Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Bottom of the Pyramid | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #46

Episode Date: September 24, 2025

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss auditions they’ve had for Superman, Spiderman, Billions, how Kelly ruined Luis, what Deepu is up to, Jim Breuer vs Dane Cook, what it’d be like to get college girls, Joe’s topic of impressing girls, family fights, and Dawn’s brother getting mad Bobby called her fat, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  PrizePicks Get $50 in lineups after placing your first $5 lineup https://www.prizepicks.com/ Lucy Get 20% off first order w/ code “REGZ” https://lucy.co/ ZocDocUse zocdoc.com/regz to support the show and get the help you need BodyBrain Coffee Use code REGZ25 to get 25% off https://www.BodyBrainCoffee.com/ Small Batch CigarUse code REGZ10 for 10% off plus 5% rewards https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, Regs fans. It's me. Fit Collar Dan. The minister. And my dog Myrtle, she doesn't want to look at you. He's ashamed of herself. I'm in therapy right now. I'm in a bathroom. As always, I don't know. Is that a shit joke or is that a blow guys joke? Anyways, get your Regs merch today. Just so you know our merch is online and trucking, baby boy. We got classic logo teas, the Mount Regsmore, the Dunking Moose, and so much more. Hoodies are coming soon in the fall. You can go get all these shirts and these bandanas. A pair of you are going to see us at Skank Fest because you bought merch. If you buy some merch, you'll be automatically registered to win two VIP tickets to Skankfest and lovely.

Go to regsmerch.com and grab your merch today. And we're going to do a special meat and breed if you show up with the reg stuff. We have bomb dandas. We have sweatshirts. My son's trying to break in. Ah, it's a ghost. Buy the merch. Let's go, Reg's merch on sale.

Now, I'll blow you if you buy so. Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. What's up, everybody? You ready? We're back. Should we change chairs and outfits? No, we're fine.

We don't need to... None of that shit matters. Who coughed? That was disgusting. Danny, look at his face. It's actually good. He has to do that twice a day to get the ugh out of him. That's how he makes stuff so he could cocoon at night to turn into his next form.

It's called the juke-cough. He goes, cock-ha-ha-ha. He coughed up a hairball. And he saves it. He goes, my nest is almost ready. He has a backpack. He's like a Pokemon. He evolves.

I get to become big a day. We're back. Of course, we have Joe List, Dan Soda, Lewis J. Gomez. Welcome to September. Episode two. You're a fucking loser.

Welcome to September. I hate you. We all wore the same outfits. Yeah. We've been sleeping here. We wore the same outfit as two weeks ago. I guess we are, huh? Yeah.

Yeah. Is my facial here exactly? the same as it was two weeks ago? Wow. Yeah. Holy, that was almost, that was your American Asian. That was going to say. Do you an American Asian early.

Back to back apps coming at you. We came so hard, we were ready to go again. Bobby, you told us when we were downstairs? You have gossip. This is so fun. G.O. SSIP. I found something out today that fucking blew me away. You were born a woman.

I don't know. Look, it might have. You're a hermaphrodite. Buddy, why you fucking burying the lead? I'm sorry. That's so funny. Jamie Lee Curtis, Robert Kelly. If I pulled up my dick and my pussy.

Oh my God, to plug them into each other. Flip it around, sorry. I interrupt like I was, dude. Dude, interrupt away, kid. No, dog, I'm trying to work on it. Nah, don't work on it. I do.

Do not fucking work on it. You got goss. Hit us. I don't know if it, listen, I don't know if it's goss or if it's information. I found something out that I never knew about something that I did. Okay.

That I was involved with. Okay. That might have been... Is it a riddle? What do we do? In the morning, the sun reflects, but at night, the sun is scared. What can't you see, but does it make a sound? Five of these are three of dues.

Sex, rock and roll was actually good. Yeah. Oh, my God, we were watching it from the wrong perspective. Dennis Leary was the killer the whole time. It's so funny, it's so funny when you do a TV show and you find out what your friends really thought about it after it's over. Billions. No, I like the show. That was a joke. People really... I love Billions. Yeah, but people love

to give me real honest opinions. Billions I haven't seen. I was a big fan of billions, and I respect the guy for trying to get me on a bunch of times, and I failed those... I failed those auditions. Brian Kauffleman was really trying to get you on. He really wanted to get Bobby on Billions, and Bobby would call me from the casting office. He'd be like, I fucking blew it, dude.

He goes, oh, so it's the fucking this guy. It was the other guy that got the role. You go, that guy was there. Yeah, that guy should have got. He's an old Jewish guy. I mean, he was from the wire and shit. He came into the table read and I knew which part and I went, oh, this guy's awesome. Yeah, I'm a fact Gini from Boston. This guy was a Jewish guy, old Jewish guy from New York. I had that every audition I've ever done.

I watch it and I'm like this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a lot. I auditioned for the Superman movie at the Daily Planet. And the guy that got it from SNL was way better. You saw it and you're like, oh, yeah, he's, that's great. Which guy that's the sports writer that's got the mustache that's like calls his made when the city's being attacked.

And he's like, Goelho! Get my kids But if you get one of those You get money forever I mean that's a change Oh Dan you're trying to be a fucking You're trying to be in the fucking No

The MCU Oh Dan got into the MCU It's DCU Oh DCU Or MCU would change your life DCU is gonna bomb I don't know dude I like Superman

I like Superman I didn't love it The problem was so overhyped People loved it too much Was it an origin story? No No They kind of fast forward through all that

And they just get down To the nitty gritty But you found out That you were actually supposed to be Superman But you just found out You know what I did I did? You remember Spider-Man?

Yeah, I remember Spider-Man. Jonathan Sputterman. Yeah, I used to go to him for orthodontist. You remember Spider-Man, the wrestler, the wrestling scene where the guy went in and he... You were supposed to be macho man's character. He goes, it's bonesaw, dude. He's like, you fucking Spider-Man, get down from there, dude. It's bonesaw.

Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, yeah. I'll do my patented text phrase. Snap into a slim, Jim, dig it. He's like, oh, bones saw and cut. I just, I'm sorry. Jack, what do you do? I'm fucking doing the road, dude.

I did the, in Spider-Man, the one with Toby McGuire. Yes. When he went into the, I was supposed to do the, I audition for the wrestling manager guy. Remember, you ripped him off? Yeah, I didn't get that. That would have been. Jim Norton was in that one, wasn't it? I think he stinks and I don't like him.

Yeah. That's his line. Yeah. Damn, dude, dude, that would have been crazy if you were. Spiderman. Spitterman. Well, if you get one of those movies, do you even that little tiny roll, or you get a Christmas movie that you're fucking making money.

If I get into some real trouble, you can catch me on the Hallmark Channel every guy in the air. Do you see my Christmas movie when I played Santa? Yeah, we watched it. That was, I mean, the biggest piece of shit movie I've ever seen in my entire life. I played Santa twice. So it's lazy casting the second time. No, it's just a fat guy casting.

She walked in, she goes, I'm having a long day. Are you Mary? I mean, it was adorable to watch Max in it. I watched it with James. James is so young. I was excited, but James didn't know what a good movie was. So, like, he was like, this is the fucking Bobby's fucking... That's crazy. It's like, that's a performance of a lifetime. It was the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life. I looked over at Max

and Don at one point, and they were just looking at their phones. That's so funny. James is like, I was taken to the North Pole. He was like, the guy lived the role. This is when I knew the movie was whatever. I go, do you want me to do like a Santa Claus voice? He goes, no. I go, you want me to just do my the way I talk, like, from Boston? He's like,

yeah. I was like, all right, dude. How, ho, ho, dude. Yo, you fucking chimney, dude. It's fucking skinny, bro. You got a new chimney. It's made by these tech guys. I don't know if you've had a digital chimney, dude. Oh, ho, ho.

That piece of Boston trash can't play me. He doesn't even know the real beach to go to. So what's the guns? What's the news? Stop getting mad at me. This is fun. This is what we do. Yeah, I know.

You guys have to set you up so we can. you for 10 minutes again. No, keep going. We're interrupting your whole thing. Now, pull over. I know how it works. Now, go? Stop tell me.

Now, pull over. Stop tell me how the show works. This has been teased for like four hours. I know, dude. We've been sitting on this hot goss since 11 a.m. I played Santa in another movie, too. Oh, we got it. You fucking, you're the go-do guy for Santa Claus.

I don't think it's the brag you think it is. But that was my, I feel bad because I should have stayed fat because that was my last thing I could get worked for. That's so funny. You know, I've played a monster that eat rocks in several movies. Yeah, you're St. Dick. You know what?

Why don't you take this? Go outside. Take that and put the couple bucks. It's not a bomb. Joe, you could play a Christmas elf. Oh, my God, who's born to play. Dude, you look so much like a Christmas elf. I'm 6'3.

Yeah. Yeah, you pay, you're a weird elf. But what if, we're going to put you in the foreground of the camera? Now, here the, what if this elf played basketball? He's a giant elf. Oh, like the movie Elf? Yeah, what about an adult? What about it?

I think this movie exists is called Elf. And we'll get Will Ferrell. And the score could be done by Danny Elfman. Oh, we're back. Out of jail. No. It was clever. It was clever, not funny.

It was a purposefully bad joke. No, no, no. You're not the suicide squad. Can I say? We didn't get you out of jail so you can perform a task. I was called it Clever, not funny. A bomb. I'll take the bomb data, but a proper

bomb data is you think this is going to hit. I was purposely doing a silly joke. You New York, fucking alternative asshole, you clever dicket. He's trying to get in with Mark Marion. I did Barrett a long time ago. Not no more. By the way, the guy's like, I'm retiring.

There's 48 episodes have come out. He's like, the show's over. There's a new episode every week. I think he was very consistent. He's like, I'm also going to scorch earth on everybody. He goes, I'm going to tell you this one time right now. Paul Rodriguez bought me at the store in 1992.

I saw him kill a lady It's just on every podcast You're like Jesus Christ Yeah he really is He's buried in mind We almost we almost had him on That was gonna be our first guest Yeah

And then uh Scheduling Yeah Then he just did soda instead He was like I'm just gonna take The talented ones podcast What is your gosh So

He was almost the host of WTF That's so funny What the fuck did It's just him yelling at us as openers It is weird that I had YKWD and then all of a sudden is WTF. Yeah, and you were, you and Colin Quinn. Wait, was he first though? He was first.

No. No, him and Colin. Crazy? Him and Colin Quinn were. No, but before YKWD, I think WCF in this. No, this was first. I was before Burr. Yeah. He was O.S. Me and DeRosa. Yeah. He was me and DeRosa. It was me and DeRose. It was not. I'm talking about YKWD. YKWD was him and first. It was like 09.9. And then it was me DeRosa and him. Yeah. And then it was

me DeRose and him. And then you... No, Lewis was up before me. Oh, I had Lewis. I like Lewis. Yeah. I brought in the truth. That's right. So you guys, what? September 2009. Yeah, I was before.

September 1st, 2009. Yeah, that was the first one of that. April 2010, dude, he beat you by six months. Oh, look. What? What was it saying? Started April 2010. No, that's not true.

The first episode released on Ryan Cass, a podcast. Oh, man. No, that's not. It was before. Uh-oh. You ripped off WTS. Now we're married to go on a podcast and talk to you. We will be four.

He's going to get you. We will be four. riot cast he's gonna get you we did before riot cast rye cast came they they're going from when riot cause i did it right that was an awesome we did it at my house that was a great intro your kitchen before right that's where i did it the first time yeah so you're listening to robert kelly's you know what do podcasts on the riot cast network join the riot cast network i did it in march at 2011 was the first time I did it. So, um...

It was the first thing I ever did that I got, like, tweet. I was like, whoa. I, uh, I was doing it when I was still at Dos Caminos. And one time they called me over, after a shift to do a podcast. And I was so excited to go do a podcast after working. And they just trashed me because I put up this picture. Oh, he tried to have a Sufi. You remember that?

I didn't try. I just posted a picture of this thing called Gator fight. Yeah, Gator fight. No, you would do it on stage. He was going Gator fight. It was a goddamn game. And then they were like, what the? Him and DeRose were like, what the fuck?

It was the first time I ever did a podcast Or afterwards on Twitter Someone was like That sounded like a man just got jumped Like I was like When people were responding to it They just kicked the shit out of you on that What was the first podcast episode

That any of us ever did If any podcast ever I remember mine I remember mine was on a podcast In Brooklyn with the guy named Sina John He's a comic He used to hang out with like

Oh yeah I remember that guy I'm professional wrestler No he's just reversing John They've seen a John like at the phone I did one with a guy named Giant The Andra Yeah I did a guy I did it was I was

Snooker My podcast Louis Louis Gomez Jay goes I don't care I did one The guy named

Robert Snake the Jake I got me I knew you were going there And it still got me I remember doing a podcast And talking about my girlfriend at the time And being in trouble

That was the first time We all got in trouble Early on we all made the mistake I'm like I'll talk about anything Anything Had a ruined relationship She just I remember Annie

And he texted me, and she was like, what the fuck were you talking about? It's on Facebook. You told everyone that I'm an orphan? There you go. Yeah, you have curly hair. I liked it. Sorry, Daddy Warbucks let you go. Yeah, you got.

The son will come out tomorrow. He got in trouble the worst. Oh, yeah, I lost my family. Oh, yeah. Because an Australian girl told on you. Stupid bitch. She's like, bitch. I just want to let you guys now.

I'm going to take a lot of shit on here. And then I'm going to destroy one of your families. But I haven't decided which one I'm going to destroy you. Meeny moiny moiny mo mo moe Oh, keep the yappy, yappy. Someone's losing the family. Yeah, she was doing the whole time. I've been waiting to destroy you.

Like Beatrice was never going to listen to this podcast. She was like, hey, just so you know. I just want to let you know, Lewis was the meanest to me, so I'm going to take away his family. Never recovered. Almost killed myself with cocaine after that. She really did win. Because I called her fat, she took away my family

and gave me a crippling drug addict. They were like, they're like, Miss, the boat to Australia is about to leave and she goes, I'm getting on. Inflicted behind her and destroyed your whole fucking life. I got one more thing to do. Everything here is complete. That was the joke that I made when she said

she was leaving that upset her, where I went. Bye, America, I tried. I watched her face going. I watched her face going. Yeah, you guys have no idea how mean. mean we were to the producers. You think we're mean to you guys? You have no fucking clue.

You're behind glass. She would cry. She would cry every week. I would get texts. I got pretty bummed, too. Oh, yeah. I'd get text or we'd be at the creek. And they'd be like, to me and Joe, they'd go like, hey, it's, you guys are fucking

horrific. You know, call me out of the fucking blue. Is it the news? No. Oh, yeah. I love that we still have. This second episode's, this. This, I got to call out of the blue to promote something.

of his not you know hey what's up but deep who text me apparently he has a new thing he did on social media like a series or something he's very proud of i haven't watched it and he said uh can you please help me promote this i think it's really good and it could use a bump okay well good for deepu he's like do you know anybody who has a following yeah could you get this to Shane it'd be really cool Shane it'd be really talking about give it to Paco yeah you just please please give this gas digital. You give this to any of the producers at Gas Digital.

I mean, he still had the best Yankee Swat episode. What was it again? He gave a bus ticket to Baltimore. One way ticket to Buffalo. And the year before that, he gave a vegetable burrito from Taco Bell that I know. No, no, no, it was a subway sandwich, I think, right?

No, it was a vegetable burrito. Yeah, it was a vegetable. Because I got it, and I took a bite of it. One way, the one-way ticket, bus ticket to Baltimore. Baltimore was- Oh, yeah, DC and it leaves in an hour. It's so funny. It's the funniest gift that's ever been given on.

He does. One of the funniest, I don't remember what we said, but Coomia was on, and we showed, we discovered that Deepu had a self, a solo web show. And we showed it, and it was real bad. The hardest I've ever laughed on the show. I can't remember what we said. I think Anthony was like, wow, or something. Whatever the episode is, people can look it up. It was a Coomia episode with Deepu, and it was revealed that he has a solo show.

We started watching it. It was really, uh. What's your gosh, dude? Hang on, let me see if we bring up. Oh, we still got to say the first podcast. We were ever around. Oh, yeah, what were you on? My was,

I'd be keeping the girl from me. It was Nate Bargotsi had one with Janice and Chris Laker. It could be better. Yeah, it could be better. No, that was later, wasn't it? No, that was the first, my first podcast appearance on anything. The first time I was ever speaking on a microphone on a podcast. They used to do it with a snow globe.

Yeah, I don't remember anything down the fact that I was just sick. That's the way, that's why the Laker Awards happened. It was because of it could be better. I mean, that was, that was very early. Crazy that it was a podcast of Nate, Janus, and Chris Laker. Yeah. Varying levels of success. Where's Chris Laker now?

What was his show that were trashed that was so funny? He had like a show. He did like a monologue and stuff. Oh, he did monologue, okay. Deepu had like a solo show of him in front of the background. Dan, he found out with Deepu's thing he's making now. I think it's a thing. See if you can bring it up.

Maybe, maybe. Just as a reminder, I haven't looked things up in here. We should do a former, I'm not the looking up person. Can you have the, just. Paco does it. Do me a favor. Whisper to the guy next to you to do it. You fucking.

God, how did I feel his breath in my ear? What an asshole. Who would do that? Just to let you know, I don't do that. May I... Right now he goes, that ruining a family idea sounds pretty good. May I defend Danny for a moment?

Yeah. We do have a running thing where every week we're like, you fucking retard, you suck at fucking looking things up. Yeah. I understand the information to be like, it's actually not. I'm not on the guitar on this song.

Yeah, but he could just go, hey, dude, look that up. No. Yeah, but then everyone's going to think he's a fucking retired. But in reality, Paco is the lead-time. Danny, you win this one. Danny, you got to win.

Who's the worst ever Wikidoidi producer? Actual, at their job. At their job? You had some hushes and shit that were like up and down. I did everything myself first. Sure. I learned how to do it all. So you.

And then I passed it on. It was me. You're the worst Wikini. You're the worst Wikini. You're the worst Wikini through all that. And then it was, um, God damn. Had, who was, who was the first ever White Kid Me to produce? Kelly was, Kelly was impressively bad as far as not really producing and then antagonizing us off air to the attacker on air where it looked horrible.

You understand the Wai Kid Me was so fucked up because I would put the producers these young kids on air with you fucking animals. Yeah, we're Jonah. Which was a great. You have to give them credit when I figured out to just that calling a girl fat was like, just such a thing that our audience could really connect with. They were just like, oh, this is fucking great. You're calling her fat to her face. They loved it.

And then I just really went with that. That's my whole personality. It really is a playoff. Well, this is the sad part is that she was thin when she started. And then she slowly got fat, which sucks. Well, look like our mean words were making her. I think it's the... This is not Deepu.

I think it's the Zohan. He's just talking about other people. Yeah, I think he worries being Zohan. It's the... Metal gear. Metal gear. It's the metal gear one. Go up top. Yeah, Deepu's a handsome boy. It's a good looking guy. Metal gear, that's not it, is it? This looks like we need to watch it, whatever it is.

All right, let's want it. Maybe he's on. It looks like a deer hunter. Oh, he's just doing Zoron. It's Metal Gear solid. Let me see. I'll see. Harkarves. There's Zoron.

Imagine walking by and filming this I mean it's well produced But it's got 12 likes I just feel like why Maybe they'll get more now You think so? Music, funk rape I don't get it though

It's Drones Alcatraz Watch the monument There's no story here This is a mute Who's that? What is this?

Is that Kelly? That's Scopo. This looks like a steakhouse. What if it was all my old producers? Press Like to remember? Can you get a flat iron there? Cooked medium? Go to the other one.

What the fuck? This is the mess. I feel like I was on drugs. Go to the top one, the first one, right there. Zoron Fitness? I hate you. Zoran Mamdani was humiliated at the annual men's bed. I guess he does kind of look like him.

So this is his whole honor. I get it. And Kelly's doing the voiceover. And he's not that strong. He couldn't defend me from the wildlife in a lot. Australia. We all know Cuomo's little handsy with the ladies. Whoa.

He got pretty... Dan, he'd fuck you up. Deepo would fuck you up. He'd get pretty jack. Don't, don't do it. Don't do that. Deepu'd fuck you up. Don't, don't. He's under a lot of pressure. God, dude. You should dress up as Cuomo and fight him.

Will you fight... No, dress up as Adams. Or Curtis Silva. Yeah, do Mayor Adams. Yeah, do Mayor Adams. Go blackface. Mayor Adams and fight him. Does he have to go blackface? Yeah, you're right. What the fuck are we watching, right?

I don't know. This is just to get away from Bobby's gossip, but I haven't lost this. Well, he asked me to promote this. So there you go. Hopefully you guys... Would that he wanted you to promote? Yeah. No.

Yeah. What do you mean? He didn't say bury this and never talk about it publicly? I'm pretty sure. Hey, hey, I have this embarrassing thing. Please don't ever bring it up. He said a video. We did promote it.

I mean, could you not ever talk about this with other people? This is really embarrassing. Can you pull up the clip of his show? Can you find the one, with Coomia from fucking 20, whatever? What is your, what is your goss, Bob? Okay, I'm just texting. He's texting. I know, I'm just seeing Deepu sent me something.

I just wanted to say, I don't know if I have this fucking number in here. I got it. Here it is. Anyways, all right, go check that out. See if it's funny. All right, so check this out. Check it out, fam. Streamers.

Sorry, I bring streaming energy now. What's up, chat? Go dummy in the chat. If you love this goss, that's my. being spilled. So you guys remember I'm watching I'm watching I'm watching I'm fucking around

looking at stuff all of a sudden Do I have to put you in a home? Yeah it's 25 seconds of nothing being said He snapped Focus, come on, come on come on Pacco, you're you're Filipino coming here Nurses this guy Dad, I'm watching, I'm watching

I'm watching I'm watching I love me, Mr. Bobby's higher today Listen, can I say something? Sure. I didn't have my coffee brain today. I ran out. Your body brain?

You ran out? My body brain. I got some in the car. It's up in the, it's up in the Hampshire. I got it in the car. I can still feel the worst. Oh, this is it right here. Is this it?

Is this it? Oh, I don't see. Oh, is it? Oh, I wasn't there. Oh, I wasn't here on this. That's fucking me. We're going to sit this out. Boo.

Oh, Sarah's. Oh, my God. Skim. Sarah. And Mark. Tim, Mark. Damn, that's a lineup. I mean, look at that line up.

I play it a little bit What a lineup You got to play right when he Bobby, you used to really have something Yeah You had lightning in a fucking bottle You took it all You took all my stuff

I love that he did the old Rio backdrop He's changed his curtain That is the Tonight Show This is tonight show background Start from the beginning I want to start Oh You're so hungover

What's going on? You're like mad Deep who's there Pouching into the camera 30 immigrant family Summer games in Rio are almost upon us but some say

the city is not ready Brazil's What the fuck is this? He just did Andrew Schultz before Andrew Shultz did it He's just So here's how I saved Brazil Turn your camera sideways, y'all

I'm about to flip your motherfucking brain You remember that? You remember that? I'm about the motherfucker fucking brain Now it may seem like I just showed you a slice of Heaven

I'm having the Olympics Whoever said are you dream That's very far Coomia is a vicious, vicious man. Are you drunk? Cuma, I mean, one of the funniest podcasters, radio guys, of all time. Of all time. I mean, his Twitter is a goddamn nightmare.

You can't defend it. Holy shit. You can't defend his Twitter. Let me tell you right now. Some people don't know how to hide the wires of a TV. You're walking into his house and going, oh, my God, the wires are everywhere. I don't know if I trust this place anymore. Jesus Christ.

It's like, Coomia, let me be friends with you. Oh, I'm trying my hardest. Holy shit. I can't. I have a wife and a family. He's going to start a fire. Anthony posted a photo from the airplane. He was in a middle seat and was like 200-400-pound guys.

And I was telling somebody how funny it was. And I was like, hold on, let me pull it up. And it happened like two days earlier. And it was like 75 tweets of like, look at this monkey, look at it. And I was like, hold on, hold on. Jesus, Christ. Fuck. Wait, I think something funny was about to happen.

I play. I really like it. I really like it. Paco, keep it up until we tell you to take it down. Stop. Stop, stop, stop. We were all boggled. Why are you pausing?

Oh, look, you had speech impediment back then, too. Your brain farts. I'm not sure what the pacing should be of the editing. I don't understand the joke. The joke stayed the same. And the real is not doing well financially. It's like a track or field. Bobby didn't get it, but he acted like he got it.

I was, pull that back. Pull that back five seconds to watch everyone get it. And then Bobby going like this. Oh. That was a lie. Wait, wait, do it again. I'm going to see it again. Wait, wait, wait.

The real is not doing well financially. It's like a track. Oh. Ah. Oh, shit. God damn it, Dan. Oh, yeah. Holy shit.

I've just done that so many times that I know it. looks like, oh, yeah. Oh, here it is, here it is. That's the very other thing. Kumia has a hard on right now. I got, yeah. He's like, can I get a link for this for at home? I'm addicted.

Anyone have a news? Dude, it's craziest? Pause right here. Tim Dillon has no idea that he's going to hit a windfall of about $500 million in the next fucking 10 years. He had the idea. No, he's just like right there. He's quietly.

The one that didn't have the idea is the one's sitting next to him. Yeah. She goes, what am I going to be a mom? I'm in New Jersey in five years. Not that one. Oh. Fucking idiot. Norman.

You fucking asshole. The other one didn't have the idea I was going to go the other way. There's nothing can touch me. I want to watch 19 of these. You got to have a little more. Is there one more? No, no. Oh, damn.

You got to make more, baby. Buddy, you cannot stop doing these. As a father, I'd rather walk in on Tim Dillon getting in the ass than what I start making the video. I appreciate that. I think it is. I really would. I think it could be something.

I, first of all, I give you credit. You look like a couple that they brought on. You guys look like bang bus energy. You guys are being interviewed before they tape you fucking. Their only fans couple? They go, now you guys are going to do a live sex show in front of all of us. Yeah, Zock, Doc, baby. Oh, it's a hypochondriac.

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All right, where were we? So, I'm watching, I'm just scrolling with you and I see Jim Brew, who I love Jim Burrow. I think he's fucking funny. His last special was hilarious. I love the whole thing he's doing right now. He's got a little bit right-wingy and fucking weird. I love it. He's fucking...

Just do an anti-Fouchy comedy, which, in... 2025 you're like I met Jim a couple times It's unbelievable when he came out I think he's fucking funny I love Jim and I'm watching him I'm watching all of a sudden he's like he's doing this thing called stories with Jim

or Jim stories right Jim Brewers stories and he starts to talk and he's like he's talking about when he went with and he's not naming names he doesn't name even his manager oh this is how you find something out about yourself yes so he's not naming names he's not naming me who he goes

my old manager but as soon as he does the character he's like, hey, Bonnie. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Body. Bonnie.

He's doing Barry cats. Well, yeah. Maybe. Maybe. We don't know. We don't know. Carol. So he starts talking.

That was my first podcast. My one was with Colin Quinn. So he's talking about the story. He says back in the day, I'm, you know, I didn't have, he's talking about it. I didn't have money. I was living in an attic in Jersey with my girlfriend at the time. The Jews were hunting me.

and I had to hide upstairs and wrote in a diary he's like you know I'm doing I did uptown comedy and I had some things going on he hadn't turned into goat book he hadn't got S&L yet so he's like you know and but I'm talking to my manager and all of a sudden I present

I have these you know I have this bit where I do how ACDC can just sing anything you know he did it on his Comedy Central special special when they had the whole fucking rockin yeah he did that on that Comedy Central special which rules fucking great bit And he's like, so I presented this idea to my manager

that I want to take me and three of my closest friends and I want to do a tour on a bus and I want to film it. And I want to film everything. Because I think, you know, doing the comedy is great, but being on the bus and all the stuff. If only one of my friends could hurt their knee really bad. So he...

He's like, one's going to be fat. That's all I got. One's going to be there. He stops right there. He goes. So he's like, and he goes, I looked at right then. My manager's eyes literally lit up. Yeah.

And I could see in his face that this was a million dollar idea. This idea was unbelievable. Got him hot to trot. And he was like, this is by, this is, oh, I can't believe it. This and starts doing him. Yeah. This idea, we got to get this done. This is fucking great.

I've never, no one's ever done this. This is before us and now. This is before us and now. I might get the Forgive me if I get the time He might have got him wrong to be fair That show wasn't going to work with anybody Except a superstar comedian

That like nobody's gonna care about I want to hear the rest of the story Sorry So he says Anyways Things have happened In this relationship with my manager That he didn't know

That he kind of fucked me Over the years Ode me money Here I am I have SNL now Now I'm in the position of power Sure Right

yeah and the goat boy don't talk up to nobody fucking fires him okay he knew he knew he was gonna do it's like dude you've you owed me money from all this stuff when I had no money yeah when I was living in the attic I needed money I was fucking panicking blah you know and he's telling the story and he's like so when I finally had the position I said you're gone out cut to right

he goes all of a sudden I see a promotion with a rock and roll a comic who over the last couple he became kind of rock and roll with him and his friends on a bus on one of the biggest streamers of at the time

and was like one of the channel was a way of streamer whatever he called it this is his words not mine and he goes it's the biggest show It's so big. It's this fucking holy shit. After the Sopranos, this fucking tour bus, I... Sopranos.

Sopranos. Sopranos? Sopranos. You call me a fruit bat? Yeah, dude. I like that. A lot do I like fruit bat. Sopranos.

Sopranos. Just call me, come me, is that... Yeah, you're a fruit bat. You come out at night and you suck eggs. Watch out. There's fruit bats around here. There's a bunch of fruit bats. Oh, the show came on after the Sopranos.

I was confused with the Sopranos came out. So he's, now he's not naming names. He's describing Dane. Yeah. He's describing Barry. He's talking about HBO. He's literally saying that the show Torgasm was his baby, his concept that he told Barry. And Barry, after he dumped him, gave the idea.

This is what he's saying. gave the idea to Dane Do you have any knowledge If Dane came up with the idea at all Like how was it ever You were a part of it Did they go like Dane has this idea Or was barely like hey buddy

You want to live on a boat On a bus and bust her name Here's the concept When we first did it It was supposed to be a like a documentary Not a TV show It was supposed to be a documentary Like a two hour documentary

Yeah We were supposed to just film it Have a documentary And they put it out And it became What do you love What's going on on show? I don't know what Joe's left

I'm laughing up at, but I want to know. I'm so bad. I need to know. I'm just laughing. I'm laughing. I'll tell everybody later. We can't do that. We got to be on this show.

I mean, what the fuck? We're stretching the gus. The story is a board. Wait. What? I'm laughing at. I get why you were laughing at that. I'm laughing at Lewis, because Lewis is just looking like, so what's going to happen here?

We're waiting. Yeah, what happens? So. Apparently, apparently from Jim Bois starts lying, he sees, he goes, then it turns out that Jim Brewer stole Dane's soul. Then they recreated dinosaurs. What if I told you the DNA was found in Central America? Life finds a way, dude.

You know what's, sorry, just real quick, what's making me laugh is that I know Lewis has no attention span. He's jacked up on coffee and sitting here trying to be still. I'm trying to be nice because I was grimy on the last show. You're fucking doing great. So now I'm just trying to give it to you. But I'm waiting for anything. He looks like one of the killed Tony guys. This story stinks.

Get to it. So apparently, Torgasm. I'm going to be that guy. You're fine. Tim. It's so funny when someone tells you something. You go, yeah, great. Okay.

Tim, the family, Torgasm was Jim Brewers' baby, his idea. that he pitched to fucking Barry. Barry, as soon as he dumped him, had Dane was like, this will work with this fucking guy. Makes sense. And fucking gave it to Dane. Torgasm,

I always thought was Dane's baby. It was his idea that he was like, dude, this is what I want to do with my friends. Yeah, that is funny. You find out your friend was full of shit. Gary Gellman didn't want to do Torgasm

because he just got off of last comic standing. He didn't want to be in this fucking bullshit reality comedy shit, right? They had to force him to do it. I didn't want to do it because they were paying Gary more than me, but I had to do this. They wanted me to follow Gary every night. I was like, fuck that. Yeah.

So it was all this. And of course, Jay Davis was like, dude, what I'll do you want, whatever you want, boss. Yeah. I'll make his sandwich. So he never,

did Dane ever go like, this is my baby, my idea. This is right from my brain and no one else. All right. I can't say, I don't remember that. Yeah.

But I assumed, I don't, I can't say, yeah, he used to come to me and do this my idea. But I, when you guys were in, uh,

the chip monks, Alvin and the, that was the monkey. That was David Cross. Alvin and the monkeys? That was David Cross. But when you guys were Alvin and the monkeys, was you like... Alvin, it was Al in the monkeys.

Al and the monkeys. Probably was Theodore. Theodork. But yeah, I would be mad at you. You should sell this to TMZ. Dude, it's Jim Brew's story. He just told her. He should sell it to TMZ because this would blow up.

Nobody's going to... Nobody's going to... But there's the thing, nobody's going to know who these people are. Yeah, I'm probably one of the only people. or maybe you guys, I know who he's fucking talking. Yeah, you know who the players in the game order. It's just so funny that he does, my manager, and then he does, hey, buddy. Yeah.

There's like, there's like, and then they get a casting. All right, so what else? So what else happens? So. You can't be it. No, no, no, no, no. So, no, no. So, listen.

Something. So then. Something juicy is happening. So then. Supernatural better take hold. So I get a call. I get a fucking. phone call from Trump who goes i get a phone call yeah from barry cats whoa recently he wants to do

orgasm too with us oh with us yeah louis j davis davis i'm the one who's things it just works for your name um um why Watching that story. Louis J. Davis is pretty good. Don't explain the joke. Yeah. It is funny that you're watching something and you go. That's what I did.

It was just weird to find. Did someone send you that clip or did you find it in the wild? I found it and I'm like, oh, the God, this is, he must, but he never told me that. Like, I've hung out with Brew for you a lot since then. But he was always a little weird to me like during that time, but I was always cool with Brough. I knew him from doing the box. You see us on this bus? Dude, it's the best idea ever.

He must have fucking. We're making so much money. Secretly hated me. I don't, I bet he is. I bet he knew. what it was, though. I bet he was this manager knew he took the idea. And he knew you weren't like part of the

taking of it. That's why I wonder if Dane was ever publicly like, this is my idea and my baby. Then, if I'm Jim Brewer, I'm fucking mad. I can't say that he did. I think it just, they were like, hey, we're going to do this thing. And we're going to 20 colleges, 30 days and we're going to film the whole thing. That was the pitch.

But that was his idea. We're to see if we can OD Dane on pussy. The idea is, put him out there and see if he dies from too much pussy from pussy over exposure. And it's so funny, like, just like, you couldn't fuck college chicks now. Back then, you could.

It was like, almost why you got famous back then. They go, I'll tell you what, my album's going to take off, and then it's all the young co-est, like, I started like, 20, 22 years ago, something like that. Yeah. You know, comedy a long time. When I started, it was like, all right, dude, get colleges, drowning pussy. That was the whole goal. Dude, that was, drowning teen pussy.

Absolutely. That's how anything was sold. You'll get team pussy. You get team pussy. Dude, you guys from the 40s? I've never heard anything about teen pussy. Well, you didn't start getting pussy until five years ago. College.

We're talking about. Yeah, I was 22 when I started. Yeah, 18, 19. I remember being 21 and being on, like, at University of Arizona's campus being like, imagine if I did comedy here and all this chicks wanted to fuck me. And I'll go back to Tucson. I'm like, I'm going to stay away from the college. Those are all young girls.

I'm going to go to jail. I can't control myself. Oh, my God. Oh, I'm so handy. Ooh, I'm so handy. Yeah. You never want a college. Puss, Joe? I mean, I always wanted college

Puss, but I just never felt like I could get it. Yeah. And I was right. I fucked a few college girls. Whoa. That makes you sound like you killed them. We were kidding. Because they won't tell secrets. Well, this is like six months ago. It's fine. You ever fuck the girl who booked you? No. Jesus. You were hot.

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for boutique cigar, enthusiast for over a decade now. Small Batch Cigars. Where were we? Stuck the landing. Where were we? I have my topic. Remember we're doing topics on this one. No.

We're not doing topics because Lewis texted us that an hour before the podcast. It was crazy. It was like maybe not an hour before the show. I was like, come up with a topic. Last time I did that. was storm chasing, and I caught shit for it for a goddamn storm chase. It was one of the best topics ever. Okay, all right, now I'm back in.

No, we all made fun of it, but that was funny. You almost set the bar too high with storm chasing. What's your topic, Joe? Well, it's a story that I think will spring into, I want to hear stories like this for you guys. Love it. When you ever have a thing where you're trying to impress a girl, you're kind of on a date with a girl,

and just goes fucking horribly wrong. Absolutely, I already know a date. Because mine, this is my, what happened. I forgot about this. I was telling Sarah the story. I was just one year out of high school. My girlfriend was in high school, hot. She was a senior.

And I would go to Boston all the time with the commuter rail. So every day I'd go into Boston because I wanted to be a comic and I was Boston guy. So I found these, the ticket scalpers. I would buy tickets off ticket scalpers back then. But this is when the socks weren't really selling out. So I was like, brought my high school girlfriend. I was like, I know how to get tickets. I'm a street-wise guy.

Here you go. I know what I'm doing. Here, Lady in the Tramp. Just walk up to the ticket booth. So I walked up. to the guy, and I go, hey, man, we're looking for, we're looking for two. I'm like, I'm like 18 years old.

You're talking about the guys outside of Fenway. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, hey, man, I need two tickets. And we each had like 30 bucks. So I had like 60 bucks. All those guys look like whitey bulger, by the way. Yeah, yeah, they're all white guys. Tickets, dude.

All white guys in like tank tops, crusty. And I was like, yeah, I'm looking. He goes, all right, great. I got two box seats, 150 apiece. And I go, oh, no, no, we're just, I try to use the language. I was like, no, man, we're just trying to get in the ballpark. We don't, you know, we don't need any of that stuff. Yeah, he's like, how much do the action?

He's like, how much money are you looking to spend? I was like, I don't know, like 40 bucks. I got like 40 bucks. And he goes, all right, let me see, let me see your money. And I was like, all right. And I just handed him, we had 60 bucks. I handed him my 60 bucks. And he's like, follow me.

And right away, I'm like, oh, this is bad. And my girlfriend. You gave up your leverage. My girlfriend's like, what do you do? Right through the store. You're outside. Oh, that's weird. This is just an alley.

Why would I walk down here? Yeah, but the girl's gone? Yeah. He's got my cash. We walk, and it's like a long way. And he's walking fat. He's like, speedwalk, because he's got to go make money. And a girlfriend's like, what are you doing? This is crazy.

I'm like, don't worry. I do this every day. I know this guy. He walks straight into the box office, goes up to the thing, and he's like looking back at us, comes over, he goes, there you go. You guys were in the ballpark. He goes to us two tickets. The face value is $14 each.

And he just leaves my $60. He went to buy a ticket. I could have just walked out. It wasn't even sold out. That guy was brilliant. That guy was like, oh, I'll teach you a lesson right now. You're a retarded. But I had to play it off.

Like, oh, these are nice. It says $18. Did you lie? Did you lie and go like, no, he gets a deal? I couldn't even. I would have immediately pivoted it and gone like, he gets, I know him. That's a, that's sully. He goes in there and he gets me fucking cheap tickets.

So then there's even more. So then we go to the game. We watch the game. The whole time, I'm like, I'm a piece of shit. I'm a fucking idiot. I fucked up. We have no money left. So we sit there for three hours.

He can't buy anything. No, we didn't buy anything. We had no money left. I gave her all my money. I'm thirsty. That's before the pitch clock. Games were five hours long. Oh, my God.

Before a pitch clock, you could be there all night. It's like a cricket match. Joe's going to be fucking, Hi, how you doing it? You're all right? Hey. No, no, keep on doing everything. I'm trying to get the attention of the producers.

Yeah, but you get our attention. It's not even on. It's freezing. You've got to sit over there. We'll switch spots. Yeah, you're going to switch spots. The next time it goes back on, we'll switch. Great.

So, Then it's kind of a drizzly day. And at the end of the game... She goes, I'm going to pass out, Joe. I can't do the seven-inch stretch. Honestly, I didn't know that Papalvon was on and fucking mounted it. Papelbaugh, this was like 99. Those fucking Pedro's throwing nothing but gas.

And it's fucking taking forever. So then, at the end of the game, I'm like, all right, I know another thing. Let's go all the way down to field. Because the game's literally over now. Like, people are filing up. But I'm like, let's go get, let's go down the grass, see the front row since we were in the 58th row. We walk all the way down there. We look at the thing.

We don't even take a... We don't have cameras. We're just looking at them. Look at that. You can see the field. We look up. She was like, oh, my God,

I forgot my jacket. She had like a Mickey Mouse rain jacket. It's like 30 euros up. And I was like, oh shit, we'll go get it. And then a dude just came up the row,

took it, rolled it up and started walking away. And I just was like... I didn't go like, hey, that's not fucking... I just watched... We literally... What a fucking...

What a fucking... She's a little thirsty. Oh, no, I'm going to die. So one guy took all of my money The most unluckiest man ever What happened before I met your father? I'll tell you

I went to fucking Fenway with a fucking queer Don't let me get my Mickey Mouse jacket Fucking taken So what are you watching you go Oh look he sees it I did nothing I was like the guy in saving private Ryan The fucking homo type of guy

And so one man stole all of her money Another man took her jacket We just had to like get on the subway home They ran a train on her after where they were like, hey, fucking, you saw it happen. She's like, get him out. That hurts. Why wouldn't you just go get the guy?

I don't know. I was, yeah, I have bad parents. How far up was it? Was it? It was probably like 20, it was far, but like not so far that I could be like, hey, yeah, because in my mind, I thought he was upper deck. So you could have. No, no, no, we're on the same level.

So you could have done something. Yeah, yeah. I could have totally been like, you should have done something about it. And I had more time, like, there was a crap. Like, I could have caught up to him, but like, hey, that's her jacket. And by the way, the guy that takes a Mickey Mouse jacket walks off, that's Big Lewis energy, so he wants conflict. Yeah.

I think you're a pussy. I was the pussy. This is fucking... What a fun ruling. Rulings in. You're a bitch. You're a real pussy. You're a huge pussy.

Was she mad at you for not getting her coat? Yeah, it was awkward. It was definitely... It wasn't mad, but she was like, what is this? And I was like, ah, you left your job. So we're coming in the city, we're not even getting food? He goes, um, I can be, I don't know.

It was bad. I just handed a guy money to go to the bottom. Did you go to the fountain at least and get a sip of water? I think we did. It's so funny. We went to the white's only fountain. You take a sip. I cup, you sip.

Anyways, can anyone beat that? Oh, man. Bad date? Is that the... Yeah, just a date? Yeah, just like, you look like a fucking moron. Yeah, I took a hot girl at University of Arizona out for dinner, and I had zero.

money so I had to stretch it real thin and she was really hot and you could tell I was expecting something cool and I took her to Olive Garden and I remember when we pulled in Olive Garden she goes Olive Garden like that no it's pretty great I fucking love Olive Garden I love Olive's

I mean college age that's what you did you had Arizona's a different school like Arizona's got kids that are driving like range rovers and shit they have like their dad's credit card yeah but fucking Appleby's like Del Frisco's when you're a kid I know but for to her it was like she was a hot girl so she was like What is this?

Well, also, you don't realize, though, then is that, that can be charming. You're like, I'm the guy from the other side of the tracks. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. Yeah. Let me tell you right now, she didn't agree.

Because I remember what she ordered, I went, okay, and, like, changed my order. And you have to pivot. I'll just have the unlimited breadsticks. Yeah. Looks like it's a salad night for me. Don't stop it. That's the great old Justin McKinney joke

where you order from the price. He goes, I will have the additional topping. But, yeah, I remember I, she told me during dinner that I thanked the bus boy too much. Why did you thank the bus? Because you took our plates. So every time he took something, you thanked him?

Yeah, I'd still do that. Yeah, me too. Yeah, she was kind of a... But I remember being very embarrassed and knowing that I completely underwhelmed this woman. The drive home was completely silent. Even to the point where I heard the song, it was like putting in a CD, I go,

it was pretty good, and it was just quiet. It's not like a twat, though, this... I agree with it, though. You know what you thank the bus boy every time he takes a cup? It was, it was embarrassing. I know it was embarrassing. Oh, Olive Garden?

first hurt and then when she was kind of like she ordered like this um and i was like damn you wanted like sushi and shit fuck i fuck there's a great dish at olive garden that i used to love it was like little bow tie pastas whatever the sauce was with the chicken red uh fucking uh what do they call it uh sundryat tomatoes oh come on probably a nice light like parmesan sauce whatever that dish was was fucking phenomenal olive garden were fucking still slaps it's not bad it's pasta how do you fuck it up she could She could have got all this. I like a nice buffet pasta. What it was, it was a thing where I was trying to be an adult

because it was kind of like one of my first real dates. Yeah, you've got to figure out the tip. And I got to figure all that stuff out. But also, it was embarrassing because I was like, oh, I thought she was going to be like, oh, he took me out to dinner. And she was like, oh, it was like when it felt like a little kid showing you something and when you see a parent's not impressed where they go, cool, kind of like Bobby's story. We're like, oh, fucking neat.

That story got us a lot of heat. We did a lot of stuff before the end Yeah, you're right, we didn't interrupt it off. I just thought of another one. Yeah, let it rip. My worst date was when I was selling comedy club tickets. I met this girl who was a lawyer.

I was like 21, and she was like maybe 28, 20 inches of a lawyer. That's a full grown woman. But kind of hot. Yeah. Pretty hot. And then I remember, like, we went to, you know, Rudy's Times Square?

Yeah, of course, the hot dogs. Forty first and ninth. Six dollar pitchers of beer, free hot dogs. Joe and I used to go get black out there. I love that place. That's a great idea. Took her for some fucking hot dogs.

She's a lawyer. She's, like, dressing like a pantsuit. Yeah, she really thinks, you're right, this is her slum in it. She's like, I met this streeter, chint. Yeah, but then I... You can see what type of slet she is, how she eats the hot dog? Next one. Can I get two at a time?

She, I fuck her... No water. I fucked her in the bathroom. What? Was that bar or another bar? Oh, nice. Fucked her in the bathroom. First date?

Yeah. This is a bad date? Yeah, well, I'll tell you how it ends. Her husband showed up with a shotgun? Fucked her with a hot dog. She had a hot dog. So, you know, she was like, I never smoke weed. I'm a pot out.

I'm like, no, I got to smoke a bun on the corner. So just so, you know, I'm going to. Let me tell you right. And then I started pressuring her to smoke. Old Lewis would smoke a bowl. I've smoked weed most of my life. I would watch Lewis smoke weed in a way that I go like, oh, that's not good. He would just, like, pack a bowl and go like, in the whole bowl.

I used to not be able to do a subway right. I would go between the cars and smoke weed because I couldn't get to the stop. Insane. Yeah, yeah. So then this girl, she was like, I don't smoke weed. Like, I haven't, like, I did once when I was younger and it didn't end well. Makes me really violent.

I was like, come on. Just fucking take a hit. You're a little. Did she hit? She took out of weed? She literally, on the street corner in Times Square, she passed out. Literally completely. Lewis's picking her up, trying to make it look not.

It's not cool to everyone. Yes. It's my sister. It's a sleep. I'm literally kind of like shaking her and kind of dragging her. Lady, your tickets to stand up New York start in 45 minutes. You put it. No, dude.

I literally left her. She might be dead. No. You did not. I swear my son's life, I left her. You can't leave her. I love a woman in Times Square on a pre-smartphone?

2005 maybe. Yeah, way pre-smart phone. Yeah, I left her. That's Giuliani. Is that Bloomberg? Bloomberg was here. Yeah, Bloomberg. That's safe Times Square.

Yeah. But that's wild. An Elmo went by and touched her pussy. He was like. It'd be funny if she's still. Elmo tickled her? She's still in Times Square. She's still in Times Square.

Help me, mister. I'll fuck you in a bathroom. Lewis goes, where have I heard that before? Say that again? I said I'll fuck you in a bathroom for a head of a blood. You got any hot dogs? He pushes her face back.

It is you. I used to be a lawyer. Sure. I used to deal with the law. Lewis takes her home. It brings her back to health. I'm going to go nurse her. I'm nursing sluts back to health.

Poor gal. That's crazy. You just left her. Did you walk away and do that? this? Well, I was like, what am I going to do? I'm going to drag her? What the fuck am I going to do with her? Wake her up? She wouldn't wake up. Did you check for a pulse? Yeah, she was alive. Elevator feet. I didn't, actually, did. Did you sit her up? Like a... No, she was literally laid out. It was like three steps, like three, like a stoop. And she was laid

out like on the three steps. You should have put her out like tonic pain style. She was crawling up the stairs. It was like, so I left her on the steps with my semen in her pussy. Yeah. Anyways, I got to go. She literally might have my child right now. It's so funny. It's so funny. Dad? 21-year-old. Oh, what do you got, Joe?

The other embarrassing one was, you might know this story. My next girlfriend, who was from Denver, I didn't realize. She came to Whitman, Massachusetts, where I lived with my family, and I was like, you want to see the nicest house you've ever seen. Now, Whitman's a very blue collar. Some would say white trash town. Middle to lower middle class? Yeah.

And I was like, you want to see the nicest? Because there's just family that bought. below that they bought there was a family the Peyton's they had a house made it was the biggest house

I ever saw I was like you gotta see the chimney goes in the sky and I was like wait till you see this house he's got fucking driveway

you don't even got a pack on the line you don't get to back out and back in if somebody's behind you do you fucking pack wherever you were you can pull to the right

and to the left now in my defense you know some people got a thin car buddy they got a wrap around porch I love a wrap around porch in my

defense. It is a big house. It had like a wrap around porch, two levels. Yeah. And it had like a little, I don't know, almost like a lookout type of thing that you would have like a seaside house, but it's in Whitman. And it was white and a big lawn. And I literally pulled in front of it. I was like, did you whistle when you parked or did you go

I was like, take a look at that. You ever see anything like that? And she was like, I could get the mail for this house. I tell, I could tell by her reaction. She was like, wow. Like you could see that she was registered. I couldn't tell. I was Like, what's going on here? She gave to your penis.

She said, oh, that's going to hurt. So we had this kind of awkward moment. And then that was Thanksgiving. So Christmas, I went to her house. She's neighbors with Joe Sackick, who is the captain of the Colorado Avalanche. And her best friend is John Elway's daughter. Yeah, where she grew up is like, where she's from in Denver, she's very rich. Her house was bigger and nicer than the house.

She's from the reason. The reason I didn't like her was because literally of a high school rivalry. He was like, I'm dating this girlfriend. from Creek and I was like fuck those rich kids and he was like okay you're gonna be weird with my girlfriend and I was like yes Dan was dating a girl from a creek I found her in the mud

she was like she had a trout in her mouth she goes I want to sleep under the stairs but it was a moment when I pulled up from the airport to her house I was like you're mine I love you come to me Nell

speak your forest language at me. She slowly takes the fish out of her mouth and then bites the head off. Friend? Yes. Yes. Smell me. Then she gets scared at the last minute. No, I have more fish. I have more fish and deboned.

It was embarrassing because it took a month for the pay up. I was like, oh. She was, I'm going to pick you up from the airport and you go, look, we're out in the sticks. And then you pull up to a mansion, you're like, holy shit. It was embarrassing. I mean, literally, Joe Sacket. I mean, he makes $20 million a year. This egg was unbelievable.

John Elway. John Elway, King of Denver. Yeah. I can't believe Lewis left some chick in Times Square. That's a wild reveal. We're all embarrassed for our dates, and Lewis goes,

check this out. I killed the girl. I put a woman in the sewers, and then I escaped. You know, they were looking for me because I would send letters to the newspaper

saying they would never catch me. I want to find this woman. I would taunt the police that I would do it again, and they would get to it. Do you think his chick has this story? From her angle? He goes, honestly, I can't smoke weed.

I'll tell you why. I fucked a Mexican in a bar, and then he left me at Times Square. It's got to have gone really bad for you. For me? Yeah. How? Leaving a girl that, hold on. I'm not doing, you're allowed to leave a pass that woman on the street.

No, you are. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. You are. If she was killed, that is on her. No. Well, I think it's on the wrist. You drug.

No, all right. My semen being inside of her would have, that could have been bad. That's what I'm saying. Okay. I see what you're saying. Hey boss, we got a two for I happen this happened one time with a girl Me and this girl happened again

Me and this chick were having a threesome With this blackout drunk chick Like this girl was like fucking Maybe this should be a Patreon app Yeah, no no no hold on She wasn't blackout drunk yet Let me tell you what I'm joining To cover our legal fees

We fuck this girl Me and this chick fuck this girl Who was like a waitress at a comedy club But this girl was like a problem The waitress was or the girl No the waitress was The waitress was like Do you want to go out there

And just find a girl That has no idea What are you guys Vampires? No, listen. We must hunt. Let us hunt in the night. Me and this girl

brought this waitress from the Comedy Club home. Lewis goes, I don't know if I drink a blood. I don't know if I really want I drink this girl's blood. She goes, no, Lewis, drink with me.

No, we brought her home. Remember when you killed my sister? I'm square. This is revenge. We brought her home and we had sex and it was three of them was great. You had her?

And then we had a bottle of whiskey and then the girl, she was like, she was like, yeah, she's like a problem drinker. So she was like, oh, let me get a sip, right? And me and the other girl, they were, like, seeing each other, we're talking. And, like, in my peripheral, I see this girl, the waitress.

It's like, balushy and fucking animal house. I've never seen anything like this. I've never seen anybody drink like this in my entire life. She goes, wow, judge says I'm not supposed to have this. Dude, I should you not, she chugged, I want to say 60 to 70% of the whole bottle of whiskey. Does she belch after? She's like bra you guys ready to go again

You go top You go bottom My pussy might stink this time Might smell like a bowling alley in there But if you guys wouldn't mind Suckin's a bus I've never seen anybody Man or a woman

It's a little tiny girl I never seen anybody man or woman Like drink like that That was That's trauma It was a cutter She'd cut her arms I think I know exactly

Who you're talking about And she was beautiful But legitimately scared me Yeah she was a problem You would look at her eyes And you go I'm so sorry I'm so sorry.

Whatever happened to you, I'm so sorry. So she gets like, I'm talking about like. Oh, I know exactly. We're talking about like, text me the name, and I'll tell you if it is. Or text me to the club. I can say it the club, it doesn't matter. Early stand?

No. Really? Stand up in New York. So, uh, so she fucking, I'm talking about like, I've never seen, drunk to the blackout, like, to the point. And then she's like falling over the apartment. So then I was like, we're trying to take her home in a taxi.

We're like, we got to take her home. She didn't know where she lived. So at one point, like, we just got to, like, drop her off in the corner because I'd done this before. I know, I know. He goes, this old hat. When they don't respond.

He's got to prop them up like a scarecrow. You've never heard. Yeah. It's got to keep the birds away. You've never heard of a three asks, a three asks sit. You ask them three times what they're all right. If that's not right, put them on a curb. I leave a note in their pocket.

I do it. Also, I pose them silly. I call this the thinker. He's like, get her head stable. I was like, to the girl, I was like, we got to just leave her. I was like, I don't. know what to do here. I was like, she doesn't know how to get home. She doesn't know where she's at. And then the girl was with, she was like, she was like, if you

leave her, it was in Harlem. She's like, if you leave her in a corner home, she's going to get murdered and, and she was like, your DNA is all over this girl. I was like, fuck. So it ruined my entire night, having to fucking, like, two hours to get this girl sober and competent enough to figure out where she lived. Then she grabbed the whiskey bottle again. You went, no, you just undid everything I did. Wait, when she was drinking it, the thought of you having a conversation and then just seeing it the corner of your eye real, that was really hot when you guys It was nuts

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I do use them, and I love them. And the good thing about these things, that little capsule, I like that they reinvented it a little bit. It's not like the other ones, you know what I mean? The other ones we can't talk about. Yeah. Nobody wants the other ones. The best one on the planet.

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What about you, Bobby? What are you about bad dates? Did you not have one? I don't know if I had bad dates. Always got pussy? No, I mean, I'm really, I don't know, dude. I was in, I went to the, you know where I have my tiny house, you know, Where's Beach, right? Yeah.

Where's Beach is like that lake town with all the little carnival shit. Yeah. And it has, you know, the lake is right there and all that bullshit. But if you go there and off season, like, what's Lake? It's, um, it's, it's kind of dead. And it's just locals. There's no, there's no families. It's just local.

Hey! Just a guy in jeans up to his knee in the wall. water. But me and my friend Jamie, who is this Italian kid from the North End of Boston. Thank you. I fucking knew that, Joe. I felt it in my soul that I bond. It's winter, so I don't really get it.

Why is he in the water? I don't know, dude. But can I tell you right now, I wasn't really listening? And then I jumped in late. And I really missed. We drove up there to, my uncle had a pop up trailer. So I was like, hey, let's go up there. We went down to Where's Beach, me and this dude, and we saw these two local

chicks walking. One was a blonde girl, and the other one was just a fucking monster. Yeah. And my other friend, very good-looking dude. So you knew he was going to get the top choice. She sat in the front, I had to sit back with this shoulder monster. You know, you're not supposed to eat the ribs with the bones in them? So we pulled into this motel that was shut down for the season.

Are you in a horror movie? We were trying to find a place to fuck around with these chicks. Did the women know that? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, these are local chicks. and the blonde girl, she was pretty,

but her eyes were, like one went that way and one went straight. Well, yeah, you guys are discount shopping. She had summarized. Summarized went this way, summarize it that way. Also, you can't be doing that when you're by a lake in the winter.

So he was up front, and she was all over and playing with his cock and blowing him. And I'm in the back seat, just being a team player. And this girl next to me, she just goes,

I'm hungry. No, she goes, I want to fuck. Whoa. And I was like, all right. Chill out. I guess I can help you. And my friend turns around, I say, dude, come on, man, Soppy, just fucking, who gives a shit?

We're in the woods, just give it to her. Well, I'm pretty sure she's retarded. And I'm like, I don't know. Is it, dude, just fucking, come on. And she's like, come on, I'm going to fuck. Wait, she was giving you bottom jaw energy the whole time. Yeah. Come on.

That made me, that made me like this. Oh, yeah? That would get me going. I go like this. Oh, yeah, we're going to fucking. I would come so fast. That's the kind where you put it in, you feel like, oh, fuck. What am I doing it?

This girl looked like Danny if she was fat, if he was fat. Get me hard. It was, uh, so I don't know, I just started, you know, we started banging. She pulled her fucking, she had old women undies on that came up over her belly button. Oh, I like that. Oh, it was gross. And then we started fucking. And then I remember he turned the lights on and he turned to the back.

He goes, dude, I was fucking kidding. Are you out of your fucking mind? Don't fuck that. Oh, my God. And I, I, she went, that's rude. And she's getting fucked. She's like She was on bottom

She goes She was too heavy She was what are you talking about And I remember I jumped off And I just got out of the car And I was pissed Back away Where are you going

There's just steam Coming off her pussy Into the winter air He's like dude It's fucking all over me dude It's like the fucking alien Yeah I didn't have too many I didn't

I mean the hermaphrodite was weird What? Jamie Lee Curtis You dated Jimmy Lee Curtis? No there was a new waitress At the Boston Comedy Club She was smoking And every comic wanted her

Yeah And I want to Pooking up with her on Halloween Yeah well Have trick or treat She goes You want to see my costume You want to see my Halloween

Yeah I got something real spooky for you Why should shake your voice like that Halloween is good Halloween is fantastic That needs to be the name of the episode Halloween So I remember

We hung out And we went up making out It was fucking, I mean, I liked her. You ever like a girl where you don't want to try to fuck around with her that night because you want to have, you know, just let her know that, you know. Nope, never. Always was going. I wasn't going for it.

Oh, I'm going to save this dessert. Well, I will say this. There's times where you're like, fuck girl for the first night. I'm like, I would like you, but you fucked me the first night. So now this will never be anything more than that. A plus plus team player. Way to show up and do the job. I wanted this to go to another date.

You know what I mean? And she worked at the club. So we wanted to make it out. She went home. The next night she came back. She was heading night off. I'm at the cellar. Patrice is here.

And I would go to the meneta tavern in between sets. And I went over there with Patrice because I knew the bartender, my friend Sam. And I go, hey, dude, I got to go. Will you hang out with her until I'll be right back after my spot? And I came back. And Patrice was just sitting at the bar. He was just like, I'm like, what's up? He's like, hang on one second.

Miss. Give me one sec. And he goes, Bobby. Bobby, real quick. And he goes, Miss. can you do me if just put you put your hand up for a second and she put her hand up and he put his hand up next to her absolutely no problem her it was fucking it was just massive like that and patrice just pointed out her neck he goes you yo man it's so funny oh my god and he walked

away i'm like uh what that's like that's like that's like patrice goes it's counterfeit and then we we went back to my house well you still took her home yeah after he gave you a display like she was a draft prospect well i didn't know you know what i mean like i didn't know so i took her home we went back to my place on 97th and lex and uh she went to the bath and i rummaged through a purse and i found her id and it said daniel daniel it's daniel's fine daniel daniel fuck me daniel lee oh it's that name it's like me you know what i mean it wasn't like wendy that's the turn it was actually me i went can i be on your podcast i do macho man Here's what I can bring to the table.

She came out of the bathroom, like, and we were just like close face to face about the kissing. I go, stop your dick. I go, wait, are you a man? And she went, oh, that's where the date goes. I go, fuck. I think I speak for everyone when I say, ew, Bobby. She goes, she goes, I'm not a, I'm not a, um, transsexual.

I was born with both body parts. Oh, that's fun. It's hot. I was born with both. I'd be done, that range. they had to make a decision if I was going to be a woman or a man. And they decided I was a man.

So, long story short, long story short, absolutely, bro. Are you staying or are you going? We're going hats off on the couch. And we rod dogged it on Billy Burr's bed. Really? Oh, fuck. We, no, she had a vagina.

She did. I have sucked on some big old clits that were like pretty, like, to the point where you're like, what is this? What do you mean? What is it's a, like, it's a, Pull it out of your mouth, go. Like, yeah, like, it made a sound?

A knuckle, yeah, dude. Lewis, go. To a point of, is this a clit? But a clit, can I, I don't know, I'm just saying. Got to be clitting me. A clit. But walk off, dude, just go home. So the balls, I could be wrong.

The balls are the pussy lips. At some point, they split and make labias. The clit is the penis. Is it now? Am I right in that? So when a woman, when a woman takes... Go to the clip. Dick is a lot higher than the clip.

When a woman takes testosterone and, like, bodybuilders, the clip becomes a dick again. Yes. Am I right? I have seen the- I've got to piss so bad. This is the best body-brain coffee ad ever. Take body-brain coffee. Get your clit huge. Get your clit like a large guy.

Hey, do you want a clit that fucking hangs in your pants? The labia, the outerfold of the skin are. Homo, homologna. To the scrotum. So there you go. The sack that holds the test. So it is. The labia is the sack that holds the scrotum.

Homologics. The balls, and they divided from the same... All right, during development in the womb, the structure, becomes labia majoria in a female fused to form the scrotum to a male. That means, so yeah, the balls... It's not gay at all. The balls are... Check out.

You know what? It checks out. There you go. Turns out you ain't gay. Yeah. I sucked that dick good. No, she didn't have a penis. She did have...

You put yourself inside of her. No, I didn't. Okay. No, but we did make out, and I felt it. It was after you found out. After you found out. After I found a, she was in her, after. You still hooked up with her.

No, I didn't hook up. She was, you were kissing. We didn't have sex. Kissing is way worse. No, dude, not when he's, not when he's fucking grabbing your hair. What? He's palming your head like a basketball. Oh, wait, come here, a little buddy.

Oh, look at this. Honestly, I'd probably toss you around. You might want to get it. While Joe's piss and let's do plugs. Plug it up. I plugged last episode. Yeah, Bob. You go first.

Thank you. Lewis. Punchup. Live slash Robert Kelly. I'm all over the place. And then we've got to hear the story about your brother-in-law. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I'm Houston, Tulsa. Oh, yeah. That's a good one, dude. Good way to bring that up.

Hollywood, Florida. Orlando, Rochester. I'm all over the place. All my dates are up there. Please go there. Buy your tickets now. I'm in Tampa coming up. I'm excited. Port Charlotte. And anyhow, I'm going to be doing a few shows with Shane, too. I mean, that guy is fucking.

So, if you're doing a few shows. some Shane gigs? What cities are you doing? I don't know. I don't know this somewhere. I'll jump on there. I would fuck. I mean, I'm on the road nonstop. I don't think I can't before you're in there. I'm telling you, dude. Have you done any of these shows? We've all thought they're fun. They're the best. It's the best. So make sure you go to

Punch Up. Live. Who's on the computer right now? Paco. It's always Paco. Why don't you just keep my dates up till I'm done plugging? Fuckface. Is he? It sounded like you were. Can you control him? My, yeah, my Shane dates are up there somewhere.

I don't know where they are because he's not finding them, but whatever. And my special's up there, too, live from the Village Underground that I shot here and go to my YouTube page. Now I'm done, Paco. They're there, right there. Oh, nice, dude. Houston, Tulsa, and Florida. He's doing two at the Hard Rock. Wow.

Damn it, dude, that's when I'm in L.A. or else I'd come hang out for that. I'm going to start drinking again. No, you're not. He's really cool. He understands. He goes out drinking and the people that don't. Just go back to the hotel. Louis, what do you got? Come up. See me on the road, guys. This is going to be out in a few weeks, right? So Key West, coming up, Levittown, New York, Saratoga Springs, Kenosha, Wisconsin, Springfield, Missouri, Chandler, Arizona, Nashville, Tennessee, and more. Go to Lewis of Skanks.com, grab those tickets, bring five friends tour. Check out all the other pods they do. Legion of Skanks, Story Wars, my solo podcast. Pre-order my book, Knives and Spoons on Amazon right now.

and just thanks for being you guys. Hey, everybody, I'm on the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. I don't know when this is coming out, but if it's before September 26th, Seattle, I'm going to be at the Moore Theater on the 26th, and then Tucson. I'm going to be at the Rialto, October 3rd, Denver's close to sold out. Knoxville, Atlanta, and Louisville,

and also Providence and Nashville are all happening in October. Go to DanSoter.com for the full tour. And if you're on the East Coast, We will be announcing East Coast dates soon for 2026, but please go buy tickets to that tour. The show is going to be a lot of fun. Danceorder.com. Goodbye. Hi.

Hopefully you're not done. It's like we're passing the phone around, you know, when they used to call. Okay, Joe's going to come on. My latest special small balls on YouTube for free, and my film, Tom Dustin, Portrait of a comedian, is climbing the charts. You can get that for $6, $9. You get the movie, a full audio commentary, two live Q&As at like 90 minutes each, one with Tony V, one with Roy, Ron Bennington. And you get a full 45-minute special that I shot and never released. And also, I will be in Irvine, California, October 2nd through the 5th or 2nd through the 4th at the Improv.

And then Dallas, October 23rd through the 25th, Dallas, Texas, Lexington, Kentucky. I didn't even know about that one, December 4th through the 6th, and that's it. And I think my special is coming out the last week of October, it looks like. That's a quick turnaround. Yeah, we shot in July. Is that a big turn? Does that quick turnaround? Well, I always wait so long.

Why, because you want to keep on touring with the material? Yeah. Me too. Well, I want to get new material. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I got five new minutes. Come see that. Come see my five new unworked out minutes.

I'm doing roguer. that weekend kill Tony that week so big Austin pop yeah big Austin pop well you're in the rogan sphere I am in the Rogan sphere now you're one of Rogan's guys I yeah I didn't I text him if we could do the podcast me and J again when we're there you didn't get back to me and I was like we're out of the Rogan's here then he got back to me and then he said we're back in he blessed you we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna show up in Halloween costumes and not tell him that's very funny what are you doing the Rogan you're doing the Rogan at the end of October we're doing story wars at um is he doing it mothership I don't you know he wants

to do it. I think a lot of people are just like, they don't know, they don't get it. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's the most fun podcast, yeah. It's so fucking fun. It's so fun when you do it. It's so easy. But I understand the trepidation because, like, last time I did it, I was a little upset because I couldn't, like, the stories weren't as easy because they changed the subject at the last minute. Oh, right. But then you get it in and you go, this is so fun. They ate them. They ate what? I bought six, and I ate two. Who the fucking? Who ate the cookies? Who ate the cookies? Who ate the cookies? Danny asked if you that one. And then I had a second one. What?

I asked if I got out one in the night a second You didn't ask about the second You just ate Dani took what together the change and have him Go out what about what about two What are the other two you got six You had two he had two Who stole the cookie from I didn't have any

I had none I didn't have the other two Dude I ate too much sugar last weekend I have to stay off sugar I had some I'm afraid of dying Who had the other two? There was another one The I had one

Danny did you have three cookies I had two cookies Danny Danny Danny Danny I had two cookies Hey we're not going to send Danny, we're not going to send you to Australia. But did you have three cookies? Just tell the truth right now.

Listen to me, you're not in trouble. Just get it right now because if we find out later. We're not going to make you do a web series or marry Dave Smith. You got to be honest with us. I had two cookies. I had three. Pocko, did you get five? Six cookies.

We call that a Filipino half a dozen. That's five. I mean, somebody's just lying right now. That's weird. Why would you lie about a cookie? I know it ain't Lewis and I know it ain't me because we eat clean. Did you eat four cookies, you fat fuck? It is possible, but I don't think.

Joe, that's crazy. The fact that you eat this way is fucking bonkers. It's nuts. I don't think I did. Joe, four cookies is fucking wild. You do look good. Yeah, you do. Your arms look very good.

Not as good as baby James. Yeah, your son's shredded. Speaking of family that can beat you up, are you nervous? Oh, I don't know, dude. Because sometimes when family doesn't get jokes, it sucks. What's that mean?

This is so funny. Like when family gets mad about jokes that you make publicly? Don sent me a audio voicemail. A voicemail she got from her. Her old, a very large brother. Very strong, giant man. He was a correctional officer. Yeah, he'll toss you around.

Big. He's a big kid. His kid's a big. He's got to take contraband off you. His sons could fuck me. Oh, he's got to call him and they're going to surround you like hyenas. But she sent me this voicemail. It's so funny.

It was the thick. Well, fire, we have to do these other shows. They plug us in to, like, other... Yeah, to promote serious X-Han. Old, you know, classic rock. For sure. And I guess I did... I waited eight years to do it on lithium, and they never had me do it.

I did... I was like, I can do all the 90s shit. I used to do radio, and they were like, great. And then eight years, they're like... They had me. That's fun. That's what they had me. That's so great.

I love Yot Rock. I put it on when I shower. I get high, and then I take a shower to Yacht Rock. It's fantastic. Hello? Hello. I just heard Bobby announcing a song on Yacht Rock Radio, Caribbean Queen. He said he wanted to marry a Caribbean queen, but he ended up with the chubby girl from Everett.

That's not right. A little mad at that. All right. Give me a call. Oh, no. I'm in a fucking, I know how much anxiety. I listen to it. It gave me anxiety.

Does it? It looks, yeah. I mean, it's not like I. It's a joke. It's a joke. It's about your wife. You love, you're obsessed with your wife. She was the bottom of the pyramid.

That's so funny. On the cheerleaders. But it's, what do you want me to do? I mean, if that's actual fact, then you just have to take that. She's a fact. Look, I go to her house. There's a pyramid. Cheerleaders. There's Dawn on the bottom holding up the fucking other ones.

It's the structure clause. You're out. It gives me anxiety. Yeah, I know. The call of like. So what's going to call this guy? I'm not going to call him or call her and say, why don't you fucking get your shit together. You're not at.

When did this happen? You're not going to talk to her. Protect me from your brother. I'll talk to her right now. This is active? This just happened? Yeah. When did you send it?

When did she send? Oh, God. I said this between episodes. That's so funny. That's what I was in the back, downstairs, I was like, oh my God, this is giving me anxiety. This fucking rules.

It's making me so happy. I hope he beats your ass. She's not going to answer. No, she will. She never answered. Do you want me to call her? What? I guarantee her if Louis calls she'll answer.

Oh, she'll answer. Oh, she'll answer. I would make me so happy If I came home And you were just fucking tanking her Your call has been See she never answered She never answered

Oh god but she sent that to you That's a great move That's fucking great That's an anxiety grenade What was her message with? Nothing Just the message That was absolutely anxiety

She mad She said just that But sometimes though If you are not offended But then someone else Befended Behaned You're right

That was a flat On your behalf. Yeah. I love my... Who's that? Is that him or her? You know what I mean? I love Dawn.

That'd be great if it was him. He's like, what, Bobby? You're fucking dead. Dawn. You're live on the regs. Oh, God. Why? Because your brother's hilarious voicemail?

What? Are you... Is he mad? No, I think he's just messing around. Are you sure? Yeah, he might have to... I want to know, are you mad? It's not right.

Are you mad? No, I'm not mad. All right. That's yes. I know that. I know that I'm not mad. Mama, I love my little bottom of the pyramid from Everett. She goes, all right, well, you clothes are in the lawn.

All right, well, your suits are outside, so we'll see you later, Robert. Don't call your son. He's mine now. I call your brother and make sure he's not mad, mad, because I don't want to deal with that D'Rilla. Yeah, you call him on the air. Call on her, Dawn, Dawn, call him on her. Send me his number.

Oh, wait, Dawn. Okay. Could your brother beat up? Could your brother take Bobby in a fight? I don't know about now. Oh, so that's a very polite way of saying yes. She goes, I don't know. They're both white wolves.

All right. I love you. I'll talk to you later. I love you, bye Bye That's that Chinese girl That's that Chinese girl She's like I'm outside

That's an assassin Yeah She goes That chick Don't be here in an hour That chick showed up She looked like a Like a

We didn't know if it was She looks like she kills people With her thighs And then you see the back of her The license plate was covered She covered There was no You couldn't see it

Doggy Yeah she's It makes it It makes it It makes it It's a little harder She had armpit hair too Oh

I kind of like that I thought I thought I fucked her with armpid hair One time Yeah Did you pull it? You go, fuck.

Well, it was, when it's not on tech, I used to just fucking, it was like my game. It was like, any girl I would just like, it was part of the pitch. It was like, well, let's go have sex in a park or something. And then I'm- And I'll leave you. I met this girl, and I fucked it. It was February, New York City, like, freezing. And I took her to Central Park and I started fucking her, like, behind the wall in Central Park. And we're like, this.

How? Was there a pussy like a taunt-ton? Yeah. How did that's so funny? Sleep inside for warmth. Yeah. But then she was like, oh, I'm saying in this hostel. She was like, it's too cold.

It was like, let's just go to the hostel. And then I fucked her on, like, the pool table of the hostel. On the upper side. Well, some Finnish kid was like, I would like to finish my shot. You're going to get bedbugs. She wasn't allowed to have guests because it was a hostel. So we just went to the game room. I fucked her in the game room.

And then, uh... Do you think someone watched on the camera and jerk off? She was like a punk rock chick. She had, like, fucking armpid air. And then, then she came to my show in Key West. She lives in Key West. Wow. Yeah.

Makes sense. What a reveal. And her name? Tom Dustin. Portrait of a comedian available Now on Lunchup Live. I watched the whole thing. Incredible.

Thank you. Oh, yeah. That was good. You went back and watched the whole thing. Are you going to call your brother-in-law? I just, I did it. We had two full weeks,

so I went to watch the whole thing. So much has happened. I watched it twice. Hey, Joe, can I get a little sidebar with you? I think Los is bullshit. What? I cannot wait for y'all specials. Buddy, I watch.

it. I did. I don't believe you did. What did I text you? How does it end? Ends in a sad but not, I mean, it's like almost like maybe, hopefully he gets his shit together, but you never know. He hasn't drank in two months. Oh, really? Oh, good. What did I tell you that when I watched it? Now we can't perform though. What did I tell you when I watched it?

I don't remember, but there you go. Wow. Wow, Joe. Yeah, I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't remember the time call your brother-in-law. Got to do on before you on the episode right now. That's good radio. I don't know.

Oh, if he's mad, it's so funny. Yeah, I'm telling you right now, it's the end of the episode, and this is a perfect way to go out. I don't think he was fucking around. He said, that's not right. Yeah, he goes, that's not right. No, it didn't sound like he was fucking around at all.

Yeah, but Boston people always have that attitude. They do. No, when someone from Boston says that's not right, you're in serious. Yeah, it's shit. Trouble. Why am I sent my... By the way, I asked Joe for a screener, and he said no.

Damn! Wow! He said the Jewish community's taken enough. Hang on. Damn. He said I have the $6. Damn. That's right.

I do it later. Yeah. Why would I, why should I. It's so funny that you got it. I caught it. I caught it, but I was like, oh, that was weird that I did that. And you fucking. Watched Bobby get it.

Oh, yeah. All right. I don't, I don't, I mean, we feel it love to you. Remember the time. It's too late for me to eat lunch. Why? It's so hungry. Three o'clock.

It's the oldest thing. You want to get some mamoons? No, because I think we're going to eat dinner at like 7.30, so I'm going to go. All right, here we go, ready? Are you ready? I don't want to do this. Do it. Do it, dude.

Do it, dude. All right, but we have to be quiet. Let's actually be respected to this man. I don't want to fucking do it. Just call him and ask him. I don't want to do it. I'll call him. No, I don't want you talking to anybody in my family.

I take that back. You love me. You're part of my family. Okay, here we go. We'll stay quiet. No, shit. It's not him. He texted somebody to pretend to be him.

he answered already he loves Trump I just say Trump 2028 you think I'm like that's unconstitutional

if he doesn't answer because he doesn't know he doesn't know he doesn't you got a text him back hey it's Bobby he knows who it is how do you know

you don't have his number why would you have your number I have any automatic voice message yeah cut that all text him

text him I am like hey it's Bobby call me I call me I'm so horny I need you yeah you'll never guess what I'm wearing I think Bobby's pulling a trick he texted

VOT not Voss somebody without a speech and said pretend to be What did you say Danny? Oh earlier? I don't know somebody just said Oh here he is Oh my god Go go go go

Hello Hey I don't like my sister Being called a fat girl from everything Okay you're live on my podcast I don't like that I don't think I said fat. I think I said chubby.

Well, chubby. It's the same thing, I think, mister. All right, listen. What I'm saying is, I mean, she was, all right, listen, can we go back a little bit? You remember when you lived in the house, right? Yes, I do. You remember she was a cheerleader?

Yes, she was a lovely cheerleader. And where was she on the pyramid? At the bottom of the pyramid defense. She was at the bottom of the pyramid. That's the name of the bottom. I'm on the pyramid. Richie, listen. But you used to hold up four girls.

Yeah, there you go. I mean, I'm on the money with this. I mean, they weren't throwing Dawn up for flips. You know, it's funny as everyone eventually becomes a brother and goes on. You want to show all the time? You're up rock radio? Not all the time, just a little bit. I was doing a little thing.

I didn't. It's not right. All right. Listen, I'm sorry. I love. your sister she's the okay i'm so glad it did not get a blue-eyed caribbean gorgeous i know bobby caribwell caribbean girl yeah i don't want that i'm so glad i got a it's billy ocean it's caribbean queen it's billy ocean it's creepy oh billy o't that was but i i'm i'm so happy with

my polish little everett chubby all right very good that's all i want to know all right all right all right buddy hope everybody's doing good today all right I'll talk to you later. Bye. Bobby, let me tell you that. The way you litigated that. That was pretty good. Beautiful.

Thank you. Put the fucking knife down, Dan. You don't know how to use it. I am. You don't know how I feel. I'm a master of cutler. You're not. I'm a master of knives.

Hey, I get drunk. You're not a master of anything sharp. You've not had a childhood that played with knives. Yeah, first off. What did you do? From Colorado. You think we weren't playing with knives? You guys were involved.

You're not playing with guns. What are we? That's my family. Creek girl. How do you think I found the love of my life eating fish out of a creek? Out of a crick. He was washing his knife.

Out of a crick. No, you can trust me. All right, listen to everybody. That's the show. Thanks for listening to again. Check out all our shows. Check out the producers, them. Their social media and stuff like that.

But make sure you come to our shows. Come up to us after the show and let us know you're a regs fan. We'll give you a big hug. Get the body brain coffee right now. For Lewis, check out Joe's movie right now. and check out all our specials. We'll see you guys next time on the regs.

Bye. Bye. Thanks, guys. That was fun. That was great. A great idea. Yeah, thank you. A break was a good idea.

Thank you. It's good doing it. I love you guys so much. This was, I was like, after traveling yesterday, I was like, it's going to be tough. That was so easy. So easy. It was so fun. Thanks for calling your brother.

I know that was weird shit, but I think I'm doing a, at Skangfest, I think we're going to do a boxing Royal Rumble. Oh, my. Please do it on Sunday. so i can see it every uh i think we will are you saying to every one man in commande right now myself 20 spots 20 people i love it if you take you or get knocked down you're out