Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Amardeep Gill

Episode Date: March 30, 2015

Robert is joined by Mike Vecchione, Marina Franklin, Dan St. Germain, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 rados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? Y no lo sé, dude. ¡On the Riotcast Network! Riotcast.com.

¡Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth! This is going to be a cost of art. This podcast has no rules. What are the mic-asshole? To the funniest podcast on the planet Earth No, the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret I get a microphone That was trying to keep it like a comic head It's just us sitting down Sometimes it's hilarious sometimes it's had no topics no directions. I love doing it Side to the coin I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it.

I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it.

I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it.

I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. I love doing it. Oh Overshot Hey, hey, say head of the world in perpetuity. Oh good word Not sure what it means we know yeah hashtag me neither oh shit Mike wow well what yeah I thought he was just doing panoramic just gonna run around the room you like a panoramic shot it's like yeah it's like

Tommy Lee's drum set going on let's go you know it's funny What are you doing making noise stop making fucking noise is a show going on stop Introduce everybody already we got a small show today since my right we got Dan St. Germain back a second time of the show Couple time I think it's time for the second time of Bobby, but oh, yeah It's right a couple times. Yeah, let me have a returning guests Mike Vecchio. Yes, the fact is wrestling championship Yeah, I was just coming from when you texted me on the I was on the plane. Are you really a champion? Now I went to watch nationals in St. Louis. How was it? Unbel it was unbelievable. It's the top wrestling in the country. Yeah, some guy will four years in a row, right? Yeah, he was

He's a Ohio State I state one that's earned a minute and this gets deeper one of four years in a row There's been like a guy unbelievable Unbelievable the way you wrestle tournament and this gets Steve or one of four years in a row there's been like two other guys. They're unbelievable, they're okay. Unbelievable the way he wrestled. I mean, you know how, I don't know, at the top of any sport, the guys who are really, really good at it, it doesn't even look like they're giving effort.

They're just like flowing from one thing to another. Yeah, good. Are you guys listening to anything? No, we are, man. I don't know, I'm just getting really, no reaction. Yeah. Getting, we are, man. I don't know. I was just getting really too wide. Yeah. Getting, I'm mixing, I'm buttoning, and I'm listening.

I was, I was, I'm interested because- Because it's just giving me dead stairs. Well, I was looking at your wrestler torso. You was just thinking of like shit to give. No, your face goes blank when you're thinking of shitting on someone. You're just picking the right point. But I had nothing to do.

I didn't have any. I was trying to do something about it. I had a mean one in the can, but I was like, it's too mean. So I didn't want to say it. It's early in the show. Yeah, so I held back and then you called me out on it. It's funny. You, I mean, I like wrestling. But I don't know if I can go watch it.

Is it that interesting? Yeah, no, no, no. For people who are, don't, haven't done it or aren't fans of it. Yeah, it's probably not as interesting. You were wrestling it back in high school? Yeah, high school. Then how far did you go with that? I'm placing states in Florida.

I placed second with the finals and lost my senior year. And then I wrestled a Penn State for a while. Wow. A year. I wrestled every year and I just took, I was out of my league. I really, I just took two games. I'm out of my tough kid, but like I was just taking beatings man. Did you, did you have the ear pieces on so you don't have to be a poly flower here? Yeah, really? No, what is that from them smacking your head?

Yeah, it was a really super aggressive. It's like they set up, you know, they set up angles in order to attack, in order to do that, they like smack your head or do whatever they gotta do. There's a lot of head movement. So it's a lot, it's almost like hitting somebody. Yeah, and not so much in high school, and college is very, very tough, very, very tough.

So they'll smack the side of your ear and it fucks up your ear. Yeah, if you're not wearing a head gear, and it gets fluid accumulates in there, and then you have to get it drained, which is as painful as it sounds. Oh, and then it hardens, and then it looks like your ear is like pregnant.

So even if you drain it, you can't, you won't go back to normal. Right, it just like hardens, to drain it in that heart. Well, can't they fucking just smash it and then form a better ear, like at the end of your career, and then let it harden into a good ear.

I don't know, a lot of guys wear it like a... You know what I'm saying? You talk about roach. If we could put a man on the moon, we could probably get your ears pulled. Well, what I'm saying is if you, if you, the way you get called the flower ears is by hitting it, it fills up with fluid

and then the fluid hardens, correct? Right. Okay, so you're draining it, whatever. So at the end of your career, just take a fucking nice hammer, a flat hammer, and smash your ear on an anvil. And then when it fills up with the fluid, as it's hardening, kinda form it into an ear.

Like what it was, you're using the fluids to make another ear. May, fluid to make the ear that you have, but just look better. This is a double. It's a double. Why you're not a doctor. Bobby. Yeah. Oh, no, but I asked. I knew that when he said anvil.

He brought anvil. Like casino, like a scene for casino. Have you now you don't look like you did sport? I wrestled in high school. I did. I'm a freshman year and then I dropped out. And then I did cross country. I love that. So, So you, you, uh, you didn't have the beard back down though, right? Clean cut. Yeah, I was totally pussy. Although I do think that like if, any comic, if like they became like a millionaire, like a multi-millionaire, yeah, like I could

totally see them doing the Fox catcher thing, you know, like that kind of insanity. What do you going into it? Like just like having your own property and like hiring like a girls volleyball team to work on it or some shit like that. You know, just like watching the corner, you know? Given the speeches when mom comes out. Yeah, I mean, like my ultimate goal in comedy is just to become a private detective.

It doesn't have to, you know what I mean? Like that's the shit I think about it. Like, oh, maybe if I made enough money in this, I could like open a cold case. You know, like, that's's the shit I think about it. I'm like, oh, maybe if I made enough money in this, I could open a cold case. You know, that's what I'm gonna do, actually. People are like, oh, how are special? I want to be the next priored. I'm like, man, if I could just find a way to sell the Zodiac,

which probably means I shouldn't be doing this. No, dude, I think the same shit. I want to make enough money to sell in a robot. I just want to get a Hawaiian ice machine and become the Hawaiian ice guy. The funny Hawaiian ice guy. Yeah, like the guy. Like my cups are hats.

What do you mean? After the dunic, where is the hat? Yeah, after you've done, you put it on the hat and you can goof around. Yeah. What do you think? Well, I think when you start your ride, I'm gonna be the comedian that wins an Oscar. And And the new dude for 10 years and you're like,

I wonder what it would be like to own property. Yeah. Everybody else is everything kind of changes. Yeah, everything else changes. Well, as yeah. How about I'm doing a 20 years and thinking that. How hard is it to get your real estate license? Yeah. I think all comments to Benny. He's a real estate. Yeah, but he actually, He's like a legit guy. Well, he's a legit real estate guy, and he sells high-end properties,

and him and his wife, she actually has her own business too, where she makes, I think, soap, or something like that, which is actually pretty successful. Yeah. They're both successful in that, but his career just popped off again with last company's handing.

Yeah, right. So now he's torn again. So he's kind of living the dream, you know, you get, he's gotten the end of both worlds. The end of both worlds. That doesn't sound good. The end of both worlds? You know, the end of both worlds. Best of both worlds. I wish it was the end of your worlds.

Fuck, the end of both worlds. Fuck, this has been too nice. Hate. They get the end of both. Spikes has been too nice. Hey, they get to end the both worlds. You know what I mean? With the soap and the real estate. And then there's a third thing to comment. It's the end of three worlds.

They get the shut the fuck up. The fuck kind of people don't hang me. They get the end of both worlds, hang me. I am. No, I think about that. I I thought about being a private detective because you think it's not that hard. What do you do? You fucking hang out? No, I would. What if you run out of clues and you're like, I just, I don't know. Well, for sure.

I don't think you do clues. It's not your Sherlock. I mean, at least called evidence. I mean, I found a clue. There's a hair on the rug. I mean, it's like that type of stuff, right? Let's rework the facts. I think, do you get the money if you don't solve the case? No. I think here's what I think happens. Remember the girl that showed her boobs on here, by the way?

She worked for a private eye for a long time. Who is this? A Leah Janine. A Leah Janine. I love that you know her name. Because her titties. Oh yeah, she's, no, she's fucking gorgeous. She's just so sexy, just sexy. Oh.

And she was a private detective too for this guy. They had a show on TV. Remember that show, what was it called? The detective show? I don't know what it was. But it was basically a private eye. And he had these hot chicks and they would go and get information and do surveillance. And someone, hey, I think my wife is fucking banging this dude or I think my partner is

stealing money and they would go and just do surveillance and squeeze information out of them and then report back to the people with that so they could have a case. It's not like you, it's not like in the TV show where you solve the case No, but I think it's that's what most of that private detective ends up being is my wife cheating on me is my husband cheating That's what it ends up being. I mean, there's no like They're not calling you into solve a murder You know, you have money. You could do what you want to do they have that they could it's called the FBI It's just the highest private. I right. It's not private. It's a private detective is like in the private sector.

So you see sector, you're saying that I have a criminal justice degree. I think I know what I'm talking. Oh, you do? I know you've got the cap, but I have the degree. You really have the degree? Yeah, I have a criminal justice degree, bro. They just don't give those out.

You can't get them on. Not a bent state. You can't get them on. No, you should give them out because you're not doing anything with it can you give you as a way you have a criminal say yeah that's a this amazing mic isn't I think so oh it's amazing because I thought it was amazing that you wrestles but you move giant bitch play me fucking blues I was gonna lose band of people. I was gonna collect the most pigeons, one. We made our own bacon in college.

I'm like a pro one thing I think to do. It is weird that you fucking, when did you become this guy? Well, I went from like, I did sports for a little bit, and then I was like, I'm theater, and then I did drugs, and I feel like that, you know, once you start doing this. Oh really? Then I was like, yeah, so then I got like a jam'm theater, and then I did drugs, and I feel like that you know, once you start doing that. Oh really? And I was like, yeah. So then I got like a jam band scene, like way to run.

You play music? Not with shitty drums, and like, I just got a hermonic, I'm trying to like, fucking, you have one of my newest thing. No. Well, in my bag, yeah. But I know, I like, warning one song. Can you play a little? No.

I need the fucking book in front of me. I know. No, no, no, no. This is gonna be like when Kelly for Stuka did stand up for you guys. It's gonna be way worse than that. Nothing. Nothing without that.

Statistically, factually, scientifically. I can't, I just do embarrassing. I'll come back. Hello, I'm gonna be back. I'm gonna owe my bum his beak. I'm gonna be back in New York. I'm gonna be back. I'm gonna owe my mom his big. I'm gonna be back in New York, I'm gonna be a promised thing. I'm gonna be back in June and I'll do it then

cause I'll wait, if you have me back. Then I get two months to practice. And I'll come on just for two minutes and leave. I'm gonna let you off the hook. Yeah, thank you. And because this weekend, I tried learning play the drums last year I started and I been playing for under year. And this weekend I I tried learning to play the drums last year, I started, and I've been playing

for under a year. And this weekend, I got offered, there was a big show, Me, Norton, and Arty Lang, did at the Mafia Theater in Tampa for my Calta show, it was fucking awesome. And his band right after the show was in the lobby in Pitbull, Toddler, and they played. And they were like, you're coming up, you're doing a song on the drums. And I was the same drums And I was the same way I was like dude I don't fight because I've never played live I've never done all the drumming I did on I did is like over a track So it's pretty much lip syncing right so that's a little easier. There's no audience Well, you understand that people don't know I never knew either the band when the what the band hears and what you hear

A different because you're in front of the speakers. Yeah, so when you're on, what the band hears and what you hear are different because you're in front of the speakers. Yeah. So when you're on stage with the band, it's a totally different world. It's dead. You really can't hear the singer. You can't hear anything. Plus they just saw you killed and then you would just immediately take that away. It was like being drunk. Oh yeah. Oh, you would totally forget about it. Oh, it would have been the fucking talk of the town plus these the number one Show on in Tampa. So if I bombed how happy would he be? Cuz he had video of just me fucking bombing

Yeah, it's painful But I was nerd dude. I was so nervous and I kept can't I kept telling the guy. I'm not gonna do it I gotta go it's I at one point went, it's too loud in here. Like I was like, oh, Jewish. It's loud, I can't hear. And the guy, Tony Burton, Super Agent Tony Burton, was like, I was like, dude, I'm out, I'm done. And then they were like, all right, fucking Robert Kelly.

And I had to go on stage. You should. To my heart fucking sank. And I went on stage and we played a C.D.C. Highway to Hell. I couldn't hear how bad was it was a good great. It's easy song in the fucking world. It's still fucking impressive. But I was fucking I fucked up a couple times on the groove. I saw the lead singer laugh at one point, because he's like, BOW now, now. I'm here to catch up. How many people were there?

It was the show, it was thousands, but the band after was a few hundred. I mean, it was pretty packed up. There was a lot of people. The funniest thing in the world though, after the show, I was talking about this on ONA today. Such a different world after the show all the people coming up hey this is my boyfriend me my boyfriend had been fans for a while can we get a picture me my boyfriend love you after playing

drums as soon as I go off. Hey I'm Megan. Oh my god really. What is this boyfriend. Wow. Dude it's the band thing. You can be a mediocre musician and just crush pussy. And add fat. Right. That's unbelievable. Right, but as soon as like, it doesn't, people are like, oh, you must get weighed in the road.

I'm like, dude, it's only couples that come. No single lady comes to the comedy show. Yeah, unless you're like fucking pretty stupid. Unless they do a batch of rep party and they fucking suck. And real wild chicks are not coming to see comedy Well not come to see our comedy. Yeah, you know fucking ding cool. That's true. Thank Cook Delia That's true. I would say who else I would say I think those are it Paulie sure you got a story Paulie sure it's a prize this certain guys who like a track

Single nothing about my act says fuck me. You know what I mean? A tracked single nothing about my act says fuck me. You know what I mean? It's always like I'm a fat piece of shit. I'm like use desperate. Hey, listen, I got nice bees. You take the shirt. There's something going on. I, my whole act is deterring young hot chicks

to even come to my show. You have a tentative fart joke. Yeah. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm just literally like you are nothing to do with. There's only so many Florence night and gal types that want to show up to like help. Yeah. Okay, where's the thing? Go to the floor. I can't bend down and get it right now.

He's throwing it to me. He's throwing it to me. He wants night and gal to help. Let me try to save it. What is it going to help? Yeah, it's a bomb. That's the bomb band anniversary there. Just so we know who had the last stanker.

What's the heart of somebody's bomb on the show? Oh, man. Where there's like a joke that didn't like a whole thing or just a guest in general. Well, we'll can't speak English. So. Yeah, but that's not a bomb. It's actually the best thing that's ever happened to the shot.

I'm trying to say, blue, gramm say blue, grammets, the Jewish disease, blue grammets. Blue Garrett, it would have fun. Blue grammets, it's a Jew disease. He thought Hitler made it up. But yeah, it was fucking nerve-wracking. Nerve-wracking to learn an instrument and then play it live

is fucking ridiculous, ridiculous. Yeah, that's not, that doesn't sound fun at all. Now, it went, but after, it's the fucking best thing in the world. It was so. So there was like women coming up to you right into that. Soon as I sat down, I was all,

because I threw my drumsticks out and then some chick came up, can you sign this? Oh my God, I was like, what? What did you do? So more women came up to you for that than filming like an hour. I was like, what? And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down.

And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat down. And then I sat couples. Yeah, there were couples. I mean, there was a small window for me.

I had a small window where, you know, I had, like when I was working the seller, when I was becoming an official headliner, but I was milling a lot and working. We were just in the city more than I was on the road. Right, right. I could get a lot of pussy at the seller. I mean, I remember I had so much box at the seller. I mean, that's the place everybody just gets late, huh?

Yeah, and the Boston Comedy Club too, man. Back then, I was just, yeah, chicks would show up and I would just try to crush it just so I could get some box. Yeah. I did a teacher from Brooklyn. I remember that girl. Oh wow. Yeah, oh she was fucking long, curly hair, beautiful body.

Total fucking, you know, worked with kids during the day. My name is Marriott. Fucking, I was just taking it from me at night. I always made her come in the city, too. She needed some. Taking it from the kids during the day, taking it from me at night Rounded educator, then I would I would go to these girls once yeah, I'd go to your house once and then that's it You had to come in the city. I fucking refused to date a chicken stand out. I was like I'm not

I know I could do that. I'm not doing a captain to fucking go get pussy. No I you have a girlfriend, right? Yeah, you're a girl. Yeah, I've gotten late in like two months. Are you crazy? We talking on a phone for a while. I thought you were doing good. Wait, I had a moment. We're friends outside of this, bro. I just said that to let you guys know. Yeah. I had a moment, but that was a man. January. I had like three in like two weeks. Then all of a sudden, it just ended. You had three chicks in like two weeks. You get laid. Yeah., well two out of three. And the other one, you know, head, you know, she took your name.

Yeah, well, you know, blowjob. Yeah, but it didn't just stop. Yeah, there's just two months of an occult street, Kim. It's weird, it does, when it rains it pours. It was pussy, I remember back in the day, even at my hottest, I would fucking still, there would be times where I got nothing. And I just didn't get it.

I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? Well also you don't drink, which is like 30 times harder. Well I used to pretend to be interested in you know, are you? Yeah, I'm not drinking. So it's the same shit. I used to take him to coffee shops. That was my thing. I would take him to like French roast up the street

and I had little spots around here that I'd take him to and we'd laugh to the shows. Always laugh up the street. And I had little spots around here that I'd take them to. And we'd laugh to the shows, always after shows. Waves. Yeah, you gotta wait to make sure that you can. One o'clock, two, three in the morning. But what do they want to drink? They know. They would know.

Because I go through my whole spiel about being a recovering and they thought it was great. And no, I love that. And I get them a cup of coffee. Maybe we split a dessert. It was kind of romantic. And then I'd fucking make him suck my dick and a vestibule in front of the apartment.

I'm on the step where you suck my dick during the vet. Okay. Uh-huh. I was just cutting this up. Is that what I do? I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, two nights in a row where I'm like,

wasted my two nights like hanging out with some girl that like nothing happened. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Was she a comedian? No. It was a comedian it would have been fine. You know what I mean?

But like I was like at a bar. We went to a bar and then she's like, you don't drink so I'm gonna get black out drunk to and just hang out tomorrow night. And I was like, all right, sure. And then we like didn't and nothing happened again. So I think she was like too hungover. And her ex boyfriend came and they started like hanging out

And the work but it just says about me and that's why I'm like trying to get off like pussy in general that like I was willing to take that Emotional shit the next night. I was able the next night just because she was hot to be like hey, what's hang out? Yeah, are you fucking kidding me? Where's my fucking pride? Pride, I'm not, you know. Well, you'd be due, because there's a chance, you're gambling. You're gambling? It's gambling, it's just like, you know, look, I know I'm not gonna win,

but I'm gonna put another 20 on 17 black. Cause it hasn't come up in fucking 10 times. Oh yeah, I said before, I should get like a MacArthur grant for what I've done for pussy. It's been like unfuckin' believable. And the times I've humiliated myself and stand up are far less degrading than what I've done to try to get pussy. It's been like unfuckin' believable. And the times I have humiliated myself and stand up are far less degrading than what I've done to try to get pussy. I get that, you know what I mean? Yeah.

It's like, oh, I bombed, okay. I didn't spend four hours like part of it. We're intending to be in a fish. I've done so much bullshit for pussy. It's weird because I remember driving a girl like two hours somewhere and just fucking myself. Right. Just that she, I wanted to suck my dick. And then she started my, yes, of course she did. Thank God, but if she didn't, it would have been a fucking, what a shit ride home.

I've had those ride homes where you spend hours with some chick listening to hopes and dreams. And then at the end of it, she's like, all right, I'm gonna go or I don't feel it, she's like, all right, I'm going to go or I don't feel comfortable and you're like, all right, take it easy. And I mean, you just get a, then you go to a fucking parlor or some shit. Yeah, but that's how the sex addiction starts. That's, oh yeah.

Because then you go to, you got to go get, you feel like you have to go get released. You have to go have somebody touch your dick. Yeah. So now you got to get a whore. Hopefully there's a fucking some big girl you know that you got a fuck on the line. But only find that there's some guys who are just like, they're just dialed into that. Like they're not experiencing the things

that you're talking about. There's a certain brand of guys that just gets chicken. They're just dialed into them a certain way. And they're able to pull them. They're called Handsome. No, they're famous. Well, they're able to pull them, even if they're not. You know what I mean? They're able to pull them. And even if they're're able to pull them, even if they're not. You know what I mean?

They're able to pull them, and even if they're not able to pull them, they just go to the next thing. They don't even, there's none of this what you're saying. There's no stumbling. There's no, they just go to the next thing. Well, because I don't think that they're like, cause I, this is why I think I've problem myself

a steam is so wrapped up into that, you know? But then it's like, all right, and well, then I wasn't writing bits today. I was too busy thinking about fucking You know fucking the new girl But I but I really think that those guys Invest a lot of time in a box Then as opposed to other things. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah Well those guys will go conversation go talk at three in the morning. Yeah on on tinder or whatever

They'll have like an hour conversation at three in the morning. Whereas I think us, I would just be like, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. Yeah, I'm not doing that. I'm sleeping, dude. I'm really going to bed. I'm not doing that. I don't know.

There are some people, yeah. And there's some people, like I'm going to my friends wedding on Friday. He was like, you know, he was in a six year relationship and then it ended because he found some fucked up, you know, she was like kind of cheating. I don't know. But, and then like a year later, I don't know But uh and then like a year later

Graysed over the best part I was like you know same-town tax guy from work, you know same old bullshit. I love it I love you fan. He's in the chat room by the way He found a cockpecking it wasn't his cock. Yeah, it was basically like that. He keep looking for that freckle, but it's not that It was basically like that. You keep looking for that. It's black. But it's not that. That's gonna be mine.

Yeah. But then he just, he didn't like date or fucking anyone for a year and then he met his new wife. And I was like, I don't know if that's the right, I guess it's just two different ways to do it. Like, because I get through a thing, I'm like, fuck it, I'm gonna fuck my way out of this depression. And I don't know if that's healthy.

No, that's not healthy. That's, um, when you're depression, this is what I found when you're depressing you have those times And this is the hardest thing to do just to sit there and feel it and not cover it Whatever we saw you or pussy just sit there and fucking sit in it food another day just sit there and sit in it It's the hardest fucking thing ever. I remember we're right into your briga. You did our podcast. Yeah, we're just fucking in it Fucking in it. Yeah, because it's a form of torture though It's a form of sacrifice is when people give shit up for lent You know though they flog themselves

It's they're doing it for the better good and it's really hard to be depressed because you first of all You shouldn't just sit in it. You should talk to somebody about it So I agree with that you should deal with it and not not Not you like out not act out on it, but you should deal with it and not act out, not act out on it, but you should talk to your friends. Don't just sit in the fucking corner. And now, you're right. Talking about, but I'm talking about at night

after all that shit has died down here after your sets. You know what I mean? You have the choice to go out, get drunk, do smoke, do whatever, or you can just go to your room and turn the lights off and try to go to sleep. And if you can't sleep just sitting at yeah if you need to cry you need to cry imagine you all the pain like when I look at dead cops I mean if life's looking as dead like it's like weathe a weapon you're looking at a picture you're doing blow off the picture just like the light hanging back

yeah you're seeing some really dark moments back. I live in a house on stilts Thank you This is off now. I think I've redeemed myself That was that was bumming me out right now. I was I was I was You got into that a lot of fact on me. Yeah. It's like, you're not funny. Oh, fuck. I, but there's nothing better than when you're banging. When you got, when you get, when you're single

and you're banging chick after chick after chick, there's nothing better for your self-esteem or just life in general when you're just fucking. I remember when I, when I lived in New York, I remember I was fucking a chick, two doors down. I had a chick come in from Brooklyn, I was fucking her. I had a chick from the Bronx, I was fucking her. I remember this chick, I was banging,

she was Japanese Italian. I was like, fuck. That actually doesn't sound like a good comment. No, that's a great comment. Yeah, it's a great comment. Sicilian Japanese, are you fucking out of your mind? Big fucking mushy tits, real titties, real titties. Mushy's not my favorite word, but go ahead.

Lysel asks, fuck to face. He's scared. I remember I used to say, I used to park over by NYU over there and I used to go, because you know, I go over there and start making out with them and just finger pop them right there. Oh and oh it was just dirty just fucking shit I would never do now to my wife You know what I mean? I'm not gonna finger pop my wife at a part and why you don't No blow me on the stairs to the cellar

Fucking Keith brings me up. You got ready never have it Kelly I've ever gotten blown on the stairs? You fucking, you know, sometimes I got head right here in the cell. Really? Yeah, there's a secret door downstairs. If you come down this, anybody listen to that? If you ever come to the cellar,

you come down the first flight of stairs to the cellar and you take a right. Right to the right, there's a chain. And on the end of the chain, there's a key. And that key goes in that door. Nobody sees it, nobody knows it's there. And if you open that door, there's like a little room with pipes and whatever is in there, right?

There's so much in my DNA in that fucking room. I used to go in there, all four girls. Well, it's funny that I had so much play that I got a girl to go into a fucking dark room. Yeah, how long after you meeting them? Did you get them going the room? Couple days maybe okay, I wasn't like that night the night of the show and then I've done that though I've walked off stage one night chick was in the hallway and I just walked off and Walked up to her and just started making out with her.

And then we're back to the park to her. We're like, fuck the shit out of her. Never, I don't even know her name. I didn't know who she was. Wow. She was just like, you know when you see somebody watching you like they're just like a, and I was having like a really great set.

And I just walked off. I was like, what's up? But I just grabbed her instead of making out with her. And I took her hand and we went back to her apartment and I fucked the shit out of her. That's great. Yeah, she actually showed up like a month ago. Not really.

Did you recognize you? She came to my special. Well, we're good. No, I'm dead. Oh my god. It was crazy. It's weird. I mean, shit like that, but I love, I'm so good.

I regret, when I was doing it, I felt, I know if it was Catholic guilt or whatever, I felt like, oh, I'm being a pig and a massagingistic asshole. And I used to hate girl comics when they would like talk about those guys and I was like, oh, shit, I'm that guy. And I never felt like a bad person inside. Yeah.

But my actions were so horrific, you know what I mean? But then I was, I'm so glad I did it. Yeah, yeah. Now I'm a fucking, I am that guy. I have a wife. I have a wife. Yeah, I have no regrets though. No, that's what you don't wanna be like 50 and like,

oh I should have fucking did that. Yeah, then you rape and kill. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I got a bunch of money. I was like, my friends only know one thing. Like my friends only 27, 28 now, they get married. They only dated this chicks in college. Yeah, you haven't fucking done anything.

Like you're going to regret yourself at 50. Now that's good. You get that out of your system. Oh, yeah. Dude, I used to have this 18 year old. I mean, literally just I had to wait younger. I met her when she was 17. I waited.

I waited. It was like Ryan Reynolds in the waiting. I was treading them. I wait two weeks to fuck her, right? And I used to come to my house and wash my asshole as I took a shower. She'd be outside on the tub. I'd be inside and she'd like, I'd have to do like, I put my hands up like I'm getting searched by cops

and she'd scrub my balls and asshole from behind and then fucking wash it out and then eat my fucking asshole out and take my dick from the front and milk me like suck my dick from behind. She must have been fool Japanese. That was a different one. Yeah, I met she growled a Starbucks who was like seven who was like a knockout and she looked like 22s, she was 17 and I just walked away but maybe maybe you should have done

the way two weeks They then I felt weird like can't get her now. This is like rape if I get her number So I should just like no way she comes back when I'm 18. You should just get away. No, you guys could bang at 17 in New York No here in New York at 17 is it like the sex I had in my 20s my my my late 20s early 30s was fucking ridiculous Just fucking ridiculous. I mean comedy got me a lot of pussy It probably helped me back a lot too though because I was doing it to be a rock star Right to have those benefits instead of you know, I remember there was a point where I was like, I used to sweat every time I was on stage because I'd run around like a fucking lunatic. I used I was like I'm not gonna be able to run like this

So I better like start telling different jobs Yeah, cuz you cuz yeah, man, it's like I mean back in the day man pussy I mean, I think comics do get pussy, but not like bad not like rock guys rock guys But they don't get approached like that. Well, you were saying we have to work hard. Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah.

It's their on stage are creating music. It's just told you an atmosphere. Right. I know a buddy of mine, he was a fucking five foot two, but he got the most pussy in college. He could play guitar. Yeah. He could play guitar and he played drums. And they had a talent thing in my school.

He went up and fucking just what's on you guys want to hear and anything they want He played in his guitar and he fucking smashed the hottest check that night. Yeah, ridiculous. Yeah, that was a good story You know, we we should have helped him with that. We I mean that's how the conversation yeah, everybody just shut down We literally all took a break. It was kinda like my story. It would be quite. We just took a break. We were like, all right, let's go, we'll have this one.

I'm gonna take a couple seconds, get a breather, see what my brain's at. That was your moment. Yeah. So, yeah, so I played this gig this weekend, which was fucking awesome. I smoked cigars. I got to slow down with these cigars I think who do I love a fucking? So why why do you smoke cigars? Yeah, I do when it's good tonight. Yeah, but it's too cold still like one eight more

So it's a gal bar I like smoke a human being outside of the cellar like the other that's true. You fucked them you go to the cigar by like a man So host cigar bar Are you gonna the mac anuto? You there's a bunch of there's a bunch of places There's a bunch of places in New York City. You just go get a nice espresso or a diacote sit down let us let us stoke up Yeah, I like no yeah, I would do it But I'm used to doing it around spot like you know do a spot like smoke outside go do a comeback

You know you still got it there. Yeah, but cigars are so big how the fuck do you just smoke one between? Yeah, they put them Aaronburg does that What's that? Yeah, see I don't want to get into that that's smoking to me You know what I mean? That's just a bigger cigarette. It seems like yeah, I can't do it With that like smoking it like a cigarette So I just like so vent we can't inhale. I just kind of go back. Yeah, I like making I like making an event You know what I mean? I like kind of you know, we all after the show we go down to so hook a cigar

But we had some appetite. We shoot the shit, you know Yesterday I went to my I have a cigar club on the member of Shit, you know, yesterday I went to my, I have a cigar club on the member of cigar Republic up in like five minutes down the street from my house, which is, you know, it's just a fucking. So how many smoke in a day? I'll tell you. Not smoking a day. I'm smoking two or three a week.

Maybe, maybe probably two more like two. Right. That's a three. I'd say three. Yeah. Like yesterday I went up to this place. It's fucking great because it's a member's only, but they have a beautiful fucking cigar place, store, and the dude Yuri, who's cooler shit works there,

and he'll fucking, he knows everything about everything. And now, I brought my own bats in yesterday. I just bought a box of Monte Cristo whites. Nice fucking stoke, really mild. Go in there, I had to do some writing, and I fucking saw, I just sat there with a fucking stoke, my computer, headphones. It's great.

Fuck yeah, it's great. And as soon as I was done with the cigar, I was done with the writing. It was almost perfect timing. Folded it up my computer like a man, but home my wife didn't get it ready. Number one man, the thing you do. Yes, fucking grace.

I have a question, this is like a nerdy comedy question, but when did you go from like knowing like, you know, because you have that warrior period where you gotta do like 15 sets a week, or whatever, 20 sets a week. And then you went to that point where like, okay, I can take a week off now or I could take up and just do gigs on the road.

Like I can be smart about this. Where I, if I need to work on something, I can use these two days, but then I can take these nights off. That's a good question. I was talking to Norton about this this week because I was watching his act and I was like, fuck. You know, I'm so in a fucked up spot right now

because you know, like regular people in the stands, you guys will understand this, and I was like, fuck. I'm so in a fucked up spot right now because, like regular people that understand, as you guys will understand this, but I had an hour that was ready to go a couple of years ago. I just had this, it was from here to here and it was around an hour, maybe five minutes over, 10 minutes over, but that was my hour and I worked on it. And then, you know, whatever, it fell through and we had a weight another year, but then, you know, my life changed.

My son was born. I changed. I started talking about different stuff in different ways. So now I had this other 40 minutes or so of weird stuff, this other hour that was kind of not done, that would have been like a second hour. Yeah. And when I did my hour special, I just did every single joke I had. Do you understand?

Yeah. So I had all these, it was like a mixture of two hours. So it was weird for me. So I had all this extra material and now I'm out on the road and I don't know where the fuck I am because I have maybe one or two new jokes that don't fit with this but I don't have enough material to do a new hour but I'm getting paid good money. So I have to come up with some opener or it's like you feel fucking weird. Do you do some, will you do stuff that's been on TV or special?

I have no choice. It's like I was talking to Norton. He's like, yeah, I have no choice either. You have to do it. You have to do it. But it was good advice. He actually said he goes, you should open with the newer stuff. And then close with the older stuff.

And I always do an hour, but you can do 45-50 and let the other asshole have, you know, five more minutes or 10 more minutes, which I really never do, because I like doing the hour. Because for years, I thought it was, and I still believe this, as a headliner, as the guy they're paying, you should do the majority of the time.

You should be able to go from fucking one minute to an hour and kill, and you're a fucking headliner. You know, able to go from fucking one minute to an hour and kill and you're a fucking headliner. You know, if you got to come in and you can do 35 minutes and then crowd work for 10, I don't know, I don't know, what are you doing? I mean, I get it, you have to do it, you got chosen, but that's not really headlining to me. That's fucking making it. But, you know, now it's like, I have to, I have to, it's like he said it was funny. It's like you keep doing the new stuff and slowly all of a sudden you squeezing out the old stuff. And then there'll be 30 minutes and then there'll be 40 minutes.

And then you'll have to figure out an opener and an ending and then the new hour will be there. But it's a process. Because we get so fucked up because the curve was set so weird. Certain guys are just putting out hours every six months. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I don't think that's not what I fucking do. But it also takes, you know, like, till you're, I think, like, 15 year mark to be able to

even do that, you know. But do an hour and six months? I think that's a lot of that. I think an hour, even two years, every two years, even, you know, and I mean some- Well, maybe, maybe, you know, 20 year, 15 year mark. But I think it's I think an hour even two years every two years even you know, maybe maybe 20 year 15 year, but I think that they're look I don't ridiculous. I agree. Years ridiculous. I think a year is ridiculous. I think so too. Two years ridiculous. I think that's a lot. Two or three I think it's fun. I think two. Two is good. You know what I mean? I think two is good, but you know, the but the

fucking crowds are so are kind of demanding it now. It's like, oh, I saw you last time. You saw me a year ago. You want me to have a new hour in a fucking year? It's like, I did three new fucking jokes, you, but they don't get it. But I think it's, you know, as it is your responsibility to, you know, kind of push that out and have something new. But, you know, it's crazy too.

The ones that can do when you can take three months off of stand-up because you have that money. Okay, you got to spot, you got millions or thousands. And you can take three months off and just go to the clubs and do just clubs, clubs, clubs every night, like Chris Rock, like Louis does, like all the comics do. And they just fucking do that. And then all of a sudden they got the new 40 minutes

right there because they just did the clubs for two months. Now you can start going to clubs, not the theaters, good clubs where it does, I don't give a fuck, fuck you all, come in on a Wednesday and do your club. I'm gonna work my hour. And now with son you start sculpting it, sculpting it. And then all of a sudden, but you have that money. Now guys like you or me, we're getting paid to go do five shows

and they want you to do that. Yeah, yeah, get to go. You're there, not because you're famous, it's because you're funny. You know what I mean? And you bring some people in and you have to, where do you just say, fuck it and go do a new 20, a new 30, and if it's good it's

okay those people like yeah it's better last time that fear is always there yeah you're gonna lose them lose what you've built before you can hold on to that stand-up sucks it's it's a gigantic puzzle is it is a puzzle it's like if you keep reworking the puzzle but it's a great that you've got all that material out on your hour. I think that's what we only used an hour of it. So you're going to say it's all in the editing though. You edited it down to the best. You threw everything out, edited it down to the best, and then maybe you could do something

with the rest of it. But it's important. The quality of the hour is important. Not so much how fast you turn it over. Well, I think going back to your point, your original question, because I know that somebody in the shackle, that's not what he asked.

The original question, I take time off. Look, I can come in, I can come in and go to the fucking city every night, but I'm wasting time. I'm taking up space, because if I'm not doing new stuff, if I'm coming in just to do the old stuff, I'm wasting my fucking time. And, but I do think when you have, like soon, very soon,

I'm gonna be coming in more. Like I'll be coming in on Tuesday, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, maybe Mondays. And I'll be trying to go to different clubs because I need to start working on a new hour. I need to start doing that. So I'll be coming in more. But I think there is a time where...

And we do three spots a night, four spots, Vince. I'll probably do two, two. That's it, I'm not running around, I'm not killing myself. I don't need to do that, shit, anymore. I know if something's working or not. I know if something's working or not in one fucking spot. I know if something's working or not, I know if something's working or not in one fucking spot.

But I think, you know, when you, you know, I don't, my bills are paid, everything's done. I know how to do this shit. So I don't need to fucking, I don't need to run around and do seven spots. I think that's more for social thing and to kind of be accepted than it is. I mean, there's four people at this club.

I do you really know if the joke worked or you just run into it again? I don't know. Do you need to do that? You doesn't hurt. Of course, it's fucking bad, but you don't need to fucking do that, I don't think. Unless you want to show up because your friends are there

and the club owner and it's another spot, you know what I mean? I think but two spots and I don't know weeknight is good for it I think that's unless you're specifically running something for something. It's two spots is enough I mean, I don't give a fuck if you do four spots, but is that necessary? I'm just gonna burn you out though You then you're the weekend you're either headlining your inner shit You're gonna float up on spots then you're doing weekends, but you do those six spots and I for right

It's like by the end of it. You're like I guy and load up on spots then. You're doing weekends, but you do those six spots and I for a ride, that's like by the end of it, you're like, I don't even know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, I remember when I used to host, I used to fucking, like, this third show in, I'd be like, I used to see it the same joke all the time. I just do the same, a joke that I did already, because I didn't know if I did it,

and they're just looking at me and be like, did I do that? Yep, okay. Yeah, I've done that. I don't know what joke I'm doing. Yeah, I've done it. Yeah, I've done it. Cause it's too many shows. What's the most shows you've done in a weekend? On a night. Oh, on a night. It's I think six. I think six is the most

six. What about you? I think I six. What about you? Hey, Marina Franklin just showed up. How's your badge? Oh, you mic. Oh, you Mike Actually, what's wrong with your nostrils? I have a sinus a very severe case of sinusitis What the fuck is that is it catchy? No, how would you get just blew some stuff in my nose just now feels really good what I don't know is it had herb smelling stuff But Yeah Sleep for half hour. It's so sweet for it.

Like the torus. I'm going to go and hit with a ball-pean hammer. What? That last laugh was priceless. That was the rate. Did you get dittled at the doctors? He was nice. I was told by my doctor.

What do you mean? Is there was some for him? Do you ever think of him? You know what I really want to hear? I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm going to be Did you get dittled at the doctors? He was nice. I was told by my... What the fuck? Did he be a doctor? Is there was before he... Did you ever think of... You know what, I really wanted him to like me.

What? No, that's... It's amazing being doctors this morning. I really did. I don't even know what the f... Why? Well, I have really bad health insurance, so it's like a referral to a very good doctor. And my doctor said, since my insurance wouldn't pay for my high price nasal spray,

which is right. And a court awkward like $200. Uh-huh. She referred me to him and she said he's not really nice to everybody. Okay. So I really want him to like me and he liked you and he did and he was excellent. And he was, that's why I'm like, because I was like, I have to go this guy. Right.

If I don't get in, I'll never get in with this guy. Right. So now you're in with him why I'm like, because I was like, I have to go to this guy. Right. If I don't get in, I'll never get in with this guy. Right, so now you're in with him. I'm in with him. What did you have to say? It was very cool. Was he hot? No, I mean, he's older Indian man.

I've never had an Indian man in my life, but he was very cool. So I tried to do him a little bit. I wasn't a try, I just wanted him to, I wanted my experience to be good. I wanted to go back and tell her that it was all right. You wanted him to like you, like somebody with a fucked up dog that doesn't like women.

But he liked you, that's, you wanted that. I hooked up with so many girls who realized afterwards they weren't attracted to me. I'm right. After they fucked me once they're like, oh no, I wasn't attracted to him. I didn't realize that until afterwards. Oh, so you're saying you don't like,

you would never bang an Indian guy. I would. I haven't had it before. Had it? It's a food. I haven't had the roti. The roti? What's that?

That's the bread. I've had the non. It's pretty good, right? Oh, I love the non. Are you guys fucking right now? So did you do it now? Did he get weirded out with the ear, he's an ear throat? No.

No, he get weirded out when you took you top off. That freaky mouth. Yeah. Oh man, fucking big doobies. I do have huge ones. You got huge, huge ones. I'm a very good bra on today. Really what kind of bra is it?

Is it like from Gizmodo? I think Gizmodo? Is there an iPad holder? It does all kinds of things. What does it do? It'll tell you secrets. It'll touch me. Touch me there.

All right. I'm sorry. I was going to what? Was that nasal spray? Is there something in it? Your acting a little frown. I was so high right now. It was I'm sorry. Was that nasal spray? Is this something in it? Your acting a little, like, brain.

Oh, it's so, it feels so good. It feels so good. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what did, what did your, what, what did your, what, what did your, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, breasts. I had three last week. Are you okay? I had a really bad bra for a good month and a half. I was wearing, I don't know if you noticed, I was wearing a lot of hoodies, thick hoodies where you couldn't see my figure. It's because I had a horrible bra. I had three tits on stage. I was like, it was horrible. Now I have two and they're lifted and everything is fine. I have a waistline again. It's wonderful. And it'll tell you secrets. So I'm fucking weirded out. I'm fucking weirded out in half-hard. I have your rub by the way.

I'm sorry, excuse me. Speaking of. Bubba. The wax. Marina came in here throwing bombs. She really did. Thank God. Oh, not killing, dude. You're great. YouMN here throwing bombs. She really did thank God Not killing you're great. You're fucking great, dude I have six shows though Friday. Well, I think weekends though a different though Yeah, yeah on weekends I think because you can make rent money You can make bill money working in New York City on weekends. So I think you do Friday and Saturday Sunday

If they're paying weekend spot money You do as many as the fuck you can right why not what if you're in town and you're not headlining somewhere Do do fucking five or six spots make that cash which it's like what strippers at the end of the there's nothing better than having that What a dirty money in your hand. Yeah, but if you do more than two and then you load up on the weekend, it just it burns you out. I do. But load up on the weekend, I think is good because then you can what I used to do is I would break my hour up into 15 minute chunks and I would and I would switch it around and try to see if the jokes in the middle could hold up at the beginning and if the jokes at the beginning could hold up in the middle and all of a sudden you're using your

act like a puzzle. So now everything becomes stronger. So that you have a strong act through the whole set. You know, instead of, you know, there's a lot of times where, you know, you go up, it's just me because I fuck around with a crowd sometimes and, hey, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There was a time, a long time ago, where I couldn't go back to my act.

Cause I'd go up in crowd work, and then I'd try to go back into my act, and it wasn't as good. So I had to just go to my act and no crowd work until that those jokes became fucking only thing I had. So I can just do those. And then I could add the other shit back in and then it just enhanced everything.

But I think during the week two spots is good man. I mean anything else you're just trying to fucking be social. Yeah. I think, well how many spots do you do a night? I mean I'm in LA now so it's like now I'm like 30 a month and that's good there. LA is just fucking ridiculous. Yeah. I mean every good. It's like seven a week basically. We can't wait. I'm not on the tour in the

May when I'm just taking May off. I'm doing like two shows and that's it just so I can build up so that I can come back and be like, hey, I need to do this. And you know, then I can ask for why I call the spots again, you know, but you get bumped out there a lot. I mean that's the thing. I remember when I was out there, just, you know, it's like, oh, Adam Sandler, Seth Green, Dane Kuh, blah, blah, blah. This, and obviously, yeah,

you're gonna put you up at the end and there's four people. And then, and then, and then, and it's some type of showcase in the industries there. And then, it's like, they're miserable. It's like, what the fuck? You didn't even out there. It's like, here, you know, like, I work,

I work like every club, but the seller in New York, right? In an LA, it's like, even the people like, you know, trying to get into the store, like the new people who got past there, like Al Madrigal and Anthony Jazzleneck. These guys are already in such a different category than anyone, for instance, like, who's like, hey, I just got my first late night set and I'm trying to get into the clubs, you know, like, it's the different, you know.

The stores changing though. They have a new guy there that actually who gets fucking stand up. The other guy was on the, another planet. Yeah, I mean, another, and I, you know, seriously, it's that club and other clubs in LA. It's, well, to you know, and who you fucking blow for a long time. Yeah, I think this guy is actually The the one who actually takes other comics recommendations and no stand-up comedy and who should be the fucking

Yeah, who should be able to get on stage right? You know, I went I went there and I was at the Mazge brony Yeah, yeah He brought me in when I was out in LA for like three months, a few years ago, and he's like, Bobby should be working this club and told the guy, you should put him up. That was a cool solid, right? Because if I work the seller, if I'm a fucking regular here,

I should be a regular there. I want to go, that's it. You know, that's just fucking, if you, you know what I mean? That's that, because there's no horse shit on at the seller. There's no room. Everybody who performs here is fucking good.

Let's just say that's why I love the seller. It's almost like a badge of honor. There's no celebrity status, just because you're famous. No, no, no. I've seen a reject famous people. No, we don't have time. It is, right? But you know, I think that that new guy out there kind of gets it, which is great.

Yeah, yeah. And they're actually got a, the, the, if you look at that lineup now, it's fucking, that, I see it, because I follow them. No, it's, uh, it's incredible. The line up is fucking crazy. But it's hard, it's hard to argue when you're like, when you're like, well, I mean, you know, these guys are in a different place. And what was there? There's no bitterness. It's just like, when you're like, well, I mean, you know, these guys are different places. And what was there?

There's no bitterness. It's just like, all right. Well, let's get to work. You know, that's it. Some line up, she can't argue with you. Look at the line of you. I get it. Yeah.

Yeah. I didn't get a spot. So you look at the line of you. I get it now. I get why didn't get a spot. Years ago, I would walk by the cell and see the line up. And I'd be like, all right. Yeah, I shouldn't be here.

Yeah. And then like, and then all of a sudden, all right, yeah, I shouldn't be here. Yeah. And then all of a sudden you see a couple of people get in at different places and you're like, all right, yeah, I could be here. Yeah, the bestie is gone. The bestie is gone for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gone for me.

But then they're gone too, probably in a week. They're gone, maybe, you know, who knows. Yeah, you can get in and get out real quick. Yeah. Do you have your own coffee cup? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I in and get out real quick. Yeah, you have your own coffee cup? I, I, I want to give it a day job. I'm asking you that. Is it really like your fucking cubicle?

I love this coffee cup. This is the Starbucks Thermal and it keeps your coffee completely hot. Yeah, you know what else keeps your coffee completely hot? A regular coffee cup. No, yeah. No, no. What are you doing? You know what else keeps your coffee completely hot? A regular coffee cup. No, no. What are you doing?

You're gonna have a fucking seven hour period? Actually, yeah, I like to... Oh, you get in with that. That's like an e-sigger. Oh, I love this thing. I lost one of them. And I tracked it down. The guy found it for me, brought it, he left it at the seller for me.

You tracked a coffee cup down? I had to buy this is like 22 23 dollars. How did you track it down? Well, I did the show the lucky jacks show Yeah, and I left it there and I was so miserable about it and I contacted the guy on Facebook I said did you see if the coffee mug is there please get it for me? He did If the coffee mug is there, please get it for me. He did. Yeah, he did. You know that you talk shit behind your back, though. No, he said he does the same thing and he was like, and he came here, he left it for me.

It was very nice. This is Lance. It's a brand new Lance. Lance, Lance. I love Lance. So yeah, this is, you gotta get one of these. No, you don't. Coffee gets cold very fast.

No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. I drink strong black coffee. Why, because it's black? The only in my coffee. I'll wait in my coffee. So you want. That's how I kind of give back to the community.

So you guys, you like half and half? No, they're all the way white. Do you even with more white guys and black guys? No, no. But have I? No, I've even with more white guys and black guys? No, no. But have I have enough? No, I've been with more black guys. I mean, just I've been around for a long time. But I'm like the vampire. I've lived. I'm there. You used to fuck children. You're with the black guys now you're the white guys. How long have you been around? Three centuries, no.

My picture is named Lestat. I can say like in decade, decade, one. One, one second, decade. You're fucking terrible. You're gonna be the vampire right? You fucking lesbian joke. Lestat, I love that you fucking did the action too, all the vampire. I'm sure I don't like to do this like a Vietnam vet bandana

Shit there if I'm fucking hurting deal with that's perfect for you. You're not getting the spots. I want but I'm hoping one day You look good with that. Thank you Dan saw me like sad like what I was I said I was You said right no you were Wondering whether or not you should have sex with someone Yeah, I was fighting with my boyfriend and then I was like two wine glasses in and yeah, yeah, yeah I was having the conversation with you. Yeah, no, I appreciate I'm right around the corner I'm not the one burdening someone else. It was the opposite. I like that. Well you didn't burden me But it was nice to have someone have you ever had sex with Dan?

No, have you ever thought about it? No You've changed the cadence of the note No, wait two seconds at least No, no Actually the second though was more It was shocking it sounded like more like, oh my God. Oh my God, man.

You're God. Do you have a penis? No. Yeah, it was that. It was that. It was exactly like that. I love you, though. I appreciate you.

I appreciate you. I love I appreciate you too. I'm so grateful to have you. We're going to keep, we're not going to take a break. We're just going to keep rolling in here today. I'm going to do the ad right now. So if you just give me a second, we're going to pay some bills. Let me check this out.

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at draftkings.com. Draftkings.com, that's draftkings.com. Boobabang, boobabum, boobabum. DraftKings.com, that's DraftKings.com. Bububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububububub I'm going to be this weekend, I'm going to be at the comedy works in Albany, Friday and Saturday night. A couple shows here, a couple shows there. So if you live in Albany or up in upstate New York or over in Massachusetts, wherever the Connecticut, come over and check me out at a great club, comedy works, Friday and Saturday night. And if you listen to this podcast, here's another thing too. If you listen to the show, we get thousands of people. I need you to do me a favor.

I really need you to go to my website and pre-order my special. It's five bucks. Just swipe down your fucking credit card. Stop being such a... I know the numbers, how many people listen to the show, and then I know the numbers, and how many people pre-order my special.

Get the fuck on. I dropped 50 bucks in your special. Shut up, did you see that? Did you really? Yeah, I did. With my real name. Well, it does, it takes you so long. It sounds like a cry for hell. Yeah.

Notice me, I'm here! I'm here! I didn't notice that. Well, Alex, your real name, what's your real name? My real name is Umrdip, but that's never gonna fly up. I'm gonna throw up. What's your real name My real name is Umberdeep, but that's never gonna fly up Umberdeep Again say three times

But I'm a deep I'm a deep Name is I'm a deep had to get deep who that's my family nickname Yeah, it's a cute nice. It's a nice nickname. Umberdee. Um nice. Nick. Umber. Dan. I'm what is it? I'm a deep a ma r D E E. What does that mean means the knowledge of the Sun? Pretty cool, right? That's hot stop. Oh my fucking mind Really boxed your special read. Yeah, you really did with your fucking look at me. I did it for you. Yeah. Well, I did it because Allison Rosen got booted up

Adam Crowell, because she never bought his book, never showed any interest in her boss's material. So I figured I'd do that here, so you don't kick me out here. I would never kick you out there. Did you just call Bob your boss? I would never. He's my boss. I would never kick you out of here.

First of all, I would never kick you off the team. You're part of the team. For not buying my special, I don't kick you out of here first of all I would never kick you off the team You're part of the team for not buying my special. I don't pay you enough to buy my five dollars special He's trying to guarantee job security You don't have to stand a kid in there. You owe deep who money now Hang on You fucking tight jeans a bug We really with that I did until a week ago So if you want to try some roti we can go out some nice some non. Yeah on my cheat day

We get some garlic none. Oh, sounds pretty good. Are you guys gonna funnage? Are you hitting on my fucking people? If you fuck Deepu and not me, I'm gonna be really upset. Really? Yeah, I'll be upset too. Deepu and I probably have more of a connection. Why? First girl, like, share something. Yeah, I think you just took it away with that comment. Oh, great. No, Deepu's nervous because he's using his finger as a pointer. First, you're like, kiss was a black one. That's just like, I had a black one first. And that sounds like he's using techniques as dad told them.

Use your finger. What was her name, D. Poo? It shows confidence. I shouldn't say her name on the air. OK, make up one. Yeah, just say a name. Like something that sounds. Jasmine.

OK. Yeah. That's the rice she smelled like. That's the rice she smelled like. That's the rice she smelled like. That's the rice she smelled like. Anyways, go buy my fucking special. Anyways, go buy my fucking special.

Anyways, go buy my fucking special. Anyways, go buy my fucking special. So I bring up this love connection. So I bring up this love connection. So I bring up this love connection. Fucking deep who bought food. My bra was telling a secret about you right now. My bra was telling a secret about you right now.

Oh god, hang on. Oh god, hang on. I'm getting fucking hard again. I'm getting fucking hard again. Show me the world. You know, she's on something right now. You know, she's on something right now.. You know she's on something right now tomorrow Which is I know whatever she's I'm on something to blow you off what people was gonna have is heartbroken She's on depu right now. If you guys fuck you need to tell me I need to know Marina That's a great for me. She's between black and white. It's Indian. Yeah Thank you Bobby should I get the band-aid if it's laughing too loud

or the race is going? Okay. Anyways, my special. I just want to try to get to his point. Please go buy it. Just go fucking buy it. The fuck do I get to bag you, my fans? RobertKillerLove.com.

Go check it out. And we're redoing the t-shirts. Apparently people don't like baseball t-shirts anymore. I we did this whole thing with the baseball t-shirt and people I Wasn't selling that well and some dude rowing. Do nobody wears 78 get a mess shirt to while you're at it. I like all your fans sound like you now. They fucking really though Anyways, they go gonna switch that up. So what else do we got? What do you got coming up, Michael?

I got House of Comedy and Phoenix April 15th through 19th. Hot spot. And the Omaha Funny Bone, May 13th through 17th. Nice, Omaha's great. And my website, MikeVakion.com. Boom, what do you got there, gorgeous? Thank you for gorgeous. I'm in Boston, Laf Boston next weekend.

Have you done that, Chris? No, I guess by there, here's a ghost, really fun. I'm there soon. I mean, is it a good place? I mean, the guest body, it was great. You know, I always get nervous. I think it's good. They've been doing really good in promotion.

You know, I mean, they've been tweeting out like a lot. All right. And then I'm doing Dr. Grins the weekend after that. And then I'm in Missouri at the last weekend. Sam from the Sons. What do you got? Marina besides big titties, if you've got any boyfriends.

Well I have another bra. I have another one. It's beige. This one's black. Just so you know. What do you have? Do you have comedy shows? I don't have any, you know what?

I don't have any road shows coming up. I just haven't. Do you call them road shows? What are you fucking telling your lixes? I just haven't. Are you doing a whole hoop? It hasn't been my focus lately. What comedy?

No, they're just getting on the rope, but I will be oftentimes here at the comedy selling. You can see me. I am the host with the most. And. Oh, shit. Will you please hit this up? Somebody seller you can see me I am the host with the most Shit, will you please feed this up? Oh, I also you you may be able to catch me on the Jim Gafferkin show coming up I did that I don't know when that's on TV. It's on TV land. What is it? It's Jim this Jim Gafferkin show is originally supposed to be on CBS, but they reached you know, they didn't pick it up It's so TV land did and Summer comes out. What's reached, you know, they didn't pick it up. So TV land did.

And the summer comes out. What's all this? TV land is a part of Comedy Central, I believe. Oh, really? Okay. TV has a part of TV. I make it nice, but then it became like a ton of things. What did you do on it?

Can I ask? I played like a Catholic school assistant, like head mistress assistant. I'm very conservative and I have very big hair in it. Right, didn't you do something like that in Norton Show too? Yeah, well, don't scream. Oh, sorry. I don't know why that came out like that.

Oh, you got tone issues today. That was weird. The fucking tone issues of poor Dan. I was a school teacher. You could be fucking no. No. You were a school teacher there too. I was a schoolteacher. You fucking know. You were a schoolteacher there too. I was a schoolteacher for Jim Nointen. Yeah.

And then, yeah. Can I mention my podcast or is that inappropriate? Why would it be? I didn't want to be like shifting your fans over to... No, I want my fans to go listen to your podcast. Well, we have a... Well, we have a somewhat like, it's somewhat theme based. It's like women of color discussing how topics we have estercases. You can say that word

anymore. Women of color. Oh, color. You can't say maybe color. Okay. We have colored girls discussing. Women of color. It's just. You know, you know, you people who listen to that colored girls. On both sides. Colored girls hot colored girls some guy was like Colonel Sanders We did have already laying on the show actually They didn't even need dick for the full time We did have already laying on the show actually that was the opposite of a woman But we have on the show with a black girl That's a great impression how that got these guys is so well

There's a big ashes and tits everywhere She I told them to come over my house in Holbo She's like my dick in Hobo. But we did that too. She's like my digging all the way. Yeah. That's amazing. But it's called the show is called Friends Like Us and yeah. So great. Yeah. Check it out. Check it out. Great show and I'm very proud. Yes. Robert is instrumental in it being what it is. So thank you, Robert. You're welcome. What do you got, Deepu? I started a new business last week called Better Call Deepu, where I set people up with video podcasting solutions, and you can email me at Better Call Deepu if you're interested. If you have a podcast and you want to take it to the next level, make sure you do that,

because Deepu... All the stuff we've done here is from his little Indian brain and his little thin Indian fingers Perry but thin Yeah, so yeah, I worked with a guy last week he paid me and I some gave me some gifts for you and Joe and Dave I put them in this Shwag pile and the other room. I know you give them I want to see them. You want them right now? No, I want them next Thursday Fucking sarcastic Dutch person. Anyways, what do you got, Scope?

April 17th, 18th. I will be Lewis at Joker's Wild. And then that later. It was headlighted. Lewis. I ain't. It was a joke. But you see how he said that quietly?

Lewis, we didn't offend both his bosses. Yes. Lewis. You said Lewis into a microphone. Can you do Lewis? Is it impressive? Can you do an impression of him? I am a first egg.

I don't know. Sorry, Bobby. Sorry, Jay. I'm sorry, Mike. I'm sorry, Dan. I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry, mom. Dad.

Lewis Gomez. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm'm sorry Dan. I'm sorry honey. I'm sorry mom dad Let's go miss man. I got a lot of pictures kid. I love this kid. Is that one today the video he posted today? No, it's just like five a day Oh, it's so cute though. I feel creepy. I've seen so many. Yeah, maybe I Yeah, I really did some time he cool. he does new thing is he skypes his friends and he'll call and have the kid there. So you gotta like talk to the kid and him. He just wants to blow time.

All the time, he always, that's all he does. Yeah, I was at my face time keeps going off. I hear it in the other room and it's just offered, for days, I look, it's Lewis. He started to face time me. Like, with his kid? Just to shitload it,. I look it's Lewis. Yeah, he started to face time me like this kid just to shitload it Yeah, and it's like I guess he's got a babysitter in the day and he gets lonely And the voice isn't enough to see your face And on his Mac cuz he has a Mac for kids gonna talk to all these fucking comedians

Well, he's got a fucking burner phone. You know for a cell phone Fucking stupid asshole phone. He's got he keep He's asking me to stupid questions keep me on the phone. I'm like I got to go. What the fuck got out of here? Right. Yeah, I don't want to talk to you in life Face time. Well Lewis was starting to headline. That's great. That is great. That's why I was like Lewis who that's wonderful. I love Lewis Yeah, he is such a funny set last night at Gotham Comedy Club, too. I love this bit. He did. What was it?

It blew me away. About... Did they give you nitrous at this place? Fucking... Bang an Indian. He fucking loved Lewis. I do. I always fucking loved Lewis. Oh, you're making me sick.

He was the happiness. What bit was it? It was the one about. Yeah, it was a great bit. You don't even know the fucking day. He was fucking jerk in a box. It took me a while to set it up, but he's talking about how they said he was like, he's Puerto Rican. He said, he was like, why?

And he says, it's not, he's evolving. He just doesn't want to get stabbed. That's his dad, yeah, that's his dad. It starts off very sad, like, about his dad being murdered. And then, yeah, he says, I'm just evolving to not being stabbed I guess as a Puerto Rican. I was gonna say maybe could take out the sad part But it was really no I had to open it because this is my saddest joke All right, let's I want to who is this guy key for me. What does he do? What does he do? Didn't want his name heard in the air, but-

Oh, he doesn't. Yeah. All right, then fuck him. I'm not gonna do that. I'm sorry, I didn't know that. You should tell me that first. But Tell him I said thank you. You sure, yes.

You sure, the gifts, though, not? Why can't, he doesn't want his name out there and I think his name is on here, right? Yeah. So, we'll tell him I said thank you. We'll look at this after. Yeah, sure. I guarantee those shirts don't fit me by the way

No, there's like extra extra extra large so let's settle down We basically that one is just a circus can I really it's sad to say man. It's like I before you've lost weight This is the last time I saw you have I yeah, you actually are you just fucking be an LA? No, I'm not just So you have I yeah you just fucking be an LA. No, I'm not just I love you guys know but I'm gonna be on suits next week When you get impressed about shit that shouldn't be impressive I'm gonna be a white color like you lost wait. Can you look at this script? I mean can we have a meeting at a Starbucks are you still working out?

Yeah, Not only the... Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. She just said I had a nice build. Um, yeah. For a... Chatterroom fill in the blank. You still box? Mike?

No, I'm gonna go tomorrow. Really? That's not still. When I'm in town, I go. I work out. What do you work out? What do you do? Just regular work. I work out. I work out. I I go, I walk out. What do you work out? What do you do? Just right away. These guys know we go downtown and box with Steve.

I used to. I started working out. I went to the gym yesterday by myself, and I'm going to work out tonight, and then I'm going to get the train to tomorrow. So I'm going to work out three to four times a week. And I'm back on the no sugar no grains. I felt the fucking vacation fucked me. It fucked me.

I went off the charts off the rail. It's the post, yeah. You don't want to got me on that. I actually didn't have really worked. It works so, it works really well. Yeah. The stress factor with him, he's like, what are you doing?

What are you doing? Cause I ordered like a chicken sandwich with fries. He's like, you shouldn't even have bothered working out today. You shouldn't even have bothered working out. And then he goes through the whole thing and I just cut it. It's weird when he's like, when I'm better.

And he's telling me all of it. But this one while you do me, he's man. Yeah. I can't hear no. He was telling me all the snags though too. He's like, uh, you're gonna need like almonds. I can't do you. I'm not.

You just give what you were doing. What are you doing? All right, it has to be organic. I like how you go your own voice higher. Your own voice. It has to be the organic parts of the story. You gotta get... No, he's like, you gotta keep...

You gotta keep almonds next to your bed, dude. You gotta keep, cause you just start to panic. So you gotta keep almonds next to your bed. I don't know how to say that. And you're gonna have withdrawal for a while. You're just going to, but just deal with it. Just deal with it and you'll see it just come off, bro. You'll see it just come off. And then, it's always weird when a guy's

and we're at a shape that says that to you. She's like, I don't know, but it's really, he was really lean back. Oh, okay. That was when I was in shit. It was my fifth, my fourth, my fifth skinny. My fourth, so your head shot at a club, when I was on the road.

I know, that's what's, beautiful, beautiful man. My eyes was fucking me now. My swag's getting fucked up because all the different size headshots that are out there because this fucking show we just did at the Mahafi theater this is 20th the 65th anniversary of this place yeah they had custom jackets made for all the talent okay so anybody who works there gets a custom jacket and it's this really cool old-timey baseball jacket. And I said it's going to be the wrong size because I'm the

swag killer. And you know, Arty, of course, they have his size fits great. Oh, it's great. Look at this. He's the way I have one of these when I was a kid. Did they take the head shot from me with skinny? And they thought that was it. They found a skinny head shot of me, which is they used in the ad which fucking aggravates me because now all these chicks think this hot bald guy show up I think Joe Koy is going to be there and then fucking two ton tessies on stage every chick is like oh I got a fuck joke what? so that's true that so then and then I got my jacket, fucking large.

And the guy still made me put it on. The owner of the place, the guy who put it on, just put it on anyways, take a photo. So I had to take a photo with this fucking leotard on. Fucking awful, so mad, such a nice, Jack that happened to me at my first nasty show. They saw a skinny photo of me, and they got me my shirt,

and when I, it was a large, and now I'm a fucking double X, and I couldn't thin it to it. It's sad too, because I looked at jeans like around six months ago, when I actually, seven months ago, I dropped 45 pounds last winter, and I was on that note,

sugar no grains, and I was on that no sugar no grains and everything was going great and then all of a sudden fuck me I put it back on because the because one word made me put one sentence, Larry shows up at the fuck me shows up at the shooting date and he goes, I want you eating fucking donuts. Every time I see you, I want you to donut in your hand because it was for a fat drummer. And I took that and sure enough,

I went to craft service without guilt every day. Cow tails. I would love to have donuts every day. I fucking ate. Oh, it's fucking worse man. The craft service guy knew when he walked in with the snacks they'd come in there. Literally if he come right to me first. And if he didn't, I'd be like, yo, hey, you tip him to me, you're gonna tip him to get me in. I fucking I got I put on all the way back. And it a fuck and and Larry told me he goes

Well, you know you I didn't mean literally He was joking, but it was um You know the pilot you'll see the I was skinny in the pile. I was fat But skinny then the difference between the pilot and the shoot date is fucking nuts I thought you were gonna say the road I thought you were gonna say the rope put it back on you know But then the road did because I had that fucking, I could just do what I wanted because I'm the fat guy.

Yeah. Stupid, I'm done, I'm fucked up. Well, that Tim Ferris diet is the one I'm on. What's that? That's the four hour body where you do no sugar, no carbs. Just, you know, it's just that for six days and on the seventh day is your cheat day. And you blow an Indian?

Free hell here. And you... And you... And who's the one I just saw? Maybe. See around the corner. All right, creep, you three, some ever. Dad, get out of the way.

It was really nice. Okay, what are you doing on the fifth day? On the seventh day. Seventh day, you've what are you doing the 50 on the seventh day? Seventh day. You pray to Jesus. You have all the food you want. You can have whatever you want. And it's something I did because I for a long time wouldn't eat anything for like years just because I'm like it's I'm gonna put on weight. So on that seventh day I had things I never had before like like donuts or chocolate croissants, or but on that day, that's when I eat it all,

but I get really sick. Like I make sounds at night, I can't sleep, it's horrible. I'm like a beached whale at the top. I had Shake Shack for the first time in months, and I got sick the next day. It was stomachache the whole day. Because you're not used to eating that. I'm not used to eating that.

I'm a lot of cholesterol. A lot of cholesterol, a lot of fat, lot of cholesterol a lot of fat a lot of sugar There's a lot of sugar in that shit the french fries and you wonder why like your moods Yeah, you don't you don't eat junk food and you eat like want like McDonald's late at night You'd be sick the next day eating late at night's not good eating and then going to sleep that's terrible And also like it's supposed to work this thing the day you do the cheat it bumps It's like it's like revs you up and you drop weight really fast because you don't do it for the rest of the day.

You're not supposed to drop weight really fast by the way. You're supposed to take it off slowly and because that fucks it's not healthy. It's not healthy. I don't know. All I know this is that I'm back on no sugar no grains and I'm fucking, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm going to go to Chad.

I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm saying that cheat day is so good for you. I don't, I can't do a cheat day because I'm an addict Cheat day will fuck me a cheat month right? Cheap month, we both did the shit also like mine also like mindful eating too It's like I'm from a family that you eat so fast. You just create a food into your mouth Yeah, my food, you know, it's like you got to take a bite you got to put it down

You got to look out the window you have a sip of water you take a break you pick it up What do you should take time to eat you shouldn't just be shoveling it into your mouth? What do you see when you look out the window? I know what's the looking out the window? Yeah, but it's it's why I'm gonna look at a window taste the food And it is just 1800s I was like what's that? I can't believe you're family doing like the soup pantomime in front of a real like a good family 20 years later We're doing like the soup pantomine in front of a real like a good family

You looking at cows there a whistler in the background while you're having your meal Fucking massive computer in my hand you'll fucking look at porn and Facebook's I could play chess with Jim Norton I gotta look at a window Look out the window diet. It's mindful eating Bobby diet. Look out the window diet. It's mindful eating, Bobby. How about Mindsled Mamba. I would never think you're as funny as you are because you have the personality of an orphan. You know what I mean? That hurt. Call it out. I said you were funny. You know, this was important part. Just you know offstage. It's you know sobering. Let's go to the chat room.

Let's go to Deepo chat real quick. What do we got? Steven Gonzalez says, Bobby's pocket flaps look like bacon. I don't know why, right? I can not stand that. Go ahead. Derek Gatto says,

I hate it when you sit through openers and then the headliner does less time than the openers. Well, who does that? I've never heard that. Nick Cannon. I don't know. Like, that makes sense, though. They asked me, someone asked me back in the day to punch up his hour, and I refused.

Yeah, that's a rough one. I was like, oh, the first 10 minutes, I was like, okay, okay, I was suddenly, once he did Denzel for like eight minutes, but... Is he good Denzel? He did Denzel for like eight minutes. No, he doesn't It can't do in that cell. Oh, you know Dean Edwards does a great. Oh, it doesn't great. Jay Farad is a great Denzel. Yeah, what else we got I would do Dean just to hear him do you'll fucking do anybody apparently not true Robert

I like that Are you trying are you auditioning for Game of Thrones or something? What are you working on? Not true, Robert. That ought to roam. What do you got? Derek Gata also says, I noticed a lot of comics just go straight to their homes after a gig.

Why not explore the city or is? Because we've explored every ounce of it. Through the people in the... No, but that's a good point. Comics should do more of that, I think. But it's like... I'll explore the city you're in on the road. Yeah, on the road. A little?

First of all, I do that. I fucking go to restaurants. I yelp. Great. I always take the restaurants your first coat. Yeah. I know. I just outlined it.

Just outline your diet. Where can I get a good pasta for you? That was good because he was Irish Not her thoughts a nasal spray Sounds a little Russian What's the nasal spray? A bosteble jewellie. You. It sounds like you're gonna rush it at the end of the episode. The Jew Rachel Show. No. No.

I can't even get an audition on my best friend. That's fine. Where'd you want the show? Never. Are you kidding me? No. You weren't on Rachel's show? No.

Why? Is this just a pilot arrogant pick up to a series of things? You're gonna have to. It's a pilot, yeah. It's a pilot and I see she has no control over what's going on. Yeah, she actually said that to me. She was like kind of whispered to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a tough thing. But with pilot, you can't have everybody. You know, she's got to get out of my head. I thought it was a, yeah, pilot, you can't have. There's someone trying to keep me out. I don't know who it is, but what if I stop thinking that? But she told me, she's like, she's like, you know what? As soon as I can and as soon as it works, as soon as we could find a place for a black person

like yourself. We'll figure it out. Yeah. Jesus. That's just sad. Plus the bulls'rulli. But I, when I go, let me just back up here. When I go to a new town I will yelp the cool places to go as far as restaurants. And I'll always take the middle or the opener, whatever, out with me. Because I know they don't go, I asked them where to go. And like, when I went to DC, the, what's his name? The key. Stavros. Stavros. He, me and him, when we go to, uh, McGubbies, we always go to Honeypick.

Yeah. 24 hour Korean barbecue. It's good He's a younger version of you. Yeah, he has bonded over that Have you ever done that where you took it out of middle or a or a host and then all of a sudden like halfway through a conversation You're like this is a fucking brutal idea like There's just like well, you know what happens? There's a tough hand. I'll tell you what happens with a lot of hosts Middlers is that they you treat them nice or you take them out and then all of a sudden they think that you're best friends and they can say or do whatever the

fuck they want and then they say some shit that you're like are you out of your fucking mind? You know what I mean? Well they'll go over on their time a little bit or you know and then they'll say some fucked up shit to bust your balls and you're like they're shut you fucking pie. You know just because we were joking around a little bit, doesn't mean we've been best friends for the last eight fucking years.

And they get a tellm to beat it. And they're like, really? Yeah, get the fuck out of here. Because you know what? I learned a lot of headlines. Don't let the fucking, those guys, even in the dream room, it's like, fuck you. Nobody comes in here.

Yeah, there's like a middle ground. And there's a reason for that, because the ones who messed it up by talking Much well some of them don't know you know, they think they're the shit because they got comic of fucking whatever town They're in comic is comic and Terry town. Yeah, some fucking plot voted them Best whatever the fuck it is and they think they're the shit because every time they go up they fucking crush for 20 minutes Right, but can't you tell by their act like you tell guys who are like doing Real not necessarily killing the hardest but are trying to they're trying to do real comedy versus the guys

We're just going up there and just like trying to murder for you Those features from the town and they were like you guys know Ryan They have like bits of that people everyone knows by first name. Yeah, stop roast is actually funny It's funny. Yeah. He's really good. He's funny. No, that was a statement. Yeah, that was a same in our area. No, you can have it.

But anyways, maybe it's middle. I love going on the road. I find cigar bars now, and that's my new thing. I'll find a local cigar bar, which is usually really cool, really interesting people who own them and go there. And I'll find some type of cool restaurant on Yelp that, and I'll go have food that I've never had. It's a little harder when you're on no sugar, no grains.

It's more expensive, because you're gonna have to get the steak or you're gonna have to get the oysters. You're gonna have to go a little higher end. You can't just go get the burger and fries at the fucking best burger during the world. You know, you're gonna have to go spend the little cash. But it's usually- I was trying to eat healthy last few weeks,

instead of getting a pizza, I had to get jerky or something like that, and you can get dollar pizza here. It's so two slices, two dollars. Jerky's nine dollars at 7-Eleven. Well, yeah, you're gonna start. You're gonna start. Yeah.

What else you got in there? You're gonna be jerky. Black gospo says. Black gospo says. Yeah, go ahead black I was supposed to I took I took God free to a bunch of parties when he came to Austin two nights in a row Dude didn't thank me at all doosh What do you want to fucking notes? I don't know what you want to do gift. Yeah, it's yeah

It's not these supposed to thank me they were She's about to thank was that you got to hang out with God free for Well, maybe it wasn't genuine then his offer if he was looking for the thank you Yeah, like everyone thinks you by saying it Sometimes it's just by being there. Yeah, you are graced by God for his presence I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm talking. I know I'm going too far. I loved around that fucking yapping ass And I probably stayed a lot longer than I wanted to That fucking yapping ass. You know, I've probably stayed a lot longer than I wanted to.

So, I just have a point. What else you got? You got any? Again. James Pasquie asks, is it okay to get in the stand-up just for the pussy? Yeah, as long as you accept the fact that it will end someday and you'll be old and there will be no pussy and you'll just be a hack. Yeah, the pussy has to be the stage, my brother. Yeah, when you're up there fucking doing jokes about banging and you have be old and there'll be no pussy and you'll just be a hack. Yeah, the pussy has to be the stage, my brother.

Yeah, when you're up there fucking doing jokes about banging and you have no hair and you're fucking, it's over. Fucking a big fat nose and yeah, nobody's gonna buy it. You know what I mean? What else you got? I believe that's it for now. Lewis J. Gomez, what's that last one?

Oh, Lewis J. Gomez asks, where do they find score headphones to fit over Vecchiones head? Ah, that was easy. Was that Lou? Yeah, that was him. Well, the fuck when you read his first, it's gonna be really, you know,

he's just fucking on the show. Yeah, I don't support that comment. Yeah, I don't support that comic. That's it. That's it. I won his headline, they pulled it, Joker's wild. No, you don't. If you don't like him let him keep switch the order Stopo no

25 I'm do a lot of hey you guys all right. Hey great to be here That's the only way that gig has is down the street from Frank Pepe's oh, yeah It's okay the Italian section with one street. Oh God. It really is. I think Frank is that good by the way Fuck it's okay. The Italian section with one street. Oh my God. It really is. I don't think Frank Pepe is that good by the way. Fuck. It's not that good. We're not getting into the pizza talk. Oh, we got emotion. Bobby got emotion.

We're not getting into pizza talk. It's not that good. We're not getting into pizza talk. Why? It's emotional for you? No, it's not emotional. He's just out of his fucking mind. You think, I'm not saying it.

You can say it's not the best to you, but to say Frank Pepe's pizza from the original Frank Pepe's is not a good slice of pizza. I didn't say it. I said it's not the best to you, but to say Frank Pepe's pizza from the original Frank fucking Pepe's is not a good slice of pizza. I didn't say I said not that good. To say it's not that good. There are a lot better places in the city than... Oh, it's like talking about Aaron Hernandez.

You're an asshole. You're an asshole. You're insensitive. You really are just an asshole. Why an asshole? Because I disagree with your favorite place. Dude, stop antagonizing me. I know what you're doing. What's your favorite place? What's yours? I like Ben's. You're a favorite place. It did stop antagonize me. I know

Place what's yours I like Ben's Right there on that Or no by me it's basically roses is really good. I hope it burns down What are you getting the regular chat? Don't you look at me like that for you again? I mean this is the Bobby chat Bobby chat Bobby chat go just read Okay fun Just read it the host at baked potato and LA ripped into Mark Maron all night because he big time The show at last minute and pulled no show. What the fuck? Why you that's a great interesting fucking thing See, why would you not bring that up? It's a little antagonistic. I don't know if you want to burn bridges, you know

What bridge am I gonna I love Mark Maron? Yeah, let's start the Marin baked potato war The fame comedy rivalry. What is the big potato by the way? It's probably some independent show. So he went up for this big time. What does that mean? Just was too big to probably not announce his he's not going to be there and then didn't show up. Oh he didn't just saying he did show up. He's booked for the show and didn't show up. Yeah. Look man Mark has we like all of us has fucking issues. And you don't know what the fuck that was Mark would not He's a professional stand-up comedian. He would not not show up to big-time people I think something probably came up anxiety show

He's always worried about his cap. He's shooting a show right now, which I didn't episode on Yeah friend of Mark me I did a roper. Anyways, so yeah, what else you got in there? Tommy Stevens says, Feszy wants to bang you by the way. What does that mean? I think I meant Fes from Ron and Fes.

Oh, I'm that fat now. I became a fetish. I became a type of gay guy. I love Fes. I love Feszy. You're so great. I don't know, but I'm that fat now became a fetish became a type of gay guy. I love Fes. I love Fes. I don't know, but I'm not fucking them. I think you should. Why for the show? For the show. Yeah, for him. Yeah, very special episode. Very special episode of Ron and Fes. Bobby plow fucks, FES. And, ah, ah. What, why? Sorry.

But what if I fucked him? Ramed by the mustache. What if I fucked him? Jesus, Craig, why are you fucking? I'm really getting into it. I know. I'm like a young FES. FES begins.

Before gay FES. What else we got in there? MVP of the chatroom fuckyoTV says, when when mad meat said that really is the Robert Kelly story When mad meat said yeah, yeah, I know I might I did I talk about this last week my therapy session last week Yeah, last week I I got a real emotional in my therapy session for the first time in a long time because he He asked me goes what was the last what the last, tell me the happy childhood memory. And I was like, I was like, okay. And then I was like, oh shit, oh my God.

You have nothing? I was, I have the one I came up with, which is sad, is the one where I, when my mother, we moved out of my grandma's house with 13 of us. Me and my sister, and she married the second stepdad, who we didn't know was Satan. And when I remember when they carried me into my room, my room, because me and my mother and my sister slept on a mattress on a floor in my uncle's room When they kept which I didn't mind. I just didn't know any better You know that was just a life but I walked into my room and I had a

Bed in a toy box, but I remember looking up and there was a light. There was a chandelier like a kind of mid-century funky Chandelier and they were like, that's yours. I go, what's that? And they go, that's your light. I go, that's mine. And they were like, yeah, that's yours. I go, that's my light. That's mine.

They're like, Bobby, that's your light. It's for you. And they showed me how to turn it on and off. And I remember I would just sit there and turn it on and off because I was like, I never had anything. I didn't even have a bed. That is the same scene as the blindside.

I put the same thing with the bed yeah. Yeah I remember because I never had a bed before. No you never had a room. Oh you know what a room? She was never bed. Crazy. It was crazy. That's that moment in my life.

So now it's weird because if you look in Max's room, there's this really cool light we have in his room. And I never knew it, but every time I would walk in, I'd be like, I'd bring him in, I'd be like, there's your light, Max, that's yours. And I would always say that to him, because this is yours. And I say that about everything. This is your bed, this is your, you know,

that's your rock off of these are your trees. And, you know, because I never had a house growing up. I didn't, we had apartments and we were shit. And then it made me bring up the time when, shortly after that, when I was, I never knew violence, I never knew anger, I never knew fear. I didn't know it. I just didn't have it in my life.

Didn't exist. Regular stuff, falling, getting hurt, but I didn't have another human being, scaring me, of threatening me, of abusing me physically. And then I remember when I was sitting on my bean bag and I woke up from a sleep nap and it went from night to day and the sun was just setting. And I went to the other room and I opened the door and I saw my mother get punched in the stomach by this man. And then I saw my sister go to grab the phone and I opened the door and I saw my mother get punched in the stomach by this man And then I saw my sister go to grab the phone and he wrapped it around her neck and threw the phone at her head And then they all I started screaming and then they grabbed me and ran into my sister's room and I shut the door

And I held it as because I didn't want them coming in and they were all crying my mother and my sister holding each other and He was screaming. They kicked the door through, his foot through, I went flying, hit the wall and I pretended to be hurt because I thought I would play possum. I just didn't know. And then he screamed at them and then he screamed at me, you're not fucking hurt, you little fucking bastard. Get the fuck up. And I pretend I was just crying.

And then he walked, he slammed the door and walked out That was the first time that was from that moment on from that second on my life Has never been the same my life has been I've been afraid of people I've been afraid I've been in fear of everything going being taken away afraid I've been in fear of everything going being taken away. People disappoint me. And through that I learned that anger is the only way to defeat anger. That's what I learned from that. So when I started to get angry, it could combat that his anger. And that's when, yeah, it was just fucking sad shit. And so this guy, there you go.

So now that you know that though, like after in that therapy session, did you find, now that you're aware of it, you can turn it around with my finger? I'll tell you what it did when you're aware of where your anger comes from, which is anger is fear. That's all it is.

Anger you're afraid. That's all it is. Anger you are afraid. That's all it is. Anger is fear. That's it. So yes, now like me and my wife got into a fight this weekend. And sometimes they get heated. You know what I mean?

I get fucking, because she'll do things that are very passive aggressive, very fucked up. And there's no need for it. And it's manipulating and kind of weird. And it makes me go, you know, and now this weekend need for it, and it's manipulating and kind of weird, and it makes me go, you know, and now this weekend I was like, hey, can you not do that? Because that kills me when you do that.

That really fucks me up. And I did that with a friend of mine too. We got to a little fight. And I was able to, instead of fuck you, fuck him, and fuck that, I call them up and said, you know, dude, that fucking kills me when you do that, man. I'm sorry, I know it's not supposed to hurt my feeling because I'm a fucking grown man.

I know and we're comics and we're supposed to be macho and take, but it fucks me up. I'm sorry, it does. I got fucking issues and you're my fucking friend and that fucking hurt me. And it was like, dude, I didn't meet and then it was over we it was like I did this because I was like oh I thought you did that and it was a miss and then we can't and it was over and then he you know It was a now what's weird about that is that where somehow tighter

This somehow the bond is better. Yeah, through that through that honesty that directness. Yeah. Yeah, because I, you know, I'm sick of walking around with resentment. I walk around with a lot of resentment. I think in this business too, we hold onto that. It somehow fuels what we do too, which is hard to. It works in the beginning, but then after a while it starts to become a hindrance to everything. I think, yeah, it does.

At the beginning it kind of gets you up there and gives you attitude and fuck this guy. Right. And then after a while, that's the fuck you, is not enough. Yeah, I think you can still own the psychology of anger. I think you can still own the psychology of resentment and talk about it, but I don't think,

I can't walk around with it. Yeah, because it eats you that. It's like, yeah, there's certain people I don't talk to anymore. And it's like, I don't hate them, but if you want to call me great, but if not, I'm cool too, because I can't fucking have that anymore. But there's certain people that I've, hey, man, it's cool. Let's just move on. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because I don't. It's such a long time to get there too. Like I watch my young boyfriend go through it and I'm watching him grow and

develop. It's a beautiful thing. But I keep telling him like how to be direct because I, where I'm at, I'm able to do it now. But watching his like stages of it, I'm like, oh my God, I was there like, you know, 20 years ago. Just trying to figure it out. How to just say exactly what I mean to someone. Yeah, and like watching him go through it It's like it's kind of painful, but it's like at the same time. I'm like you'll get there You'll get well. You're afraid of not being liked, you know when you tell somebody Hey, man If you're honest with somebody and say hey, I don't like that you did that

You're afraid of the consequences. You're afraid of being alone. You're afraid of them telling other people You're afraid of walking into a room and people going, you know, there they are. And that does happen, especially in this fucking shit business. You know what I mean? But there is a point where you have to, you know, when you can rely on your talent or your knowledge of how to write a joke or write a script or act. And you can rely on that and just say, you know what? Fuck these people, fuck this stuff. I need to be real. I need to just, whatever the consequences are because for my sanity, for my humanity, for who I am, I need to just be honest with that.

That's a hard thing to do man because if anger is a fucking drug too, anger feels fucking awesome. Screaming, yelling, fuck them, fuck this, these fuck, I don't think, I don't know if there's any better release, you know, because I get angry a lot, but it's when people disappoint me that I have high expectations for. So I get out and grit my wife. The expectations are so high. And then when you don't do it, you don't somehow, you don't like me as much as I like you. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Because I really expected you to do this, and you blew it off, or fucked it up, and didn't. So you, because I wouldn't do that to you. Never. What I ever fucking do that to you. And somehow you did it to me, which means the level of like is different.

And that fucking kills you. Where you're like, oh, fuck yourself. You know, it's because here's the thing. I don't want my son to see it. You know, yeah, because I saw this thing with this guy this commercial with the dad was doing something and then he looked Oh, he didn't see it, but the wife saw the kid was doing everything the dad did and I was like that's fucking real Yeah, my you know you turned that okay with all the fucked up shit that happened to you dude I'm we're not there yet. Yeah, I still have a shot of getting fucking through. No, but it's an addictive energy.

I still have a shot of fucking some traffic jam. That's it. Yeah, dude, I flipped out at the airport last week. I fucking almost murdered a guy because he hit my car. He tapped on my car. Was he a polyjetic at all? Yeah, he was a polyjetic. I was too, because I don't like anger.

I'm really not that guy. I think anger is a sign of weakness loss of control. It's an addictive energy though once you get in it like it feels like it's almost like you want to feel More like I feel like you feel just especially when you feel justified in it. I feel Justified is a tough. Yeah, all the real dangerous people to aren't like the guys who shout like Joe Pesci It's always like the shagore from no country for old men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just kind of stare at you for a while and they're almost amused that you're the fact

you're upset and then those are very dangerous. Yeah, those are very dangerous. It's the cool for American gangster. The loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room. It's actually from a pimp. Pimp something. What's his name? I'm not helping you. Cool, something, Pimp. I'm not. Cool, something, Pimp. uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh This Sunday cool something pep teaches the kids again. Oh my god. I don't make a dollar out of 50

It's so important. I wish I could get his name, but he's the one where they all even Slammed American slim. Yes. Yes. Slim watch slim. What? Pim slim slim I can cool slim. I spurt iceberg. Yes. That's it. Yeah, it is kind of I feel weird schooling her I Spurx Flynn yeah it is kind of funny though because when you said one in the room talks a lot shut up we got it yeah well no like hearing like was that all the I have a better one ready the unknowled wheel squeaks the loudest the unknown

wheel yeah on I'll take the bend in. I'll have that. I don't think that was a joke though, again. I was watching last night. I was watching a documentary in Otisotool, the guy who went around with Henry Lucas, the serial killer girl. And hearing us bitch of that shit,

fuck that motherfucker, and then hearing him describe his crimes, where he was just like, yeah, and then I just took him in the car and then I shot him in the head because he was talking to like it was just so calm and like and you're like oh that's the motherfucker yeah that you got to watch out most seriously because you're like the pleasant guy I mean never expect anything yeah there's some guys are just you know mean, don't get carried away. I do think that, you know, these situations can always go fast and go quick when you're yelling.

Like me, you know, Mike, fuck you and you're like, fuck you back. I was sitting around on the ground. I hit my head. I'm dead. Right. I mean, you're mean serious. My kid has no dad.

My blah, blah, blah, blah. And, you know, you're sitting there feeling, so it's like these, that's why hate. I don don't watch these fights man on on YouTube yeah I can't watch him I can't watch a gang of people beat up a mother and a kid or one two people fight I don't star I like bully shit for some reason I can watch that because I like what a bully gets yeah I love that morality thing there yeah but what two guys fighting and one gets knocked out, it scares the shit out of them, man,

because it's like that's so dangerous. I feel like those girls in McDonald's, those young girls fighting in McDonald's, did you see that? And then that St. Patrick's Day Parade, they had the guys fighting outside the bar. Oh, I saw that, and then that, and then that, I didn't see that.

Well, it's weird now, like, because back in the day, I feel like everybody knew how to kind of fight and now today either you don't know how to fight or you know How to kill somebody because you're doing like that you have C shit like you know I can take somebody out in two punches or you what you're like slapping somebody's ass It's not even that it's just like there was a set there was a sense of presence I think before where if there was a fight of racers like let him go at it Yeah, I mean I was gonna fight my I was that one guy who said all right enough. Yeah, let him go at it and then when the guys are all right

It's over now, but now it's like there's no rules like it there's fight between two people and then one person's friends We'll just jump in and then beat the guy down and stop him. He'll be out and they'll still be kicking me I think that happened. I just don't think we caught it because of, we didn't have video cameras. I remember when I was growing up, I hung out when I hung out drinking. I remember there was a guy in front of us on a bike at a red light and we beeped a horn

because he was in the way and he gave us the finger. And we just got out of the car and beat the fuck out of him and then smashed his bike and ran it over. Oh, great. Yeah, I mean, if he passed out, like beating the left one. beat the fuck out of him and then smashed his bike and ran it over. Oh, great burn. Yeah, I mean, to say... Was he passed out like beating the left one? Yeah, but he was in a bush.

Yeah. Was he down on the ground knocked out and you're still kicking him? I didn't, because I was, I didn't have that in me. Yeah. Actually, I used to get hit because I wouldn't do shit. Do certain stuff. I used to get beat up by my friends. The guy's eye on that one.

Would punch me in the fucking face. I, I think I'm not being that guy I never I never had that in you know, what don't be a pussy. Yeah, I think so for being a pussy I was like Jesus Fucking bubble button a gun. I yeah, yeah, I remember that it was fucking terrible. I felt shitty Here's this fucking guy on a bike. We were beeping at him, just being dickheads, we were laughing too, and he was like, fuck you, which we should have took. Right, right.

We're being dicks, we're being, got the car, four doors open, Monte Carlo, some fucking beat the shit out of him, ran his bike over, that's it. We used to do that shit all the time. I think that shit happened back in the day. That's what I get seen from the Zapranas. I just realized we're, I thought he was doing his friend. Good little hunting. We used to do that shit all the time. I think that shit happened back in the day. That's like a scene from the Zapranas. I just realized we're like,

good will hunting. We used to be guys up like people would walk to the park late at night and we'd just beat the shit out. Oh, I don't know. Black guys, did you give black guys? No, we didn't have a black people, or what are you praising? I mean, to be the most that you run after them.

What's weird in my name and where I grew up, black everybody had a park. You understand? Yeah, I know. So the Italian guys had park, Tufts Park, the Irish guys had North Park, then there was a black. The black guys had cool park.

No, they had a, they had Dugor Park. Oh, okay. They were a Dugor Park. And then the, the, Sounds like the city is the park. Yeah, that's for sure. It was a, it was the black part of town. And then you know,, the, Sounds like the shittiest of the parks. Yeah, it was, it was, it was the black part of town. Yeah.

And then you know, basketball hoops, you know what I mean? Yeah. No nets. No nets. But yeah, we never really fucked with the black dudes. I fought a black guy. Remember the first time I, I just talked to Patrice about this. I, the first black guy I fought was, his name was, a fuck I feel his name. It was thin black dude

And he was a cool kid, but we got to a fight one day. I might have been my fault I might have said something to him and we fought and he wouldn't go down I thought I thought black people had different skin because I kept hitting them and he kept getting back up and Fighting and punching me and we had to come to a draw because he would not fucking give. You were bigger than him right now. I was, I was big, he was thin and lanky, but this motherfucker just, take a hit and give a hit because he was hitting me pretty good at.

It started whipping. There was a point where I was like, I'm getting tired and he's gonna fucking out last me. So we just became friends after that. But I remember I was like, I went home and I was like, black people have different skin. Cause I hit him with everything I had

and usually that worked and it didn't work with this motherfucker. Wow. That was the only black guy I've ever fought in my life. And we became friends after that. And then I dated Genea McKay my first black girl. She was smoking glasses, nerdy chick with a little pom pom on top.

She had a big high ass because she was looked like a runner, like a fucking Tootsie tribe. I thought once, who'd you fight? I thought, what the fuck was that? No, he just looked like he could believe it. I could believe it. I thought in, June 9th grade, I've picked like he could believe it. I could believe it. I fought in, uh, June 9th grade. Yeah.

I picked a fight with the girl. I tell it in my act, but I actually do it different than it actually happened. I started it because it was such a tough school and I wanted to prove that I was I could fight. So I picked this girl. She was really unattractive and she was very like nerdy. She looks scared. Oh, you're the bully. I picked her., she was really unattractive and she was very like nerdy, she looked scared. You're the bully. I picked her.

And she wasn't. And she knocked me in the front. It was like she knocked you out. She knocked me out. It was like I went after her. And I think I knew the thing was to say was, you know, you've been to do something like I would kind of push her to start it.

Did you get ghetto? I did, I tried. I wasn't out. And then she just said, I'll be her, you be you, right? I did, I tried. I wasn't out. And then she just said, I'll be her, you be you, right? Well, first I had my t-shirt over my head. I didn't have titties at the time. That's a nice t-shirt.

So I had like a white, you know how the guys just do that with their t-shirts? I had that and I was like, I'll be her, you be you, right? I was like, would you say about me? I know you said something. I didn't say anything.

No, would you say, huh? I didn't know you said what did you say? You finna, you finna, you finna do this? I don't know. You finna, you wanna fight? You know what you say. You finna do this? You finna do this? You finna do, you wanna fight? You finna do, you finna do, you finna do. I don't know what you finna do.

I don't know the finna do. Come at me. I don't wanna come at anybody. I said, you know what? What? I'ma knock you out. Oh, really? And that was it.

Funk. I was flying. I can woke up with it. I was just to your afro I remember there is like scratch marks on my face and we were in the principal's office And we became friends there and I said you know it's weird right? It's business. Yeah, it's like it's just business You know, you're the little cheesy, you're the last fight you got into

I was in college and I was in college and somebody called my girlfriend fat at a bar I was gone as taking my sister home and then I came back and she was crying my best friend was with her and she was crying What's she fat? No, and but she was crying and I was like what happened? He's like some of these guys and then my buddy start jawing with them and she was crying. What's she fat? No. And she was crying and I was like, what happened? He's like, some of these guys, and then my buddies start jawing with them and then we got thrown out. Okay. So then I,

Did you talk to my buddy to leave? Did you fat girlfriend come with you? I'm kidding. He's about to fight you right now, right? He's not your girlfriend now, right? No, I'm gonna fuck her. Can I agree with you? So then I,

girlfriend, then our Mel's in the corner. My buddy, I told my buddy to leave. I didn't want him to get it I Korn me fat. I didn't want my buddy to get it I screwed so it's just fucking should a fucking large cheese. She wasn't fat Not to you, but you know, you know that you're fat any any girl that you will she stalky no shield hockey a little bit Not at all, but you can't call any girl that you will she stocky no she'll talk a little bit not at all you can't call any girl I'm like getting mad again get Max your let me tell

a story I'm sorry I got what she just at least a little bit she wasn't there she was fat girl pretty girl I should be girl wonder where I can tell the story go ahead all right so my buddy I we get kicked out I tell my buddy to go home because I don't want him there's a lot of them and I don't want him to get my problem, right? So I he goes home. I take her home to my house feeder Come on Baby I put your cereal ball on the floor next to the fridge. It's full of Captain Crunch.

Thank you, baby. And when you done with that, I left donuts on the counter. Okay. I'll be right back. Good. I take her back. Yeah. I leave her at the house and then I drive back.

Right. And I cut the lights and I just wait for the guys to come out Cuz I'm like I'm gonna take a beating problem, right? Yeah, so if I I don't want her to see it I don't want my friend to see it. I'll just take the beating uh-huh and I cut the lights and I waited for them I'm gonna as soon as they came out. I just attacked them Just the guy that she because I I was walking her through the bar I was like point them out right so she did she, point them out. Right. So she did. She's like, I, she was in tears, like, she was barely,

like, she's like, I think it was them. And so I'm like, okay, so then boom, came back and I just cut the light and I waited, and then I attacked them. She's, and I thought I was gonna take one because everybody came to the front of the bar. And, uh, So they didn't do anything?

No, I was getting, I was, I was getting the best of both of these because one guy was trying to hold me. I was like, punch in the other guy. That's right, you were a wrestler. And then yeah, so I was going out of pretty good. Everybody came to the front of the bar because one guy was trying to hold me. I was like punching the other guy Yeah, so I was going out pretty good Everybody came to the front of the bar and I'm like here comes yeah, and they were like they were just like trying to calm me down So I'm like, oh, I thought they were I thought this was gonna be it. Yeah, I always get my face kicked in right so I I held my own and then I heard sirens and then I ran right What was that my cousin amulets going to your house because you wouldn't get a heart attack

And then I ran. All right, what was that? That was an ambulance going to your house because you couldn't get a heart attack. What do you got? I just imagine you getting arrested and your girlfriend shows up and is like, I want my son, Gilbert, you know. That was it.

You went home and then you're one of those silent guys who can like kick people's asses. I don't think I can. My mom doesn't usually fight. Now I'd like to. My ex actually stopped me. No, no, no. That's how I fight by my fight. I find doesn't usually find. Now I'd find. My mic's actually stopped me. No, it's how I fight by my mic.

I find a pipe. Yeah. I find a pipe. I hide it around a corner near me. And then he comes up and goes, Hey, what the fuck? And I go, Mike, I'm so sorry. I bow my head to it.

Like an omega male. I go, no, look, Mike. I don't want any trouble. You're a good guy. I've had you on my show. I think you. So whatever it is, I'm sorry. And he goes, all right, motherfucker.

And he walks away. And as soon as he turns you hear King you feel just a king yeah as I fucking smack the base of the skull I'm not a fighter I think you're a better than I'm very capable of getting my ass kicked because for some reason comics always talk about like who's the toughest guy and you're usually in the top five the toughest guy and you're usually the top five. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that.

I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that.

I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that.

I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. I just agree with that. that pause when you think about hitting someone and that he just wants to go right to it. There's no hesitation. Yeah, he's talking. There's no, well, yeah, he's got some recovery to this. There's fatso, little skinny fat, whatever he is, black, whatever, fuck he is, fucking Islander. He doesn't have that like weird water world jewelry. Like the bad guy's like, he's like this weird earring. Four rib wards. He's that he doesn't have that like weird water world jewelry

This weird earring your funny gonna merge on that show. He's yeah, I Bobby I rip four quads I have eight I'm a missing two on each side and then I'm on how did you do that? I don't know I look in his fucking Twitter. He if you look in his Twitter. He's fucking squatting Seven seven plates plates on each side on each side That's why you have no quad you fucking idiot. You're in a basement in the ghetto Fucking trying to impress some asshole Yeah, he's like bear knuckle There's a lot of guys. think who are tough. Gary Goldman, I think we'll be very tough. Yeah, he'd be tough.

Very big. That big guy. Gary Veter. Lenny Marcus. Lenny Marcus would be. I think Sodor. I think Sodor would be a tough guy. No, you could be Sodor for sure, yeah.

Sodor talks a lot not even. I think Sodor catches you with a couple of those right hands. Sodor, let me tell you something. You're in a bad problem. No, Dov David off, yes. Oh, Dov. Well, Dov can throw his hands. Yeah, Dov's dead. Let me tell you something bad, Broadway. No, Dov, David, off, yes. Oh, Dov, yeah. Well, Dov can throw his hands.

Yeah, Dov's dead. Let me tell you something. So do it, fucking do some weird grabbing thing and then throw a punch. You hit So Do it one nice fucking solid right right on that flat chin is. He's out. He's done.

He like, plus he like, he's a good, this is why So Do can't fight. He's a good person. As soon as he hits somebody, he's either going to feel bad or he's going good, this is why Soda can't fight. He's a good person. As soon as he hits somebody, he's either gonna feel bad or he's gonna get hit himself. I think that's where I think Soda has another gear. I think he has a gear and I think if he, I think he's a pretty powerful guy.

And if he makes contact with one of those long overhand defensive end, what have you seen? Have you seen his fucking little fists? Yeah, Dawn has bigger fists than Dan S. Okay. He should get his nails painted. I Said it All right him and Derosa could point for a living. How about Louis. She got me Louis. She got to be definitely beat Derosa. That's for sure. Gomez. Oh, yeah Gomez will be Thomas Gomez a problem. Yeah, he's got all that kid rage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah plus

He's got career rage Kid rage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, plus he's got career rage These get fucking Bob Kelly rage from I feel fucking pissing me off of me fucking shutting him from my life Dude, what the fuck man you and my meal ticket now I have it. I'll hope fat Jay makes it Greg, yeah, I always thought you and Greg Warren have one silent. I was just with Warren all weekend at this turn Me he's the one who got me into the term. He's an all-american. Yeah, he knew that I'm dead. He was told. Yeah, he's a beast. Hey, what he downplays it so much because he's such a good dude Yeah, he was you don't get seventh in the country from being seven than the country in this country unreal in the US

Okay, then yeah unreal. Hey, why was last fight you got into Jesus? Jesus, I mean I got jacked up on the street, but that wasn't like a fight It was just me and Neil Stas he got punched in the face and this is like years ago in Bushwick We got punched in the face. It was like it was like pathetic I always would mean him or talking. I just see the huge fucking black fist deck him in the face glass He falls out. I just tried to huge fucking black fist deck him in the face glass glass. He falls up. I just 'm sorry because I'm racist, but he falls down and like I turn to this guy and I just go like side eyed me. It was so surreal. You know what I mean? He just came and I said this guy and I go,

hey man, what the fuck? And then he like yeah, decked me. Yeah, they just decked me in the face. Didn't hurt, but then I just saw a car with all his friends, like motion, like with two fingers. And I was like, well, we're not fighting right now. You know what I mean? He was obviously a fucking gang initiation, you know. So this was just- That's what it was to hit you. Yeah, yeah, wow.

You are part of something. Yeah, he did like a symbol to him. And then he just walked off. Oh, the suck up. Can I say something? That fucking, that suck up punch shit that they do. How's this gang people? Why don't you punch each other?

Why don't you do it like old school? Do a fucking wall of death and go through where the fucking call it. You're gonna go to some random fucking dude, some guy walking home with headphones on and knock him the fuck out. Yeah, that's nothing. Just fucking, there's nothing more. That's pussy shit, right? You're saying that somehow you desensitize.

Yeah. You have no empathy for human beings, but you're really just a fucking coward. Are you saying, what? Are you saying gang members aren't good people? I'm sitting out there. Well, I'm saying it. Because if you want to be a badass,

watch the fight each other. Take the take the biggest mother fuck around the gang They do how do you know because they give you the gang fights They have to jump into a gang like six first one or something like that for a minute Yeah, but this fucking this little new thing they've added hit the guy with the beard elect records Right the old lady The old lady walking down the street. Yeah, oh when they hit the old lady walking down the street. Oh, when they hit the old lady, that's the shitty thing. But it's like that's like a

glorific exaggerating. Yeah, but you can defend yourself a little bit. Only you can defend yourself. I'm very little bit, but you can. I would I tell you what, if it was me and her, I would just trip her so they would have to her and run away. Just something like that.

You would trip the other way. I guess that was a failed bit. I'm not really sure what that was. I definitely failed. I'm gonna take them. What are we up to? You try, man. That's that was a failed bit. I'm not really sure what that was. I'm definitely a failed like good. Yeah, I'm gonna take them. What do we got in the shower, man? That's what's great about you.

What do we got in the shower? You just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, just, you just, you just, just, you just, you just, you just, you just, just, you just, you just, just, just, you just, you just, you just, There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go.

There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go.

There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go.

There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we go. There we talking to him. It's a whole thing. Wow. Yeah, well I Have he's on 900 podcasts is Louis Yeah, no, he's not no, they think he's shunned so they're trying to start Asked me to review his podcast. He asked me to get stars before I had even listened to it He said and then go on and say that it's great. Oh, I think man like a formal written review on I tunes He says just do it do it now I phone the other day and just he was doing something and he just killed He's on show and he fucking reviewed it on my phone Lewis wants to be famous badly

Well, then I said it. I said it fuck you. I said it Anybody who grabs somebody's phone I don't even believe, and bullies a five star out of them, and she's a woman. Yeah, I was like, I don't even listen, but haven't listened to your show. Who fucking makes a woman fucking five star review? He told me there, he goes, it's just a test. I gotta figure out if this is actually what bumps us up in top podcasts.

I was like, being good, I thought, helps. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, being patient, being good, getting... I didn't even know that. That was what was... How many comedy shows does he have? I have no clue. Was he with the real estate?

The real estate. The real estate. The real estate. The real estate. The real estate. The real estate. The real estate. The real estate.

The real estate. The real estate. The real estate. The real estate. The real estate. The real estate. is a podcast. Yeah I got so he's got like three. How do you have that much material? I don't know that time. I don't know Mariana, is it true that you only gave the podcast three stars? That's what Lewis is saying. I deleted it too the review I gave it I gave it four. I didn't give it three I gave it four out of five and he was upset about that I was like I gave it four because I haven't listened to it. I just gave you four and he got mad at me.

He's like, you fucking gave me four. And then I was like, I think I said something like, I can't wait to meet these guys or something like that. But I would like to listen to it for example, actually rating a podcast, Lewis. You know, I adore you. Everybody loves Lewis Louis stop forcing the stars on me stop it it's forcing the stars to be a star what else we got in the chart besides

fucking Louis Comes fucking go mites why is Lewis dot on the show why is he could why he needs a fourth podcast he needs he needs more show it's him trying to do different voices, but it sounds Go might you night Instagram this fucking 12 likes Go ahead when you shared your story Stephen Gonzalo said powerful words by Robert Kelly. Thank you for sharing You got it. They're going nice little positive input that's a nice

stuff deep who i'm filtering bro well filter what i want what's the mean thing that was said uh... bobby's fat but not the obvious that is anything better than that uh... fucking thin indian uh... that i've nothing prepared that's negative right now sorry okay good i will listen guys i'm gonna wrap this up.

I will say this That that's what you told us What you told us rapper is like I haven't gone to therapy in about a month Yeah, because I don't really pay her the way I'm supposed to So you're gonna write now You know somebody has your own podcast I say all right, we'll wrap it up. You know, let me just say this Let me take the reins for five seconds

No, but it just makes me want to I have to go back. I was such it really It was really yeah, and then I got uncomfortable that I was getting touched So I'm like was Scootle a bit I was uncomfortable that dancing that he was I felt that he was getting touched And I was like I don't think he goes through this a very often. Yeah, this is just it was really too much for me I go through it a lot, but yeah All right now it's just there's a sad Whatever you had like a sad real moment like you're not trying for a bit. You're just trying to have a Whatever you had like a sad real moment like you're not trying for a bit. You're just trying to have a month. I will listen

I want to go to this doctor. I want whatever this nose spray is I want something. Oh Fuck I can't stop looking at your fucking two titties now. I've never seen you with titties I've never looked at your titties ever. I know they look great, right? They look good now intimacy with titties I've never looked at your titties ever. I know they look great right? They look good now. Intimacy. Alright we're gonna end the show. I think she's literally a wrap like. Make sure you check out Lewis's three other shows. Hammer me now. No that's not true. You should be fine though. I Should combine all three of them and call it that have of me now Dude, what do you got Mike? What are you coming up? I just I plug my things. I know do it again I'm sorry. I'm just go to your website. What's your website? Mike Vekky on dot com and follow me on Twitter at comic Mike V that's my important at comic Mike V

Mike V you're always a fucking rock star on the show, dude. Thanks for coming. Thanks for having me. You got it, man. What do you got, Mr. St. James? There's a Dan St. Germain dudnet, all my, all my sights in my album, and then all my sights, Jesus Christ, all my dates in my album, you can get, and I have a podcast, my dumb friends,

Twitter's D.S. Germain. That's great, now where do you do your show? Sean Donnelly's kitchen, we love to have you on. Marinas on tomorrow. Sean Donnelly, tomorrow on a birthday. I love Sean. Yeah, Sean is at the seaworld. I love that.

Yeah, he's great. We love to have you on. He's doing a post. Where is it in Brooklyn? I will definitely come on do that. That'd be great. Let's do that. And then when you do it on,

we're just doing Thursday because I live in LA. So we do like whenever I'll be back in June. So if you can't do it tomorrow, we can do it in June or whatever. Yeah, I can't do it tomorrow. Yeah, we do in June. Yeah, or we can come to you too. So yeah, so if you can't do it tomorrow, we could do it in June or whatever. Yeah, I can't do it tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. We can come to you too, so. Yeah, come here, we'll do it here.

Some of the logical things are producers and mess chooses. He's in New York and I'm in California, so it's like the worst thing. I have to do a technology man. Yeah, technology. Titties. I mean, Marina, what do you got, Bubba? That's fine, you can call me Titties if you want to.

What the fuck, actually, is that? Hi, Robert. Is that like half? Don't forget I have that rub for you. It's a, please finish this. It's a fucking barbecue rub. Yes, it is. Yeah, it's from where?

It's simply marvelous. My cousin, Stefan. Yeah, no, simply marvelous, and out of Santa Barbara, California, best rub, actually has been reviewed on YouTube. He's got a P-Con. Both of them. What?

Both YouTube's? And the fuck is YouTube's? That's how old, on the YouTube's. So you told that why could you go bitch, I'm going to get you on a YouTube. But I brought you a special rub because you've helped me so much with my podcast, friends like us. And if you want to check me out, Marina Franklin, I love you. I'm glad that you made it to the show today.

Thank you, Robert. I was going to tell you to beat it. But Deepu was like, no, no, I was so much like deep. I was like, you know what? Fuck her. And the dude, yeah, a little bit, but I, you didn't relate it. I relate all the information. I said to you. What did I say what you say? I kept I said he's young. He probably is not relaying this to Robert

Reformation call Robert himself you should Why was I was like I? He's not doing this right what I said. I know how serious Robert is about time It's very important that you tell him I have a doctor's appointment He told me he didn't say I cannot receive that first part So I just I had his doctor for me. You didn't say that first part which teaches the whole fucking dynamic Yes, and I say I know how he is about She's actually ignore yeah you fucking You have no common sense and I said I bet that's a big part. I did say she wanted to be here though

No, you didn't yes, I did that's different. Yes, I did How Robert is about? It's very different anyways, deep enough enough my fucking craziness It's okay. Hello. Shut hey, hey friends like us Deepo Deep was like you I was like, yeah, I just tell it to come next week He was like no, you should have Ron if she can make this second hour. I was like really he was like, I was like, I just tell it to come next week. He was like, no, you should have her on if she can make this second hour. I was like, really?

He was like, yeah, she's a great guest. And I was like, yeah, you're right. Thank you, thank you. Not even a sexual thing. Not even a sexual thing. But you're right, you're right. Thank you, I am Russ. He likes you.

But we can make a section. But I love it. Oh, look, if you fuck people, I need to get up. We're gonna go have some time. Anyways, I'm glad you came on. Thank you, Robert. You're a good-oost guy.

I love you, Robert. Thank you, Dan. I want that to be the last thing.'m a good looking guy. I love you Robert. Thank you. I want that to be the last Go check out Robert Kettle Live.com for all my dates. I'm gonna be where We didn't I'm gonna be in all the Yeah, you're gonna be April 18th co-having resort and Lakeville Pennsylvania. Yeah, that's a sexy couples resort So maybe you deep-goop there. What else? May 14, 15, 16th, left Boston. That's the show Boston fans. Spread the word, get your friends evolved in that.

After Bobby Kelly shows sells out, please come to my show. You know, I'll tell you this, who John Oliver, right? Yeah. So me and Lenny Marcus today, we haven't lunch up up before I go to therapy. I love Lenny Marcus. I Call him up. I'm gonna be in there with me be over there. He needs to be over the diner

We'll talk about some John Oliver walks in and oh my gosh shit. I go. He's not gonna know either one of us And he walks in and he sits down with whoever he's with and they eat and then we're eating We're fucking laughing with whatever and he's walking out and I look over and he's there and he goes Hey, how you doing Bobby nice to meet nice to's walking out and I look over and he's there and he goes, hey, how you doing, Bobby? Nice to meet you. Nice to see you. He's like classy as God. He is so sweet. Nice.

I was like, this is why I'm a fucking moron. That is like, he knows, he literally says, hey, Bobby, nice to see you. Like, he got nothing to, yeah. And I go, well, I go, hey man, you two, man. Great. Thanks, John. And then he's leaving, I go, hey man, you two man great thanks John and then he's leaving. I go you doing a great job

Let me just put this head down I fucking suck it fucking sweet You're doing a great no shit What the Vulnerable you doing a great job I suck the other day. I'm on cow head Corolla calls in I don't see a word and at the end he's a guy. I'll talk to you later And I go hi Adam

It's Robert Kelly He goes hello It's like what the fuck is wrong with me? Anyway, you want to take over again? It's hard to be real nice sometimes, but that was like vulnerable. You were like throwing it out there. I was shocked that he knew who I was and I was very pleasant. He's so nice, that guy.

Pleasantly surprised, you know, and then for him to say that, that's very nice. And then for me to go, you're doing a good job. You can almost see the rest. Like in the air. It's so funny that that never ends. I think my first interaction with you, I felt the same thing. I was like, funny.

And then I walked away. It never ends, I guess. It's the worst. I told Louis that I imagine his pubic hair. That was my turn. All right, we're gonna end the show. I just wanted to tell him that the scene, like, yeah. Okay, great.

You guys are the best fans in the fucking world. Thanks for checking out my show, listening every week. You guys have been showing up at my shows, coming up to me, let me know that you listen to the show. That means the world to me. We do this, all this stuff for you guys, so that you can come see what we really do,

which is stand up comedy. And you guys have been showing the fuck up every weekend, buy and tickets, bring in friends, and sell these shows, which is great for me. I can't thank you enough for downloading the show, listening to it and spreading the word. You guys are amazing. I'm not gonna force you when I see you,

grab your phone and give me a five star review on iTunes. But if you'd like to go and subscribe and review, that would be magnificent. I am gonna force you to go buy my special at robacadoliveive.com five dollar donation. Roba-catalive from the village underground. Tell everybody about that. Spread the word about that.

Put it on Twitter. Get the word out there. Help you pal out. And make sure you check out everybody. All these comics that have been on my show, the regulars, Dan Joe, Lewis, and then all these guys today that have been on the show. Go to this show's live and tell me you're there

because you heard them on this show. Let them know the YKW fucking dude podcast. Let them know that you, whatever, I'm rambling now. You guys the best. You know what, you know what, you've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs.

Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, movimientos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com