Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Burger King Sucks

Episode Date: November 28, 2011

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You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the glory hall radio network glory hall radio dot com Yo what's up new f**kers if you think Robert Kelly is fun and you know what dude you should see this white motherfucker stand up see him live December 7th at the Gotham comedy club will be headlining a special laugh button live show then our new year's eve will be at the stress factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey's son on January 7th and be coming back home to his Boston fans all the white motherfuckers at the Wilbur Theatre be sure to get your tickets at robbercullylive.com and spread the word

new f*** it's a guy named Guitafood Alright, here we are. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, hello! How are you? How are you? To another edition, is that what it is an edition? Oh, if you know what dude podcast, the YKWD, as we've been trying to fucking brand it, or fucking, it's a goddamn Gator 5. Oh, I'm kidding, you know. That was last week. Didn't talk to the whole intro. He didn't.

You're a fucking good man, Joe. Yeah, I shut up this time. You're a good man. You usually fucking step right on that. Well, intentionally. And I just would like to point out that as I didn't talk, you clearly didn't know what to say. That's bullshit.

I was stammering. I didn't stammer intentionally. You established a show title. Thank you. New edition. Bingo. I think it's actually intentionally. You established a show title. Thank you. New addition. Bingo. I don't think it's actually episode. And YKWD.

And I gave an array of howdies. Hello. Oh, how you do? Welcome for different people, because different people say hello, and welcome and all that shit differently. So thank you, Dan. Welcome.

Wow, he's really good. Oh, he's a suck up. Absolutely. A difference between being good and being a suck up. It's not a suck up Difference between being good. I think I'm gonna make sure both Dan back from Ireland who the Emerald isle. Yeah, are you Irish? Half Irish. Half Irish and half what? Sweetest. Mungstock. Mungstock, half carnivore. Half giant. Half giant. What are you looking for? Is that straight? You're gonna smoke. Yeah, you're smoking. I can't smoke in here. Why? Because I quit today. Bingo! Don't clap yet. You will eventually be allowed to smoke in here again. It's just right at this moment

I want to cigarette so fucking bad. I don't want to. That it's gonna kill me. Look man. I know how you feel Over I think it's three months. Oh, what it is but three months or something today We I want to talk about it, but I didn't mean to cut off Dan's Ireland story. Or was that it? No, I didn't mean to cut off Dan Zyreland's story. Or was that it? No, I don't. I was wondering. I look for an election. Can you hear the fucking mood swings in his voice already? Is that it?

Look, I want to talk about it. It was at it. Whatever. I mean, two months, four weeks in one day, and I've saved $2,500. And the reason why people get me shit, like, dude, what are you fucking? $1,000 a pack. Do the math, fucking get me shit, like, dude, what are you fucking? $1,000 a pack? Do the math, fucking dummy. You don't know how to do math on Twitter, because Twitter is a fucking positive place to

fucking do. And anyways, I smoked a pack and a half a day. My wife smoked a pack, around a pack a day. So I combined the two, how much I'm saving, because I bought all the cigarettes. And then sometimes I bought them out of the state, and I got them a little cheaper. Sometimes I bought them in here, was $14 a pack in New York City.

From my cigarettes, from my wife's cigarettes, it was $14 a pack too. So I kind of fucking guesstimated and put everything together. So it was around, I just two packs a day, $14 a pack. It's really a little more than that, a little less, give and take $2,500, I'm saying.

Jesus. It's a lot of money. It's a fucking, that's a vacation. And you look better, you're glowing. I'm fatter. Fatter. Here's what sucked, Joe. And I don't think it's gonna happen to you,

but I went on a diet right away too, which was a fucking dumb move, because I almost went insane. Right. And I went on that many fast, and then I had to quit it, and once you quit many fast, you balloon right back up even more.

Right. Because now you've been eating five little tiny things a day. For three weeks, once you get off that, you start eating radio food, you just fucking balloon the fuck up. I gained 20 pounds in three weeks. Once you get off that you study in radio food, you just fucking balloon the fuck up. I gained 20 pounds in three months. Whatever the fuck it is. It was like an Xbox or?

Yeah, I will fucking. I'm probably as close as the second fattest I've ever been. Really? Yep. Jesus. Yeah, I went to the doctors last week because I had chest pains. Yeah, that was scary, man. Yeah, it was. Everything all right. Well, we were on the phone. We were doing the secret project, which

Yeah, any fucking runs off the God, I didn't really the middle of a sentence. I gotta go. I'm gonna have chest pain. I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta hang up. You saw me. He was gonna cry. Yeah, it was,, it was bad. Like my chest, the middle of my chest cramped up. Like somebody was stabbing it. What did it end up being? It was, his shirt size just went up. Oh, cool. Oh, cool.

Oh, cool. Oh, cool. Uh-huh. Apparently, Kant isn't doubt he assist them. Oh, cool. Oh, cool. Oh, cool. Yeah, what did it end up being? It was gas.

I was going to tell you that until you fucking hurt my feelings. It was in a soft-egg-spasm, a soft-egg-spasm, a soft-egg-spasm, something like that. What does that mean? I mean, it has to do with acid reflux. And I'm taking the pills. I got these new pills from Dr. Steve who's fucking amazing. Yeah, he's great. Oh, and A's Dr. Steve, do you know about him?

He's his own show, Bad Medicine, I believe it's called Weird Medicine. And serious, it's fucking great show if you haven't listened to it, get on it. He's just a doctor, but he's a creep too. You know, he's got a great fucking sense of humor, but he gave me his number. If anything you need, and I've called him on the road, I've been sick, I've had, you know, strep throat and I've needed a penicillin

and he can write your prescription. And, you know, he won't do anything fucking stupid. Yeah. What do you call it for me when I had that bad flu in LA? No, we called actually Dawn's friend, who said, Dr. Oh, yeah. Dawn,

The guy was great. Yeah, Bill. Bill was cool too. He's another guy who I have. Kind of a concierge doctor. And I called him immediately, and he told me it might be a soft, spasms, soft, spasms. And it's from, it's, uh, heartburn.

And I take these pills and it kind of, I don't know if something happens in here and you know Your soft-gust cramps up and it's like a cramp in your soft-gust And that's what happened and I thought I was having a heart attack, you know with all this fucking shit going on with comics and Everybody's getting sick and we're at that age now. We're mother fucker. I mean, how old are you? 28. Yeah, he's not there yet, but where? Where there? You know, you're there. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, you're there. How old are you?

I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm 34. Yeah, but you're there. I'm almost there. You're there physically. You know what I mean? I know, that's soul wise, you're 48. Way older than that. Yeah, you're like a cramoginee 62.

Yeah. That's why I why I had to quit smoking. I mean because this is the first time in my life that I was out without question addicted. Every other time I quit or started again It was always like I'm done with this who cares and I would just put it down and when I would start again It would be like I'm gonna smoke I don't fucking care like whatever And when I would start again, it would be like, I feel like I'm gonna smoke, I don't fucking care. Like whatever. It was never like I need it. Now dude, I'm getting that point, I'm smoking in the morning.

When I'm breathing heavy, I wanna cigarette. That's what's fucked up. The negative effects of smoking make you wanna smoke. I'm getting that Flemmy shit. I'm not coughing up any colored Flemmy, which means I'm still ahead of the curve, hopefully. But I was just like, I gotta quit. Like, I want one so bad right now. Like, I wanna clench my fists.

So that's time to fucking go, man. Yeah. It's horrible. It's gonna be so fucking hard. That was not. Uh, yeah it is. You got your, uh, just call Bobby, can you tell me what it is? No, no, it's really bad, man. This, it is. You got your just call Bobby. You tell me what it is. No, no, it's, it's,

it's really bad, man. This is it. This is the reality of, this is the real, and this is, I psychologically, I prepared myself for, uh, not for quitting smoking by, by looking at, like these crazy religions, are YouTube, you know, religions that sacrifice, you know, like they flog themselves or even the Jewish religion that they won't eat for, you know, they fast and the Catholic religion, they give up shit for a whole month, they just don't do something like chocolate.

It's just like, yeah, it's lit. And it's like, it's like, why do these people, they sacrifice? And it's like, if these regular motherfuckers can sacrifice, this is gonna suck. Sacrifice sucks, it's gonna hurt, it's gonna stink. It's not gonna feel good, I'm gonna probably get into arguments, I'm gonna get angry.

Just try to stay away from people as much as you can, try to, I know I'm gonna go into clubs and I'm gonna get the fuck out. Because if I'm around people, I'm gonna snap, because people suck. You know, it's just gonna suck. And I set myself up, like I'm going to do this, and it's gonna hurt. Really bad. And I'm gonna set up support with my wife and some of my friends. And I'm gonna talk about it as much as I can. And deal with the consequences. The consequences are having to say sorry, flipping out, almost getting to a couple fights.

You know, that bullshit is gonna happen, but that's life. It's gonna, you know, I'm not gonna die. The only thing that's gonna happen is in a few weeks, a month, I'm gonna feel amazing. I'm gonna not just amazing physically accomplished, but I actually did something. I chose to do something that can't be done. I fucking said I'm gonna do it and I did it. Well, I'll tell you to me and you wanna talk about addiction. I've had no sense of smell for months.

I've been completely congested with no sense of smell for months. I know booze doesn't help that, but that's really a smoking thing. And it's like I'm sitting here going, I can't fucking smell and I'm congested every morning, and I'm still smoking. Yeah, last time we were doing the show, I was in a cab with Bobby,

and he's like a fucking bassitound. The cab drivers eat, and so he's like, dude, is that an apple? And because it is. Yes, it is. Every Bobby does have fucking red and his rights for going into traffic. You're gonna go into traffic,

and did you eat an apple? He's like, ah, yes, how do you know that? It's pretty fucking amazing. I can smell like crazy. So ghosts. I can smell. You're gonna fuck, I'm telling you, I can smell ghosts when I can smoke a,

we're at a pack of that. But I can smell crazy now. I can, which helps you taste differently. Food is different, which sucks. Cause now food is like amazing. Oh my God. Oh fuck. That's the hard part is I'm like, I'm gonna get fat. I know I'm gonna, now it's three months. Now I have to go back to trying to eat right.

Because now I went to the doctors. I'm too heavy. I have high blood pressure because I'm too fat. I let myself go. Not only that is that we're in the public eye. So when you get fat, I get to hear it every fucking day. I get to hear from these fucking, you know, these assholes every fucking day. Fatty, fat fuck, fuck, fat, fat, shit, fat, fuck. And you know, imagine the normal person trying to quit smoking and lose weight. All they have is the voices in their head.

And what people think of them behind their back at work. Yeah, yours are vocalized. Mine, ours, is right to fuck in your face by thousands of people every day. Yeah, it's rough, man. It's rough. If you can't, it hurts. It hurts.

That's why, that's what we're talking. It's the same hurts. That's why. What? That's what we're talking. It's the same thing. It's why I called it today and I go, I'm just in this fucking weird place because, you know, I've opened up about a few things over the last couple of weeks in this podcast. I'm talking about them on stage. And you get, I mean, the tweets make me laugh. I'm not being a pussy.

They're funny. The Facebook posts are funny. But you get it over and over every day, and then you do it on stage and people are being weird, and you're like, am I fucked up? Is there something wrong with me? Am I a fucking psycho or something? Why is everybody acting like this? You start to really turn it on yourself, like you're saying, you know? Yeah, it's going, what the fuck? I'm just trying to live my life. I'm just being fucking honest, open person. Well, here's the problem.

It's even at the top of it, when you're doing great, and you're making good money, when you get all the heat on you. I think the only real, what's the word I'm looking for? Pure time of stand up is at the beginning when you're just chasing it. You ain't getting paid, you ain't got any heat. All you want is to get on stage. You're just eating your shit. All you want to do is just get up there and you can't. You can't. You know, so you just keep trying. I just want to get five minutes. I just want to get on that fucking dumb shit stage wherever it is and do five

minutes. But as soon as you start making it, as soon as you start getting stuff and you start having expectations, you kind of get fucked up. Yeah. I say all the time, dude. I think I've said it on the podcast before. My fondest, like I have great memories with you guys and in recent years getting to do cool stuff or whatever.

But I have to say my fondest memories because they're purely innocent. We're from my first year stand up when I still lived in Philly. It's got Paul Sawari, blessed the guys heart, promoter, comedy teacher, whatever in Philly, comic, great dude. He'd have these shows, he'd have his graduation shows where his classes would graduate. They'd bring all their families out and he'd hire me and Mike Vecchion and this guy Chip Jambrone to do the shows. You know, you'd get like 40 or 50 bucks.

You'd go up, you'd kill because everybody was in a good mood, even though we were open mics basically. You'd fucking hit on some guy's cousin after the show, you know, hook up with her, have a few drinks, you know, some pool hall that they turn into a comedy room for the night. The fucking, I mean, do literally all month long would be excited about that one show, just waiting, waiting. Nothing was going to come out of it. Yeah. But it was beautiful, man. It was fucking beautiful. And I remember sitting in the parking lot

of that venue with Mike Vecchio in my car and going, fucking outta here, man. I'm going to New York, fuck this shit. You know, and not appreciating it when I was there. Just going, I gotta get to the next thing. But Dan, Dan, you're kind of at that point now where dude, food is fucking fun for you. Yeah.

Yeah. Like you get, you know what I'm excited about, like this. I still get excited. Yeah. You get excited about little shit. Like the hotels included. What?

I can stand a hotel. And like, you know, like, or even having... Frosty bust my blog, dude, I remember when you used to fuck, I get a hotel room and they fly me there. And you're all excited. It's like I fucking, I just, you know, for the first time, I got flown out to Ireland for nothing, for being a creep.

Yeah. And it's fucking awesome. The whole time I'm like, yeah, free movies, I get food. I was fucking ear to ear. It's the lamb. Now we're like, yeah, it better be a king bed. Is it a king bed? Frosty, if it's not a king bed, I'm not fucking going.

And as a business client, I'm not flying to fucking Ireland and coach. I did, Jack. And it was rough. Yeah. We got these dumb spider legs just locking up on me over the Atlantic. Yeah, yeah, you could be on an all expense paid trip to the fucking Caribbean where they're giving you a 10 grand for the show and I'd still be sitting there going, really they're

making me sell my fucking merch over here. The fucking crowd's emptying out over there. Why do they have, it's just so miserable. Yeah, well, when I first got sober, all those little dumb sayings they used to say to me, my sponsor, one day at a time and keep it simple, stupid, and the one that always sticks out

is have no expectations you'll have everything you need. It always sticks out. It's like, if you don't expect anything, you go into these clubs and you expect them to treat you like a human. You expect them to treat you a dignity. You expect every crowd to be, listen and want to enjoy your show.

Be civil. Yeah, you just expect that. It's just, it's not gonna happen. Life isn't like that. Life is a fucking mess. Some days are fucking great. And some, like I had a day, I almost fucking divorced my wife on Monday.

No joke, I almost fucking, I almost put the car in park in the tunnel and left everything behind, like my apartment. I was ready, she doesn't, which my wife doesn't know is I'm a fucking psychopath and I will build bicks be. She knows it. I will build bicks be everything.

I will walk the fuck away. I'll go up to Maine and live in the fucking woods and hunt caribou. I will. That sounds awesome. You fucking happy, dude. I can't, you know what I want? I want things that really happen for you. I want you to succeed.

I want you to get a lot of fame in the next year. to succeed I want you to do a lot of fame in the next year like I want you to have a lot of it Dan I want you to have a lot of fame it's success because I just want to fucking see you tumble down that fucking roller coaster We a big fat head This the evil in your eyes You fucking on your way up as hall this c This cock suck. He's any Murphy in trading places in the middle of the movie. Before, you know what I mean? I can asshole. Yeah, wait, why in the middle of the movie?

Because that's when he was like, really? Yeah, he was at the restaurant and Dan, Dan Acquire was looking in and he was having, yeah, he should do this and he made the joke about the white people in the whole room. He was having a good time. Dan's just about to go to his office and find the fucking, find the numbers where they're stealing from the abesonment numbers. No, no, he's just about to go on the bathroom and hear them fucking say. Oh, the dollar bet.

Yeah, the dollar bet. We can't have a nigger working for us. Yeah. Well, you know what? Uh, thank you., you know what? Thank you. Do you know they leave that part in the movie? What?

They take out the swears on TV and TV places. They leave the part out where they say nigger. Well, the two old white guys say nigger. They leave it in. In the bathroom. They leave that in in the movie. They take out the swearing. But they leave the word nickr.

You didn't leave that in. That's like when you watch Casino and the sheriff or the commissioner goes, it's time we kick a cikes ass out of town. They bleep ass, they leave cikes in there. I think what Patrice did, tough crowd, and they wouldn't let him, he was talking about the sniper, the DC sniper,

and everybody thought it was a white guy, a white crazy guy, because that that's what you know, so Real cards. Yeah, they do know this weird shit and they want up he goes I want to be in a nigger in a buick they beep Buick because they weren't a sponsor Like what the fuck what a backwards ass. Oh fucking really is it's it's gonna be a tough one Joe It's gonna be a tough week and with all the shit, here's the thing too, is that, you got, we got so much shit going on. You personally, I know a lot of your shit you're doing. And there's other shit, some other shit I don't know. But I,

and we're doing a lot of shit together right now for the last eight months. Um, more than that, dude, it's been a full year. Okay. A year full year. You were in Aruba when the book thing happened. Okay. A full year. Okay, a year. A full year. You were in a rubah when the book thing happened. Okay. It's been a full year. Okay, so we've been doing this for a year. Yeah. And it's been a long haul, man.

A lot of work and we're kind of fucking getting frustrated with this shit because it should all been out by now. It should have been done and we should have, and it's not. It's fucking not. And we're coming, so it's, you get all that shit happening where it's anti- it's fucking not. Well, come in, so it's, you know, all that should happen in words. Antichlomactic now, it's not, oh my, it had the opportunity to be life-changing

and oh my God, after school special, wow, type shit. And now it's work. It's like any other job. It's anticlimactic, it's hard work, it's more work on top of more work. And maybe someday, maybe if these things happen, we can have that big moment. By that time, it's like the festivals, when you, you want the festivals so bad, but the

time you're like, ah, fuck them, they didn't take me, they don't want me, I don't want to do it. Then they want you to be in it, and you're like, ah, whatever, let's go. Are you happy to be here? I was happy to be here eight years ago. Yeah, Patrice told me once he goes, he goes, you never get anything at the right time in this business.

You either get it way too soon or way too late. So you either get it at a point where you're so fucking scared that you're gonna fuck it up, that you can't enjoy it, or you get it at a point that you absolutely don't give a shit anymore. But it's never right on time when you go, yes, thank you, this is right. Yep.

Some guys do. Some guys do. Very rarely. Some guys go, yes, thank you, this is right. Yep, some guys do. Some guys do. Very rarely. Some guys who, man, there's some fucking dudes who've had great careers, man, they just never stop. I mean, Jesus, like, holy, you can't help, but look at them and go, why? Fuck, why, God?

Why not me? What the fuck, you know, what did I do? What the fuck? And they got ghosts, I'll tell you what you did. And rattles off. And jerk off to a shamele four times. That's against fucking God. That's against God. That's a good rule.

That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule.

That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. That's a good rule. You're fucking cocks out there. Oh Jesus Christ. Maybe you know those people and they're fucking breaking every command into two, you know, it's like nobody's. Now, nobody in this fucking business is perfect. So it's a fucking, it's hard. And now you're gonna quit smoking.

Now you're gonna take away, here's what's gonna happen too. You're gonna go places that you smoked. You're gonna go to Vegas and be like, fuck. I used to go here and smoke at this time. You're gonna know to Vegas and be like, fuck. I used to smoke, I used to go here and smoke at this time. You're gonna know when you used to smoke, because that's your anxiety. You understand?

So before a show, you're gonna feel it. Af, right after you get off, you're gonna feel it. On certain types of shows, you're gonna feel it. In the morning, certain, like at night, before you go to bed or when you're at a bar, it's gonna be pleasing. I used to smoke right now. Before you get on a plane, I used to go to the sun,

I was like, why am I feeling, oh, I used to smoke right now. I played video games, I started playing video games, I haven't played video games in six months. They came out with a new call of duty. How is it? It's unbelievable. It's great. Is it the best one yet? Itin' believable. It's great. It's great. Is it the best one yet?

It's good, yeah. It's fucking cool. It's really good. And I got it. You know what I used to do when I used to play video games? Six months ago? Fucking smoke. Cup of coffee and a fucking astray and a pack of butts.

And I'd be just smoke and killin' motherfuckers. And I was playing yesterday like, oh, I had to put it down because I was like, I want to fucking figure it's so bad. But I'm done, it's great. I'm fat as fuck, but I'm so proud of myself. I sleep through the night, I can smell, I don't wake up coughing, I don't have heavy chest, like I have the acid reflex in the head,

but I don't feel like I'm gonna die. What do you mean when you see you sleep through the night? What would wake you up? Coughing? Really? Yeah, I'd wake up coughing. I'd, you know, and what, you know, that fucking flimshit was in my throat. Dan, are you gonna talk at all this time?

I mean, I'm just, I'm listening. Let me just read this email that this guy just wrote from, from whoever the fuck he is. He said, talk a little more about fly fishing, Rob. Joe, have you found any new training crushes? Hey, and Dan just sit there and be seen not heard. Oh, well, how did he know? I don't know but Phil knew I was doing what he asked. Yeah, you were and you know what now I'm gonna go against his orders Oh good I quit for a month. Nobody cares. Yeah, well, I'm gonna join in you tell me to talk you child

Yeah, you fucking everything's good for you. I quit and drinking. We'll look out for drinking. That's all I can tell you. Huh? Cause Bobby, Bobby doesn't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. But I'm telling you right now, drinking was I was doing fucking phenomenal for a month. I know that. I then got a little banged up. And then it fucking outside. And I was like, yeah, you know, I that. I then I got a little banged up and then it fucking outside and I was like, yeah, you know, I'll have one and then I'm back. My buddy told me when I was in college, he quit. He was a big smoker and he quit and he goes, uh, because you got to teach yourself to hate him, Dorosa. You got to teach yourself to hate him. That's the only way to do it. And, uh, he goes, I was, I always said I wouldn't be one of those ex-smokers that hate it, smoke, he's like, fuck that shit dude. I hate it. And he was a drinker and he goes every

time I want one, when I'm drinking, I take a big plug of beer, man. And I go, what's that to? And he goes, eventually I'm too fucked up to remember that I want to say. That's what fucking sucks. I mean, honest, it kind of bugs me, is that I don't have that out. Yeah, you can't cop that way. I know everybody, I know, not everybody. I mean, there's a few of my friends. You guys have that out. You guys get to go get a fucking shit face.

You get to go to a bar and have a drink, or buy somebody a drink. Do that fucking social horse shit, where you go, hey, you want to get a drink? Yeah, let's get a drink. Buy somebody, get a little fucked up, and bond a drink, or buy somebody a drink. Do that fucking social horse shit where you go, hey, you wanna get a drink? Yeah, let's get a drink, buy somebody, get a little fucked up and bond with people and go out and forget shit and have an excuse to be a fucking dickwad or whatever you did.

I don't get that. I don't have that. You also get to wake up every morning, feeling like, yeah, fuck, I can't stop. No, no, stop right there. I get to wake every morning feeling. I have to feel and feeling suck. There's no escape.

I don't have an escape. I don't get to go fucking, I don't want to feel this. The cigarettes are gone. That's why I'm a fucking fatso. I believe that's why people who are food addicts have it the worst because nobody gives a fuck. You're just fat Dude, it's brutal. It's brutal. I always fucking said I feel the most sorry for food addiction Because it's the only drug that you have to ingest three times a day

You know what I mean? It's like being an alky and somebody goes drink one beer at lunch That's it. Just one maybe two. That's it. It's like what are you fucking nuts? My mom's my mom's got my mom's very food dependent. No, I know Kidding I love you mom. You don't know her. I know but all my She does every time I love all you attacked and immediately backed up. She had to dance through it. That's something we talked about.

She's very food dependent. I feel sorry for her, man, because she doesn't drink. She'll have a drink once in a while. She doesn't give a shit, though. She stopped smoking when she was 22. She doesn't crave it. It's food, dude. She gets depressed and she wants to eat.

Well, here's the thing, too, is that most people, and this is my theory, is that people aren't fat until they get married and older, because all of a sudden, you're at a point in your life where you'll have kids or you'll have a house and you'll have money and you'll be able to buy groceries. Like, you can't. No, I'm poor, she can't.

So you have to make sure that when you eat, you can afford it. Yeah, right? Right. Are you all full food? I can buy whatever I want. My wife, I have a wife who's a square. She's not in the business. I have to worry about her doing a fucking set or an audition. Thank for the love of fucking God. Thank you. Honey, can you help me? Shut the fuck now. Oh my side. What do you think of these headshots? The fuck? Oh, you leaning on a brick wall? Go fuck yourself. The last thing I want is a fucking chicken the business. You reading the paper and looking up. Oh, I'm at the shift. So stupid head. Just glasses on in my shirt and a tie. Nothing else. Fuck you.

So I, you know, she can go out and buy it. She'll go out and buy fucking food for the week. I mean, now we're getting a new kitchen put in. The food in this house is gonna be fucking ridiculous. She's gonna cook all the time. She cooks breakfast. She cooks lunch. She's cooking dinner tonight.

It's like, when I was thin when I was growing up, I didn't have fucking money. When I was young comic, when I moved to New York, I would have to get like, noodles and noodles and chocolate-covered pretzels and fucking something from a deli. A little pound of boar's head, make you go through the week. Yeah. I have a sandwiches and cereal diet, so what I call it. That's what I eat. Sandwiches and cereal.

I eat. I eat. and cereal. I eat nut Cheerios and fucking a pound of Borhead turkey. When you can start, dude, Friday night after my show, Doug Signe was with me, open up for me, he goes, he goes, can't, I'm going to the steakhouse. Like, all right, I'll see you over there. I'm not hungry, go eat, I'll meet you there. I go and meet him. I sit down, he's eating a lobster roll. Oh, fuck, that looks

good, man. Like, can't give me a beer. I'm just sitting there. I go, let me see a menu. Yeah, guy puts it down. Appetizers, seafood tower. No, 30 bucks. I'm like, what is that? Just crab legs, lobster tail, shrimp and oysters. I'm like, yeah, give it to me. Yeah, I always wanted to eat a seafood tower. I've about this forever fucking give me it and it's just you just eat You much fucking cholesterol is in a seafood tower Dude, it's all shellfish. It's every sheds clams oysters shrimp crabs and lobster That sounds good though. That's all healthy food. No, that's shit. She selfish is riddled with cholesterol. Is it real? Yeah, yeah.

It's not as bad for you as like eating like bacon, you know what I mean? But I love the word bacon bacon bacon. Bacon. It's not like it's bacon. My point is what you're saying. It's just, I was just like, yeah, I'll spend $30 on this stupid fucking suit appetite. I go to steak. I got to stake houses now with my wife and drop fucking two bills. Like it's nothing. Do you know how long it's been since, if when I'm paying for my own meal,

if I jump the appetite, I've never jumped to on trades. I'm like, what appetizers do they have that's under $11? That you don't have an on tray. No, I just, I can't have like sandwiches. You gotta go burgers and sandwiches. They're always the same prices the apps do. So you don't even have a way to sit on tray. No, I can't have like sandwiches. You gotta go burgers and sandwiches. Yeah, always the same price as the apps, dude. So you don't even have a way to sit on it. So you don't even have a way to sit on it.

So you just started salivating. Really? Oh, you got a lobster. And crab? Yeah, they give you a dip in sauce. Oh, yeah, the hot butter. Yeah, I'm just gonna throw my foot. This is my point.

It was enough to fill a quarter of my stomach. I mean, it wasn't a ton of food. How come the microphone, Joe? It wasn't a ton of food. It was, microphone, Joe. It wasn't a ton of food. It was, you know, but that's what he's saying is like, and then we went back to the next night. Like, he got prime rib. He's like, yeah, we don't start serving until five.

Doug and me are like, that's too fucking late. Five is five to seven is nap time before the show. We can't. Doug's such a good talker though. He's like, he's like, this is Joe de Rousey's headlining the fucking club over. Come on, man. You got to hook us up. We're coming in at three. We won prime rib. The guys like all right Come in dog. I just went in fucking $50 fucking prime rib. Who's the who is Doug's in yay? He's a Boston guy, you know? I don't get the Boston. Yeah, maybe funny dude man. Good dude. I'll be the judge of that

But like you're talking about you that you can't go out and have a beer of stuff being a single guy if I give up drinking I don't know how I would meet girls. It's impossible. It's impossible. I don't know it would look I Hooked up with a girl once when I was stone sober and it felt so rapy Yeah, it's she's drinking and I was like having club soda. It was last year when I quit drinking for like six weeks. Yeah. And I was just like, so.

It's weird. Now listen, we, with genetics or genetics and we get dealt to hand, we get dealt, but it's always a very even hand for the most part. It's like, yeah, dude, you can't drink because you'll go off the rails, but you were in your prime 10 times better looking than Dan or I. So you didn't need booze because you had the look in the hair and the fucking abs and you got pussy. And then when you fell out of that,

you got married. And now you got that life. It's like, yeah, but here's a thing. We need booze to loob up the fuck the mood. Here's the thing though, is that I didn't I that my gift of gab I learned I when I first got so I got sober and I was 15. I didn't I remember I walk up to girls with a talk like about God and higher powers and you know, one day I was in fucking, you know high school trying to meet chicks and talking about God and you know fucking you know, one day I was in fucking, you know, high school trying to meet chicks and talking about God and, you know, fucking, you know, yeah dude, it was a creep. Well, here's what happened. Have you found the Lord?

Why is John Lincoln was talking to me about Christ right now? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Here's why it's sex a whole, like talking to me about. Here's the thing, here's the thing though is that I had to learn how to do, I hooked up with my friend Mark, Seiza, and he taught me how in AA, to fuck bitches, to scoop girls again, to talk to them,

and to get them horny and get them all worked up. And he taught me the reverse on the dictees, how they dictees you and make you so fucking nuts that you wanna fuck them so you nuts that you want to fuck them So you'll see them again and they'll keep cutting you off So you'd be like fuck it. They they build you up into a fucking, you know a lather and then they cut you down To fuck with yourself a steam and he was like you switch that you make out with them and rub their pussy's and rub They're in the thighs. You never touch the pussy and then you you know and then 20 minutes in you just Grace or pussy and she's gonna go and you're gonna go fuck it

Don't touch it again and then go look all right let me drop you off and you put her What and just make she's gonna fucking suck your dick anywhere anytime? You know you got a reverse roles and taught me all this shit How you keep your hands moving all all as you're kissing them? You keep your hands moving on their back and then you move kissing them, you keep your hands moving on their back, and then you move them over to the titties, and you keep getting them all worked up, so they're just as fucking horny as you

where they can't say no, and then when you pull your dick out. I got my back, I got my book, and I got my, I got my, go over that first part again. I used to, this guy was such a badass. I remember I met him at an AM meeting at a hospital, and a friend of mine, a sponsor of mine told me,

he goes, I just got out of rehab. I was in rehab for a year, solid. No women, just the fucking, didn't see my parents for a year. Wonduped back at my mom's house in Maldon, Mass, and all of a sudden it was like, what the fuck? This guy said, go to a meeting, don't get it right home. Make sure it's so far away from your house that you can't walk it

You need to ask somebody for a ride So I went to this meeting at a hospital young people's meeting bunch of hot chicks at this meeting and you know sober hot chicks and This is what hair bands were into so that type of hot Boston girl with the fucking these to hang upside down to do their hair And then whip it back up and and I asked this one guy he said no which fucking I still hate this guy to this fire. I hope he drank. Oh yeah, what a fucking. I hope he's right.

I'll be sudden this fucking. I hope he just main line heroin a week later. This dude walks in long hair skinny rock and roll kind of bouncing, you know that fucking cool. He walks in and I remember he came to the juvenile hall was in for an A meeting to speak. And I remember I was in a enamored by him, man, like holy shit, this is a cool dude who's in the program. And he walked in and I go, Hey, he goes, what's

up? I go, can you give me right home? He looked me up and down he goes, fuck yeah, dude, meet me here after the show goes over to the p.m. after the, not the show, the fucking the fucking meeting goes over to the piano, because it was a break, starts playing the piano. He was going to Berkeley, he was in, you know, he was a rocker, well, these chicks all come over. He's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then, I was like, what the fuck? Gave me right home that night, he goes, we go to go one place, we go to Big Fords, these three hot chicks, two other dudes, a biky guy and him, hang at Big Fords, and I'm just sitting there like, oh my god, I used to go with this dude, he would fucking bang broads, and I would sit in the car and wait, and he would come back out and tell me I did this, I did that, you get to do this, fucking, he was just, he broke him down like kind of like Patrice does, just a little less harsh, you know. You don't have to pimp them and fucking make them

your bottom bitch. You know what I mean? Because white girls are a little different, I think. They have a little more less self-esteem or they're a little less, not they lie to themselves more. Black girl, I think, I'm gonna suck your dick, relax. I had a black girl tell me that one time. I was trying to do all that white girl shit

on the black girl, grab her titties, grab her pussy, make out with her, and she was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm fucking you. We're fucking, I'm gonna fuck you tonight. Relax. And then she took my clothes off and folded them. Jesus.

I swear to God, it was the best sex ever. And that makes you give me crabs. But anyways. She gave you crabs? I think so yeah you think so did you have crabs or not I was fucking a lot of chicks back that we heard this red head oh this other bitch from revere I was banging Jesus I've banged a lot of chicks I know you have I've banged over 500 not banged had sexual experiences with over 500 and that's the trade off La última tendencia es en botas, comodidad 10 de los de 29 con 99.

Daishman, mucho por andar. Yo he hecho mi misión para... ...facar a los chicas y a los chicas. Y luego, cuando me va a comer, ¡Oh! ¡Oh! Yo he hecho de suerte, de suerte, de suerte. Y me he hecho de chicas. Oh, who boo. I had fucking hair, I had abs, and I had jick jokes.

Yeah, you had a getting pussy act. I had a good, I had a fucking. You still got a getting pussy act. No, I don't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Let me tell you how I'm getting my pussy. It has nothing in it. I say I don't like young people. I'm telling you something, though. It's not, it's not, I know I'm telling you something. Well listen to me, because I watch you.

Well we can do that, but you don't say I'm telling you, you don't say something like it's a fact, and then let me talk for 10 minutes to go, I'm telling you something now. No, no, no. I'm not your son, what? Listen. Go ahead. I just wanted to see where it really bad. I'm gonna have to go, I'm telling you something now. No, no. You son, what? Let's see.

Go ahead. I just wanted to see where it really bad. Now you did, you made it through. Now go ahead, make your point. I watch you a lot. It's not the material, it's the charisma, it's the person that's saying it. You could be up there talking about dead babies.

You'd still have a pussy getting kind of act because chicks find you cute and adorable and approachable. Oh, I get what you're saying. Yeah, the content isn't getting put, but my content used to be, I'm going to get some pussy. I would, I would never announce that I had a girl. Yeah. It would be girl, I had a girlfriend from before. Yeah, and I wouldn't even, I wouldn't even say that I have a wife. Never talk about having a wife. Oh, having a fiance or when I first started, you know. I started switching shit up around six years ago when I started really talking about my life on stage.

I never. It was always girlfriend. I had a chick or a girl, a blob of blood, and it was all horseshit. When it was a lot of stuff that I wrote, it was about my chick that I was wit. But I didn't want girls to think that I had a chick, you know. I pointed chicks. I remember fucking, you ever do this move. You're on stage you kill you dropped that fucking line

Boom go to the fucking piano grab a sip of water and then you look down at the girl and you give her a wink Yeah, the middle of the laughing in this your eyes just go Yeah, what's up? My god, you're like the Wilts Chamberlain of Comedy. I said to a girl I'm not even the worst. I know guysain of Comedy. I said to a girl, I'm not even the worst. I know guys who are, I mean, I said to a girl once that was true,

but it was just the greatest thing you could drop on a chair, I met her to show. And I hooked up with her after, and we were at the hotel and I go, I go, I go, I saw you when I was on stage. Like I said this while we were fucking around, I saw you when I was on stage, and I wanted to fuck you from the second I saw you when I was on stage. Like I said this while we were fucking around. I saw you when I was on stage and I wanted to fuck you from the second I saw you.

I had a hard time finishing my act because I always think I was fucking you. Oh, Dan, that's a panty dropper man. Well, you're already inside of her. No, I wasn't banging her yet. We were fooling around, but I'm just saying that's a fucking, it's a good one. My big dumb monster voice. I'm like, I saw you walking and I followed you around. Oh, God, fucking huge rape hands.

I'm gonna fight, I'm gonna chestplate. My eight feet, fucking hands. But it's addiction, the actual addiction personality. The person, what am I trying to say here? The person who, I think it's hereditary for one thing, because some people don't have it. My wife doesn't have an addictive personality. She has weed in the house that she's had for years.

She'll take a puff every once in a while, maybe once a year. This alcohol, she can have whatever she wants, booze-wise. She can have whatever she wants, if she doesn't get too fat. She doesn't get too drunk. She doesn't get too high You know I wish she was a little sludder, but you know what I mean? It's it's she doesn't have it but everybody I know has it you have it well I I really this isn't a justification you got it dude. This isn't a justification. I was like one it's it's a distinction said the word justification You fucking a cock suckers. I swear to God. They'll be out of the wall on anything you fucking I'm not an a cock sucker first of all

I do go to a but don't you fucking ever? Offend my friends I'll fucking send them down I'll send a bunch of ironworkers down here with fucking 25 years and they'll fucking crack you with a pipe How's that sound take it easy? Will you there's three? She's got real. Yeah, I don't like dance anything. Okay And we're done. Go ahead. Sorry for the rough. There's three personalities out there There's addicts. There's abusers and there's people that don't have a problem with either and

I know this dude. I'm an abuser. I'm not an addict. I put it down. I'm telling you dude I'm telling you Listen to me. I had three drinks last night. I was a little buzzed and I went I'm going to bed Addics can't do that. Addings go. I got to keep going. I got to keep going I'm not gonna I would, ever in a million years fucking sit here and argue if you're an alcoholic or not. That's not my place. If you're a healthy, recovering alcoholic, you'd never get into that scenario because it's

up to you to make that decision. That's why in the A.A. meetings you'll, I'm Robert, I'm an alcoholic. Right. You're saying that you are. Right. I would never say that, Joe. And I never, ever, have fucktied you on any of your books. But what I'm saying, though, is I'm not saying one is better than either. Get that long Grinch finger out of my face. Why stop you, you're conducting. You're seep by suicical. I just stop you right now. I said the other day to, I think it was dawn. I said, You're conducting. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal.

You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal.

You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal.

You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciacal. You're seeing my suciac. showing her a video of the new show that I got, the U-Haul truck thing. And she said, oh, this is nice, then his stupid text comes in. And you know, the new iPhone rolls up the top. It says, thinking of you, and it's just, make it, but he has a, he has a, fuck, he looks, he has the same exact body.

He looks like the Grinch, but not Green. You shaved the Grinch. No, no, he's just the Grinch, but not Green. The same, he has a fucking, who's who face and body, no, it's just the Grinch, but not green. The same. He has a fucking who's who face and body. Yeah, it's horrible. It's awful. It's fucking hilarious.

I remember walking into your hotel room and you were just on your hotel bed is just awful. Yeah, but there's something. There's something comfortable about Joe's body. Like you could find a little crevice, like to put your head. Because all these little round little bumps. The ladies like it. They find me very fuddley. The ladies don't like themselves. The ladies don't like themselves, but they like me. I gotta give a

shout out right now real quick to this guy who his name is Matt Mirristine. He's at host Maddie on Twitter. Fucking great guy, great guy. He actually got the name, the Robert Kelly show. Twitter, for me, held it for me and they gave me the password because I forgot to do it. So I have the name of the show, really good guy

and I said, this is so funny. This is how guys work. I said, do you want me to plug anything? And he goes, the only thing I can think of is beer farts. I have beer farts in their putrid. And I can't even stand it. At least sweet and sour stench. That's great. That's what he wanted to plug. Anyway, dude's dude, but I get it. That's great. I get it. Beer farts are the worst. That and steak farts You have a big fucking steak port house steak. How about garlic farts? Oh I'm like eating too much pasta and shit

Worse parts around a fucking many fast farts. Who the fucking worse? What was I talking about though? You talking about it I'm with the Grinch thing fucking aids But I keep how you can have a drink. Yeah, you can have a drink and put it in your own abuser. I'm an alcoholic and he is a nothing. I he's somewhere in between, I don't know yet. But I mean, look, it's one's not worse than the other. It's just two different things. It's just two different things because in,

and you know, the positive of an addict is an addict can go, I'm recognizing I'm an addict. I've got to stop and they stop. The negative of an abuser can be, I don't think I'm an addict so they keep going and conceivably do more damage. Whereas the proven abuser could be, hey man, I don't drink to the point of being black to fuck out. You know, whereas an addict, it's six and a half a dozen the other.

But none of it's good. None of it's good. You know, I was smoking with a comic the other night, and I'm not gonna say his name because I don't know if he hides the fact that he smokes from his wife or not. I'm not sure. What was it?

Peacoreally? No. I'm not sure if he wasn't. Of course I'm kidding. That's all he does is smoke weed and drink. Fucking have cigarettes. But I was smoking a cigarette comic, and I go, he goes, I've been bumming for 20 years.

He goes, I can put the, I can live with her without these fucking things, I don't care. And he goes, I've been smoking like this for 20 years. One here, one there, two, and I was, like, God dammit, man. I can't do that because it's not like when I wake up, I go, I need a cigarette because that's what I have to do for my body for the day. It's my fucking anxiety kicks in.

I start getting worried about shit. You turn that way and you can't hear you. Sorry. I get worried about shit and I smoke to take my mind off of it. If we have to have a meeting to write on the phone, I start, my anxiety starts going and I go, I need to pace and smoke to take my mind off of this a little bit. Joe, I want you to come to my house and I want you to grab the Lollipop thing I have. I have a million Lollipops in a jar because that was the worst.

That's when I remember that two weeks, I almost, I really got fucked up because we were in the middle of writing. The book, we were finishing the, we had to write the book shit again and we had to do the secret project and I quit smoking that week. I Fucking almost kill I couldn't do it my brain shut down because I smoking right I sit on the computer Astray cup of coffee. I'm typing away. Take a fucking hall Fuck oh my god, it fucking it was almost a beautiful Creative fucking medley thatley that I had going,

that it made me more creative. A cup of coffee and a pack of fresh cigarettes made me want to fucking go and create. It was almost like I could just see myself as this edgy little French titan. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Did it took that away from me?

I was like, oh my God, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to write again. It fucking made me nuts. And Lollipop's gum, it didn't, it doesn't help, it doesn't take it away totally, but it helps. It helps. Well, remember the last time I quit? Yeah. We were working in the 3.30 in the morning.

And the time before that? And I fucking snapped. Yep. We were, I was at the end of my rope, we were working at his house to like 3.30, literally 3.30 in the morning and the time before that and I fucking snapped yep We were I was at the end of my rope to we were working at his house to like 3.30 literally 3.30 in the morning and I Fucking snapped so bad because I quit smoking. He's gonna give me a massage Yeah, he's going come on buddy. You got this and I was like give me a fucking cigarette right now And he wouldn't do it. I was like do give me a fucking I can, I can't take it. And he gave me one and I started smoking again.

And then I was really heavy. This has been my worst stunt with smoking. Well, here's the thing is, I don't smoke now, which is good. I'm here to support you. I won't give you that cigarette now, but Dan Will. I will not. I'm kidding.

I will not. I will not. Dan and me are not good for each other. Just Dan will be like, I'm trying not to drink tonight. And I'm like. Yeah, Dan's I will not I will not Dan and me are not good for each other Yeah, I'm trying not to drink tonight. I'm like, yeah, you're pussy. He's like all right fucking me I mean, I'm trying not to fucking bang chicks with Dicks. I you fags. Yeah, okay, let's do it Let's go I think you know, it's it's sad too, man It's it's sad it's hard because I get so many emails from fat dudes

who are trying to lose weight. I get a lot of emails from people quitting cigarettes. And it's fucking hard. It's, I think weight is the worst one because it does something to you physically you can actually look at. I mean, cigarettes, you can't see your lungs dying. But cigarettes, you can still feel the shittiness of.

You can feel the shittiness, but you kind of get used to it. You get used to, I woke up four or five times a night for the last fucking years, and I'd cough in the morning, all that shit, that's just what I didn't. I got a couple of coffees smoked to cigarette, and I was good to go. Yeah, and I remember the first time we worked together, you were just fucking puttin cigarettes down like you'd be like, all right,

two more. I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette. I'm like, I can't. I can't. I smoke too. Where do we work? Delhi. Oh, yeah, yeah. You were just fucking just on the car ride home. Just chain smoking. Did he used to smoke spirits? Oh, like that. He smoked American spirits like that. A to smoke spirits. Oh like that. He smoked American spirits like that. A tell smoke spirits. Yeah. I don't get. He doesn't smoke that as heavy as he used to, but you guys both like you would just smoke spirit after spirit. Oh my God. Because you can't I mean it's such a stressful life is

stressful. This fucking thing that we're going through right now, it fucking, for the most part, it's hard, it blows. And that, you know, you gotta be positive. You do, because you'll kill yourself. You gotta try to be happy. But I don't wanna be happy. I get mad, I get jealous, I would say. When I know that people get to smoke weed and drink and eat whatever the fuck they want,

it's like, dude, I don't have those problems with dude. I work out every day so I can eat what I want or, dude, I do this and it's like, yeah, I can't, I'm fucked up. I get mad at you because you're a fucking, you're a better human being than me. But that doesn't make him a better human being. I'm being sarcastic.

Okay. You know what I mean? I think about that one. No, I being. I'm being sarcastic. Okay. You know what I mean? I think about that one. No, well, I mean, I'm like, I can't. It sucks that you are you. Yeah. And that I'm me.

It's just horrible. It stinks. It fucking blows. I hate that I can't go get pizza right now. Because I'll eat a whole pie. I'll eat the whole pie. You know, I went to Lucky's last week. Everybody got a hamburger and french fries. I got a double large fry and two hamburgers. No problem putting it down. Oh, dude.

I went to McDonald's the other night with a brood. And spend their classy days. Well, we were just out having a couple beers and she's like, I'm hungry and I go me to and I go, I go, I'm craving McDonald's. She goes, oh, let's go, yeah, let's go. Right, right. Which was cool. We went in. Get a nice number three in an HJ. Dude, I go, what do you want? She goes, I don't know, like a 10 piece McNugget.

I was like, you want anything else? She goes, I have a big Mac, I guess. Jesus. Right? I'm like, good for you. Good for you, right? I know, is that it? She goes, yeah.

And I go, all right, let's take a big Mac, big nugget. Then give me another big Mac, but the meal And a quarter pound of with cheese And she's like god damn damn it. I'm like yeah, whatever the guys ring it up and I go throw a mick rib in there too Wow, oh mick rib is back. Yeah, it's back. Oh, and it's back full effect and I fucking ate almost all of it Yeah, almost all of it feels good, right? How good did it feel? Yeah, it feels great. How did you bang the check? We fooled around. Yeah, it's fucking a lot of new. It's great Yeah, it was great. Do we put fucking golden girls on?

He's got a 65 year old. Yeah, are you banging? No, she banging my aunt Peggy I don't know how you can tell me nothing. You don't feel like shit after you eat that? Dude, I've been doing that for so long. I can't do that. My body is like, bro, I got this shit. I bought three, I bought a burger king around the corner for my apartment, I bought a chicken sandwich,

a chicken living, and they get out. You know, that's the burger king's go-shut up, they're waiting to take it. It's better than McDonald's. What? Which she's even they get out Shut up Both you really walker is better than a big man. Oh, fucking it. That's not no, I think I bet yeah, you better take it It's better than a quarter pounder. I'm flopper is better than a quarter pounder. Oh Fuck you fucking both and I stand by it. by it. The double stacker is amazing. And I like the chicken sandwich. I am not wrong. Burger King fans unite.

But I had three sandwiches and I thought I was gonna fucking die. I had a double stacker of chicken sandwich and a wopper. And I wanted to die. Hold on a second, let me just tweet. You know what? So I'm doing it right now.

I'm saying this, I was saying this, can you help us out? Dan Soda just told me in Joe De Rosa that fucking Burger King is better than fucking McDonald's. McDonald's has better fries. But the sandwiches? Sandwich wise? No, I go Burger King.

I go Burger King. I don't care. You're an asshole. I am an asshole Then I'm an asshole. You're an asshole. Good fine Burger King's delicious and I hope I get free Burger King for Santa something. You're not gonna get anything for saying that Well, I know I'm gonna get a bunch of shit with it. You want to do me? You know, I know fuck that Wendy's is better than all of them I love Wendy. Yeah, that's not what you said stupid. I don't care. McDonald's is not better than Wendy sucks. Wendy's is not so.

The Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr. is better than all of them. All right, I'll give you that. Carl's Jr. Have you ever had Carl's Jr.? Yeah, have I. Who the fuck are you talking to? Yeah, I've had it plenty of times.

Carl's Jr. is way better than Wendy's McDonald's. Listen, you only think it's better because you only get it once in a while at an airport in L.A. because they don't have it here. I go up and call Ronald and we had him and they were fucking delicious. It's just like Jack in the Box. I love Jack in the Box. Jack in the Box is better. Don't even don't you ever compare Jack in the Box in Carl's Jr.

Jack in the Box is awful. Are you kidding me to kill the Box in the Box in the Box? You're awful. Compared to Carl's Jr. Okay, you guys are both tweeting away and that's fine. Well, we're fucking tweeting and we need to fucking make sure. Okay, you guys are both tweeting away and that's fine. Well, we're fucking tweeting. We need to fucking make sure that you know you suck. I don't suck.

You're wrong. No, I'm not. You're wrong. No, I am not. I'm gonna go eat Burger King to spite you guys right now. Burger King stinks. The chicken sandwich, it's not delicious. The chicken sandwich, yeah, I'd rather,

I'd first of all, I'd rather get McDonald's anything before they're fucking chicken sandwich. They're burgers stink and the fries are fucking awful. The fries aren't as good as McDonald's, I'll give you that. No fries are as good as McDonald's. No, McDonald's doesn't. No fries are as good as McDonald's. All right.

You know what I used to do? I used to do this like little goofy hustle that my friend taught me in college. It worked like a fucking charm because they didn't used to give you receipts at the fast food places back there. Yeah. I'd go.

I'm fucking annoyed. I'd fucking white trash asshole. Hold on. You know what? I'm gonna garbage. Yeah, tell me like. Ha ha ha ha. It's called you fucking garbage.

Oh, I'm fine. I'm fucking doing it. You are. I don't like you got a haircut for the Guinness. I didn't get a haircut. Yeah, you did Okay, I did yeah, you did We did did your masters tell you had to get your haircut Dan soda has the same haircut as the fucking show the monster on bugs bunny Fires it right down the middle you're the He does. He does. He fires it right down the middle. You're the show. You shut the monster down the middle. So I got it in it. It's parted down the middle, Alfa Alfa hair.

Oh fuck both of you. You know what? Fuck this. Wait a minute. I'm gonna cigarette after this and eat burger king. Good. Go ahead. Have a cigarette. Wow. Not cool. Not cool, Bobby. I used to do this thing when I was in college. I drive to first I drive to the McDonald's I go yeah, I was here a couple minutes ago I got a big Mac meal and you gave me a quarter pounder instead of a big Mac and they go Okay, just pull around pull around the fucking just give you a big Mac drive off Then I go over the Wendy's yeah, I was here a minute ago. You guys didn't give me my soda

Real problem. Wow drive over to Burger King Then I go over the Wendy's yeah, I was here a minute ago. You guys didn't give me my soda real problem Wow, do I have over the burger cake? Hey guys, you forgot my fries and my order. I'd get a whole fucking meal like that, dude Wow, I would do that all the time at college and One time dude, I almost got close when they first started doing the receipts. Yeah, I went to Wendy's I go yeah, I was here earlier and I ordered a chicken whatever sandwich you gave me a burger. And they go, do you ever see it? And I go, no. And they go, all right, come in, just come inside, well, whatever. So I go into the fucking restaurant, stand in there, I'm telling the guy what happened. I'm making the whole thing up. It's all

lie. He goes, you don't have a receipt, huh? And I go's all lie yeah he goes you don't ever see huh I go no and he goes we were supposed to what I go I ordered a chicken meal you give me a burger and he goes okay hold on a second did he walks off for like 10 minutes dude I'm fucking sweating bullets yeah I'm gonna go to jail over fucking chicken sandwich right he comes out he hands it to me he goes all right man, sorry about that. I make a B line for the door, because I'm so scared I'm gonna get caught. Where the God, the manager comes out.

He's going, sir, sir, excuse me, sir. Sir, could you come back here please? Sir, I'm ignoring them. Ah, fuck, somebody finally goes, excuse me, that guy's calling you, the manager's, and I'm just caught, I turn around, I go, yeah, and he goes, could you come here for a minute? I walk all the way back to the counter, dude. I am so fucking scared. And I go, yeah, and he goes, sorry about the confusion. And he gives me a frosty. And he goes, that's all I know.

Ah! Ah, you fucking suckers! Ah, how great suckers. Ah, ha ha ha. How great is that, you see? That's fucking, I actually want to go do it right now. Can't do it anymore, is that asking for the receipt now? Yeah, we could do it. We could do it.

How, how? I can't do it in this fucking city, cause it's no drive to a fucking, I went to a goddamn, where'd I go? I went to a, I think it was a fucking Burger King. The Burger King old classic chicken sandwich, is that what you say? The classic, yeah.

Is it the one that you sliced down the middle that they don't do that anymore? Yeah, you mean the fucking cardboard, Burger King. The Burger King Old Classic Chicken Sandwich. Is that what you're saying? The classic, yeah. The one that he sliced down the middle that they don't do that anymore? Yeah, you mean the fucking cardboard fucking chicken sandwich that I used to like when my taste buds were fucking that of a 19 year old? Fucking, you need money. Oh, my youth.

You need money. That's why he's never tasted good food. That's why he's a shit palette. Because this fucking poor wretched open mica is... Yeah, to to him like a whopper is like a good burger. It is a good guy. This is the way they'd make it in a fancy restaurant. It's got lettuce on it. You idiot.

Oh, cheese. That's what's so good about McDonald's is you're going back to a place when you you you understand what's good about it I understand that you can't get that this fucking I'm fucking arranged right now. I know right I'm sorry this fucking guy just said shake shack is ridiculous. It's good Shake shack you'll get you'll get stomachache Get it for shake shack. No, you want to be ready. Yes. It's fucking good. Shake shack is not good Do shake shack is the shake shack's been on the food network.

No, it's not good. Dude, you're not think you're thinking of staking shake. Oh, yeah, you're right. Shake shack is shake is good. I apologize. I'm taking stake. What's the one? Staking shakes the one on the road.

The black and white. Yeah, that's fucking shit. Yeah, like in. Sorry. All right, now it's not awful. It's awful. Shake shack's the shit, dude. Shake shack is good. I apologize.

I'm telling you right now though, fucking Carl's Jr. Yep, and they're fucking the one with the lettuce with no bun for you fatties out there. You never tried that. Here's the deal. You can go now to Carl's Jr. If you're a FATSO, you want to get a burger that's going to knock you socks off,

you get the lettuce burger. It's lettuce, they put five pieces of lettuce on either side as the bun, so you don't get the carbs. I do that with tacos now, instead of buying the kit, I do it as lettuce wraps. Do you ever remember fucking taco on a lettuce wrap? No, it was a kid. Oh god.

Dude, it's fucking great, because you put lettuce on the taco anyway. So you just get rid of the stupid shell, you have a lettuce wrap taco, it's fucking delicious. That sounds good. It sounds so great, because you put lettuce on the taco anyway. So you just get rid of the stupid shell. You have a lettuce wrap taco. It's fucking delicious. That sounds good. So good, dude.

And I swear to God, it's good in a way that you're like, not like for a diet thing, this is good. You're like, this is fucking good. This is what's fucking bugging. Everybody saying that Burger King is, McDonald's fries are better. Yes, okay, they're better. Yeah, we agree.

But it's a are better. Yes. Okay, they're better. Yeah, we agree. But it's a better place. McDonald's has better burgers, better menu. I don't know there's something better about it than fucking, you even get a fucking a goddamn quarter pounded with cheese. This guy just said, Roy Rogers beats them all. Oh, he should die. I beg your orders.

What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? That's Truckstar. He's a truck driver. Garon, he's a truck driver. That's a truck stop. Look, I love Roy Rogers for two reasons. Number one, you get those fucking fried chicken drumsticks

with your burger. Number two, Fictions bar. The Fictions bar is nice. But that's like a shitty footruckers. People are fucking actually. No, I'd prefer Roy to fun-rockers. Now here's what I'll say, and I'm not putting this above anything. I and W burgers are pretty good.

Okay, I figured it out. I'm looking at the Twitter, Twitter's going fucking ballistic right now, okay? Here's a deal. I know why. I figured it out, Joe. The fucking, the listeners, the people on the Twitter have fucking, have uncovered a clue of why monster voice loves Burger King better. Why?

The dollar menu is a better, is better than McDonald's. Way better. So there it is you fucking. Way better. I love the twist. I love the twist. Wendy's dollar menu is the best. Oh, dude. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You know what else you can do? I'm gonna go there right now, three bucks in my pocket. I eat like a fucking king. Is that all you have?

I got some change. I bought a T. I'm gonna give you a 20. This is a two listen. No, I got spots. Listen, I wanna say something right now. I'm gonna tell you right now, if somebody had donated,

we're gonna go this what we do every week. If we get one, I'll give them all over to us. If we get one donation, now the donations I'll tell you have dropped off on this podcast. They were really up there. Because they're mad, they're crazy.

Here's one thing. I have changed the donation button too. It was $10 and $20 and you get the DVD. Joe Geros, you just picked your shirt off. Do you see how it shimmied after he dropped it? He looks, you have it. Give us some of those channels when they flak in. he looks him even Give us see those channels when they fucking what is that the what's that museum that they have with the bodies exhibit

Ripley's believe it or not The fucking No, I love it. I love it when somebody's the first one to trash the Waiting around for it. Fuck it. Do it. Listen, Kaffelta fish belly. He really is just as the consistency of cold dumplings. It's true. Is the donations have died off a little bit on the podcast, which is fine. You know, whatever.

Hey, whatever. We were getting, you know know, people really supporting the podcast They're for a little while really don't it? But I had the 10 and the 20 20 dollars you get the CDD CD robber Kelly live that is over. I can't do that anymore. No more CDs. I can't give away a Free CD anymore because of the CD a robber Kelly live was actually Gonna be CD anymore because the CD a Robert Kelly live was actually going to be stand-up live I think they're called the record company stand-up. Is that what they call it? Stand-up records? Stand-up records actually purchased Robert Kelly live.

That's good. I was giving it away and I got in trouble so I can't give it away anymore. I apologize. It's my first album that's out there. They have it and I was giving it to people. I can't do that anymore. So I changed have it. And I was giving it to people. I can't do that anymore. So I changed it up. The donation page now is whatever you want. You can donate a dollar, you can donate five, you can donate a thousand if you want, whatever you want.

And again, if you don't want to, you don't fucking have to. This is always going to be free. But it has helped out a lot. All the stuff we've done, we got a new design, we got new all this other, we got a lot of shit coming down, the coming down after the new year too, that's gonna really help out. Glory hole and the podcast and everything.

It's gonna be, and your donations are helping. So we're gonna check right now, real quick about the donations. If we do get a donation, we give poor Dan Montsdevois a 20. Right. To help him eat. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah.

Number four Wendy's. This fucking cock sucker, you're the big Guinness rep now. What does that mean? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I haven't gotten money yet. He's got more money than I do now. No, I haven't gotten paid.

No, and I haven't gotten paid. My fucking paid. When you get paid, you will. Well, when I get paid, I'll like McDonald's better than burger. Especially because you have no reps to pay out either. You got a manager. I got my mate there, that's it.'s better than brother especially because you have no reps to pay out either You got a manager. I'm a man. That's it. Yeah, you have somebody I have a manager who's your manager? I'm with brilstein

But you know here we go lucky that no agencies will touch you with a fucking nom kidding all right Let's look let's look let's look. You ready payments view transactions. What's today's date fellas? 20th 20th or 20th? 20th. And we've got nothing. Oh, that's good. You have outside. You have nothing. Well, you know what, the last Wendy's has such a phenomenal dollar menu.

Yeah, I mean, I mean, I wasn't done talking about that shit. We're not done. I just, I just needed, I needed to, I wanted to help, you know, monster voice out a little bit or, or if you, maybe you don't know him as, maybe you know him as, it's a goddamn gain of fight. That is dead. You fucking ass. Why don't you just go up and speak to people and scare them into giving you money fucking creep voices Screase me people are actually fucking saying that they like they're siding with them They're siding with how's that feel guys? How's that feel? They're wrong. Holy shit what? Yeah, Twitter is going nuts. Yeah, it is going nuts. Not a whopper is not better

I do like the meteor general called it fucking garbage dog food No, it's not better. I do like the me or general called it fucking garbage dog food. Yeah, there's a lot of people in CPI agrees with us. Dominic is with me. Who is Mike? The Mike Frizz. He's with me. God bless you, sir.

He said this guy said I assume Dan doesn't need Fritz fries. You sicko. I really need SIGs than BK fries. That's fucking Eric is not so funny. Thank you guys for being here for Green that their burgers are better. God damn it. Somebody named Larry King just emailed me. Larry King who?

And I got excited. I thought it was like Larry King. You are a fucking jackass. Are you kidding me? Nice message. I appreciate his message. What does it say? She says I love your work.

I hope you make it down south sometime in the near future. Have a great Thanksgiving. Very his message. What does it say she says I love your work? I hope you make it down south sometime in the near future have a great Thanksgiving very nice message. All right Well save that horse shit for your fucking personal life not lie the podcast Well, you I just saw Larry King and I got all excited Larry King eat well, I mean we don't want good shit on this podcast. Joe. I love the podcast Eric is not funny It that was really that's actually a great tweet. Yeah It was a fucking great tweet even though that guy is a continent. I'm kidding is a nice guy Oh, hey, I'm kidding. I got the same thing from fucking Larry King actually wants to know we got it Just that him Larry King emailed the podcast to And we're actually I'm thinking of getting you guys your own email on the glory hold. Do you want that?

You already did no, that was your email that it goes to. For another nine and one. I'm gonna come to my email. Okay, here's the deal. We just did a whole redesign. You know what, dude, podcast, logo, everything. And on gloryholeradio.com slash robber Kelly, if you go to the page, we have a whole new design I made up. I paid for you guys help pay for And we got a logo gonna have t-shirts coming out and we changed it so don't joderosa and Dinsuit are up there if you guys want to email them a tweet them

You can go right to the glory whole radio dot com slash robberk. Don't talk over the promo dick shit Especially with that fucking deep voice Go in email them. I wrote you can email fucking swamp thing and Joe Dero so I could deform Ray Romano voice right from glory. Oh, I'm a Robert and the new and the new donate button.

Everything's up there and actually my photos up there. I don't know if you guys saw it. You so you're saying you and the new donate button, everything's up there. And actually my photo's up there. I don't know if you guys saw it. So what you're saying, you like the new logo? Yeah, that's it. I like it too. I actually got one guy, said he hates it. Who cares? I do, it hurts.

Don't. Don't let it hurt. I know, I'm kidding. Yeah, the new logo's up there. We're going to get some t-shirts made up so you guys can actually buy some t-shirts and we'll give some out with the little dude. With the, you know what, logo is up there. We're gonna get some t-shirts made up so you guys can actually buy some t-shirts And we'll give some out with the little dude with you know what dude on there Oh, I don't know dude You know what dude

The I'm I could there I was I can't believe everybody's siding with this fucking Pergokin is better white castle shits on them both now that fucking does why castles awful Here's why white castle is look why I'll eat it. I like it. No, it fucking does not. White castle is awful. Here's why white castle shits. Look, I'll eat it, I like it. Yeah, I'll eat it just fine, but here's why it's shit. Okay. When I was a kid, we didn't have white castle. They were alone, because you had no family.

And you were adopted. And me and my fake parents hang out. I'm gonna fake family dinner. Oh, woo! Now when I was a kid, they didn't have white castles on Pennsylvania. They still don't, as far as I know. And my mom bought me the frozen white castles. I had the same fingers, right? The microwavable?

With onions on them? Yeah. So I got them. I was like, yeah, the fine. They just taste like microwave hamburgers, whatever. And I was all excited. One day I want to get the real burgers. And I finally got them when I moved to New York. And I was all excited. One day I wanna get the real burgers. And I finally got them when I moved to New York

and they tasted exactly like the fucking microwaveable. And I'm like, that's shit, that stinks. It should taste better than that. Yeah, it doesn't. Yeah, but it's the actual white castle burgers. Look, if I would have loved white castle, then got the frozen ones. I would have been like, this is the shit.

Right. But when you do it the other way around, you're like, you gotta be kidding me. It tastes the fucking same. It's like if you went to Taco Bell, and you're like, really? It just tastes like the home kit that you buy. It stinks.

The Lunchable version of it? It's, you know, it was, those onions. Yeah, the pizza hut Lunchables. Burger King is way better. You know, I'm videotaping Dan right now He really does have the same haircut as the shoulder monster. Yeah, I know it's hilarious. Look at that fucking thing It just want to seem good as fingernails done like you're doesn't look hard to You're about to go on a date with bugs bunny

I think I think lucky burger is fucking great Well, and now I can't fuck with Shake Shack. What about you? Never been to Shake Shack. We can't. Never been. You just said that you thought it was good. Well, you saw it staking.

Staking Shake, I said was bad. Yeah, and I heard, I know that Shake Shack is good. I don't, I don't, I heard it was good. I'm telling you something, you get Shake Shack, you're gonna go. Fuck you, Lucky Burger. What about? I love Crinkle Fries. What about I love Crinkle fries.

What about the cheese hold on. I know I'm the third wheel. You're not. You're not. Let me finish. You're not the third wheel. You're not even a wheel on this. You're a wheel.

Here we are. Let me tell you about two things that are related to this. Okay, you're gonna go to Shake Shack. I'm going to Shake Shack. And they're not gonna have cheese, or crinkle fries, but what they do have is cheese fries with a fucking white cheese sauce. Why?

Never had. And you're gonna eat that with your delicious burger. They also have a peanut butter chocolate milkshake. You're gonna be out of your fucking mind, man. You're gonna be out of your fucking mind. You're gonna be out of your fucking mind. And then one day when you come to Philly, I'm gonna bring you to Steve's Princess Stakes. It's called. It's Cheese Stake Place. You know what they have at Steve's Princess Stake Boys? White American cheese sauce

that they drizzle on your fucking cheese steak and then they have a whole bar of hot peppers and you just put hot peppers on the fucking white cheese, American cheese with so. So fucking good, dude. It is so fucking good. Tell you, dude, you're gonna forget all about like earlier. Look at my mouth. Look at my mouth.

Yeah, it's gross. Fucking, my mouth is watering. The LL Cool J lips right now. You're going to forget all about my mom. Yeah, it's great. I'm out this water. The LL Cool J lips right now. Go down there tonight with you if you want. I can't fucking dance cooking wheat pasta. I'm too fat man. I went to the doctors. I did a stress test.

You know the stress test is you jogging on a fuck. You're on this treadmill and he gets you got my heart rate up to 165. A stress test is them measuring Bobby's stress after they told me couldn't eat chips of who anymore. It's actually okay. Actually it's just putting Dorosis CD in. You know, man, this is the thing with the world. Man, some women in general are dead. I know, I'm just up there preaching to nobody. Nobody cares.

Um, he, yeah, it was fucking bad. And I, but everything is good except my high blood pressure, not, not crazy high. He was trying to put me on pills. I wouldn't take them. And I had get their swollen ankles That's not good. That's from salt. Yeah, that's not good. No, so I got to cut the salt out I got a the sodium actually. I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna go to I'm gonna start going to the gym tomorrow

I'm gonna go back to the gym. I'm gonna Start eating correct and now we that will be the next phase of the next six months of my life will be work and going to the gym that's it that's it uh... uh... i'm gonna get through the six

you can get through it yep i'm gonna give into the food thing for right now to get through it and then my plan is after christmas or hopefully before to start starting hitting that gym again. Like, you know what, dude? We should, I'll be with you. And Dan, what do you got going on, I expect, except the newness of life.

I'm just gonna wake up every day, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I'm gonna try to quit smoking here by the end of the year. No, that's fine. Really? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I want to quit again. I don't like Dan's on his fucking off your phone your fucking I was reading the tweets It doesn't matter. I read the tweets on the fucking podcast you talk to me

All right, you don't fucking get on your dumb droid You got at a discount I got it actually because I signed a new contract you did Verizon really you droid no, no, no, I got I'm gonna I want an iPhone I'm gonna wait for like 20 months two more months. You did? Verizon. Did you get a new droid? No, no, no, I got the, I want an iPhone. I'm going to wait for like two months, two more months. You got to be up already, dude. You've had that phone longer than I've had my iPhone with Verizon. I'm eligible for an upgrade already.

All right. You got a great amount. I don't like fucking, and a Dan is changed. How did I change? I don't know. He got more humbles since he's been to fucking Ireland and with the fucking world. I got more hum world.

Yeah, he's got like some thing going on about him. Like a couple weeks ago he was you know, raw and fucking like me and you just out there being honest fucking and now he's just sitting there polite, you know, on his phone. Well, maybe it's because I took a fucking beating on the last podcast. You should have. I know I should have tried to come on. I'm gonna watch what I save a little more now. You try to come on. I'm gonna watch what I save a little more now You try to come up for anyways listen. He's a corporate rep now No, I'm not no, I'm not you told you

You would tell what to say what not to say, you know, I know you do that podcast Dan But you know watch what you say let them watch those guys do what they though. Yeah, you know what Dan Maybe she's going all the time maybe you guys are a little upset that I proved to point that Burger King sandwiches are better than McDonald's sandwiches and the Twitter followers agree. Fucking sickling planet. You're the best. Better than McDonald's.

McDonald's fries are better. Everything is better at McDonald's. No, it's not. The shakes. What about breakfast? What about breakfast? The breakfast is a god Yeah, oh my god god damn it. I don't give a shit dude the Egg Mcmuffin is still the number one god damn breakfast sandwich on the planet It's the best sandwich with a fucking the hash brown the hash brown they make put the hash

Peter put the hash brown on the No, I never did that. I said it call. Oh, don't want... I like the hash brown separate, no ketchup, because I like to taste the hash brown. No, it's great, dude. Dude, I don't care how many hotels I've been to, how many nice fucking breakfast buffets or the guy makes you the omelette. None of it can stand up to a sausage McMuffin with egg.

That fucking sausage with the cheese. Oh my God. And the... And the McMuffin is a real McMuffin. It's a muffin. It's a McMuffin, man. It's a muffin. I'm not arguing that.

Oh, okay, God. What did you say? I'm with the little juxtaies to give you. Oh, we're at the tin foil cap. I like the tin foil cap. Yeah, and I missed that. That fucking prison juxtaie. Yeah.

Yeah. I missed that, I know. I'm like a miss it. Now they put it in the cup and they give you straw.s. Yes, give you that fucking you know what I do though I go fuck the orange juice give me two of those apple juice boxes. Oh, hmm. They got drink boxes of apple juice I get those I just get soda in the morning I'm gonna respect that you get fucking soda in the I kind of got to respect that to you I spray I

Respect that my buddy used to do that. He used to get the bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. And he gets a second sandwich or something like that. And he get a fucking coke. Yeah. You're a fucking dog. I love it. Goddamn, I got dinner tonight, but I really want to take,

we should go over to fucking Mickey D's, slap something down before I go home to that fucking whole wheat pasta. No, you just talk, I can't do that. I mean, I can't enable it. Why? You're sodium. Why?

Why? Really? Because I don't want to have to go to a meeting for enabling you, whatever that meeting is. Whatever that's called, Alan the Hunter, whatever. Here it is. Here it is, guys. All right, I got some news.

I'm going to break out when we're going to wrap this up. This is a long podcast, but I'm going to wrap this up. I got some news. I'm gonna break out when I'm gonna wrap this up. This is a long podcast, but I'm gonna wrap this up. I got some great fucking news. Awesome goddamn news. Gloryholdradio.com. Okay, here's the deal. Add me and you're now into I'm six months ago. I'm six months ago.

It's free to their asshole. It's free. They get a great, if you have an iPhone, you don't have my app on it. I know that this podcast network's out there. You're fucking long, you're gonna lose it. You just lost it.s out there. You're fucking like a lot of good podcasts. You just lazy But the one has the like a podcast on their updates every week It has a tour date. It has a bunch of shit by itself. It's free. It's just back

Way to listen. I was doing it but I don't have it for a long time. Right? And you fucking I liked about the update auto man and another thing grubber fuckers thank you for donating Jim 14 the glory hole we've made this podcast a million times better Jersey Jones mad science is a donate $10 and 20 so I'm gonna get a switch that up to me or whatever you are on you know it's a pretty glory hole radio dot com slash Robert Kelly

right it's up donate fucking put a real quick is how we appreciate all the donations guys were cuz it does how we fucking help pay for a bunch of shit like a little faster than wires and fucking mixing wood All kinds of due dads that we need to make sure that's good better So you guys that's a fucking have some entertainment in your life So thank you for all the donations Tell everybody you know to get this fucking

Guys I was 30 last week get this fucking block. Well, don't give me fucking out of this for hours. 30 last week. That's that shit. So thank you. And that's it. Keep listening. Hey, here's the deal.

We didn't. I said something. You got the thing. And we didn't. How's that fucking not smoking cunt? Fuck. Right then. Look at him.

He's just neutral. I'm not neutral. God hates neutral people. Can you get to your news? OK, the news is, is that glory hole, what we're trying to do, we're trying to, we want a place where you can go and get everything, every podcast out there.

For free, you can go and get amazing fucking cool podcasts. We're adding three new podcasts to the network. Next week, which would be today, when this podcast comes out. There'll be three new podcasts. Three new podcasts. One is going to be Hammer Fisting, MMA podcast. Let's go, man. Let's go, man.

His podcast is gonna be on glory whole radio. So now we're finally gonna have a fucking MMA podcast on the network, because I love MMA. There's no sports on the network. This is gonna be, and not only is it an MMA podcast, it's a funny podcast. They're fucking good, they know their shit. Vic Lewis, I'm like, no, they're shit.

They're fucking funny and they love MMA. And they're passionate about their podcast. They know their shit. Number two, we got fucking the comedy seller. Really? What? What is that? The comedy seller.

It's called live from the comedy seller table. Once a week, no more dormant, dormant, the owner of the comedy seller is gonna be doing a podcast from the comedy seller table. The back table, and you never know, he's gonna have one guest a week that's gonna be on it. And all the other comics kinda go through it.

I already did one of them, I did the first episode with him, and Tom Papa was on it, and it's out today. Jim Norton flopped in and Amy Schumer. Oh, and all these people just come in and out. It's at the Comedy Cellar Table. Once a week, he's taping a podcast and it's one of the newest additions to the Glory Hole Radio Network.

It's never been done. It's the famous Comedy Cellar Table where Tough Crowd was inspired from. And you never know who's gonna get it. There's still scares the shit out of me. You never know who's gonna be on it. You never know who's gonna be on it. You never know who's gonna be on it. And number three, the last one, my wife hates me starring Rich Voss and Bonnie McFar.

That's a good one. Yes, I've already listened to one of the podcasts and it's going to be great. So today, it's out now, because this podcast is coming out next Monday, it's fucking out there. That's awesome. That's really awesome. It's a network of good podcasts. It's a network of fucking, it's going to be nine podcasts and the three new additions.

Good to see you. Well, let's just put it this way. My podcast is the number one podcast on the network. I mean, we, guys, we kill it. We kill it by the fuckers. And I'm right about Burger King, my the fuckers. Fuck you, darling. No, you are calling neutral.

Come and fucking Switzerland all fucking. You are, Switzerland. No, I'm never Swiss aircut. I have a banker from 1920s aircut. I, what's that? You want some stocks? How about some war bonds? This, this, this today, right the fuck now.

I'm trying to find some information. Today, right the fuck now, go to gloryholeradio.com and subscribe. Go to iTunes, subscribe. Leave a review. Everybody today, go and get the comedy seller live from the table. Get hammer fisting MMA podcast. Talk about Louis Gomez and freaking Mike and me and Bonnie are going to do our

okay. Three new podcasts that are going to fucking kill it. So make sure you check those out and all the other podcasts that are up there now, gluoryholdradio.com. We got bigger news after the holidays. We got some really sick shit happening with this network that we're gonna get it, get it out there big time.

I wanna thank you guys, Jota Rosa. Hey, thanks. And Dan Soda. New welcome. Fucking Mr. Neutral, Mr. Corporate Dan Soda. Well done. Did you get a tie from now on? What do you think? Yeah? Suit and tie. I think a suit and tie. Well, I just want to let you guys know my lawyer will be contacting you to edit the podcast and take it. I can't fucking anything but these sneakers. These sneakers are fucking great. It's just sucks that his feet didn't get giant disease.

It's just his hands and his head. Big feet. No, you got 13 and a half. Yeah, but your head is a got 13 and a half. You have a huge head. You really do. What a melon. What's that? Survivor series tonight. Is it really? I read it at the fuck out.

What time is it? It was a week ago. A week ago. Is that the fucking Madison Square Garden? Survivor series is tonight. Is it really? Yeah, I read the fuck out of the time tonight when this airs it was a week ago actually a week ago Yeah, it's at the fucking Madison Square Garden really rocks wrestling tonight. Is it isn't seen our tag team in Tonight, you have to pay for right? Yeah, no, you don't there's got to be a fucking there's got to be a thing out there Finally the rock has come back started at fucking 730s. All right, let's go. We're wrapping this mother fucker up another good episode. Thanks guys. You guys at Joe You just go to gloryhole radio.com and Joe to Rosa Dan so to me is throw all up there and the donate buttons up there and make sure you check out the new podcasts that are on gloryhole radio.com. God bless

that are on glorioholeroadio.com. God bless. You know what she is? Okay, here's the deal. Go right now to iTunes and get my app. It's free, you asshole. It's free. Free, if you have an iPhone, you don't have my app on it

and you listen to this podcast, you're a fucking loser or you're just lazy. It has the podcast on there, updates every week. It has my tour dates, it has a bunch of shit and it's free. It's free, it's the best way to listen to the podcast on there updates every week. It has my tour dates. It has a bunch of shit and it's free It's free. It's the best way to listen to the podcast if you have an iPhone Right in your fucking hand it updates automatically and another thing mother fuckers Thank you for donating all the fucking cash you have we've got we've made this podcast a million times better because of your donations If you want to donate

It's $10 and $20. We're gonna kind of switch that up to make it whatever you want It's on a glory hole radio.com slash Robert Kelly right at top donate button We appreciate all the donations because it does help it fucking helps We pay for a bunch of shit microphones and chords and wires and fucking mixing boards and all kinds of due dads that we need to make The show better so you guys get to fucking have some entertainment in your life. So thank you for all the donations, keep spreading the word, tell everybody you know to get this fucking podcast. You guys got us up to number 30 last week, that's amazing. So thank you and that's it,

keep listening. ¡Ven y vive la emoción de la Navidad con Isema Madrid! Malinche, Guá, Juvenalia, Sir clásica, oro viejo, Christmas by Starlight, Bresch y muchos más para disfrutar con familia y amigos. La Navidad cobra vida con Isema Madrid. Entre Enifema.es y compra tu entrada. Ifema Madrid. Siente la inspiración.