Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Bad Pizza and Dead Dreams

Episode Date: February 25, 2013

Luis J Gomez, Kris Tinkle, Vic Mysterio and Oni Perez from The Hammerfisting Podcast join Robert and Kelly. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. ¡Bien a verlo sin pagar nunca! Come see me live. I'm very excited. I'm gonna be in Connecticut.

At the Trumble, Connecticut at the tree house on March 1st and March 2nd, I will be at Cromwell, Connecticut for the tree house comedy venture. I don't know what the fuck they call it, come on. But I'll be in Connecticut again. And then I'm gonna be in South by Southwest. Holy shit show. I'm gonna be there March 21st, doing a great show with the Syndicate and Lath button.

We got Big J on the show. I'm hosting it the nasty show. So if you're going to South by Southwest, if you're gonna be in Austin, Texas, the first March 12th, make sure you find the show. March 15th, I'm at the Will Bataeid, a kid. Will Bataeid, get your tickets now, bean town. Get them now. Don't wait. Buy your tickets now. I put out a code out there, get your front row tickets, get your seats. Let's pack this

place out. My hometown. I wasn't going to come back until October. I'm usually there around October or Christmas. I didn't want to come back so soon. I got't gonna come back until October. I'm usually there around October or Christmas. I didn't want to come back so soon. I got some new shit. I got a few new things that I wanted to then know come back to you guys with. Now that I'm having the baby, so I was gonna be October, but they offered me 15th of March. I took it. I want you guys to show the fuck up. Let's have a good time and let's pack this place. Go to my website, robbercowelive.com. Go hit tour and get all my dates. Okay, you want to come see me?

Don't ask me on Twitter. What are you going to be? Just go to my fucking website and find out. Find out where I'm going to be. Go to my website, find out where I'm going to be. Get my app for iPhone and it will show you where I'm going to be. Go to rye, find out where I'm gonna be, get my app for iPhone, and it will show you where I'm gonna be. Go to ryecast.com, my dates are up there, my dates are everywhere. So make sure you come and check me the fuck out.

Live. Alright, um, okay, so here it is, the intro to today's show, the fucking YKWD. You know what, dude, podcast, you know what, dude? Today's show was interesting the way it happened. I didn't even have scheduled a show for last week. I was sitting there and I let Hammerfisting guys use the studio, the YKWD Studios, or now known as the Ryecast Studios, because Rob Fuckin bird with AIDS, Sprance does glory hole there, now they use that studio too, so it's

more the Ryecast studio. Let's remove them both. So I had Hammer Fisting guys doing this show show there when he wants me to do a show I make him do a show at the studios because I don't want to go to his fucking living room with his dog that fucks your leg the whole time So they came there and when we're done with their show I I just asked the boys if they wanted to stay and do my show and they they were excited and they did and we had a great show for Stuka showed up and You know fucking

fucked up as usual and which made for some good talk and Vic and One and take all of Lewis J Gomez Put together a good show for me. I had a lot of fun. This one, God, you know, people saying angry Bob. I think it was less angry this week. It's been an emotional ride for me lately because you know, this is crazy.

What's going on in my life? You know, just, you know, I'm hustling, man. I'm trying to get that next thing and trying to get on TV and trying to get the career to the next level so I can fucking You know sell these shows out and not have to worry and Having a baby and holy shit and I have to buy a chair and a jumpy and a fucking seat and another seat and

Bouncy and a Binging and a fucking onesie. I don't a lot of shit going on so I do apologize for being a fucking angry ass but this week actually my anger was just if I did have any. So that's it. What are you looking at? Oh you just a corn ball. I married a fucking corn ball. Anyways, enjoy this one. This is One of my favorites I've done in a few this one that was fun It was with the guys from heaven for his dying bad pizza dead dreams YKWD

Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Liri. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Kreiser. Staying cookin' you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? You know what dude? If you bippy by a if you bippy boo, dippy dippy dhya, you have a dhaba do.

Dude. This is Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what I did! I'm a star, you stinkin' stinkin' stinkin' You know what I did! I'm a fucking fucking fucking fucking You know what I did! You know what I did! I'm a fucking fucking fucking fucking You know what we need? All right, we're live. What's up?

YKWD. Yeah, we're on the fucking show. I don't do this for shit that you do. You have no microphone for a reason, my friend. For a reason because you don't deserve one. How's that? Are you on, Lewis? Check, check, check. What's up? Get back. OK, what's up, guys? YKWD, you know what, dude?

An episode, fucking. We got tinkles in the house. We got Mysterio fucking Motherfucking Vic in the house. Motherfucking Vic, Mysterio, yo. We got, uh, felt natural. We got fucking salmon cheeks. Which you name again? Please include me.

Only Perez. Only Perez. Only Perez. Only Perez. And we got the, uh, what are you? What are you? Juice layer. Jesus Jesus.

Jesus. Can I? The juice layer Jesus Christ. Yeah. You pulled out of that one. The Juicelayer Jesus Christ You pulled out of that Lewis J Gomez and my sweetheart the the one behind the scenes that does everything for me The twat they can't get it right the one that's gonna be fat one day soon

Checked a can't get a guy loves the suck dick, but doesn't know how to get it in her box And keep it there. Kelly, fucking, aka shit, tWaT accent. Fuck, I hate the accent from Australia. Can you please read that about you, Luigi? Fustuca. He's not going to your funeral. Let's get real. Yeah, none of us are because we won't be in your life by then. Because then you'll actually make the right decision in life and become an assistant

Kelly of a future in personal assisting Kelly you would be a great assistant to somebody famous Kelly right now honestly God I become Fucking huge I got a big show making millions of dollars. Not huge, like he is now. We're talking about huge in the industry. She knew that. I love those. You guys missed me last week. This isn't coming out for fucking four weeks now because you just said,

I'm gonna make that not make sense. How's that, you fucking cock sucky and needy prick? Four people tell you, there's thousands of people that download the show eight people like we miss you Here's a scenario I'm like Kelly. I want you to be my personal assistant I want you to fucking quit comedy, and I just want you to I'm gonna pay you $2,000 a week to quit. You have to fucking quit.

You gotta be my assistant. You gotta be with me on the road. You gotta do it. All the shit I need done. He's gonna be very important. You need someone who can dedicate their lives to him. $2,000 a week. As whole, like, no sex, not at all.

I want anything to do with you. Well, a little bit. And your mushy body Tell you how is it even a debate you should quit comedy if it's a debate if you would quit for $2,000 a week Shit, I'm building the romance I can see if he said $10 million. Here's the check. He got a quick comedy If I just shut down his joke and just went no, then that would be it would move on it would be shitty Well you were seriously debating quitting comedy for two thousand dollars a week I mean he does have a dude I will lose weight and be Kelly for you for

You're very close I can adopt it. Yeah, kids got to go to college by the way only you wouldn't have to lose that much weight Thank you Lewis. I don't know how, I'm gonna take that as a compliment. It was less a compliment more of a knockout kill. You know you're not Cuban. You know that you're Japanese. You know that. You know that, right? You should have a blonde streak in your hair.

Oh shit. How much? All right. I wanna know right now. I'm gonna go around the room. And I can't do this with you, Vic, because you're not in the business but to quit you i know that you have a dream of of being uh... you know big in the mma world and have in your own show and

i mean you want to be on television so it's the same scenario so like if the u.f.c said hey you can work for us you're gonna be then you're gonna be up there with uh... with uh... with uh... sun uh... son and everybody and you know how on you know you're gonna be on us tonight you know the next guy you're gonna be like yeah like he's at your home on the right i want to say to you how much would it cost

we should probably should we go to you last let's go to you last okay cuz i feel like that's gonna be like a tick-tack and a pack of fucking american spirit five now later fifteen dollars an hour. I can give a steady paycheck.

Can I have a full-time job without endurance? FYI, we are taking a pizza break. If you hear a buzzer in the background, no, this show is stopping immediately, immediately, and we're taking a whole wheat pizza break, which I love. Fucking stupid. Why do I listen to stupid? You are a fat fuck Lewis embrace it. You got me to own I broke down it. Let's get pizza and you're like, holy no I gotta go fucking whole week cuz you're a cock walker after the whole we pizzas are of regular size the 20 inch

Oh shit is that big Kelly know what you know 20 inches like Classic Lewis she eats a lot of pizza Lewis doesn't have his head on folks Sorry on the floor I'm sweating So we will be taking a pizza break so if this show if, if you're a buzzer, the show's immediately stopping and just know that we'll be coming back with fat bellies and fucking full miles.

But I'm gonna go to you, Tinkle. How much will cost for you to quit the fucking business? Get out, you're done. You can't know open mics, no showing you face at Eastville, no popping up in fucking San Antonio, wherever the fuck you have connections. No fucking whatever of West Coast, horseshit, you have in a desert somewhere,

you're done, you're out of the business, you gotta go get, you gotta, this is it, you're gonna get this much a week to get the fuck out of the business. How much is it? Alumsum can do that. I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do a poor week. I like the week. No, you out of the business. How much is a lump sum can I'm gonna do I'm gonna do poor week. I like the week. No, you have

to be a you have to do this. Uh per week. Tinkle. There's really no amount of money that you would take. Okay, let's do it at lump sum. No, because I would know that I I did it for money. And this isn't about money. Obviously, I've been poor doing

this for a long time. So it's not about. Have you ever seen your own ad and he's wearing a shirt that he made I know my grandpa me that's like a Guatemalan should have that shirt by now but you're saying that I can make all new t-shirts with all the money I get well what I'm saying is that you this this is the deal, you will have. Let's do it in a lump sum. How much will it fucking cost you to save? I'm out.

Would it be a million, two million, 10 million, 50 million? And be as realistic as possible. Do not, I'm serious. If I had the cash right here in the other room, cash, would the number you give me, I'm gonna agree to it, and you're the fuck out. I would say 10 million 10 for you yeah I'll do I think it's like calling Quinn numbers 10 million dollars yes so if I offered you honestly God if I offered you two million right now two Million dollars cash

I can never do that ever again. You're done. You're a fucking rap. You're gonna get two million I think about you million dude. You got to get a day job again No, you know two million is not gonna last you for your life Do you know what to unless you're fucking super savvy like super savvy? Hey Unless you're really good with money you could turn that into fucking millions. First of all, you could move to Arizona or you could move up. You can move up to Jersey. Anywhere, you can move in the middle of this country. Florida, you can get a house, a mansion for around $350,000 in someplace. There was a Montana fucking Kansas.

Dude, Kansas is beautiful. This is let me have you traveled I mean no, I'm not the Kansas now Can't just fucking out for real unbelievably beautiful this song every I call Kansas traveling every it is absolutely you know the history of Kansas. It's the fucking amazing A lot of white people fought died the get Kansas going where it is a lot of great barbecue out there and died the get can't just going where it is A lot of great barbecue out there It's a lot ingress like a brown guy saying that too What I'm saying is a lot of people

You can you can live off two million you can live off two million If you put a million in the bag, you know what's Kelly quick Yeah, but what's the interest on a million dollars? How much percent? Whatever the percent is I don't know five percent probably do not What do you really just the nervous Making shit up fantasy land take just to risk hardwick you sort of a bitch for the pizza comes I hope I can live off two million dollars. I'll never make that no, but you were you were already made

Well, I've made more than two million dollars in my life Two million dollars in my life. I'm the same you haven't made two million dollars in my life. I've made two million dollars in my life. I'm in the same... You haven't made two million dollars in your life. Do you know what number two is? Yeah. I've been working since I was 11 years old. Yeah. That's what I'm making right, true. Selling chicklets.

Yeah. We didn't make it as a back of a cat. I mean, no, I probably made, I definitely made over a million dollars. I've made over a hundred pounds. Now, I've been 20. One hundred percent. Over a hundred thousand? Yeah.

Well, you only just had a heart attack. What are you in this business? That's a lot of fucking hell. I made a hundred and I made like 85,000 last year. Okay. This year I'll probably make like 85 now You make that much money all the time because I fucking have a baby that I'm supporting in a fucking I'm only been alive for six weeks. I am a heroin addict Yeah, you have a fucking two-week old and you're blaming it for your financial crisis Because I have a baby Money cost to get weed when you have a baby on the way well, I'm dude

I had a major weed problem. I fucking I eat out all the time in New York City It's expensive. I pay $2,100 in my life. I live in in Grammarcy. Yeah, why do you pay, why are you paying that? Why? Because that's where we want to fucking live. And that was the best deal I could find in grammar scene. Don't threaten me. Man. You're embarrassing us, Lewis.

Oh, no, maybe I made over a million dollars in my lifetime. Definitely, but it's not that much money in reality. I think if you did the math, it probably would be way less than the million dollars. I don't think so. I think so. I don't think so.

For you, I think so. No, not for me. I'm telling you, I think for you. Don't tell me. I think so. I don't think so. For you, I think so. No, not for me. I'm telling you, I think for you. Don't tell me what I think. Right? This isn't hammer fistings. I, so 10 million dollars.

10 million, yeah. That's outrageous. Well, dude, for you. This is Shark Tank, think I was trying to sell his business. He has a dream. I understand what you're saying, but that's a lot of fucking money dude Yeah, I want to want to yeah, but I want to want to do it though Yeah, but you're not just giving up the money that you're gonna make in life

You're giving up on the fucking fantasy and the dream of being a fucking Listen on balls and midnight. I get you. I understand the concept. I came up with it I'm the one who relayed down the rules That's the beginning you fucking a flagellant douche I don't even know what that means. Farting a lot. You farter. That's the end of fart crunch.

Two million dollars. Don't even think about it. Yeah, but then you can't get out. I'll join UCB. I'll do improv. I'm fucking do sketch. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You say comedy.

You can do film and TV. I'm telling you right now. The hope of fucking making it famous. Television, film, improv. Wait, is it the same for me? Like the movie, I have to do, not can't do comedy, you know? You can't fucking be and show this.

Entertainment. You can go and sell shaved ice. You can help children. You can stay the fuck home all day. Now am I leasing the shaved ice machine? You're buying it. You're buying it with your fucking money that I give you. All right, yeah.

You think it's smart? Should I? And I'll become a chef, which was my other love. Five million. And you become a chef in Hawaii at a local local place. And what? He'll be like, I don't know.

I don't know. Got it. Your face is fucking magical. Really, you just have a wooden spear and slapping your knees Okay, Kelly yeah for you. Yeah, how much will cost to get you back to Australia and off the show? I'm really in sounds good because I would like I would like open up like a I'll take him like lost dogs and I'll do something worth Walled like a fucking middle-aged lesbian worth walled. Maybe like a fucking middle-aged lesbian. Yeah. That's where you turn into.

It's just an old cat woman. Yeah, my cat's just dogs. Dogs. But I'll do something with wine. I don't help lives. I'll change the world. You really? You'd help. That's what you want to do. If I had to quit comedy for money, 5 million would be out of, well, yeah, 5 million. It's beautiful number. Yeah. It was so many jokes came into my head when she would laugh. I had to quit. It's like,

you do. Really? You really, we've talked about it. And the comedy community So many jokes came into my head when she would laugh. I had the quittin'. You do. You do. Really? You really, we've talked about it. And the comedy community got back together again, not for more money. We want you out. Oh, shut up.

You guys love me. We do love you. I kill it open marks. Kill! All right. Plus I just have to give up bring her shows. I'm gonna give up. Yeah, that's what I'm saying is both you you're not

10 million dude is you You gave me like theater gigs like a tour you doing Yeah, but you're not dude. I agree with I agree with Tinkle I think that would be the nobody asked you yet And also because like because $2 million isn't like a lot of money to like if you went nuts on like vacations super fat cars Super fat do all that money we eat up quick so like 10 million Because I'm asking you fucking live like the fucking Diaz brothers

I mean the ones from Scarface Fucking Diaz brothers nothing What is it what's the percentage of what like what 5% or what I didn't? I what is it three? What is the going what's the rate for banks or savings account? Let's say 5% of 10 million is 500,000 you don't not get a 5% and you know get 5% interest you 1.2 all right you do that 1.2 on a million dollars Kelly. Can you do that math? Okay, so every you.2 on a million dollars, Kelly. Can you do that math? You're not a 200,000. It's about a hundred and twenty thousand. Okay, so every, you take a million, two million dollars,

you take a million. Hold on, it's not a hundred and twenty thousand. You fucking retards, it's 12,000 dollars. It's not a hundred and twenty thousand. Okay, hang on, that's fucking 12% of a million. No, I'm gonna get a 1.2. 1.2, $10 million is a hundred and twenty thousand. Yep, it is.

Yeah, two with a million. On a 10,000, so on five. No, no, no. No, not a hundred thousand is 10% of a million is $120,000. Yep, it is. Yeah, he's got $10,000, so on five. No, no, no. $100,000 is 10% of a million. I'm not wrong. I don't know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying. Because it's a push. I wish I was smart to actually say, yes, you are wrong.

No, I'm not. And I don't have the confidence right now. I don't want to say loses right. But I think this is the worst day of my life. I'm actually nervous. He's a school teacher. Lewis is a school teacher. He didn I'm actually nervous. He's a school, dude. Luke's a school dude. He didn't do anything yet.

He's just saying that he's right. And I'm so dumb that I'm going, maybe he is. This is the shittiest day of my life. This is worse than I went to jail for the first time. My mother was crying on the other side of the jail, said, oh, fuck me. Kelly, do the fucking man. I'm looking at it right now. I thought I was trying to do something. She did it on 10 million, though. What's going on? It's not one million. Oh fuck me Kelly do the fucking man

She did it on 10 million dollars. It's not one million jail for it. Yeah, you do have 10 million more Why have you went 10 it's 12,000? It's 12,000? No 10 million. Oh my fuck Do I'm a Rita look at me? I'm getting you guys a frustrated the fucking cave man. Look at Kay's finger, he's wearing a Nazi. Oh, come on. That was a little down. I didn't get that, that was very, was it like, black adorship?

We're not, yeah, we're not open my Kelly, so you can't use your fucking open my tricks on him. That's a row of advocates and jokes. I can't help it. She's like trying to make the back of the room laugh right now and there's no back of the room. Can I have the room, would not see here? What the fuck, we do have 90,

we just don't use it in fucking jokes. What's that? I said, okay. So yeah, a $10 million is $120,000. Oh, okay. It's 1.2%. Okay, so $2 million is $12,000, that's what you're saying. $24,000 is $2 million.

$24,000 in a year, you're getting interest. $24,000 a year. Okay, so $24,000 a year on interest on a million. On two. On two. So it's a million dollars, you're gonna make $12,000 a year on interest. All right, you're gonna put that away. I don't make that now. So, I guess what I'm saying.

Just on his own. You also doesn't have any interest in this career. That's what my point is. Now, you're gonna make- Hold on, let him make- You're gonna make what you make now for nothing. Just every year, you're gonna make what you make for nothing. And you're gonna still have a million in the bank,

you're gonna take a million and buy your house, buy a car, and probably have around maybe 300,000 left over to have in the bank to maybe put in, you know, to do some stocks or whatever. But you're gonna have a million dollars in the bank collecting interest. You don't do that, you're gonna have a million dollars in the bank collecting interest You don't do that you're gonna want still on 10 million. Yeah, okay. You're gonna do five million five million I'll tell you a little more realistic with your because you can move up 60,000 a year Yeah, but you're fucking where you live and you go to the ceremony Sarasota you can buy a fucking whole whale

Absolutely It was cost nothing Kelly will it ice right Kelly how much for you five for you with here five dollars On a give it her that pizza's gonna sit a little for me. I'm going home after that one foot long subway sandwich Only in February I just bought a sport levity live I was fucking English Hello dad I don't know why I was fucking English. Hello, Dan. You go sport live, I'll give you two million dollars.

I just got it from Bobby. Here's one. Bit of a foolie. So how much you get the house to my $1,000 list? Listen. Oh wow. Wow. Good one.

That was a good one. Truly, and I don't like the fucking sexy look she gets. Is that what you get? Hey, Jamie, you said, he looks like a hell. He gave me the Puerto Rican like tongue thing that the fuck is gonna fucking take these real slow. Your eyebrow should never be lighter

than your mustache, Lewis. I crossed my eyebrows. What happened to you? Whatever disease, eyebrow disease you caught from fucking doing BJJ for a week at a fucking free benefit. I was that staff infection in my home. I said it. I don't know what to fuck.

You have cancer brows and I don't like it. One of them is big and one of them is little. Did you like bend it off? No. And a birthday cake. I can't go for nothing. Fuck you, Kelly. They matches.

Yeah, it is. We'll hold on. Look, he's right. You only got one eyebrow waxed show us your nipples Do they man did you get him waxed? Did you really go to the wack? Oh bullshit? He was taunting them up Did me to his face fucking crazy? I would I would obviously say if I was doing anything to my fucking I Dumbled right there now you doing eyebrow stuff. Did you get him threaded? Hey, did you did that at the levity live when you're doing the mall?

Look at those eyeballs. You did that at the elevenly live when you were doing the mall. In between hosting spots. Guys, I'll be right back. I have to go buy a t-shirt. I'll come back and my eyebrows are beautiful. Lewis, how much money would it cost you? How much money would I have to give you in cash for you to quit the business?

And I'm serious about this. I'm serious. No, I really want to raise the money to get started. This is a fun wrap-up. I'm going to put this on Kickstarter. We would need to raise the money to get him out of that That's really funny. We should do that by the way. We should do that. That is how much? Ten million dollars That's it and it's not because you're buying

Tell me why because I can make money If I wanted to quit comedy tomorrow, I can go get a fucking sales job and make 250,000 a year. That's not crazy. I'll go do that. I could do that. No, you just wanted to sell this. I'm out tomorrow. I've been in sales my whole fucking life.

All right, stop with the, can we just hear your answer without the speech? Oh, yeah. Come on, bring hearts to you. Every day of our lives, go ahead. Dude, because I am, am I'm fucking we get it We're not when I get dad that died. Why did you are not your dad father? You don't have to prove to us Lewis

Take care, bro! Who knows those things? What's wrong with you? Why? Richie! I did it! Papa, do you see me now? Please take the knife out, Papa! Come back to us for me!

I took the two million from Roberto for my son, Papa! It's me. I took the do million from Roberto for my son Papa. I don't I don't I don't put that much value on a million dollars or two million dollars. I expected to make more than that in my fucking life. Wait, wait more. The question is, how much money if there was a check right now? What is the quote? Touch me. It's not a check. It's not a check. Cash. It's not it check. It's not a check. Cash. It's not. It's cash. I'm a trust

chess. It's a case. It's in. Well, I don't a bag by a suitcase. A bag with money. A bag with money signs written on it. It's fucking asshole. Needed a specific fucking bag. And we'll see the suitcase. I wanted a bonds. He's gonna put it in a fucking yak that he murdered on the Yukon. In a monopoly money. So $5 million, someone, you wouldn't quit comedy for $5 million? I wanna, I hear, he listened to what I'm saying. I wanna know your reasoning.

I just told you the reason. I don't put that much bail. Tell me without tone. I think you can do that much better now, you. Man, I like this. I like this, dude. this new I would take 10 million because for 10 million I'd walk away and go you know what I don't got I can live a life lavishly enough that I wouldn't be constantly obsessed with what the fuck could have happened with my comedy career

He's not just content with security. He wants the lavish stuff. Yeah, what's lavish? What do you mean lavish? Like I buy a I buy a burger like extra killing sandwiches So I would literally buy a house in Puerto Rico I would invest some money. You have to have money to play with I would I would open up my own business I would be the business a comedy club. It's be able to do that You can't do it. I'm not in a no. I'm only no. No, you can't be in the business on any side of it You're the fuck out. Yeah, man, and I'm a gym you're opening up a foot locker Puerto Rico. That's what you're doing.

A foot locker for Rico. Kelly, this is pizza. I said it was 10 minutes away. Well, fuck it. That was 20 minutes ago. We've been off for 22 minutes. No, I rang him in the middle of the show. Bob, can you call him if we get it?

Plug it in the phone and hear what? Don't tell him what to do with his show. Thank you. And you know what? I'd like to say that I've been on two riot cast shows besides ours this week and It's way better than the glory hole show Give a shit

He deserves it. He's somebody should blow him. Yeah, somebody should blow me She's right there. She's coming back on the show When is your first time on the show? That's what you need to do. We've all done it. Oh well. I'll pick to your next. First of all, don't tell him that because he'd actually

do it on the fucking... I'm really, I'm talking about it in jest. He would, you drop your pants, he's down there, right? As you're explaining it, I'm already unzipping. He's putting on his fucking natural chap stick right now. He got from the blood of a fucking whale. It really is uncomfortable for you guys of the same fucking haircut. It's actually gross. Yeah Why is it uncomfortable? It's not uncomfortable for her. Oh, him. Who's

Over me because I don't have hair. I really want it. I Actually like only hair better. I think he I think he I think he actually treats it more. I do what are you using it? Whatever my girlfriend has in the fucking shower I Treats it more. I do. What are you using it? Whatever my girlfriend has in the fucking shower I And girlfriend you mean and girlfriend you mean life partner Okay, absolutely see the mom are your babies. No, no, no, no, you have babies with you or we'll get into that hang on I want to get back to you. I want to know so you're 10 million Vic What are you 10 million to get the fuck out of the business because I'm just stay home and play video games or whatever

What are you 10 million to get the fuck out of the business because I'm just stay home and play video games or whatever Six six mill and a house in Montana where I live like Charles Bronson and Magnet was seven Where I'm just like chopping wood? I let's see I've proven myself in my business though. That's the difference. Can I say something though? Here's this is why I like you you gave me a realistic number six mill which shot your face you had your shot now I'm talking Realist number and then you gave me okay, I'm gonna get a house in month So you're gonna you're gonna get the house with the six or you want it on top of the six I'd like it on top, but I'd settle I'd settle for it if they if you I had to buy it myself

So six mil you'd get a house in Montana and just live out your times there. Yeah, shopping wood the backyard Right, you're gonna go to Puerto Rico by a house there. You're gonna live like a fucking like a crack dealer Right, you're gonna go to Puerto Rico by a house there. You're gonna live like a fucking like a crack dealer You're gonna become a chef. Yeah, and me absolutely and that's why I have to raise little little James Gomez out in Montana Because his dad's causing too much trouble because his dad actually lives in Montana with six million Well, she fucked him. Listen, and you're still on 10 million. 10 million, yeah. And there's no way around it.

Kelly, you're five. Five. I think it would be, I think I, out of the business, drop the fuck out. I don't know if I'd have to, I don't need, I don't think I'd need ten. What's the interest rate on four? What would I make a year on four million?

12,000 per million yeah, but you would Halt yourself. I got 48,000 huh? How old are you I'm 37 37 how long you been in the business? Nine years how long you been selling like headlining around Probably make making your money as a headliner I'm a four years No, no, be honest with me. I'm not asking you to fuck with yourself a steam look I've been where you're at. I've been where you're at. I've been where I just because you've never been where

I'm not where there's people above me. I mean, all the different levels. It's not a big deal I'm not I'm not saying this to make you feel like shit. I mean, everybody's at different, I'm not Louis CK. You know, I'm not fuck Billy Burr. Just sold six shows. Sold out shows at the Wilbur Theatre. Okay, they're gone. It's done. I have one that is not even halfway sold.

200 ticket sold. I'm fucking, I'm, I don't, I'm like, ugh. It's my home fucking town. And these fucking clockshuckers Well fucking buy a ticket. They're all going to see Billy Burr. They can't go to two shows in a year Well, you have a podcast have like some free tickets for people That doesn't cut it. I need to sell tickets That's what happens see at my fucking where I'm at if I don't sell tickets if they don't make money off of me and

And and and make the money they pay me back I'm fucked and then it goes into bonuses and then you that's where we all make money But what venue is this by the way? It's the Wilbert theater. How many people in there? I don't know it's 1200 See yeah, I'm so I'm so I like which I'm happy for bill I have to say that because I'll go to hell and my career fall down I'm very happy for my good friend Billy, bro. No, seriously, good for him. Six shows, you need that. Yeah, and I'll go good for you.

Put that money under the bed. But Bob, he works hard, right? He's a hard worker, right? Right, Bob? Yeah, let me take something, but Billy, honest to God, I mean, we lived together for three years. Not solid, he was in LA and he would come back. And I remember he would sit there

and he worked harder than all of us. We would play video games and fuck off and I'd see him on his computer, writing jokes and working shit out. And yeah, he fucking worked hard, real hard, harder than me. I'd be like, dude, write that, that's funny. And I'd be like, yeah, whatever. And I'd just go do it and never do it again. Just because I was, I could go, I could just go on stage and be funny. Billy Burr fucking funny and and really worked his ass off so look I get it but it's you know can I say it's crazy he's selling out six shows that's unbelievable it's like holy shit can I play devil's advocate here please I think the majority of the people here excluding yourself high ball in their careers just a little bit they're high ballin it man no we we're not highballing it is you're I'm not there's nothing to do

I think you're right listen It's not a value on my career. I know I think I don't think you'd give it up what's five million what is it 48 that what is it five thousand? What do you have so much so much fucking self hatred? You know how much a mortgage are money? You know what your mortgage is on a new your money for anybody New York City apartment No, it's around I don't know 24 times 12 what is that

It's someone to do the math Hawaiian I think you're fucking conch shell and fucking Dioff 48 What is it two eight eight 12 don't be more confused you asshole 24 don't sell was 28 I'm dying. I'm dying. 48. No, look at this. What is it? 2.8.8. 24.12. Don't be more confused, you asshole. 24.0. 24.0.

288. 488. That was a kill. That's not the right man at all. I can't believe I'm going to say this. Can you please do the math? It's 24 times 12. 24 times 10.

No, 24.100 times 12 is what? 24.12. It's 2.0. It's 2.0. 20.000. 24 times 24 hundred times 12 is what 24 12 at two zero 200 40 thousand three years I just want to 20 thousand 28 thousand dollars a year to have a a nice two-bedroom in New York City yeah 24 hundred for a mortgage I'm not talking rent

you're fucking yourself because you got to pay rent I pay a mortgage once you get a mortgage you can get a nice half a million dollar pad in New York City or a six hundred thousand dollars. And it could be around at these rates, be around maybe two grand, a three point five, two hundred, probably around maybe even eighteen hundred dollars a month for a really nice apartment, a half a million dollar pad in New York City for your family to live. okay? And you're making your mortgage every year. So you don't have to touch your money. It's paying your fucking house off.

It's not about that, though. It's about that. It's for homebub. For you who I believe, and I truly do believe this, if you keep on the trajectory in your career, you'll be dead. No, you'll, you'll make, you're talking about food.

No, you will make more than $4 million off of your comedy within the next 10 years. I do believe it. Why are you so defensive of your career, one just the other day, you know what you're doing? It's not about, it's not about the career. I will win on my own fucking terms, but for me to walk away from it,

I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I-

I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I just, I- I if you got a point where you're like I'm at a point in my career Where I got to make a decision to take the money or I got to try to slog it out and there's no assurance that you're gonna ever get Where are you all at that point? Yeah, at all times every comedian working today even the fucking ones that are doing good I'm gonna be doing bad Not bill bur no bill but look not bill bur no bill but look look here talk about you want to talk about

slogging it out this guy moved to New York within six months had a fucking go carcy Warner pilot on fucking NBC carcy Warner was huge back then Kim Molly Ringwald some other fucking dude that's famous that you know but I don't know his name mother ginger so no not a ginger but it literally, book the fucking gig was on TV

with Molly fucking Ringwall on a ghost pilot that went. I mean, we're gonna talk about making it and then having to come down and live in LA and then he moved back to fucking New York and you know, had to start all over again and that's when he went and said, fuck it, I'm going to become, I mean, I don't know exactly because I'm not him, but I'm going to become the best comic I can be. And that's what I'm going to do.

And that's what took him, you know, here and blah, blah, blah. Was that the show with Joe from Facts of Life? I believe that was called townies, right? It was called townies. Yeah, Google that. townies. I thought she had a townies. What happened to you? I thought you had a good one.

That was a great actress. What? Yeah, what? I was like when friends came out and they had all those shows that are like that. Yeah, all the cars you wanted. But that's when they were given deals away too after that. But I mean, we're all at that point where it's like fucking,

if someone walks up to you with $5 million, you know, and you're like, dude, just walk the fuck away. Just someone eccentric millionaire. Here's $5 million, walk the fuck away. I'm just so many eccentric millionaire. Here's five million, walk the fuck away. Done. You're done. Done. Two million. I do it for one. Be honest.

You're a fucking piece of shit. I know, but I like it. But that's a problem with fucking comedy right now. I think there's way too many comics out there and 90% of the comics out there would walk away for a million dollars. You know, to be honest with you, 90% of them should walk away for 80. They should, they should walk away for a million dollars. You know, to be honest with you, 90% of them should walk away for 80.

They should walk away for 90% just quit in general. But I think you have to believe in yourself that you're gonna be worth more than that. A million dollars is a huge. I want you to believe in me, like I believe in me. How are you, how are you gonna make this, by the way, this risk, this decision? Well, now you got a little infant kid, six-week-old.

I'm done with him, I'm never going to. You got a beautiful girlfriend. Vick, can we acknowledge how long it takes for Kelly for Stuker to get anything on the internet? I mean, the whole lot of eight letters. Tell me, Townies, IMDB, I don't understand it. You can just talk to your fucking computer. She's on the Wikipedia. We got no wheat crusted pizza. We got no Alphan and Lauren Graham the chick that's in Gilmore. Go ahead and I'm

End of the mic. Oh dumb dumb. He's a guy from mom. So he's oh yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah There's no more information. Molly Ringwald. Okay. I'll find the information go call the piece call the pizza place Wait real quick. Can you look up Star Trek into the darkness? I wanted to see if there's anything new on that Oh man, she's really looking up right now holy shit You sure quit comedy $100 for this advice that I'm giving you right now I'm not a great comedy or nothing. You pay me $100 for this advice that I'm giving you right now. I'd settle for a million dollar and both my kids' college funds paid for.

Yeah, there you go. College your kids. Your kids secure forever. There's been a Perez that's finished college. 500 grand in your kid's career forever. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, ring wall Jenna Elfman Lauren Graham Joseph D. Retman who uh... Wow that's a guy that was married you know the chicken um... in American pie the Dolos self? Yes the blondes and hannagas. Yeah she actually married a guy with fucking long fucking curly hair who's kind of kind of he looked like he had a

fat guy face but he wasn't that fat. His name is Joseph D. Reppman. He married, he married her and then she dumped him years later. And Billy Burr, where the fuck is he? He's not even on here. You believe that? He's on, uh, he's on the Wikipedia page. He's not on fuck. He is not on IMDB. This is crazy. Well, because it's Bill, it's Bill Burr now. He probably has a new IMDB page. Just Billy Burr. Whatever, dude. He played Ryan Callahan Was he Billy before? Yeah, I don't know Yeah, you have kids. Yeah, two two kids. How old are you? I'm 35 35 and you have two kids. Where are they Miami in Miami? Yeah, you really are a teenager. You really are Spanish. They're teenagers. Yeah 16 and 14 when did you have them when I was 18?

To the math Bobby. I don't do math. Have we learned fucking anything? What's up? They're in their way. They're going to discount an order because been waiting so long. They what? They're discounting the order because been waiting so long. Just had a whole bunch deliveries at the same time. Yeah Well, when is it coming and how much did they discount it? I don't know. I'll find out when they get here. So now it's 19 So you have two kids and they're teenagers and so you don't know so you made the decision you don't have to be around them anymore. I'm careful. No, I'm not back in Florida every two months. No, the wife made that decision. She doesn't want to be around. What are you a fuck? What are you in the Marines? The fuck you're acting like that's cool. Every two men she goes here for a Friday.

Daddy's in town. Let's go. Go on and fucking, they call him, they call him by his first name. Leave me alone, Ooni. I don't want to go to Alpolotrapecala again. They don't know about that shit. They people do, listen. So you, I was just in Miami, by the way. Oh, with Miami improper, for like, no, I went down, I'm hanging out with your daughters. Sweet. That's as far. Yeah, let me know who they are.

Finger poppin' one of your kids. The only ones gay if you won't be into it. Yeah, well, I've turned a couple of those to... You've never seen Bobby's cities. Yeah, that'd be great. My dad would be happy. Did my ball smell like dirty cunt? Yeah, I was in a me Shrodrod actually called me like last April and he said that he's doing the show a teaser, a sizzle reel for this company for a show on the travel channel. And so we went and did it and whatever, you know, you do these things, you think nothing of it.

And then we finally got picked up for a pilot from the travel channel. So that we went to Miami to shoot this fucking show, get this show, I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying to get my shit together. It's hilarious. It's called food fight. It's cup casting really. I really say something like,

fucking two pies coming. And where we, it's not like Adam Richman where he eats like five pound hamburger, or like a 50 inch pizza. It's, we'll go, we go to town, like we go to Miami, and we'll hire a local guide or somebody who knows the town, and he'll take us to place to place, to place, until one of us taps the fuck out.

So we'll go and we'll, we went to, the Larry's or Versailles. Versailles. Yeah. I would expect a response. Versailles. No, no, it's like the Cuban the Cuban mecca of all Spanish food. So yeah, we get we so we literally jump out of a van. We have this guy driving we have cameras everywhere. We jump out and there's just cameras and we just have to walk up to people and start we didn't hear they were like just talk go. So we're walking up to all the Cubans and what's a very fucking nice people great place Cuban sandwich off the fucking charm

The best in the city holy shit So we eat and then we go to the Clevelander, okay, and we have the fucking okay We each pick one and like I'll he picked the fucking Tata Tots it's a mound of Tata Tots the size of Vicks Head. Right? Covered in cheese with... Just like Vicks Head. Ah!

That was a good one. I love jeans. Yeah, and you both fucking killed it. Yeah! Too fucking... I'm the only one that's not a professional comic here. I just want that noted. It is.

By that statement. No, you're not. There's five of us here. I just want that noted it is So yeah, we so we went there we got this Tata top thing, but here's the scenario. It's It's Outside on South Beach so it's all these fucking smoking hot people on South Beach music fucking smoking hot people on South Beach music fucking pumping people everywhere and then just two fat guys with the camera crew. I mean literally some of the like the guy from the movie with the chick with a football player and he was a fat big dude. Brian Bosworth. No, the other one with the girl that was married to the biking guy with the blind side.

That guy, the actual guy with the blind side that guy the actual guy No shit was out front with all those friends and all these hot chicks and waitresses and hot dudes I mean just smoking people and me and him and we have this and we all we have to get the same thing So he ordered that we have to get the same exact thing and we have to eat it the whole fucking thing And if somebody taps out the games over the show is done So you have to keep eating, but it's it's not like that was a big one Then we go and we have a small a small we had like Joe's crap shack. Oh, yeah Shit we go there. It's $200 a pop for crabs So stone crab, right? Yeah, so it's like the chain or a different one. No, this is the one

It's the original one The original is amazing. It's the original one. The original ones, the original ones. It's the original, but the stone crabs, and it's very expensive. But here we walk in, and the owner or the manager will come out and then bring us back, and then we'll travel channel stuff. We'll actually break up the stone we fuck it up, and we joke with people, and we took it too far with the cashier, and she put her head down, and we said something about God or something, and she froze, and walked away. It's kind of, It was just assholes.

So Bobby's not allowed back in Joe's Crab Shack. Well, we, uh, yeah, we just kept going all the way to, we went to the pizza bar on South Beach. Oh, yeah. Late at night, yeah, it was fucking drunk and they have these 36 inch pizzas. But we only do a slice. We don't do the whole thing like Adam did where you lose a foot and get diabetes You can say I'm out like it's I compare it to boxing where you have to just get knocked the fuck out and get brain damage to the UFC

Where you can just say I'll I'll I'll I'll I'm done and that's easy as you go from place to place to place to place to place Just so we'll go to Cleveland next time We'll go to fucking Buffalo. We'll go to Boston. We'll go to New York, and we just, we get a guide and we'll go, it was actually a fun time and it was great. It was actually a good show, so we'll see if it gets picked up. Bobby Kelly, yes. Gainway.

Gainway. Oh, wait, no, you're not. Gainway, yeah. We lost him, so I'm not getting to. It's funny, too, because you have these kids, and they grew up in your life. Do you look at it now that you have somebody to take care of you later in life?

Are you hoping that they do good in life so that at some point, if you do fail, absolutely. That you can. You mean what? No, one of my bits is they see me doing comedy. They're like, Dad, we're gonna follow our dreams. I'm like, no, you're not.

You're following my dream, which is free to go to fucking college. Really? And buy a home. Reward that bit and say it again. I'm like, no, you're not. You're following my dream, which is for you to go to fucking college. Really? And buy a home, and reword that bit and say it again. I just wanna hear it a different way. Yeah, I would like you. Flip your head off. Guys, it's on iTunes for now.

I'm gonna do it. That. You know what I mean? Aren't you worried that they might have been and you like you have been there? Nah, man, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're are you, what the fuck? They're gonna come back every month and a half. See you, guy. Yeah, well you're fucking stupid, a laskin' face.

I hope they fucking mind abanging someone from the Yukon. There's no fucking hopes and dreams. They're livin' in a fucking, a hut that's half built. They have to get salmon to live in the winter. Oh, I just imagine you like on the fucking tundra with a fucking thick buffalo skin on your back just like smoking a pipe. I'm in. That's actually part of my deal.

You're in a s... 5 million and that. You're going to be running a steam tent in Arizona. That sounds like I'll be doing hand jobs, is that? I mean really though, like I think of my kids, this's this, there's your kids that you don't have. My kid. They're like my best friends, man. My kids.

I think of this though. I have a thing in me that I'm finally like, okay, I'm okay. Because when I'm 80 or whenever, that I'm gonna be fucked up. You're not living to 80. There's gonna be, yeah, you're not. No without that travel channel shit.

Yeah. We're your 42 42 with one foot You're gonna be learning some Celtic wrestling with the honey Jones next Did you shut down them do you have diabetes? Listen to yours. It was interesting. I'll listen to that. I'm making sure you blood sugar No, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was, I was, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I can't put my face up to the bottom because it stinks a little bit. Do me a favor, fucking hang yourself with the bomb block. But I, in my brand, I'm like, okay, there's somebody,

like you don't have a kid, Tango. No. Kelly, you don't have kids. No. Vic, no kids. No kids. You have a kid. I do.

I mean, it's yours, whatever. It's not Change my answer. I have a kid. Yeah, I'm gonna be there for little James when he needs me to right now I just don't want to get involved in the middle of things which one is my papa Why do I like the smell of him more? I cry I know cry I cry, I know cry, I cry, I know cry. Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now?

Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now?

Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now?

Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? Why am I like that now? They're gonna come on and say give me this give me this yeah, they're gonna come on it. It's already wheat guys stop stop stop your fucking Tendencias en botas comodidad di Estilo desde 29 con 99 Daisman mucho por andar We're gonna call it the n-word What yeah, it's not a legal if we're fucking the tonight show you fucking asshole. We were thinking America Kelly They're called the jerky boys and they do Everybody's shush. Alright

Hey Kelly talk Ask her if they probably don't understand what she's saying I can't hear it. It's the dumbest crazy chick. Don't put on that speaker. Yeah, no, no, no take it off loud speaker you motherfucker. Hello. Hello Turn it up Hello, how are you? Is the pizza coming? Hello God dammit you guys are the worst I could hear could barely hear you. You got a time of volume up. She said she's like, I'm sorry. I'll take this.

You know, I'll tell you why this sucks because we're using a fucking phone from 1997. She has the iPhone. Oh, iPhone zero. This is what bugs me about Kelly. This is what really aggravates me. Honest of fucking God. Her act is that that her body? I know she has an act. I'm back baby.

I'm back. Here's the thing. She actually gives shit about this fucking pizza place that she'll never know more than me and what I've done for her in this fucking business. Like I'm asking her to call these people up who've fucked us on our pizza and put them on the air and she's actually protecting them. You know what else did that my fucking wife

and I'd give her the same goddamn lecture you're on my side not it's me and you against the world Kelly okay so fuck that pizza where'd she go she walked out of the room like your wife. She bounced. Did you turn her down? Did you turn her down? Oh, shit, sorry. Is there? I thought I did something wrong.

Apparently you fucking know when you're down. Sorry about that, Vic. All right. That's all right, I'm not offended. Okay, so you have, I really do. I feel that there's gonna be a point where I'm gonna They're gonna be responsible. It's kind of like I want to have to so I can have what case ones a dick The other one will be you know what I mean? Yeah playing against each other having a fight for your love

Like you want your kids to do get good for them, but you also want them to do good for you Yeah, that's the crisis my parents are having right now What do you mean? No, yeah, in general. So you should be here any second. So you went outside to talk to them? Yeah, I don't want to talk to them. Why wouldn't you do, well listen, who do you know them?

No. Why do you give a fuck about them? Because I like to be professional when I talk to people on the phone. You're professional pizza orderer? I've never, I'm so violently angry at you right now. Hey, I don't like talking to shit. Shut your Australian happiness up.

Because you're doing a podcast, I don't have a pizza conversation. The doing a podcast that you know, hilarious, it would have been, if we could have got them on the, I'm not saying it would have been, it could have been a dud like it was, because you panicked and you care what some fucking moron in a pizza place thinks to you. I can't fucking believe you. Why?

What do you mean why? What is it, man? Why would you take somebody else aside? I don't mean, I don't want to be mean to someone on the fine, but. It's not me, it's just asked to wear the food that. Yeah, I did. I'm a...

Bobby was gonna be mean. Did you think I was gonna call him? I'm gonna go, hey, fuck cunt. No, no, no. Your mother's a cunt. No, you're gonna be mean about me to her. I was gonna call them? I'm gonna go, hey fuck hunt. No, I'm not. No, you're gonna be mean about me to her. No, I wasn't. I was gonna go where I'm gonna go. I wanted you to go where's the pizza?

Karma fuck hunt. I want you to where's the pizza been waiting for a long time. You really think. Really? Oh, wait, how's it going to wait? I mean, really, take the fucking 100,000 now. Take the 100 grand now. It's actually now gonna be about 10,000 It's not even it's really just actually a half a pizza take your slice

Yeah, how much will cost to get you out of this country? I really I'm having a kid now like five five months in a week or so. Oh congratulations. That's great. Yeah. I'm excited Well, here's this is what's happening is that everybody told me to have one who had one You love it that changes your life and then when you do when you say okay, she's pregnant They all laugh. They go, ha ha ha. It's over. You're never going to get sleep, and then they start,

they switch. It's like, you never, it's like they trick me into having a kid where you're never going to get sleep. It's going to be fucking crazy. Kiss your fucking, your time goodbye. And now it's a, before it was this, dude, it changes your life. It's the most amazing thing ever.

Oh, you're gonna love it. You're gonna be a better person. And then when I said I'm having one, ah, you fucking done, you're getting no sleep. Your life's gonna suck. Kids should fucking sex life, goodbye. No, it's a burden. Yeah, I don't get it.

I really don't. And this is honest to God what people have been doing to me. Well, you know, as a father, I wanna tell you that, you know, it's tough, you know, it's tough raising kids, you know, you expect stuff, you know. Yeah, but you're not a regular father. You got to just come in somebody and then quickly run out the back door.

Victor not work. What's up with you, I get all right. Just say I'm not joking. I fucked up. I, uh, let me rework that. I swad. I thought. Let me work that.

Yeah, that's a shade. Hey, hey, hey, big moonwalk that's back door. Let me rework that. I swad. I thought that. Let me work that shade. Yeah, that shade. The big moon walked up the back door. But I mean, your daughter's a how old again? 16 and 14. Oh yeah. She's 14. Jesus Christ.

Can I say again? Are you friendly? Do they have a new father with the new mother? No. No, she's never, she tried a couple times, but they've all failed. Really? Why? You're not with dad Phil.

Same reason that I'm fucking bailed. She been in Spanish yeah oh yeah and from Cuba is she for the island really oh there you go man those communist chicks they're crazies yeah she's hard core man well so I mean here so do you think are you worried that your kids are gonna be fuck ups and not and you're gonna you gonna have to take care of them later in life and they're not gonna be there for you later now they're great kids they go to fuck ups and not and you're gonna you're gonna have to take care of them later in life and they're not gonna be there for you later. No they're great kids they go to they go to private school they're excellent students both of them. I mean I do gotta give it yeah I give it to the mom. The mom works at the school for the private school. Yeah and they uh

that shit bugs me. What? Nah when somebody fucking hooks up a deal like that you know you shouldn't have it. You didn't deserve it, you didn't pay for it. Yeah, she fucking, like, someone said some, yeah, my kids go to school with the royalty of Miami. Right? Yeah. So we don't compete like they go to parties where the kids get picked up and humvee, limos and shit.

Yeah, he's taught us a feeling that. They know that they were, they're gonna be fun. No, they must make your mom, look at the girls they're friends with. That must make your mom feel good. They get picked up a humvee, he's gonna go to parties. She's waiting for the bus after work. that they were. No, I must make you. Look at the girls their friends with. That must make you mom feel good. They didn't pick that behind me. He's going to party. She's waiting for the bus after work.

See you later, mom. See you back at the house. I'll have the puppy drop us off. Yeah, right at the bus stop. So, so you wife, how old your wife? She's 35. Oh, yeah. So we, we stop.

How old were you? I had kids. kids how was she pregnant an 18 born in 19 How she was 16 Wait, is your 16 year lesbian is your 14 year old school. How do you know she's gay? Yeah, she's openly told us and she has a girlfriend and by the way only looks more like a lesbian than she does right really You do so she wants someone who's like like her father Have you ever been hit by a woman

As anybody I'm mistaken you for having a fat gun Everyone in this room Right now Everyone in this room. I'm so happy Have you been felt up looking at my Grotters I want your I want to see your dick right now I want proofs I'm not your own show only is all gun and pussy I

Got two grown up pieces of semen walking around guys don't worry. Oh shit. Yeah. Well, yeah that that can happen So does a fucking Rosie Don't fight yourself listen listen Lizbo Listen and reflect early movie now. I'm so conscious about you looking at my mom because it looks like a cont with those I I'm I mean don't you get nervous? Tinkle that you're gonna be all right here Give me the scenario ready you're gonna be 60 and the long oh I'm do I haven't I haven't really thought about it up until the last year and then last year

I've been thinking about it about like having a kid so I that I'll ask you about the ex Australian girlfriend What are you fucking TMZ? What are my Harvey? He met her on the Barbie. They were doing stuff with that was a cheap one. I know. I lost it. I am serious. I started thinking that like I know I have my wife. So here's the one thing I have. I'm at a point in my life where I love I really mean my wife are connected. We're in a good spot right now. It's cool, and I know that we'll be together right now, supposedly forever. I don't see us ever being apart.

I see us getting closer. So I'll have her. I hope your wife is filing divorce papers right now. And at least I can get a divorce. You have fucking demon marriage that you have. I'm fucking evil. You're going to hell. You know that. That's going to hell. You're going to hell. You you're banky chick out of wedlock and you live together

I mean you might as well just fuck the neighbor's wife and rob somebody and lie at the same time get them all out of the way He's already done that he's done it. Yeah, we're out either watch the movie seven and just work your way What's in the box? Boston, I'm coming back, motherfucker. I'm doing the Will Betheta kid. Will Betheta, March 15th, big show. I was supposed to come back a few months ago, but I don't know, I just, I didn't want to come back every fucking three months. I finally found out I'm having a baby. I got a few new jokes for you.

We'll have a good time. It's going to be a blast. So make sure you get your tickets now. Go to Robert Kelly Live.com, get my iPhone app, go to Wilburtheeter.com, get your fucking tickets. Take out your debit card and swipe it. It's as easy as that. You pick your seat, you get your girl's seat, you get your friend's seat, haven't paid you back the night of the show, they'll probably blow you off because they don't have any fucking money and their family via. But who gives a shit? It's gonna be a blast. I can't wait to come home. March 15th, Wilbur Theater, me, you, let's have some fun and some laughs, motherfuckas, yeah, cocksackas,

fucking Boston. So, I think about that shit, man, I get fucking nervous that I didn't wanna be, you know, I meant when I was banging broads and I was in shape and I was doing comedy and I was like, this is gonna be great. And all of a sudden I look at these guys, I have friends who are single and they're older

and it's like, holy shit. I don't wanna be in an apartment at 60, 65. I don't wanna be in an apartment. I don't wanna come home alone, turn on a fucking, I mean, look, I'm not saying, I know those people out there that have, that's their life, my uncle does it. He's happy I get it. There's people that are happy with that and that's their life, but for the type of person I am

I don't know fucking needy Bob that comes from because you're like me in that sense, dude I don't have I don't have a good home life so I when I found out Beatrice was pregnant like my immediate reaction was like all right We're having a baby. It wasn't a damn discussion. He was like, did you fuck a black guy? I hope it's Polish. My wife found out your kid, she fucked the super. He definitely, he's definitely a little Puerto Rican.

Have you seen my brown baby? Or Mexican baby? He's brown from her. I hope it's a mixture of two sperms. It's a neighbor and the pollock fucking super. But I didn't have a, I literally, I don't have people in my family that tell me they love me. So when I found out I was having a fucking baby,

that was like, You know, I have anybody that tells you they love you. No, except my baby. You know what I'm looking like, aren't you? I was just, I was just loose. I like you a lot. How's that? I felt good. Alright, you felt good?

I feel wanting to. But dude, I think that's what that longing is though. Like, have a family and have like a support system. You were fucked up, kid. You were out of the house at 12. I've never had a dad. And then my therapist said, yeah, stop it. You're never gonna get one.

Now you're the dad. Deal with it. I was like, but how the fuck your therapist is horrible holy shit No, he's great. He's fucking first day in there. I Listen, oh, give me my money. Let's smoke some weed. I told him I go You're not making me a little queer. He's a you're already a little queer. Why you here men don't need this He was men don't need to talk to me sit down what happened Yeah, I understand you say and I am I'm a fucking I want to be I need I've always wanted somebody to you know

Ask a question to like what the fuck what do I do? What's going on? How do I do this? I mean? I I did the math from at around 10. I said no math. I was you know regular math Basic math I for at 10 I started drinking and using drugs Holy shit and then I quit for a little bit because I'm doing I should attend I don't know where to even know dead Yeah, I don't my my mother had left my second stepfather who was very abusive, who was very physically and verbally abusive, used to punch me. And I remember, I'm like a punch in the face,

had to go to school with a black eye, I was just crying. And then they kicked me out of fucking Catholic school because they didn't want the trouble. That's how they dealt with it, fucking, toot nuns. But when she finally left them, we didn't go back. We went to a two bedroom apartment near my grandmother's. So I didn't have anybody at all. My mother had to work like five, six days a week

just so we didn't have to go welfare. So I was alone all the fucking time. So I didn't have anybody at all. At all to tell me, don't do this, don't do that. I was just by my fucking self. My sister the same way, we're both physically and mentally fucked from this guy for five years, telling us we're stupid, we're dumb, we're fat, we're idiots, shut the fuck up. He got it. Huh? He got it. So nailed it. He was very precise. He was a true speaker. The guy was a saint. Hey really? If you don't have the fucking pizza in your hand, I'm going to hit you in the

rim. Jesus. That's a fucking pizza. How much is it? If that cheese is on the top of the fucking box, I'm killing something. something better come with a stripper dude We've been weighing way too long right well Right rights It wasn't a joke he was really being serious Right he really wants a stripper. Yeah, when the lap dance right now fucking pizza. I am yeah, so I get it It was a fucking it it, I had nobody. And then it went on for a 12 to 13.

I was just drinking a drug and I had nobody. It was kind of on the streets. And then I went to jail at 13. And you asked me early what I went to jail for, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, some cases? On our rawri assault and battery, malice destruction, trash pass in and break in probation. It was a culmination of little things that happened that I got arrested for a cause. Oh, I'm the same.

And then one that last thing that I did was we wound up kicking the, vandalizing the soccer fields at, we wound up vandalizing the soccer fields and then I ripped off a pizza place. Me and my friend Frankie, ripped off this place. Not about gunpoint. How do you vandalizing the soccer fields and then I ripped off a pizza place me and my friend Frankie ripped off this place Not about gunpoint. How do you vandalize the soccer field? Do you like you know the fences around the baseball another soccer field a baseball field?

You know the fence we just ripped it all down We used to do it all the time. We used to the soccer poles We used to burn them light them on fire Every day's this little we every night and then we stole a car in cross formation. And we were driving. I was like, what was that? Lewis is. We stole a car and we were going to run him over one day.

I said, a burn him. And the last second, the kid swerved the wheel. They replaced them with steel. We would have been fucking shmealed. We would have been fucking street pizza. The last second, it was a steel metal pole that repaced them finally. And then we just ripped apart the baseball shit. But I got caught, whatever, I got caught, you know,

probably for shit that everybody's fucking done. I don't know who he was, but I'm sorry. And honestly, it's better that you got caught then, because that you not been caught then. But how many were 18 or 19? You would have done some fucked up. I would have been well my alcoholism at that point my drug addiction I would have done anything yeah anything that just had not be alone again you understand when I started doing drugs and drinking it was because you know crew like you showed up and I you did it So I just did what you did. Fatas Panacas. She's a Marriachi band show.

Come on, let's go burn the sucker, me. Hold it. I don't know if I should go. Come on, man. Don't be a putto. That's a very, very, very, very for a second. I don't know what it was Yeah, so I mean yeah, I would have been fucked is the pizza here. Yeah, yeah, and done I'm so fucking annoyed with Kelly for still go right now. I'm not even looking at it. I'm not looking at it I'm not what's wrong with it taking picture of the shit fucking pizza. I'm not even looking at it. I'm not looking at it. I'm not what's wrong with it? Take a picture of the shit fucking pizza. I mean this is thin crust. This is dominoes garbage

You're like my fucking wife You get a whole way pizza It stinks You know why can't somebody just go I fucked up. I'm sorry You know why can't somebody just go I fucked up. I'm sorry I got eight guys in here and you order this is literally you know fucking pizza How about you find out what fucking type of pizza it is you fucking you this I mean I'm guys am I am I fucking mine? You this I mean guys am I out of my fucking mind?

There's enough pizza here for fucking three people I got Vic and Lewis who could fucking throw down a pie each me I'm gonna fucking TV show about eating Why aren't you recording right I am Fucking on this fucking days like fucking sawdust if I pay for this you would be fucking never talked to It's there's fucking like like two pleasing places downstairs isn't there one right to the right like Whatever and our jokes I blame cow jokes I blame Kelly and I blame you Lewis but I'll listen to what no one does hang on you know what Lewis I do blame you. I'm sorry Kelly shut the fuck up You know what Lewis fuck you you're a fat fuck deal with it

You're not gonna fucking eat a wee pizza tonight and lose 20 pounds you did it shit dick I didn't want to get shitty weight pizza. They don't shitty all your jokes I want a fucking job This is great no This is awful there. This is I want to eat this fucking shitty then we pizza. You know this is like this It's like you can sand Don't fucking start talking like you know shit you spineless Let's just get Joe's fuck with pizzas like I won't wait. So these are the closest place Pay for it. Are we okay?

$5. Oh, I've got napkins. I've got napkins good. Here's a deal as fucking when I want a pizza I want a fucking huge pizza Kelly. I don't want a square pizza. This has some type of Indian spice on it They put pap reaker and fucking frankincense in mer. You're an asshole. I'm sorry, I didn't know it was gonna be like that. Only sells jars of this spice on the side of the road, Nerizone. What type of pizza do you think?

Why would you, did you even see the type, did you even go to the website? Yeah, but I did, there was no pizzas. I just said to large plain cheese. Plain cheese. Well, I'm eating a diamond shaped slice of pizza right now. It's literally a fucking... But how neat is it to eat it?

If it was those big ones, I wish I wish I wish I hope you fucking train crashes tonight back to Astoria. I hope someone calls me Nore go Kelly had to go back to Australia She couldn't stay here anymore. Her green card was fucking taken away Yeah, just think everybody we're gonna. No, you're eating some of this. No, no, no, why Bobby's like wait pizza? Actually, I hate it It takes all I don't give a fuck you're having a bite of this eat a bite of it I want you to know how this sucks. Yeah, it's pretty bad take a bite take a fucking bite Lucis are in eight little slices and he's not

He's not commenting because he's too busy When he was a child when he was on drugs and everything a stepfather used to eat pizza when he beat him drugs and everything is stepfather used to eat pizza when he beat him. He's a give me the weight pizza you little fat shit. It was awful. Yeah I'm never like weight pizza. I just say something. The people that listen to this show, there's one thing they hate is eating. There's nothing worse. I'm wondering what the fuck. Then listen to everybody's showing the mic. Oh, I'm sorry. Kelly, I blame Lewis. Bobby's blood sugar levels come back down, so he's gonna right now.

Kelly, I still love you. I'm sorry, Bobby. Bobby's blood sugar levels come back down so he's gonna right now Kale, I still love you It's fucking no, I need a water I'm gonna fucking die cuz it's sand This is the what what place is this? Slas on the head well enough slice what a Slice on Hudson. Well, no slice. What a shitty fucking name, too. What a like a hipster douchebag fucking. I know, right?

I would love to review this piece. I'm gonna review this piece, I'm gonna not shape my ass slice, either. How do you think this piece is? You know what, dude? I can tell this piece to a problem would be pretty decent if it was actually hot. And even admittedly, the drive even made me

like, I know I'm really late. I'm so sorry, my GPS fucked up. I'm like, you're from, you you're on Hudson we're on McDougal you like fucking I would have walked How are you a driver and you need GPS on a bike? He's like I got lost and I rang it when I said I'm like you know I'm like we're not paying for this are we just like I'm so sorry you know you know that's just holy shit It's like cheese on a weeper it You know, that's just holy shit. It tastes like cheese on a wheat bread Exactly what it is. Yeah, that was not worth breaking this is fucking the most fucking worst thing ever I think we'll kind of a soda Here's the best part though. It won't make it like everybody's and eat that

I'm eating it out of anger now Absolutely, I hope I fucking So next time I'm just gonna just get joys and say to wait. Kelly, this is probably my only time on this show, so. So, you'll be back on. Oh, man, let's see. Come in next. No, that down.

With your hot pussy, you're coming back on every week. Yeah, with your fucking. He's got a hot pussy. Yeah, you're fucking pulpery. Fucking twat. He's coming back on. We say it was. Is it big and fat? It's every way. Yeah, with you fucking he's got a hot pussy. Yeah, you have fucking popery fucking twat Coming back on it. We say it was big and fat. It's fucking yeah. It's meaty. I like to call it fat

His pussy has the same haircut as both of you guys nice. I'll ask him to understand parts of the side. It's quite beabourish You make me a cane You make me a cane. With a deer angler handle? You got it, I'll get my people on it. I'm still recording. No recording, this is one of the worst peaches we've ever... I'm gonna describe this piece of you. First of all, a pizza should never come in a fucking square.

It's a rectangle. That's a rectangle. It's a rectangle, so it's not even like a foot wide. It's like maybe. It's not even a rectangle, but it's a rectangle. So it's not even like a foot wide. It's like maybe eight inches wide. And it's long. Blue, give me that slice. It's the same size box.

Give me that cheese slice. It was like a model airplane or something. Okay, now here. Squares. And what they do is they cut it, okay. It's thin crust, first of all, thin crust. So it's basically wheat pita bread bread, is what they, they fly it out. They throw some sauce on it, and then they get some shitty cheese.

It's not even, I don't even know what kind of cheese that is, like low-fat fucking cheese. Yeah, it's barely cheese. Because it's not even, it's not even melty, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's not, there's no juice in it, there's nothing in it. It's like Indian cheese, it's like stretched it's it's not there's no juice in it. There's nothing in it. It's like Indian cheese It's like stretched out. It's like Mexican cheese. No offense I'm not taking Horale

Oh, or cheese is not meant for pizza And then they cut it they Chris cost Chris cross cut it all the way or long like the generates I look I think that's the thing look at the top of the box. That's the logo is the way they cut their pizza I don't want fucking diamond shaped pizza little nuggets I don't want adurbs. I don't want a fucking pizza or adurbs I don't want a little tiny I want a big slice. I'm in New York City for Christ sakes. This isn't Dallas Whatever that means Take that Dallas

Fuck me. I don't think they'd serve it this way. Dallas, either. No, Dallas has great pizza, actually. This is how they'd serve pizza and say, uh... A college fucking... This is little Caesars. Roanoke, Virginia. No, dude, little pizza would like to be.

Domino's. Domino's actually great. I don't mind Domino's. No, you really are a poor region. You're in the world. Can you just say that with more food in your mouth please? No. All people will figure that with more food in your mouth please? No. All people have figured that one out. What are you saying?

All right, we were right. We were right. Bobby, I love how much he hates it, but he's just shoveling into his face right now. He's starving. We waited a whole show for this. Thank you. Thank you. Even I was like hungry by the time we got to it. Even you? Yeah. He's a bunch of Taguruini. I'm going to be like sick later tonight for the, I'm going to be like wheat pizza coma. Yeah, you're a shit. I was fucking eating all day except for the steak that I got for lunch and the fucking oysters. I'm going to plant chowder.

I'm going to plant chowder. I'm going to plant chowder. And then the fucking egg sandwich I have for breakfast with a half a scone. Egg sandwich and the scallops. And then the fucking egg sandwich you have for breakfast with a half a scone Hey, it's not Kelly is Game away That was a miserable experience if there's one thing I hate on this earth Kelly for sick exact me

If there's no Kelly I don't hate you. I hate how you I expect more I'd be in a fat fuck that you are I know that you're not now, right? But you should know better. I should know my pay-time. You should know and then you stuck up for these fucking twats That you walked out of the room and you wouldn't let us fucking trash them shows me you have no loyalty to me I mean am I right? No loyalty you have no loyalty to me. I mean, am I right? No loyalty. You have no loyalty of a health cat. You do, you have, you exactly. You have no loyalty to me. You'd rather have somebody at a pizza place

that you might have to get a job at later in your fucking life. You don't want to piss them off. These people who fucked me came late, gave me shitty pizza. You'd rather have them like you or not be mad at you than to fucking put them on the fucking air and expose them For the hunks of shit that they are with their shitty fucked up pizza You'd rather protect them than to give me and go along with what I'm doing from my show

Yeah, pretty much All that she nailed it Lewis would have berated them and threatened them. I don't do pizza. I would have punched the fucking delivery guy in his mouth and then I would have forced fed him to pizza. He once made a Domino's delivery guy. This is what it was really cold.

It was like a some rainstorm. No, I'm not even wrong. I'm just not presenting this like a thumb rope. We ordered, this is a while back. We ordered a cheese bread. Cheesy bread, Domino's. And they came and they didn't put marinara sauce with it. They didn't bring marinara sauce.

Who the fuck orders cheesy bread? As you can tell, it was like a nuclear bomb went on. So then the delivery guy comes like, you know, 20 minutes later. Just with these little marinara sauce, and he's totally pissed, it gives Lewis attitude. And I didn't tip him the second time. And he fucked up. I'm not that much of an asshole. Wow. I mean, that's crazy, Louis. No, dude, I'm kidding. Yeah totally pissed and gives Lewis added and I didn't tip him the second time and he fucked up

I mean that's crazy Are you crazy dude cheesy bread with no marinara so what is the point? Sure principal sure I ate some of it with just the butter that you did They gave me the butter Oh, they give you a side of butter, but no man The garlic butter you don't give people like you know, I like Louis the fun as well because people die Well, dude, let me tell you something. I'm great at getting what I want out of people sure They might rub it on their assholes, but they get you have a fucking switchblade the ski mask Yeah, me times I've been in the cab with him when they'd be rating the driver and we're like trying to get somewhere

Dude, do you know what you look like without a hat? Yes, hilarious, apparently. And a YouTube loses act and you'll see what this running joke is. I was thinking, well, listen to the last hamburger fisting. You know what? I really don't like one fucking... I get fucked. I can't tell how many fights I got with my wife about you go to these places, we're going to fight in a rubah because there was a pizza place that had a big-ass pizza like big pizza You when you say fuck it. I'm getting pizza because you as a fatty

I'm always not getting pizza when I want it Every second of the day. I'm not getting my pizza So when I finally go fuck it, I'm getting it, and I'm getting it for all my friends, and we're gonna do a show, and it shows up, and it's the fucking thin, fuck you, God, play the trick on me, pizza. I'm angry, and we went to this place,

and it was a trendy little place, and there's little personal Peats is that you get and it cost like $17 for a little tiny pie that I can wolf down and Fucking five seconds now I got to stare at my wife who eats like fucking George George Burns I don't even know what that means. That's a very rare phrase. Takes her fucking 90 days just to eat one fucking slice. She's like a baby mouse. So now I'm watching her.

Now, either I get an order another pizza for another $20 and look like a fucking asshole or you know. You start eating hers, that's what I do. No, no, you get to go fucking order. So you know, get me a salad. And I'm angry, I'm fucking angry. In this place, how much was it for the slices pizzas twenty dollars we really pay for that we didn't fucking pay you know you tipped them still I gave him five bucks did you give it to him or

did I give it to him Kelly exactly wow she because you can't this is what Kelly does she's like my fucking wife she cares more about I gave my wife this talk, Kelly. You're my soldier. You're on my team. If you ever join somebody else's team in front of me, I'll kick you off my team. You're on my team. We are on the same team.

I'm not joining anyone else's team. I just would rather you know my angry. I'll handle it. It's me saying, I've never seen it more angry. I's team. I just would rather you know you're angry all handled it's me saying I've never seen it more Yeah, you didn't get it Let me tell you what bugs me though you tip the guy Here's the problem. Here's the problem. I didn't check Fuck you and your little white. That's exactly what my wife does do What little passive aggressive all paying the five dollars

Nobody's gonna take away your metro card for a month Okay, so you give me a five dollars second of all that slice Thanks, I hope you took their side you gave him my money You fucking you gave you didn't yell at them. You didn't say fuck you You didn't put them on the phone. I appreciate his phone You didn't put them on the phone when I asked you to put them on the phone You actually said no to me I did put them on the phone and that would work and you but you didn't want to Of course I didn't want to why because why I just didn't want to embarrass this poor girl

It wasn't her fuck because she's just on the fine. She's not the drive-action Maybe they make better pizza. Maybe we'll need to help that company. Maybe she's like a teen trying to put herself her school and we're gonna ruin her night. Maybe how about this? How about this? Maybe she's actually 37. Okay, she's been fucking addicted to crack left one baby on a doorstep. Another baby died inside a room and fell out in an alley Now she has to work here at this shit place because she's on a methadone fucking clinic. Okay, she doesn't give a fuck about anybody. And she spits in the pizza with fucking Hep C and AIDS. It's coming my mom right now.

Well, either way. But you know, I would never change teams for some crack. I want to, I want, I want to fucking, I want to vote right now. Did Kelly rape Kelly no Someday Reason I don't know of some animalistic instinct inside me. I wanted to jump on board First of all every minute we're not raping you just realize realize that. Just like Bobby is not having pizza at every moment. Every moment I'm not raping you.

And here's what I agree with you too, is that Lewis is the fucking, the founder of this debacle. He's the fucking, also he took a stand, he's his fat. Yeah, but it's like, dude, you're gonna eat pizza fucked hard. You're fat.

You're not gonna save the world tonight. All right, when I say pizza and you fat friends are in the room and yes, you're fat, Tinkle, too. All right, you take your shirt off, you're a mess. His brow, his brow is fat. Ha, ha, ha. You're either all in or you go home.

That's the way you do it. But that's where it started from is because Lewis turned his back on you in the beginning, because if I were here when you ordered it, I would have been on like from is because Lewis turned his back on you and the beginning because if I were here when you ordered it I would be on like no Bible let's just get this would be fine but Lewis and the guy next to you and you back on you went no bro wait bro listen to me I don't give a fuck you Bobby how about that I'm gonna have a weed allergy by the way how do we even like what that what you have a weed allergy that I mean that actually made it

worse either way so then so you could add a regular piece of pizza. Yeah, no I'm allergic to that too, but the wheat makes it worse gluten. Yeah, so I'm gonna have the worst How do we let this run? Yeah, so you're killing you not only do you fucking breaking me and Kelly's fucking Bond up do you the YKW fucking bond you're actually killing Vic And then you heard You heard fucking dinko because he hasn't said a word and fucking 20 minutes and then there's Hawaiian fucking fish face Staring at me with a stupid thin mouth Why do you fucking stop for fuck everything up? How come now you want to hold away pizza? I don't understand you never Fuck things up for fuck everything up. How come now you want a whole way pizza? I don't understand you never I'll always put a whole week to it

And last week on the show we're talking about how a whole week is actually bad for you So that's why I'm like, Bob, I don't want to do this. Let me do something else. You're a piece of shit, Louis Louis wants to do this. You're a fucking hunk of shit. That's why you ride browse dyin I'm not gonna let you raise my baby like this. No sir Fuck Louis Lewis you know Dexter Lewis Gomez you're a fucking selfish J Gomez clock suck. I'm you know your latest romance jerk off You deserve to not have a mother and father right now

How come we're gonna give him how this is? Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying to say, Lou is trying They go boo but they don't say it right they said boo we have access What's that how can we let them have this J no calls on it? I do I just call that it says for jerk off every time He says it name it something of Joker I do I just call that it says for jerk off every time he says it name it's something of joker Joe golf No, that's you jokers, you know Get a little I'm so I'm only too far. You know, we're kidding around you you step in here You're on the place. Why don't you lighten up a little bit, all right? He's a forget Sony. Yeah, we're not fucking we're not fuck we can't see Russia from where we live

And when I fuck we can't see Russia from where we live. So fucking Angie. You're gunna control the lights. Yeah. You're fucking trucking your tent. Oh, cool. Ice cubes on the ground. I still don't actually know where I'm from. Either Alaska or Hawaii.

One of the two, I have. You have from here. You have from Arizona. Oh, why am I so mixed up? Oh, no, she took a mermaid and a whale to get here. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You took a mermaid and a whale to get here. You're face is disturbing. It really is disturbing.

You should be selling cigarettes near a casino. I'm fucking angry man. That pizza debacle fucked me up. Now I was so hungry I'd eat the shit. It was just like eating thin dried up wheat bread You feel much lighter than you would have felt It's disappointing because you either like you either go all the way and you're waiting for this thing You're already gonna feel bad eating it and then you get a shitty version of it. Yeah, I don't feel bad

I feel great. Yeah, cuz you're an asshole Your selfish asshole All right. Yeah, I hope your kid doesn't like you. I'm a panicking like Kelly Fistook. I can't wait to get gay kid. Oh, I can't wait. Hope he's a fat gay kid too.

I hope other gay people don't want to fuck him. There we go. He'll be able to live with you until he's 40 because he's just a fat, pimpled faced homo. Hey, dad. What are you doing tonight? You on a guy, wait. Hey, ah.

Ah. Ah. Are we in the water? Hey, dad, what are you doing tonight? You wanna get, wait, hey, talk. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the nice man. Why do I know how to speak college. And that's what you know it's your job. God damn it dude. I'm fucking annoyed. We have a nice little podcast. We took a nice little pizza break and we were to come right back in all happy with pizza. No happy pizza man. Pizza makes people happy. So you're the unifying food a good slice of pizza you fold it and you take I mean come on Kelly Oh, you cannot fold that slice by the way. No, you can't You can fold it The scissors that cut in half and then never gonna get that feeling from healthy pizza though No, you're not Kelly you're right and I don't I fucking I

I turned on you Kelly and I it's all right. I feel bad. I feel bad because it's really this fucking fat demon face. Yeah, yeah, you're not gonna scare me. Lewis is supposed to make a way. Oh God, we're gonna start. We really need to give video. We're gonna start fucking you streaming this show. My microphone stinks like Lewis because he was using it before I got his phone.

I want you to describe what it smells like I don't know it's like Puerto Rico and disappointment This is like pork and a foot met a ball First of all I stop smoking cigars stop smoking weed That's it. We eat a cup of my face up to it. Really? Well, take it.

I tried it, but it's so sticked. Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? It doesn't. Look at those fat lips. Melano just smells like if I have a close to he's dick, I had the blowing point for it. Hato, do you have to blow me? Because I'm a comic in New York City.

Oh, whatever reason. He's not headlining yet. Louis really was just waiting around for a nice come back Lewis so anyways Kelly we were talking about now you're here Here's the other spectrum is that you know I was worried I was always worried about now that I have a sun coming hopefully knock on fucking wood Everything comes out, you know good the sun coming, hopefully knock on fucking wood. Everything comes out good.

But you have kids and Lewis has kids and these guys don't, but are you worried about some day being a fucking 50 year old alone broad? In an apartment in Astoria or having to move back home and live with your folks? Yeah. Now here's the problem. Here's what fucking, this is where the option you get

that Vic doesn't get and Tinkle doesn't get and I don't get and fish face enemy the people doesn't get And Lewis doesn't get because he's put a Regan is you can you can in your brain at any point as a semi attractive woman That's what that's not she if she if she she can get dolled up if she tries She looks smoking hot and if she stops, you know stuffing her face with candy only guys, she doesn't have spots Just crying in the Cup face with her wait wait wait, do you see her in the summer. She'll be back Yeah, okay, she's a pretty Kelly's a pretty girl, man

Now at any point, you know you can do You can say fuck it. I'm done. I'm gonna go meet a dude I'm gonna meet a guy. I'm gonna meet guy after guy until I find one with a fucking good job That likes me. I don't give a fuck what he looks like as long you know He's not a fucking piece of shit and he doesn't make me throw up when I look at his fucking face, he's okay. And he's got a great job.

I'm gonna fuck him, suck him. I'm gonna make a mind. I'm gonna marry him and I'm done. What if I make it so romantic? Yeah, I'm like, I'm ill. Not all of us get stabbed. Right? You have that option. I do have that option, but I don't think it's that easy to find a guy I mean, not all of us get stabbed. Right? You have that option. I do have that option, but I don't think it's that easy to find a guy with an amazing job. He's not going to make me feel sick every time I have to blow in.

I'll tell you what's not easy finding a girl with an amazing job that would let a guy fucking just eat her pussy instead. Almost she goes to work. I think the more realistic thing is finding a girl that maybe has two or three kids, but you know, you know, she's ready to settle to and she needs someone to raise the kids and you you just realize that staying at home and listening to stained all the time probably isn't a good thing for you. Yeah but that's a shit that sucks. She has the option of going to say her options are way better than ours. My option is bad though because when we're talking about marriage and kids though for

women they always have to step back if they want those things. What? You like if I better than ours. My option is bad though because when we talk about marriage and kids though, for women they always have to step back if they want those things. What? Like if I want to do those things, for where ever I'm doing it. Put the pencil down, put the pencil down. Whatever I'm doing, I have to step back. So like if I'm doing comedy, I have to step back. But you, like your girl can have a baby, you still go to work every day, you can still

do the thing you can do. You understand my girl, you're gonna stand this though. At some point, I don't have the option. I never had the option of meeting a hot chick with money. Do you understand? You think you have that option. That's not true. That's not Bobby.

Bobby, it's pretty good. No, don't have a Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. You Bobby, Bobby. Who are you talking about for scutters? You don't have a Bobby, Bobby. Bobby, why dude? You're on stage and there's something about that There I've dated some fucking hot chicks. We've had some money all three of us. You mean take or dating we above our

worst I'm not Girl the stage gets me Don't hurt with your fucking sperm. I know Who fuckin', no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, two levels. I bring the average number one Beatrice is a number one a massacast number two with Saint and she you know forget me dude forget me I'm talking I know a lot of guys very I'll I'll literally shake it by to you I don't remember you until I fucking see a stupid name come up on my phone and then I go huh oh yeah yeah the Puerto Rico oh that's right I need help moving some boxes

You could have made 50 bucks. I told them that story. I'll kill me inside So you know what's funny. I want to thought the same thing. Oh, fucking Bobby's Bobby's call me He has to do you busy Sunday you want to make some money? I'm like, yes. Yes, I do. Oh my god Do I look at some boxes to move Oh fuck you Bob fuck you I'm gonna pay him Should I have not gone there to move the boxes? You move the boxes now she didn't know you guys let me bomb I did that man. We let you know

Let me bomb and we like don't catch you don't play months. Yeah, play much for you. Don't you give up on your dream, Kelly, okay? I'm keeping it going. I'm going to talk to you. You keep it going. You keep it going. I'm going to talk to you. You keep it going. I'm going to talk to you.

I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you.

I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to you. I'm going to talk to worry. I'll talk to but when you're on stage You can pull a fucking hot chick. Fuck you. There's plenty of girls that are Listen, there are plenty of girls that are hot that have good jobs that are that have low self-esteem Lewis Lewis Lewis Lewis Lewis Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob what I'm saying to you is this okay?

It's easier for her. It's way easier. Yeah, it's not Yes, it is. I'm not you're out it is. Oh, you're out of your mind. I mean more hot chicks out there And then there is a hot guy with a good job with general just I mean, there's way how to there's more hot chicks out there You and I agree, but just we're using you as an example guys You're talking about that are available who said that you're gonna hot guy. You don't have to settle Kelly You know the good job. What guy do you know that has a good job besides Bobby like you know one has a good job in this room Victor's I've got a great job right now right now miserable, but I'm working my way out of that part and Lulus has a great job too other than comedy makes 80 something thousand a year. Yeah, it's not bad and yeah

I'll look at you. He eyes lit up, you little slutty Australian. Not any of business, he's already taking your homework. Yeah, her pumpkin lips got rock hard. Yeah, and this guy wrote what you fucked fish face anyway to people. Oh, only Perez. Oh, only Perez. He's fucking even seagulls us. Understudy.

What do you do? Stand up. Stand up. Besides stand up. Move furniture, not even joking. Really? So, he's saying $50. How many move boxes is done anytime

I need a mover for real okay, great. We get me. We get these number. I don't deal directly with him What do you do Tinkle I do social media stuff freelance and I do comedy social media stuff freelance There you go, Okay, you can this. There's a ton of guys out there. No, none of us would fuck you. By the way, I'm sure I would only just threw it in there. It'd be like fucking myself. A fatter version of yourself. Sound here. By the way, after you went around the round table there, I felt really good about myself. I'm not gonna lie to you. Yeah. Yeah. You should feel me and you should feel awesome.

That's right. Yeah, we get. But you don't. feel like this. Yeah, you should feel me and you should feel awesome. That's right. Yeah, we get it. But you don't because you're both over. We got a Facebooker, we got a fucking stupid Jim Giver, and then we have a fucking steak taker aware. Listen. Life's pretty good right now. I think it's way easier for a girl to say, fuck it,

and go find a guy and just be a stay at home or get a whatever job and And you can get a you know, there's guys out there that it's our job to fucking make a living right plus they're not judged As a fucking no, yeah, you're not judge if you say if you go meet a guy Kelly You're a pretty girl right? You can be prettier when you want to right no seriously because you're you have that comic Gene in you we just show up you don't want to look too pretty, seriously, because you have that comic gene in you. You don't want to look too pretty, because you don't want people to think that you're a hot chick on stage. You want people to laugh at you jokes.

She's really trying her hardest right now. I told her to stop dressing up. I told you that before. And she started showing up and looking amazing. And it makes people go fuck. Wow, it actually makes people feel better. You know what I mean? When you show up. When you show up, you're up with your rounded fucking shitty posture

Yeah, you stupid peach you dumb peach sweater All right, I know your card. I really just make every joke that we play Like a smaller Melissa McCarthy wait me happen. Yeah, like a smaller Melissa McCarthy waiting to happen like a smaller Melissa McCarthy waiting to happen I know that guy this pit guys a piece of shit though a lot of guys good jobs. They fucking boring his bad shit I can you try to blow open micers you you blow in fucking middleers Why don't you start sucking some headliner cock and then you seriously you start Here's a deal you suck a headliner's cock instead of some fucking some fucking guy that you hang out with, right?

Blow a fucking Louis CK. We'll see where you're at. I would. Huh? And by the way, that's other than with Kelly. She likes ugly men. Every time she tells me there's a dude that she likes, he's disgusting, like mooch from fucking, uh.

Hey, that's a friend of mine, dude. He's a good looking guy he's not a good looking guy could be no you know the same with a certain circle a certain circle tell he was in the mooch what are you doing what are you doing let's keep asking to get fierce all right I'm making sure you're not get you I thought you gave up on the podcast you trashed your life in your career and you're never gonna find anybody in your career stinks. I'm just cracked up with a beat. No, no, no, no, do this is working on a six back. I think that's number six. One beer would be

no, we know we're talking about a stomach six back. I'm losing weight, Lewis. You're like working out and stuff. Give me the wheat pizza so I can drink while bunch of beer tonight. That's the fucking bullshit right there. Thank you. You made us all eat wheat peeps in down fucking three or four butterflies. I fucking hate you. Not even butt lights. I really fucking hate you know,

butt light isn't actually what I just can. I want to take a vote. Who? I hate him. Who is hated? I mean literally just fucking looked at his face and just hated it. Why do you think I'm lying?

Why do you think I left hammer fisting, man? That's the only do it to play K, but you know only you don't fucking hit me You'll be off hammer fishing like you're right. I just got to be on this show like that. I fucking you I'd stab you right now. I'm kidding. I'm kidding don't Next week is gonna be on the Bailey Jake I wish I was on that show god damn it man really fucking piss me off Lewis sorry buddy I thought it was gonna be good pizza I don't really

wasn't good and you fucking drinking 90 beers you have 90 you have a six pack Bob there's more calories in that than pizza that's not true absolutely true let's not tell you do the math Get back to what you call everything math Well do the history what's downward that was bad. Yeah, what are you gonna do? I shouldn't let me hang out there. I'm still trying to do the math undo the math Well, all right, you know what did what have learned? We learned that if Lewis had two responsible parents, he'd be a different person today. Yeah. I have to be alive, he'd be even better.

We'd have had a great pizza. And if he had a better father, he'd have better hair line. He'd look like a fucking geometry teacher at MIT. Shit hair. I fucking hate your hair. I really do. Every aspect of it. You dumb eyebrow that's dying You stupid up a lip shit hair. You dumb chin hair that doesn't connect. I hate you fucking lovely eyes

Beautiful mouth God damn it. I mean Well, there you go. We're gonna have at least some of us in this room are gonna be taken care of later in life. We're gonna be good. We have a shot at somebody giving us our meds and showing up at the home and wiping our butt

if we need it and some of us are gonna be alone. You're not gonna look right at me. You know what I mean with like, I'm looking at everybody. I'm gonna write that's end of the table. I'm gonna jump off a cliff. Well, there's gonna be some point, I mean, seriously, at the end of your life,

if you don't have anybody, it's 60, 65. Say you don't have anybody. Your family, that's a sad part about it. Your family goes because they're old and then you. They're gonna be dead. And there's people that are alone. I feel bad for those people. I alone i feel bad for those people really do feel bad for those people and then you're alone what do you do do you jump off a cliff do you take a one in the

head do you just sit in the room with a rocking chair and watch fucking prices right you start latching on on these kids and hope that that one day they'll develop a bond with you and they love me man. Yes, they do I think they's trying to fuck your kids. I Think we want to make love to his kids. I actually want to I want to make that chick drop the bitch and switch Yeah, but dude he's a comic. He's got good job. He's done all right. Oh, let's not get carried away I'm a fucking stoic Billy. I'm a bill you so I'm gonna get to the world turn

If you mother fuckers in Boston, I really I don't get it the thousands of people that listen to this and and I You're the prodicle son of Boston. I think I think I think I do better in Jersey and I, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and You're gonna show on stage with a boss in Celtic jersey. I fucking hate this place. I really, it's just, it's disheartening. I mean, we're all at that, you know, we're all at that fucking point at some point, or you're just like, what the fuck do I gotta do? I mean, I'm funny, but am I? Maybe, maybe, here's a deal.

Here's the deal. I mean, only have 100,000 followers on Twitter asking him to maybe use that tweet. You can help you out. Maybe, I have 56,000 people on Twitter. And I'm looking to in my hometown, I need a thousand of those people. That's it. The other 55,000, I okay, a thousand of those people to actually buy tickets. And I don't, I don't, maybe I'm not, there, it comes a point in your career, where maybe you're not as good as you think you are. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe it's something that happens inside of the business internally, where you get on a show or you're exposed or something

happens. And then people just stick to you, right? But maybe, or maybe there's, I have to work harder, maybe you have to work harder and really, really push yourself. Maybe, maybe there's more work to be done. I don't know. Maybe I need to just get on a TV show.

Maybe this travel channel thing or another show. Maybe, maybe that's it. I don't know. Maybe it's a team of people working out a process to step by step to get me to where I need to be, where I'm selling those tickets out. Or maybe it will never happen. Maybe I'm not as good as I think I am. And the people that say I'm great, the people that say I'm hilarious, the people that say I've never laughed that hard. I'm trying to get on your podcast.

Maybe there maybe that's just their opinion. Maybe they're you know, maybe you know what I'm saying? Have you ever thought about that in your life that maybe you're not gonna make it? This is why you have a $4 million buyout mark, bro. Look dude, I'll stay on the side of the Wilbur and Bark for you. Not a problem. Here's my actually bark like Rubin. I'm asking that question. Here's the like running. I'm asking that question.

Here's the free time. I'm asking that question. Do you still believe the hype? Do you still believe that you're as good and you're going to be as big as you think you are, Tinkle? Um, when I do you believe it? Yes. Because like you're going to be as big as you in your brain,

you think you are. You think you're actually... I work a lot harder. You think someday you're going to be on Mark Marins podcast. That's the same. What? That's how big you think you're gonna be. No, no, no, no.

He's gonna be on my podcast. Hammer fisting, what's up? I'm W. I'm kidding. Those things that we're sick of have a podcast once I make it. This fucking guy. Let me tell you, any of us make it Lewis. I'm dumping all you people you're gone. It's gonna be your prosperous Do you really Lewis? Have you ever I mean honestly?

Have you ever honestly said it in your head that I might not be yes? I might not do it. I literally depending on how the week goes in comedy How many spots I got that week? How many fucking emails people got back to me me on I'll either want to keep on moving forward this thing or I want to quit But it's not about money. It's not if somebody gave me a million. I quit. I'm not gonna quit for that I'm gonna quit because I fucking say you know what I can do something better with myself But okay, but in your head have you ever said I'm I'm Because you know you get the accolade you know you get the Twitter fans. You know you get these people That tell you that you're great and that they love you. I mean, but how do you get these people but but

I mean you're not gonna get them but here's a deal you're gonna have is there a point where You say holy shit. I'm never gonna be that. I'm never gonna be sell six shows in my hometown. I think once you think that, it's overdid. No, I don't know, I don't know, I don't necessarily agree with that. You have to, look, I think that fear of failure. You can't think that way.

That fear of failure. Cause you're opening for Dan Sodor on Wednesday. You're out. Oh yeah, you're open for soda. You have to. That fear of failure is your opening for Dan Sodor on Wednesday Oh, yeah, you're open for soda. You have to shoot yourself be a man Tangerine No, be swallow some glass. Get stabbed like you're dead It's really that happened But no, I think that I look, it used to be that.

Why I used to be this fucking dude who believed in the secret and you kind of envision your goal and there's a path to your success and that fear of failure and that realization that like fuck dude, I'm like, there's people that are passing by me in this industry that in my head, I'm better than. Drows. Drows.

Drows. Drows. There is nobody. Literally, yeah droves, droves. Yeah. Droves, there's no better than, yeah. It's not industry. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it'll bust, driving past you. Yeah. You get, you get, you get to that point

though where you're like, you know, you doubt it. I mean, I'll tell you this, the only reason I'm here is mainly to piss people off. That's the only reason that got me out to this city. I'm telling you that, I just wanted to piss people off. Right. That said that said you couldn't do it right, but every once in a while, you know, you get all sad you turn to Lewis and Those people were right But you know saying though like that that fear I think almost like drives you because at the very least I know I know that I'm smart enough and then I'm good enough at other shit that if I ever had to give up comedy

It's not like I'm fucking tinco where that's all I got is my fucking 45 minute act I have other shit 45 minutes. I'll you a headliner in the 80s Can't work up the extra 15 minutes It rolls up in blazer's love, you know It's a cool crowd I got an hour and a It sucks blowing up a giant a giant glove with just his nose in it. You guys hear about Bernie gets. Who wants to hear some gizmo impressions?

So, but you know what I'm saying? Like, I know that like I could do that stuff, but the fear of just tapping out and saying, you know what dude, I'm not good enough. That's kind of what's keeping me going right now. Yeah, well, but also you have the flip side of it where he thinks he's bigger than he is right now. No, he don't.

I don't think I'm bigger than I am at all. I think you do. I said he's a backer humble. Yeah, I said in the back of fucking comedy clubs, furious that I don't fucking get anything. So though, I don't believe I'm bigger than I'm anything. I think I have an exact idea as to where I'm at. Kelly, can you use?

And we have Twitter followers now to, so you can gauge that. You know where you're at by the amount of fucking Twitter followers you have. I don't think that's true though. Can we really don't? Say that in front of One. The other day is totally hurt his face.

I seriously, I don't think that's true. I don't, I don't know. I don't know what it is that happens. And then all of a sudden, people just know you and like you. And then the work fall, I don't know what that is. I really don't. A combination of a lot of different things.

I don't know. I don't I know people where it's not a combination. It's one thing. One thing and it happened. Well, don't you think you're boys with Dana, right? He's like your best friends. I mean, I mean, that dude, he just hit to another level. I mean, did that like bother you when that first happened?

Or is that like doesn't bother me when people look at I don't I don't get bothered with people's success. I never I actually they told me he hates you, but anyway good. I um, Dane did not talk to you, Lewis. Go ahead. I was talking to Dane the other day. Tell me, no, I, um, I'm waiting for you, fucking girls to be done for chatting each other. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey have to keep pushing yourself, even me. I can go and kill. I have to become a better comic, and I'm trying to do that. A better actor. I believe that.

I have to work on my acting. I don't think that I just go up and audition and book a part. There's a lot more to it. I have an acting t-shirt that I work with. You know, when I get auditions or parts that I really step into the box with him and work on my shit.

Even this podcast, I work on this every time I do a show to make it better, more interesting, and more fluid, and more organic to become better. You know what I mean? The studio, everything about it, the people I have on. You know, so. You're not just settling with a tape recorder in an apartment building with a dog

that hums a mat. Right. I would never do that. You know what I mean? Why is it going? Well, you know, look, I joined this network. Now I'm half owner of it. You know what I mean? I mean, that's my M.O. is like, let's, let's go. Let's make things better. And then I bring guys on like, like you guys, Let's make things better and then I bring guys on like like you guys honestly go like hammer fisting and in the Bailey J show and Davie and then weird medicine those are shows that are like you know in boss It's like these are shows that I'd want to hear that I like to hear that make me laugh and let's give you guys an Opportunity I love I love people nothing would make me

Fucking happier than to see people get success. I love it But I'm just wondering that, I don't wanna be that guy looking at success. I wanna get it too. You know, and I know the people going, there's people like you guys, dude, I'd love to have what you have. I get it, I get that.

And I get that that's what I'm doing. Diabetes? Don't wish that on me, dude. Seriously, take that back. I didn't wish it on you. I said you have it. Oh, okay. But don't you think five years before

Louis Vuitton ever talk on this show again? I honestly don't. Why is my mic on? No, go ahead. He's sharing my fucking mind. Wait, I'm kidding. No, go ahead, I'll listen. Seriously, shut the fuck up.

I was gonna run. I was gonna run. I was gonna tear this shut up. Go ahead, I'm kidding, go ahead. Don't you think Louis? Oh. Who the fuck is asking you to fucking ask him out? That was the top end. Come on, go ahead. Don't you think Louie? Oh, he's a fucking, you're a fucking on Eskimo. Stop it.

Come on, go ahead. So don't you think five years before Louie broke, he would have had that same kind of mental. No, Louie is, he had this way I love Louie. Those are black people fighting outside. Artifuqua hosting. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He said it to me when you're not in competition with anybody, it's your own work. You just work hard. And that's it. And you fail. And then seriously, just work hard and fail. What did you take it? And you make it took them a long time. And you make you just keep working. And then you make connections and you work hard. So I get it. I understand it. It's the work you put in. And, you know, I have, you know, I'm starting to do that type of work. The team I have, my management is, you know, it's the first time in my career I've had anybody that's worth

fucking anything behind me. These guys are, they get because they're creative. They're not just fucking assholes. They have like my creative people. Like my manager, I'm at the fucking floor, the Fort Lauderdale improv. I'm coming down. Why? Let's just film something, make a show. Okay, we just came up with a show.

And we did a show and we filmed it, we edited it, then we shot some other stuff. And yeah, we never got anything, you never got salt, we went and pitched it. But it's like, oh, that's who you want. That's what you want. That's like you made something from nothing and then you went to sell it.

Nobody bought it. What if they did. Right. What if they did what if that was what someone invested. Someone invested. I was gonna. I know what you're back to. I don't know.

It just gets, it gets, you know, like, you know, I gotta go to Philly this week too, you know, it will be passed now, but, you know, I haven't been there in a while. You know, I like the club. I love going to Philly. I love the fans, but you know I got to go to Philly this week too, you know it will be passed now But you know I haven't been there in a while. You know I like the club. I love going to Philly I love the fans But you don't sell tickets then they don't want you back and then it's like fuck me But if you don't go back you don't build up a fan base if you don't build up a fan base that people want you I mean it's it's all this fucking catch 22 horse shit that you know it's weird

It's just a weird thing to figure out. And as time flies, the fuck by, I've talked to two hundred-year-old men in my life. My grandfather was almost 101. Chris Tinkle. And Chris Tinkle's that was. That was pretty good, Tinkle. That was pretty good. You do have.

You do have to. Tinkle's barely a white one. He's not 100. He's two thousand. Yeah. Dude, 100,000. Get it right. You know know my ten o'clock at night how much those eyebrows weigh Hey, well, this all is my head gonna be in a museum and you don't fuck off You're all gonna be dead on the ground. I'm gonna be

His fucking brow is going down The reticles I'm away from him But you live on forever guys The baby giggles on I'm just thinking of him inside the natural history museum Coming out of a fake little pond with like a fucking saber to the about the fight is for him with a club And with about the fighters for him with a club. Oh, sure. And when he's lesbian daughter and her wife are gonna come with a case. Why am I daughter?

Why am I daughter? Well, you're talking about a little while. He's back when they cross from Russia. He's okay with his daughter's lesbianism. Absolutely. Supported by women. He would have been, he would have crossed over from Russia into Alaska.

Vic would have been a king in Central America. Like the top, he would have been at king in Central America. At the top he would have been at the top of the fucking pyramid, lopping Vic in dude's heads off. That went down a hitster for killing the most people under his rain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Louis would have been the guy fucking taking over the villages for Vic and bringing people back the gobbels to pick that will the day we got it you work for me so it sucks to know that it's consistently an inner struggle

as a kind of existence that i don't and i think even the people at that stage are like okay now making money i have all the shit now what i want to do this how the fuck do i get over there how do I go and do a movie with fucking this guy? I can't. Well, I don't know. I think it is a constant struggle. I think it is, but it should be, though. It should be, and I get it, and it's just, fuck man, you know, I would love to have success. If I had success, I'd fucking help, you know. Wait, so you don't want to? Call you out.

Wait, you're... What? I'm so, you don't think this is a success right now? No, I think you have. Like, what you have? Well, you have, like, like, you know. Don't threaten me with your tone. It's a little finger pointing too.

I don't know if you notice that. I'm not even kidding. I think I'm sick from that pizza. I think I have a headache in one eye. Well, you're the little guy. I said, you just ate a one eye. I said use in a whole tree. There's a lot of good ones. Wait, wait, I want to say. I want to say. Can you give him that? Give him a bow. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You bomb. That's what happens when you wake up. You

fucking bomb. You told me I ate a tree. I don't even know where that makes sense. Hey, Bobby, did you eat a plant? Oh! It's on fire! It's on fire! It's on fire! I think... Oh, man, you know how long I've been wanting to say that? Somebody's on fire.

That's your bug. I wish Louis was actually on fire. Vick was a spark and you guys called it on fire. That was the joke. We were kidding. It was the irony. You know what? Now you get to keep that.

That's a double one because you didn't get the joke. All right, I'll wrap it around. Fuck you, Kelly. It's a good pizza. I won't let you dot pile on me. Anyone else can. Three comedy wins. By the way, fucking Tinkle fucking force himself on the riot. I show it was pretty awesome. Pizza I won't let you dot pile on me. Anyone else can drink how many wins? By the way fucking Tinkle fucking force himself on of the riot show. It was pretty awesome. I did not force it

Absolutely, you did shit bite by saying that you know what you're giving him too much credit I forced him on the right No, he said that Kelly can follow him so he should be on the show. I absolutely did not say anything like that Well, he mum I asked to be on the show I thought was out town actually and you guys made a big deal about it. And I was like, do you think you could follow Chris Stinkle and I laughed when yeah. Yeah. So then you're gonna follow me next Tuesday. I won't see. And then he also. Oh, that's my favorite letter of the alphabet. Oh, I love that letter. Oh, why?

Jay. Why aren't you guys working as a team? Yeah, that letter. J. Why aren't you guys working as a team? Yeah. But on a great show. Why? I don't work well with Australian girls. I want to try before it doesn't. How do you get your hair so soapy?

Do you use chopsticks to keep it up? Only could be any of these. He really does. He has the original face. If a casting director is listening, I can play a any of these. He really does. He has the original face. That's true. If a casting director is listening, I can play a lot of things. It's like a time magazine thing where they mixed all the races together.

Only. Yeah. You look like the first Hawaiian that got fucked by a white person. And then they had you the nice you have like regular people You have a regular guy you have a white person's forehead and that's it You vany cocksucker All right, so listen Kelly. What are you doing?

With your fucking half a megapixel phone? You all set the pin on it when it goes to sleep. It's what? It's a pin on it when it goes to sleep. Yeah, 1, 2, 1, 2, I don't give a fuck. Ask for it. You really are. You were listening to a rap song in the 80s when you thought of your code. That's not my real code. Yeah, she just did it. Before you change it, see your don't you go through your phone?

No, she can go through my phone. That's a great stage of life right now. No, I'm going through your phone. When you wife can take your phone and go through it, and she doesn't know that there's an app called Hidden Folder. She can't get into it. That's a great stage of life. That's an allergy.

That's your super bad thing,. That's a good idea. That's your super bad thing, dude. Like, I remember my ex-girlfriend, dude. I couldn't leave my Facebook all because those are pizza shit. So it's so comforting to just be able to go out and not have to run home. The fuck, make sure your Facebook wasn't left open

or you're not. You're fucking underwear doesn't have come. Just chunks of coming in. No, it's not that. It's not a joke. That was in a bomb, though. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. To the bomb, bandana. What the fuck? Just chunks of coming it no That was a bomb the bomb and then I'll take it I'll take you want to go photo of that Kelly Are you doing video a photo? Yeah, you're gonna do sideways you fucking dumb

Australian without technology Who you know what Kelly that cute shit I could have worked with me tonight. You got him still mad at you about your wee pizza. And stop with your little fat little fucking fingers. You have to forgive her. She's a descendant from criminals and thieves. She's not even. She's a descendant from Sicily

that went to a shittier country. Why'd you leave Sicily? Well, they, she didn't. After we went to the... Are you taking video? Yeah. Just on randomly on my face. Kelly, I realize from this angle, you don't have a,

but you still kind of have a double chin. I don't really understand. This is not a conversation. Oh, sorry. Why, you, my chin. She has no chin like from one angle and then a double chin from the other. Kelly, I'm nervous about you.

What? I don't want you to get fat again. Yeah, I don't want to get fat again. What, what's happening? I don't know. Are you gonna be all right? Yeah. I'm gonna start working out again. I'm gonna work down a while. I again. What's happening? I don't know. Are you going to be all right? Yeah.

I'm going to start working out again. I'm going to work out in a while. Do I look like I put on heaps of weight? Well, your jeans don't look like your jeans. Yeah. They look like his jeans. I'm not selling, am I turning into Lewis? No.

You're jeans. Let me see. Is your ass crack hanging out? It's a little bit. It is, right? This is worrying, right? That's not good, you know. You know your ass hole. I'm not ass crack hanging out. It is right. This is weird. That's not good You know your asshole not supposed to hang out My asshole is always hanging out in my jeans because I have a high bum crack

I can't wait jee strings. I got a high bum crack. Why do you want jee string that they give me constant wedgies? Oh Thongs Can we thongs? It's up posing for pictures. All right. Well guys. I really I'm glad you guys stuck around We did your show tonight my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just gonna get my- I'm just We need professional wrestling bag guys. It's the worst the fact that you're talking about yourself He's talking about Chale's talk about Chale's song. Yeah, we know you find a loophole Lewis. We know, but it's still it's still a loophole I hate you I'm working I know you to listen to how much I hate you in my voice. I'm working on a better one I hope you get it. Yeah, I really do say this.

I love your show. I listen to it. I'm a fan of it. Thanks. That's why I wanted you guys on the network. I'm glad you're back, Vic. Thank you. Thank you for having me back.

I love when you added Tinkle. And I'm glad you're back. And you, yeah, you've been good. You get it. It's hard. Here's a deal. You get a really good formula going right now. Yeah, you've been good. You got to try it hard. Here's a deal. You got a really good formula going right now.

And I really, I love, you know, it's informative. You guys talk about stuff. You joke around. It's very funny. If you guys like MMA podcasts, go to ridecast.com. Not just, but it's not just MMA fans. If you just, we just talk shit. We spend half the time.

I am plugged with show. Literally the dumbest human being I know. Honestly, God, I hope you get off your show. I hope you just come in and produce it. But if not just, I understand that. Let me finish the amazing wow that was fucking that I was just laying down to my fans. He was about your fucking dumb show. But let me explain what happened to the bar. Because you're such a fucking dummy

and you're such a controlled fuck. He pushed the microwave. Ha ha ha. Hey, he, Lewis J. Gomez, everybody. He, he, it is a really great show. It's one, it's not just the fucking, it's got to understand. No, it's not just. It's not just the fucking... It's got a hundred cents. It's not just...

It's not just an MMA podcast. It's a life podcast. It's a bunch of guys having fun busting balls and talking to them and everything. So I really, I'm a fan of it. Good job, guys. Really. Good job. You're doing great. Thanks for owning Rob Sprance. We'll really appreciate that well without him we wouldn't have shit to be honest with you that guy I have ideas and he actually makes it happen so unbelievable we love you booker man so here's the deal thanks coming on I'm glad I I wasn't gonna do a show this

week I had this other show that I did but I think I'm gonna push that to a Thursday show and make this the main show next Monday. Boom. Got promoted, Ernie. Man, this is Dream on the Cut. You have stuff out, a little bit, most of it. Some of the stuff, all the stuff when I'm in a funny face is gonna stay. And then your voice and any reaction will be squashed out with this out. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee at only Perez on Twitter and us only Perez on Facebook my website is that's enough. What is it? I don't know what the fuck.

Unintruction duck camp. No, no, no. I had one. It was no reason. Let's go. I gotta go home to my wife, shut your face. What do you got? At Chris Tingle.

And your show. The show, dude. The show. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's Saturday, February 28th. On Tuesday. At the improv. I'll be relying and there'll be a special Hammer Fisting podcast at the end of it.

Live. Live. Yeah, like a 30 minute interview with Josh Thompson and most likely Gilbert. Well, it does. Yeah. Wow, big. Love it, dude.

Love it. Good for you, bro. Check that out. You guys are in the San Jose area. If you don't get mugged, rob, deraived, make it down to the show. Oh, it's actually in a horrible part of town. So there are like fights right? It's called San Jose. Take a nice I want to plug my soundcloud.com

She's slash Vic Mysterio At Mysterio Vic and you know just for all the for your inside knowledge you're behind the scene stuff Go to my soundcloud account. What do you what do you have on it?'s really funny. I have I have a lot of I have a lot of stuff that Lewis doesn't know what I'm recording so a lot of good freakouts and and just good commentary when we're having issues And what else do you have don't you talk about wrestling on something? No, no, that's it just that's it. I go check that out. Make sure you I'm gonna check it out Kelly yeah, mate. I got I got the ride cash show on Tuesday 26th at their stand in New York You got bump from that. I don't want to bring it up on no, I'm totally still in it. So tomorrow night

I forgot tomorrow night 26 so I don't know that if they still to get you want to take a yeah, come on So you did we as we wait then how did you get on it? Because Rob is brand's feel bad. That wasn't on it. And then he called up Patrick and I pushed the booker man. Kelly said get him on. All right cool. Call Rob. Yeah. Let me get off.

I'm telling my one and a half to show. Tell him. That's your soldier. That's your loyal soldier. All you do. YouTube name watch off. Um, he needs a bouquet made of fruit in his dressing room. Really? A bouquet made of fucking Louis's kids?

Hey, are you on the phone? You fucking cocks on them? I fucking break you up. I was writing every bite. I'll break your first generation iPhone right over your fucking Eskimo in head. How's that sound? I was writing everybody's dates down just make sure I get out to the show. So go right to the stand on Tuesday 26th go to the stand New York City for tickets I'm gonna follow me on Twitter KELY FST. It's tired huh sweetie? And you still mad at me? You mad at me? I'm not mad at you I'm furious. I'm not and don't forget to follow the Twitter handles for the podcast, YKWD podcast.

And so Facebook full all the pictures, updates with Barbie and the boys if they ever do anything because I think Lewis. Lewis, Jay Gomez. What do you have besides herpes and Hepsi? You follow me on Twitter at gay baby. Gay baby. Hey dad, it's Friday. You can follow me on Twitter at gay baby. Gay baby. Is that gay yet? Hey dad, it's Friday.

You want to watch the voice? I recall to that. I'm a... I'm having a granddad. Dad, I want to make fried cheese again. Do you want it funny? It's we actually stopped the whole episode because of this. Because me and Julian were fucking with him so bad we stopped the entire episode.

I never aired because we're gonna have to get it. No, we got to a full-fledged fight. Alright, go ahead. It was because of that. I love you, kids. That was a lot of it though. Listen, I love you, kid. And I hope he is gay.

But you'll love him anyway. But you'll love him anyway. I would love him anyways and I will love him even more of his gay. And I hope he is because you need to learn to settle down. You need to learn to fucking chase a butterfly once in a while. Stop being so aggressive Maybe you got to choose between that comedy short going to see him in his choir show. Yeah Quay always choose comedy

Damn it. I almost made it Deliver it with any hot. That's why I don't think that I don't know. That was a bomb and a flat tie Quayers not like a gating. Yeah, if you would say like that, I said, a choir isn't a gaiting. It's like a bunch of people. I was in choir, but I like the cock-sucking competition international championships. You guys can follow me at One Perez, because sweet. Come on. He needs a help. No, please include Lewis J Gomez, L-U-I-S-J. GoJ. Gomez. You guys go to my website realasdude.com and fuck off.

Oh, fuck off. Guys, check out a fuck you, Tinkle. I'm punching your fucking dumb caveman head. Realized dude. And nothing will happen. Look at this thick cranium. I'll break my head. You're really about breaking a hand and you get some fucking insurance, though.

And yeah, guys, make sure sure you got a, uh, you're better than that, Robert. I know I am, but you know what? Fuck you. I'm tired. You know what? We didn't around about Manor, though. That was pretty good. I got a thank you. Thank you.

I liked it. Guy, I'm in the city basically every night. We know because you're not ahead line. I don't have line up with Dan Soder two weeks ago at levity lives Check it out Robert Kelly here the Founder of this fucking podcast on my iPhone mind you by myself driving the gigs on my iPhone three

Still better than Kelly's current I feel better than Kelly's current eye at Robert Kelly on Facebook. Just go to my website. Fuck all this horse shit. Robert Kelly live.com, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, everything's on there. My tour dates are on there. If you want to know where I'm coming to you. Jesus, what the fuck just happened? I have glue, I'm glue-close and tolerant. You have your fit. I'm throwing up on my mouth from that fucking pizza, can't I?

You're the most closing up. You have a weed allergy. I think I do. I keep smelling fucking hot sauce. You have a vegetable allergy, obviously. Thanks, Vic. I was still laughing from him earlier. Nobody got you, Fad Joe. So go to my go to my website and get my app. If you have an iPhone, don't be a fucking pushwack, it's free. Stop being stupid. Get on it Boston. Yeah, just go and yeah, Monday, check it out.

I'm gonna be in Connecticut, I'm all over the fucking place in up a state in New York somewhere. But main one is Boston. I'm in Boston, the 15th, I got one show. Ooh, one show, one fucking show. On the 15th I got one show who one show one fucking show on the 15th Bobby can I move your furniture that day? I Don't know if I'm gonna have the money

So yeah spread the word I'm gonna be in Boston then and I'm having a kid and I'm trying to lose weight and Life is good. Bobby Kelly, yes. Lion to himself. You guys, thanks for listening. Make sure you spread the word go to ridecast.com slash robber Kelly live and use our Amazon button. If you buy anything off Amazon, any protein powder or anything like that, Make sure you go to our link. Whatever we talk about on the show, as far as tech talk or anything like that, make sure

you go to Amazon.com. Click on the link on our page and buy it from there. And we make money. Gamefly.com. Two-week-free. Trial. If you love video games, it's the Netflix of video games. Please go there.

Join up. you can cancel whatever you want but just try it you'll love it if you love video games it's the Netflix of video games you get to return it you know if the buy it if you want to keep it you can you can actually keep it so make sure you check that out and we have a donate button also want to thank Heather Graves you are unfuckin believable all the new stuff in the studio is due to Heather Graves and your donations you guys can donate too if you want to donate you can hit the donate button right fucking believable. All the new stuff in the studio is due to Heather Graves and her donations. You guys can donate too. If you want to donate, you can hit the donate button right to PayPal $5, $10, $3,000.

Probably wants to call the donut button, but... I don't know, not bad. Come on, bro. I was that bad. I gotta give them that. If you have any questions or constructive criticism or suggestions for the YKWD podcast, please send them to YKWD at riotcast.com. Those emails go directly to us. We look at them all. So if you have some titty picks, if you're a wife or girlfriend or a picture of your own vagina,

please send them to ykwd at riotcast.com. We look at them all, we take all your suggestions to heart and we try to implement them, not really, but we do like the emails. So any guest suggestions, anybody you wanna see on the show, all that shit, ykwd at riotcast.com. Make sure you support our sponsors, Amazon and Gamefly.

Amazon, go to riotcast.com, click on the know what dude. Podcast page, there's an Amazon link, click on it, buy what you're gonna buy, close, groceries, hovercraft, electronics, whatever the fuck you're gonna get. Get it through that link. You're getting us money, you're getting Amazon money the fuck you're gonna get, get it through that link. You're getting us money, you're getting Amazon money, and you're saving money and getting the shit you need. So make sure you use the Amazon link on the You Know What Dude podcast site on riotcast.com.

And if you're a video game guy, go to GameFly.com slash YKWD. Join through that link. You're gonna get two weeks free. It's saving a lot of money. And then you can fucking cancel if you want. Or you can stay on, which you should. And get games sent to your house. You don't have to go buy them and spend the $60. And find out the game stinks.

Get it through GameFly first. Check it out. And if you like it, you can buy it through Gamefly. It's an easy, really easy, great way to play video games and not spend a million dollars a month because new games come out every month. Before you know it, you spent, I can $300 on two of the games stink.

Well, you're already blew through them already. It's done. If you're a story mode asshole and you don't play multiplayer, so go to GameFly.com slash YKWD. Join up for a couple weeks, check it out. You're gonna love it, I guarantee it. GameFly.com slash YKWD.

If you're a fan of YKWD podcast, I want you to do me a favor. I want you to go right now and download if you have an iPhone or an iPad, the free Riot Cast app. And if you don't, just go to Riotcast.com, I'll go to Stitcher and check it out if you have an Android phone. And I want you to check out all the other shows. My wife hates me. Jim Florentine's Comedy Mental Midgets, Weird Medicine with Dr. Steve, the glory hole with Rob Sprance, Comedy Seller, live from the table, the Bayley J Show with Matt,

the Davey Max Sports Program, why you sucking bed, mad scientist party hour, the Jersey jerks, and the Hammer Fisting MMA podcast. It's free. It's hours and hours and hours of entertainment for nothing. That's what we give you at Riotcast. So go and support the other shows, tell your friends about it, spread the word. This is the fucking most amazing podcast network.

So if you love my show, go support the other shows. Go and check them out. Riotcast.com app for iPhone and iPad. Android is coming soon. Get Stitcher if you have an Android phone. Or just go to Riotcast.com. And go to iTunes. Subscribe to my show and the other shows. And leave a review.

You don't understand that this shit's free. And that helps a lot. You don't understand that this shit's free and that helps a lot. Okay, you keep us in the top 100, maybe get us to the top 20. I don't know, maybe the top 10 and that's when other people see that and they they check out the show and it feeds itself. That's how that works. So please review iTunes and make sure you subscribe, spread word you guys are fantastic. Thank you so much. You are so beautiful To me Stink, stick, stick You know what I need I'm stuck in the fog, I'm getting far You're gone, you know what I need I'm just stuck in the fog, I'm stuck in the fog

You know what I need Really dude, really, really Don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelas desde Madrid a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.