Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - All American Jew

Episode Date: March 2, 2015

Joe List guest hosts YKWD along with Sam Morril, Greg Warren, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Y qué es lo que es? En la network riotcast.com. ¡Vamos a ver, vamos a ver. A la primera encuesta de la plana.

¡Era! No es la trying a ser como un caminete. To the funniest podcast on the planet Earth I was trying to keep it like a comic head I have a lot of you guys on It's just us sitting down And sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's intense It's Robert Kelly You know what? No topics, no directions

But I love doing it I got to look at my teeth. Oh I gotta look at my teeth. I hate that there's a monitor here. I can see myself horrible Bobby loves it Oh look at my look horrible horrible teeth. They're crooked and yellow and gay and slimy and Covered in semen welcome to the show everybody and covered in semen. Welcome to the show everybody. You've got yourselves a special guest host this week by popular demand. Robert Kelly is out. Joe List is in and folks, we got some good news for you.

I have a, this monitor, we might have to put a t-shirt over this. All right, I had forehead, bad teeth. I hate myself. Well folks, Robert Kelly is off to a rubah. Can I say that? We'd love to say where he's at. Bobby is off to a rubah can i say that we'd like to say what is that bobby is off to a rubah with a rubah ray

elin a rubah gay we call them sometimes the coxman yes and you love a rubah ray what i'll water out of his sorry christopo is giving me the cut sign and he i don't know if you're talking to dumb sam Orill. Well, why don't I go across the... Well, first of all, Robert Kelly is off to Aruba everybody. So we're filling in, I'm filling in,

and I got booking ranks, and so we got some actual fucking comedians in here. So does out, Louis J. Gomez is out, Will's events, no way to be found. If you think I'm booking a black, you got another thing coming. I'm kidding. Will was supposed to be here and just isn't. He's an hour and a half late. What's going on? The sound you're making me nervous. I

feel like I'm getting pinched over here. I just want to turn this up a little bit. Jesus. Chris Gopo was sitting behind me like he doesn't trust me. Turn their mics up so we can hear them. All right. Turn the mics up and turn the radio on and turn the radio up and this Jew was singing my song. What the fuck dude? I'm gonna go across the room around the room. We got first and foremost. We have Sam only gets booked when I'm in charge, Morill. You should be upset. You're always great in the show and Bobby

never has you on. I don't know. Yeah, I don't I'm not like it's we'll I'm doing podcast. I like hanging out with you. I don't want to just do podcasts all the time. Yeah, well, you should still be upset that you're not getting asked on I think it might be anti-Semitic though. You think so? I think Bobby's an anti-Semite. I'm pretty sure I think you remember him telling me that a couple times. I think I Didn't think it was insulting to you just brought it up. Well, now I'm a little insulted. You should be insulted Anyway, Sam a real is here. You might have to eat that Mike a little more, buddy. Eat it like you eat your dick on stage, your fag. Yeah. I don't like this hate speech. I didn't come here for this horse. Sorry. And then to Sam's left, we have a good buddy. First time in the show, right?

Yeah, first time. This is Greg Warren, everybody. You can see him on the Visiteo here with the hell of a cardinal sweatshirt. Thanks, man. St. Louis's own Greg Warren. Greg's gonna be on TV tonight. If you're watching this live, the feed, Greg will be on the late, late show on CBS at 12.30 tonight. Wow.

One of my favorite comics and a veteran of... How long have you been at it, Greg? Had a lot of full start, so I'm not sure. Yeah, you know, started and quit and I don't know. All right, well... Well, time for like 15 years. All right, well, thanks. I've been around the same time. Well, I mean, but I, I had a I did it at night a lot before that. I got you

Well, we're having a show is so much nicer than mine. You said eats my dick morale He gets one of your favorite 15 year comics. Yeah, he's a better better person and better guy I fuck you, Joe. I don't need this shit, dude. I got it a bad. There's no charity downstairs Joe I don't need this shit dude. I got it a bad. There's no charity downstairs The battery tea at the seller. It's three o'clock in the afternoon. You fucking heeb I got a I'll stop at the Rachel slurs everybody we have Jewish fans I'm half are you have Jewish? Oh my god My dad's clock. What does that have to do with me being Jewish? So three o'clock. I don't know. I just like like well, you do lazy

Here's the thing you're so attractive and funny that it's the only thing I can make funny for. Now we're talking. Yeah, and Greg's just a better human being. I'm working on myself, dude. Yeah, well, keep working. And then to Greg Warren's left, we have the one and only, my new roommate. This is the first show I've done together since we've been roommates.

Oh, it's an honor. We've been together today. We did,. It was a nightmare. Yeah, because your psycho is as a passenger. Yeah, we were trying to get, but he was a, he's very Nazi-esque. Oh, about time. Yeah, time and driving. So we left, I get in the car, because Skopan wants to drive. The first stop sign we get to, he overshoots it. Not even. Wild Latino maniac driving 70 miles an hour almost hits me. Not even close to what happened.

I had it. That's very nasty like Joe, that's a lot what what Hitler did to the Jews. You fucking into, you ain't, oh, you're trivializing what happened. I'm I'm I'm gonna go with this. Hitler did nothing to the Jews. You compared the, the, the, the, he called him a Nazi.

To do it, correct. A near-correct. But not even a car accident. You know what, reckless with red lights is not in the same category Wasn't even close to trust me wasn't even close to a car accident And maybe I stopped a little soon to a guy wouldn't hit me, but it was not even close I had it down. He just gets nervous. He shakes. It's weird. He's like a dog the difference between this and the Holocaust is this happened Wouldn't you say that the guy I don't know if I can be part of this

I I'm sorry but I'll stop cleaning up I feel like this show we got to be edgy you know I wish will was here because it Make it's all seen better we do have a minority we have deep poo here everybody hey happy be here Joe You didn't put yourself on camera. Oh, it's not about me. All right, well, did I even have a camera on you? No. Oh, geez. What's your deep blue camera? Deep blue is very handsome, everybody.

You just have to take our word that a minority is. You know, I've had to see it. Yeah. And he's running the technical operations, so we're good. You know, I've had the choice to put myself on camera, but I figured, you know, it's a waste of screen time. Yeah, that's a good point. You're not very good looking.

But anyways, we're here, everybody. Robert Kelly is not here. So I'll try to be confrontational and funny at the same time. And all right, guys, come on. Give me some, you're supposed to give me like, yeah, he's conversation alone. Amazing, yeah, there it is.

So let's get into it. What are we talking about everybody? This show has no topics and no holes. Bring it out. Well, I got a few things I want to talk about one thing is i brought the rolling stone rob sheffield ranking each cast member and i have you guys read this yet this guy deserves to get his ass kicked i read it online if it's the same one online i read it i probably it's the same online i would

imagine yeah that would be crazy if they had different ones well first of all i'm not into this whole twitter army thing and go attack this guy but find Rob Sheffield on Twitter and just we're gonna end this guy's career I mean we gotta who is a shit? Well, he's you know what? He doesn't deserve like who the fuck is he to come on Quinn a hack to call Norm MacDonald unfunny Who do you think you are those are two comic? Who is he is he a comic writer? Is he dude?

No, I think he's just a writer writer. I don't know. It's just a regular he has no nothing to do with comedy at all. I have a problem with lists to begin with Everybody wants to rank every day. Why do you got a problem with you? Yeah, how many nice guy? Yeah, that was good. But uh, that was gopah's best joke he's ever made ever podcaster otherwise and and and he got it and i stopped and i enjoyed it

uh... i don't like this i don't like the idea of of ranking like why does everything have to be ranked with you and then and then on top of it you're insulting comical and like how how out of the loop this guy have to be comedically to think that common quinz a hack it's insane. The most original comic mind. Yeah, probably the most, if we were to rank hacks from Scopo to non-hack, I would say

that Quinn is the furthest from tack of all time. He's the eating yang of me. Yes, you stink. Um, like, Scopo's great. Follow Scopo, he's almost at a thousand Twitter followers. Yes. Yeah. I'm contributing.

Let's get him down to 800. Let's get him. Please, I can't. My career cannot take that hit again. I think after that list pun, that list pun should get you. I'm follow Scopo. Oh, great.

I thought we were friends great. You were in a carnal shirt. I like the carnal and now I have the kill you. I'm not gonna lie. I just don't, I don't lie. You know, you gotta, got to take a guy down a couple of notches before he gets to a thousand Yeah, it's like a NBA team you got to lose a couple times in the first round in the second round before you get a champion Shit, but you're getting there buddy. Thank you. I appreciate it I had a first-known round knockout sweep last year. Yeah, hopefully I get taken to a game six this year

You're 600 right now For stuka kept making a good run, but then they had to just disband the whole team. They sent them back to Australia. Overweight limit. Jesus Christ. Christ Jesus. Come on. I was just about to give a shout out to I'd miss Kelly. Who missed his Kelly? Anyone miss Kelly? Well, you guys weren't really a part of the show, but you know where? I met her. I met her. I liked her. She was always fun to see. Sweet gal. Yeah, she was there. You know, always fun to see. It's like the worst day. Yeah, that guy he was, you know, around. Greg Warren said she was always fun to see. That's why he gets a better intro because he's a good liar.

No kidding. I do miss Kelly though. And I was just thinking about her the other day. And so Kelly, if you're still listening, maybe you hate us. I don't know. Hello and nice to see you. All right. I want to get into this. This is what this guy writes. Nor Mcdonald is ranked 135 out of 141. And this guy, he just writes this just so people will talk about him. That's what we're doing. So we're probably giving him more. He's winning right now.

He's winning. But let me just read this one thing here, because we got to fill two hours, and I don't know what to talk about, Numbge. Nor Mcdonald clearly thought he was hilarious, and that counts for something. Confidence is essential for a weekend update anchor. And then, when I was a little bit more honest, I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it. I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it. I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it.

I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it. I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it. I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it. I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it. I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it. I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it. I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it. I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it.

I was like, I'm not sure if I was going to be able to do it. I was like, I'm not sure date. Like how do you, how do you miss that? I guess, you know, humor's subjective, but, you know, I thought Norm was edgy and balsy and. Funniest guy in the history of the show, I would say. Maybe. The tone is just hilarious. The way he comes out with what he, the words he comes out with, hey, you're like, you can't do as voice,

but he's fucking hilarious. Much, Greg, you do a pretty good norm on impression. I didn't, I didn't know I did. you just do one earlier. I thought it was pretty good Yeah, yeah, just like a snake Deepo thoughts deep. I want to get you more involved in the podcast I thought Martin Shirt was my favorite part of the SNL 40. Oh Wow, well, he's not he's a he's very I don't even know he was

He lived in L career. Yeah, I didn't even know he was on it actually. It was a Martin short-lived career Yeah, one of my favorite sketches the the synchronic synchronized swimming sketch. Oh, yeah Yeah, remember that the celebrity jeopardy was fucking hilarious I thought that's an L40 celebrity. It was great So funny and how about the normal McDonald's story that he told me about any Murphy? That was a great example when he played Bert Reynolds on the TV Oh, his Bert Reynolds was one of the funniest. Yeah, unbelievable. Third Ferguson.

Third, yeah, it's a big hat. It's funny. Hat. Also, you got to take into account a guy like Darryl Hammond who was there for so long like that guy, you know, yeah, he's in there, but I think he's pretty low on the list. I don't know. He's a feature actor when I was in college and went and watched man.

Wow. He's one of my favorite catch the watch. Yeah, Darryl Hammond a feature like a comedian feature. He was in the middle act and watched man, I was like one of my favorite cash to watch yeah, Darryl Hammond a feature like a comedian feature He was in the middle act to deja vu in Columbia's the first time I met him. He was really cool. Wow He was the middle. Oh my god. That's amazing. How long was in the show for like 10 years? I know more than that he was on for like almost 20 years Who was the longest on the show was a Tim Merrill Hammond? Oh, yeah, he was on from 90's was on 2009 Tim Meadows on for a long time too.

I remember I opened for Dale Hammond once and I went to the green room and he was like, hey Sam, how are you? And I was like, I'm doing great, man. How are you? And he's like, not well. Yeah, he was a troubled guy. He's a sweet guy. He's so nice.

He's such a nice guy. But I think he's had a lot of difficulties. He wrote a book about it. Yeah, but such a talented guy and so nice. He's one of those guys that I think he struggles with addiction. He was one of those guys that I used to be so blown away, but I had had like a guy, like a handler with him, to keep him out of trouble.

I remember being like, that's a level of troubleness. When there's like a guy who has to like stand around, we always laugh at them. I never had someone that had... What the fuck in work though? You're paying him, right? Yeah, I guess. We always left, I don't know if it's the someone that had... What the fuck in work though, the guy, you're paying him, right? Yeah, I guess. We always, my friend, Iron-I, he's always laughing, think about the idea of like, the guy standing outside the bathroom,

just being like, hey, was Steve or Darryl, where he's like, I just taking a shit. And then like, actually, it has been a while, and then he kicked him in the bathroom, and like the window shades are blown, and you see him running. And then my buddy, Iron-, we'd always go with like, he's running with a dildo in his ass, naked.

That was our idea of like going crazy, was having a dildo in your ass running. I can't think of anything crazy than running full-fuel. It's crazy, yeah. Yeah, if you're gonna take the trouble to put a dildo in your ass, you're probably gonna run with it.

Yeah, you're probably gonna sit there and enjoy it for a while instead of running. Yeah, I guess. That's a good point. I don't know if someone stuck it, if someone else stuck it in my, I'd probably run away from them. Would you maybe take it out?

Yeah, maybe I'd do that first, I don't know. I don't know a lot of dildo experience. I found my mother's dildo, let's go dirty. Let's just get crazy everybody. I don't have mother's dildo. Yeah, early on in my life, yeah, it was under my dildo. Do you know what you know? Do you know what it was?

It was under my pillow. Woo! You know what I like about it. I think I sent you this article you know, do you know what it was? It was under my pillow. Woo, you know what I was like about it. I think I sent you this article last week, Joe, there was an article in the New York Times magazine about public shaming and about like just the bully mentality and about just like kind of ganging up on people. Yeah, and that's, yeah, you're Jew, dummy. This is exactly what they quoted in the article,

Jew Faggot dummy. No, you know, it's like a similar mindset when you trash people. Like, it's the same mindset. You're just trying to, it's what people flock to. You're trying to sell magazines. It's negativity. People flock to it. Oh, you're talking about the ranking, this thing.

Yeah, well, I'm going back to this. Oh, I think you're talking about finding Dildos, still, five of the views. No, I agree. I agree, and it's that you get to rank them. And then it you're talking about finding Dildos. That's five hundred views. No, I agree. I agree and you get to rank them and then it's everyone talks about it. These lists, I believe the list started with the hundred greatest artists on VH1.

That was like the first big one I remember. They did the hundred greatest artists of rock and roll that Kevin Bacon hosted. And then I feel like after that, it just blew up. I don't like the thing on the internet when you go to the list and they catch me. I hate them, but I always feel like I'll see. And then you got to click for each part of the list, like, you know, each number.

You got to click it. You just fucking list them, man. They're just looking for clicks. Yeah. I'm trying to never go do that again on the internet because you're just looking for a hundred clicks on your face. I did that with the set out and I got to like halfway through and the page like fucking expired. I had to go back and redo it all again.

Fuck show me the list man. Yeah. I like the ones with the athlete ones. Those are always fun and get it spicy. Well like the 10 beef student know about. Yeah, yeah. 10 best athletes, 10 gayest athletes, 10 big hits. I watched the 10 celebrity feuds.

Oh, that was good. Yeah. What was that one? Big one of the feuds, Bill Murray and who was the Chinese girl in Charlie's Angels? Lucy Liu. Lucy Liu. Really? Is the reason why Bill Murray is not on the...

Well, they were in Charlie's Angels. He was the guy, the boss of the Basley. And then supposedly during a scene, he stops in the middle of the scene and goes to Cameron Diaz drew Barrymore and Lucy literally goes I know why you're here Cameron you're beautiful and talented drew your talented and goes why are you here Lucy and the middle of the Fucking middle of the age supposedly she like threw fist that emm and shit Wow, we wouldn't come back if he was on the show He was on the us the second one You know, it's interesting

I just work with a guy who was friends with a guy who worked on a set that Bill Murray was on the show he was on the us the second one you know it's interesting i just work with a guy who was friends with a guy who worked on a set that bill marie was on and he said he was the biggest asshole i've heard loose i've heard loose he lose kind of a twat oh really yeah i've heard a few times she's beautiful that's the weird that you know you don't call you man you know i'm not that's not just asian broooga sam loves the asian does that's man. I love women of all backgrounds

But you're obviously specifically I'm off the sauce That's me and I didn't know this is not me being incestive towards the Jewish struggle I heard that a lot of Jews are into Asians. Is that your favorite Jews? Which one what do you Alan? Oh? That's right. He's into Jewish children juice which one what do you know yeah that's right he's into Jewish children every way in fedamins would you know joke it's the best would you know joke let's hear it would you know is that he's my hero you know all these years and still married to the same daughter that's a good joke it wasn't gonna hit regardless because of the room no I think it could have hit no I like it's a

good job not my joke I don't give a shit about it yeah I like it. It's a good joke. I don't think it's not my joke. I don't give a shit about it. I like it. Don't you worry. So you didn't take a beat when you were supposed to on the floor. Don't you get it? Someone else's joke. It's worse than bombing your own joke. I know.

I didn't do it just. Wayne, I'm sorry. I think you're hilarious. He's a very funny guy. Nice guy too. I don't know who doesn't deserve that. I don't know who his joke was. Woody Allen raised his own pussy.

Yeah, was there boy, thank you for taking the heat off me. That was that was that. Anna, how do we say my thought? I wasn't even my joke. I heard that. I thought you did a nice job, Sam. I don't have any Woody Allen jokes. I think he's a great artist and I love him and I stand by him. Oh, that the Woody Allen stand up comic.

That's the greatest stuff of the album. The album. album oh so he did it all man did everything holds up he's one of the best at everything he's ever done it's a man crazy the best and i'm a director writers i think it's a great comedic actor too does he have a decent of anymore no no he's not without that's easy to you uh... who were having fun, huh?

Oh boy. Next time that car's gonna hit you. Yeah, well, you almost killed me, and I didn't appreciate it. But I do appreciate the ride. It was nice. I would have to pay $2.50 and get here much quicker and not have my life risked. Sorry, do you want gas money, by the way? No.

Remember that last door deal? No. Do people ask for that still? Gas money? I don't know. I think you should offer. I don't know. It depends on how long the trip is, I guess. If I'm going to the place, no. The car's gonna be used anyway. Oh, interesting. You should say that, Chris. I wouldn't mind pulling up an episode from last summer.

Oh, you know what? You were just bitching now. You know what? Fuck you then. I'll throw that at you. Chris Scopo was supposed to pick up me, Sarah, and Kelly Fistuka. A couple of lovely ladies, and Kelly. And that was the joke of a me. There you go. And her. Yes, I was kind of a two-fer.

I was a pretty brilliant joke of a me. I like that, I enjoyed it. He's supposed to pick us up to take us to Robert Kelly, who's very generous, having a big barbecue for us boys and girls. Another thing I wasn't booked on. Yeah, well, that's because he did invite me. You didn't invite me to that. Oh, yeah, that was a different one, I think.

You can't say on air that I invited you because Robert might listen to this and he'll be pissed if he finds out that I invited you to his house. Why didn't go? But anyways, Chris was supposed to pick us up and was an hour and 10 minutes late to pick us up. And you guys wouldn't wait five minutes today for me to ride down here with you from a't wait five minutes today for me to ride to

Down here with you from a story. Well, I would have waited but Chris is not a good person and he said I did say though I did say that you I was like oh you want to wave room and you said no He's probably in the shower fuck you Joe Chris you knew not did you not say that you did you not say that? Did you know interesting you say did you not say that because yes? I did say that the question is Did you, interesting you say, did you not say that? Because yes, I did say that. The question is, did you actually say, do you wanna wait for him, which is complete bullshit? You said, we have to leave now.

No, and then I said, it's okay, he's probably in the shower. No. When you said, if he texts this minute, I did not say that. That's exactly what you said. They did not say that. We're walking, I came out of a fucking minute. We're walking, I lost that with hanging my friend.

We're walking to the car and I was like, oh, okay, you know, you said 12 of Thien, I was like, I'll out of a fucking minute. I lost that with anger, my friend. We're walking to the car and I was like, oh, okay, you said 12 of 15, I was like, I'll be gotta go before that. I was like 10 minutes before that. I was like, we gotta go. And you were like, oh, it was like 12, 0, 8. And I was like, all right, we could waver him, I guess. He goes, well, he hasn't responded back to my text.

He's probably in the shower. I was in the shower. And then he said, You know I was in the shower. And you said, quote, if he texts this minute, and I said, don't worry about his Oh my god, you're gonna say that fucking liar. I say that you're a liar. You're a Italian. You're a liar. You're a fucking Boston liar. All right That means but

Shitting on New York sports the whole way here by the way Fuck you dude. Fuck you. Sports radio congrats on the next by the way. I heard they have double digit amount of wins this season There's no need for that. There's just no need. You know what hurts me? What's your story? You said you have a story there Sam. Oh it's not a great story. I just had a... I'm sure it isn't. Fuck you Joe.

This negativity is taking a toll on myself esteem. Yeah you're probably right. Well I canceled a gig this weekend in Malve American, Minnesota. Oh wow this weekend? Yeah. Because all shabomb is threatening to attack really oh they are that's true man my agent call me and he's and he's like hey i got i got this gig in mall america i'm like you mean the mall of america that all shabomb is threatening who i don't know who's all shabomb is he a rival club owner

yeah he on skid marks and say say people that don't know how she Bones are like donuckers down there and they're like the broke they're like the broke of the terror group So the broke is to like the big terror group the open-micro vices basically. Yeah, basically. Oh, yeah I see what you're saying. I appreciate it. That's pretty good. I appreciate it That's like 950 Twitter follow a good I think I'm in the right I'm at 74 right now I'm at 980 I'll give you but uh yeah take him down to 500 guys

I told my eight down to 500 listeners every take him down to five I didn't take him back up give it a few weeks though so you can get him below 500 I told my I told my agent uh you mean the alshabab the one alshabab is going to attack and he's like what are you talking about

no just like wait do... Wait, they specifically say... They specifically say... They say that Mall of America. Wow. And he said, he's like, no, they're not. I'm like, don't even Google Mall of America. Google al-shabab. They're not.

So he Google's al-shabab. He's like, you're right, Mall of America is on there. And I'm like, all right, let me think about this. I'll call you back in like 15 minutes. And then he calls me, he's like me like look I talked to the club manager She said everything's fine. She said I talked to Al Shabbab. They're not Like they said it's gonna if they do it's gonna be the other end of the mall

She's breaking encryption code to the lobby. Yeah, she's doing, you know what the hell? It's like such a classic like agent thing to say. I think it's gonna be fun. And then he all, this is the other thing he said, he's like, it's swarming with the FBI, she said, which means honestly, there's no better time to go. Wow, maybe the budget FBI guys at the show. I don't think they'd be, it's a big mall.

I feel like they wouldn't even, why would you tell them you're gonna bomb the place. I don't see, I don't think they'd be, it's a big mall, I feel like they wouldn't even. Why would you tell them you're gonna bother the place? You don't just tell them. How's Shabbat? Well, because they, I think they, why do they do it? Because they need money. Because they're not, they're, they need to, you know, they need to do it in still fear,

because they're the brokers to all those groups. I think they're trying to make money. Also, Minneapolis, the Minnesota, they have a big Somali population. And, and, and all Shabbat. That's their,abab that's their fucking all Shabab is made up of Somalis, yeah Kevin go ahead and a Somali All right, well Then they're all at the mall too. Yeah, I mean it you want to test your

Your patience I also Somalis or I thought it was cool that I was on the way to radio. I was like, oh, that's great man You got the Somali community and then I got in line by like 40 of them at Starbucks and I was like I don't like Let's find out the guy who's in captain Phillips. That's where he went when he first came to America Minnesota he got him there. That's they went somebody there's a Somali comic that talks about it man He's kind of a good-looking guy. Oh, I'm talking to Mike. Oh, sorry. They went to They went to Minnesota to that community and they were like casting for the thing and

He's he was like a comic and an actor and he got nothing man Oh, he didn't look jacked up enough right to be like a real a pirate. He just played a terrorist on Hawaii 5.0 Who did the guy the Somali pirate guy Yeah, he was awesome. Oh, wow. Yeah, he was good. Yeah talk about getting typecasted. I mean, I'll fucking take that though Yeah, I don't know if you would fly as a pirate your ass is too big Technically, I got a laugh eventually technically i got a laugh eventually uh... i was i'm still trying to figure it out i don't know

oh scupper is a giant baseball ass have you seen it before how he does he's got a catcher ass he's got the catcher it's crazy that chair is screaming you gotta show it show your ass to great come on and i like it so the i think i think about all shabab another alshabab thing i did a joke about Al Shabab on house party. Oh, I did so what if they did kill me that's like a fucking That's like a martyr death, right? Yeah, it'll be like jasub Sam or whatever. What's that word?

I only see that you're trying to say that that you were behind like that's why well I have an all Shabab joke and then on top of that um Oh, you know what else these agents are fucking just the conversations with hilarious He's like he's like he's like no, it's a beautiful. It's a beautiful. Uh, it's a great club And I was like, well, you go there. I don't want to go there this weekend. Oh, wow It's a long way to I'm not gonna leave the hotel. I was terrified. They said this weekend the terrorist attack is gonna have Yeah, something was in yeah, cuz Because I saw the tweets from the club. I follow.

It's all over the news. I knew about it instantly. When he called me, I was like, yeah, who's coming out? Who's coming out? They're like, yeah, they said it's going to run red with blood. But this guy's been on the Arty Langs. Shoot. That's fucking hilarious.

That's a bit. That's hilarious. Two for one bomb special right here. Samaril, get tickets. That is classic. That is awesome. I called. They said it was OK.

That would be the headline. Comedian bombed. Yeah, a terrorist group killed. That's really funny. Wow, well, I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're safe. Are they pissed? Did you get sued or anything?

No, because I was a fill in weekend. Oh, they were asking me to do it. Someone just heard about it. Well, they said my agent called me like, Rocky will porch sick and I'm like, no, he's not. That's hilarious. Rocky Bam. Yeah, you know what's so funny? He kept saying like he's like, Rocky will porch sick and I'm like, no, he's not. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. Rocky's Rocky bailed? Yeah.

You know what's so funny? He kept saying like, he's like, nothing's gonna happen. Which is funny when you can talk, because I'm on Facebook and I just message Saint Germain. You're on Facebook? Wow. I think, but- At the time he called, I message

Saint Germain, I say, would you do this gig? And he's like, I'm not gonna say yes because if you died, I'd never live with myself. I say the same thing to my agent. He's like, do'm not gonna say yes because if you died, I'd never live with myself. I say the same thing to my agent. He's like, do the gig. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. And then if I, if there was a shooting and I didn't kick,

and like this weekend, there's a shooting, and I'd not there, it'd be like, they didn't get the comic, you know, that's like the type of mentality they did. Right, right. Can't be wrong, ever. But are you gonna be pissed when there's no shooting and you didn't go? No, because I was thinking about my quality of life when I was there and like I have some things in the next few months

I want to be able to look forward to and I would be I would not leave the room I would be like having my games with myself right because I don't mind dying like if I die in New York He's like you were here for 9-11. I'm like yeah, but I'm a New Yorker like there's something about being a New Yorker I don't want to die in a fucking food court Minnesota. Yeah, plus if you die it's a nice food court I mean, I'm a fucking food court. You know what I mean? I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean,

I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean,

I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean with a bunch of kids, because you're all lined up. It's like a four across, and it's me and like three little kids. And then they take that picture of you as you're going down,

and you can buy it afterwards. And I wanted to buy it and make it my album cover. Just me and three like strange children. But the whole time we're just standing there, and it looks like it's like a four-foot kid, a four-foot kid, a three and a half-foot kid, and then I'm like six, two, just standing there by myself, like a group.

I'm like the parents are taking pictures and waving, and I'm just standing there by myself. I'm like, I'm the comedian. Last time I went to like a day to this girl wanted to do I always want to go to amusement parks, you know, like and I was on one of those where I hate them. They're scary like my stomach hurts. I don't like them. Yeah. It's one of those things where they just drop you. You know, they take you all the way to the place called spider manners. Oh, I love those. They're Superman. They take you all the time and they just drop you straight down. And she wanted to do it. And I was next to like these three 12-year-old kids and I'm like, hey man, like, have you done

this before? And they were like, yeah man, it's cool, it's going to be, I'm like, no, but seriously, what happens? Like they were, they were, they were calmed me down. That's really sweet. I love that stuff. Viserna, I went to, what's the one in Santa Monica and we bought the unlimited thing. It was like a rainy day in California, like a rare rainy day.

I mean, we bought the unlimited. There was zero lines, but then there was only like three guys working, manning the things. We'd have to be keeping like, hey, could you walk with us over here and to man this thing? And so we just had like our own guy, like employee walking back and forth, pressing the buttons for us. Chris, are you sad? Did I upset you? No, no I was really into the story. Oh, all right. Yeah, the other thing about the I go into Mall of America if you died

You'd be an idiot for life Everybody would think you're an idiot because like he goes to Mall of America He picks up the gig that's threatening the club and he goes and he wears and then it blows up I would think he was a hero Right, well you yeah, you died for his art. I care. I made me realize that I care about where I die Who worked you know I mean? Oh, you look and see who took the gig. I will check. We'll see who didn't care check right now actually I wonder they up. What's the name of the oh was last week? You know this weekend. How was the name of the club? It's not America, which is supposed to be a great club

club. It's most of America. Which is the most to be a great club. How do we get a feeling and I'd like to play it in? Well, or I could fill it in or you both don't have to be on your phones. You're knuckleheads. That's the other club that used to be in Mall of America actually. Knuckleheads. Yeah, it did. Skidmark. Skidmark is always my favorite. It says Rocky the Port right now. It ain't. Yeah. Wow. Maybe they'll just close. Nikki Glage is going to be there though soon't yeah, wow, maybe they'll just close Nicky Glades is gonna be there though soon. Oh, wow, but they're literally putting some competition to Acme which I think is the best club. You work either those clubs Greg. I used to work at me I worked them all American now. Oh, wow, okay Yeah, they're great. Now you're a big road dog Greg. You're out there a lot. Yes quite a bit

Yeah, and on TV quite a bit as well. You're having a big year here You just had I set the bench for a while There Joe you did, but you did a Seth my eyes which is killer you killed on Seth That's gonna be on YouTube somewhere, right? It's on my website. Yeah, what's your website Greg Warren comedy? Greg Warren comedy yeah, no, I set out for a long time. I had I think I set the bench for about three Greg is the most humble guy I've ever really I'm sorry they did get somebody. Who is it? Lisa Landry. Oh, she's good.

Oh, I just shan't end and got a big heart and a lot more courage in Samarro. Yeah, she's a really good person, strong, not a Jew. Compose the new Sam. Come on. It wants to do comedy for a country doesn't yield the terrorists. Her comedy isn't back down. He's gonna live in fear, doesn't believe in the Holocaust.

She's a good person. Those colors don't run. Uh, I wanna go back to Greg being humble because you're a very humble guy. So humble that you don't even talk about being a national, uh, all-American wrestler back in the, uh, 70s. Classic, classic, uh, Matt Barons, uh, who, uh, at the funny bone in St. Louis, I remember he told me that Greg came down there once and he's just there and Matt's like Greg What are you doing in town? I was like, I just hanging out for some school thing. We find out later

He's getting it like inducted to the Mizzou Hall of Fame. It was knows my high school hall fame That's still well. That's pretty that's pretty good. Yeah, that's not bad. I school hall of Fame mention it Like you didn't even mention it What you like the guy that goes around me like, Hey Sam, how you doing? Do you get going in the high school? He's not wearing it. But like you're never that guy so you could you could have said it. Yes, be that guy high school hall of fame. That's unbelievable. That's amazing too. And what's amazing is you were the only

member of your class that's still alive. Greg graduated in 1947. They all went to war, that's true. Greg graduated in 1947. 47. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all went to war. That's amazing. But why did I hand it, and I just left it. Now, what do they do? They retire at Jersey or a plaque? Yeah, it's just a little while.

And it hangs in the school? It's in the school, gymnasium. Wouldn't it be high-breaking if you went back and like a kid had tried a mustache on it? There was something like a dick. A dick. A dick right at the face going or that. I feel that way about I'll see like I put like a

Like a some tape of me doing stand-up early on be like this guy's not funny Just the thought bubble that says I'm gay or something. I feel that way like she has love that man She was all these like billboards and stuff in the in the subway and stuff and they're all people draw on it I'm not I don't want to be a success where I have billboards. No, you never want to be that way. Take on your face. It would hurt me. Even like sunglasses.

Dude, what are you doing? I'm making sure you put all the dicks on my face that I want. I really don't care. I'll be talking metaphorical, the actual dicks. Doesn't matter. Make that much money, I'll take them.

That might be the only way you make sure money. I know. I know. What do you think I'm even at, Joe? All right. I'll put my ticket in your face for eight bucks. Call in if you want to have a dick on Scopus face. Yeah, let's get it going.

So was the Hall of Fame just for the rest of the accomplishments or for the comedy accomplishments? No, it's just like the athletic. No, it's just like, yeah, it's for the wrestling. Well, I was definitely like, no, Everyone gets in after a 10-year anniversary. Yeah, yeah, wow. That's great though and you wrestled at division one wrestling Yeah, yeah at Missouri and Nobody cares except for me, but I care Missouri wrestled Iowa Two days ago in the the national duels and and they beat i went there the number one dual country

that means that means some of the number one team of the country and dole it well it's it's weird it's everything interesting is always what it's not the actual national term that's in like a month um... but when you you know you go ahead to head there the best team okay uh... and that yeah it was pretty awesome and you uh... the fox catcher is a big movie a steep girl now did you knew that guy that Steve Carl played, right?

I met him. We met him. Yeah, when we wrestled against Villanova, he gave them a bunch of money and he sat in the coaching chair. Oh, wow. I was like a freshman. We were wrestling against Villanova. And I was like, who's the weird guy?

My coach is like, oh, that's the guy that donated a bunch of money to the team. And I remember shaking his hand after the wow Yeah, it was the creepy and stuff You know, I don't I wasn't aware enough All of those we won every match Except for chipbunner and on the way home everybody said we won 33 to butter. That's the only thing Is butter the guy is butter the Channing Tatum guy? No, no, no

Channing Tatum guy is this guy Mark Schultz Channetate him guy no no no but a channetate him guy is this guy mark sholts Who I did meet I did this kind of funny like goofy wrestling character They're kind of caught on in wrestling circles not and we were shooting something with and we got mark sholts to be in it Like but they just told him like hey do this thing with this guy And I basically played an idiot with like a 40-year-old guy with his head gear on thinking he still wrestles and So I'm wrestling a little bit with him and they're shooting it and I walked away and Shultz was like Yeah, that guy He was okay, man like he kind of knew what he was doing like he thought I was like a make-a-wish kid I was retarded or something

They're like no he wrestling college man. He knows what he's doing That's really funny cuz that's like a weird thing Where it's like a compliment that you really nailed the character, but also like oh so I could be considered Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know it's a compliment you're going for that right? It kind of I think yeah, I don't know So you know, I think I yeah, I'm a little bit I could play that idiot a little bit too easily So we'll get blank look on your face We'll try to punch it up But give me the story. I want to know the story of how you became a fucking all-American wrestler I mean what is that in tail?

Give me a 30 second version. You're gonna meet a big track meet a wrestling thing You're in the corner you wear face paint. Oh, you how you be like the actual thing. Yes, I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to hear. I want to Gotcha go is a school so they pick 33 guys from each weight class and you go to a tournament And it was in Iowa and the top eight guys in the tournament are all American I got seventh I was not so kind of a low yeah And trust me you were seven in your weight class in the nation. Yeah, yeah, it was pretty fun. Good job It's pretty good. I'm not saying it's not pretty good amazing actually It's pretty good. I'm not saying it's not pretty good amazing actually. Yeah, few this seventh best comedian What did you find in your way class to be pretty good? I'm in the top three in this room. I'll tell you that It's not a hard room to be in though

Trust me and I was not I was like a very long shot to get that Seven right I was not I had probably the best turn in my life then. That's amazing though, man. That's awesome. All American is insane. Where does that rank among your greatest comedians accomplishments? I'd like a more thrilled about TV and having a special or having that wrestling championship. I don't know, man.

I mean, I, there's a degree of humiliation in both. You're a fucking nut. You're a nut. You get beat on a lot to get there. So I don't know, I think. But that's not humiliating beating. It's current. I guess the comedy's more important now

because it's current. That's what I'm doing. Make sure career, make sure living. I don't want to live 25 years. I just mean the feeling when it, you know, when it was going on. Yeah, it was probably bigger deal that. You're an amazing guy because if I had done that,

I would be telling everybody, I'd be showing them my medals and my My my one Z and my special. It's not a one Z It's called a single a single that's what I meant to say I was thinking of what I'm wearing But there's like a similar there's like a humility school You told me you know what the fuck it was you were just trying to you're taking a shot whatever It's almost like a martial artist thing that you know when you meet martial artists are very humble They're very together like I see you and Mike Vecchion who are both wrestlers walk around Yeah, you guys have like a similar humility. You're both very like self-deprecating guys, you know

I don't know there's something like that guys awesome man He's yeah, I'm gonna change you Greg. I want you walk around I want you to talk about your own TV fucking tonight And I want you to talk about you killed on Seth Meyers You have a your own special and I want to see you do this way more to people like stick out your fingers Good first of all Sam that's inappropriate and dirty and also it's a visual joke on a podcast I didn't know what he was doing. I like to do that when I get off stage for the next comic I like to walk you to put my finger in their face and be like sniff it. Oh, man. Did you do that in high school?

No, I do it now. I'm worse now than I was in high school. Sam is a complete child Wow, well, I did your amazing school Sam school in midtown called Browning Browning Browning? Oh wow. He's like a prep school teacher. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a Jew school? Let me ask you this Sam, are you in the Hall of Fame at that school? No, of course not. Well, maybe if you had gone to the House of Comedy and fought terrorism, you would be.

Lisa Landry's in the Hall of Fame somewhere. Yeah, she's going into the Browning Hall of Fame in Mizzou. Yeah, yeah. America's Hall of Fame. Look, en la que yo soy. Sí, es el braunio Jolla Fam, en el Mizzou. Sí, sí. En el Mizzou, en el American Jolla Fam. ¡Más bien! Lea es el gran chico, me voy a dar a la cara. ¡Cáward! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan.

¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Por la vida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Bolotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. No, si te ha descrapado, ¿no? ¿Pero si te ha descrapado, si te ha descrapado, si te piensas que te piensas que te piensas que te piensas que te piensas que te piensas que te piensas que te piensas que te piensas? ¿Aguienes un rastro?

No, a la gente que ha llegado. Oh, he's a little mizou style. Yeah, the guy punched his street guy, punched me in the head. What? For no reason, or? Yeah, I was just walking in this guy. I was such an idiot. I was like, I was walking in the East Village, you know, you know how sometimes in New York,

you guys probably got more friends than I do. Like sometimes you just go about three days without talking to everybody. Except humility, what is it? You know what I told people you're in all American wrestling, you'd have a whole bunch of friends. No, but I mean than I do. Like sometimes you just go about three days without talking. Set humility. What is it? Yes. You know what I told people you're in all American wrestling you'd have a whole bunch of friends. No, but I mean, sometimes you just go like, you know, you just get like way too in yourself

and you just go like two days without speaking to anybody. Yes. And so I was in one of those days and I was out walking and I hear this guy behind me and he goes, Hey, motherfucker, what are you looking at? And I turned around, which is like I told Judith Freyland he's like, that's the stupidest thing. Like, why don't you just go into looking at and I turn around which is like I told Judith Freyland is like that's the stupidest thing like when he's just going to a store I turn around it was this crazy guy and uh... charging at you was

no he wasn't charge because what do you fucking look at it is just you're probably just fishing for somebody yeah you took the bait yeah I took the bait and I turn around and I just say you get it the the New York you take all the bait you're gonna die we be rookie move and I uh and uh and then I just kept walking and he goes I was talking to you mother fucker And I like I think I flipped them off like like as I'm walk as I'm walking away And then he sprints you like get to my face he goes mother fucker don't walk away from me I and then I kind of like hey, hey, you get the fuck out of here. Well, this is your first day in New York

No, no, I've been there for a year And then he just youed me, man. He just punched me. And for a second, I was like, that victim. I don't know if you feel like a victim in the city. So I'm like, oh, man. And then I was like, wait a minute. I did this every day for 20 years.

And I just shot a single take down on him and picked him up, picked his leg up. Like here, like you're supposed to do. It was a pretty good technique. And then he just went right down, like he, he sucked. He was terrible. Not a good wrestler. He's on. I thought he wasn't an all-american. No, I could go. I would bet you never made a past district.

And I was like, I flipped out. And like, you know, I, I fucking had my hand on his throat. And I'm like, Motherfucker, I'm fucking fucking kill it Like I just everything just a year of getting beat down in the city just you just didn't someone see it Yeah, this guy Looked up and there's just dude with a camera On YouTube beating the show almost yeah, I said more hits than your my or set It would definitely get more it's but I did say I I did say like if that thing does wind up YouTube on YouTube, I would have known because I would have got a call from my college coach like, Warren, you still don't

know how to shoot a single egg to the right side. You didn't finish it all. It wasn't a true win. He used to say to me a lot. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's a tough community to be in the wrestling community. Yeah, you know, our friend, Johnigan,

common friend of ours, his favorite thing, he is, I told him this story, but when I was in, I was a freshman against, in Northern Iowa, and I didn't cut my weight right, and the guy was really good, and I was on the bottom, and you know what stalling is and wrestling is, like, there's a-

You're gonna explained to the listeners So so in wrestling if you if there's no activity They hit if one guy's kind of not doing a lot right it's in boxing if you see the guy clutching on right right That they hit they call it stalling and they throw their fist out and it's a sort of and this place If the gym was packed and we were away and I was there I was a freshman and the ref hit me for stalling like four times Which is you can't right scuffle does it yesterday of 20 minutes and the ref hit me for stalling like four times, which is you can't do. Right. Scupper does it, if you have to do 20 minutes.

It's not, yeah, yeah. It's not. A lot of that. Where are we from? What do you do? The ref was like, fucking do it, stand up comedy. He's like, are you okay down there, son? And the crowd's all laughing.

And my coach. Getting booed or not? Oh, yeah, it was too. And I was awful. And for my whole college career, if I had one bad practice, Warren, I remember when you laid down at Northern Iowa. I was like, I was the captain of our team as a senior, just like one bad, I remember when you fucking laid down

at Northern Iowa, Warren, you better pick it up. Oh, wow. Is he still around? Yeah, he's a great guy, man. Wow. Like, he was a guy that I wrestled with a lot. I didn't have a lot of Joe Parker's my senior year. So I wrestled with him, he was didn't have a lot of Joe partners my senior year

So I wrestled with him. He was a he was the toughest guy in the world Wow, and we got a fist fight one time what did with my my coach in practice? Oh my god, and this is acting at Mizzou. He was at Mizzou. We're in practice and I had just this girl Broke up with me Cheryl. She broke up. She's beautiful. I'm never dated girls Beautiful. Yeah, it's she broke up with me and I She broke up. She's beautiful. I'm never did a girl. It's what beautiful. Yeah She broke up with me and I was like so bummed out and So I go to practice and I'm like I'm just I'm never been this depressed and Right before practice we had this kid Sammy Henson won up being a little silver medalist He was kind of at the time he was a freshman and a punk and him and the head coach started John each other

He's like fuck you ropper. I'll fucking leave so he walks out So now the coach is pissed and he goes up to me. He goes Warren me and you were fucking going today And I'm like oh shit man, and I and I turned to our assistant coach I go I go whaling I swear to God. I'm not taking his shit today. I'm not fucking taking any of his shit So we start wrestling and it's like it's kind of like It gets a little physical, but it's still legal. Like there's a line that you can cross and it happens in college wrestling.

You get beat on the back of the head. Like the guy just sort of smacks the back of your head. He takes the, like your forearm and smack the back of the head. It's kinda legal and then it just starts going from that to being, okay, no. He does it three times so I come back at him. Now I'm a little over the line

He does it back to me now. He's way over the line Right, I do it right back to him now. I'm just basically taking the bat my phone and clubbing the back of his neck Okay, so then he steps out and he he steps out and he just it was not wrestling more as boxing He just took a right and jack me right? Oh my god boom, and then I fucking and this is the guy that my coach man And I you know, I was always I never fucking got the best of him ever in practice. Okay, so at best and you can wrestle Can you fight? No, but back then I could get a whole lot of right? I was in you know I was 20-year-old athlete or whatever but so back so I'm just freaking out and I step back and I fucking jack him with the left Head right I go bam bam Wow, and then he steps so he goes Warren

Do you want a fucking fight or do you want a wrestle because if you want to fight? I'll beat your fucking ass. Oh my god. It was the last shredder I still respite you know, I love this guy man. He was Mike. He did everything and I it was just it was just a heated moment And I go I go I'll wrestle you coach and okay up into that point four years. I'd wrestle with this guy You know probably every day, and the best I ever did was even, okay? Like the best I ever did. Right, right.

I mean, he was good. And he was one of those guys where like, no technique, you just wear you down. Just wear you down. And you'd have to take a shot gun to make him quit. So I was just in that emotional like crazy, like, I had tears coming on my eye, and I beat the fuck out of him that

I took him down like 20 times and as he was getting up from the take-out I push him away and like I like I Killed him. I killed him. Oh my god. I'm killing him. I'm fucking killing him and finally I've never heard him say this every goes all right Warren that's and I had enough like he's not wow And then he had to get one more thing he goes he goes it's called getting mad Warren if you did it more than He goes if you get it more often you'd be fucking better than you are So I went I go downstairs a locker room, and I'm like crying, like that 22 year old cry, and I'm just emotional. And fucking man, fuck roper, man, that's bullshit, man.

I don't give a shit, man. Like I was just like, I got all these. So our assistant, our grad assistant, Charlie walks down. He says, after he goes, after you left, he goes, roper walked into the coaching office, and he goes, I like Warren, man, he's a pretty good. Oh, wow.

Well, the coach has walked by with his finger. He's like, that's Cheryl, dude. Wow. That's like old school man shit. Yeah, crazy. And the thing is people like, people that don't understand the sport, like, are like, that's an awful, your coach, you know, like,

that's awesome. And like, no, man awesome like no man he was he was also my wrestling partner and sometimes it goes over the line and wrestling right right very weird dynamic and you know it just it just it wasn't a bad it wasn't abusive it wasn't anything like that it just it was like two guys that been wrestling each other for a long time and but yeah it was the craziest thing that ever happened now. I'm a movie man. How much? How much older than you was he he was probably Well, he's probably ten years older. Okay, and he was he was in his early 30s and he could still go He just right right, you know, which is when I was in my early 30s

I was a comic I couldn't go right right he could still go and like he said it was never He didn't have the best technique, but he just never, ever quit. And he just, he just wear you down. Right. He's a cool hand Luke. Yeah, yeah. He was, yeah. Wow. He needs 50 eggs. And why couldn't you say 35 or 39? Uh, what kind of, and he must have been a accomplished wrestler himself.

Yeah. He was a guy. He took fourth in the nation. He took four, he took fourth in the big eight. And, and then the same year, he took fourth in the nation. The top four guys that were in the big eight were also the top four guys in the nation. And two of those guys wound up being Olympic gold medalists and one was like a world, you know, like Nate Carr and Kenny Monday who were, you know,

two of the greatest wrestlers we've ever had. Holy shit. And the US, yeah, so he was legit, man. Wow. And Sam, you played hoop. Yeah, but not at a high level. I played like the rec center. Don't be so humble, Goddamn it.

Yeah, but I really didn't. He's actually being humble. I'm just, you know, I know what you stink. Uh, uh, you still ball, though. I play it the rec center. Yeah. Yeah. I can play.

I can play. I'm all right. I play the rec center with the kids usually, you know. What kind of kids? They're like teenagers. They're good. Another 18, 19, they're good. They're good. Another 18 or 19? They're good.

They're good. All right. I want to play with Dunk. They're sick, man. Why can't I play with you? When did we play together? In the park that one? They get all good, something like that. I have the widest game.

I'm like mid-range J.Z.O.D. No athleticism, you know? That crap of comments wasn't that great. I wasn't playing good. But Divino's good. Shultz is good. Shultz's brother was good. It's scuffle.

You can play hoop. I feel like you're too much bottom heavy. I feel like you wouldn't be able to get off the ground I'm not that great box out. Well, what do you play with us? Yeah, not I can't how a bottom small to be powerful. We were in playing with heavy which everyone's like Everyone's kind of the same level for the most what everyone's pretty good, you know, but baseball I'll take it down though Oh, yeah, that much yeah, if I had any sport. I wish I was good at it was that I mean, that's terrible I love that sport man. I love it. It wasn't the greatest that it but I was pretty good. What'd you play? What I catch it. Oh, he was a catch it. Yeah, I got those silly legs. Yeah, what could you hit? Not in when I got the college

That's what kind of slow me down curve balls When you get to college, it was they they they didn't throw harder they just hit the location yeah so like if they wanted the ball on the inside part of the plate they was going on the inside part of the plate and the high school they throw and leave it kind of in the middle so he used to hit it right but if they wanted it in the inside of the outside they could fucking they could they could hit it I played it pretty good I played against Justin Upton wow Justin up the singer yeah yeah Dylan Dylan the guy from the Yankee is Dylan Batances. Oh the closer he fucking maybe looks stupid one time

He threw me sacred heart University. Yeah, he Um, I just did sacred heart University Fairfield Connecticut. Yeah, I just did the school there. It's great school Yeah, there was seven TVs on with the sound eight students There was almost a TV on with the sound for every audience Would you play you play in the cafeteria or be an electro-hole? I played guitar and sang my songs No I did comedy I did I was at the cafeteria cafeteria Yeah, it was getting almost never good

It was like people were walking through with their trays of food It would just stare at me and then just shake their head and leave and then throw food at me I never saw a fucking comic there though when I was there before you. I was fucking never once saw a comic there. I wish that you were there. I wish that someone was there. It was fucking brutal.

One girl was just like studying and doing her homework and I was like, hey, so what are you, cause I'm trying to kill time, just a haul, if you will. And I was like, what are you doing over there? She was like, economics. And like, I just answered it real matter of factly. And went like, right back into her work.

And I was like, okay, well, that was that. And I literally had one of those breakdowns, a very ungraced man told him, is that a very ungrig-war moment where I got so fed up that I was like, I've been on TV, I've been on Letterman. I know, I was on TV. Because you feel like you have to, like you legitimize it somehow, you come on.

I've done it. It's definitely, you get back in a corner. That's that Fuck I'm better than this. It's like I have W9's the whole thing the works. I have a tax guy I'm very successful moderately Reveal man, but every comedian has been pushed into a spot that he's had to fucking sit. I was on this Yeah, everybody's been pushing a spot whether it's like a survival instinct it just comes out You're like I'm sorry, but I was on CBS. I was the only guy on CBS for like five minutes. It was really something You should it my parents came there was tears a whole thing. I got the awesome to I get the video to prove it

Thank you. You're awesome Sam you too. Your Conan was amazing. Thank you. That wasn't good. Thank you I heard a great thing you did with the ladies you put your profile picture on Tinder. Yeah, for the Ronin It's it's makes a big difference. Yeah, yeah, you got more matches, so it's I well, yeah, you don't do it here too You do here a little I don't I like to try to meet girls in person here if I can but I've done it Yeah, totally you're doing pretty well. You know Norman, but you're doing pretty well with the ladies, right? I'm doing alright. You're not Exclusive Asian anymore? No, definitely not. No.

Period, don't say it like it never happened. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it went, you know, I went through my period. I think it was, uh, yeah, there's like a part of you is like, well, values wise, I'm never gonna like Asian girl for about six months and I don't find her valuable I'm talking about our values Culturally is culturally is there so would be a better word? Fine, I meant I mean values that came out wrong. They came out that's basically saying I mean they're animals. They don't

I did not I misspoke can't even hang out with that I misspoke I didn't think you met that man I misspoke I misspoke there's a cultural difference between but Joe said it's true there's a lot of a Jewish Asian yeah I think we are attracted to them you know what I think it is is that most Jews have overwhelming mothers and Asians are a little more distance they have have the Tiger mom and then the distant father so I think that's kind of the match. We're like Asian women are attracted to Jews. I'm seriously not as simple. I thought it was that the Jews like Chinese food. We do. That's fun to know. No one ever analyzes that in a deep way. It's like, oh,

I like Chinese food because my mother now No, I think that's what it is. Wow, but now it's it's I'm across the board again I'm having fun. So you're interesting with women though because sometimes I feel like and I don't like it too I feel like I'm playing the part of Robert here sometimes you're a little self-sabotaging with the ladies. Yeah, I am what do you think that is? Immaturity and not wanting to have an actual relationship probably. Right, because sometimes you self sabotage with our relationship. You say, Joe, you stink, you're bad, a comedy, you get a small bit. That's not self sabotage, and that's me just telling it like it is, bro.

Oh, well that hurts. That's very insensitive Sam, and I think you're a good guy. No, yeah, I do, of course. Yeah, I have a self sabotage in me, you know, it's You try to don't all comics have it that way. Yeah, not I don't think I have any relationships at all. I do I think Joe is very good at distancing himself from those negative thoughts Like I even talked to Sarah about this one so she's like the part. She had the same thing I think it's like, you know, I don't know if it's okay to talk about this. Yeah Yeah, but like she's like the addict in me was like I want like I want what's bad like, she's like, the addict in me was like, I want, like, I want what's bad.

And then she's like, I had to stop and be like, oh, Joe is right from in sheet. And I relate to that feeling. Oh, that's really sweet. Are you never told me that before? Yeah, boy. That's really sweet. I relate to that kind of like, let's see if this,

and I don't have gotten better at it, but it's like, you have to stop and think before just going with it, you know? Was she cheating on me? I think so something about a Mark Norman. Oh Jesus Christ That's what you do. I try to make someone not give us Holocaust isn't real you're a dumb judo's and now you're gonna talk about You're gonna talk about my life partner having sex with my other life partner

two things with stories Jesus Christ what was this conversation? I've talked I've seen it shows we talk was it like a month ago two years ago It was a while ago. It's probably like six months ago I'm gonna have to hear nor but this off the air. It sounds like she was having sex with somebody and she did you talked her out of it? Yeah, all right, well. I think she's saying when she started dating you, she had those feelings where she's like, I don't know if this is, it's like, he's good. And sometimes you have that feeling like good

as not always, it doesn't feel right. Yeah, Sarah was really reluctant to date me in the beginning and she kept talking about how my room was messy and how I was, you know, I was just, I shit in a girl's shoe a couple of months before, she was skeptical, and then much later it came out, it was all the herpes. It was all the herpes.

She's like, you have herpes, you talked about it, I didn't want herpes. And just for the record, she does not have herpes to this day. Just in case we break up, I don't want to ruin her chances with Sam. So anyway, the messy room is never, I think girls just expect the guy to have a messy room and if he's a clean room, you know, you're just like,

all right, it's a plus, but I don't think you expect that. It shouldn't issue thing though, that's a bad one. I think if you're getting, Sarah's not older, but if you're in your 30s and you're trying to figure out if the guy's gonna be the right guy for you and his room is just an atrocity, it can be a microcosm into their mindset in the way they handle themselves.

I just look at it, cleaning my room is like, it's a last, I can be writing jokes now, I don't want to be, you know. Well, a girl's not interested in that, that their priority is to write jokes. I mean, that's what I'm talking about. But that's it, but I'm saying is like, you look at it as a sign of messiness, but I'm like writing jokes to a sign of being driven. So I think it is, if you break it down, this is why my room's a mess. That's a good point. So it think I think it is if like if you break it down this is why my room's a mess. That's a good point.

It's not just pure laziness. It's a good way to spend it if you're trying to get laid for sure. But I know what you're saying and wait what we talking about a second ago. The dirty room maybe. Herpes. Herpes. Distinct to yourself. We're talking about you distancing yourself from the room.

You're banging Sarah on the side. Yeah. You're gonna say that. No, I don't know. But because I remember you meeting a girl and she was like a hot girl and she was into the nicks and she was very supportive. That's a good one. That's like perfect on like dating website mindset. We like we've the same interest but like you do kind of either. Yeah, maybe I did sabotage myself a little bit. I just felt like kind of either. Yeah, maybe I did sabotage myself a little bit. I just felt like I remember one night, the, the, the, the, that relationship ended. I remember the one you're talking about.

Yeah. I was out of the show and I was having, I might have think with you guys, maybe I was like out, I was drinking, I was having fun. Yeah. And she was like, you got to check in. You got to make the check in call. And I was like, oh, the fuck in. Yeah, I was kind of like, I was like, this is crazy. I was like, mom or something. I remember I that's exactly what we come back to right. Right. That's what I don't want. And she was Asian. So then I said, um, I, I, I just was like, this is not what I, I want. She was like so concerned. I was cheating on her. I'm like, I'm not cheating on her. Oh, wow. That's tough. And then I'm out right now. And then, uh, yeah. And it's like, you know, I, so I, I guess the next day she's like, well, if you don't,

you know, maybe I'm not, I was worried there's gonna be like a messy breakup but she's like, maybe this isn't. Oh, I said, maybe you're looking for like a different guy and she's like, maybe I am and I was like, hmm, wow, that's nice. Love a good breakup. See that's what's nice,

my girlfriend has no check in with your bin, who are you with, none of that. She trusts you. Yeah, well that's what's nice. My girlfriend has no check in with you, Ben, who are you with? She trusts you. Yeah. Well, that's what the sobriety is helpful when you're both sober. I think all that cheating nonsense comes when people are up for it. Is Saragit sober because of you? Or... No, she was sober long before we were dating. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So anyways. Did she help you get sober? She was helpful. Yeah, she wasn't the reason I got sober, but she was certainly helpful. She was like, find her. Sam is going for a second test of the episode here.

Sam is great for me because I'm such a bad peer and everyone tells me I'm diabetic and I'm gay and I have a small dick, but he makes me look alright. Yeah, he makes you look good with the small bladder. Deepo, can we check in with Deepo? What's going on in the thing here? In the chat room, we got a couple things in chat. Oh, tell me. Foccio TV says, Scopo didn't see a comic at Sacred Heart

because he didn't know what comedy looked like. All right, well, that's a... There you go. That's kind of a burn. It's attempted a burn. It's kind of a burn. I mean, I pretty would know if a guy was standing on a stage telling jokes.

I'm not that retarded, but... That would be great if there was that guy. uh... that retarded that would be great if there was that guy what is he doing what's going on right now he's saying things what is that about what else we got uh... when i want to meet

when Greg was telling this story nuno cardasos says if will was there this story would have been interrupted every 30 seconds well what does that mean was that mean uh-huh oh boy that sounds racist to me i'm gonna write a letter to uh the blogs whatever i wish will was here will was supposed to be here i texted him and then i called him and then no show and no response back i don't know maybe maybe found out you were hosting and said, I don't have to be here. Wow, because Will is good because he does

when you're, if you're hosting, it's very nerve-wracking to try to keep it moving, but Will keeps it moving by doing those little sides. John McCarthy says, seeing that Greg has that piece of pizza behind him, can you ask him to explain emo's and St. Louis pizza? Wow, interesting. Absolutely.

Can I do that? Yeah, get to it. What is St. Louis pizza? It's a different kind of Can I do that? Yeah, get that into it. What is St. Louis Pizza? It's a different kind of pizza. You know, actually just experienced it. I don't know if Sam had it when he was there. St. Louis, it's a completely different style pizza. Well.

It's, yeah, it's got, first of all, it's very thin, and it has, it's cut in squares, very small squares. Sounds like Sam, thin square. I think square. Is it like Sicilian slices basically? No, no, they're very thin, thin slice, very thin, like razor thin. And then the whole thing, it's called Provelle cheese. And you can't get it anywhere but St. Louis. And it's, it's a mixture of Provellone, American, and something else. I can't remember

why. And it's, and it's got a weird consistency to it. Even Domino's has the Provelle in St. Louis. They do? I know that. Yeah, yeah. yeah yeah and you can if you can't get anywhere but sanlo's and my my friend on this uh... gris he's he's from he was in the came to visit he had it and i liked it and he went on his dad like a great guy that owns all these restaurants and he's like dad they have this cheese that you can't get anywhere but he's like niki that's fucking stupid you could

get cheese anywhere he's like he's like he's like no dad they you good and then you couldn't get it like it's the only way I'm pushing get it. It's good pizza Emos is like the the main chain, but there's there's a lot of different You know in Italy they don't they only have like Sicilian slices Oh, they don't have like the regular slice at all. They don't make it like that Which is a little little weird and Israel they all look like Sam every single person Bushie eyebrows and a weird penis Like agents too, they have you know I feel like I'm more ethnically ambiguous

I love the joke, but I feel like I could pass for like any fucking middle-eastern. Yeah, you could go Greek I think Yeah, you look Greekish because the angle you could be like a Janus junior. Yeah Anything else in the chat room worthroom worth noting uh... there's one more thing uh... when Greg was telling a story uh... just in huckabee said that voice what the guy star in the ice pirates i don't know that ice pirates i didn't get that the coach is an ice pirate i don't know what a nice pirate is what's ice pirate i don't know i should probably go to the google ice pirate

the he might have been but pirate was talking about jay uh... uh... come on Probably Google Ice pirate he might have meant but pirate was talking about Joe oh Come on, maybe he meant ISIS pirate and was talking about People burning other people alive Good one. Oh, Jace Was anyone shooting on me give me the truth man people shooting all over me in there? No, they're actually complaining about the video feed, but everything's green on our end so all right Well, I do have a giant forehead look at my size of my My head you don't have a head forehead and I'm leaning in so it looks extra

It's like 40% of my face. What are you kidding? Oh? You were looking at me. It's pretty bad. I wasn't it looks like my eyebrows and hair liner in a fight and like the foreheads Like stay away from each other you two. Oh my god. It's horrific Look at Sam with his list of mania t-shirt and Anthony Cumia t-shirt away from each other you two. Oh my god. It's horrific. Greg, you look great. I don't want to see me. Come on. Look at Sam with his list of mania t-shirt and Anthony Cumia t-shirt. Yeah. We're talking about eyebrows. Come on man.

Jesus. Yeah, those are some bad eyebrows. Yes, those are a problem but. What was I just going to say? I had something to say about the forehead. I can't remember. 40%? Giant.

Look at that. It's insane. Looks like I'm going bald. I don't see it man. Wow. God, I'm gay. All right. Well, I should look at that. It's insane looks like I'm going bald. I think I don't see it man. Wow God. I'm gay All right, well, I should stop saying that. What was it? Oh, let's talk about Sean Penn speech in the uproar It's caused I didn't I didn't see it So I heard about it but man wins best Oscar a best picture I mean and Sean Penn is presenting it and he's friends with the director and producer who

Amazing director was like really good friends too not like yeah, they wait in Sean Penn is presenting it and he's friends with the director and producer who wins the Oscar. It was like really good friends too. Not like they wait until 21 grams in the 21 grams. Yeah, really good friends. So yeah, your girl. Yeah, Jesus. So Sean Penn opens the envelopes, the big moments, the climax of the show and he goes,

he goes and the Oscar goes to who got this son of a bitch a green card. It's Alfonso, Soriano Whatever the other guy's name is I can't remember his name. What's it? Alejandro something. Yes, but he starts before he says his name. He said who got this son of a bitch a green card It's his buddy. It's this good buddy. It's a joke Busting his balls people are all up in arms call him up in arms. It's a man People are all up in arms callin' a bracelet up in arms. It's a man, you know, this is the PC shit This is the PC bullshit. Oh, you can't say anything. This is why like Sean Penn He just doesn't give a fuck he's that good of an actor like he doesn't need it's also the most liberal dude And there's no nuance. There's no room for nuance, or

I can't think of it. It wasn't it wasn't just taking a shot at him. It was just a joke It was like oh this guy's not a mission. Penn. He was probably wasted. That guy boozes. Also like a few years ago Chris Rock hosted and he did the Jude Law joke. Do you remember that? What's Sean? Jude Law? He goes, he's in every movie. He's like who is that guy? He's in every movie and then Sean Penn comes out and goes in answering our stupid host. He is one of the finest America actors. Yeah, so he's got no sets of humor about that, but now he's got the green card thing. Yeah, you know, it's just, it's like, I think I bought it early about like the people just

like public, publicly just, it's a mob and the mob mentality is always, they think they're always right. They want to be outraged. They want to be outraged for a guy being outrage They love to get angry shit. Yeah, the townspeople in the Simpsons man where they always just like always gang up together They're opinion could be swayed. It doesn't matter if they're right or wrong But they like get together and they try to start a shit storm and it's like it's like that's their form of the Entertainment at the Oscars is getting pissed off.

If you were to do that, if that was your buddy and he did that, who would not enjoy that? Right. Yeah, that's... fuck. Yeah, if you want an Oscar Sam, I'd be like, oh my god, he thinks Asians are horrible. People would never marry one small dick maro. And I would say God damn it Joe, that was pretty funny. And I would do okay with it. Yeah, I would be all right with it too.

Who's talking about this guy, huh? I'd be very cool because their value systems are... No, if I wanted to ask you, what would you say, Sam, you're presenting me, I'm the best director. I would say worse forehead in the business, hard to look at, Joe West. I just said I was sensitive about it. Okay, I'm sorry.

Jesus Christ, Sam. I would say five head, that would've... Oh, classic, did you write that? Someone get this guy in Visaline, huh? Oh, Jesus, Chris, we're roommates. I'm gonna five head. Oh, classic. Did you write someone get this guy in visoline? Huh? Oh, Jesus Chris We're roommates. I'm gonna shoot on your toothbrush stick it in my butt. I'm sorry. I keep saying weird Yeah It's kind of already took care. Yeah flick it off and how do you like jave you bummed into jd. All other roommate? We have an interview. Yeah, he's fine guy. Yeah, this guy

How do you like Jamie bump into J.R. other roommate? We have an interview. Yeah, he's a fun guy. Nice guy It's kind of bad for him. I'm not gonna lie like what do you feel bad for that? But like he's has a kitty definitely. I don't know I don't know is maybe he got divorced and some fucking she devils making him pay what do you mean? Maybe he got divorced. Have you seen an Indian woman? I mean He's just chilling with me young white guy He's like this is my summer home And I was in a fucking apartment. He was doing...

He's like, this is my summer home. Yeah! No, I'm like, I feel... I'm going out for a while. Honey, I'm going to go live with three dead-bit comedians for six months to a year, ten years. I'm going to business when I go when I see a goal. No, I feel bad.

Like, he's some fucking cheat devils trying to fucking make it and pay the hair rent and his rent. I think he's got a fucking... And you got to live with three fucking comedians Yeah, and one of them's you yeah, now You're in a good roommate so far you added that little foot Bath mat you like that I like it. Yeah, cuz you know why cuz you got other showers dripping all over the floor Now that this sucks, so you got a bath mat because when you get out of the shower you're dripping on the floor the water Would you be on the floor I see that makes sense, yeah, it's not bad. Instead of dripping on the floor, you're dripping on the bath mat.

I'm gonna do one of those, too. It's not bad. It's a good sales pitch. I'm thinking about, I was kind of curious what my weight is the other day, and then sometimes it'll fluctuate. So I'm thinking about getting a scale. Mm, okay, all right.

You know what, I was gonna go home, I'm going to bedbath and be on after this shit. I'm gonna go. It's not bad. I haven't been on a scale since 1991. Yeah, speaking of skit I want to talk about this now go I know you don't want to talk about the wrestling You're very humble because you were seventh in the country and you should have been better

But what I showed a man I lost a stupid man. I should have been six Do you do sleep over it though couldn't crack the top four to save my life, but yeah Should have been fifth or six. They'll let us a really stupid match seven does a cooler number But what about the scene? I don't know who saw Foxcatcher, but there's a scene where Channing Tatum's character loses, I think it's like 20 pounds in 30 minutes or so. It's like something crazy.

It's 12 pounds, I think, in 60 minutes. Is that possible? Did you ever do anything like that? Yeah, I mean, I lost nine and a half and two hours one time. Wow. Yeah. Well, is there a dump involved?

Do you take a ship? No, no, no, it's all dehydration, man. There's, you don't have any, yeah, and it's all dehydration. Wow. So where are you there? You can't do that anymore in this sport. Is that, is that leader?

Well, what they used to have is like, you have night before weigh-ins. So you weigh in the rest of the next day, or if it's a dual-meat five hour weigh-ins. You have five hours to recover. Now, to cut down on the sheets you'd weigh in the rest of the next day or if it's a dual meat, five hour weigh-ins. You have five hours of recover. Now, to cut down on the sheets and hour weigh-ins, you can't do all that shit because you can't recover. Right.

But I would lose nine and a half pounds and then get on the scale, barely make it to the scale. And then I have all night to just drink, ate, and eat, and all that stuff. What do you do? You just don't eat anything? You don't eat anything, you don't.

It's not so much that, I mean, that you try and if you're if you're doing it right I wish I would have known more about nutrition, you know back then But like if you do it right you just you kind of stay eat right eat well and you're probably The guys that did it right you however about 10 over what you're gonna wait and then that within the the last 24 hours Then you start to dehydrate and you know back, we would just like seal off the showers, turn them on, and we'd put on like those plastic sonas with your legal now and bunch of sweatshirts, and we'd just ride the bike.

Did you have a sauna in your, in your, we had a sauna, but it was like, that was usually, the sauna in the steam room was usually for like the last half pound, where you just couldn't, you just couldn't even do anything anymore. I remember me and my friend Buddy Smith were in this steam room and I was state. It was the best name, I think.

Yeah, Buddy Smith. And I love that guy. And we were both so close to just quitting. Like it was, and it was the last, it was a way in for the big A championships. And we couldn't even walk barely. So we were just sitting in the steam room and rooper would come in every now and with a hose and hose us off to cool us down a little bit and we keep we try to drink the water from the hose you know quit

fucking drinking the water wow yeah you're so dehydrated you want to drink the wild sport yeah it's it's an ugly I don't like that part about the sport I wish and a lot of it's some it's gone but yes that rang don't like that part about the sport. I wish in a lot of it's some of it's gone But yes that rang really true that scene with the shults. No thing he ate He was gonna quit and he ate a bunch of food at that point right so he threw up probably five pounds You know he was stuffing right right right right right well I ran across country and uh none of that we just ran I ran for that's that's the most brutal sport and none of that we just ran. I ran for that's the most brutal sport.

Because you just run and you just keep running. I ran for three. It's awful. The cross-country is the sport. You're doing the activity that other sports use to punish. Right, right, right. They're athletes. Yeah, it's interesting. It's like going up to the pull-up team or something.

It's like that, you know, like. It's brutal. Yeah, if you fuck up, you're gonna go run. Right. That's the whole sport right there. Yeah. And you can't, at least wrestling when you're tired, you have something to distract you from, like, oh, I'll just, you know, shoot on this guy's leg, or I'll learn a different technique. And cross, you're just gonna keep running. Right. Well, when cross cross, he reminds me of comedy a lot, because it's completely you and you're in your own head. It's so time-oriented and it's, you're you're trying to pace and it's it's a very similar kind of

hate running thing I loved it really it got me through high school it's funny because I had no anxiety or stress whatsoever in high school I think I was running eight miles a day and then as soon as I stopped my whole world came I was running a ton and I had plan our fast yitis which is a nightmare I got it to me yeah it sucks so sucks. It doesn't go away. So It's kind of stopped now, but if I started running it might start back up again. You got a shinspin. Were you good? Yeah, I was good. Yeah, I ran. I was the captain of the team. I'd seen the yard. Fast guy went to track spring track in the cross country

Because you like 3.1 miles back then. Yeah, what would you run? OK, you know what's funny? I don't really remember. I really remember my home course time, which is a 2.7 mile race, which I ran 1509, was my friend. Wow. I guess his mile was 4503 air in the mile, which was as well. That's pretty good. Yeah. It was pretty good.

And then my team, I ran cross country winter track and spring track, three seasons times four years. And we won the our conference championship every year. I won 12 conference championships as a team. Would you run the one mile in the two mile? I ran the mile in the 800 meters and then that's a that's the hardest race they say that half mile because it's like you kind of have to be spreading for a half mile. It's a weird. Yeah, it's a weird distance. The 400 is the best meat, I think, though. Because it's a sprint, but it's kind of a mid-distance.

And it's so classy to me, it's just a once-around-the-track. Just go around. And I loved it. I loved hanging out with the guys, you know? If we get those bloody nips. Oh, all the time, yeah. I still get them now just from masturbating, but I got a pair right now. I quit master. I quit watching porn at least. That's good. See, I've

never been a part of you. What are you talking about this? How do you quit watching porn? I've never watched porn. I've, I've, I've, she did like probably three times this year, which is pretty good for me. I mean, I'm pretty happy with it. It's just I just, I feel like better. I just feel better. Now, what are you doing in, in place? Sears catalog. I'm pretty happy with it. It's just I just I feel like better. I just feel better now What are you doing in in place? Sears catalog trying to think of stuff. Oh, that's nice Yeah, yeah, it's like it's hard when you like kind of quit porn and then you're like let me think of some stuff And all you think of is like porn I don't have a bad porn problem a lot of people like I watch porn for hours

I watch two three videos and I rub one out. Oh really? Yeah, it gets harder man, it really gets harder though I think. I was just talking to a guy, he was like 25 years old, he couldn't get bonus, he's watched too much porn. It ruins you. It's so fascinating to me, I've never been a porn guy. Yeah, whatever you want on there, it's insane, it's a buffet of just, you know. But you can watch whatever you want, you're not getting anything. I'm just watching strangers fuck it does nothing for me

I don't get it. It's not that I don't get it I just am like it. I'm not into it. I like to think about things that just happen to me I'm maybe we talked about it's like a long time ago, and you're like I think like an ex-girlfriend's leg like that gets me out That's like much more any kind of You know experience I've had I can do yeah, but now all of my past things are too far in the distance So I can only exclusively masturbate thinking about my girlfriend, which is adorable, but you drove off the Sarah? Exclusively.

Really? Yeah, not because, I mean, I'm attracted to her obviously, but it's just, I have to have a real thing. I can't like think about a girl I had sex with five years ago and porn is just strangers. I don't get it. But you're so, that's what it is. He never really got into porn. He's so connected. That's what it is. I never had porn as a team. I was too afraid to try to find it or whatever we could. We didn't have it. We didn't have internet. And then a molder than you think.

I'm 51. We didn't have internet. And then I never bought it. I was like, not like, I was a real square. I've had it for so long. I had it for, I mean, I'm even like six grade. We'd walk in like the bodega and get like a homeless guy to buy us porn. Oh, wow Yeah, and then Greg came and shot him and fucking doing the ground Give me Lego will will just text people by the way. Where is he is he here? Oh shit. I'm sorry Wow will is there is something adorable about him, you know There is something adorable about him, you know. It's Phil and guys, come on, I'm trying to talk to Deepo here. Say something.

You're in charge, Joe. Oh, all righty. I guess I was your whisperer with him. Yeah, we'll fucking, we'll, we'll, one of those guys, where you like, you fucking love him every time it's beach. I'm so will, yeah. And whenever will goes up with Big J. Okerson, it looks like a Pixar movie, you know what I mean?

They both kind of like weirdly, like, you're like, oh, they shouldn't be friends, but against a lot. Yeah, yeah. It's like what comedy does really gets people together. I love it. Yeah, you don't see a lot of white guys from Philly Friends with Black Guys. That's how he's going for it. That's a good point. I mean, they kind of look hilarious together. Like in a Pixar movie, be like a little bird and like a rhinoceros or something. You know, do a lot of people at the cellar, do a lot of comics go up together because a tell brings a lot of people up. Is it the only one who does that? It's kind of his of his thing tell doesn't J likes to talk to people from offstage will likes to get involved from offstage So will and J and Dave I think to and Jeff Ross and like already but they do it with like a tell usually

Yeah, I was down a couple weeks ago. It's how brought up Lewis Lewis was hosting. Yeah, I brought him up I'm like he I always tell likes to bring up the host to yeah yeah Yeah, he likes to bring up and that's I mean he just We know he has to do that for a show. I think he gets I think he gets bored too and like do it just kill so hard It's like it's like it's like a guy that you know He's been doing stand up for so long. They like let me let me let me make it risky. It's like Jordan with baseball Yeah except a tell is better with another person than Jordan was at baseball. Yeah. But it's any would have gotten better though. Jordan wasn't that bad.

He played, I mean, yeah. I mean, you know what fucking good he had to be with my mindily baseball. It wasn't really fucking good. I wasn't trying to take a jab at Jordan. I was trying to say it's hell amazing. I'm not going to say it. I thought he was, you know, fuck a Michael,

all right, I gotta take your hand up. Tito Frank Kota was his manager. And mine, at least. Oh, really? Yeah. Did you know, I was talking to your hand up. Tito Frank Kota was his manager. You mind? Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Did you know, I was talking to Chris about this the other day. Terry Frank Kota and I read a book about him and he's very much like Greg Warren, very humble,

like the most humble guy ever. He hit 750 in high school. He's seen here. 750 was his batting average, and his ERA was 0.08. Unhittable. What points do you start walking that guy if you just hear a reputation of staff? They probably did. They probably did. They probably walked there. He went three for four every game. Yeah. So did he go on to play? Oh, yeah, but he had knee and serious knee injuries. He put down plays his

comedy, his comedy, his ability. But if you read it, Google it, look it up, or read his book. He was like the best prospect ever He was like one of the most amazing baseball players, but he had horrible ideas. He played in the majors He just he played for the Indians, but he had some serious knee problems so many areas I mean do out of sports that knee injuries or whatever armate pictures. So many good pitch it was that Prior, Mark prior to Rifices. Yeah, it's great in a brothel and one of the best ever Mark prior was remember how good he was for that one year on the cause. He was on fire. Yeah

Speaking of prior that you watch they mark was he was an a-like two-year same with Kerry would Was it oh six oh three oh three Yeah, because they were young real young And they and they had those two arms. I'm like we're screwed. They really never panned out. They fucked them They his first had a DC career. I guess his first year though They he threw like 230 innings or something like that. Oh, blue's arm out Feed a pride. Did you see? Shown Wayne's Marlon Wayne's tape lead or at that for his audition?

No for the prior movie. I saw the clip, but I didn't click on it. I watched a little bit of it last night. It was it was okay It wasn't it wasn't fantastic, but it was okay when you see that like it's like when he saw Kinesen the guy playing Kinesens Do you see that when his clip leaked and you're like it's all right? It's he's not playing bridge a pride though Oh my gaps is oh is it yeah, yeah, yeah wow that when his clip leaked and you're like it's alright. He's not playing Bridge of Pirate though. Oh, my gaps is. Oh, is he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

So, I don't know why they leaked that one, but I thought I don't know how my gaps is going to be, but I thought my lines are okay. It's pretty good. So there is a movie coming out. Yeah. He's playing. Oh, I see what's happening. Okay.

Wow. Interesting. I'd rather see a documentary. I can't remember that. What? I always feel the same way, byopic or byopic, whatever the hell it's called. I'd rather see a documentary. You always twist it. Everyone's like, someone's great, but then you start finding out, oh, they had to make up the speeches because they couldn't get the rights to the speeches.

Steven Spielberg on them. Yeah, and then on top of that, they made LBJ again, like all these inaccurate facts. The wrong genes. The wrong genes. LeBron was president for the 60s. on top of that they made lbj again like all these inaccurate facts the ron again lebron was president for the sixty so it's being almost as false and uh... now that's what was so interesting about the civil rights case black people on the equal rights but lebron wouldn't let that that that's all may be

uh... i think we're gonna wrap it up here we got to be quick on the time we got to put up a jeez is now it's gonna be awkward we're at uh're at 82 minutes here It's a long podcast man. That's an hour and 22 minutes of bloody. Yeah, and we've been we've been treading water the last 10 minutes That wrestling crap are you kidding me? Oh my god? I got care about Sam projecting on girls. It's the worst. He's clearly gay and nobody gets a shit Wow, but that's how we're done with plugs and fingering each other, it'll be an hour and a half. Is this too short?

I don't know, it's up to you. You're the fucking leader of the show. Well, then what'd you interrupt for you, dummy? If it was up to me. What you wanna say, Chris, you obviously had an opinion about it. No, I just wanted to know how much time. I honestly thought it was like at 45 minutes, as well. You would just say no.

I know. You don't wanna, you don't wanna, you gotta go over to work, right? You gotta work, you gotta deliver garbage. What the hell do you do? Yeah, I pick up, I am 100% sure I'm gonna stunt busting Scopus balls. He is connected. He's driving around a Cadillac and he's like I gotta go to work after this. He works for some garbage. He collects money. He's a money collector for a quote garbage company. His name's Scopus. He's from Queens. He's got a big ass.

Waste management. Is that what you do? It seems pretty yeah. You, I'm looking at a guy. I'll say I will admit, my cousins are connected. I don't know. What do you let me call you gay for? We don't, I don't know. Is that a gay? I don't know that we're, I don't, no, no, no. Oh yeah, the company's tickets.

I don't know, I don't know those cousins at all. We don't talk to those cousins. But if you look up the name Scopo, it's like, it will come up. One got shot outside of his house. Oh my God. One like Dodd and Jail was like, that was hilarious. It was a better back the fuck off.

And then, I know, but like this is, I mean, I'm pretty sure my dad's not in it. I mean, wow, that's scary. He had a regular job before this one. He worked at a cosmetic store as a manager of his store. Scopo's life was kind of like a Bronx tale, you know? You had like your dad, he was like the good guy, and then I had another guy

Yeah, wow, that's interesting and here you are podcasting Congrats if you are wink wink wink. I'll take care of you friend of ours friend of mine. You're a friend of mine Yeah, you're good mine. Yeah, you guys know the secret code When you introduce someone you say if he's a friend of mine. That means he's like a cool guy But if you say he's a friend of ours, it means he's like a cool guy but if you say he's a friend of ours that means he's like he's connected yeah oh I don't know that

yeah see you learn something every day friend of ours is like you know that's when so lefty introduced down he's a friend of mine first and then the end of the end of the movie was a sunny red yeah he's a friend of ours right he's connected

uh... i just before we sign off here i just Greg Warren should know this about you. You guys just met Chris Gopos favorite movie, National Treasure, with Nicholas Cage. Yeah. And you may be wondering, has he seen the Godfather and good fellas? That might not even be a top five Nicholas Cage movie. No way is it a top five Nicholas Cage movie? Listen, uh listen there was a fucking invisible map on the back that deck of independence Crazy now. I'm not great. I remember leaving Las Vegas. I remember my I was so excited to see that movie and watching that movie I was like a 16 year old I'm never that feeling we'll never come back in my yeah He watches good fellows and national goes, this one's better. Listen, hey.

Even Vision Quest, huh? He wasn't in Vision Quest. No, no, I was just saying Vision Quest. He was a call back to the wrestling business and he's not in cheese. Okay, all righty. Change my life. Linnatic Fringe.

Sam Morel, tell him about your Twitter, your website, where you're gonna be. At Sam Morel, M-O-R-R-I-L, I'll be in Milwaukee next month, Comedy Cafe, I'll be in Buffalo. Yeah, it should be all right. You know, I'm doing a coward, man. I'm doing a one-iron. He will not be in St. Paul Minnesota this weekend. I'm doing it. Now, I'm not being Minneapolis. Yeah, a lot coming up both the more Scottsdale, New Haven't check out samrael.com and all that shit. Yeah, I was saying, I'm ill-real, one of the best comics in the goddamn city country. And it's a great, you're a sweet thoughtful man.

And I thought you were a piece of shit. I hated you for so long. A lot of people hate you because of me, I apologize. Yeah, I'll talk to you about it. I'll be here. And don't ever talk to my girlfriend again, I appreciate it. Greg Warren, where you at, at Greg Warren, right?

Yeah, yeah. At Greg Warren, W-A.R.R.R. E.N. I'm reading Dear friend I'm sorry. You're gonna read this. Oh, what is this? We got it can Warren finish his plugs here? Tell them the website all the stuff Greg Warren comedy.com I'll be on the late late show tonight. Yes, if you're listening live When does this come out? Come on next Monday, but it's on live on the video And check out Greg's been on you just did you can YouTube it probably just didn't set my ears. It's all in there

Yeah, and how to go try reading this now. It's a good man Good. Yeah, you know. Oh, hey, everyone do why razors are so expensive Maybe it's because razors are loaded up with so much shave technology expensive, maybe it's because Razors are loaded up with so much shave technology. Vibrating handle, 19 blades, a laser pointer, a compass, a thermometer, and a back scratcher. I don't need any of that. And it's not fair to make me pay for it. I was sick of paying out the nose to get a great shave. That's why I made the switch to DollarShaveClub.com.

DollarShaveClub does does, fuck. DollarShaveClub.com delivers amazing razors and grooming supplies for a couple of bucks It's simple and it's smart. It takes two minutes to get going and then you never have to worry about razors again DollarShaveClub.com gives you a free handle and then they send you a replacement blades for just a few bucks You get a blades delivered every month or every other month. Your blade arrives like crock clockwork. Stop squeezing weeks of shaves out of a dull razor and start treating yourself to a fresh blade shave any time you want. Believe me when I tell you the DollarShaveClub.com blades are fantastic, unbelievable. Samarilla uses them, Greg Warren uses them. I've never had a closer shave and neither of they upgrade to a smarter way to shave. Get your shave gear where I get mine. DollarShaveClub.com slash Kelly. That's K-E-L-L-Y.

Shave time, shave money. DollarShaveClub.com slash Kelly. One more time. That's DollarShaveClub.com slash Kelly. K-E-L-L-Y, Roberto Kelly. Chris, what's up there, Twitter? Let's get you to the thousand for God's sake. Yeah, I had a couple good lines today. Hey, Chris Copo on Twitter. That's a dick. March 21st, I'll be with Louis J. Gomez in somewhere in Washington, you can go on his

site. Deepo. TheRealSDo.com. You can follow me on Twitter at R2DPU on Twitch, on Facebook, on Twitter, and on Instagram. That's it for me. Nice. I'll be, I'm Joe List and March 20th and 21st. I'll be at Joker's Wild in New Haven, Connecticut.

And then all you guys up in the Northeast, Montreal, I'll be at the Comedy Nest April 15th, 16thth and 18th 16th 17th and 18th not the 15th and Montreal best city in America if you ask me and It's just a beautiful place and I'll be at Side Splitters in Tampa the following we can April 23rd 24th 25th and you can follow me at Joe List Comedy and Check out Tuesday's with stories over on iTunes and SoundCloud and a bunch of you have already listened so we sure appreciate it. And oh, what do I have to do there? Oh, just look the camera in the eye.

Oh, I got to look the camera in the eye? Yeah. Oh, that's embarrassing. Well, I can cover my forehead up here a little bit. I was trying to face the right way on Letterman. Oh, boy. Deepo. Try to.

Steak one at the end. It's right. Hold on to that one. Yeah. And I want to thank Robert Right. Hold on to that one. And I want to thank Robert Kelly. I miss you, buddy. Bobby Kelly, Robert Patrick Kelly, one of my favorite guys and that TV show's coming out soon.

I'm sure we're going to read his dates here in a second. I imagine. That's all scopes. That's me right there. Sorry. Well, I'm glad I'm here. I was excited to see Bobby, and he's off in a ruba, like a son of a bitch but uh... please

hopefully floats yeah well bobby thanks for the uh... having me and thanks for all the fans that uh... you've uh... give me and have forgot to have sam marille and Greg warren on the show when you're here sam in the bowl sam only gets booked when i'm here marille and uh... Greg what do you guys know each other great bobby you i went once in a nice guy now well that i met a long time ago great guy i think you guys would hit it off? Bobbie and you? I met one, see a nice guy. Not well.

I met him a long time ago. Great guy. Well, I think you guys would hit it off. You have similar values, Sam. All right. Thanks for listening guys. And his, his Bobby's dates from Chris. And thanks very much.

March 6th, 7th. He'll be the Arlington Drafthouse in Allington, Virginia. March 20th, the Mahaffee Theater in St. Petersburg. March 27th and 28th. The Comedy Works in Albany. And then May 14th, 15th and 16th, he'll be at the left Boston in Boston, Massachusetts. Take care guys, bye bye. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet.

And they're all free. And they're all free. Shiet. Shiet. Shiet. Shiet. Shiet. Shiet.

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