Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Boojie Bobby

Episode Date: August 28, 2017

This week on YKWD; We have Guests Tim Dillon, Kim Congdon and Katie Hannigan Dudes! Robert Kelly gives Joe List a call to talk about the wedding. We hear how Kim and Bobby thought about the Cod and who was out there dancing. Bobby brings light to having two Skanks GF's in house, and we take notice to the fact how similar Kim is to Luis. Poor Vinny 'From the Jersey Shore' because we break down his set on YouTube piece by piece. Watch/Listen/Share/Enjoy Dudes!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com It's Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude Podcast UnwiredSuff.com It's the Hustle. Oh my God, where did you get this cappuccino? Hell? I grabbed my tongue. My tongue is fucking on fire. Poppich, what is this?

Hello? What's up everybody? We're back. You fucking cock suckers. I have the bomb and Dana. You know I'm gonna have the first bomb of the day. His phone is this right here. Please get it out of my way. We're back with another YK Live W fucking dead fucking dead The original this is not working by the way, can you all right there. We go. We're recording now fucking great But you have the audio correct nice that we have triple audio here because I fuck up a lot I forget to put push buttons and stuff so we have triple audio

Yes, the original podcast before any fucking of you fags had podcasts this podcast was hot and then you did the first podcast right you Colin Clinton did the first podcast together before bird it was the first podcast before bird in America before Everybody to first audio yes, the first audio audio podcast podcast in history Is this no no comma. Yeah a lot of the articles about podcast and leave that out to why I know Why do you think that is because they didn't do their fucking research? Shake news. I got you I'm with it. I'm with it. It's fucking fake news

I know I every time I read an article about podcasting it doesn't mention that. I think how many times do you read podcasts? Yeah, I don't think I've ever read one. Well, I like to do a little due diligence because it's my I have a podcast too and I'm interested in you. And you're just in the medium. You're podcast. Why? What's the sound happening? What's happening? This is this guy is running around the room. You're making me nervous. He's making me nervous too. I don't like physical activity. What's happening? Yeah, exactly.

Oh, yeah. I see. I see it. Keep the king happy. Okay. No, no, you're just a little too loud. I don't know. We just do your little hot.

Okay. We don't want to. What do they call it in the business? Yeah, a little hot. No, I know. Got heat. Here's the comic fucking time. No, um, just know Got heat. Here's the comic fucking time.

No, start kicking shit. Listen, look at man, I mean, I don't know what you want me to tell you Tim. I believe you. Buddy, I don't think you do. I believe they do. I'm not Dutch. I get sarcasm. I believe they do.

Bobby started Twitter too. I believe that. I did. I believe that. I didn't start Twitter. I started social media as we know. I read that. I read an article. Thank you. Social media article. I stay up I didn't start Twitter. I started social media as we know I read that I read an article Thank you social media article. I stay up on them. Thank you very much. Yeah, you got it. Thank you

You were the first to tweet no What you were the first to tweet? No, no, no, no. There's now you getting things mixed up. This is where shit gets Yeah, no I went into ONA with Twitter and they were like dude fuck Twitter You're a fuck, that's stupid. And they were right. They're right. Still fuck Twitter.

But they were like, it's never gonna touch something stupid. Nobody's ever gonna do it. I'm not doing it. Two months later, how many do you got? I got this, how many do you got? Right. Yeah, so I, well that was a great radio show.

They weren't like investors though. They weren't like calling market trading. I was on Twitter. I went to the company. I literally got invited to Twitter. That's crazy. I met the owner, the founders of Twitter, walked up to my table while I was eating at their cafeteria

with all the free food. Wow. And they were like, hey, how you doing? Blaba, sat down, talk. All right, see you later. I was like, who was that? That's the two founders of Twitter. What kind of food did they have?

That's my country thing. That's my question. Yeah. Anything you want, all these tech companies, That's the two founders of Twitter. What kind of food did they have? That's my question. That's my question. That's my question. Anything you want, all these tech companies, their whole thing is like open, you know, four percent. It's like nine month vacations. Yeah.

They'll do whatever at those companies like Google and they, I don't know about nine month fit. That's true. I mean, you get like internally, they even treat the father's favorite. Yeah, if you have a baby, yeah, you can, you can leave. I want free food.

Can we get free food here? Yeah, let's go. Yeah, you can have food. Can we I want free food. Can we get free food here? Yeah, let's go. Yeah, you can have food. Can we do it here? What do you mean, eat here? Yeah, put in a buffet. No, you want a buffet here? There is one down here, it's the fucking all street.

Go get what you want, I got it. Yeah, okay, go whatever you want. Let's introduce the show. All right, we have Katie Hanigan. Hi. Which has been killing it at battling. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Katie, I knew Katie before you were the first person to know Katie. Yeah, yeah. You're my dad. I guess I'll be honest. One second, Katie. Let's be honest. Katie, who fucking, we kind of put you in something

back in the day? Because I used to live with Kelly Fostuca. She was my mom. I know she told me. Bobbobba. What, are you doing comedy then? Yeah. But were you, were you popping? No. No. But who put your popping? Who got you?

What you in your face? I had to get your popping. Yeah, you got, that was my, that was my first video. That's a big video you were in. That was on Simon and Schuster. I think I was blowing you in that video if I don't, let's just remember incorrectly. It was the, for some reason, it was really, the way she did it was sexy as hell right because she's supposed to be blowing

I think me or Joe and she popped up hey Just it was just a great time training training. It was really she was like hey, how you doing up? And then I pushed And then she was like I'm okay. Yeah, yeah, so yeah technically Yeah, professional you go you were on that professional. There you go. You were on that, uh, yeah, the chief video. You were great though. I was a little nervous because for stuka. Well, you never know what to expect. Yeah. I told I think you do. I told my boyfriend. I told my boyfriend at the time that I was in that video and he got in a fight with me until I cried

at the restaurant that we were at. Yeah, that's not a good video. I should have kept it to myself, yeah. Yeah, I told Kelly too, I go, look, this is what we need. You do it because I knew Kelly didn't have a boyfriend and she's like, everybody's dick. Yeah, it's hard for her. She has to like see it. Well, she is a roommate.

Your boyfriend wasn't in the business, right? He was a college humor guy at the time. Oops, yeah, not a comic though. No, he could have been like, do it. Yeah, comic's okay. Do it. So I could do it for real if you know. Oops. Yeah. Not a comic though. No, he could have been out. No, he could have been like, do it. Yeah, comics okay. Do it. Sock is dead for real if you know. Yeah, yeah.

Speaking of comics, thank you. Just got back from Mohican son. Great time. A lot of people came out that heard me on Tuesdays with stories. Yes. So that was where there's two days of stories to come with. I'm joking. What does that come from?

I'm just saying, where is that originating? I know, it all comes from here. So even though, even when I try to make a joke, it's, I'm reinforcing. What does that come from? I'm just saying where is that origin? I know it all comes from here. So even though even when I try to make a joke, it's I'm reinforcing your point. Actually, a lot of people came out from YKWD Oh, good. Two comments. Oh, he gets upset. I said we love Bobby. We love we heard about you from Bobby show. Yeah. This is true. I don't even lie. I don't even like to hear this because I have to come back and admit this to him. Why would that bother you? I'm kidding with you. But why would that bother? Because I owe everything to you and it's uncomfortable. You're not.

You don't have to worry. You don't have to worry. And find a Lewis does. I got written up in the magazine and I read the thing and it's really nice in the last lines. And you could hear him be funny on YKW. I'm like, this is. Did it really?

Yeah, I was like, this is insane. You know, the guys, you know, what am I gonna do? I don't know. Why don't you know, what am I gonna do? Everybody know? I don't know, why don't you try being nice? That's a set of a five. Which is set to set. Cool else do we got? It's like a set.

Listen, you know, if you get to show on TV, let's, let's not get nuts. Not for, not for radio work. It's not radio, it's podcasting work. Trust me, I know. Who else do we got? All the way from LA, we have the beautiful King Kongden. Thank you. What's up? How you doing? I'm good. How are you? We're at the wedding together. We were. Yeah. This weekend, beautiful wedding. It was a joe list. Sarah Tomash.

Tomash. Tomash. I didn't know. That's why I didn't say it. I don't know. Tolla matchy. Yeah. I was a list. No. She's a native of the American. Yeah. She is. She's Italian. tolla matchy I didn't say I didn't even attempt the last name because I had him he had me Marry them right they were already married two days before did you have to become a minister? I didn't he didn't get ordained I when they asked me to do it I was like yeah, I'll do it But I gotta become a fucking online minister. I know it works is somebody else wanted me to do it

But I actually was like you know what, I don't wanna do it, because I hate, I've had three people ask me before and I told them all, no, because it's too much pressure. I hate weddings. I fucking hate going. I don't like them. They're a fucking waste of money.

That's why me and my wife are loapt in Hawaii and it didn't cost you a dime. Yeah. You watched it on the computer from your house so the comedy seller, but whatever. Joe's was nice. He wanted a quick one. He said he wanted five minutes ceremony and blah, blah, blah.

It's very stressful though. It's very stressful because you got comics, every fucking comic in the world there, and not just comics, the fucking worst comics. The worst Norman Gomez fucking, I mean, even list what a fucking trash made. Arey. Arey.

Yeah, you know, those are the guys, you know, you know, it's not like Tom Cotter who, you know, Tom Papa, who would just be supportive and nice and talk about me behind my back. Right. He comes with a heck of me out loud at the wedding. So how did your speech go? The speech was good, but it was hard because they wanted funny, but they didn't want too funny. And they didn't, they wanted, you know, spiritual, but not religious.

You had the perfect amount. I would say you were like 80% serious, 20% funny. Yeah, I had three lines. I had four lines. I wrote a, I wrote, I wrote a little, I wrote a little as I said, I won't do a little bit of scomas. I said, uh, I forget what it was. That was on the fly right before the wedding. I was like, uh, you got your friends and family. You're your friends, your families here, all your friends are here. Lewis Gomez is here, but I said Lewis Gomez intentionally just to see how committed he was. Yeah.

Oh, and he's such a mother for you. Whatever you say about Lewis, you gotta give him credit. Cox suckers committed. He went, J Gomez. In the middle of the wedding. In the middle of the wedding. It's amazing. That's a man I had to dead hit. I'm sure.

I got a big laugh. It did. No, it did not. No, Bob. I was hot. People were like, what the fuck is this brand new yelling from the back of the row? I just wanted to see how committed he was.

That's so funny. Because I knew that would fucking, he'd be like, Jay, and it just shot out. I was like, God bless him, he did it. That's great. Yeah, there was a couple lines. There was a couple things.

But things happened to, I went, Joe, you ready? He went, I ended them like, yes, I'm ready. And then I, there was a couple on the vows. I changed the vows on them. Yeah. They gave me these vows, but their vows were like, I don't know, I was like, you know, I'm gonna mess up. And if I mess up, you'll be there if I,

if I, and you'll mess up and I'll be there for you when you mess up. When I cheered on you, you cheered on me. It was really like fucking, Pussy doesn't get wet anymore when I fuck you. Yeah. It's like, what the fuck? It was really like sad.

Like, I have these other ones. I found these other ones. My uncle is a, a justice of the peace. Yeah. I guess you can, justice of peace and a notary. I get it, if you become a justice of the peace, you automatically become a notary too. Okay. FYI. So you can stamp your own shit. And I asked him for

some stuff and he gave me a couple things that I took one. And then I took the definition of love from the Bible. Wow. But I didn't say the Bible. Wait, did a love his patient love his kind? Yeah. Yeah. That's a real, healthy, Boston shit, right? I couldn't say the Bible because everybody's an atheist. Oh, come on. Really? The whole family. Yeah. No. Yeah, they're not they're not. They're never atheist. They were. He, he, I know why would we be? What's the word Tim when they when it's agnostic? No, no, let me ask the question for us. Your fuck was long. I like I think we're

playing again. No, uh, pagan. What's their pagan? Well, that's which you drew it. I know. Let me finish my thought. I really just yelled out the work because I got it. Well, he can't, the father is Bobby's old Boston self coming out and pagan the whole family that witches, the warlocks.

He came up at the end. He goes, you know, he's from south africa and uh... which father sarah's father all the stuff african did he is like a character from a movie yeah i don't have a lot of the sister though yeah he uh... sister sister i mean you're great in the mothers great to better fathers definitely a bit he's a man's yeah he is an old school man do i wouldn't fuck with him. I wouldn't fuck with him.

He's been like opening up a drawer and trying your own head. He came up and goes, you know, whatever the accent is, I don't know how to do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. It was like English, like a Dutch kind of a Dutch. They sound like drunk British people. A drunk Australian.

It's gross. It's a... What is it? Old like Sarah, you know? It's gross. I mean, here it again. No, come on, try it. Okay, ready?

Sarah, we, and then he told that story that like got too long. Like it was like one of those stories that fathers tell about their kids and people are like, I made me cry. It made you cry. It made me cry that it was so long. Sarah was sick, but she was a kid. Oh, how was she? Oh, dude, it was like chicken pox.

What was it? It was asthma. I was sick this year. We all had fucking asthma. Hang on one second, fucking Louis Jr. Jesus Christ. It's coming out of fucking hot. Fuck her and her fucking wedding.

She didn't die. My sister's dead. It's white bitch. Really? There's a great one. Would you get a pep talk before the show? Chill out. No, what did he say to you before the show?

I don't know. Oh, baby. He said that Bobby Kelly is going to be pissed when he finds out that me and Lewis are so much alike. I don't think you're. Yeah, you're definitely. I think you're alike, but you're good for Lewis. I think you're really good for Lewis.

I do. You do? I do. I think the girls he dates. Of course, I like, I love B. I'll always love his original chick. She's the OG chick. No, G-chirp, she's the best. She's great.

She's great, I love her, she's just awesome. But I like you the best since then. I think you're good. You know why you can tell it's a girl? Because Lewis will say something and she goes, shut up. Yeah. Oh, he wanted to wear jeans to the wedding. Of course he did. And you should

have let him do that in vans. I just got it. I saw it. No, I don't want my butt hold. What is it? Oh God, my calta ass. Um, anyways, he's hilarious. Um, yeah, the wedding was great. The father was, I thought the story was great because if you looked, it's, I was watching Sarah and she was tearing up Because she's remembering how much her father fucking loves her. Yeah, and I'm a fucking sap. I'll I cry That shit just hits my heart. Yeah father and now they're explicitly that I have a kid Yeah, when I see father and kid You know, I'm like you're like thinking of the future. I'm just thinking like oh my god I'm just so happy my kids not sick and. And if he was, I'd be there.

Oh my gosh. And it's very sad. But he was very scary, dude. Like in the front row, he was looking at me. He's got those round fucking original. What does he do? What's he do for living? You fucking fuck over my fucking line.

There you go. What the fuck? Jesus Christ. What does he do? Relax. I'm curious. Nice little fucking eye joke that you stepped on. I apologize. I'm just fucking. I'm trying. Nice little fucking eye joke that you stepped on. I apologize.

Fuck. I want you to listen. You fucking shitty actor. I'm trying to make. What does he do? I don't know what the fuck he does. That would have been something interesting. I ask.

Should we follow this show? I didn't understand them. Yeah. I can't even do his accent. But he came up to me after he was like, you know, we have to do these pagan rituals and I was like, this, okay, I'm glad I took that line. This is from the Bible out of the fucking,

he really said we gotta do pagan rituals. Look man, they don't believe in a religion, I get it. What is so, what rituals? But pagan ritual is the actual act of, you know, having me stand up there and say these words and marry, you know, you can just go get married and live life together. You don't need all this horse shit. What's a ceremony? I don't know. The ceremony. I don't think it's a pagan thing. I think it's just, this is a ceremony. I didn't say it. Well, is he pagan or was he just calling

it pagan like in a dismissive way? I think it's the latter. I hope he used to word pagan. I'm just, that word hit me and I think that's the word he used pagan. Yes. Do you think with his accent maybe he was saying we had to do these Faggot rituals? I think I was actually talking to Nick DiPolo. Yeah. Yeah. You got a fucking Faggot. Well, he was, I was sitting on Nick. You could tell the tables too. There was the fucking headliner almost finished table. like just, you know, me, Gary, Nick, Nick Griffin, some other guy, I don't even know that I heard as a fucking monster comic. Then there was the, the fucking writers table. That was just these writers.

And then there was the fucking skank table, just fucking Ari Lewis Dan. Who else was over there? That's only a people I knew. Yeah, there was just that table who just, you know, if shit went down. Oh, Nate. Yeah, Nate. Just fucking drug addicts and alcoholics and...

All they kept doing was trying to figure out who would have the best show from tables. Like, the tables were fighting. Like, we'd be the better show. We weren't. They were. Yeah, they were. That made me mature a fucking table. I mean, and they did it for way too long.

Yeah. They talked about it. I left and smoked pot twice and then came back. And they were still trying to decide who would have the better show. Yeah. When in reality, you could just look at people's fucking, you know, checks from comedy shows and you're like,

well, those guys are winning. But I'm playing Connecticut at the tree house on fucking Wednesday for 500. Listen, not me, that table. Yeah, it was a good wedding. It was a really good wedding. It was a good wedding. Nobody got fucking too crazy.

I left, thank God, before it got too crazy. Yeah. The thing that sucked those, I bought you a nice box of fucking my father cigars. And he told me the next day, he was walking around and people just grabbed him and they smoked just a quarter of it and Really does that ruin the cigar? What I don't know If you smoke a little bit it leaves a money you wasted on the

That wasn't smoked all the way can save them. I love when something so dumb they make everybody else What the fuck do I know about cigars? I made Kim deal and do a fucking Scooby Doo. Like, what? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr What do you think? Right. I don't think it would be. You come out of the gate, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking. I didn't say fuck them. You said that Ossera was sick when she was younger and I said she had asthma. That fucking sick. You said that fucking being alive.

Her dad was a fucking boring drool and he should have shut up 20 minutes ago. That's what you said. No, I didn't. Yeah, he did. Like a fucking basically. I said, the story was long and it made it sound like she was dying and it was asthma That's it. Yeah, he should have ended it 20 minutes before he did the father giving away his great, dude What kind of food did they have?

Are you lying? You're just lying so real last woman. Be real last woman. It was good What did you have? It was I had the chicken was, I had the chicken. How was the chicken? Yum, everyone loves chicken. You tasted like chicken. I can already have the chicken. Everyone loves chicken in a way. It tasted like chicken. I, for sure, it tasted exactly like.

I had Nick DePolo go over to Irish affair and use his dander off on my fucking cod. Just had taste. To the cod. Says something. The cod was something. No, the cod. Listen, it's wedding food.

It's, you know, you can't, you're not gonna, unless the wedding has hires a chef and blah, blah, blah, then you're not gonna get, you're not gonna get, you know, the best shit I said to just get people together. I tell you what was good, the appetizers were real good. What appetizer? So this is the best part about his wedding. He had the ceremony, told me, it needs to be five minutes.

I want to be in like 11, 14 minutes or so, because, you know, the, just all the shit takes longer. You know what I mean? Oh, the applause. I, no, I'm kidding. Um, so then, and then we went right into this little room and there was just a ton of appetizers. Like people walking around with the crab cakes.

That's great. That was good. Cauté l'Hour, the Cauté l'Hour. That was a Cauté l'Hour. That shit was real good. Thank God. You could tell the difference in my reaction. I was like, the chicken was good.

No, the appetizers did. The appetizers were fucking great. Yeah. They had a bunch of fruit and stuff like that. And then they had a nice room. And then they let us in. And then it took a while between food. I liked how they did the thing where they served you

the appetizer. Then you got to work it off with a dance. And then they served you the meal. And you got to work it off with the dance. And everybody danced, too. That was fun. I remember, you know, I was at Lennings wedding and you like you have to drag comics on the floor.

I get it. I'm not a dancer like Joe list. Did stop didn't stop dancing the whole night. That's it. They were so happy dancing. They both didn't stop dancing. They fucking loved it. They love dancing.

Let's take a love story. It is love story. What do you mean? It's't stop dancing. They the whole fucking I loved it. They love dancing. What's like a love story? It is love story. What do you mean? It's like dirty dancing. You know, it's a good love. So you know two comics. They find each other You know, the dance careers going really great in the last couple of years. He has his beautiful wedding It's like a late night on the same night. Yeah, it's a good love story. They just do some nice Yeah, it's like a love story. They just do a nice event. Well, all of oil and pop eye for Halloween and they were dancing that. Really cute.

But there's a difference between enjoying yourself at your wedding and dancing. They love fucking dancing. Yeah, I mean, Joe's good. Yeah, he's a good, it was surprisingly new the words and dances that so. You knew the words to the dance. dance look when you're at a wedding You're gonna go out and dance you're gonna do this goofy. Whatever is the Bruno Mars

Everybody's gonna go out for that easy dance and then there's gonna be some hard dancing where you know You're gonna you're gonna I'm gonna back off. I'm gonna go sit down for a couple That's right then I'm gonna do a journey slow song on my check right be out there Then you're gonna do a dance with you and a guy gonna dance right that's gonna happen because yeah Everybody has to but then there's you know then you're gonna do a dance with you and a guy gonna dance because that's gonna happen because yeah, everybody has to but then there's you know, then you sit down a little bit but then there's people that like to dance and they're up the whole night whole night. Yeah, they had so he was sweating. It's usually like and one of them will be an elderly woman. One of them will be like an older lady who took a course. She had a mango right. Who's very proud of the fact that she's

and she'll be like, still going, like she'll be doing that stuff. I went to my, She's dead at the next family function. Listen, but you know what, that night's what you live for. But the writing was good because the timing was good. Yeah.

You know, I mean, there was a little long was from the pasta to the main course. That was a little long, right? I made us wait a little too long for the main course, for sure. To where like, you couldn't not eat the food. If you didn't like the cod, you couldn't not eat it because you had to to have energy to get through the wedding. Yeah.

That's how long they made us wait. Like, yeah, I have to eat, I have to eat this now. Or I'm gonna, I'm gonna have to. It looked beautiful all outside. It was beautiful. The wedding was beautiful, quick, fast, inside, appetizers, dancing, then food. And then it was, you know, the wedding was beautiful, quick, fast, inside appetizers, dancing, then food, and then it was, you know, the people like me

and, you know, we had to leave kids, bought gone, and then the young kids all stayed, they were smoking pot all night, smoking sigs, hanging out, it was a good time. It was really good. It was a good wedding, and it must be a fucking bitch to put together a wedding and feed so many people. Yeah, it sucks, I'm never gonna get it. Yeah, what a lot

Wow go girl. Hey, I love that. I just don't believe I don't think weddings I just don't I think it's a fucking just have a party. No, but you know what? Everybody had a good time. I think you got to realize that like you know people Want to commemorate that day in a different way than they commemorate of 50 year old, the third day party or retirement party. It's gotta be a distinct type of celebration. You're supposed to have a party when you're 50?

Yeah, that's like a big party. Is it? Yeah, huge. Usually, usually. Well, you know, retirement party is a big party. Weddings is probably the biggest party. I think you have. Yeah.

The wedding is the biggest party that you throw in your entire life. I mean, look, I didn't have it. I don't believe we don't discuss. I discuss what? She said, Keen scene, Yara, but I don't. It's pretty big. He doesn't recognize it. We're going to talk about inheritance.

What is that? It's when you're 15 and 16 for Hispanics. Yeah, it's a big deal. It's like a wedding. Yeah, but you try to get fucking like, yeah, more listeners in Mexico. What are you trying to do? Sure. That's a big party too, but I think the wedding is above the communion of Kinsingerah,

even the baptism. I think the wedding is the biggest one. This bitch is just trying to get an easy need for the podcast. My buddy in Sinierra. Yeah. My buddy, you know, we're going as sponsors. My buddy at a wedding with his long Island weddings, he's, long Island girls are crazy.

My friend, 80 grand, went into debt. $80,000. I had a friend in that. For one night. And she, he goes, she invite, he pulled me inside during the wedding and go, she invited everybody that she ever fucking met. From, she lived in California, he goes,

for three months, she invited everybody, you know, and then listen, there were plates of food that nobody touched because people didn't show up and they were just thrown it out. You know, the people in the wedding, they're clearing out the next and he's like lit, he would tap me on the shoulder, he'd like, take a look at that, that's 80 grand being thrown in the garbage. It's a way, it's a, oh, help there's my hair. Here's my thing thing tell me if this is not okay. Yeah go get fucking married Just you and her on your your family, right? Just your mom your mom and dad, right? Or just you two yeah and get married and then just throw a fucking party and let everybody come to the party

That's the wedding when you would love to what was your way? He's just a Scribe to it. Yeah, that's literally a wedding. Can I tell my wedding plan? I can't win three girls talking once it turns into just noise. I don't know. No, I'm kidding. When anyone talks It's noise. Yeah, one girls. It's worse. Listen, what would you say? Okay, this is my plan when I get married every year on Valentine's Day Don't fucking steal this other view bitches already did the Empire State Building. Let me get my note. They let you write an essay And they'll choose 14 couples to get married at the top of the Empire State Building on let me get my note, they let you write an essay and they'll choose 14 couples to get married at the top of the Empire State Building. I'm Valentine's Day, totally free.

I'm sure it's freezing as hell of a- This is already very sad. Like this is right. Like, by the way, none of those 14 couples make it two years. There's no way. No, that's my plan. It's free, you know?

Yeah, but what if you, what if you, yeah, what if you, like by the time you get it, first of all, what if you, what if you like by the time you get it, first of all, what if you don't get it, what if you do get it, and then you really don't like the guy come February? What if he jumps off the building? You sure we get married. Listen, my plan is to get married at Ralph Sutton's apartment.

It's slightly small, but coffee and water for everyone, unlimited. And then we're gonna sell it for $5.99. I said, no one can sold our guest. It's what I'm going to make T-shirts called the wedding. I make that gay wedding. Get, yeah, get silk screen shirts while the wedding's happening. I liked when you were speaking at the wedding and you were like,

these two people love each other and they're standing in front of everyone to like prove it and you're like, actually, this is all kind of weird because it is weddings are like being married is a very weird thing in this is all weird. Like, because it is, weddings are like, being married is a very weird thing in general. It's a weird thing because. It's kind of like being like, prove it. You know, if you meet people that aren't married, it's a government.

And together you can feel cheating. But if you look at marriages over the year, right? Look at marriages back when I was a kid. A marriage, you went to a church, you went to a hall, they took the photos of the bride and the family, and then you went in and you had some drinks, and then you had a wait for them to be announced, and it was very ritualistic for a long time.

And then finally, people started going, you know what, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm gonna do this, we're gonna cut that out. Let's not do it in a church. Let's just do it at the hall. So now marriage is a getting streamlined because weddings fucking blow. Yeah.

They fucking blow. I'd rather go to a funeral. It's quicker. I like weddings. Females are great. I listen, I gotta be honest with you. I have two of the girl, I mean the girl is the, I like waiting to.

I like the kids. I love funerals. Funerals today. I like a funeral too. Funerals. It has everybody comes out. I see family that I haven't seen in so long. If you have fun in a funeral.

I have, I've never had a bad time in a funeral. I've had great, some of the best times in my life. I've had it for funerals. Hard to bless. Hard to bless. It's nice to get tear up and go to a funeral party and watch somebody go on the ground because it makes you feel like you feel alive

and then you kind of get focused. Yeah. And then what I mean, it's because I like to use it as a bottom, like many bottoms. I can't afford a retreat. So when one of my friends, dads or moms dies, it's nice to go out to Long Island to a nice leafy green cemetery.

Watch them get put in. Remember that they took me on a vacation, bought me dinner. Right. Tee her up a little bit and then get back in the car and go, I got to write that pilot and really start focusing my time. Good point. I think that the funerals are fun for comedians. Yeah. We're, I think funerals are fun for comedians. There's nothing funer than, I mean, nothing funnier than a comics funeral It's just I mean Patrice's funeral. Yeah, how sad it was it was hilarious. Yeah, I have Billy talking about he was telling me How hilarious

Charlie Murphy's he said it was the funniest comedy show he's ever been to right Charlie Murphy's funeral crazy It was like people going up and annihilating at his funeral. I mean, the funniest shit ever said. So yeah, I mean, for comics, I think it would be funny. I mean, I like I'm better than a fucking wedding. If you think about a wedding, right? Think about if you're in the wedding, you're fucked. If someone asks you to be in the wedding, you're fucked.

Because you're dropping a lot, well,'ll fuck, because you're dropping a lot, well, women worse, cause you gotta get all that horse shit. But guys, we have to, I mean, look, you have to pay for the meal, right? You're basically paying, give a couple hundred bucks, right? That's what I did, you give it, like whatever the fuck it is, 250.

You're figuring out, all right, let's give them 250, cause you're paying them back for the food that you're eating Troll basically and give him a little my then you get him a gift. It's like fuck me. That's five bills I didn't get you know what I mean. It's like I just stay home Yeah, yeah, it's like love yourselves in private. I love each other private me and my wife know we did we went I told you I told you this right now we went My wife's the shit. She goes, I don't want a wedding.

I just want to get married with a lope. I want to do it in Hawaii though. That's awesome. She goes, I go, okay, we have to show our family, your mother, especially your mother, because your mother was sick, she couldn't travel. She was just a parent or old, but I loved her mother and father.

I hired a web guy to come to the beach and set up cameras and a Wi-Fi. So there's a dude with a table, cameras and a Wi-Fi, and we had, you know, we hired a wedding package, Hawaii and dude with a conch shell, married us on the beach, but there's no private beaches in Maui. They're all public.

So he had to angle the camera because if you went an inch to the left, there was a fat English family just watching us. It was awful. Eight just tubby English people watching us. And if you went an inch to the left, there was another wedding happening right there. But I was out there, she came out,

the limo walked through the sand, the guys, and it's life. It was life. So our wedding invitation was a link to a website that you clicked on, signed in and watched this. Wow. And you could comment, like Voss was talking to my grandmother in a chat room, which was uncomfortable.

Yeah. And they watched it down the cell, they had it on the computer at the bar. So all the Colin, Norton, the Errol S.D. was all there while watching the awesome me get married. And as soon as we were done, I'll see you guys later. Bye. I was actually going, thanks everybody. Thanks. You know, I was thanking all my friends Colin and Norton. And my wife goes, would you win an award? Five and 12.

But yeah, we got married done. And we're on a, we were on our honeymoon that night. Right. Yeah. That's great. Yeah, this, this home, but then you can come back. Well, the one thing I wish we did is had a big party like at a big VFW. Or just get a haul and have a party buffet. Go up when you want really good food.

Yeah. Just eat as much as you want when the fuck you want and a DJ, fuck it or a live band. And just have a party. I love a buffet. I actually got married during the United States to write Rally and Charlottesville. It was really fun.

Everyone had torches anyway. I said, let's just do it. Great food. Oh, your friends had the torches. Yeah, they all had my torches, my friends. So I said, you know what, let's just make the best of this and do something. So it was a lot of, yeah, it was fun. There was a lot of people, it was a lot of energy.

Yeah. So I was happy. Fun. Really fun of you. Thank you. Wow. There's a link you can watch. I'll send it to everybody.

There's a lot of people clubbing each other, but if you look very closely, I'm doing my vows. They were trying to club the little two figures on the cake What'd be funny is that that that right was just about my wedding and I never do it race not to do it race It was just about one of them Looking up with a guy. You can't do this man. You're a friend We have the same real point. Yeah Another influential leader in the movement lost

That was a weird fucking. oh, this is fine. I can't believe it. Crazy. It's just, I don't even get it. It's like, I'm like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm out. I'm out of it.

I'm just going to go take care of, believe me, you're out of the, the, the, the, the, the, not to group that mean you're joining three months ago. I'm out. Are you going to fucking tell people, Bobby, they're reduced. You got to cover your dues. Everybody you talk fucking tell people, Bobby, they're reduced. You gotta cover your dues.

Everybody you talk to, are you either gonna be this way? No, of course. I gotta be either this way or that way. Yeah, it's crazy. Because if I think somewhere in the middle, I'm wrong. I'll talk to this guy who's right-winging and blah, blah. And like, yeah, no, that's true, but this fucking dude, what are you fucking?

What are you a fucking fag? Everybody wants to fight. Everybody talk to somebody over here? It's like that's ridiculous. You can't say I got through to come out. I'm fucking out. I'm keep doing weddings It's also a thing now that you should if you say you're out that you're on the wrong side. Yeah, you're out your silent You'll never be right, but I'm not I'm not gonna I'm not I'm not gonna win anyways because I'm I think both sides have points Yeah, yeah, I agree. I think Tina Fey the thing she did what both sides have points. Yeah. I agree. I think Tina Fey, the thing she did was.

What a fucking concept. Funny. She was funny. It was funny. And it was a joke. She say stupid shit in it that I was like, you're a fucking idiot for saying that. Yeah. But I can look past it because it was funny.

Yeah. You know, like people sent me that clip like I was going to watch it and be like a bald. Yeah. And it's like, if you have a sense of humor, you're gonna go that's fucking yeah, plus it was cake in it Yeah, you wait with cake. It's comedy, you know, and I mean listen if you have as much energy to fight comics Is it do to fight Nazis? I mean that's probably an issue, but here's the thing though. I don't get okay Nazis I hate the fact that we have to go Nazis are wrong.

Right. No, no shit. Right. I've never played a video game where you're the Nazi. These guys are also, you know what I mean? These guys are also dungeons and dragons, Nazis. They're not real, not, I mean, these are the guys that live in basements. Well, they mean these are not, they don't have a ton of,

they have no political power, they have no funding. Here's just funny money. Yeah. They're walking out, they looked no political power. They have no funding. Here's just funny money. Yeah. Is that they're walking out. They looked like the 300. Right. They really did. They look like Spartans.

Like with the things and they're close up on them. But then here's the thing. One fucking chubby lesbian throws a rock and they fucking fall. They all just fell apart. Yamanika Sonders said the best joke. She's like these guys, she's like they're the clan and she's like don't call them white nationalists which I agree with. She's like calling the fucking clan. She's like these guys, she's like they're the clan and she's like don't call them white nationalists,

which I agree with. She's like calling the fucking clan. But she's like now, she's like, when I was growing up, Klanzman looked like fucking Klanzman. Now they look like greeter as a Disney world, you know? Like they all look like suburban, like young dads. And they're out in college shirts with khakis.

And it is scary because you're like, who the fuck am I living next to you? You don't know who these people are. You're like, this is the dude that passes me on in a grocery store. Yeah, but how many people are getting, because these people are, but these are the thing. Trump said, both sides were wrong and he got so much shit for, well, he, he, that's a stupid statement. It's a stupid statement, but here's the thing.

It's a true statement, but it's stupid because he was to deal. Go ahead. What do you mean? Where are you stopping for one second? I know you've got an opinion. I recently just stopped. I want to hear it in a second. But I want to hear what you just said.

It's a true statement. What did you say? It's a true statement, but it's stupid. It's not the smart thing to say because he's right. He's like both sides are wrong. Because like, I mean, these fucking dumb ass Nazis are coming out and we're just giving them attention. And then, you know, there's all this violence people are dying when really they don't matter.

Like, but here's the thing, a lot of people who are fucking fuck Nazis, they're hunks of shit. They're all just shit people, anybody who believes in that, anybody who goes a fucking Nazi flag, me, Katie, because I know how you feel about these things. Are you going to fight him a little bit? Well, let me just, let me finish my point. Let me finish my fucking point. Well, Katie's a Nazi.

I don't give a shit. Let me finish my point. It's not my point. But the fact what he's saying is this. This is what he's saying. Is that he and Tifa is a bunch of fucking Nazis too. Yes. Yes.

Nobody is calling them. Nobody's saying these people, I don't give a fuck if the statue, it's still art that somebody made to represent whatever the fuck it's but take it, you can't just vandalize shit. You can't mace people, you can't hit people, you can't, you can't, not Nazis. Yeah, I know you want to.

Right. You want to go up and see a bunch of fucking white Nazis who are saying bad shit about Jewish people and black people and women and all that shit. Fuck them, they suck. But you can't just fucking attack them. Yeah, when you attack someone because you don't like what they're wearing

or they're similar wearing, you're doing the same thing that they're doing to the minorities. Yeah, but I agree. Nobody. Yeah. Nobody has fucking said that. No, people are who? People say, one fucking news.

There's a lot of Ben Shapiro saying there's a lot of people. All right, but those, of course, the Ben Shapiro, those are the guys that are going to say it. Who expecting to say it? CNN and I'm saying, I expect somebody to fuck and the, but here's the thing. The president basically, I believe that's what he said. But he had that's what he was saying. That's what his job is. I'm gonna tell you why you're wrong because. Okay, no, please.

I'm gonna tell you where, because I agree with everything you just said. He did not say there was, he didn't say both sides were wrong. He said there were very fine people on both sides. This is the problem. That's yeah. This is what he said. He said there were very fine people on both sides. Can I the problem. That's yeah. This is what he said. He said there were very fine people on both sides.

Can I ask one question? Yeah, before you go. On the Nazi side. Yes. And Gavin McGinnis talked about this too. Yeah. These Nazis were trying to trick right wing. No, hang up.

You do. Let me finish. Okay. Okay, all right, all right. All right, fuck. Okay, all right. They were trying to get him. Okay, all right, all right. Fuck. Okay, all right. They were trying to get him and his, the problem was to go down there.

Yeah. They were trying to get people to go down there under the guidelines that it was like some right wing Republican march when it was Nazis. Right. Okay, and he actually was like, yeah, we're not going, thanks.

Right. We don't go with Nazis. So we're there and this is a question. Yeah. We're there people who were not Nazis that got caught up with this shit. If you're holding a torch and you're standing next to somebody with a swastika and a quote

from Adolf Hitler on their shirt. What if you have it? What if you forgot your reading glasses? Okay. Yeah. If you forgot your reading, if you're a drunk, frat boy that's just by mistake, somebody gave you a torch and you're like is this a congal and yeah, no The organizers of that rally were Jason Kessler or Christopher Cantwell or Richard Spencer by love to listen that listen to quick

Who the fuck knows that in quick? Everybody have a lot of intelligent easily you Google these dudes very easily first go to any of their websites of first and it comes up as something called the Jewish question how much power to choose have are they a problem so it's like a lot a lot It's the first one so any of these guys these guys are white supremacists and And they are and there are neo nazis. I mean these are national socialists. You know Matthew Heinbach These are national socialists, you know, Matthew Heimbach. These are national socialists. That's not a lot of it. These are neo-nazis.

I mean, dude. No, you go, I'll fucking throw my jokes in at the end. Okay, that's them in. That's fucking rambling ass. All my whole point is that you can't not know that this is who's throwing the rally. Well, listen, I understand that, but where are they trying to work? I respect the Katie went.

I respect the Katie went. I had a great time. Yes. I respect it. You know, if she would, girls and this bachelor at party, if you are Nazi, you know, how it would be not to like kind of just be in to her, you know, hot, that would be it would be very hot. If you look a little bit like the girl who did the vice documentary, not really, but

you know that girl, yeah, a little bit bit if she shaved her box into like a nice That would be gross. You don't think that's happened because vagina sure it's happening right now someone's doing it right this second Yeah, Hitler mustache where that come from huh? We actually started we saw a guy out front with the Hitler must know last week. I swear to God I love that. That's just a hipster. I know it was an old guy There's a big little look like a big old Polish or German guy Big old gray hair looking for like how do you get into the seller and I'm like the guy is a fucking Hitler must-nash And I was like oh my god. He did just right here. Nice hot gray. You couldn't see it because it was gray. Like, to all of you, but it was a nice hot hit LaMosta.

Wow. What was that? I sneezed. Oh, I thought you were going to stroke. I don't know. You fucking eyes roll back. Every time I do something. He doesn't like the eye roll.

I'm having a stroke. I have a tick in my eyes. It's all in 50 times. Because he likes control. He wants to control. I don't want to crawl anyway. I just don't want to fucking be scared for you I have a I haven't twitching like that sometimes sometimes you're sitting in a hot studio with no air conditioning

This is not my studio as air could maybe it's not my fault that you're hot Yeah, because it's a two by two studio and the AC's on your neck. That's not true We have offices coming all right No one else. Yeah, because it's a two by two studio and the AC's on your neck. That's not true. We have offices coming. All right, we have a massive expansion. You can take a hit. All right, learn to take a fucking hit. I'm taking a hit.

Listen, everybody else is cold. You're hot. All right, don't blame us. You're wearing a long sleeve shirt. Yeah, and you're 900 pounds. You dressed as a winter. Bobby, not our fault. Three people mistaked me for you at Mojigan's side.

Funny. I'm fat too. Thank you. Three people, 900 was funny, at Mohican, sunny. I'm fat too. They can't. You just take a hit. Three people. 900 was funny, stupid. I just take a hit, funny. I'm taking a hit.

900 was not that funny. It's a very on the nose number. Let's talk more about weddings. Listen. Can I talk about mine? I want to tell you how I felt racist yesterday. Why? Something happened.

Something really weird happened. So I'm not from New York. And we were, Lewis and I were on the subway. All right, good story. Anyway, so I think that, you know So I'm not from New York and we were Lewis and I were on the subway. All right, good story. Anyway, so I think that, you know, I'm kidding. My big brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's

brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's

brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother's brother And so I was listening and it said like this stop 37th next stop, all a aqua. Are literally that's what the conventors said. I swear because we were both looking on our phones. We both looked up at each other and the people around us.

Can I stop you for one second? Do you smoke weed when Lewis smokes weed? I hadn't smoked weed then. I wasn't. But do you smoke weed when Lewis smokes weed? Sometimes. Okay. But we both looked up at each other and the people, like six or seven people all looked

up at the same time from their phones and all looked at the speaker and the doors were closing. We just left. Nobody said anything. Nobody said anything. That's great. This is some fucking terrorist drug. I call the police.

I call the police. We did. Yeah. What did you say? I told them exactly what happened and what they say. They said that they were gonna look into it. And then watch, in two weeks, train guy fucking smashes train another train.

I swear to God, the nearest day, this stop 42nd next stop, Aula Akbar. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. The clearest day. The terrorists had to take a civil service test to get an MTA job. Like, what is the next stop supposed to be anyway?

It was supposed to, I think, right now. Can I say something? They did change 34 streets to Alok. Oh, yeah. I did. Yeah, that's what we're going. Welcome. We were on 34th and the next one was 42nd.

Yeah. Alok, Bob. That's the date. It was time square. And you just sit. Sometimes it wasn't. It wasn't everyone around. It was so square and you just sit. Sometimes the speaker system is fucked up. It wasn't everyone around. It was so clear because I was in my phone

and everyone looked up at the same time and you can feel the tension. That is weird. Everybody was like, I believe you. It's either weird or it's the fucking funniest thing ever. I mean, it's either. Just some dude with his pal to check this out. Next up, Alokba.

Yeah. I know that's what I was saying. I was like, what if the connexers was like, oh, I do this every once in a while, see people run off, you know? Like, I'm trying to think what he would even do. I guess ram the train into another train. Dude, you can just,

just fuck the trucker. Fuck the trucker up and just sit back. We got off. That shit smash at 42nd Street. You know how many people are waiting on that platform? Can you do that? There's nothing to stop you from doing that. What do you mean?

Yeah, your brain, your values. Okay, but I'm saying like, I didn't know? There's nothing to stop you from doing that. What do you mean? Yeah, your brain, your values. Okay, but I'm saying like, I didn't know if there was anything to stop you from doing it. Yeah, how do the trains work? I have no idea. Cause it scares me that they're not automated to some degree. They're not automated.

The guy controls the speed. Oh, that's not good. Humans, I never try that. I don't like that. What are you guys talking about? Humans, planes, planes are the majority is the plane do in the work. Yeah, but humans have done amazing shit. I know. We're not bad. They're fucking great. Yeah, the 99.90% of the humans that ever operated anything have

been expert, holy shit human beings. I know, but the ones that are in what are you rolling your eyes for? It's aliens that give us the technology. Oh, fuck. People are total morons. Yeah, every time I get on a plane, I'm wearing the dumbest people in this room. Listen, they have got flies of plane. No, it's had a fly up. Yeah, fucking plane. But you probably have no idea that you've been on so many planes or that dude's hung over and fucked up and did blow the nose. I know that person can be going through anything. Yeah, but there's two of them. And he could snap. But that's why there's two of them.'m playing. That person can be going through anything. That's pilot. But there's two of them.

And he could snap. But that's why there's two of them. I know. That's why they don't have one dude on a plan. They have two of them. Sometimes three. Yeah. That's true.

Because they're not reliable because they're human. That's not true. They're very reliable people. Then we'd only need one. My old roommate was a fly to the boat. No, that's not that. That's a case something does happen to him physically where he can't, you need somebody else

to be able to do that, a coal pile. You always need somebody up there. That's just added safety. But I think that trained people, I mean, look, if a guy, there's no way a guy is gonna smash a train into something, that would have already been done. And it would have been done in some shit country. Now it's gonna be when they hear this,

and they're like, that's a good idea. That'd be fucking crazy. My point back to you about this Trump thing, you make sense with that. I understand that, but still, I think that, I'm not saying it's not. What bothers me about this whole thing and why I'm tapping the fuck out

is because nobody seems to be saying that both wings of this shitness is bad. Nobody, they, CNN said that Antifa was gonna find peace through violence. Yeah, well CNN's out of control. But who the fuck is out of control? Who the fuck, who the fuck would ever condone that? Since this whole thing has started, it's really made me like, like, kind of sway away from the left side a lot.

Well, you can't read CNN, you can't read anything that they write. This whole thing has started. It's really made me like, like kind of sway away from the left side a lot. Well, you can't read CNN. You can't read anything that they write. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think so. It's the whole things because they only reported the Trump tweet. Fucking ridiculous.

My phone has CNN alerts. The first line is because, the first line is always Trump. Trump, Trump, Trump. First line, Trump, Trump, Trump, since he's been elected, that's all they fucking talk about not about technology new things things that happen in the world It's all horseshit. It's the same problem that's going on with all news where it's like become so capitalize Capitalistic that they are just making news for the people who consume it and CNN's demographic as people who are enraged

And it's also social media is bad man social media is not good news for the people who consume it and CNN's demographic as people who are enraged right now. Social media is bad man. Social media is not good. I got to be honest with you. Social media has not enriched the like lives in the way that I think. I think the reality is it's it's inhibited our ability to process information, have a conversation. At people argue on Twitter with gifts and memes.

They're all full arguments with, it's like what are your own podcasts? No, no, no, I understand that. He said social media is bad. It's bad. It's bad. It's bad. You have a podcast and that's exactly what you do.

You have a social media and a podcast. Radio. That's a different thing. It's a different thing. The podcast is a long form conversation that you're having usually with another person or some people are having it by themselves I'm talking primarily about social networks

We're like hello and also a comedian. It's like you're a list. Hi Joe. You're live on the YKW Congrats Joe. Oh, that's good. That's why I'm calling. Uh-oh congrats. I just think it's egregious an outrage I just think it's egregious and outrage That I would not be invited out of the podcast here days after My thought he was on a honeymoon buddy buddy. First of all to the man First of all you can come I told you come on anytime you want to show up number one Number one number two. Thank God. You want to talk about us trashing the the fucking the cod the cod was terrible listen

it's the outside that you know you have a good point who was the cod it's true i don't know fat boy who's hungry but the appetizers were amazing are Are you here? Come on come by I was I was gonna stop by I felt I was too hurt. Oh fuck off. Please come by hurry up. We'll see you in a little bit I'm going to the movies with Ari. No what movie you're gonna see with that queen a ghost story That's the romantic car movie. Oh my god the one where they go on the lake. Yeah that's real depressed. It's like the ghost. It's like an uncle. All right. Well, that's great Well, I love you buddy. Great wedding. We're so happy for you What you say what you say about her dad right now Come on fucking tough girl. Good speak up. You can hear you

Not good. Thank you. Joe's really fine all right there you go hi buddy I I buddy I didn't think you'd want to come on are you coming tomorrow night oh what's tomorrow night um I yeah anyways Joey list you want some more water buddy no I'm chilling I don't I'm putting the freezer. Anyways, what were we talking about? Joe list, that's so funny. You fucking, you fucking turkeyed out.

Social means talking about fucking, or fucking long-winded dad. You don't want to whip that out. I just, I really thought he was calling. I was trying to go through my head like, what did we say? I know me too. I was like, I trashed it, cod.

I trashed it. But I talked good about the appetizers. So I'm good. I was like oh, it's you You really threw me under there, I did I wish like he gave the phone to Sarah's dad But Sarah was a child. I'm like oh fucking a again The Apollo I think the pilot one point speed it up Apollo Apollo. I think the Apollo one point speed it up. Speed it up.

Oh shit. Yeah, well, anyways. They don't even know me that much for me to talk shit about the wedding either, you know, like for sure. I mean, you know, I look at weddings, weddings, I didn't talk shit about the wedding. Like anybody who's been married, just for the same thing. They're not good, they're not fun. We know him. I'm not sure about the wedding just like anybody who's who's been married Just we heard they stay

They're not good. They're not fun. We know Kim. They fun when you leave a wedding You're like every time I leave a wedding wasn't that bad. Yeah, because it was a bad one that happened Right, and you were like fuck me never again, and then you like it wasn't that bad 500 bucks a couple hours I got to fucking have an a kid like a good day at the DMV 150 for the fucking babysitter.itter and a dick all over the place I get a I'm trying to babysit box of cigars didn't even get one yeah didn't even get one because they went still No, were you happy with that one? She was smiling before actually Still fucking caravan. Carapena was bad fucking

what I'm here take that for put that put that over your cold tits. Um yeah, are you going to get married someday? Do you want a marriage? I mean who knows? I mean you know, no, I mean you can't really I don't think you can predict. No, I'm not saying that you got to I know you can't but maybe would you like to get married? Yeah, but it's not like it's not a huge thing. Would you have a wedding? Sure, but it's not like it's not a huge thing. Would you have a wedding? Sure. If I got married.

You need a wedding. Long Island wedding. I don't know about a long Island wedding, but I would do something. You got all your poll boys. Tastes fall in an Arby's. You'd go to the Hampton. I would do something really nice. Montau.

I would have you officiated by me. Tate and Busters. I will not officiate another wedding. You have to pay mine. You'll officiate mine. My rule is this, you have to sell out 3000 cedars and more. That's fine.

So get to work. No, you're gonna get to work. Yeah, get to work. Yeah, I don't think, to me, a wedding is not that important. Right, I mean, I just, I think if you're into your career, you're in there like doing shit like that.

I don't know if you're focused on a wedding. I'd love to meet someone. Yeah, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What happened on a wedding. I'd love to meet someone. Yeah. Yeah. What happened to the portrait? Did I fuck it up for you? Yeah. It's over. Do you want a big wedding, Kim?

Like, for a week, the wedding. I don't want a big wedding, but I definitely. We have like to release chickens and everybody's going nuts. Yeah. What is a pro-reacon wedding? When it kills the moles. They do things.

At the end, they throw rice and beans. Yeah, it's like Santorilla and stuff. It's kind of fun. The rice kills the birds. It's true. I like that. I like that. That's what I'm into. Like, everybody has to get that. Everyone's making their kids. Yeah. Everyone has kids in the wedding. Yeah. I definitely want to get married and I want a wedding. You want that whole, you want that thing? Really?

Yeah. You want to dress? Yeah. Do you want a gas digital step-in repeat at the wedding? I want a pod cast. So you can take photos with, you know. I would not mind my wedding being podcasted live. Well, you have found the perfect husband. You found the dude. I mean, that's totally God. You found the only God. Like at my wedding, I want like a big bowl of mushrooms

that people can just like. Like, shrooms, not like, okay. No, no, no, like mushrooms. So it's like, wait, it's a pretend I tuned into that. It's great. Bobby's like, portabello. What are you? So I know what mushrooms are talking about.

You want people just fucked up at your wedding? Yeah, everyone fucked up. There's some people be like, that was so fun I almost died. Here's the thing, too. Joe said no kids. And there was kids. There was. Don't bring kids if he says no kids.

You have to put them in the back. You know what that means? They didn't want your kid there. Call them back. That's true my mom does and she's like Wow, wow, then she'll give specific okays to people Kim cod and tell them the truth You didn't call him I'm not gonna calm cuz he'll fuck you look who pushed out now Well, Joseph. He doesn't think what Joe if I caught if I caught Joe's very sensitive. Yeah. Oh God I'm glad you told him I didn't tell tell him. I all my we did a little bit. He alluded to it

I really do it. He's not listening. Nobody listens. Yeah, he can't hear who listens to their own podcast I mean listens to their shit. I think people do to get better to improve Louis does I do I listen to my thing to improve all Louis does is watch his own podcast. Yeah, I do too all day I know where we do Look at the Yeah, I do. Really? All day. Yeah, we know. And then he's like, look at Dave. He's a tip. He's a boss. Listen, when I said this, it looks like I hear it. We're trying to get him.

We're trying to get better. Dave will be watching himself. Yeah, we're trying to get better. We're trying to get better. At what? Broadcast. Broadcast. That's not true.

That's you learning. You're hearing how you, oh, I talked too much during that cast. Oh, I thought, you know, I should have said this. I should have done it. Apparently you're not learning. Fucking yeah. Listen, you know, this is where I'm right and you're all wrong. And that's okay. I mean, you know, I should have said this, I should have. Apparently you're not learning. Fucking, yeah. Listen, you're not, this is where I'm writing your role wrong. And that's okay.

I mean, there's no, it's this episode. Why would you watch yourself back on stage to see what you did right and wrong? You'd listen to your podcast. Yeah, I know. Same thing. No, it is what it is. It is what it is.

All right. I know when I talk too much, I know when I said something wrong. I'm like, I think so, I always write. Great. I know when I'm an asshole, I know when someone's a dick. I know it, right in the moment, I feel it. I'm just saying too much. I know when I said something wrong. My instincts are always right. I know when I'm an asshole. I know when someone's a dick. I know it right in the moment. I feel it.

I'm just saying too much. I feel like these were your wedding vows. I know when I'm talking too much done. I know when I'm an asshole. I know when I, you know, I do. Good vow. All right, give me the bomb thing. I thought it was funny.

I thought it was very funny. Don't get mad at me. You're fucking, it was very funny. Quite funny. Well good for you. I know you think you're a superstar Listen, I didn't fucking say anything. Okay, all right. You can laugh. That's fine. What did I shut the laughter button down? Don't fucking get mad at me. Listen, you said I'm listening. I have I told you they're looking at you. They're not did dude. They're looking at you. They're very nervous You made one of them blow you on camera.

You know? I'm scared it's gonna happen again. Yeah. She's terrifying. You're putting her in another video. Listen, here's the thing. I am. Are you gonna get married someday?

Do you want this whole big girl wrong? I would love to even have a successful date at this point. Let me ask you a question. And I don't mean to offend you. Oh no, it's okay. Put your pretty. Oh, thank you. Well, there you go.

Thank you. She just writes a blog about it. She actually juggied. Tell me, but why are the fuck would I get to be careful when you compliment a girl because I don't want to. You already told her to get a fucking swastik on her pussy. No, not her. I said somebody.

Oh, see how you hear things. Yeah. Yeah, you rewrite history. Yeah. Now there's going to be a block on that you fucking co car. I just called you a clocksecker. I'm in trouble. Hey, you posted a picture of my hard nipples today. I did not. Did you? Just bragging about the air conditioning. First of all, I just said you were happy to do the show. I don't know what you're talking. My nipples were hard. Who? What the fuck are you talking about? They were. I didn't even see that. Bobby. He's got to look

again. I didn't even see that. Let's see. Why were they hard though? I don't know. Well, they were. Oh, okay. Oh, that nice. He's done the same thing to me. This is what he does. This is what he does. And if we don't shut him down, he'll continue to do it. That's the tragedy. Mom's there. So you don't have a boyfriend? No. Is it because you're finding hard to find a guy. Do you want a square dude outside of comedy? Is that what you want?

Yeah. Because it has to be comics that want to date you. I mean, I can't date any more comics. It's just too much of like their whole thing and then my whole thing. It's like very tough, I think, to just be a comic and be constantly going after that next thing and managing yourself and managing your career.

And then to have somebody else where you have to kind of like watch out for them and then you feel like there's a codependency, I think with a lot of comics. Oh, somebody else. Kim counterpoint. Nothing new name of the show, counterpoint. Kim, go.

I mean, I don't think it's a great idea to date comics either. Wow. It's heating up. I mean, fight, fight, fight. Hey, wait a minute. What about this fucking? I am. Yeah, she's, she's doing the fucking, we're gonna have to skanksprod.

If I'm at like a great comic, there you go. Yeah, she's she's doing the fucking they're gonna have to skanks broad If I'm at like a great comic You know see but it'll happen wait a great comic or a great person well he'd have to be both I think what about like if Sebastian menace Calcutta wanted to start dating yeah, I mean what I would go on one day with Emma the best he's the best he's Fucking great. I'm married. He's married with a kid. But no problem. I'm just saying, that's my tie. Is it the level of comic? Like, I always wonder if like, there was a comic who's very successful. My thing just fucking filled up when she said that. What did you say?

You said married married married with a wife. She had no problem. That's my type. But it would have to be somebody who's not who doesn't have their career in that. They have't have their career in that. They have to have their career in a place where it's not that of like, am I gonna make it, am I not? Cause that's a lot to take on when you're dating somebody. Especially the man, you don't wanna like,

date a guy that's like, well that's where I am anyway. It's just for anybody. It's like, you know. All right, wait a second. You guys feel that way. Do you have any problems? Like you're a comic, he's a comic.

Does that fuck up anything? Does that and you live in L.A. Yeah, I'm which must be tough too. Yeah, I don't know. I think right now me living in L.A. makes it easier because we both even when I'm here sometimes I don't see the Lewis like all day because we're both working or we're both doing podcasts or shows or whatever. So that makes it easier with being long distance that we are both busy and then we both live in places where it stand-ups like really big LA in New York. But I think it's good with Lewis because there's a point like you don't want to do an open-maker because they're like broke and they smell and like they're fucking sorry. Yeah, you don't want to give anyone advice. Yeah,

you don't want to help. They're like they're like 35 and they're like I've been doing stand-up for a full year now. Yeah, I'm ready. Or they go up to like fucking They're like, they're like 35 and they're like, I've been doing stand up for a full year now. Yeah. I'm ready. Or they go up to like, fucking Bill Burr and they're like, you're my idol and friendly and you're like, okay, I can't do this. And then you also don't want to date someone

that's like completely broken out into the industry is on TV because then they're like, fucking everyone already and it's like, they don't want to settle down. And I just don't trust, trust, I don't know. But I have a hard time. I have a hard time dating guys that aren't comics because I need someone to know how funny I am

and appreciate that. Yeah. Yeah, and guys don't get it. You'll say something to a regular guy and they'll be like, oh, they'll take you seriously. Like if you're a funny girl and you try to say something funny, they think you're being serious. I mean, that would never work. I'm like, I know that's a joke. They're like, they don't get that women have the capacity.

That's a weird thing though, because as a guy, our sense of humor gets us sex. You know, as a guy, not gay. Me make really. Gay dudes don't care. Gay dudes don't go to comedy shows. They don't really care about comedy. Unless you're, yeah care about comedy unless you're yeah That's what you're like at least a lamp an alley in their old family. They're left. They're let's share a hundred percent But that's why a lot of gay dudes in comedy are successful where they kind of quit because there's nothing else there Like there's a you look at people that do open mics for like 10 years You're like why are you still doing it? You realize oh, that's how they get laid. Yeah, but like because there's there's four

There's like five gay comments. There's like not a lot of, you know, okay, no, I'm not gonna, but there's not a lot. Literally, there's, there's not that many. And so it's like, if you're not, it's probably a lot more than as you know, yeah, sure, have my friends and f***** sure, sure, okay, sure. But so if you're like a gay comic and you're not making any progress, you quit because like there's nothing in the scene for you.

I mean, for a straight male, when you're doing comedy coming up, I mean, it's like, good late, fucking women love after the show. I mean, it's so easy. Yeah, guys don't like it as much. I get approached by guys all the time, really? I, yeah, like probably after every show,

but it freaks me out. See, they like it in the moment on the show. In the moment when you're on the stage, I like this is so cool, she's on stage. When you're with them, they want you to be their girl. They want you to be like, you're so cool. They have to be that there's something in masculating about making a man laugh that he's like,

oh, she made me laugh. And he's like, what do I do now? Yeah, sure. I tell you what though, my wife, my wife's, oh, she made me laugh. And then he's like, what do I do now? Yeah, sure. I tell you what though, when my wife, my wife's a square, doesn't do comedy, but she fucking cracks me up when she acts. Because she also acts like a woman and a mother and a wife. Well, she is a mother and a wife,

so I hope she would act like that. But she, she, don't want to tell me to go fuck myself. I'm in one that I laugh for 10 minutes. She goes, go, I ask her, I go, hey, get me this. She goes suck my dick. And I was on the floor laughing my ass off. You know what I mean? I don't know.

That made me cracks me the fuck up. We laugh a lot. Me and my brother laugh a lot. But you're saying that as a comic from the view of a comic you appreciate someone who's funny and who can make you laugh after watching so many funny things. I really like that.

Like if I was dating, it's, I think it'd be hard though, as a comic to date a girl like Joe and Sarah are alike. So it's, for some reason I see that working. You and Lewis are similar. So I can see that compatibility that's there. You know what I mean? Yeah, me and Dave are nothing alike.

You guys are alike. You guys look alike though. They look alike. Yeah, you have the same body. I know, you have the same brother and sister. You have the same size chest. I'm sorry. Yeah.

No, we are a lot alike though. You're a lot alike. Yeah. But it's the comics that, you know, that I don't like. I don't know if I could ever data, I never, ever dated a comedian. I don't think I've ever fucked around with a comedian. Maybe one, one a long time ago. I think you're honest something.

I think them, it might be something in me that I'm like, I don't wanna fucking have to laugh at your shit if I don't think it's funny. I don't wanna hurt your feelings either. Okay, but David doesn't laugh at me if I'm not funny. You're not funny. We've talked. He's saying that's funny.

Yeah, square guys must be like, fuck that, right? I mean, I think a lot of guys are like, oh wow, someone who's like unique and interesting, you know, but then it's like you kind of get to know them and you're like, God, you're, Jesus, just kill yourself. That's something they're gonna do. What are you doing? It's something they're gonna come again anyway

because they're out, if they're succeeding, they're out every night. They're not around going away. And weekends, like, there's, forget gender for a minute. I know that's hard to do. But if you forget gender for a minute, actually, it's just, I think it's kind of hard to date a comic

if you're a total square, because you're like, we're going away this weekend and you're like, oh, I'm fucking featuring it, hilarities. And he's like, what? Like, the nine to five justilarities. And he's like, what? Like, yeah, and like the nine to five just not mesh. And it's like, they're getting off work. You're going to work. They have the weekend off. And then that's like your, yeah, when you're working, they're party. I mean, what they don't get is that like you can, you can be like, oh, yeah, we'll do this

on Wednesday at three. And then all of a sudden, someone's like, oh, can you do my podcast? And you're like, oh, hey, sorry. I know we had plans, but I have to do this podcast. And they don't get that that's also you working. But if they do get it, it makes it way easier to just break up with them. Because you're like, oh, so much stuff has come up. I'm just, I can't pass it on. I think they get it.

They're like, you're so busy. I love them. I love them. I love them. A lot of times when you're dating somebody, the things that, you know, things that can help, like if you could get like, like good DVDs of all movies and Blu-rays and stuff like that.

That'd be great. To watch like on a date night. Yeah, like a date night thing. Like I love like this place called deepdiscount.com. Yeah. What do you do there? I mean, it's crazy. Let's talk about it.

I mean, deepdiscount.com is loaded. It's a website load of CDs, vinyls. Sounds sexy. DVDs, blue rays, video games, and more. I'm into the deep. Yeah. See for yourself. I mean, go to deepdiscount.com or just go to my homepage at riotcast.com slash Robert Kelly. And there is a logo right there. You can click on it. I actually went that movie

right there. By the way, right there. Click on that movie. That movie right there by the way right there click on that movie. That movie right there is fucking hilarious. Which movie is that right there? It's the zombie movie. It's called zombie land. It's one of the best zombie movies ever. Yeah. And I bought it off deepdiscount.com right now.

541. Did you use it promo code? Yeah, I did. I just went to ridecast.com So I'm sorry my favorite movie and I clicked on it. Yeah, good. It's actually right next to romance It's the best one of the best movies ever ever made. I have I have a poster of that movie look at my background from the movie theater You're so cool. Sometimes it's fun to watch a movie when you're laying on a Casper mattress. No, no No, no, no, only movies sometimes let let me tell you this. So stop wasting your time

searching for something to watch on Netflix or on demand. Instead go to deepdiscount.com right now, Timothy. I am going to it. I'm on it. I'm on my phone. Find the movie you want to watch. Buy it if you're really, you know, really great. Buy it at a great price and have it forever, man, for reviewing, whenever you want. And they have special sales too, right now Tim. Did you guys know that girl? Wow, he is right at the top. They have a special sale right now.

Over 400 TV shows are on sale. I'm talking about complete series on DVD, Blu-ray, Staske and Hutch. Wow. Yeah, fuckable. Welcome back, Carter. Oh, no. Oh, oh, oh, oh. It's the cut. Wow. Yeah, fuckable. Welcome back, Carter. Oh, no. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

It's a cut. Wow. Great job. Wow. The left hand. Go on the tile. Oh, slither. Oh, slither.

Yeah. For sexy. Freaks and geeks, your pal, breaking bad, sons of anarchy, and so many more. That's why. Go see for yourself, Tim. There's a go there. Look for special coupon codes and sale icons and buy your favorites. A deep discount.com. You'll find great prices on new releases too. Out this week, Baywatch.

Hey, there it is right there. There it is right there. It's out this week. Zach Efron and I watched the movie first of all. Was a good. Bad. Well, I'd love to see it for myself after I get it from deep discount. I love you. Thank you, Katie for saving that. I did watch the movie. It had a great potential. The rock is hot.

I tell you, Zach Efron is fucking shredded. Yeah, I mean, I don't really like him. The girl on that fucking, the girl on that movie, the blonde, God damn it, I would fucking grab Don by the ankles and toss her out the front door. If that blonde said, I want to fuck you, I would literally grab her as she's holding Max. I've said it before, this deck rose. How beautiful.

Deep discount. I would fucking lie on top of my wife. Yeah. And she'd be like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah. You fucking that girl. You would use your fat to kill Dawn. I would use my fat, not to kill her,

but to hold her down. To subdue her. Sounds like the handmaid's tail. To subdue her. Can you get that on deep to scalp? The long running TV series hits the big screen with more hot bodies and smugglers. What oh, sorry, I read that wrong. The beach doing what life guards do best, bustin up drug smugglers, get your copy now on DVD

of Blu-ray Ultra HD for a really great price. DeepDiscount.com. I'll just click on the logo, encontrar mi rayacast.com, slash Robert Kelly. Supporte mis esponjos, gente. ¡Dueja! ¿Dos de ustedes han sido exportantes de estos, que me gustan ahí y te gustan el codo

para la raya cast. Te suporte mis esponjos, ser bien a tu itself, por favor, verlo cuando te quieres y te cheque. ¡Tienes un DeepDiscount! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, ¿Te quieres verlo? ¡Gracias, discón! Gracias a todos los niños que han sido aportados. disponibilidad consulta las condiciones I'm really excited. Yeah. Should be good. Um, and we also, uh, so but make sure you the premium members thank, thank you for joining and thank you for subscribing, uh, to the premium membership. A lot of fans come up on the road now and

they're like, do a premium member. I'm like, cool, because I put up a bunch of one on ones up there. I got Ari Shafir, the it, pre-me remember, I'm like, cool. Because I put up a bunch of one on ones up there. I got Ari Shafir, the hiking one. I got the one with Steve Byrne, which was actually really interesting. I got a Colin Quinn up there. I got Nick DePolo up there. Lot of cool one on one podcast.

And we have this other thing gonna happen soon from up at my house, which is gonna be amazing. So there you go. My wife just ordered something on Amazon. Fuck. You get a notification? She's not as bad as me. I'm you go. My wife just ordered something on Amazon. Fuck. You get a notification. She's not as bad as me. I'm fucking terrible.

I will have, I will have shit. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I have to cancel my prime, yeah. I have to because you hit a button. It's easy and then it shows up at your door and you don't have to think about it. You hit a fucking button and it's there in two days. They'll bring groceries to your door.

Right there. That's actually all right. I want to do that. I don't need to know the fucking wire case. I buy, I buy, I see something, I'm like, well, I need that and I don't. I don't fucking it. What's a wire case?

You know what? Thank you for being honest. Just letting me fucking say wire case. I need a question and I was like, seems like something you'd buy. I don't know. You know when you go on the road and you have your iPhone wire plug, your computer plug, and your other wires.

This is the case for all the wires. It's a little, little, little case. And you put your, all your stuff in it. So when you put it in your bag, it's kind of not all. I thought maybe when your case made out of wire, like a, some kind of decorative suitcase, something, you definitely need that. A wire case. Yeah. That sounds very useful. I bought five of them. I'm buying a supportive suitcase. You definitely need that. A wire case. Yeah, that sounds very useful. I bought five of them.

I'm buying one right now. So bougie, I've never had a wire case. What, you want one? Yeah. I'll get you one. Yeah, you can have one if you want. I'll get one if you want. What's that?

It's so bougie. I just throw them in my bag. Yeah, I like bougie. Bobby has a lot of diff. Bobby bougie. Bags. bougie Bobby. bougie Bobby. Yeah. Bobby has a lot of diff. Izy bags Boozy Bobby boozy Bobby yeah

Bobby has a lot of I Said you get an easy time. What are we gonna name it? I got boozy Bobby. I'm gonna go. I'm such a fucking fat Mario. Okay boozy Bobby I think Bobby is like Louis Vuitton luggage. I feel like he's that I mean yeah, listen, I know you don't but you would love I don't and I will fight that yeah But I do want it you're absolutely right. I don't, and I will fight that. Yeah, but I do want it. You're absolutely right. I feel like you're the guy. Everyone deep down once Louis.

Come on. Black Louis Vuitton luggage. I mean, come on. Gaster. Baba. You know who has it? Kevin Hart. I guarantee you.

He loves it. He loves it. He loves it. Someone's going to talk to him. I have a duffel bag. If this clock stuck in my pocket. I post his one-moat-time shirtless on the end of a bed. Like, like, like, there's a phantom fairy photographer

That's there when he wakes up in the morning It's not funny Who the fuck Kevin stop it Yeah, Kevin you better stop doing what you're doing stop me. So rich listen fuck you stop Fuck you dude listen fuck you I said let me do what I want I mean I With Hollywood my people do what I want let me Who's your people Hollywood? Oh, you're

My people are Hollywood Come in all right Tim really Tim that one click on the fuck How do you just become a minute? Tim, really Tim? That one? Click on the fuck. That's a little much. A fuck you, Tim. Stay with you people. That's a little much. Fat, hard.

Look at this. Look, really Tim? Who took the, who? What is a fuck you, Tim? It is a fuck. All right, listen, I didn't know he's doing it. But that watch though. But that watch.

He's modeling the watch. He's modeling the clothes. I've had a lot of requests to do similar photos He's thinking of Joe people have asked People have asked me to do similar photos Scroll down. What about that little person? This is funny. Yeah, there's a bit of stuff on him cheating on his wife That's what we got let's not get into that Ready why not no not there stop go over to the one praying. I want to see the praying one

I did that one. I you but I didn't talk about it Fucking look at that really you found himself. You know what you're doing you pray? You don't fucking let the world know you're praying Oh, that's not what I had wicker chairs. I would pray to God. Oh Yeah, if I had a little ton of luggage I just can I just can I just stop you for a second? It's retanned I'm so worried nobody Nobody has wicker nobody has wicker. It's not 72 oh Yeah, he's not Carly Simon. I love Carly My uncle was Carly Simon's tour manager. Oh boy. Fun fact. Yeah, go to the next one. It's like, what the fuck's going on?

What? Oh, can we watch their wedding video? Oh, sad. I love Kevin. He's fucking hilarious. I'm gonna pick. This is really not a great video. I wonder if their talk was good.

Oh, here it is. Oh, why is this so dramatic? Oh my god, this is like a fucking pro- This is like a murder mystery. Who killed Kevin Hart? I love that we both had a good one had a good one but you would just louder than me Why is she so much bigger than him because everybody's bigger than he's four two I think Kevin's brother. This is so dramatic. Yeah, this music is very

Oh, put it because life has stakes. Yeah, you have stakes. Who's kids are those? I think those are his kids. All right, I can't watch it. Guys, don't be racist. Who's kids are those? I can't be racist. Okay, right there. The bad one.

The bad one. Oh, God. Actually, that's kind of hot. Listen, it's pretty hot. Don't look at me. Always dick looks big. His dick is big. That's what that's what they're trying to say.

That's hilarious. That's what they're trying to show kids. That's what they hilarious that's what it's hilarious hilarious hilarious. I mean I All you all guy comics deal is talking about that dick. Tim is dick's big fucking. I mean his dick's there No, you were happy about it. I have course. I'm happy about why would you be happy about a big big dick? I don't know The way it's the wedding at least I'm into that There's the luggage. Oh, fuck. He's got a Louis bag. Yeah, but that's not the best.

He's got nine Louis bags. Yeah, that's not the impressive one. No, that's not the one time he grabbed my thigh in a club. I'm sorry, what did you say? One time he grabbed my thigh in a club. What do you try to do? When I first moved to LA.

Yeah, you made it to right choice to go with Lewis. The, uh, hey, hey, hey, come on. All right, what? She's gonna have a fucking podcast network when Lewis gets stabbed in the park. I know. You owe me money. Lewis is always getting into fights with people that I'm like, you could accidentally also get stabbed to death. No, he will.

Very easily here. I hope that I don't. I mean, me too, but he is constantly fighting with people. Yeah, I know stop fucking it's snorting at her all in the fucking Christ He drinks like 17 coffees. I know a lot of coffee he drinks death coffee like Whatever the fuck he gets quadruples at Starbucks twice a day and that's not adding all the coffees he makes at home If I have two coffees, I get a hard palpitation.

He's, yeah, his heart's gonna stop if he doesn't stop drinking coffee. All right, can we, I don't want, because I don't want this to be the podcast that everybody goes back to and read it. She said it, she killed him. Oh, all right. I like that pose right here.

It's doing yoga pose right there. It makes me believe in myself, because I see him doing yoga pose in his malleable home or wherever he is. And I say to myself, you know, it's a matter of time before I can afford a one bedroom. I was just, here's my dream. I would just like to get on a, I would like a show to go and have it be like on a network or, you know, effects or HBO. Just have the show. And then I would like to give Tim a spot on that show. Well, I appreciate that. Jess, are you stopping such an annoying content?

I, listen, I would like, I like old-ass kissing Tim, not fucking. I don't like fucking, you're trying to step on other people to get to Kevin Hart. Listen, listen, if you have a show, If you don't say, Kevin Hart is a fucking house all right now for his- Kevin's a friend of mine, listen, I'm friends with a lot of people at comedy. You're coming. Our friends with a lot of people at comedy, Bobby.

Kevin's a friend of mine, we're all colleagues, we're all comics. You have his number? I'll take it out right now. We text each other all the time. You text each other all the time? He has the text I sent him this morning. Yo, what up, Kevin and he texted me back.

Tim, you were one of the great ones. It's a matter of time. Stop doing that fat fucks podcast. You're the only one who's funny on it. I swear to God, I don't know what. Do you have a second? They're not funny. This was Kevin Hart said. Can I have a heart, love is a main. I don't know. You want me to read what he said to me? Yeah. Kevin Hart squeezed my five. You ready? You made a big choice. I'm ready gone over that. You made a horrible choice. You're absolutely right. We're doing fake text messages.

He actually squeezed your thought. I don't know. Why'd you let him get away? I was in LA at this warehouse after party. Shug Knight was there for some reason. I'm like, comedy's very interesting. This is like four years ago. And I was walking to the bathroom and I felt someone

give me one of these on my thigh. I'm an upper thigh. So it was a white guy party. I know who did that to me. The situation. From a Jersey show. Wow, that took a turn. I saw him at the baseball diamonds and then I saw Kevin Hart.

And that's it. He just grabbed me. Yeah, but what were you wearing? Oh, definitely something slutty. For sure. Kevin Hart. And that's it. And that's it. And that was it. He does grab me. So you're in 100%. Yeah, but what were you wearing? Oh, definitely something slutty. For sure. If I'm at a warehouse at 4 a.m. I was trying to get fucked.

Really? Probably. Oh my God. You're fucking honest. These almost fucking mind shattering. It's too much. No, it's not too much. It's just shocking.

You hear a girl go, are you uncomfortable with a woman owning her sexuality? I love it. Yeah, it's great. It's just shocking. You hear a girl go, are you uncomfortable with a woman owning her sexuality? I love it. Yeah, it's great. It's just shocking. It's very sad. It's very sad. You think it's sad? No, I just think it's very sad that you're not progressive and you're not embracing women. And I just want to say, yes, all women. He's a co-writer for my blog.

I just want to say that to everyone of the whole Broad City staff, I'm a huge fan. And I'm around. And you can get me on social media And I'll come on down and come in the show. Thank you. We not have him on Probably the On television Pieces shit. Well, I'd like to show with a woman in the center. I'd like a woman I want a fat woman that I can argue with I'd like a woman I want a fat woman that I can argue with

17 Attoptic Kevin Hart and said we weren't funny Kevin Hart said that about all of you. No, I didn't say that You wrote that scene. Well, I'm not gonna tell the writer of that. I'm not telling a black. I had a feel No, no as a white person. I will not tell black person had a feel resist You're allowed yes all women resist. Thank you. I think it's great that you You think I'm trying to get fucked probably that's crazy. You should have fuck heaven hard You should fuck celebrities and how I should have fucked the situation. You should have fuck every celebrity No, you should have fuck yeah, he has her piece. I bet he for sure Please don't take advice from this client. I tried to fuck Polly David.

Please don't do that. Polly, he messaged me. All of these great looking. You should have fucking. I know. Oh, he's hot. He's a good looking guy, but. He's really hot.

I took an improv class with Vinnie. See, Vinnie's the one I'd want to fuck. Yeah, Vinnie's a crack. Vinnie's the one. He's like a comic. He gets it from everybody now. He gets it from Vinnie. Vinnie on here.

He just comes. Yeah. He does comedy. Vinnie. Vinnie. He's, he does Come any First of all, oh, you my my fucking head almost imploded you four broads just going Vinnie. Oh my god Who's Vinnie? Who's Vinnie? I don't know who Vinnie is he was the guy on the Jersey show who never watched I didn't oh my god. Yeah, sorry. I did not watch it. No, it would have been sad if you did it was sad when I watch it. He gets up Sometimes oh Vinnie he does comedy like they booking the governors. I think he's done the kumi

Is it can we turn on us get his comedy on you? I wonder if it's funny because he has a pretty funny personality. Yeah, it's not Custom comedy great. It's never like that. She wrote C it's you So you are done, you know, sometimes you Make see a meal on Sunday and you eat it and it's it's a lot of food because we're Italian Why can I stop for a second? I was like god I'm fucking pissed why are you why you give me shot? I'm sorry I'm sorry, but I know what I'm the time Ever go to the gym and then when you're there is sometimes you're almost like I'm sorry, Bob. I'm not getting a shot. You know what? He's a Italian. Why are you here? Of course.

If he was in the other race, I would go to the gym and then when you did, sometimes you're almost like, am I gay and then you're not? I'm not getting a shot. You're right. I'm not getting a shot. You're right.

You're right. Because he's a white Italian, you got to throw him on the bus already. I'm sick of listening to white men. I think we should elevate women and people of color. Thank you. Hahaha. When I say it, it sounds more racist. When I say liberal liberal things there should be a YouTube of me saying liberal things

It sounds more racist because you're saying them sarcastically. I know that I know that you chao chita Shout up your whore All right, here we go. Here we go louder louder louder louder. He's got them comedy lie Already a bum Someone you can't just say that was a rehearsed mirror Thank you fuck his hand. Dad, bye. Let's get him a shot.

You know it's bad with it in the intro. I'm just watching with leather sleeves, though. I'm into it. Yeah. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Let's get him a shot. Yeah. I will be your host tonight.

My name is Vinny Guadagnino. Anybody who doesn't know me, I was on a very popular reality show called The Jersey Shore. That, a couple of you have seen it. I have stopped two people. He's talking like two people, two people, two people. Two people went, whoa. You know, he thought,

everybody has seen it. You two people were like, you knew he thought that was gonna get more. His set's gonna be 30 seconds short now, because he thought that was gonna be a positive. He thought that was gonna get more. Oh his sets gonna be 30 seconds short now He thought that was gonna get more for sure hold for applause. That means I get a list recognition with zealist respect done Bye wait wait wait Thanks for coming There's no way this turns around into a prior

I'm like oh my god look it's Vinnie from Jersey Shore. I'm like up this premise. Let's get a shot. I'm like, oh my god, look, it's Vinnie from Jersey Shore. I'm like, hey, what's up? Stop. Stop. He's literally moving spots. So the one guy is over here. And then he steps to the right and becomes the other guy like it's 1998. Isn't that how you do an act out? That's the act out in the movie punchline. Here's the other thing. His whole premise is that people recognize him and nobody in a fucking thing afforded for a show. He's like, you all know Jersey Shore, I was like, no, and he's like, well, all right, my first bit.

People recognize me all the time. And I love you, Faggot. Whoa! Stop it, you guys are so good. No, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, hold on. That just came out of nowhere nowhere nothing to do with the joke

It's just how I feel I like it. He's a dude. Yeah, I just feel like that's good comedy. He's a real-our-stu We see pages got lucky. He's good too. Everyone's good. I bet he's a little bit of a loser's whole thing We're all good. She's got lucky. That's all we're all good. I'm a comedian your community She's not a comedian. He's just that lucky. It's just luck. Louis was in the right place at the right time, 25 times. That's it. He just walked into a theater and people wanted to go. That's the whole thing.

Anybody could get lucky. Fogusing on joke riding into craft is stupid. I mean, you sound. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. It is. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Right place, right time. Can we prove the meaning of the best of the best? Louis got lucky, 20 times. It's right place, right time. Can we put the video? We got like 20 times. It's right place right time. Can we do it if I get mother fucker? That was actually not a horrible joke. The fucking figure was actually not the worst joke.

Oh shit, go ahead. Good talk. You know, being on a reality show is crazy. I can't even get a compliment without being insulted. People come up to me all the time and they're like, Vinny, you were the smartest person on Jersey Shore. Oh.

Fuck you too. That was, stop one second. That had to be written for him. But that's good. That's good. That's the show. That was so bad it sounds not written. Yeah, you for him. That's not him. That's the show. That was so bad. It sounds not written.

Yeah, it's very subtle. That was subtle. I mean, there's no way. It was a subtle joke. That was a subtle joke. That was a subtle joke. That was a subtle joke. That was a small, as kind of Jersey show.

You know, that's not that bad. I think probably somebody was like helping him. He probably had like a coach or something who was like, it's a little one note. Let's see when he moves off Jersey Shore. I'm waiting for that. You think that's happened. Thanks.

Let's have them. People give to each other. I got to get Pixar a father talking to his son. Like listen, Joey, we're not going to put you on the A-Division basketball team because you're not going to get any playing time. But if we put you on the C-Division, you'd be a star. It'll be like being the smartest person on the Jersey Shore. No, Bobby.

Bobby, you got to jump shit Shore. No, Bobby. Stop. Bobby, you got to jump shit now. No, we can't jump shit because I wrote it for him. It would be better. I needed to hurt more. Either way, it's gonna hurt more because the first, I think that fucking Faggot's the strongest line he's got. This is a funeral.

We were all looking forward to it. Yeah, this is a funeral. I don't buzzword. There has to be one joke that we all are like, you know, besides the fucking Faggot. I want to be one joke that we all are like, you know, besides the fucking thing. I wanna believe in her. Hang on a second. Let's see, let's just, I say we go one more

and see if we, listen. I say we cut to the middle a little. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no He's he's he's really a minute and 32 in you can tell he rehearsed it because he's Yeah, his breath is off he doesn't have a really not good. He keeps he keeps breathing wrong God saying all the words to keep thinking reverses it as mother's well He didn't rehearse it he rehearsed it in front of people and now that he's on stage and people aren't laughing where they usually He's breathing fucked up good Thank you. Yeah. A pause break.

Are you fucking kidding me? Well, this is what they're told to do this. It's a sad life being a reality star, OK? Like, reality star is the greatest celebrity. It's a great thing. Where you don't want to hear any news about us unless it's bad news, all right? You can admit it.

I do it too. Like, I don't want to read an article that says, Kim Kardashian loses 75 pounds post pregnancy. I want to read an article that says Kim Kardashian loses 75 pounds post pregnancy. I want to read an article that says Kim Kardashian ate her baby. Like that'll make me feel good. Did you guys see Kim Kardashian just got a new pictures leaked? You see that? Listen, I am over Kim Kardashian after seeing these new pictures. Like a robot. She has huge air feelings. Okay. Get those disgusting but she has huge, how functioning. Okay. Get those disgusting things away from me, you freak.

For those of you not laughing, not even like circle around the middle of the pool. Not my, my, brother. I know you got some national geographic ones. He's not even having any fun. First of all, I'm dumping that joke out of my act. Yeah, because I'm not fucking using that anymore. Yeah, well, he not fucking using that anymore.

Yeah, well, he looks still fit. He's not having any fun. This is not. He's this is not. He is hot. Yeah, he looks good. He looks okay. So you after the set, he walks up and he goes,

Hey, what's happening? I love you. Oh, he's perfect because he's not a real comic. Well, I I met him. We chatted when we took the improv class. Yeah, but then he also was talking about how he had like a girl come see him And he had to like send her to a hotel then I was like oh he's trash He was gonna be I

Really like the show I knew The only thing I would save this If he had a massive breakdown and started talking about 9-11 like that would say if he was like, it doesn't make sense. It's good, you know, like building seven, they fucking, they're killing us, the government's killing us. Like that would mean, because then at least people could leave

and be like, oh, Vinny from Jersey Shore. Had a man that. Went nuts about building seven, it got them. Like, oh, that's a good night. Like that's a great night. Yeah. All right, let's go. What like that's a great night. Yeah, all right Let's go one what can we do one? Yeah, I will keep doing this. We can do anything else True true speaking

Stars in trouble. I got to say I got to talk about it. Hey stop Oh, is this Chris Goblers? No! Wow! Wow! Close your eyes. Everybody create the button. Close your eyes. Close today.

But someone from my show, Mike, the situation, is facing indictment for tax fraud charges up to $9 million. Okay? $9 million. He can be going away for a long time. He could be paying a penalty. Now the first thing I did when I heard that news is, I called my accountant and I was like,

yeah, are we good? Hang on, stop. Wait a second. Hang on, his phone is still here. Wow. Are we good? Did that see Larry? And we see we good.

He's holding one of the original cell phones. But this proves that you audience is laughing at this. This proves how garbage people are. Like this really proves that people are human garbage who don't deserve to be injured. Can I say one? To be honest with you. I disagree.

You're also very serious. I'm glad. I'm glad. Let me just say, don't, before you turn to me, let me just turn to do myself. You might agree with me. You are turning on me, because you're attitude. I have a little bit.

I'm just saying, let me just, I don't think that garbage people, I think that they're just cattle. Okay, you're right. I think that they're probably such good people and dumb that they're like, they're just cattle. Most people I fucking cattle. I would agree with you. And that they're like, they're just cattle. Most people I would fucking cattle. I would agree with you. And that they're laughing at this shit because they don't want to be mean or real. They just want wrong. They don't want to

be. Yeah, so they're just, I don't want to be ready. I mean, this is bad. This is like, but this is on TV. But the first guys that have been working fucking 10 years, 20 or 30 30 I know guys in Boston that haven't done this show. Well that's it. Yeah, but yeah, what do you think he knows like that? I'm there. Anybody Twitter followers. Twitter followers, bro. If you can feel seeds, you're going to get booked out. Listen, I'm not saying don't give the guy a chance, but I'm like, there's something to me about audiences that are laughing at these jokes that are kind of getting extra good. they're on board for this whole thing.

And it's like, how pathetic are you as a human being that you're excited about like this? Like this reality star breaking down the world in this way, like this excites you. You are a waste of, this might be his whole family and friends there though. I don't care. He knows somebody though.

He knows somebody because those jokes are not somebody who like learn joke writing organically. Those are jokes, or someone was like, okay, let me see how I can help. This was a structure. These are I'm trying to. This isn't new guy jokes. You know those little booklets where you like adverbs and now that's exactly a medleps. Yeah, he did that with. There's no point. Call it a point of you. He calls me once a day. Yeah. Reading out of a joke book. Yeah.

To me like it's conversation. It's the most infuriating. I, I, I, I, it's the most infuriating fucking thing that happened. That's so funny though. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, he's like, hey buddy, I'm like, what's up? He's like, you know, and he starts reading out of the book like it's conversation. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm like, what did you, it doesn't hit me, I forget that he does it. And I'm like, what the fuck was that?

And he goes, yeah, you're so, you know, whatever the jokes are. I burned them out of my memory. But that's what he, he's got, these are written jokes from somebody else. Yeah. Look at that eyebrow. Let's see how big the phone, if he might shrink it. Get out the window and shit.

No, I'm like, I didn't mean it for me. I got pretty ass eyebrows, okay. Oh, we got pretty ass eyebrows. He ain't alive. He's gonna eat him alive. Right there. Yeah, that's a lot for the cleaning.

No, but seriously, on a serious snow, it's like, it's like, sad. No, not, I'm sorry. I knew it was when you just wake up one day and you get a call and you hear that someone from your reality show made $9 million.

What the fuck am I doing wrong? Yes. Let me tell you something, people. It does nothing for you financially, being the smartest person on the Jersey Shore. Okay? His forehead's crooked. Nothing.

What do you mean? Look at this eyebrow, it's a crooked. These people are gonna tell their friends. I saw Vinnie do comedy. God, like people, like what is the point of people? What is the point of people watching? I get the weird requests. Last year, when I was famous, I got a weird request.

You can laugh, it's okay. I've accepted it, it's over, you can laugh. Now, seriously, last year I got this weird request from a fan. My agent called me one day and he was like, Vinny, some woman wants to know how much it's going to cost for you to walk her down the aisle at her wedding because you remind her of her dead father.

10 grand. So we gave her a price. Oh my god. You know they did, though. I'm a whore. You know they did, though. I'm a whore. You know they did. Crazy price, too, because I really didn't want to do that.

And she said yes. She said yes. I want to know what that conversation was like. Okay, so we're not going to do the buffet because we've got to get Vinny $50,000. Step back. Step back. I also want to know at what point did she have this moment of clarity that I reminded her of her father? When she's sitting there watching season two,

Jersey Shore Miami, I come up with the two beats from like giving his credits. I'm a girl studying for finals. I want girl studying for dick. Oh, that face. He really works in that even saw the Jersey Shore. I'm turned on. I would love it's a phabotal corona hit him in the face.

Like hard, you know what I mean He's just bleeding. He's like my eyes Like that would be like a great end to this set how funny would he if he he has like a tour coming up and he wants Tim to Fucking open I will immediately I will immediately I will immediately and I'll be like you know what's great about you Is that You're really translate on stage a lot of people don't I wrote this joke to you. It's about 9.11 I don't want to try it. It's about it's about building seven these things. He's like call me. Yeah, no I would I would listen. I mean, what what is he gonna say though?

That's why he should not be doing comedy. He's gotta have some other life experiences other than one time being on a reality Nobody wants to hear that after they've seen you only on a reality. I know that's why you don't do this. It's like, yeah, it's fucked up. That's why you don't do it. If you talk about it, it's bad and if you don't, it's... It would be hilarious if he got on into like a Gary Goldman-esque brilliantly construction of the world.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like if he did something like that, I was almost... But like the fact that like every single joke is like, you want to... It's kind of like... He was on Jersey shore for a reason in the first place. So yeah, I should have been on Jersey shore. I would have fucking killed. I hope they do. I hope to do part two and you do get on. Yeah. And you become way more famous than Dave. I know you see Dave in a honeywagon just waiting for Lauren with her with all her fucking Louis Vuitton bags I think they are talking about rebooting it really. I should try out snooki skinny now. I know she got like three kids

Do her deep who got fat? her what? Deep who I heard people put on some way the fuck Deep who all that guy from your thing you mean that guy. Oh, you're your your tech guy What happened to him? I don't know. I already got chubby Nothing makes me happier when somebody who is thin Bobby said I'm gonna get people whale when's I married you? Oh It would make me so happy if you get fat. Why?

I know just make me happy. I like when people get fat. Ah, I do me and Dave will never I want to lose no way to where I can eat a lot and then not just get normal. You can, you have a brain disorder probably. You want to be like after brain disorder? No, no, no, I'm like, I know I'm not big, but I don't eat like anything. Do you have, have you ever been big? Yeah. How big?

Well, I lost like 37 pounds after college for my leg. Wow, you're a little tubby. Yeah, I was fat piece shit What was your what were you eating? Like alcohol. Yeah, a lot of alcohol and late-night food in that college. She fucking yeah Chicken fingers come from like a Puerto Rican family makes a lot of food like yeah, dude. They're all I'm the fattest I've ever been Puerto Rican food's a good Ever been literally a feather. I'm the thinnest I've ever been.

Dave starves me. I think you're both overweight. You know, quite frankly, I think Vinny's your bad comment. But yeah, my goal is to go underweight, like severely underweight, so then I can have like a good month of just like, binging, and not even stressing. Yeah, I didn't just being a couple of years. Isn't it? A lot of pressure in Hollywood, being a woman in Hollywood, walking around, looking at other years. Isn't it a lot of pressure in Hollywood, being a woman in Hollywood, walking around,

looking at other women. Isn't that a lot of pressure? I've never felt any... I've never felt any... There's a lot of pressure. That's all I hear about is them. Yeah, that's right. I've never felt any pressure except for

from other women who are thin. Is that still a, does that still exist? I don't think it's that. That was a lot of shit back in the, you know, back in the day and traveled into maybe the 60, 70s and 80s. And now though, I go on additions all the time, I almost got one yesterday, I was so sad. I thought, yeah, I was in the room.

I literally was waiting for the call that I got this part. I knew I nailed it. And it didn't come and I called today and they were like, you didn't get it. I was like, it was like the director was talking to me about the scene. What were you with? The actor. Was it a movie or a TV show? TV show. But a guest starring role in the arc. It would have been fucking epic. That's great, man. It would have been epic. That I mean, literally, yeah, I can see. Do this and try.

Okay, I had to do all this extra. Try this, you know, when they start doing that. Yeah. I like that. You guys would be good together and they start like doing, you can see, and I was like, They start dreaming with you about the show. I'm like, this is, this is going to,

and then I got home and I was like, oh, shit. This is, and then today, who got it, Vinnie? What did you do? What would you do? Well, Vanny? What did you do? Well, what happens? I did go out in the hallway and there was some famous actors, New York actors. Um, you could say, Bobby. No, no, no, no, you know them. I'm not good with this stuff.

You know them if you saw them, like the guy from Spic City, New York actors. Yeah, like guys, you know, that's that guy, that fucking, yeah, you know, but I was I know they know who you are for like comedy shit. One of them did. Yeah, one of them was like, Hey man, what's up? And I was like, what's up? And we talked a little bit and then I like he's probably gonna be on it by the way, yeah, but Yeah, I mean, wait is the fucking I mean with me wait as a problem, you know, with some of this stuff. Yeah, it's weird. I problem, you know, with some of this stuff. Yeah, it's weird. I, it's, additions to the weirdest thing in the world, man. They're the weirdest fucking thing in the world.

It's actually so weird. And I know a lot of my friends are really good at them and like, Aism, I just, there, it's so, I feel like it's an awful, it's a muscle. If you're, if you're a great, like, if you're a good comic and shit, like, I feel like it's like it, you have to really work to be an actor. You have to work. The thing that I've learned is that the audition thing is its own thing.

Right. If it's own thing completely separate than acting. Yeah. You have to learn how to be on tape, where are the cameras, where are the persons you're reading, how many people are in the scene, pick spots in the wall, where you're gonna, that's that guy, that's that person, there's the reader, you have to, how big is the room, can I walk around, am I sitting in my standing, you have to make those choices before you

go in, and then you walk into a room with famous directors and people and high-end shit, and now, okay, how was your day, blahababla, you have to do that shit. They're checking your Twitter too. You walk in, they're looking at their phones. I remember I went in for a big audition. They were all on the phones, I go, what are you guys doing? Am I boring that much?

They went, no, we're just checking your Twitter. Why, oh yeah. Yeah, they wanna see what you tweeted. They wanna know. Do you wanna see how many followers you have? They wanna see the followers I want to see if you like KKK No joke they want to see how many followers you have what you said what you they'll scroll through your feed and be like

I was like oh that was scary. That's fucking petrifying on that high level and then you get it They don't want a controversy for no reason you have to fucking and then they go okay action That's your five minutes ten ten minutes, whatever it is. And you have to, with that one, it's just, you forget that it's just you and that person who, over that lady, or dude is, and it's just you two and the fake other dots on the wall. And then you have to, you have to do that shit

and make your choices and stick to it and know the room. And then, you know, that's a whole muscle. If you don't do that all the time, when you go in there, you're gonna, you're gonna forget that, oh shit, you're gonna look there and there. When you're supposed to be talking to one person, you'll be over there.

So when they're watching that tape later, your eye line is all over. That in the line is so good. You can see it. Not to mention the nerves. You know, it's like another thing. You get nervous all over again. I get nervous every time I go into a room for that.

That shit's next. That's like doing karaoke for me. Yeah. Because it's not acting. Getting the gig, standing across from somebody famous, acting is easy. It's easier because you got somebody takes, you're with somebody else, you're actually doing it.

When you're doing that room thing, you're working with somebody who's not an actor usually and they're just reading the lines. Yeah, they're like, oh hi, what did you get from this? So when did you do that? Yeah, it's true, it's like there's no, the connection has to be made on your end. You have to fucking force that ass,

sometimes I just stare at him and I don't blink. What's even worse is when you gotta do like a self tape, you go to like your agent's office and they just put those in the best. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. You can do as many as you want. Yeah, I take it.

I have it in my off, that shed in my house. I have the Meevo camera and I set it up. Or I do it on my iPhone. I'll do it right on my, I've booked so much shit off my iPhone. Do it on my iPhone. I'll do it as, I'll do it until I get it. Yeah. I've I get it.

Yeah, I've actually edited it. Like I did one half good and the other half, and I was like, fuck it, and I put them together. And I did a quick edit with no transition, so it looked like the same fucking scene. Yeah, and I put it together. I loved the fact that you can do it on your iPhone. Yeah, that's a bad one.

The only thing you need to do on an iPhone, you have to get a mic. You can't use the mic. Yeah, that's a bad one. The only thing you need to do on an iPhone, you have to get a mic. You can't use the mic. No, they're mic is shitty. It's sound. So when they watch it on the TV, it looks great. If it sounds like shit, they're disconnected. But if your sound is awesome,

if the sound is like this right here, like when you start to see, what do you mean you can't fucking do that? And it's gonna pop out like a TV show, like they're watching it. And helps and it helps you need you need to buy a good microphone that's it to to self tape self tapings to shit because you get to choose you get to go what do you think of this one and be like oh I'll show my wife that one's good great and I'll watch you like I agree and then send it right out from your phone, fuck that, that's insane.

I've done harder to audition or harder to act. It's harder to go to a fucking room and Chelsea peers and walk into a room with a bunch of real actors, like people who, I mean, just solid, hardworking, acting all the time. New York fucking actors. Yeah. I do a lot of non-union auditions

and those people are freaks. They're like, hi, where did you get your haircut? I hate the city. People talk to me. A lot of times when I go into an audition, it's mean like the same guys that would be me, like Sean Donnelly, it's the same type of guy. And like we just go in and like we will read like a line.

It's the same line and it'll be something ridiculous. It's like, Hey, what do you mean? And then they're like, you feel good about that? I'm like, I don't know. Like, maybe do it again slower. And I'm like, Hey, what do you mean? And they're like, all right. And then like, don't really be like, Hey, what do you mean? And then he gets out and then we go have a chicken sandwich. And no one gets it. Yeah. Always an actor. You know who books it? Always in that, you know, I go to do a lot of comics, always an actor books it. Because I told the story a million times on the show,

but it's when Seinfeld was booking Seinfeld. And this is one of those stories that could be true or not, but it's still a great story. Yeah. He could tell who the comics were on the waiting room, because the actors were reading their lines, rehearsing and this could be, they had the, like this could be my big shot.

Right. And the comics were sitting there like this is fucking up my whole afternoon. Dude, that's exactly how I am when I go into auditions. People come up and they'll be like do you want to run lines together? And I'm like, I prefer not to just speak at all until I get in there.

I'm like a kind to like, I'm like, don't talk to me. They're so happy. They have like that little improv thing to them. Like, it could be, it could be, yeah, I was in there. I'm like a kind to like, I'm like, don't talk to me. They're so happy. They have like that little improv thing to them. Like, it could be, it could be, yeah, I was in this audition yesterday and thank God it was a bunch of different artists. I hate when it's for one role and it's just a bunch of you guys. You know what I mean? Like you said, yeah.

Yeah. And, but this one was a bunch of actors and I, I don't give, that was one of the things that I had to get over. When I'm in the thing, I don't care if there's 14 people around me, I'm picking a spot on the wall and I'm doing my lines. I'm fucking, and I don't, I don't, I don't loud, but I'm like, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna fucking, I do that. Because that number one gets me over my fear of, fuck, I don't care what you think of me right here, fuck off Yeah, this is my job. Yeah, I got to warm up This is my fucking job. I need to go in there. You have a good nervous it like somebody sitting next to you

Like that guy sucks. Don't I don't give a fuck look at I care No, I don't give a fuck Wouldn't be funny one of the like a young kid turned around said that dude. They were like bro the young kid turned around and said that to you, they were like, bro, you are. I love it, but it's proven. It's proven if you run through your lines before you go in, you do so much better than if you're just riding the train going there,

never speaking and then you go in. You have to. You have to. You should in the room have your paper and you should pick a spot and you should be mouling their lines like, I'm not gonna do that. You should do that and you should be milding their lines. I'm not going to do that. You should do that. That's great asking.

See, it's working. But you should do that because it does. It gets you over the fear of people and doing weird shit in front of an actor when I was a kid. Let me tell you why it's easier when you're a child actor. Listen, Tim Dillon Comedy got some photos up. Here's why it's easy when you're a kid because you have homework when you're a kid and you get the idea

of homework. The concept of fucking homework, like, oh, here's this shitty thing I don't want, I don't have homework now. Like, the idea of like, they do like fucking homework. No, I'm working at a comedy club and I'm right at like, the idea of like homework is like when I was a kid, it was like, oh, okay, go home, learn the the idea of like homework. Yeah, he's like when I was a kid was like, oh, okay Go home learn the lines and shit like that my my sinuses a fucking jacked right now

No, but I understand I understand that's why it's more regimented when you're a kid We you we have too much free time you're an adult. Yeah, it's hard to manage time And I wasn't a daughter like I don't want to spend my free time I get that's why when I get the, like this was like nine pages of shit. I was like, okay, I know how much, I have an app called rehearsal. That's on my iPad that rehearses with me. I do the other person's voice

and it will spaghetti read with you. Wow. So what happens is is, you heard it, I heard it here first, Kutes. What's that? You heard it here first. Thanks.'s that? You heard it here first. Thanks. And there's too many ages.

Dave should dump you for that one. No. Okay, bye. Yeah, it reads with you, but you cannot. So I stand at my iPad right there. And when I record myself, it does the voice for me too. So it's like somebody else is in the room. Right. So I can record myself, it does the voice for me too. So it's like somebody else is in the room. Right.

So I can record myself live. And then I spaghetti, reach, spaghetti, you have to learn how to fucking do it. You gotta learn. You have to hit the lines first and then you have to go back in and make all these little things that you're gonna do. You gotta really learn.

Yeah, you have to do that work. But I gotta down to it. And it's also I think me and you need to lose like 50 pounds because then we could play fat on TV. Like we can't play fat on TV. We're not fat on TV right now. We're fat.

We're fat. We're fat in a car. We're fat in a bar. Buddy. But we're not fat. We're not TV fat. We're gonna lose weight. Tom DeLowee's who starred in a movie called Fatso.

I know. Is skinnier than us. That's not. But he had operations, Bob. Bring him up. Bring him. No, he didn't. When he was on the movie FATSO, he was not. No, he was not.

He looks like he's not fat in the movie FATSO. I'm looking at me and you. This is Cutsucker. It was 30 pounds right now. If Dom Delewese is not as fat as us in the movie FATSO, we're going to get operations right after this show. We're going to fucking get operations. This was fat for the Oh my god. Wow. He looks great guys. Yeah, you're right. That was probably

Fabulous though. That's 1980s. Scroll down to that one right there Anyone on the other to the left, but now right there right there. That's the movie fat. So look at him He's not fat. Who will chef Paul Prudown. Chef Paul Prudown. Oh, you're screaming, sorry. Oh my gosh. He loves chefs. This is the type of fat we are. Look at Paul Prudown.

Is that him? No, go to Paul Prudown. This is the type of fat we are now. This is hilarious. Oh my god, I can't read that. Right on there. Who's this chef that I've never heard of? Is that him?

That guy's thin, also. Is that Dom Deleuise, right? No, who is that? This is Chef Paul Frurode. He looks just like Dom Deleuise. He's cute. He's cute. Oh, he's like that.

He's fat. He's such a small head for a fact guy. When you're a fat and you have a cane. He's a fat body and a knee and a head. I saw people up all, he can sun there on the jazzy's driving around. Like the motor scooters. Does he only wear white?

He's like his famous New Orleans ship. His hips are grossing me out. But he lost all the weight. He did. He had an operation. I don't like his head. Operation. What are you fucking? Alright, shit. Pick a polo shirt.

Alright. He's a shot. I am. Yeah, dude. We're not. There is a Hollywood fat. There's a TV fat. I know.

And we're we're yeah. We're past it. I went to an audition recently. I don't like the, you throw me in with you, but yeah. No, I mean, you don't have hair. You don't have hair. But am I, am I 10th? You don't have hair. Yes, we're the same fat.

I got to. Lauren, you said I'm not. We are. Lauren said I'm not. How about you guys both say you're way at the same time? Yeah. Lauren, yes. Two.

What about you? I'm not having two 90. No, I'm two now. We're the exact same way. Two 90? I'm like two 93. We're the same. I guarantee you. Lauren, to what up my 10, I have to 90. No, I'm too not. I'm with the exact same way. 290. I'm like 2 93 with the same. I guarantee you. I want to personal assistant. Of course, you're going to agree with you. I would say you guys are my personal assistant. What the show? Oh, she's she's she's show. I show pretty. Uh, Christy show. Chip show. All right. I apologize. She's a media mogul. But the point is that I'm a more podcast than Lewis I think Oh, I can't get tired away. Don't get nuts. I know

Lewis is a tattoo. Yeah, I can't just start to stand up. This is from Lewis. Don't talk about my man like that. You stupid bitch. My man be on like every podcast. He knows what he's freaking doing. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my god. He's on network. Don't talk shit about him. I was gonna say green go bitch. I was gonna say his lucky Lewis. Oh my god That's great. Do you do that fam? I was in a while. You guys are you do that with you fuck do you what that's me? Lucky Lewis you guys talk Spanish. Oh, there's a sock. So it is one of the things I did shit auditioning sock Because it's its own thing. Yeah. You think that you would come in.

Now look man, people know me too when I went, though, hey Robert, it's weird because they know me. And I'm like, oh shit. You think it's because they read your name on the sign up? No, because they know me from Louis. Okay, you know what I mean? You know when somebody knows you. Yeah, yeah, okay.

You know what I mean? And my self-esteem was like, huh, how do you know? That's cool. They know you, yeah. But still, it does help, but it's still, you still never know. That whole thing is if you can just do it as much as you can, I go in for shit auditions sometimes,

like things I'll never take. Just to get good. Because that's even better because I'll go in and just not be here. I booked a thing on long order, two things. One, I had this stupid hat, I mean, that ridiculous hat. Yeah, I shouldn't ever warn it, and I had it, and. I mean, that ridiculous hat. I shouldn't ever warn it.

And I had it. And I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna wear it in there. Because it will get me over the fear of this shit. Like being ridiculous, we'll be like, I have fuck it. I don't give a fuck. And I booked it. And they made me bring the hat. And I wore it in the episode. And another one, I remember I went in at had a booger and I took the booger,

I rolled it, flicked it and I booked it. Wow, they loved that kind of stuff because they remember you. Well, it's just that they were like, it made, it freed me up to not give a fuck, not to say picking those and roll a booger. But they do it my next audition. But it made me not give a fuck about this.

I had a bugger and I fucking, I was, whatever. It's like being able to work out at a club and not worrying about the club not booking you again. It's like you do better when you can do the natural stand-up. Yeah, it's true. Right, well, you can just go up and do your thing. And not worry about it. I gotta care if I bomb here.

I know they'll book me again. Auditioning is a motherfucker, man. And people do it at the biggest levels. Yeah, you know, that, that, and people, I love people who say, offer only, but they're not there. And they just never see a man, they never get it. You know, auditioning is a fucker. It's very few people that can do offer only. What's that?

That means they should have to offer you the part. I've done it. Yeah, I've done it a couple of times. They just offer you without- Yeah, there's like Merrill Street Can you get a mirror street can go? I'm not really interested you Robert, you need I can do that I'm not reading for your shit off from the party down Well, they don't they don't even say that they just get off of the part right they don't did that what I'm saying is like I've done offer only where like on certain shows where they know me already

Because I've auditioned before and they they want to give me a part with a no me already because I've auditioned before and they they want to give me a part. But I keep it's like look just give me the part or I'm passing. Yeah. Because you know you know what I can do. Don't fuck around. You know me. I don't really need to come in go to Queens again and do this. You've seen me twice three times. You like me. You know what I can do. Right. And they could just literally say yeah we'll give it to them. It's almost like trust me at this point. You know what I can do. And they could just literally say, yeah, we'll give it to them. It's almost like trust me at this point. You know, I can, you like me on this show, you like me on that show. Yeah, me come in.

I can do this. You know, I can. Right, right. Because it is a look bit. If you hire somebody that fucking stinks, you're fucked. I mean, you lose thousands of fucking dollars. Do you, can you, can you book someone and then like, unbook them?

Like, no. Once you say, oh, you can. Oh, yeah. Dude, I know. That's my biggest fear is being like, I got it. Even when they show sorry. And they're like, never mind, girl.

It was a day and got fired at a table read. Really? Got the gig. Tell me the story. Got the gig. The director got fired. The new director came in and said, he's gone. Wow. She's a real. I think Quinn got in and said he's gone. Wow.

She's a queen got fired at a table read too. Wow. That's a time. Yeah. Yeah. You get fired. You get those people that get fired a lot. You get, especially that table reads a motherfucker.

That's stressful. Yeah. I mean, because you got to, you know, go, those table reads stress me. You go through, you off your phone there, fatty. I just got an email. Yeah. Good. Fucking check it later. We're almost wrapping it up. You're fucking it. It's about Mike. It's about me out, you go through, you off your phone there, fatty? I just got an email. Yeah, good.

Fucking check it later. We're almost wrapping it up, you fucking idiot. It's about my career. What is it? It's, you know, opening for Vinnie. It's, I got a new deal from, come on, that was your management company. Really, what they say?

They can use an email about something. Oh, good, that's from your people. Sir? Yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna say names. They're good people. They're all good people. Yeah. They said they've got to make some changes.

Oh, good. I hope it's me. All right. Well, listen, let's wrap this up. You know deepdiscount.com. You know the, you know the, what you're gonna call it? Fucking, oh my brain's stopping. What do you want?

What do you need? What do you need? What is it? What is the thing they go to deep descant? I can't fuck that the home pit right right? I hate you. You don't even know she's trying her in prep stinks What do you got? What do you need? She's not strange shit that I said already? What do you want? What do you need? What do you got here deep discount? No our fucking thing? Oh? Okay, so oh I hate you. No Oh, our fucking thing. Oh, okay. Oh, oh, no What the fucking thing download the Robert Kelly's you know a dude ab and Remember it's only when I did anyone and there's original content behind the wall first 10 episodes are always free a lot of

One-on-ones up there a lot of one ones the You know what the fucking win win when that when that was the JFL one. The JFL one. Yeah. That was a great episode. We're gonna be doing another creeps of kids coming up and we're also gonna be doing a YKWD live. We're going to my website. Where's the YKWD live? Go scroll down. Stop real quick. Yeah, of course I got to scroll up a little bit. Yeah, up a little more, Bubba. Yeah, there we go. Drafthouse is coming up September 1st, 2nd,

15th, 16th, helium comedy club, love that club. Buffalo, someable theater I'm accepting, the comic of the year at the Boston Comedy Festival. Congratulations. Thank you, buddy. Which is going to be great. The Boston Comedy Festival is going to be fun. Then Boston Comedy Fest. That's going to be fun. Then, of course, I go to side splitters. I'm going to be hanging out there with my

Calta punchline Philly. Oh my God. I love it. Look at my fuck. I love it. Tacoma. That's going to, I can't wait to do that club. That's in October. And then, uh, where is the fucking other one? I'm doing. We're doing a live YKWD in Boston, in Rhode Island. The night before my wife didn't put it up there. The 22nd, we're doing a live YKWD. Okay, Lauren, are you coming? In Rhode Island?

Yeah. I'm gonna put the show together now too. I gotta find out who's coming. See Max, I'll do it. Yeah, who says you'll do it? Yeah. All right, have them put the show together now too. I gotta find who's coming see Max. I'll do it there Yeah, who says you'll do it. Yeah, all right have them on the show. Yeah, that would be good We're doing I booked this thing at a pizza place. It's a restaurant pizza place. Wait, we're gonna do a live on their sheet What hang on it's in provenance Tell me I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna tell you right now

on it's in Providence tell me I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna tell you right now oh where the fuck that's right I want to college it's in federal Hill which is fucking crazy yeah that your street hang on it's Antonio's I don't know it's split pizza burrito used to go there it's the best best place it's in Tony oh fusion oh no wait it's federal Hill I'm hungry where the fuck is it it's federal health. I'm hungry. Where the fuck is it? It's in Providence, Rhode Island. Where the fuck is it? In Providence, Rhode Island, apparently. Better hills, all the Italians.

Just go to Providence and ask around when you get there. I lived in the ghetto when I looked at them. Conti sarcasm doesn't play when people don't laugh. It's just conti. It's just country Can we rest of us plugged thing? Uh, federal Hill brick oven pizza. No, we're getting to you facts. Oh, it's nice there The federal Hill brick oven pizza. It's gonna be pizza party podcast We're gonna have a big pizza party. I'm gonna have Rhode Island comics

Local comedians come down. No, there's a couple guys that really come on I said great. Yeah, but you rolled your fucking eyes I did you fucking roll your country. I you know you become a real country. You got Media okay success. Listen to me. How was the weekend? How was the weekend phenomenal was it so loud? It was it was it was a People yeah Fuck yourself. I know how many people with there like I said I reminded him of you He heard me out saying like oh it sounds like Bobby. Yeah, well then you're funny My phone, where's my phone oh

It was not sold out Hi, buddy Max. Yeah What What are you gonna show me I hope What's that I watched yourselves a fucking punch What See the bug. Oh, he found the ball. Okay, buddy. You being real-life teclomatic I love you buddy. I'll be right back or I'll call you in two seconds. It's a quick hit.

That is really cute. It's a quick hit game. Where are you going to put the cricket in a bowl so you can eat it later? Where are you going to put the cricket? You fat. Hang on one second buddy. One second you fat twat. Shut. What are you gonna do with it? Hi Max that's Adam he laughs at everything buddy. I guess

You want to see the girls. Hi, cutie. I see it. What's up, Max? Oh, that's a cricket. I said, buddy, this is real. I got to go. I love you. I love you, so much. Nobody. Okay. Ma, ma, ma. I love you pal. You're going to feed the cricket to the, he's got a pet prank man. Oh really? And the thing just, oh that's cool. The flowers.

Yeah. I love you. Oh no. This is abusive. If you can't hang out because you lose better fucking hang out. This is a really weird place to be at the end of a podcast. You can't leave really because you'll be a bad dad. This is when you go what would Lewis do. What buddy? What? You kill him.

What's that? Oh my god. This is fucked up. You tell me whatever you're gonna tell me kid go ahead. Yeah Yeah, buddy him right here Okay, yep, go ahead Which one do you want to show the Puerto Rican or the Nazi? Whoa you go with Italian buddy. No That's awesome pal. You're awesome kid. That's so cool. Alright buddy, I love you.

He hung up fucking. He showed that cricket like you were telling the tour dates. Wow, where is it? Yeah, give it to you. Jesus Christ. Can you wrap it around your top? Put some clothes on you fucking. Jesus Christ.

I was very cute. You're so cute. You're so cute. You're so cute. You're so cute. You're so cute. Okay, wow, where is it? Where is it? Yeah, give it to you. Jesus Christ. Can you wrap it around your top? Put some clothes on you fucking Jesus Christ. I was very cute. It was really cute when he seemed No, it's a quick it I love him to death. I had to put him to bed last night without a movie. It almost killed me. How does he? He fucking came out of the he's four. He came out four and two, two months. He came out of the bathroom last night fucking, Jess said, you know, something to his mom screamed,

like lost it. And he can't, you know, we don't yell, you can't yell, you know. I go, all right, no movie in the bed. And he's like, no, no, I'm like, that's it. Consquence, done, you know that. You don't scream at your mother. You don't raise your voice, deal with your emotions. No movie. And he lost it. Consquence. Done. You know that. You don't scream at your mother. You don't raise your voice. Deal with your emotions. No movie and he lost it and it's so hard not to go. I'll right, but he went to he's I'll try and my buddy you lost the movie. I'm sorry. You're not you got to learn and he's like

I'm like it was I wanted so bad to go just to go all right one more time, but if I didn't I'd fucking Yeah, they don't they don't learn like that. You gotta teach him you tell him no you can't watch the Vos roast tonight You have to wait a little bit on that Listen this is funny. It's like I'm sorry. This is my kisses You can't you can't fucking tell us we tell you I funny by laughing Oh god no, that's not the other is. Yeah, no, that is absolutely on true. Absolutely on true. Absolutely on true.

Absolutely on true. Absolutely. If every time you've been funny, we literally wrap it down. That's how it's completely on true. That's completely on true. Why is that on true? I understand.

I know what's funny. I don't need anybody to tell me what's funny. Right. Nobody needs anyone to tell them what's funny. Okay. All right. Do you want to make his no statement? Okay.

Why don't people, why? I disagree with you because if you are funny I think you you want to my favorites. I guarantee that I laugh So you everything you say is funny when you think it's funny Everything you think is funny or being is fun. You're being antagonistic today because that's I'm not a tag. What am I saying? I laughed at you? I'm not a tag. That's you that's you that's me. That's me. Fuck you. Okay, let me do it. How am I being a Teganistick? You are being an Teganistick, you just don't?

Buddy, you made me laugh harder than I've ever laughed in my life today. Why? You're rant. You did a rant. I was crack. Literally one of the funniest rants I've heard of. I was very funny.

I think you hilarious. You're one of my favorite people. I tell everybody how great you are. I appreciate that. Thank you. But you know what great you are. I appreciate that. Thank you. But you know what? Everything you say is not funny. That's not everything.

I understand that. And that one. I understand that. That one was not that funny. It was decent. It was not. It was decent. It wasn't.

It was the greatest. It was the funniest thing that's ever said. Yeah, exactly. You're not, it wasn't that funny. You take the hit. It was the funny thing. That's the problem with your generation. You can't take one. What do you mean my generation take that it was the funny. That's probably your generation. You can't take one

What do you mean my general? I'm 78 years old. That's it just Take a hit I'll take the hit I take it take it all this Accept it. Okay, it's accepted. Can I do my plugs now? No, you're doing yours last. You lost it like the movie What it's a consequence You lost it like the movie Consequence yeah You want to do yours now? No, I'll do them later. What do you want to do? I'm gonna do them now? I'll do them later Do now That do them now go to I want to do Tim do now you

Let the ladies go first. I'm gonna read Louis. Can I read Louis's plugs instead of mine? Can I get this is website? I would just read Lewis's if you want to do that. Bigger day of time. No, we can bring it up. I'll be dead troll comedy club North Carolina this weekend. Please come see me. It is great. Please come see me. That would be a lot of fun. And that's important. DC improv, September 15th and 16th and, uh, Holierty's in October. That's far away. So come so com the dead headlining hilarious uh... yeah that's great great club great guy

timidlcomedy dot com for tickets to the tour bus show i do for the new york comedy festival next i know you don't love nicky cleveland yeah i'm just a great guy really good guy uh... who wants to ask girls i'm at katie hannigan dot com at katie hannigan on twitter uh... i don't i don't know what's going on with my schedule i have a show coming up I'll go I'm at katiehannigan.com at katiehannigan on Twitter. I

Don't I don't know what's going on with my schedule. I have a show coming up. I'm doing the red clay comedy festival in Atlanta at the end of September It's a good festival. It's a good festival and I Have shows in the city, but it's all on my website at katiehannigan.com That's right. You put your city shows up there too? Yep. Anyone can stalk me. So it's not the safest, but I do a little bit of show. And you have no boyfriend. I got no boyfriend. I'm going to do the roast tonight at the stand. Go grab a rear.

Let me tell you something. I remember you from what you did with us, which was hilarious. But the roast last week, when you were fucking, I mean, who you going against tonight? Oh, I got Eric Berth from. I think you're going to win. Yeah, you're going to win. Well, he's having a kind of a rough time. So I do why he's just having a hard year in life

But he's but he's just survived cancer. He's got a crazy girlfriend. What the fuck is that? So what was that? It was a fake masturbation Yeah, Kim's fun. I think the rose for me, I did it last week. It's fucking, I feel bad when I leave. I fucking love it. Oh, I love it. I feel like I don't get to express myself like that

in a way that's accepted that way. Yeah. It's like a way different than stand up. It's like your dad committed suicide. Yeah. It's like, oh, God. It's like your dad committed suicide. Yeah. It's like, oh God. It's like, I feel like I'm being, I feel like in some way I'm being disconnected

from humanity because I'm like, oh God, this poor kid's dad really killed himself. Yeah, but that's the whole game. That's the whole art of it. It's just you. And that's the people saying. Are you desensing ties? But God.

You're saying what we're all thinking, like your dad killed himself. We all want to talk about it. Everybody wants to talk about it. Yeah, but not make fun of it. Yeah, we do you do yeah Really yeah, all of it really like I think the situation would be sad But roasting like roasting somebody you can roast somebody like we did the Ross roast Nobody brought up somebody's fucking Nobody brought up somebody's fucking Brought up, did we? Yeah, Lewis brought up on his retarded sister. Yeah, that was pretty funny I just feel like a lot of people are way funnier than dead people The last rose I felt that there was a lot of dead sisters and dead fathers and I was like oh god, man

We didn't have any in our battle. I didn't, I felt like I didn't really like it lawn in that moment though. He's a nice guy, but. Yeah, what if, what if, they have fucking vicious. Yeah. Yeah. You were fucking vicious. I like it.

Yeah, but here's the thing about you is that you're adorable and then you come up and you're the fucking meanest. Yeah, he's meanest. That's like an advantage, but it's also funny if you're mean in the right way. It's a misdirection being a woman, yeah. It's a, it's a really funny. if you're mean and you're not funny, it doesn't work.

Some of them mean and not funny and you're like, oof. Yeah, then you, yeah, it's not good. So it's interesting, you got to be mean, but also funny, it's got to hit both things. No, it's really, it's a really interesting show. It's fucking crazy, but I did feel, you feel kind of, it's like that comedy 101 that I did.

It's a funny show. And but after it's like when I used to do ONA, I was like, this is, you have a, you laugh in every, but when you left, you're like, I feel a little dirty. I feel like, I feel dirty. Like, what was that? But I guess when it's funny, it is funny. Like her thing about where I'm going to push you out about her dead sister or whatever the fuck it was, that made me laugh.

What do you got? You're You looking back to LA, right? You move back. Yeah, well, I go back to LA on Thursday. I'll be at the comedy store September 4th, September 11th. Um, I actually just put out a new podcast. It's called Stone Science. You can find it on iTunes and some science. What's it about?

Me and my writing partner, we get, we smoke weed and we talk about like the new, uh, science stories that are just happening. The first episode is all things with ginas. So we talk about like the new science stories that are just happening the first episodes, all things with ginas. So we talk about like the parts of the vagina shit, you don't know what that happens to women. Like what? Like that more women are dying from birth control

after being pregnant than ever before. And just like crazy shit, you know. We, we, I like, I get, like, just like the, the simple, the simple, what do you do? Just like the eye, I was like, I'm just like well like just like the second right now. What do you just like the I cast is crazy? And just like the idea that like we had to identify parts in our uterus and I had no idea what was inside my own body.

Like could you point out the parts? Hell yeah, you could. I'm a nerd though. I can close my eyes. I don't know. See and it's inside and there's like so much knowledge today. So we threw some knowledge on pussies on the last episode.

You can find that at patreon.com slash. Does that the name of the podcast stone science? Oh no, the net. It's the episodes all about of a gin is pussy. Yeah. All right. Well, um, check me out there. Twitter Kimberly Kongden. Well, comedy stores, the shit now, huh?

Yeah. That kid Adams. No joke. No fucking switch it up. God bless. I know. I is the shit now, huh? Yeah. That kid Adams, no joke. No. Fucking switch it up. God bless them. I know. I used to go there and I get depressed.

It's a whole different world. Well, I used to be full. The main room was never open. The other room was half full. Upstairs was three people and they were doing weird shit. Yeah. And you'd be like, this is such a fucking beautiful venue. Yeah.

Like, the main room was like, why is this not full? It's so good now every Single night. It's fucking packed out. Yeah, that's great good for them. Yeah, good for comics out there, too All right, let's get the fuck Adam. What do you got at rec room audio follow me on Twitter and Instagram? Got it. What do you got? Lauren Cubera and whoever's watching live Thursday at standup in New York at 8 p.m at Lauren Cooper and whoever's watching live Thursday at standup in the American 8 p.m. pre-nut. My show tomorrow night sold out at the pussy cat. It's been sold out for a week.

I don't know why they keep plugging it. If someone's gonna fucking not show up, so if you wanna come by, get on standby, someone will fucking not show up. So you can come by, but it's sold out. And I think Sarah, how much? Tell tell a much Sarah list Salah realist thank you changing your name. I got a piss. We'll see you guys later

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