Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - A Fat Wah

Episode Date: August 1, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Nick Cody, Dave Smith, and Brendan Eyre! We talk about Pavlovian child-rearing, Debbie Wasserman's DNC antics, and the time Bob was a life guard! Dan Soder also drops by, reppin Team Voices! RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? ¿Y no lo sé, dude? ¡On the RiotCast Network! RiotCast.com.

¡Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth! ¿Es que es una costa de fire? ¡Aspacate! ¡Has no rules! ¿No lo es? ¿No es mi gas hall? to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-defying podcast. It's no rules. I know what I'm doing. I'm sure I've already sent you the rug. Can I get a microphone? Oh, that's so fun.

That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, and sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That love doing it Side to the coin Podcasts popular I might affect somebody's life. You never know

Yep Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup. Oh, sweet home. I'm back in the fucking mothership. The mothership, the Rykeh studio. You know what, dude? Let's face it. It's the You Know What Dude studio. I mean, let's just fucking...

Let's just face it. No, it's Rykeh studios. I am here. I'm back. We took over the OP and Jim show that is now the XM, the serious XM OP show. I don't know what it's, it has a- They changed it again? They changed it again.

Today, actually. But something happened, right? No, nothing happened. I think they're just branding. That we know of. Their branding was Jim Norton attacked by a black chick. Well, he's taking pictures. How funny would that be if they both did that?

With the same way. Yeah, but he was taking pictures of a cock. Come on, the fuck up. So we did the show. We did the takeover. It was a lot of fun. hilarious. It was great, man. Face painting was a great idea.

We, you know what, here's a deal. I can't do, he, OBS me to do it. I'm not going in and trying to, you know, do that show. Because that show's too hard. I can't, there's too much to that. There's a lot of shit. There's so much prep and stuff and buttons. And, you know and you know you think

you can sit behind that board and roll calls and volumes and buttons and videos and you fuck people don't appreciate how good opias at what he does and has always been at that shit like at running that show and that like I can run this show but I got fucking depot I got scope and I got long I got three people literally doing everything that if I had to do it, I would, I'd fucking be so fucked up by the time we hit play. They'd be ridiculous. So, you know, it was a great show. I was like, fuck it. I'm not doing that. I'm having fun. I call them Roland, who I know has so many food connections. I mean, I'm not sure. That was your idea? He has the best food connections. I mean, I'm not even kidding. That was your idea?

He has the best food connections in the city. Maybe the country. He knows every chef. And I said, he goes, hey, Bobby, are you want to do some food? I go, I want it all. He goes, excuse me, I go, I want it all. Is it all done?

I go, yes, I go, you call everybody. I want omelets, doughnuts, cupcakes, barbecue steaks, hamburgers, fucking bagels. I want it all! I love it! Fuck, what are you doing, man? I want it all. So he called up because we had omelets,

we had fucking Delaney's barbecue from Brooklyn show up. Oh, it's so good. That plays it's great. What the fuck great. Mike's donuts, because he knows Mike's donuts, this is my life, Mike's donuts. It's old school donuts shop. So much of what is that the one on 14th? Oh, no, no, no.

14th is donut pop. Right. That's pretty good. I've been there. Old school donuts. All right. Too small. Hey, hey, donut pop. No right? Too small. Hey, hey, hey, don't I, don't I, don't I?

No. No. No. You got to fight for your fucking donuts. That's the way donuts used to be. You go in there and you fight for your fucking donuts. There he is. Atty.

What's happened? What's happened? That's down. All right. It's, I, that's why I love it. Because you get in there, you're fucking hunkered down. That place has been that way for 60 years. When people were smaller.

When people were smaller people. No, but the donuts are too small at the place on 14th Street. The donut is a big donut. Yeah, see, I'm not with you on that. I'm sorry. What's your name again? I'm not with you.

The guy who was just screaming, I wanted all a minute ago, he's in with the big donut. No, because when it comes to donuts, I want a fucking OG donut. I want a cake donut. I want the donuts back in the day. Look, I'm not telling you that I'm not eating seven of them. Obviously.

Okay. Mm-hmm. I would say that was a really well-placed fat joke. That was almost too good because nobody got it. You fucking aristocratic cunt. I'm sorry, I thought we all just assumed you were having seven, so it didn't, you know. You went for it twice, no good.

Oh, I don't know what it was, it was bad. I was no good, you know what I'm doing. You gotta wait with it once. The Mike's donuts, I just like it. We'll get into it. Mike's donuts in Brooklyn. Oh, okay. The donuts we had, unfuckin' believeable.

Old school cake donuts, regular donuts, were. The donuts we had. Unfuckin' believe it. Old school cake donuts, regular donuts, well, a little twist. Fucking great. He catered. We had a great time. Face painting. I was like, let's fuck it. Let's do. Look, when you see face painting on somebody, you're like, where's the party? You, I mean, you're like, where are you guys coming from? I mean, it was weird walking around the series XM Studio. Everyone kept looking at us. Yeah because they look at you like what's going on with you. You're a good time. You're a lion. It's always like a borderline like this guy was either at a party or he's a psychopath. Yeah. Well if you see two of them you know there's a party. You see a little baby cow coming in deep pool. He needs him doing how to walk to them. He was

a clown. Oh, Tim Dylan is a clown walking to the bathroom. Really? You have a party, you have a party, and you have a kid, or if you just have a party, and you want to hire the best face painter in the, I'm not a kid, yeah. Freehand. This check at about face two is, I mean, how good is she? Yeah, she was great. She did your face on my face. She did my, it's crazy. Go to my Twitter, or you know what, dude, it's Twitter, and Lauren tweeted all the face it Her name is Carrie in Carrie and she's unbelievable. She came in Did face painting we had barbecue. We had donuts. We had a lot of fun. We had a calling hey Mm-hmm. You know calling hey. Do I?

From Australia, right? Go around the room real quick So they know why he's talking funny that voice right there is Nick Cody from Australia What are your ranch hand now? Who's next? Dave Smith what's up back again. How are you? I'm seeing a wild day too long since gangfest well, I'm a show too long. I blame scope up I blame you I blame you for not asking. Go ahead.

And we got Brendan Ayer back again. Brendan Ayer is back again. Thanks for having me. Of course, we have Deepu, Lauren, and we have Scopo and myself. We have a special guest apparently. Scopo's booking special guest without running through me. I hope it's somebody I don't like so I can throw something at both of them. I think he's going to like this one.

He hit me up today. Really? He already gave it away. It was the guy. Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, this is gonna be scary. Anyways, I had a blast. We I mean, Tim Dylan. Oh, it's why fucking love. He's great. I he is one of my favorite people. I call him human pro-zac. You can't not love him. Okay. I wish he was here now. Well, he's in Montreal doing big things. I'd lick them if the jokes stunk. I call him, you get... I just call him, he loves it. Can you walk the fucking timing and... I'm going classes. I call him Human Prozac. When you're around him, you cannot be happy. He is like lexapro when i have a headache i call

Tim he's like tyla the problem was just the timing the problem was just that like pro-zac isn't known as something everybody loves it wasn't like uh... that tim dillon he helps people with a dd focus that's what he is that all that lovable pro-sec It was fucking great though we hit our calling hey, right? That's a name right? Yes Lead singer of the men at work. Oh, yeah, of course who fuck I should lose my passport for that You really should to be honest with you. I mean he is, but he's from, he's Scottish, you know that. And he lives in Australia from, you know, whatever. And he was on the show. And I was, I'm a big fan of men at work. I love, but here, here's your greatest

one. What are those songs again? I know. I know. I know. Land down on there. Okay. And the other one is, um, come on. Yeah. Come on. on focus The fuck you got a keyboard in front of you like scope all you get you're actually listening Well, I don't know. I was at a device to find out My brain's not working on this one day. They'll make a speedy device if I type in his name It just pops up all the fucking hits songs. It's it's come on. I lean are they Australian? No, that's that's not that's not what's Midnight runner dexies good song though, but are they they're not Australian? No, that's not, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant.

That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant.

That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant.

That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That's not what it's meant, that's not what it's meant. That It just said it. I can see it in your eyes. That's still called you. Why? Let her do it. Let her. Let her just set it down under. Oh, who could it be now? Who could it be now as if dumbed it?

Are you rubbing? Is he rubbing off on you? No, you literally said it two seconds to type it in. Sorry. Love you. And he is rubbing off. Love you. I got it.

I found it. Oh, she came back at you. She can't She is she's titties The thing just went off some of the buzzer. You know it didn't yeah, I did I heard the buzzer. I swear to God I heard the buzzer. You're hearing things. Okay. I'm gonna be now. Wow I wish we I had a hammer Anyway, she came in and here's that he's amazing. He's fucking amazing.

You think he's gonna be whatever, but you forget that these guys, even if you don't like the music or you don't like the genre of that or whatever, or the songs or whatever, you forget that these guys are amazing musicians. And you put a guitar in this guy's hand and you put his songs his old songs his new songs and it you're sitting there listening to him like fucking oh my god this guy is just fucking amazing and what he did and he I've ruined it for everybody listening because when he was singing land down under acoustically totally different vibe it's a totally different song when you hear it that way. Sam National anthem. I started singing along with them.

People were so mad listening. You tried to get everybody else to sing too. Yeah, you're clapping your heads. I was such a fucking... Colin Quinn was so... he called me because you mother fucker. People were so into this song. he was singing it acoustically. It was so, I don't know if you can find it. It's so beautiful. And I'm in the background going,

and I'm doing it. And I'm trying to get, and then Lewis kind of, I was getting Lewis to do it, but he did a couple of us and he realizes what a fucking idiot I was. And then Vic Hamley wouldn't even look at me. And then even like Tim Dillon was like, oh, I ruined it.

I fucking ruined the audio. Like even serious can't use the audio. Because I'm in the background. I'm in the background. I'm in the background. Come on, fucking. I feel like I owe the money. Are you like when Yoko was in the... Why is your mic... I don't know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,, James Brown. Yeah, that's what James Brown, yeah. Yeah, two bad jokes, right?

What are you guys gonna do in podcast? I'll shit jokes. Brown, come, pull a chair. No, that was serious. He was with James Brown. No, but he was trying to bust my balls. I don't think he was. You were.

Yeah, he was comparing him to YoCo. Oh, fucking other jokes, bad when you can't even figure out the intent. David, you can't get this eye when you come on my show again. I'm completely sober. Well then I need you to tax GoPro quick. I need you to step up your game. I felt like a happy Australian and a fucking dumb dumb.

I felt like Scopus Joke stood for itself. Didn't need any attacking. No, it does. Because people think, people listen to show like who is he serious. I'm so listening listen can we just give him an eating disorder like you guys did to Pistuca? Too dark No, it's too real. Yeah, it's just and you're looking at one I mean if I wasn't here everybody would have chuckled it through I think I cockpuck that joke of my tits I I think I cock-blocked that joke with my tits.

I actually just came up with a fucking great new bit today downstairs. I said something because I'm fat again. I can't kick this fat. The six fat won't leave me. You look better than last time I was here, which is a year ago. I think you look great, Bob. Would you bang me? Of course.

I tell you that all the time. She has to. Did you say you want a shasta? No, this you have to. We've never said something like that. I don't know if it's hard to find a tab or a shasta. Let me know, because we can hear a shasta. Anyways.

What is it? How come you can't shake this fat that you've been able to do it so many times before? I think it's the kid. I think it's the age, and I think it's the kid. If I didn't have the responsibility, the hours in the day that I have to put into raising my son, those are the days where I, those are the hours I take a nap

or I go to the gym, you know what I'm saying? Where I had so much time before when it was just me and my check, even when we were married, I'd take a nap or I'd go to the gym. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Where I had so much time before when it was just me and my check. Even when we were married. Because I could fucking, you know, I'd wake up, I'd wake up late, I'd be rested. I'd go to the gym, come back, take a nap, take a shower, take a nap. You know, blah, blah, blah, and then go do shows, come home once, you know, I wake up in the morning, man man and this kid I got home at 3.30 in the morning from Philly on night

I didn't go to bed to four Because I was just yeah, I can't just go go to bed to four this kid came in and slapped me on the head It's not hard Like palm to my head Where's my present? He knows never time he go away. No, I got him. I told him I got your present.

So he looked at eight something. He just went, where's my present? And it's the picture. How do you know where you got, you know what I mean? I want to fuck it back on my bottom. I want to fucking, so I wake up. And then, you know, when you have a wife too, there's some motherfucker.

If any, I don't know if there's people in the chat room, they usually just fucking talk shit about it, buddy. but if any of the chat room has a kid or you know there's a thing about being married when your wife you know she knows you're tired she knows that I'm fucking exhausted she knows I have shit to do later in the day but if she if she gets a break if she you know she slides that kid over to you, she could have stopped him from coming to the room. She could have locked him to the room. She could have said he'd do me a little bit.

But she left that door. She got up, left the locket door open. She heard it going. It's an inside job. Yeah, she knew what she was doing. She knew what she was doing. She was unlocking unchilded, but everything's tough. Yeah.

You remember that, you remember that present daddy told you about her? Oh, dude, I'm losing to be right now. All right, exactly. I, I, I, I, because then I'm out of come out and I'm fucking exhausted. She's like, hey, got coffee, waiting for me. She's got, she's got all this stuff to get me going. And then I, I gotta go, you know, I always go by

and I'm like, look, I, you know, I gotta get some sleep. I was it she's like we'll go to sleep then I Must stop and yeah you are you fuck I know what you doing in court I lose but in my fucking head I win because I know you fucking manipulate in ways That's where it counts as long as you're winning in your head. That's what I've been telling myself She probably won't you kid up as well She probably won't keep it up as well. She probably won't keep it up early. Well, he's out of the crib now. He's in his own bed. So he can just roll.

So he can just calm. That's a whole different level of freedom. We pe- we pe- we was at Pavlov's dog. Yeah, we did that to him. When he was sent to the last year, we had this thing in his room. This is- I don't even know if I can get sued for this. We- well, they sell it so we can't. I had this clock in his room, okay? And it's orange all night. And you can't get out of your bed until a turns green.

Like you can't call or say, let me go until a turns green. For the last year, we've been teaching him. You cannot, that light turns green, you can get up and get out of the bed or you can call for us and we'll come. But we're not coming until that fucker turns green. Right? And it really worked. He would not. What type of 1984 world are you raising your kid at? I was like, if you need love, you tell the machine, you need love, and your mom will give you a hug once a month.

But that's like, when you said you were worried about getting sued, I thought you were going to be like, I can crush up a couple of valiums into his milk before it goes to bed. Every Tommy walks in, I punch him. He's the only way he's going to learn. And we got to, oh hey, hey, little guy, you tired? Well, now you're tired and you got a dead arm. How about that? So what'd you learn?

Bobby Kelly parent there. That's a great idea. That's a great idea. The one who does that clock. He's great. How about that? So what'd you learn? Bobby Kelly parent there. That's a great idea. That's a clock. He's great. Lewis's kid, he was like right, I guess right toward the end of the crib, FaZe like before they got him in the bed. He was just like when he woke up from a nap,

you would just hear from like the other, I'm like, and you'd come there and he's just trying to climb out. Like he's, he already knew it's just a bad time. He's like, I'm out of this bitch. Lewis trying to get out of jail. That's just a bad time. He's like, I'm out of this bitch. Louis trying to get out of jail. That's the Puerto Rican. He had little pointy shoes on to get through the over the fence.

Yeah, look man, it was fucking, no more side shots at me by the way. All right, you take the shots from that right there. I've been moving. I'll move. I've been looking at your shots and you got the shots from like that right there. I've been moving. I'll move. Yeah, but you get you I've been looking at your shots and you got a lot of side shots of me, but from up top. It's all right. No, it's not. It's fucking still dude. Side of me. It's almost like a distortion button. Like people watch it go to somewhere with that photo. It's like a body type. Bobby, look great. Baba, listen don't get too ahead of you.

I don't fucking know my side shots. I told Colin Quinn because he's a fatty too. You know he's a he has the potential. He skinny fat. Well he skinny fat now but he has the potential to get big. I don't know if you've ever seen Colin Quinn on the Garyinn on the uh... gary sent larry sent a larry sent a show he played uh... his nephew or something you want to see fat called quinn woof really

no you know do you know that one up he was fat but he um... let me tell you this he uh... he went to get suited because he has these really thin irish legs that don't get fat and then he has a little tiny waste and this massive stomach and these little shoulders so you know it's like dude I want to get fitted for a suit and the guys this is not the bus of that

I thought this this buddy type is not real I mean he's like it's possible you've you've broken the laws of physics oh wow oh wow yeah comics bloated it back the hair cut. That's called fat Yeah, Quinn was a fatty man He has the potential, you know Like Lewis Lewis is a fatty Lewis Fluest fluctuates. I mean, I guess you've you've gone up and down a bunch of your life too Some people just are like that they naturally fluctuate some people don't like

Say remember George St. Pierre was talking about that when they wanted him to fight Anderson Silva And he was like no, I can't gain weight or lose weight like some people just can't and then there's some of those u.s. you guys who can like fucking fight at six different way yeah i got a little bit of fucking balloon up i can't a fucking love my can't he looks like she loves my mom hunt

you both have to take away this is a prank phone call? Yeah, it's your refrigerator running. It's a refrigerator running. I go way up and down. I lost 27 pounds since the last time I was in the show, and I'll have it back. Maybe that's why I didn't recognize you, dude. Maybe you should've said that.

And your charisma is just a little bit of a dead. I haven't made been to the table. What do you do? What do you do to count the right? I eat so poorly that I just stopped eating sandwiches and I lost 20-70 pounds. I didn't change anything else. I said no sandwiches and I lost 27 pounds. I reckon I lost 10 pounds this week because I can't have beer. I'm on an antibiotics. Yeah, wait for what? For a prostate thing. We've got a finger in the ass on Sunday. What happened? Near time square. For real? Yeah. I don't know. Something happened. I was a I did a...

Are you sure there was a doctor? Yeah, there was. Was it many months? It was holding a sign outside. Spider-Man. I did a... I've been waiting for when... Spending a sign. Prostate. Pr cross teams. So what's wrong with your asshole? Norman and Ari Shafir were hosting OP Radio last Thursday. Oh, great stone. And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went in and afterwards I'm with Ari and I'm like, oh, I've got to go to the bathroom. He's like, yeah, cool, and I come out and I'm like, I've got to go to the bathroom again.

Then we go to the subway and I'm like, I think I've got to go to the bathroom again. I just couldn't go anywhere. Like, I've seen nothing the week I've been in New York the bathroom again. Then we go to the subway and I'm like, I think I've got to go to the bathroom again. I just couldn't go anywhere. Like, I've seen nothing the week I've been in New York just staying inside all day. Oh! There he is! Oh! All right.

Oh! Nice. Oh! Oh, sit over here. What's up? No, sit over here. Sit over here. You sit over here.

Because that lumpy ass out of my way. What are you doing? Listen, I told you to sit here. I don't know where to sit. Sit there. You Sit over here. You sit over here. Get that lumpy ass out of my way. Where you going? Listen, I told you to sit here. I don't know where to sit. Sit there. You always just go over here. You motherfucker, you always do that to me. What?

You always just go against the grain and go with the people. Because you've done me corporate Dan and I have to break that image. I swear to God, I thought you were just trying to see how many times you could make Dan walk back and forth. You could have got me through. You're right. I'll tell you right now. If I'm being dead honest, four more times you could make Dan walk back and forth. You could have got me through. You're right. I'll tell you right now.

If I'm being dead honest, four more times. Here's the thing too. He said I have a special guest that you're really gonna like, and I was thinking way more famous. I can't tell you. I'm talking about four levels hot than Dan's. I'm gonna pop up. I got no way.

Collins is gonna pop up here. That's crazy. Yeah, I was thinking, that's like, Louis. Oh yeah, Louis, you got to contact me to get on the show. Not me, I just like, oh's fucking nuts. Like, Louie. Oh yeah, Louie, you got to contact me to get on the show. Not me, I just like, oh, do you need your brakes fix? Do your boats got brakes? But I'll tell you this, I wouldn't have been as happy as I am right now when I saw your face.

I love when you guys lie to each other. I'm not even lying, I swear to God, I'm so excited. I'm very happy. I haven't seen him in so long. You look like you're running the worst bank ice group in the world with all your guests today. All right, who would who who who he be? Oh, though. He's the gunman that loses it and ends up shooting the teller. Yeah, that's right. Don't look at me like that again, bitch. This bitch got empty eyes. This bitch got empty eyes. Cody's the explosive

explosives expert. I won the Cody. He I wanted to keep blowing up in the bank vault and then days the Jew that planted all. And Scobo's a guy who fucks it all up, I fucking haven't moved the car because of meter mails. Scobo's a guy. He just come out scobo's supposed to be the getaway driver and he's just like sipping a nice coffee. I moved the car down the street to a lot. And he just keeps letting me you guys you guys told me three minutes You guys came out and two what am I supposed to do? Deep who's in a moot moot tell somewhere being like that on deal That all coming in from every side

Three three computer screens one cable The explicit is expert with that voice I'm gonna tell I Really hate your accent. I can't tell you I want to tell people that you're you're a huge Agamazon and Instead of all right. Yeah, do it. Just shut that camera. Well, you come on one time as you drag We just shut the camera if you wish you if you just want me to talk like this and pretend like insane. We wear a Wolverine mask I don't know how yeah, and like a morphe on my nail. Well, you need a much better. You're shot. Have that bit You do look like you've recently slept in a carabou

Anyways, we're talking about Fat me being fat like I can't like I can't what a bummer Guys come over to my house now. We're gonna talk about the Like I can what a bummer guys come over to my house now we're gonna talk about Maybe come on if I honestly we were sitting downstairs and I go they're doing a YKWD up there you got to guess what the topic is I was gonna give you three but he nailed that why is that all I talk about no just come on oh so I know but I'm saying you got so much range baby I'm I'm fat. I'm just I'm just. You're right.

Well, bug me that you not knowing in here is fat. Scope has a potential to be fat. Dave, you'll never be fat. Well, if I get fat, I'll be fat. Like the way what you were making fun of Colin for the I'd be the worst type of a. Oh, skinny fat. I was skinny fat a year ago.

Yeah, you won't be. No one in here could be my fat. Now I bloat. I'd be a bloat. Yeah. What? I'd be a bloat. Like just What? I'd be a bloat. Like just too many beers.

It's not like you're having a stroke, also. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. I'm a freer than a beating hair. Hey, do beating hair. You have everything smells like beating hair. What's I think that news reporters get sometimes? I can't get the stuff.

Hold on, bro. I have hands on it. So what? Do you ever see that with the news report? I love it. That's a fucking mental show. Dude, I really love it. There's nothing better than a news fuck up.

Just any, do the one, my favorite thing of all time. So there's this chick quintess of brewer on, she used to be on MSNBC and she just goes, and they have like a split screen, you know, when you're interviewing a guest and she just goes, okay, guys, we're now being joined by the Reverenell Sharpton, but it was Jesse Jackson. That's good. And then Jesse Jackson just goes, my name, we're now being joined by the Revrenals Sharpton, but it was Jesse Jackson. That's good.

And then Jesse Jackson just goes, my name is Jesse Jackson. One of my favorite ones is a local news reporter, and they're teasing a story that's coming up, and she goes, coming up on the episode, a man who climbed Everest, but he's gay. He's blind. He's blind. I don't know.

That's the one I always love, man. It was the one, I'm belagable. Oh, it's so easy. Sorry, sorry. I'm blind. I don't know. That's the one I always go on. I'm not even going to say it one. I'm belated. Oh, it's so easy. Sorry, sorry. I'm blind. I'm blind. And there's one where Guy doesn't have any cadence.

I forget what the guy's name is. He's like, Charles Roberts is in here today. He was murdered. And a brother. He's like, what the fuck? He's like, two teenage 20. I had no pause in between the stories. Why is this so hot of here? It's like two teenage twenty like I had no pause in between the stories

Why is it so hot here? We were just gonna pass out I finished it's a pop show and then I ran over it's that seat right that was hot over there Oh, it's the hot seat I was sweating over there the um I feel a bad Lawrence gonna catch my B.O You just have a hot chicken the pocket seat just for all my fucking B.O. Um, I the more you do morning news when you do comedy when you do the road. Yeah B.O. If you just have a hot chicken, the pocket seat, just for all my fucking B.O. Did it? Um, I, the more, you do morning news when you do comedy when you do the road. Yeah. Well, sometimes they have you do the morning news show.

Anytime I do, I don't mind doing it because I get it now, but it's just a fucking nightmare. Yeah, it's just like a three minute, it's not even a, you have three minutes. I love it. Just a cut when it's a comic because you a comic, because you're not really a morning news guy. So it's hilarious when it's like a cut, like I've seen like when I tell those that stuff. I'm like, it's like, hey, how's everybody doing? Come out. It's funny, because I always think

the local news anchor is completely apathetic towards you. And then you get shuffled in like a show dog. And like this is Danny's working at the laughing skull and they're like, okay, I'm gonna talk to you. But they're usually pretty nice. I mean, they're like, hey Welcome to the show, but they secretly hate each other behind the head. I don't want to live in Tacoma anymore Yeah, as anybody like every every morning anything they hate each other after fucking three years They get the gig and like this is the best and then three years later fucking did I mean talk?

They're just on their phones during the break and they come back. Hey, we're back. We're gonna make Squin Glee That would be fun if you got to participate in another segment when you went on like local TV They actually had me and Philly this week the the traffic guy was Bob Kelly really and he was out Really and they what they did was they just assumed I would be the traffic guy and they were like, okay, they didn't even ask. No one told me anything.

They said, you're gonna be Bob Kelly. You're gonna be the traffic guy. You're just gonna cut to you and he goes, good morning, he does that everyone. Good morning, Philadelphia. And then he goes, you need a double jelly doughnut with the traffic jam and so, and I'm sitting there in my brain, com my ego as a like a performer was like

fuck you don't just assume but that I knew that like the ticket sales are light and I was like how did you do it like you doing a flyers jersey she knows is better than pants spot it Kelly it's a jelly jam a Jonah jam on the bugging He won right now Full fall the bridge is packed up dude. I was driving through Philly and I woke up in my hotel and I watched the local news and Bobby was You know Bobby's doing the traffic and Phil Delphi

Who's manager is he's got a fire. So here, you're closer with Bobby than I am. Did Bobby quit comedy and take a job as the local traffic guy in two things? Number one, I mean, I loved his comedy, but number two, what a great local trend. It's fucking, it's like he's born to do it. I don't know if original Bob Kelly's ever gonna get work again.

I mean, he got me to work 10 minutes fast. I didn't know the four or five was gonna be jammed up like that. But it was a double jelly, Jimmy Jam. Dude, I went so over the top of it. I was gonna do the other way, where I was like, Hey, I'm Bob Kelly. Yeah. Good morning.

I went so over the top with it. Is there anywhere we could watch this? I don't know. I like that the real Bob Kelly was just at home. Like, he's doing my fucking Jimmy Jam, you know, I do the Jimmy I just imagine this wife's like hey honey put down the hey come in here You're gonna want you're not gonna be happy you're seeing it him

That'd be great if you had a problem with another guy named Bob Kelly who's a local traffic guy I had a problem with the guy named Bob Kelly as a kid a little redhead. Well who doesn't have a problem with them? They're gone. Yeah Bob Kelly redhead fucking yeah, yeah, brand name. Yeah, you're a Viking face Yeah, you're right head. What's talking red all over Freckles fucking space between your teeth and dead tooth? Whoa, this is getting to be very specific. Your birthday is May 19th. Yeah. You went to fucking St. Charles Elementary.

He actually wouldn't let me in the ice skating rink. That's kind of hilarious. You know, I'll kill you real, really. He wouldn't let me in the ice skating. He was the ice skater and he was like, I'm the only fucking Bob Kelly that skates in this rink. And I couldn't go skating. He would beat me. When the how old were you guys?ates in this rink, and I couldn't go skating. He would beat me.

How old were you guys? I was fucking kindergarten first grade, baby. Oh, okay. God damn Boston's a rough city. Buddy, he would fucking push me down on the snow. Jesus. And I was just like, he's moving on to his game. And he'd be like, no, you have no fuck.

I'm Bob Kelly. Change your name. And I was like, but I like my name. And I would have to leave. Welcome to Boston, which childhood is just fucking finding out if you have faggin at it's all it all your stories jobs like I got struck in the head how old you five I try to go to a skating rink I try not to lock it about well that's why you like skating at Boston is like a thing everybody skates everybody loves

hockey it's like a hockey town not skates, everybody loves hockey. It's like a hockey town, not me, not fucking good old Bob. That's because of that other fricking face. Wait this. No, this is just like stayed with you. Have you looked him up? Have you a Facebook team or anything? No, I don't. You can't wait.

So this day, Bob, it's not even trying to look him up and Bob won't go near an ice skating right here. He's like, no, Bob, he can't tell me I'm not allowed. Oh, I'm in the middle. Middle of the night he's grabbing it air I don't fuck with I don't fuck with I like you two fucking queers, Dagen up a No, I'll fight you both right now

Take off Bob Kelly pain out on you two fucks skate skate You're allowed to skate You're allowed to skate there. This is your room. Okay, thank you. It comes with your balance. It's a call in your bear. It's a call in your bear. Hit the symbols.

Hit the symbols. He's like, simple. Sorry, Dan, I'm sorry, Dave. I just snapped. I mean, looking back at it, do you feel like you should have just changed your name? Oh, yeah. I mean, Robert.

I'm saying, yeah, it just goes off the prompt. Robert. Hello, Bobbie. All right, fine, a Michael, can I come in? Then I get my ass kicked by Michael Kelly. How the fuck are you, Brad? I don't know Bobby All right, fine a Michael can I come in? Then I get my ass kicked by Michael Kelly The older brother Drink yeah, you went to Michael Kelly. That's the fucking toughest so we go Punch me in the face and he had my mother by the neck

I'm fucking Kayla. I'm fucking can take your socks off take them off on a rink I yes, you can hear the sirens. I never looked them up. I never I never wanted to fight. I know there's another Bob Kelly too who is a he's a comedian. He's like a old dude. He actually came to my show at the Atlanta punchline. He said the same thing. There's only one comedian. He's called a punch being hit. No, it's 36.

I'm going to cut my head off. No, I did my show. It was like the Sunday night, the last show. It was a light crowd. He's sitting in the front with his leather jacket on this old guy. And I didn't really say anything to him. And after the show, he comes up to me, hey, I was like,

what's up? And I don't know what he was going to say. He goes, look at this. And he points to his jacket and it says, Bob Kelly, Bobby Kelly, whatever goes, I'm Bobby Kelly too. I looked you up in the internet, saw you in Pantheon and I want to come see your stuff. I do comedy too, more like Spokane Word. And I was like, that's great. What? Set the front row. What a fucking asshole.

I love that he said that is a thing you bring up after the show you stand in the back just so you know how you doing local Bob Kelly just want to know we got to meeting your Bob just in case you thought I might be lying check the jacket what do you think I'm an asshole he's gonna get any name and bro you know but then by the way somewhere backstage in like a broom closet is the real Bob Kelly like tied up. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no It was weird because then he was like he was trying to like talk like we have something in common I don't know what it could be I talk what we're talking about like career-wise like comedy He was like, you know comedy. Oh, it's trying to do a pissing contest with you. I'm like dude look I get you fucking you know you show up at a fucking cracker barrel and fucking have a mandolin and you say some shit

You know, it's a little rougher what I do, you know, I like to just pans to his thing He's like walking feeling On the street punchline I'm spoken word Bob Kelly of a Bob Kelly aggressive You are the most part of the way I tell way, I tell you, you hate my accent. Anywhere else in the country except New York, LA, Chicago, people think I'm from Boston. Really? Yeah, because we started. Yeah, hence the Trump problem.

Yeah, Park, Yard. Who has... I don't like your foreign Boston accent. Who told you that? Because I'm from Cleveland, and if I heard you talk, I wouldn't like that. Fuckin' Bostoners. Told you that because I'm from Cleveland and if I heard you talk a wind I get fucking Boston What what tells you that you from fucking a few times in Oregon and in Washington Oh, well, those are all backwards people in the Pacific Northwest

Yeah, they don't even hear accents those are loser Lewis and Clark trash Consider themselves American that's to me. That's still suit territory. So I don't know. I'm from Colorado. I'm a real frontier. I don't like your action. I really doubt. Thank you. Because it's too, it's too fucking happy for me. It's always up, like I told you before, it's just, it's always up at the end, and it just bugs me. But yeah, it's just, it's just, it's just like a Scottish, it's just I like a Scottish neutral. It yours is a little lighter than it you know than the A regular one, but it's like a Scottish. I love Irish. I fucking love English is my favorite. I love English Which part of it's the best it's not many different ones. It is I mean I like it's big good cock man I like the East London. Oh you do that. Oh no No, but I dated. That is called from East London.

That's what it is. Yeah. What is it? Can you do your accent? No. Like, can I go look at Fred Armiston? Fred Armiston can, and that's like one of the greatest. You should, on YouTube, he does all five burrows of New York.

If you were Lauren Michael, he could whip one out right now. Let me hear you. Well, I like that. What's your dad? Is it some jazz dance? Yeah, he was cockney. No. Whip one out right now Do an impression I'm gonna re-animate your father and kill him Are you comfortable with that? He's learn Michael Dr. Evil.

That's what it is. That's who he's after. Based on Dr. Evil's learn Michael. Oh, really? Yeah, I mean, oh, yeah, that's who he's after yeah, that's based on that's Gravel's more Michael. Oh, yeah, so when so there I guess you You say Yeah, team voices I don't do access, but I'm with team voices I'm the team voice sidekick. Oh wow, that all that all makes sense now. Yeah, you know Dana Carvey was supposed to be Dr.

Evil do you know that there was like a huge problem with him in Mike Myers? Do you know this? Colin Quinn was supposed to be the son. Yep. He called him up and literally said he goes I love Quinn was supposed to be the son doesn't make sense at all He calls him up. He goes I wrote this part for you. I want you to play it I think he goes nah, I'm good Mike. I'm good. Thanks. I'm working on my own thing He goes calling. I really just please. I think I just look at it. I'm good. I'm doing Mike, I'm good thanks. I'm working on my own thing. He goes, Colin, I really just please, I think I did. Just look at this. I'm good, I'm doing my own thing.

I'm working on one man, one of my show. And then he goes, he called up the next day, he goes, listen, please, I'm sorry, I think it's gonna be a big movie. I think it'd be really good for you. He's like, I told you before, I'm working on my own one-man show, I got my own things going on.

Fucking boo. Things go low, you know how much money? money three movies later and it also makes way more sense It that if it was calling because it was 30 years. Yeah, and Seth Green was like yeah, 21 It was written for Colin Quinn. Do you know much? Fucking money he would have made off of that movie off the rear Is it was alone? I don't know it. I don't know if they give me a deal like that. I think I think I'll be giving me a minute after the third movie. Oh, yeah, I'll fuck there were three. What? Dude that movie made a gaz, a fucking

I was like a really successful movie. Yeah, huge. But I didn't know like I didn't think like playing the Sun So they're like, do you want part of the box office? He's like a buddy. Here's the thing too, is that it plays like, because it's that clean movie, it plays anywhere, anytime, every, all the, like, Christmas story, just makes, that movie doesn't watch this. I watch it on sick every time. It makes a gazillion dollars.

You make so much money off residuals off that fucking movie forever, and then the second one and the third one. Holy fuck. It's also interesting that they couldn't get Colin Quinn and we're like, ah, get Seth Green. Like he's so different. I probably they just went different.

Yeah. They just probably went that way. Do you know the actor? Eric. You have a look at Eric. Eric Banner. Yeah. So you know the movie that got him into the US was a chopper.

Chopper. chopper. A lot of chopper. There's an Australian comedian, Dave O'Neal, who's quite big back at home, who's best friends with Eric Banner and try to talk him out of doing chopper. That's right, funny. And he loves telling the story because he's telling him, dude, you shouldn't make a movie about a criminal. They might, I don't think people will like that.

It was fucking... It's an amazing movie. And Eric Banner brings it up every single time. Nobody likes a crime movie. Yeah I get what I know because you're being a you're being one of the most terrible human beings in Australian history and people We love it. We love Chuck. I was talking about that type of stuff with a friend of mine today who's in the business on the other end And it's like you you never know what, you could do so much shit that just fucking fails.

And then something you don't even think of, just tits and takes off. We're looking at Zach Alfonakis. That guy was big back when he was doing colleges. And then they put so much money behind that guy. I mean, just so much money and it didn't pan out Galvanakis it he didn't he didn't hit Until a few years ago with

Yeah, I mean yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's my point are you listening to me? I'm saying my I'm saying he was supposed to be big back when he did college him and dainn yet the head of the day the exact alphanage or big day right nothing and then they had that they put millions behind that nothing he was in the nothing he was in a lot of alcohol fucking nothing he was in a lot of shit he was in a lot of she was just doing his

one-man show at matriol was his thing and he i mean the exact alphanage was going nowhere and he does one movie, the hangover, and now he's the biggest thing in the fucking world. You could take off on one project and then you can also get ruined on one voicemail or something like that.

I'm saying something, you know, like something you were supposed to blow me before that you couldn't do that. My favorite male keeps it lying, anything he's ever done. And I love the lethal weapon franchise and Mad Max. And that was my favorite thing he ever said. He's done so many good franchises, so many great movies. You're supposed to blow me before the jacuzzi?

Apocalypse, oh man. Never saw it. Fantastic, you got to see it. Okay. You've never seen a apocalypse, oh man. How can you be a Mel Gibson fan and never see apocalypse? Because I just see it. Okay. You've never seen a popular lift up. How can you be a Mel Gibson fan and never see a buckle up? Because I just have it. Dude, that movie has not won. It's all subtitles. I'll watch it 19 times in a row.

It's something all humans do. And I know I do it too. But everyone gets mad at somebody if they haven't seen a movie. They like. Yeah. I've been saying any Indiana Jones movies. Oh, so you don't have a soul None of us the bad person really Oh, of course you're a soul with asshole is moving forward You think all of them though not all no, but you need to watch temple of doom You need to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark and you need to watch last crusade the fourth one

Well, I love both of us. Yeah, the Rose I loved it. Oh, it's of course. You love I can't say something about the Rosa. I'm saying it shampoo on the fucking mics on He fucking goes against whatever the fuck popular Belief is just a concern everybody takes a movie sucks. He will say it's great Oh, Batman's for Superman. So did I you did not yes. Yes I did. How the fuck did you like that movie? I liked Batman vs Superman. The name weren't thing about it. That was good.

I think I was pretty dark. And I thought it was, I thought it was too packed with too many different stories. But I thought overall, much better than everyone was fucking making it sound. Movie fucking below. No, did not fucking below. It didn't below.

It was Batman fighting Superman. It didn't below. Yeah, it didn't blow it was batman fighting Superman it didn't blow it doesn't make sense I mean I got that from the title yeah cool that's what I wanted that's what I walked in for and I got it cool love I love I like the dance I love country Dave yeah he just sat there for a minute when I got it like Dave and I were dating for 12 years yeah I got there from time move on give me a hand I know I found dango the tickets for us damn. I know what you saw But he first of all Batman can't fight Superman. Hey can no, he can't get a friend Miller novels because he's so fast He could fucking just burn him with his eyes. Yeah, they tried doing that and then Batman built a fucking suit

Dude he did crossfit so he could wear this to exactly he does he did create did Rocky He did creed. He did Rocky. Fuck it. I loved it. Rocky for workout. The fight Superman. He was lifted up. He was doing the first, well, they stole it from the arrow. They show you, you have a bar.

DC, it's pushing up and you push it up and you keep pulling yourself up. Well, they stole that from American Ninja Warrior. Yeah. The Santa M ladder. And American Ninja the movie. What's it called? The salmon ladder. Why is it called the salmon ladder? I don all the same and i don't know i'm big uh... big and jay fan okay

getting questions about that come my way uh... we will the same like the guy that reports from the side of the obstacle course that's what i'm going to a good run on that salmon line what did you think all about that third row welcome back to the fastest growing obstacle sport north america the most dangerous game show on network television. American Ninja Warrior. She made it by the spinning ducks. But can she make it on the log run? I didn't think she was going to make it up that warped wall

for our next challenge. These next three are going to assassinate a foreign enemy. It's never real ninja. You get up the war warp wall and you cut off your master's head and give him a finger with tenets. We've taken these three show gun warriors and dropped them into Morocco. Can they take out a diplomat? Oh, he's throwing a shuriken in his face. It's great to just make him do spy shaker. No, who can overthrow a hostile government before?

By only using this side. They're doing one side. They're very happy to use your government on the shelf. Yeah. I try to say you do that. God damn it is hot. Listen. Talking government and have to leave soon. We what the fuck. I just want to pop in a told scoop. I told to tell me how to leave. It's a surprise guest. Yeah. You didn't say fucking temporary surprise guest. Yeah. Why did you just emphasize the word guest as if that would imply? Yeah.

First off, I just want to step in here and just ask corporate Dan, Robert, I just want to apologize because I didn't give Christopher information. But I kind of did. So this is me following on my sword and the main quote really. Did he really, did you tell him?

Well, some mistakes were made, all right? There's a lot of bureaucracy here. You know what I mean? I'm just trying to streamline that. You know, I come from a show like the bonfire where there's just two bureaucracy here. You know what I mean? You're just trying to streamline that. You know, I come from a show like the Bonfire, where there's just two of us. You know, it's just a little workshop thing that we got going on. And there's a lot of cogs, a lot of parts of the machine, you know? You know, it's a workshop. It's just a slapping words around, you know? It's slapping words around. I hate you.

Congratulations on that, by the way. Thanks, man. You're here. It's been a year. Congratulations. Great guest. Well, you were a surprise guest. It's funny because I didn't really get into it,

but I probably took Jay under my wing when I first got here, and then I took this flat nose fucking big head under my wing, and really just to explore. Everybody I met was like, you got a dance soda, a dance soda, a dance soda. I think I still do that to this day, which I really don't need to do He should be he should probably be doing that to me a little bit. I do it all the time But here's the thing you should maybe like trash them to a few people to take it back

Well, no, there's point is Dave can you let me just have this? It's beyond that he they didn't have me neither one of them had me on their show their fucking show Yeah, I hear oh Dude I was mean never you had me on their show. They're fucking show. Yeah. I hear. Oh, dude. I was mean to ever, you weren't on the show. I mean, at least a year. You guys doing the show.

How long did you just say a year? Yeah, you were. We didn't have guests for the first five months. 10 months. I see. Buddy, I didn't listen to me. I'm way more than you. Yeah.

Okay, I knew both of them before you breathed air in New York City. That's not true. I mean, you have it in New York. Yeah, he, I knew both of them before you Breathe air in New York City. Just not true. We have it in New York. He's from 1983 there's nowhere. I'm trying to make a point That was very that was fucking eloquent what I just said no More than any I'm fucking they I knew them before you even thought of fucking telling a setup, punch or a tag. That's true. If I mean for Jay, not tag. What's that? I have no idea.

Great. But also, you know. But you didn't have, they didn't hit me on at all. Listen. It's all wrong. I'm with you. At all! Not a fucking shot.

They have me on the anniversary. And here's the kicker. I finally say, yeah. Christine, the fucking girl, the producer, right? It goes well from Legion of Skate, yeah. She fucking didn't tell me he was at the Village Underground. I went all the way up. Serious.

It's a serious. Oh. I go, I'm here. She goes, where? I go serious. She goes, is it the Village Underground? Did I not tell you? I go,'m here she goes where I go serious because it's a village on the ground Did I not tell you I go no you didn't She said sorry sorry sorry. I'm so sorry. I go if you say sorry again I'm fucking furry, but he brought that energy on at the stage and it was a great show

It's like the Wayne's world to think We got the brown M&Ms and Bobby got on stage and it was a great show. I love that. What we're all here, I just wanted to thank you for having me on your shirt. Absolutely, guys. You had him on? Second episode. What's your name again?

Brendan Ayer. You had fucking Brendan Ayer on. That's a solid book. I can show. Let me ask you this. We've been trying to go through the government of Australia, but they won't let us have him on. Why wasn't I invited on? Okay, you want to break K-Fa right now?

You want to get real? I don't know what that means. We tried to get you on for four months, but you were just busy, and you just couldn't come on our show. You were filming SDR, you were doing other stuff, but for four months we tried getting you on. Okay, what happened? And that's the truth.

America. Dave, you know, Dave was a schedule, Jay hates Dave I had to get them all Just like you no they love each other. Dave. Did Jay not like you? No Jay likes me. I'm sure but it isn't love you Yeah, no me. We all love each other. Yeah, oh look at the pausing You want to let some bucks so bad at you wrote you mother fucking if you did This could be your moment remember we were talking about moments before this could be your mom don't let him ate my Chains on the voicemail already I Get it Dave

You've been scribbling those tiny notes on the bus for a reason to shine I love you and I'm sorry about it being on the show, but I was around the corner I was like hey, I'm so happy you came in. I love you so much. You still taping billions. Yeah, I gotta wake up at 415 And I fly to Ireland to see your people. I'm kidding. You're Australian. What are you doing? And then I fly to Ireland to see your people. I'm thinking you're Australian. What are you doing? Doing the Dublin Comedy Festival with Joe DeRosa shampoo That's my one word in question. Bobby attack me on Twitter man. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be great

I'm gonna be good. I get to wear high. I get to wear a hoodie tomorrow It's fucking 58 degrees there. Thank you Irish people. You're welcome. Are you doing first class? No, I'm economy, baby All right, but I'm right by by one. Does it make you feel better when somebody who's doing well They go you find first-guess now I'm coach He's like, you're not there yet But I'm on next I'm on next at row It really bummed me out one time when I was on a I was on a flight home from a wherever the fuck We were a festival and I was in first class and then I saw Michelle

Wolf getting on and I was like, she's walking right by me but she had first class too, I was like, yeah, we got that for, I was like, come on. I flew to LA for Melbourne, it's like 15 hours direct with the buddy of mine and now I had a whole bunch of points, I bumped up to first class where you get the bed and then, yeah, and I put the pajamas on it got champagne I don't even drink champagne and just walked down the back Just fucking disgusting with everyone Yeah, my buddy's like hey, I'm lost People who matter and my buddy's like I'm fine. I've got a spare seat next to me

And I'm like I've got a bad man Are you guys okay back here? Because I have a bad Like you you could come up here and chat but you're not I'll find it be though if I got if I got bumped up on that and I put the pajamas on and the top doesn't fit Like you guys have double X no, sir. We don't sir. Can you please stop upsetting everyone? Sir, we can bring you two regular size and we can sew them together with gum. Thank you.

Hi, buddy. I love you. I love all of you. I love all of you, individual, but I love you the most, Bobby. And the day of your second, I mean, it's pretty fun. Can you just tell people you love me the most and just walk away? Yeah, I love you the most.

Dave, I love you the second. Listen, man, can you use this? No, sorry. Buddy, I am so sorry. Stop being so... Scoho, you're like fifth, but you know what? I think I'm in the ballpark. I'll take it. Am I gonna get ranked here? It's dude, of course can you be so sorry buddy? I am so sorry. Let's go. You're like fifth, but you know what I think I mean the ballpark. I'll take it. Am I gonna get ranked here? What dude of course you're fucking I think God should be third. Yeah, what's the deal Brendan?

Brendan here. He's like Brendan. There's gonna metal in my love You think I'm on Billion Showtime. I've got a serious show. You think I'm gonna put him third? I'm gonna put him in the national. I need the appeal. What's your... What's your name on Billions? What's your name on Billions?

I'm a fee. Is your name a fee? I'm a fee. I tried giving myself a first name and producer just keeps shooting it down. Well, like, how about Bryce? You know, I can... Bryce, my fee, my fee.

That's pretty good. Bryce is good. I'm trying to go for a good real good. You should be a Bryce. I'm gonna call you Bryce in life. like, how about Bryce? You know, like, Bryce make feet, my feet. That's pretty good. It's pretty dude. Bryce is good. I'm trying to go for good real good. You should be a bright, I'm gonna call you Bryce in life. No, how about you know, I'm gonna Bryce. I prefer if you didn't. Good to see you Bryce. No, I'm gonna call you. You're gonna merge, it says Bryce.

No, that makes no sense. I'm gonna hootie, that says Bryce. Okay, I like hooties though. You're talking to a hootie guy. Um, why do I have to buy a hootie that says Bryce? Yeah, it was a pitch of a name that I had for the show that I went on. Episode 177, if you know what, dude.

I guarantee you, if this fucking coxaco, if he did that, a million chicks would have to write shirts. Hashtag rice. How are you saying? I'm such a lonely man. Buddy, you're not lonely.

Every fucking chick I know wants to bang you, Lauren is fucking, it's literally been sitting difference since you walked in. Out of the peripheral of my eye She's fucking literally Beeping up I'm gonna have to knock on the side of the fucking throat blows on this view

I'm going to start stalking me in the back of the head What the fuck is happening? I was sticking a chest out and... What not? Relax, it's a joke Yeah, she's pepper sprays me Look, I hate him I'm like, ow

Listen, get the fuck, I'm keeping I'll keep you all day I love you buddy. I love you sure too. You're all day. Yes, what you're all day. It's dude named donut glow He's awesome. He's check him out. Make sure they cool wrestling. I want some tell don't I go bad ass phone case That's so great man. Yeah I'm calling on I'm the voice I'm doing Ireland a little taste of that little tip of the cat hey alright real quick We're gonna break right now for two seconds. I'm gonna say goodbye to Dan I want to see it before you take you got to leave it to can you wait two seconds Dan how long have you been cyber?

From alcohol yeah, I spoke a lot of pop three years man If you don't have Guinness in Ireland you're a fucking idiot yeah Guinness in Ireland when I work for Guinness in Ireland and I drank off the fucking all right you've done suck it that's fine buddy welcome back you want to shit off the ledger yeah how long you been sober three years well if you don't have a Guinness in Ireland, you're a fucking retard. You're a life shud grumble. I'm on antibiotics because my prostate swollen from too much booze, but I'll tell you, you better drink and you know,

that would do it. It was a booze. I don't know. I shouldn't say anything. I don't tell it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't tell it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what I'm taking a break it Good tour for me to get out midical with boss Dan you seem walk you sweat Over it you pull guys will be a result of a lot of things He said he's gonna go fucking 19 times. I said the guy who runs the show so we're taking a break You got to have a Guinness and my asshole swollen When I come back, we're gonna do these reads right away. We're gonna go to the chat room And my ass so swollen. There you go, baby. I can take a look at this real quick. When I come back, we're going to do these reads right away.

We're going to go to the chat room. We're going to talk about this fucking Australians ass hall. And thanks, Stanford Stopping, and we'll see you later. We'll be back in two minutes. Go. Yo, what's up? How are you doing? How you doing, all right?

I want to tell you about a couple of sponsors. I discovered a way you can stock up in all the households, items that you love and save time and save money. I use this, I actually use the app. It's amazing. My wife has it on her phone. It's called box.com. Boxed.com.

BOXED.com box.com B-O-X-E-D dot com. I never have any time to do this stuff. Pick up all this other you know scrap. We have a kid. It's just a nightmare. So you never want to waste a half a Saturday. Go into the store and some warehouse club which I'm a member of all of them fighting for parking and you know all this crap and jam pack lines and you want something that's on the top shelf or you ask somebody you know what the hell you're talking about okay it's it's it's an easier way you'll never have to do it again all you have to do is shop at box.com it's amazing it really is box.com delivers bulk. So that means you get a whole big thing a toilet paper

Nappkins you have in barbecues, you know all the stuff in bulk All right, the stuff you use every day toilet paper towel snacks And a ridiculous low price just like the the Costco's and stuff like that without going to these Maniac places. It's like going to home Depot on a Saturday ridiculous with box top comedy can stock up on I can't read this shit with my foot. Where are my glasses? I don't think he came in Did you bring them in? Yeah got him. In my pocket.

I was talking to myself. That's what old people do. Where's my glasses? Where's my wife? I really get read. I got this box.com. You can stock up on any day, at any hour of the time. Anyway, just hit, it's on your phone.

Middle the night, four in the morning. I need toilet paper and push the button. It takes it out of your account and it's on your phone middle of the night for the morning. I need toilet paper and Push the button it takes it out of your account and it's shipped save time save gas save money and the aggravation Of all the warehouse clubs. It's it's just amazing. There's no annual membership fee I paid a hundred bucks for this stupid card that I used one time and I never went back because of all the nightmare it was being there. Alright? And I'll even send you free samples of stuff, which is cool. Stuff that you like is send you stuff so you can check it out just like when you go to these places. The only place I love, Stu Leonard's for groceries, one of those big places. Anyways, okay, and here's the best part. This is the best part.

Did I have the thing in front of it? Yeah, but I changed the other camera. Oh, cause you're a fucking professional. Sorry. Here's the best part. You ready? I want you to love box.com so much. The way I do.

I want you to look. What are you doing? Sorry, it's something. Why? You're at something with a Why? Are you recording what I just said? What was that? Are you watching the show? What it was exactly what you just said. Yeah what else could it have been except watching the show? Look at I this is the thing I made a deal with them I want you to love box just as much as I do so I've lost in the show. Look, this is the thing. I made a deal with them. I want you to love box just as much as I do. So I've arranged for all my listeners to save not 10%, not 15%, 20% and get free shipping on your first order.

So go in, load up all the stuff you want. Sign up, get the app, load up, 20% off free shipping, first order. Just go to box.com. Enter code dude, that's it dude, d-u-d-e, that's box.com, promo code dude, box.com, promo code dude, go there right now. It's amazing, especially your single guys The fucking All right He should have a Guinness now you make me lose my temper while I was doing a read no cuz there's some guy I don't care. I don't care of some guy

You know what guy care of box calm. That's all I care about What he bet me money so I was gonna get you money on he goes out bet 500 bucks. I can beat scope on a roast battle So I said I'll go I'll fucking roast To do with my sponsor my sponsor for the show that's money when that chick comes in you get some of it with 250 with you I don't want your money. I want you to shut up during my read apologize to box.com box.com no very sorry I want to legit a pog look at the camera my on yeah of course you're on it's deep who he doesn't fuck up it's like a robot from India box.com a very truly sorry. Thank you. Carl Tim still wants it. I'll get it. Box.com. I'm very sorry.

They got it. What did you say? He wants to battle me. I'll tell you. We stop mentioning battles. battle you two didn't battle that was a fight That was a small dispute You rose disputes we went so easy on each other. I know your hair is pulling I yeah, no, I really do I really I do you You talk to the dispute line for the next time judge by the way that's a good one to have yeah, thank you I will But I really do use this box.com. And the reason why I mentioned it because comics,

you guys all live together, you share apartments, and just go get this, load up on toilet paper, all those little knickknacks, they have everything. I'm of all the podcasts that I do, and where there's like a read in the middle. I said, when you said 20% off that, I was like, that's pretty fucking good deal. It's a real good deal I'm actually looking at the they've hooked my listeners up 20% and free shipping First order so go load up

It's it's great because it's saving one in the morning. Oh, I forgot to get coffee I forgot toilet paper. We need to pull them hit the button two days later on your doorstep unbelievable. Here's another great Casper. Okay, is a sleep brand that created one perfect mattress sold directly to the customers, eliminating commission driven inflated prices. Its award-winning sleep surface was developed in-house, has a sleep design, and it delivers in a very small package.

How they do that, size box, in addition to the mattress, Casper also offers an adaptive pillow and soft breathable sheets. So the mattress I got, it's great. It shows up in this little tiny box, you slice it open, bang, kink, size bed just pops out of it. And they have sleep sheets and pillows

that are unbelievably comfortable. They keep you cool. The pillow case, it's just they're unbelievable for sleeping. The older you get the more important sleep becomes, believe it or not. The mattress industry has forced consumers into paying the touristy high markups. You go to Macy's or are these sleepies? It's like buying a used car. They run over to you and they keep pushing you and put you on the hotel. If you want to and all of a sudden you're buying a $1,200, $2,000 mattress and it's garbage. It's garbage.

Casper's revolutionary. The revolution, what are you laughing at? It was fun. You said Italian. It was very Italian sign like it's garbage. Did I stop it? Did I stop it? I thought I'd come out to my arm.

Garbage. Garbage? I'll do it like a hipster. my step-down childhood just came back and waves I really mean it the fact that but like the way you do plugs is just tearing down other business Yeah, just getting angry here Don't swear my read first of all everybody settled down before you I have to throw this read out because you guys They settled down before you I have to throw this read out because you guys key you guys It's so used to doing your dumb podcast series. Oh, we see it with everyone. No apologies Well, it was an apology coming because cash could pay me money and they sent me a free mattress that I love

All right now I got to apologize to this once Sorry to Casper Phenomenal mattress the best of the business. It really is. I'm telling you Casper is a phenomenal mattress. The best of the business. It really is. I'm telling you, okay? Casper is revolutionizing the mattress and is by cutting the costs of dealing with resellers

and showrooms and passing the savings right to you guys. Under a thousand bucks you get a King mattress. In-house team of engineers spent thousands of hours developing Casper. It combines springy latex supportive memory foam with a sleep service that's got, just get the right sink and the right bounce. It's nice. Plus, it's breathable.

So it's cool. It keeps you nice and cool at night. Designed sleeps, it sleeps cool. It regulates your body temperature through the night. mattress, they can, $1500 from pay for a mattress. That's not even for a king. But Casper's mattresses cost 500 bucks for a twin size. Mattress, 600 bucks, twin XL, 750 for a full,

850 for a queen, 950, king size bed. On $1,000 you get a king bed. Buying a Casper mattress is a completely risk-free. Here's what I love about it. Casper offers free delivery and free return. If you don't like it, boom! Send it back within 100 nights. 100 nights you get to sleep on it.

That's weird. But if I got it for 100 nights, you'd have to burn that mattress. 100 night home trial. If you don't love it, they'll pick it up. And they mean love it. You have to love it. If you don't love it, they'll pick it up, and they mean love it. You have to love it. If you don't like it, they'll come and get it.

They'll pick it up, refund everything. Casper understands the importance of truly sleeping on a mattress before you commit, especially considering you're only going to spend a 30-year life on it, okay? Casper is obsessively engineered mattress at a shockingly fair price. Unbelievable. You're going to love it. You should all get one. You want one? I got one. I don't know if they shipped to Australia. I'm going to find out. Yeah, you're right. They don't. Yeah.

They might. You never know. It combines springy latex supportive memory foam and create its award-winning sleep surface with just the right sink and just the right bounce. Time magazine named it one of the best inventions of 2015. In fact, it's now the most awarded mattress company of the decade. Free shipping, air returns, US and Canada. So you're right, you can't get it. Try Casper 100 nights, risk free. It's at your home. If you don't love it, they'll pick it up, refund everything, made in America, baby. I do love hearing that. I love that it's made right here. Somebody's got a job. Some Mexican guys got a job in a warehouse. Right here in America.

You want to make sure that Mexican has a job in America rather than in Mexico. That's a problem. All right, well, I didn't say that. I tried to follow. Listen, here's the best part. Get $50 off towards any mattress purchased by visiting Casper.com slash dude using code word dude.

That's the promo code. Terms and conditions may apply. So you get $ bucks off. So 900 bucks you get a king size mattress in America made by Americans American company good for you Casper. Here we go and you guys we're gonna be doing a live show. August 30th creeps with kids hosted by Ron Bennington me Jim Flaurantine, Bonnie McFarlane and Lewis Shay Gomez were doing stand up and then were doing a panel about parenting. The panel is hosted by Ron Bennington. It's at the Village Underground

tickets on sale right now, ComedyCellar.com, and that is going behind the pay wall for premium members only. So if you don't get it, you have to be a member. And how do you become a member? iPhone, Android, go get the app, the YKWD podcast. Go download it. Sign up. $199 a month. That's it. Number one, you're supporting the show for under $2 a month. Number two, you get premium content. I'm going to be doing one on ones coming up. They're all going behind the paywall. I just did one with scope. I'm going to be doing one with Colin. I'm going to do, I'm going to be doing all these, they're all going behind the paywall. People who have been the member of the paywall, it's a little slow. We're getting it off the ground. You guys support in our show. Go

sign up now. Become a premium member. You know what, dude. Go do it, get the app, sign up, and you guys are gonna get the creeps with kids, and a bunch of other things coming up. What else? You can follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at YKWD Podcast. Thank you. I saw it, so you wanna get the email.

Thank you, you really did. Pump in for the social media. Lauren, you're Mike on? Yes. I mean, I can't yell because she's got me. What? You want to become, you want to sit on the show, you want to hang out with us, YKWD producer at rycast.com.

If you want to send in any cool gifts or anything, go to one seven email, mail one 17 McDougal Street care of Robert Kelly or YKWD podcast I got a question about guests. How do you do a background check on these people? Well, they start and goes hey, would you Would you kill would you hit a nun? Not I'd never do that. Are you good? Hey, you respect your mama? Does your mother cook a sauce? Yeah, she's not all right, so I feel safe. That's good Did your mother cook a sauce? Yeah, she's not.

All right, so I feel safe, that's good. Yeah, some of them, fuck it. Yeah, that's who they're going to come after, Deepu, you. Yeah. Well, let's take out the sound guy. Let's take out the guy that looks just like me. This is like when all our bloody bodies are on the floor. It's like with his gun, just motions to the door.

Yeah, you're good. You're good. So anyways, I do, you know, I'm not a political guy. I'm really, you know, I don't, you know, I'm not, that's not my thing, but I have been very interested in this year in the, the presidential race. It's hard not to be this time, right? Well, it's just fucking crazy. in the uh... the presidential race it's hard not to be this time right?

well it's just fucking crazy it's it's i don't believe it's real it's it's i've seen it in movies i've seen this guy in movies like this scenario has been written where a guy just says whatever the fuck he wants it works it's a boar yeah it's shitty

Warren baby he really it's it's fun and the whole way everybody democrats and republics and going he he he's doing good now but that's all gonna fall apart when blah blah blah happens and I'm like okay and then that I'm still there they've been saying for eight

months they've been saying for eight months and it's all relentless. Every time you turn on the news, they're laughing about it. This is it for Trump. Like, they're still doing it. They'll be doing it this week, and then he goes up in the polls again. And then he's beating Hillary again the way. Oh, his convention's gonna be a shit show.

And then his convention comes and he goes up in the polls. And then they're convention, she's getting fucking booed. At her convention, it's crazy dude. She's getting booed because... her convention. It's crazy, dude. She's getting booed because. Are Bernie fucking stole that shit? Well, I mean, this game, you know, it's pretty, what's it name, Debbie? Wasserman Shul.

Wasserman Shults. You know, she fucking, they fucked Bernie out of his, I mean, we don't know, look, she, she, we don't know if he was gonna win anyways. Right? Sure. But what you know basically is that he never had a chance. No, it was rigged against him from the beginning. So, no, it's not that like, oh, it's not like they stole it from like he won and they stole it. But they just in the sense like, they all bullshit it. They were like, we're remaining neutral and they weren't. They were all working for her. And also, even if he had won, she would still get it. the super delegates would still pick her and said so it's all it's all

rigged game it's all a rigged game she did they wanted a woman president they wanted her they wanted to clean yeah they want to clean yeah i tell you who who who uh... who looked i hope gets into the politics i hope he comes to senator michelle obama you know she's fantastic holy shit that you give a speech and not only that but she came up i mean you see what happens to our silverman and uh... al franken explain because some people are okay so but so it's the first time the convention is

Bernie Sanders is speaking right it's kind of like the Bernie Sanders people night and the worst thing that could happen to hillary clinton is this email thing coming up which is back up a little bit yes let's explain this because the email thing when you say that they're assuming you mean the FBI, you may all think about it. No, no, no, no, no.

It's a whole thing. Okay, WikiLeaks, WikiLeaks, but they're saying that Donald Trump and Putin were in on it, that the Russians, let's just say the Russians, because it sounds sexy. I know, but it sounds sexy. It sounds sexy, the Russians. I like that the Russians, like the whole world is, the Soviet, the Iron Curtain was curtain was involved Soviet are back to the old trick The there's no way they have that technology Rocky there's no way there is no way they have awesome phones and email systems

Well, what happens is that they supposedly somebody wiki leaks got these emails Senate to Putin on a message in j twenty thousand emails they have more they're actually threatened in to ruin her her her campaign that will take her down there but i think that's bullshit to but they have these emails that the

you know it's it's the democratic uh... national committee yes there are a bunch of emails from them and so right so they got hacked the dnc got hacked and then like a month later like this them and so right so they got hacked the DNC got hacked and then like a month later Like this came out as news that they got hacked and it's speculated that it was Russia who did it But then it came out that wiki leaks has them they were right what Hillary's going into the convention and her biggest goal Is to try to get the Bernie people to support her now so the worst thing that could happen is it just coming out in the convention That all the DNC people who are supposed to remain neutral. We're all in the tank for Hillary. So all the Bernie people are like, are worst, you know,

And they're the worst. But they're the worst. They're crazy hippies. Yes, crazy hippies. Crazy democratic socials. Some of them are like, have their heart in the right place or whatever. But so they go up and now Sarah Silverman who's been a big Bernie supporter. She's been out there like one of the people leading the charge. And she's and so she comes out and it kind of gives a speech where she's like she

starts by going like you know I was always a Bernie supporter and like yeah. And she's like he did some great things and she goes but now I'm gonna support Hillary Clinton and she starts getting booze and the crowd turns and she tries to get these jokes off that she's doing but she just can't because it's chaos and then she's like whatever just bring out Paul Simon. There's a sound issue. Paul Simon came out, nailed it and he brought it together. But no she actually called, she said she looked at the burnt, oh that's right, well she

called it out. She looked at the Bernie supporters, there's a certain name for him what does it call she said you Bernie or bust people Bernie of bust people are being ridiculous and then that got cheers from the Hillary people then that's from the Bernie people yeah but hit but they even CNN now is fucking ridiculous because you can't hear the booze you know and they really not calling them out but if you're watching Fox you're like they're booing But it's it was fucking nuts, but so then this is so this is the

Division within each party. I've never seen this before. No, for the way. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Guys, I know 10% of politics. I know. He gets it, he gets it, absolutely right. He gets it, present to that. Here's an Advil, because you're head must hurt. I'm actually thinking of that. Dude, this is what's so fascinating about this year's race,

is that everyone's fed up with the system. So Trump ran on a platform of like, fuck the bushes. And then Mitt Romney, the last Republican nominee, came out and was like, anyone but Trump and all the voters are like, fuck you guys, we're with Trump. And then at this convention, like people are fed up with their own party. You know, weird way. How the fuck? Okay. Here's great. I think. Here's a deal though. You got Bernie and he came out last night. He came out and gave. He gave an amazing speech. Well, that's i would just want to just where you say

that just because when you started by saying michelle obama was so what was so amazing is they were all fighting with each other and then michelle obama comes out and she was almost like this figure that like the bernie people liked her and the hillary people liked her and then she just gave this speech that you're like however you feel about the obamas i mean god jammer their speech giving ability. She's fucking psyched up on her. She fucking came out and made it about children. She made it about children.

So what she did, first thing she did, was made everybody with the kid go, I relate to this. And then the ballsy-as-fucking-move I've ever seen in a speech, I live in a house as a black woman that slaves built. And everybody took a breath. I watched that and went, oh, boy. And then she went, and my children play on that front lawn. She goes, too young, intelligent black girls, you know, are playing on that lawn. And it was, it was a beautiful moment. That was like, she got everyone together. That was it.

Epic. It's like, we're not not and then she goes wait then she goes America is not Fucked up. It's the best it's ever been it's ever been with a best and it was like you know what? Because they do get you we need to restore America we need you know what we we have problems again We're still the best mother-of-the-country in the world. There's nowhere else I would want to live We have to rebuild this military Denmark. I love it Denmark And yeah, it's what we just I'd still rather be an Amsterdam I'd be an ass You would you can you have enough money you could You could go to any of these places if you want to do I've been doing I'm just naming place

I know you want to come back. You want America listen man I look of course I love America. I do a love, but I love her speech It was like she made that point. It's like you know what we are that's I've been seeing this the whole time because people say we're fucked up or cops If I'm wait a minute guys a black guy is president and there's a woman about to be president What what we haven't made fucking we haven't made headway don't want my be president but but you know how to use a good way of slaves

oh it's incredible it's amazing what what like america's like come from and you could it too you could drink from the same fountain and women couldn't vote not that long ago now there's a black president and there's a woman about to be president. And that's what was brilliant about Michelle Obama making it from the perspective of two like little black girls or like that's just like you said it's like if you're a

parent or just anyone who's a decent person just looks at that and you go fuck whatever you think about politics. That's pretty fucking cool. That like some little black girls could have that kind of. She want to get into politics into I hope she does I don't think she does because it I can see Hillary losing and then four years now she become the she's been very kind of a political as a first lady like he was more political than her like she would just do shit like like he's you know like it wasn't like

but Hillary Clinton should get on our fucking knees and thank Michelle but because Michelle Obama saved that night from the disaster that it looked like it was gonna be for Hillary. Like it was just everyone on each other's throws and then Michelle kind of got them all. She saved the whole thing. She really turned around because that convention was turning on itself.

Turning on itself, it was a fucking nightmare. And then Bernie gave us three times. I was watching today with Bernie winning some states with the delegates. Oh, that shit All that shit doesn't matter that she's gonna hear that shit until it's over and then we're gonna, you know Hillary's gonna be president. Did it happen for Trump though? I don't I didn't watch that Trump I mean there was no one like still actively campaigning once they got to the RNC like Bernie will win a few but Hillary's officially the nominee. Like I just see that. She's, she what, she's the official nominee.

It's over. She's, she's gonna be better. But I've never seen another, I've never seen another person win. I really don't think so either. You think Trump's gonna win. Yeah. Now from Australia, Australia's perspective.

Yeah. What do you think if Trump wins the election and becomes our president? Oh, it's a fucking nightmare. Really? Yeah. Why is it a nightmare? That's just not good for anyone really. Like, it's just even further right than...

Man, I'm from a place where there's free healthcare, free schools, no guns. It's fucking awesome. I understand though, there's only 23 million of us versus 330 million, but anybody that's going further that way, it's like, fuck, they can't be good. But actually, also, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Trunk business is a far right.

He's like an untraditional candidate. He's actually said he's kind of for government health care and stuff like that. He's kind of liberal. He's a little left. He's a very strange candidate. Both of you, he goes back and forth with some stuff. I still don't fully believe that he wants to do the job of president. I think he wants to win,

but I don't think he has it in it. No, he wants to do it. He's like a day business of being president. He's like a comic with a like a part, like an acting role. We don't, we just want to know we got it, but we don't want to get it. Yeah, that's what I know. Dude, you got it. Alright, cool, man, give it to somebody else. I gotta go do, I'm gonna do the punchline The San friend this weekend and then Pence is horrible Pence is terrible and I feel like Trump's got to have a higher odds of not finishing that fucking guy I'm with anyone in recent history. I'm waiting for that guy to one reason or another okay, you go I'm waiting he has like fucking pauses for one reason It could happen

For one reason it could happen Your voice actually over You have a great radio voice too and again Yeah, I love the jokes not gonna work now, so I'm not I'm not stupid to and a nice fucking joke I was trying to sneak in and fuck and clock sucker I'll get it back in. I just think the Trump Pence team is frightening visually. To see these guys, and to be like, oh my God, there's something negative about them. I agree with that, but I think the same thing

about Hillary, man, I mean, I think that's a big problem she has, look, forget all politics and shit like whatever your beliefs are. She is not like Obama is this charming guy and like Bill Clinton was this charming guy. They're just like these very, they come off very intelligent and like warm and even George W. Bush was able to win that like you want to have a beer with him thing. And Hillary Clinton just has none of the, she is this stiff. Like I'm sure behind the scenes she's good at making deals with all the criminals But when it comes to fucking like facing people whoo, you know, she's I mean look she's been on SNL

She makes fun of herself. I don't think she's as fucked up as you're saying. I don't think she I Sinterkiv a speech dude. I of course it's rough. It's rough because I don't think she's great She doesn't give great speeches, but I think she's actually on talk shows I've seen her, she's pretty funny. She's, you know, she can take a hit, she can make fun of herself. I don't know, I don't know. Do you think it's a little of our massage-inistic? No, I really don't. Do you think it's in us as guys to be-

I think it's the opposite. I think it's 100% the opposite. I think if she was a man with this level of charisma, there's no chance She would be at this place because she's a woman that people go like oh take no look Obama I think every president's a fucking criminal. I think they should all be in jail Obama is the most charming most gifted orator. I've ever seen in my life. She's none of that like it's not it's not a male Female thing and then we're gonna win What the fuck is that? She really does.

She sucks. She really does. She screams. She just goes bald. And her fucking sleeves are too short. Her fucking little fat arm. She's like a yellow pencil or something. It really, whiff. I mean, whiff. What's gonna happen? She's gonna come in. We're gonna be fucked. We're gonna find out're gonna we she's gonna come in we're gonna

be fucked we're gonna find out all the shit she does behind the scenes four years later hopefully it's not eight is anyone like out there that could be good four years later I don't know man it's hard to say why it's junior I mean that guy there's there's not Donald junior what's the other one that's the one they think is gonna run he gave a great speech He had a lot of charisma. Good looking guy. Well, that is, and also I want to ask your opinion about this because you're as a father. I do think there's something impressive. Say whatever you will about Trump. And he comes off like a bumbling moron. But do you see, like as a

father, when you see like his kids, they're all adults. They're all very successful. They're all very intelligent. I know they're a little plasticky looking, but they're all adults. They're all very successful. They're all very intelligent I know they're a little plasticky looking but they're all very sensible and they love their fucking dad Like they come at me. It's a little creepy. I mean It's really love it. I got eight billion dollars. I love my father a lot Yeah, but that's no, but I feel like that's all the more First of all that money that money I think a little garbage That's why it is four billion dollars. Whatever. I don't think it's that either by the three hundred million Yeah, yeah, there were that's why he a lot of people think that's why it is $4 billion. I don't think it's that either by the way. The 300 million. Yeah. Yeah. That's why he a lot of people think that's why he.

Why did I see his finances? We're saying he's talking. Let him talk. There's people that have seen his finances. The guy who wrote his book has seen his finances and said that's one of the main reasons he doesn't want to release his taxes. Yeah. First of all, because he's always done some sort of shady business deal. He's a landlord, you know? That's a developer. That's the Lewis Gomez fucking. How many listeners does he really have?

Do we got dirty Joe List and fucking Tuesdays with stories. But there's 70 million people listening to him. You have fucking 10,000 still to fall. It's relaxed. But the rumor is he may be be worth personally worth a lot less than he's always sort of represent Oh, yeah, I don't think he is man. Yeah, I mean you even look at his fucking golf courses. It's kind of shit They're not that great. He's not that great. Then why would he want a job that he takes makes 400 grand Who's gonna run his company? Are you kidding? You don't really know why the fucking I know I know why he wants if you want more money money

What he wanted so here's what you do is when you're president, right? It's like taking a pay cut for four to eight years and then caching out a hundred times What you're about you see what Bill Clinton does do? Obviously Bill Clinton has made so much money the clums together. They don't want to be president They don't want to be president. They want to be express. Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. I think I said he makes 250 a speech literally Yeah, I'm more than I mean there's the way but the biggest ones are like 750 or something like that Yeah, they're going up there. She does the same thing dude. They've given but are you I think I think Trump loves the fame He loves the power. He loves fucking being and being the man. Yeah, but he don't get something being the man

Dude, he talked about hairspray I mean look at he goes he goes three times. times. Oh, he goes that you know hairspray They said well, so you mean to tell me if I'm spraying you can't a hairspray You know the good stuff not the stuff that you should now because that's not good the good stuff the old stuff If I'm spraying that in my apartment, where's it going? It's going up. It's going up And those are there huh That's garbage it's like That logic that logic it's like every fart. He's ever done in his house that's still in there

It's still just moving around like it doesn't dissipate Fucking I mean dude fucking Christy. He finally did pick his hair up and showed us that it's his hair At least we got that. I've anything. Is that in the Constitution? President has the show. Well, I don't want to fucking wonder that for years. You know what I mean?

Is that his fucking hair? See, you know, see it fly off when he's getting off air force one. But it flies off on Russian soil. There's something so amazing to me that it's like, and I like, I do like a lot of gigs at like Fox News. So I've met like some of these people who are real insiders and run campaigns and stuff, just like brief conversations,

but there are all these people, it's a whole industry of people who make millions and millions of dollars to advise politicians on what they're supposed to do, you do this, and Donald Trump has done everything that none of them would have ever told a puff. Like, if they mention our John McCain's,

a prisoner of war, make sure you tell him that you know, you like winners, not people who lose at war. Like, if they, if they mentioned how John McCain's a prisoner of war, make sure you tell him that, you know, you, you like winners, not people who lose at war. Like he said shit. It's like, no one would have ever done it. But he does it. And then the voters respect him for being like, you're the guy who's not handled.

Everyone else is like clearly like been prepped and told to say this. Oh, he's getting handled now though. Well, the trying. Oh, he, no, he's doing. His speech was fucking. Yeah, that was, that was more. He was fucking handled. Teleprompter reading. Body, he's no he's doing his speech was fucking yeah that was that was more he was fucking hailed teleprompter reading buddy he's he's

getting he's actually changing they don't want me to say Muslims the same Muslims anymore he's he's he's getting whipped in the ship now that it's getting fucking real I feel like he's getting a little he's getting whipped in the shape a little bit yeah he has to be more presidential well i he's up in the polls man i know he's up in the polls because he fucking they the wiki i mean somebody broke in i mean what if they did that to him you know that they find something on him oh he has so many like past mafia deals i've heard

what's really crazy is all of his stuff even stuff that's public is worse than the stuff that comes out about Hillary But it just it rolls off his back because he just doesn't apologize He refuses to admit he's wrong the other nothing happens. Yeah, look the other thing is that if you found emails out of the RNC You'd probably find a conspiracy trying to keep Trump from winning like He was trying to just trying to crush him and there were just he was up by so much that we can't steal it from him. Dude, they actually said they go,

look, this is, they basically said that. He was like, this is legit. This is, we actually ran this. Didn't they say that'd be right? It's or something, if he didn't get chosen. Like he... Well, that was a threat when they were trying to steal it from him. He was letting them know.

Because technically they could have stole it from... You know technically it's like they could have. It's just a matter of how upset people will get. So that was him being like, you guys better not fucking try to steal this from me. That's a weird about a boat sides don't want him. Well that's another part of why his people like it so much. Yeah, fuck it. He's just an everyone all. Yeah, yeah. I also think, oh, go ahead, mother.

No, do you like him? No, I don't like him. Do you like him, Dave? I do. As far as the Trump campaign, I really like a lot. But I know overall, I think he's kind of scary and, and so if I, but look, no, I think he called out. He, it's pretty amazing that he goes, uh, he goes, hey,

Bush lied us into 9.11. We shouldn't have fought any of these wars. We've wasted trillions of dollars. Like this is bullshit These that everyone's bought and paid for like he does Kind of but now he's got but now he's saying we're gonna fucking handle ISIS We're gonna end the war and then he comes He's fucking saying the other thing, but what's cool. I like there being a wild car

I like there's a lot of shit that's pointed out that never would have been pointed out if it wasn't for Trump But he's just wouldn't come up, but he's saying things that can't be done too. Oh yeah, a lot of that. His tax thing is his tax plan is basically four people are going to pay less taxes. Also rich people are going to pay less less taxes. Like yeah, of course people are going to go for that. We're going to be trillions of dollars in debt. You can't just lower everyone's taxes. Look Obama have a talk about it. I actually look at Obama specifically said, and he campaigns so explicitly. Like the same way when he said, if you like your health care plan,

you can keep Obama said, he goes, let me be clear, it's over and over again. If you make less than $250,000 a year, you will not see a tax increase, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains tax, not your income tax, and dude, I mean, he hit everybody with big tax increases. The payroll tax went up.

They said that his, that Obamacare thing is, is a tax. That's what the Supreme Court said. So he, they're all foolish. And you're right about that. You're right about that. But his, what he was saying was possible. Because he was basically saying, he didn't follow through on it, but he was saying we're going to keep people making under a certain amount.

Our attacks are going to freeze and rich people are going to make up the difference. Trump is just saying everyone's taxes are going to come down to the bottom. I think we could do that. We're going to go to the chat real quick. What do you got people? We got a question for Dave. Someone says, would you be surprised if you found out that the RNC made it impossible for Ron Paul to to win the same way they kind of set up Bernie Sanders. Well they did.

You can go look that shit up but in 2012 they changed some rules to make it harder for Ron Paul to get in. They'll always do that. Yeah, they always protect their guys. That's the way it works. It's a gang. But I love how people are going like this. This is what's making me laugh.

People are going, dude, it's rigged. Like people in the news are going, it's rigged. Are you fucking, yes! It's been rigged forever. But that separates something just in people, like just what type of person you are. Like, were you the person who believed in this, like, they're all probably good guys in there

who are helping us out? You know, you're like, yeah, they're the fucking rulers. Like, this is what they do. They're, what else you got uh... someone said that joder was a probably thinks hillary is hot because that uh... the contrarian ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the dresses, man, you know, I like that hip-siri look, you know, I bought my girlfriend one of those dresses. You're absolutely right, that's funny. What else you got? A mountain of nothing.

So I asked the Australian guy what he thinks of Pauline Hanson. Oh, fuck, she's brutal. So Pauline Hanson is a senator, a part of a political party called One Nation, which is like, fuck, and white people, that's it. Everybody else fucking hit the bricks, And she got voted back in. Do I get some more information on this? Yeah, you can give a fire. Early light, no, I'm saying like,

is that net or order? Or, no, or barbed. No, dot com dot AU. That's her. Look, that's why that's the more I like. And she got voted back in. Jodie Rosa would fuck this shit up. Look at that.

I think she, I think she opened for me in Denver. If you say the word Halal, Nero, she fuck and freaks out. Why? Oh, because she just thinks it's more. She's never had Halal put that. Definitely. Oh, she thinks why? Halal is terrorism and sharia law.

No wait, no, no, no, no, no. And she got voted back in in Queensland, which is like, Alphore. Sharia law is bad. Huh? Yes. It's bad. But she just hears Halal food and thinks she's actually advocating no masks.

That's a little bit beyond a serial law. She looks like a bartender and a voter ocarina. But she's in for her. She's in for her. What is Halal certification? Do you know? Well, it's just the way that the food's prepared. I know what Halal certification? Do you know? Well, it's just the wine that the foods prepared. I know what Halal made. No. Yeah, it's the same as coach go to the Indian.

The guy who obviously knows Halal meat is the way they prepare it is they they bleed the animal out slowly because the animal She's the one here. She's a signal for why okay Yeah, but apparently if you bleed the animal up slowly, the meat stays more tender. If you leave the blood in, it starts as, so what is hollow? Cawagula. But it's not just an up, something.

It's not just a tender, it's a religious thing. Yeah, I mean, it's the Muslim version of kosher. It's right here in a certain way. So she says, she says, She hates like, somebody bought out. What did that say again? She was like, she'll never have anything hello. So no more masks Shrela I do agree with everyone agrees we shouldn't have Shrela, but there isn't any industry earlier in it. I don't know about that

I'll last certification. What do you mean you don't know? You can't even love her. Okay But I will throw a wrong woman once in a while. I rock her just for that top and Shrela What is her last sort of be like? It would actually bounce off her chicken cutlets in those fucking brah. She's a bee cup. That's what she was in a cup.

She's a bee cup. Can you just wait for me? Yeah, wait for me. Get in my period. Please ovulate. She's stressed. You're getting your period down. They come up, yeah.

I'm a little nervous. Come up with blood. You come out in public when you have that thing. You're gonna get attacked by a bear. Yeah. You're gonna get us all killed have that thing. You're gonna get attacked by a bear. Yeah. You're gonna get us all killed by that bear. Do you bleed out slowly? Hello, stop. Fucking gay Harry guy in these villages gonna attack you. That I'm not, but I'm bomb. I mean, I mean, yeah, so I'm pulling hands and

rush. I'm okay. She's raises, but you know, I mean, oh, no, I meant she's like, in these times though, I mean, someone says, you know, Sharia law, mosques, all this stuff, you get fucking scared, man. You know, you get scared. I don't know any, I don't know any Muslims.

I know very few Muslims. I, but I know, know them like I know Protestants or Jewish or Catholic or you know I I know they they're just the new Commanding I don't know any of are you Muslim? No, what are you seek? Seek and you shall find yeah, seek brah. So I don't I don't know any so that's the ignorance of it That's the ignorance of it. Yeah, I don't know it and I also know is bad things about it Well, but there's I think I mean by the news. I think America is a lot better off like American Muslims

I think actually like integrate a lot more than they sit like in Europe They have like a big problem with like these Muslims that are very kind of separate cultures Well, yeah in France, there's no like any there's no you're not allowed to wear any over the top religious wear So they don't want big crosses though nothing and if anyone complains they're like shut the fuck up I like I actually like that in France you know over the top religious shit Now but it's like that too in a way, but we're we're just not very religious. We're like one of the highest atheists Yeah, that's why you're bastard people when you put you on an island in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, she almost makes a good point.

The second best country in the world behind the Netherlands. Second best country in the world. You know, who made that? Who made that? Who made that? Who made that? Who made that? Who made that?

Who made that? Who made that? Who made that? Who made that? Who made that? Who made that? Who made that? What is the one that live a bit? Three list. No, they've got a live ability. It's a live ability. But, first of all, they're going to pick you because they don't give a fuck about you. Yeah, they don't see all numbers and a lot of spice. Yeah, they put like fucking shine on their human rights commission or whatever. Fuck the UN. Yeah.

What do they know about it? You chopping dogs heads off as we speak. I'm not even looking at you when I give you the book. Yeah, that one. Because your enthusiasm made my stomach... The charts. The charts. So you were just looking at me with all the disgust you have

from scoping. I just had to eat all of it. I was even talking about the dog festival. I just... He's talking about the dog festival? Yeah, I don't know, but he was so happy he might have had a good one. No, I just... I don't want to be a dog. I don't want but his and he was so happy he might have had a good No, I don't move it get dogs

Um anyways, I don't know this fucking it's crazy. It's crazy And now when Trump gets in I'm I'm sure a lot of Democrats are gonna be surprised at how left he is I don't think that he's as right as People are making him out to be I think he's just a show-boter I think he's a he's people are making him out to be. I think he's just a show voter. I think he's a fucking actor and all this shit. I mean, dude, my hair spray. I mean, my hair. He's a fucking Tony Manero.

He hit my hair. He hit my hair. I spent a lot of time on, I don't care about the old Zoon Lea. And, you know, I don't know, man. I just, I mean, I'm not voting. That's what happened. I voted for Obama. He inspired me.

His horse shit worked. He inspired me, man. I voted for him twice. He got me out. I actually voted for other things too, because of him. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, I'm scared again. I'm going back into my house. I'm wearing about my I'm going back into my house. I'm wearing

about my world and not the world. Make sure I raise a good person that doesn't fucking fuck with people and doesn't hurt people and help people. And he knows how to feel dressed small animals to live and survive. So in this world, fuck. Collapses on itself, my kid will be out there living in the lean to Supplying his family with protein as long as the lights orange, huh as long as the lights orange on his clock No, we don't get it got forbid something happens to you and the and the lights stays orange and he's stuck in his bed forever Could you have log Finally 18 with a beard

You have a Pavlov ball. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don the morning, he still calls for us if something's wrong. Like, my dad, and we go to him, he doesn't just get up and come into our bed. I have fucking friends of mine who let their kids sleep in their bed. Three year olds, five year olds. And it doesn't matter. It does fucking matter. It does matter. You got your kid, he has fucking, you know, uh,

waitress hours. Fucking idiot. You know what I mean? My kid wakes up in the morning ready for school or whatever. He goes to camp and he comes home takes a fucking nap. You know, you get your kid up at 11 30 at night fucking watching, you know, MSNBC. Fuck, you know, sucking on his fucking thumb ya moron Mike you know is there someone in particular you're talking about your it's kid

no other people's kids is this moron kid that he knows no other people's kids you know other people I know I know that people have a thing when you have to like have your kid interact with other kids in the kids suck like those parents suck or the kids like that I've seen that before. They're just like kids who don't respond.

I can't deal with that. My kid, let me tell you, you know who I hate worse? That fucking idiot father. Who taught his kid that? That's learned. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. My kid, my kid Max at the in a rubah would walk up to everybody.

Hi, I'm Max. What's your name? He saw, dude, smoking hot chicks on a float. He went over and went on the float in between them. It was like, hey. No. And they were like, oh, you know, I mean, he would walk up to, he had a kid.

He had what? No, no, no, no, something text me. I wanted to look at it. Yeah, can you keep your fucking, I don't care. I wonder if I have I have a spot. I don't care I have a spot and they don't I don't care It's mom doing a show and I don't need to hear you're huffing and puffing about your fucking puff and puff Chris while Bobby tells us next story could you play the live stream on your phone? I'm just right into the mic

God damn it fucking pixas phono This was Chris did this was what I heard I'm not only checking your phone, but you're reacting Oh, this is what Chris did. This is what I heard. Uh... TEE, Bob. I'm just sort of sigh in my headphones through a fucking microphone. Bob, Bob. It's my producer. Bob. My apologize. That was good.

You gave the political apology. Yeah, he did. I want to fucking break his fat scope off of Bob. Anyways, well, I don't even know what I'm saying now. Now, I'm just thinking about your son walking with walking with the beach. He's a big bitch. Walked up to everybody. Would he walk up to Muslims? That's the question.

He walked up, yes. Really? Absolutely. Walked up to anybody. It doesn't care. Which I love. I love it. It worked black girls, black, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh you know, whatever they were Indian or a lot of Indians at the pool. A lot of Indians. A lot of men. A lot of Indians at the pool and a lot of fans. They were the ones who

were regular because they love Louis. Indians love Louis. Asian people love Louis show. But there was one dude, fucking I don't know what two kids my max walks over them say Ignored my kid ignored him. Just wouldn't even fucking talk to other kids a little boy max is aging a girl and the two parents It was like they want and then the father Ignored max So I walked over. Hey, sorry. Come on max. Let's go. I had to go go Max. He's like, I don't know, I want to be here. I want to play with this kid. I was like, Max, we got to go. They want to, they don't, you know,

how do you tell a fucking trance? These, these, can't fucking snob, can't, from in the middle of the fucking, can't fucking where it's fucking cheap to live. Yeah, that's what's insane is that the dad does. I don't know what to say. Max. Max was fucking big. The insane is that the dad would go like. Max Max was fuck the guy was actually the gas guy was the other stand man. Yeah, the guy was actually

almost like walking a Max was following the guy because Max was like, you know, see had a camera he was fucking guys walking away from Max not looking at avoiding him. I had to go grab Max to come on Max go play somewhere else. So I had to bring him to the cry and bring him to the outside of the pool with finally having fun. This fucking twat family comes to where we are. So now he wants to, and I'm like, and they ignore him again. And then Max finally said, fuck you dad.

Basically was like, saw the kid over on the float with just the mother. He went over and lied on the float with the kid and went, hi. And the kid just stared and I walk over and I'm so it's just, he's shy. And I felt like he socially awkward because you guys fucking suck as people. You could have just fucking, please, please, you should beg me and pay me to let my kid hang out. You're a dumb fucking. That's gonna fuck up somebody's life someday. But you would then pass this shit fucking shit gene,

the shit way of living on, generation after generation, cause you have fucking twit, fuck face, hundred, that has a fucking $5,000 camera in a pool in the Marriott. You fuck, I hope you drop it, fuck you, you piece of shit family,

and you're shit kids. Robert Kelly for president 2020. I win, that's me. So you're asking me about other parents. That's what you're asking for. But I tell you this, some of them though I met, I met this, Matt made friend with this, I think it was 11 or 13 year old kid,

Justin, greatest kid ever. It's not 13 year old. It's hanging out with your four year old kid Justin great as kid ever 13 year old is hanging out with your four year old kid and he likes older kids right it's a son of intelligence isn't it huh that's a son of intelligence when you want to talk to I don't know man he only wants he really wants to play with older he hung out with this kid just what does it say for the 13 year old. Four girls were told. He was just kid Justin.

He was 34. Well Justin was, you know, he came over and talked to us. Him and his father went to the show. His father was a Spanish dude. His mother was a really white woman. It was a very cultured family, very cool family. Fathers were very smart, really cool guy. We kind of got to know them. There was a very cultured family very cool family follows very smart really cool guy We kind of got to know them. There was a couple other families there

You know, you know, it's a good family when they're leaving and it's last day and they walk up Hey guys want our floats because we'll leave it. That's a good human being the fuck I saw somebody throwing floats out. I was like I want to go to him. Excuse me. There's around fucking 85 kids here. You might want to go ask a family So they don't go waste fucking 14 dollars at the store. Yeah, I Was it the dumb fuck? You don't have to throw them out somebody's gonna use a float at a pool That's what most people do you leave them at the pool or you go, hey, you want our floats?

He got to be a real piece of shit to deflate a float and then put in his What do you got the chat there? Ted checker says I tell every Muslim I see that I'm ready for the apology Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack.

Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack.

Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. Shacklack. No, yeah, I don't know though. I mean yeah, we fucked up in Iraq I Guess right Are you kidding? Fucking Muslims are the US military is killed way more than Muslims in my lifetime

I think I've seen estimates that are something like four million in that area I mean we're not talking about they get us by they get 16 people in Europe and we're like Muslims are out of control Well, I never even went in. We've created so much more hate. Yeah, of course. Well, and there's also a long history before even the US We have to ask everyone else to finish the French. I my My my social my my Computer guy depo who guess slash guy, has looked up the number. Well, I mean, I'm having trouble figuring out.

What do you mean? Oh, no, I'm not. Guy, what's the number? Documented civilian debts from violence in Iraq. She shakes her head like, oh, yeah. So what? What do you got? Between 161 and 180 pounds.

Well, that would be just George W. Bush's war in Iraq would be the goals right? You just said 40 million noise at four million in my lifetime Muslims. So you're talking about Iraq and Is that real? Is that a real number? Look, I've been four million Muslim deaths and I'll tell you it's a study. I saw a study Smith study that says that no look that's that's including like sanctions every war like ever so things like that okay so here's a thing now does it do so are you justifying what you know i'm saying if you what the what the isis is doing if you know the

point i'm making it's not that i'm not realizing these individuals predictable and it makes sense that a lot of muslims hate us like if you just go oops we made a mistake we said they had weapons but they didn't and we slaughtered whatever you just said, 190,000 people. The idea that you think they'll just their reaction is gonna be like, thanks for a pile of, yeah, see you later. We know that now there are people who are really creating a generation of hate now. Yeah, but we're gonna grow up. We're really talking about your kid. These are people who have watched their kids get fucking slaughter. You still hype Bobby Kenley that stopped you from going on a watch their kids get fucking you still hype Bobby can't leave that stuff to you from going on a scouting rink I

fucking I actually have it I just I have him since I used to say they feel I have I have I have I have there's a jihad out I am fucking after that fat one fat one. You got exactly a fat one. You lose 20 pounds, you do fat jokes. You got a bit. A fat one.

Shit, shit, shit. Let's move on. I want to move on. Your asshole. Speaking of asshole. I got here a week ago. I was on the radio. I'll know I'd be radio with no one. Open radio. No, yeah.

Yeah. I'm a mafia. Mark Norman and Ari Shafir took over. Open radio show two. Shafir. Oh, sorry. And I believe Ari Shafir went for a colonoscopy the night before. And he was. So that morning.

Oh, that morning. Yeah, then coming. So he had to take the shit. When you get an colon ospre you have to take the stuff that literally cleans your whole intestine little track out. You shit everything out. So you're not. It's like you know very similar to if you're gonna have some good gay sex you want that sucker cleaned out. Then he said he got filled with gas. It was like really like when he came into the studio,

he was laying down because he's stomach hurt. Yeah. And we're all making fun of him. And then maybe half an hour later, I had to just keep pissing. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know where. You were feeling good, but then.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I thought maybe I'm dehydrated because I had a couple weeks vacated. I've been touring since like last September. So a couple weeks off in the States, went to the fights in Vegas, caught up with friends in Oregon, but just bees, bees, bees, bees, bees, bees, I thought I'm probably dehydrated. But it just kept happening for a few days. It took me three hours to get from Midtown Manhattan to where I'm staying in Alphabet City. I take like six steps and go, I'm going to piss my pants.

Then I have to find somewhere to take a leak. Another six step. Oh, fuck. And his is coming out every time, like you're... Nah, like sometimes it was just... But the first few times I had to take six cabs, because I'd get in a cab, get a few blocks and then just go, fuck, drop me off here. Throw the dude money, get out, find a bathroom. Wow.

And I waited a couple days and I went to the doctor. Lucky, doing good in the business. Kelly for Stugui just have to stay in the corner until it... It stopped. That's a better infection. She'd take one. Kelly Vistuga can't afford a small coffee at Starbucks to use their bathroom. That was really worthy. I liked it. So many syllables. Really. Kelly Vistuga can have a small coffee latte with a cream and I'm not crew chopping the fat. I don't see. So I went to the dope.

Wait a minute. Whoa. What did you just fucking mumble monos to the microphone? Dave said, I'm not so good at chopping the fat and then I mumbled to myself neither is he on a pointed ball.

You didn't mumble. You was a good joke too. You mumble. I'm scared of you. I'm scared of you. But you pointed at me. And I was looking at you. I wanted you to hear the joke,

but not the podcast. So I just why? Because you know, it's I don't want to undermine you Well, you know, I just did I know what he does it. She's doing it. He's doing it You guys undermining podcasts. Yeah, yeah, I keep the jokes off here Here's the fucking deal the only way the yet fucking people that don't want to undermine you or don't secretly hate you behind your back You know how you do that. I'm gonna tell you how you do that. You don't. You understand? I know, I was fighting it. That was what came out. The timid sounding joke. Why don't you just say it so we can all laugh at it?

Because if they don't laugh, then now I just seem like an asshole. And there's a chance they won't laugh because I'm not like a killer or a weapon. That's called comedy. That's like was a solid joke I like it's good it coming from scopal that's you know because he knows solid joke did you just say there's a chance we might not laugh because you're not popular or whatever that's what I said that's what I said that's that Indian fucking low self esteem he's got no I don't like that because that's almost like a like a fucking scapegoat like of the joe doesn't have your life by far if i was popular joe's a fucking popularity concessive i was a famous guy and i said like a

subpar joke i feel like you know it would get some chuckles your man bill burrs really sucking it and that that doesn't work that That only works on stage. When famous people go up, they get five to ten minutes. And then if it's not funny, the crowds are like, alright, this is weird. Even famous people, you'll see that. You'll see that sometimes with the more actory type guys who don't like, don't hone the

craft that well and they'll pop in. And it's like, yeah, they can, exactly. You said they give them so much. I saw that with a rock not too long ago. He started and just wasn't that was not all the example Actually type guys don't hone their craft. Yeah, you know like Louis Johnson yeah the guys you They mean the guy who owns this crap more than anything else

You're right, you know what? You're true. You're true. You're true on that. If you would let me finish, Deepu, I'm on your side. If that was popular, they would have got me. Well, I mean, after we set up a Chris Rock, I'm not gonna agree with anything.

Oh, I love it. I love it. I love when they fight each other. Because Deepu's smart. I'm back in out here. I'm back. I'm back on your side. Thanks. I am worthy

Well, so you see you get a piss all the time just so much so much the like Thursday Friday Saturday So Sunday I went to the doctor and I've been to the US 12 time. I've never had to go to the doctor so I'm like how much it ended up being like 180 bucks. It's not bad. Or something. I mean, that's a bladder infection though. No, well, ended up being a prostate thing because I had to piss in a cup.

They tested it there. What happened? I thought it was a UTI so I was drinking cranberry juice like a champion. It turns out not that and I was doing the wrong thing because it's a diuretic so that was making me a piss even more. Oh my god. And then the doctor just gave me that, she was super cool about it. What she did.

She, yeah, I got lucky small hands and down. What you did. She just said, none of the tests are showing up that it's anything to do with that. Right. Do you consume alcohol? And I was like, yep. And she said, all right, you might be dehydrated.

We might have to check your prostate. Right. All right, let's do it. So what'd you do? Walk me through this. I can't believe I've like leaned on the bed. Pull a pan down and do it. So what you do? Walk me through this. I'm gonna go like lean on the bed. Pull the pants down to the knees. Alright, so you pull your pants that you have underwear on?

Yeah. What kind? Boxes are telling you what? Okay, so you pull your underwear on. Pull your pants down. Alright, briefs. Boxer briefs. So you pull your underwear, you get your shoes on still.

Yeah. So you pull your underwear down to your ankles, right? Pull your pants down. Just sit there. She just said to the knees. Alright, now you bend over this table and she's behind you is she standing or squatting is she what? No idea. I was facing forward just not knowing what to do. Look back to you at a glimpse from memory. Not even like just a jerk off later. Not at all. It wasn't as bad as I thought. She put her hand on the small ear back

because there was nothing gentle. She was just super nice. She's like it's not's bad as well. She put her hand on the small ear back, pushing her back. There was nothing gentle. She was just super nice. She's like, it's not as bad as you think. Right. It's going to be quick. Now when her whole arm fell in, because you've been getting fuck in the ass a lot of them.

Now she's done for the second. Did she stick her finger in your bone? Yeah. And then she said, I'm going to push against your prostate. And depending on, yeah, so hard. Just shut your ears all over the table. So I tipped her 50. And then she said I'm gonna push against your prostate So I tip their 50 so then it up in two-third She goes I'm gonna push and depending on your reaction I'm gonna know if it's inflamed or not And I was like all right, and she pushed and I went like, we kicked just knocked over again. I made this fucked up sound.

Really? And she was like, yeah, it was like, just tender. I thought the finger in the ass was gonna be the band thing, but it was the pushing. It's never a bad thing. Look at me, it's never a bad thing. It's always a good thing. But she said straight away.

She's like, all right, you've got some things. Did she ever wedding ring up? Was she hot? Had. Was she, now it's your hat. Before if you should know why she did that figure. If you stole a ring with your asshole, you're the asshole thief.

Was she hot? Nah, she old? Yeah, how old? Mid 50s, light 50s? Really? Big titties? No. Go titties.

Flat chested? Had one of those jackets on, you can't. Yeah, you can tell. Oh, you can tell. You, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was in the Jewish camp camp powercrests and years ago. I had it my foster father was Ken Lass Who I love? Shout it's Ken Lass Is he listening? Is he found the podcast? All right, you either one that came to the show in Boston. Yeah, okay. Yeah He he had a job he this this camp Jewish camp

You know Jews go away for the summer. Overnight camp. Catholics, Christians go away for day camp. They're not. I went to the camp in Oregon the first time I came here. It was like a weekly camp. Overnight. Yeah. You get them from like Sunday, midday to Saturday, midday.

Mostly Jewish people do that. Mostly around. Yeah, well, I'm from yeah.day to Saturday midday. Yeah, mostly Jewish people do that mostly Yeah around well, I'm from yeah, I've heard it's like rich here rich. Well rich kids with mostly Jews and it's very traditional It's you know generations and generations to go to the same camp go to the same camp and they have songs and they you know The the counselors later or the kids that used to be there and he he beat he had a chance to be the director of the camp So this was a big deal for him. He said, you can either go live somewhere else for the summer, or you can become a counselor at the camp. How old are you? 18, you know, newly sober. You know, I moved out of my, when I got out of rehab, I couldn't live with my mom because I was still fucking,

she was still a crazy person, treating me like a drinker. And you were going hard. You were drinking like real hard as a drinker. When I was a kid, yeah, but now I'm sober. I'm going to meetings all the time. I'm going to meetings. I'm going to AA dances and she's still fuck with me. You know what I mean?

So I had to get the fuck out. Ken took me in. He was my outreach counselor while I was at camp Now he was a foster father. He had another kid. So he was like look I can bring you in and get paid to have you here. So I was going to college He so he you know, I moved in with him Had a little side room with a door and blah blah blah. So anyways He's like you got to move out or you gotta, you can get it, become a counselor.

So it's like, all right, what's the highest paying job at the Camping goes lifeguard? So I went and became a lifeguard. I had to wake up and go to my high school and swim every morning. I became a lifeguard by three seconds. Go ahead, seriously. You know what I'm saying?

It was literally one, two, and I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I look okay, you got it. One more second I wasn't a lifeguard, I was going to be arts and crafts bob. But I went and bought the shorts, I had the shorts at guard. That's when I became Shades Kelly. I would buy cheap sunglasses at gas stations, and I took out the, remember those cassette tape boxes, like a little briefcase. I took out the cassette holders,

and I put all my sunglasses in there, and I wrote Shades in graffiti. You gave yourself the name, Shades? I gave, of course I did. Of course I gave it that name. And I would have a different pair of sunglasses every day at the... Look in the mirror, talk to have a different pair of sunglasses every day at the- Look in the mirror.

Talk to yourself. That's a shame. Yeah, at the lake. A shame. Beginning of sexy Bobby. No, it was really hot. I have a photo of me. I think my mother has it.

A black and white that this English guy, curly day-haired English guy that did photography at the camp from London. He was so cool. He took a photo of me. I was just side profile flexing with the guy. Oh yeah, what have you saw this? Oh my God. You have to bring it in. Yeah, it was so hot. Settle down. Shake. You would love shades Kelly. I know. And I remember he I was there and he I did some awful shit there too. There was some crazy broad that was at the camp, some redhead.

And I got hurt, a fucking like, do strip for everybody, jerk everybody off. Yeah, in the boat house. Jerked everybody off, like all the counselors? Yeah, like six of us were down there. We had a tape, we had a cassette player and I got over, I was like a star. Everybody loved it. What's yours this? John, you know, John Fish knows about it.

I'm like, still talking about it. I'm like, still talking about it. I'm still talking about it. I'm still talking about it. I did a change of hellish. I'm still talking about it. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish.

I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish.

I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. I did a change of hellish. tell the story about this camp stories about shades Kelly who is this check this she's like still around and she's still around I think she's still around the lake do I want to I went to do camp for a couple years and there was this and I was like a kid like the I was like 12 and I swear to get there was this fucking counts was like this hot launch it was like white trash 19 year old who I swear to God like had a thing for me like we would be like kind of flirty like

I looking back at it as an adult I'm like a The bang Yeah, white treasurer at 12 you it's so like no, but then dude. I was I was fucking I was there. I got a I got a I got some type of rash from My fucking or on my inner I got baby rash, just baby rash. Campshire. The nurse was smoking hot. She was this, oh my God.

She had like big titties. She was like 20 something. You know what I mean? They got a deal on this nurse. You know what I mean? She was there for the summer. She was really. She was really.

She was really. She was really. She was really. She was very, very, very, Dutch looking. I don't know if you know what I'm talking about chunky, but kind of firm, you know very proportioned Strong yeah like a swimmer like a swimmer. Oh, swimmer. I mean and I remember I went into her office

Speaking of this and I remember she was check. Oh God. I fucking well. I'm a Tommy just one little fucking nudge in my cock near her cheek She she goes to check out I go she goes. What's wrong? She brings me in the she goes She waited made me wait till the last one of everybody was gone I'm in the nervous nurses off and nobody there. I think it was like one other person on the other side and she goes Okay, let me what happened? I go I got a rash. It's really hurting. she goes, okay, let me, what happened? I go, I got to rash, it's really hurting. She goes, okay, well, okay, well, pull your pants down. And I pull it down, she gets on her knees.

Dude, you're not supposed to listen. That's right, yeah, she's the wrong girl. You're supposed to lie down on the bed and she's supposed to put gloves on. And you know, she gets dead. Dude, she was fucking centimeters away. Her mouth was centimeters away from the head of my gorgeous shades, Kelly Packer. You chubbub at all? Dude, I was fucking, oh, I was half full. I was in my head going, don't you fucking, don't you fail me.

You stay half-mast. Yeah, yeah. I was like, my kid, if I had one of those lights for my cock, an orange light, and a green light for my cock, I would have fucked it. I'm picturing you wearing aviators, well, this is happening, though, as reflective like top gun. I have wraparounds.

I'm not gonna get blonde in wraparants. Honestly, if I just pushed my couple, maybe not even an inch and hit her cheek, she would have grabbed and sucked it. I know she would have. In my head, I know she would have. But I know it was just too, like, you're not supposed to be on your knees,

you're not supposed to be. She was holding my, holding my cock like you hold the cock when you blow somebody telling me That it's just a rash. She this is you know, it's so tough for guys. I'm gonna hard I'm fucking look I'm 33 years old okay, and I think every time I hook up with a chick to this day There's still a little pardon. There's like the little boy in you if you hook up with a chick That's there's just that party that's like I can't believe women let us do this Yeah, like I can't believe women let us do this

Like I can't believe you'll just get naked for me and like let me just go to town and you're like that's insane And we always it's like this thing It takes you so long in life to realize that when you get the vibe because when you're young You're like I'm getting a vibe like this. There's no way she'd actually be willing Oh, yeah, she was down to fuck like that's what that vibe is I'm gonna get older and be like, oh yeah, she was down to fuck like that's what that vibe is Yeah, that's what it feels is what I'm trying to say guys There's a thing to though and now though you need such a I at this point I would need a girl to go look. I'm gonna fuck around so stop being a fucking pussy And I would of course have to say no because I'm married and I love my wife, but it would be I would be very hard and I would shake

I would have to immediately find a place like Cody and go jerk off every fucking three cabs. Just pull over your step-ups. I love it later that night, that nurse is telling all her friends like, you're not gonna believe this, but Shade Skelly is gay. I don't know, I was how my knees grabbing his car. Oh, shates. I don't think about change. That is. Hey, what do you got in the chat? You got anything? Fadi patty says, Bob does Bobby not remember telling this story five million times. I thought elephants never forget. Put me on the spot

there. That's all I had to you know. Well, that's your dick for bringing that up. That means you don't like me, but it was actually a funny joke. It was pretty good. He saved it with the elephants. The elephant was the rest of the stuff. Yeah, I've told it a bunch of times you fucking twat. So thanks for listening to my fan of the show. Not time to run it right now. But it was it was it was um it's great story Are you backing me up now Okay, right. All right. Let's go around the room Cody. What do you got besides a fucked up prostate? I'm gonna fuck that bliver. I'm gonna Montreal tomorrow to do some stuff some there away

What are you doing at much y'all doing a couple of TV typings once for L.O.L. at JFL That's gonna be good just from the name. Oh, no every take a sick Oh, no, I got a couple years ago. It's awesome That's a hard thing right yeah Yeah, yeah, and then I'm doing a typing for best of the fest and then some other spots and then I mean End of Bra, Edinburgh Scotland for the fridge festival for the month my show is called cum get some And are you sponsored? What do you mean? Are you doing it yourself or do you know? I've got a promoter to get comedy that looks after Jim Jeffries. Right. Yeah. All right. Good for you, man. Yeah. And Jim Jeffries is fucking kicking it again now too. Yeah. I mean that that gun bit really set him off

to Expand out a bit to get shit. It's like just get shit every time it happens. It's fucking Which brings the point of these bit and dude no matter, you know what I love about a good bit though? Because I'm a completely pro second amendment guy. But I love a bit where even if you're like completely on the other side of a bit, I'm a belief. You can look at it and just go, ah, it's a fucking hilarious bit. Just for laughs, how much fun is that?

I went, you were there in 2013. I was so much, literally the most fun I think I've had as a comic is just hanging out with that fucking festival Well, that's a thing like American comics love hanging out But then you should come to like Edinburgh or Melbourne comedy festivals a month long Some do yeah, yeah, I asked right now. No, you said your own thing at Edinburgh. Yeah, Edinburgh And no, but me Bob already do a lot of money already did it last year Yeah, but are he's already stated that all's in his 40,000 and I'm sad. So anything he doesn't care Yeah, yeah, it's hard to do when you have a fucking wife

It's a different person and I'm fucking mortgage. I get it. Yeah, that's true. They really does a free life He's a freelancer man. He's a fucking rogue assassin and you don't drink. There's almost no reason to come to Edinburgh If you don't drink right that's true It's just a big one. See it congratulations on the Edinburgh and the just for last fun good to see you too I'm glad you're glad you're feeling better. Yeah, it's getting there. I've got a flight on fucking so scared for this flight tomorrow I haven't been in a cab for longer than 20 minutes. Yeah, well you can put it there bathrooms on flights Yeah, the new thing. Yeah, it's just pissing on the white Can I take some of these? I'll say like that bathroom is on flights. Yeah, to do thing. Yeah, it's just pissing on the white I'd say I would do I would actually get in a diaper an adult diaper

10 I'd throw that sucker on yeah when you're good to go after the plane takes off Just go on the bathroom take it off. It's not why I'm doing that I mean if you did that, rather we came back on the podcast, but we just tearing it apart. For the whole time. Man, I did my first spot at the cell at the other night, and I needed to piss so bad, and I considered just stuffing toilet paper

in my box of shorts where it's like, I've got five minutes, they can't be that much pissing there. It was fucking awesome. The clubs are good. I mean, did she see you? Yeah, and then get to sending a vile system. Oh, good for you, man. Congratulations.

It's like a fifth or sixth trip. Yeah, but you did it, man. You never know. And it happened. That's great, man. What do you got, Dave? I'm in New York for the whole month. We just came back off a tour.

I mean, Lewis, we're out on the Legionist Gangs tour. It was great, man. It was really, really fun, dude. We did six cities. Ton of fans came up. Ton cities Tuna fans came up tunnel. YKWB Jesus, like fans were there a lot. It was really really cool a lot of fun top. I was by the way I give you so much credit and I know I listened to the episode where you were saying very nice things about skankfest But I tell people people do not realize how instrumental you were in creating Legion of Skanks dude I owe you a lot for that you literally down to the detail of you gave Lewis podcast equipment.

I forgot about that. Someone was like, see that, like, but you actually gave him the whole shirt that we built the first Legion of Skanks studios with. So anyway, that was good, but yeah, so check that out. Every Wednesday at the Creek in the Cave, Legion of Skanks. Great, man. Part of the problem at Comic-Dave Smith on Twitter. And I love that you guys do that at Creek in the Cave. What a fucking creative thing. I love that you guys do that at Creek in the K. What a fucking crazy.

I love that place so much. Rebecca is awesome. Awesome. Hi, what do you got, man? Be at Cincinnati Funnybone August 18th that weekend with Greg Warren. And I have a podcast with Greg Stone and Anthony Davito that deepos a huge fan of about the Rad Dude cast. I love those guys. Yeah, they're great Follow me on Twitter at airbud eYRE Bud

That's it. Hi buddy. Thanks for coming on. Thank you so much. Oh, you got a man. Thanks. What do you got dude? Be with Louis this weekend. Yeah, here's last night on now. It was good before. It's not now. No don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this. I just literally don't tear me down. I saw a little and I look back at our fucking little squinty Jersey eyes. I'm gonna fucking just disappear someday from cigarette smoke and fucking crow's feet Somebody steal her eyes on all right. What do you got what else you got? I'm sorry. I didn't drop to get plugged buddy. No, I left it up this weekend with Louis Saturday night. It's not a clock show come check it out. Awesome. All right. What do you got Lauren? Just at Lauren Kubara on Twitter Instagram If you have pussy picks, tit picks. Dick picks. Pussy picks, tit picks,

ass picks, body picks, send them to Lauren. And I guess she likes dick picks. Come on, I got nothing and give them all to me. Send video, send video of you, you're a weird dick. And just jizzin' right here at the phone camera. If you ever got a really weird dick, I wanna see it. Do you actually, do you want that? You know who listens to this show, right?

You're gonna get flooded with it. Oh, I get it all the time. All right, when she sent them to me, and there's some really weird, I mean, you're looking at the dicks and you're like, I was actually, I was actually looking at these things. She sent me and my phone was on the counter and if my wife grabbed my phone She was gonna use it. I almost went I had a wait

Like is that moment where you go you you fucking be patient? If I were no she would have looked at it She picked it up went looked at it. She goes that's not mine and she picked up her phone If she had opened that phone and she knows my code they would have just been a long Black cock in that phone and she knows my code they would have just been a long black cock. I still remember your bit about if you're truly faithful you'd let your girl take your phone for the day and then I install throw it into the ocean or somebody truck it. Can I use your phone? Someone more famous than me truck it and really? Fucking didn't ask me where you gonna do? All right, you're fucking make sure right more Dave go it out right some better stuff

That's what therapists as you know if you're not happy. We just read a new ad. Oh, it's that easy You fucking cut the chair On Twitter and Instagram are too deep boo and the chat room asking if i make more of those videos and uh... everyone's replayed last week do you have one i had to take a week off man you don't have any more new ones no i don't i have to regroup and have a new new one does he have any more and i know another pop up this is people you have to keep working those uh... yeah i needed a week to just regroup uh... try to figure out a lot of different variables this i will i will make You have to keep making those. They're brilliant.

I don't know if they're brilliant. They're brilliant, man. They were something. I want to make something. But he keep doing it. And the pounding you're gonna get is gonna help you making them. It was like trying to joke at an open mic.

The moment you try it, you just feel the truth. Like, oh, the energy's gotta be higher. The timing's gotta be tighter. So, yeah. All right, what do I got? 29th of July 30th and 31st. You're going to be at Lafayette Louds in Antonio, Texas. Yeah. September 10th. You're going to be true story tour. Lafayette keeps in New York.

Check it out. You're going to go to my website and go to robacarelive.com and look at my tour dates. I have one show which is coming up this weekend in San Antonio. This comes out Monday, so it's gonna be already gone. Go to my tour dates. I am coming to your city. Okay, if it's not up there, the city let me know. I will get it on the next run.

But I am fucking, I'm killing it from September to December Stavros has come with me. This is the tour to finish my fucking hour Hopefully by the end we'll have the hour that I'm gonna do and we're gonna film it So make sure you go buy your tickets get them now there's some some cool rock venues There's some clubs. There's a couple of theaters. I'm doing a bunch of different venues on this tour. We're back to back to back to back. We'll be going to the show and then to another show

and then to another show and some of them, some of my favorite kind of like sides putters and coming back to Laf Boston, I'm going back to. So go there. Robacadelive.com, go to my tour dates, buy the, I'm going back to, so go there. Robacadelive.com, go to my tour dates, buy the tickets now, spread the word, retweet it, tell your friends, put my name in it, I'll retweet you,

all that shit. Use this social media for the good that it does, instead of just fucking watching me live my life and not showing up on my shows. You mother, I wanna thank Philly Punchline, all you motherfuckers that came out. I wanna thank the punchline, everybody over there, Ben, the staff was amazing.

Molly for booking me, what a great club. And Philly, congratulations for having that, the guys that hold cigar and twin cigars, you guys are amazing. The Jersey jerks for fucking hanging out with me, going to my show Spreading the word for my shirt that says sex drugs and sausage rolls you guys are fucking awesome And become a premium member of this channel right here get the app for your iPhone and your Samsung and Android whatever

Get the you know what dude podcast app Sign up for one ninety nine you don't even know it comes out just comes out of your fucking thing your iTunes I believe or whatever your account is yeah you can show him you have a camera too it's awesome the show coming up on August 30th ticket's gonna go 200 seats it's gonna sell out if you're in if you're coming it's me Jim Florentine, Bonnie McFarlane, Lewis Jay Gomez, Ron Benetin is gonna be doing the panel, creeps with kids.

That's creeps with kids. And we're gonna do a parenting panel after, Q&A's, get your questions. It's going on the premium channel. So if you don't go live, you go drive. What? Ah! I like that. Oh boy. What? you like it? I like come on son. You want to be a shades Kelly You want to be you want to be a member of the studio?

email ykwd producer at rikas.com That's right. You want to send any gifts to us all the stuff behind me is from fans 117 McDougal Street 1 0-0-0-1-2, Carro of Robert Kelly or YKWD Poghatch. All right, that's it. I want to thank you three for coming on. What a fun show. Great to have you guys.

Really, really good time, man. You guys are some of my favorites, man, really. I'll work on the accent. You too, man. I mean, you have low self-esteem. But you guys are the best. And you guys are the best fans of the accent. You too man. You have low self-esteem. You guys are the best and you guys are the best fans of the world. Thanks for coming to the chatcast! Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.

Checkoutryocast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. ¡Soy! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fui, parás! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.