Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Big Jay Oakerson, Andy Fiori | Maximon

Episode Date: March 20, 2022

This week Big Jay Oakerson and Andy Fiori join Bobby Kelly to talk the power of milk and cookies, working with escorts, Bobby's Nathan Drake adventure and a run in with an ominous Mayan God! Head to https://policygenius.com/YKWD to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. ¿Suéías con un futuro más allá de los estudios de grado? Gracias a las becas de posgrado en el extranjero de la Fundación La Caixa, puedes estudiar en las mejores universidades y centros de investigación del mundo. Tu talento te mueve. Solicitate o veca en fundación lacaisa.org. Yes, the back of the white KWD podcast White KWD is back again

Old school back in the day We're all starting before them all White KWD is a podcast that's so fun and crazy And there's no rules God help you ruining this Work the bar game I'm sorry It's a comedy podcast

This is an NPR That's the talk I've done Is there any better show? This is the original Original is it NPR? That's the talk I've done. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. Yes. I am back on land. Captain Bobby, excuse me, Captain Bobby's back.

I did not, I'm so sorry, I did not do a Y key to me from the boat. I did a whole intro. It's beautiful intro with the sunsetting and the bells in my balcony. So what I'm gonna do is, it's gonna be a little different this week. And YKW, little small interviews and put them together,

none of it happened. I'm lazy, I am depressed, I got C-Sick, and I ate too much, and my bed separated and it made me feel fat. So we will have a bunch of clips this week going up on Patreon and we're gonna have a vlog, right? Nikki? Yeah, sure.

Fucking his a scenario, Calta and Kelly, YKWD vlog of all the footage, we took a lot of footage, me and the three girls, Aunt Brandon, auntie, sagging low. And Fini and and what's the canon, canon, Jesus Christ. I might call this right. Great time on the cruise, but we're back in the studio. What a day I've had. And now I'm here. Don't forget to go to wearables, comic wearables.com. Just go there. Listen, I want to thank all my supporters on Patreon. If you're watching this right now,

it's probably free on fucking YouTube. And that's all cool. But if you're supporting me, you're getting it first. Number one, you're watching it live right now. And you're also in the comments and the chat. And you get to do live right now. And you're also in the comments in the chat and you get to do that and participate. And we do the reads at the end. And you're a part of that. That's the patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly. And I want to thank all you guys for supporting me over there. It means a hell of a lot to me. I mean, that's sincerely I do. So there you go. We're comagrables.com. Use code word ladybugs and make sure if you are watching this on YouTube, subscribe, like, comment. Just that's it. Click it. Like it. Become a subscriber. And that's it. Today's show is going to be fucking epic. And I didn't mean to swear.

I hope I don't get kicked off. I don't know. I don't want to get unmonetized for saying the F word. Gosh, don't it. That's what it's coming to. Today, Nikki introduce everybody please. Sure we have Andy Fiori. Bingo. And we have Big J. Bingo. And we got Nikki on the side.

And of course Joe. Joe Gressel is here too. So what's up fellas? How you doing? I put my bullet headphones on you get serious now. What's up dude? I first of all you for this was happens with podcasts all the time I've been doing this for so long, but you might have come in and because we're comics were so used to fucking Conversating and all like he's he just started talking and we were talking about all this

shit and I do stop stop stop and then you came in and you like dude what about that and that I was like fuck save it for the pot and I'm just I hate saying that I hate it save it I mean it happens every day of bonfire too we meet up like a half hour before right and then we're sitting in there just saying stuff like guys we're we're literally to talk about it immediately. And now I have to act like this thing you're saying is funny. You guys. Like the first time it made me laugh now, we're going to be like, I know you're re-saying it for everybody. Yeah, I wish we all I wish remember the old peep shows where everybody had the little room you went into. And then there was the main room with the chicks were. I wish that was a podcast thing where you guys came into Jay's room

in Andy's room. And I was in another another room and then I was like, all right, we all come in at the same time. Yeah, like a peep show. Yeah, you know, just like a rodeo just release us at one point. And then the middle. Because he's going to keep his rodin' blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Because I'm so excited to see like we're all on the road. Everybody, we don't see each other all that often. I'm always excited. I get so much to see say it. Yeah, it is. It's like as soon as you see somebody you want to just start yapping and talking. I want to do this.

I want to make a genie bond on the podcast studio with doors to when you show up, you have to go in your little room. You're going to be a sectioned off sectioned off in your room, but comfortable section. I guarantee people will jerk off in them just like Times Square. So it'll, so when I introduce you, a thing opens up and you stick in. And then you come in. Would that be cool? I'll be vaping and playing solitaire. Yeah. Oh, hey, you can personalize your own stall.

Do whatever you want. No, will personalize it for you. Oh, I'm getting, I'm really getting ahead of myself. It's probably fucking what was Andy saying that you wanted to say for the part. Andy, I remember my thing and you're a part of this. You remember your thing. Andy actually, God, you're gonna ask me this is weird. This is weird because not many people ask this question.

Do you have you are you having a baby? No. Well, because we brought you got a puppy. You as Bobby, if he was having a baby. No, I am that big. I fun. I did rub his belly and put my ear up against the stomach when I walked it. I was walking down the cruise hallway and I'm walking and I saw two old ladies come and they stopped saw my size turned around and walked back to the

come on elevators waited for me and then walked back down. Oh, you get to the bank area. Yeah, elevator bank. Yeah, that get to the bank area. Yeah. Elevator bank. Yeah, that hurts. I'll tell you what. It feeling fat on a cruise ship, though, is like feeling fat at the gathering of the juggles.

You shouldn't. You feel great about yourself. No, you're absolutely right. There was not one to help me. I mean, some of those people are a death's door. I mean, but, you know, Mike Fenoy called it cruise nachos, and it's a great term for it But I've seen this like they go through that buffet and like, oh, there's prime rib now and then the pasta and then a hot dog And then and then on top of all of it just squirt nacho cheese

I don't know if they attack it with a fork and knife or what but it looks like so hungry But I know like dude I did that. I really well here's it. I mean obviously not exactly that they didn't they don't have that on cruises anymore Like the they have it breakfast a lunch and a dinner and they shut it down the cruises we went on you go non stop three in the morning Yeah, and go get food. Yeah, not anymore. Room of services in free anymore because of COVID. And the money they lost, I would imagine. Just like that. I don't know. But it was you had to go out, but I did that. I did like Indian pizza ice cream cereal. Like I did some weird shit on the crew in a sitting in a sitting cereal after after pizza. Yeah, they had cereal.

That's it. It's a dessert. You can. I can't. Was it in a screw thing? So it releases it? That was something. Yeah, like you have to know you have to get it from the lady of some shit. That's one of my favorite talk about a fat guy excitement. Totally. When I'm going down when I'm leaving my hotel to go to the airport to go come back home. You fill your hoodie pockets with cereal. Like a goat. Just keep it in my gloves. Just put it in the little kangaroo pouch. I'll show you. I know it's such a great feeling when you come down because I'm that I've never when I when I would do press when I go to town when I go do morning press. Yeah Sometimes I'd come back and have like the breakfast that's at the hotel. Yeah, of course, yeah but

For the most part of this point now I never ever have that breakfast when you're leaving and your cars come to get you like 630 and it's breakfast is set up You get to go crank a little Little ball of cereal while you're waiting because it's a cereal that I'll never buy right fruit loops or something like that Yeah, like a. Flakes. Yeah. Like a frosted. There's the best.

They're the best. I used to know that recently frosted flakes combo. Oh, I love a combo with cocoa pebbles. Ooh, that's a weird combo. It's a great combo. It's a weird one. They also make chocolate frosted flakes. Chocolate frosted flakes.

That's great. That's actually what you're making. Yeah. I get you. Okay. I hear it now. It makes sense to me now. Yeah.

You know, serial to me, I can't eat it because I immediately get bloated. Like a beached whale. You know, like a whale is on the beach for like a week and it just starts expanding with those bloats. Well, look at a bowl. It's just poor bowl. Serial and it's walk away from it.

Whatever kind of serial is, it's going to be like fills the bowl. Yeah, it swells up. And in my stomach, it swells up. And I hate that feeling. I hate being fat, but I hate feeling swollen right here. Yeah, like right, right there. Yeah, we all know that's the spot when you sit back and you go, what if I done? Why is this hard? It's visceral fat. It's a fat that it's hard. Yeah, it attaches like venom inside your ribcage. Yeah, the way it feels right here,

you're like, it's gotten so much here. It's marching up. Yeah, that's what it's pushing to my heart. It's coming for it. Serial is the best dude. You know what I like to get of top wear bowl in these cereal. I don't like eating out of a small bowl. Wait, wait, wait, but in a square.

No, no, that's not cereal. Like the bowl, the big chip, a way pasta in. Yeah, like pasta chips. I like that bowl and then filling it up, milk, and then getting that extra big spoon. Oh my god. Let me, do you pour, and this is not an exact sign. Are you milk first cereal, cereal, then milk? Serial. Then milk, of course. Absolutely. me, do you pour, and this is not an exact sign, are you milk first cereal, cereal then milk? Serial, then milk, of course. Absolutely. Cause how do you know how much?

I, what, who's doing that? I've seen it done before several times, but I will say that, It's like hotting. I'm a cereal first then milk, cause of course, if you put just the milk in first, what I've found is, you pour the cereal on top, it's gonna float on top of the milk.

So, you're gonna get barely to put any cereal. You're gonna have a bowl of milk with a topping of whatever, just right. I like oddly healthy cereals or the shittiest of the sugar. I agree. Give me a plain rice crispy. I love it. I think it's delicious.

Nothing in between I can do, yeah. I can do total. I love total. Do you know what I list. Nothing in between I can do, yeah, I can do total. I love total. Do you know what I just bought recently? Honeynut checks. Checks are good. Never been a checks man, but I have honey nut checks. Love it.

What are the ones that look like wheels? Honeycomb. Cheerios. Honeycomb. Dude, I'll fuck up a honeycomb. Alpha bits. It's all the same thing. It's the one of the good things about doing Buffalo comedy,

Buffalo Helium, the back door of the place is, you could smell in the air, they, it's the general mills, and they do the burn-offs every day. So they burn off all like the defective, we don't miss shape in or whatever, cereals. And the air in town just smells like lucky charms. Oh God.

I actually have a friend of mine who I buy just the lucky charms marshmallow. Can you put them in any cereal? You can just eat them by the hand. He eats them by the handphone. Oh really? But bags this big. They pulverize in your mouth.

Off Amazon, you know, they just, you got a wet them. Yeah, in your mouth, you wet them. Now he loves that. Oh, you just gather them in your mouth and let them become marshmallows. Yeah. All right. No, he loves it. Oh, you just gather him in your mouth and let him become marshmallow. Yeah. All right.

Damn, dude, when this become a science podcast, I used to eat rice crispy treats cereal. Handfuls. I would just scoop it out. What, what, what? This was like rice free treats. Rice crispy treats cereal came out probably early 90s when I was still in cereal. It's like crystal Pepsi shit. I can't believe you got that.

It's like crystal meth shit. What are you crazy? I don't know what I love cookie Chris, but if they made chips a Hoi Brand cookie Chris, but I go, this is fucking weird. I would not I don't like cookie crisps. It's just not a it's a it's a when you put it you can't get enough

in your mouth because when you put a whole big thing, it's like it's uncomfortable. It doesn't. You know what I mean? Like I like a cereal that when you put a big scoop in your mouth, it forms to the inside of your mouth. Yeah. That's a rice crispy. You doesn't, you know what I mean? Like I like a cereal that when you put a big scoop in your mouth, it forms to the inside of your mouth.

Yeah, that's a Rice Krispie. You can't do that with a fucking cookie Krispies. What's your most like shameful act of eating? I know, I know one of mine for sure that voice was trying. Upon someone's suggestion, but like putting a grip of Oreos in a bowl and pouring milk on it like it's cereal and eating it with a spoon. That's delicious. It is delicious, but you're like, we've just come on, man.

That sounds fucking beautiful. I have a bad one. It was really good. The fact is how fat you are. You know what the sleeve, you called it a grip. You know what it's technically called? Is it called a grip? Oh, no, no, no. I'm just saying like, yeah, just grab like a grip. You know what it's technically called? Is it called a grip? Oh, no, no.

I'm just saying like, yeah, just grab like, but I thought the whole sleigh was called the grip. You could trade yourself. I thought that was the Oreo factory. How many grips did you? I did. Well, he's to a palette. If I'm eating, if I'm eating Oreos by the one in a glass of milk, I'm feeling guilty

by four and you stop. That's good thing for when you could just choose glass of milk, I'm feeling guilty by four and you stop. That's good thing. Four. When you could just choose, well, I gotta fill the bowl to put milk in. It's not gonna make any sense. So you're eating like nine in a bowl. It's crazy, but mother fuck it was good.

It sounds fantastic. It was so good. Yeah. It sounds like some of your spoon can just sort of break through. Do you like a hard chocolate chip cookie or a mushy chocolate chip cookie? I like a hard that I make mushy. Yeah, I need a combo. You make mushy with milk.

Yeah. Yeah. Tates cookies are pretty great for that. Tates cookies are great. I see you put the milk in it. Yeah, sucked the milk out of it almost. I like a hard mushy cookie. Me too.

Sure. I like a hard mushy chock-a-chip cookie, where it's on the outside, it's a little hard, and then on the inside, it's a mushy. That's it. You give me a hard outer mush center. Oh, God. A little undercooked in the center. The best cookie in the world. What is the best cookie in the world?

Chuck a chip. Straight up. Yeah. Little some kind of chocolate chip. I like the Dutch cookie with the chocolate on one side and the biscuit type of thing on the other. Oh, yeah. I like those.

It seems to get dog treat. It looks like a dog treat. But when you bite into the cookie, it's sweet. And then all of a sudden, the milk chocolate takes over and it's a real milk chocolate. Yeah, from like Europe. And it's like, oh, it melts in your mouth. Black and white cookies are overrated. That's like slave food. I think anything. You know, I mean, it's like one of the simple things that people go, this is fantastic. It goes, it's the shittiest ice cream on a okay piece of cake sort of. But at the Chico's where I live, they make a mini black and white cookie that comes 10 in the box.

I'll crush out that dude. It's the best black and white cookie ever because it tastes like a ring ding. The chocolate, they use the same chocolate, they use on a ring ding. And they use vanilla frosting, and then ring ding hard, it's what hardens on the top. And it's a moist cookie, it's not dry, it's a moist cookie. Okay, I'm in.

I like black and white cookies. I just think some people are like, that's the dominant cookie. What do you throw oatmeal raisin in the batch? Not a raisin guy, personally. Wow, love it oatmeal raisin, some milk. that's the dominant cookie. What do you throw oatmeal raisin in the batch? Not a raisin guy personally. Wow. Love it oatmeal raisin, some milk. Milk's the X factor.

I will, I'll sit for an hour and a half eating Oreos with milk. Do you drink the milk after you're done with the Oreos? Yeah. Yeah. Can't do chocolate milk. Has to be white. White. Milk fence.

No. I don't want to cause any problems, but it has to be white milk. White offense. No, I don't want to cause any problems, but it has to be white milk. White. No, absolutely. I tried to talk about it. It was too much pure white, Aryan milk, pure white, Aryan 2% from a racist cow. From a from Alan Town Pennsylvania. Did you ever see those, I think the late 90s or really 2000s, there was a bunch of them, but like the real documentaries of the skinhead guys. And like the people like the real white supremacist skinhead, the HBO did a bunch of them.

And they were somebody who was like me and Kurt Metzgust left it so much. It was like, well, it's Hitler's birthday. So we celebrated by making a white cake with white frog, with only made with egg whites. And like every ingredient had the word here vanilla ice cream. And it's just people living like you know outside their house like most of their chairs are just tires on their side. Just a mess. This have a backseat of a fucking truck as a front lawn chair. I don't know something about that though. I was on the perimeter of that growing up like that kind of white trash like the member Rocky Dennis movie mask. Remember like the people that hung out,

like it's like Garb. Yeah, Garb. It felt like that kind of party's going, not so much bikers, some bikers, but just like, and my mom wasn't that, my mom was just like a Jewish chick from Philly, but her friends were like people will we end up being, I'd be like the kid at that kind of party.

Everyone was nice, it was always fine, but it was definitely like a, it was a couch outside. You know, like the like Ruth's family, you know, so that's good to fuck out of me as a kid, because I grew up in Boston and the city. And when I went to my first foster home, my second foster, my first one was in Lynn, which is inner city urban, you know, kind of tough. And they sent me to a one out way out in the country in Massachusetts. And I remember I got there and I got into this, it was almost like this fucking farmhouse on this road and you had a walk over bridge to get to this little town. And I walked over with the foster brother who was kind of like the guy from Goonies,

just as big hello, and he took me downtown to the bowling alley. And the kids were there, they all had buck knives and jeans, and they took women back to their house, and they had that shit furniture on the front lawn, and we went up to the attic that they made into the kids room

and we smoked weed and dude, I was petrified. We go out in the night into the woods and I'm like, they're gonna fucking kill me. Like this is, these guys have, now all these kids have knives. Yeah, I did boy scouts for one or two weeks. I made it to like a camping trip and I was like, I don't want this isn't like my thing.

Yeah, I don't mind that shit, but like red neck, you're super into it. Red neck scare me. Like they scare it more than like inner city. Like I'm more scared out in the woods than I would be well, it like uptown. You know me too. Yeah, because there's no to go woods is terrifying because there's no escape. Yeah, that's like, I think I may have told you before my girlfriend when I was young or so, I was like, maybe 19 to 17. So like that would, uh, and when she lived with her family still in her family, you know, she had like a curfew and everything. She would sneak out to come see me. Yeah. And what she would, she lived on a, in a double wide trailer, like through woods.

This is my move to South Jersey. This was chilly. And there was, there was this cold assac that I would go drive into and I would blink my lights. And she would somehow, and a fucking Charlotte Hornets pull over starter, just emerge from the wood and she went a good Four or five minutes walks like through Not a trail. No, no, no she went because she jumped out of her window just push back into the wood Yes, so you just kind of went through woods yet a bishettey And which is a merge innocent and come Fuck and then I drop her back off and she would just

I'm merging and come fucking then I drop her back off and she would just disappear into the woods. She's just like a witch that you were fucking. Yes. Well, my dad, Shulis, Joe told me if I go there, so come. I just believe if he parked it, but she would, I was like, I was like, I tell you, there's not a chance. If you suffer, I will come. There's not a, there's not a flip. If you suffer, I will come. There's not a flip, there's not a flip situation of that

that I can see myself doing that. I was not do that. I would, like, is that, you understand how far my powerful pussy is that you would just go to the woods, the edge of the woods and flick your lights and a chick would emerge. And that didn't freak you. That didn't bother you out. That was just like, okay.

And then you just drop her off the side. And she would just go into the woods. I mean, she's like by long, many, many years girlfriend, believe it or not, it's crazy. But she was, yeah, but when she did, I was like, I would have never done that. For anybody. Certainly for her, I wouldn't have.

No. No, no, I'm not talking about an emergency. I'm talking about, hey, you can come see me, I'm not talking about an emergency. I'm talking about hey, you can come see me like have sex even when it's that young and you're like excited to have sex on like that excited for it. I still would be like, no, man, there's like, there's not even intangible. Forget all the obvious examples go through my head like monsters and killers and whatever. The simple, you saw me, Bobby,, there's a raccoon on the table when we were camping. I couldn't have left faster.

We moved our leaving up in hour, because I was like, I can't, this things are looking at me. We had to get it, we went camping, we did the comedy camp. Yeah. I was like, we got to have the bonfire, because it's a bonfire, the things campers, this makes complete sense. And then it was like, yeah.

And then I was like, well, you have to have a tent. And they were like, Jay's not in state. I was like, what do you mean? They're like, Jay and Dan are not going to be in no tent involved. So I had to get a, like, one of the houses, the cabins. A little cab, anything. I got this big cabin so that they can stay inside. That was when mush snored and put Dan, Dan woke up with like

when in the Stimpy eyes where you see all the veins in them and shit. It's crazy. I've never seen Dan man like that. He went and slept in my car. He ended up sleeping in my car. Why? Because mush was snoring so loudly.

But it wasn't snoring snoring is not an eye snore. We talked about it earlier in the bottom for eye snore, but mush was doing something different. Like sleep apnea Like sleep like terror. He was actually snoring himself back to life That's exactly what we said when he would die out of you go like this is what I would go you go Every time he was done snoring at him, he died sleep apnea. No, dude. He's little deaths Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I Was so disturbed good I caught it on the deal. It's a soul. They started blaring dancer blaring classical Like chamber music in his headphones Mike. What he is it comes me. Damn was so angry

I'm like, that's what a fun fact about I feel bad for most because mush was he hated He was so sad because he was like he's'm sure he felt like I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. And he would try to stay up to let Dan go to sleep because if Dan could go to sleep, then he could go to sleep. You know what I mean? But I don't know because I'd be more pissed

if I was sleeping soundly and then got woken up and it wasn't be able to fall back asleep. Me and Christine were just wolfing an hour and we didn't give a shit. I felt we were a three-part harmony, man. We were like three dog night So you were asking me he asked me a question in the beginning. Oh, yeah, what Well, we said Jay got a dog and then you were saying we talked about his vagina. Oh Sorry, and that's not what I was talking about. That's weird

And we talked about it's vagina. Oh, sorry. And that's not what I was talking about. What? That's weird. Dogs busy. Tube. It's weird. On the by asked you, I don't know how you went from J.

I'll tell you. He went from he went from that to this. Well, because I, I asked you, I was like, wait, did you always want us a son? Instead of a daughter, I don't know. I think I might go from Jay's dogs pussy to, did you always want to son? Well, in my head, I didn't know you guys were talking about. Jay's dog has a pussy.

Bob, son has a penis. There we go. Jackson Dots. I didn't know what capacity you guys were talking about, the vagina in. So I was like, oh, is it maybe, is it weird having a new doll? You got to clean up after a lot. Maybe you're touching the pussy. You know, no, you never touch the drugs. You never touch the

drugs. You know, I have not a job to have to, you don't have to. I mean, this little tubes, I want to see if I get a pinky. It was like I can get a pinky in it. I was saying, I was saying that I never, I've never seen my dogs pussy. Uh-huh. I don't even know where it is. But anyways, I did when I actually wanted a girl. Oh, okay. Me and my wife really wanted a girl. We picked out the name and everything. She has the name. Gemma. Uh-huh. And uh, did you have feelings? What was the reason for that? Were you work? You have like a rough thing that were you worried about, like, passing along maybe, like, you were about your father's thing with you and with a son,

like, father's in the sun, you think you can kind of like, I was scared of being a dad. I was scared about being, yeah, I have, you know, Am I not describing that well? I'm saying. No, you're picking up your dad. Like, I worried about that. Like, when me and my ex broke up, my wife's like, you're like, shit, man, I don't want to be like, like my dad, my mom and was like,

gone. And I was like, is that just in me too? You know, like you worried about that? I wanted, I don't know, I just wanted a girl. We both wanted a girl. And I remember when we were in the room and the doctors, like, okay, you ready? And we were like, yep.

And she's like, there are just testicles. And we were both like, okay, you ready? And we were like, yep. And she's like, there are his testicles. And we were both like, yay. It's a boy. We were like, oh, that's great. It's a boy. We were both not disappointed, but disappointed. You know what I mean? And then cover it up for the nurse.

But yeah, we were just like, oh, we thought it was a girl. And then it was a boy. And then you immediately going to just let, make it be healthy. Yeah, yeah. Because we already had a miscarriage. We don't want to deal with that shit. And then when Max came out, I was so,

so I believe that when a woman gives birth, the crying is real. I think that all the stuff that guy's doing is pretend like I'm supposed oh my god this because we're so fucked up. I remember when he when he first came out. It's not genuine. You're saying it's not genuine but it's like oh my god. This is amazing. It's more like I'm in shock. So I'm not connected to it. A woman, I feel like immediately connects to that child. And for me, it slowly became real. Because it was so fucking foreign to me.

Like I couldn't believe that I am, this is real. Like there's a human in my life that I made with my dick, fucked me up. It just didn't make sense to me. Yeah. And slowly but surely, I started really emotionally. I fucking love. Yeah. You know what I mean? Nothing like it took seven years, huh? You cry. I've I've I cried later later. I think I would. I cried a little bit in there, but. I'm a cryer.

When Isabella came out, I cried immediately. I just right away noticed, she's very much like a carlet of me in the face. And I was just like, it just seems surreal. Like you said, I was like, you know, I was in shock. Like, this is our kid. Yeah, everything you just said, but it really, like I was in shock too, but definitely I started crying.

I was like involved. I think I would too. I cried a little bit, but I was disconnected to it. It was so surreal. Yeah. So our fucking head came out of a pussy. Oh, you I don't care who you are.

That's a lot. Did you? When I brought up, when I brought my father-in-law to see her in the hospital, right after a couple hours later, I went to go get him and we came back to the hospital and I was like, you know, I saw Isabelle and the thing. I was like, I was like, you know,

the nurse holds her up for, she can't hold her yet. And I was like, right there, as she goes over and holds it in her sideways and she had fucking pussy head, you know, like when it's like, it didn't push down yet. It was almost like a fucking point. And I was like, you and the it was almost like a fucking point. And I was like, you and the nurse was almost like through that full of progress. She's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, with your baby's head, like, you have to turn your baby when it naps

every like half hour. I'm a shaping because dude, I know Travis's kid on from Jim and Sam, the baby had to wear a helmet. Oh, yeah. You had to wear a head helmet to form the head because when it comes out, it's so mushy that my mother always says, you should thank me for your good bald head because my mother would turn me every half hour. So I didn't, I didn't flatten out one side of my fucking. Yeah. Isn't

that weird? Yeah. Yeah. You can have a fork. The back of your head can go flat from just lying there. Is that how we get like pinheads and shit? Yeah. Real freaks. Well, I think pinheads is a thing. That's not some buping turned when you sleep. You think you become a circus act from not being turned? I don't know. What's the pinhead? You know, the beetle juice is a pinhead. Oh, no, that's yeah, that's disease. Oh, okay. I didn't know if it was like, because maybe, you know, Zika Zika virus. Yeah. The fat, the flathead in the back is from not turning a baby. Uh-huh. Yeah. No, not every parent fucking gives a bearded lady. Is that also from not being turned every half hours? Yeah. What are freaks? Can we make love with this? Lobster hands? Yeah. The lobster boy.

Yeah. Snake lady. What do you? I don't know. What do you do when you baby comes out with fucking just a thumb in a finger? I mean, I don't know. Try not to just go. Yeah. I don't know. You've got to fight your first instincts when they hand to you to be like this. Be like, oh, it's so squishy.

Can I? Yeah. Can I get that one? Yeah. Which yeah, can I get that that Filipino one right now? Yeah. When you look at your baby and the first thing you said to think to yourself is like, at best, Which yeah, can I get that Filipino one right there? Yeah, when you look at your baby, the first thing you said to think to yourself is like, at best, people are gonna call this kid brave. That's the best we're gonna get at him.

That's gonna be, that's gonna be because he sings like an angel at some kind of a John Stuart party or something. What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Oh, baby Jesus. The one of the biggest bonds me and my daughter ever had was the John Stuart's night of a Thou too many stars. Yeah. I remember that. And at the end of it, it's just because just give the money. It's a great cause.

You don't have to keep parading them around and making them like fucking beat these awkward moments. Steve Carell was supposed to be interviewed by a girl who types and like one of those Steve and Woody McCaw things, Stephen Hawking things. Even though she types, she looks at letters real quick. I mean, I don't know both. She whatever it is It was pre-recorded because she wasn't doing it real time because when she judging her. No, not at all I'm saying when they should have her come out at all then they have her she stands up once Steven Colbert like answers And then the computer's still talking but she stands up This is live and she just stands and she does like a weird like not tantrum She's like walks in a circle like a dog telling you what's going to rain and then like sits in the inside of the middle and then they have to go to commercial. They throw to like

Olivia Munoz in the back like, Hey, everybody, we're getting money for these goofballs and like, and, uh, the goofballs for these coupons. And at the end, so they have this girl come at highly functioning. Yeah. She beautifully sings with this girl, a girl from the outsider. The one who's like the psychic, the black lady. I got to anyway, she sings with her the autistic girl or plays piano. Yeah. And sings this piano and sings this rise up and I rise up and It's in the middle of the song. Yeah, they just release a cage in the back of like 200 kids who some of them are air guitaring and and just like Stevie Wonderheading. There's no guitar in the song

They can't keep them like one of them thinks he's the one of them thinks he's conducting so like he's standing and they keep pushing him back in line He keeps getting out and like telling everyone they're doing it. It was chaos And I'm like just give them money. You don't have to keep okay Stop this is uncomfortable for everybody involved getting wrangle them on stage. They're ever mosh-biting. Are you really mad? It's a good time. I was I was because they shouldn't have put him out there con bolotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, numentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Huelades de Madrid, a Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.

¿Eres que no es todo? Y entonces, cuando algunos de ellos eran bien enough de ser able a ir, pero las cosas que no eran able a ir, y me quedaron escuerdas de todo. Es todo en YouTube. Me da 7000 views. My daughter's even like we're gonna fight ever. It's right back together. Hey kid, oh come on. Why are they scared? They were scared of me. Because there'd be nothing and then all of a sudden a hundred of them go,

rise up. And they were shocked because they were like, you know, of course, spooked them. They were spinning the circles. Can I see that? Yes, I, this is a very good description. What? What a night of too many stars rise up. The end of the ice up. Ah shit, dude.

I'm telling you, they open, they open something in the back and they just, it's like world war Z. Like a, like a, like a train cart where they kept them. Yeah, they shipped them to the next time. Someone blew the lock on that thing. And they just all come out on the, it's, it's, it's, it's like jailbreak. It was like walking dead when they broke through the wall.

Absolutely. That with that aimless. Oh, shit. It's really. You got it? I'm looking for it. Oh my god. It's just rise it. Oh my god. It's rise up.

Rise up. The kid air guitar is actually my fan. The other one trying to conduct. Oh, the one. But the one kid is like, he's not even listening. That's all he's an idiot. He's fucking John. Shit. It's great. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Donate now. Did you donate? Is this the beginning? Or is this the rise up part? First of all, in this donate to this, John Stewart in the middle of it does. Just pay who in the audience will give $5,000. It's so weird. What's a good thing? Oh, my God. I can't hear. Oh, this is good.

This is it? Yeah. Oh, this is it. You can skip ahead. Because you can get the just her or the other girl do the song. Yeah, I just want to go right there. I'm already feeling terrible. Don't. Why? I'm already feeling terrible. Don't why I'm already guilty. Why do you feel guilty? This girl's doing fantastic This is what the performance should have been this because I got a glimpses of the toothy kid in the back. Oh, buddy Fuck all up for this cast of characters. I got a glimpses

I gotta this is why this is why we all get taken down. This is why I hate the world wants our heads because we laugh. Oh boy. Don't raise kids near power. Stop fucking cousins of self talking to you self. See, I got a glimpses. Is that what they live under that bridge? Yes.

And buddy, they come calling. I don't see shit. Oh, these poor. She sings great. She's famous. She's the best and the brightest of the bunch. Who's that? That's David Bern. Oh, that's probably it's probably a tired 20 year old parent. Why are there no lights on anybody? Oh, because come on. No, really? Because the lights spook them. Yeah. Who's that? That's the girl from the him. Yeah. Who's that? That's the girl from the outsider.

She's not handicapped at all. Why I mean socially, but socially, so she economically she is, but she's awesome. She's a good actress. She was in a great. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. When do we kick it in? Oh, buddy.

That one's going to bite a beat. Here's too much. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He's a different like Hendrix. Yeah, she's sprung upside down from mother fucking genius. He's having a great time man Look at them and here they go dude. I'm telling you Kidney here release the crack and Security for that lady She was a hitter yet to me. They're not gonna get to me are they're so strong. She jumps on the piano Okay, okay I'm telling you they peel out like worn war Z Remember that when they make a wall of each other to get over the wall. You have to rub you have to rub them on you to walk You gotta get their stink here they go. Oh shit open up. Oh shit. Yeah, Jefferl is a card open

I was choreographed. Yep. This is beautiful. This is beautiful. Beautiful. Go to the end when they really start way on. This is fucking beautiful, dude. It's coming back. It's coming back around. These parents are so happy. They're her wow our daughter is yeah, I'm like Boom dude look at the guitar

Good for them did they make the money? Yeah, probably Anyway, all right that really brought me and my daughter together. Really overshadowing the handicap kid. It was the hardest I've ever seen her laugh in my life. What was my commentary? Oh, geez. We all know.

Oh, fantastic. That was crying. That's a good thing. I think it is a good thing. It's fantastic. Can you show the cold bear thing where the girl is the meltdown? What happens? What is it?

Go have a... Jay has jukebox knowledge. Cole bear thing with the girls in meltdown What happens? What is it? What is it? Go have a, Jay has jukebox knowledge. Go have a jukebox knowledge. Jay is a survive. I know. When it comes to remembering shit. I know. It's crazy.

Lyrically. I got it. Yeah, I can't remember. Kids with shit. Kids with mental handicaps. I saw shit yesterday. I kid him. I was like, that'd be good for the show.

And I can't remember what the fuck was. I have terrible minutes to minute memory. But I'm good about the thing. It's a whole deck of mentally challenged. Are you thinking about having a kid? One day. Yeah. How old are you?

42. Come on, don't. What? Don't. My dad didn't say. I mean, Bobby did. It's cool. My dad didn't start from 55.

My dad had his first child at 55. Right. And then first of how many? Two and my kids sister at 63. Your kids sister 63. Excuse me. He had her at 63. Damn. Jesus. He lived on 96. That's fucking World War II blood. Yeah. He was a world of veteran. Yeah. That's the greatest generation blood. Yeah. That's one before they ate fucking preservatives. Yeah. And TV dinners. Yeah.

They were just eating a cow that was killed a week ago and milk. Yeah. That was made a day ago. Did you have fun like World War II now? She's like truth he told. Dude. And Frank was a spoiled bitch. No, but he had like World War II language, you know, he'd call like machine, like old machine parts, he'd say as like if we all knew it, he'd be like, don't you take care of that car, the trancems are gonna run out. You're like trancems. The fuck's a trancem. I've never heard of it. Yeah, you can't call them trancems anymore. That's why you have to ask for their pronouns. You'd watch sports, you'd be like, football, you'd be like, you know, a problem with the steam.

They don't have a good flanker. You're a flanker. Like you mean running back? That's my idea for a float anchor. That's making a million dollars with that idea. He had old language, old timing language. Wow. Does he still around?

No, he died two years ago. That was a dumb 20, 20. I'm sorry. I mean, he made it long 96. He was 96 is old. I know. And he was crazy. Like active right up until probably like the last six. What do you mean? He hold your hand. He go told you that nips would never get me. Yeah. Like physically fit like guard working shit.

My grandfather did the same thing. He had a garden. He was 101. He stopped. He retired at 70 from the government. He worked at the ATF and then he went and he went and worked for my uncle hanging wallpaper at 70. Yeah. My dad worked and paint his 80s. Do you do different generation? But it's different generation. But do you that give you a little confidence that like you got you probably have a good running You if you don't fuck up to I have a good run of me if I can drop this weight the weight is the thing that's killing me because What's your father grandfather heavy my grandmother was heavy on her side shed diabetes, but she also lived till she was 92 So I don't know if you say my dad's family or the big guys and my mom's family's not well people tell me that they're like

You got good genes you know, I'm like, yeah, I don't think my dad drank like a fish though either. Every weekend. Yeah. I, that's the one thing I haven't used drugs or alcohol in 36 years. But I have OD on fucking corn syrup. Many of night high fructose corn. Yeah. Yeah. Snickers. Yeah. So I don't know. I don't, I mean, do you remember they made the commercials a few years back? They were like, high fructose corn syrup. And someone's like, oh, don't use that. I go, why you remember they made the commercials a few years back that were like high-frocious corn syrup and someone's like, Oh, don't use that. I go, why it's fine. It's what you've been eating your whole life. It's a

positive high-frocious corn syrup commercial. No, shit. I don't swear to God. When was that? I remember a couple of years ago and it was like high-frocious and people would go, how dare you? And it's like, it's fine. You can't, I mean, it's illegal in Europe. Is it really? Yeah, like certain shit like that, they don't even use. They're like's fine. You can't, I mean, it's illegal in Europe. Is it really? Yeah, like certain shit like that. They don't even use. They're like, yeah, we can't just illegal. That's fucking poison.

It's crazy. I don't, I couldn't even tell you the difference with what I don't know what high fructose is. They use the word. They look, they learn how to make, they learn to replace sugar. Sugar is very expensive. It's only grown in certain areas. Corn, we had an abundance of in this country. A lot of corn. A lot. And we're seething with fructose. Yeah. And they made sugar, they made

sugar out of corn. Oh, okay. So they replay that's good. Coke used to be with sugar. I love it. Mexican coke is just made with real sugar. American'm American coke is made with corn syrup. Oh, so it's is garbage A lot of shit everything's going to shit ritz. You can't even fucking you put shit on a more just break happen to ritz They don't make them the way they use I feel old when I say this to a club cracker guy. Yeah clubs nice. It's a guttery buttery Yeah, I can't do a club cracker. Oh get that. It's an elitist cracker I'm a regular I'm a premium. Oh, get that. It's an elitist cracker. I'm a regular premium. I'm a premium. It is the club cracker solid for all of my sort of treat or joe spreads. It holds a liver worse. Nice. It's talking about elite. A liver worse is a new lead. I'm a

problem. I'm down with the guy. I'm down with the fat. Hey, it's elite. If you call it liver worst, it's yeah. I'm down with the regular people. I'm a premium cracker. Weathe soup. I mean, I'll do a wheat then anything refrigerated wheat then wheat. What? That's my grandma. Refrigerated wheat then is fucking delicious sugar and wheat.

Then I know that. Oh, no, there's sugar in them. You said in them. Oh, you have a taste of this. This sweet. What about we do? You said, I'm about a trisket?

Oh, love it. Do a fucking trisket. I love, I used to hate them as a kid. I'll be assaulted trisket. I could take down by itself, but it's, yes, trisket's good for something on it. Trisket, you need to build on, yeah, wheat in, I'll eat plain.

Trisket, cheese, salam, oh. Yes. I love that. Absolute. I love that. Trisket, what a sociable sociable is no good. I don't. Trisco, that is sociable. Sociables. No, I don't know if I it's like chive crackers.

That's what I'm a lot of. Drive through the section. Hey, have you had a stone weathen? Yeah. The white. No. Yeah.

It's nice. Good. A cracker that I still like. I like a lot. You can eat it alone. And oftentimes you have to, because it's another one that's made of fucking balsa wood, but Bobby Kelly on the road took me on one of my first ever. Oh, we have I

Think it was trying to make sure you didn't you were trying to gain weight. Yep, again And yeah, and you were like oh, we'll go shopping because we have little frigerators and we got a salami cheese and Breton Crackers Yeah, it's a pretty good, but yeah, unless you're putting a big piece of cheese a salami cheese and Bretton crackers. Yeah, it's a pretty good. But unless you're putting a big piece of cheese in salami, if you try to spread something on a Bretton cracker, you're gonna fucking, you might as well butter your hand. It's over. You can't put anything on.

You gotta just lie gently on top. You have to be, you have to place something. And then really hope you don't pulverize the whole thing on that burst bite. That's a light to us. Gentle is the shroud of Jesus. You have to be very careful with that thing, man. Yeah.

What about a classic Graham straight up? Graham? Oh, I mean, do a Graham cracker. How do you do? It's plain with milk. Give me you give me a sleeve of Graham crackers. Rip Bobby, please. How about a grip of Graham crackers?

A whole sleeve on those Irish butter on top Irish butter. You have a butter on a gram. I know what Irish. No, but I bet that's fucking awesome. That doesn't blow Irish butter. Irish butter is like it's yellow butter. It's like real. You recall for a while.

I don't know if you even have these anymore, but they were good. They made a chocolate graham cracker that went like sugar. It'll make it anymore. Sugar like like crystal. I sugar mine. Yeah. Oh it anymore. The sugar like like crystalized sugar on. I'd get on. Oh yeah. That's the glass of milk.

Ginger snap cookie right. Yeah. That's good. That you know I was growing completely on skim milk too. Oh, I don't even get to realize I did too. I didn't even get to realize to percent. I didn't get to experience a whole milk with a cookie until I was an adult. It's a whole other now.

Are you kidding me? The thing is I drank a lot of milk when I was younger. I drank no just milk now, really. I had no milk. My mother made me and my sister drink water. We didn't have enough money to drink milk. So she made us drink water with every meal. The milk was for tea.

You could have tea. I remember making, because I wanted milk, I would have a hot cup of tea. I lit my pajamas on fire once. My onesies, because I was trying to mess tea, and I caught it on fire, and it just went, and it flashed flame just the fuzzies on my, like I literally went,

whoa! That was over. Yeah, it was over before it began. No, it was scary. It's all stripper to that with their pussy here. That's scary. What do you mean? And a comedian's bachelor party years ago, No, it was it was scary. It's all stripper do that with their pussy here And a bad a comedians bachelor party years ago actually

There was a stripper with weird I think I saw her on ship hell show eventually I think she's a girl who walks up to Wayne Brady. Oh, that's I know exactly who you mean she's like a shaved head Yeah, she's like she's short hair I'm pretty sure that was her I can picture her, but she did a thing in this bachelor party where she's like, she has short hair. I'm pretty sure that was her. I can picture her. But she did a thing in this bachelor party where she put like Vaseline. She's a real stripper. Yeah. And the comedian or actress. The comedian. She was, yeah, she played a hooker in a spell show. So yes. But she put like Vaseline on her pussy hair. And then puts like whatever I guess rubbing alcohol like on top of the top of the Vaseline and then like has a little torch flake and it like lights ignites her pussy up, but it's the Vaseline saves her pussy, but the hair you smell burning pussy hair. There.

There. I feel bad for strippers because it got to a point where I was like, it wasn't enough. You had to be like, it was like that magician thing where you had to come up with a trick that just closed the showdown. Yeah. You got to stick something in there and shoot it into some dude's pocket or. Well, if you want to get me out of my chair, that's what's going to happen for sure. I want to see the like, if I'm going to go to strip club at this point, man, it has to be like, what's the weird thing about it?

So I'd go like, I would go with friends and I've never been to this place, but the one in Atlanta, they're not lounge. What is that? What is it? They don't hire under 55, I think. Yeah, so what is it? They don't hire which strippers under 55. They're not land. Or still there. Maybe 50. So they're older strippers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's a lot of miles. So what do they do? I don't know. I heard it's pretty raunchy, but I've'd go though. I'd let that's something I would go to. I would check that out, but like to just go to a strip club anymore. I've zero interest. What was the one? Was she doing a show because it was a bachelor party? Or do you think that was a part of her? Um, routine. Because they sometimes do it up for the bachelor party.

What do you guys all spend? They'll do special stuff extra. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. I got blown at one. Yeah. Well, there's that when I used to drive the girls I did as a job long time ago Time get on that driving the bachelor parties and stuff it was so fun each girl did some girls were some girls were hookers They could all fuck them sometimes they were like just strippers and you could barely touch them Sometimes they where you could do all kinds of touching to him, but they're not fucking right. And everything in between. But like the first time I drove a girl, I thought she was so beautiful. I watched her disintegrate from drugs. It was pretty weird. I just like work with her a couple times. And then again, like a year and a half later. And like when I saw

I was like, oh, she was like the odd girl to party. Where like when I brought her to two of the guys, we're kind of like, ugh, and this girl was a knockout. But I drove her to the first. What was that, man? Yeah, probably her heroin or something. South Jersey, probably heroin. But the first time I went out with her, I was just so, you know, she was so hot, she was like talking to me because I'm driving her and she's like, you know, honey and doll and all that shit. And I'm like, I'm falling for it all. She didn't even working me. I'm just being worse because I'm letting myself. Yeah, I'm so into her and

I remember she went to that night at the party. She's this thing. She was all right guys last thing. She goes We're doing five tens and 20. And it was like five hours, five hours, she rolls the five up and she puts it like a little bit in her pussy. But her, she put her fingers in front of her pussy and puts the five, like in her pussy a little bit and you can bite it out. Yeah. So many levels of just the money alone. You just keep it.

The 10, she puts it in a little deeper and you can bite it out. And for 20, she puts it almost all of a end. You can bite it out. But here's the thing. $5, $20, whatever it is, you're never getting closer than her fingers. So you know, I'm saying her put, I'm putting these always, you're never getting a car. Grail with for $5 or one, you could put, you could fit the $5 of this much in your

math. Do you know what I mean? You're not going to get closer, but everyone did 20. And I was like, that is so industrious. And she's so beautiful and smart of business. I thought she was great. It's praising her acumen. Oh my God. I brought her flowers the next day because she bought herself flowers at night at a 7 11. And I go, who are those four? And she goes, myself. She goes, I have to run out of work.

I figure I deserve flowers. So I buy myself flowers. I go, somebody should really buy you flowers. And I shut up to our fucking have probably a creep move of all creepers. I know where she lives. I dropped her off. I think it's sweet.

And then showed up with flowers next. I go, someone needs to get you flowers for the hard work you do. I hate you right now. You should. You should. And by the way, I hope you become one of those kids. I hope we have to raise money work you do. I hate you right now. You should. You should. And by the way, I hope you become one of those kids. I hope we have to raise money for you someday. And I rise up. I rise up. And I rise up. Fucking kids went on stage tonight. Yeah. Yeah. First time. Let me just think of that. My wild

and all those kids. Those kids. Let me just think of that my wild. No, those kids. Those kids. Those kids. Those kids. Those kids. Those kids. Those kids.

Those kids. Those kids. Did he really? How do you see that? He went up. He fucking killed. Yeah. He called him up after him.

Did he joke and he bombed? He goes, oh, I'm sorry. I had to follow his comeback special. He goes, I apologize. He fucking. I apologize. I didn't want to do it after him doing his first show in a year after every show. I'm sorry that I was first one Yeah, first one. Oh, yeah, he was good. He's fucking killed it

I forget what he said. He said something very funny. Oh, he said yeah, I want he's such a deck I mean to think about this He goes I was sitting there going. I want to come back What's the smallest group of people I can get in front of? And I was like a Bob Kelly audience. And it bugged me that everybody got it. The audience is like, there you are. Yeah, we're a fucking small little group of fucking assholes.

He did great though. Good for him. Absolutely. What's this thing about you two? Let's do I got two things I want to talk about Andy and Jay I want to talk about you guys work together. Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah Work yeah, yeah, yeah, bonfire. Bonfire stories. Do you have any things? You want to talk about, like behind the scenes?

Yeah. No, nothing. We laid it all out. Nothing. I know that when I almost hang on one second, well, don't get nervous. Why are you getting nervous? When I almost got fired, that's a good one. That's a good one.

I see. He's actually, he's actually, but like, yeah, I got a story. You're like, what's what do you want? Oh, I'm not talking to you. I'm Z dude. I'm not talking to you, dude. I'm just saying that you guys know that I present that in a very sneaky way. No, yeah, you sounded like you were.

You guys, uh, you did the one you have a seat. You guys ever rob a particular store together? I don't want to give you that voice. It's something very ominous and I don't I agree with you. I. It's something very ominous. And I agree with you. I did. Can I explain to you why? Please. Because I have a list of things I wanted to talk about.

Uh-huh. And I was, I'm stupid. And I don't have my glasses. And I just read. I read something up. Untold stories. I made it sound. I'm scared.

It's not getting. I know I did. And he didn't flinch at all. He has, you, Jay has nothing that hasn't been said. I know. He has no secrets. And you do. I know. I thought you're going to be like, well, why'd you leave the show? So brother, oh, if it is not shroud of mystery and you leave the white, why did you leave the show? I they offered me, uh, I didn't really have much much choice. They offered me more money and to go, a choice. They offered me more money and to go be DePaulo's executive producer for two months, for ten. What the fuck happened? It fired. I was DePaulo. Yeah, it fired.

Why did you get fired? I didn't. He did. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can't go back. Yeah. Did you go back? I'm still I had the job the whole time. You're still at serious. Yeah, who do you work for now? I just do kind of programming stuff. I don't really work on a show now me. You and Vos. Yeah, so let's do something. It's great.

Wow, that's not happening. He just sounded like the you think I have the power. Now you could a lot. I'm not going to check. I said, that's much. It feels like you really didn't have any home for it all. You were like best friends with Jack Vaughn. What does that mean?

If you think your friendship with Jack Vaughn isn't getting you something, then I'm not your guy to go to. That's true. The head of the, the whole thing is one of my best closest friends and I don't have a radio show. Yeah, that seems very good. Yeah, I love him. Me and Jack friends and I don't have a radio show. Yeah, that seems like that. Yeah, I love Me and Jack have been friends. It's good dude. Hey, I like Jack very much. We vacation together. Really? Yeah, we fit we Kids are you kids the same age? Yeah same age We used to live next to each other on 43rd Street. I've me and Jack have been friends for a long time

You love you. I love him. He's one of my close. We went back to Comedy Central record. Went to Belgium together. Really? Yeah. He called me up and he goes, look, we rented a 10 person canal boat to tour Belgium. Would you and Don and Max like to come?

And I just said, yeah, I've been to Guatemala with him twice. Yo, he goes to weird as patients. He called me up and I'm going to go out of my lawyer in a couple weeks, you want to go and I just went, yeah. And I go and then here's the thing is the night before we were leaving, I googled Guatemala. And it said, don't go. Right. Did you go? Yeah, I called them up. I like, dude, this website saying if you don't have to go, don't go. It's saying you'll be robbed. They'll steal your underwear at the airport. He's like, yeah. But we'll be robbed. They'll steal your underwear at the airport. He's like, yeah. But we'll be all right. And I'm like, what? I got a money belt. Where's

you know, Kronmer? Kronmer something. Dude, he's so interesting. He lived in Guatemala for five years, high school years. And his dad invented Peace Corps. Some shit. Dude, his dad is the mother fucker. He's the actual of Jones. His dad, he's got a book. I forget the name of the book. Yeah, I'm up the crystal skull. He had three piece of I three plane crashes and seven assassination. Jesus. No shit. Jack Fawin's dad is no joke. Jack Fawin's dad. Holy grail. Jack. Jack called me up. Jack called me up. One time he's like, dude, I'm renting a helicopter and going into the jungles of Guatemala. There's a lost city that haven't found yet. We want to come. And I was like, no, I don't want. I would go to a roommate sidekick on that adventure.

We're looking for the elusive 75 foot dragon alligator. Dude, I'm telling you, we're looking for the Jade monkey. Dude, we're gonna be proofing some new albums I gotta put up on Raw Dog. Malayne, he guy's pretty good. Dude, he called me up. Well, we're in Guatemala. He said, just, we rented a car. I was so scared.

I had a money belt. I brought, I don't know why. I brought $400 with me, cash. Like, we're going to Cosmell. Like I'm gonna buy some hats and a wrestling mask, right? I'm gonna name. This is the third world country. There's nowhere to go.

There's no, and shit, you know, excuse me, sir. Where's there a senior frogs around here? I can't see. I can't see. I can't see. Buddy, I had to tell you. Also, that moneymail ain't doing shit. Well, here's Los Macdonalds embassy.

We drive. I guess I'm so fat. I when I take the money belt out, I still have to bring it up to my tits because I can't. So I can't. Money belts were made for thin people. I can't see the money under my stomach. So I had. I had one of the money under my stomach. So I had that thing that would check drogos heart rate when he trained.

You go hang on. Talk about someone who needs to be singing rise up. I have some money in my Fanny Titty pack. Did I add to bring it up? Had to bring it up to my tits. And I'm really going to hang on. I was like 100. You don't want to show everybody? Yeah, I don't want to show you. But these don't look so.

So he takes me down to in the city, Guatemala. He takes me to a park and Guatemala, the city itself underneath it is just ruins like over thousands of years dirt and trees and people dying and they just covered it. So in one of the parks, you can walk in. It's a park and they excavated a certain section of it and it's like a paca-lipto. It's fucking crazy. You're walking through a park. I picked up like a piece of ceramic mug from a thousand years ago. Just on the floor.

Just on the floor. Like obsidian knives that they use to cut and kill shit. You can just walk around and you'll see it on the ground and you can pick it up. Looks like that world's best cause. Look at that. A cave carving about consulating. You're confiding.

So it takes me there. and then we get in the car and then we're driving in traffic next to chicken buses the whole time and I'm panicking. He's trying to teach me uno uno dos dos. Cuato su nombre. He's trying to teach me Spanish. We're driving through He's driving these two Spanish. We're driving through. There's a lot of pollo there. See? The well, eh, bagala. We get out of the city and now we're on these jungle roads. And at one point he goes, um, he goes, okay, listen to me.

The next 15 to 20 minutes, if there's a, if there's a roadblock, we're not stopping. I just want you to trust me. Okay, I'm just going through it because the gorillas will stop at this part of the road and try to take you. The gorilla soldiers. Yes. Okay. I mean, I'm like, why? I don't know if you told me a gorilla was gonna come take me I'd say like which like like both yeah, like that's scary as hell, too You see a silverback keep driving because these gorillas don't take that would have made one sense They will take your fucking door off dude do not slow down It's the funniest thing to too. Where's Bobby? Is the trees there? I don't know. Fuck all those. You see those things moving packs. Dude, I was so fucking scared. You know, dude, it's, and you got little thin Jack Vaughn.

This guy, I can't believe it. 130 pounds wet. And he's like, I'm not, he looks at me. I'm not stopping. You got to trust me. Are Are you on foot? No, we're in a car. We're in a fucking, we're in a Miss O'Beatsy, a folder of Miss O'Beatsy with the fucking engine problems that he rented. And we, at one point, we took a left in this fucking dog, the size of a horse. Me and him still talk about it.

I don't even know what it was. Just came out of this area and went, whoo, whoo, by my window. Like, I was like, what was that? And he just said, I don't know. And he stepped in again. So you guys are going to portal in Narnia? Yeah.

Is this Avatar? All of a sudden, he takes me to this town in Tigray. So, and it's like going back in time. It's all cobblestones. It's like an old Weston movie. And it's beautiful. And there's. It's all cobblestones. It's like an all west and movie. And it's beautiful. And there's a lot of tourists and this art. And it's, you know, people stay there.

And we went to this beautiful outdoor restaurant and, you know, he's a vegetarian. So he's just rice and beans every fucking night. And I'm like, you know, I'm like, what do we get? Like Andrew Zimmerman, you know, I'm like, what's the thing here? And he's like, Bobby, by night two, he was like, it's chicken

beef rice beans. That's all you. There's no, you know, this is a fucking Philly. Like we had this up. Yeah. So I remember I was so nervous, I went upstairs to take a shit. I took my money belt off and I left, I left, I left it on the back of the toilet. Because I forgot to put it back on. Yeah. Because it was white like the toilet. And I just left. Now someone's a billionaire down there. Left.

Did you imagine leaving $400? Probably a town in the end. What's your idea? And fat bald white man. Yes. He saved your cave. There's a statue of me down there. Mr. Roberto, me, their Bobby came. And he figured everything. Mr. Bobby.

Mr. Bobby came. He left us present in the bowl and on the bowl. I want to go into it like I do every day. We save his pupils. In case he comes back, the dogs can smell him. He's like, I was like, picked you in you at some point, like you're smack and bugs of yourself.

And then you see Jack Vaughn's like, like holding a knife, like, like he's going to throw it at you and you go, Jack, what do you think throws it? And it kills a snake right next to your head. And he's like, that was the brown rec loose. And that thing is going to take you. Yeah. I like Jack wants an adventure behind this. He's crazy, dude. He's a little behind the corner office. I thought so we go to then we drive the net. We drive the rest that we leave that place.

My 400 bucks is gone. I'm crushed. And he doesn't he's like, dude, why did you bring four to all? It costs it around money. It's going to cost you. He's getting by dude, why did you bring four to all this? It costs around money. It's gonna cost you. He's gonna hold my bag. I have to spear fight this guy now, the death. Then we drive through the jungle jungle in the middle of the night in rain. Jack is scared. Cause we're on roads. Oh shit.

That's like seeing a stewardess panic. Yeah. That's fucking terrifying. Well, he goes, guy, these roads, like, off to the right is just to drop off a cliff. Why are you leaving at this time though? Because we got to get to this out of the city. We only have two days before.

Yeah, he's got other people. There's other explorers trying to find this. What do you guys want to chart it? Nick Drake, Jack Vaughn and Bobby Kelly. So we would drive it through the rain. He can't see. We're on a like, literally a mountain cliff. If he makes the wrong turn or bold or anything, like those chicken buses fly off these roads into the ditch, all people just die all the time. And I know he's right. It's like the back of my head. There's only enough room for a two

cars barely on this thing. Never mind a bus in a car. So as we're coming, these chicken buses are coming down. And it's chicken's going off the side. It's frightening just to see these buses. And you see headlights. It was, it was nuts. We get up over the mountain.

All of a sudden the rain goes away. We pull into this little town and we check into this fucking amazing hotel into this town. We walk out. You're gonna put a jewel in a skull's eye. It's all a riddle. Yeah, and he goes, welcome to the Hilton. Thank you.

Everything here is a lost gold treasure. We went, we went, we went into this beautiful hotel, and then we walked down the street at night, and it was weird because it's, you know, civilized? No, it's not at all. It's like, you know, the street vendors

and dirt street and there's dogs and there's people looking at you weird. And here's, you know, me with her, you know what I mean? I mean, I look like the tough one, but it's not. All right. If they come up, I'm going to you're going to go out of all to buy people. Yeah. And you came on a sesna.

Yeah, exactly. We look like Jurassic Park. You're always patting your braille or something. There. Ha ha. How much for that one? So how much of the one with a scour in her face? So you guys are at a human auction.

Slightly damaged. So why are we driving off this cliff in the middle of the night? It goes human auction starts at 3 a.m. The catacombs. The hotel was beautiful. You can't drink the water. When you take a shower, you got to shut your mouth. You can't you can't fuck around down there. Brush your teeth. With bottle water. You got to use the water. When you take a shower, you got to shut your mouth. You can't, you can't fuck around down there. Brush your teeth with bottle water. You got to use bottle

water. And what is it? Parasite or something? What's in it? So bad. Yeah. Meab is in shit that we're not used to. They're used to. You could slowly drink it and get sick, but then you'd be used to it and you'd be fine to drink it after a while. I'm pretty sure, right? Acclimated toward the water. You do. You can acclimate it towards the water. Absolutely. No, but that seems hellish. I guess it's just shoe. I mean, I don't know.

I don't know the way to parasites. Yeah. I think it's a mea. Is I don't know what I don't think we're. I know that it was. Don't do it. And I did it. No.

Yeah, do well. I ordered a the next day we woke up. had this beautiful breakfast and there's a lake behind us and he took me on a boat. We get on this boat. Would you drink from the lake like a deer? No. Jack, what are you doing? No, no, Bobby, no, not the one.

Bobby scampers off. I just wanted to lose. The majesty of nature though. So we get to the trial and Bobby's drinking at all. And there's a volcano there and we get to this island and he, this kid walks up to us. I can't describe it. He had a little kid body, but he had a man face.

Like he had a scar on his face. And he looked like a James Bond villain, but a little kid. And he came up and Jack was like, you take him to a maximum. And I'm like, what are you doing? He goes, he's gonna take you somewhere. I'm like, what the fuck you talking to, Bobby, I want you to go see this.

It's maximum, it's, they pray to him. It's a God. Then he's gonna take you, can you come? He's like, no, you go by yourself. You gotta do something. And I'm like, I'm not that guy, Jack. What is it? I don't want to be that guy.

You're gonna think of something, Jack, taking you to one of those hostels or you can kill people? Yeah, I'm panicking. I'm fucking panicking. You can blow towards Bobby. If you had to kill, let's say a teenage girl, anyway, what would you do? Like nail gun to the eyes or what's up? He goes, he goes like this. I have to go over here for a little while because he was going to go to a, there was an open air market. Like, you know, I got a, I got a pangolin the fuck. Bob, you do your thing. I need to go fuck a pangolin from a wet market.

We know what a pangolin is. I need to have a place. So this kid takes me up this hill into this village, into somebody's house. And I go in and there's the statue bring up maximum. Is this one Guatemala Max? No, not at all. The statue, let me know when you got it.

Can you speak English completely? The kid, no, he spoke no English. No English. Jack speaks Spanish. But you just send you off. He sends me off as a kid, no Spanish, but I know one of those today is Guadalupe. I'm not Guadalupe. Guadalupe, no, but he just sends you off. He sends me off. No kid knows Spanish, but I know, one of those today's Guadalajos, Guadalajos, Guadalajos, who nobody, you were counting the boy up. So he brings me this maximum right there.

So he's this guy with a hat. That guy brings coffee. I was like a tyrac. And you got to go into the house and you give cigarettes offering to him or alcohol. And I went into this house and it's me and this kid. And then the kid I come out and he's like, okay, and he takes me down to the like a street and he goes by and he just leaves. If we start on dressing in front of you, he's what you want with her, Bobby? I don't understand.

Your friend paid in advance for you. Who is the shit, Jack? What do you set me up with here? That was that's one of the other kids. It's petrified. It's petrified kid. It was the original kid. That's Jack.

That's Jack. Jack's grandfather bought. It looks like Joe Boo. These, he's Jack's grandfather's mommy baby. Show it, it's got to be another picture. Show it. It's not just one like I saw a bunch of them, but um, we're in the shirt of the fresh prints. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like they have like, yeah, it's kind of creepy, dude.

You I'm in this house and here is this thing that you go see. Yeah, there you go. There it is. That the one down the bottom right. Sagarettes and booze. Yeah, you give him cigarettes. Yeah, I was smoking at the time. But you're your smoker. Yeah, I was smoking at the time. So you throw cigarettes over there and alcohol. And there you go. So I'm happy. I'm like, I don't have one left. It's like, so I'm going to live in a trip. This is when it comes to life in the tails from the hood part three. I actually, I'm walking the streets trying to find Jack and then I walk through the open

air market and there's literally just a dog dying on the street, like taking it's that ass breath. And then I'm walking through, I'm towering over everybody. I'm just walking through this, they get vegetables and meats and spices and trinkets. Well, you were to put on a fucking cowboy hat. You could have been maximum. And then I just stopped at this place and I got a coffee and I'm smoking like outside. And then Jack just comes walking down the hill and I'm like, with a fuck where are you?

He's like, it was good, right? And I'm like, yeah, but I was freaking out. And he's like, oh, good. I'm glad you did it. And then we just got on the boat and went back. And then the next day, he takes me to a market and I have these markets. This market, he took me, this outdoor market and he took me into a 400 year old church

that still, people still go to. They, you know, like when you go to church and there's Jesus and all that and Mary There's black from they still use candles. There's no electricity and if you're a gringo You have to go through the back door you can't go through if you're not Guatemala. You can't go through the front People go and go broke go and pray that he would just take off and be like I'll be back And I'm like, okay, dude, and I would just sit off and be like, I'll be back. And I'm like, okay, dude. And I would just sit there and smoke a cigarette and have a cup of coffee.

Jack Vaughn seems to have an R.E. Shafir approach to life. Like, I don't know. Let's just go figure out when we get there. And I need to be much more like, what's the hotel? Are we going to be at a hotel every night? 100 times. Yeah, it's like, I couldn't. Well, he, when he went to, we went to, I wouldn't be like, we're going to be looking for a lost city. He goes, it's like, I couldn't. Well, he when he went to we went to I wouldn't be like, you're going to be looking for a lost city goes, yeah, well, I'm telling you, I got eight hours, 10 hours, I could throw that at during the day, but at the end of 10 hours, I can back at a hotel. I want to tell the costier's a concierge guess what,

any of the strip clubs right here, by the way, we've had a lost city. You want to meet a fucking go in the middle of the Guatemalan jungle. I met a helicopter pilot from Guatemala. He's like, ask him if he can, if I pay him, if he can fly us into an area, if he can still fly. I'm like, where? He goes, I found this.

I'm like, no, I'm not going now. I have a kid. He's like, my research has been all these years has been right. We are right over one great thing. You should have went to the top of the volcano and threw a vinegar and baking soda. I'm not even going to have it. We were a little fizz comes out of it. No, he's crazy. We went to Belgium. We get there. And I thought he knew how to do shit. How to, you know, the boat. So we show up in Newport. What fighting Kumite's? We're all these things. How to, you know, the boat.

So we show up in Newport fighting Cuma Tays. What are these things? Oh, well, well, we get this boat. This 10, it's a 10 person canal boat. It's real, it's low and long. And you can sleep on it. It's got like three bedrooms in it. Oh, really?

Oh, I thought it was like a, I was picturing really. No, no, it's a, it's a fucking boat. It's called love boat. And it's the boat. You get as a kitchen. That translate. It's called a boat. And it's the boat. He gets a kitchen. That's translate. That all checks it out. Story. Yeah. There's a refrigerator, all this like up a backup stairs. And so we get there. And he goes, we have to go learn how to drive the boat. And I'm like, what? We had to take a course on driving the boat. He didn't, he's never

driven the boat. I've never driven, we learn there's a guy with like two teeth teaching us how to drive a fucking canal boat. 45 minute course that we just sat there and said, yeah, yeah. And then he threw the keys. He goes, we'll see you in seven days. And then we're on the river on the, on the canal. I mean, and Jack's just nervously, and there's a big canal boat coming down. We have to call the locks and have them like open the lock, fill it up. You have to tie off bridges. You have to call bridges. There was, I believe, seven bridges and five locks, or three locks we had to go through to get to the first city of Bruce. A bridge is open for you. You have to call ahead and the guy has to come out and like crank open bridge. You're awake on a bridge crossing. Dude, you have to be awake the whole time because like boats are coming within three inches of you like going up and down. What's the point

of the bedrooms? Well, you got to take shit. Well, no, when you, so we may be nerve wrecking. I was asleep. I was driving night. I'm gonna be in a Guatemalan jungle. Yeah, we're not really. So what happens is we go to Bruce, right? And as we're pulling heat like we switch,

he goes, you drive for a while. So I'm driving, you're going up the canal. It's fine. You're going to pull into one of the areas where you go into the city. It's a great. And you have to do, uh, you have to do a three point turn in this huge boat. And then you have to just slow the...

That's impossible. You just wheeled it. I like this one. Yeah, that's the... To the circuit catered. There's a homeless guy on the canal doing this. You got more room. Got about bring her back.

You have to call in and rent that little mooring on the canal. Oh, your space. So you kind of swung, so he's like, you can do it. I'm like, Jack, I can't, I've never, I have a hard time doing this. I want a boat. And I had to like slowly spin turn and then glide into the thing and then the guy will tie you off and then you sleep there. So you sleep on the boat.

But if you step off the boat, you're in Santa's village. I mean, it's bruge. It's, yeah, yeah. You ever see the movie in bruge? It's one of the most epic places I've ever been in my life. It's, it's, it's a fairy tale place. It's like, you know, what you see in movies, yeah, looks like cobblestone streets and there's castles and there's artwork and it's, I mean, it's, it's, it's one of the fucking, yeah, it's some festival at a park with a punk German fusion

bands playing and people, women just walking around topless and kids playing and Max was just playing on the thing with these other kids and there was food everywhere and coffee and it was age one it's the beginning of an age 24 horror movie. Everything's great. So you find out Max is the one they've wanted the entire time. He's the second coming of Ja'Bubu. This is what's talking about, dad. I'm not going to be able to look at Max without going Ja'Bubu. I'm going to be up Ja'Bubu. Every time I see my kid now, but I'm going to think of his name.

I'm going to see his profile. You know, call Max a moan every Sunday. I'm just a field. All right, listen, man, we got to we're going to move on to the other thing before you take off. You get going to leave soon, right? Come in. Come in. 10.

All right, everybody. Listen, me and Jay and Ari Shafir are doing a show. Oh, mini tour. Mini tour. What's your Ari? I love it. I'm he was like, dude, we should go to him. He's like with him.

Like a big Jay. Yeah. And it was a great. Let's do it. Who gives a fuck? It'll be fun. It's going to be a great. Let's do it. Who gives a fuck it'll be fun. It's gonna be a blast. It's gonna be a blast with you. It's gonna be a blast with you. It's gonna be a blast. It's gonna be a blast. It's gonna be a blast. It's gonna be a blast. It's gonna be a blast. It's gonna be a blast. It's gonna be a blast. It's gonna be a blast. It's gonna be a blast. It's gonna be a blast.

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Yeah. Friday, we're going to be a GLC live at 20 Monroe. That's Grand Rapids. Grand Rapids come out. And then on Saturday, the Fillmore in Detroit, it's gonna be a fun one, man. I haven't been to Detroit in so many years, so much so I do. Yeah, Fillmore in Detroit.

So make sure you buy your tickets now. These tickets are selling and you're gonna wanna see the show. I don't know who's going up, when, what's happening. I hope at some point we all go up together. Oh yeah. And fucking hang out. And the show just go out and fucking hang out. But it's one dick, two balls tour. Postures are going to be out this week. And we might have a poster of some type of merch there. It's, you know, for you guys. So, I'll make sure you check it out. Of course, the bonfire with Jay. Andy, you have a new. I'm shooting a special Friday Friday March 18th this Friday.

Where is it at two shows New York comedy club 4th 3 8 and 10 30. All right. This is live right now. So all you people watching live. Do me a favor spread the word. If you're in town, come see him. Come support the live special New York comedy club. It's a it's a great venue. Thank you. And in this year, is it sure what's how many second album first special first special work?

First special. Are you nervous? No. Not really. It hasn't really hit me yet though. I think Friday, day, day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. That's great too.

Feel good about it. I'm going to show you two shows. Yeah, two shows. Two shows. That's a way to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's awesome. To wear though. I'm still. That's like the little things. I'm like, ah, I got to get my beard trimmed. Yeah, you know, like, get it. You want to go on me and Dan for Titan beard day? When, I'm gonna tomorrow. Tomorrow is when I was gonna do it. Oh, yeah, you have to do it tomorrow. Yeah, half. That's right.

No, not tomorrow. It's his best show. But I'm all day tomorrow. Cause I usually get a, I like the barbershop beard trim. Yeah, one of my, I mean, you and Dan do a little beer trim day. Oh, just, you know, the shoe you wear, the sneaker, what matters, I think really? Yeah, I think you'll see your shoe a couple of times.

It'll pop and just wear, uh, we're a fucking night shirt. I think I'm, uh, I think I'm wearing a hoodie. We're hoodie. Yeah. Yeah, dude, it's you. We'll be you. That's what I'm gonna. Yeah. I wore a gene jacket the first time I special I did. You know, I dressed up once. I felt uncomfortable

on something I did for JFL and it sucked the life out of me. Right. Right. Right. You gotta be comfortable. That's what I do what you do. I was telling Greg's wife just stones wife. She was like, where hoodie? That's what we think of when he's in the Andy. I was like, yeah, where hoodie? So make sure you check that out. Thank you. I'm taping my special May 7th in Tampa at coastal creatives. Those guys down there, we went down there last Monday. They, they are fantastic. I got my dates up there, but coastal creatives May 7th.

I'm very excited about it. It's what doing two shows in one night. So make sure you get tickets. They're going to go fast as soon as they're available. I'll let you know this week. Hopefully we'll have tickets up. We're going to we're going to let some out first from, you know, pre sale to get all you people who are flying in from New York,

a boss and wherever you'll get those tickets first. So you can sit up front and then everybody else after that. So I can't wait to shoot the special way. Do you see the fucking place we're doing that's gonna be crazy. And then of course my Robacola live.com, go to my table, you got the the Fort Wayne up there with Jay. We got the Monroe live and the film or Mercurities all that shit. So go to robbercatalive.com for all my tickets. Stick around. It's not over yet. This episode of YKWD is continuing now Exclusively on patreon.com slash robber Kelly See you there. I'm gonna do this ad read real quick to you guys. I want to thank you, my new small business tier sponsor,

a Gunter log group. You have a lawyer? I do not. Well, if you learned everything over the past two years, it's to be prepared, not just in the terms of food, water, toilet paper and some butt cream. Yeah, you like butt cream? I, no, I just see a baby white.

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Dude, this is a fun one. Hell yeah, man. You wanna be back. I'm glad you're on, I'm glad Jay came on. Absolutely. I have to pee like a motherfucker. Usually if I have to pee this bad and I wait, we have to do these names real quick. I can't read them because I'm not having my glasses and I will. Oh, there you go.

Thanks for making a big Zach. Guido. Zachy Michelle Gonzalez. Michael. Like I said, I can't read. Let me get my glasses. You read them. Toad smuggots. Toads underscore muggots. Don't make me beat. Don't make me beat. Don't make me beat. Toad smuggots. Why does that make me fucking laugh? Ashley Malone.

Malone. I love girls. Austin Hill. I got laid in Austin and Caitlin guy. Tanakis guy. Galath and that is like it Greeks. Uh, listen, I want to thank you for joining my Patreon at patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly and supporting all the shit that I do.

Uh, it's the best that you're doing that. I love it. You guys, I got a new show coming out, uh, uh, very soon that we're going to be announcing. I'm just working out the details and it's going to be for Patreon. And I also got a show, you know, how are you going to do that cigar show? That's going to be out. But I want to thank all your Patreon people, all your YouTube supporters, you guys are the

best. This is only on Patreon right now. So if you're watching this, you're a Patreon member. I love you. Make sure you support our sponsors and make sure you go see this young man this Friday night. If you're in town, if you're not in town, just go to this thing and retweet his stuff. Tell your thousand people, a hundred people or whatever, how many people

have fallen you about his thing, okay? And you know, and our one dick and two balls tour, spread the word, use your power to help him fill that room Friday night. You're the best so a special will fucking rock There's nothing worse than an empty room That would fucking right, but it's not he's gonna sell out you probably you know as a few tickets left So get the fuck they're moving They are moving and I want to thank Joe. I want to thank Nicole. I want to thank the mush wherever he is And what else do I gonna do? What else, Nicole? You're good.

Am I good? Yeah, you're great. Thank you. Did you like the show, Nicole? Yeah, this was awesome. And you crushed the ad read as well. I like positivity, man. I'm getting into positivity.

Nice. Yeah, baby. You guys are the best fans in the world. I hope you enjoyed the show. We'll see you next week. On you now, what the... enjoyed the show. We'll see you next week. On you know what? Dad. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening.

Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. you