Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - A Tahiti 10

Episode Date: February 13, 2017

This week on YKWD: We have Shuli, Jared Freid, and Liza Treyger! We talk about the minutiae of Jewish summer camps, take a closer look at the Arnold Schwarzenegger scandal, and evaluate how well George Lopez handled a heckler! Watch / Listen and enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a claustrophic. It's podcast. No rules. I'm not gonna to the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret. Can I get a mic?

Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of eyes on. It's just us sitting down Sometimes it's hilarious sometimes it's 10 no topics no directions. I love doing it Play both sides of the coin Wanted a day. My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know This is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on whitecast.com.

Yeah. Let's get right into it. Shall we? Let's get right into it. We're back. We're back. Last week, Diggy Paul Verzi, fulfilling in. Epic show.

I watched a little of it. It was awesome. So Verzi, he, the Wolf Man. It was a very, it was like. Um, so verzy he the wolf man. It was a very But it was like you were there in some ways Bob. Why because we talked about cigars and trannies Ha ha at least our little bit. That sounds like a fucking show that you got access TV hell yeah Ask the TV cigars and trannies with your host Robert Kelly Paul Verzy and Jim Norton Um, yes, let's just get into it. We're getting into it.

We're getting into it. There's no more debate. There's no more discussion. It's over. It's over. It's so annoying. You two are a fan. Whether you like it or not, you're a Patriot fan.

You're at least a Tom Brady fan. You're a Billots fan you're at least at Tom Brady fan you're a Bill Bellachek fan You have been humbled or humbled down to one knee in front of them because they are the greatest of all time It is done. It is said it is set in stone Tom mother fucking bomb chin Brady and Bellachek bad ass fucking is the greatest of all times That's it. She did for four super bowls. Now fine bullshit bullshit, they're bullshit. They do what every other team does and this fucking NFL had it out for them and this is This is why you know this is this is people here. They're chanting you hear them outside the cellar right now

There's a there's a there's a people here. They're chanting you hear them outside the cellar right now I'm I'm up here and they're chanting There's a there's a crowd out front of Patriots fan the parade parades today and they're going nuts outside guys Keep it down. Keep it down. Thank you for coming out. Just shut the window shut the window shut the window It's unfuckin believable. Could you believe it? They're crazy fans to march all the way down McDougal Street from wherever that goes. They're all over. They're all, this is New England.

This is considered New England. Yeah, because of Brady, there's gonna be a, it's like with stealer fans, there's always stealers fans everywhere. Yeah, we're gonna have Patriots fans everywhere now. Like Red Sox. Yeah. When they did that in 2004 and beat the evil in the buyer.

They took Darth Vader down. New England just needs like a giant nuke to just fall on it and just end all the sports dinostates. It's getting very annoying. Was that too much? Does it make you a little bit too much? I think a little bit the acid and Lawrence face. Yeah.

Now a nuke on all of New England. You sound very, you're sounding, you know, like, I'm very comfortable. That's a big nuke. You gotta be careful. It's Trump's America. Are you talking like that on a podcast? You get flagged. This is a stage.

I'm on a stage right now. But they're listening. This is a safe zone. They're listening. I still let you know, Mr. Trump, I did not say that. The only person I'm scared of is you, Bob. And then we're gonna keep it that way. All right, good.

Listen. It was fucking amazing. I had a party at my house that Norton, his friend came over. Oh, fuck, uh, I was her name, eluding me, eluding me. She's a comic. She's, uh, who almost for Norton, the girl, the blonde girl. Um, come on. What's your name? Oh, come on. Can you? How about fucking getting on a computer? The nine of them in front of you, guys. And Norton's opener, um, fuck, anyways, I had, uh, my friend Omar and his wife up.

My friend Joe came over of course Max he was you know finally watching soup bowl Don made chili it was gonna be this epic night and uh you know and then the first quarter I'm like this is not the patch that this is crazy this is bad and then you know by the second I'm like holy shit it's over and by the third yet what's that they do it on purpose I don't, we just stop with the conspiracy shit. I mean, that's a dumb theory, it's a theory. It's a dumb thing. They do it on purpose.

You know what I'm doing? Listen, anyways, they do it on purpose. They throw it in the gate. They're playing hard to get by. I'm ready, this is what I'm doing. This isn't some guy in Jersey, this is the Super Bowl. Ah. Ah. Ah Super Bowl. Ah! Ah!

So, but they melt the clock. It's a slow burn. They don't even score in the first quarter ever. I know they tease you. It's crazy. Here's what they said. Look at the belly button. That's what they do. I really like that. That's my move. That's your move. Yeah. The old Deepo belly button lick.

It's the worst thing I've ever heard of my- Why would you deep poo belly button lick Why would you lick a belly button? It's gross because no one ever goes there It's a very erogenous area. It's no It's not a big time. It is buddy. First of all, that's why I look at chocolate charts all the time Chocolate hot chocolate hot First of all chocolate charts you're looking at that in your mother's bedroom. She has a fucking eight armed Indian woman. Yep It's accurate. It works. Do you come in the belly button too? No I have bad aim, but I could I'm gonna say right now if your girl

Don't not go near with guys belly button number one when they jerk off a lot of that gets in there They don't clean it out also. It's looks like half a shirt Half a shirt's worth a wool in there. Yeah, it's gonna be wool and gizz, which is pretty much makes like a fish cake. Anyways, yeah. You ever dig in there after a long time, just pull it out like wow. You ever dig in there and then smell it? Yeah, no, you guys should be doing this.

And most girls have hair on their belly button right above it and they shave it. I do. Yeah, of course you do. We know you do. We're looking at your eyebrows and you're keeping care of your neck. It's, yeah, it's discussing. Anyways, back to the Patriots. We're going to wrap this up. The best. Let's just say it. It's the best. They're the best team ever. Best quarterback,

best head coach ever. Congratulations. Yeah. What a game. I mean, look, they earned it. They earned it in great fashion. Everybody, I feel, do you know how fucking, how much I feel for Falcon fans, but how, how many hours I spent, YouTube-ing, fucking disappointed Falcon. There's nothing, by the way, the rapper, remember him? He had a video up of him at the game, and third quarter, it's over, that's it. It's all, it's a-a-l-t.

A-a-l-t. Yo all it's a A L T A L T yo It's a Atlanta And then they cut to him going what the fuck Wow, it was so mental how this happened It's it's unthinkable every super bowl. There's some fucking crazy ass last minute catch. What is that? Well, not every super bowl, but the majority of the past one.

That's ridiculous too. That's not a fact. But there've been two. I could have said it. There was one with the giants. It was the first ADSPN. It was the chime in. She's blocked out by Stephen A Smith.

She's like shut up. I was one there was one with the Patriots and the Giants. Right. And that's just ridiculous that catch. And now with that Omen, this catch, I mean, it's all, I mean, it's, look, it's skill, but it's mostly luck with that catch. I don't know if it's going to get his dick sucked. He's first of all aggressive. He's getting his dick sucked anyways.

He's in shape gorgeous on a Patriot team. And he looks like a hipster that owns a coffee shop in Brooklyn. And no one else on that team does press. Edelman was on a Fallon last night. He's like with with Bell Check. Bell Check was hilarious. Yeah, he was all right. You wanna fall it up?

Dude, let me tell you something. You and him on tide. You guys fucking close. I have Bella check, type of comedy. Yeah, you have Bella check comedy. I already like scores hot chicks though, Bella check. Bella check? Bella check was funny.

You were the God. Yeah, he was funny. He was funny. She's got a family. Oh really? Yeah, you fucking home wrecker. What a fucking, yeah. Typical giant's woman fan trying to ruin

Bella check's family. Like anybody would ever listen to this and take it serious. What a fucking yet typical Giants woman fan trying to ruin Bell checks family Like anybody would ever listen to take it serious I Imagine his wife was a YKWD. I heard you were picking up chicks from Lauren. You know, she almost died He's so fucking I mean what a game and those Atlanta fans You know much you how many parties were canceled? Do you know how much shit, there's two guys that got tattoos? They got the tattoo.

Does anybody learn anything? You don't get a tattoo in the third quarter. You get a tattoo when the hat comes in the mail. You don't get a fucking tattoo while the game's going on. Well, you know, at least it was a great game. I'll say that much. I'm a jet fan. I'm a rival fan.

Yeah, it's been hard to watch. Not really rival, but I mean, no, there are actually really division rivals. Yeah, but we're not really. We just beat you every fucking year. Yeah, it doesn't feel like a rival. Yeah, it's not a rival. It's more like practice. We can see the jets of practice.

Yeah, the jets are a mess. I can't even say that. And you were supposed to have Bell Check as your coach. Yep, and then Bell Check left. On a napkin said I quit. Pulled a kumia, he was like, I'm outta here. Wow, I don't know if it's a kumia, I don't know if it's a kumia,

kumia got fucking fired. Oh yeah, that was. You got told to leave. Measured a Bell Check was taking photos in Times Square. Got, you know what, let's just stop. Yeah, let's stop that fucking joke that doesn't make sense, I don't know what to track. What, you got the audio? Oh, fuck it, don's just stop them. Yeah, let's stop that fucking joke that doesn't make sense. I don't know if it's a track. What, you got the audio?

Oh, fuck it, don't worry about it. Anyway, I just wanna say unbelievable. You can't fuck with them. And if you got anything to say, you can call up, we have the number. What do you think of Gidel having an angel? Let's say number. What's the number?

347-983-YKWD. Again? 347-983-9593. Yes, that's it. YKWD. Colin, if you got something to say three. Yes, that's it. My KWD. I'll call on if you got something to say. Here's the deal. Gidell is a piece of shit. Yeah, and everybody knows it. And nobody likes Gidell. He went after Brady. He went after the golden boy. They wanted him. And uh, well, he was got a story. He told me. I don't know if he can name names, of course not, but you know,

they were trying to get him. Yeah, they're after him. They wanted to take him down. That deflate gate was garbage. Brady's bad for business. If the same team wins every year, it's not good for the markets. I hear it's what's good for business and other teams should take note of it.

Brady takes a pay cut so they can get people. They're 60 million under the fucking cap so they can have room to breathe, and that everybody does their fucking job. So there's not one person that dictates the fucking salaries of what goes on. The coach is the fucking coach, and everybody else does their part.

And all the other teams should do this. They're the ones when they won the Super Bowl against the Rams, Brady's first year, okay? You know what they did? Every team came out individual, the Rams, Brady's first year. Okay? You know what they did? Every team came out individual, the quarterback. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, kicker. You know what the Patriots did that year?

They came out. They said, Ladies and gentlemen, the New England Patriots would like to come out, be announced as a team. Ladies and gentlemen, the New England Patriots, and they came out as one hopping up and down on the field that's the way they play that's what that coach instilled in him he set up a program that fucking works and the other

team should follow it you know it's not you have enough money when's enough enough it's enough and Brady doesn't get he's not Brady is not the highest paid quarterback in the NFL. It's a shocker I know he's close, but he's not yeah, he should be huh bring that up now. Braintens retired you Anyway, call in folks three four seven nine three every questions for shoes All pocketbooks for Lauren let us know So who's the highest paid quarterback in the NFL? That's the question.

I'll let you, I'll zip it up for you before you get too wordy on Google. 10 bucks is paid, manning. He's dead. No. All right, any other guests? Any other bad guesses, anybody? No, who is it?

Number one is quarterback Andrew Luck. Go ahead. Who else? And followed by Saints, quarterback Drew Breeze. Boom. Followed by Ravens quarterback joe flacco is not even the third god of the uh... packers quarterback erin roger bank who's the greatest quarterback in the league he's i mean as far as the he's the

most talented right now pretty good uh... great and then russell wilson yeah uh... and then bennrothless burger keep going and then on this list i don't even see brady cd go and that but he's got five fucking rings, that's a whole hand. That's a hand.

His wife is billionaire. That's a hand, it doesn't matter. It's a hand. Stop trying to fucking ruin this. It's a hand. His wife's a billionaire. He doesn't need the money. She pays for our right, right?

I saw her in the booth like doing selfie, Instagram, and it was like, no, focusing your husband who could die at any moment. Bubba. First of all, yes, do that. We wanna see that. His family is beautiful. His kids are beautiful.

His mom and dad, his wife. I mean, dude, you can't listen. And then he had a, the Gidele had a get that, he was class act with that. He could have told him, go fuck himself, but he shook his hand. You know, look it, whatever, it's done. But why is he so perfect?

Why? Because God is good. He's gotta be something. He's gotta like fuck squirrels or something. Like there's done. But why is he so perfect? Why? Because God is good. He's got to like fuck squirrels or something. Like there's nothing off with him. Well, he has a chip on his shoulder. He's like me, I do that in comedy. You're not a god.

I'm the Tom Brady of standup. I'm the Tom Brady of standup watch. You'll see. You'll see. I will bet everything against you. I will bet. That's okay, man. You know what hate is?

It's confused admiration. Really? What fucking book, who told you that? It was on Reddit, a way you could go. Oh, good. Makes me feel better about myself. Anyway, let's move on. Good fan, bet, fan.

Let's do good fan, bet. I really want to talk about this real quick, though. Lauren almost died. Yeah. I love that we bring up, we bring up the most important in front. Lauren almost fucking died. Yeah. Last week, I mean, I'm calling, she was in the hospital. What happened? We bring up the most important first. Lauren almost fucking died.

Yeah. Last week, I mean, I'm calling, she was in the hospital. What happened? So, I had a stroke. Fast, we got a shoulder do, okay? I had a stroke, I had a stroke, I went to sleep, I woke up, I threw it with my head. Faster than that.

Yeah, yeah. I could have been. Get to the meat of it. Yeah, what happened? And I said, mom, I can't get to the hospital. Good, anyways, good friend, back then and all right, let's do it. No, go ahead, what he got. I'm gonna talk to me, what do you got, baby?

So I sort of throw up, my throat was closing, like, mom, I can't, I literally can't breathe. She's like, take a nap, relax, you're gonna be fine. I love that's one of the bugs me about moms. They're still stuck in like the 60s and 50s. I know, close life. I'm not my can't breathe, take a nap. Yeah.

She thought you were yelling Eric Holden quotes. Right. She's actually banging deep. Oh Planning this he did some Indian fucking kootie pie poison. Go ahead She goes this Thursday. She comes home and I was passed out in like anaphylactic shop. Are you kidding me? You were fucking Yeah, my throat had closed up and I like I breathe and she took me to the hospital. You were dying. I was dying How'd she get you there? God she drove me. Were you awake? I was like, I don't remember. Oh my God. Yeah, no, I know and then I got there and my blood pressure was like 60 over 40. It was like not a real blood pressure Baby, I'm so sorry

Dude, you just said baby. I'm sorry. Adjust a camera like a porn director I know that the guy's like looking at Lauren, I wanna make sure she's talking soft like this. This was a big learning experience for all of us. It was like really hard for me. I'm like, it survived. That's it. Look, look.

I'm here to see the new day. Lauren, I can't believe you. I mean, you got me, Sam, we're all texting you. I know Rob's text me, Sam's text me, you used to. We're all up here, asshole, you're dying. And we're like, what's up? When's the show going up? How am I doing?

Where's the car? Where's the text me? Oh my God. Babe, I'm so sorry. I'm like a cockroach, I can't fucking die. Well, listen, let's, let's, let's, damn. How did you get it?

You know how you got it? It's called sepsis, basically. But how did you get? It just had tonsillitis. It got straight into my bloodstream. And then once I hit your bloodstream, you're fucked. And then they put you in the eye. It's not from sex or anything, right?

You didn't do dirt sex. I got it, it was because I blew a guy and he came in my snowsky. Oh my God. I was like, we need to find this guy. He's killing girls one by one with fucking, that'd be a great Superhero like just this gorgeous guy like Tom Brady, but it's jizzest poison. That'd be a superhero He comes to people's mouths. Yeah, they die. Yeah, I'm not a superhero

Super villain villain there you got. I'm sorry nerd. You couldn't have fucking helped me out on that. You just call me out You nerd I was looking up steps. I was looking up steps. I was though looking at you further. It's in our mouth. Yeah, so check my throat. No, but you're good now. I'm good. I'm so glad. Thank you, baby. So bad because I I hope someday to bang you. I know someday to get to a fight with Dawn and your week with sepsis. I haven't had sex so long. I was like, if I found you on the floor, believe me. I would have rolled you over and put a bathrobe. Oh, I can't talk about it.

Listen, all right. What do you got and put a bathrobe. Oh, I can't talk about it. Listen. All right. What do you got? Good fan, bad fan. Here we go. We have good fan, bad fan, any week. We read stuff. I like to sit down with a nice point of Guinness.

A wee bittershepard's poi. And a jolly good fan Our first good fan it's the way it makes me so happy how bad Your production value know what I love about using animal noises What it makes gives you a hard on it gives me a hard on and they they'll never take it a court They'll never take it a course. All right. Go ahead. What are you our first good? But why I got Why cheap? Well the fan the theme was Irish farm. So I had all these farm noises. Yeah, all right

This is a four in the morning. What about an Irish accent could you fucking swing that? Well the theme was Irish farm so I had all these farm noises. Yeah. All right, good. This is a four in the morning. What about an Irish accent? What about an Irish accent? Could you fucking swing that? Hard, you heard. You don't think it was good? Oh no.

It was not good. I like to sit down with a nice point to Guinness. Oh, yeah. A wee bit of Shepard's Paul. A wee bit. That's a good line. That was a good poll. Stop, stop right there. It sounds, you sound like a ship its poll. Oh, we bit. That's a good line. I was good. Paul stop for a stop right there. It sounds you sound like a deaf Irishman.

We both shop a poll. All right. Come on. Let's do this. Our first good fan is Cob Logan. He says, uh, why isn't this show more popular? Well, it's a bad fan. No, that's a good thing. He's like, it should be more popular. Well, we are. Well, we share promote. Yeah, share promote. No, that's a good thing. It should be more popular. Well, we are, we are. Well, we share promote. Yeah, we like share promote. Here's the thing about promotions. People don't, on the internet, people don't like self-promotion.

So people have to genuinely share the show. Like it's their responsibility. Yeah, it's your responsibility. If you like a show, partly, you should tweet it every week or want some month. At some point, put us on your Facebook. You gotta listen to the show. If you find one of the shows that you like a lot

and you think your friends would like it, have them listen to it, have them subscribe, have them review. Now on that note, I'd like to say that the show has gotten, has never plateaued or never gone backwards in ratings. We've always gone up and up and up. So I am very proud to say that. I mean, you know, it's never, it's,

yeah, what the fuck's that mean? I'm bringing up. Well, the ad, what, what's that? What is, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, what? Can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, can anybody, God be with what is that is that a fucking Chinese person's hat? It's an arrow. That's not an out you got to connect it be that's three And how was that an M my finger? Oh God

Lawden you have to stop being such a winy person Give me a give me a bad fan bring these people up all right our first bad fan is a Sophie C And the the picture is a beautiful, beautiful girl. You can see the picture right there. Yeah, that's not real. And she says, I hate how deep it inses way into becoming a guest. You're a board operator, stick to that.

What the fuck does that mean? You still produce in a show. Well, first of all, a couple things. It always hurts more when a girl says it. Why? You always feel, you see it. I do it for the show. First of all, a couple things. It always hurts more when a girl says it. Why? You always feel it. You say, I do it for the ladies. Not me.

Oh, okay. And here's more when a friend says it. When a girl says it, no, look at it. Whatever. Secondly, she has a point. Secondly, this is how successful people work. This is how successful people work. They inch their way from, think about Barack Obama.obama yeah he inches way from you know it a community

advisor yeah civil rights attorney yes uh... senator yes and the president okay i'm doing the same thing i can't tell you how infuriated i am that you've compared yourself to tom Brady and brykobama in the same show that's okay crazy are good and secondly uh... you if you think i'm bad you should hear adam on fucking misery lost company i like the guy g but the guy the guy chimes in like his part of the rat pack for thirty years oh my

god you're fucking all over adam whoo well i mean i created him oh who i like it intro podcast network uh... that's how we need to i need fucking podcast wars with that fucking psycho. What else you got? So let me just play the bad, bad fans. All right, bad fan. There we go.

Okay, so our second good fan, taxi driver, NWO says, that was a great episode. I loved all the guests. That's great. What episode was it? This was the last one, the Paul Versey one. Paul Versey one, yeah, Paul Verzy's fucking great. Yana's was no Who else was on that?

We had we had Yana's on it. We had Luciana got tika. Hey, Shule and we had Paul Verzy hosting and Alexis Guerrero's Yeah, so like those Guerrero's Versus in the house. No, not Verzy. Oh, Shule's in the house. He looks like Verzy a little bit from behind Shule, what's up buddy? How are you? How are you Mr. Kelly? I'm taking time, back to back time. Let's sit down relax. Um, yeah, we're back.

What are we doing a little bad, good fan, bad fan right now? Yeah. We have a bad fan coming up. Yes, we have a bad fan coming up. Yeah, well, you got many of those. Can I say that I love the new segments. I love the new start of the show. Oh, thanks man.

I've been listening from day one. You know that, buddy. Thank you, thanks man. I've been listening from day one. You know that body. Thank you, Shule and the production is getting the roof. Yeah. I mean, see that. Thank you. Thank you for reading you at the stairs. It's better, right? It's better. It's better. It's behind mama. Where is she sitting? Right in the middle. Yeah. You moved up, baby. Is this happening or no? Well, you know, we don't want people to like to play some fire in a fucking march to happen. Because you sit on the side all the time.

Fucking fucking Amy and Rachel Finestein telling me to shut my podcast down. Because I don't have fucking glitter cheese in the middle seat. So enjoy yourself. All right, what else? So that's bad fan. What's bad fan? There we go. Ready bad fan. I literally just lost the window. The second bad fan said something like Oh, oh, he was like I hit full screen. I'm not really a Matt guy. I hit full screen. Now I can't like unfold screen. It's a disaster

Where's the bad like Shoei said the production's crazy good the big Like meeting your hero What the fuck? He's right here, he's literally, where is it? Listen, R2DPU needs C3 Scopo sometimes. Well, all right, well, maybe we can get you the other TV in here, you can fucking work on it. Yeah.

Well, we got everybody in the house, a great week off for me, which I needed, but I do have a podcast for the one on ones that is going up behind the paywall. So if you're a premium member, I got a great podcast I did with the great Mike Calta from Calhead, who is now Mike Calta. Yeah, all right.

All right. He talks about that. He tried to interview me, because a lot of these guys, these morning show guys, you do a podcast It winds up them interview knew because he's so good at right, but I told him to shut the fuck up I said shut up, and I'm I'm asking the questions big boy great podcast going up premium member want to become one go behind the paywall 199 a month that's it. It's it's you supporting the show

But you also get the premium member. We got another creep with kids coming up That's March 6th. Can you say the lineup yet? I can it's Kevin Brennan, Jessica Kirsten, rich boss and Keith Robinson and myself hosted by Ron Bennington and Gail. I mean you can't this show is gonna fucking be off the chain I'm gonna run out of you, you know comics with kids. I don't have to do like you know, I'm gonna Wasn't Annie. Well, you've had a couple of portions. You can kids. I don't have to do like, you know, I'm gonna- It wasn't Annie. Well, you've had a couple of portions. You can just say, comics used to have kids.

Almost had kids. Mother of potentially three. Yeah, creeps with dead babies. Anyways, hey, right to choose. So anyways, we got that March 6th, and that's going behind the paywall. So, download the app. Yeah, yeah.

How do we do it? You look for the Robert Kelly's, you know what dude app on the iOS store or the Google Play store? A little more enthusiasm. Who's a Matt Gale? Yeah, you go to Google Play, you go to iOS, download the free. It's free. The app.

Join up. 199 a month. We got, I mean, everywhere I go, all weekend. I was in McCurdy's in Florida, Sarasota. I was in Marco W Island off the hook in Naples. And everybody's coming up going, dude, premium member, and you're proud of it. You one of the dudes, be one of the dudes.

Join the club right now, 199 a month. Someone in chat says, it's Panthers hockey. He says you should do creeps, two kids. As a show. Creeps, two, well, that's a whole another hockey. He says you should do creeps two kids as a show creeps to well That's a whole another concept one nighter. Yeah, that's a one-nighter. Yeah, yeah, that's I we're doing that a subway We're gonna have that Let's go around the room. Let's introduce everybody. Well our first guest to arrive today was Shulee Egger, right? Ega are Ega are. Shuly's fine. Okay, good.

Not a lot of Shuly. Some people say it different, dude. I know. Yeah, how do you like it? I like it just Shuly. Shuly. You don't like the last day? Yeah, now.

Yeah, I've been a share fan for many years. I like the one name. Black, a black comic. Sure. Yeah. Give it up for Shuly motherfuck, bam, bam, bam, boom. Just, sciss, sciss. What's up?

Yo, what is it? Check it out. I got glasses, bitches. Who's smoking weed out here tonight My favorite is if it's a white song or a black song there will be a comment, you know Do you know what I mean? No, like if it's rap. It's like really you had to do that because I'm the black guy Or if it's like cold play. They're like come on. That's what I got. Yeah, well, it's bad I get fat guy music that what is that? Don't put the boom put the boom boom boom at the view at the view they actually have your walking music. Yeah, good They fucking bring Dick van

No dress up as Ralph Cram, dude. I get Miss Celia down. I had written down his bouncy music. Bouncy music. It wasn't bouncy at all. It's not bouncy at all, you ass. Well, for two. Yeah, you're up then.

He's going to be a bad fan next week. Alright, let's go. Who else we would on the show? We also have Jared Freed. What up? The JJ Watt of Comedy in my tenure. Oh, the J, I'll take it. Yeah. I don't know what it means, but I'll take it. I don't know who's JJ Watt. He's a crazy good defensive lineman.

I'm a defensive lineman. I'll take a defensive lineman, right? Yeah, I wouldn't take that. Not a company. Okay. You guys are dumb and just big. Yeah. I've done animal, yeah.

Well, I'll take it. Well, I say it because he's got a motor Oh, I like that. He has a motor yeah It's like live streaming hour long shows about the bachelor's day I'm doing two podcasts doing he's at the seller. He's everywhere I'm working on he's sweating sweat equity. I'm hard That's why they gave him the nickname yeah, yeah Jay train Saga comes through the station three times a day.

Always on time. But he's like everything. I feel like I would hate in the world. But for some reason, he really comes on top. We get along. We get along so well. Leason and I are like cousins. Yeah.

I feel on that cousin. You should not like him at all. But there's something about him that you find out of liking. Some weird. I think a list of 10 things I hate about Jared, but I still just, he could be prevailed. Yeah. I'm not a blanking. Some weird. I take a list of 10 things I hate about Jared, but I still god, he means he wants to make love to you All right, who else we we are also joined by Lisa Trigger today

I guarantee nobody wrote down crush and pus as a fucking How about what's that thing he said? Oh fucking mechanism 2 p.m. By seven what I'm crushing puts puts that great a title are you great cuts because you can't crush plus kids? Yeah, I crush plus go get your dick game up. I crush bus. You know crush. Plus you you Mosh push I lovingly crush bus hit that iron son gets well I've just never been with a bunch of girlfriends and been like it was amazing. He crushed my It's completely crutch. What could I ask you a question? You don't hang out with Lauren.

You don't fuck fat guys. Apparently you'd never go with me. Because that's all they say. This motherfucker crushed my push. Listen, first of all, I just want to say Lauren almost died. No joke last week. We were talking about it on the pre-show. She had sepsis in her mouth from an infection.

I still think she tried to blow a guy to bus stop her. She gave head somewhere. Bus stopges. Yeah, some, you don't see that in the ad for Tinder. You had a mouse infection? Yeah, it was like a tonsil infection. I got into my bloodstream. Yeah, she blew a guy for spot time at Brooklyn.

Yo, yo, yo, you wanna get up. You wanna get up, you blow me in the kitchen. You only have to bark for 15 minutes. You all want things in a life like that. Yo, yo, yo, yo, I do this show at a laundromat. You stuck my dick in the detergent room. And I'll let you do eight minutes. You're on after the spin cycle.

What, so she got an infection in the throat. Her mother found her and what is it, septic shock. Septic shock on the floor. Her mother, this is the funny part because my mother's the same way and I hate it and I get into fights with my wife about it because now that I have a kid, when my kid gets anything I'm like check his temper, he's fine. Look it, I don't fucking remember seeing a plaque with med school on the wall I met you were a waitress in the nested Titian

If little max he gets a zit I'll go to you and I'll take your opinion of other than that Fucking stick that thing in his ass all his ear and tell me that he's all right All right, what's that? Of course you don't you fucking high I was talking about having children and having a life. She's in a mouth infection and you shocked on the floor She's her mother. I'm gonna finish. I went off on a tangent. It's called a tangent You saying that moms all just think they're doctors because their mother goes like this She goes mom. I'm sick my throat. She goes taking nap. She goes I can't I can't breathe her mother goes

Take a nap. Take your lie down sweetie. Take a nap. Maybe a hot shower, honey. Mom, mom, mom everything spinning and one eye is not working. What is she, a youth football coach in the 80s? Like walk it off! Come on, you're gonna be okay. Throw some dirt on it. My wife does it.

Like I remember I was, we got no fight around five years ago. I'm puke, I got really fight and I'm in the bath and throwing up Nothing Not I'm waiting. I'm not and I started fake driving at the end Just to see I walk out I go I go not even a U.K. babe I mean could you fuck I could you hear me? She goes yeah, I thought you you know You just throwing up a little bit. Yeah, but you come in you rub my back You find it if I choked and my dad am I on the fucking ground see my wife

Wait for then you dropped in front of your mother Well, I was like already like passed out laying there when she came home And she like took me straight to the hospital. I was like at completely done like done for it. Yeah, it's crazy So her my now she goes to hospital now me Jared. Yeah, Samarral, Rob sprints, all these guys who depend on her for, with the action, where the fuck is the thing? I'm yelling at her. Yeah, it's not like assholes. I'm by a pool in Sarasota going, did you get the fucking thing, Laminator? Yeah, she's got IVs in, she's dying, and she's texting back, I'm working on it. Yeah, Lauren, you need to, you need to play it up more, I think. Because last night I'm talking to her about it.

I'm like, what's, she was like, I was in the hospital, but like, they made a big deal of it. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Now I'm hearing, and it's like, this was like, we were at Death Stores Step. I know. I did with your mom feeling guilty. Well, she's saved with me in the house.

She's like, I'll never leave you again. Yeah. I part, baby. Yeah, she I'm about Jesus Christ. I mean, it's crazy. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again.

I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again.

I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. I've never leave you again. Yeah, it's very Jewish. I had a Jewish foster father.

There we go. Lazarus. I went to Jewish camp. I worked at first summer, so I have a Jew pin. Oh, here. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Moate left coming. Circle mingle horse. That was way more than I thought I was going to get. Yeah, that was great.

A donut lump. Yeah. There we go. Don't a lump. So you look a lot of Google. I can hear the listeners googling right now Wait so what camp camp Balacrest really with fish Really fish was John fish went there I I had I did you know each other it camp yes

This is very inside. I don't know how inside this is pretty amazing. This is pretty inside you know bimsy First of all you have to say You know him. I'm not that you was with the bimsy like you guys are at a bar talking Wait the guy goes to the JC Sanchez live screaming at me That what are you god for these mites work? Okay, it's a microphone. We're not downstairs with fucking You know, we had truly the one name black guy We Black guy and the next one. We, and it's like motor, let it work.

It's like fish, bipsy, you know bad. Listen, I'll explain it to you if you want to hear. A little backstory about this time in my life. When I came out of rehab, I couldn't live with my parents because my mother still treated me like I was drinking and drugging. I come home late after being, I went to a meeting and then I go to,

I hop and talk about, you know, spirituality for fucking three hours. Come home at one in the morning. She said, yeah, drinkin' and I was like, fuck you, I'm doin' the right thing. I had to go. We just couldn't live with each other. So take care of these little sons.

No, I go, I live with my foster parent. I move with Ken Lazarus, who's my, becomes my foster dad. What a great name. He wants, great name. He wants them getting paid to take me in. Now I live with him. He goes, once somebody goes, listen,

the camp hour crafts, they ask me to be the camp director this year. It's an honor. I'm going, you either find a place to live, or you get a job at the camp. Whoa. Now I, I, I say to him, I go, it is. No, this is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really it is. No, this is really really good. Can I be a TV show? I say to him, I go, this is what I'm not American.

I know what's the most, what is the highest paying job? He goes to lifeguard. I had three months to get my lifeguard. Yeah. I went, I woke up every morning, and I would go to school early and take a lifeguard test, like train for it, and then I took the test. I passed the test by three seconds.

Literally, touched the truck. I didn't have to tread water for like a minute or two. I had to do that, I had to do laps, the last lap. He was like, come on, three, two, and I touched it at two. It was one. I was one second away from going, you failed. This is a scene in this movie, yeah. You almost needed a lifeguard at your lifeguard.

You have to fuck it, absolutely. But I actually went there and for some fucked up reason, I had the little kids, I lived in the bunk to care of them and I had a lifeguard all day. He ignored me all summer. He stopped talking to me. The one guy in my life that helped me get sober, that was there for me, that was my foster dad.

I mean, this, I cried. Kenny laughs, he stopped talking to me. Why, why was that? He ignored me all summer. For what for what reason what was his he said he didn't want to show favoritism It's right so instead he went the other way He went the other way and I was literally a ship at sea without a rudder I want to building a tent today. This is a movie by the way this is too worthy What the Jews are gonna like Once it's in the ocean, like,

oh, it's about Irish people. Irish people of blacks. So we, that was pretty funny. I didn't February made that joke. But it was very funny. That part. I, um, yeah, and he ignored, I didn't know what was going on.

He just fucking wouldn't talk to me. And I needed talking to him. I needed help. Yeah, I was like a year and a half sober it was crazy and I remember I built a tent around my bed I want to and then I I got into this addiction of buying sunglasses and that's when I got the cassette tape Briefcase and I and I bought all these sunglasses at drug stores and gas stations cheap. And I put them in there and then I wrote shades

and graffiti in the box lid. And I just shaved, I caught myself shades Kelly. Oh, crazy. And I would wake up. So in between all these chicks, you're fucking. Well, I was, well, here's your story. Recrussian posters.

I mean, if you wanna see the photo, I have the photo, I mean, I'm sexy, well, I was, well, here's your story. Recrussian poster. I mean, if you wanna see the photo, I have the photo, I mean, I'm, oh, sexy, I was shredded. And I had lifeguard shorts and I had different shades every day. Oh, for sure. And I made the little kids call me shades, they called me shades. Really?

So they'd be like, shades, can we go? And I'd be like, all right, hang on, I go get a pair of shades and put them on. Yeah, I was crushed. What's the retinum with to get them a collage? So there was this crazy red head that used to be around, there's Shades Kelly right there. That's Shades Kelly.

That's Shades Kelly, right? You're doing the most Shades pose I've ever seen. But that was my, you're doing the half turn, looking over the shoulder shade. Did you pretend to be Jewish or everyone knew you were? No, I used to have on Saturday I used to have Catholic corner because they had two of the Catholic kids Yeah, so I had we would sit there because they never had enough Yamaha's for us

I used to give us napkins So degrading the gym napkin the you can't wouldn't spring for three more Yamaha Did you fucking play up a stereotype anymore and then we sat in the corner catholic corner and we'd sing the songs i tell you what though funnest because the the rabbi was so he he added songs he did like a billy jol and did it was just so

much fun jewish service on saturday is fun catholic's is fucking camp jewish sir camp is fun, what I went through and then Why is it fun? It's just because it's songs and they have a good time and okay, and they you know All a bread. Yeah. Oh my god I tell you and here's the thing I want to get in this girl of local red head she was a cookie a little cookie brought

I want to take him down to the boat house and she wound up giving me a little. And then I had her come back and she would strip for me and all these Jewish kids. The counselors. Really? Yeah, ask Sean Fish about that. Did you know that fish at the camp? They still talk about me at the camp. About that girl.

Really? Yeah, because. It was like legend there. I had music down there. I had a music, a boom box, and we'd hit the boom, and she would dance for everybody They still have your tent set up around your bed

I It's an homage attention tent. I actually would love to find I had a diary that year and it was the saddest shit I was and then when you came back to Kenny Lazarus talks you or that was the end of your I got in trouble one night I had this girl over and she was dancing for me and my friend And we were both cranking one out me and the other one of the other counselors strip club up there Well, that's why shades Kelly what he provides man. I really I really get some shades wants Meanwhile, you had enough shades to fill a tape case, but not enough to fill the void That's what really was her that's your right. I had a 67 4-door Chevy Impala right you could fix with a stick

Like turn on with this thing. I know I fixed it with a stick. I lit her the fan belt Follow I pull though. I got a stick on the side of the road and I put it back on this car was amazing I got this girl. She will sit next. She's would jerking off. She's taking a titties out and it was unbelievable and then can last bus And to this we had, he's like out. I bet he taught you. I need a there. Oh man, I got to, he lined the whole camp up. No.

All the council's on the lawn. He gave some, he lined up all the Jews. That's not a good. Never worked out well for us. That never does work out. Mike Reese, the football guy went there. Oh, Mike Reese. I know what this case. I don't know who the fuck Mike Reese. Mike Reese is on ESPN all the football guy went there? Oh, Mike Reese. I know, I know.

I know about this case. I don't know who the fuck Mike Reese is. Mike Reese is on ESPN all the time. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's weird. I don't, cause you don't know who the fuck was in that crowd as far as kids.

And you know, I mean, some, there's famous people on the big, John Fisher's and one of them. But I mean, there's, some Jewish summer camp, whether it's a religious or non-religious experience is like the best networking oh my god At an age that you don't even know what networking is I was the Harry's the razor company. I went to camp with him That I like

Magic what's his name Julius Irvings kid went to my camp right like these are like people everyone had a name I worked as kid I worked at. I worked at Fat Camp and the networking was not as good. You could have just waited. But the worst select kids. I met the daughter of hostesses. And it depends on what you're looking for. I actually met little Debbie, was my friend.

My Tyson's daughter was not so little. Really? Yeah. Should a Hello Kitty like Swarski necklace and then everyone is very jealous. Ha ha ha. Really? Yeah. Should I allow Kitty like Swarovski necklace and then everyone is very jealous. Oh my God. It was for me to see, I mean look, I never went to camp. I'm a person who didn't have money.

You went to the park with a spoon, right? You know what I mean? So to see this way of living that people would spend thousands of dollars each summer and send their kit away. Get rid of them. and but color wars and And then the the talent show and how much this meant to these kids it was generations after generations the kids Became older kids became the oldie then became counselors and then became alumni and there was I mean the tradition in this Was pretty epic.

I am one of those kids. My dad and uncle went to the same camp that I went to, my brother went to my cousin went to. What can we go to? Cedar and Maine. And then, here's how Jewey I am. You know, BBC? Well, that's the guy I know that he used to work. I know his son and he used to work at PowerCrest and everyone knows him.

Here's how Jewey I am. He, you were talking about a stick in the car. I had no idea what the fuck you were talking about. I know his son and he used to work at powercrest and everyone knows him. Here's how Julie I am. He You were talking about a stick in the car. I had no idea what the fuck you were talking about. Leeson mentioned Soroski crystal. I was like really? It's true because I'm parking next to sobs, beamers and you know and Mercedes not new, but you know these kids all had money and I went out with them a couple That was when I you know first got into Bruce Springsteen a little bit, because that's all they fucking listened to. And then I remember after this happened,

you know what I said, I lost my, Ken was my pal. Ken was the best person in my life. It's open to the most. And I lost him for two months. And then to find out that it was because he was, he did fucking, it's very strange. Are you I was not so what happened when you came back. I fucking told I was like you know what what the fuck we had a big fight and he was like I didn't want to and he was like I'm sorry I just didn't I go fuck you.

I know about his image. That's what it was about. Did he know you were an addict? Like did he know? Yeah. I'm not. a real help me. You know what I said? I met this guy. He was an outreach counselor when I was going to Juve Hall. So when you go out of Juve Hall and went to foster care before you went home, you'd go and meet these guys who come pick up and go play pool and hang out. So he got into my life around 13, 14. Now here I am 16 and a half going on 17.

And I'm sober. I went to a rehab for a year and two months I finally got it together. I'm one out of 30 kids statistically and I'm going to mean it blah blah blah And I'm living with this guy and all of a sudden we got to go to this camp and my life Felipa I have some empathy for Ken on this subject alone. It's because. Stick together. I don't know. What is it on your side, Bob? Here's the thing.

Here's the one thing I feel for Ken because he's bringing you to his camp. So he has a whole history there. It's kind of like if you brought a comic, like someone that wasn't a comic here. You know, you would be like, you'd have to mix those worlds and it's tough to mix those worlds. No, my sister's a teacher where her three kids go to school and she does not ignore them

The kids at the school of Chicago Jews do thank you correct me from wrong. Thank you. Wait. I do have a question Were you sober when you started comedy you've just been sober the whole time? Oh, wow Well, you went in a rehab at five Yeah, but I didn't know if that was that's that held on for that long. My question to you, and maybe you can correct me on this, because I've never been in the program, but being in the program to be sober isn't the backbone of that, is having somebody to go to, to talk to, to confide in. Well, I had a sponsor named Dick Marcott at the time to who was Guys can we grow up?

Bobby makes every name sound funny though Cam Lazarus Dick walk Say names I think I would like but any name is a dick my dick mark Digg Mark Hunt. It was Ironworker. I mean, fucking massive, dude. Just overalls, just as every finger was a thumb. It was just a fucking, you know, the sweet sky-assers are hard right now.

He actually passed away last year, which I was fucking kill me. Because here's the thing, this guy say, you know, another guy saved my life. He had a meeting down the street from my house when I got out of rehab. I found this place at his house, money nights. And I, you know, but the it was invite only. So it was maybe six to 10 guys there. Okay. Just men. And it went from seven to one ever. So sometimes you get to 12 o'clock. Seven to five. It was a commitment. It was a commitment at 16, 17.

It's what game, it cemented my foundation of not drinking and coming from a positive perspective. They'll tell you a lot of discipline too, there. It taught me a lot about being honest about you, when you fuck up that you can fix it, you can own it. You can apologize. You could, you know, it taught me so much. The 12 steps. The 12 steps of alcohol snobs. I did that for five years straight, never missing a Monday night. I did the same meetings Monday and Tuesday and a Friday meeting for five years

straight. I mean, never missing him before comedy. I was five years sober before I was legally able to drink. Okay. Now this guy was the shit. So he was my sponsor. So I had him, but he wasn't there. And I had Ken, I live with Ken. And Ken is the best. Ken is the I mean, he's the guy who took I cried for the first time since I was 13 with Ken one night. I just fucking lost some bad shit. I didn't know what the fuck and I cried for two hours. Like my whole life came out with Ken.

All the cries at once. It just, and he was just there with me. It's okay. Hold it. And it was, it's like like to me, that was, you know, I'm not sucking you dick, you know what I mean? And, kind of like, why would he wanna talk to you? Sound like a real bummer, I'll be honest with you. I keep my distance, too. I'm outta camp, I wanna join myself. This fucking, this emotional pussy fucking pussy

he's crying, I'm just gonna, you know, if it be, it doesn't get a kayak. Bring out tears for two hours. Well He no, but this guy was to go to the question the guy was my fucking life But that's what I'm saying is you have something that's so commonplace to you It's so regular. It's a normal thing where you can go to this guy and say hey, man Here's how I'm feeling today. What do you think what boom boom? And he'll listen or I'll give you some feedback and then he was wrong

He was wrong, but I but Jared's right So Jared has what happened when you guys got home for the love of guy high suckers I needed that support I needed that love The only way I was gonna get is you continue to live with him. I did. And but it was over. Did he call it from the Lazarus pit? I didn't know I'm surprised I got a lab. I was ready for a bomb there. I was ready to quit the show.

Stay true to your nerds. So that's what made it work. You talk about how we're actually kids where when I used to work at the summer camp, I used to weave have stacking you know your table. You know clean up the meal stacking You play stacking game so like put a finger on the nose whoever's last stacks the meal Yeah, freeze if you moved you have to stack the meal Yeah, we would play a game and it was what is daddy do and how does he get there? And so we would ask all the kids what is the and they would be like 10 So they don't even know why we're asking this fucking quest

Right, and they're like well, he dry and they would answer So honestly like there was no embarrassment of like well, he's fucking loaded There's one guy's like daddy daddy is in stockmars and he has a rules and he's like I want and then one guy My my father doesn't drive. Yeah, he has a driver. Yeah, and I don't know what he does That's the winner, you know like it was so we would choose like the worst the poorest kid would have to stack With these kids all day long my favorite lunch fat camp story was they had to pass the trays down to throw on the garbage And so we were passing in this girl reached over and grabbed them bro's just salad from someone else's tray Stuffed it in her mouth.

And then she was like, what do you expect? Like the automatic girl, what the fuck is an in-brosion salad? It's like marshmallow salad, it's like, are you type up in bruised a salad? It's like pineapple coconut,

it's like this dessert salad. Hey FYI, anytime somebody asks a question in the show You just type it up and find it Just moving around. Well, I've been watching him type for so long. He's the best. He's the best. He's the best He's the best. He's the best. He's the best. He's the best. He's the best. He has to it's like a crazy Oh, I've seen that. That's it. That's all right. I guess. It's not that. I'll fucking throw up I'm a fatty. I would need that. What is that camp? You'll take anything you get with color.

Embroiderous. You're gonna go all out to this point. Looks like candy, it's good enough. There's something that would come out of an old-age asshole. After you ate, the dining hall was at the bottom of a large hill, so after everyone ate that to walk up the hill, before they went to play. Oh my gosh.

Let me ask you evil. I want to get into this, because, all right, we talking about Jewish camp. Yeah. I need to know, when did you go to the table. Oh my god. Let me ask you evil. I wanna get into this because, all right, we talked about Jewish camp. Yeah. I need to know when did you go to Fat Camp? Well, so I was a counselor there when I was 20 years old and I had a high school girls. Okay, wait a minute, you were a counselor.

You weren't there. No, I was a counselor and I, because I, before I found my true calling and after I was arrested three times, I decided I was gonna be a PE teacher. And so, because I was like, I'm gonna go to this fat camp. So I went and worked at a fat camp and I got fired midway through

for failing a breathalyzer in the morning. But as they're... You have fucking vocal fry in there. I got fired in the morning because of braille. They thought I'd powder, don't have a breathalyzer. But then I took the bath. I was upstate in New York and then I got at 20. I got to come to New York and just live here

with my relatives for three weeks and it was the best. But, uh, So you're, you're, wait a minute, why, but you never had a problem with food then. Or did you have a problem with food and you were like, let me go help these kids.

No, I just loved working, like I was just working out, I was vegan, I wanted to be a PE teacher, I was on the swim team, like, I'm not an, So you was just, you were actually in great shape at that point. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I mean, You still have, You still have nice shit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah. You still have a nice, you still have a nice,

I actually found a photo of myself the first time I went up at Zainey's and I was like, why wasn't I a bigger horde? Like I looked great. I couldn't believe it. Can I say something about you? Can I say something about you? I was talking about you last week

and I was like, there's something about her sexy. Thank you. That would, and the guy was like, you're out of your mind. But I was like, I was like, talking to you. I don't know, maybe it's just me. I was a private conversation, Bob. Surely I'm sorry, I didn't know. No, but I was all about working out

and I wanted to help people, but it was crazy. I mean, this girl would be walking, we had to run and I'd be like, what are your goals? I just wanna breathe when I walk and I was like, that sucks girl. It is the saddest goal I've ever heard. How fat was it all girls?

Well, something that I was mixed, but it was it all girls well some nose mixed But it was a lot more girls and guys we had to go on like fucking patrol at night to make sure these fatties were fucking cuz they were all Wake up with hikis on their necks They have low self-esteem in our life. First of all wasn't it wasn't cuz they were horny they were hungry They do hook up I smell him on his neck because they feel like shit in their regular lives and then they come here and they're all fucking.

So how old are they? So therefore, I mean, it's like six to older girls that are like up to their 20s. Okay, so six year olds didn't have hikis. No, no, no, but it's just fucked up that parents would send their kid to fat camp instead of hanging out with their kids. I mean, it was like very sad.

I mean, you don't need to send a six-year-old. You just need to teach him. Yeah. I think I'm knowing it's Fat Camp is the saddest part about it. Like, you know, it's Fat Camp. It says it on the door. You're just walking in. You are huge as well.

I'm in the rage. They do nutrition classes. They have to work out. They don't even get you as you walk in. That's the worst part of you ever. That's the worst part of you ever. That's the most hot flirt of the time. That's the camp part of you ever. That's the worst part of you ever. That's the worst part of you ever. That's the campsite.

That's the worst part of you ever. That's the worst part of you ever. That's the worst part of you ever. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here.

We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here.

We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. We're here. they're still just trying to make money. So it would be like less food, but still not good. So the kids weren't even getting the fiber they did. Bubba, and brochure salad is not healthy. I know they would be getting like tang, like low fat Doritos. It was the craziest.

Low fat. It was like a weird place to read. So these kids were eating less than ever before, but not getting the nutrition they needed. So they were just lunatics. I mean, and since I had teen girls, the most fucked up thing was a lot of them just had eating disorders.

So one girl just had body to small fee a lot of anorex. So just working out extra like just running on the hills on their free time. So it was more a lot of mental. Especially back in the days, these weren't like run by like nutritionists. Like it was run by like some Jewish family was like, oh, we can make money off of that.

Yeah. And then they just started. Yeah. Yeah, it was this camp was on MTV's true life. I'm going to fact camp I was camp Shane That's Oh, yeah Yeah, nobody should play that.

This is the camp. If it's camp Shane, then yeah, yeah, that's where I went. Uh, well, and then I was like, This is the least hot pedophilia video I've ever seen. I've lived like some guys for like, Downhill. But the counselors were all in shape and like, the counselors were all fucking and.

So it's on the lake. Where? It's up in Monticello, New York maybe somewhere on a state. Yeah, by the religious Jews Do you imagine buying like just saying I'm I also want as a lake house and are you saving the money next? I think you buy a lake house next to a fat guy Just a bunch of fatties Buy a TP every night just hearing the tears at night They want you to gain the way back so you come back in the summer so they don't even really teach you and great So it's like it's very far from that and some people are able to keep it off and like Big pharma pharmaceuticals. They don't want to get a cure. They don't cure you. Right. They just keep you so you keep coming back

It's it's here's the thing with this, is that these poor kids leave camp the same fatness when they went in. No, they lose what you lose weight. I mean, you work out like three hours a day. And it's like the portions are just not what they're used to. The thing is they're not the problem with it. No, but we had to go, I mean, there's a movie about it, but we would find candy and blow dryers,

just to hell socks, like, we had to constantly be like opening light things. But the counselors are also fucked up so like when parent visit day came, they would rhyme the kids with food. I mean, it's not bribe the kids with food so they would like talk well about the counselor. I mean, it was like a fucked up place. But so, so these kids were, okay,

it's just like regular prison. I mean, they're bringing this, they have to smuggle this shit in. Somebody's giving them this stuff, and they're finding ways to hide it in lights. And I mean, you can't, the average kid is a fucking unscrewing a hairdryer and putting a stinkers mask in there.

I met the first two counselors I met where Zhu Rush and girls from Brighton Beach, and they were stuffing musketeers and paydays into their mouth, and I walked into the cabin, and they threw candy, they're like, eat it now before it's taken away. And I'm like, oh, I'm a vegan. I'm like, I don't have these problems. I don't know, it was like a different time.

But the counselors were crazy too. Develops its own black market. So like that's what this black market becomes. It's just all based on candy and food that you're not supposed to have. I mean, who's bringing this food, how the kids getting this sicker stash? They're preparing.

But the parents are paying five, five, that, it's like six grand a second. But the parents are also the reason why they're going. Hang on, what's the first place? It's six thousand. So you're paying six thousand. And they also,

for two months? I think it's eight weeks. So eight weeks, six thousand dollars. And you think the parents are giving them food? I know they are. I think they're preparing themselves. I think they's eight weeks. So eight weeks, $6,000. And you think the parents are giving them food? I know they are. I think they're preparing themselves. I think they're good. Kids are tight whenever they can in their bags.

And the parents aren't checking. Shuley, when I know they are, I know they are those fucking assholes. Even like gum and cigarette. Gum and like socks. Yeah, like soccer balls. I worked on the West Coast as a camp counselor for many summers.

One of my campers actually became one of the biggest male porn stars working today by the name of James Dean. Whoa! Can I say? I'm gonna tell you this. He's one of my family. It's so hard, it's too easy, but it's so hard. Ah!

He pulled up the dead act. It's so hard not watching his porn though, he's everywhere. I mean, I know, he's like, tell me about it. Wait, he did. He did. King was the first company to fire him and they fired him. Do you understand how funny that is? That little shit my face got. I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way,

I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm the way, I'm like, I'm like, she's two ease anyways. I I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I wasn't his counselor at that point. Julie, you're honor. Remember? Julie, you're honor. Julie, you're remembering this kid cop. Yeah. It was a game. It was a game. It was a game. It was a game. Julie, listen, this guy right here.

Yeah. Okay. This guy right here was in your camp. Yeah, he was in my camp. He was my kid. He was a person of best networking. You don't know you're doing it. Yeah.

What did I say? Julie's got to know. Did you ever, did you know he was was gonna be in show business or porn was any Clination what this kid was gonna be I will say that We used to we used to talk a lot at night. I would I would let the kids Let the kids ask questions about life and and we would call it the honesty night right and if the question was suitable for me to be honest with him, I would discuss it with him as peers, not as kids. And his question, you wanna see my coffee?

Yes. I've been hearing it thump on the bunk bed for six weeks. He was nine years old, he corrected me about reverse cowgirl, and I knew that not he was out. So he, he, he,'s two people sleeping above me. He asked about a girl breaking up with them and he was like, Tanner and he was really bummed out about it. And I remember telling him, I'm like,

listen, don't sweat it. You're gonna have plenty of girls in life. You don't have to get hung up. You gave him the confidence of a porn star for the rest of his life. I was saying, you see a little girl walk by, bowl like it. Yeah, just like that.

Ow. Ow. Yeah. Ow. Ow. Yeah. And he, and he, years later when I saw him, like he thanked me for that. Like he was like, that really helped me a lot that night.

Really? Yeah. Wow. But he was, all those kids back then that I had were wild. I knew a kid in camp. It wasn't John Fish. It was the last guy I picked to be in the business.

You know what I mean? Cause he's just a kid back there. Yeah, but one kid was very talented. I Forget his name. John would know. He's hilarious Funny talented and he had a big piece. Oh, he was one of the kids, but he was known to have a big Every camp. Why? We had a guy. everyone gets figured and gives a first blow job. We had a guy we called the legend. Really? Because of his dick.

I've never had a legend. You know the legend. I'm just kidding. His nickname was the legend and my cousin went running on him in the shower with a camera to try and get a picture of it. Really? I just remember the best part about Fat Camp

is all these international counselors came. So like people from Australia and they were, like they didn't understand. Like they just were very confused about the obesity. Oh yeah. They didn't they were horrified. Like to them, they're like, why just stop eating so much? Break dancer to teach dance and he didn't speak English and he was just like so confused.

And I don't think he knew what he got. And I actually hung out with the photographer, the photographer teacher at the camp, who was from England. And me and him, he had this really curly hair. I just hyperwad tried to fuck you. I don't trust any of these men anywhere near you. And he, every time you start talking, I'm like, and then they tried to fuck you.

He was sexy Bobby, but. Well, he didn't fuck. Six to 10 men, Monday nights, it went as long as it could. I'm like, oh, they all sound like does sound like But it does Sound like you walk into these situations to get fucked by dude Yeah, we'll move it going on in here Well, man

And I thought the same thing He was the guy I was actually me and him were the ones when I got caught by Ken Oh, you were involved We were in the photo lab that was kind of like an abandoned he took over as a abandoned bunk We're going towards the lake and he took it over for photos So we're in there one night and we were just fucking the dark room. We had to dance in and that we got caught I remember I was fuck two seconds away from trading jackets with him. He had a leather jacket Oh God is that it? He had a jacke? No, no, no, yeah, we're about to trade jackets

I had this regular leather jacket was kind of shitty. He had this Biker leather jacket, but he's an artist. He painted a rose in the back and he wrote rogue And I wanted this jacket so bad Everyone when you were young was everyone gay Every story that every guy sounds like the gayest person I've ever dealt with? Yes, shades and roads. The only reason he turned gay for a cop show. Yeah.

I wanted this jacket so bad. Shades wanted this jacket. Because I didn't even know Rogue Man and then I fucking went to a dictionary. I was like, oh, Rogue, I'm Rogue. Yeah, I'm Rogue. Yeah, that's not a rogue. Sounds a lot like me. I was just sitting there going, but all the kids are calling me shades now.

I'm gonna get them to change it to rogue. Oh, this guy. Ah! Can't pull me over. I almost just clocked second back down at the last second. He's like, I don't know, you know, I'm thinking I might just keep the jacket.

I was like, whatever. So you guys, you don't feel like a rogue to me. He wasn't rogue. He had curly like Larry from Three Stooges there. I was way more, that's a little rogue. You make shades with rogue. Oh my God. You also worked at, this wasn't a sleep boy camp,

it was a day camp called Twig together, we influenced growth. So it was kids from the city on the suburbs. So poor black kids would come into the rich white neighborhood, but the kids got along amazing, but the staff full race wars three years in a row. What are you talking about, but the kids got along amazing, but the staff full race wars three years in a row. What are you talking about? None of us got along. It's not like Chicago. The white and black count we never got along.

Why? Because the black count's as a lazy as hell. And the end of the week. Stuff ends up coming up in the show. Alright, we'll be right back with Anthony Cumian on the compound network subscribe There were just there were just like always I Got into a fight with one of the girls she looked like two-pock. I was scared for my life She's gonna be the shit out of me, but yeah, we just didn't get along We grew up differently we treated the children differently, and it was just

We couldn't really treat the children differently how Like you're supposed to sit with them at lunch And they didn't you know like They It was I mean, that's what happened at the camp and it was embarrassing because the kids are like I'm going to the south side to hang out with my friend this weekend And we're like we the our meetings are just us yelling at it like just Race wars. Yeah. Did you ever get physical?

No, but this me and this girl were like right and I was like shake. It was like the moment where you're like you shake and you know you cannot fight this person by every. I have to have I have you with my kids and they got that's a good juke. That's a juke thing. Everybody. Everyone of us. We start shaking going, oh my god. I'm gonna swallow my mouth.

It's gonna get me beat up again. Like my father before him and his father before him. of us we start shaking going oh my god I'm gonna swallow my mouth is gonna get me beat up again like my father before him and his father before him who's around me that I can pay to do something about this you can't do that in this neighborhood I'm if I forbid it I will do that why you win my face wait a minute that hurts flight or flight oh and to try to this is gonna make me seem like I'm a better person than I am, but basically a two boys and they got into a fight. And you're not supposed to put, like if you get physical contact, you're supposed to miss school the next day, but I knew this boy got hit at home.

Like I knew his family life wasn't good, and there was no way he should be missing camp. Right, I'm gonna. And this fucking bitch saw and like ran over. I was like, how dare you grabbed him? Like took him to the office to get in trouble. And then my head, I'm like, what are you gaining? Like what are you doing?

You know, it's like, why are you keeping him home so we can go get hit by someone? Wow. And so is this thing of the fuck away from my kids? I will handle them how I want to. And she was the director's daughter. And so it became a huge issue. And he missed camp and it sucked.

And it was like, you're not. He never came back. He came back. And then I did a TV wonder dance. I made him see me wonder. He shined No, like I made him be Stevie Wonder. He learned the stance. I'm just trying to throw it a joke. And this fucking said. I know. I just keep yapping over it. He settled down. You fuck I know you used to talk to yourself.

I'm a fucking other comic you hang out with. I'm just talking to just one as fifth super bowl. Just as fast as the rules. Mad. Mad. That was a little fat kid. Stuff and Snickers and the hairdryer was Tom Brady. Yeah. Her story was almost the exact story in the blind side move.

Yeah. Except when she told the other teacher, I let my kids fight back the fuck off. Let me do things how I want to do it. Yeah, it was just like, I was just shot, there would be moments where I'd be like, a counselor would be like, shut up because I said so. And I'm like, we're educating these kids.

Like, why are you speaking to kids this way? Is this a annoying man? It's fun. Listen, everything bad about human beings is taught. Yeah, I mean, it's just taught. Nobody's born an asshole. If you raise, if you spend the time with your kids, raising them not to be racist, not to have fear,

not to be angry, deal with their emotions, have self-control, we, if every single person fucking did that and the schools did that too when they were away from you, we'd have a much better society than we have. Call that shit's taught, All that crazy fucked up shit. That counselor who was a fucking asshole was taught that shit. Yeah. It's terrible.

Yeah, it was weird. But I did. There were a couple. I mean, I brought chairs. But I want to, you know, I want to pie eating contest there. And that was good. Well, and all the races were brought together cheering for Lisa. I know, I know, I know. I know, that's not good. I know, that's not good. I know, that's not good.

Hang on, I fucking talk shit. I know, I know, I know. Just a yapping fucking mule and quim you are. I, Jesus Christ. DraftKings.com, it was a perfect segue. So I just did, I... right into a draft kings and she kept talking to the king lezzarist who are i don't shut her down

i just want to lose a future job because i said all the black people at my job sucks you know that i don't say that but you said it twice christ and it's February uh... anyway strafking dot com lot of black people gamble i don't have says said And it's February. Anyway, strafking.com, a lot of black people gamble. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I you were somehow better than that. I'm sure that wasn't the case the whole time.

No, of course. I'm sure some of the white people were fucking assholes, too. Yeah, of course. I know you're trying to help her, but it doesn't feel like. No, I'm serious. Yeah, there was like one other dummy, but it was just like one. One other. All the black.

There were also black hunters over the best, but like at the meetings, we stuck to our, I mean, the fights just just separate the room separated by color I mean it would it just happened how it happened and then at the end at camp We would sing like together we influenced and like all of us could not even look at each other We had it each other so much crazy I was in the bathroom just now, but I just want to say I'm happy we can all agree that black people are bad parents Yeah, he'll a conclusion to that? I'm saying about the J-Trade every Monday night talking about the Bachelorette.

There are no black people on that either. No, this is the first season they've gotten past week five. It's actually like a big story. That's so, it's fine. It hasn't gotten past, so this is the truth. The Bachelorette week five is the cutoff for any ethnicity. And they have, this is the first season where two, and now there's two black women, there's still,

no, Jasmine just got out last. That's the three. She went out and flamed. She went out and flamed, yeah, it was wonderful. She's, she basically accidentally told the Bachelor that she has a choking fetish. Choking. And she kept calling it, she goes,

she's going up to the Bachelor having a one-on-one talk and she's going do you want a choke? Yeah, she kept calling it a choke This is where the show should have a button Where you push it and she goes right to the finish and you just marry that fucking weird And you want a choke Fucking confetti champagne a Toyota she wins a car And then she I fucking ch, and I fuck her. No, but she wanted to choke him.

And he was more than, I mean, I was more than, listen, I don't know what's happening with me. I had to go to the dentist today for cleaning. And she was, I had the female hygienist. I had a, she's grabbing my lip kind of, she's just opening my mouth, and I was like, ooh, I was like, yeah, fucking open that mouth. And I was like, oh, I almost like, yeah, fucking open that mouth.

Yeah, I almost, I don't know what I'm getting into. That's about the Indian guy that saves my beard, does that and I get hard from that too. So, any contact, this part is for you. What do you do in the fucking deepest station? I call it, I call it the good deal. I gotta make money somehow, right? I'm sorry.

All right, let me read this real quick. DraftKings.com, check this out. Tiger Woods is back. Yeah. I'm so excited. I hope he has a comeback. I really do. Come on, you never know.

He was the best. No, I know he was the best, but it's upsetting to see just him. He didn't even make a cut. I look, man, he's back. And that's what counts. We get to see him playing. He has a chance, maybe to come back so and So is week one of fantasy golf, which is great at draft Kings calm. I'm a big fan of golf

Whether you're a bonafide golf aficionado or you just you know Live for the thrill of fantasy sports, which a lot of guys do they love this fantasy man the whole I mean on anything You can just win your share of hundreds of thousands of dollars in total prizes playing one week fantasy golf at draft kings calm I love it because it was it was just seasonal and it was just football and and it was that was it and it was gone now you can do it with anything but that's always something going on that's the always something on or figuring out how to get a sniff every week. It's good. It's good. It's good. Look at you need something. You need some type of I know what I'm doing. Can I? I know you're going to the rear. I'm going to Vegas with 15 buddies. Yeah, 15 dudes for the Oscars. Yeah, to bet on the Oscars. That's great. And it's so manly. And we're all wearing tuxes. We're all going to a club that day.

Sunday, we're going to Lavo and we're doing tables in tuxes with champagne and fruit in the champagne. And then we're gonna go watch the backslur at the MGM sportsbook and cheer for it. Like we're cheering for the Super Bowl. And the back to the Oscars. No, the Oscars, I mean, you're right. My buddy's the best on the Oscars. I'll just say you are a fucking little slamer. Well, fuck. Hey guys, who's gonna win the Bachelor?

I'm basically doing that too. I've got pins here and take me. All right, check this. Draft Kings is the destination for one week fantasy sports and playing one week fantasy sports. Fantasy golf, it's easy. Just pick six golfers before A tournament tees off Thursday morning, then just sit back and follow the action live

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I'm yapping. Anybody can just focus on a golf game is psychotic. So now add this to it. Now add on in the background. Add this to it. Add the fact that this guy makes a butt. You're going to win some cash. That's crazy.

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That's code Kelly, play for free. Let me say that again, Kelly, and then free. For your share at the hundreds of thousands of dollars in totalCats prize, only at DraftKings.com, minimum five dollars deposit eligibility restrictions may imply seaside for details. That's it. Ben y vive la emoción de la Navidad con Yfema Madrid. Malinte, guá, Juvenalia, circlásica, oro viejo, Christmas by Starlight, Bres y muchos más para disfrutar con familia y amigos.

La Navidad cobra vida con Yfema Madrid. Entre en Yfema.de si compra tu entrada. Y Fema Madrid, siente la inspiración. And apparently he appeared to be moving gingerly the entire round the next day he put himself out of his own misery with drawing before his second round t-time Dude, what the fuck happened? It's gotta be, listen, no. Heart not a man. It's gotta be more than that. Back injuries, you can't back his back turns everything on.

Fuckin' all that. Put him in your back, so that- Yeah, but let's not blame a man for his own faults. Let's find a woman to blame. Right. I blame his back. Okay, let's do it. Yeah. Who? Oh, his wife. Okay. Yeah.

I blame the hooters. Yeah. I've been to 26 other broads he was fucking that put his back out. There's no way his wife is fucked him. And the other thing is that's just the 26 we know of. You're telling me this guy didn't have shit set up around the world. Here's the point to Dubai. He's got shit. So there's a problem with fucking tiger. This is dumb.

Cause he's half Asian? No, that's the sword bar. That's the plus. Yeah. He's against black people, and he's people can't find a race to get onboard. Yeah, she can. She can.

We're gonna find those tattoos on her body. She's, she's, she's, the Asian part of him is a great goal for the black marvams of the guy who likes to carry the clubs. Go ahead, Bobby. That was a terrible. To get the bomb rag on a race day. Yeah, that's actually a joke. Oh, listen. joke, Liza. Oh. All right. Listen, I just, I just, I, I just, I, he's not, look, he's not banging his wife.

I get it. You smoke, you married a smoking hot, wherever the ice-lin, what are you doing? You're in a Nordic or something. Whatever, right? And those girls always are hot and shit when you meet them. And then you have a couple kids and that little tiny body gets a little twisted her titties get a little weird And she's not the same because you you probably see each other naked all the time you got to you Decentitize yourself to your wife because you saw you know

You just farting and shitting and pissing and walking which is the world you cannot do that Are we explaining why Tiger would fuck other chicks? This is a foreign guy. This is me. He said, Listen, that you're not in. There's a lot of billionaires that don't fuck around. That's not true.

Absolutely not true. I'm gonna say it to make this point. That is the biggest lie I've ever told. There's 100 years. There's no 100 years there, fucking. Bill Gates is not fucking. You can afford a non-disclosure agreement than you'd like. I think no 100 years to fucking bill gates. You can afford a non disclosure agreement. I think Bill Gates is not fucking right Warren Buffett not fucking right,

but they've I bet they value their wives for other things besides hotbods. Okay. Of course, they've gone partners, but exactly, but here's the thing. When you tiger woods, if you're going to go and fucking bang on the road, you need to bang a couple. You got to get a guma. You get you can't fucking bang in the road. You need to bang a couple. You gotta get a guma. You can't fucking bang in every city and you can't be banging beneath your bang.

You can't bang fucking hooters. You gotta bang Smith and Lewinsky waitress. Yeah, but he needs, he needs. You gotta have to hand. You gotta help your restaurant. Yeah, but he needs, I'm sure there's a thrill to that for him also. But there's no thrill going into hooters getting shit wings which by the way the fuck you

The worst wings hang on worst wings on the fuck what happened to hooters by the way no we got wings No, you don't you have fucking pigeon wings the most passion. I've seen from you all That's one of the fun of what that fucking Hibro salad was. You're thinking of him in a, he's coming from a country club world. Okay, tell us. Let me explain to you what it's like to be us. Are you, can I ask you a question?

Sure. I don't want to overstep my bounds. Okay. Are you gay? No, I'm gay. Listen, are you from a rich family? My boyfriend is Ken Lazarus. Yes.

I just want to let everyone know now. As someone who's been to Jared's house, he comes from a rich family. Yes or no? There's not a boss in me, yes. They're doing fine. Okay, for who? No, but it reaches a, I would say they're doing fine. My parents don't have an issue.

So you're your parents are rich? Yeah, they do well not me. I'm not We're not qualified. We're not saying that you're some rich who bought us way into the seller and gave us a little extra cash Well, I did and paid and paid for them to redo the village on the ground Okay, we made a quick investment. They needed the money Separate things all of a sudden the seller has a new kitchen. They need a new kitchen. And Jared's in there, we get. Listen, a loan is a loan, but that gave him a good break.

Okay, look. So your parents would have money. Yeah. So you're coming from that world. You've been to a country club. My family was in a country club my whole life. A whole life, yeah. So you know what a country club is.

So I'm, yeah, you know. You just sign away like sign away like like like you have a number but you know that's uh... you have a number yeah right so but now right what number I don't get it like you have like a code like you know that you would put down and I never been let in one so I don't know this thing is well yeah you could be if you wanted to fix the internet yeah we need yeah I'm saying like the tigers living in that world where like a hooters waitress them is so far beyond the women he comes across on a daily basis. So it's a thing. It's a thing. He's going down. Maybe. So he's down. It's why billionaires go to like city areas to pick up chicks. There's a thrill in that chase. So that he's so far that

way that that is something. Yeah, we can't think of Tiger, like Tiger is like a black athlete, but you have to think of him as Uber Rich athlete. Like he is, and he's probably not rich, but golfers grow up in country club. But he didn't,

but he did have to play at every country club growing up. But he played, he played, the first black person that played on a bunch of green. But he was, but he didn't, but he didn't but he didn't here's a Here's here's my thought on this that yes, okay, if you if you came up and you became a world's greatest golfer Okay, yes, that would come into play what you're saying. I don't think Tiger was allowed after the game was over

He had to go no, but he was on the Johnny Carson show at eight years old. Okay, but where'd he go from? He's from trix. Where'd he go from eight to fifteen age? You have to, a golfer, I'm not a golfer, but I like, my dad plays a lot, my brother plays a lot. Okay. If you're a good golfer, they don't care what the fuck you are. Get the fuck in here and win some money. Really with me. I want to see how you play.

They're very interested in the game. And they are the white people in this game. Yes, they are the white people. Not her they. These people. Yeah, I'm saying they like seeing talent in golf because it's so hard to be good right so when they see someone with talent They're like play with me. I want to be around you screaming against Like my dad my dad's friend. I know I put together the new Mike saying

About the new Mike saying you're all new. You're all new. You're all new. You're all new. You're all new. Shit. So I might as well get a little chance. But I'm saying like, my dad is a friend whose son is like spectacular. He's this guy's son is so good at golf that they just invite him out to play. Yeah. He doesn't pay.

He's just there to play because they're like, we want to play with someone who's all. So you think that then now here's a deal. He's got all these waitresses and all these women all over the place. And he's just, he's the greatest of all time. He's getting paid from everybody. Nike, I mean, he is the motherfucker. And he's got this beautiful wife, a beautiful kid, and he's all set.

And he throws it all away. But it's like Patrice's joke about the banana peel where it's like a man will just fuck a trash woman. Bring that up. What is that? It's a joke about like if you ask a woman, like a man will just fuck a trash woman. Bring that up. What is that? It's a joke about like if you ask a woman like who would they would cheat on a spouse with? It's always like, well Brad Pitt, and then for guys,

it's like, I like that girl in the garbage can. How the bananas right on her eye. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I mean I do a joke about this but all these dudes Arnold fucked his maid like they all just I was like Everyone I'm thinking about that the other day and he had a kid with her right and he looks like her and him Yeah, which is fucking it's crazy and he's like and she's she's really is she good looking no she is No, but I have a we have a friend who is in a relationship and she Bring up on a friend bring up with just like a crazy know it's like it doesn't Bring up bring up on a shot the fuck up bring up on it's made bring up on Schwarzenegger's made guys when you hear me talk shut the fuck up I also wanted to mention I made this round thing I differ from you

So sorry not yet I'm excited when also when it comes to tighter being this golf Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Look behind you What's your name? Let's introduce the couch. I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm gonna look in a second stop telling me how to do this I'm gonna have a fucking reveal I want to get their names and then I'm gonna turn around It's called the build up they made a hot kid though. We're gonna do a build up. You're looking. I'm not what you name Skylar no shit You're up made stage Skylar. Are you really no shit. Skylar, you're up made stage, Skylar. Are you really really Skylar?

Do you play an instrument? No. Do you do anything in the arts? No. What, what, what, what your parents fucked up? They shouldn't have named you Greg. What's your last name? Gannett.

Gannett? Skylar, do you suppose we're an American idol? Are you an ex-man? Yeah, you're right. All right, let's see what you got. Skylar Ganet. Skylar, I was just looking up behind you. All right, it literally looks, yeah, that I was just amazed.

I'm gonna look right now, Skylar. I can't wait. Skylar Ganet. Skylar's just a plain douche. Now this, what? What? Are you Jewish? Half.

Half. Which half the Skylar? No, no. Yeah, yeah, Skylar's a Jewish name, right? Yeah. Yeah. It half, the Skylar? Oh, no. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Skylar's a Jewish name, right? Yeah. It's Dutch. Is it Dutch?

I thought it was like a California surf name. Skylar? No, it's a good name. I mean, say it's Skylar. That's a great name. Yeah, Rachel Zo has a kid named Skylar. All right, I'm going to look. You ready?

I'm looking at what am I looking at? Uh, the kid, it looks, it'll that picture, and then the picture of the kid, I mean, it's almost. Picture the kid? But the. I mean, someone else. But the, I mean, just animals. Yeah, do the surf, or the kids like, God. Oh, yeah. They literally have the same forehead and mouth. I mean, they literally, they made a fucking, I mean, it's like the,

it's like the Conan bit where they used to mush two people's faces together It's like they took the man. How do you fucking? I did not that's so funny. No, if you're like I didn't know you don't anybody and then they just pull this fucking how dumb is a real striver This kids clean in the pool. Yeah, okay. Go ahead son. I mean go It's crazy, but he fucked her. Yeah. That doesn't surprise me. But I would be.

Would you fuck her? Yeah. Yeah. No, maybe, I don't know. That's good. She'd have to be really good at cleaning. I don't know, I'm sorry. I don't know, it's just like, you know,

I mean, he threw away a Kennedy. And he threw away, he didn't stand the Kennedy legacy. He threw away, I mean, you're talking, if you could just keep, I mean, just do something else with your dick. Find a hobby, wood making, something. She's got to dress up here in the kind of sexy. That's probably the 90 Funkter.

Yeah. She look like a Puerto Rican fucking tinkerbell. I don't know. I don't know. You got a hot girlfriend until you ask her to put your finger up your ass and then she's like, ew, and you're like, okay, let me go to the fucking dumpster. Can I say something? I guarantee that when you think about this, you picture him just, you know, I want to do it.

Oh, you titties. I'm guarantee she had something to do with it. Over time, she's not a being flirty Letting him. Oh, you're so strong. Whatever. You know, there was some two-way thing No, we have to make sure men don't take responsibility for their actions for sure Listen, and she's a fall too. It's not a hundred. She's not married. You're out of your fucking mind He you're out of your mind. She she shouldn't allow it You have to respect as a woman

Well, you have to reschedule respect for another woman and her family and the sanctity of her marriage You should respect that woman. Yeah, maybe not the husband. You can't just say you can't just say you want the May to have more respect for someone's marriage and family than the man in the marriage and family are they say both should It's 80 20. It's not like no family. They both should. It's 80-20. That's not like... No, it's 80 fucking... It's not 80-20. I want to go over that math again.

I want to stop myself. 80-10 and two five. Deepu, what is it? What's the percentage? I don't even know what we're talking about. We have to reset. We have to do a quick... Why?

They're telling me the stream just went dead. But that looks good to me. So let's take 10 seconds. Who's they? Blackburn. Are we, is it look good? All right, we're going to do a reset. We're going on the audio though.

So we're still there. I think, listen. I'm not saying she's, I mean, it's 6040. Right? We're going to take a little reset right now. I don't know what the fuck. I want your throttle. I want your glorious Steinem Vag sweaty and wet when you talk about this. Listen, we're back. All right, here's

a deal. You don't think she has as the maid, as knowing the kid, being a friend to the woman, she was going behind everybody's back to. And at any point, if she said no, you're out of your mind, it wouldn't happen. He actually wanted to fuck too. Okay. Bird doesn't bit about this too. He's talking like the goalie. Of course he does.

He's a fucking genius. He takes anything that nobody would talk about and then fucking makes it. He has a maybe- He's a special- I think what Bob is saying- I'm sick how good he is. He's like the woman flirted. The dude just couldn't say no. Well, Bob is saying he's got- He's got I'm sick how good he is I'm like the woman flirted the dude just couldn't say no

Well, but by the way, he's got he's got not listen to the blame listen listen He's you would just give him a hundred percent of the blame I'm just saying you were just giving him a hundred percent of blame so stop that horse shit We're humans. There's always somebody. It's not just one guy because that's called rape Yeah, a hundred percent of the blame when they're she she's saying is, they were a cacute, these two fucking pieces of shit. And they were involved. And yes, it was his family,

but she was part of that family. How crazy. Okay, and they ruined a family. That wife lost a husband, lost Christmases, and a lot of her. But look at that, but they made a hot surfer. They made it, you can. I mean, he worked, he's at our first verse, huh, but they made a hot surfer. They made it you can

First of all, he's he's cute and Tahiti He's not cute. He's not cute in Long Island He's long Island. They're gonna try to fucking put chains on it. He's a Tahiti His weirdness. He's gonna grow into that weird, you know. He should have a fucking, a fish hook that does magic. Fucking, control whales. That fucking, I mean, he's not right looking. He's not fucking great looking. I think how is it possible that Swarzen Ager didn't

get us, I didn't have a heart attack? All that steroids, all that stress of heaven, a fucking killer. Because he has it. I really like you. And you have one heart problem because How come MJ didn't fucking die Michael? Michael Johnson no Michael Johnson's badger Johnson should have died of AIDS everybody was dying

I accept him. I'm saying money like I get stressed out when I like you know when I pull out and this guy's got a kid running around Pull out pussy I'm I pull out and this guy's got a kid running around. You pull out pussy? He was like, I'm not gonna pull out. I live in May. I mean, I don't know that that's the biggest ego in this entire world. Of course, it's Mr. Universe, it's Terminator and the Governor. I mean, he's probably, what? He probably thinks he walks on cloud.

Do you think, now, let me ask you a question. Do you think that women as women now, or, I mean, look, comedy, it's women. I mean, there's a lot of, that we went from no women comics to all women comics. SNL, it's all women that are funny on that show. I mean, they're just hilarious. I mean, it's crazy.

So now, as women become this big, how can we never read about that? How can we never read about like, Goldie Han the fuck in the pool boy? Because that's hot, we're not running. It doesn't work, though. I'm asking the woman, what does she know? I'm kidding.

That's what it be, yeah. I mean, I don't think men are as attracted to like, like very few men are like, oh, I can't wait to get a funny, successful girl. It's like usually one men say a girl with a sense of humor. It's that they find it funny, you know what I mean? It just doesn't work that way if fucking wise.

Yeah. But girls, I mean. I'm sure Kate McKinnon is eating tons of box. Yeah, for sure. I bet. Kate McKinnon. She's a lesbian, so I'm sure women are throwing themselves at her, but I just don't, I don't know.

Weird, very weird. It's very, you don't see the women giving a press conference with her hot husband in the room. You don't see the surfer to any guy in the background of a woman CEO who's three bills being like, I am here to tell everyone and here is my husband. Yes. Chad. Yes. Sandra Bullock. Sandra Bullock hang it with somebody. I fucked up. Number one, we never we'd never rat the chick out. Number one. Yeah. You kid me. So you're saying that these girls rat the guys. Well, no, not in all the not in every case.

I mean, he can't. That the Schwarzeneg every case. I mean, the that the Schwarzenegger case, I mean, a fucking idiot could she kept it in for a long time. I know. But once they got glimpses of this kid. I know, dude, this over. But that's so funny is that the kids hanging around. Elvis suddenly hits around 10. And you're like, um, um, hang up. Um, Mary Bell, listen, your kid, who's the daddy? Well, Tom Arnold used to tell stories of him and Tom Arnold. Her buddies used to hang out at his house. And the kid would walk by and talk when I was like, Hey, man,

what the hell's going on here? Like bring it up to him. I mean, like, leave it alone. Like, leave it alone. Yeah. Like he knew you before he was public. That means Maria now. She of course, because she's not dumb.. Yeah, that means they highly intelligent human. It got out and then they have to talk about it It got out and went into that maids vagina and then that that's what happened because there's no there's no getting out

That fucking kid walks back right right right right right by you with long hair going on going to the beach The first time he leaves and he goes I'll be back mom I went to the beach the first time he leaves and he goes, I'll be back mom. I was like, oh my god. What happened? Could you imagine being her and then coming home and then seeing that kid and having to fucking like do that math in your head and go, now.

I can't imagine still making the beds. Like she's still cleaning up the house while she's got the kid. How much money she's making? Now. Do you know how much money she's making then? Probably a lot. Yeah, he was buying her side enough. Not to fuck her boss though.

At the end of the day. I mean, if you're being professional about your job, who fucks the maid without a condom? Who fucking, what narcissistic psycho do you, are you? That you fuck the, the four and a half made without a condom. I like the idea. And then you come.

And you come in her. That's your old animals. I mean, that's the lesson here. I mean, we're living a living with our worst friend every day as our penis just down there, and being the biggest asshole. My friends, we don't even talk anymore. You and your penis.

I mean, you haven't seen them in years. Now, I try to talk to him and he fucking goes in like a turtle. He just goes away. He's like depressed. He starts, I did cast, he's bipolar. It's like, when we start pulling on it, it just goes, leave me alone. Didn't even say anything.

Nothing. Now, he just turns around and goes, I can, I can have moomp moom when he goes back in my ball sack. Such a smooth way to say. The VU music comes on. My dick's like Howard Hughes at the end of his life. Just fucking long fingernails and hair. I mean, I mean, I look, there's always a girl

on the other end of it. Those girls with tiger woods, you knew that he was married. You knew that you were breaking up. You knew what you were doing. They want to fuck tiger. I don't blame that. That's wrong. I don't blame that. You're saying that they're like, hey, you want to fuck?

It's like, they owe nothing to nobody. I think the swore to you. You're lying to the person you are. But if you're made vows to a human I like I think that a woman if a woman Respects other women Okay, yeah, but women don't have to be perfect. I mean, I'm not saying it's equal if a woman respects another woman She's not gonna fuck him. Do you think she does who gives a shit? I understand where you coming from look? You want a fucking dude who's married?

Because it look number one. There's no responsibility for you, number two. But if you're gonna go rat him out, if you're gonna go be a fucking rat, then you can't do it because, hey, I don't care. You know, whatever he does, he does, but I wanna fuck this guy and I'm horny, and I like him and that's fine. But if you go rat him out, you're a fucking double feng.

And tie your... You're a bad person, it's not that. That's shitty. Like if you fuck, even if it's not fun, you fucking... Listen to me, if I take're a bad person, it's not that. That's shitty. If you fuck, even if it's not fucking, you fucking quit. Listen to me, if I take you on the road, you open for me, and we fuck one night, I just eat your pussy, you blow me,

but then we fuck all night. And then we get breakfast in the morning. I'm like, oh, Billy, you know how it's gonna go for us. I just like, you're on the chair on the room, not the desk chair, the other chair with you on the bed. I just eat your pussy, I just fuck, I have a son in the room not the desk chair with We get fucking Chinese Just came out But if you went if you if you if you went and ratted me out, it's like fuck you

For sure, I don't even think that's a marriage I remember Quentin Tarantino fucked a random girl and then she went and wrote all about his weird things Like I think that's a fucked up thing to do. No matter this like no matter if you're a man or woman That's a crazy person tiger the serves more blame than Arnold Then Arnold does and that's why no you crazy Arnold's got the house keepers working at the house knows the wife all that shit Tigers who does babe doesn't know fucking tigers wife from boo I got tiger saw it out tiger saw it out if you fucked his caddy would have been different. Yes Tiger's, who does babe doesn't know fucking tigers wife from bow?

Tiger saw it out. Tiger saw it out. If you fucked his cat he would have been different. Yes. I just understand why relationships can't evolve. And like people just be more honest with each other. And I don't know. It's just like I feel like dudes want full control over women instead of being honest.

And they're lying to these people. And it's just like, why don't we just be more honest with each other and get the relationships we want. And instead of being a bunch of liars. I like Bobby Stable. I mean don't do that, but I don't we just be more honest with each other and get the relationships we want instead of being a bunch of liars? I like Bobby Stabler. I mean, don't do that, but I don't get it. I don't get it. I know, I think, I think, I think,

I just don't want the mother of their kids to fuck other people, but it's like if everyone wants to can I tell you why? Can I tell you why? Because you have a, you know, my wife goes and fucks dudes. Now this fucking idiot comes in her, they get too crazy and they don't fuck, and something happens, the rubber breaks.

Now I got some fucking, you know, some half-quad of Molly, half fucking American Indian kid that I gotta worry about in my life now because she wanted to go fuck around. Look, and you know, and disease, blah, blah, blah, blah, too. So if, you know, if you gotta fuck around, first of all, you gotta wear a rubber or be safe. You know, you got to know who you fuck.

You can't just go fuck a waitress. You know, and then you have to get on NPR. What happened? I don't know. I don't know. Little chief Gonzalez. It's tough. I like your theory, which is, look, it's okay to be a whore.

Just don't be an asshole whore and wrap me out. Look, it's good. You can't, you can't, I don't think you can have you. I think you can, oh, men are pigs. But you're also... When women, when, just me says, I don't even go men are fucking pigs when there's a woman attached to that too. For sure, I just think, let's say, I'm trying to think of a celebrity, a lot of people like, like Ryan Gosling. He's what they have in my hands, right? So let's say you have... No, no, Ryan Ryan Ryan Reynolds. Okay, now by trust I believe in him, but I do too.

Yeah, I believe I believe in I believe in their love. I believe in their love. They live up near me if you want to come up one. I like it. Yeah, shut up. All right, let's say you know Ryan Gosling's out and goes to a hot girl and is like, oh, I want to fuck. Like are you telling that girl is gonna Say no to Ryan Gosling, even though she knows they have amends is there like you're putting all of this Responsibly on girls that are humans too, and it's like, but what about let's say Bobby finishes the show somewhere

And a cute girl comes up to him after a show says I'm a huge fan of yours. I want to have sex with you. Nobody will ever know It's Bobby's responsibility to turn that down. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's not going to do it. But it's his response. I'm trying to set up something. It's all right. If you just let me look, it's my responsibility to go, Hey, but if, if, say, say I did do it, and then this girl immediately went out and said, Oh, blah, blah, blah. I'm a set up or some, you know, down the road, something happens. It's like, look man, if you both as adults make the decision, if my wife went and fuck some dude,

and I never heard about it, it's never gonna hurt me. And she has to deal with whatever. She might never regret that in her life. She might never do it again, but she might never regret it. She might be like, oh, that was a great time. She might use that for the rest in her life. She might never do it again, but she might never regret it. She might be like, oh, that was a great time. She might use that for the rest of her life just to fucking get off on the tub. Who the fuck knows?

Now, if she did that and she told me about it or was lazy about it or got pregnant, I'd be like, you fucking dumb bitch. You fucked up our lives. For what? Just fucking be smart. If you know, whatever the fuck you did, just let them think of fuck you, whatever.

Be a professional. Yes. Yes. I like the idea of pick up line for a married chick. Just being like, yo, let me get you off in the tub. I just didn't like after all this happened with Tiger Ever and was mad at the amount of money the Swedish woman got.

And it was like, yeah, but they had a thing. He fucked up. It's like, that's what happened. Yeah, look man. And she was playing by the rules. Yep. She was home, she had a kid, two kids I think. She was planting, now this is a smoking hot Swedish girl,

fuck, who said, all right, I'm gonna put my body on tilt for a couple of years. And I'm gonna take myself out of the game. I could have married some Swedish millionaire, whoever the fuck was, somebody who helped children, and I went and married you, and now you fuck me so, now she deserves whatever the fuck you do. And she was side-swap, she came outside

with a fucking golf club to beat the show. And it's not even that, the women like this was in a rain, a lot of pussy, shit, what a pussy. He ran away, ran away. And he was like, hit that club out of a hand and go, sit out! So, when he said he was on pain killers, that's why he got in an accident. What up, guys? That's what annoyed me, where it was like, he's got a club on over here. He goes, sit out. He said he was on pain killers.

That's why he got an accident. What up guys? That's what annoyed me where it's like, and your match got money. It's like, girl, that's what I'm saying. First of all, you humiliated her. Here's the deal. Here's the deal.

My wife comes out, I'll take the hit. You get a couple swings at me. Yeah. I'm gonna let you fucking beat the shit out of me a little bit. I'll take the problem. You don't run a fucking way. Well, the hit she took in public was everybody's looking at pictures of her video of her and

they're going, who the fuck would cheat on that? Jesus Christ. I was all beautiful. I hate blondes. But don't have to inform me. I cheat on the first month for her. I think that was more humiliating. She's got a black bush. That's not real. You know, the black. Yeah, dead black bush. I'm in the black. That's her nickname in high school black bush. I'm in the black bush. That's your nickname in high school, black bush. I'm BB. No, I'm kidding. Yes, she's hot.

She's hot, but I mean, look man. The reality of it is, is that that hotness, that thing that we all chase, because that's what we've been told, goes away. As soon as you see it, you get a kid, and you get desensitized to, there's a book I always talk about the kosher, the kosher sutra written by a rabbi and the big thing that hit me out of that book was You can't walk around naked. You can't walk you, you got to tell your wife to put a shirt on. Don't shit me from

Front of each other. Don't shout. You desensitize each other's bodies. Her titties don't mean anything. Oh, don't like dad that grown up. He walked around that very day. Yeah, but her titties don't mean anything to you after a while. You see your tits, it's like whatever. But if you don't see your tits, your wife's tits for a long time

and then she takes her shirt off, you're like, those are titties again. Sure, I mean, it's the same concept behind porn. You watch too much porn, it desensitizes you to actual human contact. Yeah, and you start going, you start hunting down like weird porn. You watch too much porn, it desensitizes you to actual human contact. Yeah, and you start going, you start hunting down like weird porn. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. If you marry, if you marry for hot, you're fucked because there was another study that came out a couple of years ago. It was like attraction decreases by 10% a year. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like

a year 10% and then there were like, and then there was like intellectual attraction decreases by like 2%. So it's like you are fucked because you get seven years out and it's like we're down to 30% juice on this. Yeah. You got a bad cell phone at that point. You look for a charger. I'm not quite as dangerous for women to like,

for their number one place in the earth to look to men for their validation because it's not real. And so. It's bad, what's the worst? That's why like hot and it like trying to get hot for dudes are being like, I want dudes to accept me. It's like they don't value you on a real level.

And so it's like, that's what's dangerous. And that's why I think women end up hating each other because we're competing for this thing that in itself isn't. It's an impossibility. I think I think I will still. Yeah, we'll still go for the dumpster banana. I was talking to my therapist about this today. It seems to me that at my comedy shows,

anytime there's a really hot, like stereotypically hot girl with that fucking asshole attitude. Hey, yeah, you were good. I'm kidding, I laughed. No, I don't know. You know, I had one of those girls in my show this week.

People are still doing that to you. I'm just saying, like, you've been doing this a long time, your professional comic. People are still doing that. Because my actors. Yes, because men pretend these girls are funny, so they believe they're funny. I can't say that I'm like sad that I have to deal with this

20 years from now. Listen, my, I come on after the show. And I mean mean I'm outside It's great one of the best shows of the weekend. It's so the fuck up. Yeah, it was unbelievable. I'm really happy I mean just the anxieties over I'm I went well, you know and Every her and her friends are there and she's just being in control She's like not used to not and her boyfriend., I'm like, all right, I'm like,

listen, aren't you settled down a little bit? You being a little fucking obnoxious. You know, and she was like, what? I go, I know, I know. Nobody fucking says nothing to you. I know, because you're smoking hot. You do nothing for me. You get that?

Nothing. So I don't give a fuck. I, you know, and I looked at her boyfriend, I'm like, dude, what the fuck? Her powers are useless. Her powers are useless, and she couldn't fucking hate me quick enough. She was so mad, and then she goes,

I didn't laugh at you at all. And I was like, I was like, yeah, you're dead. You're a fucking idiot, you're stupid. And if you didn't laugh at me, you're fucking nuts. Psychologically, you need fucking help. It's like, it's like, you're, she is so, you, everything depends on what she looks like, everything. So when you get a person, I believe who's, that's why I think that if you're fucked up a little bit, if you, if you're not that perfect shit, that you're a better person, because you're

humble, you don't like yourself a little bit, or you, you have to fight to really, you that perfect shit that you're a better person because you're humble. You don't like yourself a little bit, or you have to fight to really, you know what's important? Me who I am as a person blah blah blah. These people, their whole lines. Well, because these really hot girls, I feel like dudes have been trying to fuck them since they were 13 ever. So it's like, then you're mad that this girl's an idiot,

but it's like, you guys just keep letting, you ever got a lot of being in it? But some dumpy guy likes me, I should be going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I'm like, shut the fuck up, you're annoying, and she doesn't get it, that doesn't compete with her. That's a new world to her, yeah. Yeah, well, you should be fucking wanting to fuck me. No, the real response is always like, well, you're just jealous, and it's like, that's you're just like, not being. Jealous of not having a fucking personality?

But in the same way, it's not all tiger or Arnold's fault. It's not her all her fault. Like if you've been living in this unreality. I don't think it's hers at all. Yeah, like I think there's, well, I mean, it's not that of a self responsibility. It's your responsibility. You have a, you have a responsibility

how you treat people. To not let men, to that, that shouldn't be your, it's not, but it's not just men, baby. It's you, it's women too. It's her friend. You be it. And all the, every commercial and her hair looks like the broad and the fun and the and the ass looks perfect. It's your fucking culture

that made that piece of shit. Okay. Not us. What's not us? What are the boyfriend looks? Because most of us guys, most of us guys marry who we are. If you're a four, you're marrying a four. If you're a six four you're marrying a four if you're a six you're marrying a six maybe a seven You know you're marrying where you're at kind of most people that type of shit happens once in a while And we're all like what the how the fuck can happen this this crazy person she surrounds her self Guaranteed like famous people do when they get famous with fucking people who never say no She's and those people around her would just let her and I was I go she always like this

Whole fucking yeah, they were all like oh my god. Thank you. I Fellag on you fucking Corks again, you're a girl friend. You let it be a twat like this Well, it's even when girls try to set you up like Like, you ever have a girl, like a girl will say, you have to explain their friend. And they're like, she is gorgeous. And you're like, okay, not that hot. Like, you know right away,

because they're overdoing it to let you know. And she's guys think she's hot. Oh, she's hot. You know, like, it's like these little tiny things where it's like, why are we just saying? I, you know, to me, there's always something when you like somebody. It's not the looks, it's the actual energy. There's something about somebody.

The best fucks I've ever had or the best sex, not fuck, the best sex I've ever had had nothing to do with the person's physical, it was just their thing that we had. Thank you. Lea, please. John, will was just their thing that we had. Thank you. Lisa, we're not talking about that. Julie, you are just, it's just your confidence. That's on the couch for you, which you're,

don't forget it, live it, feel it. Lisa and I were talking about this the other day, well that girl that's like trying to like, nag you, like being like, oh yeah, that was her. She's doing, she's coming at you trying to like, prove, well I'm funny too, everyone thinks I'm funny. It's like, I've always dated girls where it's been like,

we're an improv team. We're not an ego on stage, then you go on stage. It's a horrible relationship. You're not funny, you're fully shaved. That's the only reason you're here. And she thinks she's nagging me. I just made fun of myself for fucking 59 minutes. You can't be honest about yourself for two seconds.

I told 250 people I have a dead toenail. And I do. Right. It looks like cheese. I'm, eh. Nobody's looking for that person though. That's just like the, the nagging. It bugs me that, that good looking people

somehow think they get, it's so, that's why I love comics. I love us, because none of that, it will never get by us. You can't penetrate us with it. You can, it will never, looks have no, not one ounce of energy in our lives. It doesn't have any power at all. We're also, we're, we're damaged human beings, and here's the kicker with us.

We know we are, and we know why. We know how, we know where, and we're not afraid of that, we embrace that. Yeah, it's always the hottest girl in the room that does this to jokes. Oh, yeah. And it's because there's no sadness, there's no, you know, it's always, she's like,

The literally makes you wanna take a kitten and just rip it apart. That's what I was like, oh, that's all. This is what you say, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was like, that's just it. That's what I was like, that's all. That's what I was like, that's all. This is what you say. Oh, yeah Me feeling fat today You know like that's all I couldn't time my shoe. Oh, no

Well anyways, this is a very interesting show. I mean we went off on fucking tangents Tangents that's what happens in a room you get three shoes before I'm a three and a half We got Lazarus. Yeah Body less some of us are shades Lazarus. We actually W W We actually hooked up again three two years ago. He came to my show. What was that one? It was great Yeah, we're too glad because sunglasses I got a face I get up a whole room. I just could find the I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, as a fucking recovering alcohol surviving Jewish camps is not easy. Especially when you're a goyem. And you're fucking one and a half years sober. Can I just ask a quick sunglasses question?

Because I'm fascinated by it. Did the sunglasses match the shirt you were wearing? No, no, no. Did it match anything? It matched my mood. Oh, ho, ho, ho. I had my spence of a higher stress. Spence of the one with the gold wrap around.

Some people have a mood ring. Yeah, Bobby had good shape. It was a, huh. You know, the, remember the cassette tape suitcases? Absolutely. It was like a briefcase. I had that. And I took out the cassette tape part so I could fit on my glasses and I had them and I took out the cassette tape part

so I could fit all my glasses in there. And I had them all lined up in two rows. And you gonna work today? No, it's just my shades. I remember, I raised, and I learned how to do graffiti and I wrote shades in graffiti. But I remember like I would line them all nice. Bubble letters, right?

And I remember, if I went home for the weekend, I would take them home, but they don't they you know there was no it would just all fall together So I have to get Sover wearin hot wheels right? reorganize If I had this is how much time you had on your hands before candy crush I could raise so much money for something I want to get a shade on display for the studio. You know when shades is coming down the street

because it sounds like a burglar walk in that street with a bag with a kid. I guarantee, I guarantee. You know what happened is that I lived in the house with Ken. And then after that it was kind of downhill from there. And he got another forest that could come out of the center. Spanish kid. He's on the next right? What's Ken's deal? Why does he get into this? Like what does he get out of the house? He got another foster kid come yellow sentches Spanish What's Ken's deal? Why does he get into this like what does he get out of I feel like that's what I want to do

My 40s is be the foster mom. Yeah really well, you know, it's it's weird when you affect somebody's life with love and You know psychology. Yeah, it's a pretty powerful thing to see somebody yourself. Well, you see a kid succeed. And you had something to do with that. I mean, if you look back on my life, Ken Laz is, if I didn't have him in Juvie Hall, and if I didn't have him there at that time,

I might have drank again. I might have went out. I might have been, I don't know where the fuck I'd be. He's a very important part of that. I just, a few years of my life. I just imagine Ken in the back of your show three years ago, like the, like the janitor in Rudy, sitting in the hallway, just going, giving up quick fist pump.

And he's like, we did it and then walks away, like the quick clap and then walks down That has kind of the opposite we made it Five foot nothing Hundred and nothing and not an ounce of athletic ability You made it to laugh I feel like you, you fucking yeah. I'm like, it was just like enough. I think it's because I haven't seen Rudy. So I was like, I'm up there. Yeah, five foot nothing, 350 pounds.

I have a friend who has an opposite. She was a juvenile delinquent and she's sober. As she's sober, but she's more annoyed. Like she hates one of these therapists and these people come back and try to create it for her life where it's like, fuck you. You're actually disgusting in my life. You didn't have a, like, and she kind of gets annoyed when people wanted to try to credit for her life where it's like, fuck you. You're actually disgusting in my life. You didn't have a, like,

and she kind of gets annoyed when people want to take credit for her success. Well, he doesn't take credit for it at all, but. Well, because he's probably a good person actually had an influence on you. Yeah, Dick Marquard. I mean, I was trying to put that.

You saying names. Oh, sorry. It sounds like you were raised by two voiceover ledges. I was like, I was like, I was like, what are you gonna raised by voice over ledger What are you gonna write down voice over legend? There's the real question that's a nice wordy iTunes check out this week's podcast voice over legends

It's on the line. No, they're shooting I know. You know, there's a real quick graph for it. When you went into the gas stations, I feel like I'm on stern right now. When you have it, when he does his little thing, let me ask you something. When his gas stations was the guy like shades, and when he sat, and then, and was it like,

Peeley's big adventure, he go, got some new stuff in today Come here. Look here. Like this one second. I got you No, Mrs. McGreevey. Yeah, there you go. Follow me in the background check these out Full mirror He's the ones patchwork Put them on this guy. Yeah, are you still a sunglasses guy? I am but I am a one Sungla I want to see my new ones.

Shut up. You're gonna love these bugs. I guess they're in my bag, get my bag. Let me tell you something. You spend hundreds? No, no, no. I spend a hundred bucks. These sunglasses, I cannot walk by a gay man

without him going, where did you get those? Oh, I am not fucking, women's fucking time I wear them. Um, whatever gay guy is near me will come up. Where did you get those glasses? Every fucking time Bobby hangs out at sunglasses hut so much he calls it the hut just hanging. I got a shades frequent shopper card over there. Bobby's rummaging through his bed right now. Well, I just see on the screen It says George Lopez to sit sit your ass down and get the fuck out

I don't know if I missed oh yeah, this George Lopez had some woman at a show I don't have them with me, but I will get I will get a I will have my wife take care if I had a mommy right now You'd love them you mean you would be like, you'd be like, I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to.

I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to.

I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to. I need you to..E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E.E. Where the fuck did my my Indian go? I think where is fucking deep vision pull up?

I'll be the bad out of you go the beat the bathroom. All right cool. Let them really keep us hydrated here. I like it I need it. We need some more water. Can I get one? Thank you very much. You need a lot of you don't have them going in a hole What's how they do it back home? What's that just a hole in the ground? I just piss a shit in it. What oh no? I don't just cut one in the floor No, you know what my friends just got, as a housewarming gift. Can I have a diacote?

What are those things that clean the water? A bidet. It's an apple and bidet. And I guess it's like, Oh, do you have one of them? I'm gonna listen to me. I had a bidet for 10 years. I had a bidet for a while.

I had a bidet for a while. I had a bidet for what I would be called gay. I look like a bidet for it. But I had friends go, dude, you're gay. I'm not hanging out with you. It is the engagement wedding gift of the year. I'm calling it. It's unbelievable.

Is there a difference? I'm listening to me. I had a bidet. You know what got me in a bidet? And I'm always getting full credit. Joey Cola, one of the nicest, funniest guys in the planet. He told me one time he goes, listen to me. He's babywishing you shit.

Oh, get a bidet. I'm like, why? He goes, you're spreading peanut butter babywishin' you shit, oh get it me day. I'm like, why? He goes, you spreadin' peanut butter. That's all you doin'. I go, what the fuck are you talkin' about? He goes, go get peanut butter, put it on your arm. And then use toilet paper to wipe it off. And then smell your arm.

Right, you're gonna smell fuckin' peanut butter. I love that Joey Coles is like to make it not gay for all the people he's been explained to too. He's gotta like give a whole analogy with peanut butter and shit. Oh, I get it now. You know, we have to be okay. Well, you mean dumb to dumb.

Yeah. Thanks. Thank you. But I'm like, the first time it ever makes, he goes, the only part of our body, we don't use soap and water to wash is our asshole. And shit comes out of it. Which is ridiculous.

It's ridiculous. And it's, it's an old custom that we never evolved out of. Yeah. And they don't know how to use baby wipes and have the drains flush. You can't. So they haven't made anything that we can just wipe our ass. You should be using a wet, a baby wipe something

to wipe your ass all the time. That's why we have such fucking hard, our assholes when we're young, looks beautiful. And then by the time you're 50, it looks like an elephant's knee pad. It's fucking just because it's been shredded and shit on its whole life. Sure. You know, so I got a bidet and I've never looked back. I clean my ass hole. It's the best. I go to bidet.com too. I have the heated seat. I have the heated water water my thing goes back and forth massages it has the

bidet part it has a uh... uh... an animal one to so if you have a few little clogged you can fucking open your bottle up a little bit and shoots up there and takes it out like when they're mining on the side of a hill and they just spray spray in the cliff side yeah that's it that's a that's a masturbating. Well, you see who's the guy's wrong fucking that's why you're

in hospitals with infection. Yeah, it's masturbating with everything you come contact with. Yeah, I watch her get shocked a couple weeks ago. It's a pater pain. Yeah, it's hard not to want to think about masturbating if there's like, the surprise water underneath the air vagina. Yeah, that's it. So let me ask you a question. Go to the bidet. What were you going to say about the bidet?

Oh, I just said, I'm a bunch of my friends have got them as gifts, and it's like kind of the new thing to give couples and housewarming. Have you used one? No, we're going to get it. We're getting a new roommate in March, and we're going to get a squat. We're going to do it all.

We're getting squatty parties. We'll do the party. I got the squatty body too We're gonna do it all heard about that on the Stern show by the way Yeah, well, I don't know I when I worked in summer camp one of the guys I worked with one of the counselors He was like a survivalist guy. Yeah, and we stick the kids on a hike every year Big long hike the entire camp and he told me he says It uses really guy and he goes listen if you need to take a shit while you're on the hike, bring a rope with you, you wrap the rope around the tree, and around your waist, and you can tie it,

and you lean back, and you will be suspended in the air, and you can shit. Which is the same concept of the Squatty Party, which you're basically- It's found it better. Yeah. Way better. So I- They should hire him to do a squatty potty commercial.

Right, I've definitely watched a porno of a girl tied to a tree and getting fucked. So I, I, I, I, I don't, listen, this why I love you in hatred. What the fuck? How does that hide? What do you mean with it, like a, you know, well, she tied frontways, like her titties on the tree?

No, like Like this to the tree was behind there. Yes, so like a witch Yes, they're gonna let her on fire It wasn't like a high-tech tree, but they were gonna leave her So I didn't have a rope with me I had a belt with me Yeah, and I found and I had to take a shit and I found a smaller tree and I wrapped a belt around it. Now obviously I couldn't put it around my waist so I held on to it like handlebars on a motorcycle. Please tell me this answer you falling into your own shit.

Exactly what happened. My belt at rest soon as the shit fell out of my ass the belt snapped and I fell right into what just fell out of my head. You turn your asshole into a Play-Doh machine, and you mush shit back into it. Now, twigs and leaves and dirt, like regular Play-Doh becomes. Oh my God. So that's crazy. Let me tell you something. I remember when I used to camp a lot,

and you dig a hole, and you used to put a stick, like from a tree to another tree or a tree to a, you know, so you can sit on the stick and your ass hangs over it and you shit into the hole on the other side. And I was shit in rope. Like you shit on these, some of these toilet bowls, my feet are dangling. It's so high, it's like a stool. Too much, I don't know. Yeah, like, you know, no, the owner, he has like a load toilet bowl bowls at his house, right and you shit you shit you see literally squatting down. Yeah, that's the way you should shit

Man, I'm telling you I got I fucked up. I got the wrong toilet bowls Because I wanted the ones that you have two buttons, you know, so you don't waste water I only waste them water and they're a little high So I got the squatty potty and it brings your knees right up and you shit rope There's a poor man squatty potty too, that little, that little step up. Your children, that little step up stool that the kids use to stand up on the toilet.

You just take a shit, just put your feet up on a little stool, but they have the, they have the travel squatty potty you can get now. Well, yeah, you blow it up and put it in your bag, blow it up, and then we take a shit at a hotel, you feed it up and you take a night, because it's and then we take a shit at a hotel You feed her up and you take in night cuz it's a shark tank product Squad, yeah, but that's a real commitment to your shitting is to bring a portable apparatus to help you shit for the three Shits are gonna take

Really I'm shitting I brought to the chicks place and she had a squad party and it was like I slept in a chick's place and she had a squaddy party and it was like Like I like telling love Like you show me yeah, if I'm you fuck there and shit in their place in the morning. I went there you know Enough to fucker not anymore. Did you know or know or no? No, so you just said so some chick you kind of know I had to go and I was like I got to go into basic maneuver. How much DNA do you want to leave it? Had to go and I was like, I gotta go into basic maneuver. How much DNA do you wanna leave it when she's supposed to? Jesus, all of it. I think it's so weird.

I know what I do is when I do, when I shit at the girls place, like I have to go, I will squeeze, and as the shit's coming out, I will flush at the same time. So it's literally like it never appeared, it just goes straight down. But then when he smells,

no, the smell goes away because it's only your asshole that has shit at that point. It's the hoody. Yeah, you literally have it go through the trap door. So you flush at the exact same time, the shit falls out of your ass and now it's gone. Wow. And it smells a lot of work, man.

That's a fucking. It's a good idea. That's a great idea. Then you do the second flush. Fucking Horseshoe. Yeah. She's against the door with a glass.. That you got the two flush because then you do the second flush fucking Horses. Yeah She's against the door with a glass Yeah, I just shitted each other's house. Did I hear two flushes?

Are you probing? I have yeah, that was a problem. That's like my mom. She would do the same thing. Why are you flushing twice? I don't know. I don't know. I didn't when I first moved to New York. I got an agent at a big agency really big and of course, my frosty was my manager who's still my agent, my PR agent. I was still my PR agent 20 something years later. But I remember I was signed, it was so big and blah, blah, blah. And then I remember one night, they were coming to see me,

and they showed up at the club to sell, and he's like, dude, I'm fucked up. And he's like, I'm like, why? He goes, I was just over at our house. And this is like a big agent. And he, I think she took a shit and didn't flush. The agent? Yeah.

And he goes, I walked in. It was just a really huge log, man. It was just like, I didn't think it could come out of her. He saw this big log and she was a real small person and it fucked up their relationship. Like he couldn't... This is girl. No, this was my agent, my TV and film agent.

So you know when you think of something big up there and then you see one of their shits, it does... Everybody poops, man. I know, everybody poops, but you don't think of that. And then, so, like, if I went, if me and you say, you're on the road with me, right? Yeah. I'm in there.

Hold on, how would you go down on her? She wearing a sun dress again? Yeah, she likes it. How long would you be going down on her this time? 40, and it's... I did, but that's not real. Would you rather find shit or like a diva-com blood? What?

What's a diva-com? It's been around for a few years, but it's basically a reusable cup for your period because tampons aren't regulated by the FDA proper. I'm gonna let you answer that on your fucking own. Would you rather see shit or blood? I'm fucking shit. Okay.

Who would have fucking- Blood didn't want to see. Who would pick blood? Well wait a minute, where am I seeing? Why would you pick blood? In the toilet, in the toilet. She changed, she's out of the deep, I can't put it back in. I go blood.

Are you kidding me? Yeah. I'd rather think she has cancer than she takes giant demons. Fuck that. So it's reuse, on then you wash it, but then you don't pay. What do you do with that? You dump and then you put it back in. What is that?

What the fuck do you do with that? It holds your period when and where? In your vagina. Is there a plug on the bottom? It's a fire versus it. It holds it for 12 hours. So you pull out a cup from the magician? Yeah, and then you drink it.

Did you say time off? I'm like, wait till Max comes out of the bathroom playing with it one day, and he's like, no, put it down. What, I've never, why, what the fuck? There's nothing deep about this, man. There's gonna be a fucking cheap hoe cup. What beauty in the beast toy you shove in your toy?. So you put is it does it collapse on itself? I've got two as gifts. I haven't used it yet

But I'm going to because I was just on this cruise ship and they didn't have any tampons So it was a nightmare so you so you so you put that in your vagina It feels that much blood into it. Yeah, and then how do you know when it's full? Well, it doesn't lead you just do it biologically throughout the day, but it's supposed to hold like up to 12 hours and not leak. So you take the cup out and it's full of blood. Yeah. And then you pour that into the fucking,

and then where do you clean this little blood cup? In the sink. Where I brush my teeth. Of course. Yeah, you're not coming over. I don't have a word about that. Yeah, we're not fucking. But it comes with a solution to clean and stuff,

but people that, and then there's Thinks now, which is great too. What? Type Thinks are underwear that they hold the blood so you'll never leak again. Yeah, those are attractive. I'm sure those are sexy. No, they're not bad. They're in the blue.

Yeah, looks like I'm fucking in the blue. So now with Steve Ackub and Thinks, it's all reusable. So you don't have to fucking keep buying tampons. Look'm sure they're not. Yeah, looks like I'm fucking women in the jungle. So now with diva cup and things, it's all reusable, so you don't have to fucking keep buying tampons. And shit, the underwear looks good. Yeah, they have ads all over the subway. What is it? Why is there an orange? It looks like a pussy.

It's sexual imagery. Listen to me. So these underwear, so you just bleed and stuff. No, you wear it, you wear another thing, but usually like tampons, but all their failures.

Yeah. And so you're just leaking all the goddamn time. Really? Yeah, it's so hard. I've never heard of this. And so with this, tampons promise later. Yeah, so tampons promise to be good for six to eight hours, but they're always leaking. Let me get in the brain.

I need to ask a question. Yeah, okay. So you're telling me right now that when you guys have your period, you're definitely leaking blood. There's never been one period where I'm not leaking at least a couple of days. Have you ever heard of? How come I don't listen? How come I don't know this? Is my girl that fucking like magical?

Listen, don't get that period. Couple hours, she pops a tampon and don't look at my vagina when I tell you this. I can't help it. I just picture a bloody scum. She pops a tampon and four hours later, she forgets the tampon. The little blood came out every time that's how it happens.

And so with this underwear, it doesn't go through. Can't they? And it holds it. And if it's a light day, you don't have to wear anything. You just wear the underwear. You know, like those turkeys that have a thing that pops up when it's done, can they have one that's for a tampon?

Well, the, uh, it's full. It just ding. I just feel it real heavy. And that where you sneeze and you're like, oh, oh, it's the worst when it comes. I just feel it real heavy. And that, or you sneeze and you're like, oh, it's the worst when it comes out. You sneeze in blood shoots out of your pussy. You just feel it and you're like, god damn it. And then you know it's too.

Sometimes it comes out half way and you just gotta deal with it. Or like, what comes out? The tampon. How? It's just, cause it's too full. All right, we need to move on. We, I'm done. I'm done.

I think anyone who signs until, let's say you're at a tailgate. And the giant of laws, like any like, you know, like baby laws We need to move on. We I'm done. I'm done. I think anyone who signs until I'm at the Dina laws like any like you know like baby laws should have to know of course periods because I'm I'm looking at Bobby. I was making this I had a girl explain to me her period like a month ago had the same reaction as you I had no idea that there were all these gadgets and gizmos that was going my wife my wife the bed, one night had an accident which was up here and I saw the blood. I was like, is that from your brain?

Like, why is that? Why is that so fucking? Why is there no oxygen? What the fuck? What happened? I always thought vagina blood would be more misty. You know what I mean? It was like cuter.

It was like a fucking surgery. It looks like the Betsy the candidate's convertible. I was gonna do an example that you can understand like why it would be felt like it's you're on your period but you go to a tailgate and you can't get into the stadium yet and you're just wait and then you're like, oh I mean I can't get to a bathroom yet and I'm just gonna have to believe. So with these things it won't go through and it holds all the blood. And they just did this in 2017.

Yeah, they had to do funny. My friend was an investor early on, but like, yeah, and the dangerous thing with tampons is not that safe and they don't do the extensive testing that they should do. Why I think, thanks, I have no idea. Well, I mean, aren't you already, shouldn't it be like fucking finally?

Yeah. Thank God, but it's like wearing a diaper. I have no idea. Well, I mean, aren't you already shouldn't be like fucking finally? Thank God, but it's like wearing a diaper. Oh, you should call them. You won't throw up. Well, on this cruise ship, we went to do comedy. It was this metal cruise. So I got my period. I was a surprise. Something I was out of whack. So the stores are all closed. I go to guest services. They're out of tampons. They don't have change for me to go to a bathroom machine. So they only sold pads. so I did buy a fucking pad on this cruise ship. And then the next day, in the morning, I wake up and go to the bathroom.

Pullman to wear off the pad is so cheap. It falls in the toilet, cruise ship toilets. And now there's this, I have to get this bloody pad. I mean, it's like a nightmare. And if I had a diva, and the reason the two other girls I was with, they had diva. How did you get it out? what do you mean? how did you get the bloody fucking

I wrapped it into toilet paper and I picked it up and I put it in the fucking so you had to take a fucking bloody falling apart thing and throw it in the barrel and they had the made cleaned it up I left $40 in a bottle of vodka okay is that the going range?

Well, because our brush ended up being bloody. I mean, it was like me and Annie, it was like. This cruise ship has had the machines in the bathroom that you put in. Who was this a Staten Island ferry? That's the machine. Who booked this? Who was Gomez? Close, big jet.

But yeah, it was like Papa Roach was there, seven down. And then we were at Papa Roach, one of the, we're in the drummers in his cabin. And Annie was like, it felt so good, emptying my diva cup in his fucking bathroom. Oh. He was like, nothing felt better. You probably want to get a right as Bands name on the wall with it. All right, let's go to this clip real quick. I gotta stop talking about blood and shit.

My god, that's why you wanna know why my podcast isn't popular enough for you fucking cock suckers? Cause I was gonna have a tranny's blood and shit. That's what I'm fucking talking about. Nope, I do a new IUD joke and after like most men don't even know what I'm talking about. No idea. Alright, I wanna hear this. George Lopez says what

uh... we're better be good give me a more kidney it only don't marry somebody and don't work in front of our house that's what you're talking about now that's what you're talking about that's what you're talking about Sit your fucking ass down. Sit your fucking ass down. Sit your fucking ass down.

Sit your fucking ass down. Hey, you make a sure, sit your ass down. You can't take the Joker in the wrong motherfucking place. You can't take the Joker in the wrong place. So sit your fucking ass down, so we can get the fuck out of here. Sit your fucking ass down. I'll get the fuck out of here. I'll see you. The City of Fondar is now on the Get The Fondar. The City of Fondar is now on the Get The Fondar. I see you. Oh yeah, take all the fucking out of all the fucking out of your mask.

Oh yeah, take all the fucking out of all the fucking out of your mask. Oh yeah, take all the fucking out of all the fucking out of your mask. Look at two choices. Shut the fuck down or get it from out. Oh yeah, I'll tell you what, I'll make the choice for you. Get it for that. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here.

The only one said. I make the choice for you. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm going to take a joker in the morning and the phone plays five. Five. Five. Five.

Five. Five. And the four seats just opened in front. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I was about to say you better be funny at one point. I'm so glad. Yeah. Was that too fresh? Where was that joke?

Where was it? Let's break this down. Number one, number one, the guy video tape is a piece of shit. Yeah. You fucking hunk of garbage. You can't shut your fucking, you can't just live it. And that phone was going before she stood up. So he was just taping it for his own fucking shit.

So the venue should have been on that. Fuck you. Fuck you. Shame on you. For having a guy hold up a phone for more than fucking 10 seconds. Yeah. Shame on you. Whatever fucking venue, whatever crazy venue. The celebrity theater in Phoenix, George. Yeah. Fuck you. Fuck you. For not. It's a nice place to do a show. There's a crazy. That's the thing. He's the most. He's the most happy number one. Well, this is the most comedian thing I've ever seen He George love has is a like a millionaire upon millionaire. He's has a crowd going fucking nuts for him

And he notices the one woman in the front who's not laughing and Mike and I was getting up and talking I'm sure she was flipping. off. She was flipping them off. She was flipping them off. She's some hot chick where the titties out. Never been told to shut the fuck up, but I'm not making this a woman thing, but I'm gonna say it. Most times it's a fucking woman. Oh yeah. Oh, I'm I- Oh, I'm I don't I never have a guy. A guy will say stupid shit and then get kicked out or kick himself out. You know what I mean? Most of the time it's a it's a girl. Yeah, it's a girl.

Guys are animals. Who is going to yell out and say some shit or fucking blah, blah, blah, and talk back and there's a new thing in heckling now where people have conversations and they think I'm not talking. I'm not tackling. No, you're literally having a full, every time I start to tell a joke, you turn to your guy and discuss shit.

And you're in the front row, and you discuss it loud. This weekend at the fat black, I'm doing this, and this couple just keeps talking and finally I'm like, just stop talking, you're in the front. And he gave me this look, I'm like, you're looking at me like I'm being crazy, he's like, you are crazy, just stop talking, you're in the front. And he gave me this look, I'm like, you're looking at me like I'm being crazy. He's like, you are crazy. I go motherfucker, you are in the front talking.

Do not spin this in any way besides you're being crazy. And then his girlfriend ended up yelling at the manager and that Brandon, like flipping out at everyone. But it was like, you were being crazy. They think they're in the right. Yeah, they couldn't be more wrong too. If you go to a theater, if you go to a show, a theater, and you see cats or fucking beauty in the right. Yeah, they couldn't be more wrong too. If you go to a theater, if you go to a show, a theater, and you see cats or fucking beauty in the beast

or the Bronx tale, you shut the fuck up. Same thing, dummies. Yeah, the problem is, no one, the problem is people don't put comedy shows in the same phylum as Broadway shows movies, which they should. I'm gonna stop you. I'm gonna stop you.

I'm gonna ask you to dumb that down a little bit. Okay. There's people, nobody thinks of a comedy show like they think of a movie. Thank you. Nobody thinks of them in the same- I got you, couch. Arena.

I get you. Skylar. Everybody went Skylar. Skylar. Skylar. Skylar. No, I'm saying like, because even when someone, when you have a friend come to the show,

they text you, what time do you go on? And I always say them, whenever the movie starts, you get to the movie. Like you don't just show up with that the part you want to come to. Can I tell you what the problem is? It's alcohol. It's it. Once they, once they made shows about skirt steaks and fucking alcohol, you get those people. That's it.

You know, I tell you, the show's that are fun, fans when you have your fans, because your fans know you, and they're gonna knock it drunk, they're not gonna, but if you bring somebody that doesn't know you, they'll get fucking tagged and say some shit. If some guy likes you and you bring some new girl, she'll fucking say some shit.

When you get your scholars, your exavers, when they're at the show. Well alcohol is the main cup, I guarantee this chick was shit-faced and that gives you the courage to she's yelling out at them. Now here's a problem is that I had a couple leave, my show this weekend and off the hook, right to the right of the stage, hot blonde lady,

and her fucking dumb rich rich in Florida which is different rich by the way the manatten right so joy and come tag yeah just cuz you just cuz you got a beamer down there in a fucking five bedroom you're making you only five percent more yeah yeah deep who could be rich down in four okay walk in dogs he'd have a bidet he'd have a bidet and a fucking beamer. I should go. Sorry, you can't. I already had the bomb in. So listen She got drunk. I fucking was they don't understand that and nobody can hear them because I was talking to the club manager And she's like what she came up. That was a great show. I'm like yeah except for that couple She nobody else hears them talk like a dog whistle though. Well, yeah, because you're right there.

Sure. And you're in your head and then you hear anytime. She looks just like Gary, doesn't he? Yeah. And you're like, and she's not saying, fuck you, you stink. So in her head, she's like, he just looks like Gary. But it looks like a friend Gary. But what's annoying is when you don't even,

you're not even rude, you're not even at that level. You're like, hey, you're a distraction me. Can can you just please stop talking and then they get offended and mad And it's like I just asked you to I'm I just kindly asked you to stop distracting me They should be eliminated from the show immediately every comedy show. Here's what you do. Okay. I'm gonna tell you For the future people you're gonna empty your blood cup I'm gonna tell you, you're gonna get a... For the future people, you're gonna empty your blood cup again. You're gonna get a wall. Fuck it, that's all I think about now.

I'm gonna pop it up. Bleh. Just a fucking little weird blood cup. That noise when it hits the water. No. I just feel it filling up. And it tips over like a mouse trap. You know what I mean?

Blood's going down the drain like some Vietnam movie. As a showerering off. Here's a deal. No cheques pot, go fuck yourselves, figure it out. Stamp receipt on the way out. That's how you solve it. Why stamp receipt on the way out? You get a door guy, a bouncer, a big guy.

There's plenty of them around. They want jobs. You get them, you hire them. If anybody brings a phone out, if anybody's on their phone, they walk over and say don't get on the phone. If you do it again, you're leaving. You're gonna have to tell you to leave. If someone's talking at all, okay?

And they get shushed three times, three. Hey guys, keep it down. Guys, I'm gonna tell you one last time, you're gonna keep it down, you're going. And they go, this is it, you're going next time. And then you're gone. And then you train your crowds, like theaters train their crowd. If you talk in a theater, there's ushers that will tell you

to fucking leave. You think that's, how is it impossible to change that rule because if you get big enough to have it in your rider, you're not in the club anymore. No, I'll tell you why, because the clubs don't want their customers disappointed. They're trying to have the best of both World they want they they need that customer to they they care about the customer

Comedy seller cares about the customer, but cares about the comic first. Yeah, if you thought the best I'm telling you and that's why they got these shows You do not have fucking people yelling out of these shows's very rarely and nobody says and you shut the fuck up because you will get tossed Yeah, you don't have to tell somebody to throw somebody no money back right you yell preview do it It's still gonna sell out suck it right why I did Laugh it up in Pekipsey rager and It was the highlight of my year, but I love that club. It was a great time, but the host was up and I see these two women leaning across the long table, talking to each other during the host set.

The host talked to them at least twice. Then the feature went up. She was talking through the feature, the feature addressed it. Then the management came over and they actually took her out of the room. Good. So I go up. I'm about 35 minutes in, all of a sudden I see her stroll back in. And I'm like, how the hell did this happen?

It turns out one of the guys literally went to the bathroom for a second, and she snuck back in. And what does she do? The minute she sits down, she goes right back to talking to this woman again. So I look, everybody yelled at her. I said, I'm going to take a different approach. I said, miss, maybe a different approach. I said miss

Maybe you guys want to have this conversation in the bar so I can just finish up the show You know and and before I finish talking this guy at a table crossroom goes yeah Why you shut the fuck up? I've been listening to your fucking mouth all night And then her husband starts piping it and now we got a fucking war about ready to go down Because this person can't do it. You had four minutes left to get set. You get to say good night and jump on a train with a check. That's it. This fucking twat, zinc, genite. Here's what we do. I'm telling you right now. It's these Indian women.

Deep who handle these women. I've noticed an issue. I've noticed. Here's what you do. We try and discipline. We have, we get a human incinerator at every comedy club. And we huck these people in it. We take them on the third fuck you. We take them and burn them alive and to ash. And then after the show, we all smoke them.

With a joint, but higher episode, we should run. But it's an actual problem, but this is something that bothers me. I hate what I'm trying to do, like, ask a question. And instead of just answering it, they try to be funny. I hate what I'm trying to do, like, ask a question. And instead of just answering it, they try to be funny. And then it's just like, you're not helping. Can you just, what are you doing? Probably like, oh, are you guys friends?

No, we're dating. I'm like, oh, it's been gay a joke. See, what planet are you on that that would be crazy? Like, I believe you. Or just, hey, when I just try to ask a normal question, I'm trying to answer it. I've been trying not to talk to these fucking people. I do you. I believe you. When I just try to ask a normal question. I've been trying to answer it. I've been trying not to talk to these fucking people. I do it.

I've been trying, because I like to go, hey, I like to, look, I love going boom, bang, boom, talking on, bring him in and then kind of, because you don't know what happened. It's an open size for you too. It's an open size for you too. But I've been trying like this weekend,

I was like, you know, Friday night, two shows, two people fucking yapping. Well, I don't understand why know, the Friday night two shows, two people fucking yapping. Well, I don't understand why it's always women. I don't understand. I don't know if it's, is it women? I mean, I'm asking you as a comic. I don't know.

I just can't imagine doing that. So like, but it is. It's always girls or girls and got the boyfriends always embarrassed, but still wants to fuck. So he's just standing there. There was one night during the Christmas week. We saw all these girls and guys getting kicked out of couples. Girls and tears and yelling and the boyfriend just being like, can we just pay and leave? I don't. I don't know what it is. At the fat black. What was happening? It was just this girl and she kept

as he was there. So he gets on stage and she's like happy that he's there but then yelling out so like people going out to her saying like you gotta stop we're gonna kick you out. And then there the people there like the service was rude I was told to be quiet and it's like yeah they think that being told to shut up at a live performance of a and that's a single doubt they should be incinerated because they're garbage people. But then this girl like Harry Shafir says they're garbage people and they should be burned Nothing good is gonna come nothing. We're gonna have a shit kid This is gonna be a shit kid and now more trumps

Yeah, and more fucking all kinds of crazy shit happening with our lives Well this girl got kicked out her boyfriend sitting with her and he's just being like let's just go It's over and he's trying to fuck and she's sitting there going no she wanted like heads will roll and she's like why are you taking their son yeah really yeah and then I make eye contact with this is you understand this type of shit person yeah these delusional people that they might have been there was wrong with fucking America there's what they're literally what's wrong with America they get told that you're wrong or something's taken away and they they like How dare you How dare you?

How fucking dare you and they don't even understand what the fuck's going on because in their world They get to do whatever the fuck they want and say whatever the fuck they want and when somebody says no they piss-mone cry and light fucking UC Berkeley on fire. There's yellowers and then there's people that are just statements they just want to get along with their day so they like even in this situation the girl was the yellow and then her fiance was the guy who just wanted to get to his blow job so he's sitting there and she's going how are you taking it inside and I just make eye contact with him and he's just like I know man yeah and I are you taking it inside? And I just make eye contact with him. And he's just like, I know, man. And I like felt for it.

Do you know what I would do? I would fucking dump her. If that was my, if that was, it doesn't matter. I'd bite that ring off her finger. I would, I'd fucking, and I would have gave it to her. I was like, pull, you keep that, that's for you. He's giving you the look like, hey man, what can I do? What can I do?

How about this? For good life now, that's for good life now. Sitting down with your wife the look like hey man, what can I do? What can I do? How about this? For good light now. That's how I like it now. Sitting down when you wife the next day and going, if you ever, ever, ever act like that again in public, if you ever embarrass me in public like that, if you ever act like a fucking spoiled little shit person again in public, I will never fucking go out with you again.

We'll never go into public again with you. You get drunk like that and act like a fucking asshole. Never again, because you suck. You fucking made me look like an idiot last night. I never get. My parents raised a good person, and you made me fucking shit last night. How about that? I'm gonna do that.

I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. Let her try let her go through the emotion let her fucking and then come out the other side and don't give her

But she'll never see it. I had a girl that I had here at the olive tree. She sees David tell on stage She's like I love fucking David tell I bring her downstairs Not 10 seconds goes by yeah 10 seconds Yeah, tell us talking to the crowd like he was doing on stage, and she yells out, I just yelled out and I grab her arm. I'm with J-Trade. I grab her arm as if she's like, like I'm about to abuse my wife.

I'm like, we are leaving, and I bring her up this stairs. Did you sing it like that? I felt like. Why did you turn into a Sesame Street cat? We are leaving. I felt like her like nerd husband just being like, we need to go. And she goes, what are you doing?

I go, I'll never bring you back to a show. And then the next day, she was like, hey, I'm sorry about that. I go, yeah, you're just not coming back to a show. And I said like that. And she was like, why are you doing this to me? Like, I was like, no. Yeah. You took, it wasn't my job.

Yes, yes, it was my play. And it wasn't 10 seconds. She goes, I go I was engaging I go that's not your fucking responsibility it was like talking to someone please tell us that we have a Twitter handle so I can just call her a fucking asshole I had a girl go what are we not supposed to participate no no look at all the look everybody looking at camera ready here's a five shot no you're not supposed to talk to us engage us. You know, we don't we're not you see being we're not doing improv shut the fuck up Don't ask each other's questions if you got a little bathroom get up the fuck and go find it don't go With the bed go it's a small place. Yeah fuck. It's not the Boston Garden go find it shut the fuck up laugh

Have a good time and then meet us outside for a quick selfie, and that's it. Do you know how hard it was for me to eat her about that night? Especially with one of those blood pups in her place. All right, let's wrap this up. Thank God, you don't motor my friend. Well, I think the first season of Louis

handled the heckly, the episode where there's like a girl heckler, and they talk outside, and all the comics are sitting on the stairs. Did you, uh, perfect? Did you, uh, did you hear the part where I just said wrap it up? episode where there's like a girl heckler and they talk outside and all the comics are sitting on the stairs Perfect did you oh did you hear the part where I just said wrap it up? God you really you have no fucking just because I knew I had I wanted to say it but those good men shades has the floor everybody Go ahead shades. No, I should never fucking took all right. Listen. Let's go around the room. That was a great show by by the way. I was not, I was actually not looking forward to this show. Oh, thank you, Bob.

No, not me. I'm so sweet. No, I totally didn't know that. That was a fight, but that was in the mix. It would have been worth it. No, because I was, I love you guys. I love doing shows. I was excited.

You're back. I love you to death. I love when you're on. I was happy to see, you know, almost Lauren Dianne, you know, Deepo's back, haven't seen him. We had some fans coming. It wasn't any of that. It was just, I was, there was something about coming, almost Lauren Dianne, you know, Deepo's back having seen him, we had some fans coming. It wasn't any of that, it was just, there was something about coming in the city today

and doing it. I was raining, gloomy, I was like, fuck, but I'm excited, it was a great show, what's up? I see you're gonna be a Madison, I know you love the tornado room. And I love that. Listen, first of all, we do that at the end, stop. I know, just got excited.

Do you have your own podcast? No, no. You need one. Yeah, but the technology seems like two months stop I know you have your own podcast Yeah, but the technology is like too much. I want you to call it me All right, what do you got buddy? Twitter Monday nights the bachelor I live to the bachelor K train 56 every Monday night and then we do a post game show Lawrence helping out we do a bachelor post game show right after the bachelor and last week You had the guy from TV guy from TV guide on it's this is getting a thing. This is turning it to a bachelor Followed him on Twitter the batch of all me on Twitter a week ago. That's a big deal and Stern is a big huge bachelor

If he knew the bachelor expert, I'm always here J-trained fifty J-trained is getting a little loud. He's gonna bring it down. That's all right. Because Shule doesn't like loud people. I'm too excited. I'm excited. I heard he's a fan and he's into it as I am.

Oh yeah, he really loves it a lot. I'm a big, I'm like, that's why I love the TV guide on guide that we had. He was great. He knew all this inside info. Imagine Slurren's name and he's getting nervous. He's going TV guide guide. Yeah.

On guide dude, guy. This is my big chance man. I'm trying to pitch this. I'll do it. I'm telling you. I watched a show from the first one to the last one. And the last one was great. It's gotten better and better every time.

It's just a great, I mean look, here's it, this is why Facebook Live is awesome. This is why social media, this is what we're supposed to do with it. We're supposed to come up with something creative, something that we haven't seen before, and come upon it and be like, what the fuck is this? And it makes you laugh, it's actually interesting. It's a great show.

And it makes me actually want to start watching the Bachelor. Well, this is like to any guy that's listening to this show, if you're like, fuck the boat, it's good. No, it's a guy giving the point of view that you would want to hear. Exactly. It's the guy. Well, it's the first time. The fact that they threw out the chick who's into choking tells me he's not speaking for all of us. No. Because if I'm at a bar and I'm talking to a chick who likes long walks on the beach and then I like a chicken and I'm talking to a chick who likes long walks on the beach and then I like a And I'm talking to a chick who wants to choke me. I'm like see you later walks on the beach. I get that chick a fucking spite and tell it to beat it I agree with you. I'm choking her under a boardwalk I agree with it. That's what I'm saying. The bachelor is just a guy that's like he's the guy

I'm the guy that's the you know the the the like little birdie in the room like just Talking the way all of us real about this. Can I just say any comic anybody? guy that's the, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, It's a thing and it's actually really interesting to watch and it's funny and It's interesting too because you sit now you know so much about the show and to see this I mean if you're gonna get some guy to play the football quarterback or whatever I mean you're such a regular Guy guy and you're talking about the bachelor. Yeah, you're fuck is this? But your knowledge of the bachelor's for people are confined to wheelchairs and stuff who have lost limbs. They got nothing to do. I'm gonna go.

This is me. I'm a guy with limbs that was the bachelor. It's impressive. So check that out. What's your Twitter handle? J Train 56. Follow him. Yeah.

On Twitter and on J Train podcast, every Tuesday and Friday. Every Tuesday is a great Friday night before too. What do you guys actually? I'm glitter cheese. Fucking blood cup. But I also just started something to say, but I'll wait. Why, say it. Well, so my friend was telling me yesterday.

Oh, come on, shut up. No, you'll love this. It's a Facebook, but trust for fucking. So it's all these regular people, maybe you know about it. I don't know the name of it. But people will like post like, oh, I'm looking for a gangbang,

these kinds of people, I need to come up and like, and then people post all their things online. So it's like a Facebook outline, but it's all dirty. Yeah, I can't, I can't do it. I can't do anything you need a face for. You understand? But I don't think you need the face. Yeah, you do, because they want to see what you look like.

If I could just show my left tip, and they were like, all right, we're in. I'll get more information for you. But Valentine's Day, I'll be a nerd melt in LA at 8 p.m. Valentine's Day, please come. And I'll be with Sabrina Jelieson, generally. I'm gonna do an hour, I'm excited. And I'll be at Dead Crow.

Is that Wilmington? Yeah. Is it? Yeah, yeah. Really cool. Next month. I don't know when, but somewhere in March. There's great everybody there's awesome. And then I'll be in Australia.

What are you doing there? Melbourne Comedy Festival. Oh. And getting tatted up by Miley Cyrus' head to artist. I got an appointment with her. Oh, you fucking so interesting, Bob. So, we'll see. But please come to our way.

When I first met you, I was like, oh, this girl's gonna suck. You know what I mean? She was so quiet, she came into a room, she was so quiet, I was like, what the fuck's up with her? But you were such an interesting audience. I need time to open up for sure.

Yeah, but you, you, you, you know, I don't know about that. Pretty, you know, the first conversation we had was really interesting, and I was like, oh, this girl's cool. You're very interesting, very cool and you're very funny. Thank you. So, you make sure you follow her and if you see her at a live show, go up to her, tell your

fan of the show and that's where you heard her. Yes, please. Yes, follow her. Live comedy for all of us. Follow up podcast, follow us and blah, blah, blah, blah. Watch, but come to our shows. Yes. Because that's when we need the support.

If we can fill these shows up with just fans, then we have no more drunk fucking people getting kicked out. Here's your note that you're not a... My dream, if I can ever sell out, my first thing would be no check spots, or I will murder you. Yeah, yeah.

I see, do you guys... Do you guys have a... I think as comics. What do we all start putting in writers? Well, if you don't sell tickets, you can't demand anything. Yeah, you can. Yeah, you can.

Because if I say I'm not coming, and you say you're not coming and you say, and all of us at every level is like, fuck you, no more check spots. You get it, stamp your seat to leave. I don't care if your waitresses have somewhere to go. Patrol the room better, have one exit, and you know what, no more check spots.

Hey, man, everybody pays. Let's rise up, comedy clubs first, Trump second. Yeah, right, let's talk. I'm not gonna do this. I need to, I mean, you guys do this. You're a bit, I'm not back yet. Yeah, right? I'm not gonna do this. I need to I mean you guys You're busy. I'm back. I'm back yet. I know, but I'm not doing shit going on I don't want them not liking me. I'm getting my at least support I'll quietly support all you people that's the worst when you write fucked up shit online

And then you get direct messages being like I'm on your side and it's like publicly. Yeah, let's do it What's up? Oh, so this Saturday night, I'm in, uh, a summerville, Massachusetts. Uh, I'm doing the, the, uh, Are you doing what's his name's from? The Rockwell? What's his name? Tom.

No. No, uh, Damon. Who books it? I think it's a guy named Damon. Oh, really? I'm supposed to be doing it with Matt Arese, but he got another gig, so I'm doing it. Hey, could somebody fangst me? I'm supposed to be doing it with Matt Arise, but he got another gig, so I'm doing it. Hey, could somebody fix me?

I have a beautiful wife and kids and a beautiful house and everything's good, but I'm, I need fixing. What, what do you need fixing? You're like, what the, you have a life that immigrants dream of. So yeah, I do a lot of that with him. And I have, I have gigs every weekend. All right, I'm at the Rockwell this Saturday and then the

15th of February and the 16th I'm in Albany and Hartford and then I'm doing a gig in March for Dr. Steve. I gave him your name. That's right. Good for you. Very much for that and Colorado in March and wherever else I can get. Where can they find a craft house in February great club the Shalom shuli.com is my website and Shalom shuli is my Twitter and of course on Stern every yes and how it's Stern chill series XM cell at radio which is you you're Thomas your segments are great. Thanks buddy. Thank you. Really they're always great, you know I was getting nervous when the other guys come in because it's like is it I think I'm a trash

I'm is he gonna be yeah is he gonna be a fuck is he gonna what the fuck is this the stinks that don't cuz always that thing But you you never have that no I try man. I try to get in and get out Yeah before the shit hits the fan I'm a little too normal up there sometimes right right right right right right well What about you on the couch there Skylar Jesus you you like a fuck in microphone buddy What do you think you're holding that stuff hold the frost hold it? Yeah, man. What do you do? I Work in IT actually what what I do. What do you do I work on ATMs? Really? Yeah, yeah, wow, maybe we should fuck yeah, we should fucking stop both

You got a girlfriend. Yes. Yeah, what should fucking stop both. Yeah, so should. Um, do you have a girlfriend? Yes. Yeah, what's his name? I'm watching here. Alissa. Alissa. Yeah, she's hot. Yeah, yeah. What she'd do.

She's social worker. Nice. You guys both have names like you should be on the bachelor. Yeah. Alissa and Skyler. Uh-huh. All right, man. Well, thank you for coming over the time.

Hey, big fan. All right. Thank you, brother. Appreciate it, man. All right, hand the mic over. Stop being such a hog scum. What's up, buddy? What do you got going? What do you got going on besides a shirt that you shouldn't wear in here? Didn't hear before. It just came back. Yeah, love the show. Oh, good man. Yeah, it's good. The stretch. Yeah. Yeah. No, we know you. Yeah. Superfan. Superfan. You support all the shows.

All of them. Everything that's come off of this podcast. So Rich is homeless. Is every, I'm permanently disabled, that's why. Are you really? How do you feel now, Gwad? I'm awaiting my fourth spinal surgery. Ooh, that's bad news. But I used to work with a disabled.

I pushed fat people in the Macaron Airport in Vegas. I was a wheelchair pusher. Oh really? Yeah, nothing but fat people. Disabled people did not ask you for a push. They didn't want you help. Right, nothing but fat loads. Yeah, fat people want, oh, that's funny, yeah, it's true, right?

Oh, they would, I'd be pushing them, pulling their suitcase on carpet, and they would ask me to swing by the Burger King right away to the taxi stay. Well, of course, you gotta get some to snap. But fuck, the blood sugar to fall on a fucking flight, L.A. Yeah, I mean, Tuesdays with stories, I mean, has everything spin off from the show? Misery Lasomage.

All them, right? Yeah, I mean, you love becoming a friend. Kevin, yeah, that's big show. As hard as I just believe he's actually, we DM a little bit. Kevin's show, man. Yeah, that's amazing. Look at man, the show,, you know for whatever you say He's he's doing good, so yeah, I'm a big fan of this coming up. Did you watch when he was about to get beat up? Oh

Great. I love this fucking technique Jimmy Martinez was snapped and was gonna fucking He's gonna he's gonna flatten Kevin's face live on fucking on on Raya cast TV And then Kevin but Kevin had this I didn't know he took Kung Fu Because he grabbed his wrists really lightly and held them Very lightly and what what what are you doing? Then anyway, you want to talk about it outside and then Anyway, you want to talk about it outside and then Want to go outside to Jimmy is a different thing that he like Kevin really just wanted to go and have a discussion And he said it your way it would have been received differently. He did he was holding his wrist and he goes

Well come see me outside and Jimmy's like Kevin Todd. Yeah, he has no tone. He has tone issues By the way, the best part about that was when he spun carry in her chair To get to get out of the way bitch That was the absolute worst part you didn't like that Well, he felt bad about it, but if you know carry we we like yeah, because we know carry was like you know carry out Angry she was she's dead fucking Greek you What the fuck did you get called me? Gary Price would have fucked them up more than Kevin would. Well, yes, that's actually true.

Well, yeah, well anyways. All right, man, well, thanks. Coming back in, brother. Absolutely, probably, anytime. All right, Deepo, what do you got? People can follow me at R2Depo and I got a couple of podcasts, Geeks of New York podcasts with Oscar Gingrat Gonzalez. We do tech news, gaming news, movie news,

all that good stuff, and then go to Hell Podcast, which is two friends fighting by the trotters Facebook behavior That's always a fun time and check those out. Yeah, she is good about the angle buddy. Yeah, the angle Thank you, and thank you and thank you. Shuley for your support You know, you were kind of saying like these segments I've been doing have been though. Yeah good lately So I didn't want you saying public Yeah, it's not you. It's us. No, I know. So yeah, but don't take credit for every message me.

Yeah, but he said it to us. Okay. It's all of us. Whoops. What are you calling? I'm calling Keith Robinson right now, because he called me and I want to see if he picks up. He very, very really picks up now.

Everyone's so loud. And what are you doing, Keith? It's six o'clock. What are you doing? It's six. What's six o'clock. What are you doing at six? What the fuck? What are you shopping? Shut up. What do you got?

Just out, Lauren Coobera. That's it. And I have a show, Stand Up New York next Wednesday, the 15th of your divorced or single. And you have some fun going out. Hopefully she won't die this week. I know, and I'm alive, so. Oh my god. Come on out and give Hopefully she won't die this week. I know I'm alive. So oh my god. Give me an infection

If anybody has Sour jizz if somebody had mono if you could come in my throat if you're out there and you got Merse Big fan All right, what do I got? Bobby well first of all follow Bobby at Robert Kelly. Thank you. On Twitter. Yes, Robert. I was Keith, thanks.

Hey. Hey. What's up ladies? Yo, last one was you know what to do. I wanted to fucking throw my phone out. If I was a millionaire, I would have thrown my phone out every time I called Keith out. Yo, you know what to do.

Yeah, we know what to do. Stop being friends with you. Fuckin' old nothing. All right, if you're listening live, Bobby will be at the Cabot Performing Arts Center in Beverly, Massachusetts on the 11th. This Saturday night, Beverly Mass, Boston fans, podcasts, people, show the fuck up

by 10 tickets each. Let's sell this fucker out. On the 18th of February, Bobby will be at the Cherokee Casino Qualable Room in West Salombs Springs, Oklahoma. Yep, never been there before. So I've been to Oklahoma, not this place, and I heard it's a great gig.

And it's a great comedy venue. So show up. March 2nd through the 4th, he will be at comedy club on state in Madison, Wisconsin. Love it. And on the 31st of the... I love the club, sir.

Yeah. Did you eat the pancakes at Stacks? What stacks? It's like a the restaurant open and the day, but also like on the weekends all night, and the best pancakes in the country. I will. I mean, last time I was there was kind of

by myself, which was sad. Yeah, I remember I took a drum lesson. I took a drum. Really? Well, like a whole little drum lesson? Well, yeah, because I was giving myself the lesson. Well, we were doing the show, Sex and Drugs. So any time I was on the road, I'd always find a drum teacher and take a lesson somewhere. And I found this little drum place in the middle of nowhere and there was this old jazz guy

and he taught me some jazz stuff and then he gave me a, it was a snow storm. So he gave me a ride back. And I was like, oh, this is such, this is so weird. Like, is it just waiting for you to get a fuck in this story as well? Like, when's he gonna touch a cock, Bobby? Like misery. Well, it's, it was weird because I got dropped. He was just a nice guy, but I'm, you know, I'm from Boston and now New York. I don't trust anybody. So he drove me back to the hotel and it was snowing and I was like, all right, man, he's like, all right, dude.

And I was like, you know, I was, you know, there was that like little pause. I was like, all right, dude, I'm gonna out. Thank you. Like I didn't, I'm not set, what do you want? Well, you wait for you to invite him up or something? I don't know, it was weird. I just got out of the car and ran in the snow

across the street. It was a good lesson. It was a good lesson. You ran? You know, I'm ran, but like I always like him But it was a nice guy he was a nice guy so you know, I always put that on me like I'm just a paranoid fuck Yeah, and I have to put that on me. It's probably just a nice guy They gave a dude right home, you know because he was interested in the show bubble and now you know in my head I mean if I took my cock out he probably wouldn't went down on

Was that your drumstick But yeah, so I'm excited to play that club again and they have a great cigar bar there Man last time I was there was a Bridget Everett was playing in the The theater so I'm excited to play the go to robacadolive.com all my dates I can't wait. I'm going to Ruba at the end of the middle of the month Me too. The fucka with me not with you. Oh, I'll be the don't you bring in a girl? No, you go by yourself I'm gonna try and last time he brought his parents. I brought my parents last time. What's up, Tony? Hey? Are you brought your parents? Yeah? Yeah, wow, what a nice kid. Yeah, not bring them they brought themselves. They brought questions. They have fucking millionaires

Fucking buy the islands. How much for this whole fucking thing? Jeremy, I don't know. J train. Jeremy. I just got Jeremy joke over because I got fucking dummy's room name wrong. All right. So, oh, what else? Get the app. Download the app. Robert Kelly. You know what? You know what? You get my dollar 99. I love you man. What a fucking great guy. You do man. I'm premium too. Yeah. Yeah, but you have that shit.

You've made the pro. Skyly you premium? Yeah. If they're sitting on the couch, you got to have so much premium. I'm always looking at me like a YouTube. I have your parents pay for it. Yeah, I'll put it on there.

Up here we go. And there are Apple ID's. Here we go. Everybody you're live on the YKWD. So before you say anything, stoop it. What, all of a sudden, I was going, man, it's off to you. That's it. First of all, who's the greatest quarterback of all time?

Donald Nub. Uh, Randall Covenant. Cut it out. Did you saw it? Fuck you. Fuck you. You're out of your mind. Randall Covenant.

What other blackboard about? That's plus dot. Doug, yeah, Doug Williams. Doug Williams. One moon. Listen, who's? Michael Bishop. Just say. Doug Williams One moon

Listen who who's Michael Bishop just say that's that's Nick that's fucking jock Jared whipping these out I want you to think I'm not this knowledgeable Michael Bishop he said Michael Bishop. He's a black quarterback of backed up drooplet. So One moon. He's as old as Keith. Yeah like quarterback backed up drooplet so one moon he's as old as Keith everybody except that Trump supporter oh fuck you you're just trying to you you vote if a Trump too you're just trying to stay on a

tour with Wanda you're right you're right I'm finished with this damn podcast shit I don't fuck it so and everybody in that room fuck them too. Well, Amy's in the room. Oh shit.

And he knows that's a lie. So much for strokes making me appreciate life a little more, huh? He's his angry. I told you when he came out of the stroke, where in the hospital, he comes around the corner like Will I went I went oh no and I'm just kidding stupid. Oh my god You just scared the shit out of me Are you guys the best thanks for coming in thanks for listening to show best fans of the world thanks for listening

Listening to YKWD podcast Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás!

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