Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - 8 D*cks in a Duffel Bag

Episode Date: April 27, 2015

Robert is joined by Colin Quinn, Bailey Jay, Matt Terhune, Jaye McBride, Sue Kalergi, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? You know what, dude. On the RiotCast Network. RiotCast.com.

Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a costifier. This podcast has no rules. What are the mic-asshole? to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-defying podcast. It's no rules. Look at the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said, should I regret it? Can I get a mic? Oh, what the fuck?

That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of you guys on. It's just us sitting down, and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides to the coin The day my podcast is popular I might affect something you never know

We got a pack out tonight. I know side views of me. I literally is nothing worse than a nice side view of Bob Kelly in a t-shirt without a fucking button down shirt to fucking flare that out. I'm sorry man, there are so few angles that I can show you from that don't feature that Yeah, you know what let's just throw the fifth camera out the window and just have that camera Deepos on fire tonight. I will fucking I will throw the video portion of the show out the window with you. I actually breathe fire too. It's part of my yoga training

You a yogi. It's a fucking bad comic is what he is. Even hot quick. He's coming in hot. All right, so listen, we got a great show for you tonight. See how professional I am. I look red to the camera because it's not about you guys in the room. It's about the people watching live. Oh, we have an amazing show tonight. A lot of my friends, some new friends, some people haven't met yet. Well, you haven't met yet. She was like me, no, it's her.

And then it's, but now we're friends. We'll be. So let's go around the room. Scopo introduced the lovely podcast panel we have tonight. OK, we have a, what? We have a trans woman show. I learned from Bailey J. Yes, that is the hip way to say it

Yeah, it is right. Yeah, that's the way you say it Me trans man, huh? There is why isn't it trans man? Well, because that would be the opposite like if it's unbreakable That would be the opposite in equal reaction someone born female who's now a bloke That was too deep for me when you said I'm breakable in equal reaction. Someone born female who's now a bloke. That was too deep for me when you said I'm breakable. I was like, wait. I have a, you know the doctors who's booked the snitches

where they get the stars and the bellies, and they're gonna take a shower. That's what it is. We went through and got the stars. I thought there was only the cat in the hat and the doctors just passed away mercilessly. I'm voting for Hillary. Okay, so...

Too much estrogen. Of course. Of course we got. Go around the room from this way around don't fucking start across go from here I didn't I didn't juice bail. I said that was the correct way of saying it. Let's show Okay, I apologize You know what your I apologize and I'm glad that you did that what the shows initiative That's right as the producer the show You you fucking reached out and then made a decision on your own

to find out the correct way to say it. What would you text other? Who's gonna say chicks with dicks around the show tomorrow? And Colin Quinn. Right. I don't know if the fact that Scopus has been lifting and he's probably benching about 2.30.

2.45, actually. Look at Karen around his ass. Do you ever see his ass? I want to carry around his ass. Hang on. We're going to get to Scopus ass. Bailey J, who we all know and love. I'm going to go to, she has a big, big ass guy, big ass.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I like her guy with a fatty. A fatty. And there's no other guy on the planet that I know that has a fatier ass other than Midget then our Chris go yeah Oh Little people oh sorry. Oh, we did a trans woman thing and then the trans woman's a big it. I'm sorry everybody

This world is good to go. They're already all right Wistically Let's get back to talk about midgets and collards Wait a minute I like hard. I know you do. You like everybody in this room. You're in fancy on mask. I like it this way. I think it's awesome that he put his shirt on his lap as we start.

I think that's great. That's up. It's okay. Just okay. I'm just gonna stretch my hand over here if it touches something. Well, let's go. I'm just gonna stretch my hand over here if it touches something. Oh. Let me one of your people say no seven. It's 8.07 with a Ramos seconded chance. I would do the best positive.

If people just tuned in an hour and 10 in and we're just all fucking each other or gonna eat scubbos at asshole. If you can find it. But 8 1815, we're all passed out. Yeah, we're all passed out with just jizz everywhere. All the cameras are all fucking like phased out because they have jizz on them. Looks like a marshmallow exploded. Oh, Jesus.

All right, so scubbos go around the room. To my right, we have Albany comedian, J. McBride. Thank you for having us here. Very funny. Yeah, who I discovered when I just did the comedy works, which is a lovely club out in Albany. And I did a radio show and you were the producer, the co-hosts. Right.

What did it plug the show? The show is called Played at Funny. I believe it's on Hyde as for a few weeks right now. Oh, yeah. It was never a good word. It's a college campus. So they have a lot of stuff going on So there's so yeah, but it's it's got me an I heart radio culture rich phosphorus on he did it Yeah, now it's on I ate us

Yeah, we know it's more like the college and stuff like that I'm right soon. Nobody see Anna the Sisk in monks. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know. I was gonna say it. They love me. They wanted me to read an ad for a little filler for the Roman died in Catholic marises.

I don't think that. I don't think that's a bad thing that does. Well, male's wearing dresses for a month. Yeah, that's true. I was really screeching halt band in. Because I realized saying male's wearing dresses. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's true I was you had a screeching halt band Because I realized saying male-shoring dresses is not what trans women is all about so then I got I bailed on my own joke I love that you jammed trans woman in there where I really didn't fit Shut up. I was saying that I didn't never mind

Chris who's next Chris, who's next? Well, here's a thing about Jay, is that I told her to come by, do a spot, that night I would come by, and she did. Do a guess set. Do a guess set, which I really don't do. But I really don't like guess sets, but. Now, we don't like when guess sets are forced upon us. That's it.

I want, when the club owner goes, I'd like to take a look at this guy. We'll fucking do it on a Wednesday. Right. You know what I mean? Do that on your own fucking time. I don't need this fucking. Oh really, you got to test the waters before me.

He's doing five. Then he does 30 because he doesn't know what five is. Right. He's fucking can't get off on a bad note. Right. So, and Pixie killed and bombed. You know, you know, it does that a lot. No, no, no, the guy wants a comedy show.

Every Tuesday. Bobby, I'm putting him up for five, really? Five, fuck, fuck, fuck, he's a... The guy wrote a novel about the kidnap children. He's gonna do five. Fuck another should be fun. So she came on and I was, I was like fuck, cause up until that point, I knew you were trans.

Woman. Man, is there another world? I can't say trans. Trans, trans, trans, trans. Just porn word, I mean, I'm not the word police. I'm just trying to save you 25 minutes on Twitter. Okay, 25 minutes. Polarious.

Can't say tranny, that's not, no, no. It's like a porn word. I mean, I don't mind it, but there's people who would like, just like, yeah, I mean, I don't know if they heard it. Like, if Bailey called me a tranny or something like that, if that's our word or not. I'd be like, fine.

It's like, it's like, for a tranny. Yeah. When someone after, after show, it's like, you're a tranny, right? Or something like, it's like, dude. Yeah, yeah. But if he came up and I was like,

you're a trans woman, you'd be like, yes, I am. Why, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for noticing, right? I haven't noticed yet, but I'd like to noticing I haven't noticed yet, but I'd like to So anyways you did you did time and I was I I was gonna be like oh this is gonna fuck Yeah, what were your motives for the generosity of

I got off I got off the same time he did First of all fuck you and your CSI and my motives okay, I don't need you fucking Lighten sense I'm not judging you I just put myself in your position I said whoa I never give out I've never given a guess forever Hey, I was like yeah come down. Whatever you want to do Well, you're gonna be late it I'm gonna get a pizza at my room. I don't know if you're in the pizza. I'm gonna be doing a pizza at the holiday in sweets I don't know if you're in the pizza. I'm gonna be doing a pizza at the holiday in sweets The holiday in sweets and Albany by the way

Joe's picking a pizza you did because Chris told me Lewis ruined the food thing up here Yeah, it wasn't it was Lewis. I thought it was Lewis. It was Lewis. I know it was it wasn't was it Lewis I don't I wasn't here for that. I wasn't there for that. The minute he said it sounded real. Dude, I left the pizza round to the couch. I was gonna eat it while I was putting my rollerblades on. I put it down for a second. Dude, we had a pizza. We hear that day. No. We had the pizza party podcast. Girl was on the show. Her husband owns a pizza place down the street.

Fiori's. Yeah, Fiori's. I mean, unbelievable pizza. She brought down like 10 pies. We ate like savages on, you know, I can eat pizza, like you eat pizza, yeah. Really? I didn't know that. I just swear to God, I wish it was the 20s,

so all these bottles were glass. Smash ready a fucking stupid one. I thought it was a good one. I thought it was a good one. I'm Kruner haircut, I fucking hate you. I hope you're naked as I have hair Like the fucking you're on fire I'll try to get my photos. Thanks. Sorry. Yes to anyways. Yeah, I what's up? I'm gonna say leave easy listening hair from

How you doing? Selling. Thanks, me, Ray. Well, I'm going to. All right, saying to you. Crystal looks like a crystal. I love it. We're half an hour in. We've done two introductions.

I'm in my producer's part or something like that. Let's keep this show rolling, all right? Let's go. This is where we do it, though. OK. This is where we do it. I'm just, we're free. There's no rules on the YKWD. I really fucking stick. It's no topics.

Dude, we just talk. Dude, we fucked. Do I suck? I'm a little bit sold. Dude, we sorry. Yeah, but you really did great. I mean, you talked about being trans, and but it was funny. I never wanted to be like that. I didn't like preach it. Yeah, like the guy who has MS. have MS and then you laugh cuz he has MS Wait a minute though. I work again. I'm joined a lot of back last week. You know that is no, I just like the last I was hilarious Okay, okay, wheelchair with an electric wheelchair. No, but they do we know there's someone who I know I worked with someone who actually wasn't

Nothing worse than a wheel chair because you always have to help them on stage. You get the rip, the rip, the rip. You get a break, you're fucking, you know, I'm the headline about I got to come out early just to get this asshole on stage to do eight minutes. I can't remember the comics. I've been someone who had MS or just a sterical. Well, there was a comic in New York in a wheelchair. I figured it's not mad something. I don't know if I told you this a while ago, me and Al Dau Benet, we do this show in Hampshire. It's honestly got the white stallion bar.

It's, I think it's just a trailer that they put two trailers together and put siding on it and made it a bar, okay? Middle of the woods. It sounds like a porn. It was fucking creepy. We pull up, it up just very sparse crowd and this guy in the wheelchair he used to write his you know his notes on his dead legs

with ballpoint pen right because it didn't hurt and he had to go on stage and so the guys bringing him on stage he's the owner he's fucking shit face typical in the Hampshire slash Massachusetts You know dairy in a hamster that area. Yeah, no hamsters like it's like the dirt bad cousin of Vermont We're born like the trendy kids Hamsters. Yeah, so this guy brings my piece of it goes this guy. I'm bring up the host. He's uh, he's in a wheelchair He goes this guy I'm bring up the host. He's in a wheelchair. Right? Yeah, people laughing, huh?

And he's like, no, then he goes, yeah, you know, you know, he got there. He's empty in a fish tank out the second floor window and it pulled him out and he snapped his neck and it can't wait to paralyze. Oh, Jesus. All right. And he goes, hey, Matt, why don't you just let go

of the fucking fish tank dummy good point And he brings away go come on up good. He wheels up smiling. He that's true. That's true That was how we that's how we go paralyzed. Oh, that's awful. Yeah, awful, but funny But the funny but the guy wouldn't even leave him that joke for himself the fun It's like all these right. Come on. The funny part is the fish lip The funny part is the fish lip. The fish is fine. I'm sorry. So when I saw her, I was fucking pleasantly surprised.

I never actually wanted to talk about being trans. I tried to go years because I didn't want to be like, I didn't want to be known as like, oh, that comic who only does trans material or like a gimmick. But then I was like, but last year I started adding it. And like I realized like I was really holding back by not telling it, because I wasn't being honest with the crowd. And it's like, yeah. So it's like, well everybody's gonna be while you're up there going, what the fuck is going on?

And you're gonna be asking yourself, you know, all the guys gonna be like, oh, see, and all the girls are gonna be asking the same thing. But once you get that out, now we can just listen to this. Right, right. And you're fucking funny. Oh, thanks. Two, your jokes are funny. So that's a plus. And you're fucking funny. Oh, thanks.

Two of you jokes are funny. So that's a plus. If you were up there just using that as almost like, oh, this is what I am. But you don't. You're fucking hilarious. Oh, thanks. And of course next to Jay, we have the great Colin Quinn, CQ, who we live when he said, go buy it.

It was a cloth. We have the great CQ. And you know, you took your shirt off a little bit and this is a bunch because I talk to you on the phone more than we see each other. Yeah. I think we talk at least once a day almost just about yeah. Just about once a day and I always hear you in the background ordering some type of snacky poo. Right?

Yeah. Some type of cookie. Yeah. Yeah, you do it in a very, you know, you know, man of the people type away. A joke around with the people on the counter. They know me, eh, make a little joke like, hey, I'll take the broccoli spears and they know I want a cookie. A joke.

It's like a coffee shop so then this is no broccoli there, you right? I didn't say it was, you know, I didn't say it was an episode of Sidefell, like a sidefell. So what bugs you, that I look physically and pretty good at you? Can you fuck with me, look? You look the best you've looked, because you've gotten too fat. We all know that.

And we've gotten too thin. Yeah. Right now, you look healthy, you look good. The black t-shirts. You can't be just the black t-shirts. No, but it helps. It does. Black does help.

Yeah, that we're black most all the time. Been wearing black for fucking two years. It's done nothing. All right, make me look like a black balloon. All right? No, you look good, dude. You look good. You look good. What's your technique that you're using now

Well, it's why I love it you're your fifth technique since I've known yeah, you're that type of a technique when you have Weight problems. Yeah, everything disorders every fatso has his own technique Yeah, so a new technique which I've been keeping pretty good on is I'll buy like let's have buy a giant cookie like this big Now today the whole thing, but Let's have by a giant cookie like this big Now today the whole thing but Eat about one third or one half of it, right? So then we're fine. You got to know math to do I'll get French fries. You need to pro-traffit works. It doesn't act. Yes, it's on app I'll only eat like a third of the French fries this way. I'm never like I'm gonna die

I can't have that I can't have this I can have everything I want, but the portions of chance. That's smart. It's like way watch. It's way I mean I mean I mean I came out bitchy by a minute. No I know. I believe you. You always say you can't do that. You can't talk about this. You can't talk about this. No you I'm saying you say that you I don't want you ever talking about. You're talking about. There's man needs to remember the fucking one. No you said like you said someone puts like anything in front of you, you have to eat all of it though. So you do that little voice, that beautiful little voice. No, I'm a little boy, the dulcet. That's Matt from the Bailey J show, her husband, who is one of my friends.

I'm one of my good friends, one of my little nerdy friends, and what a nerd. I'm a nerd. You want to play Dungeons and Dragons? He's serious. I don't know if he's gonna play it. Yeah, be careful. Listen, if you can be careful, the Quinn, he'll take it. He's you want to be all played Dungeons and Dragons? He's serious He'll be careful listen if you can be careful to Quinn. He'll take it. Come on I'm gonna play you'll write him it over every week. He'll be the dragon. You'll be on the game He's a cutie right Fuck these brods. Let's get this kid get a wig on this fucking beautiful. I do a little boy

I wear it sometimes. He's put a wig on something. I'll be doing porn and I'll put a wig doing porn and put it on him I am I making the money. I'm T.S. Eliot. Yeah, that's it. That's his L.T. goes T.S. Eliot That's my drag name. I do you do drag? What do you drag? No, no serious question. I don't know I don't know what the first Instagram like T.S. Eliot though. I don't really read him. What did he write? April is the coolest month? A wasteland The fact that you're on the level of just fucking white trash Shit, from all Island and then you're up at T.S. Eliot level is why you're who you are. Do you understand that?

And why am I orange? you are. Do you understand that? And why am I orange? I will next to Cutie Petudi. Can we call you that? No. We have the beautiful and a friend of mine, Bailey J. Who I fucked up when I met her by becoming friends with her husband. I should have just killed that guy. I should have wrote this fucking queen right off

and never talked to him. That way I could fuck it, still fucking have some good thoughts. Now it's like my friends, why I'm friends with her, it's all my friends and stinks. Conscience makes cowards of us all. That's not T.S. Eliot. That's how it was. Wow.

I hate how smart you are. I fucking, I know you do, I'll turn you on, doesn't it? Yeah, I'm turned on. I'm wet. Can you be patooty? And then of course, next to Bailey, is this your first time on a show? I think so. Yeah, I'm really nervous. Don't be nervous. This is fun. It's a good time. Sue, how do you pin out your last name? It's Collargees. Collargees.

The first, I got to, because she was on Instagram, and she hit me up. I hit her up. We follow each other on Instagram. She's on Twitter. Yeah, I don't know. I wish. I actually told her, I go, send me a pic.

I said, for the show, send me a a pic cuz we put up an ad for the show Do you think you do you think you really just wanted a nice pic when he asked her for a pic? Oh, of course not I think once I get hang on let me defend myself Let me let me I'm gonna bring this up. So I said first of all when I first I didn't know what your voice was And then when she answered the phone. I thought I was counting fucking Transylvania. I thought she was gonna want to, three! Three!

That's the three! I thought that was the Trans-Joy. Was that accent for? Oh yeah! I was like, I thought that was a training. No, she's where you from? East and Europe or something? No, my family is, but I'm from here.

But your family's from where? From Greek. From Greece. From Greece? That's a Greece degree. I'm from Greece. But your family's from where? From Greek. From Greece. From Greece. That's a Greece. I agree. No, the accent is more like Russian. Russian.

Like Russian neighborhoods. Oh, you did, really? That's crazy. Well, it's like short circuit, I was saying. I was like, how is that short circuit? Well, we can't go from fucking Shakespeare to short circuit. There's the Indian dude with the Indian accent, but he wasn't, he just learned

that his parents spoke with an accent, but he doesn't speak Indian. Okay. So she doesn't speak Russian. It's called Hindi. Oh, Hindi, sorry. Sorry. You know everything. Thanks Colin, appreciate it.

Do you want me to tell them what I sent you? India. Yeah, yeah. Well, here's the thing. I'll get into the idea Okay, so I said you know send me cuz I had a picture of you from the internet to just stand up I had Bailey's pick and I had your pick, but I she's not a comic or in the entertainment business So I said send me a pick

For you know, I didn't say for what I just send me a pick what I said that say for the show You you said send me send me a cute picture. Yeah, a cute picture. So send me a picture of you and a hamburger costume. So send me a picture of you making your balls with like a hamburger. I could do that. So can I. I can't do that.

No, I know you can. You can make yours a slider. White castle. So good. So she sends me. I get the emo baggage 12 pictures of her asshole. Wasn't there one holding a dildo? Yeah, I have a dildo in my mouth. It's like 13 inches long.

Fucking purple. That's what I wanted. Jesus. The asshole was purple or the dildo was purple? No, the dildo fucking purple. That's all that's all that's all that I want. Jesus. The asshole was purple or the the deal that was purple. I was like, no, no, no, no, I need a headshot for the ad. Unless you want me to use that one for the ad. I should have thrown that in.

All of us in an anus. So I I meant a headshot. You know, in case there was HR involved. Sure. But you know, if you sent me a picture of her holding her hog, putting it in the... Yeah, one of my good though. I was thinking of the leaders. I'm gonna fucking actually move it to another file,

the file, the file. Fucking hide it from my wife. It was fly fishing on it. I'm not gonna take it that. But I sent him like one of my headshots, like my primary headshot that I use, and then this guy over here, Scopo, he called me and he was like, you should send me another headshot.

And then I was like, oh, do I look ugly? I didn't say that. For a nut, not at all. That's what the family was like. You were like, she said another headshot, and I was like, yeah, I'll send me another headshot, that's fine. No.

Yeah. You sounded a bitch with judge it. Yeah. Who do you believe? Who do you believe? I'm just starting shit. I don't believe anybody. But I'm interested in the fact that you are a Russian accent, because you grew up in, we're like, Brighton Beach or something. Um, uh, church have. Church have any.

And uh, in Brooklyn. Yeah, I know. And what end up with your Greek? So you were a little kid, you speak Greek or Russian? I guess speak a little bit of Greek like some words, but you know not really Yeah, I just had pizzeri is that was pizzeri? What's that you don't know Greek dishes? Try to relate to food. I don't eat anything so I know because I'm a model So I don't are you a model? Yeah, where I do independent like freelance really?

But I I've done it for a long time really I'm gonna shoot it for a website. Oh no shit. Yeah, what's the website? She-mail club. Oh, that's cool. Well SMC. They're changing their name Well, they're trying to be progressive. You're gonna corporate. That's what I did with the YKWD So and now hold you can I ask? 14 So, and now how old are you can I ask? 14 Yeah, she is No, she's not how old you she's how old you 14 are you really 14? No, oh? So scared

Just punch the mixing board What the hell I am a Twenty to say to say into the camera They doing those porns are you legal? I'm eighteen Okay, and then three huge black talks come out from the side All right, so you're twenty two all right. Thank God And it's funny to Because when I talk to all you guys you, you're all, you kind of like,

Bailey, I know you the most. And, you know, I mean, you fucking, you change all the time, you know, but. Well, you're, you know, I don't even say dancing around this one. No, no, no, no, like you'll change it, like, you know You'll be very political about the trans and then you'll be not like I'm spinning plate Yeah, you see yeah because it's because what you do you I'm finding a balance right I'm back to being a reverent Because people look up to you a lot of girls look up to you a lot of people in the trans world Right right outside of porn and then you have porn and you're kind of you know Your porn site for to make money

Mm-hmm, but people don't realize that you don't fuck other guys when you're porn you if you have, your porn cipher to make money, but people don't realize that you don't fuck other guys when you're porn, if you have sex with, there's a dick in the movie, it's your husband's dick. Well, and I'm lazy, those don't have to be mutually exclusive either. What do you mean? Like, anymore.

That's the longer like. That's the longer like, super political now, yeah. I mean, like, like, she's open about everything she does in her life, so I think there's nothing wrong with being a role model that does that because you're just. And I'm trying to say I'm trying to strike a balance. And I think like I think you can do both. And I think it's just a matter of getting that.

And people said that it's okay to do that. I'm normally really offensive and silly, but then I'm trying to be also be socially conscious, which is like completely impossible. So I'm straight. I'm trying to find a balance. Like the dance savaging that you wrote. Yeah. I wrote for seven nation.

Did you guys read that? No, you didn't. No, I didn straight. I'm trying to find a balance like the dance savvets in the throat. Yeah, I wrote for seven nation. Did you guys read that? No, you didn't. No, I didn't. When I first met you, you were fucking crazy on the air. I would say whatever I wanted. I was like, I was like, I was like about like whether it was about race. I was like, I'm transgender. I can talk about everything. I'm disenfranchised and then I was like, oh, wait, no, I can't. Like, I sound super ignorant and like, well, as you started to get more popular right and you more presence on the internet And then I went the other extreme and I'm striking about you right exactly. So that's the thing I was dancing around Chris That's what I was trying to say and trying to fit because I you know, I don't know fucking Edgar Alipoe And then I met you and and you, you are not,

you're in comedy, you're not in porn. So you're, I don't know how to say it, you're just in the world, you have a regular comic and your trends, but you like, I don't talk for, I'm just gonna talk about, I can see you at college. You don't talk about anything, you don't talk about your age. I remember, I heard you told me that,

that Voss was trying to, you know, do you have a penis or not. Yeah, it's like he was like busing my balls, no pun intended, he was like, he was just like, like the whole time, I think like, everyone's right. Hello, show me a pack of rough show your mind. Right, I'm like, I'll fuck you, I don't need if you have a dick,

you know, that's what it's like. And he just like, he kept at it. And just like, it's sort of like an older brother kind of, just like, you know, like picking what it's just like, and he just like kept at it. And just like, it was sort of like an older brother kind of just like, you know, like picking at you a little bit. You know, the brother that wants to molest you. I was like, that's quite a thing. So it was like,

I'm like, I gave you a dick. And it wasn't like you did it to me in private. He did it because there was like a crowd of people around. And it was just like, it was a joke. So I just, you know, I took it, you know what I mean? It's like, I wasn't, right, I just, I just thought it was gonna take a while. Everything's about sex. Like, I don't know what it is. This room, It's like, I wasn't, right. I just fucking took it. I don't get tired. Everything's about sex.

I don't know what it is. This room, we're like, but no, everything I'm saying, it's like a Freudian slip. Well, I mean. But no, it's like, you take it just like, he was just, that's what he is. He's like a lovable douchebag. You know?

In a way. Yeah, that's it, guy. I want some fucking sucks and bap. I'm just gonna skip too. So, but you don't talk about it. You don't say whether you do or you're not. Right, well, I mean like, I mean, you got,

I know you can do whatever you want, but it is the question. On stage, I don't feel like, in a weird way, I feel like it's no one's business when I'm on stage. When you're on stage, I feel like when someone comes up to me afterwards, it's like, well, that shouldn't matter.

Did you have a good time there? That's it. And that's where I get that. Do people ask that when you come off stage? Oh yeah, all the time. Someone like. Man of women. Both usually older conservative men.

Yeah, that. Yeah, the other ones who totally, like one guy was hitting on me last week after show at, and he's just like, so are you transsexual or transgender? You know, me. I do the same thing. I think they are. He just thought, well, do you have a penis or not?

And like, meanwhile, he's still hitting me the whole time. And then like two seconds later, he's like, well, I guess that's okay. As long as you don't want to have a gay wedding and make a Christian bakery bake your cake for you. And I was like, what? All right, here's a deal. What?

I'm going to be honest with you. Here's a saying to me. If I say fuck it, throw everything out and I'm, you know, whatever, I'm like, hey, Jay, what's up? We're going to fool around. If I, and then we get back to my hotel and we start to make it, whatever. I'm like, hey, Jay, what's up? We're gonna fool around. If I, and then we get back to my hotel and we started making out. I'd be like, dude, I'm packing,

I'd be like, right there, I'm like, dude. I'm here, I'm here, right away. I'm like totally totally totally. I would be, let me get to my point. I'd be fully disappointed if you had a vagina. I would literally be like, want, want, off. No, that's stupid.

I think you have to. I would boo you of a vagina. Like, boom. Boom. Boom. I think better be able to do tricks. I would you have to. I would boo you of vagina. Like, boom. That thing better be able to do tricks. I would point at it if I boo. I put pencils in it, boo. I'd be able to blow bubbles or something else.

I'm leaving. But no one of my cigars is different. And I think like, I think the girls that do hide that, they're the ones that end up getting stabbed in a ditch somewhere or something like that. I question that sometimes. Because I people talk about that what I think because they tend to blame the like a Transmurring its murder they go the guy panicked a lot of times it's a third or fourth time They have sex it's when their friends found out they know and then they're absolutely yeah, I mean like I think you can't I

Disclosed right away. I'm a family. I have a cock. Yeah, so first That's my business card right first, conversation, I've ever heard where we blame the murder victim, but look, you really have loosened up. Look, what I'm trying to say is you should have a merch table and then have pay, may just do like a, just have it on the table. No, do like one of those, you know, there.

All right, so what it says, we have pick a color. Red, one, two, three, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a, pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick a pick It's a side job, so it's, you know. You what? I'd lift weights with it as a side job. That's why I'd be money. And then, it's funny. Now I'm trying to see it. Ty, a pack in heat. Why don't you just tell me what's inside of my head? She says, I have a penis and I say, me, she goes, I'm pack in heat. I just, I picture one with like one of those side veins

that fucking, like a tree root. Yeah. You can see it pulsing, but she gets, not a lot of heat. Not a lot of heat. Not a lot of heat, right? It's regularly heat. Regularly. Like mini heat. Mini heat, right? So it's like, not a lot of heat. Not a lot of heat. It's regularly heat. It's just like mini heat.

Mini heat. So it's like a hard heat. OK. Tell us in your head shot. Yeah, I'm packing warm. Easy. Easy. Have you ever had an instance when you were with somebody,

but they didn't know? And then you had to like, a little more brain care trip. Yeah, so like, if I'm ever I'm like talking to someone, A little wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go-wash-and-go- No, I usually when people are like when I get naked and my giant cock is out. It's giant. Yeah, it's huge. I sent you a picture, you know? Yeah, I know.

And they're like, what do you have a cock? I'm usually like, oh, no speaking English. And I run away. Do you do that with your cock like a cock-a-pop? That's still the problem, yeah. Am I cocking the speaking English? Actually, I open the p-hole and make a different accent. What's my take when I take it out?

I say boing. I wish my dick said boing. Yeah, I've had, I was going out, actually, I'm still going out with this girl, who didn't know at first. I'm going out with like seven people, I don't care. Okay. You're all watching Sorry, okay. Wow. Yeah, no, but I was speaking to her on Kick you know that app whatever you should and she didn't know and then like we started sending like naked pictures Yeah back and forth to each other and I just sent her my dick pic and really she was like whoa you have a dick

Yeah, I was like, whoa, you have a dick? And I was like, yeah, really? What did she say? Was she into it? Yes, we go out. That's awesome. Because a lot of times lesbians have a bigger problem with it than dudes because dudes are obsessed with their own dick.

So they're like, oh, dick, great, I love dicks. And then girls are some lesbians are just like, so no. Like a top-up. That's a deal breaker. Yeah, I've noticed it more with lesbians than straight dudes. You need to be shocked by it. Obviously, it doesn't shock me that lesbians like, wait a deal breaker. Yeah, I've noticed it more with lesbians than straight dudes You don't have to be shocked by it obviously does shock me that lesbian is like wait a dick You should have kept sending pictures with something covering your crotch every single time You know just like something like you're walking by a stop sign. I usually

When we when we do like sexting like if I sex another person, I usually like save the dick pick for last, because it's like, like, my whole body with the dick, like, tada. Oh yeah, because you can't follow that. Do you say, yeah, yeah. Do you write tada on Snapchat? Yeah, I do. I just cover my eyes and just dick pick, you know. Tata eyes.

Same, but I usually send like, ass pictures and tits and all that first to like, get them all ripped up. Isn't save the dick for last a song? No, that'd be nice. How would that go, say? Save the dick for that. It's a really, it's Vanessa Williams, something. From a Latin, yeah. From Aladdin.

But you just recently got breasts. Yeah, and it was really scary at first. I went to the surgeon and everything and I paid for it. And then it didn't hit me the fear. As soon as I walked into the surgery room, and I saw everything was really clean. In the movies, everything was really white and clean. I got really creeped out.

You didn't see spaghetti dish in the sink. Some fucking Mexican lady watching some Spanish cartoon with a baby. Mom shut the fuck up. Yeah it was really cool because when I was waiting and they have a room that you wait in while they're prepping everything. Like I was playing with my implants And I was like, oh really cool and they're like they put them in me and it was weird really now When will you alone did you have friends with you who came with you? I I went alone in like in the morning. Yeah, and then I know I was just thinking

Well, that's what happens when you fuck like 18 people and you don't want them all to know About each other really nobody could Nobody could have went with you. No, but like my friends picked me up after we were all together. Oh, that's kind of... I couldn't... They wouldn't allow me to leave you. To allow you to leave me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And how many...

How many breast implants have you been through? Well, I currently have two in me right now. I had one... So, somebody's been doing the podcast for a while. The radio chops are up. Yeah, yeah. I will suck you a thing. How you will. The radio chops are up. Go ahead. Yeah. I will suck your thinking how you will.

I can't, Matt. Matt's a fucking party pooper. I got them done when I was 20, and they were really small because it was really skinny and really little. And then I got fatter and got bigger. I'd been on hormones like root hits, and then got bigger implants. And now I'm going to get bigger. Why are you going to get bigger? Because I'm going hits and then got bigger implants and I'm gonna get bigger.

Why are you gonna get bigger? Because I'm gonna get a bigger ass and I want it to match. Why, why, why? You're perfect. I wanna have sex with black eyes. What else you gonna do is I just say I wanna have sex with black eyes. No, I want like an ass, like I want like... I get like an ass implant.

Like a scope up. I'm gonna get fat. Tell the doc you show a picture of scope up. Yeah, I'll be like do this to me. But they're gonna suck it. I'm gonna get liposuction and they're show a picture of scope. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be like, do this to me. Well, they're gonna suck it. I'm gonna get liposuction. They're gonna put the fat in my ass. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. Well, it's funny to me because as I was putting this show together, I realized that you guys are all in different stages of your life, too. I mean, you are not in porn. You're kind of finding your own career in comedy. I almost did, I almost like, you almost did porn?

Of course she did. Every trans girl has to decide. I like, I want to do porn. I sent pictures to someone, you know, the guy, I'm sure you know, the company probably. I'm sure. What's it called? Yum.

I should say. Yum. Oh yeah, that's yum. Yeah. I love the game. And they got me when I was 19. I was like, I don it's a Groovy. Oh yeah, same time. Yeah, okay. Okay, I love the game. And they got me when I was 19. I was like, I don't know where I am. Where's my schema?

The schema is awful. Right. But the schema is the whole name. Is there any other yum? Cookie yum, that's all I know. T-D-M. And then the schema yum. Call me with me.

They have like teams of people finding all these girls. So we get open up with Diet Coke. Get his blood sugar up. See you, you've got that. Now so I submitted pictures and the guys like, or you know, and he's like, okay, let me put you in touch with the photographer.

He said $600 time. And I was like, okay, that's decent. So then the photographer called me and it was the creepiest thing. I've never heard anything creepier than this in my life. It's like, all right, well, he is the thing. You gotta come down, you can come, right? And I was like, what?

That's the business. I was like, what? And he's like, I wish he told you I got to take 200 bucks off. I'm sorry. And then he's saying like, so you come to my apartment. I'll give you a couple, they're like my efforts. Wait a minute, let's just stop for a second. They're like my aggras.

You have to be able to come. And if you can't come, he takes money off. Yes. And then he's like, so I'm going to a stranger's house taking the pills that he hands me. Right. For like half the, you know, for half the money, I'm like, wait a second. Wait a know, for half the body. I'm waiting.

And this is like, I was having second thoughts about comedy at the time. I was just like, so then I was like, well, so now why can I ask a question because these are questions that I don't understand. Why couldn't you come? Well, with hormones, you have less and less. So it's not that there it's like it's the testosterone blotter. So it's not like sex drive. It takes away anything to my sex drive.

I was just shooting blanks. Yeah, pretty much. It's just like, yeah. So there's no come. So you couldn't come. Now, now, is that, do you still have an organism? Yeah. Didn't you jerk off before you could come?

I did, yeah. Yeah, so it's the same thing. Remember the rubbing. Yeah, we come in rubbing. Those are the days, man. There is, a well that's the thing. It's very convenient You don't have to clean it. You don't have to hate yourself on a popping things up I was really upset I have to pick my stomach up and clean under

Oh, I was super upset I mean good Oh my good Bailey's a pro Bailey just threw up in her own mouth and then you come. No, I can take that to a dark place. I can make that work. We talked about this. I can make it work.

So you shoot in blanks. You can't shoot load, which is what they want in porn though. Right, they want, like, yeah. They want it. I don't think it's unreasonable for them to demand more, to less money for less comp. I guess I did. How else are you going to monetize it?

It's called a money shot. It just didn't sound good. It just sounded so weird to me. I was like It's out of jane But you say and take pills like viagra but not and I was like wait, it's like are there a V is carved in by hand By I take that I was like wait a second. It's like I don't know that I want to take these that he's like oh, they're harmless Don't want to be his, that he's like, oh, they're harmless. So one of the Veezes is in Cursef. One of the Veezes is like a lowercase

with a dirty fingernail. You look at him and you're like, hi, yeah. So you took them and you took the pictures? No, no, no, no, so at that point I was like, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I bailed. You're done, yeah, I'm like, I'm not. You didn't go, no. That was smart, that was smart.

That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, What was that colony? No What the fuck it's probably it's a tail me. Oh jeez. I can probably a 50 bucks in colony for that Colony a bad town. It's not that bad, but it's still it's it's calling but no this is Somewhere on long Island. So I would add to take a train to Another train to long islands and it's just like so I'll be doing this for like 50 bucks after everything. 50 bucks to come down and jerk off from the road. And after all the money, all that stuff, it's like,

like you're more to get down there. Yeah, so I was like, fuck that. They were gonna take pictures of you for what? Not for one of their sites. For now, they have like 10. So it's just right on the end. So this site just does photos, so a guy will go there and just see photos of you jerking off Right, that's it. Right and you get paid 600 bucks. Well actually

400 and then I'd pay my way down there. So it's like they would rip me off I'd get 600 and I would do to like two videos and two photosets Why don't they just put pin your colota mix on you? Yeah, that's that's a I figured there's some sort of You're a lot of mix on you. Yeah, that's what I figured there's some sort of a lot of people that would be in the comics. Coco Lopez? Yeah, why not?

Is that what it's called? I don't fucking know. It's a thick white shit that goes in Pina Claus. I didn't know. It's a bartender, that's why I knew that. I don't drink. I don't drink and I don't do shit in your meal of war. So I, I'd like to do like palm olive just to make people think

like what the hell is all this? What a good thing. What is this? blue palm olive? It's a 6-an-alien. It's ectoplasm. So, and now you say you want to sue, you want you, you cutie, little girl over here, just very quiet.

You say you want to get into porn. Why do you want to get into it? Cause fucking is fun. Really, and now would you at this point, because I found this interesting is that, I knew you were kind of beyond porn, I knew you were in your, your, look, you are the trans girl that everybody looks up to.

You are the one that all the guys love. The trans girl next door. No. But you kind of try. You know, first of all tonight, I just want to let you get an Aimee, she's on Amy Schumer's team. I am on my money. Oh, yeah, I of all tonight. I just want to get Amy. She's on Amy Schumer. I am a money I heard about that. She was the host of Jim Norton show the co-host. I tried so I mean she's really breaking down the barriers

Right by going on the own a show by working with Jimmy and and Amy and now you know you really you're just Fucking Bailey to us. That's cool. Let me be happy. It is. She's like the Jackie Robinson. Well, she really is. Yeah, exactly. And because of these fans, the Jackie Robinson, the ONA fans are fucking brutal. But when they know somebody's cool,

and when they accept somebody, you know, and they've accepted you, right? They've been really fucking easy on me. Like when someone says something that I can, like see as mean, but then I see them, and they're an ONA fan, like on Twitter. I immediately get the context and get that they're just fucking, they're just fucking.

Let's talk, okay, some of them. And I love, I want to know some of them, no, totally. But like, I mean, if I see something where I'm like, oh, that's kind of shitty. And then it really is, they follow me and there are no, yeah, I'm like, yeah, that's awesome. So, but it's like, now you're here, but she's kind of where you were,

how many years ago, six? Well, I was 19, so six or seven. I mean, would you, would the advice be, go for it? With that's the thing, it's such a personal decision. Like, a my shit was such a fluke, and I honestly, when people ask me regularly, should they get an appointment? Like, it is such a crapshoot, it could go either way.

The pictures aren't going anywhere, so you better hope you do really well, or they're not going anywhere. Do you know who Bailey is, correct, before you met her? I actually, like, learned about all of you people a couple months ago. Right? Did you know Bay? I discovered you from the gymnasium.

OK, OK. And I was like, she's just like me. So how did that make you feel this? We figured it out. Oh, a gym noten when you said that. Right. That's cool though. I mean that makes me happy. Fuck, I love you. But didn't that make you feel, I mean, you don't get to say that, to look on a show, on television, on HBO, right?

Wasn't it always on the internet? It was on VICE. It was on the internet. It was on fire. It was on fire. Okay, to go and see that on TV and see your on TV, it must be like, at your age, be like, that's fucking great. I can do what I want to do and, and cross over. Was that, did you get that feeling? Um, not to be all donna you, but. Ha ha. Yes, I did, because like, you know, that's like a show. It's not like porn.

Right. But like, I had already been like doing modeling as a girl for like years, so like, I kind of already had that feeling, I'm sorry to just destroy your whole face. No, no, no, no. I was just a throw down the garbage. Sorry. No, but you modeling, okay, but I'm saying, you know,

to see, I actually have a funny story about a photo shoot I did and I think I told Matt about it like I did a photo shoot it was like a fashion nude photo shoot which is just like let me see your ass and I'll give you money type of photo shoot and the guy was like like he his studio was like a murder then it was like plastic bags covering the windows and everything and like there was like hair No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, know, like that. It's just like, and then take out the chainsaw. And there's the giant psycho scene. J-Bail. J-Bail, she was fucking douche out of 200 bucks.

She's showing up this fucking hair blusher. It was in Newark, too. No, cheesy. So it was in the really like ghetto neighborhood. How do you feel about murder scenes? But I got paid a lot, so. What do you pay? I don't want to say.

Well, you can't say a lot not say give us a really thousand no like a thousand dollars That's a lot yeah because right now It's a man's name Darryl Hammond No, I don't remember Yeah, we worked for like a lot of hours. It's Eddie Murphy That's good. I mean that's good money though I used to when I was like 19 or before I did porn, I would literally just sell my underwear to strangers and I would smoke cigarettes in this guy's garage and you take

pictures and pay me like 500 bucks. So you be naked and he take it. He didn't want to touch you. Uh-huh. Well, I think I blew him because I was a whore. Because I was a slut. Right. You sucked this day because I wanted to. Right, because you wanted to. Bailey, holy shit. Sorry, can I say that? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I came out loud. Ha ha ha ha ha. But so, but at your age though, you're very young. I know you've done modeling and stuff.

It must be like you're kind of where she was. I mean, you're starting to do, you know, other things. Do you want to be on TV? Do you want to do porn?? Do you want to do porn? You say you want to do porn. Is that really where you want to go to do for a living? I mean, yeah.

I went to school for writing, like for play writing, and screenwriting. So I know how to write scripts. Oh, that's a good thing. Like, T.S. Eliot. And I've written a bunch of scripts. I wrote a scene for a Broadway show. Really? Yeah.

But no, I don't want to be in a movie or anything. You'd be surprised if you can get with sex work actually. I mean, a lot of the guys get affections for the girls. And not necessarily porn, but escorting, which has its own risks. It's in person. It also doesn't leave a visible mark on. A lot of people choose sex work over porn or escorting over porn because it's not there forever. It's in your memory.

Some guys say that when they go and get a tranny off of the internet, some guys actually say when they show up, it's not the girl that's in the phone. Yeah, my pictures are used all the time. I'm called bitches. I'm like, hello, and they're like, it's not the girl that's in the photo. Yeah, my pictures are used all the time. Oh, yeah. I've called bitches and been like, hello, and they're like, hello, and they're like, hi. I've seen all people on Backpage telling them to stop using my wife's photos.

You know, every time I've been to Yorkville looking for you? Hey, Bailey, are you not Bailey? Shit, you're not Bailey at all. Oh, get in here. Was it me? No. So it's funny that you say you like a fat ass. I do. I like a fat ass on a man. Bailey goes like, it's very good segue.

Bailey loves these big fat asses. You go through fucking phases though. Not even phases. I just like, I like all a lot of different kinds of guys. You want to be with an old man? Yeah, I'd fucking old man. Like how old? She pointed at me. Like 80.

I could fucking... Wait a minute, yes. Wait a minute, yes. Can we point out? Yes. That little Russian Greek just pointed at me. But not even like it just happened. She literally did it like her.

I didn't even think about it. Do you think you had old man? You're just like this. I didn't even think about it. You said you were in response. Yeah. Do you think you were an old man? You're just just, would Colin be the guy you're talking about that? No, I'm older. If I'm going to do what I'm going to do, I'm going to do it right. I mean, just an older, like an 85. Is it like lemon party?

I don't think of you as old. I could, yeah, I don't think so. But like lemon party would be close. Lemon party would be close. The internet mean the old people. Why do you want to sleep with the old people? Lemon party would set me it's a Scotch

video is all guys blowing each other it's hilarious You see your in it stop it I'll show a straight Those lemon party I don't I squint it up and I never heard of it. I will you're in it I'll show a mushroom She's trashy. Oh she's gone happy I'm sorry. That's all right. Yeah, do you think but he's fucking a tax back Don't forget I'm sorry. That's all right guy. Do you think but he's fucking a tax back? I don't get it though. Why do you want to fucking have?

Don't show the camera for Christ sake. This is just kissing in this one. There's no Yeah, that's good I showed him this one. No, that's romantic Looks like the guy from the new normal. Yeah, but I don't like that like one of them is a farmer because he has a farmer's table Yeah, I mean he's been working on the yard. That's the one people always meme One of the old guys is taking care of petunias during the day sucking his pals cock at night and making out You want to see with the old old guy.

Oh, I wanna blow an old old. Why? Because of just the transgression idea of it all? What's weird, yeah, like it's just, it's just, I mean, I don't know. I feel like you do different things. Like I like the idea of hooking up with a fat guy or an old guy or like whatever.

Like I just, I like every guy. My eyebrows just know. Haha. We've talked about this where I was like, I was like, I take this to a dark place, but I can only blow an old guy. Hang on a second, we talked about it in private. Okay.

No, I don't even have this bike on. I don't mean a trap shot too, Sue. Jesus Christ, you can't trust anybody in here. I've had it with Sue. Sue really points it at you. You have fucking right? Oh, I think she likes old guys too, right? Yeah, they're cool.

It's like, you know, my dad was never around so. Same. Is that a thing with trans women that the father's... Not typically, usually it sucks because her father was around and made shit very hard on them. Did your father accept what you become or does he? No, hates it. That sucks.

Yeah, he doesn't, he like, abou'll, he's older. Really? Yeah, my father is 72 years old. Did he say ill? Did he say ill? He's very single. That is your mother.

Is she cool? He might be your father. You know, we were discussing this. We have lots of illegitimate relative or siblings. And so we were saying we might be your mother. Did your mother accept you? Yeah, she's really cool about it and and my brother is like all fucking kill anybody for you oh good he's cool too yeah that's fucking great good for you and what about I don't know I don't talk to

my parents you don't talk to them all but but not because because I don't approve of their lifestyle what are they the omniscient yeah well doing? The Scientology. My father left and I was really young, but I never tried to have a relationship. I met him once in his brother's funeral, and he's super weird and just a not a very good person. And they're both, they're both intermeneous drug users

and had a really hard time. And I'm parents. My parents, yeah, but my mother was sober for a lot of my childhood. Now she's in an institution of sorts she's mental illness and she just found out she has a hepatitis C which has really been really hard and and cirrhosis of the liver she didn't over 20 years I'm bringing the show down everyone but we to average from in Virginia and so and in that

time like people who are doing intermediate drugs is just so it was it was it's hard I've just recently stopped talking to intermediate drugs, it's just, so it was, it's hard, I've just recently stopped talking to my mother, but it's been like the best decision I've ever made, like for myself, so, and my grandma still talks to her, but yeah, I don't really, I have a sister, who's bonkers, but we'd still talk, and- Older younger.

11 years older. Wow. And then I have my grandmother who raised me anyway, so we're, I do not, you don't go to family functions? No, no, and I wouldn't. They were, everyone was pretty bad. Even before I transitioned, like they were just, they didn't know what to handle me

because I was feminine as a child. They just, they really didn't like me. And so I just, like got funny and got mean and like went to high school and was really funny and mean and everyone liked me. So it just, it worked out. What about you, Jay, you feel my son's from here? Yeah, I do, I have three brothers. What about you, Jay? You feel my son's from here? Yeah, I do.

I have three brothers. My father passed away a while ago, but he was like, he was not cool with it. I could tell. You know, he's like, I had, like, he died before I had a transition, but, well, yeah, I pretty much, you would, I mean, this is gonna sound terrible to me. My relatives, I'm talking about, you know,

I apologize, like, it's, I grew up about two hours north of Albany, and he was very conservative, a military guy, and like, I apologize. Like, it's, I grew up about two hours north of Albany, and he was very conservative of a military guy, and like, just didn't like anything feminine. He liked, you know, guys to be like, like, butch and athletic, which, so do I now. Rimshot. Um.

But, do you know a lot of people? So like, yeah, that's us guys. But like, did you say he liked his men to be butch and athletic? That's what I'll say. Yeah, like, like, he likes his, this like hang on one second. Are you okay? Are you this is my life every day? Well, you just on another planet. No, what did I do wrong? I don't know. I gotta go pee anybody else

Yeah, come on. Oh, it's great. Yeah, can I go she was right about your age? It's work But yeah, he definitely was, it was pretty tough. It was a pretty tough girl, we didn't really see. I died. I mean, we went, we would go like months without talking to each other. And it was just like, is. Three months. And like, he didn't like, he didn't really, he didn't like beat the shit out of us

or anything like that. Like a lot, like, you know, but everyone's wild. Get a little, you know, he's smacking out a little bit. It was just, so it was a little, it was a little bit. It's just it's a little it was a little rough Um, it's crazy. So it's yeah, so now I tell jokes about a month's date Did he did he smack you around because of because of what the word? I don't know I think it's just like a short fuse just didn't know how to handle stuff like that And you know, and it was like I counted on one hand the time he did so it's not like you know

It's funny because you know now that I that I have a son, you know, and I think of all the stuff, I, you know, I went through the same abuse. Right, you're sad, right? Yeah, my stepdad, you know, I, you know, to go back now, I'm going back in therapy and reliving the moments where, you know, I got abused, I got hit, I got punched in the face, I got, so my mother get hit, I saw my sister get hit, I just, you know, I got hit, I got punched in the face, I got so my mother got hit, I saw my sister get hit, I got hit, I got punched in the stomach, I got thrown downstairs. And that's worse than I got.

You know, I look at my kid now, and only a few years down the road is when this has happened to me. Wow. So here was a kid I was happy is, you know, ever, and then all of a sudden this man Is punching me right or hitting my mother. It changed everything It's just like and it it's still with me to this day Right, and I mean like I got that the whole like like how he's ashamed of me at times and stuff

And it's just like that that's why kids get suicidal when they're when their trans going out You know, it's like you think it's your fault to any child I just will tell you anytime you I hit as a child, you internalize that as a child that it was your fault. Right, absolutely. And it gets dropped in there like what can I do to not get beat exactly. And then you act a certain way. And it's like, it wasn't like there are a lot of people out a lot worse. Matt, okay, I got one Matt, my producers right here. I thought that was like the Halloween

Not fuck with the bells just like do not fuck with deeper. Okay, I know yeah, he's a capability No, we don't but he will kill you We don't have it because he doesn't want it Cut mic number four. I actually tell you fat. I am I Was he actually fighting ice cream ice cream Was he actually fighting ice cream ice cream? It's it's that now you have brothers, too. Yeah, one one brother just owned me. I haven't talked to him Because of yeah, yeah, because of the way and now I get such jokes about him too That's right more material

Upstate New York is like the deep. Yeah, it's so true. It's totally it's like yeah Like ultra ultra conservative How do you fucking be trans up there? You couldn't you could you hit it like I had a hide it exactly You got you hide it and then you say like like that while I was like down. I'm like fuck that And it's terrible you think like well, maybe I'll maybe I'll just die in my 20s. No, I'm very bad Oh god, right and bring it it down. It's seriously that's what you go to. You and Bailey, Jesus man. It's true though. That's that happened. Did you really? Did you really want to commit suicide? That's totally. Fuck. Of course.

Yeah. My God. I like that. And people think of trans people as like weaker like like our gay people as weaker. It's like no one's more shit. We had to do like, you know, which like it's not really just like everyone always saw this as gay guys are weak and then you see a picture of them and they're like gorgeous And like muscle bound and I'm like what are you talking about? It's just chance stuff It's like people think we're like weaker and it's we've actually had to develop so much more emotional I like a show my friends really good. Yeah, my friendship with you though is I'm actually proud of because you know with trans Women right it's always sexual. Especially for it's always based it's always founded in

sexual sexual sexuality it's it's you know but a negative sexuality too it's also the stigma stigmatized sexuality when I met you when I met you I'm like oh my god this girl I know I knew you were but there was something like oh like erotic and then I was like ah fuck it you know like, I know a second. But, well, because you're pretty, okay?

Thank you very much. And then you like, oh shit, wait a minute. And then, but that was like, fuck it, you're a comic. Come down, do a spot, fuck it. You know, it's like, that's from my friendship with you where I don't have to, I don't have to have my brain just be like, you know, sex, sex, sex. It's like because I grew a friendship with you, I can actually be friends with somebody who's a porn star and not want to fuck them or not make it sexual.

I'm a friend to our husband. I talk to him all the fucking time about stupid shit in the middle of the night. And then, you know, when you came down, I was like, like fucking it was cool that you came down as a comic and you know and And that's kind of why when I started talking to you I was like fuck it. Let's do the show right Let's let's do a show and you know not about I mean of course we're gonna joke around because we're all funny totally Isn't that fucking weird though we're all this even you smashing him a little bit, even though I'm against that, because it's my friend. But we're all our pain, all this fucked up pain is translated into humor somehow. So I was just talking about that,

how it's so funny, how the people who actually had horrible things happen to them are super irreverent and funny. And then the people who stand up for them who are just like the most serious assholes on earth. And it's like, but the people who suffered are actually really multifaceted and hilarious and are reverent and like don't say the right thing

all the time and yeah. But why do you say you took him in the middle of the night? Well, me and him fuck. I fuck you, Patoody. Yeah, it's not. From up hanging around, getting the fuck off. He's sucking my dick, I's not. From up hanging her, I'm getting the fuck up. He's sucking my dick. I'm really.

No, but it is, that's fucking, that's sad. And I look at my kid. Now, I get beautiful Max. I love Max. I look at him, you know, I fucking can't get enough of the kid. And then I sit there and I go, what if he, what if, I don't know what he's going to be? I have no fucking idea where he's going in life.

You know, I don't know. And that's cute. No, it's so damn cute. That's huge for you, because you could have very easily turned into someone like your stepdad. That could have easily happened from raising. And it just shows what, you know.

I'm not trying to kiss your ass here, you know, but it's like totally, it's like. I was talking to a friend of mine today and he was, he's having a kid and he was all worried and all scared and freaking out about having a kid. Cause look man, especially being a comic, you think having a kid's gonna take away your funny,

moving to the sub-war, just gonna take away your fucking drive, having a kid, all this stuff is just gonna take it off. It doesn't, it actually enhances it. It makes you focus more, it makes you think, it makes you use your time better. Like blow. And, but you know, and what you saying?

I said like blow. Yeah, but the firm looks like so the hat are all. What a fuck that drug is. But, you know, like I look at this kid now and I'm like, yeah, he's getting such a better life that I so worry that I'm gonna fuck him up and send him down some shitty path. Okay, today me and my wife were having a fight,

you know, whatever, we're arguing about something because- What were you fighting about? I'll try to remember, it was annoying. She did something. It's been you. It was, I don't know what it was. I can't remember right now.

It was something, we were fighting about, okay, I'll tell you what, was you ready? Yeah. Okay. When my leave now, my kid, my kid, when he senses I'm leaving, he'll come up to me and stand in between my legs and just kind of be there. And he doesn't want me to go.

He doesn't want daddy to leave. And it kills me to leave. I don't want to leave. It really affects me emotionally. Because I never had that. They always left. Or I always, I was always alone. So now- You can make me cry. I know, that's what I was like. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But here, and I said to my wife, I go, listen, it's hard for me to leave,

it's hard for me to get to this point and he comes up, I need you to help me, I need you to be aware of it. I can't just, you know, I need you to come and grab him and let's make this a thing. And, you know, dad is gonna go to work and I love you and kind of distract him a little bit. And I was, and I told her, I go, it kills me and she was like, you gotta go. She was really cold about it.

And I was like, listen, I know I fucking gotta go. But I'm just telling you that I have an emotion and maybe, maybe you go, honey, I know I fucking gotta go, but I'm just telling you that I have an emotion and maybe Maybe you go honey. I know it's sad, but you will be maybe fucking what do you have my fucking third father? What the fuck are you? You know what I mean? I was we started he comes around the corner going Because we're kind of sure not yelling but the tone is there and he comes And I went I thought he was singing a robber plan song.

Oh, I'm sorry. Throw him the band in the bomb band. You know and depot is giving it to you. He's fucking bad. I still think that's residual from when you fucking played the music over his video. But yeah, but you know in reality,'s got a learning meat getting me over me leaving in reality. He's got I could leave She was right just leave you he's got to learn that you fucking leave and everything's gonna be fine Stop being such a fucking asshole

And you know but because of my childhood I get fucking scared and who the fuck knows who knows if he's gonna be If he's gonna be you he's gonna be you know I don't know I mean do I want my kid to marry a girl and and fall in love with a chick yes you know why because I just want to be able to tell stories and talk about pussy with my kid you know what I mean it's an easier life it's's easier life. It's an easier life. It is. Do I want my kid to go through a trans life and be that hot, how hard it is and go through all that create?

That would be fucking crazy. But I would, of course, I'd be there. Of course, I'd back up 100%. I would never, don't you think we've changed like that? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

It's working for you. I can show. Colin has put a bandana on apparently he's going to do one of his specials from the fucking A.M. Hey folks, this is Moby. Saddest Sushi bar. All right, Jesus Christ, we really did go down the fucking path of sad shit. I have a question.

Let's all start masturbating. Right now. Yeah, let's play. What's go. Let's go play who's got the biggest dick I'm out mind the grower. I'm done Have a question like are the boobies gonna come out at any point? Your boobies are yours anyone's boobies. I don't think we can show boobies on YouTube That's you to know we can show them in here. I can just turn the camera You're fucking Aren't your movies just in though. I don't want to see a star throw up. Oh, you know If I see a fucking bloody fucking Frank

I've seen Bailey's boobies. They're pacing the right way. Yeah, do you have you have breasts too? I did not I actually went in for a surgery And then check it out like really? I set the appointment I had the money. I know I'm just the big one right so No wonder my father didn't like me You'll put down and get a comedian That's a comedian right no. I had the money for it. I went in I was ready to go and it's like and There's saying well, there is a chance that one good break and then you'd have to cover it and buy another one And it was like oh my god. I don't have enough money one-of-one breaks

I was like all negative and stuff. I was like I can't do it They had the doctors do that. They have to do that. I know I know. Yeah, they did it with my eye surgery It's it's you know it went from absolutely I can fix this to it's you know, it's 90 percent Oh right right I'd assign a form like you might die and like oh by the way yeah it's just like they have to do that because they're good to yeah you're fine you're fine go get the titties I'll go with you I would go with you but really I'll see you know I'm going to get the ass well yeah go on with me when I get my fake one you get two for one watch and take some take her old titties yeah whatever they suck out give me half I'm gonna keep these and hawk them I found it you I can get a lot of money like oh

There's another transport and start who she went for an upgrade and she kept her implants sold them to some fan Like sign them with a sharpie nice sold them to a fan and got like $2,500 was a Kimber. Yes, it was Kimber So she made like a good chunk of change offer, you know, she had a buy newtits. She wants to take her titties out How about it? It's an She 22. What do you expect? There's a lot of whip them out. Take a camera off. One, two, three, go. Yay. Those are, uh, where's the where's the scar? The nipple? There's no scar. You can't even see it. Those are nice titties. All right. Well, let's take a break.

Let's take a half hour break Let's take a 45 my kid let's take a three and a half minute break And then we'll come back and they'll be choosing my cheek Let's go to the chat room real quick. We got a live chat here Let's you one second. Yeah, I'm bring up the regular one too We have the D-Poo chat, which is he picks the Questions from there and then we usually go to my chat, which is a live one. Cut. Tom 75 says I've lost track Does everybody have a dick here?

Yes, yes There are there are fucking one two three four five six seven eight dicks Name it that's the name of the podcast eight dicks eight dicks and eight dicks and a double bag That's the name of the podcast. Eight dicks. Eight dicks and... Eight dicks and a double bag. Eight dicks and a double bag. That's the guy.

The Indian Amy sounds like the sound of that. Eight dicks. Breta Bronson says, Colin looks bored, step it up. This is Amanda, it's brunch with Seinfeld for Christ's sakes. What a voice do you go into, Andy? This is a voice.

I'm just kidding, like a voice. I'm trying to put some energy into it. Yeah, they're alone. I don't know if it's a voice though, or it's sexual. I'm trying to put some energy into it. I don't know if it's a voice though, or it's sexual. You as a producer, but you're sitting there like this. Colin, I am taking down notes for the show. Do you do like a thing in the middle? Like, okay, here's what's going on.

No, I'm a buzzman. We're not that high-tech. Hey, one high-tech. You're taking the notes now. Yeah, it's notes. You're saving to the mic. Deep Hey, well, I said I could take it in the next hour. Yeah, it's notes I was saving to the mic deep Deep will go back in big you move says somewhere in the world Jim Norton is jerking off and fingering his ass to this some on the world It's like an Apple West side. I'm gonna say it's not to this. He's just doing it He's not jerk it off to this

This doesn't turn him on even more three trainees in a twink He's not jerked off to this. This doesn't turn him on anymore. Three trainees in a twink. That's the name of the show. How's your name of sitcom? I watched that. Beretta Branson also says Bobby looks fit and unfit at the same time. Like a washed up wrestler.

Oh my god, what a great observation. Fitting up fit in. You know, He made me like it and then hate it. I'm sorry, I got it. What else you got? Good, you're doing good, TPU. Oh, thank you very much. But, I appreciate that. Actually, can you talk like that?

Not all the ways. Very hard. Very hard on the buck. Where did you go up? Get me like Johnny Quest. Come on, don't get. Johnny? Where'd you go up? Staten Island. No shit. Born and raised. any quest come on

uh... statin i don't know shit born and raised booya and at the pizzeria home of the blonde tailion i was going to say they should hear many uh... at the slurers going out there yeah thank you very tolerant

and your jackson also says uh... colon is out of his home must be flea bombing his place The fuck's that president? He's trying to say I mean Homebody. Yes, you are homebody. Yeah, you really do stay home a lot, man. I do I write a lot when you write you have to stay home It's really it's fascinating to me right now. Really what do you Starbucks? Yeah? Yeah? I can't do Starbucks because I feel like I'm trying to let people know I'm right And I was I always have that face and I'll be like and then I'll be like And then I'll go oh I got it. I got it You know, I'll be like sitting there and I'm like you know what I could watch Daredevil again And you know, and that's it. It's over. Yeah, how do you not how do you not just watch porn for six hours? It's brutal

You just have to you just have to shut your mind off. I hate it. Yeah, I hate writing It's brutal. You just have to you just have to shut your mind off. I hate it. Yeah, I hate writing The worst it's the hardest part won't you get into it then you're right. Yeah, you gotta get started for yourself Just keep going back. Is everything's more interesting than everything reading other people shit is more interesting watching TV Yeah, everything. Yeah, take a nap on the couch. Yeah It's great now, but but honestly then when you right, you do take a nap on the couch. You're right for a minute, you'll fucking... I will. You will go take a nap, you will...

You will vicious depression and take a nap on the couch. Right. And then you'll wake up and go back to writing. Yeah. I mean, you know, when I always show people talk about these stories, it's like, you have to just write, you have to keep... Oh yeah. You eat, you go out, you fucking sleep, you have to keep, but there's, there's, oh yeah. You take, you eat, you go out, you fucking sleep,

you watch TV, you do all that shit, but you just go back to it. You gotta go back to it. You just gotta keep going back. I just started writing like stuff from my childhood and it's fucking atrocious. It's beautiful writing. I read a little bit of this, and I'm telling you,

literally I was getting tired literally I was I was getting Tear I was getting choked up with this little diner. I go to I was getting choked up. It was powerful It's great writing and it's a powerful story, but it was great writing too, but it was really good It's it's what happens with that as you write something and it's fucking brutal Yeah, and then you do it and the end is so far away That it gets overwhelming that it just shuts off right you shut it off. Yeah. And then you do it and the end is so far away that it gets overwhelming that it just shuts off. Right. You shut it off. Yeah. And it's like you just I told Don the other day it's like I have to go back into that room and just sit there and just

start again. Well, that's like even Adrian, right? Adrian right. I mean, she's a real right. Tell her she had people don't. AdrianBlanc, she's writing his book on comics. She's writing for 10 years. She's been offered all kinds of money, everything to do other stuff, but she's just committed. She's like a writer. She wrote this big book called Randolph Family.

It was this brilliant book. And it was one of all these big awards, like a single build writer. But she got, even she has to go. That's her job. Even she has to force herself to go away to write his colonies, but there's no TV no radio the little out of the way space like eight writers and only do is go back to their place like zip walk around then go

back there's nothing else to do you don't bring anything else with you and try to force yourself to write what we're doing that with the studio we're not gonna have TV we're gonna go down partly for writing and writing and stuff having sex with people other than each other right Well, how sounds pretty good to chat people What else is Andrew Jackson have to say Oh, Hickory Brooklyn Teddy says the real mystery is that Russian accent I grew up in Brighton Beach And I know American born Russians who don't have such a thick accent

Oh And I know American born ruchens who don't have such a thick accent. Oh So so so so I don't know Drop the accent that's who's a spy. That's what I talk like John Chavulta my hair my dick my dick I fix my dick nice and then you eat it Yeah, my titties are new. My titties are brand new. It's a big cup. I like it. Hello. Wow.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was on the ice. It's your accent. He was dice-adjustable. You want to prove it? You can't help but go to dice when you do a Travolta. Who's next? Who's next?

Jules Frederic says, has Colin had cop face this whole time? What's cop face? Oh, he's a cop face. What you got, cop face? You know, speaking of that, I don't know if you guys know, but his show, Cop Show, have you heard about that? Yeah. I think you maybe.

Yeah, I watched one online with Larry. OK, Colin has a show that he uh... lexas lexas studios right else studios what is that stand for lexas i love my iphone six plus i pocket right here fucking giant forehead fucking the receding herl that never really recedes. Fucking greatest. I wanted you going ball before me.

And it never happened. You are the guy I hate. Had a full fuckin' beautiful ring lit fuckin' mullet. And I always looked at him, at least I'm not that. And I slowly became that. And then I went past that. Now I'm this and he's still that. God, that's why I've done my band-aid

You have a show on Lexus El studio, El studio, Cop show Cop show, you wrote the show a long time ago Right, a couple of years ago? Yeah, a year and a half ago And you did one episode before Pilot, right? A pilot and then they bought it and

then you made how many eight episodes? Eight episodes. Eight episodes, 15 minutes or so, or five minutes? Five minutes each. Five minutes each. It's on the internet for free. Yeah. And it's what are you laughing at? L Studios? What the fuck are you laughing at? The free part no Colin is just is just funny to look at I want to like blow him it sounds like I'm not sure like you know, why aren't you sure? Yeah, why don't you sure if you want to go on it would be weird why why would it be weird? She's wondering if Colin wants it. Yeah, yeah, I don't think they'll be weird at all First of all, I

Would be weird for me. What? Huh? What are you approved? Are you cockpuck? Are you cockpuck? Yeah, I'm a little bit. Double cockblocking. Wow. Now I'm going to fucking me and, uh,

you had your shot in Albany at the heart in Switzerland. At the micro-town. I know, I'm going to fucking brought it back. Give her some dinti more beef still from the old store in the lobby. Dang, I'll be a sexim dick and have some dinti more, baby girl. I got a big juicy zag nut for ya. I'm gonna be a little bit more. So where's the show on?

Where do you find the show on? Well done YouTube. So you did this show. And man, I know when you first did it, I was like, okay, what the fuck is this? You know, you ain't having your friends like, I'm gonna be on the internet and show. All those things stink.

A lot of them do, man. A lot of them don't live up to the fucking hype. These internet shorts, they call them. This fucking show is hilarious. It's fucking funny. And the the guest stars you have on it is is ridiculous. Schumer, Gaffigan, who was the last show? What's his name? Pat Cooper. Pat Cooper. That was funny. That was really fun. Not a damn it. That was a funny episode.

Are all eight episodes online, are they? They're all online. Michael Che did one which was hilarious I'm poppin it one Nick the polo did one. Yeah, you partner on it is Keith Robinson Yeah, who actually is good. What you like him? Do you like it? I didn't say anything. I said that's great. Oh, sorry Not to say this but one of when I call one of you you forgot to put your voice on Who's this oh, hey Bobby I thought you were the gardener that did drop yesterday Well, that's what we do for Bill collectors. We say one second We did show up yesterday. Well, that's what we do for Bill Collector's.

We would say one second. Oh, I've seen trans women do that. We're like, a guy's giving him a hard time. They'll answer the phone completely different boys. And I'm like, what would be yo, do you still, do you even know what the boys are? I sound like Bart Simpson at best. Oh, I'm like, I'm the boss.

This is it. This is my boy. You can't do a fake. I can talk like a girl trying to sound like a boy. I can talk like a, like Bart Simpson. I sound like a 10 year old star. What do you have a guy voice you can do? Yeah, it's just like all right Let me hear it a little bit lower than me. Let me hear it like when you called me I was like I was like this and then I was like oh hi Bobby

That was really like you know hello Oh you look for You a TNT look for. No sir. You AT&T. So anyways your show is fucking amazing. It is man. Jerry Seinfeld does it. So what happened with that? It is the thing you were like I don't know how many views again. I think they were getting like over a hundred views a pop right? Yeah a hundred thousand views a pop right? Yeah, 100,000 views a pop right? Yeah, it's going good and for that now has anything come out of it? No Really do you have you talked to a publicist ever? Yeah, we have a publicist I mean I went on some shows in publicize it. I was the king of the soccer moms

I was on all the morning torque shows like you know Like you know, it is it's either gonna, you know, I mean we'll see what happens with it, you know, like, you know, it is, you see, you know, I mean, we'll see what happens with it, you know, but are you gonna write more? Yeah, well, we still have to film yours. Bobby was supposed to do it, but he had other stuff he had to do that day. I had a classic episode speaking of the trans woman community. Bob was playing an international drug,

like on the border of Tibet Myanmar which used to be Burma his name was sister ping and he was kind of a he was like a human traffic or slash drug barren in the Tibetan China quarter. The whole thing right now but he was busy. It was a fucking I read the episode and it was fucking funny. It was funny. I tried to get out of it. We were doing something for the other show that I was doing. And they would not let me get, I was, I know, some fresh shit. Press, yeah.

Can't stop. But yeah, but maybe if we do it again, you definitely gotta do it. Well, I, I, I, I was like, please, let me get the fuck out of this. Let me get out of it. And it was press. It was like, it was when I learned what,

that day was when I learned show business, was like, the element of show business I've never been involved in. Right, the heavy press. It was heavy, like, they hired Fox, which owns FX, came down. And they had a photographer and a set designer and a publicist. And it was right out of a fucking movie. Like, this guy had a camera hooked up to a laptop

that another guy held with three other guys around it and a woman that would, when she would see the photo, she would almost cry. It was like an orgasm. Oh God, that's it! And everybody was like, yes, yes. And it was like, oh my God. And I didn't get one of those when they would take

in my photos. That was when everybody else, oh God. I think I got good, that's good. That's good. No, like that, like that. I got all those. They tried to put me under a fucking pole as the sun was going down to telephone pole

and like squat down. And like my bell buckle was going into my stomach. and like you just see my grimacing fat face I mean like some leather jacket that only fit my forearm so I just look like some type of rap sausage I'm gonna meet Rocky would hit in the freezer fuck awful is that you again Matt with sound effects? I was a motorcycle. Someone on Periscope just said they named their son after you when you're their favorite comic. Oh thank you. Thank you Tom Periscope. Thank you Tom. I was a motorcycle. Someone on Periscope just said they named their son after you and your their favorite comic. Oh, thank you.

Oh, nice. On Periscope. Thank you. Tell him I said thank you. Thank you, Bobby says thank you. Is it Mayor Colin? Colin. Oh.

Bobby said thank you though. Yeah, that's really, I mean, I don't think it was after you. I think they're just Colin. They're probably Irish. Yeah. Anyways. So guys, to get into this, I know I tried to segue into

this before and we got sidetracked, which is always good. Bailey has this new fetish, right? Where you like fat asses. Yeah, it's not new necessarily, but yes. Okay, and you're emerging. And you wanted a fat ass. You like a guy with a fat butt.

I like a white guy with a fat ass. Chris, can you just move the microphone away a little bit? I've been waiting for that. No, don't show your ass because you're on camera. I like a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a guy with a That's why I'm gonna guide you because you're on camera. I need you to turn slowly. It's like the air in slowly. Can you just zoom in on his, but get his button there. Just get, now go over to the right a little, push the chair out of the way. Push the chair out of the way. Now, stop right there. Stop right there. Now slowly. Slowly turn. Slowly, slowly, slowly. It's like you're in a horse costume. Stay on him. Stay on him. Stay on him. Stay in a horse costume. Stay on him, stay on him. They're gonna react slowly. Don't get reactions, stay right here.

Stay right here. It's insane. Get him, Jay. Now put a hand on it so we can get a reference. Well, actually put Collins hand on it. It's probably smaller. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry about that.

At your comic, you can handle it. I can handle it. I've opened for Voss, so I know I can handle it. We at his hand, we really have a reference. He had this line He has turned turn on what there's me in another comic another guy from down here and that then boss Monty says it's like that show two and a half men Still got it spinning around Let's see keep spinning Keep spinning. Keep spinning. Stay right there. Stay right there. I'm trying to stay two more.

Turn back, it's real quick. Turn the other way. Now stay right there. Stay right there, turn a little bit more. All right enough, Bobby. I'm trying to stay right there. Now take your wallet out of your pants. That's not fair.

Don't tease anybody. There's a wallet mark from it being forced to the penalty. Like, I know, now bend over a little bit for Bailey. For Bailey, for Bailey, for Bailey. Come on, just do it. bit for Bailey for Bailey for Bailey Come on just for Bailey for Bailey is your parents your father watching Okay, so that's it. She's helping out. She's a little strand. All right now. Okay now Bailey now take the camera off We know he went and got special underwear for you. No, didn't he? Yeah, so off with now he went and got special underwear for you. No, didn't. Yeah, so

four stores And the problem was he had buying shit in every store I spent like a hundred bucks today. I'll give you the hundred bucks for the underwear just as long as the one you picked the nice buddy These are the nicest ones I could find. Yeah, I had to go to I had to go to express. I had to go to express. I had to go to express. I had to go to express. I had to go to express. Alright, so now I want you to get the camera on all. Everybody's face except his butt. We can't show his ass, but I want to,

because I promised him we wouldn't show his, you want to show it? Do you mind? Do you mind? Show your butt on camera. No, I don't want a camera. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no't want a camera, no, no. Okay, no, no, no, no. I'm not on camera. All right, not on camera. You don't want to be, oh, so we're gonna get the girls.

Can you get just Jay in there? Let's just get Jay in there. We're gonna, is he gonna make a little edit right there? Now Jay, you're gonna be like, I'm feeling homophobic right now. First of all, I wanna say that Scopus, you're feeling homophobic right now. I'm feeling homophobic right now.

This is for you. I did this for you. I appreciate it. You do, right? No, I just don't know. How good does it, how juicy does it look with the jeans on? It's insane. Yeah.

So you read ask. So what would you do to this ass right now? I would attempt to eat his ass, but I imagine that's impossible because there's just so much ass. It's got a hemorrhoid too. Oh, great. You know? Hey, hey, hey, hey, next day on the hemorrhoid.

You're ruining the fan of the- It's being real. Just being real. No, we don't need you to be real. You're a fantasy. Yeah, stop. You're a fantasy. You're not going to be hammer right now. You're ruining the fan. It's being real. Just being real. No, we don't need you to be real. You're a fantasy. Yeah, stop. You're a fantasy. You're not going to get the fight right now. Okay, tell you don't have a hammer right now.

It's dormant right now. Thank you. Yeah, well, it's just a vein. Oh, everything's dormant, too. It's not actually there, right? All right, so here we go. All right, ready? One, two.

What am I doing? You're going to turn around and pull your pants down slowly put the My legs it was over hers Yeah some music you play for it Turkey in the strong Make it make it make it train Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, would be- That would be lovely, black on the way. Turn around, turn, turn, turn, turn. Turn this way, turn this way.

Turn this way. Right there, stop right there. Just stop fighting it and just go with it. I am so jealous of that out. I know, right? I'm like, all right, here we go. Pull the pants down a little bit. Pull them down.

Let's show this. Jesus. Hold that a little more. Damn, little more. Woohoo! You like that fucking birthday cake now pull that Now turn towards Bailey you showing Turn now you show and teach turn this is what I

Show Bailey this is for Bailey right there now bail it look at that button. Yeah, I was that the ass you like Looks like a fucking birthday cake now if you went over that button. Yeah, now is that the ass you like? Yes, no It looks like a fucking birthday cake now if you went over that you want to do a slap a little Want to give it a little slap maybe not now your husband's here. I could slap it if you want okay Go ahead slap it go slap Yeah, you want to give it a little kick I was hard as a rock I just squat You can bang him in the ass

Not even touch the hemorrhoid. Yeah, don't hit the hemorrhoid That was kind of weak that was kind of weak Show that Russian heritage show that Russian heritage That's better Show that Russian heritage show that Russian heritage Not good enough that girly is asking the I really I really have a hard ass thought The child bearing hips that we all want Now open his ass up and stick your penis He's down for it. Look at that, Scottbo is fucking into it.

You're doing it, I love it. Look at that. Scottbo is getting into your thighs. He's getting into your hips. Big ass like this. He really is impressive. He's like one of those little strong ponies. So he's like, he's a Clyde's Dale.

He looks like, he looks like Beyonce. And that's single ladies video. Scottbo's ass is massive. Jay-Z was around and he's just a Scottbo. He's like, he goes from his chest, like from his back muscles straight to his ass. There's no like a good section. We've been at barbecue's at your house and I have legit like stared at your ass and like try not to do that. Really? Yeah.

Like in you, but that makes you feel good, doesn't it? It does, right? I think it made fun of when I was a kid because I played baseball. My ass, which is, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, yeah. They said, they said, Chris, you play short and your ass will play third. I know. I know. Hang on, you know Bailey wants to fuck the ass, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Girls like it now. It's like it's going to be tough. I'm going to, the same guys that made fun of your ass. I'm one of those, but I have tits. Put a bow in my hair, no, I'm going to finish in your ass. Ah! Jesus. Grisdall money. Yeah, bend over the table and finish in your ass. Ah! Jesus. Jesus. It's grised all money.

Yeah, bend over the table and show us your ass again. Did that really do something for you, Jay? No, nothing, right? No. Like a... Great body. No offense. Do you want to see a flatter hairy ass?

Kind of. I mean, no. People have told you you're fucking in India ass already. I will love you forever. I don't think I have it in me, bro You know fun well Madden, I would get turned on because you think it was like a little fucking furry guy some star wars It's a big ass, but you know nothing wrong with it. I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna say that. I would say that. It's like a joke. I'm not turned down by big asses like Bailey is.

So it's not like I'm like, it's like a fetish. Right. Really? Yeah, that's what I am right now. I consider myself a fetish. Yeah, I'm a fetish. Like if a girl's into me, it's because she's into this

type of thing. Do you know what I mean? I think we all know what that me, what you mean by that. I mean, we're all transactional. It's a, it's a, like, I want to get back into shape one last time, just for my wife's sake. Yeah, but you're like that, what? I don't want to sound like I'm hitting on you.

You're like that cuddly sort of guy though. You really, like I totally see people, like, I'm gonna blow you, Jay. Because there's, I think everybody listening, when you know when Jay's opening on my tour Really opening You mean gaping I totally see that like I'm this is gonna sound like I'm hitting on you totally not doing that You're a very good looking guy and you're totally like a cuddly sort of like guy

You know Jay I'm in first in line for Bobby's opening all right You got you careful with that right are you out of your mind? What are you doing? and you're totally like a cuddly sort of like guy. You're gonna know. Jay, I'm in first in line for Bobby's opening. All right. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. Are you out of your mind?

What are you doing? I'm bumping you from the new Haven gig. You have Jake blow away to the fucking best middle spot Zing Chris can only open for if you wear hoodie shorts So a junior high school gym shorts We're shorts are not conducive to penises. I really had to go to four stores today. I really wanted to go to Penises. To try to find the best ones, because I know you want to bikini ones. I couldn't find those. I told them I go,

Bailey's really into big asses. I go, oh my God, you don't understand. I have the best big guy ass in the world. Chris said that? Yeah, no, she said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because you were talking about big asses and you mentioned it,

and I was like, no, that's who I was talking about. Like, I was like, oh, I go scopo, you need to go get some sexy underwear. I know he still wears like boxer briefs from the 80s, with a red and blue line going around it, and probably some type of stain. You know, it's not a stain, it just looks like a stain, but it's the material worn out

because he fucking just keeps the same underwear for 20 years. They're comfortable. So, what's your package look like in those? So they like, they're dwarfed in comparison. That's a legitimate question to work. I'm wanting like, like, they're men's underwear, right? Because they look a little like bikini briefs. Yeah, they're, I guess, no, their box are, they're briefs.

They're cold, yeah, they're not bikini briefs. They're just briefs. How'd you like his ass, so? I thought that was amazing. Really? Yeah. Was like slapping a mountainside? Yeah.

It was really hard. My hands have never felt smaller. Well, you could baseball play. Are you good? That was pretty good, yeah. I was at one guy in the locker room, so I could go to the other. With a mask like that, you're a hell of a catcher. Why was it? What'd you say, Quinn? Really? That's why I'm a big

ass. I was a catcher. One guy in the locker room after the game, it was like, you know, Chris, don't let them make fun of you ass. And you're like, thanks. What a friend. Yeah. Coaches like, come over here. No, my brother went to well, he blew basketball in high school, you know, and all the, all the priests would line up after the game and watch them a shower. What for real? So creepy. Like with their backs to them or facing them. Facing them.

What do you know, waste your trip into the pool. And they all knew and they all knew they were going to fall. Here come the brothers. Yeah. Yeah. Total galaxy. Why were showing up? Like a running joke like here come the brothers, you know, they come in boys great game

today. Um, you really good out there I feel like that was me and the boys like when I was a teenager like I was just like what's going on what's happening over here everyone's naked like I was just like really down to be there really yeah well cuz and then I did and then I couldn't do too many more because I was the one that like you never took my clothes off unless I was completely just like I was in a break as a whole. I was in business. I hated shower in school. I mean, I didn't give a fuck I'd do it, but I just hated it.

I had to get naked and naked in school was weird to me. Sure. Fucking weird, man. I don't know how you go from like six grade, and all of a sudden, seventh and eighth, and then you're in high school, and all of a sudden, you can take your clothes off in the locker room and take a shower Like I remember there were showers. It's like I'm out of my shower in its school. It's not like that was weird too

It's like why the fuck I can't win on a sports team with the fuck We're Jim Bailey working you know Jim when we play kickball. Yeah shower after Jim only it takes a few I'll give you guys a leg guy right I felt the same way like, why are we showering in school? Yeah, it's like a fucking shit. I never, I never showered after gym. Yeah, like some, but some, only some weird kids, but I was very appreciative for the method for the school.

They're sure. I was just like, okay, I'm gonna use this for later. Yeah, I never got that. I never got that. Imagine if you got to be around a bunch of naked chicks every single day, like 20 minutes when you're 15. Oh God, it was fucking great. Yeah, it was great.

I was getting sober when I was 15. I mean, when I first got sober, my whole personality went from, you know, cool and drinking and using drugs to, like I got into spirituality and God, and I was just talking AA, and like I didn't know how to pick up a chick anymore. I remember I talked to girls, yeah, I'm sober,

and you know, I'm just about one day at a time and you know, I mean, I believe in God, I don't know who the God is yet. It could be a light ball, but you know, I was reciting shit that I heard it meetings. You got so we're 15, 15, 16. I hadn't even had a beer till I was like 17. Yeah, no shit, look at your torso.

No. No, yeah, I got so, I was five years sober before I was 21, legally able to drink. I remember my, the day my, when I was 21, I was like, yeah, I've been, an AA for five years. I was at a meeting. I went to a meeting that night, but it was, it was weird. I fucking, I didn't have to talk to chicks at all. At 15.

I went to high school. And then I started to learn, I remember a guy in AA taught me how to fucking talk to chicks again. Like how to, and in AA taught me how to fucking talk to chicks again. Like how to, and then he taught me the wrong thing. He taught me how to fucking use sex as a drug. I just started banging chairs. I used to go to AA dances and just fuck chicks in the parking lot.

Just go there. I do the B-52s rock lobster dance. I remember once I was my thing, I would do the rock lobster and do that with that shit. And just stand to sit. I'm kidding. Did you wipe the seat? Nothing.

Sorry, take me a second, right? Nothing, nothing. So you want me to say with the next one? I, she's like, oh good for you, good luck. I, that's good. I know you've been able to stand up. I know, I know it goes my store. That's where you know your store stinks when,

what call it goes, how long you doing stand up? I thought it was over. Ah, it should be, you're absolutely right. I was fucking, I just shut down the chat room. Anybody worth watching this show, just fucking it. Just went to Facebook and check their status fucking stink Holly you're absolutely right how long you be doing stand up about six years that's it that's it no shit I have any comedians hit on

you the ones in this room not not not no not really I mean they pretty much all knew I was trans and it's Albany. It's not like I've only I've only actually filled one guy in your life what wow, I know right I'm I feel like so you got a lot of tattoos Two yes, did you get any tattoos before you transition? So it's like you know anchor Are you into guys girls? I'm into guys Yeah, since I transitioned I was with one guy and that was it. It's awesome. I was just you know how long How long have you transitioned? Why did you transition? I started about 10 years ago. I guess so so you have been with one dude

Yeah, that's it. I know I'm with like a long-term relationship. No, no, no, it's just the one-time thing too. Why? You have an extreme roll issues. Yes. Yes. I have issues No, I just I don't know. It's very weird to I know you're really good-proud of you. Thank you doctor. Yes, right, right No, I just You know, it's very first of all but it's tough to meet guys You know, there's a lot of people who have you just, you know, for the fetish sort of thing. Right. Definitely. Just like, but they want to hide you in the, you know, in the meantime, and not be seen in public with you or something like that.

I know that feeling. Yeah. And it's like, it's like, it's not worth, that's not worth it for me. So I, and then, you know, online is always like, I know that feeling too. A crap suit. So, but Bailey wants to hide you. Yeah. I'm just saying, oh God, please. Don't talk about Dungeon and Dragons. This is a good funny way you trans girl wants to hide you. You're too feminine.

Matt, were you waiting the car? You're a little flouncy. Flouncy. Does it bother you that guys want to hide a photo? Oh, yes, totally. It does. That's why I'm just like fuck you. But it's like, if you don't want to hot? Oh, yeah totally That's why it's I'm just like fuck you But it's like if you don't want me seen in public then go fuck yourself But why would you not move to the New York area? You should I think it I'm I totally want to yeah, I'm getting there This is what you do here's what you do you ready Bing let her move into your studio that you get and she pays the rent

And then you guys pay the rest and when she and we kick her out when we get right right there you go I'll just walk her in the fucking throw in the mix and get laid with her right no you don't want to room it all right Matt Jesus Christ you good you need to move it I was gonna say you said he was feminine he's pretty man in the situation Bob we don't want to remain in the situation. No, Bob, we don't want to remain. You know, you're talking, you know, you're talking. This is our only chance to cheat on each other.

Collins apartment. Yeah. Yeah, you need to move down. I mean, you know, we'll be out. It's, it's, it's, I, I've hit a ceiling in Albany, for sure. Yeah. You know, there's not much more you can do in Albany. You've got a stone wash ceiling in Albany.

That's right. Was it, I know, was that an Albany joke? I guess. I don't even get it. What's the Albany joke? Because Collins is a vant, listen to me. He's the funniest Was it, was that an Albany joke? I guess. I don't even get it. What's the Albany joke? Because Colin's a savant, listen to me. He's the funniest guy on the planet Earth, okay? I don't care how famous, how many tickets little kev

or fucking Louis, it doesn't matter. Colin is the funniest guy. Listen, and I don't care if you don't get it. He's the funniest guy on the planet Earth. He's the quickest guy in the room. And he's the smartest motherfucker around, okay? And that's it, and it's the little dirty secret that every comic knows. We all know that he should be way bigger than he is, and he should have millions and millions,

because he is the funniest guy that he could make some fucking Albany joke to a trans girl on this fucking shitty show. You only say that because my great John Fist joke David oh my god what was that that fucking joke who's joke that only Bobby would get in the whole world but camp and John Fist I think it was the joke oh god he is a fucking master it's true why why why don't you finish you're not finished

go ahead why are you saying you finished're not finished. Go ahead. Why do you say you finished? You never finished you always fucking come back. It's true. I got one more in me Not one full one, but are you? No pressure. We're really have 50 minutes left You definitely have eight more fucking cop shows in you. Yes, I do. You got to embed it It's the ping is one one. It's just the ping better be on. And guess what? What? I know what you guys want to be on now, don't you? Hell yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Some progressive. We're gonna tell. They were like this. You could. That's awesome. Great. Would that be a costume? Maybe they could be three. You may be like three hookers. Yeah. I'm like the old buzzer. You look in hooker that does get

me business. Right. We pretty much have to be hookers. I think there's like a rule about that. Right. You can just look at your own. Or serial killers. Or have you. Right pretty much have to be hookers. I think there's like a rule about that right Be Tranny babysitters There's a musical I was almost in that movie transsexual babysitters three My dick just got hard Tranny's angels Charlie is an animal. That's good. He's Charlie. That's good, right? He'd be Bosley, no? Bosley's never in it.

Oh, right. He'd be Bosley. Yeah, you'd be Bosley. You'd be a great Bosley. Yeah. There you go. What would I be? You'd be the kingpin.

Well, it's not like someone who's just like a voice too. That's Charlie. Charlie. Yeah. Yeah, we have scobos aspied that. Yeah. We have scobops ass on the desk Just like hey girls

People with a smiley faces like those old cartoons you know that just like the Conan show Love that's goose a great ass. It's great. I don't even know how to wish. I don't even know how to wish. He spent the hundred dollars. I told him, I go to wish. I go, you better get sexy. I have to wear for Bailey. I go, I don't want to wash it.

He went to the fucking five plate. He spent the hundred dollars. He has sexy underwear in his house now. Yeah, it makes me so bad. Yeah, I never wear briefs either. At least my box are briefs. You should have like Superman underwear. Dude, if I had that ass, I could be stringing. Oh, I had that fast. I was like that, I mean that sexy underwear goes, it's, eh. My ass, I want to see my ass. He's making a pearl thong. Right, I was expecting, yeah, totally like a thong. I actually, I was in the polka nosenose at the cove haver myself.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And my actual, so I had the sweet with the champagne. Oh, here's my wife. Hang on, what's that? No, let's talk to party pooper or something. Hey, hey, hon. Hey, what are you doing? Well, I'm having a pool.

All right. I'm doing a podcast with three women. Just strange women that I just met. Not so deep. That's it. Talk more from the ad abdance. I'm so sorry, right? La la la.

Hey, ladies, say hi to my wife. Hi. Hi. What, what note was that? I don't know, it's tranny note. So that was Matt too. Hi. Hi. What's up, Baba? That's a sound of erections everywhere going down. What's up? Someone's calling. Don't sound sexy on the phone. All right, Baba. You trust me, right? You trust me? Yeah, I trust you. You do, right? right yeah I'll be sleeping by the time you get home talk dirty so you don't you care if I hook up one of these girls yeah I would care really would

you mind tired what if we just me and call just smoke the cigar with a couple of these girls. Yep, I have a good time. And by a smoke cigar, I'm here. Hi, child. Hi. All right, bye. I'll talk to you later. She really doesn't give a shit, does she? I'm not a satiety. She didn't say she'd be mad.

She just said she would care. So I'm in the room. I'm in the room. I have the mirrored ceilings and all over the whole room. And I have the heart shaped pool. I have the So I'm on my bed and I look up and it's mirrored. So I just took my pants off and took a photo So there you go, there's my butt There's the butt right there you queen

But is there like a thing cut right there? Yeah, well, it's a double butt It's a mirror. You have pass it down there like pass it down I can can I spank you next? No, you don't want to spank me. You want nothing to do with me. I'm too old and fat for you. I see it. I see a line. What do you think? The lines were the butt of the heel line. It's all the tuba who's pretty good from here. What do you think, Jay? Kind of impressive. Get a tub acta followed tonight. You kind of look like a giant beast. Yeah, exactly. You know, it's really a giant brother once. I was a headliner. Bobby, when's the last time you had your ass eaten? My ass has been shut down, the doors.

Like, you like, board it out. It's been a health department shut it down. It's been a long time. Yeah, because my wife doesn't eat my, I'm not ever going to, hey, I don't eat my ass. She'd go, are you crazy?

I have a heart-to-me eat dinner with you, you slump. You're fucking chew your food and breathe through your nose. I'm not eating your ass. Yeah, I don't know if my ass will love of being eaten again. It's a sad thing. We don't eat each other's asses. Really? We've been married. Are we?

We're not all the time. You should never even have a chance. I'll only when you're passed out. What a great argument to have. I think you never had a chance. I know. I hope you guys fucking break up over We fought down on the way down here. You did yeah, we did we fight

We was a debate it was a debate it was an educated debate about ass eating no See you understand why he 166 who does a magnet card? Do you understand why he who the fuck is he sex who does a magnet card? We when we talk politics will talk politics and then I said he was ignorant and that really upset I know we're listening to a podcast and the guy was saying all these ideas and I'm like that's what I say all the time But she was when he said it it was cool I say and I said it was because he has a more nuanced approach to it and sounded more educated And convinced me I have some crazy ideas and he said about that. He'll put things very shockingly and I'm like, that sounds really ignorant.

And then that's when we got into this like, kind of like fight and then, but ultimately we're like not assholes. So we get over it. But then I apologize for saying, because I don't think he's ignorant. I think he says things that sound more ignorant than he is. Right. Well, maybe the other guy's nuanced approach. He can tell him on estrogen, right?

Well, maybe the other guy's nuanced approach is phony that he says it straight and the other guys just kind of be calling Understand there's something to that but but the other person was even being politically correct There were just it was just a very educated approach to it Anyway, you know us in the dnd You guys really both played dnd I try but I love it. I will it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love, you really like Colin, that's it. Yeah, that's not going to happen. Well, I can't let it happen. I love his girl too much.

I can't let your infiltrate. Yeah. You're on camera, you dumb dumb. Shush, shush, shush. Anyways, all right, let's go to the chat before we wrap this up, man., shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, sh, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, sh, shush, shush Completed it hurt 600,000 tickets. You can get fucking a dollar a tweet. Maybe that would fucking help you Kevin hard as a huge penis I've heard yes massive dick. I was there when he showed it to Carrie Coravus You saw I mean first camera now I was on stage, but I taped hard coming out of the bathroom I said wow was it goes it was multi-colors

Wow, it's a kickstand. I would see it. I wouldn't see it like no one's business. You know, it's a kickstand. That's unbelievable. Well, to also be afraid of a giant penis. I wouldn't put it in me, but I'd blow it a giant penis. You would?

Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't blow it. You'd be not option. Like the one guy with, it was cute, and I was thinking like, no problem, right? I'm like, I'm bigger than average, right? So I figured no problem. This thing was like massive.

So, it was too big for you. No, I did gag a little bit, but it was like, all right. Yeah. You need to ride back to all of my. All right. Can I drop you off from white planes because I'll be done by that. Don't tell my wife.

All the things you hate. What is that? 17 to 80 hordes. Collins written a fucking zip car. I fucking got it. I'll take it all over your fucking Albany. My phone break. Not yet.

All right. So what else we got over there? Someone in the chat room asks, what is Colin into sexually? Seriously asking. That's a good question. What do you like? Do you like sex? What do you mean?

What do you like sexually? Do you like, I don't know. You know, I might, what are we going to say, my girl, you know what I mean? She doesn't like to kind of, you know, me talking about that kind of stuff. You like Steph Sacks while doing the New York Times Crossword puzzle? You know what I'm saying, what am I going to do? Break it all out? Are you married? I'll tell you what I like.

I like, whoa, I like a little missionary and I like a little doggy, standing up. We all like this. All right, well, I think that's what he was asking. But I understand why you wouldn't say yeah, yeah, I just I'm it's not me, but you know What else you got I love that you do facial expressions Emma 69 asks how long until Bobby says this podcast started in my apartment on my iPhone dude I podcast started in my apartment on my iPhone dude. I don't eat.

So I say that a lot. I've got that unnecessary. Well, I, I, I, I, I, I, I thought it's very necessary because those two versions that he actually picked that out of the chat so that he thinks that too about me, this fucking Indian D poo fucking Dapo,oo, Siri version of D-Poo. So this fuck actually thinks that, so it's really coming from him. How many comments do you get?

It's not coming from him, it's coming from him. Is it like in the hundreds or thousands? It's 10,000, I don't fuck, no, it's 10. Go ahead, D-Poo, what else you got buddy? Should we do Bobby Chat now? Yeah, do Bobby Chat. Brokeland Teddy says, great Kevin Hart has a huge Coleco cock.

Coleco. Calico. Calico. Calico. Sorry about that. All right, thanks for fucking ruining my chat. Go ahead. What else? That's about it for now.

Okay, I'm back from that. All right, oh shit. What is that? Oh, okay. I thought it was fucking hooked to your ass. All right, well listen guys, this has been a fucking amazing show. I appreciate you guys coming down. I kind of wanted to do this show. I know we talked a lot about, we joke and stuff like that, but I just, I didn't want to be like, hey, all these

trans chicks on and I wanted to have three girls, two of them I know that I'm friendly with, one that I just met, Sue and my friends on a show and just hang out and fucking do a regular podcast, which I think we did, which, you know, I don't think he's ever really been done before. I don't think there's been a show. Usually it's just one trans girl and it's like, what do you do and what do you like? And, you know, how big is your cock? And the only sexual objectifying was of Chris Goba.

Yeah, which I think. It's for the tables. We turn the tables on that. On the white man. On that. We know we saw the beautiful, we did see our boobs we did see your boobs one step forward one step back one step back

yeah we did a little bit you know what I mean it wasn't a dick which we really wanted to say we're loud kidding I'm kidding sort fighting. It is funny though. I swear to God, Bailey. Every time we hang out, I, you know, we're friends, but your cock will flash into my head. Oh, that's sweet because I've seen so many fucking times, you know, and it's just all of a sudden, I know your dick, like I know my dick. Really, you know my dick that well? Oh yeah, oh fuck yeah.

Because I've seen it a bunch. Because you're always on Twitter and he's always posting pictures. He's always a picture of your cock, and I love, of course, I look for it because I'm a friend, I want to make sure that you're checking for the ticket to the camera. You're healthy, yeah, yeah.

You're the photoshop, there's no freckles that you might not know. You have to get one checked out. You know what I mean? I get that. So, you know, it does pop into my head once in a while. And then I know what your dick looks like, because you're on the porn with her, which is.

Are you a porn star, Matt? No. Technically. I mean, he's a porn star. Yeah. I'm just like my POV cock. Like, first. I'm just a stunt cock.

Yeah. Oh. Yeah, he's a dild deal. He's a deal because a human Delta is you deal though. Yeah, he's human deal deal with the camera. Yeah, yeah, and a good eye with a GoPro strap to his forehead like that's we really do that a couple times. It's so weird. I'm having sex with a girl while you're wearing a GoPro on your head. So like from his perspective his hands come out and like touch my tits. It's like for the finish. And you show and that's on your website. Yeah. Why? I've never been on your website. I've never I've never, I've never, no, because I asked you a long time ago, I was, I kind of tried to weasel a free

fucking membership out of you. Did you? Well, I was like, no, I'll have to talk to the people on Amsterdam and we'll hook and he never hooked me up. And you didn't want to follow up with it. I'll email them. No, dude. No, fuck off, dude. It's been too long. Like, I don't want it now. I don't want it follow up with it. I'll email him right now. No, dude, no, fuck off, dude. It's been too long. It's like, I don't want it now. I don't want it. It's four years. I've been to your kid's birthday.

Like, it's like that part is done. Yeah, it's over. It's all three available. I don't want to fucking see it anymore. Back when we first met, you, oh, hook you up and I was waiting by my fucking email for two days. Now I'm a human and a dead man. Now you're a friend of mine.

I don't want to fucking. You've been to my kid's birthday. Had my kid on your lap. That's true. Yeah, I'm Uncle Auntie Bay. mine. I don't want to fucking even my kids birthday had my kid on your lap That's true. Yeah, I'm Uncle Auntie Bay. Oh my god How am I gonna tell me what am I gonna tell Max someday? Tell him the truth. Yeah, aunt has a dick. Yeah I want Imagine I'm saying Auntie Bailey has a fucking clock and so does it on tell him when he's 18 hire me as a stripper

Friendsport. Oh, I'll be what 55 by then be great I want to I was one to a one of those like bachelor parties this years ago before like it was not even trans Wasn't even like a big thing. Yeah, we have to always put a date on shit when you live with the chick or married It was like yeah like late 80s. And then all my friends are there, like fireman and shit. These guys that go up with, and this little port of a girl comes out, so dancing around, just shoving the tests.

Every guy's like, lick and attach. She's making out with guys. And then just when the song went off, just at the right time, someone always looked, just ripped the wig off and goes, thanks gentlemen. Oh, standing over except the guys who are making out with every other thing. Like a thousand bucks. That's fucking great. It's great. Are they hiring? So, all right, Bailey, I want to thank you so much for coming on. I appreciate it. Yeah, it was a good time and Maddie, thank you for coming down and being on the show as always.

You're welcome my friends. I always have fun when you guys are on. You're fucking great and Sue, do you have a good time? It was great. You're still nervous. You're still nervous. Why are you still nervous, huh? It's because my boobs aren't out. Are you really more comfortable if you were nude? No. How about you, Jack? Oh, no, no, no. This is how I said no. No, no, no, no, no. If you could replace this, you'd see me go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then my mom went like this. Fuck it, Christ. It looked like a Vans to me though. I didn't see it.

I remember when we first did your show, you said you're gonna go home or that night, you're gonna fuck your wife while sucking on a banana. And she made sausage soup. I remember. My wife, every time they come over, subliminally, she makes some sausage dish. Like every time she deserves a sausage.

He's like, he'll boss kill Bossa. I'm just like seriously. The last time I hit her for brunch, right? I look in this fucking kishis and all the salad and then I look in the frying pan. There's a fucking curled up huge dick. Kill Bossa. It had been addressed before this. I told her.

Like, we've tell her every time. I go, what are you doing? She goes oh my god. I forgot I don't even heard of I got cut that up Make it little chunks. I never heard of sausage soup. She made it. It's good. It's I've had that So it was amazing my wife sausage. It was the best that's a Italian wedding. Is that what it's called? No, it's no it's so she makes a sausage soup that is I mean even Norton has said It's the best soup. He's ever had this fucking life and she made it the first night you came over

I didn't know a great gastronomic fucking expert. Yeah, even no Nobody cares with that fucking mini mole god I have just to get for Norton. No, it does fucking go to great restaurants. He does every There's not go to shitty restaurants. He does that self-heating soup, too What? The selfie he's like the promo for the self-heating suit. He always tweets a photo of himself I think he's advertising for them or something. What is it? It's a self-heating thing. It's like a man gets hot or something.

He always shows himself a self-heating element. I look at all of them. You can get hot or something. Yeah, you're always showing himself a self-heating element What you follow my I thought was some kind of joke. He really maybe it's a joke. Maybe think a bit I bet his that's his AIDS cocktail that he's So thin now. I'm gonna Jim ever Just as fucking self-heating AIDS cocktail. I keep some fucking like nice and shape What are you looking up to soup? Yeah. Picture with him in the soup.

I'm here to. Let me see this. Self-heating soup. Maybe post them all the time. My goodness. Why do we know this? You want to know? You don't follow me.

Me and Matt know. I follow Matt. But I try not to go to Twitter. I was going to Twitter way too much. I was waking up in the morning, looking, I was reading, and I tried to wake up in the morning and meditate. I was trying to meditate for a couple of minutes. Not that I have a mantra,

because my friend wouldn't give me one. When it comes over to doing some conscious, like, cook hotcakes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, even the fucking bad ones are good, but I don't fucking get it but I'm not gonna fight it once I'm rump roast I was gonna say hammer. Oh as I just said So say comedian Jason right in my bitch. She's fucking funny, and I want you back on the show you get a move to New York You said move to fucking out of all move to fuck get out of all But yeah, Brooklyn queen somewhere in the wall street with Kong lips Suge you know is the church Avenue's the new hot spot. Yeah, it's the new Williamsburg

That's a well-pun accent, but you know, it's not really there's just like Indian people and I know Russian Pasha Danny Brick Layers. I know Only on the Avenue church. I understand I still live there on the little kid He's seven street Avenue's sake. I need to figure out all right. We're gonna wrap it up I really do want you to move to New York get the fuck out of me to move to New York do it get the fuck out He really wants your D. That's what he wants. No, I can't I can't I know here's a thing is we're friends now So none of us can fuck her and you know, I actually had this podcast so I don't suck anybody's dick. Yeah. Yeah.

This is just a ploy to eliminate it. You know what I said? I now that we're friends, I can't, even if I want to, I can't suck your dick, Jay. Even if you fucking, if you were my middle, and you like came in my room and held me down. I know who to be over. I spilled beer all over my underwear. That's hurt.

And I made like I got double beds because they didn't have a fucking king. And then like in the middle of the night you got scared because you're afraid of thunder and I was like, come on here. And then you know, I put you on the thing and then it really started thunder and out and then all of a sudden. And I wore some sausage soup. Yeah. I reached around the front and I just you know, I usually hold on to like a banister,

but it's not a banister. So your fucking shtomink is in my hand. And then you know, you fucking, you're not watching word. That's not a word. And then, you know, whatever, you know, all of a sudden you're the fucking on top of me holding me down.

I'm saying, well, that'll never happen. Never happen. That's the point. Never happen at my gig and fucking mohig and son that you really want to open for me. You really want all of them to be. Chris, Chris, you got bumped again. Chris is fucking done. No, why don't you both do it?

How will you both have it on the show? How's that sound? Well, both fuck your ass. I knew someone was going to wait for it. All right, so what do you have anything to promote? Your Twitter or something? My Twitter and Instagram have the same name. It's a Sue underscore lightning. L.I. You're right there? No, no, I said yeah.

I'm going to be at the Cherry Blossom Festival, which is on Saturday and Sunday, which is at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. It's like a celebration of Japanese culture and I'm gonna be dressed like a hot anime. Really? Is that the, what is that thing you dress as on your, like, it's a character from something? Yeah, what is that?

It's called cosplay, and I cosplay a lot of characters. Do you dress up as lightning from Final Fantasy? Is that a character? Oh, okay got it. Oh fucking look at you Putting it all together mac get happy over there. I would love to see you and think who we come boyfriend and girlfriend Nothing would make me you know what a podcast that be I quit doing this. I just make you I just put your show on the That's cool. All right, so we'll see you this weekend. And they can follow you on Twitter and Instagram. You put a lot of interesting things. You put one up on you, a crying. That was sad.

That was weird. Why are you crying, Sasha? That was just looking for attention. So you follow her too? Yeah, I just, well, I just started, yes. Because of the show. Well, we made friends now. You guys are friends.

Well, yeah, you guys are friends. You all right with that? Yeah. All right, relax. I'm gonna fight. I mean after the show, it's over on Friending Air. But, uh, Bailey, what do you got, baby? Um, just my Twitter, which is what is my Twitter? Bailey J tweets. And tonight, right now, I, I 10 30 15 minutes go, Comedy Central and watch her on, uh, Amy Schumer show. Inside Amy Schumer and watch her on Amy Schumer Show. Inside Amy Schumer. In front of Amy Schumer for the first tonight, please watch the show. Awesome.

Amy fucking, let me tell you, is so funny. She is, I mean, really, she works harder than anyone in show business. From everything I hear, well, she pays for Lucy Joep's more than anybody in this business. No, I'm kidding. So fucking call and stare at me like a statue, laugh, cocksucker, cop face. Is that what that means? Schumer is fucking hilarious man. She killed it, killed it on the MTV movie awards and on Letterman and Ellen.

She's fucking annihilated too. Yeah. And the show, Amy Schumer, Ins inside of you Schumer is fucking hilarious hilarious So make sure you watch it and check out Bailey tonight on it or go to On demand and watch it Matt. What do you got besides little tiny titties? I am old York mat on everything so Twitter Instagram. Yeah Vine and Periscope even and Snapchat And T.S. Dash Bailey J is Bailey's dirty website that I shoot for. Cool.

Make sure you go to that. Pay for it. Yeah, pay for it. Yeah, it's not that expensive. 25 bucks a month. 25 bucks a month. Yeah, and you put stuff up all the time. Constantly.

Yeah, every word shooting every week. Does it come up as BaileyJ's Gmail site on the credit card or can you disguise it from the people in Amsterdam? Yeah, they're really smart. Like what? Like a restaurant? People in Amsterdam. It just comes up as like a series of letters and numbers, I think. They're smart.

Oh, it comes up as SMC revenue, which stands for She-mail Club, but no one knows that. So it says SMC revenue. My wife would figure it out. She thought I had fucking peanut butter and jelly and tuna fish one night. So you had both. How the fuck did you do? Fucking found it. I buried it in the trash. Put the trash out. She found a piece of tuna on the floor

and a fucking spoon with peanut butter. Mother fucker. She's good. It's Quinn. What do you got? You know you can watch cops show on YouTube. You go to about it. Go to YouTube. It's fucking hilarious and it's free. I can't. You can't ask for more. You can't. It's fuck watch it. Together. It's five minutes of pop. Watch the whole. Yeah, watch the sign for one first because that kind of the pilot and watch the other one. And watch them in order. It's unbelievable. I can't wait for that to come back there. Thanks for coming on. I love you, bro. I love you too. What do you got? Jay?

See, you know, maybe May 7th. I'm at the Madison Theater. And Albany May 16th, the Trojan Hotel in Troy on May 15th at Bombers in Troy Twitter, Facebook website No, I mostly I've been able to do it through Facebook so I haven't developed one yet What's your Facebook? Uh, J McBride J-Y-E-E MCB R-I-D-E All right, hilarious go watch her uh, I just uploaded the video the the set I did opening for you actually Where is that I put it on YouTube.

I was very nervous when I was like, yeah, come on the show. And then I checked out her comedy. I know she killed it in my show, but I was like, maybe that was a, you never know, and then I watched your clips, fucking hilarious. And everybody I showed said the same thing. Even my wife would definitely would have rolled her eyes. She's from Everett, Massachusetts.

She wouldn't really have to a fucking dude with dumb jokes. She fucking laughed Fuck him. Oh, she's like she's really funny. No, I'm hilarious. That means a lot. Thank you. Absolutely scopo. What do you got my Twitter at Pictures of your ass up there. I should have a little Twitter followers if I do that you would if you put up a fuck it Scopo's ass I guess I'm there. I think I'm gonna go to Twitter followers if I do that. You would? If you put up a fuck it. Scoop those ass at my app. Can we take a photo? Can we take a photo with all you guys heads next to his ass? And we'll put that up. Yeah.

Yeah, all right, cool. Sure, it's 25 bucks a month. Mm-hmm. And Deeproot talk. Talk. Oh, come on. Now, that was a good deepu. What do you got?

I got your dates. Yeah, please, spit them out quick. April to 23rd,rd 24th 25th You have the Moon Tower comedy festival. I'm fucking so excited to do this It's in Austin, Texas. Oh awesome. This I mean you guys listen in live It's gonna be it's just coming out Monday. So this the listening live right now if you're anyone in the area go to this festival I I'm so happy I always did the other festival self by Southwest But now I'm doing moon tower and I'm excited. You've done it right?

I did it last year. How was it? Great. I love it. I can't wait dude. I wish you a lot. We said we never we did the the just for laughs together. Yes. Yes. Why the fuck are we gonna do something together? Let's do a show together. I'm doing Toronto this year. We guys single when he went to Montreal Like we went to Montreal together. No, I must have been crazy because much y'all like Not so curious. Yeah, no, I've always been with somebody fucking yeah All right Meaning for croissants Realize you guys I that must have been fun

croissants. Yeah. Yeah. Jay she made us realize you guys. I thought must have been fine. Apparently it wasn't as fun as it could have been if I dumped that fucking broad from Everett. I would have had a blast. We were in Tee-E. We were in Tee-E. Yeah. We were in Tee-E. Yeah.

We were in Tee-E. Yeah. We should do a gig together. What else do I got? Boston, you coming back May 14, 15, 16th at left Boston. Have you played that club yet? No, I have not. Do you do the Wilbur? What are you doing Boston? Well, no, I was going to I used to do the Wilbur, but then I did my show, the Unconstitutional show at some other theater like they were like let's try it

there and I think it pissed off Blooming Reich. I think so. You know, he don't play games. Well, you know, here's the deal with that club. I love I love the Wilbur. I love the Wilbur. I love Blumorite's kids and him have always been great to me. Right. But, you know, the last couple of years, I do the Wilbur and it's, you know, there's, you know, they got fucking a comic day at Thursday.

They got another two on Friday and then Saturday, somebody before me and then I gotta go, it's like I feel, and it's like I'm not making the money because I'm not selling the place out fucking a couple times. And I felt guilty, you know? And it's like somehow I felt like I did better at a club when I gave my fans options of nights to go.

Friday, two shows, Saturday, two shows. So it was like, you know, when I'm sandwiched in between and I got this one spot. Right, right, right. I don't know, it was like hard for know, when I'm sandwiched in between and I got this one spot. Right, right, right. I don't know. It was like hard for me. I felt bad. And then this club made me an offer I couldn't refuse.

Nice. You know, so I was like, let me try this laugh Boston. And I heard it's great clubs. I've heard great things about it. I mean, look, I love the people at the Wilbur and I, you know. Me too, yeah. But it's, I'm just trying something a little different. And I'm excited about it. So if you're

in Beentown, I hope you guys show up. Let's go there and I'm just fucking out of ball. I sell no tickets. Then I'm out of my hometown forever. Just have to play bananas, which I fucking do great at by the way. Anything else? Then June 18th, Salt Lake City, Utah. He hit the 50 West Club. Yeah, great show. And check this out. Sex drugs in Rock'a-Rome, July 16th, it airs. So it's a little bit of waste, but mark that on your fucking calendar.

And go buy my special. There's, we didn't do the thing you had to- We didn't do any, do we do a break? No, we didn't. No, we didn't take a break. So we'll put it at the beginning of the show. Sure. We'll put it at the end.

Let's put it at the end. Okay. Give him an option. Live at the village on the ground. You. Raid special. Raid special. Shod it myself, me and Jim Cerberco.

We love it. And it's, I love it. It's available five bucks at my website, robacadolive.com. It's just five bucks. If you're a fan of me, listen to the show. Go buy it. Just go purchase it, you'll own it.

Unended it at a little extra material. It's a fucking great special. I'm very proud of it. Support me. Go get that. Support everybody here. You guys are awesome. Thanks for coming on.

D-Poo, you got anything? They can follow me on Twitter at R2D-Poo. I'm Twitch. That's how I'm doing. I broadcast on Twitch at R2DPU twice a week also. We playing some Final Fantasy X and on of our guest. Oh, because you play as a character on that. Anyway, that's it for me.

Yeah. Awkward. Deep. In a weird accent. Deep, if you want any video stuff done, make sure you get in touch with Deep who is unbelievable. Really? Is he really a good Yeah, we're doing a five camera shoot right now live and he's editing as we go. Yeah, and

Yeah, he's pretty amazing. Well, it's damn me anyway. I made it here and I'm never late, right? He's never late He's always on time little country Little country. I like that though. Well, I do too once in a while. Let's see his ass first I like that though. Well, I do too once in a while. Let's see his ass first. I was in shape. He's got a good body. Yeah, but I think the show is asked before we hire him. Yeah.

Yeah. And I made a shave for that. Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris walked in. Chris was a little bit of a game tell. And Bob, because I'm not interested then he says leave it to me. You're hired.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, hang on, kid. Back that swing. Back that swing. Come we got something come back here and you guys You guys the fucking best fans ever thanks you checking out the show tonight You've been listening to the ykwd podcast Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs shitty jobs y los que están listos. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes.

Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Y ahora, vamos a ver los dos más grandes. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan.

¡Fui, Paras! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. que sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad

consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.