Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Black Jokes Matter

Episode Date: July 6, 2015

Robert is joined by Joe List, Sean Donnelly, Damien Lemon, Jason Chatfield, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 rados. ¿Estás listo a Robert Kelly? ¿Qué es, ¿qué es, dude? En la network riotcast.com.

¡Vuelco a la fiesta de la fiesta de la plana! Es una cospada. ¡Adiós! ¡Adiós! ¡No es un ruso! ¿Qué es mi gas? to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a clash-define. It's podcast, no rules. I'm gonna go to the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic? No! What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head.

I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, he happens sometimes, it's hilarious sometimes, it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Side to the coin. That's how it all holds the stars you mother fucker. Do you want to do anything? My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life. You never know.

Do I look at least you know what to podcast on whitecast.com? Yeah. Yeah. It's slow and beautiful fade of fucking Deepu. Deepu takes sand as water and makes a castle. Was that a Middle Eastern reference? This is a glass making reference. Hey! How are we doing it fellas? Good! Alright, keep it down. I've never been better. Wow! Oh, the guy was dead on the train on the way here. I'm too hot. Yeah, I'm reverberating dead Jesus a guy died on the train

I was on the e-trained you saw him dead You saw the guy I saw the guy. I don't know. He's dead the dead part. I made my own assessment, but Would you just turn me off? No, I got you. Let me just do what I do. Okay, I'm turning my can back up Yeah, turn you can't go here. You're a real radio pro. Yeah, well, there's's a guy there's a dead guy on the e-train Wow big big African American man laying out dead. They can't be the whole trade. How do you know he's dead? I don't know he's dead. I just said that I'm I'm throwing I want to try to spice up the listeners here He's trying to get the ratings up not the listeners the podcast Yeah, was his shit white is that why he was dead is that he was laying down on the ground? Hey DL

Why is that why he was dead is that he was laying down on the ground? Hey DL Oh It's the E-Train he was that enough There was a dead dead dead guy in the E-Train Damien lemon in the house now this is a good crew., sorry. This is who's booking now. This is good This is a real shit bookings for a while You'll only want to get Your mouth fits on the mic you got to turn it down you tell me to eat the mic. I'm on the mic I told him to eat the mic you tell everyone to eat the mic for six years now. Well, I don't want you to eat the mic

I can't it's literally will not fit my mouth is too small Sean don't want you to eat the mic. I can't, it literally will not fit my mouth. It's too small. Sean actually is gonna try to eat the mic. It smells like cookies. Oh, that's me. That's my beard. That smells like cookies. There it is. Hey, did you, did you a beard smell like food?

Like sometimes there? Of course. Now here's my real question. If I eat pizza, it smells like pizza. How about the day? Okay, how about pussy? Yeah, yeah. But you know, I, I'm the kind of,

I shower right after a, so, there's gotta be a, there's gotta, there's gotta be a time when you ate pussy and you couldn't shower right after. Do you have to go wash your beard or do you have to just let it sit for a, like a day?

Are you gonna marinate for a while? Yeah. It smells. It smells, yeah. Does it, now would pussy change the color of your beard? Like cigarettes. Yeah, it comes purple. Yeah, it's like an indicator. Yeah. It's like when you, when you piss in a pool It smells yeah, does it now would pussy change the color of your beard? Purple yeah, it's like an indicator. Yeah, it's like when you when you piss in a pool and you have that that coloring stuff that comes up I think that's up some good right? Okay, cool hang on. We're just oh the bottom right away. I like it I like it, but isn't that that's a myth right? That's not fun. It was

That's a myth. It was in the movie Wait, yeah, that's like saying that's a saying like the dragons when they fly over what doesn't exist It was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it Hang on, I don't know. We didn't switch it, I'm sorry. Well, you're talking about something that we talked about off air and you're bringing it on it like everybody heard it. No, we were just talking about it. I was on air. It's the first thing we say. I'm losing my mind.

But I mean, I will say. Wait a minute, are you sure? You opened up this. Yeah, we were just talking about it. Yeah, sorry. And all that Damien, Damien. He had the good one. I blame Damien.

All right. See, he's dying thought maybe there's an African American epidemic happening Follow the ground man. I don't like this guy was Damien's like half in shape My torso has no point of view I just noticed that about you I've always thought you were in shape, but upstairs is kind of not done. You get a kid down on my arms. Hell yeah. Anyways, the guy was laid out, no movement.

He's going back to the story. I got a dead guy, you guys aren't top in it. We went to this pussy beer thing, that was fun for a second, then we went to pool pissing, but I still have the trump card. That was good, that was good. It was good, but it doesn't have that much legs. Don't blame the body, I mean. You know what I mean?

I thought I was gonna say, I thought I was gonna say, I thought I was gonna say, that was fun. So, so, first let me introduce you. You know how I roll this. My name is Humpty, pronounced with an umpte. Joe, you have the same nose.

Joe less, I feel it I think you're being very insensitive up front here. You made a heavy joke with him You made a late joke with him this this guy's just getting off scot free and From England no, he's from Australia. I thought I'll take England though. That's way better. Oh, yeah me too makes me not a convict Dude Joe list the the truth. Yeah His back who everybody was so excited last week that you were on yeah, I had that honorable discharge That was a great. That was big. That was a big So it was a hollow famer. Sorry, so you're on the train today

You see this dead guy and what did you do initially when you found out it was a dead guy? I said fuck I'm gonna be late and I want my seat at the you know what dude podcast That's I mean what I want to comics have bits about it But that's where we're at now. That's literally a dead guy and I think that's Nate's old you are not a hero No, no hero We don't and no one's a learn people That's dead guy on the train. No, they've they hit the brakes and then the cops came and the cops just stood up because they have no medical Background of it so they're just standing there. So it's literally like his dead guy and there's just two cops like I can't get blamed for it I like me said blame for this videos of cops choking a guy

I'm too deaf. No. You see, is he passed out? Was it blood? Was it blood? He's just laying there and like his wife is like, ah! It's like screaming. It's like, oh, his wife is like,

what a woman. I mean, I, maybe it's not as wide. I say something, you saw, you, you basically were on the train when somebody died. Yeah. He was alive on the train next to a woman that loved him. Yeah. He's dead and you saw a-

And I still made it, baby. I allegedly did. I still be it, baby. Allegedly dead. I still be dating him here. And he's, he's, he's describing it. Like he saw the showtime kids on the fucking tree. That's a really crazy story. And he's describing it like with a whole lot of the answer for James.

That boba dead guy in his screaming wife. Dude, somebody that doesn't affect you at all. I mean, he's a comedian. His lives matter, black lives matter, but I gotta get to my gig I mean, it's a comedian though. His lives matter, black lives matter, but I gotta get to my gig. Oh, he's a black guy. He was a black guy. Oh, see, look at the lack of concern.

Oh, black lives matter. Black lives matter. He wasn't dead. He was, I, something was, I listen on his way there though. Hang on, hang on. First of all, you got to, you got to not, you're the only person I'm ever gonna say,

don't eat the mic so much. Wait, you can tell me to eat the mic for six years. Right here, stay right there. You, when you talk, yeah, you can't lean back. This isn't fucking, I'm not Joe Rogan still, we're gonna have nice microphones. This is sure 58, so you gotta put it in your mouth. Suck on it.

I'm all eating. Like right there, that's good. All right, you've never told me to adjust ever. No, because I want you to sound good. I don't want you to, you're a little hot and I can't I bring it down a good-looking yourself I don't every time I turn you down you get mad because you you have really Suffolk him and then I have to turn you back up and you're too hot So that's perfect right there. Whatever you do your mouth that little multi

It's good and you're mouth to best lips and the That little multi was good and your mouth to best lips and the Start to come and Bob's lips he licks them. So I got left you lips can't get fat That lip oh you threatening me But he was I don't think he was dead he was like but he's on his way because nobody was that cops came what color was he? What do you mean like was he? I feel like you sent me up I mean was he like gray I couldn't see his face gray lives matter because it was a people Those people there I couldn't see his face, but there was no movement. He was laying

So it was a bunch of people there was like a few people like the whole train card kind of spread around him Wow except for you moving on a stop on to the stop at the sport. It's stopped at 42nd, so I don't know when the incident happened. So the train stopped and then like, of course everyone's like, what the fuck? Fuck, fuck, everybody. Yeah. And then everyone starts like piling down there to get a look at the drama. Right.

But the two cops were so casual like, one head is like foot on the guys, Jess. They were just kind of like looking at the watch. That's bullshit. They didn't have to foot off. But they were like, waiting. They were just like of like looking at the watch way they didn't have to put up but they were like waiting they would just like the captain Morgan pirates he had the he had the new Nike pulse but I'm with them because I don't know what you do you don't have any medical I know CPR second of all I what do you know he knows

emergency stuff you look at it is how be urgent? He knows emergency stuff. It'll be an accident as high as. You know, you really do mouth to mouth with a stranger. How close to death does that have to be? Good great lips for it. Somebody, first of all, thanks. I am. I don't have a problem.

If someone was dying, I have no problem giving them mouth to mouth. And now, you don't really have to, you know, you put your, you can put your, there's a certain way you can do it. Don't they say that mouth to mouth isn't the thing anymore, it's just the compressions that you can put in. The compression is the thing, you know. You don't really have to, but I know how to save lives.

It's the point. I see. I know how to save. If anybody in this room, something happened to you, I know how to save your life. I've taken courses. I've got the honorable mentions. I have the badges.

I have the degrees. I'm pretty close to being a doctor at this point. Like anything but surgery, I can do right. What about penis growth? Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. Anything but surgery, you can do now. Anything but surgery, I can do that. By taking a CPR class. Well, I was more than that. It was more than that. It not gonna do that. Anything but surgery, you can do now. Anything but surgery I can do. Wow. By taking a CPR class.

Well, I was more than that. It was more than that. It was more than that. I'm not a safe dog. You know what, I say the life the other night. Oh, which do not go on stage. Oh, it is. He would never kill.

We need a bell. Didn't that deserve a bell? That's as bad as the rattlesnake. Let's see how this bullshit story. No, I was driving home a Sunday after spots, which I did well. Right. Before the record? Well, two out of three, we're good.

And then, yeah, it was right in front of me. Two fucking cars. One guy cut a car on. Can you do it without the swearing, please? Yes, just a couple. Oh, dude. He spun out of control. It was a CRV of me, two fucking cars. One guy cut a car off. You do it, and he's just- You do it without the swearing, please? Yes, yes, sir. He spun out of control. It was a CRV. Oh, wow. Fliped over, went into the divider,

and the car that he cut off had to go to the right, and went broom right into the fucking divider, right in front of me. Whoa! And then I gave one of the girls my water. Oh! He's a good producer. That's a real life. And that's how I saved her life, yeah. You went on a trade, you wanted to coffee? Yeah, let's. He's a good producer. That's a real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real I think I'm trying to think if I've ever been in a situation where I had to save somebody's life. I don't I don't think I've ever been in one

I have never had I mean where somebody's fucking dying and I remember I've been in a situation where I saw a woman Get him beaten up and I stepped in it was the wrong move They both turned on me And I stepped in it was the wrong move Because then they both turned on me The woman in the guy back in my car, but I would turn down you I went on yeah, we were in a caldo or parking lot For Ames But question from Rickles remember

So this guy was just beating the fuck out of the shit. I mean he was fuck. Really? The silhouette in the car, the head just was going, does Jesus? And I got out of the car with a bat. You're riding behind Chris Brown. And Jesus. Hang on. Hang on. Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Do you want to be a robber? Yeah. So I got out of the, I go, hey, get the fuck out of the car. You piece of shit. Wow. And she goes mind your fucking business Oh my god, and I went I'm trying to help she goes fuck you and is get fuck you and they turned whoa So now I was gonna get my ass kicked by a couple. Oh my god

Which I think would be the worst ass kicking story ever just to get the shit kicked I do a couple that hate you and you're like not in the lips not in the lip Did you go? Okay, just on my special robber Kelly live I backed up slowly and I was like fuck you you Conte what's fucking what you say and I was like I got to get He was a he was a pretty big guy. I mean I had a bat. So he'd be small quick Have you ever had road rage like real right today I have to talk about it to fucking skinny campers cut me off.

We're gonna ask holes were to fucking camping douchebags with tents and backpacks in this stupid Subaru hatchback cut me off and I followed them. They were going where I was going. They were going exactly but I made it like I was following them. I just like he just happened to go where I was going. And he made it like I was following them. I just, like, he just happened to go where I was going. And he pulled up. And he pulled up.

Literally, he pulled up in front of my therapist, and I sat in my car, and I just stared at him. Like I was waiting for him. I'm a fucking lunatic. And what they do. They didn't do anything because they don't they have good parents. And they were raised, right?

And they didn't look. They wanted to give a fuck about that. I have good parents. I have a road rage. Yeah, me too. I followed a guy last week. You have a real? Really? Oh yeah. How far you followed them? Yeah, to where? At least a mile. Where we're going the same way. Why would you do it in the car? It's a convenient car. It's a convenient car. And then but no, I went up and fucking yo, he was fucking told my car. I had a,'re going on the LAE in New York car. No, good. Yeah, it's I've emerged He has a yield and I don't have anything so I was going and he blew the fucking yield

Buck so I swirved out of the way real quick the story sounds like an LA I love the scope. Oh, it doesn't want to put the airphones on completely because you'll mess up his hair We have to get you hear buds for the show. We do yeah mess up his hair. Yeah, that's great hair. We have to hit you here, buds for the show. We do, yeah. Yeah, I have a complete road. But do you have a car?

Yeah, I got a car. Do you get, do you get flip out or you chill? I bug out, I don't really go too crazy though. I don't do too much. You're a very laid back guy. I don't see you snapping, man. Oh, wow, wow, I'll just shit on the car. You know, it depends on what kind of car it is.

If it's a key, I'm gonna shit on the fuck out of here. Look at this key, you know what I mean? Like, it's certain rights certain cars have. So I look at it like that. But then I everywhere was stopped. Did you say certain cars have certain rights? Absolutely. So have a key to cut you off. Oh, I got it. That's okay. That's a black guy. I don't mind saying. I got to be honest. I'll cut you off. I'm badly cut. I couldn't understand the entitlement. It's a Bentley. It's one fucking paid a lot of money a smart car cut me off it's a problem That is a that is a rap video mindset that I'm right I'm like I wait a minute right here

We go 19 a 2004 Mercedes cut you off Oh Nearing meant are we doing it? Yeah, detail if it's near man, they look like they take care of it and I can understand it. And if it's a little bash, then it's an oh yeah, man. This is offensive. So the more money you have, the more rights you have.

Yeah, come on. You're a black Republican. This is a American joke. You got a fucking black Republican. He's a Republican. I'm really close to carrying around eggs in my car and just chuck it. I always want to chuck eggs at the cart.

You have a fucking want of eating them Now but you have a cut the wrong person often and they pull up on you at the light and then all of that shit You were talking you bitched up. Oh This is what I do I start singing a song I don't fuck with car anybody I don't I'm scared everyone can beat me up I Punch the ceiling on my car. That's what yeah, I'd rather just yell Roof Roof

It's a ceiling that's a ceiling the roof is the top the ceiling is the end of me Oh, it's a ceiling. No, it's a ceiling. The roof is the top. The ceiling is the end of the heat. All right. There we go, slow. That's why I was asking. Right.

I guess, I guess, you know, it's a fucking dead hole now. But it's part of the structure that is the roof of the car. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. No, you would you say? I said, it's a fucking hole in the roof now. No, it's a hole in the roof right now. Sorry.

I don't want to step on bombs, guys. I don't know to step on bombs guys Think they're landmines a good step on But it was a pretty good one. I would go for the same kind of joke So Joe every bomb you've ever got was a good one to you. That's right. That's the fucking I should get a little leeway after that L.I.E. joke. That was pretty spectacular. That was really clever. I was thinking that.

That gives you, like, you have, you don't get any fangs. You don't say anything. It's not roll over minutes. Yes. You're not a shit I've eaten in here. I don't get no shit, Fato. I'm sorry. That was mean.

I shouldn't have said Fato at the end. Did he hurt your feelings? No, I'm okay. I'm good. Me and him are the same. Let me tell you something. There's nothing better when he's hosting and he brings me on in our belly's touch As we cross You shuffle Yeah, you're walking. It's literally like on Santa Claus relieving out of Santa Claus in a box Santa Claus relieving out of Santa Claus in a box. Funny.

That's funny. It's self-faceted. You're past that energy off like, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do minutes away from my house and I don't know if this means anything to you guys but Frank Pepe's pizza to me is the best pizza. It's great. All round. Okay. I want to get a new haven. It's been there for a hundred years.

Jesus. Is it better than modern because is that the other one? Because it's too right? The salad is a pepies. It's good. It's not the best. It is. It's good.

First of all, fucking this. It's a talent guy. It's only good. One's better. I gotta be honest, I think it might be the best pizza I've ever had. It's the best pizza. It's really good. It's really, really good.

It's only a Connecticut and it's at the place you'll with the others, right? Well, no, it's the same owners, they have, they opened up a new place near me. Same oven, same way they cook it. And it's almost identical. Other ovens are 100 years old, so it's gonna be a little bit. But I got a large pie sausage onions half half cheese

I got in my car drove there picked it up and was home and fucking 20 minutes This is the end and what this is the end the beginning of the end for all the cows So I fucking go home and this the way they cut it. You want cut it or not cut it So they cut it, but they fucking zigzag it. So you get all different size slices. So a little like a little triangle or a fucking rectangle. Well, you know, it's a little, you know, it's amazing. I go home and the next day I wake up, listen, in the middle of the night, I threw up just a tad in my mouth. I don't know if you've ever thrown up a little bit in your mouth. Sure.

It doesn't go away. It takes hours to go away. It's in your fucking science. It's in down the back. You can gargle. It's still there. It's atrocious. I'm done.

I'm fucking done. It's not happening. A good yesterday all day. A great today wake up. I fucking, you know, I have some coffee. I'm coming in town. I'm doing my lunch with Lenny, and I go, I go to Omelette with some meat,

whatever the fuck it is, strumming. You're at that Jewish daily. Right, Jewish daily, right? And then it comes with a fucking pancake, a potato pancake. Throw it. Fucking Lenny goes, ah, you gotta have a bite. Because it's something like Jewish tradition.

That's what my brain said. I'm gonna offend the people. Ah, that's a skinny guy in the town. Just don't know that. It's in the Talbot. That you get to have the Torah. The Torah. What's the Talbot?

Talbot's a hockey player. That's actually it. No, Talbot's a big women. That's not the Talbot. That's not the Talbot. That's not the Talbot. That's not the Talbot. That's not the Talbot.

That's not the Talbot. That's not the Talbot. That's not the Talbot. That's not the Talbot. That's not the Talbot. I don't know how to do that. Hang on one second, it is a store for business women. A Talbot, you fucking hit it. I said big women actually, but man. Yeah, the George Bible study Talbot. Yeah, you're a fending Talbot. The cashier at Talbot, you're a fending host. So I eat most of it. It just goes down.

I didn't have a bite, of course. It came with apple sauce. Of course. So I found out it's the best. That's healthy. Yeah, that's healthy, but it's just apples. Oh, Of course! So I fucking chow it. That's the best. That's healthy. Yeah, that's healthy, but it's just apples. It's just apples.

Oh, is it? So I try to make it better, Veebop. So I come down here, this fucking chooch, who I love. He's got a, he opens up a box, like a briefcase of cookies. Who's this, you? This, what do you think? Where is this? Where's your book?

Where's your book? Where's your book? There was like a mini pizza box. He literally does this, like he's selling cookies on the street. I'm gonna break it. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle.

It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle.

It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was like a mini pizza bottle. It was god. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. Yeah, we got a Confederate flag. Oh, where are the team is to the racist jokes? But you're late.

Well, I'm gonna have a phone. That's actually the most truthful one, dude. So I, yeah, I eat a cookie and I eat another cookie and he's not stopping me of course. He wants me to go before I go. It's true. It's a fevele on your shoulder. It's a nightmare. It's a fucking nightmare. I didn't know. Of shoulder. It's a nightmare. It's a fucking nightmare.

But I didn't know. Of course it's good. I've had a million cookies. They're all good. And it's only been cooking at Sticks and Biscotties. How he does if I have tea? Gino Bisconte? He sticks to him.

Bob, Bob, Bob. What happened to you? We good cookies. And Sam, you're a good grocery agent. I think right. Sam, I'm gonna go this way with the brand. It's less, yeah feel the, to fucking weed smokers because they're open

to like four in the morning. Yeah, all the bike passengers are fucking potted. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fucking crazy. Bobby asked me when I had for dinner last night. Insomni. Yeah, yeah, let me do this. Hey Joe, what you have for dinner last night?

One full box of Oreos. There you go. That was my dinner. Wait a minute, which one is this? The bag or the box? The, the two sleeves? The bag. The three, three rows, you're peeled on the top now.

Wow. Wow. You had three rows of fucking orients. Full thing or that was my dinner. That's all right. Mill, did you have to drink with it? Milk. Milk.

Yeah. How much? I got coffee mug full of milk. Did you want coffee mug? Yeah, because I eat all the oryos and then I drink the milk. You don't dip? I don't dip. Dip.

What am I an asshole? I don't dip. No, you don't dip I don't dip dip what am I an asshole No, you know dip The dips your dunks Right I don't dip hang on hang on cooking my mouth is plain eater I want to know something why are you giving him a shit about dipping? What the fuck is the dip I mean that's his nickname in high school Why why But why would you like to dip?

I'm with them. Dip in an Oreo is a great thing. No, I don't do any combinations. Like, if I get a burger and fries, I eat the whole burger, then I move over to the fries. Oreos, I eat the box of Oreos, then I go to my milk. You're now got to be dry as shit, though. How many columns are you going to get?

But that's OK. I know why you do that, because when you to be dry, you shit, though. How many columns are you going to get? Okay. What I know why you do that, because when you do try and get it taste amazing. Yes. Hang on a second. I love that he called them columns. That is the greatest thing I've ever heard for cookie sleeves.

Cookie sleeves. I like that. I don't have a clue. You know, I had two columns. I'm sorry. So you eat a whole, I'm very impressed with that. Because I didn't have a dinner and then I was gonna have frosted flakes at the bodega downstairs.

I was like, I'm gonna get frosted flakes, they were out. Because it's not a really nice bodega, so they run out sometimes. So I was like, I'll just won't eat. You have a diet of a 14 year old boy whose mom went out. Yeah. You're real foodie, huh? Yeah, you really eat like a hooker. Well, I eat some good things, but then, you know,

so I went Oreos because here's my theory. If right before bed, some people think you're gonna eat shit during the day because then you burn it off. But my thought, and I think I'm right, is you eat it before you go to sleep, because then you're sleeping while you feel shitty. That doesn't work at all. It did work.

I'm telling you it worked. Every nutritious has no. If you eat a bottle, who's ever studied that and says no. Why would you take my shirt off? Hang on one second, hang for that shit that, I'm gonna you it works. Every new trivia says no. If you eat a bottle, it's ever studied that, it says no. Why don't you take my shirt off? Hang on one second, hang on for that shenanigans. I'm gonna have to tell the police. I'm gonna go around the room real quick.

I literally went to you, I had to do a shield. Go around the room and introduce everybody. I just thought that. Well Bobby doesn't know half the rules names. That's what's happening. I know everybody in here, I've already used everybody's names. You're a fucking asshole. I went to you and I fucking call it.

Go ahead, do it real quick. You got Sean Donnelly back here. Hi. How are you? Hey. And we, do a real quick. We got Sean Donnelly back here. Hi. How are you? How are you? Hey. And we got Damien Lemmon. Yeah. Yeah.

We're recording. And then the great artist Jason Chaffey. Yeah. Thanks, man. And for people, and we got Deepu, and of course, Chris Gopal, and the fucking YKW team. And you actually drew on the show live one time, right? A couple times. Yeah, I did it once. It's on the show live one time, right?

A couple times, yeah, I did it once, it's on the catch and then once live. Deep was a fucking genius for that stuff. He is a fucking genius. Now let me ask you a question, did not get off the fucking columns of cookies. We'll get back to it. Do you do that?

Is that your job, you drawing? Yeah, that's my day job, yeah. What do you do? I do a comic strip, syndicated through Universal, that's still about 34 countries, it's translated. What's the name of the comic strip? It's called Ginger Megs. It's been running since 1921.

It took over about seven years ago. You were that old. It's a good monster. You look fantastic. The stories are great. Yeah. Yeah, so I took that over about seven years ago. It's syndicated.

It goes through Universal's like the Calvin and Hobbes and God. Did he give it to you or did they give it to you? Before he died, but three days before the guy died? You said this day I suck these days I want to give you the podcast You want nothing to do with this things like a fucking awful mushroom really doing it seven years Seven years only for seven years. yeah. That's a long time. It's a long time.

I started stand up the same year I took on this trip. Do they tell you is there a certain way that you have to just... Why are you gonna make it like he's dropping an R&B out? Yo, today tells you... You draw the strip. I know you're gonna drop a strip. I just have to. I love the way you toss it.

I've never heard it before. You've heard it, but Bobby talk Damien is fucking cool The coolest guy Have you heard his podcast? What's it called with the conversation right? You're all fucking cool. You all sound really cool. I listen to it to find out On your public you ever talking to the mic I listen to it to find that on your public you ever talking to the mic Or is that just my show?

We always talk to the mic. We always talk to the mic. Can you not hear me? Well, you can't hear you. I can hear me. Am I going too loud for you? No, you do too loud. He's too soft, you're too loud. You're just right. I listen. I'm doing as I'm trying to perfect. So somebody you just picked up something that was 70-70 years ago. 94 years old, yeah. So it is like a, like there's certain things you cannot draw, right? Yeah, that's right. And how was that past dance? He was like a past this thing.

So we thought we had like a month for him to train me up and all that, and then I just died. Yeah. So I had to figure it all out on my own. So I knew the strip like pretty well. It's like the Dennis the menace of Australia, like the pretty iconic strip, but I didn't know all of that stuff. So I had to like cram and just figure it all out and then just do it and then do strip

Send them out I work about six weeks ahead and eight weeks for the Sunday strip So I'm gonna do one strip one gag for every single day of the year The only other guy that's ever done it. No, there were other guys before him They look for other guys over like 94 years. Is it a one panel situation? No, no, it's like a three panel, like a, yeah. Oh, wow. So now you have to, you have to come up with this every day. I got to write it, draw it, send it in.

Every day. You write it too? How many days a week? Seven. Seven days a week. On the Sunday, it's one of the big three deck half page ones, and then Monday to set it. It's a nice little question.

You don't have to tell me how much, but do you get paid good for that yeah it's got good is the vice is that I put it straight back like I've grabbed from other artists I buy like other comic strip books and collections and I like you know if other cartoonists are like I'm trying to do this thing I'll just fucking throw a hit the cash at them so I don't have I don't keep a little you know what I mean like I'm not good at saving like a overload good at fucking spending it Yeah, really do you have a scooter? What do you have what did you spend it on what's the most lavish the most decadent

Dink decked in what was his name? Grinch of Scobbles fucking 80 bucks School would suck dig 72 99 oh man. Oh no the most expensive thing I bought it one What was fucking 80 bucks? It's going with Suck dig 72 and 99. Oh man, there we go. Alright, no, the most expensive thing I bought at once was It's just a lens, it was a camera lens, they cost fucking haves. How much?

What's the most, let me just rephrase the crunches so you don't pour the audience. What's the most interesting thing you bought? A fucking dildo. I put it on. Not the lens. He bought the corpse of the guy using the ponjip. He's like a Michael Jackson. He uses his hand drawer every night.

It's authentic. He just duct tape the fucking pen in the hand. And once a while, a finger falls off, you get off. What do you get the most interesting thing? That I bought. Yes. He took way too long to re-approach that question.

Where you going? I'm going to land. It's got to be the land. I bet you Damien bought a more interesting last week. What's the most expensive thing you'll buy? I don't know. You are really. But What's the most expensive thing you ever, I don't wanna die, I don't know.

You are really, but. But what's the most expensive thing? Interesting, interesting thing you've spent a fuckload of money on. Ooh, interesting, I'm. Yeah, yeah. That's the, that's the, that's the hard part. That's the hard part.

For me, what's the most expensive thing? Me, I bought a fucking white Vespascooter, I called it the white unicorn. Oh, so that's why you said you bought it? That's why it's, yeah, it's like the first thing because, yeah, that's what I bought. That's what I bought. That's what I bought. I bought unicorn. Oh, so that's why you said you buy it? That's why it's like the first thing they got. That's what I bought. That's what I bought.

That's what I bought. I bought a curious, didn't you? Is it, is it my little white unicorn every day or just on Pride Day? Well, I know I had to get, I had to come on. That was funny. It was. Fuck you guys.

Thank you. Vespos and women. I went, my wife wanted a Vespos when we lived in the city because I was away a lot before she was pregnant. And she was like, I'd like to get, she she worked down here and we were going to get a 150, but I'm an addict, I'm a fucking fiend. You go over the top of the line. So I went in and the guy, you could sell me anything.

You go, I'm just a fucking, just a mushy, spineless, fat turd. That's a good investment. No. That's a good thing that thing. I actually liked it. I did. So I go in and the guy is like well we got the new to you know that goes this and that's good But if you're both gonna ride it blah blah blah, right? He said this one goes 95 highway. You can take it on the highway

And I was like I can take it down with the Jersey Shore and do gigs We're gonna fucking stress factory with my dad's Just pay the toll and I'll stress fact to you with my desk book. Good, good. I just painted the tall dude. I love the idea of your best book. Dude. Dude. In a way. Oh, there it is.

How fast is it going with the best? 95. Really? The one I bought. It was the two driving. With you driving? Hang on. And how much?

Hang on. 2015 was 300 series, and I decked it out. I got Chrome stuff. I got a couple helmets, a bucket. I got all the on. 2015 was 300 series and I decked it out. I got Chrome stuff. I got a couple helmets, a bucket. I got all this shit for it. And it was awesome, dude, but it's too dangerous. It's way too fucking dangerous. My wife, it was too big for my wife.

She got on it. She fucking, I took it on the street. Just named the Cobble Stone Street down on 26th Street and between 12th and 11th. And she fell. She fell. Oh, shit. She fell. The cobblestone street down on 26th street in between 12th and 11th and she fell she fell oh She fell and it fell she stopped and it just tipped over on her and she cried and shit I had I had a I saw that some Russian guy some Unloaded it already it's gone. I had to get rid of it. How much they run how much they run some those around

Seven eight thousand dollars what do you sell what I did to it? I 7,8000 dollars. What do you sell? So what I did to it, I sold it for 7. Really? Yeah, I got my money. Well, I sold it quick. So it doesn't go down like cars then. No, it goes down, but it was so, it was 2014. I got the 2015 version at the time, I believe.

Well, maybe it was 2013. I got the 2014 version before anybody had it. And the guy knew me at anybody had it and a guy New me at the dealership and you know, it was a car dealership that's so vestable So I kind of got away with but I sold it to this Russian dude. It was kind of scary because I want to test drive your car Your vest, but I was Dan was here But I was Dan was here Yeah, but that was the craziest thing I've ever bought and I it was stupid man. It was fun I would came I came down here. I gave all the comics made fun of me, but I gave him rides

You park in the street around here. I'd Keith Robinson holding my belly button I'd pay to see that I parked it right out front. Fuck yeah. I had an alarm on it. It's a lock that you put on the front wheel and if anybody sits on it and it moves it all, weep, weep when it goes off. Oh really? For like 15 seconds or it's scared everybody off of me. How long did you own it for? Three days.

Oh wow. Get it. I come a timing zone. I'm flying. I do that. I flip my hair when I'm good. Instinctually? Non-existent hair.

I'm fanned to my hair. So what is the most crazy thing you're gonna buy? Honestly, I bought a lot of it. A lot of it. If you have to, you can make it interesting. I want to joke with shirts. You're the guy. You're the guy.

I'm the guy. I'm the one. I got the money for it because it's hard to get from here. You can get that number. I gotta give it out here. Who you see at which one? Jesus Christ I'm gonna go buy 19 of his shirts. I tried to buy one of your shirts on ryecast Yeah, and then they had it in small which one the one with the old logo on it. Oh, I got to get new ones Yeah, yeah, okay, I'm gonna go to in small. I'll get you on the buy one. All right. Well, I'll get you the The I'll make it so you can buy one. All right you know I'll buy one just make sure they're sure yeah

some where there's more I don't know what you're on the website they're on the website because people tweeting pictures of them holding the shirt and like a family all wearing them I ain't seen a nickel I gave you the number the guy call me the number I got to call the guy Bobby's like I'll sell him for you Give him to me. I'll take such and such percentage you get this two years later He's like you got to call fucking bill T-shirt bill did you do what for the worry at two or not? No, these were given to me by Frankie Gwen is a super fan of this podcast and a super

Gwynn Frankie grid first sounds like a baseball player from the 80s. We got that. Franky, when coming up to the play now, he had a home run last game for the red song. He's a super fan of yours and he's a super duper fan of my podcast. And he brought all these shit. He came to a gig. Him and his girl warm in the front row and he had like a satchel full of these. And he said, and I said,

let me give you money. Let me give you a hand job. And he said, no, just take all of them. I'm going to call the guy. I'll call the guy right now online. You want me to call? Yes, okay hang on one second My loot Jim Serbiko is on the beach in Mexico listening to the show right now Yeah, and he said this throw up in your most stuff is so much more detaining than last week's news fest Relationship advice with that's great. That's my manager It's my manager too. Could you think you could get me the money from you for those t-shirts? Oh, no, we talked about that. I gave the money to him. No, I'll call the guy right now. You want me to call him right now?

I didn't use all the beach right now. I'll call him right now. What's the guy's name? I forget the guy's name. I have no idea. I thought you were the guy. Well, dude, first of all, here's the real thing that happened, okay? Okay, he fucking could dead. I wanted these shirts. I got these shirts. Can you please sell them? Can you please, and I was like, that's not what happened. You kept calling me and I go, dude, I'm so sorry. I kept blowing them off. Dude, here's the address. Here's the guy. Ship them to the guy. Talk to him. I call them up. He will sell the shirts for you, right? And you say, everything is right except for me going, Bobby, please can you sell these shirts? And I was like, well, you asked me to sell them on the website. No, I said I don't know how to sell them What to do with them? And you said give them to me. I'll take care of it boobly boobop and he bit how many was it

I feel like something like 20 20 30 shirts, maybe I've never said boobly boobop Not that I really do want to say that With those beautiful lips of his want to say that now with those beautiful lips of his I want to tell my wife you're giving me a call on of those rits. I'm not kidding. I don't say this with any sarcasm or humor or whatever. Your lips turn me on. I'm fucking beautiful. You have really. How sexy what? You look shit out of your lips just now.

Look at those lips. You can see your reflection in those lips. Bobby lips. If you're in the mafia, you'd be Bobby lips. I'm calling him right now Freddie no-nose. Bobby lips. I was supposed to give you two times. What was this on the phone? Hang on, this is... It was Pete the killer. He was Saturday, Balls is breaking. There we go, here we go. He's Johnny Scherz.

Where's our money? Perhaps this is Crack's. Hi, is Burton in, please. He gives, actually, a different line. They've been building the main building. I'm going to do a phone spin-up. Let me get you guys. I'm going to do a phone spin. I'm going to do a phone spin. I'm going to do a phone spin. I'm He gives actually a different line.

I think the building is a bit different. So I'm just going to put it up. Oh, thank you so much. Can you take down this number? Chris, I have my assistant taking down this number. Oh, I'm sorry. It's 785. 785, hang on, hang on.

I got it. Take the hand. take the hand to give you my sister Sure thing boss. Thank you for him. So he doesn't I don't want 95 people Yeah, the way is Joe shirts You know they would do that. Oh, but every other fight day with Joe shirts I'll fucking take the way is the shirt with Joe's money asshole So did you get it? Okay, we're gonna call we're gonna find out you we're gonna get to the rest of the shirt. Where's Joe's money asshole. So did you get it? Okay, we're gonna call, we're gonna find out about you. We're gonna get to the bottom of the shirt right now.

Let's get to the bottom of this. It's great, finally. I'm owed at least 11 bucks. Joe is waiting on this money. Why don't you fucking take some of your money and hand it over to him for the fucking art of it? I spent it all. So you did the entire week already, you done week ones? What for money?

No. Oh, that's a good question, Dame. You need to do more one day. Thank you. That's a good question because you're saying, does he do them all in one day? Yeah, I haven't do knock them out. How you do it?

Yeah, I write about 12 at a time, and then I income six at a time, and then I send them to a colorist. What's income? What does income mean? Ink, inking. Like drawing in the end. You don't do the coloring there. I write it, I draw it. I send it to a colorist to do all the boring coloring it's easy why the color

is shit got me color in it I wasn't even on it like that I just said it heroic it like I said it to the colorist and that motherfucking do his thing and then I get it back I spiced it up I do spice it up. He says it back. I do a little highlights. He's a bit taller to get the little. It's something a show. Call a show and CBS. The colorist. The colorist. I'm in Baker. Yeah, so I do that and then spice it up. It's boring as it sounds. We're gonna get back to that. We're calling. Say me and wants to become a Here we go. Sorry. Are we up to do it? Ready? Oh shit.

Can you get that deep? Don't maybe look sound like a dick. What if he's listening in the moment? Don't make me sound like he's listening. I want to be cool. We have, we are out of business. No one's there. Welcome to List of Media Productions.

Yeah. Yeah. Malachi, how can I help you? Yeah, is Burton in, please? Yeah, man, it's fine. Yeah yeah my name is Robert Kelly okay just think please okay thank you yeah I'm gonna found you said Malachi you said Malachi I haven't heard that name since it's an evil man it's an old Irish name and you went to evil man. It's like that's an old Irish name. It's a new head to be an H No, that's from Choronghorn. Yeah, that's right What's up with that whole music that I should

This is a full class makes me want to buy a shirt Hey, dude, how's it going? Hey bro, listen, I just want to let you know you're on the air on my podcast right now All right, no, don swear, we're a Catholic station that's the title listen, listen, I'm here, I got Joe list, you know, the list of maniac shirts, we have list of maniac shirts, we had yeah, now he's bitching to me for months about the sales and he hasn't seen money and what has happened and blah blah blah have we sold any of those shirts?

Look, we blow all of that money on nutritious protein shake and I'm sorry first of all, like we just want to be healthy over here. Hang on, yeah, we hang on Bert, we have a bomb band in it's going to bomb. I'm sitting on the phone and Joe just gave it to you. It's the first time it's ever been given over the phone. I'll fax it to you. You're making history. Hey, yeah, go.

What happened with the shirts? We need to get to the bottom. Yes, they were posted and I can go to the, we have a 1930 style computer system here that I could I could pull up. I can still you how many that's right? Okay, yeah, let's let's get to the bottom so joke and because he thinks I'm stealing money or Like they all sold the menu split the money and bought a vest. But we sold a couple Joe got got that's what I have He's making bad jokes to cover the fact that he sold zero shirts. Yeah, he's trying to save you like I

Intrusion shakes, please don't make me say the numbers How many shirts have we sold one to a jay chat? I got you math Using your hands all right How much is it once more okay? So Joe's fans of fat. All right now how much do we oh Joe Wait a minute do I get it? What do I? You you a Joe? Didn't you backrobs it? We don't owe Joe. Yeah. I like that.

I don't like the way you said you owe Joe. Wait a second. There's so little solvers. There's no money involved. OK, hang on. How much do we owe him? We owe Joe. Two.

Is there a drum roll? Yeah, ready? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. $277. Woo! 50 cents.

Yeah. Yes. And with interest, that should be like $57.50. Yes! And with interest, that should be like 580. I gave him the shirt six years ago. And thank God, because he needs it. I do need it. He's about to be on last comic standing this year. I was just kidding.

We don't know if he's a finalist, if he made it. He was on the show. We don't know what happened with him. But this could blow up. These shirts could blow up. Oh, they could that be the end of them right there I'm gonna give Joe your number and he's gonna call you What we have on the line just I'll give you my address No, I don't have to call this in the way we do call. Listen, the way we do this, I give you his information. You call him up and you talk to Burton.

He's a great guy. He's got your money, Joe. Why can't I email? You know what, Burton, take that money, you donate it to whatever charity you want. Oh, that's wonderful. Seriously, I'm serious. Why can't I email? I don't want to have to call on the phone.

What are you nervous? I'm a nervous guy. Burton seems like a nice guy, he's a great guy. Funny funny. Hey Burton. You know what else we got to do the YKWD t-shirts We're gonna get more of those people to ask a forum and they don't have any left You know we have a new Backstop that we can turn that on immediately and people can start grabbing those right off the back All right, so let's fucking let's turn that on immediately and people can start grabbing those right off the ground. All right, so let's fucking, let's turn that button on.

We will do that. Hey, you know what we want to do, too? We want to make bomb band-anners so people can buy their own bomb band-anners. That's a good idea. We'll create it. We'll create it. So I'm going to send you a photo of it and then you can recreate it. And keep one for yourself.

And I want to donate Joe said you can have you Hi buddy I will I will get Joe in touch with you or I'll probably want to take care of it because he's nervous Give him your addra I'm not my money Don't give him all right Joe what's wrong with it? We're gonna and I'll get you a touch but thank you so much buddy Hey no problem. Alright, I'll talk to you later.

Later, guys. Well, I'm glad I spoke up. Joe, can I have 271? Well, wait, wait, wait, wait. Can I borrow the one who brings that to the form? I kind of brought that up. I was the person that pointed to that. I appreciate that.

We started that whole shit. I'll buy a slice. Once a con. Let me get a, let me get a shirt. You ain't got no, I ain't got no, I ain't got no, I ain't got no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain't no, I ain, I ain, I ain't no, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I ain, I house. I got nothing I gave them I gave all my stuff all right listen My favorite part of that one is small come back They part of this because he goes like this when you picked up the phone He goes please don't make me look like an asshole and the minute the guy got the phone you go Yeah, he's like complaining all day

I'm glad I call it's 300 bucks Yeah, yeah, it's 1 and 170 and then they take their 30% commission. No, no, he said we oh Joe They are taking it without the commission. They take 30 no, no, no, no, that sounded to me like You've already taken that money. No, I'm gonna take an eight. Why did he say we oh Joe? 16 you get 160 then I get a bit of that's a full of shit you already took You get one thing you get one sixty two and then I get a bit of that's a full of shit. You already took a lot of Oreo You're wearing it. I'm like. I'm like you know what I'm like. I'm like mori. I'm mori's wigs You're gonna end up like fucking mori

Stick a nice pic to the back of your neck. Well, that doesn't work out for you shortly after that. All right, we go on. I'm in a good fellow's reference. It's because we're going through here. Everyone listening is on board. All right. I will get your money. We will get your money, Aisha. 279.

How great is that, though? How about that? It's great. It's a little late, but it's pretty sweet. Well, it's the first time you've asked for it. I mean, cool. I mean, isn't it's the first time you've asked for it. I mean, cool. I mean, isn't it? The first time you've pushed.

All right. He pushed. Am I lying? And then you, well, he should give him the money. I broke over here. Are you really? No, but I'm not doing well.

Did you have eight grand in the bank? Eight. You can buy a vest. You have more than eight? It's like an eight vest book. I'm doing all right. So what the fuck do you need 274? And every dollar counts in this business.

Because then I look at people on their way down, not naming names. And you're like, gee, you're going to collect, you're going to see them. You want me? I haven't even gone up. I've been up. Little, didn't know.

I think you're going out if you haven't been up. What the fuck are you talking about? That's the nice thing about our generation. We get the whole generation in two before us, watching them all go, oh fuck, I fucked up. So we gotta stay on this stuff, not you. It's gonna be a T-shirt merchandising, it's gonna keep you on time.

Something. I could dig it. We gotta come up with, I get nervous with this money situation. Well, you get money. First of all, here's the thing, money comes in. What you need comes to you. Okay, if you have any talent in what's well,

what you do and you have more than enough. That's a very money comes to you. That's a very, I'm doing pretty well kind of thing. Go up to the fucking projects and walk around and go, yeah, yeah, money comes to you. You get what you need. They did, but they got a house.

They got a place. They get section eight. Someone helped them. They live in the not homeless. They're actually living working all right Families walk back downstairs walk out of the projects and then talk to the homeless guy and go yeah, you got whatever you wanted He did he's got a fucking box It's gotta get on stage Let me ask you this at what point did you start making enough money to where you didn't worry about money at all?

Uh, eight months ago. Well, it came. No, no. Did you ever get to that point? There's no point because what happens, I think what happens is the more money you make the more stuff you get. Absolutely.

So it's all relative. I mean, you look at a guy like Louie, and you're like, he's got so much money. He's got houses, boats. So he's kind of making the same money as Joe. You know what I mean? But it's just on a certain level. On a certain level they have the same bills.

Just by a trumpet. When something like he had four grand and he's put all in a trumpet. Yeah, I mean he can do a lot. He has a lot more stuff than Joe. I mean Joe has a fucking love seat there and And a shitty apartment scopo that he's never in Thanks on his girlfriend has a better apartment in a better career and that was one of those bombs that you talk right through I really did I like the love seat though sometimes I like them. I just don't actually have a love seat

I thought he was kidding. No, no, I like the love seat though sometimes I like them. I just don't actually have a love seat. I thought he was kidding No, no, I like the I like Sounds like a nickname for scopos ass the love seat. All right I'm sorry honestly can you draw that one for us? That was dog shit That was real bad. Damn it. I'm sorry man. Dog shit. Oh shit.

But that made it seem like a scope I was like a feminine or something. That's why I didn't get it. It's a great ass. So back to, I really want to get into this though. I want to know the most fucking. I was just out of figuring that out. Crazy as shit you've ever bought with the money. Like what? Cause we've all kind of popped or had something

where we got money except for, you know, a couple who, but, you got a nice car. What you buy? Is that what you buy? I guess I got a car, I got a... 2004, you know, the... That's what you get. 2000 for a Mercedes.

Yeah, yeah. What you get? I got my car, I got a 23rd, seeing a cold sport. I made a name that crazy. That's a nice car. What a nice car. I had a 93 Corolla before that shit And I should broke down in the middle of the George Washington bridge I was on my way to go get another car and that shit

Did you start laughing? Yeah, cuz I and soon as I got it off as soon as I got the car And I haven't really done anything super dumb yet just for the just for that reason I just actually where I feel like I don't want to fuck up some money before I got some money saved Because I would hate for it to be two months later when I stand when I sold the first thing I ever bought really Was apartment that was the main that was when I did one when I bought my near my I remember when Greg Fitz Simmons Yeah, when he came to New York, and then all of a sudden, he did something, booked something, got some money. And he bought, he was like, I got an apartment,

I bought an apartment, I bought an apartment, and I was like, oh my God, that's the shit, that's my goal is to have my own place in Manhattan, because that would be like owning a medallion, a cab medallion, you could always sell that. That's true, that's away the putt of it. Now I was, I was, you know, without, if we didn't have the baby, I'd still be there.

And I would just roll through these, roll the coaster real estate rides that were going through. And at the right time, I would fucking sell that. And if I waited maybe five, six more years, it could have been up to you know, $900,000 for my place. Wow.

That's pretty great, huh? Profit? No, no, no. It would have been, it would have been close to, you know, four. Wow. How long did you buy? I bought it. It would be eight years ago now.

But, you know, I had to sell it. The baby came. I had to get the five. I had to get the fire. I had to get out of the city. So I bought it at the peak and I sold it at the bottom. But I still Manhattan still has nothing here. So you still make I still made money. When I was moving up to a fucking Westchester in my brain, I'm like I could go get a five bedroom house and I was looking at pools with, you know, a theater room,

just 24 minutes, 25 more minutes up and wherever the fuck it was. And I was like, fuck that. I'm like, fuck that. I'm buying what I need, not what I want. I'm just gonna get what I need. And then have that security, or be, I didn't wanna live, because New York City, man,

my bills were like five grand a month. Wow. I mean, when I was living in New York, you talking about, and then the baby came, that's yeah, that doubles it, right? It was fucking nuts. Wow. So I was like, it was a lot of stress, man,

making that much money a month. Yeah. And that's like everything, you know? It was a lot of stress man. And then when I moved up to the there, I was like, fuck it. You don't even miss it. No, no, fuck no. It just felt good to know you had it, but you'll miss it.

I have the greatest New York City apartment, it's just in Westchester. That's the thing, I don't have a basement, I have an attic, I have this great backyard, blah, blah, some fucking lunatics in right now. Fucking planting grass. That's some, anyways. Wait, what?

We got an attention there. I had some guys doing my, I met some, I mean, I want my backyard redone the grass. I met some guys, I'll do it. And I was like, okay, and he came to my house and he comes every once in a while, drops a truck off or a machine and then leaves, and then we'll come back and dig something up

and then leave, and then come, it's the weirdest, I'm just waiting for him to be jerking off, like over me at night. He's bearing bodies back there. I don't know what the fuck he's doing, but I'm too into it now. Like a mobile myth lab. I think that's where all the list of many shirts are.

Let me say, is my purchase really brought this podcast to a screeching halt. I literally made you guys tired. I still like learning with that. I was listening. I thought lens was horrible. I was like, I got said. I'm never gonna have the eye. Jesus, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no my brain, was like, how this is gonna be the unattainable thing, you can, you definitely

could have, I don't know you, but most of these people, you could have your own apartment. We're gonna re up on list of mania shirts, we need more. Why, that's how we're gonna. Why, so to sell more. You should call him. We sold out, I'm not, I'm not your fucking manager. You should call him and you should say listen take that money make more shirts I'm not doubling down double down

I'm not doing a lot more to make money a lot of people have to watch their cars listen with the shirt on Joe listen you should you should take that money and reinvest it and look if there if there's a surplus They'll make the new bomb bandanas out of your old shirts There you go. You still have it right? Okay, it's not a what you heard It's not a bomb bandana. It's a bomb data. Yeah, I know I but I if I say it the other way it annoys you if you have to

That's good You have to go bandana I'm not gonna double up. I'm taking the 300. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna let it. 270, you know, you're 79. And change. I let every penny of that. Sean, what do you got? You anything? What's the most interesting thing you bought? No, we got to. I want. Jesus. We go over you. I know you said, what do you got? Meaning, let's how you say before plugs. Oh, I was interesting. Then I bought that I bought. yes, I don't have much. I don't have much money I just I just got the big payment

It doesn't have the same thing we did Interesting we got married that's big Running just put a cost money for the ring and the one you get a dog a dog What kind of dog English bulldog I bought him for two grand those things don't work. I know thanks Thanks for like Dragon the fucking energy out of it. This sounded like we it sounded like Sean was just like guys. I did about killing myself See the one in your Twitter profile pic. Yeah, it's fucking best Thousand out. He's the best

$2,000 man. It is there it's good, but they don't last long. No, they don't $2000 man, it is there, but they don't last long. No, they don't. You know what I mean? It's a precious. You know what I mean? You love it, you can fucking die. But I'll tell you what, you'll be happy about that. Because when you're sick of it, picking up dog shit.

Croke. Do you think we'll make that? Yeah, that's why dogs aren't like kids. You're gonna have to pick up baby shit. Well, baby shit, you're gonna someday, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, it's fine. It's fine. You'll be fine with baby shit. Well, baby shit, you're gonna someday, right? Yeah, yeah, dude, it's fine. It's fine, you'll be fine with baby shit.

My dog came in the other room, little ran in front of us, we're eating dinner the other night, comes in and just diarrhea shit so my share of them. And like, you're looking at him like and he's just hunched over his little fucking tail flush and and you're like, what the fuckin' you motherfucker? That's like a 15, 20 minute pickup. Someone's gonna pick them, take them outside.

Someone's gonna get the bag. Someone has to clean it. Then you have to get the bleach. Then you gotta wash the rug. It's a fucking nightmare. That's the worst. But it's all relative because a trip to Frank Pepe is that's only 20 minutes.

What's happening with your shit, Bobby? I'm worried about you dying. What's happening? Last week you said you had what shit dying. I was like, did you see no one doing? I'm worried about you dying. What's happening last last week? You said you had what shit? Something about bio I took I took I had to take a we talk last week. I had to take What does it call the stool test stool test I might need that I had to take, what is it called, the Poo? The stool test. The stool test. I might need that. I had to have the same thing as well.

It's the worst thing in the world. I'm gonna tell you know right now, they make you, you should say to them, I have a problem with poop, and I have a gag reflex. Is there any way I can just poop in a bag and bring it back immediately? And you guys do the, because if not,

they're gonna make you do their job, which is I had to shit into a banana split container. One of those little little shit in one of those, which is awful to make somebody, because it's not, it should be a swim of shit. It should be an even square. It's literally curved, so half of it cut off. And then you get the tongue to press,

there's two different sizes, and you have to scoop and smear chunks of shit on the fire. And then you get the tongue depressors two different sizes and you have to scoop and smear chunks of shit Three day over three days no what the fun time what do you fuck I had to do three days? I had it they asked me to do a three day. What's wrong with your ass cancer? You go what's stuck in maybe I wouldn't know yet. I don't know you what I have, I'm perfectly fine. Everything's great. Collestor Oscar. So what have, why the white shit? Did you eat white out?

I didn't. You coming brown? No, it could have been. It could have been. What's funny about that is, obviously you wrote that joke last week when you heard the show. I didn't write it. I knew there was something. I didn't write it yet. You know it was something.

I didn't write it yet. I'm sitting up for six days. No, I just know it. I hadn't really had some really sorry. Here's a deal. I think that I got some type of virus or something. And it was, and it was, something happened with something I would go to the buy-out didn't make it into my poop.

And out of the liver and my poo was white for a day. But if you poo is ever white, you need to get a check. That's scary. Yeah, but I'm fine. Everything was great. Everything cholesterol. Everything was great.

So, yeah, but that's what fucks my head up to. I'm fine. I can eat pizza all I want. You know what I mean? No festival chicken though. All right, let's go. What's that? We still doing that?

We're gonna go back to show. Why do you have your pants hiked up to your belly belly? I kept sliding and they kept going up. I thought it was fun. let's go. What's that? We still doing that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna go back to show Why do you have your pants hiked up to you belly button? I kept sliding and they kept going up. I thought it was fun. There you go. It's not fun for us No, it's not now you look like fucking Judy gold in 1995 Can pull a poundstone pants Let's go to the chat room real quick before we go to Joe. What are we got in the chat room? Michael vent headl says we get it Bob You moved because you needed more room room but how do you think your apartment feels oh I don't got it that's deep who being a douchebag yeah go

ahead buddy see buddy says what percentage does Joe list O to Hulk Hogan for the list of Mania shirt you know you could also you can always get positive ones too yeah fucking deep Fuck it. Deepa chats really mean. Deepa chat is just a true thing. It's just how he feels about us. I don't like how I'm being implicated more and more with the chat interpretation. You know, this is most only readable stuff.

Oh, my God. That was putting down the chat. What do you got? Uh, give me one second. Upstairs neighbor says, Bobby on the vest, but but is probably a beautiful site it was pretty good man i rock to wrap says i hope this a picture of calling hanging on to bobby

for dear life uh... key uh... actually it was he was actually holding onto me with love in his eyes what else you got kevin wood says that lily line didn't get enough credit that was pretty good it was was clever. It was clever. Yeah, that is a lot of fun. I'll give it that.

Kevin's probably our smartest fan, I would say. How about you guys? Buddy see, Buddy says, black late's matter. A black late. Black late's. Black late's. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, I was walking through Washington Square Park last night. First of all, this would happen too. Let me just get this out.

Do we need to take a break? Can we go through? Do you have to pee? I got to pee a little bit. I want you to go pee. I'm going to do a quick weed. We're going to come back. I don't want to break. Can we stay going? Yeah, let's go. Where's the reed? You got the reed?

I gave it to you. All right, cool. We're going to do this real quick. All right, check it out. First of all, go to ridecast.com, one of the best networks on the planet Earth. We have 17 of the greatest shows and they're all free. Free, that's nothing. That means you can listen to them for nothing, download the app and all 17 shows come to you for absolutely fucking nothing. The only thing we ask you to do is support us,

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commitments. There you go. Just instant cash, instant gratification, which is what we all like, isn't it? That's true. Instant gratification is one of the best thing. That's why we stand up comedians. Every 30 seconds we get a nice laugh most of us. Some of us have to wait a few minutes. Let's go, Po. Nothing's going. All right, nice to argue you. Why wait until the end of the season to get paid when you can win huge cash prizes every single day at draft kings. It's like a brand new season every day you play. Just pick two pitches to it, position eight position players and you pick up your cash.

That's it. Ask Peter from Colorado. Last year this guy, he won a million dollars in one day, simply playing fantasy baseball at draft Kings.com. It's amazing. Hundreds and thousands of fantasy sports fans, just like you have already won cash prizes At draft kings dot com. What are you doing? Can you sit down until I finish this you fucking jackass sit the fuck down

Given the guest water. I don't care wait until I'm done. It's a five-second read and you can hear every fucking movement You're the producer of the show you should be telling people to be quiet and your fat ass is up moving that was him Con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, rincones de película y un sin fin de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, All right, this is it right now. New contest start daily. So hurry to draft Kings.

And look, man, I know guys who gamble and have used this and say it's awesome, okay? So you want to hurry to draft Kings.com right now and use the promo code Kelly to play for free in today's $10,000 fantasy baseball contest. Kelly, that's it. Use that code and you play for free. free in today's ten thousand dollar fantasy baseball contest kelly that's it use that code and you play for free draft kings dot com official partner of major league baseball enter kelly

to play for free entry now at draft kings dot com draft kings dot com draft kings dot com uh... amazon on the website i don't know right but go But go there and we have a donation button, right? Yeah, we have a donation button that, you know, if we wanna donate to the show, if you wanna donate, let's put it this way, if you donate $10, I'll know it's for Scopo.

If you donate 15, I know it's for Depot. Interesting. Why does that say that? Because he does a lot more than you. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Scopo, I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry.

No, Bobbi. You know, Bobbi, you hurt my feelings? I'm sorry. And it made me feel that good. So sorry, good. Scopo, Scopo thinks I'm beating on this show. I'm so sorry, dude. I didn't mean that.

I apologize. I accept your apology. All right, now here's the deal. I'm so sorry dude. Yeah, I didn't mean that. Well, I apologize. I accept your apology. All right, now here's the deal. You can just write in a note, this is going to Chris Scopo. Well, I want this to go to deep. No, because no one will give me money. How do you know that?

Have some self-esteem. I'm gonna donate to you today. Thank you. Yeah, I'll give you 10 bucks, Scope. It's 15. I'll change it to both 15. Okay. All right, we're back.

All right, hey, all right. Put your phones away, hey, all right. Put your phones away. You fucking assholes. I gotta really start watching everything I say, because the show's coming out. I'm literally getting all these crazy new fans. Oh, are you?

Data from other things that aren't, you know, our fucking sick world of comedy. A lot of Liz Gilles fans. It's terrifying. No, it's actually cool i know what it's terrifying what is that like i like i'm i'm i'm gonna make an appearance on last comic standing so let's

say a middle american housewife is watching goes i love this boy i'm gonna check out his podcast and i'm talking about women's squirting my face and uh... boobly boat whatever else is sort of that would be more that's terrifying wins the premier july six th july twenty second Boobly boat whatever else is sort of Windsor premier July 16 July 22nd July no me dummy not you My

That's a show you might be on July 22nd is last coming staying on NBC and he's loving rock and roll on FF It's sex love and rock and roll. That's a sex love and rock and roll. It's sex love and rock and roll. Ah, I... Well, this is so funny too. I actually had to. Somebody said it's not... I thought it was Bob Kelly's show.

It's Dennis Leary's show. It's like, do I have to... Look, man. Yeah. Yeah, look. If Dennis Leary wrote it, directed it, starred in it, cast it, yeah, it's his show, but I'm on it, I'm like, I'm a series regular on the show.

If I have to, you almost have to break it down into specifics, I am a series, I am in every episode, contractually, I will make it appearance in every episode of this show that's coming on. Why can't you, isn't it? Well, it's like your show as well. Why can't you pull that? I look technically, technically,

they can lose me if they needed to. If they lose, Leroy, it's done. Right, right, right. Like us with Scopo, we can lose him, but me, we need to have here. Yes, exactly. It's pretty, it's gonna be. Not exactly.

The show's gonna tag without me, but Scopo here. Yeah, it's exactly. It's pretty, it's going to. It's not exactly. Show's going to tag without me, but. Ah, scope of it anyway. Replace with an Australian broad. Oh. Oh. That means Jason. That's helpful. She sent me an emo.

Oh, did she, really? I'm kidding. Which is this. You're the straw that stirs the drink. Seriously, since you gave scope of microphone, this show's been way better. Like a milk. What did you say?

I said since you go, that gene is doing that. And you go to scope of one of Mike. been way better like milk What'd you say? I said since you go that gene is doing that and you got scope all on a mic the show He's like a thousand percent better. Really. Yeah, so you don't like Kelly. Hey kidding. We're friends Kelly No, you know, do you know where from Australia? Yeah, there's like nine of us down there. Yeah Show Jason why would you that was a fucking funny when he said the bomb in it? No, I gotta get a bomb banner. Sorry for an hour and a and then it. No, I got to get it. The band's bomb banner, sorry. For an hour and a half and you give them a shitty, finally got a good one out. But I don't, I don't, I like you,

but I don't care for that joke. Because there's a continuity problem. Right. Because you're like, yeah, asshole is only nine of us. But yeah, we are friends. Yeah. You're fucking dumb. You're like, when you ask black people,

you know, this black person that I know, it's the same kind of thing. But I wouldn't ask that. Right. Yours, yeah. You know, I like this. And know, it's the same kind of thing, but I wouldn't ask that. Right. Yours, yeah. You know, I like Kelly. And you're both in the same field. See, right, exactly.

She does fall for a moment. That's why she said shut up, Jason. And you know what, second, Kelly's not a cartoonist. He does stand up comedy as well. Yeah, but he's running. Ah! He's doing the new logo soon. What was that, sorry, sorry.

It's not. Fucking special. Mm-hmm. I love you. Now, do you find it hard? Now, is it hard because, look, none of us really had a B plan. We threw everything out the fuck a window to be stand up comics.

You got a pretty good B plan. Is it hard for you to really, really push the comedy? Because you don't have to financially? You know what, if I lost the comic gig, it would probably be the best thing that ever happened in my comedy because I would never fall back, you know what I mean? Yes.

Like without a B, you have to fucking make it the best and you have to work it. Well, I get the fans of the show to say that you said some fucked up shit and get you to lose the gig if you don't want to do that. Yeah, then that'll be really nice. Just improve my comedy. Yeah.

You could quit. You could quit. I could quit. You could walk out tomorrow. That's actually a question. What? Did you get in trouble? Let's say you just do it stand up and you say something on Podcasts on my that could you get in trouble with your newspapers? No, really not really. Okay, okay Say the N word right now Don't do it. Sorry to go off an attention, but will silvinces in Australia right now He's doing the road show, which is like who would country will silvence will silvence who's that?

I'm getting it I just don't want God did it be mad at me Bobby why are you I hack on your show? That's stealing thing Remember that a well go ahead that came in. Yes. Oh, that was I still fear him. And I think he actually shut down my Facebook for six months.

Really? Did you know that my Facebook went down after that? No, I wasn't here. Could not you view after he was on the show. Could not view my Facebook page. I won't page. What is it? Who was six months? Who?

Who was the guy? Someone got an A. I don't listen. I don't want to bring his name. He's like anonymous. Okay He's like a higher up at I like anonymous anonymous from he was like a higher up in a job and he came into like discuss Work or whatever and then we were all like fuck you your faggot piece of shit And then we were all like, fuck you, you faggot piece of shit. Come on, suck it in, come on. Come on, man. And then he was like, ah! And he left and told the chase,

he only got the different quit in the whole of the show. Oh, he left the middle of the show. Oh, it was horrible. We were all like, do you have a fuck of girl Analy in the ass against her own will? And he's like, what are you crazy? He's like, what the fuck? He goes like this.

I go, so you work for Facebook, he goes, I go, what the fuck is that? He goes, I go, hey, so you work for Facebook, he goes, I go, what the fuck is that? I go, hey, you know, you're talking to podcasts. This isn't pantomime. And his face, I've never seen somebody change colors. He changed fucking colors in front of us, went from a pale to a bright red like that R, like the Riyakas red.

And he started, sweat just started coming down. to a bright red like that R like the Raya Cash Red. And he started, sweat just started coming down. And he's like, I gotta go. I was like, I gotta get the fuck outta here. I have my Facebook shut down. Oh my God. As a person who's never, I spent my entire adult life since I was a kid around comedy.

So I've never experienced like a person with a real civilian. There's consequences. You've never experienced when you have consequences in their lives. You have an HR person to deal with. Yeah, oh my god. That was terrifying.

I put up Will, he's in Australia doing the broocher, right? Wow, you know what, fucking stay in. Stay in good. Stay in good. This shit is going lead to him saying the end word. Yeah, there it goes. I already noticed shit. This is why I started staying in court. I think so. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one.

That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one.

That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one.

That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was a good A.O. L. thing. Anyway, no, no, because I know the world's a friend of the show. Where's Wilm? He's in Australia. He's doing the Melbourne International Comedy Festival Road Show, which is basically all like the country towns and shit. And I'm here in the worst stories coming out of it. Like the poor guy is going to come back and never go back to Australia,

because Australia's super racist, like, I'm a polygillic. Okay, what are they doing? Before, so he gets on stage, before they even say anything, they go, oh, no, they Okay, what are they doing before so he gets on stage before leaving say anything? You said it One second I wanted to say something I want to let you know that if you if you whisper and mouth it is still saying. I'm gonna let you. I'm gonna let you. You're fucking out of here. He said, he said anything. He said it like he was tied to a chair by a black guy

that was about to kill him. Say it on the fucking kid. You can't even tell what is. All right, what did they say? They called him the end word. They called him the end word. Right off the bat. All right, so he goes on stage, give it up for Will's events and they say they say niggas that what you what they say

Niggas now look at it I'm fucking black mad lips This guy, but you know, it's then. Can I say something, David? I'm nigga Q point in this picture. And, now, great. Great soda. I'm looking at his face. Do you understand the decision? I saw him.

Yeah. Yes, yes, no, yes, no. Retreat. And then you can torture your body and you and me. He just wanted to get that to go. So he was like, I got to say. What is Will saying back? I'm Haitian. He's set. You can tour to your body you What is Will saying back I'm Hacias No, he's just doing is you know, he's not know it but he's like wow

People though realize that America for all its racism by far the least racist. Oh Europe is so racist I was an Italy with a black kid in our a group of friends and they used to fucking say shit at him all the time. You're walking the streets. Like what? Is this calm? It's calm though. No, what is what? I love that.

I was joking when I did that. But now we're actually using it to say the end word. And I'm just a point and white folks everywhere. Say it again, come on in, say it again. Like, you're up there still throwing fruit at sporting events and shit. It's horrible. Yeah, it's pretty good.

We're just saving it to keep it to Twitter now. I was actually going to shit for this last night because I was at the stand. I went by the last night, which I very rarely do. I just went to hang out. And everybody was there, Aaron was there the stand. I went by there last night, which I very rarely do to hang out and everybody was there Aaron was there Sarah saw you chick was there and I had a cigar I forget what's up? There's two bald guys is a big ball guy and then there's a little a bald guy in burger the little one Then there's another ball guy Mike that's you

So fucking that jacket he's been here. He was here. I know. Yeah, okay I know, I know, yeah. So fucking that jacket. He's been in here, he was in here. I know. Yeah, okay. Sorry, testing me, trying to add some fucking background. I don't know. I wish you were in the background.

Fucking figure a moush up with the actor's act. So, I went to the thing last night and I said something. I was talking about, we were just talking about, you know, wife and blonde, a baby monitor. And I and I go you know I have this baby monitor that I can hear and I go on it all the time when I'm on the road to listen to this watch my kid sleep or wake up or blah blah blah and my biggest fear is that one night I'm gonna hear yo yo yo yo yo shit fuck shit bitch that fat motherfucker ain't here where's my where's my? You know what I mean?

I said that. And it got a laugh. I was like, oh, I should write that down. And he goes, what do you fucking do material on us? And I was like, oh, fuck me. No, yeah. I mean, I just thought of it now. You know what I mean?

And I was like, and I said I should write that down. But that's, but I'm sitting there going, wait a minute. Why am I feeling guilty? You're committing it. I'm a stand up, that's what I mean? And I was like, and I said, I should write that down. But I'm sitting there going, wait a minute, why am I feeling guilty? You're committing. I'm a stand up, that's your own spot. So what am I supposed to do? Just secretly run into a room and write it down. So you come, this motherfucker.

So then I fucked up. So I had this other thing happening to me in March, just gonna park. And Chris Cotton was coming out. And it was just, you know, there was this black, there was black shit. Because I'm walking through and they're doing the rally, black lives matter and they're holding their black lives matter, black, the chanting, black lives matter. Everybody's there and they go, you know, if black lives matter,

raise your fist up, which is, I mean, what do you, that's like, if you like, you know, if you don't like people who suck kids' dicks, raise your fist up. It's like, oh, I gotta raise my fist up. I don't like it, but I don't want to hold my fist up. But I don't want to be the only guy that loves babies getting blown, right? I think I got a horror film set of that guy.

So everybody kind of raised up. That was nobody. Everybody's raised their fist up, but we have to. Right? Of course, we, but I'm on a date, but now with... I have to. Yeah, I like you, I like you too, hang on one second.

Oh, no. No, no, no. So, then they go black lives matter. All right, on the count of three, if you believe black lives matter, save black lives matter, 11 times. And then you're just walking through the park, but you literally heard people go He's doing material again

But then all night he's walking out every conversation I'm gonna be doing jokes. And you know that f**king Italian cock suck a f**king Tony's got. I'm afraid to like be funny. I was just being serious all night just the kids he walked up. No, I think the political ramifications of, you know, what's going on in the communities?

F**king, what are you doing, Mattair? Are you doing, are you a satireist now? Copsucker. Satirist. Satireist. Pianist. Satireist. Bomb, Dana.

Is my mic off? I wish it wasn't here. No, you keep fucking, your mouth keeps changing. Tones? No, I'm too hot. You're coming down a little bit. You are. There we go.

Anyways, let's go to lips. Yeah. We got a podcast. You got some chat every time. You got the chat up when you go. Anyways, so yeah, we got a podcast you get some chat every time you get the chat up we got I'm running the show I have a certain amount of time we have to fill so I I kind of There's a man there's a method to my madness. I like everyone it goes down. I know when to bring it back up We're gonna go yeah, Damien stop thinking it's so clear that you're a better host than Bobby. You can have it. Just call you know what mother fucker. Hi, what do you got?

Michael Van Heddle says craziest thing Bobby ever bought a medium shirt. Oh That was not bad. That was not bad. That's not bad. Pretty good. I like that. Could have worked for me as well. I liked it. Yep.

I'm not going to laugh at it and give him any fucking satisfaction. You know what I mean? Is this Bobby? Do you have any goal shirts? You still do that? I have goal shirts. Don't fit me. I keep my drawer that one day.

I have goal pants and goal shirts. I have goal pants too. It says, listen to maniac crossing. I do. Oh my god. I hate the goal pants. The goal Lister Mania across it. I do, yeah. Oh my God, I hate the gold pants. The gold pants are the worst, because they make you feel the worst, because when you try them on, you go,

nope, not yet. I've actually got violently mad at my wife when she's put the wrong pants in front of me. Oh, she bought me jeans. I bought you jeans. No, I'm not wearing them. Just try them on, see if they fit. And then I'm like, I don't wanna do it

because I'm gonna get them into my thighs. And then I'm gonna know that I fucking used to fit in it I put them on I get one leg in I try to pull them up She goes just pull I'm like I did I'll fucking fit and I snap and I throw them and then I fucking cry in the bathroom I do I cry in the bathroom like San Luis kid in that fucking Spanish movie Spanglish Spanish English one one more. Yeah, well sure when I point to you. Yes, all right. Brick top says I like scopo. I'm not sure why though I love the way that Deepu reads them He has a little flavor. No, he acts him out like Jimmy Fallon Well, I have to put on a hat and dance for the dance

First time I have to put on a hat and dance for the dance. Give it back. Give it back. Give it back. Give it back. Did you guys, for that way, about family dances a little too much, puts hats on and oh wait, no, you're on the business. Sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I was trying to rope a dope that bomb. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Adam Dale says, Don Lemon's really gone gangster since he said the N word on television Star you said it on television. No, I'm Damien lemon I think what do you say? I think it's Don Lemon actually did say that on CNN right he held the Niggand all caps and then under the emphasize does this offend you really yeah kind of And then under the influence says does this offend you really yeah kind of yeah Was it way but was it a shadowed like no wasn't it wasn't a shadow was it was a it was a regular Farms more like a hellbed of car was it was an improv bold font no it was a comic Sands it was a full lighting up going no it wasn't a It was a show that would be been done now just regular nigger and

Clan happy the great day for the public I'm gonna say that you're great regular nigger and now we're not gonna do that So Joe yes, we are to you now I would like to know what is the most interesting thing you've ever bought because you deliver you like like have you low your head So it's behind the mic because the lips you've ever bought because you'd live you like like have you low your head so it's behind the mic because the lips It's got an erection Look at those pens like the red shoe diaries. I mean they are really what the hell's a red shoe Joe hey Joe Diary some dumb B movie watching

Hang You know it's amazing No, Tom Hanks is the man with one red shoe my Tom scarats in it or somebody like that It's a big. There's time scarats in the time. Yeah, Tom Hanks. Oh, no, you can see the man with one red shoe Yeah, I was just for you. Hey listen. Yes Yo, I put my jacket over a put What do you got I would if I could switch my girlfriend's lips to your lips, I would marry her to the, I mean, that was a great lips.

There you go. I think we just found an episode time. I wish I could, yeah, if I could change your mouth with soda's mouth. Why soda's mouth? I don't know, I don't know. I haven't purchased it. I don't have any money, Bob.

Come on, you've bought it. Here's what I did. Here's what I did. Here's what I just did. My parents, we all go to Maine every year for a week, and this year I paid for the house. Oh, really? What do you mean?

What is, I'm excited. We go there for a week. Is it an A-frame? It's a 9400 bucks. Is it an A-frame on your job? Oh, you mean you're marming it along? I'm joking, it's like 1200 bucks. That's dope.

How long? It's a week. It's a week house, and it's a me and Sarah. So it's not stable? What do a week. It's a week house. And it's the me and Sarah. It's not stable What do you mean? It's a week house How long go did you book it though? Did you have the book and wait in advance to get it over there every year They have to stay in the same house every year, so they have like a deal with the guy before after you got a Main I don't know. I've been to Maine. I like Maine man. Maine's a little lobster situation. Beautiful. The only one syllable state.

Ooh. Also has more coastline than California. What do you Gary Galman, you working on a bit? Haha. The only one syllable, wait a minute. That's a good one. It does make you think, though, for a hot thing. I like it.

Fun facts. Um, so anyway, I paid for the house. So that was like my big boy purpose. That is, let me tell you something. That is an amazing thing that you did. I'll tell you why. because your family has been... It's probably... Is your family born?

I don't want to talk about it on there, but, you know. They were not doing great. They were very accepting of me paying for the house. Shout out to GoFundMe. But why don't you take that t-shirt money and give it to your parents Well, I like to get it. How do I get it? Oh, yes, I'm a good one. Why don't I give it to you and then I'll just take it? What does that mean? That means I'll pay you cash and I'll just take the money to check

That's what we're getting at you finally get her get cash today. Let's go back to good fellows This reminds me of fucking what the fuck I've been talking about. That's what I'm talking about And then you look over to Leota you know what you probably gonna have to do that every year now you probably stepped into a good old I have to do that I'm like if you keep that yeah that's a good thing to be able to go I hope that day comes where you can't do it that one year in between stuff yeah and they're like Joe I got the place like I move this to our mom we're gonna have to move it to Hampton Beach. That's where my wife's from. Hey, she.

Oh, wow. That's a great fact. Oh, yeah, that was random. Hampton Beach. I used to love Hampton Beach when I was a kid. I went for a day and there. Well, you can see no arm, man. I love Hampton Beach.

It was nice. Ten hamster. It was like 45 minutes from Boston. I remember I was up there in my Mike What was it my 1968 Chevy Impala? 67 Chevy Impala man, Uncle gave me four doors. It's just a hunk of shit It was like purple was red, but turned purple over the years. Right before it came it turned purple I met some chick in the car next to me in traffic

on the boardwalk street there, you know, it's blocked. I met this blonde, I fuck, she was from Athol. Yeah. I remember Athol was way out in the country. Yeah. And I was so pretty, man. So gorgeous.

I was in love. I was like, oh my God, I can't believe I, I picked her up. We were both in different cars. Is she game, I go, yo, give me a number. She gave me a number. I call that we talked. I went all the way.

She lived in a farm. She didn't have a TV. Nice. She had two little brothers and sisters. There was just a room with a wooden bench. We walked out on the farm and I'm like, I'm gonna marry a farm bitch. I'm gonna marry a farm bitch.

Like this is the best shit ever. And we went off a lunch and I got a salad because that's when I was dying in. I was really trying to get in a fine bitch. Like this is the best shit ever. And we went off a lunch and I got a salad because that's when I was dieting. I was really trying to get in a real trip because I gained, that was my first fat, my first real fat and I was coming down off of it. I was eating salad. She goes me too.

I was like, really? She goes, yeah, I just dropped a little way to go, no shit. And she shows me a picture of her. It was just this. Ah. Brother, it wasn't me a picture of her. Oh. It was just this. Ah. Brother, it wasn't even the same human being. Wow.

This chick had brown hair, and it wasn't some fucking ponytail on the top of her head. And she was sitting there with a chip at a picnic table with a bag of chips. The picture she shows people is her eating a chip. She's a mouth, she's a fucking moose. She's living another life. So she lost like a hundred pounds. She lost, yeah, hundred pounds. She's got a little way. She had a chip in one hand, sat eyes, and then hand her the other on a hot day. You can see the sweat there for her. And I literally was like, look, what the fuck is this?

And then we went into the woods and we started making our own music. And I remember I took it to be a fuck. Great movie by the way. I took it like titties out and they were fucking long. They were just fucking long. Oh man, it was terrifying. Her back.

They were like a map of it all. A buffer. A buffer box was all fucking, it looked like she had like nine kids. I remember gagging. I was like, oh no. It was the fucking worst man. I felt so, I was just like, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, I was gonna marry an actual first.

I was gonna, I was gonna, I swear, I was gonna, I swear, I was gonna, I thought I was gonna be living on a farm. I was gonna quit the business. I was gonna live. He went to Iowa's, I was gonna, I swear. I swear to God, I thought I was gonna be living on a farm. I was gonna quit the business. I was gonna live on a farm, race, fucking cow. I thought you were gonna turn out to be a ghost. I didn't even realize. I was gonna be a ghost. I was gonna be a ghost.

I was gonna be a ghost. What you were saying, like, that you go back to the farm and you're like, she has a minion, 20 years. I was like, 20 years. I was like, 20 years. I ain't like, I fucked a ghost, Robert Kelly. I was like, 20 years. I was like, 20 years? I fucked a ghost, Robert Kelly. Oh shit.

Fuck you dude. This is a classic, classic up. Oh my god. This is what you need. A couple real good comedians in Australian, you get a good show. You know? It's the old formula. That is the old formula, actually. It's gonna be in that chair and whatever.

She hear from me. I knew her from Kelly, did she talk to you? She actually sent me an email last night. Uh oh, I did a broadcast. Okay, here's her, this is my room. I remember the first time I was on. Here's where she went wrong, okay? Cause I know, I you know look we are New York City Communions

There's no bullshit with us. We can smell it a mile away last night when I You know he call me on that horse shit fucking dumb fan now But there's the only thing that bugs me now. That's his thing with me. He do material all right 19 times is enough on well, Well, that's an intro conversation. That's what that is. Yeah, why is it? What's your name? What's your name?

But he, you know, like he immediately goes, what do you do? You know what I mean? Like, I was, I was, I just, I wasn't doing jokes. I just said something funny. But I should have just shut my mouth. It took to hit me like whatever, right? And then when cotton came out of shit,

you're black. Can I talk to you? I should have just fucking shut my fat pie hole, but I didn't, you know, and we can just smell, you know, we call each other and I'll share immediately, immediately. And then, so I got to see you in the last night, and I'll, can I read it?

Greed, oh, should I read it? Is it long? Is it really long? No, because I, we've, should we have Jason read it in his accent? I love puppy! I love, I love you, I love, really long. It's not because I we've. Should we have Jason read it in his accent? Hello, Bubby. I love you, Diff. Well, here's the problem.

Here's the problem. Here's the problem. I love Kelly, first of all. Let me just say. I said, who? You're kind of like ginger. Ginger Megs. Okay, we go ready.

Okay, listen to me. Okay, here we go. Ready? Focus. Bobby, no, me. It's short for her, but it's long. Ready? Hey mate, I want to fucking, I really want to throw my phone. This is the title.

The first two words. Is that your hey mate? Is she still overseas? She's in Australia, yeah, yeah. Oh, of course, I'm going a bit crazy here now. Affirming why I left. I know you are super busy, but I would love to do a podcast with you. Yeah, that's what I have time for, more podcasts in my life. I've been doing a bunch

lately with NYC people. We Skype and you just record your, she's telling me how you'd, I invented the shit, okay, stuff. And then email to me and I mix it. I know how it fucking works. I fucking have a podcast. Can you reply to all of your emails like this forever? Just reply on the podcast. But I know with the show coming out in two weeks,

okay, you probably crazy, I'll leave it with you to see how you go, okay, great. Here, now, here's where she loses me. Ready? Also, advice. Amy Schumer is coming to Australia. 20 seconds in July. I want to ask her to be on the show.

I said, you guys are mates. Do you have any advice on how the best approach her? Do you have any advice? She wants you to ask her. That's cool for me. Well, I mean, you put the thing in front of me. Like, I want you to do my podcast. Like that's some type of cake. And now we cake. And I'm like, this is good cake.

So put my podcast. You might as you clean my kitchen. You help me move. Also, she doesn't know Amy too well. No, but I think he is not doing that show. Or any show. Amy's not doing that. That doesn't pay under $30,000. Amy's not doing my show.

No. I'm not gonna do it at the last comic he has. I hope. I thought you were gonna ask. I hope you make it all the way. To try to open for Amy or something like that. I'm gonna say that. Well look, here's a deal.

You don't fucking ask another comic to ask a more famous comic friend of theirs to a fucking, hey, can you do me a favor this other, you just fucking let that shit happen. No, if you meet them, if you can be on Owen J. Yeah, I can't ask. Sorry, I interrupted your thing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

I'm glad you did. I need to be interrupted more on the show. That's the actual things I've been getting from the fans. No, but it's, no, no, no, no, no, I'm glad you did. I need to be interrupted more on the show. That's the actual things I've been getting from the fans. No, but it's like, come on, I see, you wanted, the end part was the email. The beginning part was. You read the end part first and then.

Yeah, and then she was like, oh, I can't do this. Just fucking say, can you help me get Amy on the show? That's the email. Hey, I want Amy on my show. Can you help that? She's coming to town. And I replying, no, go fuck yourself. Is that what you did?

No, I never, I never fucking- Just then, I just think right now, she's listening. Are you gonna say no? I'll tell you why I'm not. Okay. People please it. I'll tell you why I'm not. Yeah, I'm a people pleaser, man.

It's from my shitty, my mom's crappy fucking. You should do it. You should go. They want you. You're grandma. And they don't. People don't care if you coming on you can say no to people and they really don't give a fuck if it hey what can you want to go hang out I can't okay they'll find something else to do we're adults we're not

little kids that get lonely I mean I all the till last night I was supposed to come in and meet this guy and he wasn't even here. I just stayed all night waiting. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Scupa as a problem saying that that's why I'm in the show That was fun. Yeah, I like it Can you blow your nose with this?

I want you DNA on it I earned it under your t-shirt. I'd say what would please me is a 279 dollars and 337. How is it? 79 that was 70 it was 279 right? It was 277 277 277 of him his cut does that mean that every shirt is 279 277 of him his car does that mean that every shirt is 279 My mother bought it that's why I'm paying for the house This expensive thing I have a boy What about you scopo hair gel I only have anything to buy so

Like I have anything I mean I did buy you a car that's least I mean, I did buy- You're a car? That's the least. I have a least car, please. But I did do something stupid. I was with Lewis, and I was only making like, two-pick. Well, you go right there, that was the end.

Exactly. I think it was making $250 for the gig, and then I went like shopping, or I was just walking around, so I were a pair of sneakers. I was like, I need the sneakers, and then I bought them, it was like $125. So, I spent half my money on the sneakers.

I once signed a Providence Comedy comedy connection check to a stripper Wow, I didn't show you 50 bucks and I got two dances and I signed the check over to her hilarious I Signed the back of it just cash I would sign it to you we're gonna load down strip club was as much as she took it Providence I'm not sure how it's on it to you. We're gonna load down strip club as as much as she took it. I know. Providence, it's in Providence, isn't it?

No, it's like a shit hole. Yeah, was this in the 80s? You're gonna check it in here. I signed the back of it. I gave it to you. You can cash it. You could write pay to the order of Joe Wist, whatever. I'm signing it.

Yeah, what did you pay to the order of sparkles? Are you fucking shitting me? I never signed a check over anyone before. I used to get that comment. No, I don't think people do it like that anymore. Really? I don't think that's time you sign to check over to somebody I have to sign checks all the time to go to my man

Business but that's business though. Hopefully today But sign a check that's made out to you to somebody else. Yeah, I've never done that right. I didn't you Did a deli once That equals out actually. We had a strip club in New York to Delhi. You were the only one that you would have. That was a 754 sandwich. I thought you did it on a bar before?

You even do it on a bar? Bar's were known for doing it for years, years, years. But they'll cast checks for you. Signed over checks. Yeah, it's very sad when you see an old lady at the food store. And she takes her checkbook out. And she's signing it. cheats weird to see that. Because every I mean you look at what I mean phones now are credit cards.

Yeah I mean watches a crack. She has a rotary phone you know that. But we're not talking about writing a check out. We're talking about signing a check. I know I just say I segwayed into it. I got you. I'm segwaying into check. you should buy one of those segway That's my good purchase. Are you cheap in the strip club?

Cheap or do you are you go home? Are you a trick in the strip? Do you spend a lot? No, I don't I don't spend much here Here's the thing for me with strip club. I haven't gone in a long time You tell us the thing for you with strip club. Sure. I haven't I know first of all have been broke all my life, but I just like seeing the girl Negan I don't like a lap dance I don't really need a lap dance. I like the dollar. I sit at the stage and put a dollar and the girl right at the stage Yeah, you'll sit there. You won't even walk up to you sit there now sit at the stage and you need to throw a dollar down

How often you throw a dollar? I do it every time they come like every so once a lap One dollar is a lap. Yeah, just one dollar? Yeah, one dollar per level. So the one dollar when they're clothed. Per lap. When they're tits are out, one dollar when they're naked. But three dollars per girl. Now do you give a closer, like when they leave and do you throw another dollar down? If you like them.

Maybe if they do something special or whatever they take my glasses and rub them a tits, so what are the fuck they do? So basically when they come out, dancing you give them a dollar. Which a lot of guys don't do until they're shirtless. So then you do titties, a dollar, that's two. Yeah. Pussy, asshole, not a dollar, right?

Yes. And then when they're leaving, is it a four dollar thing or a three dollar thing? Yeah, it's a three dollar. It depends how they work. So nothing on the exit. The last tip was to ask and yeah. On the back of the check.

Yeah, but usually they come, there's a usually a guy over there. So when the girl comes to me, I put a dollar down. She does a little business and then takes off what's happening Not any business. Oh, all right. You're pointing. Yeah, three dollars hurt and supposed to do a lot of Laptop situations because I think that that's where you lose all the money 30 bucks. I fucking hate strip clubs. I hate them. I fucking think it's, it's to go to a strip club is the fucking dumbest thing you do. Me too, I never go to the side of it. I've dating stripers, they fucking hate you.

They think you're a fucking piece of fat meat and they, all of it, you're just a money to them and they fucking, and to go in there and to suspend reality, like it's some science fiction movie, is fucking horseshit to me. They fucking hate you. They're dating some asshole that is way better

than you physically and financially, and they want nothing. And the ones that do maybe like you are fucking lunatics. They all hope to dream of fuck like somehow there, you know, I'm gonna be in real estate. I'm gonna be this is just temporary. Oh, you're just a fucking, you're using your pussy and your titties to get it,

to make cash a lot of it and just own that. Stop telling me that I'm doing this for something else. Cause it's bullshit. But I have some girls do on that. Stop telling me that I'm doing this for something else. Because it's bullshit. I had some girls do that. Oh, I think there's a lot of girls that in college towns, they make, they pay for their school. Yeah, that's a lot of them. But most of them don't.

Most of them don't. Well, I had a buddy who used to think he could take this, every time we go, he was gonna take the stripper home. Oh, yeah. And then one thing goes, I think I should ask her, she needs to ride home and I'm like, yes, do it.

She's like, she really likes us. She doesn't have any asks her and she backs away from him, like a cartoon. Well, if you're a bum bum, well no, like if you step over a line, it's like, wait a minute, you just showed you fucking boxed to me for $3, right? And then I said, do you want me to give you a ride home?

And I'm a, I'm scary. I'm the pervert. Yeah. I'm fucking out of line. I don't think I'm really out of line for thinking that maybe you just pretended You liked me. Yeah, you screwed me up. You screwed me up. You flirted with me with you pussy out with you Just ripped your pussy up on my fucking my reading glass. You know what happened? You once I went to a strip club in Long Island, New York called Taste of Honey Okay, I know

I know exactly. It's all about the donut shop. You always sign, don't go to the check. And I got a shirk love from this black chick that was, this is like 15 years ago and she was gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. And in the middle of it, she's like, you're cute. You look like a guy I went to school with. It turned out I went to college with her. It was a girl I went to college with. turned out I went to college with her. I went to college with she was in my sociology class

Yeah, and then she we just started talking and the half the song was done So literally we're talking for half the song and I still had to The worst thing ever I heard a degree did not work out. Yeah, yeah, that happened to me in Rhode Island twice Twice you the shiver with it was a girl. I knew I used to go to the Tannigs salon, Sexy Bobby. I used to go to the Tannigs salon. Sexy Bobby. And she used to work there and we became really good friends. And no, seriously, so I went up one day and I went to strip club Cheetahs in Rhode Island. My favorite, my favorite strip club if I was gonna go to anyone because they would

just fucking dirty girls and she was there. She popped her, I didn't know if she just all of a sudden popped her fucking hat out the cool titties came out and she looks at me like she went bobby and she ran off stage and she asked me to leave. She's like I can't do this. Oh wow, man. So I had to leave and I was all bummed out.

Second time, I brought my friend for a back of the body for a street food. Fucking Joe Yonetti. I brought him up to her. She is for a back to the body for the street fucking Joe Yanetti I brought him up to she does for his bats a party We're sitting there this girl comes out. Oh my god smoke and puts our head between her legs to show me your asshole But it's this fucking chick. I knew from d. Y. When I was in juby all when I got out I went and spoke in front of the Congress and it with this girl and we wound up fucking though We wound up fucking in her hotel that night. No, no, no

We were both like she was like I think she was 18. I was 19. She had turned 18 18 and 14 when you went to Mexico. This is at the strip club. We wanted to speak at the Senate Okay, we're at the I just met her we flew in together, but I know we were sitting at the table Italian Japanese So we're I'm at the axis of evil. I'm at in 1944. I'm at the Canon building in Washington DC with the Congress and the Senate. I'm talking to one of them sitting with Janet Reno. Wow. Okay. And she's a cock block. Robert Kennedy's daughter. Wow. Right. And a couple of more centers, right? What's that? Rory? No. Kathleen, I believe. So I'm sitting there. I mean, this is the most crazy shit I've ever done in my life. Okay. Yeah. And me and her

are just sitting there looking at each other with fuck eyes. She's flirting me the whole time. Jan and Reno is asking me, I'm like, yeah, whatever, fuck a Mrs. Reno. Just like my dad. No, no, no. We have counselors that took us like from the places we're in. And we went back to the room and we're like, we're just gonna watch TV.

She was in pajamas. So she goes, we're just gonna watch TV together. Like, okay, guys, all right, well, don't see up too late because we got to fly, okay. Soon as they left, I was just finger blasted in the bathroom she was just sucking my dick on sucking it going oh no I shouldn't and then going like though like it was like me with like a popsicle you know like I shouldn't it's not a it's no sugar no grape

It was great dude crazy never saw again. Yeah, I'm at the strip club. She pops her legs through a fucking head She's stripping After that blowjob she that was the downward spiral right there She want a bash you want to fucking be impumped out for a while Janet Reno did I retain the Fuck you dude black joke matter With me black Joe Let me tell you all Black Joe's matter Black Joe's matter Black

Black Did I ever tell you what? Micah's shirt, my friend Micah and I were at a strip club in Zachary's down in Mashpee You ever go there? I don't mashpee This is like fun rocker Zachary is still there

It's the worst name for it I've ever heard of fucking Teleta Icepee plays it It's a horrible strip club Zachary is still there the worst name for yeah Fudge bar ice cream place. Yeah, it's a horrible Zacharies we got to be like we're going Zacharies It's a good name because that way you can be like we're going to Zacharies and people like oh Gay guys are going to Zachary Mike and I are there like doing the afternoon with the only two guys in there and We're sitting there and this trip. It comes up and we're just goob's were being silly we're sitting there and this trip comes up and we're just goops. We're being silly.

This is years ago and the girl comes up and Mike just goes, hi Linda. And he's just trying to be funny. And she's like, how do you know my name? He just nails it. She's like, how do you know my name? And I go, you have a nice house. And the lady, she got so free.

She's freaked out and backed up and told. And they threw us out of the club. They got the guy that you got to go. Yeah, that's fun. I remember I used to go to strip clubs in Boston with Patrice and used to hack all of them. Oh my god. You're like, yo bitch, what's up with your shins? I don't know.

Who would have their shins shoot a specific echo? She'd be like, what's wrong with my shins? I don't know, man. You're a little thin, like, what the fuck happened to that leg? That leg's different than that. What am I doing there? Did it explain him when I was a kid?

I was, there was something actually wrong with her. You know what I mean? He's dredging up the deepest, darkest secret she has. I fucking, I just can't stand them. I'd rather just, if I was gonna be a creep, I'd rather just go get a hand job. They're only worth a while in your 20s. That's when you go.

But when are they full-hot, though? What do you, I don't get, what do you, what do you, what do you, what? First time I went, I got it. I was like, a creep I'd rather just go get a hand job. They're only worth a while in your 20s That's when that's when you go another for what though. What do you I don't get? Well, it's not like when I got it. I was like, wow, this is crazy Yeah, but okay, you see the chick naked, but if you're fucking you see a chick's naked right right and you get in a fuck Well, I don't I just don't get it that these guys Love strip clubs like fucking love I know right now, and I don't fuck How the fuck I think that you know have bullshit I think that's's almost like a thing they don't want to seem like they're It's such a creepy vibe though. Here's the thing you go to a place where you don't talk to your friends

And you just a bunch of guys sitting there watching a chick get naked She's so disconnected. She's like a she's like a Brazilian hooker They're just looking in the mirror at themselves Watching themselves spend and dance. They literally disconnected from what the fuck they are doing. Now you have to see this girl just looking at herself in a mirror and you're supposed to throw money at her and if you don't give her money,

she's gonna give you a fucking attitude. You're a piece of shit. And if you do give her money, she's gonna pretend like you and now you think you actually have something You're still gonna go home going fuck I got nobody. I'm nothing We can just go pay a hooker to suck you dick for half the money True my two cents man put my sense in half

Yeah I'm too much you don't know the strip club. I got twenty dollars hooker. Okay I want to eat the whole white stuff in the corner Shit I'll go dirty knuckles. He's talking about Zachary. That's where he's talking about Here's my two cents and I haven't gone to a strip club in a long time a couple years now I wish it was you fucking two seventy two Whatever it was two thirty nine 272 whatever it was 279 thanks 33 Anyway, you guys you guys went down. God right

My always thing was like the strictly I didn't I wasn't when these guys it goes there and be like I'm gonna get I'm gonna score a girl and I'm gonna try to fuck a hooker I'm gonna get hard on and jerk off or whatever the fuck I'd go that we're all hanging out drinking beers So we'd go I usually go during the day. I'm sorry for, hang on one second. I'm sorry for everybody listening that I keep doing that. My sinuses are so bad. They're so fucking bad. I have such a crazy fucking crazy headache.

And so I apologize for doing that for the people listening. It's gross to serve people. It's gross to me sometimes. So we would go there, we're gonna be hanging out anyways. So we would go during the day, we would always go to the ones there, the one of Neveritt and the other one, King Arthur's. Yeah, King Arthur's. And the first one, King Arthur's is the worst.

The worst. You know that you have a flyover, a city, and you see all those gas, the oil, big things, and the gas and the flame coming. Like an Elizabeth and your journey. Okay, put a strip club in the middle of that. No Joe, right. In the middle of that, there's a strip club called King Arthur's, like you're driving through the flames and fucking oil and trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr You got to be kidding me. And you go in and it's the worst fucking jersey.

You got to try to throw a sword out of a pussy or something. There was a place in Long Island called Bear Nassessis. Hang on a second. I'm sorry, one second. I didn't miss that. You cut off my bone. What did you say? I said, what do you, King Arthur's,

what are you going to go in there and try and pull a sword out of the pussy or something? That would have been funny. If it was funny. No, it was funny. That's the end of it, actually. No, it was funny. That's the end of it actually. That was the end of it. I thought it was funny, dude. It was bad livery.

Here's your confidence fucked you up. It did, dude. Because you had A.V. pull a soul, and you looked at me so out of the turn of the game. You looked at me. You should have waited until Santa was done talking. And then you go like, you get a... I fucked it.

King Arthur's where you're pulling souls out of out of the proceed then I would like and yeah Good Say this small hat no I was Can wear flat like one of those Babe Roozats There was a place in my own credit card hat Yo, fill this out Fuck you That was a credit card

I said credit that's why you didn't get it I'm not gonna talk about the strip club now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was called Baron Assassin. By the way, you're shooting on Zachary. This place is called Baron Assassin. But they are the B-A-R-E necessities. They're the accessories that play on...

There's an accessories in fucking ping-off. This is like a Baron book. There's an accessory that sounds like an old, old, fat gay guy. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things.

There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things.

There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of things. when I can't take the pain anymore for my back. That painful sundial. Two hour from the show. When my bell buckle is digging into my fat.

What do we got in the chat room? Nothing. Ah, fuck them. What? I got nothing ready to go. Go to the fucking chat room. How many fucking times? Deepo, just read something.

Upstairs neighbor says, credit card hat. Like you get a free hat when signing up for the card That's good Read was it the thing he said it was terrible. I'm not gonna go against you because I don't want you to be right Andrew Jackson says Bobby's on fire right now. I that's a good one. Why can't we get good stuff? Why does it mean shit? I just like the way he reads the chat. I'm kind of addicted to it Napsters neighbor says the video has been out of sync for the last 30 minutes. What I'll get a better fucking internet feed

Upstairs neighbor is that also that I think it's on their end. Okay. What else you got? Buddy see buddy says just reload the page of the video feed is lagging All right, man, listen you guys are fucking this is this flew by man. This is a fucking great show We're gonna wrap it up. We got a few minutes here, but let's go around the room. We know what you have. What do I got? It's Jesus Christ.

Wow. What the fuck is that? I got San Diego Comic-Con next week. I'm there. Oh, no shit. I'm fucking there Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Me too. Are you at a booth?

Yeah, I'm signing at the universal booth on Thursday a booth And I'll met the National Cartoon Society Can I come see you are you gonna give me something? I'll give you something. We are selling something for me I gave some I gave some for that was Can you get Amy Schumer on her part? Yeah, let me give her a call. She's a friend of mine. Yeah, get hands off. What's it called? Keep your hands off Get your hand off it. What does that mean? I don't get it means like if you're getting don't listen of yourself If it means you can do it yourself like it's like I'll get you hand off it

Australian thing. Yeah, all right listen Here's a deal if you listen to my show you remember Kelly for stuka go check out a podcast go check it out Get your hand off it give us some support and maybe tell Amy you guys the fans tell Amy that she should go on on Kelly's podcast Hey Kelly baby. I can't I can't I can't be rousing endorsement I will go listen to a podcast and check her out support her, but I'm not getting I'm not asking hey Amy Would you know she also emailed president Obama as well after Mark got that on so very ambitious. How great would it be if he did it? Seriously?

Seriously? Yeah, it flew there and did it. She wants to come back to New York shredded and famous. I would literally point to scope and go ah. She's throwing some rhythm. You see fucking, Louis J. Gomez going, Kelly, I could open for you. If you want to come on Hammerfist. All right, so, uh, Comic Con next week. We're going next week. I'll be there.

Great, I'm doing a table read at the Simpsons of following week, up in LA. Wow! Are you going to be on the show? I'm not allowed to say, that's all I'm allowed to say the move, but follow me on Twitter and you can see more shit. So I'm glad we're friends. Yeah, that shows peeking right in. I'm right in front, right? Deepo, nice job.

Deepo, come on everybody. Thank you very much. I hear this hit one from the floor. Good luck Jason. I'm sitting here in right field right now. I bet you somebody wrote it in the chat room. Depot says. I do have some thoughts on my own if you ever want them.

Wow you're fucking really taking it down. I'm good. You want to put a rich law school economy. Alright so yeah check it out. I saw him in the fucking streets and I'm like you're going to come on the show. You gotta stop. You can go the way he does Instagram. He's so bad at Instagram.

He's post like 19 photos. Yeah, I'm bad. Adam's ping, ping, ping, ping, ping. I'm amazing at Instagram. Jellist comedy. I'm real fomin' at it. I'm pretty not that good. What?

D-Lam and Tom Macy. D-Lam and Tom Macy. Yeah, I'm pretty good as well. What's your Instagram? What's your? Mine is Jason Chatfield and my Twitter is Jason underscore chat underscore Okay, there you go. What do you got? Where am I at I'm at a good old stand-up New York on Thursday, right? I'm at a Shit I'm at a doing comedy at Central Park on Sunday

Bucket Maybe It might be me gather around gather around showtime Put your hands up. I'm at the cello on Friday night too. I'm here Friday night. Friday night. So I'll probably see you. I'm gonna be the last motherfucker. Make sure right now you go to comedy seller. Depot. Depot. Depot. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Jesus Christ man. Depot. You got these at the actually merch table. Riot Table. Go riotcast.com, you can buy one of these lovely Robert Kelly live at the Villa

Jonna ground. And Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, go to the Villa Jonna ground, right at the door there, you can buy one of these lovely comedy socials, which I have one of. And you can purchase them 20 something bucks, I think. Well, you're going to go to to comedy show online and get these shirts? So, there you go. So, come see us this Friday night at the comedy show.

There you go, and then I got a podcast call in the conversation, so check that out. And who's that with? That's me, my man, Vladimir Kamaly, and Ali Muhammad, man. These are some friends of mine. Good shit. That's a fucking scary show. Absolutely, Vladimir and Muhammad. They're gonna blow up. They're gonna blow up.

They're gonna blow up, sir. How the fuck in Google searches you get? Let me attach to that show. Watchlist show. Yeah, I know shit. I'm gonna fucking not, my thing, I take my TSA approved the way, if I do, though.

I had no hope for that do you got, Sandy? I have, besides cookies. I know cookies. I have a whole sleeve of cookies. You could call them. I have a call. I have a call. I have, I'm at Shawnee time on, uh,

on top of that. You're secretly, you have a gig, you know? That is a travel told, anybody. You knew that already. I've said that before. You're saying it, it makes me get, that's not a Shawnee time. Like you're a gay career. You know, you know, you knew that already. I've said that before. You're saying it makes me get a shani-time, like you're a gay clown as well as the recorders.

You know, on Instagram, I have bears follow me on Instagram. You should, look at you. I know. You should have bears and real bears fall you to the woods because they can smell donuts. So, at Shani Time on Instagram and Twitter. And then I'll be doing a face be the seller on Facebook as well. Hey, it's Shiny Time.

I want to be Gene Simmons from Kiss. Go ahead, too far. And then I just didn't add up. I'll be with the, uh, that's why I'm jokes too many. That was my first face, face painting thing. It tops Park as Spice of Fields in spice of fields. I went in six. I thought it was a bad one. One of my 50s you, she had fuck.

What else you got? No, I'll be you to sell it this weekend. I'm here too. And then at the end of July I'll be at Comedy On State and Madison was kind of tall. One of my favorite clubs. Yeah, my first time there I'm excited. Listen to me about that. You've been there Dave. I was just like two three weeks ago That club the hotel's awesome right down the street the club's great. Okay. I heard you like a fucking tornadoes

For the steak piece you go to tornadoes for the steak The rib eye over there you got to get there early It is fucking off. It's like going back in time. Oh my Frank Sinatra would go there. Oh wow Dean and Sammy could go to Was in the north Who can what you say? The Civil War joke on my show It was you ever post got what's it called? My dumb friend. Cupcakes and lovers.

My company. It's called Bear City. No, it's called. What's it called? My dumb friend. Should get your friend. Bear City. I did on your fucking show.

Yeah, I know. And you fucked me. I did not fuck you. We didn't fuck you. You sound like fuck me. Well. Because I'm on the show. It's a hundredth episode.

I finally go, you go. I do it. I come show. It's a hundred episode. I finally go, you good. I do it. I come in. I fucking run over there. I park my car. I go in the fucking sound system stinks. I know. I had in the room. It did. It recorded well.

Recorded good, dude. I'm telling you. It came out good. The recording. And I thought I was on the whole show. You had me on for 10 minutes. I got you out of there. You want, come on.

You didn't want to stay for an hour and a half. I talked to you. I always looked at the side of the shit. We had you on for 25 minutes. You ever fucking 25 minutes? I thought I was doing an hour. You said. Yeah, you on his palm, pop, pop, was waiting in the wings.

Like he's better than he closed. I got you out of there. You know you ain't get me out of the sound suck. You got me out there quick. Joe, what do you got there, Adam, you know you really gave me the sound suck. You got me out there quick. Joe, what do you got there, gorgeous hair? Hey, dog. That's about it. I'll be doing my triumphant return to comics at Foxwoods, July 30,

on August 1st. That's a journey. Jesus Christ. How many days are you there? Rooster T feathers out in Sunnyvale. Oh, yeah. By San Fran, about an hour from San Fran, next to Stanford. No, that's not the same thing. San Jose, I don't know. I have a little

russum shit. I think I know. Rooster T feathers in a good place. Great place. September 17th through the 20th and oh, Nelly, rumors in Winnipeg. That will be October 6th. That's a lovely town. Through the, I'm there for a month and a half. There's nothing much going on in that town. Yeah, I'll be in a great club though. I'll be in a basement in Winnipeg next to a fucking Starbucks. You know the whole town's underground, right? No. And the winter.

Brother, in the winter, if you look at any hotel, like I'm in the hotel, right, you go downstairs to the basement. You walk and it's the mall, all the stores are underground because it gets so fucking windy and cold up there that everything's underground. Montreal has that too.

The tunnels, yeah, Montreal, but Montreal, they did it a little cooler. Everything's up, but you can go down to come up. Winnipeg, it's kind of like everything's down. It's like an Applebee's and Winnipeg reminds me of like, you know when they did sci-fi movies back in the like 70s, you know what I mean? Yeah, what that would be now. That's what it is like walking through a 70s sci-fi set. That's what the stories look like.

Everybody through? Yep. I also have a podcast very very successful podcast. Two days with Murray! Two days with stories. Oh, sorry. Come on, Zunab, you want to plug peace love and rock and roll? We'll have a- It's sex drugs and rock and roll. I like that you took it right guys. It's a two guys Come on at what love to have you on but you're not gonna come on give me let's be honest here Why I'm like when do you want me to go on? 100th episode We have a hundred episodes. Anyways, Tuesdays with stories and you know I'll hit me on Twitter at Joe list list comedy and instagram i'm killing it over there

at joe list comedy what do you got scope of go to deepwood deepwood you got first oh you can follow me at r2 deepwood on social across the board i'm also broadcasting on periscope and on twitch and i also archive all the broadcasts on youtube so you can check those out okay and from now on he's gonna make mine bigger than his on that. Go back to that last screen, please.

Yeah, you do not, you're not bigger than me. This is just like, you know, hey, to get you. You are never bigger than me, Scope. What you name again? Deepo. Deepo has his camera, literally this big, and everybody else is like this big. I'm in wide screen, he's in like letterbox, right?

All right, okay, what do you got for you, Scopeo? The Uncle Vinnie's July 31st and August 1st. I'll be there featuring. Great. Cool. And I don't know. That's some guy. That's good. You're getting out of your box. You're doing it on your own. Yeah. And then follow me on Twitter at Chris Scopo. And then Bobby's dates. July 16, 17th and 18th.

Gotham Comedy Club in New York. Get those tickets. Yeah. They can do a screening. The 16th, 17th and 18th. Gotham Comedy Club in New York. Get those tickets. Yeah, they can do a screening. The 16th, you should do a screening. We're doing a screening on the 14th. They have the premier party on the 14th. I don't think they're doing a screening.

But we're going into Comic Con, the 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, 13th. Come back on the 13th and then the 14th, we do the premier party in New York City for sex drugs and rock and roll and then that weekend I'm working at Gotham the It the show comes out. Yeah, you should make a premiere of the 16th. Yeah, I should now just call effects now Well, fuck you it's gonna air on TV see I can't I don't have fucking I can't just do premieres You can't get prints of it. Yeah, what the fuck is wrong?

Yeah, you in this business. Oh You should just get on Rosie You is Rosie that was my Famous you get the You'll become a Show notice your The show comes out on July 16th, you should go into the basement room

and air it on the TV's in the bar. Yeah, I mean, look, because I can just get, I have the rights to it. You can't just get the rights to air on TV. It's put it on the TV, so. You want me to go, I'm doing shows. Is one show that night? I'm on Thursday night?

I think so. All right, maybe we will then. That's a good idea. It's great idea. It's great idea.. I'll do it with last comic standing July 22nd on NBC. My belt buckle is killing. One is two. All right, go ahead. What else? Then you're at the comedy cove in Springfield, New Jersey July 24th, 25th, and governors August 7th in Bohemia, and then August 8th in Belmore. I'll be at Senators. Wow.

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