Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Beating Around the Stump

Episode Date: April 6, 2015

Robert is joined by Ari Shaffir, Ricky Velez, Sean Donnelly, Krystyna Hutchinson, Corrine Fisher Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Y qué es lo que es? En la Raiatcast Network. Riotcast.com. You know where we're at? Oh, right.

Look, that fucking save down. Nice guitar solo. Remember those fucking things? They could toss, be a fucking great song, and then obviously this are right now. Right in the middle and then you would fucking... They're done with. There's no more right and not I mean I of course they'll come back because music is like anything It just comes back on itself, right? Yeah, yeah

But now I remember going to come you go and you fucking wait and then all of a sudden give it up the Ricky I was cigarette on the neck It's okay fucking you play any instruments. I learned the drums Last year I had to pick up the drums for the Sexes and right role. Please have drums some are drum solos. They had that was heavy metal drum solos No, I learned about when I start because I've always wanted to play the drums But now that I started playing the drums and I'm obsessed about that shit drums like some drum solos, stink.

Let's fucking tell him he lay down. How old was that man? You're at the end, they're a sweetie pie. That's why we're at the end, sweetie pie. That's the end, I want to look right at your fucking face. What happened? Warp pigs, man, it's all about warpigs. The drums and that.

Well, I was talking about like, now that I drum, like Tommy Lee, his drum solos good, but it's really that he's upside down, spinning with lights, that's Well it's talking about like now that I drum like I Tommy Lee his drum solo is good but it's really that he's upside down spinning with lights yeah that's making it I mean it's not fucking Neil Pert they put him like underwater at one point. It's pretty cool Travis Barker does it some like one eight two he does it all time and it's real crazy as fire around but Travis is fucking good dirty yeah he's fucking fast as a motherfucker I mean Tommy's great don't get me wrong but he's fucking fast as a motherfucker. I mean Tommy's great. Don't get me wrong But he's that LA fucking

Boom the bat don't the bat boom the bat boom That's all spinning and shit if you're really drumming you don't have time to spin drumsticks Watch fucking Neil per watch watch the drummer from the who that fight. There's no time to Flip around it's like dude. What's all flesh? It's 80s flesh 80s flash, which I love I love that I really did I wish you would come back Do you it's come in you think so fuck yeah the same way now? It's like a rap rock mix now sucks now what like I remember all those bands that were like they was like the crossover was like rap and rock you said they went limp biscuit and all that but that even now that's what you're gonna do fun that's what you're gonna do that's what I'm gonna do with that tour is the big J.O.K.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. That shit was close as

funny uh... anyways what happened first was just get the elephant on the room are you should fear what happened to you know i got to fight you did why why you fight with people i wasn't fighting with them what they were fighting you they were sitting there that's not a fight i was getting punched that place on second avenue that

fucking fell down. The gate block. No, the one that fell down. The building? Yeah. So I was trying to walk across the street in the cops so you can't go here. I'm like, why? I was like, well, the building's on.

I'm like, I'm on walking on the building side. And he was like, sir, move on, please. Yeah. And I go, what are you going to do if I don't move on? Any punch here? With his fucking baton. Oh, I can't. I can't.

Only a white dude knows who that is. That's what happened. I did not happen. I want to fucking give this cop a medal. Exactly what he should do. You're doing it. I'm gonna round like a drummer too. Get a lot of time.

Girls, girls, girls, girls. Officer Tommy Lee. Fucking Jews, Jews, Jews. Get the fuck out of here. You're a little too non-white to be talking to me that way. Alright, scumball, let's go around the room and introduce everybody from the hottest to the naughtest. Well then Ricky's first. Co-respond on the nightly show.

Yeah, Ricky beleiges here. Second time here. It's been fun. So the firmative action hire. Yeah, oh, definitely was. Yeah. Well, he looks white, but is they Yeah

Take him he's good for college to He is a good looking I never noticed how good looking Ricky was until he came in today look at like Like a Calvin Klein Like you're wearing a blanket what Ricky's girlfriend's a fashion designer She hooks them up with the greatest clothes. She's a stylist. She did whatever She stylized fat dudes. Yeah, she does it all man. Can you do that? She did the dude for Roseanne once Yeah for like for like a shoot for something. Yeah, she really get known as the guy from Roseanne Pretty good movies the last few years something. Yeah, is he really getting known as the guy from Roseanne? I was gonna say that. He's a pretty cool guy. He's a pretty cool guy. He's a pretty cool guy. He's a pretty cool guy.

He's amazing. He's coming back, but he's still the guy from Roseanne. Yeah, he's that. I like that you have low-hank, like, sacking pants, but they're all the way up. They're all the way up. Because they're built that way. They're hammering me. I hang on to it. I'm really hate my outfit, shot all the time. I hang on to it. I'm really hate my outfit, shot all the time. Donnelly is so sexually frustrated towards me.

Sean. Sean was literally fuming before the show about Ricky's hammer pants. I can't stand these pants. This is the guy who bought a suit for the first time before you went on television. How do you put this on? All right, I had to come over and tie your tie for you. This is a guy who truck and watches Deadliest Catching His Health. He's talking about...

You definitely have deadliest catch. This is just fuckin' designer by the way. This is the same family. This is how it's fuckin' black-fade just flannel. I mean, oh, I can't tell. It just looks like a flannel to me. And this is a fuckin' $30 polo t-shirt. Alright, I don't know what that is.

I don't have a fuckin' shirt from Marshall's that says beer fest tonight I'm a fucking hoodie that doesn't fit But I dress pretty well You're fucking, I'm a fat guy, I'm supposed to dress like this, I'm not supposed to be stuck That's not true I'm a fat guy and I'm stylish That's like that's the closest you can get to stylish as a fat guy That's not true, when I did the show all the stuff that I had to wear and I bought some of that stuff when I left

I have a nice jacket made you buy it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the greatest part about the show, the sex, you know, the sex drama. What's this starting? It's starting in this summer. June, July. I haven't given it a date yet, but they started promo in last night on FX, which is great. That's an awesome channel, man.

It's a fucking great channel, but this is the first gig I ever got that I got to wear good clothes, because every gig I get is fucking a cop uniform I just went out for hefty the dopey security guard The night he showed commercial you were carpenters carpenters a cop and brought What is that static? It was just my headphones. I don't know. What is it me? Is it my microphone? I'm right talking to the other time. Uh, uh, hello. Hello. It's everywhere. Yeah, it's all over. What the fuck?

I think it's gone. I don't know. People have their phones on somewhere. I have my phone off. It's on airplane mode. My phone is on. Is everything on? Nothing's happening. Oh, sorry guys. I think it's back now. I think you're good now. I don't hear it. I don't hear it. I don't hear it. I don't hear it. It's mine. It's mine since you touched it. Is it a microphone fix that Mike? What's everybody? Just tying the connection unplugged? Yeah, is it everybody's no? Oh, yeah, it was right after Scobo touch that Mike. I don't want to play Hello, is that Mike give him you a Mike Scobo? Feel Like fucking I'm being replaced

Mike That's just that was the hair. It was like fucking I'm being replaced today It's his mic. No, I saw the other side. No anything's go about touches. What the fuck is going on? He's got a lead the room. Are you magnetic? Wow You hands. I don't know What's going on? Has any was any been unplugged? Check check that's better. Now it's better now. It's carry go Check that's better now it's better now it's good. You go Is it this Christina move your phone away from the table? Oh, how about now? Me that was it was the phone. Thanks for having me

Now that makes me when the cup when the pilots is turned your phones, but now I know why. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with this. You don't crash. That's a happy Germany. That's kind of terrifying now that we have that much power. With a phone on the paint crash. I never turn my phone off though. I never. He was in the ring. I don't think I need that.

Your phone is a day runner. I'm sorry. So anyway. I'm going to have to, coming at me hard today. I thought you were gif and then we were fucking, there it is again. It's your phone, that phone too. Hello. Hello.

Under that computer. No, that's not it. That's always been there. Oh, what the fuck that is, guys? Check, check, check. Oh, whatever, it's coming. Nearly we, huh? Name this episode static.

Static cling. I don't know what it was. Now it's gone. It's gone. We'll figure it out. It happens. It happens. There's something wrong We get it wish list. I like this list the mania shirt. I kind of feel like I want one. Yeah, we'll talk to fucking Joe list All right. Yeah, he's the the owner of them. He's the Joe list would be that guy I'm sure he's gonna get fucking sued by Hulk Hogan

We had him on the website. We sold to We had him on the website. We sold two You guys should have heard me talking to Lewis yesterday and how to like smuggle weed back on the plane from where? Oh, Seattle Wow, I don't do it. Why don't you just not teach him what do you get arrested? No, we can all be saved But it's just Revenant dryer sheets anywhere I want say to your hand. They can't fucking do shit There's no way I'm moving on. I know the static fucked everything up. There's no way I'm moving on from Ricky's Fucking

And the bracelets I don't mind the bracelets all of them you don't mind One another man is so obsessed with somebody else Every time I see you. Not at all. I only mentioned it one other time. In fairness, he's the only one. Since this is the only one.

And it was a couple of days ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm kidding. I'm just jealous I can't wear pants like. It was just like a shit in my pants. Can I have a one pants? Yeah. About my life that, you know, remember when the MC Hammer pants were in?

Remember that? These are the... No, I don't. I remember that. I remember. What's that? Two legit, two crazy. I never did that.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I don't know what it bothers me that you memorized it. You really passed that in. I'm not that good. You know, I was the kid who walked around with a box. You lay it down in front of a crowd. You don't.

Stupid. Stupid. I can't. Stupid. I don't know. Practice all day. No, no, no. Lay it down in front of a crowd All day I was always at the tail end of fashion I got hammer pants when they were out I always got shit when they went to marshals Absolutely That way. We still do that. Absolutely. I got my MC Hammer pants. You know where I got my pants from Pier 1 import. What the, they sold pants?

They sold pants. They had imported from Africa because it gave all of ours to them. They had to bring them back. I remember I went into Pier 1 and they had MC Hammer pants, but I think they were women's. Okay, like he called feathers on them. I think they were women's hammock pants. Hammock pants. Hammock pants. I think it was women's hammock pants

The short short there was so confusing scorts. I have to Short yeah, and everyone's like what oh, Let's go to the next guest. I mean, everyone knows this here. R.E. Shefbir is here. Thank you. This is Ben with his giant. How's every, how's every, how's every? I really smacked, I was talking to a apartment broker and I had to flush the shit that I took.

I didn't want to leave it in there because I was going to forget it. So I leaned into flush and then quickly run out of the bathroom and I just smashed my face. Oh. The awning. Is that not what you need? Oh, so the cop thing was bullshit? Yeah.

I mean, oh, oh. Oh. See, I know in you, I was like, oh, okay, that's an extent. I would love to get beaten by a cop. And that's all it is. It's just a little thing on the nose. But there's, oh, I love that. I'm so glad that that bandit is holding on for dear life.

Oh, yeah. That's real love. Really? It's not going to be too bad. That's your bandit. It's a bandit. It's a not bending. It's a bend you put your face when you cut yourself Shaving yeah, that's actually a bandage you could use on a knee It's like why did you get a big one the biggest they have So how's it anything anything going on in your life?

I was just looking for an apartment. Fucking. I just moved out the neighborhood. Really? Yeah, it's a bit of a controversy. Oh, moving on to the inside. Yeah, buddy. Finally got a piece of this.

Oh, grammar. I tried. I looked at bedstites as thigh towns today. Don't. It's like a college door, man. It is. If you rent for the first three months, they come in and check your room to make sure you're cleaning it. Ricky, did you just tell a guy who brings pot brownies everywhere?

Yeah, it's like a fucking ca, it's like a fucking dorm room he just signed the lead. And by the way, I'm not gonna clean it. Hey, don't move there, they give away free pot. I had all these places ago, like it's a smoke free building. I'm like, what does that mean? I mean, I don't, I mean, I smoke. Like how much? I mean, all through the day, and put marijuana. Someone is like, well, that's illegal. I'm like, that's got nothing to do with working hard.

What are you, a cop? I'm just saying it's gonna be a problem or not. Who else we got in the room there, Scope? We got Sean Donnelly. Sean, very good friend. How you doing, buddy? How you doing? You're working the seller a lot now, too, huh?

Yeah, yeah, it's going good. They love you. They like me, yeah. I'm excited. I'm excited, too, dude. Now, are you headlined all around the country? You're still meddling? What are you doing?

I'm headlining, like, for the past year I've been headlined. I'm pretty new to it So you're done. Are you done? I'm not meddling. Yeah, I would do that. I would open up for you easily What do you want fire? How much you want? 100 bucks But Sean you get a hundred and then he takes you out to dinner We're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like,

we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like,

we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like,

we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we like, like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we like, we're like, we like, we to sack clean sucking each other off. I think 200 extra per show and a little talk you down. That would be porn out of a lot of dudes out there. I'm telling you, there would be great. What did you whisper into the microphone? I said, asking for $200 more per show.

I'll let him talk you down. I mean, with that, the club pay plus 200. I really do want to get to the point where I make enough money, where I can just fly somebody with me and and pay them a nice chunk where they're just happy they have no aspirations of being a headliner like every LA comic just I'm not going down. He's not going down. He's not out. He's going to be going to the LA. He's going to the LA. I'm just in the made in LA. You switched sides.

Yeah, that's in New York faith. But that's how Rogan did it. He was going to take us out and pay us more and fly us into it. Oh, yeah, fucking Rogan. Yeah, and that's how UFC fight. It's great. It's because friends is fun. Yeah, well, it's to the point now where I go on the road.

I don't drink. I don't use drugs. I can't fucking eat like a savage. I can't do hookers So it'd be nice to have a friend oh news exactly Hookers to be like we talk while you're doing this Like while your friend is fucking hookers I

Would you watch it? I'd fucking jerk off right from that would you wife be okay with you watching? So she enough question. I she's not a fucking savage Would you wife be okay with you watching something? Oh, she, of course not. She's not a fucking savage. She went on you to watch someone fucking. No, she's not a fucking... What if the girl doesn't know you're there? The mess, the mess, the mess, the guy's gonna be in the room where a picture can be taken. It would be a fucking cosby in a multi-colored robe.

I was like, Bobbi Kelly's eyeballs in a picture of the audience. No, I really would love to be able to, hopefully soon, I'll be able to, I don't think Bobby Kelly's eyeballs. I'm gonna push the audience. No, I really would love to be able to, hopefully soon I'll be able to, there was a guy just had, well I was like, I could bring somebody and I'll fly him in and then I gotta put him up and it, it bumps me out the fucking club. Oh, whoever doesn't say, all right,

we're gonna pay him 500, we're gonna give him a hotel room and, oh, you're bringing your own guy, okay, we'll pay for his hero. And I'll pay for his flight and I'll throw him some of room and- Oh, you're bringing your own guy, okay. We'll pay for his room. And I'll pay for his flight, and I'll throw him some of money. I'll pay for all his food, and there you go. You know what I mean? You're getting a professional New Yorker LA comic instead of somebody from Kansas City.

Yes. You know, great over here, me and Sean are on the road together to Fatties. I think it'd be great. Oh, you're gonna get a destroy town. So, I'm gonna pop up. Sorry. You can be patient for the day every day.

We're all out of iced tea. Sorry. These other two guys came in. I think that's right. Local business booming. Oh, wow. Wow. Hi.

Who else, we're getting? Let me have the co-host, the very popular guys we fuck podcasts. Yeah. We gotta be honest. Every time I hear it, my dick just bounces. Every time I go. Every time I hear it, my dick just bounces. Every time I hear it, my dick gets a heartbeat. Don't do it.

You guys can't say fucked on the iTunes thing though, right? How do you get around that? We just asked for us. They do it for you sometimes. You just put in a curse word, they'll just ask for it for you. Well, it took us a long time to get on iTunes though. We had to fight them to get on it.

We went in a roundabout way. They didn't want us on. You got to blow them? Yeah, we gave everyone an iTunesabout way they didn't want to blow them. Yeah, we yeah, like gave everyone an iTunes a blow shop So secrets out That's the next episode It's just slurping sounds for an hour on the podcast. We fuck Ten by the way, I know

Wait, why because of the name didn't want you on there. Yeah, I probably thought we're just bunch of horrors trying to be funny and Eddie get that problem too. We're talking shit. But be an award, try to be funny. No, I just was named talking shit. They're like, no way you can't be on that dude. Why? Because it's like it's a curse word. Their Christians will be embarrassed. You can say shit on TV now. I know. You can see shit everywhere. Well, I turned so comfortable with fuck like as like fuck you, but not fuck as in like insurface. Yeah, they were okay with that. I want to get that

Podcast fuck you podcast. Yeah, the great podcast. So your name is not by the way Karin Fisher and Christina Hutchison. Thank you. Thank you. And and you're your show. How long you've been doing your Podcast a year a year and now what made you come up with the name and do you guys really talk about? We just interviewed a guy we fucked on Saturday You guys know no, no, no, no, I fucks. Yeah, no, we don't you have standards No, no, guys, you know, we just we can bring on guys. We we fucked and we interviewed now. Here's the thing about that Yeah, about the fucking a lot of time and other things how many black ass yeah I fuck to black guys, but only one was on.

The other one was afraid his mom would go go him and I was like, wow, you have a mom that's cool. You fucked a black guy? Is that okay? I wish I could. No, I'm kidding. I really did say. I do well with the black eyes.

No, no, big hit with black eyes. No, that the show's doing so well in the rest of that. Like, do you guys fuck you to be on the show? Oh. That's a great question. Honestly, sometimes they do. But I fuck a lot less people now that I do the show. Because you know it's on blast.

It's just, and also then when you're gonna interview the person, and everyone's gonna know you're a real, you're a lot more selective with who you fuck. I've got some beers here if you wanna get, you know. Yeah. That's a funny whiskey. Yeah. Go get out of my car. Go get the fuck. I can see you're probably gonna say, Martin. Just you want to get you know. You know? You know? You're playing whiskey? Yeah.

Go get out of my car. Go get those. Just go down stairs and get a bottle. Yeah. I can break this. It's awesome. That's the thing they're for you. We're going to get Ricky's pants and put them on our head.

Where they belong. Like the end of 16 panels. Big Dicks. Ricky's got a big piece. Oh, really? Yeah. You saw his name. You saw his name.

Hang on a minute. Yeah, he's a picture of the ex-cooking. Hang on a minute, yeah, he's a scopo. Scopo, nobody was speaking. That was in your head. Good, good, good. Where the fuck in your head? Stop, stop looking at Ricky's, oh Jesus. That's why I was there, I found out.

It goes to St. Martin's for one week and it comes back a clean. He took the beads out of his hair at the airport. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did. They did it. They did. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. They did it. Theyive black lady behind him. I'm always freaking a coconut. I'm feeling my culture. So, speaking of giant Puerto Rican cogs, can we move on for this? Do the pants make sense now? Yeah, but fun feel now. Those are medical.

Those are very embarrassing. You get them with the peanut. You get the same store where they have the toilet seat thing with the fucking toilet seat thing. Are you in a fucking 17 inch uncircumstile and weak in cock? Oh my God. Oh, that's so nice. And sometimes he burns his dick in a barbecue and the fucking up in the stomach.

How many times? It's on. Alright, so here's a deal. I got to get back to you, Gross, because I find this fascinating. I have a question about it. Yeah, I do, too. OK, go ahead. You go first.

Can you tell Ari has his own show? I don't know. Ari, good. Have you guys fucked anybody? Both of you guys fucked the same guy and had them on? Oh, one, she fucked him, and I was in bed with him. Do different times, though. Yeah, we dated this later down the road.

Well, that's a very special episode. Well, that's a long story. Yeah. So let me ask you a question. Is this going to be a comedy central show? I hope so. Are you offering? Yes.

You got some connects? Now, you know, because you know this is a fucking really edgy stuff. This is, I mean, for two girls to talk about guys, they fucked is your goal to do the podcast forever and make that popular. Certainly not. No, no.

It's ruining my life. It's fucked up our sex life. It's ruining your life. Yeah, well, because I'm the single one. So she's in a relationship for four years. So she's reaching back and then kind of her boyfriend has become a third character on the show. But you have a boyfriend.

I do. Or can you take off real quick and just, it's fine. Anyway, it's not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not. Story in my life. So you, your boyfriend, that he doesn't get fucking flipped out, that you take off real quick and just Story in my life, so you your boyfriend did he didn't get fucking flipped out that you're talking about now He doesn't care the girl E data before me was a porn star, right? And so this is easy Sam I open minded Actually to poor woman are dating so you talking about giving a couple of handies And it's not, it's nothing. Like in a Caldor parking lot.

It's not being a writer. Caldor. That's something. A lot of things. So now you're single. So now you talk about that on the show. People who know on the show know you're with this guy. And they know you're single.

So you must be getting fucking attacked by guys all the time. Well, I mean, comics looking for a credit. Exactly. That's true. Because a lot of people is into the podcast. And they get a lot of Twitter followers. I'm like, you want to, I'll just invite you on the podcast if you're that desperate for Twitter. It's true. A lot of people are into the podcast and they get a lot of Twitter followers. I'm like, I'll just invite you on the podcast if you're that desperate for Twitter. It's fine.

No, but do you have to? No, because look, I fucked a lot. Right. Okay. You're a lot. How much? How much you fuck? Seven.

I fucked a lot. I probably bit in the hot, I'm in the hundred. Yeah, I'm in the hundred. I'm in the hundred. I mean, you're a famous comic. I think that's not mean you're a famous comic I think that's not like a kid. He's a famous person. I watch you on TV. I'm on the verge of famous for 15 years.

I'm at the cliff helping other famous people. You've been there for a while. Do you ever get people turning and looking at you and then go? I remember helping Ricky onto the boat to famousville. Welcome from Cuba Ricky. Let me help you. The alien good times of comedy. I saw Sean fall down the escalator. Please let it be on the up escalator. Please let it be on the up escalator.

I've also seen Harry fucking burn his dick because I'm shit on it. Oh, yeah. Anyways. So, it was, wow, but you have, I mean, I fucked a lot of chicks and I'm not saying that to brag, but I'm saying,

like, you, there's a point where you're gonna run out of stories. Yeah. Are you gonna have to bang other guys, or are you just gonna move on? Well, we've expanded it, so we have like porn stars on people who just... Jim Norton. Yeah. Jim Norton's out with some guys, you fuck. Never fuck Jim Norton.

But he, he, no, I'm saying, he can fall into your show. He, he, he pitch right in. He has perfect. I'm talking about, he's like, yeah, I'll do it. I'm gonna go. Well, no, it wasn't a name of girls, we fuck, I can't do that. Guys, we fuck, oh, you're in.

I'm in, I'll be the one on Tuesday. I'll bring my own. Well, if you look behind us, we have a show very similar why are you sucking bed. These, these two girls who are a very funny too, you should actually have them on your show. Yeah. They'd be fucking amazing. They can't show their face because their fucking careers will be ruined.

Oh, really? Yeah, for what they do. They like the Shallowbomb. The Shallowbomb? Yes, the Shallowbomb and Hillary both is done. Oh, I don't believe that. Wow. You heard it here first.

I love the beginning. That high that you actually could believe that for a while. I'm gonna help that. Right, don't be so kind to you about it. Can I smoke pot right here?. I love the end. That high that you actually could believe that for a while. I haven't got a hell of that. All right, don't be so kind to you about it. Is it kinda smoked pot right here? No, you can't. I asked Noah when he said it'd be okay. No, he did not.

I saw him downstairs. I got a note running. If Noah says fine, yeah, light up. Where's my phone? He did not say in fine. Oh, he did. He was just a cop. He was just a cop.

That's where he got into a fight about. I'm sick of believing you. You're a really good liar, dude. Really? You're so nuts that will believe us if he's safe. are a fight about. I'm sick of believing you. You're a really good liar, dude. You're so nuts that we'll believe as he says. Can you take an acting class and convert that into acting? You think I would be able to, huh? The industry says no. Do the middle guy in Ari's shirt looks like Lewis?

Oh, yeah, Capurrula. Holy shit. Oh, weird. Hey, is there any other thing you want to put the brakes on? I'm doing a good job in this podcast I just looked at I was like oh, is that Lewis and I Anyways, I want to throw up on you right now Well, we got two girls about talking about fucking dudes. They fuck and then Lewis So you guys have guests on and then they just join you and talking about guys they

fucked. Or just fucking enjoy. Right, right. There's a lot of talk about fucking. Is it always about fucking, is there fucking always on the show or can it be about something else? It can be about something else because there's only social things around insects everyone. Now do you talk about like have you been with girls?

I have. She has. Alright, let's talk about that for some time. What do you want to know? When were you with girls in chocolate talk slow please Don't be retarded slow Actually do that I thought it was my dad's You can have some of my own. See? Yeah, hang on, hang on.

Hi, Ralph. That's just right. Hi, there's a little gritty. Bring in the whiskey. All right, here's a good, you need whiskey? Let's get some bullet. Let him smoke. Bring in it, so fucked up with the end of this recording.

Here's a deal. Oh my god. I'm off this week. You smoke a little whiskey. You smoke a little whiskey. We're gonna have, if you wanna go smoke downstairs and come back up here. That's okay, I'm not out of it. I'm not this week. You're supposed to be. You're supposed to be. We're gonna have, if you want to go smoke downstairs and come back up here. That's a bad, absolutely. That's a bad, a lot.

That's a bad, I can tell. I said no to you three times. No, you're not a cab. We should do it though. I mean, I don't. It's fine. You told me, you lied to me. You told me my friend said you could do it.

Now you tell me you're going to, well, then you're manipulative. You go, dude, I'll do it in the bathroom by the toilet. I'll blow it in the toilet. Imagine when you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're you tell me you're gonna, well, now you're manipulating, you go, dude, I'll do it in the bathroom by the toilet. I'll blow it in the toilet. Imagine what you're like to date, man. So you've been with a woman?

Yes. And how when was it? I created a OKCupid profile to try and... She was recently. Fuck a girl. No, no, no, it was like six years ago. So you weren't with a guy at the time? No, I was single.

So you, no, do you find... I wanted to know. I masturbated to lesbian porn, so I was like, maybe I'm gay. Right. So I just wanted to find out. I have it. I don't. I'm gay.

I don't like that. That's a hot voice. Maybe I'm gay. I don't know. I'm gay. Yeah, I don't like eating pussy at all. Why? Because it just, it doesn't turn me on.

I'm supposed to eat a little bit. I almost didn't eat a girl's pussy that I met on OKCupid. She was, and she was a lesbian. So I was kind of like, you're my little experiment. And she's kind of, you know, I think it's like kind of like sashimi. You just have to kind of get used to it. The texture. I was talking about it.

I started talking about this in my act because I had the baby. And then she sexes shut down. There's no foreplay when you fucking to make a life. You just kind of coming in it and, you know, what you're supposed to do. Well, yeah, because it gets, it becomes at the point what we didn't do for, she wasn't getting pregnant. So it was getting like, we get, we get to really focus in on just trying to make it and shit.

Yeah, it was, it was, it was a combination of fucking nuts. And then we, so we didn't have, I didn't go down on her for a long time. And then after she had the baby, you have to wait a certain amount of time. And then after that, but after I've have to wait a certain amount of time and then after that. But after I've seen what a vagina really does and then I got to go back on it, you know, I forgot that when I first went down on pussy, it took me a while to get desensitized to the fact that I'm opening up this vagina and you want me to lick it, it's like, go world fuck yourself.

But then what happens is you get, you're like like once you see what you can do to a woman then you start man and up and and then it's like Whatever it's like watching to be heading if you watch 19 of them You know what I mean? Yeah, and then you become the guy on fear factor You're gone. That's horrible. Yeah throw it in fucking do you guys really think that vagina is that repulsive, like going into it? I'll tell you, vagina. We're more younger, yeah. Yeah?

Well, no, it's a foreign. I mean, the pens on the pussy. It depends on the pussy and who's is it? Think about what you do. Who's attached to that pussy? Yes, that's a huge deal. They're Christian, forget it. In reality.

I mean, scientifically and biblically whatever, you're not supposed to lick a pussy, you're supposed to put your penis in and come in it and make a life. I mean, that's supposed to suck a dick either then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what? All right, all right, all right, easy. Let's use it the whole for the show

or not the views that I'm going. I'm gonna say, I know you're not, you're not supposed to. There's no functionality to do. You're not supposed to. And we came up with this for ourselves. So to go down on a fucking vagina is pretty, you're opening up a human being's body.

I mean, there's a hole and you're opening it up and then you want me to fucking lick it. And I'm like, do you clamp or vagina open? I know, I actually have a super clamp from P&A. Oh, I actually put a super clamp from P&A Grit, grit, grit, you need a clamp on the left I was like how deep inside are you going? Yeah, you're talking about surf, I see It's something that you have to just fucking get used to

Well, yeah, you guys see how many poses have you eaten? None, but I mean I'm spending my own come We've all done that because That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Really? Very quick. Very quick. But in hate, they were just special.

No, I've tasted my own come as yeah, but it's totally different. You know because you went on a pussy. But you're going into something. No, she never ate a pussy. Well, I liked her pussy. You did. But I didn't like go hard on her. That's what you're talking about. And it was fucking gross, right? It was a little weird. It's weird and it's it's gross

But then you get over it because you get you get less freaked out the more you do it had I done it more often It becomes about pleasing that person so it's like I don't give a fuck with a different game That's like how do you think you get to asshole? Who the fuck you not suppose you are not supposed to be that Really fun literally Shit comes out asshole. And for some way, we got to it where we went fuck that. I'm eating this asshole. I don't care if shit, she just shit.

I'm gonna let you off. No, no, no, no. Are you guys a pussy? That's a shower game only. You like to co-lie. Do you like your asshole eat now? I used to, my asshole shut down like a Russian circus My assholes shut down like a Russian circus do Russian circus is close

I just say something you're just resenting because I fucking trashed you earlier because the Lewis thing. Yeah, it was a good Trashing I know but you that was a terrible fuck your joke. What whoever gets this shitty comment gets the guts Love is says a bad fucking stinker gets the bomb and you you've been on the show five times show five times. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I was my thing. I used to love to get milk. That was my thing. I love to get milked. Procce milking. You know, yeah. Well, no. So reach around. No, milking is, I know with that milking, you talk about, I'm talking about,

I would love a girl from pulling my dick from the back, suck me off, from behind and eat my ass. I'm so, so you're here. My bad, I'm hungry. I'm facing out my looking, say I'm on the train train. Tromb by looking say I'm on the train train Trombone say I'm on the train tracks after a show in Boston

Okay I'm not gonna do And there's a girl I'm leaving up a really hot girl girl girl girl Hey fucking Gina's there you with that guy from the show you a wicked funny Thank you welcome. I would like to milk me I was I was going to put my hands up like I'm being arrested on this wall right now. My knees are weak.

Hands up, don't milk me. I want to take your sneakers off and put them under your knees. Is it hot? Yeah. So that's the love of that. Wait, she reaches around and chugs on your dick. Well, pulls my dick from, pulls it through my legs.

Oh, it's a buzz. From behind, pulls it through your legs, like you're talking your dick. Like I'm a fucking cow. Like she's pulling my other, milking. She's pulling my other through my dick, through my legs, as I'm on all fours, or say you're on all fours. And she's behind me where my ass hurts.

Right, I'm on my ass. And then she grabs my right through the legs are around the leg I'm fucking I'm not fucking Ricky through the window out the roof so she pulls it through the legs sucks me off and then eats my asshole back like it you're thinking

you probably like to push on your balls hang on I can't you guys talk about you probably like it because you push it pushes on your balls that's probably why can't you guys talk about you probably like it because you push it pushes on your balls That's probably why you liked it, right? I don't know you fucking That was funny I just said I'm out of train tracks Original man spreading

Kelly on the tracks and balls I just have girls just I just have gross just eat my ass. I mean that's good Oh fat well not I wouldn't do it anymore. Why? I don't know it's like my ass your ass is expired My it's just been closed for so long like I don't know if any of the right like a Russian circus I love that he made my joke. I like that. See how great comedy it is. Call it. I don't know, it's just, I, I, I, it'd have to be a special part, not my wife.

My wife now, she wanted to kiss me if I ate onions. Oh, all right. All right, lick my fucking dirty dripping butthole. I mean, that sounds horrible. Yeah, no, I mean, when you put it that way, yeah. Well, I like a dripping. No, I'm, it should be sweet. When you put it that way, yeah. Well, I like it dripping. No, I'm, I told you, I told the story. I had a porn star in Kansas City,

a Stanford in the sun. Did you ever play that room? Back in the day when it was downtown and there was like a bullet hole in the fucking window and it was crazy, right? That's where porn stars live. One of them did. Okay.

What? She was at the, she was at the, she was at the town porn. porn actress. She was taking care of her mother. But the milkman and the was that good. She was the talent porn actress. She was taking care of her mother. She was the milkman and the porn star and the... Sorry, no, sorry, don't worry about me. I was waiting for you to be done.

Ha, ha, ha. So she, she, no, she was back in town from LA. She's from there and she was talking about how she loved to eat ass, but I go, I love my ass. I mean, we'll be having this conversation. I'm like, this is the best night of my life. So she goes, I'll eat your ass. I go, will you?

I go, I love it. She goes, okay. So I, she goes, I this conversation, I'm like, this is the best night of my life. So she goes, I'll eat your ass. I go, will you? I go, I love it. She goes, okay. So I, she goes, I gotta go. I'm like a favor now. Yeah. Will you? All right. When she goes, I'll meet you later.

I gotta go hang out with the club owners. Whatever they're gonna do, blow or something. I'm not into that. So I'll meet you back in my hotel. I ran back to the hotel. I washed my ass. I made my ass so pretty. So with a wash cloth or your finger like you.

A finger with a wash cloth around my finger. Like a cute tip. I'm I was so pretty. With a washcloth or your finger like you. It finger, the washcloth around my finger. Like a cute tip. I'm gonna ask you to take my day. You're like he was going to prom with soap though. And then that girl was like BRB, gotta go eat Bobby Kelly's ass real quick. So tough. I remember it.

I remember it. It was actually hot. It was really hot. So I went in, I lied in the bed and my ass was great. And then, so an hour or so, I'm fine. I had to go wash it again, because it was like, I was getting hot and nervous, and she's not showing. I was like, what's the best?

I washed it like three, I kept washing it, till I fell asleep, like with my, just legs open. Oh, like I had no more cobbles left to wash. But she never showed up. Oh, that's the saddest story I've ever heard. That's the saddest story I've ever heard. That's a sad story. That's the last hole that could.

You didn't even jerk off. No. I was edging. Do you put your finger up your own ass? I'm not any more now. That was back in the day. Yeah, not anymore. I'm so afraid to put stuff in my ass.

Now I don't want to get cancer. I had one girl look my ass. There was no sexual gratification from it. It was just like, there was no sexual gratification from it. It was just like, it was like, looking my knee. No. It feels really good. There's a lot of nerve endings in your ass. But you gotta do it right.

Yeah, it's playing him how ass eating is done. You just gotta be slow and take your time and ease up to it. Oh, he does. It's like the trendiest thing right now to eat ass. Hang on, really? I thought you were talking to each other. What did you say, Ricky? I just, I'll eat ass, I won't let it. I want a trendy thing right now to be touched hang on I just like I'll eat ass. I won't let it Touch never but you'll eat somebody's ass every time and why don't you want your ass?

Why don't you want your ass? Just because they can't get you with those pants. What? Just not my life, man. I just, this big head, it's weird. It's weird. It's a gross face. It's weird. Yeah, man. Let me do it to you.

Let's go. Maybe get a brown show yet. It's done. So, so you get your ass eaten? Yeah. You like it? Yeah, my ass is like my, that's my thing. It's your go to.

Really? Yeah. I have a great ass. ass so and I'm flat chested So yeah, I am my breasts are great, but they're I don't very own it's good to like to talk about yeah She Christina see me naked I can stand up naked. Yeah, what is that? You do stand up naked the great show the naked show. Yeah, it was fine. I was there comfortable naked I'm not proud of it. I kind of what I didn't go. I stopped talking over each other. Jesus Christ, scope, oh, you know better. I'm going to be back to the band-in. I don't know what is the naked podcast. So you wait a second. You got naked on a show,

a comedy show. Yeah, it's the naked show. Everyone has to be naked to be on the show. And you were there too? Oh, I was front row center. You naked? No, I was just playing a thing. You were naked because you have a boyfriend. Oh, I can get naked. Were there any act outs you had to do that were like different? Like a show list joke that we were going to be naked.

If your tampon falls out. Oh. Oh. Oh. This doesn't come out of my time. I didn't flick my labia at one point. I was just like, let's do this. Hey, hey, wow.

Yeah. You can flick it? Yeah, because I, yeah, there's a lot of body shaving. So I always talk about my, I have a larger vagina. So I always talk about it. And Al is, Norton does love that. We ponds it over meaty pussy for sure. Yeah.

That's right. He likes it. It looks like somebody has a hamburger in a yoga pants I'm not a I'm not a fan of that. He likes camel. Not at all. I had a bad experience though with a girl with a meaty pussy One of her wing one of her way I called a wing because one of her vagina lips was bigger than the right one So as I was eating her pussy I pulled away and it was still with me It was like a it was like a bat wings. Right. It gets real thin, but then you pull it out of the...

Oh, yeah. It was like gating pussy. Yeah, and then she goes, oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, but... What the fuck? Fill me in. How do you mention that doughnut conversation? Oh, it's clearly longer. Like, it could, it had a little bump at the end, so it could have got stuck in between

my teeth. Oh, Jesus. I don't know what it was. I don't know about her bass. Like it could it had a little bump at the angst or could have got stuck in between my teeth a bum What it was I don't know about her It was a bad experience. I'm sorry. It was bad experience But I I it changes though vagina vatch changes with me a lot because I used to love the any the the any vatch that little Two yeah, I love that I love that but I started like it. You also love the lips. I like the lips. Yeah, they're both great. Big and small boobs. You got to get both awesome. I like little boobs too. I like a small titty, but I love a droopy titty. Big and small. A droopy titty. I like a tip that obges, do dugs. Okay. Like you just take them out of the table. Yeah, like you got, you got,

you got. They're double d's with a natural. They're almost, they got a little droop, so. Oh, oh. Oh, pick them up, pick them up. But all the natural large breasts have droop, too, wait, that's how you know it's a real brass. Like a firm fucking bee cup, I'd rather take a big titty that has a little bounce to it than a firm bee cup.

Yeah, yeah. Or I'd rather take a fucking A cup. I like a nice A cup. I like a cup. I like a little fucking boy. I'm gonna go far. I like a riggy, riggy test.

I'm gonna go far. If it's too flat it throws me off. If they're riding me I look at it's like, that's just like a boy's chest. And then you get harder. And then he comes, like I'm doing with that. Oh, sorry.

And you look down, you don't see balls and you fucking deflate. Oh. Not again. So yeah, I mean, now that you're, you're going to run out of people you fucked at some point. At some point. And you're going to meet somebody too. You're going to meet a guy at some point.

Am I? Because I don't think so. Why not? If she did it, why couldn't you? No, it's not like it's not like a side point. I've been in a lot of relationships for most of my life. I've been five years or two years. I'm kind of just in a different point right now. Do you think it's going to like hinder your dating? Oh, 100% does.

Yeah, absolutely. You do not want to get into relationships, so you got to keep it going. No, no. I just got to find the guy with no parents. No. Onbearance. Onbearance. No, no, no. Yeah, it's not about that. It's the hobo from the tracks and boss. con bolotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? Oh, yo creo que... Yo estoy muy pequiado, yo he datado a personas, yo he datado a alguien I'm very, I'm very picky. I've dated people. I dated someone for a year, but I mean, the podcast is a huge problem. Like, no, it's intimidating. You talk about them in the pocket. They don't, they don't like it. Like, they're not going to trust you. They're not talking about it. I don't, I don't talk about anyone by name unless they give me permission to, but I do talk about, I mean, I make up, I make up my name. That's nice to you.

Well, I mean, because they're mostly comics, they, it's not like illegal for me to talk about them, and it's like their public figures I can, but. They're married, it's dope. Let's move on from that topic. Yeah. You know what I want to, I want to, I want to date somebody and not tell them on the comic. I want to date someone,

like what do you do? Like ask some job, whatever. Like go out with them. Why are you ever around at night? Don't worry about it. Oh yeah, I'm a superhero. That's it. I said, why you just do a set. That's good. That was it. That's good. Oh't worry about it. I'm a superhero. I said why you just do a set.

That was good. That was a my experience. Anyways, well listen, I think you can meet somebody but this is definitely going to be a problem because I mean you locked out your guy doesn't give a shit. Yeah he likes to buy a cast. He listens to it. Yeah he goes on it. You might have to out, your guy doesn't give a shit. Yeah, he likes to buy a cast, he listens to it. Yeah, he doesn't give a shit. He goes on it, right? Yeah, he's on it. You might have to meet that guy who doesn't give a fuck. Well, exactly. Well, I need to have any money.

A secured dude. Would you be intimidated? Yes, yes. But if a girl had like a guy's money. If my wife, this is different to my wife who I've known for 20 years, and a chick I'm banging. That's, yeah. But a girl that you might date, that would be the same.

A girl that you might date, I wouldn't give a fuck about. At all, do whatever you fuck you want. If your girl was on the radio talking about my girl or a chick of dating. Her former sex life. Like how far along in this relationship? I'd say six months in. Six months not a gun and give a fuck.

Yeah, who cares? Just talking about a former sex life. I don't know what the hang up, you don't want to say that. I talk about what I do. Exactly, of course not, yeah. No bullshit, you know what I mean? Exactly. Of course not. Yeah. No bullshit. You know what? If my wife won't have secured it. If my wife won on their show and started yapping about me,

I'd be like, you're out of your fucking mind. I'm crap. I'm not even good. I come in and fucking cut them my... Wow. I sit like you're gonna punch them. And then I make her eat their pussies. Make your wife eat our pussies? Yeah, my porn you get all right, that's like every I'll try it. That's every porn when they get mad. What are you doing with you?

That's the baby's her pussy now I call you into pussy now eat her asshole How are you gonna get punished by fucking sucking his dick? That's great. I think it's good that you guys are doing that. And I think it's, I mean, I don't know how far, how far do you think that's gonna go? Do you think it's gonna, do you think it's gonna be better for you

that you're actually, is it working out that you're being that free talking about everything? Yeah, yeah. You get more shows, more stand-up shows and stuff? A lot of our standard shows, a lot of industry people listen to the podcast, which is cool. A lot of sex and comedy industry. Yeah and a lot of big projects in the works because you do want can you mention any? No why? Because they we can't just saying how many normal things that you would say. Things that

happen when you do something good. You guys really like what? You can't talk about it. Stores like you can hit your own show? Like I don't know. Maybe, hopefully. Maybe a show show, like on a radio show show. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. There's a lot of things that are possible. You're gonna move on from the podcast.

You're always gonna do the podcast. I don't think we're always gonna do the podcast. The podcast will have a natural end, for sure. Really, so it's gonna end someday. Yes. You will move on. I am not doing guys, we're talking about. Talking about fucking it. Yeah. I am not doing guys. We're talking about. That's my life. No, I'm talking about fucking.

You're two years old, yeah. You're five. That's it, Bob. You get a podcast going and you're like, well, I want to do something else now. You know, can you walk away from it and do something else? It's weird. No, I think. You got a lot of fans like hardcore.

I think about that with this show. It's like, you know, I go on vacation once in a while. As somebody else, you know, you've filled in, scored most filled in. I think about that day where it's like, what if I, what if I, I'm into Westchester. Oh, you are. I knew the Westchester.

Yeah. I just put them down here, and it's easier. It's a half hour, dude. Why did you leave early this morning? He walked there and leave. He flew out here. I made it, I could make it to 79th Street

from my house in a half hour. All right, where on the doogle. Really? Yeah, at the point. And there was, you hit the track and it got the West Side Hot. And hour 42. That's all that.

I love that. It's Paul Verzi, Paul Verzi. I know where he lives, right? I know he, he's always, Dude, take me half hour. He calls everybody. Yeah, for 47. I have a backyard.

I have a backyard. There was a deer out there though today Depression Do a thing where I'm so much of the bus, but it doesn't think we go if Paul Verzi met the men an alien like he And he goes up and he goes, you guys got like the giants up here and stuff like that. You watch football, can I watch football with you guys?

He told them he got so mad. We're like, hey, we do this thing on our podcast. It's you meeting the aliens. And he was like, oh, all right. We're like, cool. You guys smoke a stick. You smoke, you guys are gonna stick in the back. He's my friend Bob Kelly.

He's on his pop, but still going to smoke a stick by the fight. Okay, you green bastard head over here. Let's do this. I am so much fun to do. Yeah, Versi is the best. I love how much he loves his place. Well, he has a thing. He lives half hour further than me.

Oh, really? So when he was one of your line. Well, this is the thing, he lives half hour further than me. Oh really? So when he was one of you or a line. Well, this is what I told somebody. Somebody said to me, they were like, dude, there's no, I was on a radio show and they were like, dude, there's no fucking way. I go, yes, but that's what we do when you move out of the city. You cut off 15 minutes from wherever the fuck it really is.

You take 15 minutes off, go back to the office. 30 minutes ago from the East Village. I grew up in Long Island. I swear to God, I've made it 30 minutes to get here from the East Village. I grew up in the island I swear to I can I've made it honest to God. I've timed it from my house from around noon No traffic. Yeah, I don't have to go to here to here to here. I can make it here with around 45 minutes That's great because I have no you have no tunnels of bridges I'm coming up the west side. Hi, we saw Mill how long ago did you move out there? I No tunnels of bridges. I'm coming up the west side. Hi, we saw Mill how long ago did you move out there?

I moved out there a year over here ago. What does saw Mill mean? saw Mill, so I'm a part way. You can come up to my house. Are you back in New York? Are you still trying to make it? We got it Australia and Bangkok and I mean Thailand and then I'm back for a while. So yeah, I'll do the summer Let's part with some I got a big barbecue guy. You guys are all invited except So yeah, I'll do a summer. Let's part with some. I got a big barbecue guy. You guys are all invited except You family bro, I want you to get first family Is he Arab or Indian or Mexican Indian Indian? Yeah, I actually thought he was from like Star Wars,

one of those little creatures. He's like, oh, the little ones. The little ones. The little ones. The little ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, wow.

Dude, but what is up with your, what is going, what is this thing you're doing with your face? The mustache shaving? Indian Wolverine always tell me, you always tell me to not shave the mustache and after careful deliberation. Yeah.

You practice this speech, didn't you? Yes. Yeah. When he's talking over the words. Yeah. Carry Madden himself right now. There was a mirror involved. He didn't bury it.

No one says careful deliberation on a fly. I love it. I shaved my face like this. I love it. God damn it. I love Ari's fucking Woody Allen's face. Just get abandoned without blood, you're fucked. I love I love ari's fucking Woody Allen face Yeah, I don't I'm sensitive about that. Are you really? I'm not sensitive about my nose. Is there a hurry you're on the line? I've seen his dick and his nose and his dick are fucking very sensitive.

Band-aid with a blunt. The sides of your nostrils, your nuts and the fucking, your actually your nose hanging down is your dick. I swear to God, that's what it is. Remember when I say your dick look like a Jewish guy? I see the face. It's you, the face. Let's go to the chat room real quick. Wow. I'm gonna say you dick look like a Jewish guy. I see you. You're a bitch.

Let's go to the chat room real quick. Wow. Let's see what the chat room's saying. What do we got? You got the Bobby chat room and my chat room. Sure. Yeah. Fuck your TV says,

Ari's Jew smuggling tactics won't work for a Puerto Rican. Ari's Jew smuggling tactics won't work for, oh, for Lewis. Oh, for Lewis? Yes, they will. This girl does it too. I do it all the time No, I'm not sure she's yeah, but she's not Puerto Rican They're not looking for Puerto Ricans and you absolutely will get and if he didn't get through it

I'm gonna tell him it's the worst mistake he made since having that baby New York Way to middle-ward. I can't get so many hate when people talk bad about his kid. Wait a minute. I'm not a kid I'm talking about a decision to carry to turn You are great. Why do you think it's I have a kid and I love it. I think it's great Do I talk about your kid your kid was the right decision? great. Do I talk about your kid? Your kid was the right decision. I'm not against children. Why is my kid right? What do I feel bad about that career? You're doing that. I just don't want Lewis raising a child, and that you're doing. Fuck you, Lewis! What else we got?

Mr. Bill does says, anyone else who knows that the anorexic kid is wearing his hat like a lawn gnome. You know what? This is great. Good one Mr. Bill! Good one Mr. Bill! Take it you idiot! I wore a hat one Mr. Bell. Pick it you a dill in price lines. I wore this.

I wore a hat one time on TV. The internet blew the fuck up on how angry they have been on it since then. I won't take it off. Fuck that. I'll piss off everybody. We've got to hit perfectly on and perfectly off. Yeah, that's what it is. It's so far back.

Sean Donnelly about me dressing again. Yeah. It's fishnably on. Hey listen, you got some little girls sticking it on. You, John, you like the gay couple and modern family Settle down Besides it's me and you not worry about what I wear Me and you are not competing Sean

Uh, Andrew Jackson says Bobby should be on this is not happening. I'm, alright. He was coughing. Oh yeah, my story tells show. Well, the problem is Bobby is a white male. So, thank you all for telling me all of them. There's too many stories. I know, I'd love to have you on. I really white.

Not really. I want to take you a, yeah, I'm not really. Well, you could, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm the bald, I'm the bald fat dog. The bald one. Okay. Wow. Okay. Well, I guess next season you get picked up. Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe I haven't thought about it. But like, honestly, we didn't really bring anybody from New York because of the flights and stuff, but we will next year, I think. I didn't even think about that. Now I'm offended. Yeah, only Big J. You flew Big J out there. His story was really good.

I mean, the one thing I fought for, it's like, I like, you got Big J. He is fucking a great storytell though Yeah, even did he have his mittens on they make him take him off. No, he had a moment It was a 98 degrees. He's a heatwave. No way. Yeah, so he brought his rayon gloves Exactly He is fucking under armor mittens I just I just want to go on the row with him.

I want to book a tour. It's an amazing tour. I want to give him so much money, and I want to go on tour. And as we go, I want to, I want to, the first night, break into his room and cut all his mittens in the trash. So just to see him, every town, land, and run to a mall to try to find mittens. Oh, no, just to run into hot topics.

Do you have mittens? I just knew, I get gloves, I get mucizzards. Hot topic. He left his cut-offs in a dinner route at South by Southwest and he told me that hey, can you bring them to the show? Can you please not tell anyone about that? No. And I was, excuse me guys, his fingerless gloves are on the floor.

I'm gonna get big J's fingerless gloves. He's just straight with your shin gloves. And then when I get out of the club, we take some off the eat. Yeah, I take some off the eat. Oh, that's pretty good. Are they functional? Yeah, and this is eating like,

is it just right? Is it like for a reason? Oh, God, I can't say. Yeah, because he's garbage people, that's the reason. He comes from the worst kind of trash. He's the best he comes from the worst kind of trash the garbage bill are he's fucking a civil war civil rights fucking face you look like you just got back from a civil rights rally trying to defend

black people like those three Jews that were strung up there was a Jewish occupy wall street what do we got in the Bobby chat? Oh, you just want to read what you seem hyped up about your. Yeah, I had to think lined up. Go ahead. Go ahead. We had a question for the guys we

fucked. The girls from the guys we fucked. Not the guys we fucked. Thank you. These are the guys we fucked. These guys. All of these guys. Sorry about that.

The question is, who gives the better blow job? Oh, I've a good, pretty good Bobby. I don't, I'm not mean to have a blowjob. Yeah, there was one guy right. Let's call. I give a good blowjob. Blow that guy. Yeah, no way. I'll tell you right now.

I'll tell you right now. I'll tell you. It's so good. I was like, my comedy central award. And Donald, I'll do it as like the, the, the placebo. Well, we have a budget. Unfortunately, my comedy central award. And Donald Lille, too, as like the placebo. Well, we have a budget digs. Unfortunately, on my podcast, we have a ton of digs in the studio. Oh, yeah.

No, I want to know. Spandish, so good. Okay, so what is your, what you say you give a great blow job? You give a great blow job, right? I do, but I give less. I like 100%. So that's not a great blow. No, no, no, no, no, no. She selected a number of blow jobs given. Oh, she, I'm less. I like 100%. So that's feel I love it when I love you.

It's very intimate. I don't know oh she 26 how long you been a relationship? Almost three years how many girls have you had sex within your life? I don't have the number Is it in your calculator doesn't go that high? I wish choke No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yeah, good good number. So you give you give you probably give better because you love it I like doing that is the key to give you a good blow job Yeah, if you love sucking a dick that's the key if a chick sucking you you can tell a chick sucking a dick Just a sucky dick But when a chick is sucking a dick because she fucking loves it. I don't think there's anything better Well exactly and that's why I don't need to do it to people

I love because I don't like to do things unless I'm gonna do them really well Right, but when I was single I would rather get a blowjob from a chick after a show than banger. How do you just get the blowjob though? I never heard about it. Yeah, and she doesn't even take off my pants. You start with the blowjob and then it's like, and then that's gonna be, I get in a car or something.

But like anywhere in the apartment. In New York City to just get ahead, it's very easy because what you do is you go to some fucking coffee shop. Okay, you don't go to a bar. You go to a coffee shop. You shoot the shit, hopes and dreams, all that garbage. Real pain. I know. My dream is going to blow job from you. And then you walk and then you walk around you walk make sure it's late fucking people around, but kind of dying down. And then there's you into her fucking vestibule, her doorway or some fucking little alley

or something somewhere, you make out real passionate and you finger pop them a little bit and then you take your dick out and they're gonna suck it. Because they know they can't fuck it. They're not gonna fuck it. They're not gonna fuck you outside, but they're so wound up, they're like, I'm gonna suck a dick and they'll put it in their mouth.

But that's just, if you're like outside, how do you do that in a cab? In a cab? No, not the cab. In a cab. In a department? Get the start to finish blow, Joe. It's harder to do that in a department because it's a bed. Right.

And you can actually have said this safety so you can actually have sex, but here's what you do. You eat their pussy. You just eat the fucking pussy. You can just make a pop. She keeps on. And then after they come, they're really not going to want to fuck you. They're going to be like, and they just make a pop and then after they come they're really not gonna want to fuck you They're gonna be like and they just make a second day

They suck your dick and then you're done and then you can always say I don't want to have I don't want to have sex yet Let's just fool around I really pull that whole fucking John Travolta thing Yeah, I just oh my god. Yeah, and, you're gonna go, wow, he's sensitive. Yeah, I just wanna- Oh my God. Yeah, and then they're gonna go, yeah, me and me. Okay, and then you eat the pussy again. If they get it wowed up, you eat the pussy again. Make them come again. And then you shut it down.

And then you go fucking raid their fridge and take a hike. Wow. Wow. Okay, I would do that. I would do that. Yeah, that was actually pretty smart. I have very smart stuff. I have to take a shower.

I have to take a shower. What? I have to take a shower. Oh, come on. I agree, I agree. I don't wanna stink like it. I don't want no. I have to take a shower. I have to take a shower. I have to take a shower. I don't want to stink like it. I don't want no. We raped. Are you the kind of guys who just get up right after a sex?

No. You might have to take a shower. No, I sit in that shit for weeks. For at least a couple of days. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no's not. No, no, no, no, not my life. So when you change your pants, it's like, oh, I actually, yeah, I'm on bad. I already actually have those. Smell your dick.

And you get it on your belly. It's on your belly. Ari smells, he sells the cheese after a sense. At the farmer's market in Union. Oh, damn. We're gonna take a break right now. Before we go to break, I wanna go around the room and really quickly you guys tell people

where they can reach you on Twitter, or Facebook and what you guys get coming up. We're gonna go to the chat room when we come back. So make sure you have any questions for anybody here. Oh, you wanna talk about anything? Oh, I'm Kuth. I'm Kuth, really? Yeah, Jesus Christ.

Just fucking soldier dick cheese. You're a father of hell. That was the one. That was the one. That was the line. Um, uncouth, really? Jesus Christ. Just fucking soldier dick cheese. The powder. That was the one I'd approved was the line. That was about nerds. So what do you got, what do you get coming up? Well, I give volume on Twitter. It's Christina Hutch, but it's K-R-Y-S-T-Y-N-A.

Okay. And then just some shows that I don't have on top of my head, but look, just listen to guys we fucked on iTunes. iTunes song cloud, yes. Yeah. Yes, and my, our Twitter handle is S to guys we fought the night tunes. I tuned Song Cloud. Yes. Yes. And our Twitter handle is SRY about last NYT to fall. Together, my Twitter handle is philanthropy gal. Just really to annoy Alexis Guerrero.

So I have a monthly show in your comedy club called Nacho Bitches. Where is that at? New York comedy club. Oh, new, and I heard new comedy clubs actually. It's turned around. It turned around. Emilio came in and he was like,

I know, I started going in there. Emilio came and changed. He wants you to go back. He puts legit people. Yeah, really good show. Really good show. Good to go. Yeah. It's a it's a fray.

They changed it, but it's like Friday is at 11.45. It's a monthly show. You might be able to do it. Open invite for you anytime you want. It's a really fun show. Yeah, way better. Gary Goldman's on that. Yeah.

I'm a little bit. Oh, I made a bigger. I can't wait to say they expanded the room a little bit.lems on that. Yeah. I like. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. What'd you say? They expanded the room a little bit. They made it really good. Yeah. All right. I might go back last time. There's a green room. I fucking go that way. I mean, the last time I was there was probably 15 years ago. Wow. And I went in and they gave me the side little little room there. A side room. And I went on

and I'm doing my set. And as I'm doing my set, my time was up. He turned the mic off. What the fuck? To get me off. Ooh, like it's just the guy who didn't like me or something. So he turns, and I'm like, I'm sitting there and I start a treatment, I go, you motherfucker.

I was like, who's in my movie? That's so rude. That's the movie. I was literally a hallway. That was a hallway. I was like, suck my dick. I that was a hallway I was like suck my dick I'm never coming back to this fucking place ever yeah, and I never did never fucking ever went back to that shit Con't place ever but it's much improved So he's a good kid he smart. He's young. He really likes comedy. I know Milio Savon

I'm just liking because he's one of yours? What do you mean? I just know from that part of the world. He's Italian. Oh really? He's more me than rich. Yeah, Sean. What do you got? Is that why you like every other comedy club because What do you got on Twitter? I'm at show anytime. I have at show anytime at Shawnee time. I have at Shawnee time at C.A.N. Y.T.M.I.A. So cute. So cute.

I love them. Yeah, that's great. And then I have a podcast called My Dumb Friends with Dan Saint-Romane, who's a comic. And very funny dude. And then at the end of the month, I'm going to be in Reno. And then Chicago. There'll be a catcher rising star and then Zane's.

Oh, Reno, I've done that. Reno, it's fun. It's the money sucks, but it's fun. No, it's an all right room. It's a good room. Yeah, I like it. It's a good room. And that's my second time gone.

I went fly fishing out there last time. The guy calls me up, tweets me, he goes, Hey, I know you're into fly fishing, you want to go. I said, absolutely, he picks me up at four in the morning. I get it. I come on. Stranger. But a fan, and he goes, it's a truck. It's a fucking truck.

And the guy is in it and I'm like, oh shit. Like, hey, what's up? And I get in this thing and we went way the fuck in the middle of nowhere on a reservation. Sounds like hours away. It's a little over an hour, far away, and the sun wasn't even up yet. I mean, this car, I was like, I made a mistake. Like, it's dark off. I'm in a truck going into an Indian reservation. This is a fucking episode of Long March.

Do you move the rest of that? I fucked up. and then we get there and it's like, you know, I love fly fishing. This is called ladder fishing, where he has ladders, and you walk them out into the water, and it's a ladder with a seat on top of it. So you sit there and deep water? So you sit there and deep water. How do you get there by boat? No, you walk out, and you up to your, like, tits, you put the ladder down, then you climb up the ladder,

you sit down and you just can't go out. And then you walk out, and you walk out, and you walk boat? No, you walk out and you up to your tits. You put the ladder down, then you climb up the ladder, you sit down and you just cast. And dry off. It was just hanging out. Wow, that's cool as fuck. It was beautiful.

Because first of all, being out there in Reno, when the sun comes up, it's like you're on Mars. You're on another fucking planet. It's all red rock and it's crazy. And it was cool, but then after a while, it was like this is the most boring thing I've ever done in another fucking planet. It's all red rock and fuck, it's crazy. And it was cool, but then after a while, it was like, this is the most boring thing I've ever done in my fucking life. How can I say I'm gonna say,

if you're not drinking, if you're not drinking, if you're not drinking or doing drugs, that's a whole different experience. We didn't catch one fucking fish. Oh, that's so hard. That's the worst when you go fishing and no one catches it. We fished like the Vellaggio Bond. There was a rock, we finally put the ladders away

and there was this big fucking rock. And there was actual Indians on it. And they didn't want, they would go fuck, no fuck you. This is, you can't come up here. Really? Yeah, it was a little scary. They whispered to the face. Yeah, not fucking deep hoops.

Yeah. No, no, no, no. Video guys. Not the, not, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the backer help. So now I know, not to go you, the fuel could back her to help. So now I know, so now I know not to go fly fishing when I go back there. No you should go.

I mean it was great. I mean the best fly What's the difference? What's the difference? Tell the word. Brooklyn, you kidding me? He's better than that. All right, what do you got besides it? Awful nose.

I'm glad on it. I'm here for a while. I'll be at the stand in the cellar. I'm glad you're back, dude. Yeah, it's a glad to be back. As soon as I'm walking around, I was like, oh yeah, this place is great. And I'm going Australia and all that stuff, but my- What do you know about Australia?

Melburn. Not what? Melbin. I love that he thought he said it wrong. Yeah. He added the accent. Melbin. Melbin.

Melbin. And it's Sydney and Brisbane, but I think I have to cancel Sydney and Brisbane. And now it's at a my show. I don't have to fucking deal with your fans. I have to fucking deal with your fans. Can you replay? You did, you did. You can find me on iTunes if you look at the top rankings, I'm always one spot above

RiotCast. Um. Um. Are you on Death Squad or are you just by yourself? No, we're on the Althons Comedy Co-Up. What the fuck is that? That's a poor each other. That's a poor each other. I haven't mentioned that. What's that? It's just to support each other and everywhere. You're on the Althons comedy comedy co-op. What the fuck is that? He's just support each other and everywhere

We look out for each other really like how we when we try to get advertised we try to get them for the entire network instead of just for Individuals we do that to small it's great. We never pretty. We don't call it a co-op, we just call it a network. That's because you're so... Let's do it. Yeah. Well, the first name was Cole. Go ahead, say it. I was gonna say because you're so uneducated, you don't know the word you should be using as co-op,

it's an of network now. It's not high. I thought myself, you may push me into it. I got it. I don't think a judge is the word though, is it? I don't know. Stupid. Stupid, yeah. It comes't think I'll judge you. It is the word though. Is it I don't know stupid stupid? Yeah I like like an educated Is that all you got I'm on Twitter and stuff you're in Hong Kong though, right? I'm in Hong Kong

What you going to Hong Kong Thailand Thailand? Yeah, are you going there for pussy or shows? Well, I'll tell you why lady boys is nothing to do with pussy. I'm gonna go to a kickboxing fight with like four ladyboys in my arm. Really? Live large. We've produced 70s video. Who's an American walking in? Oh, man.

Do you like ladyboys? No, but I mean, I wanna see what the fuss is all about. Right. They're supposed to be really pretty and I know they know the way around a dick. And we know you do too. Yeah. It's probably a dick injury, you know? Yeah, I was just the way around a dick. And we know you do too. Yeah, probably a dick injury, you know. Yeah, I was just saying here with a dick.

I'm like 50-50 on trying it. I'm like, if I really want to challenge my homophobic, why not start with someone who looks like a beautiful woman? You would make some lot of stuff into that game. Let me sense. Why not try it? You heard the greatest thing? Are you gonna, are you talking to me about this?

I don't know, I might, I might not. It's a new superclimity that they have. That's gonna hold me back. You know the greatest I think are you gonna are you talking to me about this? I don't know I might have my not it's a new superclimity they have that's gonna hold me back They got I've been researching there superclimity and it's the only thing holding them back not the dick part of it Fucking burns it off Ricky what do you got? I'm so super clean with you I'm just pretty much in New York I'm doing my first weekend stress factory

April 30th yeah I'm real pumped about that That's gonna be really cool You doing the April 30th? Yeah, how many shows? I don't know because I'm giving the Fridays to Tom Arnold or the Friday to Tom Or yeah, so I'm doing I'm doing like four There's a saddest on here so Tom's coming in from one show. Yeah, on Fridays and then we got the rest of weekend

That's the guy from Rosanne The seller has been real good to me lately. I've been there pretty much every week. And the show and yeah, the nightly show every night. Have you started seeing people come out to your shows? Because of that. You know what? Yes and no.

I think it. That means no. I've heard of it. It's very good. It's usually the breaking point that I've seen in between year two and year three of a show is and people really start coming out They start noticing like oh you're this guy from that thing. Yeah, it's it'll take more people recognize you more This is our first hiatus so like we just went through like the first quarter of it

So it's been I want to talk about it when you come back. Yeah, cool definitely I want to talk about the show I want to talk about coming to Sandra. I want to talk about You know all this crazy shit that's going on the internet and fucking the daily show and... Trevor good stuff. Trevor, it's gonna be tight. It's gonna be good that he's, I think, taken over. I think he's fit to go out an hour long of black men.

I really want to talk about it as why we being infused with people from other countries doing the political satire for us. For us, John Oliver. That guy that took over for a letterman. I don't know. Well, it's actually started with Pierce Morgan, take it over for Larry King. And I wonder if Americans are going to accept it because they didn't with him. They didn't embrace it because somebody talking about our politics.

And John wasn't, you know, he didn't talk about America. He talked about the right wing or the left wing. He talked about us, but if he was bashing on me pretty much the right, and you know, sometimes these guys actually just bash America for what we are. And that sometimes you hear that because you're so patriotic, what the fuck are you saying? What the fuck are you doing? Get an accent, what the fuck that Trevor fuckin' say?

Who? What are you black or what? What the fuck are you saying? Get an accent. What the fuck that Trevor fuckin' say? Who? What are you black or white? Make a decision, boy. South Africa. South Africa. South Africa. South and America, motherfucker.

Anyways, what do I got there, Scopio? What the fuck was that? Oh, it's another building collapsing. The revolution is starting. It's out there and participate. It's starting. You think we really participate? No way. We'll lock the in. The revolution is starting. It's out there in the participate. Starting? You think we really participate? No way.

We'll lock the door. I don't think it here. We'll hear a knock. It's like, it's no arm. Let me in. Fuck you, you're on your own. You wouldn't let a smoke. I've got a joint in here.

Only one left. You just make it last. They start fucking us right away. We need a podcast for next month. I'm taking the fat one, which one? April 18, co-paving resort in Lakeville, Pennsylvania, April 23, 24, 25th, Moon Tower comedy. Can I just critique your drops right now for a second?

Here's the problem. When you say April 23, 24, the audience members that are listening haven't perked their ears up yet. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person.

I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm not going to be a person. I'm sorry. We got Boston coming up May 14th, 15th and 16th at Laf Boston. Welcome to our great new room, robbercally.com. Thank you. Robert Kelly live. Oh, wow, you're really fucking up too.

Fuck it up, man. I don't know what I'd like. Robert Kelly live. Robert Kelly live. Robert Kelly live. I've got a lot of tickets. For tickets, then we got Salt Lake City coming up June 18th of the 50 West Club.

That's cool. Yeah, I can't wait. Bring it my new sage rod, sage rod. And then later in June and August, we got New Haven and Bohemia and Belmore, New York at Long Island, which. Love those clubs. For all the garbage people, live a long time.

I really like you. That's not a club. That's bullshit. Put people on the line. I actually love doing. Should I be done them all day yet? Yeah, I like it. I love it, too.

There's people there, like. There's a lot of. Reveners, brokerage, they, you know, that club. That club used to suck. Yeah. And those really, then they took it over and they redid everything and they started bringing in fucking great acts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And middle acts like local fucking guys that are coming up next and the people that own it, the kids, all the kids who, they're fucking great. I love them and they treat you great. I remember I was there, the guy sent a limo to my house. To get you and bring you that. To get me and bring me back.

I was taking the train, I was like, I was like, oh, he was like, oh, way right here and he sent the limo and they drove me all the way to the fuck back in the city. The kids that work in McGuire's, they're like huge comedy fans, the sons of the guy. Yeah, the son of the guy. Fucking great, yeah, yeah, the good dude.

The whole family's great and I'll be out there. So I'm excited to go to robbercadalive.com. They got a good fan which all my other dates. It's like a senior. You are a higher shit right now. Right now. Samless. And also make sure to check out Louis coming on this week.

Do you want to get into the brother? Yeah, I did a few episodes this season. And I saw a couple of, I saw one of my episodes, but I saw four episodes of a DVD and it's fucking great. Man, he is unfuckin' believe. I saw on stage this week, man. It's crazy. You think they were new though? Crazy. I don't know. It's sick of getting Emmys, no. Yeah, so that's coming on this week. Make sure you check that out. The ninth, they come is on.

What's that? The ninth. So make sure you check it out on FX. And what else, what else do I have? Oh, April 10th. April fucking 10th. Say the city first. Is the camera on me?

Yeah. There's no city dumb dumb. Where's the show then? There's no show dumb dumb. Oh, it's for television. Oh, no dumb dumb. Let me say it Keeps it up Oh, your wife's pregnant April 10th my DVD. Oh, my God. My parents are unfamily-fewed. My DVD, Robert Kelly Live from the Village Underground, is available for purchase.

All the pre-orders will be sent out that day, and you can go and buy it. The extended unaddeded no fucking beeps. Version of my DVD, my hour special that I did with Jim Serpico and Bobcat and it's available on April 10th. That's in two weeks I believe or somewhere very close. 10 days. It's a 10 days almost two weeks. Was it April first? April first. Oh yeah, April Fools. It's a 10 days. Yeah, almost two weeks. Um, was it able? Oh, yeah, April first. Oh, yeah, April Fools is no fucking intern coming in, by the way. Um, I told them someone was coming to replace someone. He was like, I was going for five days. Oh, good April Fools one. Good April. Oh, shit. He didn't hear yet. He was nervous. He's like, I'm producer, by the way. He was on the right. He's on the right. He's on the right.

He's getting your time. He is the producer of the show. So make sure April 10th, go to Robert Kelley. If you haven't, you can do it right now. You can go to Robert KelleyLive.com and pre-order it. It's five bucks, the minimum five dollars. You can give 10, you can give 20, you can give 200. Someone gave 200, which is, don't do that. It's not worth it.

I'll write that one. Max is 50. And that's really max. But I want you to go. If you listen to this podcast and you haven't done that, you're a piece of shit. Right. There's no way around it. You're just a fucking hunger garbage.

You're a nickel chaser. You just want free shit. Free, free, free. And you're a YouTube fucking do. Fuck you. Go to my place. It's not like you release paid paid podcast to it's all free The one thing is like when you release a special you worked on for a year or two or three years

Thank you. Of course. It's a one-time to shout out seven bucks five Seven if you want You know those two dollars are gonna go to strong bullies I know those two dollars are gonna go to strong bullies. Yeah. I took it all there, check it out. We'll be back. Stay tuned. If you're in the chat room, stay tuned.

We get a bunch of commercials going on. New stuff happening. Deep who's running a commercial. We'll be back very shortly. The girls are gonna piss. The guys are gonna smoke some weed. And I guess Ricky's gonna piss first. We'll be back with you know what dude.

Very shortly. Wait a moment a second, there we go. Yeah, there we go. Hey, hello, this is Robert Kelly from the You Know What Dad Podcast. And baseball is here at last. I'm a big baseball fan. I just went to the Yankees spring training down in Tampa, which was exciting.

You know what, I love baseball because they just sit there i see these coaches on the side and their job is to just sit there and watch people play what a fucking easy job just watch baseball games and then go eat yeah what much they make uh... thirty five thousand year baseballs here last and the excitement continues all season long at draft kings dotcom the official daily fantasy partner of major league baseball

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and enter code Kelly KELL-Y to play for free. You can win part, you can be part of the $300 million in cash being awarded this season. Enter Kelly for free entry now at draftkings.com. That's draftkings.com. Make sure you check out Robert Kelly Live.com and this week April 10th, I need you to go to my website and purchase that DVD. It's right there. It delivered right to your email You'll get a code. It's five dollar minimum donation and spread the word. Tell everybody about it. You son of a bitches All right, we're back in two seconds I'm listening, listening, listening, listening You wanna sing? To the YKWD podcast YKWD podcast I'm getting the YKS.com

That's free. That's free. Very cool. You like that? You do that chup chup, you do that. Do you call him chip chip? Chup chup chup. His name is Deep who you fuck.

Chup chup. Chup chup. He you call him chip chip? Chip chip, chip chip. His name is Deepo, you fuck. Chip, chip, chip. Just got the chip chip. What the fuck is he? Got that song Jay, you got the fuck it's that. You got that song Jay.

You fucked up. You fucking get my video producer with peanuts and a fuck up banana. Can you chip, chip, can you get that? Chip, chip. I went back with the YKWD. We spent the first hour talking about pussy and some other stuff. That's a matter though. Ricky do you have a pocket mirror

that I can look at my nose in? You use your phone, that nose can fit in a pocket mirror. You have a slip phone? I should, that's why you deserve a fucking broken nose. Oh my god. Oh my god. Really dope. Fensive.

Why did you decide to go to the flip phone? Wow. Why? Why? Why did you go to the flip phone? You had to be annoying about something. It was, wow, it's really filling up nice. It's filling up nice.

When did that happen? Today. Okay. You know, you know, me racist see that happen? Today. Okay. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Somebody hit him right in the nose for asking for a discount.

We're not sure. It's because they sell it just because they sell it at sea as for that price. It doesn't mean best buys going to happen. No, you don't get the stand for free. Check it out. So yeah, so I mean there's been a few things in comedy world. It is weird that The daily shows fucking as we know it which I thought would it just I thought it how long has it been out there for 20 years Seven 17 no with just to it, but it was there before that I remember it before Crank no one okay killborn. Yeah,. We stop. Can we talk about him?

Can we talk about that jackass who left for his movie career let no left to do a talk show? Yeah, oh yeah, and then left that to do a movie career and that was one movie He was good in old school. He was a good dick. He was a good dick. Yeah, like ten minutes He was pretty much I apparently I heard he was a dick in life. Well, he started at ESPN. Hey, man. I had a couple of hours of that, which is interesting. I'd just hear that he was difficult, but at the same time, he has so much money.

How do you know how much money he has? I mean, you're saying that. You don't know that. I know his bank account is bigger than mine. He must have made a million a year for that. Go ahead. That's going have made a million here for that ahead if you have to be okay okay so take it be you don't understand your agents and the rest of that cut it in half he's making half a million dollars a year

yeah what was he was he doing any road was not like he has a fucking so that's a better ranch in westchester like uh... you know i mean probably as a nice house that's why i say this would is what I say to comics. If you're going to stay in New York,

just stay in New York. And if you get a house, get a small house. Don't set yourself up with the view and the fucking Beverly and the hills and the car because that fall is gonna kill you. That's just gonna murder you, okay? So if you fall from a fucking ranch in Venice, you know what I mean, a bungalow,

you know, it's not that big of a fall. And you own it, and you still can have some money in the bank. You know, I don't see these guys, you know, get one show and then go buy a fucking mansion in the hills and get a, you know, a fucking out. I wouldn't even mind it, they're renting it. That's even where it's. Well, it's not even that, it know, a fucking out. I would have them already even buying it. They're renting it. That's even where it's. Well, it's not even that.

It's coming down from that. Having, it's because if I have you at my house, and it's a palatial fucking deals, and there's a pool, and then a year and a half later, you know, we're at my house and have a slip and slide in the back. You guys are gonna be like, I'm gonna be, you're gonna feel that.

You're gonna be like, oh shit. What happened to this guy? Yeah, it's, it's, but that thing with Craig Grobwin, you haven't heard what are you're gonna be like, I shit. What happened to this guy? Yeah, it's, it's, it's, uh, but that thing would crack real quick when you haven't heard, what are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing? Look it up. Well, my, my, my, you know, video, he doesn't do, uh,

I got it. He doesn't do Google? He doesn't do Google too well. Oh, really? He doesn't know how, what? He's getting it here. This, this fucking fat ass, this fat ass lesbian, just supposed to fucking do the Google.

I'm doing the Google. I'm producing work. You act like you lesbian, just supposed to fucking do the Google. I'm doing the Google producing work. You act like you're doing it when you just are doing it. Like it wasn't like you're doing it all wrong. Are you gonna fucking call me out on it? And Jesus, I'm taking a fucking St. Martin trip, like he's my mom. Uh, Sandals is really nice.

It was. Sandals. I had a bunch of pinnacle out of the release. It was nice. Get him guys walked up to him. I'm going to ask him for a date when they saw it for behind. He's bent over to the... Who's this?

Who's this? Who's this fat Dutch woman? Where has Craig Kilburn been hiding for the last decade? See, that pops right up, doesn't it? The last thing he was on was he hosted the already length show on November 6th in 2013 All right, that was a last wow I have to go what else to see how much he was making what else I would like to know how Yeah, do the net worth it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was also why you doing it. It's got to be that he was a

personal dick right no, I heard he was a giant cancel I know I heard he was a dick. But the person who did, right? No. I heard he was a giant cancel, because he was writing stuff. I heard he was a dick. I bet you were going to be. He was a rumor that the character he did in that movie was not too far off what he was. He treated people like shit, he was dick. And to tell you, that goes a long way in the business.

You know, he was just about out fucking. I was like, he got physical to be his own announcer. He would go back, say, my pleasure, John, my welcome to the welcome to the show, your host, Craig. That's true. Yeah, and he would come out. And he was completely,

he couldn't get a guy a job. Kill the truth. Yeah, he would come out and he was completely tired Really I didn't know that That part was true you got it by the cops yeah That part a good cop. I mean, that part was true. You got hit by the cops? Yeah, with the baton. That part was true. It was that it wasn't a wrong, for my, with the building fill. Buddy, I love you, but I'm not believe you. You know, shit, I'm not gonna be

like, he's really good at lying. He is, I'm not, but not to me. I was, I'm not buying this shit. I'm from the street shop. Right, you're from college. Ha, ha, ha, ha. What, what's up? He was there. It's so funny, we have you guys on video and these like girls at my show just on their

phones. We're looking up Craig to work. We got it over here. Stop your phones. You don't have your own podcast. You guys are like this. I'm like, I said, he was talented. I wanted to see a picture. Yeah, I was like, oh, he's he, huh? This fucking asshole. Don't let get him off camera. You don't show them at their words. My bad. What does it say? It's saying nothing else, right?

He did a small row in a team comedy from 2006, 2010. How do you go from late night? Fucking late night, which he said, How do you go from late night? Fucking late night. Which one? Why did you leave the late show? Late night show. I accomplished my career goals

and it wasn't all that's cracked up to be. No, I mean, some of that. Dude, I could believe that. I could believe that you're making up money and you're like, I'm working fucking nine hours today. So are you gonna agree? Are you done with the show business? No, not at all.

But if you want to do what you said out. But like, like John Stewart's been there for 17 years. Like, you know, like, what's going to make Groovy's? But absolutely, but you gotta remember, these guys are waking up at nine o'clock in the morning. That's when they start their day. When I look at Larry and John, these guys coming in and dude dude dude It's and they just go go go that is not an easy life

Yeah, you gotta do it. Look at shit on real Larry make sure he sees everything It's a piece of a player the football players are retiring I Was are insane with late night. Listen for okay. I was her insane with late night. I get it But fuck you fuck you. That's a gig of a lifetime. It's not that hard, okay? I just, you know what? I'll tell you what's hard. Waking up at four in the morning, getting on a fucking bus to another bus to a train to a fucking to a bus to go to a fucking job at nine o'clock. And then working to five and then

waiting outside in the winter for a bus to a train to a bus to a bus to get the fuck home to do that five days a week. Going in to a fucking place where people hand in foot waiting on you, you can have anything you want, snacks all fucking day, you have a team of people that are like, why is he gotta be snacks? That's my thing. That's my thing.

That's amazing. There's a team of people helping you make everything great and you have to work and do what you fucking love. I'm sorry, go fuck yourself. That is, you can never complain about this. I'm just kidding. The business that we do is fucking hard, yes, you work hard, but it's fucking easy.

But it's not like you was complaining. You go, I don't wanna do this anymore. I agree with that. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to do this. I don't know I agree with that Yeah, I don't know how to show and it's not like a hard hard dog choice It is it is harder to wake up at 7 a.m. Like you said and take a bus to a bus But it's not like he left what he did for that But I'm saying that I don't think it a choice. I'm I'm you're talking about what your guy does

It's hard as shit, but if you told him okay, he'd be like I don't give a fuck I'll do it every day because he loves what Do it and if you love what you do, fuck that it just isn't cracked up. It's cracked up You got fucking shit canned. Yeah, they took you out of the spot and they helped you out by making it look amicable And that's what happened. That's exactly What did you do for three years or something? How long was on that show? Did it say five five years? You know how long it's a long show? Did it say? Five years. Five years. You know how it is to get fun. Dude, it's crazy. It's a long time.

How hard is it to get booted out of this fucking business once you're in? Yeah. It's hard. I can see him leaving. I don't want the fame. I don't want people stopping in the street. I can't walk down the street.

There's things with fame that's not enjoyable. Was it like you don't like that? No. You don't like when people walk up to you and don't stake you for like, Simon Angon for How often do you get records? I'll be honest. I didn't I used to get recognized now and again lately in this last year it's way more than it's ever been to enjoy it and I I enjoy it

I do I do enjoy when you're almost too friendly because I'll I'll sit down I'm that guy. I'm the mayor of fucking fucking mayorville You know what I mean? I'm like Quinn does the same thing you'll hear Quinn I'll be on the phone with me walking on the street. Hey, what's up? How you doing blah blah? I know let me get the regular fucking I'll draw a blue bear in blue My personality which I know some people who are famous or people recognize them and they shut it down.

They fucking, hey, how you doing? Thank you. No, I'm good. I can't. No, goodbye. You know, but if I was a Louis type of famous, that, where I still wouldn't give a fuck. I still, I kind of, I like that you're affecting people and I like that. Yeah, the reason that it's happening is cool, but when I'm in the middle of a conversation

with somebody and then all of a sudden, I can take a picture and say, what? Oh, and then you have to come back to the conversation with your friend living your life and go, what were you talking about? Well, you can say one second, I'm in the middle of a conversation, you can give me a second. And then wait, they were there for seven minutes, wait, you can't make somebody wait seven Give me a second wait I mean No, no, no, there's no right way for an audience member to react I don't believe like oh But it's just what do you mean? What do you mean? Do they set their waiting while they're looking at their phone for like oh?

I got to find my camera thing hold on I don't think I'm waiting you to play with your fucking phone It is a big deal if it happens all the time Yeah, but it happens one way it happens for you all the time Got one So People are introverted and they just like to sit back and observe They don't want to be in the center of attention. And people can get pushy when they want, like, you know, at the end of the million things.

I get that, but I don't like drugs. I don't like drugs. It comes from a good place. I don't like drugs. I don't like alcohol. I don't like drugs. If you're a regular guy saying, hey, a big fan, I'm fine with that. And I don't care where it is.

I'm fucking fine with that. I think it's part of why we do it so that people can say, you know, especially when you're on TV, you don't get the accolades like stand up every 30 seconds, we're getting accolades that you're great, you're good. When you do a, a, a Louie or you do an acting role, you do your show on Comedy Central, you get a, they're a little bit, but you don't get the full response that you're really getting until someone comes up and goes, I love you on that show. Yeah, that's cool.

And that makes you go fucking up. And passing, that's fine. If they're getting off the train, and be like, do love your shit, love your stand up, and they walk off the train. Awesome, man, thank you. You don't like the invasive. Yeah, that happened from the seller, and that's crazy. That's like the first time that's ever happened to me.

Really? After they started doing the seller, the first three people came up to me on the street when I was walking. Wow. I think it was a weird anomaly. I like getting recognized from recognize some standup with that anything if they like to that one joke You did it was so cool. I like TV. I like TV stuff. I love Louis stuff I love the guy this weekend come out to me outside the salary He's like dude nightly show love you guys on and he just and he just

He's a right way just did yeah She looked like a queen just and it was just easy and it was fast and it's like oh dude appreciate you And that's no problem. Have you ever been to somebody come to you? I loved you and the Beyonce video You in a Beyonce video I yeah, but you but you must be getting you must be getting recognized a lot more No, I'd say ten times that most sense of start the show really You want the show yes, well, I take where I get recognized the most from it's my it's living my voice really because open Anthony

Yeah, and in the show. So I get a lot of a when people call me Bob Then you know they've known you for a long time. I know they're both open Anthony fans Yeah, that happened was once. Yeah, what they call the law. Yeah, no, they overheard us and they're like Yeah, it's weird they hear the voice and they that's what they attached to I heard Bill Simmons He wrote an article about I read that he said the best way to go up to him the sports guy the writer Yeah, he goes the best way if you like me. Well with you Smart I love the way you should read I read

Fucking the best way to go up to him is just if you say say hi like hey, here's a beer and it click glasses because I love the way you said red. I read. I read, I read. I'm really talking about it. It's fucking, but he goes the best way to go up to him is just if you say, say hi, he's like, hey, here's a beer and then click glasses and be like, love your stuff, man, and then get out of there. And he goes, that's the perfect interaction. I think most people do that.

Most people go Bob, love your stuff. Most, you know what, you're right. It's the Palestinian minority that ruins it for all Palestinians. It's the drunks, the people that won't leave you alone that ruin it for all people that come up to drunks the people that won't leave you alone, that ruin it for all people that come up to you. He's not getting kicked off his game.

His hat is Palestinian, it got offended. You're right, I'll tell you about it. Most people are pretty cool about it. Most people are fucking, hey man, love you stuff, love you show, boom, boom, boom, they're out. But there is an occasional fucking dickhead, but I can never complain about that because I've been a nobody. And when you're sitting there with somebody,

and it stinks, fucking blows. It fucking blows. You were funny, me and Patricia did all the time. How many you twos you'd get after a show. Oh yeah. Welcome to the tree, still. You are the funniest guy,

and I'd be standing there, oh you too. You're the funniest guy, and I'd be standing there, oh, you too. You were the funniest guy as well. Yeah, I love this one. You're passing people, you see there are parties, and you pass people that were at the show, and they go, I thought you were funny. Oh, yeah. Look at you, you're not helping at all.

Yeah. How about this? I walked out of the second, this first show, this last weekend, and this group of women were talking, and they were like, he was so funny. I go, was he? She goes, no, we were talking about the middle guy. Oh!

I was like, no, he was funny. He was funny. He was so funny. One time, I hosted a show once that I went well last week, last week. Yeah. And the guy comes out to me and he goes, hey, man, you were so great.

And I go, thank you so much. And he goes, do you have actually do comedy or do you just DJ in between sets? Oh, people don't understand her. Yeah, I do. People don't understand her. And that's why I say less crowd work more jokes. What do you mean?

With a whole thing. With a whole thing. So the views are up to the hour. So the view is a comic. Part of it. So the view you as a comic, yeah. Well, here's the thing too, is you have less time than anybody else.

Your job is the hardest, because you're going up cold. So what you need to do is go up, hey, how you doing? What's going on? Engage alpha male on the fucking room, or alpha female, because you guys are looking at me weird.

It's not, it's not. Okay, cool. But, you know, I'm kidding. But, you know, you have to engage them, get them, and then get into your fucking jokes, because it's a Friday, Saturday night, professional show, and the more you learn to, get them, and then get into your fucking jokes because it's a Friday Saturday night professional show And the more you learn to fucking get them listening that your job is to get them Engaged to listening to jokes. It's not your job to fucking make them flip out and then the middle guy will go up and do all

Improv or whatever now they want that So when you go up and you're telling fucking jokes, they're in some other, they're in some weird land. I had a recently at a club in the city where the host literally did nothing but crowd work and it was literally an interactive show. And that's what they, that is what they want the whole show now. They don't want to hear me. They're a nation. They don't, they don't understand. And I always tell, I go, you want to be an improv guy, you want to hear my tears. They're a machia. They're a machia. They don't understand. And I always tell, I go, you want to be an improv guy, you want to do interactive stuff.

If your jokes can hold up, if you can go on to the crowd and be fucking funny, right? And improv and just make shit up and then come back to your jokes and they're still kind of at the same level. Okay, fine, you're good. But if you can't go back to your fucking jokes because they're not as good as your fucking...

I think that's natural. Yeah, well, let's say so my no j has a show and I know I know To me when you're a professional comedian Crad work is fucking easy prepare something you're saying Crad works easy writing a fucking joke is hard. Yes, Crad work is hard to though What were you from what are you doing? No, blah blah? Oh fuck off. It's hard to though You what were you from what are you doing blah blah blah? Oh fuck off. It's easy. It's easy to fucking go What were you from really why'd you do that and just fucking go off? We do that and we're doing that This is crowd work. I will tell you when I'm a festival Cast a fucking crowd when I'm a festival and I see I want to go see a comic and the crowd work

I'm like this is what I'm seeing I want to go see a comic and they do crowd work I'm like, this is what I'm seeing. I wanted to see what material you were doing Yeah, of course you do I have to because it's to sit to write a fucking joke that works And what are you doing? Is there a run on curry? No, we're talking about writing What to write a fucking joke is really hard to do. Especially after you wrote your third hour, it's like, what the fuck am I gonna do now?

It's like crazy, and then to be able to go up and just fuck with the crowd and just kill, and then go into what you're really trying to say that you wrote and prepared and make it flawless I think is a real comic. I think that's when you're to just go up and fucking wing it. I think anybody can do that. I really do. I think if you're a professional comedian. I think it's part of your game though. It's all part of your game. Just be part of you get crowd work and like one lineers all part of the game. I don't think it's bad to

do crowd work at all. I hate those guys bad when people are bad at it, but he has some of it there. Like, you know, he gets, he gets, he gets, he gets, he gets, he gets, he gets, he gets, he gets, he gets, he gets, he gets, he gets, he gets, like a judo, where judo goes ahead, and you're like, he bounces on the premises on the crowd. And you should,

he uses the crowd to do, like, come enjoy crowd work to put me in a place of like, this is what I sound like when I'm just talking. And now, I have to match that with my bits that I thought of ahead of time. But if you can have your bits be inside of that. Yeah, great. Then don't, there's not necessarily that.

Yeah, if you can have your bits inside of that conversation, is I think in my brain, when people go, what was that made up? What was made up? What wasn't? That's I think where you want to be. Yeah, absolutely. That's really good at that. Look, someone on C.M.O.S. Presidents, I was saying that was Patrice. Yeah, absolutely. That's really good at that. Look, someone's seeing what's present I was seeing.

That was Patrice. I think it was, is the word you love. Okay. Okay. I'm kidding, I love that. And I love Big J. I think that there's certain people that do, you know, that, you know, like, I remember when I saw Big J in Kurt Metzger doing storytelling

at your fucking, uh-huh. I was, yeah, tell me what they're gonna grow. It's like fucking, it was like flawless. Hang on, I'm backing up Like that see little fucking thin would you get that shirt by the way? The gap is that your dad's honeymoon shirt You look like the full moon just came out You get from Russell Peters Have you guys ever pretty fucked? Has anybody here ever pretty fucked? You have I have to

Yeah, really yeah, just not interested Man I pity fucked and it was really girl once right right just right from the fuck Dare you. You solved the conflict with that pretty close. Why'd you pity her? I just, she sucked it, fucking. And she's just the worst. If you've never even known that before, yeah.

We fucked her again at the police. We fucked the first time I didn't want to do it. OK. I was just there. And then we, I was like, there's some passion behind, she had some passion. You know, some of the, it was so much love.

Like she's going, mm-hmm. It was like new love for Lex. I know, you know, I really, whatever accent you can do. Is she just like petting you? Yeah. Buddy, I like the way you do it.

This is what I was sunk my pussy. This is what I knew I got, I was pretty fucking, because I got mad at her in the middle of it. Like, I'm not talking, I'm gonna suck my pussy. This is what I knew I was pretty fucking because I got mad at her in the middle of it. Like, I'm not talking, I'm talking fucking, smooth, I yell, move your fucking hips. Smooth. Like, I was like, fucking ugh.

What did she say? What was her reason? I'm dying. Oh, fuck her. Oh, fuck her. Learn how they should teach him how to fuck, not hold a gun in the army She was fucking right out of the army

I know she didn't she was fucking out like a statue Up and down in a weird motion. They'll really say that English patient. I would have rather fuck with fucking someone in a wheelchair Good for you. I know a comic patient. I would have rather fucked up a fucking shaman in a wheelchair. Oh my god. Good for you. I know a comic that did. What? Yeah, Bang the Chicken, a wheelchair. Uh, you know them too. In the wheelchair they banged.

Why not? You know, we've been at a party with them before. I carried the girl up and down the stairs to do it and left her wheelchair out of his apartment. We carried it up to the bedroom? Up the fucking flight to stairs to get to his apartment. We like a lot of people. Yeah, I'm gonna trust that guy so much. He really just like put her down.

Just jerk off at that point. I'm sorry. What'd you say? What'd you say? I said just jerk off at that point. What, really? If you're lifting a camera, by the way. I get you.

Yeah. Thank you. Remember when I said there was five cameras? I Remember when I said there was five cameras These microphones are pretty good they pick shit up You know your fans are gonna try to piece it together. I hope they do it. I hope they piece it again Then they fucking find this I didn't see it's Shit I didn't see it, say it again. Of course he's not in there. He's in the background. I have shit commerce. You're like a handicap, people. I used to live with him.

Did you know that? I lived with him for six months. He was my real name. Was it your apartment that he bet? Did you have a walk? I did. The squirrel was on the floor. I came out of my room.

Can you guys have this conversation that means nothing to anybody later? I live with him. Did you? Who the fuck's in? I would fuck a handicap girl. I think that would be fun. I would, I would suck kind of you. I'd love to fuck up.

What's the handy cap? I know I'm gonna get hit for this, but I haven't loved the fucking blind chick. Oh, yeah. A blind chick? I understand. And I know, I shut up, fuck off. I would love to fuck a girl who had no feeling from the waist down,

so like, you're not getting any enjoyment out of this, huh? Oh my god. Oh, that's the word you're saying getting any enjoyment out of this oh my god that's the worst you have to do rapist you are you just want to feel what is crowd you know

oh oh there we go hey I'm doing improv with the crowd oh and mix it in jokes you bitch oh layers oh

yeah I alright so you had to pick a handicap you have to pick a handicap You're a bit. Oh, layers. Oh. Yeah, I, all right. So you had to pick a handicap. You have to pick a handicap. What would your handicap be, Ari? She has to have a handicap. And you can't like, cop out and go missing a toe. I'm not gonna have a handicap. That's a turn on.

That's a fetish. Oh. Oh. Oh, I know, I know for sure. What? Mute. A mute. Oh. So she can't, she doesn't speak. Oh, I know I know for sure what mute a mute So she can't she doesn't speak Here like that are we I want

Yeah, mute can't speak I Think they speak different. Yeah, all right fuck you All right ready what would you what would you handi-keppy? You know what blind would be great because I didn't have to give a shit about all this shit I give a shit about right now. What do you give a shit? Yeah You want I would love to fuck you. He's gonna feel your face like Rocky Dennis He's gonna look not that, does anything wrong with you? Not like you're, forget it.

I have to get it. I did it come out right. No, but I just, I wouldn't feel like I had to be hot all the time. Right, you're pretty, but you're hot. You don't have that much makeup on right now. Only because you're not dating a blind guy. Right, okay, blind guy. What about you?

What, what, what, what, you uh you uh what what what any handicap you want you have to pick the handicap what did the guy in pumpkin with Christina reach you have what yeah I think he was like a full on retard I never know that no you have a full on retirement yeah it's what's a dark comedy about Christina reach you having sex with a retarded guy yeah but if you're gonna do it do it she like a line to get drooled on me artistic is that like Asperger Is that count? That's everyone? I have a friend hanging somebody with that

You got it you somebody you guys you want to fuck Dan Adamin? Well, I'll fuck her I'm gonna while she rides me. I look off into the distance Watch think about speaking in French I'm gonna while she rides me. I look off into the distance Speaking in French You have any candy So you want to you want to fuck full full blonde. Let's do it. Oh You want those fucking big callous hands on you. Yeah, you know they can hold you down. We're gonna do that. They're gonna be better at that

Just right I mean I don't yeah, I don't want to die shot show. What about you? I want our handicap to be wearing Ricky's pants Oh I don't know what you way better than a thing. All right Thank you, there we go. I gotta fucking So funny There we go. Hang on, I gotta fucking train. Turn you down. That was so funny. No, that's not it. Everybody fucking yap it over.

You know the second half of the show, everybody forget. That's not it. This is gonna be a wrap up. All right, so listen, what would you do? No, that's stupid. What would you, what would your handi-cappy? Does a midget count? Yeah.

Yeah. Stay on it. Stay on it. Hang on, hang on. That's not a fucking, that's not it. That's a handi-cater. You gotta stick her. You gotta stick her. You gotta stick her. You gotta stick her. Stick her. Hang on that's not a fucking me that's a hand you got a sticker you got a sticker You got a sticker you got a sticker you got a sticker

You can park everyone and by the way by the way before you said sticker I could already imagine the hatred going Fuck you for saying their handicap, but the sticker really does I'm a second wait a second hang on I think I'm handicapped. I want a sticker. It's not a sticker It's a thing, hang on. I'm the handicap, I want to stick it. It's not a sticker, it's a thing you hang for. You put it on your license plate. Hang on, hang on. I think it's by choice with them though.

With being a work shirt, by choice. Hang on one second. Let me roll. No, the handicap. No, not that, dummy. Like at some point, they said, I'm good at this height. I'm saying the handicap, they don't need to get the sticker isn't the handicap no I need to get it you can you're a real kid or I think some people have to get no if you're under four

He's four eight. You're a handicap really for for your your door for a magic. Yeah, that's what it is So all right, so so it's a midget you do do a midget. Yeah, well, if that's allowed, yeah. Yeah, it is a lot, I guess it's allowed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want it to be a copax. I think a lot of people would do that anyway. I would rate that midget would be down the list for me. Yeah, that's so exciting.

You know, that's a different body type. I'm actually upset he came up with midget before. Yeah, wait a minute, wait a minute. I want to hear, what, what, what, what did you, you, the liquor, the limbs are sometimes like, like the dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, dump, yeah, it's just like the, the butt. What what what did you you picker the limbs are sometimes like Yeah, it's like the butt It's a little bubbly little scope oh, but you don't like it

I'm just not used to it. I would like to fuck a midget really. I fuck a girl midget The only thing is it's gonna fuck her against the wall. It's like a flesh like behind up She's just called a human being How you gonna fuck a midget girl? You not be on the bottom. Put her on the bed. She gave me the bottom for sure on the bottom. That was me. For sure she gave me the bottom.

I was, yeah, yeah. She'll suffocate in your chest hair. Yeah, yeah. I had a bad day. Actually, Deepu had the bomb up. He knew him was coming. Really? Like a true terrorist. That's what we had. That's what we had the bomb up, he knew him was coming.

Like a true terrorist. All right, so you already picked, what was your mute? That was kind of dumb. That was really a handicap, pick a handicap. What was a handicap be? I mean, probably that's what I'd want to do. That's why I'm going to a wheelchair in the wheelchair though. Okay, so she's paralyzed from where?

I mean, all four limbs, just their though. Okay, she's in the wheelchair. So she's paralyzed from where? She's in there. I mean, all four limbs, just her legs. Oh, right, right. Is it, can she breathe? Is she, she do a straw? Is she, she's right? Is she, she's in the middle? She's one of these?

Is she typing with her eyebrows? She's even walking? I don't want iron long. Is it a manual wheelchair or a motorized wheelchair? The one with the one finger moving? Yeah, like, I want to walk it out. I'd want full arms of push it, but you can't walk it off. She can't, she has that strong forearm for you.

Do you remember that her hands are like trisket? There was a Kirk Cameron movie where he played a debater. Does anybody remember that movie? No, no. We're all really little. It was shitty, but it was super pretty. Pre-Jesus? Yeah, pre-Supra-Jesus.

And there was some girl in his debate team and she kept bitching about not being able to dance because she had those those tiny Tim Crutches and then he's like let's dance I get you want and I want and I want the like a New York apartment kind of uneven so it starts to roll You want a pre-war building Ricky Ricky, what do you want? Come on, dude. He's very distraught by this conversation Ricky, what would you want? I was in New York City public school and I was in like

They put the bad kids in special ed so I didn't. Special ed is not a handy. So you've done all these. Oh, that's a thing to learn usability. No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't think. Please don't say black because that's not a handy car. I'm not going to stand for that man.

Stop. I got to come to the 21st century. Yeah, I'm serious. Because dancing around his job real quick. Yeah. What? You know, I just got to spend my next couple weeks. I know.

You're signed. Yeah. You got a two week contract, like a fucking NBA player? Yeah, 10 day contract. Yeah. He's doing good. We'll see. They know how to deal with me.

But you have to keep the hat. I really don't know. Pick a hint. Now, when you had all this time to prepare, what were you doing? I knew you lasted. Were you doing errands? I was just saying that. I already got mine already. I'm just saying that.

You're the penultimate. Anything blind, missing an arm, or... Miss... Truthless. Exima? No. Not an edit. the penultimate anything blind a missing an arm in an arm or miss dukeless eczema no yeah eczema count i mean what would you want to do now would you be i don't think i want to do any of it i don't know i mean

a chicken purse a chick with a dead eye maybe oh yeah that's not handy cap all right how about a chick? A cleft palate. Would you do a cleft palate? Sniff, sniff, no. Ricky, I love you on the snittle. Oh, man. Well, fuck all you got.

You better have a reaction with it. It's too far. Yeah, I always do that. I never thought I'd have a bite. I love that your dick is huge. It's huge, I love it. It's huge. Double fisting.

Come on Ricky. Oh, there's, there's, I read about some chick that had two vaginas. Oh, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that You don't get the stuff for that you don't get the other The other you don't get the other genre like on our neck. Oh

Push a neck pussy I've pulled on our bazooka Joe turtle neck and just fucking ram it in that Right back up She smokes out of her neck I once, I am a judge on my neck Are they both on her neck? Oh that's not what I'm just saying You get a sticker for that Yeah, what do you guys got about that? You're gonna stick her to cover one of the vaginas

What are you guys? I got no legs You're gonna stick her to cover one of the vaginas What I got no legs no leg to the all just stops right? Yeah, he was fucking toss him around I you know what? You're a good interesting one. I like that one. Yeah, no arms to me is easy to deal with no You want legs to grab your arms to grab onto you Man, all right And then we move up and down on the dick. Oh man. All right We're talking about the shoes. He we're talking most people would not know my My uncle bought we want to my uncle. Yeah, my uncle was with a girl that he like He bought her a motorcycle. She was way too small to be riding a motorcycle, she'd lost her leg in an accident. Really?

And he stayed with her for a long time. Like what? He's the one who did it. He's the one who uncles are saints. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, not really. He ended up going to jail for something. Haha, haha.

He was hiding truck. He's just terrible, bro. He killed her six years later, but you know, I mean, Don't push Oh Deepa what do you got? Oh, you just pitch forget it what are you picturing? What is it?

I mean in india they have those extra limbs people in india there's a lot of that over I believe our gods had extra I'm talking about racistins. I watch it on vice I want to fuck a chick with eight arms That would be cool. On a cow with all my friends So sacrilegious. With rats on my shoulder, there's those pets Which one is that Krishna? Shiva. Maybe. I don't know. Might be going with... What would you like to do is depression a handicap?

I actually I only get that after sleeping with you Good Should they go home to the room? I fucked a werewolf. I grew up with a chick that had like displaced facial features. So like she had a mouth that was like a fire cheek She had like eyes. Yeah, I count the GUNY's face. You would do that. You would do that. It'd be an interesting blowjob. That might not get him sticker, but I would still count that. That gets a sticker. If you're nose below your mouth, that's a sticker. Why is that sticker? No, I disagree with that.

That's a bumper stick. I think that's the woman who got a face rubbed off by a gorilla. No, this is a black woman. She has a sticker. Yeah, she definitely has a sticker. You get over a woman. If you're a mouth is on your cheek and your eyes below your mouth, you get a sticker. No way, no way.

You can walk just as far to the malls I can. You can't. You fucking sick. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no way, you're looking walk just as far to the malls I can. You can't, you fucking, hey, no one's taking it, you're, you're, you're, you're, right eyes looking at your foot. I say, it's hard to walk. You're right, it's not in a drive. What? What? You're doing it, you're gonna fucking look, you're gonna look, no, your eyes are in the middle, if your nose is above,

you're gonna fucking sit on a foam board. No, dude, any of it is happening. On the cheeks, so you can look side to side. Yeah, if you, no, you're gonna park further away now If you're in a rotary maybe it helps but no it's terrible Okay, did I pick no I didn't pick I think I picked I think you did actually started We're blind and then I go Straight up hand again, we pick if you want we're not gonna stick to that

Thanks on on your show I don't make sense. You want to be like, I'm straight up handicapped. You should really pick if you want. We're not gonna make a mistake. I would really pick that, so on your show. I think I really wanted to fuck a chick with one leg. Why? Not neither, one. What would you do with that one leg? Not both, I want one leg regular and I wanted one leg, like an off.

So when she's fucking a frog, she has the shoe. Just because I think we have the shoe that makes us. You absolutely can. Well, she could stand up and put the thing the stump on a bookshelf. You know what I mean without knocking out all the books. So convenience person. She's holding up one side of the books. Well, I think it would be, I think I would actually like that. I you know, the girl, the shark girl. I remember the shark girl. Yeah, no arm. She's right now. She's hot't right now she's hot right now and she's still serving and she's still surfing and I mean She's surfing

She got attacked by a shark again. I think Something else happened with it's an Ian Edwards joke. I was gonna. No, it's not word joke. No, no, it's not. I mean, maybe it is. I mean, it is not what I'm having my head listen to stand up so much. You take people's jokes and news. I did the Trevor just got fired from the Daily Show. Bullset. So we're the God. Let's get fired. No, April. No, no, no, no, honestly, comedy central's fucking awesome for standing behind him Yeah, there you go. It's a great comment. He's hilarious. I fucking I support that kid more than that. That's Fuck somebody's looking for a new show

You know like you know like the Bugs it's the blogging bullshit and people fucking people running back trying to find shit on you It sucks. It does it. Did you read Jim Norton's time article about that? Just about how people are addicted to the thrill of getting offended fuck that what about Pat and all's walls and tweets all those 53 tweets a whole fucking article on Twitter It's like 53 tweets of how sensitive we are and how the shit has to stop and it's just getting out of control that people are getting offended at jokes.

You know, it's relax, we're fucking chill out. They just take something and run with it and get all the people that they can get behind. It's for their cause. It's not, it's not. Everyone wants to be a hero. Everybody wants to be in the limelight and everybody wants to take somebody down.

Yeah, you don't see people like going to Trevor Noah and going, hey man, what the fuck's up with that? They go very public posts. Yes. Like period, Trevor Noah, where it's like, you're just trying to put yourself in a podium. You want the things from me? They were playing jokes from four years ago.

Well, they actually want to, yeah, of course. I know so they were a fine joke. As soon as you make it, as soon as you get out in the spotlight, they find you. The people that don't like you or against you will find you. And now they can just immediately fucking put it out there where before they, they, they couldn't get to you. They really, you know what I want to start doing for the bloggers who really go out there, not just like, because they make the Twitter anger or whatever go nuts, but like the bloggers

who really say like something has to be done and contact their jobs, you let Comedy Central know that Trevor Noah should be fired, but those people, I would like comedians to fight back. I would like to find their relatives, look at their Twitter feeds, and then find where they work and get their relatives, the people they love, fired from their jobs, and saying you can't take pot shots at us anymore. You can't try to censor us anymore because we're going to go after you back. You can't just take free shots and if it doesn't stick, walk away. You're right.

You're right. It's frustrating. It's scary. It's literally scary. The rage goes wherever it wants to go. They can't do anything about it. They can take it. Anything they want out of context

and put fucking flags and bells and whistles behind in a soundbed and fucking attack. And all these people might show me. Maybe don't think so before doing a joke about Jesus next time or about girls next time. And it's like no, they won't think twice. They'll just be annoyed by you. There's people on Twitter that literally like,

like I've been banned from writing to this person and this was in their bio Someone tweeted at the podcast saying you blocked him You must have said she wants to say shit about you you blocked him and he got pissed off I have a rule if you put a smile face at the end of it, you're blocked. No, you're in. I won't block it. Right, right, right. I love you, Bob. Yeah. Then I know you're not you're doing it to try to be funny. Yeah. You're not doing it because if you don't follow me, you're gone. Why do I have to fucking take shit from people that don't even support my career? Yeah. You follow me and you're trying to be funny and you say some mean shit I'll take the hit but if you're somebody else's fan and you're trying to fucking go put Jim Jim

Bob is fuck fuck you and you don't follow me go fucking die, you know right? Yeah, you know, I love cuz I get this shit every nine months or so with the Mexicans always bother me But I just mute them you just mute them and that way they don't even get the satisfaction of thinking oh I got some of these blocks, but here's the thing you can yeah, but what I did enjoy. I love it I love that a grown man got mad and another grown man, because I blocked him on a, are you fucking out of your mind?

Are you fucking crazy that you are an emotional? I just said, fuck you, goodbye, and never thought of you again. You're fucking complaining about like we broke up, like we were fucking dating, fucking coward, shut the fuck, who's the fucking idiot? You are. So I love when certain people I block, I block,

I mute some people, certain people I fuck block, and I love it. You then reevaluate what the fuck you did. It makes them go, what the fuck did I fuck? Well, they usually go, I do nothing, because they go, they can still tell me, they made Bobby Kelly block me, or someone still blocked me, can you talk to them? It's like you did nothing on you honestly telling me that

What makes them read it makes them evaluate what the fuck they did and if they hate me forever But they don't they don't do it to you because they'd like you and they don't want you to block them Then I did I did my job. Well, I'll miss somebody if they've if it tweeted at me like 14 times in a day This guy goes just pre-ordered Bobby's new special then found out he blocked me from Twitter Well, we're refunds and I think it was Ed. Yeah, okay, what did Ed say though? Yeah, we have no idea what he said to get I know Yeah, yeah, it's really pissed you off. Oh, yeah, he probably said something. He probably fucking Here find out what it was tell you what tell you what ed right to Bobby through the website or something like that Yeah, you admit what you did wrong. I asked forgiveness and I bet how long block you absolutely

I've got to say what you did wrong not just say I didn't do anything I am block people all the time because I first of all sometimes I go on tangents and I miss read because I'm dumb Well, sometimes I go on tangents and I misread because I'm dumb. And I'm misread the fuck they're gonna. And it really is like, Hey man, behind you all the way big boy. And I'll just see big boy and behind. Are you not fucking me from behind? That's so.

So I'm sometimes I fuck up, but yeah, I'm sure this guy, he probably deleted it this motherfucker. And that I'm telling you that that's find it. If you can find it before it's scroll through that I already went through a bunch of it. Yeah, but it's like fuck you dude. It's like stop trying to be me and my friends to me that I don't know you. And if you're gonna be me try harder make it funny. Some of the shit people write I laugh all out. I like you are. I'm a tweet say you all the time.

Yeah, of course he does. Yeah, you shit fan. You have. Let me see if he's muted or something. I'd say log into your Twitter. I hope he's You can mute it like mute all their tweets And they can keep going they can see your shit they can keep tagging you just never see it Why why isn't Twitter fucking do something about it though go do somebody's tweet they have said they are they have said they are Recently Like this is that the They, they, they like this whole,

they have said they are. They are. We're just as educated. I'm just wondering if, I don't know if it's you or me because I'm telling you, when they cross the line, when they, when they try to get to you and they go, oh, fuck, and kill you if I see you, you're like, I gotcha.

And you just click report, harassment, it takes you through. What's, was it self-harm? Was it bodily harm? You say yes. Yeah. And then they just like, they say, we were looking at it and then you get another email and our latest that their Accounts been deleted how's this and then like and then that fat mush you know opens up another account under fucking sure Dick head fucking one five two Without avatars all block instantly

Yeah, you just got on here, you know't even, you don't even on here. Here's another thing too. Yeah, if you have something other than your face and your avatar, and you sit fucking goodbye. Go find, if you have that much of a coward where you can't even put your fat, don't call me fat. And if I go and see your fat, I'm, you go fuck you. Oh, that's the worst. And then you have a fat kid, you're holding a fat kid in a photo.

Oh, you fucking fat family Anyways, um go to the chat room real quick before we leave Sure when talking about our handicaps of choice Louis J Gomez says Jew blood. Oh Jesus It is to Lewis. Same before, and for when he gets back. Fun, you've been really, he become, I'm funny as he goes on the road. I wasn't she at all.

I think one of the nights was sold out. He goes, it was sold out. I go, yeah, because of you. I guarantee you had nothing to do with it. Great treat. It's his birthday today. Happy birthday. Happy birthday Lewis.

Wow. Happy birthday Lewis. Yeah, fuck you. Is anybody from any of you girls fuck Lewis? No, I hate him. We have a, we have a thing. Do you know what I do? No, he banned me from Ella.

Did you really? Yeah, he banned me in an unbanned me. Because we won Nair's commercial on fucking. What's his commercial? I don't know. I didn't, uh, he didn't unbanned you though. Let's talk shit about this. No, because I don't know I didn't he don't ban you though let's talk shit about it because I don't apologize I was like I don't like Louis he like I like when people talk yeah yeah I love I love this I love his skin I love his wife oh he's nothing better than trashy

Louis one of the most honest guys on the fuck I mean before he told me fucking him and just took that takes out It's not a jerk enough just the shit and giggles to scare to ski to hurt that story It's good for the day big J was in the bathroom They wanted him to could thought it be funny if he comes out and they would naked over One of them went we should be hard That wasn't the point of the story though. The point was that it was going to cheer and J.

And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not a control. That's not a control. That's not, that's called homosexuality. Yeah, that's where I mean, it's not a joke anymore. It's not a joke. No, it's a lifestyle choice.

Yeah, it's a good, good, good. Look it is. No, it's not. I've been sitting here for 10 years and just goes finally. And finally. So you and he still hasn't brought you back in? It's gone now.

He doesn't do it all anymore. He's going to the regular chats. He loses probably. I've already called capitals. I'm just telling everything. It's gone. I'm going to make you boy. I'm going to find an angry Puerto Rican fucking

emoji. I don't know. Just a fucking book. It's a guy with a stupid hat. Right probably found an angry Puerto Rican fucking Fucking put together with a stupid So so you never slept with them. So why don't you ban you? Because we the first time we met him we were Legion's gang's we he goes these chicks are so fucking hot. Do you see a lot these chicks are and we're standing like I'm right here It's being honest. Yeah, yeah, that's it being nice. Yeah, I guess I mean, I don't I don't have a problem I'm a little aggressive though. I mean you know, but it's the same I also it's a little bit of a compliment at them

If a guy turns around and say you're hot, it is not it's everything Look at that. Fuck it. Yes Look at that. it yes look at the hog said that yeah somebody I think that if it's if these two girls are there and you don't know them and you never met them and their comics their colleagues and you usually look at these these chicks a hot like a hot I don't know them, they're not colleagues yet. Yeah, I'm doing it for a podcast. But you know their comics.

Yes, it was funny, right? Okay, okay. You know their comics, you wouldn't do that. You wouldn't do that. If I was saying it's somebody not knowing the people were right behind me. If they were two regular chicks and they were comics, okay. If you were behind your obviously, you would say. Well, the Louis didn't know that you were behind them, right?

We were in rainfront. I will stick up for my friend. It was all very hard for them. Fuck you guys, you're on tape. No, no, no, no, no. It's fine, it's for sure. You're not that hot. The Louis didn't know that you were behind them right we were right in front I will stick up I will stick up in my friend brother fuck you got shot It's fine Hot It's I know we're comedian he was way too excited about I'm like we're not you've seen a woman right you guys are my type you guys are my type

In the chat room what's he saying? Oh, yeah, he responded. Let me just blow up. Oh car Hey Lewis low shake homie says tell our ad, bring weed back, and that he's an idiot. I'm the idiot. Okay, guys. Garbage New Yorkers. Two hours behind. And the second thing was, tell Karen she's fat. Oh, man.

He wonder why people. Wow. I mean, why would you like him? Really good, why? I know. This is what he does. He's just literally, you're actually fighting, right? You're fighting him through on a couple punches. He just takes a knife out and slices you down.

Right, it's all he knows. And you're like, I'm just wrestling. Yeah, but no, you're samurai warriors. That's how you go to move. Yeah, he really is just a fucking ass. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's I have a sore. I'm like fucking goes and chases a monkey. The people you guys, you wouldn't air the commercial for his pockets.

Why would they air a commercial? Everyone, everyone I heard, everyone to stand up, New York Labs was doing a commercial, and you guys said no. And we invited him on the podcast and said, we don't do commercials. We don't do commercials for money or for any reason on our show that's a blanket rule. And I said, even though we haven't fucked you, please come on and he goes, I don't do commercials. We don't do commercials for money or for any reason on our show That's a blanket rule and I said even though we haven't fucked you please come on he goes I don't have time

I was like your Lewis J. Gomez you certainly have time That's a problem if people get angry. I think everything exists in a vacuum It's like how come you the only one not having my commercials like are you stepping back and looking the fact that they have no commercials Right, you're just getting angry in your own world and also his pocket He's a notorious slut shame or why the fuck am I gonna tell people to listen and on our on our thing where we have like actually Something that we're trying to do which is not hate women and that's his like for today I know response. Yeah, please a slut shamer. No, it says it on his business card Hang on what second this new saying that everybody gets to fucking use now the shaming thing. No, to Sean we want him to change yeah

The podcast is like Jezebel don't worry. It's fine. I like Jezebel too. I don't I love family it's always non- I really do love when they're gonna Boycott Comedy Central for Trevor Noah and it like, what's your favorite show on Comedy Central right now? Tell me one of the plots of one of the episodes. Amy Schumer's, oh you're not asking me. But it's like, they don't listen anyway. They're not, they're not customers who are complaining.

It's like, get out of here. It's like, I'll never go to Big Mac. I'll never go to McDonald's. I think it's gross, but the Big Mac suck now. You should need it. It's like, well, you're never gonna go anyway. Well, look at Comedy Central, though. I mean, you can't get more diverse than that fucking network network to two of the biggest shows and the funniest shows of women

Okay, the city is fucking retarded funny so Amy okay show you got one white guy on Comedy Central one One and a half Bobby Josh is the only fucking white guy on top Josh Tosh That's it. No, no, no, no. We're the Hawlicks. We're the Hawlicks. Those guys do great. Okay, that's so amazing. But it used to be all white guys. Yeah, so they fucking made the switch.

It can occur. We, we would around the turn at them. You're still bitching at them. We gotta do this. We gotta do that. You don't have to do anything. Women are funny. Black people are fucking president and have their own show. And you know, I, and what is weird is that we're given these shows too.

It is interesting that we're given... That's Louis and his Lamborghini. That's ridiculous. I'd love it if there was a knock at the door. He's just fucking sweating with roll of lights. Fucking cons. That would be so happy. Does he still happen in there?

Yeah, we had a couple things from him I love Lewis. I asked him to come on the show today I didn't know you guys what I didn't even know any of that shit, but it was gonna be on the show He couldn't come in but he goes to the chat room. It's like I don't have time. You're in my chat room You also want to do a commercial for his podcast. He was really upset. Is he on the wide final plane? No, it's for his joke. He was a joke.

I was joking. I was joking. That was a joke? Yeah. I thought it was a joke. I'll take the bandana. I'll take it. I thought it was okay.

I didn't get it. I just didn't get it. Go ahead. What is he saying? It was a joke, you stupid bitch. It's like an American joke. What was a saying? It was a joke, you stupid bitch. It's like an American joke. What was a joke? It was some response to you.

Hey, can you next time we have Aari on the show, can you not put the camera so far down and up? Could be so. Yeah, I know, I get it. Someone in chat said Nick, he said that must suck to share a bag of Coke with Aari. Does it? That's the joke that I don't like. He said that must suck to share a bag of coke with Ari

That's the jokes that I don't like yeah, it's like yeah with guys come on step it up Not even because it's just like That's like but who does VICE not 89 People are doing You know what I mean? People are doing coke. That's not what I mean. It's coming back. It's coming back.

I'm not doing coke. That's not my drip. I'm talking to a Puerto Rican about coke. He sold it two weeks ago. But also it's hacky because it's not about the nose size. It's about the nostril size for coke. And my nostrils aren't that big. It's just the overall bulbousness of my nose.

It's my Catholic grandma. They're here. Why did you bring him here? I got to think that Lewis really wants me to read. What is it? Wait a minute, let it should hold on. You read all you're about to read? I think it's fun.

Hopefully this is a resignation letter from somebody. I, I, I, I, I, so he wants you to read it. Yeah, okay. How's it going, right? Thank you. Before you read it, let's go through it, guys. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for coming on brother. I'm gonna pee while you're doing this. Okay, what? Okay, cool. Um, I sit down sit down. Anyways, Sean. Thank you for coming. We'll read it. We'll let it be the last thing on the on the show. Okay, so we

on the show. So we, uh, thank you for coming on. Ricky, thank you for coming. I was always, did you have a good time? I love coming here. Awesome doing, man. This is, I mean, it was crazy. I don't have that many people on, but we worked it out today.

I hope you guys listen in at home. It wasn't too crazy, but it gets a little nuts, but this was a fucking fun show. It was fun. I really appreciate you guys listening to the YKWD. I love that we always have new people on. We have old people on that we love.

I really want to expose all you fucking assholes that like me to new people, even if Lewis doesn't like these more. What? Hahaha. But let's listen to Lewis's, what Lewis has to say, we'll let him have the last word.

We'll let him have the last word. Okay. One, two, three. Check out RiotCast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free, and they're all free. you