Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Basted on Lubers

Episode Date: June 3, 2013

Robert is joined by Ari Shaffir, Shuli Egar, Nick Turner, Luis J Gomez, Kelly Fastuca and Dan Soder.  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Mao, a Madrid. en todos tus dispositivos. ¡Plu-to-TV! ¡Ven a verlo sin pagar nunca! 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno,

Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar todo el 3 por uno en medianas a domicilio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por uno, 3 por uno, ah no, no, no, ¡Dominos! Pizza. Separate? Trish por uno, trish por uno. Ah, no, no, no. Dominos! Pizza! You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? On the Riotcast Network.

Riotcast.com. I want to get this out of the way real fast right at the beginning. Make sure you check out twiek.io.com. Use the code word, dude. Buy a few pairs of headphones for you and your friends and your family. 33% off. 33% off. Free shipping. Checked out our page on Amazon and Game Fly. Go to GameFly.com slash YKWD. Two free weeks. That's right. Two free weeks. Click the Netflix of gaming. And make sure you check out our friend, Daniel LeBel has a new CD. It's available on iTunes and Amazon.

It's called Daniel LeBel, some kind of comedian. Make sure you check it out. I like to help these guys out. Let people know about comedians that you wouldn't know about. Young guys that are coming up, been in the business for a while. I want to make sure that you guys know about good comics. And that way you can help them out promote them and you guys

It's a fucking truck going by while I'm doing this fuck God Anyways check it out Daniela Bell's new album on iTunes and Amazon some kind of comedian and make sure you follow all the people on these shows on The Twitter and on the Facebook and go to this shows live because that's what we do. We're comedians, we want you to show up and see what we really do with your stand-up comedy. I appreciate it again. Thanks. You know what?

You talk too much, dude. I know, I know. All right. Here's the intro to basted on lovers. We get Ari Schaffer, leaf from the Howard Stern Show. Lewis J. Gomez, Nick Turner, Kelly Tostucco myself, and Dan Soda comes in at the end, makes an special appearance and brings something,

actually cash from one of you guys, which is insane. First of all, that you guys are really getting behind the show financially. It's great. So here it is. Irish Affairs in New York now, which is awesome for us. Awesome for you guys to live in the area,

go to the local comedy clubs. I wish a fierce in New York now, which is awesome for us. Awesome for you guys who live in the area, go to the local comedy clubs. He's genuinely a creative, unique, original, funny guy. Lewis J. Gomez, who I love, you know. And Shuley, who's a fucking great guy, funny guy. And Nick Turner, who I did a show the week before, over in Brooklyn, was just a real phone, of course. Me and Kelly, you know, fucking, had a really good time.

Here comes a fucking train, so, anyhow. All right, it's the A-Trade. You know, we are going to do that. You go there. That's it. So enjoy the show. It's going to be awesome. Please continue to that. And, uh, go to iTunes and subscribe.

Review. And that's it. Enjoy the show. You know what, dude? Based it on lovers. I'm gonna subway right now. Wait for the e-train. To go to do a spot at the cellar. So fuck you.

Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Leary. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cooking, you are listening to Robert Kelly's. You know what, dude? You know what, dude? I know what, dude! This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cookin' you are listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude? You Know What Dude?

You Know What Dude! Ify bippy bbya ify bippy boo. Dippy dippy dhya yabba dhyba doo. Dude! This is Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude? You Know What Dude? I'm glad you're off. I'm glad I threw you off. Cause you know what?

Alright, you're my fucking, yo, you're my team cocksucker and you know walking That's why I don't have more than one new guy on the show and I fucked up I got three new guys and that's why because fucking dick shits like you try to connect Your friendships through them by fucking with me. That's how it works all the time Are you recording? through them by fucking with me. That's how it works all the time. Are we ever going, you think I'm stupid? So what are we expecting? Remember when he wasn't yelling at you? What are we, this isn't for the show at all.

I'm going to tell you, I'm going to explain to you as well as the people what happened. You're a dickhead, you're a fucking insecure shit. You felt weird around the two new guys. I know Nick very well. I don't want to talk to you. First of all first of all Nick you know Nick Nick doesn't know you I Said Lewis he went Lewis. I went Lewis Jay Gomez. He went Lucy. Oh Is that the guy from L.A.? I go no it's from your going L.A. Go on L.A.

What I go the big fat guy would hips And he still didn't know I still don't know now Here's what you did and this is why I only have one new guy on the show at a time and I knew I fucked up is because you Rookie fucking human beings not even fucking comedians rookie human beings is that when other people around You're gonna bond this is what everybody does though. Family, friends, anytime you bring somebody, I bring you to my house, my five uncles are there. They're gonna fuck with me, with you, trash me,

so that you can bond through my trashing. And they build themselves up while bringing you down. Yeah, they fuck, so he fucks with me, you to bond with you. I gotta jump in. But you guys, you guys guys are first of all you're on my side. Yeah, cuz you really don't like Lewis It's your show first of all. Yeah, this is a good no-one gosh me. I'm not even my show It's that you really don't like Lewis The fans the people I'm talking about fans of your show my family my son

Your son likes you my mom your son loves me He's got tits You do too I know but everybody in this room does That's it for telling insult of a man trying to take loose down just like blah blah blah blah Also your son loves me. Oh you dropped the bike There's nothing left. There's nothing meaner. You could say So we got Shuley in the house. Thank you for having me. There's nothing left. There's nothing meaner you could say. So we got Shule in the house.

Thank you for having me. We got Nick Turner. Hi. Who I'm, I mean, both you guys I met, I've met you before, but I really met you last week. Right. Outside of, the longest conversation ever last week.

Right, so you're on the comedy, Sella Live podcast from the table, which is one of my favorite podcasts on the network, who actually tonight is going live for the first time with video They have live video right which we're getting up here in the studio So not only you're gonna be able to fucking listen to us live You'll be able to watch us and see that Lewis is getting fatter by the day and see that Lewis is getting fatter by the day. That's it, it's welcome to the club by the day. Oh my God.

And then we got Nick Turner who I knew, we met one time in South West for like a second. Yeah. You got, yeah, that bike got it. You got that bike on, that bike on, that bike on. Yeah, what can I do? Let's first of all, I'll tell you guys, loud as shit. Yeah.

I mean, there was an off stage at their festivals that comics go to Lewis You have to kind of get accepted into it you audition then they leave but once you got this you kind of just go back I've been to South by South twice Montreal, I don't even know I'm going back to Whatever see up there did see them J music festival Cm J the North by Northeast festival. Oh God first of all the New York Underground comedy festival That's the next that's how held it's eight parks unique. That's where it is on a map God Oh God, it's a coordinates. But I love it when you tell people your credits, you're like,

oh, what's that? That's the comedian. We have, we have, Aries Shaffir coming on to, but anyways, we're real quick, we're getting live video up here. So from now on, you'll be able to watch the show in your little cubicle or your fucking truck going eastbound and down,

trying to pick up that core's light. And we're gonna archive it. It's gonna be all kinds of new shit. We get a lot of new shit coming at right, I guess. A lot of new shit, which I'm not telling you. And you said a couple of the old things are getting thrown out, right? You guys are dumb and you're just-

No, we're not dumbin' in those ones. I was just sayin' that to fuck with you. We're not dumbin' you, we're not dumb in the host house. I was just saying that to fuck her, you. We're not dumb in you. We're not dumb in anybody. We need everybody. You told me a long time ago, nobody can get fired from right guess. You can if you fucking, there he is.

So, I met Nick last week. You were, I mean, at South by Southwest to be honest, we at this stage, first of all, the year we did, it was fucking ridiculous. They had Irish affairs here. Your headphones are right there. I went back this year, and it was different. Still not the best, but it was a little better.

It was a little better. I was always the go. Do you have time to see the bands? Oh, well, this year, the comedy was during interactive, and there were no bands. Well then what? Yeah and here's the thing too, this year was better but it was a little, I mean last year was a four hour show and literally I had to go up at the end of a four hour show. I looked out there was a 12 year old sleeping on his father's lap.

I'm like you gotta be shitting me. This year they had just a regular, it was an hour and a half show, they had two of them. But it was still weird because it's a music tech fest, movie fest, and it was a nasty show and people was still a little, they got, I wanted a nasty show, I got Big J, who's fucking great. Yeah, he's proper for that.

They got Aisha Tyler. No one's complaining. Well, well, she's not, I love, I- Bobby's about to complain. She's about to, no one was saying something, I was like, she's, she's, well, she's not I love I love he's about to complain about it No, the same time was like she's Well, here's the thing is I'm nasty. I really love I she was the sweetest person ever and she's really funny sexy sexy, but she's just she's very nice She walked in and she was a sweetheart

But she had to follow big J who is nasty and hilarious not sexy and not sexy She looks like that much sexier by comparison. Well, it's like J was my pick I wanted Kurt Madskeur who was who would be a great nasty show guy. I wanted Lewis, but they were like who? So I Booked at northeast by north west east I also booked at Northeast by North West East. North by Southwest East. North by Northeast. That's why you're doing that. I love how he says do it.

I'm doing that. But, um, and then they had, um, what the fuck? Mark Norman. Norman? Yeah. Yeah. I tell you what though, I, I picked him and he killed it. He fucking annihilated and then Matt Brunger. Matt Brunger, cool. I love Matt Brung. He had the fucking greatest show go the whole weekend.

He goes, so I fuck my kids. The whole crowd went, oh, he goes, well, you don't like children? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha or two years ago following Bronner, they brought him out to do an encore. Oh God. And then it was like the Sklar brothers were next, but they were like parking. So they were killing time, they gave him an encore. He murdered for like a half an hour. Just waiting for the scars and he's just like,

gets off stage and like, hey, they jumped up there for five minutes till the scars come. And I ate it, my dad was there. Oh my God. It was awful. Oh my God. Yeah.

And even worse than that, why are the Skullabra? They're still in the business What the fuck I can't get anything. I don't get one shot. They get all of them Those they get double shot, but a fat ball twin. I'd be all set Parking but they have like the student cars where they're both driving at the same time What you need to get is a show like that You need to get a show on a channel that no one watches so you can have it forever. Yeah, really? It's classic right? Yeah, yeah, they had a photo. Oh, yeah, like who's who's canceling show? They made over $700 a week on that show That's like you can make that in subway and you get benefits

Mark Norman we're all in Portland together and we're all into a ship club daytime like 40 comics And we're all like just filled the place up Mark Norman by the stage eating soup He is a weird dude, right? But I like him. He kind of bug me this year because I'm off stage. I'm okay. What's up? I'm friendly. I'm me You know I'll bust balls here or whatever. We'll bust balls But I usually don't bust balls with guys. I don't know because I don't I'm friendly, I'm me, you know, I'll bust balls here or whatever, I'll bust balls, but I usually don't bust balls with guys I don't know because I don't want you to get too serious.

I don't want to hurt your feelings and I don't know where you are. He was fucking with me, just fucking quippin' me. And then as I came off and bring him on, he said some fucked up shit. Like, I give it up for that fat bald guy. Or something like that. And I was like, I almost went back out.

What the fuck did you say? But I should have. Well, I just didn't get him, but he's actually a really funny guy. And I kind of, he, everybody keeps telling me that's just him. Oh, yeah, he's a big liar. That's his thing, man. I'm like, you know, we're good friends, and I begged him just to be like, hey, how about you don't lie to me?

And he's like, not lie to everybody for real. He just said, he lies about everything, just for fun. Oh nice. Until it's, you know, let's just think. Why? You know what? It's not for us. Hang on one second. It's for him.

It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him.

It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for him. It's for death, lying. What you're telling me? She told me they didn't went to the war. The war of 87th Street. I thought they went to the war. You wouldn't step by other drug dealers on the block. You went to a war concert to sell acid. But I went to Nick's show last week, it was funny because Rebecca from Creek in the cave Called email me to do it and I was like yeah, that's a fucking loot But then she tells me she goes I called the village voice and I she gave up the lineup and then she was like the guy was like

Wait a minute. There's a type of Bobby Bobby Kelly's coming. She's like, yeah She Bobby Kelly's coming out of the city like he's coming to Brooklyn. She was like, yeah, he was like, holy shit. Like that was like one of the first time, second time I've ever been out of the city to do a show. First of all, it's in Queens, not Brooklyn. Wherever the fuck it is. Where is it? Where was your first one?

It was a fuck. I know a bird. It was in Queens. No, this was years ago. This was a hell gig. This was before all you guys guys are actually started making cool spots this was like one of those uh...

they were trying to make it a regular gig like a bar that you go in and you do twenty and you get paid money it was just a fucking nightmare black show uh... now i was in a black show Greek place uh... now it was an agreement with mexican

a shot up now it's just fine. Yeah, it was just Um, it's always nice. Oh, you know, there's never comedy shows in Jewish places But yeah, there is no value in it. Where you're out of your mind? I was going by my mother the kid It's my mother lives in marble head and I was driving by the whatever the fucking The thing is that you guys go was it? No, the other yeah, it's Jesus I think everybody to it I was born there I could throw that joke You were born

You're mother gave birth to you in the end before she got fried yeah, it's a heartwarming story that Spielberg's turning into a film He's having pre-mortem back to the well. I mean, there's a story about a guy a chapter Yeah, but anyways your show was awesome. I thought it was I really did think it was gonna be this huge Yeah, yeah, because it is union hall. Yeah, and it's like a union hall. It's like it's like 80 packed and then it was a light night Anyway, yeah, but yeah, that it's like a union hall. It's like it's like 80 packed and then it was a light night anyway. Yeah But yeah, that was that was a lot of fun. I can't I can't like even just now like you sang that the first time in the Brooklyn I can't comprehend that I mean I do like Four sets in Brooklyn a week. I've never been asked really nobody ever asked me to go and somebody asked me and I said just said

Yeah, why don't they ever ask you I don't know well have a feeling things are gonna start changing for you I'm going to Brooklyn about house Nitting factory your world is about to fucking explode well first gonna get a beard and a book bag though Not letting these shows without a just people people They have people that live in Brooklyn. They're people that live in Brooklyn. Also, you know, well, they could live in Manhattan. It's people who actually live in Brooklyn.

Right. And not people who don't even live in Manhattan. Yeah, they're cool out there. I like it out there. It was actually a great show, great crowd. I mean, they got the... I like when you can go up and just admit how fucked and weird it is to be where you're at and they get, they just got everything, which was great.

But the one thing that fucking killed me, and a lot of times these things just don't work for me is when they do the videos at the comedy shows, when his video, he made a video that was so fucking funny. And some of these videos, these YouTube things, they go to the edge like you do it too. The commitment you have to have to make a funny video, the commitment you have to have to whatever the fuck

you're doing has to be a hundred and fifty percent. They usually post that right at the end or something. There's something where it's just not, you could see that whatever the fuck it was, they backed off of it, like you've done it with your like man I don't know how you do that remember what is what is it again the amazing racist amazing racist was I don't know how you can do that in real life Like do remember when they did the giant not some movie about retarded people. Yes, and they fucking didn't go anywhere close to harsh Right it was like a family warm warm warm warm

Yeah, they're like they didn't have any food coming out of their mouths at the barbecue. Anybody wiping their face off? Nobody's jerking off in like the grandma's rocking chair. Yeah, that's a real retarded people. What is fucking a vacuum? No wigs falling off. But your video was, can I tell them about it? Yeah, no, it's a very rough part. As he gets a call from it. I was like explaining it's a very rough part. Cause he gets a call from it.

I was like, it's kind of- I'll explain it. I'll explain it better, because I'm a fan of it. Yeah, okay, good. He literally is trying to jerk off, and he can't do it. You know, you ever try to jerk off, and you're like, oh yeah, I almost got hurtin' before you can, you just try to get it out.

You finally get it out, and it just comes out like a stroke victim. You feel nothing, and it just dribbles out, and the load's loads fucking somewhere. And then as soon as he comes, he gets a text, I'm coming over now, you better have that comb from me from some broad. And then he's like, where's the comb?

And then he calls in the A team, basically, to find the comb, which is these assholes. And they have that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, and they do the chose and they all come over and try to find that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that Food yeah, it was on some food. I can't I'm so weird to hear you describe this thing But then they all start jamming the comeback into the dick

And it's an actual it's a dildo, but it looks real So it had a p-hole and they're just they're all just trying to turn it's on their faces as they try to get They didn't it back in the dick and then they succeed And they're like we did it It was so fucked up, but over the top, I was dying. I wanted to see it again, and meeting you. Thanks, but yeah, it's not out, but I'll definitely see you put that on YouTube.

No, don't even put it on YouTube. I already redid it, and I sold it to a POSL. So we filled it already with Dennis Leary. But he was the right man for the chase. When is it coming out on YouTube? It'll be out next week sometime. How do you get them not taking their stuff down? What's that? How do you get them not taking stuff down with coming it?

Oh, I don't know. We haven't tried to put it on yet. Yeah, you're gonna, that's not gonna last. It's not really fucking for me. Oh, and it's like a deal that it looks like a penis. How many times have you tried to put stuff that they would try to put comeback into your dick? Never that. Okay, what? Just normal stuff.

I was like, I was pissing in a diaper once. My shoulder, I showed it coming out of the bottom of the diaper. Was it on the baby? No, it wasn't on the baby. How we got that? They took it down. Are we gonna have to pixelate it?

No, you wouldn't have to pixelate it or anything. I got a stopdowl. That was a great one. Good for you. People just walked over and wasn't on the the baby. I just the visual on that. Just seeing Eric pissing on somebody's baby and their diaper is just dick funneled into the diaper. I was really I was really mad at this cuck sucker, but whatever. I love you buddy. I'm sorry.

Well, you mad at him because you know baby, right baby right well he's trying to bond with my my other two I wasn't you didn't even tell the audience would actually fucking Audience go ahead tell your audience Shulian fucking Nick walked in don't say can you not say fuck every fucking fucking no that's actually my name Fuck oh sorry That's really rude and walked in and Bobby does Bobby has everyone sign the table He hasn't like autographed table, but he doesn't like when people put like catch phrases and shit Well because usually let's just say this the black comics have to throw something at the end

Yeah, no, well they don't respect the mic. I love it. I'm shit Get in where you fitting and the really nerdy comics have to draw a picture themselves What is it? I love being there. Thank you. That was J. L. Joe listed it and two we just we just I love being here. That was Jarless. Joe List did it and we just We're fine from. Locker what?

Joe List. You don't know Joe List. That's so funny. You just moved here. Joe's hilarious. He's a white guy from Boston. Very white. He doesn't do a lot of TV.

That's probably what you mean. Yeah, he doesn't do a lot of shows. So I try to get there. He'll get there. If you don't well, then. Yeah. His girlfriend has a good vine account that he does appearances in. So I was going

to have a joke he said in front of Kelly for Nick to put a catchphrase and for Shulita draw a weed leaf on the table. Kelly doesn't know the judging. Kelly like the fucking my fucking soldier. Like a little pet. Yeah, she's not my pet like the fucking my fucking soldier like a little pet Yeah, she's not my pet. She's my fucking soldier. She she jumped and she's like Oh my god, thank God you've never done Impressions because it makes me want to throw neighbors exactly like Kelly. That's like what part of Australia is Brooklyn in? That's like that movie that Brad Pitt did where he was in an Irish guy and then like 30

minutes in the movie he just completely lost the accent was Brad Pitt. He just said, the rest of the movie. Don't you ever compare Kelly for Secret of Brad Pitt? If so, yeah. Don't you ever have a long fucking explanation like that you've already asked all Brad. Surely. I love that we all just stared at you I know like well, here's the shit saying

I'm thinking no one no one wrote anything on here like he says like go right Some it you look and there's 50 names and nothing written But because here's my job because here's a deal first of all when you tell somebody just write your name We're gonna shellac this someday and auction it off. But if you tell somebody, hey, write something, then you're gonna write something stupid or make a little dumb face. There's so much room.

Or you're gonna know, like, I don't know what the fuck him right, I hate that. Yeah, that's the worst. It's the worst. Just sign your name. Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's it.

We'll give you a post, you're gonna sign it, I think it's something clever. I didn't practice for this. What do you think about, like, signing so we can read who the fuck it is? Oh yeah gonna sign it, think it's hot and clever. I didn't practice for this. What do you think about, like, signing so we can read who the fuck it is? Oh yeah. It's like it's a beautiful signature. I don't know who's circle Z.

Yeah, but first of all, you can tell who actually has had bits of fame in their life where they had to sign something. And where this is the first time anybody's asked them to sign their name. For anything other than a check. That's not true, I have no fame. I've been practicing my signature since I was seven.

Do you practice? I'm a special kiss. do you practice okay yeah do you practice what are you crazy what are you practicing signature growing up I mean no I'm not giving them out once you get yeah super market yeah you used to go to state fairs and sign kids faces. Face writer. You never practice your signature as a kid? No, never as a kid. No, I did.

I did. Yeah, I did. Let's call it school. To learn how to write it. Okay, I did too, then, if they did. I have three notebooks with Arcane. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I have three notebooks with Arcane.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I have three notebooks with Arcane. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. is the first time that I signed anything, a lot of anything. Number two, there's a fan that I've blocked who hates when I bring up. He says I bring Dan Kupa every week, which I doubt, but I'm gonna now. So every week I'm gonna say Dan Kup's name, just so it's fine. You should have a Dan Kup segment. Yeah, I know. Yeah. You got a bunch of lost coming here and do a little intro for it. Who's that? D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- Nope, offer possible. All right, let me just give you my, let me give you mine and then you give me yours. Okay. Um, first of all, my instincts around the money all the time, about, I'll fuck, I can sum,

ask Billy Burr, ask Billy Burr, call me a lawyer. You know Bill Burr. I'm asking him, first of all, it could be weird if I called him. First of all, you know me, Lewis, that's worse. So shut up. That's how you say, I Robert Kelly shut up. I know I I've done this so many times with Burr and a bunch of people where Lewis put the

microwave. Don't sulk your fucking asshole. Where I'll say this guy's a psycho. That guy's fucking a lunatic and he'll go, Dad, you fucking man. You know, you know, and I've been on the money a hundred percent of the time to the point where he goes I will never ever doubt you again and I know when somebody doesn't like me and Reggie I met him. I'm a huge fan. That was probably it too. I was like You know and And then I and it doesn't think you're fanboying out well, I might have i don't know you try to impress him do your own beats i'm working on some stuff i had i did go like this ready

i went back to my truck i went w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w Be kelly And then I asked him play kickball with suspenders on Now so good good your explanation sometimes people people get high and they don't act normal around people They just act sort of quieter. Hey, man, maybe like I like smoking butt. Yeah, maybe you're right, dude Maybe I mean look I don't I don't use drugs and I it's so fucked up. I feel like I'm at a disadvantage Yeah, you are it's like fucked up, I feel like I'm at a disadvantage. Yeah, you are. It's like not using a T. Not using a what? A T and golf. Like a letter T and any of your language.

No, he said golf. I know. That's the white ball. A golf T. First of all, the T. You can't just say a T. You have to give the golf part. You can't just say a golf part. You're not, you're not.

You can't just say a golf part. You were high, you would have got that right off the bat. That's what he said. You're absolutely right. We were going to, by the way, because you were late, we were going to do a high podcast. We were always going to get high when you came in. I would love it. I don't trust them.

I have some. We'll do. Let's do a break and we'll come back. Here's a deal. I would love for you guys to go downstairs and get fucking based in. Pot is not alcohol. So you're saying that's not a box exists? Alcohol to me is, I fucking hate it. I really do. I can't stand it

I think it's a violent drug. I think it kills more people than any other drug. It makes people shitty people I've never had a problem with somebody high at a comedy show ever but it's always a fucking asshole whose Too drunk too fast, some brought a can handle a booze and they get belligerent and their respect issues come out. And it's always a, and then that's what, yeah, booze to me, I fucking hate it. I hate alcohol.

I hate a tripod. I used to smoke bags a week. When I was 10, I used to smoke a really funny funny dude like you said it like your statement was like you were saying you smoked a lot of weed yeah but you just said what everyone smokes which is bags of weed no I'm talking back I used to smoke when you had to smoke an ounce when you had a smoke when you had a stone it was actually just they got it off the plant and that's what you smoked none of this fucking two hits in your base did you had to smoke like three joints to get hot.

You're saying basted too. I don't know that's true. That's back when I was a kid, basted, you're still basted. I used to love smoking weed. I used to love, I mean my friend Frankie Polakastro used to try to sell, you've great guy. He lives in the Hampshire.

Of course it does. We used to try to be drug dealers three times. All right, you fucking red bastard. This poor guy's got a family now. You're just telling all your fans that he's a drug dealer. We're a 13. We just get smoke in all your profit. We smoke everything.

I remember the last time we just rolled two joints. We got an ounce, we rolled two joints. Two giant joints went to the park and got everybody's fucking stomach there. Yeah, you get absolutely you get bed sheets, you get bed sheets, lick them together, make a huge, we make two huge fucking rolling papers and we sat at the parking rolled two lobers and we smoked, we smoked, never smoked weed before I just realized. We smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we smote, we sm remember, I, I, we got high once, my friend, he'd lit me on fire.

I had a hoodie on and we were watching Popeye, like cartoons. And we used to steal swanson dinners, the TV dinners. And we, we just go to the store, we get stone, we steal dinners, we come back, we heat them up. And you know, the swanson dinners back in the day, we saw microwaves, took you an hour and a half to hook that shit up and I actually put it in the oven and just wait and then the potatoes would still be cold an hour later you know

and I remember I was sitting there with my hoodies on I bet you do you do you fucking hack remember the days when the fuck did the dinners the potatoes are cold and who ate the dessert? How was it? Was it? Yo, let me hear who's eating them swanson dinners out there. Swanson and dogs. Yo, yo, who get tied? Am I right, ladies?

Show up. Sounds like me. He was pouring light of fluid on my hoodie. I had my hoodie on. Why was he doing that? I hung out with a lot of fucked up dudes. And I remember he was sitting there laughing. And I'm watching TV, and I was like, what was he doing man? I hung out with a lot of fucked up dudes. And I remember you sitting there laughing, and I'm watching TV and I'm just like fucked up.

And he's sitting there probably around 50 minutes just squeezing light of fluid on my hood. And then I remember he went to get the cigarette and he's fucking cracking himself up. And I'm like, what are you laughing for man? You fucking freaking me out. And then he takes a match and throws it on my head. And I just heard of, and I went,

and I ran around the room, and he's just, I've never seen a human being laugh that hard. Like I thought he was gonna die. He was going, he was going, fatty begin. Oh, God, you'll be Oh, he's got it. Oh, shit, God. You think he punished you?

Your head was on fire. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, roll, roll. But Bobby was like, where are they? Is that why you're bald? No, no, no, no. I just took the hoodie off.

I had a hoodie on. It wasn't my head. It was just the hoodie. Yeah. That's a buzzkill for one of you. I'll tell you that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I tell my wife all the time.

I mean, look, I'm recovering. Where's Sweden the world? Australia. Oh yeah? Yeah, I think. People too. I had some nasty weed in Jamaica of all places. What? Really?

Yeah. Jamaica's weed isn't good. Jamaica's weed is like- It's just everywhere. It's amazing though, because you get up at the crack of dawn and you fucking roll a huge split that cause you like a nickel. And you just smoke it on the beach. And it's just you're in heaven.

It's a mental state. I just the first to have it, that's all. I literally checked in. I walk in the elevator and the bell man's like, how's it going, man? I go good. And he looks at me and goes, how's it going, man? And I'm like, good.

I'm like, I don't know. And he goes, you got everything you need. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I said maybe later. And you sucked him off. That he turns, makes a hard, what you need, makes a hard left. And he goes, what room number you in? I'm like, listen, it's cool. I got friends. I got some in my shoe, relax. Everything's fine. I'll find you downstairs What fucking room number are you there circling the lobby just waiting to fucking sell you we Like taxi driver. I won't go there. My wife was like we should I go you're out of your fucking mind Beauty's not happened my friend is Jamaican grew up there He said he would like throw his accent up higher when oh no tourists are around help them bone checks really my mom is Jamaican

Yeah, she was more like she's like her grand-grand Yeah. She was born, or like, she's like, her grandparents moved there. She was born there. She moved when she was seven. You're black. I've never been. You have black in you. I love air. Look at her.

You're black. What? How did this get by me? I don't know. I didn't know that. I'll see you guys later. I'm so sorry. I have this for the wrong podcast.

This is Shara's small doing one downstairs. Come on, son. Play ya. I got a show on vh1 mtv and mtv to what that we all oh god um... well i love i love weed and and it's sad because i'm recovering alcohol got thirty years now and i can never ever go back because i i truly believe that i i would just never want to when i drank alcohol is a violent drunk drunk. I was just an asshole. But when I when I did weed I

never had a real problem. It was just I did kind of everything. I did all the drugs. So what do you have to go both? Because, yeah, well, I don't I don't have the ability to not do it. Yeah, I don't have the ability. I have that that thing in me where I just I don't have the ability to stop. I don't have the ability. I have that thing in me where I just I don't have the ability to stop Right. I don't have the ability to you know compartmentalize and say okay. I'm just gonna do this But you can do but you can just do cigarettes or caffeine though, right? I quit cigarettes too and I'm kind of slowing down on caffeine too It's a weird thing. I just see with cigarettes and caffeine It's a longer death or something, you know, bad things,

you know, nothing really gonna happen off of caffeine, you get it. But with, if I wind up with alcohol, first of all, nobody's gonna help me. I'm gonna be on my fucking own. I'm gonna lose everything. And I don't wanna be that guy. I've seen too many guys fucking have, at the top, sober, everything's great. And then all of a sudden they're just dead which uh... that being said we told the kids born before you weld that door shut on weed

because uh... yeah i wish i could a nice little off ramp of the highway of life that's what i tell my therapist is like i don't get to do i don't get an easy way out yeah i don't even do drugs to like you know to relax me like uh... you know like depression drugs or yeah we need to do anything people don't do anything are just weird to me. Ralph, he had to get off it

because of some attack he had. And yeah, and they said no more weed. And then he had to replace it with fucking pills for his back and anxiety medication and all this stuff that weed was giving him. He had to have like 20 pills. I just have anxiety on them. I have fucking anxiety.

Really? And I never knew I had it. People used to ask me all the time, you were afraid, you ever get stressed, It'll have like 20 pills. I just have anxiety. I have fucking anxiety. Really? And I never knew I had it. People used to ask me all the time, you were afraid, do you ever get stressed, you ever get weirded out going on stage? I said, fuck no, of course not. Yeah, I did. I just smoked.

You were named to it. Fuck things that I didn't know. Now that I don't do any of that shit, and I'm just dealing with, you know, I just have my, the love of my wife and my child coming, I want to stab people. I think that I'm sorry. I think that I'm sorry. I think that I'm sorry. It's like necessary in life because when I stop smoking weed, I stop for a couple of months, it's like you had to deal with your shit.

You know what I'm saying? Like I used to smoke myself numb to where I didn't really care if something wasn't going well. But now I actually like have to deal with the emotion, deal with the anxiety, deal with the anger, deal with the fucking, you know, the short temper, you have to deal with all that. It's healthier, I think. But I'll smoke some weed right now if you guys want to light up. If Michael Douglas had some weed, that movie falling down never would have happened.

He would have just stayed in his car and smoked that fucking weed. He'd gotten home and then, you know, another movie never would have happened is that movie where the guy, who's that old dude dude who got he was shooting wolves for a while That the gray it was the gray They're big into the wild the gray when he tied when he tied fucking nips to his knuckle and then fight Oh, thought a wolf that we didn't get to see Oh, it's like a ghetto Wolverine that fucking movie really crash and then we're getting though pissed me off great crash But the only thing they show in the previews is him taping little tiny bottles to his knuckles like a blood sport

Come on like a kumote and I'm like he's gonna fight a wolf would fucking blood knuckles And it that no at the end of the movie they just fade out. Yes, boy. They never did that spoil alert I just saved you that will fight movie doesn't show you the wolf fight no What a spoiler alert is yeah, it's the end of the movie. I'm telling them what happens No, but you got to say spoiler alert before you don't I Afterword spoiler and then say spoiler alert are just saved you 20 bucks on a movie That's not the way it works. It's not you're absolutely right, but that was not still the theaters

You can't possibly pay to wait all your stuff. Yeah, but that's the fuck. Also, that's still the theaters. You can't possibly pay $2,000. Yeah, but that's a big hit. I pay a lot for my DVDs. And here's, what do you get? This is dope. I get them on the street from a really to a small African guy. You fly to LA to get your DVDs. You got certification. Real Korean people.

Yeah, it's, I love weed, man. And I love, and I like people do weed. Yeah, let's just smoke. You guys wanna go smoke? Yeah! Let's just go. Why do you keep talking about doing? We can't do it in the room. You can't do it here. That's why I like people do we yeah, let's just smoke you guys want to go smoke Go why do you keep talking about going? You can't do it in the room. You can't do it here We didn't do it. It's why who lives here a family? Yeah, you know, you know no the Richardson's you know, no, I'm the owner of the comedy cell. Uh-huh. This is his apartment Oh, yeah, you can't even smoke pot. Oh, he smokes pot So what but he his wife doesn't smoke pot and it's you can't smoke here. Oh, there's no smoking in this

Yeah, it is it's terrible first of all because not I love like a studio I love the fact that you'll accept that but the fact that I'm a recovering alcohol could drag out No, cuz you're not even fox you're totally allowed I read the rules I read the rule book you're allowed to be around it. I'm not allowed to be around I just told you I'm I'm kind of thinking about it and you're not even trying to help me. I'm trying to hot box make. I'm trying to. I'm supposed to hot box. That's a six step. First of all, I don't like the word hot box. Now she's not not hot box. That's what my pregnant wife has after walking 10 blocks in New York City. That's a sweaty

mix. Don't shake your head. Take it. I'll take it. I'll take it. If you guys wanna take a pause, I'll let you guys go downstairs. No, seriously, we'll take a pause, but you gotta come back and do it to make it music. You guys. Don't get any old drums. But if you have to smoke on the street, you can't get arrested again, Lewis.

No, you can get arrested, please get arrested. That'd be better. The only time I've ever been arrested for smoke-a-paw in New York is in the West Village. Really? We're in the West Village. But it was way gager. They don't really But it was way gair.

They don't really. It was like, on Gay Street. Like they led you away in a car. They fully arrested you. I stopped 30 hours of jail for smoking weed. You what? You was hosting. Was that Aceville hosting?

And you got arrested in the middle of the show? During the show. You got arrested? That wasn't for weed. That was for your show. That was the comedy police Shit no you didn't I told you not tell anybody about that Yeah, Eric are are you I was fucking

All right, that's a weird name for you Erie Irish Irish well my I got an email once for and it said it said dear aries We'd love to have you back in comedy juice. We haven't had you in a while I was like yeah, it's been aries we'd love to have you back in comedy juice We haven't had you in a while. I was like yeah, it's been a while. I'd love to come around there But we're trying to write that to me or aries spirits and they said oh actually we were trying to write the aries spirits But we have a spot in September for you So there you go. We're eight months later. I'm like you already told me you have an opening I'm glad with that

Also our he's has not been notified. You know that. Did you pass this message on Ari Spears for us? Well, let you know, comedy juice here. It's wide open. Yeah, you're good. There's one you got to drive to. Yeah, you're fine.

Guys, okay. What did you say? You guys are going to go? You really want them to go smoke weed. Look at this. You're going to smoke it too, though're fine. You're fine. That's funny. What did you say? You guys gonna go? You really want them to go smoke weed. Look at this. You're gonna smoke it too, though. Kelly, Kelly, you got to start with us. Because I can't smoke weed.

Because you get more annoying and possible. All right, I know. Listen, I get paranoid. I'm gonna take a break right now. I'm gonna take a break right now. I'm gonna take a piss that's well needed. You guys are gonna go downstairs, smokes, get based, and wait a minute. I need you guys all on mic right now. Just, I want you guys to introduce yourselves as you are right now,

because I need to hear, okay, Kelly, you're going to do this. Can you try it please? Can you please, Kelly, just a little bit more. I get arrested, I get deported. You're not going to get, listen, make sure she doesn't get arrested, just give her a couple hits real quick, and then, and then come back up here not only papers i have a pipe though guys just take a couple all right i've got a point of rolling papers in my pocket okay please uh... roll it up here and roll it up here please go uh... announce yourself

guys guys guys look at me announce yourselves uh... he's done it and everything and just go through a good. Shuliegaar, proud father, husband, comic, Howard 100 News reporter. Thank you. I'm Maurice Jaffir, originally at a Silver Spring Maryland. I moved to Los Angeles after college. And then in the last couple of weeks, I moved to New York City where I hoped to start my comedy career. So many people moving to New York for comedy.

Get over it. It's not going to happen. That's what we're doing right now. Go ahead. I'm real-ass dude, how we're sort of MMA radio. Louis J. Gomez. I want to throw up. They just said that. From the hand-off, we're fixing podcasts on the right-ass network. We're gonna go get stoned in just a moment. We're gonna come back. It's gonna be a whole thing. Just your name. No comment. I'm Commentating I'm My name is Nick Turner and I'm a nice boy

Kelly I'm Kelly, bestie guy and I was waiting tables today, right and you smell that one We know Ha ha ha ha ha ha you smell like a Mexican and dishwater. I will be we will be right back with With the new ykw And a few minutes. Okay, well, everybody's downstairs getting stoned out of their fucking mind. I'm gonna do some ads. Everybody knows that the Riotcast Network and the You Know What, Dude podcast is sponsored by Tweakedaudio.com for your headphone needs. Now these aren't Bose, I'm not saying that they're the top of the line headphones,

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that you're gonna buy, you can use this, even if you go and you're gonna buy me something for you guys have been amazing, by the way, for all you son of a bitch is who have bought me Have gotten me stuff for my baby the registry on Amazon I really want to thank you guys right now, but if you're gonna buy it buy it through my link. So the show makes money Derek Gort from Texas Aaron Morse from Mass

Michael Vazquaz from Texas, Aaron Morse from Mass, Michael Vasquez from Honolulu, Kathy and Joe, Galas from Mass, I love you guys, Megan, Paul Antonio from Hilo Hawaii, the home of BJ Penn, my favorite MMA guy. You guys are great, thank you so much. And if I fucked up your name, it's my wife, shitty writing. I had to write down all the people who got me stuff off the bay registry for the new kid. For the kid, you guys are fantastic. You didn't have to do that. And it's amazing that you did.

You took the time to do that. So I really appreciate it. Thanks a lot for doing that. Thank you guys for using GameFly.com. Oh my god. I don't know what the fuck just hello. Hello. That's hilarious. Something just fell. Scared the shit out of me. Make sure you go to GameFly.com, the Netflix of video gaming and use go to GameFly.com slash excuse me YKWD sign up for two week free membership

and cancel at any time. And you guys who would donate, you guys are amazing. Thank you so much for donating. All the money goes back into the show. We got some great new shit going down because of your donations, whether it's a dollar, a month, five dollars a month, 50 dollars a month $5 a month $50 a month

All those donations go right back into the show So yeah, we got some really cool new stuff coming to the YKWD podcast studios live video You call in lines all because of you supporting our sponsors and donating to the show. So if it's a dollar a month, fifty dollars a month, whatever it is, it's all unbelievable. And you guys are awesome. Thank you so much. These assholes are coming back in right now. So we'll see what table weed this is. We, here we go. have uh Kelly Fistica she's fucking basted ha ha look at her eyes we got Nick Nick's trying not to smile which is hilarious fucking adorable uh Lewis just looks the same old cycle that he fucking always looks based on Loobers man um we got Shuley. Feeling no pain, bro. Shuley actually grew his hair back.

How did that happen? What kind of weed is this? We got Harish here. I'm based on louvers. All right, louvers. What the fuck is a louver? What are all based on louvers, bro? It's a fucking lover.

A lover. You know what a lover is? You know, lovers with big, big joints. Like a lover. What's it like a baseball bat? We used to call it baseball bat. Like a lover is? You know, lovers with big, big joints, like a lover. What's it like a baseball bat? We used to call it baseball bat. Like a lover. It's like a lover.

We used to, it didn't mean anything. We used to call it. That's the origin. You don't know that, though. Have you Googled lover? I have not. We got to check the urban dictionary. We have Kelly do that.

Don't ever go reach for your phone. Ever. Louis, are you on your phone right now? No I'm gonna low. I'm looking at lovers low. No, I just said don't do it. What is he looking at? What is he looking at? Fucking put a recon dude get off your phone. Oh my god. It's Dude, get off your phone. Oh my god, it's- I know what calls. Jesus, no real-

Christ. Now, I'll tell you what's gonna happen with this podcast. You guys are just gonna fucking talk over each other and just randomly go off on tangents. Like, you're a little solo conversations, you're gonna have with each other. You forgot to put your headphones on, you fucking stoners.

I didn't realize we were starting. We've started. Kelly's just laughing, it's directly at everything. So this goes for two hours now? I don't know. This've started. Kelly's just laughing. It's directly at everything. So this goes for two hours now? This goes until one of you passes out. Kelly, do some stand-up. I'm sorry, Kelly.

We stopped. She is so fucking high. She took such small hair. I never smug. I haven't smugged like two years. Why is she no shiny? She was like, but guys, I was serious like getting deported. What did you say? But guys. Watch out because I would get deported if I get caught. Hang on, let me hear you. Of course, I was serious like getting deported. So I'm like okay. Yeah, what are you just heard of the paulis?

Well you heard it was a flawless East London accent. But guys. I did an Australian accent, left for like two lines in a play once, and then at the end of the run that was like three months long, I talked to one of the tech guys from Australia and I was like, oh yeah, what did you do to my accent? He's like, you were doing an Australian accent? He watched the play, I don't know how much it was. We just thought you were retarded.

Can you do it right now? Can we? No, no, I can't do anything. Let me get it. Let me get it. Do the lines.? No, no, I can't do anything. Let me do the lines. Do the lines. Hang on, hang on. Hang on. Listen to me.

Listen to me. First of all, we're not asking you to redo it. We're not on live television right now. You can fuck it up. Woo! You got to try. Try. What was the line? There was a...

Wow, that was a shrimp on the movie was it. We're you fucking might as men The character the thing is I can't really remember what it like what it even was about But it was it was like a big guy a big boy It was a kangaroo puppet and I was I was playing Robert Murdoch and it was Two second it was this real political play and uh... okay she had a puppet and it was a kangaroo and what did the kangaroo say the king uh... the i mean it was probably like uh...

hey everyone all you know the fox days i mean it wasn't that there was a writer who knew he was what he was doing. Kelly, can you do it the right way? Can you do it the right way? Let me see this, is it recording? Hello? Oh, hey, hey, wait. You go, don't try to save your job now. If you close your eyes, it's like

Rupert Murdoch is in this room with us. I ready? Next is Nick. This is Nick, we don't need Teddy jokes like that. Nick, and then I'm fucking, what are you? I'm kidding, Rose. I'm kidding, Rose. Don't do this. Nick, okay, you go, do your version, go ahead.

I don't have to follow the rules, because I hope. I own this cup. I can't. I like the idea. I don't have to follow the rules, because I own this cup. Yeah. Sounds more Australian. Yeah,, Kelly can you do it? Then Australian accent sounds more fuckable. Oh, I don't

Sure, I don't have to follow the rules. Oh, yeah, I have to follow that Ray, I know Oh, yeah, he's cool I like I like aries better. What was yours? Oh, Harry Spears? I I like aries better what was yours? Oh Harry Spears I'm a Harry Shafir I should bear wait I did

I'll get to put it Yeah, well we have to Um uh Uh guys puts no way Oh god but seriously I'll totally get the I'll say it's like a deported You sound like you sound like a fucking Australian with a hair lip That's so much worse

Nothing completely getting in the car That was all Surely you got one Uh guys I don't want to get deported with a hair lip. That's so much worse. That's the last thing you did. That was all. Surely you got one? Uh, guys, I don't want to get deported. That's all right. It's okay. All right.

What about you? All right, guys, I don't want to go down to the shrimp on the bobby because I'll get deported. Oh, yes. Does every line in Australia have to include like a shrimp of the barber? You know, or, or crikey or good day. Crikey, right, mate? We like say the word shrimp with a prawns that's not

a problem the bobby go get some prawns mate we have a we have a we have a oh you want me to do it you're stretching to get ready for it ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha baby, boy baby, Charlie, boy baby, the political, the political longitude of the latitude of the longevity of the Democrat boy.

And say, you say the cockney in the middle of it. I promise, I for no reason. Yeah, that's not a lyric. I'll tell you, the Australian accent always is always up in at the end. So I was like, hello, Bobby. Hello. Everything's gonna be okay. It always goes up at the end. I've got cancer.

You know, the cancer's an honor. Oh, wow. It's going through my body, but I'm gonna die in two weeks, but it's all right. Fucking hate it. Someone else will feel a bit more often about this podcast so we can get a lesson. I'm gonna die in two weeks, but it's all right. Hey! Fucking hate it. So we're gonna follow Philip Simmer off and buy this podcast so we can get a lesson. Philip used to live near me in the actress building. Really?

All right, you know Philip Simmer off, man. No, I said he's a little bit rinsed. Does it never end? Remember Danny LeBel, a little what's in it? He's an L.A. No, he's an L.A. They live together?

Yes. I can't wait till that, he looks at the conversation. He's shooting. He actually would get the craziest guests on his show, because he would see them in the street and just walk up to him and go, hey man, I do this show and I went to be on it and they'd fucking say yes. He'd go, hey man, am I creeping you out?

Yeah. I know there's no way that to know. I'm over to my house. I love that guy. I love Daniel Addy. He's awesome. He is. He's an awesome guy, but he's he's also got a new CD out that he actually told me to mention Danny LeBell CD you know what else is awesome pizza. Let's order one Let's let's fucking do this. Let's Let's fucking yeah

Actually, I thought it was a fucking fire in the building, dude. I was losing my mind. What little left? I like Nick the most out of all of you, because I want to go save him first. Let's push him out of the way towards the door. You just want to do the one that would actually give you... What am I high? My brain just shut down.

Fuck me. That's a flat tire. That's not a bomb. We do need a flat tire Flat tire we'll get one you probably you should have it I mean one of your fans are fucking makes all these flags won't they make you make us a flat tire flag Who's making you this flag? Nobody he's an idiot who stoned we just said all the fans that are making me flags I don't have a flan, a flan flag, flagon. I don't have a flan.

A fan flag. You know, it's fancy Ross flag really into your shit. Nick, it's so funny how much you've changed. You were a little goofy before you went out, now you just a yo-were. What's up? Yo, cookies and shit. Came back as sputoli.

Hey, you mentioned to him that you're Jamaican once and then your accent changes. Yeah, that's crazy What up? I'll have you have a new oh, I don't it's not really I mean, I don't know Don't hide so hard. It's at least the hair. No, it's like 164th or something all right or one 30 second It's like a Santa Clarita you got a chance to make no it's Next to each other that's like saying on a eight or nine. He's not that black because he was pretty good with those fractions. He does, but now that you do say that you have

some black and you I can see it. Thank you so much. You can feel nicer now that you want it. Is that why you stay? Do you feel more at ease now that it's up your chest? Absolutely. Now that everybody knows. Yeah.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. You're going on nature retreat. But thank you, yes, I am a black person, and I would appreciate if you referred to me as such. You may be like a Jackie Robinson of the slightly mixed race, Canadians.

You look like a, what else do you have in you, by the way? Oh, I guess there's like a lot of, my dad is, from guess there's like a lot of... My dad is... Navajo. From my dad's side, on my dad's side, it's just like super white English. Why is he trying to guess? Why do you make everything into a game?

Everything into a game, Navajo. English. Scottish. It's my mom's side, I guess the largest percentage is Lebanese, but there's you know I got a little Jewish in me right You know and some black. I don't know. So much a crap Really? There's a bunch of crap in there. I thought you could have been a Jew. Yeah. I thought you were a Jew

Yeah, yeah a lot of people doing and again. Thank you so much. Yeah I thought that was what's left of the juice flow. I get a lot of, how are you Jewish on the street? Really? Absolutely. Are you Jewish? You really do have old Jewish lady face. Absolutely.

Can I add something to maybe... We don't even know what that is. Shaffir, maybe you know what this is. One night, this really bothered me too. As a bunch of Hasidic Jews came down in front of the seller with a minivan, and they open up the back and they had these made. It's a mace. They had these amazing calls.

I can edit you right out if you're rather, do you want to just keep going? I'm saying that's what it's called. Sometimes it's a matter of your life. Let me finish the fucking, you don't even know what I'm going to say. I know what it's called though. You don't know what the fucking story is,

you know, drug addict. I know what the fucking, the tank was called. mitzvah tank. I'm not a tank It's a mini van you fucking and they bring you in it and they put the filling on you. No. I don't even know what the filling is I don't know what he was gonna say yeah because I didn't say it because I didn't say it what he was gonna say then that might be called You're a fucking you really are I hope you get arrested. I'm gonna rest it anyways. You literally like, I'm walking down the street.

Mids for tank. My wife said it's for tank. So it's fucking juice. Yeah. So they do, Mids for tank. They'll think. I wanna fucking smash you with an ood. All right, here we go.

They pull up and they open up the back and they had these amazing handmade fresh donuts. And they would say, are you Jewish? They'd be like, and if you were Jewish, you'd come over and you get to have one of these donuts and they look just fucking incredible. And then you dance with them. And they'd be like,

and they'd, but the only way you could have a donatus if you were Jewish and if you said some prayer to Probably something. I don't know they said it but it doesn't and I wanted to convert so bad for a donut I but it was these are amazing donuts, but I don't know why they were giving out Was it around like a Hanukkah time? Was it around December? No, it was it was warm out. I hear that's like a big holiday for you guys. Maybe why? Why? Because they have they have like doughnuts jelly filled doughnuts at that time. Yeah jelly filled doughnuts. That's what they were They're pretty good sugar on them. Yes. Yeah, that's what's gotten you out. So it's gonna go. Yeah, the one is a call

So it's gonna go and you can you do it? Can you get those if you're not yours? You go to a Jewish store Yeah, it's not like they're gonna like open up a back room for you and get it around You're round really so these guys just pulled up and we're doing some how's no sugar going God dreaming about you can get you can get jelly done. I think a lot of places right yeah, but these are like I I fell I fell off the wagon Sunday. I want to a steak you know relax. I want looking at houses outside the city steak you want to relax I want looking at houses outside the city you're moving on to the city? I'm gonna say she had a good reason.

It's just nothing else she could have done. Seems like you did. Keep trying everything. Let me finish. You're up against the wall Bobby. No shame in that. No shame. Let me finish again.

I really love you guys. Hi. Um. What? What? What? What? So you're already struggling. You're in Long Island.

You're already on the move. I would never move to fucking Long Island. It's much easy. I mean, I'm in, I'm just, I'm a, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me,

let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let I just don't people get everything's a game. Let me I'm gonna tell you that's Outworked me. One of them has to be true. Exit 48 You guys just want a problem solved Highland falls you guys a fucking beautiful minding out on me right now. Relax. It's all of them It was up up in New York on the other side of the Hudson Palacites I Was up up in New York on the other side of the Hudson That's kind of rug rope no it was definitely not where you grew up. No, let's do your mother with many white kids What the fuck He just said it was so much. I never heard the word nanny said it's a much range

He just said that was so much. I never heard the word nanny said it's so much range He really we said speak you might as just said that's really a spick mom You turn my mom was white. I'll let you know. I was at nanny. She was My own kids much less other people's kids mouth didn't have to trash and grant your mom to fucking There's no podcast and hell. Jesus God The fuck now everybody's bummed out. You're ruining the high for everybody. Look at Nick's face. I just thought there wasn't a hell.

Nick looked like Brendan Frazier. Sorry Nick. There is no hell Nick. Not for you. Not for Jamaican Jews. What? How'd you pick? Alright.

It's just, you know, it just feels insulting. Even though I know it's not. Jamaican Jews does is no way. Are you Madya Mekanjou? There is no concept of hell and Judaism. What? We don't have it. What do you mean?

Beat that. And in Jamaica, it's just feelin' it. What do you mean be dad? Oh, I didn't and in Jamaica. It's just feeling I What there's no Helen Judaism purgatory 11 months of purgatory across the board everybody gets it Not how many how many 11 months 11 months been nine levels like Dante said nope. How many one level? What better or worse depending on how bad you were it's more of a waiting room, so there's no there's no Eating feces if you were. It's more of a waiting room. So there's no, there's no eating feces if you were this and you fucked a chicken the ash all life, you're gonna get fucked in the ass, but a devil for night for eternity. They don't really talk about it much because no one's been there. Right. Just like that. Well, and Dodgy's in front of it. Didn't they, didn't

each level had its own little, you know, separate type of hell. Yes, separate type of hell in each was no way to mean is eating feces on the bad end or the good end That's on the probably the good end. It's start with that Louis CK used to have a bit about it about people like fuck Of course he does and hell and then the end is like oh fuck hell is so bad yet to fuck these guys in the ass To get fucked in the ass by a demon with like a what a you know hook cock and the the man deem is like oh no That wasn't part I was just waiting here Yeah, you's I didn't know that there's no how there's important just 11 months and then what do you go heaven?

And then you go to heaven every soul is cleansed and you get to go to sit by God in the glory of God Wait a second. First of all, there's no Jesus in that heaven Yeah, he's there. He's there. But he's not. What's he up to? He's like the guy lost where he's like, oh, go on in a second. I'm really sorry.

My bad. He's like a seat filler. He's just hanging out. He would be clung to. Same thing. Absolutely. He would be clung to. He's clung?

Yeah. But is he hunting? I mean, he's no, I don't think you do anything you just sit there all day What a gr... Which is what he was doing were alive anyway, so when you go to heaven? You're a Jew you die you everybody goes no matter what you go to 11 months That's 11 months but they talk about that each day might seem like a hundred years So that's that there's that's like Kelly's act Really sorry So it's not a porch line 11 months

This is a boo wouldn't this is a porch line So then after that you go to heaven and what's in heaven? What are you doing heaven? I don't really I don't really say Jesus get an apology note From God yeah saying hey, I'm sorry. What why would he apologize to him? I can't really say. Jesus get an apology note from God. Yeah. Saying, hey, why would he apologize to him? He killed him, you guys killed Jesus. Yeah, he killed him, man. He killed him, he killed him.

He killed him, he killed him. Yeah, and that wouldn't have been his heaven, like just talking about it. Oh, it's at least like an apology. No, he got to be like he wanted. He got to be a fucking warning for other people. Yeah, he's a martyr. Don't start up.

What? Or the same will happen to you. I know you guys believe in Jesus. He just wasn't in like the version of the it to be voted in to be the Messiah, but it's 12 people and he wasn't. 12 people. Do you know those 12 people? Everybody know the same 12 people that do just for laughs. Can we talk to them to get Lewis up there? Yeah, tell us the 12 people that are more famous than Jesus. It's just, I don't know. Mark Maron.

Mark Maron. When I was there, Michael Jackson visited the whaling wall and they said not to go because it's an idol worship. And I was like, girl, I ask for advice. It's a fucking musician. Come back. Really? Yeah.

Oh my god. It took it too far sometimes. ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo? ¿Cómo Solicitate en fundación la caixa.org Carifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en vol Kelly live.com. It's fucking fantastic little website for you. Comics, Fox Woods, 27th, 28th, 29th. You know what, dude? Podcast show. Lewis Gomez, Kelly Fistuka. Myself will be there all weekend. We'll do it a bunch of shows at the Fox Woods,

27th, 28th, 29th. And then we're doing a nasty show on Saturday. So come down, spread the word Connecticut, Boston, Rhode Island. And we're going to be doing a maybe a podcast at some point, either after one of the shows or before. We'll let you know as the date gets closer. And then I'm going to just fill-ass for a long fucking

time, a long fucking time, holy shit fucking time. The 16th of July, to the 28th, I don't even know if that's legal. So there you go, go to my comedy fucking website for more information, bio, photos, love, whatever you want, Facebook, Twitter, make sure you spread the word about the show. Come see us live, support us live. It's always great when you, the YKW defense, come up after the show and let us know that you were there. We got to love, dude, at the show. I'll know that you. Or a fucking retarded person. So there you go, and go get my app on iTunes, Robert Kelly Live app, has the podcast on it,

all my dates, writing the palm of your hand, and it's award-winning. So check it out, Android is coming soon, my developer, I think, I don't need to talk to him anymore, so I don't want the fuck to go on. So, who the fuck are you gonna do? But get the app if you have an iPhone, and get the Rycast app if you have an iPhone. Get it all it's all free free free free free free free

free. Fuck it's free. God. So there you go. I caught a Hasidic guy on a flight from L.A. New York talking shit about me and Hebrew. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I speak it fluently. So what was he saying, but Satan Hebrew first? So, but I got to tell you, I got I want to be you hearing what he said. First of all, I just want to tell you, I've waited my entire life for this moment to catch to be on the podcast. No. And to catch somebody talking shit. Hang on one second, Kelly, can you not be high in the video recording with the eye? You look like a black lady watching Obama give a speech. She's both using the iPad to record

and to hide her fake, she's shoving food into it. She's using it as a block out. She's gonna look like a Claire witcher. So I got a middle seat on this plane and it's a Hasidic couple. Oh, could not get a worst people instead of either side of you. They won't sit next to each other.

So I ask them right off the bat. Oh, you guys want to switch. I'm fine with the window or the aisle. And she goes, and it was like a movie. She goes, I prefer the window. And he prefers the aisle. And he's like fucking, he's like, no deodorant. No deodorant.

She starts. That's not a commandment. She starts opening up food That now I was born in Israel. I've eaten you know Israeli food my whole I've never smelled or seen anything like it. It was just awful. You're making it harder for all of us Stop acting that way. So what about the hat? Did he put his hat up and take the over? Fuck I hate that. Yeah, that makes me so fucking angry. angry Put it on your hat. Yeah, you have it Yeah, leave it on your head like a cowboy does

By the way, this is how Hitler started So I they don't want to switch I put my head funds in we take off I'm out for like a half hour. She taps me on the shoulder the woman She's got to go to the bath. Can I get sick of course of course right so I get up he gets up I wait. She comes back. I'm sitting back in my seat and it's been like 10 minutes. I'm trying to go back to sleep. I can't. And I feel like somebody standing over me. And I look, I take my earbuds out and I look and there's her husband with a baby in his hands that they didn't have. I was the beginning. They didn't have it at the beginning of the flight. Was it in the hat? That sure was Jodie Foster's girl with. In that movie, yeah.

It was some couple, obviously. You know, how you have to be to have that reference, man, the girl with a panic. No, it's the fucking red movie. That was a flight plan. Flight plan. Oh my god. No, how I had to be to get that red.

I got it. And so he's handing me the kid. And he's going, can you pass? He's not, no way. He's mad. Can I bother you? It's like, can you give the kid to my wife? And I go, and I go, no.

I said, I don't want to be involved in all this, you know? And he says to her in Hebrew, he says, Zellamani Soneltam, which trans... Wait a minute, can I translate it? Yeah. Yeah. I don't feel comfortable with your baby. What the heck?

If I wanted to kid on my lap, I would've brought my fucking kid. I, I forget it, you were on the joke. Go ahead, just stay there. Oh, sorry. The thing was, I was gonna say something that it would've been funny, but I didn't have it. And go ahead. So he says, thanks for fucking stepping on it, man.

It smells good. Fucking drug addict. Will you shut that light out above your head? It looks like you have an idea. Ha ha ha. Right behind you. Right behind you. Fuck a drug addict. Will you shut that light out above your head? It looks like you have an idea. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Right behind you. Right behind you.

Right behind you. No, no, no, no, no, no, the black thing. The black, the black. Up on the behind there. Up right there. Yeah, that one. I'm plugged in. Thank you.

Go ahead. So he says, which translated means that's why I hate them. He says to a He says oh my god You mean them as in white people well to be honest with you. I don't know either goiam or a Jew I mean there aren't too many things I could be mistaken for you know you don't look like a Jew though New Yorkers Maybe I don't know you look like a goiam well so Goiam well, so in a split second. Goi is it going one goi goi him is maybe he meant IT guys

So he does rapists Yeah, man That line It's okay My baby that's why I hate that's okay to touch them when they want to fuck but now that they want to help This is why I hate them. Will you hold my baby. No, cuz I want to fuck it Maybe it was a test to see if you were a pedophile Like hold this baby, but the baby is not well, so I Like you like like you like locks and fucking baggles. I love licking baby

So no I can't The name of the podcast. You want to just yell 500 feet babies? What did you say to them? So I said to them the first thing that popped out in Hebrew You got to let them know that you understand I Hitler So I said to them left is aunt a must have a tachath which translated it to all the gas. Yeah, I won't go ahead لقد أتعلم أنه يتبعي لك هل تتبعيك؟ نعم، سأتبعيك أتبعيك

لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك

لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك

لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك لقد أتبعيك You can't pressure me into this Just eat it man. Nothing else to do with it. I'll cut me tell is gonna fix it. She's gonna ruin the bag for you Fixing you holding a brownie just put it on the table Man, I know my name's a You smoke a half a joint you're gonna do Either cheat or talk but both of them how dare you So what did he say to you so I said I said let's say I'm a Shuchabataka would translate means why don't you go fuck your mother in a

That's well, that's a little I mean you weren't you went over the fuck. Yeah, you know have the crowd side now Listen, it wasn't the most thought out, but it was the first thing that came out Side now listen it wasn't the most thought out, but it was the first thing that came out That's the only thing you know and let me tell you something it it after that you know sentence goes out Nobody's handing you fucking babies after that I'm actually handing you my baby you Jewator right? Nobody had to get up. I'm gonna stick the flight like they fucking good his eyes popped out of his head wow his wife like let out his girl Straighten and they just shut the fuck up sat down and say

I'm either side of you awkwardly. Yeah, I threw out three great quips and nobody laughed at anything Did you curl straight? Let's know now, man Are you eating the brownie again? Yeah, I know he is. Are you eating a nut? In fact, it took two people to make brownie happen. He's not shing. I'm savoring. I look There's nothing worse than when you see an acidic Jew family. Yeah, and you know what I just found out? I didn't know that the women were war wigs. Yeah, wigs. I thought they just had a really beautiful hair Yeah, no, like Wendy William bought it. They all have wigs on I thought they just had a really beautiful hair. Yeah, no like Wendy William bought it

They all have wigs on yeah, unfuck and believe it They fucked through a sheet in Montreal. Yeah, what what she could a hole in the sheet? They cut a hole in the sheet Yeah, and you put these dick through the hole in the Shaggy why is that because you don't want to fuck up your mind later with thoughts of nudity and stuff like that So you don't get the later you just think you fucked a ghost the mitzvah the fucking good deed is Copy it. It's not for pleasure. It's just yeah, the baby Yeah, so really some people that's the sort of the rumor and I think it's semi true Do you know my mom truly like truly was anti-Semitic? What do you mean truly like hated you?

Yeah, we know we get it from you. I could tell by the swastika tattoo I could tell by the Swastika tattoo. Yeah. I could tell by your name. Swastika. Did she really do? I could tell by your middle name. Ju Hater. Ju Hater, right? It's Ju Hater. Go. It's a Hater. No, it's real specific. Third. Dude, when I learned how to drive, Ju H hated the third. There was Route 59 where it went from Spring Valley, which is all black, and the Muncie,

which is literally the highest, the most, Ed Soda, the most acidic Jews out of any place in the entire world. And when my mom was teaching me to drive, she was like, when you go out there, spring valley, lock your doors. It's just like when you drive through Muncie, watch out because the Jews will push their baby carriages

in front of your car so they can sue you. No. We stopped doing that year. She told me that, dude. She let me in on your little secret. That's not a secret. Everyone knows that. It's out there. Yeah. Soot her. Another way, buddy. Go behind me. Yeah. Come sit on this fucking, in this third mic of this two-seat couch Take those pillows out of there put them behind you put them behind you comfort Yeah, that actually does give a lot more room Let's not press pause

We don't press pause only when people get in fucking stone So do you miss it? We it's a's a high podcast everyone got high except for Bobby They went downstairs Really yeah, not here though. Yeah, not anyone knew here, but went to the East Village You guys went inside grunnitch comedy club. Yeah No, these village. Hey, who are you? Where are you from? Are you eating that brownie again? Hey, who are you from?

Also in the expressions. What the fuck? It's like a wood chipper over there with these fucking brownies. How dare you? You won't stop. I've had half a brownie. But it's been a half an hour. Look, it's a bite-sized brownie.

I'm all breaking. You're a foodie? Why, because you're from Brooklyn? Uh, yeah. That's what. We're talking about how we hate Hasidic Jews on a planet. Oh, worst.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, let us finish on planes. Oh, yeah. Not in general. What, yeah. Jesus, yeah. Jesus Christ. Let me finish. We just hate them in the air. On the ground, we love them.

Especially the Jamaican one. Oh, my mom is Jamaican. Jamaican Jewel. Jamaican Jewel. And it's gross. Everybody's stowed except for me. And me. Yeah, wow, yeah, me and you, but you can't really tell.

I can smoke in here. Bobby's totally cool with it. Like smoking the sign your name on this table. Yeah, but don't sign just your name. Write a note or a poem. Maybe a poem. Actually, write a premise that you're thinking about. I was just on the train.

I got some cooking around. It was just good. I liked this vibe, but let's just pick out this. Guys, is anyone doing something about, actually came by to deliver an envelope to the boss? Okay, what is that? I'm an earner. That's from Maurice in Sacramento.

Maurice? No, Maurice. Maurice. Maurice. Is it a girl or guy? It's a dude. It's a couple of seconds. It's not it. It's not it There's a mohries his name is names Maurice one of the nicest guys

I just realized Fuck is here as a pug on a shirt All right, so this guy is donated something to the show. Yeah, his name is Maurice met him in Sacramento really incredible guy We're the odds of it's one way. God It's a picture of him drinking off in Kelly. I'm an earner. I'm an earner. What it now you went out now Who's a member of the podcast you? Joe Liss Kelly. Yeah me Lewis is Lewis What I said yes, don't look at me

I was saying what the Kelly can I say something I actually got from a cop It's a really nice guy. He sent us a bunch of t-shirts and it said one for Kelly one for you one for Dan one for list And there's an actual in there if you want to give it to anybody maybe Lewis It's maybe Lewis that's his position. I want to say thank you to the guy who gave me the UFC doll. Yeah, check Go ahead. What's his name? She didn't give me his name. I did oh my god. I love it. I love so money. What's his name? Shoot him. Shoot him. Give me his name. I did. Oh my god. I love it. There's actually ones in here.

I love these. Good dude. Thanks for providing countless hours of free entertainment. I didn't donate a whole lot, but I hope this few bucks can provide something. Maybe some healthy snacks for your studio or a cab ride. Thank you, Robert Kelly, Dan Soda soda Kelly for stuka joe list whose album I recently purchased Lewis jay Gomez and the other guest of the YK that's you guys today oh my god he mentioned that yeah she said thank you I know you have single I'm gonna give you a dollar I'm gonna give you a dollar all right I'm

gonna give a high respectably decline you didn't take the money at my show. I won't take that dollar. I didn't take it. I collect for the YKWD. But that's the way we do it. I give it to the boss. That's the way we do in Brooklyn, so you're gonna have to get it in. Well, the old Mastasio podcasts like us, we kick up stairs and we wait for them to have

a sit down where they give us our cut. All right, Lizard. And if any of you, I'm a good soldier. If any of you would come to Sacramento for a gig, I would cancel whatever other shit I have going on and be there. Reese from Sacramento. Great dude.

Here we go, ready? Let's go, ready? 10. 20. Take a look at the tote board, everybody. 30. 40. 41. 20 take a look at the tote board everybody 30 40 41

42 42 the number of Ronnie lot the greatest football player of all time That was Kelly for Suca's age That's what she'll never be able to do on stage 42 minutes That was better Thank you very much Reese. That's unbelievable you'll never be able to do on stage 42 minutes That was better Thank you very much Reese that's unbelievable and also thanks to memo and Sergio can memo. Yeah Give me a weed pipe. They did I thought you'd quit weed no just boost not anymore. He was trying to

He was so I want to make a yeah, I want to think memo for ruining my life and now I'm just addicted to drugs again How was weed? I'm still smoke weed the whole time I've not been drinking really yeah, okay, let me know that works out So there was one of the only two I had a mushroom showing Montreal and all the comics pushed out except soda and me and it hit Halfway through the street really. Yeah, what happened there was a noise and a light went off And I was telling a story and then I just blanked and I was just staring at the light and then I was like, ah! I'm back.

What happened? Mushrooms are the best. What happened? Mushrooms. Mushrooms. Mushrooms. Mushrooms have to be washed in the sun. They weren't around.

I was doing drugs and drinking in the 80s. But they weren't big men. Mask and weed and That's real deal shit and angel dust and all that shit and coach Coquas a big thing Bobby's doing dust getting the fights with six cops at a time Well, they just flipping cars don't put the fucking cops on me dad. I'm freaking out. I call him dusty Robert Don't do Bobby. I'm just the bomb

I'm just the Bobby. I'm just the Bobby. I'm just the Bobby. I'm just the do angel just with that fire. Yeah, that deserves $10. Yeah, I'm gonna get my cart. I am a good soldier. That's a $10 joke right there. That made me laugh.

Duck the Bobby made me laugh. Just the Bobby. Can Kelly work it? What do you got still? Look how fucking Stoned right Kelly's gonna have to give a hand job to get a 10 Again Too far too far the mic's are on

Not fun We all referencing a time that she really did and realized Yeah, this is the weed episode Oh, we did jerk off episode Oh, you didn't do it, you were in here for the jerk off episode. We did an episode called soggy cookie Oh my god, remember that we did do that You know what I said to eat it. Did you know I lost? Okay, cookie it was on the show scoop it you did it on this show. Oh, that's the episode we're talking about you fucking home

I episode You spaced out or think of something halfway through what they were talking about That was it. Do you space that room, think of something halfway through what they were talking about? Like, what was your thought? No, I really did play Oki-Kooky. And I lost when I was in like, I explained what Oki-Kooky is. It's where I get, can you just get some cookies? Get close.

What we do is you take a cookie and then you put it in the center of the room and then all the guys jerk off on the cookie. Whoever comes along. First of all, stop. Right there, all the gags. on the cookie whoever comes the last stop right there all the gig so just so do it list whoever can actually give me that I want that $10 back because of his job I flew this money across the country I flew this money across the country. He had a good stock already.

$10 bucks back. Wait, you pick up money for... I'm an earner, Nick. I go out and get Honville Hoaps, they're comedy. Wait, can you please... Can you please let Nick work out the sentence? Yeah. Do you go to different cities that people tell you

to give Bobby money? Yeah. And then you just do it? Yeah, because I'm a good soldier. That's the first time that's ever happened. I know. Oh, okay. Shot off. He does it's ever happened. I know. Oh, okay. Shut up.

He does it all the time. I would love it, Shadda. You had your booth and you had your CDs and your T-shirts. And they come up and be like, hey, here's a bunch of money. Can you give this to Bobby? I want anything. Goodbye. Fuck your CD.

No, no, take one of these. Not I'm good. Just take it. I'm really pleased. Please buy a cater fight, T-shirt. Who the fuck uses CDs? Well, anyways. I, I, I, I, I, well, Bob Kelly just had to bring, I should give that back to you, son. by a catered by t-shirt who the fuck who the fuck uses CDs well anyways well bob keller who said to bring you to give that back to you son Jesus Christ

stoppage band there my fucking my eye almost fucking fell out of my head so go ahead tell him about oaky cookie ha I'm not we should work faggot anymore by the way I'm done with the words The MTS they made it down with it the rest of the world did that 10 years ago But thanks for I don't I don't follow the path of the rest of the world. I used to No, I just What the fuck is that? Oh, no, oh my god. Let meadin'. Oh no. Oh my god. And let me tell you something. Oh god, if you guys got caught.

Okay, I'm making it to right now. We all blame it on Bobby. And no, no, no, no, no. Blaming on Kelly, she'll get deported. We never have to. Yeah! Never had to wait for that in a Kelly. He's deported.

Kelly, he's deported. Kelly, he's deported. Kelly, he's deported. Louisel, Louisel, step up. That's her boat leaving the port. Hi, Kelly. I got a gun back to Australia. Louisel step up That's her boat leaving the port My meat and Jesus Kelly's kind of chunk. Okay, she got fat again old lopsided titties for stew

Okay, she got fat again. Old lopsided titties for stew- Ah! Stroke titties for stew- One tittied bigger than the other one. It's like I'm older brother and a little brother, taken after each other. Like if two rivers if one's stuck. Yeah, one river got done damned up.

Damed up by them damned fine years. By the factories. Should we leave? Yeah, me and Bobby are gonna make it out. Anyway, so yeah, you jerk off on a cookie. And whoever can't come has to eat the cookie. Yeah. So whoever comes last. So your reward for being heterosexual is eating a bunch of gum.

No, not a cookie. It's not a cookie. So your reward for being able to come while watching a bunch of other guys try to come. Yeah, if you didn't come fast enough, you're a big pussy. No, you're not. That's not the wrong. He's supposed to come fast. Well, no, I could read it off. You can't read it off.

You're in the mic, Nick. And the mic. Oh, my God. Sorry, I was just really mad. He just really got mad and treated us like an audience. Sorry, God. Wow, what a great audience. Yeah, we're really got mad treated us like an audience Yeah, we're not in Brooklyn talking to the mic So so you you're in a circle is me and it was me and two other dudes. Yeah, you two other guys

What led up to this though I didn't even circle with three guys So so you're so it's you so you're three guys who comes up with the idea that who goes who goes guys I know what you do we already jerked off together a bunch. Oh, what? Stop I'm slowly realizing that What so I'm sorry wait stop. I'm slowly realizing that He ain't come. Yeah, no. I thought this was a joke the whole time. No, I didn't need come Cookies that have come on it. I ate a cookie He's the fend it a guy who made a video of a guy a I didn't eat it No, I didn't I'm telling you I refuse to eat it and I was bigger than my friends wait It's okay. Make me wait your coward about it

I wouched you know why would he to come because I don't want to eat come I thought I'd be able to come first What if he had it come you saw my reaction? No, I would say it. I'm a real. I see it. Are you fucking kidding me bro? Did you eat the come no? Did you did you have a come? Why won't you? I told you I taste my own come one Taste it own come one tasted it I eat it well you know I want did you eat did you eat it or taste it I Tasted my own come did you swallow a load not on the cookie? Did you swallow a load like swallow a nice chunk? Did you have some or did you just stand sick this morning? So you come in a cookie you waste a perfectly good cookie. Yeah, what was actually a piece of chocolate like a Valentine's day What now it's not so gay It was romantic. Yeah exactly. Was it on Valentine's day?

From how far away did they have to shoot it onto the cookie? Here's what we did pretty good. We couldn't nobody can get it up. I'll be we're all like I'm coming We'd all go to the corner of the room and like jerk off with magazines. Yeah, right. And then when we were about to come, smart one over and then shoot it under the cookie. This is like the gayest double-dare shower ever.

So when you came, you would run to the center of the room so everybody could watch it. Yeah. Guys, I'm going to sp- Oh! The green slime would splatter down on my head. I have the damn little goggles. What happened?

OK, so nobody ate the cookie. The nose would fly. Nobody ate the cookie. Those were flat. Nobody ate the cookie. And then there's a cookie, a piece of chocolate, in the middle of a table with Kamala. Kamala. Who cleaned that up? Who let, what'd you do with that?

That's actually a good question. I have no idea. I don't remember. So you said it was you Dave Smith, J.O.K.S. Who else was that? No, we've done some gay or shit. Justin Silver. What, what, you've done gay or shit? They have done some extremely gay shit. Just some fucking Justin Silva. What, what, what, you've done gay or shit?

They have done some extremely gay shit. To be funny. Yeah. Yeah. What's the funniest thing you guys have done? That's what my child molested. I was just, I was just getting around. I was just getting in the ass.

It was hilarious. Have you ever hooked up with a fat chick just to be funny? Yeah, no. Yeah. I hooked up with a fat show to get good head. Dude, I made out with it. I made out with it. And a steak and cheese and not feel guilty.

Yeah. I made out with a 92 year old woman after a comedy show just to be hilarious. There's nothing worse than hooking up with a chick who's smoking hot. And then you're hungry after and you're like, you're hungry and they're like, no, I'm good. I'm not saying that.

Ninety? Yeah, it's like, ugh. I just gotta sit there and pretend I'm not hungry too. Look at what the fat chick is. There's just two fatsoes with a steak and cheese. The little fat legs dangling off a king size bed in the sweet. And then boot the bitch out halfway through. All right, look at oddly misogynistic.

Yeah, wait, after you finish your sandwich, you kick her out so you can finish hers. We're going to go through fatso. You had about half of that. You should leave. Yeah, you prove that. You had about half of it. You should leave. Yeah, you're done. Don't start the second half. There's no reason to start the second half. Listen, I hear your sinuses from here, Fatsy.

Get out of here. Fatsy, that's all cute. Fatsy Klein. I like a Fatsy girl. You like Fats girls? I just got into a little bit of like curvy girls. But no, I like that. Big bodied. yeah, Viking queens.

I have been into fat girls, but I'm making a little more money now. I like fat girls. I just don't like when they're when their inner thighs have been rubbing together since junior high. And it's like black. Oh yeah, like a darker skin. I like voluptuous.

I like proportionate fat chicks to me. Smooth fat. Oh my god Portion like nice titties and nice thing everything's kind of the same fat all the way down Kelly what a fat chick's like Mom fat great Brownies for you It's like he doesn't look into Amira. Oh, yeah great point. Yeah, you are the fact you have been skinnier

You are a fatter than you are a fat chick Yeah, you are you and your former professional wrestler body You know she goes was will be down at the Emporium and patch ugly on island I'm giving out a chest or a arthur you an out of Chester A. Arthur Middle School sign of the autographs in the hallway. $10 you get a glossy in my autograph. Yeah, $10 you get a Polaroid with you and Jimmy Superfly set it up.

Yeah, I did like about like six, seven shows with the iron cheek. Oh, I just roasted them like a month ago. It is sad. Yeah, wait until you gotta be on the road with the fucking guy and he's in the same it is sad. Yeah. Wait till he got to be on the road with the fucking guy and he's in the same hotel as you. And he's fucking, you wanna, he's drunk.

He screams, he's screaming, he has his manager, calling him a fact through the entire lobby of the hotel and smacking him in the face. Like doing this whole fucking thing and you walk in, I literally just get off the flight, get to the hotel and he's there in the lobby and he go shooly baby you have medicine love getting high

wait a minute says manager still mr. Fruji? no no no no I heard his manager is Dave Rath no no Dave Rath the same size as him but the coolest thing about it was we would we would sit there and ask him all kinds of wrestling questions when we were fans We were kids. Yeah, and he was he was a fucking it was like going back in a time machine with this fucking guy in the stories and The amount of booze this guy could fucking drink

He pisses pants on all night. Yeah, yeah On the right he really does Dude you know squirtin his jeans Reg all the right that's what you know know you stone you know if you can't officially it's the word regular ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, he's gay right and I go really and he goes number one Patterson Pat Patterson Big Pecker checker. I like how we talk to people talk shit online He goes hoko go and you are pussy motherfucker. I fuck you when they ask to humble you. He's always talking about Fuck you very humble. It's for your own good

Yeah, I humble you I remember I was talking to one of the Arab cooks down here And he goes let me tell you something in my country if you gay you faggot We we throw rocks at you until you feel better And then if that don't work we fuck you in the ass That's what they become gay to combat it. Yeah, let's just not do the rock spot Can we just skip to the butt fuck? Are you gay? Oh, I'm gonna fuck you take a couple rocks you go take a bunch of rocks nope still there Just making me harder yeah, Lewis if you're I just no no, I don't want you to stop

Get off the phone my phone with happened was already kept on fucking trying to do the password So it locked it and then somebody else calls me if I don't do the emergency thing, dude, I can't fucking answer it. I tried to unlock it. I knew that would happen. I knew that would happen if you just keep trying and pressing a thing that wouldn't right. Dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, her mother not you your mother your fourth of a dog dead is she yes her mom's dead your kids mom is dead why would you guys bring it or you don't be spread how'd you do it why would you bring a kid and kill herself when she found her baby with you as your headphones on I believe it

why let me ask you question shit dick why would you bring a kid into a life of death what is no grandparents there's grandparents, there's no presents, there's nothing as you and her, that's it. There's nothing wrong with that, Bobby. Ah, so some of us only had one grandparent, still do. Yeah, well, I just don't... Some of us haven't had any grandparents for decades. They're in Jamaica, you just don't know who they are.

Some of us are not allowed to see them. Some of us don't have everybody alive, so... Is your mom really dead? Yeah, my mom died. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them.

I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them.

I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed to see them. I'm not allowed Go visit them in July correct answers families with a loved ones are I liked it I did too so yeah, and that's where families at you're moving L.A. Move in L.A. When? We're leaving the last we're leaving New York the last week of July. Are you scared?

No, you get it's voice over word as you question. You're coming here from L.A. Why did you why did you come here? Stand up, mix it up. Just to mix it up. New stages. Were you done with LA? Well, I'd been there a while, same apartment too. Really? Yeah, but I haven't wanted to come here for a while,

but finally, I just like, I don't know. I haven't even wanted to go to a place here right now. Right. So what's that? Are you excited? Are you loving it? Yeah, so far, I still got to get into all the clubs. You still have to do that? You've been here like three weeks.

I've been here a week and two days. And I went away for three days. I know. I do it, man. I'm fucking dreading talking to people who don't... Just go, like, well, here's how it works around here. We'd like you to work here for a couple days a week. Hey, you have a partner. Hey, down that area yet.

I just dreading it's gonna happen. I do it in LA with your comments. Nobody's gonna do that to you. They know you, dude. Everybody's gonna do that to you. They know you, dude. Everybody knows who you are. Kinda. No, not really.

Listen. Yeah, but here's a good, I mean, people, the seller is gonna take a minute. You're gonna get past once, I introduced your big J. Everybody's gonna introduce you. You're gonna get in. And then the other clubs you'll get in, you work a few clubs and you go to the stand, using already. Yeah, stand and then you're gonna get in and then and then the other clubs you'll get in you work a few clubs

And you go to the stand hat using already. Yeah, stand and great club both in Nick put you on his show, right? Yeah, man, June 14th. Sorry, did I just I know Now I'd love to have you. I don't think he's I don't think he's worried about breaking into my monthly show Hall so much as he is club. It's's possible I'm here and doing more things. I don't know, let me check. I don't know that, that's so good. It's June 9th, I'm on it.

Would you, let me ask you questions. Wait, June 9th? June 9th. I think so. He tried to give it the wrong day. He tried to give it the wrong day. He tried to give it the wrong day. He was gonna give it the wrong.

Oh yeah, it's in Staten Island. The next one we're doing is September. Yeah, actually I think we're gonna take a break for a while. I don't know if something's gonna come together last night. Do you have a video tape? There you go. Email me, Lee. Actually Nick, it is June.

Fifth. No. None of those things. I'll have Rebecca Trentina. 19 touch with you. It's the 19. Well, we'll talk later about this. I love Rebecca.

I'm so sorry. I'm a big fan of her. She's a big fan. She's the best. Off-Broadway director. nineteen nineteen so i will talk later about it i love the back of the uh... the center i'm a big fact off-roadway director well she's did she directed at the time that she's calling for you to direct a colloquine's new on on constitutional and i want to see it last week on opening night and it was fucking brilliant

i have a fact that he made the constitution funny because you imagine that assignment right here make the constitution fun every go fuck yourself he just gave it to himself and it's i'm not i'm not i'm not talking you know sometimes plays can be funny this shit's hilarious like a stand-up set i mean you're i was laughing fucking hysterically not just me i mean all you look around in all these uh... khaki mother fuckers and suits and ties and white people with fucking fucking hysterically. And not just me. I mean, you look around at all these khaki motherfuckers and suits and ties

and white people with fucking, you know, the, and there was a whole array of people at this thing. And he, well, he was killing, killing, annihilating. It was unbelievable. Some of the funniest shit ever. And, and you, the stuff that you think about, I mean, the fact that you have never read the, the constitution, and it's like four pages long,

I just assume that I know my rights. I know nothing about it. I don't want to complain. That's some constitutional with these people who are doing it. I'm like, when did you suddenly fucking learn it? You know, nobody knows. No, nobody knows.

I got the M thing about it. It's just the word constitutional sounds awesome when you say it with rage. But your dress is all that shit. And he talks about it just like, they just got fucking hammered for four months. I just read it. Yeah, you guys, you locked yourselves in a room rage that but he addresses all that shit and he talks about it just like I was just they just got fucking hammered for four months. Yeah, you guys locked themselves in a room and you could go shit face. No girls allowed. Yeah, no girls. But you gotta go check it out

and she directed it, which was amazing. That's cool. I think Dan Soto can make the constitution funny. Give the constitution like a black black lady voice I'll think about maybe uh... maybe there's something in the works you should actually do the voices for calling the people Collins voices is Indian voice and all those voices are the same guy it's like yeah the you know the Indians came over and was like what's going on with you guys

hey folks uh... you know the people didn't you know they don't really like the like you to win hey thanks for the blanket. Hey, what's going on? Come on, come on, come on. He's fine. Hey, he's fine. Oh, fuck it.

Fucking goddamn, oh, god damn, fuck it. Oh, fuck it, fuck it. I'm excited to see it though. I'm going to go see it next week. Yeah, it's unfuckable. It's in the Barra Street theater, unbelievable. And it just, I want to do a one-man show so bad My life is a dead

I saw I see florentines. I'm gonna go see lists next time it plays Thursday Next time The one that's not scheduled yet. Not this one. Absent 10 day when you're doing your show next. I'm doing what Ari does your show at Union. I'm going to go. You go watch Joe.

I'm sitting dead. Joe, he's just going to look on the audience. Is it empty state that's probably Kelly on it? Yeah. What boy? It's just Joe's going to be like, that's not the one. Is he mad at me? May I hold on?

Joe's just sitting on a street corner with a big number one foam finger waiting for Bobby. What is Joe's about about by the way? Is it so about what you sorry? Love in the time of herpes. No, he just loves being here. Thank you. All right. You sorry I'm just reading his fucking thing again Reading what he wrote that's all I know about it. That would have been great if I'm like, actually that's an incredibly accurate description. It's about being in the moment.

Dude, I never thought of that way. Comment they're usually really bad at one man chose. Well, Florence Tins was good. I liked it and at the end of it really, I got emotional man, I teared up at the end of it. It was very, very, very fucking sad. And it comes out of nowhere. It goes through all this stuff

and it's very cool and whimsical and funny and he has this great, this stuff, and saying stuff about a wrestler guy. No, yeah. Fucking molestation. Legendary story. It's just hilarious. And he has all these, you know,

he was a big wrestling fan and this guy would take him as a friend of the wrestling matches but they'd have to sit on his lap And they gave him wrestling he would give them cards like really pictures he would take pictures of the wrestlers But they'd have to like what be it have to do stuff for the pictures like and he'd be like Oh, that's a but that's a really good under the giant. So you know, it's kind of worth it all right That's when wrestling was in his prime.

Yeah, I'm gonna molest it over it. Yeah, you don't see that. What's chief strong, though? Like, I want you suck this bit. Yeah, what a kids get molested for now. iPhones, mostly. Oh, what do you mean? I thought you would have what? What are the kids?

What am I using his base? It was, there was a radio team. There was never a reason people were less than kids, was there? Well, I mean, we're gratification. Yeah. They were honours mostly. What were they using? What were they using?

To lure them. To lure them. Like, I know a guy from Boston was using Sony PlayStation when the first came out. I can see that. That's an expensive habit. Do you know that guy? I know, man. Can I buy a new PlayStation every time you know?

Why do you know? Do you know what? Do I know man. Can I buy a new PlayStation every time you know? You know, is he out of it? No way you need one But a second dick I still make one. I'll suck a dick for a connect What's that got what's happening to him now? Is he a jail? He was you know? I'm gonna go you don't you don't you don't go away forever for you know, yeah, I'm touching a kid just enough to cool off Let the neighborhood forget a little bit I don't know let's let your gene ripping spree go under the carpet for a room yeah I I remember they had the the

app the offender app where you could find out yeah in your neighborhood how far unsettling I'm a molester was what neighborhood you live in but you could you'd actually read his rap sheet and it's just it's fucking you see the mug shot of this guy that lives three doors down for you trading corp. Yeah yeah this guy's got fucking six dittles it was like the it was three years it was at ten it was actually the 10 all right shut up for God soda you just fucking yap over everybody I know you do on excite yourself It's uh It's yeah, it was a terrible it's almost a fucked up app ever it was the yelp of of child molestation like you could you

What if they did it they did it to reverse with little kids? No, I've passed this guy. He's actually not that creepy looking person. Tuesday in the park, a guy approached me. Didn't find him aggressive enough. He doesn't have the beard anymore, by the way. And the tattoo is gone. It's an old picture. Is that the worst app ever? Is the hot kid's app that they...

What way? What were are molested What's going on? Oh you go to the bathroom. Have you guys heard about this app? Hold on let me find them. Make sure I get the name right doctor. No, it's where you go to your Facebook friends and you say it's like friends I want a bang and you just click want a bang or don't want a bang I know your Facebook friends and then they don't see it and they do the same thing. And you guys gotta match like, hey, the two of you apparently want to bang each other. Wait, what?

You know what's sad about that? I'll go through that whole thing and I'll get no nothing. And then I'll just be like, you gotta be shit, man. You're gonna 5,000 people. Nobody, not even my wife, person. You get a plumber, it's like newer. First of all, every dude just goes,

across the board and clicks everybody and then waits for somebody to try to bang. How does it go? No, because then waits for somebody to try to bet. How does it go? No, because then you have to deal with it. If it's some fat girl, if it's some horrible old lady and she's cooked on you, then you have to deal with that. Facebook is like an abacus. Is that Tinder? It's not Tinder.

Tinder's closed, but they don't tell you if you're on a bank. So every time you talk to on a Twitter, on Tinder going like, hey, what's up? You want to come over? They're like, ew. What's Tinder? It just shows you you've raised somebody based on like that picture Don't like that picture. Yeah, it's the straight-man's grinder But really no it was trying to be that but no response. I just want to fuck if you ever do those eyebrows to me again

So do again. I'm gonna suck your cock What I speaking of real life in back to cock yeah, and it was delicious now what happened? I hit on a girl in the B train today and got D-Made what happened the B? Come here. You're gonna go up there at least the F train I know bang with friends. That's what it's called Nick. You're right bang with friends. Yeah, doesn't happen They took the app down so you gotta go to the website wait, I was not blessed. I just drank two beers. Okay You have to shoot up a thing that's attached to your stomach. No, man. I just paid. Okay. I just paid in the like a mountain What did wait a minute you hit on a girl on the train and what happened? Assar if you want to get coffee

Wait a minute. I want to know this. What was this? What must you're sitting on the Biggest What point did you tell her about your special listen to me? He has it on an iPad. He plays it in front of his face Let's go. Mm-hmm. There's on a subway. There's on a subway or okay, subway Yeah, so you're on the subway. You see a hot chick. You sit next to her. Do you go move next to her? After now that I'm replaying it in my head it was completely my fault. I what happened? What happened? So I got on the downtown B train at Columbus Circle. Yeah, very cute girl What you look like she blonde hair naturally pretty

She's she's got a nine-year-old. How was it? Juicy She's got like a nine-year-old kid with her First of all that's not a red flag, but she was young enough that you're like that's different other kids She's it's a babysitter. You're thinking through some and I'm not yeah Let's get that kid out of those bunchy shorts. What if she was fucking them? No, good for him. Okay. And so we do like the eye contact thing a couple times, smile. You know, did you ever consider the eye contact? I was like, oh my god, this creep's looking at me. I think

it was. Okay, go ahead. Wait, that's and you went for it? Well, no, because we were smiling at each other. And then I was reading the paper. paper and she was like saying can I see your smile? God, oh my wait a second hang on one second. I want that wait a second. Do you smile first? Yeah, okay, so she's sitting there with a nine year old trying to protect this kid She's trying to watch this kid then you get on to watch this kid. Then you get on with cacky pants, you have a huge head, and you're little forearms. And you get on, show me the smile you give her. You gotta do it, you gotta do it.

He's gonna fight you like you shorts. Here we go, ready? I'm low to anyone I stand. Yeah, you're in Dutch shorts. Let me do this, yeah. That's your smile? With the eyebrow. Who's like this?

Oh no, you think that's cuteness now. I see you went over, you waked. You need some more work in the mirror. Oh no you think that's cute. It's now And so you went over you like you know more work in the mirror it gets way worse. All right, so good So I'll ring the paper and she's like being funny and then you We mean funny. What do you mean being funny? Like a kid was saying weird shit like what she was talking I don't really remember he's like to cutie stuff and she put your benefit. You're thinking you think she's saying it Outer she's like hang on because you I wish you had a seven inch car I wish she was on sugar. I'm saying mr. Adidas. I'm so desperate for a deep dick and right now Who likes titties?

Who likes big? Hi, go ahead so then we did the smile and then I'm like I I think man, ask this girl out like I just think that that's the voice in your head So at West Forest Street she gets up. Oh fuck this is embarrassing. She gets up to get off the train and I go hey Would you like to get coffee? Introduction, oh wait a minute. She was just walking past you. Yeah, I would you like to stop stop. She has to leave first of all She's getting off on the train at West 4th, and you scream on a train No, she was like walking by me waiting for the train. How loud did you say it? I go, hey, excuse me Would you like to get coffee sometime? Oh God. Yeah, did you have a name yet? No, okay, so you say hi?

You gotta say hi. No. No. You got to say hi, probably. Maybe hi. I'm Dan and you leave from there. Oh, listen, all your guys' hindsight's 2020 right now. I think she's already sold on you. You're just going to say it. No, I was like, oh, I'm upfront. Yeah. If you want. She's impressed. I'm reading a newspaper. The Metro. Yeah, you guys are upside down. Every, you give every romcom fucking stereotypical date. You want to get coffee? No, I don't know what to say. He came, he came back from hiding behind his newspaper like Mr. Furley. Staring at her. Going back up. You had eyes cut out in the newspaper.

And then I got worse. Really? So she's walking by, she has the kids. This kid's nine, too, so he knows you're a douche. He's watching me. He watched me tank. Did you touch her? No.

Did you grab her by the elbow and go, hey, I'm talking to you. Hey, lady. Did you get in, grab it? What the fuck in respect? So you're just fucking ruined the steak. Yeah, you're the fake super best. Spread it out. So you say you want to get covered sometime?

What does she say? Oh fuck, I don't want to relive this. Come on, you know what I'm supposed to say. There's a child right here. Get away from us. I'm gonna be you. Okay, I'm gonna be you, you be her. All righty.

All right, so you know what you be Lewis be the be the bell that knows it We'll come it up to this okay, right? Very good Hey, you want any coffee sometime? I'm getting off. I'm getting off actually right here at this station me too No, I didn't say that what you say I just did it Me too. No, I didn't say that. I just did it So you now you're following God I would have missed my stop I would I would not it I would have I would have moved to LA You said some else

You didn't fucking pull the cord you started hitting on the nine-year-old You started messing around with them to try to prove the air cool guy. Oh, hey, do you like toys? Please tell me please tell me you gave her one of your credits that she doesn't know because she's not 12 I Know what after you standing in the middle of the second? I'm standing here! Did you just wait for a girl? Did you go like this? Hey, do you watch MTV 2? No.

Oh, George, what'd you do? I asked her. Did you go to TV? Oh, you said real? Let's go out, got some coffee. I go. Maybe you didn't hear me, lady. I said, let's go out got some coffee I go maybe you didn't hear me lady I said let's go get some fucking coffee. I don't accept no I met with me. I

Grabbed by the shirt when I I will not be ignored woman You told this kid his first light lesson You told this kid his first light lesson. It's a bear smile from the first bullet. Did you grab the kid? I'm gonna get worse. Danny, where did you dig it? Did you grab the kid by the hair and go, Kant?

I wish. So you put it in a sleeper home. Yeah, she didn't, her arm dropped twice. I can't believe none of us have guessed it. Yeah. So I'm like, I was talking to the kid. Yeah, not a lady but out. I'm talking to your, I'm talking to a sweet piece of ass. He's adorable. I just like do a style like for real

I think you miss an ounce I'm good here. I wish I would have that sounds great Did you ever see that citizen bank commercial where the two people were on the train? I kind of got that vibe from us So, so okay, so here's a deal. Here's a deal. Let me let me I want to get this You're on how many stops you together on the train by the way to from Columbus Circle to West four Columbus Circle to West Forest. That's a long time. Just smiling Are you are you on the effort are you on the express B? Okay, so there's like three stops. Yeah, okay Like rock well center. So you get now you get off. Yeah, I wasn't supposed to get off. Okay. Oh you were just being Oh, wait wait wait wait wait wait wait that was your old stuff

No, I grabbed my backpack and got off So yeah, she left you just stood there. Yeah, it's wait Hang on hang on I need to back up so you get off you ask her she walks by you. She doesn't say anything I go hey would you get coffee sometime on the train? Yeah, no she says I'm getting off I'm actually getting off of the stop right now and I go oh and then I grab my back back I gave you an in saying I would want it you're in your mind. She was saying I want to do this But I really have to leave the pain so I don't have yeah, but in her mind she fucked up and picked the wrong excuse She picked up and you can actually get off. Yeah, you know, it's funny. It actually wasn't her stop either

She just got off the journey get away from you Yeah, I believe both standing waiting for the next track. She goes, I got, she's like, are you gonna go? I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I You didn't think she knew you were yet believe me you have my attention She's aware of your presence like a stalker, but a tourist No, he's a very he's a polite stalker. Yeah, excuse me. Oh, so you say excuse me again. You go what I go? I don't know if you have a boyfriend, but oh So you say excuse me again and you go what I don't know if you have a boyfriend, but which oh Would you go to your coffee sometime and then She said yes, I just got out of a relationship, but it was nice to meet you

And then walked up the steps and I stood there with you look up a skirt Now I just slunk away and defeat so she just got out of a relationship and she just, she's just laughing. You stood there, what did you do to your laugh? Yeah, laughed immediately. Just laughing to yourself. Oh my God. So now you, now she turned around and looked at you, saw you cracking up. Yeah.

So she thinks you're definitely, she made the right choice. Yeah, she thinks you're a psycho. Any part of you thinks she regret saying that. She was cut off guard and now she's wishing. Yeah, that's the guy in the half hour. Now she's on another podcast. Yeah. She's doing this. I

get that romantic comedy. She turned around to actually come and let you know like, you know, maybe I will get the couple of coffee but you're not likely laughing. And I had the rolled up newspaper banging it against my head. Yeah, and you're doing your voices. It's such a bad giant. She was like, uh, yeah, you're saying no to me. I just tried to go up and I got through down. Yeah. She's like, oh, that's such an accurate macho man. She said that. She said, stop it.

You want anybody on the peanut? Hello, lady. I got this, I got this on coffee. There's a sea of the lady. Hello, lady. I got the I got this some coffee I love that all you guys got high around 39 minutes in and now it's I see you guys See you guys a try next next So tired are you gonna go? Thank God Your headphones are still on dummy No, I don't want to know who in those headphones is the ones I use most of this before you go Are you gonna listen to the rest of this? I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing.

I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing.

I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing.

I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing. I'm dumbing., I'm sorry. I'm gonna forget everything. You're wide-hipped asshole All right get out here goodbye Where you go sitting you see Dan? Hey, thanks for looking me man What are you doing?

When am I gonna start doing my new segment? Oh Real nice dude in the week real you know Lewis is real-ass dude. Yeah, I'm gonna be real nice dude. That's great I'm just gonna do it. Yeah, it's a new concept corporate fucking Dan back in business Dan. I'll call you in half an hour. We'll do it over Skype. Nope I'll see you later low Thanks coming to buy Give the kid a kiss All right, we're gonna wrap this up anyways. I'm kidding way killed by

This guy's gonna leave just keep just to just chill out until it's done? Play the cool play, Daddy's like a blind. He's like a bear. Just play dead. Yeah. He's more frightened of us. Yeah. Kelly, go make sure he's out.

You heard the door. Oh. Now go make sure he's, he's a Puerto Rican. You know how they work. He's probably hiding in a trash bag to rob this place later. It's like I saw they got iPhones man. So is that why you were up? I'm going to give me paid. we're like auditioning for his job?

Lewis is gone. One of you roommate Well, it's funny that Lewis was sitting in the chair and I have my tech talk my new tech dog banner up And it just his head was right where my hand goes It was flipping me out. It was almost like I was high Um, I love this cut out of you. It looks like you're leering. Like, oh, yeah, I'm sort of fricking stuck.

Like, that's from Jess Philaf's last year, right? 2012. Yeah, 2012. I couldn't go. So the syndicate and the laugh button, that's Lewis just left. Go make sure he's out of here. He's unbelievable.

All right, they cut that out and they brought it up there. Oh, wow. Are you going this year? No, you told me I have to take a year off. Fuck yeah, we don't know. Are you going Nick? I'm going. What are you doing? I'm doing some Canadian TV bullshit and just, you know, doing the rest of the stuff. Awesome. I'm going to be up there too. Yeah, it's fun. I did see a sit-up guy dropping off a fat black hooker. Really? Yeah, I'm right where a club soda is and that strip club that shows, yeah, like right across the street, the comic, the club soda side.

Oh, okay. I can't wait to go back on. I fucking love it. I'm doing, they just added the, you know what dude podcast. So we're doing one of these up there. So, Colin's doing it. If Nick you're around, it'd be great if you could do it. I think Big'm just gonna do it. So, Collins doing it, if Nick you're around, that'd be great if you could do it. I think Big J is gonna do it, because he's gonna be up there. That'd be the. And then I'm gonna do a one hour show,

two one hour shows, which is awesome, somewhere. I'm gonna give a fuck, because it's just good to be able to do an hour up there. I've never done an hour. And then I'm doing the nasty show, and then I'm doing some other show. I fucking love it up there. It sucks too though, my wife's not coming up.

She has the baby. Yeah, it's horrible. That sucks because I like when she's up there because we do stupid shit together. Oh yeah, that's great. I like walking around and didn't fucking old Montréal. As a new face, I was just like terrified. I wasn't hanging out.

I wasn't going into the city taking a trash phone as new faces. What do you do? What do I do? Rent bikes. I did the same thing. My my first trip there was Louis CK and DiPolo and a tell and I was I was all panicking and then Louis we just like they'll take a walk and we walked all around all around and it's just fucking beautiful awesome city They got a park that you can walk up to I got it at least hit this club. Oh, we went to super sex fuck fuck strip club super sex is good get them go to massage pop i don't like massage polish in the world are in montreal and it's hot smoking their tens really pick them off of computer screen

yeah pick them off a computer screen there's around six girls in there you go in a room they get naked they rub you down naked and then you go into jacuzzi you get the suck at a little titty you they'll kiss you a little bit make you feel like they like it and then they bring you the other room and they fucking crank it out you jizz all over yourself it's awesome eighty bucks yeah but that was how long I've been married six that was seven years ago hang on haha no but yeah that was a long time ago but yeah but it's the the the the the sex thing up there is awesome

Fuck us you know what I got mad when I was there girls that'll fuck you up there too. Yeah, this girl Yeah, well if me people there. Yeah, but if you want to do that shit. Yeah, but they'd like to fuck there Yeah, they do they do it. They're very sexual. Yeah, I get it. You only be here for a few days. Yeah, yeah, it's not a big deal Yeah, well, I'm a good girl friend So do you have anything like mini golf? Mount Royal? I have a wife. You know what you do? You bring your girl up? No. Oh, didn't get a hand job. All right then. Well the strip clubs that aggravated me because I was a big fan of yours. So by the way. She, oh cool. Is she a comic? If I'm on it,

I'm sure what? Is she a comic? No, no, no, no. She's not. Anyway, she, uh, they had the bandana and she comes over to me. She's like hello and she put the bandana down Like she didn't want to sit on the chair that I had to sit on like I'm sitting on the same fucking chair. Why you Growsed out you're showing your pussy for nickels and and now I'm I just bugged me. It's like go fuck yourself Yeah, bandana like she cares about getting what? No, I'm on her son or ass. I'm on her side. Why? Why? I don't I don't get strip club. I don't like them. I fucker. Hey, I'm casual nudity. You're around just regular dudes standing there So you can't really get lost in it. I don't go. I don't I've never had any money like extra money

Yeah, you gotta go there with like two thousand You gotta go to a two grand to do it well. Yeah, but you could go if you're a fucking pervert. If you're a coke, if you'll come to you. If you're real pervert, yes, seriously, throw part in your room and you'll get a blowjob by somebody or go on, go on Craigslist or whatever the fuck it is and literally 10 minute, a fight all a cab ride and a hundred bucks and someone's gonna slide you. Or just try to turn a regular girl. Sliding is.

You know what? Sliding is? No, sliding. Sliding is amazing. It's when you're backed out on bloopers. Now here's what you do. You go on the subway and you just creep out girls and then Hey, God's.

If you don't name it, backed out on louvers. I don't know what it's, it's, it's, it's lovers. It's based what would I say? Based it on lovers Yeah, I mean, I mean the sex up there is amazing, but also the girls up there are squares That will come over and give you like a nude massage where they rub their bodies all over you While they're massaging you.

And then, you know, you know, you're far on you. They're far on you. That's what you want. They're picking from that computer. What if you have a fetish about... They fart in your eye. Oh, I get you. Now, what if you have a fetish in French?

What if you have a fetish about being turned down by women in front of small boys? Stay here. Yeah, just keep catching a lot. Do that kid is going to grow up being like I saw the biggest loser around the same I was the same age as you in New York. I lived up on 97th Street when I live with burr up in the fucking you know Spanish Harlem. I took a train all the way from here at Astro Place, all the way up to 97th Street, and this girl, same shit. Energy. I was reading the Celestein prophecies,

which is, I don't know if you've ever read it, it talks about energy and how you have, everything has a life force, and I can send my orange beam of energy into another life force, and you'll feel me, and I can, I'm on the train sending my orange beam of energy into another life force and you'll feel me and I can I'm on the train sending my orange beam of energy to this girl and in my head I'm like if she if I go now I'm gonna get up at this next stop which is not my stop if she gets up when I get up

and then I'm gonna sit down if she sits down then she's feeling my orange beam of energy yeah I get up she gets up okay I'm's feeling my orange beam of energy. Yeah. I get up, she gets up. Okay. I'm like, oh my god, this shit works. Then I sit back down, right? As the door is open, I say, and she sits back down. Like this pitch is into me. My orange beam of energy is working.

Yeah. So then, I do, no. No. Did you offer the run over and said, let's get some coffee. Joy-Coffee. Well, here's what happened. We go all the way up to 9 to 7. I go she gets off at 97th Street This is this this bitch likes me. This is meant to be we both get off at 97th Street and We're going up and I see her just in front of me walk packed rush hour

We get up the stairs and as she's walking up the stairs. I go hey and she walks I go and I was telling her stuff to me Hey, and she's moving a little further. And then she starts walking a little faster. Hey, excuse me, and she starts walking a little, hey, hey, she starts running. I go, no, no, no, no. I go, hey, I just wanna know if you wanna go out. She's running, looking behind her,

and with her bag, she had bags, and I'm running after her. I'm chasing her, going, no, no, no, I just want to know, I'm not chasing, but I am. I want to go out with you in a sexual manner. You're not in this kind of sexual manner. I saw a guy stop and was like, what's up? What's going on?

What's going to help her? Like I had to stop and go, all right, at the last second God controls, I was like, whoa, just stop idiot. I stopped and I was like, oh God. And I had to stop and go, alright, at the last second God I was like, whoa, just stop idiot. I stopped and I was like, oh God. And I had to walk the other way and people were looking at me like, oh, what just happened?

Was he attacking that girl? You sure they just didn't see your orange beam of light? And that's why there's the hand. But to look at that guy's jeans, it was like orange beam of light. This guy's beam bothering you, man. But you know, I knew it was way too quiet while I was talking about it. That you fucking are all stockfiles.

Yeah, you fucking driving it. You said, she fear was just saying, like, wow, I think I have that too. I like to see you each critique each other's methods and say what you would have done. Now here's what I would have done. Okay, go ahead. Simply ask for coffee on the train. I would have went like this. I would have went, this is what I would have done. Now here's what I would have done. Okay, go ahead. Simply ask for coffee on the train. I would have went like this. I would have went, this is what I should have done.

What should I have done? You, when she walked by, I would have went like this. I would love to take you out sometime. Damn it, that's so good. I would go, I'd love to take you out sometime. And then she'd walk by and she'd laugh and I go, I'm not kidding. Because she'd laugh nervously because she has to get off the train because it's her stop and then I would get off with her and I'd be like I mean I'm not gonna be

a creep but definitely if you would look if you'd like to go out all right now I'm getting nervous too but listen see he made me nervous because he got up. That's what she did to me. But Ari's fucking, I didn't know he was going to get up. He's behind me. Well, I knew because I was looking at Ari. I was looking at Ari's eyes the whole time. That first line that he said is good though. What was it say again, the first line that you just said?

I would love to take out some of that. I would love to take you out. That's fucking, that's hot. If I was sitting there and a guy was like, man, and you just like, okay. I was away. We should do this one time. It's up to you. I'll be like Where the fuck you coming back in? Oh But that is a great line. Yeah, I would like a passionate Bushing it, buddy. I would love to take you out sometimes

I look to kiss your face and then I would get off and does she and she turned around I know she turned around and she go and go, look, Robert, I go, I'm gonna let you go, I'm gonna let you go, cause I don't wanna seem like I'm following you, but I'm, you know, that's how I thought. As she walked away, when she looked turned around, you should have given her a goofy wave, cause woman love goofballs as well.

She was gone, bye. She would have been thinking about that. You know she like, it's nine year olds. No, I'm just mainly. I'm picking your nose. Not like that. You know the man like a little. Listen, dollars of the man.

You should have said this. Just because any girl that says no is a bitch. Yeah. You should have done this. Well they are lesbian. Yeah. Bulldog. I like blacked out when I just said that about what women are you You you you ask around and she says no, and you're like well fuck you Do you want to go out to the nine year old and then you know you don't get it?

How about this how about this when you go ahead? Love to take it a coffee sometime and she goes no, I have I'm going I wasn't talking to you Hey, I was like hey you champ You like toys. I was talking. I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the cutie. Yeah. I was actually talking to that sex pistol you got sitting next to you. I was talking to that Ricky Schrody,

you fucking have. I was still prospones. You transform man yourself. I fancy myself an interturtle guy. What are you? That's good. I always get the, how you doing. And I hate the how you doing.

I had love to take you out sometime. Fucking wish you had a time machine. Just to see your pretty face again, too. I see. I'd love to take you out sometime. Fuck, I was just a time machine, just to see her pretty face again, too. I see. I was waiting for Kelly to say something. Why, what should I, what should I, what should I, what should I, I do, I'm not the one to give advice. You just need.

This is what I should have done. I should have not believed in that orange beam shit. No, that's not, I should have sprinted after a woman. That's what I should, I shouldn't have chased it. I should have gotten next to a parallel and then said, and then said something like, I'm, you know, I would love to take, you're unbelievable. I'd love to take you out.

Hi, I'm Bobby, whatever. Bobby, I'm- I see you're running away, we just say excuse me though. I wanna excuse me, she get, I went hey. I think I went hey, I went hey first. Hey, bye. Yeah, which is never with the Boston accent, hey. Hey, fuck you. Hey, you're a broad.

You know what the problem was, Bubba? You needed to make verbal contact on the train, like something like accidentally bummed away. Oh, sorry. Kelly, wait, so then you both were walking together up the stage. Just a pickpocketer. Here's me. Here's your wallet.

I was walking together up the stage. You're going to make contact. You're going to make contact. And then you're kind of like, her funny day out, whatever it is. Wait a minute. Stop. Shut up. Shut up. Kelly, first of all, I'm not trusting you. Your goal would make contact and then you kind of like her funny day out whatever it is You've been boyfriend lists since I've met you, okay? That's because she's fucking random dudes on the train You my boyfriend already

I'd love to take you out sometime. I'd love to suck a cock for that line What what's that? Yeah, Did you just any shade conversation? Do I need to blow you? Do they have a beater on the subway stop? I'll blow you in the bathroom as long as I don't have to wait table feed Let me keep my shirt on to be fun. Do I have to bring five of my friends when I suck you? Dude, I even bucket that I have to pull my name in here for not to suck you off Also, you were skinny Bobby skinny Bobby. I was shredded Bobby. So you look like you look your porter God I was the who's back It was my fucking beautiful days, which probably the Puerto Rican hair look like that I curly curly beautiful beautiful hair

Let's just oh my god, luscious locks and no not that curly. I said beautiful black. I'm talking Let's say Manudo Wavy Ricky Martin. Sure. It's not curly. Yeah, wavy. Yeah, I was gonna say Lorenzo Lamis renegade. Yeah Yeah, I'm talking body and face. Yeah dude. I was I was fucking hot and I remember I used to get so much head I was fucking hot and I remember I used to get so much head So much head in the city You don't like it. The fatal sex or nothing I can't even I can't even come from

Stuff Stink on nothing If I don't throw up from my dick smell I ain't getting off How'd you guys met a girl in the train and like actually gone out with her? Yeah, no. I met a girl actually when I did a Sprance's podcast. I got ahead in the fucking subway terminal for four seconds. Four seconds of meeting them and then you get ahead. You guys are getting too much head for this.

You just play a random homoslady smoking hot chick uh... saturday night uh... late night around three thirty in the morning going back up town to go back to the joint uh... she was fucking she was like hey we would both no she was she was definitely bomb she wasn't sober absolutely not but she wasn't fucked up she was like she was a big little rent

yeah we we we might have making out and then she took my dick out sucked Absolutely not, but she wasn't fucked up. She was like maybe she was big Lorenzo. She was like what? Yeah, we we we might have making out and then she took my dick out socked it for four seconds And then she left she left the subway back up and out moment of clarity was other people on the sub-it with you No, there's nobody around Nobody was like 3 30 more nobody around you know what Bobby Wow that woman died 50 years before that happened I got a ghost suck ghost beach I met a very beautiful girl after doing Sprance's podcast who's not blonde. Yeah, what'd you do with her? No, no, not the not the girl on Sprance podcast a girl after when we did it in the old one Kelly and I did it Mm-hmm, and I took the one train. So I you told about this? I was really proud of you. That was a good.

I met this girl who she was a med student at Harvard, gorgeous. She came with me to stand up New York because she got off at the same subway stop I did and we were talking she came to the show about her couple of drinks to go out to a nice dinnered old Chicago that we made out in front of her hotel. I don't know if I could fucking know that was the most boring. Then what? I've never heard about that. Then what in front of her hotel. I don't know if I can fucking those are most born Yeah, what the fuck you get a old Chicago and she didn't put out I wanted to know Bang to check off the train. I become what else is this a Vince Vaughan film what the fuck?

Some women find my Sincereity a sincerity. I tried to. God dammit. What was that? You got a girlfriend, Chiffire? I have a lot of girlfriends. All right. Damn.

I like the girls. I like the girls. I like the girls. The girls and the friends. No, I'm happily single. That's really weird being able to. I don't. And you got a girlfriend?

I'm married. You're married, married. Married in a kid. You have a house? No, I'm in a story. You're totally out of apartment. That's like a kid. Do you have a house? No, I'm in a story. You got an apartment. That's like a house.

What about you next? Yeah, girlfriend. How long? So like four months, little one. It's no, it's no, it's no, it's no, it's no. Katie. Kelly.

Oh. Katie Kelly. No, no, no, no. I mean, you may have met her at my show. Is she a square or is she a comic? No, no. She's a headshot. She's not a cop, no, no. Do you meet her at a show? You met her at my show. Is she a square or is she a comic? No, no, she's the best. She's not a cop, no, no. Do you meet her at a show?

You met her through comedy, right? Oh, everybody, everybody. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't hit on girls who don't know that I do stand up. Right. I do. And it goes awful. I know, I've heard you've just been.

You just try to meet him out of the blue? Yeah. No, I'm fat, I have to do it for a set. That's what you do it. Yeah, I've been out with one girl that I met in the last 10 years that I didn't meet through stand-up Yeah, like on a date shit Fucking we all need all the help we can get. I mean how do you not? In our interject that world with a female Yeah, there's nothing better than meeting a girl who knows that you do comedy or saw you do comedy at a show or whatever and

who knows that you do comedy or saw you do comedy at a show or whatever and The the the the passion that fucking ignites between that just two strangers just because of what we do Oh my god I've met some of the hottest Fucking chicks. I would have never met just being me that just being me. Oh, I'm stage being Bubby. I'm pushing it, Bubby. Oh my God. Yeah, I mean, and I know I'm married.

I love my wife, I'm cool, but I still think of those girls. I still like them. I still, I still, that shit is there. It's like that, some people you just have something with. It's a bone-offer, it's a chemical connection. Yes, I'm not trying to explain it, let's just go. There's something that fuck.

As soon as you see them, you know you're gonna make out great, you know you're gonna fuck great, you know everything's gonna be great, and it's just gonna be insanely, holy shit passionate, and you're never gonna forget about it, ever, ever. Some people, it's that, it's that, what is that? Oh, God you're gorgeous. Oh, yeah, let's see it, the one in the middle. Yeah, that's that's um, that's called that's my first film my my second film I did What color were you on that? I mean just about people at home. I'm gonna read the URL

That is google.com slash search question mark you up. Well, you know it up. I'll tweet about it It's called you can actually watch the movie on YouTube. It's called last night at at ease And I'm the romantic lead The one with dice on it. My name is Dylan really you're the romantic lead. I'm the romantic lead Why do you do you have a sex scene? We know it's a romantic lead Yeah, sex if you're the lead we had a we had a kissing scene a romantic love All right, all right. It was romantic and not I don't like your aggressive hand gestures

I got the kiss right at the end you want to hear the line? There's a name. What's your name? Your name was Alex some coffee Do you know what else is done? But yeah, do the line just just look up in Australia Look up last night at ease with Robert Kelly and I forget her name was Allison in the movie I forget her name but I said last night at Kelly's last night at Eddie's you're fucking drug addict I said this is the last line you ready yeah here you go you ready yeah I looked at her I just got beat up by the guy. Okay, the guy that abused her boyfriend. I left town. I came back I'm back on my motor. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back up to the beginning. I'm back at the yeah shut the fuck up So the credits are so so I left town. I'm back. I'm back working this pizza place for the summer

It's a seasonal place. Okay, and I came back into my motorcycle because I'm Dylan. And I love Allison, but I left her. But she met the new guy who's an asshole. Who, what's his name? His name, I think it's Nico of course he is. And he treats you like shit. He fucks around on her in the back pizza room. Fuck her.

And I try to tell her, but she's like, you left, blah blah blah. So then one time I catch him abusing her, like almost raping her at the end of the movie. So I fight him. He beats the fuck out of me. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I mean, yeah. A lot of people knew that about Nico.

Yeah. He's a little dangerous. So then, is his name Nico? Maybe it's Nikki or something. Nikki. So then the retarded guy who, who works there, who's who, who you're good to. I'm who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's Trash can't fucking classic strong retard move And then they locked the trash can they like it so he can't hurt anyone ever again. What are you laughing? I bet he died in there This god damn freak show

When he was light as a skeleton wasn't protecting you someone used a flash on the camera And so that He smelled oil which was his fuse So that I don't like I don't like that smell He smelled oil which was his fuse So when you use the zip-up So then so then so then Allison after that Allison grabs me we go to the front and we kiss and This is the crane shot at the end of the movie and I go I go I

I go I'm say it to me I'm looking to his eyes I need this come on man I'm gonna be a try to me everyone get insane ready you just can't go around hurting people wait that's too much right now ready here we go ready can't go around killing people there we go, here we go, ready. Can't go around killing people. We're going. Here we go, I go. Allison, yeah. I've loved you, Allison. Put you left. I always have.

And I always will. I'm not going to kiss you. I love to take you out sometime. I'm going to get some coffee. I just can't go to a wish jam. Hey, hey, hey! I was talking to the kid All right guys, we had a good way that girl went on she did six episodes of weeds Yeah, I knew it. Can we she did how I met your mother? She is a life in times of Tim 13 episodes

Ronan Beverly some show What was that? Wait a minute. Who is it? What's your name? Who is she on how about you? Oh? How much your mother what's your name? Her name is? Jamie Jamie. Yeah, she's actually a bit actress. I tell you this 50 something Who is she on how you're gonna be? How much your mother was in the movies? What's her name? Her name is Jamie? Jamie? Jamie info. Yeah, she's actually a jet actress. I tell you this, she's been a 50-something thing.

She's a repeat person, that's why. She's actually really talented. And she's a hospital five episodes. She's very sexy too. She's a very sexy. She was really cute back then, but she's really sexy as like a milfy mom. I think she got kids too.

Yeah, brothers. I'm tall. I'm tossing out an ideafy mom. I think she gets kids too. Yeah, brothers. I'm slow. I'm tossing out an idea. Yeah. This might be crazy. Right. But I'm tossing out an idea. We're starting to kick starter to remake

the reunion to a reunion sequel to the movie. Could you bring them back to the show? Could you imagine her? She looks pretty much the same except a little older. Could you imagine her showing up at the pizza place and I own it? She looks great and it's just me bald fat Dylan She walks up to me like I'm the retard. Where's Dylan? I'm like I'm Dylan. She's like

Be embarrassed so you pretend to be the retarded the movies four minutes long. I like this. How about this? She walks in and you were like you're like hey remember me and she goes Oh, yeah, what are you doing? You go yeah? I own the place now and she goes that's crazy You go you want to you want to go out sometime and she goes kidding me. I'm fucking Jamie Dembo You own this place and you have to explain why it meant so much. I just can't wait to see the part of the Geno played by Dan Soder. Oh Geno son cuz we know Dopsa got a cirrhosis when his son was 14. That should be Lewis, I think Lewis.

Oh, Lewis is the genius of that. No, for us, he's done shit. Yeah, no. He was actually really, I mean, I was friends with him, but he was that guy. He was like cast because he was, he would literally be that guy like, fucking tough. The three episodes of I'm a married to mobster last year.

What? What's that? Well, that's a show where people who are actually married to mafia people. But Jamie has listened out, but they talk about like being married and tell story. Here's the one thing that bugged me about her is that she had that risen mole on her upper lip.

And I mean, Colin Quinn talked about this a couple of weeks ago. Even if you should have it removed, even if there's an 80% chance it will be fatal You should have that if that mole is risen that much on your lip you should get rid of it And we can feel it while you're kissing love it. Yeah, if you shouldn't come into play. Is it still there? Yeah, it's still there She has And plus if you take a shower, it gets darker. Okay. How do you know so much about mold?

That's how you know if she's clean. Here's our school tour to fair. Like the clearer it is, the less likely you ought to go down on the street. Yeah, you're on. It's like a mood mold. Yeah. Hey, is that makeup on that mold?

Get it off. That's my smell check. Bobby, you asked everyone in the room about me about relationship stuff. Did you just show him that I'm fucking alone and disgusting? You know why Kelly? Why? Why, Bobby? That's my smell check You asked everyone in the room about me about relationship stuff You just showed him that I'm fucking alone and disgusting You know why Kelly? Why?

You don't have good relationships with men Why? You haven't been with anybody I don't know, I don't know one relationship you had I know he has a girlfriend, he's married I know he likes being a piece of shit But he's cool with that, I know he's a sir You've had a girl.

You've had girls, you know, and I'm married. I mean, what do you got? I am. I told you about the guy that I've been seeing. Right now, I thought you weren't seeing. What do you say, Sam? You also told me you said some other guys, cock, but you're back.

No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I know I'm kidding, I'm kidding, please don't. I was saying Star Trek tonight. Really? Can I go? Maybe. Wow, you're about to come out. Of course you cannot go.

I know, I don't want to go see a fucking movie with Kelly. Can I just say for the record that I know you said you were the romantic lead, but you were just for fairness, like you were the seventh member of the crew there. I was actually the romantic lead. Okay, but that overplays it. What do you mean? Because it sounds like you were like the guy. I was, it was me, her, and Gino.

It was your name and lights when you got came out. It was probably an order of a series. Yeah, but those people weren't star, they were like side characters. No, it was the right order of appearance. Order of appearance. Oh really? Yeah, it was probably the order of appearance.

Yeah, because he shows up later, you know, when the scenes been set. Yeah, you can watch this movie on YouTube, and it was probably order of appearance. Yeah cuz he shows up later. You know, yeah, once the scenes been set Yeah, you can watch this movie on YouTube and it was you he's lying. I mean what the fuck man? Yeah, first off, yeah, you to come up here Jesus Listen it's a two hours and 20 minutes the fucking buzz is wearing off even me right now. I keep seeing the fucking shuffeeer yawning and phasing. The lights are actually getting his attention. I'm going noon today.

All right, guys, thank you so much. What was you doing? Yeah. I thought, sure, put your try to make. Thank you for coming on the show. Make sure you check out all our sponsors twictaudio.com. Keep the donations coming. Really appreciate it. Thank you to all you people who bought me shit from my kid

on my baby registry. Unnecessary and unbelievable that you guys actually went out and did that. I appreciate it. Amazon.com link right on riotcast.com. We got the Gamefly link. Just click on those two weeks free at Gamefly.com slash ykwd Make sure you go to riot cast. It's the it's the funniest network out there Okay, I know there's a lot of networks. I love you know, I love death squad I love Billy Burge thing, but riot cast has some of the funniest fucking shows Out there, okay, you got rich boss. You got glory hole. You got there, okay? You got Rich Voss, you got Glory Hole, you got the live from the comedy seller, Dr. Steve, East Side Dave, the nerds, the two bitches.

What do you think you can subscribe to all of them? You can subscribe to all of them, but you just get the app, you don't have to subscribe to any of them. Just get the app, leave a review on iTunes, that always helps, but you can get the app for free. The app gives you access to all of them. App gives you access to every single show, the websites the Facebook pages and when any of the shows go live it pops up right on your iPhone or iPad and you can listen right there streaming on 4G so make sure you get the free right cast app for your iPhone and iPad and

the Android is coming soon very soon for the studio we're gonna have live video feed we've got a lot of great news coming out and i will uh... i will let you guys know uh... i will let you fill you know that shit and make sure the twenty seven twenty eighth and twenty ninth of july june june june comedy fox with you know what dude podcast comes to foxwoods comics

me kelly faistuca and luis j gomez we're doing uh... uh... uh... thursday fr, and then Saturday, and then the late show is a nasty show. So make sure you check it out. Get tickets on my website, robertkilylive.com. And my baby is coming. So maybe next week, I have a baby. We'll see what happens. All right, Kelly, what do you got? I'm coming in. Foxwood's foramily at califistigga.com Mectana. Oh, uh, best week ever is last episode this week, but we're coming back in September and Yeah, that's it great. Well, what about you show? Oh, my show is every third

Wednesday at Union Hall of the month at Union Hall in Brooklyn Park Club the greatest venue in the history. There's a deal, if you live in Manhattan, or if you, you know, just take a train out there, it's two seconds, take a cab, it was 15 bucks or whatever it is. If you wanna do something different, instead of going to the comedy clubs that you've been to a million times, go out to Nick's show. Yeah, next one's June 19th and when Soda's on it.

Soda's gonna be on it, I had a fucking blast. It's the way comedy should be. It's a small group of people there to see comedy It's not people going to fucking get chicken wings and no, it's the thing. I did it for a month at Caroline's So did that one too Shut up You in labor made of a. When she lead with that, we'll just keep doing plugs. Are you good? Is everything good?

Oh man. She just thinks it's a milk. Yeah, she's like, I was fucking don't bother me. She's like, did you not deviate? I'm doing the podcast. I'm doing two hours. I got fucking a bunch of people in here. The baby is shut up.

All right, I'm fucking, I'm almost done. Will you, are you making it longer? We're just literally wrapping it up. You stepped on Nick's promo. Wait till the kid comes. All right, how's your, all right, is everything good? How's your your re-through? All right, Baba.

We died, I did it. All right, I love you Baba. I'll talk to you later Well, there's a lot of love No, yeah, we we did the first one at Caroline's and so it was on it And it was just like 19 people from Puerto Rico And then we were doing like sketches and stuff like that kind of shit does just does not fly to random Caroline's car and then the next month we went to we went to Union Hall and then I like made a subtle reference to like I had I was quoted in an article about UCB in

The York Times and then everyone in the audience got it and I was like yes this is the difference. Yeah where I can have my weird fucking show where I do exactly what I want I can do it at Union Hall and everybody's into it. I like to do I had a really good time out of blast So make sure you go check it out. All right, what do you got? I have my own podcast called Ari Shepard Skeptic Tank. Fucking great. And I'll be in New York doing spots.

Yeah. We got you. I feel like we traded. We got a really great trade. Who do we give up? Yeah, we give up. We get a Nate Lewis for Ari. Yeah, I think it's fucking, oh my god.

It's coming back. Oh, Nate's coming back. Yeah, well, I might come back But I'll say there's this baby going. Well, we'll say anyway. So yeah, I mean, I can't believe we I'm so happy you here But yeah fucking great. I love that you're here in New York always had a good time hanging out with our Inem one of the funniest guys one of most original guys, but a really great guy If you haven't listened to his podcast make sure you check it out. It's one of the top shows. It a really great guy if you haven't listened to his podcast make sure you check it out. It's one of the top shows. It's always in the top fucking 10, 20 podcasts out there so make sure you check it out. Now what do you got man? I'm on at SiriusXM for the Howard channels and you can check out my gigs. I'm going to

be all over the country. Cleanbox Entertainment.com and I'll weasel my way on the NICS show eventually. There you go, do it. You know, it was an honor to do this for my first time as a great, great collection of funny people. Oh my god. It was a blast, man, at a great time. Oh good, man, thanks for coming out, brother. You got it.

Dan, what do you got? Hi. I'm gonna be at NICS comedy stop, June 14th and 15th. Where? Boston. They reopened it. They reopened it. They reopened it. 150 seat room. Next comedy stop June 14th and 15 where Boston Nips doing nicks they reopened it. They reopened it 150 seat room Where where I don't know yet. I haven't done the new one yet. Who opened it? It's what's his name? I think it's the same place frost got me in there. I don't know Matt Matt frost got me in there June 14th and 15th I'll be in Boston and next comedy stuff. though is shitting me not shitting your kid fucking

going up to the boss and go see this fucking clock soccer it'll be the club there in boss and the father they think that one is good they got the willber it's gigantic and it's a club to self esteem smasher if you do good it's great but if you do bad you know so you always know when the the owner shows up you doing good and then when they they don't show up and like their third cousin shows up to pay you yeah he couldn't make it in there was uh what was

nothing going on there was a haphone thing down a fucking south Boston a bunch of haphones fell off a truck all right make sure you go check out dance so do you guys are the best fucking fans ever thank you for the cash early you were saying that they were not the best fans ever. I love you more, Ace. I love Sergio. I love you, Memo. I love the podcast.

What I say. You like the people who listen to this are not the best fans ever. Yeah, well, I mean, it was, yeah, yeah. I would say that to you off here, but I wouldn't say that I'm on here. Yeah, what? Taking this 10 bucks you gave me.

Yeah, I gave it to you. Oh, thank you. It's for you for being on the show. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I'm gonna Kelly some money too. How much should I give Kelly you for being on the show. Oh, thanks. Yeah, we're going to Kelly some money too. How much should I give Kelly? All of it? A dollar.

A dollar? A dollar. You guys are the best. Thanks a dollar. A dollar 25, y'all. So check it out. Make sure you go to tweedaudio.com by yourself, a pair of headphones. In-air, mic, non-might, wood grain, green, lime green, white, all kinds

of colors, all kinds of styles, and their great quality headphones for a cheap price and get this. Use the code word, dude, when you check out, you get another 33% off. That's right, 33% off. That's close to almost half. It's a lot actually. And free shipping. So make sure you go to Tweak.io.com, get yourself a few pairs of headphones, you'll just get one. It's not worth it. I think they wind up being ten bucks a pair. I don't know what it is, but it's crazy. So buy a few. Give some away. Great gifts. Tweet.io.com, code word, dude. 33% off free shipping right now. And make sure you go to ryecast.com slash robbercowley that you'll know what dude page on Ryecast. And there's an Amazon link and a game flight link. Anything you buy on the internet, you

go through our Amazon link. That's how you support the show. Go to our page, book market, and just buy shit. Just buy whatever the fuck you're gonna buy, but you're also be supporting the show. And gameply.com slash ykwd2free weeks of awesome games. Ship right to your house. It's the Netflix of video games. If you're a gamer, you should try it if you haven't already. So, you can cancel on any time too.

There you go, you can also donate to the show. If you go to our Riotcast page, YKWD, there's a donate button. I wanna thank all you awesome sexy motherfuckers who've donated all that money, has gone to helping out the studio paying for things. It's just making the show better, so we appreciate that.

And make sure you go to riotcast.com and check out some of the most amazing podcasts out there. riotcast.com, we pride ourselves on putting together the most unique, unbelievably funny, interesting podcast on the internet. It's not just the same thing or the same feel or the same fucking taste over and over and over again. It's different shows, a bunch of different shows. We're all over the fucking charts.

We got Bailey J. We got the Davey Max Sports Show, Weird Medicine with Dr. Steve. We got Hammerfest Ag with Lewis J. Gomez. We got all kinds of stuff. We got Glory Home Network. We got Why You Suckin' Bed. I mean, holy caca, there's so much stuff. There's more. There's even more.

We get why my wife hates me. I think that's what it's more. There's even more. We get why my, my wife hates me. I think that's what it's called. Anyway, go there, go to Radcast.com. Jersey Jerks. Unbelievable. Shows. Unbelievable. And it's all free. That's right. Free. The only thing you can do is help out the shows by hitting their donate buttons, buying their merch at the top of the page, and spread the word. That's all you have to do. Spread the word of the riot cast network in all of our shows. Well that's all you have to do and we'll make this, we'll keep this free. My wife hates me. Jim Florentine, weird medicine. The comedy sell alive from the comedy sell. The glory hole, Bailey J. Davy Max Sports Program,

why you suck in bed. Mad scientist, party hour. The Jersey jerks and hammer fisting are the shows on the network. All hilarious, all free. And every week they're up there for your enjoyment. So make sure you go support them all. All of them, get the app.

iPad, iPhone, and Android is coming soon. Make sure you email us at ykwdryakast.com. You have anything, anything you want to give us props. You want to tell us some suggestions you would have on the show, blah, blah, blah, blah. YKWD at ridecast.com. I'm sitting in my underwear right now on my iPhone with my awesome mic that I got from Carl and I'm doing this so enjoy. I feel you stinkin' stinkin'

You know what I'm deady I'm fucking, fucking you're the one, you're the one You know what I'm deady I'm this fuck, sorry, fuck, sorry You know what I'm deady Don't stop filming my bed, don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. you