Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Breadwinner

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

From her recent comedy special "Way After School Special," Tammy Pescatelli is on to talk being a mom in comedy and supporting a family when the industry is closed! Tammy, Bobby and Calta all get into the difference between getting famous and being funny in today's climate and how to play the cards you've been dealt!  Check out Tammy's latest special here. Follow @RobertKelly www.ykwdpodcast.com For advertising inquiries: [e-mail]  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yeah baby we're starting the podcast right now. We're back, you know what to do live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKW. I started the social media podcast. The VAC. YKW. Do podcasts.

YKW. These back again. Old school back in the day. We're all starting before them all. YKW. The podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up!

You're ruining this! Bring the bar down, man. Sorry. It's not any podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original original.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, what the fucking.

Hello everybody. Let me introduce everybody. Of course, my man, my bed number one best friend, my COVID buddy, my Calta is here. We got Gabby, no boobs, Brian is here. I've no good. Oh God, you could fucking float her to England. That's how flat she is. Looks like it's air is sitting on the chair. And we got the mush who's literally sitting like a mush and very special guest tonight. No, not you. That's very special guest tonight. We have Tammy pescatelli one of my my old friends for a long, long time. We met at a steam room in Mulchery. Oh, that's not her. That's not her for some reason. That was that was crystal clear.

Yes, that was that was crystal clear. Um, can I have a picture of your anus? Um, no, I was just, we did meet in Montreal at the festival before I had kids. Before we had kids, we met on the way. You were going down to the gym. Yeah. And I was going from the gym, believe it or not, I think. Yeah. I can't. We crossed paths. it or not, I think. Yeah. I can't go cross pass.

Or maybe there's the other way around. I wish I was you with no boobs over there. I love you. I now have boobs on my back after this quarantine. I've gained so much weight. I don't even care anymore. I think I'm gonna go try to gain more so I could play the big fat chick in all these TV shows.

But they don't have her anymore. She's just called Nancy now. Yeah, and she's never, there's never a big white fat chick. You can't. I think they have one, they have one fat white chick on that show. What's that show? Yeah, this is us. They have one big big, they're allowed one big white check, but she has to be proportionate.

I'm now fatter than Adele. That's where my life is. That Adele is thin and I said boy, I really, but I don't care. I don't care anymore. What do you do if you're that fat chick from this is us and now you're famous and you have money and people could cook for you and you can get a trainer and you're like, well, fuck that. Oh, if I get skinny, I'm gonna screw this roll up. Yeah, that's what happens to those girls. That is truly dope.

Like, think about Jennifer or what's her name? Jennifer Gray, they got her nose fixed. And no one cared anymore. Like, you don't look unique. You didn't get, you can't compete with the rest of these. These broads are smoking. Don't tell me this I'll fire a lot of control. Don't give me that. Dennis Larry said this to me five years ago on the one we shot shooting the pilot of sex and drugs. I lost 40 pounds in between booking it and shooting it. And then he goes, what are you doing?

I wrote a bunch of fat jokes. I've been thinking by the craft services eating fucking peanut butter and jelly and donuts, you clock sacca. And I went off the rails. Well, it's the truth. You gotta know your role. Like I never wanted to be perfect because I knew I wasn't.

So I stayed in comedy and it was good enough. You know what I mean? It was never, you know, I once lost a job when Jeffrey Ross, like I got cast with Dane, your buddy Dane, remember, you were touring with him when we both got cast as the whole. I was his co-host on Doggy Dog and then Dane left and then they cast Jeffrey Ross in his place and they had to buy me out of my contract because he said that Jeff was not attractive enough. They said he was so they said we have to get a supermodel to balance out Jeff's face. So that was it's insulting to everybody.

He's so ugly that it's causing you to... I love, I, I, he's so ugly I got fired. That's what it is. Listen, it's saying that as a joke but it makes sense. True, it's an interesting story. Like, you have to laugh at it now but that's exactly like that. Thank God I was able to do more stuff. But can you imagine if that had been my only shot and I quit and went home,

because I was so depressed, because. Right, right. Why don't they fire his ugly face? Well, because they got him to come, Dane got cast and I got cast as, you remember that show? Jeff, it was, and then I got replaced by that super smoking hot,

super model that Burke Burke, because that's what they said they needed. So it was Jeffrey Ross and that Brooke Burke girl. What's the show name? We have a producer that will look it up. Dog eat dog. Remember that? It was like 2003 or four somewhere around.

I produce is not blind. His monitor's that way. How you been, man? How's father had how the kids? How's family? How's father, how are the kids? How's the family? How you handling COVID in the house? I can't, I was watching that full house TV show in the middle of COVID and you know how they say,

everywhere you look, there's a face, there's a face, you know the theme song, it goes everywhere you look, there's a face, there's a face, and I'm like, that's what this was. Every time I turned around, there was somebody in the three months that was in this house with me. There was a face everywhere. Okay.

When did there was someone? None of them were John Stamos. Yeah. Well, thank God. He would have left me. I'm too fat for him. Why do you think you're fat? We would be the first people to tell you if you looked fat.

I know what I look like. I'm walking from here up. I'm walking from here up. You see me from here up. I can see, yeah, I mean, you could also tell by shoulders and arms on it. I mean, that's where we all get shot from here up. But I'm also 50. This is how you tell. How?

You know your jeans, the inside of your jeans, will you thighs rub together? Are they wearing holes? They're wearing out. Who put on jeans, we thighs rub together, are they wearing holes? Who put on jeans, Bobby? That's fair. Don't waste putting on jeans. I got a whole zoo best. Joey Butterfucko pants. I'm walking around looking around.

I was worried when you came, when Bobby came to do comedy, I was like, I had to put fucking jeans on for the first time three months. I didn't know what was going to happen. Did they fit? They did, but I was like, I had to put fucking jeans on for the first time three months. I didn't know what was going to happen. Did they say? They did, but I was also on a diapet. I was afraid I was on a lower rivet, putting those things on. I was just talking to somebody about this. It's, it looks very bleak, especially here in New York. Yes. Once the unemployment is gone next month and once people get evicted because they don't have the money and there's no job to go back to.

And once people lose their apartments because they can't afford to pay the mortgage. It's going to get real bad in New York. It's going to become the 80s. I'm not here. I can't get unemployment because Pennsylvania, I live in a Commonwealth, Pennsylvania, tried since March 18th. I lost 47 gigs that afternoon, seven rescheduled so far. I mean, I just I dropped two specials on that weekend. On Saturday was on showtime, showtime special. My special came out March 17th, March 18th.

They closed everything down and I lost everything. It was like so crazy, which is appropriate timing. Because anytime I have heat, there's always the world is coming to an end. So it's appropriate. I mean, look at that's your last specialist of special last night, we must still another one. Fuck. Fucking women telling jokes. Uh-huh. At this point, I do a show for the Taliban. I mean, I get, I get no, it's all humiliation all the time right now.

Tomorrow probably go to home. People come out of Pennsylvania, it doesn't recognize entertainers as an occupation. So I tried three times to get pandemic unemployment. Well, there's a special unemployment you can get for entertainers. Yeah, that's in New York, okay. There's nothing. Trust me, I have people call my state senator. The great part about this is when you tell people that you're not getting money, everybody talks, not you, you didn't just do it, but people will talk to you as if you're an idiot and you don't know how to figure out the computer.

Have you called? Yeah, I've called 1283 times this week. It rings busy. I taught my son what a busy signal was. Like you're writing on a pamphlet and just want to know, let's be true. Yeah, I just assume. I was, you know, really I was supposed to call, I was trying to,

I was going to teleport. I was like trying to mentally, ask really project to the unemployment office. What do you put down on your on your taxes? Social security number. And on your taxes, what do they have you listed as for your job? And then a trainer, now how do you, how about that? If I don't, and I have a corporation, so I've been paying tons of corporate tax.

Listen, a lot of people have worse than me. It'll be fine. I'll figure it out. I'm a hustler, a hustle. I've always known. That's the good news about my life. I've never had so much, I've had just enough success that I haven't forgotten how to hustle and get by.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm the same way. I'm the fucking same way. Yeah. I mean, me and Mike, we did thank Mike Calta. I could spend the rest of my life thanking Mike Calta. Listen, I'm going to custom to be enriched. He's this would not suit me well.

If I didn't, I'm still working. Yeah. Yeah. Mike, me and Mike doing the show every night and we actually hit something. So it's, you know, the fans responded and everything's going good. But still, it's, if this doesn't get back to normal soon, I'm going to, I'm going to have to move so far into the woods. Come by me. I got a lot of what, I will say this, there's not a lot of COVID out here.

I never had an issue. I got toilet paper every time I wanted it. Milk, it was all here. I had just left New York. Thank God, the week before I brought everybody out, because we were all there for the little spring break or whatever. But there is something, it's terrible, it's fucked up, but there is, there is,

but good things have happened during the pandemic too. Like I, Hold on, let me get a piece of paper and write this down. I went back to meetings. I got my brain back together. I got to finally spend time with my family, which I never get to do.

Because I'm on my way Thursday to Monday, every fucking weekend forever. I'm home on a Friday in a Saturday with my kid, you know, if my kid had to go through this and me on the road, I don't, he'd be fucking twisted. The fact that I'm here with him and I get to be his pal, because he got, he has no brothers, the sisters. He's saying his, his saying his friends aren't coming over as much as I'd like, you know. So I'm kind of his buddy. So there are good things about that. I mean, I can't cheat on my wife, which sucks, but, you know, I mean, she can't

cheat on you anymore, except what goes to get. I was on stage the night before I gave birth. Like, I didn't mean to. My son came early, but we don't get a maternity plan in comedy. There was no, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, I was on stage the night before I gave birth. Like, I didn't mean to, my son came early, but we don't get a maternity plan in comedy.

There was no maternity leave. If I didn't work, like the baby wasn't coming out of me with a wallet, you know, I needed to work. So I was a governor's till, you know, the day before I gave birth. So I didn't know what it was like to really be home more than three weeks at a stretch, even with my son this full time. Sometimes he'd come with me. That's a different thing like when he was younger. I don't know if I'm going to be able to get back in there and punch it in the face the way I used to just boom, boom,

boom, boom, boom, you know, go out. Maybe you might, you might take more time off now, don't you think? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I, I, listen, it depends on whether our house is our house still at the end of this, you know, is your husband working? Is your husband working? Yeah, but I'm the breadwinner. So, yes, he's working, you know, I choke my wife out of Shiva said that. Well, yeah, but he's not. So, you know, you could choke all you want, but you, you know, it is what it is. I know it's hard.

I would love for my wife. If my wife, if my wife was like, look, I was going to go work. You stay home at max, they're like, fucking done and done. Me too. Cookies, tent, fucking video games, Minecraft. I'd gain 700 pounds. You're the best thing ever. I didn't want to do this, man.

I didn't, I didn't, we didn't set it up this way, but you know what? It happens. He got sick and this is how it works out. Like, how? What do you get sick of? Me, but no, he had a stroke. And so it's up to me. Like it, this is on me, you know? Yeah, you, you've always been a hustler, man.

You've always fucking kicked it in the teeth. Man, but at some point you want to just like, it's so funny, Bobby, you'll get you guys along, get this. I literally, right? I'm not trying to plug it. I'm just telling you, like this spatula came out on the 17th was my labor of love.

I've been wanting to do this since I was in 10th grade. I went back to my high school and shot it because when I was in 10th grade by guidance counselor, I said I want to be an actor. She's like, you're from here, known from years of her banan TV. She's like, if you want to be on TV, you're gonna have to rob a bank, right?

So I got this scenario. I'm playing this for all these years. I'm gonna go back every time I do something, a tonight show, whatever. I'm like, oh, I can't wait. I'm gonna call her. I'm gonna tell him. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go there. I'm gonna do a show. Everybody does these big grandiose like goes to, you know, trust me, if I could go to Madison Square Garden, I would have went. But I also thought it'd be cool to go back and do a show at your high school with people who knew you before you had breasts, you know. I think you're right, yeah.

Right. It was fun, it was cool. Like my principles were that the people, I waited too long because when I went to go tell her, like, hey, I could do this. You shouldn't, shit on, oh, can I swear? I'm sorry. Yeah. You shouldn't, you know, it's on people's dreams

and she was dead and I was like, Oh, I don't care. They were like, they were like, oh, we're starting to tell you that way and I'm like, oh, they were like, they were like, all we're starting to tell you that way. And I'm like, I wanted to tell her off. I wasn't trying to, you know. Where was this? Where did you grow up? I grew up outside of Cleveland, a little suburb outside of Cleveland. It was cool. We had all the any kid who wanted to work with the production. I had them work alongside of professionals. And this was a crazy part, is the special was supposed to originally be on Netflix.

And then when my husband got sick, they had to put a pin in it, because I couldn't perform that. And I said, wait, when I was ready, they had a new president who wanted to still do a special with me, but wants to do it for me layically. Like, that's what they do to us. They put seven of us in a theater on a weekend

and punch out all, and I'm like, listen, I already got the whole town behind this. I got these kids. Not only can I not do this for me, like I got these kids that already said you could be part of this special so they could graduate with an IMDB credit. So we had to do it ourselves.

So I waited, waited, waited. All that said, I waited for March 17th. I could not wait for that release of that special. And then this happened. I was like, man, I should have just hung myself in the gym. You're a better person. There it is right here. There's been any meteorologists.

As soon as you got a special, we're like, fuck what's gonna happen now? Yeah. That's great. That's a message, Sally. like, fuck what's going to happen now? Yeah. That's great. That's it. That's it, Sally. Way, way after school. But that's like a funny man.

That's, that's like, that's past corny. And you went to funny with that. That's actually good. Yeah. Because that's been like, what? But that's what I am. But I am corny, Bobby. I am corny.

I had graced it. You're cool. You know, you have fucking corny. I did the same thing in high school. I had a teacher say to me, I go, I want to be entertainment and be famous. And they said nobody from Staten Island is famous. Now they say, look at that great Pete Davidson. That's great movie, man. Great movie. Look at those. All I eyes on the big screens. I had my graphic, my typography teacher in college when I was studying to be an artist. Me and these two other dudes are fucking off and he yelled at us and he's like, you have to, you have to do this.

What are you going to do with the other two? One guy was, I'm going to be a drummer. The other guy was like, I'm going to be a singer. I was like, I'm going to be a comic. I'm going to stand a comedian. He's like, yeah, never be a drummer. I think I was like, I'm gonna be a singer. I was like, I'm gonna be a comic. I'm gonna stand a comedian. He's like, yeah, never gonna happen. Get the word. You have the two guys, drummer and singer

from the muddy, muddy boss tones. You see, do you want to go tell him off? You don't even remember his name. No, no, I don't, he was just a thin, I mean, look. Fuck him and, you know, fuck it. Well, I spent four years in fashion design school? Because of this bitch, okay? So you look good.

You look great. It's nice to wear the same sweats every day. That's what I'm saying. I keep telling my wife, my wife has her message of green psychology and she is a counselor from a girl school, but she works from home. So whenever I'm at work,

and I'm always like, my wife doesn't have the work, she doesn't have a job. And she's always like, hey, motherfucker, I do work now that but she works from home. So whenever I'm at work, and I'm always like, my wife doesn't have the work, she doesn't have a job. And she's always like, hey, mother fucker, I do work now that I'm now that I'm working from home. She's like, oh, no, you don't have a job. I'm like, who's there? A job? Fuck you. This is awesome, though. This, this has been really good. You guys have really, you really were one of the best things that came out of the pandemic. Oh, look at you. Thank you. For real. I, I, I, as soon as it happened, I called

Mike panicking. I'm like, because I'm like you, Tim. Listen, I was at a point where I was like, things are good. I remember literally saying things are good. And oops, up something's happening. Oh, in the world, please don't tell me. I can't take it. Hey, hi, say hi. I'm pretty pulled up. That's my wife. Oh, hi, I'm Lisa.

You want to say hi? You want me to tell me? Oh, my God. I just wore her earrings the other day. You don't want to say hi? No, not really. OK. Don't you ring a headband?

Yes. What kind of thing? I didn't even say it this hi? No, not really. Okay. Don are you wearing a headband? Yes. What kind of... I didn't even say it this time. You know it. You could sense it. Laurel. I invented something. I have a headband that turns into a mask.

Oh. Tell him who's the breadwinner. Who's the breadwinner? You are. What are you? I don't know what I am. I love you. You're the bread was the breadwinner. You are. What are you? I don't know what I am. Greg. I love you.

You're the, you're the bread eater. Let me tell you something. If some, let me tell you something, I told her the other day. If something happened to her, I would, I'd be done. I don't know. I don't know any, I don't know anything. Like I don't know the bank numbers. I don't know the fucking passwords. I don't know how to say. I don't know how to pay shit. Like I don't know the bank numbers. I don't know the fucking passwords.

I don't know how to pay. I don't know how to pay shit. Like, I don't know. Do I know anything? You know enough to marry her. That's the thing. Listen, I didn't want to be. I have a file with all that information,

but I won't open it because I don't want to know it. But in case something ever happened to her, at least I know I have access to it. Do that. Yeah, there you go. Send some emails her, at least I know I have access to it. Do that. Yeah, there you go. Send some emails to each other. Well, then you'll get hacked. It'll be a mess.

I used to do a joke about I can't even find a piece of paper I wrote on my passwords down. So, I didn't even know. Yeah, she, uh, oh, today she was like, we're going to go take a walk and I'm like, I want to go to bed. You think we're going to go take a walk and I'm like, I want to go to bed. You think we're going for a walk and we went for this fucking lovely walk. When you talk on this walk, you hold hands, what does this like? You know, this is what this is what I love about you, Mike.

I'm, I bring something up and you make me walk and with my wife, fucking gay. It's lovely if you like that kind of stuff. I'm just curious like what? Well, you mean, we're being with my wife. Do you talk to your wife like? Yeah, but when I come to like, I don't know, or I don't want to go for a walk. But first of all, I live in it's 112 degrees here. So I don't want to get half up the block. I'm like, I'm done.

Right. You can't hear. And he with all those allegations. Yeah. And he can go on the sun. He looks like a fucking boiled pork roll. Yeah, I don't know. But what I'm saying, like do you hold hands? Do you talk about life? Do you, or you just huff and puff?

Well, first of all, I don't, I do huff and puff, but any, it's a brisk walk. It's not a, what I'm walking to, it's a walk, it's an exercise walk, it's not a fucking, it's a whole family, too, right? The dog, I have the strap bags we have, I hope the dog to that, I bring a knife now, because, you know, fucking people don't have jobs and money and they're looking for food,

so I bring a knife and I fantasize about stabbing every person, every male, every male that walks by us, who's walking, I already envisioned killing him like in prison. I got got got got got and and and and telling my son, it's okay. It's just one max. Yeah, I have this fucking to have it, whatever it is, to have it. What? Oh, I love my, I love her.

I love her. Look at you. Wow, that's beautiful. On the grill. And look at that muscle in her arm. On the very much. Oh, you're talking her? In her arm? Yeah.

Yeah, that was it. I noticed it. I thought she was going to go, listen to this look like you. You want to touch it? She's got to make those brana source burgers over there. Hey, touch the chicken. You don't want to touch my chicken?

You hate touching chicken or my chicken. It's not wrong. You want to call something else? It's better. You want to look at my pickle? This is why you guys go for walks. You want my pickle sour? You want to touch my pickle? Do she call you?

You're dick. You're chicken. No, I called it and she's like, I don't like chicken. She call you your dick. Your check. No, I called it and she's like, I don't like check it. I was like, in my wife, she's done touching my chicken. Let's just be honest. Who isn't quite frankly? Yeah, I mean, it's a sad fact, Tammy. It's just there's no more.

There's no more fucking. It's called a kid, man. It's called a kid there, Bobby. That's what it is. No, I say max. I was going to say max is part of it. My my son is in the middle. In the middle of our bed, he's still, he's like 12.

Sometimes he's still in the bed with us. I rolled over. I felt like a man was in bed with us. Oh, that's a real. He'll be there till he brings his girlfriend in bed with us. First time my son called in the bed with me when he was like 11. I thought I was about to get raped. I felt hairy leg.

I was like, what is happening? Yeah, he just grew up overnight one time. You feel that man grab you from the shoulder while you're sleeping to get scared of first. I have a little daughter when she does it. I owe the baby when all of a sudden I'm hairy man grabbed you. My kids are cocksucker. He's a cock block.

He comes in and gets my wife and takes her into his room. He goes like this, Mark, can you come in my bed? She's like, you want me to come see, but you, yeah. And then he'll look back. The robbery. I said, And then he'll look back. The robbery. I said, no, he pulls the robbery. So I had this king size bed and the TV and the AC all to myself now for the whole night.

I'd be like, good job, kid. Extra toys and Christmas. No, he takes her in. He last night he goes, I took mommy from you. He's doing it to take my wife from me. Like he's like, I took mommy from you. He's doing it to take my wife from me, like he's like, I took mommy from you. Yeah, well, I got to jerk off. So fuck off. Oh, um, wait till he says it back. Mommy, I'm trying to jerk off. Yeah, me. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Me either. I'm trying to avoid that. Like, we moved my son's bedroom during the whole. Like, I got to do all the stuff that for 10 years on the road, I would come home, drop my stuff, and then like, look at the house and go, oh my God, I just stopped watching all those home improvement shows. I'd be on the road on a Saturday and watch like a marathon, a HGTV, and all that stuff.

And I'd hate home and I'd hate my house. I'm like, this place is a piece of shit. And so I finally able to do a lot. And so I moved my son upstairs upstairs and he had friends over the, because we're green over here. So he had like two friends spend the night. And I like went up to the room and the door was shut. And you know, it's like normally it's not,

and it's like, I got a knock on this kid's door because I don't know, I mean, I don't think they're doing anything the three of them in there. But like, is this how my life is gonna be? Is the door gonna be shut now? Am I at that stage of my kid's life

that I got a knock on his door? Yeah, I mean, that's gonna scare the shit out of me. The day I knock on Max's door and open it and he's balls deep on one of his friends. I'm just gonna be like, ooh, no, that's not what I'm expecting. You tell Steve in the go home, no, that's not what I'm expecting. You tell Steven to go home, Max. That's not what I think.

I'm not expecting who knows. I caught him the other day, this is a funny. He was on the couch and he doesn't know what a boner is. So he got a boner on the couch. He's seven. What was he watching? No, I'm just kidding. He was watching Lady No, I'm just getting. He was watching, um, lady chatterly. But he, um, he's on the couch and he's, he had his

hand on top when he was just, he was just, and I was like, that looks so fun. I don't want to tell him to stop. I was just like, Max, what are you doing? He goes, I'm playing with this. And I was like, yeah, we, all right, well, listen, you might want to do that, not in public, but maybe chill out, you might break it. He was like, I can break it. He's like, I know, you never know. You're going to be careful with that thing down there.

That's a uncomfortable conversation, all the time. Isn't it? Now, that's really what parenting is. Our parents never said anything. My parents have been saying that and just been like, stop it. Don't, don't, back kind of stuff. Isn't it funny that we never,

they never taught us about sex. They never talked about it. And you had to learn all these from fucked up places. And you did all this shit covertly and you felt like garbage, you felt fucked up about it. And then later in life, you're like, oh, that was all normal. You're not a fucking weirdo.

And now it's like, I'm gonna talk to my kid about sex. I don't give a shit. Yeah, well, that's what that, that was the onus of that, that's a, because that's way after school. Especially because no one talked with, like Gabby, your generation you're young enough. The people cared what you thought nobody, nobody, it's amazing like I'll be doing something

listen Gabby was watching Pan Terrigate head from fucking fans when she was 10. Okay, I feel like my childhood could be so removed. I literally I saw people with hookers when I was young. I was like, whoa, her father, my father's fun. Your father is the people player of Bon Jovi. Oh, so then you did see it. I'm on, gave me such an in-depth sex talk. She included a circumcise and uncircumcised dicks.

She was like, oh my god, that's all. Dicks come in different colors, different sizes, and purple-neck sweaters. I'm like, cool, I can like, so dicks come in different colors, different size. I like that purple neck sweater. So I'm like, cool, I can't wait to study a lot. Well, I'm excited. No one told me, no one told me anything. The first time I saw it, I thought it was broken. I thought the guy had a disease. I

didn't know that it was a sexually transmitted disease. I didn't know the difference. No one talked to us about that. That's so cool. I thought I should talk to your mother now. I have to do this now. She'll give you a couple of lots of The first time I saw an uncertainty, I was penis, I thought it'd stop growing like it was a stunted penis. And nobody warns other guys about that either. The first time I saw one was at someone camera and I'm like, what the fuck is that guy's got to sleep on his dick? And no idea, he was, I thought he had like some sort of cover on there. Yeah, I'm going to tell my kid about, I'll just be like, I'll do the same thing Gabby's parents did.

You have to. Yeah, I don't want him to be freaked out about it. You know what I mean? But I know he likes girls, which, you know, because he always like, she's pretty, she's pretty, because he's, he always, like the girls I like on TV,

I look at him and he'd be like, she's pretty. I'm like, oh yeah. Hey, but he might want to, where is hair like them? Or, it I'm like, oh yeah. Everybody might want to wear his hair like them or get lips like them. You don't know. Well, you just never know anymore. If it is a girl, that was the difference.

I, my son and his friend were watching something that were probably about eight years old, one, you two person. And they were both, I guess, crushing on this girl, but it turns out that the girl was transgender young boy. I just heard this big scream. I didn't know what it was. It happens. It happens.

Did you see, though, by the way, I'm told, you see this exchange? You see me looking over here because I was getting back signals from all the, I don't even know. They're trying to whisper to me that they're doing something. And I'm like, I'm, see, you see that I'm working here. I don't even get to go to work for one hour in my house and be lost alone. You see? I'm like, well, I don't even have a job anymore. Could you talk a bit of slack? I was talking to Vos about that because we don't listen. We aren't getting that three days, that four days. That our relationships needed.

When we go to the fucking lounge at the airport and we get our coffee and our little fucking little breakfast and sandwich and we get on the plane and then we get to the hotel, take our nap and go to the plate. We'll do our surveillance in the area of where we're going. You know, go to the club a little early, do the show, come back the next day. We have that three day mini vacation from our lives. And then we go home enough that we miss them. We miss everything.

Like, I wanna go home. I can't wait to go home. I can't wait to see Dawn. I can't wait to see the kid. And then as soon as it, you, it, it's like that you're gone again. So we, we're home every fucking day all day long. And I love it, but it gets taxic. Well, it's hard for me when I'm on the road because I come home and I'm full wife and

mom like I, I still do all the laundry, all this, I mean, like it's all on me right now. So that part was easier, but I think all of the mean stuff that I think and that naturally builds up into me that makes me who I am, I used to be able to expand on like a heckler or some dumb drunk or whatever. And now it all goes to him. I got so pissed at my husband for snoring too loud the other night. That's not really fair to him. But you know what? It was a no fucking annoying. And I'm like, you got to know that you're doing this to be. You feel like you lost your power? Because you always have, Hey, I'm making the fucking money around here. No, because I never did that. Because it's not, it wasn't supposed to be that way. That's

why we lived in in Pennsylvania to make it easier. But when he got sick, there was no other choice. Like, you know, you got to, but I feel like I lost a part of who I am because who I am was really, and I don't, I've never been anything other than a comedian. So I'm lost at where do we go from here. And, you know, I love being the wife and the mom to this, this family, this crazy family. Así que, me ha hecho la verdadera idea de que llegamos aquí. Y, ¿no? Me encanta el hombre y el mamá de esta familia, esta casa de la familia.

Me encanta estos colegios, pero ¿cómo te te cuesta? Y yo estoy tan contento. No puedes ser jodido ahora mismo en el mundo. Como el lugar donde podemos ser jodidos, personas tan sensuales sobre todo. No puedes decir algo. Las últimas tendencias en botas, comodidad 10 de los desde 29 con 99. Daishman, mucho por andar.

Es que es tan bueno. Es que es tan bueno, es que es tan bueno. Y... Estoy mirando en la parte del mundo. Y... ¿Qué es que se dice? Es que es tan bueno. I'm looking at the writing on the wall and it's scary. What does it say? It's scary.

It's, you know, it's gonna be famous. Or, you know, we always had this thing. I don't know if you had it. I always had this in my head where it's like, I can, someday I could be in a movie. I could be, have my own TV show. I could be on NBC or a network. I could have, that's gone.

It's not gonna happen. Well, as soon as you get it, they're going to go back and find, listen, they're fucking the guy from Mythbusters. Adam is being brought up on Re Rick Charges by his sister. What? Sister. Is that a myth?

That's a myth. Oh my God. That's insane. That's insane. I can't even. Why did I think of that joke? What's going on? What the fuck me, dude?

I suck. What a goddamn serious content. Because you're not sitting here trying to figure out whether you should go to Home Depot. What? And get applied. Come on. Jesus, sexual assault. I mean, look, I don't like it.

Again, I don't know what happened. If she did or she didn't. He said it didn't happen. He's gonna fight a tooth and nail blah, blah, blah. But this is the world we live in. Is everything is online. Everybody knows everybody's business and anybody can go and say whatever the fuck they want. And now that's facts.

That shit facts. Well, that's the truth. He did it. So, as far as we go, we're just stand up comics. I mean, that's the truth. He did it. So, as far as we go, we're just stand up comics. I mean, that's it. I don't think there's any more Ray Romano, Jerry Seinfeld, that type of show type thing for us anymore. It's old.

No, but I was thinking about this. So, seriously, we're thinking of going to get a real job, right? Which, let's just set aside the fact that I have no work experience. So that resume is going to look completely ridiculous. Oh, the tonight show. Like what is that going to do? And but okay, I'm happy to do it.

Whatever I'm going to do to take care of my family, okay? But how soon till I get fired from them from real when they go through my tweets? Because they're fired people from regular job. You got a deleted Twitter. You got it. You got it. You got it. Right. If you if you if you go and become a civilian, the even for a little bit, you got it. Yeah. But what is let me ask you question. What is deleting your Twitter? So what are you going to lose? 30% they say 20 to 30% of the people that follow you are real fans. Everybody else is, of course, shit, it's bullshit robots

and people who don't even give a fuck about you, okay? You can tell that, but when you put a tweet out, there's 70,000 people like it? No, of course not. So there you go. So most of those people, so if you delete your Twitter and delete everything and just say, fuck it. They've already screened. They've already screened that, Bobby. Half the stuff, the time I got canceled, I deleted what I said, they just

went to the screen. What did you get to get to the screen? You got canceled? Yeah, I got canceled before they called a canceling. Were you growing up? I just got back, was it asking for anus pictures? No. You know, I was the one who was trying, I had a couple of friends that were complaining

over people lifting jokes and I was like the fourth one in line, but they let everybody else off and it all fell on me. And I lost my agent and my manager and they called clubs and I did say a funny joke that this is but's preface this this was 2016 long before the me two but I was trying to make it a joke not so serious. I said hey at least cause me not this victims out before he raped them okay. It was funny. It was a funny joke, but people took it and went, oh, that's dangerous. You're, you know, you're not supporting women. Yeah.

And it became this big, this big, whoever has the bigger publicist. So I lost everything. And then a few days later, a video came out that kind of indicated me, but I might, do you think my agent called and said, oh, let's go back. Even I wouldn't have taken manager. The clubs, yeah, they read book me, the ones that canceled me because the person called, but I didn't even want to go anymore. Yeah. You know what, I'm having to do right now. I host a morning radio show in Tampa. Yeah. And your little middle pieces, a little crooked. There's my one thing I've done in COVID has shaved this weird shit into my face.

I'm having right now because we're off this weekend for or Friday and Monday for Fourth of July. And my producer is texting me right now as he's getting best already. And he's going, hey, we said this is that okay. And it's like an occasional fag or call on somebody a fat Mexican. And I'm like, uh, beep it out. I don't even know what I mean, the guy is a fat Mexican, but I have to beep it out because times change from pulling stuff from 10 years ago. Yeah, words are different.

And it's like, we always had like, I, I, I know who I am. I know how I say things. I knew what I meant. I've never been even cheeky. I've just always been a comic. But that's my identity. But that's what I'm saying. We got to go back. We're just going back to being stand-ups. You can say whatever you want in the club because that's your, that's your show, that's your club. Nobody's recording it. It's's you so you can say whatever the fuck you want if that's your fan base right right right this whole trying to be Howard Stern trying to be famous trying to sell out Madison Square Garden trying to be a movie star slash fucking a director. I think that's over for most of us. Unless you wanna be unfunny.

Unless you wanna fucking be that neutral bleached out whatever the fuck the industry and those small groups of cons want. And it was over for me before COVID and all this, but I'm 50 in this industry. Nobody wants, I don't care what they do. How many times women are gonna be all these great opportunities I'm thrilled for these young girls. No one's looking for a 50 year old woman.

Like no one's going, oh my God, that's the best special I've ever seen her put like, the eight minutes I did on the showtime thing is the best I've never seen her put like, the eight minutes I did on the showtime thing is the best I've ever done. Now I'm gonna say it's the best in comedy, but the best for me. Normally, if I was in my 20s, I'd probably get a development deal or something. Right?

Nothing. Nobody cares. I'm a little lady. I just, all I want to do is go perform so I could sell at those clubs and get home back home to my family. I need to, you know? I think that that is where comedy is at right now. I mean, where it was going anyways, but I think now it's just it's like I say, you want to be famous, you want to be funny.

Yeah, the same, same thing. That's it. That's the big difference that put your 10,000 hours in man and you're good. Yeah. And it's it sucks because there was always that, you know, oh, I might get it. And, you know, you can still do it, but there's no way you can be for people like us. We can be out in the front of something because they'll just, they'll take you out. They'll fucking take you out. You can be behind the scenes, I think. Or, or, you just don't give a fuck and you behind the scenes, I think. Or, or. I want to just don't give a fuck and you go, yeah, I said it, go fuck yourself. I don't care. I that's what I've been saying. I literally go to my Twitter right now. I said what I fucking said, but I will say this. I was excited. I thought, well, you know what I could

do? Animation. But I don't think I'd have to only play me in animation. And you can't, but you can't. And that guy who quit that show too. What's his name? Mike something. Yeah, that guy, he quit. He's got enough money in the bank. I'm sure he called his accountant before he made his political move. So I am no longer going to fuck you. You wouldn't have done that year five, cock sucker. Jenny Slate, God bless her. She's adorable. She quit. She's the one who started the whole thing.

She banged Chris Evans. Like, you had Captain America. What do you, I mean, who cares when you put your job? You already had a good life. I'd slit my wrist right now, if that was my life. Spanishes That was my life. Spanish. Spanish. Spanish. It's text me and said, you asked, I know, just girl, he's working on my show. If her mom would be mad, if you brought home a black guy, like I have the question whether or not we can, we can play that now. The scene. I'd have to, the hard part is, is here's the thing. I, you, we weren't meant for everybody, okay?

If you saw me and you came to my show and you were a fan, or even if you weren't, like I always say, like if you'd like me great, come back with for your like-minded friends. If you don't, don't come back. I'm not gonna change. I don't wanna find someone who makes you laugh, like not being rude, just find someone who makes you laugh.

I'm not for you. So I think now when you hear things out of context, outside of these 30-second clips, that's when they go, you're not funny or you're offensive and you're, if you're in the room, if you're sitting with me, you know that I'm a moron, I pick on me, I pick on myself, my family,

more than I'm ever mean to anybody else, you know, and I'm just there to specifically to make them laugh for an hour. But when you just get clips like that, I don't know where I wouldn't play that clip now at all. I would even touch it. I said, yes, we'll see what happened. I don't listen to me. Look what I'm, I'm my, you'll see what happens. I don't listen to me.

Look what happens. I might you should call me mush. I can't scrub everything we did. If someone's got it on tape somewhere anyway, by the way, I'm telling you. I'm also almost 15. If it happens, it happens. It's like a smaller house on this job.

Yeah, a small, where am I going to stay? Oh, I mean a smaller house. I didn. Yeah. Where am I going to stay? Oh, I mean, a smaller house. I didn't say I have poor persons house. I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like,

wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, wait, I was like, wait, wait, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, I was like, wait, wait, wait, I was like, wait, wait, I was like, wait, wait, I was like I can be as. Does that kill you Bobby? No look. 20 years, 20 years, six super balls. In reality, of course not.

I would love to see him. He went to my number one best friends town. So it's almost like I'm sharing my quarterback with my best friend is the way I try to look at it. Thank you. So. And I. Oh look at it. Thank you. Thank you. So, I know. No.

That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's off because it's 4th of July. But next jerk off party, we do a jerk off party on Saturday nights, we'll be inside all the fans in. No, it's just jerk offs. I saw it. It's nice. But it's transgender night. So all the guys have to just like women and all the women

have to just like men. That's the only way you're getting on camera. So and yes, me and my khalta will have to shave. No, no, you could be Italian. You're in a time, you're Italian or Greek. You know, he's one of the bang Tammy for years. What? My dad. That's great. But my dad's not, my dad's not much older than, it's not like, he's not an old man. And it was back in the last comic standing days. So my dad back then was probably in his early 50s, you know? You mean this one? I can't look at that. That one who looked like that.

My dad never gets anybody's name to write no matter who he like. So you came on my show one time, he's like, Oh, you got the demi-piscatillian? I go, yeah, she's a fucking monster. I'm looking proud right there. Yeah, yes, I will let Miss Piscatillian know that you enjoy her. Oh, I remember coming down to see you down there. I remember I was playing at the improv in Ebor city over there.

And you were like, I hadn't been there. I got in at night and didn't look anything. Then got up in the morning and came to see. And you were like, look out for the, for the cocks. And I'm like, okay, I'm thinking, I was like, I think I'm going to have a sex store or something. But really, there were roosters, cocks everywhere running around that whole neighborhood, where are cities? In the middle of the city, like I'll go there for lunch sometimes and forget that they're

there and I'll walk out to my car and a fucking chicken will be laying out there just insane. I'm just running right at you. Yeah, they have no fear. What is that? What is that? Cocks are getting mad. I know, because back in the day some fucking resident had a bunch of them and they just, you know, they probably in that area had them for a while and people moved and they just

became part of the streets. Well, I heard the hurricanes. That's what they told me. The story that at least I was sold was that there was, because there happened to be a lot of Italian people there and that they said that there were people in the hurricanes, they would lose their chickens and then they never that there were people in the hurricanes, they would lose their chickens, and then they never could get them again. So, but they were, I go,

who the fuck in chickens did they have? Because, but they were everywhere. I mean, it's horrible. You go to Miami and there's straight dogs and cats everywhere. It's heartbreaking, but then e-bores chickens are like, who gives a shit? They're like cuter rats.

But we can't. It's nuts. I want to move so far to the woods. Nobody can. It's nuts. I want to move so far to the woods where I can have my own chickens. So I thought about that. That's a hip thing that people are doing now. Building chicken coops and getting their own chickens. But then you got to wonder what, like my wife goes, let me ask you seriously, why do you want chickens?

And I was like, I don't know. She was, you don't even like eggs. I go, I know, I just feel like I could raise chickens. I went chickens and bees. I want to have bees. Bees love to see you in a beekeeper's outfit. Yeah, yeah, it would look awesome. It would look scary.

Yeah, Gabby, is it like a real thing or are you just insulting him? I want to see you covered up with the veil. I want to put it on your face. Yeah, that's all I know. I'm going to make it. That's my new favorite. Just four words and they're all mean in the whole show.

That's okay. As long as they pop, that's all that counts. Oh, no, I think for you. You know what, you'd want to raise chickens until like you go out there and four of them would be eaten and then you have to explain to your kid that you don't know what the hell ate him. What do you mean? What do you eat some?

What do you talk about? Like, if you live somewhere that you can have chickens, then there's always a natural predator, whether it's, you know, fox or get a posse, possums eat chickens and, you know, fucking night vision, I get night vision goggles and I lie out in the grass and I fucking whack those cock suckers as they come in for my chickens. Full metal jacket. Yeah, I've already planned it out. I'm gonna get fucking dogs. I'm gonna go boom, boom, boom, I'm getting a silencer. Then I'm gonna know what's coming. Corporal pile for the sleep in the grass and wakes up in the tics.

I had a tick. I had a tick on me tonight. We come back for the walk. And you know, John's like, check, we got to check everybody. We got to check. And I'm like, I relax with a check in. I don't have a tick. And I'm putting together. I got a bike alarm. I haven't ridden the bike once, but I got an alarm for it.

Don't ask. I'm a fuck trying to fill a hole. A fucking darkness that won't be filled. No gadget will fill it. But that goddamn Rolex Jubilee Bracy with a fucking fluted bezel. Listen, anyway, I looked down at fucking tick, jumped off my shirt onto my hand. And gross. What a little fucker those are. But see, New York has become disgusting. Let me tell you because we have that, we go back and forth, my husband's family's in Brooklyn,

so I'm there like, ton. And over the past three years, this pandemic is nothing. Because in the past three years, it went from bed bugs to headlice to now it's got ticks and everything. The pestilence over there is ridiculous. It's biblical.

Good word, pestilence. Ooh, shit. They opened up places, maybe that's only job I wouldn't do where they call knit pickers and they go pit the knits out of people had so much lace. Whoa, I don't think you can call them that anymore. No, not that's something else that could fall. No, no, no.

It's just a fabric. Hey, it's so funny, they else that you can fall. No, no, no. Just do it with fabric. Hiya. It's so funny, they get, you can't say anything about anybody anymore because they'll be somebody going, you can't say that. Okay, did you know that you can't really for real? Because like, I was reading this, it's a great book. It's how to be an anti-racist.

And it's a big difference between being not racist and then systematically, just trying to make sure that people don't say racist things like to kind of step in. And it's funny because do you know that you're not supposed to do the eany-meany mindy mo? Why? Because it used to be done in slavery times and they would say, used to be done in slavery times and they would say, Ketchha, by the toe. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard people say that.

Yeah, and apparently Southwest Airlines got sued by two black women. They, the, the stewardess was whatever flight attendant, gave it to him that whatever was trying to pick and said, but said tiger, but and they soon, but I had no idea. I literally could have done that. Why can't we just understand if they're not being racist? Why can't you as a Tiger? He's a Tiger would. Why can't we just care? I'll bet it.

There's no common sense of civility with these fucks. They don't understand like, I get it, but it's not that. Those people aren't doing that right now. They're not being racist. Right. I don't know now. Like this, this means KKK. My whole life, it was okay.

We're going to go scuba diving. When you go scuba diving. That's all. No, it was if you looked at it, it was okay. No, I'm going to go scuba diving. When you go scuba diving. That's all. No, it was if you looked at it, you got hit. I mean, do you know how many times we did that to my brother? If you look up, well, I got hit probably over a thousand times, because I got caught with that. But I probably hit my brothers over a thousand times.

I mean, there are pictures. We got so many pictures of this, where somebody's doing this behind somebody, you know? That means, okay. Every scuba diver is a racist. Right. Literally one of the five hand signals you use. Fuck weep.

What happened with fuck weep? Fuck weep, can you? Oh, okay. I'm trying to show you the whole thing. Yeah. Oh yeah, I can hear you. I was actually in the whole thing. Oh, yeah. I don't know if I want to live. We're becoming fucking like Canada or something. We're getting so fucking dude.

They, they in British Columbia, they band a guy from doing comedy. Oh, yeah, and they find him. He had to go to court because he called these two hecklers a cut or something. Lesbians, he said they were lesbians. Yeah, they were lesbians, which they were. Right, he called them lesbians and they were, but they weren't allowed to do it. It's amazing though, you know, that they'll take it away from us and then they'll come

back running and there'll be nothing left because all the people like us, you know, some people are going to be great though. Some people are fine. They have enough money. And then it's people like me and you, who had just in the eye, I always say like I had, I had what you were supposed to have, you know, the month and a half, two months emergency money gone. Like, you know, I didn't have years of money.

Yeah, it's a weird thing because I love when this all went down, people were like, we're all on the same boat. I'm like, dude, you're on a yacht. I'm going to fucking. I'm going to broken fucking rowboat. There's a hole in it. I have one paddle. Okay?

We're on the same storm cop sucker, not the same boat. Yeah, the mortgage company was so funny, called the other day and they were like, we just wondered if you were going to pay your mortgage this month. And I said, well, I paid it last month. And they said, yes, but if you don't pay it this month, we're just start. We want everybody to be aware that foreclosure proceedings are starting. Wow. Right. So Pennsylvania everywhere, but they do not care. These people do not give all that kindness that was there at the beginning of this pandemic. You wait with soon as they can kick people out of their homes in New York. I heard that moving trucks are like going crazy over there. Did you see,

have you seen a lot of moving trucks on every street in Brooklyn? Really? Where in Brooklyn are you? I mean, I'll tell everybody where to put my family, my husband's family's from Park Slope. And that's what they're saying. Like, you can't even get around them. The, the moving trucks. It's every straight, it's insane. People use my building to go at full-time jobs. That's a business we need to open, Bobby. That's what I said. I'll just get a wheelbarrow, man.

You know? I'm pretty sure Tammy Piscotelli just took my fucking cow chow. We have, maybe they had two men in the truck. Maybe Bobby, that's what we do with comics. Like we tell people jokes as we're carrying their shit down the steps. Two jobless idiots in a truck. Who dumbed Dums?

Tammy, how old is your son? 12. 12. How do you tell him like how to cut his hair and all that stuff? No, I mean, he's really like, when you only have one kid and like, he's really cool. He's almost like, he's smarter than both my husband and I at this point, you know, he's really chill. I really got an Alex P. Keaton kid because we were so chaotic.

I was like, you're like, you know what I mean? I don't know if that was what, how she went. Like, he's so cool. He does his so cool. He does his own thing. He's never he gets it. But I also took him on the road with me a lot. So he knew, you know, he gets his lifestyle a little bit. That's that's that's good. He had a good experience. I was I was one of those things where I'm like, you do what you want to do. And he had his hair as pink one time as long as I'm so for the last

couple years, he's grown it out. Now you know, Bob, you know what it looks like. He looks like a little bit like weird out all the way. It got curly and long, you know? How old is it? No, he looks like Kenny G. He's 13 and he just walked in here a couple of minutes ago and I can't stop fucking laughing. That's why I come here. Show me where my wife straightens his hair.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it'll be gone tomorrow, but look at that. Wait, wait, I can't see. at that. Wait, we're gonna get closer. We're now spotlight. It's great. He's got good hair. You look like a lead singer or a rush now. Yeah, like David Rossdale. That's what you look like.

You look like that little Ford quad from the Shrek. Joey, come here, Joey, Joey, come here. Joey, let me see here. Do this for me. Flip it. Joey, so handsome. Like it, Joe, what do you think? I don't like you.

You like it? I don't like it. Why? Why? Why? Stupid. And I'd rather it be curly. You've been a stay away from me. You look so much like your mother might try to kiss you later.

We should take a picture like that. I'll be sure I get it. Joey, I thought it looked great until then. And give anything to have that hair. Mother fucker. That's funny. That's the quickest way to get them to change his hair is put up those pictures. You know, you know, I'd help probably pull it off though. He's such a good looking kid.

You know, it's nothing like me. He's 99% my wife. He's gorgeous. He's so funny. Well, I can't pull up. What, what about? You, you, you, well, look, I gotta tell you, you know, I think funny always prevails.

And I think comedy's been through this a few times. Me and you've been through this a few times. Yeah. You know, I was talking to Burr about it too. It's like, you know, even though he's in a great spot, he's worked so hard to get there. Yes. You know, and there's a lot of us to just,

you've been, how many times you've been up, how many times you've been down. I remember when you first had your reality show, which I loved, by the way. Thank you. That was a fun one. What was that called? A stand-? We're a stand-up mother. Stand-up mother.

And you, your mother-in-law, I loved her, by the way. Yeah, she was great. It was crazy, because it was about being a wife, a mom, and a comedian, but I am a wife, a mom, and a comedian. So it was really hard. My husband would go to bed, my kid would go to bed, the crew would leave. And I'd stay up till like three o'clock in the morning cleaning my house because I didn't want to look

like a big ski ball, so I'm TV. So then the next, or then like we'd be off, the crew would stop working Thursday night. I'd get on a flight to go to the gig and then I'd come home on Sunday and they all had two weeks, the two days off and they'd be ready to roll. So when they put us on hiatus for six months and then brought us back, I realized I'm like,

plus I had enough, it's weird the level that I am because I never really broke through. Like, even like, you remember your show, the warrant show, like I got to, they, I'm hold and then they chose someone else. It's always me and the person who gets the gig. I had enough fame to have a TV show, but not enough money to have security. Right. So you know what I think? It's a weird thing.

Oh, but we're always, we're always looking for that one gig that can just let us breathe from what. Yeah. That's so we can, we can go and enjoy life and you know people think comics were all rich. They think we all have a ton of we don't we're regular. It's a rate. A lot of people is a job and we have a lot of shit going on and you know we know you you want to get to the point where it's like, I have enough money in the bank right now, I can just chill. I can chill for a little bit and enjoy life.

But a lot of us never get there, man. Most of the people I know from Boston, hilarious, funniest guys, whenever one of this shows you would lose your fucking mind, they still hustle. They're still hustling. Still cruise ships and gigs on weekends and doing weird fucking shows. And most of us don't get to wear chappelle and fucking Jerry Seinfeld get to. And burr, like, but that's okay because that's what makes it, you know, there's different things, you know, I mean, I also knew that my crew is never gonna, I've been Pennsylvania, you know, there's different things, you know, I mean, I also knew that my crew was never going to, I've been Pennsylvania, you know what I mean, it wasn't going to go,

we didn't have all this one. Yeah. But, you know, we all, we all make choices. And then I've also blown it a couple of times when I had deals, I would mess. I always said the wrong thing. I'm a very Larry David life, you know, I've always said the wrong thing at the wrong time. I'm working on a character. very David life, you know, I've always said the wrong thing at the wrong time. I'm working on a character. I've been talking to Colin Quinn about this for a year. My number two best friend, formerly number one, Hollywood Bob. I've been, I've been putting it

together. And I think that Hollywood Bob, I might take a run as Hollywood Bob next year. When the pandemic's over, Hollywood Bob might come out of this. And I might take a run as Hollywood Bob next year. When the pandemic's over, Hollywood Bob might come out of this and I might take a run at this. I'm gonna have to of course repent for everything I've said and do a lot. I might have to go to another country and help children somewhere and do certain things. I have to set up the character a little more

and do a little more backstory with him. But I think Hollywood Bob, I might have another shot, Tammy. Oh, hey, good for you. Well, Hollywood Bob needs a Chubby cousin or sister or whatever, whatever, let me know. But you're gonna have to, you're gonna have to go Hollywood. You're gonna have to, you know, no more opinions, no more fucking talent. I can, well, I'll go, I'll be Hollywood Bob's sister who had to go to rehab for saying bad things. So I got the bracelet that every time I say something bad, I snap myself. Cracking up.

It's just, it's all right. It's all going to work out. You know, we'll just figure it out. Yeah, we will. All we'll fucking, you know, fade away and obscurity and never see each other again. It was a difference. That was happened. All this is done is taken away what I thought I had the choice to quit. That's all. That's okay. That's it ears. Now, do you do a podcast or anything, or do you do anything else? No, it's funny.

I always want to do a podcast. But everybody's so good. This is so good. I get so intimidated by it. The only thing I did start with my kid, it's like, I know it's corny to some of your fans probably, but I started a thing called Finding the Funny Family Style, because I started a thing called finding the funny family style,

because I had a special call finding the funny before. But it was, I found my kid was getting depressed. I don't know if this was like for you, but he was really full of all this anxiety because he's an only child. He knows why he was home. Here's about, even if you don't talk to him,

the kids are smart now. Like they know about the death and the dying and there's no toilet paper and watch this and you can't see your grandparents and you can't see your friends. And then they threw schoolwork on top of it. Like his anxiety level was crazy. So we started and I heard this thing about adults

were consuming stand up like crazy in the beginning of the pandemic. But what do kids have? So it's finding the funny family sound. We do one show a week. And it's just he and I. We tell some stupid. It's for parents and their kids. We tell stupid kids jokes. A lot of comics like I'd love to have you guys do this. Have like Mark Marin and the lawns up voting and Sherry Sheppard. Just tons of people have like told, like, told us, boss and Bonnie, told us stupid kids joke.

Like, I have a video, I just hold the video of them telling us stupid kids joke. Because if you just, it's called, my thing is one laugh a week. Because I just, what are we gonna do with these kids? Are they gonna be like our grandparents? My grandparents who couldn't even crack a smile

unless you fell down and broke your ass. Like, only if you got hurt in my grandfather's life, he only laughed when people had blood trickling down their face. It sounds like Mike. It doesn't make me laugh. So that's the only thing we do. It's like 10 minutes.

That sounds great. I think my kid was going through the same thing. He was, he was, he had this all the same anxiety. I had to tell my wife, I go, look, fucking fuck school fuck, forget it. We can't stress this kid. We can't break them. Yeah. No, if I tell him he'd be in the middle of math and he'd be like, ah, and he couldn't do it. And don't, don't say, Max, you know it. I'm like, Max, go watch TV. Go chill out. go have a cookie, relax. You don't, I'm like, you don't need to fucking break them.

Let him go chill. He comes back 20 minutes later, Bing Bang Boom, math was done, he's done with everything. And then, you know, we go do something silly together. That's great. I would love to do that. I'm actually fucking have a resentment that you had Voss before me. Well, that's only because I had Bonnie. I haven't used Voss's clip yet, so it's okay.

Yeah. That makes sense. Yes, me, we would love to do that. Me and Mike. Awesome. We'd love to do that. Maybe J.A.B. and mush. Mush. Are you? I love all of mush. You all right? I can get rid of the chat. What? Huh? You can get rid of the chat. I think it sounds like you're saying I'm getting fat. Actually, you're getting fat. How was everything though with the chat?

I don't know how many times have I been called on funny. No one said that yet. Now we got our fans are fucking awesome, Tammy. Your background is awesome. I bet your fans are awesome. The show's been great. I really have been listening. It thinks like this sage people, like, you know, because like darkness set in, but like, that's why we do.

That's why I wanted to make my kid laugh. We said kid, what are kids are jokes everywhere on popsicle sticks? Are you aided? There was a joke on bubble gum rappers on the cups. You know, they don't, what did they got for kids? Now, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing at all. That's why I was like, maybe this little, this will work. It's gotten a little bit of traction. I'm not doing it for that.

Like I say, like if you like it, great, you know, again, you know, I'm not doing it for that. I say, if you like it, great. Again, I'm not saying that. Yeah, but it's a shame. I would love if that blew up, and that was your thing. It's just bloated. It became a multi-millionaire. You wouldn't even do my podcast. I'd always do your podcast.

I always do what I am. I think about, you know, that's the one nice thing, is that the great part of mediocrity is you don't have to put on ares. You can be exactly who the fuck you are. Well, I do this thing every week. I read the names of the new Patreon people. Wait, before we get to that. Yeah.

Tim, I gotta ask, we asked every guest, that's guys and girls. Oh my God. I have to, we have to. I guest that's guys and girls. Oh my God. We have to. We have to. I'm very self. But let me just wait, but I've watched before. So if it's the same thing, I don't, okay. Well, I'm just saying, you know, Bobby, you know, we don't, we both were married.

If you were forced to make sweet love to one of us, me or Bobby, like if your child's life was on the line and you had to have sex with one of us, me or Bobby, like if your child's life was on the line and you had to have sex with one of us. Why would you put that into it? Because it's the only way sometimes some women would have sex with us. That's true, that's true. Yeah, that's why I mean, otherwise it comes across creepy. I'm like, you know what I'm saying?

Like if your life is on the line, which one of us would you pick? Please be honest, you won't hurt anybody's feelings. No, I know. Bobby's making at sexy lip. No, Gary is not everything. Definitely. Everybody would pick Gabby. Yeah. Thank you so much. Okay, everybody picks Gabby because she looks like a beautiful Jersey 7 lamp. Oh, fucking Dutch boy, not 11. And the New York night.

If you're a man, and if you're a man in Iceland, you'd be a fucking 20. That is. Well, I hate to listen. I don't like to choose, and I don't want to make anybody feel like one way or another. But I have to say, did you see the chicken that dumb pulled out in the back?

It's gotta be Bobby. I mean, because Bobby comes out dumb in the chicken. So I could use a wife. Come on now. Yeah. We're catching up with it. You're a catcher. What you lost to the chicken, Bob?

Cool, I usually lose to a woman who like chickens and two guys. Gay guys have all picked Bobby too because those lips. That's his good skin. I'm diverse. Also, I have this awful fat, pretty mercury beard. No, but you saw your son. That's the other thing. So I got a little nervous on that one, Mike. I have to be honest. And that's the other thing. All right.

So I, I, I, I got a little nervous on that one, Mike. I have to be honest. No. Because I really liked it. I actually had deja vu on that one, Mike. That is so weird. I had deja vu and I, and in my deja vu, Tammy picked you and I got mad. Listen.

All right. We have the names of the new people. I read these names. The best I can. I have glasses on so it should go better. Dustin O. iffy. Eight. That's not your fault.

Justine Cole. Steven Smith. Zach. Frank Sean Sweeney, Dwight Neoth. Yeah, you got that one. I got there you go. It's getting a free. Javier.

I'm the air. You racist. John, it's not racism. He's stupid. Stupid. You're getting what say the word I wanted to say anymore. Sean, is that racism? He's stupid. You're getting insane the word I wanted to say anymore. Sean, Sean Walsh, Heather B, what's up, Heather? What's up, Heather?

You know what the DM is, right? And just Nick. It's no end. Tina Noble, Alex, you're on tilly. Dustin Ode Saisis. Aaron Cran. Patios. Patios. Oliver Pebbles. People. You have a lot. This is awesome, you guys. Ben Ratt's Clay-to.

Melissa Loughton and Elton Ross. No. Elliot Ross. You couldn't have gotten that. You skipped the word, the word, the word Craig. This is great. You guys. I want to me, hop in Justin, Collar, about to do 25 dollar numbers. So where, where, where, where, where? He says their names. Dwight 25 baby, Dwighty baby and fucking Justin baby. Wow. Nice job, you guys. Send your email, send your address to mush.

What's the email address mush? I'll put it on the Patreon, because this is the public episode. So, Clay to also $25. Clay to, Clay to. Yeah, that's all for me. I mean, you guys are fucking great. Everybody's great. We love you guys. Thanks for joining us. The best thing that came me. I mean, you guys are fucking great. Everybody's great. We love you guys.

Thanks for joining us. The best thing that came out of the pandemic. We're here six nights, six nights a week Saturday. We do the JK party, jerk off party. This week, I don't know for doing it because of the fourth of July, people might not be around. Mike, what do you think? I mean, I think we should skip it. I know I'm probably going to go to the beach or something, so. Yes, I mean, in the back, can I switch my answer? What? Why? Why? I just, no, no, no. I'm magic I threw you off like that because I know Bobby, because he's going to call me later leaner go why would you switch? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah You know what? What name did I not read correctly? We are like dumb, dumb.

Um, this is. Elliot, it's Elton instead of Elliot. Elliot, what? Elliot, I say Elliot. I'm worried about you. But I just worry about you. Yeah, it can't be your eyes, Mugu. It can't be your eyes.

It's got to be something. Something. What? You know, I'm like, oh my god, I'm, I want to call dawn. And like, Gabby, why is your head so big? Are you dyslexic? Huh?

What? Yes, I am. You guys, I have a, I have a learning disability. That's actually real, Michael. I have a, I have a, I have a back in your chair. Can you click to bomb me?

So he's, when you sit back in your chair, it looks like you have a little crown on your head. Do you see this Bobby? So he's when you sit back in your chair, it looks like you have a little crown on your head. You see this? You guys at the top of his head. It's got this tiny little crown. That's how it is. It's a baby. No, wait for someone to notice his

crown. I love it. I love your background. It's so beautiful. The obvious. It's for gay pride. I have I changed all the colors of rainbow background for the for the for the for the the the gays and the side gays. I support the gays. I support the transgender.

And I also support the side gays that are hanging back in the back of a Best Buy. I look for a blowjob before they go home for their wives. I like a nice side gay that's hanging out of the truck stop waiting for a young boxer roll in and a Honda Corolla. Oh, sorry, Toyota, sorry. Every time you're going were telling me you wouldn't bought some of the best biome,

I don't know that's what you were doing now. I'm trying to get a job there. So let me know. I'll let you know. I'll give you 50. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Hold. What? 50. Hold on. Let me, let me rate that down. Hey, if you, if you can get the family to look past it, you would crush it in a milkborne.

Don't give her the fucking avenues. Would you please be giving up your weakest moment. Hey, when that mortgage company calls her back, hit me up right after that. I'll, we'll work it. No. Jesus Christ. I mean, funny if it was pescatelian. All of a sudden is pescatelian calda. I do a four year eyes only or what is it called?

I'm a family. What's it called? Fans only. I'm doing a double. Oh, seven. You know, that thing. That's for comics now too, by the way. That thing, that's for comics now too, by the way. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Lewis Gomez, they're paying comedians to do, what is it called again, Gab? Only fans. Only fans. So they're paying comedians because they want to get out of porn. They're paying comics to go on to only fans and do their, do shows out of it.

I think you're going to say Lewis has an only fans page. He does. He page. He does. He does. He does him a big day. They have an only fans page, but they're doing regular content. They want regular people over at only fans. Oh, I got you. So I told me I'm ready to go.

You should get Tammy again, such a them. They're paying comedians money to do only fence. Well known comedians Gabby before you get. Yeah, not me. You said not me. For Gabby goes, hi, I would like to do one. Yeah, right here. Only fence. Holy shit. Right.

And I was having a hard time with cameo. I know. I know. You know, it's funny. They sent me the thing and I couldn't commit to the cameo thing because I just felt so stupid because I'm like, I need the money, but I also was like, what if no one calls, I'm going to feel like the biggest dick? I'd rather be broke and think that I could then actually do it and be heartbroken because nobody cares. I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised because I would do some, if I

saw you on there and I didn't know, yeah, I would do, I would do one for like my dad for fathers. Yeah, that's awesome. But you got to think there's got to be a, you know, people, a lot of people like that. That's a great idea. You should do listen.'m can't be passed to tell you stay out of comedian any one of your dads Want a sexy milk to say some happy sexy stuff on their birthdays and the first reason are fucking whatever you give me a call Hundred bucks. I bet you'd you Mike and this is why Calta is a fucking genius. He always thinks a shit You would fucking make a lot of money.

Oh, yeah. Oh, try it. Let's try it. All right, we're going to do an experiment. We'll try it. Okay. You should try it. And send one mic. You buy one for her for the for your father. Oh, my father. Oh,

yeah, the Piscatilly is pretty hot. So we're Piscatilly. Well, maybe me and your father have the same disease. And then what we'll do is we'll air it on the show. We'll see what you put up. I'll show you the big fat one. That's going to be for Mike's father.

There'll be a you'll get to your number one in fans. All right, listen, where can we see it, Tammy? Where can people, where's your special, where's everything? That's Pennsylvania. Yeah, right, best, but let's see, way after school special, it's an iTunes and everywhere you want to buy things, you know, my old special fine, the fun is on prime for free.

And oh, show time, women of a certain age. That's a good set. You'll enjoy that. And pescatali.com, there you are. Go ahead. For all her info, if she's coming to your town, get tickets. Go ahead. It's hilarious. Don't check out all her specials, support this woman, one of the funny ones, one of the good ones.

And if you have a father or an old man in the house, there's something who's blind and on their last leg, send them my way. Don't mix out the young teen milk market. You're missing out there. You can be like, hey little boy, happy birthday. No, you could be like that. That would be wonderful. You should do that. I wish I was, I wish I was a bear though. Like Mike's a bear. He's all hairy. He could get a bite. You could do a bunch of gay guy stuff.

Look at you. You got the crown on the top of your head. You're home. Yeah, look at you. You got the crown on the top of your head. You're home. Oh, if I start being gay dude gay messages on cameo. Oh, it would be interesting. That would be the best. Hey, Doug Steve just want to tell you love you. I think she'd love your penis.

He loves the whole thing. Oh, Jesus. I'm doing that. Are you on cameo Mike? I haven't I haven't hit the final send button yet, but I'm with you. Yeah. I'm gonna do mine as sloppy bottom boy and I'm gonna say I know he's programmed into my phone He should do the billy the bass man, honestly Or it's you Bobby

Oh, the bass man or at T Bobby. I think Billy the bad man, bass man should be a good one, Mike. I like that. All right, you guys on Patreon, new tech talk coming up within this week, I believe, on Paul audio right here, these little speakers. We're going to be, we're doing a new one for you guys, it's going up. And of course, we'll be back tomorrow night with me and Mike and Mush, we have a special guest tomorrow night, Todd Rex. I believe that's tomorrow, T-Rex. Yes.

You know Todd Rex, he's fucking great. Yes. So, we're gonna be back tomorrow night. And then Thursday night, we have Shane Gillis. It's gonna be a fucking great week of Caltor and Kelly Gabby. What do you got? I have a podcast called Unabashed Podcast and I go live every Thursday at eight on the Stan Comedy Club's Instagram for a quarantine live Instagram show. So check that out. And I'm doing it 945 on fucking. Oh yeah, you're the Thursday.

Thursday at 845. I gotta do it. Yep. What do you mean you gotta do it? Should you want to do it? I want to do anything you need me to do for you because I cared to mentally about you. I'm gonna follow it. I'm gonna watch it. I thank you guys for having me because I didn't have anything else to do and it was nice that someone canceled that you would have me on. I appreciate nobody. You want to do that it was nice that someone canceled that you would have me on and I appreciate. Nobody, are you out of your business?

That's not true actually. We should have me. You come back on anytime, I love you. I love you too, I definitely will. You know what, on the other world, Mike, if you want to feel better, I almost played his wife. I can't see me anywhere else but playing Bobby's wife somewhere. I just got to lose weight now,

because now, and action to old Gabby would play your wife. No, that's how television works. That's traumatic. She got up, Gabby. Gabby would get lost in one of my cracks. Oh, I'm gonna have nightmares about that. I'm like in smell it. I'm so glad Tammy said that,

because right after the show was gonna fucking open a vein right there. I hate losing the Bobby. And mush, what do you have besides Mike Vs. For us on Instagram. Yes. It's better that I say it's people can actually hear what he's saying.

Yeah. Say it again. You say it. Mike Vs. War as on Instagram. I want to expand those say it. At Mike Beeswar as on Instagram. He's correct. I want to expand those horizons. Get a Twitter.

Well, you have the posture of a quadriplegic. And Mike. Antelope. The best. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you, buddy. All right, pal. Thank you, Tammy.

See you guys. Thanks so much, you guys. Bye, everybody. Say the line. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you, buddy. All right, pal. Thank you, Tammy. She got so much. You buy everybody. I say the line. We'll see you guys next week. You're the best fans in the world. You know what? Listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos,

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