Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Benson Street | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #23

Starting point is 00:00:00 What's up everybody? We're back. It's the regs. Joe List, Dan Soda, Luis J Gomez, and I'm Robert Kelly. What's up boys? Haven't seen you in a while. Yeah, you've been gone a long time. I like your Death Row Records era look.

Starting point is 00:00:30 You like my Dr. Dre look? Yeah, do you shook night up in this motherfucker? Is he shook? What happened to, is he still alive? He's in prison. He's still alive? He's still alive. He's in prison.

Starting point is 00:00:39 Oh, he's what? He's Dr. Gay. Oh, everybody's gay now in hip hop. Dude, I'm ready for, I got my topic. My topic is good. Everybody's, I didn't know the whole community was gay. What, like everyone's fucking each other? Everybody's fucking each other.

Starting point is 00:00:51 Oh, cause of Diddy and shit? Now that's all, well that's what's funny about Shug. Shug came out and was like, fuck Diddy. He's just in prison and he's like, he rapes motherfuckers. It's so funny to have your enemy be in prison and then you get in trouble. Yeah, but rape, like, not to say raping women is good, but fucking raping dudes. Alright, I'll let you walk this one out.

Starting point is 00:01:11 I'm just saying. That's the biggest Starbucks I've ever seen in my life. This is what you got me? Holy shit! What? This is the size of the fucking canister they use in Back to the Future with the plutonium. Folks. Folks. Thank you Paco. Canister they're using back to the future with the plutonium folks folks

Starting point is 00:01:26 Thank You Paco Why'd you have to do it? Well, you fucked us by the way fucked us. You really did bringing that up. Yes, because here's what happens We leave great energy came in hot. I've never hot on Back first off why am I why is this my fault? Cause he's upset. Cause we had to talk about fucking actual scheduling. I wasn't gonna mention it. I was gonna just.

Starting point is 00:01:49 No, you're a black hole of energy right now. You are a black hole of energy. Hold on, let me say this. His fingernails were regular before. Yeah, I know. They fucking darkened. I was trying to think of a joke, but nothing was coming to fruition

Starting point is 00:02:01 because the burning hot fire is out of my body right now. For what, scheduling the next episode? And I was trying fire inside of my body for what scheduling the next episode I was trying to cool it down scheduling And then it becomes a form of anxiety that I fucking Fucking hate that we leave here and then everyone goes Wednesday Wednesday morning I've canceled two things today because this shit wasn't fucking scheduled. That's where I'm at. I hate it Yeah, I have so much fucking anxiety about scheduling the episode that I'd rather get it out of the way so we can fucking enjoy it. We're not going to enjoy it because you're a black hole of suck right here. I've done

Starting point is 00:02:32 nothing. I've said nothing. I've done nothing. Didn't even bring it up. I was just waiting. What happened to you? Yeah. Ringo. What broke my heart? I did not break your heart. The folks at home, Dan just quit the podcast. Dan quit. Who breaks their pinky? What happened? Why do you have that dumb thing on? And what was his name? Why is it tail?

Starting point is 00:02:58 If that's a finger up the butt, that is the greatest break of all time. No, I was during the Jiu Jitsu at Skankfest. Who hurt you? Sean Millay. Who hurt you? Sean Millay. Who's that? What'd he do? Exactly. I killed him.

Starting point is 00:03:08 Sean McGay. Is this the reason? Can I take him? Well, if you're gonna fucking say it, we might as well say it. Yeah. So we were about to start the show. We did ads.

Starting point is 00:03:17 We were on fire during the ads. We were like riffing like it was the show. We were so ready to come back in. I got two bits. Listen to the ads. We recorded the ads before the show. Anybody listen to the ads. In fact, I got two bits. Listen to the ads. We recorded the ads before the show. Anybody listen to the ads? In fact, put one right there. Listen to that fun ad. Guys, it's Dan Soder and Luis J. Gomez and we both will tell you, your sex

Starting point is 00:03:34 life is very important. We love the thought that you get busy while you listen to this podcast. The fact that I know that you guys right now, my assumption is you have a 70% boner and you want 100%. I wanted to know that it's 100% rock hard raging. Stand at attention when you listen to this podcast. I want your penis to be zig-hiling if you know what I mean. Now if you have a little soft little marshmallow wiener, that's what we're here to talk to you about. Those hard boys can hit the skids for five minutes. You know what you, remember back in the day when you had a rock hard boner the way you would walk around?

Starting point is 00:04:06 Oh my god. Can I tell you something that happened to me last night? I know I'm doing this in an ad read. I had a boner and I had to pee. And I didn't know Katie was up. And you know when you pee with a boner you stand far back from the toilet and try to do that? She just in the dark I hear her go What the fuck are you doing?

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Starting point is 00:05:07 That's hi ms.com slash regs for your personalized ED treatment on that RGZ. Yeah, cuz we're bad boys Not hi mz.com Regs that would be crazy the products mentioned are chewable come compounded products with home crazy. The products mentioned are chewable compounded products, which are which are not approved or verified for safety or effectiveness by the FDA. That doesn't sound good. Prescriptions require an online consultation with a health care provider who will determine if appropriate restrictions apply. See website for details and important safety information. Then you said that really fast at the end. Shut up. Let's get back into it and we're

Starting point is 00:05:42 back. I'm not going to lie. That's a great point, Garnt. That's a fun fucking ad right there, okay? So we were having fun and then Dan's like, we should talk about the schedule for the next episode because we don't want to get caught. And I was like, cool. Then Dan goes, oh, I think we should just go back to doing the show once a month. And then I was like, oh, that kind of bums me out. I was like, maybe we should talk about this after the show. Then they forced me to plan the next episode three weeks from now. And I'm still kind of bummed out that we're not doing the show every other week.

Starting point is 00:06:10 And it bums me out. And I think we should have waited till after the show to probably have the discussion. Because I'm trying to shake being bummed. I'm not mad. I'm not saying you did anything wrong. You're about, Dan's about to get defensive and mad. Not at all.

Starting point is 00:06:20 Because when Dan hurts his friends. Yes, this is true. When Dan hurts his friends, his way that he gets out of it is to double down on the hurt Like the I do do you know what you fucking you do? Nailed me and I'm what I was actually gonna do is I wasn't gonna get defensive. Is it been working on it? You know what I've been telling Katie is I get so defensive that I go I'm taking a finger off right now because I can feel myself grip. I was wrong I shouldn't have brought up the scheduling thing before the show I should have done it after so

Starting point is 00:06:46 I fucked up but may I add something but can I tell you right now I guess no I guess no I'm done bye everybody oh what the fuck now really Lewis you get upset oh come on bro we can't away come on John bro. In a way. Come on, John. And just solved it. We were about to giggle. I was about to move on. You get upset as though we all three of us went, we no longer enjoy your company. You stink. You're brown. We're out. Well, the second part's true. We're all unavailable. It's not like we're like, I don't want to do it. I'm the least available literally out of everybody here. What do My father. I don't know. Bobby was just in Canada for two weeks.

Starting point is 00:07:26 Oh, well there you go. Oh, I didn't realize it was a bit. Emotionally. Yeah. No, I, no, but I, hey, I'm as busy as a fucking pig in an airport. Can I tell you right now, I tried to pay the hooker before sex.

Starting point is 00:07:37 I went. Business before sex. Yeah, I went, here, here's the money. And she goes, well, this just took me out of it. We were kissing on the bed. Kissing on the mouth. We were kissing on the bed. And I went, here's your $100.

Starting point is 00:07:46 I'm like a blow job. I think that is how hookers work. Don't you pay them after? You don't pay them before. Never pay them before. If you pay them before. What are you saying? We've got two befores and two after.

Starting point is 00:07:54 I've never had a hooker. I'm a good boy. What if you just don't have the money? Hookers are not going to have sex with you. I don't have sex with hookers. I kill them. You just come at her, and then you go, whoops. I don't have any cash.

Starting point is 00:08:03 No, no, no. Asian rub and tugs you can pay half. Hold on. Asian Rub and Hooker. Joe doing that to a hooker going, oops, I just realized. Gotcha. I'll eat my cum if you want. So you don't pay a hooker before?

Starting point is 00:08:19 No, he's right. Say that as a sound bite please. Asian massage probably is you pay half. You pay half. Hooker, you have to pay. But you pay when you get in there, you give them the money. You don't even say anything. You know the money before, you put it on the fucking desk.

Starting point is 00:08:32 You've never been with a hooker? You don't even have a conversation. You've never been with a hooker? No. You're lying. I mean, I got robbed by hookers, but I didn't order a hooker. I told the story in the film that none of you guys came to see.

Starting point is 00:08:42 I was out of town. I was so bummed I didn't get to see it. Yeah, you were out of town. It was quite a scene. I was so bummed I didn't get to see it. Yeah, you were out of town. It was quite a scene. It was awesome. Yeah, everybody came out. It was fun. Wow. I wasn't invited.

Starting point is 00:08:51 We had this conversation before. Nobody was invited. People reached out and said, I wanna go to that. To what? The premiere of my film, which premiered at Skankfest. Why would anyone wanna go to that? It was sold out, Doug. Sam Morrill was there, LouisK mark Norman on on her bird

Starting point is 00:09:07 right seriously though not the first three jokes can we take a second Ron is all this crazy shit can we just take a second and admire our new it's awesome I didn't notice our new once a month sign. No, it's Moving past this we do our once a month sign I had this made I spent more time with my son. Look at that's good. That should be that should be the thing That should be the answer is how beautiful is that big Jason's more time with his daughter You're amending it to make it work better. Edit it. It's not live. Make it work. Look at that.

Starting point is 00:09:47 That's awesome. How beautiful is that? It's okay. What? It's nice. Fucking asshole. I do like it. It's beautiful.

Starting point is 00:09:55 No, it doesn't. You did a great job. What's his name, Danny? Ted Mosaic? Ted Mounez? Ted Mounez Mosaic. Ted Mosaic is a sick name. Wait a minute.

Starting point is 00:10:03 Wait, wait, wait. Kelly goes first, JK. It should be alphabetical. L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-G. G should be first. That's weird. What is it? Why Kelly first?

Starting point is 00:10:12 He picked his favorites. I love this. He picked his favorites. That's in order of his favorites. It's, it's, it's. Well, then. Dave's his least favorite. Yeah, stupid fucking art piece.

Starting point is 00:10:21 No, I think he went from a least favorite to favorite probably if I had to guess. Stupid art piece. You know what, it coulda went that way too. That's so funny when you do the alphabet in your head stupid fucking art piece. He went from least favorite to favorite probably if I had to guess. Stupid art piece. You know what, it coulda went that way too. That's so funny when you do the alphabet in your head and you go, K doesn't come before G. Time out.

Starting point is 00:10:32 No, that's beautiful. That is really nice. I really like it. It is nice. I don't know how he did it. I mean, I really wish we were, I wish we were coming in more than once a month this would be, get a lot of people.

Starting point is 00:10:39 We might, we might. We didn't, we didn't. We were just saying scheduling has been a. We're not coming in for another three weeks. Stop being a baby. That we can't change. I'm not being a baby, we can we can we can let me tell you something we could do we get on zoom We can come in at nine o'clock in the morning We do it late at night if we care let me know this the truth if there was a gun against our fucking heads right now

Starting point is 00:10:54 Would we get an episode for the next two weeks cancel my trip to Key West for a gun against the head? Yeah, I'm not doing it for a fucking hang with you guys You're not even the problem Joe you're available. You're a loser. Wow. Wow. I work a lot. He has a child. He has a brand new baby. He has a brand new baby.

Starting point is 00:11:13 He's married. Joe's never the problem. He just moved. Why am I the problem? I didn't say you're the problem. Why'd you take it that way then? Because you went like this. Joe's not the problem. You did a stupid fucking look. You tipped your hand. Joe is never the problem. You're the problem. I'm not saying you're the problem. You're coming right after

Starting point is 00:11:32 me. I'm saying Joe's never the problem. Dude, by the way, corporate Dan is dead. Long-lived defensive Dan. The last two were Bobby. I'm just going to say it. And I'll fucking- Bobby fucking I am the busiest Bob yeah you have Bobby Bobby and defensive defensive Dan I'm doing Joe and laugh laugh laughable Lewis gotta laugh once Lewis I'm very busy you're going to Cuba bad relations with them ten years ago I'm going to Cuba that's why you go to Cuba you fat have we even discussed? Bobby, can I tell you right now? Bobby, you look like you have a black wife, like how you're dressed. I wish I did.

Starting point is 00:12:30 You have a black wife, a fat Joe. Bobby, you look like a fat Joe, pull up that Joe when he was all black. Dude, it looks like, you know, they do this thing on TikTok where they show white dudes who marry black women and how their style changes, so you look like you have a black wife. Yeah Bobby, what are you going to Cuba for you fucking play baseball, dude? Negotiating That is bother you'll get a 57 shit amazing it really is fucking disturbing how much I look then Bob You're never the problem but i really is farther disturbing how much i look at them bob is that you have

Starting point is 00:13:05 you're never the problem what are you doing all right now i've got one that was a good it's not that you know that why are we doing this more of a little bit of a low-fat that the version of you with which is definitely do that i would do this all the time is my solution we come in for four hours. We do it weekly.

Starting point is 00:13:25 It's a weekly one hour. Weekly? No, we do one four hour session. We change our shirts. I said this six months ago. How are we gonna change our shirt? All right, we have four episodes of where we're gonna stay in the shirt.

Starting point is 00:13:35 You know what America's got talent? That girl who like rips it, and she's fucking a new outfit, and then a different dress. Then the people can't. Mine's lingerie, I'm like. I don't know. Once a week.

Starting point is 00:13:44 Once a fucking week. And we only record start a patreon. It's a fuck ass digital. Let's go Fuck skanks, I'll fucking like show socks. I kick it word trash bags. I don't know. I kind of ripped last time I was a good episode. That was a big one I don't know. I fucking had a bowl last Yeah, but he likes to in that show this one. It's a big one. I don't know, I fucking had a blast. Game show was awesome. Yeah, but he likes it when that show, this one it's like pulling teeth. No, I come here, I'm the first one here. That's not how I talk at all.

Starting point is 00:14:09 It's more like this. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'm a big drinker. Can I say, why don't we do the next one on Zim? What are you, on what?

Starting point is 00:14:18 On Zim. What is it? Zim. Zim sucks, dude. I hate doing shows on Zim. Why are you turning into Big J? Why do you have a ring? I run my bathtub, I'm dirty.

Starting point is 00:14:29 Why do you have a little skull ring? Why do you, why are you? Bacchal laugh, Bobby laugh. Why are your fingernails painted? What's happening? I'm gay. Is it when you broke your finger that you painted the rest in mornings?

Starting point is 00:14:41 I painted them during Skankfest. And so many ladies were like, I wanna hang out with you. Can I tell you something? I don't think they're ladies. I was in Salt Lake City, Go Utes, and I got in the elevator, the Hyatt or whatever, and there was like a dude, like look like a mountain man kind of thing.

Starting point is 00:15:02 And he was in flip flops and shorts, painted toenails. Sick. I paint my toenails when I go away because I have dead toenails. Yeah, your son paints his toenails. Don makes me paint them. Because they're so gross? The big toe on the left side and the big toe on the right.

Starting point is 00:15:15 Maybe I should do that, I got gross toes. Yeah, do you have fungus? Yeah. The fungus among us? Yeah. I got gross feet. You don't drink, you could take the thing that I took, dude. Don't take it.

Starting point is 00:15:24 Why? Your fucking liver, dude? My liver though you have to go every six months and get your liver checked. No, I did that for accutane I did it for 15 days on I did it for 15 days off 15 days on 15 days off. I was fine My good. I look better than I've ever looked. Can I say I think we're I think we've had this word-for-word dialogue I think three up bring it back up and can you do side by side three right this is a good order he shows more frequently and they will all blend together this is not i disagree with that that's not that we get a little bit of a job talking naysaying fuck just about

Starting point is 00:15:55 how i was going to go we just did an episode right on schedule so i mean it's a little bit of a massive so this is the second episode in a while he's bobby's's gotta go spelunking in Lichtenstein What the fuck are you doing? That sounds fun why don't let him turn Give me the number one podcast in Cuba, let's see Why are you hiding your mission? I'm just going to Cuba. Do you have a Cuban family? Me and Ari going to Cuba.

Starting point is 00:16:49 To smoke cigars? You're not doing our podcast to go hang out with fucking Jew Ari in Cuba? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Now we pronounce it pro Israel Ari Shafir. A lot of stuff going on in the world right now. We don't say that. I'm going to Cuba. me and Ari planned this months ago Months we're doing a you think you would have told us I did you think you would have by podcast fuck side-by-side go to the episode

Starting point is 00:17:14 I told you I told everybody I'm the one who tells people what I'm doing. Mm-hmm. I don't just come up with random shit I'm not gonna be around. It's not like I'm just come up with random shit I'm not gonna be around. It's not like I'm... Dan. Oh really? He was gonna say it. I would love it. Bring up, you know what, can you bring up the last episode where they made fun of me going to the Catskills because that's what we talked about and that's where I'm going next week. Bring that up. Yeah, because it stinks. The Catskills are right down the street. I'm training for trash Dan. What is the chasing a laser pointer? Honestly, if you would have that one out for laser pointer is better. The better skill, better cats go. What's up? What's up? Cuban Bob? Everyone, everyone pulling a cat skill. Chasing mice.

Starting point is 00:18:05 I've already had two. Jumping an incredible distance. Getting stuck up in a tree. Oh, that is a cat skill. That's not skill, that's an anti-skill. It's a cat problem. That's a defect. That's actually a skill.

Starting point is 00:18:16 It's not a skill, it's not good. Always landing on your feet. I had to get my sister's cat out of the tree. I was there. Were you there? Yeah, I was there. Remember you had the ladder, it was at the party. The stupid cat went up there,

Starting point is 00:18:26 and you had to get a ladder and climb up the tree. Anytime a cat gets in a tree, you get a ladder. There was a fireman there. Not many people have a ladder. There was a little girl. Remember at the Halloween party? The cat was meowing. It was a fluffy cat.

Starting point is 00:18:40 It had two ears and a tail. Are you spending, are you doing a Halloween party this year? No. Why? While we are, doing a Halloween party this year? No. Why? Well, we are, we just want to invite you. Damn! Damn! Line of the pod!

Starting point is 00:18:49 So, we've been, damn! That was good. That hurt. You're gonna be in the fucking Dominican Republic. Cause the kids suck now. What do you mean the kids suck? Cause I used to go to the party and they used to get scared. We used to tell a scary story.

Starting point is 00:18:59 You did awesome Halloween parties. I did great Halloween parties. The last one ended, like literally, I'm dressed up as a clown. I'm doing creepy magic tricks. And they're like, you fucking suck. They're throwing things at me. They're fucking with me.

Starting point is 00:19:08 Is that Skankfest? No. That was pretty good. That was good. I liked it. Yeah, you got it. You got the chorus. So they're just old and just.

Starting point is 00:19:18 They're not, it's not the same joy that a Halloween party is bringing these little kids. Baka, you go every year. You saw the difference between last year and the past few years, right? And so it's an immediate, in one year. In one year, we dress Harrington up. Harrington's one of the producers at Gas Edgelove,

Starting point is 00:19:33 you know, for the people that don't know who he is. We dress him up as like the Wolf Man, and we have a couple different characters. We'll have him in a mask, and you know, the kids will chase him around. For years, it's really fun. You know, Bobby, they chase him and fucking, they play with him, and we give them like,

Starting point is 00:19:44 little foam swords, but the kids are all big, they're going through puberty now. So last year they beat the shit out of him. It was kind of disturbing. We had to go stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. They were kicking him like this. He takes off his shirt, he looks like Rambo in the shower. Max picked up a stick. They were actually trying to hurt him to the point where you're like, Jesus! Max picked up a stick. Yeah, they were like actually trying to hurt him. Yeah. Like to the point where you're like,

Starting point is 00:20:07 yeah, what the fuck is he? Like, you know it's an action. It's not a real Wolfman, guys. We all know what's going on here. But you give them the authority. There's just one kid that's super freaked out. I fucking saw him change. But now, can I suggest change the party?

Starting point is 00:20:19 Change with them. Have like a fingering booth and a horror movie. Yeah. What? A horror movie. A horror movie. Did you say a horror movie? You know how you could scare them? You could go. A fingering booth and a horror movie yeah what a movie finger piece if a horror movie that's care of you going during both everybody at school is talking about you you don't have OCD have to all those feelings are going to last forever you're gay and then they're like work serve

Starting point is 00:20:55 It wasn't that bad thanks dog, but take it spirit Halloween joke give it a may I'll take it fuck it Wait a one time the fuck. I think it's the first one timer. We've ever had with the bomb data Pow no attack. I'm getting notes. I want to suck your dick. Bobby, you fucking suck. You're a piece of shit. Let's find out. You killed him. What is this? What is it? What is that? It was a secret note. I got a note from the producers. You don't get notes. They're not your producers. I just noticed it. We got special guests. I said the producers. I didn't say my producers.

Starting point is 00:21:24 Yeah. But I'm saying why would they why would you know that because they needed me to do something paco chop him in the fucking that your my producer back the top of the did do it if those of you at home paco did chop them in the national list is paralyzed just find a looks like he came in for a run

Starting point is 00:21:42 i was at the gym today that's what i I could tell. What gym? Equinox? That's right. Scumbag, fucking piece of shit. Fucking piece of shit Equinox. Is this defensive loose? They banned me. And then I also figured, I know enough about the Equinox infrastructure because I work there. You know the inter-working.

Starting point is 00:22:01 I know that I can go in and technically just create a fake name because the salespeople just want to make a sale. But the manager that banned me is still the manager I checked the website because I feel they move them around every couple years, right? So I was like, all right, this bitch is gonna be gone But I checked the name and it's still the same fucking manager that been and she was the assistant GM at the time And now they promoted her to GM That was a big move GM Big move. Yeah, she's hey, thanks for getting rid of that Puerto Rican

Starting point is 00:22:28 Did you you want to go back there that's why you're upset yeah, why don't you just get a disguise? What about lifetime? Why don't you get a wig like a blonde? I was I was that lifetime for a minute, but lifetime is 18 minutes from my house It's just far enough that it sucks. Yeah, and it's further from the city It's like further than my house is so have to drive, if I want to go before I come into the city, I'm driving further away and I give myself less time to get into the city. You could come into the city earlier

Starting point is 00:22:53 and go to one in the city. I know, I know. Are you banned from all Equinox? Yeah. Really? Wow. I thought it was just one. I didn't know it was the whole. Even the whore. Get the fuck out of here. You get a new driver to drive a Chevy get an Uber over the Equinox.

Starting point is 00:23:05 Chevy Equinox. Driver goes, are you Lewis? Do you know who that is? I cannot drive. I am banned. And I would love to go back. And I touted, you know, I've been promoting the Equinox brand for years,

Starting point is 00:23:18 years and years and years. I mean, you made sales for them. Yeah, I fucking loved the brand. Stop being time keeper, Dan. I'm putting it down because I don't want to look at it. There we go, we don't look at the time here. I know. Time doesn't exist here.

Starting point is 00:23:29 That's why I put it down. We're in a... He's still doing his magic. Time doesn't exist. I'm going to do what I'm doing. Hey, can't you go back and apologize? To who? To the person.

Starting point is 00:23:39 To the lady that's in the gym. Dan? No, go back to the lady and just, hey, listen, I had a problem here. Can I talk to you for a sec? She'd let you back in now. No, you went to rehab. No.

Starting point is 00:23:48 Yeah. Fingernails. Yeah. What if I sing the Amy Winehouse song? They want to sing. They tried to make me go to rehab. Oh, she says no in it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:57 No. Yes, I win, I'll go. Oh, I win. I'll get my Equinox membership back. I win and I'm different now, can I sauna again? Can I please use the eucalyptus towels? Oh my god those fucking rules you guys still have those? I can't believe the appeals products how do you make money it's so good.

Starting point is 00:24:14 They got rid of those products. I know shittier products, did you hear that Equinox? It was a big controversy. In my mind I would love if someone really high up at Equinox was like a fan of this podcast. No I'm friends with the guy who like runs all the California clubs and he could do nothing about it. In my mind, I would love if someone really high up in Equinox was like a fan of this podcast. No, I'm friends with the guy who runs all the California clubs and he could do nothing about it. Really?

Starting point is 00:24:30 Wow. I was like, come on, you gotta, this is crazy. I was like, I was attacked. I was lying. I was like, these guys attacked me. I was raped. You're like Pesci in Casino. You're in the Black Book.

Starting point is 00:24:38 Yeah. Yeah, dude. If you go back and apologize, walk in and just talk to you. Here's what I could do. She would do that. I could go to another go to another products i could sign up under a fake name they're not the person that making the sales not going to check the credit like they're they don't care they just wanna fucking make the sale she was to

Starting point is 00:24:54 push jay lomax doesn't need to do it uh... uh... the money uh... it's a little expensive but it's kind of worth it. Would you let us, as the regs, broker a sit down between you and this GM from Aquanauts? I like it.

Starting point is 00:25:13 And that be our only guest in the studio? Is this sit down of Louis getting back in the Equinox? I have a home gym. My gym at home is fucking dope. It's just not, I have no steam room. And I went to Lifetime on the road the other day. It's so nice having a nice steam after a long workout. When you're in a nice gym, when I'm at my home gym,

Starting point is 00:25:33 I'm trying to get it over. When you're in like an Equinox, like a nice gym, you take your time, like I'm gonna do another couple sets, I'm gonna fucking just. Really go for a PB. Yeah. You know? Peanut butter? Yes. Peanut butter. I slather it. I for a PB. Yeah, you know peanut butter. Yes peanut butter I slather. I said yes, like I knew what he was talking about

Starting point is 00:25:48 Why don't you just get a steam you can buy a steam thing for your house or boil water? Just put your head over They make those little steam rooms First of all those steam rooms suck dick the sauna though. I'm not a big sauna guy I know you talked about an outdoor sauna. I love it. I have the sauna in my house. Bobby, let's get real.

Starting point is 00:26:08 Be honest, look at me in the eyes. Look at me in the eyes, Bobby. In my eyes, not his eyes, my eyes. Yeah. Look at my eyes. Yeah. How often do you use that song? Bobby, don't, for once in your life.

Starting point is 00:26:17 For once in your life. Be honest with me. I never lie to you. I never lie to you. I never lie. It's nothing but lies with me. I never lie. You look at me. Never lied. Never lie. I don't lie. never lie to you. I never lie to you. I never lie. It's nothing but lies with you. I never lie. You look- Never lied.

Starting point is 00:26:26 Never lie. Never, I don't lie. Be honest with me. It's not part of my program. Be honest, right now. Be honest, be honest. Be honest with me. That's it.

Starting point is 00:26:34 There it is. How many times you use that sauna? I use that sauna. Bobby. Honest to God. Bobby. Honest to God. Bobby.

Starting point is 00:26:41 Three to four times a week. That's a lot. That's a lot of saunying. Three to four times a week. That's a lot. That's a lot of sonning. Three to four times a week. Call Dawn right now, and I want you to say, you gotta say Dawn with, I want you to, let me talk actually. No.

Starting point is 00:26:54 No, because you're gonna lead the witness. I know what you're gonna do. I'm not gonna lead her, I'm just gonna ask her. No, no, no, but don't ask her, don't be like Dawn, do I not use the sauna three times a week? Three times a week, Dawn, I use the sauna. When I'm home, when I'm home. She on?

Starting point is 00:27:05 Stop, stop, stop. Why don't, she's not going to answer. She never answers my fucking phone calls. Do you think you know who's going to win the presidential election or how many seats the Democrats or Republicans will win in the House or Senate? Well, there's finally a legal way to bet on the outcome of these elections,

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Starting point is 00:27:49 either, you can double your money if you end up winning. That's pretty damn good odds. So, put your money where your mouth is and give Cal-She a try. Sign up using our link, calshe.com slash regs, R-E-G-Z, and the first 500 traders who deposit $100 will get a free $20 credit. That's Kalshi for a free $20 credit. So go check out Kalshi now. Alright, where were we? How about I just say do I use the sauna? No, no, that's great. No, no, no, no. How many times? How many times? Because a lot is subjective. Well,

Starting point is 00:28:22 subjective to what? Why aren't arguing that? Just say it. If she's going to go, you never use it. We should have gone. Damn, she forwarded your call to voicemail. What if that's her just doing the impression of it? She doesn't want to talk to you? She goes, I know you. Sorry.

Starting point is 00:28:34 Just forwarded your voicemail. If you think that they're being. I use it three to four times. Why are you texting her? Let's call the sauna. Call the sauna. Call the sauna and ask how many times you use it. Stop texting her.

Starting point is 00:28:46 I'm gonna just say three to four times a week. You think it's gonna be three or four times a week and then you end up using it once a month. Every time I work out, I go into the sauna. When I got the hot tub, I was like, this is gonna be my life every day. And then literally after the first month, I used it once ever.

Starting point is 00:29:00 Don's like, he gets a sauna brown. Hey, no, stop. Hang on, stop. Stop cheating! Stop cheating! You're on the regs live. You're not live. This is live right now. We're here. Don, we're alive on the regs! Okay, Don, Don!

Starting point is 00:29:16 We know we're alive. No, no, no, no! When I'm home... Don, don't you... Okay, okay, okay. Lewis, don't do that. No, wait Don, don't you? Okay, okay, okay. Louis, you ask the questions. Don. Yes.

Starting point is 00:29:29 When Bobby is not on the road, when he's home, obviously the answer is you don't have to even include that part of it because we're only talking about when you're home. Come on, pothead, get to it. But how often does Bobby use the sauna? Give me a number of times per month, or week, I guess. A number of times per week. Since we've moved, he hasn't used it because it's not unpacked.

Starting point is 00:29:54 But when we moved, he was using it like four or five times a week. Damn! Damn! Bobby! Bobby needed a win. well are you yeah barbara you about to be a little bit of a big way that i think we're

Starting point is 00:30:11 i don't like what if i don't like a lot i don't like that i'm not the fact that if there's anybody in the doesn't like me yeah me me i'm talking to read the bonfire subreddit right now you're crazy and then fucking... Are you crazy? I'm a boy scout. Who's the biggest liar in this room? It's Louis, no question. Bobby, you're the biggest liar in this room.

Starting point is 00:30:32 I'm Ford. You're the biggest liar. How am I the biggest liar? I don't lie. I don't lie at all. You lie all the time. I actually try to make an image. You live in a world of lies.

Starting point is 00:30:40 Yes. Guys, my name is not Louis J. Gomez. Louis J. Gomez died in a hiking accident. Louis is British. He's the real fucking David. You can get back to Equinox now. Oh, this is a good one. Gomez. Louis J. Gomez died in a hiking accident. Louis is British. I used to be a fucking liar. You can get back to Iguanax now.

Starting point is 00:30:49 Honestly. No, I actually don't lie. I made it out, like I don't lie to women in my life. I used to be a liar. I used to be a fucking liar. And what would a liar do right now? Bobby the bitch, what was it? No.

Starting point is 00:31:00 Bobby the busy? Busy Bobby. Busy Bobby. Defensive Dan, Louis the liar. That was my nickname back in the day and jobless Joe. We used to call you that all the time. Jobless. No one would hire you. I had a job in a long time. I called Jizz Joe. Jizz Joe. Because I love to eat Jizz. Jizz loving Joe. Jizz loving Joe list. Son of a bitch. Sounds like an old boxer name. It's Jz Lover. Versus Joe Louis takes on new contender Jez Levin Joe List.

Starting point is 00:31:28 The sauna, the sauna is the best thing for you, better than steam. I gotta start doing that. Steam doesn't do anything for you. Sauna. Steam does do something for you. You just say things. I'm telling you, sauna, look it up. Sauna actually activates your heat shock proteins that actually help you with dementia,

Starting point is 00:31:45 it helps you with your heart, it helps you live longer. Okay, Joe Rogan. I'm telling you, look it up. I love that one. Also, should I start? Sauna for 170 degrees or more for 20 to 30 minutes, four to seven times a week is fucking great for you.

Starting point is 00:32:04 What are the cons? There are no cons. Steam room has clearing congestion, four to seven times a week is fucking great for you. Fantastic. Now what are the cons? There are no cons. Steam room has clearing congestion, lowering blood pressure, improving skin health. Yeah, it's really good for your skin. I'm talking heart and fucking dementia and living long. Bobby, we're not 70 like you.

Starting point is 00:32:20 A sauna, I had my birthday too. Thanks Dan for actually, and you for wishing me happy birthday Yeah, I oh don't you you're a kid. This cocksucker was about to fucking fit just think that no I wasn't he didn't fucking no I just said just dank fan Just so you Louis Jay Gomez for wishing me a happy birthday on my birthday Wow I don't know your birthday I know day. I did Louis is April 1st. Yeah, bro

Starting point is 00:32:48 April 5th 6th 6th. It's April 6th. I just said zero percent Zero percent chance Bobby knew my birthday. I'm not on Facebook. I don't know birthdays What are you two fucking assholes could have texted and say hey, it's Bob's Then I texted him a few times he didn't answer and then the next day he got back to me saying thanks. I was I was working dude. He was in Canada. I was working. Nobody reached out on Dan's birthday. Hold on. Let me make this very clear. It's very true. Canada is on earth. You're not on earth. I was working. No one reached out on my birthday. 16 hour days. No one reached out on my birthday. Yeah. None of you guys did. I actually, I

Starting point is 00:33:24 posted on Instagram happy birthday to the, none of you guys. Yeah, I actually I called posted on Instagram Happy birthday to the most important man in comedy never heard anything back. Will we never go back to you? Let's talk about long Michaels Thanks Joe still not gonna host we brought you a cake on the podcast. Yeah, we I I paid for a fucking cake Yeah, dude on your birthday me. Yeah, I don't eat cake, did I eat it? No, but it's a gesture. Yeah. What a dumb gesture.

Starting point is 00:33:49 Guys, I'm gonna get you something. Pinkie rings too. Nice. I ate it that night. Pinkie ring on the right hand? I don't like that. I don't like that. I like that less than the nail polish.

Starting point is 00:34:00 Lewis is gaying it up. I got a topic. You're gaying it up. How about I beat you up? Do it. Damn. How? Dude, I wouldn't do that.

Starting point is 00:34:09 He killed Tupac. What's your topic? What are we going to topic? Skinny Bob is fat Joe is one of the funniest jokes. I'm so mad I stepped all over that line. It was so funny, dude. So good. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:34:22 That's your Blue Jay O'Crizzle. I brought... jay ochers and no nothing to top the jail. I mean people comment that everything I bet everything I did. I'm sure big Jay he doesn't even get it. No idea why he's like why do people keep a lot of people who do they feel proposing bird pictures. By the way when they do the I was with the blue streak in his hair. I do you not love that? It probably annoys him twice a week. He's like, what the fuck does that even mean? I have actually, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:34:48 There's nothing better than a joke that no one knows out of context that they're like mad about. He's like, some of these fucking birds, dude. Why are all these birds in my fucking timeline? I have a hoodie. A blue Jay Oderson hoodie? That's sick.

Starting point is 00:35:03 I'm not gonna lie, that's pretty fucking dope merch. All right, let's get to the, what do you got, Joe? Joe's so excited I'm not gonna lie. That's pretty fucking dope merch. Alright, let's get to the- what do you got Joe? Joe's so excited about his topic. He's so excited about his topic. Louis texted today and said bring topics. I know, that gives me anxiety. Well, we're riffing now, we don't need the topic if we're riffing and doing good.

Starting point is 00:35:15 It was the topic when there's a lull. So- You scare us with your text messages. They do. They fucking frighten us. Well, not enough to do the podcast twice a month. I was fucking looking at my thing and Don's like, what's wrong? I'm like, I need a topic. Katie goes, what are you doing?

Starting point is 00:35:30 I was like, research bitch. I've got to get a topic for Lewis or he's going to be mad at me. Well, just in case there's a lull, we go throw it at a topic, but we're kind of riffing right now. We are, we're having lulls. We're just doing the regular show. Sometimes there's a lull and then we need a topic. But that's the show, there's always a lull. Baby, that's the show there's always a low baby, that's the ocean yeah Sometimes there's waves and sometimes his lulls next time there's a lull we should do a bye lullaby bye

Starting point is 00:35:54 You're okay, man. Oh, he's going in his Dennis Miller brain damage Bobby you want piece candy No, cuz it's weed. Yeah, how strong is that? Why would you do that? Why would you want me to do it? Why would you do it to a no? Can you be fun for once?

Starting point is 00:36:11 Okay. Dude, Bobby, you would freak out. Do a nibble, a little nibble. Oh, no. I have a little weed. Are you kidding? Wow, I'm gonna do that just to fucking, so you. Why don't you guys literally take this,

Starting point is 00:36:22 not half, half is too much, and nibble of the corner each right now and let's see where the podcast goes will go to the. It would be we wake up we did 17 by the way we have to call him seasons have so many of them and there's 4. You wake up your millionaire like what the fuck happened and we started we looked at that would you get high. happened like dude we started we like that would you get high no that's funny you're funny good how much I would love to pop one of those in my mouth oh my

Starting point is 00:36:52 god this whole thing this is I have nothing for anxiety this whole I have no one thing yeah you are really just white knuckle in it I fucking have to deal with every emotion that comes through my body I have to feel it and just have it until it goes away I I would love to flop that my mom a little nibble not the whole thing You can't do it like one tenth of it. I just celebrated 38 years of sobriety. So Buddy, I can't oh we're supposed to remember that too It's the only thing that I've done Dan called them on a 30 years of sobriety thing. 38 years. And I said,

Starting point is 00:37:27 38 years ago, I remember when you got sober, I was three. I was a three year old boy living in a same size. It weighed me down. I didn't walk until I was nine. Yeah, no way. Joe will do it. Joe, you eat that. That's going to fuck my whole day. It is delicious. They're not bad. They are tasty going to eat that. That's going to fuck my whole day. It is delicious. They are tasty. They taste good. Then you just, and then you 90 minutes later deal with the reckoning.

Starting point is 00:37:50 No, I'm okay. Why would you say it's so not confident? Is there ever something that we could do to make you guys take an edible on the podcast? Go back in time. What is it? $5 million. That's my, no. Five million. It is it? $5 million that's my no Last five way less. I wish they had that shit when I was out there

Starting point is 00:38:12 All we have was like stupid weed we bought in fucking Washington Park Oh, we need to go back and fucking pick seeds out of it. Let's go find a black person When Bobby was growing up he would have died like the mother in fucking... Too wordy. Too wordy. Too wordy. Too wordy. Then he's grabbing me.

Starting point is 00:38:30 It's like when a monkey grabs you in the zoo. He was trying to get Dan. I'm like, the strength. His hands are so strong. He was trying to suck Dan from the out of him. I was like, ah, ah! He looked like DiCaprio at the end of a Titanic. He was floating away.

Starting point is 00:38:40 I was thinking of a DiCaprio movie. Oh, fuck, the mom and the guy. He was eating Gilbert Grape. He was eating Gilbert Grape. He was eating Gilbert Grape. I don't even think it would have been. Candy. You know what misses when you just go, candy. Yeah, they don't have any of that shit.

Starting point is 00:38:56 I smoked the plant. Yeah. The actual fucking plant. That's what it's about. They call it flower now. We still smoke the plant. Yeah, but it was. I mostly smoke the plant.

Starting point is 00:39:04 You would have smoked like five joints to get high back then. Yeah, when good weed didn't come out till the late 90s. No, I was smoking weed in the 70s and early 80s. I say that because that's what I said. It was grass. It was just weed. The 70s and early 80s?

Starting point is 00:39:17 Yeah, late 70s. You could smoke like a fucking, you could smoke, you would be smoking like 60 joints a day. Yeah, you had to smoke a whole bag to get like fucking wasted. Yeah. Now it's, take a corner of that and you guys will both have psychological meltdowns.

Starting point is 00:39:30 The first time I smoked weed, it was kind of bunky weed. My uncle Raymond bought it for us. Yeah, it was Schwag. Yeah, it was Schwag. It was like flat, you'd pull the seeds. It got us so high though. It came in a bag with a hat and a key chain.

Starting point is 00:39:42 Schwag makes you gig-gig. We were going to see Snowcore 2000. That night we were going to see System of a Down, Poo Ya, Mr. Bungle, and Incubus. That's pretty sick. First time I smoked with Ozzy concert, two weeks after Randy Rhoades died, I went to the concert and a joint got past me.

Starting point is 00:39:58 I was 10 and I wound up smoking it. And then the whole rest of the concert, I just wanted to jump off the balcony because I thought that's what Oz was. What year were you born? 1970. Jesus Christ. So the first time you smoked weed.

Starting point is 00:40:11 Was 1980. 1980, not in the 70s and 80s. I said late 70s. Bobby has never lied. Well, I'm misrepresentative. Damn, dude. Are you trying to build a case against Bobby? I was 10.

Starting point is 00:40:23 I want you to shut your eyes. Yeah, 80. Early 80s, late 70s it was, yeah, I thought it was 10. I want you to shut your eyes. Yeah, 80. Early 80s, late 70s it was. Yeah, I thought it was that. And I started drinking at 10 too. That's when I started drinking alcohol. So you were the coolest 10 year old? No, I was a fuck.

Starting point is 00:40:33 You were the coolest 10 year old? If I was like an adult and I saw a 10 year old, I'd go, what are you doing, kid? He goes, what am I not doing? Why don't you give me another fucker? I'm fucking, I had sex with a retard on a bus. Oh, hey, he did. Oh, she was a crazy lady. Crazy lady. She was just crazy. Family show, bro. I bet. Yeah, you're right. I forgot our G rating. Dude, it was, what was the first time you

Starting point is 00:40:59 smoked weed? I had tried it, but I didn't get high when I was like 13 because I was smoking cigarettes at 12 I smoked my first bullet like 13, but then I smoked a fucking blunt when I was 15 of like chronic and it That was the beginning that was just in those flat I melted in the couch like that lady It was awesome. It's getting high with my friend Brian was the most fun I had doing a substance. I was just laughing the whole time. I was putting like an empty 12 pack of soda on my head. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Good bit. It is good bit. Not a bad bit. You break it out and look like a night.

Starting point is 00:41:38 You need a 36 pack to get it on that head. Hey, hey, boom. Oh, hey, there is a lot of smoke weed. You remember I was like an adult. I was like 20 years old I was a little guy Got a bed. I was adult. Yeah, I liked it. Yeah I just smoke weed. Yeah, we smoked a lot of weed. We used to always go by my apartment after Monday nights at Comedy Village and smoke a bowl go to First start this podcast you guys just get drunk and high on the show. Joe and I got very drunk on the show.

Starting point is 00:42:07 Yeah. I mean, fuck that. You guys were so fun back then. I know. You guys were awesome. And the... You want to do this two times a week? Barrel of laughs. Excuse me?

Starting point is 00:42:16 You guys would have done the show, they would have done the show five days a week when they were getting high. Yeah, we had an uncrippling addiction. Nobody had anything though, nobody had anything back then. You guys don't have anything. All the things you do suck. This is the best thing that we all do. We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, Like what are you talking about? No, I do this to create something great and in turn that's No, we do it so we can see Selling more tickets on the road. No, but you don't do this to create something. That is literally why we do this No, we do it to hang out to create something. We do this to fucking hang with each other

Starting point is 00:42:57 We weren't hanging with each other and then we did it. No, I could just hang with you We would do it once a year guys. We could just hang with each other. We don't have to create anything I do this to create something great So try to team me up against me and acting like I'm wrong here and I'm We would do it once a year. Guys, we could just hang with each other. We don't have to create anything. I do this to create something great. So I'm trying to team up against me and acting like I'm wrong here. And I'm defensive. Defensive do-ist, fine.

Starting point is 00:43:12 Call me that all day. I don't care. Defensive do-ist is too. I don't know why I love that so much. Old defensive do-ist. Joe hated it. Joe's mad right now. No, I was making fun of you whining.

Starting point is 00:43:25 You sound like a girl. There's a line drawn right here in the table. There's mad right now. No, I was making fun of you whining. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You sound like a girl. There's a line drawn right here in the table. There's not a line, that was a funny line. He gave a funny line, you were crying. Ari texted was like, I'm having a barbecue tomorrow, this is yesterday, and I was like, we're doing the regs. And he's like, well that's everyone I was gonna invite. I thought he's having it tomorrow.

Starting point is 00:43:40 He's having it tomorrow now. To change it to tomorrow because of this. That's so funny. Yeah. They were like. That's how much of a jug's having it tomorrow now. He changed it to tomorrow because of this. That's so funny. Yeah. They were like. That's how much of a juggernaut we are. Yeah. Feel the power, Ari's barbecue.

Starting point is 00:43:51 You're on Tuesday now. Take that. Who has a barbecue during the week? Have it on Sunday. I know. Sunday. We don't have jobs, but we do have jobs. Yeah, but we have fucking shit to do.

Starting point is 00:44:01 What you changing in your head, you. Also, a fucking, an October barbecue is a little crazy. It's 80 degrees today It is it yeah, it's very nice. It's beautiful. It is gorgeous. We're in here. Let's cut it short Dan What how much time do we have left two minutes guys do your plugs and let's go play outside? Did you just fart no somebody over there did though? Do you remember playing out the It was a banger. Yeah, like going outside. Do you plan outside rules?

Starting point is 00:44:27 I do it all the time. Do you remember calling your friends to see if they could? You had to like check. No, we just went to people's door. But you both. Yeah, you went to the door. Those were calling your friends. If your friend was far fucking away, you're not going to ride your bike.

Starting point is 00:44:38 I never had friends far away. All my friends were in the block around the corner. Bobby, when you were a kid, you had to call the operator, and then they would call your friend's house. Calling 15, 15, calling 12, 12, pick up. Robert Kelly wants to know if you want to go play a little. When I was a kid. You want to play marbles. You want to play marbles against the blacks?

Starting point is 00:44:57 When I was a kid, they had one phone in the kitchen. Yeah. That was it. One phone in the kitchen with a big, long fucking cord. I remember when we got a cordless phone, I was like, what are we in space? I can't fucking walk anywhere with this thing. The antenna.

Starting point is 00:45:10 Yeah. And then when you, how gratifying it was, they closed it. Yeah, but when everybody's screwing. Nine years old, you make a business deal, we're getting Pizza Hut. It's coming through. That was 2.5 gigahertz,

Starting point is 00:45:22 and when everybody got the same phone, it fucked up the reception. Oh yeah, so you had to get to five. You had to listen to your neighbor's calls. Yeah, that was 2.5 gigahertz and when everybody got the same phone it fucked up the reception Oh yeah, so you had to get to five gigahertz You had to listen to your neighbors calls Yeah, that was wild This kid Paulie who ended up killing himself years later RIP I remember dude when we were in like the 8th grade

Starting point is 00:45:35 He was talking like his girlfriend And he was, and I was like listening in And he was crying to her about how he was ugly Oh It was, it was dude, I was like Hold on, are we going to uncover that you led to Paulie killing himself? was, it was, it was, hold on. Are we going to uncover that you led the poly telling him the funniest thing I ever did? Listen to the whole, you're fucking ugly.

Starting point is 00:45:50 He goes, I swear to God, if anyone calls me, I'm going to kill myself. And he's like, I heard you ugly piece of shit. He goes, this is terrible. That's sad. What? Polly, I feel sad for him. What if I told you, I don't mean to Phil Donahue you.

Starting point is 00:46:05 What if I told you that was Polly Shore? I got, you know what? Damn. Phil Donahue our new sponsor. Oh yeah. Uh, gentlemen, let's take a quick moment and thank one of our brand new sponsors, which is Huell. That's H U E out. The world's number one complete nutrition brand trusted by millions. This is essentially a meal and a milkshake and I see Bobby's eyes glistening. As soon as I said milkshake, he was like, who doesn't like a milkshake? Dude, honestly, Bobby loves a milkshake. I'm on team Bobby with this one. If I could have every meal be a milkshake, I'm absolutely on board. And this is full of nutrients. This is full of nutrients. It takes essentially no time to make. You've got to check out Huell. Huell tastes like a milkshake and lets you fuel up on the go, designed by experts to

Starting point is 00:46:51 give your body all the nutrients you need from a full meal. Huell makes it the easiest you've ever had. I don't want to eat broccoli. You want to eat broccoli? No, I'd rather drink a chocolate milkshake. If it's flash, if you like saute it a little bit. I do like a little braggle garlic. I mean if you are here go get some broccoli Here comes the airplane. I'm like, all right fine Where's the success they're gonna land it's carrying a whole lot of that with a hulshay Kenya The trucks coming into port

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Starting point is 00:47:42 That makes it easier. Unlock a healthier, easier way to eat with fuel nutritionally complete meals in minutes so you can focus on what really matters but you guys should be good time to bring up the topic did you know did he kill actual oh I got one wait when did why did he kill himself I like that we had a judge you did you let him know that you heard no I never told oh I thought you made fun of him none and I would know he was talking about how ugly I never told him. Oh, I thought you made fun of him. No, no, no. No, he was talking about how ugly he was,

Starting point is 00:48:07 and Lewis heard him. And I did cackle and laugh to myself. On my back porch as I listened to the entire call. Just fucking. Hey, he's lonely, but how lonely were you that you had to listen to somebody else's call? Not as lonely as ugly Pauly. He's like, promise you won't tell anybody this?

Starting point is 00:48:21 I'm so ugly, and Lewis is like, fucking kidding. It sucks. It's like, promise you won't tell anybody this. I'm so ugly. And Lewis is like, it's fucking good. It sucks. Yeah, old cordless phones ruled. And you're right, taking the antenna off to whip each other was. Yeah. Yeah, it would start to go fuzzy.

Starting point is 00:48:36 You have to keep on changing the channel on it. Yeah. That was great. Yeah. Great times. Those are the good fucking days, folks. Yeah, when I was a kid, you used to hang out with the kids on your block like there was

Starting point is 00:48:46 Every block had a group of kids people don't have kids anymore like that's not my block Moved to it died off. There was no kids on the fucking block. You live in Elm Street. No I don't know what's going on. Anyways, there's a story of this pedophile. They got burned in a basement I think we all the kids keep dying in my neighbor. I don't know.'s going on. Anyways, there's a story of this pedophile that got burned in a basement. All the kids keep dying in my neighborhood. I don't know, there's some weird shit. They're like finding them outside. They got clawed to death. Wait, I had a good one too. Say it again. When... fuck. When I was a kid...

Starting point is 00:49:17 No, your neighborhood. When you moved there. Oh, neighborhoods. The kids... the neighborhood dies. No kids in the block? No kids in the block. No kids in the block. That's funny. That is funny. Wait, so you moved there? Whoa!

Starting point is 00:49:31 Polly hung himself tough. Well, the grandparents moved there, they have kids. Those kids grew up in Leave, those people get old, and then the neighborhood dies, and then you have to have whole new families, wait for those people to die, sell their houses, and then new families move in, hopefully have kids, and then the have to have whole new families wait for those people to die sell their houses and then new families move in Hopefully have kids and then the block becomes alive again

Starting point is 00:49:49 So there's like a 30 year period where there's no children in certain my neighborhood that I move the last neighborhood I moved into when we moved there max was the only kid in the whole fucking neighborhood Really when we left there was like four or five kids on the block By the time we said because I always wonder about this I'm like how does like I'm from Whitman Massachusetts and there's just always a football team and always a track team and always whatever amount of kids graduating I'm like how do we keep having kids for every grade yeah I think eventually there would be like four fifth graders. Yeah but when

Starting point is 00:50:19 you have like a neighborhood of people that live there and they don't move and their kids move they're there until they die Right like people didn't move back in the day. They just lived in the same house for you You'd have old people on your street. You have old people on your street And then you know and then my grandmother's my grandmother's street had like 50 kids In the like a two block radius because they they used to have like eight kids back in the day catholics and shit Oh, yeah They just had as many kids until they stopped fucking my neighbor was like that. There was always 40 kids Yeah, now people have one kid two kids. Maybe yeah, that was my neighborhood had I feel like 40 kids in it

Starting point is 00:50:53 Yeah You can't afford to have eight kids poor kids poor kids have a lot of or poor neighborhoods rather have a lot of kids And I'm okay. So I my neighborhood was just tons a little fucking shit kids It's a little grubby kid just like yeah, like you're watching, you're like, well, like the way it works is like none of us are going to like really get into any other like social class. Like, like nobody really like, like I probably. Except you did.

Starting point is 00:51:14 I'm probably, I mean, I have to be by far the biggest success story out of anyone who came from Benson Street in the 80s. Dude, Benson Street is a fucking. It's not that high of a bar, but yeah. Do you know anybody that's still from there? Like... No, once in a while I will look up my racist bullies and see how they're doing.

Starting point is 00:51:32 Yeah, are they working at Equinox? Yeah, they're doing... God, that'd be great if that was a long play. I just moved to Battery Park City, it's all kids. Thousands of kids, everywhere. Everyone has a kid. It's exciting. But you have to live in a park made of batteries.

Starting point is 00:51:50 Wow. Um, wow. Eat that. That was bad. Snort that. You know what it is though, it's true, because in my apartment building, when I see a kid, I'm almost like, what are you doing here?

Starting point is 00:51:59 How do you live in this apartment building? When we were driving around to get the new house, we would look and make sure there was like basketball hoops. Yeah, there you go. Shit like that around. Yeah. Because there was a couple neighborhoods. There was a couple neighborhoods that would just rich. Yeah. And it's like, this is going to suck. But you don't want too many basketball hoops if you know what I mean. No, you want one or two. You want to make sure the rims have nets on them. Yeah, not chains. If you catch what we're picking up. You find a handball court, you're like, not this neighborhood.

Starting point is 00:52:26 Hahaha. Hahaha. Ooh, tennis, pickleball, alright, we're in. Yeah, there's a tennis court like walking distance from my house. We had a, we had like a run down one in my neighborhood where we played baseball all the time. It was like our baseball diamond. We have a tennis court near our house too. I love my new neighborhood so much.

Starting point is 00:52:44 Are you all moved in now? The sauna's not unpacked. No, not yet. The downstairs, all the downstairs is shut down for the next few days. It's being painted. But the bathroom, my bathroom is fucking sick dude. You know my bathroom. Yeah, you do. Good bathroom. This is the best bathroom of all bathrooms. Tell me the best, alright, ready?

Starting point is 00:53:02 Tell me the top three things about it. Heated floor. That's sick when you get those do but it's on my phone So in the morning I can hit the floor heat it to where I want it And then when I go in it goes through you it goes I thought I'm telling you in February That's gonna be I thought it was gonna be bullshit, but it goes through your feet up into your body and hugs you Mmm, it's one of the greatest things. Don't get electrocuted. We should preface this to the listeners. Your heated floor doesn't actually hug you.

Starting point is 00:53:30 I know, but it feels like a hug. I'm sure they could have figured that out. You and the floor are both heated. You have a temper. The second thing, the light. Hold on, I need that, because the angle that I watched Joe enjoy his own joke was very funny to me.

Starting point is 00:53:46 That's pretty good. You both heated. Second thing, the fan in the bathroom. Oh, you have a fan. Is a light. Just one fan. I love you, Bob. Bobby, here's toilet paper.

Starting point is 00:53:54 You know what? Yeah. You know what, Dave, you were funny. The fan is a light that you can change the colors to any mood, but it also has a speaker in it. So you can hook your phone up into it. That's sick. And you can listen to music.

Starting point is 00:54:06 Porn is actually, you're gonna play porn accidentally out of that thing so quick. Yeah, and then the shower is seven feet by five feet. Bench. Like you. That was good. That's really good. Seven feet by five feet.

Starting point is 00:54:24 And it has. That was a precision strike. It has four shower heads. But the rain... Four shower heads? You know the rainfall one on top? How it's usually just not rainfall. This one... This is actual rain versus a cloud.

Starting point is 00:54:40 It's fucking gross, dude. It's pond water. I fucking... Honestly, I've got to take a second shower after the rain shower because I'm fucking filthy. We have a whole ecosystem in the ceiling of my... I'm telling you it's very sensitive. It's it's... It sounds amazing. I had to have it shipped to New Hampshire because it wasn't legal in New York. So the shower and my shower... Wait, did you just hit me with you have an illegal shower in New York City You know the wand the wand. Yeah, you stick it up your butt. I have a Komodo dragon in my shower Injured, you know how they used to find crocodiles in the Bronx

Starting point is 00:55:15 That kind of shower the the it has I got to go to Cuba to get the shower head I'm meeting the guy in a fucking alley the wand You know it has all the different functions on the one yeah, this one has a mist So it comes out like a mist that's it on you my joke just missed a minute ago That was good, and then so that's three and then the actual mirror itself It tells you awesome things about yourself some things about yourself. Mirror, mirror on the wall. The mirror itself has, you know, the time, the temperature,

Starting point is 00:55:48 has a light behind it, light on it, but then when you open it up, mirror inside, light inside. Nice. So you were stealing money from us when the show was going on. Obviously, he was having a lot of money. Why KWD made some coin? I didn't make anything.

Starting point is 00:56:04 Something's up here. I'll tell you what, you know what it did, it made you fucks, WUD made some coin on our backs. Didn't make anything. Something's up here. I tell you what. But you never lied, really. You know what it did? It made you fucks. Then you took off and left me. That is true. Shout out to everyone that supported.

Starting point is 00:56:12 I did well. Thanks for us leaving. I did well. When I sold my house, I did very well. That house I got for a fucking steal. You did a lot to it. I did a lot to it and then the market was perfect and then when I sold it I did better way better

Starting point is 00:56:25 I wanted to do good I did better than I thought good so it was good and we took all that money and put it into the bathroom Brand new kitchen to the kitchen sick. We got to come up Finish it up almost done. He doesn't care about us. No, I do. I'm gonna throw a party I bet you Louise been there. He's been there. No. No one's been there. I haven't invited anybody over. The coach, you know, this is fucked up. We ordered this sick coach with like automatic recliners and the back comes up. It's sneezed everywhere? Sick. We can't, no, that was a good one. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Starting point is 00:57:01 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I will step in. If Lewis did that, he'd be so pumped. He'd be talking about it for a month. No way. There's a bomb. I sneeze on a couch. You can't get a coach. If you order a coach, it doesn't come for six months.

Starting point is 00:57:10 I don't understand. It's like my wife. You got to go to the... You have to ask them what they haven't stopped. He's fucking back, baby. I only shop for what they haven't stopped. Yeah, that is true though. When we bought a couch, we moved in this place. Every other place was like nine months, maybe.

Starting point is 00:57:26 Yeah, you're like, tell me what we can get in a month. And then we went to Blue Dot over here on Madison and they were like, we got this couch in the back. Was the Indian guy, oh, hello. I'm not Red Dot, I am Blue Dot. And now the couch is in the back. You can touch it. It is in.

Starting point is 00:57:39 Woo. Woo. What? Hallelujah. Hey, all right, I like it. Yeah. Okay. What's up? So you didn't get the couch you picked? Woo! What, golly, wooly! Hey, all right, I like it. Shit! Okay. What's up?

Starting point is 00:57:47 So you didn't get the couch you picked? No, we did, but we have to, it's not coming until December, the week before Christmas. Oh, okay, what are you guys sitting on, fold out your chairs? And it's gonna end up getting on back order. I did this once, I got a couch,

Starting point is 00:57:57 and it was gonna be two months, and I was like, fuck it, I love this couch so much, the most comfortable couch ever. Then a week out, they're like, oh, sorry, back order, it was gonna be another two months. And then I ended up just returning it. I love this couch so much the most comfortable couch ever then a week out They're like up. Sorry backwater was gonna be another two months Oh, and I ended up just returning getting a different couch. Yeah, it's uh, no, it's a sick cup Yeah, my dog gave me six months to live I couldn't afford the bill he gave me another six months It's good to see you guys good to see you too, it's not a lot of fun It's gonna be it's gonna be a long month. What, you hit this topic. Oh, let's get to it then.

Starting point is 00:58:29 Can we do plugs and then a stoppick? Plugs! Plugs and Topics! Too big! Plugs and Topics! Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da who's going first I'll go first November 9th town hall I am not close to selling out folks get him there do you get him there he is genuinely prolific thank you I have about 7,000 tickets short on this one when does this come out this week Wednesday now Madison this week I'm in Madison Wisconsin best goddamn comedy club on earth all weekend Thursday Friday Saturday can't wait I'm shooting my special Sunday money those are sold out November 9th I'm doing town hall here in New York City and then first time ever I'm working San Diego December 5th oh where you get I don't know

Starting point is 00:59:21 American Comedy Company that November dates fake that kinside. Oh, yeah, you're American Comedy Company Yeah, America. I'm gonna come to that place is the seventh low ceilings in a basement. It can fucking rip Where is that San Diego? So those are my only three dates Mattis this year Madison this weekend November 9th town hall and San Diego, New York City go see Joe list He's got a new hour. You're gonna basically get to see the special before the special. It's fucking incredible November 9th 7 p.m. Town Hall I November 9th will be in Toronto Canada at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre first show sold out

Starting point is 00:59:55 second show is on sale the 930 and then The following week I will be in Tampa at side splitplitters, the 14th through the 16th with Brendan Sagalow is going to be with me. So that'll be a fun weekend. Nice. Should be emotional. And then November 21st through the 23rd, I'll be coming back to the Pittsburgh Improv. DanSoder.com for tickets.

Starting point is 01:00:23 Also Milwaukee, December 7th go get tickets please because it seems like you guys don't want me to come there it's how it feels with the ticket sales I'm just kidding but please go buy tickets for real though I love you guys Turner Hall Milwaukee let's fucking go go subscribe to the regs on everything everywhere you find podcasts Go give us a like share it with a friend Grow the regs this weekend coming up if you're watching live port comedy club, Baltimore, Maryland on Thursday through Saturday Love that club and then on Sunday I am in Washington DC then Toronto later on in November the 15th and the 16th at the Killbox comedy and

Starting point is 01:01:03 But to mother stuff all the dates are going up on my website. Brand new tour for 2025, the Bring Five Friends Tour. That's great. I fucking, honestly is that name? That's the name of it, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's brilliant. Yeah, yeah, if you bring five friends, you're gonna be entered in a raffle

Starting point is 01:01:18 for something or other. I'll figure it out. Something or other? Something or other, any party's the sixth or more. And yeah, come see me, it's lewisofskanks.com. You grab those tickets and more. And yeah, just check out all my other podcasts, Legion of Skanks, the new Lewis and Zach show, uh, everywhere you find podcasts. And of course, the story wars available everywhere you guys find podcasts.

Starting point is 01:01:37 Go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. I'm in point pleasant October 26 for two shows. And then I'm doing the Boston Comics Come Home November 2nd. Didn't get the invite again. I'm plugging for you, kid. And then 5 o'clock show, November 3rd, me and Ari at the Miami Improv. That's going to sell out. And then Wichita the 15th of November, the 16th of November,

Starting point is 01:02:00 Fort Smith, Arkansas. And then I'm in Morris Plain, New Jersey on the 22nd and 23rd. And then December, Beacon, New York, Kansas City, January, blah, blah, blah. Go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. And they'll tell you where I'm going to be closest to you. And make sure you check out this podcast, The Regs. Click subscribe. And bone to pick.

Starting point is 01:02:18 And you know what, dude? Also December 11th, we're doing the Gramercy, right? I should write that down. I should write that down. I should write that down. I should write that down. this podcast, the regs, click subscribe and bone to pick and you know what dude. Also December 11th we're doing the Gramercy right? I should write that down. I should write that down too. Right? I think so. Somebody set that up. Yeah I set it up and forgot about it. But yeah you bet. December 11th we're doing the Yankee Swap, our Christmas, our famous Christmas episode. Live? Live. Hitty doesn't know this guys. Because I don't think we talked about it. We did talk about it in text the other day. Christmas episode. Live? Live, how do you guys know this guys? This is a big deal.

Starting point is 01:02:45 I don't think we talked about it. We did talk about it in text the other day. I wasn't around. So yeah, it's gonna be our Yankee Swap live at the Gramercy Theater. It's gonna be fucking huge. Special guests everywhere. No one's not special.

Starting point is 01:02:57 We might have a special Santa Claus. We have had special guest Santa Claus before. We'll see who we might have. Chris Rock. Heard it here first. Yeah. Bobby, Bobby Bobby Bobby. There's Bobby and there's Nick. There's niggers. Whoa. There's black people. I hate niggers. He hates niggers. Get a shot of me not laughing or smiling. He's negative. Get a shot of me not laughing or smiling. Dan quit again. Dan. Oh he's back. You haven't done that joke. He's back. He's back. Do you want to hear my topic? Do you have a topic or did you guys trick me into getting a topic and no one else had a topic?

Starting point is 01:03:36 I have a topic. I have a topic. I might have a topic. I always have a topic. Bobby doesn't have a topic. I have a topic. He hasn't thought about it. I've always had a topic. If Bobby's good at improv, then he's gonna just throw the topic out. I am good at improv. I am good at improv. That's how you get to Bobby. You tell the truth, but I give him a compliment. You look great.

Starting point is 01:03:53 I have a topic. I always have a topic. Every week I've had a topic. Every show. And then I bring the topic up, and you smash the topic. And then it winds up being all right. That's true.

Starting point is 01:04:02 It's true. It's true. Just like you guys did with Storm Chasing. Storm Chasing was fine. Wait, we did Storm Chasing already? We made it into something. Fuck. We saved Storm Chasing.

Starting point is 01:04:11 Joe, what do you think? I have two topics. I don't know if it's glad I can pull. Oh! You know what, Joe said he was gonna bring one for me. Maybe I'll throw a hole. Two topic Joe list, okay. Joe said he was gonna bring my topic too.

Starting point is 01:04:20 So one of these technically is a group project. Alright, which one is Dan's? Okay, this one's Dan's. Yes. Would you rather be able to paint and draw really well or do magic really well? I mean, like, you could, like, see these drawings and sketch, like, you can just draw unbelievably well.

Starting point is 01:04:35 Louis is getting his topic from Zach right now. No, I'm not. He's doing it for me. I'm gonna write my topic, that's gonna forget it. No, he's using chat GBT. This is a text, I'm not gonna send it to you, idiot. It's a text from Kim Congdon, okay? And I'm gonna just write my topic. Let's sort of forget it. No, you're not using chat. GBT is the text. I'm not going to send it. It's a text from Kim Congdon. Okay. And I'm going to just write my thing there. Does it say I need a topic right now? Ask her for a

Starting point is 01:04:51 tasteful nude for us. Tasteful nude. Yeah. You know what? That's a good point. Just to make sure that it's for the four of us only or just me. So magic or magic or you can do magic really well. And I know you're pretty good at magic, but or really you're pretty good at magic but or You're pretty good at drawing but like I'm talking not on the road Very well It's a great joke

Starting point is 01:05:27 Like we do with boss when boss is like yeah, you're a middle. We have to go, ah, ah, ah, middle. Okay, okay. It's time to go home now. You got to go home now. Bonnie's here. The van's outside. Uh-huh. You got a Rolex.

Starting point is 01:05:39 So you know what time your daughter's hungry. Here we go. Voss is like, ah, you stink, you fucking open mic early. He's like boss, I'm pretty sure we've all passed you with this business three times over. If I'm lucky, I'm gonna get a spot on the A list. He goes, that hasn't been on TV since 1989. Can you guys put in a good word for me with Byron Allen?

Starting point is 01:06:03 Anyways, so you could draw like a fucking, I could just draw a perfect hobby or I could be like, you know, real magic, like real magic. Real magic. Dark shit. Very good. Real magical power.

Starting point is 01:06:15 Nah, you can fuck any woman you want. We're talking about Haitian, we're talking about like a witch doctor. I'm talking about, I do this, Dan fucking, his head is full of magic. Oh, ah, ah. A giant snake crawls out of his mouth. Inno solo halal noel.

Starting point is 01:06:29 Dark magic you're talking about. You're talking about really tapping into some evil. I did that to you San Francisco 49. You got so mad at me. First off we lost Super Bowl 47 because of you. And body called me, he's like, Inno wad nisam wad na. That's a curse, now your team's gonna fucking lose dude.

Starting point is 01:06:44 Before the Super Bowl. You got mad. you got really mad. I was so mad He made me take the number of the Super Bowl. I do I'm retarded you mean a year You made me take the curse off. Yeah, it work Stained it you want magic obviously No, I Wouldn't mind I wouldn't mind drawing. I'm doing I'm doing a cook magic special this year. Are you really? Street magic street this year. Oh, you really? Street Coke Magic. Oh, jeez.

Starting point is 01:07:07 Step on magic. You should call it Coke Magic. I'm going to go to New York, LA, and Austin. You know, David Blaine did it for black people in the hood. I'm going to do it for different comedians and homeless people in different cities. That's fun. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:07:21 I like that. Make sure you get security for the homeless part. No way, dude I'm gonna say I would I would like to do magic Yeah, I would like magic would be the shit. It's fun at a bar. I would love it party I would love to draw Katie like one of my French girls Titanic Second Titanic reference, I would draw cuz that would be awesome if I could sketch you right now I'm already good at magic. So maybe I draw people don't get it, but they get excited over magic. Yeah, but if you sketch watch watch this

Starting point is 01:07:50 Yeah, that's that was crazy that I heard it go off the wall I heard it go off the wall though. It's crazy off the wall. Yeah, you threw it over there. We do that again No, cuz he's got to get the second one hit the wall that I heard you. What would you do Joe? I? Think magic on the big magic fan. It's fun to be able to pull out the tricks. I said drawing. No, I'm talking paint. You could fucking paint and sell it.

Starting point is 01:08:11 You can make money. Sounds like a lot of work. No, man, painting is like, if you're into painting. I'd rather paint. Yeah, you can just put some music on and I just feel like. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna go paint.

Starting point is 01:08:20 Nobody ever, the thing with magic is that people actually enjoy it with you there. Painting, it goes somewhere and you never get the accolades. I would love to give you a housewarming gift of a lovely painting. Yes, and wouldn't it be nice to sit on like the rocks in Maine or whatever and just fucking paint? Oh my god, yes. It's so lonely. No, it's so calm.

Starting point is 01:08:40 I would rather jerk off to porn than paint a painting. I'd rather jerk off to porn than anything a painting. I'd rather jerk off to porn than anything. Well, have fun you fucking dumb magicians. Have fun with bunnies in your ass. Da-da-da-da-da. Look, look. Bobby's low key on fire today. They're missing all of them.

Starting point is 01:08:56 Because they took over everything. Are you noticing that they're missing them? They don't listen, they don't listen. I don't listen. They don't. Why would you pick the best thing in the world to do? What? Jerking off to porn as a bad thing?

Starting point is 01:09:06 Well, I'm just saying I would rather do that like painting is not like therapeutic to me That's cuz you're not good at it You have no idea how I am you suck. I bet you I'm a better painter than you Right now I'm bad at painting. Yeah, I'm saying you suck. I'm not saying I'm good Yeah, you're mad magic is you make people freak the fuck out right there. But some people hate magic and think you're a dork. No. No one thinks you're a dork if you can paint. Who thinks you're a dork? Who thinks magic is fucking dork? Lots of people. And they always want to be like, oh I know what you're doing. You're doing the thing. With painting no one's ever like, oh yeah

Starting point is 01:09:40 yeah you shaded the green. Someone's heckling Bob Ross. Like Danny Braff. You think Danny Braff is fucking cool? The problem is magic comes with autism. The problem is that it comes at a price. Shut up, Danny. You draw me and I'll draw you. All right. Joe's so easy to draw. All this stuff is true. It's two dots, a line, and a circle. Stop looking at me like you know what you're doing. Right now. I would absolutely love to paint. If I could do like a scenery. But then you gotta get all the paint,

Starting point is 01:10:13 you have to have the separate room. Oh, but then that's doing fun. You have to have a separate room for paint. Oh my God, I can yell at paint. Where's my easel? You don't move an easel. Do you? The paintbrushes you'd have to say.

Starting point is 01:10:25 Hey, I wash my brushes. Is that good? Yeah, that's better. If I go like, hey Katie, where are my wash brushes? Yeah, well where's your linseed oil? What's that? That's what you clean the brushes with. Okay. Hey, so let me try that. Hey, have you seen my linseed oil?

Starting point is 01:10:40 I put it right next to your easel. I can't find the easel. I didn't touch it. It's your linseed oil. Hold on. I can't hear you. And then we fight. Just use the alcohol. I felt like a real slice of life if I could paint.

Starting point is 01:10:52 What are you guys drawing? Lewis's is beautiful. Can I tell you that I painted my therapist a few years ago. It was like, you should try painting again. And I actually went and got all the stuff. And I painted a painting for him. And I gave it to him for like Christmas. Yeah, the different expressions.

Starting point is 01:11:07 And he, cause he has all those paintings from his people. And he never put it up. What's the one that used to came out of his bathroom? A year later we got into an argument in therapy and I was like, and I want my fucking painting on the wall. And the next week I came back and it was in front of the bathroom. Yeah, I know exactly what I'm talking about. That was a good painting, dude. Not bad, right? No, it was good

Starting point is 01:11:27 Yeah, I used to walk out of the bathroom and be like, hey, that's a good fucking that hurt that he put it in front Of the bathroom, but you know what that's sometimes when you're the most reflective who let's judge Joe's first Joe reveal your painting of drawing of Lewis With a penis in the mouth is good. I mean that's what we see. How many gold? That's not bad. It's a painting of a guy with a receding hairline. And a giant dick in his mouth. And a giant cock in his mouth. Are those headphones on his ear? Very funny. Okay. He also gave you crazy rings under your eyes. I thought that was a... Yeah, you look a little bit like you got punched or something. Yeah. All right, Louis, review your drawing.

Starting point is 01:12:06 I mean, that's not bad. Honestly, I could pick him out of a line immediately with that. That is not bad. My arms look great. My dick is too small. That's your belly button. Well, you know what I love about the dick, and you really got to zoom in on this.

Starting point is 01:12:16 But he put herpes on it, if you really take a look at it. There's a little mark. There's a little scar right there. There's a little. You've got a tiny mouth. Good thing there's a little mark. That's how I make my money. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:27 Wow. Mine is actually better, though. Sign those, and we'll sell them to the fans on the Bring Five Friends Tour. This will be one of the things. Oh, that's a good match. Yeah, that is good. So that was Dance Topic.

Starting point is 01:12:38 You want to hear my topic? Yeah. Please. Now that I don't know if you guys know kids in high school, or you guys have young kids now that Sexuality is much more except. We're not pedophiles. We need to move for you. You're actually a freak, dude. Let's move on No, we won't have sex with kids anyway All right, let's take a quick moment and thank Lucy for supporting today's show Lucy is

Starting point is 01:13:00 100% pure nicotine always tobacco free. It's not like all the other nicotine pouch companies that are owned by big tobacco. This is like the mom and pop shop. This is mom and pop shop nicotine. This is just the two nicotine farmers. It actually was an idea that my mom had. It was a nicotine farm? Really? We can sell nicotine. And everyone will be hooked. They offer a unique variety of flavors including apple ice, wintergreen, mango, also espresso which is incredible. Four milligrams all the way up to 12 milligrams. Bobby I know you love Lucy. I do I love Lucy. You got any more to get a Lucy in your mouth right now? I got a Lucy I always have a

Starting point is 01:13:38 Lucy in my mouth. Bad boy. Level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy.co slash regs, R-E-G-Z, and use the promo code regs to get 20% off your first order. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine and nicotine is an addictive chemical. See Dan, I can do that little fun thing at the end too. Yeah, but then you didn't let me do my true, you didn't let me stick the landing,

Starting point is 01:14:07 which is that's Lucy.co, and use the code regs to get 20% off, and always free shipping. If you were in high school. We're back. Anyway. Come back in from an ad after that. If you were in high school now, that sexuality is so acceptable,

Starting point is 01:14:21 do you think you would try out, like now to like try cock, Bobby, we know the answer to this obviously what but you suck the dick for a steak no I was thinking more that you like you trans ladies kind of I thought we're still with history he has my whole life ahead of me I would you try gay shit now that in high school like if you think if you went back if you were in high school same you that you were but now Maybe not the same my friends gay shit was kind of acceptable. Yeah. Whoa my crew. My crew was a little bit I don't think we would have done like kissing each other and stuff

Starting point is 01:14:55 But like slap each other's dicks or something my friend James Meekam and my friend Dan Prusch full names real names They made out cannot edit it out Said full names they made out with each other on likeot edit it out. They're sad. Full names. They made out with each other on like the junior prom party bus. Everyone was getting drunk. They were like, we're just going to start making out. Oh, that's gay. Gay shit.

Starting point is 01:15:13 Yeah, dude. And then they all went to go see Radiohead and cried together. It was all this homo shit that was going on in my crew. What is gay? Really? Kissing each other or crying at Radiohead? They're both pretty gay. So you're saying that you're back in high school now, where being gay isn't this crazy thing.

Starting point is 01:15:29 Well, when I was in high school, the idea of like someone coming out of the closet, What is this? What is this? All of a sudden. Joe's actual penis. Oh, that's actually not my actual penis. What is the context? That's a person drawing.

Starting point is 01:15:41 We had someone draw Joe's penis based on Sarah's description. Bob, you look great in this photo. But what was the context? What were we discussing? That would be a penis draws penis. Oh, okay. So it looks like the couple that won the bidding for the painting. The artist that didn't we discuss how like, you know, you bring things up. It was, can I understand Heather? It was technically 10 minutes ago, 10 minutes ago. We mentioned Joe's penis. You just randomly bring it up and down. Like nobody really got it. I'm not saying it was completely wrong. I'm just saying the timing was really poor. It's like dial up internet. You like typed it in 20 minutes ago. Like guys, it's ready. Joe, what were you saying? Like when I was in high school, nobody was

Starting point is 01:16:24 like out of the closet. That was insane. nobody was like out of the cloth that was insane since that was unbacked Oh, especially in Boston for someone to be like I'm gay like you would just be that was like a pall Yeah, you knew the high size is they went to like Rocky horror picture show right you knew they were gay But I would never out there. It wasn't it wasn't an option in my friend I knew you were gay to be like oh, maybe we'll fucking suck. No, I have two other friends who I talked about this in my my act They did suck each other off. This is crazy because you act like you're from some tough crazy town earlier What do I like you were like Benson Street? I'm the most successful guy. We were all Honey Benson Street

Starting point is 01:17:05 It's all gay prostitutes. You've never been to bed? We call that power. It's called power bottom alley. It's like West Hollywood in the 80s. Oh my god, it was Studio 54, but on the street. Everyone's covered in glitter and kissing. No, earlier I literally was like, oh, he's from the streets. It was like shattered glass.

Starting point is 01:17:22 I know what you mean. You're like, we all fucked in the ass. It was like shattered glass Like we all Know this but then we got the high school so no where I grew up when I was a little kid Benson Street was extremely poor White trash I was like one of the one of the two or three brown people on the block They say cuck. Yeah, you did say cut for a second. I was one of the cucks. Go ahead. So And but then the time I got to high school, whatever, whosoever faggot laugh that was needs to be actually murdered.

Starting point is 01:17:52 Why do you fucking pop a laugh? You should get all whipped up. Somebody should die over there, whoever that was. See, like, if that didn't exist when we were in high school. So it's true. The worst thing you could be called when we were young was gay. So then by the time I got to middle school

Starting point is 01:18:05 I was hanging out with mostly like brown kids and like Latinos because I was raised I was Where I was raised was like white trash racist kids So then I found like friends that were brown and I was like, oh shit. Yeah, what's up, homie? I'm then I became that kid up until like the ninth grade then I returned to my white roots I got the giggles I returned to my white roots when I got the giggles. I got the giggles too. I returned to my white roots when I got to the ninth grade and I joined a band, Salty Black Flower, and then my friends started kissing.

Starting point is 01:18:32 So that's what it was, you joined the arts. Yeah, you had the gayest upbringing of all of us. And then all the boys started kissing each other. And then my two friends who will remain nameless would suck each other's dicks after school every day. So they were just full on gay. But how old are they? No, they're straight now.

Starting point is 01:18:46 How old are they? This is in 10th grade maybe? I don't know. You're blowing a kid in high school. I don't know. Yeah, high school, you know. It stops being molestation after freshman year. Yeah, dude.

Starting point is 01:18:56 High school is gay. I think what it was, these kids were going through a time, and we talked about it before, about growing up on porn. We were super overly, the 90 nineties what was so overly sexualized like MTV and every show was like fucking just watching your face it was you were so horny and these kids were just dweebs and they could not get any girls to suck their dicks so they would just suck each other's dicks after school every day and fucking we all knew about it when none of us really made fun of them because it

Starting point is 01:19:24 was their only outlet yeah they just wanted to come maybe I was in a bubble but we didn't have any it's also like a funny way to like gay rationalize they go well we can't get girls so let's suck each other's dick that's like prison yeah yeah Benson Street being a nerd being a nerd is that live have them suck each other so you're saying you could have been gay in high Yeah, Benson Street being a nerd being a nerd is like live Have them suck each other eat so you're saying you could have been gay in high school Every opportunity, okay, and you never did anything nobody would have but did you not really? Okay interesting Nobody showed interest in you Nobody should interest me and they wouldn't have judged me

Starting point is 01:19:59 Hmm, that's pretty no boys. It's pretty progressive. There was a couple out. There was a couple kids that were out This is blowing my mind. Yeah, we had kids that were out nice I'm from like I'd have any kids that were out You know in Boston I grew up an hour outside of New York City So we just had a little like the suburbs in New York still had a little bit of like Influence like there were kids who were like trying to like fucking like we had a pretty big music community as well So that's a little that's like yes Jason trying to like fucking like we had a pretty big music community as well so that's a little that's like Jason singing is one of the gayest things you can do so we had a lot of like I know but nyack West nyack like that like that

Starting point is 01:20:35 whole area was like a lot of like just fucking art fags and our kids and like whoa yeah they would it would like spill over it would spill over into our and I was in musical theater it was like a little bit of gayness there. There's a lot of gayness in musical theater. That's where it's all contained when you're growing up. I don't think there was any gay kids in musical theater. There was more like the girls were probably hooking up with each other.

Starting point is 01:20:54 There was like a lot of lesbian shit. In my high school, band was all fucking each other, but all the gay kids were in musical theater. In my high school, the kids that were definitely gay were not out of the closet, but they were definitely like, hey. Did they have to act like they liked pussy? Yeah, they had to.

Starting point is 01:21:11 I remember I worked at this restaurant and one of the guy's sons was gay, but it was an Italian thing. It was just like, hey, Robert. Hi, Bobby. I was like, this guy's gay. And he's like, no, I just love girls. He had a girlfriend.

Starting point is 01:21:24 I can't stop eating pussy. Yeah. I just can't stop doing it. That always blows me away when there's a guy who has the gay accent, but says they aren't gay. That's fucking weird to me. I did this gig 15 years ago. It was in Oklahoma.

Starting point is 01:21:42 And it was like a one. Oklahoma. It was for a comedy festival and I flew in the night before and got dinner with everybody and the lady who organized the festival who was great her sister was so hot she was so hot that you were like oh you don't

Starting point is 01:21:58 understand you could go to LA or New York and be hot there you're just in bumfuck Oklahoma and I was like I felt sorry I was like I're just in bum fuck Oklahoma. And I was like, I felt sorry. I was like, I'm in love with this woman. And I was like, is your sister coming to dinner? And she's like, yeah. And then she walked in and she was like, this is my husband. And he was like, it's so nice to meet you. And I was like, this motherfucker, she's got a gay husband. Yeah, it's weird. When they, I try looking them up once in a while to see if he came out like Harrison green bomb I've I'm like dude, just tell me but he's married. Is he married? He's married to a woman and he's like

Starting point is 01:22:32 I'm not gay and he's Like I love my husband How cool how fucking great what it must have be though if you suppress it all those years and then finally you're like Okay to be though if you suppress it all those years and then finally you're like I'm gay! You must go fucking nuts. Who had the joke? I think it was Metzger. He goes even if I could read his thoughts and none of his thoughts were gay I would still think he's gay. This is a really funny joke. Yeah the gay accent is on guys who aren't gay is fucking weird.

Starting point is 01:23:07 That's just crazy. Bob, if you went to high school now, everything's just open. I have nieces and nephews in high school, everybody's gay, bisexual. I think it's like a stage now for people where they literally are going like I'm gay and then they're like gay for a year. I don't know, my son's at middle school age now.

Starting point is 01:23:23 I feel like it's not as like out there as, I just feel like there's not many like gay kids. There's not that many, there's no trans kids. Middle school is like, I still, yeah, high school. High school is where it's at. Yeah, I'm talking like 15, 16, 17. They have trans stuff at Max's new school. Like an after school thing for,

Starting point is 01:23:43 they then. It's a wood chipper? I go, damn, all right, get right to it. like an after school thing for They that's a wood chipper Damn, all right Chester goes home. I'll tell you what you're gonna identify as mulch We're fucking after school program fucking done with you Chipper, yeah son daughter don't fucking matter. It's a pile of shit now. Yeah, we call her Chim Chum. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:24:12 My high school had a gay club called Galap. The Glee Club. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, we had a gay club that we used to beat them with. That's fun, too. That was gold. Come on, folks. That was fun too. Come on folks.

Starting point is 01:24:25 That was fun too. A lot of gay hate. What are you writing down Joe? I'm just scribbling because this is a nice pen. I've never, I've had so many opportunities to be gay. I just, it's just not, I think it's in you. You know what I mean? I've had fucking.

Starting point is 01:24:38 When I moved to New York. So many opportunities. And when I went like Brazil. Oh yeah. I could have just went and gayed off and nobody would have known. Yeah, you would have came back. Where's Bobby? He's fucking. Dude, every time I go to a Brazilian steakhouse I'm like,, I could have just went and gait off and nobody would have known. Where's Bobby? He's fucking.

Starting point is 01:24:46 Dude, every time I go to a Brazilian steakhouse, I'm like, look at these waiters. More meat, more meat, more meat. Green, green, green, green, green, red. I'm full of meat. I fucking hate the Brazilian steakhouse. They just keep giving you that chicken with the bacon. Yeah, stop.

Starting point is 01:25:01 Just give me the fucking meat. I know what it is. You know what I want? You know what we have to do? We haven't done it in a while. We gotta do the all dude fucking lunch that we used to fucking do. In January. Let's do it, the first Monday of January.

Starting point is 01:25:10 It used to be the first, we did it for like five years in a row. It was very fun. We have a wonderful picture of the four of us. And we have a fucking way cooler crew now. And you talk about anxiety. The anxiety of picking your seat there, that was tough.

Starting point is 01:25:23 You're locked in. Stop being a psycho, just pick a seat. No, there's some real stinkers. I would like grab soda and be like we'd have to go to the table as a group. They go we're sitting this is where we're sitting. Lock arms. Yeah it was like a sit-in. I'm not gonna name names, but there was some fucking Oh man, you know what's funny is they'd come around that window when they'd walk in and you go, yeah, shit. Stuck in between Josh and Myers and Mike Fennoyer. Rename myself Big J.

Starting point is 01:25:56 Hey, they're great, they're all on the Patreon. Come on, folks. No, but we should do it. And it was all, the beautiful part was all men. The beautiful part. No women allowed. What a fucking great time boys only boys only remember when they did the Laker Awards We get you guys weren't at the Laker Awards. Were you there? You weren't I went to one of them. What is it? Laker Awards they did so Chris Laker had no Yannis and Nate and Chris Laker any moment He's gonna cut me off and finish the story for me

Starting point is 01:26:27 Yeah You have to psychologically destroy Dan before the problem arises No, I've been I've been silent since he said I was a bad listener Then I've been being quiet. I'm just I'm gonna work on that. So I'm gonna work on being Being fucking gaslighting Joe Those three gaslighting this evidence all over the place. I'm like, hey, did you see the story with Like four times it happened once about the Red Sox you need to let go of it I can't really harboring it a couple times. You clearly clearly harboring it. A couple times. You're clearly holding on to it.

Starting point is 01:27:05 It happened today. Hurry up, I'm peckish. Laker, Nate, and Yannis, I'll tell it as fast as I can so we can unleash you. Laker, Yannis. I'm back, dude. I'm powered down. You're getting 20%. And, uh, fucking Nate had a podcast, and Yannis and Nate were starting to have some heat.

Starting point is 01:27:19 Laker had no heat, so they're like, let's create a fake award show, name it after him, so we'll get him some buzz. They called it the Laker Awards, and it worked. He got new faces that year, like three months later. Anyways, it was a fake award show name it after him so again some buzz the call the lake rewards and it worked he got new faces that year like three months later anyways of the whole word show we did a whole big thing and there was one award this is gold they gave best female comedian they put all the names in a bucket just reached around and pulled out and then the woman that one but to make a speech and they

Starting point is 01:27:40 wouldn't let her but that's not a uh... make a speech and they wouldn't let her out. It was gold. And then tell the other part Dan take over. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Starting point is 01:28:01 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh, come on! Yeah! He loves it. He hates voices. Shit. I want to hear his voices. I love voices. I'll have an idea. Damn, take over the voices.

Starting point is 01:28:09 You know how I feel about voices. Please. I told Dan- You want to hear me talk? You can go to my podcast, Soder, and listen to me talk over my guests there. Come on. Neptune Diner, 400 years ago, 1996. I said, Dan, you got to do these voices, you fucking idiot.

Starting point is 01:28:20 And he was like, oh, I don't want to be a hack doing voices. I'm like, you're not a hat. You couldn't possibly be a hack you have a gift use it horse is that a horse the reason they started Chris Laker Awards was because New York did these New York Comedy Awards that were really gay and they tried to give actual comedy awards out and Yannis and Nate thought it'd be funny if they did their own award show based on Chris Laker and we all got very drunk. I still have my award. It was a silver lighter. Yeah me too. I was right at my desk. Most likely to die. Me and Henry

Starting point is 01:28:51 Zabrowski won most likely to die in 2011. You remember the cringe humor awards they used to give? Yeah I think this was a mocking on all those. Yeah like Yannis and Nate wanted to make one. Bobby wanted me to bring up one of his awards Yeah, it was there anyways. It was my first. It was strongest day in Cook opener. It was my second award in my life. That's so fucking funny. Do you guys remember the Crenshu award?

Starting point is 01:29:35 They sucked. I think it's right here. That was where I first said I had herpes. And Sarah came up to me with the three of us shared a cab after. You, by the way, the herpes announcement, everyone was pretty drunk and Joe did it in a way where he thought it's one of those things where he thought he was going to get a reaction. He thought he's going to go, and I got herpes and everyone's going to go, and he goes, and I got herpes and no one said anything. And he goes. I thought that was gonna get a lot more

Starting point is 01:30:08 Okay, our next award it was it was bad the crickets were like It was bad And then it was a girl that I had had sex with and she's like do I need to like get checked out? And I was like no no before that and then Sarah my now wife and mother of my child was like hey I think it's great that you came out and said that and I thought she was telling me I have herpes that she had herpes but she was just a nice person didn't you think she had herpes for a while yeah because she was like good job yeah I thought she was very she was just sweet it's funny if you're like no bitch

Starting point is 01:30:39 it was so bad I walked all the way to the back but then tell about Nate I mean everyone got blacked out Nate was I was outside smoking a cigarette Nate was on was he on your shoulders? How do you get on my shoulders? This is fat Nate not rich Nate You just I just looked over and I just saw Nate rise above There's like bar signs or whatever and then I just saw it just go his Coming in there like blacked out like I fell fucking backwards. And then I come in and they're like blacked out

Starting point is 01:31:03 and they're like, ah, I'm back. I couldn't walk for like a month. I don't know why, I was like, get on my shoulders. And he was like, ah. That was back at Creek in the Cave, right? No, this was. That was bar four. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:31:13 In Brooklyn. Well, you guys all used to hang at Creek in the Cave. That's where you did your standup, right? Yeah. That was, we were the first group to hang out at Creek in the Cave. Yeah. She used to let us get blackout drunk

Starting point is 01:31:23 and do very bad comedy. Oh yeah, and have sex in the hallways. Ooh, who had sex in the hall. She used to let us get blackout drunk and do very bad comedy. Oh yeah, and have sex in the hallways. Who had sex in the hallways? That was like your Boston comedy club. We had Boston comedy club. Yeah, our group was the Creek in the Cave. But we didn't have an audience. Yeah, there was never anybody.

Starting point is 01:31:38 It was open mics and free tacos. Do you remember what she used to do the week at the Creek and she would force the open micers to be your audience? Yes. It was fucking terrible. The first time I did legion of skanks is that the Creek it was like on a phone Downstairs right this mine was upstairs Yeah, well you guys did it in the big theater and then we did in the theater for a while Then we moved to the studio and then we invited people in the way we even came up with a concept to like be Facing away from the audience was because that's how we did it We're in a studio and the people were in bean bags around us.

Starting point is 01:32:06 So when we started doing it in the showroom again, we were like, dude, let's just face each other and kind of have them around us. And yeah, those are the fucking good old days. The creek was awesome. Yeah. Have you been by it recently? The new creek? No, the old location.

Starting point is 01:32:20 Was it a boxing place now? It's in a Thai restaurant. Yeah. It's a Thai restaurant and then kickboxing next to it You're like I want to walk in there because I just remember that room so well Yeah, that showroom and like walking down the stairs your first time I did it was a John F. O'Donnell show Yeah, just Kingdom of Heaven It was used to be an open mic with him and it was like the first comedy show they did there

Starting point is 01:32:39 Derek which was the Donald Glover sketch group would do sketches there and then that open mic that you and I went to very early in our friendship with Bolger Dan Bolger ate a burrito on oh that was the first time I was ever there that's where I met Sarah for the first time she remembers she's like yeah you were with Dan Soder yeah it was me you Bolger and then we Mark Norman was there and it was like fucking Rory Scoville Kumail Nanjiani it was fucking wow that open mic was wild at the creek yeah yeah I remember being outside there and being like, where are we? I didn't realize that was like 10 minutes from my house. We had taken like three trains to get there. And I was like, this is weird. Yeah. It was in a really weird part of Queens.

Starting point is 01:33:16 Yeah. To get there by train, it's kind of weird. The seven train, when you're not used to the seven train is weird as fuck. The G train, it was like, no one rode the G train. And that was how you got there. Cause it would go down the fuck. I can't. It was like no one rode the G train and that was how you got there because it would go down. Imagine getting on a subway right now. What do you guys subway here? Subway today. The subway three times. I was saying I couldn't imagine it. Don't try hard. Just close your eyes. Close your eyes. You'll be on the subway. Subway is the best. Yo man, show time.

Starting point is 01:33:42 Hello. Showtime! Showtime! Hello, hola. Chocolaka. Chocolaka. Ain't my name? Ain't my name, Chocolaka. That's good.

Starting point is 01:33:48 You check the subway? I take the subway all the time. You park? Don't you park up by series? I park up there and I take the subway and I use city bikes all the time. All right, that scares me. I love the city bikes.

Starting point is 01:33:57 I'm afraid I'm gonna get hit. Do you have a helmet? Uh, no. Am I supposed to have a helmet? I'm not wearing a helmet. I'll take the hit. I'm not wearing a fucking. I'll take the hit I'm not wearing a fucking helmet God damn it dude if we have to do a fucking benefit cuz you get a brain injury because of a city bike We lost a comedian this year. Oh, when a helmet Kenny DeForest. Can you deForest?

Starting point is 01:34:13 Oh, yeah, did he get hit on a city bike? He's on a city bike and he got whacked and killed he didn't he got hit a curb or a thing in the road hit His head Jesus fuck is dead. Do dude can we buy you a bike helmet yeah we pick what should have been you good I wish Canada forces on this Jesus Lewis is that you were the bomb Dana talking that's insensitive but I second it that cuz I loved Kenny DeForest why would you say that why would you back that up Joe I don't know Joe why would you say that I was just trying to yes and why would but that's a that's a hurtful Lewis I don't know if you've noticed but I've gotten really good at listening in the last 20 minutes yeah would you say that? I was just trying to yes and. But that's a hurtful thing. Louis, I don't know if you've noticed,

Starting point is 01:34:45 but I've gotten really good at listening in the last 20 minutes. Why would you say that? Why would you say that? I have me in hurtful, I'm sorry. Why would you say in hurtful? I genuinely wouldn't rather Kenny DeForest on the show than you.

Starting point is 01:34:55 I don't believe you. I mean it. But who would we rather have? Good topic, that's my topic number three. We had to replace Bobby, who would it be with? Shane Gillis, no doubt about it. No, when Shane came on the show, bombed. It was the lowest numbers that. We had a replace Bobby. Who would it be with? Shane Gillis. No doubt about it. No, when Shane came on the show, bombed. It was the lowest numbers that we've had on the show.

Starting point is 01:35:10 That's because our fucking morons didn't include his name on the fucking title. No, they didn't. Yes. No. Are you kidding? His name is on the title. You edited it. Damn. When did you put it on the title? You know why? Because people messaged me and were like you've got to put shane's title talk of when is

Starting point is 01:35:28 yeah so you don't think that shane gill or maybe keep our names off and goes on the regs would have been a better title to just try to get it you know half a million pocket i didn't know it was you would don't know she'll run up for me to talk to sparingly i think it was danny that's why i said the target and i take it back and i'm sorry yeah Yeah, I apologize, but that was

Starting point is 01:35:48 Big fuck up our one guest Our one shot at making well our next guest is gonna be the GM of equinox Who do we get as Santa Claus for the GM of equinox Chris Rock? We can get it we can get a fucking why don't we use our fucking connects who knows famously, you know, Paul Giamatti What do you want you want you body is our fucking Santa What do you want Damien Lewis? I'll find out just found out that Paul Giamatti is Bart Giamatti son I talked I would talk to him about it. It's so crazy the former commissioner of Major League Baseball who banned Pete Rose. Yeah Got a lot of interesting stories. I bet I mean, it's crazy. He like grew up with his dad running Major League Baseball who banned Pete Rose. Yeah, got a lot of interesting stories. I bet. I mean, it's crazy. He like grew up

Starting point is 01:36:27 with his dad running Major League Baseball. This topic stinks. Yeah. So you listen to Paul Giamatti. It's fucking nerd. I've really hurt. I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm really happy. Joe. No, I didn't. I would do voices every time you bring up a player. You've tried good cigars, right? Great brands. Probably. Yes. If I buy good cigars. My assumption is you've tried great brands right? The best. I only buy the best. Every brand that you buy available smallbatchcigar.com. They can send me one? They can send you one, not only can they send you one, they'll send you one in a beautiful packaging that keeps the cigar preserved

Starting point is 01:36:59 in the way it should be with a Boveda packet in it so when you get it it's the exact way it's supposed to be when you smoke it. Said you won, I wish they sent me one, they sent me like 12. I mean, they sent me 13. They didn't send me anything. I love that they put the Boveda pack in there because I always forget, you're a cigar guy,

Starting point is 01:37:14 I'm a cigar guy, they're not, but they get them. I know, I became one. He became one. I have a crippling addiction fix. You know who, you know who, you know who, you know who, help him become one? Small Batch. Small Batch, yeah. Well, this is the thing, I forget to order Boveda packs on Amazon all the time.

Starting point is 01:37:28 They go old, they get cracky and crinkly, and so when I buy cigars, I need a Boveda pack, these come with them. And the actual Ziploc bag that come in is a mini humidor. You can take it on the road and it acts like a humidor. So you don't have to carry some big box around. And if you want to take these cigars and crack them and roll them into blunts which I do very often I can't smoke I do smoke the nicest blunch you'll ever smoke. Don't fucking do that give them to me. What am I gonna do I can't get to them fast enough they give you so many cigars Jeff. You have a great sense of humidor. Small batch that's right small batch use the code regs R E G Z we also have R E G S in case somebody messes up your areas. You're

Starting point is 01:38:06 a fool and oh my god we have all kinds of if you're if you're hulish yikes. They're the best. If you want cigars you want them fast. Get them now free shipping on every order. Almost every order arrives in two to three days. Five percent rewards points big time. Yeah. Discount codes 10% off plus 5% reward point I mean, I can't say enough about these guys. They rule small but sure cigar comm I'm surprised They're not sharing you in cigars. I would think so, too We'll be back. I know I have a good topic. What you just came up with it Did I come up with it yeah, or did we did it wasn't come up with

Starting point is 01:38:44 Dan, which is checkin you're fucking don't do it Did I come up with it? Yeah. Or did it come up with Dan? Just check. Dan, you're fucking. Don't do it. Don't break that, I need that. Oh, that was sick. Wow! I'm not gonna lie.

Starting point is 01:38:52 Wow! Fuck Joe, you know what? Yeah, fuck drawing. Fuck Joe's top. Fuck drawing. Wow! You're already good at magic. It's in your hood, I can see it,

Starting point is 01:38:59 but it's still slick that you did it. Wow! It's not in his hood. That was something. It's not in his hood. No, I thought he grew up in the hood. He did, Benson Street. They're all gay. still has a look at you know i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i

Starting point is 01:39:20 i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i Oh no topic who's better or you better at drawing he drawing or Lewis magic He has a time. I have a force topic stepping on his top. Are you me topics? Yes, what you listen, but just bookmark that topic. I don't want you write it down. You got a phone You got a pen. Yeah, you do have a pen and pad. What you draw it It's draw. What's your topic? If Jesus Christ. What? You give me shit about shitting on your topics. I'm sorry. I just said the word if and you went oh Jesus Christ. No, I'll tell you why. Can I tell you why? Because you don't have a topic. I'll tell you why.

Starting point is 01:39:57 No, it's not that. It's that you're fucking slow-roaming like a wife. Just say it. It's called actually learning. It's called being the point guard of podcasting. Yeah. I understand how to set it up. I understand how to pull the strings on a topic a little bit. Even right now I'm actually sort of manipulating it. Manipulating it.

Starting point is 01:40:13 Yeah, yeah. I watch it, dude. I might not listen, but I watch. I know you do, baby. This goes while these go. These don't work. I have a topic. All right, go ahead.

Starting point is 01:40:24 Okay, you don't want to know what my topic is? Yeah. Right behind your ear. Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh! And he stopped the time!

Starting point is 01:40:33 He stopped the time. I'm the time stopper. Oh no! Time has stopped. Time does not even. This could be two amazing episodes right here. Don't be a cunt mother. Slice it in half.

Starting point is 01:40:46 Slice it in half. We do an hour and 40 minutes, cut it down, four 35 minute episodes. Little chunks, bite size raked chunks. Ten minute episodes, dude. We come in once a month, we film for an hour and 14 episodes. I love this. That was the third month. Is this your topic? Is this what you're texting him

Starting point is 01:41:07 about this is unbelievable i got another idea what if we have dave chapelle on and don't mention it in the title we did that we did that last year with louis ck nobody knows louis that's crazy that we had louis santa and everyone's like nobody knew everyone's like is that somebody we know? This bit stinks, move on. Do you remember how much we bombed?

Starting point is 01:41:29 He was like mean? He was mean, but then we bombed. We bombed in the room. We made him get into a fucking Santa outfit and nobody cared. No, the whole thing was fucked. It was like the seller's audience, they moved us into that room.

Starting point is 01:41:41 Yeah, the fat black room. Shane was there too. Shane was on that show. Shane was on the show. We had Louie and Shane. We had Louie and Shane. Shane was there too. Shane was on that show. Shane was on the show. Is that right? We had Louis and Shane. We had Louis and Shane. And nothing.

Starting point is 01:41:48 Bupkis for fucking numbers. We gotta stop having guests. And just rely on ourselves. Guests aren't good. We should get the real Santa Claus. That'd be sick, dude. Say heck. I heard he's doing press

Starting point is 01:41:58 for fucking Christmas this year. Ha ha ha. Guests are good if you mention there's guests. Gotta squeeze at the top. Gotta squeeze at the top. Yeah, you're right, I do. What do you mean, squeeze? Sorry, I'm just fucking doing my tries now. Guys, full workout. What's the subject? Topic. What's the topic?

Starting point is 01:42:07 You can't handle the topic. I can't. My topic. This is like talking at dawn. I know. Get it out. He's such a hot babe. Bobby, fuck me in my ass.

Starting point is 01:42:19 Oh, yeah. I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about you. I'm talking about you. I'm talking about you. I'm talking about you. I'm talking about you. I'm talking at dawn. I know. Get it out. He's such a hot babe. Ah.

Starting point is 01:42:27 Bobby, fuck me in my ass. Oh. That made me kind of hard in a weird way. You can see it too, it's moving. I've seen the picture. Put it in my butt. I would never do that. Yeah, you would.

Starting point is 01:42:37 Your butt? Never. You wouldn't give him the Benson Street special? Oh, I'd give him boots. Right in the cul-de-sac? Right in the cul-de-sac? You weren't kidding? That's a dead end in there, buddy. Everybody's hot today.

Starting point is 01:42:48 I have to take a shit so bad. We have thirty minutes left. Go take a shit. We only have sixty-seven more minutes of this podcast. We have thirty minutes left. Thirty minutes? No! Right until Noam comes in and kicks us out. We can just roll. We're having such a good show. Why don't we just go?

Starting point is 01:43:04 Say your fucking topic, dog. Whoa. Why? What the fuck? Why did never in my life have I been called that? Yes, you have. Wow. If you're if you're if you had the cure for cancer in your body. Sure. In your body. Sure.

Starting point is 01:43:25 In your body. Sure. The cure though, cure everybody. They can extract it from your body and it cures everybody. Sure. Cure for cancer. Yeah. We got it.

Starting point is 01:43:38 But the only way to extract it from your body is a surgery that will end your life. Yeah, dude. Let me finish the fucking question. You don't know what the question was gonna be. I want it to be over, but you gotta let him finish. Sorry, I was. Not listening. This question takes longer than dying of cancer.

Starting point is 01:43:54 Dan has not had a partner on a podcast in so long that he just ends the bit. He's like, can I do it next? Let's do it next, plugs. Just pull the thread a little bit. Jesus Christ. Fine. The question was going to be would you do it? Fine, Dan. You know in video games that they have cutscenes you just smash A. That's just what I do on your market topic. I just go like yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to go to the level.

Starting point is 01:44:25 Fucking got it. Let's go. This topic is terrible. It's a great topic. I got a topic. None of us would do it. What do you mean none of us would do it? None of us would do it.

Starting point is 01:44:33 He's the only one without a child. He would actually do it. First of all, we're going to solve cancer in like six months with AI and all the shit. So then you're going to just die and then it all gets solved. And we don't even have cancer. They're not going to solve cancer. You know how much money they make off of cancer? You think they're going to cure cancer?

Starting point is 01:44:50 And then what do they do with all the fucking bullshit in the hospitals, all the fucking chemo, all the cancer doctors? You know how much money they're going to lose in a cure cancer? That guy died. That guy died and we got here. Who just farted? It stinks. They're not going to cure cancer. who just farted they could think it's your topic no fucking laugh over there kind of guy that was your guy I know the Danny one

Starting point is 01:45:18 Danny once Danny was kind of scary I heard exactly who it was pocket no why would we do that why would, why would you cure cancer for society forever? Yeah. You're not even around to like enjoy it. We have children. Everyone knows it's you. Your show, your children will live in. Does your family get money for doing it? Yes. Can I help a better question? It kills blank. It kills somebody we know. It kills blacks? It cures cancer, but you don't die. It kills... uh, fucking... Big J. Somebody like that.

Starting point is 01:45:53 Somebody that we know. That makes it a more interesting question. Don't give Lewis that. That makes it a more interesting question, because none of us want to kill ourselves to cure it. I already said yes. Yeah, but you're full of baloney pants. You want to die? I'm full of the cure of cancer yeah it's gonna be called the

Starting point is 01:46:09 baloney here you're going to end your life to cure cancer for everybody for everybody in the world forever yeah cuz then you're right everyone in my family would make money off it and they would be and you're gonna put all the just and it we just added I love caveat I love caveat. I love caviar. I love caviar. So how much money does your family get? Billions. Billions. Season one through seven now out on Paramount Plus. Here's the question for Dan only and then we'll switch it for everybody. Fine. Oh bad topic right? Even though we're having a great conversation. I'm changing it. Max dies. Max is involved. Max Kelly. You can cure cancer for everybody on Earth.

Starting point is 01:46:48 Max dies. I'd have to have a conversation with Bobby and Don about it. Well, we're having one right now. I'll be Don. Ooh, Bobby, fuck me in my ass. That's Don. Bobby.

Starting point is 01:46:58 Will you stop? That's Don. That's Don. We don't do that. We don't have ass sex. I'm sorry. Don is not what you are fucking with. I just love this. I don't have ass sex. I'm sorry. Don't do that.

Starting point is 01:47:05 I just love that so much. I love Louis' new character of anal cock-hungry. It's not one of your trollops. Bobby, fuck you right in my ass. What are we talking about, Max? This is funny because I see Bobby get mad. He goes like, don't do that, dude. He did it the first time, but he went, don't do that. No, I wouldn't kill Max. I don't do that dude. The first time anyway. Don't do that. No I wouldn't kill

Starting point is 01:47:27 Max. I don't have that. My choice is my own life. Max's life is more valuable than your own life. Max's life is not mine to decide on. So if I have the cure and that's the way, if Bobby and Don said we're cool with Max D or not then there you go So there we pack it up. We're not so you must be depressed Sad no dog blaze of glory All right, so Joe asked you the question Ask me the question if I Gonna kill your what you kids he doesn't even mark Tell you something I met Marty

Starting point is 01:48:04 I'm a little upset at this and a little ashamed because I haven't been a better friend and gone out and met met the boy. What's his name Marty? But I was flying to Houston and Sarah was there with Marty also flying to Houston see family and I met Marty and the first time I said hi to Marty I go hey Marty I've, I've heard a lot about you. And he went like this, and we touched fingers. He loves to point. He does too. Yeah, he pointed and I touched his finger, and I go, that's probably the coolest meaning of a baby. Like God and Michael the Archangel? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:48:34 I said, you shall become next. But it was cool. It was the coolest meaning of a baby I've ever had in my life. He reached out. You shall die for cancer. Touch me. It was great. Your baby's very, very cute. you should reach out you shall die for cancer touch me you babies really babies very very good that if you chose to kill my son i

Starting point is 01:48:49 disdain you know you thought you wanted max today five seconds ago question true no i said i didn't want max today he said no can we choose how marty does or the other back to Max But I didn't get into details Mention you brought up kid death you brought up kid death. I'm over here. Just be okay Not a kid Rebecca Trent is gonna die

Starting point is 01:49:18 Why am I was this why you looking at me mother fire? You already answered? Bobby? Who cares about Rebecca? I mean, I love her. But, I mean, wait. Yes. That's the funniest wish-walked answer. I mean, what the fuck am I caring about? I mean, yeah, I got a business with her. Both your parents are gonna die. Both are dead.

Starting point is 01:49:36 You're gonna bring them back from the dead and then kill them again? That'd be sick. Do we get five minutes with them? Do you bring them back from the dead and then kill them as zombies? Ooh. I've got them on board with that. Crossbows. I've got bring him back to the edit and then kill him as zombies? Ooh. I've got him on board with that.

Starting point is 01:49:46 Crossbows. I've got him on board with that. All right, I got a good one. I like Zombieland. It's a fun film. Great. If Colin Quinn was the person who did it. He's had three heart attacks.

Starting point is 01:49:54 Okay. It's gotta be you. The question is you. Joe, if you say, your family gets $100 million. That's a lot of money. 100 million. 100 million. 100 million. That's not a of money. $100 million. 100 million. Well, that's not a lot.

Starting point is 01:50:06 What? $100 million? Bill. I want to live. I'm not dying for any buddy. Damn. I mean, if someone pulled a gun and was gonna shoot my son and I dive in,

Starting point is 01:50:16 I'm not just gonna be like, yeah, just kill me. But Joe, what about this? $100 million, you know you're gonna die at one point. This is like setting up your family for fucking life. And you're curing cancer. So your family members are going to get cancer. That's going to happen at one point. So St. Jude's looking for work.

Starting point is 01:50:33 You're saving millions of lives. Wait a minute. People in your family are getting cancer too? Yeah, it's inevitable. One out of three people will get cancer at one point in their life. Right? The figure three family, Yeah, that is true.

Starting point is 01:50:45 Look it up. My look it up. We don't need to scare me right now. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I know it's Halloween season. The majority of kids is quite treatable. I mean, now we're getting into ripping it apart. Bobby's in because you give him treats. One is five people sit much smaller percentage one in five dropped from 33. Much smaller percentage. One in five. Dropped from 33% to 20%. Okay, fine.

Starting point is 01:51:08 Dan. I'm Dan. My name's Joe. That's Joe. Whatever, Chris. Can I have your we-band? What is this? Chris Rock, Santa Claus.

Starting point is 01:51:16 No, I don't believe that anyone here is going to sacrifice their own life. I've already said yes. And I said I don't believe. Would you kill your dog but you know if you kill yourself they don't have a dog anymore you don't have to walk the dog at night come home just fucking hang out I know but I love her so much you don't have to pick up shit this morning I came home I had an early thing and I came home and then she like ran up and I was like damn I love

Starting point is 01:51:42 coming home to the dog yeah I love doodles yeah doodles is a good dog cheese By the way, I didn't even catch that. I just heard cheese. If I would've heard Dipsy in the moment. You would've lost it. I would be, like you just did street magic for me and I'm black. I would've ran away from the table. So you're gonna cure cancer, Louis. I didn't say that I would. James. I have a kid now.

Starting point is 01:52:16 James is gonna get a billion dollars. A hundred million is a number. You can't just make it a billion because you decided. You just made it a hundred million. I'm gonna make it a billion. I'm God in this scenario though. Once you're, when it's your topic, you are playing God. So you can change factors and variables

Starting point is 01:52:32 at any given moment, new rule. But nobody else can. Nope, you're not God, it's in this world. These pens are great. Very nice pens, Sharpie. Sharpie. Best in the business. That's Joe.

Starting point is 01:52:42 Yeah, Sharpish. Yeah, that's right where it is. No where it is not on it you're wearing it dirty there but i think they would have made more sense on your shirt i don't know if i'm not a million dollars james you're gonna die let's have things like what if we die in the next couple years anyway you know if we're really happy and here for real so bomb goes off here and you know i got a fuck yeah good at a hundred million to buy a four hundred million for the family and a cure for cancer. Like none of your family

Starting point is 01:53:07 members, none of your friends will ever get cancer. And you can buy a bunker. It's literally selfish to say no. It's one of the most selfish things in the world to say you wouldn't do that. Yes. I wouldn't- Because what are we working for? I'm working to give my kid fucking- No, but there's a million other- Cancer, there's all kinds of diseases. But we're curing- What about make all- We're curing it. What about make all, make all. So your only value to your son is money. A hundred million dollars is worth more than anything else I would give him. Yeah, what is it?

Starting point is 01:53:33 A couple memories. Working knowledge of early UFC. A few stepmothers. He's fine. A couple girlfriends that he thought were going to be permanent things and then now he's got to watch him on their podcast Jiu-jitsu man, so funny if you walked in and James is like touching the screen watching a Podcast and he goes I remember when you were my new mama he sleeps with this

Starting point is 01:53:57 She's like Austin's crazy I think everybody is on today. It's great. We got another 15 minutes or so. We're good. Oh God. My topic sucks, but can I bring it up? I thought you had a topic. I did have a topic, but it really sucks ass. Joe gave you a topic. Oh yeah, that counted. So technically this is just two topics. I watched this lady interview an extraterrestrial and this guy acts like an alien comes through him. Don't do that. Yeah, thanks, don't do that.

Starting point is 01:54:30 Well, he's fucking on a topic. Wait for him to say it and then do the uh. Don't do it before the uh. His topic is we're gonna watch a video. And then we're gonna do an impression of what it would sound like if we contacted an alien. But that's his topic. You can't fucking uh the topic before the topic comes out. I can't wait, I'm excited,'t know. I would love to be a negative Nancy. That's one of my favorite things. No I love podcasts.

Starting point is 01:54:49 We watch videos. Shut up dude. Let's watch this guy. Oh that's me and Drake. Yeah. This guy contacts an alien and he comes through. guy contacts an alien and he comes through. Here we are. I have to tell you, it's been such an incredible journey. You make my head sound a little bit lower. So watch this guy. He's just like a regular guy and then he goes, are you ready for me to contact him? I was kidding.

Starting point is 01:55:16 I was saying I was really meaning to make it louder. Oh man. That we can't hear anything. All right. Well that fucked up. You know what? Joe's right. Why did I bring a video in?

Starting point is 01:55:24 Error code. What is this? It wasn't good it did happen did put a full stop to the fun Jesus Christ now let's watch it now Bobby yelled at me I feel ashamed now I don't want to watch it now I take my video back oh stop being a baby I'll show this to other people just said sorry I'll show this to people around the table so that I feel shame that will work so fast with'm so fast. With Nome's band playing at full volume. And I go, cup your hand around the speaker. Nome has a podcast after this? Is that what's going on?

Starting point is 01:55:50 Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And they usually come in early. Usually around 3.46. Yeah, we are running up on time. Damn, I really, I'm glad I bombed with my topic. It's a good video.

Starting point is 01:56:00 We can just fucking, we also don't have to be running a race. We can just chill for a second. Let's just enjoy our company. Enjoy each other's time. I saw the Joker movie new Joker. Did you hate it? He liked it Let me say that you liked it. Can I say this? I hope so. Can I finish? Well, we can say it in a timely fashion should I get him? Sure, I should reggie get him I Should I, should Reggie get him? I wanted to like it.

Starting point is 01:56:30 He didn't. I went into it because everyone hated it so much. I wanted to be the guy. I wanted to be like, no dude, it's cool. And Tim's in it. Yup, Tim's in it. I wanted to like it. Me and Scott Chaplin went.

Starting point is 01:56:40 Scott Chaplin rules. Scott's the fucking man. He's hilarious. And we were literally the only people in the movie theater. Like, not a single other ticket was bought. So the whole time I was just, like, screaming like a black person at the screen. It was so funny. It was the biggest piece of horseshit, and it wasn't even the music.

Starting point is 01:56:56 First of all, he was such a bad singer, Joaquin Phoenix, that it took you out of it. Like, you're like, this is just bad. It's like... but there was no plot. Like it was like literally they were in the jail. They went to trial. Nothing happened at all. It was the biggest just waste of two and a half hours ever. And I've heard it's not like so bad

Starting point is 01:57:16 that it's fun to make fun of. No, no. Like if they would have escaped jail and they would have had like a natural born killers like day where they fucking went on a rampage, that could have been interesting. They could have done some cool like twists. like day where they fucking went on a rampage that what could have been interesting They could have done some cool like twists. There wasn't dude. It was so like Just I heard the ending was the fucking worst. It was horrible. Do you want to do the spoiler?

Starting point is 01:57:35 That's fucking and if you don't want to see it you can move forward I was a rumor that Todd Phillips is just trolling like they purposely made a ridiculously bad movie troll the people that like the first Why was he like mad that people like the first one because it felt like the joke like it's like meta like that's what this Joker would do to the audience the people that like them. That's what they're claiming now. It's kind of fun That's it. That's when you bomb and you got meant to bomb. It's like I'm doing like any coffee Yeah, that's a fucking pretty expensive fucking troll. troll. So you wasted six months of a lot of people's lives. I really did like the first movies. Do what you want about it. It was just a fucking really fun movie. To not give like the fans of that movie like a fun follow-up was so anticipated. Like you're like oh Joker 2 is

Starting point is 01:58:16 coming out. Even Lady Gaga. I'm like oh that's fun. That's Harley Quinn. That's fun. I get the booking. I get why. And even when I found out it was a musical, I grew up on musicals. I didn't mind it. I was like, if they did a thing where he's just crazy and he keeps going into these like musical numbers in his head, but I was like, that's kind of a fun, weird take on it. They just didn't, dude, it was so bad.

Starting point is 01:58:34 What was the ending? Why was the ending so bad? He gets killed. So it's over. Some guy, yeah, some guy just stabs him. Some dude, some- While he's singing? No, it's just at the end, the guy comes in, he's like, let me tell you a joke Joker and he fucking just pulled out

Starting point is 01:58:47 a knife so stabbing him that's it dude it's so the movie so there's no part three it's done wow they fucked everybody it's done well I don't think see so you can just stab the Joker and he's gone I kind of like that at the end where they go and he's got killed in jail like some people get killed it was almost like if the guy was a real guy and what would actually have happened if they just kind of followed him with A camera for a couple months like he just went to jail and I got killed nothing really happened Is there anyone at loudly saying they liked it? Is there anyone like trying to defend it? No, everyone's going like this is a huge I think Joaquin hates it really

Starting point is 01:59:21 I think Joaquin was like the ending is bad dude the the penguin is fucking awesome shout out hearing that penguin is awesome episode this week episodes in and that's great it's Katie and Mike were saying it's like the best show I did I know that Kristen girl that's my buddy who's Chris Falcone's daughter oh nice yeah we were in that horrible rom-com together yeah no it's great dude. It's fucking really good It's it's like a gang. It's it's it's so mildly in the world of Batman. It's great I watched the first episode and I'm fucking Batman. No, I don't mention the Riddler, but they don't mention

Starting point is 01:59:55 It's a it's a gangster. It's just a gangster show. It's just no it feels like Scorsese Yes, like no superheroes in it at all. No, they're trying to so they're doing a second They're doing another Batman with Robert Pattinson And I think they're gonna try to make it like more realistic than even Christopher Nolan's were really my son watched that Batman He said he really liked it. It's great. It's a good They made it sad they made it like more of a detective when was good. Yeah, he's great great And the club scene that's why I don't, my problem with the first episode is that they don't bring up Batman at all. In this series. They don't bring,

Starting point is 02:00:30 I haven't heard about it. I think you're going to maybe see it at one point. You'll see like a reference. And by the way, I bet you already, cause I'm only five episodes in, but if you watch like on YouTube, one of those things for Easter eggs, I bet you they're all over the place. Like crazy. It's fun. You should watch it. I'll check it out., so I watched Joe lists movie that we started talking about the beginning the Tom Dustin portrait of a comedian It's fucking great. Thanks Joe if we got money, would you? Direct the skank fest documentary. I've wanted to do that. I would love to do that. Yes, it's fucking great I bet you I can get some fucking cash all left for that I love it. You're one of the only people that I would trust to do that that makes me feel really good

Starting point is 02:01:03 Yeah, you got a lot of footage not you. I wouldn't to do that. That makes me feel really good. Yeah. You got a lot of footage. Not you. I wouldn't want to work with you. Bobby's writing the forward for my book. Yeah. When are you writing that? Officially, I'm meeting up with the co-writer next week. So the guy that's actually going to write it?

Starting point is 02:01:16 He's writing my ideas. You're just going to stand next to him in a shadow box and eat your way from his ear? Are you not actually writing it? No, I have a co-writer. But you're going to type, right? No, Louis is going to sit next to me and go like this. So there I was on Benson Street.

Starting point is 02:01:29 I'm sucking, I'm fucking, I'm fucking. Dan's writing with me. He's just going to be yelling at the writer. Dude, he just punches this close to your head while you're typing, and you go, OK, Louis. But that's how I come up with my best stuff, dude. I got to be moving. He goes, ah.

Starting point is 02:01:41 So you haven't typed anything? I've typed a little bit. That's a stereotype, Bobby. Stereotype. Yeah, I don't know. Type A personnel. I'm a... Guys, this was a great episode.

Starting point is 02:01:54 Yeah. We're going to put the pieces back together in three weeks and run it back. November 11th. Question, question. November 11th. Can I just make a point? Sure. Why don't we do just a Zoom? I think the fans would rather,

Starting point is 02:02:07 oh, let me pick one. Deep Bull hates Zoom. No, no, they would rather do a Zoom than no show. I don't like Zoom. Zoom can be fun, dude, from our hotel rooms, just like where we're on the road one night. It's fun, dude. We do a Friday Night Hang on Zoom with the Skanks every week.

Starting point is 02:02:17 Friday night, it's like fucking two shows on a Friday, you get back by 12. Nobody said it has to be Friday night. You just said Friday night. You didn't listen to what I said. None of you did. You said Friday Night Hang. Friday Night Hang. Yeah, that's what's called the Legion of Skanks.

Starting point is 02:02:30 That's our show, called the Friday Night Hang. I think this should be called Only in Person. Some great podcasts just release when they have them. Sam Harris' pod just comes out when he has a pod. Sam Harris is a f***. That is not true. I agree.

Starting point is 02:02:44 Let's do it. Thank you, Bobby. Whatever Dan has to say. Sam Harris is a f***. Thank you. I agree. Let's do it. Thank you Bobby. Whatever Harris is a thank you Bobby sunglass crew, dude Guys glasses crew glasses guys go check us out on the road. We love you Yeah, like it subscribe tell your friends about the regs it comes out when we have a banger whenever you get it fucking pussies No, that's not that right I do you're making some town it's not like I don't feel like doing it Bobby Bobby's going to a Cuba which I don't even know if he's gonna come back maybe not that'd be sick might you just live down there did a long long Mike Feeney yeah you're gonna replace me didn't you pick Mike Feeney to replace

Starting point is 02:03:23 what crazy excuse me I would I'd throw a dart out the window and long Mike Feeney. Yeah, you're gonna replace me. Then you pick Mike Feeney to replace one crazy. Excuse me. I would throw a dart out the window and pick who it hit I would open a Craigslist ad. I would rebuild Craigslist and put a Craigslist ad. Have Danny. Well, I mean, that's not get crazy. I'll take Feeney over. Yeah, Feeney, Feeney smooth.

Starting point is 02:03:42 Feeney is a handsome boy. All right. There you go. That's the episode. Hope you enjoyed it. We'll see you guys next time. We'll see you in December on the regs. See you guys whenever you get an episode. But for real, it'll be soon. We love you guys. Probably. Bobby Swartz.

Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Benson Street | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #23

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