Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Adam Ferrara & Joe List | Great Godfather

Episode Date: September 17, 2023

This week Bobby is joined by Adam Ferrara and Joe list. They talk about the difference between comedy specials now vs 15 years ago, Joe and Adam quote movies until Bobby gets annoyed, and they argue w...hich one of them would be the leader if they were stranded in the woods. This episode is sponsored by Hello Fresh Support the show & get 50% off of HelloFresh, plus 15% off for the next 2 months at https://www.hellofresh.com/50YKWD & use code 50YKWD This episode is sponsored by GhostBed Listeners can get 40% off all products sitewide! Use promo code YKWD at GhostBed.com/ykwd for 40% Off Sitewide. Limited Time Only. This episode is sponsored by ShipStation Get a 60-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/ykwd. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:03:29 So, so when you, that happens, you know what to do. The water breaks too, you gotta know the hospital. Yeah, you gotta know that. All hell break, dude, all hell breaks loose. And so the doula does what? Can't you tell me what the Dueler said? Well, save me a few Duelers. I've, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:48 Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back, you know what, Dude Live. Welcome, everybody, to the show. YKW. I started social media podcast. The fact that YKW did podcasts. YKW did back again. Old school back in the day.
Starting point is 00:04:07 We're all starting before them all. YKW did podcasts. The podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up, you ruining this. We're the more damn-a-man. I'm so sorry. It's a comedy podcast.
Starting point is 00:04:20 This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the MPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original original. MUSIC Willive! It's it. Of course.
Starting point is 00:04:38 Shut up everybody. Shutting up. I, uh, no. Willive, YKWD, back again. I got another bop in episode. I got two comics who are I mean top 17 on my top 17 top kidding top five means one of us is 17. Yeah, I'm Kid was a joke Tell us who we got
Starting point is 00:05:00 Max O million today. we got Joe list yay and we got Adam Farara yay two of the Funny's motherfuckers ever two of the greatest joke right as ever and performers of the jokes I mean the both you guys have the Skill an art of comedy of I envy it how precise you I just saw you murdered downstairs Yeah, but I'm listen How precise you, I just saw you murder downstairs. Yeah, but I'm, listen, the way I kinda fuck around free flow, you guys write jokes,
Starting point is 00:05:32 and you perform them amazingly. Well, you're very, like every fucking time. I mean, I really mean that. I'm not saying that to case you guys, you gotta bring a new special out, don't you, too. Not for everybody. And it's killing. It's doing well.
Starting point is 00:05:43 Half a million views. That seems pretty good. That's great. I don't know why it It's doing well. Half a million views. That seems pretty good. That's great. I know why it's like Bob Dylan. Half a million views. Three weeks. It is weird to see you in that chair because you look like Lily Tomlin.
Starting point is 00:05:54 You told me to stop bringing up the chair. I don't like the chair. I'm higher than you guys. I'm in the middle and I feel like I should host I have some good topics. I got you host. Get out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:03 How do you guys, you guys friends with Orny Adams? Do you know Orny? Just out with Orny. I just had Or, some good topics. I go out, you host. Get out, yeah. How do you guys, you guys, are you guys friends with Orny Adams? Do you know Orny? Just that with Orny? I just had Orny on my podcast. And, because I watched comedian, I didn't know him. I was new kind of thing. It says, not me and your friends with him. I like to think I'm friends with him.
Starting point is 00:06:14 Are you friends with Orny? I don't seem as much alike to. I hug him every time I see him. I have a great affection for him. Do you have him over on holidays? No. Do you text him on holidays? All in and of this.
Starting point is 00:06:23 No. Do you say happy birthday when it's his birthday? When I remember you text him on holidays? Holiday, no. We're a men. Do you say happy birthday when it's his birthday? When I remember. What's his birthday? I don't remember. You're not friends. You're a acquaintance.
Starting point is 00:06:32 Okay, well listen, do you consider me a new friend? Yep. Okay, I text you. Never hit back. Whoa! That's a friend. That's a comic friend. I love you.
Starting point is 00:06:40 That's it. That's it. I love you too. And then we see each other and everything's gone. I think everything's over. Okay. you too. That's it. I love you too. And then we see each other and everything's gone. Everything's over. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:06:48 Because what I... You can't just say some of the texting things. There we go. He hates texting. I was just out of pockets. We were talking about you hating texting. Hmm. Texting.
Starting point is 00:06:56 Call me. I call you too. You don't call back. Yeah, I don't like you. See? You're right. No, I love you. It's not that.
Starting point is 00:07:04 It's that. I'm... This whole phone thing has got me down, dude. You think... But I now you'd It's not that it's a I'm this whole phone thing has got me down dude You think by now you'd adjust to it. It's been around a while. You sound like Charles Grotin in midnight run these things go down I like pay phone days. Yes, I like Cherizo Cherizo and eggs. I don't have the cigarettes you have the Teresa. Oh, can we not do this fucking? I know shit about movies thing with YouTube coffee so Thank you. Oh, I love each other off. I know this one. I'll do Godfather shit. I do it. I'll be over Somebody just Lewis Gomez tweeted out. What do you want to hear about on the regs and somebody wrote Why does Joe list always talk about the Godfather?
Starting point is 00:07:37 Dude, can we? Because it's fucking good. I just said somebody tweet somebody sent something out To me on Twitter. They're trashin' me. So I trashed them back, but funny, like I was a kid, go fuck yourself, love you. Love you more, some shit. Like whatever, it was my fire. Just joking back, fucking went you back. Got it.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Somebody wrote back, oh there's nothing, I hate worse than the sensitive comedian. I can't, you can't, I'm down. Joking back, you're sensitive. You can't, there's no. It explains the phone. What? This is why he doesn't like communication.
Starting point is 00:08:09 I'm right here. You don't have to talk to him. What are you my wife? I'm sorry. I mean, my mother and my wife do that. This is why he, I'm right here. I know. You make me fucking get know.
Starting point is 00:08:18 But you think, you think texting is gay. But I think, I don't. Texting is manly. I don't think texting is gay. Yes you do. What about emojis? I think, I'm, but I think- I don't. Texting is manly. I don't think texting is gay. Yes you do. What about emojis? I think- I'm fine with all that shit.
Starting point is 00:08:28 Okay. But if you go to talk to me, call me, and if I don't call you back, leave me a violent message like Billy Burr, like you're a fucking piece of shit, and then I'll call you back. No, you won't. I've done that. Listen, I am barely hanging on.
Starting point is 00:08:43 You guys both don't have like 10 year olds, okay? You both don't have kids. You're gonna happen shortly. You don't have now. It's a different. You wake up, what time do you wake up in the morning? I'm usually having seven. Seven.
Starting point is 00:08:57 Me too. Both wake up in the same time. I wake up around 8.30. Yeah, I wake up and I got, hey, breakfast. Make sure you do that. We gotta go here. Let's go. Get it on.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Listen to your mother. Come on, don't, I'm telling, let's go. We gotta, okay, I love it. Okay, be good. Make sure you do this. I'll see you all. Now let me ask you this. What?
Starting point is 00:09:17 And you're not gonna like this. I want you to answer honestly. And I'll know if you're lying. I don't like it. And don't lie or I'll know. What movie's that? Sound as the limbs. Great line. You look very handsome. You should turn around and shoot by him I like it. And don't lie or I'll know. What movie's that? Sounded to the limbs.
Starting point is 00:09:26 Great line. You look very handsome. You should turn around and shoot by me because he's got a little shade and a little light over here. No, not from that angle from this angle. Any jizz, if you call someone, I want you to answer honestly, because you're saying,
Starting point is 00:09:37 well, I have a seven year old, we don't know what it's like. If you call, let's say, who's got a kid, Louis J. Gomez. Yeah. And you leave a voicemail. You don't hear back from them for two days Are you going? That's all right. He's got a kid. I Don't I'll tell you what anymore. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna say now you didn't now at the stage in my life
Starting point is 00:09:55 I'm at I call you know coming back. I don't care. I Don't have the band with anymore. I mean dude Like even like a text message, what happens? Where I get fucked in text messages? So you'll text me. I'll be like driving the kid to school, whatever. Something, text message to me.
Starting point is 00:10:12 I'm like, oh shit, I got okay. And then you'll text me. And then somebody else, and all of a sudden, it goes down on a line. Push down, push down, push down. Then I'll reply to the last one, you might want to, I'll be there in a, and then she'll reply back.
Starting point is 00:10:23 Now this whole thing, somebody else comes in, and then I'll be, okay, I get, and then all of a sudden you're like, I don't, I don't, I would have to do this, get back to that, to go like this, and I forget everything. I forget everything, and I send the wrong text to the wrong people.
Starting point is 00:10:38 I texted Leary, love you monkey. So, you know, who is that supposed to go to? My wife. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. You want to go to? I have to.
Starting point is 00:10:47 I have to. I like it. All right. Um, how we all, um, we so well. Ah. Don't worry. We'll flip that on the YouTube e. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:57 Um, so I apologize, but I am terrible. Dude, I had, I have people text me and like, Hey, man, how you doing? And I don't know who it is. Yeah. Like, somebody has people text me and they're like, hey man, how you doing? And I don't know who it is. Like somebody has my nut, but they, like it's hard for me. Well, that's another, am I labeled in your phones? Joe labeled 100%.
Starting point is 00:11:15 Okay. Yes. You're in my phone. So you're ignoring me on purpose? No, I don't. But I was also up country, up country too, put another, because I'm up there. I don't, my phone doesn't get service, right?
Starting point is 00:11:26 So then I get back to the house where we have internet and the phone, all of a sudden, I get a fucking 10 phone calls, nine texts, and I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm supposed to not be using this stupid thing. Well, this is something I'm worried about with having a kid because, you know me, pretty well, when I go away, I go hang out with Derek and his kids or my family,
Starting point is 00:11:47 I'm out, I'm like off the grid. I don't respond to anybody about anything. And I just, I don't work, I don't do Twitter, I don't do Instagram, I'm just in that mode. So what's scary to me is having a kid, I'm always gonna be in that family mode, and I'll never respond to anybody again. What do you say to that?
Starting point is 00:12:04 Yeah, no, because as soon as your wife starts talking, yeah, you, you, you, I love it. I really do, but you get out of it. You know what I mean? You're okay. You used to it. You get, yeah, you get a little used to it. Um, what's the word? I guess it's gay, anal, Farts, Jizz, Blacks, Juice, Fire, Farts, Coffee, Phone. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,? I don't like, um, me. I don't like that. You don't. You don't. Yes, that's true. I respect it at a moment, but people who do it too much, who do quotes, and stats.
Starting point is 00:12:57 What happened a nice time over here? You know, but there's nothing worse than two people who do quotes and stats, movie stuff, because then you guys just jerk each other off of what you know. And I don't, I think. Now that's how you're taking. What if we put no, can I tell you? Can I be honest?
Starting point is 00:13:11 It's because I don't retain stuff. Right. So I don't have that ability. Please come on, you don't carry a grudge. I carry a grudge. There you go. But I don't retain movie scenes. Oh, all right.
Starting point is 00:13:23 Or actors, or things that are said. I don't know, songs. I don't, I don't, I listen to a song. I don't know who it is. Oh, what the words are until it turns on and then I can sing it. Okay. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:13:35 Movie things. I don't remember shit. I've seen Godfather a million times. I don't remember any of that shit. I don't, I remember Sonny going, go, go, go, go, go. I want to get shit. Maybe I'm an act out guy. Maybe I remember Sonny going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, The cat is that the cat? Is that Michael at the end when he kisses the ring? I'm good at this pot. Yeah. Oh, I'm good at Michael at the end. I'm an act out
Starting point is 00:14:09 Guy I see yeah That is fun. I didn't get I didn't get it in that part though. I didn't get it. You did this I didn't get it. Yeah, I put the ring out. I didn't read before I just thought you like that up to I'm not good at this Anyways, the God for okay, I I never my wife never saw the Godfather, okay, I never saw the Godfather. And it was playing at the Arrow Theater in my house, I saw it on a big screen. Maybe there, it still haven't. Go see it on a big screen.
Starting point is 00:14:35 I got to. It's fucking amazing. Bobby, go see it, you won't remember a thing, you'll love it. The reason I brought up Orney is the Godfather on the big screen. That would be good. That came out? Yeah. That would be good. That came out in 72. That would be good.
Starting point is 00:14:49 I mean, the Godfather wanted to, you know what I like to see is all three of them together. The third one, you know. New third one, code is good. Didn't see it. They re-edited it. They gave Francis the money to go back and do his edit. And he did, and he made it make more sense.
Starting point is 00:15:04 It's still not the best, but it's not all over the fucking place, the first one. It's actually a lot better. It really is. Coda, good one. What are you gonna say about Arnie Hayden? So when the Ornie... No, because I was just started.
Starting point is 00:15:16 You're a douche. And I, first of all, it seems like he got like kind of fucked over on that movie. I listened to him on Marin. The way they kind of portrayed him. And I think he actually was joking at a lot of parts of the parts that he sounds like an asshole. And I think that he got kind of a bad rat,
Starting point is 00:15:30 and this movie was came out a long time ago, so maybe I don't remember. But at the time, you guys were in New York, I think, around with people bitter, like, Orny got this, what was the feeling in New York? Orny got that. I like Orny, okay, with friends. I've always liked Orny, but he's not,
Starting point is 00:15:46 he's a cocky dude. That's not far off from him. So people who know when you're sorry, like, all right, he's laying it a little heavy in the movie, but he does think he's the shit. He does think, you know what I mean? I've seen, I mean, look at, when Alonzo Bowden's gonna strangle you
Starting point is 00:16:04 and beat the fucking life out of you. That happened? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, we were on the tour. That's a scary guy to be after you. Alonzo Bowen don't get, one of the nicest guys you live in.
Starting point is 00:16:15 I mean, if stuff, Oh yes, I don't want it to sound like, I would call that nice. Snuffing up this came to life. That's the personality he has. But I imagine Alonzo could fuck someone up. He's a big fellow. He's a big boy, strong boy, and could fuck somebody up.
Starting point is 00:16:28 And we did a tour together. I did the hat, yeah, he's the best. I love Alonzo. And sweetest, gentlest giant ever. But we'll fuck you up. And I did the just for laughs across the come, I did half. And I gotta call when I left from Alonzo. Yo man, you gotta talk me down.
Starting point is 00:16:47 I'm gonna murder this motherfucker. I mean, he turned into ice cube. Oh, God. He's like, this motherfucker's dead. I'm gonna fuck him up. I mean, dude, I'm kidding. Of course you didn't say that. I had to talk him off the ledge
Starting point is 00:16:59 because they got to know a fucking big fight. Cause he was, only once he knows you're untilt, he'll go for you. Cause he was, one of you once he knows you're, you're untilt, he'll go for you. He'll still, he'll, you know what I mean? He's not a bad guy, but that's what he does. You know, he's always kind of, you know, you're gonna do that joke again tonight,
Starting point is 00:17:15 the one that bombed. And who say stuff like that, you know, just joking, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, it's all jokes, you know. Was there a feeling of like, how did he get that? Fuckin' what? What the move, the move, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, we knew who we're gonna, we're all trying to get something.
Starting point is 00:17:29 Right. So it was like, you know, he got that, somebody else got this, you're gonna get that, it was a, it wasn't that, it was just, the morning was like when we saw it, we're like, yeah, that's horny. Right, right. It wasn't too far off.
Starting point is 00:17:40 Interesting. It was what I'm saying, because you're telling that he got a bad rap, I know they probably did edit a little bit to have a narrative. They did the same thing with me on tourgasm. Well, I got to get the instigator when Jay was an asshole. But it seems like there's one part in the movie. I don't want to lose everybody talking about a movie that maybe people didn't see, but my legend comedy fans did. There's one part where he says like, I got to open my own door, but it feels like he was kidding. Right.
Starting point is 00:18:03 But maybe he wasn't. He's like, I think he was trying to be funny, but they edited it in a way where it looks like he's like this. Sounds like a joke. That's all, yeah, yeah. Doesn't sound like, yeah. Yeah, it's a conty joke. Sounds like a joke. I mean, it's a conty joke, right?
Starting point is 00:18:15 When it comes from, I give a came from me, but we're spelling con. We're spelling con with a Q. Yeah, please. Don't put this on you. You know why. Like Chaucer. Why?
Starting point is 00:18:24 I got my half monitor, not demonetized. No, why? Charcer. Why? I got My half monitor not demonetized. I got what do you call it? You got yellowed? I got a chop I got a yellowed. Why I said I said content my special so it's running on limited ads. So I'm losing money By the way a bunch of people were like why didn't you just fucking not say that? I'm like oh, so you think that I knew I would be demonetized also I'm not going to change my act for it, but I would have muted it or whatever. People are so interesting that they just throw up shit out with no information, knowledge of what the fuck anything is. Yeah, you're like, I didn't know that. That sort of makes it such a frustrating thing.
Starting point is 00:18:59 And it's nice to do it after it happens. Right. So have no knowledge of my business, but tell me what I should do. You should get a movie. That's what you should do. Star in a movie. Have you thought about SNL? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:12 You really can't engage it. You can't even look at it. Have you been looking at all the stuff? It's all good. But the special? Yeah. The comments? Yeah, I've been going through and responding
Starting point is 00:19:22 to the comments emotionally great. I feel like special podcasts is where the people really get me, because it's more opinions and you're fucking wrong about this, you've fat fuck, you ruin everything, you've fucking pieces. You're reading my comments? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha money, this sucks, but most of them are really good. And I've been responding to them for the goddamn algorithm. Right, you've been doing that. You respond even the bad ones?
Starting point is 00:19:48 No, I don't respond. I mean, some of the bad ones I will, all right, that's just your opinion, which is a line from the Big Lebowski. Well, you put your thing, you want to put your special on punchup.live. Yes, punchup.live. You can go there right now.
Starting point is 00:20:01 That's a great site. You can get signed up for the email list and you can buy tickets. You know about punchup live. This I don't know. You gotta get in there. You gotta get in there. You gotta get in there right now. That's a great site. You can get sign up for the email list and you can buy tickets You know about punch up live. This I don't know. Oh, you gotta get in there. Are you gonna get on it right now? I'll it right now. My specials coming out Thursday Already out now on punch. I took it off of CK site right and I put it up there for free Because it did a year on a site people bought it. It's kind of run its course
Starting point is 00:20:22 So I'm gonna give it out on there. I was gonna put it on YouTube, but then I'm like, I'd have to bleep the whole fuck. I'd have to bleep the whole thing with my body mouth. I wouldn't get monetized at all. I wouldn't be in the algorithm, and they get all the, they would get all the information, all the data on this. You know, I mean, I'm excited about it. I'm glad that you went up to them. So happy that is it working out.
Starting point is 00:20:43 I think so. I got a bunch of emails and stuff. I mean, people still going on YouTube also. And then I got a bunch of emails and stuff. Yeah. Hold on. I'm putting it in. Punch up live. Oh, you can't remember it now. I mean, you're doing it live right now. I just, now it's over. Okay. Did that take too much out of you? Well, well, you did your special last year. Yeah. And you put it on YouTube. Yeah Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. The whole industry changed. It's all different.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Over nine. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them.
Starting point is 00:21:17 We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to do them. We used to get paid to's crazy. I did a half hour special in 2017.
Starting point is 00:21:25 I got paid $100,000. I did an hour special the next year or two years later. Yeah. I spent 15,000 and then got 15 back. So, 100,000 for an hour. And for half an hour. And 15,000 for an hour. Well, no, you broke even for an hour and for half an hour and 15,000 for an hour. Well, no, you broke even for an hour.
Starting point is 00:21:49 Well, I ended up netting. You laid out 15, you made 30. I laid out 15, I made 30. Okay. Yeah. And then the next one, which you should have made. I made 100,000 twice. Oh, the next one, I made less,
Starting point is 00:22:03 because it wasn't purchases on my YouTube. So I'm slowly making less. But it's a little different. But we just got it. We got to make stuff ourselves and hope somebody picks it up and just... Yeah, but they used to... I mean, you were part of the really great time of stand-up. You had a ward show.
Starting point is 00:22:16 Yeah. You had a win thing. Yeah. You had prizes. Huh? Got prizes. You got prizes? I got prizes.
Starting point is 00:22:22 What prizes? What I got... I got an iPhone. You got an iPhone for what? I got it when it came prizes. I got prizes. What prizes? What I got I got I got an iPhone You got a five from for what I got when it came out. We got an iPhone The it was in a gift basket. Oh, no, no, that was that was our wrap gift from rescue me But the prizes we would get when you did the tonight show you get a basket of shit No, but when you did you want an award then yeah, but no, I got nominated for the college work Didn't actually American comedy words what happened to that is that still going I got a for the comedy award. What was it? The American comedy awards. What happened to that?
Starting point is 00:22:45 Is that still going? I got a... I never won. I got nominated twice. I got a little plaque in it. You went to the awards show. Yeah. You were there, like the Oscars for comics.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Yeah, for comics. It was great. My mother... I told you the story. My mother and the Red carpet. I flew my parents out. I'm under a red carpet. You're doing the speech, right? It's an honor just to be nominated. My mother walks in the middle of the shot.
Starting point is 00:23:03 The cameras here. I'm here. My mother walks in. Adam. Oh,, the cameras here, I'm here, my mother walks in. Adam, oh hello, I'm gonna go in because I have to pay your father's with me, right? Joe, let's go and walks the camera's still on. In the middle of the fucking interview, the camera's still on, my mother walks in, my father walks in the shot,
Starting point is 00:23:18 look at all these friggin' people. Walk right through the camera and sat down. That's beautiful. Yeah. That's beautiful. That sounds annoying as shit. That's beautiful. That sounds annoying as shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:27 I would never bring my mother any of you in front of it. That's really sweet though. Can I go? No, you can't. Why? Because you're an embarrassing fucking wretch. That's why. Stop it.
Starting point is 00:23:36 You wouldn't say that to your mother. My mother? I love my mother. My love you. But you know, you know we get in a fight in a war. You know she, and she, oh, she tell me how much she likes Andrew, my love you, but you know, you know we get in a fight in a war. You know she, and she, oh, she tell me how much she likes Andrew, my younger brother better. You have a younger brother.
Starting point is 00:23:50 I had an award show. What? You have a younger brother? Yes. Do you know my younger sister? I didn't know you had a younger brother. I didn't know we had, he never calls me back. Yeah, I never, he never calls me back.
Starting point is 00:24:01 I have, I have been. Andy Kelly? I, no, Andrew Borsetti. My mom got remarried to Larry who passed away a few years ago. I never heard of Larry. Larry, my father's not. Larry was saying. Larry was saying.
Starting point is 00:24:14 Larry was saying. Larry was saying. Larry was saying. Larry was saying. Larry was saying. Larry was saying. Larry was saying. Larry was saying.
Starting point is 00:24:22 Larry was saying. Larry was saying. Larry was saying. Larry was saying. Larry was I know your mother, I know your father. My mother's here. It's red, bright red. This mother. My mother is a brunette. Yes, brunette, of course. Of course. I know your father, I know your father,
Starting point is 00:24:34 I didn't know about Andrew. You never met Andrew. Andrew's my younger brother. You guys know about Bobby's younger brother? No, and they work for you. What? Joe, Russell, you don't know about What? Jo, Russell. You don't know about my younger brother Andrew.
Starting point is 00:24:48 I just knew you had a hot sister. Dude, first of all, hot alive. You work for me. And you married your piece of garbage, all right? I have a older sister. Lisa, you know Lisa, right? Sure. Don't say it like that. Do you know my sister Lisa? Lisa? You know Lisa, right? Sure. Don't say it like that.
Starting point is 00:25:05 Do you know my sister Lisa? Lisa, you know I have siblings? Lisa Patricia Kelly. It's Lisa Marie of Peace and Priscilla. Priscilla? I have an older sister Lisa. I have a younger sister Caroline and I have a younger brother, Andrew. Yes.
Starting point is 00:25:21 My older sister is from the same parents. Right. That's my, you know, and then the other ones are from Larry What? Yeah, you can't hear you But Yeah, Andrew's great. I love it out of all the people in the family. Who would you bring to a show if you know bringing would you bring? Larry yeah, I mean I have to dig them up
Starting point is 00:25:44 But he's dead. Did you hear that part? But Larry's- I'm half listening. Larry's dead. Okay. Why are you guys wearing your headphones? I don't know, he put mine on, I mean, I put yours on.
Starting point is 00:25:55 You don't need them unless we watch something on TV if fucking MOOCs. Oh, this is better. Oh, this is much better. I like this. Wow, why are you so high in the chair? I don't like how high I am. I don't like being in the middle.
Starting point is 00:26:06 I don't like the high. Makes me so happy that you're going to look weird in that chair. I'm very uncomfortable. Like, like, Allison won the leg. I keep slouching the bed. Yeah, Larry's dead. Larry passed away.
Starting point is 00:26:14 He's the greatest guy ever. Awesome. He was the guy who, you know, was there pretty much my whole life, you know. But yeah, my, my, if I was to take anybody to an award show, I'd take my wife. That's a given, I'm sorry, you're family. I'd take my kid, my son.
Starting point is 00:26:32 Anyone from you, from the family? That's my family. Your family, your birth family. Me and the other part of my family is when I left and the one who left. Yes, the one I left at 16 and that one back. When you left and said, I'm not coming back. I would probably, I'd take,
Starting point is 00:26:45 ah, this is all, you know, get me in trouble. I got a beer. This is your and my fault. Is the entirety of your family listening to this episode? Well, you never know. I got a, I got a, my side of my family's huge. Well, this is what happens is you mentioned somebody and somebody's message is it to them.
Starting point is 00:26:59 They met. You hear Bob, you say you take Andrew instead of Gary? My mother was the original Twitter. You say anything. It was all over the freaking neighborhood. She had a bird. She tied it to a bird's leg. She could out.
Starting point is 00:27:13 I'm going to tell you, don't tell anybody, which means everybody already fucking knows because I'm in California and I'm three hours behind. I tell people when they say, don't you promise me you don't tell anybody? I go, listen, I'm going to ask my wife to promise me she won't tell anybody, I go, listen, I'm gonna ask my wife to promise me she won't tell anybody. Cause I'm 100% telling my wife anything you tell me. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:31 So I'm not gonna lie to you. I am gonna tell my wife, but I'll tell her not to tell anybody. I think that goes without saying, right? Yeah. If you tell someone I married couple something, because I did a joke with this before, but I'm like, I'm dying for anything to talk about.
Starting point is 00:27:45 Yeah. When someone's like, don't tell anybody this. Right. All I'm thinking is, yes. I'm gonna need something to talk to my wife about. Yeah, but accept, accept push. What, oh, somebody, yeah. No push, push is off the table.
Starting point is 00:27:59 Only if they're in a relationship. Yeah, push is, if they're in a relationship, push is out. Yes, right. If they're in a relationship, you know talk. Right. If they're in a relationship, you don't talk about push. Yes. So we should say, but to be honest, we should say cheating, not pussy. It's pussy, yes. Are you agree? One of my single friends is like, I fucked the hottest woman
Starting point is 00:28:16 and then she threw it out of the bed. Yeah, of course. Whatever. We're talking about some mischievous style. Yeah. You know, mischievous push, you don't talk about that. Of course, but how do you feel about talking about hookups Everything we talked we've talked about every time I'm white I tell my wife most everything unless it's somebody I real like who's doing something really stupid not cheating I was white, but just like you know getting shit face got in the front I'm not gonna tell my wife's this guy got in a ball fight because then I was like I'm not gonna be able to play with him anymore
Starting point is 00:28:40 Right, so you don't yeah, you don't want to do that how long you married? I don't know. It's six years. Six years. Yeah. Adorable. Yeah, but we've been together for 12. So you know.
Starting point is 00:28:54 Yeah. Yeah. 12. Yeah, it's a long time. I mean, you were together. I mean, dude, I was the same thing. I was with Don for a long time before I got caught cheating and had to marry her.
Starting point is 00:29:04 No, I'm kidding. I was with you together for a long time before I got caught cheating and had to marry her. No, I'm kidding. I was really together for a long time. I mean, since I'm my early 20s, I'm 52. Wow. Yeah. That's great. I didn't know you knew me for that long. 30 years?
Starting point is 00:29:17 It goes for her. That's crazy. Yeah, I think we've known. Yeah, but you didn't, you weren't married at 20. I knew you. No, I was married when I was later I had my kid at 42, uh-huh, you know, but you why did he say gross? You know why it's fucking 52 I'm 41 and she's 45 she's having a baby at 45 that's epic. Mm-hmm
Starting point is 00:29:36 Yeah, you know, you got to get a push gift. Did you know that what's that that's a you say? It's a gift that helps push it out of that old guy. Yeah Really get like a pneumatic jack or something? I think you suck it. Oh What's that? It's a gift that helps push it out of that old vagina. Yeah. Really? Get like a pneumatic jack or something. I think you suck it. No. Yeah. No, you not, you get somebody with a bigger mouth to do it.
Starting point is 00:29:54 Yeah, you'll hurt it. Kid will come out like a conehead. Are you nervous about having the kid? I'm anxious about things. It's hard to say. It's like in general, it's anxiety inducing, but most of that's not here yet. It's exciting.
Starting point is 00:30:15 It's one of the things you can't really prepare for it in any way, other than buying the shit. Are you close? We're pretty close. It's like six weeks. Wow. No, you close to your wife. You live in the same house. We're relatively. Are you close? We're pretty close. It's like six weeks. Wow. No, you close to your wife. You live in the same house.
Starting point is 00:30:26 We're relatively. You like her? So yeah, it's weird, but yeah, there's nothing you can really do. I'm just trying to go out and work. No, you can do. Are you taking time off? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:39 Well, I had a weekend, by the way, in Michigan, then I had to reschedule. October 19th of the 21st, the babies do the 29th, the doctors were like, yeah, you'll be fine. And then every comic was like, you got a cancel, what are you crazy? You're not see piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:30:52 And so that canceled and the doctor was like, yeah, okay, either way, what have been fine? So I don't know. Yeah, the doctor's saying it. Yeah, but some people they come early, whatever. So anyways, yeah, I got a bunch of time off. It's a weird thing when the, you're in bed,
Starting point is 00:31:06 and then the water breaks. You have a water bed? Yeah, the water bed, I got a little heavy at the time. It was one of my fats, and she got sucked into it. No, when her water breaks is a fucked up. Did you get a doula? What's a doula? A doula is somebody that comes in and teaches you
Starting point is 00:31:25 all the things you need to know for the birth when you're there. Now we got no doula. You get a doula, come in and... I gotta get a doula. Have her come in and just tell you... Paula, a doula. Hello folks. Uh huh. So, when you, that happens, you know what to do.
Starting point is 00:31:42 The water breaks, dude, you gotta go to the hospital. Yeah, you gotta go to the hospital. water breaks too, you gotta know the hospital. Yeah, you gotta know the whole hell break, dude. All hell breaks loose. And so the doula does what? Can't you tell me what the doula said? Well, save me a few doulas. I forget.
Starting point is 00:31:59 I forget. He doesn't, he can't remember the Godfather. I can't remember the call, fuck it. He can't remember the Godfather. I can't remember the call, fuck it. He can't remember the Godfather. He can't remember the Godfather. I know, I know, I know. What is it? You know, you rub it back.
Starting point is 00:32:10 The water breaks, you put it in the car. You gotta smell it. You gotta touch it, make sure it's a certain consistency. You gotta look at it, make sure there's no speckles of blood in it. You gotta smell it, make sure there's no speckles of blood in it. Okay, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. All these things. I wanna broke, get in the car.
Starting point is 00:32:23 Go going over to the duel with the test. Make sure it's not funky tasting. And what, what do you qualify to do? Okay, fuck it now. All these things. I wanna broke, get in the car. Go going over to the do-a-to-do list. Taste it. Make sure it's not funky tasting. And what, what do you qualify to do? Uh-oh, cinnamon. Yeah. What do you do? I lied about the tasting,
Starting point is 00:32:32 but that would have been great if you fucking didn't shut your mouth. You would have been tasting. I know and I'm gonna taste the thing. I knew it. You would have thought. I'm only tasting pizza in burgers my whole life. I'm not tasting our pussy.
Starting point is 00:32:44 Oh. Oh, you do have the idea of looking pussy. You do have to look at it and see if there's any blood in it. But either way I'm going to the house. You have to, then what do you do? You have to smell it. And then after you smell it, what do you do? Get in the car. If we're going to the house, no matter what.
Starting point is 00:32:58 If there's blood, you gotta take a towel and stick it in a vagina. Put this in your vagina, get in the car. That's what's, like a medium-phase car. I'm kidding, don't do vagina. Put this in your vagina, get in a car. That's what's like a medium physical. That's not getting, don't do that. Take this down. You go to, you go, all right, I'm very sick. You got, are you sick?
Starting point is 00:33:12 Yeah, COVID. That's the positive today. When, like four hours a week. Are you really? No, it's a joke, I'm kidding. You were sick, though, right? Are you still sick? I'm not sick.
Starting point is 00:33:22 I had a sped. Pased this, see, see the consistency had a sped. Taste this, see. See the consistency of a sped. You gotta go to the hospital. And then they make a... No, it's a cold. I got like a little... Not you to dola with back on dola.
Starting point is 00:33:33 Oh, okay. Okay, go back on dola, thank you. And then you gotta give her back massages. Yeah, that's gonna work. I always do that. Yeah. And then they got the kid. That's how it started. Is she giving natural child birth?
Starting point is 00:33:50 We're gonna be playing it by year. She's gonna try natural. If not, we go. She ain't gonna make it five minutes. You're gonna go what? You're gonna go see section? I guess. Is she getting a epidural?
Starting point is 00:34:01 Maybe. I don't know. We're gonna play it by year. Don't play that by year. Epidural. Yeah, get that Yeah, what should get it dude? I've never seen he doesn't have any control over that. She's gonna scream for The stuff you woke Adam what woke Adam? He's not gonna be in the fucking room Pass out in the car on the way. Oh, in the room. I'm in the room. I'm good He's got I'm in the room Is sitting in the high chair? You really think he's good on the fucking pressure? Well, I'm not gonna have you two comments from the at the
Starting point is 00:34:30 pregnancy being like why is the fucking chair so high you fucking dork? I'm gonna go there shit. What's up a girl should get an up a girl I'll say give me a shot of that too little relapse and Enjoy it. They did all splatters on the floor. It's gross It doesn't go on the floor, you're busy. No, the placenta. No, it's in the bed. Well, whatever.
Starting point is 00:34:50 What is she doing standing up? Was she Russian? That makes more placents. Hi. And it drips everywhere. The baby comes out. You take your shirt off. The baby goes on your nipple.
Starting point is 00:35:01 Yada yada, you cry. Are you having this child in the farmland? What the hell would you just describe? Well, you gotta do the bonding. Did you have to do that? You got shirtless, the baby shirts. Yeah, I did that, but here's the thing I'm gonna tell you too, is for me, and I think for most guys,
Starting point is 00:35:17 you don't feel any connection towards this baby until like a few weeks out. I already feel kinda sh- It's shocking. That's cause you have female. It's shocking. Just a good half. It's- I was in shock.
Starting point is 00:35:32 I was pretending to do- Don't step up it, I hate you fucking stupid references, both of you. You should have a show references. Freaking fracked. I'm sorry. Karen tells me you have Jewish. It's just- Why did you do that, Bobby?
Starting point is 00:35:47 They would have never found it. What the hell, kind of people are they? Great film. Anyway. What the fuck, kind of people are they? Say, hey, you got to have a story. That was great. All right, look.
Starting point is 00:35:58 It was very good. Henry, Henry, what the fuck, kind of people are they? Karen. Yeah, dude, you, I was such a shock. And I was, I was, I think I was pretending to do what I saw in movies. I was like, oh my God. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:36:13 But inside I was just, when I really felt my son, is the day he looked at me and smiled. That's when I fucking, something just went boom. And I melted and I've never looked at it. Which is hot, 10 sizes plus two. That's good. It's another reference. Godfather, part two.
Starting point is 00:36:30 That's right, it's not for the two. Frank Panthangely says that. I hate both of them. I'm a salt and minus thing though. That's good. So when Max smile to you, it was all over. Yeah, it was great. I can't wait.
Starting point is 00:36:42 Yeah. You're gonna be great dad. It's funny because I talked to you about being a dad for a long time and you said, no, fuck that, never. Well, I had a childhood. You were very guest. Yeah, well, very, you know, there's some trauma from my childhood and it just seemed
Starting point is 00:36:57 undone. Yeah, but you wouldn't work. Yeah, but now, you know, you put some work in, you realize, oh, I can overcome that stuff. Be nice. Was it a planting or did it just happen? Plant, she's 45. Of course we planted.
Starting point is 00:37:10 You know, accidental branches. Plant it in charts. You know, it's funny. And the whole process started at Max's birthday party because Rachel brought her little baby. Oh yeah, the pool party. Oh yeah, we were there for her first swim and we were like, oh yeah, we should just do that
Starting point is 00:37:25 What are we doing? So you did it that night you came in her that night? No, at that point she was still on birth control and then we came in each other for a while You might have left. Sorry. Yeah back up one second if you're at home rewind that Well, did you say you came in each other? Yeah, we each other we came in you okay Okay, and then and then that wasn't working and then we went to the doctor and they were like, no, you're 84 years old. Why did you think this is gonna work? She's like, there's no chance that it would work. This just fucking, it's just dust all over the sheets.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Oh, God. And so we had to do some lab work and do a little phonetic. Her eggs were hanging on like a leaf and fall. Yeah. Which is eggshells. But yeah, we can be made at work and it's science and now we've got a baby.
Starting point is 00:38:07 I'm excited where you're in the baby. Now it's healthy baby, right? Yeah, very good. You gotta go through all that. That was the scariest part for me. When you gotta go through that first few months with like, hold on, chill out, and then you see it. Now when you found out it was a girl,
Starting point is 00:38:20 were you happy? Is that what you wanted? Oh, sorry. It's a boy and it's staying a boy. Is it a boy? He's gonna be a boy. We're going to a red county. He's gonna be a real man.
Starting point is 00:38:30 There you go. Showing the godfather, baseball, the whole thing. Right. I thought you were having a girl. Why don't you think you're having a girl? I don't know why I think Andrew was a fake sibling. You don't even know he's a boy. Why are you here? A man. What's his name? Do you have it? I'm not saying his name. We don't even know each other. No, I'm like, boy, why are you here?
Starting point is 00:38:45 A man. What's his name? Do you have it? I'm not saying his name. We don't need his name out there. Come on. Do you have it picked out yet? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:52 Does she know you haven't picked out yet? No, I haven't told her. No, okay. She said I get the name. That's not gonna be it. I'm honored. Yeah. I'm honored.
Starting point is 00:39:01 Well, you married us already. I'm honored, dude. So I gotta spread the love. Bob. You naming it Lewis J. Gomez. us already. I'm honored, dude. So I got to spread the love. Bob, you're naming it Lewis Jay Gomez. Lewis Gay Gomez. Hello folks. Yeah, that's exciting. It'll be. You're naming it Mark. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:13 No, it's going to be a great. Why? Do it. Who cares? Strong name. I can't be doing podcast with your kid. That's not a little bit like a Helen. Hey. Okay. Um, that's great. You haven't a boy. You're going to take your kid to the games. I know I can't wait. Okay. Um, that's great. You having a boy.
Starting point is 00:39:25 You're going to take your kid to the games. I know I can't wait. Like, catch. I can't wait. You're going to be an awesome dad. Thanks, buddy. Sarah's going to be a good mom. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:33 I'm going to say, no, she's going to be great. She's awesome. I'm going to be great. I can't wait. It's going to be really fun. We'll have to come over. Yeah. Have us over.
Starting point is 00:39:42 Yeah, call me. Yeah, everyone come by. I ain't got it. Come over anytime you want. I want to go to the tiny house How come you never had kids you just never wanted them? I did this point You really think this should continue Mike crazy. What are you talking about? You're a good guy You're a nice guy's a busy good looking guy. You're talented. What's wrong with you? Yeah, I'm all nuts. How nuts? How come you don't come off as nuts? Insight nuts, I get the anxiety just it's too much. Oh really you got anxiety Joe as anxiety
Starting point is 00:40:07 I know we talked about it. Yeah, we talked about it many times. Yeah, it's you call each other anxiety things what no We the puck us that we're gonna come a pocket, but but also I was on his he was on mine But it's like my stuff is just like it's it's different from yours because you got I also got dyslexia and ADD so my my my stuff is just like, it's different from yours, because you got, I also got dyslexia and ADD, so my stuff is all compounded with a bunch of shame shit you know, grown up, because I wasn't good in school. So, oh, that's why. Dude, I got that too.
Starting point is 00:40:36 And how did you got tested for dyslexia? Yeah, I got, and they did dyslexia, ADD, but they had no fucking idea what ADD, you know what I treated ADD when I was a kid? Sit down! That was it. Right. None of that shit.
Starting point is 00:40:48 So all the shame got piled on and stuff. So just unwinding everything. What'd you do for the dyslexia? Well, they didn't. You just not really do. I mean, they tried to do the eye thing because they thought one of the eyes were off and they didn't know.
Starting point is 00:41:00 Well, they could teach you how to process things with dyslexia. Yeah. I never got that far. What I found out was, and this is what happened me one of the kids, I couldn't read. Yeah. You know, so reading was difficult for me. So, they gave me, they gave me one of those big tape recorders for the, for the blind kids, and they gave me books on tape. This big orange tape recorder and they were for blind kids. So, the things were this big, it was like the phone and the assisted living. Did you have to carry that into the school?
Starting point is 00:41:27 No, I had kept it in a library. I was, you know. But the only books we got at a library was the children's books and then philosophy books. So I'm reading autobiography of a yogi and flat Stanley. So this is the shit that's going into my head. Now how is it? There's no sustained piece in the world of form? I do not like green eggs in ham
Starting point is 00:41:48 This is the shit that goes into my head. How do you deal with memorizing scripts that I can do because I can hear it what I do is My wife will read it Read me the script. Oh, and I can you wife read the script? She'll read the script I'll record it and then I'll just play it back Is that for a scene or the actual script? Well, it depends if it's a movie, you know, I just cut out my scenes. It's weird that I think memorizing scenes lines
Starting point is 00:42:13 for me is all confidence. Look, if I start to feel weird about it, I can't remember it. And there's another thing too, good writing. Good writing, I mean, easy, got it. Bad writing, I can't get it. Can't get it. What about you, good with improv?
Starting point is 00:42:30 I'm good with improv, but I get, you know, auditioning for me the last one I did it when we started doing these Zoom things. It's not a, I'm not good. I'm not good at, because you don't know where to look. There's no connection. I just did one today. Yeah, I'm not good. I'm not good at, because you don't know where to look. There's no connection. I just did one today. Yeah, I feel like fucking idiot.
Starting point is 00:42:49 Yeah, you're looking at, there's always, you know, you're looking at that person and it's, I don't know. Look and think about it as your coverage when you got there, that's the way, that's what helped me. It's like, because we got a camera. I'm like, okay.
Starting point is 00:42:59 Well, when you have coverage, the person's connecting with you and they're looking right at you and they're in it with you. When you're doing it with that, not only is it the person doesn't give really a fuck about the scene, they're just reading. And number two,
Starting point is 00:43:10 Are you doing these at home with your cameras here? Yeah. So I either have to look, if I do this, then I'm connecting with the person. If I'm doing this, I look blind. You understand?
Starting point is 00:43:19 Yeah. I look like this on the screen. And everybody's looking at me, I'm like, why would you do it? You know, it's just, I know. Are you doing it at home? Are you going into this?
Starting point is 00:43:27 I haven't had an audition in a long time. No, but they were home tapes. We're making them at the house. Yeah, I just, I couldn't do it. And then you go in, auditioning for me has always been a nightmare. Give me the part. I can kill it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:39 Oh, doing the parts, getting the parts is the hardest part. Doing it's easy. What are you saying? You're just say what? I was just saying this exact thing today, because I had to do an audition for some movie. And you just feel like a fucking idiot, because you're just staring and it's over,
Starting point is 00:43:53 you're recording your sense of self tape. And so you're recording yourself talking to nobody, and it's the antithesis of stand-up comedy, because it feels pretentious and silly, which is what we would make fun of. In a room, in a movie, you're with other people. So acting to me is an art form and you're going, oh yeah, fuck you, you fuck.
Starting point is 00:44:12 But when you're by yourself in a room, I'm like, this is what I make fun of. For me being like, doth, noth, ho. I didn't really go out for a Shakespeare, I thought that would be funny. Well, that's not even Shakespeare. I didn't know it was Shakespeare. Doth's Noth Howl.
Starting point is 00:44:27 That's not even a fucking word. Well, they say Doth. Doth is a thing, right? Well, Doth. Nope. Not Doth Noth Howl. Doth. Doth Vader.
Starting point is 00:44:36 Doth Noth Howl. I didn't like saying it. Doth is something. Doth pretests too much. I got an autistic kid whaling out at right now. They'll come up on that screen very quickly. Well, Iests too much. I got an autistic kid, fucking wellin' out of it right now. They'll come up on that screen very quickly. Well, I'm dumb to, I feel very similarly.
Starting point is 00:44:49 I felt a lot of shame bad grades couldn't pay attention all that stuff. It was very difficult. What does it say? Lady Doth pretests. Do it. It means do it, right? The Shakespeare.
Starting point is 00:45:00 Lady Doth. I'm married to Anne Hathaway. What does Doth mean? Doth. I think it does does lay it does yeah, there you go. Maybe you're right. Sorry Joe Yeah, Doth all right, Doth you're a dog. I'm sure they don't say it the way you said it though Doth new tire. That sounds like Hitler Yeah, that's not Shakespeare Easy I got some Jewish guys in the run We gonna make him start shaking.
Starting point is 00:45:25 Holy good. Cloud. Dude, come on. What, I'm just trying to have to hold that. I'm so it up on punchup.live. This whole thing's gonna be yellow. Um, isn't it? All right, all right.
Starting point is 00:45:39 So you have the room all set, you have a two bedroom now. We haven't moved yet. This is what's frustrating right now. So we're moving upstairs to a two bedroom now. We haven't moved yet. This is what's frustrating right now. So we're moving upstairs to a two bedroom. And what sucks is we have piles and piles of gifts from people, none from you. But we have these huge boxes of chairs, and diapers, and gifts now.
Starting point is 00:45:56 It's fine. But wait a second, go. First of all, you didn't get me shit with Max. What? No, when you had your baby, we weren't friends yet. You were in the hospital. You were doing the regs. Me, Dan, Dan, you and Lewis came.
Starting point is 00:46:11 No, are you out of your, wow. No, I have photos. He's 10. Yeah. We've been friends for 15 years. Yeah, I guess you're right about that. I'm 100% right. No, we started that.
Starting point is 00:46:24 Does he call you back uh... occasionally what wait when did you have the baby ten years ago ten years ago yeah i'm not getting all his birthday parties i brought something you never was poor okay that's fine
Starting point is 00:46:40 that's fine and i came to his birthday party what do you want i mean i but you don't give you don't give somebody a gift before you give it to him after at the shower No, the showers before you dumb dumb. Did you have one? We just had it last week. Oh, thanks for inviting me It wasn't Jack or Jill. It was just Jill. It doesn't matter. Did you like on? Jill out. Did you invite on? No, then fuck off How much was I was just I was just hugged you a gift and we're not even invited it was a joke a joke Can I get a part with you?
Starting point is 00:47:07 Good fellow again. I hate both I got a go strike it never comes back. They never make a movie joke. I'll care I got room my party It's a joke a joke anyways What no, so anyways, we have a bunch of shit in the house, but we can't so move yet and to put it in the thing, which is annoying. We're going to move in two weeks and then we'll set up the room. Like this for two weeks. We just have a pile of shit. We have boxes of stuff. I don't even know because it's in box. Did you get something? Do you need something? I don't know what we need. You have to ask Sarah. I'll get. I'm
Starting point is 00:47:41 going to get you. We have a registry thing. do I didn't get that I know cuz we I didn't send it to my fucking boys Oh now I'm your boys You've only known me for a year you know my kid you know my dad died you know I have a little Larry Larry died Andrew survives I know there's the older sisters hot and the other one that's also whatever nope the younger ones hot the other ones How many siblings do I have? You have three. You do? I was a lucky guess.
Starting point is 00:48:11 It's not a lucky guess, I know you. You're your mom and your dad? I know you. Yeah, yeah. No, I have one sister. I know you have one sister. You have one sister. You have one sister, you have one sister, you have one sister.
Starting point is 00:48:23 Yeah, I know that. Cat, lean. No, not even close I've won the sister, you asshole. Yeah, I know that. Cat Lean. No, not even close. Mary Beth Kennedy. Not even close. List. No, still no. Anyways, we got a bunch of stuff.
Starting point is 00:48:36 We got to move upstairs. Anyway, I'm drinking more. Drinking more what? It's good for you, punk. Drinking more what? Wine. It's good for you. It Drinking more what? Why? It's good for you.
Starting point is 00:48:46 Don't joke like that. From the Godfather. I hate your sayings. Don't even your sayings. Shhh. Shhh. Are you sad that you never had a kid? No.
Starting point is 00:48:55 Really? No. You'd be a good dad. I think I would be. You would be a great dad. I'm a great Godfather. Not. Who? Not. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop.
Starting point is 00:49:05 Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. It's a great film. Yeah. Very relatable. Number one at the box office.
Starting point is 00:49:13 Isn't that crazy thing about a three hour art house film was like the number one movie in the box office? We talked about it. We talked about it. We talked about it. We talked about it. We talked about it. We talked about it. We talked about it. We talked about it. We talked about it. We talked about it. We talked about it. Did that scar face did it? Did you had did you get the two did it Copeland notebook? Oh?
Starting point is 00:49:25 Yeah, yeah, I got it all in the bandit smoke in a bandit number one for the year Hush puppies daddy. We got no time for that crap. Sorry. I'm talking highest grossly film of the year I hate it Hey, me Diablo sandwich in a doctor pep naked fast. I'm gonna goddamn hurry. We got it. Give me a Diablo sandwich and a Dr. Pepper, make it fast, I'm gonna goddamn hurry. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything.
Starting point is 00:49:49 We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything.
Starting point is 00:49:56 We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got everything.
Starting point is 00:50:03 We got everything. We got everything. We got everything. We got man. You know some kidnapin. Yeah, I think he's got a permission and that's kidnap How's that for high jinks See now you're back That's one of my favorite movies. Well, look at your phone again. I'm gonna fuck it. Take it away put your phone down It's not like a 13-year-old. Oh, that was good. old. Whoa. That was good. That was good. That was fun. That was good.
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Starting point is 00:52:28 We're back, we're live here. You know what, do, Joe Lys, guest hosting. I got my guests, Adam Ferrara. Hello. And Robert Patrick Kelly. What's up, dude? And what a great episode. Thank you guys for being here at the shed. You're welcome. We're at the studios, the comic-acadabra studios. Thank you for being at the the at the shed. You're not the shed. We're at the studios. The common studio. Thank you for being at the high chair chat. This episode is brought to you by you're in the doth chair. Brought to you by bananas when you need carbs or do that we have a sponsor. Yeah bananas. Who's the sponsor today? Do I have an in-read? Yeah we'll do that at the end. It's um... You peel them and you eat them bananas. When you're dehydrated or you just need a snack.
Starting point is 00:53:07 Have you ever done the um... Comics come home? Yeah, you should. No, it's a sensitive spot for me. It's the one thing, uh, I know, you know, I'd like to do. It's a Boston, I'm a literal comic coming home. We're gonna get him on it. Get me on there, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:53:22 I wouldn't leary put him on this. I don't think he knows me, but I'm from Boston. I mean, aren't I the ideal person to come home? Well, I mean, now you're commonies where you kill it. I've done some arenas, I got a resume. I'd sell some tickets, frankly. Frankly? 50, 60 tickets.
Starting point is 00:53:39 What's it called? So why have you haven't done that? Well, maybe they don't know who I am, whatever it is. We gotta tell, we gotta tell Dennis about him. All right. You were, now you still't done that? Well, maybe they don't know who I am, whatever it is. We're gonna tell, we're gonna tell Dennis about him. All right. You were, now you still talk to Dennis? I do. Yeah, your friends?
Starting point is 00:53:50 Yeah, we did, I just, we texted me for the benefit of the rock for the Louis Firefighters Fund. Oh yeah, yeah. That was fun. It was nice. I don't do that one. He asked me just do the comics come home. Yeah, he's never asked me to do the high-falutin' stuff.
Starting point is 00:54:08 Well, you got to propel out of buildings and shit. You want to do that? What? Yeah. What are you talking about? The one at the rock, for the firefighters fun. You go in, it's the day at the training center. So, wow.
Starting point is 00:54:19 I would love to do that. Great. I come from a family of firefighters, by the way. No, I know. I do. 100% thought.. 100% doubt. I 100% do. Who's a firefighter in your family?
Starting point is 00:54:27 Your sister? My uncle, my uncle Doug is like the captain of the list. Doug List? The list of fire department. Campbell. Doug List? And my uncle, my uncle Dale as well. Dale List?
Starting point is 00:54:36 Campbell. Campbell, the name, yeah. Campbell List. So you got two people? Two people on the firefighters? Yeah, and then you know, you have like, you actually, you would be a good firefighter. That's what I was gonna be, that's what I wanted to be,
Starting point is 00:54:48 but then I found out they had to be a, you had to be a paramedic and the idea of like, sowing people up or giving people needles, I was like, I'm out. He, yeah, all right. Yeah, I don't blame you. Yeah, we're a big, big, I do the Uncle Dale's benefit every year.
Starting point is 00:55:00 For 20 years, I've been doing a benefit for the fire department, whole Brook Fire Department. It's a great show. It's so funny, he's got so many connections to Boston, firefighters, and he hasn't done the comics come home. Delivery is lovely. It's probably an incident. Was there an incident?
Starting point is 00:55:12 Yeah. I called Luria Homo. We got an offender bender. And I said, no, I don't know. Never met him. Don't know the man, but I was a big fan growing up, of course. When you did the rescue me. Yeah, you did it Did you do it Lenny right Lenny was there? Yeah, was Lenny a regular right Lenny clinton Lenny was uncle Ted now he was recurring his uncle Teddy recurring his angle I remember the episode with Kevin Knox and Kenny Rogers and we're on there the biker gang. Oh, yeah, that was I just saw I just saw Kenny in a
Starting point is 00:55:40 Natucket with Stephen right. I haven't seen oh many. Yeah, that was fun. I love it. You been in that tuck it? I went to the tuck it once with Al and the monkeys. That comedy group I was with to do some festival, some way back in the day though, before the one that's happening now. Yeah, I did the one I was now. You know, he used to run, it was Vic.
Starting point is 00:56:00 Yes, yeah. Look at the, yeah. I remember when I did it, the owner of the club or the wherever we were doing it we were eating before the show and he walks up never eat before a show rule number one and show business and he just walked away and we all just slowly put slowly put our hamburgers down there. We don't supposed to eat like we don't know show business. It's fucking hilarious. Yeah. No, no, tuck it's the best. That was fun. Is it? Oh my God. It was fun. If I could own
Starting point is 00:56:29 property anywhere like I was that had the money and I was a guy with people with money, then tuck it. You think I love it. I heard it's more expensive than high in us. Oh my God. It's more. Yeah, whatever the fuck. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like stupid, stupid, stupid. You gotta take a boat out there, right? Boat or orals, they flew in one of those buddy holly planes they fly in. Right, yeah. That's fucking scary.
Starting point is 00:56:51 No, and in a tuck it's amazing because it's mostly preservation. It's like beautiful cobblestone woodhouses and then most of it is just preserved. And you can ride your bike everywhere at great beaches. It's like spectacular. How's the crime?
Starting point is 00:57:02 It's zero of it. Zero crime. I mean, I'm sure somebody steals a hubcap or something people from the mainland get drunk and fucking piss in the bushes But no one's getting we're gonna swim out in Antarctica to piss in the bush. Um, yeah, there's no crime No crime nobody's ripping off a fendi store out there. I don't think there's no fendi store There's no there's no have any corporations. What do you mean? There's no starbucks. There's no starbucks. What do you mean? There's no corporations. There's no McDonald's. Oh no shit.
Starting point is 00:57:28 No Starbucks. No Starbucks. It's coffee. Dunkin' Donuts. Dunkin' Donuts made it out there. No. Really. Remember seeing it.
Starting point is 00:57:36 I don't think so. Wow. I'm not a fan. No. I'm not, I'm not, I can't. But you're in the fucking woods. I like you in the pommas. They have woods.
Starting point is 00:57:44 They have wood. You're not know the fan tuck it high folks. What is this? What is this read it? This is a then tuck it crime. It's a number of crimes 24 violent crimes annually. 184 property total 208 is a 1.66 crime. Whatever per capita of a thousand residents. A thousand residents. Those in residence. Yeah. So there's some crime.
Starting point is 00:58:07 Let me find out if there was 24 rapes in here though. Yeah, but what's the population? I don't tell you it here. 24 people. 24 people and every one of them. And they hit each other. They hit each other. They hit each other.
Starting point is 00:58:20 I'm not a fan. I mean, I'm not a fan, but I, the cape, and then tuck it all these places. It's like- 11,000. I've been to the vet. I think I a fan. I mean, I'm not a fan, but I the Cape and then tuck it all these places. 11,000. I've been to the vid. I fucking hated it. Hey, what with noxie. Right. I did the hot tin roof. I bombed and then we had to take that that community shuttle back to the hotel. Although the bed and bread. Where the fuck was staying? Okay. And I don't I don't like that where I got to wait for nine other people
Starting point is 00:58:45 and they drop everybody off the way. That's not the place. That's just the situation. Yeah, but that's part of the place, which makes me sick. Okay, but the weather you didn't like this. No, I mean, whatever. The beach beach is fine. I'd rather go to Maine or Hampton Beach. Madeline. Main's what do you it do you mean it's beautiful? The only one syllable state is what do you Gary Goman? Um, man, what do you mean? What do you mean? Man is awesome. What a cold.
Starting point is 00:59:12 I was a man. I like cold. Yeah. What do you want? What do you want? Tropical? Hawaii. I go to Hawaii.
Starting point is 00:59:20 F*** Hawaii, too. No, the rainiest state. Yeah, Hawaii. Do you have to shit on everything? I'm not, I'm saying it's rain here than every other state i love look up i love who i am people i love who i i but it's the beaches are dangerous the sharks everywhere this coral this should there's no sharks in the
Starting point is 00:59:37 those sharks up in the in the land of go to niruba and it wells is no sharks what's that rainy state they go high overall rania state And then Wells is no sharks. What's that? Rainier state. There you go. Overall, Rainier state. I guess if you like, I'll still get a house in Kauai.
Starting point is 00:59:50 Kauai, you mean? You mean, Kauai Leonard? Kauai Leonard. We're gonna see the pineapple island. I mean, the pineapple island. It's the pineapple island. I'll take it. That's where the doles live.
Starting point is 00:59:59 I used to go every year and they were right by K.A. Beach. And it was beautiful. I mean, it takes too long to get there. It they would write by K.A. Beach. And it was beautiful stuff. I mean, it takes too long to get there. It's a fucking nightmare to get back. And I'd rather go to a rubah. It's a four hour flight. And they have juicy sandy no wave beaches. I don't know waves.
Starting point is 01:00:15 I don't surf. I'm always. I hate a no wave. You know waves, I like Wells Beach. I like those waves. They're like midwaves. I'm not going to Hawaii where you know the the 100-year storm is coming in. I got fucking Patrick Swazie coming in on a hundred-foot
Starting point is 01:00:30 wave. You know what the name of that beach is? Yeah. Welles Beach. End point break. Was it? Yeah. Yeah. Why would you remember that? Because I sing the movie many times. I retain these things. I can't wait to have a kid and all that shit goes out the window. No, I'm going to remember all of it. I'm going to teach him. You won't. You won't. No, I'm sitting up. Before I was slouching because I wanted to be level please don't let everyone know What's up teacher kid movies that shit why I hate it
Starting point is 01:00:54 Film remember when I was on tour with Louis and Nuranon Mm-hmm. It's all they did was talk about fucking movie shit. We're literally in the badlands. I Mean it's beautiful in South America. I'd film Terence Malik. Martin Sheen. It's wonderful. And Sissy Spasic, she's just a teenager. Nothing.
Starting point is 01:01:14 Very good film. Nothing. Terence Malik's first movie. I hate you. And I don't know who Terrick's, who's Terrick's Malik? He was in Badlands. Terrick's Malik. He's a filmmaker.
Starting point is 01:01:24 He made, I think, Life of Pi or Pi. He did the red line. That pissed me off. I love Pi. I love Pi. Not for your whole life. Who's the Life of Pi? Is that that Tiger movie?
Starting point is 01:01:34 Life of... No, that's crouching tiger hidden dragon. No, the one with the tiger on the boat. Who's the one with the tiger on the boat? What? That's Life of Pi. Yeah. Is it? Somebody woke up. We all looked at the screen, but no one's doing that. That's life of pie. Yeah. Is it? Somebody woke up. We all looked at the
Starting point is 01:01:45 screen, but no one's doing shit. Nothing's there. There's 11,000 people that live in Antarctica year round. Bobby's changed. He used to be like, what the fuck? When life of pie is different. That's annually. Yeah, life of pie. When I was right. Yeah. But who is what did Terrence Malik did? He did something pie or life. Ang Lee did a tree of life. He did tree of life. Broke back mountain. Yes. That's a great film. No, that film.- Tree of life. He did Tree of life. Brokeback Mountain. Yes. That's a great film. No, that film.
Starting point is 01:02:08 I love it. I love it. It's true. You do. You're spitting your hand in a tent all the time. You know my- It's a success. Greg Stone and I were at the comedy condo in Tampa.
Starting point is 01:02:16 And you did, you reenacted Brokeback Mountain in a- No, I was like- I was like Cowboy hats and said we can't- I was talking about the film. Can't get enough of you. What was it? I wish I could quit you. Wish I could quit you.
Starting point is 01:02:26 I wish I could know that. That's one of my favorite movies ever. But we were what I was like telling them about it. Ever? I've seen it. Absolutely. Why? It's beautiful.
Starting point is 01:02:36 It's beautiful. Look at it. It's also heartbreaking. And just because we're not gay doesn't mean you don't feel that way. I feel the way about my son. Buddy, he lives on the other side of the country. How do you think real? How do you think, real? How do you think Cowboys felt when they were like,
Starting point is 01:02:47 let's go see this movie halfway through and turn it into a gay porn? They must've been like, what the fuck? I thought they were gonna see like a Clint Eastwood slick. Get the horse, we're getting outta here. What the fuck? I think that's more. Who'd you tail?
Starting point is 01:02:59 I think that's more with that newer movie that came out the one that Sam Elliott was mad about. What's that? Netflix movie with Benedict, coming my back. Oh, it was fucking the kid. When he was banging the retarded kid. Was he banging a retarded kid? I mean, the kid wasn't all there.
Starting point is 01:03:13 What was that movie called? It just came out last year. It was called fucking a redneck young boy. It was called Yeehaw. You know what I'm talking about? Benedict, come in our back. Is that the guy that played? minkon sure cock a pulse? Comber, but not copper match. What the fuck was that someone just fell?
Starting point is 01:03:31 Make a fucking it was called power the dog it was called power the dog. Why do you always get a mignol? Don't call sorry like I beat you I'm sorry. It was called power the dog power the guy anyways broke back fucking rules Get back the anyways broke back fucking rules and get back to my broke back what raising anything broke back mountain was one of the best movies of all time but you what you see it one time or zero time i've jerked out with seven times right it's a lot of the parties
Starting point is 01:03:57 he's washing his dirty sheep ass in the water and then he sticks it and jake jim all but yeah it's great not great. Yeah, it's great. Not great. It's good. It's not the best one of the best movies of all time. I said it's one of my favorites. Is it Blade Runner would fucking is one of the best movies of all time?
Starting point is 01:04:12 Well, a gay runner. You do. All right. Yeah. I got a game you want to play. What? Danny. You ready?
Starting point is 01:04:22 Yeah. There's a thing. Explain it, Danny. This is all over the subways now, by the way. So it's just the arm head. Yes, the girl. Okay, this is crazy. I was on the stuff all over the subways. It's it's insane.
Starting point is 01:04:35 There it is. So there's a new ad campaign by Dove for body positivity, free the pits where they are encouraging showing your armpits. The pit. There's a lot of armpits. Free the tent. Yeah. There's a lot. That was the first campaign.
Starting point is 01:04:51 Free the nipple. But it's not arm. It's stubble. It's like that. Some of it stubble, some of it yet, but it's make a choice. It's just the idea. And the, the, the, the statistic they give is six out of 10 women judge other women's armpit hair.
Starting point is 01:05:04 So we have to stop that is what they're saying. Well, don't talk to us. Talk to six women. So we think it'd be fun to instead of stopping judging them have an actual contestery, literally judge their armpits. Let's judge it. Let's judge this.
Starting point is 01:05:15 What are we judging on? What's the scale? What criteria we're looking for? One to 10. I think we should put them against each other. So it's not what I think that's not that bad. I think I think that's it. It doesn't even look not what I think that's not that bad. I think I think that's how. It doesn't even look like, yeah, that's just like a fork.
Starting point is 01:05:29 Can you zoom in on the pit? That looks like my asshole. Not zoom out, zoom in. Just like some residue. Yeah, zoom out more, make it smaller. Now do that, your autism sucks. Yeah, go. Whoa, go even bigger, I want to say that that yeah, see that looks a little bit like my bum
Starting point is 01:05:49 I mean, but the stretch marks in there. There's a face in there. That's I mean oh, yeah, I see that see the face where There's just right there see the face the scream. Dan. It's that you little matter face the white mooch The scream. Yeah, I see it pull up the screen two eyes and a nose The white munch the screen. Yeah, I see it. Pull up the screen. Two eyes in the nose. Oh, yeah, I do see the screen face. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:08 And two eyes made up. I actually do see a fat chick's asshole too. If you go like this. If you go like this. Yeah, cut that off. It looks like an asshole. Without the beard, it's him. Oh, fuck it.
Starting point is 01:06:21 This, I hate this show. My, I got a bar of snipes, okay? I'm the sinner, right? I'm gonna go back and just sin it. Okay. I hate this show. I got a bar of snipes. Okay. I have to send it. I'm gonna get back to send it. Okay. Let me see that. I don't even see anything. Well, she's hot and has a hot.
Starting point is 01:06:31 Zoom in on that. Let me see it. It's not necessarily about the hair. It's just about the pits in general. So you should be allowed to have whatever pits you want. Yeah, sure. That's not bad. That looks like one's hairy the other one.
Starting point is 01:06:41 Yeah, that's my wife on any given day. Right there. She has that little five o'clock shadow. Yeah, let's go. What do you got? Oh, it's gonna be good. Oh, I saw this lady. Big room.
Starting point is 01:06:52 Oh, this is gonna be tired. It's gonna be red, too. This is gonna be gross. No, she got that. Keep it zoomed in. Oh, that's nice. She got a tattoo. That must have hurt.
Starting point is 01:07:00 You know, bad. Keep it zoomed in, Maximus. Please. Yeah, I want to, that's, that's it. It's not bad. There's no hair at all. that to get zoomed in Maximus please yeah that's that's it that's not bad there's no hair at all that's number one so far but she's always going to shape she spent the money on that right now that's next i'll see that that's an actually that was a step that's a burn
Starting point is 01:07:20 oh that's kind of gross yeah that looks like a middle-aged woman's i kind of see a face in this one too zoom out a little Yeah, see you're up to the top left. Yeah, that's Thank you killing with the Autist yeah, my who can't? All right, who's this this gonna be bad. That's not bad either Yeah, it's just that she's just late for work that Ingrow hair is fuck oh I love that if my wife isn't in grown. I'm getting in there. Oh, I squeeze it right out Yeah, I'd rather have long hair. Let's go. Let's get some hair
Starting point is 01:07:58 Oh, is that one bad nope, it's not bad. I'm gonna just Just Get a good one, Max. This is fucking, this is your dick tees in us. I mean, come on dude, this is not shaved. These are all shaved. This is a day of not shaving. Yeah, that's all it is.
Starting point is 01:08:16 What are you guys doing? What are you putting us through? The fuck is that? That's me. Ha! What does it say? Pits equal what? Six and ten.
Starting point is 01:08:29 Why is this fucking guy in here? Oh, Pits are equal. What does it say another thing? Pits in New York. Women's armpits, let's change the pits of New York. I don't get it. So, does this a chick with a shaved head? That's me.
Starting point is 01:08:43 That's... What? That's me. That's. What? That's me. Oh. You asked Halls. Oh, weird. Oh my God. Let's see that.
Starting point is 01:08:53 Whoa. Now we're talking. Now it's hard. It looks like fucking horseshack. Oh. At a clan meeting. You're just going to be a boy. Oh my God, that's like a terrible kidnapping.
Starting point is 01:09:06 Richer on a bitch. That's terrible, man. Imagine that, trim that. Just stop, stop puke-shaming. I like that, though. No, you don't. Yeah, I like that. No, you don't.
Starting point is 01:09:18 You do? No, you don't. What's hot about it? Well, because you can see a little bit, it's like a trailer, a teaser. Dude, it's gross. It looks like you're fucking a caveman. I got nothing you like it at him. Nope. No way trim that up. What is that? What does it say? Oh
Starting point is 01:09:34 Does hair make you stand? Why is she shaving on the subway? She's shaving a box. I'm like no, but those lumps. She's very lumpy I'm like who's spending money on this promotion? Who backed this? Who said you know what we need it looks like she's wearing the Mrs. Doutfire outfit? He has underneath that makes him look like that's what I look like now shirtless shirtless. Yeah, let's tuck in But who's what's it? Who's the sponsor by? Duff
Starting point is 01:10:00 Duff David off. Yeah, David off. Yeah, it's crazy. Women should grow head. It's, yeah. It's astronomical. Women, how many women? Don't grow their head under the pad. I like it.
Starting point is 01:10:12 A good hairy pit. Like the fucking bang it and lick it. You know, hey, I like it. I need to get the word out. I need to get the word out about women's pubes. Well, guys, I got questions for you. Good. I can't wait.
Starting point is 01:10:25 For some of you guys. Well, you headlined in the Wilbur, too, Joe, huh? What? You headlined in the Wilbur. Oh, I did. Yes. Back in April. How was that?
Starting point is 01:10:35 It was amazing. It was very fun. Was that your first line of? I had a headline in. Yeah. Really? Yeah. It's very exciting.
Starting point is 01:10:43 Yeah, I was blooming right. He was out of town. That's good. Yeah, it was awesome. Taylor there. Yeah, the sun. Yeah, she's the best. It was just Taylor. She was so sweet. Yeah, it was really fun. It was awesome.
Starting point is 01:10:50 It was like a, it was exciting. The last time I did the, I headlined there because I moved over to Laf Boston. Yeah, yeah. Because it, you know, it was, I was doing good there, but then I was there one weekend and it was, what the fucking crazy. Left horse, it's still down by the pier. Yeah, by the pier. Anthony Jesselnack, then I was there one weekend and it was um fucking crazy.
Starting point is 01:11:05 Of course it's still down by the pier. Yeah, by the pier. Anthony Jesselnack, Wanda was there on Thursday. Anthony was there on Friday. Kevin Hart was second show on Friday. No, Anthony was on my night before me. I was the 10 o'clock show. It was like five different comedians.
Starting point is 01:11:21 In the same venue. Yeah. It's like, I don't know what the, what do you do? How many people, you know what I mean? Can you, yeah, move in and, yeah. And it was, Burr was there before me, did 19 shows in a row. I was like, I'm out. I just go to a club. I can do this, you know. I felt like, I like, I like, in the hotel, you just walk right down the street. I love the world, but two, the world was great. I just stayed at the W walk right across the street. It's fucking awesome. That was the first that was where Molland Brando did his first play really he actually
Starting point is 01:11:54 Lived in the theater for a couple weeks because he had no place to go when he was rehearsing for yeah Wow fun fact So that's great that you finally I mean dude you didn't you open for me there once? I don't know if I open for you there You open for me so then you'll hold yes. I open for both of you guys. I don't know I open for your car lines I'll Caroline and then I did Gary's special at the Wilbur Theatre Gullman the in this economy and I hope for you at yeah Fanny Hall coming home. I open for you at the improv in Irvine. That's when I first met you at Fannie Hall, coming home. I hope for you at the Improv in Irvine.
Starting point is 01:12:25 That's when I first met you at, hey, go T. I remember making that ride from, I was in Venice, and I had to take that ride on a Friday. Yeah. Out to Irvine, I mean, it was, you had to leave it like, fucking 12 o'clock. The day before. To get out, it was a nightmare, and then getting home with suck,
Starting point is 01:12:42 because they'd shut, in LA, they'd just shut the shut the highway down. I mean, just shut it down. And you're like, for what? Like, was there a... We got a sweep. Well, it's crazy. And you get home at like three in the morning. Yeah. I remember the Irvine Amprice don't fucking want to kill myself. Here we go. You ready? Go ahead. Joe special. Um, here we go. You ready? Go ahead. Joe's special. It's up on punch up dot live. Yes.
Starting point is 01:13:09 Right now. Yes. Good place to go. And you go watching on YouTube. The edited versions on YouTube. They didn't let us know that. The yellow version. They're both you couldn't edit it.
Starting point is 01:13:18 No, we were going to take it down and replace it with a muted version, but we're going to lost all the views and stuff. So it's just up there. Oh, wow. What a, it's just sucks. It was frustrating. Well, you know, the next time. What can you do?
Starting point is 01:13:29 Punch up punch up dot live. You're gonna have all that data. It's all yours, which is great. Yeah, you can sign it from an email list and get by tickets from there. You can, oh, you put, I'm putting my tickets up there. Yeah, your dates are up there. You can just go right in there. I love it.
Starting point is 01:13:42 And when you sell tickets, you know how many tickets you sold. Yes. You get that information too. Yes. Instead of the club having it, that's good. You're a special YouTube YouTube. You can get it on YouTube. Hopefully I'll put it on punch up now that I know. You should. I'm going to get on YouTube.
Starting point is 01:13:57 I am at, I'm an Uncle Vinnie's this weekend Friday Saturday. And point pleasant New Jersey. Point pleasant. Love Uncle Vinittys. Uncle Vittys is fun, I got the Liberty Live coming up next month, I got the... Is the Liberty Live still open? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:12 I heard the mall was like the Siddik Jews were buying that mall. Really? That's what I heard. All right, so the show will be old before sundown. I heard they were buying the whole mall. I, who'd you hear this from? My friend of mine who lives over there.
Starting point is 01:14:25 In Niaq. In Niaq, yeah. It's still in? I mean, that whole area is all acidic juice. They took over. That upstate is. That, they're taking a, they're doing upstate and they're taking over Niaq. I mean, yeah, over there, dude, there's, there's a town over there.
Starting point is 01:14:40 I think it's New City or whatever it's called. If you drive through it on Saturday, Saturday, they throw rocks at your car. Really? 100%. Because it's the Sabbath. You're not supposed to be driving. And it's, they moved in. They ran for office,
Starting point is 01:14:59 both of them and said, fuck it, it's our town now. Wow. And they make the rules. You can't drive, but you can throw rocks. throw rocks that doesn't you can't drive through it because you're not supposed to drive a car and I supposed to go through you know on the Sabbath all right throw rock right in your car all right well the change the changing the name to the Gaza Strait
Starting point is 01:15:16 uh... are we got this ready this is for uh... from scruffy bones any plans to come back to the uk joe uh... i would like to i love the uk i love europe where do you plan the uk for from Scruffy bones. Any plans to come back to the UK Joe? I would like to. I love the UK. I love Europe. Where'd you play in the UK? I did. First into the Soho Theatre. Banana. Banana. Banana Z East. So fishing chips. The first I did the Soho Theatre a few years ago, which was awesome. And then last time I did a place also in Soho, but it was more like a coffee shop kind of venue.
Starting point is 01:15:48 It was fucking great. Last year, yeah, yeah, it was packed out. It was great. I mean, I was there. The first time I was there for vacation, I went to Wales, hiking with Sarah. And the second time I went for dolphins. Wales, I don't know, I'm trying to, you know, throw a couple,
Starting point is 01:16:05 a couple of yuckers out there, but the other time I was there for that stupid TV, not stupid, great TV show. Silly is what I meant, the show was awesome. Got it. What was it? What was the stupid TV show? It's not stupid. It's the first time.
Starting point is 01:16:19 What's that thing? It was great. It was called, God, what the fuck's the name of the show? Great American joke off. Great American joke off. It was on the CW. It's by the guys that made, whose line is it anyways?
Starting point is 01:16:32 What do you do? You have to improv? No, you write jokes and it's fun. It's a fun show. Everyone should check it out. It was a great show. I loved it and I'm grateful to be a part of it. But what do you do?
Starting point is 01:16:43 It's like a... Like a topic? A category? Yeah, it's like a to be a part of it. Well, what do you do? It's like category. Yeah, it's like a British talk show kind of thing who hosts it don't say Sloan From here. Yeah, it was all American comics. There was a few British comics on Luke Moines. Is it a British show? It's produced by British guys and They had accents. What did they say on the check who paid you? Great American. I mean I don't know. Did you film it over there? We filmed it there. But it's shown here. Yes. Why didn't they just film it here? Because they don't make it in America. No, it's cheaper. It's a lot cheaper. My
Starting point is 01:17:17 cheaper to film over there. My friend Rutledge, the guy I was on top get with, is doing the hot wheel show on NBC. Yeah, shooting it in the UK. It's cheaper. Yeah. It's cheaper to fly people over there. Is that show over? You done with that show? Top Gear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're going to bring it back at all. I doubt it. We don't we don't know. It's originally from there, right? It's originally from UK. We we the American bro. And that guy got in some hot trouble, right?
Starting point is 01:17:39 Yeah. He slept to produce it, which is frowned upon. Really? Yeah. I'm going to do that as soon as we're done here. And Danny couldn't get there. I said, look at Danny. Okay, he slapped a producer. Which is round upon. Really? Yeah. I'm gonna do that as soon as we're done here. Fucking Danny couldn't get there. I said, look at Danny. That wouldn't slap Danny. Won't you turn that fan around?
Starting point is 01:17:52 Don't do it. Why is he tough? No, but he's got fucking some crazy autism strength. He does? I don't know. You all right, Danny? Look, he gets mad. He's mad.
Starting point is 01:18:04 I'm asking to be okay. He's mad. I don't have a returged strength if that's what you're asking. Whoa. Nobody said that. Yeah. We said that, but you. It's a real thing. You said returbed. Autism strength is not a real thing.
Starting point is 01:18:15 Returbed strength is. I mean, this is crazy. I do way. I can't wait. So do you qualify? Oh, yeah, I have the tism. I got a question for Adam. Go ahead.
Starting point is 01:18:24 Pasta champ 76. I can't wait. So are you do qualify? Oh, yeah, I have the Tism. I got a question for Adam. Go ahead Posta champ 76 Posta champ 76 Adam, what is your top Three favorite cars you've driven top I did a I did a hundred and 88 in a Ferrari F12 Berlinetta Wow, what is that bring that up? What is it called a ferrige and called an F12 Burlenetta. Wow. What is that? What is it called? A Ferrari. It's called an F12 Burlenetta.
Starting point is 01:18:47 F12 Burlenetta. Burlenetta. Burlenetta. Wow. Burrari. So that's one of my favorite cars. It's a nice time. I know.
Starting point is 01:18:56 You're in your own private Idaho. Oh, that doesn't look that fast. Yeah. I think top speed is it. I think it's 226. I'm not sure, but I got up to a buck 88. And at a buck 40, the start card, it starts getting lights, you can feel this.
Starting point is 01:19:13 And it's not like you just drive it. I gotta talk to the camera and shit. So around 187, my ass sensed a little speed wobble. And at that speed, if you go like, you're dead. So I got to 188 last time I looked down and I lifted. I wanted to go 200. I've never gone 200, but that, I think it's a 226 mile an hour car. Don't quote me, but I think it is.
Starting point is 01:19:31 Don't you have a fin to something you can flap down? That's it. You're looking at it. What is there a thing that will keep you on the ground? Well, all the arrow and stuff is designed to do it, but you still do it 188 miles an hour. I mean, you know, that speed. I was on the auto-bond with Louis in a Volvo.
Starting point is 01:19:46 We did 112 and the thing was shaking. Yeah. Yeah. Volvo's aren't designed to do that. Is that your phone? Who's phone is that? It's not me. I think that's how it's- I allowed to look them on. I got scolded. So that one, 57 Starfire Olesmobile,
Starting point is 01:19:59 because that's the car. 57 Starfire Olesmobile. I think it's outside. I don't think so. It's in here. I'm inside the house. That was the call my father built. You're a father. What is it? What is that? 57 starfire Oles, Olesmo bill with a J2 convertible.
Starting point is 01:20:18 Bring up a convertible. My father built that car when he was a kid. Then he had me and he had no money. So he had a cell seller car. Oh my god Yeah, so between that and Catholicism 12 bucks says here on evening. Yeah, that's not a real that's exactly. See that blue one The blue one that one yeah Wow, yeah, he built that yeah, 57 starfire rolls and uh and my
Starting point is 01:20:40 Threat one right there. Is that the grease car? No, that grease lightning the blue and the white one. There you go. Sandy look at that. Sandy. I mean, that's a pretty car. That beautiful. That is not going to happen. No, he sold it when I was a kid.
Starting point is 01:20:57 But my father put a continental kid on the back. That's the big tire on the Lincoln's right. So you put it on the back. So the end of the tie to the back was like six feet. My mother took her road test in that car. Paralow parked in Queens and when not can fucking garbage cans off the sidewalk because the car was so long.
Starting point is 01:21:13 I got my road test, my license in a 67 Chevy Impala Fordor. Yeah. Yeah, it was nightmare. That's big. It was huge. You Paralow parked that thing? I did. I had to.
Starting point is 01:21:24 It was the only car. My uncle had it. And that's the. It was huge. You parallel parked that thing. I did had to him. It was the only car. My uncle, my uncle had it and And that's the only car I had. So I did that. Yeah, I took him. He drove me down there. We all I remember it took me 10 minutes That's a beautiful car. I want to get one. I think that's my next thing I would love to get one of those old cars. Old muscle cars. Something like that. Yeah, it's like a cruiser, not my car. A muscle car is too much, but the different,
Starting point is 01:21:51 I don't know if I want that. Do you like that? What's your third car? 68 390 Fastback, which is the bullet car. The movie bullet. Oh, he knows. Great film. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:03 Steve McQueen. Steve McQueen, the director first came around. I thought it was Steve McQueen great film. Yeah Steve McQueen Steve you know and Steve McQueen the director first came around I thought it was Steve McQueen the actor. Yeah, how about Steve Mcqueer. Oh, my good That's it the green one That's a pretty car man. 68390 fast back. That's Highland green with American race. How fast is that go? It's not that fast. Yeah, not that fast at all. I mean, the Ferrari's fast. I just did 114 in my Lexus going up to the Hampshire. That's cool.
Starting point is 01:22:32 114. What kind of Lexus do I don't know, it's my wife's car. SUV or a sedan? SUV. Oh, okay. We were flying. It was a guy we were going up to the country
Starting point is 01:22:41 and there was a guy pulled up. I passed him and he pulled up. It was just in a shit car and he was like, yeah. And Max said, go get him. So I passed him and we just just kept going, give me a shot of thumbs up. And then I just stood at 119. I looked down, because I didn't know it was a brand new car.
Starting point is 01:22:59 It's Alexis. I go, we're going 119. Max is like, yeah. Matt 119 max, like, yeah! Matt Dom was like, no! Driving to endangered with a minor in the car. That's so... Okay, ready? Can we get a Google on that?
Starting point is 01:23:12 Joe, one e-bomb, let's go back to UK for scruffy bones. You're gonna go back? I wanna go, but I'm having a child, so that's gonna make it tricky. But maybe we'll go, you know, Sarah has British citizenship, her mother's British. Really? We might move there when it's time to go to school,
Starting point is 01:23:23 so we doesn't get shot America New York, no, because I live in the suburbs. I'm not an idiot that lives in Queens. No, it doesn't happen in the cities No school shooting happens in the city Yeah, I live in not doesn't now where I live That's what everyone says What happens now and then I have the house in the hamshift. Something does happen, we go up there, we're done. Yeah, you're right. I would say no hamsh, there's no guns there.
Starting point is 01:23:48 Yeah, there's protective guns. I'm talking about school shootings. How do they go? Joe, Blue Balls 1. What has been Joe's favorite movie of last year? Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. of last year? Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Of last year? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:24:08 I'm really gonna stop movies a year. I know it's gonna be queer. No, it's not gonna be queer, not necessarily. I know it's not gonna be fun. My favorite movie so far this year, are you there, God, it's me, Margaret? Which is about a teenage girl having this in the period. You're such a, is that your favorite movie?
Starting point is 01:24:22 That's your favorite movie of all year. So far this year, I mean, there's not a lot of great movies a bloom. That's your favorite movie of all you so far this year I mean, there's not a lot of great movies you let your son come hang with me so we can have some man shit What do you talk about? There's nothing more mainly than the godfather and good fellas. You what's the movie? You just said are you there God? Margaret the Judy balloon book. No, it's very well done. It is very good well done. No last year my favorite movie was X Did you see X? Oh? Fuck it. I love I love trip is a triple X would no X
Starting point is 01:24:54 What's that's not a master? It's a slasher. They're making a porn. There's a big slasher It's it's tits and sex and murder. Why are you pulling it up? He is high west. I know I want to go faster They never go as fast as I want it by this director named Ty West. He's great. X, yeah, yeah. It's fucked up. Oh, you got to watch it. It's about the, it's from the 70s. I mean, it's from last year, but it takes place in the 70s
Starting point is 01:25:11 and they're going to make a porn, an artistic porn movie, and then they're making it in this old... The green door and deep throat, they're kind of... Yeah, yeah, and so it's a real tribute to these old slasher flicks. There's a lot of homages. Is it scary?
Starting point is 01:25:28 I don't know, but I've never really found movies scary. It's fun. I know. I didn't even heard about this movie. Oh, it's a sequel too that also came out. It's called Why. How did that happen?
Starting point is 01:25:41 It's really great. Yeah, they keep doing sequels until it says you shouldn't have went to this. It's thanks, happen? It's really great. Yeah, they keep doing sequels until it says you shouldn't have went to this. It's, thanks, Max. It's really, it's really awesome. Do it, right? And the secret of it just came out last year. They shot them all at the same time.
Starting point is 01:25:57 How many sequels? There's three. It's a trilogy, and they take place in different decades. What's the, the sequels called, it's a woman's name? I forget what the hell it's called Oh, yeah, Maxine is a new one and Pearl is the second one So came out in March, so it's called X X yeah You can ask her to it. It's fun. It's scary. I missed my heart was that you could jerk off to yeah, this is it's a total homage I'm not I'm like I like
Starting point is 01:26:23 I'm not doing that. What is it? I'm not a slasher guy. How'd you go again? Oh, I'm not doing that. It's very good. Did you do that? I've done that during my youth. Oh, ah! Oh. But I think we'd mostly like the same movies. I don't like the action comic booky things,
Starting point is 01:26:35 and you don't like the gay stuff. But in between, we're probably lined up. Yeah. That's probably true. I don't like the slasher stuff. I do like the comic book movies. I don't like the slasher stuff. I do like the comic booky things and you don't like the gay stuff, but in between we're probably lined up. Yeah, that's probably true. I don't like the sledge of stuff.
Starting point is 01:26:47 I do like the comic book movies. I'm a big fan. Yeah, well, I do like it, but I do like the Slash movie. What was the movie where we saw what's your name's Tits? The Vampire movie with the Samolano's Tits and the chick from Golden Child's Tits. Oh, I want the knife.
Starting point is 01:27:07 Yeah, remember the chicken that the Indian girl with the big. Oh, yes, there we go. Yeah, her. She's a vampire. Her Melissa Milano fucking make out and suck each other's tits. Put the camera on me. I'm gonna bust your ass. The vampire.
Starting point is 01:27:18 Oh my god. I jerked off my two of the five stars in my grandmother's basement. In Medford, Mass, I jerked off in the basement. I'm Peter McNally from Medford mass watch me Saturday kick Tyson's ass Well, who's the who's the gold and trial that? Rachel true is that a new girl the Janet no not Jennifer Tilly Which one is it scroll down which one let me see the cast? Where's the girl? Is it Louis is it that one? What see the cast. Where is the girl? Is it Louis? Is it that one? What is the Indian girl? Charlotte. Is it her? That's her. Now, it's grow all the left.
Starting point is 01:27:50 Oh, right. I'm sorry. Go, go, go. She's like Asian. Is that her? Maybe that's her. The Charlotte girl. Now, we're back. Where's the golden child? I go to golden child. What was in that? Are you typing both at the same time and brace of the vampire golden child? That's how you get it. Thank you Joe Cast now now go back up and type in embrace of the vampire if you type in both the star are people listening to this and you truck I know you're hearing some fucking asshole type and he's panicking right now. Yeah, that's her. That's her. Yeah, type in boobs. Charlotte Lewis boobs. Type that in. Let's look at it at the same time right and left. Yeah, go. Charlotte Lewis tips boobs. Brace of the vampire. Watch these. Let's pop up on go. Yeah, sure. Boobs. Bam.
Starting point is 01:28:43 Look at what you can show tits on Google can how great are those wow That's that's now watch that's gonna be that Look at that and then look we'll go watch Golden Child. There's the embrace of the vampire to God So sexy what's your favorite movie? I take that off so we don't get fucking it's not on the screen What's your favorite movie of the last year? Mmm, I don't remember what the hell I was. What did I see last year? I'm trying to remember what comes out what year. Yeah. And plus what everything's streaming. I just saw Dr. Strange.
Starting point is 01:29:12 I like the comic book movies. Did you like it? Yeah, I did. I did too. I liked it too. Okay, you ready? If society collapsed, what's that? We've always been handed a note. Is it for you? If, uh, if society collapsed in his just YouTube in the woods, right?
Starting point is 01:29:31 Who do you think becomes the leader? Well, I mean, guys, obviously, it's 100%. Yeah. We wait, we wait for Bobby to go to sleep and we kill him. You kill me. You don't eat. If we kill you, we eat. First of all, maybe a year ago, you ate good. Okay.
Starting point is 01:29:50 Now you ain't eating, it's fucking spoiled meat. Second of all, I'm the leader. How do you figure? You're the leader. All we got to do is movie quotes and you'll fucking hang yourself. That's not the fucking- You're like, guys, you fucking don't. I'll shoot you with arrows until you stop.
Starting point is 01:30:06 Now you got arrows. We're on an island. What do we got? I'm making arrows. I'm making weapons. We're hunting. I'm hunting. You guys are bury pickers.
Starting point is 01:30:14 Mm-hmm. Am I lying? We're not gonna wait for him to go to sleep. We're gonna kill him now. You're not gonna kill me because if you kill me, you're gonna die. How do you figure? You're a survivalist?
Starting point is 01:30:23 You're not the guy. You and your wife in a tiny house ain't- He's not dead, you're gonna die. How do you figure you're a survivalist? You're not the guy. You and your wife in a tiny house, ain't- He's not dead. They're not dead. Oh, but what makes you think you're gonna survive? Adam, 100% I am gonna fuck- Who's sitting the highest?
Starting point is 01:30:36 Me. Look at- What is that higher than you guys? Look at the chair. Leader. You're not the leader, Joe. I'm the leader. Dude, as soon as you hear something the night, you start shaking and running. That's what you're not the leader Joe I'm the leader you do as soon as you hear
Starting point is 01:30:45 something the night you start shaking and running that's what you gonna portray right but you you're the guy who's like this everyone fucking relax yeah yeah a leader a fucking leader leader qualities we're gonna be on a leader now that's what listen to this we're gonna do a movie quotes when we're gonna be- Listen to Joe, you're gonna be pushed up. You're not gonna run the island, you two fucking asshole's gross. Two assholes are gonna be doing movie quotes when we're fucking starving. Yeah, okay.
Starting point is 01:31:10 I'm gonna use my movie knowledge to get us off the island. Your movie knowledge does nothing, there's nothing left, there's no electricity. Island of Dr. Moro, I know it. There's nothing. I'm gonna walk around a white pancake, make up. How do you start a fire? How do you start a fire?
Starting point is 01:31:24 Yeah. You fucking, yeah. What's that? This make up. How do you start a fire? How do you start a fire? Yeah. You're fucking, yeah. What's that? This, this is it. What's it called? It's called leaves. You make, you make the bow. Yeah, cast a one.
Starting point is 01:31:31 What bow? You make a bow. How do you make the bow? You, you bend the stick. What stick? This awards, we don't have an island. Well, okay, you bend the stick and then do what? Okay, and then we're gonna get a little piece of string
Starting point is 01:31:42 or a vine. Oh, you got string. What do I got to wear on this island? What island we strangle? Stacking. What fucking island are we stranded on that happen? We're on stat island. You think you're gonna fucking survive I'll call my cousin. You'll be dead in 20 minutes. You think I was dead. It's just that's three I'm the leader. All right. We're good. Let me then you and you're the woman. We fuck you. That doesn't. I don't want to ask questions. We fuck you.
Starting point is 01:32:07 What's the next question? You have a juicy bum when I've seen it. It's dirty. It looks like an armpit on the subway. It's not good. Do you think you're the leader really? I'd rather not talk about it. Do you think out of us three?
Starting point is 01:32:17 Yeah, because you think the knowledge makes you the leader. But what the leader does is goes, okay, Bobby, you know how to make a fire? That's great. You make the leader. But what the leader does is goes, okay, Bobby, you know how to make a fire? That's great. You make the fire, Adam, you make funny voices, and I'll sit here and make a food for you. High share. High share.
Starting point is 01:32:34 Yeah. Yeah, I'll be like, you make the fire, that's perfect. Great. And then you and I will go hunt, and then why you have to... What? Well hunt fucking animals. What animal are you gonna kill?
Starting point is 01:32:44 I can't see. I can't see. you'd hit it with a stick in the wheel. I feel bad. Like, oh, leave it let it go. Leave flowers. No, that's not who I am. What are you crazy? You wouldn't kill an animal. I love killing animals.
Starting point is 01:32:54 What? I do it for fun. What? Yeah, fuck them. What? I listen to X-Question. No, it is. Big Bird 79.
Starting point is 01:33:02 How much new material does Joe have now that his specials drop? Oh, I got a bunch. I'm doing a whole new thing. It's not great. Really? What are you? How do you come up with so much shit? It's not. You came out with a special a year ago. You got another special. You've done three specials in two years. In three and a half years. Okay. And yeah, I'm touring with different stuff, but it's a it's a mess, but It was supposed to be a mess. Yeah but it's a mess, but... It was supposed to be a mess. Yeah, it's a bit messy. You just go out on a tour and bomb?
Starting point is 01:33:30 No, what's not a tour? It's like, that's the new thing. We've talked about this before, everyone's like, I'm going on tour, it's the fucking milk a cow tour. But we always just called working. I'm just gonna work. But now it's the way you market it, and that's smart, it makes sense, and you have your posters, whatever. But I just called working. I'm just kidding. But now it's the way you market it, and that's smart, it makes sense,
Starting point is 01:33:45 and you have your posters or whatever. But I'm always working. And also, I'm in clubs, so it's not like, and I'm not like a doing a stadium and being like, is this funny? When you go on the road this weekend, you go to a club or you go into a theater. Are you gonna do all the new stuff
Starting point is 01:34:02 or are you gonna do some of the old stuff? I do and all I'll know. All know. Yeah, but it's annoying. But it's, I'll mix it up. That's annoying, I mean, that's crazy. It's, it all works that good that you get paid that much money and the crowd's not gonna walk away and go,
Starting point is 01:34:19 well, that was all right, look the fuck. No, the crowd leaves very happy. I just did come, everyone was very happy. Really? Yeah, and I say, you know, I got a lot of new. I mean, some of it, I'm gonna, some of this is, is this funny? And then you make it fun.
Starting point is 01:34:32 And then you have some save lines, of course, that get laughed. And you go, well, that was crazy. I don't know why I thought that was that, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you get some laughs that way. But some of it's good. You get your jokes from your podcast?
Starting point is 01:34:42 No, but this is funny. I was just telling this story. So on the podcast one time, I was like, Hey, if you hear something that could be a bit, email us and say, hey, this could be a bit, because sometimes you know, you don't know. You tell a story and then people are like, you should do those a bit and you're like,
Starting point is 01:34:54 I never even thought of that. And then a bunch of people have misinterpreted it as, hey, here's an idea for a bit and then they just send me their ideas for that. And I have to write, don't send me bits. Because if I ever have something even similar, I'm gonna have a guy going, I wrote that. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:35:09 Here's the email. I'm like, I don't want your bits. One of the, we fun if you got taken out as a hack from fans. Yeah, they're just like, we've been sending these to him. But these are all our bits. You gotta make them sign a release before they email you. But you always have premises and stuff and then you just fuck around with them.
Starting point is 01:35:29 Yeah dude, I can't, I don't know, I gotta go out. I gotta have stuff in there. What, from before, you know, I got maybe 30 minutes of new stuff. And then the rest, I gotta fill it. Sometimes I just try to fuck around and do some stuff, but you go out with an idea or do you go out with it written out? Yes, sometimes.
Starting point is 01:35:50 But I usually stuff happens to me and I go out. I write on stage. Yeah, I write on stage. Take the stuff I write on stage, listen to the tape, and you keep working it over and over again. Yeah, the three, I mean, Jesus, three specials in three years is pretty epic. Pretty good.
Starting point is 01:36:03 Pretty epic, dude. Thanks for the pandemic. and it's not like shitty specials not like they're all fucking right no I think they're good I did say count that's bad of course you was amazing I've always loved you I've always loved you you're a style of comedy you're not even what I like what you do you're not you're not like dirty you could easily go down that path with, because me and you do the same type of thing. We act out the stuff and you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:36:30 Yeah, so I was thinking maybe I cleaned my stuff up a little bit. I said that last time. I said that last time. I said I gotta do some corporate. I wanna make money. I'm gonna go clean. The court, and then you just go natural. And then the first joke I came up with
Starting point is 01:36:41 was about shitting on my mother. You shitting your mother? No, but you know what I mean? You just like, what do I do, I'm gonna try clean and then you're like, yeah, having sex, you're like, is there an occasion? Like just a birthday or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, but you gotta write who you are. You gotta write what you want. Yeah, I will tell you, when I go back and look at it, I say fuck way too much when a bit's new because I don't know what it is. Yeah, yeah. It's more cursing when it's new. And now I'm trying to not do that
Starting point is 01:37:08 because I don't wanna get that, once that welds in, you're like, I need that word. I say fuck, I know, I know. Yeah, me too. I was looking at a new bit, I'm like, why am I? I was at the underground. There's a couple of jokes that I do up front now that I don't swear.
Starting point is 01:37:21 Yeah. And they're not really dirty. And you get laughs and it makes me happy because I'm like, ooh, yeah. They're laughing at stuff. I didn't think they would laugh at, you know what I mean? It's, and then I slowly slip and I drip into fucking disgusting shit.
Starting point is 01:37:35 Yeah. But if you don't put it in in the beginning when it's still forming, it doesn't get welded in. So, well, I gotta, I have a non-commony and, I don't know, a month or so. I didn't do that much comedy. I just sort of did the, when, the stuff right bit that I love.
Starting point is 01:37:52 When, the coconut, well, right down when you were down at the, in a lot of times. I just did it. I haven't been on stage in weeks. Oh, that was the first time. What? Well, you were up at the house, being the leader.
Starting point is 01:38:01 Yeah. Yeah, I, I lied away. I lied away. I love it. On an island, Dawn's gonna run everything. Dawn's not there. You're not hearing the question. It's you, me, and him. Yeah, you're gonna be lost without Dawn.
Starting point is 01:38:14 I'm not gonna be lost. You're gonna be all sad. You're like, dude, they fucking tried texting me. I might get some sleep without that snoring, girl. Whoa. Oh, does she snore your wife? No, she's snoring, derelutics. Whoa! Oh! Does she snore your wife? No, she's snoring now because she's pregnant, but not-
Starting point is 01:38:30 She's chubbier. Yeah, I guess so. Could be the baby. It's all baby, by the way. She looks thin, she's like fit, and just has a big, like an aborigin. We'll get big yet.
Starting point is 01:38:41 Bigger, they're not like crazy. Yeah, she got a breastfeed. I think so. Try the milk. I've tried we had it on this Puck. I know. I had a bees milk. Well, this is man. We're gonna wrap this up, but Joe, I love you buddy. Congratulations. I hope next time you're on the podcast It's after your kid. Yeah, next you know what do I'll have a son. Will you come will you come on and talk about Kid yeah next you know what do I'll have a son will you come will you come on and talk about Being a dad. I want to I want to fucking hear about that. I'll be like yeah, dude. It's fucking good I can't wait to call me I can't wait to call me up
Starting point is 01:39:16 Dude you gotta swaddle him dude the dola called me a pussy No, it's gonna be fun. I can't wait my My dola has stuttered. It was the worst. You got a stutter. You guys got to, I was like, what the fuck? Don went, oh my gosh. Don went, ha. Like that.
Starting point is 01:39:34 Just came out. She went, ha. Do you love me? Adam, I love you buddy. What do you get to plug, buddy? Oh, I want to plug the dates. I got Uncle Vinnie's. I got, like I said, levity.
Starting point is 01:39:44 I got the Mohican son. Chicago wind pro. I got a to plug the dates. I got Uncle Vinnie's. I got like I said levity. I got the Mohican son Chicago win-prove. I got a bunch of tour dates. So go to Adam for a comment come see me on the road my Podcast the Adam for our podcast 30 minutes you never get back. I want your list to come back as well as you Yeah, what is it? Do I got to go out to California to do it? No, I'll zoom you in. I'll do California come to California I got the studios nice. All right, great. I'll do that. Come to California, I get the studio's nice. All right, great. I'll do that. And Joe, what do you got besides the new special? Mind for mental jacket, podcast is back.
Starting point is 01:40:09 It's back. You guys have both been on it. Did you do it? Never been asked. No, you've been asked. Never been asked. I've never been asked. Really?
Starting point is 01:40:18 You've never asked me. Are you sure you didn't do it during pandemic? You've never asked me. You might have done it during pandemic. You've never asked me. Are you sure you didn't do it during pandemic? You've never asked me. You might have done it during pandemic. You've never asked me. That might be so. I don't want to bother you, I guess. No, that's not it.
Starting point is 01:40:31 You're intimidating. Why am I, is that money your best friends? Yeah, but you're intimidating. You're scary. How? You're the leader, okay? Okay, I'm in. I'll take that.
Starting point is 01:40:40 I'm the leader. But yeah, anyways, it's back. It's great. It's a fun show and listen to that, enough for everybody. October 5th through the 7th, I'm at helium. But yeah, anyways, it's back. It's great. It's a fun show. And listen to that enough for everybody. October 5th through the 7th, I'm at Helium in Philly. That's a big week in the last week in Philly baby. And it's a big fun market. So I want to go clean down there.
Starting point is 01:40:55 I want to sell it all. Good for you. Oh, yeah. I'm at the National Auto Museum in Reno, October 2015-26. OK. So I'm playing new on this. Stand up. They got a venue and they put up a stage and Car guys are coming out nice. You heard it here first. I'm doing comics come home. Thanks to these two guys
Starting point is 01:41:12 It's really nice. You gotta be always you get on this year. Yeah, just slid as on November called Dennis Tom. I'll tell him tell him get up I'm what's called Jack you called Dennis. All right. I'm gonna see Jack this week. I'm coming home Go to Robert Kelly live.com for all my dates. I'm everywhere. I'm ruffin for New Jersey. I lost Vegas at Skankfest, Rochester, New York. I'm in Madison, Wisconsin. Kansas City, Boston, Mass, Asbury Park, Portsmouth.
Starting point is 01:41:39 I'm everywhere, Baltimore. But make sure you go robbercalealive.com. Go to punchup.live and get my special desk over there and watch it. And you can get my dates, everything's over there. Punchup.live, punchup.live. His specials there, my specials there. I'm going to put mine there. Adam's is going to be there. It's a brand new platform that's rocking the comedy world. Go to comicrobots.com and get all the YKWD shirts, the reg shirts up there. You got YKWD, YKWD Skankfest, we got hoodies,
Starting point is 01:42:15 all kinds of stuff up there. Go there, get your hat, you get fat bobby shirt. Guys, what do you got? You can follow me Max Marcus comedy on all social media. You can check out the cheese show on YouTube by just searching the cheese show. And you can follow me on Instagram at DannyBraph. All right, man, we'll see you guys next week
Starting point is 01:42:34 on the podcast. You know what the... Go! Bye. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, rincones de película y un sinfín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Friparás!
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