Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Bug Eater | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #33

Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. What's up everybody? Are we live guys? We're live. Woo! Joe and Lewis are texting up a storm. They're texting each other bits they want to do. I'm done. I'm here.

Starting point is 00:00:39 Stories they want to tell. No, I'm trying to think of what type of cigar I like because I just had one recently and I wanted to get Bobby's opinion on it but I can't find the name of it. Joe List, Dan Soto, Luis J Gomez, Bobby Kelly, the regs are back. I mean everybody's favorite podcast. It seems that way right? That's that's the word on the street. A lot of people love it. Everybody's like I love the regs. People are really into Kill Tony though. I'm just saying. That's not a podcast. That's not a podcast. It's a TV show. It's literally a podcast. But it's a TV show. It's oh sure. It's a show. I'm gonna it's not a podcast. It's a TV show. It's literally a podcast. It's a TV show. It's sure

Starting point is 00:01:06 It's a show. I'm gonna it's literally a podcast, but it's literally a show, but it's a Kiss in the listeners neck It's released in podcast form like real time with Bill Maher is also released as a podcast, but it's a TV show Hold on look at us talk to y'all real, real time with Paul Maher is on TV. Yes. No, Tony's about to be on TV on Netflix and that's TV case dismissed. Joe you win. Order in the court. But TV is YouTube now unless you guys haven't been paying attention. Oh hit him again with it. Because you know there's a certain I don't know if it's public knowledge, but a friend of ours has a TV show that's going to be on YouTube.

Starting point is 00:01:48 Who? I don't know. Maybe it's not public knowledge, but we'll talk after. Well, just tell us kind of. Kind of. Do we know what we all know? Do we know them? Ari Shafir. Ari Shafir? He's Jewish.

Starting point is 00:01:59 You guys got it. So I was like, he asked Sarah, hey, do you want to do a thing? And then she's like, I don't know. I don't feel like doing it, but I'm like, but it's TV. She's like, I thought it was on YouTube. I'm like, but that's TV. YouTube is TV. YouTube is TV? I watch YouTube more than I watch TV. I watch YouTube TV. YouTube TV.

Starting point is 00:02:13 Sign up at Dan. Use the code DanS. I started using my own codes. I don't even turn the TV in the hotel on anymore. Whoa. I just do. Whoa. Don't let him make you feel bad.

Starting point is 00:02:24 Can we say this? I don't. Hey. We have this on the air? Don't let him make you feel bad. Can we say this? I don't. Hey. We have this on the air? Why? Hey look at this. This is pretty crazy. Look at this, I'm spilling wax all over.

Starting point is 00:02:31 Ah! Fuck, my dry hands has caught fire! Ah! It's like old leaves! Improv. Yeah, thanks. That's Joe and Dan, we'll be at UCB. He's not shaking my hand, but I'm improv-ing.

Starting point is 00:02:41 Ooh, that's a dry hand. What are you, made a bark? Kill Tony's a TV show. It's a TV show. Here's why it's a dry hand. What are you made of bark? Kil Coney's a TV show. It's a TV show. Here's why it's a TV show. You don't want a TV show? It's a TV show. You don't want a TV show? Here's why a TV show. Ready? Full house? Because it has little segments and things you have to do that people come out, you judge them, it's like a roast battle type thing. A podcast is when you just talk about shit. Yeah, no rules. No rules, no rules No topics it's more show that it is to hang dead unless you get topics unless Lewis makes you get topics don't you think?

Starting point is 00:03:14 Sure Just give up You're strong enough well soda hasn't piped in yet he's trying to feel who he's still kissing whoever gets angrier. So don't join that side You mean show does it shows afraid of anger? Yeah, I'm not afraid of anger I didn't say that don't get mad at me kill to me said TV show that Put out as a podcast It's never been on TV. It's going to be on Netflix next more of a game show. How about a game fucking idiot? It's not a network TV show It's not a I'm almost as doing this to make you bad. It's not it's not a podcast. It of a game show. How about a game show? You guys are fucking idiots. It's not a network TV show. It's not a-

Starting point is 00:03:45 I'm almost just doing this to make you mad. It's not a podcast. It's a game show. Sure. You can't just talk about anything you want. You have to talk about the thing that's happening. I actually think- So you're saying it's not a generic podcast that everyone else does, which is three dudes

Starting point is 00:03:57 talking about the same topics that everybody talks about. Well, you just fucking threw us under the bus. Lewis. That's a great TV show. We were all under a bus talking about topics. That'd be fun. I go, is this the fuel line? What is this?

Starting point is 00:04:08 What does this pan do? That's a bomb if you go under 55. Whose fuel line is it anyway? Whoa! Bomb Dana throw it right in the guy's face. Whoa! Pop quiz hot shot. Who just bombed it?

Starting point is 00:04:23 Dude, that would be the best way to handle war, is anytime somebody drops a bomb, you throw the bomb down at them. They go, what is this? Why are you throwing this at me, IDF soldier? Cause you just drone struck a... I'm gonna put that in the middle of you two. Why?

Starting point is 00:04:38 We're having a bit, we're having a fun bit. Oh, dude, you think... It's not a TV show, dude. Dude, it's an experience. Now you're back in. Yeah, Kill County's an experience, dude. It's not an experience you think it's not a TV show, dude. It's an experience. How you back in? He's an experience. It's not an experience, but it's it's more of a literally a podcast.

Starting point is 00:04:50 You fucking. Well, Tony and Jimi Hendrix both are experiences. Did people listen to Kill Tony? Yeah. Yeah. Are you kidding me? It's more of a it's more of a themed podcast. Yeah. Like Story Wars. Yeah. Oh, where's not a podcast. No, it's a game show.'s not a podcast show. It's a game show. It's a game show.

Starting point is 00:05:09 It's a game show podcast. That's not what I call it. I call it a, there's a winner. Why? It's a game show. The podcast don't have winners. Well, you can win a cheat. Apparently what I did not fucking Joe. I didn't know. I didn't know. I know you want my new favorite TV show is yeah well Tony Tuesdays or stories that's a podcast no uh Beast Games love it what is it love it love it what's Beast Games you don't know Beast Games this I don't you don't know what this games is no you don't know what these games I don't nobody does this is dog fighting in a backyard and My friend Enrique brings his

Starting point is 00:05:54 Mr. Beast oh dude, what's your problem? He demands the devil? Negative man today. What happened? I'm not negative. I positive. I said you did a good job Oh, please stop being negative on the fucking being Oh, I brought this up stopped it don't do that. negative on the fucking being negative? Whoa! I brought this up. Don't do that. Mr. Beast's smile upsets me. Oh, it sucks. Go to pictures, images of Mr. Beast. The way he smile. I brought this up before.

Starting point is 00:06:12 Yeah, we did. Let's do it again. Let's do it again. Let's play that song again. This is a kid's show. No, it's not a kid's show. It's a game show where they give away a shit ton of money. You have $5 million as a grand prize.

Starting point is 00:06:21 Every show? Is this not a real smile? No, it's the whole end of the season. It's pretty good, though. Me and my son are watching it. He's got hair tits. He show? Real smile. No, the whole end of the season. It's pretty good though. Me and my son are watching it. He's got hair tits. He's got fake hair. Oh.

Starting point is 00:06:30 He's got hair transplant. It's kind of like a... No. It's a good job though. That's a game show. It is a game show. That's not a podcast. That's a, no.

Starting point is 00:06:39 Started out as a podcast. No it didn't. Yeah it did. MrBeast was a podcast. No it wasn't. It was a YouTube channel. It was a podcast no wasn't it was a YouTube channel YouTube channel YouTube is not podcast someone walked into it

Starting point is 00:07:02 Peace games There's a tiger in the bedroom, so what is the show about what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do on the people doing a Puerto R doing a Puerto Rican Beast Games. Yeah, you do it. What do you want? You did it. We're doing Beast Games Bronx. Can we do me a favor, guys? Can we slow it down a little bit? We're intense right now. We have topics.

Starting point is 00:07:34 We're going fast. What is the Beast Games about? You brought it up, I'm interested. It's a reality game show. They have a thousand people trying to win $5 million. You know what I'll comment down? Couple neck kisses. Those are ear kisses for people's ears.

Starting point is 00:07:51 No, I'm kissing their necks. I don't think you have a brownie in your mouth. I wouldn't do gross shit like that. I realize we're calling back to the ads, which. Yeah, listen to the ads. No, people are gonna edit in a minute. They're gonna be like, in like 30 minutes, they're gonna be like, oh, I get what he meant. Oh, I get why Joe's a disgusting pig.

Starting point is 00:08:03 Oh, that's me. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh. All right, let's talk more about this game show that you're watching. Oh. So where is Beast Wars?

Starting point is 00:08:14 It's not dog fighting. It's not. Beast Games. No, and they all compete for $5 million. It's a lot. So sometimes you watch a game show and you go like. Is there a winner of To Kill Tony? You need to stop, dude. You just asked. Tickets out. You need to stop. Is there a winner?, is there a winner of Kill Tony? You need to stop, dude.

Starting point is 00:08:25 Yeah, tickets out. You need to stop. Is there a winner? Have you ever been on Kill Tony? No. Have you? I did it with you, you fat fuck. Have you been on it?

Starting point is 00:08:32 You crazy? We sat next to each other for two and a half hours. I know, I'm doing a thing where I'm making Bobby feel bad because he's never been on it. No, you're not. No, you're not. You genuinely forgot you did it with Joe. And Joe showed genuine reaction to that.

Starting point is 00:08:41 I've done it with Joe twice. Why would you want to make somebody feel, why would you want to make your friend feel bad? Why would I make, why do you do that? Why are you into that? Fat fuck. You see how we're doing, we're too fast. You fat fuck, why are you trying to make people fat?

Starting point is 00:08:53 I heard you gained weight. I heard you gained weight. I did gain a little bit of weight. I gained weight. 35 pounds. Holy shit! In four days. All in your hips.

Starting point is 00:09:00 Yeah, but I'm almost back. I'm like 15 pounds heavier than I was before I went in. This is dangerous. Yes. The fluctuating? The fluctuating of weight? Yes it is. Real quick though, does Kill Tony have a winner?

Starting point is 00:09:13 Wow. The guy that won it. No, there's not a winner, there's winners and losers. It's life. No, there's no way, you win a little joke book if you do well. So you do a good job. You get a big joke book if you do well you do get a little one if you just do it

Starting point is 00:09:27 Why did everyone's microphones just become louder? Oh, I turn my own volume up As you got hard and to turn them up cuz my fat thigh hit the volume knob Oh Jesus there is that's why you were fucking talking over everyone. Why I wasn't talking over anybody. I was waiting But why are you dressing like an old-timey gangster now? Yeah, you a bookie? Numbers it's it's same personal Why are you dressing like an old time gangster now? Are you a bookie? Bobby numbers? First of all, happy St. Patty's Day to everybody. I do have to collect today. It's a tough day to collect. Everyone is wearing green. Happy St. Patty's Day.

Starting point is 00:09:57 Is that why you're dressed like this? I'm wearing a hoodie and a scally cap. I've been wearing a scally cap since you met me. What? I'm saying change it up. These hats, I'm not changing anything up for you. I don't trust your fucking opinion. Wow.

Starting point is 00:10:12 Yeah. You wanna go? Where do you wanna go? You just wanna make out. You wanna get some lunch? I would love some lunch right now. Let's go get some lunch. 35 pounds in a week, I bet you would like some lunch.

Starting point is 00:10:22 Dude, it was a problem. You didn't gain 35 pounds in a week. I swear on my son's life, I didn't weigh myself. Don't say that. 35 pounds in one week. I bet you would like some lunch. It was a problem. You didn't gain 35 pounds I swear on my son's I didn't weigh myself. No One week that's ridiculous. No, no, it was bad You go I swear to God on James, you know what I didn't touch a scale Maybe more than 35 pounds. I mean did you that's How did you believe you can gain 35 pounds in a week. Fucking dumb fucks. Oh nevermind, that proves my point.

Starting point is 00:10:48 So what were you just eating lard? What were you eating? No, I was eating everything in the Jamaican Villa. The problem is I got high. I haven't smoked weed in four months. That's so funny to go. The man come down real good shape, the next thing you know he a goblin.

Starting point is 00:11:03 He be eating everything including the shower curtain. I'm fucking goblin, where the fuck can I put that up? He be eatin' every dumb ting to where we had to go get a priest. That's gotta be the greatest fat name ever. Call somebody a goblin. You're a fucking goblin. Never heard that one.

Starting point is 00:11:19 That's what I do, that's what I am, I be goblin. Ha ha ha ha! That was awful. I'm back, boys, I'm back. Woo, you're fat. I'm fat. I'm fat. Goblin is the greatest fat slang ever.

Starting point is 00:11:32 So, no, no, no, I got high for the first time in four months. I was drinking the whole time. It's all water. What were you drinking? Every gram of carbs you eat, you hold on to three grams of water. Cool. I'm sorry. What were you drinking?

Starting point is 00:11:44 I'm not, I'm just laughing. I'm sorry. Because you're such a goofball, but then you come out with these fucking scientific facts. You can go from silly bitch to every gram of. He goes, my left side had completely shut down, but I still got into a fight with that cab driver. But there were 4.5 protein grams.

Starting point is 00:12:01 So. This is comedy now, every comedian is like this. You're like, the carbohydrate rate of a heart rate, you're like, what the fuck, everyone's all science now. It's not science, it's a fact. You know what it'd be, this is so stupid, you guys are. You just made this noise. Hey, hey, slow down boys.

Starting point is 00:12:19 So how do they get this information? Little neck kisses. Every time we get a little too crazy, Dan kisses on the neck. Hey, hey, hey, hey, right here, bud. Oh, nice. Slow it down. If we had any female listeners, they would love this.

Starting point is 00:12:29 Can I say something though? I love a neck kiss. Can you? Oh, come here. Oh, I love my neck being sucked on, my ear, a tongue in my ear. Oh! I would never do that to a girl now,

Starting point is 00:12:38 because I'm 54. Katie gets all of these. Even kissing at 43, when I tongue kiss a girl, it's just, I'm going like, ew, why would you kiss this old man? You know when we get high and I jokingly make Katie, I stick my tongue out and make her peck my tongue. Oh. And she goes, ah!

Starting point is 00:12:54 You ever done it? It's gross. I like when a girl sucks on my tongue. Well yeah, that's erotic. I was doing silly kisses. I like a girl on the neck and then when they used to go in the ear and they suck, they used to fuck your ear. They go, please, please get off.

Starting point is 00:13:04 Fingering my ass, I have my legs up on my ears. She goes, oh, you can take so much. And you go, I need more. More, more. You start pumping it. What? All right, we're coming down. Back to your science.

Starting point is 00:13:17 How did you gain a fucking fat child while you were in Jamaica? Fat child, more than a fat child. If that's a four year old, 35 pounds. You didn't work out at all in Jamaica? No, no, no, no, no, no. Worked out as well. Four nights, four nights,

Starting point is 00:13:31 and I got high for the first time in four months. I was eating everything. First of all, they do two meals. I had them stop doing lunch, because there's so much food. We have food left over from the night before we all eat for lunch, right? So there's 17 of us in the villa.

Starting point is 00:13:46 They come out with, you know, fucking bacon, eggs. They make these delicious little like jelly-filled like pastry things. Every morning they make them for us. You know, French toast, pancakes, everything. Paco, Paco was there. It's funny to find out if Paco and them couldn't eat. Paco, Paco, did you ever see me not eating on the trip?

Starting point is 00:14:07 When you were taking a nap, that's the only time. You're dreaming about food. Dude, I was literally, they made cookies. I probably had 40 cookies throughout four days and I would eat a cookie and then I would go to the kitchen and I would sneak cookies behind everyone's back. What are you doing? It was crazy, dude.

Starting point is 00:14:22 Did you ever get so full that you were making pain noises? I couldn't shit for three full days. How was that when that happened? Dude, I was literally, it felt like the food was coming out of my throat, and I was like, no. And I shoved more food into my throat. How big was your dump?

Starting point is 00:14:35 Fine, I mean, I've been dumping every day. Like, it's just getting out of me now. It's just getting out of me now. Yeah, it is. And this was the grossest part of the entire vacation. So they had like candy, right? We're like, I want snacks and candy. I give them, I handled the menu.

Starting point is 00:14:52 I was like, I gave them like candy, pastries. I make sure the whole house, there's three villas. Every villa is stocked with everything. I had my own villa. I had a single person villa. My villa was by the pocket. You didn't even know because you didn't go in my villa. My villa was stocked with my own snacks.

Starting point is 00:15:04 How come pocket didn't go in your villa? Because nobody was stocked with my own snacks. How come Paco didn't go in your villa? Because nobody goes in my villa. Why? Because it's my villa. Well, you can't invite somebody in your villa. Yeah, what are you doing in there? Yeah, what are you doing in your villa? Eating.

Starting point is 00:15:12 Apparently. Yeah, so they had like bags of M&Ms. Yeah, what kind? Peanut, and then they had like some mix, a mixed bag where it's like peanuts, the peanut butter in the plain. I love an M&M. This is an old hat for me. So, no, that's an old hat on Bobby's head.

Starting point is 00:15:28 It's a brand new hat. It looks new. Well, you said you've been wearing it since I fucking known you. Wearing Scally caps, the actual style. You fucking Scally, you are a Scally cap. The style of the hat, you fucking angry asshole. Don't get mad, you're doing good.

Starting point is 00:15:39 Stay on your story. Hold on, Jim. Kiss his neck. Kiss my neck. Thank you, sorry. Now go back to the M&M's. You love M&M's. You love M&M's. We love M&M's.

Starting point is 00:15:45 We love them, yeah. Love his rap music, love his acting. What were you eating the most? That's his sex scene. Sorry. You know where he got his name? Marshall Mathers is his real name, M and M. Ooh, I didn't know that, never knew that.

Starting point is 00:15:59 Wow. We all knew that. Wow. The least cool guy here knew that? I'm cool, I'm cool. Bobby numbers? I didn't say you're not cool, you're the least cool guy here. I'm cool. I'm cool. I didn't say you're not cool. You're the least cool guy here.

Starting point is 00:16:09 Bobby numbers you can tell you where to get a good meal piccata. I'm not cool than Joe. That's still, what do you think? It's debatable. But Joe's just based off of age. Joe's pretty cool. He's close to me. I'm cool with that, I don't participate in this

Starting point is 00:16:27 who's cool, who's not cool. That's what makes you cool. That is so cool. Also, side note, we'll get into it in a minute, watch Baby Girl finally. Oh yeah. Kind of a piece of shit of a movie. It's fun.

Starting point is 00:16:36 Well, there you go. Kind of a piece of shit movie. There you go. That was set up. Watch the movie you told me to watch, stinks. It did stink. M&M's are good. That's pretty fun.

Starting point is 00:16:43 M&M. I'm not saying it's fucking got robbed at the Oscars, but she gets finger from behind. She was good in it. Jerks off, it's fun. Who jerks off? Nicole Kidman, she's fully nude, jerking off, watching porn.

Starting point is 00:16:53 We watched it on the show. Let's take a quick moment and thank Factor Meals for supporting today's show. We love Factor's Meals. Delivered right to you, George, ready in two minutes. Restaurant quality meals, every type of thing that you want breakfast lunch dinner snacks What is there not to love? I don't have a wife

Starting point is 00:17:08 Like fucking you guys. Mm-hmm. I got a you know, who's my wife? Factor meals. Oh, I love you two together. Yeah, I love what you guys have. That's not our fault. Yeah, that isn't our fault but Factor meals does step it up opportunity. We're gonna just marry some bitch. Not when the factor meals is out there. Factor offers eight dietary preferences. So no matter what your lifestyle looks like, they have something for you. I need it because I have the baby,

Starting point is 00:17:34 my wife's working her ass off. I don't wanna cook. I don't wanna cook. I like, here's Joe making a factor meal for his baby. It's gonna be hot, blow on it. What the hell I'm doing? He blends up a veal parmesan. Right to my door.

Starting point is 00:17:48 I would never eat veal. Right to my door. Why? Veal is delicious. I eat it like breakfast, grab and go snack. The younger the animal, the better it is. Veal, lamb. I know their feet didn't touch the floor.

Starting point is 00:17:58 They'd all deep fry a baby chicken. All I gotta do right now is go to factor meals. Stuff the duck's face. Oh, a bog roll. A bog roll. A bog roll. A bog roll. That's good. Where they drowned him in like Sherry.

Starting point is 00:18:07 Yeah, that's so good. Eat smart with Factor. Get started at factormeals.com slash factor podcast and use code factor podcast to get 50% off. That's half of your first box plus free shipping. That's code factor podcast at factormeals.com slash factor podcast to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Are you doing, are you giving your mouth mouth full of food and I'm waiting here to I've been I've had a breath in my lungs waiting to talk

Starting point is 00:18:38 Support the show get 50% off your first factor box. I just said that you were mushed together It was so we have to edit it out. Nobody wants to hear that. It was truly disgusting. It sounded great. Support the show and get 50% off your first factor box plus free shipping. Use code factorpodcast at factormeals.com slash factorpodcast. I have brownie in my mouth. He's got cum in his mouth.

Starting point is 00:18:57 No, yours was disgusting. Put it on your headphones and you'd hear how fucking gross that was. Gross. Yeah, I can only hear it with headphones on. It was gross. Trust me, you can only hear what headphones are. It was gross. Yeah, trust me, you can't hear it. It was like, gulp. Ha ha ha. Whatever.

Starting point is 00:19:09 So M&Ms, right? They open the bag. I open the bag. I'm the only one eating this candy. And I keep on going back. We see that. Just every time I'm in the kitchen, grab a little handful, throw some M&Ms in my mouth.

Starting point is 00:19:19 35 pounds, four days. So check this out. So at one point, we get up at like seven in the morning. It's just me and Shannon, like hanging out like by the pool. Feeding each other. Did she go in your villa? No. Nobody went in my villa.

Starting point is 00:19:32 So I go to the kitchen. I was like, oh, let me get coffee. While I'm in the coffee, get some little morning time M&Ms, obviously. Yeah, morning M&Ms are there for a reason. You gotta have some morning M&Ms. So I grab a handful. I fucking pop them in my mouth.

Starting point is 00:19:44 And then I look down at the bag and I realize that there's a bunch of ants around the bag of M&M's. And then I open the bag of M&M's, all the M&M's are covered in little minuscule ants. I go, oh, I spit them out into the sink. There's ants twitching in the sink in my spit, in the fucking, you know the flavor universe they hit when you started chewing them?

Starting point is 00:20:03 They're like, this guy's been eating everything. He's every taste known to man. And then you spit them out, and they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'll put them back. Doggie, I ate ants. You got ants in your pants. Can we go back to the debate about Jamaica being cool and a good place to go? You leave M&M's open for a night, and they're covered in ants?

Starting point is 00:20:20 It's a fucking- That's a shit hole island. It's an island, dude. It's a shit hole. It's not a shit hole. If you did it in Costa Rica, the same thing, ants would come out. In Costa Rica- It's not an islandithole island. It's an island, dude. It's a shithole. It's not a shithole. If you did it in Costa Rica, the same thing, ants would come out. In Costa Rica. It's not an island.

Starting point is 00:20:28 In Costa Rica. It's not an island. He says it like the ant study in Island. Costa Rica it happens. Dude, Costa Rica, the fucking raccoons came into my fucking room and then I left the window a little open and the Costa Rican staff was like, don't leave your windows open. Yeah. Same thing happens in Jamaica, too The raccoons

Starting point is 00:20:48 That's why you gotta stay on the compound I said raccoons You ate ants? You ate ants in your pants? Oh, I had ants in my mouth Dude, I ate ants, me and Ari ate ants when we were in Yeah, but you guys did it on purpose When you do it on purpose, you fucking, Bobby does it on porpoise

Starting point is 00:21:04 Come on folks Porpoise nothing to do with dolphins. Yeah, it doesn't mean follow our porpoises fat. No, no, they're don't can be it's all muscle You rape Look up a fat porpoise. Tell me doesn't look just like Bobby Kelly pull it up right now Look up a fat porpoise, tell me it doesn't look just like Bobby Kelly. Pull it up right now. If you type in fat porpoise and it shows up, I bet you, wear that hat. No, since it's fat, all I use is all muscle. So that was the joke on porpoise, because porpoises are fat? On pork ass?

Starting point is 00:21:35 Yep. Go back to your... Don't tell me that doesn't look like Bobby. The one on the left, look at that. Top left. Click on it. That's not real. It is. That's not the left, look at that. Top left. Click on it. That's not real. It is. That's not real. That's not real.

Starting point is 00:21:49 That's not real. You can't print that. Dude. The one on the bottom left would be more of a zinger. I was spending too much time on this fucking bomb joke. Can you, no, we're gonna make it work. Hey, what's up guys? Can you guys, can you edit a Scallywag hat onto its head and those glasses on and then come back? Scallywag? Scallycap. Scallywag hat onto its head and those glasses on and then come back?

Starting point is 00:22:06 Scallywag? Scallycap. Scallywag is pirates. Oh, that's what you were being down on that island eating those ants. Eating your M&M ants. You're like, did you have your morning ants? He be so fat he be eating candy with ants on him. He eats bugs.

Starting point is 00:22:23 I be like, why you be eating the bugs? And he says, stay out of here. I shut me window so the raccoons don't come in here. I said, that's racist. I said, no, you're being racist. You bug eater, you bug eater. These white Americans, they be eating bugs. They be gaining so much weight,

Starting point is 00:22:45 they different people when they eat. They must really fucking hate Americans. These people are starving. They white load us people. No, they love us. Paco, do they not love me? Miss Janet? Miss Janet. They love you because you go there. That's like a fucking slave owner going like,

Starting point is 00:23:02 No, now they love me. Isn't that right, Miss Latita? Oh yes, sir, I love you. You turned your back and they're like, get out of here, you can't even put your shoes on, yes, sir. I couldn't, I know. I couldn't. Dude, my feet and my ankles.

Starting point is 00:23:14 I heard about all this. Dude, let me fucking show, I have a picture of my feet. This is crazy, are you serious? 30 pounds? 37 pounds. Easily. And you ate ants? And I ate ants.

Starting point is 00:23:23 It's like that vodka. You couldn't get your shoes on? This sounds like a terrible trip trip Bobby's been all kinds of fat and he's never look at my look at My fucking ankles What the fuck look at my ankle my fucking ankle? What the fuck looks like yamanikas foot? That's just from hanging out eating Wow did my feet my ankles Where it was crazy dude it was like, Miss Janet. That's just from hanging out eating? Wow. Dude, my feet and my ankles. What the fuck? It was crazy, dude.

Starting point is 00:23:47 It was like literally crazy. Oh guys, I think we have a problem. So I got on the plane and then my coming home, my feet got so swollen. I took my shoes off on the plane cause I was like, my feet were like in pain from just like being. In shoes?

Starting point is 00:24:01 In shoes. That's so fat, your feet hurt from being in shoes? I was like, Bing, do you have any bugs? That's so fat your feet hurt from being in shoes. I was like, Bing, do you have any bugs? That's so funny. She goes, no, why would we? I said, you know what, leave this bag out. If we're lucky, I can munch some bugs. I'm worried about you.

Starting point is 00:24:18 You know your water weight, if you squeeze your shin and your hand or thumb imprint stays in your. No, no, it was all water weight. I'm fine. What does that mean, water weight, if you squeeze your shin and your hand or thumb imprint stays in your. No, no, it was all water weight. I'm fine. What does that mean, water weight? I never understand that term. What does that mean?

Starting point is 00:24:31 It's like you're retaining water. I still don't get it. Are these fucking women's pants? No. Why can't they go up? Oh, because my legs are too fat. Damn, you got so fat, your jean legs won't even come up.

Starting point is 00:24:43 Like when people say water weight, like does that mean it goes off easier? It doesn't count. It means it goes over. It's like when you drink a bunch't even come up. People say water weight. Like does that mean it goes off easier? It doesn't count. You know when you drink a bunch of beer or whatever, that's water weight. Oh, I thought that was beer weight. It is, but it's like water. Beer's most water.

Starting point is 00:24:53 Oh. Buddy, he's swollen. Like look at, you can put some. No, I'm getting better. I'm maybe 15, 20 pounds heavier than I am. I just stood up while my headphones were on and it was ripping. Holy shit!

Starting point is 00:25:04 Thumb indent stays in the skin. Dude, you literally can indent yourself on Louis's fat leg. That's not good. Do your face like one of those pin things. I do a scared face. I put your leg on me. To the middle finger.

Starting point is 00:25:15 I'd stay. So, uh. Aren't you nervous about that? So then I got on the, I got on the plane and literally I took my shoes off and my feet were so big because they became swollen on the plane. My shoes didn't fit when I landed.

Starting point is 00:25:27 Sir, you have to put your shoes on to come through customs. I can't! I took them off! Yeah. What did you do? Did you have to like pin them with a, did you hit them with a pin and they were like.

Starting point is 00:25:38 No, I just squeezed, I squeezed them on. Jesus. Yeah. Was it worth it? No, I'll never do it again. I mean, I'll go to Jamaica again, but I don't think I'll do, if I do the villa ever again,

Starting point is 00:25:50 I'm gonna make sure that they stock it with healthy food. Why don't you make sure you're with other people so you don't sneak food in here? I did 17 people. Yeah, but be with the other people. So you're not alone in sneaking M&Ms. Did anyone have the balls to comment to their boss that he was overeating?

Starting point is 00:26:03 No. Was everyone like, keep going, Lewis. They go, hey, we're lucky this guy kills over. Yeah. Like, nobody had the balls to comment to their boss that he was overeating? No. Was everyone like, keep going, Lewis. They go, hey, we're lucky this guy kills over. Yeah. Nobody had the balls. I was like, balls? Can I eat those balls? What type of balls?

Starting point is 00:26:10 Well, is there a chocolate on them? Chocolate balls? There are chocolate? Cheese puffs? What were you saying? I don't know how Lewis is going nuts. Was it the weed that was fueling? Paco, were you guys talking about me behind my back?

Starting point is 00:26:20 And it was the weed, yes. No, we were just a little. Yeah, that's yes. We were just bummed out that you didn't want to come with us to the luminescent Bay and we were kind of a little sad that you took two beds and two people had to sleep outside. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What Paco. Go. Paco. Paco the truth, dude. Paco slept in a hammock like his childhood. Oh my God. Nobody had to sleep outside. Well, he's-

Starting point is 00:26:48 There's cots, there's couches. Cots? If anybody slept outside- Fucking couches. Cots is couches. If anybody slept outside- Paco, why are you such a liar? You're fired, you fucking dumb- No, no, no, no.

Starting point is 00:26:56 He got you. Paco, Paco. Did people- Wait, Louis. Nobody slept outside. Louis? Did people sleep outside? If they slept outside, they'd be covered in fucking mosquito bites.

Starting point is 00:27:04 Nobody slept outside. It's the shit hole. Who slept outside? It's the shit hole. Paco, did someone sleep outside? If they slept outside they'd be covered in fucking mosquito bites. Nobody slept outside. It's the shithole. Who slept outside? Paco, did someone sleep outside? Someone did, but they came back in and slept on the couch because there's no beds. I took two, I didn't take two beds. There was a second bed inside of my private villa. So why don't you let somebody who you like... Someone sharing a fucking villa with somebody. Why? Why? They're employees. I thought Gastro to talk gas digital as a family if I was gonna do that I would have taken my own room in one of the bigger villas but why didn't you get one next year I will because honestly the air conditioning

Starting point is 00:27:32 that villa wasn't ideal so why don't you take somebody in your villa that needed a bed somebody you like or wheel the bed into the other villa that's not the way it works okay so you just had an empty bed? It was an empty bed upstairs. You had an upstairs? Well, it was. It wasn't even in the same room! You had a double. It was the same.

Starting point is 00:27:50 Holy shit! It was like a lofted bed. Did they sleep outside? They wouldn't have fucking have somebody above me while I'm eating myself to sleep. Yeah, dude, they should, someone should have watched you raccoon out. It's crazy, they had to sleep on a couch.

Starting point is 00:28:03 Did they have a room that was one bed, one room that you could have went in? Yeah. So why don't you just do that and give the kids the villa? I'm gonna do that next year. I didn't realize that when I got this villa, I didn't realize it was second bed. I had already. When did you realize that when I got into the villa? So why did you make a fucking decision then? Yes, not fucking signed contract because I wanted my own fucking Villa away from everyone's party and doing Molly, ecstasy, mushrooms.

Starting point is 00:28:27 And then people got to sleep on the couch and just get woken up by that in the morning? That's what they're doing. So, Paco, who slept on the couch? One of the new guys, right? You guys and me. Oh! Paco, you're a little bitch. Paco, you're a little bitch.

Starting point is 00:28:42 Let me tell you why. I went to Paco at the beginning of the trip I was like there might have to be somebody that sleeps on a couch I was like don't have it be you make one of the brand new guys do it and he was like no I'll do it cuz Paco wants the fucking credit for being that guy I mean a great guy a great guy a great person a great person that would not let somebody fucking fuck y'all Paco in Tagalog means generous. I

Starting point is 00:29:05 Bet you didn't know that. I can save that. I know. Crypt. Poco. Poco. Poco, so why are you a little bitch? Why are you acting like you were forced to sleep on the couch when you chose that?

Starting point is 00:29:15 Sounds like you were too busy gording yourself in the fucking bedroom. Did you sleep in both beds when you were too fat? You had to come down to the one. Well, my feet needed their own bed. Please, I sleep outside. The mosquitoes bite me. You can't go in there. Louis is feeding. when you were too fat you had to come down to the water. Well my feet needed their own bed. Please I sleep outside the mosquitoes bite me. You can't go in there.

Starting point is 00:29:27 Louis is feeding. Nom nom nom nom. I have bugs for breakfast. Bug. Bug. B-F-I-F-O-F-O-G-S. I mean that's crazy. Oh my god. Damn, dude. You're gording now upsets me that I know someone had to sleep outside because of it.

Starting point is 00:29:53 Nobody had to sleep. Literally no. If they fell asleep outside it's because they were on drugs. Or they didn't have a place to go. That's not true. They literally, there's a hundred. Paco, why would you say that somebody slept outside? Because Paco likes the attention.

Starting point is 00:30:04 I'm asking Paco. Let me ask him. Pac? Because Paco likes the attention. I'm asking Paco. Let me ask him. Paco. Paco. Paco. Yeah. Why did you say somebody had to sleep outside? They did.

Starting point is 00:30:12 There wasn't enough beds. Wow. That's just a matter of fact. Paco, somebody had to sleep outside? Yes. And then they came in because it was too buggy and they slept on the floor. I was like, I got these bugs. Don't worry.

Starting point is 00:30:23 Om nom nom. You guys said there those bugs out here? Did someone say bugs? I don't know where all the mosquitoes went. We didn't pollinate the flowers this year. Something's happening, the earth is hurting, cause of a fat man. He ran out of bugs. I'm like a spider. Oh, he's not a natural predator. He's changed the ecosystem. Ha ha ha ha. Meanwhile, Paco's like, it's all right, brand new guy.

Starting point is 00:30:59 I'll sleep outside in the storm. Damn, Paco. Why you still lying little bitch? I don't think he is. I don't think he's lying. He sounds pretty a matter of fact. Pucko, somebody had to sleep outside. Nobody had to, but they didn't have beds.

Starting point is 00:31:12 Pucko, could they have slept on a cot or a couch? They could have, yeah, but. Yeah, so shut the fuck up. Stop acting like I forced people to sleep outside. There was literally cots and couches. Did you have a couch and a cot in your room? And a bed. In your villa, did you have a couch

Starting point is 00:31:30 that could pull out sofa? I don't know. Did you have a sofa? I did check it for bugs. There's no way he had two beds and no couches. He had a couch and a bed. You had a couch. I might have had a couch.

Starting point is 00:31:39 You had a couch and two beds. So there's three beds in your... I had that pesky sleeping room. There's 15 beds in the other two villas or 15 couches. But there's 17 people. Five cots that anybody could use on top of the fucking 12 bedrooms that people fucking. Sounds like you're caught in a lie. He got you.

Starting point is 00:31:59 Paco, that's the last time you'll ever come because you're a fucking liar. Don't do that. You're a liar. Why? Because you're eating all your bugs. You fucking creepy prick. And also quit do that. He's a liar. Why? Because he's eating all your bugs? You fucking groupie prick. And also he'll quit before next year I would hope. Paco goes, you know other jobs, they don't make you sleep outside? Paco's going to get a talk or two later.

Starting point is 00:32:17 Oh my God. I understand you're trying to be funny. You're trying to be funny. Can you not do it after the show? Like do it, call him later. I don't want to be around when you give him a talking to. Like let us all leave. Cause he really is just standing up for himself. Not himself, everybody.

Starting point is 00:32:34 He's being a hero of the people. Yeah, he's like. Paco's a man of the people. You're a bug eating lunatic. So have you fasted since then? I'm just back on keto. Sort of running again. Paco's a union buster. How did you run?

Starting point is 00:32:48 Was it just tough the first time? The first day, it was crazy. I went for a 20 minute jog. He had to go at dusk when the bugs came out. You just fucking sucked. He had to go out when the sun was going down. Were you just sloshing around when you started running? My whole stomach was just jiggling.

Starting point is 00:33:03 It was brutal. I'll never do it again. I'll never get whole stomach was just jiggling. It was brutal. I'll never do it again. I'll never get myself out of shape like that. It was crazy. Like spending a year working out, dieting right, fucking doing everything. But you did this before with Beatrice when you went away. We were doing old you-know-what dudes.

Starting point is 00:33:16 You were in, when you left, you were in the fucking top shape you've been in a long time. I mean, I remember you doing this, gaining weight like this. I know, I gain, cause I retain water when I eat salt and carbs. I retain a wild amount of water, so I have to fucking. Well everybody does.

Starting point is 00:33:31 Blush it all out. Yeah, but it's different, cause I used to weigh 350 pounds and you'd probably be the same thing. If you just fucking gorged yourself for four or five days, you'd get very bloated and fat. I have to be careful. When I go, I got a pho. Yeah, love pho.

Starting point is 00:33:43 It swells me the fuck up. Really? Yeah, because it's all sodium swells me the fuck up. Really? Yeah, because it's all sodium, it's all salt. You know? You weighed 350 pounds? Yeah. Damn, dude, you've been a problem on the D line. Dude, I weighed 360.

Starting point is 00:33:56 Wow. Whole circle. Bobby's 5'4". When I was on tour at Louis, I was such a fat tub of shit. All the photos keep coming up too. It makes me sick to my stomach. You know what's crazy about it now that you're down? You look like you were just wearing a fat suit.

Starting point is 00:34:10 My special, my last special. It looks like you're like, that's good makeup. I wish I could redo it. Afterwards you took it off and you're like, fuck that thing, I was sweating. I thought I looked good in that jacket too. Yeah, you were uncomfortable. I look like a beluga too. Yeah. Yeah, you're fucking uncomfortable.

Starting point is 00:34:25 I look like a beluga whale. Bring that up. That's what you meant. That's what you meant. Ah, but are beluga whales porpoises? Yeah. That's what I was kinda going for. No, they're not.

Starting point is 00:34:36 Are you sure? It's a whale. Are beluga whales porpoises? But are whales porpoises? I don't know. A porpoise is more like a dolphin. I'm gonna say no to defend myself, but I might be wrong. But I think a whale porpoise is more like a dolphin. I'm gonna say no to defend myself, but I might be right.

Starting point is 00:34:45 But I think a whale is in the same family as a dolphin. Fun fact. They have a little fucking hole in their head. All right, so does JFK. Hello, boys. Hey! Wow. I was just in Dallas, that's good.

Starting point is 00:34:55 Dolphins are a type of whale. Wow. What? That's not what we asked. Well, it is. We asked if fucking. He actually proved you right. No, but I understand. We asked if beluga whales are porpoises.

Starting point is 00:35:05 That was the question. Did you bring up beluga whale? Are beluga whales porpoises? No belugas and norwals are toothed whales, not dolphins or porpoises. There you go, you were wrong. Okay. That's just kind of like Bobby,

Starting point is 00:35:22 the one that's looking right at the camera. Yeah. Look at that guy. That's why I said it, beluga. Dude. That's what you meant. Okay. That's just kind of like Bobby, the one that's looking right at the camera. Look at that guy. That's why I said it. But look. Dude. That's what you meant. Yeah, well. Guys, let's take a moment to thank Vaya

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Starting point is 00:35:42 He's doing Vaya gummies and factor brownies. Guy's filled with our sponsors right now. I'll tell you right now, genuinely, I use them to sleep. They have the Sleepy Time ones that are fucking incredible. They also have other ones that have great supplements mixed in like B12 or reishi mushrooms. Really great products overall over at Viahemp. And we really love them.

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Starting point is 00:36:21 Well, do you see how I stop and then I give an edit? You went, oh, America. I'm a pro. You go, sucked. Well, do you see how I stop and then I give an edit? You went, oh, America. You go, oh, America. US of A, baby. You seeing it? Trusted by over a half a million happy customers for their wellness needs, Viya is the brand everyone's raving about.

Starting point is 00:36:36 So if you're 21 plus, check out the link to Viya's website in our description. And you're going to get 15% off, which is pretty incredible. And Bobby, even if you use them. I really do. And how do they make Do you use them? You use them. I really do. And how do they make you feel? They make me feel great.

Starting point is 00:36:47 I take them to go to sleep at night. If you don't have THC, you can still take advantage of their CBD line, Bobby. That's what I was bringing up with products. That's not drugs. No, it's designed for sleep, focus, energy. It's not the drug part of weed. Yeah, Bobby.

Starting point is 00:37:00 It's the CBD part. You're fine. I'm not, I need one. Well, their products range from zero milligrams, which is definitely nothing, to 100 milligrams of THC. Which'll get you fucking zoned. Do you want to see some dead family members? It's affordable and accessible, quality ingredients,

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Starting point is 00:37:30 That was Viya. Can you do that in a Desi Rhodes voice? Unleash the green and live the American dream. Dweem. Dweem. With Viya. All right, where were we? Would you swim in water that had

Starting point is 00:37:45 killer whales swimming in it? No, I've watched that documentary where that fucking orca takes that trainer to the bottom of the black fish. I'm talking like in the open sea, like go down spearfishing. They're killer whales. They're called killer whales for a reason.

Starting point is 00:37:58 But I mean, I've swam in the Puget Sound and orcas go through there. That's up in? Washington. Yeah, yeah. In Washington, yeah. I would never, the fucking, that's why I like lakes. I don't wanna swim in the fucking ocean. Lakes got gross and murky.

Starting point is 00:38:12 Yeah, but there's no fucking. I swim in them also. There's nothing in there that's killer. Bob, you like Lando lakes? It's butter. Paco's trying to get back in the graces. Good one, good one, boss. Good one, man. Good one, man.

Starting point is 00:38:25 Oh, man. You know what actually, you know what? You know what? Rips guys sleeping outside. It's pretty cool. Oh, Paco, we're going to talk today. Oh, Paco. Paco's going to get a phone call.

Starting point is 00:38:36 I'm feeling the anxiety. So there's two new guys. I was like, put the two new guys in the cots. I'm over here. I'm over here. No, thank you. And then Paco volunteered his bed to one the two new guys in the cots. I'm over here like. No thank you. And then Paco volunteered his bed to one of the new guys and then he fucking blames me for making everyone sleep outside. Hey thanks man. Please don't bring this up on any podcast. Paco goes I wouldn't do that.

Starting point is 00:38:57 Look at this. No record of wild killer whales fatally attacking humans. There have been four human deaths caused by interactions with captive orcas. There it is. Yeah, you're fine. That was it. And you know what, did you actually watch that documentary? I'll swim. It was pretty interesting, the way they said the killer whales all have their own dialect.

Starting point is 00:39:15 So what happened was they put them in the same, they'd capture them and they'd put them in the same tank. They didn't know how to communicate with each other, so they started going fucking crazy, because they would communicate with each other by fucking. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I'm not understanding a goddamn thing you're saying. I'm gonna kill somebody. So they started going fucking crazy because they would they would communicate with each other by fucking I'm not understanding a goddamn thing. You're gonna kill somebody. I'm gonna fucking snap murder this little tiny person That gives me a shit ton of fish when I was in Maui. I went in the water and I heard whales

Starting point is 00:39:36 Bobby speaks well Crazy they go this one doesn't speak my tongue. When you go, you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? Do you know what? When you go into the water, you can hear,

Starting point is 00:39:52 and it fucking scares the shit out of you. Seriously? Yeah. I never thought about that. Bobby started talking back naturally. Hey, dude. Hey, dude. That's unbelievable.

Starting point is 00:40:02 They're using sonar to fucking track what's in the water to hunt shit and it goes right through the, they were far out but you can still. That is fucking crazy. It's scary as shit. I went swimming with sharks in Hawaii. Pool sharks, it's much dudes in jeans shorts. He said Hawaii.

Starting point is 00:40:19 Peace games. Peace games, peace games, I'm gonna shark Hawaii. Where'd you go shark Hawaii. Hawaii. What kind of shark? What? Like a lemon shark? What kind of shark? No, lemon shark.

Starting point is 00:40:30 Tiger sharks. No, he didn't. I swear to God, we were in a big cage. It was in the ocean. It was terrifying. You went in a shark cage? Went in a shark cage. Wow.

Starting point is 00:40:38 Wow. That's wild. It was fucking terrifying. And then when you're in the cage, the waves are, because you're in the middle of the fucking ocean. Sure. Right, and the waves are like crazy. You're like banging into the thing, and you could put when you're in the cage, the waves are, because you're in the middle of the fucking ocean. Sure. Right. And the waves are like crazy. You're like banging into the thing and you could put your arm out of the cage and a shark will just tear your fucking arm off.

Starting point is 00:40:51 It's not like it's like, do the sharks wait around the cage going, dare you? Do they wait for you to like pop your arm out? Maybe. I don't know. The one with the great white great white went into the cage and got stuck. It was trying to get out, but through the cage. No, no, no. I just pop those jaws. No, no, no. This is a real footage. You see the one where they put the great into the shark and shot. That video. But swear to God, there's a video. The great white goes in the between the thing gets stuck. But your name is a lot of those two. Do you guys see this? I'll bring it up. Do you see this island that this scientist created I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

Starting point is 00:41:25 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

Starting point is 00:41:32 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

Starting point is 00:41:39 I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Yeah, and the guy it's in the cage and the guys come up out of the fucking cage too frothy buddy What was that red? I don't know

Starting point is 00:41:50 Let's see that part Look at these fucking staff members being like get him out of the fucking cage. Oh My god, that's a lot of blood. Yeah, it was hurt itself. It's the fish blood. Yeah, it's a fish. That's not snowflake But there's somebody in there. Is this the one? I think it's a different one. There's a guy in the cage. Is that fucking nuts?

Starting point is 00:42:14 You go in the cage. You go in the cage. Cage goes in the water. Cage goes in the water. Dude, that shit is fucking actually scary. Yeah, I would never find. The ocean is fucked up. Are there guys that are saying that isn't scary? Is anyone that's going like whatever war boring? Whatever, bro?

Starting point is 00:42:29 Well, there's a lady that swims with great white sharks. She jumps in and swing for now swims alongside them I'm gonna be careful that fucking nuts. I'm just gonna say four days a month. She doesn't you know? Hey, you're trying to be in a bitch I wouldn't get in the water to four days a month until she's 49 and then she can swim cuz that dies Then she can live there forever. Yeah, that lady's crazy, swimming with the great whites. You know how they say to get rid of a great white shark is- Punch him in the nose.

Starting point is 00:42:55 That's like a myth. Can't get any fucking good punch speed underwater, dude. Does anyone do a bit about that? Do you have a bit about it? I said, does anyone do a bit about that? I don't know. What do people do? I think a lot of people have that bit.

Starting point is 00:43:06 So you're being sarcastic? Yeah. So you're waiting for us to say, eh, and then you're gonna go, you're an idiot? No, I thought everyone would be like this, oh yeah, I've heard that. Do you know what you do? What do you do?

Starting point is 00:43:16 You pick a shark up out of the water and drown it. Try to go. It goes, ah, ah, ah, ah. Stop, stop, I can't breathe, Joe. If he knows your name, Joe, stop. If you turn a shark upside down, it freezes. What? Like cold? It just literally stops. It's really chilly.

Starting point is 00:43:33 Orchards, the way the orchard. It turns on. My God. An orchard. It was so cold. He heard this from Killer Whale. No, Kill the Whales, the way they kill the shark, and they hit it, and they get it upside down, and when the shark is upside down, it fucking goes paralyzed.

Starting point is 00:43:48 Like a turtle? Yeah, look, right there, see? Temporal is the new Jamie. Yeah, there it is right there. Temporary inactivity. Tonic immobility. Immobility, yeah. That was me in Jamaica.

Starting point is 00:43:57 If you just turn me upside down, I was like, whoa, he goes, no, sleep in his bed. He's asleep. Sleep in his beds, plural. Are you going to get to the- Was someone in my feeding bed? He has a feeding bed upstairs in the M&M's. Hey, I went upstairs to feed.

Starting point is 00:44:10 It looks like someone laid down in my feeding bed. He just, he shit in one bed and he fed in the other. So do you have a fun fact or is it a bit or what? No, you grab it, but put it near the shark coming toward me. This isn't gonna go well. Hey, dude. Hey, dude, hey, dude, hey, dude, hey, dude, hey, dude, hey, dude, hey, dude, hey, dude, hey, dude, dude. But putting you the short coming toward me this isn't gonna go well You grab by his head and go That's no you guide it the other way that is that is this right you got it the other way That is the Steven Seagal way of fighting where you just flood your hand alligators to don't tell me about gator

Starting point is 00:44:40 Alligators have the strong light and the animal kingdom don't't come over here and tell me how a gator's gonna roll around on you. I've been witness on some bitches down in the park. Don't go over here and tell me you control a gator by moving his face. This bit has dust on it. I'm not gonna, fuck him. And people fucking miss him. I'll say you right now, I told Joe DeRosa, fuck you. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:45:02 It's a great voice. Thank you. Thanks Bobby. I'm not saying it's not great, I'm saying I haven't heard it in a long time. Yes. Dan, neck kisses. We're getting crazy. This is out of control. But also, probably use another coffee run. And we're going to make sure it's Paco, you fucking dumb piece of shit. Yeah, you need Joe. Trading. Paco! Paco's running, Danny's not here. Trading motherfucker. Paco! Where the fuck is Danny?

Starting point is 00:45:28 Who comes up with the topics and prints them out? Joe's taking the place. We've never looked at the page. It's like Letterman. He's at a gun range. Danny's at a gun range practicing. Folks, a black female high school track athlete, oh I heard about this, hits her opponent with a baton,

Starting point is 00:45:40 faces misdemeanor charge, cries on social media later, saying you're physically hurt, but you're not thinking of my mental health. Wow. That's a story. Isn't that funny? It's pretty funny. Did she whack the lady and then she went.

Starting point is 00:45:52 She was like in a race, and she's just beating the lady over the head with a baton, and then afterwards she was like, why isn't anyone worried about my mental health? It was pretty good moves. She goes, I didn't mean to do that, and you go, we have the video. And she's like, I know, but I'm crazy.

Starting point is 00:46:04 She like fucking bonked her, and then was like, I don't know, do that. And you go, we have the video. And she's like, I know, but I'm crazy. She like fucking bonked her and then was like, I don't know, I was just running. What happened? Must be though this instinct where you're like, ah, this chick's going to beat me. And you just fucking crack her in the head. It's soap opera bad.

Starting point is 00:46:16 Yeah, but she didn't do it right. If she hit her and she went out, she still lost. Dude, she immediately got hit. That lady, the lady that got hit got off the track. She was like, what the fuck? And then that video, she's like, click, click, click, talking through her spit cries. She's like, I'm just glad it was a black chick she hit,

Starting point is 00:46:33 not some white girl, some white trans athlete. She goes, hey, I was ahead of you, and you fucking hit me with that. Here it is, let's go to the clip. This is crazy. I mean, this girl passes her and then boom! She whacked her on the fucking. Then she tried to make it like that was her movement.

Starting point is 00:46:51 Did you see it? She was gonna stop and hit her more. Boom. I mean, that's pretty wild. She hit her in the head. Then she stops like, I'm gonna give her some more action. Maybe Anthony Cummings is right. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:47:01 Whoa. Bonk. About Opie? Then she's like, what the fuck? And then you're right, that girl was doing the thing where she's like, no, this is just how I do it. Yeah, she was doing that. Oh, no, this is how I smash people in the face. But I think that it was like a natural weird, weird, like, like almost instinct where she was just like, fucking this person's passing me. Right. I was, it was internal. Don't let this person win. She said, oh, hell no. I believe you better believe that.

Starting point is 00:47:30 I mean, it's like get out of here with the topic. She just own it. She's like, yeah, I fucked up and lost my brain. Pass me again. Yeah. Pass me again. See if you don't get bonked. Put me out there. I'm going to hit whoever gets in front of me. What does that mean? We're not getting coffees. You can pull up.

Starting point is 00:47:46 We don't need we don't need you to pull up. This isn't a TV show. This is a podcast. Paco, next year you're actually sleeping outside, just so you know. What happened? He's actually sleeping outside next year. Why?

Starting point is 00:47:55 Because he's a fucking lost Paco. Because he's got great legs. Filipinos have. Because he rides a scooter around. Filipinos have unbelievable legs. The leg strength. No Paco is fucking, Paco is pretty jacked. Yeah I'll just take a meatball. Pacinos have unbelievable legs. The leg strength. No Paco's fuckin', Paco's pretty jacked. Yeah, I'll just take a medium.

Starting point is 00:48:07 Paco, did you get your plane ticket yet for this week? Oh shit. Medium, where you guys going? I'm texting him. What is this? Who the fuck is he? Where you taking Paco, you fuckin' producer stealer? Paco, I'm texting him.

Starting point is 00:48:20 I wouldn't steal a producer. He's not producing anything for us. What are you doing? He's opening it for me and Jay. For you and Jay? But Pac for us. What are you doing? He's opening it for me and Jay. For you and Jay? Yeah. But Paco stinks. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:48:28 What? I mean, he literally forced himself on us. Paco's not funny. No, you're very funny, Paco. Paco's also a great opener. Do you go by Paco on stage? Yeah. People know him as Paco.

Starting point is 00:48:39 His real name is William Pacaro. But the Pacaro and Paco has nothing to do with his last name. I know. It's weird. It is strange. Very odd. His name is William Pacaro. But the Pacaro and Paco has nothing to do with his last name. I know, it's weird, it is strange. I'll do a medium, everything the same except. I just texted you my order, baby. Except one pump of sugar-free vanilla. I'm good, buddy, thanks.

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Starting point is 00:49:33 Oh, you're right. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'd say that. Because you're negative Nellie sometimes. I mean, what? Well, you know what? You're getting positive, because you're aware of your horse shit, which I commend. Real ass dude.

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Starting point is 00:50:49 Oh, that was good. I was like, what bads about to happen? And then it was good. They have boutique cigars. Yep, boutique. You'll never know. You won't be able to find. Most cigar lounges or cigar stores have the same thing.

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Starting point is 00:52:25 God, you just got me turned on. Dan Kent in common was being yelled at by Bobby. Oh fuck, what did I do, Bobby? Was it nothing? Dude, get off your fucking phone. That was the energy you used to have, you know that? Let's get some topics. Buddy, you gotta stand.

Starting point is 00:52:37 Can I just say something about this for a second? Joe. I wanna say something about this for you. You were a cruel, vicious asshole. No, no, it's not. You were, first of all, Dan. You wanna apologize for the way you acted? I wanna say, Dan, look at me. Before you say. Ever for you. You were a cruel, vicious asshole. No, no, it's not. You were- You want to apologize for the way you acted? I want to say, Dan, look at me.

Starting point is 00:52:46 Never to you. Never to me. Never to you. Never to me. It was great. No, there was some abuse. Never to you, Dan. But I liked it.

Starting point is 00:52:54 Dan. Dan. Dan. Okay, yeah. He abused me. Dan, look at me. Look at me. Dan, look at me.

Starting point is 00:53:02 He's here abusing him right now. Never abused. Never. Joe? What? Once in a while. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, once in a while, you were a cunt. I mean, these are all recorded, so. Yeah. You?

Starting point is 00:53:09 All the time. Because you were a fuckin', you were the, out of the three children that I had at the time. The real last dude. Yeah, you were the bad one. I was the bad one. You were the bad one. You were a bad boy, dude.

Starting point is 00:53:20 You were the bad boy. You were so bad. You were sexually harassing Kelly and then. I wasn't sexually harassing Kelly. F-f-f-fat. I mean, that's how you got Shannon to work for you. I didn't sexually harass. Shannon came in here to be an intern.

Starting point is 00:53:31 I did sexually harass Shannon. You did? Shannon started here. Yes, she came in. She came in for the intern contest, along with Robbie Bernstein. And I took- Whoa.

Starting point is 00:53:38 I took Deepu. Deepu, like a fucking- Listen, Deepu fucking- Deepu was better than all of them. Learned how to do four camera shoot with webcams and a Xbox remote. That's some fuckin' crazy shit. Boy, there's been a lot of setups for this show. We were over there, we were back in that way.

Starting point is 00:53:55 We had to put curtains up to make it look like a room. Remember that? It was curtains for us all. It was blankets. And how many people have, how many producers have we had? Gabby, Paco, Chris Scby Paco Chris Scopo. Chris Scopo. Deepu. Kelly. Kelly was the OG. She was the original. Yeah. Yeah. Kelly then Deepu. That's Scopo. It wasn't Scopo. Scopo was after Deepu.

Starting point is 00:54:16 And then Gabby. What a tush on that. None of these people knew how to produce except for Deepu. None of them had a technical bone in their body. Yeah, they're all just like... Deepu was good. Except fucking Kelly had a Dan's technical bone in their body. What do you mean? It's not true. What are you talking about? Rumors.

Starting point is 00:54:32 Rumor has it... And now we have four people. Do we? We had four people. Then one of them died. Now we got Paco putting his Filipino wiener in our coffee. Yeah. Not ours.

Starting point is 00:54:41 I'd be into that. Yeah, you would. Skidding. Skidding? Nobody had any tech. Now we have more technically skilled producers. But like, Gabby was just a hot chick. Bobby wanted tickets to Bon Jovi.

Starting point is 00:54:54 No. No, Gabby was good. Gabby put together, got all the guests. She organized everything. Gabby's about to pass us all in comedy. It's infuriating. I'm going to fucking, you got fake tits now? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:06 I'm gonna suck on them. Really? Wanna see a picture of them? You have a picture of her? No. What's wrong with you? She's like a daughter. I'd show you for that.

Starting point is 00:55:14 Not a daughter I'm related to. Bum. Like a stepdaughter. You know what? Do you still have her panties? Do you have a Scopa? Where's Scopa? I don't have her panties because I dated a girl

Starting point is 00:55:24 and she was like, why are there panties in your drawer? I was like, oh, that's my sleep mask. For my skin. I was like, oh, m-m-m-m-m. And I go, m-m-m-m-m. What's that? Where's Scopo? Where's Scopo?

Starting point is 00:55:37 Anybody know where Scopo is? Somewhere fucking. He's in Queens. I can't hear you. He's in Queens. He's in Queens. He's in Comedy. He's carrying around that wagon of an ass.

Starting point is 00:55:44 Yeah, I love Scopo. He's around, he's got carrying around that wagon of an ass. Yeah, I love scope. He's around He's got a hot mom. Yeah, I live with scope over a minute. You know, who's got a hot mom? Not me Joe She's hot. She's warm Dead cold. She's somewhere burning Joe Russell Joe Joe your mom right now Joe Russell. Joe Joe. Let me see your mom right now. Joe, bring up a picture of your mom right now. There's no pictures of her that exist.

Starting point is 00:56:09 Shut up. Bullshit. Smoking. There's no pictures of your mom that exists. No. Yeah. Joe, show us your mummy. I'm not showing Lewis my mom. That sounds like a rule. Damn, Lewis. Because he knows you go.

Starting point is 00:56:23 You know I'll fuck your mother. Yeah, he knows you're gonna go. Yeah, because I'll go fucking. It sounds like a rule. Damn, Louis, cause he knows you go hunting. That sounds like a rule. Cause you know I'll fuck your mother? Yeah, he knows you're gonna go hunting. Cause I'll go fucking. Sounds like a rule they give you in prison. Don't show pictures of your mom to Louis. Louis is gonna ask to see your mom. Don't show a picture. Fucking hunted for Joe Wilson's mom.

Starting point is 00:56:36 Don't show Louis your mother's pic. Please stick to the ladies and the girls that he's used to. Is that what you're doing? Waterfalls? Waterfalls, oh I see. Ah-ah! I climbed a waterfall in Jamaica. You climbed a waterfall?

Starting point is 00:56:53 A waterfall of taste in your room? Was it a chocolate waterfall? Were you asleep, dreaming of all the things you ate? And Bobby's right, you ate your way up a waterfall. Were they making cold cut sandwiches at the top? Was it a fat man's dream? It was everything, the water was made of chocolate. You get this one week to make fun of my fatness.

Starting point is 00:57:10 You love it. Do you see how great it is to make fun of your fatness? No, it hurts, and I feel bad doing it. You don't hurt my ankles right now. You can press them on. Dude, it's wild. Here's the thing, with your fat, I'll make a fat joke about a fat but a fat waterfall you just go you're fat

Starting point is 00:57:27 Yeah, yeah, there's nothing funny about it. I'm sorry. Do you think you're gonna be back to next episode? Do you think I'll be better? No way the best I've ever been by the next episode. What's the next episode next summer? Now how are you gonna get back? What are you guys? I'm maybe 10 pounds ever and boxing. Can you not get serious? We're joking. What are you going to do to get back? No, dude. Nobody had to sleep outside. Someone absolutely had to sleep outside. Slept outside. And here's the problem.

Starting point is 00:57:50 You set yourself up. Nobody talked about me behind my back. And he let you know just one thing that you had your own. You had three beds. That's so funny. You had a couch. That was a pole. Bobby, so if a couch counts as a bed, then you're going to have to get back.

Starting point is 00:58:02 You're going to have to get back. You're going to have to get back. You're going to have to get back. You're going to have to get back. You're going to have to get back. You're going to have to get back. You're going to have to get back. my back and he let you know just one thing that you had a your own you had three beds. That's so funny. You had a couch that was a pole. Bobby so if a couch counts as a bed then there's literally 13 other beds in the other villas that people could have used. Bobby I was just so define a bed as a couch again. I was couches aren't beds. I was replaying it in my head and Paco really. You have beautiful woman fingers. Thank you, I should have played the piano.

Starting point is 00:58:28 You should paint them. No. A semi-gloss. No. Okay. And we literally, we paid for fucking cots, so if they didn't use the cots, that's not bad. Dan?

Starting point is 00:58:37 I would have done it. The guy just watching it, watch you bang. As they're replaying it, Lewis goes, is anyone talking shit about me? And Paco goes, well no. And then you go, but. And then you went, we were talking about how you made people sleep.

Starting point is 00:58:50 What was the trip you didn't go on? He said you didn't go on a trip. Oh, they went to the Bioluminescent Bay. And what did you do? Prostitute? Stayed at home, I was too fresh. Mushy bars? Two is just float in the pool.

Starting point is 00:59:00 I was just at home, chilling, eating, ate a little bit. You think the people all really love you? I got thirds on breakfast and dinner every night. What are you, a hobbit? Who the fuck eats thirds on breakfast? Third. You just went back for thirds? He got hobbed.

Starting point is 00:59:16 They go, you can't do this. I want thirds. We're at the boogs. We don't, you ate all the eggs and the bugs. We don't even have lava. There's no more spiders. There's nothing to eat. Gotta go dig it up. See him chewing on a sloth in the jungle.

Starting point is 00:59:41 Would you ask? I don't know. I asked, do you think that your employees really like you? Because it sounded like they were bummed you didn't go. Yeah. ask? I don't know. I asked, do you think your employees really like you? Because it sounded like they were bummed you didn't go. Yeah. It sounds like they adore you. It sounded like they wanted to hang. They love me.

Starting point is 00:59:50 Yeah. Yeah, I know they do. No, they all went to the Biomedicine Bay. I was just fucking tired. What is that, by the way? It's where you go in the water. There's no idea, he was eating. No, I've done it in Puerto Rico.

Starting point is 00:59:58 Subway. What is it? Were you thinking about all the food you ate? They, no, it's like little like fucking, fucking glowy microorganisms in the water. That's why you didn't go because you would have ate them. Hey are these neon flavor? Are these neon sours? Oh they taste like white.

Starting point is 01:00:16 So the one thing is don't talk or give him the man's berry in his face in the water. They have no more glow. They don't suck all the glowing bugs. It's just a regular bay. I smile when you throw a clown. You're radioactive. Look at how the fat man ate all the glowing body. You took away a tourist attraction. That thing was graced to us by the gods above and you went and ate it all. You gross fat fuck. You goblin. What you doing you crazy Puerto Rican goblin. They wouldn't let him go.

Starting point is 01:00:54 That's so fucking funny. You guys can go but he must stay here. Hold on, hold on. That was a great Jamaican accent Bobby. You know sometimes when you bring the fat one, they eat the glow worms. Bobby sounds like the lady that had the brain injury and talks in a Chinese accent. Too wordy.

Starting point is 01:01:11 Tell me you've seen her. Tell me you've seen that lady. It's too wordy, dude. We can't pull it up. It was too wordy, dude. God damn it. It was a good one. You had it and then you fucking.

Starting point is 01:01:21 You Puerto Rican goblin. You're Puerto Rican goblin. You be eating everything. You eat the bioluminescence. You put them in the water, the bugs is gone. He's calling fish bugs. The Americans is calling fish. The river doesn't glow anymore.

Starting point is 01:01:44 It's so funny. You really, and then you wouldn't go on a boat The bugs. They put a, the Jamaicans just call them fit. I love it. The river doesn't glow anymore. It's so funny. You really, and then you wouldn't go on a trip with them. You made them sleep outside. Yeah. You're a cult leader. Did you make them give them your women?

Starting point is 01:01:57 Jamaican. Whoa. Wasn't funny as much as it was good. Isn't it weird that the Jamaican accent and the Irish accent, same accent. We were on St. Patrick's Day doing Jamaican. God't it the Jamaican accent and the Irish accent, same accent? We were on St. Patrick's Day doing Jamaican. God damn it. But it's really the same accent.

Starting point is 01:02:09 Is it? Is it? Yeah. That's why there's all those Irish names in Jamaica. Oh, because they stopped in... Puerto Rican Goblin. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:17 Like Bobby's actually sounded as Irish as it did Jamaican. Puerto Rican Goblin. He's not wrong in fucking Irish accent. He's in far off. It is. It's pretty similar. Kind of a... It's not even close to the same, he's in far off. It's pretty similar. Kind of a similar thing. It's not even close to the same. It's kind of a similar thing.

Starting point is 01:02:28 Google it, pull it up. Also Jamaica's not owned by Ireland, it was owned by England. Whoa! The Irish and the Mexicans. Up until the 70s. Irish fought with the Mexicans? So they had Irish slaves were brought there. Did you know that?

Starting point is 01:02:38 The Irish fought with the Mexicans against America in the Mexican War? Whoa! A war that didn't need to be started but we just wanted California. That's right. Look it up. And the Irish fought with the Mexicans.

Starting point is 01:02:47 I think it was Harrison or Pope. You know my theory, Irish and Mexican, very, very similar people. Yeah. They're all cops and firemen in construction. They're short, they're dirty. Family oriented, hard working, drinking, blue collar, Catholic.

Starting point is 01:03:01 Make kids at a fucking crazy pace. I always thought it was funny that like Boston Irish people would be like, yeah, these fucking Mexicans, I'm like, you're the same. They're exactly the same. Exactly the same. Mexicans and Irish, very similar. Yeah. You're all right there.

Starting point is 01:03:13 We have statues of Irish people in Mexico City because of the war. Wow. How about that? That's a fun fact. Pull up Jamaican and Irish. Patrice O'Neill. He's from Jamaica. Is Patrice Jamaican? Irish. Patrice O'Neil is from Jamaica. Is Patrice Jamaican?

Starting point is 01:03:27 I don't think so. No, Patrice is named after Patrice Mumumbo. What? I think it's a- The basketball player? No, it's an African leader is what he's named after. It was just a girl's name. Who was I listening to?

Starting point is 01:03:37 Was it Greg Fitzsimmons talking about Patrice had a stage name when he first started? Yeah, it was Bruiser, right? It was Bruiser. That's fucking awesome. It was Bruiser because he was a door guy. He was a door guy at the comedy He was a bruiser. That's fucking awesome. He was a bruiser because he was a door guy. Yeah. He was a door guy at the comedy convention at Faneuil Hall.

Starting point is 01:03:47 And then he got on stage one night and started doing stand-up. He did a comedy competition. The fuck. I forget what it was. It was him, Burr, and me, and Dane. God damn. And Alan the Monkey.

Starting point is 01:04:01 Holy shit. Yeah. That was the competition? Yeah, we won. Was he one of the monkeys? Wow. Come on, folks. And then the next year, Burr won.

Starting point is 01:04:12 Burr won it, yeah. That's crazy just to see that group of young comics. Yeah, Patrice was funny out of the gate, though. He was fucking hilarious. Yeah, me, him, we used to hang out every night till 3, and one of us had to drive Patrice back to the projects every night. Really?

Starting point is 01:04:27 Either Burr or me or Dane. Did you guys have to draw straws? Usually Burr. Burr had a red Toyota pickup truck, I think it was, or maybe it was a Ford. You know, just to say that. That was the same. Folks.

Starting point is 01:04:38 And he would drive him into the projects and then Patrice would talk to you an hour at his house and you were just nervous. You go, can I go? They're circling the mall. You're gonna drive out of the door, chance to go to Roxbury, where the fuck he lived, it was terrifying.

Starting point is 01:04:50 So funny. Roxbury, Roxbury! Are you having a stroke? Do it, do it, Jamaica, the Irish. Why can't you do the voices? Roxbury! No! Fuck Roxbury!

Starting point is 01:05:01 What the fuck you doing over there? Roxbury! Snipe! That's Irish. You don't know the accents? Roxbury. Snipe. That's Irish. You don't know how to do accents? Roxbury. I'm boots on the ground, brother. Yeah, dude, he's the accent guy, you're the sniper guy.

Starting point is 01:05:10 I know what I'm saying. Imagine Den sort of sniping. I go, nice shoes. Snipers. Let me snipe again. Yeah, cool that, I call it a sweater, not a fuckin' loser. Fucking Roxbury. Hello, sniper.

Starting point is 01:05:23 We all gotta switch roles. Hold on, I'm sniping. Fuck you, you stupid idiot, you fat, bald, bald cocksucker. Yeah, fat fucking pieces of shit. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, we're not doing this. I never was. We can't both be Louis. Guys, guys, guys. Let's all be Louis.

Starting point is 01:05:41 Hey guys! No, no, that's not it. Fuck you, dude. That's Paco! You stupid fucking piece of shit. Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, I'm stunted in my childhood. Help me. Help me. I'll be Bobby now. Dan, I've been here for 30 fucking years. We never did Reeds. I was the first podcast. Let's do Joe.

Starting point is 01:06:09 Everyone just be hilarious. You got a brownie? Folks, folks. Can I get some tea? Not for nothing, but my tea's not bad. I've never said not for nothing. I'm just saying, I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

Starting point is 01:06:17 I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Everyone just be hilarious. You got a brownie? Folks! Folks!

Starting point is 01:06:26 I've never said not for nothing ever in my life. Literally never said not for nothing. This is a good bit where we're all one of us at the same time. I don't know folks, I don't know if that's a hat that fits. Folks! Let's go back to Dan. I agree. I agree. I agree. I agree. Oh, I'm hoping for the full... Ah! Ah!

Starting point is 01:06:47 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Ah! Ah! Listen. Listen up. Listen up. Alright, let's take a break. Let's talk about our sponsors this week. I'll do the whole fucking ad. I'll just read right through it and then give you guys shit for not reading even though I never talk. Let's all be Joe. I'm a passive aggressive dick. I fucking don't really say what I really

Starting point is 01:07:09 mean. Let's be Lewis. I gotta be Lewis in order to fucking. Let's be Lewis in Jamaica. Can I eat that? Is this gone? Lewis! Lewis! I'm not, I'm not. Sleep outside! You sleep outside! Everybody sleeps outside! I'm in my feeding bag. Let's do Bobby in the 2000-2010s. Same impression. Oh. Okay.

Starting point is 01:07:38 Guys, that was a good bit. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's calm it down. Kiss us on the neck, Danny. I agree. Little us on the neck. Kiss us on the neck, Danny. I agree. Little tongue in the air. Now whisper something. Hey, I agree with you. I like that. I always agree with you.

Starting point is 01:07:54 Should we do fucking plugs here or what? Oh yeah, plug it up. We can't because Paco's gone and Paco's the one that brings it up. You can bring it up on your own. We know our dates. You know your own. We know our shit.

Starting point is 01:08:03 Yeah, we don't know my fucking shit. Get know your own way. We know our shit. Yeah. Get it going, dog. What do you got, Joe? I got a movie coming out in cinemas across the country starting on April 25th. It's gay porn. I don't have it pulled up, though. I actually don't know. It's Portrait of a Comedian, Tom Dustin.

Starting point is 01:08:18 Tom Dustin, Portrait of a Comedian coming out in theaters here in New York City. It'll be at the Quad Cinema for a week starting on April 25th. It's also going to be in Atlanta at the Midtown Arts Center, Cambridge, Kendall Square, KS9. It's going to be the River Oaks Theater in Houston. I mean everywhere. San Francisco, Los Angeles, Grand Rapids, Boston, San Francisco, Philadelphia, Chicago. San Francisco? Yes.

Starting point is 01:08:48 Gonna be super gay. The Lark Theater, all over, please go see it in the theaters, it's a great fucking film. I'm excited for people to go and see it in the theater. And I have a new special coming out, that's gonna be in theaters as well. Also. Is the special gonna be released primarily in the theaters first and then YouTube?

Starting point is 01:09:07 Yeah. That's sick. It's exciting. What's the name of the special? Small Ball. Small Ball. And then Minneapolis, April 10th through the 12th, Act Me, and of course the Wilbur Theater, April 19th, that's almost sold out, so act fast.

Starting point is 01:09:20 Punch Up Live. Punch Up.Live. Punch Up.Live.com. Joe List. Danny Frankel. PunchUp Live. PunchUp.live. PunchUp.com. PunchUpLive.com. Joe List. Danny Frankel. I will be at the Funny Bone in Richmond, Virginia,

Starting point is 01:09:30 April 4th and 5th, doing four shows there, and then gonna be on the road doing some shows with old Shane Gilli, and then I'll be in Spokane, Washington, at the Spokane Comedy Club, May 1st through the 3rd. If you live in Albany, New York, I'm gonna be at the Eggokane Comedy Club, May 1st through the 3rd. If you live in Albany, New York, I'm gonna be at the Egg, May 15th. Egg's egg.

Starting point is 01:09:51 The Egg. Oh! And then I'm gonna be at the Flynn Theater in Burlington, Vermont, April, or May 16th. So it's May 15th in Albany, May 16th in Burlington, Vermont. DanSoder.com for live updates. Please listen to Soder and subscribe to my YouTube channel. Thank you very much.

Starting point is 01:10:09 Louis? Come see me this weekend, South Bend, Indiana on Friday, Saturday, Raleigh, North Carolina on Sunday. Then I got a little Canadian run next weekend. Woo! Another one? St. Catharines, Ontario, London, Ontario, Windsor, Ontario, Burlington, Ontario.

Starting point is 01:10:22 Philadelphia, my birthday weekend. I'm going to be at the Nashville Comedy Festival, we're doing story wars, four separate shows, North Charleston, South Carolina after that, lots of stuff, that's just before the first week of April. Come see me on the road, go to lewisofskanks.com, grab those tickets, get tickets for my special taping on July 12th with the great Robert Kelly directing me, which I'm very excited about,

Starting point is 01:10:38 and get your Skank Fest tickets on May 2nd. Gonna be the biggest skank fest we've ever fucking done. Check out all my other pods, lead you to Skanks, Lewis & The Cubs, and then we'll excited about. And get your Skankfest, I guess on May 2nd. It's going to be the biggest Skankfest we've ever fucking done. Check out all my other pods. It'll lead you to Skanks, Lewis and Zach Show, Story Wars, and sign up for my mailing list to get my solo podcast, the Lewis Journal podcast, only available for subscribers.

Starting point is 01:10:58 Just go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly and sign up over there. All my dates are up there. My special's up there. My old special, Live from the Village Underground, is going over there. All my dates are up there, my special's up there. My old special, Live from the Village Underground is going up there. And if you wanna go to youtube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy to watch all my clips. I've got a bunch of standup up there.

Starting point is 01:11:17 Go subscribe to that and that's it. And check out my other shows. I got a couple of podcasts, Bone to Pick and of course Bonfire. But if you're listening here, you're a priority listening there. So there's no need to go into it. All right, we're back.

Starting point is 01:11:29 We got coffee, we're all juiced up. Yeah, we are. We're fucking jacked up, bro. Ready to go. Fucking meow! Oh, look at that! Whoa! Another cookie?

Starting point is 01:11:39 Wow, somebody's. Whoa! What are you? Do you think I want a cookie? Let's get fat. Let's get fat. Damn. Let's get fat. He doesn't need a cookie, you asshole.

Starting point is 01:11:47 Thank you, though, bitch. I just put my thumb in his ankle and the imprint's still there. That call's still coming from Louis. Paco thought that cookie was going to get him out of that call. No. You're getting that call, buddy. How dare you, Paco.

Starting point is 01:11:57 Wow. How dare you paint me as a greedy person? I've spent tens of thousands of dollars bringing you cocksuckers to Jamaica. It wasn't even the company that said. Me and Ralph just took it out of our fucking pockets. Tens of thousands of dollars bringing you cocksuckers to Jamaica Wasn't even the company this I mean Ralph just took it out of her fucking pockets tens of thousands. Yeah, how much? We 20k total. It's pretty crazy Maybe a little more actually Why you could have put that towards the movie?

Starting point is 01:12:19 What movie making another movie about Lewis in Skankfest. Called Bug-Eater. I don't have a name yet. I didn't want to like it, but I liked it. That's why it's called Bug-Eater. I put it Australian. I didn't even get it. I thought Bug-Eater, I thought it was like a Spanish. It's about a man that eats bugs.

Starting point is 01:12:37 In a world where a Puerto Rican eats bugs. If you landed on an island that made you fat. That's really good. you might eat bugs. When a man runs out of options. Why don't you make a living doing voice acting? I do voice acting, Joe, but you don't. Hold on, do it like the In A World guy. Answer him.

Starting point is 01:12:59 He just did that. If Joe cared about his friend, he'd know it's been going on. In a world where Joe cares about his friend. In a world where Joe... I'm sorry, Bobby, do you make a living voice acting? Why are you gonna throw me in this fucking... I'm asking you.

Starting point is 01:13:17 I gotta ask all my friends now. That's the only way to know. You don't tell me. You've never said that. I'm kidding. I'm supposed to just ask you randomly? Joe, you're upset, I was just kidding. Lewis, do you do voice acting?

Starting point is 01:13:27 In a world where Joe can take a joke. Joe takes it too seriously. When Joe throws everybody under the bus. I just saw that in voice acting. But do you make a big crazy living? In a world where Joe is still angry past the point where he can be happy. In a world where Joe is taking it too literally.

Starting point is 01:13:44 In a bit. Joe is taking you too literally. In a bit. Where Joe goes nuts. So you don't make money voicing. No I didn't. But I don't make money. In a world where Joe won't let go. Are you on Lunch Bob? No I'm not.

Starting point is 01:13:56 Are you on fucking Burger Bob? In a world where Joe is trying to make a point that no one cares about. In a world where there's a bit that doesn't end, because Joe can't take it. So Lewis, I'm a bad friend of Dan. Why don't you name some of the shows that Dan has done? In a world where Joe tries to pit his friends against each other. I'm just wondering.

Starting point is 01:14:22 There are no friends where Joe is stuck in a pit Lewis, what are some of the programs In a world where Joe is endlessly stuck I'll leave This episode I will leave And then we'll see where your guys are Then where will you be?

Starting point is 01:14:39 This might be our I don't mean to take Joe's thing This might be our best episode No Bug eater Bug eater and Joe are not getting out of a pit I don't mean to take Joe's thing. This might be our best episode of all. This might be our best one. No. Bug eater and Joe are not getting out of a pit. No, no, no. What's Soder's social security number?

Starting point is 01:14:55 What's some projects you've done, Voiceman? Wow. I don't know any. One man. I know about the Romcom. I know about a cartoon on Netflix. In a world where Dan gives up because he feels bad for a friend.

Starting point is 01:15:04 He's throwing his friend a bone One man there's an animated show On Netflix called paradise PD that I did some I love paradise. You don't even know it exists I know about it. Don't you have an animation coming out? I sold a show to Fox, but if it becomes an actual show, we'll see, we're developing it in Fox. You gonna send your friends some auditions? Yeah, the whole voiceover. In a world!

Starting point is 01:15:32 That's pretty good, right? I just want that moment frozen in my brain forever. Give me a voice. Hold on, I'm trying to save that moment because Joe did it anyway. Give me a character, give me a voice. I've been doing a lot of that. Right now, you're a pumpkin,

Starting point is 01:15:47 but you're from an inner city. Shit, motherfucker, I got these seeds all up in my ass. I'll fucking spit these seeds in your face, motherfucker. This is good. Blah, blah. This is good. You're a parrot who is from Sri Lanka. Oh, hello, I'm a parrot, I got colorful wings hello. Alright, Louis. Alright, your

Starting point is 01:16:09 cup of coffee. You're a cup of coffee from France. Oh I'm black unless you put white cream in me then I'm a better color. He's a gay cup of coffee. I like it. I do like it. You're a bug in Jamaica when Louis was there. Ah, no, I'm a patio, I'm a patio. Honestly, that works for me. Wild Grover, Irish and Jamaican similar. Guys, we got a new voice guy. No, I've done some voice work. I know.

Starting point is 01:16:42 Yeah, you know? Yeah, oh yeah. What thing did I do voice work on what haven't you done? It was for calling. Yeah world. No, Joe still won't let it go making stuff up No, I did I've done two different voice projects that you don't even know about cuz you don't care about me Wow one man Thinks that's a lot of voice work thinks he's reversing One man takes a sip of his tea just to break the monotony.

Starting point is 01:17:09 Oh, it's monotonous. Whoa, hey, don't do that. Yeah, don't do that, dude. You're taking too far. We're having fun, that's great. We're just having fun. Yeah, don't pick your nose. Ew.

Starting point is 01:17:17 No! You got boogers on your fingers, you fucking dweeb. You know what, Bobby is cooler than you. He what now? Bobby is cooler than you. Bobby is cooler than you. You just picked your nose like a fucking virgin. Well, I got a film coming out. Yeah you do, Portrait of a Comedian, Tom Dustin.

Starting point is 01:17:32 Second one. Yep. That's pretty cool. Second one in theaters too. That's what I meant. That's a documentary though. Your first one was actually a film that you wrote. This is a documentary.

Starting point is 01:17:40 That's right. Right. Diverse. Yeah, did you like doing the film better or the documentary? Well, the film was so much fun. We had all of our buddies together boy. That's right I was in that movie except they cut my scene. Yeah, you're great in the movie Dan didn't even get invited to do anything. That's so fucking weird

Starting point is 01:17:57 Well, that wasn't the tone of the movie Kept saying his name and Louie was like that guy sucks. Yeah, you didn't get any voice work. I do believe that I I kept saying his name and Louie was like, that guy sucks. You didn't get any voice work. I do believe that. I do believe that. You wanted a guy in the lake going, hello, I'm the man that you're talking to.

Starting point is 01:18:10 Louie goes, Joe, can I talk to you about this character that does voices? He seems completely unnecessary for the movie. He's from Baton Rouge. Why is he, he's a gator farmer? Why is your mama so angry at you, boy? Oh, you and I, when a mama loves her son, she got show with you.

Starting point is 01:18:26 I just think I've been doing something like that, Louie, talking to her on set. So I think like Nick DiPaolo could talk me in. It's clock sucker, who the fuck's doing the fucking voices? Fuck him, he's got a big head. And then Louie went, pass. Bring me an angry Puerto Rican to smash a windshield. That was a great, that was a great, up at Lake George,

Starting point is 01:18:45 we had that massive house, just me and you, right on the lake. Uh oh, hold on. Whoa, here we go. And I lost the AirPods, I still think you might have taken my AirPods. Everybody had a bed though there, nobody was bedless. I had a whole house.

Starting point is 01:18:57 That was two people. Those shot at you. I had the best house. Everyone had beds, I count Kotze's beds. I was in your house. Yeah. So wait, you guys just had a house? Well, Bobby was only there for a couple days.

Starting point is 01:19:07 They had a... They rented out this lake community. That's sick. And everybody had a house. It was funny though, because Nick DiPaolo and Tony V had like an old woman's house, so it was like... Yeah, with dolls. It was like lattice work and dolls and shit. And Chris Walsh. We had this fucking great house.

Starting point is 01:19:22 I woke up every morning and swam the lake. It was the best time of my whole life. I did too. How early would you wake up? I don't know, like 7 a.m. And just go get, wouldn't it be cold? Run straight into the lake. How early do you get up now, you have a kid? Seven, a little before seven, 6.30.

Starting point is 01:19:35 When you jumped in this lake, was it freezing? No, it was beautiful. No, summertime. Summertime, dude. September. That sounds, it's warm water in the lake? Yeah. As soon as we were done shooting,

Starting point is 01:19:44 we would jump right in the lake. Yeah, it was so. That's right at the end of the day. And then we'd have a barbecue. Me and Tony Vee, I was his sous chef. Can we go back up there and just do like three episodes? We should go up to Lake George. We should rent that house that we got.

Starting point is 01:19:56 I would fucking love it. Can we rent that house and like the four of us will just do like three episodes and bank them? Yeah. I love it. Let's do that. Can we bring them in? Look at Dan trying to not work for a couple months with us.

Starting point is 01:20:04 Or giving a great idea? That seems like it'd be very fun. Why don't we just go to my tiny house? Dan taking things seriously. In a world where Louis is being mean and you need a break. In a world where fuck you, Dan fucking pussy. In a world where I don't want to do this anymore. Dan, why don't we just go to my tiny house? We're right on the lake. Fuck that. We could drive the tiny house down to Lake George. We go to the tiny, we have two sleeping lofts and a couch and then Lewis can sleep on the porch. Damn. Because he's a porch person.

Starting point is 01:20:31 Wow. Do you say pork? That pulled me from my coffee. Hold pork. Mmm. Lewis, did you say pork? Yeah. He's hearing food and everything.

Starting point is 01:20:43 He's cartoon hungry. Right now Joe's just in the pork shop. There's He's hearing food and everything. He's cartoon hungry. Right now, Joe's just in a big pork chop. There's just steam dripping from his nose. He's going to get picked up over the table and fucking waft into the hallway. No, we should do that. We should absolutely do it. I would love it.

Starting point is 01:20:55 I would love it. We should do it. Bring women. Do it right now. Bring women from different countries that don't really speak English. And they're young. They can't tell on us.

Starting point is 01:21:02 And they have dicks. Why don't we just get like fucking lake women up there. Oh my God. Like lake women. I don't know if you've ever been in a lake community, Bobby. It's not good. I live in one. Maybe we should write a film together

Starting point is 01:21:14 that's called Lake Women and it's a comedy. Lady Lakes. Lake Women. Wando Lakes, I'll try it again. Lake of the ladies. What are we doing? We all go up there and we cheat on our chicks. No.

Starting point is 01:21:26 Yes, yes. Hang on, let me finish. You're fucking killing creativity with that. In a world where dance killing creativity, he only cheats if it's gay. We're all going up there, hey, we're all going up there cheating on our girls, but then we realize that, you know, we don't want to do it, we love us,

Starting point is 01:21:40 except for one of us does cheat. Who would be the most likely to cheat out of three of you? I'm not with some of you. Oh yeah, but you'll have a girl in the movie, dummy. Oh. Um. Um. I think it's Bob. I'm proud of you.

Starting point is 01:22:00 I don't know if there was ever a greater fucking. I'm proud to be gay. Pussy. Pussy doesn't work. It was great, it was perfect. Wow. No, no. Why do you say me?

Starting point is 01:22:18 I would think it would be you. Most likely to cheat, most likely to cheat of the three. I'm looking from the outside. I'm looking from the outside. I'm looking from the outside. Outside looking in. Dan's not a cheater. Would not cheat. Dan's out, officially out.

Starting point is 01:22:32 I haven't met, I ain't fucking gonna ruin it. He's not ruining it. Joe wants to, just doesn't have the nuts to pull the trigger. Doesn't have the balls, the testicular fortitude to fucking pull the trigger. Yeah, I'll cheat on that fucking old I'm in fucking problem. Don't you fix your tits? I don't know. Maybe he's fucking send you socks in the mail for $75. It's

Starting point is 01:23:04 Now solve this game right now. I would break out in hives. I would just come home and be like, ugh. I'd break out with jizz all over her fucking face. God, dude. My fucking stomach would be in my throat. Have you ever cheated? Yeah, when I was young. I was in my early 20s.

Starting point is 01:23:21 So he is a cheater then? Yeah, once a cheater, always a cheater. Never cheated. Never cheated once? Nope. I don't believe that ats. So he is a cheater then? Yeah, once a cheater, always a cheater. Never cheated. Never cheated once? Nope. Come on. That shocks you? Nope.

Starting point is 01:23:29 I don't believe that at all. That shocks you. What are you talking about? I don't believe that at all. Buddy. Never cheated. I used to be such a cheater. The way we both drank?

Starting point is 01:23:36 Nobody wanted to fuck me. Look at him. Who's cheating with him? Yeah. No offense. And I look better now. He's the best I've ever looked. Ever. Yeah. But when I cheated, it wasn This is the best I've ever looked. Ever.

Starting point is 01:23:46 Yeah. But when I cheated, it wasn't a serious relationship. Bobby was a fucking cheater. Yeah, dude. Fucking Chester. He wrote a book about it. Chester Cheeto over here. Yeah, what?

Starting point is 01:23:53 Chester Cheeto over here. Stop saying Cheetos, you fat fuck. Did somebody say Cheetos? Boat Cheetos? Doritos? I wouldn't cheat now because I don't, I just. Your dick doesn't get high. You're old and you're here. The amount of stuff I would lose.

Starting point is 01:24:08 This is your fucking soft. You'd lose your heated floor. You wouldn't lose anything. I would lose it all. You own it all. Dawn's a fucking spectator. No, you're married, dude. You don't understand how it works.

Starting point is 01:24:17 You don't have a fucking prenup? What? Oh my God. I want to get a prenup with the fucking woman I love. Imagine fucking Bobby proposing a prenup to Dawn. Wow. That would have gone smoothly. It fucking Bobby proposing a prenup to Dawn. Wow. That would've gone smoothly.

Starting point is 01:24:27 It would've gone a little something like that. Are you and Katie getting a prenup? Go ahead, go. I would go a little something. I like that. No! Are you and Katie getting a prenup? No, not at all.

Starting point is 01:24:38 She makes more money than you. I know, so you're gonna be able to make out like a bit. You better not. So no. You better not. You better not. You better not. You're better than I am. You're better than I am. So no. You're better than I am. Hopefully not.

Starting point is 01:24:46 She owned property. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah. Wow. Are you and Sarah married? You were at our wedding. These are all jokes.

Starting point is 01:24:56 You guys don't get my humor. Well, maybe it looks like you fucking ate your fucking. You do. I don't know, man. I'm sorry. That was just mean. You guys were all at my wedding. And what a wedding it was.

Starting point is 01:25:05 It was very fun. It was okay. It was wonderful. It was great, I loved it. Wonderful. Thank you for having me. You're welcome. Sorry, I brought the- Thank you for bringing your-

Starting point is 01:25:14 I brought a horrible date. Yeah. It was a good wedding. Fun wedding. There was so many exes there. Kim Cognon was at the wedding. Oh yeah. Hannah Berner was at the wedding.

Starting point is 01:25:21 You had the funniest ex. You brought the funniest ex. Beth Stelling was at the wedding. Ah! I like Beth. Beth or Kim were the funniest exes. You brought the funniest ex. Beth Stelling was at the wedding. Ah! I like Beth. Beth or Kim were the funniest exes. Why you dated Beth. Oh Beth is hilarious.

Starting point is 01:25:29 Beth is hilarious. Beth's wife fucks Beth. I like Beth. You did. I just had sex with her. That's it. You did? That's a lie.

Starting point is 01:25:35 That's a lie. That's really good. Really? Man. That's so many comedians. Spread it boys. No, that's a lie. That's so funny.

Starting point is 01:25:42 She's fucking hilarious. She is. Who else? Well then there's like family. Ari, Nate was there. Remember when Nate was our buddy and he went? I was with Nate last week. Nate saved my life. I know, I heard he close.

Starting point is 01:25:53 Close friend of mine. I was in Nashville Zane, he's completely lost my voice. Worse than you're thinking. It was fucking so insane. Did you lose it during the day? Yes. Where did you find it? In his soul.

Starting point is 01:26:05 Thanks. Trying to save you. So you did two shows no voice? Yeah, I thought I was like this. I have the recording, I'll play it for you. It's like, it's like. It's just silent? It's like, I was like.

Starting point is 01:26:15 And then. What the hell are you saying? I did 20 minutes and I was like, I have to go to the pulpit, I got a fucking friend here. It's Nate Pagati. And they went crazy. They went crazy, but there were a few people that were like, hey man, yeah, I don't care.

Starting point is 01:26:28 I came to see you. Yeah. So funny when you realize that even the most famous of our friends, there are still people that go like, yeah. The seller started to get like that, where people were like, you bumped all the comics I came to see, and then it's a Z's for 40 minutes Just looking at it's notes a good point

Starting point is 01:26:46 I never thought they get like I've seen people after the show that were like in the West Village going I fucking you didn't go Up I was like now I got bumps Paul went up and they're like I didn't come to see spell I came to see you and I came to see you do chapelle I can't I got bump from doing chapelle What if I bump chapelle as chapelle? Sorry Dave? doing Chappelle. What if I bump Chappelle as Chappelle? Sorry Dave. It's time for me to go up. He goes, you can't do this. It's a new normal reverse car. Oh can I? The only way I can do this, if I hit my knee enough, you'll disappear. It was great. It was a good hang. Nate had some killer stuff. It was fun. Nate's the best Chappelle. And Lara was fun too. Laura's hanging out keep the Albert stat was there

Starting point is 01:27:26 Come on. It's getting less and less fun Hold on buddy drinking wine So that's a good Albert that Albert that lives down there now. Yeah. No, he was working the other room that they have two rooms now He's clean as shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's got the strongest handshake. You'll ever feel in your life. He's a good man Yeah, Keith is a fucking man. How you doing, Dan Soder? I'm doing the, we're doing a show that you're on. Yeah, yeah. Zany's.

Starting point is 01:27:50 Oh, for the National Comedy Festival. Yeah, we're doing Wednesday night, and then right after that, This week? The story was. Story was. Not this week, when is that? April 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th. Yeah, I guess this week.

Starting point is 01:27:59 You got a big birthday coming up. Oh yeah, you too, buddy. Ooh, both you boys. 40? 40? He's trying to, honestly, he's 40. He's gonna be 43, he's gonna be 43.. Ooh, both of you boys. 40? He's trying to get to, honestly, he's going to be 40. He's going to be 43. He's going to be 43.

Starting point is 01:28:07 43, we're the same age. We're the same age. Five days apart. How old are you? 42. I'm about to be 42. Louis is older than me. That's right.

Starting point is 01:28:14 So it goes Louis, you, me. Yeah, because you're April. Bobby's like on the different. Yeah, Bobby's. Bobby's in May. Bobby's May 8. You know when they show you like, when you go to the hatch? What?

Starting point is 01:28:22 When you go to the hatch? When you go to the hatch? March 8. What? Birthday's in September, you fucking shit friend. What? The fuck are you talking about when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch,

Starting point is 01:28:28 when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch,

Starting point is 01:28:35 when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch,

Starting point is 01:28:41 when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you go to the hatch, when you, ah, ah, ah. Crustaceans, ah. We're from the Jurassic period. Ah, boy, keep going. JP. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 01:28:52 McDade. Um. JP McDade. McDade. Yeah, we'll be, uh. I'm gonna be 50. Woo! 55!

Starting point is 01:29:00 I can't drive! 55! It's 15 years went by. Hey, that was sick. Like that. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, 42 is my favorite number,

Starting point is 01:29:11 so I'm stoked to be 42. Ronnie Lott? Yep. You have a favorite number? Yeah, that's gay. That's embarrassing. I'm with you. I am with you.

Starting point is 01:29:18 A favorite number? Who is my favorite football player? What's your favorite letter? Yeah, do you have a best friend? Your favorite color, you homo. You have a best friend? you have a best friend? What's your favorite color, you homo? Do you have a best friend? I got a best friend. I got a favorite number.

Starting point is 01:29:27 You fucking child. Go Ronnie Lott, my favorite football player. Roll cut. What's your favorite letter? D, because it's the first name. What's your favorite color? The rainbow? Green.

Starting point is 01:29:35 Your favorite number is such a childish thing. Go 42. Good number. Ah, Dan's doubling down. I'm going to go 42. I'm going to go 42. I'm going to go 42. I'm going to go 42.

Starting point is 01:29:43 I'm going to go 42. I'm going to go 42. I'm going to go 42. I'm going to go 42. I'm going to go 42. I'm going to go 42. What's your favorite color, the rainbow? Green. Your favorite number's such a childish thing, Dan. Go 42, good number. Ah, Dan's doubling down. I like it, I'm not breaking. I love stubborn Dan. I'm not breaking down. Little kid Dan.

Starting point is 01:29:56 You guys do way gayer shit. In a world where a grown man has a favorite number. Loves Ronnie Lott. It's your favorite football player. And a man who anchors himself to certain moments in life. I'm sorry. 42 is a great number. Oh, that's cool.

Starting point is 01:30:13 No, a lot of adults have favorite numbers. You guys are acting like I advertised it as my favorite number. You told us. We never asked you what your favorite number was. Dan is excited for his birthday, because all year he gets to be his favorite number. How awesome is that?

Starting point is 01:30:28 How sad are you going to be when you're not your favorite number? It's going to be a plummet. When I'm 43, I'm going to be bummed out. Oh, dude, I'm fucking laughing so hard then. 42, dude. What a great number. That's cool, man.

Starting point is 01:30:39 Sorry you guys don't have a favorite number. Maybe you should enjoy life more. Maybe you'll die at 42, and then you can forever be your favorite number. If that does enjoy life more. Maybe you'll die at 42, and then you can forever be your favorite number. If that does happen, this clip will haunt you. No, well, we'll be laughing. It'll be hilarious. It'll be viral.

Starting point is 01:30:51 You guys say that now, but you guys do it. No, you won't. No, you won't. It depends on the way you die in the right way. You'll play it and you go like this. If you die like saving a child on the train. Why what? If you die in a good way, we don't want you to just die.

Starting point is 01:31:03 I took the subway the other day. You're not going to find it. For the first time. We all have kids. For the first time. As a matter of fact. Lewis has a story. Since before the pandemic.

Starting point is 01:31:11 Guys, guys. It'll haunt you. Guys. Forever. I took the subway. Lewis is afraid of the train. Real ass guy. I'm not afraid of the train.

Starting point is 01:31:18 Real ass boy. I have a car. Is afraid to take a train. Why would I ever take a train? You have to because your fucking license is revoked. Is it? Yeah. Yeah would I ever take a train? You have to because your fucking license is revoked. Is it? Yeah. Yeah, I think it is.

Starting point is 01:31:29 You laugh like it might be. Yeah. I haven't checked that out, man. I do have to get my license renewed though. Mine expires in a few days. Mine expires in a few days. Yeah, dude. You gotta get that new license.

Starting point is 01:31:39 But I'm gay because I like a number. 42. 42. 42. 42. 42. 42. Oh, fuck, dude. Anytime I see the number 42, I'm texting you today and now. Hell yeah. That'd be awesome. Honestly. And now we're going to all see it.

Starting point is 01:31:51 You know when you think of something like that, you'll always see the number now. I'm excited. Listen, I'm going to be happy to get a 42 text review. It's not like Paco is going to get fucking reamed by you when you leave later. Wait, you said cream? Is this episode 42? That would be crazy. Whoa. It's not like Paco's gonna get fucking reamed by you when you leave later. Wait, you said cream? Is this episode 42? That would be crazy. Whoa.

Starting point is 01:32:08 It might be. Is it episode 42 of the regs? What is it Paco? 33. Woo! 33, Larry Bird, my favorite number! 33, that's your favorite number! By the way, 33 was actually my best friend,

Starting point is 01:32:17 Dave Green's favorite number. Shout out Dave Green. In high school, because he was a child. Those are teenagers. So basically you're a fibaphyle. A fibaphyle? A what? A fibaphyle. So basically you're a fibafile. A fibafile? A what? A fibafile.

Starting point is 01:32:27 What the fuck's a fibafile? I'm just team favorite number over here. 33 was actually my best friend, Dave Green's favorite number. Why did you ride the subway, you stupid? Why? Yeah, so he rode the subway. What was that fucking power move?

Starting point is 01:32:41 In a world where Dan's bothered by us making fun of him. In a world where Dan's bothered by us making fun of him. In a world where Dan thinks having a good friend and favorite number is pretty cool. He still thinks it's pretty fucking cool. So what happened? You rode the choo-choo? I rode the choo-choo. It was the last time we had the regs. You took the train.

Starting point is 01:33:00 Yeah, because I had my car parked here. Oh, you were going to get a massage. Yes, I got a massage, then I went to the steam room up on 23rd and 6th. Where's there a steam room on 23rd and 6th? It's Lifetime Fitness. Oh. It's a gym. They have the new Russian one downtown.

Starting point is 01:33:13 They have a Russian spa. You think it's a bad neighborhood? Russian spa. Boys, we should do cigars and fucking go to the fucking. We should go to Soho. Cigars and fuck? And spits. Yeah, we should fuck.

Starting point is 01:33:24 We should rent a lake house and fuck. What? We should get the cigars? Go to Soho and fuck. And Svitz. Yeah, we should fuck. We should ride a lake house and fuck. What? We should get the cigars? Go to Soho Cigar and then we'll go to uh. I don't know if they're paying you or whatever it is, but you've dropped Land O'Lakes about eight times. I love butter. We should go get a Svitz.

Starting point is 01:33:39 Go downtown and then we'll smoke cigars. And then we'll go get food. Before and after. No, we'll get food at the place. At the place. Can we plan a day like that and just fucking talk business without Paco? Why are we gonna talk business? If we're relaxing, I don't wanna talk business. Why would Paco even be involved?

Starting point is 01:33:51 Yeah, but that's what you do. You talk business in a fucking Switzerland. Or we just hang out and just. I like that. We talk a little business. No, fuck business. I like talking business. I know you do, that's all you talk.

Starting point is 01:34:00 We don't wanna do it. Yeah, I wanna talk philosophy. We wanna have friends, we wanna be friends. Yeah, for real. It's always Instagram hustle and grind shots. Yeah, we don't wanna hustle and grab. We want to do it. Yeah, I'm gonna have friends. We're gonna be friends. Yeah for real Yeah, always Instagram hustle and grind. Yeah, we don't hustle and grab we want Lewis just Grinders sandwiches. Yeah, so what happened on the subway you dizzy fuck nothing Because I took the subway whole show? You took the train? He goes, I took the subway.

Starting point is 01:34:23 Say it again. Look at that. There you go. You look good. That really makes sense. That makes so much sense. Bobby, give him that one. Give him that one, Bobby.

Starting point is 01:34:31 No, I love that. What are you doing? You're fucking giving him. Who gives a shit? I need, go fuck your mother. What's your problem? Buy him one that's like that. I will buy you one right now.

Starting point is 01:34:38 Joe, you look good. That is the hat, Joe. You look like you drive a Model T. Joe, I'll buy the for you right now. That's nice. Joe, look at you. Bobby, just give him the hat. Martin's gonna be upset. the for you right now. That's nice. Joe, look at you. Bobby, just give him the hat. Margie's going to be upset.

Starting point is 01:34:47 He's going to have a dad and a grandpa. Bobby. No. Give him the hat. Stop bullying people. Why are you so cheap, dude? He's your friend. I'm going to buy him one.

Starting point is 01:34:56 I'm keeping that hat. Bobby pretended to buy him one. He went on there. He goes, oh, look at that. I'm buying him the hat today. Boston, listen, this company, Boston Scali, they love you, I'm gonna have them send you a couple of them. Alright, I'll take it.

Starting point is 01:35:10 I think we found a new look for Joe. Buddy, I'll send that to you. Text me your address. It looks way better on you than Bobby. Text me your address so I have it sent to your house. No, no, no, no, no. Can I wear it? No.

Starting point is 01:35:23 Come on. I want to see how it looks on all of us. Do you think I grew up? I think there's no way my head will fit in that. You think I would hand you anything. No, you're going to spit on it. Yeah, you're going to fucking wipe your jizz on it. You probably have a sandwich in your pocket.

Starting point is 01:35:34 Eat it all. In a world where Louis can't be trusted with anything that could be eaten. In a world where Louis can even digest fabric. With the stomach of a hippopotamus. Like a billy goat, you'll eat a can. This was a fun episode, dude. We're not done. You're just trying to wrap up.

Starting point is 01:36:01 What, Dan, why are you trying to wrap up? Timekeeper Dan. In a world with- Hey it's 42! 42! I'm alive! 42! 42!

Starting point is 01:36:09 42! 42! 42! 42! I love it! How do you guys not love this number? Wow. I like it now.

Starting point is 01:36:17 Yes! 42. I'm gonna do that on- I'm gonna sell sweatshirts to just say 42. Dude a favorite number as an adult is my favorite thing ever. I love it. President Bill Clinton. You know what I think it is?

Starting point is 01:36:32 A lot of people say their lucky number. Yeah, that's right. I think it's a favorite is what makes it so interesting. I have a lucky number. I probably, you know what? A lucky number I think is more normal. I have a lucky number 17. I should have phrased it as my lucky number.

Starting point is 01:36:43 You said lucky number, yeah. But you know what? Joe makes an excellent point. It is very gay when you I have a lucky number, 17. I probably should have phrased it as my lucky number. He said lucky number, yeah. But you know what? Joe makes an excellent point. It is very gay when you call it a favorite number. Does roulette go up to 42? Yeah. No, it goes up to 36. 36, yeah.

Starting point is 01:36:53 I made that up. I don't play roulette. You always said it so confident, I believe. I wish. Like 17, I only play 17, black. 42, 42, tonight on the Pick 4. Do it. I'm gonna play it.

Starting point is 01:37:02 Someone wins it, baby. 42, 42. Straight, $5,000. What's a Pick 4? It's a New York lottery. New York lottery. You can play it. Someone wins it, baby. 42, 42. Straight? $5,000. What's a pick four? New York lottery. New York lottery. You can play it on your phone. Just get the app.

Starting point is 01:37:10 That's a good idea. Good fucking plug. Or 042. Pick three. How about 4224? Why would you do that? I don't know. 4217, because that's your favorite number.

Starting point is 01:37:18 Whoa! 4217, do it. It should be 042-0. Who gives a shit? Do 4217. I like that one. Judge? Judge? Judge? Cause that's your favorite number. Whoa, 42 17. Do it. It should be zero 42 zero. Who gives a shit?

Starting point is 01:37:27 Do 42 17. I like that one. Just home. Hi Lucy, I'm home. One of our favorite sponsors. Jesus H anal. What the fuck? It's a cool sponsor alarm.

Starting point is 01:37:38 Yeah. Oh, good deal alarm. Folks, I love Lucy. Come on. I don't think you can literally say that. He's already done it. He did it in the last... We've done it every read. Folks, one of our favorite sponsors here at The Regs with a Z, because we're cool, is Lucy.

Starting point is 01:37:56 They are 100% pure nicotine, always tobacco-free. Lucy isn't like every other nicotine pouch company that's owned by Big Tobacco. They're the mom and pop shoppop shop of pouches right Bob they are it's a mom and a pop and they're amazing because the flavors are awesome what's your favorite flavor to Apple ice I believe it is they have wintergreen which is awesome but the espresso you like in the morning with your heated

Starting point is 01:38:19 floor throwing in a little cup of coffee a little Nick they do a lucky charms flavored one oh why they're good? Because you can't smoke a cigar all the time. It's a commitment. You can throw one of these in before a plane, right when you get off the plane. Even on the plane. You can do it on the plane.

Starting point is 01:38:34 But that's OK. Probably won't do it on the plane. I won't do it on the plane because you look like an idiot going like this, taking something out of your mouth. But they're awesome. I had one on stage one night, and I spit it out. I thought I could keep it in.

Starting point is 01:38:46 I went, and it flopped in the front row and the guy picked it up and put it in his mouth. No! That's a fan. Your fans are in this freaking shit. Why do I prefer Lucy over gas station brands? I'll tell you why because the quality is so damn good because you can get the crap in a bodega or whatever, but it's shit. It's's not good they don't have wintergreen they don't have a multiple espresso what do you call it milligrams everybody outside of New York

Starting point is 01:39:11 a bodega is a deli a deli yeah and for everyone outside of New Delhi I don't know I'm off I was on outside right now go to Lucy.co and use the code regs with a Z to get 20% off and always free shipping. Now warning Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Great job. You broke it down into sentences that you could chew and swallow and you did it. I'm like Lucy. You don't want to do that. No, don't swallow. It's well loose. It will fuck

Starting point is 01:39:44 up your day. You have gonna have a hot poop. All right. By the way, it doesn't taste like winter green on the way out. Let's get back into it. So yeah, I took the subway for the first time since before the pandemic. Wow.

Starting point is 01:39:55 Two stops, this shit was crazy. I used my cell phone to get on the subway. Yeah, we know, we all do that. We all do that. Ride the subway here, what do you fucking know? Yeah, we all know how that works. But do you, Apple Pay? Yes. What do you fucking know? Yeah, we all know how that works. But do you Apple pay?

Starting point is 01:40:06 Yes. I use my fucking debit card. I walk up, I go bink, and it goes right through. There's one thing, Sarah uses an Amazon store, you use your palm to pay. That's wild. What? Yeah. What?

Starting point is 01:40:18 Reads your palm. Oh, that's how good her hand jobs are. And then also, I was just in Phoenix, they got the Waymo. That's like the driverless lift. I hate that. I was in Austin and I saw it the Waymo. That's like the driverless lift. I hate that. I was in Austin and I saw it. Driverless lift, no driver, I love it. It creeps me out.

Starting point is 01:40:30 That robot could just all of a sudden go. Yeah, but so can the people. There was one where the guy was stuck and it was just going in a circle in a parking lot. And they had to call and they had to shut it down. That's terrifying. It was terrifying. But it was probably fun just being going in circles.

Starting point is 01:40:43 At first you go, okay, what's going on? And by like the fourth circle you go like, hey, is this gonna, and then by the sixth circle you go like, What's terrifying is every weekend I go on the road and fans come up and go, I love the regs, I love Tuesdays with stories, I drive for a living and I listen to it all day

Starting point is 01:40:58 in my truck and all those jumps are gonna be gone. No, I don't care about that. I'd rather robots listen to me. I love your work. Thank you, robot. Zero, one, zero, zero, one, zero. Mm, mm, mm, mm. 42 is a stupid number.

Starting point is 01:41:13 No robot would say that. Yeah, they would. They love ones and zeros. No, because they go, it's his favorite number, which makes it cool. If he loves ones and zeros, you would love the women of fucked in my life. You okay, babe? I didn't want it to like it. Will killed it. Why would you not like that women of fucked in my life. You okay, babe?

Starting point is 01:41:25 I didn't want it to like it. Well, kid, well, fuck, I loved it. He's fucking ugly. I loved it. I didn't want to like it. I fucked a lot of ugly women. What's the ugliest woman you've ever slept with? Oh, I mean, what are we talking about?

Starting point is 01:41:35 I got some land monsters in my pad. I fucked, I was up in New Hampshire. Mon stars. I was up in New Hampshire with my friend and we picked up these two lake bitches off season. That's the film, this is the film I'm gonna write. They got in the car, the one in the front was blonde, little retarded, but kinda cute.

Starting point is 01:41:50 The one I was with looked like, I mean, a fuckin' monster. And I was in the back just sittin' there, and she's like, I wanna fuck, I wanna fuck. And I'm like, okay, cool. And he's gettin' a hand job, and he goes, dude, just fuck her, man, who cares? Run the woods, just fuck her. This is young hot Bobby.

Starting point is 01:42:04 So I was like, fuck it. So we're in like some motel that's closed in the parking lot. So I'm like, I start fucking this bitch. He turns the light on and he goes, I was kidding you fucking idiot. Why would you fuck her? Bobby's like, no it's making me cum dude.

Starting point is 01:42:18 Oh fuck, I love joke cumming. I remember there was just four levels of her stomach. This is one area where I feel like I don't really have to make a case. It's pretty obvious that I have fucked the ugliest. I don't think so. I fucked the ugliest woman out of the four of us,

Starting point is 01:42:32 unquestionably. Really? How would you say that? Because I fucked a bunch of ugly women. Really ugly. No redeeming qualities. Burnt face, just gone. Gross.

Starting point is 01:42:43 I fucked a chick that looked like David Letterman. That's kinda cute. It's fun. You got any gum? You uh. I mean I fucked one girl, I met these two girls while we were selling comedy club tickets. I remember one that you fucked.

Starting point is 01:42:55 Which one? The one that Julien's, you came by Eastville with. She wasn't ugly, she was hot. She looked like a, she looked like a. She looked like a junkie, but she was hot. Hot junkie. She was all bruised up and shit. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:43:07 That was after. Yeah, no, no, I fucked that. She was a pig. Oh, I cream pie'd her. Oh! That's hot. You ate it? You ate the cream pie?

Starting point is 01:43:16 No, I came inside of her. And here's what's funny is like, I manipulated her too. Oh! Yeah, yeah. Why do you keep talking? What the fuck? Yeah, I don't want to be in court. God, we're gonna get a text letter that goes, hey, I need you keep talking? What's the fuck? Yeah, I don't want to be I don't be in court God we're gonna text later goes. I need you to

Starting point is 01:43:32 Take out all basically the back. No. No, here's what happened. Tell me if this is above board or below board I don't know. Can we do that? I don't want to I mean in a world where Lewis incriminated his for a minute everyone around him Is this above buff board? Tell me if it's a buff board. The new movie. We can edit it out if you guys think it's below board. This summer, guilty by itself.

Starting point is 01:43:51 If you don't know, If you don't know if it's bad, I think it's way above board. Hey guys, what's the statuary limitations on this? And also, statuary limitations. Thank you, Dan. If you choke a girl, and she passes out,

Starting point is 01:44:02 and you keep fucking her. No, it's not like that. Calm down. Hey, you fucking not like that. Calm down. You fucking take it too far? What about a movie where you're in this? That's what I do. I take it too far. What about a movie where... That's not gonna work. Just go.

Starting point is 01:44:15 Tell us what you did to this chick. What'd you do? No! What did I do? What'd you do to her? Neck kisses? What did you allegedly do? Did you eat all her food? Are people looking for her? I hit her pussy and I was like, I can't stop! Hey, what you doing down there? She wasn't black,

Starting point is 01:44:35 she was a white chick. Young, hot white chick who was a fucking, she was a genuine drug addict. And I met these girls selling comic book tickets. Yeah. And then I was like, Oh, come down to see my show at Eastville tonight. And then I brought this fucking mess into Eastville. And then I rented Julian McCall's apartment from him for $40. This is how desperate everybody was. I was like, Joe, give me $4. Let me fuck this slob in your apartment. He was like, yes. So 40 bucks, spot pay. But this is fucking I know 15 years ago. It's like oh, wait, let's say oh, no. 20.

Starting point is 01:45:10 No. They say, yeah, I mean, literally like really early in my comedy career. I career. So I know. So I brought her to the place and then she was like, I want coke. And I was like, I was like, I can go to diet. I was like, I want coke. And I was like, I was like, I can coke. Did you diet? I was like, I can get coke. You want Mexican coke?

Starting point is 01:45:29 Thank you. I was like. It's probably for trying. You know, probably got the last bottle. No, no, no, no, it was me. I brought them there. I'll take it. No, I liked it.

Starting point is 01:45:37 I actually thought it was good. I tried. I didn't laugh because, you know. It stunk. Yeah, but I liked it. I did like it. It stunk, but I didn't. I think if you had said, I can get you a Pepsi, that might've hit you. Oh, it's stunk. Yeah, but I liked it. I did like it. It's stunk But I did I think if you had said I can get you a Pepsi that might have hit Workshop your workshop boys. Good punch up guys. We did it come

Starting point is 01:45:54 So what did you do? Tell me how you come on. I'm getting hung. What would you do for a Klondike bar? Right now I took her pussy like a polar bear would I took her pussy like a polar bear would. What would you do for a vulnerable woman to fuck you? She wasn't vulnerable. She was a drug addict. She's not vulnerable. You met her on the streets. I met her while I met her selling comedy club tickets.

Starting point is 01:46:16 Yeah, you gave her free tickets. Step back from like fucking meeting somebody on the streets is like a fucking weird thing. Did you give her free tickets? Yeah, I gave her free tickets. Stop getting angry. Just tell the fucking story without getting angry. I'm not getting angry. I'm not getting angry. Because you gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry.

Starting point is 01:46:27 I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry.

Starting point is 01:46:35 I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry.

Starting point is 01:46:43 I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm not phones, Dan. I never abused you, Dan, not you, Dan. No, no, you were the only special. Say it, Dan, say you never got abused. I'm sorry. Dan, you didn't. All right, anyways, you're on the subway. Is this above board?

Starting point is 01:46:59 Just get it out. Yeah, sure. I'm exactly bored. Come on, I'm starving. I got to eat. We know. I'll buy you something. Come on, I'm starving. I gotta eat. We know. I'll buy you something. Oh.

Starting point is 01:47:08 Come on. Nothing for me. Just a cheese. What's up? I feel like the delay is Louis trying to edit the story to not be as illegal. Nope. Hi. Nope.

Starting point is 01:47:19 What? Bobby just got handed a muffin? What is this? Chips. It looks like a baseball glove that's been cut to pieces. Did your great grandmother make this? What is this chips? It looks like a baseball glove. That's been cut up pieces Did you a great grandmother make this? What is this? Peter chips. All right. Thanks. Give any Paul chips Peter. Thank you Paco. I'll get you a job. Oh, sorry, dad so No, she wanted coke

Starting point is 01:47:40 She wanted coke and you said I could get you a Pepsi That's how it actually worked. That is how it actually worked. It actually worked. Actually, that is how it should have gone. You know, you pitched the bit. But without you doing it and me trying, you wouldn't have got there. So. So, uh, then I was like, yeah, I'll get you coke.

Starting point is 01:47:55 And then I pretended to order coke. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. That is very funny. That's good. You go, thank you, cocaine man. See you very soon. All right. So right, suck it. We were in Julian's place, we were waiting for this coke,

Starting point is 01:48:08 and she didn't want to fuck me until the coke came. That was the thing. Okay. And then I was like, I was like, hey, he's coming down his way. I was like, I don't know where he's at. I kept on pretending to tag. There was no coke dealer.

Starting point is 01:48:15 There was no coke coming. I think this is great. There was no coke coming. So eventually I just fucked her. I came inside of her. She shot it on Julian's sheets. She like, pussy coughed? Yeah, squeezed it out. And then I was like, yeah, I guess this on Julian's sheets. She like, pussy coughed? Yeah, squeezed it out.

Starting point is 01:48:25 She was like, ah! And then I was like, yeah, I guess this Coke guy's not coming down. She was like, OK. And then I never saw her again. Damn. That's above board. You know what it reminds me of?

Starting point is 01:48:34 Because I did the same thing. Yeah. I was in Monterey. I did the same. And this girl from the, worked at the club. She's a good friend. She was a big, she was like an improv actress. So she came back to my room and she's like, I don't know if I should do this,

Starting point is 01:48:48 but she's talking about SNL. I go, I know J. Moore. I know those guys. She goes, really? She was like, do you think you could get me an audition? I go, I know how to do it. And they call Lauren Michaels. I go, does she have a very wet pussy?

Starting point is 01:49:01 I don't know, Lauren, I'm trying to figure it out. I go, you need three characters and two originals. If you get me that tape. You're not wrong. I go, I can get it to the people that can look at it and tell you. This is way less above board than mine. You lied about getting a girl at SNL on this.

Starting point is 01:49:18 No, I wasn't lying. This is a cancelable effect. And that woman ended up being Ellen Cleghorn. So let's not act like Bobby didn't have the juice back. No, I really thought I could get the tape and it's up to her. You get me the tape, I could get it to the right people. No, Jay Moore tells me that you fucked Bobbikunny

Starting point is 01:49:38 and was it Monterey? You have three characters? She blew me. Nice. Never got me the tape. You yes-handed her though nice never got me the tape you yes ended her though She got me the tape. I would have tried to give it to Barry Katz

Starting point is 01:49:50 Body I don't know. I know I think that's totally fine. Yeah, I think it's all aboveboard If a woman is dumb enough to be manipulated enough you say that then she does Take a little liberty with that. You know what? You know what, dude? You know a couple hours ago, you thought a... A poipus? What? A porpoise.

Starting point is 01:50:13 Porpoise. Porpoise. Sorry, Dan. Porpoise. You thought a porpoise was the same as well, and I thought it was a poipus. There's no purpose to it. Hey, that's fun.

Starting point is 01:50:21 We're gassed. Let's go! All right, go to the end. We have seven minutes left. We have 42 more minutes. We have sevenassed. Let's go All right, go seven more minutes seven minutes up 42 All right. No, we're done. I gotta go. Yeah, where do you go back? He's got a gotta go to bonfire Okay, go Dan's old job Before you guys gotta go for a good boy second 10 chicks in the corner. Good day, Bob Someone right after somebody else came in them. I'd be into that. I'm disgusting.

Starting point is 01:50:45 What? Like you'll be into it. I'm going to go. You ever take a bite of a sandwich after someone's ate a sandwich? No. That's like sitting on a toilet after somebody just left the saw.

Starting point is 01:50:53 It's so warm. You're like, Ooh, I can feel your ass. No, it's way grosser than that. That's like something I've done a hundred times. Joe goes, that's normal. I'm talking about putting your penis in a pussy. So at the airport when you have to take a shit,

Starting point is 01:51:07 you go in right after another guy. Girl, don't even start. So I won't say who, but it's a comic that I used to hook up with pretty regularly. Somebody that you used to blow. And I went into her bathroom after we fucked and I saw that she had definitely squeezed cum out of her pussy. I'm a throw up into the toilet definitely squeezed cum out of her pussy. I'm going to throw up.

Starting point is 01:51:26 Into the toilet. The cum was in the toilet and I was like. And you've got a straw. I'll tell you it was more off. Dude, it's fucking. Wait, was the cum just like floating around in the toilet? I know what it is. I know exactly the look of cum in a toilet.

Starting point is 01:51:36 Did you dip your finger in it? Egg drop soup. He goes, all right, that's cum in toilet water. I know what they're mixed. That is good. You don't have to say who it is, but do I need a different babysitter? That's so funny. Were you like, was this before you fucked her?

Starting point is 01:51:51 After I fucked her. So you went, oh. Yeah, I went, oh, dude, I definitely. I wasn't the first customer of the day. Yeah, she was a fucking real pig. Wow. We all know her though. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:52:02 You will all 100% know who I'm talking about. Sexist. Is she successful? Yeah. You will all 100% know who I'm talking about. And is she successful? Yeah. On OnlyFans? Damn dude. Wow. That sound was my heart breaking. No.

Starting point is 01:52:17 Well, don't forget to subscribe. Don't worry about your heart. Worry about your son's heart when she. Like and subscribe. We're not gonna be seeing each other anymore. I'll tell you when you're 18. Because Uncle Lewis told us a story on a podcast. So funny.

Starting point is 01:52:34 Whatever happened to her, you go, you know Uncle Lewis? He's awesome stuff. Alright, well check us out everybody. Go to our websites, go to our shows. PunchUpLive.com, we're all on there. Check out all our pods, our specials. We love you guys. Check out all our videos.

Starting point is 01:52:47 Keep coming out to us after the show and letting us know you're listening to the raves. Yeah, for real. Yeah, it's very fun. So we know it's worth keep doing this. We're all friends, and we love each other. I guess Louie didn't answer your texts. Wow.

Starting point is 01:52:57 No, he didn't. Send me your, I'm gonna get you, how many hats you want, two? He's on a world tour. Just one. I'll get you one. Motherfucker, you can't even let me wear your hat once, but you're giving him two hats.

Starting point is 01:53:04 You're, cause you're a cunt. We'll get you one. Motherfucker, you can't even let me wear your hat once, because you're giving him two hats. You're a cuss. We'll see you guys next week. Joey, two hats. All right. That was such a fun episode.

Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Bug Eater | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #33

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