Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Bobby Lee | Magical

Episode Date: February 26, 2023

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Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta de dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la dicción especial de Madrid nos lía. Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid. 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del 3 por 1 en mediana, salomicidio solo pidiendo al line. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1, ahas a domicidio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1, ah no no no. ¡Dominos!

Pizzah. ¿Buscas contenido gratis? ¡I wanna be see! Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o Sensación de Vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. ¡Ya baby, we're starting the podcast right now! en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. I can get home, school, back in the day We're all starting before them all I can't hide my pain, I can't hide my pain This podcast is so fun and crazy

And there's no rules Shut up, you all are winning this Break the block, damn it, I'm sorry It's a comedy podcast, this is an NPR That's the podcast done Is there any better show? This is the original original What's up everybody? Robert Kelly here, a special episode, a Sunday episode.

We're recording here at the studio on Sunday. I came all the way in from my house, left my family, left my beautiful son, left my beautiful wife for this very special episode of YKWD. I am here with a very funny comedian, one of the biggest podcastes out there. And I've always liked, considered a friend, and I don't know, I don't know, we have things to work out, I guess.

And he's here today, give it up for Bobbie Lee, everybody. I can't know. We have things to work out, I guess. And he's here today. Give it up for Bobbie Lee, everybody. Yeah. Bobbie Lee. His microphone's not working. No, I can't hear the head. No, I can't. His mic's not working. Guys. His mic's not working. Yes. Good. That's good. We'll edit this out. Don't worry.

Start from the top. There it is. Thank you very much, guys. Start from the top. Start from the top. Five guys. Start from the top. Start from the top. Guys. Do't do it again. Start from the top. There it is. Thank you very much guys. Start from the top. Five guys. Start from the top. Guys, do the whole thing again.

Hey everybody, how you doing? Robert Kelly here. A very special episode. I left my beautiful family, my son Maximus, my wife, Don, to be here on a Sunday for this very special guest who I've been wanting to do his podcast, wanting to do my podcast, wanting to maybe get in touch with again, to kind of get clear the air, maybe reconnect, I don't know the word, but we have a lot to talk about.

We have to talk about nothing. We have stuff to talk about. I believe we have stuff to talk about. So here's the deal. Yes. Good to see you and good to be here. Good to see you and you're sick too. So I give you.

I had stomach virus today as a guy. I just left the, I haven't eaten in two days and I'm delirious but I had to come and I canceled two spots here at the cellar last night because of my stomach virus. And I came here because I needed to come here because I need to clear the air with you. Okay.

Number one, number one. Can I ask you a question real quick? Are you faking a Chinese accent right now, Korean accent? No, I'm cold. And when I'm cold, the thing comes out. Oh, you can. When I get cold and horny,

do what I get horny, the Asian accent comes out. The Asian accent comes out. I want to eat the pussy. Yeah. Can I eat the pussy? You know what I mean? So it's like, that's what happens.

Okay, because I caught a hint of it. I don't know the pussy right now. Yeah, yeah. Can I eat the pussy right now? You know what I mean? So it's like, that's what happens. Okay, because I caught a hint of it. I don't know. Well yeah, all right. So is this better? What's up, dude? I mean, dude, I like both. I like both. Oh, really?

So let me just say, you know, a couple of years ago, maybe five or six years ago, I hadn't seen you in a long time and I was at the Montreal Comedy Festival. Okay. No, no, yes, because I have a version two that goes a little further back. No, I understand that, but can I tell you my version? This is Bobby's version, no version, which is, you know, at this two sides, every story. Okay, then before that,

though, I had known you, we had done a commercial together. Okay, we had done, before that, we were both in AA. So, guys, before that, I met you on Opian Anthony, way back in the day. I met you in LA. LA, so we've had history together. History. And good thoughts, loving thoughts.

Always. Good connection, right? Yes. So, that being said, I'm in Montreal, I'm scared. The first time I've ever been at that festival. Ooh, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Right, I was kind of bitter. I've been there 15 times. I know, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Right, I was kind of bitter.

I've been there 15 times. I know, exactly. And that's, I'm bitter. Okay, so mind you, I'm in Montreal going, oh, this is the first time I've ever been up here. Right. Or invited. I go every year.

It's like almost when they think like, I'm not going because they haven't called it. It's like, oh, we just assume that you're coming. No, but go ahead, you're first year. Yeah, okay. That's a good year, you know. You don't talk to Ronnie Cheng like that. I would never put all right.

He was in a marvel movie. I know. He's King Asia. So I watch connection. I know. So here's the deal. I see you in Montreal. I look at you, I go, oh my God,

there's my old friend Bobby Kelly. I don't know anybody up here. I'm gonna go say, hi, come up to you, right? And you completely shut down You shut down, okay, right? Okay, and I go I think I go Where's the party at or whatever and you completely went? I don't know man No, hello or nothing, and then I go I walked away going there's an issue there. Number one. He's being rude. Oh, I'm rude number two He looks like shit.

I look like you look like shit. I add number three, right? Um, I was utterly bombed in. And, and that stayed with me for years. And every time your name would come up, yeah, I would say to people, I go, I don't know. I mean, I'm an angelic guy. Oh, my, you're known for being angelic. I think I'm well liked. You are well liked. I think I'm well liked. You're well liked. You're well liked.

Yes, you are. And you're not angelic even me. Well liked, I will agree with. Angelic means that's Ryan Hamilton is angelic. Okay, I'm not angelic. You're not angelic. You're right. Let's just erase that from the record.

Can I be diabolical? You can be, I would say diabol, I would say, diabolically liked. Okay, diabolically liked. Okay, yes. So, um, I liked it. And then your name's coming up from Santino. Right, I love Santino.

What a fucking, let me tell you something about that Santino. I have never clicked with a human being in my life. More than I've, I might say, his friendship is addictive. I mean, I will wow alpha males like alpha males. I don't know what it is, but he is. You're an alpha male. I mean, I don't like redheads. Yeah. I mean, redheads historically just bug me. Yeah. But I like him. Anyway, and I kept saying to Andrew, I go,

he doesn't like me. And then you were on the phone with him somewhere, I was out of town or whatever. Yeah. And he mentioned to you, no, no, no, no, no, R.A. the Jew. Remember the Jew? The big one?

Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a big Jew. He's got a... I told, I said the R.A. I go, your friend Bobby Kelly doesn't like Jew. He's got he I told I go I said the hour ago Yeah, your friend Bobby killer doesn't and then he already said to me no, he likes you and then so what was the issue then? Okay, can we go back all right? Let's go back because Bobby I feel like you have a selective memory. I don't that's ridiculous Oh, okay, that's so ridiculous. Dude my brain brain is. Do you? Now, you, now, let's go, you know, like those movies where they show the guy,

his angle, but then they show, they show the guy's angle, they show the reverse of what the other person was going through, let's do that. Okay, we saw you walking up, I'm scared, my friend, you saw me and you walked up and I was just like mean and rude and then you walked away hurt and you were like, what the fuck, for friend, you saw me and you walked up and I was just like mean and rude and then you walked away hurt and you were like, what the fuck for years, right?

Now let's do the reverse. I'm on the other end. I just had an issue with somebody inside. I was talking to Alonzo Bowden about some stuff at the festival. At the festival. So you walked in during a heated moment, right? You walked in during like a serious thing and my kid was like, I don't even like black people.

Hang on, that's not. That's a good guy. That's first of all. He's a good guy. First of all, that was not what he said. Like he's one of those green mile blacks. He's a really, really magical. Yeah, when he makes white people jokes,

I agree with him. I'm like happy. I really like him. I love him too. We were talking and my kid was about to come up, right? With my family, you pulled you dick out. That's so crazy. What are you talking about?

I pulled my penis out and Montreal. Outside, yes. You pulled you dick out. You pulled you dick out. So I'm sitting there. You know what's so, let's call's great. Let's call Lonzo. Let's call a Lonzo right now. Oh Okay, let's call you don't remember this call the magical black guy. Okay, let's see what happens you all right because You know it's bullshit though. You said there's something about me threatening to punch you wait

I'm getting to that. That's another thing. So there's two things a dick and punch. There's a dick punch Oh, there's a dick. Okay. There's a dick and punch. You ready? I hope he doesn't pick up. Oh, I'm getting to that. That's another thing. So there's two things. A dick and punch. There's a dick punch. Oh, there's a dick. Okay. There's a dick and punch. You ready? I hope he doesn't pick up. Oh, I hope he does. Hello, Alonzo. So it's back to T-Mobile. Bad service at a cheap price. May not get your call. I may not get your message. You might want a text speak, but thanks for calling. Thank you. Talk to you soon. He's doing jokes on his outgoing and so stupid. What is it? 1985? What the fuck is that? It's a last comic stand. I'm going to recall it now, because I don't trust it. They do the last comic standing.

Ah, okay. Let's go further back. Let's go further back, Bobby. Can I argue with the point that why would I pull my penis out in Mont Canada and risk getting arrested? I don't know the fucking rules. Great. Let me ask you question.

Right. Have you ever just pulled your penis out? In what situation? Any, as a defense mechanism, yes. Okay, I'm just saying. I'm just saying ask me if I have. Does a snake have a rattle? Yes.

I would dick. Okay. So you're dick. I get scared and my dick comes out. That's it. Yeah, yeah. So you dick is your rattle. And you scared the shit out of me. So, but you know what?

Because of your attitude. What happens when you hear a rattle on a rattle sink? What happens to that person that he is that? What happens? It depends on what kind of what you are. If you're Steve Irwin, you investigate. Okay. You're not a Steve Irwin or not.

So what are you then? I am your coward. No, I'm not a coward. I'm a regular man. Oh, okay, my bad. And I heard, and I heard, and I heard the rattle of your cock and what it'd do. It scared me away.

But are you scared of a little Korean rattle? It's scary, Bobby. Korean rattles? What scary is that I was having this conversation with like a Londo about this serious thing and you walked up with, hey, and then you pulled your cock out, and I was like, I went like this.

I was like, what the fuck, dude? I said, the fuck, dude, put your dick away. I don't remember doing that, 100%. Okay, 100%. If you say that, there's one thing I don't do, Bobby, is lie. I don't. I don't either.

Did you hear people laughing? I know, people are laughing. So I think do you do lie. I don't, okay. Or I you know, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I hope so. I pulled my dick out. You did. But you put the issue before the issue. Okay. So punching one. So we book an industrial, I would call it not a commercial because it's only going to be seen internally through the bank that hired us. People don't know what these are. So they're learning video. What are you talking about? That's the thing we shot.

That was not meant. Or the commercial thing. The commercial thing was, it was an internal commercial for a bank. Huge, we're getting paid, sick, calm money to do this. There's a whole world, this famous people world that everybody tries to get through. There's a whole other world of industrial stuff

where you're getting a lot of money to do a little skit or video for a huge corporation that will never be seen by anybody. Okay. We book this. I am scared like you, but I don't have a rattle.

I don't have a rattle. I don't have a little ding thing that I can take out. I just have to hold on to my fear. I'm scared. Well, you have a rattle. that I can take out. I just have to hold on to my fear. I'm scared. Well, you have a rattle, you're just afraid to lose it. I am afraid to use it. So you have a rattle. I do have it, right?

But you're afraid to use it. I'm afraid to use it. Okay. And those snakes die. When a snake doesn't use this rattle, they die in the wilderness. This, the rattle falls off. Whatever.

Okay. Okay. Then I'll use my rattle more. You should. I will. Iattle falls off. Whatever. Okay. Okay. Then I'll use my rattle more. You should. I will. I'll use it. And let me say something. Yes.

Right? Yes. Because you've lost the weight. Yes. Probably be rattle now. I probably have a better rattle. Not a better one. I'd say better.

Well, you know, if you can, anyway, let's move on. Okay. All right. So we do, we book this thing in LA. Okay. I get the best stallings there. I don't know her. Oh, yeah, she's great. One of my, we became great friends on this thing in LA. Okay. I get the best stallings there. I don't know her. Oh yeah, she's great.

One of my friends, we became great friends on that. Love her. There was another guy there, I forget his name, other comedian. I just remember the level of, the director was Mitch. Yep. Mitch who, her, what's, who did, rest of the development, great guy.

Yeah, as soon as I heard you and Mitch, I'm on. Soon as I heard you and Mitch, I'm on. As soon as I heard you and Mitch, I was on too. And then I'm back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back and ridiculous what you're about to find out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that something that I would do. So good. So we're there. And I was so excited to meet you. What did you meet you? We met before. But I was so excited to see you. Sorry, I used the wrong word. See what I'm saying?

What do you, don't turn my produces against me. They all have ought to meet. Or is that the first thing we met? Listen, no. We was the first time we're doing something together I'm sitting here with Bobby Lee from mad TV. Yeah, and I'm here. I'm here with the guy from what's the call tourgasm Right right there are tourgasms Very good stuff you and Jay Davis my god

I've been in Castelo did Next level dog Next go ahead. He's probably appreciate that. Yeah, I sincerely in love it Beautiful so was sitting outside. I'm smoking a butter something a tie and you're outside and you're kind of in your own head You kind of like sitting there outside your trailer, kind of pissed off at something. No, but then you said, you come out, I was a hey man, good to see you,

and we had a little exchange. And then we go to shoot, we're in the diner scene. Remember the diner scene? That's something. I mean, yeah, man, that's something. Oh, I mean, yeah. I literally have a photo of you and I together in front of your trailer. Yeah, smiling a little baby. 100% right? So that encounter I had with, oh, there's Bobby Kelly in front of your

trailer. Yeah, smiling like a little baby. Yeah, we were smiling. Okay, I took that photo. You wanted nothing to do with me. Do you have the photo? Yes. Yeah, I don't have it. Huh? I don't have it. Okay. So you took the photo. I did. Okay. Okay. So I was like, Hey, can we, and you're like, yeah, yeah, I said, whatever.

Yeah, yeah. But whatever. I was like, I might as probably has a hard day with something happen. Who the fuck knows, right? We go to shoot and you, my friend, we're fucking angry about something. You were mad at me about something.

I don't know what it was, but you were kind of snapping at me a little bit. And you're like, you fucking, you said you knew your comics. Something to that effect. Like, you guys think you're bad asses or something like that. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I do not think that. No, you do. What? Do I think what? You guys are bad asses. I think you have leather jackets. I think you have leather jackets. We do have it. We get smoke cigarettes.

It gets cold. I know. We need something to do. We don't have, hey, how you doing? You have that fucking thing. Well, not all of us. How you doing? Not all of us.

And I get intimidated. All right, well, okay. That ass. Okay. Fonsy. For instance, Fonsy, dude. Yeah. Well, you're the guy in the kitchen.

What's his name? Ow. Ow. Ow. I said, ow. You're the guy in the kitchen, what's his name? Ow. Ow, you're out. Yeah, yeah, I'm Ow. I said, Ow. You're Fonsi, right? Right. And Ow's a West Coast comic, right? Nice to everybody. Okay, wait for his time.

I thought that was true, I thought it was true. And you might, I'll give you that, I have tone issues. Exactly. Okay, I have tone issues. Okay, good. I'm unaware of them. You have them. But I'm unaware of them.

I love you, but go on. And you're saying that I threatened you. Okay, wait've toned issues. Okay, good. I'm unaware of them. You have them. But I'm unaware of them. I love you, but go on. And you're saying that I threatened you. Okay, wait, wait. Okay. We're at the table. Yeah, yeah. And we're sitting there in between takes, miked up. This is recorded somewhere.

Somebody has the audio of this. Yeah. Because you said to me, across the table, you were like, I said something, I go, dude, fucking, fuck you dude with that shit. And you go, I'll jump across this fucking table and rip your throat out. That's what you said to me. Oh my god, this fucking guy. Look at me. Look at me.

Yeah. Look at me. I'm looking at you. You said, yeah, I'll jump across this table. Look like this too. You had your little teeth like this. You went, I'll jump across this fucking table. like this too. You had your little teeth like this. You went, I don't jump across his fucking table. It would be a throwout. Something like that.

I went, and I went, you don't remember me going, go ahead, I said to you, go ahead, you fucking cocks. I could see what happened. You don't remember that? Yeah. No, I don't remember that. Yes, why would I, fuck, no no. Okay, number one, you're a nice Bobby Lee.

You're the one everybody loves. Wait, wait, wait, listen, let's come, can we just, can we just, right? Yeah. Let's come back to plan it. Stop trying to get them on your side. Look at me, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, right? I'm gonna look this way. Look away, don't look at any of these. There's no one there. I don't care.

I don't want them looking at you. It's one of the things you guys know. Is this make sense to you? Right? I'm there with Mitch, the guy that created a rusted development at a corporate job, Mike Dopp, and I tell a guy who could obviously kick my ass, right? Then I'm gonna jump across the table

and rip your throat out. I don't know. Does that make any fucking sense to anybody in this world? That sounds like you, if you can't fight regular, that's what you would do. What? You jump across, you go for my throat. Okay, when Orishya Fear beat me up.

He beat you up. Yeah, you know this. I don't. Yeah. Why did he beat you up? Three times he beat me up. He really beat you up. Yeah, kick my face 50 times.

Why? Here we go. So can't really beat you up. Yeah, kick my face 50 times. Why? Here we go. So that's what I'm saying. Is that people beat me up all the time, right? Oh. So sorry, I feel bad. I know. I know.

People beat me up all the time. Why? I never got one lick in. I think I did that. And his face is here. You don't know any, yeah. See, that's what I'm saying. Stuff.

That's the New York shit. No, I'm saying. That's the fucking shit I'm talking about. What? What you're saying that I know kung fu. No. You think it a karate is that you're saying you fucking shit. You don't know. Would you talk to that? What's Ronnie Chang? Would you go to Ronnie Chang or Margotio and go, do you guys know Tekwondo? Ronnie Chang, first of all, does know. Presented to you. Okay. Let me tell you this about I know this for a fact, I fuck harder than him. I bet you do. But Ronnie, I've been hanging out with him. I fuck so much harder than him.

I fuck, you know what? I'm being real, it's not even a joke. I wasn't saying that as a joke. I understand. He does tender love. Right, not me, I did. I'm a fucking pound away. I'm like a Korean Badger.

You gotta get it in my honey Badger. You gotta get as much in there as you can just You know with the shoulders. This is me and the shoulders you go from underneath Yeah, like does I hook and then you hook? You're right. Yeah, Ronnie doesn't do that I don't know what and then what I go down like this Pump it. Yeah, and then what do you do it? I don't want to get into it. Okay. All right. All right I revealed too much. Okay. I don't want to. All right, so you do have a technique. You were taught something from the elders.

No, no. There we go again. I'm just saying. There's a wise man. There's a wise man on a hill. Yeah, I'm just, you have to carry. You think there's a wise man on a hill that told me that?

I don't know. After the fucking, the fucking, whatever, what do you call it? I don't know. Grasshopper. You learned how to stand on a penis? Oh, you did a different ship. Oh, you did a monkey technique.

You could do pushups on your dick. I'm just saying, I look at Ronnie and I go, I know it can, a fuck harder. I understand, I agree with you. It's not a fact. But I'm saying what you did that day was kind of fucked up. I never did that. He did.

And here's what happened to, remember this. But did you get the name? Did I see it as a joke? I mean, it's your question. Dude has a joke, you think. I don't know, but here's what happened to remember this. But did you get the name? Did I see it as a joke? I mean, I asked you a question. Dude, it's a joke, you think. I don't know, but here's the thing. I'm not from, like, if you joked about ripping my throat out in anger and your little, you know, I was like, what the fuck? I was like, whatever.

We moved on from it. We went and shot other scenes, right? Yeah. But that stuck with you. It was kind of like, oh, Bob, what the fuck, dude? I didn't know you were angry. I didn't see you as angry. right and you were kind of angry. So whatever I blew it up. So anyways You know did you get your last payment remember they held the payment back? Yeah, yeah

No, no, no, no, no, hang on what second sir. Oh, sir. We're gonna get something uncomfortable. Okay, there's something We're gonna about talk about something uncomfortable. Okay, we're gonna talk about something uncomfortable. Okay, great. Do you guys edit this out or no? We can beep it out. You never edit this live. We allow them the option to read the mouse, to read the lips. If there's somebody who can read lips,

they deserve it. Is this going out live right now? Ah, yes. It is? It is. Yeah. Then I'm gonna hold my tongue. Okay. Yeah. Why? I'm gonna hold my tongue.

Okay. Why? Because I don't wanna get in trouble. With? I think this is gonna go into an area that I might be in trouble. With the company? Yeah. Because they never, did they pay you?

No. I didn't get paid either. Yeah, do you know why? Go ahead. Because of you. And that's why I don't get paid either. Yeah, do you know why? Go ahead, because of you. And that's why I don't want to talk about it. So, let's go in the order of, I'm gonna rip you throat out.

Yeah. You're not getting your last payment because of him. But what did I do? But that's the thing I don't want to talk about. That, okay, why? We won't talk about it. Let's not talk about it. But the fact is, so I go like this,

here's my evolution of you. I'm gonna rip your fucking throat out. You're not getting thousands of dollars because of you, whatever the fuck that is. And then the next time I see you in Montreal, hey, grrr, grrr, grrr, grrr, you little rattlesnake whipping out while I'm in the middle of a deep conversation.

I see it. You understand? I see a point of view. And then you walk away with an attitude because I should understand your rattlesnake. Okay. I didn't know your anxiety, instead of taking pills, you take your dick out and shake it.

All right, guys, you're scared, okay? I didn't know that. So, thousands of dollars. I did get. Threatening my life through via my neck with extra skills and then I gotta see your penis next time. How long ago was that the commercial? That was 10 years ago?

No, not 15. How about the 10? Maybe eight. Maybe eight. Okay. Long time ago. A lot of money. How much was it?

15,000. We didn't get paid. Oh, come on. 15,000. You can make that on a weekend. Okay. You can make that on a weekend. It's still 15,000.

You can make it on a weekend. That's a Rolex. That's true. That's a lot. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,000. No, you can make it on a week. That's a Rolex. That's true. That's that's that's a lot. What what don't we do this? Okay, let it go. Or we can give me 15,000. Not give you 15. I thought you should give me because I tell you because the thing the reason why they didn't pay right is I didn't do whatever they thought that I did. So how can't we fight that? Why can't we get that money?

Because it's 10 years ago. Who gives a fuck? I let it go. Okay, well, I let it go too. Oh God. I mean, but you understand. Are we good though? Dude, let me, let me, let me pass. Can I say something? Yeah, yeah.

There's people that I watch on social media that make me laugh. Yeah. And you want to. Oh, really? Even during, don't be sarcastic. I'm not being sarcastic. You knew I was funny 20 years ago.

No, I didn't, you weren't. Oh, when we did open Anthony all those times, you don't be sarcastic. I'm not being sarcastic. You knew I was funny 20 years ago. No, I didn't, you weren't. Oh, when we did open Anthony all those times, you don't think I was funny? You were funny, but you're funny, you're podcast with the great Santino. That's what I like to call him. He's not. He's the greatest.

He's not the greatest. One of the funniest people. He's a piece of human garbage, but I love him. You gotta love people like that. He's just love the lepers. He was one of the great guys. All right, he's the best. Like the best.

I mean, I can't even, it's weird, I desire his friendship. You wanna suck his dick? No. Yeah, you do. I'd hold his hand and I'd take a walk with him. You wanna suck the tip? No.

I would never go near a red head's penis. Really? I'd rather go to New York out of all the redheads Would you would he be the first one you would do? Out of all we got bill a burr it. We got bill a bird Louis CK Andrew Santino. Which one would you suck? Are you sent you exactly would be sent to my point 100% what about you? What who am I gay? Wait a minute. I'm not gay at all. You tricked me into being gay. I know. That's fucking sad.

You could have said that. What after do you? You could have said I'm not gay. I'm not gay. So I'm not gay so I'm not gonna play that game. I'm. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Bobby, truly, but why would you suck his dick? I wouldn't. I'm saying you did I had to. Oh, you said there was a gun or something. Wasn't there a gun to my head? Out of all those guys, I would probably suck Andrews. Yeah. Yeah. It's the cleanest. I don't think it's a clean. Yeah, probably no bills Is the clean bills is the clean is yeah? Yeah

Who is the other one? It's Louis Louis. Yeah, you don't want to mess around the king. You don't want suck the king You know, you don't want that unless unless some of his funny comes out and you get some now But no, I truly when your name would come up I especially are I was like gaff again He's not a redhead. Oh fuck. He's a blonde He's got a big dick Jim Gaffing. It's got to have a big day. He's a nice guy. I love him kids No Yeah, you are you and make me laugh. And I told

Ari that he called me up. Are you mad at Bobby? He thinks, I'm like, no, fucking absolutely not. Let's say, listen, let's just let it go. I don't have any. Not that I have all the information. What ill will should you have towards me, though? Because what you're saying is that you walked up to me at Montreal. I was scared in Montreal and I didn't have any of that backstory. Oh, see what you're, that, I don't like that.

You were scared in Montreal? Yeah, because you have to fucking understand. Oh my God, it's so scary. Not the town. They put you up in a fancy hotel. Not the town. There were a lot of money in here. Not the town.

And they flew you first class. And you flew in. And you were scared of it. See, this is why I wanted to punch you during the commercial. Well, it's out of control. See, you first class. It's the festival. And you were scared of it. See, this is why I wanted to punch you during the commercial. What's that? See, you admit it! Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just fucking out of here.

It's fucking admitted it. Fuck you for that. You admitted it. You admitted it. You're a diabolical fuck face. You admitted it. You just admitted that you wanted to punch me, you ripped my throat out.

You did. Say sorry. The only one I say sorry. I'm sorry. Say sorry for that. Say sorry for that. Say sorry for porn. But the dwarf that you have working here, I can get him up. I don't know.

I would just throw your warped dwarf. I do not. No, where's the dwarf at? Come out here. Come out here. The little dwarf here. Come over here. Yeah, you can come out here for a second.

It's like Brad Williams and Andy Sandberg had a baby. I mean, he's just nervous. Every time I come in here, come over in the middle here. Every time I see him, I wonder what he is. Look at him. What are you? At you.

No. You're not at you. You're a hobbit. No, he's even a hobbit. He's whatever smiegal was. Oh, he has the ring, but he just gave it back. Like, he halfway went to smegel or whatever I mean let me ask you something when you smile, do you have to show all the gums or

Your showcase thing him. Yeah, you should be in every bill Murray movie ever Can I ask what's your name again max? I like you a lot, right? But you say you could beat him up Just max you think you could take Bobby Lee? No, I think it was like a craziness to him like he would, like he ripped your throat out. It pulls dick out. Right, exactly.

Yeah, you're scared. Yeah, I should something. Are you touching girls? Why are you doing that? You do. It's amazing. Why can I touch him? Because Bobby, yeah, yeah.

I don't know if you can't just touch somebody's stomach back. I'm not touching his generals. Dude, you're touching him like that. Dude, don't look at his penis, Bobby. I don't know if you can't just touch somebody stomach. I'm not touching his generals Dude you're touching them like that Dude don't look at his penis Bobby. I have to what Bobby? I have Bobbi. I have O's Bobby. I have Bobbi Bob I have to know I have to do it both. Hey, no one to you have permission. You have to get consent Say there you go or get the fuck out of here then all right goodbye. Go that way. I'll do it up for the show though. Oh my God. Bobby. Sorry dude.

I'm not gay dude. All right. This is why we didn't get the 15,000. I didn't know, I want to get to the bottom of what happened. I would love it because I'd love my money. Yeah, yeah. So the bottom of it. I forgive you though.

And I forgive you for all the things you did. Right, because it's like, um, this and man, yeah, I didn't have the backstory. And now they'll have all of it. I think I'm in the wrong. Right. Right. Good. Because I also made assumptions at Montreal. You did. Right. I didn't know what the fight you had or whatever you had with sure with the magical blackout. I actually had a thing with the production with treating me like shit. Right. So the stuff you were afraid of happening was happening to me.

But I'm gonna tell you this, and this is a fact. Okay. If you ever do that to me again. I'm sorry, but I do what? Dis me. In any social situation, you and I are gonna have a fucking problem. Okay, can I say, that's great.

I would have a problem. It's not fucking problem. Don't make the KKK sign. I like it. I don't, I mean, this is not. No, this is Oki-Dokie. No, this is Oki-Dokie. Why is the accent back here?

What, the nerve? Nervous. Oki-Dokie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Oki-Dokie. Oki-Dokie. Yeah, this is not, you know, me and KKK. Dude, can you, last time I went to LA,

I was supposed to do your podcast. Yeah. Yeah. It was all set up. What happened? I actually went over to Burbank early and was smoking a cigar, so I'd be over there already. Yeah.

At six o'clock, because it's so funny, because that's not where I do my podcast. In Burbank. Yes, it is. What's that, friends? Whatever podcast I was supposed to do, your producer gave me an address that was in Burbank. Okay.

He gave you the wrong address. Okay, that's fine. I was in Burbank at six. Okay. At six. I beat traffic. I got over there. Oh yeah.

I got over there. I'm sitting there. Smongers got waiting to do your podcast. It was in a half hour. And I got a text from you, or from your producer, not you, my friend. You know, my friend, who? Your producer text me, yeah, Bobby can't do it.

He wants to do it at 10 30 at night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's the look? I mean, what do you mean?

What's that? You do it then. What are you talking about? What do you mean? What's that you do you do it then? What are you talking about when you mean to that's fucking bullshit, Bob? Listen to me, man. Okay, first of all this this you get you doing that thing. You're right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Alright So I'm gonna do this. Okay. I don't know. I don't know if you did it. I don't know if you did it I don't know if you did it. I think you did it barely can't tell. I don't know if you did it. I don't know if you did it. I think you did it. I barely can't tell. I don't know if you just roll your eyes at me. I think you did. No, you can't tell with Asians. You can't tell when Asians roll their,

well, this is me rolling my eyes. You can't tell. All right, fuck you. All right, can I see it again? All right, roll. All right, wait, I wanna see. Say something that would make me roll my eyes. All right, ready?

Bobby, your cock is huge. Bobby. Okay. Anyway, yeah. So, I had two days ago I had food poisoning. I canceled some spot Friday night, two spots last night, and this morning I felt like shit, right? And I was just like, I gotta go to Bobby Kelly,

I have to do it, right? No matter what it takes, no matter how far I have to travel, I have to do it. You didn't do it for 10 o'clock. You didn't go all the way. I couldn't. In LA.

I tell you why. I couldn't do it. Why? You had a spot? No, I had another podcast I was doing. Which one? I think it was a team. Which one? It was either Tim.

I think it might have been Tim Devin. Oh, that's a big one. Yeah, I, if anyone below that, I would have been mad. I had the schedule of the stuff, so I scheduled you, like I gave you the whole front of the day. Anyways, I came all the way from Connecticut last time.

I drove home right after they got in the car, came home so I would be here today for this. Cause I didn't want to miss this. How's that? Okay. All right, cool. We're good then. Well, good man.

We're totally good. Want to do something? I don't know. Do you want to hug? Can I pull my rattle out? Bobby, if hug? Can I pull my rattle out? Bobby. If you really got to pull my rattle out. Listen.

I don't want to yet. I don't want to yet. I don't want to yet. If you pull your rattle out, I actually brought you a gift. What is it? That's for you. So you can pull your rattle out and cover it with that and then give me some promotion. That's a hat for you. That's my podcast hat.

Cool. Thank you. I mean, you don't look like you're happy. No, I want you to try and figure out what it is. It's a hat with my podcast on it. I like it. I know you like hats. Thank you so much.

Do you want my other hat instead? This is my podcast hat too, but this is my personal. I'd rather do that. Do you have one that you didn't wear? Why, you scovots me, I'll take it. Okay. This is cool. I like, you know, I don't wear hats like this.

Okay, okay. So you don't want that one. I hate it. You hate it. I don't like it. I like it more truckery. I don't like it like that. That's truckery.

I don't like it. I mean, that's truckery. Just squinch the top. I mean, that looks good, man. Okay. That looks good. Does it look good? Guys, I mean, that looks good, man. Okay. That looks good. That's a little good. Guys, I mean, don't just say this. I mean, dude, yeah, it's great to top a little. Let me help you. Come here. Yeah, you got it. You got me help you. Just come here for a second. Just come here.

Relax. Relax. What's easy. I got extra. You just wanted to kiss me, Bob. I'd kiss you. So anyway, so you was sick and I really appreciate you. All right. So also, when next time you're in LA, you're going to be first priority.

Dude, I'm open. I'll bend over. First of all, I want to come back and do this podcast. This one. Yeah. With you and I'll be great. And the great. You'll be a killer.

And I would love to do yours too. Yeah. You still do. Yeah. I'm going to be a killer. I'm going to be a killer. I'm going to be a killer. I'm going to be a killer. Do this podcast, this one. Yeah, with you and W. Gray and the great kid. It'll be a killer. And I would love to do yours too. Yeah.

You still do yours with your ex girlfriend, right? Yeah, what? What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm just saying you're stating. What? Trying things over. What?

No, what are you doing? You New Yorkers have a slide way of going in. This is your problem with LA comedians. What? You have a thing. It's not a thing. of going in there. This is your problem with LA comedians. What? You have a thing. It's not a thing. It's a thing. You guys say you knew your comics.

Like we're the bloods and you're the crypts and we're against you. We're not. We're for you. No. Yeah. All the times it opened Anthony. Hey, you know, you know,

you're talking to Opian Anthony. You understand that that's been gone. It's all deception though. For 10 years. And it's been gone. It's all deception though for 10 years And it's all deception. It's all what deception? What you you I don't think you're using the word deception I don't think you use the word you want to use yeah, it's what are you? What's deceiving what they do who's they opian Anthony? They're gone you guys 10 years I know but it's like Shimlin you know shin limb. Are you talking you know shin limb? Is that cunk? What is that he's a he does tricks magic in magician? He's a magician. He's named shim Lim

You don't know shin limb. I don't know shim Lim. I'm sorry. He's the greatest in the world. Okay. Do you know what you know? Shim Lim shim Lim. I I don't know him I've never seen him. Look how magical he is. I love magic. He lives. I don't know if magic goes the word. He looks, he looks fucking demonic if he asks me. Have you ever met a magical gook? I thought they were all magical. You can't say the G-word. I did not. No I can't say it.

Why? Because you guys took it away. Why? Why? Yeah but you took it away. I'm letting you have it. No I can't. No I can't. I'll still get canceled. You see a magical Qing Chong? I can say, I can say, ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué?

¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué?

¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué?

¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué? Yo no sé si puedo decirlo, me voy a repetir lo que habías dicho. con Bolotea. La región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sinfín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Friparás! Huelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Bolotea. Sarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en Voltaea.com. Check it out, good. Moon Tower, just for laugh, Austin Comedy Fest is back April 13th

to the 24th, over 100 of the best comedians, including me, invade downtown Austin for two full weeks of stand up podcast parties, screenings and more. The first round of talent is announced, but more to come in the new year. Build your own Fest experience with Moon Tower's new club badges. Each badge gets you

entry to all four nights of club shows, nightly parties, lounges, special events, and merch discounts. Grab your badge or single ticket at moontowercomedyfest.com and follow at moontowercomedy on socials for all the comedy chaos. I know, but you guys are. Yeah. You guys are deceiving. What?

And that's what I have to read between the lines and I have to be one step ahead of you. That's not true. Or so that's why I'm here. That's I'm learning how to do it. Listen, that's not true. It is true. It is not true. I give's why I'm here. That's, I'm learning how to do it. Listen, that's not true in your life. It is not true. I'll give you this.

Can I give you something back 15 years ago, it was a very vicious comedy community, where we would make fun of each other and smash each other. We still do that, but I also think LA comics do that too. No. Have you guys used to rip me? Have you watched pieces? But have you, you and Cetino don't make fun of each other?

Yeah, I'm a friend. Cetino didn't make fun of your Asian cross-eyed mother. Hello, Bobby. Yeah, that's a lovely, that's that on my mom. Did you know? One of the funniest things I've ever seen. Yeah, so yeah, yeah. He does it, but we're full.

And you talking about his, his piece, mom. What was he, what'd you call his mom? Builder, beast. Yeah, will there be a it. But we're talking about his his mom. What was it? Would you call his mom? Builder beast. Yeah, will there will there be a will there be that's making fun of each other. You guys do the same. Well, she's a will there be I mean, I've never met the woman. I heard you guys.

He just got her a car. Yeah, yeah. Why you look? I know the call I'm going to get from Santino. I mean, I don't know why he said about his mom. I was kidding. I know. My mom's up cross eyes.

Your mom isn't across eyes? No. Oh, shit. She just said my eyes. I don't know. Okay. Are my eyes crossed? I don't know.

I can't tell. What are my eyes doing right now? Your eyes are barely looking at me. No, they're rolling. Are they rolling? Listen. Yeah. I think you guys have a complex.

LA comics. LA comics have a complex with New York comics because I we are aggressive we are and we and LA LA comics for a minute weren't funny, but you got you listen you I don't listen That was the thing you guys are fucking funny some of the funniest guys are in LA It's so funny. You say that Bobby some of the funniest guys are so funny that You know, it's so funny you say that, Bobby. Some of the funniest guys are in LA. It's so funny that you would say something like that. Yeah, because you guys would say shit like that, right? And it got into my head and I believed it. You're not, you're not the guys.

I believed it. I believed it. You're not one of the guys. You're not one of the guys. Couple of months ago, right? I think you guys are very funny. I came here for shows. For what?

And I sold out. No, here in Celer. Yeah, you sold, oh, you're so. I was here at the Celer. Oh yeah, four shows. Four shows. I sold out, no, here in seller. Yeah, you sold, oh, you're selling. I was here at the seller, four shows. Four shows. And I had to follow Yamani, got all these heavy weights that you guys have. I held my own dog.

Dude, you're funny. I held my own dog. The cotton, listen, the comedy store, fucking. I went to the lineup. Dude, the lineup is killer. Killer. All the time, that whole thing, I whole thing I think LA was like a like a kind of

Was that weird no, it's fine. I just wanted to do how yeah, what what's wrong with that? Listen dude what I'm much Don't get a thing. Okay, listen. Yeah, well listen. Yeah, I think LA can the cameras catch me from the waist down right now No, okay, I think LA back in the day Wasn't that funny but but the comedy store wasn't even nobody went I know and then it's all changed You guys all of a sudden there's just killers coming I went to a show there when it was fucking murderers Everybody was killing. I think that whole thing changed.

Well, the culture changed, yeah. Culture changed, dude. And you guys still have the complex, I'm not in as much. Not anymore, I don't know. Not anymore, but I think you kinda had it at that time when we shot that commercial and I didn't get paid for it and you threatened my life and you got rid of my neck out.

And then you showed, you made me a penis at a vulnerable moment when I was scared. I think that you had that complex. Here's the truth. And I wanna tell you the God, I wanna get, I wanna get, what are you doing right now? What are you doing? I'm not gonna touch you.

No, but are you gonna meditating? Well, you think that's what we do too? Who's we? The Asians. The Asians. No, I just, you're, you're, you're, I'm just, I know, because you look like you're about to meditate. No, I just, you're in, you're in, I'm just, I know, because you look like you're about

to men. No, because I want to really be forthright, and honest, and receptive. Okay, I have changed. Okay. And there were things that I did in the past as a defense mechanism to push people away. Yeah. One of the things would be is to pull out my rattle. Right.

Number two, the threatened people's lives, with violence. And in the last, I would say eight years, right? I've changed my attitude. That's awesome. All right. I'm a working actor. I show up on set on time.

I don't see nothing fucking crazy, right? I audition, I show up to my shows. I'm very polite to people. In the past, I used to do crazy things like the candy bars in my butthole in front of people. Right. I'm so glad that that's not one of our issues. Why do I want to do it now, but I'm just saying I don't have to do it. I don't have a candy. I have to do this. Dude. I have to do that. Let's say my point is yeah. Yeah. You you're getting angry. But no, I'm not okay. I'm not. I don't get here's another dude. I have to do that. Listen, my point is yeah, yeah, you are you getting angry? No, I'm not. Okay, I don't get here's another thing. I'm gonna make right now.

I'm gonna admit. Yeah, get forward do the meditation. I'm gonna do I'm gonna do. I have to admit how do you do it like this? Yeah, I like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to admit that I have to do this. Yeah, I had a temper.

I had a temper. I have to admit that I have to do this. Yeah, I have to do that. I had a temper. I was scared in my anxiety would come out through anger because when somebody scared me, I would want to scare them more back. And maybe I didn't know how to let things go. And now I am a changed person. And I know how to let things go and enjoy life

because it's short. That's great. And I'm glad you're here and I'm glad we moved on. I'm we're never going to talk about it again. Ching Chang. Ching Chang. I thought you said I could say that. Ching Chong. Ching Chong. Sorry.

Yeah. I don't improvise. Okay. I mean, sorry. Yeah. I met Ching Chang. Something different. You know what?

Yeah, yeah. Well, we both, I don't know if I can bring this up, but I'm sober. Me too. And during the pandemic, before the pandemic, I thought everything was great. And then when it happened and I hit a bomb, I really had to go back and get back into the program.

And I found out for a long time, for years, I was a dry drunk. Yeah. And I was out there really just, you know, white knuckle in everything. Yeah. Not drinking, not using drugs, but still treating people fucked up and not dealing with my own bullshit. And the last few, three years, I've been focused a lot on it. So I was, I was pretty, pretty fucked up at that time too.

Especially when I lived in LA, dude, I hated it because I was so rejected in LA. Like I think it was the 98, 99, maybe 2000. I moved out there and it was tough, man. It was, if you weren't famous, if you weren't on a show, you were shit. And then you'd go on a show and you'd be bumped. Yeah.

By just a truckload of people. And I was used to the seller where if you're one of the seller comics, which kind of the store has the same thing. If you're a past store comic, you're on the fucking show. Yeah. And I was used to that. Like I was at the laugh factory. There was a lot of show-bizzy Hollywood shit there.

And I would get rejected. And I wound up staying home a lot. I didn't even go to the clubs because I was like, fuck this. It just made me sick. Well, the culture has changed. Number one, I want to say that, I had a bunch of relapses one, I want to say that,

I had a bunch of relapses, and I just celebrated a year, two weeks ago. Oh, man, fuck it. And congratulations, dude. But this time around, I've approached my sobriety in a completely different way. It's the number one thing. I hit meetings often.

I started my own meetings. So if you're ever in LA, I have my own meeting for comedians. I'm in. And it's the best thing that I've ever done. Yeah. And it's at the improv, but just call me, when you're in time, when you're invited.

I'm in. And it's completely changed my life. I, when I put that first and all this other stuff, like spots and show business and all that stuff, it's just like not that important. It is important, but it's like third or fourth on the list. You know what I mean? And once I did that, my life has changed.

I'm just so grateful to be alive because I literally, I thought I was gonna die the last time. It was terrible. It was fucking terrible. It was bad. It went out on everything or just once. No, what happened was I,

I will only drink and use weed, but because I had such a traumatic childhood that when I smoke weed, the opposite thing happens. I start getting manic. I can't eat or sleep, and I start getting really paranoid. And I turn in, I go crazy. Like I can't sleep and I start getting really paranoid. And I go crazy, like I can't sleep

and I start grinding my teeth. And Andrew, him and I went to Mexico to do a show there and he opened up my door and there was shit and vomit all over my hotel room. I was just in shit and vomit, just drunk. And that's just the state that I was in. And I just, I'm gonna die the next time. So I cannot allow myself to do that again. Right. I mean, so I have to put it, you know, so I have a sponsor. I do the whole thing. It was after that incident. Is that when you went back? How did you get back?

How, because that's the hard part is getting back into it. Like how did you just go back? No, I went to a couple of rehabs, but I knew that, I mean, I had 12 years of sobriety and 17 years of sobriety, so you know how to do it. I just needed to go away so I could just gather up some time in a building, you know. And so once I got a month together, I can go out and hit meetings,

but it was fucking terrible, man. And you know, as you get older, it just doesn't, your body doesn't do the same thing. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm 51 years old, you know what I mean? And I just can't handle it. Yeah. And I just want to live a completely different life.

And I have been doing that. So I don't know, dude. I, um, that's great. What do you mean? I just think that's I think it's great. I mean, I did the same thing. Yeah, like I would didn't go out. But it's short when I when I realized how far off the track I was, I could have gone out at any time. Anything could happen when all that stuff happened and all my career was taken away and I had nothing except that stuff happened and all my career was taken away and I had nothing except me. I was like, oh, I'm fucking terrible. And then when I went back to meetings, I realized I'm a recovering,

I'm a recovering alcoholic drug addict first. Before I'm a dad, before I'm a comic, before I'm anything, that's number one. And I can go from there. I can go to being a husband and a dad. And then I can go to being a comedian. I can't, this comedy stuff went down the list so far. And ever since I did that, I've never been happier. I've never been more content. I say no, where people are like, hey, no, why?

Because I don't wanna be unhappy. But part of the thought is because the business has changed. What do you mean? Because before, it's like, because you and I've been around where it was like, there was nine gatekeepers. So if this casting director didn't like you, or this television booker didn't like you, right,

you're fucked. And now, because we have this, right, there's so many other routes that it doesn't, we don't have to rely on these gatekeepers. So it's like, we don't have to say yes to bullshit. We don't have to fucking prove ourselves in front of like the Hollywood. Yeah, I mean.

We used to have to go on showcase auditions. Oh, it was the worst. With 19 other fucking people. And it would be all industry. Yeah. There's no crowd. It's all people who hate people. Yeah, and it would be all industry. Yeah, there's no crowd. It's all people who hate comics. Yeah, and they would, if they, if you killed in front of that, you have an opportunity maybe.

Yeah, like, you know Pat Buckles. Yeah, so Pat Buckles used to book 15, 20, she loved me, so I was in the clear. I love Pat Buckles. I love her too, she's been great in my career, but I'm saying if she didn't like somebody, well there goes 90% of the standup on TV. Right? So you know, I mean, you know, she's served a purpose. And she's a great woman. I love her. And I, the thing is, is that like tonight show and all these other things are good for comics. There's certain comments that I've done it.

It's great. But you don't have to, that's your own the option. I know it's it's fucking and you look I mean do you I mean you and Santino are killing it your shows killing it Tiger Belly And it's opened up other shit for me. What do you mean? Well, it's because you know, you know because me and theos clips as podcasters would go viral Fox called us and said You know, we want to do it to show with you guys. Wow. And me and Theo went in and they gave us a show. I mean, we're still looking for a show runner, but right. You know, we didn't have to do anything. Right.

You didn't have to go through the rigour. They just gave the president called us. That's why. And it goes, I love you guys, whatever you're a man. Yeah. And then the three shows I'm reoccurring on were all people that knew me from podcasting. Right. But shows you on reservation dogs, which is an affect show. And Sterling is a great friend of mine,

but he's a huge comedy fan. So he knows you, he knows everyone in comedy. I've never been asked to do the show. I know, but it'll happen. Okay. Right. I'm on Sex in the city, which is, you know, MPK sex isn't said he's back. Yeah. It's back really. Yeah. You know, John Corbett. No. Aiden. I've never seen this. Okay. I know anything about it. You don't know

think about what do you play on the show? I don't even know really. Are you on the show? But you don't know what you do on the show. What's that? This is you on sex in the show. I don't even know really. Are you on the show? But you don't know what you do on the show. What's that? This is you on Sex and the City. That's you. That's me with Serge's. Oh, this is the paparazzi taking. Oh, this is this is real life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, did you threaten her life too? No, no. No, you're not absolutely okay. Well, you get nervous around her. You don't rattle your steak. But I was drunk there.

No, really? Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead, pushpots, pushpots. Can I tell you about this day? Please. So I was in Mexico, the shit. The shit in the piss.

We were the shit in the piss, right? The shit in the piss, right? So I get a call in Mexico that they need you Sunday morning. Oh my God. And I thought they're gonna fly, so I go, they're gonna fly you from Mexico to New York, they go, yeah, and I go, oh, well, I'm, I'm gonna probably shoot Monday, right?

So Sunday morning, I get fucking loaded. And as I land in New York, I'm fucking loaded, and the guy picks me up and they're not driving me to the hotel. They're driving me to a set. They're driving me to a set. I go, why are we going to a set? And they go, you're shooting right now.

And then all of a sudden, the fear and the paranoia. And then I get the sides, I have to say that all this shit, you don't even know your words. I don't know anything, I don't know anything, I'm freaking the fuck out. Did you fuck up? No, what I did was I prayed, right? Yeah.

So which God? It was what? Which God? You know, with nine arms. Oh, you did? Yeah, I do the... Russell Peters. Okay.

Yeah, and then I, because it's so cold in New York, as I stepped outside my trailer, the coldness woke me up. And it made you a better actor. No, no, I mean, I did fuck up a bunch of times, but not enough for them to go, he's fucked up. Right, I just pretend I was nervous. I love shit like that.

No, but that was one of the reasons why I got sober. Good, because I remember leaving there going, that day going, that's never gonna happen again. Cause that could have fucked your career. Everything. It would have fucked everything. If they got around that you're an outdrug.

I know, I would have fucked. With Sarah Jessica Parker. You're a fuck. I love her by the way, she's the best. Is she really? Yeah. She's still married to Matthew. Yeah, he's great.

Oh cool, I love him. I never met him. I've met him. Is he a nice guy? He's the best. Yeah, she's great. He's the greatest guy. Yeah, he's great. Oh cool. I love man. Never met him. I've met him. Is he nice guy is the best? Yeah, she's great. He's a great guy. Um, that's great. You did that. So I do that and then I do a show called Magnum P.I I love Magnum P.I. I do. So it's like all those shows with the Spanish guy. Yeah, with Jay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was good looking at Friday. I'm going to New York. I, to Hawaii Friday from New York to do two episodes.

Now, do you play Hawaiian or Japanese? What do you play on the show? Are you the guy? Dan, Dano? What do you think I would play? I don't know. Let me see, here we go. We got you.

Here we go. Oh. Oh my God. Oh my god. Fuck it, fuck it. Alright, I'm gonna sue you when you're aware of that. Pause, don't show. Why? I don't like the way I look.

What the fuck you tell you look awesome. I look terrible. You look great, you're in a suit with sneakers. Yeah, I look like a bloated Kenjong. You do not. Yeah, I do. You do not look like a bloated Kenjong. You do not. You do not look like a bloated Kenjong. If you put fucking Kenjong in a microwave. Are you still friends with him?

We gotta fight. You got to know a fight? Yeah. What kind of fight? Fist fight. You did? Well, you attacked me. He attacked you.

Why? When? You know what, you're right. I think I'm the one that causes the problems. Because if you think about the R-A thing, right, he beat you up three times, three times. Yep, the Ken thing. Yeah, I have a couple of wars with other people.

Yeah. And I think to myself, is it, am I the good guy? Yeah. I'm thinking. Maybe it's you. Maybe it is. Maybe it's you. Yeah.

Cause I've never heard it, but it's not. I've never heard R-A beat anybody up. Bro, let me say something to you. Yes. This is how can I tell you what happened? Please. Are you gonna show me or tell me? I'm not gonna pull my rattle out. All right, because you get. Okay. No, because when I when I go forward, you need good. I need this is me when I'm like, passionate, passionate, passionate. He was living with fucking Natasha Legiro. I know her. Do you remember gloves?

She wears gloves. She wears gloves. Exactly. Why? In LA. There's no ridiculous. Yeah, it's not breakfast. Breakfast.

Yeah, like satin gloves. Yeah, satin gloves. I hate it. It's ridiculous. Right. She's a great girl. Great girl. But ridiculous.

They're living together. And she's so small. Very big. Basically, she was his pocket pussy. I'm sorry. What did you just say? He just, he would pick her up and you know what I mean? She's so small. You know how big he is. He's big. He's got a big, giant piece too. He's got big, a good pose. He's not about that. But so, all right. Wow. I love you, Mosha too. You're a good guy. But anyway, oh, that's, they're married. Yeah. The

good, the baby's great. Oh, they got a kid. This is terrible. This is getting worse. It's okay. This is anyway's the married. Yeah, the baby's great. Oh, they got a kid. This is terrible. This is getting worse. It's fine. This is in the past. But OK, so they were living together. And so I was in a show called Mad TV and love the show. Thank you. I love that character you did, too.

What? That guy? That's every character. Oh, hello. I'm Qingcheng. Every character. Every Monday they're like, we got a new character for it. Which one they go, just do this and go, Qingcheng.

So that character? No. Fuck you man. Are we mad at me? You're fucking piece of shit. Fuck you. You were a piece of shit. This is the anger. You're corporate.

You're getting what pieces of your... You're a part of the fucking... You call me corporate? Cue and on corporate. You're not corporate. You're not Anyway I just not my head would be so anyway, so I met that comedy store hat looks great on you. Thank you You're welcome. I was at the comedy store with this guy name. I can't say his name because he'll be upset. Why? Because it's a puzzle. This is a puzzle.

What? Oh, that's true. I mean, yeah, I mean, his name was Ron. Ron, Jeremy. No, not Ron, he was on the show, Matt TV. Okay. Canadian guy.

Okay. So we're in the belly room and Natasha's on stage. Sure. And Ron goes, hey, who's that? Oh, that's my friend Natasha. And he goes, she's so hot. I go, okay, I don't know. He goes, I'm gonna ask her out.

And I go, no, she's living with my friend, Ari. Oh, okay. Yeah. So then I have a spot in the OR. So I go, Ron, stay here, I have a spot. As I go down, unbeknownst to me. Is that the right word? It can be.

Is it? We can make it the right word. No, but what is the right word? I mean, unbeknownst to me. I don't know now. We have, Inbeknownst to, Nope, that's not it.

Unbeknownst to me. What is? I'm not. I'm not. On the mic, stupid. Unbeknownst to me. Unbeknownst to me. Yeah.

You could just say unknown to me. Unknown to me, right. He is asking for her number. Right. Okay. Yeah. Well, I'm downstairs. Yeah. I don't know this. Months later, right? Ari calls me. Is it unbeknownst to unbeknownst? What is it? Who gives a shit, man? Sorry. All right, it's bugging me. I have ocean view. What is it? Unbeknownst? I don't know. In the comments, please leave it. Let us know if it's unbeknownst. Unbeknownst? Is it unbeknownst? I don't know. In the comments, please leave it.

Let us know if it's unbeknown. Is it unbeknown? No, it's not unbeknown. Are you gonna comments right now? What are people singing about this? Is it boring? Are people going to sucks? No, they love it.

No, I want to know. They love it. Unbeknown. Unbeknown. Unbeknown. I was right. Unbeknown to me. Am I right?

Who gives a fuck? I like to be wrong. Unbeknown. Was. Am I right? Who gives a fuck? I like to be wrong. Was I unbanoned? Unbanoned. I was unbanoned to me. I was right, right? Yeah. Thank you.

Unbanoned to me. Say it. Unbanoned to me. Yeah. Right. A month later, Auri calls to me and goes, She left me. Right.

Yeah, I go. Oh, sorry. He goes, you did it. Wow. I go, what do I do? He goes, you introduce them. I go, I, me? I don't know you introduce nobody.

I did it. That's what I said, me. And you don't want this to do it, goes? Oh, did you do? Is that wrong in this situation? It's right. It's You're filthy in this situation. I don't know. Yeah, I don't think so. I think it's wrong But it feels right. I mean, I'm gonna say how feels I mean it did I mean, okay, okay Yeah, he's a big nose. All right.

What can I do that you can do that he does it. Sure. Okay, you do it. Yeah. Anyway, so he goes in order so to prove to me. Yeah. That you didn't set them up. Yeah.

I go what the fuck am I gonna right. He goes break into his office. My God at Fox. This is like a drama. It's a drama. Yeah. Steal their emails. Oh my God. Yeah, and then send like a drama. It's a drama. Yeah. Steal their emails. Oh my God.

Yeah, and then send them to me. What a piece of shit. Right. So I go to this guy, Ari. Please tell me you didn't do it. No. I don't even know how to get in there. You do.

I do. It's in your deal. I know. I could have done it, but I don't know what a keyboard in my like this. Yeah, but I know I could have done it, but I don't know what a keyboard and I like this. Yeah, but I know but yeah, yeah, but for me to do that the legality Yeah, if I get caught 100% oh, it's insane break no one would I think it's a federal offense So I call them back and I go yeah, I just thought about it. There's just no way

Yeah, and he goes well then you set them up and watch your back watch your back Yeah, Ari should feel threatened you like right. them up and watch your back. Watch your back. Yeah. Ari should feel threatened you like. Right. I didn't know he was like that. Right. So now, oh my god, I'm in the O'R. The next Friday.

He beat you up so much you're in the O'R. You're in the hospital. No, the original room at the comedy. Oh, okay, gotcha. All right, I'm sorry. Very funny. Thank you. Thanks, very appreciate that.

Appreciate that. Appreciate New York stuff. Yeah, cool guy. Anyway, and I'm checking all you have to check in at the cover booth. Thank you. Thanks very appreciate that appreciate New York stuff. Yeah. Yeah cool Anyway And I'm checking all you have to check in at the cover booth. Yeah, I check in and then I black out Emotionally, no, I'm black from alcohols. No, somebody punched me from the side. He suck a punch to you Yeah, he is a dance now I'm on the ground and He's kicking me in the face. My God. Right.

And so then Steve Runners is Z. You know him? I do. What? I, okay. What do you mean? Is that his last name? Steve Runners is Z?

Okay. What's his last name? I don't know. Do you know what I'm talking about? I do. He was on the league. On the league. Good guy, funny guy.

Ari's good friend. Yeah. You don't know him? I do know him. Then what did you, I do. All right, anyway. He took a little long to help me. Oh, right. So he let it go down a little bit. He kicked me in the face like 10 times. Ari did.

Can I, this is buggy. Wait, no, don't call nobody. Please, no, not yet. Because here's what you're gonna do. That make you angry? No. I don't wanna go a tit for tat. I don't wanna go for a tit for tat.

You know what I mean? Argument about the details. Yeah, right. Because you can get his side of the story later. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So then good mic work by the way.

Thanks, man. Later. Right. Yeah, it was good. So then I, um, regain consciousness. In the OR. In the OR. Later. Right. Yeah, it's good. So then I um, you wake up again, consciousness in the OR in the OR, not the hospital. No, the or the original real. It could play on words. And so then, um, I let it go. You let it go right then and there. Yeah. A week later now, cut to a

week later, because he's happened in three weeks in a row. He beat you up three times. Well, the second one was, you know, a juice strangle, if I may. Can you stop me? I don't know. You know what I mean? It's one of those dark arts. I tell you, you know, from, you know, back, from the old test. Oh, from the old test.

Oh, from the Torah. Yeah. The juice strangle. How is it? It's like thumbs. It's what, you know what, it's what Spock does. You know, Spock from the Vulcan, right? But it's got a combination.

So Spock's a Jew. I think he is. I think this, really if you watch Star Trek Vulcans are Jews. He's a future Jew. He's a, he's a future Jew. And the smart. Right, he has big ears. Right, right.

They're big ears. Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. I think they switch it. For the show, they switch it for the show. They switch it for the year. You figured it out. Yeah, yeah, great. I think they switch it For the show they switch it for the show. It's yeah for you figured it out. Yeah, I figured it right I'm gonna do any he does one of these dark arts, you know me and do strangled a do a triangle So I was in the hallway at the it was tough to get out of impossible and possibly kidding me. Yeah, yeah Yeah, and then you know you'll you'll exchange a memory. They do a mind meld to oh they do both. Yeah

Yeah, so they you exchange you got a memory You got a juice triangle and a mind-melting samtai. Oh my god. So he strangled me in right I had literally Blood coming down my neck because he strangled me so hard. Oh my god, right? And what did you have any techniques from you from your that's a thing and because here's a deal Yeah, there is no technique. There's no Korean technique. No, because I don't know it. Really? Yeah. And you're fucking New York fucking.

You couldn't slip out like his hand just slip from the neck, just slip right off the screen. So what you're basically asked me, did I have a smoke bomb, right? Or maybe a star? And a fucking blow, a dart. Yeah, I didn't have any of that. Yeah, no Chinese star.

We don't do that. Oh, all right. That's Japanese. You can climb a tree. No, no. No, no. Okay. So I let that go. Oh, all right. That's Japanese. You could climb a tree. No, no, no. Okay. So I let that go. Oh my God.

You let that go. I let it go. Sock a punch to you. The next one, juice triangle. Juice with, with my mouth. Mine mouth, right? And then I let it go. That's got to be it.

That's it. It's not. The third one was the absolute one. What was the third one? The third one was the absolute one. What was the third one? The third one was a Superman punch. He can't because you know Superman was Jewish That really yeah, how do you know? His name was Roth something that's right. Yep. That's right Superman. He's always a Jew. Yeah. That's weird

That's so we're Superman punch you. Well, I was in the parking lot at the comm store, gonna go in the club. I hear. Oh my god. Yeah, high heels on. No, because it's, you know, his feet. Oh, because he had he had the ninja claws on his feet. I was gonna say something very racial. Yeah, oh, no, but I'm not gonna get into it. I'm glad you didn't. I just heard something. Alright, that's that's nuts. I mean, it's nuts. That's it.

I heard that. You could have both those hands. Right. And then here, there's a sound that happens. Right, right. He did a jump. He jumped, right. He punches me from behind.

Really? I knocked out. Now. You got knocked out. No. I stagger to the office. Oh my God. Right?

Stagger. He's staggered like a fucking horse. Like a guy who's been shot in a West. Right. You're trying to the office. Oh my god, right? Stagger you stagger like a stagger like a fucking like a guy has been shot in the West right you're trying to make it You know, I'm sorry. What was that? Well, because in a western I would be the laundry Mackai or yeah opium den guy Oh, yeah, so I put the Asian accent. I was doing the opium then and cowboy shot me You know that yeah sure right. Yeah. Yeah, so as I was calling the opium then and cowboy shot me. You know that. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. So as I was calling the police, yeah, right?

You called the police on it. I called the police. Really? Why? What's that noise? Outside. So police. That was called the beach.

That was called the beach alarm. Well, I'm being a bitch. What you call the cops? Keep pe Well, I'm being a bitch. You called the cops. He peeping up three times in a row. You called the cops. You don't call the cops after three times now. What do you do in house on Ari? That's right.

You get, yeah, you, you, he suck a punch to you, Bobby. What am I gonna do? You get a shovel. A small spade. You're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna, A small spanker. You're going to say murder? You don't murder him. You're whackin' him in the back of the head with it. With what?

A shovel? Next time he comes in, you're waiting there. You know what I mean? You have to draw the line somewhere. When he put on my car, that one. He shit on your car. When he put on my car. This is not...

I am my friends with. He put on my car. If he turns on me, this is what I expect. So once he put on my car, Well if he turns on me, this is what I expect. So once he put on my car I saved my calm for two months. I'm You're losing it. I I'm not this is none of this is tracking. Oh, it's superman punched you. I tell you to defend yourself Now he's shitting this is like a Tarantino movie. Why why do things go back? Why did you save you come, Bob?

Because he put on my car. I know, but why didn't it make you- Because I'm thinking, because how do you take it to the next level, right? Come, but you know that he's gonna drink my cum. Can I say something to you? What? Hey, first of all, second of all, you know that when you save your cum,

it doesn't build up. You're not a cow. No, I did, I come every day into a vial, and I saved it, put it in the freezer. You come in a vial. Yes. And what were you gonna do? And you kept filming.

I was gonna thought, put in a drink of his, he was gonna drink it, and I was gonna, you drank, come. But then I thought if I did that, the next thing would be murder. So I drew the line at shit. So you created the RE that we have on the East Coast now that throws piss and drugs people. Yeah, you made this.

That's the guy. You made him. That's the guy. Yeah. So anyway, when I called the cops, I was like, what, I have to draw the line somewhere. But I didn't call the cops because Why did you see him in his ID? Pull the phone cord out of the socket. How old was this?

They had a cord? 520 years ago? So there's no cell phones. No. You actually ran to a real phone and went, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, yeah. You dialed 911.

And then he didn't, he got banned from the club. Right. As you showed him for like six months. You know physically, but then we didn't he got banned from the club. Right. As he showed up for like six months, you know, physically. But then we didn't talk for a decade. Of course. You know, why would you? Why would you talk to this piece of shit? Yeah, yeah. He hit you, kicked suck upon you. Right?

Then he did the, the Jewish my meld, the Jewish triangle, Joe's Jewish triangle, my meld, Jewish triangle, my meld. And then he superman points you from behind. Yeah. Fuck him. Yeah. We're good friends now. You know how it happened?

How? He just calls me out of the blue many, many years later. Because I have a TV show. He goes, you want to be on, I go, yep, and that's it. That's it. Yeah, you became friends. It was that show, this is not happening. The storytelling show, right.

And the first, because this is before happening. The storytelling show. Right. And the first, because this is before the TV show came out, we did it on the internet first. So me and Natasha and Steve Renazizi and Ari told that story. Right. Oh, you did? Yes. On the show.

Together. And that's probably up on the internet. Somewhere, yeah. No, that's great. Yeah. Well, that's good. I'm glad you came. You became friends.

Because if you didn't become friends with him, I have not pulled my dick out at all. I know. If you hadn't become friends with him, me and you wouldn't be friends again right now probably. So he would happen. Because the already thing with you and Andrew didn't happen through him, it was inevitable

that if you're gonna be friends with Andrew, you'd be friends with me again. I mean, Andrew is, I mean, just amazing. It's like a dick, I know, we, we talk about it. Not that I'd suck as dick, but I would, you know, Andrew's moving here. He's not. He's not.

I helped him get a house. Okay, so we're gonna say this. If that's true, you just fucked him. I'm kidding, he's not moving. Okay, because I'll play a Y. You don't think I have a plan? What's your plan? Are you moving here?

No, why? If he moves, I end the podcast. No, yeah, and I start with somebody else. I don't know where you told them that. Who? Someone big. Who? Redneck.

From the South, Racking. Theo Vaughn. You and him do a podcast together. If he moves. Wow. So he's not moving. That's right. And I fucking told him that.

So you would actually make, you would cancel the hit show, bad friends, right? I have to protect my own interests. So you would actually make, you would cancel the hit show, bad friends, right? You have to protect my own interests. What the fuck does that mean? What do you mean? But why does he have to live there for you to do it? Couldn't he just fly in a couple days and do it? Cause he's gonna want me to fly to here.

No, he's gonna go there. Yeah, but I wanna see him around. Why? Because we shoot every week, what are you doing? What the fuck are you talking about? Well, you could shoot once a month. You're not moving here. I refuse.

I don't care. But you can do four episodes. I don't want to move here. You could come here. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. Why is it stupid? I hate it here.

Why? I can't go. No pussy out here. What do you mean you can't get pussy? I can't believe I just said that. You can't get pussy. How are you doing with, you had your girlfriend and you broke up, you got sober, your life is doing great.

Are you seeing girls now? Yeah. You got a lot of girls. Some. Yeah. You got one that's special? Not yet. Did you grow up?

There's some that I like. I go, they could be potentially be somebody that I would. Yeah. I just, I'm not gonna rush into another 10 year thing. You know, me and co-alist will have Tiger Belly. Yeah. You know, we signed a three year deal with a company. Really? What do you, what does that mean? What do you mean? What does that mean? Like a pod cap, what exactly what I ask? Like, is that a podcast network? I mean, let me ask you this. Ding Dong. I mean, say that. If I can call you Wing Wong. Yeah, you can. Okay, Wing Wong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can call me Wing Wong.

Yeah, Wing Wong. Yeah. So Ding Dong, when Joe Rogan signed a thing with Spotify, what does that mean to you? That means he signed with a company. That's what I did. Okay, Wing Wong. Well, here's the thing. I didn't know Wing Wong that there was a company, so you signed with Spotify.

No. So you signed with one of those. Amazon. Amazon. Oh, one of those. Amazon. Amazon. Oh, that's great. Congratulations. Three years. It's nothing even remotely.

What do you want? Yeah, okay. It's not even remotely the same. I don't want to hold your hand, right? Why not? Okay. Just hold my hand. Yeah.

It's weird. Just try. For how long? What happened to your thumb? Forget it. I don't know what the... You can fit Vance on thumb. How'd you know about that?

What? I've seen this though. Yeah, I love him. He's the best. Bobby is one of the funniest human beings I've planted on earth. I'll tell you this, one of the funniest actors out there and one of the best dramatic actors out there. He's great.

He is up there at fucking DuVal with me. He's so good. The best. I love him. Anything he does, I at fucking DuVal with me. He's so good. The best. I love him. I love him. Anything he does, I'm fucking in 100%. Me too. Love him.

He's a great actor. Um, what? So you signed a deal a long time ago. We're going. We're almost wrapping it up now. But I'm kind of doing it. Why would you do that? Why would you say how long ago?

What are you sucking on, by the way? Is this weed? No, it's mellow ice cream. I could smoke inside to this. What is that? Babe? Nicotine? You got two of them though.

What's the difference? Oh, yeah, whatever. Let's move on, man. All right, you're right. Okay, okay. It's okay. Um. I'm not the king.

Anyways, dude, listen, I got questions. We have questions for you, correct? All right, we got fan questions. We have questions for you, correct? All right, we got fan questions. We're gonna do those and we're not. I feel like, can I see anything, because I'm so kind of sick, still. Can I say anything that's gonna get me in trouble? I feel like I said a lot of crazy things.

Yeah, you did. Like what, what juice triangle? Juice triangle was the tough one. There was it with the hoof thing. Yeah, I didn't, yeah. You didn't really say that. I didn't say it. Yeah, you said hoof. Then you said something about a fuck doll and

you held her over Ari's big Jewish cock. That was wrong. That was wrong. But you apologize right away. I love you. She's the best. I love it. Very funny. Both of them. God bless. Yeah. So I'll get a call. That's fine. You won't know he's going to see this. What's the questions for Bobby? The first one is from Tom Rotten. He said, did he invent fried rice? And does he play a joke and go pee pee in your Coke? I'm aware that he's Korean. Oh, it's intense.

It was pretty wild. Yeah, I can't believe that Max read that. As a producer in my show, I can't believe he read that and said, let me lead off with this one. Let me ask you something, Max. Yeah. Were there other options? Yeah, there's a lot of others.

Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. Can I, may I address them? Please. The first one, fried rice? No. I didn't think so. Me Chinese, me play Joe, me go pee pee in your Coke.

Was that the second? I can't stop you right there though. Yeah, I'm kinda glad, yeah, it's that question because that you doing it is one of the greatest things I've seen in my life. Well, because I remember as a kid, you know, they would do that. Do you know the game?

I don't know the game, but I... So you would do this. A white kid would walk up to me, and they'd go like this. And they'd go, open the refrigerator, take out the coke, drink it, you would drink it. And then the white guy would go, me Chinese, me play a joke, me go pee pee in your coke. And then laugh running away and I would

you stand in there did you close the fridge no I keep it open you kept it up yeah yeah what the fuck this happened can I try it yeah go ahead okay I say to you okay go open the refrigerator Take out the coke drink it Me Chinese me play joke me go pee pee in your cold It's so funny Okay, it's pretty funny. It's pretty pretty. It's pretty funny. Yeah, you're right. It's pretty good Yeah, so next one is not funny. Can I say this it doesn't make any sense? It's fun It is fun to do because the refrigerator going on.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, and, um, but I don't know why that even came up. Think about what would happen. Like, who made that up? Look, a swastika is terrible, but it's fun to draw. Yeah, but it would make it, but it would, there's bad things. I know. That are bad, but it's fun.

What they're alluding to is that we have a tendency of drinking, it's peeing in coke bottles. Yeah. And I don't think that's a true, that we do. No, I've never read that we, I it's peeing in cookbots. Yeah. And I don't think that's a dream that we do. No, I've never read that we, I've never peed in a cookbottle. Okay. All right, I'm not Chinese either.

Okay, yeah, yeah. There's a Chinese people do that. There's a Chinese people do that. Ronnie Chang, that's it. Hey, stop it running. Marvel, relax. All right, what's next, Max? Okay, so David Knox asks,

if your brother's gonna be on Tiger Belly again? Well, my brother just did bad friends He did it comes up this week. Oh great. Yeah, and it's a funny is episode. We've done Aside from Andrew. I mean all the Andrews are great, but this one with my brother is wild. Okay, good comes out this week and Is your brother in the business? He has a podcast with Jeremiah Watkins called oh, I know who he is Why would you ask that then? I cuz I didn't know that was your brother That's my brother Steve. No shit. I never met him. Yeah, so Steve has one called Siser Brothers with Jeremiah

Yeah, I love Jeremiah and And my brother won't be on Tiger Belly for a while. Why I can't't get into it. Really? Yeah. Did he hit you? No. Did you fight very much? Did you fight? You fought. Whoever the guy that I asked the question is trying to stir problems. Really?

Yeah. Wow. And I'm like people who stir problems. You know I'm stirring problems. Next question. So you got to fight with your brother? No, I love my brother. Go ahead.

But you get to fight. I don't know. See, this is why. Okay. I want to this is why okay. I want the rather battle comes out I won't I won't the rattle if you ask me again the rally. I won't ask you that again. All right, but you guys are good Okay, no, I'm just dead on a body Bobby. I was right now, dude. It was a different question round. Okay, stop I will let it go. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out Next question, I Adam Galvest asked if you would ever do a sketch comedy show again?

Yeah, I would. I just, you know, they don't do them. Yeah, they don't do them. And it's like, you would depend. I mean, who's in it and who's doing it and how much money it was. Right. But it's not one of those, it's not a dream of mine to do it. Next question. Uh, uh, say in Z rage says ask him about a Brendan Schwab and Brian Cowne

sending him. So there we go. They threaten you. I mean, it's just like you just like to stir up the fucking body. I'm not asking these fuck your people did. Let me ask you question. Do I know the questions before they come in? No, I just have them in front of me.

Okay, I don't know why they threaten you. Because you, you know you're opening up and you think about the refrigerator. Can you cover your Okay, I don't know why they threaten you. Because now you're opening up, I mean, think about the refrigerator. Can you cover your stomach? No, please. You're being rude. You're being fucking rude, right? I'm just saying your stomach's out. I don't want you to look at it later.

Go, hey, can you cut that out when my stomach was out? Cause I don't like the way it looks. I know you LA comics get. Oh, so you're opening up a window. I'm kidding. That was the Brennan Shop thing. Oh, this thing, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There you get, it's a whole, it opening up a window. I'm kidding. It's the Brendan shop thing. Oh this thing. Yeah. Yeah, there you get It's it's a whole it's Let me say something. Why would they threaten you that those are macho big guys that it really could hurt somebody

Why would they threaten you? Oh, man? It's such a big thing man. Just tell me the little version. There is no little What did you do? I didn't do anything Bobby fuck you man. Okay, wait a second. There's been a lot of people that Yeah Didn't do anything Bobby fuck you. Okay, wait a second. There's been a lot of people that Yeah, yeah, go ahead. There's been a lot you can't you have your afraid intimacy. I'm dude. I do this No, that's not that's okay. That's okay. All right. That's not intimate. All right. This is intimate I do this no that's gay. We'll stop it stop doing this. Okay, all right, but What is what you're trying to do is I'm just asking what did what happened? What was your part of it? There is no part. You didn't, they just threatened you. Let's beat up Bobby. Because if I were to fucking even get into it right now,

it's gonna start the war again and it's died down. Okay, so they don't really wanna hurt you. No, I just have to say this, is that my relationship with those two guys are pretty much done. Really? Yes. I thought you were friends with him. No.

Oh no. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. No, I just have to say this is that my relationship with those two guys are pretty much done. Really? Yes. I thought you were friends with him. No. Oh, no. No.

That stinks. It's getting easier. I think Brendan texted me the other day texting him back. Oh, it's good. Very abrupt text back. What was it? Watch your back. No, he's like, I have a job thing for you.

Oh, cool. I go, nah, and that was pretty much it. Oh, really? He had a job for you and you Oh, cool. And I go, nah, and that was pretty much it. Oh, really? He had a job for you and you said, no. It was like an ad thing or whatever, an opportunity for me, but I was just like, nah, I'm not interested. Was it good money?

It was okay. Was it for a product you didn't like? Oh, it was fine. Oh, yeah. I just, right now I'm not ready to do business with them. Really? Okay, so serious. Very serious.

Wow. And very ugly. And it, you know, it had to do with my brain. Really? Yeah. Okay. So serious. Very serious. Wow. And very ugly. And it, um, you know, it had to do with my breakup with Klaila. Oh, sure. They did it. They broke you up. Mm-hmm.

They were a big part of it. Wow. And, um, so as much like the Ari, you broke Ari up with the girl. Was it like that? See what you do, though? It's New York shit. up with the girl. Was it like that? See what you do though? It's New York shit. I'm not. Yeah, it's not new. That's what I'm talking about. That's a question. That's a faunzy shabby. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not a fresh. Don't do this man. Don't do this man. You know what you did, dude. All right, let's go to the next question. Next question. These questions are pretty intense. And I'm crazy. I may apologize. What was the first question again? Me Chinese one. Yeah.

Yeah. Go back to the Me Chinese. I think that's better. Yeah. I so bend over ask, because probably more of a tits or ask guy. I'm moving ask guy. Really?

Tits, I'm a tits. I'm an ass. I like a tits. I like small tits. I like all kinds of tits. I like a little titty, a big titty, a saggy tits. I'm an ass. I like a tits. I like small tits. I like all kinds of tits. I like a little titty, a big titty, a saggy titty, one big, one small, big nipple small. I love tits.

I'm a vagina guy. Let's be honest. I'm not. I like a tits and a mouth. I like a kiss. I like to kiss. I like titties. You're like insertion.

And I like a bow jump. You're like insertion. Insertion, it takes a lot. Because you can't impregnate. You're gonna worry about f I like a blowjob. You're like insertion. Insertion, it takes a lot because you can't, pregnant, you gotta worry about fucked in. Crab's or whatever. Right, right, right, right. A mouth, you can make it out, grab a titty, she grabbed a titty.

I can't come through the mouth. Why? I just can't. Really? I've never done it. You've never come from my heart. I'm an hour can go. For a blowjob.

You're not getting it right. You're not getting it done right. I've had great ones. I've had the pros. What do you mean the pros? What is what is that mean? What what do you mean the pro okay? Okay, okay, okay white power You've had a pro like a pro I've had like like professionals do it like a hooker. No a professional porn star Somebody has something like that. I've think great people. Why are you singing? You're singing I don't know why you think it's something like that. I just can't do it. Okay. All right. All right Move on. I don't know why you get angry with it. I'm just trying to inspect it. I'm trying to help. I'm just trying to help you Bobby

Move on all right fine. What was the second question again? The second one was about His brother doing Tiger Belly again. All right, let's move on. It's going to happen. Let's move on. All right. If you could change your race, which one would you choose? Come on, it's easy. I like who I am. Oh, God, if you could though, please, for the sake of comedy, for the sake of comedy, if you can, can I go through the ones on? Yes. Mexican.

No, I'm just going through them. Okay. The hands on what kind? Black. I'll be not Mexican. Do not. Oh, I'm just saying Italian. Not, not, no Irish. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Shots white. You know, Andrew is he Jewish? No, he's not.

He's not. He's not. Why you thought he was Jewish? Why is that? Just a fun of white, man. Deast a fauna. That's Italian white. Is he Italian?

Italian. Without the Italian, that kind of white. Without the Italian, that type of white. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay, cool. Got it.

Next question. If there was one thing you could stick in your ass for fun, what would it be? No peckers. Stickin' my bun? Yep in your ass for fun. What would it be? No Packers. Sticking my bun. Yep. Yeah for fun. A non-lit M80 With the WIC in or out just just the the WIC out the WIC out so I could like it. Okay. Don't light it. Yeah if you did right I believe that be exhilarating. I'd be dead. No you wouldn't just. You just have a bullet. If I suck a whole MAD in my bottle. Yes.

And I lit it, everything would explode. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that. It's like lighting a fucking, you know, firecracker in your hand holding it. Yeah. You blow your hand out.

You blow your, you get burned, but you still have a hand. I don't think you would, right? Let's try it. No. All right. Yeah. What was the craziest thing you've ever stuck in your ass?

A penis? What? What's that crazy? What? You've stuck a penis, you've had gay sex? You've had man sex? Why is it weird? It's not weird.

Are you acting like it's weird? I didn't know you did. Whatever. You had gay sex. It's okay. It's, it's, it's okay. Was it a guy? Yeah.

In your bum? Uh-huh. You're making me feel so uncomfortable right now. Buddy, I don't, you shouldn't feel uncomfortable, that's good for you that you're bisexual. I'm not bisexual. At all. Did you have a guy have his penis in your bum?

Yeah. Your, buddy, I'm sorry to let you in on this. Yeah. And maybe nobody told you, because they don't love you. You're bisexual. Also if it was rape, it's bisexual. You were raped. Yeah.

Yeah, you're still bisexual. Sorry. Okay, well then I'm bisexual. All right, good for you. All right, listen. How many more questions we got? Two more. All right, two more, let's do it. All right, so this one is,

that's on one year of sober you recently hit. What has been the most challenging aspect of the past year and what has it taught you? My breakup with Collyla, we were together for 10 years. I love her so much and it's been hard. She just, she moved out a month ago. It's been so fucking hard. Yeah, she's.

I live in a house. It's empty. She took the dogs. I had four dogs. Wow, she took live in a house, it's empty, she took the dogs, I had four dogs. Wow, she took them all. Yeah, and then because I go on the roads, I couldn't keep them. And I still have the cats, but they don't make noise.

You know what I mean? You definitely buy sex. And they're my freezer. They're in your freezer. My point is, no, I don't eat them. But it's been so quiet and lonely. Yeah, that's hard. It's hard, thanks.

Yeah, yeah. Because you think you want that, but you don't. You know what, so funny? I don't think I do. You don't want that. No, for 10 years I was like, maybe the fantasy. Listen to that. And then when you're actually out of it, you're like, no, I think it was a good thing.

Jesus. Yeah, I fucked up. It was a great thing. I think I fucked up. I went through that maybe 18 years ago with my wife. When we moved from LA, we lived in LA, that shit... Staying with my wife, you have now? Wife, I have now.

We lived together in LA for a minute. And we drove back here together and we lived here for a couple of years where I was just a piece of shit. I was just on the road, fucking asshole, and we got to the point where I was gonna lose her. And it sucked that I had to make that choice. I remember every one of my friends told me, let it go, you're a piece of shit for life, let it go.

Except for Quinn, Colin Quinn was like, go get help. Try to salvage this, because, you know, if you let it go, you might regret it for the rest of your life. If in eight months you find out you can't, you're just still an asshole, believe you won't regret it. And he was right. I mean, I got my shit together, went into therapy, dealt with a lot of bullshit from my

childhood, and now we have a nine-year-old son and shit like that. So, you know, we, uh, 15 years of marriage. So thank God, but yeah, I, I wanted that too, but I really didn't, I wanted to be, uh, you know, in love. And with somebody, I thought, let's move on. Good. All right, the last question is for both, both you guys. Maybe my analogy wasn't that hard.

It was hard. Yeah Because my life is so good right now. Yeah, I hit it. Okay. Yeah My kid is awesome We're going on vacation tomorrow. Okay, okay The last question I went back into the bed last night. I came home at like 12 They're all in the big bay together so we we jumped in the bed together. And we were just laughing, like hysterically laughing as a family. And what are you doing right now, Dan?

I'm good. Listen to the sound. Listen to the sound. Okay. Okay. Please don't pull it. All right. Please stop that.

One more question. Go ahead. Okay. So this is to both you. What's your favorite atrocity? It's a atrocity. We're both. Can I say something about me and you that I love? What? We're both the same exact stupid. I know I'm dumb. Where are you dumb? But I'm dumb. I'm so dumb. I'm dumb. I'm dumb. Are we? We're smart. In other ways that people are, but on that question, I'm just like,

I don't even know what it means. Yeah, I don't. And I was waiting for you to go. You read a book. I, yeah, but not a lot. I've never read a book. I read, I read interview with a vampire and then half of the stat and I tapped out. Right, right.

And then I read, I read Bob Newharts book. Well, the fuck was that? Why would you fucking, I love Bob's real life? He's awesome. Yeah, but it's the random. It's random. I have, I have. I'm fucking.

What book do you read? I've read notes from the underground. No soy afsky. Okay. The idiot. Okay. I've read Kierker Gards, Fear and Trombling. Okay, you just set me up to be an asshole. Yeah, but I didn't understand what I was reading. But you set me up. No, I've read uh, Kierker guards, fear and trembling. Okay. You just set me up to be an asshole.

Yeah, but I didn't understand what I was reading. But you set me up. No, I didn't understand. No, because back in the day, I thought I was like this intellectual. So in my early 20s before I did stand up, yeah, I would do coffee shops and I played chess and read Dostoevsky and listened to rock and roll on and off, but I didn't like any of it. But I wanted people to think that I was cool. And then let's see this, see where I'm sitting right now. Yeah. I, because I saw this guy sit like this, some intellectual. So I forced myself to sit like this. So I would be at coffee shops with a cigarette. I would play, I would lose every game. I didn't know how to play chess, right? But I would like, you know what I mean, and talk about these things that had no concept of. I would watch Kurosawa films. I don't know anything, I don't know anything about them. I don't know what it all means in any kind of way or shape or form. I love it. Yeah, but I'm a good

faker. Oh good. Me too. I'm a good faker. I just recently lost weight. Yeah, you look great. I've been sitting like this too. Yeah. There's nothing I sit like an intelligent gay man most of the time. Yeah. And it's the happiest. This is the one of the best parts of losing weight. Your shape's so weird. What are you talking about? My shape's weird? Yeah. What do you mean? It's like, like, you being very sister. I'm not.

It's all right. All right. I mean, what's the, my kids do. I mean, I was so happy last night and me and my son went in the other room and we had snacks together. You're bringing us all together. What, dude?

I get your life, but you know what? My day ain't some done in the sun, dog. Yeah. I'm gonna get mine. Yeah. Okay. You think I'm done? No, don't done that to me, man.

You think I'm done, dude? That's the last one I have. End it. All right, one more question. End it. That was the last question. Oh, cool. We made it through without you pulling your rattlesnake out. I won't do it. I'm professional It's so awesome a different Bobby. Let me tell you something. I fucking so happy we hooked up and thank you for coming down

I Appreciate it of course man. This is good and good luck on your new podcast Good luck. No, I'm not doing it. Um good luck to you Check out everybody. I hope you enjoyed the talk your belly bad friends. I mean, I'm wearing luck to you. Check out everybody. I hope you enjoyed the podcast. Tiger belly, bad friends. I mean, I'm wearing the hoodie right now. The two of the funniest podcasts out there. I love it. Honestly, dude, we're family.

We'll always be family. And, you know, I just love the, you know, LA in New York, there's no war. No, there's love. Podcasting, I think, made us love. Made us realize we're both funny. Because I love a lot. I mean, I really, all the comics out there.

I went out there last time. I had such a blast. I love it. Yeah, and I come out here and I do, you know, you guys' podcast is great. Any fucking time you want. See Chris tomorrow. Just a follow-on. Yeah, he's the best.

He's the best. He's the best. He's the best. He's the best. He's the best. He's the best. He's the best. He's the best. Go to robbercatalib.com, check out all my dates and become become a member of patreon.com, search robbercadolive.com, he's supporting this show by going there,

and make sure you check out Bobby Lee, make you check out all the boys, read off everybody's stuff, you get at Mike V. Swarris, you get jokes, Russell, Q, show, he's got a new video coming out this week, a rock and roll video, make sure you get my special kill box at luick.com,

directed and produced by Louis, it's on his website, go go to comic whereables dot com and make sure you check out. Collette Kelly, you got Y key WD, you get all the gear up there. Use code word lady bugs and you will get 20% off of everything. Make sure you check out Danny. Danny, what is your website speaking to the microphone at Danny Braff on Instagram at Danny Braff my autistic crew here max what do you got

Max Marcus comedy uh and uh I got I got much coming with me to Tampa at the sides but just make sure you come and check us out you guys are the best fans and we'll see you next time on you know what dude I can't believe you didn't show you dick this is great What, dude? I can't believe you didn't show you dick. This is great. you