Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Body Folds

Episode Date: May 21, 2018

Big Jay Oakerson and Dave Temple are in studio with Bobby for amazing episode! Skin tags, raising kids and girlfriend expectations, no fold is left unturned! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a clash to fire. It's podcast, no rules. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head.

I have a bunch of you guys on. It's just us sitting down Yeah, and sometimes it's hilarious sometimes it's 10 no topics no directions. I love doing it Side to the coin Daydying my podcast is popular. I might affect of these lives. You never know. Got you. 5,000 episodes. Eight years. Fucking, I've literally gone through people's careers on this show, where they succeeded and failed. And went back to success and failed.

I mean, literally, I've fucking generations of comedy every week, the YKWD podcast is here for you people. I've, I mean, every other show has spawned off of this fucking show. And we've been here every week through the good times in the bad, you know, I mean, the fucking Kelly and for Stook Chris and Lauren and now Mike and Gat, I mean, somebody I'll just be here by myself,

just an old fuck and The technology be so insane. I won't even need I'll just go Blink and video on and live and I'll just go to you guys right to your eyeball You know what did right in your fucking eye? You know what dad And I'll cough cuz I I'll have cancer by then Some type of fucking disease that I can't afford to get cured, because my SAG fucking dues weren't paid. You don't pay your dues?

I pay my dues. Don't make it real. At first of all, let's just go right to laughable.com. You guys, I wanna plug these guys every week. I love this app, I love this company. Get the app, go to iTunes, download guys every week. I love this app. I love this company. Get the app. Go to iTunes, download LaughBull. You love podcasts.

This is the app for you because you, everybody on this today's show, will be there. Subscribe, look at my show. Listen to it from the app. And then you'll see all the guests on this show and all the podcasts they do and their own podcast. And it's just, it's a spiral out of control.

It's like a YouTube spiral of podcasts laughable.com. It's the only app for podcasts out there. Comedy seller Vegas is open and rocking. They took a week off to rework a few things, retool it. And now it is back. And this week it is Julie McCulloch, Sam Morrell, Beth's selling and Ryan Hamilton. That's show right there.

Any given night Friday Saturday at the seller. I mean, it's a fucking slam in line with your MC Mark Cohen. It is crazy. It starts this week. Comedy seller Vegas. Go to comedyseller.com. Get your tickets. If you're in Vegas, if you're going to Vegas, plan a trip to Vegas, make sure you go and check it.

It's the thing to do. You go see Wayne Newton, you get married by an Elvis and Perth, you get a head in the hallway, and you go to Comedy Cellar Las Vegas at the Rio. Make sure it happens. I want to make sure, I want to thank every single member of Patreon, patreon.com, so that's Robert Kelly.

I got a brand new one on one up there with Rocky Dale Davis that went up. Really interesting cat. I met out in and Syracuse and also I got a cipher sound one on one is up there, but this week I'm very excited. It's probably out tonight, Sunday night on Monday. I think it comes out Monday It's it's happening the Ron Bennington Live from the shed. He came up Got him up there. We did an hour up in the shed and it's with patreon members only So if you're a lips in member get the fuck off cancel it and don't please don't email me go

I don't I don't know how to do it I said I unsubscribe to this I just figure it out make a phone call contact us in lips and just unsubscribe from lips in I love all You guys just we had a thousand people go over here patreon.com Sash Robert Kelly support me over here. You get so much more Kelly, support me over here. You get so much more. The live from the Shed Show. I'm up there on the Patreon. What is it called?

The app thing where it's like almost like a story that I do up there for just Patreon people. And we have the one-on-ones for just Patreon members. There you go, for the members of my channel. God bless. And here he is. Look at that. There he is.

Perfect timing. I wanna make sure that you guys, channel God bless and here he is. There he is. Perfect timing. I want to make sure that you guys, I think all you guys who are members of my channel over on Patreon, God bless you. Here we go. We got a, we got a, I'm very excited about this show. It's a nooner because I have my son, my son has a dance thing tonight. I don't know what that means.

A dance thing? Let me, I don't know. He sees five. So we're, you know, we're in a six or a shirt. No. I'm not going to be wearing a shirt either, baby doll. Anyways. You're a lot of, I can't wait to get jerked off by you. I can't wait to, I'm going to get my skin tags removed

and F. What? What? What? You're gonna get a DL to bring up skin tags at noon. She doesn't know. She has no idea, not yet, but she will. Oh, it's all about that.

One of the grossest things ever when I did, fuck, my brain's going. Is there a drug, a memory drug I can start taking? Is there something I can do? It's probably something. You got to find a commercial with like an old man who keeps telling you what great shape he's got. Fix his mic so we can talk and do it. What's 60 years old? Look at me. Fix is not like Michael. Can you help Jay? He can't work with those mittens. The mic slips out. First of all, we got Dave Temple.

How you doing buddy? I'm all right man, how you doing? I'm doing good. I'm doing good. You've been having it on a while. Nah, nah, yeah. I've been on a road man. And you've been on a while.

We get, of course, Big J. You've been on it a while either. No, yeah, it's been some time. Some time, Jesus. You guys are both NPR and me right now. No, I've been on the the road it's been some time The seasons change I'm on my way to being a big fucking deal

Hope you make it quick Hope you make it in the next 10 minutes you have to leave Give me a nice hot phone call guys you got to go all right see you later Me and Jake you talk about food and hand jobs to the next fucking towers. Yeah, skin-pack conversation. I'll check out, dude. What's a girl, Amy's friend, the big girl, blonde.

Bridget, Bridget, Bridget average. She asked me to do, she goes, I need you. I want you to distinct from my special and comedy center where I play a guy know, and I I'm down there and I'm doing all the stuff So we get in there. I get all my stuff. I get the smock on I get in there for camera. She goes listen There's a skin tag down there. I don't want to hear about it. Just deal with it So I go now I took a picture. She let me take a picture of it. It was right by her fucking twat Just this this look like a little hand. Why are you getting rid of this? I don't know, yeah, tie some dental floss on it

or something. What is this? You can't tug them off. What is this? You'll bleed out. You'll bleed out. No, you'll bleed out. You're not gonna bleed out from a skin tag.

All skin tags are connected to arteries. Did you know that? No, but you're not, you'll bleed a lot, but you're not gonna bleed out. I don't know what it is. A skin tag is when chubby people, their skin rubs together and forms a butter. And, and I'm giving it.

I hate it. What is a skin tag? It's not even, doesn't have to be necessarily fat people. It's people, if some of you wear like a, people who are like, chains or necklaces, get them sometimes, it's just from like, irritation of the skin.

Oh, like a skin. And it's sort of like, sort of like, more it's like a little kind of flappy, like, piece of skin. You've never seen it on anybody of, like, a little kind of flappy piece of skin. You've never seen it on anybody before? I want you to show them one. I don't have any. Really? I'm going to take one on the right side of my ass nut.

Right on my ass. Right on my ass. Oh, good. Yeah, what are they, Michael? Skin tags are more common among people with diabetes as well as people who are fuck, or who are you to be shit? Why are we looking at this? I know.

I'm not looking at this. He's trying to educate me. This isn't fun. It's gonna bum me out. The, it's friction, friction, it's friction created by skin rubbing against skin. Yes.

A side effect of being overweight is what? Cause the skin tags in certain people and explains why skin tags often grow in body folds. So, ah! I've never been more happy when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there

when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there

when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I was out there when I don't know. What was it, body folds? Oh shit. Did you get a bunch of like age things start smacking you and things I've never had before? I'm currently dealing with, I either have my first ever hemorrhoid or there's a hard marble in my asshole. Hi. That's, that's not, listen, bro.

That's not good. Maybe it's a tumor. Can you type in hard marble in asshole? I'm just exactly on that. No, it's not. Where you marble and asshole. There's non-born. There's no bullshit like that is because someone else has searched that same thing.

That's why it comes right up. There's some of the fucking asshole in Montgomery, Alabama. Hard marble and asshole. I'm worried about a small lump in my ass. That's on. That's on though. I'm talking about in. Yeah. That's on though. I'm talking about in.

Yeah. Can you capitalize in? P-size lump. P-size, where's that? I see it. Down there on the bottom. P-size lump. No, right down the bottom there.

There you go. Lump around anal hole. Yours is in, dude. If you think you have a medical emergency blah, blah, blah, blah. Prove and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. blah blah blah. I just I was just sure I do I hope you have cancer. I just like you have to call dice and say, hey, I'm not going on the tour. I got a lump in my asshole. Oh, I just sort of nothing. All right. That was more sad. If I do an act out, you laugh. Even if it's not funny. I got it. All right. Cool. Cool. Listen, that was more sad if I do an act out you last

Hello, I have the following problem. It's a fairly small lump about pea-sized It's not particularly painful. Yeah, but if I press on it there is a little Is that what nothing severe at all? It's around the whole of the Aenus. I first noticed that maybe a week and a half ago. At first, I couldn't locate it again, so I forgot all about it. Not many. Earlier today, I came across it again. There it is.

It's not particularly hard. It's not exactly soft either. And it isn't really prone to moving around too much. I think the first, it was just. We got the one second. What is Gabby doing? Chicking her ass hole from the first one. Which is not the one second. What is Gabby doing? Checking her ass hole from the pizza. She's fingering her ass hole

thing if she has it. I got it. You need a second opinion. What a hell. I'm all good. She'd spill your finger and check me. I don't know what she was doing. Why would you do a magic? I was trying to I'm all good. Check spill your finger and check me. I don't know what to do. Why would you do a magic?

I was trying to look for the bomb danna. Oh, okay. It's not there. It's not there. Wow, I would love to use it, but where is it? Did somebody steal it? Where is it? It's not the cup.

It's not the cup. It's not the cup. So what did the doctors say? It's all trying to find. Really? They didn't even go to the doctor. That's why he wrote it on the internet like that. He was supposed to say asshole. But usually doctors reply after.

Jesus Christ, you're so negative. He doesn't even have a follow-up. He died. I feel like you're a gang member instead of a comic. Dude, I wish I would have died in some gang shit. If this is what I got, to look forward to getting older, shit. So fucking angry.

What the fuck happened? None of my homies that died and got murals on the wall have to worry about any of this shit true Call a doctor for every young call doctor Steve right now. Thank you old school way Phone up to Mike. Yeah, I hope he has only good information Well, I'm gonna get my skin tags removed next week. Just cut him off an nail clippers bro. Yeah, oh Hello Hey, Steve. You live on YKWD. I need your help. Oh

Real quick Let me put this heart back in the cooler Let me put this let me put this dead ladies hand down All right All right, what you got? I like myself in the bathroom at the Cancer Center. Oh, just smelling cancer shits. Can't deal with it anymore. It's the bunch of ball people.

I can evacuate my bowels while I'm talking to you. Oh, please. Oh, nice. That's why we're here. Take a nice healthy doctor shit. Absolutely. Hey, okay, two things, skin tags. Now, if you get a skin tag on the right side near your asshole, what is that?

Oh, okay. If it's near your asshole, it's most likely an old hemorrhoid. Because we don't tend to develop skin tags in that area unless they're hemorrhagic tissue. So what happens is you get a hemorrhage is a vericose vein of the asshole. Yeah. And some of these things will kind of bloop up to the outside and as you say, you say, you used to wear a bloop. It's a medical term. It's a medical term. Now just checking it from the way. I like blue. What if it's as the vein sort of scars down and leave a skin. Okay, okay, now you can't just rip skin tags off, right?

I would advise against it, although the way we remove skin tags is kind of what we'll do is we'll sterilize the area and then which is or for sex on the skin tag itself so you pull it up and then we have surgical scissors that are razor-sharred and you kind of bend the thing over one of the blades of the scissors to just very quickly cut off the blood supply. And then you sniff it. It takes just, you know, however long it takes to sniff it. Dr. Steve.

And that, when you do it, that way it doesn't bleed very much. And it will heal without a scar. Stop. Dr. Steve, let's just say you're like, you know, like a train jumping hobo and you don't have time to find a doctor. Could nail clippers do the same function? Okay, I did that on myself because I don't take my own advice until, you know, I tell people go to the doctor and have this done because we can do it properly. So I had these nail clippers and I had one in my Inglinal region, aka my groin, and I don't recommend it. Because I got a half way through and I went, oh shit this is a mistake. And then I had to finish and it was extremely painful. Those things aren't sharp enough and you can't do it quick enough to do it painlessly. Now what if I had a bushcraft knife?

Yeah. It's very expensive. You know, use the right tool for the job. You know, the right tool for this is surgical scissors. So you're saying left hand to scissors in a right hand. No, I've had people, you know, use dental floss and time on. Yeah. And that work, that totally works. The problem is you've got a dead skin and time on. Yeah. And that work, that totally works.

The problem is you've got a dead skin tag hanging off. Yeah. Yeah. And you have a wife that's throwing up in the fucking garbage because she had a hold of skin tag while you tied it. Can I ask about my, yes, what's up? This is the main problem we need to ask. I hope you have some more poo in your,

your gut to let out, because Big J has a hard P-like lump in his ass hole and in his ass hole. Never felt it before, but I just see, no, Dr. Steve, I'm really like to pay attention to cleanliness and in the shower, I will about half index finger finger my asshole. Half? In there.

You're not allowed, a lot of people do that. You talking second knuckle, second knuckle? Yeah, second knuckle for sure. He's just good. And in there on the, my left, you are right hand side. I bet your asshole looks at the end of an elephant trunk. Nope, it's okay, I'm telling you. Take a lot of good care of it. Inside I feel like, yeah, like a little hard. It hurts a little

if you push it, not terrible, but I've never felt that before. It's hard. Yeah, okay. So, that is most likely a thrombost hemorrhoid. In other words, you had a hemorrhoid there and now it's clotted off and it's become hard. The thing is you can't tell without visualizing the damn thing. So what you what you're going to want to do is go to your primary care provider and they should have a thing called an anus goat. What an anus goat is, it's a funnel. It's a metal funnel with a slot in it and you shove this thing up the person's ass hole and then you pull the little slot out and the Rectal tissue will kind of fold into the slot and then you can turn this thing around 360 degrees

and see the With the Bobby's fingers would be like if Bobby He's a big room. Okay, that's fine. It's fine. It's been there. Okay. Now if I have one of those at my house Can I let him borrow my You can as long as you clean it he could use your ainess ago Yeah, cuz I sold those as merch around three years ago On the Canadian tour. My anal sounds. That's hilarious. I could actually get you some anal sounds that you can do.

Can I please have some? Oh absolutely. Thank you. I'm not even getting any hilarious. Can I do and can I do it to Jay? Yeah, you know, I wouldn't recommend it. I'm not going to be a little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more

little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more little bit more I love the word game. I can really relax enough to get a whole set of nail clippers up there. And now travel size like legit nail clippers. You can just look at it. You wouldn't need the anus.

You use the toilet paper roll to hold it open. Yeah. Actually. All right. So he needs to go to the doctors. I need to go to the doctors to get him. Okay, yeah, because I don't want my... And if you lose weight, then I won't have any more skin tags, right?

Well, they're... Okay, so they... Most skin tags show up in folds. So if you don't have a fold, you're going to have fewer skin tags. And if you lose weight, you'll have fewer folds. So that follows. Most of these things are genetic, though.

I've seen people with just like hundreds of them on their neck. But doesn't it just lose in a fold just exposes the skin tags, right? It's like maybe, maybe, maybe. It's that kind of skin is more susceptible. Look at that old lady cat on cats. Keep your folds in your skin tags or lose the weight and get your skin tags removed. Dr. Steve, this thing in my butthole, do you, once they funnel my ass, so I'm OK with all that.

Once you funnel my ass, so the treatment would be what? Just kind of leave it alone, I'll go away. I put preparation H at my ass all the the treatment would be what just kind of leave it alone I'll go away I put preparation H up my ass all today yeah if it's just a scarred down hemorrhoid they can just leave it alone nice if it's not painful and it's not bleeding you don't have to do anything to it but they need to confirm that's what it is because it could be cancer well it could be a you know it could be a, you know, it could be a ward or something. You know what I mean, man, maybe. Now here's a problem.

Dr. Steve, here's a problem. What if my primary care physician just got indicted on accepting bribes to send people to certain medical labs? Sounds like a good egg. Yeah, she's doing all right. Well, don't go to Latina woman doctor. Yeah. She's people in her apartment. Skuntas. Don't go to Latina woman doctor People in her apartment

She's in all kinds of trouble. Yeah, she's her kids in the waiting room because it's her living room Poppy put it down I forgot my anal funnel Hector bring mom the anal funnel play with you mommy you said I got play with it. Bring my dream All right, Dr. Steve. Thank you so much. I'm fine, Dr. Steve Weird medicine one of my favorite shows on riot cast go check it out the great Dr. Steve everybody take it easy, but I'm doing the hand jerk off signal. What's that? No, no, no.

Visuals don't work on radio. I know. I don't know if it's good having a doctor on call like that. It's just like that's like human web MD you're going to get the worst to go as all those things or just could be straight up cancer. I don't have also. Same thing with the web details. Oh chronic headaches like you're probably not drinking enough water or full blown cancer. I'm saying the same thing that the WMD tells you, chronic headaches, like

you're probably not drinking enough water or full blown cancer. Well, he you're right about that because I call him a lot about shit. And I've I've learned there's certain things I'm just going to have to take the hit on. But I've never heard you call him in him not answer either. That's the scary part. Well, because we're very close friends. We're friends other than me calling him for that stuff and of course the podcast, I've, he's been to my house for Thanksgiving. I know his family, his kids.

I've never been to his office. I've been to his house. But not his office. Well, he's not even sure if he's really a doctor. His office is a hospital. He works at a hospice. So he doesn't have like a, he has an office in there. But a hospice. Yeah, that's how it's like, he's just talking to you. So he doesn't have like a, he has an office in there, but a hospice.

Yeah, that sounds like it's just talking to people. What's that? That's only people who are dying. He's the worst kind of doctor. He went into some, yeah, he's- They put him at the end of the line when you can't save anybody's life. Steve, listen, you're a pretty shitty doctor,

so just keep these people comfortable till they die. Just hold them up. Look, cut their skin tags off. Cut them, figure their butt holes with funnels. Put your stuff Got their skin tags off. I'm finger their butt holes, it's funnels. What's the stuff on their funky toe nails? I love belly kisses. What is it takes? He's just sitting there and sitting towards the light.

You have to understand though that when we're talking about this Gabby's face, she doesn't understand what she's in for. I didn't like a second of it. She is so in like clean body. Like I remember just not even knowing about this stuff, like warrants or hemorrhoids or skin tags. It's definitely an old thing. It's an age thing.

But when you're in your 20s to see a skin tag on a guy, would you throw? Would you throw up right on it and throw up on the skin tag. I know you wouldn't I don't think you would they're really not skin tags do you have pictures of no it's sometimes again I guess they can get gross but for the most part like my dad always had one like on his neck right here but it was nothing like they're pretty gross. I mean I wouldn't want to grab it. I got in the hot tub in Atlantic City. I was a mistake. Floating.

These are bad eggs. These are gross. Something like that. That's a better, the 1, 2, 3. The fourth picture over from the left on the top row is kind of like what I've seen. These are, some of these are pretty gross. A skin tag.

Listen, this one on the ass, the ass hole right there. Oh, that's an ass hole. Oh, it's just moles. No, those are skin tags. I thought I'm a picture. I thought I'm a picture. Yeah, my grandma's got that on just moles. No, those are skin tags. I thought I'm big extra. Yeah, my grandma's got that on her face. No, those are skin tags. Okay.

Yeah, those are skin tags. So, these are my grandma that don't want her face to get it. Just folding her, your mom's a sharpie. So, if you, that's the one, see the one, see the one over to the right there. The bottom row, scroll down a little bit. The bottom, yeah, the bottom, put your hand over to the right there. The bottom row, scroll down a little bit. The bottom, yeah, the bottom, put your hand up to the next row. The middle row. All the way over the fourth one.

See that one right there? That's the one that I saw in Bridget's thigh. Like that. Wasn't that, it looks like a little hand. You know, I got him. I know people with him all over their neck like that. Next stuff, that's pretty gross. because it looks like little bugs on their Necks more in Freeman's face

Yeah, it's my girls got some of those in our armpits and she won't let me pull them Yeah, daddy's gonna go behind the curtain. I guess I don't know if he's puke and a masturbating Look at this one on her eye. Look at the way. If I saw that, I would. Oh. Ah, she must have been Asian. Oh, it's like off the push-hush. Imagine dating her and having to go look.

Look, you need to, you need to look at that. Wasn't there when I met you? If you wasn't waiting your eyes. Like if she has that, but she gives amazing head. I mean, where an eye patch, but... Just keep your eye open. Just keep that fucking eye open. When she opens and closes her eye, it catches your pubes underneath the thing that she

acts them out. No, when she's blowing, you can feel like a little fan. You can hear it like... What the fuck is that? You might want to turn off your AC to make it my skin tag flap. No, he was kidding about the AC. He was kidding about the AC. Turn the AC on. We're doing work stuff. We're doing work stuff.

We're doing work stuff. We're doing work stuff. We're doing work stuff. We're doing work stuff. We're doing work stuff. We're doing work stuff. We're doing work stuff. We're doing work stuff. Relax, all right, scroll down a little bit. Is that a tit or is that a skin tag? That's a Factor, a nipple man mother fucker skin tags are gross my wife hates them

She hates them. Yeah, I got I got a couple under my armpit since I became big I Got a couple but my grandmother had some on my Italian side. That's what I'm worried about That it's a it's hereditary. Oh, yeah, I'm just gonna have them forever You know what I mean? I pick at so much stuff that they probably just aren't growing on me because I scratch them off when they start Yeah, you can't you can't pick them because there's blood phantom blood That's how they get bigger you can't please don't I don't anybody listen to this Please I do not condone using nail clippers. Listen if you're going to though Like you know take a lighter and burn the entrance

Yeah, it is not sterile listen, okay. Well neither was Rambo 3 when he saw He'd it up his knife and put it into the bullet wounds But he was able to defeat the Russians He helped Afghanistan the way we love doing. Yeah, he's good friends Alcada. Yeah, it was good. It literally bangs Alcada at the end of Rambo 3. Really? Yeah, you're right.

I got a lot to have. He was helping Alcada against the Russians. Was he there? That's the story of Rambo 3. I forgot all about that. He goes and helps Alcada against the stupid Russians. That's kind of the truth. That's what we did. That's kind of the truth.

That's what we did. We gave Mother weapons. I got to see that career. And then they fucking, then they started taking us out, Motherfuckers. Goddamn Russians can't fingers a job. I got a big fight with my wife this morning. I mean, you got kids.

Yeah, you got kids, right? You got one, just one, right? It's, it's, first of all, I want to thank, I have to say this, Gabby, you're the best, and your family's the shit. We went to Bon Jo over the other night. This kid fucking lost his mind. It was so cute.

But it was cool because, well, your kid, Gabby got me in Max backstage. Lou just came out, grabbed us, brought us to the VIP at Madison Square Garden, but brought us into right stage left, the little spot that was a chair, because I had to put them on my neck. I knew he was gonna wanna be my shoulders and...

Oh, skin tag. And I was, more than a skin tag around 20 minutes in, he was just kind of staring at the stage and like, this something wrong. And I was like, did you poop? He's like, yeah. Oh, my fuck. So before I'm leaving, don't go see our take these,

little underwear. I'm gonna take a fucking kid underwear to a concert. He's like, take the underwear, put them in your pocket. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna throw them on stage. How much is fucking it on right at the end? If he doesn't use them. I'd write, all right, I'm gonna throw him on stage. I'm just fucking throwing it on the right hand. If he doesn't use him. I know, right at Jovy, I'm throwing a little kid underwear with fucking fire engines on it. I'll feed you.

Oh yeah. Thanks. Then he holds him up. He smells him. Woo! He tries to joke, then he realizes that kid underwear is... He ties him around. I want to thank you.

If you were out there, I'd feel just fire engines and letters underwear Because we're Jersey and we love fire They're American and they fight the fire for us everybody with me now. I'm a cowboy These little underwear for all the first responders out there Their job and helped in 9-11 never forget This is what we're fighting for! Bring our boys home! He puts them in the back part. Tiger tails it.

First pretty thing is a little bandana. Next is a little firefighter underwear. So, so it's sitting there. I got this kid on my neck now, okay? So now I can smell kid shit. It's just that has that. What's on your neck? It's so close.

So my nose. So Gabby's fucking brilliant. She's like, let's go. Brings his backstage, father's dressing room, and it was, you know, you walk in and it's all this shit. And, you know, our dressing rooms as comics There's a couple bottles of water. Maybe a chair, right? Maybe a stale cheese plate. Oh this guy's this fucking 19 toothbrushes seven brands of toothpaste one from Japan that he liked one time

A toothbrush for his tongue one for his tooth one for the other side of this fucking mouth You know everything you could ever like he probably never even touches this shit probably goes in and just you know is done But I still at all. It's it right I'm not asked wipes the rider isn't no ass wipes So we're in there and I'm fucking it there's and he was sitting on my neck for a minute because there's I wipe it But then there's the line around the shit that kind of, it formed a foundation. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It neck rolled you.

Yeah. So now I know my neck must smell like shit. I'm hoping nobody fucking gives me a hug. No, Joe, it's a man or a father. So I might put on the shit off his arm cleaning it. He's being good. I pull out these underwear. I go, I fucking love my wife.

Cause she knows, she knows you mother, she knows he hasn't shit in a couple of days. A big one's ready to come out. These are things I don't know. Take these underwear, I have several days shit on your neck. I had several days shit on my neck. Pay big money for that in Japan.

Okay. So, so I'm wiping his ass all, I'm just rolling it up. I make this ball of, you know, the one of the two, that I take is on the way. I roll it in and then I roll paper and I hugged it. I'm like, where do I put this? She goes, she throw it in the trash.

I just could smell that kid shit. I just imagine your dad getting off stage like, fuck more of a show. That's the shit. All right. You smell kid shit. Everybody have me right back. I'm gonna take my after show, that's the shit, all right. You smell kick shit. Everybody happy right back, I'm gonna take my after show dump.

Somebody beat me to it. Just a little kid shit underwear in his trash. Oh, they paid attention to my rider. Every city I go to, they leave out a full kid shit underwear. That's the, what did they with no green M&Ms? Just making sure you're paying attention. So when we go back out, he's a different person when we go back out, too, which was great. It was fucking, we went up to the VIP states and back down, he wanted, all he wanted was

her, by the way. You kid doing, you know. You just ruined concerts for this kid well He was Look man, he had a he flipped out jovy gave him a pound He was on my shoulders and he walks by and I you know I put his I go put his hand out and jovy looked up and gave him a little I got video of it lost his fucking mind All and he but he loves Jovey, dude.

Like, I'm not kidding. So does he get to music? Before we even met Gabby, he would sit there and just listen to Jovey all the time. And he knows his songs. Yeah, he knows his music man. He loves music, man. No, I got that, but I was like, where does a little kid come across it? My daughter, the other day, she's saying the drums.

I called that steely damn the other day, and I was like, good for you. I'm like, really? I thought you never listened. Kids, I play the drums, she's playing the drums. I called that steely Dan the other day, and I was like, good for you, I'm like, really? I thought you never listened. Kids, I play the drums, and he plays the drums. Sure. And I play that dome, dome, dome, gowd, and I would play that all the time, because Jovi, like ACDC, if you're a new drummer, it's, you can play it.

You can pretty much play it. It's not like the Foo Fighters. It's upon that Tico Torres. Yeah, I love that. But I love that. I don't know. You just sit back there collecting a free chick, pretty much play it. It's not like the Foo Fighters. It's not Tico Torres. Yeah, I love that. I don't know. You sit back there collecting a free check,

you goofy idiot. You heard it here first. Children can play your music while they're shitting in their pants. That's not what I'm saying. But it's basically what I'm saying. I'm saying it's not, it's not, it's not rush, you know what I'm saying it's not it's not Chris not rush you know No, you're good. You're not playing fucking

That's where you learn he loves rock and roll and he loves rap to you and just you know, for you get carried away Certain the poem Michael Jackson This is rap as we get in my whole black music squad rap to you Helm green Temptations But oh my god, I can't say we leave the comments. It were walking out We went and then I took him to the donut pub me and him twelve at night Donut pubs like a Tuesday. This is a Thursday night Thursday night

Skip school the next day. We're out to one of the morning fucking around in Manhattan with my five-year-old I've it was the shit. Ityear-old. I've, it was the shit. It was the shit. I've never had, it's exactly what I thought being a dad would be. And I, but I know at some point it's all gonna turn to shit. Sure. Yeah.

Hey, boy. We're out of writing your neck. Is that what happens? Yeah, my daughter's gone on 14 and it's crazy, right? Yeah, my 50, it's horrible. What? Come on. It's going on 14 and it's crazy. Yeah, my 15 it's horrible Come on is there a way around it? Did you fuck up somewhere? Oh, yeah, definitely is it your fault?

It can I I don't live with Pretty much what my sense of health I'm I'm a present dad, you know, I'm like I see her like every week several times So it's generally so. Why are you really fucking backed out of that one? I see her all the time. I think I've generally once a week, maybe. I'm thinking about this week, ultimately, is one time this week, right?

It's because I'm traveling, but I see her a bunch. Me and Carla are great, my ex-wife. So she brings her into the city because of my schedule several times a week, which is cool, but still, no, I don't know. I just can't like, now it's like vaping vaping. We need possibly. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, got caught drinking this shit.

It's like all these and she is, she is a good kid, but she's just like, you know, a follower in a dope. Kind of a hitch, no later. So you kind of accepted like you, I'm not insulting you, but you kind of know your daughter has like some of your personality and you just like, all right, well, you kind of accepted like you I'm not salt new but you kind of know your daughter has like some of your personality And you just like all right well you kind of let her run her course because you know you can't stop it No, no, no, I definitely will get in her ass about it for sure. No, I fucking I hate that she's doing that stuff I try to talk to her but more than I hate that that she's doing it though is it hating that I'm trying to be in

Conversations with her. I'm like just laughing at you call your daughter a faller and a conversations with her. I'm like, I'm just laughing at you. College of daughter of fall or in a job. Yeah. Just killing me. I know one to air to you. You're better than me.

Oh my god. This isn't going to help. We have things that I mean, Mike was with me this weekend. What do you want it to do? It's saying Antonio like, Jay, I got to have a revolution. I got to have a conversation with her about the jokes I'm going to tell

the veterans. That's really. Yeah, I have to have a clip that's off with her. Yeah. Cause it's funny, I've been doin' them on the road so much, then you're kinda like, oh, this is gonna be like forever. You know what I mean, Alex.

And I'm like, yeah, I go, they are a little harsh, so we'll see. I got two daughters, so I could just tell them I was talkin' about the other one. Yeah, just say my daughter. No, no, no, it wasn't you, love talkin' about it. Now, your kids are gettin' in trouble now too? Yeah, yeah, just wanted to go cut lime

where she was on Friday and you know. Now his kid's doing drugs and being a follower. Your kid's life is probably the same type situation. She's doing drugs, drinking. I don't know, I've talked to her about it. But I also take a stance, I know I can't stop her from doing it. You know what I mean? My biggest thing is just give her the information

and then at least you can make some sort of decision. Yeah, it's kind of the thing I did with her too. And by the way, she's not like doing it, like she's not out and about really by herself. She doesn't have a lot of on account of four times. She's got her eyebrows taken. Blood in, blood out. But with women, it's different. Same thing. Blood in, but it's a jump to bitch in. You got a munch box. You're way out. You got to get the bitch in. You got a munch box away. I'm munch. You got to get your ass checked. Yeah, yeah, you have to go two knuckles in here, but hoes. You got to get in the chosen one.

See again, that's why I admire so many of my friends who died and their kids are just growing up fatherless. Isn't that great? You don't have to worry about that. They look like they've got people. Good people. You become an observer. He's just a picture on the mano. Hey, he was a good guy.

Oh, God. I want that. But I, I want that so bad. My daughter says that her time's very accounted for. So the stuff she's doing her thing is like it's at school or right after school, you know, or like just with friends and that capacity or if they come over. What is 15?

What grade is that? Freshman and high school. No, no, she's in 10th. She's in 10th grade now. Oh, it's sophomore. So she's a I love that I'm literally asking the parent to the child and she went very close to that Yeah, surely this freshman in high school. Anyway, no, what's your 10th? Did you went? But did even say she was wrong she went sophomore

I stand corrected. So she's not, and my daughter's not necessarily a bad kid. What I'm most angry about her is I gave her it when I spoke to her and we were trying to get to the bottom of what this vape stuff they found with her friend and all this shit that he said, she said shit's going on. I did call her with like the, hey, listen, like we could figure this out, but you got to like, don't make me like an asshole when we speak to these other girls parents and stuff because if I get to an asshole, I'm gonna be more angry. We just tell me what's goin' on, we'll figure it out.

And we'll go, and uh, no, she helped stuck to her guts. And then I caught still and you're like, asshole. Dude, I fucking give you every opportunity to be cool about it. Like, it's been furious. I just had to, I just had to, I just had to, I was being cool that. I just had to tell my mother. Yeah, I tried the same thing and I just had to tell her,

look, if this is how you're gonna play it, cool. I appreciate you keeping your integrity, but keep that same energy when the consequences come around. Like, that was the best way I could threaten her. I was like, hey, I respect your integrity for holding your ground, but it's gonna be consequent. I respect your integrity. You know, you don't rat on the gang.

Exactly, exactly. You keep that. Yeah, that's a real family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a real pride thing. I'm like, all right family. Yeah, yeah. That's a real pride. Yeah, wait a minute. All right. I mean, you better fucking roll over with punch.

It's cool. It's too expensive for you to be doing drugs in the bathroom. Oh, is she in private school? Yeah, yeah. Where? Man has it long on. Oh, really? Yeah.

Long on, it's kind of a, I just was out there yesterday. I mean, I love, it's a weird place. Like, there's no, it seems to me like it's just roads. No sidewalks. It's like a highway and a neighborhood and then there's another highway on the other side of that. Oh yeah, no, for sure. You know, it's weird. It's a weird place. Well, I find, when I moved from Philly to South Jersey when I was 17, I found the suburbs while feeling safer, like to walk around and do whatever and like the more sense of like neighborhood. That's where all the drugs, big drugs. Yeah. Like when I was in Philly, some people in school smoke pot, it wasn't even very

like advertised. There was some kids with drinking or they get the woods and drink beers and stuff. You don't remember anybody who had like a real drinking thing or any kind of drug problems in school as soon as I went to that South Jersey school. Yeah, South Jersey. It's like a beautiful like a school. I think I'm a school like a football field. No, that shit I didn't have those things growing and then I went there that one senior year like four kids died from heroin. There's made my My brother my brother in high school my brother ended up doing heroin like for a couple years like it's like My brother ended up doing heroin like for a couple years like it's like how did you I mean Your dad is a fucking rock star, right? You're around this stuff all the time. How did you not? How did you get a how did you is it your personality? Is it your parents? We

We had like a rule Complete honesty. So I got grounded for my entire freshman year for drinking, but then after that I just had to tell him literally every single thing I did. But he had done all the drugs in the book and told us everything. So we never felt like we had to fucking party our balls off. See that's what we party with our parents. Like I would drink the most with my parents. Really? Yeah, because they were just infinitely cooler than me. It is fun that I try to be like as open-with-er to kind of have that, but I think that was the thing with me. I never felt like my mom, I never really tested it because I just didn't do much stuff like that when I was young, but I never felt, I think it's because I never felt like if

I called my mom and I was like, I feel like at like 15 even, I could have been like, my mom, I tried pots and I was like, we, and I think she would have been like, why did you, you know, I think we just like, she would talk to me about it. Yeah, yeah, I think I'm worried about it because I met your parents, they're cool as shit. Yeah. But you know, they can definitely pound them too. Yeah, they're fucking nuts. I had to be thinking, I think I'm still a touring rock star.

Literally, in high school, there would be parties at my house to like four in the morning. And I'd be like, yeah, I'd wake up in two hours. And the kitchen trying to do your homework. For a humble education. And he was like, it's my life, Gabby. And he's like, what? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What a bed. Boom, boom.

Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Get. Lay down something simple. That's what I'd be.

Bam, bam, boom, boom, boom. Get. Yeah, boom, boom, boom. T-Cope, you do that thing you always do in all of our songs. I'm not doing that. Lay down something simple. That's what I'd be. Bam, bam, boom, boom, bam. Yeah, boom, boom, bam. Tico, if you do that thing, you're always doing all of our songs. Got it, boss. Tico, wait up. We're yet behind the home depot.

Get back in the studio. Boom, bam, boom, bam, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, bam. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Uh. Ha, ha, ha. I ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha for 30 years. I don't use drugs. I had a problem. Doesn't you wear your son's age? I did too long to know I should have my dad's neck. That was my rock bottom. But I don't do anything. So, you know, like your parents'

drink, you smoke, you know, there's a thing where they know what you do I try to believe she doesn't but yeah, and I So just too, you know, I do the thing with daily when you bonfire with Dan like Dan calls us pot heads Gosley I'm always going Yeah, I mean look they must know I'm just bringing them around your comic friends. That's what it is too. When she's been like backstage, it's stuff I've done. I mean, you do a podcast called Legion of Skanks. True.

I took it to a Saturday night live a couple weeks back. And I'm walking. Also, she's 5'11". You know what I mean? So, she doesn't look like she's 15. Yeah, yeah. And we're walking in the hallway. She's tall now.

I go, I go, I go, this is Pete Davidson and Pete goes, hey, Jay, you want a girl's smoke pot? My girl's like, oh, my girl. Pete is in my daughter's building. He goes, oh, goes, your father never smokes pot out of her. Yeah, thanks Pete. I'm, I'm not a lot of you. I appreciate that because what it did for me was it showed my daughter I'm a human being.

Yeah. And like, she opened up way different. When I started bringing her around, like in a summer, I'll bring her around the clubs with me to do spots. She'll hang out with me and all my friends until the way I was in the morning. And our dynamic changed. Like it was like she definitely opened up a lot more because she could see like, oh, my dad's a human.

He's got friends. He's a little fucking person. Yeah, I think she definitely likes the world of that stuff when she does come around. But there is, yeah, I don't know what she knows for sure or not. I'm a little nervous because I know that, like I'm in the backyard and I build stuff all the time. I use tools, I teach myself, I do stuff. We just built him a zip line platform,

all those crout of wood that I had scraps and he helped build it. And he sees me do that stuff all the time and he's like, let me do it. So am I gonna cool and he likes build it. And he sees me do that stuff all the time. And he's like, let me do it with you. So I'm like, cool. And he likes that stuff. But now I think I'm going to start, I want to start fake reading books in a chair.

Just sit, I just want to sit there. Dad, it's upside down. Yeah. You know what I mean? So maybe that hill, I want to read books too. Even though he can't read, I just want to imprint that on him. Just, just, just, hadn't. I hope you get lost in this character.

Just cause of keeps thinking, call me A-hab. Call me A-hab. Call me A-hab. I was just on the shit. Like he looks over at me. He sees me reading a book and then an hour later I'm just making bread. You know, like Tom Papa. He want to become a mish. Max, now we will be making bread. You know, like Tom Papa. You want to become a hawish?

Max, now we will be making butter. And then I'm just doing calligraphy. I'm just gonna turn it to a housewife. I'm gonna turn it into a founding father. I just think I worry that, you know, look, I hope that him not be having drugs or booze in the house. We never do it. My wife smokes a cigarette twice a day, maybe.

I smoke cigars, but I never smoke in front of him. He's never seen me light one to put one in my mouth. So, he knows I have a humoral, like a store in my office. So, I'm just worried. I'm hoping that he doesn't, one day just loses mind with drugs and alcohol because he's never been a trouble. You know what, I'll be honest,

I don't think there's any formula for it at all because what happened with me, it also depends on how they view you. I think I didn't smoke pot till I was an adult, well into being an adult actually. Late 20s, I'd almost say is when I started smoking with any kind of regularity even. But I smoked a little bit in my early mid 20s, I'd almost say is when I started smoking with any kind of regularity. But I smoked a little bit in my early mid 20s, but very like weekends if everybody

else was and stuff. But the reason I think I did and was very young, I'd catch my dad's smoking pot a lot, but my dad being like not a good dad at all, not like abusive, just like a deadbeat dad. I think in doing that, he'd pick me up for like, you know, the weekend once in a while and he'd be driving and smoking pot like in the car. And like six, seven years old, give me the speech, you know, it's like, I'd rather you do this

when you get older because you know, this is from the earth and all that bullshit. And then he was like, you know, not show up for several weeks and you're like, I kind of just correlated those two things. Maybe like, you know, you should have bombed if you fucking do that shit. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

you're gonna, this is a question. This is something that's gonna be weird because I'm not gonna do it with my kid, but you guys can't, you're gonna smoke weed or drink with your kid. And I wanna ask you something, has your dad ever smoked weed with you or drank with you?

He drank with you. Sincere, yeah. He smoked weed with you? Yeah, my whole life. Wow, when? What was the age? I don't know if I could say my whole life. Wow. When? What was the age? I don't know if I could say that on there. What?

Why? It was early. It was early. That juice limitation is over. Four years ago. See, we party the lot. You don't have a chance. I don't want you to say anything that you don't want to say.

I'm not that guy. So think of what you're saying before you say it. Exactly. But we party the lot. Like in high school, we were 14. When we were 14. Yeah, I started smoking wait when I was 13 Wow, but by the time I got to college I was like it was all old hat I barely fucking party it anymore like I got it out of my system with my parents and with my friends and you know

The crazy show we experience it's you but it's you. It's not it so how I it probably has to do with the Personality of the human being I was not the environment that they're in. I was off throughout all of my 20s and I kind of picked it up last year. Like we, yeah. So all throughout my 20s have really, really bad anxiety. I met a woman last year who let me know, like no, you have post-traumatic stress disorder from the way you grew up and it's like it's bringing on your anxiety. Do you?

And she put me to a new, I say something to you. I just found out that I had that. Yeah, yeah, I don't want to believe it either. A lot of people have it. Like I don't, my black get on this one allowed me to accept my gluten allergy. None of it is just like, you feel like a pussy. It's been an idiot and shit. I just realized that my barber is my fucking therapist. Like, you know how they say black people don't go to therapy?

No, the barber. That's one of the so many fucking barber shops in the hood and everybody goes, every fucking week. Oh, and the Zafros. Yeah. That's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my,

that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my,

that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dr. Steve, who wants to know his own dead white women? That motherfucker don't know shit. Talk to my fucking name, Dr. Steve. Yo, get that number one blame, snip off this tag on my neck. Give me a one, fade me a one and do it too, and then if you just go zero on the skin, I'll call that off. But this is a funny thing that I've never understood

until recently with my therapist, I have post-traumatic stress. You hear that and you like Vietnam vet. I rack vet, you know war guy, but growing up with abuse, mental and physical, I've had it my whole life. So now it's almost like when you hear that, when you hear that you have something,

something's wrong with you, it's not your fault. The anxiety, my anxiety, turns into fuck you. When I'm anxious, I got a lot of shit and people are fucking with me. I'm like a trapped rat. I'm like, I will fucking, I'll kill everybody. I will fucking murder. Cause that's what happened to me.

When I was a kid, this guy would come at me or kids at school, and all these people attacking me mentally where I thought I was going to die. Cause, and I had nobody to go, I got you. I had nobody to grab me and go, I got you. You're okay, I love you. Nobody's gonna hurt you. I just, it was so bad that I thought I was going to die to the point where I just went, fuck you, you're okay, I love you. Nobody's gonna hurt you. I just, it was so bad that I thought I was going to die

to the point where I just went fuck you and attacked and it worked. But it happens for all of us. That's like when you're a kid, at least where I grew up, you can't come home after like losing a fight, crying, you have to go back outside. So like that, no one's here to cattle you anymore. That goes away at like eight, nine.

And then you get to like 16 and you're like burying your friends. You know what I mean? Like by 18, I had friends that died like violent like at the hands of other grown men over street shit. And it was like, holy shit. Now when I think about it, I'm like, how the fuck did I mentally block all of that shit out? You know what I mean?

To just move away. To just move away. He really trupped my shit. I got called stupid mean? The North East to just move really soft West. He really trumped my shit. I got called stupid in the faggot and I was fucking right. But I got a friend that just he just came home. I mean he just did 12 years and we were in the gym together working out and we were as we were we got high and worked out and we're sitting here realizing like holy shit. Dude we were

all just waiting to die and it didn't happen and then we're like what the fuck like that's I talk about that now like I'm Holy shit, dude, we were all just waiting to die and it didn't happen and then we're like, what the fuck? Like I talk about that now, like I'm still, I'm still prepared to not be dead. I was waiting, I've been waiting to die my whole life. Right, and now every time it's weird because I say that when I got out of rehab, I was like,

I got out of rehab, year and a half sober, out of rehab, go back to my mom's house. I was sitting there waiting to die. I knew that I was going to die because I can't, what happens after this? When I got married, I was waiting to die. When I had the kid and I moved up, I was waiting to die because it's always been bad.

It's always been fucked up. Bad shit has always happened. So when this good stuff happens, oh, it's going to end tragically. Right. Right. And I'm always, and then the anxiety comes into this shit fucking business. And you're supposed to deal with your success, your failures, the constant rejection, 90% rejection, and then you look at other people's success and none of it makes sense, and you have to have confidence,

you have to be the shit, but you don't wanna be a dickhead. There's so much psychological shit that goes into living in this world, right? Now, had social media on that, I was fucking losing my mind. Well, if I think you have that, I have that a lot whenever I get good news or something, I mean, as trivial as the Eagles won the Super Bowl this year, like when it's over, you're like, was that God's last little gift to me? Because I'm a little... He's like, well, you got to see it before.'s over, you're like, was that God's last little gift to me? Because I'm like, he's like, well, you got to see it before.

I'm telling you, like, when the Patriots lost, I felt good. Right. I was like, good, because I don't need to live with this. Yeah. I, they lost. I knew they were gonna lose.

Fuck you. I didn't deserve it. We know. You know what's funny? I'm right. I actually was okay with it. Like, Billy Wins, you find a lump in your butt hole in the face. Yeah. Jesus. But actually was okay with it. Like Philly Wins, you find a lump in your butthole.

Jesus. But it is interesting. Philly lumped. I have a question. Do you have a girlfriend? Yeah. And you're married, Bobby. When you have stress from things and you said that, that benefit, like I haven't not been fighting with Christine

since I've found out, like I'm doing like the Netflix. When I, I mean, we've been fighting straight through. Because of your, this is why. It's, I'm telling you, man, and I've, I've relieved some of it in the last couple months, but I was, there was so much stress in my life with this podcast, the transition of old people to new people, how that happened,

which I couldn't control. I couldn't control the lies or the truths. I couldn't, I'm sitting there going, I know things. I know what, and people, and it's like, fuck. And then new people, where it's like, who are you? And then my life at home, and then the show got canceled. So I'm sitting there going to Upfronts for two years. And all of a sudden, other people like him going Upfronts,

are you going? And I'm like, you know, and I got to go back to auditioning and going, and now I'm on the road. And it's like, you know, you sell great and you sell bad. And then there's people that I just every week, they have to put sold out. Hey, if it's sold out, you don't need to promote it. How's that sound?

That's there, that's the top with you. Stop putting sold out fuck face. That's right, that's fine. Yeah, I'm fucking, everything sold out. Hey, if it's sold out, you don't need to promote it. How's that sound? That's there's not putting sold out fuck face. That's right. Five. Yeah. Fuck everything sold out. I wanted to let you know. See you. Yeah. What? Fuck off. You know what I mean? And you get that. And yes. So even to this morning, dude, it's better. But my, my wife this morning, we had a talk with my kid last night, because okay. he wanted a zip line so I we got him a zip line for the birthday I put it in before I said

this is one of your presents I'm putting in because it's gonna take you know whatever some time to put in so now it's in he's got a cray a fucking zip line a pirate ship I built them you know he's got a he's got everything you you been in the backyard right yeah so now Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now, my wife goes, she goes, I'm going to Toys of Rust, because it's going out of business. She buys fucking like 10 things. I mean, big things. And then he comes home and she gives them all to him.

Yeah. It was a fuck up. She lost her mind. I've done it. I've done it. It's mom shit though, generally though. I said, not usually with her though. She's fucking right on point.

So are you about to say like your ego kind of got a little hurt No, no, not at all, but I said to her last time I go listen It's we fucked up in the last week. It's his birthday coming up. I don't we don't want a spoiled kid We don't want a piece of shit, right and that's why I thought I was good And we fucked up you we gave him too much. We fucked up. Now it's time to, he has to earn shit. Like we have this thing where it's like, dude, this, that iPad you have will be taken the fuck away. If you don't do good in school, if you don't listen, shit gets taken away.

And you get to earn a zip line. You earn a karaoke machine. You earn, like, okay, you want a karaoke machine two weeks, good at school, bang. And then you get it. And it works with him because my kids very, he's very intelligent and he's very creative. And he does, you know, he, he goes off. He doesn't want to let the teachers kind of slow for him sometimes. But that's good for you. No, my kid does something and it's just like, hey, but I don't have any money. Well, here's the thing, I don't,

look, I'm not rich at all either, but you know, these things that we get him, so I told the last night I go, we need to put it in check. We need to start saying, you know, tonight he has this thing, he's got to listen and pay attention or he's going to lose things.

And she's like, great. So this morning, I'm trying to bring that conversation up with him, you know, because he's kind of being a little twat but putting him to get dressed. And I'm like, Max, all these things that you got are because you were good and you listen to mommy and daddy and you listen to your teachers and your coaches.

These get taken away if you don't listen, if you don't behave yourself. And I'm trying to bring it up and she's cut me off. She cut me off like in the middle of my little pep talk. And that bugs me because my pep talks You know they come out of me. I give a pep talk Consciousness, yeah, right? Yeah, right? He's heckling parents. Here's a game of inches Fight

That's the difference I can't do it for you baby. I'm too old I don't know if we live in a diet. I can't do it for you, baby, I'm too old. Like, so she's, I let her cut me off once, right? And then I get into a couple minutes later, we get to another little thing and I'm in this flow of cat, this nice little talk.

And he's listening, she cuts, she goes max and she goes off on a tangent on her own thing. And I'm like, I'm fucking like you fucking. And she leaves and goes, what are you? It's two times you fucking cut me off. She goes, oh, really gonna talk to me? And I'm talking to her like she's you. I've been in a lot of fights that Chris need about cutting me off. And I just say this I go, and this this and that. And then she'll start talking. I go, no, yeah, you fucking go. Back to go then. What's so important? And then she's like, I go, oh, yeah, you fucking go back. Oh, then what's so important?

And then she's like, well, no, I don't want to say it. Let me just go back and forth. It's a nightmare. And he say like shut up and I'm just gonna shut up. I'm just like, I'm gonna talk to you again. That's not what I fucking man. I mean, realize what you did wrong. I'm gonna say sorry. I never realized you always have to find another way.

Why are you yelling? All right, all right. How would you recommend I get your attention? You know what I mean? Like whatever. Because this is what you're worried about too. It feels good to your anxiety is pumbling. It's coming down on you all times. I don't get weed.

I don't get to use anything, which kills me. If I could take a pill or some weed to release my fucking anxiety. You could take a pill or some weed to release my fucking anxiety. You could exercise. Maybe a wall in the jail. I'm gonna throw up, hang on. I really hit me right in the fucking kidney.

You could hold my fat guy. I've never been hit with the truth. You could home surgery, you could home surgery your skin tag. That's the cutting of the 40s. I'm just cutting yourself for paying your cutting off your skin tag. I feel the release. See only where I can feel. So if I cut off skin tag, he's not freaking out. I'm out of skin tags. I'm just rubbing my tin against my belly.

He's making skin tag. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fuck up your stream of course. Nah dude, you fucking absolutely, you really hit me with that. You know, my wife never been speechless on the show ever. You know what, he literally said it with the contom too. He literally went, you could work out. It was also concerned. It was genuine.

It was genuine. When I had anxiety where I was going to the hospital for a month saying I was having a heart attack and they were like, you're fine, you're fine. They were like, it was crippling. It was the bomb of bitch. It was crippling anxiety. It was really, it was terrifying. I was very scared.

And Justin Silver was like, you know, exercise really helps. And then the doctor was like, you know, exercise helps. And I go, there's got to be a pill for this. That's what I did on Lexiprofoil. You know exercise helps and I go there's got to be a pill for this That's what I did I went on lexapro for a while, but I will say what the inside I didn't go to the gym. No, I know I did actually that's what started doing cross-fit It was awful. I think I've permanent backdab which for Not you're not supposed to speed weight lift

The jump six feet in the air onto a box, you fucking jubbing box. Jubble tires. Jubble tires, really, it's like the fucking Jumbo for boxes. Why? It's only an hour, man. That's the elephant. It's only an hour, man.

Lift this rock. I'll be exercise is another form of killing yourself. Anyway, it is certainly. I just had a doctor tell me not. He said, you don't do CrossFit or any of that stuff. I go, no, he goes, don't. Yeah, yeah. He goes, just walk on the treadmill and lift weights. But lift weights regular, don't, that's what he told me to do.

No, he's absolutely right. It's bad for you. CrossFit is, I don't sleep through a night any night ever because of backpack You have anxiety and what is it my vision? It's still be here, man Eggs back anxiety comes out in depression and rage So it comes out and if you can and it's from post-traumatic stress, stress from things that's happening in your life, and the way you learned how to deal with it, and if you can just, when it's happening, if you can understand, like this morning, when my

wife did that, and she went, don't, you talk to me like you're going to fight me. And I went, I went, I'm sorry, is immediately a realized, I immediately realized it's stress, anxiety. I was like, as long as you can, as long as you can make it aware that it's fucking what it is, it's almost like, okay, I can now, I can, because I don't wanna be a pussy to my wife. I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be like, my feelings, I told you, I used to have that joke

of my act and my therapist was like, I want you to go up to my next time your wife, get you mad, all of it is his hurt feelings. He goes, just say you hurt my feelings. I'm like, what? He's like, next time you get mad at your wife, just say you hurt my feelings. So I literally, I had the joke of my act was,

she said something, I was like, that hurt. She's like, what? I'm like, that hurt my feelings. You hurt my feelings when you do that. She's like, I'm sorry, I wouldn't never hurt you. I'm like, it hurts because it reminded me when I was a kid. And when my father, my stepfather used to hurt my face. She's like, all right, I faggot, I can get it.

Yeah, yeah. I won't do it anymore. Once they're all the way in, they got you. I'm worried about that. I've told Christine, which she says that to me, and she goes, you're actually gonna fight me. I'm like, if society were accepted, I would. But, you know, Donna tried to fight me once.

Yeah, because I had that chicken know Donna tried to fight me once Yeah, cuz I had that I just the chicken out of face by accident once Uh, and I hit her in the cheek and she literally balled her both her fists up and she went kid you fucking cock suck I don't have anything and she came at me. I don't hold her down with all my weight She's like kid she kept going kid get off me kid. I switch I'm like stop calling me kid Is I think it might be sort of hurtful the one we anger is the one yeah the one way we were the one we were in today is definitely rooted off that it was I said I'm nervous about doing the half hour thing. And then I saw commercial, we were watching the Saturday Live. And one there you're seeing, of course, like, you know,

Schumer at the height of her success. And then there was a commercial for Ali Wong. It's another Netflix special now, which was pregnant again, the special. I thought that was the same one. It's another one. Now, and the commercial is essentially her, like just like, like, jumping a microphone stand pregnant.

And I was like, man, Allie, I'm like, I'm good for her, man. I go another fucking Netflix, but a two Netflix special, holy shit, man. Like, they're in a four hours twice. That's what that's like. Oh, I don't know.

I don't get, I don't even say anything. I wasn't really even a silly attacking her. I think I was not even a one. You're not attacking her, but you still don't understand why you. Christine goes, she goes, I always thought she was funny when I see her around New York.

And I go, well, you have the taste of every idiot in the world, I guess, and I'm a comedian. So I judge things a little bit differently than you judge in Christine. And she's like, wow, why are you judging my taste in common? I go, no, I'm saying you, listen, you clearly have the taste of the world, you know, but the world is full of idiots like you.

But she verbalizes to you like, well, you're hurting my feelings. I'm like, well, you're hurting my feelings. I'm like well good I gotta go Some of the shit that my lady watches and finds hilarious. I'm just like why the fuck are you with me? It was a great writer It was a great writer What do you call your daughter? I do talk by the way for the record. I do talk to them like this

You feel like you're the smartest guy in the house Not the smartest guy in the house This is where I have I go I can fucking do fucking do what you do. You can't do what I do. Yes. Definitely things like that. I also, former her whole world collapses if I walk out that door. Yes.

Oh my God. I said that as well. I used to feel that way. I can't post your medics this. I can't do it anymore. Well, I used to be able to say that when I was in my 30s, when I was in shape, I could go, I could say that.

Now her life would probably get better. She'd be a plumber. She'd be a plumber. Yeah. Somebody in the union with a bigger house, a better school district from Max. Somebody's not heading into night terrors. Oh.

Yeah. Somebody doesn't just swore all around all the night. It's his back hurts. He's gonna flip big things back hurts, and then yelling at your comedic taste. Oh, my back hurts, your taste suck. How many times I say, and I fucking walk in the house, and what's in the back, the Kardashians are always supposed to.

It's just background noise. Well, I do my computer work. I go, no, you love it. You're in the problem with this country. That's why my shows get passed on. And these fucking hair boxes are fucking running around. These human fucking fat ass furbies are awesome. It is amazing though.

Who gets that people have gotten special after special after special, right? Yeah. The same, it seems like the same like whoever that whoever's giving those out that that's the people they like You know he wags very funny, but Ali is like she was one of the first people that Netflix like broke her career I mean it's in her that was next level. Do you want to know if Netflix could break anybody's career? Any

No, no, no, it doesn't can I say thing? If you put the money in advertising that Netflix does for their specials and the billboards and the blah blah blah, if you took say you took me Robbie Pras said, Robert Kelly the next one. And they put everything Netflix like they do with their specials because their specials they don't really buy other specials anymore. And if they do, they're kind of buried It just doesn't even recently added whatever it is yet. It's not it's not fuck you watch this Yeah, if you did that right don't you think that they could break and like I would just fucking it would go from theaters

Maybe it would definitely get you to theaters for sure But the difference between like breaking like on a huge level. Yeah. Or not, I think is a, you also have to find niche. So it worked really good for Tom. Uh, uh, uh, you have to do it. Yeah. It broke. It really helped break Tom Segura too. Netflix.

Segura, but Tom Segura is also networked in with the right people who are helping. But so that pumps his numbers up to alley Wong at a left field because now she's hitting like one you're getting all women Yeah, all Asian people that give a shit about comedy. Yeah, it's the same Russell Pagnan, but is it is it there's so much there like it's they really pop or did they just pop in our eyes because we pay attention to Absolutely, like when you talk to civilians, they don't know all of these people that we know and pay attention to that It depends who it is My buddy scouts tickets and he called me to be like, Hey, this guy Russell Peters, is he any good?

Well, he sell tickets? Like he had no idea who these people are. Well, you never know. I met a Russian girl at the airport the other day was saying, she's like, what were you coming from when I came back from San Antonio? She's like, what are you doing in San Antonio? She's like, do you live here? I said, yeah, she goes, I was doing a, a community.

I was doing a comedy. So she goes, do you know Trevor Noah? Like that's the first thing she wants to, you know, I mean, that's like, do you live here? I said, yeah, she goes, I was doing a, I'm a comedian, I was doing a comedy. So she goes, do you know Trevor Noah? Like that's the first thing she wants to, you know, I mean, that's, that's her person where I'm like, if you're a stressed, I'd be like Trevor Noah is the first thing people would do. That's her world. Right?

That's, that's who she knows. Right. It is weird because, yeah, I mean, look, when I was at my doctor's, get my stress test, he was in Indian dude, and he's like, what are you doing? I'm like a stand up comic. He's like, oh, it sucks because they, you want him to'm like a stand-up comic. He's like oh it sucks because they You want him to go oh yeah, I saw you special, but it's always do you know somebody

Snap on my fucking wife I'm fucking funny that all these truck suckers are you give me a fucking special you're two hours in the can right now And that was in Connecticut and a fucking hotel basement murdering That's why I get stressed Shit get pulled punch the face and I'm 47 and I'm fucking feel No, give it to give it to you know, so let's make sure minorities and everybody has this So much she's like I'm gonna say Sorry, sorry, sorry, I convinced myself that that shit isn't real like I've convinced myself like oh We're we're thinking it's gonna be theaters every night. It's never that. It's always gonna be Connecticut hotel We're we're thinking it's gonna be theaters every night. It's never that it's always gonna be Connecticut, however, like I'm working this next two years. I'm out who's doing theaters every night?

I'm even the guys you see on TV doing theaters. They're still showing up at Red rooms in Little Italy for station I'm out. I want to do theater. I want to do a comedy club Friday Saturday only Mom was there You know what I got I got for there. I got that. You know what? I got for the Sundays. I got rid of Sundays. I'm Thursday still. I got, but I got rid of Thursdays this year in certain clubs.

I got rid of Thursdays and Sundays. Friday and Saturday show up day off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no price. Oh God, but imagine this, Jay. Imagine this. Imagine showing up. Thursday, Friday for a show. Go three hours somewhere else for another show on Saturday, one. And then Sunday, do another show.

Fly home Monday morning, three shows. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, theaters. And then you're home. Just do a tour, six months, and then have six months. We're like a check for like six months off five figures Right go and then go to clubs local and just write a new hour, but you know what happens when your life was like that Let's let's say you go you smile. Three you Showed on the right do you show through the weekend? You don't want a 50 grand and you come home Monday morning, but and your basements flooded

No, but you're talking about it. What does that mean about what that does to think but that's even more like that What does that mean? I don't know some of that means but those numbers are off though I mean like those numbers are actually like if you're doing theaters like that like you're going like in a bus to another city You're coming home. You're doing probably More than 50 grand the night. Yeah, you do it. Listen to me. Paying for like 19 people Why that now? I'm bringing it back. But no, but I bring it to people with me Friends that is just coming home with me You show cost with your show call. Yeah, both of them are gonna be less funny than me. I'm gonna worry about fucking

But that's true. Yeah, you know, there is much minimal expenses. Like music touring is far more expensive. Comic is nothing. You show up at the venue. You gotta be over at a certain time. You gotta mic you do a sound check. I mean, you're running out. When I went on tour with those bands, even like you hear it, like they're supposed to bring their own microphones. I didn't even know that shit. Yeah, everything. You're mic, because they asked me to go, do you have your microphone for when you go to your comedy set? I microphones. I didn't even know that shit. I'm like, yeah, everything. You're mic, cause they asked me to go, do you have your microphone for when you go to your comedy set? I go, I don't even know what that, like my stoop dog, you want to pull like a, like a gold,

like shit in the hole. Yeah. But, and see, you're also from doing so many shitty venues. You can accappellate this motherfucker if you need to. Like, you know, you should have no spotlight. You should get a microphone with a mitten already attached to it that you started to hear that. Yeah. Yeah. That would be a microphone with a mitt and already attached to it, then you start to get a hand in. Yeah.

That would be a good opening for a special. You just see the hand slide in the grab on the microphone. Yeah, just slide into a gold mitt. You see Dice's hand slide on the other side. The finger of the foot. The finger of the foot. The finger of the foot. All right, well, I mean, look, it is what it is. You know, you can't control this

business, but the thing that you can't control that I've learned is learning about what you have. If you know that it's post-traumatic stress, if you know that it's your anxiety that fucks with you, when you do snap, you can literally go, oh, this is just because I'm stressed out. This is because I have nine things to do today. This is because that got passed on. This is because I didn't write. This is because I'm fucking nervous. We're like, this is all this anxiety. Fuck it.

There's nothing I can do about it. Why is this? Why is that like so currently as we speak right now? Yeah. I was a little shitty where I left this morning. Yeah. And when I go back, I feel like I'll still be a little sheep. But I'm sort of over it.

But I'm also still going to win. Just go, you know know that's a thing. I still want to I still want to owe this thing. Yeah but don't own it. You don't want to own it. That's some pimps shit. Yeah that will not own it. I'm not calling her it. You know you go to Christine. But the thing is if you don't I mean just say you let it go right. Like the next time you fight or the next time treat the set about something else it's gonna come up because you never resolved it. That's a major problem in our thing is that it's eventually I go on the road by Friday, you know, I, I, I mean, I never like don't let her know where I'm at or, you know, nothing like, I mean, like, not where I'm at. I mean, it's just not my movements,

but I mean, like, I always let her know, like, yeah, I'm going back to the hotel, you know, I'm in the hotel for the right, don't worry about it. I still always do that. So by the second day of doing that, you end up having to have a pleasant conversation and you kind of let it go. And then I come home Sunday and you're like, you know, we end up getting like,

you know, we said we have a decent, and then it's just always ready to, like, it's just, it's just waiting the brew. It's like, you have to say to her, like I've said to my wife, my anxiety is what gets me. So please know, some of this stuff is not you, it's not personal. And I know, and I said to her today, she goes, we, we always do this. I go way more, always going to do this. Some variation of our fight is going to be forever. We're just trying to acknowledge your

own shit a little more so that it's not this epic thing This is the thing too my kid walks out and he goes guys guys you need to stop talking to each other like this Matt yeah, and I went and she went okay, Max. Thank you, and I was like, thank you buddy Mm-hmm, and it's She don't your necklace Not taking it back. Yeah, guys, we need to come together. We're a family. He's right, you know.

Who's shit neck? What the f**k is this? What the f**k is this? It just splines into the kitchen, guys. Guys. It's a f**k. It's a f**k. It's a f**k.

It's a f**k. It's a f**k. It's a f**k. It's a f**k. It's a f**k. It's a f**k. It's a f**k. It's a f**k. It's a f**k. Grabsy karaoke, Mike. Guys, with me, everybody, come on. Don't stop, believe and hold onto that feeling and street lights and people. You're runs over. Ticotour is a mouth.

He throws a stick to you. I'm a... I need new underwear. Who's going to clean this crap factory? Yeah, but I mean, it sounds like if you're opening it up, you'll get passing. I need new underwear. I'm gonna clean this crap factory. Yeah, but I mean, it sounds like if you're opening it up, you'll get past it. You have to open up as a kid.

Yeah, and I was not open for years. When opened me up, I had, like, I basically hit a bottom, solo in the business and solo in life, and she stuck with me behind it, and I was just like, oh, like it just made me go like, okay, I can trust this person. I think that's what it was. I couldn't trust anybody for a long time. Here's a problem.

One pep talk from a girlfriend or some new person in your wife's life. On the other end, we like you can't let him, you can't let him talk to you like that anymore. You can't, and you'll notice that when that, when you're white, when you break your wife, if you break her, you're fucked. If you push too far, and one day she goes, you know what? Fuck you. I don't like you talk. I don't like the way you, and you, you're like, that shit won't work. I realize that you can fuck. I don't want to talk to people like that. I just wanna have fun. I wanna have a smile more than I want to frown.

That's my goal in life. I don't wanna be fucking like that. I don't wanna hate people. I'd rather laugh and have fun. But there's a point with my wife where I was like, I'm gonna break this check. If I go any further with my bullshit, I'm gonna break her and after I break,

she might be here, but she's gonna be broken. But even if she is You still got that like you know to me you weren't supposed to have so even if she's better than you I had you I did the full heat up a head Baby She walks away I don't want to have to do no I don't have to fill out forms when I'm 70. I'm very worried about

That's all you want to have for right? I just want to be in the doctor's oven. Oh, well, huh? Come on. I want I want to go to go here take that yeah, I worry about that getting that poker scene So we fight enough to this just like Jesus you know breaker dude, right? You don't want to a breaker some people like you got to break them like a stallion you don't I also speak very Volatile but I think it makes sense like she when she points in that it makes me even more angry She goes look I get you at this point. I get you so I know these horrible things you're saying to me Or just because you want me to feel as bad as you feel right now she got to get it and it is absolutely true It's like you should right then you know, why can't you just go right then and go you're right be right I fucked up I'm gonna go take a I'm gonna go take a go find somebody else who doesn't treat you like that

bye you better hope she doesn't meet some Did it get an hour? I'm not sure. It's gonna be for Ali Wong. Yeah. Fuck, she was funny. You bet. You bet all. You bet all. You bet all. You bet all. There's not some fucking chubby motherfucker right there. Oh, when you use up treats are nice.

When she gets Christine for me for sure. And she always points that to, it makes me bummed out. And she points out two or three times a year. She just gets me on the couch where I'm like, I don't know why I get so angry. I was probably thought you, just like that just buys me another year. I'm going to be stupid bitch. What are you doing? You know Kurt Messer, Kurt Messer, it's funny getting a third perspective.

I got so angry at her one. It's like it's just for something else, but I go, I made some joke about our friend was wearing glasses and looked like David Koresh. And I go, nice David Koresh glasses. Like Christine goes, who's David Koresh? I go, come on Christine. I'm like, you don't know. I don't make me feel like I'm dating a girl like no fucking clue who David Kromik.

And she goes, oh, is that like the Oklahoma City bombing? I'm like, no, it's fucking way. And I was, I rate about it for like 15 minutes. And I went away, I was with Kurt for the weekend, Metger and I go I'm telling him I go you know sit there And she's like whose David Correston's like holy fuck am I really dating someone who just doesn't know anything It was no David cracker. It's a Kirk goes just tell her We can go just why you just explain it to her. So no David Correston that's some that's when you're I'm just explaining to you. Why are you just explaining to me?

I'm just explaining to you. I'm just explaining to you. That's some, that's when you're high. That was one approach I could have taken. When you're high, do you ever see anything from her point of view, like from a previous argument or anything like that? But I just go into a shell and never tell her

that I'm neither. I got out of that. I'll send her a text, apologize there. I just have to, I do this. Like now, I do it all the time. Anytime I think about it and I go, oh shit, she was right, I just go ahead and let her know. I come in this time. Like now, I do it all the time. Anytime I think about it, and I go, oh shit, she was right, I just go ahead and let her know. I come in and I'll come in with my wife,

and I'll be like, look, I literally go through the whole thing, and I don't fuck with her shit. That's the one thing I learn. I'm not gonna go, but I go, look it, this is what I did. I shouldn't have said that to you. I shouldn't talk to you like that. I'm working on it I hope you can fucking be patient and I go I just when you're passive aggressive

It's this it's aggressive sure. It's the same. I'm aggressive You're passive aggressive. They're both aggressive. Okay, what you're doing is the same thing to me It I'd rather have you go shut the fuck up. Right, I feel like pastoral person. Fuck you, fat mother fucker. Shitty, yes. But that's a type of person. But I have to see, I have to understand her.

So I have to just be like, all right, look at, I get what you're doing. Why, and this is what you gotta do. It's so hard to do, man. Cause if you say to your wife, if you really say to your chicken in the middle of, if you go look, that hurt my, it works, it's fucked up, dude. But it works.

If you literally say to her, look, that hurt my feelings, what you just said right there really hurt my shit. I don't feel good about that. Why are you trying to hurt me? It fucks them up. Sure. Women don't know how to deal with that. My wife knows how to deal with, what the fuck, why would you, she knows that, when I've

done it before. She learned that though. That's because she's used to you being angry. She learned that from you being that way, didn't she? No, but she's learned that from every guy she's ever fucking been with. She'll learn how to respond to the other shit too. Yeah, absolutely. But the one thing I'm afraid of, that she will someday just be sucking some angry guy dick and be like,

hey, fucking beat it pussy. I mean, I don't wanna hurt your feelings again. Get outta here. I mean, there is that thing that I said. This is rapin', he built a zip line at a day. Yeah. And his feelings don't get hurt. He just fell on his motorcycle,

and he didn't even cry fucking pussy. But you know it's not real. That's the thing. I tell my lady all the time, go ahead and find whoever else you want because it's going to fall a shit. Also, he's going to have the same shit if not completely everywhere where I'm weak or everywhere where I'm, you know, he's going to have those

downfalls. But look at here, he's going to love you enough to hit you. And my wife said that today, those downfalls. But look at here, he's gonna love you enough to hit you. You're gonna... And my wife said that today, you've talked to me like you're gonna fight me. I went really... I felt like I'm really out fucking kill you. Is it gonna be a fight? I don't fight you.

I thought our toaster of it in Reston Peace. I thought that whole in our bedroom door will all rest in peace. You can always tell a relationship. Shout out to Bob Super Intentor fixing that whole in our bedroom door will all rest and be like, I said you can always tell a relationship Shout out to Bob super intent of fixing that whole last question You can always tell how good a relationship is by the By the dense on the fridge If you get if there's all these dense and you she backs up and they're around her head

Listening to one thing. I fucking said the same thing! Stop cutting me off with the kid! That's crazy. I, uh, anyways, what's up? Fuck you, wonderful. It's so hard to hear. There's, like, dude, we just went through this thing

at Infinity War. So we went to see Black Panther twice. The first time we saw it. Why? Cover, I can't see it. Yes, cover, cover a mandate. Here's the show. Here's the show in his person.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. We gotta go again. Just go work. Wakanda needs us. The show in his hands, King has fucking pinned us. I've got a big comic book guy. She's not either. We just went to the hype.

So at the end of the first movie, get up, walk out. And she goes, why is everyone sticking around? I go, there's going to be some more scenes at the end of the shit. But we don't know what the fuck it is. Let's go get into a fight about that. You don't get to tell me what I can see. I'm like, you're not going to fucking understand it. It's a waste of fucking time.

I'm on her side. Right. So the next time we see the movie, the credits roll, as she goes, we're staying to see these fucking scenes. All right, fine. We sit there one scene, more credits, second scene. What the fuck was that? I fucking told you you weren't gonna understand it. Let's go. I don't like both of you. Right. So I don't want to be around you ever. We go to see infinity. We go don't want to be around you ever. We going to see. And just screaming each other. We go to see

infinity wars. The credits roll. And I look at her. What do you want to do? Do you want to stick around and see some more scenes that you're not going to understand or go, can we roll? Why are you talking to her like this? Like, did you enjoy the movie? Well, it was happening. There's a row of white people from going like. Oh, it's the end of the movie. We should What people from going like That movie we should

We should it to the we should it with to the I picks and dogs ferry I know we shouldn't with the yawkers We're an hour or an hour train from Connecticut. Yeah, no one's a good movies. We need to go to Connecticut And do but why do you why do you I can't imagine watching the movie and be like all right? That's cool Do you want to see it? The fucking bother me so much I think it's you dude I think so when I ask her because when I asked her why this is why because when I asked her What does she want to do she pretended she didn't remember the black Panther incident?

I think you have tone issues that shit. Yeah fuck that Fucking Rick the fuck out of here. I'm betting my frustration to pay to you We gonna leave the likes alone big J and J temple versus our chicks And it all out slaughtering our girl hell in a cell Those betrises day we should have Sexual harassment The best to abuse The best to abuse day one day. Yeah, I told her past her.

She had her pastor call me to try and talk to me about like the fight that we were getting in. I get another good step. I'm sorry. It's alright. I just love what happens every step. He was asking me. He said, if you had it your way, what would you ask that I would hit her?

Should be able to hit. There's people don't learn unless there's consequences. And he was just like, very interesting. I don't want to hard disagree on this one. Not like, yeah, but like, you know, with a thing. No. With an object. I don't want to hit an eye.

I don't want to hit an eye. I don't want to hit an eye. I don't want to hit an eye. I don't want to hit an eye. I don't want to hit an eye with it in my hand. I just want to throw like a vase. I like a hood. And just having smash on the wall next to her.

So dramatic. Yes. Maybe like one little, like one little short scratch is a arm. Yeah. I don't know. I was like, it's like a weeping wound. Just not even like a bleeding wound.

It's just like a corporation shit. It's like yelling at my chicken and moving the air. I'm out of line. You guys are throwing a nice, a thick bitch. I don't want to hit my wife, but I do want to pay someone a couple of bucks to do it. So. I remember one time I was arguing with my wife,

we're in the city at 520, at the nice door man building, and she had a wine rack, and all these wine bottles, and these glasses from her parents, her father gave her these wine glasses. And I used to be a cabinet slamer. That was my thing. She fucking fucking fucking sad. Ting, you want to do that king? Fridge whacked. You know,

the use you want to put the door. I leave the fucking, I'm out whacked. Shut the door, you know. So we're arguing about something and she fucking really passively, aggressively just went, oh really? Fine. Some shit like that. And I went fine and I slammed the cabinet and the wine whole wine thing came off the wall way up high. Just went to kunk with all the bottles of wine, all the glasses went, I just saw it like falling off a building and just hit the f***, and then I just heard a go my father's glasses. Oh my god. I'm so

sorry. I think you just keep walking. You just kept walking straight to hit the water. I've got your father's glasses. I stopped slamming shit after that one. That is a hard lesson. First of all, I hate spills. It freaks me out. Any spill, I just, I want to run.

I just, that's one of the reasons why I got married, too, because I want my spill things. I can just, I just leave. I'm going to make, please just pick the signing, filling out forms and spills. One of the reasons I got married, because I just don't. I, I just walk away. I literally, when I live by myself, I spill something.

I'd, I'd have to leave and come back in later and clean up and then come back clean the rest of it up, like'd have to leave and come back in later and clean up and then come back, clean the rest of it up, like, piecemeal it. That's always a great story. When your anger gets to a point where you realize it's going too far and you have to do that same, like, you're like, something's exactly,

something breaks, it's important and you go, sorry. You said I'm like, I'm the same town, though. Why did it, because I didn't fucking to me to do that part? You know, the point holds true. Those people in arguments during 9-11 and like just the plane going fuck you did the plane just go to a building

Oh my god, oh my god Just later I mean if you're getting dumped on the street while it's happening goes look we've had a good run But I just think I want to see other holy shit good run, but I just think I want to see other holy shit. What do you think? They look back at the guys going, he's like, hope the other guy helps you out. You should have known who Ted Kiddinsky was.

Anyways, you know, you're mass murderer, city. We had that, you guys brought up that fucking Brendan Sagalo thing, who I worked with this weekend oh yeah yeah yeah yeah first of all nasty show I just want to promote that right real quick uh nasty the nasty I will you know I look that line up's crazy Mike Britt I mean crazy miss Pat Nikki Glazer's just murdering Brad Williams holy shit good line up to good one mean, I don't know. I never hung with any of those people.

Like when we did it, we did it last year. Mike Britz great. Mike Britz, everybody on that show, I was fucking. I was about to say Mike Britz, I didn't ask you to show it to him one year. He's awesome. Yeah, he's a killer. Good hang mellow guy. Yeah, but we did it last year, dude.

We had such a good time. Me, you are. had such a good time. Me, you, Ari. We were camping. Oh, we were camping, which I'm doing Monday, by the way. Ari. Me, Ari, and Joe, this is... I'm about to say, Max's life is fucking great. Well, we're going camp. We're going camp with him in a couple of weeks, you know, up at the KL of camping site. But me, Ari and Joe are going in the woods.

We're hiking up into the woods and making a camp, like just staying in the woods. Tents, yeah. Shit. Yeah. There may not be a show next week, but we're saying. Oh, yeah, keep us updated.

We made it a new host next week. I try hope so. I'll just stay up there. Just cut one of my fingers off and send it back with Ari. Just tell them. I'm so hard. No, no, no. You know what you were like to a max.

Yeah, send it back. Yeah, send it back. Anyways, the show's there. But anyways, that Brendan Sagalo thing, you guys talked about it on Skanks. This is the thing though. That whole, I mean, I don't know. What they talked about, I heard what they did on skanks and I'm not gonna lie to you It bugged me it felt like it felt like watching a girl get convinced that she was raped

Yeah, cuz it was like he was with it and then they just teased him about it to the point where he was like Yeah, that is a shitty thing she did to me and I'm like I was still with the end of it. I think at the end of the day listen It was like, you know, I know Amy enough to like a You know, we're friendly enough that I didn't want to pile on listen, it was like, I know Amy enough that we're friendly enough that I didn't wanna pile all, I thought it was funny to make fun of him just having to eat shit and let her go up on stage.

That's kinda what I was going at. But, you know, it got a much more harsh. I just hate that everything that we do now because of podcasts, it has to be, we have to reveal every DM, every time somebody slides us. We used to deal with it internally as comics. We would deal with it. But now it's like it has to be exposed because the more,

it's like you get that, put it on your show, more views. We get the more views, fuck him, fuck her, fuck our community. It's like you have to do it for the viewers. You have to get, you know, in the fact that he read his, that was fucked up. It's like that's a personal, that's like TMZ shit. I don't know if he meant it though to say fuck you to her. I don't know.

He didn't know what he was doing. Yeah, he didn't know what he was doing. You got him manipulated. You piece of shit in media. No way, bro. Yeah, but here's the thing, you got rattlesnakes. But what do you think, look at, you go on a fucking legion of Skanks,

what do you think they're gonna do? They're looking for the funny, they're looking for the funny, they expose themselves more than anybody. I mean, just reticulate shit. So you think that they're gonna expect any less out of you? Right, right. The only way that doesn't happen, say, hey guys, I don't want to go on. I don't want to talk about it.

And they'll go, all right, cool. And it doesn't affect me either way. I don't have, like, I just thought, I like Brandon. I just thought that idea, that concept is the same thing that everybody's doing the whole. What did you had an interaction with this famous person? Tell us about it. And then let's tell you how much of a shitty person, this famous person is.

That's definitely fair. But I don't think at the end of the day, I don't think it was quite as bad as it was made to be. And when it was all over on skanks, I said to Brendan, I was like, look, I'm bustin' your balls. I'm like, at the end of the day, I don't know what else you could have done there.

I don't know what else you would have done there. I go, you did exactly what I think I would have done and just kind of took it and like, at the end of the day, I don't know what else you could have done there. I don't know what else you would have done there. I go, you did exactly what I think I would have done and just kind of took it and like, you know, she went up and then, you know, and speaking to her, even like, you know, she's like, she had a 30 minute break to go run this monologue, like a 30 minute and she said she told Caroline she was coming and stuff. And like, if she did, if she just showed up, even if she just rolled in and said, look, blah, blah, she's trying to figure out how I need to get on stage and do this thing, right? I'm, I'm fucking, I'm doing SNL this weekend.

You want to talk about anxiety. Sure. People already attack her for anything. And now she, not anything that she comes in, they're trying to take her out. Let's just put it that way. They're trying to take Amy out. They're trying to take the people, this business, they're trying to take out Ryan C. C. Crest. They're just trying to, I feel like they once they got you in their sights, because because

another thing, page six, you print that, you get clicks, you get a bunch of shit happen. Look what happened with it. Look how many podcasts talk about it. Look how many radio shows talked about Amy Schumer and the way they twisted it. But then like, Dane had that very much. I remember almost like 12 months to the date that Rolling Stone had like a dang cook. Like America's next like rock star comic. But I then like a year later in Rolling Stone, it was like, it was like enough, Dane has the world had enough of Dane Cook or a whole new shit man it's a year. Yeah, the

year. No, no, for date the 19 year old girl and it's like dude leave him the fuck alone. He's my own business. We look at her on the on spot fire. But Dane has no skin tags. Not one. Yes, I'm now. Yeah, he's gaining some weight. I don't know if he has the original skin. See, what are we doing now? I got a lot of trash in both ways. It's fucking weird trashy. Like, taking people down.

There's almost a dip. All busting balls. I have no grip with anything. And I don't grip with Amy quite. Amy, I said this on skinks too. She's been very good to me actually in my career. Why? Where she could.

I think what she did was a weird looks the same when Curtin and Lewis had this thing. I'm like, I'm like, what Kurt did was a weird. What do you do? I just know I can rehash this story. I'm seeing them do stuff. They fought. They got an argument. Yeah, I'm a big argument. But I remember a couple years back though, Chris Rock and Amy, they walked into JFL auditions and stand up in New York like, hey, she needs to run 30, getting ready for the special. And it was just like, dude, what the fuck?

And the middle, people are auditioning for the careers. Like, you know, this is bad. But here's the thing though, I mean, that's our business. We know that. It's happened to me. I've been on stage, I literally have been on stage for a minute when somebody went wrap it up. And I walked off, what happened? What I do? Jerry's here. And Jerry's peak. I mean, so it does have a pension for that for sure. I've definitely been on stage for

three minutes and they're pointing. It's like, you know, she'll, and you're almost just like, I can't finish my 15 minutes or whatever. Give me a 10 minutes or something. It's a weird thing to go. You want me you would awkwardly go what's up everybody? I feel good It's getting nice outside. That's pretty alright. We'll see you guys later man. Thank you so much How do you guys feel about it? Do you you guys okay with bumping people when you walk in? I can't wait to bump I've never done it ever. I'm gonna bump fucking number

Look, you know who doesn't bump sir. It's it's your personality Ray Rhino doesn't bump There's certain people that don't bump. Amy bumps, Louis bumps. Um, sometimes I see like, like, Louis will go, Hey, man, do you mind if I go and sometimes he doesn't. It's all the mood. They're in where they got to go, what they got to do. And look, man, you, I mean, you earned a bump. I get, I hate when you get itemized though, when you become itemized where it's like, uh, she'll come and say, yeah, like, yeah, he's gonna go, like, he's here right now.

He goes, he's gonna go after a tell and Jeff Ross. And then he's gonna go on, like, uh, but I'm after Jeff Ross. It's like, I guess he shows where the line stuff is. I'll care about what they think about me. I'll care about it. I don't even know who that is. That guy's gone. Well, I go, so get told, yeah, yeah, tell him to hang out. I'll care about it. I don't even know who that is. That guy's gone.

I go, so get told, yeah, tell him to hang out. I'm going to do 15 minutes. Yeah. You're sitting on the stairs of the cell like this. All right, all right. James smoking outside. I leave.

He tells you to stay close to it. I learned that. I learned that pretty young. It doesn't matter. The club doesn't look at you shitting or anything. I'm like, the club sometimes, like, no, no, no, no, no, it's like, fuck you. I'm out. Thanks for the money. I learned that. I learned that pretty young. It doesn't matter. The club doesn't look at you shitty or anything. I'm like, the club sometimes like, no, no, no, no, it's like, fuck you. I'm out. Thanks for the money. I'm out. I don't care. It doesn't affect me. I get it. Well, if they do, if they go, what, what do they only do 15? They're

doing my 15. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. You gave my 15 away. Right. I got bumped this weekend at the village underground. A Z's came in, but I'm at the up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next.

I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next.

I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm gonna go up next. I'm'll go up before him, I'll go up after him, I could give a fuck, but at least they were like, the guy was like, I was like, you gave me the, if you wanna go up now, you can.

The guy after me, they were like, we'll push you away. And he got cut, what's his name? Ronnie Chang got fucking douched off the show. Totally, yeah. Which sucks, because he wanted to do his spot. I was like, give me that money, I'll fuck and go get a falafel. You know what I mean?

Exactly. He's like, I can get on stage. My sick show, dude. I'm fucking, I'll do five. Because he's as funny because he's not talking, I guess, about his shit. By the way, I mean, and for the record, I think the story against him was so ridiculous,

like his me too. Yeah. They bring in Sagalodic. But man, when I went on stage, after him, when he was like at the view, it was like the show was running late. I'm like, what an amazing show. He want to go.

It's already been a killer lineup. We shared some consensual laughs with his ease. And so I go, oh, I just never got the crowd back. He just liked him so much. I was like, I'm just kidding. They really, I mean, I had to go after him. And they really, I literally went, hey, fucks. I'm funny too. They really, I mean, I had to go up after them and they really, I literally went, hey, fucks, I'm funny too, you fucking idiots.

Wake up. They literally plotted like this. They're all on their phones, like the text thing I just saw as these big pictures and shit. And then you're dead must have stories about that change. I mean, that's changed for music the most that no one's there like living in a moment. I have started now.

I've stopped taking my phone out of concerts because I always show people like, look at this. This is when I saw a tool and so and so. And they're like, and you're hearing it on phones, speakers and words. Just enjoy it. I'll never do it again. I had to do it. I was thinking about the whole time I was there. I'm so against it, but I had to do it to document this for Max.

Yeah, that was a Max video, not a country video. I was sitting there, I didn't want to be like, I'm not even a fucking great. I had to do it, but I was very conscious of it. And I did it and then put it away so that we enjoyed what was happening. But you had to understand that it was hard. Your documentation for Max is like your mother's photo album documentation for you.

He's never gonna look at that. You stop, I gotta stop you dude. The technology's gonna tell you. You're out of your fucking mind. I just opened my scrapbook my mother made from the time I was born until probably, I don't know, a few years ago. And I was in, I was going through something.

No, no, no, no, no, I needed it for the Jack of the documentary type thing. And I, this is the, I've gone through something. No, no, no, absolutely. No, I needed a, the Jack, a documentary type thing. And I, I'm, this is the, I've gone through it my whole life. I've opened this book at certain stages and went, shit, man. And I tear up. Like, yeah,

and especially now with my kid, looking back and, oh, I was his age right here. And I remember that. So I disagree with that. Okay, so you've never been a victim of a house fire, I'm sorry. I've never been a victim of a house fire. Oh shit, all right, Lizzie, man, this show is, this is a fucking good, another go-win. We're on a goddamn streak. Yeah, fuck yeah.

No incident, and went out without incident? Yeah, well, you know, let's all go home and hit our chicks. Yeah We just get a good Glossy I don't hit women at all. I believe you No bear knuckle yeah, I mean I try to believe you have you ever been hit no Even my girl? No. That's surprising though.

There's a lot of girl fights in Jersey. Have you ever been hit? No. I'm always like, I don't care. Like what do you mean? I'm not angry person though. Yeah. I never got like, there were girls who tried to fight me and I would go, I don't care.

I'm rich. Yeah. Fuck you. I have an infinity pool that overlooks the ocean. I paid my ex-sware as to fight my girls Come on bitch. I I pay a lesbian Mexican woman Mike sure To fight to fight my fights Mike by the way killed the wrestling mask. Yeah, Mike

We were in San Antonio. He killed it all weekend, man Great. I know I had him with me when I'm out there too. He's fucking great These guys are actually going to be this Sunday with me. Are you there? Yep. This Sunday at the Fat Black Pussy can. Is it this Sunday? Yeah, 20th Sunday. The 20th. You're there? Yeah. Sure. All right. This Sunday. Yeah. Cause Aries on the show. Fun. And then Ari and me going back to the house. Joe's meat is up there. And then we go on the

Bushcraft body boys. Nice. You're going the next morning. Next morning, early as fuck, we go up every, there's funny too, because I got a tent, my tent weighs under a pound, because I got it from China, I waited two months. It's a special tent. Ari spent like, I was, mine was 69 bucks, but it's this ultimate, alter light.

Ari spent fucking $400 on a tent, but it weighs under two pounds. and then Joe bought a five pound But his tent's good too, but we all got tents We're all doing this shit. It's gonna be interesting. I want to document it Somehow, but I guess we're not with just no phones. You should fucking journal And then have you read the journal? Oh my god. That is fucking great. I'll bring it a little. Maybe little drawings, little sketches.

I'll do, you know what? Journal. Yeah. That'd be funny. That's great. I think that's great. And to talk about black guys with sneakers and jewelry, Jesus Christ. I don't get this. I don't get the sneaker thing. I don't get the tent thing. There you go. My mom never sold crack shoes are very flammable

I I really don't get the sneaker thing. I don't I have sketches on right now very comfortable. I like Sneaker, but I don't have like multiple pairs of different kinds like Jordan's I have like a pair of like low top sneakers, a pair of hot top sneakers. It's gonna have a lot of fun. You don't get creases in them, right? Eventually, yeah. Why is that bad?

Yeah, no, I'm not a sneaker head, but I mean, I like nice sneakers. Really? What is it? I care about sneakers. I pick them out like I do go through all the way. Where should I get my sneakers? All the way.

All the way, you can get them. Go along, go along. I mean, it's the same way you would care about like you're long, you know what I mean? Like how your grass is like, you're pride, you just want people to, oh, that's really it. They got it together. Same thing. And the project, you know, have your grass.

It's not a black thing, you like Sam Roberts is a big sneaker head, do you see? The Sam have grass, right? It's also a wigger thing. A what? Wigger thing. Oh, you put a W that I thought you were Lewis. I should be a fight now. Lewis. He said it 95 times. When I was doing bonfire, it was so funny to have to explain to him because you dropped

the M-bomb and my girl had no idea how you guys are. So afterwards, she's just like, what the fuck? And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, it's cool. I feel like the girlfriend is gonna be like, what the fuck? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm not a big Celtics fan anymore because of, you know, I used to be when Bird was there blah blah blah. I haven't been a big, I'm of course still root for the Celtics, always bossed in teams. And we bet 50 bucks and a sensual body massage. Yeah. Oh, I forgot about this. And my team won. They did.

And I have a feeling though, like when we bet the Patriots, it was a hundred bucks, right? And a hat. 200 and a hat. It was 200 and a hat. I wish we did a hat. Cause I feel like we're both losers in this. That's gonna be great.

Cause I told my wife that she goes, why would you want a back rub from Jay? And I was like, yeah, and I said it didn't sound a good idea. I was like, yeah, I fucking, this backfire to me. Because now, now I have to, are you gonna do mittens or no mittens? Is it just for you? Oh, no.

No, man. So I'm gonna get a central body rub. I'm gonna need you. Oh, I'm gonna need you, too. If you funny, if you cut the gloves on, he's just covered in limbs. I don't know if you have skin tags, but we're gonna find a better one.

If you do, I'm gonna find them. I'm gonna get him burnt off in you. I'm gonna be so, you get your whole crew could come up and watch it. All right, that'd be awesome. You want me a part of this? No, cool, I'm good. What are you doing that?

I believe on the 23rd, right? The 23rd live, we're gonna do it here But I feel like the bonfire has air conditioning has air we have air conditioning. It's on now But we also you have a mood the mood lighting in there is very sexy. It is nice Yeah, we take up the window yeah The windows can be such locked those windows, but I want it blocked with Asian theme like bamboo Oh like a a coy fish. I had that little thing with the little like thing of oil that has the sticks in it. Oh good. A rhombothera. Yep and I want you and something sexy

something. Come on now maybe. I'm gonna have Dan talk like an old Chinese wise man the whole time. Like what? Like a streaks a go up in the dough. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha maybe it was. It was because I don't come back from Bushcraft party boys. That makes sense. So it's the 23rd, which is the deal with going to be there. Oh, Gaelin watch. Oh, Jesus. We're going to have to. He's so not relaxing. Bobby, he'll like it.

Why don't his hands all over your body? When we go down to McFee's, they have the best mashed potatoes in the city. They're real mashed potatoes with Irish butter. I love on a bash big guy eating. I can't do it. in the city, the real mashed potatoes with Irish butter. I love on a bashed big guy eating. I can't do it. Other guy always, even when I'm eating it my worst, I'm still always like, just do salads or whatever.

Once in a while I slip up. I'm so hungry right now, you just made me hungry. I'm doing a crazy diet. Are you really? Been on it for a long time. For the special, first of all, congratulations. That's great. And thank you so much.

Congratulations to the generations. And you know what, I say. Great lineup too. It of all, congratulations. That's great. And thank you so much. Congratulations, the Generates. And you know what, I think, it's a great lineup, unbelievable fucking lineup. And I think you're one of the funniest guys going, both you guys are killing it. And I know that other people seem to be doing better than you financially. And gig wise, but it will come.

How bad is it that I saw that rose? And I'm gonna ask you if I can have that to give to my lady. I missed balance. You can have it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Which one though? The gold gold one. Yeah. I can have it. I gave her one every year and I was in jail for that. Steven Singer. I hate Steven singer.com. You can go and purchase these. They're not expensive. $79. Oh no, it's 69 for the gold one. Yeah, 69. Oh, I never even thought They're not expensive. They're $7 million. Oh no, they're $69 for the gold one. Yeah, $69.

Oh, I never even thought of it like that. How it's turned shut up? What up? $69! Anyways, let's go through some dates here. What do you got, man? Ah, man. All right.

June, yeah, you got my website up there. Oh, look at you. Yeah, man. Oh, that's the old website. All right. You got a new one? This is the new one. Then it should still be the same, wasn't it,

but I don't know why I went there. All right, whatever. But the, all right, so the May 20th from in Chicago at the Promotory filming and for a LAST TRACK, that's gonna be, yeah, that was all old dates. Yeah, that's the old dates. I'm gonna have to go. Your website is Chloe Hillier-Ducco.

And no, that's what it is. You, I don't know how you got that. It says, test site. Go to DaveTempleComedy.com. That's what you I don't know how you got a show that I do called the comedy John every Tuesday at bar nine. Yeah, yeah, no, no cover. Come on, people get the reference, Joel. We're building that presence in and filly. I mean, in New York, people are starting to know what that is. What the comedy, John. Yeah, John is a Philly colloquialism. It's basically the word thing. You say it in New Jersey, too. Yes. Yeah. What is it? Well, yeah. John is it's a friend of Cabeer. Any fucking, I'd even give it to me in a sense

Let me see them Jones right there. Yeah, those are Mike sunglasses. Yeah, I didn't know the name of us now know your Jones All right, it's like give me that thing yeah, or a chick could be the John like it. Can you stop assimilating with him? I'm from New Jersey. You're not but I am you're from an upper end of Jersey I'm from a town that's all people from Staten Island Words of my words to your mother Bobby I really do her parents her I Juhu 26 is the most important one my debut headlining at Carolins so you know

My debut headline and at Carol lines. So, you know, we'll make sure that Amy is nowhere near. I hope you please, Amy, if you, if you, please, Amy. Okay, press. I'll please go in and 10 minutes into his set. Oh, yeah. Hey, temple, temple. I follow you on Instagram. Just march a word field show.

I'm gonna do 30. I hope Brandon Sagalo comes in to rupture set Got you 10 real quick So I'm gonna double down that one. No, I'm gonna record that one and make something great It's so funny though because you think of what Amy did she you're right She had fucking minutes to do a monologue. She's doing a ness and now panicking It's right down the street and then Brendan who is on stage. People are saying, people were even saying the thing about like the argument was like,

well, she can go like to Broadway comedy club. I go, she's right there. She has ten minutes. She also told me that she had like, she had told Caroline she was coming. And they even if she didn't know, I don't understand what she was saying. But she was like, I thought this part of the read is, the DMs where she's trying to, she's probably being told what to write.

And that fucking, I told that fucking brand that I go listen, just know your stance. Are you okay with it? He is, if you're not, say whatever you want. But if you're all right with it, fucking be that. Don't be flip floppy. I thought the fun was more in just the fact that no matter what, it looks like he got like, you know, it's like,

hey, get off stage, I'm gonna do something like, sure, okay. I mean, it was funny to make fun of like that happening, but at the end of it, I think I did. I said to him, I was like, I get exactly what. Yeah, we all do. Did what you're supposed to do, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, nobody, you know what? And I give him, I give him his pass because he went through it so other younger comics don't have to to do it. Hey, nobody. You know what? And I give him a pass because he went through it so other younger comics don't have to go through it. Now somebody walks into the, to me, I don't give a fuck who it is. No, no, cause you're not gonna. Well, I say you rock it off, you just say like, yeah, what I'm done.

Yeah. People like it wouldn't. The trees would have done that. Yeah, but he would have actually. But you should have like, yeah, when I hang on one second, I got one more joke. And an hour and a half. Yeah, hey, come on up, do you think?

I just thought the whole story was such non-news. We actually didn't do it on bonfire that day when it came up to us. I was like, I don't know what the news story is there. Yeah, what a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, as soon as you're making it, they try to take you out.

Of course. I don't care what you think of it personally, but I would have it. They've been going in here for a while. But they're gonna go for everybody. They took Louis the fuck out. It won't go for me. They took Nick out. Everybody's fucking, but they're gonna go they're gonna go for everybody they go they took Louis the fuck out. It won't go for me. They took Nick out everybody's fucking if they don't like you they'll take you the fuck out. Yeah, and that Brendan saggo. I really like

it. I really like names really got around in the past couple of weeks. It's got press. Yeah. So much of the goes to house this but it's got to be good. It's gonna pump him to the next level, right? Like no. No, what you think that's doing. No. He came Saturday night and fucking killed the dough up in. It's very funny. Very funny kid. Funny kid. Follow him on Instagram too. Fun kid. He's like 30 to us. Big J. He doesn't have a pea size fucking ball. His ass home. He's young enough to not have that issue. Yeah, I know. He doesn't have skin tags left of his nut. May 17th to the 19th, Dr. Grins, where the fuck is that?

That's an awesome club. Is it? There's a really neat place. They put hotel, nice hotel right across the street. I love that. That's really. Did you get to play Michigan this time of year-ta? I was going to fucking winter.

It's a year-ta. It's a great though. No, it's too fucking cold. I was in Michigan for New Year's. I don't know. Negative eight across the street. It wouldn't be so bad. Yeah, this Sunday, I'm a rock on the range. Uh, what is that?

Headlighting comedy tent. The same night. The headlighters on the main stage are Godsmack and tool. Oh, we tell Sally. I said, hi, I will do. Yeah, every time I see, he never remembers me with all the shows. He comes, he always comes to my shows in Boston. That's awesome.

11 deep 10 minutes into my set. But he's like, he's like, he's like a whole table, not, and all of a sudden he comes in. And he literally, he's like a rapper, but it's all Italian people. He's so little. Yeah, he's fucking great. What a great guy. Tell him I said, amazing frontman.

I will do. And a great drummer. Yeah, I do that. It's so little. Yeah, he's fucking great. What a great guy. Tell him I said, amazing frontman. I will do. Oh, he's a great drummer. Yeah, I do that is one of the greatest. I watched that. I've, however many millions of hits that clip has in the drum battle that Godsmack does, I'm easily a million of them. I watch it so much. So good. So cool. It's video. I just showed someone last week in that video. I love it too, because he still has his boss in accent. Bobby, what's up to it? I'm going to be down to the left, the left boss. Then can I get me 45 tickets? What time do you go on eight? We'll be there at nine, nine, ten.

I'm excited to see him on Sunday. It's going to be really nice. He's fucking awesome. We got great band. Tampa and Prave are landing in Prave. I'll come up in June. Just a big Jcomi.com for a while. Skank fast.

Skank fast. Skank fast. And I'll come to that. I'm hoping he didn't go to mine. Because I was here. Oh, please little bit. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast.

Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast.

Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. Skank fast. you're gonna be funny, but you were really good. Why do people feel they need to do shit like that?

Well, because she wants to see what she's getting into. She's fucking going on a Saturday night. I talk about when people come up and say shit like that to you. I love it. That's like a word trash. That's what I'm trying to start fucking trash. I'll let me say before Lewis does freak out. The Skankfest is July 14th. It's gonna be fucking amazing. Bobby's gonna be there. A bunch. We have some more announcements coming up that we can't even say yet, but it's going to be bigger and better at the Brooklyn Bazaar. Get your tickets, Skank Festivals. Yeah, absolutely. Good. This weekend, good night, good nights in Raleigh, North Carolina, fat black pussycat Sunday, mcurtis on June 8th through the 10th. And then I'm going to Vermont Comedy Club, which I'm very excited

about the 14th and the 15th scroll down and the 16th and then I go camping with the family. I got my wife to actually go camping I had to buy a luxury tent though. I really did again with these tents. I'm not gonna get a bunch of tents another pair of tents Jesus Jesus have one of them. That's great laughing skull. I'm you know what I've never played it It's really really small room But it's just a cool little place. I can't wait to play it and I love the owner of it too cap city never did Playing really you're gonna pack it out. It's it's fucking really in the summer though It's in the middle of nowhere in Austin off the path completely, but it's people come it's great

I'm very excited about it and I mean just for laughs nasty show is coming up I got to put Skankfest up there too Skank it. And I mean, just for last nasty show is coming up, I got to put Skank Fest up there too. Skank Fest, make sure you get your tickets. And the nasty show, big announcement on Wednesday for the comedy festival. So please go to robberkelylive.com. I want to thank all my Patreon.com slash robberkely members. You guys are amazing. There it is right there. Becoming a member. If you're a member of Lipsipson cancel it. Go over to here. Patreon to support me over on Patreon slowly by slowly inch by inch. We're getting people over there. Ron Bennington show is out tonight.

Gabby edited this one. Gabby, let me tell you something. Mike Gabby, Zach, very talented. Gabby edited it. She's so fucking good at a bunch of shit. All these guys are great. I want to thank you guys. What do you got besides Sunday night? Yeah. Next week I'll be, I'll pass a comic strip to 24th through the 27th. I will be... Why you just bring your website up?

It's not updated. That's why. All right. Cool. The social media guy doesn't have a website. That's always good. Oh, I do everyone else's. I want to really have fucking, do you little Mexican nerds to help you? Yeah. Okay.

Okay. A lot of these things are brand new too. So I'll be, in August, I'll be featured for Jared free the first week and I'll be headlining the improv in San Antonio the last. Wow, good for you, buddy. How are you? Awesome, buddy.

I'm gonna be putting you on a couple of gigs of mine, too, somewhere. Hopefully, thank you. All right, bye. Gab, what do of mine too somewhere. Hopefully. Thank you. All right, bye Gabs, what do you got besides fucking great hair? Thank you Amazing today, but thank you so much. Yeah, let's humidity Guys, that's what all I wanted pretty sick ass journal What I'm just a couple of other things you have. Thank you so much

Yeah, that handwriting. Would you? Relax. I have a monthly show at the way station in Brooklyn. That's May 23rd, and then I'm going to LA. So put me on your LA shows if anyone's listening. And I started a new podcast with Katie Hanigan called Up Pod Colips. Subscribe. It's really funny. It's great.

Yeah. If you're out in LA and you have a podcast, why don't you have her on? Yeah. About that, too., it's great. Yeah, if you're out in LA and you have a podcast, have, want you have a run? Yeah. I had about that too. Zach, oh yeah, and did you thank your parents for me? Did you thank your mom? Yes, they love you.

All right, good. Did your father, did he get mad about the kid shit? Did he smell it? No. No? Fuck. Oh, I was so hoping that he would smell shit when he got it. It was just, it was a great show.

Hey, John, whoa, what the fuck? Nothing. Did Tiko shit? Did Tiko shit in the dressing room? Tiko shit, he's small. when you go to just that was a great show Joe John whoa what the fuck nothing all right the tico shit the dress he's small so you don't know thank you again to that you bet it's limited drama he's not limited he's just great drumming

exactly what do you have Zach the new guy you guys are the best fans in the fucking world you know what dude thanks a lot See you next week You've been listening to the YKWD podcast Thanks for listening Now go back to your shitty jobs shitty jobs Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet and they're all free and they're all Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desesperan.

¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com