Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Back of the Bus Funny

Episode Date: February 23, 2015

Robert is joined by Keith Robinson, Monroe Martin, Marina Franklin, Chris Cotton, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill.   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Y qué es lo que es? En la network riotcast.com. ¡Vamos a ver, vamos a ver. ¡Tiene la verdad que me hagas un pleno de bros!

¡No es la verdad que me hagas un pleno de bros! ¡Departos, ustedes son! Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. That was trying to keep it like a comic-head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, and sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's intense. It's rubber-killing. You know what? It's not a topic, it's not a direction. But I love doing it.

It's a boring cast out. Time. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. I'm stuck. C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon!

C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon!

C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon!

C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! All right, what's up? We live after new shut the fuck up. Let me just get this out. I want to know where Lavanna with live. No, my just for better is not dry yet. Oh, it's dry. We live. Skopo, go around the room and tell everybody who's here.

All right, so you're left. We have Marina Franklin, everybody. First time on the show. First time. Yes, thanks for being here. From the very popular podcast. It's friends like us. It's friends like us.

Bitches who kill. Friends like us podcast. Oh, I thought I was bitches who kill. Featuring women of color. First of all, how could it be that? Well, we do at least one of us in the group bitches who fucking kill once in a while if the crowd is right so it's called bitches and sickle day

shut up mr. blowjob Jesus Christ here Have a minute a day. You gotta go around Well, you don't have to go to your left. It's not TV They can see you you stupid Jessuman driven off your feet We have a close-up camera on you right now Right there that you camera right there Can somebody help old man with his microphone please? Oh my god, you just stink. It's in your face

Now it's just blocking there you go now talk into it He's Pakistani oh shit Don't you dare call me back Um, all right, so go ahead scum. What else we got back mine room Martin's back here Loan up my row man shirt button up to his atoms I'm telling us they stay for you really really dressed like a preacher from little house in the prairie Stunner to be shot up. I know Well, yeah, man row you blowing up what has last time you hear you were fucking nothing fight

I'm still nothing now you got a bunch of shit going on. He's got some Right illuminati nothing. Fight. I'm still nothing. Now you got a bunch of shit going on. He's got some stuff. Right? Illuminati. That's all it's done. Pete Davidson turned down. He's got that. Which is a lot. Pete Davidson turned down a lot. This motherfucker's got a lot. Scooping everything out. Fucking god damn. Yeah, buddy. Scooping on out and then let's skip the the special guesses Mike Laura's go Dritty face my lawyer's Alright let's go to Chris cotton's here Chris cotton from Billy Africa

Jesus right Looks like a fat warlord from Nigeria I had to put these extra lights underneath the table. So we can catch him on the video. I got stuff. I got stuff. And that was my stuff. Come on. What do you have? What do you have?

What do you have? What do you have? What do you have? What do you have? What do you have? What do you have? What do you have? What do you have?

What do you have? What do you have? What do you have? What do you have? What do you have? What do you have to go to what what fucking ferry do you take? I take the ferry right across the whole body. Yeah, ferry right over the whole boat. Oh, that's nice. How's our apartment? How's our these past? It's actually very nice and a lot of sandwiches. It's really the frisky. I got all the stuff. I got sandwiches over here. Hey, you have another fat guy around. You know Now that way, if you see me doing heroin, slap it out of my hand.

Oh, the heck he thinks I'm the great artist. Yeah, that's a fucking great guy. Yeah, I'm a good guy. He's fat black like me. He's just, I made that racist joke about the black chick. Now I got him here, I can make as many black jokes as I want. Oh, they flow freely, just like that.

She's an A at the end of the world, instead of an E R. Can I already land? Give me a sandwich. All right. So, and then of course, we have one of my closest, eh, good friend. Good friend. Come on, man.

It was great friends. He's one of my closest friends. And he's got a very, you know, this, this how fucking, you know,. I love you and hate you You're here today to promote your special you one hour special your first one first I was special baby First one and in fucking 40 years 42 42. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry 42 years it took and my first special I don't have just about it You didn't need it because you were 22. But you're special. You told me was tonight.

Yeah, not this tomorrow. You told me you don't want to say that to you to make you feel good because you're at midnight. I got a special special special. What the fuck's that? Mine's at 11 o'clock. What the fuck's that mean? I'm just saying. Yeah, mine was that, it really is special. You got, it really bugged me because I'm watching the ad yesterday.

I see a little thing on Twitter and has a little kev. I don't know what's a little kev up to. Oh, announcing this jackass is special. Absolutely. He literally goes out at the beginning of it and says, the number one comic in the world, not the, the world right now. This little fucking modeling next to the great wall of China, leaning up against the fucking.

Did you see him in GQ? This comic house, he's in everything. He can't do anything. And he know what I want to hate him. I really, I see his Instagram come out. I want to hate it. But he's so fucking likable. He's just like like I catch myself smiling

I want to tell you something people I come in my room and there's a dog on the bed and what where's my where am I gonna sleep shut the fuck up how do I love you so much I want to watch give me a movie. Hey, Kevin has had a movie in two minutes. Just give me a number one. What are you saying? Let's give Kevin a movie with every funny white guy that's had a movie. Fucking Christ.

He just had a movie come out a week ago. Now he's promoting another one with another fat. I'm going to show the new one. I didn't see the promo for the new one. Get hard you get hard. Oh, it looks good. It looks funny. It is funny. I have a welfare. It's cock second. Here's the thing. Now Keith, you're doing your special. Absolutely. The little kev comes out and literally gives him like the, that's, you know, that's like the president fucking saying, you know, this guy's cool. He's good. Comes out and says, yo, this motherfucker, I wouldn't be who I am unless this motherfucker

wasn't as, if he was good, I wouldn't be here. But since he wasn't as good as me, he helped me come here. That's kind of what he said, right? So you call him. He's the Mickey of comedy. He's the Mickey of comedy. He's the Mickey of I'm trying to good comedy shot in one shot. Yeah, I was trying to good comedy A little Kevin a fucking in a yard with a chicken. He's shit's like lightning

And crap thunder come on you little fucking maggot I've been taking Dan soda's class it's every Wednesday I creak in the cat Hang on with a roly-poly black I hope you fucking do these limitations. I'm gonna take that. Okay, guys. That voice is trimming on. I know, fucking this. This is why I fucking, I can't, this is why I don't like her. Okay? Oh, Marena?

I don't like it because of this. I can't put my finger on this crazy broad. I've been trying to figure her out for years. She's not even home. And you can't. She told you though, I absolutely adore you. I love you too. Look what she's doing to you, years. She's not a his hell. And you can't. She told absolutely a joy. I love you too. Look what she's doing to you stupid.

She's just hitting the tangent. I love you, Robert. I love you too. I don't know why I like it. I love you too. I think I'm going to have you on my shirt. You're going to be my cause. Oh, so I could be the black chick.

You'll be Robert. Robert. I'm not as smart as Robert. No, that's the problem. I'll mess up. You don't havebing. Robbing. I'm not as smart as robbing, no, that's the problem. I'll mess up. You don't have to. We know. I was gonna assume that.

No, my told him yesterday I had crush on her. She told me yesterday she has a crush on Arty Lang. Really? Like a real question? Which I don't mind, but then here's the thing, she doesn't have one on me. She said I'm a, but you used to be. But she says I'm a different type of fat guy.

Yeah, you- You used to be a hot guy, fam. You used to be a hot dude, so now she sees you there. There's no crush on me. No, I don't know what it is. It is. It is, he's not my type of fat guy. What the fuck, fat and fat?

What am I? You already have a different type of fat guy. I'm not bad at it. You don't know what she means. It's different types of fat. Listen, listen, first of all, you're fat and I'm fat And I'm a different type of fat than you! How different?

That's a type of fat I'm not You heard that? I'm not fucking choking the talk, fat You're not acid, you're not fat And you tell me who makes us different That's good Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait I'm not supposed to be fat. And that's my body saying, yes, you're not supposed to be here. You don't have it because you're meant to be fat. My body had this day one. Chris was born fat.

Chris was born fat. Chris. Chris has been a dumbass. He was born with diabetes. He came out with a foot missing. He has diabetes, but he he doesn't affect them His body learned fucking deal with it. That's the next He was born in a toilet. Oh Jesus Christ

You didn't even he's that in We're going right in front of the toilet. I see this He told me the night I'm born to toilet wait stop stop stop not a city neighbor Stop stop stop not a city neighborhood We really born in a toilet yeah, now We're like a Johnny on a spot Was taken so she had to go I'm serious. I want to know is this is this true you born now why we know why were you born in the toilet We use your mother taking a road gig with she on the road Why would they even tell you that?

It's the story it's the family story you can I was Everybody else born the toilet. Hey, great. The tradition You know your brother was born in the budget Wait, you're outhouse This is real you really Hey Chris Chris, so you're so your mom, but why in the toilet though? She were you on the road with you on a but what what she's gonna grab a shit that came that's a little right? No, no, no, no, that's the true. This is so your mom had to take a shit. Yeah, to take a shit Okay, she's for a shit jump Chris come on No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no She don't know she was pregnant. She was, oh, no, let it do.

Come on her and fucking didn't know she was pregnant. My dad was there. I was just taking a shit. He was in the bathroom too. I'm not there. No, my dad was like, he's a rat. I don't know. I ate it subway and I had to take a shit.

And then a baby came out. I was like, what the fuck? Somebody left a thing. Get some of the name of Chris. So she was in a bathroom and she didn't give birth in the bathroom. She gave birth in the shitter. You can't wait a second It started coming out of her pussy. Of course, she didn't got off the say something. I don't know how to say something. Can I say something? I want to say that you want a woman and Keith, you know that you've had a son.

Yes. The vagina has to dilate the, the, the, the, the, okay, open up. So it's the way this is why, why did the details of that are shifty because does your mom have a big vagina? No. Because that's the only way you have a, the reason why it will be different is because my mom, my mom had both the squirrels, right? So her nervous is just science.

Your mom has MS? Yeah, so that means, yeah, so that means, that means, as a nervous system would be with, was haywire, so that day she wasn't able to walk. So she couldn't feel that how she Gonna shit if you can't walk she had the shit Fill her inside she was upstairs she was upstairs. She had like a walker So it wasn't that I was a nervous system at that time wasn't going so wait, man Let me I get a back up because people people listening. I need them to get the details

So it's not a the sizzler it's or a bathroom. No, it was at the house. It's not a scissor for you to go. Black people go to the scissor. You can't even exist anymore. Oh, it's out. We have to have a family. Yeah, it was the most fun. First of all, it's not black people. It's fun Koreans in Mexico. It's a good scissor.

Get your racism right, OK? No, so it's at your house. So she goes in to use the bathroom to take a poop. Yeah, and then you came out. I just didn just in was but but did you come out with poop? This was she said I after all this is why your color skin is Women sit when I give them breath baby Women do that happens a lot, but I know according according to what my I said this is what she said I don't believe when I told her she said two things First of all, she didn't she didn't get anything out. It was just me first. Nothing else came out

Right didn't believe that if you also said it in test of water another thing on your chest How adorable that just said chunky baby just stuck in a toilet. Oh, so it wasn't trying to, it wasn't trying to get rid of you. It was just, I think she was trying to get rid of it. Oh, no. She was trying to get rid of evidence. Not today. So you came out in the toilet.

You didn't go in the water. I came out, according to her, I didn't touch her. But she didn't in the toilet. You didn't go in the wall. I came out that cordon hiding, Tessu. I don't know. But she didn't have any help. Did someone come up and I mean, yeah, it was the story after that. And then she went to the room. But she know that she could get off the toilet. She didn't have to stay there.

She got off the toilet. So you came out one push. Wait, man. I was, yeah, she think you were a shit. She thought I was going to be a shit. I mean, like that over a story first. This is how it started. I'm going to get excited.. I mean, like that over a story first. This is where it started. I'm here, excited.

Let's go. No, you shut your mouth. Did anyone help her while she was shitting her? First, you walked there. Hold on, you shut your mouth. She walked there with a walker. Yeah, it doesn't sound like that. Yeah.

All right, wait, there you go. On the toilet, right? Yeah. Blroom. And now she's got a crack. She's got a crack. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I didn't like the noise. I didn't like the noise. I love this stuff. That's not how crack. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, the grab stupid and one arm that the wall she didn't she didn't she and this

way it gets weird is she crawled she has to get weird this is the story it what she crawled from the kids from Bathroom with you in the vagina and we know when we what still what she did what she did to record tag and everything she she fucking military crawled from fucking how do I run it back she held you like a run it back she had to run it back yeah military crawled from the bathroom to the backroom because you know we always had one we had to we had fucking I mean well Was it got a phone on the first floor in the second floor?

Nobody was First is told this story to nothing but white people now. It has Yeah people now it has why people shut you raise the first care to people. I can't come. He has black people. I just don't tell this. I'm going to follow my life.

I never tell this to anyone. But why was no one there when she has a message? She's pregnant and she's got a lot of my dad. I'm sick. Where was she? Where was she? Where was she personal assistant? We born early.

We broke. Where the fuck can we get pregnant with? Since it's early. We born early. I don't know that. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, but wait a minute, give him birth. That doesn't cost you anything. That's free. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

So what you're saying is your mom had to take a dose. She went upstairs in the room. She takes her walker, goes into the bathroom, pushes out at you instead of a shit. She military crawls on the ground. I remember so she had to move the walk. Did she talk on the microphone? We're on a fucking show, don't you?

How do you think Mike's gonna do that? You don't want to get value on the mic? Just a microphone. Yeah, that's a microphone, all right. 40-something years in the business. So she kicked the walk out of the way. I mean, yeah, I don't know how she moved it. I wasn't there.

Why didn't you watch in the amount with these lines? She's telling it. You can remember half the story, so I had I only get secondhand accounts I get the account of when my god paying God there which uh Reverend time he's my god. He's my god. I'm not I'm gonna check on Reverend I will check this story

Hang on one second his wife came and got this podcast. She's got real blood You know I don't know any of this people Podcasts just got real blood She came and got me and she had a they told me the story who cut the court Reverend time mom Rambo I got this and was a while before the camera. I don't think with that. I don't know. I don't know. Did you almost die? You just said that. I'm not a ex. That's right.

You asked it right now. You asked it in the ambulance? I asked it in the ambulance. I asked these questions in the ambulance. He's a question. I asked. So, I hate you so much. I don't know.

Why do you hate us? I don't know. This explains a lot about you. So where did you get the speech impediment from? Do you have a speech impediment? Oh, I haven't heard you. He sounds like Russell Simmons. You wouldn't have a speech impediment.

You put in a fucking toilet. That's a boon in the toilet. You didn't even even came. I was born under a log. I'm a poop log. I went to breathe and shit with my mouth.. I'm a poop log. I'm in my first, I'm in the breathing, shit with my mouth when I was, I had a big pimping, I'm in on dinner.

He better start here, shit on his tongue. That's why I have him on the show. Oh, he's fucking, I love the shit mouth. Alrighty, where did you, dude? What the fuck? You have a, I never know now, this this the only thing I think of is the speech of city Chris. She's not Chris.

Smells like shit. That's a, that's a fucking story. So I know, listen, I know we got sidetracked, but back to fucking fatness. I'm offended that you don't think I'm sexy as a chunky guy. And you look, uh, one I can't find you sexy. You're married. Oh, that's long. Can someone please take this?

We just don't like me. I can't. I don't, I just turned it off. I think she knows you. Let me ask you. And she doesn't want to reveal that. Do you remember sexy Robert Kelly when Robert was never around for sexy Robert?

I'm not the bottom sexy Robert Kelly. First of all, that's for sure. Why was never around for sexy Robert Kelly? Go back low and order. First of all, you were. That was a version. That was a version. There was a version of sexy Bob when I lost weight

the last time when I was bald and you actually compliment you you oh my god you look really good and I lost all that weight. Remember when I lost all that weight. I'm trying to make a remember you sexy. I'm trying to remember that. That you like me. It's not coming back to me. Was that when we were at the steakhouse? I'm mad. It's not the steak. I tell you what the steak is. When you go to those dinners, you know with no that no, I didn't take you but no I was thin Around in 2007 2008 Something about already that was a year in a bear

He's I absolutely I'm attracted to him. He's my kind of guy. What is your kind of guy? He's like, he's adorable. He's sweet. He's funny. He's offensive at times. I don't know.

He's going off. I love to lick your black pussy. I like to make him racist jokes while I'm eating your ass. I think he's cute. I don't know why he says he's unattractive. I'm not saying that he's unattractive. I'm not saying that he's unattractive I'm just saying that if you like one big baguette you should like another not necessarily Well, is that you there? Huh? Yeah, that's that's that's right after

Let me see Bob that's right after sex Bob two weeks of being sexually Fat again. That's that's right after and before a sexy bomb. I'll show you a sec. You want to see sexy Bob? You want to see Louis Goldberg. Like that. There you go. This sexy Bob.

There you go. That's sexy Bob. That's sexy Bob. Let me see if that's sexy Bob. Yeah, that's not a bad one. That's a bad one. I prefer you like this though. This guy's too.

Yeah, like this. I prefer you like this. Really? I don't think that's a sexy Bob. This is a sexy Bob. I prefer you like this. Really? Yeah. I don't think we talk about something for a second. Now this was a stage when I was in shape and I took these photos and I was trying to be all fucking sexy and shit. I mean, but now that I'm in my, I think at a certain stage as a comic, when you're in your 40s, stop taking your shirt off. Stop fucking posing sexy, okay? Unless there's a photographer saying, do this.

Because you know what, I'm not the fact that you're at the gym and you have a shirt off or you're doing some weird shit, there's another guy has to take that photo. Whatever fucking guy that's beneath you, and that guy, hey, take this photo. He has to lie on the ground and like as a man

and take a photo of another man with a shirt off, you fucking cut. But doesn't your tolerance for that? And when you're in your 40s, but you get a little chubbier, and you don't wanna take your shirt off no more. You know what I mean? Cause now that you fat, you know.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Wait a minute. I don't, I don't want to take my shirt off now. But if I know if I had a six pack, I'd come in here with a grease belly and everything. I'd be looking good. You wouldn't. Yes, I wouldn't. I would always show my stuff. No one wants to see it. It would be way too fucking old. It's not. It would be even if he had a six pack of wrinkles, six packs. It would be ashy. It's not gonna be a wrinkled six pack. Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, it's a hoagin body. Oh, brother. He did, did you ever have a six pack? Yes, I did. Yeah, he had from the liquor store. You can. No. No.

I was real thin, remember. I was really thin. We were all real thin. No, really? It was funny, you know? I know, I know. That's not your fault fault you born in a toilet Around

Put that right there the first bomb Dana has gone to Monroe Looks like Paul Blark mall cop Right It's my special special day. All right, so it is your special. I really want to I really want to focus on that for one second before we get carried away with Marina's fucking crappy taste. Arty Leng is that crappy taste? Well, if you like fucking all fat guys, I don't agree with it.

You just see you got a lot of them. I'm jealous. I'm jealous. You shouldn't be. You're married. You're, you're, you're an even. I want to be like to my sister like you That was but that was sexy bomb

I can confirm that I can verify this And She had here I remember when Bob was sexy when Bob was sexy. You remember when Bob was just hitting on him too. And Bob would do nothing but lift his shirt up like Will Silvin's. I never did that.

You're lying. You're lying. Well, you were six minutes. And Amsterdam. Yes, six minutes. First of all, let me explain something and answer the first time I was there. I was told this story recently.

I went to Amsterdam and I got smashed so bad by Patrice in this asshole that I'm not even kidding. I almost cried like it hurt so listen they would make it fun to me they were teasing me so bad it I almost I I was trying to laugh but then I got mad you forget mad and when you get mad tears come out, you know, you know, and sad meets mad. Right? That's me. You know, sad meets mad. That's crazy.

I can't, I, I fucked up because we're doing the show, the show, and then we're doing these black shows called The Bounce and Amsterdam. It's sold out fucking crazy shows. And this one, Pauliest of shirts came in. Remember, black Pauliest of pants, we're in for a second. No. All right, well, you guys know we were, we were, we were seven years old.

He was in the toilet. All right, for a second. He was coming out of the toilet, that story half. You go wrapped in black Pauliest of pants. So, so I bought this black shirt, black Pauliest of buttoned down shirt, and I bought these black black polyester pants, but I didn't know there were bell bottoms. So when I came, when I walked out of the hotel, I looked like I was wearing an evening gown.

Because it went from my neck down to, and they kind of belled out of the box. He's fucking out. I started talking to the bear, and as they came out, came out one look and they did a double what the fuck They they smash me so bad I remember I was looking up the window I was laughing But I had my head on the window and I got that's what mad mad sad and I was like That was a beautiful smash. Yeah, beat of insubmission. Oh, man, beautiful.

And I had to go out on stage. I had like a sh- I remember my set was weird, because I was thinking, you were in a dress. It is weird. You were in a show and gave. You were in a show and gave. I was talking to a woman in a dress.

Anyways. So we, you're doing this special. And here's the thing, this is what I love about it, is that, you're doing this special. And here's the thing, this is what I love about it, is that there was a time when you did these specials that you had to be chosen by somebody, a network, to do these things. That's it, you are like anything, you had to put together something

and then a group of people would come and see you or watch it and they'd say yes or no and you had to live or die by that. And it's suck. Because a lot of people that probably should have specials, didn't do specials. And now with technology and the way we do things, and by having superhuman fucking Wally,

how famous people behind you, like Kevin Hart, I don't even know what the fuck. I said Wally, you guys just lifted me away. Yeah. I don't do know what the fuck. I said, Wally, you guys just looked at me and went, yeah, I don't do a quote like, the movie Wally. I was ready, I was like, oh, he's gonna print it out. I was waiting for Ollie. I'm ready to space it.

Ollie, who? Wally, howdy. You already thinks you're ugly now. Wally, do you think it's ugly? No, I don't. No, I told you, you're not hearing massive, that you just don't know what I'm talking about. You think you're an ugly fat pig, I don't. No, I told you know, you're not hearing massive. You just told me. Yeah, she thinks you're an ugly fat pig, you cock second-fag.

Robert, listen, I find you extremely... What if I age a pussy like this? Uh, uh, one, two, three. Give me a cookie. Four. Where's Nick DePaul? Five. Monroe, get in here.

Where's that pumpin' nickel fat guy I have on my show? Marina has a boyfriend. Why the hell you talk to him? Listen. Why are you gonna put the throw that in there? So anyways, my point is, is that now, you can do your special. And I love the fact that Kevin Hart, and Chris Rock, I believe, was involved too, right? Who he was there.

There was there. But Kevin Hart actually fucking said fuck it and did the fucking right thing. And back to his friend who was one of the funniest guys we know offstage. Offstage? No, no, no. Onstage, you're good. You're really good on stage. Offstage? Holy shit if we can film that. No, no, no, no. On stage, you're good. So you're really good on stage. On stage.

Holy shit, if we get to film that. Well, he's mentored a lot of people, and it's finally good that it's coming back to him. Right. I mean, I remember when Keith took me out of doing my horseshit. Yeah. Because I was on stage. That's where I got that sassy black woman routine,

because I was on stage doing it, because I thought, I figured this would work. And I probably would have been much more Successful had I continued doing that Actually now that I think about it you may have taken me out of like something that worked. Oh, yeah Rachel fine-seen has her own show you're on my podcast That hurts But anyway, so yeah, I... Her new show's called Sassy Black War.

No shit! Wow! Well yeah, you know, and it did work. Oh, Chow! Oh, Chow! You gotta stop doing that shit. You gonna be called Ou Chow? My baby was born in the town.

No, no. No, no. No, it's a goddamn sassy black woman. Well, when you end everything like, you know. I remember I was a two-shot. I never did that, but I was doing that. Remember, and you called me out. And also, I thought I had something to say.

You took me out of that horseshit, too. I was like, you got to have something to say. Yeah. So you want to choose your head into the alternative. And that way you probably would have been successful ahead and turned out alternative. I wish you give it that speech before this podcast. I'm getting a hit. You're doing great. No, but it is true that it look look man, the fact is is that sometimes people get famous and kind of do their thing or there's gold in one hand and shit in the other. You know what I'm saying?

Kev really fucking, you know, was taking care of with no no chains attached. Yeah, it was good It was a thing. Yeah, that's it. I say change. How often does that happen? Well no strings at times strings. I didn't mean chains No change It's right up there with Wiley. It's a war of selection steaks. So, oh, it's dumb. But Keith has helped, he's helped Monroe. He's knocked him around, Chris. I'm going to produce the second special.

He got my second one. 2020. He got the next thing. The next thing I'm going to be called 80 year itch. Oh. That was all right. 2020 Yeah, it's not gonna be back in the bus. It's back in the spaceship I can't we do sound effect effects on my with with

with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Billy go ahead do Billy Jesus Christ you know that comment about Rachel show you

Have to bring that up It really hurt you can't stop me Stop it just continue That is bar I'm gonna kill you. You're not gonna stop me. I'll stop you already. I'll turn your fucking mic off. Oh, you're bugging me already.

Yeah, keep talking. You can't do this. You can't do the voices in your head as it threatens. You know what I'm gonna tell you? You know what? Jesus Christ. You can't do the voices in your head as it pretends So here's a deal so you did this special now did you go to little cav or did he come to you? He came to you, right? Well, yeah, no, we met and it had dinner and I just had a Yeah, of course he paid. I got fucking really paid. Unless you're fucking pizza. Pizza sub shop. I got this plan. That's all right. That play was great. I got this play I'm gonna use my spot I'm gonna use my host money

So so now so here's the deal you sit down you have dinner you start talking about it and he says I want to do this, right? Yes, he says what what is he said? We're gonna do it man. I'm like all right. Well, let's do it then Okay, and then we just did it. He just want right in action right called Mike Berkowitz and we just was we was all Is Mike Berkowitz your guy now was, we was all about it. Is Mike Berkowitz your guy now? Well, yeah, well I don't, yeah, I guess so. He's a killer, huh? Yeah, Mike Berkowitz put it right into play

and then we, we were there, you know, is on. Right, is ready to go. Right. I got a damn good voice. I can actually hear my voice and hear how good it really is. Yeah, you should do radio instead of comedy. I should. I'd love to do your morning show in Philly.

Oh, next guy. It was a good friend of mine. Oh, you may know him, little calf. Wanda Sykes. Wanda Sykes, he's special. His head falls aboggin' me. He looked like air muffs. Hello, give me this thing.

Oh, wait, nothing will go wrong. Yeah, look at that, you the fuck are you gonna say? You were something was going on your head Keep that ADD Damn it, I'm not dreaming Hey listen, here's the deal What's up? Here's the deal man

He's sitting down, he says let's go And it just starts happening How long did it take from that That steak place that you went to Was it a steak What was it was towel and we'll do it right now you little cab your voice man now Hey, all right, god damn it God damn it Keith. We gotta do you special. No, stupid. Just shut up and let me start I'm a lady. I got all right you live. What's up, man? I'm thinking I need to get this man hang on one second

Yeah, no, no, no, I'll do that to get this. What's up man? Hang on one second. Uh yeah. No, no, no, I'll do that. Hang. Okay. Yeah. No. Com. All right. Yeah. No, that I will is good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. Go ahead, man. What's up? That was good. I want to get to the special one. One more second. Do one second. Um, no, no, man. No, that that that that be. Yeah. No. All right. Good. All right. Will you tell SNL that if they want okay, y'all do that I'll give me okay. I'll tell you I'll talk to you later. I'm sorry. This one. I'm done. So what's up, man? I'm I'm looking to do this special Shit god damn one second key

All right, no, no listen. I want four kids sneaker and I need the gold laces if they're not real gold. I ain't fucking with it Real gold like 18 karat laces. I the gold laces. If they're not real gold, I ain't fucking with it. Real gold, like 18 karat laces. I want gold laces. I don't play basketball without gold feet. All right, all right, go ahead Keith. What's up, what's up? I'm gonna shoot what you got. I want to.

Hang on one sec. I want sparkling water with half lemon, half lime. Go ahead Keith, what you got? I want to hang on one sec. I want sparkling water with half lemon, half lime. Come here, Keith. What you got? One second. Now, can I get oysters without the oyster? Ha ha ha ha. Go ahead, Keith.

I was thinking of concept. One second. One second. Okay, go ahead. The concept. Let me blink let me blink What you got Talking to fam famous people sucks.

You know that, it just stinks. It's no way around it. You know, someone's always interrupted. Mother fuckers, I wish we had, if we're back in no cell phones, that's what I wish. Talking to a famous person with two cell phones stinks. So what's up? So you say, you have the dinner.

And we get it done. You get it done. Now I went to it. I showed up That you did thanks man. That's the second one you came to I went to your half hour 2004. I went to your half hour Uh, what are you looking at because they saw that special That's my life Stay something funny reminiscing fucking old black guy. That's from Stacked my Street! No shit, we get it. He shows up.

He's got fully twigged. He's good, he's good. He's got Philly. What was the street you were going on? 30 second to Dickinson. That's what you had in the backdrop of your half hour. 17th of a warrior. Let me tell you something.

He walked out, I was in the back with... I was in the back with Colin Quinn, I think, and I don't know, maybe Norton. And he walked out. I was in the back. I was in the back with Colin Quinn I think and I don't know maybe norin and he walked out and it's it had a big it was a photo of the corner of 30 second and 30 second of digs and he walks out with that fucking jive turkey thing. He's got Yoke Roller with that white boy. I need a career. He rolls out. And then he turns back,

and he points, like he didn't see it. Like it just, wow, what, look at that. Like he didn't pick it. Like he didn't, whoa, shit, they just made that. He did all this. They just, they just did that. Wow, and he went, that's where I live, 37. He just made that. He did all this. They just did that. Wow. And he went, that's where I live, 37.

And it's literally a fucking just a white crowd that they shipped in that comedy set. And they were like, so. Oh god. But yeah, this special though, I went to it. It was funny. I was a little late because I had miso Neil, Georgia, who I love, who was late for things.

I know. She was supposed to have a barbecue at my house. I bought all the stuff and she showed up a little late. And then we wanted to beaten, and then we wanted to fly into the show. You didn't have to say we wanted to beat. We know. You were eating something. So I got to get you that barbecue. Talking to the Mike sweetie. I got you that barbecue

season. Yeah, then you should see it last year. Yeah, because my cousin has the... Yeah, Bob doesn't need that. No, he does. He's barbecue flexi. Barbecue Flexi I don't like her brain. She's just like I forgot to get you the fucking barbecue spice Cherry ruff that's Marina being sneaky and throwing something out there so you can get smashed Through the boys something to bat you around with. You know, it's going to get you a chair. Oh, brother, I've got to get you a black suit. It can replace you.

Hey. No, he likes it. Robert likes rubs for his barbecue. What do you keep bringing? Barbecue up for you. Shut up. Only fat jokes come out of the word barbecue.

Yes, he does. Bobby cute. We used to have a lot of people. I don't like the kids wearing the That jokes come out of the word barbecue. Yes, you got Bobby cute. We stopped. I don't like the kids wearing the bomb bed in like a skirt. Listen, so I run down, we get to the city. It was at Grammacy. Yes, Grammacy. And I come in and I didn't see little Kev go up at the beginning.

Oh, yeah. He went up and introduced you. I saw you come out. I got there right when you walked out when I lifted the crown Yeah, they stood up they stood up for me That is it when it comes out For three seconds You realize it's me. For three seconds. And then you realize it's not.

You know, just my alarm didn't make me move. They thought me, man, they thought my energy. Yeah. First of all, anybody felt your energy, they'd light themself on fire. I mean, somebody felt you, they'd do tick a shower, doesn't it? What?

That was a Rachel. I don't know what he got, okay. Well, I like I don't think that was a rape joke. I don't know what he got it, okay. Well, I like this. I think it was a bad joke. Not a rape joke, this is bad joke. You could get blogged. So you hit? rape jokes better. Okay.

Here's the thing, too, because I always see you, we're always at the clubs. We don't really work together anymore because we're usually headlining at the same time. Which sucks. Just back in the day day we do shows together. And we don't really get to do that anymore. But so I see at the club,

and I see little bits and pieces of what you do. But then I was the first time I saw you do an hour, and I saw all these jokes from the past 30 years, no, I'm kidding, from the morning. No, I see all the jokes that I've seen you be doing at the salad all come together. And it was I was like, this is fucking great, man. You really fucking ripped the roof off the place. You killed it. And there was one point. This is one I knew you were comfortable. Somebody said something. I don't know. You asked something and somebody said

something. You went, ah, shut up. I don't yell at you asked something, and somebody said something, you went, ah, shut up, guy. I don't yell at him. He's the way you yell at him anywhere. You didn't have that, I'm doing a special, like, well. You're not, right, not right now. Not right now, right? You're a shut up, god damn it, you stink. And I was like, it made me, it made me,

because when you watch your friend do a special, you feel uncomfortable, man. Because you're like, oh, please don't bump, please don't, please don't let this fucking suck. Because if it sucks, I'm gonna have to lie to you face. I wasn't like your first show, because you did your first show. Yeah, talking on the mic, I'm done.

Oh, Jesus man, because all the money's on that first show, right? Yeah. Because you feel like you don't want to bomb that first show. Because the second show was gonna be like almost Oh god, no not now Not the second show too Well, I yeah, I did the first show fucking it was done and then

The second show is the one we mostly used though because I was I didn't give a fuck Yeah, a little more energy, but here's what I did that was wrong. And what you did that was right. You worked on an hour set and did that hour. Right. I did all the jokes I had. Because I was supposed to do my hour a year and a half before that, so I had like an hour and 40.

Because by that time, I had a kid, it came out, we moved, you know what I mean? So the time I did my special, did your kid go to the toilet? I had no, my kid was born the way people were born. So you say in my birth little right? No, it wasn't. Yeah, you should have known that it wasn't a shit,

it was actually a human. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've taken shit that I thought were humans. But yeah, I had all this extra shit. I remember watching yours going, next special I do, I just fucking did it all and that was stupid. That was dumb of me to do. You had a great special.

I had a great special, it was great, but I wish I had just, you know, I think if I could say anything to anybody, you do get the hour together that you're gonna do and work that fucking hour. I did that the year and a half before. When we were supposed to shoot it, I worked for three months, I worked the hour just fucking, this is it, and I did it and then it fell apart. Because doing it on our own,

yeah, it's no good. Well, it's fucking tough. It's tough, because that's what it was. Me putting it together and then going, all right, now how am I going to do this? It was almost like a strategy. I figured out how am I going to get this through where the most people can see it.

Right. And little dummy has the most people, as you can see it. Yeah, little dummy's got a lot of people. Absolutely. He really does. Little dummy's got a lot of people, but you also, here's the thing, thing if you did it and it wasn't good

It would it still wouldn't matter you did it and you fucking annihilated and you killed and it's a fucking great special It's on this Saturday night. I love in the clock man. I thought I thought it was I told people Friday Because you told me Friday because I thought all of them was Friday midnight you This is how fucking annoying you are to be friends with. I mean, just fucking annoying. I mean, first of all, see what? Well, first you put Saturday at 12, too, didn't you? No, no, I put it to stupid.

That's what. That's what the, Lenny Marcus, and I don't see it any Sunday a screenshot. Lenny, I still want to bust him right in his face. Why? I mean, he actually helped, but it's still bothering me that he was that snooping around. Why?

He shouldn't have been snooping. He's trying to, because you're an idiot. You're trying to, you're promoting the wrong night. I have people watching some fucking white dude special tonight at town. You're in a morrow. I think hot tub, uh, Tom machine comes along. You're just, comes No, I'm trying to I'm trying to get him on this fucking show Here's the thing too is that like I know that you got a Z's is tweeting

Right Russell Peters yeah little calves want a psychs Wanda Amy Schumer Amy yeah Colin Quinn Colin. I am Colin Quinn I am a co-equent to do towards the response from Collins on I've been tweeting With that way we're having yeah So I got you I'm doing a special show for you today You don't a special show like a WD. Yes, man. How many how many how many Twitter people you got? I got 81,000 81. Yeah, how many you got you got at least have over a hundred for me to really accept it Right, I feel I feel I feel yeah Yeah, how many you got you got at least have over a hundred for me to really accept it right?

Oh, I know I feel I feel yeah But here's the thing here's the thing what you know you know who tweeted my special me you You you retweeted because I don't have Twitter fun. I'm dumb dumb Retweeted one one tweet. I got from you as a retweet Amy Schumer retweeted something somebody else tweeted The only fucking friend that I had that was famous that fucking tweeted Colin Quinn. Yes You know what Bob please important stop pissing people all That should tell you all you need

I would have tweeted math. Marina has four thousand Twitter followers. Oh, no, I don't. I have one now. How many do you have? Five thousand. How many have you got, Monroe? Uh, 86 hundred.

86 hundred. How many tweeted? I tweeted it. You know, I mean, I did. I did last comment and I got more followers from doing the mind check can we check who has does he have more than you every has out I got no six the

hundred I'm sorry you see I'm not I said eighty six hello he's a goddamn like Brian Williams right now I was there I was thinking with 86 and doing white scope of grab his phone. I got 86. I got 86. 32. I mean, 68.

Yeah, yeah, Keith has more. How many of you got? Fuck Keith. I got a million from five. They dedicated though. They like to tweet my 1500, like the tweet. They read tweet. You got a file of 5.

And cut it to one of five. And cut it. This is all this one. I'm hanging around a younger. But I'm verified I can Out Verify before 80s and whatever 86 something Placix 400 something with that you're gonna Twitter when it was over yeah, no, I get on everything when it's about it

The hours over with so I really do do if you see me on something. It's about over I was over with, so I really do too. If you see me on something, it's about over. But that's when I get invited to do the TV show or some shit. There we go. Yeah. You want to do it now? Would you run through everybody?

I was on Byron Allen. Like at the end. I was on Byron Allen when it wasn't cool to do it at the beginning. I was on when it really, really wasn't cool to do Byron Allen. Like when't cool to, it wasn't cool to do it at the beginning. I was on when it really, really wasn't cool to do Byron Allen. Like when they stop giving out swag, you know what I mean? When you get like a pen and like a,

like a, like a Starbucks gives the, the pedal to back like that. Like no, I thought you got a cup. No, we don't do cups no more. I got you a TV show coming on now. Yeah, TV show. I do. Yeah, I got a,

Colin's cop show was a funny man. I do. I yeah, I got a Colin's cop show is a funny man. And here's the thing. I turn on the show. This show is about you. This isn't about me film in Marin this week. This is about me doing episode of Louis. How about Chris? I'll be back on the week. How about Chris? Yeah, we'll go. You're on Louis. How about Chris in the tall. Chris on the tall. Who's that? Chris in the tall it Chris on a tall. Who's that Chris in the tall?

This is the show is about you show this show is not about my show and Sex charge the rocker. Oh, let's come on the next July that I'm actually a star of with Dennis here John Corbin Liz Gillies and What Amy Schumer and John seen about the punch John I was in that too dummy But nobody's in the movie thing you wasn't in the same Trailer you were you weren't in the trailer they were in the trailer We were in the trailer. Yeah, I know cuz I wouldn't let them do it. No, I said no trailer Because they'd have to pay me cuz of my sag thing I have to get paid more to be in the trailer

I have to sign off I think that don't exist. Yeah, I'm right. I was thinking, pay more. I'm all in, I get a hand. I love this. I love looking at these faces. Like a new sag face. So, you know, I'm doing things, man.

I know. So here's the thing. You're an Amy Schumer's movie. You got a fantastic scene. Fantastic. With you as John Cena. Trainwreck. And you, did you improv that scene?

Absolutely. She didn't write any of it. Trainwreck. Fantastic with you as John Cena train wreck and you did you now did you improv that scene absolutely? She didn't write any of train wreck and I mean you're not in the mood you're in the movie, but you're not Star in the They push me up the co-star They push me up the co-star Check it. We'll see you in the train wreck. Now this movie Check it. It's trademark.

It's trademark. Now this movie, we're doing the show with Schumer. Now the movie, now she brings you in, is it, do you improv all of it? I improv a lot of it, man. A lot of it. That's what I do. Right. That's why people at the theater, that's hard for you to do.

It's great improv. If you were the manager of a bank, I would think that'd be good and prof. Nothing. Give him. Please. I'll take it. Please. I know. I think it would work. But you know, it was a John son was good too. John Shane was good because I made him good. I made John. What? So it has seen his fucking.

Marita is John's effects. No, no, no. He's fucking. I hang on one second answer that question. Yeah, he's not my type I hope Marina goes bald Look at her Is it I Real out there. She's attracted the project. She's attracted the men she can build. You don't want somebody who's already together? Yeah, that's true. That's true.

That's why she didn't want to be needed. You may have a point. That's true. You may have a point. But the road just shacked out. I do want to take care of Artie. You know what? There's something that makes me want to take care of him.

Yeah. That is true. So if you're not sexy, you just want him to want to. I want to rub his cheek. All right, this is about Keith. We're going to get to it, Marina, at the to want. I want to rub his cheek. All right, this is this is about Keith. We're gonna get to it Marina at the second half. Oh, sorry. So Monroe, keep your questions.

Get them ready because we're gonna we're gonna dissect you on the second half of this podcast right now before we go to break. Yes, man. I was talking about train right. I know train wrecked your in. I'm in a team. Who's in that movie?

I mean, it's like this. I wanted to delete man. No, you're not leading. You were calling. He said he was a name. How do you go from fucking to seeing to call me deleting? It's like this. I wanted a Deledin man, you know leading you were calling How do you go from fucking a scene to call it deleting? I'm the third lead the third leading the show of the third lead second lead. I'm second lead. You're not second lead That's the fuck you'll hate her that's built Bill Hader is the second lead. No, they just push me I think you're back number five

Here's a deal here's a deal you're in the movie with her train right what else you got coming out Listen you said you said repeating yourself. No, I said I'm in train right but you got your special coming out this day I'm back at a bus funny and then followed by a train right Listen all right. I got on a train wreck. Listen, all right. I got on a train after the bus. I get it. Do you know what? I'm the cop show.

cop show. cop show. I want to talk about that too. So you got train wreck. You got, you got, by Amy Schumer. You got, I was on a nightly show with Larry Wilmore. The nightly show. All right, stop.

Stop. Everybody cares about those already on. I did star search, 90 cool. Yeah. Right after that, I did train work. I listened, that's almost, that's kind of true. It's very close to being true. You fucking can't book a gig in fucking 20 years.

So, it's a train wreck. So, listen, back to the bus, buddy. I love the wreck. I am DB Beach, goes from 1982 to fucking last week. Stats you into the trash! So listen, back in the bus buddy. I'd love to read his IMDB page, it goes from 1982 to fucking last week. I'm the resume steaks. I got a hell of a resume.

So now you're doing this thing with Quinn, which you're actually in a lot of. Yeah, it's called Cop Show. Cop Show, motherfucker. Is it a co-star? And I'm a co-star. I, you're not the co-star. I'm the co-star.

All right, you're not, I'm whatever. You're the the co star. I'm the co star. I'm whatever. You're the co star. I'm so good, but he ain't more like us. So now you're in the... You're in the shut the fuck up. What? I'm trying to promote it, the cop show thing.

Oh, the cop show thing. So you're on cop show now. You're co staring with Colin Quinn. Super son. And this is a... What is this show? Explain people to people that don't know, and tell them where they can see it.

They can see it. I don't know where they can see it. You don't know where the- You don't see it. All-line. Out of studios. Alex's studio. Alex's studio. You can get Alex's-

Shut up. It's called- Oh, shut up. Stop yapping. Listen, it's Alex's studio. That's my mom. It's the whole flush of- No, fuck it.

It's our- We're all crying. Really is like the fucking white chick at a fucking back to the red party. Listen, it's L Studios, right? Correct. Can we give it a try? L studio.com.

L studio.com. Backslash it. Backslash Cop Show. Okay, now it's Cop Show, which Colin Quinn wrote. It's a show about a show. It's basically Colin Quinn has a show about being a cop and it's behind the scenes, almost like a one camera,

like a documentary, mocky-mattery, exactly type of thing. And Keith is one of the cops in it. One of the cops, right? I'm a co-star. That's all around it, you hate cops. Yeah. Man, you like iced tea.

Don't know what they're like. I'm gonna tell you again, let me tell you what I'm gonna tell you. You like iced gonna sympathy life on that one. I'm gonna be the best. You gotta like iced tea or you like iced tea. Whatever gives the land. All right, so here's the deal. So you're on that and now you get your special coming out. So you do have a lot of shit going on, Rob. It feels good. You have a lot of stuff going on for a couple minutes. Yeah.

And then I'm off to Home Depot to get a little bit of the stuff. I'm gonna take this back. I'm gonna take this back. I'm gonna sympathy life on that one. Hang on. You gotta like iced tea or you like iced tea. You like iced tea.

Whatever gives the land. All right, so here's the deal. So you're on that and now you get your special coming out. So you do have a lot of shit going on, Rob. Yeah, it feels good. You have a lot of stuff going on for a couple minutes. Yeah. And then I'm off to Home Depot. Now, what do you want to part with? Are you going to be at Home Depot? I think the lightning department.

Oh, it's all about so much. Right around 12.35 tomorrow night. It'll be a lot of fun. I'm telling you right now, I think this special with the people you have tweeting it and the backing, the backing you have of all the comics, unlike me, which I did not have. You had a lot of back.

And shut up. I had very little. I mean, you had Dennis Larry. I had Dennis Larry. Right. Colin Quinn, Keith Robinson. Yeah. And that's it.

I had Monroe. Yes. Chris, did you? You couldn't have more. Did you tweet anything? I didn't know. And that's it. I had Monroe. Yes. Chris, did you? You could have had more. Did you, Twine? I didn't know. I didn't know. You don't got your ear to the street.

I'm not. At a time when we had not had. I'm not a force. It wouldn't matter. It's not as no excuse. It's no excuse. I think I did text you. You might have text me.

He did text you. I did text you. He did text you. Anyways, here's the thing. I did not reach out. You have a lot of people behind you, and I think tomorrow night is gonna be an actual, is gonna be a game changer for you.

I think I won 12.5 million people watching. That's not gonna happen, but I think, I think at least 300,000 people will watch this. You get some Twitter file, if it's 300,000, it'll be pissed. No, you're gonna be mad then, because I think it's gonna be around that. No, it's gonna be more.

A little cab, you get. 2.5 million. think it's gonna be around that no, but don't be more a little cab You do point five million. I'd say I'd say maybe I really do think tomorrow a lot of people that don't know the fuck you 8.5 I'm 87 All right, 87,000 people So listen, I think a lot of people will actually be turned onto your comedy. And people that don't know you because they don't see you

do a whole set, comics, and the industry is going to be like, oh shit, he's really fucking funny. They know about you. They know of you through other famous people. But you know, you watch a mouth. No, no, no. Well, don't try to trash me why I mean you're great but no one knows you now I mean that's right and I already

know I know he's standing next to the right person for you listen dude I'm you son of a bitch I did not mean to say it like that yeah you did it truth came out weird. Do it on your heart. Listen, we're going to take a break. I got to fucking read some ads. What did you have to pay? Oh, so bad.

OK, we're going to take a break. So everybody watching live, stay tuned. We're going to play some music from a great new band that gave what's the name of them? The band name is Zova, XOVA from, a reggae band from England. There you go. So you guys thank you for sending that music in. You guys have music, you're a band that you want us to play

during the breaks and in the live broadcast, send them to D-Poo, what's your email? Just find me on Twitter at R2DPoo and please let it be good. What? D-Poo. That's his name. Total R&M. That's his real name.

That's his real name. That's his name. That's his name. That's my name. That's his name. That's his name. That's his name. That's his name. Oh, that's a name. That's a name. That's his name. It means Charles in English. All right, give my body a name.

I will. I should have been Chris's name. That was me. That was me. We'll be back right after these commercial messages. Hey, what's up? YKW Defense. Yeah, check it out.

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Get your shave gear. Right, get mine. DollarShaveClub.com slash Kelly. Right now go there. Shave time, shave money. I'm going to go to the next page. I'm going to go to the next page. I'm going to go to the next page. I'm going to go to the next page. I'm going to go to the next page. I'm going to go to the next page. I'm going to go to the next page. I'm going to go to the next page.

I'm going to go to the next page. I'm going to go to the next page. I'm going to go to the next page. I'm going to go to the next page. whatever that is, goes back into the show. And I want to thank you guys for using the Amazon link on the page and tweet.io.com. If you go to tweet.io.com and buy some headphones for traveling in the house, your iPhone mic, not mic, excuse me, they have amazing headphones for a very cheap price. And if you go there right now and use the code word, what?

Dude, you get 33% off. That's right, 33% off. And you get free shipping and a lifetime limited warranty. Tweakedaudio.com, amazing headphones at an amazingly low cost and 33% off if you use the code word, dude, on the way out. I want to thank everybody who's buying my special pre-ordering it. It's at robbercallylive.com right now. You can go there. If you listen to this podcast and you haven't bought my special from robbercallylive.com,

the pre-order, you're a fucking piece of crap. That's all I'm saying. You should be ashamed of yourself. Assamed of crap. That's all I'm saying. You should be ashamed of yourself. Assamed, ashamed of yourself. So if you haven't bought it yet, it's $5, a minimum donation. Go there, put your bank card in. So stop buying a thing, a diacolc or some gum,

and get my special. Unedited, longer, extended version. I say fuck every fucking other sentence with no beeps. Go there right now. RobertKillerLive.com and buy my special. And also there's T-shirts up on the merch page of RiotCast. You go to RiotCast.com. Check out all the amazing shows. We have 17 shows now. We are the biggest fucking podcast network on the East Coast. And we have the best shows. And I have my new t-shirts up there.

Robert K. Leye from the Village Underground. If you wanna go buy it, you can go to the merch page at riotcast.com and order it there. I want you to really go check out my friend Keith Robinson special this Saturday, not if you listen to live. And if you, if this is coming out on money

and it's already passed, go to Comedy Central on demand and you can watch his special and you can watch my special Whenever the hell you want so make sure you spread the word about that and we are back right now I'm a wakka! I cast a great cast, I've got. All right, we're back. I actually didn't have my mic on. What the fuck's that all about? If only. You know what, dude?

I don't like the deep-oot. The first slam he's ever got on the show. To me, which was a pretty good one. I mean, didn't think about it. Keith was doing a ever got on the show, to me, which was a pretty good one. I mean, didn't think about it. Keith was doing a Kevin Hart on the phone. You two fucking assholes didn't even know what to do. Like, you don't even listen when he talks.

I was like a champ. I mean, what the fuck? I thought it was good, Depot. It's, thank you very much. It's a reputation thing that I don't know who I am, so they're not gonna give me a laugh, probably, right? Oh, listen to Connie. We grow to you. Reputation thing they don't know who I am something that they're not gonna give me a laugh probably right? Oh We Do you know

He just made fun of it because of the Indian community name a cash But do you know him? You know, you know, you know, do you know D. Pooh? We've talked outside. I know D. Pooh. Yeah But do you know him? You know you know you know deep who we've talked out I know deep who yeah, but I don't know you oh yeah I point to Chris who works here every listen I'm funny Chris This is a fuck I point to Chris who's worked with deep who for the last once five months, right? Yeah, I go you know deep He looks at me like yeah, of course I do like I meant it You know, D. Poo, he looks at me like, yeah, of course I do. Like I meant it. Now you're, yeah, a boo.

I asked me do I know. Do you know D. Poo? Hell, no. Do you want to know D. Poo? No. You know, Chris Kulp, you know Chris Kulp, though. Yeah, I know, I know the name. Yeah.

We got a, we got a detective name. I know his name. Chris Kulp, I was a detective, then.. Yeah, lead detective in some shit lead detective. Yeah How you doing I'm off as a scope oh Scopo and deep Now bounce on TNT right after Steve Burns bow now, now Shit oh god, all right, so we're back Do you want to sing do you want to sing some stuff?

Yeah, do you sing a little bit? Let me hear a little bit Let me hear a little bit I like that I pressure. I like that. I like this single. I just, I'll see what it's every now and then. Do little diner us. So you know where you're going, too. Do you know where you're going, too?

That's a hard one. You gotta hear it first. I like the single songs like, the folk singer type thing. Go ahead, sing something. Um, you left in the morning, I stared out the window and I think about where you might be.

That's pretty damn good. I've written you letters that I like to send. It comes as I was just a bitch. You were just sent one to me. Yes. Now I need you more than I needed before and now Where I'll find comfort. Yeah, I know.

Cause you left me just when I needed you. You told me. I didn't know when the record tattooed. I wish it'd leave right now. I wanted to make my brown eyes. Music 101. I Want to make my brown music 101 You want to show them were so full didn't you no I like that I like that I like a nice funky tune So you like folk you like folk you like that song it's hard

That song is a good song I don't like that song. It's hard to find. That song is a good song. That's not one of the best. That's not one of the best. What is it? Just you and I. What are we talking about?

What are we talking about? Oh, sweet jeez. Can I just say, these are the songs that she, when she tries to cheer herself up, because of where her career is at. I'm doing pretty good, Robert. I know you are. I'm kidding. Ow! I'm kidding. I'm doing pretty good Robert. I know you are kidding What? Come here, Bill Burr.

Come here, Billy. What does that mean? What is that mean? What the fuck does that mean? She kidnapped a guy. I guess I have a crush on Billy, son. You did? Yeah.

You never had a crush on me. You like me? Everybody? I'm not just pre-trimmed. I said that earlier. I'm not the middle of, I'm not somewhere in that. You were two put together with him, because she met you.

You're stable, man. I was not. Billy that you two put together stable Billy I feel like I could take care of too and away. Yeah, I know Chris more than me Keep your getting mad. You didn't know I had a crush on Absolutely broken Chris I can't kidnap her cat. What are you talking about Marina? Her cat wasn't her cat. It was a cat just roaming around in our part. It was in the building and she really did kidnap the cat and they put it.

Yes, and they put a sign up. Hey, we looking for this cat and Marina put a sign. They did not put a sign. Yeah, I put a sign up. It was made with crayon. I'm a little kid. A little kid who lost her cat. She accidentally led it up by accident and this this fucking old lesbian, this lonely lesbian's up there with her new friend. Spass. Spass.

I'm gonna call you Billy. I'm gonna call you Billy. Cass, I'm gonna call you Billy. I'm gonna call you Billy. I'm gonna call you Billy, and I'm gonna sing folk songs to you. I'm gonna call you Billy, Artie, Mario, Kenton.

I'm gonna call you Billy. I just always like telling Billy, I say I name my pussy after you I'm gonna turn to my Very I didn't like Right right here. You'll be a favorite. You're a microphone. Get out of here.

Crazy cat woman. God, Tim, was that a setup for a fucking shit fan? No, I'm going to have a bomb t-shirt made for you. Yeah. I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll take it. He got this one.

Oh, yeah. Jesus, Craig, you definitely got it. Yeah anyways All right enough you can't win us back You absolutely lost the What name in my pussy Billy is not a good thing to say. It's just a real moment. It was just something. All right, let's go to the chat room real quick. What do we got in there?

We'll go to the D-Poosh chat room, and then I want to go to my chat room. OK? I got the D-Poosh chat room. I need the chat room. No. The joke was in the joke. Yeah, it was good.

Yeah, it was good. You laughed. You laughed. That was pretty good. They'd be heading people and I was like, no, what I'm saying, we, he hand picks good ones. And then I go right to what the first thing is in the real chat room, real time.

So go ahead, what's yours? All right, we have a couple of things. Roger Dodger says Keith sounds like Kermit with big balls. And now go to mine. Go to the go to mine. The last thing that was said. Scott Bender says how did they get Samuel L Jackson from die hard with the vengeance? That's good. That's good. Bobby's chat won. What do you got? You know, what do you got? What do you mean? What's up? All right. What do you got yours? What do you got yours?

Hey, Zeus, the team who chat. What do you got? Fuck yo TV says the contrast between cotton and scopo hurts my eyes. That's good. Oh, that's good. Oh, that's good. Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit. You're gonna do buddy cop. I'm really as good. Me and people. I'm a real good. I'm really out there looking at negative. All right. What do you got in the Bobby chat?

Keith looks like that one black guy that wasn't blessed with rhythm or dunking abilities. It's that room stinks deep poop. No, that's not. No, no. Oh, I actually like that one. I don't like that one. I just don't like the deep who read it weird. Yeah.

All right. What do you got? Laurie C. S says yo Keith props on cop show pretty good acting chops. There you go. See Yeah, what do you think pop you that's the only guy that can act or once he said tops Why are you saying that like I said that look that? What the fuck are you talking about? Get your face? I don't look at what she said that I was a little shocked. Bobby, do you mind a log from a law in order when you was a rapist?

When you were the rapist? You know, he never was an actual villain. He was always like a... I've never been a villain. I've been a cop. I was a cop. I was a guy who a garage guy. I'm a garage guy.

No, I wasn't villain once. No, you were a suspect, but you weren't. I was a suspect with a hat. Remember the hat? I was. And this is my lower norther. I remember. And he pushed my face against the window of the pizza

storm, Brooklyn. Stabler. Nobody washed it. And I literally was like, he's mushing my mouth. And I'm like, right when the young cut, I go, dude, look, there's a lot of smudge marks on here. And you just made me lick them all. And you said you the crafty, you shit.

And I said, you the crafty, you shit. And I said, what are you going to do? Absolutely nothing, sir. I'll go back to my honey wagon, put my head in the wall, take a shit in the fucking, the desi shit trailer. All right Keith, you really did a good job. Actually, I was very surprised. Why were you surprised, man?

What do you want a compliment or not? I'm a surprise, too, actually. I'm sorry. Even when I've worked with you before, What do you want a compliment or not? I was surprised too actually I didn't even when I've worked I've worked with you before I played your wife and I was I'm tired you had no sleep. I want a third. I was surprised. Is that on train wreck? We're all surprised on that. We are on train wreck, but this was previous. It was on Traumae. You got married in train. We were together on train. we're always in a relationship. We were together train right to All right, what else you get in the chat room James yeah, go ahead James passque says what do you guys think about Murphy not doing the cause sketch on SNL 40 Wow, that's a question for you guys

Don't really care he doesn't all with the anybody. Yeah, I'll tell you what he does us what something a joke something Yeah, John, buddy walk out and be funny a little bit Everybody's feeling hurt hang on one second. He walks out. It's any fucking Murphy He walks out for the first time in how many years? Okay, he said he's gonna do it now everybody's doing funny shit You can Betty you're funny something go be for a second just come on go this is bullshit Oh, this is fun moment where he was like come on cut to commercial. Yeah, but that no I don't think that was a moment I think that was real. That was yeah, I don't think that was a moment of being funny That was like you told me you would cut after I said I'm just saying thank you and

Nice and fuck off. I'm not doing any dumb shit So cut and they didn't they kept going and they tried to fucking fuck them. And he was like, cut, that's it. Motherfuckers fuck you. But it's like Eddie, what the fuck, man? He's like, Chris Rock comes out and gives a monologue and is funny in the monologue that bring out any Murphy. He didn't have to be funny for that. He know he could have just read, look, this next guy is the motherfucker. He's the guy blah, blah, blah. He could have been sincere and nobody would have gave him shit.

But is it because they asked him to do the cause? They've seen that he refused to be funny? No, no. Look, man, you can't refuse to be funny as a comic. You are funny. That's it. You are looking for the funny. You're always looking for the opportunity to be funny. What if he was just... Okay, he was nervous.

He was nervous. He just didn't want to do it. Well, I'm saying no. I agree. I at least say that. Like, scared to be funny. Yeah, scared like, do I still have it? Yeah. Am I still like that?

Wait a minute. Are you talking about you? Are you talking about Eddie Murphy? You son of a bitch. I'm just saying. I don't know. Well, he hasn't done, Stan, right? He hasn't done Stan.

I mean, as a, you know, Murphy's amazing, but I'll just say it. He hasn't done standup, right? He hasn't done standup. I mean, as a man, funny. It's amazing, but I'll just say, all those guys go for it. He is one of the funniest guys in our lifetime. In our lifetime, over generations, he's still funny. But maybe he did get nervous. Maybe he got fucked up. With the Oscars. He was supposed to do the Oscars, too.

He was a guy. I don't know, man. He can't do. You know, cool is You got to know. I don't know, man. Maybe he can't do. You know, cool is the enemy of funny. You know, I was saying at the beginning, when you start taking sexy photos, one thing little cab doesn't forget is he makes fun of himself

and he's still goofy and he's still silly and he's trying to be funny. Most of it, you know what I'm saying? When you're sitting there trying to, when you're taking yourself too fucking serious, is when you lost the yourself too fucking serious, is when you lost the ability to be funny. When you think you're sexy and you give a shit

too much what people think of you, you know, I think that's when you're not funny. When you walk out there, you can be nervous. If he said, I'm fucking nervous. We all would have went, I'm fucking laughed. But maybe he was scared to perform, I'm saying saying the most confident guy to ever be on SNL Thank you. Oh, not you Trim most confident guy to ever host at the seller

Arty is out of commission I Did it that's a good one How do you was pretty confident already he's been doing your first joke? Wow God damn it actually you can take that What are we gonna use that anymore cuz you just take that with you? No, listen, it bothered me because I was so out of anything of that night I was waiting for that moment.

I was waiting for that moment if a Colin Quinn to fuck up teleprompter read, which he really just... How do you fucking listen? How do you have a fucking joke about being a mush mouth? And then fuck that and mush it up. But he looks so adorable even when he messes up you can still love it. I know Marina we get it you got a show. Do you know I'm like, do you fuck homeless people?

No, I don't want to say this, like you owe us more. I just, I expected it when he walked out, I expliqued it. Every stand up or every comedic actor that walked out on that stage tried to do something funny. It didn't all work It didn't all work, but they tried he walked out I think he was just seriously. I said they some did some didn't but he walked out and said some Oscar shit Like he was like he was it's like you're any Murphy man stupid. I really think Eddie is scared that he's not funny anymore.

I think he was taking a put, he was, it was a political move because of the whole cop. They asked him to do that sketch with Cosby. He said no, he didn't, he didn't want to kick him. Yeah, but that wasn't that last minute. He knew that day. He was like, no, he probably chose not to be funny. I mean, you know, listen, no, no, no, you don't make decisions when you're a state,

when you're funny, you're funny, no, you don't make decisions when you're a state when you're funny You're funny, but they he did you're funny when the fucking you get shot you're making jokes in the ambulance go Oh shit, that's a hole it makes a hole whatever the fuck you do Well, maybe you joke but There's a guy there. I got a respect. She's happy. There's a hole in me. I guess This is what the priest means when you're lying. Don't take it. It's all going to shit now. What is this with the priest means when you're holy? That was so bad. It was good. That was hurt.

But what I'm saying, that's not a deceit. You look, when you walk out as Eddie Murphy and you are just naturally that funny, and he is, you don't think he's lost it. I don't know. Maybe he thinks he lost his confidence is not worth it. I like to agree with both of you. I think that you should have he should have tried But I also agree that he made was scared yeah But he can't do stand up anymore because if he does is one set it's gonna be all over Twitter Facebook

So he could bomb I wasn't asked I don't care about a stand up. I don't do stand up ever again That's fine, but you can still be you when he walks out. He's funny. What if he's just a dick at home What if he's not that funny anymore? What if he's- That's why it's like scary to me. I don't want to find out that this guy is just turned into some serious book reading scared- The shallow booth. That'd be the best-

Yeah, like that's be the best- That's the best- Telebook video though, ever. He's still acting in the- He's still acting in the- He's still acting in the- Here's the thing- How do you know? I mean, you don't know that. You're a TMZ.

I'm so fucking. I think, but it's just sucks, because Eddie Murphy's my favorite, man. He's my, I mean, him and prior were my favorite. Because anybody's top five. But Eddie, for some reason to me was more because he did characters and he did these people and he acted really good and then in his movies

He had this I'm telling you this he I forgot he was black No because of the jeans No, but he really did I never looked at his movies as a black or it was just he was out Look at me. You look at Beverly Hills cop Great. He look at his fucking serious. You look at the close. He wore look it look where he dressed He dressed like a cop. He didn't dress like a black cop He just like a cop in Detroit and his acting and his ability and his cop his charisma I never looked at that movie as a fucking black dude.

I owe or a black movie or a black guy. I always look at that movie was just- How does a black cop dress? You look at baggy jeans. Yeah, don't put it in the middle of the building. I see, I see, I see. Yeah, man, look at his badge on a gold necklace outside his shirt. Man, a leather vest.

You have two leather pants on your head. Yeah, one nipple hanging out. He don't dress like one of those black cops. Look at Will Smith and bad boys. That's what I'm talking about. No, but he was, he's just so good at everything he does. And I was just like, fuck, Will Smith is funnier than him in an interview.

To be honest, we've got a child with a bomb if anybody else did that movie. Let me tell you who's got the knife. No, no, no's not what they need. It doesn't happen anymore. He has it. I don't think he knows. He probably left too many people getting his head too. Hold on. Hold.

He's a yes man. And then he, um, he has it. He's like a yes man. Can I say something? Look, man, you can't look. Not everybody's going to be Chris Rock, Louis, Billy, Patrice. OK? There's a's there's a

Side of my point He's the one I want to listen to this point not everybody What do you want what do you got what do you got Bob? You got some pointers for you. Yeah, Bob. What do you got? No for me you both I'm about these. We don't know about them yet. But listen, what I'm saying is not, you can't, because you're not Eddie, because you're not the motherfucker anymore, you're not Chris Rock,

or you're not the latest, funniest motherfucker. You can't not try, or you can't, you can't let that affect you in any way when you're not the funniest motherfucker. That's the thing. Eddie Murphy, the guy that you name the funniest motherfucker. The thing. Eddie Murphy.

They're the guys that you name. It's not an Eddie Murphy's atmosphere. Oh, oh, Chris Rock. Chris Rock. He's not. Eddie Murphy. I agree with that. What a Murphy.

Why is white? You know, who's up to Eddie? Like, like, like, Mary Bill Murray is next to Eddie. Like, like, he's with legend. He's a legend. Okay. A comedic actor. Bill Murray was funny.

Yeah, he went there. He went. He went. He went. He went. I'm sure you know why. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Because Bill Murray is a common. And he's always. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Because he doesn't take himself to fucking serious. I agree. I agree. He doesn't take himself to serious.

I think he could take himself to serious, but I'm just saying it's just Murphy. It's Murphy's that guy saying it's just Murphy is Murphy's that guy. It's like Murphy's the biggest guy in the room. It's the biggest guy in the room. Yeah, he's nobody in that room big in a Murphy. Yeah, he is, but it's like but you're gonna lose people, I believe, when we haven't seen you be funny in a while. He can't. What the last movie he did? I'm not treating him. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm Tree thing was yeah Tree what was the limit tree that was like that was a wild 2011 but he doesn't words

Washington what is it loses two million fans he's still good He's still had another 50 million fans. I'm just saying as we want to listen as we want to his biggest fans Which to me every weight wise. I was going to you wait. You can't go there. 2012. I know my Eddie. Thousand words. And then Norbert was he Norbert. Norbert was a early 2000s. Norbert was a 2006 or five. Thanks. I just think that it sucked for me because I was sitting there while I was like, oh my god, this is my moment. I get to see Eddie be funny again

and he walked out when thank you. This is like being in high school. And all right, cool, thanks. And I was like, what, no, no, no, no, no. Eddie probably wasn't back. I like that. Maybe he thought the high school line was funny. Did he go, did he say that?

And he said, Eddie was like, I let Bobby down. I can't believe I did. But maybe he thought the high school line was funny. What if he thought it was to be like this will get him and you go for that first check. I don't get it. I heard from bro. I'm I'm fucking you motherfucker. You fuck you. You you you're free right? You but he's free. Don't do you know he's black your white. Thank you sir. No idea exactly way it is train way we just made it He took his watch off until a deep-booted movie I can't put a bomb in it. We all the time.

We all the time. You're right, though. Yeah, from a Zach to not do it on. What? Of all the shows to not be funny on. This was the moment. Dude, this was it. When he came out, he owned that state.

Can I say something? You walked out. Second. That's 10 seconds. He owned that. He's been hilarious. Here it is. Here's the moment. Here's the moment in your life. You come back to SNL It's it's the 40th anniversary the world is watching, okay?

Every funny motherfucker going right now is on that show. I mean really every funny motherfucker that is Legit making it is on is there, okay? Seriously, it's crazy and you walk out and you're the guy everybody's looking at. And you walk out and the door's open and the world's just sitting there waiting for you to be funny and you give a fucking acceptance speech. And then they go, all right, take it easy.

And we're like, no, no, what? Fuck, it's like, wait a minute. I'm never gonna get that moment back. I'm never gonna get that moment back. We're never gonna get that moment back, that build up, that expectation, that holy shit, how long is it been, and he's here, and then he walks out, and you have every writer in the world that you're a disposal, every funny motherfucker you could have called and said, what should I do? I'm thinking to this, or I'm thinking to that. What about this? What about that?

They want me to do Cosby. Fuck, I ain't doing that. Something else. You have all the SNL right. He wondered. He wondered was you too. He could have done a second of anything, but he didn't. He wouldn't.

Or whatever, but that might not be. He could have done anything. He was too cool for school. And I don't think that I just think. I just think he was scared or something about something. Do you think he was scared of anything? I just think he was scared or something about Saturday night live. Do you think he was scared of the day? I just think he was over it.

He's over this. Yeah, I want to do it. The David's made them with it. That's interesting. Yeah, I can't wait. What was the David's pay thing? When they did when David's pay used to do the thing with the sketch. He's a follow the star.

He had a follow star thing when he's doing a little sketch and he's the bust on people when he told Johnny pitcher. Uh, yeah, well, let me tell you something. They he he's's fucking for that. I mean, that's a little bit childish. Come on. Well, it's first of all, it's Eddie Murphy. And I look, any star that goes that fast, people hate.

Okay, we all have done it. Unless you like the person, you know, what Patushu said, what's good for you is good. Unless he's your friend, you know a little kid, but you know this comics that hate that motherfucker right now, because he's so fucking oil. It seems like it happened overnight. You know Pete Davidson, he's on, he's fucking on us and people, look, that's just this business.

People make it quicker, some real fast. But if you think for a second that the work they have to do is any less when they get there, you're out of your fucking mind Because they still have to perform you know what I mean? They still got to do the fucking work and and little cab still has to fucking be funny when he goes on stage Oh when he goes on a tonight show when he goes on it's funny always He's got to be funny all the time. He's got to keep doing it So it is a hard thing but people do hate that but you know any Murphy man

He is a motherfucker so for that guy do hate that. But, you know, any Murphy, man, he is a motherfucker. So for that guy to trash him like that is stupid. It's like dude, you, it was some weird, I don't know, it was like dude, that guy's untouchable, he's a made man. Murphy's a made man. And as a comic, keep your mouth shut, unless you're up there with him.

You know what I mean? That was kinda like fuck you. It's like looking at him, that's what what I think I think Eddie has a lot of things with S&L too a lot of bad feelings with him And then little was thing could set him off and he's like a did he leave in a bad way? Yeah I don't know how about this Jim brew wasn't there where was Jim brew was he was he's in the audience Yeah, but he didn't do anything. No, he just was in the audience. Jim Brue was at the time when he was on was fucking hilarious. Jay Moore wasn't there. Jay Moore wasn't there. I didn't see Jay Moore. Why the fuck was he not there? Do you know for a fact that he wasn't I mean, I didn't seem in the audience. I didn't. Well, he wrote that book about

behind the scenes. Yeah, maybe that. Maybe that. It was a trillion dollars in that audience. Who? It was like a trillion dollars in that audience. They had that one woman she couldn't even be in the room. She had to be in the extra room. The one who has all the crazy political views of the blonde chick. You want us to help you with this? I don't know. You can't bring her up with that bulls-eye.

But she knew that was a cheater. Was the singer, see you, who the fuck? All she had to do is think for a second and then come up with the game and then is she older, younger, what she on SNL? She's on beautiful thing. All you have to do is think for a second and then come up with a game and then her younger, what's she on SNL? She's on SNL. Lorraine.

We have the high voice thing and she has like right. Is this a game show or what? Oh, she has a guy who did pat. Yes, the SNL star. She's the girl who did pat, right? You look marvelous. Billy Crystal.

I was doing the guest, okay, nice. I got sucked into her shitty board dance. I know you're talking about, it's the blonde. It's the blonde. I don't like Deepo who had the bomb thing on my face already. It's not the self-deepo. Julia, Julia Sweeney. Yeah, Julia Sweeney. She's a very

ex-religious very religious right? Very religious and political. No, she is. She's very really her she's out of her fucking she's out of her fucking mind basically. I mean she lost her fucking brain. She was on the show for a minute back I think in the 80s 90s that weird time of SNL the character Pat when you that. The character Pat, when you didn't know if it was a girl or a guy. He did that, that wasn't her, that was not her. That's not the girl. That was not her. One thing for sure we can know that Eddie's thinking himself now.

He's absolutely in his, and he knows that people like are disappointed. Yeah. So maybe Murph will come back and go, yo, fuck that, I'm not finished yet. Now I can show you guys or whatever. No, I don't think he is. That's it. I think he can. Every comment is that. Can I say finished yet. Now I can show you guys or whatever. I don't think it's shit I Every every comment. Can I say something? Can I say this? I think I think what's your name again? Oh Chris? Oh, I think I think Chris you have a you might have a point

We're look man when you got so much money that you know that it's never you're never gonna want again And then you're sitting around doing your shit and you kinda get into your days, what your day consists of, what your kids and your family, and you're kinda just doing your shit. And then all of a sudden, you have to,

I don't really need to do that anymore. For what? For more money? I don't need more money. My kids don't need money. My kids' kids don't need money. You're saying reason all the rest of them did perform. Dude, let me taste it.

They call it day one at it. They want in hard. I don't give you. I don't have it. He might be. He doesn't have the drive. He don't care anymore. That's what's going to give you the drive.

Because people are going at them. They're going at them hard. Well, they're not saying he's not funny. He cares, yeah. I don't think he cares. I mean, no one can go back on his specials. They hear it. Everybody hears it. Everybody know when they did something everybody know like me the millionaire that I am

I'm still here. I can raise the price What you travel forward But that shows you on a million I put it down bring it down to what American you're American. You're not even a fan of how to be an American. That's it, he stays there. You're not even a thousand there. Absolutely a thousand.

No, you're not. Absolutely. How many thousands you got in the bank? Probably, well, over a hundred. You have a hundred thousand in the bank? Let me some money, motherfuckers. Yeah, okay, okay. I'm like a lot of money.

I'm like a lot of electric snowblower. a lot of money, so. Electric snowblower. Here's the deal. What I'm saying is, like, I moved up, and this is a, we, this is, I know it's way off. I know it's way off. I don't say it then. I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna say it.

When you get, when I moved up to Westchester, got the house, got the driveway, got the car. You're not gonna compare your life to Eddie Murphy's, like, I was telling around. I was telling around. When I eat the reels off my stomach. Hey man. No, exactly what Murphy's going through. Shut your mouth. When I leave my little season pizza watching the SNL 40. I'm baking a rant

one. It's out fucked up. I cut my fingernails today in the 40 Baking around to what? It's out fucked up. I cut my fingernails today in the shower and when your stomachs wet You can you can actually cut your fingernails and leave the clippings on your stomach And then when you're done, you scoop them off your stomach and throw them in the trash No shower in anymore I don't even know how to explain to you what just happened to my body. I just cut him, I had my fingers like this. I was cutting him and putting the fingernail on my stomach and it would stick because of the wetness. And then when I was done I just scooped him off.

I call it fat size. You know what it is. We're even paintings just fused with a body just. My mic is at all. Cow head fuckers. Just like me. My cal- my cal- my cal- what do we- what's talking about fat science?

He taught me about fat science. Fat guys know you know shit. That's not something I can take care of. What's that? I couldn't take care of you. What? Here's a deal. Yeah, take care of it. Why? Here's a deal. You're not take care of a boy.

Here's the deal. What I'm at my point is that you can get comfortable. At your house. When you get, when you don't have to go in the city and do that spot on the one that food you get to the city, listen to me, Kelly. Listen to me, careful. I get this.

But any market looks like he's still in shape. No, but what? No, but it's good. Yeah, but his was pissing me off about Bob. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha When you in a house, you know what? His is different from you and Murphy now. Murphy has a fallen alley.

And movie theater. A gym, a gym that he uses. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That he uses. How do you mother fucker? Uh-huh He's Louis Quippen and he eats you I can go on outdoor pool

He's don't equipment You don't have to leave You have to leave Right point being Is that you can get very comfortable The very loose point I said that at the beginning It's very loose

My point being is that you can get very comfortable. No, you should get comfortable in that house. You might be a little bit more comfortable. Shit me. What I'm saying is you can get very comfortable. All right, you get very comfortable. Sit in your half-s of the chair. Sit in your... Sit in your half-s of the chair. Sit down. Sit down.

You're sitting here with a cleaner rocker. Well, you know, yeah, I can't front of the picture. You can't run. You can't run. I'm comfortable. Raymore and Flanagan. Motherfucker. Raymore and Flanagan.

My, listen, we're gonna wrap this fuck up thing. Yeah, you should, Bob. I'm sliding to a beat and real quick. You're gonna wrap this up. You got stuff to do. No, you guys gotta go. It's six, right? Listen, let's go to the chat room real quick. See what they had to say about the show. Deepoosh chat room first. All right, Laura C.S. says,

Arty Lang is not sexy. I would go for Bob before Arty. No, okay, here's what she thinks. I do C.S. says Arty Lang is not sexy. I would go for Bob before Arty. I do you motherfucker. It's about my personal. No it's about me. Thank you. Let's fuck a sh- ow YKWD at ridecast.com send me pictures of you buddy. Go ahead. I was great. That was great. I love that. I I Love that What are we gonna my chat go to Bobby's chat the top of it the top Socom with says triple G tomorrow nice see doesn't make it nice no, but read the top one

That's I just read the top one now. This one. I can see it. It's not the top in my list Yeah, go the other list. Okay, James Pasasky says is Marina in the new ghosts busters I am afraid no ghosts What the fuck was that? Pro stream. Listen, Keith, your special is this Saturday night at 11 o'clock. It was back of the bus funny. It was last Saturday. Well, we're doing life. So I do it now to the people watching you fucking mook.

What do you have? It's 80 of them. That's why I said less. Yeah, there's a lot of people that can watch a special. And spread the word. Everybody who's watching, listen to now. You spread the word. Make sure you retweet, tell people, get your people together, and tweet Keith at what you're, what you're, what you're,

one Keith Robinson. What the fuck is that? One Keith Robinson. Listen, this is my podcast, not yours. You're saying one Keith Robinson. Oh, fuck it. You know what, if you don't watch it, I understand. You're saying right now.

You stop, what are you plugging her? You're in it for five seconds. Train wrecked. I play a gig guy, I go, oh, all right. Listen. Here's a deal. Make sure you watch it. And if you missed it this Saturday night, if this is coming out on Monday, go to Comedy Central right now, go to the paper on demand and watch it. He is fucking one of the funniest guys in the game. He is one of the funniest guys in the barbecue or at the fucking... Fuck him on Uncle Earl. Oh, the table.

If you didn't Hickory Flack, you wouldn't be next to this dude. At the hair salon. Ah, this motherfucker got away with Hickory Flack right at the end. I was literally doing this There's a lot I got it You know I did so here it is man back of the bus Bus funny Keith Robinson you heard me Train right train right turn up

Now you said Yo back of the bus funny comedy on fleek my niggas. Yeah, fleek hang on all you No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, So it's cool. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. It's brand new. From my fleek. From my fleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek.

I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek.

I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if it's sleek. I don't know if know. Yeah. And then some other things up in coming. So no, what do you have to promote right now? Are you fucking asshole?

Oh, just my podcast. What is that? Friends like us. What is the name of it? What's the name of it? It's friends like us. Friends like us and waking you get it. It's on iTunes.

It's on iTunes. And it's also on SoundCloud. Very fun. And we had sexy ass, already laying on our show. Right. So if you want to listen to that, we talk about his, you know, joke about sleeping with a black woman

and, you know, the joke being like, I can't breathe. And so go to it. Go to that episode and listen to it. It's fun. Marrow, what do you got, buddy? Are you excited to meet me? I'm excited to meet you.

I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you.

I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you.

I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited the road a lot now, so it's a road Martin the third. Yeah, go check them out a very funny guy if you see him in your area spend the eight dollars and go check out whatever show It's free. It's actually free. I'm just paid a club to beat it Look on group on if you have the

What do you got? Let me get Chris at kind to one five on Twitter. What is it at? at KITIN' 2.5 on Twitter. What is it? At KITIN' 2.5. Okay. That's a great defeat. He got that mark. Oh, come on. On Twitter, it's the grab, uh,

citizencity comedy podcast, citizencitycarmony.com, and plus checking me out every day on Arty Lane on CIS at Pocket. You're the co-host. I'm not the co-host, it's my company, but I just, I guess they're on there all the time. All right, okay.

So he was right when he said he was regular. I said he was regular. But, oh, I'm a guest on the other side. Yeah, they're all the time. So he was right when he said, you're regular. I said you're a regular. I'm a regular on Simmons City Comedy's pocket. No. I'm a co-host on Simmons City's pocket. He set a city, um, those are the guys I wrote in. We're going to have them all on. Yeah, they have my home here.

They's funny. We're going to have Mollon with you. I'm going to be back in Chris. I have no idea. I'm excited to have Mollon. We'll change your Twitter page to Born in a 12. All right, so, uh, why so just not even create toilet baby.

I really thought he's probably a toilet baby. No, no toilet baby be great. I'm too on my mind. My picture is a picture that somebody running link by I can submit it a baby with my face on it is hanging out of a toilet. That's great. What do you call your poop kid?

I don't know about like what is poop kid. I have poop kid. Take a vote. Tell them to tweet him. Like new names. And cut into one five. Tweet me. Yeah, tweet, tweet, cotton.

Tweety poop. At deep poop. At deep poop. All right, Chris, what do I got? Maybe. What's it? All right, so go to robbercullylive.com right now for me and by my preorder right now, my special that came out that I did by myself. It, in me, Jim Cerepico and Bobcat Gulfway directed it.

It's a live from the village underground. We shot it right here in the West Village, where comedy, as we know, know it today started and I'm very proud of it and it's $5 right now. Minimum donation at robocadelive.com. T-shirts are at riotats.com merch table. You can go there and my dates are as such. March 6 and 7, you know, at the Arlington Drafthouse, you know, at the Virginia. Actually, I'm only going to be there the Saturday night.

Okay. So I'm going to be there. So one night at Arlington Drafthouse, what else you got? March 20th, the Mahaffee Theater in St. Petersburg. Yep. That's what, that's what, that's what that's with. That's with Norton and your boyfriend, Artie Lang, and with Mike Calta, the Mike Calta show, and the number one show in Tampa right now.

So that's gonna be a fucking great gig. What else? March 27, 28, the comedy works in Albany. Yeah, and I also just booked the, I was constant comedy on state in March, which is one of my favorite clubs. Oh, it was great. Oh, if you haven't been there.

Yeah. Well, it's, so it's, it's down a couple of knocks. Oh! No, I'm kidding. That was fucking crazy. I'm fucking kidding. I heard how good you did. I had a great, I loved that.

I loved that. You did. Family is wonderful. The family, it's run by the family. A father, a mother. They're a Greek. Two daughters, and the two daughters are so good looking at and they're nice So it kind of you kind of like maybe they like me and they don't

They just like they like you as a human not as you know, of course nobody fucking likes fat Bob I wish I was sexy. You got a wife. I know. Oh, yeah It's nice to be nice. I like to thank you. Thank you, fatty. I'm sorry with this. I'm a lot of want you Chris. People want me. So here's a deal. I just booked that. That's gonna be on robbercatalive.com. Please go to my website. Deepu, what do you got? Oh, you can follow me on Twitter at R2DPU on Twitter and Instagram and you can check out my channel, twitch.tv slash Rudipu on weekends. Backslash ISIS. He's funny if he really didn't like any of these jokes. He's ISIS laughing at you right now.

They follow him on Twitter. You don't have your Facebook doesn't work. Your Facebook has Kyle sees on it. Scopo, what do you got, buddy? It's at Chris Sco on Twitter? He's a bit more positive at the end of this please I got shows, but I'm not fucking headlining Yeah, but it doesn't matter. Can you get people to fall? Nobody else of stuff you can be a guy. I got you That Chris with a scope. Oh god. Uh, Skopo. He's going to be at a

Laffa Buddha. Hello. Flaffer Buddha. He's a little in He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be

He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be He's gonna be wild in New Haven. Oh, shit. Yeah. I just lied. I mean, I'm not that. I mean, that's not true. I'm not getting it.

They're open. That's how I'm going to do it. All right, well, listen, man, I want to keep congratulations, brother. I'm back in the bus money. Back in the bus money. Back in the bus, baby. You got a bottle of wine or whatever.

You got a bottle of wine. You got your bottle of wine. You can take tonight. I don't drink no more. You quit. You know. You're drinking in the car. I don't drink as much as I do.

Well, you can take that with you. How's that? Are you taking that with you? Thank you. And how come not front of the bus? Look at Marie. Look at that. I'm not front of the bus.

No, no, no, no. You know about back at the bus. That's what everybody was having to back at the bus. Oh, so that's not like a blank thing. No, it's a thing. It's just like, Bob, were you in the back at a bus? Yeah.

I like that. How did I get you? There. I was always in the back. Can't compete up. Could you grow up and try to get dates? Yeah. Hey.

Check it, dying, dying. You guys are the best fans of the world. Thanks for listening. You know what? Podcasts. You've been listening to the YKWD Podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs.

Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Hey, what's going on? When you're ready to buy a car, true car is changing car buying forever. Yes, true car helps car buyers get rid of the fear that they might overpay. Every day true car users receive negotiation-free guaranteed savings.

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