Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Art Lamp

Episode Date: September 14, 2015

This week on the YKWD podcast Bobby, Scopo and Deepu welcome Keith and Chemda from the popular Keith and the Girl podcast, who are in studio promoting their comedy tour. Also, on the show is comedian Stavros Halkias, and artist/comedian Jason Chatfield! Wil Sylvince shows up out of nowhere with a very special "Gift" for the studio. Then we get a visit fromYannis Pappas as well.    RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Estás listo a Robert Kelly? ¿Qué es, ¿qué es, dude? En la network riotcast.com. ¡Vamos a ver, vamos a ver.

A la mejor cara de la pared. En la plana de la pared. Yo siempre intento estar como un caminete. Yo me encuentro a ustedes. I love going to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. I always try to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on it. It's just us sitting down and sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's intense. No topics of direction. I love doing it.

This podcast has no rules. Can I get a microphone? I'm sure I've already said so there's re-crev- It's rubber killing. You know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? I know what dude! I guess I'm like a chestnut.

I guess I'm tied! Ah! I'm tied! Welcome everybody. To a very special late night edition. Oh yeah. You know what to. It's a 9 o'clock version. Let's give him the lights and fucking.

Kiss. What's up? People get on. Mmm. Let's give him the lights. Oh this is nice. What's up with that light? Yeah, there we go. Oh, there we go. Night time, why can't it be a... Oh, my shit. Little night time.

Look at it. Oh, yeah. There we go. Oh, there we go. Night time, why can't it be a... Oh, my shit. Little night time. Look at it.

Oh, yeah. There we go. It's the HBO edition. Oh, we have candles. Bring them out, girls. Where's my hair room? All right, we have a very special edition. Of course, we have Keith and the girl here tonight, which is always a special guest when

we have you guys get to come out. The podcast of all podcasts. Thank you. It does. A podcast is pretty cool. We have Stavros, my little baby boy, my adopted Greek. So flaky. That's good.

That's good. Thank you. And we also have my pal Jason. Hey, uh, instead of comedian, uh, aka fabulous comic book artist. Right. Unbelievable. And good friend. Friend of mine now. We have Deepu, the mad fucking scientist. Yo, uh, with a yellow hairy ass for some reason. Neil before it. And take a whiff. Kind of makes you want to do it. That's five.

Your confidence. Your Indian confidence is fucking overwhelming. You're so easy. And then we have Chris Scopo, spelled with a D. Lovin? I don't know if I'm dumb. No, I know. You're not.

I'm going to lay off the dumb stuff for you, Chris. Thank you. If you stop being dumb, is that cool? That's tough to do. Yeah, there's a thing with Chris. He's not really dumb. He's very smart in specific shit. You know what I mean?

Baseball. You have to talk to him in that language. That's actually, yeah, baseball. Baseball. Baseball, he is like a rainman. Yeah. Really, really. Yeah, it's like baseball or like, you know,

guy, that guy a guy guy shit. You don't even know what guy shit is. You just keep your eyes shut. Because I'm not really that guy guy. You know what I mean? I do a lot of guy shit and I grew up with five uncles that were guy guy shit but I was never, I swear to God, I relate to Katelyn Jenner.

I was different inside. I'm like, are you telling out, Bobby? No, I'd be a fucking awful woman. No, you're like the bus and curber, baby. You're keeping me. Did you imagine if I came out as a transgender? I transgender. Yeah, what?

Oh my god, I could see you in a wig right now. Absolutely, that's what I'm thinking. What could you, oh, fabulous. It would be such a fucking nightmare. But it'd be a beautiful nightmare. For some dressmaker. Oh no, you're making me laugh. You could get sponsored by Lane Bryan, I think. That's not nice to say. It's not. Plus you could be the first person to play. I don't know what Lane Bryan is. What is Lane Bryan? It's laughed for no reason.

It's a plus-sized romance. It made sense. That's an odd warning. That doesn't fit in the whole thing. That's an insult I'll just laugh. It's lame. It's a plus size woman's clothing show. I want to go there with a fucking flip cam. You've definitely done more than one gay role. Like I can see a wig. I've done, let me see how many gay roles.

You did just give a chef a hand job while eating ribs. That's not gay. That's not gay. That's not gay. That's not gay. That's committed. But also being friends, gender is not gay. That's true. It's not gay. In train wreck, you were very committed. I was gay. I was gay. And the first role, the first, I moved to New York City. I got a phone call from this guy, Matt Frost. He said, I love your acting real. Your comedy is okay. It goes, if. It goes, if you ever move to New York, I'd like to try to represent you.

I book comedy gigs, but I want to become a manager. He was with Barry Katz at the time, New York entertainment. And I remember, I met with him and I met with Barry, and I remember Barry going, I'm not gonna work with you. And I was like, hi, I good. But this kid got me this audition. I booked it for a movie right out of the gate.

Wow. I go in for the Italian. Did that make you cocky? Well, I went in for the Italian Andrew Dice thing, you know what I mean? And it was, oh shit. We got Wilson. He brought his penis. I knew it was pointy and had a wick at the end. I just knew it. I don't know what fucking Haitian float did you

Is that where you came here on nothing? All right What is it man? Get out of here. That's a land. What are you doing that at him? He doesn't know no will get out of here Thank you very much What else do you do with your barehouse? There's a plug no one on the podcast knows what the fuck's going on We have a camera. We have a camera right here. We have in the camera get that. Yeah, we got it. Yeah Beautiful. That is the worst lamp I've ever seen in my life

It's the best time to present this It is just wood. There This is wood with a little Bro, is there any way right here? I did no one can hear you well. You're not on a microphone. No everyone can you get on a microphone over here, please Get over there get over there dumb dumb We were just talking about how we you weren't coming on the show But now you're on the show. Thank you, Liz.

Thanks, Liz. Thanks for fucking sabotaging my show with a weird fucking star track light. Now, what am I? It matches this room, man. The red, the freaking. That's about it. That's top right there.

That's it. The ambient. The what? Oh, ambiance. You're looking for ambiance. The what? Ambiance. That's the ambiance.

Now, don't put the rule in this room, you never help him with a working. You understand that? How you gonna learn, you're a, if you get fucking, I said, a little fucking nerd comic from Baltimore and helping him. I said, ambiance.

No, you didn't. You said ambiance. No, I did not say sleeping people. Anyway, take back. Take it back. Take it back. This isn't fucking, uh, Lornol. WKRP and tape back. I'm playing the tape back. This isn't fucking... Lauren O.W. KRP and Cincinnati.

I have no tapes. Like nothing. All right, next one. I'm like, where's the Hacker Sheep? Where the Hacker sheep in on the show? It's right there. By dropping hit bombs on the show. Nobody knows.

Well, so far you. Just here. Will, can you lighten your skin? We can hardly see you. Oh. Listen, no, he really... Take your skin? We can hardly see you. Oh Listen, no, you said that take that. You're gonna take your Slightly let's do that. I'm not kidding. We don't have the Raises Chocolatey skin doesn't come up to see my face. I'm not I supposed to be here

I put the lamp put the hat up a little bit a little more a little more a little more right there right there. We're good That's it. That's all we need well. Did you really build that lamp with you? I did man. Who who's that? When did you build it though? All your white guys sound like I can't tell who's that? Well, did you really build that lamp with your spare hands? Well, you answer the question Will. I'm building up. Can you tell me what type of Like you look like a mini Bobby Kelly Stop screaming the microphones work all right if you ran out of money. Thank you look like Bobby Kelly doing really bad What what about me says doing really bad? Everything.

Every glasses or not. I'm not a glass of Crockett. You know, he writes for, I'm gonna give a damn if he writes for Jesus. Do you write for Jesus? I did the Matthew that gospel that was me. Sweet gig, man. That's great.

I love that one. He actually, he's the showrunner for was, for two and a half men and two broker. What is the showrunner? He don two and a half men and two broke girl. He don't write possible black people That's Haitians. He only writes parts for people in twos. That's right. Yeah true To bitches and that was very fast by the way and deserve more, okay? Delivery was perfect too. He didn't fucking spit it out. You went to so it was great fucking great You all right, he quite the The black guy into and a half girls. The black guy.

I brought two broke girls. The black guy. Do this for people in the cast. He's not casting them. I'm writing. I wrote them all black. They changed it. I wrote it as an old black girl.

It was too blacko. I wish I could be racist. Two broke. Hold on. We know he's trying to do it. We know he. You said you wish he could be racist. Right, that's something you have to wish for.

Some people wish for the good old days. Not on this network. That's what the offer right, that's not right, guys. That's racist. Racist cast. So anyways, before you thank you for the lamp, can I just be honest with you? For example, you don't like the police Keith. I will ask you to go out. I'll thank you for the lamp? Can I just be honest? What's wrong?

You don't like that? Please Keith, I want to ask you to go out of the lamp. I'll tell you why it's weird, we're right away. We brought you guys a lamp. Yeah. That's a weird thing. Bobby, I didn't want to make it sweet. It's just a little smaller version of that lamp.

It's just that. I left it downstairs. I hope it's still there. It's ridiculous. But the way we all said it last week was a desk lamp that you could just put it on the desk That was your limited imagination thinking This lamp belongs in fucking Superman's cave

I don't know you're leaving it now. I'm keeping that we're gonna all fucking sign your lamp Everybody that comes in is gonna sign the fucking lamp. All right, that's what we're doing and then we're gonna raise money for Haiti at the end of the year We're gonna sell it on on eBay and we're gonna find it for Haiti. How's that so that's a joke buddy? I'm serious not for Haiti, but for American cars. But listen, I'm not. Well, Ray's, but you want his Haiti. Yeah, that's a great cause. What are they still in trouble? No, I mean, Sean Penn came back.

Are they still racist white people? Does white cloth still want to do shit there? Right. Yeah, does white cloth, is he making watches now or is he in hate? What is that? Yo, it is watch Took it too far I took it too far Yeah, he doesn't have an accent like that. Yeah, that was Dante

I like to type I tell guys how to pimp the chick show Can you do my favorite accent please? What's that you know I can't do that I do it on my body length no I do on the length I can't do that. I do it on my own. No, I do on my own. I can't do it. Oh, and the bus will be out. Another car. We get a key in the girls on it. You see, it's really, maybe it's a tough Israeli guy.

It's already lying. I can't do it. What's good, you man? Just do it. I'm a black guy and a Jew and a fucking other Jew. I agree. He's like a fucking on the family episode. I got it.

That's great. That's very... You're just a whole show and ony-lang, man. Well, I'll actually just go listen to Arty Langley. That exists. He's actually... He's way funnier. That's true.

That's true. What the fuck? I can't take that away. Here's the problem with the lamp. And I'm going to acknowledge this. We're going around the room. And please give me your honest answer. All right.

The lamp part of it doesn't really help me. Yeah. Like hang on. OK, it's an art. OK, just call it art. Don't call it a lamp. If you walked in and said I made this art piece for you, I would be like, holy shit, man.

Thank you so much for the triangle. It's light. But you so much for the triangle But you called it a lamp. It's not a fucking lamp. I think the definition can somebody look that night light. I messed up On your phone. It's an art. It's an art. It's a piece of artwork. Okay. It's a piece. I'll take art I'll take art. I'm not a lamb. I never sick lamb. You literally said lamb. I said I said Let's go WKRP reverse that Let's go for house. What is that? That's a little Workshop

So is this gonna trash a lamp day If you didn't say it was a piece of art he was go like oh shit. There's a little light from the bottom Yeah, he would have been a I would have been a rock thankful Bobby. He's not that smart Maybe this is a lamp like in Haley This lamp belongs on a fucking a planet on Star Trek the old one This is it's the light Who's that you doing? I'm doing a fucking spot Because apparently you didn't know his way to chat.

There I'll go for Spock. I don't understand. You didn't first of all, you didn't make any sort. You took all the laying at Spock. Uh-huh. Captain, it's not logical. It's not logical. That's not God.

It's not logical. Oh, yeah. It was fucking alien, you fucked her. She's green. And, you know, I mean, with the way you're going to get some type of herbies or something. When I was You know, I mean with the way you're gonna get some type of herbies When I was on Howard I fucked a green bitch. You know the green I was just fucking on heroin Anyway, we'll be right back fucking national fucking shit on lamp day with you Got me me a triangle lamp with fucking Haitians crazy

Watch it say why don't you go make some houses and you're fucking home town, so you're fucking making white people land. Wow. Wow. Do the whole show, shut the fuck up, no. Stop repeating yourself, listen. Maybe this is the conversation piece.

It is a con, there's a giant triangle. It's a giant triangle. It's a giant triangle. Yeah, I mean, you know, next time if you bring a giant triangle to somebody's house, you'll understand the effect. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't get it. Take your time.

Take your time. I mean, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't get it. It's a piece of artwork. Look, look, look, your pockets in your shirt, they, I don't get it. They're the whole thing. They're the whole thing. They're the whole thing. They have function. They have function. They have in. They have function. They have function.

It's a high do nipples. That's about it. First of all, anyways, what were we talking about before? Yeah, we'll just keep it here. Just completely hijacked the show. That's called real hijacked. Nothing, man. I bought it in a nice piece of hot hijacker on the African coast.

I bought it in the captain's hat. You look like you're about to storm a ball. My good friend, we're fine, super funny. Thank you. I just want to ask downstairs, are you questioning on the corner? Buddy, I want to captain now. You look like you're about to storm a moral friend. Why find it super funny? Just take it easy. I just wanna let him stay. Are you questioning around the corner? Buddy, I wanna say something. I really love you, man. And I know your heart's deep.

Shut up. I really... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll take the money right now. I'm not going for the bonus room. I'm sorry, bye. That was all right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I know all your jokes. I know your rhythm. I know your rhythm. Buddy, apparently you don't know my taste. It's so sexy the way you guys talk to each other. Buddy, there is definite tension in the room. I really want to take that home and bring it in and I just want to hear my wife go, no. But will knew my rhythm.

I want to, I want to impale someone with it. That lamp, that lamp is going to go in the corner and everybody will sign it. Is that okay if people sign it? I think it's not. And then at the end of the year, we'll wrap up. Who's going to sign the first? You, don't, I got something.

Because you made it. You got to sign your artwork. He's like, I want nothing to do with it. It's ridiculous. That's why he's giving it artwork. He's like I went nothing to do with it That's why he's giving it away. I want to really get down I don't believe you made it just for me. I'm a fucking think you a fucking driving by Jersey City Some fucking some fucking like old disco lady Clean another house. You can't afford a fucking house anymore. It's in the clock

I made for Patrice mom. Oh shit, you're gonna bring Patrice up. Okay, no, I did. I'm saying it's right. Please tell me if it's a fucking trying. Is that no? Is that a reclack? A triangle clock. Is a clock of Patrice I made for his mom?

Are you having a stroke? He's making fun of you. Are you having a stroke? Are you having a tinny attack? I want to call Patrice's mom right now. There's more on the phone. I was gonna try and go call.rice's mom right now. There's more on call. I was just trying to go call. Your phone's over there.

No, he's got, he ain't got no more minutes on his phone. No. We ran out of eight, nine, nine, nine minutes. What is it now? Can you go to the Skype on the computer and see if that's up? See if the Skype stuff, we have an account on that. Skype caller from that, so we can all hear.

He's bringing up minutes. Like it's a duxa has. I know. Anyways, this want this is very Hang on a second. This is he said what? Call it right now. Why don't we all speak? We want we want everybody to hear I got to speak it though. Are you okay? I don't think sketch gonna work on that We got to sign in and stuff. I forget it. Yeah exactly. That's what I'm talking about

I want to do a chat real quick time have that what face time if you want to see it because if it goes to the computer everybody Years everybody and everybody can hear our feet everything she says. Yeah Are you kidding me Oh Bobby, it's not that good Are you calling? No, I'm calling to Steve Steve who? Steve yes, I'm calling a dummy as she aren't put the mic put the phone to the microphone Speakers on the phone to the microphone. Yeah, that's what the speakers on the back of the phone. Hey, miss O'Neil. How you doing? First of all before you say anything crazy

Nothing crazy about white people, so no, I got I got a bunch of people that's listening to you So so tell her it's me. I'm not a bunch of people you ask Robert Kelly about that. Oh, you can Say it again It's Robert Kelly he's at his worst. So you're even tell her you're on my podcast. I'm on Robert Kelly's podcast Getting her in trouble at work. What's the pop can I talk to her please can I talk to her all right listen Hi, honey, how are you I

I'm good. I need I'm sorry, Baba. I'm you're absolutely right. I'm a piece of shit and you're right. I'm I'm I suck Is this another one question? People become the old day about this fucking lamp. Yeah, I'm gonna Excuse me is somebody Georgia is called the right now. Georgia is somebody breaking in. Why is the dog freaking out? Are you okay? I'm gonna keep rolling. Excuse me. Is somebody, Georgia? That's called her right now. Georgia, is somebody breaking in? Why is the dog freaking out?

Are you okay? No. The dog can smell meat. Listen. Listen, Georgia, I want to ask you something. Where's the nearest pop-up? Georgia, I want to ask you something. Okay.

All right, can you shut that dog up? No, I'm kidding. It's Will and the artist. No, we'll just, we'll set he gave you a clock. We made you a clock. Okay? He made me a clock. Now that's not the question. The question is he made, he made me a lamp. Okay, now does it, does your clock look like he got it like from a time machine in the future?

Might as can be mean about this when the doorbell rings on the TV, she's retarded. Ah! She's retarded! You can't use that word anymore, Georgia. We're on TV. You say doorbell on the plasma. That's a challenge. Very challenge.

All right, listen. So you like, can you please text me a photo of the clock that he made for you? It was just between his face. It's Patrice's face? Yes, I call Patrice's face out. It's been created. It's a beautiful plot. All right, well, he just walked in with a four and a half foot triangle.

Yeah, but she sounds like she's talking about a challenged person. You understand that? It's a triangle. It's a three-dimensional triangle lamp with a red light at the bottom. That's it. Thank you. Thank you.

I got the clock. Sorry. All right. Well, listen. No way to make it down. Oh, shit. Yep. So are you taking a moment you like the lamp? It's not a lamp. It's definitely not a lamp. Listen Yep

It's not a lamp. It's definitely not a lamp. I don't like if I needed to read I would not like this lamp if I wanted to kill a hooker in 1987 I would love this lamp judge Robner at seven. It's definitely not like oh, it's yeah like robber d'Anner. should be blowing a guy next to this that's still nineteen eighty seven o'clock it doesn't think of hang up and up on a high i listen i'm gonna call i'm gonna try to call you back on skype in a little bit because we can't really hear you and i want to make sure we hear you so if you see a weird number come up it's me. All right. So pick it up.

I love you. I'll talk in a little bit. She's the best. She's the coolest. Did she say anything about is odd? Did she say anything about it? She said it was a lovely clock. Yeah, I wish Nice pieces of all one thing. I can't get a artwork man It's not until she's speaking my artwork, but I don't listen man get up in this bitch I want to say something he stopped on a photo on his phone that he pulled up ready to go look at that I'll just look at that. Can I say something? I want to say thank you for the lamp. You want to Lamp art. I would like you want to like you wish you was racist. You're a you're you're one of the sweetest guys That you could just can I say something without you yapping. Yeah sweet mother fuck. Thank you

Look at me. Just fucking look at my mom. Give me a moment. I do one of the sweetest guys I know and I fucking love you. Thank you for the art lamp And I'm gonna put it the studio. We're gonna sign it and we're gonna raise money for your people Thank you Robert all right for the mentally Speech impediment people we're gonna fucking why you why you we're gonna fucking raise money for you, dude All right, thank you. Thank you welcome. welcome thank you I'm gonna put it over there now I want to get back to all right I'm leaving why you live you stay stay why you let's sit where you going I'm gonna go make I got make another lamp

I need to make it please please stay this one went over so well I know it's just a shake yeah I gotta go hurry up and make a circle. I'm a lamp that just rolls around this house. I'm making an octagon for Dana White. This is more someone else thinks about it. Dana White is the president of the UFC. Anyways, did you see the fucking footage of the woman? Oh, I don't want to talk about that.

Fucking two women fighting, middle-aged women. I don't want to get out about that fucking two women fighting middle-aged women uh... i don't know white chick black lady black lady has a is getting attacked by this white chick black lady has a dog hits the chick with whips the dog at the chick whoa i mean hits the other woman with the dog what happened to the on the on the it's hanging by its neck and she's walking down the street with its by its neck like it's a weapon

Is it what because then I get it no, it's one of those fucking yappy little English Yeah, it was a little bigger than that those those Scottish shitty terriers. How did it start your key started the fight? I don't it didn't show that it's I'm could go find it on the Computing calm down calm down. He's saying it doesn't seem like the dog started it. He's a piece of paper. It's easier to use the most. It's fucking what I've never seen anything like this. How many times did you watch it? I watch it once and I can't really watch the shit. What'd be on YouTube? Yeah. It's a Google holy shit. He's dumb. What I said at the beginning it was for dumb

Why can't you watch this stuff anywhere your older or you have a family? I don't know something happened where I don't like watching people get hurt or fucking vile I don't like violence. I don't like when little like a dog or a kid I don't know what I don't know. I don't know what it is. I just don't like it. Oh, I know what I really don't like is when people like skateboarders are coming down,

they hit their nuts on a pole, fucking snap their knee and they're like, I don't want fuck that. Do you think like maybe you never like a little bit and now just admit it? Hold on, look at one of these dumb nails and tell us what is it. Dog attack, there's so many dog attack videos

on YouTube. It's lady hitsits Lady with Dog. Let's start it at the top and go down. Don't put Dog Attack. I never said Dog Attack. I said Lady, hit a fucking Lady with the Dog. I don't know why that's the word. Why are you there, Google Lamb?

Dog Attack Lady by other lady. What the fuck? Would you let her Google Yulf? I'm sorry. What'd you let her Google? Hang on, I'm just kidding. You know, the Boston only comes out when you talk to him Yeah, what the fuck are you doing? I love scope of the Buddha comes out when you start doing that

Wow, okay, this is okay. You can't watch this This is a game at Bipshow by the way, full screen at bitch This is he's not a will hosting a picture. I was going to watch it Oh, the podcast This is a recap of news about it. Go back good escape and then go back Oh my god Holy shit, she's She's gone by the

Watch it again. Can you go to the real video and up the news? Jesus Watch this she walks away with the dog like a weapon. It's still choking it still up And then it looks like she puts almost behind her shoulder like hearing heavy groceries It's this will leave quality? What? What leave quality? I don't know who the fuck. Is that nuts?

That is nuts, but I feel like that was her rage that just like she believed she still had a weapon in her hand so she was just handling it like that. She's dragging it along. She's dragging it. You get heated. That was she still dragging it. Like she's in the middle of the street and it's still by its

neck like she's holding some people can have babies she can have pets I think some people don't understand that baby's wrong that let's do by the way I think I think I think a little further with that she can't have chipmunks she can't have a weasel

a chinchilla she can't have money oh my god oh my god I got to be honest I'm not a baby I am I can't have a weasel. I can chill out. Forget about bunnies. Oh my God. Oh my God. I gotta be honest. How you find that? I'm a baby. I understood it's different. That's the responsibility.

I mean, how fucking? But the other chick got so freaked out that she got hit. Could you imagine you get hit with a dog? Who knows what the fuck is next? You leave. They went, right, you start with a dog and then you work your way up. That can't be the end. You're willing to swing your fucking dog I don't

know what you're beating me with your clit I don't know what the fuck is next I guess going to her mind that she had to hit her with the dog I'm like fuck you I think it was I really want to hit this lady with a dog when you hit this bitch with a bitch that's what happened yeah that's fucked up. It would make sense if it was the other woman's dog. That would be, right? That would make sense. That's fucking right.

I have this is the own dog. There's your dog, bitch. I'm best friend. Yeah. And she hear her with the dog. No, I made that up, but yeah, that's, I'm not news. I don't know. I just saw that.

Don't pass it on. Why are you staring at me? No, you know what, pass it on. that's, I'm not news. I don't, I don't know. I just saw that. You don't, don't pass it on. Why are you staring at me? No, you know what, pass it on. Retweet, go for it. I've seen Bobby hit a guy with scopeo before. What did you fucking write for this? Very good. Are you taking a fucking class?

He had the bullet points to his show, so he had time to write it. The rest of us had to come up with your spot. Rare. Fuck you really do it. Very well today, D. Bullock. Well, yeah, when you got the bullet points for the show, you could do that. All right. You're the bullet points. Yeah, come up with a gang of shit for the say bullet points one more time.

I'm gonna fucking hit you with the bullet point. That's right. Anyways, set list. Yeah, the set list for the show. I want to, I want to get to this. No. First of all, chemo. You, yes. You lost some weight you working out I And recognize you the song in the street early you look beautiful I passed on six

I mean like and but she barely said hi to me because she got the new her new you her new her so not her new her don't talk to certain people you look but when she was a fat man, she used to say, I don't know how to talk to you. Oh, God. She's hot and delicious. She walks right by me. Can you not, can you not, man? He just described me like I was, I don't know, a hot meal.

Now she's hot and delicious. You was hot before, but now that you lost a weight, I'm like, oh, shit, she was fat. You look great. I like the fat mess before. But now she's fat, but now that you lost the weight I'm like oh shit. She was fat. I was I like the fat mess before But now she's delicious You all right shut the fuck up listen you look like a meal I got I gotta get to you all right enough with the fucking quips. Let me just get to what you because there's a reason why you're here you guys are

Doing something very interesting. Yes, we're losing weight And now we will twirl. How do you do it? I want to tell you about my morning routine. I want to say good routine everybody. This is in the new studio. Put, use the coaster. Listen, I'm kidding.

I'm serious. I, uh, two weeks before you quit giving a fuck. Please enough with the quips. Yes. I thank you. You guys are here because you guys are going on tour. You guys are doing a tour. The Fat Mess tour. You don't do stand-up, right?

Are you going to do stand-up? We're going to do live Keith and the Girl Show every night, ten cities, back to back, ten nights. Where are the cities? We're doing the comedy store in LA. We're doing curious comedy. Cubs comedy. We're starting in Seattle. Seattle, Port Nillon, San Francisco, LA, Vegas.

What's next? Albuquerque. Albuquerque. There's Denver's in there. Seven. Oklahoma and Phoenix. You do an Oklahoma fucking home. Yes.

We're closing in Oklahoma. Now, did you go in and get analytics? How did you find out what cities to go to do this? Is this because you're popular most popular in these cities? Not really, because the thing is, we can do complete analytics. I mean, it just has to be like the US. And. and we're driving overnight so when we're done with the show we're getting on the bus bus drivers driving all night really we wake up

in a new city it's like a real bus tour life with banks and is your is your name on the side of the bus or is it just a rock and roll bus no it's just we're renting a tour bus and driver you driving it driving it or are you going to go to the driver? No, we got a driver. His name is Wally. He's awesome. I know Wally. You too. No.

He's very popular. He's going to get you lost. Have you done this before? Have you been on a tour on a bus? Not a tour per se. We've done Keith and girls shows. Like one-off. Yeah.

The US. We did a cruise. We did a cruise, but never a tour tour. I did a tour when I was singing, but I didn't produce it. I just was hired on it. So I've been on a tour bus and tour van and like, should he and better situations. So have you, so you've never, you never,

have you slept on the bus? I've been on. I did, I did one tour bus tour for 30 days. I did a European tour. Outgraded, isn't it the best? Not really. You did a life, was it a nice tour bus? It was a beautiful tour bus tour for 30 days and did a European tour. Outgraded, isn't it the best? Not really. You did like it? Was it a nice tour bus?

It was a beautiful tour bus and I had the more comfy tour bus for some reason. I was the lead singer in the opening and they would fold with that. So they get to me for some reason. But I think it's a very specific mindset of you're going to be alone and with a lot of people and you have to really get along and there's a lot of hurry up and wait and it's a lot of work but yeah it's a lot of fun because it's exciting like the crowd is there, you get to like go live, you get to do the thing that you're doing. I loved it, the best sleep I ever got was on a tour bus because you're literally in these

little capsules. Those I love. And you're just getting rock-succeeding. I mean, everyone's gonna know how you're like, if we crash, my head's gonna be in my asshole. You know what I mean? I'm just gonna be- But that's why you gotta sleep first.

Yeah, you gotta sleep first. And also, everyone's mad at me because I said no poopin' on the bus. But you're not allowed to poop on the bus. What? You're really not? Thank you. Oh my God, thank you. Because you can't, if you put,

you just can't shit on the bus because it's all there. It's just right there. But you stop, which is fun. You stop at a Walmart, you stop at a truck stop, which is awesome too. Yeah. Because you get to,

truck stops across the US. You don't understand how fucking amazing and the fucking crazy shit you'll find. You have like showers that you can try. You can try. You can try it. You can try it. I know it's so exciting you guys we get to rent a

shower every time I go showers the truckers you could pretend to be like a really lot lizard or what are they called they're really nice man I'm telling you think it's shitty sounds it's really nice and you know how for example you guys can see whatever movie you want at

any time right if you happen to stop at a truck stop they might have a movie playing specifically right then in that one you can see. Or that's a gamble it sounds like to me. Or you can buy a DVD player and a DVD and a CB radio and whatever. And Tennessee B radio? Dude, let me tell you something. C.B. Radio's are the fun. If you ever do it a road gig, you should get a C.B. Radio. Yeah, regular WKRP. There's nothing funnier. You didn't listen to the truckers.

You didn't listen to the truckers. Right. They swear like fun. They're the fucking worst and talking to them. If you get one talking to you, they'll talk all night. They're fucking trying not to fall asleep. You know what I mean? They're so racist.

They're the most... There's no limits. There's no, I'm telling you, they're the racist motherfuckers on the planet. She totally strived for them. And I love truck drivers. And that's all around the world. That's a universal thing too.

Yeah. I mean, they're driving an Xbox. Right. This is just kind of, exactly. Could be a 14 year old boy. Body. I fucked him up over. But they'll talk to you all night night and they'll have these deep conversations.

I mean, it's fucking amazing. You should get a CB radio. There's nothing. You should get a CB radio. I used to have a night just fucking get on it and you'll hear it. You know I'm getting down, down, down, down. You know it's a lot of joke man. Again, you're like, what the fuck did you just say?

Who do you have? I used to have one as a kid and I learned all of this way words that I know from You know slab a Joe man again, but you're like what the fuck did you just say? I Used to have one as a kid and I learned all of this way words that I know from listening to that See what the truck is. What would be your CB name your your your handle CB Johnny dick Lizard bitch really I don't fucking know I never thought you're gonna need one fat ass No, I never thought you're gonna need one fat ass hot best my friends podcast What would you always be like something we like chat daddy? Jersey lamp builder Maker

Mine be you wouldn't say he's Haitian. That's for sure Haitian patient dude. Yeah, that'd be that go over well Ironic patient patient dude yeah that'd be that go over well yeah ironic that would be his Haitian dude what would be yours me I'd be called the girl go baby since you know I'm too tuntessie too tuntessie but too tuntessie one two three yeah two time is already taken I'm telling you see we forgot to more people I got three more people in deep wound. Yeah, what are you fucking running the show? I want to hear they see I didn't have a good answer anyway, so you can just give a chubby delight I don't like it do Why do you put that up?

I want fetid tits Edited oh wow that's it's I like feta though. Whatotits. Ooh, wow. That's the best. I like Fedot though. Looks like lizard bitch has competition. What do you got? Scoping the night. No. Wow, he actually did a real one. He was right there.

No, but he's, what are, I mean, that's his real CB, I guarantee. His fucking, his fucking walk parents in the basement have a CB radio and for shits and giggles in the summer When he was a little kid they just go downstairs and his was what was your name again? Scooping the night scoping the night. I think I like radio When you say his was parent Wops, that's different. That's a different word. That's why Anglo-Saxon protested.

The word he's saying is worse. Yeah, it's worse. He's on CB radio right now. Waps not so much. Waps. Fucking waps. Italian. What is it mean?

It's Italian. It's a very term. It's like calling. Speak. Calling what? No, let him go. Italian equivalent. Let him go. It's not my show, go ahead.

Is that Jason's going all out, Luke? No, I'm trying to pick. Is that calling fat people fat, more fucker? Yeah. Yeah, like a guy with an Italian and a Thai mother fucker. I know, I know. It's kind of like telling a girl she used to be a fat. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I saw you walking in the stomach, hot damn. I know I know it's kind of like telling a girl she used to be a fat I saw you walking in the stomach hot damn and then I you cozy got I oh she I know her oh so much bad thing you you barely looked at me like I'm just kidding now move on my way What's my name will bitch? I actually call him fucking ashy hands Anyway, you could spit on your hands He's good with working She literally just built sandcastles Get something on those knuckles

thirsty That's how it is Radio personality Sorry, that was no now. That's where you're radio personality talking. That was all that. That was too untessy over. So I ended up calling Robert and I said, hey Robert, it's Keith Malley, he said, hey how you doing. He's always been nice to me and the Keith and Groan General.

Oh that's my name by the way. And the Go. It's one of those three, that's all I'm going to say. And so he goes, oh oh hey how's it going and then I said so we're gonna be at the this is like a week ago or so Yeah, we're gonna be at happen to be at the comedy seller. I want to see if you're doing a show We'd love to talk about the tour on your show see again, etc And that and he goes Yeah, okay, all right I go so if you're around doing a show or now between our tour in October

You know, let's see if we can work set map. Yeah, that sounds good Hold on Then I'm like all right Robert it. It's okay, you know, we'll figure this out. He's like hold on I'm stuck in fucking traffic Fuck everything fuck. Oh, it goes hold on. I'm gonna pull I'm gonna pull the fuck over so so I go all right relax. We'll figure it out and What I should think this I didn't say like no you did No, you did

Your tone is that you didn't know that though. It's like you don't know I mean I could tone given this guy heart attack and I'm like no whatever the fuck I'm saying isn't worth it Relax everything will be fun. That's his delete like the other time. That's the tone that you think you have, but the other tone is what you really have. So I go, relax. Easy baby boy. I think you will pacify, I say.

And so he goes, hold on, I'm gonna pull over. Then he goes, okay. Now what tours this? Who is this? And then I go, oh, this is, and he goes he goes first of all you don't fucking tell me to relax Tells me and what the fuck tour is this And I go I go Robert's it's me Keith from Keith and the girl and he goes No, no, no, that's not that's a joke. I know I still kept the fuck you tone. All right, but I don't fucking say I I turned girl

I went I'm gonna give you you keep on let's play this I'm gonna give you my job Okay, it was it was very nice and it was it definitely a different. I was like Keath from kick the girl. Yeah, I would do anything for you. Absolutely So what I'm missing a vital fucking what I know you forget I don't know what I'm missing a vital fucking what I know you forget I don't know what I you mother fucker. He does say like hey next time don't be so formal say first Hey, buddy Bobby. It's Kate blah blah your friend for some years now. That's so true What's interesting to me when you when you tell people that before you tell people the truth is that he didn't he didn't think This was a good friend. He thought it was some business thing. I mean he's on TV now

It's not crazy. He'd be getting a call about a tour even if it's you know what I mean, and he's like first of all I'm done. Are you done you're repeating now done? You should have told him that you lost weight first Say butter. Here's the already. I'm in I'm in late for the show here, right? I just just a bunch of crazy shit happened that day. I have some guests I woke up too early. It's just fucked up. My brain is trying to get the fuck over here. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I might annoyed him and even go and I'm like you you go

He's like you go just go you fucking he goes you fucking I went and I went and I was fucking angry that he fucking got me I was so mad because all that to do is go no You go and not I have a vehicle. Yeah, you understand I win. I'm steel. I Steal around. I did that this morning to somebody this this truck. I was I was about to cross. It's obviously there right away and I know that they're trying to get my attention to say that I'm I should cross and I'm like I'm not about to walk in front of your truck right now. No, I'm just not looking at them. I believe that they're calling me a bitch for not taking the the the cross and I'm just not looking at them. I believe that they're calling me a bitch for not taking the the cross and I'm just like I'm gonna win this one

because I'm just gonna I'm gonna. I won. Yeah I didn't I fucking lost. Phone rings. I'm sorry. I'm not. Actually I think I'm going. So I lose. I lose. Now my phone rings. You know and I really it's Keith Mal. I don't hear any of that. I hear I hear Keith but he is with his last name. Go to Ben and Keith Brown. Which is like, but I don't really hear, I don't hear the last name at all. I just hear Keith Brown, I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. And then he goes right into the, we're doing a tour, like right into his, like we're doing a tour. He's actually how you doing the house your day? No. We're going a tour, we're in the area.

It's so funny. We want to come on your show and maybe promote the tour. And now I have people crossing in front of me. I'm taking that right. There's literally, I'm always just going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them.

I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them.

I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm going to head for them. I'm fucking someone had just literally Cut in front of me and then looked at me like fuck and I was like I'm trying to listen to him. I don't know who the fuck this is, but I don't want to say I don't know who it is yet I'm gonna pull on I'm like okay I'm just gonna pull over and deal with this and find out I'm getting too confused and overwhelmed here Let me just fuck him pull over. I'm just gonna be well who the fuck is? What's going on? And he goes hey relax right hey said hey first of all I should say buddy because hey he goes hey relax

It's like first Anybody that tells you to relax doesn't want you to relax. They want you to go fuck you. Did you understand that? No, I don't want that. Hang on a second. Who? Here's a deal. People say relax. They go, you don't go, the word relax never has relaxed anybody.

Never means to relax. Ever. No one's ever said relax and your tone stinks. You gotta work with your tone. It blows. Okay. It may be due to a podcast. It's very fucking easy.

It's very easy. It's very easy. So then, so then he goes, I go, I go, do a podcast. It's very fucking easy. It's very easy. Okay, so then, so then he goes, I go, I go, wait a minute, who the fuck, who the fuck is this? And he goes, it's Keith from Keith in the girl. I go, Jesus Christ. What the fuck, dude? I go, I go, what, just say, what's up, bro? It's Keith, Keith and the girl. What's happening? How are you doing? Are you busy right now? I got second. Yeah, I go I go With friends you just talked to me like a telemarketer You call me up with fucking information and your last name. I know what the fuck is that?

I go do everybody did it to me. I go listen. You had your fucking time Get the gavill Judy all of us up Oh no Go gavill There we go That's a crack Order in the court

I hate the court Here's the point Right? Oh shit I'm not I'm not What are you going? I called the analysis here man That's alright

He can sit there for me That's too weak people to get out He can sit down here So we got another mic over here We're good So did I, yeah, I got that fucking mic. Yeah, we're good. So anyways, I go, I go, hey, I go fucking dude, I'm your, we've known each other.

Hey, buddy, I go, let's, I go do it. He goes, hey, I made you do it. I go, hey, say and you were like, hey bro, I go, hi buddy, how are you? You're ready to be with me. And it's like with friends, don't talk to me like, we're fucking business part. Like, we're, you know, it's me. And it's like, with friends, don't talk to me like, we're fucking business partner. Like, we're starting an app together.

You fuck. When people say, hey, relax, it's always on some power shit. Somebody says, hey, relax to you. Is that to relax you or to fucking control you? Why is it not to call you up? It's to allow you up. Depends on what you're doing. Depends on what's going on.

Yeah. Oh, geez. And I don't want to do this but I'm just gonna defend Keith for a minute first of all no I think I think you're right to say that relax usually pisses people off and his tone remember the tone you said I was right about him and m, his last name. You know what's weird? We once had a phone call with, oh my god, who did you piss off? Like a long time ago. God damn it, there's so many.

Put Theresa's mom? No. That mom, the fuck is crazy. What happened was, Keith, you were a huge fan of this person. And Bobcat Goldway? Yes. He called in. Keith is actually a huge. Bobcat thought he was a brilliant writer. He's still a real. He's still a real real. Yeah. huge fan of this person and bobcat goldware he called in keep this actually

he thought he was a brilliant writer he still is actually yeah this is what keeps tone does to people he goes oh i really i really love you in this that the next news really fantastic and bobcat goes you fucking with me and so

seriously they got into a thing and it went into some weird and i was very nice i did he'd him be in mad at me or not trusting me. Didn't make me be mad back. It was more just a shame. So was it swimming? Well, we're already in a pool with that thing. You're toned.

He sounds sarcastic when he's being sincere. Oh, big room. That's the weirdest, weirdest thing. And that's indeeding that shit. I love you. Oh, you look great. I know why you're mad at me. You're the one who's a fat, you're the one who's a man. You're the one who's a fat, you're the one who's a man. You great. I love you, honey. You're the man who's a foul man. You went, you went, you went, you went, you went,

you're the man who's a foul man. You went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went,

you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, you went, went, explain this. Sorry, are you going, are you in anger management or something like this? I go to fuck, I just can't, I go to,

take a time, take a time, I'm not an anger management, I actually go to, I've accept my personality, right? Okay, but I'm also, I accept that I, that's who I am, I kind of snap, but I, I was right. You have a balance back. I was absolutely right. I'm not saying you were wrong But you happen to go to anger. I am going to Meditation Meditation meditation I know what that is. Were you at meditation that day coincidentally? I was not I went the next day How much I was back at just you got man? I want to do yoga with you.

Magic Bubbies down with you. You want to do yoga together? We really do yoga? Yes, I do yoga. Getting out of bed is not yoga. Oh, it is for Bubbie. You're a fucking asshole. Breathe in. How many gadgets you got? He's gonna light you. He's gonna grab a lot. I know a flash and disco. So how good you're getting it this now night you can do it while you're setting up the lights at the same time this show is You just lighting I'm lighting will because will has is so fucking dark I need want to go want to get my I need the other one How to lighten with police lights

Blue and red blinking. It's red out of the cop. Crazy motherfucker from Haiti. Make your lamp that makes you want to go crazy. He made this fucking lamp for me, honest. Yannis poppuses in the house. Yannis poppuses in the house. Fucking flood city king right here.

That was a pleasure watch. You three just crushing fucking podcast radio right there. Three pros just going out. I was fucking flood city king right here. That was a pleasure watch. You three just crushing fucking podcast radio right there. Three pros just going out. I was like, nobody else is gonna be able to get a word in these, you guys are crushing. I tell you, when we meet in Keith, he's had a little fucking, a little ram head butt. But he called me up, but I think now you call me up,

you go, what's up bro, it's Keith. And then we'll go. That's your script. Yeah, what's up dude? All right, what's up dude? Yeah like that, Let's try it again Really let's try to get I'm gonna recreate fucking you go now you fucking Hello, hello, hey buddy's we Keith Keith, what's up, buddy? Oh, dude relax

Maybe mad again He said dude to sound said hey, right just hurt You get into character. Well, why you said relax he was relax I fucking hate relax my what my wife does that to me all right calm down. Oh, yeah, don't tell me to fucking calm down I have a legitimate like she gets mad Here's one thing that's been happening with I'll get mad at something, okay? And I'm like oh this motherfucker with the fucking chair It's a lamp

And it should be like well, it's not my I'm like it's not a fucking fault. I know it's not your fucking Can I get mad like I can't get mad anymore. Like I can't just fucking snap anymore, right? Because if you snap everybody's like relax. Oh my god. Why? Dangerous because look at you Bobby. You cannot get mad at least so you lose 10 pounds minimum. No fuck that shit I'm a mom. Now fuck that shit. Listen. Wait, but what's that? Oh, you got to go get it.

He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it.

He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it.

He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. Bubbie, I'm not gonna be terrifying. You gotta call like Westbury police. It takes them 45 minutes to get there. They can't believe someone called them. Yeah.

Yeah. One one is a joke. I used to know. It's comedian Bobby Kelly. You know Bobby Kelly from You Know What Dude. I think I fucking y'all must get this right too. Let me turn down your fucking mic. You know these work, right?

These are short 50s. I like you new ghetto. You're new Darth Vader get up. Um. This is my fun. He does it with a super villain Master and servant This is my out

He got a lot of gadgets Just looks like Dr. Evil He looks like mini me I'll shave my head and sit on your lap Actually you look fat mini me Okay let's try and get real funny Not so many me Three quarters

I think I was like it You're stuck in traffic Yes Right Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Three quarters Stuck in traffic. Yes, right? Ring Jesus Christ go. Hello. What's up? Hey, it's me Keith take out the garbage I'm sorry. What the fuck did you say? Hey relax Cawks that got

I'm sorry man. I apologize. What do you mean by take out the garbage? I don't know is this through a three-way call? Hi I want you to do it between you and honest. Yeah, do it. Now, Janice, here's your scenario. You just got fucking, you've been in traffic, you're late. Two accidents coming down here. Now, you're going to take a right and some guy

with a hard hat and a fucking t-shirt is going, you go. And you're like, no, you go. And he's like, just go. And you go. And then, well, shut up. He's going, right? And I go, you go. And then he goes, just go. And you go. You go. Well, shut up. He's going, right? And I go, you go. And then he goes, no, just fucking go asshole.

And then I go and he alpha male me. And I'm like pissed. Now I'm taking a right, the phone rings. I'm pissed, I'm late. I'm late. Now you go. Let me do the, can I please? Eyes on the phone.

I'm gonna go, my ringer's different than that, okay? I got to get into character. I got to get into character. I got to get into character. I got to get into character. I got to get into character. I got to get into character. I got to get into character. I got to get into character. I got to get into character.

I got to get into character. I got to get into character. I got to get into character. I got to get into character. I got to get into character. Hold on, let me drive for a little bit. I always want to go to AOL skits. Relax, alright?

I'm going to give you the ring. I'm going to give you the ring. I need to ring. I can't work without a ring. I'm gonna give you the ring ready ready Hello, damn hello. Hey, honest is Keith. How you doing? But oh, it's up Keith. How you doing man good? Yeah, it yeah sound like you got some shit going on I'm driving fucking New York City man this guy. It's a whole thing man. How you doing? So are I should I catch you another time? No, no, I'm good. I'm good He's just being so pleasant now

Now go back Okay, I'm ready I'm ready. I call him again Bobby police. I want telemarketed Keith Okay, I want fucking the scenario that happened. Okay, all right, and I want Conti tone at the beginning All right, here we go ready all right ready big steering wheel Here we go ready. This car gets better in bed He's driving a bus Don't Hello, oh, fuck mr. Poppiss. Yeah, mr is Mr. Malley. Who have you been you know me?

Who Mr. Malley hey, I'm going on tour. Yeah, now it's now it's part of your life. Come on, man Who is this I'm just what I need you to do? Easy, baby Who is this man? I'm your friend Keith Who is this man? I'm your friend Keith That you're normally human being with me being such an asshole you still control That was my that was that fuck you and fuck you You fucking to god Jason you guys are fucking you see I think we've got it

And so many fucking people you talking over each other settle down, right calm down. Here's your calm down That's bullshit. I'm going to move on. I was here. Here you go, Keith. Here you go. Here you go, Keith. You and my wife can have as much as you want. You ready?

Yeah. I'm sorry for snapping. That's all you had to say. That was so sincere. You just made me anger I said no thank you. Yeah, I'm very I'm very sorry for snapping I'm sorry for snapping on you deep who I'm sorry I'm sorry for snapping on you I'm snapping on you. I'm snapping on you. I'm snapping on you. I'm snapping on you. I'm snapping on you and say sorry to the lamp. I'm sorry to your lamp.

It's an art of lamp, let me apologize. Lamp on. For not accepting your lamp art as graciously as I should have. It's not about the faith it is. The honest I'm sorry for ever snapping at you if I ever do. And my name is one. It's a big one. It's a big one.

Gemna, I'm sorry for snapping at you. I've never done that but I'm sorry. I'm waiting for my pre-share. And Scopo, I'm sorry for snapping at you every day for the last month and a half. Longer than that. If I could speak for everybody, we didn't even notice. I'm good.

I just, I don't like to be told to relax. I really ate it. So anyways, they're going on this great tour, which now, has this ever been done? A podcast going tour. Is this original? Is this, are you breaking new ground? Is everyone, am I going to do this?

Is everybody going to do this now? I think everyone should do it. People do. So everyone could go crazy like we are. Now I think other podcasts, there is definitely another podcast. I'm so annoyed that the name isn't coming to mind, but I don't think they did the tour bus. So I think they did like from city to city, but I don't know how they traveled. So that like is one difference. When does it start? October 9th through the 18th. Keith and the Girl.com slash tours where you could find all the dates and tickets.

Give it one more time. Keith and the Girl.com slash tour. Okay, great. And you are. And you can buy tickets. How much of the tickets? They vary. They start at 2150.

Start it so and they go up from there. So you get a VIP package or a better seats and stuff like that. I mean, we try to get people to get their tickets. So there's like early bird, medium bird, and late bird. Oh, I'll get medium bird. Right, I'm hungry by the way. I'm hungry by the way. How much do you mean?

There's hamburger, cheeseburger, french fries. How many of the birds prepared. If you're into going, you know, do us all the favor and get tickets ahead of time. Can I say something to about the ticket buying with these people? But, you know, people who are listening right now, or, you know, they make you sweat. They make you sweat. It's really, it really is.

It's like, you know, I just did, I'm doing that JFL thing. And, you know, and every week I do shows and they make you sweat it out. And you know, and- They know they're coming, but they're like, oh, I'll get the tickets next week. All you have to do is make a phone call. Just get the phone call, no. Put it on. I know, I'll go online.

But you can literally just go online, get a phone call, talk to a human being, I want tickets, or fill out the form in less than five minutes, have your tickets, and save us the fucking dread. I would rather- I was having to get a club on a go. Can you push it a little harder on Twitter? Cause we've only sold, ugh. And there's also not one show we haven't done, where people tell us, oh I can't believe I missed out that day I think I fucking hate

that it's like I'm sorry let me bring it down calm down calm down we see somebody else makes man somebody else say not me thank you but I haven't done one show where it's been the you know you get these fuck it's and then hey when you come in the, you know, you get these fuck, and then, hey, when you come into town, I, I don't know, fuck on those, just fucking in, you motherfucker. Yeah. How dare you fucking tweet me that? How dare you tweet when I'm coming back to Utah? I was just there trying to self take it. And I'm stuck in traffic, fuck you. What's that? Well, it's me. Well, I

want to ask you a question. It's Keith from Keaton, the girl. I got going, man. Where are you going? I got things to do, man. I got my tour bus on my side, man. I'm starting in Mexico, then we're going to Dallas. Is Wally driving you? Wally is the best.

Wally, you should get the best. Wally is the best. Well, I want you to, before you go, I want you, we're gonna, we'll, Take the lamp. You should. Hold on, hold on. He's reaching back in his gadget, in his gadget cave. Where's all my sharpies?

In your butt? So, hang your sheep. Hang your sheep. People that hang your sheep. Black one, where's the black sharpie? I give, no, no, you keep it well. No, you keep it well. You ain't gonna give it a hanky shave?

That wasn't bad. Why don't we put the hanky shave over the lamp? Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. It's a very shitty lamp, bandana. Then we can give you a ride by the house. It's literally, gave you something that he made that. He made it with his hands?

Yeah, I made it with my dad hands. That one? That lamp that he brought it in. I'm not a man. I make things with my hands all time yeah hand made I said handmade yeah on the proper thing before I get attacked about my English handmade made with my hands yeah both you can use both that's where he picked up attack oh I think attack about my English would be the part we'd attack about the handmade all the handmade with my hands were you a tacker burger?

No, I was pretty good. I'm fucking good at it. I do like burgers. I do. I do have a sarcastic way of talking. That is it. Thank you. I take back my abolishment.

I take it back. I'm right, right? It's a weird thing. And yeah, Henry, you know who saw he was one he was on? Ah, ha, ha. Well, you're all very smart to have that opinion. Ah, ha, ha, ha. Well, I'm a pretty good way. All right, well, thank you, man.

It's a beautiful thing. I want you to sign it, but I want it with a black sharpie. Maybe you should sign it with silver. Everybody else sign it with black. That's a great idea. All right, now, I want you to sign it right in a nice spot in the center. Sign it to me.

Somewhere where your name sticks out, but not too big. No, I'm kidding. Sign it somewhere, please. Thank you, Will. Can we get this on video, please? Oh, hold on, hold on. Did you find it, Sharpie? Is this a video?

No. All right, what's that? It's a video that you put on sunglasses. It's a video that's a video that you put on sunglasses. Oh my god. It's 10-20. Not there. In the middle. It's oh my god. It's 10-20 not there in the middle like Why don't you down the bottom down the bottom bottom

You feel like I'm at a hard rock hotel right down a little further So you know, there's nobody else wants to sign it. It still looks like a lamp right here. Yeah, that's right in the middle though In the middle that's a lamp looks like a fucking in the middle In the middle that's the middle down. This is the first time anyone's there right there. I want to find anything This is right there and just sign in there. Right there. Just right there. Yep. More in the middle. Mm-hmm Is that the shape of the Grammys? Is that what they look like? I don't know if that's the Grammys in around 30,000 years right there. That's great man. That's great That's great. A little bigger, a little wider. Unbelievable buddy. Look's the bad guy in a sci-fi movie.

Well, I love you buddy. Thank you for coming up. And thank you for the gift. See you, Will. In a year from now, we're going to raise around $16. All right. We're going to get some ramen noodles for those little kids' intense delicious.

Delicious. All right, buddy. I love you, kid. Take your work, the fuck. That was funny. You kid just throw it. It was good. That was good. I got laughs. I see you later. Leave it on his mic. Willy. I'll see you buddy Yeah, sit over here. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sit over here because it's a better shot Anyways, wow, that was fucking great. Holy shit That I mean now I like it

It is quite cool actually. It's a true one. It is kind of cool. And it does match. I loved it the whole time. Where does the light bulb on it go? The light on the bottom. On the bottom. So it's a lamp if you're going to do blow of a hooker in 1988.

It's a very disco-y modern art type of lamp. It's more like a room obstruction with a little light at the bottom. Look at somebody taped those sticks to it. I don't have that much room over here. It really does dig up a lot of space. It's like a finish making it went, oh it's meant to be a lamp. Shit. I'd rather it be the other way, upside down, like it was some type of stand on the other point, the end. But if somebody does ever piss me off outside, I can throw that on them. So if dinosaurs ever come back, maybe I'll kill them. He tells you to relax again. You got

something to do. I don't know if I can smash it over his head. No. He carried that up here. He did. He did. He had help, right? That's why he was coming up to me and coming up. That's why he was coming up going, we were wondering before the show, like Will was like, am I on the show? And I was like, no, I don't think, I didn't want to say you're not because you can come up if you really want to,

but I, because he, you know, he's one of the guys that can literally just stop by if he wants. But I don't think I recall this ever. That fucking weird man. It was weird, then he just just show it up with the lamp? What a sweet guy. That is sweet.

I'm gonna lighting you now. This is the mirror that just- Yeah, and he changed it to yellow. Is that the police colors anymore? Well, yeah, I had white on it will. I had a fairly brightened him up. Look at these Greek book ends we have, too. That's right, yeah.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about this. We showed the video of the girl hitting the lady with the dog. Have you seen that? Yeah, it's brutal I hate that man, but I watched it possible to scroll over one of them and not watch it But don't you you have to assume that because she's a bitch that the dog really is an asshole because that's how she raised

The dogs that makes you feel any better people like that on raising a nice dog good point man I'm feeling the better. People like that, on raising a nice dog. Good point, man. She, I mean, it looked like it worked though. Like she hit him and then like the fight was over. I'm gonna say that'll work every time. Yeah, yeah. It's just, you get to get by a fucking tail.

That freaks you out with something hairy in your face. This big, she's hit me with a hairy fucking fist. Oh, it's a dog, this bitch is crazy. She walked away like it was a fucking purse. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. What about the VMAsia, then? I that was fucking. That was a happening. And I didn't even know it was going on. I don't know what was going on. I am. Yeah. I just like, I so weird, they still do it. They like run reruns of ridiculousness. Right. And then it's like like now it's not for you

It's weird what they do they let fucking Kanye just run for 10 minutes And I don't think he gets it anymore that they're just letting him be fucking moronic No, he's a bit sick. I do it. I don't think he cares. I love Kanye. I don't think he gets it I think he buys into it. I think he I think he gets it. I think there's I don't think he cares. I love Kanye. I don't think he gets it. I think he buys into it. I think he gets it. I think there's I don't think he realizes That you think that he realizes that MTV knows he's out of his fucking mind. Yeah, yeah I know and I think he's comfortable with the amount of out of his mind people think he is because he's getting shit done and living his life Because that gets he's completely sincere the whole time He's the best. Yeah, yeah, I think you're getting your hair to like Yeah, he's completely sincere the whole time he's the best. Yeah, yeah, I think you're here to like

You can have a one-on-one with Kanye and be like I got to tell the world. He's fucking brilliant He is brilliant. He's fucking the best. He's brilliant in a lot of ways and he's very inspirational Well, wait, I mean his rap no joke. I think every album is fucking genius and he has for and there hasn't been a fucking bummer yet I don't even buy hits. I mean, right. I love it But the point is other than that though. I can't imagine having a conversation with him You think so can you imagine that he changed? What you guys are saying by being in it absolutely Absolutely Jean-Rot eight away to eight away to heart breaks is like that's what all of music is now

That's like everyone's shitting on him for doing auto tune and doing like sappy shit and like broken-hearted shit But what's Drake doing now? That's what everyone that's what mainstream rap is now He changed the way people dress. He changed the way they do beats. We tried to change the way people dress I think you love like $8 million is trying to do that. Yeah, but what's his mix tastes like doll He's trying to do that. Yeah, but what's his mix taste like though? Yeah, and his mix taste are a battle rap about the street. Yeah,

as it's always like all money every other black friend, they start saying that you love I have no idea what you're talking. I didn't even know there were mixed tapes. Can I just say something though? He has a hint of true honesty in the weird shit. Absolutely. He's completely sincere. Let me finish, all right?

I know you're f**king jacking off. I me finish. I know you're fucking jacking off fucking. I know you do, I get it. But I'm saying, I'm not a big fan of his music. Maybe it's just a generation thing. I'm not a not a fan, I'm not like fucking him. But he does have these little weird moments where he like, am I fucking losing my mind? Because he just made sense.

But do you have any excuses running the president? Just maybe go, I love him. Yeah, I was gonna say to you, do you ever listen to crazy people? And then you're like, wait, that makes so much sense. Yeah, fucking, just fucking spent an hour with you, fucking boyfriend over here. Oh, that's my ex and ex and then, yeah, it's been years. And we're very adamant about that.

You guys, you guys ever have an old an old moment where like this it's hard because I story-measure when she was a fat mess and I can't love a lot. You guys do it every day right? Yeah. There's got to be a day where it goes through your head during the I honestly tell you get what you're saying, but I we really hate each other. If it wasn't it's really, it's really not that. If it wasn't me, he would agree with you, and he'd be like, yeah, of course it runs through my mind, but he's like, no, she's a bitch.

How am I saying she's sitting right now? He's really not getting together. I mean, we're fine. Oh, we get along. We get along. I mean, you guys like to get along. We get along. Yeah. I mean, you guys like to get along each other, to your family, or you're getting along, are you getting along like Bob and Tom?

I don't. You know what I mean? Like, for the show? I think we get frustrated with each other. We get frustrated with each other. We happen to just hang out the other day. Oh, yeah. So much regret in her voice.

It's got tone now. Yeah. Maybe I'm on your side, Keith. I think that what one of the greatest things is we learned how to argue, which sounds really, you know, I get that in shit. I wish we had him to learn how to argue, fucking relax. Well, he used to get really nervous when I got upset or crying or like even like with a, you know, stern tone.

And now I'm just like, I'm gonna be angry for a while. And you're gonna then tell me your point of view and you could be as angry as I am. And then we're gonna get through it. And then the end, and I'll see you fucking tomorrow on air who gives a shit. If I can't say this shit to you, I can't be around you.

That's why you're making a good point. I, you know, I said it. That was so sweet. When you're on it, there you are. Yeah, there you are. You're gonna say, you're gonna have an argument with a friend. And all of a sudden, that's why I hate when people will bring

in really unfair shit to an argument. Like some, some really holy shit weapon. That they've been holding off. And it's like, dude, this is just an argument. We're gonna, let's have this fight. Don't make this about something that's not. Don't fucking end this friendship. Because let's just, I agree with you.

But sometimes people bring in shit, well, what about the time that you fuck, and it's like, whoa, where the fuck is that? If it's not relevant, I don't wanna hear about it. I'm gonna shut you down. If it's relevant, and it's in the past and it's repeating itself, I get to bring it up because I'm not using it.

I'm not gonna lie. In that time. I can't relax. Don'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese.

I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese.

I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. I'm not cheese. and she's the best talking about. Cool guy, you love her. She's just so ridiculous that you have to stop thinking

about what ridiculous is and go with it. She's just like, then what, I'm coming out like this, what are you gonna say about it? She does some racist shit though, I don't know. She's called Snoop Dogg, her mommy, on the fucking Vigil Maze, and her whole tour before, I mean, the twerking shit, all the cultural appropriation that she does, she does a lot of racist shit.

I mean, I like what she's doing like. Holy shit. Oh, now we can't talk. How old do you? 26. That's that millennial shit. That's what cultural appropriation is. Cultural appropriation.

But you know, she's like, she's under normal. Her dad was achy, breaky heart. Her dad was the guy who wrote achy, breaky heart. I don't know what you're judging you by your dad. And that's that. But what I'm saying is, that's where she comes from culturally that's what he's soon I didn't do it. I'll hang on one second first of all I was a proud I was very proud of my little boy

when you said that I heard that that sentence and then I was very happy that he snapped me out of it. My friend Yannos, man, this is how you fucking- Self-hating Greeks, that's what that is. That's tearing each other down. I thought you two guys are doing Greek. That's right, doing Greek. Like doing characters.

How do you can't do it? Now you do any character and you went all the month? Yeah. No dude, young people are, they got this language man. Yeah, culture variation is not that- No, but it's crazy. No dude young people are they got this language man Reveation is not that English honest you Greek fuck It's this whole thing where they care for Yeah, it's like it's not genuine. It's like it's like no, wait you saying I'm not genuine you really care

I do care I do like this is funny. Why does he have to sit up at night? No, but it's Don't you know me in a noise? Whatever you wake up. At about 1 p.m. Get out of my weed haze. I like my, are you ever really angry about it? Yeah, I mean, it makes me upset. Yeah, I mean, I'm not fucking angry about it after you ate.

After I, I'm not angry about much after I ate. I'm kind of in a nice zen state. What kind of t-shirt is that to wear while you talk about cultural appropriation? Boom! I can't, you can. You're too black, guys, on your shirt wear while you talk about cultural appropriation? BOOM! I can't- You get too black eyes on your shirt! That's not what cultural appropriation is, just like it. Michael Jordan holding up, uh, spikely by the hair, there's something wrong with it. I don't like that.

That's actually Woody Allen, isn't it? That's Woody Allen and Black. I really did not expect him to say boom, it was just a joke, but if I put his taken in there, it's like- Yeah, I just- I don't hate Molly's art culture the appropriate but it's just fucking what what's been it out trashy and like her music like poppy you know but when she's not doing the and I don't I don't I don't get why twerking's insensitive I guess but don't they don't teach me I don't want to okay great when she's being so

fucking ridiculous, it's like, oh, something stupid is finally happening. None of the mind this shows for children. I don't know why you're watching it, Bobby. But I'll tell you why I was watching it. It's back there. It was all over the internet. I turned my TV on to watch Rade Dunnevin, me and my wife.

And it was just on. It was on the thing. And my friend Joe went, did you just see what the fuck of something on? And I put it on it was It was Kanye. He was a this guy. Yeah, let me see what this fucking guy saying because I do watch that fucking lunatic He's on fucking stage and I listen to it and I was like I don't fucking hate Kanye I'm not gonna be like that fucking idiot. I think that's ignorant And I like Miley, I you know what I don't think she's a fucking,

I don't like anything different. I do, I like different stuff. And I like Miley actually brought a bunch of trans women on stage. Correct? I don't know. I heard she got the, from what's that show? From Drag Race, right? Those are not necessarily trans people. Okay, no, it's plain. They're cross-stressers.

Yeah, you know. No, one of them was trans. You gotta learn. One of them was that. That's the most famous trick. I saw a trust man. No, she was wearing a singlet, and she was definitely a guy,

but she had no dick there. So she had to be a butt of trans. How do you know it was? Because she was wearing a singlet. Can I be a fucking... I told you the game. I told you the game. she was very single. Can I talk in this right? I told you the scuba was a gender studies major. Sometimes they talk. Sometimes they talk. I want the quiz. The one thing we did when we were in the fucking back yard smog of cigarettes. We made we had these discussions. What the fuck, Scopo? It's inside full. Now he he look now he stands up with that blank

Spider he's fucking spider Well you said get me a drink spider no, I didn't quick ask him about baseball Huh? What do you want me to say? I'm gonna shoot you like fucking watch his name and goodfellas Goodfellas he's definitely spider like fucking what's his name and good felt let's oh oh I have to watch that movie um oh is he good fellows? he's definitely spider yeah um

today he is um do you at do you leave Chris going like god damn I'd like the opportunity about fuck this oh what am I the new Baba boy

fuck this he's got a Bobby voodoo doll he just like it's not you how often you go home go It's not fuck worth it. I want you stop satz is you you don't you sabotage my what you sabotage real fucking shot All right, why are shows working out? I just a lot cast the podcast. Yeah, destroying everyone Are you live my fucking scope all alone, all right? Don't look at deep old all

You can scope all alone, all right? And don't look at deep at all. All right, show your people how you do. It's weird that they don't even, you can't even look behind the computer. It doesn't respect you. I don't know. Scobo, answer the question, you wanna leave? No, no, no.

Do you love me? Do you look at me and say? I didn't believe it, I did. I love him, shit. It's called, do you love doing the show? Yes, I love doing it. I'll give you This is the love you've been. This is called that. Do you love doing the show? Yes, I love doing it. I'll give you five dollars if you tell Bobby to relax.

Make it 20. Yeah. Give you 400 if you beat the show. I'll bet 400 against it. What are you, a Brazilian? You're just a guy. Oh, I mean that. Jesus Christ.

And that's the day we broke up. Her body sweated out. Ah, you fucker assholes. See, here's the thing. I say they have trans women on, right? You say maybe one of them was. No, I said, I don't know that all of them are trans because- Why would you-

Why stresses and trans is different? But aren't they in the same arena? No, but I'm asking, I don't know. But aren't they in the same as far as fighting for rights, trying to get equality? I mean, do you want one to get it more than the other? No, because like, any of them are cross-dresser.

Any of them are cross-dresser. Right, yeah. It'd be like saying aren't they all in the same category as gay, they want rights. But that is like their minorities. Sure, we want everybody to get all the equal rights. And you know, but how do you know where that guy is? You ask.

But how do you know like, oh, there's a guy? Are you making that judgment by physicality? Or do you know that these people are actually just a guy who crossdress us? You know, and if you pay attention, people refer to themselves and to each other as the pronoun or the, you know, names that they want to be called. Some cross-dress is want to be called, she only when they are in costume. Some of them are called, she's sort of like for funzies outside of costume. I know that it sounds like I love for funzies, but I don't have time. It's

don't be like that. Don't be afraid to choose how they identify that? Isn't that? What? Isn't it how they choose to identify? Oh, don't be such a millennium. Now, I'm trying to ask. It's a funny answer. Every funny answer was no. You guys have pencils? Is number two okay? But I mean, it's kind of up to them, right? Like a cross dresser could identify as a trans woman. Yeah, of course. If they wanted to. But then they wouldn't, I don't know that they would consider themselves cross dressers.

Right, right. They would consider themselves cross dressers when they dress as their sex, but not their gender. Got you. So, okay, sex and gender is different. Yes. Your sex is your outside appearance and your gender is what's happening in your brain. That's very right. And you can actually mismatch gender and sex.

So once you know that, I feel like you can just apply that to other things. And speaking of that, your season-long fantasy football is maybe going strong, but you don't have to wear sex you think you are. You can do it. You don't have to wait, no matter what, you are. You don't have to wait the week 16 to get paid. But your fantasy skills. Fantasy skills. To the test every week, this season at DraftKings.com. Don't go to the regular drafts. Go to the King of Drafts. DraftKings.com America's favorite one week fantasy football site. One week fantasy football means what?

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¿Vos lo que hay? Keith Caramello, dice, Keith Mally, se va a ir a un manager de todo el restaurante. Es muy bueno. manager to every grocery store. That's pretty good. I'll tell this Keith White. That's not true. I hate with an attitude. There's a camera right there.

First of all, this other Keith relax. He relax. That's how it came out with me. I would. He just said fuck you. I have never had a job and then thought of another job. So my point is whenever my job ended, I was in dire straits. Whatever job I had.

Yes. Usually a waiter job that I'm thinking of. I would go to a grocery store and I'll be a... I'll take any job. I'll be a 27-year-old deli guy. I'll do whatever. I come in with a resume. I don't know if that turns them off,

if you're supposed to just stare at them until they give you a job, I couldn't be hired as an assistant manager. I couldn't be hired as an assistant manager. Because you're so sarcastic. Did you tell the interviewer to relax? I said it's great. I, I literally stop listening to you for a minute. Yeah, I don't know.

Just because you're not qualified. Right, right now, it doesn't mean you don't look like you have it. What else do we got in there? The Knife song says, I buy my Bobby Kelly tickets at the last minute, so I know he'll work for it. Oh, you bitch. Oh, fuck. He's right.

I will fucking work for that fucking $15. And he loves the shit out of you. These are your favorite fans. Toronto, September September something. JFL 42. Make sure you go to the tickets. Get those good. Buddy see Buddy says Will's CB radio name

would be Ashy Madison. That's pretty good. Yeah, I was just fucking read that eight hours ago. I'm gonna talk about trans people right now. And here's a joke from last week. Yeah. Remember the guy got what else you get? That's all I have, it was more of that lamp jokes.

So, you know, one of the lamp. Give me one lamp joke. Um, fuck you a lamp. Mookey Phillips says, this is the first time a black person made a pyramid that held together. Oh, you're still there, what is this? Jesus Christ. That doesn't make sense, but I still there. What is it? Jesus Christ.

That doesn't make sense, but I like it. I don't know why. I don't know. All right. So I want to talk about it. I want to talk about it. It wasn't good. It didn't make me feel hard.

I think it was because it was a, I think it was Egyptian joke. Yeah. I think it's a bit of a round. But it doesn't make sense because they've, they've held together. It's been really good. I know, but they fell apart a little bit. I mean, yes. I mean, it's been a thousand years. You I, they're actually revered and worked like,

because of how much they've stayed together. Who's talking like a millennium now? Oh, millennium. So it's millennial. Whatever, millennium guys. I would know. I mean, it's the opposite. Like, they cut millennial just,

corrected me. And that's what I was trying to find out. I'm actually, actually, there's a normative term for that. What did my brain just think there was somebody else here that just left? I was just like looking around like, is this something else? It's a real shout. I am a... It's funny.

The desk says it is. It is, it looks real. Now you're married to a... Now this is a thing I want to get real. Now you're married to a, now this is the thing I wanna get to, because you're married to a man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It was waiting for it. I know. The whole time you went there for the last hour. I didn't invite him to the wedding. He just found out I was married. Yeah.

Shot. So you don't talk that off it. Y'all probably won't work out. Yeah. You're still not picturing me naked? Okay, the funniest fake, the fake spit tank. Fuck it, it's a virus. God damn it. So thank you for faking it too.

I don't want to ruin my new camera. But now, how do I, I don't want to offend you, but it's, it's, she was a woman. Nope. No, no she was never woman Physically how to how do you approach this you have to make it make sense for guys For people who don't understand it you understand it you live it you know what to say you know what the right thing is But I transitioned into this. I did not know all of this information So I know where you are. Okay, so like I said sex and gender don't match

So Lauren was born in the body that he is still in. He never transitioned physically. Right. But recognize that he was trans. So he is what is called a trans male. Right. So when you look at this person because he didn't transition, he is in a body that you're not used to men having.

But we're trying to make people recognize that men also do come in that body. So it's difficult to call it a female body because now we're being proven that a lot of men come in that body and a lot of female come in the opposite body. Okay, so let me get this straight. It's the bot, having a vagina doesn't make you a woman, having a penis doesn't make you a man.

Exactly. What's inside of you, who you believe you are, is what makes you the gender, right? Okay, so the body itself... They don't usually, they don't feel a real connection. Like, my husband doesn't feel a huge connection to his body. He's got phantom penis, which is like, it happens for phantom limb people as well. They feel like it's there. Lord always thought his penis would grow in.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's had like, yeah, I'm still waiting for it too. I see that Aussie dig. I don't know what it looks like. Had draw that. So, so okay,, it is... It is... It is not good at don't be scared. I'm not scared at all.

That's why I'm excited to be able to have these questions. You know I'm friends with... I'm friends with trans. You're even more than baili. You're friends with anybody. You're friends with anybody who will be friends with you. Wow, that's a real problem. Jesus Christ.

If you're a friendly person, you have a really needy fuck. You don't need a fuck. Relax. And you're so friends with Keith for fuck's sake. That's easy. Easy. So that was aggressive.

Wouldn't that aggressive? A little aggressive. Yeah. I love the Greek man, I love the Yannis. It's kind of putting little fucking stavros in his place. I love the Greek man. I love the Yannis is kind of putting little fucking Star Rose in his place Star Rose by the way one of the best Greek names in it is. Thank you. Oh my god In comedy other than Gus Gus is better than Star Rose. It's a Greek name fucking way better than Yannis

Well, it's a Yannis, we know it's Yannis. Yannis. Yannis. Yannis. Yannis. Yannis. This is the old man who sits in the old Greek cafe with the other old men sipping his presso and go, eh fuck, he's a fix itself. The Adgonis. Yeah, it was cubs that don't have handles, like just with the two fingers.

A little mud coffee. I wish you were here today. We did the other show. We were talking about who would you fuck as comics? You'd be on my list Jesus you's really throwing out a lot of What's the proper term? The Rodic

But is that okay? Check with the bloggers. Can we check with the bloggers? Men we were actually today we were talking about what comic if you if you had the fuck a comic a guy comic Who would you fuck? Who did you say? Um, you said little kev. What did I say? Little kev. Because he'd fuck me.

Like he would just be a fuck. Colantane, that's a fun-cane. Colantane's good too. I mean, I don't know him, but I've seen him. It's delicious. Like, yeah, like, some people were picking like, Johnny had that locked in the load there. They're famous. They're famous. They're pretty good.

They're famous, you know, they're idle. But it's like, fuck off. Or Bobby, you would be fucking hilarious to fuck Bobby. Me? Yeah, I'd be giggling the whole time. If you giggle, that'd be fucking, I'd be passionately looking at you. You'd have a friend holding a mirror?

Yeah. I'm trying to get you into it. I'd be like, no, I know you giggle. Oh, you feel that? I'm tightening up on it right now. I'm doing kegels when you dig. This is giving me an erection right now. I open a close my asshole like a fucking dolphin hole. That's a benefit to heaven a fucking bidet.

Is that the benefit? Yeah, and the water going in your ass again. Okay. Fucking water dick. No joke. Does it feel good? Of the best. Never mind getting the job. I have I have a new one. I had to you have the 6,000. I have the 300. Okay. But I saw you on TV. But the old one I had I liked a lot. This new one has a it's called

an animal function Basically with the end of the function when it's date night What what the end of a function does is that it gets up in there. Yeah, okay, and it literally power sands Like it's up there like when they're mining with just water God I was just so tempted to videotape it. Yeah, you see, think he has a character. You can't because if you get off the seat, you just shut down.

I would need help, oh I see. Is it your wife's, it was yours. Oh, this is Bobby's. You got it for yourself? Because Joey Cullo, who I love, and one of the nicest comics on the planet Earth. Who you would fuck. No, I would never fuck Joey.

Okay, alright. That's not nice. No not no offense I love Joey just not like that he explained to me one time that you know if you know if you use and dry toilet paper when you're asked all you spread and paint a bunch of course so it doesn't make sense it takes a shower after every shit yeah this is no there's a lot of people do that obviously if it's practical if I'm at you know if I'm out in the bow, I don't I don't use the Sticks you know running there and yeah, yeah, top of on the sink and splash water

Yeah, it's like a bird from your guest stage you Rent a shower and I used to squeegee. Yeah, that's why he's so excited about the truck stop He's gonna shit and then shower. I found if I'm home or I'm at my studio and I shit I jump in the shower Wow fast and then somebody wipes their ass would be out. That's cool. It's amazing. So, one song, Johnny over here.

Yeah, so I love it. It's one of the best things. Yeah, because it cleans you, I don't... I'm a fan of Johnny. I still use a little toilet paper then just to make sure. Just a little dab. Just a little dab. Just a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab of a little dab just a little back up a little devil dude dude it is Now I use the squatty potty thanks to

How it's done and dan soda that's amazing I love it. I have I shit like a fucking champion I have my wife hold my legs out Wish I worked in the honeymoon face Nine jokes I wanted to make but I don't like it's a wife was evolved I pulled back But now okay back to the transgender. It's trans. Took a bit. Okay, so now, for you, you had to, that's a, no, did you just,

how do you find out about, I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I love with him, please. So yeah, so here's what happened. So when Lauren and I first started sleeping with each other, I-

How did I let me get my day out? Yeah, this is the picture. I wanna read this draft king's out of you. Hey, man. You guys have dicks. I have my draft queens.com. Mine's actually technically a pud. Like there's a pickle and then there's a girkin.

Girkin? Good. Good. Okay, so when we first started, like I had sort of been with women, maybe I made out or something, it always felt queer, but it was like fun because I'm a sexual person, so it's like, yay, we're just doing this thing, but at the end of it I was like, eh, where's like the dude or whatever. So when we first started sleeping with each other, it was fucking phenomenal. Like fall asleep right after sort of like satiated.

Yes, all of those things keep going. Everything keep wasn't. Especially after years of terrible sex. Every day. Some part. I fucking keep there was up eating wheat thin to eat in the last couple of movies. Wheat thin. Lauren doesn't tell me to relax during sex.

He's like, I like this. You will like this. Anyways, so okay, so, and I'm telling him at the time he identified as a lesbian but didn't connect with it, didn't really like it, but we didn't know what. So, but I didn't even know that, right? And I'm thinking like, hey, this is going really well, but I'm warning you, usually this isn't my thing, but this is amazingly going well. Okay, then one time, this is about like the third, fourth, I don't know, fifth time we had sex right after.

I was just like, I gotta tell you something. This might be weird to say, but you don't feel like a woman. You feel like a dude, a buck like a dude. Like, it's very, I don't know how to put it, and then he starts crying, and I'm like, who says this while everyone's like, just-

That's talking right, baby. We, we, we, we, that's what, that's the victory right there. Yeah, yeah. You've got damn right, I don't feel like a fucking woman. There's no string on the roof and he goes, maaah. All the balloons start coming down. That's the funniest thing, because you said the same thing

with Keith, right? You feel like a man. I love to feel. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me.

I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me.

I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. I had me. And Emmy goes, yeah, you're trans, then this is the word for it. Here's a book about it.

And then Lauren reads this book and it is his life story. Sometimes you hit something and you're like, of course I was being misidentified. I never really connected with the lesbian community. I understood it was helpful for what it was because they're welcoming and there's an element that we're all understanding about it. So this happened. And then from there, we learned learned more about it and it's easier to transition. Now we only use male pronouns and everyone identifies them as male. Do you get?

Do you ever fuck up though? Do you ever slip? Yeah, but I said bitch. I mean, I don't keep the bits too. I swear. Men are the biggest fucking bitches. So you will all be called a bitch at one point. Now, does that bring you to like men?

Are you a man-hater? Does that make you guys? Do you just have the job part? You just have the job part? You just have the biggest bitches. Yes, I did. Do you not like men as much as you used to? No, I wish I didn't, I always wish I didn't love men. You guys are like, I mean, it's a lot easier to get along with, with your sex.

I think it's like this natural. You do think differently. And so it matches, I love my female friends, but the truth is I'm attracted to men. And that's just the way it is. Right. But so, okay, it just seems like, wow. Were you even listening? It just seems like wow

It is like I love the kids before go the mic for the right care about that you such a pro podcast there I don't need mics. I use my voice He fucking does have that day like No, when I walked in like and you guys were going out that's what I was thinking I was like y'all these three fucking know how to expect. You guys do it every day. I was like, they know how to go. Yeah. But like, so it's just, because that's the first time

I've heard, like, it's an interesting thing because it just seems like functionally, if you identify. Do me a favor, push the glasses up, so you can hear me. I hear you. I know, I, uh, I think it's actually, Push the glasses up Actually

It is like it is weird because Thank you dick gavill go ahead. Thank you, thank you. Come on, you fucking stocky Russian. I'm great, I'm there, you. But what is, I mean, what's the difference at that point of just, I can't even actually ask the question anymore. You know what? I don't want to lose.

Don't waste your time. No, I mean, it just, it just, like, it it just seems like pretty much that's what a lesbian I mean, I know this is sort of ignorant, but it's right out just say I'm What I'm fucking dinner right now, I really look like a system manager at a girl You do I'm sorry that was what I'm trying to get But yeah, what is the difference then like functionally when you're not transitioning out of the bot like you Seem a body town hall meeting or something. Yeah, I'm trying to fucking learn, you fucking idiots, I'm sorry.

Can I ask my next question professor? So what is gender study class? You're saying it, you're a little nervous saying it. No, I'm just saying, what's the difference? If you stay, basically seems like the only difference is the pronouns, you know what I mean? If you stay female body, you know what I mean? Like if you stay Feet my body and but so what I just that's what I'm asking is like what how does that?

Okay, the difference is I've never given I've never given the bomb band in it for just a serious question Put you ignorant assholes. I'm trying to learn stop putting it on learning I've got an open mind. I'm gonna learn. Stop making it. I've got an open mind. I'm like, you asshole. I have the most open mind in the world. Here's my impression of that question. So it seems like there's a thing. So if it's like, don't bail him out.

Don't bail him out. Don't bail him out with a laugh. He's just, it's like, but you know, I'm gonna fucking murder. I literally want to hang myself., I'm gonna fucking murder. I literally wanna hang myself. This is better in fucking prick. The gang fucking big dick. Get in, get in, get in. Back with the hee shee wee, dee woo, ow, dee.

So when I respect it or what when I respect? What these things said. All right, whatever that I think that's. Oh God, you fucking mumbled it. I don't know what your question was still. Okay, what's it, what's it? We're struggling, I didn't know. Zirke, help you. Say it within Italian accent, it will come out easier. How do you fucking quit? I don't know what your question was still okay

Say within Italian accent it will come out easier. How do you fucking Do you guys suck each other's dicks? Is there a dick involved just say it? Fucking pussy's in room Thing is like it's the first time I think scuttle He's trying to say that but he wants to be you know he wants to say it right yeah it just seems like it just seems like what is the difference then in fuck you think it's I'm not gonna fuck you. You've you've turned you've stopped the person's curiosity. What's the difference if you were looking at girls pussy and your husband's pussy. Okay so is that the question? Stop roasting. You're gonna be a blowjob, what?

The aforementioned is the client. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna just be- I'm gonna just look up some articles alone at home without this scrutiny. I don't think I'm gonna- I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask you,

I'm gonna ask you, I'm gonna ask you, I hope you're, it's alone. You don't annoy your new roommate. You fucking booted out. Are you asking because there's a little certain someone you wanna know how to approach the right way Yes, just ask me now no joke kind of do you have any idea what he's talking about?

I see thank you you dickheads did no she the person I'm trying to communicate with did let's have our ago Let's see if she fucking knows He wants to know what the difference between identifying as a lesbian and identifying as a trans man? Is that true? When you're not transitioning. Thank you. Oh my God. See that? That is how you're off the question.

The only smart person in the room knew what I was talking about. Yeah, but she said it like a fucking human being. You said like a guy was dying. He really did. He just took a bullet. I want to ask you one last. Two tell, who could hear you? I killed him. He killed me first child.

It's an absolute end. And I spent it in a different way. I hope your first child is a trans child of Luca Brasi. Here's, I can't fully, I am not trans, but here's one of the differences. Imagine you're going through puberty, and everyone's getting, let's say, I don't know what's important to you at the time.

Let's say everyone's getting chest hair, and that's identifying everybody in your crowd as male, and so you keep getting misidentified as female, and everyone's calling you shee, and calling you by these names that you don't identify with. It hurts you so much that there are people actually killing themselves because there is a difference.

That's the way. Whether you understand where the line actually is, you know that there is a line, and when you get misidentified, I mean, maybe you could relate it to your name and people constantly mispronouncing your name. He keeps thinking you're Italian. He's a real Italian.

This is what you just said, what bothers me. Even if you don't believe in it, even if you don't buy what you're saying, even if you're like that, a woman to woman, a man's a man, blah, blah, blah. When somebody's feeling... That's dangerous too, but okay. Well, if you, if you, if you, there's people that believe in that. Of course. But here's the thing, we're all human beings. If someone's feelings are hurt, if someone's sad about something, if someone's really troubled and they, they just want to be recognized as that, or they believe something, and it kills them inside to have other people treat them that way, why would you do it?

Who, what the fuck? Even if you don't believe in it, even if you're religion, whatever your thing is, why would you want somebody to hurt? I don't get that. But I don't care about it. I don't believe in it even if you're religion whatever the whatever your thing is why would you want somebody to hurt i don't get that but i don't care about i don't care about it further more why wouldn't you think that it's an awesome thing variety and it's always good yeah but you're coming at it's good i like that yeah it's always good it is what one you was for president that's not real that's not reality

what you're saying is right but it's not reality no one is that it works reality it will be it will absolutely will be but with because we've come so far so fast we have and i know people are good will it needs to be faster of course but i mean we i want you to imagine this i'm the only woman in the room to maybe i'll be the only but maybe you have

Way to you don't know that you don't know how I identify first of all I want to say something My CB radio name is not To Tontessie I need you Kathleen Borsetti Imagine if you're female a man that will never make fun of your period because he knows how fucking fucked up It is because he gets one to yeah, that's fucking awesome That is awesome. It is awesome. You don't have a wife Way too you have a wife that's fucking from the bottom of your asshole. I like it, you wanna fucking awesome.

No, Yannis is saying. It's awesome. Because I know how hacky it is, but I have to keep choking. No, wish I was more comfortable. It looks like it because you're half woman because you have fucking Mauricia. I have always been fascinated with people who were born in the wrong body.

It's something that is a reality, and it creates variation within. Look, there's no urgent need for us to reproduce in this society. There's too many people on the fucking planet. Gay people are the most natural. I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that dude. No, you don't know that because you never fucking reproduce. I fucking made a life and when you make a life with somebody that you give a fuck about it's in a it's one of the most amazing things.

I didn't say it wasn't. Yeah, but you know we don't need to make fuck out of that. I think it's a medical perspective. I know I'm saying from a natural perspective. People say it shouldn't. I hate when people say it's unnatural. First of all, what is unnatural? What is outside of nature?

Everything. You know what I mean? It's not just natural. First of all, what is unnatural? What is outside of nature? Everything. Well, there's nothing there's natural. What they're saying is straight sex is natural, which means politicians are going, it's better if you put a dick in your mouth and like something else. No, no, no, no. It's how you get off. It's how you bust and not who cares what you're doing. Who you gonna tell me who to love? That's not you. Scientifically, okay? Scientifically. You're going down a road, you may not know about that. Hang on, scientifically. Scientifically.

I heard too, that's the impression. I think I just told you to relax. I said that's the way you should say, relax. I care about you, relax. I really don't want you to find it. Whatever you need, do you need me right now? Cause I'll help you relax. What I'm saying is that sperm is to make a life.

A penis is shaped and goes into vagina and just comes out and there's an egg inside there. You can swallow it. You're not supposed to swallow it. You're just not supposed to. Don't you ever. You're not supposed to. I'm not saying honey.

I'm not saying that the hang on radio. Hang on, I'm not saying that. You're breaking it here. I'm not saying that you're not supposed to. You can do whatever you want. I don't care. I'm not saying that you're not supposed to. I'm not saying that you're not supposed to. You can do whatever you want. I don't care. I'm not saying these are my beliefs. These are my beliefs.

I'm not saying these are my beliefs. I'm saying you can swallow, just you can do whatever you want. But I'm saying it's scientific that sperm makes a life. It goes in the vagina, okay? And you're supposed to make a baby with it. What we've done with it, okay, what we evolved with it is fine. to make a baby with it. What we've done with it, okay, what we've all with it is fine.

We didn't evolve a bit, like, no. Now we were always like, look at the bottom of the chips, all they do is have sex all day. Do they swallow each other's chips? They have homosexual sex, which a lot of species do. And the most non-violent species on the planet. They're not sexually fucking impressive. Hang on first of all, they're not judging.

Hang on, hang on. We had a great fucking joke, we got to stop. I said, what animal swallow is this? And he said the swallow. That was a very clean joke. He's gonna know something's on this fucking. It's gonna be just about the dick. I just don't, I understand.

I understand why people don't understand it. Do you understand? I get it. I understand why people don't understand it. Do you understand? I get it. I understand why people like, I don't get what the fuck they talk about. I get it. I'm cool with it. I want you to be happy. Whatever the fuck makes you happy.

I don't care. You're getting what you know. We need for people to get that what they don't know personally still exists. You have to be more unnatural than putting glasses on? Nature says your glass and your glass go. Right, more God fucked up. You have people you've been born. But we, we, we, and people being born,

no exaggeration with literally three heads. God or nature makes fucking mistakes, right? Or make something weird or make something different that you don't have. Anybody mistake. I don't know what you're saying. You need to have Bob be stuck in your own eyes. No.

The glasses thing, first of all, doesn't make sense. We became more intelligent. We learn how to fly. We learn how to drive. You have a man. We don't have eyes. We learn how to fucking make glasses. I don't know what that has to do with any of this.

Where are species of technology? We evolve. We evolve. We evolve. I'm saying if you're going to call with any of this. Where are species of technology? No, we evolve. We evolve. We evolve. We evolve. I'm saying if you're going to call something unnatural, yes. Glasses would be prime candidate for the definition

of what people would consider a natural. Glasses would be the same. But what I'm saying is that when I'm talking about two different things, we have to. Yeah, he's talking about something else. Yeah. What I'm saying is that you're responding to two different things. People don't understand it.

People are like, look, you make a baby. You do understand it. They're just hypocrites above. That's not true, man. And hypocrites above. That's not true. Everyone except, like there's a sexuality's a scale. And there's some people who are ultra heterosexual.

Some people who are ultra homosexual. Everyone else falls about the middle. They have some sort of thought here and there. All women, most of women, master, but the lesbian, I think you just say your way there all women most of women mass you know you just you just say your way it is you're not you're not listening you're just often talk it's not giving my perspective yeah you have a perspective of fucking fact i mean it is a fact is not a fact to you it's a fact why would I

say it if it's not okay what i'm saying is is that i think a lot of people don't understand uh... i i come from an ir an Irish Catholic family that doesn't understand, not that they hate gay people, they had to learn how, they're learning through people like her or through Caitlin Jenning, Jenner, and what the fuck's going on? Like people like, what the fuck is that? And then they start hearing the stories, they start listening to the interviews, and they start doing research

and then they're like, yeah, I don't, you know, I don't, it's okay, I get it or she's cool because we're being exposed to it. It's like a black president. That was a fucking 100 years ago. That was fucking, are you fucking nuts? You know, we, but you have to learn about that. You have to, you have to be subjected to it. You can't just assume that people fucking get it because we would thought this is what it was, religious base, you make a life. You fucking have babies.

Now, I don't think everybody should have a baby. Maybe you never have a kid. I'm cool with that. I think having a kid is one of the most amazing things on the fucking planet. But if you don't, that's fine. I'm cool with that. I think having a kid is one of the most amazing things on the fucking planet. But if you don't, that's fine. I'm cool with that too. But having a making a life is fucking insane, okay?

Insane. And somebody's got a lot of people have to do it to keep it going. A lot of people, you don't have to. It's something that you want to do. When my wife said, do you want to make a baby? I was like, why are we going to make a baby? Like, what is the purpose of it? Is this some selfish, weird thing to have a mini me?

To see what I would look like? You're a go-in. You know what I'm saying? Are we making a, what are we doing? Is this to merge our fucking, I go, we finally came to the conclusion that we wanted to have our own family. You made a choice.

We made a choice to have a family. You know what I mean? To have our own family. My mother's over here. She's got her parents over here. She goes there for Christmas Love it. We're gonna fucking we're gonna have our own family. We're gonna have our own traditions We're gonna start something and we're gonna we're gonna take all the shit that happened to us All the misinformation happened all the bad things and eliminated and raise something better to have all the bad things and eliminate it and raise something better. We're actually making the world fucking a better place because my son is gonna fucking respect people.

He's not gonna get beaten. He's not gonna be told you stupid. He's gonna have the same dad as whole fucking life. He's gonna stay in the same schools. He's gonna have a fucking beautiful mom and his mom and dad are gonna love each other and show that in front of him and his mom and dad are also accepted of black people. We have Bailey, Jay and Matt are over the house more than any friend I have. He's gonna know a transgender woman in the family and a man that dates them and they're

married. He's gonna understand that. So I made the world a fucking better place by jizzing in a fucking vagina. So who can top that? Can you fool us? I just don't I'm sorry I don't mean to I just don't let people throw baby fuck it like people with babies I didn't say that to play devil's advocate there you could have adopted a kid and done the same stuff. I adopted you I'm doing that. I'm doing you and I fucked this one up and so I'm trying with a new baby What did you say he's gonna leave where you going?

Where oh I love you It is it is beautiful that Caitlin Jenner is explaining things to people, but I I'll be goddamn that now I got to respect the Kardashian What did you think of the bill bur outrage fucking manufactured outrage when he was on Conan last week or two weeks ago And he's talking to Conan and he was doing it as a bit he really was getting worked up and saying you know I didn't get to say goodbye, you know, I really I'm Really and saying you know i didn't get to say goodbye you know i i really i'm a little bit really really

people want to come after he's talk about her he knew what he was doing he was generating generating but it was really clear what he was doing that's a great i think billber is one of the funniest people on earth i don't always agree with everything he says that that's why he's one of those absolutely respect that he says it and he says it from an intelligent space and it sounds like an ape man

but it's clearly beautiful he's trying to hate muffin punchers so what what bill I saw I saw that I saw that thing I thought I understand why it's funny I understand where he's coming from yeah he's being busy here's why Pete but here's why people didn't like it right because he clearly doesn't fully get what transgender means and what she actually did. And I don't think that you need that in comedy all the time to fully translate to people. I don't think that he needs to be on a pedestal explaining transgender to people.

The people responding didn't think it was funny because if you understand what transgender is, it actually technically wasn't funny because once we learn a little bit more you'll understand that that isn't where the joke is. There is a joke there. But it's not, I get why people are up in arms. I get when you're being misidentified constantly and then you know a giant guy continues to do that and he you know he has this very particular following that's also going to mismatch what he's saying with like some other bullshit. I get it. But it's passing. It's going to pass. It passes. And it's just another reason to bring up this topic and to have this conversation.

It's fine. And we need to move on. And I think the next transgender joke he tells is going to be even better. And he's only going to get better. No, he shouldn't shut the fuck up in general because he told a joke that maybe isn't funny to some people. That's it. It's just not gonna be funny to you. That's the one thing though. It is really, you know, whatever group you make fun of, whatever, there's people inside of that group that just can't take it. They just can't take it. They just can't take it. They will find something offensive in it's so serious.

It's so serious to them. No, it wasn't. Absolutely not. But the topic is so serious to them that it's not funny. I agree. There are some people who cannot listen to rape jokes because they were Ripically raped or their mother was or their sister was or whatever doesn't matter or they just obviously rape is a terrible thing You don't go to see the comedian who does rape jokes and if he does you understand that that is not for you and enjoy the black jokes

That he's also true You're okay with the jujokes. He just told also you're okay with the black job yeah you're okay with the jujoke he just told you say the other two jokes are there there's no bad jujoke but I mean no it's I mean when you rule the world make some jokes about us are we going on three hours oh shit no that's just what your ticker says we're about two two and ten oh okay good I think I but even in the transgender community they're careful what they say, because trans people get attacked for joking.

Like, you'll say the wrong word, and there's comics, and there's people like Bailey does podcasts. She has to be careful what she says, because they'll go after her. And she's not representing them. But not representing or saying the right thing. Look, there's people who are, it's just not funny. It's just, you know. and she's uh... not representing them but not represent us saying the right thing look this did just

this people who are it's just not funny it's just did you know what it's from some of the trans community because he's not transitioning and they're like well are you really trans well were you really trans before you transition you can't win you can't win you can't win a hundred percent there's always a p there's always a group that is not as you gonna have something to say.

But also maybe do you have to worry like, and I guess not, right? You gotta live your life, but do you, do you have to understand now transgender is the thing? How about the comic right after the Civil War? You gotta be careful what jokes you make. I also think like, Well, we made jokes about September 11th that Thursday.

But you gotta know a little bit of your audience. You gotta know what will make them laugh. And if you tell a 9-11 joke that's completely tasteless, you're telling a hack joke that nobody wants to laugh. That's you can't blame the audience for that. That's your terrible joke. But if you tell a good 9-11 joke, people laugh despite themselves.

You're gonna hear a good 9-11 joke. Oh man, that's so many good ones. P. Corale comes, he has a joke. This is right after that 11. people laugh despite them. You want to hear a good time, Oliver Joe? Oh man, there's so many good ones. Peacorelli comes on his joke. This is right after that, I love him. And he goes, my am, my relative's coming in town. They want to go down and see the freaking, you know, the site. So, yeah, I took him to a construction site over by my house.

I was like, yeah, building you right there. They're like, oh really? Taking Snapchat. Is that hilarious? I love the Louis one. If you can tell a lot about a person by how long they waited to masturbate after 9-11. And for him, it was between the first and the second time. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Jesus Christ. I was freaking that two weeks out. I think that it is, it's a, it's a, to, to, to, look, I've been learning about it for the last four years. Ever since I met Bailey and I know I Had a few of us still there

I've learned I've learned about and that's why like when you say he That's that's shocking to me. It's jarring because I'm like, huh? Oh, oh, okay? I don't know what to say and then I'm like, okay, this is it now. I'm I'm I'm better tonight With you and your your marriage with him. I'm it's it comes out better now. It's like him. Okay, it just comes out better now Next time you see him you'll see him more as him right? I got it. Why didn't your husband change his name? Lawrence a very feminine name Well now Lauren is I i mean you know you he's an actor he's built like loren henna c dot com uh... and uh...

and the chat by the way issue yet she's been taught i mean you let's see i'm sorry for i love how you your non-mic skills but i can't he is in the chat he said well it's all for keel uh... because i i mean i've met you get i of course i've i know him He is in the chat. Oh, yeah, he's in the chat. He says, well, fuck y'all fuck y'all fuck y'all

Because I I mean I've met you. I of course I know him And it's something that it's it's it's almost like a learning curve that my whole life I've been this is what it is. This is what relationships are this is what you do and then all of a sudden I'm subjected to You know real people who are different than me and I'm subjected to real people who are different than me. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, what the fuck's going on? And it's not just females. It's not, it's not, not chicks with dicks. Yeah, it's so many fucking layers to it. And there's so much about it that you just don't understand.

And now it's all being revealed in front of us in my life with you and with You know on TV and and it's it's not just you know, Caitlyn Jenner. It's not just Bailey. It's not just you It's can I tell the people who still don't understand it there is a Buzzfeed video that was done about us that I think You know tells like a when when people need a story, you know to sort of understand it's four minutes Keith and the girl calm slash buzz for Buzzfeed bzz it just says about how that works a little bit like that it's a good video yeah just a little story about i good i'll check that out yeah i'm good well listen i

you know first of all i appreciate you guys coming on that was real i mean i feel bad i got fucking heated i just didn't leave leave. I get heated and I should really not get heated. I love y'allness to death. That didn't seem so crazy. Yeah, but it's just when sometimes- You'd Greek, that's how we talk. Well, I lump myself in ex-meditary and do. You can pass.

Well, sometimes when people talk about people with kids, like, I used to be that, you know what I mean? And now I'm this, and I have some empathy for parents. It's a very hot thing. He wasn't talking about you. Can I tell you where he was coming from? Where? He was saying, and this was like completely not you,

that when people talk about the queer community, they talk about it not being natural because queers can't make babies. And he was saying the most natural thing is to not make a baby because it's just the same as this other thing. I don't understand that though. I think it's a natural thing to make a life. But it's natural also to not make a life.

It's natural to make a life. Some people are left to woman and to not come in her is not natural. It's not natural. I'm serious. You have to literally fight every bone in your body. I've had so much unnatural sex with men. Right. And this is easy. If I'm if we have insects, if we have insects, any woman, it's like, fuck, I want to come, I want to come. And I have to fight every fuck, I want to come, I want to come. And I have to fight every bone in my body to go, I'm going to pull the fuck out right in.

What you were saying is that if you're same sex, you don't have to do that and that's natural. It's natural that same sex people don't have to do that. Okay, but you have to, so what is he saying? You can come in. Come anywhere, baby. Oh my God. Travelking.com. Travelking.com.

Travelking.com. use the code word Kelly Jeff come on. They want to be associated with yeah What's wrong with you I don't come not I think I got it wrong. I think Yannis was saying fuck your family. Yeah Fuck you fan. I really explicitly said your terrible parent It's an amazing thing to as a man who's used your dick as a, just for me. My weapon, I mean, yeah.

Do you just wanna hurt people? I've used my dick to fucking blow loads and to feel good for a couple of seconds. My whole life. Two. That's natural too. Two, two. Come out that first minute and tell you a cop,

you know, you get the whole minute to come. I get six seconds. I get sick of you. He's telling yourselves that. But to fucking, to, you know, to make this baby and honestly, I mean, dude, it's so, it's unspeakable to me how fucking dramatic and emotional it is to look down at this, dude, when he comes, he goes,

Hi, when I come home, he goes, Hi, that was Jizz. He was in my nut. is to look down at this dude when he comes he goes hi when I come home he goes hi that was giz he was in my nut and then I put a bit of a jyto and now he looks like me and he loves me and he's he I'm teaching him and I'm learning from him and it's like this is fucking nuts this is what we did what happened. I mean, we were that little thing. And now, Oh God, I'm thinking my parents. Oh, oh.

But I, Oh, my, the off-mite king. That's it. I, I, I, I, I, he really is. It's just amazing. But I, I just think that it's amazing. So when I hear people, I get a little bit, I love it.

Anyways, let's go to the chat room. Uh, the, the, see you, fuck. You get it? He's getting it. It It is he you fuck. It is really is Something you occur of you have to learn. It's something you have to train your brain to. It took me a while naturally. It does it. Did it really?

I mean, okay, cool. So it's a he. It's he. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you about him. Yeah, but it's you think about other people.

But don't say it. Yeah, don't say it like you're annoyed. So it's you're all about tone. I remember you told us can I say some tone is important. Don't is important. No, it's not. I never say, hey, him, you know, you just kind of talk natural. Right. Well, Lauren was fielding a lot of questions from the other people to chat. Thank you. I think it goes by Hennessy now too, just to stop that kind of. Yeah, he goes by Hennessy a lot of times

yeah well Lauren was feeling a lot of questions and then someone asked what his favorite Bowie song is and a lot of back and forth what is he buddy said yeah good stavros I wore those glasses in 1981 someone says retro yeah that's why he's wearing them.

It's a fucking, you can't find them unless you're at a flea market and they're gipsy. They're $12 on Zany.com. That's why I wear them. Cheapest glasses you can buy. Alright, well that too. It's a fucking non-futty series. Now we feel bad for you. I'm sorry, I'm tired too.

You tired, Bubba? You're working. You're not allowed to be tired. What's the time? What is this tired? I will fucking funny. I will. Seven o'clock in the morning, I woke up.

You know what? I was up at six. Five in the morning. Wake the fuck up. One second. Don't ever trump me. You don't want to. That's right.

I said seven. You said seven. You don't give me two hours to do that. I don't know. I'm so tired. I still have to talk. What is she? What is she so brutal?

What is she saying? I mean, what did he say? You fucking dumb, Bobby. I didn't have any of that stuff queued up. It was like directed at other people. I'm sorry, buddy. Whoa! I'm so sorry.

It's what we're thinking. Pretty tired. Yeah. That tastes like somebody's asshole. It tastes like your own hand. Yeah. That's good. For the record, he put the gavill penis in his mouth. That tastes like somebody's asshole It is your own hand For the record he put the gavel That was on oh that was hot Yeah, right so people are listening to the audio

Can we make that a gift? A gift to me I heard it my soul was passed out All right listen one thing that's great is That was unnatural The Choden Crash There we go I hope Michael Fick said Congrats on the new studio it's amazing natural. The Choden crash. Hey, there we go. Michael Fickson. So go out from the new studio. It's amazing.

It's amazing. Thank you very much. I understand you had some comics here day after you put it together. They're shitting on them. That's what you do when you surround yourself with tassels. You're going to get that problem. This is a beautiful fucking studio. You should be proud. Thank you very much. And you know what? It's it's I mean, it's a lot because I remember when I did your show and I walked in I was like, holy shit. These in I was like holy shit These guys I was doing it on my kitchen table at the time Where you know and I had an iPhone and I move up to a mixer and I was like oh my god And you know, I remember walking into your studio and be like holy fuck this is actually their studio

This is their place and it was amazing. So thank you very much. I'm very proud I'm proud of of of of de Pu and i'm proud of fucking scopo kelly fastuka and every comic that's been on the show that made the show popular and of course the comedy seller gnome Liz Tony and his crew kelly's been listening to mic uh... yeah everybody's a part of this by the way rocker since you're accepting an award here it is

a By the way, Robert, since you're accepting an award here it is a giant trooper! Can I say something from 25 to 5? You're so on the money with my shit. I just yapping assholes. We got married. We got married. We're literally live streaming it on the Maui Beach. I walk up the cameras.

We just got married. We're walking over to the cameras. The guys there, I go, I just want to say, thank you to, you know, blah, blah, blah. I'm going on with my fucking yapping. She goes, what are you accepting an award? My wife, who just married us. Literally, somebody shut my face. Five months are even more. Yeah, and then I jizzed in it. So natural. Let's go around the room real quick. Stopper, what do you got? So I guess this is next weekend, I'm at Gotham with Tom Papa.

And you're gonna have to make a decision soon. And then look at that. Look at me. But you're my two dads. That's a sitcom. Yeah, that's not a man's sitcom. There we go, let's write that. He's all about the two people, right? Remember?

And then I'm wherever Bobby takes me after that. Oh. Good one, bro. What do you got? We have a tour we're very proud of. What do you got? We have a tour. We're very proud of KeithAndTheGirl.com slash tour. Get your tickets now. If you're by one of the cities, promise you'll have fun.

All right, calm down. I promise. No, I promise. So you relax a little bit. I've never made another promise in my life. Who would have won me in 100 data? I never promised to fuck with that. Who would have come with something to show?

Well, we actually are gonna travel with some people So Lauren Hennessy is coming Newsy Jerome Charles. I don't know. These are people that are Like our fans our fans of our so Ray DeVito who I think you guys know I do know he's funny. Yeah, Catherine Heller and our own Danny Hatch was our associate producer Then we would get to like the comedy store. We have Jesse Joyce's from at midnight very fun I do know he's funny. Catherine Heller and our own Danny Hatch who is our associate producer. Then we get to the comedy store. We have Jesse Joyce from At Midnight.

We have Paul F. Tomkin, Zach Sherwin, and up in San Francisco we have Marga Gomez. And we're still building the lineup for locals. And so we'll have local sort of celebs and stuff and we're traveling together. And we're also recording it for a documentary. Keys in the girl.com slash tour. That's great.

That's great. You guys are fucking goddamn entrepreneurs. We're excited. Thank you. Yeah, that's great, man. I forgot to plug my erotic Instagram account at Stavvy Baby, STAVBY, baby. I think I just wrote about that.

Well, you sent me a link. I totally will. Stavvy, baby. I like all the stuff. I like Stavro. Thank you, thank you, Scopo. And then also just Twitter at StavV Comedy. totally will. Stavvy, baby. I like also. Thank you. Thank you scopo And then also just Twitter at stuff comedy, but please stop me, baby. I'm trying to get it off the ground Oh, yeah, and you can follow my weight loss at chemda fatmast.com I really feel bad about this art lamp

I like it now. My goodness. How do you sleep at night? I don't I don't you can't possibly I feel bad about this art lamp. I like it now. My goodness, how do you sleep at night? I don't. You can't possibly. I feel bad. I mean, I feel bad that we trashed him. It's actually good. You're so bad to go on. Some old ladies like, where the fuck is my land? What do you got, Jay? It's just beautiful air. I have beautiful hair. I'm hosting Big Show tomorrow night, train wreck comedy in Times Square I've got meet Kaplan and Zach showin Regina did we got a good good line up me Meek Kaplan Mike Mike. Yep, I was said me it looks like me. You're an idiot. I have a way because of the accent You're missing so I can't get away with it. So hey making it like oh, hi

Yeah, he knows better now and he's like I got to stick with this forever. So, hey, making it's like, oh, hi. Yeah. He knows better now and he's like, I gotta stick with this forever. Yeah, exactly. He's never going to make me. I think I'm having an aneurysm. Got some, let's start my aneurysm. Let's start my aneurysm. I'm flying back to Australia on Sunday.

I got some dates, go to Jason Chetford. You're going to Australia, you're going home. Yeah, I gotta go and do some gigs, yeah. Do me a favor. Well, you've fucked Kelly for stupor while you're there. It's a mind you're done. And when you come, go that's from Bob. That's right.

He's a surprise. See that bit? That's from Bobby. That gizmo, jabber jab is from Bobby. Bobby, that's from my pod. Bobby wanted to say, when you come, go, dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Oh What do you got besides fucking a fat ass? Oh? No, it's a couple of why you great hair great hair. He's got better Basically what I got

Nothing I got nothing coming up the next couple I think I'm gonna try to take you with want me with one all right? Yeah, that'd be great. Oh fantastic. Oh, that's a good calm atmosphere that you have going on after he just said you can come with him I don't really go. That's really good. Easy, easy. I said I think maybe I will one day. Yeah sure, it sounds fun. I have some dates. I gotta figure it out. Deepa, what do you got? You can follow me across the board at R2DPU and- Yeah, I love that. Everything else, my schedule is just empty. So if any of my friends are running rooms,

bark up this tree, possibly get a- I like it. I like it. If any of my friends are running rooms barcope this tree Possibly get up I like it. I like it if any of my friends are running rooms barcope this tree possibly get on YKWD So hit me up. Oh, you just Buddy, I think you think I booked a show I gotta give hope somehow, but no you should you should book you should listen if if any of these guys in here uh... the states time and you have a fucking room book them you know book them i want to see you get fucking hilarious i gotta come see you please book me a just moved

i want i want every wish not begging please my friend book i don't want to do Thursday as sundays anymore we please not have me do pay me the same money and not have you some days and i want to find Thursday, as Sundays anymore, we please not have me do, pay me the same money and not have me do Sundays, and I want to fly in on Thursdays. That's my hopes, okay? That's good. What do I got?

You know your dates? Yeah, please. Is this gonna come up before the 12th of September? When is your tour start? October 9th through the 18th. Yeah, this will, this will be the next, this will be the Monday or the next Monday,

but yeah. Why are you missing Pennsylvania? Bobby's coming to building 24 It's not like a lot go get 23 and 25 Number six And then you're in from the 25th to the 28th you're at just for last Toronto Toronto. That's fifth to the 28th you're at just for last Toronto Toronto that's that's a JFL 42 you seem on the poster well now we worked that out my bag I don't sometimes sometimes you handed you you handed a nice piece of humble

pie just for laughs really gave me but lot of money. But it really, anyways, I'm very excited. I love just for laughs. It's a, I've never been a part of this. It's unbelievable, but do me a favor. Go buy tickets. Go buy the pass, you get to see all the shows, and you get to see my show. Go to my website, click on that, click on my page,

buy the ticket from there, and come see my show. You know you're going, so buy now. I would would I really want to really sweat he wants to impress some and knock it off your to-do list this is getting stupid. Thank you. What else we got? Is that it? And then you get October 8th 9th 10th you're at the improv in Fort Lord. Oh that's pretty hard. Wow easy. All right. You need a feature and And we'll talk. We're going to talk. I'm going to fucking fly in some fatty out of this.

I'll be in your office a weekend before, actually. So you can just get down there. Yeah. We'll work that out. That's why I love Stavros. Out of all the guys that's ever middle for me, you just work it out. You're like, yeah, I did.

I can fuck. I don't give a fuck. I just want to work. Yeah, I need a little money. I pay you. And then you get to yourself. Yeah. And you'll fucking take a train home.

I'll hitchhike home, little bindle. Make sure you watch sex drugs rock and roll. There's a night, there's three episodes left. The rat? You should be prouft. I am very proud of the show, and I'm very proud. I'm happy that people like it. The ratings have been getting great.

It's funny. And the last three episodes, the last four, whatever. Last three, I'm a little more prevalent than I was in. You and John, that, that bass story is really fun. Yeah, me and John, Al's who is just a fucking funny guy. He's here now, that's him. He's part of the fucking... He's a fool, that.

Yeah, he's in the chingolinks. I put a rig in. That sounds like an Asian slur. I got a piss. That would be me peeing my pants. Um, it's unbelievable show. Me and him kind of do our own thing. And Dennis Leary, Liz Gilles, Elaine Hendrix, John Corbett, who's fucking just gorgeous.

Um, he was late recently? He got shredded. Yeah, he's on, uh, I was speaking at Greeks, uh, my big fact Greek wedding too. He's starring in right now. Oh, wow. So it's the fucking great. We find out very soon if it gets picked up. I hope it does.

Yep. And, uh, we'll see what happens. But make sure you watch it. There's a nice retweet, tell everybody and go to riotcast.com and support all the shows on our network. Just give them a try. It's free. Get down on the app and hit a button and just listen.

We just added another show. We're going to another show coming on in a month or two. So it's getting bigger and bigger all the time. I think it's up to 20 shows now. And I'm very proud of myself and Rob's Branson everybody on the network and that's about it. Anything else? That's about it.

Alright, you know what did? Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. You