Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Butter Injections | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #25

Episode Date: November 28, 2024

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder talk about Colin Quinn hating metal intros, Luis getting his mother a gravestone, bachelor parties, producer Danny making Louis CK uncomfortable and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedyhttps://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/ SPONSORS HUEL get 15% off meal replacements with code “REGZ”  Small Batch Cigar https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/ (https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/) Code: REGZ for 10% off + 5% Rewards points Hexclad hexclad.com/regz for up to 42% off DraftKings Play $10 and get $100 casino credits instantly with code “REGZ” HIMS Use code REGZ to support the show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right. What's up everybody? Welcome back. We have an intro or not? Shut the fuck up. Yeah, we have an intro. Just shut up. And it was made for the viral legend. Can I say?

Yes. I came in today and I said I'm not going to be a negative Nancy. I'm going to be a positive Paul. Just a Nancy. That wasn't fair. Go ahead, make a speech. I said I'm going to not be a negative Nancy and then the first thing Bobby does right up there, shut the fuck up dude.

Because you cut me off. Because you're a cunt. Because you're a cunt you can't you're a cunt you're not a cunt. There's I would never call you a cunt There's a certain comedy legend friend of Bobby and I you guys probably know him who went on another Open the show that's all but this is about the opening. Let's open the show and then talk about well I like there's a preface to the opening. That's all. But this is about the opening. Let's open the show and then talk about that. Well, I like this a preface to the opening. Yeah. Lewis knows how to say preface. Probably the bottle is his own piss. He's the most dehydrated in the world. Whoa! I'm going to get the fuck out of this shot. What's up everybody? I'm Robert Kelly. That's Joe List. That's Dan Soda. And this is Louis J. Gomez. Welcome back to the reg. What about our nicknames?

Thanksgiving edition. You always do the nicknames. I didn't do the nicknames. No, I didn't do them. This government, government. Spicing it up. Okay. The truth.

I heard it. Get a shot of me frowning when Louis does that. I said, he's right out of the gate. We're fucking demonetized. No, we're not. Yeah, we are. the gate, we're fucking demonetized. No, we're not. Yeah, we are. No.

100%. We never were monetized. We've never been monetized. No, I have two huge podcasts, massive. Not monetized on YouTube. What's the other one? Tuesdays with Stories. Remember, I've heard of it.

You used to make fun of it when it first came out. What were you saying about a comedy legend? Not so funny now. Okay, comedy legend. Comedy legend. That's friends with me and Joe. Louis C. Goode a comedy legend? Comedy legend. Comedy legend. That's friends with me and Joe. Very close friends. We have more than one legend.

Sam Morrill. Colin Quinn. That's right, you got it. Colin Quinn is on Big Stavros' podcast. Don't say it. Love him. Don't say it. Don't love him.

Don't say it. What? What you're about to say. What am I about to say? I don't know, I thought you were gonna say something. Love him. Was there a but? No. Oh, okay, I thought you were gonna say something. Love him. Was there a but? No.

Oh, okay, I thought there was a but. Big one. Colin, I do say things sometimes like that where there's another thing coming. Yeah. All the time. Love him? That's good.

Yeah. Shaking it up. Huh? Was it? Well, CQ was on SH's podcast. Yeah. And he talked about how he can't stand these podcasts that have edgy, heavy metal openings, and it sounded about how he can't stand these podcasts that have edgy heavy metal openings and it sounded pretty directed

Right at us. You think he was talking shit about us. I think you're talking about you know what dude But you gotta get him on the horn cuz it sounded pretty direct cuz it's he was like I hate these like We're edgy Weak heart geez come on this white guy weak He's like shut up, no you're not. This is why God gave him a weak heart. Geez. Come on. This is why God gave him a weak heart. I'll say it again. He goes, I don't like you criticizing other people. New metal rules. Rapid rock finally together.

I'm sweating, that's why I go. This is God's wrath. He's throwing lightning. It's like. I made corn on the eighth day. I should have called to be answered. Damn. See if he picks up.

We don't need, wait, wait, give it a minute or two. I gotta give it a minute, yeah, because he's probably wrapping up. He's gonna know, he's like, oh, they're on a podcast, doing a bit, but he waits like five minutes, then, you know, Colin's old, forget that, Bob is gone. Oh, I totally forgot. I see you in a bit, but he waits like five minutes then you know Collins old Anyway, I'm afraid of Colin Quinn. If he's gonna come at us, I want to come right back at him Why are we being pussies right now? Why are we letting Colin Quinn push us around?

That's not the regs that I know. What? What are you? What's going on? What's going on in your head? What do you think, Bob? We're just like sitting here. Not the regs here. What are you talking about? Of all days, not today.

We stand and fight. We could be talking about Legioness Gang. We are not a hardcore wrestling organization. Never mind. I did think my thing is confused sometimes. I was selling a pay-per-view for Sunday. ECW, not regs. Got it.

What's Legioness Gang's intro? That's kind of hip hop. It's jazz. It goes... It's both. Like the Jetsons? It goes... It's time. Like the Jetsons? Yeah. It goes.

It's dark, it's time for the legion of gags. It goes. We got Jay on the mic. Jay and Dave and Lewis and it's pleasant. Very, very pleasant. Very, very pleasant. They don't say the N word. They don't.

They're not good people. They pay attention. It's the Good Boy Podcast. Good boys, good boys, love and women who are promiscuous. Good boys. All right, good. Can I just say, can I talk to the camera real quick? Yeah.

Katie in Australia. Oh, I thought you broke up, fuck. Ah, fuck. Katie in Australia. Wanted that. Thank you fuck. Ah, fuck. Katie in Australia. Wanted that. Thank you for message, fuck you. Why? Thank you for.

It was a compliment. Oh, I thought you said you wanted that. He did. Well, I meant her. Oh, sexually. Oh, oh, oh. Here we go, here we go. Sorry.

That was a weird way to end. Colin, you're live on the regs and we have a beef with you. Yeah, you got a fucking problem? Oh shit, that's Louis. Do you think he doesn't know how to handle a Puerto Rican? The fact you guys have a beef with me makes me want to hang up Joe list, you know Joe list

You know Dan soda Yeah, you know Luis J Gomez. Yeah Joe listed brought it to our attention that you were on another podcast Stavros. How kius you know where I'm going with this I have no idea You said that podcasts that think they're edgy and have heavy metal intros and rock and roll intros They think they're so edgy felt pretty directed at us It would be directed at you guys except I've never listened to your book. Okay, well open a showcase. Love you. Bye. Would you be Santa Claus? That's so funny. He would be a great Santa. He was Santa. He's already being Santa somewhere else. Oh, you're double dipping on Santa.

You're double dipping on a Santa game? No, I've had the Santa game for years. So you're doing Santa on another show? I had Santa game for years. You do Santa on two shows. I've done Santa last year. Where are you doing Santa? Keith on Bonfire last year was Santa Claus.

He was Black Santa Claus? Black Santa Claus last year. Black, Purple Santa Claus? Black, Purple Santa Claus. He fell down the chimney? Those boxes you're checking. He fell down the chimney and had to stay at the house. Yeah, dude.

I live here now. I think the one we- Shut up, elves. Do they hurt? I think the one you picked was a good idea. No, no, no. No, we're not picking it out. I think we should discuss.

It's not officially picked. You said whoever you want, Joe. What is that? Can I see that? What? That's what you want, a smoke. Let me see that. No, you're gonna throw it.

I would never throw a fucking. You literally would. That's your whole thing. I don't think Bobby would throw a thing. I learned it from you. Was! People fucking change, Daniel. Daniel, people watch that.

Music producer Bobby. Put that on my head. If I throw it, I'll let you slap Don in the face. I don't know what successful record you were just in the booth creating. Do you think I want to slap Don in the face? Yeah. You think it's a thing that I walk around back to it I wish I had the opportunity.

You wake up from dreams? Let me just see it. I just want to see it. I just thought of a great point name for your wife. What? Don of the bed. Low five. Well it's not Don of the head. Hey! Hey. Hey. Hey. Little big poppy. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Uh.

Katie in Australia, thank you for messaging Mike Suarez. I did have walking pneumonia and I did get on antibiotics. Oh, I don't wanna fucking tell you. Thank you, I didn't know that. You had pneumonia? I said it to your face. Well, you said I should probably go see a doctor. No, I said, I said, I said you need to get on antibiotics.

You need, I said it to you four times. But you weren't a cute chick named Katie from Australia. By the way, I didn't see her picture. I can't believe you didn't even know that. Don't lie, Dan's fucking getting all sexy with the ladies again. Katie from America, watch out for Dan. That's so fucked up that I,

one of your great friends. Thank you for saying that. Why don't you bring it to Bone to Pick when you do Santa Claus on that show too, you prick. Why don't you bring it to fucking one of the seven podcasts you do. Oh, here we go. The name of your podcast was Bone to Pick and you do Santa Claus on that show too. Why don't you bring it to one of the seven podcasts you do? Oh, here we go. The name of your podcast was bone to pick,

and you were picking a bone. Oh, you were being cool. Sorry about that. I like that you're being positive today. Apologize. Positive Lou. And the communication. Can I just see it real quick?

You're being very negative today. You're very aggressive. I'm sorry. You have a great jacket on. I would like to. If you didn't throw it, you wouldn't be funny at this point. But that's.

I would not. Oh, remember we switched seats? We go back to that? I kind of like that. No, I like this. That energy was fun. it, you wouldn't be funny at this point. But that's. I would not. Oh, if we switch seats, we go back to that. I kind of like that. No, I like this. That energy was fun. Yeah, it was good. You know what?

Maybe we do it mid podcast. I like that. Yeah, it's like switching. Thank you for saying antibiotics. By the way, I wasn't taking them. I got them and the doctor was like, he gave me steroids and he's like, if the steroids work, don't take the antibiotics.

Antibiotics. And I took the antibiotics. Dan's like, ah! I was like, shh! Shh! Oh, fuck you! Shut up, Katie! Shut up! She's shaking her.

She's like, take the antibiotics! They're working! They're working! The steroids, they're working! You bitch, you let me on! I'm trying! Are you cheating on me? Ah!

Who was on the phone? Who's my mother? I can't believe the first time you've taken them, Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? huge balls, big nose. His dick is getting old though. Yeah. Looks like an old dog. It's starting to look like an old man. It looks white.

I'm sorry, in Cuba it looked white. When he pulls it out, it's like, hello. Yeah, it's like getting gray hairs on the pubes. Bobby wants to tell another Cuba story. Change the subject. No, no, no, no. Jesus Christ, Bob. I'm done with Cuba.

Bring up Cuba ever again. Well, let me just say one thing about it. Please. Please. Habana. Just real quick. No, we have to figure out who's gonna, and I did bring up Ari as it. Please. Please. Habana. Just real quick. No, we have to figure out who's gonna, and I did bring up Ari as a potential Santa.

We have to figure out who Santa is. We don't officially have it picked. Joe doesn't want Ari. Joe doesn't like Ari. Joe hates Ari's gut, apparently. No, Joe just doesn't want a Jewish Santa Claus. I love Ari. I love Ari.

I love the Jews. Love him. He's great. He's tremendous. I just think Ari is expected, and he's the guest on everything. He's great, he's tremendous. I just think Ari is expected, and he's the guest on everything. He's on all the pods, everyone knows he's coming. He's been on this podcast,

he's been on every Tuesday's live episode, he's on Kill Tony, he's the come out guy, he shits on everybody, he takes a dump on stage, he throws piss in your face. He's a pop on guest on every guest at the Can't Pass. Great Santa Claus. I didn't go any further than Jewish Santa. I was like, great. Hello. That's easy. We've done that. We should get booking genius. Fat,

jolly guy that everybody likes. I'm not fat. No, he's not fat. Bobby's a sexy record producer. You're getting chubby again. What? You're, you're. What? That, why would you say that? You are, when people started calling you fat, this is how fat you were. Why would you say.

That's a funny thing to say. I thought you weren't gonna be negative today. I'm not being negative, I'm being truthful. That hurt my feelings. I'm sorry, maybe you should stop eating your feelings away. What is this? You think I'm getting fat again? Yeah, look at you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look at you, you're a chubby puppy. Hey, if you can't touch me, I can't. You're a chubby puppy. No, don't touch me like that. He's not chubby. No, he's ripped. What are you talking about?

No, his pants are ripped. He's getting fat again. I'm getting fucking nuts. You're big, you're beefy. Yeah, what are you, 4% body fat? Four. What are you, 5%? 20% body fat? He looks good. Bobby fat, folks. No, no, no, you 4% body? 20% Bobby fat looks good Bobby fat. No, you know what Lewis? I know what I respect you for being real Dana You know I'm being real

Dana please I think Lewis is the only one's being real you guys have I don't think you're getting fit. You look beefy I don't like your Dan is he nearly You look beefy. I don't think you're getting fat. I don't like your. Dan is, he knew he fat. Billion's acting. He's nearsighted. I don't think you're getting fat. Where's my money? No, that's not it.

You look handsome. You look like a handsome beefy boy with a nice jacket. I would love to call you fat. You're handsome. You're not as, Bobby, you were like fucking close to death at one point. Like we were, you were so fat people would talk behind your back about how it's a problem.

Now you're just like chubby again, but I'm just saying, you know, fucking. But you're chubby too. No I'm not. Yeah you are. No I'm not. Let me see your stomach. No, I'm not in ripped shape,

not to the point where I wanna show my, that's not chubby. Then you're not in shape. Are you guys both sloppy? You can't defy. Are you guys both sloppy and you won't admit it? I'm just saying, you're saying you're in shape, I say you're chubby. I haven't seen Bobby Gain back size. No, he's not

Oh, I feel yeah, I mean I'm in almost the best shape of my life, but yeah No, I'm not willing to show my flabby stomach on the camera. I used to be 330 pounds Oh sure, and I I've lost a bunch of weight used to do a lot of stuff Yeah, no, but you are getting fat again. You're getting you're just saying I'm literally getting not chubby again I'm going the opposite I work out every day and I die that but you're not dieting and working out. I am dieting and you're not I eat right now. We're drinking Mountain Dew. What are you talking about? He's dying. What is that? It is ecto cooler. You're you're Chubby you're getting chubby again. You are skinnier at skank fest. That's not true. I

Say that all you want. It's just not true. You were skinnier at Skankfest. You were skinnier at Skankfest, you know? You were finnier at Skankfest. You were finnier at Thanks Guest. You were kinnier at Thanks Guest. Stinnier at Stanks Guest. You were zippier at Scoops Cup.

You guys should both take your shirts off and kiss. But that's just what I think. Two words. Henry Foley. Santa. H Foley would be a good fucking Santa. Nobody hates H Foley. Yeah, but can you split them up? Split them up. What do you mean? Oh, I see what you mean. Like will they die?

Like if one is not in the same room as the other? Will the podcast fade away? What if, can you, is it? Cause they're guaranteed. Oh, you're talking about cutting him in half so we can fit him through the door? Are the other. Will the podcast fade away? Yeah. What if, can you, is it? Cause they're a garbage team. Are you talking about cutting him in half so we can fit him through the door? Yeah, what are you talking about?

Are you garbage guys? Yeah, you mean like, do we have to ask? We're not asking Costello. Yeah, but we're asking one and we're not asking the other. Do we have to go like, and trust me, we'll have you on the Easter show as the Easter buddy. Maybe we have to be an elf. No, they don't want to be associated together forever.

They don't always, yeah. They're partners, yeah. They're comedians. We're just joking around. We don't need you guys to debate it. They don't always get partners. Yeah, they're comedians. Mrs. Sitz, we're just joking around. We don't need you guys to debate it. I mean, I'm just saying. How about it? Will the other guy get offended that we,

will the, hey Foley, come do the show? Listen, if we're talking about chubby guys, we already brought them up. Stavros. We'll be, I really love him. Right, Santa, but he's hard to get. He's always in Baltimore. He's got a movie.

Throw up. I mean, I'm happy. Obviously, Stavros is way better than H. Foley. Isolate that and send it directly to H. Foley. Imagine Santa Claus laughed like Stavros though. Oh my god, he'd get shot. Someone would run downstairs with a gun. Oh, what about it? I got an idea.

Multiple Santas. And then we do the thing. We put our hands over their head and we vote for the best Santa afterwards. Is the running bit of the show who's the best Santa? Is this the best Santa? Or is this the best? That's pretty good.

Are they competing to be Santa? I mean, that's also kind of degrading. Like nobody didn't want to, Louis is not going to be like, I'm competing to be Santa Claus. Savros maybe we did one year yeah that was he was going through some stuff we can get him canceled again we can kick that dust up yeah there's a path you got I know a girl I don't know if I like the voting okay then we take that off the table. I gotta take it off. Get it off. Multiple Santas would be fun.

I like multiple Santas. Multiple Santas giving you presents at once. Yeah, dude. We keep on bringing them out. It's the funnier bit. H. Foley, Stabros. Who else is fat? Multiple Santas.

They don't have to be fat, dude. Aaron Burd can be a good Jewish Santa. Bald, he yells racial epithets. Yeah, he could do a shirtless Santa. Oh, Jack Santa! We could do Jack Santa. We could do a girl Santa. Who the fuck you could do a shirtless Santa. Oh, Jack Santa! We could do Jack Santa, we could do a girl Santa. Jack Jewish Santa. Karen Fiehan to be Santa.

Mrs. Claus. But have her wear something sexy. Yeah, let's get hot women with their tits out. Nothing? High heels and short skirts. It's a big show, it's at the Gramercy. We have a big stage, we should do fun big fucking things. Not that big show is that the Gramercy we have a big stage we should do things

Should be blue jail keep it sexy Joe. We should get blue Jay Okerson Jay Jay to be the Santa and like angry at us blue jail and angry at us that we're doing You want someone to be too cool, I feel like Foley will bring it. You want somebody to be Santa. I feel like Foley will hand out gifts and laugh and be scholarly. Foley is a good Santa. Foley's a good Santa, but if you had Jack Santa, Fat Santa,

Sexy Santa. Yes, I like flavors of Santa. Jewish Santa. I love flavors of Santa. We could have a Palestinian Santa. I would, you know what? No, let's just. Pump the brakes.

Yeah. Ooh, great bit for the live show. Satan comes out. As Santa. Satan Claus. It's just Satan. And he was like, oh, I got the wrong member. Oh, you got.

Now that's what we get Ari. Yeah. He's already got the horns. Yeah. That's true. Dude, that would be sick to get Satan and Santa in the same room. Well, we'll see.

I mean, we're gonna, the fans are gonna have quite the time and it's very close to being same room? Well, we'll see. I mean, the fans are going to have quite the time. And it's very close to being sold out. Yeah, December 11th. Absolutely, yeah. 7 PM. Get those tickets now, because it's going to probably sell out in advance. Yeah, there's like eight seats left.

Yeah, and you're going to have to just fucking wait and to hear about how great it was when we release it. Why does this come out? This is next week. The show may never come out. We may never put it out. So you got to be there. Yeah. We might sacrifice a human being. We may never put it out. So you gotta be there. Yeah, we might sacrifice a human being.

We may never. We may never. We might not come out. To Santa, not to Satan. We know this is coming out because there's no way Dan's gonna want to come in that week for another episode. I am not that guy.

I'm not that guy. And I don't like I've been cast as this guy. I was a guy that brought up the group's concerns and then I had to wear it, but so be it. You had to wear it because you said we should no longer do the podcast. I didn't say that. You said once a month.

I had the brilliant idea that Lewis, Lewis just can't take in a good idea. The brilliant idea. I'm literally an idea guy. We shoot five hours. That's what he's saying. Episode a week. He's saying you can't take in somebody else's idea. I'm just literally an idea guy. We shoot five hours. That's what he's saying. Episode a week. He's saying you can't take in somebody else's idea. You're such an idea guy that you've never heard someone else's idea. That's a good criticism. That is true. And that's not true. You also will come around the idea but not mention. What is it? You'll come around.

You'll come around the idea but not mention it was someone else's idea. I don't know. I don't know. I do sometimes like not having to work with other people that come over the idea. I can sit back, but their ideas are so bad. Dan, I'm trying to think of another. I love flavors of Santa flavors of Santa is great, dude. But we need a who we are black Santa. You, Santa? Yamanica. That's what I say when she comes into our room. Come back to me. Yeah. Come back to me.

You've shaved your mustache down just a little bit. How did you cut it? How did you cut it that quick? Flavors of Santa might be a good, fun. Black Santa, what about a Spanish Santa? Espanol. A Spanish Santa, it just sounds fun to say. We could have Janice B. What's her name?

Maurice. Stop trying to fucking shoehorn Maurice into anything. What? That's crazy. What are you talking about? He's the first time I've said it. It's the first time I've said it. It's a non-stop thing. It's the first time I've said it.

It's the non-stop thing, dude. It would be funny if someone did a smash edit of Bobby and we don't realize how much he brings up Orisa. That's really funny. He goes like, nah, dude, Orisa would be funny in this. And we go, what? I've never brought him up. When did I bring him up?

You're just saying shit. I don't know. This would be better if Orisa was here. Dude, here's the problem. Because I came up with an idea, and you got to fucking. There it is. Then you make up it. I'm not being negative. You're being negative, dude. Here's the problem because I came up with an idea and you got a fucking then you I'm not being negative. You're negative dude. Hi, you just excuse me Is something you don't do you don't you just made up a thing? You don't like other people's ideas

You know, I like good ideas. You don't like so I've never heard you say great idea you so get to so chop chop Maybe you guys should start having some good ideas I'm sorry that I have the best ideas ever you don't know you know see this you're right Bobby I'm getting fat I'm not currently losing weight I don't have great ideas we're gaslighting yeah he said you don't either Lewis your dad's alive it's the most wonderful time of the year. Holidays on the house at DraftKings Casino!

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i mean that's trappings dot com slash promo and the problem was where i was ahead that they were you like this i'm doing this so well this is so good perfect mouth to read fast. I'm thinking about buying my mom a Your mom tombstone. Oh, that's nice. She doesn't have one doesn't have Sometimes we complete each other I said shit. I complete your shit. We each other shit Are you gonna go all out and like 30 grand? Are you gonna get her like a mausoleum?

No, dude. Get her a mausoleum. So she's gonna get a stone right now? So she's gonna get a big tower? No, she's unmarked grave. With, and she's in the same grave as my grandma Rose. Dude, so? Where you got through in the same,

with her roommates? They're buried in the same grave. She's like schooled up bitch. How do you know where they are? You have to put like a stick there? I don't even know. I haven't visited my mom's grave since she died. Really?

Why would I go to a grave? I don't know, time. Magic's not real. I don't know, why would you go to a grave to visit your mom? But, I'm not, but it's- Lewis, take a- That's why they have graves. If spirits are real, she's in the room right now.

I'm visiting her. No, but Lewis, take a walk with me. Just don't. Oh, she's sucking dead stick mom. Oh, come on. Oh, Mrs. Cobots. Oh no. We're in the middle of the pocket. Oh, she's sucking Dan's dick mom. Oh, come on. Oh, Mrs. Cobans. Oh, no. We're in the middle of the podcast.

Oh, my friend's dead mom. Oh, no. My friend's dead mom. Why are you gonna get a great set? If we got a medium to come in and be like, actually, your mom is fleeting Dan Soderbrenner. You didn't notice that? I'm rose out of the chair.

Your dad is jerking me off. Oh, no. In a stabbing motion, ironically. It would be funny though, if like it was real, and you just never visited her grave, and she's like, this motherfucker puts me in the same one. It's her and her mom are in the same grave. No, her grandma, was grandma Jane in the same grave? I don't think so.

Why are you going to get a grave site if you're so against going there? If you're like, why the fuck would I go? Because my retarded fucking aunt and sister, they like believe in spirits and shit. So like it's for them, ultimately. against going there if you're like, why the fuck would I go? Because my retarded fucking aunt and sister, they like believe in spirits and shit. So like it's for them ultimately. Get them tits out.

It's either that or I'm bringing them to the Poconos this winter. So I'm sorry, that is very funny. Do they know about the option? You can either buy your mom a tombstone or take. If they know the option, they'll actually choose the Poconos. They would choose the Poconos.

Oh yeah. Did we shit on soda for going to the Poconos? No, I went to the Catskills. Oh yeah, Poconos is worse than the Catskills. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah Yeah Well, I just want to do a family trip we could drive and ski fucking yeah, so it was great ski ski ski Yeah, we're at the cabin where we found one with like a sick fucking game room Like the whole basement is like just the coolest fucking game. So it sounds like you're not gonna get her tombstone hot tub

like just the coolest fucking game. So it sounds like you're not going to get her tombstone hot tub. It's either a fucking old man with a white beard chiseling on the fucking rock. We did that last year with the guest digital trip. We, we did Jamaica two years in a row and then we were like, Hey guys, this year it's the poke nose. That's kind of fun though.

But it was really fun. We went skiing and snowboarding. We had an indoor pool. It was a hot tub, like sick game room. There was a hidden room where everyone's doing acid and it was like black lights and fucking, how crazy was that place? I'd like to poke your nose. Whoa, hey. Poke a nose. Whoa, poke your butt. Love it.

Boop, boop, boop, boop. I can't stop. That does sound fun. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna do that. I'm just, this year for the family trip, we're not fucking. So it's decided, your mom's not getting a tombstone. I might still get it for her. Should we wrap it up?

What kind of? What kind of tombstone are you gonna get? You guys are gonna get scram. What Should we wrap it up? What kind of? What's it called? What kind of tombstone are you gonna get? What are you gonna get her? Like a? Stone? Like a stone? What kind are you gonna get her, you fucking negative person?

Get a bench, I like a bench. A bench? Then we can sit on it. Are you gonna get a big one or just a flat one? I don't know. Oh yeah, I mean a cheap one. That's it. Okay.

It's symbolic. Yeah, you're like, why are you mad at us? The cheapest one possible. Why are you mad at me for just trying to find out what the, for you brought it up. I just want to know what you get in there. It's because that jacket is fucking so nice. It's cool, man.

It's a great jacket. Was it suede? Yeah. I'm serious. That's a hell of a jacket. God damn. Is it felt? You just felt it.

Yeah, there it is. That's an old line. Old line for the ladies. Hey, Is it felt? You just felt it? Yeah, there it is. That's an old line. Huh? Old line for the ladies. What? Hey, is this felt? It is a rape them. Yeah, ha ha, cool.

I like old timey rape suggestions. Touch my fucking finger. Is this felt? Ha ha ha. Damn, you really goosed him too. You got under that carriage. What's the green water? What is the sludge?

It's fucking, so I don't get what you got. Oh, dude. What do you got? Brother, it's AZT. What is the sludge? It's fucking nasty, so I don't get what you got. Oh, dude. What do you have? Brother, it's AZT. What is that? I'm living with it. You guys all missed the best joke.

You should have said funny. Huh? That would have been, no. Well, you know. Dig on myself. We think you're really funny. We'll punch you in the head. No, it would have been him, stupid.

So I don't get what you. We really think Dan's funny. I was being nice to you. That was the fucking joke. We'll fix it in post. We'll put it in the post. Ah, fuck, we're having fun. This is a good show today.

This is a great show. Can I apologize? We had a little bit of an off one in the last one. I was negative. I was very sick and I wasn't bringing it. I was a negative Nancy. I thought last episode was great. I was wheezing and shit.

One of our best EPs. I thought it was fantastic. Last one? Yeah. I was a negative Nancy. I thought last episode was great. I was wheezing and shit. One of our best EPs. I thought it was fantastic. Last one? Yeah. I was pissed the whole time. The cards put me in a fucking ranted mood. You were mad. I thought it was great.

I was fucking, I was trying to fuck you. People loved it. You were mad because you didn't get a card. I was mad. Did you get your cards? Were you really mad that you didn't get a card? No, I just thought it was a bad bit.

I was fucking just not, I hated the idea. It was the fucking funniest bit. I was trying to hold on for life. No, me not liking it kind of made it funny because I was getting actually annoyed and that's funny in itself. Yeah.

What made it good was you. I got you. Yeah. No. Oh, can I shit on Danny Braff for a couple of hours? Absolutely. Fuck you. Can I shit on him too?

Oh, what? No, hold on, hold on. I have a real thing. Before we start this. This is Lewis's idea. Before we start this, guys. Dwight coming at me tonight? Lewis!

This is so Danny does not get an AR-15 and clear out this room. Danny, I saw you do the Geico joke on stage. Uh-oh. I saw the Instagram video of that. Uh-oh. It's very funny. Thank you. Oh, Danny has good stuff.

Somebody else does it. I thought you were going to call me as a joke thief. No, no, no. There's like a Geico ad or a stand-up comic does like a joke where he's like, I got online on Geico faster than I learned how to stop playing the banjo, which was too, you know, and they laugh. You think Danny could actually cock a gun back? Yeah. Wait, what happened?

What happened? I'm eerie accurate. Well, you could put one together faster than anyone else. So then he did like an edit where they showed the Geico joke and everyone laughs and then he did it at an actual stand-up show and it just fucking balls and it's very funny I saw that now trash him. Last night I told I told Louie about, CK, about the comedy dojo which I think is like the best room in New Jersey now. It's great yeah I'm doing it next month and very excited to lead you to Skank's New Year's Eve. Yeah it rules. You're doing New Year's Eve. Yeah, it rules.

You're doing New Year's Eve there? Yeah, yeah, small, I know. It's gonna be awesome. Danny was doing his first headline gig at the Dojo. New Year's Eve. We bumped him. And Legion of Skanks bumped him out. We bumped him.

And the guy who loves Danny. We're giving him a tight five on the early show. How many shows are you guys doing? Two. Two, yeah. First of all, so we go out and Danny, I don't know, he works there. I don't know what he does there. I don't understand. He loves the place. He works there. He helped the guy. He helps get comics to go there. He helped promote the club. He probably took credit. So I told Louis, you got to go to this room, Comedy Dojo. He goes, it sounds great. Let's do it. We book it.

We're heading out. We drive out there. Of course is already there with you know a fucking headshot to have autographed Stack of them no, he's like this is cute. This is for my mom. This is my dad's for me I had a fucking disappearing thumb. I want to believe that yeah, just everything it don't season one two and three of Louie Yeah, that's gonna give away trade secrets Season one, two and three of Louie in a basket. Don't give away trade secrets. First of all, I joke, I talk to you real quick. You're my man. Hey, I'm going to get a call later. He's going to be like, Hey, is there a problem that Joe has with me that he's not telling me? Cause like that's something it wasn't that funny. I don't know. Be playing. I don't know, dude. I don't think it's a real thing. I fucking

did like it. Louis and I are bouncing bits. You know, I just did a special. He's putting together a new act. I'm putting together a new act where we're on the road. We're doing some stuff. And so I would bounce in bits. I go, what do you think of this? And Louis, Louis goes, uh, you know what you got to say? Puts his finger up. This is what you got to say. And Danny goes, why do you say this? Danny just throws out a bunch of his ideas. And I had to literally pick up my phone and text Louie. It says he's autistic, all caps. And Louie writes back, thank you for texting me that because he was ready to shoot them. But now I'm never going to know what bit. That's the

best. I'm going to get a line from the comedy. No, becauseathe Italian? No, because fucking Corse Gump chimed in. That's like you're eating a dish with a chef and he goes, you know what would make this dish? He's like, chef boy on these! The child ran in the room. That's what he did. Danny, there's no way you can make this up. That's what he did. And then he does a big gratitude post today

of him and Louis shaking hands. That's my problem. And goes, me and Louis, open for Louis. Yeah, I saw the post. I've not even mentioned it. I brought Louis there. Hold on, I gotta see this. And I said to Louis, the guy's good, he's funny,

let him in and see, it's great. Because Louis was like, we should just do a two man show. And I was like, oh no, this Danny Braff, he's a big retail, he's a great joke. And I quote, last night was one of the coolest nights of my life, getting to host for Louis CK at the Dojo. Oh my God.

No mention of me. Who was the headliner? Not even a mention of KLC. Who was headliner? Louis. Louis was headliner. Yeah. So you were just doing a guest.

I was featuring and I set up the fucking kid. You guys want to know something worse? What? He put a song to it. No, what song? Oh! Wait, let me hear it. Oh We put a Dylan song to his hey I'm gonna write this song called like a rolling stone and hopefully a big retard never uses it when he posts about

With a tight seven in front of Joe Liz right for Louis CK I can't make eye contact with the guy that brought her, but I wanna make a long post. Can I just say something that he came to me today? Danny, I'm sorry. He came to me today, he goes, can I just say something? I was like, what's that? He goes, I think this is the best month of my life.

And he went through all the things that he's... I'm actually envious of a young comic, because that's a big deal. It's a huge fucking deal. I think the skanks were the last thing that you get to open for the skanks. Didn't you mention the skanks in there? I was saying it was the best week of my life. Oh, sorry. You didn't mention the skanks.

I got my revenge though because Danny while Louie's on stage day was like you think it'd be okay if I asked for a photo and I was like absolutely And then Louie came off stage. I was like, let's get out of here before Danny gets back So he couldn't get his photo. Hey Joe, do you think it will be okay for us for a photo? We fucking retard If I pick up That's a retard you did a baby Oh babies aren't retardant. No, not yet.

Do you think if I pick up Louie in a hug he'll like it? Right when he gets off stage? Now instead of getting a Louie line, I got a Danny Braff line. What's the Danny Braff line? What was the Danny Braff line? I don't even remember. Do you remember? All I know is you interrupted Louie. You know he does. I don't even remember. Do you remember? I don't know. All I know is you interrupt You know, he does. I don't I don't remember as someone that could listen Danny listen brother as someone that cuts people off I get it. Yeah, it was a worse part that he's leaving. Yeah

What's the worst part spill the beans? So I go what's the lineup with? What times are we doing and Louie goes? Oh, yeah. Okay, you're gonna do ten minutes Then then Joe's gonna to do 25, and then we'll just tag team it, Joe will bring me up. And then I think Louis could see on my face that I was disappointed. And he was like this. And then he went, his lip was quivering. Show you don't want me to bring you up.

And then Louis went, oh, you know what, okay, why don't you just bring me up? And Danny goes, thank you! And then ran out of the room. He gave a gorilla a banana. He literally was like, thank you so much! And then left. He's like, I don't know, I was real mad about it, Mr. CK. He was like, zoinks!

And he shut up. Duh, does that mean I can't bring you up? I thought about just bringing him up too. I thought it was gonna be- The greatest night of your life is an inconvenience for everybody Also he was thinking about that Louie post before it happened he wrote He was doing the caption in his head before he even got the picture poor Danny

Yeah, what were the other things you said? It was the best week of your life last night But you didn't mention Joe you just mentioned Louie. I didn't even know Joe was there Joe this is also a get. Yeah, Dojo List. Oh, I got a big pop. Yeah, Joe List is, and we've checked this, we're there. I got a dead pop. Prolific.

Yeah, thank you. Thanks, folks. I missed it. I said I have a dead pop. Oh yeah, you do, that's funny. Nice. Self-deprecating today, guys. I'm not lashing out, I'm lashing in.

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for safety over effectiveness by the FDA. Prescription require an online consultation with a healthcare provider who will determine if appropriate Restrictions apply see website for details and important safety information Subscription required price varies based on product and subscription plan guys want to try it. Yeah, I don't hold it, but I just drugs Suck my cock Is that drugs? Dude I'm out dude fucking absolutely drugs and you would have hit me with the fuck out.

You would let me. I would be great. To watch Bobby finally be cool. To take his care. After all the years we've known him for, but he's a fucking boomer. He's got pink glasses. He's a boomer.

Let me tell you something. Fuck you with your boomer shit. Why are you cursing at me, dude? Because you're- I'm just making little light jokes. No, you call me a boomer, you call me old, you call me fat. You've called me a plethora of bullshit.

Fat old boomer. Plethora of boomer. You motherfucker. Platypus. I gave you the best years of my fucking life, conker sucker. You did, you really did. I fucking, I gave you.

But you should still be better. You shouldn't be, you shouldn't. I gave you the best years of my fucking life. So now I get to sit back and let you do a little of the fucking heavy lifting. This is what Dawn said to to you just word for word I'll hit him with what she said Tuesday Don this is good

if you wouldn't have told you that would have been a mess the last hour. But when you do skanks, I got to fucking- Oh my God. I got to steer clear. I mean, it's a lot. It's a lot of weed. Yeah, dude, we're bad ass. You could smoke cigars in here. We're evil.

Not yet. Do you think you're going to get there? No. That was a not yet meme. No, no, maybe someday. One day. I'm a little upset. Dan did a impression of Danny Braff as a me. No, maybe someday. One day. I'm a little upset.

Dan did a impression of Danny Braff as a retard. It got literally absolutely zero and no bomb Dan-o. I thought it was great. We loved it. He did a baby. Play back the tape. First off, can I tell you the, let me just tell you the fucking whiplash of emotion I just got right there.

I mean. As I go, good buddy Joe List felt bad that I had a great voice that didn't get anything. Then this cocksucker's trying to give me the bomb, Dan. It's a great voice, but I mean it got zilch. It was like this. Play back the tape, rewind. There's no tape.

Can we pull out the tape? Give me the tape, Dan. No, don't take it. No, I want it. No, no, no, no, don't take a spiked. No, it's gonna motivate me. It's kind of like a comfort thing for me now. At this point.

I know he's got a Steven Tyler. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Fucking chill out. Can I bring this on my flight? Making me feel at home. This is service bandana.

That thing got nothing. I felt bad because I thought it was funny. But it, I mean, nobody. Don't backtrack. Joe is a fucking Joe list. Rewind. A fucking Joe list. Passewind. A fucking- Backtracking Joe List.

Passive aggressive. Yeah. What are you, my nana? Coont. Did you feel good about that reaction? Wow. I felt good about the voice. I want, yeah, okay.

I actually laughed at it. He's- No, you didn't. I did, I went fucking ha ha. I felt good about the voice. And then I said he was being a babe. Can we pull up the tape, please? Yeah, like they're gonna be able to run the tape.

Joe, it's- They're not even filming. You're lucky we get this thing recorded. Tomorrow's Thanksgiving, what are, please? Yeah, like they're going to be able to run the tape. Joe, it's not even filming. You're lucky we get this thing recorded. Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. What are you doing? Yeah. Trying to all be friends right now. Yeah, we're talking about Black Wednesday.

Thanksgiving is next week, idiot. We're live right now, dumb dumb. This is like when they do a Christmas special in the summer. Yeah. Like we almost sold out at the Gramercy. Oh, that thing has been sold out for three days. I don't know about it. We just released 100 extra tickets. Yeah. I don't know about it. We just released 100 extra tickets.

Yeah. I don't know about it. I'm just getting something. 400 extra tickets. We just released 400 extra tickets. What the fuck? Just went up right now. Yep.

Sorry, everyone. You've got to sit laps. That's crazy. They just made it. 450? Oh, my god. They made it bigger? It's like a WNBA game.

Listen, Paco came up with a game that he wanted to present to you guys. I think it stinks. Do you? All right, well, don't do it. Why would you do that? What is it? Let them have a clean panel.

Here's a game that we're going to play. Is it a Thanksgiving game? It's a Thanksgiving game for us right now. For a fucking foreigner? OK, great idea. Yeah. I don't know what they eat over there. Oh, we're going to take duck livers,

and we're going to chop them up and make them into what if I told you You really do fuck it start him It really is your point and then I dug it Me Pocko That was actually Dan got me that's not Philippine. I didn't want to leak I didn't want to like it till the end. Okay. What is this game? That makes up for the retard bomb What is your fucking horrible game? Because I guarantee it's not my idea, so let's go.

So for Thanksgiving stuff, people usually say what they're thankful for. I'm friends with Poco and I forget how deep his voice is. I love it. People usually say what they're thankful for about each other. But to include something else, we have an Indian headdress, where if they wear that, you say one thing you hate about them. Indian headdress. Native American, please.

Thank you. Jesus Christ. So you say something that you hate about them. That's hurtful. Don't say, Indian. That's offensive. Oh, fuck. That was pretty good, Jim.

That's hurtful, Paco. And what's the other hat? The pilgrim hat? Lewis pulls a rabbit out of it. To say something you're thankful for a bottom-up. What the fuck? Did he got you? Again, my fucking secrets?

He got you. Put the camera on me for one second. You look like a kid in a play. He actually looks good in that hat. Yeah, that's the time he should have been alive. Yeah, he does. He has 1929 face. The only film you should see of Joe

should be making this noise. Tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh. What? Tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh The only film you should see of Joe should be making this noise. Oh, there he is. That's Joe List, old chimney sweeper. Old chimney sweeper, Joe List. What do I do with this hat on? You tell- Don't stare at me all you want. I feel good about myself.

Hey, Dan. Body positivity. Dan, Dan, Dan. It was funny. I loved it. I hate you. It was a bad one. Fuck you. I got it from both sides. And I ain't never scared. I didn't say I hated your business. I love

Bit I like that boy, you know, I like that voice I championed it back at Neptune diner I just thought nobody reaction anyway Men are for Mars women from Venus So if you put this hat on you tell you say something you're thinking. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what to write down the time stamp every time. It's not gonna happen again. Like you're a child with a fever. You have to fucking monitor. So are we doing this fucking game or not? What? What's the game? When I wear this hat what do I have to say? I don't want to say what I hate about my friends. This is already too, it's already too close to Yankee Swap. Yeah.

To Rose, Thorne. Rose, Thorne, Seed. That's not about each other. But that's just, you know. But I don't want to hurt my friends' feelings. I just came and I want to be positive today. Yeah. And I don't have time to listen to all the things

I hate about you guys. It's funny that you say you don't want to hurt your friends' feelings. You called Bobby fat old. Fat old. I'm helping him. Lose weight, get young. You're a fucking shit.

You got one of my last comps out, dude. Delicate from the bottom of my lungs. Which hat is this? I don't like Lewis. Give me the headdress. I don't like you. I don't like you. This is hateful.

Be this way. Guys, hateful. Wow, dude. You, you fucking. Okay, be the, be the play. This is chief. Wait, guys, hold on, guys. You suck. I don't like you. Probably one of the KFC chickens that they keep on fucking shoving food in. Too wordy. Damn.

I am grateful, this is the grateful hat? That's the thankful hat. Not grateful. I am not grateful, but thankful. Yeah, it's Thanksgiving. No, we say what we're thankful for in that joke he's wearing. You're thankful for what we're giving people.

Oh, I like that. It's Thanksgiving. No, we say what we're thankful for in the jail if he's wearing it. You're thankful for what we're giving people. Oh, I like that. It's quiet. Stop blowing at my face. It's the smell. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's not even the weed.

It's the grape, you fucking dork. It's like grape juice. What is that flavor? It's just Zin and it fucking hits. It's not Zin. It's Zin. It's weed. It smells like...

Hey, man, you want to Zin up? Yeah. It's Zin. It's Zin. It's Zin. It's Zin. It's Zin. It's Z hits. It's not zen. It's zen. It's weed. It smells like. It's zen man.

Hey man, you want to zen up? It's not grape or cherry or some shit. It smells like cotton candy. I don't like stoner, Louis. Is that God? I know you have to calm down the demon with it. I am grateful that Louis. I'm grateful.

I did like that one. I'm not gonna lie Lewis god damn it you got big great write it down gratefuls gotta be the name of the title sweet Jesus that made my penis move I'm grateful for Lewis funny guy fucking be generous is the grateful head grateful No, we're grateful for you. I like the hair. No, you put this on. Yeah, exactly. Bobby put on the headdress to be me. Yeah, but you can't be general. You can't be general.

I'm grateful for Louis. I was starting. I was, I was... All right, keep going then. All right, go ahead. What are you grateful for? I'm grateful that he started Skankfest and that is it. I like your magic.

I like your magic. All right, fine. Yeah. You're thankful for his magic? I'm your magic. I like your magic. I find. Yeah. You're thankful for a man. I'm very thankful. Grateful. It's thank. That's the same thing. You fucking different. You can't be grateful for his magic. Thankful, thankful and grateful. The same thing. Pull up a fucking calculator. Thankful and grateful. Thank. Great. Great. Great. I'm grateful. I Retard got something Dan so oh my god, I'm thankful for Dan. So I met he was answering phones at stand-up, New York And we became drinking buddies and what were you answering phones for you? Do I wasn't I was making tellers? I was making you want 10 free tickets to stand up To see

Comics from CBS ABC All right, so thankful means appreciative Now look up grateful. It is a strong by the way a cinnamon. Oh a cinnamon is grateful. Yeah Cinnamon cinnamon cinnamon cinnamon I my favorite misheard lyric of all time. I apologize Joe Joe you look like mr. Peanut with that hat on yeah, Joe peanut Joe fucking peanut Oh, I what are you grateful? You're grateful for Dan for Dan for what I met Dan when I first Joe you look like Mr. Peanut with that hat on. Yeah, Joe Peanut. Joe fucking Peanut over there. All right, what are you grateful,

you're grateful for Dan for what? For that I met Dan when I, first friend I made here and we're still going strong. Is he the first guy? Yeah. I think so, yeah I think so. Me and Norman. You thought Nick DiPaolo.

No, Norman I met quite a bit later. You met Nick in Boston. No, I met Nick in Boston, yeah. No, I met you years before. Really? Norman. Oh yeah, I remember you telling me. Like three full years. I remember, I was like, Boston. Yeah. No, I met you years before. Really? No. Oh yeah. I remember you telling me full years. I remember now I was like, I think like maybe two, but I remember you meeting Norman and you being like, you know, love this guy. I became friends

with Norman like 2010 and you and oh seven and I'm thankful for you too, Bob. No, I'm thankful for you. Know what, dude, baby? Greatest time of my life. That's it. I remember the first day I was on March March of 08. I was on a podcast Podcast is great. What are you? Officiating my wedding pretty good. That was pretty good. Yeah, it was good. It was okay. Damn that hurts He's officiating column Charles wedding. That is only good. Why don't it be you? Are you more friends with Collin than him? Yeah, the Irish don't trust the Puerto Ricans to marry them.

I think he wanted just a bigger name, he's a climber. I'm grateful for Lewis for heckling the ceremony at my wedding. I didn't heckle, he fucked, he set me up. I set him up. He heckled me, and if you heckle me in life, I'm gonna answer back wherever I am. I was just trying to see how committed he was to the J,

because in this beautiful moment, I went went Luis Gomez and he went J and he wasn't He just fucking it was like Roger Rabbit was shaving a haircut Also, I almost missed my fucking wedding my wife thought I left because Bobby was too hot and wanted to sit in front of the AC unit true story No, God forbid we were sit out by the fucking gazebo and sweat. Literally, I'm looking out there and the whole wedding party is like doing this. Joe, why did you get married then instead of now when you have money? It's infuriating that you made us go to that fucking lowbrow wedding. Then this cocksucker starts making

money. They were already married. I didn't really marry them, you know that? I got married three days earlier. He was married three days earlier. It was all fake. It's all ph's all funny ass Joe yeah it was fake that's a new thing phony Joe that's a phony hat I didn't want to make you go that by the way you should put this on and be thankful for me because I just officiated two weddings I had to go to fucking City Hall and fill out a form and I did the same shit you know I went

online I had to take this stupid test you didn't have to. I went online, I had to take this stupid test. You didn't have to take a test. I told you that. I got official-fisheated. You didn't have to. That hat makes you look like the Monopoly man if he just went through a divorce and he's like trying to get new pussy. He's like, hey, you want to come by? That's a shitty thing.

That was the worst joke Dan's ever told. That was a terrible one. That's the worst joke Dan's ever told. No, that's not true. I have some fucking stankers. No, that was a fucking, I mean. That's gonna be the bottom of the barrel today. Swing and a miss. It's not a thankful thing, dude. You gave a real thankful thing to him.

Real thankful thing to him. I love Lewis. He literally gave you a real thankful thing, Bob. You're being a negative guy today, Bob. Put the hat back on, Bob. I'm not being negative. You're being a negative guy, Bob. I'm being real.

I'm being the real ass fucking dude. No, you're not being a real ass dude. Yes, I am. He just said he's thankful for YKWD and he's thankful that you officiated his wedding. He said he did okay, mediocre. I was teasing, you did a great job. Okay.

Sarah's dead dad loved it. I'm back. Sarah's dead dad died since then. I see a little bit. Well, because it was so good. It was so good he killed him. I murdered him with my performance. The performance was so good.

Do you think I had something to do with it? That was a funny moment. What did you say? When I chimed in. You went, ah, why did he interrupt? I only had so much time. And then you and Nate were dancing and almost, it got thrown through the fucking DJ booth because you guys were swinging around like two assholes.

Me? Yeah, someone was like, you gotta go stop those guys. Gay lovers. Me and Nate Borgazzi? Yeah. You guys were holding hands going. I got a photo of us doing that, yeah. People were like this.

Ah! You and Nate were like, yeah. It was quite romantic. Ah, the good old days with Nate. He's like, I don't know those men. He's like, what? Lewis who? I'm sorry. You don't talk to Nate no more? No, I still talk to Nate. Of course we talk to Nate. We saw him at Skankfest. He did the show. Fucking rules. Story wars. He did story Wars. He did Story Wars? Oh, at the Skyfest. That's right. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, brother, dig it. Dan. Dan. It's so funny. Why is there white?

To hand a voice off like that. It made it look like a program today. Oh yeah, dig it. Dan, you gonna take it from here? Can we real quick, let's do some plug-a-rooskies. Then we gotta talk about, first of all, I'm cooking the turkey tomorrow. Are you? Is this your first turkey?

No, it's my second turkey. How are you cooking it? With an oven. You're not like try to deep fry it. You're not going to know. That's crazy. Dan. Okay. Let's see plugs. Plug it up. Plug it in. Let me begin. I came to win. Battle me. That's a sin. A funky little backup. Follow the crack up. Let's go with them with the backup. I thought you were going to do it. I really thought you were going to do it. Uh, January 9th, this Tom Dustin movie is a runaway train. It's a runaway smash hit. We just played it in Key West at the festival. It was packed, killed. That's what how did it do? It was

awesome. The entire crowd was at a pregame party at Tom's. We all walked up the street together. It was fucking unbelievable. That's fun. So it's the best night of his life and it's coming to a theater near you we got distribution on this fuck you did it's playing 30 to 40 independent theaters coming up in January January 9th Somerville the crystal ballroom it's a 300 cedar it's a big night so get your tickets Boston did he get sober no I hope he does and April that's the sequel so funny to say the thing in the movie like a big part of the movie good so does is he is he clean now? No. The next movie I want to make is about you I want to make a movie about you. I love it.

You'll be the second movie we're in the theaters. Let's go. It'll be a better movie. Wow. Wow. December 11th of course the regs at Gramercy. Wait am I playing Tom Dustin in the next movie? It's a series. Tom Dustin 2 now portrayed by Luis J Gomez. These are my plugs. Joe, do your plugs. December 5th to the 7th San Diego first time ever motherfuckers. I'm coming back to Minneapolis April 10th to the 12th. I know that's a ways out but people want me in Minneapolis. It's been a long time. Kansas kansas city missouri january the sixteen through the eighteen and of course the will back on uh... eighteen sunnyvale california love rooster teabethers love heather uh... coming back

january twenty fourth of the twenty fifth houston january thirty first and uh... whatever first february first montreal february seventh all my dates for at PunchUpLive.com, but come see the film and get excited about this movie. Independence Cinema, I gotta make my money back. It's killing me. That is fucking sexy.

It costs a lot of money. That is $30,000. Woo! Shit. Holy shit. You have a kid. Yeah, I was a big fuck up. December 6th.

I will be in Chicago, Illinois, late show at the Vic Theater, tickets available. And then December 7th, I'll be at Turner Hall in Milwaukee, Wisconsin with Louis Katz. And then December 12th through the 14th, I'll be at the Sacramento Punchline, danSoder.com for tickets. And don't forget December 11th, 7 PM.m. Gramercy the Rigs.

Oh yeah, go to Lewisofskanks.com. I'm rounding out the year. We have some live stuff coming up, obviously the Rigs, but I got Dojo of Comedy on December 12th, EMA's Theater, EMA's Pennsylvania on December 13th, Creek and Cave, Austin, Texas, December 20th through 22nd, and then I have a brand new tour, the Bring Five Friends Tour coming to a city near you in

2025 we're going everywhere I'm announcing the entire tour in December But I'll announce some January dates now because they are on sale Zanies Rosemont January 10th through 11th and then wits and Comedy Lounge in North Charleston, South Carolina January 23rd is that one night? That's weird. I'm sure there's something else going on that weekend They're adding to it. But yeah, either way a bunch of dates being added I'm announcing an entire tour and a brand new special so look out for tickets for all that stuff And yeah, thank you guys for supporting check out Legion of skanks Lewis and Zack show and story wars everywhere you find podcasts

Robert what's up go to punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly for all my I'm gonna be in, where the fuck am I? Morris Plains, New Jer- what are you doing, dude? All right, dude, we'll fucking stop scrolling. I thought you were mad at me for coughing. I did too. Morris Plains, New Jersey, November 22nd, 23rd, and then Point Pleasant on the 7th, and then New York. Uncle, where the fuck am I? I'm gonna be in, where the fuck am I?

Morris Plains, New Jer- what are you doing, dude? All right, dude, and then Point Pleasant on the 7th, and then New York, I'll go, where the fuck did you scroll in again? Gramercy Theater with the guys on December 11th, the 13th at Beacon, New York, and January, Kansas City at the Kansas City Comedy Club, and then January, I'll be at the Comedy Vault, I don't even know where the fuck that is, Batavia, Illinois, Illinois, and then January I'll be at the Comedy Vault. I don't even know where the fuck that is,

Batavia, Illinois, and then Governors in February. Just go to my PunchUp.live website, my special's up there. I'm actually gonna be putting live from the Village Underground. It's gonna be going up on PunchUp.live soon too. So look for that. Remember when we didn't get to open for you? Oh, Louis didn't.

I would have never had you open. Well, Louis asked. And you didn't. That's very funny. I'd never have you open. Dan's a very funny guy. Except for that one retard thing. And also that other joke.

That was the worst thing I've ever heard. No, it's not. I've heard way worse. I said we're not. It was like, you look like a thing that looked like a thing of another thing. I laughed harder when my aunt told me my mom was dead. That is pretty funny, though.

I was like, that's hilarious. And also, if I remember correctly, you did say you fell down laughing when that happened. You know, it's a good one when the fucking boatard starts cracking up. Boat hard? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't get it either.

Put that shit, do it that way to the other pot smoker. Sorry. Yeah. It's the smell. Yeah. Right here baby, it's right here. It's like no, I can't smoke right now. Why can't you smoke?

Why can't you smoke? Because he has pneumonia. Because I'd walk in and I'd, I'd walk in and I'd be like has pneumonia. Cause I had walking pneumonia. Cause I had walking pneumonia, you Latin. As you start making out. You had walking pneumonia, so you can't smoke it, Ken. Some gay shit. No, when I Googled it, they said the two things

you shouldn't do is smoke and fly. And I was like, well, I already flew. Yeah, Sue. Get in there. No, I want to feel it. I had pneumonia. Right? There's a lot of smoking and flying.

Oh. Fuck you. Fuck you. No, I want to laugh no the bed is oh he's going here to laugh I swear I swear to God. I swear to God. I'm here to, the thing I'm here to do is laugh. Jesus Christ. You guys did the old edgy, he made fun of 9-11. Honey, you sucked. He's out on a limb. He's out trying to sell it.

Yeah, dude, I, listen. He's out on a limb. You should have put this hat on it when I was picking this audience. I have two documented stinkers on this thing. Yeah. So you admit that the first one got zero. It didn't get the reaction I like,

but I felt the voice was there. What's going on with the cans today? At the beginning, nobody had cans on, now everyone does. Well, because you know what? I realized that we have them for a reason. And it does, you can hear who's talking over each other. It is a little bit easier to do it. It's a little better.

It's a little better. A little better. Maybe this is why you would have heard how bad that joke was. I'm sure. Yeah, it would have bounced. Gentlemen, let's take a quick moment and thank maybe my favorite sponsor on any of the podcasts that I do, which is smallbatchcigar.com, specifically because how generous they've been with us and

the cigar packages that they send us. So I know their sponsor goes as far as they've gone and has been as generous with all of us. Let me tell you something. I've gotten stuff from sponsors, but the amount of cigars they keep, I have to get another humidor. I gotta send some back. I mean, buddy, I have, I'm giving away like presents around the neighborhood. That's actually the best thing for this holiday season.

If you go to smallbatchcigar.com, you get somebody a subscription box, you get somebody some cigars, get somebody the best cigars on the goddamn planet. I have so many that they've given me that I'm going to start giving them out this holiday season. You know how I found out about this place? My agent got me this two years ago, or a year and a half, for a present, small batch cigars. It came in the mail, and I loved every month it came. And you know why it's great?

Because they come with the Bavita pack. They pack them correctly so they don't get damaged when they get there. Fast shipping, and they come perfect, ready to smoke, right out of the box. Yeah, and I mean, every brand you can name, brands you can't name, they have smoke, right out of the box. Yeah, and I mean every brand you can name, brands you can't name, they have a new section that has incredible stuff. Joe, how do you feel about Small Batch Cigars?

I don't know, I've never really experienced it, but I was just in Key West and I smoked about 50 cigars, not from Small Batch. You would have loved this service. They could replenish me if they wanted. Seriously what is going on with small back I will quit this podcast if I don't get a hundred fifty dollar gift card that of entries that end by December 31st Look, they got a great deal right now use the promo code regs reg zed for the European fans You're gonna get 10% off your order You're gonna get 5% rewards points and until the end of the year each code is gonna be used to enter the listeners into your raffle for a hundred for $150 gift card and midnight December 31st is the last time somebody's gonna be able to do this. This is gonna select the winner on the

second of January so make sure you do it by then. This is it great this holiday season smallbatchcigar.com. And back to the show. So you're cooking your turkey for Thanksgiving? I'm cooking my turkey. Who are you having over? I'm having over Bee. Bee? C and D. I'm back, I'm back. I was going to say you never left.

C and D. You fucking goose. You silly goose. My great aunt Marie, my son, my niece, Beatrice's sister. How big of a table do you have to set? So does long hoodie. Why is it so fucking long?

It's so fucking long. It's like a dress. I love it. You should get a belt. I'm so little. I'm such a little girl. You having anybody else over? Any girls?

Any girlfriend? No, no, no, no. Comics? What's the puss situation at? You did her with, you got a bunch of strange coming over? No, no, I was gonna have some people over. Such a fucking degrading, what's the puss? So what's going on?

There gonna be some hot ass over there? My turkeys. The best, did you already get it? The greatest turkey of all time. What size turkey are you getting? How big? The biggest one I can get. What size are you get? How big? The biggest one I can get. What size are you gonna get?

I don't know. You don't know? The biggest one I can get. Last year I had two smaller one. You had what? Two smaller one. I'm sorry, what? Two smaller one?

Two smaller one, that's actually Paco's mother's name. He goes, Louis, you gotta stop, you're making me very hungry. Two smaller one? Two smaller one turkey? That was funny, he said it's his mom's name. Then you stepped on it. I did.

Getting healthy again. I'm getting too small. I got too small one last year. Now I can't stop saying it like that. Too small one? Are you confident in your turkey cooking ability? It was the best turkey I've ever had in my entire life. How, what did you do?

Turk or butter injection system. This is system? It's what Bobby does. You know what? At least Lewis is who he is. You're in disguise as a good person. He's the devil in disguise. We're on a comedy show.

Bobby just injecting butter into his side. He's got to hide it from dawn. Bobby, where's the land? Who wants another round of star? I would love another round of Starbucks, but Bobby in between his fingers and toes, but after he does it, he rubs the thing. He goes, oh, that's good. But it has to carry his Irish gold. Did it? Fuck that's buttery. That's a buttery shot. So you did butter injections on your, did you stuff it?

Dougie, last year I stuffed it, this year B is making the stuffing, so we're not doing the stuffing in the turkey, but the butter injection is the game changer. It's a fucking game changer. How do you do it? You know what it is? No, explain it to me. It's a giant heroin needle that you fill with butter and you just shoot it directly into the fucking meat

Oh, you watch it like literally get fatter with butter you cream pie with butter all cream pie all through the fucking day all you and you keep doing just do from the bottom just It's so when you bite into the turkey, it's just buttery? Yeah. That sounds nice. I like that. It's, uh, yeah. Dude, it's got to go some more. It's the most moist.

I mean, I'm telling you right now, I did it last year, and I don't even really give a shit about turkey. Turkey's always kind of dry to me, and I'm like, it's my least favorite thing on the plate on Thanksgiving. Really? It was... Agreed. It was...

Agreed. I'll bring it to the regs we record after. I swear dude, it's... I'm not... My mouth is watering. Can we have turkey sandwiches? Yeah. I just had an idea. Please. The Christmas Gramercy, you bring a Christmas turkey. Yes, you make it, you shoot it with the butter and bring it and we taste it and eat it. And that's how we pay... Somebody has to... That's how we pay HFOLY. Is it in Turkey? Does he still accept that? I don't know. Dan, you know what we could also do,

we could buy a ticket for the Turkey to fill one of the seats. Boom. Not bad. One more seat down. You know what, you break off a couple of those arms. Our entire staff, you guys are all buying seats, by the way, just so you guys know.

Yeah, four of them. Yeah, I'll do a medium one. Dan, you don't, you don't do anything. Can I get a seltzer or something too? You don't do anything. Yeah, I'll do another do a medium one. Yeah, and you don't you know, I'm gonna seltzer is right Do you don't do anything what for Thanksgiving? Yeah, I go to Boston, but you are you go to her family Yeah, I used to go to my grandma's like when are you gonna start doing your own traditions? Well, we go to her parent We go to Boston because her brother and sister-in-law come from Chicago and then we do Thanksgiving in Boston

and we do Christmas in Denver. What are you? Sorry, all right, I just wanna answer questions. I'm just kidding, Dan. I wanna answer questions. It was a joke. No, it's not. I was sort of making fun of Bobby's boring story

from last week through you. Yeah. I'll do another one. Listen, dude. Dude. I'm just trying to fucking get something going and you gotta fucking do that every time. So you're gonna be in Boston this Thanksgiving week?

You know what, you can keep doing it. I don't care. You're being negative right now No, you're a little bit of a riff. I'm glad you guys are finally getting into this a little ball bus And honestly, I can't take it anymore. So I don't know what it is. So pop I don't have anything Yes, he does anytime I ask something you have he's got a fucking go not this not that you're fat You're butter you're fat, you're butter, you're fucking this. I mean, I don't even say shit. I don't say shit. If it makes you feel any better?

Because I don't want him to fuck. Last week, he said something. He sat there for 40 minutes sulking. Bobby, I don't think you're better than anybody. I don't say shit. Yeah. I don't say shit. You just hold on to it. No, I'm not fucking, I'm just asking Yeah, I don't say shit I'm just asking you I'm trying to for having a full-fledged meltdown right now. I know

Wow, that's gonna be a delicious meltdown You fucking can't take it what do you so you are you gonna ever do a Problem we get a house when you but we're not gonna have people over in our apartment. No, because there is a thing where there's a point when you're with a chick where it's like, when are we gonna do this... Well, I felt bad for her. For the first like six years I had to go visit my dying grandmother. That's terrible. So I had to go up like, yeah, I had to go to like Sacramento and just sit there and be like, hey Nana! And she's like, you're dad, you're Gary now. She started calling me Gary.

Oh, she did? Yeah, for like a couple years we'd be like, it's Dan. I can't be shitty with him. You didn't let her have it? No, fuck that. That guy fucking left me. I'm not gonna fucking let her call me a dude that ran out on me.

She's like, Gary. He didn't. You wanna fight? He walked out. He didn't even wanna put that much effort in. He sauteed out with a cream. Bye, big head. See, there are both of us. I didn't even want to put that much effort in. He sauteed out with a cream. He was like, bye big head. See, there are both of us.

I didn't even blow it in your face. I blew it in your face. You guys are being fucking... I'm getting it. Again, it's not the drugs. I would like the weed blowing in my asshole. If you guys want me to smoke, I'll never smoke again. Ever again. It smells like a fruit roll up. I blew it in Dan that time and now you guys are still. You blew it all right. Having people over is a house thing. He's got a house. No it's not. I had an apartment. We used to have people. You had an awesome apartment though. It was

alright. It was small. Your apartment's awesome. What are you talking about? Yeah but it's not big enough to have people over. Yeah your apartment is twice the size of my apartment I had. No it wasn't. Yes sir. No it's not. 100%. It's not twice the size. Your living room was huge. You had two floors. Yeah, but they were small floors.

What? I had a duplex, but it was a bedroom, a living room, and a small little dining room area. Mine was at, I think it was 700 square feet. I don't know what mine is. I don't know, I've never known square feet either. What's the square footage of this place? It's around, around, around, uh,

600, 350. Oh, this room, you mean the whole place? Yeah, probably 600. 600 square feet, plus 350. I believe it. I don't know shit about square footage. It's a small apartment. Well, this episode died.

We were doing well, too. You derailed us, you derailed. Damn. How did I derail? Damn. You started shitting on him. He started freaking out on me because I fucking made fun of him. I didn't freak out. I can't make fun of Bobby anymore. That's the thing. You didn't make fun of me?

Then it turns into a phone call. I'm like, dude, what do you got a fucking problem? I never had a fucking phone call. Do you? I don't say shit to you. You did. When? There was a couple. Dude, you had a fucking meltdown. What are you talking about? Yeah. Meltdown butter.

You were sweating butter. Yeah, you were, what are you talking about? Butter. I was on first episode. I've never had a meltdown. I fucking take it. I take the hits. I'm fine.

I actually took that and then made it into the butter, I'm fat, I'm this. Can I say something, Bobby? Yes, sir. I think it's time that Lewis and Joe change their seats. Yeah. I think it's time that Lewis and Joe change their seats! Yeah! It's deep in the second hour, tensions are high, Bobby and Lewis are across from each other, Joe lifts right over here. We're still across from each other.

Yes you are, and Joe's over here. Oh look, it's uh, Chief can't open his mouth. Not bad, not bad. For he can only eat maize taken off the cob. For then the bite is tiny enough for the brave to eat it. I really like this seat. Yeah dude, what's up? Welcome over here.

Thank you. Did you turn the AC on? I took my sweatshirt off though. Okay. Lou? Yes? How you doing? Welcome to this side of the table.

This is a great side. Welcome to the wrong side of the tracks. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. How are we gonna get back on track? I'm trying to be positive.

You know. Hold on. Shut up. Great joke. Thank you. Stop the presses. Quiet. Be quiet.

Be quiet. Ah. Damn. Dude. Ah. Ah. Watched. I got a Luke, I reckon 7-11. Damn, dude. Watched. I tried the Luca record 7-Eleven. Oh my God.

Come on, bro, that's not what they, that's not how they sound. Don't drop me. Jeez, Louise. Please, please make that the clip. It's a bit warm for a ski mask. Watch Gladiator with James last night. Gladiator 2.

Gladiator 1 is prepping for Gladiator 2. you're gonna wear like basketball shorts like a strip club you can bone up when you're watching it. gladiator is great. gladiator is awesome. it's a great fucking movie dude. but it's a lot of falsities. what? falsities. okay I'll bite. did you help James with his homework? I'll bite. not as many as braveheart. why was it falsity? did James tell you this? I'm not 100% positive that falsities is a word. It's a word. But keep going. No, let's get into history lesson for us. What happened? Well, I went to the Coliseum. Oh, really?

I went to the Coliseum, too. The LA Coliseum? Yeah, it's basic. Pause. Pause. You see the tone in which he said it and how he's coming the fuck at me. Guys, I said I went to the Coliseum.

It was a combative way in which he said it. Let me back up. fight at me guys. It was a combative way. Let me back up. Back up. How would you back it up? Try it again. Ready? Say it. I went to the Coliseum. I went to the Coliseum too.

That's the way you should have said it. Listen, we know I have tone issues. You do have tone issues. You're tone deaf. I have tone issues. You're fucking tone blind. How about this one? Let's do it again.

Ready? Do it one more time. I went to the Coliseum. I went to the Coliseum too. Wasn't it awesome? Amazing. Before you before that, I'll tell you what you did before. Let about this one? Let's do it again. Ready? Do it one more time. I went to the Coliseum. I went to the Coliseum too. Wasn't it awesome? That's amazing. Before, I'll show you what you did before. Let me do it.

Let me do it. You want to do it? I'll do it. I went to the Coliseum. I went to the fucking Coliseum. Who gives a fuck? Fuck you, you fucking asshole. What's your problem, dude?

You see? It's his problem. I'm trying to be positive. It's him. Fucking sucker. Oh my God. Bobby, we're both the same lunatic. We're both the same lunatic.

We're both the problem here. Can I say something though? You switching seats have made everything better. I don't think so. I feel a better vibe. A better vibe? A better vibe. A better vibe.

He's singing. We're at a brothel where he doesn't know that he's the same psycho. A better vibe. Oh, oh, oh, boo. As soon as I said it. I heard. You're sitting here.

So, tell us about, sorry. Tell us about what actually happened in nature. Well, all that shit, all not true. All of it? No. Why? They don't do that. There was no thumbs up thumbs down. They would do this I think

Black pride. They would do black pride. They would say black pride. Black lives matter. Gene Siskel invented the thumbs up. No, they wouldn't do that and then they also wouldn't kill them. They would kill them. Kill him. Very rarely. You don't kill him either. You've never been to the Coliseum. Yeah, I fucking, I'm sorry. I actually have been. Sorry. That was a question. I have been to the Coliseum. We are getting down each other's throats right now. Hey buddy, you've... I have been to the Coliseum. See me and Dan, maybe it's whoever's to my left I have a problem with. This is your problem angle? No, dude. It's like a blind spot. If your father used to yell at him. If you were an adopted...

This is the car. This is the car. If you were a dog at the pound, this would be on your chart. Yeah, and then he gets aggressive. Don't stand to dog at the pound, this would be on your chart. Yeah, no, it gets aggressive. Don't stand to his left. Yeah, because he gets aggressive on his left. And I go, hey, buddy. He goes, hey.

But no. Did you really go to the Coliseum? Yes, I did. OK. Then you would know what I'm saying. You would know that they did not. Well, did you? Or so I didn't just go to the Coliseum.

I went to the Coliseum, but before they fought it, we took. Here's 20 bucks. look the other way. I'm gonna go down there. I could smash into that guy. Here, can I fight one of those lions? Oh, dude, call me Spaniard. No, well I took gladiator lessons the day before we went to the Coliseum,

and they did give, it was pretty cool. They really broke down for you. Walk me through how that guy ripped you off. What? Gladiator lessons? No, they do, they do. No, they give a real gladiator. I swear I have the certification at home.

Bring it in next episode. Luis J Gomez gladiator. Bring it in next episode. I do have it actually. Yeah, they do the tours. You can do different, you can go down on an eighth where they used to have the people and the animals. The gay sex.

No, you can take gladiator. I didn't do any of that. It's really fun. It was really cool. And but they taught you that the gladiators were like they're like almost like pro wrestlers right so they got popular I'm trying to speak your language but they would like for first of all they're they're valuable these slaves

they make money and they draw crowds so you if your slave killed one of the other slaves that slave owner would owe you money No, sure They would wound each other and then they would they would like finish each other off They would do like very like so it was like Jake Paul and Tyson. Yeah, yeah To be honest, but they had like big bellies because they would like they would get they would cut their stomachs But they wouldn't like cut any organs so they would like blade and shit not blading but they would like it was just done in a way where they were like Then they did they did fight to the death sometimes they bladed with swords

Yeah, oh good, but they fucking they hunted like animal they did cool shit They hunted animals, but they did do this stuff with the the chariots Yeah, with all that they would fill it with water and they would have boat fights How would you would you like draw it would you like draw be like I it? Would you like draw it, be like, I got a lion today, and someone would be like, I got a boat fight. No, they would like have a, like Dana White is like the emperor, and he would come in. Yeah dude, he would go, ooh, I got you

in a you versus tiger match. He'd go, fuck! Was there a Joe Rogan? Yeah. There was that, dude, that was the coolest shit as well. They would have like animals fight. They would have like a lion fight, a fucking tiger, or like a rhinoceros.

A gorilla, and a gorilla. They had a gorilla fight, a a fucking what if they did the thing like don't say at the zoo I thought Don King invented that But that's like that's like they were going like hunts right they'd like you be they'd release a bunch of wild animals that People didn't see drafts in Rome. A giraffe was like a fucking alien. People were like, it's a long neck horse with spots on it. It's insane. You'd see this shit and you'd be like, this is fucking wild, dude.

Can I just say something? Pretty accurate description. I mean, I was laughing, but it's probably the most descriptive thing of a giraffe I've ever heard in my life. It's perfect. A long necked horse. And you go, that's exactly what it is.

You have to take it from a guy who looks at stuff purely. Yeah. It's a long necked horse. What's wrong? Yeah, no sharp teeth. Lewis not scared of it. He talks like a caveman. He goes, not threatening. Lewis, happy. Lewis. He looks at it the way the Romans looked at it back in the day. Is that a long-necked horse? There's a great game called I forget what it's called but it's that talk like a caveman, and in the game you're only allowed to use one syllable words, and it's such a funny way to talk. Watch, we'll do it right now. You only use one syllable, all right, ready?

There you go. Gay. Blood, cum, jizz, bod. All right, you're all hopped up. No, we have real chief needs to talk on pod. Oh, I don't like that. I have to pee. Why are you guys?

Go pee. Go pee, Bob. We not lose much. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Show will be more good. So would. Dan, voice. Dan, voice. Will be more good so would Dan voice Dan voice

Interrupt Dan, cut off Bob Punch. Dan, interrupt. That's true. Dan can't fucking break. Dan can't do a bit without a voice. Dan, Dan, dumb. Dan can't do a bit. Dan, sad. Dan, mad. Dan, voice, no way. Now you sound like you're doing a Native American.

Bob, what were you? What's another death? Say? What was it? I say, you say He make fun of me.

Good thing. You say good things. God damn, this is like a brain injury podcast. I love it. Who had to pay? You had to pay? No, you had to pay. Don't pay. You misremembered. Oh, you're drinking it.

So, but the new one that's coming out is more like real, correct? I don't know. The first one was fucking cool as shit. Because they have the boats and shit, the new one that's coming out. So cool. I heard it's awesome. You're correct. And they used to give out tickets for free.

Like our shows? Yeah. Gramercy Theater, December 11th. Come witness, gladiators. The gladiator wait as well. Yeah. As we flood the Gramercy. Ah, shit. I can't wait for the Gramercy. It's going to be a blast. You know what, as we flood the grammar seat.

Oh, shit. I can't wait for the grammar seat. Even if it's completely empty. No, it's not gonna be empty. We're gonna be at least half sold. What? That's good. We're gonna sell out. I think we're gonna sell out too.

I think so too. Joe's getting my, but mine never sell tickets to the week of a show ever. So. Well, you're saying me, I'm just reflecting back what they're saying. You're freaking me out. Yeah. Oh, yeah It's not me. It's these people keep emailing being like when are you gonna promote we promoted?

Yeah, but they want more. Well, what they want? Don't you're yelling at me Selling out right you've sold out before right? Yes. Okay, so if you've sold out then we're gonna sell They have those emails from the tickets They sold from that. I don't know They do so tell them to send a fucking email blast out with one of the video We made and then those people be like oh no shit, so what a great thing something feels fishy here Yeah, yeah, Joe

Theater not have I have I don't have the money. They're not paying me. They keep going, why are they not promoting? When are you going to promote? I think their thing is, we yelled about how we're going to sell out a few months ago, and then we cancelled. Yeah. Hexclad is maybe the best gift you can get for that person in your life, maybe your wife, your husband, whoever likes to cook in your life.

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Happy holidays. Hey Joe, what are you gonna do for Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving, I'm driving, I'm doing shows with Louis. Tuesday and Wednesday, he's, we're doing, I don't know what the hell it is. Some show in Lynn, the city of sin. Wait, you're gonna be in Massachusetts? I don't know, you just said it before.

Well, also from there, what are you talking about? No, but I also like, I've never not been in Massachusetts. I didn't know you were gonna be close to me. Lynn's, I'm gonna be in, I'm gonna be. Yes, that's what I said earlier to you, you framey. Dizzy fuck. Yeah. Framingham is not even close. Framingham and Lynn aren't close.

Not even close. Damn it. It's like 35 minutes. 40. 40 minutes. That's not far. It is. But it's not like, you dizzy fuck. Framingham and Lynn aren't close. Not even close. Damn it. It's like 35 minutes. 40. That's not far. It is. But it's not like, oh my God. That's close enough that if one of my closest friends

was 35 minutes from me, two nights were Thanksgiving and I was hanging out with my friend. Hey, hold on. I would drive to see him unquestionably. I was thinking about what's right up the highway from Framingham. Kowloons. No, it's where his parents are from.

They're from, where did Louie grow up? Newton. I thought it was Newton. Yeah, Newton's closer. Wait, Framingham to Lynn right now is an hour and 42 minutes. Jesus Christ. Newton is an hour and 10. Do you guys know the Nate story?

When I first met Nate and I was like, hey, we should go to Florida. We should go to watch the University of Florida play Georgia in Jacksonville. And Nate was like, hey, we should go to Florida, we should go to watch the University of Florida play Georgia in Jacksonville. And Nate was like, yeah, all right, I don't know if I have the money for a plane ticket. And I go, yeah, was it like a six hour drive? This is crazy.

First of all, do I remember? It was my idea, that was me that kept pushing that. But in front of Nate though? Yes, it was the three of us hanging out. At Stand Up New York? And you're like, we'll just drive. That's a very damn thing to do. Cut somebody out completely. This was out completely. You're talking about someone

that cut me out of you eating his McDonald's burger. The bit that maybe made his career. I'm the one that took the bite out of the big. Nothing makes me happier than when Joe gets so furious because it's his story that somebody, he was like, this is crazy. I was, I pushed it for years. I was like, we should go to the world's largest outdoor cocktail party. And then you said we'll drive. What's it, four hours? Six hours.

And then Nate went on stage and just was talking about me at, on Lewis's show at Stand Up New York. And I walked in the room and he goes, there he is. He goes, that guy, that guy thinks Jacksonville six hours away. And I was just standing there like, oh fuck. Yeah, but I, I really, I'm sorry. I was the one that went crazy.

I know more geography than him. I was like, what are you crazy? You couldn't get to Atlantic City in that time. I really did. Florida was six hours away. I'm furious. But it's good. Dude, when I first started dating Kim Congdon,

she was her first winter ever. Like she'd never experienced snow before. And it started snowing. Dude, this is one of the funniest fucking things that anyone's ever said. No, she goes, oh my God. She was like, that's snow? And I was like, yeah.

She was like, it's so small. I was like, what'd you think? She was like, I thought like they would come down with like snowballs like this. What? She thought snow was like. What kind of fucking Mario world does she live in? that is that is just a chip from Florida Florida girl thing holding her hand out, catching the snow Joe. I'm sorry. I erased

you from that story. Yeah, I appreciate it. I mean, I feel like I was the one that really nailed you. Were you because I just remember Nate doing it as a bit when I walked into stand up New York. That's what I remember specifically. No, I never. But you got erased, dude. Yeah. I'm sorry I erased you. What are you gonna do? I'm like the Jews.

This is history. Erasing you. What do you guys think, you know? What are you, who's, are you guys, are you guys cooking anything? You're cooking, or Don't cooking? I'm cooking, yeah. You're not cooking at all?

No, I don't cook. I clean. Well, you're not helping, Don? Thank you, Paco. I clean. Cleaning's a big fucking thing., I don't cook. I clean. Well, you're not helping, Don? Thank you, Pato. I clean. Cleaning's a big fucking thing. I do the, on meetings I clean everything. I do all the dishes. I put everything away.

That's so great of you and amazing. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Do you cook? But she doesn't want me in the kitchen. We're having Nikki and Jim over, too. Oh, that's fun. Yeah.

Yeah. That's fun. It is. It's fucking great. Nikki and Jim are coming over. Jim's like, you just have a sausage. That's good. That was pretty good. Norton. Yeah. You're just like a random shot at taking a Jim Norton. I don't cook work clean. I'm a classic boy. I just lay on the couch football. Yeah,

but you're not having Turkey. Nobody's cooking food at your house. Yeah, we cook. Well, I go to my parents. My sister's going to Turkey. My son's mother's cooking some I'm cooking the turkey. That's my foot. And I'm doing a big salad and a big set where you guys are at both because Joe's got the little baby boy for Christmas, but like Christmas season for you two, now that they are teenagers, now that there is this is the first year we're actually teenagers. I don't know what they're both like. What are they? 10? I don't know what he's got every he has everything 11

We got it all 11. There's nothing. I don't know what to get And it's like literally obnoxious There's toys for the past two or three years that he hasn't opened that from Christmas that are still unpackaged and I'm like Yeah, I can't just like justify sure you wrap or and give them again I can't there's nothing that he literally nothing that he needs. I think I might buy him a gun. Well, that's crazy No for New Hampshire No, no, that's crazy. Doesn't matter what state you're buying it for her He's an IRA certified. He loves shooting guns. We shoot all the time all summer

No, I know but I don't want to do the podcast episode where we have to apologize to the family of seven I will let you know that Where's where's where's this gun gonna be In New Hampshire. Like locked away? Yeah. He'll never be around my son with it? It could be the first of your social life. By the way, this is a good question. Your son will accidentally shoot James in his head.

No, he's very good at this. Every year Max hurts James. And then we have to go to the- Since we've known Max, every year on his birthday, there's a moment, I watch them at this, because I know, at one point, because Max is strong now, but Max will fucking physically assault James accidentally every year on his birthday, there's a moment, I watched them, because I know, at one point, because Max is strong now, but Max will fucking physically assault James accidentally

every year on his birthday. It's crazy. Well, remember the first time? The first one, they were just, the cutest little babies are one years old, like James has a maraca, Max has a fucking little rattler noise thing, right? And they're just like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, they're taking like, say cheese, and Max goes,

doosh. Oh, I remember that story. Yeah, dude, it was fucking wild. I have that video, I'll try to get it to you. It was evil. Yeah. It was evil. But James is such a strong character, but he takes it.

He just takes it right in the chin. Does he talk to you, does he go, Max, hurt me again. He got mad at Max. For when? He got mad at Max the last time. Why? He got mad because it was, and I talked to him, I was like, the only reason he was saying it like this is because I was like, just deal with it with Max.

I was like, I don't need to tell Bobby. It's not a fucking, I was like, dads don't need to be involved. I'll only tell him if there's 200,000 people. Well, it's just kind of funny. Are you going to sell ads on them? It was just a moment. They, I guess Max was kind of busting, or James was busting Max balls, and he was gonna text his other friend

a video of Max doing something embarrassing or whatever, right? Fucking. And then Max was like, no, don't do it. And then he grabbed the phone, James' phone from James, and he threw it, he was fucking around, and it broke the phone case. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

The phone or the case? The case, just the case. So, you know, James was- It's fun watching you scale your anger back. Yeah. No, no, no. You broke his phone, dude. And then you're like, a case?

What is it, $15 a target? No. No, he just said he was like, you know, so he was just like, he was like, yeah, I was like, I got mad. We talked, I was like, you're talking about it? He was like, yeah. I was like, I was like, all right, and that's it. Yeah.

I was like, you know. Those two work it out quick. Yeah, no, it was also, he wasn't like bullying him. He was being funny. Like he was grabbing it to like be funny and then then he fucking even like grab it, smash it being like what bitch I then I'm like James, did you choke him out? That's the problem with James. James could fucking just choke him out. James has the confidence like dude, I'll hurt you. And he has, I mean he has a couple of times. Do you guys think it's weird that

you like in like a couple of years, your sons can listen to you guys hang for 12 years on podcasts. I talk about it in my act. Hopefully my new closer is a story about me sucking Bobby's dick, about James, about how he's gonna find it. Were you guys both on the show? On Village Underground.

Were you both on the show now? Yeah, it was the regs. I don't think Joe was on the show. Yeah, I feel like I wasn't there. It was Dan, Jim Norton. Norton, Bailey J, Dan, on the show. Yeah, I feel like I wasn't there. It was Dan, Jim Norton. Norton, Billy J, Dan, you, and me. Yeah, I feel like I wasn't there for that. I remember seeing the photo.

Oh, it was Brother live? That was a hell of a show. And it wasn't the wooden opener? No, it was a rubber one, I bought it. It was real. Whatever. I'll tell you, there was a moment where he started throwing neck on it,

where I was like, this is, I feel like this guy would really suck me Off good. I was at the stank fest though. We burned riches hat that was The first gang fest I actually felt second I didn't think I trust one because I had to work Cleveland Tuesday to Sunday I actually felt sad for a crazy why do those gigs? That hat is $30. We paid him 200. I know know, but I felt like I could steal his butt on the head. We got him four more hats. Oh, that was so fun.

That was great. It was like hot. Is that the one where the chick pulled her boobs out? The guy girl? No, that was just a skanks one night. Oh, that was skanks. I still follow her on Instagram. She's hot, rain or something like that?

Rain dove mom. Rain dove. Rain dove, yeah. Rain dove. Rain dove. I haven't seen a boob in a long time. Like a random out in the wild yeah yeah that Norman's bachelor party I guess really yeah it's been a while it's been a while you went to a strip club at the bachelor party oh you know bring him

back to a few what strip clubs okay what are you bringing back girls you're gonna do a bachelor party come on I'm gonna figure back to be that kind of guy you don't have to be there we don't need you on the bachelor party. Come on. I'm gonna throw your bachelor party. Be that kind of guy. You don't even have to be there. Let me throw the bachelor party. Why don't you want to do a bachelor party? It's gonna be stuff you want to do. Can I tell you something Dan? Can I give you a little piece of wized? I didn't do a bachelor party because I was like, what am I doing? I'm 39 years old or whatever the fuck I was. I guess I was 35. I was like, I'm 35, I'm sober. I did all was 35. I was like I'm 35. I'm sober. I did all the strips and the titties and the shit. I don't need a bachelor party. And then

when we did Norman's, I was like, Oh, I totally should have done a bachelor party. Cause you don't have to fucking eat women out and all that shit. You can't just go get a house. Plus we're very successful now. We get a house on the water, smoke cigars, bullshit, swim in the pool. Isn't it? Like dude, I like this. We did Big J's bachelor party. Oh, we have Thai food versus pizza? And then we're gonna have some fucking asshole airing under the podcast.

So for years and years, I have to answer questions and everyone thinks we hate each other, we don't. We had Big J's bachelor party when we were all fucking broke and I was like collecting $60 from everybody to like get these Dominicaners to come in. That was right when I moved here. It was also maybe the best bachelor party ever.

When you're doing it on a budget, it's like you have to figure out a way to make it great, and we just did, dude. We had Philly cheesesteaks lining stand up New York. We had fucking... Philly cheesesteaks and pussy. Dominican hookers just fucking sucking and fucking... It should be every bachelor party.

Just Philly cheesesteaks and hookers. You want hot meat, some other hot meat? Doggie, it was really fucking... These bitches did the best show ever. Every fucking party. Just really cheese steaks and hookers. You want hot meat? Some other hot meat? It was really fucking, these bitches did the best show ever. Dude, we told them to skank so many times, but they did a show for Jay at the end. They bring him on stage, and they're doing a sexy dance for him, right?

And dude, they fucking, there's four Dominican hookers. Holding up his stomach? No, they were trying to get his pants down until he pulled his dick out, and he's fighting them. And he's, dude, they're holding his arms and legs out and he's dude he's fighting them they're holding his arms and legs and he's got a small dick like Gulliver's Travels with the little people who are pinning him down he's getting serious you see him go come on

he's got a small willy dude they pull his pants down like dude they pull his pants and his underwear down and his dick at this point because he's so terrified that all of his friends patrice is there David Tell there, all his friends are in the room. His dick has fucking turtled into his body. So it's not, it's a pussy. He has a pussy. He's got just a hole where the dick should be. Dude, it's, it was so rough that literally nobody made fun of him. It was 45 comedians and everyone just looked down and went,

Oh shit. We didn't bring it up to him for years. We brought it up to him years later. So funny. The first guy that tries to break it, he's like, AC's busted over here or something. It's fucking crazy. You go, it's fucking freezing in here, right? Anyways, you got a light?

We did that and then we did Zach's bachelor party, and we had a little bit of success at that time. That was the night that Shane found out he was getting SNL, was the night of, or no, no. Yeah, yeah, it was the night he found- Shane goes with Zach and Miko's bachelor party? Yeah, we were doing fucking Molly at Zach's bachelor party with Dominican hookers.

Made up in the same company. Where do you get Dominican hookers? I just call this- Is there a Dominican hooker? You just got to call like a service and they show up. Let me play in the bachelor party and not fluid. No, no. We got a little cash. We're doing better now.

So we get white. We get Puerto Rican. Russian ones. Now, do you think this bad neighborhood? We're not going to get on the map, baby. We're going to get dancers. Still your best bet to this day. Dan, can we do a bachelor party for you?

Yeah. Yeah. I would do that. If we just we do a bachelorette for you? Yeah. I would do that. If we just got like a fun house, I would absolutely. A fun house. And a fun house. And the cat skills. We'll go to the cat skills.

In the mirror. Boom. Da da da da da. Whoa, whoa, boob. You want a tent? Dan wants magicians. He wants Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah, I go, can you make me have a six year old's

birthday party? Doggie, no, we will do it. Fucking, not of the cat skills That's crazy. Well, you can also do what we did with marks my idea You go to Tampa or whatever and you do three shows the first day you make fucking 50 grand And then everybody pays everybody flights were paid sexy Don't know how much you make on the road. Well, it was nine. I did I saw what I made I didn't do the show. It was me Ari Norman Bert and fucking you think I'm making 50, make on the road. Well, it was nine. I did. That's not what I made. I didn't do the show. It was me, Ari Norman, Bert and fucking you think I'm making fifty

thousand on the road. I'm not. I do really well, though. Yeah, you go. All right. You're not okay. We go to Tampa. Why? What do you want to go? People said, but then you're not like you're walking on a city, you're on the beach. When are you getting married? I don't know yet.

Oh, we don't even have a date for the wedding yet. You're lying. Boring, swear to God. I hate when you do that. It doesn't have to be Tampa, but somewhere where there's a role. Why do you have to do honest young boy face? Yeah, why are you going to make me feel,

even the most honest eyes? Stop with your fucking little kid, you know, it's. I don't know, I'm skilled. But you do shows, it pays for everything. Norman's bachelor party, every single person got their air travel paid for, every meal was paid for. Yeah, everything's done. We do a show at SideSplitters.

And there was money left over, by the way. Sell the fuck out, we use all that money to pay for everything. It was gonna be us, we're probably not gonna sell it out. We'll get like 50%, 60%, and then we'll cancel. We'll make like $1,800. I think individually we could all sell out the Grammar thing. Why can't we sell it out together?

I had a thought we could all do 10 minutes of standup before the podcast. That would help sell. I think we should. Or 15, whatever. I think we should. 15, 30, 45 an hour. What if people give their tickets back?

Guys, there's somehow more tickets available now since you said you were doing standup. But you know what, dude? Honestly, you guys are just all too funny to do that. Buddy, we're gonna sell out. We only have 10 tickets left. Yeah, dude. They're gone.

They're almost gone. If you don't get your tickets. Everyone's listening to this, driving to Thanksgiving right now. And they're like, shit, I didn't get my ticket. Yeah. Guys. And you still have a week, two weeks to get it.

Yeah, more than that. Yeah, you gotta play. We don't even know who Santa is yet. H. Foley. I don't know. Karen Feehan. Yeahley. I don't know. Karen Feehan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Flavors of Santa. And Santa has to kiss everybody in the mouth. Whoa. So either way, I'm fine, whoever it is. H. Foley's like, hey, buddy, I'm sorry I gotta do this. What does that think he does, huh? He's got a weird little fucking lizard tongue. He laughs.

Him just coming in on you. He's like, oh fuck, alright. I'm a good boy. You know, somebody really famous. Really famous. Foley's famous, dude. Foley's okay famous. He's not famous famous.

Alright, who do you think? Can I get? Who's famous? Can I get Giamatti? Like a Shane. Giamatti. A Shane. A Tim Dillon. What, a Shane Dillon.

Shane's Fulton Tires. What about Dillon? Tim Dillon, why not Tim Dillon? He lives in Los Angeles. Tim Dillon would be a great Santa. He lives everywhere. Tim might be back here. Tim has property everywhere.

He's not gonna be, I think he's in Florida. And he cancels. Is that Mar-a-Lago? I think I presented it to him. Oh. My asshole. You presented it, I love that. I presented it.

While he was fucking me. I understand him to him. My asshole. You presented it, I love that. I presented it. While he was fucking me. I understand him canceling. But like, hey, we have to be booked and we're all excited and then he's like, oh no, I'm on the plane with Trump and R.F.K. I'm now the secretary of our, our, our, our, our, it's not that crazy, the idea.

I think Stavros, that's a flat tire, not a bump. Thank you, flat tire, remember flat tires? Yeah, you gotta flat tire, it's not a bump. It's. Flat tire? Remember flat tires? Yeah, you gotta remember flat tires. It's not a bum. It's not crazy that you're thinking a comedian could be in Trump's cabinet. Stavros would be a great one. Stavros, my vote is Stavros. We gotta text him. I'll text him right now.

I'm the closest with him. Who's the closest with Stavros? I think Bobby is. I think Stavros probably still has a big brother thing with Bobby. Yeah, he fathered him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Birthed him into this world. Yeah, Stavros is the fucking answer. Yeah, Stavros probably still has like a big brother thing with Bobby. Yeah, he fathered him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Birthed him into this world. Yeah, Stavros is the fucking answer. Yeah, Stavros is.

We're trying to get clicks on the pod too. We're trying to get fucking views. That's what I've been saying for fucking the whole time. What? What's wrong? We should have big, huge guests on to get clicks on the pod. Not big clicks.

We have to rap. No, why do we have to rap? I didn't say that, Dan said that. No, no, no, Dan said that. Dan? Edit that out. You're an idiot. You've not made me look like a fucking asshole.

Edit that out. Cut it out dude, he's got cancer. He's got cancer. I know, it's a great joke on Legion of Skanks. God damn it. And Jay broke it down appropriately. He's gonna survive. He hit a great joke on Legion of Skanks.

What was it? Ninely. Hey. What was it? Oh, come on dude. Can we edit that please, I that funny? I'm pretty funny. So I love these. I mean, well, you're going to do a fun bit after afterwards.

Why? Danny, why do we have to rabbit? No, no, no, no. And I have to go. I got bonfire. No, I got to go. No, I'm just coming in. I got to go I got bonfire no I gotta go gnomes coming in I gotta go no I don't know maybe going out hmm going out little dude I got a little dude Sarah's gonna spot tonight we both have spots but not a period I was forget you have a kid I got a kid you know you know if I have a kid energy yet all All right, everybody.

January 9th, Somerville, crystal ballroom, Tom Dustin, portrait of a comedian. December 11th, December 11th, December 11th, December 11th, December 11th, December 11th, December 11th, Gramercy Theater tickets still available. I'm not. I thought it was December 12th. December 11th. December 11th, Grand