Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Call For Cake | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #57

Episode Date: February 26, 2026

TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Every Man For Himself 6:16 - Tim Dillon ruins Joe’s Surprise 17:56 - Bert Kreischer hates Surprises 21:40 - Best Reader and SkankFeast 27:25 - Joe List’s crush on Keith Sutherland 33:21 - The Boy’s S*xual Awakening 34:49 - Producers are Crybabies 39:23 - Snoring is a crime 42:03 - Fats vs Stairs 44:56 - Joe loves Kirstie Alley 48:03 - Gabby Bryan outsold the Regz 58:06 - Future of Story Warz 1:07:13 - Lev Fer gave Louis CK a tag 1:16:10 - Peaceful Parenting 1:27:25 - Epstein and Cannibals 1:36:57 - Weddings Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss Tim Dillon being the surprise that ruins Joe List, Joe never had happy birthday sung to him, Bert Kreischer hates surprises, a gay crush on Keith Sutherland, which actress were hot, if you’re allowed to snore on a plane, Gabby Bryan outselling the REGZ at the Gramercy, future of Story Warz, Lev Fer giving Louis CK a tag, Epstein files, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/  https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  RoSparks https://www.ro.co/regz for $15 off your first order LucyGet 20% off first order w/ code “REGZ” https://lucy.co/ BodyBrain Coffee Use code REGZ20 to get 20% off https://www.BodyBrainCoffee.com/ MASA ChipsGet 25% off your first order of MASA Chips with code REGZ @ https://MASACHIPS.com/REGZ QuinceFor free shipping on your order & 365-day returns go to https://www.Quince.com/REGZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fill her up. We're back. It's the regs. I'm Robert Kelly. Bobbo. Bobo. Joe List, a.k.a.

The truth. USA, let's go, baby. A.k.a. The sick kid. Dan Soda, aka corporate Dan. Check the 401k. And we're slow rolling it on the man. Lewis is shitting.

He's not shitting. I guarantee. He's not sweaty. No, he's not going to shit. There he is. He just took the little peat on it. Louis J. Gomez, aka. The Rattlesnake.

Hey, PMA underwear. Yeah, dude, I was going to start. You couldn't wait 30 seconds. Oh, because we did all. And we also did all the ads. Nine. We also did all the ads. There go, monetization.

We did it. I started a body brain ad. Bobby cut it off. I cut it off. I didn't know what he was talking about. No. No, I did know what I was talking about. He was now.

I was saying it. Make sure you cut all that. You were trashy the body brain. I did the body brain coffee. That's right. Lewis, listen. Over here. I did one.

You did speaking to my African roots. I did it. Yeah, ba-ba. I did one. It was fantastic. And I do use body brain. May I say that? I have it every day.

Body brain coffee. You wake up. You put it in your pee hole. The best part of waking up is body brain your cuck. Lewis is a cuck. Whoa. You're actually a cuck. Oh, shit.

Yeah, I heard that. From who? I heard that from a big black guy. That's such a middle school. Dante! Can I say that that middle school move worked on me way too late in life? Well, I heard that and you go, from who? Now, let me ask you a question.

If you're a cock and you like a black guy banging out, you what? A bull. Does that mean? He knows the shorthand. Does that mean you're racist? Well, if you're woke, they think it's racist. It's a little bit steeped in like this big animal. banging out my chick. So I'm not racist. No, there you go. It checks out.

Do you want me to get my bowl on the phone? It's a lot. Bobby says, anyone calls him racist. I have a lot of bulls that are friends. I got a whole stable right now. I've never been into it. That type of line. No, not black guys. I like a white guy banging. Oh, yeah. I'm available.

I like a European with some foreskin pulling it back. Like a Gary Goldman type. Whoa. Too wordy for my checking. Great, great conversations. If you had to pick a friend to bang your chick, You've done this before. How do you know?

That is bullshit. We've absolutely done. We've absolutely. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bull shit. That's good. You know what?

I'm so stupid. It took me that long. I think we did do this. But let's do it again. Run it back. No, I think we did. Yeah, because we talked. We did this.

It wasn't a cuff thing. It wasn't if you had to watch. It was just if you had to pick your wife to bang a dude in a podcast. Not on the podcast. Fine. New shoe top. If my wife's banging. Hold on.

Not on the podcast, and you got to watch. And a comic that we all know. In this room, not this room. Not this room. Outside. Comic we all know. I know.

Fucking Rogan. Oh, I'd love to have Dawn just have a nice piece. You guys look too similar. Yeah. Do we? He can eat her out while he's standing up. That's funny.

I look like Rogan if he never made it. Doe Rogan. Oh, that's good. We've done that before, too. No, we've done that do Rogan. No, someone did Doe Rogan. Somebody did Google. Doe Rogan.

Somebody did Doe Rogan. I mean, the number one nickname for Bobby of all time was when Keith called you Judd Appetite. That was like, that's like no one who'll even compete with that. And that was after he had a stroke, so his brain was only working at 30% capacity.

It took him a full minute and a half to get the words out. I think you look like. And then everyone left him by himself. He woke up. Can we just say Keith Robinson after stroke is still one of the funniest guys He's the man. At the table.

He's the best. Stand up, eh. But. I'm going to tell you how much of a piece of shit he is, is that we still talk shit with football, and I don't care that he has a stroke. That I get mad enough that I tell him that that was God's punishment for liking the cowboys. Yeah, he's a piece of shit. I told you the time, I called him up after a second stroke, and he's going,

Bob, a fat fuck. I'm like, what's wrong with you? Bob, a fat fuck. And then I go, what are you doing? He goes, I'm at my speech therapist. I got work on my bees or this. It was literally I just heard a Haitian lady

Laughing in the background Very funny He's very funny He's gonna work out of his bees And heaps of fat fuck it One of that one had heard that's one of the funniest things I've ever heard He's one of the funniest guys going Oh

I don't care for No, he's... Go Rogan, a popular bun-based nickname Funbun based Bobby's always thinking about breads Oh You know you could turn that into a bun Dude I love buns

I do love bread I'm a bun guy It's my favorite thing Bro I might do do the fasting thing. I might try that. Three days? Don't do three days. I might do a day. That's an eating disorder.

No, it's not. Hold on. For autophagy, which is your body eating its dead cells and getting rid of the cancer cells, you need 72 hours. I wish you were in a cell watching your wife get fucked by a bull. Well, if you have a dead cell, just plug your phone in. Dead cell phone. Where is it? Where's the Bond Bandana? What are you talking about?

Where's the bomb? Don't ever say the full name. Bob Bandana bum me out. What is this in court? Why don't you give it? It's illegal. name. We're here for custody battle of bomb bandana. It's also, it's not a bomb bandana. It's a bomb

day. That's what we were saying. That's what they would just say. You're on one today. Yeah. Yeah, your girlfriend. One of them. She's a one. It's 10. It's 10.30 the morning. He's just drunk swinging at people outside the bar. I just got back. I've been gone for five days. I miss my son. I do like

I like the shirt, but the rope shit, the game of Thrones aspect of it. Yeah, it's a hockey shirt. Yeah, I don't like... It's a hockey sweater, you can't like it. Yeah, I know, but it's a hockey sweater from like the fucking 40s. Yeah, it's cool.

I don't know. Taking the colors back, baby. I do. I do love the Olympics. I love the Olympics. I love that we're back and we're chanting USA in an arena. USA. I miss that fucking.

I miss how much we used to love America four times a year. The thing is, though, about the Winter Olympics, other than the hockey tournament, the Winter Olympics kind of sucks. Shut your fucking mouth. The Winter Olympics rule. Luge. Luge skeleton. Fucking,

there's so much fun shit. But nobody's racing another person. It's just running out. So you have to look at the clock. Is he doing well? I can't tell if he's doing well. It's true. You can't tell who's doing well.

Lewis, help me out. Yeah, do you want to be the doubles? The double moguls? Double moguls? I haven't seen the double mogul. That shit was fucking crazy. Lewis is a double mogul. Coffee and comedy.

Hell yeah. By watching you process that. And then going like, yeah. I thought it called me a mongrel and I was upset. And I was like, I am a double mongrel. Would have been funny

a double mongrel. Double mongrel. No, I think the funniest was complimenting him and watching how retarded he is. It took me a second. Because you never compliment me, Joe. I comment you all the time. You're a fucking asshole.

You should see the footage. I need to see the footage. Can we say it, please? You're not seeing anything. Why am I not seeing anything? Because he's going to, he's going to screen it for you so he can film you crying. It's beautiful. You think I'm going to cry.

Yeah. You're crying in the movie. No way. You'll cry when he showed you the movie. You didn't get the... You don't get the... You cry. Hey, I will bet money that he will cry when you screen it to...

100%. You'll cry like a girl. No, no, no, no. Did you see it? No, we haven't even begin... We haven't done anything. I just know it just... It's just footage of my dad being stabbed.

He goes, who are you? Why are you filming this? But it's a cartoon version? Hey, let me ask a question. Did you get caught out of this? Did you cut them out of this movie? Yeah, right? I bet I am.

I bet the whole thing's about Skangfish. They cut me anyway. That would be really funny. It's just about Rebecca and Christine. Yeah. And you go, these women built up. playground. Rebecca was hammered

at the Skang Feast. To the point where I'd like, you gotta stop filming her. You had to go over and push the camera down and you go not right now, guys. I was working on it on the flight. I got to get this foot out.

I'll send it. It is so funny. I was howling laughing. It's you and Christine and Rebecca and they're talking and talking. They're drunk. They're talking. And then I wasn't watching you

because you're not talking. They're talking. And after like three minutes, you go, I got to tell you guys, I just totally blacked out for like three minutes. And then I rewound it.

And you can, can see you. You're staring the lens like this. And I fucking was like in the plane, calling laughing. It's just Lewis just loses the racket. It's like you went off line

for like three minutes. And then you be like, I just lost every day for a couple minutes. Now who's in it the most out of us? Beside you. Well, I don't know you. We haven't really We have a thousand hours of footage. Lewis is in the most. You haven't know that. You could have fucking popped off, dude.

No. A thousand hours of footage. It sounds like guest digital subscription. Guessers to LaCom. Dave was only at the festival for three hours. How many epic moments did you capture? All of them. A lot? It's crazy.

It's just going to be insane. We have Kim Cogden stage diving and no one catches her. Got to be one of the funniest fucking videos of it. I want somebody to put some type of sound. Yeah. The cartoon noises in it. We got that. And then we filmed all.

The Tim Dillon's surprise was crazy. Do you know the story about my story about that from my fucking, goddamn producers? No, we don't. Why would we know that? What? Still upset about it. What?

What's wrong? What's wrong, baby? One of my producers, they thought it would be fun to capture me. I don't want to get into it. It's crazy. It's too crazy. You can't.

So here's what happened. That was easy. That was easy. Never commit a crime with Joe List. Oh, my God. I'll tell you, who's there. I'll tell you everybody who's there. Bobby was the wheelman.

It's the angriest I've ever been in my life. I don't want to talk about it. No, dude. Come on, do it. You guys don't know about this? No, I don't mean, we might. So I was watching your fights Sunday afternoon. The big fighty fight bullshit.

And you're like, come do the play-by-play. So I go, great, which was the highlight. So I'm watching it, being hilarious with Harry and everybody else. And it's great. The best shot of the whole movie is Lewis is using ladies' tits as a speed bag. Shout at Ellie Stockholm. Yeah. And then it cuts to me and I'm like this.

Anyways. I'm punching her big fake tits. So I'm doing play-by-play. I got a call from Rebecca. It says Rebecca Trent is calling. Real quick, I just got an idea. We do one of these outside one day. Smoking cigars.

Doing a cigar tent. Well, we can do a regular thing. We should do the... We got to do it outside. But it has to be 420 friendly. That's fine. Smoke whatever you want. But now with fans, we're saying we're just going to do it with us.

Just us outside. On the roof. Smoking. I'll jump. All right. Yeah. All right. Sorry.

By the way, I saw that 3 minutes and 46 seconds, the pre-sale. the record this year. Wow. Because it's the fucking funnest festival, comedy festival around. Yeah. It's the best. Well, they all want to see the premiere of my film.

I think that's what it is. Probably. Maybe. So you are. So I get a call from Rebecca. And I'm in middle of the fights. And I'm like, I mean, you know,

Rebecca calls. You ignore it. That's just standard. What? I thought that would be funny. You guys didn't laugh. Because we love Rebecca. Yeah, we love her.

I always pick up what she called. She's the godmother of comedy. She's the best. She takes care of everything. She brought us into the creek and we had nothing. Oh my God. Literally, she would let people sleep on her couch. Thanksgiving dinner she would do for everybody.

She is a matriarch. She flirts with you like you could fuck her tits. I mean, you can. I didn't know that. Bobby leaves Dawn for Rebecca. At any given moment. Bobby leaves dawn for Rebecca. And you're like, that was a weird.

We'd be a great power couple. I was kidding. Rebecca, if you call, I'll answer. But I was live on the air. So I ignored the call. Then I finished watching the fights. Boobly boob, skipity boop. And then I get like this weird cryptic text from

one of the people on my crew that says, hey, do me a favor, don't come up here. We got a big thing going on. And so in my mind, I'm like, they're getting me a cake. I'm the best boss. Is he your birthday? No, no, but I'm the boss of the thing. A cake. Just randomly, just a non-birthday, non-celebrate.

Joe thinks cakes are around the corner at all times. Happy Joe Day to you. Happy Joe Day to you. Should be a happy Joe day, happy Joe day. Happy Joe day to you. Joe's like, I got a miss call from Verizon. They probably, yeah, they probably got a cake on the way. He thinks there's always a cake coming.

Joe's brain's broken. Everybody's like he orders his delivery and the guy's trying to find his apartment, he goes, this guy's probably pretty big a cake too. Oh, miss call, cake. I'll be right back, guys. What? What happened to you as a kid? He didn't get a kid.

He clearly didn't get a kid. He'd kick one day a year. It's your birthday. Can I tell you something? Please. I have not had a happy birthday sung to me since I was seven years old. Why? I don't know.

That's because you fucking suck as a friend. Let us do a party fee. He is right. That's not true. I went to your birthday one year at the pizza room. There's no cake. A few years. Yeah.

We didn't have cake. We had pizza. Yeah. So he gets a pizza cake. That's his workaround. It's because he had never. He's real friends to his parties. Yeah, dude, you fucking invite open micers to a park with a balloon.

Nobody's singing a happy birthday there. Straight up. Thank you for saying the truth. You came to that. I show up and I go, is there a sign-up list for this party? You have to pay $3? You got to buy a drink? You got to buy a drink.

Do I go bark on Fifth Avenue for this fucking birthday party? First of all, that party, we were all unsuccessful. Had to fucking look for a dumb balloon that was this high. It looks like the meet-up in Serpico. I go, you're not taking money? Am I crazy? Did everyone, did comedy, like, the C-E-S-E? feeling get higher, like everyone's just a lot more successful.

Because I feel like the young comics, they're not like where we were fucking still really good back then. You know what I'm saying? Like, I feel like the young comics that are doing a party in the park. That's why you don't think they're good. I think they're all getting a comedy shop. Yeah. That's funny. The comedy shop is like, I'm going to take it all the bottle.

Comedy shop is just taking women. He goes, it's not even a comedy club. It's just a r-in. I think you get more successful quicker now. Yeah, because of clips. Clips, yeah. And they know how to run a business. Clip farming.

Clip farming right now. What's up, Lewis? What are you going to say? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, thanks. Boom. All right. So, Rebecca calls you. So she calls. I missed the call. Yeah, I didn't pick up the call. Yeah. Well, now, I was live on the air. You saw it. He just didn't pick it up. I saw it, but I was in front of a microphone. I'm not like you. I don't just answer my phone on a podcast. You guys are my friends. If it's my friend, I pick up. That's why. I'm loyal. Lewis, should I have picked up while I was doing play-by-play of the fights.

He's right. He's right. Louis, Lewis, for the funny part, to be funny. No, I refuse. Should he have picked him? I refuse to be funny. He's been to be funny. He's been refusing to be funny for years. So what she was calling about, I don't know how to tell, what I wanted to tell the story yet, but I'll just tell you that.

She was calling to say, hey, nobody on earth knows this, except for me and Tim Dillon. Tim Dillon is going to show up. You got to make sure you're there. Jumping out of a cake. So I didn't. That'd be a big cake. That was funny. Joe's like, yo.

It's a cake. I love it. I love Tim and cake. Tim can't jump out of a cake. He would have ate it. So she's calling to tell me in on the secret that Tim Dillon is coming. I don't answer. So then she goes, well, I'll just tell his producer.

So then my producers get together, date aside, I should be part of the surprise. I should also be surprised. Which is hilarious because I don't give a shit about Tim Dillon. You just don't give him. Just dying. Joe goes, Tim Dillon, great. where is the cake? Like, if I saw...

No one brought up cake, Joe. Tim Dillon's showing up to me is like, oh wow, Tim's here. Neat, but they're like, this will be part of the movie. Lewis and Joe will react. So then they never said, go to the reading. They were like, hey, might want to go follow Lewis

around, and I was like, follow Lewis. What? I don't know what this is. Joe thinks he's not, is it cake? He's stabbing me. Lewis is cake? Lewis is cake. All right, I guess I'll follow Lewis. So I was like, what? I love that show.

It's a good show. Fun show. It's a great show. Well, you guys know this too. I mean, Dan, you're like me, I'm sure. Like, if someone's like, hey, Dan, don't go over there, you're like this. What are you talking about? I don't like a, hey, heads up.

You're like, say what's going on. I don't understand what this is. Yeah, like you, I'm dumb and I don't pick up on it. I go, why would I go over? That's a weird way to call him dumb. Yeah, I'm not dumb. I'm not dumb. Why would you call him?

idiot and I'm dumb. I'm not dumb. I don't want to be like, trick. I eat my shit like this idiot. So I'm like, what are you talking about? So everyone's like,

oh yeah, just watch out. Something's happening. And I'm like, what the fuck? I don't get it. I don't get what's going on here. Also,

I'm the, I'm the fucking director. There it is. There it is. It wasn't cake. No. This was never an okay. I'm the boss.

Just like those pedophiles in the Epstein. He's a cake boss. He was using cake as a thing for children. So here's what happened. That's you a jerky. Also, Tim,

Tim was booked on the festival, canceled, but it was never really canceled. It wasn't a surprise. So most, he was on the line for the whole time.

He goes, I can't make it. Oh, I can't I? Sorry, Louis, I'm not there. This is what I'm talking about.

I hate fucking, like, DeRosa did this at Norman's Bachelor Party, too, which again, he called me, everyone trusts me,

you know, he calls me, he's like, you're the only one that can know, I'm going to surprise everybody. I'm like, what kind of ego is this?

Just come to the party. De Rosa. Also, how are you? This is De Rosa showing up a party. Oh, okay. Cool. All right. So, I guess it's coke here.

Also, Norman, you can't gauge if he's actually surprised. He's goes, how? He's not looking in your eye. I don't even think Joe and Mark are friends. I've never even seen them together. I could have just showed up to the party. By the way, that was one of the things that started tension between Bert and I was because I was like, we better go back to the house.

You never know. And Bert was like, what are you talking about? I don't like surprise. I don't like this. Well, we'll have to find out. And he's like, what the fuck's going on? You're up to something. Bert gets serious and he puts his shirt off?

Yeah, no, you don't want to. Better fucking tell me right now. De Rosa ruined my whole relationship with Bert by being all aloof. And then Ari had no phone at the time because he was doing his phone kick. And then he kept using my phone. I hate that. That stinks. I'm going to make it inconvenient for everyone to be friends with me.

And then he just uses your phone. You write me a letter. You got to write me a letter if you want me to come over. I need smoke signals. I need smoke signals and write me a letter. Why? No, it's more like this. I don't have a phone. Let me use your phone. I need Google Maps. I'm like, well, you're a fucking asshole then.

So then DeRose, anyways, doesn't matter. I'm off on another story. But the Rosa did a big, I'm going to surprise everyone. I love that we surprise. Everybody we know. Oh, yeah. DeRosa's showing up as a surprise and no one popping is so funny in my head of him being like, look who's here. And everyone's like, hi, Joe. Everyone just hammered. We have strippers.

We're like, oh, okay. Hey, Joe. Anyways, so then I just stood around. outside, like talking to fans, not knowing that the greatest, so then I went over to your show finding the book reading. He was like, Wong, and, whi-wong. I laughed, but I wanted that to bomb. I wanted that to ball.

I was going to be a giggle. I did giggle. And half of my giggle, I was like, I already committed. Lewis is behind on points. It's the 10th round. Lewis is behind on points. He's got to have to have action. He's got to have to engage.

You just got to go for it. You're pointing in the middle of the ring. Throwing uppercuts. He's going in the middle. That was pretty good. Talking to fans. So anyways, so I just sat outside being like, why am I people being so weird? What the fuck's going on? And then I walked over your show and Tim was already there.

And they're like, you better go down to the show. And I'm like, I'm at the show. What's going on? Meanwhile, ever since then, every interview, everything is like, you're like, it was the greatest moment in podcast history. You're like it was the highlight of any skank best. I missed the whole thing because I ignored Rebecca. And then my asshole subordinates didn't tell me. wasn't there? No, I came later. But I wasn't there for most of the thing. Not when we were all at the

table and Tim came out in the huge pop. That's what they wanted. But Tim, Tim's surprise wasn't the moment of the festival. The book reading was the moment of the festival. Tim being there was great. He added to that, but it wasn't like, you didn't have to catch the pop for Tim. It was Bobby realizing he was going to have to read his forward in front of all of us. Probably the worst feeling I've ever felt in comedy. When you first asked me, I was like, oh, this is nice. And then when I read the first line and I Oh, God. Beecher said the Ford

was beautiful. Thank you. And she's beautiful. It's beautiful. It's the tone you read it in the group you read it from. But also having me and Jay

on either side of you and you started and we went, oh. Oh, God. Well, I would have loved to have been there but I got screwed. Well, you weren't. And it still was awesome.

Yeah. Well, I mean, probably I should have just been invited originally anyways. Do the reading of the book? Yeah, the regs were all there except me, so. It's fine.

Oh, that is a good point. By the way, that is a good point. I'm probably the best reader of all of us. You look like it. Yeah. Want to have a reading contest? Let's have a reading contest. I'm saying you're a fucking four-eyed dork,

and you look like you read real well. Yeah. You also have a tiny mouth, so the words come out very fast. You're not getting any cake. Come on, you. There is no cake. There's never been any cake. Paco, didn't you say cake?

Paco, can you go get Joe a cake? Nobody's saying happy birthday at him since he was seven. I already ordered it. Did you? Yeah, it was a surprise. It was going to come and you fucking ruined it. Like, Rebecca. Anyways, thank you, Rebecca for calling me.

You fucking dumb bitch. But anyways. You can fuck Rebecca? Yeah. At Skank Fest? Yeah. Nice. That's going to be a booth.

A titty fucking booth? Oh, well, okay. Here we are. The only footage of watches from Skank Feast. And then Harrington. That should be the dinner before. Skank Fest. Skank Feast.

That's what it is. That's what we're talking about. It's called Skank Feast. I didn't know that. But I can pretend like I did. No. It's for the producers. I love you, Dan.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. And you learned at the same time. Lewis looked at me like, you fuck.

You know why we don't know what it is? Because we're not invited. Well, because you're not part of the staff. I think we were. And he comes for one hour every year. I come in. He pops in fucking. I come and fuck it.

Good festival. See you guys there. You go to Skank Feast He's coming two days this year, right? Friday and Saturday. Ooh, doggie. Skank Feast, everyone was banged up and then, oh, and then Harrington and Lewis just

bust into, it's like the nicest restaurant in New Orleans. It was a $9,000 dinner. They start fist fighting in the middle of the fucking thing. And I have a great shot of all the matriads and stuff like this. That's great. Not for real. They were smacking each other in the face. Get a little slapboxed.

Yeah. In the restaurant. It's the worst part about going to Lewis's house. At one point, he's going to start. fighting you in his kitchen. Yeah, dude, you're going to have a moment where you're like pouring cream in your coffee, and you're just here, and it's just coming this close to your face.

And you're like, that's my best part of writing with Dan, writing a cartoon was me shadowboxing right in front of it. And I'm typing like this. What fuck is this? What are you guys doing? Guys, you want to pull the most distracting, a free speed reading test. You already lost.

Oh, oh. Reading speed test. So funny. Well, it should be speed reading test, not a free reading speed test. Free reading speed test. Test your reading speed and comprehension. Boom. Select theme.

Textusetta. Ha, ha, ha ha ha. Textsity level. Quickly determine your speeding read and you're fucking. Quickly to determine your reading speed and comprehension using the themed and leveled reading comprehension test. Your ability to read at higher speeds with good comprehension can dramatically affect your ability to succeed in school and in your career. Boom! Move the screen.

Virgin test. It was a virgin test the whole time. Thank you. Yeah, dude. You think I'm a virgin, bro? You can snack all day and still feel hungry. I know that more than anybody on this show. Get a snack with substance.

Masa chips. Masa chips are made with real ingredients. You feel fuller, longer, and won't keep snacking all day. Masa chips tastes amazing with only three ingredients. Corn. Bingo. Sea salt. Bang.

And 100%. grass-fed beef tallow. Love it. That's it. Masa chips come in six flavors like Cabanero, lime, and chiro. Dude, I love these chips. I know a guy who was like, do you want my chips? I don't eat chips.

I was like, give them all to me. They sent us three boxes, which is a little insane. But I had people over. None of you guys were invited. And everybody loved it. We had green salsa, red salsa. How come we're never invited? Everybody loved it.

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That's Quince. Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash regs with a Z for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash regs. With a Z. I had sex last night. It was fucking awesome. I haven't had sex in fucking, I don't even know how long. Shut up.

My girl doesn't live here She's not old enough to have sex She's old enough In certain states I don't even know what to do with sex Like what do I You put the dick in this I got a belly button

I have to wake her up right Your pee pee Your pee goes in her pee I have to nudge her Have her snoring stop Oh dude I hate a bitch that snores Oh I love a bitch that snores

Oh I hate it I actually I farted last night And stopped her snoring I was pretty proud of that Really she went It was a little You know

And it went, that sounds like a really sexy bedroom. God damn. My bedroom is the sexiest. Jesus Christ, dude. Fucking dinosaurs. Then I found out I shit the bed. So I just rolled around. Yeah, we started vomiting on each other.

No, we made love last night. I hadn't been, I'd been away for five days. It was awesome. Really? Great. How long did you last? That lasts forever. He lost a long time.

I'm quick. I'm quick. I like to be in the seven-minute range. Wait a minute, that was a good one. You're not quick-witted. I already heard it. You can't do it again. No, you pointed it out so they can hear.

All right. I'm very quick. My girl knows what to do. She grabs me. She's like, put a baby in me. I'm like, blah. Yeah, really? It does.

It is hot. Give me that goo. Give me that cum has made me. I like one of my God. I mean, she fucked a girl in AC one time, and she went, you give me that cum, and I went, well, now. Well, God damn it. Now I am.

I was planning on it for a while. But you ask you before you receive. I used to make a girl that I just met tell me she loves me. That's insane. I used to make, tell me you love me you love me. That's insane. And then they go, it just met her. I love you.

Oh, my God. It's really, that's why you didn't call your father. You need to call your father, brother. He goes, just say you'll have a catch with me. Do you want to go outside for a catch? And now, tell me you, forgive me. And now I'm you forgive me, dude. Say, good throw, pal.

I'm always like, present me with a cake. Oh, can I come in a cake? You want me to come in a cake? Grim filled. Now Don't says she loves me and it makes my dick shrivel up. I wish you didn't. Yeah.

What's the weirdest thing that makes you jizz, Dan? Yeah. God damn it. Your mic wasn't going to. Never mind. Yeah. I still did it.

I do it. I'll do it. Let me do it again. Dan, what's the weirdest thing that makes you come, Dan? Oh, I was going to answer.

Fuck, my microphone is unplugged. I don't know how any of this works. Can I tell you yesterday I was on a flight, I got upgraded to Delta one. Shout out, dude, that shit's awesome.

It's nice. They brought out warm chocolate chip cookies and it was a Latino homosexual man, purple suit, dark-skinned,

very attractive. Little vest. Pretty tight. Toyet. And he brought up chocolate chip cookie and I said, hey,

you know what to do with the, if you have any extras. And then he did like a look around, like a kind of like a slide. And he gave me a

dick. He gave me a second one and he winked and he was like really close. Like Beverly Hills cop? He goes, take those bananas. Take those cookies.

He goes, Me me in the bathroom. Joe goes, you got a fucking cake in the bathroom? You got fucking cake in the Delta. Joe's waiting there. Delta 1 has everything. He's got a napkin in his shirt.

Just close your eyes and meet me in the bathroom. He goes, oh, fuck. Sarah, they got cake. But it was kind of hot to have like a connection with a man and he was right in there. It was kind of sexy. A gay man. I think if you go long enough,

because sex just becomes. routine. That's prison. You're explaining why men fuck each other in prison. Is Jay coming? Are you coming out of the closet, Joe? No, I'm not coming out yet, but I'm peaking out. Number one, he said he had that close encounter on the airplane. Then he also said he had sex for the first time in a while yesterday.

He didn't say they were separate occasions. My wife. Okay. Yeah, wife. I told you the other time I was attracted to a man. You guys know this story? Keeper Sutherland? Never tell you that? No. You were attracted to? Jack Bauer? 24? I mean, who wasn't? Or, no, and fucking lost boys.

Yeah, that's what he was cool. Young Kiefer. It was way back, I mean, this is old, ugly Kiefer. Give me a young, hot Kiefer. There he is right there. He aged wonderfully. You can see him right down. You know what?

You could just click on the picture of him a young, you fucking. There he is. Oh, look at that. It's, there he is right there. Yeah. That shitty barbed wire tattoo? Well, I was at a bar. Lost Boys, it looks cool as fuck.

What was that L.A. Comedy Festival? I think it still goes on. Ryan. Look at smoking the cigarette. I'm in the top corner. Well, so that's what he was doing. So we went to a dive bar downtown L.A.

It was the night of, I think, the Emmys or something like that. And he must have left early because it was like still going on. I was like 8 o'clock at night. I remember this story. Yeah, and he was playing pool. He was shooting pool. This is when I was still drinking. I was drunk.

He was shooting pool and he had a tucks, but he had the jacket off. And he had suspenders, and he was smoking a cigarette. And you couldn't even smoke at that point, but he was just doing it. And he was playing pool. And he was like running the table. And his pants were all fitted and tight. And he was like calling his shot. And I was legitimately like, I'm attracted to this man.

I don't know. I think in my head, I would like, I would want to be him, but I don't think I'd be like, I wanted to be in him. Yeah. I wouldn't want to be in him. I wouldn't want to fuck him. I think I'd just want to. Yeah, be like, oh, I would wish I looked like that.

Yeah. Be my friend. Tell me I'm good. As a man. Just tell me I'm a good. Hang out with me. Don't touch me. Can you tell me I'm a good boy?

Keep your penis in your pants? All of a sudden, Bobby's straight. After 30 years of I want to suck dick, I'd fuck that guy. All of a sudden you missed a tightwad. It's not that I... You want to fuck. Lou Diamond Phillips, probably. No, no.

I mean, you've seen Young Guns? Who doesn't? Charlie Sheen? Oh, good topic. Which one of the Young Guns? Would you fuck? Amelia Leslie Sheeper. Can I get a Kleenex?

Christian Slater. Did you come? He's not in Young Guns, too. There he is. He's in Young Guns, too. He really is. He's great. The Bon Jovi song.

I love that. That's my favorite Bon Jovi album. Yeah. I remember seeing that in camp. Whatever year, they came out. I saw it in the movie theater. and like day camp and the girl was naked

on the horse and I remember just my dick being like bang I mean Lou's good Wow something's waking up in me

something is waking up in me So you see what I mean about Keith No it's a girl on a horse Oh yeah That's the difference Got oh thanks

You know what You know who gave me a boner like that The lady with the giant tits and Ace Ventura at the beginning Oh yeah I never got that joke Was sucking them off Yeah he's like all whack

Under siege She comes out Oh the cake The cake She was fucking smoked Or Krista Allen in Lyer, Liar, Liar in the elevator. She was Billy on days of our lives. She was doing where he went when he's talking about her tits.

Dude, she was crazy as hot as, dude, young Krista Allen. Kirstie Alley. Shut. Look who's talking. No, seriously. Pull up, look who's talking. I'd rather fucking Ellie Kett. No.

Christy Allie's hot in that. She does a dance. She has no neck. Pull up the Kirstie Allie dance scene. He had pretty eyes, but light, light eyes, dark hair, crazy bitch. Just one of the guys. Those are the tuxedo. Just one of the guys.

Bobby, any one of the guys. She has to prove that she's not a guy and she pulls up that tuck shirt and her fucking giant tithe. Is it just one of the guys the guys? Yeah. Just one of the guys. But what's her name? The actress?

I don't know. Tits. Yeah. No, this is look who's talking to you, jackass. This is children dancing. Oh, the dogs? No, let's look who's talking now. Yeah.

Roseanne plays the girl baby and look who's talking too. I didn't mean to call you a jackass. I'm sorry. I heard that they're sensitive about us yelling at. What's that vampire movie with the chick for? Who's the boss? That's another good one. Wait a minute. Hold on. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I was told the producers are taking it personal and upset when we shout at them. What happened?

That's what I heard. Who said the producer? Oh, this is the scene. Hold on, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't play. Don't play that back. We're having a great time. She looks like she works at the DMV. And now you got to fuck with Lewis's fucking.

Why are they bitching about us yelling? Nobody is bitching. They didn't bitch. They said their feelings were hurt. Who said it? Who said it? I don't want to say. Which one?

I don't know. Who they say it was anonymous. There was an anonymous. You know, we should, this is actually great. Anonymous suggestions from the crew. I do like, I like a suggestion box. And we don't know who put the- And we read it once.

We want to know, get your own fucking coffee queer. Jesus Christ, you guys walk here. What do you don't walk by? That was covered in spit from Danny. Me no like you. in coffee. I think that's Danny. No, it's just what I heard.

What did you hear it? Stop. Nobody heard it. No, let Lewis investigate. Yeah, you know. Let the snake go. Ask the producers. They're right there.

Producers. Are you guys being pussy's about being yelled at? I love being Yoda. Did you say Yoda? It's Danny. It goes, good job, Danny. It goes, please don't y'all, me. I love being Yoda.

Producers podcast, they will. Angry, Lewis. You know how scared they are right now that Lewis might fucking attack him? No, you're the attacker. What? What? You're the attacker. Excuse me.

What are you talking about? You're a mean, old grumpy asshole. No, you're the attacker. You attack everyone. We both attack. We're attackers. Dan attacked last week. I'm the only list never attacked.

By the way, where is my brownie and I asked for a grun day? You're attacking right now. I came in hot. I did give Danny a double dose that was meant half for Paco. But is that maybe that's why they were. felt it more because it never comes from Dan's when Dan was on the attack last week they were like what the fuck I think there was a tinge of anti-semitism frankly I mean Paco was responsible and you get shout at Danny and then Paco comes and you're like oh come oh Paco son oh paco who did that

you excuse me yeah first off I would speak Tagalog his national language to him how does that go probably thought you said tagalongs he's like I love cookies you guys did girl scouts are here wear that thin mince tagalongs uh you're lucky you saved them on that, you piece of shit. He didn't really save me. We both bombed on it. All right, let's see Kirstie Allie dances.

Let's see this bitch. She's never been hot. She's not hot. Never been hot. Watch. Never been hot. Watch this. She died recently, right?

She died. She died. She died of being a birthday. Whoa. Whoa. That's with Giz. There's gist on it. Oh, that's what I want.

Happy birthday, dear Joe. Since you were seven years old. Thank you. Happy birthday. You have candles? You fucking idiot. Thank you. That looks delightful.

Now he's got nothing to blow. They just ran out and got a cake and says Joe. And he said, you don't have fucking candles? He's the attacker. You know the attacker. And I come in here because I care about the show. All right. Guys, be honest.

I care about the quality. Who attacks more, me or Bobby? Um, Bip, Bap, boo. On this show. On this show. On this show, who attacks me?

No, no. Who has attacked you more in life? and more viciously. No, no, no, no. This is a good. Stop talking over it. Yeah. Be honest.

Don't admit it. Will you, will you help them? I work with them more. Okay. Just this show. It doesn't matter. We're talking about this show. Okay.

We're talking about this show. I'll allow it. Okay, thank you, dude. Lewis, you fit more attacks into a shorter period of time. Okay, but who attacks you more? Be honest, guys. You won't be attacked. Be honest.

Yeah. Lewis does. Bingo. You fucking. That was Paco, too. You fucking fake. You fucking make me. Who was that?

Was it? Was it? Paco. That was Joe. That was Joe and then Paco. Paco, you say, well, I attack you more than Bobby. Paco, I never attack you, Paco. I got your fucking back. I got Paco's fucking Paco. Paco's attacking Lewis. I don't like that.

Oh, my God. Paco, when Paco attacked Paco, when he lied last year and said that I made him sleep outside in the woods. I was great. I was like, dude, are you out of your fucking mind? That was great. Danny, you should take a note from that and start saying that about Bobby. That was insane. And now, Paco, you are sleeping outside in Cabo this year.

I let all my people sleep inside. Even Mush, I let him sleep inside. And you know that more than anybody. Even though it takes away from other people sleeping inside. Worst sleep apnea in the business. Sweet Christ, it was the only time someone was snoring and I yelled at him. I went, come on, man. Are you fucking serious? I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Why are you guys all sleeping in a room? It was when we went camping in 2019. We did comedy camp. Dude, I didn't sleep. I did not sleep. All right. So I just booked a gig in, I'll think, comedy at him. I did a New Year's, right?

Oh, dude. Did you stay in the... I got such a... Listen, yeah. Did you stay in the Airbnb? No, I stayed in the hotel. Right. So they booked...

Tom, my tour manager, books me and Zach on this New Year's Eve gig, and the club gives us an Airbnb to share. Is this in Indiana? Columbus, Ohio. Columbus, Ohio. So...

Great club. So I... And I've slept in her. I used to... I've had Zach... I shared a room with Zach exactly one time. Because it sounds like...

It sounds like fucking a nuclear Holocaust is happening It's fucking nuts You're like the carcule with the Cairings coming in and then going back off Yeah You're the sirens like the bombs are dropping Oh fuck

Oh fuck I thought six tornadoes Last night I called up Tom and I was like Tom We're you're sharing in everybody I was like I didn't even get mad I was like dude in very calm way I was like I'm gonna punch you in your face When I see you

I'm gonna fucking punch you directly in the mouth Tom's on his computer he goes great okay It's not gonna be one or two punches Oh we're going face your gut I was like how dare you try to give me to share a room. I wouldn't even be on the same floor as Zach. At Skagfest,

they tried to put Zach in the room next door to me, and I was like, change Zach's fucking room. I swear to God. Like that? I swear to God, you can't be on the same floor as them. Wow. Yeah, Zach. At your biggest, you weren't saw logs.

Yeah. Fuck yeah. Not that bad, though. Dude, I told you, I woke up on a plane doing this. Hmm. And I looked at the girl next to me, and she was just staring at me. I must have been doing it for 45 minutes.

I was three stooges. If you snore, you can't sleep on a plane. You're not allowed to sleep on a plane. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. You got to stay awake. You can't inconvenience people with your body. I started getting hostage tape and put it on my mouth to fly.

No way. I put tape on my mouth. When you lost the weight and you started sleeping normal, what was, do you remember like the first night that you didn't snore? Yeah, I had fucking dreams. Yeah, that's crazy. Dreaming is fucking nuts. When I quit weed for the first night?

five months and I started having like very real dreams. I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah. The non-weed dreams are fucking intense, dude. Intense. Intent. You quit and you go like, oh, fucking no. I was at the attic.

The attic, it's literally up the top floor of this building. It's a great club. Cool little club. Downstairs, they have this amazing restaurant that is part of it. But it's a vertical stairs straight to fucking this top of this building. It's a normal stairs. No, bring it out. Guys, I shit you not.

They couldn't, There's nothing remarkable. Bring up the attic stairs. We're watching curse the alley. Dan, Dan, Dan. Neger of fun. Whoa. What did you say?

What the fuck? At least you're an A. Jesus Christ, dude. What did you actually say? The Neger of fun. Oh. The stairs, bring up the attic stairs. They literally were staled up.

Neger of fun. You go, fuck, Bobby. She was. The first of them, they're not going to have a picture of the stairs. What do you think? Bring up the stairs. Wait, we're watching. There they are. There they are.

Straight up these fucking stairs. It's just stairs. They just look right. It looks like the home alone stairs. So they go. They go way up. So everybody goes upstairs and gets fucked up. And then they got to come down.

Zach can make them gone up these stairs. They're fine. Yeah, it took them four hours. Four hours. Wow. Oh, what? Oh, move. Oh, up.

All right. We were a little Princeton basketball. there. So I'm doing my show. They had a limo, a limo pulled up to the front, which always sucks when you see that. A limo and seven people get out for Valentine's Day. Second show, Saturday night, last show. They get up, they sit them in the back. They're fucking a problem out of the gate. Yeah.

With the emcee. Well, they were really tired from those stairs. And then, uh, I... They were talking about the stairs. They were like... Probably just, what are you guys doing back there? They're talking about it. Trying to catch your breath. My quads are shot. Dude, did you remember being, oh, this is a side for your story? And aside of a side of the side of the top of the top of the top of the top.

Because we've been, they've never been fat. But have you ever lived in a walk-up? You have, when you bring a girl home in a walk-up, you have to fake not be tired when you get to the stuff. When we were looking to buy an apartment, my first apartment, we found an amazing apartment. Under our price range, five-floor walk-up, I didn't get it. No. We got up to the top. I go, we're not getting this apartment.

It's crazy. It's not happening. Because you go down the stairs, you go, that's not that bad. It's fun. Oh, boy. So I'm in my 20 minutes in. All of a sudden, I just hear, flip, tip, tip, to her.

Somebody fell down the stairs. Oh, Jesus. I go, who was that? He goes, it was a lady leaving. She said you were a racist. She was so funny. We did call her a nigger. I go, was she white?

She goes, yeah, some white lady called me a racist. That's great. Oh, wow. So I was talking about Mexican people. By the way, shout out. My buddy Matt in Columbus was at that show. And he was at Bobby's show tonight,

and a lady fell down to the stairs on the morgan. I'm racist. There's nothing than hearing somebody fall downstairs, but then hear, ah. Ow. The noise at the end. My back. Oh, fuck, it made me so happy. It's Kirstie Alley. Come on, she's not pretty. Just play it for 10 seconds, 30 seconds. Then pull up

Krista Allen. Why hasn't this fucking... Way better than Christy Alley. Similar name. You tell me this isn't hot? He's wearing all black to cover her fucking dumb body. No, she strips a little. When I was a boy... Even the kid thinks it's stupid. Now, that is hot, right? there. Travolta.

Travolta was fucking handsome. Smoking. Look at this, when I was a boy. Her chin connects to her neck. Why is she doing a strip tease for her fucking babies? Yeah. It's actually weird. This kid can't come unless his...

Bruce Willis. This isn't hot. They always got to put a dance move in for Trifolda's movies. When I was a kid that was hot, but I guess it's not so hot now. What is the baby? He's a babysitter. Is that what it is? Yeah.

a taxi driving baby's She's getting close with her She's not pretty, dude I mean she's as good as she ever Look but she's not We're naming hot bitches She looks like Jessica Kirshin Wow

Well, I'm a man that can admit Look at that Look at that Yeah Oh look at that You remembered that But as a boy It was very hot

Everything was hot Give me Kelly Kapowski No no no Let Kelly Kapowski I mean Be careful what age you pull her What are we talking about? That could be illegal.

Krista Allen, dude. Krista Allen. Who is she? She's a girl from liar-lider in the elevator. Oh, my God. Dude, young Krista Allen on fucking, um, on,

on, uh, Days of our lives. Oh, my. These are the days of our lives. It looks like Whitney Cummings. That's what I said.

You had your fucking mind. She looks like Whitney Cummings. 100% right there. Look at that one, the second one down. I wish she. Exactly. I'm not saying Whitney Cummings is a pretty girl,

but look at her. Look at her. Look at it as Billy. Bill, it's a hot name for a girl, too, Billy. She's not hot. Oh, I like the name. Are you any of your fucking, she's not hot? She's not hot.

Bobby, that's crazy. She's so hot. She's out of this world hot. She's not hot. Could you just pull up anything that's like, just pull up something? You want to hear one of the hottest names for a woman, Jim? I love it, Jimmy. If I had a daughter, I was going to name her James.

It was, James was being, if was a boy or a girl, it was going to be James. That's great. Jimbo the Bimbo. That's funny. You got it back. What do we do? All right, turn the TV off. You guys.

They're bad. You guys all fucking suck dicks. Guys. And I hope your feelings are hurt. Guys. Where's my brownie? Why did I get a vent? They have no idea how good they have it.

We would make Kelly cry every week on the show. Dude, the phone calls we would get from Bobby, like three hours after the show where he's like, thank you guys. You guys. You guys got to be a little mean to her. Not you guys. Yeah, you call. I'm biting your face. You go.

Dan was very nice to her. Yeah. then fucking slit it in. Stop it. You and Lewis. Joe was not as mean as you two. Did you see Gabby Brian just sold out two shows at the Grammarcy? I just talked about this on Real-A-Last podcast.

We couldn't sell out one show at the Gramercy. Gabby Brian sold out two shows. What does she do? She just hot and tells jokes. How did she blow up? Tits? Yeah, she got tits. Yeah, she got fakes.

Joe, you know what you need to do. Get some big old tits, Joe. She does. Like Crown was underwear going to be worth money someday. Gabby's hot. But did she do a pod? I would like Gabby shit directly in my mouth. I would go to the, I'd pay for a Gramarcy ticket for that.

Yeah. Wouldn't you rather make love than it gets shit in your mouth? Just shit directly in my mouth. Call it cake, Joe. You wouldn't even have to, she couldn't even have to touch you. She could just drop it in your mouth. Oh my God. I would let her spray liquid shit in my mouth.

Dude, can we get her diarrhea up? Oh, my God, dude. I'll trade her pain these for some liquid shit. Instead of a dunk tank, have if someone fucking hits the right thing Gabby's shit's on loose. I went to Norton's apartment once

and I went to the bathroom there was trash bags on the floor. What? He's gonna have a date later. Oh. I miss old Norton. What is you, Patrick Bateman? That's fucking wild

in his apartment with trash bags. I would let Gabby hawk alugie directly in my mouth and punch me in the nose and then I could just jizz right there. We were on story wars. Why are we not doing this? Story Wars the other night

was fucking wild. When's that coming out? Like two weeks, three weeks. Why did Gabby sell out two shows? She doesn't... Instagram followers aren't crazy? She goes viral all the time. She has a fan base.

She's also about... She's actually funny. All bullshit aside, she's actually pretty nice. Well, many people are funny, but they don't sell out two shows of the grammars. Funny hot chicks do. That's it. If you're funny and you're hot and you know, clap your hands. If you're funny and you know, clap your hands.

Bobby and Dan think they're hot. We're just playing along with the bit. What are you just trying to help... Are you talking shit? Yeah, why you're dressed like you're on the run from the feds. That sucked. What the fuck? That sucks.

Why would you wear bright colors? When Dan tries to get heady with words, it all falls apart. I missed. Make a sound. Surprising. You should be able to get heady. No, he's the impression guy. I'm the sound guy.

He's a sound board. I think Gabby got a people. That's all it is. She got her fan base. I wish I had a people. I look at Gabby. Yeah. You have a fan base.

We all have a fan base. Yeah, mine are all dying and old. They all have fucking. cancer. My friend is dying off. Hey, were you diagnosed? Come be a Lewis fan. Our fans show up physically different every time they come.

Last time I saw you, I had to have my hip worked off. The amount of people that show up in wheelchairs of skank fest is hilarious. These are tight. Can we get another coffee? And a brownie, a chocolate brownie? You got a whole fucking cake. You got a cake.

You got a cake. You've never happy. That was a bit cake. Yeah, no, that's not a bit cake. That's the brownie cake. cookie for you. No. I'm not paying for

any more of Joe's snacks. This is crazy. We don't, none, no, no, no, yon, yon,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, non, no, that's all you guys have to do

whenever he yells at you. That's because I can handle it. You have to stop eating for three days every time you have a snack. I'm cryogenically freezing myself for six weeks, so I'm not a fat fuck.

Paco? I would love, I would love cookies if it's not too much trouble. This cake is a very nice gesture, but it's dog shit. It's a dog shit cake. No,

I'm only joking. I'm only joking. Just about the cake. Just a regular coffee, a little bit of cream, two pumps of sugar-free caramel. Regular coffee, a little bit of cream. Let's do plugs. I like that you're acting like it's nothing.

What? But two pumps of sugar-free caramel. Who's first? They just came out with sugar-free caramel. Starbucks. They got sugar-free protein, too, that you put in your latte. I don't like protein latte.

It's good. I put my body-brain coffee into my protein shake, which is the best way to drink it. You got the plugs, Danny? Paco will pull him up. Dan has plugs. Dan, what do you got? I got a fucking, I got full

hair surgery. I didn't get plugs. Sorry. I don't really know. What? Can we get Shannon Tits? We got it. Here we go, Dan. Go ahead.

Hey, everybody. February 28th, I'm going to be in Buffalo, New York. And then March 6th, Boston. At the Schubert, we added to 9 o'clock. Philadelphia. You sold out to Schubert already. Yeah.

And you got it in a second show. Whoa. And then. Oh, Gabby Brian over here. That's crazy. Wow! I got huge tits. Philadelphia, March 7th. I was Kelly.

Oh, Kelly! Dallas. Kelly was selling out shows. I'd kill myself. Dallas, Houston, in Oklahoma, February, March, 19th, 20th, 21st, Dan Soder.com for tickets. Listen to Soter the podcast and

at Dan Soter on YouTube. I love you guys. Who's next? Joe. Hey, Bada, badda, bad, batta, so wing, badda. Virginia Beach, March of February. 27th and 28th, and San Antonio March 6th, 5th through the 7th,

and I don't know. Oh, I got a big European thing coming up. London, which is almost sold out, which makes, touches my heart. Dublin, Glasgow, Bristol, England, and what's the other one? Belfast, Belfast, Dublin, Glasgow, London. I've never been to the UK.

Why? I've been all over Europe. We should do fucking the regs in the UK, or UK run. We would fucking murder it. My London show is like I sold 400 tickets in the first day. They're hungry for us up there. Never been.

Lester Square. That's the way to do it. I did Soho Theater and I should have done Lester Square. I love the Soho Theater also. But Lester Square is the way to go. I've never done that one. All right. I do too.

I would imagine. It's like five months away. All right. Who's next? Oh, Joe wasn't. Are you done? Yeah, I'm done. Punchup.

Punchup, baby. And the best thing you can do for all of us is sign up for our email list so we can email you and say, come to your town. Just go to Punch Up and they ask for the email. that's all you got to do. And then you'll be on the list. And when we come into town, you'll know immediately. It is true.

It's great. It's a great. At the comedy vault, one of my favorite clubs. Bobby's trying to get everyone's data. Go ahead. I have nothing to do it. I just want my, I want you a data for me. You don't own a piece to punch up? No.

None of us do. Batavia, Illinois, Comedy Vault, the 27th and 28th. Then I'm going to be at the roadhouse in Unscalville, Uncassville, Uncassville, Connecticut on the 17th and 18th. Paco's going to be with me. And Cody's going to be with me. Fitsing. And then hilarities. I love that club. Cleveland, the 15th and the 16th. And then I'm going to be out at Levitown at the Governor's on the 20th. I love that club. The 19th and the 20th. Thank you, Danny, for the little scroll over the 19th.

Mothership for Fourth of July. Yeah, I'm going to go out there with the fam. We're going to do a little Texas, a little vacation. I did that specific weekend with the family once. It was so much fun, dude. Yeah, we're going to do that. I just got to keep them off sixth after 10. Also, buy your tickets early at Mothership because it sells out no matter what. And you You want your fans? You want your fans? I want my fans. I waited too late. And it felt like Big Jay said it once.

He was like it was 30% my fan. Yeah. You feel weird. Still good fans. Still shows are great. I mean, they have Navy SEALs making sure nobody fucking says anything.

So go ahead. Lewis, what do you got? Come see me live on the road. Is my website not working on this thing, guys? Just check it up. Check it again because it's working on my phone. I just emailed my guy.

Lewis J. Gomez. Buy tickets, buy tickets, buy tickets, buy tickets. That's weird. Get on the list. Buy tickets, buy tickets, buy tickets, buy tickets, by tickets. Maybe try a different browser. Either way, I got it right here.

Come see me. This is coming out Monday, right? No, next. Next Monday, yeah. Yeah, come see me in Amas, Pennsylvania on the 26th of February, Pittsburgh on the 27th. Oh, that works. Look at that. There you go.

There you go. There you go. Right after that, I'm Tacoma, Washington, Spoken, Washington, Toronto coming up as well. Lots of other dates. Go to Lewisofscanks.com. Grab all those tickets for all those shows. The eocratum.com. presents

rattled me this tour coming to a city near you and check out all the other pods that I do Legion of Skanks Story Wars Story Wars, Wheel ass podcast

you and fucking Rochafort you guys I love podcast together I love that You're dynamic with Rochafort is Nick is so funny God damn nearly unmatched I think can I say something about

Are we back? Are we back? No, I'm in the middle of my plugs Oh Go ahead, hurry up Hurry up! I just started you fucking You fucking go off on these side things

There's no side things I was coming up with my friend Take that back Don't call me a Don't call me a fucking fatty. Don't call me a fatty because you're fat too. I'm a little chubby. I'm going to Turks and Caicos tomorrow.

Katoos. Come on, where is it? Well, you vacation a lot. Shut up. Thanks to the regs and body brain. Yeah, grab some body brain, call me. Get my book, knives, and spoons on pre-order right now. And if you love this show, go to gas digital.com.

We do the uncensored and ad-free version of the show. It comes out every Monday night. It comes out Wednesdays everywhere else. And we make any money? You can pay for my June vacation. And then you could also pay for my August vacation. Make sure you use code word regs when you sign up. Did you?

So they know that you're here to see us and not that on the show. Helps out the show directly. And let's see. What else? That's really it. Oh, Skank Fest sold out in a couple of minutes. So you can get regular tickets. If you guys want to get the three-day passes and single-day passes,

April 20th, they go on sale. And, yeah, I'm doing Story Wars on the road. I'm doing a bunch of fun stuff. So keep on supporting all that. the shit that I do. Story Wars. I'm going to say it. The funest fuck. It's so fun. It's the funest podcast. It's so fun.

This should be a TV show. It should be a fucking TV show. I mean, I'm still waiting for Lewis to pay us from the Gramercy, but I think it's still a fun show. What's the Gramacy? We did the live show at the Gramercy. Oh, the Story Wars? It was fucking fantastic. I'm not the guy. You know, I don't pay. We know. The boss. The other guy

until you're not the guy. Contact the producers. I don't know fucking, I didn't get paid from the Gramacy. I didn't pay from the Gramacy when the regs did it. I don't know. Did I? Oh, we got a $1,000 check each. Yeah, they're like, we still never come back. We should do another live one. They gave us a check and they went, do you know Gabby Bryant?

Really? No, Story Wars is. It's so far. Gabby signing our checks. Here's why it's fun. It doesn't take a lot. You just show up and the structure of the show is the funny part of the show. But that's why I don't want to make it a TV show because Jay really wants to get to get it.

Why? But the thing is, it is a TV show. I don't get it. Because we own it. We don't have a boss. You can still own it and be the boss. No, you can't. Once you're on Netflix, you're not the fucking boss.

How do you know? You've never had anything on Netflix. But we can negotiate that. Your lawyer can negotiate that in the contract that you guys are the motherfuckers. Have you been approached by Netflix to be like, we want to buy it? No, but I know that they're trying to fucking sell it behind my back. Oh, really? Yeah.

Behind your back. Yeah, I specifically said I don't want to be on Netflix. So where would you put it? If you don't have to do that. YouTube. I want to get it to 2 million, 3 million views an episode and own every everything that I fucking do. I've started everything myself for a fucking reason. How mad are you going to be when Netflix starts

memory battles? Here you go, what the fuck is memory battles? And hosted by Jeff Ross. Hosted by Little Jay. It just changes everything. No, you know, I want to fucking, I don't want to have a boss. I want to fucking... You are the boss.

Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss. The who? It was good. The who? The who? I like you signing off on it. It was good. That's what they say when I come to town.

The who? The Puerto Rican Rattelstake. God, you still got your good stuff. I think you're wrong, dude. I think you could still negotiate. You own it. They don't own it. You lease it to them.

You're the fucking boss. You could do, put it in the contract. They just got rid of that fucking bitch on HGTV for saying fart. I promise you that if we got anything else Canada, though. That's HG. And that's fucking HDTV. That's a total. They're selling stuff to old ladies.

Yeah, dude. Netflix, you can say whatever the fuck you want. Not really. I would put it on punchup. Nobody's on Netflix. Put it on punchup. Punchup.com. Why would we put it on punchup? He has a thing.

I have my own platform. What's it called? That is really funny. No, give it to another guy. He goes, what's it called? Yeah, here's what's great, right? Remember when we said fuck the industry and we don't need the industry and we all doing shit ourselves and we all have fans and it works?

millions of dollars. Gabby Brown sells more tickets than all of us. Yeah, but that's great, dude. Who gives it? That's great for her. We don't need TV. Now we're like going back to TV. Everyone's like, oh, I want a Netflix thing. I want this.

I want that. What happened here? We don't need, like, we're just so like engaged with the old school way of doing things. Well, I just think that if it was on a TV, like a Netflix, it would be worldwide. It gets exposure. YouTube is worldwide. But not for you. No, it is though.

Tube. I think what happens is, create a show, and then Netflix calls and goes, we'll give you $1 million for that show and you don't have to change it. You make way more than that doing it on your own. If you get two, three million views on YouTube, you're making way more than one million dollars. How many are you telling you what I think has happened? We're getting we're averaging about a half a million.

Some episodes hit up a million, yeah. And you want to get it to two? Two, three million, yeah. And we literally were fucking, just off that one show, I wouldn't have to do anything else. I could just do Story Wars once a week and make more money than I've ever made before. So you wouldn't have to do... Whoa! Paco! I said no! This is a guy

See, what? I hope it's a big boxing glove. It's a picture of Sarah sleeping. The coffee, just a medium coffee, a little bit of cream, two pumps of sugar-free. Paco, my next session, you're on. All right. Sugar-free caramel. You go on before.

Paco, you're coming to Emmaus. You're coming to Pittsburgh, baby. Poca's all over anybody. You're coming to a roadhouse with me, Paco. Right now, Danny's just at the computer going, but I get fucking. Danny, Danny has a gig. But I get fucking, he's like, but I get yelled that. Danny can't do it.

But I can't do it because I record that when they don't want to be recorded. No, but Paco's the third best comic, so he deserves it. We should have a fucking battle between these guys at Skankfest next year. I mean, I didn't even ask for these. This is very nice. Is it okay if I'd shoot directly? Do we have to sit in the scene any longer? I don't know.

And scene. Joe is like that alien from men in black where he's like, Gotti Sugar. More. Vince Navrio. Our host is black. Remember that? It was the MTV Movie Awards. Chris Rock hosted.

Oh, yeah. He said, First Black Man in here without a mop! These are his jokes. I don't know why you guys are looking at me. It was not the one where DePaolo gave him the good Charlotte, more like a mediocre green moon. That's right.

Great joke. Great joke. Is, uh... What should get Chris Rock on here? DePaulo coming to Skank Fest? What? He's texting right now. Lewis DePaul Cumming?

And who's the other person you were talking about last week? It's a surprise. To who? To everyone. You're not going to tell us? Pass it to me. Rolfie Mae. Whoa.

Crazy. Wow. It's a game of telephone. Eddie Murphy? No. Wow. I was supposed to tell, you asshole. That's crazy.

Yeah. Wow. We'll see. Who do you think the next comic to be huge is? Huge. Huge. Gabby Brian. Yeah.

I don't know. Gabby my sweet angel, brilliant. You're in love with her. That'd be a power couple. You really are in love with her, and she wants nothing to do it. You're like,

Happy Lapew and she's like that fucking... I can get her. I can get her. I get her girlfriend. Never mind. I don't want her. I must have her. I already have her in my house.

Yeah, two at the Schubert. That's crazy. What's that? 7,000 people? No. No, no, no. You're thinking of the wang. That's right.

Oh, the Schuber did a movie. Okay, yeah, yeah. He's always thinking of the wang. He's a fucking queer. I'm thinking of a wang. Look at a penis. What a dog is a wang. That is big.

Schubert's big. Shubber's nice. That's where we premiered Fourth of July in Boston. I wasn't there. Why weren't you there? Oh, because you had surgery. No, I was there at the beacon for the surgery. But you didn't come to Boston?

No, because I wasn't invited. Yeah, everyone was invited. What are you talking about? I didn't get a formal. I don't go unless I got a formal invite. Damn. Everybody got a formal invite. I did not.

I got it. I'll talk to Lewis. Okay. Lewis. Why did not? Sekelly. Oh, sorry. Louis Wren

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but my favorite pomegranate, which I love saying. I love this stuff. When I'm on the road, you guys know me. I'm a nicotine nut. I'm on the road. I go out. I have a nice meal. What are you? A nicotine nut. I was in San Francisco, the best city in America. I want to talk about it. Let's get out. I'd eat a big old Italian meal. And then afterwards, like you said, like a dessert, I'd pop in a little apple cider, chew it up, get a nice little buzz, feeling good, going into the show. Lucy's the only pouch that gives you long-lasting flavor whenever you need it. Right now, you can get 20% off your first order when you buy online with Code Rags. Tell them how to do it there, Danny Boy.

If you don't want to wait, just head to lucy.com slash stores to find Lucy near you and grab it today. Here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Let's get back to the show. James loves Louis. Yeah.

Did he get to meet him at MSJ? No, Louis left. He left. After Lev gave him a note on one of his jokes, Louis started fucking twitching and had to leave. What? After Louis got off his age, Lev gave him a tag. We all were like, I swear to God, dude. Call Lev on the phone.

That's crazy. I'll call him right now. You want to call him? Yes. That's insane. What was the tag, though? What if it's a good tag? We got to give him.

It just doesn't matter. What if the tag was really good? I'll tell you an embarrassing story. Vecchio, you know, a tell. Oh, he's calling. That is crazy. Good radio. Lev, you're on the regs right now.

I just revealed to everyone that you gave Louis C.K. a tag after you go offstage at the garden, so everyone wants to, I think, you yell at you? No, we want to. No, we want to know what the tag was before we trash you. We want to know it could be a great tag. What was the tag? To what joke? The tag sucked dick.

And I knew it was a count now until Lewis fucking betrayed me like this for the year. Yeah, we feel that all the time. Yeah, that's called knowing Lewis. Yeah, that's called being friends with Lewis. Wait, so take us through, Lev, because this could really blow you up here. So Louis walks offstage at Madison Square Garden and then you say, hey, I got a line for you? And what's the joke and what's the tag? Well, he got upstairs.

And I kind of squeeze his tits a little bit, gave a hank. And then I was like, hey, pussy, I got an idea for you. Wait a minute. What? You said pussy? No, he didn't.

Yeah, and he goes, well, what's your idea? And I was like, shut up. Don't talk. Just listen. You silenced him with your finger on his lips. She's very, Leves crushing right now.

Leve does a good Louis. Who the fuck are you? I go, I'm Leve C.K. Dumbass. And then, oh, man. No, he was just some, he was standing there with,

I don't know, know if I can, should reveal his shit, but he was with, like, a friend or whatever, and I just, I go, hey, have you ever thought about saying this? And then his friend laughed at the tag. And then, uh, and he was like, oh, yeah. And then that was kind of it. And then I just, and then he beeline out of the arena, out of his arena. Wait, was, was he leaving. Was it Chris Rock?

No. No, no, no, no, no. What was the joke and what was the tag? The joke was he was doing a thing. about like he's out a urinal with a bunch of dudes and nobody can pee and then he farts and then everyone's able to pee once he farts. So what was the tag? The tag was, I was like, have you ever thought about Sam?

Classic. I, uh, classic. That's great. Who cares? Shut up, love. That's insane. I also love that he's like, I don't know if I want to reveal his. shit, but he had a friend.

Yeah. What a fucking asshole. But he knows another human being. Man, that, the idea of giving someone to tag, Vecione, Othel used to call Vecione all the time

to be like, hey, has anyone ever done a joke about figure skating? He's called everybody. The Atele phone call. Hey, what's, I haven't... So I didn't realize...

It's almost like Atele. Othell has... Remember the scene from... They were making fun of family guy in South Park? Yeah. It's just thought bubbles. He's like, you ever get a...

You ever have a joke about a black midget inside of a circus You ever do anything about Flojo and the herpes? Yeah, dude. Never in my life

I thought of that. Do you ever do something about lava being gay? Yeah, I don't even know why I would have that joke. Gay lava.

I do have a joke about gay lava. Oh, no, yeah. So he called me and I remember lava being gay. It's such a specific

that whole thing. That's how it would literally what he calls you about. He's like, do you ever talk about JFK's phlegm? He's like, why would I do that? Yeah. I was in San Francisco, and I was with my buddy in a cab. It's exactly that.

I remember exactly where I was near Union Square in San Francisco and a cab with my buddy, and Attel called me from a block number. This is like 2011. And I show my buddy, I go, Dave Attel. And I put it on speakerphone. And I go, hey, Dave. And he goes, hey, I want to run some bits by you, blah, blah, blah. And he does all that stuff or whatever.

I go, no, I don't have anything like that. I go, hey, you know what? For the serial joke, you could say, and he goes, not looking for tags, and hanged up, and just hung up, and I sit there in the cab, and my buddy just stared at me, and he goes, what the fuck with that?

You weren't supposed to see that. There's just that he's so intimidating. This is my friend that's not even a comedy. I remember one time when I was producing shows to stand up New York, like, before I knew Atel at all, like very, like, I mustered up the confidence to ask him if he would do my show. He was, like, doing, like, the early show,

and it was, like, oh, hey, David Tell. Is there any chance you would maybe want to do He was like, isn't this more of a question for Joe DeRosa? That tells the man. He can just shut you down. Dude, I consider Dave a friend at this point. Every time I talk to him, I feel like he's judging me and hates my guts. Yeah.

He, I heard a story about a comic who I won't say now, I can say it after, but he was emceeing at the stand-up New York. It was like 20 years ago. And he lit him, he lit Dave, and then Dave just kept, did like four more minutes. And then he lit him a second time. And Dave went, oh, really? And I, like, wake up thinking about it. I'm like, oh, I would fucking kill myself.

And when I hosted the seller briefly, I would just never light up. And then he'd be like, you got to light me. What are you doing? And I was like, I don't know. I don't want to get, oh, really. He's the most intimidating headliner for life. Well, he's a genius. When we pitched a show to True TV, we wrote, me and Dave would have a show to

Oh, now you do want to pitch to TV. Well, this was back in the day. This is 15 years ago. This is what networks matter. 10 years ago, yeah. And I was every time I pitched a, I'd pitch a few TV shows. Joe. So I was when I was trying to actually be famous at one point. And I would go in so intimidated being like, oh, well, this is what I have.

And like, I would just, all my confidence would shut down. Then I watched him go in. And he just, like, did that to all of, like, the producers and all the people we encountered. He was just super condescending. And they were just sucking his fucking dick. They love it. And I was just like, oh, man. You twist my nipples.

And he goes, hey, I got an idea. Jump out the building. They go, we'll buy you a producer. Oh, what do you produce poop out of your butt? And they go, I do. Do you want a TV show? I remember Manny called a meeting with all the comedy seller comics because Patrice called the lady a cunt.

And he had us all come in on a Sunday. And David Tell was there with Kevin Brennan. And he kept raising his hand asking David Teng. He goes, now, if she was a cuck, would that be okay to call her a cuck? And that's great. Mani just went, you know what? Forget it. And he just ran out of the meeting.

He's the best. Also back today, like when comedy club owners would have the power to call a meeting amongst comedians. I'm so happy we've taken that all the way from them. When they pick you up at the airport and tell you how things go. How to do radio? Oh my God, I want a bunch of wall. You want to do your jokes. You need to do jokes because that the people don't know you jokes.

Fucking Bob and Tom going in there and they go right down five-year bits. And I went, what? We'll just like hang out. I had a great time on Bob and Tom recently. I love Bob and Tom. They were still going around? I did it. No, it's just one of them.

He's like, Tom's dead. You lost Tom. Thomas is. I don't sell a lot. a ticket, so I'm really doing anything I can do. I just texted Louis, and I was like, did a comic name Lev Furr give you a line after MSG? And he goes, I'm not sure I don't remember that, which is even more. He doesn't even have it in him to be like, oh, yeah, that guy sucks.

He's like, what? I didn't even put it in my brain. He thought it was a fat woman. He didn't even register to him. You know how excited Lev was to tell us his tag? He's probably called back, I bet. Did he call back? I don't think so.

He knows better. So what I said was, Click. Dude, oh my God, a tag. Giving someone you love a tag in his bag. Oh, it's brutal. You don't, like, nobody really wants a tag. I do.

Sometimes they work. I've gotten some good tags. Norton's giving me great. Like, he'll come up, you should say this. I've got good tags from the most random people where they go, hey, the end of that joke. And you go, that's actually a good. Well, I don't like a tag so much as like an angle.

Yeah. Of like, oh, that made me think of this. What if you explored that? That's what happened to me last night when I got off stage. comic watch one of my jokes. He goes, hey, that joke's funny. The thing you talk about at the beginning, he wasn't like forcing a callback, but he goes, you should have that. And I was like, oh, that's a right, right. That's more weird. That's like, that's like, one of the best qualities in an opener. It's like, give me someone that watches and then afterwards, it's like, hey, that line could be whatever.

That's great. Yeah. That's, but I was like, I was like, I'll ask him to do that. Like, fucking Scott Chapman comes on the road with me. And I'm like, I was like, watch my set if you think of anything. He's awesome. He's a fantastic. Scott should move to Austin. If you're a fucking white guy in New York for 15 years and you haven't made it but you're really good. Go to Austin. Joe does that. Joe Russell does it. He'll come up and be like, dude, you should add bacon to the end of that bit. I'm not hungry right now. It's not trying to push

me back to my old life. James is going on a date today's first official date. Whoa. He's that a couple girlfriends. Let me tell you right now. But he's actually going one-on-one date today. Let me tell you something about Jimbo Gomez. Hanging out with him at the garden. What a good kid. Good kid, right? What a good kid. He was fun. He was still, like, got that

youthful energy, but he was very, very, like, just well-behaved, excited. He was a good... I was like, dude, me and Katie had James Rank Lewis's girlfriends. Yeah, we're in the green room, but we're going to... I won't say much of him. But Katie and I

immediately were like, Rank Lewis's girlfriends, and James went, okay. And then he was like, they're going up. By the way, one place, so high that I was blown away by. Was he right? Yeah. His list was absolutely, it worked out where I was like, that's what I would have guessed.

But watching Lewis go, what are you doing? And then James go, I'll do it. And then Katie and I were like, move Lewis. That's the craziest part about getting divorced with the kid is now you've lost control of the people in your kid's life. What do you talk about? That's a crazy, what is the 40s? He's like, once you break up a marriage, now you're letting in undesirable. Well, B could be like, yeah, I'm dating this guy.

And he's like, hey, Lewis, I took James for, I took him to go see a thing. And then you're like, I wanted to go see that. I'll tell you what the great. Do you think Lewis is letting some do. take his kid to something that's bad? So Beatrice, you know, she's single now, but if she got with another guy, I would trust that she

wouldn't introduce a guy into James's life that wasn't worthy of being in his life. I'll tell you, her last boyfriend was great, like literally great with James. You were friends with him. She had a boyfriend she shouldn't have been with to have James. James is here because she's with a guy that shouldn't have been to.

I was worried about that, but it worked. It was a moment where I was like, oh, no, Bob. I introduced James to the new chick, and it's pretty early, right? And the reality is, like, he's old enough to, like, understand this is dad's girl. It's not like his stepmom. They don't have a relationship. He's also a teenager, so you know that shit works. But surely, also,

you guys see what I mean. Like, sure, you could date something. I'm going to tell you something that you don't even realize because I'm, you know, a son of a single mom. There's a moment where there's a moment where you, I remember my dad calling our house and talking to

my stepdad and them getting along and how much that fucked with me. Where I was like, yo, what? Like, they're on the phone like this and Nick's like, my stepdad's like,

like that laughing. And I'm like, what are you laughing about? And then I would talk to my dad and I'd be like, Mickey's like, he's a good dude. I like him.

Watching them get along. You want, I want, because my mom hated my dad. No, I was crazy that my stepdad. When we left Lewis's house the first time

with his last girlfriend, Max is in the car were just chilling. He goes, dad, I go what? He goes, Lewis's girlfriend's hot. I was like,

yeah. Yeah. By the way, Yeah, you can tell, especially with Max in your story where you were going through the car wash, and you were like, hey, you're afraid? He's at that age and I was like, shut up. You can tell him, he can tell when he's on camera.

And he was like, trying to flex his arm. And I was like, look at Max, trying to be cool on camera. He's like, yeah, Dad, shut up. I wasn't afraid. Whatever the time we're at your house and your girlfriend walked by and he saw Max just stare at her ass. Dude, the fun of the shit was. I had this ex-girlfriend just like over 10 years ago.

I brought home for Christmas, and she was really hot. my cousin's little son he was like 11 at the time maybe 12 we go over there and he's like I catch him looking at her a bunch and then two days later I'm with her and she goes your little cousin just started following me on Instagram

and he liked her like bikini shot and I was like get it Graham fucking get it dude I was like right next time I saw him we were broken up and I was like huh? James James brings friends over in the summertime it's like you know my girlfriend would be in the back in a bikini like just fucking

It's just rules. It's great for like, damn, dude, my dad dated one hot girl. Shout out, Cheryl. All forever remember her. His girl was lying by the pool and I just saw Max's eyes just in the water up there.

Like a shark, like a alligator. Like a Judge Reinhold. He looked like a Navy seal about to attack. He's like, I can't breach because I got a boner. Yeah, no, yeah. Look at that. It's not, so your point was that, what was your point that it's weird

to bring different people into his life? Not that it's weird, but it's like, you don't know who this guy. You could have a fucking weird. you have too bad a bad parent. For the record, this has gone bad. I'm not saying some crazy thing. A lot of people have been abused by their stepfathers.

Beatrice is fucking a great. I'm not saying Beatrice, I'm saying in general. I'm not saying he's going to get by Beatrice's boyfriend. The fuck. I'm saying that has happened. Nobody even went there in our head. And also James has the Brazilian jihitsu back around. You guys are going to put him.

You guys are responding like no one's ever been abused by a step parent. Not a 13. That's crazy. I'm not talking about your kid, you Jackson. I got to a thing with the guy. We were skiing this weekend. I got to a thing with the guy in line. No.

James started pulling ahead. There's like four people on the ski lifts. And James started just kind of like shuffling ahead. So the guy said to James, he was like, you know, there's a line. And I was like, well, first of all, you don't know who his dad is. And there is a line. You just crossed it. He goes, I'm Papa problem.

When you know what Lewis and that stuff happens, you immediately turn into the wife. Yeah. And I remember we're at the sky diving simulator thing, and it went sour and Lewis went off. And I just took it. I go, kids, just come on, let's go, dad. You grab your shirt like this, you go. Lewis, can we go inside?

He's going to start again. No, please, don't care. He's going to come home and hit me. We're having such a lovely day. Max, you're so mad at me. Dad, why don't you say something? I can't, son. I can't.

Dad has it. Dad's bones. So then me and this guy has some words back and forth. And then James at one point leans into me, he was like, Dad, if you would have gotten to fight with him, I would have jumped in. Nice. He's becoming your son.

At first he was embarrassed and now he goes, Hey, dad, I was kind of thinking, I'd come in with like a fucking sign. That's really, fucking, yeah, no, he's the best. He's a good kid. And no, like, the answer is with, obviously, with people are out there, but it's like, you have to be concerned.

Like, I'm happy. I, we didn't know, right? I knew Beach, I was always a good chick, but, like, we didn't know we were going to raise James peacefully. When she got pregnant, we never had a discussion of like, are we going to hit him or are we going to,

how are we going to discipline him? You have to know that shit. Yeah. Like, my chick now, I told us, We ever have kids. There's no hitting the fucking kids. There's no screaming at them. You're going to have another kid?

I want to have more kids, yeah. With somebody else. Well, I mean, if it worked out with that, I don't know if it'll work out with this shit. But, yeah, I mean, it's why I got her so young and rape. That's so funny. You go, what age are you? You have a child rearing age? I mean, really?

I mean, what do you do? Kind of a baby with an old bitch like these guys? Damn. You call Dawn an old bitch? Yep. And he called Sarah. He called Sarah and Don old bitch. He said y'all have an old-ass babies.

I mean, she may be old. but she's sweet as pie. Yeah. Bitch, he's right. But yeah, she is objectively old. They call 30 and above

a geriatric pregnancy. No, they don't. I swear to God. 30 and above is a geriatric pregnancy. That's why you're dipping so low. Yeah. If we had a kid now,

would come out fucking, like stone. Oh, my God. Max would have to strap it to its chest in a little jar. Oh, 35-year-old. Sorry, thanks for fucking prove me wrong.

Cuck sucking fucking pieces of shit. Yeah. The fastest Google they ever did. Yeah. I've never in a million years. They love proving you wrong on this show. 35-year-old. Helping you out with a bit.

Nope, but proving you're wrong, foof, it's fast. And holding it against you. God damn it. Yeah, no,

I, yeah, I want to fucking... Would you think James, because James is going to be like fucking 16 by the time you have a kid again. He'll be a great older brother.

He's going to be one of those weird older brothers that's, like, not connected, where he's like, I don't know, I was out of the house by the time they were born. Yeah,

but that's okay. Yeah, it's like having another dad. and you'll be dead soon so then he can raise him. Yeah, but what if you have a kid that, like right now you have a great kid? Yeah. What if the, you always roll on the dice when you have a kid that it stinks. Oh, Lewis's a sequel.

And we got to go, he brought Hernando around. He's going to name it fucking. This is boy James and girl James. Girl James. Hey, lady James. Get a little. Hey, what's up, pussies? I'm lady James

I like young dick No I mean I you know I fucking You know I want to have the real family fucking experience Wait a minute I just realized What? She's pregnant right now Is she? I fucking

She could be You can't get a pregnant out You gotta kill it if it's pregnant No She needs a couple more years of being hot I can't fucking no No you can't ruin that Yeah dude breaching hotness with a kid

Yeah when you have a kid with a girl And you never you never know what her body's going to do with kid. Then she gets a hot again. No, she's a gymnast. She'll be tight. Sarah's hotter than she's ever been in IMO. She is.

Yeah. I'm oh. Yeah. She got hotter. You are homo. But he has a good point. What if you had a second kid? I just assumed I had the bottom.

If it just stinks. You're rolling the dice when you have a kid. Well, I guess we'll see if my parenting style's good. If I have more great kids, you like, you know, it was just a whole time. It was just a fad. Yeah, it was just a good kid. It had nothing to do with you. Biologically, James is just a good kid.

three gay boys. Daddy, where's older James? Daddy, older brother James doesn't like when we call him Jimmy. Three gay little Louises. Gay triplets. Yeah. God, this sweatshirt is money, isn't it?

It is pretty great. I tried to shit on it, and I bombed. But it's great. I love the USA. It's cool. God bless the USA. If you're still drinking regular coffee, you're leaving performance on the table.

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However you take it, it works. I use it all the time. I have it every day on the bonfire. Me and DJ Lou are rocking on body brain. I have it up at my tiny house, and I also keep it in my bag when I travel so I can have instead of that crap hotel coffee, I have body brain, and it helps me perform better.

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body brand coffee I fully support it I love it and you should too you can hear about what's that fucking what's that comic that was in the list Nick Topolo

No you have seen files yeah what was the guy Bobby Slaten Bob Slaten what do you do he did who's over all over those.

He was all over the Epstein Files in a way, there you go, buddy, there ain't no walking that back. He's like, I love coming to your house and eating dinner and being around those oddly young children. No, he said. Now, can I? It's so funny to be like, that's what he's in the Epstein files.

He goes, the amount of little girls you have around is always so cool. Lewis's parents. There must have been some people that just hung out with Jeffrey Epstein and didn't. So when this shit started going on was still when I was on the bonfire. And the bit we did was the guy at Epstein's Island that goes, why do you have a whole refrigerator of Capri Suns? It's just like his regular friend. You had a great tweet.

What? I feel bad for all the guys that wanted to fuck legally age sex slaves. Yeah. That is funny. They go, Jeff, you got any like 25-year-olds? Ew. But he must have hung out with some people.

Like, I like, you know. There was a photo of him with a little girl on his lap or some shit. There's a lot of shit. All over it. It's, oh, Slayton, you mean? Yeah.

Oh, my God, really? Just people have. Allegedly. Allegedly, allegedly. I don't get too deep into this ship That's why That's what's going around now I was I actually asked a couple weeks ago

I was like where's Bobby Slayton been But he must have been preparing for this His neck deep in child pussy He's in Thailand He's like yeah whatever here they don't care They actually applaud it Yeah Not to stick up for these guys

What? Hang on let me finish Let me finish the point Let's roll out your argument There was a time where this stuff was... Just mark the time now. Yeah, that text in the thread.

You cut out the part where I tried defending the Epstein files. Might as well write it down now. I'm going to back out of it. No, but I do think there, I'm not... I don't know Bobby, so I don't know what went on, but there must have been some people that just had it. Like, I like watching hockey, but I don't watch hockey with every person that ever came to my house.

So here's funny, if you don't know what's going on with Jeffrey, there is a person who was like, oh, this guy's rich. He just wants to, like, fly me to an island. Well, that's why the guys that are getting caught, it's funnier to me, the one guy that works for Trump that goes, yeah, dude, I don't know, it was his neighbor. I met him once, gave me the creeps.

I never hung out with him. And they're like, sir, we have seven emails of you going over to his house for, Lutnik, going over for lunch. And he goes, oh, yeah. Like in his testimony, they go, says here you stop by the island for lunch. And he was like, yeah, yeah, I did that. His earlier testimony goes, I never saw the guy. I got the creeps from him.

And I never was around him. It was like Elon, where Elon's, Like, I never wanted to go over there. And all those emails are like, hey, what's your craziest party? Can I come over for your craziest party? I want to get really wild. The guy, the Peter Atia guy, the longevity guy, you know that guy? He's always on Rogan.

Oh, Peter Thiel? No, not Peter Thiel. Peter Atia. I got them confused very recently. He's the longevity. He's the guy that's the one that's put young blood into him. Everyone that talks about, like, hand strength, grip strength is the greatest thing of longevity and how to live long.

He's been everywhere. He's like the guy. They got a jaw strength. He's all over. Huh? He's like, he's all over it. And he's like, you're my best friend, but I can't tell anybody about your life. And they're like, there was a blacked out.

There's a blacked out photo that Jeffrey Epstein sent him. And he was like, tell me this is from the internet. And he's like, it's not. Winky face. He goes, bro. In real, like, IRL. Yeah. And so, yeah, he's in, he's, he's, he's, he's, just all your emails coming out about all

shit that you didn't know was ever going to be found I mean by the way eventually it's gonna there's gonna be these massive data leaks through AI when the robots turn on us it's just gonna go here everyone has everything exposed here's every text you've ever said everything ever it's and it's we're all gonna be like this is who we are and that's how we spelled

coming so I just stopped looking at weird shit on the internet like a month ago because I see it coming I was like it's too late though no there's no James is gonna get a whole file of all your stuff and he goes god my father was perverted yeah Google keeps everything every yeah you gotta use duck or was it duck? Bing.

Bing or Duck suit, Duck, duck. By the way, that's the one that porno sites tell you to use. Yeah, yeah. Pornosites go, go to Duck and Bobby goes, I will. I love Duck. You know what? Thanks. Duck is pretty good. I don't look at anything that I don't give a fuck about. Now, I never like anything that I get exposed to mine. I go, fuck yeah.

I get boners from that. All my stuff is like middle-aged shit. Oiled up booties? God damn right. I like Google. One tit bigger than the other. Give me the cuck, good stuff. I want a nerd in a chair. watching Lewis

found a lady Louis. I write a bowl that looks like Lewis. Every time a jail goes into a hotel room, he's the cat's the cut chair. There it is. There's old faithful. Yeah.

I put the screen on the bed and I sit in the chair. Well, they say they're eating. He's just sitting in that chair and a maid walks in it and she's like, fucking kids is terrible. But they say they're eating people. Yeah.

Which is weird. You got to eat, you got to fuck a baby or eat a baby. Eat a baby. Eat a baby. Eat a baby. Eat a baby. What?

Yeah, the baby's dead. Yeah, the meat is tender. Yeah, dude, I'll eat a baby. It's like a suckling pig. That's a reason for the first one. I do the younger the meat, the better. Lewis is in the Epstein file. Veal and lamb?

Oh, my God. Epstein's like, I met a man selling tickets who reminded me of a young version of myself. They say they were eating people. Yeah, cannibalism. Yeah. Which is, you know. It's crazy that Pizza Gate was right. All those years ago.

I do want to know what it tastes like. Human? Yeah. Delicious. Remember we drank Beatrice's breast milk? Oh, yeah. That was fun. But it's sweet and then an aftertaste of human being.

Yeah, we go, ah. Yeah. You like proteins that are from a human. Yeah. Tastes like cereal milk. But you got a real clicky jacket over there. Oh, sorry. You have fucking restless leg syndrome.

I do. I do. I shake my leg like crazy. Me too. I don't know why. Because we're all jacked up on body brain. Hell yeah. Body bucks.

Now, Now, you, if you, if we all had a plane crash and we had to eat one of us. You. You've been seasoned for years. You're, you're, you're, you're got, you don't want me. No, you've done like a, I'm like an old turkey. No, but like cannibals, cannibals would know that you would, you're, you've expanded. They added flavor.

This is good breast. He's like beef, you know what you like? Biceps. Body's like beef jerky. You got all that. You got all that. You don't want to eat me at me or Bobby. You know, you don't want.

You're like a fucking old hunk of wood. Yeah, you don't want me. You're going to cut me over and it's going to go like that dry turkey and Christmas vacation. He's going to be like one of those birds

out in the wild they don't taste good. Yeah, that's why predators don't fuck with me. Yeah, like an Alaskan red squirrel. Yeah, Joe's just too sweet. He's eating in a fucking carp.

It's just bones. Yeah, dude, I'm pretty jacked up right. No, he's on. All he is on is on a cookie diet. So he'd be too sweet. I'm doing kettlebells every day. I've been going to, I'm doing yoga,

kettlebells? I'm pretty jacked up. I'm wearing a sweater. You'll see in the summer. I don't think it'd be me because I'm old. My meat is going to be like past this. We're all old. You're smoked.

No, look at this, dude. Look at that. I have some beefy. Look at that, dude. Look at that. Lewis, I'm horrible. I have a thick layer of fat. Let me just say this.

I think Bobby would be the tastier one, but I think you would feed more of us. Oh, I would, yeah, I would. Listen, that's not the question. No, I'm, I'm delicious. I think Bobby right now we would have to lay them out, like, and then it would be good jerky where we'd be like talking. Bobby's got a little teriocca. No, dude, I'm like a fucking. I think if I was in the woods and I saw you three walking,

I would definitely shoot that one. Now, I'll tell you what you're not. It'd be illegal. He'd be one off. You'd have to track me. He's this way. It's fresh. If I shot Joe, the game water would give me a ticket.

He goes, that's a dodo bird. You can't shoot him. And I'll tell you, what you're not thinking about. Calling him a dodo bird. What you're not thinking about is if you saw us, you would want to kill me and use my head for water. Yeah. I know, I'd put your head on my mantle.

They go, oh, you killed the big ones. The body was very small. I would use your head to, like, carry stuff around like a sled. Yeah, that's what it is. You go, we can all drink water out of this giant skull. By the way, the way to go. Oh, Paco. Delicious.

Nice Asian meal. Oh, my God. That Filipino glaze. Oh, my God. Wagu. You eat Danny, you bite it. It's a weird aftertaste. Turns in a dust.

It tastes like stuff. You got to spread Danny on a fucking bagel crust. Danny's kosher. Yeah, because he never mixed dairy meats. It tastes weird. No, Paco would be fucking... Paco would be like... Paco, you take a bite and you go like this.

Mm. Oh, my God, delicious. Mm. He comes with his own sauce. Oh, my God, like a purple plum dipping sauce. Did you guys ever watch Aaron Berg's, like, any special? Stink. Have you seen Stink?

It's on YouTube. It's crazy. What is it? It's called Pull Up Aaron Berg's Stink. Somebody sent it to me like, this is wild. What is it? He's murdering. He's just talking about how stinky Indian people are.

You got to see it. He's doing a gas digital special. He's like, what are they eating our bits? It's fucking hilarious. It's out of control. And it starts with him apologizing. He's like, I've taken risks, I've worn makeup, apologizing. This is a whole special?

It's like 10 minutes, 8 minutes. Aaronberg presents stink. Just watch the opening like two minutes. It's damn funny. It should be called Aaronberg stinks. It's wild. I've done comedy a long time, and I've done some comedy that has taken on race. I can't hear you.

I'm using slurs. I've taken risks with makeup. Taking risks with makeup is such a funny way to call Blackface. I've taken risks. I've gotten the chair. That's not the playing field I'm in anymore. Turn it up a little. It's very low.

I do. I'm not regretful for what I've done. I've learned. Lurt. Learned. And I want you to see what I think. Can you turn it up more? It's very low.

I think this is a loud of a bit. Just watch the first like 30 seconds. It is wild. I love the font. Well, he's using good cameras. Yeah. Damn. God, there's Indians there.

In, in. That's what I called Natalie Cuomo, my Bomb Bay. That's great. Come on. That was good. Aaron's a killer, by the way. The wedding is just on the other side of the door and they're like, are they talking about us?

Are you eating armpits? Go watch Aaronberg stink, everyone. Being at a wedding and then having a comedy show rip on your whole wedding on the other side of the wall is great. Indian weddings are wild. I did one. I got the mic taken out of my hand. What do you mean?

You did a set? Yeah, I did a wedding downtown. I mean, guy was a multi-millionaire down at the Marriott. Marriott downtown back of the day. Matt Frost hired me, and it was in that big horseshoe. It was just a dance flow with nobody in it. They were all to the right and then way back. And then the guy came out in a, I think it's called a Siri, the outfit that they wear.

Sure. Serious? And I like it. Come on, dude. Stop behind the line. Kong. Back of the room. I liked it.

It went in. Yeah. And I started trashing the series And the guy just went Okay Give it out for Robert Kyi Really? It's just like I was shaking

There was no mic in my hand But my hand was still shaking Oh no You're bombing at an event You don't want to be at I got hired for a private event Because they were like No we can have Dan do it

And I was like I'm not gonna have any language restrictions And they're like Now you'll be fine This is like 2017 Because Billions was on And they liked billions And I went to it

And it was a, I went after the bonfire. So I was just in like a hoodie in jeans. It was a banquet for doctors. And they didn't tell me. And it was cancer doctors. And three of the doctors went up before me and played electric guitar. That was so good that I was sitting on the style. Like, these guys are fucking ripping.

And they're like, Dan Soder. And I went up and fucking bombed for 25 minutes. And then I left with such flop sweat that I remember going outside and being like, oh, it's cool outside. I ate it so hard. If you're bombing for five minutes, they should be like, that's enough. To make you do it

full time, call it a fucking day. I started even joking around about it. I go, is this the kind of bedside manner you guys have? You're just going to let me

hurt like this? I feel that way all the time. I'm not having fun. You're not having fun. Just call it. Let's just leave. And pro-rate it. Take half the money.

I would have taken half the money to leave five minutes in. I bombed at a Christmas party, but half the guys were like, bro guys going, keep going. And the other half was all the women in the fucking office.

They were like, stop it. and I just kept going. As soon as I hit 45, I left, and then I dropped my check in the place. I had to go back and be like, hey, can you help me find the check? Oh, no. That happened to me when I opened up for Big J the first time at Stress Factory, I was hosting. It was Vinny Brand featuring and Big J headlining.

And, dude, I mean, I, I, I mean, such a dick on the first night. I mean, it's like laughless, like opening the show, like, to the point of Vinny put me on guest spots for the rest of the weekend, but he still gave me a $100 check for, the first night and then I lost the check but I bombed so bad that I was like I'm not gonna ask him for you just hated that is funny god damn dude getting private events and just bombing I haven't had a real I had one

headlining like real bomb one my first headlining tour was in like a black room like Yakima Washington or something like that right and uh I fucking like the host was like it was me Chris Tinkle shout out of Chris Tinkle is he still around he's in Vegas now I think I don't know so I fuck it dude

and then it was me closing dude I mean no no Chris single was on the show it was me headlining there was a black it was like a host and then the black feature who was like the guy that would normally headline like he was a local like you're not following that doggy he's fucking murdering with references

like this guy laid the fucking hammered down let me tell you right I wasn't ready to headline at all I had 36 minutes of Bucterra I was like I'll do a 7 minutes crowd work that'll do my material. I'm gonna probably put some air in these jobs. 36 will balloon to 50. You understand? With 36 minutes.

36 minutes when you're killing can be stretched to 45. People are laughing. You kind of improv a little bit. When you're bombing. When you're bombing, it's like there's no time in between jokes. 36 minutes is six minutes. 22 minutes in. I'm like, all right, I got my closer left. Dude, five minutes in, I remember

some black lady being like, bring back the opener. I don't know why. And I ignored it. I didn't even, I didn't even fucking respond. You're like, I'm so any worse. When you're bombing, time changes.

It goes so slow. It goes, when you're bombing, though, no, you have like 45 minutes of jokes becomes 10 minutes of jokes, and you're done. I ate shit so hard at the comedy works in Albany. He double booked me with another comic.

That was a cruise comic. And they went, okay, he goes, I'll close. It was a double book. So he goes, I accidentally double booked you.

You guys are going to have to switch off closing. And I went, you know what, you're a cruise comic. Why don't, I'll go first on the first show. Late show, why don't you let the, why don't you let the naughty kid go? And I'll go laugh. This motherfucker buried me on the late show to the point that I was like, I was just on stage. And I was, I almost in the microphone went, I don't want to do this. It's not like they don't want to laugh.

They showed you that they're receptive. Right. So, by the way, he killed. It's 100% you. He'll kill so hard that I. I remember mid-stage going, like, mid-set thinking, as I was bombing, I'd go, I'm going to get dominoes because I really hate myself tonight. I bombed up in Buffalo, New York. Matt Frost booked me a black underground nightclub.

Yeah. I showed up. The guy picked me up in a big, big black truck. He had a medallion, a gold medallion, and he handed me a bucket of wings. What? That's how they pay each other. What kind of stereotype did Bobby look up? He gave me a bucket of wings.

It's like a four-chan fucking stereotype. I go, what's it? Did Aaron Bergberg write this story? I go, they're eating armpits. Arm pits! That's funny. That's funny. I go, what's this for?

He goes, all the comics that play in the room, they get a bucket of wings. So I'm like, all right, so I go to this club. It looks like a gas station during the day, but at night it turns into an underground black club. If you look at the flyer, it's all black comedians. And then my dumb face. Oh, my God. Name like Roscoe, the ha-ha.

And then Bobby? The kid that goes up before. me is mad that they booked me because he's like let me have a shot. He went up the host and fucking leveled me. Yeah, he brought a shovel with him. Dude, the average black comedian is

so fucking funny. Dude, the average black person. Black people are hilarious. Yeah. I went up and I'm fucking bombing so bad and I'm using marshmallows. Oh. I'm going to... Dude, I'm bringing jokes back

from fucking the columns. And then one guy yells out some shit in the back and I go, ah, go fuck your mother. The place goes nuts. This guy, he's a fucking, he's a gangster. Oh, no. Tight fucking wife-beater, medallion comes running at the stage. The guys that work that own the place have to grab him.

Luckily, you had that bucket of chicken. You threw it on the floor. Distraction. Then it gets worse. He goes, I can't fight him. The host goes, look at all these wings. The host. Look at all these wang.

The host goes back up, Scott's trashing me. Oh. He goes, I told these motherfuckers not to bring these fucking white boys from New Yorker. I'm, funny, he starts trashed me. All of a sudden, there's a bigger black guy with a microphone and goes, you've got to go defend yourself. No, no. Oh, that's amazing. I go, I'm good. I deserve it. He goes, nah, man, you got to go defend yourself. He's forced me to go back.

This is how we do it here. A versus. Like a wrestling promo? No, no, no, coming out of the back. It's the first roast battle in his thing. So then the kid starts, yeah. Oh, DeRos is calling me. Should I answer it? Yeah. Don't tell him we on podcast, though. Yo, what's up? No, I can't. What's up, Dee? Who are you with?

No one. No, I'm with him. No one. I got to tell you. I can't say, I'm fucking. Yeah, we're not edited it out if he says something retarded.

It's Joe List, Louis Gomez and Dan so to the rings. Louis-Games. Oh, God. Dear. Are you ever doing a podcast? Honestly. No.

No, we're just friends. Every time I call you, you're doing a podcast. We're at lunch. Yeah, we're not podcasting. We're having dinner. We're just having dinner. Oh, good.

You guys, no, really, are we off the air? Yeah. No, we're not. We're not off the air. Shut up. I was going to go with you. Oh, well, all right. Well, then, yeah.

Goodbye. We have a good thing to talk shit about. Then, bye. Damn it. No, tell us anyway. If it's bad, we'll edit it out. Do not. Louis, I'll trust you.

Joe, earlier in this episode, Joe, we were telling the story about how you surprised everyone at Mark's wedding. I mean, what do you call it? Bachelor party. And we thought it was quite egoic. We thought it was a bit egoic that you felt like you needed to surprise everybody. It's not egoic that you used that word. Yeah, you fucking gildo.

We should eat joick to hell. I could hear Joe blinking as he said it. I love how evil de Rosa is. Joe said that you thought it was a big surprise, but it really wasn't. Nobody cared. No, I just, I just, the truth is, is I wasn't going to go, and then I was able to go. Then I was like, I'll just pop up. I didn't like, I didn't like plan it, like, oh, I'm going to surprise everybody.

I didn't do it like that. Yeah, he did. Well, everybody seemed pretty happy about it. What can I say? No, it was great. Hey, Joe, are you around Sunday in Austin this Sunday? Yes. You want to do a spot at the creek on my show?

I got a show. Sure. Great. Oh, wow, Joe. You do his shows. Every time I should do to my show, you say, no, you fucking cuss. Exactly. I love Joe DeRosa so goddamn much.

That laugh will make you so mad if it's named at you. Listen, I love you guys. Bobby, call me after it because I got some real shit to talk. I want to know what this is. Come on, Joe. I want to hear it. No, I can not do it on the podcast. What does it have to do with?

What does it have to do with? I can't. I'll let in this fucking podcast early just to hear it. Let me just ask you, is it a person, place, or thing? It's a thing. All three. It's a thing and a person. Is that a Miko?

God, can we fucking end the podcast and then call Joe back? You want to take guesses? Yeah. All right. Let's take guesses. It's an Austin man who is white. No, nothing. Not Austin.

New York. Woman comedian. New York, yes, comedian, yes, not a woman. It's a man. Oh, it's our God. We got it. A trans. You sucked another trans dick.

That's not news. I would never talk shit on a... So he's talking shit about a New York male comedian. Is it someone that we're all friends with? Seller guy. We are all friends with him. Big J. It has to be Big J.

No, no, that's not All right, we're getting too close to the sun, I think. It's my son. It's James. Baby James. You're nervous. Just call me later. Yeah, I'm nervous for you.

Just sweating. I can't spill these beans. Does it have to do with... Wait, beans. It's a Mexican. Does it have to do with sex or being a dick? Being a dick. Okay.

I'll call you back. This is great. I love you guys. Love you, buddy. Sunday. All right. That's a good get. I'm training with Mayhem Miller tomorrow.

That's sick. He's going to beat my ass. He's fucking hilarious. He's so funny. He's on Skanks last night. He's a lunatic. He used to have a show called bully beatdown where they would get these nerds to call in about their bullies,

and then he'd put an MMA guy against them in the ring for three rounds, and the nerds would make money when the MMA guy would beat up the bully. And I think there's only one. There's only one bully that one. Which was the great. episode of that whole show. It was the first episode. It was the first episode. They were like, this isn't going to work. These bullies are savages.

Also, if you're a bully and you go through that, you look at the guy and you go, I'm going to make your life help. Well, you're kind of a bad, even if it doesn't even matter, right? Even the bully of your ass kick, they're still kind of awesome. It's like you're going into, get into a cage with a pro fighter and fucking give it your all. Like, that's so much better than some nerd being like, can you fight my fight for me? Yeah, can you hold my wiener while I pee?

Crazy. But he is a fucking, he went through some. trouble but now he's been he's a savage doing good he's he's a good dude though very funny he went to uh japan was the first one to uh to beat the gracie killer what's his name uh sacaraba saccaraba sacuara yeah he used to have some sick ass interests and pride and shit oh he had the best

yeah we're coming to those masks yeah not not not your interests and pride not on the parade you fuck not you with your assless chaps you're holding you baby I think that's a little insensitive ah you're gay It was Kiefer. Kiefer's hot.

Gay for Kiefer. And that flight attendant. Oh, yeah, that dude that gave you an extra cookie in the bathroom. I got to drop a duke. Dude, I was thinking of the thing. I was thinking of thing. I think we're all, I think we're synced up.

We did have seven cups of body breathing coffee. I think we all synced up. I got a piss to dry out. You guys should all shit together. Dude, it's poking out my ass. I got a piss. Rattle in the cages. Let him shit.

You shit between his legs and Joe, you ship between their legs. No, I'm going to go piss first to dry it out. And then go home. Remember the old apology? You ever hold a piss all that turns into a shit? I think about it almost every day. I've got an alchemist in my stomach. Yeah, I think about that joke all the time.

All right. I'm going to go to equinox and shit. Get ripped, bro. All right, well, there you go. We'll fucking, we'll wrap it up. Everybody's going to take a shit in the piss. We're going to call Joe. Find out who he's talking shit about.

We love you. Follow all of us. Yeah, pay. All the fans coming out. That's what they were eating at that wedding. Follow all. Follow all of us. Make sure you check out our producers, too.

they're doing stand-up. When do we start doing that? I don't know. Didn't we say we're going to help them out at all? No, we pay them like $10 a show, don't we? Yeah, something like that. Make sure you check out all the websites.

Come see us live and come up after the show and tell us you're a fan of the regs, and that's where you heard the show from. Punch up live. And we'll see you guys next time on the regs. Woo! Best episode.