Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Best of YKWD 2023 (so far)

Episode Date: July 9, 2023

This week we look back on some of the best guests of the year so far. Some of the best moments with Louis CK, Bobby Lee, Colin Quinn, Andrew Santino, Ari Shaffir, Tim Dillon, and more. This episode is sponsored by GhostBed Listeners can get 40% off all products sitewide! Use promo code YKWD at GhostBed.com/ykwd for 40% Off Sitewide. Limited Time Only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Activa es único porque a diferencia de otros, activa ha demostrado que sus millones de probióticos naturales llegan vivos a la microviota. Y además ayuda a tu salud digestiva. Activa. 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno, 3 por uno. Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovecharte el 3 por uno en mediana a San homicidios solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao?

Tres por uno, tres por uno. Ah, no, no, no. ¡Dominos! Pitsa. Buscas contenido gratis. ¡Au, wanna be see! Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o Sensación de Vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos.

Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. together great songs and all his past food you know fucking great songs yeah cartoon juice to have oh yeah baby we're starting the podcast right now we're back you know what to live welcome everybody to the show I WWE do podcasts, YKWD is back again Home school, back in the day We're all starting before them all YKWD is back again Podcast is so fun and crazy And there's no rules Shut up, you ruining this Bring the ball, damn it, I'm sorry

It's not any podcast This is an NPR That's the podcast done Is there any better show? This is the original original. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. hit the door. Oh, I locked the door. I kind of locked the door. You locked the door. You locked the door on me. So now they got to get up and open it. Now these giggling. I'm happy when you try to do it in the lock. These giggling assholes are giggling.

Are you got them? Are you good? Because they'll turn to me a second. If you say, guys, come with me, they'd follow you up right now. Nice. Oh, 100%. I'll be the same.

Jewish, they're autistic. You're their God. I mean,, 100%. I'll be the same. Jewish, the autistic, you're their God. I mean, I mean, only person above you is Rick Glassman. That's it. Yeah, he outgases it. Oh my God. So I come in, I open the door and I gotta look because I know you're pulling pranks,

you're doing something. Thank God you're in the bathroom, you're taking your shit, Your house is eight minutes away. Well, I came from serious exam studios, where I was a guest on the popular Jim and Sam podcast, the most offensive duo on the radio, a core, their promo. Is that what it is? Yeah.

They're offensive. Yeah. Really? I think they're offensive. Yeah, I didn't think so either. I called it out. Their promo was wild. That's incorrect. That's lighthearted nudging maybe. The most nudged worthy. Yeah.

So dude, you have people you're in here taking a shit. Not only that, here's the thing is you're taking a shit, which is uncomfortable for everybody. Yeah. When a guest comes in and is shitting, before the show, after the show. No, after. I thought after. I didn't consider after. After it's still outrageous, because now nobody can use a bathroom.

But okay, we get you how you can't hell that anymore. But you came in knowing you had to take a dump. You could have dumped this here. I could have dumped this here. I thought about it. Five stalls. Yeah, but this is an individual full bath. Come on, dude. You know, I'm right on that one. You know, I'm not going to use that over this. This is a convertible apartment. Okay. Okay.

Best case scenario for a shit. Okay. Okay. Great. So you hear you're taking a shit, but your shit's on shits, Ari. The shits, their shits, and then they're also others. Your shits and you've done them. But they are shits, buddy. They're not shits their shits and then they're also others. Your shits and you've done them. But they are shits. Buddy, they're not shits. It's almost surgical. It's almost like an operation.

Something happens to your asshole. You were in my bathroom. It opens up like a demi-gorgon and just fucking reveals. It's not good, dude. There's so much blood somewhere in your asshole. So much blood. Sometimes it just flows. Sometimes a little speckert too.

Sometimes it flows where I got a fucking man pond at and then I got to replace that. And that one gets full. You ever see it in the day when you're in a fucking bloody, when you talk about your ass. The bloody fucking soaked up. Now what you want ideally, a little bit of blood and mostly white.

Sometimes you get all red. This is get all red. You always just not red. Sometimes it's blue. It's like, it's dark. It's a dark red. It's a mar red. It's just get all red, you're like, you always just not red. Sometimes it's blue. It's dark. It's a dark red. It's a blue. It's a maroon.

You have heart blood coming out of your assholes. Yeah, this one, this one. Yeah, you have deep blood that hasn't had oxygen in it yet. It's nuts. The oxidative blood. It's nuts. I had the blood where if you ran a through a wine decanter. Yeah, you have the blood that like,

like Dracula would play more money for your blood. You know what I mean? You're like high level, deep blood. High in blood. Yeah dude, I don't, so you have people on edge. Is that where you want your friends? I mean, when you use the bathroom, it's, is there,

I try to use the bathroom. You left the shit with the blood. Oh, I did leave the shit with the blood Yeah, I left the shit. There's a bloody shit and I'll tell you three three tissues in a row You know you get a wand get a wide wide wide wide three in a row Yeah, I try to drop them and then like a fucking open-faced sandwich. They flipped and went blood down I was like this is I believe a boy look unbelievable. So I had a really place one in blood up. That's what you saw, the front or frontie.

Oh, good. You have this two names, so that blood up or old frontie. That's two names. You can with Danny. Listen man. Yeah. I mean, this kid, you've haunted his dreams for life. You'll never forget that.

What food does that represent for you, Danny? What food's no longer to be eaten? You have us all, like on... Listen, I've got to apologize, but that's just not in my nature. Okay, but here's my problem. Norma, sorry. It was so great when you were like, hey, go get a towel. I'm like, wow.

I mean, it's still the smell still there. I expect the smell to be gone. Smell still there. You got him right in there. You have, you have people on the edge. But I'm minimum, hold on. What is that? What is that? What is that? It's an accusatory figure.

What I don't like it so close. It's an accusatory figure. It should stop further. Maybe, no, up up up up up up up right there. Right there. Okay, then let me do it next. Yeah, that was up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, You have some reckoning too. That's... I do. Yeah. Because you sent him in there to what you thought was a freshly used shit toilet. Yes.

Flushed. But you thought the smell would still be in there? Okay. Oh, no, no smell clears that fast. No smell clears that fast. Ah! Ah! Ah!

You were complicit. I was complicit, but I didn't think it would be, I should have... You weren't hitler, but you were Ikeman. Here. Here's a problem with you though. I should have known because you've done that to me. I'm not, yeah, but I'm not the only one who shit smells.

You knew it at minimum. Could have been Joe Liston there, so it would have been smelly. It would have been smelly, but something he could have contained and maybe told me after the show. Hey dude his shit It's stuck it could have been something we enjoyed later. Yeah, I didn't know you're gonna leave an abortion in there I didn't know you're gonna leave a acidic abortion in the toilet Mauslete tough Shabbat Shalom. Yeah, the city still don't abort when this kick comes out down syndrome

But they will if they found out it's gonna be gay. I really out down syndrome, but they will if they found out it's going to be gay. I really. Yeah. That's moves. Down syndrome. We're all pretty in bread. It's halfway there. But they found out they're going to be gay.

How do you know when a baby's going to be a fetus is gay? Yeah. If it comes out dick first, I don't know. Leading. I don't know. That's a good question. Could you give me an instrumental of favorite things, please? D sharp.

Is that cleared? We'll get it for you. It's going to be 10 minutes, but we'll get it. Go ahead, guys. Max, get it for him. Well, wait, just wait. God, let's just wait. Wait for the You like to go high. You like the Watson Sherlock thing then. Yeah, good. Do Watson Sherlock hookers head go now I was finally having friends. I'm like, we'll play this game now. Go go go go. All right director. Oh

Stop. Sorry. Oh dear Sherlock. I found the hook his head. Rune Drops. I don't know when Rune Drops meant. Fiddle player. I don't hear it. Oh, you don't have headphones now. Oh, sorry. Dammit, Sherlock.

Rune Drops unroos. And Whiskerson fumes his head. Oh. Bride-carpa-kettles and warm-willing- Sherlock. Brow and back. It's because Sun, Fyodor, Sun kittens, bright copper kettles, And warm wool in the air. Sherlock. Brown bear, the back, It's just tied up in string.

Sherlock, yes, Watson. Thank you, sir. Yes. What should we do with this? Keep singing. Don't touch it, first of all. Don't touch it. No.

But somebody has already moved. There's something in the air. What? I don't think it's in the air. What? What do you think is in the air? You know, get it for me. These are a few of my favorite. I believe you are wrong on this show.

I'm never wrong. Yes you are, you know it. I move the head. That's my fault. I'll take it. But you have got to listen to me Sherlock yes, Watson. I found the guy you did not find the guy He's in the shadows what's in your wrong. Do you know? I know this wasn't why because I am the guy that cut the head off

And I fuck that skull all night long! Oh shit! She is a dead horn, I don't care anymore and that's why we will part ways! I understand, I did the same. You did? Down in West Chester I You're gonna be able to keep them music in cuz that's so funny, but you know like you worry about that She's speed it up. I've spent a lot of time with them not a lot of time with them in LA

But I've spent enough time to go like I'm not in the cool kids club, but I know some of them some some of them are nice people. They don't know what's going on. They don't understand. If you were hot and rich and forever, would you understand? I would just go, what do I have to say so I can go into the pool now? They go, the Ukraine is the greatest country in the world

and we need to do everything as you could at freedom. You, you know what, well, let me type, we'll type it for you. Ha ha ha. You'll hear it as, press that. Can you, can you type it in my, yeah. And then they go into the pool and then they come out and they go, and now here's the 15 steroids shots you need.

And go see your stylist and go see your publicist and put out a statement that you didn't mean to grab that way, Triss. And then here's a script and then say all those lines and then the realtor will take you with and you can buy that house in Aspen. But here's the thing too, they get so mad, they get angry, they get really angry of something they don't even really know. They don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

You know what they're talking about? They're all talking about right now the trans kids need fucking healthcare. Do you know what that means? It means 70-year-olds are cutting their dicks out off and taking their tits and getting puberty blocking hormones. I'm a fully out gay guy and have been for 12 years, 13 years, it is fucking insane. That's still, I know, it's still under investigation.

It's under investigation. But it's insane to me. Yeah, we think that you use that to become famous Well, it worked it worked and I think many of you should but the reality is now it's trans you can't even use gay I but the reality is These are celebrities. I'm going yeah, it does suck that if you wanted to use that you can't now You have to actually become a woman. Yeah, I have to be a woman. You could just be you say I'm gay Yeah, but it's crazy because you talk to these celebrities and you're like trans kids and you tell me

Have you ever spoken to a seven-year-old? They don't know they don't know what they are. Yeah, what are we doing? We're letting them make Medical decisions. This is the crazy shit. I have ever heard of and everyone in Hollywood is just like Hands-trans healthcare and trans healthcare for cats and you're like oh my god like so you're dealing with people whose brains and Hollywood was just like, what? And trans-health can. And trans-health can for kids. And you're like, oh my God, so you're dealing with people whose brains have melted. Your brains have melted. Yeah, it's something happened.

Something happened. Yeah, it's crazy. We've been, I guess it is social media. I don't fucking know Tim. I can't even go on social media anymore because I'm such a flip flopper. I'm one of those people. I'll read something.

And I've passed it on as factual information. We've all done that by the way. And then somebody will go, dude, read this. And then I'm on the other side. We've all done it by mistake. You know what I do know? You know what I do know? Yeah.

I know that Carvell's low fat chocolate swirl ice cream is one of my favorites. Carvell is one of the greatest places I've been in my life. And it's underrated. There was one time in my life. I walked into Carvelle and I walked out with a, I had a Sunday. It was by one get one day. God.

And I walked out and I had, I'm sorry, I had a shake and a cone. And I walked out and my grandmother was in a car waiting for me and I walked out and I had a shake and a con. And I walked down and my grandmother was in the car waiting for me and I just shaking, I was taking the con, I was putting in the shake. And I got in the car and my grandmother went, you have a problem. That's a fat, that's some fatso shit right there.

Fat moment, it was a fat moment, it was not good. I mean, that's nuts, it was not good. It's a similar fat moment when you're eating alone and you bump it in somebody you know and you go, fucking, I take just my fucking, my friend canceled, sucks. That's why I got two pizza. I have three appetizers here because I was,

I had a bunch of friends coming, but you know, they don't want to be here. What's the most you've ever eaten? It's a good question, I don't know. I mean, so I know of stuff. I could describe the meal. Yeah, I could describe it. I mean, so I know I could describe the meal. Yeah, I could describe it. Go ahead, describe it.

I guess it might have been like a Smitha Wollinsky steakhouse where it was me and another person and we had like a selfish tower for four. Ribbys, big potatoes, macaroni and cheese, hash browns, chocolate peanut butter pie, like peach melba, like everything on the menu and just left feeling just grotesque. I ate one and a half pizzas by myself one night. Wow.

One and a half by myself. Wow. And I have done one. I've never done the half. That half is a special thing. And I've eaten half. The half is crazy. It's crazy.

One and a half. And I had ice cream to that night. I know. It's bad. One and a half. And I had ice cream too that night. I know, it's bad. Eating is very, very bad. And it's hard. What's the most ice cream you've ever eaten? Ooh, good question. I can eat a lot of ice cream.

Well, I can eat a lot of ice cream too. I think, because you don't know, you know, once I have like half of one of the big boys. I've I've eaten the 80s. I've eaten the whole big boy. Yeah, because the big boy is a problem. Big spoon. Yeah, extra spoon. Yeah, sat there ice cream just doesn't it doesn't exist. Doesn't exist. It's just go it's all the sudden. It's just it goes away. You don't feel it. I wish you could get a shot. I think you can now. I think it's called a Zempek. I wish you could get a shot where you just you go. I'm not it's called a Zempek. I wish you could get a shot where you just, you go,

I'm not, I don't care. Like I have friends that look at food that I just don't care about it. I had a slider today and a place called LeConda Verde, a lamb slider. Tomato sauce, a little leaf of mint and a ricotta cheese, robots, whatever. And I just ate it and I was a trebec and I ate it and I went,

I mean, there's people that eat it and go, and I was like, there's one of my friends at the table who I, I was like, he's so good, he goes, yeah, it's good. I'm like, I wanna be yet's good guy, because yeah, it's good. I'm like, you know, not yet's good. It's, should we order two or three more plates of these? Should we like ask them if they have more than we can take home?

Like, but that's why I got my stomach most of it taken out. Yes, because I was like you. Well, I'm right now, I have a plan to drastically reduce calorie intake, but here's what I'm gonna do it. But it can be done. It can be done.

Okay, yeah. For a minute. But here's what I'm gonna do it It can be done. It can be done. Okay, yeah. For a minute. But here's what I'm gonna do it. Yeah, I'm going to the Ukraine. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No, Keith, listen, you can do it. I don't wanna do the gastric only because I wanna try it on my own first.

I did it. I did the same thing. You told me not to do it. I did it. I did the same thing. I told you not to do it, I said don't do it. You said just try it on your own first. You literally told me that. I, because I did the same thing. I told you not to do it this leave. You said don't do it, you said just try it on your own first. You literally told me that.

Because I did this too. I tried to do it on my own first. I believe you should always try to do it on your own. See if you got it in you. And if you don't, and you wind up losing weight and gaining it back like I did, because I gained, I gained 10 more pounds back. Right.

That's what I was doing. Right, yo, yo more pounds back. That's what I was doing. Right, yo, yo. I was going, yo, yo, yo, yo. And it always went up, yo, yo, yo, ho, ho. Yo, ho, I love ho, ho, ho. What do you like, do you like a ho, ho or ring ding? I like a ho, ho, on a yo, yo. I love a ho, ho, man, I love a ho, yo, yo, yo, yo.

People listening to this crashing the car. F, what is happening? Why, we're gonna be over-challenge. We're gonna be over-challenge. It's all gonna be over-challenge. I get new. Yeah, it's tough. Go back on his page, John? We're going to be over. Yeah, go back on his Patreon. We're getting new. How do you need the money for? Yeah, please go on my Patreon. But I say if you can't do it, it's the best thing ever did. And I know five people have gotten it since I got it. I think you tell God. I think they all got it. I think it's all a big lie. I think they all got it. 100% she got it since I got it. No, I think it dealt. I think they all got it. I think it's all a big lie. I think they all got it.

100% she got it. She got it. 100%. She got it. It has to be this. Of course. Now, what I don't like is they're actually having young kids do it, which is stupid. What if a young kid's like, listen, they go to the doctor and they're like, listen, I want

my dick out and I need to sleep. Ha ha ha. What do you want for your birthday? I told you what I want for my birthday. I want a smaller stomach and I want my dick and balls gone. I want my pussy and a sleeve. I want a pussy wallet and I want a sleeve. Cut my stomach out and give me a push. Cut my stomach out and make a pussy lips with my stomach.

If you have all that stomach, you can make me a fat pussy. I want a big hamburger pussy. Grandpa, can I have a fat pussy with my leftover stomach? Anyways, how was your Christmas, buddy? Beautiful Christmas. I bought my mother a car. Wow, what kind of car? It was a nice one.

How nice. Ferrari. I nice. Ferrari. I can't imagine. I bought my Mio Lizer a nice little tiny three series BMW. My mom has never had a brand new car whole life. And I was very proud to buy her. She's never owned a new car.

Ever. She's only had a hand me down from my dad or a used piece of shit. I did get my dad anything. You know what I did? That's not true. I got him two gift cards. What? Gift cards.

Two of them. One of them is favorite restaurant. What? Love Garden. Nice. Okay. And the other one is Tommy Bahama, because he wanted new shirts. So I got him a Tommy Bahama.

So he has style. He has a style. So he's stylish. He's got a style. He's got a style. You know what? Same style as Sammy Hagar. He likes the slacks. I'm not kidding style. He's got a style, yeah. You know what, same style is Sammy Hagar. He likes the slacks, I'm not kidding.

He doesn't like Hawaiian shirts as much. He likes the pants from Tommy Bahama. Because they're stretchy. Well they fit, yeah, when you get dad size, you do what works. I know, I don't question them. I'm a dad. So I said here, that's for that, that's for that.

And he was actually so happy. He's like, yeah, all I need. On the outside, on the inside, he's like, I didn't get a fucking car. He just got a fucking car. What kind of car? He had a Jeep, he bought a Jeep. Uh, she's got a beamer and he's got a Jeep.

God bless. Who got a Jeep, you got him the Jeep, that's nice. At least you got him the Jeep. I did not get him the Jeep. What the hell? Andrew. He got the Jeep on his own, he's a big boy. What the fuck?

He's just sad. He's my, you know what, dads? What? Take care of themselves. You take care of yourself. Nobody needs to take care of you. I do take care of myself and you're right, but this is bullshit.

You didn't fall, I fell out of my mom. I fell out of my mom. Bushi, I was 48 pounds. I was born. Why did you fall out? I was three foot, seven 48 pounds when I was born. I was huge. I felt bad.

She deserved it. So let me ask you, because of me, she could never use one of those corks anymore. No, she could. She just used. So, let me ask you, because of me, you could never use one of those corks anymore. No, she could. She just has to use a bigger one, like one on one of those. Lock it.

Okay. Thank you. This is checking. No, I bought her a car and it was, it was, it was, maybe feel good in my heart and my soul. Yeah, it was like the nicest thing I've ever done. But you didn't feel,

I'm serious, and I don't mean to be an asshole. I can feel it. I'm serious. Okay, I'm serious, and I don't mean to be an asshole. Well, you do. Go ahead. I can feel it. I'm serious. Okay. You didn't feel looking in your dad's,

you didn't, now if I had a video, if I had a video tape, is there a video tape of you doing it? Yeah. Was your dad there? Yeah. He was right there. Yeah.

Is he in the video? No. Okay. If you had video tape of your dad, I'm gonna show you what your dad look like. Liz is your mom. Okay. You're you. I'm your dad. But look at me while we're doing our kids. Ready? But I'm gonna show you what your dad looked like. Liz is your mom, you're you, I'm your dad, but look at me while we're doing our community.

But I'm gonna talk to Liz like, you gotta talk to my mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, talk to her. Talk to Liz like you talk to your mom. Okay, okay. Are you ready? Mommy, why me? No.

You want the real thing? No, I don't want the real thing. I do not want the real thing. I don't ever do that again. Okay, I do it. Don't ever do that again. Okay, what? Mom, I just got you. Hey, there's something. Hey, I got, mommy, why what mom I just got you I got

Mommy warming I have to get it out of my head because I can't stop saying mommy Okay, so I did this I said it's not out. It's not out. It's gone. I gotta shake it and Okay, All right, mom I had to do one you have to try it. Just try it. I can't just try it. Just try it. Do that. Go. Close our eyes. Close your eyes. One two three. Whoa, that's good. That's kind of how it was hot. Oh, my pants moved. I hear we got. All right, mom, I something wrong with your car in the garage. You have kind of that was hot. Oh, my pants moved I Here we go. All right mom. I something wrong with your car in the garage. You have to come look at it

The fuck do you mean something's wrong with my car? You're a horrible. I'm sorry. I fucked it up look at this door open It's good for you, huh? It's amazing our son is the best proudy son. Thanks for doing that. Thanks dad. I love you dad. I'm gonna go get a I'm gonna get sandwich. I'll be I'm gonna say you okay dad. No, I'm good man What's going on pop? I got I'm gonna sit my chair. Is something your throat? No That's how you think he felt I missed the phone call with his friend after throat? Nah. That's how you think he felt. And this

the phone call with his friend after. No, I'm happy for her. No, she deserves it. But you know, baseball, basketball, where he runs, he used to run like the chick from taking now he runs like a man because of me. Yeah, and I'm driving around a fucking Jeep. This broads in a fucking brand new beamer. This is Hollywood. This is Hollywood. This is Chicago.

He's got a fucking Rolls Royce. And I got a, she's got a beamer. I got a fucking, now he's coming. Okay, okay, so I'll call you back. Hey, hey son, how are you? See, yeah. He reacted the way he should have reacted. Like what?

Thank you for doing that. Yeah, that's what he said. Thank you for doing that. Thank you for doing that. Because, that's what he said. Thank you for doing that. Thank you for doing that. Because he doesn't have to buy your car. So, you know, I did everybody a favor. Okay. He was happy about it.

I guarantee he was inside. He went like this. No, I will say this. Yeah. There's no jokes here. Yeah. My dad might be the most like selfless dude. He is the guy that will buy you the thing

and then not buy him the thing. Let's say we went to a hotel I have your dad right now. I'm like, call him up. I'm gonna call him up If we went to a hotel and they were like we have two nice rooms and one dog shit room He'd be like you guys do the night. Yeah, he did that his whole life And now it was time to get a little payback and you stuck it to him again. What's wrong with the time? Be Muhammad slacks. I thought that was nice. I'm gonna talk to him right. I mean if it I mean if it makes me happy Call him up. I'm calling him right now. I mean, if it makes me happy. Call him up. I'm calling him right now.

Here we go. Here we go, everybody. Here we go. He's calling my father. I'm calling you dad. Hello. Is he gonna answer for you, bud? Yeah, no.

I don't know if he's gonna. Why would my dad, I said, dad answer. I just texted him, dip. Hey. Hey. Hey, what's up, Mr. Santino. Hey, he's good. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, how you doing buddy? Listen, real quick, I know you had a good Christmas

and you got some stuff. I got to ask you personally, when your son gave your wife that brand new car, I know you were happy and it's all good, and you love your family, and that's great. She loved it, she loved it, it was amazing. Now, did that make you sad at all that you got a pair of pants and she got a car?

It was a nice pair of pants, it was a very nice pair of pants. I know, but will you sad a little bit inside? A little bit, yeah. Okay, thanks buddy, I'll talk to you later, man. I'm coming out in a couple weeks for Smokeless Agar, okay? And I gotta, I gotta give, I gotta give, I gotta give, I won't, of course not. I I'm coming out in a couple weeks for Smoke a cigar, okay? And I gotta, I gotta get, I gotta, I gotta get, I gotta get, I won't.

Of course not. I gotta get for you in a couple weeks, okay? I gotta for you. You got it, buddy. You've gotta get better people to call. I mean, that was one of the some of the worst improv. He didn't even change his voice. What was that?

It was the artistic, the best. Autistic Danny. I mean, Danny, change your voice. I can't do any voices. At least he left the room. I'm not surprised he left the room. I mean that was. What's the odds of him and your dad

having a tongue too big for their mouth? Hahaha. One time, fuck, who's that comic with the glasses? Really loud from around here? Loud, hey, hold what's his name? How you doing, buddy? All right, good for you. He was on Stern a lot back in the day.

He used to fight with Stern. He was like, Oh, Pat Cooper. Pat Cooper. So I'm going in auditioning out in Queens, Silver Cup, I think it is, wherever they do the soprano. It's huge, it's huge.

It's the sopranos. And I'm auditioning for somebody who gets killed by Christopher. Christopher, it's like, when you get to get that, because you know the sopranos would do a show, show, show, and then we'd all be waiting for the murder and that was the big one. You know, it'd be like, oh, talking, talking therapy,

home, bang, boom, so I get murdered. Yeah, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like, uh, talking, talking therapy, home, bang boom. So I get murdered. Yeah. Don't boom, boom, boom, boom. Sco-Doo, boom, boom, boom. Right? I'm like, this is gonna be big. This isn't. So I go in, I'm sitting there.

It's me and another guy in the middle of the afternoon. All of a sudden, the door opens. It's Pat Cupa. All right, gentlemen. You can go home. I got it. I just murdered in there. And he does five minutes in the hallway

with the staff, like the people and the other comedian. I'm just like, fuck me. Fuck me. So I go in and it's everybody. It's like someone's getting the part today. So auditions go like, you know, they go, you go, you go in, then you come back, you get a producer call back, then you get a director call back, and then they make a decision usually.

This was, you go in and someone's getting this thing today. They're not fucking around. They got a shoot. Right. And I went in and, man, I started using, I don't know, I got nervous because that pack hoop is shit. Yeah. I started using my hands.

You're going into pads energy. I got in a pads fucking energy, dude. And all of a sudden the lady go, okay, great. She walked up, she whispered in my ear, the beautiful cast of dirt, she goes, stop using your hands. Oh, sit on your hands. Oh, my God. And I said, I did this. Yeah. And it fucking killed me. I had nothing. Yeah, I just was like, I just, I heard her going, sit on your hands. Yeah, stop using your hands. Yeah, I just was like, I just, I heard her going, sit on your hands. Yeah, stop your security. Yeah.

And if I could suck the energy out of me, I didn't get it either. The other guy got it. Pad, you know, pad, I mean, I've known pad since the 90s that we, my friend did a show, we used to have these phone calls where pad would call in and then I'd call up and bust balls and be like, it was like a joke. Did at first, Pat wasn't even in on it, where I'd be like speaking 90s dialogue, like, Pat, it's about dysfunctional family.

Why, what are you talking about? Like all showbiz is sometimes it's unfulfilling. Go, go, selfish for a living. Then come back and tell me what's unfulfilling. Like we just get him going. But then when he was on, you know, he's on tough crowd all the time with, and him and Patrice were like like love it for a sight.

Really? Oh my God. You know what hated Patrice? Who? What's his name? Don My Rare. Oh yeah, I know, I know. He came, I was at the cello one night

when he came back from Tough Crowd Patrice. And let me just say this, he was saying some pretty fucking harsh things about Patrice. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, he had him. Yeah, because Pat me just say this all the he was saying some pretty fucking harsh things about Patrice. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, he had him. Yeah, because Patrice was like, why don't you strap that joke to you and run into a building or something in Iraq or something like that. And then yeah, he wasn't used to the, uh, oh, but, but pat and him. Anyway, pat was on, uh, tough was on cop show too. Yeah. And the funniest time I was with Pat, this is getting Ray Garvey. Do you remember me? Ray Garvey was a cop who ran a comedy club, Pips in Brooklyn.

I'm sorry. Pips. I heard of Pips. Yes. It was a real, I'll tell you the first time I went to Pips. I'll tell you two stories. If you know, one is when I, but first I'll tell a Pat couple one. But so Ray Garvey's like, Hey, Colin, when he come out to Pips, I'm doing a movie Woody Allen's going to do stand up in my movie Garvey's like, hey, Colin, when you come out to Pips, I'm doing a movie Woody Allen's gonna do stand up in my movie. I was like, Ray, you're not getting Woody Allen's to do stand up. He isn't gonna stand up. He's been offered millions and millions of dollars for 40, 50 years to do stand up. He's not doing stand up.

He was, no, he's coming out. He's a friend of mine. I'm gonna go, God. It's like I'll do it. Lo and behold, I'm on stage. I'm sitting in Pips watching Woody Allen do stand up. Fuck you. Brings me up.

No shit. Yeah. What he does. Yeah. And he brings filming it. This is all being filmed. They're shooting the pilots. So anyway, the pilot is being shot.

So everybody's there. Every like Tony Sirico was there, you know, he's still alive. Yeah. He goes, Hey man, that was funny. I go, thanks. Hey hey man, that was funny. I go, thanks. Hey, I said that was funny. I don't just say things, just before it sprangles on the ground. And then why do it tell you people have to,

why do they have to make you feel the way they want you to feel? Yeah. You know what I mean? Hey, no, I want you to feel more. Right. That's not enough. Right. You didn't, I wasn't, like I was too like,

hey, thanks, like pal, he's like, oh, you don't walk by me and say, thanks. I get the special treatment, you know what I mean? Yeah, Italian people need to learn. You don't need to say everything. Yeah. You don't have to say it all. Yeah. Everything that goes through your brain,

some of what you can keep in your fucking head. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, they're fucking. Well, that's the thing in the other, the, oh, but anyway, so what? So I'm up there. Woody Allen's there, right?

So now incomes, so they got Woody Allen in a, in a pilot that they're gonna try to sell. He's in a pilot. This is like 1999. Woody Allen doesn't do anything. Except his stuff. He was still, where is this? This is in Pips in Brooklyn. Where is this fucking footage? Oh, yeah

So then I don't know where he died, but but um, dark up easily and but anyway And by the way, so anyway, I go to I go to a sit now so Danny a. L.O. is in the pilot to everybody's in it All the times race so Danny a little pose up, but he pose up and he's got a Jaguar, his own car. So they're going, we're going to shoot the scene. You're getting out of this car now. You guys don't you think we should use the Jaguar? It's here anyway. He wants to show people. And they're like, you're right. So they start shooting the scene. Hey, Danny, he gets out of the Jaguar. Pat Kulp pulls up at the car service. This is a low budget thing. You know,

Packo was across the street on MNZ having his big avenue and Brooklyn ships in back. And he goes, Why? He gets, they send a car service for me. And they send a Jaguar for Danny Ayello. I'm leaving. They're like, no, no, no, it's his car.

We're using it for the seat now. All right, it comes down. Said in Winnie, Allige does his stand up, brings me up. I do stand up in front of Winnie, Allige. You know, we were sitting down. They then Woody Allen does the standup, brings me up. I do stand up in front of Woody Allen, yeah. We were sitting down, they were all sitting in the audience now. So now Pat, they won't pat to shoot.

It's like a Woody Allen in the audience. So they get in clothes, you know, they only got two cameras. So they're getting all reaction shots of Pat. Pat Cooper was on for 15 minutes and is brilliant, you know? I mean, he whips, he's free associating and then, so then when he owns GettaLeave, so now they're gonna get Pat.

So they go, okay, thanks Woody. Okay, Pat, now we're putting the cameras on you, we're gonna get close up on you because what do you mean? Well, we've been shooting, we have to get Woody's reaction, he has to leave, why? So you want me to ad-lib? You want me to do what I just did work off the top of my head that I just did that had this whole room laughing that I work my whole life at my craft

to be able to do that. You want me to do it out again because you had to get fucking Woody Allen on the fucking camera laughing. You can't just get a shot of him, you couldn't fucking tickle him. Oh boy, God here, you need to, my fucking brilliant shit, fuck you, fuck Ray Garvey, fuck Woody Allen, fuck you all. And he just storms out. No. Yeah.

And then we go next door to try to calm down, Jackie Martling was there too. And then he goes, we're at Randazzo's. And those people like, Paco, it's going crazy. He's screaming and Jackie, what's going on? No, listen, you know, what do you relax? You go, hey, hold it, fuck, Jackie,

don't tell me to fuck him, relax. What do you fucking work for this show? Don't fuck him, worry about me. He's screaming in the fullest restaurant. It was so great. It was so classic,ic, ¿no? ¡Es tan bueno, man! de la situación del mundo, tu talento te mueve, solicita tu beca en fundación lacaisapunto-org. Todo empieza con un paso.

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¡Friparás! ¡Wuelas desde Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros! Volotea Sarifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com and hang out on Thursday then he's gonna leave and go do the bonfire. That's gonna be weird as fuck for me. Because... But what it became was like, after a while, I was like, dude, I think, I don't want this to end like, oh, and I, that bummed me out.

This show is, I was... But I was saying like, the way it went down. Yeah, well, I see, that was, that was people that don't, didn't like each other. Yeah, well, I see that was, that was people that don't didn't like each other. Yeah, worked. But they were sticking together for the, because together they were amazing.

Unbelievable. But they didn't like each other, but together they were amazing. Unbelievable. So what happened with this show, which I found out, I left last Wednesday, I was telling Jay this, I sometimes I would leave on A and I love on A. Yeah. But I would leave feeling, oh, fucking drained.

Cause it's like you're getting assaulted, you get a fight back, you gotta say mean things to other people, you gotta, you know, you're always in the mix, right? That whole thing was amazing, but it took a lot. And it hurt, it's like, I mean, you and Voss, you guys took, look at, it's, you guys took a lot of abuse.

It was fucking nuts, you know what I mean? But when you, I left last Wednesday after my first week, I was skipping to my car. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun. It's fun. It's not a, and credit has to go honestly to Jay

because he really does set, he sets the table of like, I've become so much funnier being around him because of his natural outlook on life. Sure. Where he's just like, yeah, man, this is funny. It's crazy. And it's like, oh yeah.

He'll look up after an hour, like, dude, all right now, I did. Yeah. And he's so positive. Yeah, he's great. And so it's all about fun. It is. And that show was so much fun,

but I was starting to feel drained. I was starting to feel like, I knew when we started, I knew Jay wanted to do this. He said, like one time we had a, we had to have like a check-in dinner with Tommy Central, or a lunch. It was always lunch. They were like, we gotta see, you know, we gotta make sure that you guys are all right. They'd check our teeth, you know,

like breeding horses. But they don't do that. Serious doesn't do that. No, Jim McClure is the motherfuckin man. Jim McClure is the shit. He's the motherfuckin man. What a fucking nice thing. Big Jim and big dream productions are on point,

but they, Comedy Central asked us. They're like, how long you guys wanna do this for? And Jay goes forever. Right. Like, honestly, with the sweetness of a child. Sure. He was like, forever. And I went, not that long. I was like forever and I went not that long. I was like, I don't know, but I don't, that's a lot.

I don't wanna do forever. And it never was like being shitty. It was just kinda like, yeah, and I said it on the bonfire. I thought we were gonna do this like two, three years. We did it eight, eight years, man. And we got to eight and I was like, I think I'm good. And J being the sweetheart of his at Skankfest South, we were watching Ellosmania, we were watching the fights or whatever.

And Jay and I were smoking a joint and he like brought up something about the bonfire. And I went, what would you say if like, I told you my gas tanks get a little low on that and he was like, buddy, you just tell me when and it's, it'll be cool. And I was like, I called Katie later. Cause I, dude, you know me, I'm a people pleaser. Sure. That's why you never got mad at me as a headman. Yeah, you corporate dad.

Yeah, exactly. Dude, a guy in the front row, shout out the front, the dude in the front row of Buffalo Helium, where I was talking about, I was saying on stage, like I'm, I'm really trying to work on not trying to be liked so much. Yeah. Cause I think it takes away from who I am.

I'm like giving myself away in order for people to like me. And I want Jada like me, because I love him. I love him, he's one of my favorite people on earth. And so knowing I knew that they would hurt him if I left the bonfire. So I was racked with anxiety. And then I asked him that it's skankfest. And he was like, yeah, man, I love you.

Just tell me when, and dude, I slept that night. Like a baby. The first time ever. If I like, dude, I slept so deep that I remember waking up in my hotel, confused where I was. I was like, that was a deep sleep. Well, it's funny.

He came to me at JFL. Yeah. And he just, nonchalantly, we were hanging out doing tummy time. Yeah, laying on your tummy times, watching TV. Yeah, we're we were hanging out doing tummy time. Yeah, laying on your tumtums watching TV. Yeah, we're having a great time doing tummy time. Oh, see, that's why it's another, you're another perfect villain. So this can tummy time and talk about the show.

Do it watching YouTube. Yeah. And doing tummy time. And then he said he goes, would you ever like do the bonfire with me? If Dan ever left, like something like that. And I mean, to me, that's just ridiculous talk, whatever. left like something like that and I mean to me That's just ridiculous talk whatever but I'll do anything. Yeah, let's do it So I'd love to work with Jay because Jay

You know when he came up I Was in that mode of you know Ego and I'm the shit and I was doing this and that and you know these younger fucks are coming up your paint Or I'll paint this and that and you know these younger fucks are coming up your paint Or I'll paint in the ass whatever and then we kind of fell out a little bit He went and did his thing. I was over here doing my shit But then we we came back together at some point and I I just realized I'm like Jay is One of the sweetest dudes I know big sweet just sweet funny Yeah, I mean and and I've always loved them,

but we kind of separate a little bit. Sure. And then we go back together and I love being around the kid. I love being around him. He makes me laugh. He's always just, I smile. And in my life in the last couple of years, I try, I'm like, I'm done with people who don't make me smile.

Yeah. I'm done with taxing people. Yeah. I only want to be around people that light up my innards. Yeah. And he's one of them. There you go. So, when he said that, I'm like, do I fucking do anything with you?

But in all honesty. Yeah, you thought like. Dude, in all honesty, up until a month ago, I was like, this ain't happening. Oh, really? You thought I was bullshit, this ain't happening. Oh, really? You thought I was bullshit? I didn't think you were bullshit. I just thought that maybe, and I told Don this,

I go listen, Don, none of this is real. This is, you know, if Dan at any point wants his job back or figures, figures something different out of, maybe they do this and that, and they have you come in for that and this or whatever. This isn't a real thing. This is Dan and Jay's thing. And then I don't know what I'm talking to you.

And I was like, oh shit, this is real. And then I talked to Jay after that and they're like, no, this is gonna happen. And I felt I was like, I'm fine with it. Yeah. I'm fine with it because I like working with Jay. I want to be home more. Yeah.

This is kind of a perfect match for me. I want to be able to say no to more shit. My comedy is the best it's ever been. I'm getting, you know, everything's great because of the special and I had a resurgent with it. So that's great. And this just came out of the blue. Yeah.

And I was like, okay, this is great. And told I went in that first day, bro. Yeah. It wasn't real. Until you sign on and you hear the new, it's the bonfire with a frequency. That's freak, freak, man. Freaked me out.

Freaked me out. Freaked me out. And I called Jay, go listen Jay, you're so good at this, you're so that. And I don't know, and Jacob, and I know them, but I don't know them like you. And he's so, he's like's like, a couple weeks a month, your shoulders are gonna drop, everybody's cool,

everybody loves you. And those guys have been fucking great. Yeah, they're the first. If they weren't, if they weren't all on board, it wouldn't work. The reason I knew when I finally told Jay, like, because we talked about his gangfest, but then one day after we did two-day shows

and we were outside and dude, I had spent like five sessions with Alan being like, how do I say it? He was just, just tell him, expect a reaction. Why, expect him to understand. You know how Alan is. You should expect that. And finally, I was just like,

Jay, dude, I think at the end of this contract, it was in May, I think in March, I think I'm done. And he was like, you sure? He goes, all right, well, you should expect that. And finally, I was just like, Jay, do you know, I think at the end of this contract, it was in May, I think in March, I think I'm done. And he was like, you sure? He goes, all right, well, you got time. So you can think about it. He's the greatest. Great. And it really just became this thing of like,

I went through a lot of cycles of being like, should I fucking do this? And honestly, at the end of the day, since I've left and stuff, it's still scary. Yeah. But that's, how do you feel other moments where you like, dude, I fucked up. Um, close, it gets close to that.

It gets close to like, eh, shit, what did I do? Yeah. I just built a thing and then I walk away from it. But then there's part of me that's like, I didn't walk away for, I wasn't, I had my reasons. My reasons were like, I know how good I wanna be at standup and I'm nowhere near there. So I need to go do something that scares the fuck out of me

and just go live on the road and just like write and just come up with like, you know, everyone's got YouTube specials now. I need a YouTube special, I need two YouTube specials, I need fucking, and I wanna start putting out 15 minute sets that are filmed beautifully, because you can do that now. It feels weird to shit, but it also is very exciting.

And I've thought- It must be, the golden handcuffs are off you. It just feels like- And you get to go and be something or go and do stuff that you don't know what it is. I just have had a lot more energy in my stand. Yeah. I've just been like, you guys wanna fuck around?

I'm like doing shit on stage that I've never done before, cause I'm like, I'm fucking figuring out. This is fun. And the fans still love you. Dude, they have been incredible. They have been fucking incredible. They have understood it on a level

that I did not expect, where they were like, hey man, we love you. We'll see what you got next. We'll be there for that. Yep. Good luck. Right. Has been 80% of that. 80 to 85% of it. It's a lot. It is. And then there has been people that are very upset and like, fuck you. What are you doing? Put something out right now. Why don't you have anything? And those are like, all right, you know, I don't think you really haven I haven't looked at anything. Yeah, there's been a dude, it's been, I've been looking, you know, Twitter, I read where I'm taking a dump and positive with you.

They're like, I'm sad to see Dan Sotar go, but love that Robert Kelly stepping in. Yeah, we have, we have a good time, man. It's going to be listening. I'm having a good time with Jay. This show, in the boys and the girl, that that show the bonfire wasn't me and Jay. It was me. Jay, Jacob, Christine, Lou, black, Lou. I learned that the first day. I went, oh my God. And you know where I learned that from my calta. Yeah. As a very similar set. Oh, dude, he's got Spanish. She's got Carmen. He's got a sitcom cast. You're going to's got it. It's a sitcom cast. You gotta do stand up.

You got a lot of stuff going on. It's a very crazy, it's crazy, but it's good crazy. It's scary. Yeah. It's definitely like, but it's also fun as fuck. Like Arty was like, what are you doing this week at, you know, I was like in Vancouver doing shows and he's like, do you have anything to do before? I was like, no, he's like, come out to Seattle and open for me.

And I went out to Seattle, the historic Moore theater, got to open for R.E. and then we drove up to Vancouver and I was like, this is the shit I was talking about. Yeah, just like, I feel that with the Bobfire. No, but I went and did Toronto on a Wednesday. Yeah. It shows on a Wednesday and was like, it's showing that I'll do my week. You can do whatever you want. Whatever I want.

You want to do whatever you want. You have freedom. You need a little freedom. You need a little freedom to grow as a comedian, as a performer. Yeah. Now you're as a husband, a fiance. A partner.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my dog's happy that I'm around a little bit more now during the days. Yeah. It's good, man. I mean, you know, it's a... Do you guys are going to be fucking phenomenal?

Yeah. No, we have a fun, man. I told Donald I was talking, I go, all of them doing is I'm going to have fun. Yeah. That's it. I'm just going in and have fun with Jay. Yeah. And that's all.

That's exactly it. And it really is like... It's weird where I'm at in life right now. I wouldn't have been able to do this two years ago right now. I wouldn't have been able to do this two years ago. Yeah. I wouldn't have been able to do it. I wasn't there. But that's what I'm saying.

Everything happens for a reason. It's a weird thing that I got the surgery. I got my head together. I've done a lot of things in the last couple of years. And now you get to enjoy it. And now all of a sudden it's like, oh, this is weird. And what's weird is I'm like, I like go in my head to be like,

who's mad at me for leaving the bonfire? Cause that's what my brain does all the time. Who's mad at me? I'm always like, someone's mad at me, I suck. I'm mad at me, someone else's mad at me. Who's mad at me? And I keep being like, who's mad at me? I'm like, no one really?

No. No one that I love. Nobody is. No one that I love. Nobody is. No one that I love is mad at me. Everyone's pretty happy. Yeah. I can imagine there's feelings, like I'm sure Jay is upset.

Like Jay and I have talked on the phone and he's like, do you miss it? I'm like, yeah, dude, I miss you. I miss you like a motherfucker. Right. I was like, I miss hanging out with you. And Jay was honest with me. He's like, that's the thing I'm sad about

is I'm not gonna see you as much. Yeah. Just because he's not, because we're not, and I call the weird on the phone a couple of days ago and he goes, so this is it. We're just funny and private now. And I go, I mean, on as a guest motherfucker, I got live dates to plug.

But it's like, I have this feeling of like, I'm waiting to see who's mad at me. And then when I go through my mental checklist and no one's mad at me, you know what it feels like? When you look at the clock and you have three more hours to sleep, you know when you look and you go, I got, oh no, I got three out.

That's how I feel right now. Well, I'm like, who's mad about, oh, oh, it's time. Well, Dan, it's a new stage of your life. I mean, it's weird because it's a new stage of my life too. It's a new stage of J's life. A lot of people's lives are changing. Can I tell you you've made it easier for me?

Why is that? Because you're you and you're my older brother. It's like my two older brothers are doing a show and I can just talk to you guys. I don't have to be it because I think that's what drives people crazy as silence or not communicating. 100%. And you just eat your own brain.

And I can call Jay and be like, dude, I gotta hang. You know what I'm saying? I can call you and be like, hey, how's it going? Or you call me? I call you, I call Jay. Yeah, and I love it. I love the communication and I love like, I'm still waiting, I'm just, Jay is so great,

but I'm still waiting for you. You're already come up here. Jay's going to, you know, Jay's not, you know, like, she's gonna, like I'm waiting for him to go, hey man, I don't know if this is happening. Like, you know what I mean? Oh, like, he's having, Jay's not it. You know like she's gonna like I'm waiting for him to go. Hey, man I don't know if this is happening like you know, I mean, oh like he's having a hard time with it No, like you know like hey, man. I don't know if we're gonna just go work out. I'm gonna oh you think he's gonna be like Hey, we gave it a shot. Yeah, dude. I'm gonna I'm gonna do gammard you Josh Mondays and Justin on Wednesday Just as a Wednesday the roast was on Tuesdays. Yeah, if you want to do Wednesday

Just as a Wednesday, derosos on Tuesdays. Yeah, if you want to do Wednesday, and it's perfect. Yeah. And it's going to be like, he even nailed it. Your shoulders are going to drop, and you're going to be like, Lex, part of me thinks that this is an elaborate plan for you to just get away for a year.

And then you like, Come back and I'm like, Jay, take me back. No, it's like you guys plan the same thing. You leave for a year, put Bobbie in. They'll come in, put him in. We'll do the nine month thing. You come back in that much, do you think?

And then you come back in, we'll whip it out. Jay said he had a nightmare. He was like, you know what I was having nightmares that you were like, hey, I wanna, I'm like, because they got your contract taken care of. He started having nightmares, I was like, I want back in. Yeah.

He's been like, dude, you know, hard it was for me to fucking tell everybody that I wanted out. Yeah. Well, it's hard. It was hard for me too when it became real, but I mean, now it's not. Now it's easy. Now you're out, dude. You're gone.

See you. Well, no, I don't. I mean, it's a weird ethical problem. Sure. Because it's like, I got my head up. So I see you come and you want me to step around, you want the world apart, like the Red Sea while you watch your fucking video. Right.

Um, but the only way for me to like, enforce that, like unfairness is to deliberately smash into you. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I, in other words, I have deliberately smash into you. You know what I mean? Yeah, and otherwise I have to walk around you because you're putting more civil responsibility on me by keeping your fucking head down and it's really arrogant. But when I'm with my dog, I don't move for them

because I have a dog in tow and also I could close line them. Right. So at least they're at the knees. Right. There's because know, at least they're at the knees. Right. There's because I'm not gonna, if they, that's there, then I'm like, this is your problem. And then I do a little bit of chicken with them.

I keep, I keep walking until they see my feet and then they look up, oh. Right. And I'm like, hi, I have a few times when somebody's got their head down and I got the dog and it's not easy for me to move. I've done this. Yeah. I get my hand in there or I go

Like lift them up lift them up. Yeah, I actually go. Hey, hey, hey. Yeah, I do that a little whistle Hey, hey, I go ahead. I do the same thing every time. Hey, hey, hey. It's fat Albert We're gonna sing a song to you and you might learn to think go to We'll get together. Great songs and all his pals. Food, you know, fucking great songs. Yeah. Cartoon juice to have. Oh, that was my favorite. Do you ever hear the Jefferson's? Oh, yeah, of course.

I mean, no, the Jetsons, the Jetsons. Yeah, but the song is the shit. Bannett. Yeah, it was like a good pastor. It's great. Um, I do that. I go like this. Hey, hey, hey. They get scared. I love scaring people on the street. Who do that shit? I liked in good times at the end of the song.

It ends with everybody going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Times, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't do New York anymore when I had a kid. I just, it broke me. Because I became so protective of my family, I became savage. Because I'd walk with the baby carriage and people don't care that you have a baby carriage

in time square. No, they don't give a shit. What do you do when it's time square with a baby carriage? Because that's my baby's RS, was right there. I lived a 47-year-old. Well, that's my baby's R.S. was right there. I lived a 47-secret. Well, you lived in the neighborhood. I lived, that was my neighborhood. That was kitchen was my neighborhood.

Yeah, what is it? So we had to go to babies R.S., we had to go to Times Square, go up in that fucking elevator, walk around, and he had, he needed, Aluminium Formula. We had to get like the most expensive, hard-defined formula because my wife's tits didn't work. That was a fucking nightmare.

The first week when she was supposed to get the, she put the things on her tits, and it wasn't getting enough, and she's just crying in the kitchen where the tits are with these things. It's such a hard time. And I nobody to call, it's like three in the morning, and I'm trying to squeeze her tit

And she's slapping it. It's not how it works. And I'm like, you don't know. I remember it was time Especially with the first kid with my wife and all of a sudden you have so much to people that you have to to take care of Yeah, like life kind of gets you there gradually because first you're a couple You're two equal adults, both capable. Yeah. And then she gets pregnant, she starts becoming needy and invalid.

And she starts slowing you down. She starts slowing down that explosive young energy. Yeah. You get out of a cab, you can't just get out. You gotta help her. Help her out. This is getting you ready for the kid. Like she gets you ready

This thing of like we got to slow down. Yeah, we don't sleep like we used to nope There's a new equipment around up. There's no nothing sexy anymore Nothing no clothes look good anymore Yeah, and everything's a little and I'm tired. This is getting you ready for the kid Well, that's what they they should tell you they say dude get your sleep get your sleep. You're gonna baby It's should be the other way. It's like dude. Yeah, that's what they should tell you. They say, dude, get your sleep. Get your sleep. You have a baby. It should be the other way. It's like, dude, learn how not to sleep. You got to train yourself not to sleep. Like a Navy SEAL. Yes. And if you don't, I mean, if you have a job that's nine to five, that's a whole other thing. But if you don't have a nine to five job, you should just give up on your sleep when you sleep, which is a hard

thing. Fuck day and night with the new baby, fuck day and night. But I remember having like a, you know, the baby and the mom with tender body and bad back and all kinds of stuff and having this tent that tender feeling. There's a lot of pain in the room. There's a lot of a lot of vulnerability and stuff. I liked it a lot. What? Yeah, I loved it. Why? Because...

They know you're going there. Somebody's hurting. Why? I just think it's so great. Why? Because... I don't know. It's just funny and it reminds me that I'm not.

Yeah. No, I just like being... I like being needed that way. There's a nice, there's a tender feeling in a house where there's like a baby and a, and a mom with my wife had a C section. So she's a post op. Oh, you know, don't shot it right out of her to a,

and I'll never forget it because he would have hair. Right. It was like scraping her inside of her pussy. Well, when he was coming out, imagine hair in her pussy. That's not her hair. And through your inside. Yeah.

Just leaving your head or like cone shape when they come out. Yeah. And it's like this. She's imagine. I remember her hair. Her pubes and his hair one at one point in the middle. So it was like just this

hairy ball vagina coming out and I fucking I almost screamed. I looked away. I didn't understand that. And then the head came out and I saw his little forehead, his little wrinkly pale forehead.

Yeah. And I didn't people look. I was lying when the head came out and I saw his little forehead, his little wrinkly pale forehead. Yeah. And I didn't, people, look, I was lying. When the baby came out, I was like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, like I was faking emotion because I was so... No, I'm not feeling anything. Well, yeah, she was crying and like, oh, and really, I was like, it's our baby.

I was saying shit I heard in movies and TV shows because I was in such shock of what just happened that I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I remember I had, well, the two were different because the second one I had a camera, she let me bring a camera, I had a film camera. So I was into the pictures I was taking. Like, I mean, I had some great pictures.

But anyway, but the first time I remember, they had to give her, she was in labor for like 24 hours or something. She really wanted to give natural birth and I really wanted to death for her. And she tried and tried and it was really hard. And then the doctor starts, they start getting shitty. They go, this kid's got to come out.

Yeah, they do. We're done with this. Right. So she had a C section and they had it, she was like sort of like almost like strapped down like Jesus on this table and they had a sheet up like this so that she can't see. Yeah.

But she's awake, they just did a spinal tap and she's just laying there. Yeah. because she can't see, but she's awake. They just did a spinal tap and she's just laying there. And on the other side, they've opened up her abdomen. And it's open and she goes, what's going on? And I go, just poker face. I go, nothing, they're just cleaning you up. I would be able to do that. And then the doctor starts fishing around.

I used to do a bit about this, I think. I don't remember, but it was like she's trying to find socks in her luggage, you know, without an accident. She's just shoving shit around. Right. Just fucking takes this baby out who looks like, what the fuck? Like she starts and she's purple face and she's like,

ah! So mad. It was just so sudden, I couldn't fucking believe it. Yeah. And then they cut the cord and they wrap her up and they show her to the mom like this, or like a second. And the mom gets to look at her like this. And she said, we decided we weren weren't gonna decide till that moment. And her mom said don't you think this should be her name?

And I said yeah. What are you gonna say? No. What if you like? Well, I know. I was thinking Sasha. Yeah, like Sasha. But then they took the baby over to this little scale.

Like right away they got to know what she weighs. It's fucking psychotic. Like weigh the baby over to this little scale. Like right away, they're gonna know what she weighs. It's fucking psychotic. Like weigh the baby. And the mom is post-op. Also, I watched her take some of her organs out of this. And then take a thing like what you do the dishes with, a little spray nozzle. And just spray them,

the ducks are just spraying down parts. But still connected. Shove, yes. And then shove them back in. Oh, how do you eat anything on the scale being like aspirated? They take the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the on all this and like clearing her airways. And she's just like screaming. And I got this, this was like the size of her head. I got this close to her head and I said, it's okay. It's okay.

And she looked at me. For a few seconds, she stopped crying. She just looked right at me and I was like, whoa. Holy shit. And the fact that we had a relationship is I have some, the kids I'm useful to this kid. Yeah. That was it.

It's been my whole life, it's been a long thing. That none of that happened to me. She, it shot out her badge and they handed that baby right to Don and I didn't touch it until far away. Yeah, I know that's the thing with C section. I got to, I got to hold the kid for a long time before her mother could, she got her second. I had her for a couple of hours for her mother.

I think Tom, Tom Papa held Max before me. I'm pretty sure he came in like seconds, I had done with his two daughters. But it was, the second I connected with my kid, is I looked down at him and he went, and he smiled and I was like, fuck, that's the first time where I really felt this is a real thing.

Up until then it's, you know. It's abstract. It's very about the mom first. Yeah, and it's about getting her through the pregnancy. And she's got all these notions of how she wants to have this baby and stuff. But you kind of party feels like you're going to go to the hospital, get the baby out and just go home with two of you. Yeah, it's this party that's not like the part that doesn't compute until it happens is,

oh, now we have this fucking, it felt rest of their life. It never hit me because it would hit me. I couldn't stay in the hospital which bothered me because in New York, up in Hell's Kitchen, whatever, I forget the name of the hospital. They used to let you stay as a husband, you could stay in the room with her all night

and they were like, you have to leave it a certain time and I was like, why? Apparently there was a guy. Is that one guy to run? Going around, finger-fucking finger fucking women in their sleep. I swear to God. Stop. Yup, he ruined it for everybody.

A dad? No, it was a guy. Like a guy would come up to the floor and he was sexually assaulting women. So he ruined that for every man that had every any hospital? Yes, well that hospital. You couldn't stay after eight o'clock

because they didn't have enough staff to keep going in and check in that no one's getting Yeah, you know or you paid a or you paid a thousand dollars for your wife not to give finger blasts. Yeah, you look at you look at a Add in the paper. It says wanted, you know, whatever some you know help wanted Presbyterian hospital, yeah, and you show up and you go well, you know, I'm not a nurse that you don't have to be, it's all right. And they say they ask you references, what is this job? We need you to make sure that nobody's finger-finger

in here. That's it. You have to go in and look in there, vagina's make sure there's no fingers in there. Okay, but what if I see it? You don't, if you can't also, you need to get in there, feel in there with your finger.

To make sure there's no fingers. Yeah. Okay, but what if it's the husband, finger need to get in there, feel in there with your finger. To make sure there's no fingers. Yeah. Okay, but what if it's the husband, finger fuck on the wife? You need to tell them, let me know. Let me know if you're gonna do it. Okay. It was, it was nuts.

And then I left and my wife had a panic attack the first night. Dawn, who's one of the strongest human beings, I know, who never panic. She just bottles it up like a good old Boston chick and buries it. After the baby was born. After the baby was born, I had to leave that night and I got a call from the nurses that she fucking lost her mind in the middle of the night at all hit her.

And they all, I, all these nurses, I love nurses. They all gathered around her. And they, nurses, they all gathered around her. Yeah. And they slapped her. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, they just, they shut the fuck with that. And then they started finger fuck and she was like, oh, then she came. Shut the fuck up.

Okay. All right. You're okay. And she's, she's, that's good. Yeah, that's what I have to do to her now when she has panic attacks. I have to, I have to, why have a bunch of nurses that are on call that come over and we force.

What's going to work out? No, but they helped her through it, which I was bummed. Because I was like, I wanted to be there. That's my thing. I was supposed to be there. And I had some three fat middle-aged nurses come iner down and she was asking for me and I was home sleeping, having pizza, Doritos, fucking playing Xbox for the last time.

And you know, she, I couldn't go, I couldn't go, it sucked because that finger fucking loser. Yeah. What are you gonna do though? What are you gonna do? Okay, can we go back? All right. All right, let's go back because Bobby,

I feel like you have a selective memory. I don't. That's ridiculous. Oh, okay. That's so ridiculous, dude. My brain is, do you? No, you, no, let's go. Let's, you know, like those movies where they show

the guy, his angle, but then they show, they show the guy's angle, they show the reverse of what the other person was going through. Let's do that. We saw you walking up. I'm scared. You saw me and you walked up and I was just like mean and rude and then you walked away hurt and you were like, what the fuck for years, right? Now let's do the reverse.

I'm on the other end. I just had an issue with somebody inside. I was talking to Alonzo Bowden about some stuff at the other end. I just had an issue with somebody inside. I was talking to Alonzo Bowden about some stuff at the festival. At the festival. So you walked in during a heated moment, right? You walked in during like a serious thing and my kid was like,

I don't you like black people? Hang on, that's not. That's a good guy. That's first of all. He's a good guy. That's first of all. He's a good guy. First of all, that was not what he said. Like he's one of those green mile blacks. He's really magical.

Yeah, when he makes white people jokes, I agree with him. I'm like happy. I really like him. I love him too. We were talking, and my kid was about to come up, right, with my family. You pulled your dick out.

That's so crazy. What are you talking about? I pulled my penis out and Montreal. Outside, yes. You pulled your dick out. You pulled your dick out. So I'm sitting there. You know what's open.

All right, let's call Lanzo. Let's call Lanzo. Let's call Alonzo right now. Oh, okay. Let's call it. You don't remember this. Call the magical black guy. Let's let's see what happens you all right Because you know it's bullshit though. You said there's something about me threatening to punch you wait

I'm getting to that. That's another thing. Oh, so there's two things a dick and punch. There's a dick punch Oh, there's a dick. Okay. There's a dick and punch. You ready? I hope he doesn't pick up. Oh, I hope he does hello Alonzo so it's back to team mobile bad service and a cheat guys Hello, Arlanzo. So it's back to T-Mobile. Bad service at a cheap price. It may not get your call, it may not get your message. You might want a text speak,

but thanks for calling. Thank you. Talk to you soon. He's doing jokes on his outgoing and so stupid. What does it, 1985? What the fuck is that? It's a last comic stand. I'm going to recall it now,

because that's the last comic standing. Ah, okay. Let's go further back. Let's go further back, Bobby. Can I argue with the point though, why would I pull my penis out in Mont Canada and risk getting arrested? I don't know the fucking rules. Great.

Let me ask you question. Have you ever just pulled your penis out? In what situation? Any. As a defense mechanism, yes. Okay. I'm just saying. I'm just saying, ask me if I have.

Does a snake have a rattle? Yes. I would dick. Okay. So you're dick. I get scared and my dick comes out. That's it. Yeah, yeah. So you dick is your rattle.

And you scared the shit out of me. So, but you know what? Because of your attitude, what happens when you hear a rattle on a rattle snake? What happens to that person that he is that? What happens? It depends on what kind of what you are. If you're Steve Irwin, you investigate.

Okay. You're not a Steve Irwin, aren't you? I'm not. So what, what are you then? I am your coward. No, I'm not a coward. I'm a regular man. Oh, okay, my bad. And I heard, and I heard, and I heard the rattle of your cock

and what it'd do. It scared me away. But are you scared of a little Korean rattle? It's scary, Bobby. Korean rattles. What scary is that I was having this conversation with both like a long ago about this serious thing. And you walked up with, Hey, and then you pulled your cock out. And I was like, I went like this. I was like, what the fuck, dude? Put you I said the fuck to put you dick away. I don't I don't remember doing that 100% okay. If you say that, there's one thing I don't do, put your dick away. I don't, I don't remember doing that. 100%. Okay.

If you say that, there's one thing I don't do, Bobby, is lie, I don't. I don't either. Did you hear people laughing? I know, people are laughing. So I think do you do lie. I don't, okay. No, no, no.

Or I, you know, I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt. I hope so. I pulled my dick out. You did. But, what's the issue before? The issue, okay, with the punching one. So we book an industrial, I would call it, not a commercial,

because it's only gonna be seen internally through the bank that hired us. People don't know what these are. So they're learning video. What are you talking about? That's the thing we shot. That was not meant. Or the commercial thing.

The commercial thing was, it was an internal commercial for a bank. Huge, we're getting paid, sick common money to do this. There's a whole world, this famous people world that everybody tries to get through. There's a whole other world of industrial stuff where you're getting a lot of money to do a little skit or video for a huge corporation that will never be seen by anybody. Okay. We

booked this. I am scared like you, but I don't have a rattle. I don't have a rattle. I don't have a little ding thing that I can take out. I just have to hold on to my fear. I'm scared. Well, you have a rattle. You're just afraid to use it. I am afraid to use it. So you have a rattle. I do have it, right? But you're afraid to use it. I'm afraid to use it. Okay. And those snakes die. When a snake doesn't use his rattle, they die in the wilderness.

This, the rattle falls off. Whatever. Okay. Then I'll use my rattle more. You should. I will. I'll use it. And let me say something.

Yes. Right? Yes. Yes. Probably big rattle now. I probably have a better route. Not a big one, I'd say better. Well, you know, if you can, anyway, let's move on. Okay, all right.

So we do, we book this thing in LA. Okay. I get the best stallings there. I don't know her. Oh yeah, she's great. One of my favorite, we became great friends on this. Lover. There was another guy there, I forget his name,

other comedian. I just remember the level of, the director was Mitch. Yep, Mitch, who, her, what's, Mitch, who did, Rest of element, Rest of element, great guy. As soon as I heard you and Mitch, I'm on. Soon as I heard you and Mitch, I was on too.

And then I'm back back back back. Where's the problem? The problem is here. Here's your, your, a rattle, your rattle, you have a, you have another rattle. Your rattle. You have a different, you have another rattle. Your rattle, your other rattle is violence. Oh, it's so fucking ridiculous.

What you're about to, no, no, no, no, no, no. It makes me so angry. Why am I even here right now? You're angry. Why am I even here right now? This is ridiculous. You're angry. See, I'm not angry.

You're angry. You just say, all right. Wait, because I'll tell you why I'm angry. Okay. I'll tell you, because whenever you're about to say now, is so like nothing that something that I would do. It's okay. So we're there and I was so excited to meet you.

When did you meet you? We've met before. But I was so excited to see you. Sorry, I used the wrong word. See what I'm saying? What do you get it right? Don't turn my produces. You all have ought to need or they'll just is that the first time we met? Listen, no, we was the first time we're doing something together. I'm sitting here with Bobby Lee from Mad TV. Yeah, and I'm here. I'm here with a guy from what's the call? Tourm right right there tourgasms very good stuff

you and Jay Davis my god I've been in Castelo do next level dog next go ahead he's probably appreciate that yeah sincerity sincerely in that. I love that. Beautiful. So, with sitting outside, I'm smoking a butter, something, a tie. And you're outside and you're kind of in your own head. You're kind of like sitting there outside your trailer, kind of pissed off at something. No. But then you said, you come out, I was a hey man, good to see you, and we had a little exchange.

And then we go to shoot. We're in the diner scene. Remember the diner scene? That's something. I mean, hey man, good to see you. We had a little exchange. And then we go to shoot. We're in the diner scene. Remember the diner scene? That's something. I mean, yeah, man, is that something? Oh, I mean, yeah. I literally have a photo of you and I together in front of your trailer.

Smiling a little baby. 100% right? So that encounter I had with, oh, there's Bobby Kelly in front of your trailer. Yeah. Smiling like a little baby. Yeah, we were smiling. Okay I took that photo. You wanted nothing to do with me

You have the photo. Yes. Yeah, I don't have it. Huh? I don't have it. Okay, so you took the photo. I did I remember okay Okay, so I was like hey, can we and you're like yeah, yeah Whatever yeah, yeah, but whatever I was a guy. I probably has a hard day with something happened who the fuck knows right we go to shoot and You my friend, we're fucking angry about something. You were mad at me about something. I don't know what it was, but you were kinda snapping at me a little bit. And you're like, you fucking, you said,

you knew your comics, something to that effect. Like, you guys think you're bad asses of something like that. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I do not think that. No, you do. What? Do I think what? You guys are bad asses. I think you have leather jackets. I think you have leather jackets. We do have it. We get smoke cigarettes. It gets cold. I know. We need something to do. We don't have. Hey, are you doing? You have that fucking thing. Well, not all of us. Are you doing not all of us you doing? Not all of us. And I get intimidated.

All right, well, okay. Ben asks. Okay. Fonsi. Okay. For instance, Fonsi, dude. Yeah. Well, you're the guy in the kitchen.

What's his name? Al. Al. Al. I said Al. You're Fonsi. Right? Right?

And Al's a West Coast comic. Okay. Right. Nice to everybody. Okay. Wait for his time. I thought that was true. I thought it was true. And you might have, I'll give you that. I have tone issues. Exactly.

Okay, I have tone issues. Okay, good. I'm unaware of them. You have them. But I'm unaware of them. I love you, but go on. And you're saying that I threatened you. Okay, wait, wait.

Okay. We're at the table. Yeah. And we're sitting there. In between takes, mic'd up. This is recorded somewhere. somebody has the audio of this Because you said to me across the table You were like I said something I go dude fucking should fuck you dude with that shit

And you go I'll jump across this fucking table and rip your throat out. That's what you said to me. Oh my god This fucking guy look at me look at me. Yeah my god, this fucking guy. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. I'm looking at you. You said, I'll jump across this table. Look like this too. You had your little teeth like this.

I'm gonna jump across this fucking table. It would be a throwout. Something like that. I went, and I went, and you don't remember me going, go ahead. I said to you, go ahead, you fucking cocks. I could see what happened. You don't remember that? Yeah, I don't remember that. Yes! Why, I said to you, go ahead, you fucking cocks out, because see what happens. You don't remember that?

Yes, I don't remember that. Yes, why would I, I don't know. Okay, number one, you're a nice Bobby Lee. You're the one everybody loves. Wait, wait, wait, listen, let's come, can we just, can we just, right? Yeah, let's come back to plan it,

stop trying to get them on your side. Look at me, no, wait, don't look at them, don't look at them. Don't look at them, don't look at them. Look away, look away, oh, you'll be fired. All right, but just take your, look minute, don't look at them. No, but don't look at that sign. Don't look at them, don't look at them. Look away, look away, oh you'll be fired. All right, but just take it, hey guys, hey guys. Look away, don't look at them. Joe, look that, look that.

I was just gonna, there's no one there, right? I wanna look this way. Look away, don't look at me there. There's no one, look at him. I don't care, I don't want them looking at you, is it? So it's gonna let you guys know, is this make sense? See what you're doing right there. I'm there with Mitch, the guy that created

a rusted development at there with Mitch, right? The guy that created a rest of the development at a corporate job, right? Mike Dopp, right? And I tell a guy who could obviously kick my ass, right? Then I'm gonna jump across the table and rip your throat out. Is that making any fucking sense to anybody in this world? That sounds like if you can't fight regular,

that's what you would do. What? You jump across and go for my throat. Okay, when Orishya Fear beat me up. He beat you up? Yeah, you that's what you would do. What? You jump across, you go from my throat. Okay, when Orish your fear beat me up. He beat you up. Yeah, you know this. I don't. Yeah.

Why do you beat you up? Three times he beat me up. He really beat you up. Yeah, kick my face 50 times. Why? Here we go. So that's what I'm saying. Is that people beat me up all the time, right?

Oh. So sorry, I feel bad. I know. Yeah. People beat me up all the time. Why? I never got one lick in. I, I feel bad. Yeah, I do. People beat me up all the time. Why? I never got one lick in. I think I did that.

And then his face is here. You don't know any, yeah. See, that's what I'm saying. That's the New York shit. No, I'm saying. That's the fucking shit I'm talking about. What? What you're saying that I know kung fu.

No. You think a caraté is that your saying you fucking shit? Would you talk to that with Ronnie Chang? Would you go to Ronnie Chang or Margot Joe and go, do you guys know tech one though? Ronnie Chang, first of all does know, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Okay, let me tell you this about,

I know this for a fact, I fuck harder than him. I bet you do, but Ronnie Chang. I've been hanging out with him. I fuck so much harder than him. I fuck, you know what? I'm being real, it's not even a joke. I wasn't saying that as a joke. I understand.

He does tender love. Right. Not me, dude. I'm a fucking pound away. I'm like a cream badger. You got to get in my honey badger. You got to get as much in there as you can. I just, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah.

You know, with the shoulders. This is me and the shoulders. You go from underneath. Yeah, like this. I hook. And then you hook. You're right. Yeah, Ronnie doesn't do that. He swaps really. And then what? I Yeah, like this I hook. And then you hook. You're right. Ronnie doesn't do that. He swaps really.

And then what? I go down like this. You pump it? Yeah. And then what do you do? I don't want to get into it. All right. I reveal too much.

Okay. I don't want to. Already. But my. So you do have a technique. You were taught something from the elders. No, no. There we go again.

I'm just saying. There's a wise man on a hill. I'm. You have to carry. You think there's a wise man on a hill that told me that? I don just saying. There's a wise man. There's a wise man on a hill. Yeah, I'm just, you have to carry. You think there's a wise man on a hill that told me that? I don't know. After the fucking, the fucking, whatever, what do you call it?

I don't know. Grasshopper. You learned how to stand on a penis. Oh, you think there's a monkey technique? You can do pushups on your deck. I'm just saying, I looked at Ronnie and I know I can, a fuck harder. That's all right.

I understand, I agree with you. It's not a fact. But I'm saying what you did that day was kind of fucked up. I never did that. He did. And here's what happened to, remember this. Did you get the date? Did I see it as a joke?

I mean, I should question. Dude, that's a joke, you think. I don't know, but here's the thing. I'm not from, like if you joked about ripping my throat out in anger and your little, you know, I was like, what the fuck? I was like, whatever, we moved on from it. We went and you're little, you know, I was like, what the fuck? I was like, whatever, we moved on from it. We went and shot other scenes, right?

Yeah. But that stuck with you. It was kind of like, oh, Bob, what the fuck, dude? I didn't know you were angry. I didn't see you as angry. And you were kind of angry. So whatever, I blew it up. So anyways, you know, did you get your last payment?

Remember they held the payment back? Yeah. Yeah, can you, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, hang on one second, sir. Oh, sir, we're gonna get something uncomfortable. Okay, we're gonna talk about something uncomfortable. Okay, great. Do you guys edit this out or no?

We can beep it out. You never edit this live. We allow them the option to read the mouse, to read the lips. If there's somebody who to read the mouse, to read the lips. If there's somebody who can read lips, they deserve to know the truth. Is this going out live right now? Ah, yes.

It is? It is. Okay. Yeah. Why? Because I don't want to get in trouble. With, I think this is going to go into an area that I might be in trouble. With the company.

Yeah, because they never did they pay you? No, I didn't get paid either. Yeah, do you know why? Go ahead because of you. And that's why I don't want to talk about it. So, let's go in the order of, I'm gonna rip you throat out. Yeah. You're not getting your last payment because of him.

But what about that? But that's the thing I don't wanna talk about. That okay, we won't talk about it. Let's not talk about it. Yeah, yeah. But the fact is, so I go like this, here's my evolution of you. I'm gonna rip you fucking throat out.

You're not getting thousands of dollars because of you, whatever the fuck that is. And then the next time I see you, Montreal, hey, gah, gah, grr, grr, you little rattlesnake whipping out, while I'm in the middle of a deep conversation. I see it. You understand?

I see a point of view. Okay, and then you walk away with an attitude because I should understand your rattlesnake. Okay. I didn't know your anxiety instead of taking pills, you take your dick out and shake it. All right, guys, you're scared, okay? I didn't know that.

So, thousands of dollars. I did it. Trending my life through via my neck with extra skills and then I gotta see your penis next time. How long ago was that the commercial? 15 years ago? No, not 15. How about the 10?

Maybe 8. Maybe 8. Okay, long time ago. A lot of money. How much was it? 15,000. We didn't get paid. Oh, come on? 15,000. We didn't get paid. Oh, come on.

15,000. You can make that on a weekend. Okay. You can make that on a weekend. It's still 15,000. No, you can make it on a weekend. That's a Rolex. That's true.

That's, that's, that's a lot. What, what, what, what don't we do this? Okay. Let it go. Or we could give me 15,000. Not give you 15,000, right? I thought you should give me 15,000. Because I'll tell you, because the thing,

the reason why they didn't pay, right, is I didn't do whatever they thought that I did. So how can't we fight that? Why can't we get that money? Because it's 10 years ago. Who gives a fuck? I let it go. Okay, well, I let it go too.

Oh God. I mean, but you understand. Are we good though? Dude, let me, let me, can I say something? Are we good now? Can I say something? Yeah, yeah. There's people that I watch on social media that make me laugh.

Yeah, and you're one of them. Oh, really? Even during, don't be sarcastic. I'm not being sarcastic. You knew I was funny 20 years ago. No, I didn't, you weren't. Oh, when we did open Anthony all those times, you don't think I was funny?

You were funny, but you're funny, you're a podcast with the great Santino. That's what I like to call him. He's the greatest. He's not the greatest. One of the funniest people. He's a piece of human garbage, but I love him. And you gotta love people like that.

He's just love the lepers. He was one of the great guys. He's the best. Like the best. I mean, I can't even, it's weird, I desire his friendship. You wanna suck his dick? No. Yeah, you do.

I'd hold his hand and I'd take a walk with him. You want to suck the tip? No. I would never go near Redhead's penis. Really? I'd rather go to New York. Out of other Redheads, would you be the first one you would do? Out of all.

We got Bill Burr, we got Bill Burr, Louis CK, Andrew Santino. Which one would you suck? Are you Santino, yeah? Exactly. I'd be Santino. My point, 100%. What about you? What which one would you suck are you sent you exactly would be sent to my point hundred percent. What about you? What who am I gay? Wait a minute. I'm not gay at all you tricked me into being gay. I know that's fucking sad. You could have said that what after do you I'm not gay. I'm not I'm not gay, so I'm not gonna play that game. I'm I'm gonna play that game. I'm, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bobby, truly, but why would you suck his dick? I wouldn't. I'm saying you said I had to. Oh, you said there was a gun or something. Wasn't there a gun to my head?

Out of all those guys, I would probably suck Andrews. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's the cleanest. I don't think it's a clean, yeah, probably. Hey, snow bills is the cleanest. Bills is the cleanest. Yeah, yeah. Who is the other one? Louie. Louie, yeah, you don't want to mess around with the king. You don't clean bills is the clean. Yeah. Yeah. Um, who is the other one?

Louis Louis. Yeah, you don't want to mess around with the king. You don't want to suck the king. You know, you don't want that list. Yeah, unless some of his funny comes out and you get some. Yeah. Yeah. Now, um, but no, I truly, uh, when your name would come up by especially with our our is a gap again. He's not a red head. Oh fuck. He's a blog. Yeah, one of the things. Ah, he's got a big dick. Jim Gaffing. It's got to have a big dick. He's a a redhead. Oh fuck, he's a blonde. Yeah, he's got a big dick. He's got a big dick. Jim Gaffingham does. He's got to have a big dick. He's a nice guy.

I love him. He's got Nike kids. No, yeah, you are. You make me laugh. And I told Ari that. He called me up. Are you mad at Bobby? He thinks you're mad.

No, fucking absolutely not. Let's just let it go. I don't have any, not that I have all the information. What ill will should you have towards me though? Because what you're saying is that you walked up to me at Montreal. I was scared in Montreal and I didn't have any of that backstory. Oh, see what are you, that, I don't like that.

You were scared in Montreal? Yeah, because you have to fucking understand. Oh my God, it's so scary. Not the town. They put you up it's so scary. Not the town. They put you up in a fancy hotel. Not the town. There were a lot of money. Not the town.

Not the town. And they flew you first class. It's the festival. And you were scared of it. See, this is why I wanted to punch you during the commercial. What's that? So you admit it.

You admit it. You're just fucking out of here. Fuck you. Fuck you for that. You admit it. You admit it. You're a diabolical fuck face. You admit it. You just you for that. You admitted it. Right. You admitted it. You're a diabolical fuck face.

You admitted it. You just admitted that you wanted to punch me and rip my throat out. You did. Say sorry. The only one I say sorry. I'm sorry. I want to get to the bottom of what happened.

I would love it because I'd love my money. Yeah, yeah. So the bottom of it. I forgive you though. And I forgive you for all the things you did. Right, because it's like, this and man, I didn't have the backstory, and now they'll have all of it, I think I'm in the wrong. Right. Right.

Good. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs.