't know why I want to I heard them. What are you talking about? It's their job.

I pay for everything. I music everything. The porn started. I let me take something. I fucking supported them for a long time. And I feel like you if you're not paying for porn, you should buy your favorite girls gifts on their Amazon wish list. Or do like they have like all

the girls I jerk off to a dead. That's great. That's fine. I'm one of my gonna buy your remote. I'm gonna help her go fund me. That's your t-shirt after shows. I watch that. All the girls I jerk off to are dead. Those would sell. They are fucking dead. All the girls I like are dead. Did you watch a Tells porn show on Showtime? No, no, no, no, I did an episode of that I said yeah, I sat on the couch with this porn star from the 70s and She was from the 70s and so to get ready for the show Dave sends you links to their porn and I had spanked it so many times because It she was fucking beautiful and she came on the show and she was still hot. Oh, man.

Yeah. Wow. I actually gauge is like, and Beladonna were my favorites. Beladonna's been in my hot tub at my house. What? I used to do my podcast from my house. I got that hemorrhoid. And Beladonna came out of Beladonna's snacks.

Beladonna came over with her boyfriend slash manager slash time slash one more slash. And and she I said, well, you take a hot tub in my house and so we went in. Meanwhile, like my, my visit midnight and my bedroom window is right off the back of the house where the hot tub is. Wife's in there sleeping. I'm in the hot tub with it. I didn't get in.

She got in naked and I was in your house Who's in there? Yeah, your wife was home. Yep You didn't get it up. I didn't get in the hot tub But was she into it or she'd be mad if she saw her she knew she was like that. Yeah Wow, I don't care. Yeah, Bella Donna her feet. She's really to the foot. Yeah, she likes that She's hot man. Well, I like her tattoo. She's hot. Yeah.

Gage is hot too. Living our, oh, look, a pair of dogs. Yeah. She's, she's a vegan too. Wait, but find one. She had a shaved head. I have the same mouth with that little space between your teeth. What's that called?

What is that thing? Oh, yeah. She gets sick. No, she had her head for a while. No, she, she had third trimester porn sex. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What?

Who said, mm-hmm. I thought that was cervical, but what the fuck? I, uh, gauge, type in, porn star gauge. This is the one I like. She, Bella, do my porn again. Bella, do my favorite. It's hot. Hey, Bobby, we should do a porn again, gauge.

She is? Yeah, she, oh yeah. Oh yeah, there's my baby girl. Bella, Donna's doing porn again gauge. She is yeah, she's oh yeah. Oh Yeah, the Lodona's that a business she retired. Oh look at gauge my favorite She's got her piece Lodona. Oh, okay gauge doesn't Look at gauge go to the uh, all right go to the first photo Right there click on that little cutie look at that little suck and I suck it to 14 That's sick. From people fucking cousins for nine generations.

Yeah, that was fun. Where are you going daddy? I got a good age tag again. Burn down. I think I know what I want to do for a living, daddy. What's that? I want to suck. I'm done in the game. I made another star. You're sister Bella Donna. Now you age. I name you motherfuckers right.

Goes girl. No, she's related to Bella Donna. No, she's not. I made that up for our story. How is the good bet? There's a thing is that she, oh yeah, there's she had a kid. He's a tell she had a kid.

Oh, right there on the foot. That, right there on that one right there. See the big vagina lips. Look at the one on the lips at the feet and the blue. It doesn't have to be a kid. She's a fucking hammered every fucking that day. For fucking giant cocks all day. I'm sorry, you know what, Versa, you got a good point. The next photo to the left is two cocks in her pussy

and I'm wearing a, she had a kid. She got a fucking monster jigsaw over her over I wonder why those lips are a little stretch bobby what the fuck a bell paulsy in the fucking photo to the right what's that one three two over the right to the right right there what's that one what happened that's a mug shot that's when jizz dried under fucking cheek which you got caught blowing a guy for money. Like Mary Joe, but a fooco doing porn. Oh, you motherfucker. I was got me.

Who's your, who's your favorite? I have a few, but Adriana Chechek and she won AVN performer of the year this past. See, I don't like, I don't like girls that win awards. No, she's fucking great. She's so good on her Snapchat. Adriana Chechek. So gauge is good because she's a little young. She's old, but she looks young. She doesn't like when they win a war. She does a lot of baby sitting. No way.

CHE. CH. Oh my god. You know, you know, you're not a spell that names. Okay, check, check. You know, you're an obscure porn star when I got to spell every fucking letter in there. Oh, she's great I like her. She's also funny. I'm Twitter nothing pops up before you hit the third Z Yeah, she's actually pretty. She's great. Yeah, she's a little goofy in the one down there go down. It's great right there That was just a goofy looks like Lauren's sister if she had Welcome all the fun rise are close together. She's I want to do Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Look, all these things. You put in D.A. and Dahmer comes up very quickly. I like her a lot. Is that her?

Yeah, she's one of my favorites. She's all right. I like her. I like her. I like her. She's in a nun outfit. She's not going to hell. That's not her.

I'm just going to put her. Oh, sorry. Oh, that's a Muslim. Why is that coming up? I got to get a fucking. I want to go to what's it called? My moons. Clity.

Oh, sorry Yeah, I agree What do you think that is with the burger you think that someone hacking in and like inserting Muslim women into porn science? No, there was um last year No last year on porn have one of the top like Hits was this Muslim porn star go to clitty.com. I want to I want to Everybody's choice The stuff in a bunch of my thumbs are I want to see what your genres Okay, I I I don't have a genre. Yeah, you do of course we all John yeah, you do I also like watching this is why I like this one okay

We got you found this hot mom home a Fuck is that what scroll no no, no, don't do that. Okay. Shubby anal sex. Just go back, click, yeah, yeah, it sounds like a favorite. Ben and Jerry's. Look at mom's amateur, Chinese, Japanese, extreme. I don't think we want to touch extreme, do we?

Yeah. I don't know what happens with extreme. Are you sure that little mole, what's that one? Yeah! That's what that, that's fuck is that. That that little more? What's that one? Oh, yeah. That's what that, that's what the fuck is that? That's a penis that doesn't get circumcised, Paul. What's gross? It looks the secret.

Can we please move that away? She just, or I take it. I gotta eat. She just, she just, she just said it looks like a secret. No, she's right. It looks like something out of fucking hell. I would do public public. I scroll down, get it out of you.

I would do massage right now. If I was gonna fucking crack one out, cause she looks like a legit massage. I would do public. Which one? Public. Public, what would you do, Paul? Right from here.

Wait, what's the, I like to go out on a beach? I could do beach. I didn't know that was a cattle quarry. What is it? Beach. Beach is good. What? Like Mandy Khalifa, something like that, with the most

I'm very talking about. Oh, yeah, maybe it might. Me, Khalifa. Oh, look at vintage. Look at the clothes. That was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. The girl in the beach, though, she needs to turn over and get her pussy in, because she's got really red back.

That's, they've been sitting there way too long. Maybe she just was on her back on the sand. Oh, someone's CS that I have. I have,. Maybe she just was on her back on the sand. Oh Someone see us I have I have Scroll that a little bit see it's that's that's a lot of I would do the BDSM BDSM scroll that more. What kind of food is that? What are you hungry? Yeah, all right. We're gonna wrap this up Oh, I do have two new favorite porn stars show. I like them all Jim. Do you have a favorite porn star? I like them all Jim do you have a favorite prawn points time Point star. Yeah, you don't know the names. No really. Yeah, you don't know the point you don't have a favorite of all time

What's your genre I like vintage vintage click on vintage go back up. I want to click on vintage I want to see what put Jim's into Vintage me's all real tips and hair and just fucking hair look at that dress. I love it You know hotter pussy isn't that dress? It takes nine takes nine days to get that dress off that bitch. Let me see. Let me see scroll down a little bit Ooh, you know what? I'm in the vintage too. I think yeah, that's when people with people look at the sleep one Oh, send me that link over to the left over to the left. No nine months ago right there. Yeah, click on that click on that. We can't watch it But just send me that link. Can we not watch it? I don't click it. I don't do that Right if you close something is that bad. No, get me that one send me that I'm gonna get a virus. I'm out of here

You don't get viruses from here What is what is your favorite points though? I only will I only watch exclusively Japanese hidden camera massage lesbian. Oh, really? He's, he has a straight face. I mean, I saw, I saw a, someone sent me a link to this porn. Japanese, they have the blur out the penis. Yeah. Oh, well, there's never penises.

It's all, it's all lesbians. Well, this one they have. They're not lesbians. One's a lesbian. The other one has no idea until he sent me this guy getting a haircut. It's Japanese guys getting hair cut. There's a girl cutting hair over there and there's a he's getting his haircut and all of a sudden he went stop and he could stop time and the girls would freeze and he'd go and grab the titties and then go go and they go back to cutting hair. And it was, was everybody just go stop and they go and then he just take his dick and put it in the mouth and then put it back and then go go and then she cut her hair. It was so fucking great. Was Bill cause me the barber? Oh All right, let's wrap this up. What do you got? Oh my god? I don't know glitter cheese on the internet

And I have some day it's I'm sure but I'll be in Kentucky in July What are you bringing down there? I got fucking double booked in Tampa. What do we double booked? They canceled my weekend? Why I don't know They booked someone probably better. Oh, cells more take I have no idea someone message me like a double book than so got canceled Okay, what a size but yeah, when did he cancel you? I just found out a few days ago But perfect because my mom's birthday. I'm gonna surprise her She's getting old unless she listens to this podcast. She does she doesn't but she has been stalking me on the internet It's a human man. I will you to put a different name in what we don't want to find out the you don't put this on Facebook though. If she lists this spot. Oh

no. Running surprise birthday is the last the British. Yeah. It's called the name of this podcast is a pussy gunslayer. American pussy gunslayer. Well, Rhino who's like someone like you know my last name is Trigger. They like to say trigger happy. What's going? We got Sully and trigger happy. Who's Sully?

His hemorrhoid. Oh. No, I'm going to be other places. Oh, I'm going to be in San Francisco for cluster fest this weekend. Oh, yeah. Can we have there? I think we're doing something. Are you going to be in Toronto for Jeff on September?

No, I'm going to Jeff. I'm going to where are we? Oh, you're gonna Montreal Montreal That's telling it's gonna be at that festival. Do you know that we're enemies? No, you just said that randomly. Yeah, I just some working with It's fine now. It's fine. Well, what happened? He was hurt. She said just weaker. Oh my god. That's the worst Great tell me what happened. I'm not talking about it. I know we're fine This is a fucking this is a piece of kind of podcaster. I'm not talking about it. I know we're fine. We're gonna have to wrap some of that. Oh, this is a fucking piece of podcast or are you?

I just thought it was so funny that you just backed up and presented. Buddy, I'm just trying to back out to sound like I backed out on someone people go, what you doing? I tried to back it out. Now go. Oh, or maybe I shouldn't be because it's. Oh, you should. No, no, no, we were just invaders for a festival.

She gave me some of her potato. I was in the ice, we were at Chili's. I said sit down, we're fine. Sorry, we'll leave it at that. Now by potato, what do you mean? She gave me potato. No. No.

No. What was it shaped like? So I mean, so I mean, you're fun. Did I have batteries? You're about to brook stones. And then we all started. She peeled it.

We just started when we were also young. So so it's like you're going to have fights. Yeah. Yeah. I used to fucking think 50 was a cunt. Did you? No. I love you. I'm kidding.

Are there any people that you were enemies with when you first started that you've grown to like that you? I think Oony Adams I didn't like, but now I like when I first met him I was like what a fucking cocksucker But he's just Oannie I like I like him now, you know, it's funny The people you start with that you have beef Swift once you both survive a certain amount of years in this industry You just feel like your brothers or sisters. I fought with a lot of guys over the years But it washes over after time because this business is so fucked. So we're best dainty, get along with dain.

We don't talk anymore. Are there people? My feet is removed. Why is the feed removed from YouTube? Did you just get that? Oh shit, probably because we're looking at porn. Oh shit. Can we go back up?

Are we recording? Oh good, yeah, we're recording. We're recording. Don't worry about that. We got it all. They've probably pulled us off. Shit, are we gonna have to delete all that? No, I mean, I can edit it.

It's not a big deal. I got it all on here. Don't worry. Good job. Good job, Bob. Well, this is good for you because you brought up this fucking feud. I'll let it this part out too. But do you still have enemy? He's one of your enemies. He's not that. I mean, no. I don't talk to you. But do you still have enemy?

He's one of your enemies. He's not that. I mean, no, no. I don't have any enemies. I don't hate anybody and be like, fuck them. I don't have that enemy anymore. Who's got a fucking timer? I don't have that.

I mean, this guy's that I think are fucking douchebags. I'm not gonna, huh? Who? Who do you think douchebags? What do you think you're filled on to you? Fuckin' one knee. I'm not opening up to you. It's whatever, you know, whatever. But yeah, we, this guy, I don't talk to Dane that much anymore,

but he's doing this thing. I got a kid. I'm making pirate ships on the weekend. He's banging fucking elevenths and having parties with famous people. What we're driving a car from Mad Max. Yeah, he's driving. He's got a fucking Lambo. He's got a Jeep. He's got a Ducati. You know what I mean? He does photos with his shirt off on Instagram. I have my I'm fully closed and everything I do because I would get booted off Instagram if I took my shirt off. Would you would you appear in your underwear on a TV show? Yeah, I'd never fucking guess. I did, of course, I did, I did, uh,

whoop, I did on sirens, I fucking, Marin, I took my shirt off, sirens had a coke bottle in my ass all. Yeah, I do anything for television. Wow, money. All right. Yeah, why are you writing something? Keep that in mind. Yeah, keep it in fucking,

this is what bugs me though, as you fucking writers always want a fat guy shirtless. I don't know why. They see a fat guy take a shirt off all the time. Yeah. Yeah, why? Have you ever had a sexy? Yes, I had a sexy and Bronx warts.

Oh my God. And they put on one of those things to block my penis like the the nude socks. A nickel? They did. Oh, you made me too. I just tune it. You made me tune, you made me laugh. So how do I do it? You're showing it in shiggas all?

I didn't know I shit myself last Tuesday. Lorn will blow you. Flabbing, did you shake it? I'll suck that pack up. Why does it scarred you? It's a baby call for her. It's a baby call for her. It's a baby call for her.

It's a baby call for her. It's a baby call for her. Did you shake it? I'll suck that pack up. Why does it scar? Vinny and Cigol. Vinny and Cigol. That's our mainie call. Listen buddy, have some more client candy. Have some beer and client candy. I want you to shake your pants, Greg. I really get whipped up tonight when I'm sucking your dick.

I'm going to have a chino and get on the tilt of the world. That smell, Vinnie. Hey, have some of those clams. I think they're bad. I've got the runs. My kid has a, my kid has a stomach bug. I'm going to fucking make out with this kid right now. She's a fucking Syrian refugee camps where the diary is running rampant. Max, come here. Give daddy a kiss.

Goodbye. Oh shit. What? So, Verzy is got a special. Hey. Yes. Now, Verzy is got a special. Hey. Yes. Now, here's a deal. He's doing it with fucking made men.

What's that? Well, he's got a great crew behind him and he's got a great director and he's fucking going to kill it over at the Terry Town Theatre in two months. I know. Yeah. I know. I know. Actually, when we were talking about it, I think you Trevor

Noah and also Colin Quinn did did something there, but I was there twice and I loved it. And that's why I originally wanted to do it. And I told Bobby the story, I was supposed to shoot my special in May. Things got, you know, ugly and we had to back out of it. It's fine. You know, it's business and then other people, you know, jumped on board. And so I'm gonna be doing that in August. But tomorrow, is this live right now?

Live right now. I know we're not live. We're gonna be talking on YouTube. So I'm just gonna kick off YouTube for sexual violation. This, that sounds so dirty. Am I, are we gonna be able to come back on? Yeah. Are you sure? Oh, this thing's gonna be shut down.

This was the last one. Yeah. No, they're not gonna take stuff for every but this is that that's right cast channel Yeah, that's not mine. Yeah, I'm gonna tell Rob at least I'm in this kind of All right guys, it was just a fluffy porn. I only show porn though. Did we? Oh, we showed oh, we did images of don't ever let me do that again I only peppered it and don't listen let me do that again. I only peppered it in. Don't listen to me. Tell me now. I don't hear you. I know. I saw dick going in ass. I'm like, uh, just fucking one of the some titties. You got this. You got to say no, no. Like no, we're not doing it. Let's say no.

What's up? Uh, this weekend, I'll be at the comedy works. This weekend, I'll be at the comedy works in Saratoga. And tomorrow, if people are listening tomorrow, if anyone's a Connecticut, I'm going to be running my hour at the funny bone and hard for tomorrow. And I'll be at the Saratoga comedy works this weekend. That's May 30th tomorrow. What is just given the date in case you listen to the podcast and they not sure what tomorrow is tomorrow is the 31st, 31st. Yeah, tomorrow the 31st will be at the funny bone in Hartford and this weekend

I'll be at the Saratoga comedy works. That's the second and third that's a second and third of June Yeah, we just got it in my tanky the video has been removed the video has been removed Providing YouTube's policy on nudity. Oh sexual content. Yeah, Bella Donna had to Dixon her and you fucking don't want to show me I didn't know can somebody I'm just I'm a fucking performer. Yeah, you gotta just let it loose I'm not I gotta let this happen. Yeah, you need people around you people around me to stop me We barely showed it though. I didn't have the camera on it much, but okay Wow, I'm gonna report it the camera on it much, but okay, wow. Someone reported it.

Not at all, it's for YouTube. Someone reported it. No, nobody reported it. They just, that's... YouTube just knows. Yeah, they have fucking ways. Dig out the algorithms. They do.

You know, I was so impressed. American Express called me with fraud protection. They're like Chick-fil-A and an airport, which I would have done, but they knew it wasn't me. It's so impressive. Yeah. Yours is more like Chick-fil-A. What?

What does that mean? Malaysia. If someone was spending more than $300 at Brooks Stones, they'd be like, listen, I'll show you. Rob said it was a strike. We're still up and don't look at porn. Sorry, great. Third, congratulations. Oh, thank you. Very happy for you. You deserve it. You're hilarious. Thank you, man. Tomorrow night you're at a heart for funny bone with the girl that was on my show today. Oh, she's, uh, she's, uh, Kerry. She's, I think she's opening. Yeah, opening.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a great show. Go check them out tomorrow. Uh, fits. What are you going to? June 3rd, Bellhouse in Brooklyn. Go see him.

And I'm going to be in, uh, where am I? Baltimore. Baltimore. Where August, uh, August 19th, some theater in Baltimore good a Fitz dog.com You're doing theaters now, huh now little little tiny ones better than fucking none Yeah It's also in August. Yeah, well you'll sell in August. What week in August August 19th good luck. I Hey, you guys want to leave the

The rental house on the beach to go see 50? Hey, you guys want to put the boat away for a couple of days so you can go see Greg Fitzsimmons who he's a writer. He's Who used to date? He's got a hemorrhoid named Sully. He's got a podcast. What's a podcast? It's one of those things. It's not a radio show, but it's a show where you can put the cocaine and jet skis away. Oh, gosh. Show me.

What happened? It's in their beer. No, it's a theater. They have wine. During intimation, you can get one. Who's with them? No, but now I'm good. Oh, no, dude, good luck. We'll sell that out.

That's the worst plug I've ever gotten. I take off. I take longest off. Yeah, you're really? I take it off. Last year was my first year, the year because the year before I was talking to Jim and bottom member, year before he had me booked at clubs like I love, like clubs I liked the last week of August. Just burning your welcome for the future. And it's like, well, next time I go there, they can literally go, well, he didn't fucking

sell last time. I didn't sell because who the fuck am I getting off a lake house? The last week before, you know, the kids go back to school. So I just said, fuck it. Jim, he just threw you under the kids go back to school. Um, so I just said fuck it. Jim He just threw you under the bus man. Why why not do you it was my agent? You said Jim. Oh, I didn't mean Jim. Did I see Jim? I didn't mean Jim. Um, but yeah, we were both like fucking don't work And we called up Frostoso and we said don't fucking book me. I go on vacation now. Yeah, no notice that was my next date I barely work in the summer. I don't fucking book me I'm gonna vacation now. No notice that was my next date. I barely work in the summer

I don't work also Frost that's a cocksucker could do it out. Oh Yeah, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding All right, because she said do you get anybody hate anybody? I mean, I don't love the guy, but not Burse is the fucking best He fucking best Fucking escaped Shitty got frosty and then he went right back in again Ah, yeah, we're gonna do a thing with him. No, no, we're good. We'll do it another night. All right. We'll do it another night

Yeah, all right. Yeah, we how long did we do on this one couple hours? We're at Two hours twenty minutes and that's and that's you. I loved it, man. I love fun. Nice fucking crew. This was great. So much fun. Yeah. I know is she put it together. This is the producer right here. We put the shows together. One before this wasn't that good, but this one. She did a good job. Are both live. Well, we're alive. We got kicked off. But we're so are there. I'm very proud of that. Are there people out there that are listening to both in a row? Can't get it out. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is a good one. This was a fun one. Jesus Christ.

It was a great one. Oh my god. Jim, what do you got? I had nothing. That's not good. You have promoted Dennis Leary movie. I got no movies. We just did a little something.

Yeah. He just shot. He just shot. This is great. He just I'll fucking blow him up a little bit Just knowing else. Well, he's not gonna do it because he's humblass. He just wrote and shot how many how many were there? Four five six six of them wrote them for Jared freed. You know Jared freaks what I'm gonna tell him gonna get to it You know Jared Freed you know Jared right? Oh, Jared Jared funny guy's level bro Love will bro right great guy from Boston to funny guy He wrote and directed and filmed and edited

Six shorts They're fucking great. I mean unbelievable. They look great. They're unbelievable and he did it He wasn't one of them she were one was fucking hilarious. You're in the They're unbelievable. And he did it. I wasn't one of them. She were one was fucking hilarious. You're in the you're in the second one. No, you know, second one. Yeah. Yeah. Unfuck it. Really funny, man. Just great. And free. Great. Freedom is great. Free Jared. Free is a good looking guy too. You know, but on film, it's like, oh, this clock. Seconds got something really bugged me. His five o'clock shadow really came off.

But great stuff with him. Guys, thanks for coming on. All right. Nice. I had to come back. I'm not going to talk about something. What do you got? Oh, the chiptippers and podcasts on the right cast.

I want you promoting that. Why not? Listen, you don't promote other shows of my show. But he's the biggest one. He's not the biggest one. Oh, you know what? You never come back on again. Who's champ?

You're welcome here. You're not. Oh, jam. By the way, Fitstog Radio is my podcast. Yeah, please mention it. I want a podcast. If anyone is a nerd that will help me, please contact me. I can help you start.

I'll help you. Well, me and anyone in the house called, we're never leaving the house. So we want to do it in the home. That's a good one. Yeah, you should find somebody who runs a podcast that work. Yeah, we need help. I do. Do you run it?

Do I run? Well, I don't. Apparently Rob is, according to Nick the Pollo and everybody else who fucking, you know, Rob is Rob's, France is the guy. Not me. Rob fucking, you know, Rob is Rob sprants is the guy not me. Okay, Rob, okay. Yeah, everybody thanks Rob. Hey, thanks Rob and Ryan Cast.

What about me, you cock suckers? Yeah, but you don't want that because then if some guy and somebody did say this to me recently, they were pissed off at you because they wanted to be on your network and you said no. And so you don't want to be that guy. You want it to be your network. Matt Frost. Was that really somebody who was mad? No, somebody did. And so you don't want to be that guy you want it to be your network Matt Frost Was that really somebody was mad? No somebody did they wanted to be on my network. Yeah, and I said no You said no, I didn't say no

I don't know I just thought good for Bobby that he's got enough stuff that he can fit anybody in We don't say no, but we do everything on the cuff here We don't have like a big company behind us or whatever and We we you know it goes through it doesn't I don't just say no. I give Rob credit. He says no to yeah, so we'll see who I tell me after But the chip chip and some podcast is Fucking crazy and it makes me sick to my stomach that we allowed this fucking crazy shit It is the hottest podcast 70 over 70,000 downloads on its first week. That's great.

First episode. What's it about? It's fucking nothing. It's fucking chip being chip and it's fucking it. She's the producer of it. You know, he has guests on every, you should do it. You should do it. You should all do it.

Jim Norton's psychosis. Take the Michael for him. I don't know what he hasn't promoted my show one time. He's just up Jim's ass hole. Jim's got enough. All right. I found a show like three times. I love you, Bobby. I know. I just want to hear it. I'm a little sensitive. You know, right? We all know that. If you're a fan, you know, I'm sensitive. No, chip shows. I've been on it a couple of times. It's fucking. He listened to me. He puts so much.

There's he's not fucking around with this thing. And it shows because his show is is big. He's getting thousands of views on YouTube, thousands of downloads each episode. And it's a person that doesn't exist. That's amazing. That you got those numbers. Good for you. It doesn't exist. So it's like, he was number one on iTunes. And it's like, he doesn't exist. It's like crazy. This guy who Jim just made up to have a friend on the road. The only hope I have, and I told him this,

I hope this is how you really, truly become a superstar. Chip becomes like, Larry the cable guy, where you have to walk around, travel the bag of rules. He does it. He acts like that before we even do it. I know. He comes out. If you're on the show, you have to talk to him as Chip.

He doesn't acknowledge you. Yeah. So I hope he becomes successful. And for the next 20 years, he has to go, I got darned. And he has to do that. I hope he has to. And for the next 20 years, he has to go, I got darned. And he has to do that. I hope he has to, at meet and greets. Hi, little kids in wheelchairs.

You're a little fell off. I hope that happens. I hope he gets fat again too. Hope the fat chip happens. Now it's a hit and no one's in the past. I really do. I had a blast on it. So check out that show. Check out

all the shows at riot cast go to robcato live.com. I'm at the, um, D.V. comedy festival and Pittsburgh on June 23. Yes, that's going to be fun. Me calling Quinn and Kevin Brennan and a couple other people and just for laughs, Montreal for, I think I'm there for, I'm doing a month, right? Yep, you're there. What? Is your family gonna come for a better now? No, because we're going to Belgium before we go there. Really?

For seven, eight days. Just vacation? Yeah, just vacation. Why'd you pick your Belgium? My friend rented a 10 person river boat and he said, look, if you wanna come, all you have to do is buy your tickets. So, and I got free airfare because that all these points so we use them

Is there any is there any kind of like a weight limit on the boat? No, I'm not saying that in I wasn't fucking around like why is everybody laughing? Why really you're not fucking around what are you? Will you see an end now you son of a bitch? No, I'm concerned about people safety There's no safety. What are you talking about? I would imagine with a boat, it can only sink. And I'm not saying this right now. Why? What the fuck?

No, I just, what the fuck? Nine innocent lives. It's a fucking idiot. Ha ha ha ha. I ain't fucking idiot. God damn, you gotta be the last one, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah.

Ah, you motherfucker. I hope you're hammered at explode. Ha ha ha ha. You hope you have a great explode. Guys, the best fans ever. We'll see you next time on You Know What, Dude! Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty, shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Shine! Shine!

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