Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Black Keith and the Bitch

Episode Date: February 10, 2014

Robert is joined by Keith Robinson, Chemda, Rich Vos, Pat Dixon, Taylor Ketchum and Chris Scopo. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovecharte del 3 por uno en medianas a domicilio solo pidiendo al line. ¿Saparao? 3 por uno, 3 por uno. Ah, no, no, no. ¡Dinoos! Pizza! You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude?

On the Riotcast Network. Riotcast.com. Ah, Lewis. Yeah? How do you shave that little Puerto Rican mustache? You know, usually I buy razor brands. I am not going to name any of the razor brands, but I buy other razor brands.

Are they expensive? They're very expensive. They, I feel like I'm just throwing money at the window usually. Do you know why they're expensive? I really don't even know why they've been... I'll tell you why. I'm gonna tell you, Dan, do you know why?

No, I just, all I know is every time I go to shave my legs, I'm like, I can't keep wasting money on these razors. Yeah, you know why? Cause I gotta pay these gazillionaire athletes, millions of dollars to shave my legs, I'm like, I can't keep wasting money on these razors. Yeah, you know why? Because they're gonna pay these gazillionaire athletes, millions of dollars to do these ads, jump over hoops, and run through the darkness and the rain. It's called slam dunking, and you're a pervert. What sport were you just describing?

The fantasy sport I made out of. Do you want that? Do you want to have a pretty tolerant thing to re-sport groups? Well, that's really why they gotta do this. They gotta pay these millions of does for advertising And that does nothing for Dan's inner thigh. No, and I don't think I think you've confused sports with lion Tayley. I'll tell you what it is. It's a scam. It's a scam. These razors shouldn't cost that much and here

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because the UPS guy won't deliver passages to you because you almost beat him up. But for the rest of us who want savages, we can get him right to our house. Wait, did you say savage? Oh yeah, I gotta shave this beard. So you just kinda like the Netflix for shavers. Unbelievable.

You just come up with that? Yeah, it's quick thinking. And you know what, I think dollarshaveClub.com's blades are actually better than those blades. I know, they're better. And signing up couldn't be easier. Just go to dollarshaveclub.com, pick your razor plan. There's different plans.

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I swear to God. Peppermint ass wipes? You understand peppermint is a healer. A natural hero. So you wipe your ass with Peppermint ass wipes? You understand peppermint is a healer. A natural hero. So you wipe your ass with these peppermint. That's why you have peppermint tea when you're sick though. Yeah, man. It helps your ass. It tightens the pores of your ass.

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Yeah, use it again, all of a sudden, you cut your neck, I shaved my head. I can't even imagine that. I don't believe my wife uses my, my raise, because she doesn't have one, and all of a sudden I got her friggin thick leg hair messing up my blades, not anymore. She does it for you.

Wow, well, not anymore. So, I'm telling you man, I love this company. I switched over, I really did, I love it. I get a razor.com. No, dollar shave club.com. Dollar shave club.com, man. Dollar razor.com, that's a let's phony. So go and say no.

Say no to Big Shave Company, millionaire athlete, ridiculous price that's joined let's phone you so go and say no say no to big shave company millionaire athlete ridiculous price that's join me big shave and the folks you know at the folks what what you gonna say I was gonna say they've control our government for too long okay shave it's true it's true join me in the folks that you know what dude you know what did me join my fans and hundreds of other thousands of guys who've upgraded to smart, the smarter way of to shave, okay? Visit dollarshaveclub.com slash kelly today. Shave time, shave money.

Yeah. Say that. Got it, say it. Shave time and shave money. Go to dollarshaveclub.com slash ke Kelly. That's dollar shave club dot com slash Kelly Make the switch do it be a real-ass dude, right Lewis be a real-ass dude make the switch and have a real smooth ass face Huh, I just thought of that one. That's right. Go right now. That's dollar shave club.com slash Kelly today. Smooth ass face. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth.

That was trying to keep it like a comic can. I have plenty guys on. It's just us sitting down and sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's intense. No topics of direction. I love doing it. This podcast has no rules. Can I get a microphone?

I'm sure I've already tensioned it. We're crappy. It's rubber killing. You know what dude? You know what dude? I know what! I guessed. Unboying can't stop.

I can't stop. I'm tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. I'm tied. It's. What's up everybody this is a special edition of the You Know What Dude Podcasts, Chris Gopos, Working Everything By Himself, because Kelly Fistilka had a fucking eight-minute open-mic spot and Long Island City Helps. Yeah, why be on a fucking podcast with a bunch of famous people

Just go do a fucking cave spot somewhere Anyhow, uh, good save, Chris. Thank you. We got a very special Thursday night show. We're gonna do it live, but I'm an eggplant. And I forgot my computer back in Westchester. Let's walk the fuck out. The baby fucked me up.

Yeah. Because I was at the bank. I love you. And then I felt bad because I feel it. And then I left. And then I'm all the way down here. And I'm not going fucking back to West just to get a computer. So there's no live, this is gonna be live.

But I think it's better not live, because we're gonna have beautiful video, no problems, I don't have to worry about shit. I don't have to worry about anything, it's gonna be a fucking great episode, and I'm gonna have it. I'm not gonna have to worry about something cutting out or him hitting the wrong button.

And we get a very special show because of the people that are here. We have To my left should I not you last right? It's the right thing to do. Yeah. Yeah, it's the right thing It's the respectable thing. I mean I've I and I do respect you guys to my right. We have But I don't respect you guys God I should I should do you last that because I respect you I should do you second a lot because I do respect you After them, but before him, okay, so Chris Scopo Is here and then I have Taylor what's happening? Who was on your you were the first time?

Just here like you have a day before yesterday and I and I liked you so much Thank you, but I wanted you so much. Thank you. I wanted you back. You told me I was handsome. That made me feel unconventionally good looking. Big difference. You know what? He gave me that weird compliment also the first time we met. He goes, because somebody said, you know, if there's a girl in the room, are you hitting on her? And he says something like, yeah, I mean, I like women who look weird. Like they have like a weird, interesting look. And I'm just like, I guess that's a compliment. I think he just said something.

Well, he's saying that he likes, he thinks it's sexy that no one else thinks you're sexy. Right. I don't know. What I'm saying is, because I'm right here. Do you have a thing that's just like just for me? Yeah, yeah.

He is right here. So anyways. Anyway, I like a no competition chick. I can't believe you think Taylor's good. He looks like the guy in a western who's about to get shot. I don't like what people think are, you know, what other people, you know, everybody says is beautiful.

Is it really beautiful to me? For some reason. I don't like models. They, it does nothing for me. I like it. I feel you, I just feel that there's a rephrasing in there. I like it, I like it, no. It sounds strangely nose frankly insulting I like a nose I like a fucking weird tooth you like soul you like miss Yeah, I like just look at her face good. I like a weird to know

If the nose is as large as you can tell the chief was raised Jewish. I'm so in Jewish Technically, I have all the body parts I'm in We have to the right we We have Pat Dixon from the popular podcast. New York City crime report. And for once, the most conventionally good looking person in the room, that is rare. Yes, believe me. And the best posture in the room.

I thank you. Yeah, I like to sit up straight, you know, because I've got a lot of lumps in my back. You sitting a chair like it's a stool. Yeah. You know, you're so ugly to Robert Kelly. I know. It's so sad.

It's too bad. Yeah, he likes those unconventional good lumps. You know, the ones that are anybody else hates. You're unconventionally good. Wait a minute, you're not that. You're not conventionally good looking at all. That's just here I am. Dude, when you talk of that vein that comes out

in your forehead, I like that. I like your hairline. Please don't do me. I like your nose. You get a little belly, but you're skinny. I don't like it. Yeah, but me with my shirt off is the most unconventional. You're looking at things like that.

Are you nervous? Why are you tapping your, why is your leg going nuts? It's, I've been eating a lot lately, you know, these little Adderall pills. I can't stop eating them. They're delicious. Are you kidding me? No, I'm not kidding you. Why are you taking that because I'm depressed? Jesus Christ. Don't we go to the same therapist? Yes. What the fuck is he doing? He suggested it. He did not he did so you just got on him Yeah, so you're not used to it yet. No, no, no, I've been on him a while I think I just got on him like just like without considering it and yeah, that's true. Is that a role? The Adderalls with the college kids take to focus. Yeah, I guess so they want to take that a lot in college

Yeah, I didn't know about it in college, you know, I never heard of it I don't think it was that I don't think it was that as widespread back in the back in the 20s Well, you know, you're a little bit older than me, but we're close to the same age, I think. You know? No, it wasn't around early night. Oh, to my left we have... We have a... In the order of respect. Very, very cool people, to my favorite people. I mean, I'm not their favorite, but to my favorites.

And I will get to that, explain that later. You're so pretty. I think I like you more than you like me. Are you talking to me or him? I'm talking to both you as a team, as the Keith and the girl team. Really? I have Keith and the girl here.

Keith being Keith and the girl being Chemna. Hey buddy. And um. Can I interject on that because you said you're not chirping? I was afraid, if you cut to the video of last time you were on our show, I am afraid that if people are watching me, they're watching with hearts coming out of my face. Because yes. Not really you, Hamla.

I see, I knew I wasn't in the face. But it makes me look bad. No, it's not really. But here's something that I learned yesterday. And I made me feel terrible. It fucking made me feel awful Neither one of you were following me on Twitter. I and wait I Follow you so that means you were following me and made a decision

I have not unfollowed anyone the way you're saying it though You're following means nothing you were just falling because I'm out of follow. I was following you because I like you That's the code. There's a code even if you don't like my tweets. You're rants. I mean some nights you go off Some nights I got to hear about this mixtures of sports and Democrats and repot and report and Jesus and it's all mixed into with comic books and there's just what the fuck for nine pay did did did did you and your baby photo and I'm like that's my friend I got you know what I got to take the hit take up my timeline Keith because apparently you got something to say tonight even though I don't agree with any of it I'm gonna fuck fuck it. Let it roll because that's the fucking deal

You understand you yes, I followed you from the get go. I thought I was following you no no no no no no No, so you know what I had to make a decision last night, too, which I didn't want to make right which I felt it brought I'm in my my office in Westchester by myself It brought to I'm in my my office in Westchester by myself Late at night going I just doesn't make sense and then I go to Keith and the girl Way maybe just maybe just the website as a whole maybe as a as a team. They do that They don't you're not even the fucking I thought I follow like no Keith now we have two kids downstairs You're welcome We are the first of all Keith. First of all, we can hear you downstairs. Now we have two keys. Now we have two downstairs.

Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs.

Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs.

Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. Now we have two downstairs. The girl here I saw a bullet let's go Wallsie came in with nothing I was kidding That would be you Can you not ruin a nice podcast? Fuck your podcast We're gonna do what we want

I sit down I'm not sitting nowhere I was talking to him and fucking rich sit down It's like doing the fucking Anne Frank podcast up here. Oh God. You really coming with nothing So so I was talking that they don't follow me on Twitter even if the person stinks if you're friends with them You got to follow you follow boss boss follows you. No, I don't I only follow 20 people me too. I follow you You don't follow me. Please how hard is it to follow you? I Can watch you make y'all make somebody's make it on a comfortable way. Yeah, I think it's it's not false

It's absolutely not you guys know Keith Rob is on the way. Fuck that shit. I want attention and Keith And that's Keith that's chemna from Keith the girl. And that's Pat Dixon. And this is Taylor. Taylor from American Idol. Yeah, American Idol. No. Yeah, he was on American Idol.

All right, whatever. I'm kidding, he's a stand-up comedian, you ask. Oh, I'm just having that. What's happening? What's going on? Why you got like a podcast voice? This is just how I talk. I'm sorry.

All right. He's like, Dan Sout is uncle. Why do you sound nice, Taylor? Why do you give a shit? Oh, shit. That's talk I'm sorry Why do you sound nice Taylor? What give a shit? Oh shit? That's what I'm talking about. I like I knew she'd fucking step up and protect you That's what I do a nice voice Why do you call your beard all nice? Oh Can you can you sit down? I don't want to sit down. I want a hover over. I want to ruin his power. Nobody hovers. What's the right one?

Hover. You fuck idiot. Hover. I want to sit down. Sit down. Stop balking people around. We just want to ruin your pie. Hey, Keith, you look like you've been working out. I have been working out. Do you do any squats? Yes, I can. Can you squat on that right there just so I can see? Ah! Why don't you squat on this, right?

Oh, it's too slow! Oh, no, it's not. They were long. No, it's not. Listen, they call it big boy. Show her a grower. Show her a grower. That's a fuck, listen to me, it's a tree trunk.

Listen to me, listen to me. It's a tree trunk I would love to be on your side if he had a small dick. I would love he has a big boy Kevin Hart Artifuqua you have the list in your brain. There is what's the common thread here Loud on stage No, then rich boss would have a big penis my Keith comes it swings from his cock over the artist That's how big it is. It's good. What's wrong, boss? She is sick you I've never I've never seen you this bad I mean like you you've you've just made everything. No, it is he shaved and it's taking away his fun

Why you in pain talking to the microphone have you done radio? No Talk to the microphone into the mic He's got a sound guy and everything this is fucking just go I have a I have a herniation or something a herniation. Where is it? In my anger. I'm serious. No, what is it right there? We sit down keep the light. We can't see it because it's black. Oh you mother Just sit down and put the headphones on so you know when you're not talking over everybody. I want to talk over I don't want to know We had fun in LA together. What are y'all talking about man? Let's let's figure this out. What's you talking about?

We're talking about how I don't follow him on twitter because you keep talking about his comedian friends penises what fucking uh... follow me follows everybody no one doesn't follow you stop it i swear to go to a state right now is this how we're measuring friends listen we were talking about this the other day on this is what twitter makes us

no okay it's true but listen friends follow friends that's it no matter what that's it that's the rule but then I'll never read your shit I don't care if you read it. I just know that you fucking hit a button and said approve This is what these people do they have separate lists now And so they put who they really want to fall This is what I should do follow everybody and put them in a nothing list And then another list I go to is people I really read. I had to unfollow you. Have I ever texted you and you didn't text me back personally?

Probably. You don't even have my number. I was taking a chance. You know, I have. What's your mind? You don't even, we've never communicated. Who's to say? When somebody swam my fame.

You came in and invited somebody, another comic in front of me to your fun part party on Sunday. And you didn't even fucking look at me, Keith. You have a baby. You have a fucking baby, too, and he's fucking killed babies Wow, wow I thought I was in fun. We've all I have verified on Twitter by the way is anybody else here verified Oh only one person You know how to do that?

It's a secret they won't Sorry, I be it's one pays pays them in verify Find a verified I'm not how many follow your wife is verified and you're not 7000 7000 I got almost 40,000 I got 66 And I got 250 million fall you got fucking not even a thousand you fucking asshole 250 million. What is it? One million below Justin Bieber.

One million. I don't know what I hate when I somebody send my famous followers me or and I look and I see their following 4,000 people. Like I thought I was special that they started following me and then you see they just follow everybody. So if you look, if you were on my Twitter and you saw that I wasn't following you,

would you be like, what the fuck? my Twitter and you saw that I wasn't following you Would you be like what the fuck I would I you know I followed Norton then I started following them again Because I go why wouldn't he follow me? We're like fucking friends forever. Yeah, you know, well maybe you can realize from that That's maybe Twitter is revealing that people in that really a fact what I'm saying. Why would you just like Keith? That's what I'm saying You know, you know what I think this is you know what you guys sound like you guys sound like a girl the day after she slept with someone Why is me calling me I was really good I said it's the most misogynist thing I've ever heard I can't believe you said that it's disgusting so misogynistic

Thank you This one really infuriated me for you Bob. There's what infuriated me about this bitch And I'm gonna just say. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Headphones on because you do the Sonoma and you can you talk over everybody I just did You definitely won here and you always want to just you have the headphones on wait like he talks We can call me a bitch for a reason No, when you said to Robert my good buddy Robert I'll follow you, but I'm not gonna read your shit. I didn't say that you said you wasn't gonna read what he was writing Right, right? I hardly read Twitter anymore. Okay. But um, so you just said that.

I'm not gonna read whatever you say. If I followed you, I would only read your tweets. I would skip everybody else's. Good girl. Yeah. No, she knows how to fucking just move you around the board, huh? I love it. I'm easy.

You have a huge dick, but a weak spine. Just a mushy shit had you. I'm just easy. I think I love her now. I'm gonna learn to pronounce her name. You can take a week off and have Keith Black Keith step in from Black Keith and the girl. Keith, can you go back in the hospital?

I have a black. Black Keith and the girl is this shit. I like that. Let's pitch this man. Let's pitch it. Black Keith, you're done. But you're gonna call it like black keys in the bitch Black keys in the bitches Better that is to shit. Let's do it. All right

I get to call you Sugg like every year. Oh shit. Oh my god You can do you can do Keith in the black girl The black girl my point is is I felt be the black girl, the dark place. My point is, is I felt bad because I had to unfollow you guys. I had to. Yeah, that's petty. Why? I had to, because that's the fucking rule.

I thought you were so fucking mature, and can't we learn off of you? No, I'm not mature. I'm not a baby. Well, wait a minute. I got a baby. What do you be a friend and fucking man up and follow someone? You don't even know that I don't have a baby friend I don't have a baby you said you had kids the last time I was on the show

I never said that how could I have accidentally said that? That was wrong. Come on in fact. We clear a fossil's another show is huh? Are you guys really friends? Well, I think I'll tell you business friends I'm not your friend until I see your baby. Me and Chemna, I can say it. Chemna? Chemna. Oh, all right. How friends. Oh, yeah.

More than me, Keith. But I still thought we were showbiz's friends. Like, we could, like, I liked you. We need anything for me. I'd give it to you. You like having me? I did. I was a big fan.

I mean, I follow you. I follow you on Twitter. I did that. I found you and said, click. What was your favorite I did that. I found you and said click. What was your favorite tweet of mine? I don't read your shit, I don't. But you don't tweet as much as him. He goes on like last night, you went on some fucking crazy rant.

I probably wrote about five things about the state of the union. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, right in a row. Right, yeah, and there was football in there somewhere. I don't follow you, but I have- Oh, there was football, it was time for the Republicans response and I said the Republicans are now set to receive so there was football I read I read I follow Keith I follow boss I follow Pat Dixon I do not follow Taylor I just started following you I'm gonna follow you that's the rule

you got it that's the fucking rule I don't like what you say Keith I'm not sitting there going oh oh Keith Honey Print this one out. We're gonna want to read this again. He's a fucking gee But I follow you because when people go to my and they see you here's a thing when they go to my followers They're gonna go oh shit this Keith from I wanted to I want to follow him now you have gotten us so many followers We are so this is like this. It's all helps each other out. I didn't want to be a surface friend a fake friend We're not a fake friend. That's not fake fake friends on pretty fake right now if you go. Oh my god Robert

I do follow you you lied to me that be fake you are a pressure them to follow you. You shouldn't have to pressure somebody you consider your friend follow You know, what would you what would you rather I? Babies say your friend or a follow you want the I babysit your kid or I bought I follow you on Twitter Would you babysit my kid? I would babysit your kid would you babysit my kid? I don't like But I'll watch him for you. I like that she's right on you, dummy. You walked in there trying to ruin a show,

like you ruined Barbecue's in the summer, and she's fucking sticking it right to you, big boy. She's turning me on. I am following Bobby. I follow you too. I follow you with your golf swings, your golf icon. I can't get tweets today. All right, well, I don't really want to read one of your tweets.

Read one tweet. Well, we'll judge if it's funny. Go ahead. What I have today. Read the tweets and we'll judge if it's funny. We'll compare it to Bonnie's. OK, well, Bonnie. Bonnie, Bonnie's a brilliant writer.

I'm a performer. Can you read one of hers? I don't follow her for one year's finance. I know, read your tweet. Someone read it for her. I guess when I did today, Amanda Knox was found guilty. I want to re-re-re-re-re-trial. Get it?

You didn't tweet that. Tell me you didn't tweet that. I'm gonna follow you right now. That's a good one. I'm not following you too. I'm not following. I didn't tweet that. I meant to tell you everybody unfollowed.

Be drafted. I can't let it. There we go. Rich boss. All that's a good job. Don't unfollow me. No, why? Because why? Because you fucking stink. I'd rather follow Keith. He had some good stuff to say. Thank you. Well, let me hear what he had to say. Let me hear his tweets then. I keep my phone off during radio shows. That's a fact. You know what? Because you're a profession. I know. Lots of beeps and bobs go this is a podcast man. It's different They're the original podcast they are you actually taught Mark Marin how to podcast yeah, right? How many how many followers do you have on a Twitter only you?

We just don't think I could say that's it you dropped everybody. I want to know how many followers you have on a Twitter only you we just Only person I could say that's it you got everybody. I want to know how many I only only follow you if your first name is Keith. I am obsessed with Keats. I like that. I follow Keith Robinson. Keith Sweat. I don't want to fuck this up. Shut it. What? I know you guys really can I just say something you guys really did clam up as soon as these two It's not it's rich for us 60 years in the business 65 for keep Robinson you're the new young gun. You got so much

Why is he mean I don't Oh wow you say somebody's mean Why don't you talk to the microphone you dummy? It's the more tattoos you have the more sensitive you are you damn right? Yeah, it is it's really sweet I suppose you want to talk I can put it in you see when you don't have the fucking headphones on you You don't right here. I see how that sounds better like this. I was gonna get a different color one over here Why what's what what does flowers mean to you? They're cover-ups. He never has to buy them.

It just shows Bonnie his harness. No, I need some water, baby. And he puts a long sleeve shirt on, honey. Look what boss he's got for you. He just re-wrote his dope, you jackass. Yeah, well that's what you do, stupid to keep it gone. What do you want to stop it like you just did? Yeah, he had to make it black.

He's black-key. That's regular key. Yeah, he had to make it black. He's black. He that's regular key He's got to get a black tattoo. I got a black it up a little bit miss mother fuck. He's got to get a tattoo You really can't see Tattoo his career You get cocky this is what you said You get fucked up and you do a bad one you know you now take a breath and relax let it go on let somebody else talk Pat you go. What do you have what nothing I got zero about this? I can't believe you're you're fucking doing

Adderall Yeah, what's what is that what you're about to say that i don't know that he said that i don't know i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know that i don't know He's the standard. He's standard. Regular. He's not even O2. He's just Keith. There's no numbers behind him. He's tilt staring. That's it. Bucket seats. I thought you had a baby. But you were asking him. You can tell he was doing that.

Who's the baby you pick? Where are you? Where are you? Who's the baby you pick? I think just a friend's baby and he was sitting on my lap while I was recording a show. What's on my pick? Do you know what my pick is on my,

yeah, your big head. No. It's your logo. No, it's not. Either one of you. You know why I know what you fucking pick is on Twitter? Because I followed you. What's my pick on Twitter? Your pick is you and your girl. Damn it. Wow. For papo. Damn it. That's even new. And your girl's cute too. I like her. Yeah. Yeah, she's a cutie. Now you mean in traditional sense

or in the fucked up tooth big nose sense. Ah! That's kind of cute. Oh, I forgot to be offended. Okay, first of all, I think you're very beautiful. I don't, I love how you manipulate that into some weird thing because- Don't psychoanalyze me.

I swear to God, I think you're beautiful. I think you're beautiful. You straight up said, I think things are beautiful that other people don't find beautiful. I know it's the Not other people's not other people. It's not other people. It's what conventional conventional Supermodel. I don't like you're not a supermodel. You're a beautiful You should have heard it before

Now he's adding super before it was now he's adding super you understand what i'm saying not a super model you couldn't be in like a serious catalog or you could be in a serious catalog she was next to a washing machine

I give her a serious and jc pennies I would give her a fucking LL bean LL bean B. Did you see my ass? It's giant LL building doesn't want that I would give her hunting and fishing I would give her a karate magazine In a key I'll just be in a dike magazine better dike magazines. What's a dike magazine? They're a dyke magazine. LB GT weekly Don't act like you don't go to the meetings or some shit. He named all 10 letters or some shit like that.

I'm like close How are you doing? I'm like closing it Robert Kelly likes me because he thinks I'll never cheat who else is gonna hang out with me What do you mean? Wow? Wow? That was a stinker. What are you gonna do? I think you're very beautiful. You're my type of girl.

You're gonna take that in the wrong way. So be it. I think I just don't like- You see, the thing is, is my parents really fucked me up and they just called me ugly my whole life. Your parents didn't call you once, it's not your fault. They have great parents. Her brother's brilliant.

Have you ever met her brother? Yeah, well, she was telling me about him last time on the show. I was really, really. Look at you. You think I have a kid and you think her parents are great. I said to your parents abuse you. She said no.

And then you said her parents are great. You have great parents. She's the worst parent. I don't know how to say that. I don't have the worst parent. Wait a minute. I don't know. Let her say that.

Why you can't just say she has the worst parents? No. After nine years. No. She's the entire parents. Do terrible parents uh... keyt has worse parents than me but i have it's a little bit i just know that if it's a little bit about you and you yes i think it's a little bit of back it up i have a lot of why your parents terrible i haven't spoken to them in like five

months that sounds good that sounds healthy i was out of line there's uh... there too much really stern old school you, they've been sexist my whole life and they just they're too harsh on me. They're not proud of me for anything. Why are they not proud of you? You have your own radio show. You have your own job that you created out of nothing. This is not what women do. Women stay at home and they make babies and I agree. I agree to parents. Yeah, that's why I love you. You do stay at home though, Hamda. That is true. You do. You are at home. I take care of babies. What an intellectual country. My father was born and raised in Iran and my mother's families from Iraq.

Oh, my mother was born in Israel. I was born in Israel. Wow. Yeah, let us say I'm in that background. Don't talk. I don't want the fucking NSA hearing some fucking words of my podcast. Yeah, you so chemda, the NSA already started following you. They follow you on Twitter. Why? They probably do. Unlike fucking you too.

Well, once you want to, once you want to talk to me. I you are more disappointed than him. Him, I expect it from me. I don't know computers. Yeah, her. She's supposed to have and once you are. I you are more disappointed than him. Him I expected from me. I don't know computers. Yeah. Her. She's supposed to have feelings like you do. Yeah.

You are just fucking out there. It's a game. I leave the show. You're like, good. I know you as soon as I leave. Go, go, go, go. I know how you are. I know you proud.

She have a lot to do. You have a she comes to show. She texts. She's she's done a lot of stuff to say otherwise that I consider her a friend and they both go to shows well no he's been to one but I he she made him go you can tell what you're talking about your shows yeah well one of the one of the shows we did one of the podcast something I went to your live show the one I think Creek no I don't know the village underground one of them the village underground one of them

The village underground though the why does it the matter? The book is I believe this cost them that was a fun Performance gives a shit just follow them follow Robert Kelly all right done and done here's the thing to Follow fucking rich boss. Do you follow him? Oh God? What we got follow everybody? Yes, yes, yes you do you piece of shit. Yes you do how difficult is it to press I don't care if they follow me or not all say no is now I want to follow you Here's I don't like that. I like that. Why one ear with the headphones? Air you're still worried about your fucking hair at 55 you do a good hair. Thank you. Yeah, what do you put in there?

What do I put? Yeah? Sweetie the same shit you put yours Fuck is that He's probably right. I just got to attack somebody I feel bad Taylor was all whipped up to have a great show. I know he knows Keith and the girl He knows Pat. Hey, you know, I'm observing. I'm great. I don't want you to. I want you to fucking come in and be you. Well, yeah, I feel like I feel like I'm at like the break room at UPS and I just got

hired. I need to like get a second to figure out who you are. I bet he wants. We're at standard. Yeah, yeah, I was a nice remain. No, you're cool. I was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're fine. Are you are below House Street comic or regular comic like? I think I'm below House Street because that's what's available to me right now But that's that's just because I'm you know, I'm in New York two and a half years or cool rooms in shit Yeah, yeah, you're wrong, you know, I'm just trying to see what what circuit you're doing if or both, you know Yeah, I'm like working my way into the clubs, but it's taken a minute

Yeah, it's a pool and a pond, you know, a pond's good for you Yeah, I'm like working my way into the clubs, but it's taken a minute. Yeah, I mean, it's a pool and a pond. You know, a pond's good for you. Yeah. Where are you from? I grew up in the Southern California, Los Angeles area. Cool. Now Pat, you're judging me already for that, right?

Not at all. I don't know. We're just going to move on. I have no path forever and Pat's all dressed up. He always dresses like that. Yeah, that's his outfit. But looking at his beat up shoes, like he walked to her family's country,

and those shoes. You gotta get pumped. That's like an old guy will do that. You know what I mean? Like anything else, like nice suit. And old guys like, shine your shoes. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

It's like, it's like, it's like Richie at the comic strip. Hey, that shine your shoes. More like that. That's even more like, you know, I mean, look at you look great. You, you know, I see the skid mark on my underwear. Now, that really ruins the effects. I think you look great, Pat.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I was hosting at the stand tonight. Yeah, you're that you're saying, though. We did an NA meeting in Jersey somewhere you had to go.

Yeah. Right. Yeah, even for that. Yeah. A bunch of... Hey, who else was there? It's just, you know, when they're,, even for that. Yeah, a bunch of Who else was there? When they're I can picture that we do a show. He didn't just do a meeting go home Not not not not cut anonymous. No, no, no, Ninkam poops anonymous Club called not

Yeah, the opposite of huh. Yeah, it was not hot Let's go downstairs Hey, I got a better why you Leave Keith up here, he's not adding anything. Cut up. He's out in a lot of a lot I'm bringing my voice to the table man Keith came in and I gave it to him to stop my black Keith Yo, listen if he leaves on the blackest person in the room Just say I'm right him What is that?

Did you have swirls tonight? Is that why you're acting like this? Shut up, man, I act like that. What's that swirl? It's my podcast. What's that? You take it over my show? It's just a swirl, like a wine, and a little glass of red wine. It's in my voice.

I'm an Altonville voice right now. That's have a voice off right now. You're doing it. You have the berry white thing. I's have a voice off right now. You're doing it. I like, you have the, like the berry white thing. I'm just like, I just sound like a son of a California. But you don't like it. You look more like berry white. I have the berry white.

I do. I look like I'm at diabetes, is what you're saying. I look like I'm about to get my foot amputated. You look like you talk in the middle of songs. No, I look like. You sound like you want the lotion in the basket. I think I like your radio voice and better than Keith's little. He has a great voice for radio. Thank you. I'll say it.

I got to introduce your radio show. All right, 88.5. Go down lower on slow jam all the day. He's rubbing his leg all the day. All the day. All the Slow jam all the day. He's rubbing his legs. All the day. All the day. All the day long. All the day long. This next song is by the whispers who's out to all the ladies.

Called Chocolate Girl. Oh Lord. Can you take a call? Take a call. Who can I be your call? Yeah, you'll be the call, girl. Alright. Okay.

What? He left the ring on. Who said? Who said? Who said? Who said fucking 1938? He said it. All right, we can do it What he left the ring on He's highly Why Keith is a professional voiceover why keep this is a black show. I need you to do better. Okay give me the black ring Beep-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop All right calling number two we got a call on number two call him to come on. Oh my god I just started eating a black guy and so I decided to call into your show and I was just wondering if I can get some advice from you

You just start dating a black guy. Yeah First of all like what kind of sexy music should we put on? So... Does it have to have talking in the middle? Ah! Do I have to go old school all the way? Or like, some Kanye is like, okay. No, Kanye.

No Kanye. You got to stay in that mood. Okay. Okay. So like, black street. Black streets are going on. Not black street. Not black street black streets again one Something that's gonna take you to the wall Oh my god

You want your man to take you right to the wall? That sounds really gross and really awesome Then tug your hair a little bit You ever had your hair tugged? I have, thank you Oh, why that voice, Shane? Yes, Moose Yo, yo bitch, who the fuck you talking to bitch? Mother fuck, I said you get off the phone bitch Why that voice

Fuck you who's on this motherfucking line Yo, you motherfuckum down smooth Tony and fucking put my foot in your mother fucking ass You tell him sweet heart, you know, we got a song for that This one goes There's Lil Jon Vos is like wow that was good It's good is always a fucking superstar Now I was gonna go to Taylor, but I don't want you to follow that. Well, you think I can't you can't I don't think you get good Ready go ahead do it. Hey, welcome to WXRZ the best new sounds and it's always an XRZ

The best new sounds in a quality radio Listen, I get that you're all a white station and shit, but could you just play some shit with some soul? That's Puerto Rican. It's not black. I'm not trying to be like you. I promise I can't even do it Well, we will be what are you in the mood for like maybe some Pete's sigger? Or something? Why do you have to guess why don't you just know? Why don't you just put me on the wall? It's gonna boss you around, don't you? You put me on the wall. I mean, there's a lot you want to know. You just still keeps me on the wall. I mean, you just stole keys. That's called improv right there. That's good.

Dude, I love that you're fucking panicking. She's not really put her in. I'm super over time. You know, as Henda, you know her. Remember when you said hi? Yeah, I know. I'm super, super over-caffeinated right now. I'm having an exciting time. Jesus. Pat Dixon's losing his shit over there Battle all caffeine On this side table. You live it Taylor ketchup is badass. He's badass. He's like oh no, no, no He's got some fucking stories. We got into that a little bit I don't want to ruin their time. No, you're fucking it's not it's our time stupid sit there sit at the end Okay, I'll see you later see you later later guys now

make sure you follow him on Twitter she'll follow your best you spell it Chemda yeah Chemna at Chemna that's how he thinks following is just staring as he walks backwards out the room don't forget your jacket dummy you're gonna stay downstairs right? Shut up. Okay. What are you a slave owner? What are you talking about? Why are you talking to him like that? Go down and drink a swirl! No, you're gonna stay downstairs, right?

I'm gonna win. I keep beating. You know what? I want to switch to Topic real quick. Go ahead, switch to Topic. We talked about this day on our podcast. Did you guys see that movie with a fucking August of With Merrill Streep and Julia Roberts. I use the word play So fucking good. It's so good. I'm just telling you a listen

You have a title. What's it called? It's called all this August those age counties to be a play on Broadway Yeah, it's a catchy. You work it. I work to play. Yes fucking and they they took it And I told them they took it like you like you'll see like a a mammoth movie like you know a American football Mammoth. Yeah, what's this? And you'll see like make sure you fucking know, you know, and like you could tell that this was a play But it was so great in the movie, you know what I'm saying. I'm just saying That this was a play but it was so great in the movie, you know what I'm saying. I'm just saying What's all I'm saying? What was like? What was the highlight? Why is it dramatic? Because I don't know the street is so fucking

I'm saying that it's just a good movie. It's sorry weird to me. I'm The way why do you have to as soon as the black guy left we started talking about theater I think I'm sure too loud in it if we started talking about theater. I know. I just think I'm sure too loud in it. Uh. Well, what did you like about it? I just like that.

I just like that. They changed sets between the scenes. Yeah. Thank you. He's like, does this apply? Thank you. What's it about? What's a dysfunctional family?

Oh, okay. It's so fucking hot. Oh, that's original. Yeah. So good. Jesus, only everything is that. What is it? Malcolm in the middle. It's relatable. Oh, so Jesus only everything is that Was it Malcolm in the middle? I'm sorry. Let's talk about your movie. Why?

I'm sorry. Are you in this movie? He saw it. Oh really? I had a cameo. Oh really? I want to get some other accent Jesus I got bored during the trailer of that movie. Are you this movie so fucking that you love it? I don't think so I guarantee you what I'm gonna move it to you like it. I don't think so. I guarantee you. Why, what kind of move would you like Pat? I mean, I like a movie like, you know, like Chinatown and stuff like that, you know, Pat Theo. You have anything to reach you up to?

You have anything in the left fucking ear. You're subject from, from, from, from, I don't put any shoes. I don't put any shoes. No. No. They're usual. These are good shoes.

They last, you know. You know, could you, where are these shoes? Apieu. Coming here in Insult The Man lower shoes they last He shoes Coming here an insult the man's shoes Well dog day afternoon let me tell you that's a great movie great Yeah, why do we get a chance a bad movie? You're like your fucking Merrill Street movie. I like dog day after I like I brought up dog day afternoon. You didn't bring it up. It's a good movie. I said it was I brought it up all right shit on a thing

any movie the last year that you like yeah i saw that one with matt daman it's uh... about health care with some kind of an hour of kind of thing uh... that was good stunk and uh... at least i'm with the name of at least he was the name of it at least i thought i was really good and i cannot remember you know what i saw the coenbrothers movie the new one of those rascal yeah, no the one about Than takes place in the yard. Yeah, yeah, Lewin Davis. That's really good. Yeah, I like that. Lewin Davis great movie Yeah, some of the place like right down stairs right there

You didn't see you didn't see Dallas buyers club. You didn't like that. That was a great movie never heard of it really Yeah, it's a great movie. There are too much AIDS. Too much AIDS. Too much AIDS. There's a lot of AIDS. There was a little... Well, it was back when AIDS was AIDS, though. It's not like AIDS now, or it'd be too much AIDS. Back then, AIDS was king.

Did you see Blurin' in there? I didn't see that movie when AIDS was king. Yeah, when AIDS didn't just threaten your life, it took it. Yeah, when AIDS was really taking some fucking people down. Not just giving you a pot belly and fucked up fingernail. How about blue Jasmine, you see that? No. I wanna see that.

It was good, but it wasn't a fucking... I didn't know what it was going on. Oh my god, it was a great movie. It was a good movie. Everybody was great. I get it. They were written in it. It wasn't like holy shit. No, it wasn't

But it was a little fucking annoying. First of all, Woody Allen movies are low budget movies. They're not fucking How do we get how do they are they really do you think they're 50 million dollar? I'm being sarcastic You fucking okay, so to get that cast and like saying you need explosions and stuff. Don't you? Yeah, idiot. No, well, at least him stunk. It was at least him was a good Left wing propaganda and he read that he read the salt text. It's about health care I thought it was just a movie about the Yeah, at least no idea. Yeah, it's like a real like a fracking movie. I mean the other one wasn't that wasn't bad The fracking movie. Yeah, I was another one another left one two days ago. I watched

Silver linings playbook. I know everybody's seeing and that got I got soup. That really got me It was a movie. I started getting super emotional about it. It was like the father shit Yeah, except for the ones it was great except for the one scene in the house It was too fucking shlocky and happy But when they're dancing and practicing and they're going back and forth Yeah, yeah, yeah one scene if they would have cut that fucking So those mood swings, you know, I mean like they like they got it right you know what I mean like they really kind of nailed that I did like the mood swings that's funny that you bring that up

that was one thing that I have I have fucking you by polar I don't know if I don't think I'm by polar I'm just I'm sensitive on Twitter I'm following the other you that's a thing that gave me a mood swing but that made me sad. That made me sad. Robert Kelly. I was reading tweets like, hey, this is my pal that doesn't fucking follow me. What the fuck? And then I was like, there's no way that you have the dolphin. And then I, obviously, I go to you and just, this bitch isn't following me.

Then I go to the key to the girl thing, nobody fucking, I was just on the fucking show. How am I supposed to retweet anything of yours? Are you retweet anything of mine if you don't know it? I exist on the world of fucking Twitter. I put I put the show out and I put your names in. Guess who doesn't get it. But but we will get it. I'm not putting your fucking names in now.

Oh, I didn't know it was a trick question. I guess we won't. No, you're not gonna get it. I'll talk to you. I'll totally talk to you. I'm gonna talk your fucking names in now. Oh, I didn't know it was a trick question. I guess we won't. No. You're not gonna get it. I'll twat you. I'll totally twat you. I'm gonna twat you. Okay.

I have a feeling they're gonna follow you after this show. No, I don't want you to. I don't want you to, because you don't want to. Now I'm gonna fucking do it. No, no, I don't want you to fucking do it. I'm gonna do it. Now.

Danny do it. We're sh**ing up. Who's that? Is that the guy in the truck? I love that you guys have a lot of tits and egor. He's got a fucking egor. That's the best. Danny Hatch is his fucking egor. Yeah, they have a lot of interns. Like my interns just their scopletelman to go fuck myself. They had an intern who got their symbol burned onto his body.

Branded. Would you do that? Oh, they did. No, fuck. They got a fan that has about 50 tattoos of them. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah, they got a ton of them. Yeah, what is that thing? They, they are ever to get your tattoo a lot of people yeah i'm uh... i follow them and they appreciate it because i make it a big deal well fucking a jane what they burn they burned the like the hemorrhagot thing one got uh... our logo which is you know the two of us yeah and yes that does include a kind of hair and they got it they got it like a branding and when it's a branding it's not like you're searing cattle, they, they cut the outline

and then they take a pen and the pen burns your skin. So they're slowly drawing the insides of our huge hair, that's the worst place to get it, man. On the ribcage, it's the most painful place to get a tattoo. It was just first tattoo, too. Oh god, so it's a burn. It's a burn. It's a burn. Yeah.

That one's a burn. What if you guys decide not to do the show? Well, this is, I mean, we were still dating at the time and then we broke up so everyone scared about their tattoos, but the show kept going so it's still re-shoot. Right. And what if you get, and we did this nine years, let's say we did stop tomorrow. It doesn't negate your tattoo. What if you had a tattoo?

No, it totally negates it. Yeah. It does. It absolutely does. If you had no I totally negates it yeah If you had the tattoo of a band You just compared yourself to Led Zeppelin If you have if you have been hailing they get what the fuck are you out of your mind? What are you you it's not a su-fi.

That's a worthy day. With this guy who would get the su-fi. To face it. And I'm like, honey, you're going to grab some day. You're going to be 35 with kids and you're going to have somebody given the super finger on your tit. You know, you got to think about this shit before you do it. You had you just all these are all No, no, not cover. I only have a cover up. No, just one is a cover up. What did say what it say? I said I need flowers

What did it say? What's it for? I'm remembers? It was a tribal piece. That's what was the one you got covered up right here the Jewish one Where's the Jewish one covered up? What does that say never again? Never again? I'm not covering that up That's one I have to get a touch up up i'm not getting a cover up that's what everybody should for the now they get no one is usually to get that to a post i talked to a rabbi a couple weeks ago he said that's bullshit that's

a thing that jewish parents did to make the kids not get that to use you couldn't get buried in the u.s. cemetery because the tattoos the face in your body what about face lifts nose jobs i think that's yeah i think i think that's not right. I mean, I don't give a shit. You know, there's actually no God, so it doesn't matter. But wait a minute. Now that you're sure of. This is not your show. I don't know what your doctor is.

No, whether or not there isn't God. When you know, you know. There's no God. Sorry, sorry. You want to talk about it? We can talk about it. I can make you feel better about it, but there is no way. There's no way. Sorry. You want to talk about it? We can talk about it. I can make you feel better about it, but there is no God.

Is it Santa Claus? Oh, sure. Okay. Yeah. I mean, you know, God ate him. Except now you're Santa Claus. You believe in a power greater than you then at least? I believe.

I know what you're talking about. I've also been to meetings. I'm not saying you could be spiritual without the meetings. I didn't put it in. Is anybody at the end of the table could they please push his microphone up so when he can talk into it? Like everybody else on the show is doing. Oh, it doesn't go from the top to a good mic.

No, you have the same mics at your house. Yeah, man, I don't. But I don't cover them with this thing. These are the same mics you talk into every weekend at the clubs. Dumb dumb. Same ones. Sure, 58s. All right.

Why didn't you tell Manar? Yeah, I told him 19 times. I kept telling you to the top here. That's the top filter. Yeah, we don't need to hear you a fucking. I do believe that when people call out to God, they're calling out to the last effort that they have and they actually have it in them.

So it is like the power that you have in you that you don't recognize. And when you're in a ditch, let's say, or figuratively or whatever, then you feel like there's no way out to say help me God, whether you believe in God or not, you're saying help me find the way that I don't think exists here.

Who are you talking to? It doesn't matter, but there is no God. I just gotta breathe this one quick sponsor from the Catholic Church. I'll follow the who art in heaven. Hello, be thy name, thy kingdom come. I will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us a stay, our daily bread,

and forgive us our trespasses, and forgive us who I don't even know the rest of it, go ahead. Use code Bobby. Use code Bobby. I fucking hate those. I know that one, I share it to the channel. You know how you hear people say all day, you know, أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً، أهلاً Papillon What is that? Is that a call back to his fucking movie? No, you fucking idiot. Of course it is. Yeah great, but you said It's papillon not papillon There's no end at the end of it you fucking mope this at the end isn't there no papillon fucking mole friend

There isn't I don't know. I just want it as big a dumb man. What a movie man Steve McQueen I don't know I just wanted to make him something a dummy man what a movie man steam queen Yeah, Dustin That movie he didn't no no, no, I mean that express yeah, I read that great movie, too Where are you going he you have a fucked up bladder? He doesn't want to pat me on spoiler He's he's telling that's what he's drinking I I believe there's a so there's a spirit out there I believe there's a girl

But I understand what you're saying about certain religions. I mean I don't get that there's a different God There's a million different gods, but they kind of all say the same fucking thing. It was a spooky in the room First of all don't talk about him this boyfriend like that I'm talking about him, this boyfriend like that. No, show him out. Oh, you don't have to. I don't like he. No! God, you're racist.

I'm not fucking racist, you said it! I didn't mean Keith. No, that's the name of Keith CD. Spook in the room. Jesus, look at you two. You're like, we don't talk like this. Hey, it's your business. Yeah, you guys are wild.

I like it, it's fun. It's your thing. I'm only allowed to use the N word when the word stand is in front of it. Yeah, you guys are wild. I like it, it's fun, it's your thing. I'm only allowed to use the N word when the word sand is in front of it. Oh, because you're... Yes. That was a little math. I can say that, but I have to use the A sound at the end.

I can say that, but I have to close my windows. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I can say it only in front of my kid. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. To teach him the right thing. I could say it all the time where I live now. In fact, it's encouraged. Yeah, literally. You have to say it to get your house.

When you walk up this, I like the garbage can pick up a Monday, it's water and gas, and there's no... And then they scream it. See? I actually have a black people at the end of my block. Why do you... Why do you have to check cash in the store there? The word turns into yonkers. There's a Kenned's a Kennedy's fried chicken and a catch, a jackass. Why do we get Kennedy's fried chicken, down in my neighborhood?

What the fuck, that's kind of racist the other way. It's like, I would like a Kennedy's fried chicken somewhere near where I don't have to go up into the hood to get it. In Westchester? That, yeah, it's always in the hood. They should have like hood. I was saying that for you. Oh, now I get it. Yes, I want one of those two.

It's so un-gimentally hot. That just means you're on the lower scale, but I do you. It's not what that means. It's not a compliment. It is a compliment. You're reading into his horse shit. It is a compliment to me. She was saying that before I said before I said Your beautiful to me you're My type of girl I also I also enjoy dry heaving it cleanses the soul. I'm different That's white Keith everybody. That's white Keith. It is a replay boy. He reads average chicks monthly I do the best at like you porn, but not in a real thing. I do like you.

I do like Amateur porn better than regular porn. I like Amateur porn too. Why do you like Amateur porn? Because it's regular fucking people. I like it because I believe them more than I believe in people. Do you like, let me ask you a question. You like women? Sometimes.

Well, you're in the chicks. My married to a woman. I am engaged to a transgendered male. Okay. So, okay, fair enough. Appearing like a woman. The girl I met? Yes. Is? Yeah. I didn't know that. No, no operation. Born and raised in a female body, but identifies male. Okay. But, more and though, yeah. I'm confused. Yeah, so yeah, so somewhere on the spectrum I probably am because that puts me on the spectrum, but I never really dated with you. But do you like deep pussy? That's fucking funny. That's disgusting, but let's ask. I Talk about it before pork posties are they're ugly. No

All human beings are ugly even like even if you take a supermodel you fucking if you put a camera up or it's awful and gross I mean if you have pretty face and ice but you know And this isn't gay, but I know you talk about Mirro's title of pussy, wait a minute stop, stop, everybody stop, I need Mirro's dreams, I need a southern accent. I need you to really say this and I need a clear audio of this. What if you said what did you say pussy, Zagli, but what a nice penis? I didn't say that. You said a nice penis. I know and heard that. You're out of your mind. What did you say? I just think of what is it?

And then you should write that and nice penis and then write Ritzvoss paraphrased. What did you say? I said porn. What were you saying? I was saying in porn. Yeah. It's more exciting. Like guys go, ooh, looking into two girls getting it on.

Yeah. It's fucking, okay. It's kind of hacky. Okay. All right. It's hacky. For a tacky porn. I'm like, I'm lame. This has been done before. It's like, look, you know, you know, you know, you're not rich. You're not masturbating. But when you see a girl blowing the dude with a nice pretty cock, you know, I mean, you don't want a cut one.

You don't want, you know, you heard a fucking yank to skin down and all that shit. You know, if she's doing it right, it's invisible anyway. That's right. That's what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. So I mean, that's more exciting.

I really don't. I'm trying to get there. Are you saying that if vagina's ugly and a penis is pretty? No, no, I'm saying when you see two girls like, I'm in porn, it's pretty odd. What's prettier to you of vagina or a penis. Oh, neither they're both ugly. Do you think a penis is ugly? Mine with all the bumps. There's a cream for that. I think if you're watching straight porn, you're watching from the male point of view. So you're just thinking

you're the guy, right? Right. So then that's why that's why maybe you're bored with two women. You're like where do I come in? No, I like there's no therapists because I barely watch porn. We have two and what we had some before and Then we threw them out after the house burn out. So it's weird non-detailed. You know what I mean? What do you mean? You mean you had two porn like actual cassette tapes you still have though? Yeah, no, we have to we have we have to only one DVD left you have a DVD yeah porn DVD you know you can just get it on the computer now like instantly like every We don't sit in the fucking Anything you get it just Google big pretty cock. Yeah, but it comes right up I wife and I don't sit at our desk and have sex on the TV. We'll put it a DVD

Apple TV problem solved and have sex on the TV will put a DVD in one of the books. Let's get Apple TV problem solved, you know. No, we got it live. We got to just put it in there. You got to make an investment so you can, you know. What's your porn like? What makes this DVD special? It was only like six bucks.

It was cheap. It was right next to his laughing hyena cassette of the truck stop. I could truck stop. I got the truck stop. I couldn't get on it. The truck stop said, when I sent him a demo, they swear to God they sent him me to go, you're not right for truck stops. They never, they never turned down. They turned me down.

They said they're not like that. What is the truck stop? Laughing hyena is a label that only they released the truck stops. You know, and the mice, I'm out there when you know, my, they pay five thousand. Yeah, they pay some money and then you get that and then they release it and then they get all the money forever in perpetuity or something like that. So you don't get any money. You get a little bit like 10% or something. You could be a trucker's fucking you could be the number one trucker comic in the world right now. And everybody's talking about packed

and you'll never know. I am the number one trucker Purchvik can lead to two Bullshit man, that's true man. That's true. That's that's true. I don't I was number one in love truck stop You guys gonna watch Nebraska this weekend fine. Perdue fuck off. Didn't they give you college hoop? Vicks don't tell me I put the hands. I pulled through a truck stop I was I was so depressed and I saw all these cassettes. This was years ago So I saw Vicks I said, Vic what's the deal with this? He said well you contact that contact Then will give you five thousand dollars and it's a buyout okay, so he said send him a demo So I talked to him. They said send me a demo so I went to stand up New York

I made a half an hour tape, but I kept it clean. I didn't know I didn't know Truckers would like dirty material I just fucking lot lizards for eight bucks in a parking lot. I know, but you don't. But when you know when you say the N word on a CB radio for the next 24 hours straight as it got, it's just black people jokes. Have you done that? No, dude. My friend really would drive me. Would drive him from Monterey back to LA. He had a CB radio and he goes watch this

He goes where can a black guy get some need for the next two hours it was fucking end jokes And that's all it was it was just guys talking about fucking some of the funniest black jokes I've ever heard at the end of the joke when they go over So that they don't talk over each other, but they wouldn't accept joke I mean I had two kids. I was so fucking broke doing city one nighters And I and I go I'm gonna get $5,000. I mean this was you know 15 you that wouldn't and I call them and a guy goes Yeah, you're not ready for trucks. No, I'm gonna be nice and clean. I'm gonna talk about sweet things like the benefits of college No, no, no. Suéñez con un futuro más allá de los estudios de grado, gracias a las becas de ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? ¿No? punto o everything. I mean, I'm looking at your face. What was some of the jokes? It was probably kid stuff. Back then, I was probably doing a bit,

you know, I owe my daughter 10 bucks for Girl Scout cookies, and I'm Dodge in her. Right, you know, she called me for the money and tried to disguise her voice. I go, who's this? Oh, wait, honey, you're not right for it. Yeah, you're not right for it. You're not right for podcasts.

You're not right for podcasts. Whatever, you're asking me whatever it was 15 years ago and they said no and it broke my mind what about now why don't you try doing it now now I got my fourth CD coming out soon what's it called I didn't name it yet because I'm editing it right now why don't you give them your last CD and try to do it now and I've made enough money off it on iTunes you they don't do truck stops anymore do it I don't know Pat no No, they're still out there Yeah, truck stops just still exists. Yeah, we haven't figured out how to get products. It's trains and trucks and play and still Yeah, we don't know how to sell in those things, but I've already made enough money at a truck stop

First of all, I Anybody not love a truck stop? Is it the best thing in the world with showers? Yeah, the big real truck stop glory holes They don't have glory 1972 you This isn't when you like movies if you bring your own drill with you they do you look around You think you're gonna be in a fight at any time who doesn't love these places. Yeah, they're best truck stops And not like that at all they're fucking best. They have everything you could ever want at a truck stop. Yeah, I need to close. You can buy the nicest little sweatpants for eight bucks. Any

little sweatpants. And a antenna. Yeah. That's the name of your next city. Nice, little sweatpants. And an antenna. That should be the name. And then you'll kill a truck stops. I love truck! Dude, I love truck stops. I think your definition of anything is just different, you know. Any tin you want, camouflage, a nice pair of sweatpants. Oh, damn, he likes truck stops and girls that look weird. You can see you're adding weird, it's not weird, that's your self-esteem. I think you're very pretty, you keep saying it.

I think you look weird. I'm weird. I'm weird. Is there anybody's taking a poll? You look like you could be my brother. Oh, please don't say that. I'll never ever fucking look at you the same way. I think when somebody told me I was,

I said, what's that? Fantasia from American Idol. Ah, and then somebody said, yeah, I was like, I love her, I want to fuck her so bad, she's my type of black chick. And she goes, yeah, she looks like Patrice. She has Patrice's mouth. And I was like, oh shit. her Patrice have the same mouth.

I can never jerk off her mouth. I'm jerking out the Patrice. No. You know, your baby looks like the Gerber Baby, right? But so do you. You were so... I look like the Gerber Baby. You look like the Gerber Baby.

I do? Yes. The Gerber Baby was Brook Shields, by the way. Well, you don't look like it. I think so, am I right? Google that. You look like the Gerber, baby. Broke shields are so hack.

Now you. I used to love fucking birds. I made purchase in an elevator when I was getting my eye fixed. What'd you do? Did you come on? I, uh, I said, uh, I was in all that stupid garbage. I looked like an idiot. I had a patch over my eye and I had the thing on my head and a, I just looked at it.

Did you do a movie? I was getting eye surgery. I was in an elevator and we were just look at it. Did anyone move? I was getting high surgery. I was in an elevator and we were just about to work. I don't know why she would have totally fucked it. She looked great. She goes, what? She's a little conventional for you. She goes, I go, little we meet her.

I guess she is. She's next to me and I go, and she's nobody saying anything. I go, I go, this is my fucking luck. I finally meet Brooksheel's in an elevator, and I look like this and she just went, you look great and I go, you're lying. And then, and that was it. I love doing blue lagoon.

She was hot. I did, 15. When you were 12. We're talking about that Ron of Fez today is that even the first movie she was in, she played a prostitute. Pretty baby. It's crazy.

You could never do that now. You could never have those were the day yeah when paddocks and love movies but you know you have someone like Britney Spears or whoever and they are teenagers and they're being so overly sexualized they're just not calling it prostitution but you want you watch any of these shows like tutors or gamer thrones are all banging 14 and 15 year old. No, they're not but they're not They're not 20 year old actress. Yeah, but they're not yeah, she's not no Fails was 12. Okay, I see when she was in the movie. I mean she has the same size I'm over that. She did back then. What's face from

Taxi 34. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we just happy faces. I really don't know. I don't know. I'm probably not yeah, but rich built me Yeah, but she's gay so it doesn't yeah, yeah, I could tell then yeah What she was 10 you tell you can tell in the accused. Oh God That's what made it that she didn't even want that cock Get tell I'm looking at those I was gonna die. She'd be like give me all those cocks. She kept fighting Looking at those I was gonna die she'd be like give me all those Cox. She kept fighting it on the fight day Yeah, she's gonna play pinball and eats a pussy. Yeah, I was once that moving. I'm like you guys are so gay We're always gay guys. I don't even know in real life. It was a pool day. You get the yet. Did you get the Yeah, she was a copper tone baby. She was the copper. I'm sorry. That's what it was copper

But she wasn't baby showing her ass. I thought that was a cartoon to copper tone, baby It was based on her I guess you're thinking of the play. She was doing You're a fast one and we should follow me. I wish we could be friends on Twitter Another life another life will be friends on Twitter you mother fucker Um just with you the other day such a good time. Yeah that's the thing. Hey I'm having a Super Bowl party Sunday you want to come? No I can't make it.

He's got a baby. I would love to go but you're not really inviting me you're invited him. He really is this is this is his invitation. This is how it works. Yeah it's not like you're not going to get something in the mail. This is it. Hey have you been uptown Midtown since, since all the press and everything's here for this beautiful fall?

Oh yeah, I was at a man. Is that where Ron and Fez are broadcasting out of? No, that was in the studio. I was on the Ron and Fez for the first time today. They're great. I fucking love them. I've always loved that show. You've never done it?

I've never done it because I have very low self-esteem with that shit. I don't want to be the guy. Hey, you know, I just you kind of want that just hey rubber You want to come on yeah, I'd love to type thing and it just happens, but I had this done under show they're fucking great Yeah, they are you very funny. I had it done live on the air this I feel like what does it say no this flower this one I know what's up with all the flowers I like flowers what the fuck you really I've never seen you hold the flower I don't walk around I'm out of fucking I don't

What you're not a what you're not a what you know I'm mooney But what is it? What is it with flowers? I look fucking flowers? I got two pin up girls. I got birds. You don't think it's a act pin up Not that swing golf clubs, okay? Who how many pin up girls you ever see swing? Can you go go pin up girls with golf clubs? That's where you can get a gather from on the internet. Do you have anything else other than your arms? No.

No, I wouldn't. That's a pack. What, I don't think it's how you're on them? I'm just making it up. So they can cut off his arms and bury him in a Jewish cemetery. Thank you. This way I can get you know, just, you know. So they can cut off his arms and bury him in a Jewish cemetery. Thank you. And that's why I can get a thinner coffin. That's money.

We got the joke, dummy. You don't need to fucking explain a fucking nickel chasing joke. It's the thing, you, Jack, yes. I have everything in life to buy. Like I have, shoot everything, clothes. We ought to know you don't even need

truck stop money. Do you have poor, you were fucking poor. Eight years ago, you had no money. You were have a poor ID? So it's not. You was fucking poor eight years ago. You had no money. You were trying to sell you shit at a truck stop. That was 15, okay? Okay. Now what do I need?

So I'm just getting, I get what I bike. There's a million online or 10. Yeah, there's a million of, there's a million of, man. There's a shirt, you can get it on a shirt. You can get it on a fucking coffee mug. What? That's original. I think you're on cafe press.

You can get a napkin, too too with one of these pinup girls. Yeah, pinup girls are everywhere you fucking need. With the golf club fucking moron. They all have golf clubs. That's the point. That's on fabric. Do you guys know each other's names? Do you think it's a different one?

No, I don't fucking care about his name. Have you ever met us? I know that your sentence is all-end and fucking asshole. It really does, and it's so funny that we just talked about Ron and Fez and how awesome it was. It was because we weren't treated like the way we treat each other. It's like, what a great time because I wasn't sending them, you call the fucking dummy assholes, shithead, and having to defend myself.

When you go to Ron and Fez, they treat you like you're somebody,'re somebody, like you're part of the show and they're happy to have you. They really say that they're, yeah. Oh, I know what you're doing. I was funny. Colin called up over here, did he tell you on the show? Cause Florentine was on. And then he was like on ONA and he called them all out. He was like, yeah, the other day you had that,

was it Bruce Springsteen was on? Oh, no, no, no, it was Florentine. You fucking assholes. Yeah, you treat, you have, he's nothing to him. You treat us as a fat dumb stupid Indian old finished Florentine's on. You talking to him like he's the fucking king. Like he's not one fun. Everything he said, oh, that's so interesting.

Anyways, see Hawksy gonna fucking, what the fuck? You got to Coke. You guys go, yeah, fuck, see Hawks are gonna fucking what the fuck you got to coke you guys Yeah, fuck who cares who cares who cares The Supermose of fun time is it is it is it a fun time yay Yeah, with the Superball. I don't care who cares. I live in Jersey. I got two kids. I got a fly coach play fucking oak hairs Here's the deal what's that? Martin is one of the nicest guys. I love, I love your name. You can't be any nice. I love you too. Who cares? But here's the thing.

What are you, guy? You love me? I used to be in a rock and roll band. I have a one-man show. I got molested by a wrestler. Who cares? We all performed at Woodstock 94. That was like 30 comics.

Thank you. Thank you. And James was on stage. I wanted to do a small stage. Who was? Don James Yeah, and me and Floating were sending a sea somebody throw a bottle of piss goes Yeah, no, yeah, no, yeah, beer is an innocent bottle Sure wasn't lemonade I'll tell you drink beer and you throw pee. It was just fucking really dehydrated pissed

dude. I think it was almost Carmel Brown because this fucking idiot hasn't drink a drank water in fucking three days. Oh, did it hit him? No, what about that? Oh, you know, Norton would have fucking jumped like a seal. Fucking tried to catch it his mouth. I Please hit me in the chest with a fucking nice cup of piss You guys Silly

How was that game working and working 94 was 90 when I did 99 was great. Yeah, do me and Tom Papa did that was the You know, we did big stages, but 94 there was like 30 comics went up on a bus And we just had we stand in these tents with all the like the performers slept intense like big circus I mean they were like the size of a fucking city these tents. These are the tents females you female users and Would you sleep in the you hands of the fuck yeah back packs? Hands of the question. Yes, You slept in the thing in sleeping Yeah, okay, all right again. It was the chef Ross was here. I'm like all of us were there tons of comics. Oh I know I'm just saying I know what I know

We couldn't get you from what do you do? Yeah, boo boo. We couldn't sorry. I look weird every time you see me Where you from what do you do? Really? So somebody write me a joke quick. Ah, there you go sign the check. Go ahead So which and they had like all the performers and did this African like dance team from Africa from and this one guy Do you say from yeah, they were from new I got it from Africa. So we'd wake up. We look if they look he had About a 12 inch hard on every morning. Who? This black dude. And me and Norm, everybody was just wake up and just be amazed at how big it was like it was holding up

to 10. We had the most fun we've ever had all of us together. And that's nice. That's nice. Yeah. And that was key. And 94 94 yeah, that was 94 which 94 It didn't it didn't suck going up because I did there was a bang the bang Bonnaroo Stunk because fucking bang bus. I used to love bang bus. Yeah, and then I one day I was just like bang bus Okay, they they film these guys meet like do you know they pretend it's right they pretend to pick up chicks and their bus and then fuck them in the bus yeah I heard about that it's not a bus and they call the bang bus

they don't have a it's not a bus it's a van I like how Robert acted like it was it's too complicated to explain it's you wouldn't get it well the girls walking on the street He was trying to he was trying to spare my sensitive ears I didn't walk on the street and then they pick up a girl What and then they get her slowly to fucking do shit for money and then all of a sudden they fuck her But then at the end they're like I want to give you a money She's like all right. Let me piss real quick and they kick her out and they shut the door and they drive away She's like you mother fuckers,. But like they always have the positive.

And then they turn the cameras off and give them their money. Yeah, but here's the deal because you have to, like one time I was like, that's so mean, Jesus. But then I realized there was a guy with a camera with her still. You know what I mean? It was a great man. This doesn't make sense. It's just a TV show.

But they got extra footage on the DVD. Yeah, it's like that survivor man. You know when he'd have to walk 20 feet to get that shot and then they show him walking back that's not a son tv now bang bus it's not there they have rape on pbs it was the first reality show i want i went to this point where this woman is going to a job interview and he's like well if you really want the job i'll fuck you

like somehow they get to come in no teeth i get it. But then he has her bent over and he's like writing on her back. Just fucked up slug. Oh, those are the best. Oh, terrible. Horrible. I was very conflicted.

I don't like those ones. I do like. I like that this respect aspect, but like part of me is, you know, this part of the brain is like, that's not right. And this part of the brain is like, that's so right. Guys, let's quit fucking around snuff films I do like I just saw on the other day with a priest and this woman I certainly didn't mean the same thing offensive about no God but continue

Documentaries Did you say priests in a woman? It's already not realistic memories. Did you say priests and a woman it's already not realistic. But the mother, the lady comes home. Where are you going? I'm going downstairs. I got to get out of here. I want to eat. I got to drive to Connecticut. You don't just leave a show like that. I wasn't in. I wasn't on the first. You were. You were. Yeah. The last minute because I'm a big ax so you go oh we can get votes But first of all when Keith came in I was excited. You're not a I brought key I brought Keith and the girl They have fucking a million followers. They're the fucking big act here. They are this isn't a stand-up show This is a podcast so in the podcast world having them on they get the couch first of all not only do I know that There was only two East Coast podcast invited to the west coast podcast festival and who was it Keith and the girl

and my wife hates me are now two okay and believe you me what the east coast podcast stole the fucking festival your podcast no both of our both years yeah stole the festival oh nice time did you really steal the festival? No, we were in a little while. I can't you say that. What? Why can't you say that you stole the festival? Because there were really good people.

It was a really good time. Because you're not an asshole. That's why. That's the answer. You're not a fucking asshole like flower arms. Flower arms. Fucking, that's your title of the CD right there. Flower arms. As a trucker, that I like. That's your title of the CD right there. Thank you. As a trucker, that I like.

Why did you name your CD, Honk Honk? So you can get in the truck stops. Track one, road pigs. Track two, lot lizards. Track three, chicken. Track four, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken. I just want to put out a new CD, so Doros says it doesn't have more CDs. I know. How many fucking CDs did you do? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Water that's the one one temperatures. It should be it's cold. Oh, that's it next is the blanket suck next

Like guys trash him. He's a funny guy. We if we didn't think it was funny. You think we'd trash him That's not the way it works. Stop acting like you don't know how it works. You fucking right. No, no big two's fucking asshole He's right. We should stop trashin him. Why? Fucking asshole. He's right. We should stop trashin him. Why? Right, we're done. I beat it p-coat Yeah, yeah, well listen. Oh god Is really nice thing is very nice in your rich out the MU on Twitter later on

You can do that when you follow each other That broke my heart last night. Everybody was conflicted. I broke my heart. I was like, I know what, you know what? I should just still follow. I can't. I can't do it. Let me do two plugs.

Uh, obviously my wife hates me and work. We're very, very close to getting out of the business hopefully. We're very close to opening up a new a new piosk in the pyramids mall I wife hates me we're very close for what for a sale on our movie I hope so because you worked your your ass off both of you yeah for a long it's been years five year over five years five year over five years

well five years make four years making it and two years in production and and legal this is a puggle now what the what the the movies women are fun yeah so i did i saw it it's excellent it is very good to know that i really close dates said in February that was a day can you say they no why can you break some news because i know time said they no not show sucks

Makes me out That's like snow said no to us, but it was one of the best knows I ever got it was one it the guy talked to me for 25 fucking minutes. He was we no Thank you And that's why they're number one and that's why Keith of the girl has people branding themselves that type of human right there You know what I wouldn't follow me either. I don't deserve your follow with that type of quick Fucking wit no no no no no no no no Who is it is it is it and Netflix you go on Netflix no

Who is it? Is it is it and Netflix you go on a Netflix no Max you you wait till Netflix lay out Parka Posey is actually gonna why she's doing a show on Netflix. Oh God I love Parker pose. Oh god. I love Parker You just must pose he's on his arm. I love I love Parker. She's great totally fucking government. Oh she's my favorite Touchy we went to Louis CK's Thanksgiving She was there? Everybody was there. Nobody was there. Parker Posey was there playing with Little Max.

Does he follow you on Twitter? Parker Posey does. No, does Louis CK follow you on Twitter? He follows one person. A Colin Quinn, that's it. Just one motherfucker. See if you did that, I would respect you. That's what I do, I only follow.

I went through you fucking follow this. That's what I do. I only follow this. I went through you fucking follow this. Yeah. That's was more insulting knowing who you did hit the fucking yesterday. No, yeah, he follows me. Yeah, if you follow me, he's right. Fucking zoom. Yeah. Yeah, you, you, the fucking yeses you had were fucking more

insulting than not yessing me. But you did like some hardcore creepin, dude. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I had a knowledge. Yeah, I'm fucking married. I got a like some hardcore creepin, dude. You know what I mean? Oh yeah, I had a fun with this shit last night. Yeah, I'm fucking married, I got a kid. Yeah, I'm fucking. You should be trying to read about Keith's followers. That's right, they're talking to my child.

Well, you don't talk to a seven-month-year-old. I'm sure you do. You do. Oh, that's right. That's where you plan to see your fucking idiot. I planted the seed to have him. I see. Whoa, wait a second.

That's coming. That's what I'm doing. You and me can just talk to have him. I don't want to, but we'll just talk. You listen to me, you BDI mother fucker. You're not gonna catch me on this key shit, okay? Yeah. You know, we, you don't even talk to me. I'll see you son of a- I'll see you son of a- We'll talk it out. Rich Voss everybody, follow Rich Voss at uh at rich Voss

uh, that's rich VOS Well, you go and dummy that's not the door that's oh you got to go the bathroom. It's in there to the left I just want to go see out. We should live tweet his bathroom visit. Yeah, well, it would take fucking 20 minutes with that prostate Just it's not like a shitty fountain. What? Nothing? That's um, that this is Noems of a place up here. Go to the bathroom or don't go to the bathroom.

He does a great ending. He always does it and then he fucking ruins it with his stupid anticlimite, trying to get one more. One more little fucking chuckle out of the fucking people and he ruins it. Now, I guarantee he walks out and he doesn't just leave what you should he should walk the moon a great fucking ending Really built up you helped him to the no no no you thank you awesome could walk the fuck out But he's not gonna cuz he's greedy boss He's gonna try to get one more off mic. Nobody's gonna hear it

I'm gonna have to go say it into the mic then he's gonna say it again. It's not gonna be funny That's what's gonna happen. I guarantee. You guys have known each other a while, huh? I've known Rich. You know me and him didn't like each other when we first. He didn't like me. Because he was friends with Norton and everybody and actually, he was the gen micepace.

Just before micepace. But me, Billy and Patrice were friends. Was that Boston versus Jersey thing? No, Billy and Patrice were here before me, so they were friends with Norton and Keith and Voss and everybody. So they would hang out. Then I showed up as the new guy,

and he did his typical, hey, how long have you been doing comedy this long? Go give me a cup of coffee, fuck, and I was like, go fuck yourself, because I thought, you know, whatever. And then we really didn't like each other, and then one night we go to a big fight downstairs Was sitting downstairs and he sent something me he tried to bitch me and I tried I bitch back and I

Through a piece of celery no and you threw my pack of cigarettes across Okay, I threw his cigarettes across the floor. Why did you get celery? I just stood floor. Why did you get celery? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I had my salad in front of me. You know how you used to love salads. And so he, I can let you go. That was, okay.

But no, I had a whole plate of wings downstairs. The celery's on the thing. He flipped the fucking whole tray of wings, but I had sauce on the side. So the sauce went on me. The fucking blue cheese dressing went on me. The celery the sauce went on me, the fucking blue cheese dressing went on me, the celery, everything went on me. And that's when you knew you were really friends. We both stood up, like you mother fucker. We were ready to throw punches that close. And something hit both of

us and like, what are we doing? This is, we're about to fight each other in a comedy club. We hung out every night because we were hanging out, because I was friends with everybody. He was friend, and then from then on, we've been like, fucking, I love him. We've been great friends. But I had to sit there with fucking saucer in my lap. But that was after you jumped out of a car

and threw the cardboard at my head. I'm sorry. You were driving down the street and I threw like a piece of cardboard into the car or something, and you got to help like I don't know what it was Shingle like a cardboard box and I hit you it flew past my head or something really why were you so violent because you were an asshole We were all ass. No you were the word you look it. I will fucking put this out there to a vote Okay, I will fucking I will fucking put it out there to a vote. Okay. I will fucking I will fucking put it out there to a vote.

I am way nicer to new comedians than you. Oh, but not to want. Listen, for are you a new comedian? You are nicer on the road. Do you do you tip your middles and openers? Do you tip them? I've I've given money. Oh yeah.

I'm going to I'm going to assume this is something Rich has been holding on to. So he's probably right what do you think your middle of the it's not so i give i give the money out of the money and i always and i'll have to do this i always create merch that we can all sell

and and make my like i just bought louis gomes on the road with me and uh... and i brought him to and i have merch at the end that I pay for I put the money Up front and I split it like I'll give them have the money. He's a comic Yeah, he's a new comic. Oh, okay, so you got him working up here for free Well, here's real nice. Here's the thing with this job, ready? This intern job, I was, this five seconds away, I had a guy coming who was not a comedian, who just was a fan of the show,

who wanted to be the guy, the intern guy, who knew sound, that's when Kelly, bye, man. He got the, Rich got the just. There's nobody, I really believe this, and I'm so glad for the generation that I came there's nobody, I really believe this, and I'm so glad for the generation that I came up with, because I really did, and I will fucking say this, and I will stand by it, I believe I came up with the funniest motherfuckers ever.

Patrice, Billy Burr, Rich Voss, Keith Robinson, Jim Norton, me, Florentine, Dane, all, that group of motherfuckers that I came up with, especially the New York side of that, I don't know if there's anything, I don't know if he makes a call, I didn't come up with call, but he was part of that, that fucking group of guys that we come up with, there's nobody fucking that can walk into a room and just be funny. Have you seen Mike Kaplan? It's a weird I don't see the next generation. I think they're funny comics, but off like just walking in and just be a funny. You don't see seeing them and throwing some blue cheese on them. It's a different dynamic. Wow. Well that's not

fair. What about Mike Lawrence? I love Mike Lawrence. I'm a big fan of him. I know you guys are just a while. You know why? I know you're a fan of my clients we follow them bad boom bang fucking comic book assholes yeah i don't know i don't know you said you like comic books no i don't what you said comic books and a thing you did my child likes com now you say you don't have a child you said you said comic books over and over and over and over and a thing you do see because I watch your videos

We have a we have a Kickstarter happening right now. I don't think it's it's gonna be going on when this comes up We have a Kickstarter and one of the rewards is we'll draw you will not we but no he says face comments He brings up spider-man and a thing you did. Hey, this is Keith and the girl and we do this and we used to date and bubble and come with video I see your videos Can you give me a water? Can you be a friend to get me a water? I thought you could.

Or should I ask my friend Pat? I think I'm supposed to throw food at you. Yes, I get you water. I thought you get blown on stage. Were you there for that? No, not for that one. I guess you get blown on. No, that was the only time I got blown.

I saw that. Which I really wasn't supposed to get blown blown There was supposed to be a blowjob competition Those had suction cups and they were supposed to stay. Thank you brother They were supposed to stay that actually happened well what happened is we had Bailey J who's you know awesome Fucking great. I talked to them tonight. I love both of them And Lewis Jay Gomez wanted a challenge. He he came up with it I would like to challenge Bailey J to a blowjob competition And I was like okay, and I talked to Bailey because I don't want to offend anybody

You know, I don't they want to suck. I know she's a porn star But that doesn't mean she's just gonna suck dick live a plastic cock in front everybody You know again some fucking fat lip Puerto Rican, you know So she was like okay, I'll do that. I don't give a shit So we bought her a fresh dick and Lewis had his own deck Which was weird. He does it on fair. Well, I think so. Yeah, you can have your own He was a courted Home advantage. Yeah, so he

No, there was no way to To really suck a dick. It has to kind of be on a human so I volunteered to be that person. And- Oh, so you held the dick? In this video. Well, I held it where my dick was. I put what happened was I put it through my pants

to make it look more real. It looked so real. And it kind of looked like my dick should be, like the size it would be. It was not a very big dick. It was kind of a- Oh, I was talking about the skin color. The skin color too, yeah.

Match me and it was like a regular size cock and and Lewis I remember when I knew Lewis sucked a dick before in his life When he said I'm standing there with my feet planted and he goes you're gonna put your leg up And I'm like watch it sucked a dick. He goes just put your leg up I can't do this and I put my leg up and I was like oh my god. Yes. I think you just fucked his face This is a better position to suck a dick for you like Like, if you don't even mean this is better for you to get in there. Like, both feet planted is weird.

It's like a, like, it's just a weird position. Ah, amateur. Yeah, he was, he, and then he went like this. Tuh, but the spit, he did two spits. It's the first spit. He knew wasn't enough. That, and I was like, oh my God, I was see a sign and this, that's it.

You're like, tuh, and then he looked, tuh look to two spits and then push the spit back on the cock to wet the whole fucking thing. Slow it. Slow it. Where's my pen and paper go? Having him down there, even though it wasn't like your actual tick, did it like, did it do a feeling? Did you have a tingle in your back?

I was spine. It made me laugh. I haven't laughed like this scople. How bad was that laughing? It made me laugh. So it was so hilarious To see him do this in front of a live crowd. So Holy shit good like he was trying to win the competition

And he was so yeah, I was giggling just giggly. It was like being Tickled when you didn't want to be tickled that type of high-pitched giggle and then Sounds like you're better than a real blowjob, actually. Bailey was like, I quit. I, he wins and just forfeit it. And now she didn't do it? No, she just forfeit it. I don't know.

It was, she's, there's no way whatever she did was gonna be anti-climactic. Like for the crowd, it would have just sucked. Yeah, she's going first. So she knew comic wise, I'm out. Let to have this moment. He was actually really mad that she I'm like, what's wrong? And he's like, I don't I just I now I'll never know like I'll never know if I was better than her I'm like a fucking serious. He's like I just think I can give a better blow. I'm like dude Fucking relax, but he but isn't she a porn star so he could look up how she does it. I

Am sure he did it's better when you get an award. Would you let him really blow you just to calm him down? Can you answer that question yourself, Keith? I don't know. You're so free-spirited. Am I really fucking stupid? This isn't Keith and the girl. This is fucking you know what dude? No, dumb dumb. You're fucking character. You do really bugs me sometimes would you? I'm gonna talk to you like you're a fucking two-year-old and hopefully that's my thing. That's not a character He's really that much of an asshole He does it all the time What that's that's number three for this guy guys like

Yeah, I know I think you like sugar too. Are you alright? I don't know something wrong with me? I do I think this is not that's not normal dude really I drink two of these I listen water Yeah, but that should have been out by now look it look it. I'm with you. What do you think? I don't know I'm a prostate. I don't know I don't diabetes. I'm a enough of a hyperconjure but I need to yeah You probably have diabetes you want me to call Doc? I'm too late. Is that a thing a hypokondriac, but I need to. Yeah, you probably have diabetes. You want me to call Dr. Diabetes too late. Is that a thing of diabetes? Yeah, and also excessive thirst, too.

Yeah, are you always thirsty? I don't know. I mean, always. I was always... Oh, dude. He has a day that Dr. told me he has diabetes, so he has a clue. No, no, this is just all research I've done. I'm like a kind of a Google hyp-conjury, like a little bit.

And so yeah, I mean- Are you peeing a lot lately? No, I don't mean, no, I'm not like- I think you have AIDS. Ha ha ha. I jumped out of college because I thought I had AIDS. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. You could just take a test, you know. You just thought you had it, why don't you think you have an A? Well, because the actual, I had like all these like psychosomatic symptoms and things that I was like. Did you also have heroin?

This is before that. This is before the heroin and the kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just, heroin does help with AIDS. It does. It helps with it. It helps with it.

It helps with it. It helps with it. You were just fucking a lot of dudes at the time. That was the Dallas Buyers Club when he realized, there's that one shot where he realized how he got it. The flashback to the hooker that gave him AIDS. and it's like, oh god, I've done that. So he just flashbacked like, oh god, I got AIDS. No, it's not just the fucking vagina and the pimples on the side of it.

And I'm like, oh, I got AIDS. I got AIDS. I got it. I fucking got it. So you see the pimple of vagina and you're just, all right. Anyway, the answer is yes. You're in the moment. There's a lot of bull riding going on.

You're in the moment on. Voss is watching you yelling. Tell it you fag. What are you guy? What are you guy? It's like bungee jumping. It's like a thrill, you know. It's thrill seeking.

Yeah, I actually go through all ugly. All vaginas are ugly. That's not like my as well be pimpley. It's not. I love your version. We all different versions of off. It's not like a cock. Cocks at night. I, I, uh, that was a me. it's not that i love your version every other version of off it's not like a cock coxon i think

uh... i i uh... that was a me the worst vagina i've ever seen i was with uh... a friend of mine a com com com com com com black dude who has a post-culting tree trunk i mean the fucking it that big that everybody show you their penis no no no i've you know comics do when you have it like i've seen artis will so Vince will show you if you ask will Let me see it. He'll show you the picture of him on his phone

And his is the biggest I've ever seen I wouldn't even think to ask though because you dick is fucking four inches Why would you but why would I ask other people because you you've never seen it you son of a bitch. You're good Okay, let me see I wish we got that on video. But we didn't, because you're fucking, are you tired? Get off me. Get on with three. So you can take a break.

This fucking asshole. I like how Top Secret covertly he holds up three, and then he goes three. I was with this on the comic, and we hooked up, we were in Vegas, this one I was doing Vegas like every other week at the hard rock, there was this crazy show. And we hooked up, I met this in the pool in Vegas at the hard rock on weekends was fucking crazy.

It was the hottest place to go at that time. Really, just famous people everywhere, you know, bands and Jessica Simpson and fucking Paris Hild, I mean, just walking around, right? And I met this flight attendant, the pool and kind of pretty big titties. Then she came over to my friend, Black Dude, and just took his Johnson out of the side of his shorts. And it was, it was huge. It was like, what the fuck? Playing with it. And so, in this case, it was a Johnston. So we go upstairs to the room. How big are you? Um, six, six, maybe six in a quarter.

On a good day. I can do one fist, two fist in the top of my thumb. On a good day. But that's pushing, that's like forcing my nuts down. You know when you lose weight. You know when you lose weight as like a, when you're a heavy set man, for every 15 pounds you lose your dick grows a quarter inch.

Abs of fucking load up. I can see my dick is so much better now. It fills up better. I get, since I lost, was it 35 pounds or something like that, my dick is, it smells less. No, I'm just kidding. I can't wait for you.

I can't wait to have my dick back. I can't wait to have my dick back. I can't wait to have my dick back. I can't wait to have my dick back, my dick that I grew up with. When you say you can't see it, can you really not see it? I can see my dick now, but when I was at 300? No. Really no? No. To jerk off, I had to assume I was doing it.

No. It's a pay you just pay and then you follow the stream and go on. Yeah, fucking dude. It was that what it is when you go in the men's room and there's piss everywhere. It's because it was somebody fat and they don't know where their dick is. And there's shit all over the seat. They don't know where their asshole is. So stop shitting and pissing in public if you're that big.

So where a diaper, save it. It could be a blind person too. Oh, I didn't think of that. So we go upstairs to this room. If you're blind. All right. Also. He winds up fuck. He winds up fuck.

He literally, she's on the rag. So I'm out. I'm done. Look, you have your period. We'll just fool around. We'll kiss. Maybe you blow us a couple little blow jobs. He go.

I've never seen this. He goes over to this chick and tugs on the fucking tampon like a light switch One's to he goes non-op play. We're gonna have some fun tug tug Boom pops it out and fucking hocks it On the wall Yeah, that's extra. I'm surprised that you're like, it makes you uptight though. It made me fucking gag I'm trying that I've done that before really Yank it out and just they go holy shit if they find it impressive

He then his dick was out and we're both looking at it like we what the fuck? He starts fucking her doggy and she's blowing me and I keep having to push his head And she's blowing me and I keep having to push his head because his head is like almost resting near my clock I'm like good. I'm like dead dead dead dead every couple minutes So then there's a point where I just I'm like, you know, I'm I'm out. This is not me. I walk away He fucks the shit out of her on the couch Did on the ottoman the leather ottoman? I'm fucking in horror So why are you so mad? Because I don't know what to do I'm not a lot of them in the leather. I'm a lot of them in the leather. I'm fucking in horror. So why are you so moved?

I'm because I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go from this. So I'm here, but I'm like, ah, and then he fucks her and he walks away. And she sees me sitting there like, I really didn't do it. And she goes, come here baby. Now she's, and I go, okay, and I walk over

and she gets on all fours. And she goes, she hands me a rubber. And I looked at her vagina. It looked like somebody took a pussy, stuck their fist and grabbed everything and pulled it. Like it was out a pussy that was inside out. I was like, oh my God. I wanted to do need help.

Like this is not right. I've seen a lot of vaginas and this is something's wrong like something's on the outside There shouldn't be on the outside That's how fucked up it was Did you help I put it in I did because I was fucking nervous and I'm a people pleaser But it I stopped because it wasn't it was just nothing it was nothing I've ever felt before It was so fucking stupid and gross and I was done't, it was just nothing. It was nothing I've ever felt before. It was so fucking stupid and gross and I was done.

And then it was my room which fucking, I just was so annoyed that I, my dirty, deviant stupidness, now I'm looking on the ottoman, there's like a puddle, like somebody cut their fucking face shaving. Like there was a puddle of blood on my ottoman. Am I do clean that up? Is it not my, have you cleaned that up, shit man? I on my ottoman I'm like do clean that up. He's not my you clean that up shit man. I have the made I'm like I'm not making a maid. Can you clean up fucking AIDS blood? It was a fucking nightmare and then there's a this story fucks up. We're on the balcony

This is where it gets weird This is where it gets weird this pitch was a clown Smells like a juke joint She was a flight attendant for a major airline, and then there was a bachelor party next door. Like, you won't mention the airline. Ah! Ha!

She, um, or the name of the comic. But, we were on the balcony, and she's, she, I was sitting under like, what the fuck just happened? The other comic comes out, and he's like, yo, money, what's up? And then she comes out naked and the bachelor party was right next door And they saw her and she was like hey, and then we were like yeah, why don't you go over there and she just went over there With them. I've never seen her again

She's a call. I don't know if she's a lie. She'd follow you on Twitter. No, she doesn't follow me I still wait to go on the airline and see her face though to see her be like you I was fucking captive for fucking three weeks She had a nice but hold at least I was on top of a hotel for 38 hours sunburned The rest of her look she was beautiful man if you saw I mean she was really pretty girl Sometimes you got to let a human being be here. You know, every giant. I got hurt like ruined it Like she like she had to do kegels. Something after that, his dick was massive. I've never seen something happen to a vagina like that.

It was just nuts. How would he get that to work? You think he did that to her? The blow job was great, but he was sweating and his head kept getting near my head and he had white stuff in the corner of his mouth. Oh, no. It was making me fucking puke.

But at any point, did you hear her say, ouch. Yes! Fuck yes! Oh my god, yes! Or stop! Stop! That's why she kept, stop! She kept, no, she didn't say stop. But she kept not blowing me because she was like, ah! Oh! And I was like, oh, are you okay? Like, I don't, I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm not that guy. I don't I'm not gonna tug up I have my period. Okay, let's not do it. I'm not gonna tug you a fucking OB out of your snatch like a fucking Do you never sleep? That's not hurting them. No, that doesn't hurt. I don't know. I don't like blood I don't really I'm not a fan of bloody vagina. No, you like bloody vagina. I don't I don't like he doesn't seek it out I'm not gonna like, yeah, for sure.

Back page it. This is a bother me. Blood veg. I look, you gotta be bonded with that person. That's what it is. You know what I mean? You don't have to be the person you're into. Like I'm not gonna go down to this, anybody's ass.

But my girlfriend's ass, sure. Yeah, I need to ask. Random ass. No, random ass. I don't eat random ass. I've eaten random ass, yes. Absolutely. That's what, that used to be one of my things I. Absolutely. That's what it was. I used to be my one of my things

I like doing because I know girls the girls I used to date and Boston never got their ass eating You know what I mean? Why I don't think because you the guys they were with would just fucking those stereotypical Italian Not ass eating Boston. I'm a fucking eating and she shoots from there you Fucking you out of your mind kid Money nass that's fucking Po. I get my dunking donuts. I got a blowjob all fucking eats and pussy. That's it, dude But yeah, I just love eating ass. I don't mind eating ass. I'm I used to love to get my ass You get to be careful with random ass random at why cuz you don't you don't know that person, you know You know what they had for lunch. I know you're talking I got a couple of sweat entitles issue a couple fucking just a kidney bean skin

Oh boy boy boy. I told you I had a girls ass and I toilet paper I was chewing gum eating her pussy and ass and then I got a hunger Paper in my mouth and I panicked and I spit the gum out and swallowed the toilet paper Well, and I was like, oh God. She's like, what's wrong? I was like, nothing. I get tricolaniacis. What is that?

Some weird STD that comes from toilet paper. Wow, you really wanted nobody to laugh at that. I just googled it. He googled it. It's like a joke. You really are a hypocondriac. Yeah, yeah, no, for sure. What are the symptoms of that?

I have, I have no, I just learned about it. Real lips. Real lips. Yeah, yeah. I have to pee a-gold. I just learned about it. Real lips. Brown lips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to pee a lot. What, do you have health insurance? No. Of course not.

Can I look at this guy? Can I tell you something real quick? Of course not. When I didn't have... Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you were like, do you have a favorite set. Of course not. But in New York City, they have these amazing clinics.

You just go in. They had Chelsea Clinic on 55th Street. It went where I lived in Hell's Kitchen. You go in with a pay stub from a comedy club. Like, on the clubs, you know, they send you the W's to at the end of the year. You come in with that, which is going to say, what, a thousand bucks, because you're getting paid

whatever from the comedy clubs in New York. I went in with one from the seller. $25 of visit free prescriptions. And they did ear, they did everything. Eye ear, nose, mouth, flu, whatever the fuck you got. They did your physical, my physicals every year. Anytime I was sick, I walked up there, granted, some days you had to wait in line a little bit.

But, no, it's not like the movies, it's not 1978. They have a bunch of them. Find a clinic in your neighborhood, bring your pay stub in and it's based on what you make a year. And because you're a comic, you can show that shitty fucking club money. What's the, what's the sit in the waiting room all day movie? What, what's that?

I would, I would, I would, i would be called in the barbarian and then i would just listen to the soundtracks no i'm telling you man i i i mean my wife both did that for years before i got uh... yeah i got to something i actually my my my life to be a bicycle messenger yeah i was like twenty two and my mom freaked out so she got me uh... like catastrophic insurance

because she was just nervous That was gonna get hit by a bus and something awful is gonna happen. She figured she wants to you know make some cash out of that Yeah, if that's gonna happen, right? Well, how's she gonna make that's like insurance? Yeah, no, no, no It's just traffic you get killed she gets no, no, no It's just like the deductibles like $10,000. So if I gotta go before we you know I'm a pervert, yeah, yeah, so like that kind of shit I'm covered, but just if I want to go get a trichomoniasis test, I got to come out of pocket for that.

Trichomoniasis. It's the ass eating disease. Yeah, I was just getting a gobble down toilet paper. When you go into the clinic and you say to the doctor that doesn't know what that is, are you going to explain it to her? I don't think there's a doctor that doesn't know what that is. Is it a free clinic? Really? Do you know that if you go to there's a doctor that doesn't know what that is at a free clinic. Really?

Do you know that if you go to an HIV test that this place in Chelsea, they give you a free metro card when you leave? Yeah, because AIDS ain't a thing no more. Yeah, you get a free metro card, that's kind of cool. Taylor has 17 metro cards this week alone. You really can't, didn't they curate, right? They cured it.

I think it's done by the end. It's the new diabetes, right? Yeah, they get the whole amount of that shit. In America, in Africa it kills it. I think it's done by it's the new diabetes right yeah, they get the They say in America. Yeah, an Africa kills you I think Or Haiti somewhere else Does it really yeah, I think so I don't think so yes Not on this podcast We're setting another tone that's cool. Hey, just fine. Why not eat strangers ass. Yeah, dad is it okay, but no period sex Like I said, I don't I don't give a fuck you know if there's blood on your deck. No

The thing is is you're not having period sex here. You're you're not Amidings you're omitting so much time out of the month You're saying dude one week out of the month. I don't fuck. That's what you're that's a period You don't have the my wife doesn't have a period for a week. It's like three days. Four days. Okay, yeah, four days. So four days you don't have sex.

What if you're just like, you know, you're just jonesing for some love making, you know? You know, yeah, so. Wait until Friday. You're fine, everybody has an ass. You're fine. I think you eat it. I think it wasn't that funny.

But I get it though No, I I just don't have sex. What do you got to have sex? You have to you had I've never been I got to fuck you I don't care if there's blood coming out of your hole I'm gonna fucking fuck you and it's gonna hurt cuz the blood makes it dry and then no I've never actually you have been that way you followed that black dude into that fucking bloody pussy Oh, no, I just trying it out. I was it no, but that was my addiction that wasn't a fucking that was like wow This is crazy weird shit that's never gonna happen again That wasn't cuz I had to fuck that bro. I didn't I put it in a couple times and I was like I'm done I wasn't like oh let me do this. I didn't give a it was the story it was the weirdness of it

It was like oh my god let me do this. I didn't give a, it was the story. It was the weirdness of it. It was like, oh my God, this weird, let this shit roll out. But I've never been like, I have to get laid. I have to fuck something, even if there's blood in it. But you start with red condoms. What is that? I don't use into it. No, that makes sense.

Because then you don't see the blood. Oh, well, no, it's gonna be all of you. But you know, like, I don't like, I don't, I don't, I don't, like a blood ph like I don't know I don't like blood. I'm not a fan of bleeding. I don't like blood. I don't have like some people have like serious a versions to you know, I just don't like blood. I don't like blood coming out of the asshole. I don't like shit. I don't like blood. Oh, I love that. Oh, no, you never see the asshole. Here's your thing though. You guys whatever I say you're gonna I'm the burger. I get it, but the fact is I don't like bloody pussy. I like that

So sue me. I like that a red condom could trick you but I didn't mean to talk to you No, I year old. It says it's a it's better. I get it. I know what makes sense. No, here's one It makes that makes sense one time Me and whoever I sleep in was using a red condom and I totally forgot. And then when we were done I was like, holy, oh okay, it just took a second to click in. Well, I just don't like, I don't like the, when you're fucking, I don't like what blood does to the vagina because it dries it up. You'll be banging and the blood, once it hits oxygen, it gets really dry. Oh, I know what you mean, yeah. It gets really dry and it's like,

it's such the fucking hurt. I don't like that part of it. So fucking with blood is gross. And it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good as regular, regular pussy juice. I love a regular pussy. I love sumi. I love just a regular old pussy.

I'm sorry. I love when God said you should fuck a pussy. That's what I like. All right, you guys wanna go fuck when God said not the fuck because he even put blood in it. Hey, I don't want them touching it now. What Bible verse is God saying that you need to eat asshole? James versus...

Versus Goliath. In Judaism, you make him sleep with the woman sleep with the cattle, right? Yeah. That's in the waddle. Sleep with the cattle. You have to sleep with the cow. They sleep with the cow. yeah that's in the what sleep with the cattle sleep with the sleep with the fuck with the woman is on her cycle she sleeps with the beasts or something that's like isn't that it that's like it was it was

almost positive that's in the vizikus they're not allowed to have sex when the one woman's bleeding and that's why they supposedly why they separate men and women in the synagogues when you're more conservative there is the thing of like there's a sheet between you and you're having sex but I think like some of that is myth but probably some of the women. And the woman's got a bathe in the mickva after it's over. Right. Yeah. But that's really religious. Yeah, that's like no, I'm not talking about just like, you know, Yeah, Jacob that you work with. I'm talking about like a Like a great, what a great Jewish name. You're talking about Yakov. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You'd see in the game. You didn't see. You're talking about chiam. Why, you don't like, you don't mind blood. I prefer it.

You know what, since you got me talking, I prefer blood. I put glass in there. I like shit fucked up. No, I don't. You put a pickle bottle in there and kick her in the toilet. I don't mind it. I'm trying.

I'm trying. I'm trying to think about the, the dried up stuff you're talking about. I find it's slippery or? No, it's not. It's slippery or inside, but when the blood works its way out, when blood hits air, it's... I keep it in.

It coagulates. It does. It coagulates. It dries up. That's what it's supposed to do. So you heal yourself. Well, look at you guys last, and good for you. I like it. So you like blood?

No, not the way you're saying it to everybody. So you're a vampire I don't mind you like bloody pussy that tampon He just needs to be invited you put raisin blades on your dick. You made your dick like the knife in seven I you What's the movie where the woman's vagina is it teeth? It has teeth in it. I think it's called It's called teeth. Yeah, is a really a movie that it's a documentary and there's an anti-rained device that they make when women can put in their vaginas and when you stick your dick in it like closes in.

Yeah, clam sound it with like little spikes. That's a real thing. Let's go. You want the guy clamped to you to the cop show up. Yeah. If you weepers are you like weepers. I got you now motherfuckers. Not unless you want to cut your dick to shreds. So you have to stay and yeah until she gets the sweet you can just bat you think it's maybe pull it out and

it's a trap I don't know exactly how it works so he can just beat the shit out of you yeah you just can and will yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna agree I'm going to jail anyway I think the idea is just discouragement though or what do you call it like just where but you know she have like a fucking like an alarm pack. You were a hat. You have a hat like an eight. And one of those alarm fun. ADT. ADT patch on her pussy protected by alarm me on her stomach.

Protected by vipers. Stand back. No, she has a button as I would. This putty pussy will latch onto your cock. That's like a Chinese dick trap. So you you don't I know you don't, you're a fucking freak. What are you talking about, blog?

You'll fuck with blood. Well, only if it's girl I'm like bonded to, you know what I mean? So if you're banging a chick that you just met and she starts bleeding, you're out. I don't see that happening, I would know. You know what I mean? No, sometimes they don't tell you. I'm not gonna stop, and I, I fucked a girl once.

It was our second date, and we fucked in my roommates' bed, who was a queen, just a gayist of gay guys, but he had a TV in his room. I didn't. So we're watching TV, we're gonna fucking, and then all of a sudden it got really dry, and I was like, oh shit, why is it so dry?

I looked, there was blood everywhere, everywhere. I was like, she was like, oh my God, I didn't know. I was like, you know, motherfucker. No, that could happen in the middle. All right, but- That could happen because I think I also think that it helps bring it down. She, women usually tell you I'm on the rag.

No, no, but she could have gotten it as a- Right, that's what I'm telling him. Could have been a miscarriage. You know, I wasn't- Not bad, I like.'t I like a little hand like gay roommate him. Oh, I just wanted him We've been trying for so long do you mind? With a reset a dead pop. Oh, boy. Um, so you and you don't give a fuck no, I don't I don't Chris. What about you? Depends on oh Nasty so you and you don't give a fuck no i don't i don't know what about you uh... depends on how shit you nasty uh...

we're saying that you don't think it's kind of insulting i guess a woman like if you were with a guy and he's like us and i'm not into it you would you would be kind of hurt might or like what a dick i think i would have been hurt by it but i think that's that's not your thing then four, it's not you're saying, I don't know. It's, it's, it sucks because it's, you know, it's, it's a restriction and why restrict. Is it better sex, I've heard this,

I don't know if it's a rumor that it's better women, sex for women when they're on their period is better for them. It's more heightened. Is that a, is that a bullshit? I don't, I mean, not in my experience, but yeah. I know this is weird, but some women are different from other women No, but I know you're going against everything I'm saying

I'm just coming up with a fuck no, no, no, but it's fucking thin plot Listen I get what both of you fucking clown fucking assholes doing Fucking assholes doing Our show now Right exactly what I'm saying is I've heard that that's generally that women feel that's what I'm saying is that I don't know if it's true But I've heard that a bunch of times that when you when you have women have sex on the period It's better for them. They enjoy it more. That's so that's something that I I know that it could be Maybe you're more sensitive also maybe you've never heard that. I think it sounds you've heard that maybe you know what I mean.

You have to back me up to protect me. I've heard that. No, I've heard. I could get a fuck about both of these. It doesn't sound unfit. He doesn't follow me on Twitter. There's a lot of them. There's a lot of urban legends about the vagina.

No, I think that me. Like girl like what? Like I know like like it's what I can hear like I can imagine a bunch of girls Just like one girl says that right in a group, but then they all go like that's totally true I'm gonna tell my friends about it and it's and it's just based on nothing at all It's just like they're trying to have a common thing and like bond No, no not at all no because we like if we're gonna talk about it We really genuinely compare and it gets pretty well

They're more they're much more complex than our situation. Can you imagine imagine the poor waiter at that brunch We should end on that joke All right, listen guys we got to wrap this up. I gotta get the fuck home. What time is it? Holy shit Bobby can I ask you a question? Will you ever come and do my podcast? I would do your show anytime you want to do it as long as you do it here. Okay. No I'm kidding, I'll go to where? Where is it?

What are you doing? This is much nicer than our play. Do you want to do it? You can do it here if you want. I'll produce it too if you want me to do it. I'll do all the shit. You have fun. But I'll do your show any time.

Crick in the cave. whenever you want to do it Just let me know what do you do it? We Wednesdays 5 30. Wednesdays a 5 30s is perfect for me. All right, great We'll book it that was no you guys are in Queens It's a it's a weird thing because now I used to take the subway ever our cabin now I'm driving like I drove to them for the first time. It gonna be the same distance it was so easy i couldn't believe a fucking i was panicking i was fucking flipping up the absolutely whenever you want to call me uh... plug your podcast new york city crime report it's all it's comedy

podcast about crime in new york city it's the only one of its kind i mean bob cat goldway did it and we we interview crime victims we had joe lezito subway hero on you know we talk about uh... you know like the guy in long island who murder he acts murdered his mother i fucking love your show dude i love the concept of it i really do i will and i i'm i'm excited for a becker and cave comedy ravi that they got you but uh... i would fucking love your show and on network

alright yeah but it's not happening well make me an offer, you know. $3,000. I'm here. That's it. Really? Yes. Yes.

I would have done it for 30,000 bucks. That joke was for Keith. Get it? I love that you laugh at what I do that. You can tell you guys used to be a couple. She's like, I get it. Ha ha ha. Anyways, what do you got, man?

What's going on, Tyler? Um, Oh, February 12. I have a new show with Joe Zimmerman and John O'Zalai. I don't know if you've met them. Joe was on the show. I love Joe. Yeah, he came on and he got fucked up with Gary. Yeah, he told me about that.

We lived together and we had a show. I like Joe a lot. Well, I want him back on. You should bring him on. He's on the road, but I'll tell him. He came on on he sat here first time and he said something that triggered gum and off and then gum We've been gum is the best but gum and you know when says someone says something I was like what the fuck does that mean and he was just trying to be funny And it was weird for your first time on the show, but yeah February 12th at over the eight hot crowd with Joseph

Minjean Zalai and me and bunch of really amazing comics. It's great. And follow me on Twitter, Taylor Ketchon. That's it. Yeah. Look, follow him if you want to follow him. If you want to be friends with him, I follow back. I promise. I don't follow back. If you're a friend of mine in the business, I follow back. But whatever. What do you guys get going on? Besides your amazing fucking hit show that you're living in to do this show. I don't know why you guys can why are you guys said yes to this because you're our friend. Well, I think she said yes. I thank you. I guarantee

you a bitching. After your show like no, we have to go where at Keith and the girl.com we're on iTunes and your Keith and the girl. We have a marathon you know, we have to go. Where at Keith and the Girl.com, we're on iTunes and Dr. Keith and the Girl. We have a marathon coming up where we just go, where I go in at least 30 hours. We've done like 76 hours, we'll see how long we go this time. March first, it starts. But go to Keith and the Girl.com, we're a comedy talk show.

We've been going for almost nine years. The original, one of the originals, I would say, and especially on the East Coast, you guys kind of set the tone for what the originals I would say and especially on these coast you guys kind of set the tone for what the hell is happening now so if you guys five days a week and that's you know at least an hour at least an hour every day and they're fucking hilarious funny interesting and really good people so make sure you go check out Keith and the Grove you're a fan of the show of the network you're gonna be a fan of them so sure you go check out Keith and the Grove. You're a fan of the show of the network. You're gonna be a fan of them.

So go check them out at KeithandTheGrow.com. And we got Chris Goppo. Do you have anything? Just my Twitter at Chris Goppo. Oh, he's so fucking, what is it? Chris Goppo. Make sure you follow Chris Goppo on Twitter. He follows back.

Will you follow people back? No. If I like you. I would not. It's pretty cocky for a fucking guy. fall people back? No. If I like you, I would not. If I like you. It's pretty cocky for a fucking guy with 200 people on his fucking. No, I'm not going to follow some random dude. You don't fucking say it over the air. You say that to yourself and your head. All right. I'll follow you. All right. There you go. Follow him on Twitter and you can go see me where? The new mouse. Fucked up. Go see him in the new mouse.

They got a new he got a new mouse for the 13th 14th and 15th. You're at the improv in Atlanta, Georgia. That's your makeup show. 21st, 22nd. The comedy connection in Providence, Rhode Island with fucking real ass dude Lewis Gomez. The only new this was coming? The part. The part. The part. March 6th, you're going to be the Rebel, Resort Casino, and Atlantic City. Well, I love that place. I love that.

You go in. It's a brand new casino in Atlantic City. All the rooms are fucking brand new. The showroom is like old Vegas, but you go in and you do 45 minutes, because in Casinos, go on, get the fuck off. It's such a great gig. It's always keep gambling. No, I don't gamble. And then the no way you're getting you. Yeah, I gamble like 25 cents slot machine wheel of fortune. I get one spin wheel and then I'm out. I win

or lose. I'm done. I'm just happy. I got the little. That's all I want is wheel. Oh, dude, dude, dude, dude, bro, good, good, good, good, good twenty five cents on so yeah i love that game keep going uh... the seventh the next night you'll be at the bush nut bushnell theater and heart for a connecticut twenty-eighth and twenty-ninth of march will be at uncle vines and point pleasant new jersey and then the big one and then eight point-teenth bobby cowboys coming

back home to the will but theater kid in Boston, Massachusetts. Get your tickets now for that. They've been on pre sale for a while, so make sure you get your tickets now before the place packs up and sells out. Make sure you guys go. You guys have heard of Hulu.com. Of course. Love it. That's how I watch TV. Well, now they got Hulu Plus.com. I have that seriously. Which is amazing because you I watch TV. Well, now they got Hulu Plus.com. I have that, seriously.

Which is amazing because you can watch shows anytime anywhere on your iPad, your iPhone, your computer, your TV, your Apple TV. With Hulu Plus, you get to watch thousands of hit movies and shows right in your living room or on the go with Hulu Plus. You can also watch your favorite shows like SNL, Jimmy Kimmelive, Shark Tank and Scandled. Do you guys watch Shark Tank? I know of it. I watch Bugsburgers and Family Guy and community.

Communities on there, Lawn Order, Doctor Who, the new one which I like. And they also have new original content, which I love that they're doing, because they're actually like a network now. They're coming up shows, it's more opportunities for people, creative people to write stuff or act and stuff and get hired, which I love. And-

My nearest resolution was to try to do a little bit of yoga every day, the 10 minute yoga thing on Hulu Plus, I do it every morning. It's fucking crazy. And you can do it on your phone in a hotel room. Totally. You can do it right on your iPad.

They got Hulu's originals like the wrong man and behind the mask, Hulu's new docky series, which is pretty cool. I watched a couple episodes. It's called, it's called, it's behind the mask and it takes you inside the world of sports mascots, which is weird. I saw some of that.

It's weird, right? Oh, they're so intense in them. I almost fought one. I almost got in a fight with the tarpon, the turtle, from Maryland. They take this shit so seriously. I was fucking about to fight him. And I was looking for the mesh in his mouth

to see where his face was. Because when I punched that, I didn't want to punch like an air. I wanted to make sure that, yeah, we almost fought on tour gas. I was beat the fuck out of the talk. And I'm glad I didn't hit this guy because he was fucking huge. He was a big mother fucking boy. He was like a gymnast.

So you know, he could have just taken me out. Usually when you see a mascot and a regular guy, you go, the other fight must be the mascot's fault. Because they're hassles. Right, you know what I mean? Yeah, I was with you. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm saying it's probably your fault.

Oh yeah, it was my fault. Leave the mascot alone. It wasn't the mascot. I don't know, I don't know. You got to watch the show because they are such special people. They're like so intense. I'll tell you what it was. It was a setup.

They were telling me that there was a joke. They were playing, and Torgasm. It was on Torgasm, right? They were telling me that he's gonna be on stage while I'm doing my thing, just kind of shake it hands. And I'm like, no, this is not happening. I'm like, no, it's kind of in the contract. I go, I'm not having a fucking turtle.

And I, you know, I got all bossin. There's not gonna be a fucking turtle on stage while I'm fucking, this is what I do. I'm a fucking stand up. I'm a fucking grown man I know there's no turtles and then he came on the bus And I'm like get the dude give us a second and he goes no, no, no, he had the whole thing on To some day I go get the fuck out of here. He kept coming up. I go dead

I'm gonna fucking knock you the fuck out get the fuck off the bus He's like, let me just tell you and I'm like shut the fuck and then everybody started laughing I'm like fuck you and he took the thing enough as I go. I'm so glad. But check this out. Whooplus. You can also get all kinds of collections, add free movies, kids stuff for only 799 a month. You can catch up on current shows, binge watch, which is the new thing binge watch on old favorites, great movies stream as many TV shows and movies as you want wherever you want right now for Hulu plus you can try it free for two weeks if you go to Hulu plus dot com

slash dude you got to go to Hulu plus dot com slash dude and that's a special offer for our listeners only and I know there's a bunch of fucking put the slash in or put dude in but listen Just do it go get two free weeks even if you don't want it who gives a shit? You're helping out the show you getting something for free and you're helping the economy move forward So you're helping America you're being a patriot by doing this. I think I saw this on the state of the union Right exactly and make sure you go to hulu plus.com slash dude for your extended free trial. Huluplus.com slash dude. And here's another thing. I want you to go to Reddit at the, what is this?

What the fuck is this? I just said Reddit at the end of the show. Where's the thing? I need the link, dummy. How am I gonna promote it without it? You didn't, oh, I found it. You're gonna blame me, right? You're gonna fucking excuse it?

No, I said it. No, you about to excuse it. No, no. Tell me the excuse, I wanna hear it. You didn't give me the right? You're not fucking excuse it. No, I said it. No, you're about to excuse it. No, no. Tell me the excuse. I want to hear it. You didn't give me the link. You didn't. Is that my job to give you the link?

I told you at the beginning to get that and give it to me at the end of the show. No, you just said, tell me. Remind me at the end of the show. I see that makes sense. So that's not your fault. It's my fault. See how that works?

Oh, that ended nice. A lot of these shows are nantical, mactic. Who's that, Pat? That's at the end of the dice. Oh, all right. What is it? What is nantical, amactic. Who's that Pat? That's set it into nice. Oh, all right. What is it? What is it? Oh, here it is right here.

Go to reddit.com slash r slash ykwd. Jesus, could they put more slashes in there? There's this should be one slash. Anytime you do, anyways, the guys at reddit put this up for us. It's a nice, cool message board. It's, again, it is Reddit.com

slash r slash ykwd go there and you can You know you guys are in all that red stuff. What is that again? What do people unread it are used to the slash are? How they do so they're used to it. I fuck it. Thank you. See how fucking awesome you are I'm gonna follow you again. Even though I will follow you. I'm going back to fall even though you don't have to I'm gonna tweet at you so hard You're gonna be sick of me. Oh, it's gonna suck Robert. May I follow you? Please Bobby, yes you may thank you. I would like to follow you back I appreciate that I was enjoying your rant. Thank you. I would like to follow you back. I appreciate that because I was enjoying your rant. Thank you I enjoy your rants and now that I know like each other's blood holes now it's time. Mm-hmm. Keep going

I like it. Let's sing that like each other's blood holes now it's time. I'll give you a quarter I'll give you a dime. I'll eat your pussy even though it's blood I'll fuck your wife cause you're my bud. You know what, dude. You guys are the best. Thank you so much for coming on. Take care guys. You've been listening to the YKWD podcast.

Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free, and they're all free. Don't stop filming my faith. Don't stop filming my bed. Don't stop filming my bed. Don't stop.

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