Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Benders

Episode Date: October 4, 2015

This week on YKWD we have comedians Chris Distefano, Andrew Schulz, Dan Frigolette, actor Mark Gessner and producers Tom Sellitti and Jim Serpico. We discuss the Steve Rannazzisi story, send a text to send to Captain America A.K.A. Chris Evans, and talk about the new IFC show, BENDERS!   RiotCast.com   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Estás listo a Robert Kelly? ¿Qué es, ¿qué es, dude? En la network riotcast.com.

Bienvenidos a la fuertes podcast de la planita. Es una costa. Es paquete. Es no ruso. ¿Qué es mi gas? to the funniest podcast of the planet. Burst. This is gonna be a cost-defying. It's podcast, no rules. What are the mic-ass hall? I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic-a-phone? No! That was struck by a keyboard like a comic-ass.

I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and yapping. And sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Way both sides of the coin. That's how it all. I love doing it. Side to the coin. That's how it all holds the prize. The prize.

I want to do it. My podcast is popular enough. I might affect somebody's life. You never know. It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on lightcast.com. Yeah. Look at that. Look at that. Here we go. Look at that.

Here we go. This is a very, very special edition of the YKW did podcast. We're in the Rycast Studios right now. We're gonna go through this fucking room because there's a lot of people. I mean we're packed out. We even have the couch microphone going. We have, I'm just gonna get through D-Poo of course. We got Chris Scopo. He's gonna bail to go do a call with Eric Rivera. Who? Exactly. He's a Spanish guy. And we got got the new I don't know Fucking crew. She's part of the crew now sexy Lauren

Which is yes, she's really says somebody's too pretty. Yeah kind of bugs me. You know any man you welcome god damn it And let's go through the room real quick and to do it yourselves Bam go ahead mark guestner and so. Yikki. And Joe, my bad. Andrew Salt. Chris Dostefino. Jim Cervico. Tom Ciletti. Dan Frigalette. Dan Frigalette. Dan Frigalette is from the comedy festival.

Hogan comedy. Hogan comedy. Hogan comedy festival. The rest of these motherfuckers are from the new show coming out. Benders on IFC. Yeah. Yeah. October 1st, 10 p.m. baby Jim Serpico Tom Celetti the fucking writers

creators producers Directors are you did it all? I think so craft service act Yeah, and of course we have the three stars. We there's actually two other people that are here today Yeah, I couldn't fit them in the studio Be honest be honest, okay The one guy's gonna take offense to that really cuz he's like he's gonna think it's cuz he's too fat No, it's cuz his mouth won't be as big as mouth. I got a great mouth. What's his name again? Rui? This is real name

Spelled are you why? Yeah, where's he from? Indonesia. Yeah, somewhere. He's from China, but he was raised in Indonesia. Fricking really. Where is he? I don't know. He's doing exercises right now. Yeah, he's doing exercises.

Yeah, with Fricking Trannies. What, why does he date Trannies? No, no, no, he does play. He's a very highly skilled actor. And he did, he was a woman in a play. He played like a, but he played it really good. So we just, you know actor and he did he is it wasn't a play he was a woman in a play He played like oh, but he played it really good, so we just you know And he likes to know and he's got he's got pictures on his Instagram with him He's in a transgender. Can you say Tranny? He's open about it. You can see whatever you want on this part

It's not like me. No, it's just not funny. We're not trying to get there How flat is the back of Chris scopos hair Jesus Christ Back your hair. Oh, what it's like a fucking bulldozer Who's, where, what? You can eat. I did have my food delivered upstairs. Yeah, you can't eat up here. Not a new studio, it's not allowed.

No, never allowed. Why? Never, because I'll tell you why. Somebody, we had a pizza party podcast up here once. And somebody left a piece of pizza under the couch. Oh Lewis Gomez. I'm not gonna. I don't know. I don't know. It was him. I drunk. Puerto Rican somebody fucking crack that bottle of James and baby Oh James and with you in LA almost fucking died

James and with you in LA almost fucking died. I never I never drank this before. No, where were you going to be my first? All right. That's a good bottle right there too. That's great bottle. He told me I had, because I told him the podcast it was, it's a three. Right. Yeah.

He called me and I fucked up. It's a five, because Andrew couldn't make it. Sorry. No, it's all right. So we changed, but I never fucking relayed that to them. And they're missing their kids. You wanted to blame it on Scopo so bad. Oh, you're so good.

I know, but you know what I said something. Chris Sc scope all was the first thing you came out of your mouth Chris scope Oh, yeah, and you realize there was no way to pin it on him. No, no, no, I still blame him how it's his fault because he should have me Regulated he should somehow know that I made a mistake. I go to Bob. I go Bob Do you want me to call serp or go and salute you? No, no, no, I got it. I got it. I'll take care of it I'm gonna everybody else knew it was five o'clock. And with me, he goes, oh, he goes scope-o. Oh, it was really me, man. I can't, I can't, I can't, there was a pause.

Because you know what? I'm so used to him fucking up. It's like automatic scope. Oh, it was me, I'm sorry. Because he usually does fucking up. But it was me, and you said you better, and you're missing your kids. Missing my kid shit right now instead

I'm drinking with you guys. Yeah, yeah, you're hanging out with a bunch of friends having drinks Instead of being at a field falling asleep and a fucking fold up chair. My kids teacher tonight. Really? Yes, was it a guy? I don't know really. I'm sorry dude. I'm sorry. Well, you know what? Have a shot Let's forget about that shorts. Let's forget you. What's a mice? I want a nice. I want an exactly Ocerepico's having it. Little ice. Because I like that. Like a man. Well, here's a thing. You want a shot too, brother? Yeah, for sure. All right, so we, um, we're going to get to the the the whole book and comedy festival, which I'm very excited to be a part of this year, which I love that when you know guys like you

say fuck it and you make your own shit happen in Holboak and you got a lot of great shows there mind being probably one of the best right hopefully we sell that out and then but I really you know the main show is about this benders that you mother fuckers being which is I'm not just saying this to fucking hilarious thank you it really kind of bugged me how fucking funny you guys are I was like I was watching my wife and I'm like muck because I read it as we're going I was reading it and I thought it was hilarious but when you can see something come out of like these two guys sent me

like the first guy and I was like this is great I love it but then you see the evolution of it then you see the people the first guy and I was like, this is great, I love it. But then you see the evolution of it, then you see the people that they picked. And I originally thought that Andrew was playing you, and you were playing Andrew. And then in my head, I was like, oh, that makes sense. I got it. And then when he told me, Sherp was like,

oh no, no, no, it's the other way around. I was like, really? Yeah, but Andrew came in for Chris' part. Yes. Well, they, they, I don't know. My agent gave me both. And I just remembered the one with Les's part. Yes. Well, they, they, I don't know. My agent gave me both. And I just remembered the one with less lines. Exactly.

And that was because I have a thing about going out for, for, for, uh, stuff. I don't go out for a lot of stuff. And my feeling is if I get all the words right, I should get it. So like, if I get a hundred, then I get it, right? So what happened to when someone else gets the words right? Well, here's that's what happened here. You know, Chris got the words right apparently. Yeah, he did not get the words right. Well, okay Well then he was better for it my but what happened when he filmed it he didn't get the word

I did but you guys said our nose Tom goes hey, did you get the sides for Paul the Paul ones? And I was just like yeah, but I didn't get those to a hundred so I did it I didn't I didn't try to memorize those and then you want to read off the paper so I was like fine perfect read off the paper low expectations. Really? Handled it. You're not so ever supposed to have it memorized though. You're always supposed to read it off the paper. That's the thing if you get it a hundred then you get it. Well you should have it memorized. You should have the words but you should never be looking for it. You should always be able to glance at the paper. You should always

have them. Yeah. But you don't have to have it memorized. No. There's so many guys that come in and maybe look at it. You should always be able to glance at the paper. You should always have them. Yeah. But you don't have to have it memorized. There's so many guys that come in and maybe looked at it. One second. Turn that mic. Turn it towards you. Can you turn it towards you? How's that?

Oh, there we go. Oh my god. That sounds like turning my cell phone. I'm nervous again. I feel like I'm on set. Oh god. I never thought a fucking dude that looked like me would turn me on. So.

I'm like, I'm going to. Yeah. Yeah, but you don't have to have it memorized at all. There's guys that reading once or twice, and you still get the sense of who they are as an actor. All right, I want to explain this to everybody listening is that you guys have done it all. You guys from start to finish, especially on this one, but sex drugs, rock and roll,

Marin, rescue me, the job. You guys have casted everybody. You were in all these casting sessions, so you know when somebody comes into a room, right, I mean, my brain goes like this, I gotta fucking get the lines down perfectly, right? And then I gotta start making choices. And then I make those choices, and then I go in

and try to hit those choices with memorizing it. And there's all kinds of things like I go in and who am I reading with? Are you and then I look that person in the eye? I try to alpha maleum so I can feel comfortable. Because I don't want them to fuck me up. Right. I pick my points where to look. But sometimes I'm so to talk to more than one person in a scene and I'll look that way and the producer is just looking right at me and all of a sudden I'm taken out of it because I'm like, oh he thinks I suck. So I pick my points where nobody's going to be, but none of that matters.

No, none of it. Tom, none of it matters. Because people will come in, they'll have this stuff memorized. Talking to the mic. People will come in and they'll have this stuff memorized. Really? And at the end of the day, you know, it doesn't sound conversational Really, yeah, so I'm what if you get 100%

100% 100% all the words Every one if it sounds if everyone doesn't matter natural Downie junior comes in it reads it exactly the way it is on the page boom Well, you can know the words, but not know where the pauses are supposed to be you are if he does it right then he does it right if he does it wrong I have a wrong question Tom being dead serious when I got a hundred where you like I think that we need to find something for even though it wasn't the right part when I got a hundred percent no fuck I've been auditioning wrong Looking around I've been auditioning wrong. That's me. Sorry. I was looking around. The fuck.

We'll notice that. Yeah. You know, there's definitely something there. We could use them somewhere. I feel like in, I'm just, you know, I was the only one in the room for my audition, where you guys, I did it. And then you guys were like, all right, now you had me go up script, you like make believe you're in a hockey, do those lines, but now make believe you're in a hockey game.

And then I had to improv and do it like that and that's when I think you said you like oh it looks like we found Anthony but I don't know that yeah that's what you said I was a slip but I felt I knew not to feel too good about it but my agent did tell me it's like look you're going in for this part Anthony Pichello from Brooklyn if you don't get it it's like what the fuck is your name is Chris to step in stop. I didn't get Robert Dane Cook's best friend I don't know what about Bobby. I didn't book Bobby. He's bald chubby best friend. I didn't book him They actually made for his pilot. He made

He's a lunatic. It was down to three of us. They picked the skinny guy with hair. Oh my god Bobby his best friend, but he was like dude what the fuck dude And you didn't get it. I didn't book that it's so funny Don't feel bad about nothing like that so the man you can memorize it next work But that you don't have to at all. There's no points off if you don't memorize So when I go these auditions, I don't have to at all. There's no points off if you don't memorize. So when I go to these auditions, I just fucking go off, feel it. We have to feel like you know the material inside and out.

And you've made the choices. But some of these writers are in the room, too. And they get all fucked up when you don't say the big words that they put in there. But you want to say the words that are on the page. But there's doesn't have to be memorized. There's a difference between memorizing it and knowing the words and knowing the moments

and the choices and having a thing. Right, one second. Because you're probably, you're a, you're a, you're a, we're a comic. You're a real actor. We're a comic. No, seriously, we're comics that are starting act. You know, you act. Yeah.

You're not a stand up comic. No. Okay. So you're saying that you don't, this doesn't make sense to me. You don't need to you know You don't need to memorize the words, but you need to say the word. It's a whole different approach. I would guess I've still got to figure out what a choice is There's no way you could be a stand-up comic and fucking cargo To win there We saw it. We hate. We saw it. This is the only thing I've ever had. I can't wait to win through. There's no way to come.

I'm really excited for my hand. Be a little boy, cargo shorts. I'm a huge man. It's hard to find pants. I'm Jesus Christ. Andrew, we saw your acting. We know you know what I'm choice. I just go.

I just look for it. I waited five minutes to say that joke. I love it. It was a meteor. I waited too long. I should have just ate that one. If you not going to have to. It was a meteor strike. I went into log. I should have just ate that one. If you, sorry, go ahead. No, no worries.

If you, like, I feel like your approach to your craft is to fine-tune something and polish it and make it perfect, so that you can then deliver it as though you're coming up with it on the spot. Whereas, I think it's the opposite for acting stuff. Like, if you're in the room, you're not, like, the polish and stuff, it should be alive, it shouldn't be like perfectly frozen in the perfect delivery, like the way you guys

can do it, and simulate the reality. In this case, you gotta, it's gotta be reality that you then use the words to convey. Because these guys wrote a beautiful script, a funny script, it's easy. It's like, okay, so once you feel like what, where the script's going, then just say, say how it feels using their words, and it's easy it's like okay so once you feel like what where the scripts going then just say say how it feels using their words and it's been you that was so fucking well said now if we could have Andrew or Chris punch it up and add a condom no I got a fucking beautiful dude I learned so much I learned I learned so much on set from Mark it was like unbelievable like I think one thing you said never to wear cargo never wear cargo yeah I stopped buying so Coney sneakers yeah those are fucking

worse oh my god you're horrible here's three kids oh yeah all them put together yeah I'm jealous of most of my kids close I'm not going let me ask you question you two fucking motherfuckers This is can we drink whiskey? I'm sorry, yes, dude, I don't want to drink Let me get a fresh about cheers here to bend is a alright. I am cheers. Damn he's one Wait, I just say something quick. What I was gonna say about mark. He gave me an acting tip Can I do that? No me an acting tip. Can I do that? No. Just say it. Mark he told me something. Bobby, I'm giving acting tips here. Marty, I'm sorry. Mark told me when we were in the park, we were

shooting the scene in a story park. I just couldn't get my shit down and he said, Jesus. And he said, and he said, uh, scopo her. Yes, both scopos got a nice ass to And he said I'm an asshole. You would scopos got a nice Not no fifth but scopo has a nice rest scopo looks like a you know, I made Scopo I am actually jealous of the tranny episode we did I made scopo put on Girl panties. Yeah, and pull his pants down. Do you really photos? I think I think he's got like a Plump first baseman's ass. Yeah, he does go Beautiful. He has like a a trannyeman's ass. Yeah, he does. Let's go. He has like a trainee that used to be like like just went not hot.

You know what I mean? I'm definitely back to the check that looks just like Chris Gova. Yeah, me too. But Mark said that you got to make sure you always know the character that you're speaking to, what your emotion is towards that person, especially in the audition. So like when you, you know, when you're auditioning and whatever, if I was talking to Andrew's character, and you know, like you, you know,

you have to know what the relationship is between those two, or else the lines are never gonna sound right. And that helped me plug in a lot to knowing how I, how I spoke to Andrew's character was different than how I spoke to Mark's. In my shot, because it was a different level of respite. No, it's true, it's absolutely true. And here's the one thing that I got from it.

And I was fucking, when I saw the episodes, I was fucking blown away with, you guys are so, like, your character is not you. It's this other fucking guy. You know what I mean? Because you, but you, like, you weren't, you were so fucking dude. When you were talking, I don't wanna fucking support,

I don't wanna support any of everybody. But there's one scene when you're doing with this lady and you're going back and forth. I was fucking, me and my wife were dying. We were like, what the fuck? It was so, like I know you do, such a sweet kid. And you're just being this fucking dangerous cock.

Yeah, douche, but it's likable. You're not a fucking, you're not an asshole. I'm not like this guy's an idiot. I'm like, I like this, ask this idiot, this fucking dummy. I love him. Dude, I gotta be honest. You know what I think it came down to? I think I was trying to be Andrew Sheltson real life

from my character Anthony, and Andrew was trying to be me for his character of Paul. So I think we just use each other's real personalities. Was that the genius of you? That's what it was. Yes. Is that what you wanted? Is that what you tried to do?

We'll go with that. Yeah. Now, when you cast these guys in these roles, now this is first of all, people don't know this. This is your first show with you guys from start to finish everything that we wrote that you wrote yeah you wrote yourselves you sold yourselves this is your show under the apostle banner sure but this is you guys now I I worked with you on the job way back and I was there too for the audition were you for the job? Yeah with the nuts

No that was different show That was different show We should talk about We should talk about that I just got my mom right here Here's the awesome job Talk about shitty auditions Talk about shitty auditions

Now oh good So I go I do the job Right it was before the job I did the job It was after the job It was contest search light On Comedy Central So context search light is basically Project its project green light a fake project green light for comedy central about aspiring

After writer directors trying to create their own television seriously actually I've never seen so they they they bring it all comics in right right? I already did the job. I was on the show. I know him, I know Larry, I'm going in for these guys. I love, I fucking love these guys. Like, I'm like, these are the fucking dudes I want to work for. I'm going in, someone in my acting class said, you know, if there's a basketball in the audition, I'll

bring a basketball or I'll give myself business. If you give yourself business, that makes you relax. Now you'll just be in the moment. That's a little worse advice. I'm the one who gave you that advice. Nick Depala. You're not going to cut them out of your leg. I was already lagged.

You want to give yourself business, Bobby? Yeah, I'm not gonna... I have a whole-boken comedy festival next week, but fucking Hawister. Fuck, I'm sorry. So, so it was an, I knew it was improv, so I'm like, dude, okay, I'm bringing a bag of nuts. That'll be my business. I'm gonna bring nuts. I go get the bread. It was, not a bag, it was a

can, right? It was a can. It was a long scene a long scene So I go up these two fucking assholes is sitting there and they're intimidating. I did oh, yeah Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but these two they're almost like you know the aliens when they just stare at you Yeah, if you get nothing. I've never been in a room like it. I thought I was bombing for you fucking weeks Wait a second second you were bomb Stop it stop it They try came back from Vegas. I had a tough week Dude, I had to go to Vegas cuz I was so depressed because you guys didn't give me

Dude, it was like here's how it went with that show if if sir if sir Pico came out and gave you notes and told you like He told you directly that you suck, but if he came out and said nothing that means you did good if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, It's not but totally by choice. I mean we've shot if you think about it every 12 days We shot a movie. Yeah, we shot 120 pages every 12 days So we had a move really fast and we didn't have time to basically pat you on the shoulder and say what a great job You're right in the right. This is what I learned doing sex and drugs with these guys is that when you got it You got it. Let's go. Yeah, let's just, we gotta go, we gotta fucking go. There's nobody that shoots faster than these fucking motherfuckers.

But if you come up and you, if you see them, just stare, if you see one of them, or something's wrong, if you see two of them, someone's getting the talk into it. When they both come out together. And if Tom has his hat off and they're both bald. Someone's getting fucked up.

Oh, fuck. I've been in a lot of rooms for like, for producer sessions and callbacks and stuff like that for shows and movies. And the people go out of their way to be like, ah, it's so great, bro, you're so funny. Oh, come here, I think you got it. You're like, how can it out with you?

These two sat there Don't just like and they'd be like thanks You nothing. I was like, oh man, I'm right there. I go up to this audition now. I know these guys. I did the job Yeah, and it was on September 11th Like the day we started shooting was September 11th. Holy shit. Okay. I'm in my trailer listen And how it's done watching the buildings fall it was fucking nuts. You guys keep shooting. No, no'm in my trailer, listening to Howard Stern watching the building's fall. It was fucking nuts. You guys keep shooting? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

they had to stop, and they tried, but I'm not getting it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Those are girls. I remember the extra was crying. It's a little slapped here in the face Well, we stopped shooting it was crazy, but there was like a bond there like that's something in my head like you remember me You know, I was Luis, right? So I go up with these nuts. We sit down first of all they have the self-esteem chairs in the audition Where you just sink into them and you're like, you're like back like the like this. And they're in like the great, I know, the alpha male chair. Yeah. They're just sitting up nice. I sit down. They go, okay, let's go. I start throwing nuts in my mouth. I'm throwing them in. I'm, man, I'm talking all of a sudden my mouth is full with nuts. I couldn't chew fast enough.

I got a mouth from the... I'm gonna do it. I do it to see it. I got so many nuts in my mouth. And then just look at it, the way they look at it. And then I think it was super cold. Which one was it?

It was super cold, goes, that's great. Hey, can you do it without the nuts? I'm not kidding you. I went outside and punched the building. Because you can catch me in midtown by David Letterman. I'm not kidding you I went outside and punched the building Because you guys were in midtown by David Letterman. I went outside and went by the fucking nuts Basketball fuck you now do you guys in auditions? Do you like it when the producer if you if we watched you guys and there was no shot you were getting this

Would you like us to spend five minutes telling us how how great you are? No, no, no this. Would you like us to spend five minutes telling us how great you are? No, no, no, because we've got to sound critical. No, no, no, I'll ask the reason I say it. I'll say it. I'll ask the question, because we'll change, we'll do that from now on, because we work with people who do that. Right. Sometimes, right, they'll talk to people for 15 minutes about how great they did, what did they do for the whole day. Is it? The casting session will take six hours, and that person within 10 seconds, everyone in the room know they didn't have a shot Really so it's a choice between all right. We get a waste every once time and stroke them Well, are you guys let me ask you the oh?

No, go ahead. Let me ask you this the day the last audition we were all there because you know We on the callback on the callbacks less of the test or the test Yeah, the test audition you guys you guys said you know or you know You told the assistant to say to us after our edition we just had to wait we just had to wait in the waiting room and then she came out we were all waiting there for 20 minutes said you guys can go and I went down I was like what kind of not see fucking mind trick is this shit when I got it because I was like what what was the purpose of that because we were sitting there like what the fuck are we

supposed to be doing that was just to have everyone there in case we wanted to put people together okay see the chemistry you know what fucking people you're dealing with these people around let me tell you something Round was it three years ago Bronx Bronx Bronx warrants. Yeah, right three years ago. He was there I'm for its audition. I'm fucking fighting Right I play the crack it. I'm fucking I'm fighting for this you. You put it like a crack hit, right? I put it like a crack hit, yeah. I'm fucking, I'm fighting for this role. I love this role.

I'm dying to get this role. I went in again and again and again. Then I went in with the you, like with the other actors and everything. This cock-sucker calls me up. You didn't get it. I'm so sorry. Cervical calls you and told you.

Cervical calls me up with Dean correct. No, I think it was This is on the this is on the pickup. This is after we this was the order for the pilot the order for the pilot the Order for the pilot you had the role no no No, could you told me to get the pilot shot with Bobby. Okay, it was to get the pilot shot. OK, you said no. They said, yeah, dude. They're not going to go with you. They're going to go with the name. I think you gave me some fucking name, whatever the guy

was on the wire. Or so, gave me some. He goes, yeah, look brother, I'm sorry. I literally went. I was over by Washington Square Park. He hung up. He hung up. You sat down against the tree. Dude, I'm over by Washington Square Park. Right. He hung up. He hung up!

You sat down against the tree. Dude, I'm not even kidding you. I fucking, I looked up and I went, why? To whatever God was up there, right? Because I worked so hard. Then the fucking cock-sack-a-cogs-back-a-minute-letting was, hey, listen, yeah, you got it.

I was like, fucking! Dude, I never went from like, like, the last time I did that was I'm banging a hooker in Brazil and the rubber came off. I went from home, I go, this is the best, no! I go, fuck! It was a... We recorded it, we still have it.

No way. Yeah. These motherfuckers are so funny. I remember calling it in the interim, there was like two or three days after you guys said, you know, you guys can go now with the story I just told. And then I found that I got it, like I think two or three days later. But in that two or three days, I called Bobby and was like, hey, you know, you guys can go now, with the story I just told, and then I found that I got it, I think two or three days later, but in that two or three days, I called Bobby,

and he was like, hey, you know, like, could you just give me some advice on what it's like to audition with them, and then he told me that story, and I was like, oh, fuck. I feel like if they fuck with him, because actually, no, I remember he told me that story, and then I got a little hope,

because if they fuck with him like that, maybe they were just fucking with me, or maybe it was a real reason, like you guys had, maybe you guys wanted to read together or maybe it was like a real reason like you guys had like you know said maybe you guys wanted to read together but it's fucking nerve-racking. It's nerve-racking but here's how I feel worse for you guys because you have to say people you like you have to not give a job to. Yeah, I mean time.

I mean that and you people you like you bring in and they stink like they were good on this and then you, I'm a, I can't wait. There was, you know, oh my God. And then all of a sudden you're like, no, guys that come in, man, there's guys from the wire that came in for this show that we love. You know, good, but you can't do that. I can't, I can't say it. I don't care. Say it.

You just track a whole fucking shadow. Exactly. We get more whiskey. I did't give a shit. Say it. Sarpakal on care. You just track a whole fucking shadow. Exactly. We get more whiskey. I did not trick a whole shot. Sarpakal's two glasses. Dominic Lombardozy came in. Oh, it's great. Oh, yeah.

He's one of my favorite actors. He left the room. He immediately followed me on Twitter. He didn't get the role and he fucking unfollowed me. Are you kidding me? What happened? Which guy is that? Dominic.

What's holding Lombardozy? No. Herc. Love him on. Great actor. He's unbelievable little bit of a lowzy. No. He's a perk. Love him on. Great actor. Great actor. But it happens all the time.

And it's like, dude, we have a certain thing in our mind for these characters when we write them. A lot of times it changes when we see what you guys bring to it. The perfect example there is Mark. We didn't write the character with his physique or his type, but he put a whole nother level to it. It's like half baked bread, that's what I was like. Well, I'll tell you about your character.

And maybe a lot of credit, dude, I knew I was going to love these two guys just because I know they're stand-ups. I know how funny they are. Thank you just hanging out. And I've worked with him before on Bronx Warrants and he was, he just fucking murdered it. But dude, you are so fucking yeah funny he is funny man. And you're not you're not looking man good looking good looking.

I'm just gonna say good looking good looking that's fucking that's half the battle good for them. I'm happy for girls gonna be like this dude you're unconventionally hot. I'm not kidding dude. I guarantee you get more fucking chicks liking you than these because they're gonna go unattainable. They're gonna go I could fucking back. I can get him. I just look more accessible. And your character is so fucking great because you have this money and you're such an asshole with your money. You know what I mean? It was great. It was like me if I just had no more reason or accountability or anything.

I just got to be like my id in suspenders. It's just, suspenders were fucking amazing too. Whoever put those on yet. Emily Gunshore. Emily Gunshore. Damn, she was great. That's so funny. Only the actor knows all the crew's name. Comics are like sure yeah, I'm like gun sure That's so funny that only the actor knows like you crew all the crews name

Comics are like yeah, the dude Comics don't know anybody's fucking name actors are like dude. Do we get a meal penalty? Guys, I think we get a meal Ruins to talk about If you guys got paid yet, and I was like we get paid TV yeah, then you get paid one of the advertising revenue come like I had no clue I just got a check for a Pardium I got a chick from FX for a perdium and it was for like some shit that I was like what the fuck is it? We get for a deal. No, you guys

for a deal no you guys just I have to see this just a little bit of drop a letter to fucking I don't know I'm kidding I'm kidding no you know but I didn't know every like John Ailes you call oh that's the perdiem you get it's in you know statue fucking 874 of the associated sag agreement that we vote did you vote no I'm fucking vote for anything I only vote now just to get those free movies with those fucking Sag Awards. Yeah, that's what I was. Now, you're just good. I've met you, I think, before, right? Yeah, we've had a couple weird interactions.

Weird, really? Yeah, well, because the first time I ever counted you I was like 20 years old and I was like, Hey, let me interview you. And then I lost the whole film crew. And then I had to call you back and be like, Hey, sorry, and then next I saw you was Joe de Rosa's Right Joe de Rosa's video for Joe de Rosa must have been a long time ago

It was a long time ago try back a the Cheat was a G Joe alternative Joe. I don't even know what he is now He's got a fucking ladder tattoo I saw you was for cheat in Back that would be edgy Joe. Yeah, that's edgy. Yeah, no, that was good though. No, but no, that was a great movie Yeah, fuck that's always funny. Funny story ever with Joe to Rosa. We're all at Schumer's house beach Your mother had a beach house Wherever long island somewhere. We all go out there Keith me everybody. Derosa hang out all day We're all in the water. Keith Robinson's

fucking so shit face, he's fighting waves. Literally, he's punching waves. He's like the waves coming and he's fucking gulking him. We're just dying. I got a dead toenail. They're all making fun of me, right? Because the sun goes down. Some people leave. We're all hanging out. Joe's on his phone, right? He's bidding on eBay on these shoes, okay? Because someone told them the way you get really expensive clothes for cheap is on each bet. So he's got these shoes, very expensive. They're $40, right? He's bidding. I think his top bid is 90. He knows how to win them. So we're all talking. What are you he's doing is walking around

We all go me Amy and I feel somebody else going the house. She bids 200 always all there signs up for eBay signs up. Yeah puts 200 because we know he I knew his top it was 90 Yeah, you're missing to the bid right there, right? So he's sitting there all of a sudden we bid bum all of a sudden Fuck sit in there, obviously we bid bum, obviously, obviously, fuck. Fuck. Look, what? He's like, I'm mother fucker. I wanted these shoes. Someone out big me, man. Man, what the fuck, man?

You know that Joe DeRosa anger? I'm really acting. Man, dude, we started fucking, and then she gets the email that she just won the shoes. She goes, you mean these shoes? And he's like, you fight, he was really mad. Really mad, but she wanted to give him the shoes. I would have you mean these shoes? And he's like, you fight, he was really mad, really mad. But she wanted to give him the shoes.

I would have shittin' them and fuck it, said the bill, but it's funny. It's great. So you got this whole book of comedy, found it, switch over this real quick, because I know you kind of said it. But you've got Andrew. Andrew, you're on a two.

Yeah, I'm doing a podcast. I'm doing my podcast with Charlotte and Brilliant Ideas. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing too, is like, we don't even need to do this podcast to promote the show, because you two fucking assholes. I mean, it's ridiculous how many fans you have. Like, I remember I told Serbico one day, I was like, hey dude, I'll tweet some stuff out. He was like, yeah, all right.

And I was like, I got a weird vibe. I was like, what the fuck was that? And then I looked at your Twitter and I was like, oh, all right. Fucking 900, you get fucking nine. Just it's crazy. You guys have a massive fan base Oh, so MTV kids yeah, but who gives a fuck cuz those MTV kids grow the fuck up Yeah, and they're gonna watch a show which is great. You have a you followed me and now I have three hundred and forty five followers Oh shit Guys, it's my high-water. I don't want to be in a dark. Did you have did you have Twitter before all this?

What no, well, it has Yeah, I did. Yeah, no, no, no, it's gonna blow up. Yeah, I don't know how to get followers. Is it yeah, because there's so many different platforms like when Twitter first came out I was when we were on guy code. Yeah, but there's nowhere else to really kind of like oh there was nowhere else to really kind of like buddy. Oh, there was nowhere else to really kind of contact people You saw on TV or like musician so everybody just rushed to Twitter and we would get like an episode with air We get like a few hundred and episode 300 extra in episode like it was crazy every week it was going up and then Instagram came out then some people went to Instagram Them Snapchat and all these other ones came out and now it's like it's just kind of hubbub It was like my space when I did my I did my album just to tip with Jack

Von I did it with Comedy Central. I was in a rubah and I watched my it the the just the tip came out with the half hour. That night that that air my my I got thousands. Yeah like I was just watching it go thousands of people recoup and I had it that's when you had to click them yeah to say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah accepting people all night I was like this it's such a fucking what a I don't give a fuck man yeah sounds like a radio like you like wanting to like seeing that many people go I want to fucking be your friend whatever the fucking is

yeah you make you feel like fucking yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah she the sheen roast I had Amy Schumer those the last time we were able to get Amy Schumer for the festival and that done the turbo she knows no no no I love I can't I got 200 seats in Hoboken what she's not gonna come to fucking Hoboken for 200 seats But I should not Bobby Kelly what the fuck is that Bobby's like 46,000 you better sell out these 200 seats Bob right now 46,000 Toerie followers from the chin roast she got that that one day 46,000, 200 followers from the chin roast she got that one day I was the same one fucking live tweeting. I was fucking mumble. What are you doing? No, that's that's how I talk

But that speaks to roast man the roast makes stars of people It was huge, but this is what's this five years ago. Yeah, yeah, but I had to have a good boy. It's Jeff Ross Yeah, well Whitney Cummings right when he coming Yeah, well Whitney Cummings right Whitney Cumming yeah Oh, the roast man yes, so neck it's huge for the girl specifically because there's just so few of them in comedy So if you get a girl on that show, they're pretty much gonna blow it was big for Nick the Apollo, right? Who? Nikki Dees Christ, you know what you almost you was so bad you tricked us I was literally moving on think about the joke He was so bad you tricked us. I was literally just moving on.

Think about the joke. I know. All right here. None of that, fine. No, you keep that. So you're doing this festival, which you started this? Yes. Six years ago.

Why? There was no comedy in Homebook. At all. There was nothing. There was nothing six years ago. And no, Homebook is this. I've been there once kind of, but I've heard this amazing, you, you're looking to be aware.

Have you been there a lot? It's a price I haven't been there. I just, I still love there. You did? Yeah. Yeah, it's a good little city. It's slept on. It's in Jersey, so it's slept on. So people are like, oh, you live in Jersey. You don't live in New York.

So you got to deal with that. Um, but it's great. I mean, it's, I'm actually, I live in Brooklyn. I have the Park Slope for five years. I'm closer now. It took me 11 minutes to get here. It took me an hour for Park Slope to get here. Yeah, it's true. Really. It's so close. It's so everything. But it's real expensive. It's expensive now. It's expensive now. It's expensive when you live there. There's so many bars in that city. So many bars. It's like there's five bars of block, I feel like. You been It's open to Hobo

But what the fuck what about a fucking American? How about this? How about the rest of us take me out and take me to Hobo? Yeah, let's go to Hobo. It's a great city. Yeah, you got to get more Twitter followers I can't I I don't help me I got fucking 200 from that. Yeah, but some shows don't don't do Twitter Like some shows are big on social media some shows aren't this just how it is I definitely just to give you an idea like I think we started is that the fans are big on social media

Yeah, so if you watch a show that's a little bit maybe more mature the fans No, tell me to that if you got more black kids if you got more young black kids who want you to always have to be about race It's but I'm telling you that black lives matter if you got the young black kids They're gonna love you on social media more more than other shows. It's just the truth dude 45 year old men are not on social media Yes, they are yeah, but not as much not as much as the young kids though. It matters. It matters in every aspect right now No, I know I understand that explain the key stuff. What's that you explain that what do you I don't know to say what you mean What he's trying to say why does it matter in every aspect that's how Jared found the girls I'll tell you as you know actor or especially stand-up comedians especially stand-up comedians You're following count matters in all platforms. Yeah, you know

They'll base whether or not they can do a special on you on how many followers you have It's just the way because these these networks don't put a lot of their own money into the advertising and they're relying on the talent. Does it matter on your end? Because if it does, Tom needs some help. Yeah. That's a lot of it. Fucking Tom is the last of a dying man.

He? The energy. But what the fuck is the energy? I can't, to every tag, I, every tweet tweet I put out I have to fucking hashtag you But it's still hard for to come up because it's yes. No, it's T.S. It just says T.S. Yeah Don't you care about social media Tom? I don't give a shit. I have enough going on I go I don't you care about social media, Tom. Does that don't give a shit?

I have enough going on. I go on using my computer. He's holding the camera. He's not. Wait a minute, wait a minute. But don't you want to promote your show? I mean, now you're not behind the scenes anymore. You're going to be going on shows.

You're going to be doing all these events. You guys are going to be out in the front of it now being creators. And the writers of these shows, it's no longer producer, it's no longer EP, it's you other motherfuckers. You're going to be on these shows. So you're going to have to have a social media somehow, because if you're going to go on like a Conan or if this show pops, which I think it's going to, it's going to kind

of change IFC for certain like like rescue me did effects and and the shield and that kind of it's changing it with Marin and this and I don't think and show you're gonna have to have that I don't think it's a straight out rule in our position that you have to do it really because yeah and if you look back a guy like Johnny Depp doesn't really do press or social media and he's the biggest star there is you're never gonna Be that's a shot. You're out of your mind In Robert De Niro right not that we were Robert De Niro I'm not comparing ourselves to that, but I think you that so media can you get like Michael Rappaport?

Can you do that? Michael has a lot of followers Michael on the podcast is great. Michael, you're funny dude Michael rabbit. What are Instagram is fucking hilarious Do you follow Andrew? Do you know who he is of course? Yeah, cuz we refer to you as the poor man's That's not the first time that's not the first thing I've time I heard that it's not the first thing I've ever heard that. It's not the first time I said it either. No, no, no.

I've never heard it from you. I was told that about, I forget who somebody was telling me. That's the first time I've done that bomb band dinner. That's the first time that's happened. Somebody was telling me that they said, they said, they basically said something about Spike Lee's new thing. They're like something about like Spike and like you are his new Michael rap board. Nobody you know obviously asked Mike Lee didn't ask me to be there. I thought that but they're like you could be like that new like absolutely whatever we love Michael

rap board. In fact, love them. The first thing we ever wrote together and went out with in public was a pilot called choke. That Which was the lead for where he chokes his grandfather. And we didn't end up selling, but it was the beginning of our writing career. Because based on that sample, we got writing jobs at certain networks. That ultimately became the pilot for this show. And we wrote that for Michael Rapp report. His name was right, Rapp in the script. Yeah.

Isn't that crazy? I remember reading that script too, and I love that script. That script was fucking great. And it's funny when you put somebody's face on it, like I said, when I had you as the other one and you, and then when it switched, I was kind of like, oh, fuck, like I got it with that.

But then I was like, fuck, and then when you guys pulled it off, I was like of like, oh fuck, like I got it with that. But then I was like, fuck. And then when you guys pulled it off, I was like, man, it's the most interesting thing when a human being can take somebody else's creativity and bring it to life. I think. Yeah, that's magic, man. That's magic.

Well, let's not get queer. I think it's magic. I think it's magic. I think it's magic. No, it's magic. Dude, I love you. I have another one. Don't ever say magic on my show. I know you do magic, which I love.

All right. It's all turned into break. Does anybody have any cards? I'm just asking for later. Oh, fuck it. So, anyways, you're doing this festival, man. You're 60 or 7 days. got you Friday, got Andrew and Charlotte made Saturday.

Well, Charlotte made. Charlotte made a guy do the podcast. Was he do comedy? Is he comedy? No, he could do it. He's great. But he's a radio guy. He made his chops, earned his chops.

Bones? Yeah, he did that. He does like this radio show called The Breakfast Club. Every morning, I'm a car car 105 so it's like a You know, I want to say something real quick that we're having a show Can I tell people about the show the premiere you guys are doing or is that no go? Yeah, you could yeah, you can't mention every single person These one little guy that looks a little like us that we can't talk about okay great. We can't do that

But that's a good. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so we, so what date is that? September 29th. September 29th, you guys, and I love this too. That's why I love these two fucking guys, because they never do anything conventional. They're always looking to do something different than it's been done. We're putting together a show at the Village Underground,

where it's going to be not, we're not going to, are we going to watch episodes? been done. We're putting together a show at the village on the ground. Hey, yeah, where it's going to be not we're not going to we're going to watch episodes. We're going to watch clips clips from the show and stand up. Because we're all stand-ups. So I'm going to you and I'll watch. Yeah, can I request to go first before him and for him. I'm going for the fucking. I got to go up to the ground. will three. I was closing first of all you're a close. First of all, you get more Twitter follows in me, okay? All right. You're the star now. My

show's over. We don't know if I've picked up. Did it get picked up? Did it get picked up? It did not get picked up yet. It's not picked up. Not yet. It's getting picked up. I hope it does. Please look at you. Motherfuckers. I want to look at you right now. Do you two know

something Tom? You don't have a lie look at me know what? That's why he stays off social media because Wanting to go into gets picked up can I get a part? You can't get a promise I won't bring nuts to the other So we got the show. Who's hosted? I think Andrew. Yeah, she got a host. Me and then we get all the hosts by the way, guys. I just want to put that out.

I'm gonna get so drunk at this. I don't want anything to do except cheer for you guys. I just am very excited. Who else is on the show? Kurt Metzger, who, by the way, I don't know if you guys know this, but Bobby did punch up on the show. He worked on all the scripts. Kurt Metzger wrote on the show.

Oh yeah. Kurt's got any played one of the roles on the show. He worked on all the scripts. Kurt Metzger wrote on the show. Oh yeah. Kurt's got any played one of the roles in the show. The last one. So it's you. It's it's show. See it's me. It's it's Kurt. It's it's God's great.

God for my God. Oh my God. He was in the show. He was a fucking hammer show dude. He was a lot of dick on the show. Yeah. There's some alpha fucking. He's a monster.

Shit. God for he was great in the series, man. Yeah. He plays a goalie. Godfrey was great in the series man. Yeah, he plays a goalie He's he was really quick. I'm a fucking He's out there on the Bronx warrants. I gotta talk about this Real quick about this real quick about the show. Yeah, I just want you to know this because I think it's funny I got the breakdown of the show how much time everybody's doing and they have They have got me down for five minutes. Yeah, okay, can I stop? So you gotta say when you got an email? I'm not gonna tell you from who yeah, and the person said listen

I don't know where you put in God for you in the show, but be very careful because he will just keep going Yeah, he going to go and so we we are gonna send someone out to tackle him. That's where you come in Light there's no Here's what I used to do. I host that. Here's what I used to do at the seller. I used to light his money on fire. Rock it. When I used to host, I would stand in the hallway and light his fucking money on fire. And he'd be like, I gotta go. I gotta go. Yeah. Got free. Got free. He does a sick death. I never go over the fucking light. I'm not going to be a guy. I'm not going to be a guy.

I'm not going to be a guy. I'm not going to be a guy. I'm not going to be a guy. I'm not going to be a guy. I'm not going to be a guy. I'm not going to be a guy. I'm not going to be a guy. I'm not going to be a guy.

I'm not going to be a guy. I'm not going to be a guy. I'm not going why, because it's time you're going to have to fucking man up because I'm your kid. You got the followers, but this show, all you assholes, you're going to be fucking huge off of this. So it's, this is you, dude. You should own it. You're fucking hilarious, too. So don't even, I mean, don't let what happened at the club last weekend in Boston. Then you're going back here for the, what's that other show? Foster comics him home. Oh, yeah.

That was good. Yeah, following Bob, Bob, and I came into the TD garden. I'm going to be on. We put, do you give them, are you giving them a good spot? Is there a good spot on that show? He's, we need someone to close. You've closed before. I've closed.

Chris may have to close. Bill closed. Yeah, close. We's a good lineup this year That's a good lineup. They have the lineup name the lineup. It's Jimmy Fallon Louis CK Wow Ray Romano shit tired. I'm just Steven right who else yes, Steve right. Yeah, wow Lenny Clark. I got many absolute Lenny Larry Larry. Oh my god We need this we's doing it. So you want me to go last?

Yeah. Ah, wow. Jim, what the fuck? My family's gonna be there. No, hang on a second, listen up at the end. That's a wrap. It's a right of passage, brother. All right, I'll go last.

You cannot kill what is already dead. Well, they made me go last, and Larry goes, all right. That's it. I'm kidding. We got one more Yeah, but you're a known Boston guy We played a fucking song before he went off. We wanted to see if he could put it off They fucking put me up foul and and Larry sang a Yankees red socks Fallen and Larry sang a Yankees red socks Holy shit, dude, no dude. It murdered. It was so I was literally like this. I'm literally like Yeah, I had a shake my hand to stop watching. What are you fucking nuts? I swear I was pacing I'm pacing Well both cut notes were like what the fuck like it was like I first year in comedy dude

It was how how'd you do though? He killed. I'm a fucking I'm a murder. You think there'll be all I know Seriously, all right, it will it's never not told a big hockey town to they're gonna be All right, yeah, whatever you gotta kill it. Yeah, I'll tell you why if you gotta keep this in your head It's a benefit. Yeah, they're there to have fun. Yeah. They're not there. They're not there to judge. They're there to fucking have a good time and by the time you go up they're gonna be fucking drinking and everybody's thinking the room's just gonna

be like oh my god and I mean I'm just making all this up. Yeah. They're gonna be live tweeting. Yeah. If you shit the bed, you're in trouble. Oh my, you're gonna hear stuff. But I want to get a scope. I'm gonna get crushed. Here's, yeah, I want to go back to this festival. I keep, I just want to get back in it. I hope you guys know my, and we're not gonna take a break. If you want to take a break, we can. But if you want to take a break, no, fuck it. I'm good. I say we go right through. If you want to piss, go piss. If you want more stuff, get more stuff. I want to just keep going because this is flowing good. But this festival that you got going, Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desesperan.

¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Bates, ¿second? No, ¿qué es eso? Es un bolotón, ¿no? ¿Cómo hay un festival?

¿No hay como bolotón de balas? No, no. No, no. No, no. ¿No, no? ¿No, no, no? ¿No, no, no? wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, So your people have to talk to their people maybe maybe Chris is my people know Chris is people So you're Chris is people have to talk to his people now I got now I can have benders as a backer now Now we're here we can figure it out. I absolutely great. Really? Yeah, that'd be fucking great connection

I know good idea now what it shows you doing I'm gonna well, so I'm doing roast battle Yeah, with I was supposed to go Matt Richards from joking off this season He keeps back and out on me. I don't know. Wait a second. He's pretending like he's going to murder me, but I'm like, hey, Rose Battle, let's back up and explain Rose Battle. Are you involved in that? Rose Battle. So, no, okay, well, I don't know how much I should say, because now there's the, there's, there's, it's spliced, right? So now there's two Rose Battle. Wait a second. Let's back up to the start. The one I know is that the stand. That is the fake rose battle.

And then there's the one, and then there's the one with Rell Battle who started it. Really? Who is that? Rell Battles of Gaffemela. And he started. He started Rose Battle with another kid named Brian Moses. Thank you.

Wait, can we in LA? Both, actually. I'll explain the back. Great names. So basically, Rell Battle starts the show with Brian Moses in LA. It's a roast show. Jeff Ross comes on after and definitely ups the equity of the show. He's bringing on famous people.

Jim Carey fucking was one of the judges. And he's definitely got recognition. But the show was the hottest show in LA. Moses, I guess my understanding from Rail is that, and I got to speak to Jeff about it, but is that Jeff wanted to be a creator and Rell didn't want him to be a creator. He said you can be an EP, but I don't want you to be a creator. So Rell and Brian Moses kind of split and Moses and Jeff Ross kind of did their thing and Rell did his thing.

Rell got banned, I guess, from the comedy store. So I don't know what happened. Yeah, I guess so I don't know exactly what happens. Rostes is one. So when you know, yeah, so basically what happens is Rell, Rell, because he couldn't do the show out there, decided to come to New York and did it, do it. So he started at the New York comedy club. And basically the, the, the roast master or whatever.

I guess Jeff Ross and Brian Moses did their own version of the show in Montreal. And then they brought it to the stand after. So the one of the standards Jeff Ross's version. The one of the standard Jeff Ross's version, which is, but Jeff Ross isn't there for it. And Brian Moses isn't there for it and brine Moses isn't there for it's there simply to compete with yeah

which I think is a whole stage show now I love louis go miss hosted which I love yeah I love louis louis is louis my dude but I just think it's funny

like the guys who start the stand which is like a website you know cringeymer started on calling out comedians for being hacks and they basically have a hack version of the show here's a thing i got a you get it dude look at the act version it's a hack because it's just that it's just a

copy of their if jeff was there or brine moses who there i'd be okay with it but they're they basically like hey we need a presence in new york just because rail has a presence in new york right i I'll be able to stand 815 and 1015 tonight. We're all there next to you. Christopher Stefano will be at the stand 815 1015. I like this. I love Patrick. I love Patrick. I love Patrick. I like Chris. I like him for tonight show. I want to do this tonight show. I don't fuck with those guys at all. But we know.

But it is. They actually thought you the mic rap a port of. I'll take it. I got a bigger lap. Those could call back. What is that? Thank you, Chris. What is this? It's so supportive. When he was, I say magic one time. You get fucking ripped. I call it magic and everybody. He's going to call you magic mark for the rest of the life now. Magic really did make it feel like a hack version. Magic hack, what's up buddy? So it's 11 shows I never did one.

You can never go through it. You can never go through it. Go for it festival.com. It's a lot of shows. It's a make, I mean everybody, everybody on this planet is gonna be been on it. Yeah, over the last couple years. I was too big to do it this year.

He's huge. He said he couldn't do it. Non-jump rags. No, I couldn't do it. You could, that fucking monster energy thing. I don't know, I couldn't do it. That's why I couldn't do it. I, I'm just rags. I couldn't do it. You know, that fucking monster energy thing. I don't know. I couldn't do it. I would have loved it.

You know, man, I love you. I always do a whole book and comedy festival. And it's always packed. You're great. Go check it out. It always is packed. All right, so let me go through it. Let me go through it.

Monday's Derek Gaines, Matt Pavitch, Pete Blaydale, Tuesday, Moody McCarthy from Letterman, Seat and Samantha Kreme Green, Wednesday's Will Sylvain, Mateo Lane, Brett Druck. Are you going to have an interpreter for that show? from the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the

city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the

city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city of the city See it yeah, we'll so Vince made that for the studio beautiful beautiful the worst man I've ever seen made it he made it He's a fuck that's what he wants to fuck man scaring me. He wants to fuck you Yeah, he's been so a bit for years. I don't know that's why I didn't know that's about you stick is he married I can't take dick. Oh my god. Yeah, I was a good one has a picture of that dick. I've seen I've almost seen your dick Yeah, do you see my oh? Yeah, yeah, when had in the but I had in the satchel. Yeah, I was looking. He's got a fly.

I see his dick. He's got a big dick. I see a very thick ass a lot during shooting. Yeah, yeah, because he got real comfortable toward the end. Oh, we did. Okay, changing was brutal. I'm talking about Dicks now. Let's settle down.

Let's go back to the fucking last time. And of course, it's my fault. That's when it gets called out is when I say that he's not talking is done. His dick was magical. Who has a magic dick? Probably magic. Magic. Gigantic. Cute. Yeah, really good.

Third days, the guys we fuck podcast girls, Christine and Corinne, with James Madder and Leabonema, Friday, Robert Kellyber kelly yep uh... apm here's a green bomb air in burgl roast battles friday at ten uh... and you and charlotte mbillion idiots live podcast uh... on saturday eight o'clock uh... sonar scuba saturday ten o'clock yonnes pop its ocarcine dan frigalette uh... sunday we have a like a daytime like dog friendly show for all the people that submitted in kind of where like this right second string so we're going to align outdoor show uh... are they dog friendly show for all the people that submitted and kind of were like this second string so we're gonna do a live outdoor show.

Are they a dog friendly show? Dog friendly show. The whole thing supports a Liberty Man society. Okay, that's an outdoor show. Okay, so this is all going- Is that what was Justin Silver? We actually had him last year. I love Justin's dog friendly. He's cool.

You both have a beautiful skin color. Me and him, like people, doesn't matter. Arty Quitter podcast, 4 p.m. on that Sunday, and then 8 p.m. Arty Lang's gonna close the show with his guy. I'm canceling. I'm not doing it. He's so funny. He can walk to the venue and he just can't.

Let me tell you, I know he can walk there. I still get him a car service. No, you gotta go pick him up. He's got Dan Philato now. He's got Philato making sure that everything runs. That's a good dude. No, but I love it when the comics do that when they're like,

listen, I'm gonna fuck that. You said to me, I said, I'm gonna fuck this up. Call my guys, make sure everybody's on it. I like it when comics do that. Because who are like, like, like, Greer will do that, grow, be like, listen, I'm gonna fuck this up, make sure you get, you know, somebody else involved coming to my house,

whatever it is. I'm gonna be there, but I'm gonna probably get a fuck it, I'm gonna forget it or whatever. I got too much shit. I forget shit all the time now I don't know if it's having a kid. I don't know what it is, but I don't oh Dumber with every kid I had Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was a married to the woman I married to I'm here we go And we fucking go this guy will not shut up

Magic market Oh my god Like you know what he said this he the last day The last day we're feeling accomplished ever the show and he goes he's just looking at his wedding ring He goes ah can't wait to put this thing back on Closet massage, and I know. Mark, listen to me, Mark. He beats her. 100% guarantee.

Mark, listen to me. Yeah, man, go ahead. I'm fucking with you, dude. I love my wife so fucking much. I appreciate that. So much. But here's the deal. I just, I just, I just, we just got a new babysitter.

I can't stop thinking about it. He's a, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Ha ha ha ha. He's asleep now, so I'm punched the building. I have to fire her. She's gone. I'm gone, you gotta go. I haven't looked my wife in a day and a half. She comes up, how you doing? I'm doing good. Yeah, dude. Yeah, listen, I love my wife, dude.

But, you know, I get it. I get it. I get it. These guys just do it. They don't get it at all. But dude, it's all right. I tell you who's gonna get it. My wife is a strong,

as well, and she's shut up. She stays at home with the kids. you do all the work. Oh my god. Is that that hard? Why is that that shocking? Can I can I say something to you? You get to stay at home the people she loves more than anything in the world Shut up. He ain't being a guy. I know I have no kids shut up. I want to tell you something right now taking care I did it. I did it one day. I said go out. I I can just be. Oh, yeah. I never told her. I never said how hard it was because I don't want her to know that. She came home and I was like, all right, cool. You good? She was like, how was it? I was like, fucking the shit. She saw your eyes, though. She looked in your eyes. She knew. She might have,

but I was like, dude, we're blast. I'm going to go in the city. I literally got my car and fucking lit up a cigar. I was shaking. Yeah. I was like, what the fuck, the shit, the piss, the food, the dog, no, no, I said no, no, no, like 9 million fucking times. That's layered on top of your genuine fear that your kids are gonna die, which is apparent you feel all the fucking time. So when my wife is around, that fear goes almost completely away because she's so good with the kids.

But when it's just me, I'm thinking there's all the annoying, like stop touching each other, don't punch your sisters, don't punch your brother, like there's that whole thing. But that's layered on top of me being like, what if they fucking, what my wife's on here? What if one of them fucking falls over and dies? I'm having a little feel that way though. Like on the third kid, you still feel that way?

Yeah, I don't even know where my third kid is. You're missing a game. If you go to Tom's house, hey, let me tell you something. If you go to Tom's house and you see his third kid, he's fucking running rough shot dude. He's got a fucking butcher's knife, a fucking curl and I and stuff like that. Every time I call him, he's at home.

His wife is somewhere and there's just this conversation. And all of a sudden I hear a scream in the background, and he goes, I gotta go, he's bleeding again. And again, every time. I'm glad, every time. I admire the way he's doing. So hard. When you talk to Tom on the phone, you'll hear,

and you'll be like, yeah, it's all quite, I'll be sending you, ah! Nice week, I'm talking to my here. I'm like, what was that? He's like, it was an arrow. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH You're gonna fucking fall off that what's wrong with it? What the fuck did you give your kids a bow and arrow? They got a lot of things. There's like a weapons bag that they play So we have to we have to hide it all the time it swords and all sorts of Right now

American Ninja boring anonymously I ship him to his house like a weapon From Santa Like how Vikings are raised man. I saw a video one kid made of the other one the other day Doing like the spider thing that they do yeah, and he walked down the hall on the walls That's amazing. Oh my god. He's feeding you They're out of their fucking how old are are they? Dude. 10, 8 and 3. Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, I know where they get it from. You always have a fucking brace on.

And you always just, I just took one race off because it was hard. It's guys in a knee brace right now. It's always, you're always hurt. It's gonna be a kid. It's all a guy though. I know. Like everybody dies, but not everybody truly lives. That's all I'm saying.

That's how he raises his kids. If I was gonna, like, if I was gonna piss one of these guys off, it would be, I could deal with Srebrako because Serp will fuck you yell it out screaming out because you know Serp Serp has it up and down he's like me but Tom is like like nice all the time yeah but when he fucking loses it I don't want to be around for that long big boom yeah cuz he look at that see that stare right there that fun and he plays he really plays hockey all the time. Yeah, so he'll take a fucking beaten

Yeah, he's probably given a bunch of beatings slammed in the boards and he's just a really nice guy, right? But when that guy snaps you don't want to be around. Oh my god. That's not true. Really? I think it's I I'm sorry sir. I can what's that is that true? What was the question? Ha ha ha ha. What do you hate you once? Ha ha ha ha ha. What the fuck was that?

Ha ha ha ha. So real quick, Serp, just to ask you this quote, did we get picked up? Ha ha ha ha. Not yet. Let's do the fuck up, big one. Why did they do that? Why do these people make on the fucking pilot?

On the thing, everything is a weight and torture you. Torture you. Thank you so much that goes into it that we don't know. They have to deal with a lot behind the scenes. Can you explain to me a little bit of what goes on behind the scenes? That's not really. You guys got picked up though.

You guys, this is what pretty fucking amazing about your show what you're your Benders okay, that's your show. Yeah, right right and the other one's your show, too But this is fucking yours Well, it's you know what I'm saying You guys they picked you up and fucking gave you 10 episodes out of the gate right we didn't shoot a pilot this time No, yeah, there's no pile is it. Eight episodes. Is it eight? Eight episodes. Is that, I mean, that must have made you feel fucking like, wow.

It was great. Dude, I didn't even know you two. I didn't know any of these people. I was in Los Angeles shooting some commercials and I was sick as hell. I had the flu. And I was scrolling through Twitter. And I saw Dennis Leary produce show or a possible produce show gets eight episode order.

And my mouth flew open. I was like, are you shitting me? What produced show gets eight episode order and I'm my mouth flew open I was like are you shitting me what show gets an eight episode order now? That's a huge deal like the amount of trust that a network is showing. Let's say you shit. Yeah, it's a huge thing And then I open magical and it said there I say magical you have to change a Twitter that magic March I open up the link and it says hockey show and I like my feverish hallucinating ass calls my manager Immediately, I'm like get me in that room. I'll figure out a way Just get me in the room. I just wanted to do a hockey show and then I fell asleep And I don't remember it and she called me she said you got an audition and I was stoked

I could blown away so wait you asked for the audition. Oh, baked. That's funny because Lindsay also asked for the audition She heard about it from Nora Zettner who played Mark Marens first girlfriend and Marin, right? And she, so she called her and Lindsay called in as for the audition as well. Oh my god. I was like, do any, I'm like, I know I don't fit any of the specs. I don't care. Just get me in the room and I'll do my best and I'll figure it out. Wow. I remember what I thought. That's cool. Lindsay plays Karen, my wife, to anybody who's listening, trying to put it together. Lindsay brood. Yeah, she's very, she looks like Marissa Twome.

A little bit. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, she got to put her hands on Channing Tatum in 2022 Jump Street. I like that. Lucky bitch. Who wants to tome? I love Marissa Twome.

Oh, you're talking about Channing Tatum. You're doing lesbian stuff over there, Lauren. Yeah, I think she had him Tatum. Fucking Tatum. You like him? That's my guy. That's my go-to. If I can have one, it'dning Tatum. He's doing lesbian stuff over there, Lauren. Yeah, I thought you had him Tatum. Fucking Tatum. You like him? That's my guy. That's my go-to. If I can have one, it'd be Tatum.

Really? 100%? Really? You're not gonna be Tatum? The fuck is wrong with you? I'm not into him either. Me neither. Tatum and Morse Chestnut.

He's about a little downy face. He does have downed. I've said that before. Yeah, he's a little downy. I don't think so. All right, let's go around the room. Who's your go-to guy? I got a weird story.

No, no, no. Somebody made me pick one. Little I let's go around the room who's your go-to guy? I Get a weird story Somebody made me pick one somebody made me pick one like who's your gay question? I was like all right, let's do it to a real gay person right after Neil Patrick Harris came out So we're gonna to bar four days after I set it out loud this fucker comes in and sits as far from you to me In front in my bar, so I'm like now I got a fuck I'm I have to fuck Neil Patrick Harris New Patrick Harris very talented very you could have any dudes dick in your ass and it's Neil Patrick I thought I had to pick a gay dude so I pick Neil Patrick. Oh, I thought we're getting fucked. Oh no I'm fucking it changes everything hold on hold on hold on we're doing the fucking Chris Scopo with that a doubt that You fucking kidding me I had cushion. I Tom who do you got?

I know his name. He's a fucking grip on sex That's right I was gonna tell the story I'll tell the story. I'll tell the story. Maybe that's the leading every time we call Tom. No, I'll tell the story. And this goes back by the way to casting, because I do a lot of casting.

So I think people walk in. I can tell it's a good looking guy who's not or whatever. I'm gonna drink this right now. Yeah, I'm gonna drink this right now. Can I get a, can I get a color green? I want to pretend it's fucking out of the hall. So I come back from Chicago, and I go to Sex and Drugs to be back. Can I get a, can I get a color green? I want to pretend it's fucking out of the hall. So I come back from Chicago and I go to sex and drugs to the set. He's on a set for the first day.

We're already shooting for like day. But I didn't know everybody there. But we're there for two months already shooting every single day. I was in Chicago doing a show there. So I was walking out to the set and it was the beginning of the day. This guy comes in. He's well dressed. Good looking guy.

I thought he was like an actor of some sort or whatever so it was really well-dressed could you describe the outfit what the job ended up being you did not know what the job was so described well-dressed. He looked like he was dressed like to be in a scene, that if we were gonna have a scene, it was gonna be in a scene. Like what kind of scene? In a studio, whatever the fuck we was seeing in a studio. Like a man in a studio, who was that jerked off?

He could have been playing a regular love scene. Like a romantic love scene? It was like a magic mark guest, no scene. Like two guys in a canoe scene. So it looked like he could have been like one of our recording studio scenes or whatever. He was dressed, you know, whatever. So anyway, so we both kind of bump into each other as we go.

It was like Christmas. Yeah, it was. We both bumped into each other. We both bumped into each other to go into the doorways and to get into the studio. And we're like, oh, sorry, I'm like, hey, I'm Tommy. He's like, whatever, his name was Balant. Yeah, so Balant.

So Balant. So Balant. So I said, he says what you do on the show. I said, I'm one of the producers. I said, what do you do? And he says, I'm a grip, which if you know most grips on set, they pretty much have really looked like teamsters. They look like construction guys, they look like Bobby.

So I, so listen, off the top of my head, the first thing I think, because I'm thinking these, and I'm like, you're a good looking grip. And this is what I say to him, and he looked at me, and I could see it in his eyes where it was like, what the fuck did you just say? Where I take over. So I, well first I ran to CERPICO,

and I'm like, dude, I just walked up to this guy and told him he was a good looking grip. So the guy just looks at Tom and he's like, he doesn't even say anything. He goes, and he walks away. Like a Labrador retriever, here's a weird noise. So he comes up to me, he tells me his story,

and then I immediately go to the key grip, who worked on our show, Bob, Juanjo. Oh, yeah, Bob grip. And I'm like, you're not going to believe it our show Bob Yeah, I'm sure. Oh, yeah Bob grip and I'm like you're not gonna believe it. He's like what that's a letty just hit on Look and he comes up and he goes what's the deal with that producer? Is he gay? You guys hope that for yeah, what happened just Yeah, what happened? Yeah, what happened? Just where's the take-good?

There's the take-good. Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good?

Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good?

Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-good? Where's the take-, I think we sent it to you. It's the fucking, it was the bad thing. Let me see, you guys got a picture of him.

He's fine. No, he is fine. I think I did a grip. For a grip. For a grip, he is fine. My kids love that story. They walk around now saying, good looking. The worst part was as it came out of my mouth,

I was like, what the fuck is? Wait till it goes in your mouth. No. He's a fucking big grip mouth He's a fucking big grip All right, so who you fucking Jim? Good who's your guy probably Joe Deroza really he charms me That's all I'm saying. All right.

Lauren, wait a minute. Lauren, who's your guy? Marky Wahlberg. Really? Like, funky bunch, Marky Wahlberg. Down in the line. When he was beaten up people. I got excited.

Wait, you have to pick a chick. Oh. Yeah. You can't pick a guy. Angelina Jolie hands down. Really? Okay. Not current Angelina. You mean like, girl and Tarabda and Angelina Jolie. okay not current Angelina with the you mean like girl interrupted

Or pushing 10 Angelina's Andrew yeah, she had breast cancer, but she's still got no titties. I mean that got him put it back She got no, she didn't have cancer. She had a very high risk I'm I'm out of box too right? You know what I did right? You know what I'm being serious. I was trying to joke around. I can't say that you should anymore.

I have it in a museum fucking flash. Like what you got? Like a pay-proof baseball. I bought it in an auction. He's got a like I patrises hat. I do have it. I have that too. Okay so. So you're... Chris said his well no, but I got I have to

Oh, yeah, I have no, I've chanting Tatum. It's specifically 22 jump street or Fox capture I like just looking at no, but more Chesa five I threw that in to be racially diverse But the third one and probably the most go to it's gonna be weird is John Favreau. Okay. Favreau, I like it. I do. I do. I'm not a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool.

I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool.

I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a fool. I'm a I think I'm from New York. He's like a guy could bring home to my dad Yeah, right

Hang on was there before I forgot I forgot I had to do these fucking ads They've got make that fucking money Guys take it this we're gonna take a break real quick So give us 10 minutes. We'll get back into it. We're going to go back. Andrew's fucking love pick. Go to Marx. We got deep booze. We got mine. We're going to talk more about benders. We're going to talk more about the Hoboken Comedy Festival. Everybody in the chat room. So I have for Burp and stay in there. We'll be back soon. listen and live. It'll be two seconds. Deep are you ready? Yeah, let's go. All right, here we go. We're back and you got that on the thing. All right, check this out. What's up,

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Use that code, okay, and you get 50 bucks off your mattress. That's if you keep it, you still get the 100 nights. 50 bucks off, use the code word, dude. That's dude for 50 bucks off your mattress at Casper.com, guys. Go to Casper.com right now and use the code word dude. And enjoy the rest of the days of summer. ["Summer is Golden, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now,, fantasy football is even bigger than football now. People are getting crazy with it, crazy. Fucking huge. It's fucking huge.

Unbelievable. Where are you going, Mark? I'm not going anywhere. There's a wire around my chair. A lie? A wire, he said. A wire. I feel like I'm so excited about football in terms of things.

Do you like football? Yeah. Are you a football fan? I will check this. You see the long fantasy football team may be going strong strong but you don't have to wait until weeks 16 anymore. Why? You don't have to wait till the end. Dude, you know why? You get paid right now. How much? I'm gonna tell you millions. Holy shit. Millions. You can put your fantasy skills to the test every week at DraftKings.com Christopher. Bucking millions of dollars. You know why?

Because it's American, American's favorite one. Vanishing football site. You don't want meat, we don't want meat beans. What does one week mean? No. Seasonal and commitment. Exactly. For $3, folks, I got this entry $3 for this Sunday.

Yep. I could win $2 million off the fucking lineup that I have is Stellar. What's your lineup? I have a second to read it out. Please? You guys want to win it. If you're out there listening, stellar what you're lineup. I have second to read it out. You guys want to win if you're out there listening. This is the winning lineup. We can split the two million.

There we go. Quarterback Matt Ryan. Bam. Running back for take. Boom. Wide receiver. Beasley. Wow.

Wide another wide receiver. AJ Green. Oh shit. Tydanne Robgrin-Kowski. His AJ Green is from Cincinnati. Cincinnati. The defense. You want the dolphins. Also for a flex pick, I want you to go with four set.

Here's the thing and here's the deal. Let me take a step. Don't spend those winnings. You got an injury player though this week, right? And it doesn't work out. See those pitch don't work out. Somebody gets it. Yeah, he had a Reggie Bush like I did last week.

He gets injured. Boom. No problem because it's a new season every day. Started it over. You're never stuck with the same play as Chris the first. Never fucking stuff. All right. And get this. Draft Kings is crowning a new millionaire every week this season. Draft Kings. Fucked Fandall. Holy shits. You could don't ever say that because they might be responsible to it. Oh yeah. I'm kidding. Fuck them for now. Listen, you can turn your love for football into a life-changing payday. That'd be life-changing. If you want a million bucks, would that be life-changing?

You kidding me? My entire life would change. Yeah, especially. I mean, you show on AFC. They don't want that much. Bullets. Bullets. I would get this whole studio and hire the hottest grips you could ever imagine in my life. I'm a fucking celebrity. I just have a coming over. It's a lady could feed a cherries. With that line up, there will be no hot grip. Y'all pay. Oh. He obviously played soccer.

Hi. Hey. You pick, this is how you get it. Sorry Mark. Go ahead. Just pick your players. Oh shit. You're right, dude.

Oh, he's so mad. I just, listen, shit. This is me. Do you all right, dude? Oh, he's so bad. I just listen, just pick your players, the world's top whatever. Pile up the points and pick up the cash, that's it. Believe me, you never experienced football like this before. This isn't fantasy as usual. All right, this is Draft Kings.

Welcome to the big times, if you guys have listened to this, hurry up to DraftKings.com now. Use promo code, Kelly. Kelly. KELA Y. Not after Kelly for Stings.com now. Use promo code, Kelly. Kelly. KELOLY. Not after Kelly for Stuka. No. We got an upgrade with Lauren. Enter Kelly. Oh my God. I like Kelly for Stuka though. I did too, but I love Lauren. Listen, she's married. Which ruins everything. Two and I like her husband too. To play for free. Enter Kelly for your shot at the one million dollars in this week's millionaire maker event. Enter Kelly for free entry only at draft Kings dot com. That's

draft Kings dot com. Draft Kings dot com. The best the fucking best and you can do any sport. Not just NFL. It just has to be NFL. You can do any sport Yeah, hockey. Yeah, hockey. Yeah Here we go. Here we go. Here's what you do We get you guys draft King Sponsors for your shows perfect benders is the Facial I mean seriously. Yeah, this is the only hockey show out there right now. They really is right the only hockey and the only hockey movies I could ever think of off Tomahead are these are slap shot Miracle miracle miracle and mystery Alaska and good Goon and mighty mighty That's five

Starved demographic content star, you know, you know, you hear something I want to promote real quick before you guys fucking fucking lose it My friend very close friend of mine has a Movie coming out, The Dog Wedding. It's a comedy starring the wrestler Matt Bloom. It opens on Monday, September 21st at 7 p.m. in Boston, at the AMC Lowell's theater at Boston Common. All those-

Is that Lowell's? Lowell's. Like Lowell's, like the town in Massachusetts, or Lowell's the Americans- Lowell's, like with Internet trolls, Lowell's. Lowell's? Yeah. This is the one I didn't want you to film that. It's from the town in Massachusetts or Lowe's the Americans. Or Lowe's like with the internet trolls like to do things for. Yeah, this is the one I didn't want you to touch. I'm in.

Oh, sorry. I. I let you really go off on the other one. Yeah, let me drink whiskey. I was trying to tuck you out on this one. No kidding.

No, you can get it. All proceeds go various foundations, which means in his pocket. No, I'm kidding. They go to various foundations. So listen Here's the thing go on September Monday September 21st 7 p.m. Get your tickets Boston AMC Lowell's theater at the common

I still don't understand. Is it L.O. is it L.O.? Yeah, is it low? No, it's not. Lowell's is the other low-match two spell is low. Is it the town of the field? Lowell's. Hello, you're fucking in L.O.E. Spellis. Is it the town or the field? Spellis. Hello. Spellis.

You're fucking in. L-O-E-W-S. Low. Low. You're saying low. You're saying low. Low. You're saying low.

You're saying low. Low. You're saying low. Low. Low. You're saying low. Like from low mass, it's like we're going to start again. So let's keep the fucking talking over.

We're going to start again. So let's keep the fucking talking over. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start again. We're going to start is kicking in now, which is fantastic. I love it. All right. So, anyway, I want to talk about this happened today in the news, which is fucking nuts. And it has to do with, you know, you were saying that stuff, Andrew, are you all right? Yeah. About Andrew, Andrew, and you say, oh, is that bad to say you're joking around, of course. You're fucking trying to get something funny, but you never know what's.

Oh, that's actually serious. Well, that's not how you say. No, I know that's not how you say it. Like if you're a doctor or a scientist. Yeah, you know, we're gonna take your box out. Yeah. You can use me. They probably don't speak like that, whatever.

But I'm sure there's another way to say it. Maybe if we can remove your pussy Whatever Historic Historic to me and that's not even moving your pussy. That's removing you're gonna see You can't be a giant at okay. What about a scoop scoop that's called. Yeah, what's the fun? What do we have to show back alley aboard the fuck is one of my 19 the fuck is a scoop scoop. All right, my

bad. So I was worried about what was I what was I what what I'm saying is is that you you have a show now and as a comic. Yeah, I mean, you know, we we go on stage all the time. Every now we don't have to fuck we say you guys

are on a show now. This show is going to be a fucking huge hit. Now you guys are going on stage. You're going on podcasts. This is a real source of anxiety for me. I just want to look at you. I mean, I already feel this like in life, it's a huge source of anxiety. Well, you have a responsibility now, not just to you, but to everybody involved in this show. You say something like scoop scoop and people get offended. You could, I mean, that could,

especially with your amount of exposure on Twitter, like the guy from the league today. This was in the news. Sure, for you. What was his next? Actually, Celetti told me about it today. You, what, what happens? Steve, Ren is easy.

Ren is easy to what happened. Fixed point. He said he was in one of the towers. It was, I guess it was a story he told on Marren's podcast in 2009. Said he was in one of the towers and escaped. Yep. And someone confronted him with the evidence that he wasn't there.

He was actually in Midtown. So he had to go to him today. I mean, that's close. Yeah, I mean, you're on the team. I mean, I don't, I don't have a problem with it. I mean, he's fucked though. I ain't about it. Yeah, I don't, I don't know.

That's kind of horseshit. I mean, that's a rough one to walk away from. I mean, honestly, because look, here's the if he used it to advance his career. He did. It did. He though. Yeah. Yeah. He read a pilot based on it. Did he? Is he getting any financing? He got a lot of heat off of that. I'm gonna get chosen today. Hang on a second before you. I mean, I asked a question. But let him explain it. Okay. You're just fucking yapping over. Like he talked about that a lot. And because he was talking about that, people were rooting for him. Oh, so I got a a problem and he actually said it in some of them like I'm not trying to cash in on my experiences here

All right, then I got I thought it just was said once and then it because I never knew it's about I just know him as the guy from Buffalo Wild Wanks, but here's a deal not anymore Andrew they're redefining or reconsidering the relationship and all that so it's kind of essential I mean this dude's in big trouble right and it's that feeling of like I said something stupid in one one because that's what he said in his apologies like it was the it was the action of an immature kid and I get that I get that we've all made mistakes and said stupid shit but the problem is that over the years in between then and now he has repeatedly given like these earnest interviews about how traumatic it was for him and all that shit And it's the same like the Brian Williams thing

This is a respected journalist that sort of fell from grace because he wasn't honest and it's and when you when it comes to 9-11 in this city It's like Whether you agree with it or not. How could you be okay with it if he said it even jokingly not jokingly If he said it for real like I but lied and said I was in the building, how would you be okay with that? Because that's fucking sociopathic shit. If you make up a lie about something like that crazy and that defining in American history and in our lives.

I was here dog. My brother saw people jump out the building and hit the ground. I was here too. You know what I mean? But it was, it's, but how could you accept that? Why would that be okay? Because what I got from the story was that he was trying to say this was a motivating factor for him chasing his dreams.

I didn't see it just from what I've read. Again, you guys know more about it than me. So I didn't realize he was milking this for fame and exposure. I thought he was making a whole cloth fabrication. Sure, sure, sure, sure. But the same, you know, the same goes for like the Brian Williams thing. The way I interpret what he said was, God, it's really dangerous out here for these troops.

And if this could happen to me, imagine what they go through on a daily basis. Now granted, he got some shine off of it off of these lies that he's saying. But if the story is to showcase the bravery of what these guys have to go through every single day, I don't really care that much about the lie. Now, if he's milking it for his career and to be some kind of like, I don't know, I'm not a martyr, but like I'm an example what you should do anyway. But I'm an example what you do and like you should have pity for me because of these situations and he's writing a story about it and he's getting a lot of juice off of it. And then it turns out to be a lie. And that's completely wrong. I don't like lies. I don't fucking like lying at all. But especially for something like that, even if it was to, I don't like lies. I don't fucking like lying at all But not even especially for something like that even if it was to you don't need to lie

Yeah, you know, it's not helping anybody. I'm not defending him at all because it's fucked up that he lied But like Jim let me ask like as an industry guy I mean do you think like that sympathy got him cast on the league? I mean, you know like were they saying over there like oh shit, you know like this guy We feel bad from boom put them on like I don't know if it was a simple and black and white Is that but I think it helped and get some roles and had people look at him a certain way I certainly wouldn't watch the league now because I'd watch bender In the building listen I'm making this show pop off October first And it was actually in the building. Listen, I'm making this show pop up.

October 1st. You were actually in the... I was there when the Berlin Wall was... Whatever they did with it. I don't know exactly what they did with it. I was there at the first pussy that was taken out. I was there and everything. When they did polio, who was their salty?

Jonas, Jonas Salton. What was your name? In Pearl Harbor, too, right? Listen, I was the dude that was like, yo, they're coming. Get off the boat. Paul Revere shit. It's December 6th.

You all were not taking the seat. You all was my neighbor. I gave him the candle. Paul Revere from Lowell, Massachusetts. No, but it's honest to God though, that that show is coming off. If that show is in his last season, there is a, I mean, it's coming all the Sunday.

It's his last season. Always sunny. It's coming off too, right? Yeah. Now, I mean, there is a common always Sunday. It's last season. Always sunny. Yeah. It's coming off to right. Yeah. Now I mean there is a fucking opening. There's an opening for this this type of show. We just got to get the word out right now. We got to tell people what channel. Tell people right to fuck now. It's on IFC and if you have optimum, I don't know where it is. Search it, it's like 81-82. Search it, we don't know what it is. It's coming on, it's 182. It's in the 80s, that's not the high-deaf version though, right? No, that is, that is. If you have to risk it out, we're sound horrible.

Just go, type in I.C. Type in. Fuglish in your DVS. Yeah, I don't know a channelist, but listen to that. Why do you become more black wrapper as you drink more? It's the Hennessy Dog. No, that's actually- Oh, that's James.

Yeah, that's James' dog. What is dog? What the fuck is that? Hennessy Dog. What's close? Is that what he does? That was a just a question. That's a hard one.

It's the Hennessy Dog. That Henny hits your system. I want to know about this. Who's your guy, brother? Oh, yeah. Who's your guy? And I know it's going to be hot because your tall glass of water. Oh, Chris Copo, that's it.

How would he have to fuck you? If I had to get fucked? Yup. It's gotta be a celebrity. And it's gotta be a celebrity. Yeah, that's what we're doing. Yeah, you're right. I've been going to fuck Tom if it was just regular, guys.

You were just, you were just manicured. We're gonna go back as the grips knocked. You know who I was fucking who was in a wave had to fuck me? Yeah. Cosby. Really? Because you sleep you wake up and you go. So you don't even feel it. Really?

You just wake up with just jizz on your phone. I don't want to sit there and get pounded and have some dude talking to me. Archit, archit, shults. I don't want to hear that. Grabbing my hair and stuff. Get out of here. I want to be out.

Passing it up. Yeah, rape me. Because if I get raped, I can be like, I didn't want it, dog. I don't want to be there for the whole thing. Like, come already. But he keeps seeing dogs. Man, I'm saying, you never hang out with black people growing up.

Yeah, but you're not a dog. I'm a boss. I'm a boss hung out with him. There's just no, it's from boss. I know, I know. I'm a train track. The train track. The train track is my best friend.

That's the best thing you know. He's probably one of my best friends. That's the first thing the people say that they don't have minorities It's like you don't like black people. It's like my nanny's black. Can I take a real quick story about that So I'm the first the reason I moved out of the city. I got no fight the night I brought the child home from the hospital I was just fucking devastatedly tired I'm outside with the two dogs and I'm it's like two in the morning Nobody's out. I'm out side with the two dogs and I'm like two in the morning. Nobody's out. I'm fucking tired. And all of a sudden this fucking black dude, sure, it was almost dude.

Walk kicks my dog. I'm on the phone with my mom. Tell her, you know how tired I am and how great the kicks my dog. I'm like, what the fuck? He goes, you'll watch your dog. What the fuck? I mean, nose to nose. Holy shit. You mother fucker. And he's like, you'll watch your fuck. I'm like, you watch my fuck. What the fuck you mean nose to nose? Holy shit. You motherfucker. And he's like, yo, watch your fucking.

I'm like, you watch my fight. You fucking kick my fucking dogs. I'm fucking murder you. Right the fuck. I'm gonna bash your fucking stall. And he's like, motherfucker, you. I'm like, fuck you. Let's do this.

Right? And then he goes, you don't like black people. I went, what? I went, no, I have black friends. I got, I said, Keith I got a key to RR He's starting to treat, he's passed away He's going to be his guys He be fucking you don't like black people

I like black people You were like sure I do dog You just don't have an iTunes account So you don't know who my friends are But they're very funny Fuck it as all I am Fuck it bitch me out with some fucking weird shit. Then I felt on my shoulder my Polish super goes,

she's this woman with a grip like Babe Rusega's bum, but you don't want to do this. Just drag me back in with the house. Who's your guy, Markey Baby? Eddie Isard. Oh, you're gay. I mean, maybe. Or Matt Bommer. Like, you just have one. Who's Matt Bommer? Matt Bommer is the dude from suits. Oh, you're gay. I mean, maybe. Or Matt Bommer.

Like, you just have a one. Who's Matt Bommer? Matt Bommer is the dude from Suits. No, Suits. No, white collar. White collar, wait a minute. White collar. White collar.

He's actually gay. He is gay. And I didn't know he was gay. No, I know. And the stripper one from the stripper movie? Yes, yes, yes. And my wife found out he was gay and it was like a sad moment for her. I never felt happier my life

Good time with her, yeah, and she like bites her fingernails. She's like, oh he's he I love Can I say something though? Did you ever see a guy and I love gay people have nothing against me You know when a guy you thought is not gay and you found his gay? Oh fuck you like like a dude dude to me like you want I'm having spacey was the biggest surprise. I'm you know Kevin nobody I know idea Kevin's face is gay. Yeah, I swear to God. I didn't know that really But no, but he's like not open about it. Hey, if you went to NYU when my friends went to NYU He was pretty open about it back then. I really don't know

I didn't say that that wasn't me coming. I didn't know Rick chroma's gay. I don't know that I didn't he's gay Somebody told me my shorts and gay to I didn't know that no, I'm not gonna fuck it. I don't know that I didn't he's gay somebody told me my forced to get to know that no fucking I could talk about that. Yeah, he's a he's crazy. He's out in closeted the fuck I thought that was public I thought it was a public shit. I don't know

I thought that I thought that I thought that I thought that I thought that I thought that somebody told me I don't know I don't know I thought that was a one that I keep going let him keep going. No dude. I thought that was was a public I thought it was like this is not public I don't know I didn't know I'm sorry all right well so your guys the guys from suit which I agree with he's hot deep who's your guy? So your guys the guys from suit which I agree with he's hot deep who's your guy?

Um, Aziz I'm sorry. Okay, you hack I I stay within the clan. I don't know what to do. No dude. You gotta go out. You don't want that. That's how I am with white people Are you ready? You know what mine is? Who I'd fuck or be fucked you licks your lips before you believe you the whole reason he brought this up he didn't give a fuck about any brother so he could sell us a whiz bring it let's go I

think I know who it is you date who is it Jim sir John Corbin I was no fuck no I wouldn't bang for it he'd bang you I wouldn't like I don't he's not my type

that's a thing he's doing tall and Bobby flay no Bobby's the cook I don't like redheads I watch the female war reggaard type. That's a thing. He's doing tall and... Bobby Flay. No. Bobby's the cook. I don't like redheads. I watched the female war reggaon. Battle Grills.

Now that accent... I literally want to kill myself. Okay. Hello, Bobi. Get a knife here. Put it in your bum bum. Cut off. What do you think?

If I had to get... Who... My guy. What's a genre, those in actor? Is it a comedian? I'll say actor black guy No dog Surprise yours guy would be fucking Paulie Shore what I don't know you know what I do what do you mean?

I don't know your type and guys. I just thought the weasel. Yeah, I don't know we're going on school very medicine We already said yours. Yeah, what do you think I was gonna say Corbid actually? No, we are not under the capriot. No, fuck yeah, it's someone with good head ready. Yeah, you read it You want to tell me? Oh, do you think right? No idea. Who you think brother? I don't know enough really? You got to take a stab. I didn't know enough. Hey take a step nearer. I'm not John Favreau That's my guy. That's his I'm sorry Yeah, I did I did

I Know fucking Ryan Reynolds Okay, I'm hot. He funny fucking badass in shape can be ripped fucking ripped He's Deadpool. Oh, he was in fucking my best friend. Yeah great teeth. It's amazing. Oh my god I don't think those are his teeth though. Who gives shit? He's ever seen his abs in that movie waiting. Those are Lawrence boobs. What about us? Safe house. Safe house. Safe house.

Play two. No, don't. He's Canadian. Is that a thing or no? You're okay with the Canadian thing? Love better because now we get to go vacation and then go. Oh, all right. BSC. BSC, baby. Get national health insurance. We go to Victoria for high tea.

There you go. Yeah. Nice. Nice. I do. I love it. A lot of respect for how well you thought that out. I know.

No, it's not. I think about it all the time. Ryan. I was actually did the Jimmy Jimmy Kimmel show. I did it one time. He's on with Vanessa Williams and him. And I come out and I go I said something like oh my god you're beautiful and they were like thought I was

trying to know Ryan Ryan I was like and I sat next to him I was like I wanted to talk you know me with celebrities I'm the fucking worst the worst I suck at it I shouldn't be allowed to talk though I shouldn't when I see them I should walk away who is the guy comics him home last year? Captain America? Oh, fucking Chris Evans. Oh, I'm gorgeous. He was there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's there with, I'm talking. How do you know his mother? I don't even know his there. I'm in the back. I'm fucking talking to his mom. Me and his mom are yapping like we've been best friends for 20 years.

He's not, I'm cracking her up. Because I'm from Memphis. She's from Somerville. We used to fight nice to get my ass kicked off. He's next, this kid's next to me with a beard and a hat laughing his ass up. Taping me. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm, as I'm talking to him and making laugh, I look over. I'm like, that's fucking Captain America. Oh my god, that's fucking camera. You, you know, me. Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, oh my god. We start, I bring in

it with fucking photos. I got a photo. Dude, it's the best. He's always a little guy. He's a little dude. Little dude. He's like, fucking Tom. Right? Well, Tom is shredded if he takes a shirt. Tom shakes your hand. It's like someone handed you a shoe.

No, no, no, no. I'm not saying Tom. I'm not saying Tom small, but you think Captain America would be. But he's nice. He's just a regular sized guy. That's true. If fucking unbelievable, hanging out, then he goes, bro, you mind if I, if I get your number? I go fight and I'm, I mean, I'm like,

in my side I'm literally, my voice is gonna go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, fucking no problem. But I give him a number blah, blah, blah, he'll leave, I'll see you later, Chris, bye, bye, boom, bang, right? We're walking out, he texts me, hey, it's Evans, right? I'm back at the hotel with Serpico and everybody. I'm like dude, you kept it in my mouth, he texted me. No, I's Evans, right? I'm back in the hotel with Serpico and everybody.

I'm like, dude, you kept it in the mirror, you texted me. I'm like, what do I do? He's like, don't fucking, you do not text back. I go, I do, fuck that. I got a text back. He goes, Bobby, you don't text back. Wait a couple of days.

I'm like, buddy, I'm a guy, he's a guy. I don't wanna, he's like, I do what you want, but I wouldn't text back. I'd wait. I'd fucking wait. I'm like, I got nervous. A text back. Nice. I still I wrote back a nice meeting. Put you. God. You never wrote back. He doesn't need a response. That's okay. He was just establishing contact with you. He's like, this is my number. This is a year later. it's a year later, man a year later. No, no

Now he'll answer you all bet So it's just take some you and a little Do you really think you think he'll text back really? I think he'll text back I don't think he I think that he made a great impression on him. I think they had a good time. You got money on you? Yeah, I got money. I'm I still have the taxes right look at it. It's right there. Okay. Let's text them This is Evans We got we got around 15 minutes America or I have a Chris

So if there's only fit all right who's in who's in I'm not betting when we I got kids. I don't think he's doing I'm in I'm in you're gonna Text him back 15 minutes to the end of the podcast. What time is it? Okay? Well, I want I don't think it's 10 minutes 10 minutes I'm in on I want Guys don't talk over each other because you can't hear 15 minutes go. Go ahead. What do you got what I'm saying that he will text you back I just don't know if it'll be in 15 minutes. I don't think it happens on the show. I think it happens. Yes. Thank you That's what I'm saying. Yes. I think that all the listeners should tune in next week to see if he takes a dream Look at that. Look at this. How much you got 20 bucks says he takes you back nothing. Nothing. I can't I spent all my money on draft

Three dollars you got 20. I got 20. I get I get 20 it never happens No, come on, I gotta I gotta pay you and Andrew next week I Hey wait now. I what's the text I'm nervous again. This is what you're gonna text him. All right, what is it? Okay? There has to be something about the money involved. I'm not writing dog. No, don't tell don't ask some Don't text some dog. Yeah, text them a picture no joke text just text them a dick, but not your dick It's just any Stop it just listen use text on the black dick just text him a black dick and then immediately after you go you go dog Text how you doing Evans guarantee response if you don't get it was barely respond

fucking doing that and you would have a risk is funny what do you do with the answer is funny nice meeting you with that is very funny no just a text a picture of all of us now right here being like hey dude just we were just talking about you know that's that's a pretty real what do you think sir I like Andrew's idea man That's a pretty real What do you think sir? I

Like Andrews idea God I go look at the conquer the you look at me. Yeah, look at me. That's not all right All right, look at me. What do you think you want the real? No, I was betting against this happening Yeah, he doesn't want to text you back. You want he's gonna ruin me. What do you think? I would say hey man? It's been a while Let's catch up Do I have to sing it like that? Don't know that's it. That means you're trying to fly you don't even know the guy you're not catching up You got a fuck up you send

Dental hey, man, I like I'm looking to talk to your mother no Here's what I'm texting hey talk to your mother. No, no, no, I'm not crazy. Here's your I'm texting. Hey, what's up, everybody? It's Robert Kelly. I met you last year at Comics. Come on. Too long. Just checking too long. No, it's not too long. Hey, Bob, I got a boss. Just go eat. What is it? What about this? What about if you say, Hey, if you say I'm going to comics come home is coming up again, you're going to be there again this year. Hope to see it. Even though you're not going to be there. hope no Maybe help but maybe he'll respond not gonna be there this year or You're fucking agenda But my friend Chris the final is gonna be yeah, yeah, no fucking turn it him over to him

I need all the way better look at younger better than his hair I'll give you don't have up, you give me Evans. I'm not giving, don't even fuck with Ryan Reynolds. Oh, no, sorry, but. Do you know, at Comic Con, I was fucking chasing Ranera. What's wrong? I literally had the fucking FX, he was trying to hold my gun.

I was like, can you please just hook up a meeting with us? Dude, I just want to, I got, we were on the thing together, I got a story. That's why Evans never rolled back, so I'm talking about it. How about this, and then, Bob, Bob, kind of volley downstairs. He's doing, Ray Romano. I walk up, I'm like about this. And Bob, Bob kind of volley downstairs. He's doing it. Ray Romano. I walk up.

I'm like, hey, Ray Romano's like, dude, I love you on the show. Bob is like, hey, how you doing? I go, hey, I follow you on Instagram. It was like, all right. I said, there I go. I'm fucking Seth, Seth McFarlane. I've had that. Comic-Con.

Walking by me. Walking by me with people on to rush I'm sitting there talking to somebody. I literally he walked by here's the like one two three now you don't say high Distance right? And then I run over I grab his shoulder and then I go don't grab and I pushed And then I go he goes hey,, and I push. And then I go, he goes, hey, I go, you look just like my drum teacher. He went, well, if that's not a conversation stop,

or I don't know what. I suck with him. Oh, my God. Here I go, this is what I'm, this is what I'm, this is what I'm, this is what I'm, I'm telling you, if there's anything that you've meant to thank some of the stock that will work out, what Chris said will get you a response,

but that will be the last time you ever talk in your life. It's about if you sent him that dick. If you sent him that dick, I promise you. I promise you. If you send him that dick. I'm screaming the mic's work. You like fucking slob. I'm getting really passionate about this.

If you send him that dick, I will do whatever I can to get you and him in the same room together in a hotel. Whoa. I am being rang red Whoa. Ryan Reynolds? Ryan fucking Reynolds in you. Whatever I can with my fame as my career progresses, and I promise that I'll be the same. I want Tom with his grip, too.

I want to add that. You should ask him if he can give you Ryan Reynolds number. What the crap? Did you ever text the grip? This one would text this. This is gonna be good. I'm gonna text this. Last Captain America rock him on great

You got it's like a girl he's not used to this you gotta send them some shit that he's not used to he everybody texts him This goofy. Yeah, good meeting it. No, no, I picture of my shit with it looks like a smiley face. Oh Talking no, let's go Send it say hey, this is what a hysterectomy looks like send that shit Wait, what are you are you backing down now Jim? No, but I would like to got a tag I would love to lose the 20 bucks. What do you think I should write Jim? I'm going with whatever you say I would say her God if you say I like the idea that comic come home Yeah, yeah, never talk to him again You're gonna pull right back and then he will change your name The bed is just a response I would say exactly this man. Hey bro comics come home coming up

I can't make it but Chris D is funny than me. Hope you can make it there go. I would appreciate it. I'll get I'll get a text back on you were wrong Can I say one thing before you send it? Yes, this is what's gonna happen. He's gonna look at his phone and Only that is gonna come up you have that much room to get him to answer about this how about a photo of him just going like To get him to answer about this how about a photo of him just going like I like any photo that has no explanation and then a response right after dude wrong number It's from the birth hope you're doing alright It's funny if you just send a picture of your face too like how you know you like just in case you don't remember It's me Bro it's Rob K. Don't stop you don't try to make yourself cool now

It's Rob K you shouldn't be me I like it I like it what is now It's wrong. Okay, you shouldn't be mean What is it? Someone else stop yelling I want you to fuck up stop yelling I'm passionate. I don't know you're annoying. I'm alright Shut the fuck up. I like that. What is it? Throw him the bird and say it was meant for someone else. Sorry, dude Yeah throw the bird and say it was meant for someone else. Sorry, dude. Yeah. That works. Let's hear what you're with that. I'm with that. You're with that. That's what the dick is.

You know, Bobby. You know, I do love it. You know, I do love it. He's definitely going to know who, every member of you and know who you are. Unless he got a new phone, then you might just get a who is this. But you're a comic. So he'll know that it's a joke.

All right. You want me to take a picture? I still think mentioned in comics, come home is the best thing you can do to get a response. That's what I think. There you go. Yeah. Nice.

Don't mind. Rob. Don't write Rob K. It sounds like you're really. Yeah. Yeah. Should I smile? Should I smile?

No, no. No, Mike. Mike. Thank you. Headphones on. Do it like. Yeah, dude. Why do I look like I'm going to kill him because he's not used to that

Everything that he gets in his entire life Dude I have Bailey in the background over your shoulder But Bailey in the background just take a picture of your face with the headphones and captain it. Yep It doesn't even look like you. Yeah. Yeah, you got to have your face face visible move the hand so that your face isn't gonna be because that picture Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, in that picture. That's a maze. Caption that picture with Crackle beans. Crackle beans. Crackle beans. So worried for something about Mary. That, let me see.

Took off Crackle beans. I'm going to be in Providence, Rhode Island. How'd you get the beans on the break? Oh, you guys are fucking stupid. You laugh at that. He would laugh at that. Evans would laugh at that. Ready?

There you go. Right. Okay, I at that. Ready? There you go. Right. OK. OK, I'm starting. I'm texting Lindsay. Who's Lindsay? Lindsay's the girl in the show. She just randomly texted me that Steve run as easy and heard.

That was the first pilot she ever did. And he told her that story. Really? Yeah, girl. Isn't that crazy? So he said it to her? He's been telling everybody for 10 years. Yeah, I didn't know that that was a case.

I retract my arrest. Really quick off this. When you now you have to be with a hot girl like that. I definitely smell their pussy. I wasn't. I was not going to ask that. I was not going to ask. You're calling you listening.

Listen, I was not. You're something. Rory, I was not going to ask that. I was not going to ask that. I was going to ask. I mean, because they're down for a matter. Was there any attraction? Attraction? Of course, she's a beautiful girl.

Like, what do you mean attraction? You know what I mean. Did you say that on the pussy? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No. Why is that one so comfortable? Okay.

I can tell you. I'm uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable because that's our colleague. That's our teammate. This fucking shit. You never- Watch how mad he gets. You thought he got mad about you making fun of him for being black. I'm uncomfortable because that's our colleague that's our team. This fucking shit Watch how mad he gets okay, you thought I got mad about you making fun of him for being black watch when I talk about like look You know women's rights that's

I just said this Nothing no answer confusion confusion is the best thing just no answer send it. Yeah, and then oops, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no gonna get stuck you should text dick pic question no no no don't do we got dots don't fuck this as good as a response if he even types of phone any of you agree with that if there's dot okay now that means about to text I want to break now you have now you have a few minutes because now what happened is you sent a picture to Keith Robinson Keith Robinson has a response he didn't answer he always answers exactly way right now yeah in the situation you have sent a picture to your good friend He always answers. Exactly right away. Robyn, Bobby, Bobby. Look at me, wait, wait, wait. Right now, in this situation,

you have sent a picture to your good friend Keith Robyn sent, and he hasn't responded yet, so in a few minutes, you're gonna look at your phone, like why the fuck has him Keith responded? Yes, yes. Oh, I sent it to Captain America. Now you get to send him to be a different Chris though. Say what?

Shouldn't it be to a different Chris? Yes. He's not gonna ask for the person to be a Chris Robb. He's not gonna ask you the other person. I'm gonna wait. I like Chris. I'll do that I was supposed to go to Chris rock Chris, is there anything I know Chris? Chris, what about Chris? Can you throw me a bone? No, no No, I'm not gonna happen. I don't want him have to go who?

Let's go to the other end of the back. You said you said that same picture. I don't know the mic just the final come up I got I got another 20 bucks that you send the same picture to rich Ross and he doesn't answer But the end of this podcast I guarantee you 20 bucks that clock suckers. What's your problem? We like you. Yeah me and Bonnie wrote you an all-out pilots pilots Are you ready? Alright, so I'm going to send this exact same photo.

Save a minute, text. Here we go. Rich. This is going down, dude. Voss. I feel awesome mobile. Unless you got a completely new phone, which is... That totally happens.

Yeah, this could be a 6.5 right now. Because they can afford phones. I'm going to wait until my phone literally won't hold a charge and won't buy you a new one. Rich Vos has been sent. Okay. Okay, so now here's the thing. Wait, Rich just answered. Right away.

No, his last actually texted me. Stop playing. Come on, come on, leave. Stop playing. Come on, let's go. Come on, let's go. Come on, come on, let's go. Come on, come on play and leave tell us everything don't stop playing What is it? Why Not him

Nobody cares about that I felt the buzz I felt the buzz and I got kitty. I got really the buzz I thought I won. I got so I got all the time in the world. Remember you said it's your boy. He has a responded. Yeah, I want I want when you say that you you know when you say you you meant to say to Chris rock you're just gonna say dude meant to send that to rock how you doing? I wouldn't even say Chris and then he goes who's rock is now the time No, you think it's right. He's right. I think you got a couple more.

Okay, well, real quick do do bits about this on stage. Oh, not you know, I have a similar bit to this. They're you really? Yeah, well, it's about I won't tell it is about the bit. I don't it's not right, but the bit is just about how I in order to get like that excited feeling that we're all feeling right now. So I don't cheat on my girlfriend. I just text fans. Comics. I know and wait for in the respond. You know, that's funny. That's funny. That's what I do. Dude, can I say something real fast?

No, no, no. I said, my wife was out of town. She was up in Vermont with my kids. And I had nothing to do. I had to work. So I was like, hey, can I tag a lot? I call both of you. All right, text to both of you.

You're like, yeah, let's do that. And never heard from you again. It's fine. No, don't worry about it. About me going to see you actually do your thing and whatever. This is a complete forest. I'll show's do that and never heard from you again. It's fine. No, don't worry about it. About me going to see you actually do your thing And this is a complete far. It's I'll show you the time we've had a step in combo about this exact situation. Okay, whatever Bullshit, but I went with Chris. I walked I went actually right downstairs here and I went to the Stan and it was great watching him do his thing

He had a bit about his lady having like access to his phone. Yes, that I get a bit about his lady having like access to his phone. Yes. That I have been giggling about on the subway since then. Right. Anybody that gets a chance to see you. If you want to see that bit come September 18th, what's up? Providence comedy connection.

Where are you doing this? I'm at the Santa tonight. Well, what does this podcast come out? It's live. Yeah, I'll be at the stand tonight. 18th, 15th, 10th. But it actually, it comes out on, when are we doing this? I think this will come out next Sunday.

Next Sunday? That next Sunday. No, not Sunday. No. This is coming out before, yeah, next Sunday. Yeah, Sunday comes out, I thought it was Monday's. Yeah, it comes out before the show. It will come out the show.

Awesome. Anyway, it's so exciting to watch somebody that you work within a different context. Go up on stage and just absolutely annihilated. It was awesome. You crushed that room that night. I was just wanted to mention that I go the next night you know then you'll be over it yeah this is boring this is not I know as he was talking about that bit I was like I hate that I had all them come out

John Corbett Elaine the Liz Gillies John Ails came in saw me at Gotham one night and we came out and they're like oh my god what the fuck wow and then John Corbett comes back to next night. Oh fucking he just sits in the back and he had 95 drinks just sitting there fucking there was he brought some friends he was just talking the whole show. It's fucking hilarious. I was just sitting there going, what the fuck, Johnny Z? He's like, babo, he's just one of the funniest guys on the planet. The way he, I mean, fucking hilarious.

Funny, funny, funny, funny. I brought you a tree. Oh man, that's a date. I know fucking hot one. That's not as big a format as you're used to, I think. But it's delicious. No, I love this. Which is what I say.

Is it the latest one? Is it the latest one? No, not the heavens. I'm nothing yet. No, I want to I want to send them something now. Now you sent him. I think you listen to hand. Here we go. Here we go. I think Andrew. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. That was supposed to go to Chris rock. No, I must say rock. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I go I go oh shit dot dot dot wrong Chris dot dot dot

I will do all the dots. Okay What is this? I'm asking help can you not? Oh shit Chris how you doing? But how you doing buddy or dude? However bro come on bro Chris wrong Chris yeah, come on dog how you doing Chris. Yeah. Ron Chris. Yeah. Call him dog. How you doing? Dog. What?

I'm a come dog. Dog. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no How about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about how about No, not me. Yeah, that's okay. I'm really But look at how long that next text is I really wanted the lot. Yeah think it's at least one of those. I think you get out after that. Oh, you got that fucking blind font. Can you read that from there? Can you read that from there? I can, I can, let me say, give that to you. It's perfect.

I'm not giving him the phone. Are you out of your mind? He'll take a picture of his coffee. He can't read from that phone. Let me just see that. No, you're out of your mind. Fuck you and fuck you. You know what I was, boy?

I fucking invented this shit. Fuck you and fuck you. I wouldn't do that. I only give magic man my phone Okay, I'm sending this right I would not send it so who said send send send I think it's too long I think in this I think it's over thinking this is gonna cause you to send the text you don't want to send I sent it To send the text you don't want to send I said that Ended my fucking relationship with Captain America It's fascinating friendship. I listen guys. We're gonna write this up. Yeah, awesome Unfucking believable show I had a I had a blast man. I really I'm glad you guys came on. I glad we did this

I'm gonna go through the room some of you guys are comics. You got stuff going on I'm glad you came on to promote the Hoboken comedy festival. I'm glad to be part of it Yeah, thank you. So if you guys are from Jersey, make sure to To go to my get on the path train and come over here and see Robert Kelly see the all the guys Yeah, getting your fucking car. It's no it's nine minutes away. You don't need a fucking car It's right here. Well those people have called ratio like i'm talking Connecticut i'm going further west side fucking uh... mississippi all you guys come out of the homecoming festival what's the day of the festival dot com it's uh... uh... excuse me September twenty-eighth

dr. b4th eleven shows in uh... seven days uh... crazy line up i can't even i can't listen we already did it we listed everybody uh... we're gonna get vendors on the gonna they're gonna sponsor we're gonna show the whole season it's gonna be a thing what's my what's my date the Friday the third 10 to 10 to 10 to 10 to 8 pm Robert Kelly live Andrew what do you got? Check out my podcast I'll be great and, that'd be great. And then October 2nd, I'll be at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, Massachusetts. And then I'll be in, do we really do this or not?

Keep going, really? You're really? I'll be in Alaska, October 7th through 10th. That's fucking awesome. And I'll be in Fairbanks, and then I'll be at the 10th in Prove, the 22nd to the 25th. He's crazy. I'm gonna get a new agent.

Yeah, yeah, that's cool for October. So thanks, please put them check out. And he'll be at the Hoboken County Festival on the third. I don't even know what that is. I'll be honest with you. Ssssss. Ha ha. That's what you got.

Just for October or till we, or it's live, right? I would do some- Do them all? No, I would do this. No, I would do 2016. I have a website. You could go to ch I have a website. You could go to criss-d-comedy.com.

Wait a minute, coming up. The immediate is, next month is October 2nd and 3rd. I don't want to take anyone from Hoboken if you live in Jersey, go see Valley. I broke a Ridge comedy club. October 20th, 24th. I'll be a Zainese in Chicago. And November 11th to the, November 12th to the 15th, I'll be at the House of

Comedy in Phoenix, Arizona. And November 7th, I'll be in Boston Garden for a Comics Come Home. Listen to me, everybody in Beantown that goes this thing, you got to check out Chris. He's going to fucking kill it. He's unbelievable. He's going to be a breath of fresh air. I mean, the lineups amazing. It's ridiculous. But having Chris on there, he's gonna fucking, you're gonna love him. So make sure you support him. Thank you. If he, if some does go wrong,

videotape it so I can have it on my show. I love to, no, the Billy Burm in a picture. I know. Those are hand on, kid. You're gonna fucking kill it. Make sure you check him out there. What do you go? I got on December 4th, I know it's a long way out, but I don't know how many times I can make it do this with you guys. I'm in a movie called Youth, which was a huge deal at the Cannes Film Festival, and I play a small role in that.

It was great, Sir Michael Cain and Harvey Kytel. Damn. And also, I'm in a romantic comedy with your boy, Dan Soder. Dan Soder. Called it Had to Be You, which is premiering at the Woodstock Film Festival in October 2nd. And Dan the romantic lead.

He was the romantic lead. That's why. Do you know I was a romantic lead, right first, my second movie. Last night at Eddies. I just found the post for it. I had show the length curls. Oh my god. I was gorgeous.

You're a photo down here, you're gorgeous. Dude, I was a romantic lead in this fucking movie. Dude, I'd like to... My first fat, my second fat, and my first skinny. The first skinny. I had to lose 30 pounds in a month to do the shows. Jesus.

I went and died. Are you dead? I went out, I ate fucking chicken breast oranges and vegetables every day. And I went, I started running that night. When the guy goes, look, I love you. Your chemistry with her is a fantasy, but you're overweight to your lead.

I went, just let me have the part. And I'll come back in a month, and I'll be fucking shredded. I came back with a six back. They thought I did, they thought I did steroids. You ripped. month and I'll be fucking shredded. I came back with a six pack. They thought I did steroids. You ripped. Yeah, I haven't been in a romantic lead in my marriage or any relationship I've ever been in since I was 12 years old.

I'm always the funny best friend. Yeah, especially now. See how Jesus is. It's gonna be sad. No, don't be sad. I make tons of money, I'm happy be sad. I make tons of money. I'm happy as hell. You make tons of money.

Oh my god, I make great money. Really? Yeah, I do a lot of commercial. The red lobster. You ever heard the crab fest, the fucking crab fest going crazy? That's it? That's his stupid voice. Is it?

Could you do it? Yeah, come on. Alright, alright. Wait, Chris Evans is just techno kidding. Oh my god. I gotta do it, I gotta do it. It's an endless shrimp is what's going on. Okay, I don't think it's a shrimp.

Don't do it. Yeah, everybody close your eyes. Ready? We'll close your eyes. And yeah, the shrimp is endless. But it won't last forever. So hurry in before it's gone. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. I'm hungry. You won't go. I'm hungry. And you know what? Publis is Kaplan Thaler. And Red Lobster are my favorite two groups ever.

I could go to college because of that. I'm hugely grateful. I want to fucking do. I got to do something. What do you mean? You're doing this. You're doing them. We can't pick that pit.

If this show doesn't get picked up, you guys are going to bring an EMT back in. Fucking do mediocre fucking scene. How you doing? I watched that entire scene. It was not mediocre you know, yeah, you felt it was funny Man, you bought all those donuts from Peter Pan. That was awesome. Those are the best donuts. I'll never have my We got those in sex drugs. Yeah, fucking insane. I had four donuts really. Yeah, I don't even care about Deserter's tweets at all. I swear to God. I was four of them. They're all like I can't stop I'm not even gonna try to stop. I'm just gonna keep eating this.

I love it. So delicious. What do we got for my day, sweetie? Can I call you sweetie? I'm sorry. Is that you're gonna bring me HR or something? Yeah. September 20th we get the Soho House final room. And the Soho House this weekend. I'm doing this. It's a Boozzy. Let me just tell you Boozzy. I have a small sandwich for $25. I did Jeff Leach say hey you wanted to show you go up to 20 minutes and they do it

five minutes of talking on a car like a talk show. I find out he's just making a sizzle real to sell and I got kind of like it you know it was a show and I was like that sounds fun right now helping him do a sizzle real. I'm in his sizzle real. It's good karma though. Yeah, fuck it

I got my like my Sundays do it. Yeah, I'm fucking Whatever anyways, it's gonna be a fun show. There's an honor embedded in the fact that he wants you in a sizzle Real all right That's magical stuff Nothing and October 2nd we got the home co-book and comedy festival All right, so Toronto I'm gonna pitch that a little better than she did Toronto is next week

Um, I need you guys to buy fucking tickets. I don't give a fuck. I've never been out there like this Go buy fucking tickets tell your friends spread the word share it Um, all the people that share the ad on Facebook, thank you. Go buy tickets. I want to sell this fucker out. My YKWD is live. I got Arthur Simian, I got Rob Meyue. I'm adding more people in the next couple of days.

And then I'm doing shows. So sell it the fuck out. Make sure you do that. And then when is the other one? We got the Hoboken Comedy Festival. Same thing with that. October. Yep. And we got the M. We got you in Fort Lorde d'Al, eighth through the 10th. All right. So check it out. Go to robbercaledlive.com for all my shit.

My special that this motherfucker produced and you know, took a gamble on and paid off, which is amazing. Rob amazing Robert Kelly live at the village underground Yeah, I'm just the I'm very proud of it. It's amazing It's it's cinematic and it was fucking a complete success and in this business to take a risk on yourself to have You know a company like a possible a guy like Serpico with a vision that gets your fucking the way you see things and then actually execute it, it's fucking, it's a one and a million and we did it and it's five bucks on the website. We'll go to iTunes and buy it. We're on Billboard chart, right? We're on Billboard for an album, yeah. For an album which is awesome. Are we gonna be up for a Grammy?

We submitted, let's see. Let's see what happens. We have a Grammy nomination. I'm gonna buy that tonight. Fucking love it. Sex drugs and rock and roll. Tomorrow night, last episode. Make sure you check it out. And of course, I really want you guys to support all my listeners. Everybody make sure that on October 1st, you go to IFC and you check out this new show

Benders. I'm telling you, it's addictive. Everybody on it's amazing. Right. Have a little Irish folk song for the end. Oh, fuck. I drink. Can we? Can we? Great. We cut off their heads and we boil them in oil. Yeah. All right

That was the day that was the longest day I got one second. Yeah, put that on your server go gets the fucking that's under the bomb and then that's the fucking anti-climactic You guys are the best man. You're the best fans out there go to ridecatch.com. Thanks for listening to the podcast We'll see you later Thanks for listening to the podcast. Thank you, Natalie. You know what? We'll see you later. come for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Try it.

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