Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - And More

Episode Date: May 11, 2015

Robert is joined by Dan Soder, Andrew Schulz, Mike Lawrence, Amy Hawthorne, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yoros escuchar a Robert Kelly? ¿Y qué, dude? En la RiantCast Network. RiotCast.com.

¡Welcome! ¡To the funniest podcast on the planet Earth! ¡This is gonna be a costa fire! ¡Fuck it! ¡Has no rules! ¿Sagradar mi gas, hall? to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a claustrophic. It's a podcast, it's no rule. Look at the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic? No, that's so fun.

That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and he happens. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's and no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides to the coin Podcasts popular I might affect something you never know I'm gonna rock on tour.

Excellent use. I'm gonna rock on tour. Excellent use. So, Doug? Hi. How are you, buddy? Good. Good to be back with...

I forgot what it was like to be in Colonel Kurtz's. Come here. What do you have a hack Twitter guy? forgot what it was like to be in Colonel Kurtz's coming out. What do you have a hack Twitter guy? No. Dude, he looks like Dad devil. Dude, he looks like a cracker. Holy shit, you do look like King Chris.

Dude, he looks like a new cush every boss. I was saying it because you were bossing everyone around. Dude, what was that bossing around? Who? Deep who and school. What did I say? Deep who. Keep making them change angles. How is that bossing around who deep who and what I say to depo can make it I'm changing angles How is that bossing around? That's exactly what you're doing. What do you want to do? Just keep an angle? You did boss us around what?

Yes, I boss you around yes you two because you guys were telling a fucking story a great story Grand larceny were involved so I have you are busy bossing people around So you weren't paying attention first of all scopo. Let's talk about the bossing around. Yeah, yeah me and scopo I said hey, we got everybody's t-shirts up Boston Scally Company great company. I had the necumus show. We get this shut up list of mania. We got his shirt up I have a t-shirt right there just

Right there, now it's okay. We have a brand new T-shirt. Right there, Robert Kelly, live from the village underground from my special. Yeah. Available at riotcast.com merch page. Very cheap, nice, beautiful T-shirt. Go download it and buy the T-shirt.

Here's a deal. Me and Scope will talk to you the day. Hey, I want to hang it up. What you do, he says. You should hang your shirt up. Behind me. Get what those things and get a hanger. I want to hang it up. He says you should hang your shirt up behind me. Get what those things and get a hangar. I got it. No problem. I call him up. Hey, did you get it? He goes, he reminds me to bring the shirt. Okay.

Sends me a text in therapy. I'm in therapy. The phone rings. I text them. I'm in therapy. Oh, remember to bring the shirts. Bring two shirts. Okay, I do. So I call him, did you remember the hangers, the hang, the hangers shirt? Oh, I forgot. So I'm gonna bring the shirts in, and I think this is what he wants me to do. Ready? This one I'm supposed to do the whole time.

Just awkwardly grabbing, I don't know. Hey, welcome to the YKWD, I'm just gonna hold this, the whole fucking show. I should make you wear it put that on Oh, you can wear it. You wear it. It will work I just thought that don't act like you to just fucking came up with it Hey, and then and then I said okay, well just I say we'll just go to the hardware store. They want a plenty of time Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, like I didn't say I didn't say like yeah I know you are like a fucking little ruffy dog

There's black comics who would be like oh you hold like a fucking little ruffy dog there's black comics who would be like oh you hold up to shirt the whole podcast that's what you got to do in the business so then he goes to the fucking thing okay and he gets to hangar forgets the thing to hang the thing on the wall I always love how that's bossing around yeah that sounded like a wife story but I love how you're problem that's something like something Floyd Mayweather says before he hit her He's a liberal cut cuz he doesn't want to hit women Because he doesn't want't hit women at all ever unless you're a liberal

Unless they don't buy one of my t-shirts which Chris Cope will forget to hang Wow you're on fire for a second Look at him's in goes Anyways, I'm like an event. How do you go to the fucking hot? Answer me this because I know you're already fucking you're already on everybody else's side You turned to corner with me me and used to be always be together When it was me you and Joe Dero always back you up with you fucking voices, but somehow now that you got some fucking fame Dude, that's fucking show man. You just unraveled in front of me

I was just Now you're on his side not at all. I just you're on his side. Not at all. I just, I'm on his side. He is breaking my thing. I'm on Asia, Asia's the big market these days. I'm waiting for Chris Kobo to just go, but Goonies never say die. Yeah. You literally were doing the My Wish, My Dream speech just now.

It's so emotional. I wish I knew it, Dad Med. No, I was just laughing. I'm not laughing anyway. I think you were absolutely in the right about what Scopo didn't do, but it's funny how your tone changes when you retell the story. What's that? You're like, I was on the phone with Scopo, and I said to him, I said, if you could pretty

please just pick up some hangers. What's my tone, great on the show? When you forgot the hangar, what I said. I just go the story and get some more. This is like in cops when they show up and the guy makes the abused woman Look at me be like what I Chris look at me what I say Look at me what I say. Yeah, this is they're just two kids throwing rocks at your window going how come soda doesn't want to play with us anymore And then he I said go just get the here's the thing. Let's go around the room

I did I won I did forget you wanted to hang up behind you. I thought we were gonna hang him over here. That's why I just get the here's the thing. Let's go around the room. I did alone. I did forget you wanted to hang up behind you I thought we were gonna hang him over here. That's why I just got the hanger This is a last bar kit video It ends at 362 today is the last one the video is done. Oh man The it's done. I'm going back. You know what I'm going back to what just me and I It's done. I'm going back. You know what I'm going back to I found Just me and sometimes calling

That was the greatest show ever Okay, so here we go go around the room introduce everybody scopo. Can you remember that? I think I can do that. Okay. Yeah, to my right. We have Andrew shalt here. Hello Big news you know announcing it can we now to fuck yeah, oh fuck are cool do it now right now Right, yeah, actually. I don't know if we can oh don't you tease us like that do it over with this for me Bobby And I find can over with this for me call cool. I want to fucking find out Go I want to fucking find out What is Corey what what what is Corey or Dave at comedy connection that you reconnected and what? Fuck him. I don't know what the fuck he wants

All right, let's find out can I take that would be cool man I'm gonna text right now if we can find out so go around the room go around the Dan Then we have you just introducing Dan Soder right there I don't you guys didn't know that argument you guys have before that's Dan soda Coming back to Mike Lawrence over here You're looking for problems that fucking grew off that tree you're Dick Cheney and I'm Iraq you're looking for things that don't Yeah, I think you look like I'm not a Twitter hack I'm just saying you're looking for problems. There's no problem here. There's a fuck I am committed is ever I think I just remember I'm a good soldier. I'm we bay

Fucking go from the wire My intro was talked over and I'm gonna use that anger to fuel the rest of this Mike Lawrence how you doing Mike? I'm good, yeah. Good. They, Mike Lawrence, also known as the joke riding machine. The joke machine. Mark Norman and I dubbed him the machine when we worked with him. And then we have first time on the show, Amy Hawthorn, Amy, you know.

Hey, comedy groupie. Is there a Twitter handle? Oh, he's always on the phone. Thank you, Scopo. Oh, I like when you call. Wow. I know. I know. You actually getopo. Oh, I like when you wow. It's a term. You know when you get when you actually get Producery you chub up Get it

Scopos scopos thick Scopo is thick and scopos actually working with me. I you come with me to Boston. I am yep you and What's his name? Stavros Stavros Convert from Baltimore. I mean, I just see your face. Is coming with me to Boston. So it's going to be a good show. Where are you performing in Boston?

Laugh. Oh, I heard that one's beautiful. Yeah, I've heard it's amazing. I've heard, look it. I love, look, I love Giggles on Route 1. I love the Colons. I love the look, I love, I love giggles on Route 1, I love the columns, I love the Wilbur, fucking was my home for a long time, and then Laf Boston came in and made me an off-road. I mean, an off-road car, I mean.

It was close for me to do it, Michael. It was made a walk away. The breathing is so accurate. So that's it for my real breathing. Like, Devia, to snap to my fucking- The breathing is so accurate. That's such a weird breathing. Like, deviate it, it's after my fucking... That impression first amazes me and then makes me worry. I saw that movie for the first time, like, five years ago.

And when he falls in the field with the oranges it's in, I just went, and my Italian friend got so mad at me. Yeah, that's there. But it's so goofy. Yeah. Yeah, they can't, that's their life. But it's so goofy. Yeah. Hey, I have a question about the Boston Comedy scene. Talking to the microphone to the cell.

Oh, sorry. Hey, guys. No. Andrew Schoen just found out he could talk into the microphone. No, I did comedy connection. And I was asking, what's the big club in Boston? And apparently, there's not like a,

they don't have like a, besides the Wilbur, they don't have another. What happened was the Wilbur used to be the comedy connection in failure hall which my favorite club in the country okay because it was right in failure hall it was always sold the fuck out Friday Saturday yeah and it was just you know they've been you all I mean you can't get me to restore that your blocks away from fucking the North end You're right near the the garden. I mean the you know where the Celtics play no you're right near the garden But you're right. It's just centrally located in Fany Hall. It's just awesome for food and all the fucking shit that goes on

And the club it was a club. It was a 400 cedar. So it was amazing to actually play there It was one of my favorite clubs in the world, but, I'm gonna hang on once. Stop it, go back, stop it, train. We can get over here and you grab that chair, swing that mic, just skim that microphone. Give that microphone. Just give that mic right there.

That's your mic, right there. Now keep it on the thing. No, I'm the owner of all. I guess we'd actually be the Wizard of Oz. If he was a professional wrestler, his name would be the landlord. The landlord. The landlord. It's the landlord. He's the owner of the comedy cell of the all-trip cafe. You can village underground the black guy pussycat and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on No, you're you walk in here and you look like you have something to say I Got nothing to say thought you wasn't to say to me Oh, but I watch I want you to say it to me in this beautiful studio that you use I heard there was beef

In a few will studio that you free of charge with the microphones that I bought and this is my microphones. Well, I bought all the microphones. No, everything is mine except for this. With the money you saved on the studio, a mixer. You know what, you know what the most processing thing was? That's it, that's the one thing you got.

This is the most processing thing you were like in the Daniel Hall, which was the best comedy club in the country, then the music hit and he came in. Let me tell you something about the best comedy. You summoned him, praising another place. Mike Lawrence is back, everybody. Lawrence is back. He sat up like the undertaker.

Talked to my fucking intro. I really just came up here to publicly apologize to you, Robert. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, this is never happened. This sounded different than downstairs. I really just came up here to publicly apologize to you Robert Whoa whoa Stop this is never happened. It's not a different than downstairs I haven't publicly or personally. I didn't realize how fragile you were. Yes, I am very fragile and I am fragile. That's my name fragile. That's my wrestling name I'm toughen, but if you talk about my childhood, I cry. Give me the cry He's got little certain little spots and if just touch some lightly crumbles. Yeah, crumbles

And one of them is his his special that he did at the underground and I did your club and I didn't put the he made a long Promotional video for it. I didn't mean to say long that way. He made a long promotional video for it twice and I promise we shortened it. I promised it was still too long. I promised I would put it on our home pay. Yes. And I didn't get to it. Yeah.

And then to make matters worse, it didn't even occur to me that Keith Robinson is actually in that spot right now, plugging his video't which he did not do with the Village on the back no screw ball theater right or the corner did not do it I don't even know if they're invited to a show didn't even care no I I walked away from the deal I was in a deal and I said to my manager I go I'm gonna walk away I I know I don't have any grounds to do this I would like to walk away from this and I'd rather not do it than not do it at the Comedy Cellar in some form of fashion.

I'd rather not have a special than not do it at my home club. My home club. I said that to and they said, all right, we'll do it. And I said, okay. And then I talked to no, and everything blah, blah. And here we are. Look at the shirt, show them the shirt. Turn around, but and here we are look at the shirt shown the shirt

turn around to have a look at the shirt robbercat live from the village on the ground your club yeah on a shirt that i promote everywhere i tell everybody that the one of some of the time that from an add or two different words yeah i think we're starting to also see why bobby doesn't get a lot of apologies that that that gonna do it for you. I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna turn on me again. You fuck you, Dan.

We're finished. Oh my god. That's how she looks. The funniest thing I've ever heard Dan's so to say. Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. We're gonna make a Robert's eye. No, I didn't mean it that way.

No, you son of a bitch. No, because I was so deep. And such an inside into human nature and he didn't have to He hit we got it that was This explanation was longer than Bobby's video just now No He didn't say the fourth time but technically that counts as a fourth insult. Alright, so I'm sorry Robert and I am going to take care of it. Not only did he, here's the thing, not only did I make the video and he makes me, if you

get me something I'll put it up. I got him the thing, never put it up, at the special when we it released didn't put it up Wasn't on the thing we actually sent people to the comedy seller website. It was never there So I just assumed that it would be there never there I go I should have done over the weekend But you know the other day when dawn and your son came over and I was trying to make them food and make them dinner And so like I didn't get to it. What are we? We're not in the projects, I don't need you. I have to fuck his ass. I was spending the afternoon with his wife and son.

Yeah, and I didn't do it. I'm sorry. Wait a minute, man. What do you mean? You make yourself a... You're an absolute father, right? You're a wife and son. Okay, you're gone so much.

So I have to have a male role model for your son. You're on the road a lot. The keyword was male role model. Well, that's too far. I don't really. I don't care. But now your baby knows all the lyrics to cats in the cradle. There's no. But now your baby knows all the lyrics to cats in the cradle. So there's

Yeah, no, it was busy playing Harry Chapin for your son All right, so now I yeah, and you're gonna make the ad right? I'm gonna make the ad all right Going to the page. Yeah, what are you gonna do with key Robinson's ad? I'm gonna take it down. Boom, goodbye. I called that jack up, I was like, you motherfucker, he's laughing his ass off. I go, I want you off. There's a bob. What the fuck, man, what friends? I go, this is a doggy dog business.

I go, you're gone. You know, that website gets a lot of hits. Yeah, thousands. I know, and it would help me out when we're aired on Comedy Central it was on when it aired and and no it was on when it aired when it when it was a release date Yeah, when they could buy it. Yeah. Yeah. No, no nothing to really say we could buy it. That's what I meant when it when you could actually Purchase it but you can purchase it now can't you? Yeah? Yeah, all right All right, buddy. Thank you. You're the best. Okay. you are the best. You're one of you. I say this to everybody

I say this to everybody one of the most generous people on the planet earth Just not reliable not reliable and socially kind of retarded, but listen nicest guy in the world Oh, don't get nervous No, everybody. No, the landlord aka the landlord everybody know the landlord aka the landlord okay here's the deal we cannot announce nothing I had a feeling here's the deal good call but well congratulations to you on a shadowy announcement shadowy announce me you're playing Pete Davidson's dad in his movie yes that's it would you like a show you guys have comedy cell seller has shorts now too

With the new logo You know the you know the actual comedy seller sign out front. Yeah with the lights They have a shirt with that on it. Well, what about the world? The guy in the audience both of them both. Yeah, I want a couple shirts. Yeah, I'm actually I don't even know I just made that up am I fucking you right now? No, I think I if Liz is back. Yeah, I was just hanging out there downstairs. Anyways, okay here we go So yeah, go to comedy seller dot com and check out my link For my page so let's go Mike Lawrence. I have a special guest gift for you today. I appreciate that so we will

We will talk about that. I might give it to you at the break. If we take one depends on the flow. The flow's been going good so far. So let's keep going. Go ahead. I did that already. Chris Scuapo. What? Yeah, I injured everybody. Everybody. Everybody. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Go back to our special guest here. I didn't hear it. We were talked over by you know, we got Amy Hawthorne, aka Comedy Grouping. What's your last name? Hawthorn. Hawthorn. Yes.

Hawthorn. What is it? Hawthorn. Hawthorn. Hawthorn. Which is mangled by everybody all of the time. And you have a comedy blog? What's it called?

Comedygroupy.com. Comedygroupy.com. That's cool and welcome to the show for the first time. That's great to hear. It's great to hear. I like your personality already. All right, so here's a deal. And I really wish we could announce it because that was like what I was really

wanted to talk about. I was very proud of you. I'm very happy to you. Thank you. Thank you. So there's also another one of our friends that we can be happy for. Yeah, and I'm I'm I'm pretty sure I know what it is. Well, yeah, good good stuff. I love it. Good stuff happens to yeah, okay people I'll take it I'll take it It's kind of it when someone says to me like I get that dude. I'm happy for you dude. Wait, wait, wait, you got new faces Again Somewhere Lewis is feeding right now. I know, I just didn't know. I mean, we're so happy if fucking,

if he, everybody he knows gets new faces except for him. He just goes up there and takes everybody with an oozing. Who is, who is Lewis's arts and emphasis in comedy? Oh, it's a good, the industry. Everyone, apparently he was his microphone. My bad, so I should lead you fucking lazy model. I'm trying to be comfortable getting this mic across.

I'm gonna have to go posture for this show, man. I can't, I need to lean back a little bit. It's a lazy way to go. Just start on the mug, I'm like, Guys, I got big news if we can't take the mug out of the water. That was as good. You went to a real nice cock block. You like that right there?

All right, that's good. God damn, the fucking Andrew is such a tall, good-looking mother. Lazy mom. Stop it. You stop it. Oh, God. Why don't you shave every day? You know what?

This is the only place I grow hair. It's kind of embarrassing. You permanently grow conkeys to wear face. Yeah. Yeah. You're a swastbuckler. That's all you have. Exactly.

It's horrible. But it's embarrassing because people actually think I try to grow it like this. I would love to grow a foot. Yeah, you're not like a 13 year old Puerto Rican. I look like a Puerto Rican girl. I'm like, grow her. It's like a fucking female Latina.

It's embarrassing, but it's the only place I grow it. So it's fucking horrible. I feel like that you told someone else to shave every day with the fuck. Dude, no, you can grow the full beard. Yeah, you got a fucking beard. You just did a whole study on beards too, that they're finding fecal matter in Beards.

That's fascinating, man. My wife texted me this morning. Thank you, man. Yeah. Yeah. But I always think, whenever we hang out, I always think about how good it would feel to have your face smooth after having all that.

Hang on, one second. No, the landlord. You can introduce it. It's the landlord. He's back again. That's sort of a bad. I gotta go though. I have somebody wave me downstairs. Go ahead. So apparently, uh, what is this eyelash? Like you don't know. I don't know. I am not a cross dresser. Uh, yeah, it's eyelash stuff, right? eyelash adhesive. Oh, put on eyelash.

Oh, what are your trainees? Let's love it in the bathroom. It was just there. Yeah, just there. I love the bathroom. I love these blaming me. My wife's gonna come over here and she's gonna assume I'm using it. And she's gonna find Tranny stuff and she's just gonna laugh and go, God, I don't give a shit. Just like my wife would do. My wife don't care if we bang Tranny's.

Wait, what? Hold on. Hold on. Oh my goodness. It's a super liberal relationship. Your wife doesn't care if you bang Tranny's? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on a steak when he was 12. Yeah, yeah, that's old news. That's old. Oh, well, well, two and a half years ago. Well, Bobby. Oh, Bobby. Yeah, it's just like what he's 12. He sucked a different steak. How old are you? How old are you? I mean, that's just yeah, well, younger than 12. You know, that's molestation. You were molested. He was the same age. Oh, 12 is still molestation.

How did he have steak? Who was steak that bad at nine? I mean, I think your radio show really just should be a new panel every week discussing that same story. It's a good idea. Was I a listed with Robert King? No, I have a better show than that. This is the best story ever. Joe Metaree says I'm fixing Joe. Really?

You have a house in New York, I'm not. Fixing Bob. I forgot for a steak. What do you do? It's a surprise Bob is there a relationship between that and the Tranny thing what he made no I I'm my point about joking and it did it by apparently a flop because you made it literal What I'm saying that your wife or not if your wife found eyeshadow he ignores it when does one answer go ahead? I don't like this one. Do you like transsexuals? No, do you like Trinidad? Wait a minute, of course we want the answer

You know I'm talking in J-I'm on the tone Oh fuck I'm training I think I'm trying to ask and I'll get fucked Oh fuck

I'm all I think No, no, no, I I'm not in the field You can't I don't even need me anymore. I would think no, me would have enough money to fuck the training,

you would already have the eyelashes on. Like that's a cheap training, that would have to apply them when they're there. It sucks me, yeah. And the joke already sucks. Shut up. I don't know, with the eye, when you have to put it in.

Yeah, by the better, by the better. Hold on, so you've done this in your... As a topic though, instinctually you felt the joke not getting to laugh, you thought it would, at the time you did so you just kept going with the explanation thinking that somehow we go, ha ha ha ha Does nobody really want to know?

Is this something that's known? Maybe I'm just out in the cold here. Yeah, we know about that. Oh, so you know this is, I'm fascinated by... So what do you think of the whole Bruce Jenner thing? Like, what do you think about it? Not if we know you're an expert. Yeah, no, no, no, no, for real, I want to know about this.

Hang on one second, I need to go back. I need to go back. No, let me ask you one question. One question, you're an expert One question, please let me ask you one question. Okay, so we will get you got to clarify about the wife thing Fuck in your ass are you gonna tell the person you're that's waiting for you all this one. It's a newspaper interview, I gotta go. Oh, listen, here's a deal. I don't like when you do this. It's just you say, that's, you look at other people, whether you know them or not, and you go, that's the way Robert is. You just make shit up, you make these grand statements

about who I am as a person. What did I make up? You went, that Robert does that, that's his thing. That's not my thing. You heard me say that? Can we go to the tape? I don't think I said that. We'll do it next week. Yeah, I my thing. You heard me say that. I'll rewind. Can we go to the tape? I don't think I said that. Yeah, we'll do it next week

I'll see you later That's gonna be great in the New York Times where it's like owner No, of course it came downstairs and said he was just talking about friends Robert Kelly's love of transexuals I We had the train to show the last week. Oh, yeah Three transexuals and three different age brackets and actually three different stages of their lives And it was it was actually real interesting man There was you know Bailey's kind of where she's at, but she lives in Pekips. He's married to a fucking regular dude

And you know has a regular life and you know in a small little town upstate You have a question. Yeah hang on a second. All right Jay McBride who's a stand-up comic a little older than on a second. Jay McBride, who is a stand up comic, a little older than Bailey, a little past, you know, doing porn or whatever, she's just a fucking hilarious stand up comedian. Who is fuck, I'm not just singing that, either. She's actually funny, yeah.

Fucking hilarious, she was great at the show. And then you have Sue, who I want to talk about, Deepu is actually friends with now, who is a cute 20 somethingsomething-year-old girl who just started transitioning in the last five years or so, right? I feel like you're trying to pin me in a corner here, but okay, yeah, go ahead. And she just got breasted and all that stuff, and it was a really great show.

So I guess one of them was putting on some shit during the semi-lesson time. Yeah, I guess you went to the movies with her, right? Yeah, I saw Ultron with her yesterday. Yeah, how was it? It was amazing. Really? I thought it was better than the original Avengers. Whoa I don't know I don't know you've just awakened

Before my before my before my before we get into this let me ask this question Okay, so I watched the the Bruce Jenner interview and he was talking about a gender identity and he said He said this was the only thing that confused me. He said I am a woman. Yeah, I'm into women But I'm not a lesbian. Yeah, so can you explain is that all right? Yeah, how does that work in terms of my like my friend being married to the The Bailey J. No, how does Bailey like does Bailey Bailey sees herself as a female, right? Bailey is a female.

Is a is a female, so she is more woman than she is man. But she has man parts. Right, but her conscious is female. Her conscious is female, right? And if she likes guys, she would consider herself straight, right? Right? She likes both.

Or bisexual, but how is Bruce Jenner telling us that he's a woman yeah and we want to treat him as a woman and we accept him as a woman but if he's into women yeah how can he call himself heterosexual that's what confused me am I not understanding well I I think it is confusing I don't think you're wrong here's confused I think you should be confused I think he's confused it's a confusing whatever. It's a confusing thing to go through and it's confusing for us to understand it. But I think the main part that you need to understand is that when somebody says, I feel this way,

I believe that I'm a woman. You have to respect it. I absolutely respect it. I absolutely respect it. The only confusing part is after I respect it, and you say that you're into women and you're not a lesbian, then I get confused because I'm like,

well, why can't, it makes me almost feel like he's a little bit homophobic. I think he might be holding back to, I mean, for him to go out and say, I like men, or I've been with a man, that might have been a little too much. Right. I don't know. I'm not saying he I'm allegedly

I'm saying that it might be I might be a plan or some type of hey don't say this don't say that yeah, I think this was well thought out Yeah, yeah, you know everything was well thought out on this because look if you went on and was like yeah I love dudes too or I slept with it people might be like oh You're just gay bubble. I don't know. I don't know He probably had final say on the interview and every part of it was controlled and you know And I mean the thing is yeah the only the only right answer is that's fine Yeah, I mean because we're you know it to me none of it. It's like whatever makes that person happy

Okay, I mean the toughest thing is I mean is it really that like can I just go well? You know, to me, none of it. It's like whatever makes that person happy. Okay. I mean, the toughest thing is, I mean. But is it really that? Like, can I just go, well, I'm an alligator. Yeah, that's not like, that's not reality. Like, what do we have to do? Yeah, but what does your being an alligator affect me? Like, that's fine.

It doesn't affect you, but at the same time, you can look at me and be like, well, you're not an alligator because there's rules to being an alligator. What's the rules? If you're a... You gotta live in a Swamp?

What else? You gotta eat when they throw the chicken in the swamp. You gotta roll around and you're grabbing it up. It's a big alligator comes in there. It's a goddamn gator fight. Happening and snapping and rolling around. Who don't identify as a gator? I I know gator you ain't got no gator I know gators we awoke the creeping giant We quit everything everything to do this with you every day. I'm like, oh. Oh, I would know.

Does that make sense, you know what I mean? But you're trying to, like, I think your point is like, you're saying like, oh, I identify with a different species. So now, my point is, is identifying with something is one thing, but like, I think in, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a lesbian. So if you're a woman and you like other women, why is it so important for you to still identify

this heterosexual? Because he's fine. No matter what you are, it's fine. Because he has a lesbian. So if you're a woman and you like other women, why is it so important for you to still identify this heterosexual? Like it's fine, no matter what you are. It's fine. Because he has a penis. I think he's keeping his penis and he likes to use his penis. He likes to fuck with his penis. So sexuality is physical parts. Makes him stress. So sexuality is physical parts. Well, gender is emotional. See, that's where it's, some people, I mean, I really learned that whatever you say about this subject the people that are experts are gonna be like no But it's this and the best way should just be like okay. Yeah, you really do I thought I thought SNL did a great job on weekend update But it's like they were just like they were gonna make a joke about the interview and then they're like it's

And then Colin looked at Che on weekend up big as you want to take this one and she goes nope And it went back to colonies like I guess it's okay, and then they just went forward It was like that was that was the best part because you're like yeah, Mike's okay. Yeah, you just It doesn't matter to me, but it just seems peculiar that you would I mean, you so hard imagine I said super feminine like I crossed my legs a whole thing. I don't give a fuck Imagine how well Latinos would be respected if they blocked every day You know what I mean like the it's like they fucking have the monopoly on blogging

You can't win with it. I'm sure if I was famous enough What does that mean they have them but who has the monopoly on blogging? I'm just saying that like it was they who's they I just didn't like like be careful I know I'm fucking myself now right now I'm racing anything else for you ever again. Yeah No, but what I'm just saying is that like within that community it seems any attempt to you know Whatever Bruce Jenner says or jokes about Bruce Jenner or even you know Amy's interview with Bailey Jay it all gets Yeah, because look at and dissect it in a way

that I've never seen anything else dissected to that degree. Because you could never hear about it. Now we hear everybody, but here's about it instantly. Back in the day, it wasn't that way because it was, which they did it in their head. But isn't this a little unfair? Like, here's somebody who is,

has been confused their whole life, right? And is being shit on for being confused about their identity, right? Now we're confused about their identity and they're shitting on us for the same confusion that they've dealt with their whole life. It's like give me a second to understand how you say me. I think it's hypocritical in a way. They judoed us. They threw us over their head. It took me six years to figure it out. You're expecting me to understand it in one day. When I have some questions. But you know what I mean?

Like if I have questions, don't immediately jump down I thought it would call me ignorant. So it's like, help me understand. It's the most important thing. I feel bad for you. She's trying to get away with it. It's my bad, Amy, my bad. I'm sorry I thought I was interrupted.

Oh well, I was gonna say, well, that's enough. Go ahead. I think women's finished talking. No,. I'm gonna go get women's finish talk. No, but so I went to a women's college and I deal, I dealt with a lot of that with like lesbian issues and also just, you know, women's issues. And it was an interesting thing as I got older to see. You kind of learn like make the world you want to live in.

So that's where you get this adamant attitude of like no fucking stop, you know cat calling me. You should stop saying this, give me my money, all that kind of stuff. And then you don't realize until you get to be like about 30 that you're like, no, fucking stop, you know, cat calling me. You should stop saying this, give me my money, all that kind of stuff. And then you don't realize until you get to be like about 30 that you're like, oh, wait, if we have a conversation, I can help everyone understand. Let's just do that. Aren't where I want you to be, doesn't mean you're a bad person,

but that's how people feel is, if I give you an inch, you're gonna take everything. That's a great explanation. That was well-blogged, I mean, talk. Yeah. No, but that is a great explanation. That's great. It's because we don't understand where we are now.

It's like we're lost and you're like, forget there. And you're like, I don't have any directions to get there. Yeah, exactly. Nobody understands the directions. I'm not in directions, don't they? Yeah, that's it. I'm really going to know it. I understand.

I think you are genuinely like a good, good, and understanding. I want to understand it. And it means nothing for me for you to do with your life. And me, you to not make this choice But that is who you are in your gender and I I respect that entirely We are we are getting more open. We're forced to be more open now Then we were back into that because things are more public than they ever ever ever was so

People are being forced into the open with their sexuality Who they really are because you will be found out anyways. And if we find out without you telling us, we, oh boy, do we fucking lash out? Why is there resentment? That's what started a country, Mike. But that's a weird thing to reside to. The public feels like, what the fuck, you know, like Mr. Brady, when we found out he was

gay, because we felt like they that trying to get something over on us Here's here's here's the wee-tees man. Here's the Olympic guy. Here's the guy in the Kardashian man's fucking man Wait a minute. I bought wee-tees because of you motherfucker Like that's a weird thing to be upset all in the woods straight on on a sitcom where he had kids and he was like All right, let's take you to the park. I mean that was a real thing was like, all right, let's take you to the park. M-ha, I mean, that was a real thing. The rawtie, I was just gonna say, the rawtie. They filled the tires, they were like,

oh my daughter should marry him. I mean, rock Hudson, go and say that. That was cute. It was funny, it was like, you could be yourself, just don't say what you are. But what I was saying was, I think it's important to accept first and then understand, for example, accepting that of Benjers 2 is not as good as

Avengers and then letting me teach you to understand why. I would agree with you on the Avengers point and actually the greater point about accepting and then understanding. Yeah, I mean, I have no problem. You know, when I be here as a thing, I became friends with Bailey. I saw Bailey on the internet on like a YouTube video, not even a porn. Sure. I swear to God, I tell you, I'm just telling you, I like a YouTube video not even a porn sure like I swear to God I tell you I'm just I get blue to first day

But then I became when they had them on my show I Became friends with her and her husband and that I mean having them over my house And I've been up to their house and they're just my friends. It's, that's it. And I forget, you know, I remember she came to Max's birthday party. She was just sitting around with her. I forgot that she was just Bailey.

She's a, my friends wife. That's it. And she was around all my neighbors and nobody fucking knew. You know what I mean? I mean, we'd really give a fuck. The more you're exposed to something, the less you give a fuck about. Well, the world changes too. You know, I mean, I mean we'd really give a fuck the more you're exposed to something the less you give Fuck about the world changes to you know, it's like people always say like back in the day

You know the greatest generation we stayed married people were fucking miserable killing themselves, you know Abuse the merges. Yeah, they hit women a lot. Yeah, and then they had the the women finally had the confidence to fucking leave Yeah, that's a good thing. Well, it had to do with religion too Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Half-exiting at divorce. Yeah, death is, you can't get divorced. But you're talking about being exposed to something and being more comfortable with it.

A lot of people don't know in Colorado. There's a city called Trinidad, which performed in the world the most transgender surgeries. Up till I think about 10 years ago, and it still is. It's a major destination for people to get gender reassignment surgery a lot of trainees live there Yeah, they live there Also known as your elder Otto your city of gold

Yeah, it's got a home in Trinidad a statue of Norton But they but that was like a thing where in Colorado you kind of knew like if people went to Trinidad they were gonna get I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary.

I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary.

I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm not an ordinary. I'm saying you can do it. I know I can't do it. You earned it. I like it's trans You're a trans woman. You're a trans woman car. Well, training now is is offensive. Yeah, because it's the N word for you trans women because you know, I think like Bailey said yeah, oh actually Jay McBride said

Oh, it's cool, but then you come up. Are you really a trainee? Be a guy after a show, it sounds rude. And by the way, I wasn't calling him that I was saying that was the term. No, I wasn't. I was saying back in the term. You ain't got to know. Someone's gonna get a blog.

Oh, yeah. I remember comedy central, I couldn't say that. And then I had a joke where I said I was giving a nickname and it rhymes with agit and e-tard. And they're like, you can't say e-tard, but agit was fine. It's literally. Wait a minute, let me ask you a question.

Yeah. You couldn't say trainee on comedyard, but Agut was fine. It's literally- Wait a minute, let me ask you a question. Yeah. You couldn't say Tranny on Comedy Central? No. That's surprising? It's fucking dope. It's, I mean, come on. No, I mean, you can't say it. You lose it, man.

If you're willing to say it and take the heat, fuck you, you should be able to say it. Comedy Central is not willing to take the heat. And no one is, I mean, we are losing that right to say what we want. On TV. And it was like this one. And on every where.

Yeah, if this is fearless. If it's, but I'm saying. But I'm saying, I think, I think I said Lady Boy and they're like, we're fine with that, which is the training. Lady Boy is not. Lady Boy is not. Yeah, you sound like a fucking like an alcoholic GI from Vietnam. It's like, I was in Rosemallow the bunch of lady boys and sagan on fucking that i think that's where that's meter

kind of lady boys is often literally whoever is willing to blog and complain i mean joho homo joho homo's witnesses have gotten more separation of church and state laws and all that then any fucking one else because they fight for it yeah you don't have to say the pledge of allegiance because of those guys yeah and i love the fucking pleasure. I pledge allegiance to the Fudge of a but they don't want to claim allegiance to a God, but you understand That's who knows where this all gets us

Right, we all started going in the Publications to the flag the United States of America to the public to which it stands Under God Indivisible with liberty and justice for all it's under God it's not even two a guys under god you're acknowledging a guy with a question and not everyone believe in you guys that's a lot too much I you hear a blogger yeah you're I mean you are technically part of the problem I mean really I mean what that's what we're talking about what's talking about people now did you

go to school for journalism? Nope. Are you, do you have any other jobs besides your blog? Yep. Yeah, I do marketing. I've done all kinds of, you know, technical writing. I have done journalism before, but I did comedy stuff. Okay, so then you say, but here you are, you could go

and you could take this fucking whole show out if you wanted to. I could. This is actually a second thing. I want to make sure you get whole show out if you want to I could this actually I'm not one second I want to make sure you get enough water okay did you want to cost me a shenanigan I ironically cut off from the transgender discussion yeah

it's funny too because Lewis is always like we got a blogger here why won't you get angry at us on skanks and I'm like because I'm not that kind of blogger so though I actually had this great thing on April 1st April Fool's Day I put up like a fake one of those where I said these are the five most offensive comedians working today You should boycott them, but I picked the nicest sweetest, you know, if you know anything about I am Hamilton And you're the man Pete Lee with number one on the list Pete Lee and then I picked a guy from LA for he man war who's also, you know, super nice everyone knows I love him Yeah, I had so many angry comments and like emails and like what's wrong with you?

Why do you hate comedy? You're part of the problem. How can you call yourself that? I was like holy cow I thought I went overboard. This was a joke and everyone goes no people write worse than this every day every day Yeah, because there's no There's no it's like a text message. You can't pick up the tone. I'd rather just call somebody and say, hey, what's up? It's like fuck you or fuck you. You don't know what it is.

I'm telling you. You read that blog. So it's almost like, I wish they did blogs in like audio record. I know it's like a podcast and we could hear you fucking snickering and joking and being sarcastic. Well, that's actually like six months ago, I read this, I forgot on what website, I think it was the Guardian.

I read a thing about behavioral scientists are saying that younger generations, because they're always on their phone and on computers, they're losing the ability to identify sarcasm and facial movements, indicating sarcasm. Therefore, and this just happened to me at a college last week, which I don't do colleges this this girl didn't get sarcasm and Midway through the show during my opener was like yelling out like I'm offended. That's not right I'm offended and it became a whole question. No

But it was a problem because she didn't it took another student being like, oh, she was being sarcastic. And that girl's like, Oh, okay. And you're like, yeah, you didn't fucking get it. They don't get it. That's what I'm saying. We're fucking. What do you think? Sorry. They're losing social skills. What do you think about the about a Jeremy renner and the whole slut shaming thing going on with what he said? Sorry. Oh, my bad. Do you know what I mean? Like he called whatever her name is I said that he tried to say that Hawkeye was a weak character on Jimmy Fallon If you want me to be honest, he was a weak character. No, he's not Bowen arrow. Why is it I am

Think there are better weapons that exist then she gives the one is the best part of the movie. I'll stop. You are an adventure if you walk out this door. Fucking unbelievable. Listen man, I have to agree with Hawkeye is actually, first of all, he got to give him way more credit because he's not a fucking genius. Yeah, so he shouldn't be there, but he's not a fucking, he's not an ex-man. He's an ex-man. The family man.

Why won't someone make him a gun? Regular guy. Just give him a gun. He's a legally better. They did it in the him a gun? Just give him a gun. He's a legally better. They did it in the ultimate universe and it doesn't work as well. He just can't shoot as well. Someone was ahead of you. That's a fucking throwing out of the future.

What about a machine that takes the bow and arrow out of his back for him and puts it in the bow and when he's in the barn, you just see all the different targets and stuff that they don't even, and that's just how much he fucking cares about his job that he's always trying to be the best. I love that. You ever? I miss that whole thing. The best target. The best moments I've had in comedy are when I know I'm the weakest person on a line

up and I have to try hard just to fit in. You have a lot of great moments. Yeah. This podcast is not one of them. Boom! That's a counter punch. I'm at least the Thor on this, but no. No!

But no, but it's that thing of like trying to fit in is more interesting than the guy who fits in. Okay, fair enough. You relate to that more? I guess I don't relate to it as much. Yeah. Why? don't know. I just I don't use it as always been great No, I just I don't relate exactly matter fact I probably would relate to that more in comedy than I wouldn't just the regular world But then I feel like you know it'sider in the comedy world. Here's what's cool about Hawkeye Right so many of the superheroes Tranny's the Hawkeye without even blinking I love it

So many of the superheroes. I'm an apro test every one he kills and I had your Voltron too. firefighter he is the cop he's the guy who puts himself on the line when he doesn't have to and that's more heroic I'm gonna protest everyone he kills and I had your vulture on too They're all robots. It's fine. Okay. Well robot lives matter You know what you understand that that would really exist what I'm no I'm joking Oh, that would be if that that there will be Fucking a group of people going robots matter and start fucking killing. Yeah, but I think there's a huge difference between not systematically being racist or black people.

You see what I'm saying. I love the explanation for it, man. I think it's great. I just feel like after watching Captain America one, I realized I didn't. I didn't. Whatever, Captain America. It's actually Captain America the first Avenger.

Who gives a fuck? I realized after a movie they tried to- Directed by Joe Johnson, who also did the rocket here. whatever captain America is actually captain America the first of enter who gives a fuck i realize that that that that that that movie that directed by joe johnson who also did the rocket here so he bit so basically the whole time they're like oh my god he's so good at organizing and i'm like i don't give a fuck like and then the second captain america came out and all of a sudden he could jump and he could punch shit and he was really good and i was like oh you're super hero now that's what i care about he did it in the first one all he did was, he kind of ran a little bit faster than normal.

He was really good at going into America. Oh, there you go there. You took it that is submarine. America. The chasing in our power is in the fucking first one. In the Avengers? The first Captain America. Yeah, when he comes out of the fucking thing all jacks.

Yeah. So that's his power is going, yeah. He's a pretty cool power. He's not a cool power. He's a flex. And his basic power is he's like a good power. We got the Ampoule Power. It's a good flex. But his basic power is he's like a peak human. He's the fastest in the season. Wait, why did they make more Captain America's?

Like, they could, they got killed, they killed the scientists. So no one else could figure it out. They tried to figure it out with Bruce Banner and that's how he became Mahalq. He fucked up, they couldn't figure it out. That's how it was gamma right. And it fucked up and that's. And that's the whole thing in this that like struck her I don't know I didn't see number two yet. Yeah, the good guys win. Okay, the good guys do win again

Okay, there would be a three, but there is a Cool ending okay, done and then Come on I'm sorry that there was the fucking Mayweather packy out fight Yeah, well I didn't have well I am and didn't beat his wife you could have seen it How do we know? He's he's putting his wife he's putting his wife way more danger than he's putting his secret they are not

human debt and boy it's pretty emotionally it's not a secret she's pepper is not a secret she started off as well she is the fucking owner of the company

he did get a turn iron man three which is a forgettable move that would be woman shaming by just calling iron man three I think I'm going to see it this Friday. The Avengers, I'll say this, I went, well, Keith Robinson calls me up, he says, Hey, dummy, we're all going to the theater. And when these big movies comes out, he buys around 20 tickets. And we go to the late show. But dummy waited too long, we couldn't get the 12 or 1130. So we had to get

the 130 in the morning. Wow, about two and a half hour long movie. So we go, we all shove a 130. And then there's 20 of us. Gary Gorman, Lenny Marcus, truck, Sharad. And I mean, fucking everybody. How weird does it feel to not be home with your son because you're seeing a superhero movie? It feels fantastic.

So then I get there and he sits me next to Lenny Marcus. Love Lenny to have lunch with, to talk jokes with, not to watch a sci-fi fantasy movie because he doesn't believe in it. He doesn't want to look comic books, he doesn't like sci-fi, he doesn't like any, so he's got a real face that says he likes sci-fi. That doesn't like trailers, every trailer. Oh god, another one. I'm like trailers every trailer. Oh God another one Every I'm like this Batman trailer comes on. Oh, he goes. Oh, boo

Next to me was a group of young So much in common as soon as it came on they raised their fist in the air like it's some Batman gang Okay, and and I was like oh my god shut the fuck we're gonna ask beat because Lenny's trashing Batman Trashing everything and then the movie starts and he's like oh really can god, shut the fuck, we're gonna get her ass beat cause Lenny's trashing Batman, he's trashing everything. And then the movie starts and he's like, oh really, can they really do that? Oh you got it. Oh, that was a move.

That's not that. Keith Roberts is laughing as whole time. The whole fucking time you hear Keith just giggling cause I'm sitting next to this pessimist. It was like the odd couple me in this asshole. But the movie itself, I thought was great, not as good as the first one. No, not even close.

Too much stuff. even close too much stuff Yeah, too much stuff. What was up with the Ninja Turtles house scene Do you remember Ninja Turtles where they just went to the house to ref? I call it the farm from looper budget saving talking about remember in the Ninja Turtle movie the first one The first one they just go to April's house Remember this April's house I don't remember this I'm talking about Avengers how the fuck did we get on because they have this house scene So they have this house and they go to Hawkeye's house when his wife and kids and then they chop wood in the summer Who the what the fuck do you need wood for in the middle of the

Everybody's in shorts and their Chomp and wood for this fire they're gonna build nighttime is cold it drops in August For the first time I am they're gonna build nighttime is cold it drops in August Fuckin August he's wearing an underarmor t-shirt. It was September 14th. Dude. I love it. I know it's September And then went all over the world. It's a movie about robots fighting superheroes in shultza's like whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa wood September that is ridiculous. Oh, what about the guy that turns into a big green monster? I'm Lenny Marcus.

I'm fucking Lenny Marcus. I gotta let go. Me and Lenny need a lot of things. This is what happened. They filmed everything else and they were like, oh, we'll just go to Detroit in the city where Hawkeye lives. They're like, oh, we don't have the money for any more city shots.

We just need to go to the stuff. They ask a grip. You still got that farm out there. Yeah, you could shoot there. Like it's it's it's it. Luke. Luke. Luke. Or did that. Luke. Or had this amazing future world in the first hour. It was unbelievable. They ran out of money and that last half is in a fucking farm and it's boring. Really? Yeah. I thought it was actually kind of cool in the farm.

With the with the cornfields. The door. Yeah, I thought it was actually gonna go in looper yeah I just thought that for me by telling me it was because of a budget me too I just I was sitting here unraveling listening but that word was so fucking cool Jeff Daniels has like a time traveling gangster and everything with the with the vision when vision do you know about or whatever I know he shows up anyways it when when that happens who's vision he's the movie yeah the all the dude oh the guy I was wondering who he was yeah he comes in oh I thought that was he's a mix of Adam Warlock and vision in the movie

what do you mean because Adam Warlock in the comic books has the soul gem and that's what powers him and he comes out of a cocoon and the vision does not. All right, but vision is just Jarvis, correct? Not in the comic now, but what he is in the movie. Did you guys know Jarvis was Paul Bettany the whole time? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I bothered the lot out of me since Iron Man 1.

I can Paul Bettany. You don't like Paul Bettany. You don't know it. You don't know that there's a voice. You're not fucking like a complaint. You have this first time. You have the first time. You have the word and the Paul fucking Bettany's role. You were in service. Who's Jarvis? Boy Complaints you What

Fucking betany's Service Why do you hate it? I know in the fucking What's it go then Vinci call movie and now he's fucking what's his name? He's a good actor what's it? Pop pop you didn't have the body

His body is not ready for what is it called warlock vision this warlock? I said that there's no parts of his character You don't need nobody has the body you get the suit and the back gives you the body He needed a better fucking suit because he was jacked into bitchy code In the video and this he looks to skid. He's like weirdly look like he's cut. He's like cut. Oh in the movie He needs more. He needs more. I'll get back to you I'll get back to you next step. It was a good performance He's been voicing Jarvis since the first iron. I know and it bothers me because I love Jarvis

And now that I found out that it's just auto tuned fucking Paul Bettany I'm pissed off. I don't like Paul Bettany. I'm sorry. We get that. All right. What's your purpose in the comments? I have a choice. Dude, it sounds like this. Your anger towards Paul Bettany sounds like he fucked you over early in life. I have to. I don't want to talk about it. So in your high school, Paul Bettany. I used to call Bettany now either. I was fucking hate him.

I don't like him. I used to feel the same. What's up with you, Paul Bettany? I used to like Bettany. That's a shitty last time. Right. You guys need to stop Paul Bettany shaming. I'm just too. Bettany lives matter. Yeah. Betney that's a shitty life right you guys need a stop Paul Betney shaming

Betney lives matter I'm back on I like Betney Betney work man, you know harder was for him to transition into a betney, you know, you had all this scrutiny Well, I got a little present. We're talking about all this stuff and I got a little presence for some people in here presence for some people in here. Oh boy, oh boy. I'm not going to give them out now. We're going to take a little quick break. I'm going to do a little ads. And then we're going to come back.

And we're going to don't show it. Oh, yeah. That's fun. Oh, yeah. Don't show it. Bad ass. That was nice. So I got this in, and I got more than one in here.

That's just the front. I got one for you Mike, I got one for you Dan, I got not a for you. Thanks, Mike. You got a sign picture of Paul Bettany. Guys, Paul Bettany's calling it. It's Paul Bettany chopping wood. Andrew Schultz is two of these favorite things. It's Paul Bettany chopping wood explaining Schultz is two of these favorite things It's Paul Bettany chopping wood explaining why Bruce Jenner's not a lesbian

Understand as Paul Bettany was a fan. He was just listening in his office right now He just called in just sitting back in his desk chair Like and he's got the gem in his for I guarantee though. I someday his luck he'll be on the couch promoting some TV show or And guess he'll be fucking leaning in between commercials fucking yapping it up. Oh, yeah, I'm betting it like Conan like going over then to be like Yeah, if I ever do anything with Paul Betney, I'm gonna go. Yeah, my friend shulty H What if I straight face them on the couch like every time I joke? I'm just looking like this man. I don't think What if I straight face them on the couch like every time I talk I'm just looking like this man. I don't think

Isin them out. If you iced them out, I fucking love you. Yeah Really greatest thing ever do it for the six of us You get a blog about it exactly. I was there the day It's not in this concede Under on our website betneygroupy.com I will be back in Very shortly if you're in the chatroom live, hang in there. We're going to play some music, correct? Oh, yeah.

And we're going to do an ad and we'll come back. We're back in literally five, ten minutes, okay? Hey, hey, hey, all right. We're back, everybody. Thank you for hanging in there. Baseball is here at last. And the excitement continues all season long at DraftKings.com, the official daily fantasy partner of Major League

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Hurry to DraftKings.com right now, EnterCode Kelly to play for free. You could win part of the and I will back everybody now I really really want to Sean crystal we had on the show yeah Yeah, Sean's awesome Sean is the best and he is a comic book artist Beautiful here take that home so it doesn't fucking ruin the show and he gave he sent these This is for this Batman is for you awesome. That's for you And To the camera is fucking awesome. Look at that. Look at how

Great shot. Oh, he's fucking shredding this one is Mike Lawrence Cool, oh, this is badass. How great is that? Can you pay you that, Mike? Yeah, it's awesome. There you go. Dude, I'm gonna get this frame. I actually got this one for you too, buddy. That's for you.

Oh! That is dark phoenix. Yeah, dark phoenix. There you go. That's formerly known as Jean Grey. Yeah, well, can we put these with, I will hang these up, yeah. There you go.

So yeah, be careful with that. We'll try to give you something here. If you want to put it in that mic and you can have that. So thank you very much. He was talking about he's actually might be listening right now. Well thank you buddy. Yeah. Yeah isn't he great? How beautiful is that? It's awesome. It's fantastic. Love it. No it's not the fantastic. It's fantastic. Love it. No, it's not the fantastic. It's actually the Hulk get it I'm gonna wait for a deep who to say that movie's great too You went with Sue who was one of the trans Gender woman we had on the show and you lovely human being lovely human being but no dating no nothing

No, I was actually very spitting with her when I met her that night, but you know we talked and you know, I don't think it was for me Okay So you're not dating but your friends. Yes, we're very good friends You know when you went to the movies did you find yourself you know rekindling a little bit? Mm-hmm. I'm sitting next to her and be like oh my god. I kind of no I just I actually did the opposite I made sure that I didn't go off anything because I was kind of misleading when I met her You know, I kind of let her on a little bit when you said oh my god. I love you You're gorgeous What do you have with anything? And when you look to me and go you owe me everything dude. Yeah

It's a very bobby line I apparently you guys you know what I'm getting sick of what are you getting sick? I'm very grateful before you drop that on me I'm very grateful. No, okay good. I'm done I'm very grateful before he dropped that on me. I'm very grateful. Okay, good. I'm done. Oh, okay I really just like my little kids grow up and you go away and no, you know damn what are you doing? I'm making sure that the pictures are perfect. Okay. I want them framed and I don't want them smudged at all I'm a big fan of Sean crystal. He's great. He's awesome him and I email each other. I know that he said well, he sent out that email to us about Yeah, he wanted a conversation about it. Yeah, I didn't see it yet. So I was like I can't read the emails Does he have a Twitter that I could just think? Yeah, Sean Chris though. Yeah, he's fantastic

What a great guy he's on the show and he'll be back on again when he comes back on I'll have you on with him That's a good Atlanta hot land uh... all that city uh... we'll get some pics after the show will tweet at him let's go to the chat room real quick uh... deep chat uh... yeah sure uh... we're kind of scraping the barrel here but uh... what does that mean well you know the the chat room there they're talking about uh... you know it not a lot of meaty good stuff you know it's a lot of you yet to me

that's why you have your chat and we have my chat yep so let's go to your chat what's your chat underlined incorporated says so fucking glad monster voices in the house yeah thanks bad it's great positive fuck your TV says pretty sure it's illegal to celebrate synchid amio without at least a Puerto Rican oh I know what that means but that's synchid amio is an a Puerto Rican holiday yeah it's a Mexican holiday for their win over the French in a battle. Wow. Somebody fucking. Someone worked at Dos Caminos for five years and

had the name of the restaurant. Fuck them. I'm out. I don't help. I don't have to go back in. I'm like, I'm like, hey, listen, do you guys have a lunch closer? I still do stand-up at night, I'm still doing that thing. I think I always get ahead of comedy fails, I'm going to have to go back to McDonald's. I'm like, oh, I could also have just another shitty job. I feel like I have to go back to the specific shitty job I left. Yeah.

Oh, would you just take a shit? Yeah, I'm sorry. You're not supposed to shit. I know, but I have to. There you go. There's a nice answer. For what? I just, that's hilarious. You're not supposed to shit. You're like, well, I did because I had to. You're like, oh, yeah, that works. And he's got a new great house. You fixed your, you took your guys guys. Can we talk about how great the squatty party is What's the squatty party? What is this how it's turned? I did he talk about the squatty party? Yeah, it's as fucking as he's sponsored by I mean he a huge everyone should be sponsored by a Smartie I told my wife to go to I told my wife to go last week and get me the fucking squatty

Pots so good. She said no, you don't need it. Yes, you do got me little max has a little bench a little stair Don't work somebody somebody says it says but it says max on it I don't know look at my kids name with little trucks in a baseball bat Okay, I'm taking a shit and it doesn't it it leans your feet in a certain way what happens is you put it around the base of the toilet It you bring your feet up so you're sitting in a simulated squat and It lines up your colon so your straight, your shits are quicker, better. You just feel it's amazing for digestive system. It was on Shark Tank.

It's unbelievable. It's fucking unbelievable. How much is it? $20 at Bed Bath and Beyond. I'm fucking, you know, this is why people get divorced. This is why marriage is fucking end. Who invested in it? What does it hurt your back?

One guy said... No, anybody. One guy said... Shut the fuck up. One guy says, don't get me the Squatty Party, honey, please. And that you don't need it. And then I don't get it.

And then my friend fucking gets it. It's unbelievable. Now I'm pissed off because you're shitin' better than me. It's always, whenever you shit, it's mostly just one piece. It's one piece. It's mind blowing. So there's no breakage in the shit. No, because you're colon straight. So it's mostly just one piece. It's one piece. It's mind blowing. So there's no breakage in the shit.

No, because you're colon straight, so it empties your colon completely. I love one piece. Oh, dude. And it is... I got my girlfriend on it. Is the wiping better? There's barely have to wipe. But you have to grab a cheek and open spread?

No. You don't have to... Well, you got a fucking thick but don't get down. I'm saying I got a spread. he needs a squatty putty plus Even them they're like science can't fix that This actually comes with two metal things that open his ass up here. Yeah, yeah You just you just put your fucking arms on your knees and then you just just kind of easy to read Too because you're like your knee it's unbelievable. I'm a little heavier. It's fine

My stomach, you know, I you know, I always drop soup on my stomach. Yeah Okay, you'll be fine. You got to reach under you sure yeah, you'll be good all right, so squaddy party get a squaddy party I'm getting one fucking tonight. They're so awesome to the point work where I'm on the road and I have to shit I'm like I really wish this hotel had a squaddy party I have a portable one I'm like, I really wish this hotel had a squatty party. And they have a portable one? I would buy it in a goddamn second. I was on a blob squatty party. Let's do it.

It means seriously. I remember some guy told me about it. And I was like, oh yeah, whatever. That sounds. Get some guy. I was doing when I was working Cap City in Austin, one of the guys on the morning show, was like, I got it. And it's unbelievable.

And I was like, OK, producer, good call the morning show right was like i got it and it's unbelievable and i was like okay producer could call and then i was in as the perfect place for that because the level of shit that you have we were just there holy fuck i would get more and power yeah that was it you did you did you were there yet it's funny every time i was gonna try to grab you and interview about stuff every time you were mobbed by fans and i was like

i can go grab robber kelly any day at side the seller and these people are getting their once a year chance to see him. I'm just gonna let that be. Can I just say how fucking perfect she is? She's a show business. Literally, there's nothing I could say to her. Do you understand that I was mobbed by, she had fans? There's probably like two people. One was Ted Alexander O.

Fucking Nate Bargazze. It was usually pretty cute girls actually. Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Huelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Bolotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en bolotea.com. source involved with that, Colleen, unfuckin' believable. Two problems. Ready? Two problems.

Shows too many comics. Okay. Yes. Way too many fucking comics. And I, you know, and I had a close a lot of them. Because you're a hammer. Well, here's it did. Dude, fucking.

You're waiting forever. Yeah. And nobody would stay on time. And that bothers me. It's like, I get it, eight minutes is quick, but there's 13 comics on a show, and we have to maintain some fucking professionalism. But you also understand the other side of that,

which is pure comedic greed, where you're in front of a good audience out of festival, and you're like, nim, nim, nim, nim, nim, nim, nim, nim, nim, nim, nim, and then everyone's doing 10 to 12. I don't fucking understand that. I don't understand that. Grow the fuck up.

We've, there's great crowds everywhere. You've done great crowds, you've done bough crowd. You haven't a good time. Do you fucking time and get off? We're all professionals because we're here at a festival. Non-professionals don't get invited to fucking festivals. Or someone should be there helping the comics with that. Because I know that okay, sometimes you,

uh, where am I? There should be somebody helping the comics with that because I know that okay sometimes you uh... where am I there should be somebody lighting the mother anyways that kind of bothered me a little bit and number two really number one when I fucking went to i was going to tweet the poster you know hey i'm here not on it whooow this is the second time you haven't been placed in a position that you're supposed to. That's actually everyone's major complaint about the festival. No, on the website.

Oh, that's actually everyone. No, you were on it. The whole thing, yeah, yeah. I said, yeah, yeah. And you thought about how many more laps you get on this podcast than I do, and you're like, how the fuck is he on? Here's the here's the the problem with these posters too. I don't like that they put Some comics in like 17 We kind of get that from our bank account balance, but that's kind of funny because that's how I feel this year I'm doing Bonaroo and they're like, Me too. Are you? I'm doing it with the TV show though. But you're gonna be there.

Yeah. Yeah. Well hang out. But I'm saying like for the Bonnaroo for the comedy poster, it's like, boom, boom, boom, boom. And they're like, dance harder, my pee is there. Here's the thing. And listen, I'm fine with that because I understand.

The business in your ego goes fucking crazy and then you realize it's an alphabetical order. Kendrali, what the fuck up in the middle? Oh, I see. I don't mind this small. Your ego goes fucking crazy and then you realize it's an alphabetical order I see Small even if my name was I mean I was Ann Moore Like I said blah blah blah and then a little time thing and more I might be in more a couple the book I might be a and more I don't like being in more. I don't like it. Yeah I remember I was the first time I did Marin's podcast. It was Anthony Jusley current man Joe Derosa and more I called him out. I go, I'm not fucking in more, dude. Put my name on the Tweet cocksucker. I'm not and more.

No, you're not. I was someone not had that as a stage name. Yeah, more. Yeah. Fucking genius. I'm on every motherfucking poster. I'm definitely more. I've heard open micers make that joke. I think that's why nobody's used to. We just did too. Oh, he just had the knees. That's what Bobby does. He gives you a poster than he slash your end a little bit. He just

took my name off his poster. I don't mind. I really don't mind. It just, look, I really don't give a shit. I had a great time, but it does fuck with yourself. It seems a little bit. It hurts. It hurts a little when you're like it just, look, I really don't give a shit, I had a great time, but it does fuck with yourself, it seems a little bit. It hurts, it hurts a little when you're like, hey, yeah, the post shall retweet it, boom, boom, boom, boom.

But there's certain, there's always gonna be certain things that, especially at festivals that hurt your ego, where you're just like, like I did laugh fest and I was getting lunch with everybody, and then everyone's like, oh, we're gonna go all do, and then everyone went and did Pete Holmes' podcast, and I was just by myself, I was like'm not and then everyone and then everyone walked to it And then I just walked back to my hotel with a milkshake like an asshole

And then like this this comedy fan was like hey dance order you want to smoke a joint? I was like I really need drugs right now And then he's went got high and then everyone that night was like oh, he was so funny Oh, when you did this and I'm so No, I look funny when you did this and I'm like I'm fucking I don't care how fucking cocky you are how big your ego is man it fun you look and everybody's part of something you're part of that but you're really not yes it's like why and it could have been a great I could have been book late the print I don't know what the fuck but it's like you couldn't just

stick my knee knowing that I would know maybe everyone was like and everyone when I saw him that night like Jared Logan and a couple of people were like You should have just came people had you on the podcast. I was like I should have just wrote your name in the house Yeah, Bobby's going around Austin dead. It's fucking Robert Kelly. I did a ping-pong tournament too Which was so much fun when I did it right because I smoked a bunch of hands lost So you go to the ping pong thing they're like hey come to the pan so I show up and I walk in I'm like oh it's cool and I look on this table full of ping pong with comics faces on on them yeah and the

other faces was now wow and you look the most ping pong PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP That's where Bobby missed it. He wasn't on the paddle. He was the ball. PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP

PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP

PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP PUMP Am I gonna stand I'm gonna use one of the fucking scolab brothers paddles Oh, you should have one of them too different paddles in the same fucking guy They couldn't use one of the paddles with you Bobby is the dentist stamp of comedy festival Great guys by the way, do the scolab brothers

What but a collard A lader and paddles for both of them. You know, it's funny about that. They did such the ping pong thing They made it to where I stayed and watched three hours they were so unbelievable fucking funny did they call it did they do it about me again for three hours it was so funny and then I was with Ari Schaffer who's like hey let's go smoke this hash in the back alley and I'm like this is awesome and then they're like get on stage and play ping pong and I get smoked 12 to 1 by some guy that's like good set the other night opening for Hannibal these fucking

I want to go with a shirtless Jew and an alien smoke hash. It was great though. I already made it to the final four So it helped them out. I know it was but the festival itself the shows the town It was fucking great the town the town is so cool. I love Austin Austin most overrated The town is so cool. I love Austin. Austin. You've been awesome. Most overrated fucking way. You don't need it. It's the Paul Bettany of cities. You set your fucking map. Dude, and I'm going to Austin in the

end of May. So come out to my show. The cat says, I went there for a buddies. I went there for a buddy is like birthday party or something like that. I wasn't invited to Bonner or what moon down. Both of them. But the point is I went there and I was so excited for Austin because I've heard everything.

Oh my God, the food is so great. And the fucking food trucks. All Austin is is clean New Orleans. That's more like the music is shittier. The streets are too clean. It is not clean New Orleans. It is Portland with brown people. But there aren't even brown people Orleans. It is Portland with brown people

Even brown people really it's not real Texas. It's like where it's like where might white people move and they're like oh It's so diverse, but it's like no, it's not No, this is how I was with you. I think Austin is far as Texas Is a fucking really interesting cool place downtown Austin is is a I love is it really that cool That one street and there's just not one. It's the whole town that whole area is pretty fucking pretty cool if you walk down Congress is unbelievable I did walk down it one streets gross. Yeah for sure And then I went to the other side where the hipsters hang out and it was oh I thought like especially over that Google fiber Sage they had over down in that area they had all these like real cool restaurants, I mean obviously the food is amazing. Is it?

Yes, it's fucking barbecue. No, the barbecue. It's barbecue is not that hard to make. It's psychic. Put it with, dude, I don't know, I just think- It's not on barbecue, it's a thing. You want to like it because Texas is so shitty. First of all, I'm a yelper and I found a lot of great restaurants.

Okay? Did you yelp review? I'm a Yelper and I found a lot of great restaurants. Okay? Did you Yelp review? I have a Yelp review in the world. He did me his Yelp reviews. They are the most funny thing. Listen, fucking goddamn Keith Robinson comes to town. He gets me to take Monroe and Phil Hanley to, well, I'm going to take him to a restaurant, like just a lunch.

He makes me take him to a fancy steak restaurant and he makes me fuckin' fork over the bill. I'm playing for it, he's got a show. I'm like, that's great. Yeah, but the show was filmed last year, that money. It's my fault. I don't know if you ever saw Munroe eat. The fucking guy. He's got fuckin' first-round draft body.

Yeah. He can eat and eat and it's a slow roll. You think he's full. Oh, yeah, he doesn't stop. Ever since Sandra Bull adopted him. That's good. Yeah, blinds. Oh, we had the restaurant.

Oh, I mean, I made the way the waitress. I think he says it a lot too. Yeah, three years ago, I got him outside the cellar when he showed up and I go, hey, blinds, I do want me to buy you an ice cream. And he's like, oh, that's mean. He's a big kid. He's a big kid.

He had a lot. You must have been angry when he kept ordering. No, that's Maine. He's a big kid. He's a big kid. He had a lot. You must have been angry when he kept ordering. No, I was, it was his birthday. Oh, okay. I don't give a shit. Because you know why? That's why I love New York City. I live in New York for so long.

You know, when you go out with four people in New York, it's 500 bucks. Yeah. So you go out four people in Austin. It's five, it was like 62. I was like, I can't get two more people. Look how many festival rolls dictate that someone not I'm not a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that.

I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that.

I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that.

I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I'm a fan of that. I had to be one name where you're like, oh fuck it. Fuck it. This is the thing that I don't know what happened to me in comedy. I really enjoy festivals. That's why I love this festival. And they do it so good because they do invite a lot of different people.

And I got to hang out with Nate a lot, who he fucking cracks me up, dude. I hung out with, of course, Germain was there, Keith showed up, Wanda was there, Tom Papa was there. I got to meet the Skalaam brothers. I met Eddie Peppertone, Dom, Iraera. I really, I mean, it's this, I think for us,

because what sucks, as I remember, when we were in New York and we were all middleers, we all hung out every night. So Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, me, Patrice, Keith, we're all just hanging out doing spots in the city. Now I never see anybody. And the only time we ever see each other

is at these festivals, Montreal, in a cool town. In a cool town where we get to fucking hang out. And Mike was fucking great, man, to hang out with you and see you and do a show with you Yeah, I never do fucking shows Yeah, I had a Mike and I two years ago. It was great a couple local Austin comics put us in a van And we went out and got barbecue in the middle of fucking nowhere, and it was great

It was like one of those fun experiences where you're like oh, yeah, we're still gonna do shows tonight Yeah, me and Phil handly hung off for a few hours. I never get to hang with Phil. I love Phil Hanley. And it was great. And the Skullar brothers, I never knew them. It's like, I never saw them a little bit, but now, and they showed up, they were the fucking coolest guys ever. So nice. And then them calling, similar, when I went, I never remember.

I like that he keeps saying Skullar, because it makes me think they're in a Skull band. Yeah. Skullar. Skullar, scullar. I like your pronunciation. Yeah, we hung out on the fucking balcony, smoke and stokes, me and Eddie Peppaton one night, we smoked some cigars together.

I mean, I really, I didn't look at anybody and like, oh, I don't really do that anymore. There was no name on the list that you were like, how the fuck did he end up doing that? That goes away. It goes away, dude. Really goes away, dude. Yeah, when you understand, when you understand your own talent, when you, when you understand where you're at and you kind of go, yeah, I'm funny. And this is what I do. And nobody can really fuck with it. And I, you know, it's fine that people don't like me or people do like me. It's like,

you start looking at comics like, oh, that's just different than what I do. Yeah. Yeah, I don't, you know, sometimes you're like, why is, you can't really go, why somebody said, come here, you know what I mean? I had, look, the way my career has been, I had to crawl and fight and get and just become funnier than,

you know, And that's why you respect Hawkeye so much. Funnier than I was or just keep getting funnier to be undeniable. So, where somebody goes, you know, I like him, he's good. And, you know, look, to me, if you're a good person, if you're a dick, I don't care how funny you are, go fuck yourself. But if I, you, hey, how you doing? What's up? Fucking great, I'm good. I'm done. You're

you're cool. It's hang. What's what's I mean these these festivals are our only way to be a community dude. For comics. It's our only time to actually hang out and have fun and do lunch and do shows and hang out at night and socialize with each other and learn that. You know what? Fuckin' dude, you're not so bad. I thought you might be a dick because I didn't know you and I saw your comedy and I pre-judged you and you're hat and the way you dressed. I talked to you and we had a fucking great time. You're a really good guy. You have a great family. You know, you're hearts in the right place and all of that's what fuckin' that's what these festivals do, I think. And it happens with industry people too. Industry people you think might sock cause of their face, who they represent.

And then like, hey, Bob, how you doing, big fan? Oh, thanks man, what's up? And you start talking to me, like, oh, this guy's not, this nice person. Yeah. Yeah, I don't fucking, I don't, I know how hard it is to get to these festivals. And I know the people that run them now,

and I understand that their choices, they're trying to do like an impossible thing. How do you pick the people that come this year? Who are the new people? How do you pick the old people? We'd love to have Alonzo Beaumont, a Billy Burr every year, but we can't. You know what I mean?

We have to bring this guy out. We have, it's a hard thing to do, man. People's families are gonna get hurt and all that shit. But I think it's great. And look, you see the show I was on. There was a million fucking people on it. That one was so long. Right?

Oh my God. They didn't do that in the past years though. I noticed that this year, that show in particular. But a lot of them, I was like, why are there already 12 comics on this lineup? Everyone's going at least a minute over. Of course, we're running late into the next show. Like last year in the year before, it was like six.

Was it the New York show? No, it was just a brand, you know, you know how they give them all whatever names. They call it Super Show. Super Show, yeah. Super Show should not be super. It should be good show. And I loved everyone on that lineup.

I mean, everyone was good. It was a great show, but it was also like, I love comedy, and these people are just regular people. How are they sitting through two and a half hours of? And the same, you know what happened, too, is sometimes it was the same exact crowd in the same exact venue. Yeah, at the same exact time night.

That's a festival, though, by the day last day. But you don't notice it. You don't notice that usually. I noticed it because it was the same. I go, you guys are the same front row as last night. They were like, yeah, like they were proud of it. Does it get in your head? Not mine, I don't give a fuck.

I don't mean, you know, I don't care. That will happen on the road. Because I'm going to bomb. What am I going to do? I already have an agent. I have management. I have a show. What are you going to do?

But still, what am I here for? You never know. You're never going to find a road. Some people come on a Friday and then they come back on like a Saturday. Love it. But part of you go, okay, let me do a whole new set. Yeah, I'm getting your head about that. So I don't really have that kind of act

where that's not a problem. I'm a fan. I never come back. I wanna hear what do you have to say about that? You guys, especially New Yorkers, more than Angelinos, but you guys getting your head about that so much because if they're coming back for a second time, it's like going to see the Rolling Stones. They want you to play all of the greatest hits

They want to see everything that made them last last night Because because of what we know how it works and how things build I was I was I was heckled and this has been actually a couple times But this guy was like I've already seen these jokes on YouTube and I was like, by who and he goes, by you. Yeah. I'm like, you can't steal from your stuff. I had one of the worst heckles like that, downstairs at the cellar, about three years ago.

I go on stage and I was SD going, boo. Got it. Yeah. It involved SD and it fucking threw me off so bad. I'm on stage and I just got this chunk to work that I was just opening with all over the city And so I'm opening it and it's fucking killing and then this girl gets up And there's just a moment where the with all the the fucking volume in the room goes down and I hear her Tour go yeah, no, I saw him last week and he did these jokes and she starts

She's like I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette and I was like what did you say and she goes? I've seen you do these jokes before and I go yeah That's how fucking comedy works and then she left and then Estee and Bill Mar walked in the room and I'm like You know, it's like do new shit. I got it, but yeah, and then I went through my set and I was like I know so spun around That's a moment in time and that's why you haven't been booked down real time I mean yeah, that's a moment in time that doesn't matter. One second in your career. Yeah, but as a comic, you tailspin.

You tailspin, but it's not a, that's as a human being. Yeah. A comic doesn't give a fuck, a comic's like, yeah, this is what I do. This is, yeah, I'm working on a new shit. Go fuck yourself. But not even to her. I was like, yeah, you heard it last week.

You're gonna hear it again tomorrow too. And if you see me at another club, you heard it again. And then when I go on the road and I film my special, it will be the first time those people here and then I'll move the fuck on. They don't understand. She comes to the clubs or goes to clubs and sees comedy and then probably brought her girlfriend.

We gotta go down to the tiny salad. I blew the door guy, he'll get us in free. And then she all I heard him last week, let me go, she doesn't appreciate it. That's true. She doesn't appreciate it. That's true. She doesn't appreciate comedy. To her, it's, you know, whatever, it doesn't fucking matter.

I'm gonna, who the fuck is gonna go smoke a cigarette during somebody, you can't wait an hour and a half to smoke a cigarette. You can't wait a fucking hour and a half, that's a crazy person. That's a person who doesn't give a fuck about creativity or art, she just cares about herself, she's self-indulgent.

I want a cigarette. I'm, I, I'm doing a last week, yeah, it's good. Fuck off. Goodbye. Fuck you. Are you, you guys worried about a periscope? Now with the whole, you can livestream, and they can get your act?

Well, I mean. Well, they can do it now, anyways. They can do that with YouTube. Yeah, and then they can just livestream the show. And then it's always there. It stays permanent. If, if you want it to live stream the show. And then it's always there. It stays permanent. If you want it to stay permanent for like 24 hours, for 48 hours.

And then it's deleted. And then it's deleted, yeah. But you could, you know, if you... It's up there, something I can take. Someone I can take it, yeah. I'm in the power scope is actually, I've been using it a lot to be honest with you. And I like it because...

HBO shut it down for the Mayweather fight. All right. People were getting in, that's what I'm saying. People were getting the power scope thing and the people were watching the Mayweather fight. People were getting in, that's what I'm saying. People were getting the paroscope thing and people were watching the thing with your paroscope. Yeah, I like it socially for us to do Q&A and I did the red carpet with it and it was kind of cool and everybody kind of liked it.

And like me and Liri were in the fucking limo and we just fucking answered questions and it was kind of, for promotional reasons, it's actually cool Yeah, I can see how that's fucked up, but I I think it's I think it's the next thing to be honest with you I mean all technology has good intentions. It's just how you use it. Yeah, yeah exactly like a fucking Ultron Yeah, exactly fucking Tony. Yeah, I mean it's better when you don't bring it up in the 11th movie With not mentioning it in the 10 movies previous,

but other than that, yeah. You are a nerd. Yeah. That's a beautiful nerd. Well, do you know how comic can, sorry Amy, go go go. As a kid, shouldn't all clubs just have a dampener? You know, like you should not be using your cell phone for any reason while you're watching a comedy show.

No, absolutely. I'm not talking about clubs, I'm talking about like theaters. You're playing theater. You could Live what do you need to recruit? What do you need to do in a theater with that exactly? But people it's a bigger people I might see it as much That bothers me the most about some kind of technology She's in there could be some kind of technology Oh, that just starts it off. Oh, yeah, you're gonna get that at the store

Like an EMB book hidden, but the ghost take care of it. You can't get soul signal there any but what about? I want to The store is a L.A. I'm from L.A. Originally I fucking love the store is the Austin of comedy clubs Okay overrated I'm tired of people telling me the store is good I actually think what is all of the answers opinions and like a sports call and show Shut up, I think I mean you know Biscante My literally just started speaking you just scream those all right. It was just in me

I know you're a male young Fuck yourself. Okay. Sorry. Go or Contents. Sorry, but I'm a great hair line. I'm a show coming out. Nothing happened. I'm gonna kill me. Nothing happening. Stop. There's nowhere going on. You have a movie. Can you believe it? You're telling them that I'm the new host of the UFC's? Hey, Nate. Russ just kills himself. What? He took Rogan's job. And you got two new shows on MTV Trends? Exactly. Do you have Guy Code 7?

Six, we're up to six. Trans Code. Six. It's a dad in. Trans Code. It's a stupid. Trans Code be cool. It's going to be a dad.

It's used to be a guy code. It's just Andrew figuring things out. I want to ask you a question. I think that there's a lot of heat right now coming on the comedy store and it's becoming this amazing, almost like the comedy seller west. Yeah. I know I'm serious. Okay, wait, Andrew, what's the last time you were there? It's playing live. Oh my god. Okay, Andrew, like I remember the last time I really knew you in LA and that was a while back. So first of all, they got in there like, no, I loved

him. We've been friends for like years now I legit I legit why I for comedy say it would have been fun if you went yep this is why I don't tell jokes thank you you keep it up you keep it up whatever you're doing I appreciate the support no but so they got a new booker is like the main thing of everything first of all so they got rid of this guy Tommy who'd been working there for a thousand years. It's fucking a little bit sick. Yeah, literally from another fucking planet. He looks so good. I auditioned there. I go up. I fucking kill. I walk up to him after. Hey man, thanks for taking the journey.

Yeah. Comedy, man. We're on the slide. And you know, the comics were going through this world together. And it's a beautiful thing. I go, dude, am I in or out? Cause I gotta get out. Cause I don't give a fuck. He, the only experience I had with him was when I did Conan the first time,

I showed up with Nate and Ari, and we're hanging out at the store, and I was drinking hard. And he goes, hey man, if you wanna hang out for like three hours, maybe I can give you up, I go, you got a half hour and two more Jamison shots before I am useless on that stage. And he goes, I get it. And then I

just went and got hammered in the back like an outdoor ball. He's gone. He's gone. Where'd he go? Well, back to his home planet. No, no, this is the craziest part of the whole thing. He is now running an open mic at a restaurant down the street on Mondays. At the same time, it's the comedy store open mic with this chick who used to be a waitress at the Comedy Store. And they put this crazy stuff on Facebook of like, there is no more comedy development at the Comedy Store. Come here so Tommy can tell you how good or bad you are.

We should all go. We should all fly out. Listen to me. We fly the fuck out. We go down there and we videotape him telling us how fucking shitty or good we are. And then we make a documentary that fucking crazy people from other planets. Yeah, Amy Amy just came from there. No good end stories in comedy No, he got out. He's out of the club and it's like no, but I want to come back

Yeah, and it's so crazy. It's a new guy. So your guy's name's Adam Egett. Adam Egett is Namsham. He's the Paul that knew bookers Adam E. Get is Namsham. He's the Paul that knew about this. He's not easy. No, I'm like, I'm like, and you really just take, just fucking has an opinion about everything. But I know nothing. He was actually angry.

No, it's not. Oh, I would be terrified if they were informed. Oh, no, I know nothing. I know nothing. I'm at what's called an ultra-septoparian or some weird shit? It's someone who has opinions about things that they don't know. It's like, it's like, Fogge doesn't stop me from having an other opinion. He just fucking wrote it right.

It's like Fox News meets Axe Body Spray. I will say this. First of all, Fox News. First of all, I find that opinions on Fox News way more interesting than any like liberal network because it's harder. It's way hard, it's like comedians, you gotta work, we gotta work to have the other opinion. And I feel like that's what Fox News is.

That's what Fox News is. Was that not it? No, we're on fucking the transitions are from Motherfucking Bruce Jenner. I'm gonna get it. Perfect time to comment down. That was the perfect fadeout. I want to say, who's this new guy?

Okay, so Adam, he's been working at the store for four, five years now as a manager. He was at the 10 p.m. prom before that. He works with Norm McDonald. Okay. He actually knows things. He leaves the comedy store. He, you'll see him at another show.

He understands where people fit. He's not gonna tell Arty Lang, who the fuck are you are you when he you show up to do a pop in you know like he which is something that happens it's weird because all LA comics yeah you might know me as Ann Moore on the moon type of comedy festival but all you animal it's like no but like that's an actual I picked that name on purpose because it actually happened Okay, if you stuck around for hour five of the Super Show you would have seen my work It's interesting because like LA comics especially all the ones that I talked to when I see them on the road or out here Now they talk about it like it's a bad neighborhood that's cleaning up now to like oh

Yeah, but they're like I'll come back back to the store. Come back to this. It's not as bad as you should come back. The gate of the end is a fucking coffee shop across the street. Guys, you can walk around at night pretty safely at the store. The other guy went back to where he belonged. The restaurant opened mics.

Yeah. It's fine. You know, I'm no, but it is cool because, you know, in the last, how's the Lafactory going? I mean, the Laf factory's got a gigantic marketing machine They're fine. They'll always have people coming in and out. They'll always have tourists and Hollywood douchebag What was that dang cook shit that I heard? Oh, yeah, yeah, that's bad. I'm the laugh factory. Yeah, you didn't hear about this what no, this is crazy shit

He got banned for life for some I heard the story last week for the first time and I was like, oh It's a day. We got a lot to talk about this. I don't know. I heard the story last week for the first time and I was like, ooh. Yeah, yeah. So Dane, are we not allowed to talk about this? Oh, I don't know. I don't call your fucking management. Right. You should. So Dane, you know, kind of has free run there. They call it the house that Dane built.

There's rumors that he's got like financial stake in it, whatever, which I don't know. Anyway, but he can drop in at any time and they let him just go for an hour and there's like a whole big thing a couple of years ago about it. Anyway, he drops in on this show and the manager says, but the show was being produced by Judd Aptow right? No, Judd Aptow was on. I don't think he produced it, but he was waiting to go on. He was up next. That's who Dan was. Oh, I thought it was like a charity event or some shit.

That's what happens when they spend a passion. I'm listening for this. I don't want to get anybody in trouble. I'm finishing. So he could do it. Abbot has fun. Like, Dan, you can absolutely go on this show. I'm worried about Dan, not to add Abbot to it. Yeah, I don't have no political affiliations in any of those. So it's just your another handsome comic. You're in trouble now. I got to have loud sleepers. So I'm sorry, but you got to keep it to 10.

We're going to like you. I know we don't usually do this. He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get's up on stage. They light him. He runs over. It's like 10 more minutes. They start flicking the light.

He just has a meltdown. He calls the manager a cunt from on stage. What was that? Wait, he melts it down when the light, so they kept flicking. And he's like, fuck you. Don't tell me when to get off after he agreed to get off Yeah, the the star of planes and planes to fire rescue Fuck you my kid loves that move

A couple planes So kid flies From a cool thing My my understand here and I have to get him, but at once I yelled at him he mailed him My understanding is what that was that they told him not to come by that night Specifically for this show and again, I don't know that might be part of it. That's the story I heard too I can tell them not to come by and then he he actually came by and forced himself on stage and then went over Of course himself. How do you do that? Well, I don't know

I'm pretty sure with his kind of juicy, I feel like, the other not mutually exclusive parts of the story. Okay, so real quick, so he on stage, what happens? So he comes to say, yeah, she was a woman. I believe so, yeah, it's what, yeah. And so, Misada just was like, that's it, you're done. You didn't listen to anything

and you absolutely cannot do that on stage in front of a surprise crowd, yeah. Body, body, you gone, body, body. Body. It's over body. No matter how you're giving body. I do a terrible act of it. So I couldn't do that.

Body, body, listen. No more, you get no more life at three bucks or shorts, body. I tell you, we all went away after Turghazam, Gary Mead, Jay, Dane, Jamie M. Sane James out of bad marrying when away to fucking wear a cobble We didn't rent this massive house on the beach. We all fly down there and by the way I got everybody a lab factory Swim trunks by the so we all put these on and we jump on the water. They're fucking white underwear You see everybody's pretty fat. The word the word laugh factory is written in marker. So everybody's now me you just see our decks and I'm hilarious. This is weird. Like what the fuck is that?

That is fucking hilarious. So he's but wait a minute that'd be like fucking Colin getting banned from the seller. Yeah, yeah, but I can't imagine calling me like Hey, I fucking who's up there Val you fucking cunt and you're like whoa he fucking lost it. Oh look I'm not saying it's not valid that what happened. I'm just saying I mean there's got to be more leading up to a you know There's gotta be things people don't know that man to get banned from your club is fucking crazy I mean the bumping out there is insane at the point that that's why I think people don't get paid well. Well the bumping out there is ridiculous.

I got bumped by fucking everybody. I was at the improv one night very excited. Ready to go. I got bumped by everybody. He's in the business. Who? Fucking Sandler. Seth, it was when they were filming that comic movie.

Oh funny people. Funny people. Funny people. All those funny people came in. I mean, every single person in that movie rolled in. Dane bought me. It was fucking nuts. I was just like, and they were like, no, you're going to go up at the end.

I'm like, no, I'm not. Yeah, bye. You're going to fucking go up for that self-esteem smash in. You're fucking fan fuckers. I know they're talking about my asshole. And I'm going to eat coast accent. Yeah, I think I'm aggressive. Yeah, I grabbed some fuck that

That's crazy. Yeah, but is this he now day was all out in the out off. It's no more day in on the outside I'm not a stupid. There's no there's no day in anywhere He doesn't owe a percentage in the in the company then apparently not If you own percentage you can be like no go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. Yeah. I love school. But he doesn't own like a bit apparently because you want to do a guy and you want it. You can tell.

You can tell him. That's my fucking insurance policy. When fucking, you know, I gave you 10%, there you go. I gave you a thank-you cook on a site. Honestly, at least on a snowball stops. So that's fucking no day. You know what I'm saying? Some people... How come I've never heard?

How come this is not out there? I don't know. I heard it for the first time last week at the table. Because I forget who was telling the story. They just got back from LA and they're like, they told it and I was like, what the fuck? But I heard a different story. I heard this similar story that there was a benefit

and they called them and they're like, hey listen, we have to keep it tight for time wise on this benefit. Can you please not combine tonight because we're just trying to get the people up and he like took that as like, oh I'm gonna go down there. That's the story I heard that he showed up

and was like, put me on and they're like, now we can't and then he went on and just did like an hour. Well now it's getting a little read. And that's exactly the same story. Then I heard he, no, literally three of his stories. They're truth lies, they're the same story. You think that you're much more ridiculous?

I know it's horrible. I know it looks fucking horrible. Thank you, I appreciate that. Oh my God, I love those two. Really? Oh wow, that's amazing. I get a lot of Instagram comments. He says that to a lot of people.

No, I got about how horrible my nose is. So this feels really good to be complimented. This feels amazing, thank you. Dude, listen. But no, I have a question. Do you think that he feels entitled? You have fucking stone wall art nose. I can't.

He has, he has, what did you say? He looks like a nickel, right? I got it. He looks like a Roman helmet. No did you say he looks like a nickel, right? I think he looks like a Roman helmet. No, no, he looks, he does look like him. Yeah, that's really good. I love it. Yeah, okay. Do you think that he feels entitled

because he performed at the Lafactory so many years for free pretty much, and he was a huge draw and they made millions of dollars off. Yeah, why wouldn't you? Yeah, I mean, is he wrong? Yeah, he's not entitled, that's just. Is he wrong to fit back at? He's not a benefit to them this whole time, I mean, is he wrong? Yeah, he's not entitled, does he? He's just... Is he wrong to fit that?

He's not a benefit to them this whole time. I mean, he kept them through the... So is he wrong? I have to feel that way. Did he put them on his shoulders? I see what you're saying. Well, I'm just saying, like, does he have... He made that place what it was.

Exactly, like, should he feel like he could go in on a benefit and say... Well, who made it like it was before him and before him? Nobody. Shucky, ducky. No, Shucky Ducky. I mean, this sounds mean, but isn't it also in some ways like his power and time has passed? Yeah. Well, no, everybody's power and time passes. Everything comes to an end. But doesn't he have the equity from that past time? I don't know if it's equity. If you, if you, you know, call somebody a cunt, you lose a lot of equity. Right. Now, if you, if you, you know, call somebody a con, you lose a lot of equity.

If you, if you don't get off when you're supposed to, even at the seller, you lose a lot of equity. There is a code that you have to, like, you know, there's a certain code. It's called being an adult, a human being, it's a whole. I feel like if he called someone a con, we would have known about it.

We like to call that guy code. I know, I think, I mean, we all have all these stories. You know what I was thinking about? We have all these stories about what happened. I think the truth lies somewhere in between. But in this, who said that you? That was Hawkeye. That was Hawkeye.

Who's a great fucking character? No, but that, in this age, where people blog in film and camera phones, and you know, Tasha's whole thing, if that had happened, I but that in this age where people blog and film and camera phones and you know Tasha's whole thing if that had happened I think that that would have been publicized in on someone's phone It's weird because there's nowhere. It's fucking nowhere up. It's all here said. It's the first thing I've heard since the internet came out where it's all here said. Well, it's funny that even this room right now We went boom bang, but I mean there's so many different stories in this room and

No idea what happened no, I mean, it's not public. It's not on a blog. It's not it's not anywhere It's all just it's like a is he working the the store is he working the improv? I think he's still doing the improv because he's there pretty regularly He already you know told the store to go fuck yourself like 10 years ago. No way. Yeah, but he's been coming, he and Polly had a thing. I mean, he's just going to start bumping all the comics it melt down. Yeah. But he actually did just come back. It's a whole joke.

It's a pretty big place. We don't know what melt down is. It's a very elegant joke. It's fucking huge. Yeah, I've been LAN 3 years. But back in the business. Massive though. I'm telling you.

I'm not gonna be. Where were you? I was gonna say, he'm not gonna miss it. Go where you at. I was gonna say, he actually came back to the store for the first time in like eight years, the day before that happened. He came and did, it wasn't a house show, it was Red Band doing desk-wad in the main room. And so he came and he was the drop-in for that.

And then, so I don't know, that was the last time I was in LA, so I don't know what's come of it since then. Wow. See, to me, the bumping, it's like when someone bumps and just works on shit, that's one thing, but when people bump and just do it hour because they can, it is kind of annoying. Look, man, look, we're in New York City,

and Chris, Si felt Louis coming in bump people, but it's always respectful. Exactly. I mean, Louis will go, do you, I've had Louis go, do you mind? Or he said that, yeah, but it's also material He walked in it's also the working on material. He'll do Brando's and then he'll get off he does the same thing. He'll go up and do As much new shit as he has I'm he's not going up and doing his fucking, you know his fucking greatest hits

I yeah, I would I will remember one time I was sitting on the stairs and Louis came in just right from outside and was like hey, can I go on and they're like yeah And then he looked at the line of and he looked at me and he goes are you next? I go yeah, he goes do you mind if I do a couple minutes? I was like oh you can do all the minutes No one cares about what the bullshit. I'm gonna do and that he went up and it was like you tell him the village was open Oh God that was years ago What you do I told that store on this podcast, but when I got drunk at the comedy village, and Joe List was hosting, and he's like,

fucking go get Louis. Louis will come by and tell him we're working. Tell the show's working. This is 2007, 2008. I'm hammered. I come up to the seller, Shaq actually lets me in to watch the show. Louis in the back hallway, he gets off stage, I go,

hey Louis, that was a great set, and I'm hammered. And he's like, thanks man, and I'm like, the village is working. That's the name of the club, the comedy village. And he goes, what? Then I go, the village is working. And he goes, he looks at me like this, and I go, I don't know what that means,

he goes, I don't know what that means either. And he is left, and I walk back to the comedy village and list is there, and he's like, so what's up? It's fucking Louis coming and I go, I told him the village was working. And this goes, what the fuck does that mean? And I was like, I'm gonna go upstairs. I just went up to get a beer at the bar.

I was like, I got a fucking ruin there. I'm gonna go in there. Oh, God, I forgot about that. Yeah. The villages work. That's great. I thought it was so cool. I thought I was using the comedy terms,

where I was like, the villages work. Even Chris, Chris when he comes in he does a lot of time sometimes. Yeah, but He's bombing. He's really literally working on new shit. I think that's very important. That should is brave Dude. Yeah, when that because you know people in the audience. I hear them going buddy. He's not that funny But that's funny. Yeah, that's how we get to it. Look at you fucking balance Yeah, and it doesn't matter if you ever do comedy again That's not that funny. That's not that funny. That's not that funny. That's not what you get to say. When you look at your fucking balance, and it doesn't matter if you ever do comedy again, it doesn't matter if three people on a Tuesday think you stink, because you're gonna,

in a year when it's fucking amazing, you're gonna be doing 3,000 people a night. You're right, you're right. He said the coolest thing one night while he was waiting to go up, he was talking about the difference between their comic strip and the seller, and about how different it was with the owners, like how Mani was here and how they were up there.

And he's like, you would come here and Mani would be like, I'll have someone watch your car, you can have a meal and you can go on stage whenever you want. And you can do your time and then you can leave. And he said when he'd go up to the comic strip that they'd be like, hey, can you leave a voicemail for like when people call? And can you do our podcast and Chris Rocco's I just did a free set for you. I get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to do stand-up comedy

And I sat there and I went he fucking does that's his that's what he earns and he did it for free And he's right. That's why he's going up there and just doing free shit for you people wonder why this club became popular with It's because of the comics it became popular with. Yes. The way they were treated. They treated us fucking amazingly. Manie was fucking intracole in that and fucking, you know, it was fucking great.

And when you came in, you felt like it was like a surrogate family and you got food and you got money and you got friendship and you got laughs and conversation and stage time But that's the thing even when they bumped you they still will go look We're gonna put you up. They would they wouldn't just go fuck you They'd be like listen, we know but yeah, he's here and they still do the next show We'll give you can still go up Alicia or whoever's managing go back. Here's your money Yeah, do you want to wait and go on the next show? You can go first on the next show and you're like thanks that yeah I just won't stage time but it's amazing to me when I go on the road and you work all these great clubs that everyone

says they're great like comedy on state and Madison or like the comedy, attic and Bloomington or Acme and Minneapolis, all these clubs, they all have the same thing where they're like, it's so fucking good because of how they treat you. And I don't understand why every club makes the difference. Yeah, why every club doesn't understand that if you just treat the comics well and put comedy first as the number one priority, you're gonna build a very successful club. I think so, yeah.

Well, that's what is becoming out of it now. Yeah. I think back in the 80s and 90s, it was, let's build these places and just, throw anybody up. Throw anybody up, get food. We'll always have comedy here, and it'll be like a like a bar with dark but the club you like that

but the fucking bar nothing else you got oh do let's go down they have darts and karaoke but the thing was back then opening a comedy club was like a dark too it was just every fucking city had tons of them there were comedy nights everywhere. And what stuck, stuck, and what died, died. I think the two things that I'm always like, oh my god, whenever a club doesn't do it is when a club doesn't serve food, and when a club doesn't have a check spot, when they're like, oh, we do the checks after the show,

and then we change it over, and you're like, what? They care about you. Yeah. Here's the fucking crazy thing. Real quick, just to clarify, you were saying that's a good thing. That's the best.

It means the show's gonna be great. It's, you're saying that's a good thing. That's a good to pass. It's that it means the show's gonna be great. You're gonna pay me thousands of dollars. Yeah. To come to your town. Fly me and put me up a nice hotel. And then in the middle of what I do, you're going to fucking make people do math. Yeah. And you're gonna take them right out of it. Yeah. So the end of fucking Avengers right at the end. Yeah. When you don't know which way it's gonna go, you're gonna fucking just drop checks and make people pay for everything and send a waiter in and then they never fucking loud out. They don't have fucking noise. Oh my god. Look, Ultron's fighting vision. Did we get the mozzarella sticks? Yeah, it's

insane because you're almost on this like perfect flight and you're like this is such a great flight and then it's like a fucking tailspin and they're like pull out of it, pull out of that shit. And here's the deal, we don't know how to do it. Here's how you do it. You don't drop the fucking checks, you need a stamp receipt to leave. Come, you know what I mean, that's it.

And not only that. Can't leave. Start the show half hour early if you need to clear the room. Yes. Just take a half hour. Stop doing 10, 30 shows. Yeah. Do a 9 30 show, 9 45.

Give yourself 15 fucks. I host at the stand sometimes. It makes all the difference. It does. And it's like, you look at the stress factory, you look at all these clubs that don't do it. Yeah. And then at the end of the show, you're like,

that was fucking awesome all the way through. And then like, why is everyone still here? They're like, oh, they're paying their checks. And you're like, oh, fuck, I didn't have the deal with that. Yeah. So. Go to the chat real quick. We're like, oh, fuck, I didn't have to deal with that. Yeah, so. Go to the chat real quick. We're gonna wrap up right now.

Go to the chat, my chat. I should get about your chat. Go to my chat. Read what's the top. Read it. John Corey says, I bet many had second thoughts about giving Bobby free food. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. That was, first of all, funny. Yep. Not too wordy. Yep. Not too wordy. I thought it was really good. Bravo. Bravo. That was a good one. There you go, Corey. There you go, Corey. Take that to your fucking wife. He liked it. They left

Adam of England says man, I got here late. The misses is watching 50 shades and I'm watching you hairy apes Thanks buddy. Well that first comment was great Sorry Comment was great. Whatever you got Sorry, give me one second. I have no idea. I'm so I was so caught off guard Billy G. She Billy G has a message for Andrew. He says don't forget to say hashtag guide code after your sentences. I did say that you miss it I'm one step ahead buddy. I code All right guys listen this has been a fucking great show What are you? What are you? Raven you wave me hands for a depot? You get another one. Uh, did you have another one? No, I don't then what's the hand thing?

What'd you go? What'd you give up? I'm sorry man? I my hands are they're involuntary sometimes they just kind of flail around and uh oh Yeah, you feel like it sounds like you're being questioned by a police officer and you clearly did something illegal that was just one of the times I was like walking around for it and I was like what the fuck I was pissed because you know I usually have good things lined up but I was kind of changing cameras and stuff that's that whole tiger mom gene

where his mom berated him into this so now he's like I didn't do a job Thanks John crystal. Yeah, thank you buddy. Yeah, listen. I want to thank everybody Original drawing this has been a great show What do I hate side talk I hate side talk. Ooh. Oh, cock suckers. We're not at a fucking comedy club.

We're live. I can hear you. You know what we should do? We should do a fucking Andrew. You fucking cock suckers. You're just in your own world. That was my full excited. I'm sorry.

I got excited by the first time we talked into the mic. I know it's right now. You're telling me to talk to the mic when it's side-convo with you. Yeah. We should do a little Easter egg called Side Podcasts, where we were corded, and then you you're like what was that side conversation like if you want to know Download the side podcast We're Dan interviewed Andrew

You should know better I should What was that side combo you had in the beginning though? That was a great combo Oh, I was wild. I was it? Maybe for another podcast. I don't know, that's kind of a long story. I can't believe. Did you blog about this yet? Are you blogging about what? No, yeah, I'm about to ruin all of your careers though.

You mean 45 minutes. About the inculcant. You can't kill what's already dead. Oh, the day I'm not. You need to have it. No, I didn't blog about it because I have a lot of feelings about why not to do that. I mean, I'm not part of the problem. I'm part of the solution.

I try not to be ruining people's careers. And also, the reason that we haven't heard about it is because of the way LaFactory does marketing. That's the reason you did hear about Tosh and things like that. And I like those people, and I like that the brain comedy, and if they, I mean, I just told it on a podcast, but it's not in print, you know, like people hear it and laugh, and that's fine.

That's right. I'm not gonna like be like, hey everybody listen to this thing that's kind of unsubstantiated, and there and that's fine. I'm not gonna like be like, hey everybody listen to this thing that's kind of unsubstantiated and there are three different versions. At least you're honest that you didn't know the exact version. Yeah.

Well that's fucking crazy. So if we learned a lot of things, the Avengers age of Ultron way better than the original thing. Right? That heavy breathing is Michael. It's the good thing you have an aneurysm, Jesus. Thank God I have hair to cover my face We learn that Dan and Andrew loves side talk. Yeah

You know what else dude You know what else did that's fucking perfect No, we'll have you guys both back on together soon Yeah, dude, it's been a great show. I really appreciate you guys coming. Thanks for having me Very very, very, thank buddy. I want to thank You guys, well, let's go around do some plugs. So what do you got? I go to comedy groupie.com It's comedy groupie on all the social and also the intera bang.com. I write for them to okay What's the latest thing on your comedy groupie? What should we read? Well, what would you send me to because I want to go to it

What would you send me? I mean, I think enjoy the April 1st What would you send me to because I want to go to it. What would you send me? I mean, I think enjoy the April 1st Minus people in comedy if you get it. That's hilarious. If you know what's winking the whole time. Okay cool And what do you got Michael? I got the Montreal brunch club on May 22nd and I'm What's the what it's the name of the show they did big J last week last month. What is it? I just know that that's the name of the place. I think brunch club. In Montreal? Yeah.

So you go to Montreal. Yeah, two shows. Two shows. Yeah. Is your name on the poster? Yes. But below and more. And then I'm opening for Chris Hardwick, June 5th in Philadelphia.

So how great is his show after dead? After the walking dead? Talking dead? Yeah the Walking Dead? Talking Dead, yeah. Talking Dead, I love that show. He's so fucking good that guy. He's great too, yeah. Super funny, yeah.

For you man, what do you got Danny Boy? I'm going to be in Rochester, New York at the comedy club. Rochester, Rochester, 14. You know that for Brother Wee is. 14th through the 16th and then I'll be at Helium in Portland, the 21st through the 23rd. Awesome. Love that club. What do you got? I'm gonna be at in Austin lovely Austin Clean New Orleans clean New Orleans the 23rd through I think the 26th of making public apology

No, no public apologies. I'll stand by my statement listen to this podcast in Austin. I hope they do come to the shows It will be a lot of fun. We're good Socks when I was in comedy connection. I thought there was gonna be a fucking riot. Yeah, you don't want to do that, but it was good. It was fun What the hell the will be you mean? No the comedy connection. That was years ago No, it's in Providence for now. Those guys are fucking great. Yeah, yeah, love those What a great love I think cool. I like that Last time I was there at a blast. Yeah, there were real good. I'm kidding the basement. I didn't know there was a basement There's a big

The green room is a cool green room. It's a screen. No, no, it's a fucking vault. It's a wrong kid in the basement. I didn't know there was a basement There's a bird but it's pretty cool. It's the green room is a cool green room. It's a screen. No, no It's a fucking vault. It's a vault. Yeah, inside of all but the club is fucking great. It's great Everybody works a great the Corey Corey and Dave Dave His girlfriend didn't like me. They give a walk. I walked up. I was like, hey, she was like I love it Patriots were playing the Ravens in the playoffs on Saturday night and I love it. I go, I go, I go. Hey, so what I go. Patriots were playing the Ravens in the playoffs on Saturday night and I walked in and I go, hey, we're not gonna start the show to the fucking games over, right?

He goes, fucking, of course. Like, yeah, I got, oh, thank God. And then they won and he's like, we're gonna give him five minutes to enjoy the celebration. I ended up doing like 30 minutes on the first show and it was awesome because they were just like, fucking patriots. But I know so many clubs that would be like, we're gonna start right at eight o'clock. And I walk in a Korean day of them, I and it was awesome because they were just like fucking patriots! But I know so many clubs that would be like we're gonna start right at 8 o'clock

and I walk in a Korean day of them like I think it was Korean I was like hey we're not gonna start right now right? You like what? When we did the Wilbur wasn't the Red Saxon the play- No someone was in the playoffs and oh the Bruins the Bruins were in the playoffs at 8 o'clock and the show was going on That's too That's usually when my gigs are

Yeah the Bruins are in the playoffs They're all in his shit Yeah, and shit mother daughter father week at the college Fucking great Nobody really got this no, I gotta be those are the shows I get it's just any holiday weekend Like yeah, let's put them up. Thank you, but hey, I appreciate man Maybe if you guys check out my podcast I do a podcast called brilliant idiots with a buddy mine And I'm charlie main the god and you check it out great. I've actually heard a lot about it. Okay Hopefully good great podcast and without you gonna million shows

I'm doing some stuff on MTV, but yeah, yeah, so and then just yeah check out the podcast In very soon you got great news coming out. Hopefully, yeah, my big movie star about to happen. I don't know soon you got great news coming out hopefully yeah big movie star about to happen I don't know man we got yeah he pulled it in a wibble then too double pet needs a teacher all right well of course we got me yeah before we get to that we can go to this t-shirt in the back

let's uh... no it's on me you got it oh shit We got me. Yeah. Before we get to that, we can go to this t-shirt in the back. Let's... No, it's on me. Oh, you got it. Oh, shit. Stand up. Let them see. Stretch it out a little bit.

They go. You're going to ridecast.com. We'll go to my website and we have these t-shirts available. Robert Kelly live from the village on the ground. You can pick them up for, I think it's like 20 bucks or something like that. And also you can get the half, my hour special, half hour, half hour comedy special, my double-duse, my hour's comedy special, Robert Kelly Live

from the Village on the Ground, at robbacayolive.com, five bucks, minimum donation. Make sure you spread the word about that, tweet it, Facebook it, tell your friends, get the special, grab a t-shirt, and where's my dates, what do I got coming up? Next weekend, 14, 15, 16th, Lafaystin. It's not next weekend, is it? You are today's the fifth, this weekend will be the seventh and eighth.

Wow, and then the next one. Life is flying by. And you're gonna be with me. Yeah. Scopo's coming and Stavros This guy was ha kitos fantastic. I scopos are killing by the way in the middle spot You know, I remember I told them a year ago get your shit to get get funny So I could take you and he really stepped on it did shows every night at shit clubs

Which still there some people? Comics complain dude. How do you get out of the shit clubs? You will because you'll get funnier and then you'll have an opportunity and you definitely killing you there. Some people, comics complain, dude, how do you get out of the shit clubs? You will because you'll get funnier. And then you'll have an opportunity and you're definitely killing it. You killed it with me last time. You killed it with, uh, Kill with Lewis. Lewis? Yeah. Shultz takes me. Yeah, let me say it. It sounds weird when you're saying you killed it. Sorry. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, yeah, he's doing great man. Absolutely killing you say great, but that's cool. He's been killing okay June 18th the 50 West Club in Salt Lake City. Yeah, that's gonna be fun. Is that near

Tritodon? Oh, let's get back to this gig. Laf Boston Friday Thursday Friday Saturday. It's a brand new club that I'm playing. I usually do the Wilbur Which I love those guys, but you know these guys I'm just trying something different, you know I just wanted more than one night in one show To have you know to do it. I you know you do we got four shows five shows One Thursday two Friday two Saturday, so Make sure you check that out. It's gonna be a great weekend spread the word get your tickets now and then I'm gonna be where? 50 West Club in Salt Lake City that is June 18th and and then you're gonna be in New Haven. Yeah, June 27th at the Treehouse

Yeah, Bort Haven and don't forget to watch Louis every Thursday. I did my one last week And I think I'm on this week too if you listen and live this Thursday I have another appearance and then I mean I think two more so you're a real actor man Dude, this is you're like a real actor I'm sure to talk about this at the beginning. This is no and more shit You know to me this is real you probably more acting credits on everybody else on that list You got the TV show coming out? Yep.

Regular on Louis. Yep. This is bullshit, man. No, you're a real fucking thessbian or whatever, you know? I'm being dead serious. You're really fucking explaining your podcast name very well, right? Listen, I don't know shit! Alright, I admit I don't know shit, but I feel like I know this.

Well, thank you, man. I appreciate it. It's hard to get on TV. People don't realize shit, but I feel like I know this. Well, thank you, man. I appreciate it. It's hard to get on TV. People don't realize that, especially acting. You know what I mean? This is not like a VH1's best-week-ever thing. We're like, any, the let anybody on. This is acting.

This is fucking difficult to get on TV, man. It is, by Danny. He's later, let you keep going the whole time. I'm not boasting. This is for real. Yeah, in the microphone. Damn it. Ah, fuck you, I'm not. It isn't, man.

Make sure you go to Robert Kelly Live. If a compliment isn't spoken into the microphone, does it mean anything? No, it doesn't. For all my dates and my special and teacher, all Robert Kelly needs are there. And go to radcast.com and check out all the shows we have. Amazing shows.

It's the best network on the fucking internet right now. I guarantee it. Hammer fisting, Bailey J. Jersey jerks, mad scientists. My wife hates me. Weird medicine. Why are you sucking bad? Jim Florentine. We got Pete and Sebastian.

We got Nick DePolo. We got Davey Mack's sports program. And of course, YKWD. It's an amazing network. and it's all free. So check out all the shows in the network. Do yourself a favor. I want to thank all you guys for being on my show today. It was a blast and I want to thank you people listening live and all you people downloading

the podcast to the best fans ever. Thanks a lot. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And they're all free, and they're all free.