Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Add Another Oink

Episode Date: June 4, 2018

J Train Jared Freid makes a stop along with H Foley and Comedy Cellar manager Liz Furiati come so we can get some answers on yelping, forgiving celebrities, and if subs should come in suitcases! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network. Riotcast.com. It's Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude, my guest on Riotcast.com. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. There's been more like WWE fans than my shows and all over the fucking world. Everywhere I go, there's a hey dude, I'm a big fan of the podcast. God bless you all for listening every goddamn week. It's free on Sundays, this podcast for the last 19 years. That's right, I've been doing podcasting before the technology was invented. Before it was possible to podcast, I was podcasting. And I just want to thank

you, son of bitches, for listening. I want to thank all the Patreon members too. We have a brand new live from the shed with Ronnie B, the funniest guy. I mean, walking. He is up there. Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. We are getting close to 300 Patreon members. Become a member now. Many different levels from many different people. If you are, if you're a premier member on this on Lipson cancel, goodbye, hang it up, log out, check it done, and go over to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly, become a member over there.

You get the YKWD before everybody else. This week, special episodes going up, just for Patreon members. It's just for them, for you guys. I love you guys, you're the best. Do we have any new shout outs on there? No, shout out to you. Are you sure? Yes. Did you check? Yes. Are you sure? Yes. Well, God bless all you people on Patreon.

Really quick. We have a great show tonight. We're doing this Thursday night, late night. It's a late night. It's a late night Laffable.com is the app you need to get if you love podcasting if you've done laughs well age fully Age fully is in the house by the way. I didn't know I could talk now. Oh, buddy. You can do you know you can talk I do an ad in a couple minutes. We're gonna do an ad, but I kind of weave in and out of it very nice Because I don't like these people don't like they like they have an attention span I don't want 15 say another 15 second button people hit on the podcast. Yeah, you're losing me Yeah, I would lose a me that's why I know that I'm being filmed that whole time sitting there with a stupid look on my face Why you're doing that? I did a podcast very early, uh-huh right when podcasting was kind like real no and I did a show on some

comics two comics have me on their show. Okay. And they had me in the room and I couldn't talk for a half hour. Yeah, what the fuck? They were like, we're gonna introduce you. I'm sitting there waiting, five minutes, 10 minutes. At 50 minutes, they go listen, cock suckers.

You're bringing up topics I wanna talk about. I'm just supposed to sit here and take it. I wanna know what your beef, what's your beef with Lipson? What's that all about? None of your business. That's the thing, there you go. No, I just, I look at Lipson is fine. Okay.

And people are still a member of Lipson, but you know, I wanted this premium Patreon, because I wanted to do more shit, Lipson has a limit. Okay. On how much data I can put up there. Hmm. You know, and Patreon doesn't. The way I do it, I can, I should have my show live from the shed up there. All the episodes of this, I put one on one. Anything I want to do, I can put up on my Patreon and give it away. I'm going to be filming,

I'm writing these scenes, we're going to film, and we're going to put them up on Patreon. I don't want to just give it out to people that don't give a fuck about it make him pay baby Make him pay but I think that there's fans of mine who want to help me do all this shit Of course and for a cup of coffee a month they can they can help produce somebody shit Can feed Bobby Kelly they can not know taking more than that. Yeah, fucking primavera Maybe a maybe a fucking canola and a fucking cappuccine Yeah, fucking primavera. Maybe a maybe a fucking canole in a fucking cappuccine Couple slices Yeah, canole is a good one the last semi-addi canole be honest. Why would I lie? I don't know

I would if he asked me what was that time you said the dick be honest. Then you say that What was last time you ate be honest no shit what's that made it canoli last time I had a canoli a good canoli sure a canoli A canoli a canoli around three months ago a Italian restaurant up in near where I live and it was garbage Really fucking I went this how fucked up it was I went to two Italian restaurants one we went Me and my wife at date night we ordered a cappuccino at the end. It was fucking it was. I went to two Italian restaurants. One we went, me and my wife, for date night. We ordered a cappuccino at the end. It was fucking, it was garbage. So, and we ordered a canole.

It's stuck. We left, didn't even drink or eat the rest of it. Went down the street and go, there's another Italian restaurant. I feel like, let's go here. We'll have coffee and dessert. Here, there can't be, there's no way. Wait, so you had coffee and dessert at the one place

and then didn't like it and went to another place? We have more coffee and dessert. We wanted a coffee and dessert here. There can't be, there's no way. Wait, so you had coffee and dessert at the one place and then didn't like it and went to another place? You could have more coffee and dessert. We wanted a coffee and dessert. It was date night, motherfucker. But you got it. But date now, listen, date night, you don't get this. I know date night. You don't have date night.

I say do. You have a wife. I have a living girlfriend. We live together three years. I gotta do date night. I got my balls broke every fucking week. It's not fucking date night How was that not date night? I'm gonna explain it to you. Go ahead

When you have a child all right, okay, you done. I got a kitty cat. Are we done? Can I move on do I have to further this explanation or we done? It's important Are we done? Yes? Okay, she has stories. Yeah, the kitty cat is not a fucking four-year-old by the way She actually is for no because you kitty cat can shit in a bucket And you scoop it out in two days later if I'm lucky Usually on the bed I would say the time up we got a first but second can only story. Yeah second can only story Let me just swip into this story real quick. I first dog. I got Calbee

I never had a dog I'm lying in bed and I forgot that he was there I woke my wife my girlfriend up at the time and go, would you roll over on it? Well, I was very inshaped at that time. Okay. Yeah, you gotta wait, you can't, you gotta do fat jokes, just out of it, because you know what I mean? Any, any, any weight you'd roll over on you, kill it. No, that's not true, now you're backing out of it, fatty.

Okay. I, I, I, I, I, I may have made a man I killed a dog once. That's where we get that. that what they call us dog killers? We go we go to the pet store that like the dog killers are here I think about that though walking down the street though people that have like those little foofy dogs Yeah, like if I stepped on that you mean queers Ladies walking around the village you mean old queers If I stepped on it, I would kill it. Yeah kill it you know shit yeah it's fine but

anybody would step on a little tidy dog kill it and you just proved my point about the weight roll over on the dog you see that did you kill the dog or not I didn't kill the dog I'm sitting there and I woke up and I was like oh my god and I woke my my check up I go honey she's like what I go this ghost in the bed She's like what I go my leg is hot. I'm being I'm being touched by a ghost She flicked the light on the dog was just pissing on my leg I think my cat up one time and then shit all over and I got a big streak down my chest Yeah, why I'm shit all over it because she shit so ourselves sometimes He's got a long hair.

Aw. What the f- You can't fucking dumb me. She needs a lot of maintenance. Please. She's like a baby. Anyway. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, bad news. Anyways. I bag it all, we, uh... And what are you doing going on a tie-in, please? I'm there. Are there any decent restaurants up there? Be honest. Yeah.

Like what? What kind of cuisine? Oh my god, dude. There's an Italian restaurant down the street from my house? Why don't you go there hang on all right? First of all, we didn't that's why okay, because we went there. We were trying a new place. I don't fucking around with that shit. Okay, I understand what you're saying. You know, I you're right.

If it don't if it don't if it works, don't break don't fix it. If it ain't broken, don't fix it. Is that actually with Italian? You're right. It's hard't broken, don't fix it. Especially with Italian. You're right, it's hard to get Italian food, but here's a deal. We went to this place before and it was great. Do you have a go-to restaurant that was the shit? And you go back a year and a half later,

and you're like, what happened? Like something happened? It happened to me at Christmas if I can broke my heart, Italian Placement Filly that we'd gone for 15 years, every big event. We went back this year for Christmas I that was all excited wanted the whole family there fucking sucked ready to fucking stab the waiter What is everybody steaks right yeah sucks like the wait saps suck like what if who's running this

No pep talks. No waitress. Hey listen you twat get off your phone. It was brutal This guy was treating us like we were fucking German tourists. Really? Yeah, because we go up to the bar, we order around the drinks. I dropped 50 bucks on drinks before you hit the date. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Fucking waters for everybody two weeks paid out in Philly. You get me. I got a fucking engagement ring for that How many people in there too? That was four of us. It was me my mom my dad and my girlfriend. Okay. All right, so I get around to drinks where's the cat? Can't sit at the table waiting for us. Um, I got one am I gonna finish my fucking Chloe story? Go ahead So I was... Go ahead, I'm kidding. You were saying.

I want you, I want your story. So anyway, so they fucking, this guy, I get a club soda because I was driving. Charges me for the refill. I'd grease them fucking tan on the dip. So I'm like, something's up with this place, because it's usually fucking they treat you like family. They, he fucking charge you for tonic water?

So do water? Some douchebag with a fucking pony tail on. Act them like a fucking asshole. And you game a 10 spot? Before that, I didn't know it was gonna charge me for the refill in the club Yeah, but that's my point is you game a ten spot not even an extra lime or nothing I hate that when you get the refill and I don't hook the fruit up come on. They give you the old fruit Just leave what's in there. No, I don't freshen up. They gave it no freshen up What the fuck happened to this?

I'm telling you then we sit down, we try to order appetizers. All right, we wanna order the apps, relax for a little bit, and then fucking order the other way. You wanna see it with a fucking appetite, how fucking gluttonous an appetite. An appetizer is a small meal before a meal. I'm aware of that. There's people starving.

There's people that walk eight miles to get water to boil rice again. And we, well, like,, I want to get a baby meal in front of my big meal. And then at the end, I want dessert. I feel bad for those people, but I'm not going to fucking turn down grown octopus. All right, unfortunately, when it's fucking on the menu. All right. I donate to my charities. Let's not get fucking crazy. What are we doing here? Bring that bread over. Oh, baby. give me a loaf octopus and then a fucking Veal pommajano

So go ahead anyway, so fucking we order the abs and in and in the Lucho language, sorry and I'm kidding and the server trying to be a dick What do you say he's like well? You guys want to order the entrees too? I prefer if you order the entrees. He said that it It's fucking five o'clock on a Saturday to place his empty. It's empty. What's empty? Is that a place his empty? What's empty?

I'm getting hot, man, thinking about it. Listen, you're getting hot because it's fucking your big. All right, we're gonna fucking attic. I'm sweating. I'm attic. I'm talking like you now. See, there you go. Empty.

A couple of mini strokes. So, yeah. So, did you say anything? Did you say say hey? No, why is it so difficult? Why are we so So conform to be cattle when we go out to eat where we'll let like a waiter or some shit person at a restaurant Kind of bully us around or treat us like and instead of going hey Get me another waiter because I don't want to fucking deal with you Or get me the manager because you're being rude. Why is that such a problem to go? Hey buddy listen, well don't I don't care what you prefer

We prefer to relax right we don't go why is it why can't we say that? Well, here's the thing with that and it's such a psychological thing because after the fact you're like cursing a guy out You're having the argument in your head and shit like that. Yes, a week's later. Yeah, dude, I'm talking about it now. This was a Christmas. And the next poor guy that's gonna come up going, he's gonna go, hey, do you guys want to order now? And you're gonna go, no, we fucking order when we want.

You fucking bald cock suckers. So I'm the host, please relax. Yeah, that's why I, you know, if it would have got to a point, I would have said something. But it's just like, you know, in the moment, you're like, yeah, what the fuck? You want to just have a good time, you want to deal with it.

Yeah, right. Anyway, the fucking place sucked and I hate that. Right, it sucked. I went to this place, it sucked. The food was, I don't know how to describe my wife's meal. My wife's meal. And you guys share when you go out to eat,

because that's my favorite part about the relationship. Do I share? at me do you get some of hers? Look at me. Do you order together? No, you don't have her get a pasta and you get an on track. No, I don't I just I don't touch her food at all right? I like this big just on my own. Fuck it, asshole. Yes, of course I make her get what I want. Okay, good. That's the best. I, it's the worst thing I could possibly do. I should get a salad and call it cuputs. You get the salad too. That's the appetizer. What the fuck?

Her chicken. Tasted. Her chicken tasted like something else. Pocata, my salad. I think it tasted, I forget what you get. From the taste, what you get. Let me think what it tasted like. I think it tasted like like fish or something.

I'm just gonna slide it back. But it didn't taste bad, like it tasted good. Like it didn't taste bad. There's a thing, it didn't taste like the meal that you got, but it tasted like another meal and another animal, but really good. Like it was just sitting next to the shrimp. Yeah, like it tastes.

It keeps us in the same fridge. Like we can't eat it, like it's not chicken. Oh, that's how you get sick, man. But it tastes really good. So we ordered that. We ate that shit for a minute. Then we're like, you know, let's just get dessert. I ate a little bit of mine.

And then, and then we were like, this sucks, we're out. And we're going back to the car and we parked in front of this other Italian restaurant. I was like, baby, this is the place you know. No, this is the new place. That was the place we knew that thought we used to be good. Oh, really? And it wasn't.

The bread sucked, the way the staff sucked, the table was wobbly. Look, if you're a wobbly table. I work as a server too. And I've worked as a server for years. So I'm on the other side of that shit. And most people are fucking dicks to me. And I feel like when I go out, like what you said, like I'm, we're, I'm too nice. You know, I mean, you just sit there and take it like a fuck. Is it really,

is it really a fucking, is it really a need for wobbly table in 2018? No. Got wobble wedges, get up at home depot 12 bucks. There she is Right over here right over here come over here. You want your treat take it, but I don't want you to have to get up I want you to hang at 45 minutes. Okay good listen Hello is Liz you know H. Folly oh Shit I Maybe oh shit that means no Finish the laughable laughable.com if you love podcasting you'll love laughable. It is the best app

On the market for it's the only one out there They're doing a show in the lounge. They're doing a show right now in the lounge. Not right now Come on. When when when I'll tell you go to comedy sell a dot com right now No, you have to go to laugh a bowl to get the fucking murder you I know but I will get the info before you bring it up And this whole hat shadow shit you got going on. It was raining. Yeah, it's not raining now Okay, so nasty. Oh my god. You're trying to fuck look at you. Your whole fucking thing changed Right you're red you're fucking slutting it up around the bush. Yeah, you know what are you gonna do? Oh, you teeth are all fucking white.

What are you doing? Wow, I brushed my teeth, I used a sauna care. It's about the same. Lizzy! So anyways, go to what it is at laughable.com. Yeah. What was that? Laffable.

It might have a stroke. It's Nome's Noma added a chat on the, want a chat with no you know, I don't want a chat On the website. Yeah, I'm the Rio ask us anything Why would he put that and it goes right to his phone? It's just even go to my phone. Can you just put at how big your cock? Please Please do I was never here. Just right how big you cock click to connect There you go. I was never here. How big you cock. Oh my god God there you go. I just keep it up

Anyways laughable dot com go download the app right now if you love podcast and you have to have laughable.com And what else do we got? Well the company sell a Vegas. Oh my god. He's typing. Oh shit Comedy sell a Vegas Great, but just the pick agents are typing We really like to help if there's anything at all you need he said lol Roseanne no lol I want to know how big that pecker, LOL. I want to know how big that pecker is. Right that. I want to know how big that pecker is. What are we? We

talk. Is it sick four or six inches? What are we talking? Oh my God. What are we talking? Oh my God. What we started inches. There we go Anyways comedy seller Vegas is open right now this week. We have Kathleen Dunbar Brian Moses. No This comes up Sunday. Oh, yeah. No. This comes out Sunday. Yes Just go to comedy sell you guys are fucking ruined in my flow. All right. You're ruined fucking H. Foley's flow. Hey great We Anyways, a common Lynch and Greer Barnes what they did Liz is that every week look we went out there We went to all the shows. Yeah, and what they have is they have some guy you don't know hosting whatever. Okay, you know You know, and then the middle guy and they're all selling shit. They're all selling slop from stage Here's a hat a necklace. You're like the shirt. I'm wearing how about these underwear? I have a new sneak align. It's called ha ha ha

From stage And then and then and, you know, look, man, I don't even think we made it to the headline. To the most, we didn't make it. We didn't make it. We didn't make it to the headline. I mean, we might have made it to the end. And I'm not shitting on comics. Look, I'm, it's not their fault, too.

It's like the room, they took a ballroom and put some shit up and made a comedy room. And one of the places you can't even get away. You have to go get your own drink. You're gonna get it up and get a drink. Oh my god Comedy seller went at the Rio Got it the room that was there Started from scratch made the comedy seller a replica of it. What's talking sound ceilings stage and

Not only that they they're taking the lineups They're doing a showcase format at 20 minutes a pop everybody does 20 minutes and it's from the comedy seller. People are popping in. People are popping in. People are, comics from LA are there. People that are inside LA doing their big shows are stopping by just like the seller here. You never know who you're going to see over there. Ray Romano's been there.

Ray Romano popped in. This weekend, everyone that's out there doing the Netflix degenerate half hour. PJ Yoms. Yum. Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz, everybody's popping by. Visa.

You gotta go to the comedy cell. This weekend is fucking nuts if you're there. This is live. And just stop in. If you're going to vague, as you have to go see Wayne Newton, you gotta bang a hooker, and you gotta go to the comedy cell. At the Rio. Those are three things you must do. Wayne Newton, you got to bang a hooker and you got to go to the comedy seller at the Rio

Those are three things you must do and then you know and give you a promo code for $25 tickets. What? promo code. How come I haven't got what's the promo code? CC social CC social. Yes, and you use it at ticket master and you use it at the real box office and right you can get $25 tickets at every seat in the room. So even like the $55 tickets, the VIP up in front, you get those for $25. If you're a fan of the comedy cell, you need to do that. Give that code one more time. C, C, social.

Go get it. Make it happen. So we're talking about restaurants. Please type in, do you want a picture of Mike penis? I'll send it to you. Thank you. Oh my God. My penis. This is so bad. It's so bad. Question mark. Great. And then put no. Go ahead right now. Right now. How do do you suppose? And oh am and oh am

Anyways, so we Anyways, we oh shit, what'd you do? We went to this restaurant. I was talking about I went to this fucking restaurant that was awesome like you had to have to go up where I live It was so great. We We found it by accident one night. And we didn't even know what the town was. It was so crazy. We couldn't find it. We thought we imagined it.

Because it was such a magical night the first time we went. We found this restaurant, this little village. And it was so good. We were like, oh my God. And we found it again a year and a half later. We were like, we found it. I was so excited.

It was date night. I was like, don't't you know we're going. I found the rest she gets so we get there shit wait staff Shit, oh that's I told them we shoulder the chicken dish it tasted like salmon But it was good still like but it was chicken you know might have been salmon Well, it's a lot of time. You had a piece of salmon. I don't it was weird. It was like really good It was like it was like it wasn salmon. Well, it was the last time you had a piece of salmon. I don't know, it was weird. It was like really good. It was like, it wasn't chicken, but it was salmon. It tasted like something else, but it was like,

it's good, like it's really good as salmon, but not as chicken, right? So we had a cappuccino at the end, and it sucked, and the canoli sucked. So we left, didn't even eat it. Paid the bill, we're never going back, walking by, we see it, a time restaurant, or we parked it. I'm like, what are the odds?

Let's just go get the coffee and can only hear. There's a lot of people in here. We walk in, can we just get this here? Sure, take us, sit down, date night, or a coffee can only, right? They come back, shit. The exact opposite. One was too bitter, the other one was too light light How do you fuck up a cappuccino?

Are you a yelp or would you ever ready? Yelp review buddy? You want to hear some of my help for your reviews do? No, I'm a mask. I'm a fucking master Oh, that breaks my heart. Are you one of like the Yelp elite? Look at people know me is my look Let me tell you something. I can be if I want to go back. That's it hang on you're one of those people. I'm yeah, I'm proud of it I'm fucking proud of it. I went there with my wife on date night. We had high expectations. It's you no, that's I have first of all my Yelp reviews city bar and grill now. I have good ones too Just a fact of Yelp and come on. What are you talking about?

Yeah, Yelp. I fucking Yelp. You Yelp, Liz? No. My review. Exactly. My new Yelp. I answer, like I answer way too many Yelp reviews

to Yelp myself. Where are my fucking reviews? And you take those seriously as somebody that works. Like if you got bad Yelp reviews downstairs, you would take it seriously. Yeah, I answer every single email that comes to the seller I read an answer So I feel like anybody that would go that far is an asshole that would I mean sometimes they're good and sometimes they're shit And sometimes it's true and sometimes it's not and you just have to sort of find the reality There's two sides to every story so I think they have to have an answer that thing

No, just said Jesus Find the reality there's two sides to every story so things I have to answer that thing Type that is that is Is that a good Jesus or a bad Jesus? This is really what you're gonna do from now on, Bobby, whenever you wanna talk to now, just go to the Comedy Cellar website. Where am I talking reviews? Where am I reviews? Mush, help me out. How do I get my reviews?

I don't use the helps, I don't know. Oh God, he's the worst. He just gives up. He could've just tried. All right, Mush, it's all right, don't worry. I expect a little from you, all right? You have to sign in to the help in to help. I want to ask you a question too. I want to get into this Anyways, God I fucking love that so fucking Philly God I'm waiting for this big Yelp review. Oh, can you find it? Yeah, hold on and that's indicative of somebody who does

Yelps I've said fine. Let me show me the reviews where Where are the field cigars? Bob a blue cigar company? Oh dad cigar warehouse. Yeah, keep going. A banner premium cigar shop central cigars. Yeah, Martin Fieto tornado steakhouse Let me let me read one of my reviews. Wanna hear a review? Give me that. Yeah, let me read it. Yeah, go ahead Which one? Do the tornado steakhouse. Okay. That's the only restaurant. Do you go what's your yelp name? Oh, pictures too. Bobby, you're good. What's my name?

My name. You just use your name? That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all.

That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all. That's all.

That's all. That's all. That's all. That'sino. This is all too expensive. I don't like how fucking yellow print. One was too bitter, one was too sweet. His review was all good. And making real high-voltage cappuccino is making a good cappuccino from a machine is insanely difficult. Are you crazy? It is. No, it's not.

You know, espresso easy. Listen, first of all, making a cappuccino, there's a couple things you have to know. Clean the fucking machine. Yeah. Because if you cappuccino, there's a couple things you have to know, clean the fucking machine. Because if you don't clean it, it's garbage. It comes up in. And if you use old coffee or use too much coffee, or if the water's too hot, you're supposed to grind it every time that you,

I mean, there's like, and then the milk, it's like, oh, I should make it. Making a cappuccino's five moves, five fucking moves. We sound real white right now. Just, you know, real fucking white. I got you ready? Oh, you're gonna love my review.

I'm a beautiful fucking reviewer. My review is a fucking well known. You tip to time to do this. Be quiet. The police is insane. The atmosphere, the food, the service. All are off the charts great. I went there for the ribeye, but got there after they shut the dinner menu down.

I had a settle for the New York strip, but lo and behold, when all the food came out, there was my ribeye steak cooked to perfection. I'm blowing the hole! I guess my begging the waitress paid off. I also got a shrimp cocktail, holy hell huge good and only 12 bucks I can't forget the lettuce wedge. That was the best I've ever had I would come back to Wisconsin just to go to this place I don't need the prize or the giant onion ring good for you

But I gave it to the people that were with me and they said they were amazing. One of my new favorite places on the planet. By the way, this all took place after 12am on a Friday night. Incredible. Thank you. Thank you Melanie from the Upper East Side. What the fuck? That was nice of them. With cons of them.

I didn't eat all my onion rings. I gave them the people at the table. Well here, making yourself look good. Come on. We eat all my onion rings. I gave them the people at the table. Well here I myself look good. Come on We know you ate onion rings. I didn't know I Who doesn't eat the onion ring? I don't I'm not an onion fan. What? I just had a resurgence with them. I did just fell back in love with them. Well, you know I got a fucking dad. I gotta take that back. I actually I found out that this to the village on the ground has onion rings And they are pretty good. I'm gonna fear batter out that the, the, the, the, the Villagena Grunas on your rings. And I'm, they are pretty good.

I'm gonna fear battered. Yeah, beer battered. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a night. But I don't like the big, big onion ring. They give you on stakes. No, that's, yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a two inch onion ring. I can wear it as a wonder woman bracelet. Is that for a next year? A review. Hey, the last of truth is I called it. Get the I can't believe somebody I admire is a fucking is teaming up with the best selling cookbook author, Chrissy Teigen.

Teigen? Teigen. Teigen. I know her. Oh, there she is. She's married to John Legend, right? Yeah, yeah, really. She comes here all the time to call herself.

Yeah, they love comedy. Yeah, I love it. People who, famous people who love comedy as fans, I can tell they're cool people. They're normal down there. Yeah, they're cool people. And did they always call and, hey, can we get in? Or they just cool people. They're normal. Yeah, they're cool people. And did they they always call it? Hey, can we get in or they just show up?

They make reservations. This will call. Yeah, they're normal. Normal fucking people love that. Teegee, uh, Teegee, Teegee, uh, bring you some of her favorite recipes to make at home. Get ready for six weeks of wild fun. Doesn't want to be a little bit of a of Wild Fun. That's one of my yummy, beautiful,

flavorful cooking feature recipes like garlic and soy glaze shrimp, uboa and charred broccoli and hot green pepper sauce and a sesame chicken noodle with bok choy. Bok choy is so underrated. Love a bok choy. The people even know what bok choy is. That's great.

You really hear about it a lot anymore. I go to a Chinese restaurant I get buck joy as a meal. I could see that. That's just buck joy. Listen, come on. Other things. I'm not saying just buck joy I never said I just had the buck joy This is this is fat on fat crack I don't like it. I right. What do you mean? I'm calling you out. I know the deal. I was there.

He got he made them make a healthy dish that didn't have in the menu with the box toy and like grilled chicken and mushrooms. Yeah. Wait a minute. Now you're ordering off the menu. You know, reviewing and breaking some fucking Chinese waiters balls. Well, they were happy to talk about. But we got to do that.

Listen, did I want Listen, did I mention? No, you don't have to step foot in a grocery store to get all that stuff. All right. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. It's convenient. Blue Aperd delivers fresh produce right to your door. The ingredients step by step recipe instructions to the door

and it cooks all on under 45 minutes. I have a come to my house once a week. It's unbelievable. All right, it's it's seasonal stuff. All these recipes are fresh and seasonal. What's going on right now is what they're putting on your table, what they're making, what they're growing. All right, and it has a culinary team that's incredible. It's all designed by them. It's flexible too. You can do 12 week recipes. Each week is you can pick two three four recipes based on what best fish just schedule and the quality is amazing no non GMO ingredients and meats with no added

hormones, which is awesome. That's why I feel like we're bigger people 100 percent you go to like Europe They they Joe list just said it he goes out. I've been looking at people just eat loaves of bread They, they, Joe, let's just said it. He goes, I've been looking at people just eat loaves of bread for fucking three days and no one's fat. Yeah, I mean, it's milk, but it's like there's no mold.

I want to, why wasn't Belgian, my egg, great. I ate like shit, but I didn't feel fucked up when I left because their food has no shit in it. Yeah. Yeah, crazy, right? It's unbelievable food. So check it out. This week's menu

uh... you get i want to this is uh... this is what i love that they're giving my fans uh... of this podcast three weeks three meals free oh well yeah three meals free all right go to blue apron dot com slash dude

that's blue apron apron dot com slash dude and you guys because i know my fans you love food I see at my shows. I love my fan base. Hey Bob, they'll have fucking son Go to blue apron dot com slash dude right now and get your first three meals free man look at that look at that Look at dad I need that in two seconds. What's the one on the bottom that looks crazy teagant. She oh that is the I Think that's uh

Yeah, that's pasta with chicken and broccoli the other one is the broccoli shrimp of a rice man and broccoli. The other one is the broccoli shrimp of a rice man. Chrissy Teague and soy glaze shrimp and chicken and broccoli with hot green peppers. So anyways, yeah dude, I went to this other fucking restaurant. The guy walks out with a fucking shit cap and a fucking mushy, no, no, it wasn't a mushy, you already came out with taramasu in a jar.

That's the new thing now. What do you mean? They put desserts in a jar. That's the new thing now. What do you mean? They put desserts in a jar. I hate that. Yeah. Like a little Mason-type jar. It's a Mason jar. It's like, oh, it's deconstructed.

It's just, just make it. Just make it. How about this? If you're gonna do that, make sure it's good. We took a bite out of it. It was sour. It was old. Bad Teramasu, huh, Tom?

Bad. Sour. The fucking thing turned! Just because it's in a jar of fucked face doesn't mean you can keep it forever. Do you have food poisoning? Huh? Do you get food poisoning? I did not get, you cannot get me food poisoning.

Really? Yeah, I have to go to a third world country to get, I gotta get a virus to get food poisoning. You gotta put like a little thing in my stomach to swim around and lay eggs to get me food poisoning. I just had it last week. What'd you get? Shredded pork. Where? Off a truck. There's some Mexicans in the woods.

Yeah, I understand. You ever see, I don't know if they still do this anymore. You ever see, remember back in the day in New York, they would pull up with the van and they'd be like, hey, do you want some steaks? You molested by a fucking food guy. Where did they do that? They weren't just in the van with a teabon. Hey, fast, he some steaks? You molested by a fucking food guy. We're just in a van with a teabon.

Hey, back. He get over here. That child molested us. We'll go around with food trucks. Hey, Chubby puts a May 1 on his finger. Hey, mister. Now you don't remember this. Just hustle. You want to be able to cheese steak.

Hey, Chubby, come here. That's how you get him. Just not eating. And you realize his cocks in there Hey kiddie like onions you are whizz and no whizz I'll take whizz you got it Door locks car speeds off You got clear cheese on your chin. That's how they find me. He's damaged goods

No, you don't remember the trucks that used to pull up and it would be like they'd be selling leftover meat nobody left over me They do it in the city they pull up hey miss you want some stakes Liz he's Mexican. He's poor They pull up hey, you want some stakes Liz. He's Mexican. He's poor Italian Italian They go to your house they have like a like they're van a frozen meat and they knock it. Oh your neighbor is that ordered this But they're not picking up so do you want to buy it for a discounted rate? I'm pretty good scam. That's a good hustle who the fuck buys meat door to door. You don't buy it I don't buy it said bought it. I don't get cable that way

Never mind meat door to door you don't buy it I don't buy it and bought it I don't get cable that way never mind for lace hey listen your neighbor didn't buy this meat what do you mean Dolores I'm pretty sure that she goes to the G-Cos shops I don't know she had a computer how the fuck did she get how does she get who fucking gets made from a fuck? I don't bet, like, I don't understand that. I didn't say that I did it. I asked you if you guys noticed the trucks around town. Now, I've never fucking noticed a truck that pulls up and goes,

Psst, hey, chubs. You want, you want, you want me? Fattie, come here. You want me? No, actually, I got it from my parents house. That's where I got the pork from. I got the pork from my parents. But it was sitting out for a minute, so I got it from my parents house, that's where I got the pork from. I got the pork from my parents, but it was sitting out for a minute,

so I think it was my handling. Your mom got used to, can I say something? Why, that's bad. No, I'm losing it. I'm losing it from my parents. I've gotten it from my mom too. I think when your parents get older, they forget what they got,

and they come from a different generation where you don't throw something out Oh, I see shit in their fridge is that I know's been there since fucking Christmas dude I my mom is you know she does you'll go over there She'll be like you hungry and you look on your plate and it's like Chinese ribs a pancake A couple eggs. Yeah, she tries to get rid of everything The freezer Couple of eggs. Yeah, she tries to get rid of everything. Yeah, like empty the freezer. Yeah, it's fucking. I'm like nine a.m. I'm not gonna eat fucking

spare ribs of filet mignon, a hot dog, a half a hot dog with a bite taken out of it and French toast to parochis. What the fuck? Oh, God. Some guy selling hot dogs and frozen outside. What, what, what, what happens in the one? What does she make good or what did she make good growing up? My mom, well, here's the thing. we grew up poor, so my mom doesn't matter

There he is What up buddy? It's good. We're talking. Oh, sorry buddy. What is it? Is that they? Can we fix it? I took your seat, Jay Jay move over a little bit so we can he's gonna fix it. Yeah, if you can. Hi, Jay Trane, how you doing, buddy? Why are you about a breath? Because I want to make this show, I want to.

Because he's a fucking professional, that's why. And we've been, we're tankin' over here. I'm sorry. He's gonna, he's gonna, he's gonna, what's that empty bottle of water? All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right,

all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, was like, oh, it sounds like it's gonna be weird. You guys would be talking about like dipping sauces, you like? Sweet chili. Sweet chili. I like a sweet chili sauce. Put me down for that. They got fat in here real quick. As soon as I sat down, Jay train had vine diapers. Yeah, that disposable. Yeah, just threw them out. Cause 85. Yeah, little whales on it. Yeah, it smelled good. Well, even when you shit, little duck belt holding them up, never wore the same

white guy in a white van, pick them up. You ever see see that you ever see the truck pull up the the the mark trucks now he lives in new york city it's that in new york and i've never been there was a story full up and say that we have a Jamaican lady they did all that shit for us i don't know what you're talking about we had a woman yes and we call and the jess uh... uh... uh... cursing does a great bit about the girl like it when i i never met jess like i'm the one that says you did a whole bit about uh... the cleaning one bit about the girl. Like when I never met Jessica, and then I watched her and say she did a whole bit about the cleaning one being called the girl.

And I was like, I think we're brother and sister. I was like, do I know? I was like, I know you, and she comes here, I go, I know you intimately. And she goes, I have people say that to me all the time. Like just the most. So now that we have the cleaning ladies, we call them late, the ladies.

We just call them ladies. The ladies are coming tomorrow. That's so funny. them late the ladies Ladies the ladies are coming tomorrow. That's a Ladies, yeah ladies are coming tomorrow. There's nothing worse than being home when the cleaning ladies at the It's not even your own home anymore. No, it's not you have to say sorry if you take it a piss. Oh, yeah Excuse me. You stepped through there mopping, but then you like this. I'm leaving. I picture you Like just pissing all over the floor. No, it's always uncomfortable. And I, I like that as a minute, I guess you're turning the white privilege hour.

Yeah, you did. You show up talking about the maze made my life so difficult. I'm dancing around the way I'm doing it. This guy's eating meat of a truck, having a sun-dicking food. I mean, I'm a kid with a hard life. Mr. Freed. Hey, kid, come in.

Come in the truck. Get in touch by butchers. Oh my God. This is the night and day. Yeah. Day what? You want to make growing up? You never made growing up.

You never made growing up? We had actually, we had an Asian couple that would live in the base. What the fuck? All right, I'm not going to lie. My mother, when I was part, we had like, we did have, we had like this Filipino guy. Did they come in a cargo container?

Yeah. Yeah. Did she have to massage people during the day? This is my grandparents thing. They would do the head of room downstairs in their house. And they would always get like a couple where the guy was in school. He'd be like MIT, like killing it.

And she like needed, he would want to bring his wife over. And they were to put out ads and Chinese. Because white girls don't marry. Yeah. Yeah. He's not coming here for ass. We got to bring the, we got to bring out women over. Yeah, yeah.

And we got to make sure they stand a basement because they'll go fuck black guys It was his idea to chain her up. Yeah, they carry two pockets over. You can't have to do some to God for your arti Game over So yeah, they would live in my grandparents had a couple that lived in their basement And so my parents were like, that's what you do and so then the basement and so my parents were like, that's what you do. And so then we had like a sit button. You know, one of the couples had been with my grandparents

for so long that they are part of the family. Like Sam and Sam and Shao Pank. And we get you know, the band would stop. Where they're at? Sam and Shao Pank. Why did he get a cool name? Sam, why did we get a appetizer? Yeah, why?

Sam and Shao Pank. Is that any more Sam and Sha did he get a appetizer? Yeah, why? Sam is shouting pink. Is that any more sandwich helping on the buffet? No, gone, gone. No, too fat guy. He fat guy's came in on it. Completed by Knoly. Sam is shouting pink, three. His name was Sam and she was shouting pink.

Sam pink, shout pink. Sam pink, shout pink. The pinks. Wow, but that's the first time I've ever referred to them as the pinks. Mr. and Mrs. Pink. They were at a wedding, I was just that last weekend. Oh, they were at the wedding. At the wedding.

They're more Jewish than I am. Were they invited or cleaned up after? Well, were they the barstool worker, you got to work your way in. So they're still working it off? Yeah, they're still working. The servitude doesn't just end. Yeah. They're still working that cargo ship ticket. Yeah, there's no to escape or anything like that.

We're trying to get out. There's got to hit him with the BB gun. You go down that window as scratches by the window. What has happened on here? Just the cleaning lady. Mow Ping was here. Just days scratched into the wall. These vibes. When do you got bullied at school instead of teaching you fucking come through?

Championship I wish it was that cool like how great with that like that movie is disappointing to me having you know access to the Asian world So rips your whale off your pocket you come home Sam Peng is in the back it the stick. I shall teach you. I shall teach you Windows 95. What happened to shirt? What happened to shirt, J-Trade? Well, I was at school and, you know, just said he hated whales. Take shirt off.

Put back off. Take off. Put back on. Now, this makes no sense, Sam. Yeah, come over here. Suck a dick. Oh Put your mouth on my cock Now seeing this no one take no one fuck with you again. Oh if you suck their dicks

Oh, and that's how I learned to suck it Nobody bullied me ever again. I gave great head up until college a lot of come That's right no punches well we were talking about that really fucking fellow it was going great until I went suck a dick and everyone that was a hard that was a hard laugh you know Pat Moriarty I'll tell you that well I just as a steep cut I think I think that when you go to a restaurant, I'm gonna see my friends.

I thought you were making a lot of home's reference with your career. He wasn't a like a guy. He wasn't one of Desbishop's friends. Now I had more yarn. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a rock away. It wasn't me coming in with my Ireland. Yeah, I teach you Karai. I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a I talking about I'm a yelp are we've talked about years ago I'm just gonna say I appreciate the fact that you have seven Yelp reviews in the past four years

He's not like an elite hard Stop you're not a young girl Right what do you hear these one of these reviews? Okay, all right settle down. Let me just finish my thought here I'm'm gonna expand you. I first of all, my Yelp photo is me and Anthony Bourdain. So take me serious. That's not important. You took me to school. That is I am there. I know Dushdom. I would be so happy to have a picture of you. But can you imagine you're like, who is this asshole ready? My right? Oh, Mr. Bourdain He must know something well he's not in a chef What you see is a cook he was a line cook let me say this if you don't if you see that photo and you

Mono my reviews pops up on your restaurant fear that please a chubby guy with Anthony boy Yeah, guys must know some shit. Okay, okay, I made that rib eye for you guys That picture yeah, Liz Where's my reviews again Liz Chubby guy with the Anthony boy. Yeah, guy must know some shit. Okay. I made that ribeye for you. It's all that picture. Yeah. Liz, where's my reviews again, Liz? If you scroll to the bottom under reviews. Over how many years of these reviews? Okay, now four years.

I'm gonna read you, we read one of my good ones. Now I stop reviewing for a minute. I will go back. The early fries at the Arbiz were not to taste. There was nothing special about that sauce. Now he's going retarded, but my review, you have to admit, Folly was a good, I mean, that was a pretty epic review. It's not, I mean, it was a great review.

What's the rest of it? It was a restaurant in Wisconsin, the steakhouse. And I will say, if I read the review, and I do read Yelp reviews, I also read Yelp reviews about Jesus world in Orlando, but they he's made Is that a thing it's a total thing. Did you go there? No, I want to they made him something even after the dinner menu was done And he asked for it. They made it for him anyway without even

If you don't know me, okay, and you read my you'd be like oh my god, what a great fucking review as a rest It's thoughtful as a restaurant You're gonna go this guy's the shit now. This is what happens when you cross me Oh, Liz please read this. I do say this about criticism the problem people have I have crew with criticisms that they have never put in the thought that I've put into putting out the the art So if you put in the thought into your review that the chef put into the recipe, then it's appreciated. I did do that. On that review. That's what's a pretty good thing. You can have compared the two. I don't know what your thought processes

into reviewing it will never be the work that the chef put into making. Okay, of course, that's exactly that. Of course, that's true, but I understand what he's saying. I really, I didn't just go to places great. Good stuff. Loved it. I put a lot of thought into that review now when you cross me this is another good review though What is that this is I know what you're looking for hold on you're looking for the one star? Yeah, I have a one one one star and this is what happens This is what happens when you fuck with Robert Kelly the the yelper arc of two two five this is dad cigar warehouse

uh... i make it a point to go to every cigar shop lounge that i can possibly go to and i can say with full confidence this place sucks as soon as i walked in i didn't get a hello or welcome from the old curmudgeon lady behind the desk stop right there I didn't get a hello or a welcome from the old curmudgeon lady behind the desk Painted one second I did I painted I fucking have a palette. Yeah, and now I wrote this in the parking lot Five seconds after I left time. Did you Google cat-a-spoke curmudgeon? I call my wife

Wondering I was completely I was completely annoyed. But as soon as his regular came up to her and asked her a question, she was at least a little nicer to him. Oh, Lenny's calling. Talk to Lenny. You didn't like the hierarchy of the place. Yeah, talk to Lenny. Lenny, you're alive on YKWD. Congratulations. Yeah, Lenny.

Yeah. Thank you very much. Now, what's the weight? How to go It was crazy is about five and a half hours from soup tenuts. You did it really quick. I thought it was a girl Bobby heard soup and now he's out Oh, I got you Skinny guy always going right for the fat joke low hanging fruit of a fucking J-Drain

So low hanging soup. I love that Oh, I'm so old let Lenny. Yes, I mean everything good the baby's fine your wife is fine Everybody's fine wife is fine baby looks great did you cut the did you cut the cord of course did you see anything you never wanted to see probably yeah you just got you got to burn that out of your men and red out you look did you look I look from like not direct hit like over the top oh no just look at the sun you have clashes on

ha ha ha ha ha ha so you should make special glasses for guys in the delivery room you can only see the baby's head you know you don't see any poo you see nothing no so you cut the cord it was weird like calamari right yes so now it is yeah are you an island stop are you are you exhausted yeah we're exhausted we're so exhausted I'm gonna fall asleep in like two

seconds yeah she just finally get some sleep we put the baby in the nursery there and she'll get it back for feeding in a while. Yeah Yeah, her parents are in town got here at like noon. Wow. Yeah, everybody's super excited. Oh my god. Did you cry? No, I was excited. Oh, okay. Why are you gonna say like that? It's right, Lenny. You can cry. Yeah, you can cry. Did you cry? What's that a cry about of thrilled happiness? Joy, tears of joy. Yeah. The Egg You've Been Winning the World Series. Wow.

Wow. Wow. This is your year, Lenny. This is your year. I hope she's a red-sock figure. Yeah. This is her. No, no.

This curse, that shit. It was great. When I saw my wife, I teared up a little, but she was so. Pussy. Yeah, I justared up a little bit. She was so pussy. Yeah, I just called you a pussy. Baby, you're fine. You wife, you're a fucking whistler.

Oh, man. Yeah. So, now, let me ask you a question. Is it, do you feel different? Uh, no, it's kind of surreal right now. Right. When we get at her home. Yeah, that's kind of surreal right now. Right. When we get her home. Yeah, that's what every thing changes. He's still calling the baby an it. So I don't think he's really getting hurt. Yeah. No, he said her before when he said it's in the nursery. I don't

think it's going to tell him yet. Well, yeah, you'll get you'll get who now. What's the whole name? Can you tell us the whole name? Oh, yeah No, Gina still ironing it out. She can't read she can't decide Try shall ping Jared's cleaning lady that lived in the basement is all life I'm hoping that people don't look her up. I mean, actually, I don't even know how to spell it. I can't wait until somebody photoshoops. Let me baby a shallpaper.

He's a fucking bruminer here. A fucking thruster. Asian baby. Well, let's get on with it. We don't know who it looks like me or her, but I swear to God, it looks like Joey Cola. Fucking sister Asian baby Well What was he in town So the audience for the show I love Joey. Joey's the best. Joey's the best. He is the best. That'd be great if you're your baby's mama. Yeah, you can tour together. Two dads. One the father, one

takes care of it. All right, buddy. Well, listen, congratulations. Thank you. When are you going home tomorrow? Saturday morning. So, all right. So I Well listen, congratulations. Thank you. What are you going home tomorrow? Tomorrow. Saturday morning. Wow. So, maybe for two days. All right, so I'll see you Sunday at the party, okay? Yeah. Okay.

Buddy, I bought steak tips. I'm not for you and Gina and the baby. So, okay. So, if you don't come up, you know, I mean, it's a little insulting. All right. Well, Jared, for those little wise cracks, you should bring it back down to the hospital for me. Thank you. I got you, Lenny.

All right. Congratulations. Congratulations, buddy. Mazel, Tom. Yeah, Mazel, Tom. Tell Gina, I say congratulations. All right. Give her a big kiss on the neck for me where she likes it.

I will. Okay. All right. Bye, buddy. Hi. I was too much. Take it too far in my podcast. You fucking assholes up. Did you remember, did you go luck? Did you luck when your kid was born? Well, here's what they don't tell you when the baby happens. It's usually in the

middle of the night. And your wife is going through so much fucking pain, labor is so taxing on natural child, childbirth. And then they give the, the spinal thing, the, what's it called? Epidural. Epidural. They've never had like blue balls so they, you know, they don't get that. It's worse than that, I believe. But it's not that bad.

No, it's really bad. I tell you, I remember I was two times when I went to. No, it's really bad. I tell you some blue balls. I'll tell you I remember I was Two times when I went to the doctors it sucked once I was getting a skin tag removed on my my nut and On my inner thigh I was getting it taken off and the doctor was just giggling and I was like what's up? She's like I'm a big fan. I was like Not anymore. It's like I got to pull out this little fucking piece of gum Little fucking gum and a fucker. a fucking shed to see your Peter?

Well, I had to take my pants down and fucking move my nut to the side. You know what, I know why would you say that? Mid-not moment. Yeah, she was very happy. Huge fan. She was a big fan. I'm glad she was a bigiggling when I put my pants down.

I kind of pulled, I reached in and grabbed my dick out and started like pulled it a couple of times just to get a fluffed up really. I didn't want to disappoint a finger. Of course, good job. Yeah. That's gonna be the best part about being like an LA doctor. Oh, you see all the random LA penis.

Just regular fucking people. Just, you see like, and you see it all the random L.A. penis. Just regular fucking people. Just, you see, like, and you see it like not sexualized. You just see like regular bread picnic. Yeah, you just see it in like, not in glory. Just a regular. I'm not interested. I'll tell you right now, though. Not, I'm telling you right now that doctors,

there's no way the cheating go back and say, oh, he's got a little dick. Oh, absolutely. There's no way. There's first of all, pull the racquet. Whatever you are, they talk. For the racquet, my dick is nice, but I gotta get it going. Sure, of course.

I have to get it going. You can't, right now, if they did just a random dick check, I'm out, I'm lost. Have you ever been panced? I can't be, I was still. There's no, I was still. I was looked in a pantspin. I would have to leave the business

and leave the country and go to like another country. So at the party this week and you're cooking steak. You pants me. Someone comes up and pants you. Someone's gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm hosting seller brunch. Yeah, so it's the first fucking time. You're gonna need a lunch. It's gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch.

You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch.

You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch.

You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. You're gonna need a lunch. from fucking Maulden, Domstack, I just are like a New England thing. I didn't realize that. I'm bringing them to New York, Domstack. I just talked to Domstack, literally Domstack, Domstack tips. I'm going to bring them to New York City. New York and Connecticut and from Boston, all the path is going to be laid with Stake tips. Nobody knows what the fuck the hour in New York is going to bother you. The litter 95 with Stake tips.

I'll tell you this right now. I'm signing a thing. I'm doing a thing with Dom's. You're frantic. I'm giving away a one pound bag of steak tips. Two people in off of my podcast. Fans of this podcast will be getting steak tips. I want steak tips.

You come to my company. I'm gonna be in Vegas. You're a fucking loser. I do. Why couldn't you work it out with comedy seller Vegas? Go to comedysellor.com right now. Get your tickets.

CC social. CC social. So wait, why wouldn't you set it up where the seller could get done? I'm working on it. Yeah, I'm working on it because I've heard about these things from everybody. Here's the thing with these steak tips too.

Everybody's like, dude, I've had them. And then they taste them. They're like, dude, I've never had these things from everybody. Here's the thing with these steak tips too. Everybody's like, dude, I've had them. And then they taste them, they're like, dude, I've never had that. It's like a thing where you're like, the only thing close in New York is those speedies in upstate. That's the only thing close.

It's not even close though. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, turkey tips, the whole tips thing. But there's a special machine that makes them. It's not a good cut of meat. If you bought them, you'd be like, yeah tips thing. But there's a special machine that makes them. It's not a good cut of meat. If you bought them, you'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get this, they put it in this machine

and they tenderize it with the shit. And when you put, it's meat candy. Is it season? Baba, it's, it's, it's, it's the, I'm gonna save you some. Legie. I'm gonna save you some, Liz. All right, I love you. So anyways, yeah, I'm bringing, I'm bringing Dom's.

I'm doing a thing next this weekend, writing up a proposal, fans of this podcast, you're gonna be, have a chance to win a one pound bag of steak tips, so you know what the fuck I know. You'll know what it's like to be hard like Bobby. Whoa. If the distribution method is just guys and trucks selling

steak tips. Oh, me. We might get, you're gonna get to eat Bobbys meat. Well, here's the thing with this. Where were we with this? Oh, my review. So this is what happens when you cross me. Oh, it's in the middle.

Let's start from the beginning. Hold on a second. Yeah. You want to start again? Yeah. You guys are having a party? All right. Listen, go.

Now, I don't want your fucking Boston candy. You're gonna stay tips. I was gonna invite you if you don't want to come, then fuck it. All right, we're out. That's a whale shirt policy, though. Do you want to go? I'll be down in Philly. You don't want to go?

I have a nice steak. Do you want to go? No, I can't do something. All right, then go fuck yourself. That's why I don't invite nothing. I invite certain people to go, because I know that would come if I asked them. I don't invite people that, you know, I gotta do something I don't know I don't like inviting people that just want the invite. Oh, yeah

I invite people that I know will go yeah, I'll be there dude sure I don't there's a lot of people I've invited over the years that were insulted and why wouldn't I hear you and then I invite them and they go I can't make it yeah, and then I invite them next they go I can't make it. Yeah, and then I invite him next year I can't fucking done. I mean, we know those people for like comedy purposes. They'll go I want to come to a show and you say anytime and then you go anytime they go what night and you say and then you make the mistake early on where you're like, Oh, Tuesday and then we'll go, wow, and then you're like, well, Tuesday, like an eight o'clock and then now you are begging this person

that you didn't even want the fucking cop. But here's the difference between that that sucks too, but the reason why it sucks from my party. I just bought you, I bought you two hamburgers, couple hot dogs, a sausage, and around three, you can have Ben and Jerry. I around three steak tips. You numbed it. And I, you know what I'm saying? So, and I got you a Sunday too. So he had a Ben and Jerry's cart. We have Ben and Jerry's cater. So here's a deal. I'm cooking up. I'm fucking five bags of steak tips around 60 hamburgers, around 30 hot dogs. I'm cooking up garlic and cheese sausages, sweet sausages. That's 15 bucks a plate. Okay. Now you're going to fill up on that shit. Okay. Yeah. Homemade macaroni salad for my wife's shit. Homemade fucking chocolate yellow cake.

Not this horse shit store bought yellow cake, the best cake on the most moist cake on the fucking planet. Chocolate milk chocolate frosting, yellow cake, right? Homemade. Yeah, we heard it. Then we fucking. Cater. I'm gonna tell someone something and you're expecting like a war. I know what I wanted out of you. I know you're serious. You know what I mean? Man, I'm in a war. Then we fucking cater

Up comes this guy with a card whenever Sunday you want from Ben and Jerry's anything. There's a line Let me tell you. Yeah, it's usually Norton first Gary go it's newly Gary the Norton right really yeah, it's fuck yeah, it's just all it's all the comics Yeah, yeah, it's like my way much a little kids just I'm telling you right now the Ben and Jerry's is they say whatever you want I have to talk with the guy a couple years ago because they sent this fucking millennial little fuck You want to give a good portions? No, it wasn't given a smile Do you come to my party if I spend that much money? Yeah.

You, hey kids, I want fucking Sesame Street. This is your second smile review of the podcast. You're, this is a big thing to you. Yeah. Well, it's a big thing to you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know, a big, small tits on a woman. No, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a legit thing. Yeah, I was setting you up. No, you're not. You're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're

not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're

not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you He was just point out the double smile thing that's all he's not gonna have you on a show Care about you Yeah, yeah, I can't go to barbecue, but I'll do the show My barbecue sounds real fun by the way you screaming at some kid behind a nice Crank truck and fucking counting out stakes for everybody you got it narrow down to how many burgers everybody gets The point's the point here's the point the point of that is is that you got You can't just buy Willie nilly 50 people come to this. Oh my god. I'm sorry. Yeah, you got a number 50 people I can't I can't just spend an extra grand on meat and this have you have to know who's coming You can't have two little food because that's all people will talk about. You can.

It's a math equation. I got you. And that perfect amount. The first year we did it, I'm sitting there for three weeks eating fucking hamburgers and hot dogs. Wrecked out. Omelet, sauce, hot dog, and eggs.

Last year we finally got it down. There was like a few hamburgers left, enough steak tips for a couple of days and we were done. Who's eating like in a way that they're cheap? Like who's coming? Like who's eating the food at your house? Like they're they have an eating in a week and a half? Who would surprise us? I mean, well, that's Stavros came last year and he was kind of sneaking by the grill, whappin stuff off the grill. He's always doing the

finger move. The finger. I love Stavros, but yeah, 100%. Oh, but I let Stav stop me deal because he's my baby He used to stand by the grill and I throw him like a little shitzer You know, right? Yeah, yeah Norton Norton stands by the grill is it done? Can I get a hamburger? It's like relax. They're not done Oh, it's all creepy. Well, he just he Norton is, when he, the way he eats is a very certain way.

And when, you know, he's not gonna go around that. When, you know, he says a hamburger, is it done, can I have it? Well, if I give you one, this sounds like, everybody else is gonna be watching you eat. Can you wait? Can you just wait for everybody?

Cause it's just him, we have a hamburger. And there's 50 people going, hey, he's got one. Oh, where's mine? Yeah, I gotta say, barbecue, this sounds like a barbecue, and an insane asylum. Buddy, you gonna understand who I invite? Colin, Norton, Keith, who else is coming?

Sodor. Sodor, Joe, Liss, Gomez, Lenny, you would come, he was coming. I mean, there's a bunch of people coming, but then you have, you know, Dawn's friends and then you have Max's kid because it's his birthday party, right? And then it's birthday party. It's also his birthday. So I have a bouncy house, a huge bouncy house. Look at that, yard.

Norton's is the first. I have, no, he can't go in there And then I have a zip line. I have a face painter I have I have a yeah, I have all kinds of shit for the kids to do now. What is your kid get face painted? Well last year the lion no last year he was a teenage the the girl I have for face painting, you were a lion. We were both lions, he wanted me to get it done so I got it done. But the girl I got last year, fuck, she's, I mean, I get, last two years, she's a fan of the, uh, ONA and she hit me up, fucking incredible. She hot.

Dude, I don't, my wife is there, I don't do that, yeah, she's hot. Yeah. I just smoked a hot one. There was a fucking, fucking higher chocolate, I can show up. Hard school drive. That's how it sounds. That's great. that yeah she's like yeah fucking high right chocolate hard school drive my mates can't acute to it really baby said smoking can't wait for me going off a date

night my mom a little sick I'm gonna stay home much go have a can only without me I'll just be upstairs go back to the place give another shot um sweat anyways yeah so here we go. This review, and now you have to understand this. Dad's our warehouse. You know, cross me.

Mm. Look, when you own a business, someone walks in, you hear a dang at the door, you go, hey, how you doing? Welcome to the store. Welcome, can I help you with anything? I'm with you. Right?

Yeah. Hey, good to see you. I tell you what do I want? Okay I don't start from the beginning do I yes, okay Here we go. I make it a point to go to every cigar shop lounge that I could possibly go to which I do and I can say with full confidence This place sucks sucks. How many use? Sucks one just one okay single you all all right so she's she's taking a little great a creative license but I'm okay with that I'm okay with that as soon as I walked in and didn't get a hello or welcome from no I'm loving her mogen lady behind the desk yeah I was completely

ignored but as soon as a regular came up to her and asked her a question she was at least a little nicer to him I asked how much a standing ashtray was on the floor. She ignored me. So I asked again, she said, sir, the price is on it. I love that's an offensive. I love why is that a price tag that rents a pants? Why for her to go the prices on there because you're fucking asking. I don't know where it is.

I obviously I love. Yeah, I'm not a moron. I have common sense. I'm not trying to spark a little banter with you. And the reason why I asked is because here you can watch this. Ready? Oh, my god. I just pre-read.

All right. Anyway, sorry. I pre-closed. I asked. I asked so much. The standing usher on the floor was she ignored me. So I asked again, she said, sir, the price is on it. I looked and there was a price tag that read $3 i said there's a price tag for three dollars she said you

know that couldn't be the price in a rude fuck you tone yeah i suggest never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever step foot in this shit hole stop right there i wrote all those he did that was not clear that was all all your all your all me and his thing it said three dollars so I look there's a price tag that says three dollars on it I would have been like it's me for three dollars by law her her looking at you going You know, it's not three dollars then I know I don't You said I said how much is it the price takes on it price on I look said three dollars you know It's not that now I got a fucking guess

But also the retail you know what it's three dollars. Here's three dollars. I'm taking my fucking ass tray Wow, that's what also you're asking three three dollars is you admitting to the fact that this can't be three dollars Right you saying out loud when she says oh, yeah, you can't that's the annoying part is you are literally saying in your question right that this is impossible now If I would if I had any coolness about me at all if I had any fucking just just you bang her some I would have you I want to read come here. Let me fuck you on this asterisks What's a standing asterisks Why would you fuck a wiff? Can we work that joke with the ass tray?

Yeah, you're right. Not on it. Not me. I'm not fucking anybody on anything. She sounds like she's already got something to ask. She's got a seawall, like a tsunami wall. All right, thank you. Here we go.

Is your blood sugar, what happened to you? No, I was listening to you. You need a candy bar? What the fuck? You're whipped up, 10, 10, 20 minutes ago. You're whipped up. You're a steak tip. All right.

The worst service I've ever gotten in any store never mind a cigar shop. Wow. Oh, and everything was way overpriced, except for that one standing ashtray. I didn't read that. I'm sorry. She just, I didn't read that. I'm sorry. She just, I should have wrote that.

Go somewhere else. Places like this don't deserve to have the doors open. I don't care how small or big you are, all good businesses start with a simple hello. Well, oh, I like that it all came to get a little bow on it. I mean, I'm a fat. That is a good review. I'm not in a lot of useful votes,

a lot of funnies and a lot of cools. Funnies. Listen now. I don't know about funny. Look, that's pretty funny. Yeah, there's a couple funny. Yeah, on Yelp on hilarious. It's Yelp funny. I didn't realize the audience. I would do the owner respond to you. No. No. See, if I'm the owner, I respond and I I go hey, I'm sorry for your bad experience Please come back so I can give you a discount. Yeah, yeah, like that's the most because you're fucking We could number one. You're fucking good owner

Number two, Joe Wait a minute I'm saying like that woman must be the owner is my assumption I I don't think so. I think she's the mom of the owner. And I think the son is that I've heard from other people because I'm in the cigar world. And I really do go to every place I go to, I visit the cigar lounges.

It's my relaxation. I go, I'll bring my jokes, I'll work on stuff, I'll smoke a bat, I'll make some phone calls, blah, blah, and I usually sip on myself. I don't announce to anybody. I sit there, sometimes they know me, sometimes they don't. But there's a community to it, there's a community. There's a community to cigar places. And, you know, look man, I've been to some shit holes,

but I still at a great time, because you walk, I literally went to a cigar place where there was one chair in a small little TV that was playing soccer. And I just sat there with the guy behind me at the register. Really? And I smoked a cigar and it was fresh as shit. Like you were in Mexico, like on a...

Like I was in the bottom of the heart. Exactly, yeah, yeah. It was a roadside cigar. And it was just cigar. But there was a wall. El Chappé. He was a... He was a...

He was a mad man. He was a mad man. But you know he was a Muslim but there was a wall. El Chappé. He was a... He was a... He was a... He was a mess. You know, he was a Muslim because he had a wall with President, Kennedy, Elvis, and Obama. You know what I mean? And the American flag, like, I am not here. I am... I am not...

I am not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. Yeah, yeah, it was like a shrine to like the most liberal everybody Yeah, it's gonna hot dogs like her in the car All the all the massagingistic men on the left that have just bang chicks who women don't mind if they're scumbags

Of course, Elvis just raped a kid sure and then married her He's but it's out of the Selfie, selfie, selfie, selfie He was a cool one Kennedy was fucking women He donated a lot to charity Kennedy was fucking women. Kennedy was fucking women two at a time on the road.

But he's Kennedy. Right ahead of here. I can't wait till some stuff comes out Obama. Oh, I mean, there's no chance he didn't bang about you. Wow, he smoked. So smoking cigarettes means you banged. Yes, smoking cigarettes means you at smoke a cigarette mean you at least finger pop chicks

Um, so yeah, I look this this restaurant these both these two restaurants They almost got a yellow for me, but not quite. Which restaurant? He went to the restaurant. You have to blow me the fuck away as a restaurant, either way, for me to write a review. Well obviously you've only got seven and four years. That's right. That's right. Only been blown away seven times and four years. Six times positive, one time. Now, now, wait, out of all the places you've eaten, that's all right.

Well first of all, I don't like the tone on that Yeah, and the fucking you look at my Tint when you said that Like in disbelief You believe me That doesn't add up I'm looking at all this way you gave And they're all shit restaurants I don't have my numbers in front of me, but I don't know all mediocre meals

My point is I get all you I get all your stuff about good service And all that shit, but that's why I'm fat if I found the good place. Yeah, what do you mean? I'm sorry. I can't get stuff about the service and I agree with you, but just I was I was surprised that you were a Yelper, but like Jarrett was too. I Not a Yelper. I have to help., I have to. Yelp. Once in a while, it's just in me to get it out. And let me tell you something. I'm a, I'm a, I don't have a spell and I don't know grammar that well. And I have to use an app like Grammacy to help me. But I am, I mean, I am really good when, when I, I mean, those are fucking eloquent. You know,

you know, I know it's a good review. I know I respect it. I think I'm happy to get one. It's because you're there for the community. it. I'd be happy to get one. It's because you're there for the community. The fact that none of these owners get in touch or give you free shit, like you have a following on Instagram, you could be using this to your advantage. Yes. You could be putting on your story, hey, I'm going to make come to this restaurant today, get ready for me, and they'll put out the red carpet.

Here's why I don't want to do that. You want to go, you know, because I would go or may. Well, I just want to be a I just want to try to be a good comment I'm not even giving up yet So do she I don't have to wear a scarf and weird glasses It's just as YKWD, Fudy. Hi. I brought your own fork. Table for one.

I'm finally here. Let's hope that's not how many stars I give you on the help. But I would use Instagram Story as my help. Like, you could do a whole fun series everywhere you go. Yeah, you could be like, I'm gonna go to one restaurant. What's the one place I have to go? I do give thoughtful reviews. That was a really, I think there's good stuff.

Yeah, I agree. Let me tell you something. There's a dumpling play. As a Jew, I want you to get you a deal and I want to create a TV show. That's great. You know the producer. I'm saying there's something here.

I mean actually I got I hate to say this. Oh, oh, Jay Triggs. Right. Yeah, you're right. This is something like a side hustle. Yeah, I know, but it's like, but you're on the road. Yeah, but here's the thing though. Is that if I he you right? No, I should do this. And you don't know. You went to Buffalo and you had wings with the fans right while I went the mode the most Buffalo looking fans I've ever remember that in my entire memory too. I remember it too I came out I came out after the show first of all These are the biggest human beings ever see it in my house and they were listening to me. They were all related The mother the mother was great too. She was a big lady too, but they were all related

and they were fucking massive. They were like oak trees. They were just so big, but they were so sweet. The mom was so sweet and they were like, listen. They took me to a cigar place. We smoked fucking bats and then they're like, we're gonna take you to the wings place. And I'm like, oh, we'll go to the anchor bar

No, no, no, that that's not the way. We're gonna duffies. We're gonna duff. It's called duff Yeah, this is the Instagram story everyone wants to see and it was a fan takes you to their best best train and I both remember this independently That's how good it was you should totally do this it was we went we went on the phone and you'd have fun doing it We went to this thing and and they ordered so much food And I remember the amount of food I remember watching this going I need to see what these people I know I was My god, I we ate so much and then they were like all right you got you ready for You ready for Pauline's donuts. I'm like guys

And then they were like, all right, you ready for Pauline's donuts? I'm like, guys, I have diabetes in my mother's side of the family. I'm literally sweating on the Instagram story. Oh no. So I'm like, ah, fuck me. It was like drugs. All right, one donut, one donut. So we all went to this donut shop and we, there was a donut there. I can't describe it.

It was a fucking, it was a hybrid. What did it have in it? Cream? Yeah. Don't act like you don't remember. I was building drama here. I don't know. Cream chocolate. No, it was sprinkles. It was a weird thing. It was like a coffee. It was almost like a was it round or long? It was it was trying to go. It was like almost like a um was it round or long? It was it was trying you know It was like a like those are the ones you know Pauline's donut go to Paulie's don't please Doodoo donuts has like the shape of them are like fuck food who don't okay?

Okay, okay, sorry You're easy there I don't always I don't like fucking donuts like I don't like donuts that this trendy hipster shit Yeah, yeah, I'm talking to the mic where there's a cheesecake on top of the donut. Yeah, yeah It's too much. I like you know why I can town donut pub old school 60 years They're opening on Broadway. They make donuts the way they made them for the last 60 years. No change What do you mean they're opening one on Broadway and Esther?

What's one? What? Go to Images. A Dona Pups, right? Okay. So here you go. I'm not a Dona guy. I don't really get down.

I feel like it's against my religion. Why? There's something I have against people that would like go on a Saturday and be like, we're doing donuts on Saturdays. What are you talking about? Because I'm a bagel guy. Like we get bagels. That's a Jewish

doughnut. Look, oh, he just don't have to donate after the bagel. I couldn't do it. It'll be against everything. I'm a photo of him at all. Five AM daily. That is the best. That is the best gig in the world. Learning a donut shop. Menu, go to menu. Five AM to 10 AM. You're fucking done. I'm gonna show you. Go to menu. Five a.m. to 10 a.m. you're fucking done. Go home. You made your money. Okay, but you not open to 10 a.m. You gotta stay open to at least four.

Look at these donuts. 12. Is that the thing right here? Is that the thing in the center? No, the one to the left is the cake, Bobby. The one to the left right there. Oh, it looks like a Ben yeah. Yeah.

It's from with that. I know it's not as light as a Ben yeah, because it's a ball. It's not the right thing right there. See that thing right there? Yeah, what know it's not as light as a Ben yeah, because it's a thing right there. See that thing right there. Yeah, what is that thing? Oh, that's it. What is that?

Oh my God, there's more cream than donut. Holy shit. That looks like fucking awesome. That just got fucking the ass. Wow, it's the number one of 935 dessert places in Buffalo. But he listened to me. This donut. So they knew what they were talking about. Yeah, of course they did these animals

Yeah, they would they didn't have shins that you could push into and it stayed you fingerprint stayed into it for nothing Shins that fucking that shin injury that he had eight years ago still hasn't healed Great guys they took me there I was fucking and I do remember they seem genuinely nice yeah fucking great yeah and i and i do think like i think these instagram stories are now are incubators we can see you can do a thing like this and see if people respond to it like all right i do it dudes watching rom coms which is so annoying. I want to hit everything Jared. Everything Jared does. It looks like everything you do. Everything you do is annoying. Yeah, pretty much.

Except to these kids, these watch eggs and a certain amount of dude, everything you do is annoying, but if you have to watch it, there's something about watching a car. There's something about Jared that when you see his fucking Is him let me say something. Let me tell you how it is. Yeah, and you're like fuck you and you wind up listening to him You're like, oh, sorry He's got a good boy. He's got a good boy. I wish he put a shirt on it Where's a shirt in their own house me? Oh Where's a shirt in their own house me?

Makes me are you getting my dad walk around no shirt my whole life? Yeah, really? Oh my whole life really I'm in my own where she was I get in the department. Yeah, yeah, who do you live with my girlfriend? Oh, I'm my cat you cat stop acting you get cats part of the family. It's gonna I'm in three years. Hey, don't say that how old's a cat for they live a long time not this one For years hey don't say that how old's a cat for they live a long time not this one I'm gonna put a fucking head out on my cat Sorry cats die quick Girl cat it's on a toy out guy girl cat girl cat of course it is

What the fuck I don't understand I mean of course it is I don't like guys who like cats. Yeah, it's a little weird It's a little weird you're a were a yelper. What are you talking about? Buddy, I had a cat. You know what I did when I moved to New York? I gave it away to a fucking tranny. Jesus. Sure. I'll take care of it, Poppy. That's the most specific giveaway. That's where BOMUS went.

That's what I thought. BOMUS is a whopper. BOMUS is that fucking, I was living with a tranny for the last fucking time. How can you give away a pet? I would never give away a pet. I had to, I had to, because I could,

because I was, I got an apartment in New York you give away a pet? I would never give away a pet. I had to, I had to, because I could, because I was, I got an apartment in New York for 325. Can't bring me cat. Now they said now. They were giving you moms. I gave it to a tranny, a great home, a friend of mine. All right, she was, she was a cook.

She was like, I'll take ball miss, I love him. She used to do that. That was her noise. That was her noise. I love her. You know, I take good care of cat. For girls. That wants to be taken seriously that noise.

It's like helping the cause. I don't know. Like when they did a march and all of a sudden you just. I think I got you. I don't know what you want to be considered right now, but you're ruining it right now. I look at man, I think like you love your cat. Is it your cat or her cat? It was her cat. All right, so it's not your cat. You can't say it's your cat. Well think you love your cat. Is it your cat or her cat was her cat?

All right, so it's not your cat. You can't say it's your cat. Well, it's her cat. Okay, you have her cat with you I have a deal with her. You do love it man. You don't love it. I put the fuck you love it. What are you my therapist? I do love it. Well, I'm gonna help you today This fucking I don't tonight and kill the cat. Cool, fuck this is the cat, dirty, cuck. You know, fuck this is the cat, dirty, cuck. Everybody uses the word cuck now. Listen to me.

I love animals, that's great, but it's not your cat. Does your cat come to you when you go home? Yeah, what the, Who does the cat love more? Guys get cats with their girlfriends so that they don't have to get married. I think it's pretty even, say that does different things with me Then she does with my girlfriend you like the distraction. Well stop putting peanut butter your balls

Stay on the peanut butter you feel a cat tongue on your fucking main vanity a cock. Oh She looks my ears That's a scratchy. That's sandpaper ton. I wish girls had that. This fucking lick my ass hog. Just fucking itch my Roy at the same time. It's like when you scratch your ass with your finger and you're like, oh, that's good. That's wrong.

Oh, you fucking sleep in a bed, you little, you looking at your wife's sleeping face and you're just itching your own ass hole. And you're like, oh's good. That's wrong. Oh, you fucking sleeping a bed, you little, you looking at your wife's sleeping face, and you're just itching your own ass hole. And you're like, oh, god, I wish my finger was bigger. I wish this nail was bigger. I wish I could remove this finger from my hands, I could just sit here hands free. Do this while I'm just laying here. I'm glad to know that people do that. At my time, I was the only one.

I have one night's scratch. I went wash your hands, I went wash goes, cause they smell like balls. Oh. Ball smells. I make my girlfriend smell it. If I scratch my balls or my butt, I make my girlfriend smell it.

Yeah. Yeah, you can't fucking awesome. You make your chicks smell your ball fingers. I'm holding her down, it's a joke. And then we laugh about it. And then I'm sure she'll look, I can't wait And then I'm sure she like, I can't wait to see ashtag lead to it. I can't wait to see a Megan.

She goes, this motherfucker made me smell his fingers. Can you believe? Actually, you got to relationship. Mike, are you sick physically? Oh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, something wrong with you. I'll do it right now. What's up? Nothing else. Everyone's last time went to the doctor. Uh, back in April. Did he say you're dying? Oh, it was done because you look, you look like a little yellow. His eyes are puffy.

You look a little yellow. Like your eyes are the same color as your skin. Well, the guy treats a flight to, to fucking say to me, like the A train. I don't know. Crazy. I don't know how he's doing. What are you doing? How are you doing this? What am I doing?

You fly to San Antonio like people go to Brooklyn. Oh, I guess, yeah. Wait, why? He ain't ranked anywhere. Well, because he's trying to get here. He's trying to move in here. And he's got an opportunity now where a friend of him is letting him kind of hang and not have to pay rent.

And he's not obligated to stay here. He can come in and out when he doesn't. now we're a friend of him is letting them kind of hang and not have to pay rent and it's not obligated to stay here. He can come in and when he in and out when he doesn't. So he's almost, I mean, I was assumed that you're using the ticket money as almost a rent thing. Yeah. Come here and make some money. Get in where you need to get in. You must have great points. Wait, you don't live here? No. I don't live anywhere right now, technically. So you never place in my wife Is the rolling stone I'm there and I leave I'm always on the road. How does your wife feel about it? She's got a wife look at him. She's happy

I'm gonna be gone for three weeks She has to fight good She has to fight going Good. She has the fight going, yay! She got the sleepiness, what do you sleep here in New York? On a couch, up in Harlem. You like cats? It's on the corner of the street.

You need extra meat. You're like cats, you don't have any rassles, scratch, huh? Come out to Queens, maybe. I'm just saying, because you're physically, I mean, you look, I want to make sure you're all right Just sitting the sun Well eating that sub that suit case with the subs didn't help yesterday

What suitcase full of You know here we go here we go you're breaking my balls about I mean you're going a baggage claim to get sandwiches no we The green room, nobody measure subs in. Hang on, yeah. Hang on, was that it? That's not how the measurement is not to use it. Sub, yeah.

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Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. So, anyways. Ya, we had a... That was eloquent. Thank you. We did a sober house last night, recovery place, footprints, and there was actually a fan who listened to the show

up there, so shout out to you, my friend. Did a comedy show. We did a comedy show at footprints out in, where was it? Trenton. And you know, it's this place, you wouldn't even know it's there. I actually went to one of these places when I was a kid.

That's how I got sober. Is this a suitcase full of sandwiches? Well, we show up. Okay. And they asked, you know, what do you want to eat? I said, I don't get whatever. So they went to, was it Jersey Mike's? Jersey Mike's.

They went to Jersey Mike's sub shop and you can get a suitcase full of subs. So it's basically three turkey subs, three Italian subs, three roast beef subs, and three club subs. I've heard about Jersey Mike's. I've never had it. Well, everyone said so good. It's good.

And look, it's not. Let me try this subway. You, you want a good sub? That's not saying much. Better than Jimmy Jones. No. Better than White House and AC. Please don't get obscure.

All right. No. No. No. No, go. White House and no. Uh-oh. Well, see, did he just call fucking Ching Ping? Who's he calling? I know that place I'm going there. What a hipster. No, uh-uh. What is he? It's called fucking ching ping. Who's he calling?

See a apologize him right now It's like in this house a white house subs wear in Atlantic City and then across the street is it good? They make the bread. It is so fucking good. I went but it's in a section Yeah, like it's not exactly Oh, you better get you better have the boober park right in front of that door Yeah, they wanted to drop me up in the corner across the radio. Nope pull around I'm telling you it's in a hairy section, but it's right. You ripped your pocket off so that it's even bigger.

Yeah, yeah. Just covering my whale, my pocket as I walk in. What are you doing? I'm just gonna be like, next time you're in a city, you have to go home. What are you doing besides we're in $170 shirt. Does that mean I came here to do the audit? No, it's not $7.7. That is expensive. I never even seen that logo. That's so trashy. I

know what that is. I stopped at the polo guy. Stop it polo guy. No, this place. Jersey Mike's great. He's never had a crocodile on his tit. I mean, uh, uh, Jersey Mike's is great. We showed up last night and they had a suitcase full of these fucking things. And then at the end, we all had a couple at the end. I was like, Mike, I go, Mike, you want to take these home? Is it yep? It's not even a hesitation. Yeah.

And then, uh, you have, they gave you a bag of cookies for, for Max. Yeah, they gave me a bag of cookies for Max. Sure. And they put a bunch of cookies in the suitcase. He's making it up the highway. I'm not, I, I, I, bring them home for my kid that's gonna be sleeping. No, I understand where you're coming from, but I'm not a big sweet sky. I'm just talking about donuts for an hour.

Look, that's a different. That's a different. I'm not judging my pants for that donut. I'm not gonna fucking eat it I don't I'm gonna like a bag of cookies doesn't do it for me. I don't go to like the if I go to if I'm gonna eat It's a fuck it's red. Yeah, it's pasta. It's dumplings. I'm time eating. Are you a nighttime? I am but I don't do it as much anymore because that's where I was really lost my weight I love it's tough. I know you don You know, whole big thing and then fall asleep.

Not the worst thing you can do. It's the best thing you can do. It's the best thing you can do if you depressed about your life. But you don't feel as good as that night as bad as you the next day. What's that? When you eat at night, that late and that heavy,

you don't feel as good. The bad night doesn't feel as good as bad as you feel the next day. Today, I look, I ate a, I went to car mines. I, first of all, this is a love, I want to write a new one. Midtown or uptown? Nope, it's not even any way you knew your town. It's in my town.

There's a car mines up are you? First of all, it's not a car mines. Stop acting like, stop assimilating to me, okay? Stop acting like we're in on this together. We're not. This is my car. This is my story. You're a car mines. I're not. This is my story. Your car months.

Up around Matt. You know, up in Westchester, there's a lot of you people. And there's a lot of Delhi. Fully Westchester is a, you know, about 45 minutes away from sitting in the middle. I live 35 minutes away. 45 minutes, 30 seconds. But there's a lot of that.

I fucking know Westchester. What are you talking about? You didn't know crocodiles. I'm not gonna say anything. So I never, okay. You didn't know crocodiles. I never seen the whale. I know the crocodiles. Yeah, okay. Eyes on.

Eyes on. Did you make subs for me and him? A little Italian subs. Not a lot of the probably exists out there. So a lobster roll, if you're real Boston, a cheese steak, and so all these little delis and lemon garbage, you know what I mean? And up there, the donut shops, the ones that are good at Chinese operated. I don't know what that's about. Wait a minute.

You just told us you're not a sweet sky and you know who the owner of donut places. That's the reason why I know that because they also, the bagel people too. So the best Asian bagels Dude best best place in Westia. I mean where we live is this the place right down the street and it's Asian owned Chinese I think Chinese or something something like New York. There's a bunch of Indian ones. Yeah, you ever see those? No pick a bagel all Indian. Yeah, this is This is old school been there for years they're making bagels all fucking night long for that day You know what I mean? Yeah, it's not a it's not a corporate like a Dunkin Donuts horse. I mean back home And we had a Greek bagel place, right? Yeah, so this place

Now I'm driving around for all of a sudden a week ago me and don't we're driving down to go what's that? It's a little street You have to it's like go down this way and then come back up this way and it says carmines I'm like what it's a deli. I've never seen that yeah, like me neither we go by come around we go like this Let's just go by we went in It's it's the best fucking the guy who owns it Robert at the door. Hey welcome a good hello. This is big for you Hey, yeah, hey, hey, how you doing welcome first time? Yeah, new was that first time Cosmos on a shitty street right

Here on this imaginary street that existed. I know it's fucking great. There's no women working there. Oh, yeah Fair enough listen made with miss. Listen, made with misogyny. When you have all, listen, when you have all fucking young guys working behind the counter, there's something, I know, I'm not, there's something about that. Kelly's rose beef. Yeah, it's all beef. Back in the day was they would not, no men, no women, just all men. Yeah.

And there was something about the process of that. Sure. They you like, oh, there's shit, this there was something about the process of that. Sure. They let go. This shit's no joke. And white. Thank God. No, I mean, now it's a point. And what?

There you go there. It's a chicken or fucking phone and some Puerto Rican gong. Yo, what's he gonna do? What'd you say? And they don't know the amount that you want. Like the portions are all like in their eyes. They're like, oh, this is a big one. You're like, this isn't a fucking.

Not a big one. No. So anyways, it's changed, but for the better, you know, I always felt women were better cooks I'm not saying cooking I'm just saying look Sandwich assembly when you go to this fucking place and it's what what can I get you buddy? You go to the back. Oh, it's just being but you know looking at the girl. She's hot. She's this. She's not that you know I mean it's a guy going all right who's next? What can I get you bang? We got it no problem I'm not fucking around here here. You leaving or you stay in we're gonna say we're gonna stay great Got it. Just go sit outside. We'll bring it here. Yeah, Italian. What do you want? Tayan you got any more to tell it? We don't we used to nobody ordered we don't Bing bang boom chicken collett, you know, little lettuce, some roasted peppers, mayo.

And then they look at you, go, gotcha buddy. Gotcha buddy, we're good. And you're done. And you get, I walk up, Robert's like, don't pay now, we gotcha, just go relax. Bring the food out. Place fills up for lunch. It was all of a sudden it's full.

I got a chicken soup, vegetable soup, to die for. I'm getting very old, because soup is my thing now. That's the thing. I wanted hot and I want a broth. You have coffee with dinner. Huh? That's an old guy thing too. Not yet. Did you what did you get for the sandwich that you split with? A tag combo. So you got what was your first sandwich? Well, don got the chicken cutlet. I got what I think. Here's the thing is I got a friend which now we don't we don't have the third sandwich. No No, we don't do that. Well, it was the fourth sandwich. We didn't do that the fifth

He didn't get the joke the laugh on that. I don't know why you're just gonna keep going It might have worked I like a chicken. I like a soup instead of a chip. They have a soup of the dead that chicken vegetable soup was the soup of the dead And I'm talking this shit was fresher than the fuck. I love the soup for the day. Fuck you fresh. Yeah, yeah. Then they come out with the bread, right?

Now her hoagie had a different bread because they know the chicken palm goes with a fucking sesame seed. Hoagie. Semolina. Semolina, yeah. Mine, Italian, you know, fuck with that. You go straight hoagie. Yeah. This is a real. I'm a leader. I'm a leader. Mine. Italian. You don't fuck with that.

You go straight, hoagie. Yeah. This is a real place. How did you never hear about it? I don't know. Nope. He goes, he's been there for 18 years. I've never heard about it.

I go, he goes, we close it for. I don't, he goes, he goes, that's enough. Yes. He goes, he goes, that's what's talking about with the donor place. He goes, that's enough. And on Saturdays, we close it one. We do breakfast, we do lunch He goes that's enough and unsatisfying as we close it one We do breakfast we do lunch and that's enough. Yeah, but you know what you can rent this place after four You can come in with cater will do every with whatever you want because you can rent it and we'll cater it

You can have whatever you want we have everything here come in watch a game it be funny if Bobby went back and it was just an empty warehouse Never what happened you were there the sandwiches were over there I'm on y'all going let me tell you one thing what you don't do to me is not be there. You don't cease to exist the next week. I'm not even kidding. We just went and looked at a house up in Briarcliffe and I came back. You remember? We're thinking about it.

Briarcliffe's nice. Beautiful. We looked at this beautiful house. We come back and I told Don I go listen, now that I found Carmine's, I think we stay. And let Max take the hit on the school system. I mean, look. Can think we stay yeah, let max take the hit on the school I mean look Can you imagine he's like

He doesn't get it he gets into like his Sanctuary that car mine Yeah, what do you want thanks for my school Yeah, we don't have anymore more to Della cool. Three sandwiches. Yeah, we don't want to have any more more to Della. How great is Martha Della? I love it. Mother fucker. We used to my aunt used to date this Italian guy and he loved saying the meats so much and it turned into that we would just go go go go. I tell you to say hello to each other. And

that's how we say goodbye now. Go go. That's how it's turned into that for my family. That's when he came that's what he said go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to represented by its worst participant. You know what? I have a theory about Dave Matthews band. Dave Matthews band is a fine band. People hate it because they hate the worst fan of Dave Matthews band. We hate the worst yelper. It's not that yelper's in a great service or a worthwhile thing.

It is the best. It's not dope. It's not in your boy board, Dan hates it too. He hates it before. The best thing is that. The first one is not my boy. Second of all, he hates it because it hurts restaurants. It hurts restaurants, but it also helps restaurants a lot.

And they look at it does. But not as easy as seriously. I've been, I go to a restaurant and I have common sense and I know I'm not an asshole. So I see four stars. I'll go read the one star right away. And I'm like, when I went in there, the lady, she's the fuck her, she's out.

And then I look at the food and I go, that looks good. That looks good, that, and then I'll read, oh, this is the most amazing block. You gotta try it. And then you look at the good stuff. So as an adult with a brain, I will do the math. They've found me. Or she is living in a world where you

doesn't trust other adults to have discerning opinions. He's trying to be poetic. He shouldn't. And you're an exception to the rule. But then he's trying to be poetic. He's trying to be that rebel guy that he used to be. Hey man, fuck you, Alpers. Hey dude, you know what dude? You do the same shit. Yeah. I don't know. You go to a restaurant and you fucking review it. You just have to go to the best restaurants, but I've seen him he's trash the couple places I'm also sick of badass chef Fuck that Fuck that you do you can be a badass and slurp an oyster

You can't be both of those things You can't go fuck this place You can't get a tattoo with a stick from an Indian. And then go have reindeer moss on a rock. Fuck off. Go fucking douchebag. I want to see one of these restaurants on orders. We're like, let's fucking go.

I just fight them. I'll curl up a little fucking. But they actually know. No, he's Jiu-Jitsu. He's not a man. Don't start with karate with adults People to do wow I'll fuck with somebody with karate cuz I know they're gonna turn sideways and try to throw a kick that's not gonna work But a guy who takes to jitsu that's my that's my UFC is up them too much. No

He was cut pop cut. I fucked it up. No run. Wow Pat more. We already anyway Wow, he fucking called you suck doing his shit Well, I actually tweeted this I wanted it created quite an uproar on my TL What's TL time like? I can't If anybody likes it, you should be shot in the top five I wish Sandwich chains. Let me tell you something I if it was the if it was literally

1800s where we all had six you to zone right now I literally for T.L. I will shoot you foot I go ping What the fuck What the fuck? I'm a varnet! You cut to us a month later playing cards again and you slip it on the fucking RJ. Let's shoot the other foot. Five national sandwich franchises.

Jimmy John's. Number one is Jimmy John's? Hang on, stop. Okay, you're going from five up. National, like all over the world? Campy, like, DeAngelo, not in the conversation. Why? National San machines are more than you think.

Because I did this on Twitter once. I can name five right now. I became like a thing. Go ahead, name five. Blimpy, Jimmy John, Subway. Let's be fatty. Please, can you let Fatti whip these out? Sorry, sorry.

You got to see something. Step it up like you were quick. Liz really is just like, what? My fucking Aunt Peggy doing a podcast. No! Blimpies exist! That's real bad. That's so about to give us fucking comedy goals.

No, no. That guy goes blimpie, simpies, zappies and joes. He went to another place. That was good. God, I made that up. God. What do you got, what do you got, tits?

Tits, that's another good one. I got a tits all the time. Okay, what was your five? Maybe I can only get three. Blimpies subway. Yep. Jimmy John's. Yep. Yeah. Banes. Okay. Let's bang. That's not a very good one. Yeah. What are you talking about? We got a beans deli. If I haven't heard of it, it doesn't exist. That's not a very good one. Yeah, and why are you talking about that? We got a Bane's Deli. If I haven't heard of it, it doesn't exist. Never heard of it. Bane's Deli, plume is meeting more. Go check it out.

Flamest meeting. One more. National, national, national, and it is a national thing. This is the problem with Philly people. Yeah, they think everything they do is fucking national. Next, what else? This is another problem with Philly people.

They get mad when you call them Philly people. I'm not gonna share my research with you people now. How about that? What else? There's another problem for people. They get mad when you call them filipipi people. I'm not gonna share my wrist. We've all had a few people now. How about that? We've all had a, you know, a swathe before. We got swathe. We got one Rita's water ice

and you guys think you own the fucking. Rita's is good. Rita's is real. Fuck you dude. Get the fuck outta here. Let me tell you something. I went to listen. I'm gonna say, I went first,

well, go fuck that. I'll be on that right. I came to the wrong. So I have you beaked it. Then I've beaked it, there's steak tips. And'm gonna say I'm gonna first one go In a beef tips the steak tips and until you had one please shut your pile and I will give you one, okay? Here's a deal readers What is it? I just right? Yeah, I went the other day and you I think you get the custard get the custard the custard at reading buddy Listen to me. I don't know what the fuck that is. What is custard? Buddy, it's soft.

No, no, no, no, it's soft-served. Visual, it looks like soft-served. It's thicker. But when you take... Hey, yo, get this egg yolk, can't it? That's what makes your custard. But then you put it in the slushy, and you mix the red, Swedish fish slushy with the custard.

I don't mean my wife looked at each other like, what the fuck is this? And we bought one for our son and we were just dipping it. We were like, we'll get you another one. Just relax, don't cry. Shut up, let us have some. A slush, man, you look at your wife. You get the Swedish, you get the Swedish-faced flavored water rice.

I said, I love you. You get the Swedish-faced flavored water rice and the and the vanilla custard un-fucking believe Golden-nosed no joke called a misto no joke with that and I would love to fucking tell it nothing more than I love to tell a Nice Philly foodie to go fuck himself. Do you got to get wet whiz? I don't eat that. I don't eat that. You don't eat that. I get American cheese like a gentleman. What what what your favorites? Cheesecake. Well, place. Yes. I don't play with that either. I don't go to the you don't go to this. I like it. I like it. Every fucking every local pizza place makes an awesome. I love I like you. It's tough to fuck up a cheese. It is he's rehearsed

Him and the cat. This is a bit he's doing it all week He opens with this in filler With your cheese sticks Everything he'll be with this is fucking hard for Ah, yeah, for filly with cheese thing. I go. Let me tell you something Every sub shop has a good cheese I go, let me taste. Oh, every sub shop has a good cheese there. Yeah.

Cheese was... I would say Jimmy John's number five is one of them. That is the... That is the sandwich. The last time I was in shape was I was in Cleveland playing hilarities. They had a Jimmy John's across the street. I was eating solid, straight food, maybe two years.

I mean, just in shape. Jimmy John's broke you. I just got solid, straight for maybe two years. I mean, just in sh**. Jimmy John's broke you. I just got off a tour with Dane. I'm back on the road by myself now. Going from fucking, going from G5s to fucking, you know, zone five. Sure. Get out of here. Right? And I was hitting there like motherfucker, by myself on the road, and I went to a Jimmy Jones, I got a number five for the first time. This is years ago. Remember the number. Well that's the name of the sandwich.

That's the number, this name is the number same as, and it's basically an Italian on whole wheat, homemade holy shit. Yeah, they make great bread. And that's what I say anytime I get in the tank sub put oil on it And then when you like oh, that's a lot put more and then when you go this guy's fucking nuts. I want you to keep squeezing You get mayo too and then when you go like this I'm a serious you just go I go I go when you're like this guy squeeze a fucking lunatic. I want a couple more squeezes You get mayo on a two Bobbybobby. I can't I can't imagine

What the five dollar an hour guy at Jimmy John's thinks of you because you're coming and going Whatever you think Crazy I don't know you know me a lot First of all not all the mucons like you Okay, come on most of them are fucking down there with blue collar people. Didn't have mains as chile, maids, Ming-Pao Ping-Ping, right? So they actually like a guy like me coming in the nice blue collar guy, making a chuckle.

I appreciate it, they appreciate the honesty, and I put together, they don't want you coming in Cuntville who's taking a stock market break listen, number five on the side everything extra napkins and can you hurry it up because I have a business meeting. This guy's crazy. You go again. I'm gonna use that, that's a good one. That actually makes it shorter.

Go again, you go. You think when you go this guy's nuts? Yeah. Moor. Oh do you think I think you're, this guy's nuts? Yeah. Moa. Oh, do you think I think you're nuts? No one's ever not laughed at that. Jared, are you addressing on the side guy? No.

Throw it on. Come on. Throw it on. I'm doing it. I'm not a type of business. Hey, I gotta take my shirt off of a tub of a building and get a couple of. It's great.

I got a Instagram story to do. We got to type a bunch of shit you can't read because it's too quick. Top of the building and just hold it. That's all you gotta do. I didn't know. Yeah. Are you serious? I don't know. How do people get the all the other fun stuff that they use, too? I can't get that. The filters? Yeah, all the filters. Yeah, but they don't have, I don't have five, the basic ones.

I'll show you what to do. I've got you. I've got you, but hey, I've got you. Thank you, Jake. So listen, Jimmy John's number five. Jimmy John's number five broke me. Okay. I had that sub. I went back to my room in the afternoon when you should have it. Sure. So listen, Jimmy John's number five. Jimmy John's number five broke me. I had that sub, I went back to my room in the afternoon

when you should have it. Sure. I literally went back and got another one for the later that night. Yeah. And then the next day I went and got another one. I love the beach club. It's fucking great.

It's great. But you're rating it number one. You're saying it's a number one national champion. I'm saying Jimmy John's is probably my, if I was gonna go get a sandwich, that's the one I would get's a number one national. I'm saying I'm saying Jimmy John It's probably my if I had it if I was gonna go get a sandwich That's the one I would get on a national fucking food. I think Jersey Mike's is like Jersey Mike's doesn't put enough meat in it. Oh, they do not put enough meat It's there was not enough meat dealing with a suitcase. That's a massive

That's not gonna be enough. It's not enough meat. They put it like like looks like a lot of meat Quiz nose is bullshit. Oh, Quiz nose. It's too overpriced. Yeah, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they too much meat too, because sometimes it slides out. Yeah, I mean, I like a lot. I like it just enough meat, which I think of the five does. Bobby goes in and is like, you put meat on, you go like, this is crazy.

No, I don't like it. Put a little more. No, I don't like that. I don't like it. I don't like it. I want you to be like, this is the whole cow. Put a second cow.

If you live move, I want to live move. Move. I want to live. I want to move. I want to move. I want to quack. I want to move, I want to have And a click, click. I love that he feels this whole black hair. Yeah, good. I'm going to the mic. I'm going to the mic.

When I tell you the mic, keep it on. I actually do not like this. There's a sub shop they closed recently. Another place that was awesome when I went there the first time. Went back again, and it was a fucking nightmare. And and they wound up closing but they called it the godfather and it was this I'll open our to where I live okay, but here's a thing any sub called the god It was too much meat. Yeah, so it's like I wound up taking out half the fucking they're like oh, I don't want that Yeah, I want a perfectly made

Italian sub yeah what the taste together be able to put the whole thing your mouth yes yes exactly like a nice like a girl with a penis yes I don't want to problem with me find it actually the skin tag I enjoy your sub I had every move. Yeah. Sorry. Oh, you making disgusting things. No, I was one of the story you told in the car. Oh, yeah. I was moving on from that. That was in the car, dummy.

Keyword in the car. Fucking goddamn scalpel. Oh, and the car, the thing you don't want me to say. Yeah, I didn't car that thing. I can't ever forget it. I know this show is almost over when my bell buckle starts hurt. I hate that. I hate that. Jared has no idea what that's all about.

I know you touch. Sometimes the bell buckle digs into the underworld. Thank you, I really heard. He's got a moron. He had good schooling. He's got a whale on his tent. He has an ankle it. From his dad. When he graduated Jewish camp.

That's where we get. I got you my ankle. My father gave me an ankle and you have an ankle too. That old ankle tradition. That's yours, dude. It has your name on it with the start of David. The old Jewish ankle. I have a Jewish high.

Yeah. A big one. Right. Because my grandfather was like based little Italian looking. Oh, Jewish ankle. I have a Jewish high, a big one. Because my grandfather was like, based literally like Italian looking. Oh, really? So they would go like big medallion type thing. I really, and I have one that's like obnoxiously big. You got a word. And I toy with the idea, and I've been,

I just been putting off going to a place and getting a huge chain. Oh, please. And wearing it like a long style. Why would I? I do have a thought in my mind that would be a cool look from you need to do We just need to see that We need to see him on the roof shirtless with the

I want you with yeah with the hose just the chain Yeah, I'll listen. Oh my please I listen. I love a hose off. I love I hope one time when you do it you mistake the fucking ledge I have a fence on the porch and my neighbors like they're on the other side. They must think I'm You're not seeing the shoot you're not seeing the takes you're not seeing me going pop a JT here oh toad's

and like these people on the other side we're like what is this guy do every day one time I took a picture I did a photo shoot when I did Montreal I was gonna like I had this dream of having both the Canadian and American flag on each shoulder So I went out on the porch and I had to like hang up the camera like doing a timer So I'm going I'm coming to Canada and they're like they must be like why is he have all the flags? And then there's another port that's like across the way they must look at me me like there's a C. I'm on like the top of the C and then on the other side,

the gym looks directly towards my side. I was on the treadmill and I looked at this guy, we start talking and he goes, oh, where do you look? I go, I'm in the other apartment, and he goes, I just goes, yeah, I've seen you out there. And then he goes, looks like you're having fun. And I'm like, this guy. Oh, they know that they're gonna be on the board.

But there's people in the building that are like famous now. Like, there's like, Harlem's like a place people are moving. The girl from, one of the girls was in a Zez's show, Mastering on Hot Chick, and then another guy's on Broadway. Wait a minute. Are you saying that there's this bad section of like manhattan and

Rich people are moving there and making it gentrified I'm hoping I Ray every day. He's like in this fucking this shitty city cities in island And make you a fucking property value, go up your clock sucker. Who's gonna win again? I don't know man. Listen man, another Jew win.

It's so funny. You own your apartment? Yeah, it's funny when people ask me, they're like, how's the neighborhood? And that's when you really sound like a racist asshole. Cause you're like, cause I'll be like, yeah,

it's, you know, we're 10 years away. It's got a mayor. It's got a mayor. I gotta help you pray. I'm so excited. I'm gonna call for a town of life. I mean, me and my other friends, we're gonna move here. We're gonna take it over. We're gonna buy the building.

You're gonna make it our own. We're gonna slowly work our way from the top down to just living in the basement. And then one day they'll just be our fucking supers. There's so much hilarious shit that happens in this building because people are so afraid to talk about the reality of it. Right.

People feel bad about moving into it. Right. Like I'm the only one that's like, I see a church get knocked on, I'm like, fuck yes. Like I'm the only one. Why are you churned there? Because there's a church literally. Every, every, it's brownstone, brownstone. Yeah, back in the day, back in the day, up in the house.

So many churches. That's how they got, that was a money maker. Churches were money makers and it also gave people hope in a place to go and It was really big people don't go to churches much anymore and the land is worth a lot of money Yeah, it was worth a lot of money. Yeah, so they just fuck and they you know Just a lot of up and see him on his fucking porch with a shirt off With binoculars calculator my building has a church in it. That was part of the deal.

Wow. They were like, if you're gonna have the building here, they worked out a deal. This is all these, yeah. What do you guys do with the church throw parties and shit like that? No, the parties are in check-tree. They're my place.

Host parties. Yeah, host parties. Him and one fucking girl that's sleeping. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Honey, I'll be right back. Unsatisfied woman. Where are you going? party him and one fucking girl that's sleeping honey I'll be right back and satisfied woman where you going I'll be right back I gotta go out hey what's up it's osentime wait I gotta do that again it's homesing time she comes out do you want coffee shut up I'm tired I just that is very real what you just did because that's happened

Wow, I'm doing this sex and the city thing If I had if I was hot Bobby I'd be sitting there going Jack we should do a thing together We both host each other off. We do a host thing. We do a host thing What's up? Mateo wants me to do drag race with home. We want to watch it together. You should. And I do think it's a great idea. It's a great idea, but shirtless.

Absolutely. He's always shirtless. I'm a tail is always shirt. That's how it wants the bachelor. I mean, you should do it. We should watch a fucking cooking show together. It's a shirtless. There are different shepherds and dives.

There are those shirts on. I mean, rubbing blue cheese on ourselves. The funniest part is thatbons and dives. Yeah, there's a shirt song. I mean, rubbing blue cheese on ourselves. The funniest part, the funniest part is that until you got the blue cheese, I was like, I see it. Yeah, I was like, this is great. Yeah, me shirtless. I wouldn't have put hot sauce on it. I wouldn't have done it. Do you know Guy Fieri doesn't eat eggs? What? What? He hates eggs. He doesn't eat eggs. And all those sandwiches, look it up. He doesn't eat eggs. What? What? What? He hates eggs. He doesn't eat eggs. And all those sandwiches, look it up. He doesn't, he'll be like, take the egg off.

He's a fucking... So he'll go and get like their thing. And if their thing involves an egg, they'll change it. He won't have it. But he like, he'll eat things made with eggs and like, he's not like allergic. He just hates eggs. Like Friday. Why does Guy Fieri hate eggs so much? What the fuck? Mike's gonna read it, hopefully. And then just get not like allergic. He just hates it Friday. Why does guy very hate eggs so much? What the fuck

Mike's gonna read it hopefully and then just get back to us and then get back to everyone's in a while He eats eggs. Yeah, it's fucking We watch a while my buddy Andrew Zimmerman. He was on the show in Minneapolis Andrew Zimmer and they put a raw egg on the pizza and he said come on All right hard-boiled and scrambled that's just not the way I like the party I like that every explanation is I just don't party that way. I'm rolling out of the eggs. He doesn't eat raw eggs.

Flambertown. Don't have eggs for me. He has a restaurant right next to the Comedy Cellar at the Rio. Guy. Guy, yeah. And it's called garbage pale nachos. Yeah. Holy shit. They're in like they're in this huge tin can yeah, and they're like stacked in this can And then they come and lift the can up and they all like oh my god. Do you see crazy shit in Vegas?

Yeah, one second one second. There's craziness. Excuse me one second Hello rich vassier on the YKWD live. You're doing a podcast or 10 to 12? Yeah we're wrapping it up very shortly but yeah we're doing an emergency podcast. What's the emergency? What are you eating? Let me finish my nuts. Of course. Who's there? What do you have to fucking truck stop? All right, well, he's in Atlantic City.

The hot bomb. And that's not. I got J-Train. I got Foley. Sorry. B Foley. B. Why?

Foley. The guy from Philly, one of the fat guys from Philly. No, I'm kidding. Why are you chubby? No. I didn't mind it. All right. Thanks. uh... what uh... the guy from philly one of the fact i should be in the market uh... why you don't have a minute uh... liars is here mushy mic and uh... and uh... uh... uh... what you think of uh... my god from right now that was rough

rough and i love him is my favorite jack up jack from where just shot up and speak what are you gonna know everything you my mother? I Like to know who was there. I mean if Jay train is your She That means it isn't a Merit that means it is an emergency Right on time the whole podcast is an emergency. Yeah, that means he's all I could get that was an emergency

No, Jay train kills it what's that jay jay train kills every time he's on my show i'm about and first of all i wish his name was jay and track and it was in f**king t-shirt a wash that's such a deep poll boss that was such a little story a long time i heard you hosted the other

night do you want any time oh my god it was amazing where the host here he's like go what do i do to just go right up was like what they said they said they said they asked you want me to give you some tips on hosting for the next time uh... let me explain something go ahead go ahead boss and i'm listening

right back from the headlining the pergata headliner's it's a i think that's what that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that everybody does 20 he did it last week I know but I went last time Oh god I told you to now, freight train Don't fucking turn on me you clock sucker I'm the only one on your side Okay listen I'll fight that whole fucker No

Why are you fighting people? Because they're not nice people At least there's nothing like more than seeing a comic cake why you fighting people because because they're not nice people there's nothing like more than seeing a comic take it in the fucking jet first of all there's nothing that any comic likes more than a comic take it a hot one on stage so fuck you let me tell you something if you if you knew I was taking a hot one on stage you'd be in the fucking hallway just smiling. Yes.

But I wouldn't come down there with Keith and shit and growin' on each side of the world. Hey, we're not eating. That was the best thing I'd ever seen. We're explaining that. When he went on, he went on after Nikki Glazer one night and murdered. Just murdered. Will me and Keith went over there.

I was on one side of the room. Keith and then we just went, aww. Every day we'd say, and they literally, the room was so hot and literally changed the room. They perpetuated one of the most amazing bombs I've ever seen in my life. The crowd turned like sheep and just And he wasn't even that dirty. Yeah, of course. And he was really

Fight was really one. One guy in the back of the room was like, what's going on? I heard one girl go Jesus Christ. It was amazing and i started off very strong was going really well and then when they grow and i go the goal before me was to have a fucking snack for 10 minutes and you didn't have any problem with it alright

but he couldn't and Bobby when they're growing the audience and know they were comics oh it was amazing so So they go, do you have an audience member so the audience goes, well, they're groaning. We should be groaning. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Did you explain the philosophy behind what we were doing? This is so exciting. The audience is dumb. Yeah. Well, you're right. They're dumb.

JR fucking dumb. how was your show tonight well as a headliner when i was uh... it was packed uh... i've never seen so many senior citizens in one fucking row as as last night

a guy in the front row was sleeping. I was sleeping. I don't want to wake them up. You don't want to wake them up. He's old. I mean it was a great crowd. All week the crowds were great. I mean it hit you to 20 fucking minutes. It's't. It's a sweet girl. It's 20 minutes. Right. I was on stage once there and there was a do in my whole set. I just kept hearing. Boom, boom, boom, boom. And I thought it was an alarm going off and I came off say I go,

what the fuck's going on there? Like they were parking their carts. Yep. Oh God. There was enough carts that had to be parked. Oh my God. It's all you can hear. It sounds depressing, boss. What do you mean?

They're scooters. Yes. They're backing them in. But it's not the noise that you make train when you pull into the Well, it is one of my bits, but Did you call me did you call me because you're bored? Yeah, 100% he's driving home idle chatter. Yeah Yeah Yeah, I said well Bobby's friends are vacation. Yeah, and then my friend takes back. Oh, yeah I'll be back next week right just feels like an off-show conversation You guys buying drugs So we're getting subject

Listen, what's the GM with the 76ers? You know bosses Boss usually yeah, I'm gonna end this conversation because it we're literally boring the whole fucking room Where where are you to where are you tomorrow His phone his thumb was faster the minor So much smaller than mine too I fast in the mind. That's a quick exit. So much smaller than mine too. I will just check it out, man. This has been a fucking epic one. We never really talked about Roseanne.

I always should have. Getting fired. Yeah, man. I mean, is it? I don't know. I know, it's funny. Well, you know it's so funny that she said that she didn't even know the lady was black.

That's a lie. I don't think so at all. You don't think That's a lie. I don't think so at all. You don't think that's a lie? I don't think. Bring up the lady. She also said she was on, and there was a chakering, sorry. She was on Ambient.

Well, she is on Ambient, and she's probably hasn't worked like this in years. She's probably on Ambient and what I love. Why is she even tweaking? And then Ambient, Ambient responded, yeah, Ambient doesn't make you racist. Yeah, Ambient, but Ambient does, I. Yeah, ambian doesn't make you racist. Yeah, yeah, ambian But ambian does I like that one thing ambian fucks you up

So ambian should shut the fuck up because I know a lot of people that took ambian and wind up doing a lot of weird shit every time I've come quick ambian Every time That's a job there. I mean here ladies who have fuck me Well ambian ambian Bring up the lady. I mean, here, ladies who have fucked me. Ambient. Ambient. Bring up the lady.

I want the lady. Jarrett. Bring up the, yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Jarrett. Yeah. Her name's Jarrett. Her last name's Jarrett.

Is it really? Yeah. With a T. Two T's. See, I don't even know what joke I can make right now. Can I say something now? If she says look, I didn't even know she was, I didn't even know she was black. I just thought she looked like the lady from the plan of the apes. Okay. Well, she could be Jewish. She could be an old Jew, an old Yanta.

I got to say, and I don't mean this from like, I know this is how this sounds, but like the plan of the apes, you know, comparison, not doing with race, just the the outlaw, you know, it kind of has a merit here. Well, because if you're as in most serious way, I don't mean that I hope that doesn't sound what I'm saying loose. I snapchats. I'm careful, but I'm saying, like, you know how the mass and planet is a lot of fun. You're not sitting here going, I don't know how she got there. Not at all.

If she says, I wasn't doing it because she was black, I was doing it because I think she's a Muslim extremist, whatever, and look, here's the thing though, she shouldn't, you shouldn't even, as when you're that big in the business, you should be off a Twitter Yeah, well would in Samantha B though today or yesterday called Ivanka Trump a cunt I don't get that she she called her a cunt Well, it's nothing happened. No you called the president's daughter a fucking cunt Freckles cunt

Okay, yeah a Freckles cunt on national tv with nothing and nobody said she's getting she's getting shit for it she's not getting her immediate fucking dismissal from life but she wasn't was a race related it wasn't it wasn't a was a call to woman a fucking freckle cunt they say that all the time in England okay i gotta say i didn't even know she was i can't tell that she's black.

Well, I don't think it's right. You should never, look at man, look at, what she said was fucked up, and wandered left the show because that's wandered his friend. Wait, what Roseanne said, what was fucked up? Yeah, that was fucking racist all the way through. I don't think she should've lost it. No, fuck you.

I'm telling you. Dude, I came in here being like, I came in here being like Rosanna's a fucking idiot. Why would she fucking tweet anything? And now this story gets a lot more gray when I see the pictures. I gotta say. Listen, I'm saying this though, but if you don't think, if you're like, I don't even know she's black. Where'd she get this? But if you're, if you're, if you don't know she's black and you're not coming from a, I don't, I didn't know she was black. I thought she was Jewish. I thought she was an old Jewish lady or whatever the fuck

she was. She just looked like this. I was making as a comic, blah, blah, blah. You know, the comparison, she looks like that, if it's not racist to you, it takes, if you're not doing it from, she should have been more specific with the reference. She shouldn't have said the fucking dumb joke.

Of course. Being that big on Twitter. You should just keep your mouth shut. Dan Goodman today, they were like, what do you think to get his comments? And he was like, I don't want to get us in any more trouble. Who's Dan Goodman? John. John Goodman. John Goodman. John Goodman. I'm going to say good. Dan Goodman. Jimmy John. That's my lawyer. Well, the video is Jared. When I that from John go stop on second why did this just stop? Yeah analyzing why is it analyzing that's always great fucking hour 14

I'm still catching the audio here though. Are you still catching it? Yeah, okay? Yeah, good But I John goodman didn't I thought he was gonna be like it's despicable It's horrible and he didn't do that and then now I'm like and when I thought he was gonna be like, it's despicable, it's horrible. And he didn't do that. And then now, I'm like, and when I saw that article, I was like, that's weird that John Goodman wasn't like, all the automatically against it. Yeah. I'm kinda, you know, there's great, all these things.

She said that, you know, she said to this too, she goes, I don't, please don't attack ABC, they had to do what they had to do. Please don't attack these people. I said it, I fucked up. Yeah, oh, the chown. She said, I apologize. The thing that's really fucking kill me as a dicholomy racist of course and then of course her ex-husband what's his name?

Coming out fuck you. Oh, he's saying saying oh she said worse shit. Yeah, you probably did Two motherfucker. Well, he's doing Rogan's podcast, right? Huh? Oh, Zanna? I hope so. Yeah, she's doing... Here's the thing. Here's the thing. You... Why can't you fuck up?

Why... I don't understand why you can't fuck up. As a comedian and then go, I fuck a... I'm sorry. I'm making ABC. I'm sorry. I'm $64 million. I'm sorry.

A lot of people lost their job. But why? But she said I'm sorry. I fucked up I acknowledged it. I didn't know it wasn't coming from a racist place I just said I fucked up though. I shouldn't have done it and why can't we go all right? Cool, we we we know what what we got it? You got a fucking asterisk next to you name, yeah, and we're watching you, but you said sorry. Because that's gonna make more people go, shit yeah, that was fun.

Well, yeah, here's the reason. We're all on a race to look as good as possible. We don't want to be on the side of wrong. A race. We are a foot race. A foot race to be on the right side of right. And you can see it where people just keep going. No, it's gonna win that race.

But it was a foot race. I mean, they always win. So it is. Maybe she just bizzavari wrong people. We don't know what it's like to work with their onset. If you say, like, that's not Anthony got it. Your eyes should not be the same color as your cheeks. Nope, they shouldn't.

I should probably have more of a question. It should be a little definition. See, if you think of banana. If it was an ant to just touch that out, she wouldn't have been fired. uh... uh... see the banana uh... but you maybe on set she's hard to work with maybe at some point behind closed or she said

fuck the president of the city maybe she said some shit like that and that's why somebody was looking to well we can't go into the nabies we know one thing we know what the air but that he was a fuck it

but date but date listen the left the left did not like her being oh you know i have a lot of their they did not like her being the representative of women of the number one show on tv with a strong female lead they didn't want her to be the one to do it like this let's be honest they did it they didn't like this let's be honest

they did not they did not like it right but it was it was it she she she she leans right i guess but i have to go to very very balanced it was very balanced written really well who at the uh... we need and those in all the one on it yeah it was very balanced one came out and told all of the Boston Garden to go fuck themselves.

But they but the right. But the right. But the right. Yeah, the writing on the show. She wasn't a writer on the show. She was in the I was like for her to be involved. It means that there's voices there to represent all sides. Yeah. And we isn't that what you want,

but some people don't want that. They don't want to see all sides. And is that what you want, but some people don't want that. They don't want to see all sides. I was a fan of the show. I tell you, I like the show a lot because it really, I, you know, some people, they didn't, they had a black daughter in the show, a black wife, though she was in the military. They had a trans kid.

It's a lot of voices that you don't see on TV a lot. Man, they really, and then you have the husband and wife but the reason why they're relatable is because you know look they were you know she was an over-drive they didn't have money she was hurting she was addicted to pills and money it was a great show because it hit all the reason why

eighteen million people twenty three million people watch it because that who most of this country is As that family 100% and it's not the the fucking coasts It's not the coast and it's not this fucking But no one everyone's going online right now the people want to sound they want to wave a flag You want to sound critical like the least racist. How can it look? It is it's typically everything lives in gray if you can't come out so immediate and dramatic too It's like you took everything away. They had to why because what do you mean?

They had to why can't you for a second as a corporation like that? I'm saying but why can't you just back? Your your your person that you fucking just pause for a second and let it play out and let somebody evolve emotionally in front of us. Let them put it in the show. Let's see it really play out. Let her say I'm sorry. Let her go on TV and go look I fucked up. I really I swear to God I didn't know she was black. I'm sorry let her go on TV and go look I fucked up. I really I swear to God I didn't know she was black. I'm telling you the truth

Yeah, and let once you tell people that people like I get it. Maybe you know, maybe I get it I got a question would you bang her? At the same time like as they were apologize Middle there. They're squawking at each other. You get in the middle. I am she looks great now I'd love to fuck where I'm what I fuck Rose and yeah, no what about John Goodman I'm not gonna fuck Rose and makes we love to no I wouldn't fuck anybody on that show No, I wouldn't fuck anybody on that show One person fucking raises a fucking freckle on my pack look at that nothing

Not one person you'd say is it the least sexy show on TV history? Oh my god, I would fuck the whole cast of modern family Before I fuck anybody on rose cam your fucking cam. Oh cams. I'm fucking licking that Is there is there a golden girl you would have got to? Oh, all of them. I would want to the old one first. Of course, Delgetti. I would have put their fucking pits up like fried eggs. I would have fucked every single golden girl. Yeah. I thought it would be Arthur with sex. I would have fucked them all on the sun porch on that fucking wicker furniture. Just smell them mothballs and fucking juice. I love watching that show. Oh, it's the best.

I tell you, Roseanne, I was, I watched every episode and I am thoroughly fucking bummed out. It was the funniest thing on TV. It was Norman Lear funny. It made you at the end go, fuck man. I'm so happy about this. I relate to this. This is so great. And they they fucked up by they fucked up by ending the show because this shit what she did is what all people go through. Well, they say I don't want her to. I'm not my favorite. People say racist shit and people fuck up with race and to just kill somebody

Yeah, and fuck them within an hour within an hour. Fuck them. You're you're you're I think I think you're just losing an opportunity Also, that's why did you piss somebody off? It was so quick. They didn't want to give her a chance The world she was friends with Michelle Obama. You think Michelle didn't call somebody. It was like fuck this bitch Get her out there the world did not lose a racist because this show got canceled Anything again to raise you know, you know, this isn't a conversation It's actually you're making people go fuck them fuck the left the other side every side sucks It's yeah every side fuck the left you're making the right the far right go see and the far left go see and all of us in the middle Which is the majority?

Yes, I believe are like what the fuck is going on? We're all quietly saying that because why look like bad people like how afraid I got of being like I kind of you know like you know like just we're looking at the pictures of the woman right now If all of us can't say that you don't for for if you didn't, I didn't know she, she doesn't look black to me. Like, we're all afraid to say that, okay, if she didn't know, then there's kind of a, you know, the reference makes some sense.

If I didn't, if I didn't know she was black at all, and I just saw the reference, I'd be like, that's fucking, what was she crazy? I mean, look, I don't even like that, what I don't like is the name, the fucking calling, like herding, saying mean shit about some politician. I mean, that's just stupid. It's just like all these comics need to stop, even her.

Stop saying mean shit to fuck them and fuck their face. And she's a con, and she looks like a father. At least do a joke for her. I mean. Do it funny. Be funny about it. It's not even a funny joke. Yeah. Make it like but but she looks like this and that. That's like an old fucking stupid thing. So I don't even so and so had a baby with so and so. Yeah. I just think that I just think you should they should have fucking pause. Now they're like oh we're gonna give the rest of the cast of Rosanne a show. It's like, go ahead. It's not gonna work because Roseanne was the

meat and potatoes. The reason why it worked 20 years ago is because of her. The reason why it worked now is because of her. And you know what? There's people like her, more people like her and that family than there is. Yeah. these highfalutin rich mother fuckers who want shit gone. You know what I mean? That's true. You should have, ABC, I think they should have just paused. You don't see it from the other side though,

people that might have felt marginalized by that, that it was race. A race-based comment. I absolutely do. And if you say, well, that's some race to shit, man, you can't say that. I'm, listen, I say was race. A race based comment. I absolutely do. And if you say, well, that's some racist shit, man, you can't say that. I'm so, listen, I say some racist shit, right? And then I go, I fucked up.

I didn't mean it. I was trying to be funny. I didn't know she was black. I wasn't coming from, she's a black person. I call her an ape. I didn't know that. I'm sorry. I really didn't know that.

I can't. So as a black person or somebody of color, if somebody comes to you and says that, I don't think you can put yourself in that position. I can't because I'm not black, but you're asking me to. So I did. So don't ask me to put myself in that position and then say you can't put yourself in that position.

No, I wasn't actually putting yourself in that position. I was actually just to relate to it. But I'm saying, though, can't somebody yourself in that position. No, I wasn't actually putting yourself in this position. I was actually just to relate to it. But I, but, but, but, but, but I'm, but I'm, I'm, I'm saying, I'm saying, though, can't somebody say I'm sorry? Can't somebody admit their wrong? And can't somebody try to explain to you what they meant? And can't you go, and can you as a race or as a people or as all of us as one human being that maybe got offended at that?

A fucked up I go, all right, listen, I understand. I understand. Don't you want a fucking clue-clux clan guy to change his ways? Don't you want a racist who hated black people in Jews? To one day go, I was an idiot. I'm so sorry. And cook me dinner.

I'm sorry. You know what, why? Why are they cooking the dinner? He's a Jew. I don't know what I'm saying. You know what I Jews, but they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I get why it's so offensive. She did though and that's what she say. She's not she's not I'm working on that. She's not saying she's not going fuck fuck you if she's saying I'm not a racist. That's the part that sucks about this. I did fuck up. I shouldn't eroute that I fucked up. Yeah. Don't this she's saying don't don't go after ABC. Yeah, don't fuck with them and there are other shows in my castmates. No, it's my fault.

Please, but don't call me a racist because I'm not a ray. And now, you know, everybody's like, oh, really man? So you as a comic, you make a fucking, a fucked up joke. You take you, you go there and fuck it. No judge, no jury, no nothing gone. Fuck you. Goodbye. You're gone.

Really? Is that what you used to be this? I'm asking you. No, no, no, I don't think that. But I just think that, wait, say it again. Look, are you hungry? Like a comic wouldn't, wouldn't, what the fuck?

Yeah, don't paint me out like that. Like I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like't paint me out like that. You have to show like I'm not. But the president of a network would. Because the president of networks, I'm not going to get fired. First of all, the president of network is black. Thank God for Mike. The president of network is a black woman.

So I can understand her immediately going fuck this. But I can also understand we don't. That's what I'm saying. I can understand. I can understand what I'm going. I'm out. Fuck you. That's my number one.

I'm black. Number one, that's my best friend, one of my good friends. I understand that. I get all that, but I just don't understand the fucking immediate, just fucking beheading of somebody and throwing him in the firing, burning them. That was a racist comment. Yeah, the firing is a racist comment, but when you listen

to the explanation, if you understand that some, if you have, if you, if you believe Roseanne, which I do, I do, I believe her. I do. I'm okay. It's not about the truth, Bob. But if you believe her and she says, I didn't know she was black, is it still a racist comment? No, but I thought that's what that's what the idea narrative though my no one's talking to you i'm kidding like that that that that that that that that that that that that the people who fired her covering the rest of people who make it a big deal the internet they just want the attention from it but buddy what are you saying

that it's not about who what that's what she did wrong it's about what people want from it that's but that's what i out that you're stating the obvious yeah I just and that's the obvious Michael I'm saying for that's the fucking problem yeah you should be able to say sorry discourse you should be able to fuck it and I think that's the first to say because it doesn't affect us it does affect you it does affect you as it doesn't affect you the way as a comedian motherfucker. It's going to affect you Every time a comic is fucking taken out for fucking up on a joke Is going to affect you and then the next people so that you can't fucking be edgy

You can't say this you can make fun of this this and this but don't say that Don't even venture down that road Don't talk about racism at all if you're a white guy. You can't even go down there and talk like that because you're petrified to have somebody take away something that doesn't exist for you. He's scared. He said something on here and he's fucking scared

that on my shitty podcast, something might happen. He's a racist. Everybody, oh no. I want to talk about you, it's Dallas and Weren Wren. You're asking me to back up my points. I was just throwing that out there. Something my You're asking me to back up my points. I was just throwing it out there I think it does affect us all when I get that it does affect us I feel like that like I'm not in defense of comedy You know You don't like comics, you know, you hate comedy. You hate comedy.

We're seeing Foley at Clean Comedy this week. Everybody go to Brooklyn and see him safe spaces. I haven't been to Brooklyn. Go watch him tell you what people are. Well, there's shows in Brooklyn. And I'm not saying that. There's shows in Brooklyn that they have a list of things you can't talk about.

No way, really? Foley, it's already happening. They're doing shows. I don't think this is the same thing. Buddy, listen to me. It's a byproduct of it. They're doing shows. We were on the same side.

Look it, let me taste something. One of the funniest jokes ever have ever heard. Funny jokes have ever heard in my life. Of course. Hang on, you don't even know it yet. So don't say it, of course. What you thought I was thinking, what you just said was the same.

I appreciate the government, Bobby. But let's stay on board here. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board.

Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board.

Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board. Day on board horse. People don't shoe horses anymore. Milk's a cow. People don't milk cows. They go to a store and get a gallon of milk. Now it's how to get a hook of pregnant, kick her in the belly down to fly to stairs and blame it on the colors. People don't blame shit on the colors anymore. The place exploded. I've never seen somebody laugh. The whole place where what the fuck it black night everybody laughed every black comic it was funny it was hilarious it's a joke

but i think the twitter takes away the intent i think that's a big thing too and the tone because like david tell says that in a room full of black people and it's like the intent is i came here to make you laugh right and i'm saying you see my face, you see it's not hateful. Roseanne makes that comment. And there's no tone. There's no intent. And what you're saying is that we're taking away the whole premise that she came from a place of non-racism. Right. And that's scary that you could write, say something that's

a little go, well, it sounded like this to me. So you should lose your whole life. Everything. Everything. Somebody. ABC and that from ABC but ABC and everybody and this woman and Rosanne should have had a chance to go look whoa stop yeah I shouldn't have said it I fucked up I didn't know she was black you know what and you know what it doesn't matter I still fucked up I didn't know she was black. You know what? And you know what? It doesn't matter. I still fucked up. I shouldn't be I shouldn't be saying this shit about this person. I don't know her. I learned a lesson. And somebody instead of going fuck her, fuck her and everybody splitting down the middle and I could be wrong. But instead of everybody splitting down the middle and saying, fuck damn or fuck Roseanne, we would all watch somebody evolve emotionally in front of us and we would we could actually double down in the next week.

Yeah, you were on the subject. You watched the story happen instead of trying to create the story yourself. We could have what we could have actually came together on something and went, oh, that was nice. Roseanne, apologize and up and the right, the far right and the far left wouldn't have anything to feed on. It would be us in the middle who was a majority, I believe. And we would be like, Oh, good for you, ABC. And you know what? Roseanne, good for you for not fucking doing that shit anymore.

Cause you shouldn't. You don't know that lady. And now the fucking trolls, the shit people, you're being a troll when you do that. I think when you go and ask, she looks like this and that, you're being a troll. Yeah, you're the fuck up. She's being an asshole. You have a fucking hit show.

Yeah. You should be teaching people to be better. I could read in lines. I think, but I don't know. I'm sad. I hope that somebody else picks the show up because the show was really doing good for the country because as a racist, you can't watch that show and be happy. You know, as a left-wing liberal, left-fire left, you can't watch that show and be happy. Only in the

middle. But as the as the fucking majority of us who don't have a million fucking gazillion dollars. Jerry. Wow. That's not. Nothing. He's got a trust you. And that's dwindling.

He's got to hit. You know, shirts. But, uh, hand me down. Yeah, you get your shirts. So yeah, you, I just think that, you you know I don't like where my position is in this whole thing. I'm like I'm like that. I'm such a left wing nut I'm not being a left wing nut Fally wants to get booked and broke Show on ABC

You want to be Dance game be falling in dance dance dance you're the new rose in dance over here she transitions that gives you dance into bears be foley's the new b-offer all right Lizzie we're gonna wrap this up what this is a fucking great episode dude fun fun always to leave like an hour and a half I love you up. What, this is a fucking great episode, dude. Fun, fun. Always. I love you, man.

I love you, man. Fucking good show. This is a fun one, man. All right, so let's go fully. Be fully, you're the fucking. Thanks for coming on. I've always, H-Folly, whatever. Why 20 minutes. I love you on the show, man. I've seen you on a bunch of stuff too, acting wise over the last couple years.

Great actor. Thanks, man. Really good, dude. Thank you. You know, when I see people, I'm like, oh shit. And I was like, oh, he's fucking great. Really enjoyed the shit you did. Thank you, man.

So let's go to his website. What show is you got coming up? I got a movie coming out that I'm in on that settle down. What's the final Set it up Netflix June 15th that comes out on last little scene. What is it? Romana comedy with Zoe Deutsche digs and Lucy Lou Nice Senate and Oh Nice Leonard is in it and what's this beat Davis don't bring it up to eat it right back up No, what's what's you on a TV show towards a TV show I saw you on

Did Gotham did the Gaffer can show iron fist? And got them was a great show. I saw you on that. Yeah, it was good. He's great. He's a great actor. We should do something together Okay, all right Not you He's a great actor. We should do something together. Okay. All right. Well, not you. I'm not. I'm senior actor. I'm kidding. You're great actor.

That is interesting. Yeah. I got that coming out and June 17th, I'll be at Yonkers Comedy Club with my partner, Kevin Ryan. Great club. Yeah. And then we're at five minutes from my house. Oh really?

Yeah. Well, come by. I have a beef tip. I might come by. Okay. Oh, you want five minutes from my house. Oh really? Yeah, come by have a beef tip. I might come by Okay, oh you want to come by my house? What is it? June 17th we're there. Yeah, I'm not home Yeah, then I got June 21st. I'm down to Trappocanity Atlantic City Comedy Club with Kevin They were doing two shows the Philly comedy club to 20 seconds. Oh good. And he got the hard feelings podcast How's family? I'll check it out. It's just you too. It's me and Kevin. Yeah. Awesome. I will come back on again. I appreciate it. I'm absolutely doing you fucking every time you're on. I mean, not all the filly guys. Oh, be full. Yeah. No, I don't have any of the black guys.

No, the one. Just had temple on two weeks. I'm kidding. It was a joke. That's why people get fired. It was a joke. I love it. So you're not your painting me this. All the black guys are way funnier than you one guys. Right. J. Tray, what do you got besides a fucking overall

sweatpants? I. Sweatpants overall. That's the great fantastic. That's the great fantastic.co. You can get those sweatpants overalls anytime you like. They're great, I have a pair. The great fantastic. They have triple X. We can get your pair. overalls anytime you like they're great I have a pair the great fantastic they have triple X

that we can get you pair yeah I'm gonna look like a fat lesbian in those you're in I want to I mean like a lesbian farm I now need to see that they'll get them I'll put them on I'll wear I'll wear a new we have new summer weight I will I will wear them okay I'll wear them on your fucking podcast done I done yeah I'm gonna I got J train podcast or the you up podcast both of those Find them where you find your and I'm all at Jared Fried if you want to see me host myself off on Instagram Follow him on Instagram. I love it and then Infuriating and amazing toads Prish and

I'm gonna be The seller Vegas, 20th through 25th, CC social, 25th electric, I'm gonna be in Philly at the punchline, the 27th and 29th, nice. They gave me that hot, every other day special. I've got Philly punchlines, great club.

Yeah, I'm doing a podcast on the 27th and I'm doing a standup show on the 29th Are you in Montreal this year? No, fuck no Montreal. I'm gonna be in Atlanta, July 14th at the laughing score lounge and I'm excited. We're doing a live podcast And then I'm busy. I'm getting biz. That's what's up. That's right I'm gonna be in San Antonio with Mike, first week of August, first week of August. Oh shit.

Right. And then I'm gonna be Charlotte, the 15. I really, this is what happens with this. Oh, sorry, too much. These are ones that are gonna make me mind this. They're gonna forget everything. Oh, okay. So what you wanna do,

and what you wanna do, this is what I've learned, is to get this. It's not on your website. Liz, shut your face. Where's that comes out tomorrow? Listen to me, listen to me. What you wanna to do this I've learned is you get that on your website list Where's that comes out tomorrow listen to me? What you want to do is this you get the big ones that you really want people That's the one you do Yeah, and then you go go to my website. I'm gonna be and then you go I'm gonna be in Realama I'm gonna be it and let down gonna be it. Yeah, blah blah blah. Thank you do that when you start doing all these days

People like where where when? Okay, let me do it again. I mentioned it. I mentioned it. Just go to it once your website. Just go to at Jared Fried on Instagram. At Jared Fried on Instagram. And where is your Philly?

When's your Philly date? June 27th, 29th of the Pongsala. Go there, check him out. Come on. Fucking hilarious comic. So it's great guy and great podcast and Instagrammer. Lizzie, comedy seller. Comedy seller, biggest.

Yes. $25 tickets, CC social, the promo code. There's so many good shows coming up. So many. And then we might have a really great headliner coming in July. Big stuff. Big stuff.

Big. Big. Big. Big. Nice. If I can get my fingernails in there and can do that. Big, big, big. Let's do it. But I'm working on it.

I'm working on it. We're working on some big stuff. And the longest. And the longest. Well, the end of August, me, Voss, Verzy, and Robinson. Yeah. That's a big show. Yeah.

What a crew. All right. That's in Vegas. So gay and fucking tickets man for that show. Yeah, because these promo codes will not last. Creeps the kids all this 14th. At the village underground. Get them now. Is it on the site? Yep.

ComedySella.com. Let's read these dates. Here we go. Tomorrow night, it's already past. If you listen live, it's at Westbury. Next week, I'm at McCurdy's in Sarasota. I'm in Sarasota. I'm at Burlington, Vermont at the Vermont comedy club. I'm at the pussycat. I'm at the laughing skull in Atlanta. All that's all in June. I'm

at a cap city in June and then I'm also going to Montreal. I'm fucking murdering it. I'm there from the 18th to the 29th hosting the nasty show. So get your tickets at ha ha ha.com and go to roba Kelly live.com. Make sure that you, if you're a fan of mine, go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly and become a real fan. Become a dude. Become a member of my Patreon page. Live from the shed is up there.

Ron Bennington. I got Matt Sarah, the great Matt Sarah hilarious. Oh my God. Interesting guy and Colin Quinn live from the shed is up there. Ron Bennington, I got Matt Sarah, the great Matt Sarah hilarious. Oh my God, interesting guy and Colin Quinn, live from the Shed is up there. This podcast goes up there early every week. And you get one on one. I got a one on one with Liz going up there very soon. That's going up that we did in my car. And they're only for Patreon members, only only for my channel members my fans So if you're a member of the Lipson thing change it get off go over to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly Become a member right now. It's a cup of coffee and you get a shitload of content from me every month for my fans and then

What else we got we got and that's it? So you guys are the best best i hope you like this podcast it is uh... you know what to do you know what the will see you next week wait wait mike uh... we had a lot in the uh... he went like that i'm a saturday like that there's got a spot is a good to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go

last week of august i'll be headlining the improv in san Antonio so that's the big one and that and he's got spots in New York. He started kicking. He killed it last night. Great job. Zach, what do you got? Zach the new guy. He is Zach the new guy.

God, I love it. You know what, dude? podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. You