Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Buckawk

Episode Date: May 18, 2015

Bobby, Luis, Mark Normand, Harrison Greenbaum, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 rados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? Y no lo sé, dude. ¡On the Riotcast Network! Riotcast.com.

¡Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth! ¡This is gonna be a cost of art! ¡This podcast has no rules! ¿No es mi gas hall? To the funniest podcast on the planet Earth The mic asshole I'm sure I've already said should I regret can I get a mic? That was trying to keep it like a comic can It's just us sitting down Sometimes it's hilarious sometimes No directions. I love doing it

Side to the coin Podcasts popular I might affect somebody's life. You never know What's up fucking fuck-ass hi we're here it is we hear and only one of us is queer That's a new record How fast is taking to get to that topic? Oh, I thought you saw my scope Shit why would you assume we're talking? Yeah, that's your insecurity smelted that is on you That I was talking about Lewis he did suck a dick Lewis is done more gay shit. Yeah, I know wow. Lewis likes a dick on stage Let's be clear here Let's go around the room real quick. I do seven minutes my right first time guest. We have Harrison greenbound everybody

Yes, and he is Catholic and not gay One of those is true Let's let the listeners figure out which one your Catholic And then we have the real ass do Lewis Jay Gomez Puerto Riccan rattlesnake back and full effect. What's going on back by popular demand? I appreciate the YKW defense reaching out and requesting me over and over again. And I'm here today to make this back

into the whole milk podcast that it once was. He's like, this probably comes in like a promo. That is his own promo. Can I say something though? You have to. You understand? That's what they, look at you. You They have talent. Oh, you have a drop Very really do they have both okay, and when you do then you get little kev okay

Can I also say I don't mean to be an asshole here? Yeah, and I know why you did it Yeah, what I hate the new intro music Well, do you why'd I do it you did it because you can on YouTube play a real song and that was a metal song. You can, you can play a real song but what happens, I'm gonna reach out to a Venge 7 Fold, see if they'll let me do it. If not, we're gonna switch it up but they put an algorithm I believe. You're gonna go to their website and fill out the little contact box. No, I'm gonna have my management which you lack. Actually do it. That's how show business works. Deepo, can you explain the algorithms please? There's an algorithm that scans every YouTube video that goes up.

Can you please put yourself on camera? Alright. Yeah, there's an algorithm that scans every video on YouTube. And there's ways to get past it You know you can like play old music from like video games and shit. Okay. Get like a certain level of production in there But not that song I was right. Yeah, yeah, well you didn't know as an algorithm It's not actual song. Okay, there's something inside of the song that YouTube They built a tracker that tracks popular songs so they give you they boot you off I get it

I love what I love when when he gets Maddy turns into a two-year-old rolls his eyes all right I got it I'm a fuck fuck isn't look at me I know I knew what it was I just say you get an algorithm it's not as before was this bad ass metal song that I was fucking air drumming to and now I come in and I got a fucking it's like a DJ beat And then it drops into a weird surfer fucking queer music And then and then pops into some fucking great white stripes. Was that white stripes? Yes, can't that get us kicked off? No, I don't know. We'll find out. What if I were a YouTube email?

Probably it was that was fun if it was him It was just ranting me out every time I'm on yeah Lastly, we have Mark Norman back again. Hey, hey good to be back. Thanks for having me and I was gonna say all the same shit Lewis said so he got it all out We're gonna all right Of course we got deep into my right. Yeah, I can video producer Extra there was it was our to deep who reporting for doopy and then we got a crispy up of fat ass

You let him do that what that thing that he just Oh, I don't listen to him. I don't even hear him this this headphone is dead Anybody Our to deep who reporting for He made a little fucking he made a little nerdy joke I have some nerds that like the show Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Same. Uh huh. And of course we have Fat Ascopo. Whoo! He decided if there wasn't Apocalypse, he would be the person, he would be a worker during the day and we would just use his ass at night to fuck. He's a team player.

He's a team player. We would just cover up his back hair and his legs, his big fucking legs, and just have his ass out of it. I couldn't fuck his ass out of it. Oh, I could. I could slide my dick in between the buns, but not like in the hole, that's two gay. But I could like a hot dog.

I could slide my dick up and down with a little bit of oil. Can I say something that's funny, you bring that up. They were along. You're getting your boner? No, a long time ago. A long time ago, a girl, she was like, she was smoking hot, just fucking adorable. And she wouldn't let me banger

She would not let me make she goes, but I'll let you fuck my cheeks and I was like I don't know what to fuck you talking about But of course I'm in Bobby's thick and poor cheeks anytime there's barbecue involved. He's in Give me the bomb. Dan. I just wanted to get it going around I didn't know you wanted that bad Sometimes I make me miss deep whose Star Wars jokes. Well, he doesn't even get you We got to explain with the bomb. Dennis. I think you just did I think you just did You lay out a fucking hot one you get it. Yeah, perfect. Yeah, um deep who wears one under his person wants to tie that all the time Harrison wants to tie that knot

I can pervert. Thank you So uh, yeah, she's not as a little browner. Sorry, I went to summer camps. The last one's blood red. Yeah, the biggest knot of the wall. So I did that one, so I tied it up. Really? Yeah, I did that.

I had a girl fucking get a bandana and put a couple knots in it. Wow, you bombed that hard? Put it in. Ha ha ha. She put it in my butt. Wow. And fucking suck my dick. And right when I was gonna come, she pulled it out.

Yeah, it didn't, it didn't feel good at all. No. It felt like somebody pulling rope out of your asshole. Oh. Yeah, it felt like I was being punished. Right. Like I felt like a slave that ran away. Yeah.

That's what's one of the punishments. It was just terrible. I got a fucking awful. I got a BJ recently and a girl, I'm not good with jizzing on a BJ. Harrison. And the girl kept pushing on my taint. Is that a thing? Yeah. Yeah. Because your male your male g spot is your prostate, which is inside your butthole and you kind of hook in. And there's a thing called a tantric massage. And these women are experts in the male g-spot and they can actually make you come,

prostate, no, the milking is totally different. They can make you come prostate fluid, which is a yellowy fluid uh... from fingering your but all in your orgasm will be different than when you usually just jerk off all right and pro long orgasms you like you know you can edge but you can also have multiple orgasms like women if you want to you can see and i'm milking you sting and you know that

that's a fucking perfect that though and i think you're like, when yellow stuff comes out, that's a prostate come, that's pee. No, that's not up to you. You are the expert. I had to go over to Harrison. I know, I'm kidding.

That's pee. I'm just a fendant. I science, right? There is a natural progression. You know, there's regular sex and all the kinds of stuff, and then a little rough sex, and then it comes in and then right into transactuals. And then you just suck a dick.

They just blow you friends. Then you're trying to get AIDS. That was like a sect of the gay community, really. Do you have extra ones of these? Yeah, actually, do you have one? No, they have ones that won't allow you into show business. No, they're ones that won't allow you into show business They're already letting him

Scumbo that was a hot one That's a real thing, coxucker. There's in like eight parties Yeah, they try to get fucking aids in the gay community. There's like a thing where it's like cool I've heard it just all like not even Gays, but once you get for aids or supposedly fucking like crazy But no, I've heard like, not even engaged, but like... Who's the dude who the drunk you get for AIDS or are supposedly fucking like crazy? But no, I've heard like, even like, straight people try to do that. Just for the drugs.

Just for the, just to get AIDS, I don't know. It's like a thing, it's like a weird... That sounds like a thing if you look up on snopes, would be like, not true. Can you snope that? I don't know, snope, what a snope. Snopes it, if there's like a rumor online, you could put it in snopes

and they'll tell you if it's just a rumor, if it's true. I would type in Is Harrison, no, I'm kidding. Yeah, yeah. He's a snobes for that. I want Harrison to bomb so he ties bandana around his neck. Like I was the guy from Scooby Doo. Yes, yes. He's like Mr. Furley. Yeah, Furley.

Well Jack. I'm just like nothing. Shut up. He wanted to do it. Yeah. Um. I don't want to end on a shitty stuttering one. You have to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it really Child see not I don't want to end on a shitty stuttering one That is just a we I mean first of all that's ridiculous to get drugs you can just go get the drugs You don't have to yeah, you don't have to get aids I don't know if that's the reason, but I know they try to get it. I would imagine that. I would imagine. So there's a certain drug that if you take it every day, it decreases your chance of getting

AIDS by almost 100%. Well here is a fucking crazy thing. They used AIDS. They used AIDS, the HIV virus to cure leukemia. Wow. We got good news in bed news. I'm not a kid in the house. I'm not a kid in there.

There's a little girl. They're using the common cold, the measles, HIV, to cure different forms of cancer. They actually take out the bad part of AIDS, HIV, and they go into the colored part. The good part. It would, what happens with leukemia, it tricks the body into like your white blood cells

don't realize that it's being attacked. It does, it tricks the body into like your white blood cells don't realize that it's being being attacked. It does it does it does the black blood cells. I can't Jesus Christ. It can't Baltimore. He would have been carried out if he was at a fucking legion of skankshell. He had to get me out of the chair first. Yeah, you get to come me out of the chair first Two days and 10 live guys you get in trouble if you could come me out of the chair 13 year old my father was laughing I have many brands that's trying to contact from the panel. I love that we fuck with it I love that the the the the smash on anthia Anthony Kuhmia is that he bangs hot young chicks right?

the smash on anthia Anthony Gumi is that he bangs hot young chicks right that's that's the thing we give him shit while yeah I do your house is too big and you bang all these hot young shit dude you're in your 50s you got a lot of money you get a big house of pool and you bang fuck right you chicks with it at the word teen in it yeah you're a fucking god you're a god because we're all trying to make our chicks feel like we're good dudes that a god? Because we're all trying to make our chicks feel like we're good dudes. That's the truth.

Yeah, we're all dating fucking chicks our own age. Yeah. Yeah. I think, yeah, why would we want to bang a 19 year old fucking chick with a tight, smoking hot body? Yeah, why would I want to do a chick who has to use fucking like, uh, zit pads?

You want a girl with HPV, not that's what you need. Whoa. They're out there. No, now the young kids, they have the vaccine. None of them has that right? Everybody gets the HPV vaccine. Oh, none of them gets it. I know them get it.

That's the whole point. That's the generational gap. Soon as someone says that word, I think of just a pussy with milky stuff on it. Oh, no HPV. That's not what HPV is. I know, but I just, that's a cream pie. Is that what milking stuff on it. Oh, no HPV. That's not what HPV is. I know, but I just, that's cream pie. Is that what milking is?

No, no. So I had back to milking real quick, is that when that's when you get on all fours and the chick pulls you dick from behind the couch. It's like a cow, right? You're like a cow. The finger in the ass bar. It's like a dream, you fucking fairies.

Milking your prostate is when they finger your fucking ass. No, they poke you in the prostate. Milking your, milking you is not, if you type in milking, it's a chick suck and you dick while you're on all fours from behind. That's right, that's milking, but that's not the prostate milking, which is a separate thing.

No, that's not, it's not even. Urban dictionary. Because in the movie, milking, what is milking? Milking what? Milking what? A cow? And what would we, an utter?

Yeah, do you fuck, does the guy milking cow stick his fingers in the cow's ass? I mean, you're the only Milking what? A cow? And what would we... An utter. Yeah, do you fuck, does the guy milking cow stick his fingers in the cow's mouth? I mean, you're the only one who looks like a cow in the room. Milking is the, I want to get a shot. I'm not going to help you with it, but I thought it was a good one. The act of manipulating the prostate gland through the anus. There it is.

So as to discharge as much seminal fluid as possible. Now go to the doctor. Now go, now go and go to video. Milking porn. Go to milking porn and tell me what comes up. Well, one's possible. Now go to the next episode. Now go and go to video, milking porn. Go to milking porn and tell me what comes up. Well, one's a prostate and one's a cock. Well, all right, one with both, right. With both, right.

There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. That was pretty good. I mean, I don't know what you mean.

You mean, no, no, Bill. I'll tell you why, Bob. I don't know. Because when I smash you, these faggets, and I don't mean it in the literal way like Harrison I mean the faggets in the room I let they don't laugh because they're afraid of offending you no So this no when Joe and Dan were on the show I could smash you and then they go Fuck your father your fat and it was great was that just Dan that was job

I would be right in the middle of me like oh well. He's kind of Look at show milking show milking. That's one of the milking I'm talking. What is she doing to his fucking ass? You fucking she wasn't doing anything. Look at her fingers, okay, but she wasn't doing that when he showed it to me. That's a subtle piece. So don't fucking don't threaten me where you stupid fat fingers.

I'm gonna milk your asshole. I wish you were in a fucking zoo. I really though, I was fucking, I wanna go, if I was a billionaire, I'd buy you and keep you in a cage. I would. A billionaire. A thousand. If you get season two. If Lewis is in a zoo, it'd be like, wow, people are actually coming to see me. I think this is incredible that in our lifetime, they're going to cure cancers. Yeah, probably. I think this is incredible that in our lifetime they're gonna cure cancers. Yeah, probably. I think that's fucking nuts.

How about those dogs that can smell it? What? Those dogs that can smell cancer? Yeah, really. Yeah. They also smell diabetes. There's a lot of people who have dogs that can smell when they're blood sugar as well. They're just smelling the fat guys' drool from eating a cupcake.

My dog does that. My dog will wake up in the middle of the night. Who dogs smells diabetes? We know. That's my dog does that my dog will wake up in the middle of the night you don't smell diabetes we know I think you're hitting him out of the box look I think he's doing good I think Harrison is just nervous yes are you nervous Harrison uh slightly nervous why you first time first time I was nervous my first time here yeah you know you're fine but you're a friend of mine I like you you can you know the first time we did share, you know, you're fine, but you're a friend of mine. I like you. You can the first time. We did share. We did. We did. We did hugged. We hugged it out. Oh my god. Oh, yeah. He helped me. He was hosting and I did that joke, but I don't want to. I don't

want to fuck a guy. I just want to hug one longer. Oh, yeah. And he comes up at the end. He's hosting and he he just grabbed me and hugged me. But I not let him and then it became a game of chicken to see who's gonna be the first one to let go of the no way I was going to be an okay it was like a full 20 or 30 seconds was a killing look uncomfortable for every it was funny and then it was like I stopped this and then I knuzzled my fucking face in his neck I was like it's not a who won't fucking take love from anything yeah I don't care one time I put Justin Silver's ball in my mouth. What's that's a very different story? It is nothing you guys have nothing you Huck and stop we also the first this is the fourth time he's told this story and I told this on this podcast

You know stop you've never ever I touched my tongue to his balls my the ice cream Con you put it in his mouth. No, I touch my I touched my tongue to his balls my ice cream. Can you put it in his your mouth? No, I touched my tongue. It was all different. You know what? They're mouth way different like it was an arson explain to him the difference You didn't have a man you said you you had a ball in your mouth you I put my tongue on a ball. So this is not this is not a you're not fucking that's not gay That's not a gay chicken contest. What was the position? How does that go down? It was he sitting? We're playing gay chicken. He pulled his balls out and we're like, dude, watch,

I'll do this and then I touch my tongue, dude, his ball and everyone laughed. Wow. Yeah, that's just, I don't think that's gay chicken. I think that's just gay. That's just gay, yeah. Yeah, me and him had gay chicken. So you did was just sucking your friends nuts.

It wasn't hard for me. I said for a gay chicken contest in a chicken costume. I was like, the bar. Get it, gay chicken contest in a chicken costume. I was like, Barbar. Get it? Gay chicken. Yeah. Well, that one was on you. I helped the go mites like that one. That was a terrible one. Barbar. That's so much. Oh, no, that's going to be tied there. Wow.

You guys start with the hugging on stage. What happened with Louis CK? I heard he called you a Fag. Oh, no, he was riff riffing off of I did a joke about fat people I mean come up and he was like wait. He's talking about fat people faggot and then a joke about it But it was it was a very joky whew It was it really wasn't you know Harrison can I ask I want to get this out of the oven We just we really do I want to get it out and over with me and you okay? Okay, okay, I thought when I first met you, in Atlanta.

Hang on, let's not down. Oh boy, when festival was this? Hang on, when I first met you in my hotel room, in Atlanta, for the weekend. Only at night. My friend called me and was missing. And. I only do it for cash.

Remember the robes we were wearing? It was very nice. Yeah, one of them. Very soft on the skin. I got charged for one of them. I'm gonna say you did it. Yeah, I'm not saying you did. And remember that little romantic package they had in the bathroom?

Yeah, those are free. You're the lover and the vibrator. You're the lover and the vibrator. Yeah, but not, yeah, but we already used them. I was thinking about it. I was like, oh, listen, when I first met you, I was like, oh, listen, I'm not, I'm just assumed you're a gay man. I thought you were gay, I thought you liked dudes,

but you know what I don't give a shit about, that's fine. And then I find out that you date women, you're not gay. Right. You are, now can you say that and look me in the eye and not look up to the left? Because I love to show lie to me, and I learned them off from it. The gay thing I did to the left because I love the show lie to me and I learned a lot from it

There's a camera idea look into the camera nothing sounds good when I say like I'm a man like nothing ever fucking Probably take a private eye course on line and you are failing all right my second-year-old joke All right, Mike's like a young joke. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,. Lewis is a heck, Lewis is a heck, Lewis is a heck. Wait, what happened? I wish you heard. At least you'd be further along in your career. We just are singing that when you walk up to places. They do. They just comment.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. All right, whatever. All right, so no, no, no, no. That goes back. I think you should just get an untie not to fall over here because that chicken That chicken was so bad What is it? It's a gay chicken car Yeah. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's gold. So you tried your impersonated cock and you had a big dick. Harrison. So you're not, you know, I guess this is, you know, you have, Bobby's thuttering because you really think you're gay.

No, I'm trying it because I don't want to offend you at all. You're not a fan of me at all. I don't want to offend gay people at all because I, you know, I just don't, these things I don't know how to say, but when I first met you, I was like, this guy is definitely fan. I don't want to offend gay people at all because I, you know, I just don't, these things I don't know how to say, but when I first met you, I was like, this guy is definitely gay. And you should be used to them.

I know. I know. I know. What's wrong with you? I had a great line. Your line was, both lines were great. You should have just waited. But now you're not gay.

You're, you don't like men. Now, I'm gonna get mad if in five years you, that was our bet. If you turn out you like men, I get to punch you in the dick or something like that. Well I get to suck it. No, I'm not. This is how you know Harris is not gay

because if you were gay, it would really help your career. Right, absolutely. So if you're not, you know, you're actually being true and doing you. So yeah. So I don't get way farther ahead. Bobby Tuchon, we did have a bet. I said, you were, what, sorry. So yeah. So I don't get way farther ahead. Oh, Bobby touched on it. We did have a bait. I bet I said, you were, what, sorry.

Jesus Christ. What the fuck was that? Did we just shut down mentally? Dude, oh, the electricity on the block just shut down. Shh. No, Bobby touched on it before though, like being a hack is an easier way to, you know, fame as well, but you know, there's things

that make you not want to do that. So I'm not going to just say that that's the only reason he's not getting. I'm saying like you look, there's other variables in his life, maybe his mom would fucking to son him and that's not as important, or that's more important than- But- Furthering his career. I know what you mean, but he is a hack, so he's done that route.

I'm not gonna skip cheating. So. So what is it about you, because you get to see all the time, everybody thinks you're gay. That's just the voice. Why can't you be more? No, I can't change his voice. You don't think Lewis does it for every weekend when he makes...

Hey, everybody. I'm hers, Roomba. I'm like, that sounds more like I'm cruising. How do you think Lewis? Lewis makes most of his money. Hey, daddy. Come on. You don't look like your picture. I know. put on a little weight. Oh wow take it now

Wow his grinder screen name is gay chicken Jesus Christ, so you're not gay and you but you you do have mannerisms of a Head home a sexual man. Yes, because you're very, you're, you, sexuality, they're two different spectrums, right there, sort of gender, and then they're sexuality, right? So, such a baggy thing to say. No, but it's like the idea of like, I can be, I come off a feminine, and that's fine,

and I don't care, but that's not right. This is like cheating, you got it. Where do you come off a feminine, but where does you get where do you come off of them? Where does that come from? Yeah, you go to camp being Joey liking You have all the you know the you like musical theater you love musicals You're well-quaft you got nice hair going You well-kept I try Things you've never been with a man in your life ever but no

I've never had sex with a man never not had said have you ever had sexual relations? Have you a milk to man never ever ever? I just saw a woman I mean a video from a man I love those voices getting deeper as we get What are you guys talking about milk in a man? What do you know? I'm jerked off to Bailey J Bailey J. Bailey J. Oh wow. Well, that's he's definitely not gay.

Jesus Christ, that's the first world. We're gay than you. I think that's probably true. Have you made up with a guy? No. I was a pause. That was a weird pause. That was a pause.

Now, you know God will kill you if you lie to us. About being gay. I think he has to know. He has to know. He's actually going to kill you anyway. Exactly. Now, what religion are you, Jewish? Jewish. And so, did you want?

Greenbump, huh? My last name is Greenbump. I'm not going to just assume anymore. I'm actually a Muslim woman. Been the whole time. It is weird. I really, I could have sworn you were, uh, you like dudes and then Because it's just a fear, but I believe that now especially comedy

We don't give a fuck if you're gay straight. No, as Mark said. I think if I came out it would be it would make my That would make my career right and it's got to be harder to do what you do because you sound gay, but you're not Right to people are frustrated. Yeah, they're frustrated. It's bothering him Well, it's like it's like an elephant in the room and people go like well, what's going on? It almost throws the audience off you don't think you by the way fucking Harrison murders, okay? Yeah, like this guy fucking annihilates so in spite of the fact that it's like this this weird dynamic that almost like makes people like Have to be out of the moment with you he addresses it though Yeah, yeah, you have to have to yeah, what do you say? Well, he shoots the to be out of the moment with you. He addresses it though. He tells it.

You have to. You have to. Yeah. What do you say? Well, he shoots the butt plug out of his asshole on the stage. I have a Joe Grego. I have a bunch of them. One of them is I went to Harvard and now I'm a comedian.

So I'm pretty sure they cancel each other out. It's like being straight and having this voice. Uh-huh. So is that. So tell us one of the good ones. Yeah. But there's the whole thing where I go, you know, I'm straight, I think I don't know, let's go with it. But then I talk about, like, how do you like, do you like pineapple for example?

I love pineapple. How do you know? I love cock. But the joke is just like, sexual out is one of the only preferences we have. I really joke. No, but good. Sexual out is one of the only preferences where you don't get the sample alternatives before arriving at your decision. Like, you're like pineapple. How do you know you like pineapple?

Because you had it right you brought it home put it in your mouth swallowed that was your method. Yeah I was like what that so you swallow cock. He's making my dip hard right now. I'm really fluffin up I'm fluffed up to the way he said that I say we fuck him Bucket spit roast Harrison over the table. Yeah, I think it's still rape. I'm pretty sure Man, right? Harrison over the table. Yeah, I think it's still rape I'm pretty sure Guy Guys don't get raped that's why women I thought you're gay if you gay it's rape if you're gay If you're just one of the guys you're one of the guys hilarious

Well, I am I am That's why I wanted to bring him here. I wish I was gay. If I was gay, you know, I'm like, oh, I'd finally get an audience. Nah. I just have a fucking... Be easier to get sex, too. You know what a fucking chunky, like a lovable ball guy like me

with a little edge. I get a lot of action in the gay community. What would you be? You're not a bear, bear's a hairy. I'm a twink bear. No. That's not a bear. You're a gummy bear.

Oh, you're, ah, there it goes. You're more of a manady is there a Yeah, it's gonna get a tissue see cow these fucking allergies killing me man Shit sorry, let's don't take one from Harrison A tissue yeah, it was a come joke guys So all right, so you're not gay and you have a girlfriend you you have a date today I had a day. I just came from a coffee day He's up. What was last time you banged a chick?

Friday Well the first time I ever had sex. Hi, okay, so you banged a chick Friday. I never done that before you banged a Friday I did what you have regular sex like what kind of sex was it? Did you have missionary doggy? All we did it It was a lot. I went all of this is now. no, no, no, did you, when did you come? At what position? It was anal and he made it wear a baseball cap. She had to hold the baseball cap in the back. She had to catch her's mask on. She had to read the scores of the 80.

And now I'm so bad. And now I'm so bad. Alex Robbery, yes, hit a homeowner last time. He's leading the league. He guess. Fucking hard. Was a Dan Adderwin? No, we had, we had,

we had sex three times. Three times. Wow. Jesus Christ. Yeah, you showing like a, that's very gay thing. To have sex a lot. Yeah, yeah, straight guys, only fuck one, and we're done.

Yeah. She was only two, she was hot. So you, so when did you come? What was the position you came in? Different ones each time. All right, tell me one. First one, tell me the first one. First one was...

On a picture of a flagrant. On a picture of a flagrant. On a picture of a flagrant. On an old Johnny Debt team. On an old Johnny Debt team. On an old Johnny Debt team. On an old Johnny Debt team. On an old Johnny Debt team.

On an old Johnny Debt team. On an old Johnny Debt team. On an old Johnny Debt team. On an old Johnny Debt team. On an old Johnny Debt team. On an old Johnny Debt team. On an old Johnny Debt team. Yeah, I think one was missionary one was doggy and I remember the third. I'm missionary doggy and you don't remember the third. Third was through a fake beard. Ha ha ha. The third was facing a TV and the TV was playing high school musical. There you go. Your head was out the window looking at the gardener.

Ha ha ha ha. I do live next to lips. I live next to a drag bar. Oh, so you see a lot of that. Convenient. You're local. Do sit on your windowsill and sing songs at midnight out the window I only wish I could be me

I am what I am I think I mean he has had a sec Scopo come on fucking dog, please get in there. Oh Shit no, he said that's someone who had a joke. He didn't do someone else's joke. I'm going Scoobo only knows comics. He sounds like yeah Look like Scoobo doesn't like you. Yeah, I could tell He likes you. I'm kidding So so you bang you bang a lot. I do okay. Yeah, he does though. Geez. That's crazy, man So if we go on the road you like if I took you to middle for me,

you're not gonna try to fool around, you're not gonna sneak in my room. No, you're gonna have to wing me. So I'm gonna have to wing you, get you girls. You don't have to, but I can't wing you. You can't, because I'm married. Right, so you know what, that's it, right? See that, he fucking knows.

No, it's not a good wing man, I don't think. I'm a great fucking man, so. I don't think so. He's fantastic. He can carry a lot of Buffalo wings. He's fantastic. He can carry a lot of Buffalo wings. He can carry a lot of Buffalo wings.

He can carry a lot of Buffalo wings. He can carry a lot of Buffalo wings. But, did the girls ever like, you ever hit on a girl and she's like, aren't you gay? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's awful. Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl?

Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you spend like two hours with the girl? Mark, did you's like a magician. He's got this back. Oh, sorry, hey, did you ask? I feel bad. I feel guilty about the fat jokes.

I don't know why. Why? I don't know. Fat jokes are mean. They're mean. I mean, that's the fucking bottom layer. That's where we go right away. I mean, we want to go deeper than that, but don't feel bad about going to the obvious.

It's hard to go deeper when there's that many layers. He's fucking gay. He's fat. I'm a fucking angry guy. He's not funny. Why do you get like a cool one? I'm a dumb. You're's fat. I'm a fucking angry guy. He's not funny. Why is it? Why do you get why do you get like a cool one? You're a dumb. I'm a dumb. Yeah, you are no, I'm not you're dumb enough. Nobody thinks I'm dumb I ran into a fucking dumbbell

What what oh the eyes? Oh, yeah, what happened? It's really called a dumbbell. It's a fucking Blue that's literally a term for being dumb. That's why they named it because someone named Rick and it was just called a bell but then a bunch of dummies kept running into it. Me having a fucking accident in the gym is not the same. What was the accident? I don't want to talk about it. No I

want to know about it. We don't want to talk about it. Oh my god. I can't talk about putting a ball in your mouth. Later I said before the fucking show that I don't want to talk about a first specific reason cox. Here's the deal. We just fucking talked about his sexuality for a half hour He took a fucking 95 hits about it. There's a reason dickhead. There's a fucking reason

I fuck up. It's a legal plan. Yeah, just fucking I'll tell you later. I promise got you Oh, so you fucking doing a holly fachum and schmitz the commercial thing. Oh God Have you been injured at the gym? Do you need help? Have you slipped in the shower? Sports club call me for it's and fine-steed we've been helping people for 37 years This guy right here. He's a Puerto Rican. He hit a dumbbell He hasn't even paid his gym tuition in four months But now we got him free gym and ten thousand dollars that is ex-girlfriend

of a month uh... shit alright to well i uh... well i have a the big parties coming up so you guys are all invited party. All right. It's not as cool as you think. You're talking about his son's second birthday party.

You have a good time last year. I had a great time, but you were a little bit of an elitist. Like I was at a table with Kelly Fistuka and Scopo. While you were at a table with fucking Amy Schumer and OP. And you literally didn't look at me. Like I was a fucking like I was a fucking you. I had to go there early and clean up the place. Well, I wouldn't look at at you he was in the SpongeBob

causes almost shares with shiny cuz of me Scoob one and set up and watch Bobby's call what wow I have to wash the guy just did that cuz he fell on it haha I was dirty I did the interior it was here's a deal I had 30 people over the house family from Boston friends friends, neighbors, and comics, so I mixed a bunch of worlds. And I had to cook, I cooked, literally did all the cooking.

My wife did all the indoor cooking, I did all the grilling. And when they people came in, they sat kind of with their rank. You know what I mean? Like Lewis and Kelly and Dan, they all kind of sat over on this. Not Dan, Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. And then Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage.

Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage.

Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Dan moved to the big stage. Sure, and then I got a few breaks, but I I set outside with you and you kid I set up a play pen for your kid I said I couldn't really talk to anybody that much

Yeah, I really could have but at the end of the day when I sat down But that's your responsibility you're supposed to get the fuck up from wherever you're sitting and come sit with us You don't sit over in the fucking corner by yourself, but another thing looks not forget you brought your kid I did bring a lot of that really fucked you out of the game. No, but that's a good one. Because you can do experience it. Oh, absolutely. Rubbing elbows with fucking Colin and Amy.

I can do that any time in the city. Yeah, but that, first of all, don't get angry. Well, my name is Shoe doesn't make eye contact with me, but Colin, he likes me. But what I'm saying, I'm not saying it as a, you're an idiot for doing that. I, I, I, I'm glad you brought your kid, but your kid, your kid, it was at the age

where you could run around. You can't, like my kid wasn't walking, so he was stationary. He was wherever the fuck all of them. His kid, he had to fucking pay full attention to him. So you can't really, when you have a two year old, you really can't have a conversation with somebody fully because you got to make all of a sudden

he wants to go there and do this. So he brought a kid and you know, what conversation are you really going to have? You know what I mean? Because you had to take care of your kid. I love that you brought your kid. I want you to bring your kid this year. I can't come.

Why? I'm on the road. Where are you? Comics. You're not talking about the... Comics at Fox Woods. Yeah, whoa, hey. For Sunday night?

Yeah, headlining. All weekend? No, I'm headlining the Wednesday Sunday.? Yeah, headlining. Oh, all weekend? No, I'm headlining the Wednesday Sunday. Yeah. That's not headline. That's middling. In the headlining. No, the fronting. No, no, fronting.

The fronting. No, fronting. Yeah, that's the headlining. Yeah. Well, I'm headlining the Sunday. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no's middle. No, but you can come and see me headline on the side. Yeah, it's not really headlining, it's actually. This is like, listen, who's on feature? That was good. I loved it.

Yeah, that was, that was your, you guys, you guys segregated yourself last year. If I was you, I would have went and sat at the other fucking table. That nice of you. No, I would never do that. I know a naturally does it, but just at a party like that, you're supposed to kinda, you son of like that, you're supposed to kinda,

you son of a bitch, you supposed to do what Dan did, but also laugh at you. And the son of that over and fucking, hey, what's up, Colin? Right, right. And kind of engage Colin for a second. No, and I did, I did, but I didn't,

so what are you bitching about? I'm like hanging out with like Joe lists and fucking Sarah. That's fucking music, right? And like, she's awesome. No, but I'm not gonna go and like try to fucking interject myself on a conversation with people that aren't like, like I like everybody, like all those guys, but they're not my friends.

Like Joe and these guys are my friends, I'm not gonna just be like, well I gotta go rub elbows with bigger comics now. No, you're not rubbing elbows, you fucking this is it? I'm not, it's an comedy center party. It's a party, yeah. It's my fucking house, these are my friends, you're a friend, you talk to my other friends, you fucking idiot.

How do you think we become friends? I did talk to you. You're making it like it's an industry party an industry party like thinking you're saying why do I move over to that table? No, you said because I'm a Climber like you and He's not a climber. He's friends dumb dumb. I know that's your problem. You're fucking in your head You're in your head too much, but also didn't you you got past the seller between this that last party and this party Yeah, now I wouldn't look at the other table You really would I was really hoping lose gonna be there. I'm now fucked. I got nobody

Now you hung out a lot with these people a lot more. No, I knew everybody then I've no I've been in comedy for a long time I know all these people forget me being in the seller or not like I mean not talking you at that part is because I don't like you I know I know that it wasn't where you are are class wise it's you're just a shitty person that's not true huh I like I when you smash him he's always gonna go that's not true like every smash is that's no that's a lot that's a lie that's that's actually not true I take a good smash yeah I take a good smash It's gonna be a lot of fun. Fist and sexually. The donkey gay chicken.

Gay chicken. You know what, you're getting it back. No, no, no. You enjoy it. And if you enjoy it, it's funny now. Yeah, it's catching on now. It's funny to get it on now. Yeah, it really is.

Do you, do you gonna make a t-shirt? I asked my friend that to spell Borgolk. No. No. I'm gonna get you a chicken. Oh, shit. That's a album. It's weird for me because I have a lot of my friends at Cahn and Norton and you guys you guys were all living in the city

You're doing that life that I did a couple years ago when I lived in the city and you just jumped on a fucking train You did just bought you fucking come home now that I'm living up where I live It's a you know not even just having a kid because you have a kid in the city and you kind of still live in the same life. You're just doing it in the city, but when you move out and you get this house, I'm in the backyard fucking doing the shit that I never like to do as a kid, but now I kind of like it, like, you know,

gardening and taking care of my lawn. You're being a human being. You have space and it's a weird, it's a weird fucking thing to, you know, I planted a tree. I'm making a rock garden tomorrow with, I just bought two yards of river rock. Wow. That they're dropping off. And I got a fucking wheelbarrow.

I mean, I'm doing all the shit that my, you know, that, you know, stepdad's tried to get me to do right, right, sack and fuck you. I'm going to drink high knees at the park. Is there a party that feels kind of dead from it? Or do you, or do you embrace it? Like, you know, you're kind of like, well, the fun part of my life's over. This is it.

No, I think it's, it's for me to, as a dad. And Lewis probably knows this too. When you're a dad, you kind of like doing things that your son, you know, like, I cleaned my car yesterday. So I sat my kid in the car as I cleaned it. And he was just fucking around trying to drive the car, doing all kinds of shit that he sees me do. Yeah.

They see what you do. Eating cheeseburgers. 20s little middle finger out the window. Burping. Trucking. Just forget that. There's a three year old Trané blowing him. The kids milking himself.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But the fun you would talk about, people don't understand it about being a parent. OK, nobody explains it to you. Please. There's no words for it. It's just a different life.

And the fun is a different fun. And it's more fulfilling fun. When I'm fucking having fun with my son, he's blowing bubbles. Dude, I don't give a shit about it. People blowing bubbles. Bubbles are the name of the three-year-old trend. No, I understand what you're saying.

But here's the thing. I think comics were selfish people. Yeah. Well, just selfish, and it's not because it's just, you have to kind of be that way to get into this business and to come up in it. You're alone a lot, you're getting taken advantage of a lot by people, so you kind of have to learn to take care of yourself

and do things by yourself for yourself coming up. Even though I think a comedy community we're one of the best, you know, we really help each other out. But we're one of the only industries that when like your fellow comic is like, hey, my girl's pregnant or I'm gonna be a dad, you're like, oh I'm sorry to hear that. Like it's one of the few, you're not, you're like,

I don't have to go through that. I think that's young, like that's unnerved. I'd say that, I say that. Like it's one of the few, you're not, you're like, I don't know how to go through that. I think that's young. Like that's unnerved. I tell everybody. I say that, I say that shit. I'm like, I'm like, that sucks. I mean, when I was, when I was, I mean,

look, I'm mace, a lot of people were like, oh shit dude, like, but no, not really. Like when I told Bobby that I was having a kid, he wasn't like, oh wait,

yeah, yeah. He was like, dude, good for you man. I mean, he called Fosh to homes to get this kid at home. You know what I mean? He called me,htahomes to get this in a home. You know,

you're like, dude, did you fucking let me come in you? Wow. I don't know what's, is there something we could, is there beach towel? Can you take that R blanket, throw it over your head to a bomb parachute? That was a tough one because it was about your head. Hang on, hang on with the bomb parachute. I've never heard somebody get a bomb for a bomb parachute. That was a tough one because it was about your end. Hang on, hang on with the bomb parachute.

I've never heard somebody get a bomb for a bomb. You're describing a new bomb thing. But I'm in the back. I insist it's taking notes. I'm in the backyard. When you buy a house, it's so funny how life is allically shay. Everything old people tell you is absolutely true.

All the shit they say to you is fucking exact. They're not saying. The blacks are running the neighborhood. You're the black. You're the black. You're the black. You're the black. You're the black.

You're the black. You're the black. You're the black. You're the black. You're the black. You're the black. You're the black. You're the black.

You're the black. You're the black. You're the black. You're the black. You're the black'm out in the backyard. Having this house is a never ending. I could literally spend a million dollars on this house. If I wanted to, just fixing it, and it wouldn't even be a bigger, you know what I mean? It would just be, whether it should be. When you get this house, you have to fucking,

I got the backyard I'm gonna deal with. I got a driveway I'm gonna deal with. I got a fucking garage. I had a cut down trees. It cost me almost three grand to cut down fucking trees in my backyard. What? Dude, it's a fucking saw. We had a tree.

No, we had a tree falling out. It was a 200 foot fucking tree. Yeah, we had a tree during a storm fall on our house and I'm gonna kill like, I had to push through the roof. The tree in the back of my house, I had three of them, one of them was so big. And if you stood on the side of it,

it was leaning towards my house. And it was massive. Right, it's a disaster ready to have. And every night I go to bed, coming out of the, going into the winter or coming out of the fall, I would fucking sit there and stay awake, waiting to hear that fucking cracking sound.

And it to come, come right through my fucking, because it was coming right over the bedroom, taking out little Macs, taking out my wife. You know what I mean? And I'd probably live and have to deal with the fucking shit, and I had to fill out forms and all that stuff. And then you heard the cracking, and you realized you were sitting on a chair.

So I got to cut that. I thought it was good, man. I mean, he feels bad after he says it. He feels guilty right after I say it. This is sorry. Please, don good, man. I mean, he feels bad after he says it. I feel guilty right after I say it. I'm sorry. Please, don't, please. All right, all right. I want to be great at the chair broke right now.

I put it together, might. That was a double, it was a dumb joke on himself. So anyways, yeah, it was on the backyard. And I had to fucking fix all the shit and fucking water and grass and all this fuck, but you do when your kids running around in the background jumping in the sprinkler and you're sitting over there doing some shit that he's gonna enjoy. Later on, I'm making the backyard better for this kid.

And I put this fire pit out there now with these logs and this gravel and you're sitting out there last night with me and my wife, we had this fire pit out there now with these logs and this gravel and you were sitting out there last night with me and my wife. We had the fire pit going at night and just in the backyard with the woods, I was smoking a stug. I was like, this is the fucking shit. Your back smells like a fucking obstacle course, fire pits and fucking sprinklers. Yeah, let them finish. Riverstone trees. I love that I love that all like really cool Rich white people stuff is obstacle course Like two cars American ninja warriors

Heat nace These are all obstacles to him breaking in I got a time over a rock. I got to go through a place that he has a new security system. It was weird, those plasma TVs don't walk out themselves. I don't know if you've ever dealt with contractors. Anybody? Oh, yeah.

My bad does real estate. Okay, listen, so I have to get my trees down. Looks like a mechanic. You don't know if it's really 3,000 or if it's, he could say 20,000. You don't know the fuck. You have no fucking rules. They have all the information. Now, okay, I had a friend of mine, Fred.

He's a chimney guy. I needed a chimney. That was one of the first things I needed when I moved in this house. The chimney on the fucking roof was made in the 50s. It was literally outside was a spestus. Okay, when they just didn't know, a spestus is the newest thing. That's a few grandest removed guys. It's made out of lemon juice and a spestus. Okay, when they just didn't know, especially says the newest thing So made out of lemon juice and a spestile and

And I had it get it off the roof because it was falling apart and it was standing the roof It was fucking nightmare. I went through chimney guy first one comes over He's at 1800 bucks comes up literally rips to top of the chimney. This is broken. I go it is now This before on the house. I just got permission to go on the roof and examine the chimney. This guy rips it off, throws it. And next guy, 2200, next guy, 2800. I'm like, I don't fucking know. Yeah.

He doesn't want to pay the $1800 guy and find out he's terrible. I don't want to do that. If I have to pay the 28 and get a job, if that's Fred, friend of mine now, who Fred from Brooklyn, who actually is great guy, does chimneys contacted me and he told me, yeah, these guys are fucking criminals

if you're not careful. He actually made me a custom chimney, came over him and his son, put it up for under a certain amount of money. It would have cost me probably around the maybe $1,500, or whatever, I don't know. But he it was like yeah They're all I had nine con contractors come over. She's for the I need a driveway I need the fucking I need to the trees and I need the backyard graded and resand I mean receded

It was one guy was 33,000 dollars another guy was 4500 It's like that's insane. who the fuck is, who's lying? Do you have to supervise them? That's the whole thing is if you go away and you let them just do it, you don't, it never gets done. You have to be on top of them. Well, you have to be on top of them,

but if not, they'll come in and take down your trees, they'll fucking, they'll roll over your kids toys. Right. They'll ruin you back. If you're not like, hey, don't fucking do that, they'll just fucking do it. So, so it's like I had nine guys come down and how how do you fucking pick who the fuck is the right guy it's uh uh uh it's a guy that's not Mexican one guy wrote I was about I was literally about to sign the

fuck Mexicans are the best yeah oh they're fucking best they are they're the best the tree guys I had come down but the guys usually like Italian or heck I was Italian absolutely absolutely. He comes down. I, well, we're gonna do a fuck, what's your best offer? I said 20 and 100 bucks. I got it, boom, we're done. And then a fucking five Mexican dudes come in.

Guy climbed the tree, 150 foot tree in two seconds. Oh yeah. It was gone and it was gone in 20 minutes. This fucking tree was gone in 20 minutes. I, it was, where the fuck did it go? It was crazy. They did the whole backyard unbelievable American tree restoration I believe things later than I will be back with dead problems right after this that was a

well we can go we can go with unfa-un-un-un-successful problems what's going on in your backyard if you didn't fucking almost have an aneurysm in the middle of that sentence you might have fucking gotten it. Because I got too excited. Yeah. And a good one. I just didn't know it was unsuccessful or... No, you can't talk about it.

There's a lawsuit about the dog fighting in the back. And by the way, I also have a backyard dick face in New York City, which is almost unheard of. Wow. Have a backyard. If you want to call it a bag. Well, like a prison yard. He's a little syringe guard. It's. James is going to have to get used to. Dad, when he has to go visit him.

Many weights. Dad, why is your prison nickname gay chicken? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That was a gay turkey. You just said you were like, oh, I can't give that a chance. That's what I said. I'm like creative vice-c. Galbogawa. Let's bet. Galbog. Galbog. Galbog.

Galbog. The Hummerbird. They're the fucking... I'm telling you, when you're gonna get a house, you're all gonna get a fucking house someday. Right. It's to go Cuz comics we we have we stay in hotels and we have apartments and that's the fuck it people do shift for us our whole lives

We don't do shit. We play video games. You get on the fucking internet. We tell jokes We occasionally get a fucking part on TV Yeah, and then we bang rods and fucking eat and have fun. Tell Lewis what that's like part on TV. And then we bang rods and fucking eat and have fun. Tell Lewis what that's like. That was funny. I thought it was funny. Why are you gonna get angry face? I'm gonna get angry. I can't laugh at him making a joke at my expense. Good point. Good point. Why? You just trashed me for 10 minutes. I was laughing. They were all good. I don't have to. I mean, I didn't, it didn't tickle me particularly. At least he didn't say, that's not true. Yeah. Yeah. Inside at least you didn't say that's not true Yeah inside he was though. Yeah, not true

Um, but then it is vision journal Yeah, like I had a super for so many years. You just call the super right when when something goes wrong with the The the lounge chairs in your backyard or the actual the the guarding you have garden in your backyard Oh, no, you have lounge chairs. Yes. Okay. Yeah, so when someone goes wrong with the lounge chairs in the backyard that you stole from the garbage Well, no, I mean we know there are so we wouldn't call our fucking super for that If there was like a problem with the heating or something I would call B and like B call the super they don't know that I live here Be then there's a lot of the amelies As a comedian, your job is to question sort of sadist, quote, things.

That's your job is to make fun of the things that everybody else takes for granted. So when you have that little bit of guilt when you are like, I kind of do enjoy being like in a backyard. I love the backyard. I fucking love it. I'm 30 minutes out of the city. I can get down to the cellar in probably around 40 minutes.

79 street and 30 minutes. I can't talk about the cellar in his house. He takes a long time to get around. I don't know. I can't laugh at that because I have a crawl space. I know that's a untrue thing. Like literally, it's untrue. Yeah, but I really do fucking love it. And it's dangerous because you can get like this night. Sure, it's like why the fuck am I going in right right? Why am I going in town to do a 15 minute spot?

Who gives a fuck put the kid down like the last three nights me and Donum and fucking I go out We play with the kid all day in the backyard We fucking hang out we put them down, I'd barbeque. Is there a better way than saying put them down? That's true. It sounds like they're being put down. What a baby, oh you mean like that? Then I put them down.

I fucking kill my baby, I do it again, get up the next morning bro, what I do. Get that confession. I put my kid to sleep, is that better? Nope, it's still pretty I don't know what's on a nap. It's to bed Bad there. They got a bad a bad bad bad bad. He swims with the fishes. Yeah, I don't like with you two characters It's my fucking character my fucking dying guy. Hey, is that your Italian guy? Hey, what's going on dying guy? What's your name? Guido. Guido, what?

Guido Jenkins. Jenkins is not Italian. I'm on this guy, I don't do, I don't do in private with characters. Holy is for the day. I need a couple of seconds to think about stuff. So if you wanna write down the questions, I'm gonna tell you right now, answer the questions.

Guido, what's your last name? Jenkins is what I changed it to was originally Google Yachty. It was hard to say for show business, you know, I don't want to know. What was your name before? What is it? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? Guido? I brought my family from Sicily. Your family's from Sicily? So you're just a Sicilian. So Sicily, yeah, yeah. Like the pizza you fat fucking ordered is. So, so where are you from? We're doing back, yo, now he's doing the Stefano. Where are you from? Wait.

Where are you from? Well, where do I live now? Yeah, I live in fucking Queens. Where are you from originally? I, I, I fucking Queens. What are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you,

what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are the Queens what part of Queens? I've fucking done Bay Ridge Bay Ridge Queens it's a quick it's a trick answer you dumb dumb not a trick question We were asking questions you would give answers you fucking idiot You're the worst at characters. I'm not a character guy. You know that. Oh, you are. I am a character. I am V character people do impressions of me Yeah, but not in a good way Like they do it like I know I know

I Know but but they're still doing it. Yeah, I love that he's there I know. I know. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, Stop stop stop stop stop stop what did you say exaggerated intonations of his voice? I think wow my fucking eye just twitched yeah Intonations I did do you have that on like a word daily word thing? No, but that so yeah fine. They make what does intonations mean? I don't even know Right context yeah It means the the cadence or the the rise and fall of the voice and speaking yeah Our two deep boo. Yeah, he's gonna be play by Kumail in the TV show

That's not true All right, I got a classic Lewis impression. Oh, my god. My god. Gay chicken, gay chicken contest, you got what I was going for, right? We got it. Showed up for gay chicken contest dresses, a gay chicken. Oh god. But you licked a guy's ball

That's not chicken. He has to have a scary thing Dude, that's too car smashing into each other. That's called an accident No, that's just you looking the other cars You're in the road Yeah, I don't think I don't think you care about gay or straight Lewis. I think what I think, I've never done anything sexual with a guy. I could have plenty of times. You looked at Paul. What you could have done.

That wasn't sexual, it was pretty funny. When you could have, it's like saying the end word in a joke. It's not racist, it's fine. When could you, when could you have, give me a scenario. When we go to break with Harrison. And now you said you could have been with guys plenty of times. Yeah, when? I told you the story about the Indian guide.

Did I tell them on the show or didn't? Deepu? It's time me and she's the fuck to do. Do you see Deepu as his head go up? No, I, Deepu doesn't like uncircumcised. I, there was a guy who I met randomly

when I was selling tickets in Times Square back in the day. This guy, he was like Indian and he was like, yeah, my brother is bar just close. He was like, but I have the keys. We can go back and like drink and smoke weed there. He's like, but I have the keys. We can go back and like drink in some of weed there. There's like shooting the shit.

So he brought me back there. So no, I wanted to tell him to sexy your voice. So we got back there. Yeah. Well, he was going on. I'm Guido, Gubernallotti. And so we went back there. Now, so we went back to his bar and he started

like just feeding me drinks, like rolling joints for me. And he started drinking or doing anything. And at that point, I actually got what was going on like I like I was like All right this guy's trying to fuck me out that's when you went in the bathroom wash your ass hole balls Time for the milking But he tried to grab me and like try to make out of me and I push him away. I'm sucking you dick. I ain't kissing you I'm like, push him away. I'm sucking you dick, I ain't kissing you. Well, I told him. No kissing.

No kissing. No kissing. Business before pleasure. This is not gonna be romantic, you fucking queen. So I know I pushed my hands with, so I open for Cosby. So no, I pushed him away and I was like, dude, are you fucking crazy? And I said to him, I really did like,

just like level with him, I was like, dude, I'm not a whore. If you wanna do this, you gotta slow, maybe go in another date and then this can happen. I want dinner. I want I want dinner. I want candles chocolate flowers. I want dinner from a truck and I want some candles. I want some Steven Singer golden dip rolls. No but I told them I was like dude another fucking big Puerto Rican guy would have just started drilling you in the head and robbed this place. It's like, it's one of the drill you in the ass

and suck your face. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha is Dante here? Wow. Dante, I didn't not say that. But I love you, Dante. The way that I looked like I know you guys make fun of me for being an animal now, but I was like, I was a street kid. I had a lip ring. I had fucking like, you know what? I say, when you first met me, I was that guy. Yeah, I like you. When you thought I had something about me. And, but that guy would have normally been a dangerous guy to bring in that situation Sure

I that guy could have easily fucking just attacked him and robbed or whatever Um, but that was that I'm like nah dude fucking and then with funny as I said no And then we like just showed for a minute and then he tried again Like maybe I was thinking about it. You know me. No. Why do you know? Now you know what I feel like I just say why did you say when you try to find a good point. Well, yeah, whoa. Did you hear what did you hear me say? Now you know, he knows it feels like every girl you've ever dated. But that's is what girls feel like with every guy because we don't always try once and then they say no we're not into it. We'll go back almost every time to try again. We don't really try again

though. We take our dicks out and just kind of try to hypnotize about the text. Yeah. What are you doing? It's my mind. Or that like I just want to go to bats. You just poke them with your reaction. No, yeah.

That's a close. Dude, I've been watching James Dean the porn star fuck jokes. He's women. Women love him. That's how I'm going to fuck from now on. OK, that's it. Women love this guy. And centrally, slide it.

Yeah, yeah. With a big penis. Are you out of the bit? Please go to porn instead of comedy. Oh, I wish. If I had a dick for porn, I would have made that mistake when I was 19 easily. So much so does the comedy clubs wish.

I don't know. Wait, wait, what is it? You say to like Yoda, the comedy club wishes you quit. It does. My fucking allergy is killing my voice by the way. Your allergies are making your brain melt? Yeah, it is really. My fucking head is killing me.

I had a sti because of my allergies. It was gross. It was disgusting. It was gross. I was a little bit angry. Why'd you stay around when the guy turned hit on you? Because I felt, and then at that point, I literally just felt bad. I didn't want to be like, oh, get away queer.

I was like, all right, dude, chill the fuck out. And it was warm inside. I didn't want to go back to selling to a free dress. He sucked dick for home anyway. out and it was warm inside. I don't want to go back to selling to free drinks. He's sat dig for home anyways. But I mean, no, I've had a hundred situations where a dude wanted to hook up with a hundred guys. That's a lot. Wow. There's no way you guys. Maybe you should have been walking the parade. Listen to me. Gay guys want to fuck you know that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They want to fuck. They want to fuck you know that guy's they want to fuck

straight guys they love to return them really love straight guys Harrison is that true is it that's a trick question yet it is I mean what a big rich Harrison's the only when he gets on gay he gets more feminine I don't know Aaron talking about that's bullshit. That's crazy. I love pussy Harrison you're not even doing an accent right now. You're just talking Yeah, this has all been a mask the whole time. Oh, yeah So, um, I don't understand a hundred That's a lot. Come on. I would say almost any gay guy that I've ever been alone with Come on. I was trying to fuck guy that I've ever been alone with. Come on.

Let's try to fuck you. I've gotten a vibe. Then he's you're putting out the vibes. Maybe. They like about that. Why do you say that? Because he starts with a bolder thing too. Why do you say that?

Because no, gay guys aren't just trying to convert straight people as much as possible. You're putting something out. How do you know? Can I have gay friends? Ah. How do you know? Can I have gay friends? Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Bacock? And that's what it's like when Lewis is blown. Oh boy, that's quite a hummer. Who fucking farted? Jesus Christ! Was not me. Was not me.

That is not me. That is not me. That is not me. Harrison's ass hole is always open. It smells like a scapegoat. Who is that? Holy fuck. That is rancid.

Wow, that was a U-Lu. It wasn't me. Somebody's got to own up to that. I would say I'd be proud of that one. Yeah, scople was farting before when we didn't appreciate it. I would admit it right now. It's over there. I don't smell it.

So I feel like it's coming this way. So it goes in here farting. It's that wills ghost. I do do dot. A white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white Wait, did Dante scare Will off the show? I didn't know the country. He's done it, Australia. Dante can win Will a joke thief and then Will stop coming on the show. Whoa! He did Australia.

I didn't know that. Right, are we not allowed to talk about that? You talk about it, have you, what buddy? Alright. Damn. I was just, my son is just, I just almost passed out. I was like, oh wait, am I allowed to say that? It's just passing out.

I can't see an analogies man, I can't see it. Yeah, yeah, and then fucking Will hasn't been on the show since. No, Will's been out of the country. He's not a Australia. So I would love to have, I love Will. Will can definitely come on the show because he wants me, but out of the country. Yeah, he just called out the worst possible time.

So you guys kicked him off the show because he's a joke for you. We know out of the country, let it be told. We know if we need to leave the country. I really wouldn't want Dante to be the one calling me a joke thief though. No. So you can't just go, like if it's anybody else, I'd be like, fuck you bitch.

And Dante, it's like, you know what? You get a point. Right. I might have had some parallel thinking. I had. Dante's a big motherfucker. Buddy, he got his quads fucking repaired.

So this is the time. Yeah, he is the time. He's injured. Yeah, first, yeah, there's a big motherfucker buddy got his quads fucking repaired So he's the time he's the time he's injured. Yeah, first of all he wasn't the past few years Have him in great to Dante Dante has the fucking low lower body of a midget. It's terrible What does he have lower body of a midget? He's the same hip kind of displacement. He has a fucking like weird like water walk Well, that's cuz his auntie would have to have, literally get into his jeep to catch me. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. It's just get a nine foot cock swing and be hit.

I can't speak. Wow. Nine foot cock swing in between his legs. Yeah, that's not the top, that's not the top. That's not the top. Girl. Yeah, don't think it was the fucking real deal. Oh yeah.

I mean, he's killed a, I mean, you know, I called him up because before we put him on the actual network, I had concerns about his show because it was the Brown Bayes Phillips show. We had the Black, which was Patricia's show, Black Phillip. Black Phillip, yeah. And he was on that and I was like, look man, Patricia's my friend and I'm not putting on some,

you know, watered down version of what my dead friend. I'm a, I can't, I love Dante, but I can't do that to my friend. And he actually explained to me, he was like, look, I didn't know all this either. He was like, look, Bobby, all that stuff that we talked about. I was a stripper for years.

I actually, he was actually a pimp. Yeah. He pimped women. He lived it. He lived that life. Yeah. But Trees lived with his mom until he was 26. Then he did a fat bitch from the

He lived that life. Yeah, Patrice lived with his mom until he was 26 then he did a fat bitch from the lives One of his 35 he moved his mom back in because he fell he had a pair of back. So I mean, you know what I mean? I was like oh shit With a bullet and it's like Dante, you know, Patrice probably got a lot of shit from Dante too So I was like all right, you know what, that really opened my eyes a little bit to that motherfucker. He's had a crazy, he lived it. Some of the best stories, if you actually want to sit down and just hear like great fucking

stories about getting pussy and fighting, like if that's your world, which is kind of my world, he's one of the best. Did you see that? Do you see how my Tuesday's been? I love to. He has some of the best crazy, and I've heard a story multiple times, with so many details, that's how I know they're true.

But, because he, yeah. Such specific shit that he always fucking, it's not like he's embellishing anything. No, no, no, no, no. He's like, sweetheart guys too, where like, you sit down and you talk to him and he's like, it's up to sweetheart guys. No, he's a great guy.

I really do, he's a sweet guy. He, I remember, I bought that fucking, I wanted to put, I wanted a 10 foot desk and I found a bowling alley on Craigslist in Brooklyn, a truck flipped over and it split down the middle of this bowling alley. So it was like literally the exact size, 25 inches by 10 feet, It was a bowling alley.

Wow. So I went and bought it and Dante helped me load it into the car and followed me the fuck home and uh, fucking helped me because I couldn't have done it. I needed his brute fucking strength. Yeah. But he's a really sweet, sweet guy. Yeah. But I wouldn't fuck with him in a second. No, no, no. I'm kidding around about him chasing me. He would still annihilate me. He's a whole other level. When you train martial arts like that, when you're a trained fucking martial artist and a trained fighter who's just done it,

and forget just kidding the bad, cause we've all boxed, we've all been to the gym. He's fucking bare knuckle fought, like underground shit. He's spored, he's competed. When you're in it, and you know know you're gonna get kicked in the fucking head And you don't care and that's that's part of your life It's a different level of confidence. You see guys that know how to fight and then just tough guys Yeah, the guys that know how to fight dude, they're sharks in a tank full of guppies

And that's what Dante is so you don't fuck with somebody like that even at his age and his you know Nyle you do wow he would annihilate anybody in this room. I'd say any three people in this room easily. I mean look, you can get him tired maybe, but he's fucking tough. Yeah. Yeah, he's a tough guy, but he does he does walk weird. Yes. Yes. He's definitely going to hear this.

You know what I want to say? I said this. He hasn't looked. I do want to back up a little bit because there was, I don't believe totally in this Pimp bitches thing. You know, I remember, but he's caught me up on, he was like, yo man, we're talking about our girls and he's like, you got a Pimp, you got a Pimper Bobby, you got a Pimper bitch. I was like, that shit works.

My girl has a college education. Yeah. Right. It's a lot harder to Pimp her. It's a good point. You know what I mean? I mean, look, if you talk about my wife. My wife can leave me and go get a job. She can go get a better guy, probably.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm saying that. I got a probably. I have a chip, a little bit. I put on a pedestal or a hat or a jig, that I put on a pedestal that I look up to and I go, wow, she makes me want to be a better person. I can't fucking.

I'm like, did it. Bring her down. But there's no UK, she's not a ratchet hoe. I'm gonna be like, bitch, you ain't shit. Like, that's not the way it works. She's fucking smoking. She's smart. She's got a college degree Yeah, she's got a sense of humor. She's got a personality. There's a shirt. She'll go to the next dude There's a certain there's a look at there's a certain woman that you can pamper whatever they call it But look at the woman I like I don't want to be I don't want to fucking be able to

Pimp my bitch. She wouldn't be a horse. She'd be an escort. Well, it's just I don't want some I want somebody that's gonna fucking actually tell me to go fuck myself. Yeah sure Friends I want to Yeah, I love yeah, I love calling Quinn. I love the friends. I have Keith Robinson He said that's why I love and then he looked around the And then he just went to the roller dex in his head He went to the big table at the barbecue. Yeah.

Yeah, not that little kid's table. Then when we get a table, there's got chairs. Like, picture price, plastic, tiny chairs. We got bins turned over. Yeah. Oh, God. You know, I've been working on it for fucking three weeks now. Wow.

Now you're having a sweat of God. That's great. Three weeks solid, I go to gym, doing half hour cardio, crazy. What kind of cardio? The stairs. Ooh. Two minutes off, one minute as high as I can take it.

It's all downstairs though. And then, and then, wait, I did, you know, two muscle groups. And then, who's training you? Me. Why don't you, we should do way more cardio. Because I don't want to go to Harlem to work out. Not a dick trace. I'll come up to you. I don't want, more car because I don't want to go to Harlem to work out not our dick trace I'll come up to you I don't want no you'll be late every day I was the first person

here today 50 minutes early don't pat yourself on the back for doing something right the first time you've done it wrong 97 times Legion of Skanks Tuesday's the 10 o'clock McGurk? McGurk! This is new voice tonight. I just want Legion to scax to become like 90 million times more popular in the show, so he won't come on this show. That's what I want. That's why I want that to become very popular. You wouldn't have McGurk. I listen to it. You're right.

I would. I said as a question. McGurk. I can't. It. I said as a question, we're going. I can't, it's fucking killing me though. And then today I fucked up at lunch. Me and Lenny Marcus go to lunch. Every right after therapy.

It's a month and most of the half hour lunch. We go to lunch right after the Jewish deli across the street. And we fuck, it's kind of a traditional thing that's become. And I ordered the fucking meatloaf today. And I always forget that it's kind of a traditional thing that's become, and I ordered the fucking meal of today, and I always forget that it's mostly fucking. It's not mostly, it's mostly meat. It's a little bit of breadcrumbs, dude. And honestly, a lot of places use oatmeal right now.

So look, you're not fucking doing ketogenic dieting, okay? You're fucking cutting it. What does ketogenic lead? That means when your body starts burning fat as opposed to carbohydrates, okay? Like just naturally, like you're living, you're processing fat for energy as opposed to carbohydrates. You're not, you're not doing metabolic eating.

You're fucking cutting out carbs and sugars for the most part. You're not like, yes. You're not being afraid about it. So don't kill yourself over something like that. If you only carbohydrates you're getting or are a little bit of oatmeal or a little bit of bread crumbs in your fucking meatloaf, that's not your problem, dude. Don't worry about that. Put a little ketchup on your burger. Don't worry about it.

It's the worst day of my life. Why? Because I'm listening to you. It's the truth. I'm actually, he's getting on a ranch right now. Are you saying that? I'm just gonna show the fans. Listen, get it, show it.

That's a gun right there. Yeah, no, but you have fat six months ago. Yeah, I'm not fat now. But you will be fat again. No, I won't. I guarantee it. I'll bet you a hundred dollars. How much you a hundred bucks I won dollars. How many years do I have?

Two years. Give me three. Three. I say five. Three, five. How old are you? 33. 33.

Okay. When is, when is, be moving out? Two weeks ago. Give me three months. No, When things are going worse in my life and my love life, I get more into the juice. So when she fucks that first black guy, you're going to be huge, ripped. Maybe so happy of career shows up with that. Oh my goodness. We're the nicest guy in the world. I know, but he can fuck. And he'll make fun. He'll make underwater sounds while he fucks her.

She'll love it. Yeah. He'll hear a ping pong ball the next room. Yeah. Yeah. She's just cracking up to get plowed out. Just the best sex she's ever had. He's a martial arts guy as well.

Is he? Yeah. Yeah. He can fight. Yeah. All right, check it out. We're going to take a break real quick. I'm going to take a pee. I'm going to give him napkin. We're going to do some it out. We're going to take a break real quick. I'm going to take a pee.

I'm going to give them napkin. We're going to do some reads. We're going to pay the bills. We're going to take a quick break really quick. And we're going to go back for around a half. You guys in the chat room hang out. You guys listening on your fucking iPods and iPhones hanging there. You won't even remember.

It's going to be two seconds. So there we go. All right. We'll be back in very shortly. And we're back. Check it out. Baseball is here at last and the excitement continues. All season long at DraftKings.com.

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They you pick out your flavors, you tell them what you like and then they send you a box of five cigars and you don't know what you're getting to you get them It's a good way if you smoke the sticks or the bats as I like to call them Versus first you cause me to smoke some sticks not those sticks Harrison. I like I like bats I got a brand new human or 300 cigar human or it's beautiful. Oh, smoke cigars. Yeah, when I'm on like when I'm on the road or from a nice hotel, right? Oh, I love it. He doesn't actually. What? That means he never does. I do. No, he was me that you never like it. I get it. Scopal, you're off that one gig. We're done. So don't worry. I'll take you on the other gig. I'm doing thanks. Yeah, that's a huge jump

between that middle and that headliner. It's scop're going baby steps right now why no he's gonna scope was coming with me the boss in the sweeping and I'm bringing all my bringing stavros stavros it would have been you you would have been with me the whole way on my ony tour I did what happened the weekend with this weekend why's not me he's not fun to hang out with anymore you two get statistical who you got let me to go to the gym. Yeah, no, I try to be your fucking son. No, you do it in a mean way.

No, no, Bob, no, here's what you're gonna do. It's not a fucking, call me, fast, fuck, I'll try. There's a couple of people. You knock on my door, you leave cheesecake out inside of the door and you giggle, you go, link, link, link, link, I hear you. Eat it, pig, you eat it. You're not coming with me because you should be,

you're at what happened with you and it's happened with, I've gone through it a million times. You're going to headline now. You've come with me to the places that now you're gonna be headline. Not left Boston, could I really could use a good, yeah, well he, Scobo moved up, and where he's at that point where he can do the middle now.

Cause I told him a year ago, I go, you go and get funny, cause right now I can't use you. Wow. Because he was in his funny, and it's like you want it now. He did. He went and fucking buses asked it, fucking LOL, and now he's killing it.

Yeah. I'm bringing him in Stavros. Stavros is very funny to him. He's funny, yeah. Yeah, he's funny. Yeah, Stovros did a great job. We just did a gig a few weeks ago when he fucking murdered. Yeah.

Because I knew people wouldn't believe me. I took a video of it. I watched it and posted it. Because if I just wrote scope on murder, I mean, I would write that no matter what he was doing. Yeah. I took him out with me when he was on stage killing. And I literally, I came on. I thought something happened.

I thought somebody else went on. I felt like Louie came in to the set. Wow. Yeah, that moment, you know when a comic is doing better, you think they're going to do. And the crowd, like there's a huge pop and applause, and you run back to the set. Wow. Yeah, that moment, you know when like a comic is doing better, you think they're gonna do and the crowd like there's a huge pop in a plaza, you run back to the stage. Cause you think they're closing?

Yeah. No, he did great. So yeah, we're doing this week, laugh boss and Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Great club. Have you done it? Yeah. It's good.

So it's really big. You got to fill it, but it, probably you'll fill it. Don't worry. Yeah. It was a fat joke. Oh, sorry. It might have sounded like a compliment. It's really big you got to fill it, but it probably don't worry. Yeah Sorry, it might have sounded like a compliment. I really should made it more clear Filse the seats don't you worry I like

Guido Gugliotti. Yeah, hey, I'll fuck a bob What was that that was not a talent? You had a mouthful of Italian canoli. Got a go. You don't have to say Italian canoli. You just say canoli. Yeah, we fucking dumb dumb. Right, now we like saying Lewis is bad set. I was too smart for Lewis to get yet.

He literally had about that on the train. What does he mean? Oh, that motherfucker! Smart for Lewis to get yet. There's still a dialogue. There's a lot of the Avengers. They have to ask their mom how to spell go-mites. Mom, what? Go-mite, what? Go-mite, how do you spell go- I'll call the exterminated a month.

No! I'm a go-mite! To be fair though, at the start of every episode, there's always a bunch of go-mites going, go-mites you and I. Yeah. Yeah. They're there.

Yeah. I need a fun name with my name. You have one. Normators. Yeah. Normators? Normators. Normators.

Normators. Yeah. Sounds like we hate Jews. Yeah. I like that. The Normators. We're making the world normal, one Jew at a time. Let's go to the chat real quick.

Deepu chat first. Sure. Robert Anthony says Robin Williams has better improv skills now than Lewis does. Oh. I literally, I hope you get cancer. Can you move with Paganat? No, that guy.

I hope you get cancer and you fucking die. I really mean that. Why the fuck would you say that? Well, we started a podcast. He said you know what? One less fucking fucking Bob but whatever your guys are called the fucking Bobbidators the dudes one less dude in the world sorry dudes you're either you're a dude when you listen to the show what's up dudes sorry yeah did John Corey says I love these monologues where Bobby convinces himself that he's made

the right decisions in life. Oh, wow. I have to see what I saw break. I don't think I have. Ha, ha, ha, ha,writ at that segment of the show? No more landscaping talk. I just talked about it today. What are you gonna do? You really get into it. I've heard you about your fucking trees a lot. Really, am I talking the trees a lot?

You're talking about the trees a lot. It was a long tree talk. It's very weird that they, it just consumes your life. You'll see when you own a house. I know, but don't consider my words. Actually, you'll never see. But no, my neighbor says. You'll see.

Yeah. I'll have you over. That's what. All right, what else we got? Robert Olivia says, what does Lewis know about dad problems besides avoiding getting stabbed? Hmm, Puerto Rican stereotype. That was just a true statement. That wasn't even... That was here.

That was your usual standing fact. Yeah. Somebody from Time magazine. Well, he means stabbed by that gay Indian fella. What do you mean stab by that gay Indian fella? What else you got ominous storm fans says I saw a cute transgendered girl today See we're slowly converting people returning on to you know, I don't think we're gonna slowly doing it Very nice trying to fucking put people in a Japanese speed train to fucking I rock to wrap says I'm a real last dude, but I don't want to talk about dumb-bells. Huh.

But I was having my friend Robert live life, asshole, okay? I don't mean to say that you're realist dude, but my friend Robert is working out by himself, he's flying so he has no understanding how to set his own physical goals. So it's like running a race without a finish line and I don't want to watch him fucking kill himself. So if you want to enjoy the show for years to come, please let me help Bobby not die of heart disease. Dick.

Whoa. Well said. I don't know why that hurt. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That was the heart disease. Yeah, that was the garlic knots from earlier. I'm going to leave this tension as it was with a rock garden.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. River, Riverstone. Oh, fuck both of you. from earlier with a rock garden river rock river stone fuck both of you you young fucking assholes i would love a rock garden what she was what are you getting the regular chat the regular chat is literally a wall of go-mites unite wow The regular chat is literally a wall of go might to night. Wow

There you go. Is it the same one? Yes, two people That's okay. Yeah, now this way you do real quick block those two people you got I want them gone. I want them gone. I want to exterminate them like real mites The problem is they always come back in a new account yeah they're really a they don't have a multiply and that they don't they just like they don't that's two of them uh... what is the thing about rogan you read in the chat what was that uh... i deleted that comment but uh...

it was just on my q uh... someone said that joe rogan's probably better fighter than don't a uh... wow you're not the dot the dot day is older and injured you mean joe rogan the guy who fucking it like take down a grizzly bear with his hands. Yeah. Joe Rogan, but that was a, that you should have snipsed that one. That wasn't true. He didn't actually like that mountain lion.

That was a fake story. Dude, I don't even, I was joking. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, Well, no, that was a story that came out that he like wrestled the mountain lion down and choked it out. I wasn't even, yeah. I wasn't even going, that wasn't even what I was talking about. That wasn't even well, you named it a story that came out as a fucking rumor a couple months ago No, it's not it's a totally different one was a grizzly bear one was a mountain lion. Okay, you that's not true

Like I just made a true statement. I thought you were referencing I think the point is don't fucking throw my joke out of the table. You're stupid fact story You don't throw it under the table. You're stupid fact story. You don't throw it under the table You throw under the bus. Go ahead What's the point I don't remember under the tables that gay and Joe Rogan is like a legitimate Fucking dude who's in shape who is like is like he's he looks like an athlete. He has muscles

He's the fucking Dante's at this point. Fucking injured. He has a cane. I guess I'll walk around and limp. There's no, even if if Dante and Joe were completely the same age and in the same type of shape, I still think Joe Rogan would annihilate Dante. Joe Rogan was a former like a Taikwondo national champion. He's really just who black belt. My God. Joe Rogan would annihilate almost anybody right any comic easily any non-professional fighter dude again that knows

how to fight that he's made martial arts his life there he is it's an instinctive is if you want to attack him he can have you unconscious within seconds right he could I was saying this yesterday but John Jones if you got locked in a room with Joe Rogan he could literally take your body apart and put it in separate corners of the fucking room. That's the truth Oh, wow, he could do that. He could do that with his fucking body. So are you a fan? No, I hate him. I'm gonna fight him Rogan, oh, there'll be nothing better than you just piss Joe off by accident Yeah, I want to be a fucking he hates He hates compenal. I'd leave Bobby. I'd leave Big J, Death Squad, Louis J Gomez, all day.

Oh, you fucking leave us. You'd leave everything. I'll give you the opportunity. If Rogan said, look, just, hey, come here, move out of here. I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna put you on Death Squad. I talked to Red Man. We're gonna put you, we're gonna give you your own show. MMA, real ass dude.

It's gonna be both. You get the studio. And we want you out here right now to be part of desk what if I want you on my show I want you on my show as much as you can do it. Wow. What happens if I accidentally turn one of the dials to the wrong setting on the board when he's not there does he free down to me?

He takes your arm off. Okay. All right. So he does. He does the same way as you. Very physically threatening. Okay. Okay. I'll take your arm off. This might be a shot in the dark and kick me in the balls here But do you think maybe it's it's some psychological level you're looking for like a strong father

What maybe do you think okay, so I'm not crazy no, okay, of course he is interesting I've had it at least as he gets when he rejects them Therapists kind of break that down. Uh-huh, because you like the strong male fucking figure. Yes, of course. Yeah, and that's the most top of them, too. Well, I've also, I love grappling so much. Ah.

No, I've come in and I've- He likes to hug fuck. But no, I've let fucking dudes like mentor me in senses guys like Bobby and Big J It's like I don't think everybody does that and I think it might come from the fact that I didn't have a father growing up And I allow Big J teacher to wear black Um, I got it. Okay, you got it. Yeah, that's okay Wow, did he teach you you said it with the confidence like you fucking thought of the best joke? Yeah, I said it. No, I said it. No, I said it was a great racist joke

fucking thought of the best joke. I said it. No, I said it. The comments like it was a great racist joke. Ha ha ha ha. Well, I said black like Anthony would. Ha ha ha ha ha. Before he or um, yeah, but I think that's a thing in life. I think you know, me and Dave Smith have talked about it a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We can just talk about it now. You know, there's references. God, me and Dave talked about this. Just talk about it now, dummy. We don to use references. God, me and Dave talked about this. Just talk about it now, dummy. We don't know the origin story of your fucking thoughts. I'm saying he's a similar type of person. He didn't have a father figure in his life.

If he's around, who the fuck did? I did. I did. I did. You did. Are you had a dad? You had a dad? Well, up until six years ago when he just owned him. You shouldn't have two moms. When his voice never changed, he was like, I'm out. This kid's balls and never gonna drop.

Someone's dropped in his mouth. I can't bring him to the fucking ball game anymore. We can't come to the elks. Every time he's the one, he starts humming. You can sacrifice your sacrosit. When you're a jet, you're a jet all the way from your. I shot up God damn it. I did. I we did have a backwards. My sister was the athlete and I was a musical. She was the goalie the old dyke and fag club oh god Jesus Christ Mark. I got real Mark Norman. I was doing his dad Mark Norman at 12 27 13 of the podcast held it

That wasn't easy. That's Mark's impressions. I was also going to farted It really wasn't it started over there. Yeah, it started there came here houses I don't know what to maybe leak down. I don't know. That was definitely a guy's ass who's never had anything in All right, I'll take the What's that? What's that? You know shot not everybody shot not I don't know what person is is it is it the last person? Has had a dick in their ass get it oh so it's no would be like no I did it way before you took it off that's on the nose when you found

it was a dick in the ass you went home no no I know right all right well I think I mean I know I this is the greatest thing one of my my therapist said to me was that you stop looking for a father figure you're, you're the father now. Right. Because you're done. He goes, you're never going to have a father. You're not going to have anybody to help you. Nobody's going to fuck you.

You're the guy now. But he is a father. Go make the decisions. I see. He is now. But I think there is something true to that. I never even thought about that. Yeah.

But I do have a weird thing in me. And maybe it might even be a chip on my shoulder where I go Like no, I don't want to be looked at as a what at the dick of my shoulder chip on my shoulder So doesn't also feel like you're overproving your masculinity like you go out of your way to I'm a real dude Yeah, I feel like real dudes don't have to say that right? Oh, it's a good point. Yeah, he's saying you're fake Yeah, you have to overcome this dude because you're not a real ask. Yeah, but I mean that you're fake as dude. Yeah, you have to have a close. You have to have a close as dude because you're not a real ass dude. Yeah, but I mean that comes from like look you're right, but it comes from I mean,

so real ass dudes and go my it's aren't really real. I mean, no, no look, here's the thing. They're all about to get you. You're the tongue and cheek. They're faking it. All of us want to just be fucking held by our mommies. Let's get real, okay? That's what we are as fucking human beings, okay?

So yeah, I didn't have a whole lot of time out. I never mind. All right, listen, Doug stand up. You're not okay Stop telling us the way it is. It is that it isn't we are we don't want to get hug by our mom We do every one of us every one of us not by our mom. He's we want to get hug by our dads No, our moms gave us the love our moms loved us. We want our dad to go. You did a good job. I'm proud of you That's what we're searching for missing the point of what I'm saying Then what's the point? We want we want to that is like we want a parent to fucking embrace us and all of that All of that all of a parent any little thing your fagginess his fucking meatheadedness my brood

It's not your whole heart. Let me finish. Let me finish I said I'm more of a real dude because I'm willing to just be who I am I said I'm more of a real dude because I'm willing to just be who I am Oh Oh I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say

I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say

I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say

I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say I'm gonna say Everybody everybody has their own insecurities and they act the way we act because of whatever bullshit in our life So yeah, when I'm doing the fucking real ass dude thing and I'm a guy who's in the gym boxing and lifting weights Yeah, there's a reason dude you're right about that But it doesn't mean that you're anymore real than I am because you're a little bit more comfortable in that area of life No, there's I'm sure there's areas in life where you're way less comfortable than me. Oh, absolutely You know, so it's not where I'm way less comfortable than me. Oh, absolutely. So it's not, where I'm way less comfortable? The round vagina.

They're up there, so it's gonna turn out. Yeah, I mean, like, to give, sit there and go like, oh, you act that way because you're insecure of who you are. We all act this way because we're insecure of who we are. Whatever, whatever thing about you, I can literally go,

oh, that's because you're insecure. The open room here is a jack like your, yeah, I just gotta dude has to be like, you're working out like, I feel like I'm impressed that. Well, he doesn't act like he's gay. He acts a feminine Right, yeah, it was a big difference I mean we assume we associate that with guys who are gay

There's a conflation of a feminine. He's not a big act gay I know guys who act like gay guys that are like you Right, okay guys that are like dude. I'll fucking suck you dig right now We'll ask to the whole idea of doing comedy that comes from a place of insecurity and to eat like you. And the guy guys that are like, dude, I'll fucking suck you dig right now. Real ass dude. So the whole idea of doing comedy that comes from a place of insecurity and I'm trying to fucking, it's just a personality being funny. So just like, I don't really understand how you would

point your finger at me and go like, oh dude, you're not very real because you gotta always come to say, I'll tell you though, can I tell you why? Because we're kidding. Right, we're trying to be funny. You really made it real. We're making it very, we're really all real. We're trying to be funny. You really made it real. We made it very funny. We really are real, Astud.

You make everything real. Fucking idiot. We're gonna fucking. It didn't seem like a joke. Well, what are we gonna do? We're gonna fucking write ha ha on a chest after we're done. I'm sorry that you didn't get it. Maybe because you're sensitive on the subject.

Right? We fucking nerve. We fucking nerve. Well, no, I'm talking about some real shit. I'm talking about. Well, this isn't a real Astud podcast. This is you know what do so lighten it up you fucking hippie Oh, sorry anyway about the rock garden Godness damn all right, I'll take the pounding for it

But you come over you love the rock guy. You fucking you can't sit at the right now. You can't sit at the rock garden No fire pick rock. I sit at the little kid rock garden for all the other younger comics I really bugs me that you guys you guys did that what that the party you guys sat by yourselves that's what Bobby also does he likes to turn it on us Ah, I like Bobby else to get really talking at the party like dude it fucking bugs me that you fucking sat at a different table Yeah, let me ignore you the big tape let me ignore you let me ignore you dude I don gonna ignore you. The big table. Let me ignore you. Why? I didn't ignore you. I was, I had, the host of the party does not fucking talk to everybody.

You talked to everybody but the smaller comic table. No, it's not, it was really you. If you left that table, I would have talked to everybody. Yeah. It is scary going over that table though. I'll be honest. I know what that's about. Yeah. It's, it's scary. It's like the four is going up. You can't see it here. I'll be honest. I know what that's about. Yeah, it's it's like the forest gun

You can't see it here. I just picked your key saying that hang on one second. Oh I almost got through the whole thing What high-school element the last table absolutely a lunch table standard But I mean to hold on to a resentment for a year and then bring it It's pretty foes a year ago. Yeah, you're Last year I didn't hold on to a resentment dude it came out like it happened yesterday Yeah, you invited me to your child's second birthday party yesterday So it reminded me of the time you ignored me at your party. I didn't ignore you at my party

Just you're not that compelling. You keep on saying things like I didn't ignore you. I just don't like you so I didn't look at you. That's the same thing. He's a deflecting buddy. That's honestly I think he's rocks more interesting. Yeah anyways. It's got to be a great party. You of you gonna be missed. Do you want to come work? I would love to come All right, well you can't this year, but next year Doing as good as you are now All right, I don't have I have a like a little guy table and a big guy. I don't have a middle. Yeah I don't have what you're at in the business table damn it's cool. You can come Only if there's dudes there

Yeah, I give that to really You know why that was pretty pretty good dude. No it the silence after it was epic of course There's a dude there people listen to actually got equipment failed Well, that sucks you know I can't come dude. Yeah, really I wanted to I really wanted to wait What time are you gonna be are you she gonna be out there? Why don't you come for the day and then go back up? I'm middleing a show at the end of it last night for an hour, but it's weird Who's headlining the other nights big J. Oh, okay, I got you so you're okay. That's good Which we know there from Wednesday to Monday Wednesday to Sun. Well, yeah, come back Monday Fuck that's a lot of Connecticut. It is

But I'll tell you it's not one place I'll tell you which changed the whole layout because really? Really? The layout's great, but here's which changed the game for the whole fucking thing. They put a Starbucks thing. They put a Starbucks in Foxwoods. Now they didn't have a Starbucks before. There was no good coffee.

That's what I'm talking about. At a Starbucks last time. No, I know. They just did it recently. How does it help the show? No, the show's terrible. No, I know it. But, hey, let's care about the show. He cares about his, he cares about the,

at the end of his set, he gets a crap cheat. Yeah, go to the gym, getting a Starbucks. They have a great gym, they go sauna, they go sauna too. Yeah, they go sauna. A what? A what? A sauna. A sauna?

A sauna. What the fuck is a sauna? It's going to audience in the sauna. Can you fucking Google sauna? I don't know what a sauna is. S-A-U-N-A. How do you say it? It's sauna. I really, I want to. And what? I wish you know what a Suna is. S-A-U-N-A. How do you say it? Suna.

I really, I want to- It's a Suna. I wish you had the dumbbell that you had that hit you in your face. I'd throw it right in this fucking dummy. Suna, Suna. S-Suna. S-Suna.

S-Sura. I don't know how we got to the fucking Fox Woods from the jarogon thing. Oh, yeah. To you, I don't know what the fuck happened. No, because we're talking about the weekend. It's a security father, yeah. Yeah, father.

I do think that you're more of a man than Lewis. Wow. I mean, not do, not for nothing. Yeah, maybe, I don't know, it depends on what you, what do you mean by, how do you define what is more of a man, you know? That's a Bob Dylan lyric. That was pretty fucking good tense.

And when I had a violent, I could do a Bob Dylan impression either apparently. We got it. And when I was butt doing a person either apparently we can't wait tomorrow man I was dead miss here but girl he's not probably doing another show succeeding succeeding somewhere him and Joe list Joe list is doing great what a year what a year god yeah I don't know we can talk about it really He was upset. He wanted to come today. He's got his own half hour. Yeah, we can't we can't talk about the other thing We can't talk about No, where's he's doing very well doing great and I'm very happy that makes me so happy when you fucking turds do well

Really as long as I'm doing well too. Or better. Well, I don't have to be bad, just as well as. I don't, I don't know if you guys pass kind of like week together. It really, it's so funny because I think until you have a little bit of success, you're just praying for your friends to fail around you. Really, why? Because it's so hard to watch your friends pass you in this business.

I think- And then when you get a little bit, then it starts to ease up. They start rooting for your buddies. I don't think so. I always, when my friends succeeded, I always had some, I looked at it as something to look forward to or to aspire to. When I saw, it was one of the things, like when I remember trees, when he started doing good,

I was like, oh shit, I, one of the reasons I moved back to New York because I realized that Patrice and Norton and them were becoming better comics. I was like, oh my god, I'm fucking like two years behind these fox. Wow. How did you feel six years behind them? Well, just my comedy in general.

I started it like four and then I had the actual two years. But you definitely, I mean, I will definitely f that when you see on Facebook, all your friends doing well and you think you're at their level and you, there's definitely jealousy and anger that you can't not help feeling really. And there's other, I mean, I try to not let that you pass that threshold a long time ago. I do not get mad.

I really, when my friends get something, I feel man I really when my friends get something I feel I feel that it's non-related I feel I really I really have a motivation god damn that's great and it is motivation because now I know somebody who unlocked a room that I can kind of oh how did you do that oh cool yeah but you're doing well yeah I think that's the kid I'm 20 years in the fucking business. Over 20 years of 25 years in the business. Yeah, we know a year old. Okay, but the, um, that was the band dinner.

I was waiting for it. I don't get the bitterness when a friend, I get a bitterness when I'm looking on Facebook. I'm like, that guy got it. That's what I'm talking about. I'm like, bitterness the wrong word. I'm talking about like just, just in the first four. That's the bitterness, that's just what I'm talking about. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

I don't get jealous. I don't get jealous. Why do you get jealous? I don't know. I'm not talking about any now. I'm not talking about it. I'm talking about it. It's not for a stretch where you, how did that guy get that?

Let's be honest. I don't want that feeling. Hang on, let's be honest. What, tell me jealousy, who you got jealous of? I'll tell you an exact example. I mean, Dave Smith both went out for from Montreal the year that he got it and fucking nearly killed me Really because it's like dude we started together and you go you like you were just kind of neck and neck We're doing our things and then he gets this fucking thing. No, I passed Dave three times by now, but at the time

You think you've passed, but why can you, can I say something really on the, when you think in these terms, I'm kidding about that. I know, but I know, but when you, just let me say this, when you think in passing and being beneath or above, it's a very sick way and it's an unhealthy way to have, to think about this whole process

that we're in, which is stand-up comedy. Okay, when you think of yourself as better or worse than, that means you're treating people better or worse than. And you can't get into that mode. Like a big table or a barbeque. Here's a thing. I didn't pick the table. They're all just tables.

I didn't have fucking, I didn't have name tags. Lewis over here. Just it presents. We knew. What if it's, it's, when you think like that, you're kind of fucked. Look, people always give me, why don't you have your friend, like, you're calling or Keith or Norton and stuff like that. I could, I, especially back in the day when I started this, they wanted me to have more

of my friends on, but I really like meeting new comics and younger guys that were fucking not my friends. And it was almost like I, I learned more from you guys, like the hustle, having young comics on kept me in the game for the last couple of years because I was like, these motherfuckers are going to five shows a night. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So I can't fucking just take all week off. I got it. Well, I can't take Fridays and Saturday night.

If I can work in the city, it's like I saw what you guys hustle that and it kind of motivated me. And just like a Norton or a Colin Quinn to motivate me. To call it a gomovation. You know what I mean? He's trying to get a fucking Sufi going that's what he's trying to do he wants a He wants a fucking Sufi he thinks because his talent isn't good enough

He thinks if he gets a Sufi he'll go college to her turtable Bob. Yeah, it was meant to be a little hurtful But funny do but just it was more her focus I forgot what I was funny is it's reverse yeah but you got begawk begawk hold on the book I think you got to just use that as motivated you got to turn on the motivation because like the guys I know you get a half hour you try to do it that way I think it's like I fuck then you like all right yeah now I gotta do it also get mad at the industry get mad don't get mad at the comics oh I absolutely but it's like, oh fuck, then you're like, all right, yeah, now I gotta do this. You can add at the industry. Don't get mad at the comics. Take the industry, that's my rule.

Absolutely. But here's the only field you can't be denied in. Cornfields is comedy. Do you understand? Wait, no, you can be denied all the time. You cannot, you cannot. They can't take it away from you. Well, he's not just being undeniable.

They can't take away, you're funny, but they can't deny you the things that you're trying to get. But you don't need fucking a half hour. You don't need Montreal. You don't need any festivals. Nope. You don't need,

you don't need, that's why I haven't done them. It does help, but you don't need them. If your comedy, if your comedy will prevail, if you're that funny, it may take longer,

it may, you never know, you might not do all the bullshit, you may never do tonight's show or a letter. You, you don't need any of that shit, you don't. You can still make a fucking living, pay your bills, and be noted as a funny motherfucker in this business if you are funny. And nobody can take that away from you.

That's it, because if you're funny, the club's gonna wanna book you. But can I ask you a question? Hang on, let me answer. And you're, hang on, wait. Yes, you can't go. You're definitely right about that. Wait a minute, I changed it.

And maybe, no, my mind, you go. Maybe it's even proof to what you're saying, because there is nobody, I don't know anybody who's really fucking funny, like really funny, who's been in the business for a really long time that hasn't gotten any success. I don't know anybody, I don't know, I can never really, oh, I name the 20 year vet

that's really fucking funny. No, I can't name some vets. I never did anything and it's never gotten anything. It usually, it kind of fears itself out, the guys that are funny will eventually, even if they have a shitty career, they have a career. Right, but I can name some vets who are really funny who should have more than they have. What, what, what, what, but why should they have more if they have a shitty career they have a career right but I can name some vets who are really funny who should have more than they have what what what why should

they have more than they have what what what don't they have can they work do they make a living doing comedy yeah of course what the fuck do you want but what do you want to be so you're talking about where is the end is it Jerry Seinfeld is it is it little kev is it dang good just because we decided to jokes, I think there's this romanticism that people associate with comedy where we go like, well, no, you're telling jokes, it's the most pure thing on earth. We don't all deserve to be billionaires,

not everybody's that fucking good. Yeah, that is the luck of the fucking draw. That is when this meets that and fucking, this happens, and if you're trying to be famous, if your goal is to be famous, you can add that to the mix, and I'm sure you could get further along. But if you're just trying to do stand up,

you will, if you're trying to be as funny and honest as you can and work as hard as you can, the over 10, 20 years that's gonna prevail and you'll have a job. You will work. And it will happen. And they can't take it away. Oh no, I'm working.

I'm working, I need that from you. That's, yeah. No, you're different, you will fail. You will work and it will have and they can't take it away. Oh, no, I'm working taking away from you. That's yeah, no you're different. You will fail If you don't go full gay, you're done on this but there is I feel like there is topic that you never go full gay There's too low of a barrier of never go full gay I feel like there's too low of a barrier of entry and comedy I feel like there should be a thing where somebody you have to cut open in an office and they go, all right, you're at least funny. You're at least a funny person. Right. And you can start doing this.

If you, if you, if you, if you, I have no rhythm, I couldn't just say, hey, I'm gonna be a professional dancer now. I couldn't walk in and be like, hey, you, can I start auditioning to fucking be a dancer? It's, it's ridiculous. There's no, like literally people just go like, okay, well, I'll just go be a comedian now.

Yeah. See, the only job of the first day in that thing Yeah, they like it, but even more like they call themselves a comedian like if you are just starting a comedy Yeah, anybody should be able to just start comedy, but like you're not a I did a I did it hosting a new talent show at comics Five years ago and somebody handed me a business card. It's a professional comedian said how many shows have you done? He's like, this is my first show. Yeah, that's not a key. The card, no card. No comic has a fucking card. No, no, no, no, they're funny. I love a bugo, do you have a card?

No, because I'm a stand up, right? Right, right. Here's a sticker for my podcast. Yeah, that's fine. By the way, I literally took that from you. I was like, that's brilliant. Bobby doesn't hand out cards like a fucking idiot shit comic. He goes, I have this thing, this piece of content.

Here, go listen to this podcast, take a flyer, or a sticker, or whatever. Very smart. But what you do with Scopus, the right thing to thing to do you said come back in a year go get funny I would more people should do that in hearts, but it's a thing is that I was taking I would take Lewis and Joe and whatever Dan even too Earlier and that was great, but they were there, but he I would take him and he wasn't he wouldn't you wouldn't do that Well, and it was like dude if, because these guys are moving on.

You know the next, I was seeing that. I was like, I wanna be where they are. Yeah. That's what motivated me. I wanna just get to which they're where they are and be funnier. Yeah, so he went on the eBay and bought a bunch of jokes. And now, I put the comedy,

a thousand and one, one, nine, or something, put down. No, but he went out and got funnier. And he's gonna move on someday too. Sure. sure fucking depot that's the name of the fucking game is that these guys get funnier and then don't have time to be on the show you know who was the crime like can I say something though and I really I mean this is that and I know guys above you above me that have the same complex that you're either beneath me above me. It's a shitty way to be.

It really is because you'll be miserable most of the time because someone's always gonna be above you. You understand, someone's always gonna be doing better than you, no matter who the fuck you are. Right. And you're always gonna come down. And that coming down is gonna be a motherfucker. It's hard, it's just a hard, so when you're looking at

where you, who's above them, you gotta look at this, this is a job where all comedians and you have no control over any, what you do, what you do, what you do has no consequence in my fucking career. How good you do, how awesome it has no bearing on it. I have the full responsibility of my career. That's it. Okay. I can fucking either You can get opportunities, but if I can't act I'm done. I'm on TV. Bob stinks as an actor

That's it. It's done or Bob's really good. We should use them in something else That's my I got that opportunity. I showed up here, I met him, can you do this? I did it, and then it went into something else. And it kind of, but that's all me. You know, whether you get help from your friends is great too, but you can't, I can't look at these guys that are above me and be fucking bummed out. I think it's, I gotta look at them and be inspired.

I think it's nearly impossible. And I gotta look beneath me and be inspired too. Sure. I think it's nearly impossible if you have no success. this what the point I was making was before I had any success at all before I had any fans for any any credits or anything or was in any clubs It was very difficult to watch the guys that you were with I remember when Justin Silver got in the seller We were just all just fucking young comics that weren't doing shit nobody had anything Then Justin fucking started flirting with the wait staff here. They got, they all loved him.

He would come and just be around and then he got an audition one day did well and he got in before anybody did. He wasn't on TV. He had never done anything in comedy. And I remember where he's he now though. Picking up dog. No, he quit. He quit?

Yeah, he quit comedy. He quit comedy. He's fucking living in Venice Beach. Just fucking. Did he really quit comedy? Doing gay chicken? I was doing the dog stuff. Yeah, um, so but I remember the feeling is a young comical without anything like all I had was Fuck dude. I need to get an a club and just the feeling of being like fuck what's going on?

And I think it's impossible for young comics to take kind of a step you fucking you're going on and on Well, I'm really I got the point my body being when I'm saying to you is he to kind of escape that. You're fucking, you're going on and on. Really? I got the point. What I'm saying to you is, whatever way he got in the cellar has no bearing on the way you're going to get in the cellar. Right, I understand that. And it does. So you can fucking sit there and pine over

and bitch about it and moan. And then all of a sudden you have this fucking horseshit with you everywhere you fucking go. Believe me, the most important thing in this business is to be a good person. Because if you can fucking go, I like working with that guy, he's cool. Yeah, that helps.

They're gonna bring you back. Or they're gonna tell the next guy, oh, he's great to work with. That's important. That's the most important thing. If you're a fucking asshole or an ego, or you don't know you're fucking worth, and you're on the thing and you're talking and yapping and the fuck, oh, the guy's just annoying, you're a fucking asshole or an ego or you don't know you're fucking worth and you're on the thing and you're talking and yapping a

Fuck in the people guys just annoying you done. Yeah, that table done table talk I think it's also like if you were going to high school everything separated in grades But if you went to school and there were no grades and everybody was competing for the same grades You would be resentful of the senior but like of course the seniors doing better He's been in the school for longer. Yeah, so no great, the problem, there's no divisions in comedy. You're interacting with everybody. If you have 20, if you have 20, if you have 20 something years in the business

and you are not working and making pain, you're rent, you might not be a comic. Quit. You might not be a comic. You might, this might, you might be look for something else. Yeah. But if you, I want to do a show called Stop it, where we go to a comics and other

artists and what is it? Stop it. It's going to be called Stop it. We go to failed artists to stop it. And we give them one more chance to do a show. What? Are you sure? Your dream is to have a show called Stop it.

Stop it. Get out. His other dream show is don't threaten me with a good time. Followed up by, just as you post the up on a Don threaten me with a good time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We all keep saying you don't need to present. You don't need to have that. You don't need this. And then we went, Joe, this is doing great. But he's doing great because he got those things. Yeah, but here's the thing. Feeling great too. But can I say something, stop.

What he did was, he just went and worked on his act. Yes, did it. This is all he did. I just, he just went and became funnier. Yeah. And when the opportunity, the other stuff just happens, he went, I would say this, the reason why I went back to the gym, I can control, I have to go back

to what I control. I can wake up and go to the gym. I cannot eat fucking shitty food. I can try to be positive, okay? And I can try to be creative. That's all I can control, okay? Look, I have a show and I still panic, okay? I still panic about gigs and places I've played

that I haven't been back to. People, when you coming back here, and I don't know, I don't know, if the show goes and it's hit, great, what if it doesn't, what if I'm not a hit, what a, who the fuck knows? I have no idea, I still have these fears, you know what I mean? But the only thing I can do is be try to fucking be funnier. Try to be great.

You know what guys, now watch, I've seen so many of you fucking guys come up and soar past me. What? You know seriously things as far as in my head where I could go, oh this guy just got this show, this MTV or he's got this many followers or this none of it matters. And none of it it matters it's like fuck put the blinders on just right put

the fucking blinders on you can be creative spiritual whatever the fuck the things that you can physical spiritual creative that's all you can control you can't fucking sit there and because you'll go out of your mind if you have people beneath your above you it's a shit way to big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris Rodman had that great quote. He's like, the jokes will take you as far as they can. Yeah, I couldn't have, if you're not where you want to be,

do jokes. I would be able to be friends with Colin if it was above and beneath him. Right, right. I have, you know, let's just be friends and treat each other as equals. You know what I mean? I mean, there's certain things that, you know, you have to, you're on the road with me,

don't be a fucking dickhead. You know the opening guy, don't go out and go, hey, I fucking queer is doing. You have certain job things that you have to keep in respect to where you're at. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. When I used to middle, especially when I used to,

I dude, fucking that shit with Daniel all the time, I didn't go out and do what I do. I went out and fucking did my job, I did my time and got the fuck off stage, and it was hard. It was fucking hard. You want a crowd work, you want to get in there? I know what I could do. I know what I was capable of doing,

but I was like, oh my God, okay, but I know that this somehow is gonna help me become better. Because if I can turn it on and turn it on, if I can do this in any parameters and still, and then my shit's still got in that little box I was in, I got as funny as I was. Well, I think that's actually the definition of being a comic where you can fuck with the variables

and the parameters and still be as funny as you can be. So whether you're on a podcast, you go and do a TV set where you gotta be clean, they make you change a joke the day before you, whatever it is, they take the parameters and they keep on fucking with it. And you still go, oh, I can just fucking do it. And there's certain guys, this is why I talk about

like some of them like Pete Davidson, who's a young kid, who's 21 years old, and to be able to handle all of that shit as a young kid with very little experience, that's kind of why I think he's a special talent because I don't think any young dude who's doing comedy for four or five years can still be that ready. We talked about that before, it's like, okay, yeah, you can be jealous of Pete Davidson,

you can be jealous of Michael Che. You can't think they do. Here's what happens though. Okay, they got the job, jealous, they had to do the work. So it's not like they got the job and didn't fucking have to do all that work. You can get the job, but you can fail at that fucking job. I want to. So these guys are fucking not failing at the job. They're doing the fucking job. They're working their asses off, but they got the opportunity, yes, and they fucking, they're killing it with the

opportunity they got and doing comedy. And so they're throwing with the, the, the, the things they got things they got so how can you it's also really hard to be mad at somebody like Jay because he's super nice he's super funny you can't know why would you be mad at them in the first place it has nothing wrong to work and there's nothing I think we all have it has no it has nothing to do with you people have since success has nothing to do with you of course I mean you can get you can fucking joke around about it. Yeah, but in reality One of us made it yeah, he's a he one of us did it right I'm 21 years old. We have to overcome that's our interior sense of justice though

And somebody who's like an asshole or not funny gets something just this in this business You're the fastest or it's right to feel the way I try not to doesn't win the race of course Look at every thing no, but I know the thing with comedy that actors don't have musicians don't have we get to work You cannot take our shit away We can go and work we can go and find a stage somewhere You know you get to work every night actors don't get to do that. With a fucking band, you need a fucking bandwidth. Yeah, you know what I mean? You need everybody. No, it's hashtag blessed.

There you go. But it's true what you say. I'm sorry. You need to stop. Can you just give him the bandana in his asshole? Not it, baby. But I watched Pete at the seller downstairs with David Tell writing his roast jokes.

And I remember thinking I was like, I didn't do it. If I had to like, present my jokes to David Tell, like just ideas that I had, I would be so self conscious and so of course. And like literally he was back there working with him. And Pete, and Pete Davidson, and I, Towers writing the jokes with, he was helping him write the roast jokes.

So just watching him at a table, that type of pressure at such a young age, it's kind of, that was the one moment where I went oh shit Yeah, there's something about that But that's the thing that we don't do a lot of comics don't do them as you know you sit like me and Lenny do that a lot on the weekends When we work to sell it I'll come up and I do what about this and then we'll go that and he'll sit down and watch my side and he'll come off You do this try I have a Thursday writing group. We got a group of us and we got every third that silly

That's a euphemism No, but I'm saying while we're at the party take out your pants a lot of guys a lot of guys We'll just fucking worry about how they did and how the guy after them do oh Yeah, I get that when I was young the comic you wanted to fucking be the guy But then I get that when I was younger, comic, you wanted to fucking be the guy, but then I realized that killing, killing all the time wasn't what it was all about. All of a sudden I started seeing guys raping, taking left, taking left some rights and talking about different shit.

And it was like, wow, that's fucking crazy. He's actually, he's actually given his opinion right now in conversation form and it's annihilating how great is that. And then you know there's these levels that we learn like school. But you know I think that we don't we don't do that enough. We don't help each other with jokes enough. And I moved to New York. That was I was a Boston comment for four years. And it was a community and we all helped each other. You get it was not uncommon to like somebody walk up stage and hand you a tag. So I moved to New York, people were freaked out. They thought, and I understand now why people thought

it was disrespectful and hand them a tag because they thought, it was me saying I was better than that. It's because you made it with crafts. I glitter on it so much. I glitter in a ribbon. But I do think that's what makes me feel so good. The animal you thought they represented. I love when I get off stage.

Trevor Noah, I got off stage and he had a tag. I was like that's fucking awesome I told you a bag it You miss you That was really sweet like that's that's exactly you fucking tag fucking fire What's up, but I hear why I don't like when people give me a tag it is strangers friends funnier than your real jokes Friends I don't mind. We're all boys. We watch each other's acts.

We know what we do. When some fucking random dude will give you a tag, you go like, oh, fuck, I might have come to that on my own. Oh, and now this fucking asshole is going to just every time he's on my buddy, he's going to go, oh, I wrote that fuck. I agree with that. I agree with that.

You don't know the guy. I mean, but look at here, I gave a jet app a towel, a couple of tags. I didn't really know him. He came off and I was like, oh, that's really funny. What about this? It was like, oh, okay, cool. One he did like, one he didn't like,

but he might have never used them. But there's a polite way to go out there. Yeah, yeah. And you know what? Oh, you can go, oh, you know, if it's something you had in your brain, I was thinking about that too. And it kind of nullifies that horseship. But I think, you know know dude I I absolutely think we need to help each other more and not it's

it's a creative process between us and and tell you the great ones do have people helping them right Joe oh yeah it's fucking hidden it's fucking hidden we don't hear about it but it's it's there it's like it's for some I feel like they think they're ashamed about it but We don't hear about it, but it's there. It's like a it's for some I feel like they think they're ashamed about it. They don't want to but I don't think that the image of the lone artist doing it I don't feel it. It's just a loan. You create your you create your jokes, okay? But if somebody helps you with a tag, you can get a bottom. It's I don't think it's I also think you know the highest level like I almost look at like Trent Resner from 90 snails like he's a musician Dude if you were to bring in other producers to collaborate to create this fucking crazy shit I don't think it's that. I also think you know the highest level, like I almost look at like Trent Resner from Ninety Snails, like he's a musician,

dude, if he were to bring in other producers to collaborate to create this fucking crazy shit, which he does all the time, I'm not gonna like, oh dude, he's not talented. He's made it to a level where he can get other, early in people to come in and collaborate and create this piece of art that we might not have. I've already, do a lot of artists do that there.

They do dual albums together. Yeah, I just said that. I'm just saying, I think you wanted to say dual albums. Yeah. All these try. But it's true about being nice and everything, because I'll sit at the cellar and I'll watch a guy who's being a dick to the new guy,

and then I'll watch a guy who's being nice to the new guy, and you kind of look and you go, the nice guy is pretty famous, and the dick is not going anywhere. Look, I've had famous people be dicks to me. Oh, really? Yeah, there's famous guys that are fucking dick. I think that's too thin. But I think the people who are nicer tend to move further

in the industry because who wants to hire a dick? Who wants a dick on set? You're the... I'm talking about fame wise, I'm talking personally, what I've learned over the years is that you should eliminate that hierarchy that you have because it will affect your funniness,

it will affect your business, and it will affect you knowing where you really stand, who you really are in the business. I know where I am, and that honesty has kept me striving to become better. When you think you're better than you are or further than you are, you'll find yourself

a lot further behind some day. Because nobody's gonna wanna be around you. But come on. You know what I mean? It's nice to say that, but I'm saying nobody likes you more. It's like trying an intervention here. It's like a subconscious thing. We all know who's what and what's who and the stages and levels and all that.

I mean, you can say that. It sounds very nice, but I've talked to comics with it like, you know what you're talking to? You're talking to me. You stay down there, motherfucker. And you're like, all right, all right. Look, I've had that too, man. I've had that too, absolutely.

And I think that, but I think guys down in, I've done it too. I've stepped over the boundaries. I've had that too, man. I've had that too, absolutely. And I think that, but I think guys down in, I've done it too. I've stepped over the boundaries. I've done shit. Well, I've done it with Colin. I used to go with Colin. I did a couple of, not too many times, but a couple of times I stepped over the fucking boundaries.

And he was like, hey, don't fuck you, don't do that. Exactly. And he was like, oh, shit. Right. So yeah, I think that you're a man. It's human to make those mistakes, but if you don't acknowledge them and learn from them and understand them, I think it's, we're all fucking psychos. Let's just get that out there.

We're all fucking mental patients in our own way, but we're all in it together. That's what I'm saying. We're all in it together. If anything, New York, it's a community. Yeah. I don't care if you tell them, dick jokes, if you're writing great jokes, if you're fucking,

you know, loading shit in a musket and it takes 20 minutes to get to a punchline joke. What are the fuck comedy you have? We're all in this together. When it comes down to it. So it doesn't matter who goes above you and who goes you, you know, you've seen it a million times. The guy writing on the show is now selling out

Madison Square Garden. The whole like above and below thing, like yeah, look, I still haven't done Montreal, but like I have other things that other guys that have done Montreal would love to have. I have fucking go mites, or I have a podcast that I do every week that I have fans of it, that come back every week.

I'd rather have Montreal, but you're right. I think Montreal is better than the goldbots. No, I think having fans is probably the legitimately most important thing that you have in this business. As a comic, yeah. There's nothing is better than gold. No, I think having fans is probably the legitimately most important thing that you have in this. As a comic. Yeah. There's nothing better in the world as a comic than to sell out with fans.

Yeah. There's no freer. You're finally free. Yeah. When you can finally walk out to all fans. Is when you. Although I'm always afraid. I'm always afraid that fans are going to give me. They give you more of a laugh at a real audience No, no, no, they don't they listen. They're actually listening. They are what they're supposed to be They're doing what they're supposed to be doing in the first place their their phone

They didn't bring a fucking chick good as enough or a bachelor at party They're there to hear you like nobody nobody goes to see usher that doesn't know usher and like oh, they're there to hear you. You know, like nobody goes to see Usher that doesn't know Usher and like, ah, like they're there for that. And that's what I mean. But don't they get mad at Usher when Usher tries to do a new thing? Cause we're like, we came to see Usher not.

No, they don't. They never hear us. New thing, it wasn't the greatest, but it's okay. Right. Yeah, I completely agree with you. And I look, I've had a very, I make jokes, but I have very few fans that do come out, but every time I'm on the road now,

there's more and more fans that are fucking coming out and saying, good, I heard you on YKWD, Legion of Skanks, we're on a faz, whatever it is. Don't match me with that, okay? It's just YKWD. Go ahead. This fuck has made you. He's made? Legion of Skanks really is just like a fucking cancerous growth on the side of YKWD that

just bubbling over? Really, it's my fucking child that I You see the 300 the fucking one It's gonna fucking go and fucking cut my throat. Yeah. They're coming through the path behind you. The studio will be full of fucking mittens and fucking pussy. The little guy playing the piano and Dr. Moro. I will go to reference. We're gonna wrap this up.

You guys, we'll go around the room to do plugs Another great fucking show. Thank you so much for coming in guys. Let's go to the chat and real fast Go to the deepu chat and go to the regular chat to over here that oh yeah, sure fuck you TV shows Pretty sure all of us don't want to be held by our mommies Lewis Well fuck your TV. I want to be held by your mommy Real ass dude, he also says Lewis has some really awful tattoos That's not what your mother said and he figured that out just by your voice It's a video Yeah, and these the go mites talking

I want to do something from now on whoever has the bomb band in at the end We get to fucking throw water in the face That means more people would try like he'd be trying to get it off right now with a nice That's good point although just tell him a tot com James Pascuie asks have you ever bish that a club owner on stage like Dane Cook did calling the laugh factory owner a cunt? He called the laugh factory owner a cunt. Yeah, he's not bad. Stop it.

This is all hearsay. Yeah, that's not what happened. I'm not, listen man, I don't, we, yeah, they, she brought it up last week that he got banned from the laugh factory, but I, I, I, it's all hearsay. Who the fuck knows who we call the cunt. I'm not, I don't think that, I don't think that happened. So, but who in the fuck knows? If somebody does know, come on the show.

I don't know. What else? John Corey says, who's a better fighter, Mark or Shorad? Oh, I think we all know that one. Yeah, we already talked about that. Yeah, you try to be funny, and your country tone came off wrong. Yeah. And you both drunk a little.

That was pretty good. And then you go hand in, go hand in your face. There you go. And you were like, what the fuck? Hey. And he was like, I'll fuck yo motherfucker. And then he did this on the way out. Nothing.

Jokes only work if you missed. I was doing that work after. All right, well, I'm sure you guys are both square, right? Yeah, I think so. All right good good cuz he'd murder you We try to do this one here comes in a helicopter Yo, it's all look and look I'm gonna fuck higher higher. They can jump. I'm gonna throw you out this fucking helicopter motherfucker You're judging me money You're judging me money Which rock comes in though he is here's such a

A fucking ape no It's only racist because you guys associate black with it you call me an ape all the time I call him a fucking ape all the time. That's a good point. Okay. No, you are the racist ones Yeah, yeah, he's a fucking He's a knuckle dragon on the floor ape. Okay, no you are the racist ones. Yeah, yeah, he's a fucking He's a knuckle dragon on the floor a Okay, I'm done dude. It's I was gonna say Fathomely when he comes in is that he can grab you and kind of hug you You can't like dad. Yeah, yeah, I used to get I was gonna say that you Jesus true good Bobby chat. Yeah, go to Bobby Chat.

James Pasquise says, imagine doing a one minute set at Kill Tony, which is a show with the Comedy Store, and then Brian Redbank gives you pointers. Hashtag career low. Why? Why? Is it every famous for comic? I don't know. No, they had this show in a row.

They had this show with the store. They had the store with the 20-inch clef. Well, here's what you do. If someone comes up to you and gives you pointers, go do it. I'm good. Thanks. Hold on a time. If you're a young comic and a fucking older comic, look, I get that Brian Redman's not

like known for being a great comic. That's not why he's famous. But, out of the way, he's been in the fucking game a long time. If there's some dude that's famous that hangs out with a bunch of famous great comics that says, hey, did I give you a little bit of a pointer. Why is he? Why is he? What was he knew and he knew it's stand up? This guy in the chat said that Brian For a while that Brian how long focus was in the 40s? That's the point of the show the show is you give pointers. Yeah, I'm a show

Yeah, you really not that interesting, but go ahead now no the point is this kid said Brian Redman gave him a pointer after a show and it was the lowest point of career. So what do you suggest he does? Say thanks. I appreciate the advice. You're an older comic who's in a place that I want to be in at one point. Yeah, I wouldn't like. There's comments that I don't have a ton of respect for if they gave me a pointer.

If they're in the business for a long time, if they've been there, I'm not going to go fuck awful, man. I know what I'm doing. I understand what he's saying though. It's like, it's like, I don't, it's like, okay, I just did a set. I, good or bad, I don't really need anybody giving me any advice. I know where I'm at. Young comic should take it.

Best advice ever goes from Joe Rogan. When I come to him after a show at the Akua Kuhin Cambridge, and I was a fan of his half hour MTV special, and he talked about getting head on actual MTV. It was hilarious. And I was sitting like, oh my god, this guy is the motherfucker. And now I'm middleing for him. And I walked up and go, hey, do you have any advice? And I was so hard to do. And he went, no, there's no advice. Don't take advice from anybody. Just go on stage. Because anybody who tells you what to do is telling you how to be their type of guy.

We just did a two and a half hour podcast giving advice. Ah! What to do with your career? No, we gotta be likable. No, not about what you're saying. Yeah, no, I'm not about what you're saying. Well, let me say two things. Well, that's two different things.

We did, and I would never tell anybody what to say. You do what you want. I got some learned advice when I was just starting out a comic would be in the game for all I was like don't suck that was his advice which is as good as you can get. I was like get your mouth off my dick right now. Yeah, you know, but the other thing is I've got an advice from people who are a million gay jokes and don't suck. I know.

I know. My brain just happened. My little brain just got stuck. I just weaved. No, because he went don't sock and I was like, oh, follow. The other thing too is you just take the advice, you don't have to follow advice. So some people who, you never know where the good advice is going to come from. He took it as this guy is trying to be a dominant or, well, I think he's wrong for that.

And also Mark said that show. That is the point of the show you going to be Procete yeah so yeah it's not one-on-one advice is in front of a whole crowd right so don't do the show then you yeah yeah yeah I read Red Smash in this guy but he probably is just trying to be witty or Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would just he was like dude. I didn't mean it. Yeah, it's probably just trying to be funny Well, I think there's something we took it analytical

There really needs to be and I really I believe this there's something we took it analytical. There really needs to be, and I really, I believe this guys, when I sort of, when I sort of in comedy, there's a lot of guys that I looked up to that today, I don't really give a fuck about, right? Okay, I'm sorry. So, but like, I still had a respect for the fact that they were in a place that I wanted to be in at one point, and I feel like there's a general temperature in the, in the open mic comedy scene, especially from female comics, where they don't just go like, hey you're fucking there and i want to be there one day so let me just automatically give you respect and you have it's just a it's just a it's a me i could we get a rap to some you get a little wordy you

get a little wordy you i know you're fucking you like Tony Robbins you go off right i actually i didn't voice over is that any go might you have no no held it up held it up together with his. Yeah, we messed it. Yeah. On the, on the Legion of Skanks podcast, Tuesday nights at 10 o'clock in cave comedy radio, YouTube.com slash Legion of Skanks,

you, me and Big J had a contest where we did trivia on each other. Yeah, yeah. And every time we got another question wrong about the other person, we had to get another hash mark tattoo and it's wonderful. So here's nine of them. Just another shitty story.

You're gonna have gonna tell your grandchild Well me and why would you do that? I mean this guy who died of diabetes 20 years ago Hey, let me see it give me one more Joe Rogan's advice to Bobby atkins I know a lot of people were guessing like who what comics have a writer who doesn't that was a whole thing. Well, it's not our job to say because it's their privacy and but I believe a lot of them do have like just writers doing the whole act for them. No, I think that I think that I think that they think they like it. Chris Rock has a guide to doing these jokes for Yeah, Kevin Hart has his openers. This is known.

He they sit in the audience and they watch his act and they come afterwards and they fucking say, Hey, this is what's going on. Of course, if I had enough money, where I could just fucking pay my entourage to sit there and fucking help me with you. If I had comics, but we all do that. Why not? You do it to me. You'd be like, Oh, this is a tech. No, I say stop doing that.

Oh, okay. I think it's a comedy and shadow. Well, he makes a good point is that we do kind of have that if we want it. You know, we could say, hey, dude, let me watch your sets. Yes. Like I say, like I'll do on the weekends. I'll say to Lenny, Gary, I'm doing this bit, check it out. Oh, what do you think?

And they'll give me some, they'll watch it. Oh, you should do this. So that was good. And I'm just saying it's good. That's great. Kind of gives you the confidence to go up on the next set if you're doing five sets to go a little further with it you know try this whatever so i think we do have the ability to do that we just feel like as comics you have to do everything has to

be from you organic and i don't think that's true i think you can you can be pushed in we should help each other more i think what else bobby should have louis on moron so he wanted to get so many words in all those are compliment for me any of us a disacquired all the other city comment you have uh... fuck your tv says you're killing louie you literally saved the last episode

oh wow i was a nice compliment uh... uh... uh... uh... episode. Oh wow. That was a nice compliment. There you go. Yeah. All right. I'll be texted that to himself. I so anyway, let's go around the room. You guys thanks for tuning in once again to the live video feed. Subscribe and review. If you want, you want to do something for us. If you haven't, you know, donated. I want to thank, you know, Ian and and Heather they donate at least once a month to the PayPal I haven't checked it in a couple months but you guys there is a donate button if you ever want to

donate something to the show it all goes back into whatever you need here but you guys are the best Heather and Ian Rice you're just awesome but subscribe to this channel YouTube channel it's free and it's free you hit the button you'll get notifications when we're going live. You'll get notification when the new video comes up. And it's actually, you know, we put it, we spent a lot of money and a lot of hard work and D-Poo's done a fantastic job.

Thank you. Chris has, you know, done a, all right. He's done all right. But make sure you subscribe and review. Go to radcast.com, listen to to all the shows including Hammer Fisting And weird medicine one of my favorite shows and check them out and

Let's go around the room. What do you got Mark? She wins this come out. Sorry Sunday Sunday. I've just followed me on Twitter at Mark Norm Check out my podcast with Joe list Tuesdays with stories. it's on iTunes, and check the website for dates. I'm coming to Joker's Wild, Dr. Grins, a couple of the Bonnaroo, so it comes to high. I'm doing Bonnaroo too. Oh, great.

Yeah, we're going out with sex drugs in Rock Royal to do a Q&A, and I think I'm doing the comedy. Oh, nice. Yeah, it was a Kentucky, right? Or something? Tennessee. Tennessee, yeah. We'll do shrooms.

I don't do drugs, but I'll watch you do shrooms I'll fucking pee on your foot. Oh, can we do a shroom cast? All the ones in your room cast. Oh man. I don't do drugs. No, but you would be the silver person everybody else Yeah, yeah, that's funny. Would you do a deep-oot? Hell yeah. All right, we get the truth. Well, you do it of course I think I would have to do it. Let's do it next Wednesday Maybe you do it? Of course. I think I would have to do it. Let's do it next Wednesday. Maybe. I'll talk a little talk a little time. It's involved. It's going to be a night or something. No, you don't have to do it a night. Let's do it outside. That's the end night. I want to do it at night.

It has to be in a podcast studio, deep. I wanted to. We can run a cable outside. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Go. I'm going to be at Fox Woods. Comics at Fox Woods. Connecticut. I'm going to be at Fox Woods, comics at Fox Woods, Connecticut, the 27th through the 31st. Look at the camera, dumb dumb. The 27th of May. I will be headlining the Wednesday and Sunday, Big J's headlining the Thursday through Saturday. So check us out. Big J's headlining. So I'm middleing apparently for an hour at the end of the Sunday and Wednesday show.

It's a longer middle spot. It's a longer middle spot. Yeah. And also I'll be in Windsor, Canada right outside of Toronto. Hey, you're it's weird. It's not the longer middle spot. It's the longer middle spot. Yeah. And also I'll be in Windsor Canada right outside of the Toronto. Hey, you're going up last, let's call it that. You're going up last Wednesday. I'm the closer.

Yeah, you're going up last on Wednesday and Thursday. What? You're featuring, you're doing a really long cheques spot. I love it. What do you think? This is why it sucks to have him as a middleer because he doesn't care like if I bring somebody I want them to promote my show.

I'm bringing you to my show Friday Thursday Friday Saturday. Right. That's the show. That's who we need to sell tickets. That's where I need to pack the fuck. I think Bobby almost murdered Dan Soder for promoting Anthony Jusslin, like his headlining dates once on the show. I think it was only, well, he literally almost physically

attacked him one time. He came on, he came on the show. And try to think on a way out of it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no The guy you got him the gig basically the only reason he's really going is because of big J Right who's been busting his ass and trying to fucking help it now. Oh is that the story of fucking big J the guy who held it It's my fourth time fucking going to comics motherfucker Second big J doesn't bother anything I bust my ass for big J who brought you there the first time you did Thanks for big J who brought you to the first time you did thanks well I want to promote my Windsor date as well because I probably won't be

back on before this fucking date because I'm no longer there's now my fucking regulars dude that's not true you were right on last week you couldn't make it you know we're right off three weeks in a row you couldn't make it don't play me because you can't get a fucking a kid center you have a baby you know the word nineteen and twenty like to be original nineteen and twenty of june uh... nobody's going to be a right outside of toronto okay so good on its company dot com

good to be kind of skanks dot com as well you can find the gig and winds are check out all of our other shows not on the gps hammer fisting real-ass podcast uh... just check out hammer-fisting. I'll add you boy real-ass podcast isn't that I see it's very it's not that funny It's actually just blah blah blah blah blah blah blah fucking scobal going The two

Tri-casters that are just such a two bright in that fucking studio. No fucking just want two cameras. Gink gink. All right, go ahead. What do you got Harris besides? Fire Island? Yeah. Yeah. You can see him on Grindr.

No, you can cast me on Twitter. I catch you. I'm telling you. I am a fucking fine house. If you come out of the closet, let me press that. So that's why you have Grindr on your phone is to see if I'm on it. No, of course not, let me paste that in. So that's why you have Grindr on your phone, is this if I'm on it? No, of course not, I'm married.

No, he has a Grindr's app, those are sandwiches. You don't have a cricket sound effect? No, we got the bandana. Oh, I actually like the silence more. Yeah, that's true. Oh yeah, I like to see his fucking nose get hot. What else you got? Twitter at Harrison Comedy, my website'sharrisongreenbomb.com to see his fucking nose get hot. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm at the where I'm at the parlor of press a digitation

1015 1115 and 1215 if I find a Monday through Sunday at the magic castle Very not gay totally straight magic You could see me at the buccacchi house you could see me wearing a vest And Rosie's house in Rhode Island. Magic and Gabe, very similar. Sparkles, Caps, Disappointed Fathers. What do you got? What do I got? This weekend, 14, 15th and 16th at Laf Boston.

If you're listening live, come down, check it out. Good club, great hotel. June 18th, 50 West Club in Salt Lake City, Utah. Boom boom boom check it out. I gotta bring an opener to that Shit, okay, go ahead and I'm into Utah Maybe you'll be going to you with me July saw in New York City back what some comedy what's your problem? I just don't like everything that just happened It's just you'll be on me dude. He's we's moved up in your spot bugged me. I don't know why I get it Yeah, you're right. You don't want to go to Utah. You want to head you want to headline Wednesdays and Sundays

I'm gonna only be there fucking one night There's no time to pull to get you out of the gates around it So you can tell people, go my time headlining on Tuesday at four in the afternoon and then doing a show. My Bobby's headline. Maybe you thought they'd said, Winder it was really Wednesday. That last time I took them to Foxwoods, he was headlining doing the same thing and he was only promoting his show. They don't have me headwind on the Wednesday

to promote the weekend. They literally want me to do that. They told me, promote your show. You promote my show. I know, so I have fucking two psychopaths with bald heads, fucking yelling at me in opposite directions. Well, you when someone invites you to work with them, you promote the shows that you're on together.

And Big J didn't even invite me for this weekend. Ryan from Comics booked me on the weekend he was like oh you're with big jade i was like he didn't fucking book you no big jade isn't book me on shows with him why cuz he doesn't want me to succeed he likes funoia right yeah

michael funoia i like him too maybe i'll start using him nice game ahead what do you have uh... new york city bobby's come in july's sixteen seventeen eight bobby's coming he's here Well, he know he's a white chef. You really just want that band. Wow. Do you want to take it with you a wrap it around? You have when you roll a blade did the fucking on them It's funny Go ahead what else what else do I got you record your Gotham comedy club Gotham

16 17th and 18th. What? A dice. Oh no shit, I didn't know that. That's great. Yeah, right, hot summer. Oh, I'll be opening the summer. Guys come check me out feature for Bobby Kelly. Yeah. Gotham.

You're not featuring for the live 16th and not even the year of the show. Why? They're gonna have somebody else. They work me there, they work me there. I'm good, they love me. Sean, Sean, my boy. And on Wednesday, he'll be headlining the vintage lounge.

Yeah, no. You're not having, you're moved on, dude. You're above me. You have go-mites now. I have to go-mites. I didn't say I'm above you. I said we're on equal levels. You said we're on equal levels.

Remember the whole speech? Yeah, no, I lied about that. That speech was bullshit. You're not near me. There's the truth. No. I don't know who's doing that yet, but it had you on last time, but we got donuts. Oh, those donuts right in the store.

The donut plants. No, no, you're talking about. Oh, there's donuts. Next to Gotham, there's good donuts. Yeah, maybe we will have a... That can be tradition. Yeah, what? I'm not making traditions with you.

Tradition now, your traditions stink. Your father dies, your mother dies. Oh, jeez shitty traditions. What else we got? Then you have brokerage on the seventh. Yes, that's a great gift. That's fun, gig too. I'm going to be coming to Austin to promote sex drugs and rock and roll. Louis on Thursday nights. Make sure you go to Louis. Watch out on FX at 1030 after the comedian. It's a great show too. Watch both of those shows.

Your FX is kicking at this, killing it this year. So make sure you watch, I think I'm on Louis this week and then next week. It's great season this year. Unbelievable. And of course, July 16th, Sex Trucks in Rocker Roll comes out on FX. Fucking calendar that. Right behind you. Right behind you. Right here. Check comes out on FX. Fucking calendar that. Right behind me. Right behind me.

Right here. Check that out right there. What is that? T-shirt? That is the new Robert Kelly live from the village on the ground T-shirt. We have at riotcast.com. You just hit the merch button, brings you right to the page,

and you pick yourself up one of these beautiful little T-shirts. That is hanging. It's hanging. It's not, it's really hanging at all perfectly. I think. No, it's not. It's fucking wrinkled. I think it's fucked up.

There we go. That's perfect. Thank you, Depot. Leave it to the Indian to make it perfect. Well, he actually fucking was the Indian too and he stole one of the t-shirts. Why'd you steal a t-shirt? I thought that shirt was for me. No.

You know, think it, did you say? I didn't tell you. What did he tell you? He goes, I think this one's mine. I go, okay, I didn't know. So he should have said, no, that's not yours. Why would you think a double X is for you? What do you, I didn't measure it until I got home.

Do you have a night shirt? Do you fucking want, do you want to measure it? Do you want to measure it with a shirt? Why don't you just look at the tag? Yeah. Thought it was for me, I thought you guys knew, all the, Deepu works for the heart for the show. Let's give him a shirt.

You know, Deepu, you'll get whatever you want. If you ask for it, why wouldn't I give you a sign, your size? You don't have my sign, your-show. Let's give him a shirt. You know, you'll get whatever you want if you ask for it. Why wouldn't I give you a sign, your size? You don't have my sign, your size, your size. I have a medium. You do? I have a medium. Yes, I bought a whole fucking thing of them.

I would love a shirt. Stop stealing them. How's that, you fucking thief? So you take something. Lying is stupid. Just say, Bobby, I want a shirt. And then you get your shirt, your size. I give it whatever you want

You know just snatch one off the fucking wall. I'm sorry. I did ask you one for three weeks ago I but dude I have him in the car. I what I tell you I said remind me to get the shirts And did you remind me? Yes, and I fucked up. Yeah I will get you and you a shirt absolutely you can have whatever you want guys So make sure you check us out this weekend get shirts go to riot cast Thanks for tuning in to this fucking amazing podcast you guys. Thank you for Harris mark Gomez Thanks for coming on and you two depot and Chris Coppola you guys are the fucking best you fans the dudes

Are the best and I guess the go mints. All right. We'll see you guys are the fucking best. You fans, the dudes are the best, and I guess the go-mites. All right, we'll see you guys later. You know what, dude? Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

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