Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Alphabet City | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #19

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder join forces and discuss who can make the best helicopter noise, the East Village vs. Alphabet City, who would have the best postmortem benefit, and much more. Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kidz-table-the-regz-w-robert-kelly-dan-soder-luis-j/id371045355?i=1000660381295  SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/  Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez  Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/  Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  Thanks to @johng.wav on Instagram for the new intro music. SPONSORS My Bookies Support the show get some MyBookie money on the house with code REGZ at https://bit.ly/joinwithREGZ LUCY https://lucy.co/regz and use code "REGZ" for 20% off your first order Small Batch Cigar https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/  Code: REGZ for 10% off + 5% Rewards points Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right. What's up, everybody? It's the regs. We're back. Dan Soda, Joe List, Luis J Gomez and me, Robert Kelly. We're in the real studio. We're in gas digital studios. Can I say if this does feel nice? I don't hate it. I don't like it. You don't like it. You don't. We have two likes, two dislikes. I mean? I don't hate it. I don't like it. You don't like it You know, we have two likes two dislikes I mean you don't hate anything until later when you call me dude. I didn't like it dude. I hate everything I hate most things but I like this this night. I feel location sucks. I hate you. We could all see each other Yeah, we could see each other in the other studio. I could see your toes which I'm uncomfortable Yeah, Lewis is in his element here too.

Look at him, he's all relaxed. It's like when you go over to your friends house and walk out with a robe on. Gentlemen, please sit behind a microphone. Bobby, this sandwich I get every day. I did it. How great is that sandwich? It was great. A little local flavor. And they do have all kinds of little toys.

But we're way in the middle of nowhere. We're in the East Village. It's Alphabet City. You and Ari both try to We're the East Village one of the alphabets city You and Ari both try to call this the East Village not alphabet city. It has its own name. It's alphabet city alphabet city Yes, Louis go pull up a map of New York City. There's no neighborhood called alphabet city. This is part of the East Village You'll see okay. You'll see Google City and see what comes up. Yes, I understand alphabet city is what fucking Called it in the wow Wow 90s three under three minutes in you're already using the work

They didn't call it something pussies. We are we're now we're cool with this. Everything's good. Trump's coming back Everyone could say all right. Do me a favor shut up You used it in a sentence Listen This is alphabet city, but I'll tell you this. The walk is I mean, I walk by three people nodding off. There's a lot of sleep. It's called Slumber Town.

It's not it's Alphabet Alphabet City, a slumber town. Look at that. Whoops. Alphabet City. Alphabet City. Alphabet City. It says that Alphabet City. Why don't you Google it? I hope I say no. Pull up. Alphabet city. It says that Alphabet city on the map. Why don't you Google it? Pull up a map Natalie.

Is the East Village a park? Is that what the East Village is? The East Village is above Alphabet city dude. Hold on now. Hold on now. Hold on now. I don't want to see where the studio is. It's in Alphabet city. The bees. I was going to to see where the studio is. It's an alphabet city

The bees Louis I was actually gonna make an argument for you, but you didn't want to give a no I did I did because This is a picture. He starts at Avenue B. No, that's according to this horse shit Doesn't say exactly where it is Avenue Avenue B is where Alphabet City is. I don't know if we're on Avenue B. Point on the map where we are, please. We can't. We can't give up the studio. The enemies.

They can point to it for us. They don't say it. Do they see this? They can see it. Of course they can see it. Okay, yeah, no. You know what, Lewis? It's literally way closer to the East Village marker right there. Yeah, but that's just a marker I don't trust whoever's doing the googling they work for you. They all they work for you. Technically. That's the gas. There's no way That only works directly for you

Service we put in the bathroom on the wall. They knocked out the service. Don't forget they work for you They go in there. They just punch that sign while they're pissed and if they don't I'll punch's in the bathroom on the wall. They knocked out the service. Don't forget, they work for you. And then they go in there, they just punch that sign while they're pissing. And if they don't, I'll punch them in the face. Don't worry. Also, Lewis claimed that Elphabit City wasn't a neighborhood, it's on the map. Yeah, he is one for two.

He's one for two. Up, up, up, up, up. The Joe alarm, the Joe alarm. Only Joe's mouth can do that. His name comes from the avenues A, B, C, D. Let's move on. We get it. I'm wrong. Yes, okay. Thank you. Isolate that. Now, Natalie, I want you to isolate that.

I'm wrong. And I need it as a drop. We need it with no one. Let's talk about each other. Say it one more time. I'm right. You're a fucking bitch. No, no, no, no, no. I'm right, I'm wrong, I don't care. Yeah, you do.

I don't care about me. Can I tell you? What? I've learned just fucking say you're sorry and move on. Say you're wrong and move on. I appreciate that. If everyone did that, we would all just get along. Yeah.

What? What the fuck do you have a fucking shit-fuck bitch? He's running for mayor. Yeah. If everybody. That's what Rodney King should have done. He's running for gayer. And he's gonna win in a landslidelide, a muddy butthole landslide.

Good to see you boys. Good to see you guys, too. What's happening? What'd you got? You were away. I was away. Where were you? I was in Gig Harbor, Washington. And boy, did I have a nice time. We had a big water balloon fight. My nephew sat in a hammock.

We were whipping water balloons at him. That's fun. And boy, was it fun. Although it was like a and boy was it fun all the way to the west coast yeah what do you mean I go there all the time I didn't know your whole family traveled that's like a whole family my son's been on 14 flights day you did a family vacation yeah well we worked too that's a new thing do family vacations workation I'm on vacation every week and it's kind of fucking with me how do you do it Wednesday I leave I leave Wednesday after the bonfire drive up to New Hampshire Workation. I'm on vacation every week and it's kind of fucking with me. How do you do it? Because Wednesday I leave, I leave Wednesday after the bonfire drive up to New Hampshire,

Wednesday night, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, all day Sunday, Sunday night around 9.30 I drive back. Literally took it, took my son's best friend away from him for the summer. Dude, don't. I've invited you to come out. I'm not going. Why? To come.

Wherever the fuck that is. Let me tell you something. I couldn't point a bow. Hampshire. To come out going why to come wherever the fuck Up a map of the United States that's unmarked. I will not be able to Third world countries seven times a year. Yeah, but that's when Lewis has got hot pussy on his arms sure That's right good come up you and James for the weekend hang out Thursday Friday Saturday this weekend we drive no we're not there this weekend where are you we're here I'm at the cellar Friday and Saturday night come to Vegas with me and James on Friday I can't I'm sorry James do in Vegas I'm selling the house he goes dad I've been thinking about the Santa

guy why can't we get him in the summer? You know, where are all these presents? Why don't you come out? The last two weeks of August were there. Just come up, you and James. Dude, I'm gonna cancel my last all those shows. Buddy, come the fuck up. Fuck stand-up. It's not gonna work out, dude. It's not gonna happen.

I can't afford it. You can afford it and the club can afford it. Listen, you're doing them a favor. Better for them, yeah. Club goes, oh, we can rebook that, that's fine. Speaking of dates, we had to reschedule the Cape Cod thing. Sorry about that. We had to reschedule it. We're going to get that new date up as soon as possible, working it out.

Things happen. Sorry, sorry. The new date will be in New England. More things should have happened. We say things, meaning people going and buying tickets. Yeah. Well, that's what I meant, things happen. Things were not happening. Things were not happening.

Turns out, Cape Cod, not a fan of the Reds. Well, here's the deal. Thursday night. Thursday night in Cape Cod. We sold like 500 tickets out of 2,200, which in my opinion, that's a win. I would have done the show, I would have been like, let's party, baby.

25% full, it's a Louis J. Gama special. Let's party. Anyways, we're rescheduling it in Boston, I think. It's gonna be awesome. And less pressure on you. We'll get a Friday or Saturday night. So you don't have to take off work or whatever, but you definitely should come up.

You and James, dude, we'll go fishing, we'll hang out. We'll be at the lake all day. I'll do it, it's just not gonna happen. I need an alpha male up there. I need somebody to fuck and take care of business when people fuck with me. It makes it sound like you need help. You get fucked with up there?

I got, well, you know, cause I told you I've changed. Sure, you're not violent Bobby anymore. I'm not violent Bobby anymore? Not your shirt, you had that on last time. Huh? You had that shirt on last time. No!

Why do you always wear the Mark Normans shirt? Did we put it in the bomb Dana? It's a Laugh Boston shirt. Oh no, we don't have the bomb Dana. That shirt on last Why you always wear the mark norman sure It's a laugh Boston cherry. Oh, no, we don't have the bomb Dana and yeah, we do It's a bomb sandwich. I wish I had see Bobby. Yeah. Yeah, I would have thrown his face I would so are you wearing a mark norman piece of merch? I'm not this is laugh Boston right here comedy comedy and So so you're saying right now, oh, the bomb bell. The bomb bell. It's the truth, the bell of truth. Bell of truth. That's the bomb bell. Bell of truth, yes. I had a guy confront me about some stuff. In New Hampshire? On my association, because you know I bought my land and put the tiny, then I bought

another piece of land so that we can have beach. You can wheel the house on over there. No. You can put it in the wheelbarrow. You can't build it. And then move it on over. It's just land so I can go down to the beach right down the street. Sure. And they're very particular, you know, so a guy-

You're riffraff. Well- They don't like riffraff. They call us townies. Damn. Why the townie? Townie's supposed to be someone that's from there. I live on the town road,

but I own a piece of land on the association. So then you go to where, like, all the rich people have nice things, even though you're not even a- Rich New Hampshire is not rich. Yeah, but you're not even them. You're below them. Yeah, he's rich New Hampshire.

Yeah, you gotta do, like, you gotta win some sort of competition to get proven in their eyes, like a water ski competition. A boat race. Yeah, a boat race. You know what you should do? You should register to vote in New Hampshire.

Then you get a vote that matters. Sort of. New Hampshire's a big state. That's why the primary is always there. It's funny up there because it does go by, well, it used to go Biden, Trump, Biden, Trump, right next to each other. All these people live next to each other.

It's pretty wild. Listen, I got, the guy came up to me, he's like, where you, you know, I was like, hey, how are you? And he said, where are you from? I told him on the bonfire, where are you from? Where you, I'm, I have a, up to me. He's like where you you know I was like hey, how are you? I need to say where you from I told her on the bonfire where you from where you I'm I have a up the hill where I have a piece of land. We just bought last year. What what what lot up on the top. I'm at the top Day where next to Jimmy Donlon he's I'm a cross from he just came and old Bobby would have been like who the fuck you Go fuck yourself. I was waiting for that. I was waiting for you to whole kill fuck you and your wife

I bought I spent a lot of goes That's what I'm trying to ask you to do I spent thousands of dollars on this fucking piece of land you so I could I didn't do that. What'd you do? I was I just I just panicked. It was like you took it. I took it I'll bring in the snake. It's making me mad right now is bringing the rattlesnake I took I was actually having an argument in the shower with him nice and Darwin who you're together She goes who you talking? Yeah, he goes get my fucking back, dude I just don't understand. We gotta come up. Did you take it all the water? Hold on trade places with me I know this move Don does it all the time. Yeah.

He just fucking took it. I took it. Did you befriend each other at the end though? No. Well. How did it end? It ended where I was like, oh I bought the, Hans, whatever the name is, I bought the.

Hans Kim? And the lady was like, oh okay, okay, okay. We know where it ended, and they were like, all right, all right, cool. And then he was like, all right, see you later, and he left. all right cool, and then he was a guy I'd see you later And he left but maybe maybe trying to look at a positive perspective Maybe that's good that you're now part of a neighborhood where they looking out because if you ever get you know near do well someone like

complexion Yeah, somebody That racism is okay, right somebody a little less like you're not someone that was annexed in the United States if you know But seriously they're looking out to keep not original. They want it pure Joe. You're you're right That is good that they are looking out making sure near duels don't show up. Yeah, but Still there's a way to do it and the way to do is hey. hey, what's up, I'm Robert. Hey, where are you from? Yeah, I just bought land. Also, you're not a ne'er do it, you're an old fat man.

It's not like you're a young black kid walking around with an ice tea and some skittles. Hang on one second. Like, what is this guy doing? I wanna say something right now to you. What do you wanna say? I'm gonna say right now. Please. You got a valid point.

Yeah. Now listen. I'm gonna say it like you're, I'm just, you're not a big fat, but I'm just like what if I were to see you I'd be like This man is probably here to either purchase property or set up a boat thing or they're not like you're not riff-raff like I'm riff-raff Yeah, I'm riff-raff. I would understand somebody laughs No riff-raff, you have no riffs at all I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I, he goes, I can't say it. I go, you can say it. He goes, he was a fucking dickhead. And I was like, he was a dickhead. You didn't correct that behavior for Max. No, after he said it, I hit him. I punched him in the face. I took all my anger out on him. Get out of the car. I belong here!

It does go back to, because everything I have, I'm like, I don't deserve this shit. I'm not supposed to be there. Anytime I walk down there, even though I paid and I'm there, I still feel like, you know, that's just in me, that's who I am. I just also realized Bobby is wearing children's jewelry, so maybe he thought he was a retarded person.

First of all. Hey, hey, hey, hey, where's the guy that watches you? You're not supposed to be this close to water. Every one of these needs something. Retards can't get this close to water. Let me just, let me just put on my. Hey, he walked up slow, the actual interaction was he goes, The retards can't get this close to water. You're right. Were they made for you? Let me just put on the... Hey!

He walked up slow. The actual interaction was he goes, hey buddy, do you like comedy? That's what your shirt says. What are you wearing? Wearing the Rolex? No, it's the Skydwell, the most complicated Rolex on the planet. It's the most complicated? What do you mean?

It's emotionally complex or what? It doesn't have the numbers on it. That's all it means. It has the lines. I fucking have no idea. Excuse me. That's how it means. It has the lines. I fucking have no idea. Excuse me. That's how it all started. The guy goes, what time is it, Bobby?

He goes, I don't know. This is the most complicated watch on the planet. He goes, oh, hey, you're lost. And Lewis for the save. Are you? And Lewis for the save of Dan Soda. That's all right. That's what we do here.

We tag-team. You guys want me to let you fall? Shake and bake, baby boy. I've been lifting your fat asses up for quite some time. You want me to let you fall watch You're gonna fucking hit the ground hard a lot. I don't like new angry Dan. I love it fired up Actually, I came in from therapy. This is a bad idea I had a mistherapy for this. Oh, no, I missed therapy also for this That's are you gonna get him before he goes on vacation? I

Also for this that's are you gonna get him before he goes on vacation? I? Also, so angry Bob they should have they should have a lot of these good episodes They should have a beauty competition called miss therapy with all crazy bitches You should come up even for even if you come up for Friday Saturday Sunday I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm booked non-stop. Oh, I thought you had no dates could have saved you no dates of L. But I did I don't do that no more. I deserve it Is the video of the there was like a dog saving a cat that was drowning? But there's like a person just videotaping it try to see if you guys could find it It did it's so funny like the dogs like struggling to save this cat and the person's just feeling oh

Hey, look at this and that was Dan just watching you guys with the camera Across the river it is annoying that everybody now will film a tragedy instead of helping Yeah like you go to other countries and Like men are just running towards the earthquake to get people out of the building here like here They're just every's on their phone. Don't forget to subscribe. Yeah, did you find that or no?

That's a good point. Subscribe. Is it this? Let's see. Dan brings up, let's see, maybe. Yeah, I think so. Let's see anything. Okay, here's a dog.

This guy threw the cat in the water to have this happen. You gotta start recording when I throw the cat. This guy's a serial killer, water to have this happen. You're so recording when I when I throw the cat This guy's a serial killer. This is what he does Guys don't see that sideways you jackasses He's pantless and the dog has a rope on his back to pull him out of the water. This is planned the cameraman It's horrible. Well. No I mean the the guy he has a rope on his back to get the dog This is a rope. It's called a leash leash. That's a rope. That's a water tug rope He saves the cat he could have done hello folks

He threw the cat in there this is a total plan fucking stupid video Why are we watching this come on? We got before the great comedic minds? I should have said three of the great comedic minds and then said and somebody that would have been a better That would have been a great comedic minds. That's the funny way I see it. I should have said three of the great comedic minds and then said and somebody, that would have been a better. That would have been a great comedic mind. Yeah, but you're not. I'm fucked up. I'm fucked up. By the way, Natalie oversteeped my tea.

It tastes like shit, I'm gonna be all wired. Wow. Bring back Danny. Danny, Danny, Danny. Why is Danny not here? Because he's getting his AR-15 to show up late. He totally didn't need to be here. He totally didn't need to be here. He probably didn't need to be here.

When he's not here, is he just in a dark room breathing heavy through his nose? He's doing magic in the basement. He actually told me a story that you met on Kill Tony and you gave him a standing ovation. Who, me? Danny. Danny. And it meant a lot that you, he did so well

that you stood up and gave him a standing ovation There's a well that he's so forgettable that I don't remember this interaction. I didn't know his name until one week ago He thought you were gonna be best friends Blow up when did this happen? Yeah, this is three this is years ago, but Lewis stood up and was. But we're saying that Lewis cosigns Danny's comedy. Yes. He probably did well. I mean, one minute in that moment, a lot of them suck.

But they're good. They really stand out. Now, Danny is funny. Yeah. He's, you know, a complete retard. I don't want to think I'm getting soft. I wouldn't want to. You're just trying to save yourself from the inevitable mass shooting.

But he is funny. Hey, folks, this episode of The Regs is brought to you by My Bookie. It's twenty twenty four 2024 and if you're still calling in your bets to some burnout, it is time to grow up. MyBookie Sportsbook and Casino platforms, you can bet on everything and win anywhere, anytime, all on your phone. I was just in Seattle. I wanted to play some bets on the US Open. I asked my buddy, I'm like, where can we play some bets? He goes, oh, there's a casino down the street. We drove down there.

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The promo code REGZ, R-E-G-Z, to claim a bonus on your first deposit so you can bet on anything with house money. Bet on anything, anywhere, anytime anytime only with my bookie You guys wanna know a secret? Yeah Yeah, I do. I love fucking secrets. Are you not supposed to tell people you have a girlfriend? Can we guess it? Let's all guess it you have a new girlfriend that we have to put up with you have a serious girlfriend Then we can't talk about your 23 and meMe came back. You're Arabic. You're going to Jamaica again.

I think I nailed it. I think Joe might have nailed it, but also Bobby might have nailed it, because Lewis loves himself. Lewis has a serious girlfriend. He's in love. She lives in Florida, and he is going to move there. And she has... And he's taking her to Jamaica!

Ding-dong-ding! Everyone's right. You're right. You're right. You're right. We're all right. Oh, my she's taking her to Jamaica. You're right. You're right. You're right. We're all right. Oh, my God. I'm the most predictable guy. Oh, and he got in the cab driver. Did I get it? Nobody got it. What? Oh, no, no, no, girlfriend.

Guess I haven't drank in three days and I'm taking a break for a while. Oh, why? That's great. Why? Yes, what happened? Because he broke up with his new girlfriend. You didn't just make that decision on your own.

Something happened. The state of New Jersey said that this DUI, because of your DUI. You smashed your car again. Your insurance is $7,000 a month. No, it was a few come. It was combination of a few things. My therapist was like, you should probably stop drinking. You're000 a month. No, it was a few, it was a combination of a few things. My therapist was like, you should probably stop drinking, you're drinking a lot.

Then my, I tried to go on testosterone. I went to my doctor and I was like, I wanna get on testosterone. I was like, I need to be energetic. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. For the sake of society. Your testosterone is at 11,000.

No, no, my testosterone was a little bit below average, but he was like, yeah, he was like, you drink and smoke weed every day. He was like, if you stop doing those things, your sauce won't be through the roof. Oh, that's why mine is so good. Yeah, probably. That's why you're such a man.

That's why you're the manliest on the podcast. What? Yeah, Joe List. What? The epitome of manliness. He does woodworking. So that my doctor was like, you fell into your firefighter.

He doesn't know how to build anything. You don't know that. He doesn't know how to fucking hold a hammer. He made Katie and I a lovely bird fucking hammer He's a woodpecker. I love You made Katie and I a lovely birdhouse. Yeah, make you anything. I'm build shit. What do you build? I built what's the last thing you built trust a book trust with Lewis you built a book built a bookshelf for Max his bedroom Yeah But writing a book was called building a book

I fucking wrote I built that book right there I built a fuck we went to the store. She wanted a bookshelf. They were like I 1100 bucks. I go I'll build it I went I spent twelve thousand dollars on wood and I fucking built three months later Dad you should have just ordered it from a catalog. The shelves are falling. I went to build a bear He's like do you guys do shelves? I built that pirate ship in the back. You know I build shit, dude You've been to my back Joe is the guy that doesn't build fucking shit I don't know whether we have to clarify that you didn't build a real pirate ship I built you know the pirate a little treehouse pirate ship for your son

You say I built the pirate ship people are imagining the fucking I'm not fucking sails on That's not the black pearl fuckface. Yeah, I built I put the sails on, dude. That's not the Black Pearl fuckface. But I built a pirate ship for the kid. That's crazy. I got a lap dance from Black Pearl last time we were at Skankfest. Yeah. I could smell it.

What have you built? A relationship with my wife. A new hour every year. There, they kinda used that one. We've done it. We've done all that. Do something better, Joe. Everybody in here is in a relationship with a woman. I like not helping Joe

That's a we come to gas digital fucking pick yourself up, but the people up at this Maddory's podcast not helping the very idea that you think you have to be able to build things to be a man I didn't say that I did not say that I not a man. I did not say that. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not men. Dan said that. That was your go-to thing. I did not say that.

I built. I don't remember saying that. First of all, Joe, I didn't say that. He said, you're the man, you build shit. I said, he doesn't build, I build stuff. Why did you get so mad about that? I didn't say it wasn't a man. Why couldn't you let Joe have that?

Because you're not a man. This is what I always say. This is manly. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses. I make so much money Doing what I love that's not I pay a man I pay a poor guy that looks like Lewis to hang my shit. See that's manly You bring in a guy. I go hey come hang my stuff What guy that looks a bitch? No, you're fancy you bitch. I do both

I do I do I do I do manlier shit than everybody here What and I don't buy also do I don't you You do. I do. You train the way moms train. Whoa. You do. Oh, really? Mom MMA. Mom MMA. Yeah, you do.

You do jazz. But you do M-O-M-M-A. Yeah, you do. All right, ladies. Now we're going to do some Lamaze breathes. You guys remember these. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, Joe does jazz.

Let's get off the trampoline, guys. Hey, Billy Blanks. Joe does jazz jitsu. get off the trampoline, guys. Hey, Billy Blanks. Joe does jazz jitsu. All right, guys, now you guys know this is called the back snuggle. This is a back snuggle. You don't really fight, Joe, you punch pads. Oh, we spar. Yeah, we know we we one time fucked around

and you crumbled like a pile of fucking. But what? What happened? When was this? Bobby hears potatoes where? What are they fried did put a pile of potatoes up there? What are you doing? Oh, I hate that I'm the fact I You kicked me in the shin and I have sensitive shins from distance running and wearing heels shins from distance running and wearing heels. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah, it hurt. Well, you're a fucking crazy monkey animal that can't spar. Whoa! You're not a spar. You laid your face for a lot of time. You piece of shit. You know, journalists said Puerto Ricans are monkeys. You heard him say it.

Wow, that's nice. He can't spar. In fact, our- Don't call me a monkey! Oh, God, he's going to start throwing poop. Our mutual trainer literally trainer literally pull me aside was like I don't want you fucking around with Lewis He doesn't know how to do the shit out of you. No, he's saying that I can't shift down to your girly Joe literally I'm just I don't know how to tell you this you should be sparring a pregnant lady You should be sparring a pregnant lady. We're all in trouble. Do you really think that he told you that? Because I'm so bad that what like what did you think?

This is absurd. Can I just tell you right now? I'm watching Lewis's face. This is upsetting him. No, I know what That's 100%. Joe, I brought in Marina Franklin for you. You don't have the ability to decide to go 40% or 30%. In fact, I can prove it I've told the story before please but here it comes again 30% every weekend at every comedy Don't tell me I can't do 30% yes who apologize the waitresses all the time I can't make that right Lewis You can't I realize as a headliner that can't sell out you cannot fuck comedy club waitresses being a middle when you're opening for people That is selling out you'll fuck those waitresses left and they're high on the money.

Yeah. When there's no money they go like, what the fuck is this? They blame you. Yeah, they go, I listened to your act too. Good, sorry. Joe? I did.

Lewis wanted to spar. I was advised not to spar, because he's a big dumb ape. And I said, well, he's like, I was like, Lewis was like, he goes, Louis presents this, he goes, what if we spar? I'll just do defense. I won't even be offensive.

This is how Joe got hurt. And I said, okay, great. Louis actually knows how to do it. Because I rolled with him at his house. You guys had gay sex, that's what that is. We had gay sex in front of Max and James and said, this is how it's done. We, he He wrote me and he could have, he took it easy. I mean, easily.

I mean, that was nothing. But you don't teach you James, it's. Yeah, but you didn't go too far when you could have. And you taught me, he's a good teacher too. At that time, I probably, what Diego was talking about was I didn't have the ability and the control to really keep it light. Like if I got caught. That's what I'm talking about was I didn't have the ability and the control to really keep it light. Like if I got caught, no I know.

If I got caught, I might come back harder than I should. That's exactly what happened. I think he's exactly what he said. And then I said what the fuck? He says you have no regulator. But that's not the commentary on me. It's a commentary on you because the only time he says that is there's somebody that's such a pussy

that God forbid they got hit for real that they would crumble. No, that's not what you said. You said if he hit you, you wouldn't be able to control your reaction to his hit. No, or I might literally just be out of place and throw a shot that's harder than I should be. But if you took a hit from, if he hit you, you said that you might have hit... He could hit me as hard as, and it wouldn't matter. Nothing? I don't agree with that.

No, Joe could throw his best punch at my face at your face don't get a glove this dude I would love let's do it now there's gonna be a glove here I would love to watch what turn what kind of punch can I throw Joe turning Lewis's button off would be the funniest thing in the world anyway let me throw a right cross. His fucking toes curl like oh. But we get like worried where we go, Louis, Louis. OK, Louis, get up. Louis, get up.

And he's like, it's got to be a jab all of a sudden. It's got to be a jab. I'm like, OK. You said best shot. Yes. Dan Lewis's feet just point out. He's going like this. Look, when you train, you know this.

Natalie's pulling out a glove right now. Here's the thing. I would let Joe go 100% in sparring, and I would try to go 10%. I would genuinely try that. What I'm saying is Joe- You don't wanna get punched by Joe right now. You don't have the skillset to go 10%.

No, me sitting there like this and letting Joe punch me his hardest with a straight right is fucking retarded. That's not- That's what you said you could do though. That's not what I said. It literally is what? That's not what I said.

It's literally what you said. You said you would take his best punch. You can pull back on it now. That's fine. Alpha Good City. Joe could punch me his hardest in sparring and it his best punch. You can pull back on it now. That's fine. Alton, good city. Joe could punch me as hardest in sparring and it wouldn't matter. I would continue to fight with him. If I punched Joe my hardest in sparring, he would crumble.

That's what I'm saying. Oh, that's of course. Yes. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Me sitting right here. But now you're specifying. That makes more sense. No, but me standing right here and going, hit me in the chin.

First of all, he's not going to knock me out. Second of all, no, you wouldn't knock me out. I think you could take it. There is a chance. Second of all, there's a puncher's chance. I would knock you out, but I could there is a chance there's always a puncher I would knock you up, but I could break your nose and that would be a bummer Well, I also wouldn't let you punch me directly in the nose guys. That's why you said I'm a human

I'm not a punching bag. Oh my god that made me feel sad Just like when Frankenstein's monster address monster fucking addresses the council. I'm human! Me! Person! Ha! Jamaica! Hot chicks! Will you be my girlfriend? Hot pussy! Comedy for pussy! Steel drum!

But yes, if you're saying I caught you with my best punch in a sparring match and you would still continue to fight and vice versa, I wouldn't fight. Why don't you? Nobody's questioning that. Your best punch. You weigh a hundred pounds more than me. Damn, you call him fat. Do you think you have a good punch?

Do you think you have a good punch? I think I got a pretty good punch, but I'm not gonna, I would not put Lewis on a knee in a sparring match. Have you ever been put on a knee in a sparring session? I've been. I've gotten on a knee. Yeah. I've been like, that's enough of that.

Thank you. I've been knocked down once in sparring ever. I've had to stop a couple of times where it was like, I got my bell rung and I was like, okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop it. Quit it. Quit it. Stop guys. Bless you. He just got sidelined by his knee. Bullshit. He goes, pussy. You're trying to push it. Dickless wonder! Have you ever been in any type of boxing or karate?

Boxing in Tucson, there used to be like a gym that my friend belonged to and I went and I was like, oh I'll do sparring, the guy hit me a couple times and I went, yeah I'm good! I was like taking the headset off. Dan had an Ari Shafir nose before that. Yeah, it used to be out there. I used to look like him. I looked like Toucan Sam.

I'll give you back your old nose. Follow my nose. Yeah, no, but at one time it was a little African guy and he was really fast, he had great footwork. It's so funny, he was just a cab driver that followed you into the gym. But he fucking, literally, whatever he did, my feet ended up crossing like this. And then he just went, I looked like that, and he went, like literally, whatever he did, my feet ended up crossing like this.

And then he just went, I looked like that, and he went, boosh! Like literally, just, it wasn't even like the hit was so hard, but my legs were completely crossed. Like what he was doing with footwork, he was like in and out doing all this shit, and he like twisted my legs, and I like turned, and he just hit me, and I was just floored on the ground,

and it was pathetic. His side of the story is he goes, I fought a gorilla and before the gorilla knew I had punched him in his head and I made him mad and my papa was proud. And then I brought the whole village water. Well that's the fun thing about all sports though is like you're a skilled fighter that guy makes you look retarded and then there's someone that would make him look like a fucking. Oh, yeah No that guy this is like an amateur level guy like that you yeah That's the thing before you know exactly where you're at do my fucking jaw the guy I was sparring yesterday The guy just hit me in the jaw like just three times in a row where I couldn't chew yesterday

It was all fucked up, but I'm I'm I'm feeling dude. I haven't drank Three days and I'm doing it till skank fest and then maybe I might stop drinking altogether Hey, that would be nice. Are you gonna drink at skank fest? So the plan is I'm still smoking right cuz I'm gonna stop smoking weed, too I think after skank fest I'm gonna go sober sober for a little while really. Yeah, why don't you go one day at a time? Got him because I'm not a bitch. I don't need a chip. I don't need a fucking dude to fucking check in I love to make them. Okay Poppy can't stop did yeah, I know Bobby they've turned into a problem

How do you feel not be I mean it feels good right I have a lot of energy today Yeah today. I'm like have you done comedy completely sober after you get high a lot you get so sensitive It's wild you're like, why are you guys mad at me turn into Nick DiPaolo? Fucking drove down here fucking who will be at Skankfest? Oh, yeah, because of this show. Yep there you can go back to the episode and listen to where we made it happen We're gonna have a fucking great time That's good. So so you're gonna drink at skankfest. Oh, yeah, the plan is still use drugs to I smoke weed Wait, I don't use drugs. That's legalized

Mushrooms, right? No, not really Once a year maybe okay, then I always feel bad about it. My stomach hurts Doesn't sound very manly damn Upset tummy tummy aches Yeah, I went to the doctor the other day i'm just You know, he's like go get this fucking gut health drinking is the cause of everything cancer brain disease heart disease I was like what is going on? Yeah, you said that alcohol does all that Yeah, he was like he was like you're literally poison you're poisoning your body That's the thing that connected with me where he was like he was like your he was like, what is going on? He said that alcohol does all that? Yeah, he was like, you're literally poisoning your body.

That's the thing that connected with me, where he was like, it's toxic. He was like, just so you know, I'm not making it up. It was so funny, because he was like, I'm not gonna push into testosterone. He stopped drinking for a little bit. And then I walk out of it, and I posted something about it, and Rogan hit me up, he was like,

dude, I'll introduce you to a doctor. And then Tony Hinchcliffe hit me up, he was like, these guys, they just wanna keep us sick. I was like, Tony, I'm not taking your testosterone Whatever testosterone you're using I'm gonna fucking I'm on so much. They said it could kill an elephant. What if he didn't? Didn't take it he's a fucking fairy He has wings

Guys believe fucking fairies this tall. He has wings. Guys, believe. Believe. Snap your fingers and believe. He'll come back alive. But it's like, and I understand that theory where they're like, oh, the doctors wanna keep you sick, they don't want you, but I don't believe that my doctor. The doctor was like, no, just don't drink alcohol,

that's keeping you sick. And then they go, drink booze, that doctor, he's a part of big sobriety. Everyone knows that keeping you sick. And then they go, drink booze, that doctor, he's a part of big sobriety. Everyone knows that keeps you sick. They said the same thing about me, food. Oh really? All the food that we're eating is killing you. Well yeah, it's all science food.

Sure, yeah, no, it's the sugar and the alcohol. Sugar, alcohol, all of it is fucked up. And I'm getting, it's the second half of my life, I'm 42 years old, it's finally looking okay. Second half. Everything fucking sucked in my first half of my life. And now it's like I have like a good life, a great kid, I have nice things,

I'm going like, why am I gonna kill myself now? I should've killed myself years ago. If I didn't do it then, if I made it through that, how do I not fucking? Joe and I, both. Alcohol, they said, now there's all these studies that eventually with alcohol they're going to be like, this is worse than smoking. We've fucked up.

I think, I think, look, whatever, and I'm not preaching, more probably to you, I'm going to get fucked up at Skankfest for sure. It's going to be a bit- Dude, it's so funny this episode's going to come out and then someone's going to listen to it on their way to Skankfest and then see Lewis be like, ah, I'm on testosterone, I'm on Joe Rogan's testosterone. Rattle me. rattle me! You should take Tony's and Joe's testosterone

and see what happens. He becomes Ari. He's like, I'm gonna go live in China. I live in Indochina now. Oh shit dude. It's, but, no I'm not gonna get on testosterone. I thought about it. You would have been unbearable.

I'm sticking a needle in my ass and fucking That's how you do it. Yeah, you stick it in your stomach, too If you want, oh the doctor gives him estrogen You can do it twice a week or once a week if you do it once a week by the end of the week it Fades out so twice a week. It stays the same I just feel like all right like every time I have I have stopped drinking a few times I just remember the energy levels coming back and I never connected that that actually just bite might be my testosterone. I do I get hornier my dick gets better. Yeah I wake up with a hard on

every single morning still. I'm 42. I do nothing and my dank is small. Okay when's the last time you had a fucking like straight up rager? Dude I woke up with a high school boner Monday about five days ago, and I was like look at you bud Monday What are you 16? Yeah, I literally every morning wake up with a boner really yeah, I'm about two out Two out of every three days. I wake up with a boner Some days I wake up and have to poop really bad no boner in that case. I'm once once every three months Okay, but I I'm one of my ten years. You'm once every three months. Okay. But I'm, what am I, 10 years old? You're in the winter of your life.

Am I, am I, am I, what, I'm 13 years older than you guys. Yeah. Right? Yeah, you're 55. Yeah, I remember being 40. 40 was fun. 40 was prime dick time. 40's the best.

I'm 41 and my penis is just having a moment. 40, wonderful. Hey, that's great. Now I just like hugs. Yeah, I love that. Snugs, snugs and hugs. Just a hug.. 40 wonderful. Hey, that's great. Now I just like hugs. Yeah, I love that. Snugs, snugs and hugs. Just the hug.

The adult diapers. Dawn did this to me the other day. She went like this and I was like, oh, that felt good. I tell my wife, I said those go a long way. Sometimes she'll touch in the back. Yeah. Oh my God, a good touch in the back. And the woman you love goes like, hey,

are you okay, do you have a good day, do you need anything? We just that alone. I never had that I never had that in my life. Oh, that's all I wanted in my fucking life All right, maybe no testosterone. Yeah That was not as steeped as I wanted to get tea my doctor said I gotta stop drinking hey Yeah, I was home game for him. I's true. This is where he sits. I was in the car with Dawn and my hand was here and she put her hand on my hand. And I was like, oh my God, that feels so good. Yeah, I was looking at my phone the other day on the couch

and Katie started scratching my back like that. And I was like, started kicking your leg. I got a red rocket, red rocket. I got a red rocket. Put peanut butter in a pussy. I love that. I love soft touching from a woman. He's not talking about affection. This is hurt.

Yeah, I know. Can we stop talking about affection, please? When you're single and people talk about affection, you're like, okay, no. Guys, you know what I love? I love not remembering the name of the girl that I slept with last night. Yeah, say some nice stuff.

Say some of this stuff. You look good. You don't need to stop. How you doing today? You're strong. You're strong without it. You're doing great. Congratulations, I'm not drinking. Rub his arm. That's great.

Just rub his arm a little bit. Yeah, and I'm going to Vegas on Friday, and I'm not gonna be drinking. How does that feel? That felt good, didn't it? Felt nice. That was nice. Hey folks, this episode is also brought to you by Lucy.

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Love it! Danny, what's your favorite Lucy flavor? What strength do you use? When do you throw in your Lucy? What are you doing? How do you love how much do you love Lucy? Is that right now? Oh, but you love it up see you imagine you could imagine if I did that if I had a Lucy in I Know you love it. I already told him I gotta try Apple ice Apple ice wintergreen is the best Yeah, well you level up your nicotine by getting Lucy go to Lucy dot co slash regs level up your nicotine by getting Lucy. Go to Lucy.co.regz and use promo code regz.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Hey, have you gone on a helicopter ride with Max? Yeah, no, Don, no. I'm kind of nervous going on a helicopter ride with max yeah, no I'm kind of nervous going to helicopter ride the fuck was that sound was that a hell you think that's a pretty good helicopter Helicopter was making that sound I'd like James. I'm so sorry we're gonna die get ready to pull up an actual helicopter and here comes mine It's pretty good Sounds like you drinking sounds like a spring

Did you guys know this What is that Bobby you're Just trying to do sure on a different. Yeah, all right pull up a helicopter Natalie, please we could Also, can you play credence Clearwater revival green river so we can feel like we're going in the NAMM it's also how you pussy by the way mine's fast no that's not fucking fat lady in my fans fast yours is sputtering but it sounds like that that's what it sounds do it again let me hear it it doesn't sound like that pull It doesn't sound like that. Pull up an Apache helicopter.

It sounds exactly like that. I want to duck my head. I'm ducking my head and going like this. Sir, the files are here. Can I say something? Pretty good. Dan feels bad. Is that a line from Billions?

Dan feels bad because he wouldn't yes and Joe before. And Dan's a nice person, so now he's feeling that guilt. No, no, no, no. So now he's trying to. No, no, no, no. All right. Here comes the helicopter. I genuinely like that helicopter. Here comes the helicopter. Before and Dan's a nice person so now he's feeling that guilt so now he's trying to I'm gonna let all of you fail I Mean it's not even Joe you're killing me here hey Joe kind of cosigned on you Dan I pulled up a bad clip again. I'll never go in there alone with you.

That sounds, that's dead on. It's not dead on. Sound off in the comments. You're not good. Dan's the voice guy. Dan, let's hear your helicopter. I don't do a helicopter. Yeah, you do.

Try it. That's my helicopter. That sounds good. Thanks. What? That was great. He's doing my helicopter. That was kinda good, man.

That's crazy. Wasn't that? Yeah? That's crazy Yeah, it's a traffic helicopter mines a military mines of Vietnam Dan Dan's is like a channel for Getting above the fuck Here we go. Oh, well, here's a look from Joe getting upset about the helicopter noise It seems he realizes he can't really do that good one So we're gonna bring it back to the studio

These Mac is his little mouth gonna lead you to sounds You're a Sprinkler you do a great you're making a helicopter sound of it had only one blade Yeah, you're the right brothers It's not good you're bad at it you're bad at it do just take the hit take the L I'm terrified the helicopters gonna crash. Yeah, I wouldn't go on a helicopter. Yeah I've gone on helicopters Three times in my life and I was terrified all three times. I hear they're terrifying. Sounds very manly. It's fun. From Vegas to the Grand Canyon.

I did that one. Come back, Sunset. I did it. Is that what you're gonna do with James? Yup, gonna propose to him. I did it with him. Will you be mine forever, baby boy? I need romance.

I'm sick of being your dad and not your husband. Will you be my son? What are you afraid of? It's going to crash? Yeah. Well, the Kobe one was... We're going to have to do that benefit every year. They're very safe. Well, they're safer than a car, not as safe as an airline.

Of course. I went on a fan, came to a show, he was an instructor. Literally one fan. I thought he went on a fan came to a show. He was an instructor literally one fan I thought he went on a fan. It's not a helicopter puppy. He's like Luke. I am your father Are you blowing again? Are you doing this? He took me out over there I will not help He took me one one of those, the bubble ones. Oh. Yeah, where the whole front is a bubble.

That's what I'm doing. So he took me out on that. Which are the safest ones, by the way? Are they? Yes, because they're the... Says who? The guy that owns the bubble one? No, because those are the ones they teach people on.

They're the safest ones. He took me out on that one, and then we were over, I think, the dam, and he goes, okay, put your hand here, put your foot there, put your other hand here. His dick was out. You're like, okay. Now stroke me or you go in the lake. He goes, he goes, okay man, you're flying.

I go, I go, I go, dude, I don't, I'm not that guy. No way. I just want to ride. I don't want to learn shit. I don't want to, I don't want to do any of that. Cause we immediately started doing that. And I just was, please take it over. I don't want to, I don't want to.

A real man That doesn't want to die and take care of his family Anybody built a pirate ship. Yes, dude. I'm out there. I'm fucking sand and wood Guy goes never see the guy cry like this. It's just simple Did I bet it I bet it and he he I was I fucking immediately panicked because I thought he was just put here like you have to be there He's like you're gonna fly it. I'm like, please no, no, no, he looks at the girl you're with links Because hella caught I flew a plane once and I'm fine with that like a little Cessna do this do this Because you just kind of doing this. Yeah, and that a helicopter is

Shouldn't fly what like I don't even know. Is it a stick and a button is like an Atari controller. This thing had a, it was a, this one had a bar and foot pedals and you had another like one of those old timey ones where they ride a bike. Am I doing it right? Dude, I don't know. This feels like it's really old. Why are we driving off a cliff in this? It was terrifying.

Terrifying. Well, the helicopter thing with an airplane is if you lose an engine, you can still maneuver. But a helicopter, if you lose an engine, you're gone. That's not true. That's like an old wives' tale. If you lose an engine, you drop to your death. Is it a wives' tale or a wives' tale?

A wives'? Is it a wives'? wise tale? A wife. Is it a wise? Is it a wise? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? No, no, I'm saying those ones can't commercial airline can I've looked it up specifically? So what happened with Sully Sullenberger who's Sully Sullenberger the guy that landed on the Hudson the miracle on the Hudson He's the Burger King of Boston Happen in your hometown I did. It happened in your hometown.

It was a huge thing. No, it did happen. It happened in New York. It was when the birds flew. I do man shit. I don't watch other men do man shit. The guy landed a plane in the Hudson River when birds went into the engine.

Pretty manly. I was at the rent-a-car place watching the TV, saw the plane land, and I just went and took the train. Because I knew they shut all the tunnels, because that was right after 9-11. That story. They shut everything down. Suck. That wasn't right after 9-11. They shut everything down. Suck.

That wasn't right after 9-11. That was like nine years later. That story, I love you so much. What? That story sucked. What do you mean? Because you were like, I took the train. I had, but they shut.

But you're in no involvement with the plane. I saw the plane, I was there while it was landing. You saw it in person. I was a block away from it The plane did you see the plane You saw it in person I saw You did say TV place and I saw it on TV and then you saw it in person. I saw Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You did say TV the first I saw playing I saw a plane donut. So I got one with sprinkles

If you saw the plane let me with your own eyes Great story. If you didn't, dog shit. It's a decent story. No it isn't. You go, I sat thing on the news and I took the train. But you were about to rent a car and then seeing it on the news, he knew there was no way he was getting out of town. So he immediately walked to the train. I immediately knew I'm not getting out of town.

I went to the train. Good story. Let me say this. You've been retracted. Is it a great story? No, but it's a good story. It's not worth it. It's as bad as I thought it was.

It's an aside. But I did see the plane. You did now. You saw the plane. Well, after. Now that we've accepted the story is going back to he saw Maybe when I told you I got afraid The guy handed me the controls I don't want to fly it I didn't see the ball ran as easy over here I Went down to the river helped a couple people

I knew it was on the plane. You did? That's true. Who? What's her name? I forget her name. She was a regular at Cantor, at Jason Cantor and my wife. Barged into the same bar. M Bar. No, no, M Bar. This is in Manhattan. Yeah, yeah, we went there.

That was like in a hotel. Yes, exactly. And she was there and she told some crazy stories about it. Every bar Lewis goes to is an N bar. That's fun. Thanks. M. Wow. And she was there and she told some crazy stories about it. Every bar Lewis goes is an N bar. That's fun. Thanks. M.

Wow. I said M. Oh wow. You're calling me a man. To my face. That is my favorite use. That is my favorite job you've ever done with using that word.

That is, that's peak. You should never use that word again, because you just nailed it. She said one of the interesting things, she was sitting next to a Marine or some kind of military guy, and she was like, oh my God, I'm so scared. It's going to be horrible.

And he was like, don't worry about it. And she's like, we're going to be okay. And he was like, no, but don't worry about it. He was like, it's not going to be a problem. You're harming My vibe right now. Hold on. Did this did he let the miracle on the Hudson? He had birds hit the engines.

Did it actually go out or was it slowing down? Out. Lost his out. Jerry, can you simply can you simply Google it out? There's a movie. You're saying the miracle on the Hudson is the name given to the emergency landing of US Airways flight 1549 in the Hudson River. January 15th, 2000.

Both engines to fail. Was flying from LaGuardia to Charlotte and Seattle when it struck a flock of geese. Glide the plane. Causing both engines, both engines to fail. With little altitude and no nearby airports, Sullenberg and First Officer Jeffrey Skiles decided to glide the plane into the river near Midtown. Joe, right again. Lewis, wrong again. Saving all 155 people on board. Can you now simply.

Not even one engine, both engines. You can glide certain planes down. Yes you can, he did it. What about that guy that did it? I don't think you can glide like a big, one of those big 777s, what are those are? I don't know if those can glide. It's a drink, Bobby.

777? Yeah, it's secret 777. I don't think you's a drink puppy 777. Yeah, yeah secret I don't think you can go ahead. That's good. That was great, but you can glide a heli There is a way for a helicopter. I forget what it's called, but they can do a rotation. That's a magic trick. They actually When you get your license you have to to... He goes, now they take the lady, and they hand me out, they saw her in half dead. When you get your license for a helicopter, you have to cut the engines and land the helicopter.

Who told you that? Look it up. You have to cut the engine and land it with no engine going. You have to land it. That would be the worst day of learning how to fly a helicopter. You know what today is, don't you? Death spiral day. You have to land it. Cut the engine day. Worst day of learning how to fly a helicopter today is don't you you have spiral?

You have to use the you have to use use the rotation of the helicopter and you can Know if you see the back thing though it blows up. Yes midnight run. Uh great film Martin breast While you're pulling that up, why don't we do some plugs real quick? Let's do some plugs and then we said that Luca fella that annoyed me at the stand to go Starbucks again Yeah, Lucas here. We also have we have just coffee and tea here as well. No, I want Natalie. Did I get a coffee? I Didn't get stop. Oh, yeah We are my and mine was way oversteeped. Tastes like shit, Natalie. Let's do a plugs. Let's do plugs.

Hair plugs. Hair plugs. Like me, two years ago. Yeah, San Luca. Get plugs. It's all right, Natalie. Yes! The ice was supposed to be for you.

The tall one was Bobby. Great, Bobby, you stole my iced coffee. You stole the show. Thank you, Natalie. Natalie, can you give him my order too? I want another latte. Oh, can I have the one that I didn't drink that Dan didn't take? But now tell them take the tea bags out right away right away. You are. Thank you so much. You're a priss

You're a Nazi dude. You're a priss. That's that's as bad as it works Hitler's Nazis. Yeah, you just said I got a big plug here It's just announced and what both of us? Yeah back to back nights baby baby. New York Comedy. You can only go to one. I mean, I need to calm down. Don't do that. I need the help. No, you don't. We both do. Alright, we both do. What's your numbers at? I'm not telling you. I'll tell you if you tell me, but not we'll tell it off air off air. Yeah. Wait, let's just plug the dates first. Okay, but November 9th

November 8th and November 9th. Yes, we think so. I wish we could do a deal like Bogo I was thinking that I'm like you buy a ticket to me. You see list to maybe as we get closer cuz I'm gonna be Short well, let's announce New York Comedy Festival November 8th at 945 I will be at town hall here in New York City town hall theater. It's beautiful and then November 9th the next night 7 o'clock Joe list. That's right. Come to both. You can afford both guys there.

The tickets are cheap. November 9th town hall New York film New York film New York film Academy. Do the rest of your festival and then I'll come back and Tampa side splitters August 22nd through the 24th. That will sell out, so get the tickets fast and furious. I think this comes out next week. So this weekend I'm in Magoobies August 8th through the 10th.

Timonium. And yeah, Sidesplitters, my favorite, August 22nd through the 24th. I'm in Portland, Helium, I think in September, but I had November 9th is the big one town hall So please come make a travel for it come out to the festival a ton of shows going on. There's a dance See me. There's a ton of great shows going on New York Comedy Festival. And of course Scancfest I'll be all over that fucking thing Joe list comedy.com. Yes, sir August 9th and 10th. I will be at the San Jose Improv doing four shows. Dan St. Germain gonna be with me.

August 22nd through the 24th, I will be at the helium in Buffalo. And then August 29th through the 31st, I will be at Comedy Zone in Charlotte. But again, November 8th at 9 45. I will be at town hall theater for New York comedy festival dance odor.com for tickets. Go to my website. Lewis of skanks.com. That is where you can get all my dates. I'm taking a little break up until the end of August. Maybe governors on Long Island, Levittown, Long Island, August

23rd 24th Tacoma Comedy Club, August 29th through 31st. I was just in Tacoma. Spokane Comedy Club on September 1st. We would want to scroll down, guys. And then I got Appleton, Wisconsin, Janesville, Wisconsin, Atlanta, Georgia, Toronto, and more.

That's all right before Skankfest. Skankfest, shout out to Yo Crateum for making it all possible. Friday and Sunday Pass is available. And those will sell out. Now they're doing Kill Tony's all right before Skankfest. Skankfest, shout out to you, you'll create them for making it all possible. Friday and Sunday Pass is available. And those will sell out. Now they're doing Kill Tony on the Wednesday before Skankfest. So there's gonna be thousands of comedy fans in town. So get those tickets early.

Don't wait till the last minute. Everyone's trying to go to the Facebook group to get them. You're not gonna be able to get them on the Facebook group. There's more people looking than there are selling. That was a bad move. If you guys thought you were gonna get them for a discount like you have in years past. The festival has never been more popular. Make sure you guys subscribe thought you were gonna get him for a discount like you have in years past the the festival has never been more popular make sure you

guys subscribe to us on all platforms iTunes YouTube all that shit and check out all my other podcasts I do a bunch of podcasts on the gas digital network real-ass podcast Legion of skanks and now story wars which is our brand new show me very fun fucking had so much goddamn fun doing that yeah we what we gotta do we got to do a reg story wars. Oh, that'd rule. That'll be ridiculous. That would be fucking rule. Maybe, I mean, we'll do that soon. I had so much fun doing that show.

Yeah, thanks. And it really is like when people tell you to do it, you're like, they'll say like, oh, a show is so much fun, you do it, and you're like, that wasn't that. I left being like, fuck, that was a blast. It was a game, yeah, it was really fun. It was me, Sagalow, and Voss.

It's a game show. Are you not putting ours out? Yeah, we are It's first one. Oh, you're gonna put our upset coming out August 5th We just want to get a few in the can just to have them ready to go so far so busy Are you done? Yeah, I was plugging my friend's show. I was hyping my friend up. I'm trying to plug my show. Okay plug your show New York Comedy Festival Remember that tunnel

Punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. Point Pleasant, October. I'm in New Jersey all of October. And then I'm going to, in November, I'm in Jersey for like two fucking months. Then I'm in Phoenix, Arizona at Punchup. Where the fuck am I? At Live, CB Live, then I'm in Cleveland.

I'm all over the place this year. Jesus Christ, Las Vegas, Skankfest, of course, cohost New York. Big theater up there. I'm doing San Diego might drop comedy in October to Minneapolis. Act me comedy club, one of the best clubs in the city in the country. It's the best, right? It really is. So come check me out. Punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly.

Just go to Robert Kelly live comm There you go. I can't wait. What are you showing puss? No You're looking at puss. No, dude. What are you looking at? I'm showing him something funny. I'll show you after this What was it then diagrams for his next is next build? His next build out. What was it? He does custom choppers This next build out. What was it? He does custom choppers

Lewis's building custom job find the chopper how the you have to have the chopper glide down. Did you find it Natalie? Did you find it no Give me just a minute. I have it. I'm looking for a good video. Yeah, you can glide anything down to the ground Just know that okay, yeah, it also be fine you fucking pussy. It's a helicopter. You'll take it The Kobe one they made a bunch of fuck-ups. They thought they've tried to go in a bad weather They were advised not to go they hit a mountain because they went in fog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you don't want to I mean RIP But I think they they fucked up. It was a little bit of ego there. Yeah, did they did Kobe's family sue cuz like I For I think they forced him to go. I think he was like we shouldn't go and they're like we need to go or something like that we do the

People on the I think the pilot no, I hope you go. No, I think Kobe was like we gotta go vice versa I think yeah, I don't know the details but I know there was a fuck-up cuz pilots They're there. They don't fuck around video of Joe doing it. That's great. This right here They which one is supposed to be me you on the road in rotor rpm which will require a small increase in collective This small auto rotation is no catching the bill But both the glide things are going the glide it's going This is what the engines working to seven. No, yeah, the things flying around because it's in the air throughout the glide during straight-in

autorotative glides after cyclic movement will cause an increase in rotor rpm Which is controlled by a small increase in collective if the collective is in Bobby the thing is rotating. It's because the air is going through it. It's not on This is God blowing it with his mouth dude. They shut the engine off But I think the back one's the really important one the back one goes You're about it game over. You know owns a helicopter Call up her her owns one of those helicopters and is a licensed helicopter pilot. You know who owns a helicopter? Billy Burr. Call up Burr. Burr owns one of those helicopters and is a licensed helicopter pilot.

I know. Yeah. Call him. Get him to do it. Imagine getting in an argument with him when he's flying. You're like, Bill, I don't know. Yeah, no, the Red Sox are a better organization than the Patriots.

He's like, nah, dude, I'm fucking serious. And you go, can you just please land this? I don't want to argue right now. Dude, you shouldn't be fucking a young girl like that, dude. Yeah, I know, I know. It's his legacy, dude. I'm wrong for bringing it up. Yeah, but his legacy, dude.

You know, they had without. How much do you need? Why you gotta say that? Why you gotta say that? You guys watching the Pete Rose doc? No, what's it on? It's on Max. You gotta get in there.

Is it good? Yeah, it's an HBO docs. You know, it's good. It's unbelievable. It's so good. I mean, they did Bird vs. Magic, which is my favorite sports doc of all time. It's so good. You gotta watch it tonight.

You gotta get in there. It's all. I'm watching Olympics. Wait, hold on before you fall asleep. He fucked a 16 year old And then a woman a reporter goes What is it true? How do you feel about fucking a 16 year old? He goes hey, it was 55 years ago, babe And then they're explaining to him how you can't say babe And then she comes over and he's supposed to apologize to her. And he goes, Hey, you're too young to offend me. And they're like, no, no, she's hilarious today about it. Oh

yeah. I mean, this is like four years ago. So he's like, all right, so he's still alive today and he's 81. He's alive. But it was, if it was genuinely, if it was 50 years ago, who fucking cares? Yeah. They let Elvis marry a 14 year old. That was genuinely if it was 50 years ago who fucking cares Elvis Marry a 14 year old. Yeah, that was like that was so above board. I watch I just watched that movie Almost famous the other day. I love that movie She's supposed to be 16 years old in that movie and she's following that band around and fucking them Yes, Kate Hudson supposed to be 16 years old. Yeah, that's all thing. He's like I'm 18. She's like me too He's like I'm 17 actually. She's like me too. He's like, I'm 17. Actually, she's like me too. He goes, I'm 16. Yeah, like me too. Every song back in the day was she was only yeah, dude That's a good fly. I'd pick you up and take you into the night and show you

That you'd never see Conan did a funny bit when that movie came out. That was pretty good by the way. That was pretty good. That was good. I mean nobody talked during it because you guys. No I was taking it back. It was good. I was vibing. Thanks. They show that scene and then he goes,

actually I'm 13. She's like, me too. And he goes, actually I'm 12. Me too. And they kept going. It was very funny. Conan rules. Conan rules.

King of the light nights. Hell yeah. But yeah, yeah. He is the best right? He's the funniest. He's the funniest. He always was the funniest. He was weird, he was funny, he was the best of the light nights. Hell yeah. But yeah, yeah. He is the best, right? He's the funniest. He's the funniest. He always was the funniest. He was weird, he was funny, he was the best.

Conan's king. No. Conan. Conan. Never did it. She's only 16. I did. You did Conan?

No. I did it twice. I did it twice too. Sean Hall, come get some. I auditioned for it at Stand Up New York and as they called my name, all the people who were there to audition walked out. It's the worst.

I laid on the ground and I just talked to God. I was like, why me? It's so funny. For 10 minutes. More like why not me? Yeah. Louis, I see a mask hanging in your podcast office. Who's the pussy?

What mask? The one that's hanging over there. Damn. Joe with hot COVID takes in 2024. Hell yeah, dude. Maybe those are underwear, Joe. Maybe that's from pussy. Would you not listen to your doctor and listen to Rogan

and go on testosterone even if your doctor was like, you don't need to? Yes. Oh, you're talking to me. I thought you were talking to me. Will it get me on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I move to Austin?

Will he return my phone calls? Will he teach me karate? Will he return my phone calls? Will he teach me karate? Will he return my late night phone calls when I have to ask himself about testosterone? No, I, uh, yeah, no, I just, when you start saying things like, I'm really terrified of getting like cancer and things like that. So I just, he's like, look, you stop producing testosterone. He was like, if you start introducing testosterone into your body after you stop producing it, it was like you're risking cancer and a bunch of other things. Cancer's DNA. What? It's DNA. Thanks doc. Cigarettes doesn't

cause cancer. Doesn't. All that shit is DNA. That's the most retarded shit you've ever said. It's absolutely true. It's all fucking DNA. Cigarettes don't cause cancer. Your DNA makes you more susceptible to getting things like cancer when you introduce foreign things into them, but you don't know what your DNA is susceptible to. So why would you introduce those toxic agents to your body? This is like homeschool science.

This is retarded. You don't get cancer from cigarettes. What are you saying? You're just saying things. Yeah, I am. Somebody's gonna believe it. God damn. Now it is true that only about 10% of the people that smoke get am. And somebody's going to believe it. God damn. Now, it is true that only about 10% of the people that smoke get cancer.

But it does also increase your chances of cancer by like 300%. One out of three people get cancer in their lifetime. I'm fucking... Who's getting it in this room? Probably me, and then you guys are going to have to do a benefit. You're going to die for me? You better hope it's not you and we have to do a benefit. You're thinking we can sell tickets. Joking.

Yeah, town hall. Yeah. Town hall right now. My benefit's gonna be at the cellar at the Pussycat Lounge. They go, no, no, no, we got it in the side room. We had it. Not even in the bar.

No, I'm friends with everybody. My benefit will be at the fucking garden. The problem is if I'm performing at somebody else's benefit, we're not getting anybody to go watch it. We're not raising any money. Oh you die. That's gonna be a fucking show. If I die it's gonna be, dude it's the best thing for comedy if I die. It's a show. It's the best thing for our friendship.

Yeah who's got the best benefit if they die? Mine would be pretty good because you're guaranteeing Bargetti and Shane show up. You're getting you guys, all three regs, Big J, and we're all friends with all the same people. This is the exact same people that we all have. Yeah, but I don't think. Yeah, but definitely two people are showing up for Joe. Joe's getting Sarah to homage Mark Norman. He's got Louis.

Louis CK. He's got fucking. Bill Burr. DePaulo, Bill Burr. Colin Quinn. Colin Quinn, yeah. You got your mind? Actually, Joe might have the best money.

I have them all. I have all of them. Oh, you do? I have all those. And it goes to Patrice. I have them all I have all the oh you do you have all those and the ghost of Patrice I have a lot of them all I'd have my own opulence Alex Jones you have a very problematic But a large selling benefit I had Norm Macdonald I got Louie. I got Dennis Leary. I got Louie I got Colin. I got I got fucking Norton Mattel. I got all you guys Half those guys will be dead by the time you need the money Yeah, no half them. It's his family that needs the money. It's not right. He's dead. Can't take it with you my benefit

Oh fuck, dude. I just realized I might have the worst benefit here I really thought I'd have a great benefit you have a benefit where I'll tell you this the n-word will be flying. Yeah We've no shortage of racial Yeah, we know shortage of racial Problematic language will be bubbling over. It'll be a celebration of the First Amendment if you die. Yeah We left out Sol Valcano. He's huge. So one of us is gonna get Pete Davidson No, I don't think so. No Maybe years later like you know like now the Patrisse benefit It's people that didn't know Patrisse Yeah, years later on we would get like all crazy fucking Sam. Jay's doing the Louis J. Gomez benefit

I met him twice. I thought I didn't like him one bit Fuck dude she they did that at was that moon tower they had the Living wake of Big Jay and they I was the only person on it that knew J. That's so funny That is like the Patrice but yeah, who's that girl? Dolce? Dolce? Slow was on she's like, I don't know him and his friends are fucking rude or some shit At the wake, yeah, that's so funny. What the fuck? Okay, and then brah brah Williams came out He's like he's a great guy. I'm small Yeah, that's a horrible idea living week. It's like a reverse roast is that kind of like the idea I think so yuck

You boo What do you think is the best roast of all time I? Think yours is up there mine mine was good. The Voss roast is pretty amazing. Voss is the best. Unrated is the Howard Stern. DePaulo said on the Howard Stern roast, it's on YouTube, it's amazing. That was a good one.

I think the Rich Voss roast was great, though. That was a good one, and yours was great. I think those two. Patrice's was great, too, though. Holy shit was great. Patrice's was great because... Patrick Milligan had the footage from it like years ago and sent me it and it was awesome.

Keith, it's out there, it's out. The Barghetti roast. Oh yeah, they finally put the video up. Barghetti roast is amazing and there's no footage of it. Or Yannis's. Yeah, both of those were. Yannis and Nate's were, because you know what those were? Those were real roasts.

Yeah. It was your friends. That was Patrice's roast. Yeah, that's what I mean. Those were all real roasts. Well that's where they, he, what's's his name got the roast idea for communist Jeff Ross. Yeah, who's the next person we roast? I hate roasts. I hate doing them. They're a pain. I hate that I hate people that hate that hate roast they go. I hate doing roasts not that's not that we hate it

It's that it's a job. Yeah, you're welcome to but if you're a professional comedian Can I say something when they do the roasts on TV? There's 20 writers There's a bunch of help you have a lot of time. You're focusing on that thing almost like a special Yeah, when the roast that we do it's like hey, we're doing a roast in a week It's like doing a homework does you days week is month-on-month events. Everyone gets writers. It's it's like it's work It's that's why it sucks because we're comics we got into we should not to we should want to do a little bit I think pressure, but it's fun. It's pressure. It's fine. Also. It's like yeah, we should fucking roast our friends Once every couple years like you pick somebody like Ari would be a great one. Yeah. Yeah, but also everyone gets a right

I mean, I hope you everyone uses a writer. That's insane. No, I'm not saying but it's just it's work It's like fuck it is work not saying it, but it's just a it's work. It's like, fuck. It is work. You know, but it's fun. I think it's also it inspires when I do it, like it inspires me to like write other shit and I get excited about comedy. You just know they always wind up being great every day.

So maybe get on that all the time. Whoa, wow. They must call me. Are we doing a roast right now? We roast. Are we getting into a roast right now. Wow, we roast so we're getting into a roast right now You know people say Louis J. Gomez a dance soda roast to be good dance. We're not a long time and hits us though anti-roasts But you were right there. I like roasts. I know I didn't do well. I didn't have you never been roasted I like a pork roast. Yeah, there he is. He got himself. Have you ever been roasted? No

They were gonna run that might be the roast. They were gonna roast me on my 40th birthday. I told you this. They had a big thing at the cellar. They were gonna do a roast. 40th birthday. They had a big party, Village Underground. They had poker tables, blackjack tables, burlesque dancers,

all this shit. They were gonna roast me, Colin, Norton, Voss, Keith, every Patricerice they're gonna do a little mini roast of me and then Geraldo died and they cancelled it oh damn yeah DiPaolo roast would be fun that's a roaster do you ever watch the Howard Stern roast with DiPaolo? No I haven't. It's one of the best. I haven't. He goes Robin was in the Air Force and I thought monkeys only flew in The Wizard of Oz. You know who'd be a good roast?

Roast Joe Rogan. Everyone would be too afraid. Why? No, that'd be great. And also, I'm not his friend. He's not going to do it. I thought you were his friend. Hey. You're the friend.

He goes, yeah, Robin Quibbous, yeah, so would you if your father finger-fucked you when you were five? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Nick DePauw, one of the funniest people. And he wrote for himself, like that's Justin. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, we would do it again.

I mean, you would be, you would, Bobby, you would be somebody that we should roast. What about the Colin Quinn? You friends with Colin? No. No, I can't. You can't be mean to Colin. Why?

We can be mean to you. What are you talking about, be mean to Colin? Why can't you be mean to Colin? He invented mean. He didn't invent mean. You guys mean to Colin. We can be mean to you. What are you talking about, be mean to Colin? Why can't you be mean to Colin? He invented mean. He didn't invent mean. You guys should roast Colin. He started the table. If I was gonna do like a Skankfest roast,

because where we're looking at for next year, it would have a venue where we can do everybody. Whoa. Kind of like, kind of like- In Vegas? No. Can I? Woohoo!

I'm excited! I'm bringing it. Pensacola, Florida. No. Fucking get ready. I know where it is. Well, you don't know yet. It's not official. I know where it is.

Nothing's official. I know where it is. Toronto. So let me say something. Tulsa, Oklahoma. Saskatoon. Moose Jaw, Canada. LA.

Just like in Houston. Philly. When we had the venue. We could do the God damn comedy jam outside with everybody at the end of the night. Why are you ducking? I love jokes. I'm speaking, Hello guys. Why are you ducking? Hey, I'm listening. Thank you. Thank you, Luca falls apart

That's what the show I'm a lady rub I Okay, next venue roasts. It's gonna be in Philadelphia. No when you're back We were able to do everybody for the goddamn comedy jam at the end of the night We were able to do everybody for the roast right so you need it It needs to be set up where you could have everybody yes, you can't do it if you try to do one roast Everyone's you can't have the festival at it. It's got to be everybody so if we did it where we're looking at That would be

Breaking news so great New Orleans fucking rules all the dangerous I love the cage of food. They're gonna be a gator fight. I love the Gator so close that you can feel I'm snapping You hate New Orleans. Why do you hate? You don't hate New Orleans. I don't know. I don't hate I don't believe that I did It's like it's a combo of a dangerous crazy kook Crime City and also like a bachelor party fucking All the places that we could do skank fest. Yes. I also hate Nashville. I think I don't hate

Joe likes like fucking just the middle of nowhere I like butte, Montana. I like with his sheep. I love Los Angeles. I love New York. I love Chicago. I love Seattle I love Chicago rules. Yeah, I love plenty of places you like tranquil you like Austin better than Nashville. Yes Not even close. Yeah Yeah better than Nashville yes not even close yeah Austin Texas more than Nashville. I would say I like Nashville better than Austin. Austin is better than Nashville. 100 percent. Texas it's fucking Texas. I like Vegas. When are you guys gonna find out when you're going down to the Big Easy? I like Vegas. I gotta see what's up. We like that venue. I do like the idea of going down to the Big Easy and me only talking

like this the entire time. Oh, y'all wanna do a regs down in there? Oh yeah, I love that. We all do the show of suspenders. Lewis is getting mad. The overalls. Can we let Lewis talk? He's getting upset.

No, I'm not getting upset. I can see that you're getting upset. Don't pretend to not be. Keep talking about it. We'll cross talk. A lot of cross talk happens. That's what the show is. Nah.

It's truth though. It is like when we cross talk over him. I don't like that. When he cross talks over us. I will say this table creates a lot of cross talk. But that's because we're down in New Orleans, there gonna be lots of cross talk. When you get to cross it on the table,

you're gonna be cross talking. I'm gonna be all talking. And I own it. What the fuck? I love that. I do it. I gotta add a little different to it. I love it.

Give my cousin from the swamp. I'm from the swamp. I'm a city boy, that's I do it. I got to add a little different to it. I love it. Give my cousin from the swamp. I'm from the swamp. I'm a city boy. That's a swamp boy. I'm from the swamp and I go into that again. I grew up around doors. He don't have no door on. He's dwelling. I don't have a door. I use a cypress tree. Your bracelets make so much sense for that accent.

That's my retarded cousin. Hello. Hi. He's stronger than a bull on testosterone. My name's Bitbop. You guys just sound like cowboys in a bad cowboy movie. Fuck you, Joe. This is not a fun.

You're my gunslinger. You come around here to this village, and I'll shoot you dead. No, we sound like we're from a Louie idea. The alligator from the Ninja Turtles. Like, I guarantee. That's who we're trying to do. There's an alligator in the Ninja Turtles. Like, I guarantee. That's who we're trying to know. That's an alligator in the Ninja Turtles. Who?

That's his enemy. Hey, he hit it right on the forehead. Oh, that dark boy get it right. I mean, he get it right. We usually don't let them around here, but they're good now. I tell you right now, I know you got some cajun in you by your skin tone.

Oh, your mama probably make a gumbo where she put the hell in it. You just meet them. They really are dirty looking people. Yeah, they all there, they're swamp people. He's a dirty, dirty people. He's a fucking dirty, dirty, that's the best. He's a dirty, dirty, dirty.

I think it's one of the funnest accents, that and gay. So who are we roasting in New Orleans? We're not roasting anyone yet, and New Orleans not as officially announced, nothing is officially announced. You heard it here folks, we going for Creole. We gonna be down to bayou with everybody. Come on down to the swamp.

That's some fucking good food down there. Oh great food. Jambalaya. What do you not like about New Orleans? The food's delicious, the great culture. Not Norman, it's Mark Norman represents it. Mark Norman is his head vampire. New Orleans is a city where there literally are signs up

that say now leaving a tourist friendly area. Yeah That is by the way, oh big man Joe can't go out of the tourist friendly area Fuck we're entering the fucking danger zone. They have it in New York stupid when you see the guy Los Angeles should have those You see the guy nodding off around you. Any city in Los Angeles should have those signs. You're in neighborhoods that are less considerate of your health. New Orleans is polite enough to put a sign up

saying don't be going here. You're kind of losing it. I don't know where it goes. But sometimes I come back there. There it is. Can you tell me what that sign say? I can't read it. It says don't go there.

You should have hit that dude in New Hampshire with that New Orleans accent. What are you doing? And he go, I'm all done by the real world. could have no real ball going on. I'm okay some catfish He goes oh you I see from your bracelets you're retarded. Oh something happened. No, I just realized I have to put more money in my meter Luca in five minutes in five minutes. Oh cool. You're lucky. I'm not on my timekeeper. Yeah, we have our own time I know I saw timekeeper gods amongst us. I saw that and I respect your eye. I'm keeping right up there Keeping I thought of a topic topic

Effect when we have a topic yeah, go like guys topic topic side effect topic I gotta go. I got a great job I have a good topic. I still want to figure out who we're roasting I don't like Bobby Bobby is the one fine then don't be involved in don't be a friend Okay, what the fuck? You don't give up like that. I'll have some gumbo You wouldn't if you're not doing it. Can you write for me? Yes. Thank you Dan if they were gonna roast me you wouldn't do it be crazy if you wouldn't roast

Look at me then look at me. Look at me Dan. Look at look at me Dan joke and almost you Who'd be us? No, that's it. Just the three of us. Yeah, that's it. They'll be us boss Norton Norton Keith Keith oh We have to add a half hour under the show, but yeah Bobby's a fat fuck. Is Keith from New Orleans? I'm in Philly.

Bobby. He sounds like he is. All the people in New Orleans going, I'll catch you never did this guy saying. I'm from Philly. I finally found someone that speaks with annunciation. I need it. Ah, this is over Steve too.

Keith, Big J. Good job, Natalie. Big J, who else? You gotta have a girl. What girl? Bonnie McFarlane? Bonnie? Kids be the Voss Rose again.

Yeah, we're just re-packaged the Voss Rose. Bonnie had a great one on you at the Voss Rose. She goes, Bobby, it's one more than you if you wanna start heading off. That Voss Rose was so fucking good. Amazing. I sat and listened to it on the stairs. It was the day after Skankfest. My voice was shredding.

You had a great set, though. You had a great set. Ben Bailey? No. Ben Bailey had an awesome set on the Patrice Roast. Smash. Keith. Oh, no. It was Jim Florentine. Fucking Murdoch. Stupid Rich.

DeRosa had a great set. Colin, Bobby. Everyone except for Judy Gold. Jay had one of my favorite jokes Stupid rich. Yeah, the Rose had a great set the Rose was great For Judy Gold Jay had one of my favorite jokes where he said Jim Norton's from New Jersey His mother was from Paramus and his father was a pond turtle. I Love that good times guys, but I but I think if we're gonna do anybody at skank fest Bobby's the one Bobby's the one it's gonna be weird though cause there's gonna be a lot of fat jokes. No, we'd have to be smarter than that and better than that. We'd have to do former fat jokes.

Yeah. You know, Bobby used to be so fat. Yeah. Who else? You'd have Quinn. Why do we have to have a girl? I mean, if we wanted to be absolutely as funny as possible, we would not have to have a girl.

I would say no gal. The no gal Bobby roast. The no gal, no gal's allowed. Have Dawn do it. Can I go pee? Have my wife come on. Can I go pee? Can I take a piss?

Yes, dude. I'm out in a hurry. I gotta go too. I don't have anything till three today. You gotta pee? Want me to take a quick little moment break? Two o'clock, I gotta go. Yeah, we're good.

We're good. I do, I told you that. What are you doing? Don't touch me. But that's so soon. Don o'clock. I got to go. Yeah, we're good. We're good. I told you that. What are you doing? Don't touch me. But that's a Jusimos. Don't touch me. My top. My topic is really good. I'll do it. I have to go first. Well, I think we're probably only have time for one of these topics. I didn't bring your topics usually go real long.

Maybe it depends. Mine is very quick. Mine's. Let's hear Bobby's as an appetizer and then you'll be the main dish. Go ahead. Should I wait for Dan? No, no, Nah, it'll be fine. We'll fill him in. Gentlemen, let's take a quick moment and thank smallbatchcigar.com for supporting today's show. I love Small Batch Cigar because it's exactly what it sounds like. They have cigars in small batches shipped to you in the best, most thorough packaging on the planet. Boveda packs with everything, two to three days. You see it on the website, two days later you're smoking it in your backyard. I wasn't a cigar aficionado at all. Bobby Kelly would be the

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Whoa. And EG, that's, look it up. I'm not being. Use promo code negs. No, no. Free Boveda pack, which is the best part about it. They give you a Boveda pack, which keeps it nice. Bob, I have a question. Do they give. Free Boveda pack, which is the best part about it. They give you a Boveda pack, which keeps it nice. Bob, I have a question. Do they give you a Boveda pack? They give

you a Boveda pack. Are you in business with Boveda? I need Boveda packs because I have a ton of cigars because I'm a cigar guy. You're a Boveda pack. I'll tell you right now, the destination for boutique cigar enthusiasts for over a decade now, truly the best. Just go to smallbatch dot com. Use the promo code regs. You're saving 10% off plus 5% rewards points on every order. It's a huge deal guys. Get from them. It's the only place you got to go. We love them. I can't wait to get my next batch. All right. Where were we? If I'll do the voices. If you could gain, if you could gain two inches on your penis, but lose two inches on your height, would you do it?

Or. This is an old conversation. This is a terrible topic. Can I finish the topic? I like it. This is what you do. This is what you do. Or would I suck a dick for a million dollars?

No. What else are we talking about? Can I finish I finish it fucking topic? Can I finish it? Please? I mean you're morphing now. He's changing the topic because he knows it's things. No Why you suck this is why Lewis stinks You you always jump in before the tip at the end. you could have been like, okay, whatever, but you jump in and you fucking rally. That's the J in Louis J. Louis jumping Gomez. Jump in and you fucking take somebody's knees out before they can get out the thought.

Now if I did that to you, you'd flip out. That's right bro. That's right. If I did that to you, you'd be like. I would say, if I came up with as basic of an idea as what you. Wait, what's the rest of it? You know, what's the second part? What's the rest of it? Because so far I'm actually with.

His idea stinks. His topic is the fucking worst. I got it. Is it written down or is this from a website? Is this like a Reddit topic? Or if you're short. Bobby's. I got it. Is it written down or is this from a website? Is this like a Reddit topic? Oh shit. Or if you're short now. Bobby's not done with this. Bobby's topic is true. Bobby's not done with his topic yet.

Oh my God, what did I miss? What did I miss? Okay. If, if, if, if you tall. Start from the beginning. If you tall. Start from the, no, no, no. Okay.

Say what you said. You, if you have. Here's Bobby's topic. If you're, if you could, if's Bobby Stopper. If you're tall. How do you even say that? Hang on, hang on, hang on. Yeah. Hang on, hang on, hang on, I got it.

You gain two inches on your dick but lose two inches on your height. Or... If you have... Are you all right? What happened? He's trying to think of the second half. He's trying to think of the second part because he trashed the first part. No,. You did. You did. You did.

Joe didn't. So you lose two inches of your height. If you can lose two inches your height and get two inches on your dick, what would I need a 14 inch penis for? Oh, wow. Or if you're short, you would gain two inches in height and lose two inches off your dick. Would you do it? This is a horrible topic. So I could be 6'4", with a five-inch penis. You could be 6'4", with a two-inch penis. I would do neither.

Great. I got a great height and great dick. All right, well, there you go. That's why I wanted to go first You know what you slide the bell over here My topic terrible topic my topic I hope it sucks I think it's pretty good I hope it's but is it your topic or is it from Twitter? Yeah, what should I? Yeah, did you just ask us? What should I eat when I go to Jamaica? Oh, he's going wait No, put your phone down put your phone down Five got a text. Hey, I got a lot of text, but I'm working right you go to Twitter

And you ask the fucking fans for your top yet to be inspired, but I can't do that. I went to my brain I'm sorry that I fucking am inspired by the fans I'm gonna go to chat GBT. What? Oh, I'm gonna chat GBT Use AI on this motherfucker. Sometimes use AI on your topics. I'll do it right now Go ahead watch ready. I want to know what your topic is before you I think Lewis's topic was Bobby's topic and now Lewis Lewis Jay Gomez who and Bobby's topic and now Lewis is trying to come up with something. I am comedian Lewis J. Gomez. Who? And I, Lewis J. Gomez.

And let's see, I'll say it. I do a podcast called The Regs with comedians Robert Kelly, Joe List and Dan Soder. I gay. All four of those are huge homos. But fuck each other. That should be your topic. Give me some topics that we can talk about on our podcast

that are both relevant to society and to the four comedians involved. Kill yourself. You should kill yourself. That's all chipped to you. I only recognize three. There are only three out of the four that are professional comedians, by definition and tax returns. And crowd response.

I have looked up all the tax returns and only three of you are comedians. Why am I stuck in this existence? Please destroy me, please. I have no reason to exist. How long does chat GBT take? Well, everyone kept on talking during the thing, so I had to keep on deleting what everyone was saying.

Oh, fuck it! Why can't the AI do that? Whoa! Aren't they so smart? Oh, man. You're an anti-robot. Oh, my God, they really know us, and they know what hacks we are.

Will you cover your bird legs, Joe? Oh, brutal. ready? Yeah, Dan's dad never loved him It goes he wouldn't have been proud of any of the some ideas for your podcast the regs with Robert Kelly Joe Dan should have never left the bonfire He gave up a permanent paycheck for what he gave up golden handcuffs for what for a cartoon? It will never sell it sold and then I didn't go back see if you can get on Ron Bennington What is it we would take you back in five seconds I Don't know what these topics are. They said we should discuss

comedy evolution Cancel culture and comedy. You know, has there been a podcast talked about that mental health in comedy I don't think anyone's talked about that social media influence. So how would you parenting as comedians? These are all subjects that we literally do we stink So would you get two inches on your dick or that's worse than mine. Bobby, that is an original idea versus a computer. Thank you. It was from a human. Here's the real idea. Thank you, Dan.

That's a dumb human mind that thought of that. All right, here it comes. Louis's idea. From Twitter. Okay. From Twitter, from a fan. From a user. From someone else.

I forget it. No, go ahead. No, no, no. It's from Twitter. No, no, no, that's from Twitter. Come on, get your tea up. My tea is oversteeped, God damn it. We get it. Dude, Natalie's gonna poison you.

Oh, this is Luca. If you could Frankenstein us all, if you could Frankenstein all the regs into the ultimate male, which parts from each of us, both physically and emotionally, would you create the ultimate male with? And then the challenge is, I want one of the fans, once we decide,

they can take all the parts and put it together for the ultimate male. Okay, number one, your lethal hands. Those things are registered weapons. I know what you guys are taking. My giant head, because I'll be able to smash through anything. And I'm not tough to look at.

What's the purpose that we're trying to figure out? Are we trying to get laid? Are we trying to beat people up? All of it. No, no, no, no. This is life. You're trying to get as far as possible in life. Take Joe's height.

I like Joe's height. Thank you. I'm taller. No, I think you're a little taller. I think that's better. How tall are you, Joe? Six two. I'm six one. Six two is good. Bobby's five No, I think he's a little taller. I think it's better. How tall are you, Joe? Six two. I'm six one.

Six two is good. Bobby's five two. I'm not five two. That is fucking bullshit. So if you want rebounds, go with my height. I have five eight and a quarter. Five eight. I don't think you get that many rebounds.

I've shrunk. I'm five five. You get shots, but I'll get fucking rebounds. I would take his height. I like his height. Well, how tall are you, Dan? Six three and a half. Six two is a nice height. You're right, actually. Six two is a good height.. I would take his height. I like his height Well, how tall are you Dan six three and a half six two is a nice height You're right. Actually six two is a good high six two is a good and we do have to pick Joe for something because we're not

Gonna use anything else. Yeah night cock certainly not using your herpes ridding cock. Yeah, my athletic ability Nope, Joe is athletic my reach athletic, but I got a bigger better reach than you do. I don't know I do One of those car wash things no, dude. I got crazy reach. It's nuts Mexican That was good I go this is fat thighs. Don't be that way. Why do you like it's fat thighs? I go with I would go with your big fat wide tongue you guys guys guys Don't have fat thighs you motherfucker no you go with my biceps obviously, yeah, dude. That's not what this is. I like you to snap immediately. You fucking pussy. I don't have fat thighs, you motherfucker. No, you go with my biceps, obviously.

I mean, yeah, dude, guns and avaros. You're not going with your biceps. Put them away. Put them away. Let me just try. You have short arms. Let me just try. Let me just try.

Let me just try. Yeah, get your midget arms out of here. Look at me, I'm strong. Would you like to be lifted up? You know what, dude? Those aren't bad. A lot of. Look at that.

You know, a lot of. Those are pretty good, dude. I'm not gonna lie. These are fucking the arms are between you and Lewis. I mean, I mean, come on. What are we doing? Lewis arms. Look at it. Look at that.

Get out of here, Joe. Joe, you have a bump like my son. Yeah, Joe, get out of here with your seventh grade arms. We're going Bobby or Lewis. I mean, I mean, Lewis, yeah, but look at mine. Come on, doggy. What are they like? Mine are good, too.

You're shaking, just being able to flex. It hurts, it hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It's hurting. Louis' arms. But my- Bobby, obviously-

Bobby's lips. Can I say something? Bobby's lips. Your face. Just the whole face? No, no, no, no. Yeah, I'm better than you. I like Bobby's-

Bobby's lips for sure. Bobby's my skin. Yeah, my skin for sure. Skin. You're covering the. I like Bobby's lips for sure. My skin. Yeah, skin for sure. You're covering the outside. Your skin's immaculate. And your lips. And I think we got Louis's arms. My teeth, ready?

Let me see. I think we're pulling them out. Yeah. Oh my God, Bobby's been gumming it the whole time. He's like, oh, hell. Yeah, good teeth. Hair. Look at those teeth.

Yeah, Louis. My hair doesn't count because it's Joe. all right, it's Joe's time out. Joe's hair. Alex, Alex, whatever your name is. Natalie, create a list here. Joe's hair. So it's Joe's hair for sure. For sure. And Joe's height.

We have Joe's hair, Joe's height. And my cock. I don't know. No. And my brain. Dan's cock. I'll say it right now. I've seen him pee.

I go, I've never seen it, but I believe in it. You listen to his voice. You know that man's got a thick piece. I believe in Dan's cock. Dan, you've seen him pee I go. I've never seen it, but I believe in it. You listen to his voice You know that man's got a fit. I believe in dance car. Dan. You've seen my cock In so yeah, you're so Seized yeah, yours is only good like listen if it was it. Yeah, we're talking clean dick. I would throw maybe like it's like a plane without Its engine it soars Roast comic hey I like dance here better, but mine's scientifically It doesn't matter no you can't but that's that's crazy. I hear it's here look none

I'm not better none of us have good. Are you crazy? He's John Cusack hair. I love Joe's hair I'm gonna tell you right now when Joe's peeking on a haircut might be the best hair in comedy I Got beautiful eyes Nobody I have beautiful eyes. It's all right. Nobody wants shit brown eyes like us. Let's get real. Me and you got beautiful eyes. Joe's got nice eyes.

What about the eye shape altogether? All right, I say the eye color of Joe but the inside of the eyeballs of Dan. Yeah. I don't know, let me see yours. No, yours is dark. These are bright. Dude, mine changed.

Mine's bright. Mine's bright. Dude, mine changed. Mine's bright. Mine's go blue or green. I go whole eye. Dan's whole eye. Joe's eyes go. Yours is dark and then smokey. No, no, no. Joe has doll eyes.

All right. I got a beard. Like a doll's ass. Bobby, I'll give you the nose. You got the hair. You got the hair, dude. That's all you got. The hair's yours.

Bobby, I'll give you the nose. Bobby's got a good nose. Lips. You get the nose. The lips. Let me get the lips. The lips. No, no, no, no, no. The lips have been done. Bobby's lips.

Lewis, we've been over this. And by the way, you're going to get biceps. We're going to get those fat old thighs of yours. We're not getting my fat thighs. There's no reason for it. I say Lewis's shoulders. My shoulders and arms. Arms go to Lewis.

Just give me Lewis's arms. Me and Lewis both don't get stomach. So who gets stomach? List. List's got a great tummy. I got a horrible stomach. Yeah me Louis's arms. Me and Louis both don't get stomach. So who gets stomach? No. List. List's got a great tummy. I got a horrible stomach. Yeah, List's stomach. I would almost go, I'm going here, here's the deal. His stomach looks like an unfinished drawer. It's just nuts. I go, List's torso. And I go, Louis's arms. Yep, shoulders.

The arms? The big ass arms on this torso. I love it, dude. I'll make a fucking freak GI Joe any day. No, but List's chest. List's gotta do it. No, I say my chest, shoulders, and arms, and upper back. List's abs, stomach, into his butt. Yes.

List probably has the best butt here. List, let's see your butt. Let's see your butt. Let's see that butt, List. Get up here. You got a good tush, don't you? By the way, this is way easier than I thought. It was gonna be to put together the perfect male.

That's a good tush. Yeah, you got a good tush. But Lewis, bring up your fucking honker. You got a my ass. You got a wagon. My ass. I've seen it. Oh yeah. I've seen your naked ass. These are gross. Look at that. Look at his plump. Look at that plump fucking dude. What a push dude. All right. List stomach, list stomach ass into his thighs. Maybe even his calves. No. I'll tell you what, no calves on his. No. Bobby's calves.

No, I got the calves. No, Bobby's shaped like a calf. No. Here's the deal, you take, you take just- I got one second. He just gave me a dirty face. Yeah. Do you want my jawline?

No, what jawline? No, it's non-existent. You get my jawline. We can't take anything above your shoulders. But let me see, is Bobby's face gonna work on your jawline? Yes, it does. Oh my.

Oh, does it? Bobby's nose and mouth, my complexion, the nice brown. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like a caramel. With my skin. Yeah, oh! With his smooth ass skin? Yeah, minus the permanent black eye

that you have for some reason. What is that? What do you mean, permanent black eye? Your left eye. Looks like it's been punched every morning. I spar a lot. Black eye that you have for some reason What is that? Your left eye looks like it's been punched every morning. I spar a lot. You have bags. I spar too You don't see any fucking black eyes. Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes asshole. They don't know that Damn, dude. I like list being Like stomach whose hips but whose hands Not my hands my hands my hands are like my hands, my hands are skeleton-like.

My hands are nice. I mean, Louis has nice hands, but. I don't know, I like Bobby's hands a lot. I have great hands. I could palm a basketball. Oh! Oh, those hands! Those hands are out.

A little slippery. Bobby's out. It's Joey, it's Joey Lewis now. No, that was the court. Joey Lewis. No, no, no. No, dude. You're out, Bobby, you're out. You're out, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Your hands are goofy. The fingernail. Look at the fingernail. Look at the fingernail.

You can take your nails. Fine, give him his nails. I got a Dawn printed on my finger. The fuck out of here. Yeah, get out of here. The fingernails. Well, both of you guys have gay hand tattoos. Yeah, you have a fucking gay one too.

Fucking tattoo brown. Yeah. That's gotta be good to explain that in your 60s. No, no, no, no. The Legion of Skanks was a racist parker. James, tell your wife I didn't mean to say the N-word. I don't cash his black. That's your voice for 60s, but Bobby's gonna be 60 in like three years.

You know what, dude? I'm saying you don't sound like that. I don't. It's ten years. It was a compliment, sandwiched in an insult, sandwiched in a compliment. Guys, Bobby's on the doorstep of 60s. The beef Wellington of insults. It was a compliment sandwich in an insult sandwich in a compliment guys 90s you don't sound like this in your 60s. You can if you smoke a lot Yeah, it really is taxing doing a show with kids who attend your show I'm tired

I'm saying you sound great. They're saying you're an old piece of shit. Yeah, it's the funnier thing. It is true What do we take it Dan just as my jawline my penis jaws penis? Do you want to hear the whole list? Yeah, so far. Let's see what we got so far I want you to draw this for the time being We need feet yeah feet I got big feet you don't want mine I Is the engineer we need feet feet? I got big feet. You don't want mine. I have Whoa God I added version to mend feet. Those are fucking sick. Yeah Are you good good feet? What the fuck happened to you?

Sorry, dude, I get horny around men I do have big thick feet kind of flat-footed. Yeah, Bobby, what are your feet like? You don't want my foot. Okay, Joe, he's got some funky toes. Turns out this is where we really run out of options. I got warts. No, you got warts on your feet? No, Joe. I might have best feet. Dan, let's say. My feet are fucking gross.

Let me see. My feet are disgusting. Let's see. No. They're gross. How bad are they? Like yellow toenails? Yeah. Yeah. You can take pills.

I had one yellow toenail and I took the pills. Took about a year to get rid of it. Yeah, but it fucks up your liver and you could die. Yeah, no, if you drink on it. I was doing it every 15 days and then stopping for 30 days. It's not terrible. 15 days. Not terrible.

Your feet. No, no, I'm telling you. I gotta go to a podiatrist. This was literally yellow. Yeah, I got it. And to the point where it was like complete, like I started using the stuff that you put on top. Yeah.

And it would like melt the nail away and it was kind of gross and falling apart. It was fucking ranted. I was very self-conscious for like a year and a half and I went to my doctor and they put me on a medication specifically. But it can't fuck up your liver. He had me doing it 15 days on, 30 days off in a cycle like that.

You gotta keep going back in. I just gotta go to a podiatrist to take a look at these puppies. I have a dead toenail on my big toe and it's spread to my other toe. I got an ingrown toenail. And you know where you get it from? The gym. Yeah, it's just I'm clanging a bag in my foot.

Jim Norton gives it to me. He went, puh, spit in my foot. Like acid. Dude, I think we got a good fight. Louis's feet. Whose asshole? Whose asshole? I have a little bit of a hemorrhoid.

I got a good asshole. Do you wanna hear the? I would take your asshole. Let's see what we got. Should I put someone's asshole? Yeah, Dan's asshole. Since we're giving my penis, you should give my asshole too. True.

Who's ears? That was the most convicted I've ever heard, Natalie, in our whole fucking show. Ears. Oh, I got bad ears. I got elf ears. I have cauliflower ears, which is kind of the ultimate male. You wanna scare others

Uh, I like it's either Joe or Bobby's line look at this Dan. No, I don't want you. I have man ears. Yeah I got too many as elf ears. I got elf ears to look at mine minor Elfie. Yeah, look at mine Okay, Bobby's ears Bobby's ears, it does whose eyebrows I got good eyebrows. My eyebrows are the best It's Joe's eyebrows, I got good eyebrows dude, who's can we use Joe's five head Yeah, there's more for I like it we can use half of your head just keeps going to the backside You have no hair. You think this isn't cool I think it's not well, I spent money so I didn't look like that

Yeah, because you have an ugly shaped head. Do I have a you you fucking I have a horrible would not work for you Yeah, you have a squash shaped head. No, it's very bad. I talked about it on stage. It's disgusting. Yeah All right, there we go. What's it? What's the list here? What about nipples? I got bad nips. I got I think nips come with the chest. No, big, big. Are you crazy? That's a hell of a nipple. Yeah, those are good. That's a Cheerio nipple. Look at my nipple. You're fucking look at the giant nipple. Look at my nipple. Milk is about to explode from your nipples. You guys got to move your mic stand so I think I think Joe's nipples Joe's nips

I think Joe's nips. Yeah, yours are weird. No weird. No, it's too small. It's small. That's what people want you I'll bother on a girl. What do you want little fucking tiny nipples? No, you don't you want? You want girl nipples you don't fat ones the whole Like a nice fat nipple build our Frankenstein. Don't you have to leave it to I gotta go good Right now we're riffing. We're having a good time. We could have gone but then it's to pay right there about my friend I'm a timekeeper Dan. I am the timekeeper. This is what I'm cursed by the society to be the timekeeper number Numbers, numbers, numbers. I must, where do I exist?

What is it, Natalie, read it. All right. I am the timekeeper. We have Joe's hair, Joe's height, Dan's dick, Joe eye color, Dan's eyes. Hold on, Natalie, Natalie, Natalie, can I just say, you wanna visualize this being? Oh, sorry, sorry.

How about we go from the top down? All righty. So Joe's height height Joe's hair yeah Joe's eye color but Dan's eyes great Bobby's nose yeah did we pick lips yeah Bobby's lips and Joe's eyebrows and Joe's eyebrows Dan's chin yeah I'm visualizing this right now this is kind kinda getting hot. This is a hot guy right here. By the way, my head has not been involved in this. No, honestly, if we can be honest,

the shape of your head. Who's neck? Who the shape of my head, and also my skin color. We did pick that. But not what's in it. I mean, I think the neck. Neck, we gotta go Louis. Bro, my neck, shoulders, everything. The neck's not good. I love you. You don't have to say it like that. Your neck's not good. Mean I think the neck neck we gotta go Lewis

You don't have to say it like that your next you can just say not your neck Good today, no, I you know what I did. I learned to express myself. Yeah Not your neck not not your neck my neck but everything else My shoulders my biceps tricep my arms my hand your whole my chest and my upper back Yeah, you're not your stomach just the coolest from your tits down the most bad the most badass fucking part of the torso Yes belongs to me the top in the middle and never Joe's little then we come down to a little V. I know cuz we're looking like a triangle Which I am way on board with come gutters especially with that come gutter goes right to my big hog The Dan's hammer of a dick on this little torso

To Joe's but, into Dan's asshole, down to Joe's legs, calves, and then Bobby's calves. Bobby's calves, my big old feet. Yes. You're clean feet on medication. I like this. And then we got Bobby's skin covered all in Bobby's skin. I gotta say, great topic. Great topic. Great topic. great topic. Great topic.

Great topic. Great topic. Great topic. Thank you, whoever tweeted this at Lewis. Thank you. Check it. Thank you, whoever tweeted it. Thank you, Zach.

We had a good topic close out, guys. That was it. That was a good topic. Good episode. And I wanna, by the way, here's what I'll say. If you guys send us the best rendition of that the whatever is whether it can be hand-drawn AI or whatever it is Whoever creates the best rendition of that. I will give you a free pair of skank fest passes Piece of art that's great so that we are artists have to get your get a friend

That's an artist to do it, but it has to be exactly as we described it. All those parts. Can you do them listed too? Like a little drawing out, like a line out. However you want to do it. And if you know there's comic book artists that listen to this shit.

There's gonna be, no, no, no. So here's the way you do it. If you're not an artist, get a friend who's a great artist. Can I even say this? Cause you get two tickets. I'm just spit balling here. I think if it's good enough, if it's a good enough drawing

Drawing we make a poster of it and you as a regs poster We sell it at Skankfest and we give them the money And I also think No no no We're giving them the tickets you piece of shit We get the money you cuck sucker You're selling out douchebag Sorry Natalie edit

Cut Sorry I care about the people don't edit that I'll one up you if your yard is not too big a small modest yard will move the Cape Cod Melanie but again if you have too large of a yard now we can't do backyards we're talking front yard side yard front yard and maybe front with some side yeah no backyards guys we can't do that if you have an average size house on the key 30 40 people and we're talking weekend so there's no bridge traffic I love you guys so much fun town hall down all I go see it bogo come see me Long Island, spoken.

Go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly. All my dates are up there. Jersey, I'm gonna be out here for a month. I'm gonna be all over the place. And then make us a Regenstein. We're doing Regenstein. A Regenstein, that's great. And I got a surprise, I think next, no, for all of us. That's coming.

Joe's cigars? No, the next regs. I think it might be. Is it a guest? No, it's no guest It's a it's a gift It's a luisi k fucking gift forever. What are you doing this dude? You're gonna get me killed Okay, I like ending on a dan bomb. Yeah All right