Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Behavement Behavior

Episode Date: October 13, 2014

Robert is joined by Bill Dawes, Brandon Collins, Wil Sylvince, Shannon Heyer, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill.     RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable, 33 grados. Buscas contenido gratis. I wanna be see. Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. I was trying to keep black comedy gay. I have a lot of you guys on. It's just us sitting down.

Yeah. And sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's intense. It's Robert Kelly's. You know what? You know what? You know what? It's no topics, no directions.

But I love doing it. You know what? You're a cast, though. Side. Side. Oh. Right. Right.

Right. Oh Oh Fucking oh my god Fucking scopo Fucking a this is the problem with you two scopo is that you fuck up and you can't just go Yeah, you're right. I fucked up. You guys I have been doing that Bobby I've been doing that for so long. I tell you I fucked up the cameras were set up and ready to go This was the camera when we started the show then someone hit the hit the hit it then Who's that I don't know who it was but I just set the cameras up with him we set it up together I went downstairs the store I can be guys can't just leave things as is you know what you're the fucking problem well

You're the fucking problem because every time you show up late I'm here on time No, you're here on time because he had to run down to get you eating the falafel You would have been down there fucking eating and we would have started the show and you would have I was on the way up Why he was coming to get me at the same time was he on the way up? What? He was in a falafel right? I don't know what what are you trying to say D. Poo say it you have a microphone I'm trying to get will in the shot here the yeah, you have will should move closer to shan a little bit

The cameras aren't fucking set upright You didn't know what you didn't know what live it more so the right just turn But it has nothing to do with Adrian will isn't in the fucking shot well We didn't calibrate for will yet. What kind of calibrate? calibrate the fuck is calibrate You count how many people are in the fucking studio and then you fucking set the cameras up to get the chairs I had the three of us here. Yeah, and the two of them here. So that chair wasn't gonna be used no See again back to you if you were on fucking time

What man what's top of today? Topic is fucking tartiness And why if dude if he could be on time I guess who's that guy he's a black dude he's another black dude I see I'm gonna say the quick lands by what you're entering no that's bullshit man that's bullshit now it's not we're fixing the cameras during the show. Fucking great. We're good now. I have three fucking interns here. I have a producer, a fucking, I guess the real producer, because he's fucking talking about that on the line.

And I have a fucking professional fucking intern in the studio. There's three people. And it's still fucking everything's fucked up How does the fact is that after why you get want to get one good intern? I can't find it. It doesn't exist I'm what? I'm excited over here. I tried. Oh, you got bored. I love I would have picked you But you know what? I you have fucking two hours during a day that you can work I'd love to I want to be the intern But I can only work from seven to eight forty five on Tuesdays and fucking fuck you. I can't do it

But I'd be on time you would be on time God damn it. You know where one of those sweaters And this is the finding thing is that I You're late and I told we had a talk look everybody's being late on the show now, everybody used to show up, this is the problem, this is it, you ready? People get too familiar, okay? You've been on the show three weeks in a row, fucking hey, I don't need to be,

you think you're not listening. I don't know how it stays, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, you get too familiar. What happens? It happens with every fucking situation, any job, anything, you you get to from you find out Oh, you used to be early as a motherfucker. He'd show up be the first one here But now he's on three weeks in a row. He's kind of feeling I've been killing

I showed up early No, nobody was here on time and the show started what I just say see that so now because you're late now fucking early Dawes next time he's gonna be fucking late cuz you it's a disease It's a Was technically still now said I'm figure you know what they're gonna start late listen No, we don't start late. We start late because you are late. Me. Dude, I start off time.

I was gonna say you people are late. You might as well just say that, Bob. Hey, hey, wait. That's what people do. Exactly. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We got clear. That is true.

I don't know you're the first person. Me and Scobo, I says to him, I says, look, everybody's showing up late. And I don't want that. It's not fair to the people that show up on time. It's not fair to me. I need to go. Now, you, because you show up late,

now we can't start the show. Dan Soto said he could be here from three to five. He's got to leave. We start at three thirty. He's got to leave at fucking five. So it's only an hour and a half. So everything gets fucked up. I was like, we got to make sure

that the people are coming on the show. Everybody knows you got to, it's a nine o'clock show. What time would you get there? Eight. What time? Eight. Not you as a nobody, but you as a guest. Oh, probably around eight, thirty.

Eight, forty, I would say at eight, thirty. I would just downstairs eating, Bobby. That's it. But you're not, you're not up here. You're walking at nine. I had to send somebody to get you at nine o'clock. I was, yeah, you had to send somebody to get you at nine o'clock Yeah, that's you had to send somebody to my house. What?

We nobody knows me No, you know, is it fucking me? We don't know you live That's the point what For black people that's when you're late what they have sent some to your house. What's the second topic the second the second topic is Fucking will so things, okay? That's the second topic the second the second topic is fucking will so that stinks, okay? That's the second topic Stop trying to fucking forward the show I'm not fucking moving on I'm not I'm gonna Into the fucking ground because that I tell scopo we have what it was we had to talk what I what did we come up with as We text will as you as the producer of the show, text will text, tell them to get,

make sure, make sure you know the show's in line. What do I tell you not to text people? What do I say to you? Call. But why do I, what do I say to you? Calls, I don't care what will does. What do I say? Call.

So you're supposed to call them and get in touch with them, no matter what. Yes, but will never answers his phone. I was, I was, I was, anyone, doesn't answer his phone. I can't understand him when he talks. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, wait a second, he has a saint. I was a saint. I was a saint. I was a saint. I was a saint.

I was a saint. I was a saint. I was a saint. I was a saint. I was a saint. I was a saint. I was a saint. I was a saint. It's a country. It's a country. It's a place

Still a country. Everything is essentially is a island accurate I said essentially I said it is It's listening to me. You just went you're off It's, it's, it's, it's listening to me. You just went, you're off. I, I got in at, I got in at seven third. I had to go to the customs, hauled ass, went home, got my bag and came back in,

still got here on time at eight third. All right, here's a deal. So we had this conversation in Fox Woods, right? Mm-hmm. And I, we, what we say, make sure you tell people to be here on time, right? Because you know, you've been late, I want you to make people to be here on time, right? Because you've been late, I want you to make sure you're here on time, right?

But you didn't do that to him. Why did not tell a little bit? So I said, make sure to be here at nine. Do you understand how he gets out of it? You like my wife, it's like fucking arguing with my wife. You sneaky, fuck, we're men, just be a man and go, you know what, Bob? You're right, I fucking didn't do it.

Well, you came up with the plan and I didn't do it and I fucked up, move on, we're done. But you're like my wife, really? Well, you said really. Because I booked a show for how long? It's going well. And then one time I fuck up here, you go, give you a book of show.

You really think I'm gonna have fucking Adrian book the show? The why you're fucking? Do you really think I'm gonna have fucking Adrian? No offense, Adrian. You really think I'm gonna have fucking Adrian book the show. The white fucker. Do you really think I'm gonna have fucking Adrian? No offense Adrian. You really think I'm gonna have fucking Adrian pale forehead, right? Why is your forehead so white? I don't know.

Are you sick? Do you have heart problems? No, I've been like this a lot. Adrian, you have heart problems. Adrian is Spanish. Yeah. You're Spanish? Spanish?

His last name is Fernandez. Get out of here. I didn't know that. I thought you were Italian. I'm having a time. Oh, OK. My mom's Italian and my dad's English. You can stay.

So who you represent, though? What's that? Who you represent? What do you mean by a nationalist? How do you name it? No, when people ask me when I am? Yeah, when you ticker the box, which one do you ticker? Oh, Hispanic.

Tickle. I don't know what. Stop. Hang on one second. Brandon, Brandon, you're representing him tonight. What the fuck did he just say? I believe Check box on the system chip. Thank you. You know what the hell? But that I check Latino Latino. Yeah, yeah, it's good. You were scholarship money

Now when the cops pull you over what do you do? Oh? Well, I don't say anything and I always get asked all the time. People look at my drivers and say Fernandez Lean into this make sure you stay there And the cop and the cut and the cop actually you have to hurt Bill. You can just I'm sorry Bill This is a fucking cluster fire. I really I just need to fire every I just need to go back to my phone That's what I need to do. just need to go back to my phone. That's what I need to do. Fuck these microphone's, go back to my phone.

I'll just show up downstairs at the cellar and we'll just do it at a table. That's what I should fucking do. Can I help with that? Huh? You can have the same doing internies holding the phone. Literally, I just, this three, I walk up here. I'm like, wow, there's three guys. They're all doing something.

This fucking douche has been on a fucking three shots since we started the show. That's not true. I've been going back and forth, man. I'm capturing everything. I've been on a rant for fucking ten minutes. Bobby likes to talk to you. He's got a three shot.

I like two shots. I know what you like about that. Did you tell him that? Yeah, he's so stupid. First thing, just say you fucked up. Just say you fucked up. Yeah, I fucked up. I know what you like about that. Did you tell him that? Yeah. First thing, just say you fucked up. Just say you fucked up. Yeah, I fucked up. I fucked up, Bobby.

I didn't tell him to do the three shots. What did you tell him? No, I fucking did tell him. I told him how to do it. Oh my god, God damn it. It's so close. Anyways. Oh, fucking scope, oh man.

I put all the trust in you. I want to give you this when I leave. I want to say to you. I'm inheriting this. I want you to have all this when I leave I want to say I'm hurting this. I want you to have all this when I leave but you fucking I feel like Willie Wonka and the truth at the end when he's yelling you win nothing Nothing you've touched the walls of the fizzy Fuck an asshole. All right. We got who do we got in the room scope?

We'll go around the room. Oh, it's left we have Broadway star, Bill Dawes everybody. Please, please have some self-esteem on my show. You're a fucking Broadway actor. You've been in a bunch of Broadway shows. You've been on TV. You made a bunch of movies. You're a fucking mediocre comic also. You stand up. So I mean, you get a lot of talent, bro. Okay, thank you for the mediocre comic part I appreciate it. You're a good your stand-up comic. You're a great stand-up comic too. I mean you know

I can't make it live enough of it but you Could definitely do spots in the city not this city, but if you were an LA you could get spots Regular L.O.L. so yeah, let's go down there. What is L.O.L? So yeah, let's go down there. What is LL? And the house is closed. Oh, Louis. We're not allowed. Yeah, Bill Dawes is back who's fucking, you know, I mean, I, I, dude, I saw your play about, um, what's his name from?

What's, what's the, what's the, uh, Vincel Barney? Vincel Barney. It was amazing. You were fucking brilliant in it. I loved it, dude. You were fucking great, man. Do you tell him what the other play, your last play? Yeah, he didn't see that one. I didn't see it because you never invited me. You said it lasted four minutes.

Yeah. It was a four minute play. No, it's just bombed. Yeah, well, whatever. I would have went and saw it. You're really great, man. I mean, theater is hard, man. It's really hard.

It's not like a movie or a television show where you cut and you do a couple harder than then sitcoms What's that? Yeah, it comes to similar to theater actually I think well depends on what sitcom I'm a four-camera shoot in front of a live studio It's absolutely like theater right. I'm never someone. I don't know. Okay. Well Christ you do stink Jesus Christ, you do stink. Then we got Adrian, Adrian Tier. What's up? New member of Sirius.

Did you get in? Yeah, tell you his my first day. Hey man, congratulations. Thank you. He is an intern on the O and A show and another show too, right? What's up? Is it just the O and Ju show? Oh, Jojo.

Oh, Ju, Jesus. Oh, O and Ju. What is it called the old Owen Jou show oh Joe Joe oh Joe oh Opie and James what is it I'm working I'm working for the the whole channel what's it called what's what are they call on the show now Opie shows Opie and Jim Northern Opie and Jim Norton Opie and Jim Norton Opie and Jim Norton Yeah they changed the channel to one serious to what Opie it's Opie radio To what? It's OP. It's OP radio. Wow, that doesn't say something. Wow.

Wow. Oh, then we got Brandon Collins. White is black, guys. What's up, everybody? Brandon Collins, one of my favorite guests on the show, always on time. None of it has to go somewhere. It's just a sweet. Well, you have, you come, you make it.

Don't take it like that. Oh shit. Um You fall or she has you. I don't know what that was. I don't I think I just had a heart attack in my asshole I'm not gonna laugh. I was sitting on my couch just watching TV when scopletex to me about the show They're listening. I know you're one of my favorite guests You're very funny and you're always on time and you never have to leave early And you never have an excuse that you went to another country and you fucking flew here from I keep fuck off I don't know what he said I didn't need you understand it it's a country city fucking festival thank you for being

here brother and then of course we have Shannon who are all disappointed were a sweater. It's fucking easy. I know. Did you want another beer? Turn the fucking AC. Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off. Actually turn the heat on.

I don't want to fucking get her in the head. Do you want another beer too? I don't want another beer. Do you want another beer? Yeah. Wait, wait a minute, settle down. No, fast these guys got up. Go ahead, Deepo.

Go get her a beer. Get her a beer. Come on, my God. Turn that this way a little bit. And here. Turn that that one. Go ahead depot go get her like the ocarina man come on my god Turn that this way a little bit Turn that that one that sounded like the beginning of a date rape. Yes God all right while we got a beer for her how much drunk do you want to get sweetie? No, I shouldn't even be having beer. Yeah, yeah, I know. That's the first thing to want. That's the first thing in my porno with her.

She says, I shouldn't even be drinking, I know. Just one. So we got Shannon. Well, you were runner up. You and Dan actually were very close. Neck and neck. My next littler though. That's my try to joke.

That was a great joke. I love it. Good job. That was adorable. Can you laugh next time? I can't laugh when I look at your mouth. All right. So yeah, you were there, but I mean, you know, one of the things that was against you

is that you have a, you have a real job. You have a real job. If you didn't have a real job, you would have been literally, I would have got rid of Scopo, Adrian. I everybody would have been, I would have mean you. I wouldn't even have guests. It would just be me and my friend. But then you'd be yelling at me like you did to them

when we first got here. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like that we first got here. I like that I'm fucking you're out of your mind. I probably tell her shut her face after the second week No, I'm kidding. I wouldn't do that. Yes you would here's a thing Does this wise copo annoys me? This is why he fucking annoys me is cuz we have we literally have conversations like a hey Dude, what can we do? I got it. I'm on it. And then he does it. He has two people he can delegate all kinds of shit to. Adrian, you'd fucking do anything you told you to do, right?

You're a fucking soldier. I you know what I mean. I'm not gonna suck a mute off any almost person shit. I'm talking about as far as the show go. Yes, absolutely. Depot, you do whatever he told you to do, right? Oh, yeah, it's Depot. I said Depot., you said do pull What did you say do pull I heard you man?

Okay, hang on one second Did I did you guys know I said deeper right? Do pull you said you said deeper. I said do pull I said deeper. No, you said do poo go to the Something well hang on one second. I want to I want to say we're gonna go through everybody individually. What did I say? You said deeper. What did I say? I heard deep but I don't know okay? What the fuck? I want will such a white person. I said deep. Oh What did I say

Hang on one second deep. What did I say? I know what it is, but what did you say? Hang on one second, Deepu what did I say? Deepu. Yeah, you're out of your fucking mind. Oh, can we go to the tape? No, no. Because I didn't say dupe. You said dupe, and that's what made me like, what the hell? That's why you talk funny, because you actually say that you hear.

You hear wrong. Maybe that's it, hear you hear wrong. Maybe that's it. That's your seat here. Yeah, that's that's why you hear wrong. You hear wrong. You when you when I said say you're on the YKWD you heard me say Y.Colk, Colk, Colk, Colk, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, do you heard that? That's why you said I'm on the Y.Colk, Colk, Bob, Bob, Bob, do when this is You heard that. That's why you said, I'm on the Waka-Kaka-Baba-Doo. When this is.

You should. Everybody listening, when it airs, please tweet this fun. What's your Twitter? Well, sovents. At Well, sovents. Please tweet him and let him know that I didn't say do pool.

At Tag, do pool. Ha ha ha. Aren't people in the chat room right now? I don't know, I haven't seen it. We'll pull it up right now. Thank you for... Look at that. Look at that. Fuck it. Why? Why do you have to have an...

How much is it gonna cost to get you off your day job? I have... I have three jobs. You have three kids? No, I have no kids. You have no kids? Are you sure you have no kids? I'm not. You never had a kid for like a sister or something.

I'm stuck up with John. How do you... I don't even know how. That's not what the Tesla will have kids in that. You have a fucking pregnancy swab. I can I can rub the walls of her vag with and it will tell Well, just let your tongue. What do I do put up? Do I get a swab and put it in the container and shake it if it turns blue?

She had a fucking kid. Mel, but John's Oh my god, I'm gonna throw up. Why I don't understand what that means. What what smell is it? It's a kid that I got kids with, John. But what the fuck? What the fuck, listen to me. You can be late anytime you want. All right, I apologize. I never not want you on my show again.

What the fuck are you talking about? Never heard of that. No. What smell is it? I can't, Bobby. What just describe it? I please Google smells. What's open up another brown another window and and Google mother vagina smell. Is that it? What is it? No, I don't know what it's smell. I want to go to that anyway. I want to go to that anyway.

I want to go to that anyway. I want to go to that anyway. I want to have a different smell when they have kids when they don't have kids. What type of like? What does it smell like? it, anything close? Yeah, like fucking turkey limbs. What is this, what is this? Smell like problems. Problems and poverty. What kind of problems? Like black people problems, white people problems. What, looking up, man?

What is this fucking up? I'm working on it. All right, we're looking on it. We're getting it. Also, the chat is confirming that he said depot. Fucking depot. So go fuck yourself. How's that sound?

Thank you, chatroom, two people. Thank you. Fucking. The people in the chatroom was not paying attention, so it was gawd up. Wait to the videotape. You mean the people listening to the fucking show? Wait to the videotape comes out. What am I? The fucking separutofilm? Where does support the film? Oh God.

I just threw up in my mouth. I've never been. He's so dumb it makes me throw up. What is the word? I don't know what that one means to you. Thank you. Thank you. Black people don't care about John Kennedy's assassination. Let's go on the one. You know what we know what that word mean? What word? It's a prudert film. It's the what that word mean. You don't know what that word is? Yes. You know what that word mean? Yeah. You know what that word mean? Oh my God. I feel like the educated guy but I hit Okay, you know what that word mean? What are we talking? You just called them do poo

No, that's what you fucking hear you dummy You called them Dupu. Because you said it earlier. I was stuck in my head, Bob. I never said Dupu. You said, I said Dupu. I swear to God, you're a fucking dumb, and like in your head, you hear dumb. Listen to me.

It's the film, you know, the actual film, what is it? It's a Dupu film. No. Do you please explain it to them, Bill dollars. It's a film that showed Kennedy's assassination. You know the film where the film shows the bullet going and it goes back and Jackie tries to grab his brain pieces

off the back of the thing and yeah, the guy who took that. What's his first name? Mr. Abraham. Mr. Oh, nice. Who said Mr. I love that you have to have. Mr. Oh nice You said mr. As all I love that you have Abraham you're half dumb Anyways, did you did you go go the smell of the vagina? And what is it is a do you develop a stronger sense of smell doing pregnancy?

Thank you wait hold the Giants are in the sense of smells of the vagina's can actually smell things what are you talking about? But that's completely different than what like will say and he said like you After a chicken yeah a baby by her yeah, how long after a chick has a baby? Can you smell how long the smell? I just know there's a smell when they pregnant and have multiple kids is it smell? What's all I know I'm talking about? Try to find that try to find that he's saying after the baby's born, you can smell it.

So if she had a kid, we could smell her vagina and it would smell of baby. I think what we're getting is that will fucks women who are pregnant. I think that's really what we're getting. No, women who had babies. Somebody give her the handkerchief, please. No, I mean, that's what we're saying, right?

That's please, no. That wasn't a joke, that was a scientific, that was a scientific corporation. You know, Bobby. You know, I just don't want to agree with you because you say, hangy, hangy chief, hangy chief, hangy chief. I don't want to hangy chief is. That's not what the fuck is hangy chief.

All right, listen, here, we got, I think we got to start off. I came in, Scopo, you fucking annoying. This why you annoy the fuck out of me. Cause we have Conversations and then you forget to do it because you're a fucking lazy Mama's boy the lives of the house. I am the fucking lazy because of this show but you live with your mama. Yeah What is it because your is it. You should come over anytime you want.

And do what? We can have some steak. Mom can cook some mashed potatoes. Mom? Yeah. That's real Italian. Stake your mashable. Do you have an American? Well, she's Irish.

You have an original American. You have Irish Italian, right? Not Irish. What else are you? I'm Italian, Dutch and German. Dutch. That's where you get that face from. I don't know where it comes from.

I know where it comes from, a black dude from fucking the Netherlands. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, Tony Woods fuck somebody and, all right, nothing. Give me that band down. I'll fuck it, you give me a handkerchief. Don't throw it at me violently, fucking Haitian. You throw it at people violently when they mess up. I don't even, I just don't know what to do with them. I don't know I can't not not fucking love will so then

Listen when someone's supposed to be here you at nine you come up at 15 minutes early And you sit down you have a drink. Oh, we back to that. Yeah, we're back Do you agree with me or not? Yeah, I agree, yes. So from now on, here's the conversation he should have had with you. Hey, Will, last week, you've been late a couple of times, but can you please just show up like 10, 15 minutes early?

So before 9, you make sure? Yeah, absolutely. So now it's not on him, right? It's on you. So when I go, where's Will? I told him to be here 15 minutes early. Okay, cool. Now when you show up at fucking 905,

because you downstairs, nonchalantly eating the falafel and trying to explain what you just said to somebody, to somebody. Right? I know that's on you. I said I can go go fuck yourself, Will. Be on time. Yes, that works.

I got you. So I'm doing it to protect you. Yes, so that we Cover our own asses. Yes, but you don't see that you got to go I do now, right? Yeah, okay. I love you Scopo. Oh God We give up what's wrong? What the fuck was that? I was the way this guy was like kind of a You like verbally abuse him for an hour and then just hold.

It was only, first of all, it was like, just hold five, high five hands. It was, it was, it was 15 minutes and that's how we fucking make up in this YKWD, okay? We do an Indian love grab. That's what it's called. What? It's an Indian love, not your Indian.

I can't go left. Not Dupu, not Dup it's called. What? It's an Indian love, not your Indian. Not Google, man. Not Dupu's Indian. D-Pood, you say D-Poo, I say D-Poo. You say, listen, I can smell it. You're right, she knows it. I'm kidding. A lot of forms came up saying that women complaining like, oh my vagina smells much stronger,

but there's no stronger. Like how, what's stronger how? Whatever the smell is, how stronger? Well it's good or bad, it's strong. So her pussy, what it smells like before, smells more of. So it's not just, you can't just, so her pussy smells like lime juice,

it smells like a real, more lime juice. That was pretty funny. If I can acknowledge a couple that fucking D-Poo Dupu, It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real.

It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real.

It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells like a real. It smells got a gift. You know what? It's Bobby's birthday on. Can I tell you, I forgot until you came up to me. When you go, we got you something, I literally was like, for what in my head?

I didn't know what you were giving me something. Happy birthday, Bobby. It's my, I forgot it was my birthday. Yeah, when's that? I didn't even know. I forgot. That's crazy. What's happening?

What the, you're trashin' them, man? Hey, so it's my birthday, so he's so when he fucks up I On my On so everybody calm down So calm down so what so here's the fucking rule on my birthday if he fucks up I'm not I'm just supposed to say it's my birthday. So just go ahead and fuck up. That's backwards On my birthday, he should be like looking to birthday. I don't want to fuck up. That's backwards. Oh my birthday. He should be like, look at your birthday.

I don't want to fuck up for your birthday. He got your thick ass card, man. It is pretty thick. But thank you, buddy. Oh, it's from the boys. Who's the boys? Me, Dan, Dan, Joe, and Lewis. And I was gonna sign it, but I didn't get it.

You were in fucking. This is very thick. It's a thick. It's thick, yeah. It's three cars. That's why a thousand dollars Watch your hands. You're the greatest money. Mm-hmm. All right, so yeah Okay, birthday checklist Put away hate long cards You're another year older, but you can still touch your toes, which I can't

Play most sports. I bad knees, I'm fat. Do 50 pushups, I can do eight. Run a mile, no I can't. Control your bladder. I go three times a day, I have to go in the middle of the night. We'll read the card. Please, please tell me at least checked one,

you checked one of the last ones. No, happy bread. Not them. Okay, that was pretty funny. Did you do the tickle tickle on the other? Please tell me at least checked one, you checked one of the last ones. No, happy, but I, not them. Okay, that was pretty funny. I like that. You took a tickle on that joke. Please tell me. You, at least checked that last one.

Oh, please tell me you checked at least the last one. Yeah. So I checked, I can control my bladder. That was what I was hoping, yeah. I can, but a little peak comes out all the time. So the tip of my dick is always wet and it creates a fungus. And there's a smell on the end of my hog. So, the author still know why that happens, right? Why? I asked my neurologist, I had the same thing fungus and there's a smell on the end of my hog. So, Dr. Stoney, why that happens, right?

Why? I asked my neurologist, had the same thing and he's like, I can't tell you why. I was, I was fucking neurologist. Hang on, be honest. Really quick, I was kidding. Dr. Stoney, I was joking. I, I hope, I'm sorry that you're bonding me. What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

What did you get? What's the prize? What was the prize, guys? Did you pee a little bit for no reason? Man, yeah, it's weird. Yeah, it's weird. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Like, it's our shake.

I can't eat. Can we? Is someone scared you? What'd you get, Bobby? Yeah, can we hang on? We're gonna go back to his dick, but hang on. I will not let, we will talk about this well. You understand me?

I'm gonna open this up. This is a, which, you know, they know that I'm a fucking sucker for Apple products $100 man. Why not phone watch? No, I'm not gonna get a watch. It's fucking 500 bucks. You can buy a lot of p3s of that one I'm gonna buy ampti now it's put on my fucking 16 year old girl I'm gonna buy a nice I'm gonna buy the Bluetooth keyboard with this. Thank you, man. That's very nice you guys. You know, I love you It's all four of us. Yeah, I love all of you guys. Yeah, even Lewis Even Lewis I do I know he didn't add to this. I know you guys paid for it in here

Can you put my name on it? I'll pay you back. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no So hold on. This cut's been on a fucking three shot for eight minutes. So you know, I haven't. You pay for for for fake, but you pay for real. I don't know what that means. Everybody pays. Hang on. We need to we people listening to this. I need to finish the sentences. I need to reconstruct them.

So the people listening go, what the fuck does that mean? So Bobby, you don't have a problem being you were just kidding about it. And you Brandon really do have a leaky penis. Is that correct? Leaky dick? Well, all right, so here's what happens, right? So please explain. I'll let you go, I'll shake, what have you.

And it'll still like, a little bit will still come out. And I like, I went to the doctor, I was like, hey, got this weird thing. He said, I literally don't know what causes that. Like, first of all, you said neurologist the first time. You're a neurologist, I said all you said neurologist the first time you're aologist. I said you're aologist. Oh, you're a ologist. I'm sorry. Yeah, I have a mumble sometimes I'm sure I've been sure I get a bunch of dots. Yeah, Will's doctor has fucking chicken bones

At a doll that looks like will Wait, did you say I went to mind your neurologist you have your own yourologist like Will. Oh no, I'm dead. Wait, did you say I went to mind your neurologist? You have your own neurologist. Yeah, yeah, because I, yeah. It's been a problem. Yeah. So wait, good enough. Yeah, but you have a big dick too.

Oh come on guys, let's not talk about the game, right? Am I right guys? I'm not letting either one of them pick their fucking massive hogs out on the show. Not with poor Shannon here. You get pictures though? Oh, pictures? No, I'm not doing that.

He's got a picture of his dick. You got a picture of his dick on his phone. Absolutely, of course he does. He fucking has to send it out to every girl that's ever dating him. Hey, can you send that again please? I lost it. I got the new iPhone and. Of course he does. He fucking has to send it out to every girl that's ever dating him. Hey, can you send that again, please? I lost it. I got the new iPhone and I need you to dig pick so I can match the bait. I can get off when my husband's fucking me and Will has a big piece.

But Shannon already knows all this, right? You know, but... I'm listening to the show, yeah. You know that Will has a massive one. Will, I've heard you guys look at the pictures. Bill, I didn't know about. Bill's is fucking perfect. Is it, how is it in Paris as well?

Because it's white? Well, no, because we've never seen, we've just seen yours hang like a snuffa love against Trump. Well, Bill has this picture, a nice solid piece. Like he's, you know, he's here on it. No hair, it's, people have hair on their penis and their actual penis. I don't know. Will's fucking just hanging down like it's dead. Like somebody shot a big dick, you know what I mean?

And it's just hanging, mm. Wait, we'll just took out his phone, I'm gonna get it. Let me see, you got to picture of it, let me see. It's gotta be, it's gotta be hard though. It's gotta be like full fucking holy shitness. When it's hard, man. We're getting phones out.

Alright, get your phone out. Let me see the phone. I don't know what I- Let me see first, let me see, and then- I will say by default his will probably be bigger because black is slimming so it looks more on the photograph. Let me see. Okay, but that-

See, this is the thing. It's- This is not- You don't have one like hard. You have one that holy fucking- This is what it- Motherfucker, dude. I don't even one like hard you have one that holy fuck it Fuck it dude, I don't even know how If this gets hard, it's gonna hurt like you would it would have hit them. I have a question. Yes Don't all guys measure their penises hard. Yes, okay, so what are what are not this? I don't not this

You've never measured. I want these phone. This is listen. You're gonna look I don't know you're gonna you're gonna you have to see it. It's I wanted to go. Let me see wait a minute Let me see let me see your penis. I don't think I have you lying. I swear to God You can look I don't think I can I say it's up in the cloud. I just oh might be in the cloud wait Wasn't I hope it's in the cloud? I hope it's on cloud. I hope it's on the internet right now with that chick from fucking that movie, whatever. Good one. And is already here. Go fuck yourself. You feel it?

What is that? Johnny, yeah. Sorry about that. That's the iPhone Plus. It makes a lot of noise. Did you find it? You're really fucking making this anti-climactic. Can I, this is what we're going to do.

We're going to, I want to pass wills around real quick. And I just, OK, now I'm gonna zoom it in a little. All right, now my God. Look it, look it, now pass it around. Everybody say the first thing that comes to your mind in the microphone, holy shit. Good. Yeah, pretty big.

All right, all right, look. Look, I was gonna be scared of a black penis. All right, say something, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, penis Say something what he what Is that real is that real it's on his body what do you think he fucking did he's on a movie set It could be like Photoshop. Oh come on. That's too much time to fuck a photoshop your dick and then you set it to people Yeah, how big does it get when it's hard wow? You're a fucking yeah, how'd you a size queen? It's got that big butt. First of all, zip up your pants, guppin' right now.

Open your mouth as wide as you can. I gotta fix my mouth. I bet you're cut. Are you serious? Can you really? Why did you look at Will when you said that? Because I'm practicing. All right, so Brandon, back to you real quick.

Awful Will's talk. Yeah, here's the thing. I said my dick. Did did you dick get fungacy smelly because it's always wet No, no, I take two showers a day because I'm a fucking meat fricks. Oh really? Yeah, I'm do you put powder on your cock? But when the showers you pee on yourself I don't I don't go to bathroom that much I don't know what I don't I don't actually don't go to bathroom that much Kind of oh this has happened at the UP. I actually peen about no one then you still got some Yeah, most of the time like if I'm out and shit like I'll like if if it happens like I'll make sure I take a shower before I go out

Like for the night or some shit and then I get out to the trip I want to ask you this have you ever you ever had to pay and then you jerk off Yeah, and then You have that pee like the little bit of pee still in the tip of your dick with like some jizz or something and it's like annoying because you can't get it all out. Yeah, it hurts though. It hurts a lot. It hurts a lot.

What the fuck is that? It's like a stingling sensation on your dick and it bothers you. Stingling. Stingling. Stingling. Stingling. Stingling. Stingling. Stingling. Stingling. Stingling. Stingling. Stingling. Hang on, you can't ever fuck with anybody. If anybody fucks up a word, you cannot speak. No, no, no, no, no. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, I'm talking his wild saying, is Stingling. Yes, Stingling. It's like, is that Stingling? It's not Stingling. It's like, what I do. Oh, you're agreeing with him that the word Stingling is a word. Oh, fucking Christ. Oh, wait, that's him that the word stingling's a word Oh Fucking Stingling So you was gonna attack me for attacking him for what that doesn't exist?

I have to turn your microphone down and up the whole show Listen, do you I don't know what that why is everybody on their phones? I'm sorry. Yeah, get off you phone Please I saw these guys Get off your phone. Do you have a bad motherfucker wallet. No, yes, so I don't know what that is is it that jizz Stays like there's some jizz in there and some pee and because it doesn't it's like annoying. It's almost like oh Fuck it's like aggravating and it hurts you gotta get it out again You gotta like pee it out again. Yeah, like you have to piss it out again. It hurts when you find that piss. It's fucking yeah It's like fuck I hate it. I had to drive all the way to Foxwood with that

And I couldn't like there was no bathroom. I can I just drink a lot of just chuck water Hopefully just peed out somebody told me who the fuck said there was it Lewis. Yeah, Lewis told me to wrap my dick in paper. What? He's going to do it, you got to wrap your dick in paper. Like I have paper in the car. Like I have dick wrapping paper. I don't know what... What would I do?

Like co-text for men? Please go to the chatroom and just I just want to know what they're saying about Will. There's a lot of comments about Will. Doesn't Will's piss smell like Doesn't Will smell like pee from swimming in the toilet What I'm gonna give you this will do poo. You're taking that for the person in the chat room We've never given the bomb and then her to anybody in the chat room, but you sir just got it. The first fan of the show, that got the bin out.

It's more on me. So anyways, yeah, it's, he goes rapid in paper and then let go. So I'm like, you want me to pee while I'm driving? I'm not pissing. He goes, you won't pee. I go, I don't trust you. He's like,

with anything, never mind, dick advice. I'm not, like I'm gonna take that advice and then I'll piss in my car all over myself and who'd be like oh shoot I thought that would work it worked for me me and big J why you sound like I don't know I'm not good at I'm gonna get it impressions DMX I sound like me get it me me hmm I have a lot of pressure. I have a lot of anxiety lately. My thoughts. Oh, you know what? I'll tell you why, because we're about to shoot the show.

You know, and I can't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it.

I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it? I'll tell you why. Because we were about to shoot the show. You know? And I can't believe it. I don't believe it.

I don't, my everything, everything about me is, you know, I'm on a show. For the first time in my career, in my own, a legitimate show, I mean, it's picked up. It's, I'm not just on it. What show? I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get to that. I'm gonna fill you in. Okay. So just calm down, calm down, calm down. People that we haven't heard about the show, they like, they want to, I'm sorry, there's other people. What do you mean? You mean, oh, my fans don't know about the show I've been talking about for fucking a year and a half So anyways, I it's it's like you know, I went for the fitting today I went over to the set. I saw the fucking set, you know, the studio and it's it's like, you know We're gonna be shooting for three months and it just, it's like kind of like what the,

I mean, you know, everybody on this thing from Elaine to Liz to, you know, Johnny Eels and John Corber and Dennis and, you know, the people involved, you know, Serbacoda. It's just like, wow, this is, I can't fucking believe it. And there's, you know, all these scripts and all the stuff and, you know, all this, it's just like wow, this is really I can't fucking believe it and there's you know all these scripts and all the stuff and you know all this It's just like oh my god awesome, and then I'm doing comics come home Which I'm I have a lot of anxiety about you know, I did that last year and

It's that boss the Boston Garden the line up's fucking stupid. It's you know, it's it's Jimmy found look up the lineup for Boston comics come home It's, you know, it's Jimmy Fowl. Look up the lineup for Boston Comics, come home. It's fucking, Fowl's on it, Burr's on it. Uh, just the fucking lineup's ridiculous. We'll read it in a second. But, you know, I got added, you know, to the last second. And I'm like, I made it out last year by the skin of my teeth. I had to follow Morgan. I had to go blast.

Oh wow. After Fowl and after Goldman, after fucking Tracy Morgan, after Malaney, they put me up at the end. And I'm like, I'm the least known motherfucker here. Like, you know, but I went up and I pulled it out, but I almost, it was almost like, you know, there was a couple minutes of fucking, oh shit, oh shit shit.

And then there was one point, I got him and I was like, I fuck I go now Where we got it? I literally said that on stage. I go now I got you But I was like fuck I'm gonna bomb in my hometown for a benefit Like this is not good You know and who's on it deep deep Some of the names are Bill Burl Lenny Clark Jimmy found drag Ferguson Jim Gaffek and Mark Marin Oh, more damn old and from Bostonekin, Mark Marin, more.

Damn. Old and from Boston? No. What's the date? Why is it comments come home from... I think those guys are old. No, that's out of the window now. That was comics come home back in the day.

This is now, it's comics come home, two balls. Two guys in the show, they're from Boston. They go to Boston, they have a lot of guys. Lenny Clark, me, Burr, there's a lot of guys. Oh, they got old guys. There's a lot of guys from... Founds from Boston? I don't know, we just saying that now. I don't know, I don't know. Ir, there's a lot of guys. Oh, we got, oh, we got, oh, we got, there's a lot of guys from, Founders from Boston? I don't know, we just saying that now.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I didn't think you were gonna call me on a e-fine. Oh, okay. Like, he's a yaggy fan, for me. But, so, you know, it's, it's like, wow, that's a lot of like, that's a big line up to go on, man. And it's at the Boston Garden this year. Usually, it's at the other place, 6,000 people.

This is 10,000 people. Where's the date? I don't know, but that doesn't, what the fuck is? No, what, though? What, Bubba? Whoever the booker is of this show, I really... Stop, I love you already. Whatever, whatever you're gonna say.

Go ahead, I love you're a fucking French manicure. Do you give massages? No, I feel like I would stab the person on massaging. I can't. Okay. Anyway. I just lost point. I'm trying to say something nice.

Okay, baby, go ahead. The book are obviously views you equally as Important as the other people that they booked for the show. Obviously, they think you're awesome. It's my management. That book that books you yeah, that books that show you. Okay, if it was a shitty Person with great management. They probably couldn't get themselves on the show. Um, yeah, compliment. No, you're right. No, I am. I am fucking on it. Thank you to all. Thank you. Listen, I'm honored. I'm fucking honored about all this. You understand? It's amazing. It's just fucking overwhelming for my self-esteem. I don't think, you know what I mean? It's not that I don't, I deserve it. I want it, but it's overwhelming. It's it's it's fucking crazy shit, man Because your fear failure is overwhelming your excitement to be a part of it. Yeah, but that's what can you be the spiritual advisor?

I don't know. I just wanted to be an advisor Anything on the podcast she can do anything she wants we're doing the show from fucking whenever Shannon's available Depot beat it from fucking whenever Shannon's available. Depot beat it. No. Stop the head. So wait. I'm kidding.

You know you're going to be great in the TV show. You know you're great for that. You know you're going to be great in comments. So what are you worried about? You're not worried about bombing on their shows. You're just something else. I don't know. I'm having fantasies.

When I got out of rehab, I wasn't in rehab for a year and probably a year and a half. OK, I was in jail for a few months and then I have a two, two and a half months and then I went to rehab straight for a year. And it was an all-male rehab. You cannot leave, you are there. You get like a weekend day pass once or twice towards the end. But I was in one place for a whole over a year recovering from drugs and alcohol with the same people. And I went from the new guy to the middle guy to one of the residents who, when the new

guy came in, would interview the new guy. You know what I mean? And I remember sitting there like, okay, so why do you want to be here? To the guy, the new kid, and him him telling me and I remember me sitting in that chair And I had to leave and I remember they had the ceremony and I got the shirt It said the road back, which was the name of the place and Through this process whole year the guy who started it who was one of my Angels one of the beautiful people in my life that changed me forever

Tom Tompkins who started the road back and died while I was there, which was devastating to me. Because I never had a father figure. I never had somebody. I finally found somebody who was cool. He smoked. He used to call me content. Because I just love pussy so much. It's all just think about pussy. I just want to fucking. You've had content come in here. You're such a great guy, but one of the most angelic, angel-giving human beings I've ever met. He died while I was in there.

It was like, again. You know what I mean? Again, a fucking gun. And when I got out of there, I remember I was sober over a year, and I'm sitting there, I'm going back to my mom's house. I'm like, I can't see past this.

I'm gonna die. I remember I was going to a meeting, and I'm like, I could always see down the road. I could't see past this. I'm gonna die. I remember I was going to a meeting and I'm like, I could always see down the road. I could always see. I'm like, I can't see any further. This is it. It's over. I'm gonna get killed.

And this is the end of my life. Cause I don't know what, it's black. It's, you know what I mean? I'm like, it's amazing. I'm sober. My life is awesome. But I don't know what to fuck. I can't, it must just be ending.

And that's the way I feel now. Like this is so amazing. This is so awesome. I'm gonna get to work with these amazing people. And I'm gonna make some money, and I get to stay in New York, and I get to see my kid and my wife, and I get to do comedy,

and I'm like, it's just, like every day I'm like, am I gonna die? Like it's something, I can't see myself getting this. Because every time in my life something would happen good, it would be fucking ripped away from me. And someone else would just skyrocket or something else would just, but, you know, like in life I've learned, and this is weird,

that, you know, my happiness doesn't lie with what I do. Like, I was happy today just to get home and hang out my kid and my wife on the front lawn, as he just went back from her to me, her to me, her to me, Giggling, and we were just Giggling. And he picked up a stick and we took a walk, and I was like, this is the best thing I've ever done in my life. I've fucked chicks. I've had three sums. I've been in Vegas. I fucking did drugs. I fucking drank I fucking I've fucking I've done amazing shit Hold and this is the bad. This is probably right up there with one of the fucking best things I've ever done You got to be there. I know

You you meditate right you meditate. I was. And I stopped. So part of I don't know if you probably don't follow like Buddhist religion or anything like that. But one of the things that I like, you call me a fucking Buddha. What is this a Facho? I wish I would. Is this a long Facho? No, no. So that one of the things that I do agree with with the Buddhist religion is that obviously nothing lasts forever. I mean as awesome as in the even life doesn't last forever, awesome relationships don't last forever. So the only thing that you can do is enjoy it while it's lasting. So if you're anxiety of losing these D.P. was, I'm baby, pause. Baby, one second, all right?

Boo, boo, boo, boo, baby. One second. Disgot, I didn't know you could do that, D.P. What are you doing? I was kind of zooming in on Shannon while she was talking. Oh, shit, it was good, dramatic. She used to do the cinematography over here. This motherfucker just zoomed in on you and I was like, what are you doing?

And he would zoomed out, like to go bitch this. And I went, oh, all right, zoom back in on Shannon. But you were going, I'll talk. I'll talk. I'll talk. Long walk. I'm not happy to die back then, you see. That's right, baby.

Good. Long story short. Yes. What's ruining your enjoyment of these things is your fear of them being taken away from you. Yes. Everything's going to be taken away at your enjoyment of these things is your fear of them being taken away from you. Yes. Everything's going to be taken away at some point.

So, if you can focus on... Yes, even you. Yeah. Okay, guys. So, if you can focus on... Can we kiss? I'm sorry. Go ahead.

That came out. I know. That wasn't supposed to go about. No, go ahead. If you can focus on being present in the moment and... I just want to kiss your bottom lip. Just the bottom. That's not even like kissing. Yo, man, can you help me? I'm sorry. Go ahead. I'm living in the moment right now. He's thinking in the moment. I just want to kiss your bottom lip. Just the bottom. That's not even like kissing. Yo, man, can you help me?

I'm sorry. Go ahead. I'm living in the moment right now. He's thinking in the moment. I'm sorry. No, I'm not listening to you. I'm listening to you. That's it.

Yes. I'm sure you already know what I'm sure your therapist tells you it. Right? Now that you have a kid, it doesn't change your perspective from back in the day when you would worry about the blackness. Hey.

Whoa. What? You're from just a, I mean, that's why you're in the back line. We were worried about Bobby. Look, here's the thing. Hey, whoa You're from just I mean Word about Bobby Look here's the thing is that I've been on edge I I'm trying to like even tonight coming in and he fucking You know Him with this fucking shit

You know like I just to me. I just wanted it to be I just want this show to run. I have way too many people helping So set the sun in your life. No, no, no, he's not I don't know scope. Oh is a fucking is a Scopus of one of the good people in my life, okay? He's a he's a good person. Absolutely. Excuse me. Who did that? Why would you do that Shannon? I don't know the beer. Okay. Why you look at me and shit? Look dead at me You just accused a black person

We don't want the Haitian person Let's like I feel like scuffle looking me as if you really thought I did that did you you looked in this direction You're gonna be able to look at me as if you really thought I did that. Did you? You looked in this direction. That wasn't me. No, that's disgusting. Here's what I'm learning in life. Here's what I'm learning in life. This is the lesson I'm learning. Is that nobody does what they say they're gonna do.

It's just not gonna happen. You cannot even an own a. How much do they bitch about people fucking up? I mean it happens all the time, just a month, every day at least. Every day, somebody fucking doesn't do what they're supposed to do. And what do they do? Figure out a way to fix it.

No, what an open gym, dude. Oh, they'll bitch. They'll be like, what the fuck, right? But they turn into a tree. How it's turned? Same shit. I'm sitting there going, I'm sitting there going every day, I don't understand why I can't this shit just run, it's not that big of a production. I mean, there's a lot of stuff

But it's you know, it's pretty much set. We could just come in but every time it's gotta be it's just I I just gotta accept that That's the way it is. I just gotta accept that I'm gonna walk in here and the conversation we had is just gonna be forgotten and And he's gonna be you know and there you go. What what what what? You're going to be late. Why you why you what? You're late. Just say sorry.

All the people that do problems. What? That's what? Other people that do problems. Anyways, I think like Shannon said a thing a lot things come to and me being late is going to come to and how about that? That's good. I hope so because I really shut up. But you know, it's it's a I think that the anxiety. So when I

come in here and it's not this is what I can control. Yeah. This is mine. This is, I made this. Nobody can take this away from me. You can stop listening. People could not go, but I'll still have somebody listening. You know, there'll still be some people, I know Heather Graves will be fucking listening. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That makes sense. So things that you can control. I can control this. This is, this is mine. But I divvy out responsibility for people who say, I want it and then when they don't do it, the way I want it done, I'm like, fuck you.

Like, you're not gonna take this from me. Yeah, that makes sense. So it gets very, which is wrong, I'll admit it. I mean, it's wrong because it's, you know, it's, it's fucking wrong because here's a thing. I can't expect somebody to act the way I want them to act. The way I would act. It's just never going to happen because I don't fucking do it.

You know what I mean? I've had people fucking mad at me. There's certain things that I fucking do. But it's a hard pill to fucking learn. Hard to find the help. Especially when you're, you know, I have the, it's a hard pill to fucking learn Especially when you're you know, I have the it's the what In because you fucking said some Oprah movie Tyler Perry and fine it's hard to find good help

Produced by Oprah Winfrey. What was that? But I it's it's for all the people that do not know about the show. Can you please? I'm going to us about your show. Everybody knows about the show. Okay. It's a show that Dennis Larry. He wrote it.

He's producing it. He's directing mostly episodes, him with another great director, Michael, and it's about, we start filming next week. It was awesome today, I went into the, I'm going to finish because you'll yell at me. And we're a rock band that you, we're almost somebody called the heathens, and we're on the verge of making it and it all fell apart, and the band broke up because of sex drugs and rock a roll.

Okay? Cut to 20 something years later, somebody steps back into his life just before he's about to fucking lose it and really go under and brings the band back together. And we all come back together and we live under one roof to make somebody very famous. And it's just that. Okay, so it's awesome. It's funny. It's typical, you know, apostle Leary, awesome, funny and Elizabeth Gillies. It's just the cast is fucking crazy. And I'm in that for the from in it and he's awesome And he's you know those guys are great and they put me in it and it's it's unbelievable to me

I feel like I said I can't I can't believe it like I'm like I can't believe I'm on this fucking thing I get to play drums, which has been a dream of mine my life You could play drums. Are you still working with Billy? What's this in Billy who the drummer? It's not a Scottish guy absolutely You could play drum twice the world my first I learned the last year. What's his name? Billy who? The drummer. It's not a Scottish kid. Absolutely. He could play drums. Why so weird? That's not my first time. I learned the last year. I learned how to play drums. Wow. Yeah, I learned, I mean, I didn't have to because it's a TV show. I can just fake it. You know what I mean? But I learned how to play the songs and I can play some other songs.

And I can, I'm not a drummer. I will not fucking, I'm not gonna claim that, but I can play the drums. I have to fucking, Lully. Well, he said, are you still working with Billy? You said Billy who? Well, I, because no, there's a couple of people that I know Billy, that drum. You know what I mean? But Billy, yes, absolutely, Billy. He's in, uh, break the butterfly, which is an amazing Scottish band, if you want to check them out on iTunes.

Unbelievable. He fucking, awesome man, but he helps me on Skype. Two or three times a week, we do an hour or two, and we break down the songs and drumming and all that shit. I've been doing that for a little while, but, you know, so here I am on the show with these amazing people and amazing, and we're shooting it in next week. It's crazy.

Congratulations, man, that's a big deal. It's bigger than I thought, to be honest with you. Like, they call me, oh, we're gonna do a photo shoot. I'm like, I've met, whoa, that's like big deal. It's bigger than I thought to be honest with you. Like they call me, oh, we're gonna do a photo shoot. I'm like, I've never, whoa, that's like crazy shit. That's awesome. I've always wanted to fucking do that. You see these people doing those for the TV shows? Yeah.

It's like, I've been, I've been in TV shows. I've been a guest star. I've been a, you know, top of show guy where I come in, but I've always been in a cop uniform. I've always, pretty much some type of dumb hat or a fucking henley, you know, those three button fucking sweaters or a cop uniform. I went to the fitting today, man. I fucking got, dude, bracelets and necklaces and fucking awesome jeans and

fucking roll shirts and fucking leathers and I'm a fucking I'm a dumpy dude. You got to get a tattoo for the character? Yeah they had to put this on today. Are you serious? Yeah they had to put this on. Wait a fish. It's a cove. It's a fucking...

First of all, these are my tattoos you asked all. If we start trashing my real tattoos. You guys not know each other? Yeah, it's a cove fish. I never seen a... What would you get a fish on your face? I'm on your arm. Listen, listen, we need to take a break.

I can't even fucking. My head's gonna pop the fuck off. I need to take a break. I can't even fucking, my head's gonna pop the fuck off. I need to take a break. We're gonna take a pee, a five minute break, not a falafel fucking break. Not a fucking seafood fucking one-sup break. You attacked me one, one time. Will, will, break. We're gonna break.

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Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Mi wife sentía mi texto, me he de ensowir. ¿Y eso? ¿Y eso? ¿Y eso? ¿Y eso? ¿Y eso? ¿Y eso? ¿Y eso? ¿Y eso? ¿Y eso? ¿Y eso? ¿Y eso? ¿Y eso? text I'm showering. So, just fuck. Okay. Mrs. Ybabi, she just wants it to be home. Is that my wife's voice? Or is that my wife's friend voice? And the super-Gianna said.

And the beginning of, in the beginning of my first or a day, that was, that was turning on. No, it didn't. For real? I dumped my wife a month in for this hot-o-chick. She was 18. Check you, she's, she's, she's, she's, what a God. Me and, I love my wife, look.

I love my wife. I would never, it's what a God. Me and I love my wife, look, I love my wife. I would never, I joke with you Shannon. Oh, I don't know what I'm gonna say after that. I would fuck you in a second. I wouldn't even have sex with you though. I would not do that, Shannon. I would just swipe you a couple times. Like a lizard.

Swipe like the spectacled. I can't turn. Little slip. Swipes like the Scythacroth. A little slap. Swipes. Number Scarface. Tony, they love. Remember that? And the girl slapped him in the face. Neal, I get it. No, I wouldn't. I love my wife. But yeah, when we met, I was into it for a second. We hugged out and then I met some other chair. I didn't know she was the woman of my dreams until fucking, you know, I don't know, eight years ago. I started, eight years ago I started falling in love

with my wife. I liked my wife a lot for the first 10 years. I thought she was cool as shit. And then when I finally got my shit together, I started, you know, oh my God, I really, what was the thing? Was there a thing that made you go you know what yeah um I just I stopped being a piece of shit I tried you know I stopped you know I'm

trying to just get my dick wet I stopped using sex as a drug and I moved food plus you start realizing what's important to you from people from these these women. I gave, no, you know what I did is I gave, I gave the relationship with her shot, a real shot. I decided to work on my defects of character, which was girls or sex or whatever the fuck it was, was something that made me feel good about myself. When I felt shitty, I would just, you know, have somebody or something make me feel better. How bad were you? Most terrible.

All the time. You know, I was hot, I was young, I had hair, I did comedy, I fucking- I'm a girl's smash in your lifetime. Oh, fucking hundreds. Are you serious? Yeah, hundreds. What, up a 500?

No, I don't know about I mean 100 sexual contact or just bang bang just straight out bang wait well well where you hold on what wouldn't be sexual contact in bang bang in a sense it's getting blue like a blow job the account is yeah you can fit oh oh I see no bang I finger popped a lot of checks and I'm suck no bang in I think finger pop in his fucking I don't think I can't say number at all. I don't count.

I think I fucked the girl. This is weak. That counts man. That counts. Would you kind of hand job? Yes, it's a sexual experience. Thank you. So are you doing that yourself?

Hang on, let me say this. If you have a sexual experience with a woman, whether it's kissing, finger popping, kissing is sexual. Are you? But if I ask you, how many girls you're gonna be? I'm gonna ask a girl right now, is kissing sexual? It can be.

Would you rather blow a guy or kiss a guy? It depends on the guy. Oh, what about, you know what it is? That's not a weird comment. I just wanted to hear her say something about blowing somebody. I'm sorry. I feel the same way.

How about you rather blow a guy or kiss a guy? There's some girls out there kissing girls out there kissing girls out there. You know, I'll go down on some good. I won't go down by kissing like for hours. Yeah, everyone. Yeah. What you go down on every now. But it's not sexual. I'm not sexual. It's not sexual.

You got to be selective with who you go. No, I've eaten some position. I shouldn't even look at. Yeah, it's so stop. What are you I've never used to do it? You do it. I do it. Well, you don't have it's not a thing There's not like a fucking you don't have to like nobody's nobody's gonna yell at you if you say hey her pussy's purple I don't want to live it pussy smells like a pregnant woman. Yeah I'm confused why would you make out with a woman for two hours and not one aere pussy?

I must be a true No, I've made out with girls and look I've made out with girls for not two hours But a long time and it was really sexual. I mean, oh my god I mean, I hear my pussy you'd like you love she was no she said here's my pussy and I do I've gone down I'm telling you I got down a girl once. Me and my friend were fucking about the, we had a tear this summer. We had a truth of dare of scam. We used to pull like a fucking pyramid scheme. And we used to, we fuck like nine chicks together. We had a chick, we had a chick refer us to another chick. And that chick just emailed me on Facebook. Hey, remember you guys pulled the, she said, remember you pulled the train on me. Oh my god. I was like, yeah, I remember we fucked

there pull the train on the girl. Oh, we're all special limitations. Yeah, what is it? What do you mean when two guys pull train on the girl? What is that right? That's a train. That's a train. That's not right. I'll be the other answer train. It's right. It could be interpreted different. We were we were in we were referred by this check. So there's one chick called a friend and said, these guys fuck good, we had a reference, we had a reference, we had to go over and meet her, she had like a party and we went over like, hey, we're Alan Bob and she was like, oh, welcome guys, she showed us around.

She goes, okay, so I like you, wanna come back Wednesday at nine, we were like, okay. We made an appointment. We made an appointment to fuck this chick. That's you and your friend. Me and my friend out, we came back, we, she had a draw full of condoms, we, she sucked and fucked and,

I remember that's another slap my own ass. I got way into it and I slapped my ass and they both turned to it. Did you just slap your ass? Because they heard the slap, but she didn't feel it. And then, I remember, we both choose to come in my face, so I came like a regular human being.

You got the condom on? And it just, no, he came in her face. I can't do it through a condom. No, I took the condom off when I was coming out. She wanted me to come, so I took it off and I came on her face like regular, come. My friend. What are the kind of condom you're saying? Well, you know,

This is a piss con that's on his phone. Well, it's shh. It's shh. No, it's shot out, but like it was in different places on her face. My friend came and just filled her eyes off it. Like, like a lake. It was like, I remember her eye,

it looked like she had a fucking pearl eye patch on. And I remember she went, ew, and she had to like lean over and like scoop it out of her eye. But she's got no same spot long enough to fill up her eyes, okay? Well, we were both coming. We were both jerking out of her eye. But she's got no same spot long enough to fill up her eyes, okay? Well, we were both coming. We were both jerking off in her face.

And we, oh, you guys mixed together. You guys touched each other's neck. Now, I didn't say that you're fucking Haitian. Did you do the Chris and Robbie? Robbie, did you do the group? No, no, we didn't do that. No, the Indian power captain of planet. No, no, no.

She was like coming with it. So I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and he was like, yeah, and then I came regular, like on a little lip, some in the nose and a little some in the hair. He just, like it was just bloop, like it came out, and filled her, I remember she had her eye was red. She couldn't, she like winked at it. She looked like a fucking pirate.

Then she went downstairs and made us chilly. What's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, a fucking pirate. Then she went downstairs and made us chilly. Would you want that? With one ice? With one comb? No, she cleaned it, but I was still a little red from his comb. Did she wipe it off? Or did she go wash it off? Yeah, she washed it off. Oh, she wiped it off. This is a segue, but how much do you love your wife? Shilly. What'd you say?

This is a segue about how much do you love your wife? So my wife. So the point is as soon as I decided to have a relationship with an honest relationship with another human being, as honest as I could be and try, just try. I started giving a shit about my wife over, you know, time. And now, you know, I really, I really fucking love my wife, you know, but, you know, sexually, it's, you know, it's still with marriage. Like, you talked about like, it's hard right now, dude.

You're fucking rocks off. You got to love your married. You got the commitments, like you can't do. Well, I got, I got the kid now, which is a fucking, you know, I mean she goes to my wife's up at seven And she goes to bed at nine. I'm here with you assholes. I go home. She's in bed So it's like what's the hot? What's the hot part? It's hard because it's we got to get back on to We have can you guys not all look at her ass at once?

So to ask at once. Yes, you, man. Come on, man. So, what? You know the guy called me and come on, man. What the fuck was wrong with you? There's no guy code on the podcast, okay? There's funny code, that's all there is, okay? I got to chuck a lot of that, so go fuck yourself. If you guys didn't laugh and go fuck you, then that would've been like, I'm sorry. I don't know, I mean.

What's the hard part about marriage? The hard part about marriage is that you question, you know, like, did I give up somewhere? Could I be, you know, banging broads? Could I, is that the right way to just go around and monogamy a lie, is marriage a lie? Am I just being cattle? You question yourself a lot.

I got to get afraid now that you're getting kind of famous again that some chick might throw itself on your desk. First of all, I'm not, I don't think I'm getting, I don't, I don't see that you're getting kind of famous again that some chick might throw itself on your desk. First of all, I'm not, I don't think I'm getting, I don't, I don't see that's the thing. It's like, this fame, I don't know how to understand what that is. I'm, you know, I don't, I don't, it's a weird thing, man. Like, I'm not, I think, guys that are famous are Chris Rock. That's famous to me.

I think, you know, Louis CK is famous. Kevin Hart is famous. That's fame. You know, that's what people see in the business. You know what I mean? I'm going to show it's great. It's awesome. You know what I mean? I got a special coming out. You know what could happen, right? Could that show, could enhance everything else you're doing? Even though you say you can't control that. I don't know. Control this. Yeah. That show could make, could blow this up. It could blow your stand-up pop everything else you're doing How many shows have you know made people's careers one show? Yeah, look at that was wasn't that famous? Yeah, but there's a lot of shows

No, we wasn't I'm saying your show could be You show huge. I know, but I don't I don't like to even think like that or you could fuck it up But don't think about that how many how many shows when you got that Well, you right. How many shows have you done how many TV shows? Yeah, that you're fuck it up, but don't think about that. How many shows, when you got that, right, how many shows have you done? How many TV shows? Yeah, that you were gonna be famous on. That you possibly could change your life.

Oh, Jesus Christ. A lot. Not like this, not like your opportunity, no. This is a bigger deal than I've ever. All right, so I'm gonna be famous, so I don't want to talk to you guys anymore. I don't know what to tell you. Why question for you though, it's like,

what is it Brandon? You grew up with a fucked up childhood, right? Yes, I did. So I don't want to talk to you guys anymore. I don't know what to tell you. My question for you though, is like, what is it Brandon? You grew up with the fucked up childhood, right? Yes I did. You had a fucked up broken family and everything. How do you think that you're gonna be able to maintain that? I am a fuck. I'm, I was worried about that one day.

Day by day, I think day by day. I am an amazing dad. I will fucking, I'll tell you this right now. There's one thing I'm fucking, I know. I won't sit here and say I'm the fucking great one of the greats Comics I'm a fucking oh my god. I don't know what the fuck that's for you people to judge my job is to try To get better at comedy my job is to write a new joke to try to be original to try to be honest my job is to try to You know do it the best job I can on the show That's my job to try to put the best podcast together every week.

That's my job. But as a father, I'll fucking tell you right now, I am fucking awesome. You know, I'm fucking great. So my kid's life is going to be changed. He's going to have a way better life than me because me and my wife are connected as human beings, right? I give a shit about my wife, she gives a shit about me, she cares about herself, I care about myself, we try to better ourselves and, you know, and that therefore he benefits from that. We have dinner, we put the cell phones away, we go for walks, you understand? Like I learned, I learned, I never had a dad, I am the dad, okay?

So now I get to be the dad, I've always wanted. You know, I also have a strong foundation, like you've known each other so long that. Long fucking time, we're compatible. Relationships are based on compatibility, okay? And love is based on fucking relationships, is basically, okay? And love is based on fucking relationships, is basically, okay? So, you know, if you sit there and go love,

what is love? I don't fucking know, but I know that I can hang out my wife for more than fucking three hours and not want to punch her in the neck. I can't say that for most of the women I've dated. Most of the women I've dated, a couple hours in, I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? Yes, she has a massive awesome pussy. Yes, she gives the Yes, she has the best head, but she fucking drones me

We're not connected. I can say my wife for fucking hours and days and months and love being with her Do we fight fucking yes? But we make up we try to do the best we can you know what I mean? And you know look it's I don't know I think it's being a good dad never goes What like my like my parents came to see me for two and a half hours away? They were so happy They came to every day It was that means they don't hit they love me what less of a Sand I is not a big a sea performing could see you perform the act on the basement.

Well, I do that. What are you thinking? Do every night? I do seven shows a night. I didn't say that part. You do nothing to the wrong. I don't believe it. Jesus Christ. I mean, I think that here's the problem, though, that I get nervous with is that I'm trying to overcome.

Is that people like, you know, like on this thing, like this is my baby and I get disappointed like when fucking, you know, certain people fucking up or trying to say, you know, fuck with it or whatever. I get fucking weirded out, man. I do, I get very protective. You know, that's why I fucking yell at this asshole.

Cause like you just say me, you don't say certain people. No, I just certain people, man, I'm like, man, it's weird. You know, people fucking show up late to leave early. That's been buggin' me to be honest with you. Because nothing else in your control, the TV shows that you're control, but this is. Yeah, who's on it? You know, I, and this whole show is, the only thing I offer you guys is people liking you. So people who like me will like you, hopefully, that's all I can offer you.

It, it may be even more. About who you're going right now. You know what I mean? What's that? About who you're going right now. A lot of people love you, dude, from this show. Yeah, everyone loves you, yeah. Everybody loves you. Going to the chat room right now, everybody who loves will speak up.

You're one of my favorite guests. Well Nobody asked you I'm fucking put a mic off a Sunday or one of the guys. What happened to you talking more than scobos ever talked ever And you're more interesting. No, I'm kidding. You're good. You know nothing Where when you know all of us had had had like things in career that comes and then and then it's been taken away I got somebody wrote nobody cares take your jacket off. I don't have a jacket on you fucking come talk about Shannon. Oh That's when you would tell her not it's not a jacket pop a yeary Brooks Give it to the AC go to the AC the fact that you wore that really makes me angry by the way. The AC. Shoulder. Listen, listen to pervert relax. I'm kidding you're serious.

A lot of times you're wearing a turtle neck. This is at least like a tank top. Yeah, but I don't like that we don't get any cleavage. Do you stop it, Dupu? Dupu? Ah! He's zooming in just on a tent. Don't do that. That's, I don't want women. That's the fucking problem. Is it fucking every woman that lets this show? Thanks for a bunch of fucking, we are.

We close your eyes, Brandon. Is that we're not? I don't want you, I want you to feel comfortable here. I mean, I would love for you to. Well, topos would be fucking easier for us. If you got, you understand, if you took your top off, we'd be over it in like fucking three months. And then...

It wouldn't even matter. Like we wouldn't even think... These places would be filled with tears. I think about it, yeah. What? She walk out blind. Oh, wait. I'm sorry. I'm wearing my gun.

Back to my wife. I love my wife. I saw this. I'm where am I going? Back to my wife. I love my wife. I don't know. I mean, I mean, like, Scopo, how do you feel? Like, okay, me, I come in, I fucking give you shit about this. I fucking pissed off. And honestly, you have permission to speak freely. Okay? Permission to speak freely. Okay? Permission to speak freely. I've already got my card. I got my money. You don't need anything else for me. No. When I come in and I tell you, you fucked up like tonight and I'm pissing you and you keep, you know,

how do you feel about that? Tonight, well, yeah, I think it wasn't, I mean, yeah, it was partially my fault. I didn't tell well to be here 10 minutes early, but it was still 8.50 It wasn't like he was you know is 9.10 and I was like I tried everything I'd got it said everything else up I'll say everything's good to go and And I guess I get this that fuck all right. I'll just deal with it But we had the talk though so like we were supposed to make sure. Hold on, it's not about you, it's about how he feels. No, but I wanna make sure that he has that,

he's not bringing up that point. Yeah, you're not saying how you feel, you're just saying excuses. Yeah, how do you feel about how Bobby be attacking you, man? Just tell this, just, okay, yeah, say good. What'd you call me? Nothing.

No, it was whatever, it's like I'm over it now, I don't.. I want to know you feel don't repress your feelings I was like alright, whatever I fuck what racial star coming your head Way he talks you like Well she guys cover you can talk freely go ahead. No, I was like alright a zoom in on Alright, I fucking I guess I fucked up again. Did it make you mad at Bobby or black people No, I don't know I was just like I fucking out just I was like another one. I was like another fucking He's holding back man. He's holding back. Yeah, you hold them back dude. Okay, get it out of them well

Nope man Actually let Bill do it cuz Bill's white. I think I'm scared to bill. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. What comes when freaking Bobby you yell that you what you were doing here at all. Stop acting like you were here. I'm here every time when you yell. If you run fucking time nobody get yelled at you You want to find something else to yell at them? It's like a sitcom, everything Everything with the same old thing happens

You will find something new for this episode I definitely agree with that I'll get yelled at person No matter what I Concerned a little competition together I come in and I'm gonna yell at them I'm gonna yell at person And I'm just like I just deal with it now okay now let's deal with this now do I do I do I yell at you I'm gonna ask you Adrian yeah I

permission to speak freely I don't want them I don't want them to think that they have to not you know I'm I mean? I don't speak honestly, man. All right, relax on that, all right, when you're told, all right? I get it, all right. You will speak freely, because I gave you the permission. No, I'm joking. So, you,

does he fuck up a lot? Look at me. Look at me. I know you, this is not the question. You was gonna ask him how does he feel about you yelling that no I never Yeah, there's a yellow Adrian who knows me I don't yell at Adrian. You know why Adrian doesn't fuck up He doesn't fuck up Whatever he's told to do he does

Glad Adrian I'm asking you Let's go for fuck up. Yes. Look at me. Honestly, honestly. Don't be a fucking pussy. I mean, dead honest with you. Yes. I would say it's about 50-50 between you kind of flying over the handle for somewhere. It's like, oh, I didn't really do anything.

OK. But there are times when he fucks up. I would say it's honest half and half. You said that was the most important. What are you fucking? He's Sweden? Switzerland. It's the neutral.

There is Sweden. You shot up. You fucked up. That's a neutral country. There is Sweden. Shout out, I got you. You fuck that. That's neverland you. You fucking dummy. It's called dumb. You're dumb. They spit the bill.

It's called Dutch asshole. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I might, wait a minute. My head is going to pop off my phone. I think Shannon's boo pop dot on that one. What the fuck is that? I'm gonna fucking leave.

I never want you on the show again. Please go into the chat room and find out what people say. It's Dutch days with the Bill and Aftel. Please, it's Dutch. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about it in the war. With, uh, fuck. It's Switzerland, right? Yes. I'm talking about in the war. Which, fuck. It's Switzerland, right?

Yes. I'm very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,, the fuck he said, the first of the said, but you go up flying on the cup, that's the one he really means. The other one was the first to do, there's a lot of times right? Hang on, hang on, that 50 was the soul thing that was you. You're fucking, you, the fridge roll, I know, I know personality and behavior, behavior. Listen, behavior, behavior. What is behavior?

I just said that. He made it smell of words. I don't know what you said, but you're leading the witness. You're leading the fucking witness. Oh my God. Go ahead. I'm writing that down for you. Yeah, go ahead.

I don't even know what he said, but go ahead. Yes. There are a lot of times where I'm asking you the question. Give the percentage. All right. Are you texting him? No, I'm writing down the name of the show. All right, are you texting him? No, I'm writing down the name of the show. Cause I know you, I'm doing my job.

I'm doing my job right now and you're getting mad at me protecting him and I'm doing my job. Cause I know you two fucking queens probably love each other and have coffee, fucking Bobby. You both have the same fucking jerseys. What are they talking about right here? All right, I'm sorry, go ahead, you're right, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

I wanna proceed. All right, You're right. Go ahead I want to proceed does all right scope will probably make fucks up a more than you are over the top but when there are times where he fucks up You kind of take it to the next level where it's like all right Chess that's him and then kind of move on so you're saying that I will say hang on you Let me fucking back you down a little. I'm trying to get the information out of you And you keep fucking you cheap negotiating so scope but I'm trying to get the information out of you and you keep fucking, you're cheap negotiating so Scopo doesn't get mad at you. Okay, listen, listen, so Scopo fucks up more

than I fly off the handle. You said that. Yes, but, oh my god. No, no butts. I'm trying to get an answer out of you. Yes. And you keep trying to fucking add extra shit. So he fucks up a lot.

No, you're fucking, hey, say 55. he fucks up a lot. No you're fucking, I ain't saying a lot. I ain't saying a lot. I'd say he fucks up more than, it's 50, 50 is probably not a guy. I'd say 65. 70. 70. You keep him on the show. How much 70?

You keep him on the show. He fucks up 70%. But that's true. Every single time you get mad at him. Yeah, oh the majority of the time Yeah, it goes to the next level where it could have just been easily like if there was a calm So you be me you be me. I'll be scuffle all right dude Are you fucking kidding me? No look at me look at me. Look at me. Are you fucking kidding me? I yeah, but you how many fucking times So I said 17 I did do it like 17 times you told me 17 times

Keep going Because nobody's gonna have to fucking interpret it all right grab me me but talk slow Scumple what What not to touch this part of the table? Why did he put your finger on this part of the table scuffle? Touch the table I don't I know I know Another table's embarrassed Skopo I told you we got the week don't touch that scope. I said nicey scope. Don't what I say Well, I tell why say scope

You said don't touch the table exactly what did you do I touch the table Why because I I don't know I don't I live in my parents. I don't know I don't know I don't have common sense because I don't need I live in my parents. I don't know. I don't know, I don't have common sense, because I don't need it where I live. There's food in the fridge and there's heat that comes out of a thing. And I just drive into the city and I tell jokes and I go home and mommy has food waiting. I don't need common sense,

because my parents have it for me! It's pretty spot on. Yes, go ahead. For example, today with the cameras. Yes, Chris Everything our whole pre-show routine of checkering the up. Yeah, Chris did everything today perfect Did you put people in the first of all mistake? Did you put did you put people in the chairs? What do you mean? Yeah, we played out who was gonna sit where you planned it out? Yes, so when people came in And it wasn't who got up to move and check make sure the cameras were on

Who said oh my god? We did all this but it changed and now we'll sitting over here We didn't do that camera so we need to get that fixed right now No, but I think we'll sat down and then within maybe right after the intro song We'll send them but But that's common sense though. If your job is the cameras, if your job is to make sure the cameras are right, and then you make, okay, bang, it's happening, right? Oh my God, we'll send it over there.

We made sure you guys do it and forget it. You're not constantly going and you work in Fallen A, you better fucking learn this shit. Yeah, not enough. Because they're gonna go get the fuck out. Yeah. Right? So all of a sudden another guest comes in,

he's sitting over here, we made sure the cameras are over there. Fuck, dude, let me fix this camera, Bobby, can you? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But I'm, that's how I am. I mean, here I know that if anything goes wrong. You're really good. You're really good, you don't get yelled at

because you have common sense. No, I'm saying if anything goes wrong here, I know I'm not gonna get yelled at. You know that, it's my fault. Why, because Scop't get yelled at because you have common sense. No, I'm saying if anything goes wrong here, I know I'm not going to get yelled at. You know, that's my fault. Why? Because Scopo gets yelled at? Yeah. Why does he take the hit for you?

That's how the sitcom goes. Yeah. I was just kidding. Alright, well, today, honestly, it probably me and Deepa probably should have checked the cameras. Yeah. Because Chris has... There's three guys here.

Yeah, and Chris kind of runs the entire thing. And a possible. Chris does all the He does 90 95% of the work for the Chris let me tell you something Chris go Paul Chris is the shit Hands down has the common sense of a fucking dormat Literally, there's a chipmunk in front of my house that has more common sense than him. Literally, I put fucking mothballs in one of his holes, he just made another one.

Chris would just sit and go, hey, mothballs. And said, fuck him, make it another hole. He just lived with the mothballs. These mothballs are killing me. But he is, he is a fucking soldier. Yeah. But so here's the deal, I promise you that I told you that I I told you that I

I will try to work on and not for you but for my son. Yeah, you're in this is a training right now. I'm gonna try to not I'm gonna try to have more patience with you. Not gonna happen. And you... Not you. Are you a fucking Indian leprechaun? What? What the fuck is your... What are you doing? Just grow it or don't grow it.

So I'm gonna try to have more patience with you guys in here. But will you do me a favor? Can you do me a favor? Yeah. Can you make a checklist and just check it twice? Okay. I checked everything off tonight. Everything was working before I went downstairs. Did you fall well and you tell them they're supposed to be here on time? They have finished this thing, man. He's

saying something. They have finished. Fuck you, well, how's that? I'm not going to work on it for you. I'm going to tell you to go fuck yourself. All right. Sorry. What are you going to do when your son fucks up? Because he'll fuck up at some point. What do you mean? He's too young to fuck up now But he's gonna start being like scopo and fucking up. So what's gonna be the young scopo in the making? How awful that they feel? But I don't know I come back and bite you my son fucks up now, but I Think I don't know dude. I'm looking, I'm trying to fucking,

I was brought up with fucking a lot of shit. I was taught a lot of bad things, you know, and like stuff like this, that's mine, I fucking, I protect it and I shouldn't. I should allow it to be, I should allow it to go off center a little bit. I should allow it and I'm not good with that. And I apologize, I should allow it. And I'm not good with that. And I apologize.

I've apologized before. I, there's one thing about me. I will come clean. For sure, man. I think, I think I will call the other day. I think when I fuck up, I will admit it at least. So I'm not just a sociopath that treats you like shit and just waiting for me to fail and you to succeed. So you can just tell people what a fucking contact was. What are you fucking mumbling? Social path. You said social.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? You said social path. That's what I heard. What is it?

It's a social path. I said social. I was saying that that was going to slide. Will, will, will. It sounded right in your head you You like all right. He said it right Social Social social

So stop saying it all at once. I get it here it will shut the fuck Did he get it right? First On the show you've never said anything right that bad things right What name one that so seal? Didn't get it right you got it wrong that time Yeah, so CIO hang on say it say it socio. Socio. You keep saying socio. There's no L. Socio. Socio. Socio.

Socio. Socio path. Socio. Socio. Yay. Yeah, there we go. It's just socio. I want you so bad.

Yeah. Everybody wants you and an region. Oh, really big dick bill. Fuck you, Bill. I guarantee I've never seen you, Bill. I guarantee. I've never seen you this polite to a woman. You actually like her like her. We just want a banger.

You want a maker of fucking girl. Do you have a boyfriend? No. Good. Listen, I'm not a middle boyfriend. Three years ago. Wow. What was wrong with your vagina?

It's just mouth-picked. It's like pregnancy. No kids. It was a bad breakup. I'm not, I'm kind of over it for a little bit me too Shannon me too Hey, that's what he does You know, say what he does you look like the killer from screen, but That's too like

Session jealous. What do you mean? Oh, he was a time I understand aive. Possessive and jealous. What do you mean? Oh, he was a touch. I understand it, jealousy part. Hey, look at me. What do you mean? I was Italian. Look at me. Look at me.

What do you mean? The thing that ended the relationship was, I went on a business trip. And there was this guy coming on the business trip with me. But fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. What?

You're one of those. You're one of those jealous possessives. No, I let my wife fuck somebody. I don't care. I'm fucking done. So it's not like we were staying in the same place. I're one of those. You're one of those jealous possessives. No, I let my wife fuck somebody. I don't care. I'm fucking done. It's not like we were staying in the neighborhood. I'm tired by 11. No, I'm not one of those.

But what business trip? What business were you on? What business? My last job was for a background screening company. A background screening company. Yeah, so we're going to Colorado. Right. Me and somebody else.

What's his name? I don't want to say I know Okay, how old was he? Maybe like three or four years older than me. Okay, so he was 42. Okay, but the thing is my boy How old is that nice? I almost let it go. It's how old you I'm 32 jerk. Holy look The fuck is going on? It's so hot though, she said jerk. She's here on the head. Hey, it's hot.

Alright, go ahead. So, the thing is that my boyfriend at the time had no idea what the guy looked like. Didn't know his age and knew nothing about him at all. He didn't know his show. He knew it was a guy. He just knew it was a guy going in the middle of the trip. This is a damn good job. What the fuck do you mean he's Chinese?

Oh, okay, go ahead. So, we weren't staying in the same room together. Nothing. Just traveling together. I had my stuff packed room together, nothing, just traveling together. I had my stuff packed at his house because we practically lived together. And when I, before I went to go pick up my suitcase, he had cut up my business clothes. Because I had like shirts, there are like button-down shirts that are like body suits, so they don't come untucked. You have a body suit?

No, it just... Guys, guys! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to look at it like that. Let her fucking finish. You don't want to keep it going. No, it just guys Letter letter fucking finish I got a bullshit by the way I'm on what I call bullshit the fact that this guy cut up your business clothes for this trip He was a dick for years and you dealt with it all that time so don't make yourself like the Explaining why I'm not a victim like the blameless. I'm not explaining why. No, it does.

I'm not a victim. I'm not saying I'm a victim. I'm just explaining why the relationship is. Oh, it was so great, but then he cut up my guys. Guys, guys, guys, please, please, please, please, can we just get this? No, I want to hear you. I really do.

Hang on a second. What do you mean? What do you say? I feel like girls saying these shitty relationships were ever shitty reasons. And then. Don't generalize because you've dealt with it from the middle of my life.

I feel like you stay in shitty relationships and shitty rather than me. And then you go, oh, but then one time he did this, you probably let her horrible, contentious relationship where you fought and you all, you did shitty things for years to each other. OK, you see how you're projecting your past shit with girls on the phone.

No, I was. Listen. She said, forget about the book. Because I never said it was great that I owe the button. Look, you have a tattoo on your upper neck. Oh, I have a tattoo on my upper neck. Was I OK? It means that, listen, she's no spring chicken.

She doesn't innocent in this situation. Let's admit it. I never said I was not a real tattoo. Stop, stop, stop. It's not a real tattoo. You have a tattoo. They did it for the show. I'm on.

They just put it on. You have a tattoo? You're on a show. Where is it? What kind of show? Where's the one on your neck? There's one behind my ear. There's one on the back of my neck.

Went along my neck. How you seeing all this shit? What's the show that you're googled her before the show? I'm kidding. How did you know she had a tattoo on the back of her on her neck? I walked by and I saw it on the back of her neck. Yeah. It's a creepy thing.

That's a creepy thing. That's so creepy. That is the name. I've all the things. It's a creepy thing. Meanwhile, that's my matching tattoo with my little sister. Oh, that's cute. That tattoo.

First of all, second of all, again, you're getting defensive. So come on, no, no, no, no, no. I'm getting defensive because you're attacking me. I'm the Buddhist. No, because you're attacking me. And you say that all you girls always do this blah, blah. I never said that was a lot of it. It's all you guys love.

It's my turn now, right? I got it. Oh. I love how she talks about Buddhism. I love it. Oh, sure. Again, what I said before, you're picking and choosing things. What I said before is I don't agree with everything about the Buddhist religion except this.

That's what I said before. I never said this relationship was perfect. What don't you agree with? The Bob Buddhism. Oh, do you want to go through every single thing so we could turn it away from what I'm talking about? One thing you don't agree with, Bob Buddhism. I'm talking about one thing right now, not that. Can you guys say one thing you don't agree with? Can you guys have sex, or? Can you go with it?

Right, right. Guys, he's not my type. Go ahead. Oh, shit. Can you go and say one thing you don't agree with can you guys have sex or He's on my tight go ahead. Oh shit with me. So I never said things were perfect. I have a master's degree I never said things were perfect and this was the one You also have a belly Keep fucking take it sugars man. I can't help it. I got proud. That was the percentage. Shannick, go ahead.

I never said things were perfect and this was the one thing that went wrong. I said that this was the one thing that destroyed that broke the camel's back. That's what I said. Obviously, girls have been telling him for a long time or turning him down to the bad boy. Who's protecting now? I'm responding to you. You're projecting. What?

I'm responding. This is called responding. Obviously you. Oh, shut up. Oh, shit. What? Shut up. How is shut up?

I was talking to myself to say that. How was that a proper response saying shut up? I don't care. Wait a minute. Just a care a couple of minutes ago. Yeah, because you didn't say it was a straw. This is why we broke up. You didn't say it was a straw. The broke him. You didn't say it was a straw. This is why we broke up. You didn't say it was a straw.

The broke him like you didn't say it was a shitty relationship. And this one thing after all. We were all for doing this thing. This thing is actually in a single. She did say this is why the number one was the relationship apart. She did say she said it's still, but she did say this is what this is what ended the relationship and she wants to

one of us can take her out to the last. What kind of is the story that book came back? I agree. All the final agree all the Bobby I just saw him I just saw D. Poo or Dupu fucking just mixed fucking two shots in one shot and zoomed in It made Bill and Shannon being the same fucking shot. I picked the right one! I picked the right one, I picked the Indian Wizcan. I got a fucking sub-hunt. This intelligence, this intelligence, been out. I don't know what that means. What the- can you invent an app that translates, wills, speak?

I think that's impossible. Okay, great. Listen, here, this is what happened just now. We all know this. I didn't, that's impossible. Okay, great. Sorry, I got that. Listen, here, this is what happened just now. We all know this. I'm going to talk to the rest of the people in the room that are ugly like me. Okay? The two good-looking people just went at it, okay? The two, the hot chick and the fucking dude, due to fucks hot chicks and the hot chick just

went, fuck you, I'm not fucking you. And all the fat ugly fucking sc. Oh, you're in it Okay, you're in it. Yeah, you're in it. I'm sorry. I know you think you just didn't it dude I'm sorry you're with me you're with me Brandon Adrian and fucking me. Yeah From this country I'm becoming at me I try to follow no sugar little grins you didn't talk about how you can maintain it I tried for a week and a half the shit I had called my sugar and I started taking soda and I started eating pasta Mother fucker, you didn't go with deep detail in that episode about how to maintain it. So fuck you call me fat tell that episode about how to maintain it. So fuck you, call me fat.

I'm trying. I'm trying. That was awesome. You're fat? Well, he called me fat. I didn't say that. I did not say you. I didn't say you were fat.

I said you have a belly. But that's the same. That's the same. It's not the same. But listen, it's not I'm fat. You have a belly, which is the same thing. Yes, but it's different. It's different. and here's how

you maintain it you don't look at me okay all right the reason why the episode didn't go further is because fat boy was eating pizza while we're getting in Foxwoods fat boy did Chinese food by himself in a room naked with a towel on his lap as a napkin fat boy had gelato on the fucking sneak, okay? Fatboy had fucking fried clams and french fries, and then went over and got a fucking piece of pizza. Alright, went to his room. It's still a fucking hangin' up with these fucking young lads trying to get pussy all night and throwin' away their money. I was in my room eating until I fucking went to sleep, but I slipped on my side and woke up with throw up in my fucking mouth because I

ate too much and I am fucking answering ref and woke up and throw up in my fucking mouth because I ate too much And I am fucking answering reflex and I didn't take my pill so that's why the episode oh no sugar no rangs didn't happen you fuck Look at people went out and the two fat people in there who's next to interns? All right, listen, I think there was a misunderstanding bill. You're right, my fault. No, don't be passive aggressive with me. No, please, this one to end. No, it's not going to end.

I think it's interesting. Look, if there's anything interesting about this show, it's reality. I think that you, a girl like Shannon, okay? Who's who's who's hot? right? Yes I mean you think she's hot, right? Keep going

No, she's not of course she's hard. She's beautiful. She looks like Carly Simon when she was hot Wow Carly Simon was hot Oh, old-ass reference Wow. Carly signing was hot. Brrr fucking now. I'll take a beating from you Well, I'll call you something was I was at a book. What is that? It's my iPhone 6 plus What is for that? It's a really is a I Hello, guys. Hey, I'm still doing the show honey. What's up? You okay? No, I'm doing a show right now honey

i'm doing a podcast you know the thing i do every week what do you mean yeah yeah yeah i've had a red cat from salmon tonight so i think we're gonna have a we're currently animal around the neighborhood you don't feed fucking cats in the neighborhood, Bob. I felt bad.

So bad for what? Let the person who has the cat feel bad. Ha ha ha. All right, well anyway, I've got a cat, the black and white on that room, the rounds. Great, thanks for feeding the stray cat. And now he's going to be scared of the shit out of me when I pull up in the driveway in the middle of the fucking night tonight and he's gonna be at the door

wanting salmon good for you sorry well it's my birthday I forgot it was my birthday did you know it's my birthday it's not your birthday today I ain't but it's coming up by it's Scopo gave me in Lewis and Dan and Joe. None of you guys, that's it. They gave me a card. That's my, I don't know. I forgot it was my birthday.

Yeah, it's in a few days, huh? I'll interview her. Thank you, by the way. Our anniversary, oh shit, we're married. That's on the 10th, right? How long has it been eight years right? Seems like eight I guess swear to God I think it's eight. All right, bye. I love you. I'll talk to you later, okay

Adrian don't fucking woo my wife Pretty and how do you tell Fucking my listen my wife from Boston. I don't have to worry about will I gave her the will test what I met her What what That joke so much to get the hangy chief Oh, I get all right If you call it hangy chief again, I'm gonna fucking ball it up and put it in your mouth make you choke on the fucking hangy jeep Go to the chat room depo do poo

What are they saying Shannon never finished that story the show is ADD What are they saying Shannon never finished that story the show is ADD Shannon finish your story who's that for black I want you I want to hear the story because listen What happened was the reason why I let that go down is because you know what you had it out you fucking it It's all over you know where you stand with him You know it's that you but if you don't you have a little tip and then, hey, what was that? You gonna be wondering, now you know, you fucking hate Bill Dawes. All right, you know Bill's a fucking caveman dick

that doesn't like hot chicks and wanted to teach you a lesson. And you guys will probably definitely fuck down the road somewhere. You're sucking his awesome fucking perfect cock and you're gonna fucking plow her. And then you'll really hate him after that. Okay, so... I can't tell him about the story about her ex...

That was the truth. Yeah, so finish that story, Baba. Go ahead. That was really it. That's a story. That was... So he just cut up your clothes? So he cut your clothes up and then... Oh, it's because of the... Like I was describing the... Yeah.

Because it had like the onesie clip at the bottom so it doesn't come untucked. Yeah. He thought it was some sort of lingerie that I was packing on the trips to go with this guy. Right. And then so he cut the bottoms. Just cut them up.

Wow. It's going a trip. Yeah, I had to buy my job. I went to like a Lomins or whatever and got a suit real quick. Did you guys break up before you went on the trip? Yeah. And did you go with that guy?

Were you all living together? No, no, he has a girlfriend. No, not at all. Were you all living together? Not technically. Did you guys share a room on the trip? I don't mean the guy, no? You had separate rooms. No, not at all. Well, you're living together. Not technically. You guys share room The other trip. I don't mean the guy know you had separate rooms. Yeah, did you masturbate to the guy? Oh, no He was a massive aided to me. No

Why do you get a laugh? I mean, I would like to but since you're married, I can't did the guy hit on you. Did the guy hit that full obvious You became an editor to the show. We stopped trying to get Shannon on the show Deepo just made fucking, a fucking three-dimensional scene, her tips. I fucking care about Deepo more than I care about Shannon's tips. Okay? You're gonna say it a lot.

It's a great shot, but those are great tips, but that shot is great. I mean, it's not the perfect, you still have the black people. And the thing you should be, she's critical of himself, you got the perfect guy right now listen I know I'm critical of myself well that's sad so you haven't had a boyfriend in three years

three years ago wow wow do you have a missile no I I'm on I have well I had the tinder app but then I had a creepy thing oh shit hold on shall I creep in the crepe run what no the thing is that he somebody like stalked me from tinder on creepy thing happened. Oh shit. Hold on, Shao, creepy. Creeper on Tinder. What? No, the thing is that he, somebody like stalked me from Tinder. On Tinder? Yeah, but on to Facebook. We all do the same joke on Tinder. Sarcastic eyebrows.

Yeah, understood. But like, they found me, because on Tinder, it's just a picture and like a first name and an age or whatever. So this person found me with a different profile picture, found me just through my first name and my picture on Facebook. Did you get matched on Tinder a lot of times by your mutual friends? Yeah, but they can't.

We didn't have any mutual friends. Oh, okay. And yeah, there was, I don't understand how he did. And when he stuck, what did he do? He found me on Facebook from Tinder. And then what and then. That's not that hard to do. I mean, you were the show though.

So you were tagging pictures and stuff. And this before then. This before then. So wait, whatging pictures and stuff so this before then this before the So wait what what happened? What are you doing Facebook? He well he contacted me But he had to find me and I was like he kept emailing me and I'm like do I know who I know you and he's like Oh, yeah from Tinder and I was like so why aren't you contacting me on Tinder? Why you contacting me on Facebook? That is stalkish. That's great. That's weird creepy and stalkish. I have a question for you though You understand what that mean Bobby. Yeah, you know what happened

What you want to explain it to me and on tender you can't really as either I like you I don't like you. I like it. I don't like you if I don't if I like you I got like you back for us to communicate we had she communicate you like F dad I'm gonna find this bitch anyway find this bitch anyway type in her first name all these other bitches came up he kept scrolled to see a bitch that looked like this bitch and then that's what I say bitch with all the respect to it man there's nobody I love more than you. I can listen to you all fucking day. God damn it, you're a fucking, you're almost fucking smart. Like you're a weird genius in your own way.

Even the language that you've created, it's amazing. I fucking love you dude. I fucking love you. Listen, so I, this is why I love having a girl on, I mean, no girl comedian wants to ever do this show. I mean, it's just done because I have, first of all, too many alpha males on and it becomes fucking ruthless, which is sad.

I wish we could have more girls on this show because I love having a girl point of view. It's a very, because it does cause people like you or whatever, people, you know, to get a little fucking fuck you Which I like I don't mind that I mean you're not just sitting here going Rolling your eyes and being passive aggressive you said what you want to know a couple of girl communities I'll go oh Zennad Johnson will do it who Zennad Johnson the big black girl for messin out. No, that's not sure racist No, Zennad

I don't say one to I'm just as bad. I'm just sick dude. Why am I racist? So your drama Zamaada and Zazir Johnson. She's the tall chip. Oh, that's common What's the name with name it? What's their name again? Zahira Jackson. Okay. What's the other one? Zahir Zamaada those are fucking close to Shahir and Zazir. Oh, no, no, Zahina you got it boy Those are fucking close to Shahir and Zazir. No, no, no, Zaynab, you got it wrong. Zaynab, you got it wrong. Yeah, the bulls.

Those are fucking close names. Shashia and Zaynab? Yeah, I mean close, you know, in the... Mata and Johnson. It's like Kathy and fucking Nancy. Kathy and Becky. Yeah. Stupid.

What the fuck? I don't even get it. I just let them go. Just let them go. But so who who would do the show? I don't know. Zana Johnson stop fucking yelling her name. Exactly. You said no name. You just said who you said who you put out there to a body. So I took a stab at All right. So who was that Zana? She was she did last comment standing. Okay. Oh, ballhead. She's really tall. Oh, she's really tall.

Oh, I know her, she's a black girl. She's been hosting me. Very pretty. Yeah, I actually like her a lot. I definitely get her on. And I actually, I like the other girl too, is really the girl from my son out. Leslie Jones?

She's funny, man. She I like her. She comes in. I'm in the first night of Meadows. She was just mad at the manager at the village underground because what the fuck man? I was the first time I got mad at fucking Adrian. Yeah. Yeah, good.

Yeah. No, it didn't feel as good as scope. I was waiting for the yell at him. No, I'm not gonna yell. I'm not gonna not do that anymore. Okay. Oh, now you weren't getting at him. I'm not gonna do that anymore. Okay. Oh, now you wanna get together after you the other half of years, now,

now for years. What, I can't fucking, I can't make a change. You know, I'm gonna make a change. For what's, keep going. I don't, I, that's it. Yeah, that's what I got. Depot, you know it. You know, you had Michael Jackson Jackson read the jacket from Thriller.

It's Deepo, not Dupu. What did I say? Dupu? I don't know. Watch and listen to the video back. Fucking jackass. What was I saying? What was I saying?

Oh, the fuck was I saying? That's the Jones. That's the Jones.'s the job not the Adrian Yeah, oh the girl I'm not gonna I'm gonna yell. I'm gonna yell Just don't fuck up So listen, but I apologize. I've been under a lot of stress and it's not it's it's believe me I don't need to be under stress. It's it's just a shitty my shitty way of dealing with things stress Oh, yeah, having a sitcom get picked up, having a...

Yeah. Being on one of the biggest tours in Boston, yeah, that's a... Well, that's awesome stress, Bob. Don't forget, we just solved my specials. Oh, sure. Yeah, the two people. Your life sucks right now. Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, that's cool. How do you live? I know. It's like a weird, it's how you live. I know. Why? It's weird. It's fucking weird. My life is so much better than all yours.

I have to go to the fucking same bed I had. So it's six. That just got real. Yeah. I just heard she heard nipples just go hard. How can you keep making me look at her titties, man? He's making you listen. Hi, so what's the girls?

Who's the other girls? No, I don't want to stay down there, but I know a couple comedies that will come on. I don't understand that. You want to stay down there. Why would you not stay down there? Five it. They're going to be on the show. Well, I'll tell you one-on-one.

You're basically calling them cool and relaxed, so why would that be a bad thing? I don't know. Okay, you can don't have to tell me who it is Why if they're gonna be on the show would you want it to be a surprise? I don't know. No, I just I thought it would be better. We just hand that off air Are they in the witness protection program? I think I think he's I think he's saying he fucked them. Is that what you're saying? No, no, I never did they sign a contract No, I don't understand like if there was two guys you, you'd be like, yeah, fucking Gary Vita and fucking Chale Sonnen, they'll be great on the show.

I don't understand why you're being secretive. I honestly, I have one. I just said two, but I have one. So you see, and you understand why I get mad at them. Here's why I get fucking mad at this fucking num skull. So you have one? I have one. I got a couple, but I met like couple, I didn't just one. Who's the one? Fucking numbs go But I met like couple I didn't just want who's the one?

I was gonna kids group I see yeah, yeah, oh school. She's cool. She's cool. She white. Yeah She's cute mom's like a six-year-old son. Yeah, I'd love to have her on let Let's have her on. I just I would love to say to kids age, but she's hot though. Yeah, she's hot. She went from not telling me anything about her off air to telling me everything about her. Yeah, her social security number is fucking 107. Is she a milk? Yeah, I guess technically. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What does she look like? Can I see her? Yeah, I eat the one I said she's a milk. So yeah, definitely. I just think it's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what does she look like and I see a one that says she's a milk. Um, so yeah, definitely I just think it's good to have a I would like because we're missing it with Kelly and you have your fucking day job that almost did whatever Kelly and she moved and her ex-boyfriend. She's gone, man. She's gone Australia. Australia, man. She's back there for six months. How is she doing?

She said she's doing good. Yeah, what? What do you mean hanging in there? She has to think of boat back. What the fuck? She's doing a ship. Yeah, I said boat twice. What the fuck? I think of that bandana. She's, I was like, I was trying to talk about comedy. Has comedy going. Yeah, let's talk about that because it's not as, you know, not as nice shows. Yeah, Yeah, it's fucking Australia. What was she expecting to fucking be New York City? Is this her? Did you get her? Yeah, I thought fucking where I lost it.

Where is she? What? Yeah. Wow, she's great. She's really fun. Wait a minute. Do I know her? She's been around. Yeah.

She know me. Not like around us. She knows you are. Yeah. I've never seen a performer anywhere. So we are out of all the women comedians in New York City one will do the show Reader Franklin or somebody Yeah, we should I love marina. I love Rachel too Rachel fine. Yeah, she's fine

She's a good those are the comedians that I know right Rachel and Marina The community you know are afraid of the show right? Yes, I'm a more like what what do they say? They just you know the whole thing with Kelly the whole how everyone was a putting Kelly down or whatever they were like It's a little mean. Yeah, so they don't want I don't I never asked if they wanted to come on But I get the vibe and they don't want to come on. No, no, put them on blasts, who? I'm not funny, my blast. What was that? What was that noise?

I don't have enough cloud to put people on blast. All right, well, we'll get some more people on, but this is, we're going to end this show right now. This has been a great show. I want to thank all you guys. We're gonna go through the room, just really quick, fast, whatever you got a plug, show's coming out next Monday,

so whatever after that, you wanna plug, whatever you want, got coming up. We're gonna go around the horn real quick. Build dogs, what do you got? Nothing. I'm gonna be Rochester for two weeks, shooting something, so I'm gonna be, what is it?

It's a shitty pilot for Netflix. Will you stop? No, it's really me. You're not a shitty, what do fine. What is it? It's a shitty pilot for Netflix. Will you stop? No, it's really me. You're not a shitty. What do you want me to do? It's not shitty. Don't say that. What if they hear you and fire you?

Good point. Does not film in the camera? No, I don't know. We'll see. What if? Oh, stop being me. I'm me. That's what I do.

I downplay shit. You don't fucking downplay shit. You're on the you? Chan, talk to him the way you talk to me. Go ahead. In a nice way, I don't want toplay shit. You're on you. She ain't talked to him the way you talked to me Go ahead in a nice way. I don't want to talk to him in a nice Still feeling the burn dude you fucking said you get a fucking tattoo in the back of your neck like a road I saw the tattoo and I was looking close Adrian what are you a congratulations to Adrian everybody?

Adrian, what are you? Congratulations to Adrian, everybody. He is now a proud owner of an ID that clips on his fucking belt. It has a zip thing on it. Are you excited? I'm very excited, man. You're beginning of a new era. You get to work with EROC Sam, Trap. Like two years ago, I had it.

Sal. That's all my parents are going to end up working for those guys. That's great, man. Yeah, it's great. Good for you, man. You're a hard worker are gonna end up working for those guys. That's great man. Good for you man. You're a hard worker and you're, are we gonna lose you on this show? No, I'm still gonna be here.

Shit. Okay, what do you got? Well, if you don't already have it, get serious. Listen, I'm an OP in gym, Norton. There's a lot of new channel. I'd love to show this one. Did you just promote the O and J show on my show? I'm promoting all the shows on the platform. I'm a lot of you. You promote the O and J show on my show. I'm from all the shows on the platform.

I'm an employee at series. So you know, you really are just a company man. Aren't you? Yes, I am. I'm new member of the company. I'm happy. I'm grateful to be there. Okay. Go ahead. There's a lot of new content. I'm on.

I'm a junior. Yeah. Usually a thumb when you do this. Boston, Bonnie, other show on their foreign team. We do the replace of YKWD What do you got there fucking Brandon right yes Brandon pop belly. What do you got? All right? I got my monthly show coming up about Saturday I took her 18 comedy all ours come check it out. We got Nori Davis feel Hanley by the farm

It's gonna be great. You can stop by, again, well, if you want to come. Absolutely. Put in the Halloween for discount code $5 tickets. Go to comedyallaris.com. You can follow me on Mr. underscore B Collins on Twitter. What is the show I'm doing? Saturday, November 8th. New York County Festival, we got in, so excited about that as well.

We can finally announce that. Am I on it? Yeah. We got you, Sodor, Mark Norman, it's gonna be monster lineup, it's insane. All right, I'm going up first. Okay. I have a kid I want to go home. There was probably a blast on every show. Well, you need to go. Why? You're fine. Fuck you. Well, these fucking young cock suckers can handle the bill.

So does a killer. Mark Norman's a fuck. Why? You're funny. Fuck you. All these fucking young cock suckers can handle the bill. So does a killer. Mark Norman's a fucker. Bob will say that. That's sniper. Bob will say he got to go and then go on for his smash and then who'll stay in the back of watch. I'm not that guy.

I'm not. I watch you do that. And then when? I watch you watch. It's that the back. You see someone's going to able to follow you. I never did that. Bobby, when?

When? Bobby, I seen you the worst of all days. That's been close for 10 years. I'm able to follow you. I never did that Bobby when when Bobby when The first of all days that's been close for 10 years I don't do that if I have to go I go I've done it when I was a young comic no, I don't first of all we don't work the same clubs. I work the seller I don't work whatever club you work up on the east west downtown side Why can I say one thing? I'm the musical will be the new your comedy festival. Okay, great. Yeah, all right Everybody we know big J's and then Lewis Lewis Gomez is in that so make sure you check that out. I heard

it was pretty good. Check out Kamiya Lair too. Chameleon comedy outlet is okay. Shan, what do you got baby? I have a podcast. It's called The Thing is. You can find it on iTunes or Stitcher whatever. What's the show about? It's a relationship podcast. About what? Just any different types of relationship. I've had swingers. I can't write down one next episode to find. Can you have Bill Dawes on your show? Yes, please. Let me get it. I'd love to have you on. I've had a dance order has been on

Kurt my book. I don't want to read Paul Verzi. I love Paul Verzi, though. Yeah, question. Kevin Will and I come on and talk about black people. Yeah, everybody is welcome. Oh yeah. Sure. You've not had a black person, right? No. No, I'm not a guy. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just perfect. I'm not that way. Right. How about sexual contact with the black person?

No. Does that mean like this? Making out. Yeah, the weird Bobby Kelly definition of sexual content. Dude, making out is part of sex. It's the first part of sex. But if you just make out of the girl, it doesn't count as fun. Listen, just because you got a fucking tag doesn't mean you can jump in whenever you want, right? Sorry. Okay, am I Twitter before we move on?

What's your Twitter, Baba? At I'm Shannon Lee. What is it? At I'm Shannon Lee. I am Shannon Lee. Okay, great. That's it. Beautiful. Thank you for coming on. Will you come back again? Absolutely. Any time I want? At night. I know it night. Yes. Fickle son of a bitch. I can only

work. I can only do the show at night. Pass 730. After five. After five. Any day. Yeah. Okay, good. Don't worry. Do you're safe. My film festival is night and the voice of you finally is coming up in Los Angeles. I started film festival. I'm not sure you guys know nice. I'm not sure he's on shorties, right? And minimalistic NBC sponsors it is gonna be the finals gonna be at the DGA building October 22nd in Los Angeles come check it out We got some great short films and also you could follow me on at will silvens and you could stalk me on Facebook I'm like sharing this like it you can stalk me on at will silvens and you could stalk me on Facebook on my channel You can stalk me on Facebook and you can come to my house What did we get on the chat rooms? Let's go to the chat rooms in a second here

You guys in the chat rooms have anything to say type it in right the fuck now scopo. What do you got? I got my Twitter at Chris Copo and then I'm doing some of Bobby's dates right here Bobby you're gonna be at the October 9th Senate, the casino and Niagara Falls the 10th 11th Comedy Shop and well first of all ones the comedy shop and hasn't in Jersey and ones the comedy shop and pump and planes New Jersey Yeah, make sure you that's this week if you guys listen and live right now retweet that get some people to go out there Is that two different places? What town? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I was camping was camped in Plains, New Jersey. I don't know where I am. And Gotham, 17th, 18th, you know, Gotham Comedy Club in the city. October 29th, Empire Casino, when Yonkers in November 7th and

8th, you're going to be at the Comedy Works in Albany. Yeah, that Yonkers date is like fucking eight minutes away from my house. It's fucking great. Awesome. Ah, I drive in. Oh, I see that all the time when I go up there. Yeah, the casino, yeah. I've did it before too. Actually, yeah, this is gonna be a shake egg. It's like a lot of fans come, and it's just awesome.

Boom, bang, you're out. I love casino gigs. Yeah, because you just out, you just leave. They want it over. Do your time, get off Fat Boy, send them back to the slots. All right, what is the chat room going to say? Let's let's read some stuff off.

Someone has branded to put them on your show. Yeah, I've already I'm already working on that. All right, pretty open policy. I've had will in the show. We've had we want to show a few times. No, this guy wants to go, but this guy wants the you wanted to hear the Paul, what's his name? Paul Fumano wants to be on your show, okay? Okay, great Paul you're on the show. Yeah, some other people saying marry me Shannon, you know pretty basic stuff Yeah, marry me Shannon

Yeah, really original Marry me short for what? All right, forget least the band-in average. How you see I got it already It's a hang it's a fucking bandana you asshole. It's a bomb, it's a fucking bandana you asshole. It's a bomb danna. It's a bomb danna. It doesn't matter, you got it. No, it does fucking, it's the bomb danna.

You can't just come in. It's a hanky sheep. Also, sheep. My fucking name. The one sheep is in hanky sheep. How do you say, it's chief. It's chief. I'm gonna throw up.

It really makes me dizzy with his dumbness. It literally gives me vertigo. His fucking stupidness makes me want to puke. All right, listen, you guys have been a great fucking show. Thank you for coming in. I really appreciate it. You guys who listen to the show live, you're awesome. You guys in the chat rooms, everybody listen to the show.

I really appreciate you spreading the word and supporting Raya cast. I'm gonna be filming this thing all month, so You know scope on me. You're gonna work out the scheduling. We might be doing these at night for a while And Janet come back. Jesus Christ. Okay. Okay. We got another girl on I want another girl next week So anyways you guys are the best. Thanks for listening to YKW, podcast. Shitty jobs, shitty jobs, shitty jobs. Check out riotcats.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free, and they're all free. you