Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Chicken Finger Fingers

Episode Date: September 19, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Anthony Cumia, Joe Bartnick, Mike Albanese, Christi Chiello, Rob Sprance, and Tom Cassidy! In the wake of Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll being canned (send Bob some love), the gang discusses the times they've been fired, and the viability of working for a Chicken Card. Watch/Listen and enjoy!   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? ¿Y no lo sé, dude? ¡On the RiotCast Network! RiotCast.com.

¡Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet bird! ¡This is gonna be a costified! ¡This podcast has no rules, no rules! ¿Qué es mi gas hall? to the funniest podcast on the planet Burnt. This is going to be a cost-defying podcast. It's no rules. What are the mic-ass hole? I'm like, I've already said, should I regret? Can I get a mic-ass hole? What the fuck?

That was trying to keep it like a comic-ass. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and he happens. Sometimes it's hilarious. Sometimes it's tantalopopics. No directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That's not what a host does. You love the part. 10 no topics no directions I love doing it

Pop it up I might affect somebody's life you never know I'm gonna fall down. It's my favorite part. That bone bone bone bone bone. Fucking nice. Fat bass. Nice. Bass. I love the rhythm section, but not on sex drugs in rock and roll. Yeah. We got fucking cancel people and roll. Yeah. Ooh. We got fucking canceled people.

Oh. Yeah. Got the nice hot boot. Oh my goodness. You were there, Michael, at the beginning. Yeah. Before I got the part, before I got the part, right? Yeah.

Before I got the fucking part, I was in Atlanta. He was my feature. And I was telling him like like, I got what? You're just doing a fucking dice. I told him I might get this part, and I had to learn how to play drums. And you took me to the drum. It was like a little studio where they set up two drums for us, we just kind of mirrored each other. and you took me to the drum world circle. Yeah, something. It was like a little studio where they set up two drums for us.

We just kind of mirrored each other. And we just fucking played. It was awesome. Yeah. All for nothing. Yeah. No, not while. Jesus Christ.

He's two seasons, you can't play drums now. He can play drums now. Yeah. People don't understand. It's three years in the making. Okay, so it's three years ago, correct? It might have been long, it might have been four years that that was happening.

I feel like shit with three. So you put that much work into it. You were dedicated to it. You're not being at the drum circle. Three and a half, three and a change. So three and a half years ago, I'm gonna land out, trying to get, learn the drums to get this part. I get the part, we film the pilot, we wait seven months for it to get learn the drums to get this part. I get the part, we film the pilot, we wait seven months

for it to get, six months to get picked up and film, then we film it for three months, we wait another four months for it to air. I mean, it's a fucking long, is that you, you? Is that my producer? Wait at the top if you want a rock and roll. It was three and a half years, it was fucking long. And then we got the second season. We filmed it, it came out.

And here's the reality, I'll tell you right now. People don't watch TV either, they watch TV even a year ago. They just don't, I don't, I don't fucking stay home and watch a show. Netflix, man. Netflix or DVR. Or I watch it when it comes on Netflix and through my, but here in here, first week, ready?

Here's, here's, this is the luck of the show. First week, mass shooting, Thursday night. Right when I show. Yeah. Fucking news is ballistic. Second week. Sounds like a terrible Tuesday for you, by the way. Second week.

Yeah, it's horrible. Terrorist with a bus Moes down fucking Second episode second episode That everyone's against you specifically Fourth week Trump speaks Just in general I'll give you a hit on the fifth week who spoke Hillary give you a hint on the fifth week who spoke Hillary and there's a third season there'd be World War three on the I got it. I can't. On the

actually the fifth week the Olympic starts. The Olympics in Brazil. I think that it went two seasons is pretty impressive then with all that going against that you still got to season. Well here's how I know that it did affect it because in the latter episodes, the ratings went up. You understand? And if those rating spikes that we had at the end, and we have the same viewers, as we did it last year, it would have been fucking fine, but it's just, you know, but everybody affects this fucking suite. They're all nice. I actually got a call which never happens from one of the headguys at FX

going, look, I want to just make this human. Love the show, love you guys. It's business sucks when we have to do this. But I mean, that was great. That was pretty cool. He didn't have to call you. No, and that, but it's hard too because then you get the cast. We have to talk. And that's sad as shit. Who tells you first? Do you find out online or does like surpego text you? How do you find out? The producer of the show calls everybody. That's one of his jobs. And then of course, I got a call actually from Leary called me and left me a message. I didn't

answer the phone because I guess you know, it was just home I didn't recognize it. So he called me left and it was just home, I didn't recognize it. So, he called me left and then it was a fucking beautiful message. I mean, just an insanely nice, holy shit message that you'd save from Dennis Liri. You know what I'm saying? Because usually it's like, shut the fuck up. You know what I mean? He let it decked.

You know, and it was this really hard felt beautiful message. You know, and it's fucking over. It's fine. And then you and it's fucking over. It's fine. And then you get last Friday in Connecticut, add a fucking one of those one-nighter gigs that you, you know, you, I went three and a half years ago, I was doing before the show. I have a circle.

Ah, it's fucking wow. One of those beds that don't bounce. They have a plastic cup in plastic in the bathroom. The carpet is tiles. No, it's not. The carpet is nice. Well, the good is there's one bar soap. You probably get a chance now to pitch a show.

You're probably now you get a chance. The guy we can't do so. I brought a script with me if you want to talk about it. Well, it's funny you say that. I've been working very hard for the last couple months. And you chance, get your own thoughts. Well, in a couple of weeks, yeah, we'll see what happens. Good things are happening.

Let's just say, let's just say, until the next. Really good things are happening. Congrats. Well, no, we don't take it down to that. Not too season, congrats on two days. Well, thank you. No, I really, the fans are fucking amazing. So take it down to season. Congrats on two teams. Well, thank you.

Well, I really, the fans are fucking amazing. It's so cliche at the end. But the cast was awesome. I loved every one of them. Leary's the best mother fucker ever. I mean, he's just the best. CERPICO, CELETI, Jack Leary. I fucking love them, man.

We spent three years together. And it's funny because if you look at it, I told the guy at FX, I fucking love them, man. We spent three years together. And it's funny because if you look at it, I told the guy at FX, I was like, man, I've been with you guys for almost six years. I was on Louis, I started with you guys on Louis, then I actually shot a pilot called Bronx Warrants where I was one of the stars that didn't get picked up, and then we went to the next house.

You have the pilot? I know, somewhere, but it's like that's almost six years on a net one fucking network with the same people, man. And everybody affects this shit, man. They really are. They're just great genuine people. The business is the business. But they're really great people.

And I'm sad to see the show go, but all the more to not point us, I think the great Conan Smith once said. And you know, it's, I'm just just but I told my wife I go I got a $7,000 fucking electric drum kit I mean do I down size you're gonna keep playing that's the question no Max of course why wouldn't you I'm trying to get rid of my kids $400 drum kit my wife went out of the house all right let's go around the room enough of my horse shit to do this everybody okay to my right directly to my room we have Rob's brands and so happy to see you.

I know, listen, because I love you, and because Rob is the founder of the network, I will let you get away with that, but we go clockwise in the show. Rob's never here. Come on. Come on. I've got it.

Let's do Rob. Rob. Yes. Love you. Thanks for coming in and helping out. My pleasure. Yeah, the only reason I'm here is because the equipment didn't work. Yes. Love you. Love you, sir. Thanks for coming in and helping me out. My pleasure. Any time, yeah. The only reason why I'm here is because the equipment didn't work.

Let's be real. Let's just have it a workout that way. Don't tell him. Hey, look, we, we, we, we, we, but you're fucking, you're, uh, Captain fucking suburbs. You're home and bad and fucking movie room. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

Next to Rob, we have the very funny Tom Cassidy back on. Oh, always good to be here. Thank you. Let's bring that down a little bit. I mean Very funny. My show is very funny. I got a list hilarious. My web series just got canceled How many seasons? Canceled How many seasons? Two. Did you have something to cancel? No, cheers can't get canceled.

I was actually on a bond. Who called you? YouTube? Steve Jobs called me for help. You were C-seed. And then I hang on now. I'm gonna make up with you tonight. That's a huge vomit in your own mouth.

That's what you give a hand. It's the Jersey one. Me and Rob just went over to the misery loves company live podcast. Yeah, when you talk Kevin Brennan 19 assholes on stage for about 20 minutes. It's all done. I wish I saw that. This fucking guy. It's like, why haven't I saw that. This fucking guy.

It's like, why haven't I, he's like, why didn't I get invited to your picnic? I go, first of all, I'm not Puerto Rican. I don't have a picnic. I have a barbecue. Come on. I go, second, I don't want to fucking see you drive your bike from Jersey City to Westchester.

Show up with my fucking, scare my kid with your blotchy face. I go, third, it's either you or everybody else. Because if I tell people you're coming, nobody's coming. So you don't get the invite. You don't go to Lenny's wedding. You don't go to the barbecue.

Just do your show, shut your face. He didn't get invited to Lenny's wedding. Of course not. Oh my God. He calls the fucks to Lenny's wedding? Of course not. Oh my God. He calls the fucks with Lenny's fiancee every show. Cause there are fucking this and that and you're an idiot for marrying her. Yeah, that's hilarious.

How do you bring him to the wedding? Anyways, he was, I just was like, fuck you. All this is us. We literally, the logo, the song, the show, the fuck you to, every, we did it all. We gave you, we're fucking dog to Frankenstein. We, so fuck off. Go fuck yourself. So's a good show. There's a freak me out. It's all hot chicks. I literally, to

the point where I'm right, right, Rob, I started asking people, girls going down, like, excuse me, are you here for the misery loves company? Oh yeah, yeah, I'm like, misery loves company. Oh yeah, we're, I looked at the girl in the front row, I go, you're fucking, you have to be on the spectrum. There's something, you can't be a fan. You're too gorgeous. Why would you fucking like this, shall? It should be me, it should just be me over and over again

Guys like me and you hot chicks love assholes Wait a minute that's turn me on but I'm like real like look at that all like you know what I mean Should we have Joe Bartonick first time to the show first time the show. Thank you best hair and comedy And in fucking every Indian try Nation who is like the cover of a harlequin romance novel It looks like the the white guy who played the Indians I'm mostly Italian the work. Put your pants down. What are you? I'm mostly Italian and then mutt.

Yeah, you have no Indian in you at all. No, but my daughter does. Really? Yeah, because my wife is like pilgrim in Swedish, but somewhere in Indian got a little suzic in there. But they try to deny it. I'm like, I can get a piece of a vegan son. What are you doing?

I am. My wife has a little Indian in her too, I love this. Yeah, she has your hair actually. I've turned around for a minute. Tell you what I'm about me. I mean, I love my wife's hair. I love his hair. I'll let you touch it if you want.

We would just fill it together and you were there too. Yeah, it was awesome. Great club, great time. Great cigars. Oh, we smoked. Spoked a ton of cigars. It was awesome until the mustache opener, started talking some homo stuff at the Italian cigar bar.

What was that? I am Shane, and what did he do? I'm naming names. Well, first of all, here's the thing, the kid was a nice guy. Oh, no, no, it was hilarious though, but then the conversation stopped. Like, anti-home or like I want to bang your heart.

No, I'm gonna say this out, we're at Twin Cigar Bar in fucking South Philly. Great subarct, it's a good thing. Everybody there just got out of federal prison. Okay. Hey, oh, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, right? I mean, you know, fuck,

I don't wanna fucking fuck with anybody in there because you know, this guy could fucking, you know, you know, bad groceries don't want to fucking fuck with anybody in there because you know this guy could fucking, you know You know bad groceries or he could be murdering people you don't know who's who and the guy runs a beautiful guy What a nice hand is the best he is unfuckin believable. What's that guy in the green room on Saturday night the real Italian dude? Yes, okay What a fucking great guy. No that what he was the guy that's the guy the two guys in the suits No, they're from the cigar place Holt's holds cigar which they they're the best they holds in Philly one of the best cigar lounges

One of the best fucking cigar stores with the ash den bar upstairs. Did you go there with me? Yeah, I remember is incredible And they were you never hear music that incredible to cigar bar remember They were cranking cream Dude and the girls oh so oh my girls like pens they have a medical fucking air. I was getting Bren in there Somebody's listening Anyways, we did this whole show we went to this thing and this kid I was trying to tell him I go dude You got a fucking let me know that you're human. You gotta let me know you like me because you're hanging out and I feel like you want to

punch us in the fucking face. He's probably nervous. Huh? He's probably nervous. I don't know what that is, but you gotta look, if I bring you with me, if you, hey, you want to go somewhere, I like you. Yeah, sure. I don't invite you if I don't like you, you know, and it's a he but he was like real intense

I was like I was like do you want to fight? I'm just like this, you know Fucking nervous by the time I got there on Saturday though you guys seemed all comfortable Yeah, yeah, that talk okay. He was totally cool though. He was totally cool It was just so funny because we're sitting around there on Spokensagar's to bring it out scotch and Sambooka. And he just said something like, yeah, you know, well, the Gays are okay.

And hey, guys on a Rico case are like, what? Yeah. Maybe time to go. I was so fucking scared. It's just not the room. Yeah, you know, you don't know your room. You're gonna know your crowd.

We're at South Philly at a mafia cigar bar. We're not like, dude, we'll go next door. That the show's a cup, they bring food over. We're like, okay, you know what I'm saying? Listen, Alan's a good show. We're already in the basement. The floor's not even done yet. It'd been very easy just to get rid of it.

I thought I saw a foot down on the cement. And I fucking hit it. And I saw a foot down on the cement. And it had a fucking hit it. It had a rainbow flag on it. It was crazy, but great weekend. Oh, awesome weekend. It was so fun. Good hanging out with you, man. And you were there when I first,

I smoked my first cigar with Paul Versiou who had just let everybody, we were promoting him coming on tonight. He had something come up, he had a take care of it. He apologized, and he will be back on soon I love Rosie the death so he's he's the best. So sorry that he's not on for all you guys were like oh, they were really excited It was coming on so anyways, and then we got of course my favorite My favorite Christy cello. I love I want to have you

I love it. Christy cello, hello. I wanna have you. Not sexy. Can we locker in the studio and join in? You wanna just have her at your home? Yeah, you wanna have her. I told my wife about you. I did, I told my wife about you.

What did you say? I talked again. I just said this fucking girl is the best. I don't know what it is, I want one. I told her I want it. I go next, barbecue, Max's birthday. you're coming just to talk to my kid. Oh my God, I would love to. I love it.

I would love that. I'm so happy to be back. Oh it's good to have you, but how you been? So good. I'm following you on Instagram, you got some good Instagrams, very funny. Thank you. I really like to do it. I can't stand you. Why, what is his head say?

What is it? Why? I'm just happy to be. Why? I really can't afford to see you. Everybody needs one of these when they're in a bad mood. Why? You're really doing it.

You're Renee Zell wiggling me. What the fuck are you doing with your face? It's good to have you back sweetie. Hi, and everything's good? Everything's so good. It's good to have you back, sweetie. Hi, and everything's good? Everything's so good. Never been bad. Never. Never been better ever.

I can't complain. Been busy, and it's just time of year. It's the bad, you're way you working? Kind of, yeah, I'm starting, I have my first headlighting gear. Where? Whoa! At a... At a... I'm laughing up in Bikipsi.

I'll tell you something. Which you were, I thought you were on the schedule over. I already did it this weekend, okay? I did Saturday night. Now the last time I did Bikipsi, it was a fucking nightmare. It was at the shit hotel. They were like, oh, you get a free buffet. It's an Indian food buffet.

Never a good, at a fucking shit hotel. It was terrible. And then the show sucked. No balancer, letting people in shit-faced. It was a, I was dealing with fucking assholes all night. It was a fucking nightmare. I just never went back. They would, hey, nope, fuck you, nope.

Then I heard about this club. It's so good. Oh, yay. It's so good. First of all, you jump on the train at Grand Central and you get off the train at the fucking club. Like literally, across the street from the cellar, there's the club.

So you just fucking train, bang, the club's right there. I'm so excited. I've never done it. It'll be my first time doing 45 minutes. It's these guys are great. The fucking the place is great. The stage is great. The rooms great. Everybody everybody there is a sweetheart. They treat you fantastic. It's easiest fucking fudge to get there. And two shows like Butter. Like Butter, me, Stavros, Jay McBride, we had a guest spot come in and everybody killed it. The crowd was amazing.

I mean, if you're... That would be so happy. You're gonna have a blast. If you are up in Pekipsi, go see you. October 14th. I'm a headliner, can you handle it? I'm like that, but you really am. I'm a telephartee.

Yeah, you're gonna do great. I mean, it's gonna be nine guys in front of you, but listen. Justin Kees. We're behind you. You're up there right here. It's not gonna be tonight. Fucking Joe listen, Lewis waiting.

You know what I'm saying? And if she does it, they're just gonna hand them out. The lumps are gonna get back on the train. It's unbelievable. I really had a blast, man. And these guys, really, they're just solid dudes, man. Really solid guys.

And they're doing it because they love comedy. They're not doing it to fucking pull. You can tell. When somebody's like, look, man, we just do this because we want to do a good show. The best. They love it. So you're gonna have a blast.

Thank you. If you're a comic get booked up there. Yeah. Seriously if you've got 45 minutes, get the fuck up there. Even if you can feature. It's to right up fucking the train. Yeah. Right there.

All right so what else we got? Next to Christie we have the big Mike Albany. Hey buddy. Dude I'm gonna be honest with you. Yeah. I thought by now you might have shaved the beard. You know, I tried. I went short and I grew back quite a bit.

I don't know, I'm tired of it, I'm sick of it, but I think I'm scared to get rid of it. You because people know, it's like me, if I put my hair back, which I did two weeks ago, a three week film, I grew my hair back and I grew a beard. What does it even look like? Where's your hair line now? I didn't even recognize my hair.

It's like, I have the same thing as was? Like, is he still a full head of hair? I have the same thing as Louis. Okay. Except it's all gray. So it's gray? Oh, it's gray. White. I look like a white fucking freak.

I look like an ape, like a white gorilla. Like an old gorilla. I do. I look like a silver back. I look like a silver back. Yeah, silver. It's a nice look. You get the crazy red out.

Listen to me, honey. Don't play games with me. I want to bite you little fingers. I love chicken nugget finger. I love you. I love you. I mean, I would get sick of it after two weeks. I love that I can't have you.

Those fingers look like thrown into BK menu. She don't dust on them. They're like dynamite's a relic. Well I grew back and I just, there was a stage of, this guy looks good. And my wife was like, why, I like it. And people were like, I like it. And I was like, me too.

And then I, I'll grew that stage and I just look like my father. Like, I just look like an old man. You know what I mean? Like, there was that stage where I was just like, shit, and my wife went, this is one of my, I'm on the beach in Marblehead, Massachusetts Beard hair. I went my kid the other guy shows up with a kid

Group beard gray gray hair. He looks like a shit Comes up next to me with his kid and we're playing and he's talking to my wife He's a guy fucking blah blah blah blah. I was talking and then she walks directly over to me She goes when we get back, shave that shit off you head. Shave your head. That's all I'm talking about. Yeah, this is grand kid. She was looking at this fucking, this ugly fuck,

and she's like, that's what you'll be coming, it ain't happening. Get it off. I'm sad on the fact that I know I look better with a beard. Like, it's with Adam Beard. I have a really, like, pudgy, round, terrible chin. I would love if you just didn't look like Joe Liss, you had no chin.

I have, I look like a chubby Joe Liss. Really? Yeah, yeah, I don't have a, I don't have a great bottom half of my face. He had a great upper half. I do, and I fix, I rounded out with his beard. I think I'm with, I think I'm for life on this thing now. Really?

Yeah, I don't know. I'll shave it off in a second for a part though. You offer me a role. It's gone. Totally the part. Warm man. I tried to, I had a, I was in a chicken restaurant commercial and they asked me to shave it, but then I booked a TV show the next day and I was like, I don't know. I was like, I don't know. I was like, I don't know.

The only two things like, well, it got canceled after two years too, so don't worry about it. That story, there's a lot of stories and dick for saying that, he didn't need to tell us all that. I'm like, oh, my beard, he was like, no, I was going to shave it once I was on this commercial. But then I booked a TV show, and I said, go fuck yourself, national ad, money. Yeah, the $600 to be in the background of a chicken commercial, that was, it was good. Well, give us that, be in the background of a chicken commercial. That was, it was good. Give us that. We need the background. I would have had it sound like you, the fuck, you need a new KFC, fucking turtle guy.

No, I was eating a piece of chicken and screaming because it's so spicy, yeah, big time. And you could do that, the condo does a fucking beer. They made a shade in the beer, I'm surprised. No, they said the beer tested wrong. It tested bad. It tested bad, so they needed to do that.

It tasted bad, yeah. Yeah, it did, no. Can you fucking believe that? It was a dick. That there's a room full of fucking twats. No, we don't like his shitty beer. Well, I should say, it was. We don't like his fucking Confederate flag beer.

That commercial was already on the air for a year. No big deal, it's pretty, pretty big compressive stuff. And then they told me to do that. Nobody knows you. No, I know. Absolutely. I can't even introduce me after Christy and then I'll be said I'm gonna get I don't know I'm gonna give a shit they're waiting on old I said I just have to finger fingers over here your

chris scopos roommate you know I'll give you walked in it with fucking You still look fucking nobody. I'm not. I'm not. I like the thing Chris is my roommate. I know what. You know what? So what, that makes sense. Why does that make sense? That's the only big I had. Here it is.

I mean, that's just crazy to me that that's how they judge it. But now with like Amazon says the same thing. if you get a show they send it out for people to I believe they send it out people vote on it and if it gets voted in you have a show. They don't even send it out. It's just it's public. It's public. They air and you can vote. Okay.

No, right. Sorry, I didn't know the detail. I send it out. I mean send it out into the Amazon world. Yeah, send your desk A desk Hey check out my new desk. I'm doing my radio voice I like it. Just cut. Hey, you got a son of a desk from Blackbuster Uh

I can't believe my show's canceled. This is what bothers me about the show. I don't mind the show getting canceled. I get it. But what bothers me is that some of you fucks, not in this room. But when I say some of you fucks, I mean comics. Sure.

Are fucking going, yes. Some of this room, yeah. Oh, fuck. Fuckin' dude. Fucking going yes Some in this room. Yeah Fucking dude fuck those people no, I'm talking to you You say no How much would you sell those drums for oh god? I don't know what to do with these did you like see it coming? Like did you have a did you have a feeling it was gonna happen? Now the voice

That's what we can soul in you Bobby I just I won't hear it until I come and then I just The last thing I want to hear is, you can't get me a towel. No, I don't. I love this thing. She's a good pre-com voice. She's a great pre-com voice. Can you just say, just like this?

Just say, what do you want to do now? I don't like this thing. Why are you giving your eyes? Come in your ears so you don't hear it. Ask him the cuddle. I'm kidding. Oh, my face hurts. I guess, then.

Oh, that's funny. I, um, you know, it's fucking weird, man. What are you going to do? It's going to end at some sometime, you know what I mean? But we'll see what happens. I'm actually very excited about the future. You know, I've got some things going. Actually, me and Joe list started writing again today.

No way. Yeah, we had a show. So Instagram. What's that? I love provocative Instagram. Oh, this fucking cocksucker. He's so funny. Oh, I like it.

He comes to my house and you know, he just, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He's just going. He's just fucking smashing jokes to hold right up. So funny. And then we get to my house and he's like, he's just going, he's just fucking smashing jokes the whole write-up. So funny. And then we get to my house and he's just so fucking neurotic. You know what, we're gonna do a podcast, let's do a podcast, we're gonna write, we'll write, maybe smoke some cigars, or I'm gonna smoke some, and I'm like, pick one fuck face out.

I'm not you, I don't do that, I'm a fucking Bing-Bang Boom. And I go look, I'm gonna get some cigars, because you haven't been to my house. Joe. Yes, I know. I wanna gonna get some cigars because you have been in my house Joe yes, you're like I know I Want to come to the cigar lounge buddy. I got 400 cigars No, all pre-mall you bring 400 cigars on the road Pleasure you have them stored in every city you that's like you're hiding money I do you're on the you're on run. You're cigars all around the country.

I do have a lot of men, but I got some of my big berthas on. I got my, what's it called, the Lung Live the Kings. 60 by 6. 60 Ringgates by 6. And we sat in my little cigar shed and we wrote. And it was fuck, we actually, we read what we shed and we wrote and it was fuck we actually We read what we had and we're like dude. Why did we stop this like this is fucking? It was really good, you know J.A. Joe's laughing his ass off. It was a fucking great time so I'm Exciting that's a great partnership. What Joe list?

Joe list I think I'm a huge Joe. Do you have a boyfriend? I do not I think I'm a huge joist. Do you have a boyfriend? I do not. Uh. I'm not. I do have something. I'm fucking telling you. What is the new head thing that you're doing?

I don't know. It's something I just am trying tonight. I like it. I like it. He's viral. Are you guys fucking? Yeah. I love him.

I wish. And so I have you, she's here. I'm ready. Yeah, we're going to go to the... We're going to keep in testing. Yeah, we're keeping things. Yeah, what? Yes, we're secret lovers. Oh my gosh She's a mass of the China right? Right yeah, I was like my

Picture a massive. Yeah, I was like I was as a wide as a deep Board makes her a massive adventure. I was like, I was like, I was as a wide as a deep, I think it's a massive, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was thinking that on the inside. I want to see you shave it. How much will cost a shave you beard? Oh no, I'm broke. Shave it. I really broke.

Kind of. No, I'm not going to. You're good. You can pay rent. I'm paying all that commercial money. Yeah, that fucking TV spot money. You should get commercial to come forward. It's gone.

My free chicken cart has run out. So did you get a card for free chicken? Yeah and I never used it because it was just after after eating chicken all day on that it was like I can never touch chicken. When people say shit like that it doesn't make sense to me. I don't know. Holy fucking chicken forever. Give me a free chicken card.

I will eat it. I worked at a restaurant with like dude I'm sick of the food never happened. I took their food and invented new food. Who's fast food chicken they might. Yeah I'm like, dude, I'm sick of the food. Never happened. I took their food and invented new foods. Who's fast food chicken, you might. Yeah, I'm like the Mexican chefs. So we're gonna have to ask for our chicken card back. Exactly. Give me a fucking free chicken card.

I love that, Kig. If I want an Oscar and they were like, we were gonna do a chicken and you get a free, I go, yeah, let's do it. Against my age, but don't do this. Fuck you, I'm gonna free chicken card. I would do it for a free chicken card. Is it fried chicken or regular chicken?

Fried chicken, man. Fuck all of it. Was it KFC? No, it was churches. Oh, it's terrible. It's garbage. It is terrible. Can you say that?

Ain't out, I'm okay. I still eat it for free. I'm gonna stop hanging the $30 a year residual. I hope it gets a call tomorrow. Look, we're gonna do the national ad. With the beard30 a year residual. We're hoping it's a call tomorrow, look we're gonna do the National ad. With the beard, the beard place. You know, that I caused me to,

if you erase that, no. And I'm growing a beard. I'm gonna die it. I'm gonna have to lie about a Marin's podcast. I am. Find out it's fake. Hey, you know, what the fuck? Anyways, I wanna say.

You're Marin? Oh no, we talked about that last week. No, we didn't bring it up at all. Oh shit. You mentioned it briefly, but we talked about it. I wanna thank all the people who listened to Mark Maron episode that I did last week, because the response is probably the best response from anything I've ever done on podcasting. It's, you know, it was hard for me, I'm not hard for me,

but it was very easy for me to talk to Americans, I like Marin, and I, you know, when I went to do the show, it's a weird thing because people like, you know, I hope it goes well, and I'm like, I don't understand what that means. I'm just going to talk to my friend on a fucking podcast. If it, who, I know you're gonna judge it But go fuck yourself. I don't what I don't what how would this become a competition or whatever

And it's like whatever. I'm just going on. I'm gonna talk and we're gonna let it go where the fuck it goes And it went some fucking, you know places where I haven't talked about You know about my abuse and getting you know all the shit when I was a kid and all that stuff and whatever. But the best part was, and I don't give a fuck if this is corny, because I know I'm supposed to be the fucking edgy comic and fucking, no Paul, whatever the fuck was supposed to be doing.

I'm a fucking softie, go fuck yourself. And the greatest part about it was that people who guys who had the same scenario as children responded to it and were like dude that really helped me and that made me feel good. That there was people that had abused abusive you know abuse in their life and you know got beat up by their father and or their stepfather or an apparent or somebody. And as a child, because I look at my kid now and he's three and I couldn't imagine hitting him. I couldn't imagine fucking her,

like physically fucking scaring the fuck out of him till he cries and then letting him sit alone in a room. I don't get it. So I'm glad it really fucking, it was amazing. I want to thank everybody who tweeted me and everything. Just really awesome response to that. And Marin, for having me on and having that conversation with me. So, like I'm me choked up, just listen to you talk about it. Well, you know, it's, as I get older in life, when I was in my 20s, I didn't give a fuck about,

I was very self-centered, I didn't give a fuck about anybody. It was in my 30s, I was very getistical in career, career career career career career. And now in my 40s, it's about engaging the few people that I do have in my life, you know, and making sure that I am loving them and not hurting them. You know what I'm saying? I'm so nice. I plan on doing that in my 40s too.

Well, it's true though, like, I mean, it's just where I'm at. You have kids, dude. Yeah, yeah, you can't imagine. I mean, I can't imagine hurting it. Even like, you know, when you have kids, you hate mostly everybody else's kids, but I would never hurt them. Right.

Hurting a kid just makes me sick to my, makes me sick to my, like hitting a woman, hitting a dog, getting a kid, it's just like, I never said anything about women. Yeah. Get this straight. My wife does not have dinner. I know. My wife is a tough broad. I really did fuck up. She really will fight me. I tell you she tried to fight me once.

We were women are always want to fight you, she tried to fight me once. Well, yeah, well, women are always wanna fight, because they know they can't lose. If you, I mean, in reality, they can't lose. Well, my wife could probably, because she had three older brothers that used to beat the shit out of her. She was the only girl, and they had big motherfuckers. And I've tried to, like, wrestler,

where you, you know, you twist her arms and say, I'm the best, she goes, no. You know what I mean? Put her around twist her arms and say I'm the best she goes now Put her on behind her back and push it up to like it's gonna break say I'm the king. You're not I'm I just give up on it. This isn't fun because I have the next step is I have to break your fucking arm That's not fun But yeah, it was You know, I was a little nervous because I didn't listen to, I'm like, you know, I'll go listen to me, you know, and I know that we're at WENT, but I kind of forgot, but I know WENT places. And I'm like, oh shit, but it was a great response.

I'm glad people, if you haven't heard of Go Listen to it, it was a great conversation with Mark, too, he's amazing, and it was, you know, a good time. So what else? What's amazing and it was, you know, a good time. So, what else? What's in the chatroom, dude? Uh, sure. Mike Levyk says it's cute. Chris, he's voiced as cute at first, but it wears you out after a bit. I get it.

But he already came, though. Yeah. Yeah. What else? Madison says. I wonder if Bobby changes to and about the Ann Colter roast. I'd like to hear your thoughts on that. I'm here. I just looked at over. I got a thank of these guys.

We talked about it last week. I thought it was, you know, editing and they set her up. I think she's stupid for not taking the jokes. She wrote her own jokes because she thought she was funnier than Mike Lawrence and she's not. I know. She's like a dumb guy. He's one of the funniest joke writers in the business right now.

I mean, just brutal and he could have helped her and she could have talked to them. But I think her jokes would have worked though, if she was in a country club somewhere. They weren't terrible jokes. I mean, they weren't. Sure jokes worked here. I know he's a big guy, but we can fuck with him. He's not the Indian and Kukku's nest. He's also not that big.

To you. Exactly. He's also not that big. You. Yeah, exactly. You know, I mean, she was in the room where she wasn't going to win. Yeah, it was a weird thing, wasn't it? Yeah, it was just... Here's my gripe. When it's all said and done, you fucking ruined it for me. Because now you're talking about her.

I would have just loved to been smashing dumb cute Rob Lowe. Yeah, I became the Ann Coulter roast for sure. Yeah, I just have that roast. I'll enjoy that roast. Have that roast. Yeah. You know, don't set somebody up to, I don't know, whatever. He only really had one thing about him though, like, oh, he banged like a couple underage

girls. And that's not even like really like a heinous thing. Good for her. Oh, he was like, oh, boohoo, like she's 17, you know what I mean? It's like it wasn't like he did like almost everyone else that gets roasted has a litany of shit that is like funny to make fun of. Do you think they booked Rob and then we're like, oh shit, what do we do? I think he took it like a champ though, like he loved it because he's like, yeah, it's

not that bad. This is hilarious. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it is fun to watch people who, it's not that bad, it's hilarious. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it is fun to watch people who like aren't comedians try to be funny though in that atmosphere because it's like such a specific thing that like only like 1% of people can do

because they do it all the time. Oh, you could tell the difference, yeah. Absolutely. As soon as the comic steps up to that mic, but how do good actors and actresses pull it off though over the years? Well, they pay attention to the writers. Right.

You know, they do their job, which is, with people on it. I thought, man, he was great. I thought, Joel was great. She was great. Joel, I think she was a real, yeah, I thought she was a real. So, yeah, I mean, my opinion hasn't changed, but I just, you know, you know, I look, and she's a fucking little. She fucking deserves it.

Not for nothing. Really? She really does. She does. She really little. She fucking deserves it, not for nothing. Really? She really does. She does. She wants to promote her book. She does. But wait a minute, did she not? I do think she, okay, do you think she's, hang on.

Do you think she's saying, yeah, to promote the book? 100%. That's exactly why she did it. That's why she did it. I'm sure people warn her, it's like you're gonna get ripped apart. You don't think she said this would be a great stunt? No. I think she agreed to do it because she wanted to promote her book.

I think yeah, but why if you hate her? If everybody pretty much comedy-central hates her, right? Why expose her? Because it's good to hear you. Well, good news. We're talking about it right now. That's why. All right, there you go. Mike, you want to end the conversation? What's next in the chat room? You fucking mic wants to just fucking

I actually saw her in a chicken commercial He wants to hit the fucking 30 second forward button Go ahead, what do we got? Mike would be good Are you on a fucking French ship on weekends? You've been dressing very European lately It's not a good look. You don't like it? I like the look. It's just your shirt.

The hamburger shirt, you know what I'm saying? Well, that was a fat joke, so I appreciate it. But you son of a bitch, go ahead. Mike Levy asks, if Joe Bartonick is the chief from the cuckoo's nest? I already said it. Yeah, I know, but I'm really good. So don't, yeah, but don't do it. I'm making water out of the dog shit here.

Buddy, every week I say the same thing and then you fucking stuff coming back That's never happened before. Listen just say okay and move on on the Indian They're fucking why do you gonna make it a battle every week? I'm running under stuff and I know just don't say it just so we got nothing left You get some more stuff? Yeah, it's panic when I go to you. I just forgot. I have nightmares about you going. What's he got? What's he got? I just said what the fuck? What else you got? what else you got nothing okay what I can do it

I got it. Do you really have nightmares about that deep pills sometimes yeah That voice never exists. Well, it's funny what was crazy to me today. First of all, I want to say that. I'll say it later. This fucking whole Hillary Clinton thing, this whole election is freaking me out. Insane. I just don't know. I mean, Trump, he's right there, he's probably gonna win.

I mean, and then you got, I mean, I got friends of mine that are going on vote for Trump. And it's like, Norton is voting for Trump. Do you think differently as somebody when they say that? No, of course not. I do. I don't know what I do. Like, I know people, like, they say that? No, of course not. I do. I don't know why, I do. Like, I know people, like, I love that'll say,

I don't know, man, I'm all about Trump. That's because you're a communist. I'm not a communist. That's the problem. I just fucking hate him. I just can't understand. I don't care. Look, this is my motto and it's queer.

I know. I worry about my world, not the world. If I'm a good human being, I will pass it onto to other human beings and they will pass it on to other human beings and they will pay it forward and we can be. But everybody's worried about fucking Trump. Trump isn't going to affect your life as much as you think he is. There's a ton of people around him controlling him, okay? The world's not going to fall apart. Yeah, the other country's going to fuck with and things are are gonna happen, but you're still gonna be able to fucking do your job. You're gonna tell you fucking mediocre middle jokes.

Absolutely. You're gonna fucking tour the country as the Indian you are. You're gonna fucking be a headliner and Pekipsi. You're gonna meet a guy, finally, and then stop coming on the show. I'll get you too much. You're not gonna get more commercials. Fingers crossed. And then Deepo's gonna get an H&M ad. I'm gonna die alone. I don't even, I don't even, you're dead. I'm dead.

I don't even have to do it. You and Scopo got caught fucking and then I killed you. Oh, I'm not killing me. I'm not killing me. It's just fat pud. You know he's got some fat pud. I bet his dick is just, looks like it's just fat pud. You know, he's got some fat pud. I bet his dick is just, it's in powder. Like it's been in, you've seen it.

Oh, constantly. Yeah, what is it, is it nice? Yeah, I see it through gym shorts, but you know, it seems like a normal penis. I think it's probably pretty good. It's probably, I mean, look the size of his ass. You can't have that much on the back without anything on the front.

Before I lower. He fall over. He's got to have something happenin' out. Yeah, but I bet it's pure white. Oh, yeah. It's clear. The head and the shaft is the same color. I'm getting mad. Like not even any paint, right?

Just white white. Yeah, it looks like a prototype deck. The darkest blue vein running after all the top. It looks like a dick that somebody is drawing and they didn't finish. It's pubic hair is probably beautiful. Circumcised or no, that's a good thing we should. I bet he has blonde pubic hair down there. And there's a mole. I'm not a jerk, right? I don't even know this guy, but his dick's making me sick. It's making me hungry.

So you're voting for Hillary? I have to, and I don't like her either. What the fuck cool. What's going on with her? I'm the same. I'm voting for Hillary, but I don't. It's the lesser of two reasons. This is the first election ever where everyone is just voting not for the other person.

Yes. Like there's so many people like, okay, but what the fuck is going on with her? They're pacing out with the worst thing that could happen. Like, it was really bad. But she's coughing. Well, she has the flushes in a mone, yeah, she's saying. Coughing coughing and then she has a whole new tongue.

What is that? What the hell? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Look at this. I don't know about this. Is this piercing? No. People don't know what it is. I might be fake. I don't know about this. Is this piercing? No. People don't know what it is.

I might be fake. I don't know what, this is the problem. I don't know what's real and what's fake now. I know. And then she fucking passes out. Her fucking, this, she had the seizure on stage. Then she did the thing with the lady. That's that.

That's that. Is that a hole? Looks like a discoloration but it does look like a hole was it's a penny sitting out of time that is not a hole that's the only picture of the right maybe bill put a cigar out it's not right I don't know what it is okay but here's a deal she's having these mini strokes she's got guys with fucking these these secret service epipans Coming up on stage

Because they're see so they know to look out for signs of her seizing up Okay, because they're immediately there. That means they're watching her to see if she gets sick Something's wrong and now she's out in front of this fucking thing and she flips out and they drag, fucking drag her. That was insane. Those shoes are ruined. That's the problem. Maybe she was on her period.

You know people get hurt when you see 70, when you're on her period. And the blue glasses, did you hear about that? The blue sunglasses that she's wearing now? They say that there's like a certain prescription or tint for people with Parkinson's to help control their seizures for Parkinson's. That's why she's like all of a sudden wearing these blue

tinted clasps. Who's the they say? Yeah, you can just question all these sources. But you don't know why. Why didn't Muhammad Ali wear glasses then? Because he hadn't yet to do. Those glasses look insane though. Yeah, he seems insane. But they're Yeah, she looks insane. She always looked insane

Bernie starting to look pretty good too Now is that just stop him back in? What's the same to is that if she ends up like health being taken out that it's probably gonna be Biden or Bernie that'll come back in fucking Biden. Why not? He's great But when Bernie came back with his why did do you turn into a muttoned tiger for me? I'm not really great. Let her be the voice. Yeah.

I'm sorry. My leave's on for, dude. I don't know. Probably not nobody. Really? So you're somebody. Yeah. So Trump.

No, I know. You know, my whole thing with Trump is like, I don't like his stance on Mexicans. I just, I don't agree with it. I love Mexicans. Because you might be one. No, but I like banging them. You know what, no, I mean, people who don't like Mexicans

aren't in the real world. Like, no, like, no whitey white works in LA. It's all Mexicans. Like Mexicans are like Italians. They're good people. I don't understand the problem with Mexicans with Mexicans make that really makes me mad although I do agree with his stance on like I don't want the Islamic people taking over so I do agree with that I do agree with you. Yeah, it's to me it's like people who downplay

Islamic people can you leave the room for a minute? He's not a terrorist but he's actually we don't know that but the people that the people that downplay that No, pero él no es un terror, pero... No, él es que... No, no es eso. Pero a los personas que los personas que se plaguen, es que cuando religión se deshacen, es called the Dark Ages. Y ellos no quieren religiar el pecho. Es que es un sector de ese grupo de personas. Es un gran sector. Es un gran nombre de personas. Yo soy un gran nombre y ellos han sacado...

¿En qué prisiones? ¿En qué prisiones? ¿En qué prisiones? Sí. Yo creo que esto, este par de frances, las costas no se van. con la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, rincones de película, y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Alright Rob's gonna actually take off. Rob, I love you buddy. Love you too bro. Thanks for coming on. You got it man. I appreciate it. I'll see you later man. Rob's prance everybody.

Bye! No, we don't have. I just said this up. You were setting this up. I fucked you up. I gave you the morning zoo guys. Rob's prance everybody. I didn't even want to. My hands just went together. We have a train. Anthony Kumi is in the house.

Like Blackjack. Was this a hot seat? It's in a hot seat.jack was this a hot scene? I'm gonna hot-sage what I should double down You're gonna do like a bunch of shitty magicians This is definitely like a $5 table of terrible Ted's I I know who you're voting for. You're voting for Hillary. Of course. Well, here's the thing, is that I just, it's freaking me out what's happening to this woman.

And I'm really like, is this a fucking, what the fuck? She's got a hornet tongue. She's fucking, yeah, get ready for us a prank. surprised. And that's the dragginger, they're fucking up her shoes. She's got blue sunglasses. I don't know what the fuck this is. Hey, I'm just voting for Trump because of it's a protest. I want everybody, every politician to just go, that we fucked up so bad that they actually elected this guy.

Yeah, you like it like you feel you would do it for a promotion at the company and the boss made the retarded mailroom guy. Yeah, and gave him your job that you were supposed to have and you'd have to go like wow I fucked up. Can I say something to you? Sure. You have beautiful eyes. I've never noticed that. They're fiery red, kind of. I don't know this, Sandy tonight. Um, they really are. I've never noticed your eyes. You've tried to fuck every single one of these people. I've been married, yeah.

I got a three year old. I got a small peckah. I need something. Would you? I haven't tried to fuck you, notice that. I'm the only one. I'm not into fucking IBM, nerds. I know you just digs'm not into fucking IBM nerds

I know the big cousin a fucking sock Would you believe though like two years ago that this would be what it's going on? I look it seems like a Hillary yes Hillary of course. I knew once fucking Obama won the second try He's she is the next mother fucker up, but I just didn't know He's she is the next mother fucker up, but I just didn't know Physically, I don't know what the fuck she's sick. There's something wrong. Yes with maybe the next president And they're not fucking are they trying to fix her like a like a NASCAR they're bringing her into the pits She's limping across the finish line and they just want her to finish They don't care what happens afterward, they just won her elected. They won her elected and then she dies.

Then whatever, yeah, then. Really? Kane takes over. That's it. They want to run. They don't want Donald, they don't want him in there. I don't want the fucking him in either. Why?

A cane? No, the Trump. Cain, listen, because he doesn't, first of all, he tucks and he doesn't wear a tie. I don't like those fucking guys. Either Dre, we're a suit or doesn't wear a tie. I don't like those fucking guys He the dread wear suit or don't wear a suit. Don't like you fucking at a kiosk in a mall Fuck you and you don't and he's fat. Stop talking How'd you talk? I had on liking me. He's just fucking hey

Fucking smile and asshole you're the vice president be presidential like Tom Brady Tom Brady presidential Tom Brady. The presidential, who also likes Donald Trump. I know, Tom Brady, Dana White, fucking Jim Norton. First time those three have been in the same show, you got kicked off of. I don't know what to call it anymore. So when you're here, that shit. How did Jesus Christ? We had a good time today. What do you explain everybody?

I'm sure they didn't hear it. What? Them? The show. What happened? I mean, to everybody, explain what happened on the show today because no one was listening. See, I'm trying to insult the show.

What are you doing to me here? I don't get a full time today. I love the show. You know, I love Jimmy. So anyways, we really is hard to say I I'm what are you doing tomorrow? I'm going on the the opian de facto. Ah, whatever show Because I don't know what the fuck to call it. Opian acquaintance. I Look at these anyways. I'm not giving you. I don't give a shit.

I do the how it's done. Rap of show anyways now. Oh snap it. What's up? Boba Bowie. Listen, there you go. That's what you gotta say. Boba Bowie here.

I just don't fucking understand. Yeah, Trump, OK. But but it's fucking it's the guy That was telling people are fired. It's the guy that failed that so much shit fucked up He's golf courses his hair fucking stinks It's Trump I get it. I understand that he says these things, but he's fucking shit I understand that he says these things, but he's fucking shit. You ever see a half-blessed trash? A half-bletting sane. But you ever hear him?

Like 100 years ago. You ever hear him? You ever hear him? You ever hear him? No. Totally different story. No TV. Those guys will fucking, holy shit,

because they didn't have microphones, they didn't have, they didn't have lights. Those people with fucking candles. This has to, this movie has to end with Donald Trump being elected. I won't accept this movie ending after a year of watching it and go, oh, the ending sucked. I need him to win for the ending. Who would be cool?

Who would be cool for? I would vote for Hillary. Your vote for Hillary? Yes. Of course you would, because you're seeing your sentences. Wait, what happened? I would vote, no, no, no, I just joking. Well, you'd vote for nobody.

Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna vote, but I would actually lean, lean Trump. Really? Yeah, I think it's a better, I figure anybody who's saying they're not gonna vote is probably leaning toward Trump. Yeah, I'm telling you. And what about you, sweetie?

I'm voting for Hillary. I love you. I can't. Can you? I'm voting for Hillary. I love you I can't you say I'm voting for Trump just so sound cute Hillary's been an animal though you want to see what service guys that have said she throws things she yells and screams Yeah, Trump just make you see you food. He didn't get your fire thing. It was all phony animal though you know secret service guys that said she throws things she yells and screams yeah trump just Hakes are you food he did the year for you thing it was all phony hot trow hilly re wait a minute hilly re Definitely has a worse temper than fucking trump and I guarantee she like have you looked at trump's twitter He literally he just gets in front of it. He just says whatever he wants

Well you're talking about a fact-eyed typing eating McDonald's on a G5 private chat. I'm talking about a fucking little twat throwing a handbag at a fucking assistant because she didn't get the, you know, the right medicine. This... I was trying to keep her alive. I would hope that you... I would want the right medicine too. She's a... All right, MPO, I'm gonna raise this up. I'm gay and now MPO.

I don't know, it's just saying shit. I'm gonna fucking laugh on somebody. Listen, I think that she has a worse temper than Trump. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, I just feel like Trump is so full of hate. And Trump wants to defund P.M. Planned Parenthood.

I don't think Trump's full of hate. I think he says shit, and he doesn't mean it, and he fucks up, and he doesn't have to back out of hate. I think he says shit and he doesn't mean it and he fucks up and he doesn't have a back out of it. I think he's like, we're gonna have the Mexicans build the wall and they'll pay for it. He thinks that sounds good. It's not like he's like, fuck Mexicans. He just doesn't know what he's doing.

So they were murderers and rapists. No, he said they're coming over. See, this is how it goes. It goes, this is how they fucking twist it around. They said illegals. He said that Mexico is sending over Illegals that are made up of some nice people he said, but they were sending all of our also rapists murderers What and then it gets twisted around to oh Trump said Mexicans and murderers and rapists never fucking said that

Here's the thing and then you look at these little Mexican guys different little Mexican kids are sitting there going fuck you Yeah, fuck it's like you're you're teaching hate what Mexican kids are we talking about? Little Mexican kids like fuck you Trump that's ridiculous too. I look at Morpheus up here at the fucking Fucking Hillary Morpheus. What would you vote for? I think I'll wait, I think I'll know when I go into vote. Like I honestly am gonna wait to see how this whole thing plays. Really? But I almost fries us.

I'll let you know, I'll tweet it. I think Trump might almost be, because no presidential candidate, they always like eventually don't live up to what they ever promised. So I almost feel like that's why we should vote for Trump because all the crazy shitty spewing is like well He's not gonna do it anyway. It is like every other president. You can't vote for him so that none of that happens I feel like that's almost the right move

That's really fast guy. I think that's the the way to go. I don't know when I walk in the booth I just think if I vote for Hillary and she dies I just would be pissed off that if they like if something really wrong with her, I mean this shit is freaking me out. If we lose the old lady, we lose half up political connections. Look at these kids, they're so angry. I don't, yeah, like I'm just, what the fuck have they done? This is all bullshit too, it's just like, I think it's all bullshit. Everything is endless and I'm not claiming to be smart in any sense of the word

No, but we didn't either also like just cuz you wear glasses We don't think you're smart. No, but what I wanted to say was just cuz you have a beard We don't think just cuz you part your hair to the sun just cuz you wear salmon Just cuz you have a whole shit just cuz your fingers are thin Just cuz you know't work out. Just cause you sing your sentences. Just cause you pronounce your eyes. Just cause you know words that I don't know.

He's wearing khakis too. Oh no. You're a rat, Lauren. Yes, thank you, Big vagina. Oh shit. It's been said. I like it. Hey, listen, all I wanted to say is,

part of me does think everything's bullshit. The president really doesn't do anything. So maybe putting him in, you know, exposes all of that to say is yes, sir party me does think everything's bullshit Mm-hmm the president really doesn't do anything so maybe putting him in you know exposes all that which I mean you know You don't think that if they put Trump in right he's gonna be in there. You don't think he's gonna fucking lose his mind That's what you and somebody but no wait wait. Yeah, I think I think he's gonna be like he's gonna see tell somebody Mr. President, we don't do that because, there you go, fuck yourself. Well, I'm doing it, and he's gonna do shit and expose shit that's never been exposed. And, I mean, that's what people think of that.

That's cool. But people are thinking that if we vote in Trump, he'll take down the system and it will fucking, that's what we need. We need to fucking rip it apart. And he will go in like a Trojan horse and blow this shit up. And that's why some people are voting for this guy. But I don't think, I think him just getting elected

puts a dent in the whole system. It's like, oh my God, that's crazy. But look at what he's done over the course of the years. Whatever, oh, he's a failure. There's three thousand companies and four of them went bankrupt over the years. He also delegates responsibility. I've said this so many times i've never seen him a hammer nails in his hand yet buildings go up with a fucking name on it he

knows how to get the building the ability what i'm sorry you're building inspector now not saying uh... he has the fucking same taste as sadamu saying whatever he's building seem to be full of it. It was a joke. Just move on. Stop trying to fucking. Fuck you. I'll just say it. He'll surround himself with people that know what the fuck they're doing. Sit there as the figure had. Well, shit gets done because people are in place. They know what the fuck they're doing.

I love Keith the cops sitting over on an iPod playing games like your kid. Dad, you almost ready. I'm going home soon, son. It's like my dad used to take me to the bar when I was a kid and just sit me there. Have a give me a Shirley Temple and some peanuts and he would sit there making some kind of fucking shady deals. I was in a bar at like nine. It was on me. No, no, no, no, no, the bread never left. I know, you have one of your basement. You, you recreated the the bar you were at a

Shit that's what you be for Halloween little Anthony at the bar little Anthony with I don't know dude I mean look at Hillary for me. I was really leaning to it because she had Bill Who did eight years she's been in politics her whole fucking adult life with Bill. With Bill. And not with Bill Long, when she did her own thing. Before she's always been trying to be a powerful political figure. She's always wanted this.

So Hitler. Yeah. That's why you shouldn't vote for. That's honestly a career politician is the last thing that we might Everybody doesn't and Trump will probably expose all the alien stuff like day two. He's just like That's what I think we deserve as a country He's gonna come out with a laser gun What's this just what I found in the attic

I guess what I found in the attic. I got laser guns. He'll just start tweeting photos of alien bodies. That'd be the greatest thing. He's gonna have a tour of Area 51. Come follow me. This is where I found the ship. He's gonna come out on a ship. He's gonna have Trump on the front.

Gold plated. Every American's gonna get their own laser beam and ship Isn't that sound like an awesome country though? That's what I want he's gonna turn you're 50 when you do golf course I mean that's that's the up to me the other reason to vote for Trump is just to see what the fuck happens. Yeah, that's my point. That's what I want. Kill him if it gets too crazy. Right. So it's not like it can't get too much in the wrong direction.

Like it's like, oh shit, shit, shit, dead. Like it's not going to be a long process where we actually burn the system to the ground. But he might throw a couple of papers into the fire, which I think is going to be a long process where we actually burn the system to the ground but he might throw a couple of papers into the fire which i think is gonna be a big road for the of the kennedy says people have to see the uh... uh...

i'm starting to go trump now i feel like i might actually go into the trump i mean either either side of fucking sick mof but i just i don't know if i can do I don't know if I can vote for Hillary. I mean, that last, if you watch all the shit that's happened to her, could you really put that in a video where she still lady goes,

right, she's loud noises. And she's like, right? That's fucking great. We still have like two months too. So much more shit can happen in that time period too. I can't wait for this week. there's always a story every week you do you do you understand

tromba such a piece of shit if he finds out that loud noises set her off during the debate he's gonna be quiet and then go i just want to take get her to her surprise and that fucking broads and hit the ground twitchin Hiro and Hiro and Marriott Dropped in encyclopedia Britannica on the floor Yeah, just loud noises

He's just gonna get those Chinese white dots and throw them by your face Pop, pop Hiro and Marriott, you band Like, her house just a really stickin He should come out with surgical gloves and a mask when he shakes her hands He's just, he's really gonna take a look bad.

He's gonna get that dog that can pop 100 balloons in one second. The dragger wigs gonna fall off. No, he's a bad guy. It's funny too. It's getting weird. It says no, it's, how do you, what happens on camera? Drag her into the fucking, maybe like the person, drag her into a fucking car,

and then two host ladies, she shows up, coming out of a store, and she's like, hey! Meet a little girl. You should have walked to a fucking camera. Look, this is what happened to me. I was feeling really bad. I just fucking, I haven't eaten. I haven't ammonia. Wasn't acknowledged. Not acknowledged. Well, you didn't acknowledge. You think I'm that fucking st- I'm dumb. Yes. But I'm not that fucking

dumb. They're gonna- I'm stupid. But I'm not. I'm smart. I'm not that smart. Right? Yeah. Well, the other kid, like the Hillary supporters, their big argument is like, oh, you'd be exhausted if you're on the campaign trail for that long like what you have some problems like yeah this isn't even the beginning she's gonna be the president and she's going to she's walking around shaking hands and waving to people she's falling over in the street the president of the United States cannot fucking be dragged no

by her shoes and do a fucking car I'm sorry we're fucking we had whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo man. Man. And now, or two, he was in a wheelchair. That's fine. That's great. You can't fucking. We can't. I mean, Jesus.

I mean, it shows so much. Which, that, you know, it's crazy. I want, this is why I want her to be president too. I just want to get it over with. Please just elect the woman president. Get a Spanish one in there. Get a gay one. We don't need them all one after another kind of a thing. Get out of the black. We need a woman president, get a Spanish one in there, get a gay one. We don't need them all one after another kind of a thing.

Get them out of the way. We need a woman, we need this. Think about this entity. It's like, come on. Think about this, get them all the way now, and then in your 70s and 80s, you can go back to all white guys. Oh God, the country be ruined by then.

Selic? It's ruined. It's your head you don't talk right. Rune. By scheduling schedule. It'll be a ruin. Sounds like you're casting Saturday Night Live. Get them all out of the way. Get them all out of the way and get back to the funny people.

Yeah. Speaking of that, they say that this is the first Spanish cast member ever on SNL, right? What about Mauritio? Woman. Yeah, women. Oh, because they have Latina. They're calling.

Enough with the subcategories. That's what's divide in the country. How about who cares? That's why she is. That's why Trump's winning, because middle America is sick of all the political correctness. Yeah. In my opinion. And they just want someone to say the truth.

And not just, oh, this and that. Exactly and that's it's one of here someone say this is the way it is and okay is Hollywood really okay is Hollywood really going for the sake of minorities and women in the direction of minorities and women because it matters and it's the right thing to do or they doing it because this is the heartbeat of whatever the country, and this is what's selling right now. I think they think it is, but it's not. They will do anything that puts people's fucking asses in seats for their movies, and their

concerts, and buys their fucking records. That's what they'll do. And if it turns out that they realize that a majority of the country, a majority of the country are those basketball the deplorable that hill is talking about they will turn in a second and start dropping in bombs just to get people into the movie here's a thing and i was a thing i want to update your speech thank you nineteen eighty four

i don't use records records you know if you get people's asses in the seats for the records and the cassettes. Why are they wearing this? And the fucking... When you crank your Vectrola, it's gonna be these people, the... What the fuck? Yeah, me till you send records.

Records and tapes. And compact disc. We'll look at like the culture now like roast battle is one of the hottest tickets around and that's like against PC That's like like going for the the gut that's going for the kill me and a shit I've said yeah, yeah exactly and that's what's selling right now So to say that this PC culture is huge. I think that there's a big rebuttal again I was a blowback. Yeah, that's from it. Yeah, there's nothing funnier than making fun of races and right and and and other people and Fucking shit wrong with us mostly games. Yeah, well, it's fun people who say oh only punch up don't punch down or ruining comedy

Comedy is all about punching down. That's the whole point and they don't get the ridiculousness of something that's so crazy and obscene and wrong and why that's funny, like a rape joke or child molestation joke or shit like that. It's like no, there's no place for that in humor. It's like no, there is because the fact that you're saying it and putting it in a context like that makes it funny because it's so outrageous.

You're not joking about the rape. You're joking about talking about it in that context and people don't get that. They might as if a judge says it or a doctor or a comedian, it's put all in the same category. You can't be said, right? You can't have just Mexicans making Mexican jokes. It's not gonna be as funny.

You can't just have gay guys going, gay is a crazy, you can't. You can't, I mean, we should be able to fucking make fun of anybody we want. What is that, where does that leave white people mean yeah, we should be able to fucking make fun of anybody we want it What is that where does that leave white people? Oh, we went to the moon. Oh Look we built everything Yeah, it's not funny Don't forget apple

It's all right Trump's gonna expose that too. Yeah, the moon the moon thing. Oh, yeah, oh, we never went. He's gonna look. It's right here It's I'm gonna read these ads one oh nine 56 sweetie, but I should have you read one you're the fucking best You can't read it. Can you read it a A little bit of a call. I'm like glasses. Oh, yo, glasses. I need my glasses. I'm like Hillary, my shoes fell off. Listen, I'm tracking you. I forgot mine, that's where I'm trying to pass on.

Oh, you're right. I can't read anything. I'm shit. Hey, we spend on godly amounts of time on our daily commute. And the trouble is there, only so much of Robert Kelly to help you pass the time. All right, that is a problem. Yeah. People need more of me.

So when you find yourself on a gridlock freeway, get lost in audible books. He's like that kid in the school that you felt bad for when the teacher told the read aloud Read it. Okay, you read it. Oh, yeah, that was just fucking sponsor He says audible So to be will be jerking off of she reads I don't still get dirty on my ass I don't still get dirty on my ass. This is actually the only way I read books now too by, by the way, is Audible, you know. Well it's not reading.

It's not reading. It's not reading. It's not reading. It's not reading. It's not reading. You read by listening. You're not reading. Well because, look, I love a book.

I love holding it. I love people seeing me with one But I don't love I read as soon as I have two pages in I'm out. See you hold the book while you listen That's what they should do. They should do is fucking put the the audible Like a little thing when Trump's president now like a bouncing ball go along with the word Like a someone you find yourself a gridlock the freeway get lost in audible books whether it's a mystery a thriller a memoir best seller Audible can turn your commute into another world and I love this too because

All you have to do is download it. Download all your books or your shows, do your mobile device and listen while you carpool fly or on the train. I took the train from white planes the other day. I loved it. Braggard. 30 minutes. 30 minutes in the city. I'm at Grand Central. The best. Another 10 minutes, 15 minutes. I'm down at Springstreet, Apostle, it was great, I loved it. My new wolf pack, backpack that slides off of spins around. Come on, son. Aw, wait, you see this? I love your goods.

All right, I mean, it really does. I actually listen to audible.com on the train. Put my headphones in, because you know what, you know what I'm doing doing those seats with like, he's facing you and you, that shit seat that they invented. What the fuck is that seat?

Why? It's the worst. I don't want, first of all, he's got his bags in front of him. And I sit down, he hates me, because it's the only seat. Now I'm just staring at this fucking ginger. Shit dick from fucking, yonkers.

Shit dick. Shit dick. Anyways, I just put my headphones on and listen on all of the books. That's always the seat that the guys that were escaping from the POW camp had to sit and the Nazi officers were on the other side and they had to stare at him the whole time. Yeah, that was tough. You were bringing that up there on my fucking hours. That was a movie. It was like, what was it done? The greatest cake.

First of all, you saying Nazi, nobody wants to hear. Everybody's hair goes up. Even Keith has dropped the fucking iPad. Not again! Okay, just set the word. I'm Steve McQueen movie. With an unmatched selection of audio books, original audio shows, news comedy,

Audible is your best source for traffic and entertainment. Audible app, it's got a great app to, makes listening a breeze with features like chapter navigation and narration speed control. You can even share your favorite audio excerpts with your friends. How do you like that? Maybe you could share a book together, baby.

That does lovely. Chapter two, mine comp. Yeah. Audible members have access to the original all these shows. Short stories, add free podcasts. That's good. How does this shit? That's a fucking weird thing to say.

News, comedy and more. Are you listening to anything we should check out on Audible? Well, do you know what Tweet them? And they'll actually look into it and suggest it. Include hashtag. Now, if you listen to this right now, all you have to do is go I love audio-audible.com. I love the YKWD and hashtag Audible Kelly, KELY-Y. Hashtag Audible Kelly, do that.

Make sure you get to them, anything you want. Join Audible today and explore the world's leading provider of audio books. It's not a 30-day trial and download your first Audible book for free. So here we go for free, and your 30-day trial for free, go to audible.com slash Kelly. To get started. That's audible.com slash Kelly for a free 30-day trial at audiobooks. Audio, audio, yeah go there right now check it out. Kelly is the code word slash Kelly for a free 30 day trial at audiobooks. Audio, audio, yeah go there right now. Check it out, Kelly is the code word slash Kelly. Here's another one, do you want to read this one?

I love to. Do you like football? Love it. Do you really? No. No. I can read, I can have like a deal. Listen, you should have acted the whole way.

And then later when I don't like football. I really do love football. Do you love football? So much. Do you love the men? Love the men. Do you love the tights? And the tights. Do you love football? So much. Do you love the men? Love the men. Do you love the tights? And the tights.

Do you love the ball? Love those balls. No, it's singular. I mean, singular. It's one ball. Do you love the ball? That's what you're doing. I lost a nut.

There you go. Check that out, sweetie. Oh my god, I'm so excited. Me too. At draftkings.com, you don't need to come in first place to cash in. The player who finished 800 in week one's biggest fantasy football contest to call 100 bucks.

This weekend, DraftKings is hosting another huge fantasy contest with over $1 million in total prizes up for grabs. Really good so far. Yeah, are you doing? Traff kings. Yeah. Not really sad. Traff kings is the destination for one week fantasy football.

One week fantasy means no season long commitments. Pay whenever you want with the players you want. Just pick your contest, draft your team, and follow the action live. We've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... we've... This is the call to action. No, call to action. Don't wait, get to draftkings.com now, and choose your players for this weekend's contest. Enter promo code Kelly and play for free with your first apartment. That's promo code Kelly to play free

for your share of over $1 million in total prizes because weekend, only at draftkings.com. Draftkings.com. eligibility restrictions may apply. See you on the stick for the camera. Woo! I love you. I love you.

I rose the paper like Letterman. I want you. That would be the most adorable. Adorable way for someone to start a gambling addiction. I'm the cast of the beginning right there. People let me do that. I love you guys. Thank you for doing it. My tour is out out right now robbercatalive.com or the laugh button.com. They are sponsoring my tour

We start out this weekend in Vermont me and Starvost We're going to Vermont. We're gonna Boston. We're gonna eerie. We're gonna Pittsburgh. We're gonna Cleveland We're gonna Chicago and inapolis, Tallahassee, Gainesville, Tampa all the Tala Hasse, Gainesville, Tampa, all the fuck. And they're watching the DC, we're out! The true story towards Oppa, my website right now, we're gonna be bringing t-shirts and posters and all kinds of crazy shit. We're gonna be doing live videos every day on Facebook with the Mevo camera. A lot of shit's gonna be happening.

So make sure you go to my website, look at where I'm gonna be, buy your tickets, tell your friends, let's sell this shit out before I even head out the door. And also if you wanna be a member of the, you know what dude, premium membership, this week we're actually putting up the creeps with kids. I'm getting that to you, so we get that behind the premium.

That was one of the funniest fucking shows I've ever done. We did a show, Cruisers Kids, me, Lewis Gomez, Jim Florentine, Bonnimic Fond, hosted by Bennington and his daughter. Oh my God. And then we did, we all did stand up, which was awesome. And then fucking, he's a heckley. Bennington goes up, does a panel with us on parenting.

Some of the fucking most evil fucked up, funny shit. Bonnie McFarlane is a, oh my God. Holy shit funny. He's a bad guy. And it's going up for all the premium members behind the paywall. This week I got a one on one coming up.

We got these coming up that's going behind the paywall. I'm doing this new series called one on one again with the Meevo camera behind the paywall. How do you become a member? Download the app. Robert Kelly live. Robert Kelly live. You know what do it app? You know what do it app for Android and iOS and Meevo camera.

I'll tell you a sec, it's fucking amazing. And you join 1.99. That's it. It's not fucking like 7.99, like some of these other fucking networks. That's charge of fucking shitload for one Joe. That's it. It's not fucking like 799 like some of these other fucking networks That charge a fucking shitload for one Joe. That's just crazy Sorry, I don't have a free studio You could have Tired until this is so just come over here do it here

You're face on the wall Obviously you're saving money on not having any air conditioning in your throat. We have one. We have one. What did it mean? That could have been fucking three K's of it instead of an R. Nothing, nothing. I would have no two.

I would have thought you were mad. I would have thought you were mad. I would have thought you were mad. I would have thought you were mad. I would have thought you were mad. I would have thought you were mad. Hey, K's got nervous again. You jolted.

Listen, relax. Join them. Yeah, join them. I said, one night and listened, relax. Join them, yeah, join them, I was like, one night nine a month. Join up, that's it, you get all this, all every show on the backlog that's for you, all the new stuff we put up, premium members only, but if you can't afford it,

I get it, 10 episodes, always free. You'll always get the latest 10, no charge. There you go. All right, let's get back to this. We're gonna run a half-out left, man. Do you did the Brennan thing tonight? Yes, that was a pisser. I want to fund. What happened? Well, a tell came up and then they auctioned off some girl.

Right astounding. Three guys come up and they did a dating game for what's her name? What was her name Keith uh... manana manana manana manana yeah they kind of uh... you know plunge her off on one of the guys came up really kind of funny yeah one guy was a mexican the other guy was uh... uh... john steward his name was he wasn't the john steward but he was john steward that comes out my house and plays poker all time uh... so he's a friend of mine and then uh then another guy was just some jullard named Mark.

Right. And then, yeah, she picked the Mexican guy, which was weird. Why? He was kind of, you know, he was really Mexican. What the fuck does that mean? Well, it looked like you look at him and go, that's an apron on. That's an accent.

Yeah. They have a backpack a weed. Yeah, one of those things was, he was blowing leaves away. Yeah, there's one donkey. We have a backpack a weed He was blowing Yeah, there's one donkey buck rod triggers with the rocket pack on it Yeah, it was really Mexican what the fuck I love it. What does that mean? We have a mustache that didn't connect I was going to... You know, they'll have fun. It was great.

Tell us, fucking brilliant. Well, you know, it's the show, I mean Kevin's a fucking lunatic. Oh yeah. I love that podcast. Well, it's a good look at man. Here's the, I told them tonight, I go, let me tell you something. I, everything, the name, the fucking song, the photo, the fucking, I did ad, I fucking saw you mumbling on a fucking hallway. And I went, you Lenny, this is it, this is the name, here's everything, I did it all.

I made you! And it's like, I'm a fucking comic, and I'm better than you. I'm more successful, I'm doing, and I still help you. And then I took all my fans and said, go listen to you, you fuck, I'm Dr success. I'm doing and I still help you and then I took all my fans and said go listen to you you fuck I'm Dr. Frankenstein You did you told me in fill you like you got listen to this. Yeah, I promote it all the time and Like the guy to put my kid and add dog together. I look at I like Lenny and him and I think look at the same shit happened with me with Nobles Park guest too comedy live from the comedy cell he wanted to call it Knights of the Roundtable I was like no What the fuck does that mean I go it's live from the comedy from the

Renison's table live from the table. Yeah, is the name of the show that's it and that was I did that show first and I So no you have to do it And then Dan Adam and then Kristen, I had, you know, I had Big J replaced Noem on that. He quit that fucking show 19 times the first year. He was like, I don't wanna do it, fucking stinks. Oh no. And then it became part, no, quit it. Just didn't wanna do it.

I had Big J host, I had a talk fucking Kristen and Dan off the ledge every week. It was fucking nuts. And I'm, I had a talk fucking Kristen and Dan off the ledge every week. It was fucking nuts. And I'm a comic. I mean, this is what I do. This is what I'm a comic. This is what I do to help you, fucks. I'm doing this to help you.

You fuck. How did the fucking help you? Bobby's a comic. So, I end up a slash. So, an audible pitchman. So So audible pitchman It's just funny to me when you go to somebody you like dude. I want to do this. What do you think? They're like fucking yeah, they're so yeah, huh? And then two months in once people once these people stop liking the show

They just fucking turn that Do we need for shot the fuck I'm looking at a little too, but that's no show though I'm I know it is a show actually show, but here's the thing he goes We're fuck I go to you not even number four on this network. Oh He's yet I go and I have the numbers and I'll bring him up right now You're pulling some serious XM shit. I got fucking no fucking numbers fuck you. You know stern shut up But there's a thing if you listen to his show He says the meanest shit in the world, but then he read it to any fucking softens it with something

You know say that's what people go once his name calls me dude. He's trashin you. I don't care Do you hear what you said about you on Twitter? I'll I never look I have a three-year-old I'm trying to make it in this business. My show is canceled. I don't care what Kevin said. I could give a fuck what he said, and eight other people liked, suck it. Cause I get him.

I get him, but look, fucking whatever. How'd you hear about the show? What's up? I like who told you. How about what's up? Like who told you about what show? The show being cancelled. Oh, um, actually, Larry called me enough A message and then Srebriko called me. So it's Larry called all the cast.

Srebriko has to call everybody else. Yeah, it was a look. It wasn't a it wasn't like what? We got great. We were we did like the first year we came out, we broke all the fucking three day, nine day numbers. We were killing it. And then the second year, you know, I was telling them, I told them the first,

first of all, it's the summer. The fuck's staying on a Thursday. Oh guys, let's go, it's not in 1952. Let's go. Sex and drugs and rock and roll zone guys, and people gather around a TV. Yeah. That show we can't in 1952 though.

What's that? 1952, that show would be amazing. It's on right after I love losing. So number, but I told them number one, the first week, mass shooting, Thursday night. Second week, fucking terrorists takes a truck and takes a bunch of people out on the fucking. Oh, these the episodes, no wonder it was cancer. That was the next week. The week after that Trump speaks. Oh, the week after that Hillary

speaks, we got to that the Olympics. It's like, fuck you. Just can't get a birthday night. That our time slot. It's I'm I'm not even watching the fucking show And I'm watching Trump talk and like what the fuck yeah anyways, it is what it is FX is such a solid network. They they give us every opportunity and they really push the show halfway through They were like we need to and they put Dennis and Corbett out there and, you know, that's a lot of ads, yeah. Yeah, so whatever dude, onward and upward, right? Yeah, more shit than what was happens.

You go, ah, it's a folk shit, and then something else comes in. Yeah, right. There was a lot of shit that I couldn't do because I was on the show too, so, who the fuck knows. Yeah, it was definitely hit you though. You know what I mean? It's like, almost like like I even have a hunger I haven't had a hunger pain in five years literally I don't I've never been hungry no what's not like being fired from your job I have no fucking clue

wait you're fired from a job oh you mean twice. Yeah, I know what it feels like. It's not a hundred paying either. Yours was the bullets. That was pretty much it. It's a white as a hundred of pains. Feel like I'm fucking shoveled today. That's what it felt like. Did it really?

Oh, dude, okay. Here's the deal. You go through all the shit the last time. You go through the shit, you do all the thing, right? And then the next day, they call you. Now you get the can the next day. Oh, I didn't get a call. I got a fucking email left to 10 years.

Oh yeah, we're not, we're your fire. I had to call them and go, really a fucking email, you can't, really. Yeah, that was pretty much it. Okay, but you hang, or you get, you email you can't really yeah that was pretty much it so okay But you hang are you get you say you can't fuck you bum bum Yeah, then you hang up the phone. You're alone right yeah, what's your Object of the email? The subject

Black woman time square You could know something like I think I tried to spin it positively like you could sleep late I think I tried to spin it positively like you could sleep late I could sleep late Don't get up so early anymore When it dark closes Look in the sand see those footprints that's when he was carrying you because you were drunk tweeting You and we you drunk tweeting Carry you and will you into bed?

Let me ask a question though. I really want to know this yeah, so then you're alone and you're fucking as your president was you're fired Yes I really I mean did did it did it get emotional? Or was it anger anger Anger, anger. It's a lot of anger. And I don't know how you do it without drinking. Because the first thing you do, first thing I've done every time I've been called the fire is fucking, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Since I got off the dang cook tour Since I got off that G5 I've been fucking stuff in my fat face

I've got holy shit. Yeah, yeah You start you know you pound a few down sit there mumbling under your breath. Yeah fuckers It's cocks of fuck and you know you that's what you do and then you kind of Lay down do you go through the anger like is usually go through anger and then the next thing is regret and fear now just a anger the whole time really never changed to denial or anything it just stayed anger

that was it i was very angry at uh... the people involved uh... and then you know keep came around is like hey you got that studio in the basement what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, I need a bigger boat in a bigger house. Let's do this But yeah, that was it and I'm like yeah, you know you're right Get moving. Have you once you start doing something all that other shit goes away? Yeah, I get dead. I want you hit that creativity. Yeah, and it's not mouse Because I tell you I've been I've been working on something else telling them earlier I've been working on something for two months now a little over two months and it's not mouse. That's right. I tell you, I've been working on something I was telling them earlier.

I've been working on something for two months now, a little over two months, and it's a fucking hard process. And I'm kind of, you know, and it's the creativity of it. And just so the people I'm working with, it's like, I'm learning so much shit that I've never learned. It was like, it's the hardest shit ever to go to kind of, you know, have a rebirth, you know, of something like, you know, writing and starting something from the scratch with people you respect. And now we're at this point and it's like, I had to learn,

I kept failing and failing and then getting better and then there was something else I had to learn, I'd fail and stank and getting better and then there was something else I had to learn, I had fail and stank and get better and... That's new shit, it's exciting, it's scary, it's all new thing and then you fucking in something else and all of a sudden a couple of years go by and you're like, I've been doing this for a while, it's cool. Everything comes to an end. It's what happens, yeah everything. And the thought of it is a lot worse than the actual event, like because when I was working

over there at O&A, I would think like, you know, like you just said, everything comes to an end. I'm trying to imagine like, oh, fuck that, it's suck. And you actually get anxiety thinking about it. And then when it happens, it sucks and you do. You go through these phases, it just being pissed or whatever. But it's not as bad as how you projected it to be when you're just thinking about it. And you're in that situation, so you could either sink or swim.

So you got to do something. And you know, you're in that situation so you can either sink or swim yeah you gotta do something right and you know you realize there's plenty of opportunities out there yeah there is there I mean it's not exactly what it was something different like have you been fired for something like McDonald's I have been fired yeah no I was a security guard at the met you the Metropolitan Museum of art. I'm the common dog. I was protected. I protected the Picasso's and the David Bowie exhibit. I was actually I was in the Picasso area where you're a lot of the time. Yeah, the internationalist Bobby on the second floor. You motherfucker. You got me. No, get your finger off your chin.

OK. Stop contemplating. So at the Met, for the first three months, it's before you're in the union. So they're really watching you for those first three months. And they always told me not to look at my cell phone. It's boring there because you're there for fucking nine hours and like one or two rooms all day and they just kept catching me on my cell phone.

So you got fired for checking your tweet. What were you doing? I was just looking at my phone all the time. What was on it? What was so fucking awesome on your phone? Dude, I was in like a tapestry exhibit, right? Oh, so the lights are dark. tapestry exhibit right so white our dark it's dark I sure from that exhibit this is the third shirt I tried on Sam and his the fiercest fish in the sea just the Indian yeah he he drew that blood on a wall on the head. Oh god.

I didn't even tell me that. The O'Flaher. The great hockey player. Oh, nice. Yeah, nice. That made sense. Oh, wow. Yeah, that was it.

Let's drop in some notes. Here's the bomb band dinner. Wow. Don't feel bad for him. This is cool. I know what. I'm going to do this. The first time.

So go ahead. You got fired for that. Yeah, so I was in the tapestry room. It's really dark in there. It's tapestry. And it's dark. And I was like, you can't really stay awake so I would look at my phone and like a couple weeks previous to that they were like if you

look at your phone again you're in trouble basically. I just leave your phone in your locker because I don't really want to work there either. You know like they brought me they brought me into the office right and the guy was like he kind of tried to give me an out like, Hey, like, I was like you when I first started here. And he's like the head of security now. And like, he tried to make me like be like, No, please, I'm sorry.

And I was like, I get it. And then I just, they like walked me out. You couldn't hear them coming like, like, foot steps in a big old dude. No. Did the tapestry absorb the stuff. There's also there's also cameras all over. Why don't you do a Thomas crown and just take a photo of you standing there and put it up there. There's a

little glitch every so long. His hand goes like that. I think he's on his phone. He's a beard never grows. Just get you guys that look like you to walk around with it. It seems like a lot. Yeah, I'm just the look of your phone. It's like hell to be that museum. I loved it. It's a great, it's an awesome museum. And it was fine to just like learn about that shit for a little bit. But I couldn't work there for much longer.

It was brutal. Yeah, it's just in the tapestry. What a fuckers you. They moved you around. They moved you around, but in the tapestry room, there was also a room where they had old furniture from like, and that was those rooms were dark too. There was a chair you couldn't sit on the whole time. Yeah.

Yeah. Dick Van Dyck saw this chair. You're saying, I'm a security guard. You insult me. But old ladies are security guards there like it's not like they just need people in the rooms i don't know if i insult the joy made fun of you i think there's a difference yeah if you're retarded i went the the that's kind of i'm saying like i don't

look like an imposing security guard but everybody was a security guard you do you look like you could be imposing like an apple. Thank you. What's happening? I can look at my phone there. You should get a job there. Yeah, I mean security at the museum isn't like being a bouncer to bar where there's going to be big problems.

So you do have to drag somebody out of the mess. Yeah, that is. Alright, get the fuck out. Literally all I had to do was not look at my phone. And you couldn't. No, I couldn't just hang out. That was it. What do they pay? What does the security guard make there? Oh my God man

It was a few years ago so I had it's hard to remember but it was like terrible It was like it's something like I want to say like 12 to 15 dollars an hour Oh It's not and then they take taxes out and you think of free every Monday You can actually go free whenever. What? It's a donation system. Cheap out.

Would you like to see the tapestry room? I think that we're going to tap us. I'll take that. You have been fired. I've been fired a bunch of times. I've been fired. It's such easy. How you get him?

No, yeah, of course. He doesn't get fired. It's easy. I've never been fan of you. I'm not a fan of you. I'm not a fan of you. I'm not a fan of you. I'm not a fan of you. I'm not a fan of you. I'm not a fan of you. I'm not a fan of you.

I'm not a fan of you. I'm not a fan of you. I'm not a fan of you. I'm not a fan of you. I'm not a fan of you. What? Too shaked. You got me back for all the time again. I said about you, it's still a big shirt. I think the biggest firing I got was at Wade Gunderson's car. Don't know him, don't vouch for him. When I worked at the Metrupool in Pittsburgh was a big nightclub and I used to take a lot

of acid and one time my manager was like, you look, what's going on? I just took a bunch of acid. And then next week I wasn't on the schedule. Really? Yeah, but I've been fired a bunch of times. I mean, there's all kinds of, well, all in one day one time I got fired. My girlfriend broke up with me and I was been fired a bunch of times. I mean there's all kinds of all in one day one time I got fired my girlfriend broke up with me and I was not good jailed And he was in on acid as well

You and jail yeah, but it was a misunderstanding There's no it everybody in jail I'm innocent lawyer fuck me I'm innocent lawyer fuck me Basically what happened was a homeless guy kind of attacked my buddy. So we we what you tweet about it No, we then so basically like we kind of rough them up a little bit and then like the liberal lady in a a window was like oh my god you're like hurting this guy. Sounds like a play. Yeah. So the lady in the window. You're a window right? So I had a, and so I was in jail for a couple days so I wasn't at work. So then I got fired from that job. Wow. That was a bagel job and a bagel shop. So it wasn't the career.

Sounds like a fucking great job to me. It was a great job because so many hot chicks would come like for coffee in the morning. It was pretty cool. Yeah. That's what about you, sweetie girl? I've never been fired for a job, but I haven't gotten a lot of jobs that I've wanted. And I've, you know, and I quit a lot of jobs,

but I've never been fired. Never been fired from a job What was your last job? Baby sitting. Oh, I love you to me my babysitter We babysit for me sometime Yes, I'm a husband. I have a husband. Do you do it together? Oh, yes I would love for you to Chrissy

Chrissy and Jordan. Chrissy and Bananaana. Ah! F**k it. Part of me thinks that you weren't murder babies that you. Yeah. It shows up in a diaper and a mat. It's actually hot wheel bed. It's so good to just jerk it off with a diaper.

My dick's just flipping off the side of the diaper a lot. I've done a ton of like nanny in the city for years. Yeah, of course you do. Did the dads ever hit on you? No, I get asked that a lot. No, they have. Why not? You're a fucking nanny and you have the Sesame Street Boys. That's good.

That's the quickest interview ever. No, no. Have you interview ever. I know. Have you ever? I know. Why do you want a nanny? Why do I want? Higher. Higher. Fuckin' that.

Say, fuck it. 150kbh month of your fucking voice. Have you been fired? I might have been fired once or twice, but I'm pretty good about seeing the writing on the wall and I quit Like I see it coming and I just like stop. Oh really? You've never been fired though. I'm fired maybe once or twice. He's still the tapestry on the wall People you haven't fired? Yeah, I was doing a small-scale construction gig for one summer and I

I just showed up high a lot and one time the leader was like the The leader? The leader? The leader? The leader? Fuckin' Indian people. The leader. I mean, the leader. The former?

The former? It was his business. We stopped making everything dungeons and dragons. I mean Maharaji. The salt in the sand. He got 12 arms. The leader. You were just...

He just said, you were just... He just said, you were just... He just said, you were just... He just said, you were just... The salt in the salt Be get 12 arms Delidair You were just he just he just goes to someone else and he goes like you see how I Redis eyes are you see how red eyes are and then I just never got called back for what did you do? It was like so I was like an assistant to like these other guys that were building sets for like corporate events for like Samsung and Like fashion like we were built like we build a lot of runways These other guys that were building sets for corporate events, for like Samsung and fashion. We built a lot of runways and backgrounds for events like that. It was a pretty cool gig, but yeah.

Just fired. What about you? You were all back. I almost got fired at my previous job because I worked in sales and I wasn't making my goal and I literally just talked to my boss out of firing me. I was like, you know know it's all right. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I I'll give you one more shot.

I saw him looking at porn. He actually got fired a couple of months later because he was like addicted to porn and everyone in the office like all the women will catch him watching porn on his computer. I was supposed to watch. That's a fucking stock market. catch him watching porn on his computer. He's supposed to watch. Oh whatever. That's a fucking stop-mogget. Yeah. Oh well, I guess I have been fired. What a fucking shit.

What happened there? No, did you ever have it like just a regular shitty job that you got fired? I've never been fired from a job. I mean, I worked with the juveniles, I worked at a lumber yard, I worked at a delivery flower, as I worked at a tiny restaurant, I worked with the men's delivery area.

You quit all these jobs? I quit them all. I had, I mean, I never got fired ever. Ever, one time, this guy, I had tax problems in high school. What do you have tax problems? What? What? Like TACS?

I don't know, I just... Like no one has a fucking... I don't know what that is. I just got... I don't know, I just got... I had jobs, you know. You're probably didn't file your working papers, right? I worked at a styrofoam factory, making, I would make half styrofoam balls with a mental

retarded guy. I mean this guy with Downs in him. He'd make one ball, half, and I'd make the other half. And then we give it to a Mexican lady and she'd go on to get it. I feel like that guy has the same exact story. He's not the first guy to use that line, but it's still brilliant. I know. I went down and I woke up with the guy.

He's a fucking idiot. Wow, you know the methe re-totter guy was my boss. He was my boss. Holy shit. So we would go in. Hold on to you. 17. OK. Yeah, it was 16.

No way. 16. Yeah, 17. I was back in high school. And I would go to school for two classes a day. You made two left sides. It was a sphere asshole. Turn it around.

Turn it around. You may have left right. We need top bottom. So, and I remember the guy who owned the company was his old Jewish guy, Mr. Goldberg. And he was like, Bobby, I need you to come in on Wednesday and stay late because Christmas is coming and we need more ornamentals. Stye from business picks up during the holiday. I love it. I can see that. So we would have...

So wait a minute, this whole company was comprised of a Jew, a retard, a Mexican in you. Yeah, it's a new show coming out of fucking Congliz Central. That's what he made Joe Lister writing. It's the remake of Undatables. It's called Tax Problems. It's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it Hanukkah. Okay. No, so he would make a ball. I would make a ball. And then we would give the ball to this little Mexican. Somehow the IRS shows up. Well, I made all this money. The INS. I made all this money. I made all this money. I made all this money. I made

this money. And I didn't. I made per ball. The Jews very lucrative, yeah. I made all that, I made this money and I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't hate per ball. I didn't hate it. The Jews don't just control Hollywood, they control Star Wars for a ball. So I made this money and I remember I wanted a mole pad in my whole life. Sure. And I didn't have enough money to buy a new mole pad, like a, the new ones. I had enough money to buy the older Mo-Ped

with the pedals called the motorbakein. I was like the first Mo-Ped. And everybody was talking me out of dude, just wait and you know, don't get this. He's old and I was like, I gotta hang it. And I had my old foster father, Ken Lazarus, another true guy. He was my foster father, love the death.

Still love. He drove me to get this fucking moment That was the moment they're like, you know the fucking one person seat and the pedals you could pedal it But you really couldn't pedal it cuz it weighed 700 pounds Do like three pedals and then just tip over right? Oh my god. I remember I took it they seized this thing Well, what happened was see your ass that I also was working at grossment bargain outlet and I would I would You know flats flats tack the art so you go in and all the two by force people picking at them all day

Get all fucked up you go back and fucking perfectly flat stack the whole thing and So I went there and I showed everybody my, and then I went to an AA meeting, had my Tuesday night and I was going up from Maulden into Melrose and the thing fucking clunks out. So I get it to a gas station, I'm like, I don't know what's going on. I'm bummed out and they're like,

well you can leave it here for tonight and I go to my meeting, I get it right home. Next day I call up, I go, I'm coming to pick it up today. They're like, look, it fell over last night after you left. And I go there, the engine blocks cracked. It would have cost me a thousand dollars to fix that $250,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 meetings. Yeah, two jobs, IOS. You got a fucking tractor that you're calling a mo-ped. Jesus Christ, Bobby. So I'm literally, I'm not even kidding you.

I was so fucked up. I'm a year and a half sober, a two-year-so. I'm fucking losing my mind. I just work so hard making these balls. Oh. Oh, that's terrible. They worked really good, retarded Mexican. So I, so I called AARP.

I see if they can do anything for me. I remember I came home and I locked myself in my room and I was I was gonna kill myself I was oh my god. I was Yeah, cuz it's all I had and I had I was I was literally Flipping out crying and what the fuck I can't catch a break I'm trying to do the right thing I fucking work and I'm not drinking. I'm not using dry I'm just to myself and then I'm hanging I'm literally hanging out the window and I'm just to myself. And then I'm hanging, I'm literally hanging out the window. And I barricaded myself into my mother comes in.

She's like, she pushes, she goes, Bobby, Bobby. And she's like, it's the second floor, you're only gonna get hurt. Oh no! Oh, shit. I literally just broken arm. I would have never died. I would have to literally dove out headfirst.

Wouldn't it be ironic if you fell into a big box of those stars? Nothing happened to you. Fucking balls. And then the guy came out. I knew you were going to do it. So, wait, where did the tax problems come from? I'm getting to that. So now I made this money and then all of a sudden I get this bill. I owe the government taxes that I just didn't pay because I think the styrofoam guy off the books.

Some weird shit or he didn't, I don't know, I just didn't do what I was supposed to do. Now I owe this fucking money and I think I got money from the girl, I don't know, I just didn't do what I was supposed to do. Now I owe this fucking money, and I think I got money from the girl. I don't know what happened. But I owed this money, and then my art teacher, her friend, was this bald, like, dark to fill looking guy, that lived way out in the suburbs on a cul-de-sac, on a river, or a lake. Like he had money, beamer, you know, like that mid-range money, like, you know, will you live?

Yeah. It's like, those people are rich. You guys aren't fucking multi-millionaires, but you're probably millionaires. You're comfortable, yeah. Thousandaires, right? You know what I mean? They have millions, but they can't get to it right now

if they needed to. Right. I'm not liquid. It's not liquid. This guy was like, well, I can help you with that. How much was it? I don't know. Say it was $500.

Okay. Which, dude, at that time of my life was a million dollars. I could be a friend to you. So he's like, I can help you. You know. Yeah, I can help you. You know, I can help you. You gotta come work for me at my ball factory. Funny. I said, okay, and he was like,

I thought he was gonna call somebody at the IRS. He just wanted me to do like yard work. And he was gonna pay it for me. So he wound up paying it off for me. And then I owed him this yard work. But after he paid it, I was like, fuck, I'm like, yeah, fuck you then. So I brought, I lived with Ken Lass at the time. Now I'm living with Ken Lass. By the time I have to go do this yard work. And I have a Puerto Rican foster brother named Camelo Sanchez. So I bring Camelo with me. So me in this

point he's like, Bobby, I don't want to do your work. I mean, he is fucking just, you know, doing my nails, Camelo Sanchez, I'm discombobulated. I don't want to go. It's this little such word is discombobulated. It is. Look at up in a dictionary. Discombobulated. That's what I am right now. I was, so he came with me and we're sitting there doing it. We had to do this, but he had like massive fucking shit that should be done with like a bobcat.

And I got me and his Puerto Rican doing it. And we're dying and we've taken breaks every 10 seconds. We're fucking the shanty mo pet was broken. He comes up with a snake.'s like boy I got a snake right put that down he's like why I don't know what to we eat tonight well how much did you actually owe the the IRS I don't know I forget I would say anyway 500 to a thousand alright something overwhelming at that stage you

feel this guy got more work out of you than that about me? I really fucked this guy. I really fucked this guy, dude. We left and just didn't come back. And then he called me up because you still owe me work. And I was like, all right, and we went back one day and it was so uncomfortable there. Because all right, and we went back one day and it was so uncomfortable there

Because we you know, he was and we did it and then I was like, you know what dude? I'm only a fucking two years out of jail. I'm two years out of jail. This guy this kid's going back to jail next week We just left We never went back sound like it was trying to use you. Yeah, it was weird man. That man became the president of FX All right, listen, we got to wrap this fucker up Um, I mean what a great show. That was awesome. I was fun Bobby. That was a good time. I love her God dammit. I wish you liked me sexually. I know she does it because when she hugs me, she hugs me like a sweaty uncle.

No, you're not my sweaty uncle. You'd be like a uncle. She's doing new face things too, I don't know. People with anything in the chat, are we good? We good? We got a couple things. uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... people we got anything in the chat are we good uh... we're good uh... we got a couple things i could sir uh... latina legend says well bobby was technically laid off as a son

uh... uh... wow that's her right now we have a word show at the end i I think that we'll write that one down. Chat of the year. Son of a bitch.

That was a good one. Yeah, you're right. That was laid off a few times. Go ahead. Pantataki says, I bet Tom Cassidy keeps his band-aids in his wallet where his condoms should go. Ha! Ha!

Shut up, it's funny. Don't do it. Don't do your fucking. I'm just trying to figure out the joke it doesn't matter Nerdist we laugh that's all that matters you fucking alternative fuck face from Not alternative at all. I know it was a joke there Okay, what else you got under 10% says it all fill apart after Patrice died I Think he was referring to the story when the

trees died. I think it was referring to the story when Anthony left ONA. Yeah, kind of error at all. That's what he was saying. You know, it's it's weird to look at I was you know, because Norton is you know, Norton and Oby and you I mean I sit there today and I told Norton I'm like, look man, you guys you three fuckers did you you put this amazing shit together. You three together, I don't give a fuck what? You fucking queers, say about each other, you know, whatever. You three together, whatever fucking worst shit, resentments and shit that built up from not communicating.

You guys, that show was, too, you guys were climbing Stern. That's why it lasted for 20 years. You guys, you guys fucking, we were selling out, we had the best comics on the fucking earth. On a show, at the same time, in front of thousands of people, doing pre-pchos, doing fucking football shit, having a blast, making money.

And we did some of the funniest fucking radio ever recorded on the fucking history of this planet for the rest of time. Yeah, that's it. And that's it. That's it. Like we said, things end. Things end. You know, it's cool though.

There's a little kind of a thing, Hillary, one of our campaign ads, it just came out just before we came. Someone tweeted that. Yeah, she's using ONA clip in one of our fucking ads. It's Donald Trump on a phone interview with us talking about Hades, he doesn't change diapers and that women should change the diapers. Right. And it's a fucking Hilary ad. No shit. Our show. That's fun. I'm like, I was like, I was like, I'm gonna. And it's a fucking Hillary ad. No shit. Our show. That's crazy. I'm like, I was laughing at my ass.

That's amazing. You're gonna fucking think it's just more ridiculous. If you guys were smart, right? This is what you would do. Everything this year, whatever happens, we're gonna talk about. Right. Everything goes, and then in a year from now,

you guys get back together. Get the band back together. We all go back on the fucking show, right? Like, boss, me, we get all of us. And some of the new guys, not all of them. I don't know. I'll let you make that decision. And we fucking go and tear it up for two more years.

Two more years. And then we take over the universe again. Because that time Politically, Chris will be out. Yeah, right? We have Trump come in on the first show Right, and then we tore the country just do in the most awful fucked up horrific Pulitzer correct Every yes and we bring her I dumped gone and you start fucking Two more years two more! Two more years! Two more years! Two more years!

Alright, so check it out, man. Let's go to the room. It's been a great show. Number one, make sure you go download the apps, Android or iTunes. iTunes, Robert Kelly, you know what, dude, app. That's right, baby. And if you want to mail something to the studio, what do you got? 117 McDougal Street, zip 1-0012. Did you read? Yep, sorry. Oh, you're good. What is that? What is I want to thank? What the fuck is it? It's a shirt. Yeah, it's a shirt. Yeah, it's right here.

Okay, I want to thank this. We'll read that. Matt Goldstein. Yeah. Bobby and friends, let me first apologize for my three-year-old serial killer handwriting. That's all right. I love the show and your guests give us that you have on a regular basis. I listen and shit shower and shave while I listen and close our two shirts for my podcast website. I do reviews, news, interviews, and geeky nature. Thanks again for all that you do, McEltsy. Hey, do McEltsy, thanks for the shirt. Pretty bad shirt. You want the other shirt? Is it for you? Not that one, the other shirt ha ha pretty pretty good I'll take you not that one the other one try it on I'll take you one you don't want it I want it I think you want it you're not I like it yeah I will look at it okay

do you will fit you this guy tweeted at me he asked my size so I think this is my size yeah is that for you? Yeah, me. Can we get a Matt Gassett, I'm gonna for long, she wants one. And scope. She wants, and no, he wasn't here, messed it out. I want to thank you very much for the shirt, man. I'm actually gonna wear this, I love this shirt.

Speaking of that, I got two story shirts coming out. I got all kinds of shit for this tour. Go to robacadolive.com and check out the tour. It's coming to you. Go to laugh button, check it out there. What else we got? All the shit is from fans, by the way. You want to send something in, mail it in.

We get it. What else? If you want to come in and be a guest and watch us here in the studio, just email ykwdproducer at rycast.com and we'll get back to you. Yeah, and send TITPIX to... Hi. You can do like a WD producer

And you're dick pics and if you want you want you learn one's dick pics Listen stop sending them to me Because I can't not look and then I can't not go back and look again Some of your dicks are fucking amazing. I don't even understand Some of your dicks are fucking amazing. I don't even understand how a fucking dick, how it holds, I don't even know the weight of it. I don't get it. I'm lonely, I love it, keep them coming, thank you. Dick paints to her, not me, stop sending them to me, producer.

I don't want them because I fucking can't not look at them. And it's fucking, some of you have weird dicks. Get the vein check. look at him and it's fucking some of your weird dicks get the vane check the vane shouldn't be that big on one side there's a clog yeah that might be some I don't know anyway what do you got brother at the end September 29th October 1st I produce a festival in Atlanta every year called Red Clay Comedy Festival we actually have a Joe List is gonna be on it Colin Quinn's one of the headliners I hear the fucking problem with this. I what the fuck with me.

What the fuck every festival doesn't have Bob Kelly on it. We're gonna have you next year. Fuck your neck. I always wind up when it's dead. No more laminates. The swag is dead. The first year. This is the research and then we're gonna be big from now on but they're a lot of great comments I get all I got by get all these young comment Joe list dance allie look and they always fucking sprout out People listen to my show then they go and then they wind up on festivals and everywhere And I'm fucking sitting here doing a podcast having a promoter Colin Quinn he's got one leg! Yeah, well, we're gonna hobble them right up there.

What's a festival again? Red Clay Comedy Festival. What's a red clay mean? It's an Atlanta, so it's red clay is like a Georgia. Oh, I didn't know it. It's like a dirt known, yes. Red Clay Comedy.com. Where are the venues?

It's over five different venues, Buckhead Theater, Relapse Theater. We're all so partnered with a, we're doing music. I'm fucking love Relapse. It's unbelievable. I love me Gary Gomen did the festival one year. Yeah. Who but what was that festival? It was the Atlanta comedy festival something?

No, I'm gonna be in Skull. Yeah. That guy's a good guy, right? Sure. Okay. Listen motherfucker, I want to go back to Atlanta. No, we'll come. We'll do it. Make it happen. Why don't you make it happen now? Why don't you book a show there in the middle of my tour on our way down? We'll stop at Atlanta

from beingapolis to Tallahassee. Let's do it. And then you do it, meet us there, and we'll fucking do the show. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. Make it happen. What else you got? Yeah, and then but we are school by the festivals that we have music so like run the jewels Mass to not know effects is gonna be it's crazy. It's out of control. I feel so old. I'm going wow No, I'm not ex is that a fetch? It's gonna be great read the comedy dot com then you take it so you know what man You're a fucking go getter your hustler. You always fucking making it happen dude seriously You don't fucking take no for an answer. I love people like you, so good for you.

Check out that button. All right. What do you got but a cup? You can see a co-host of show every week at the standing room in Long Island city called White Chocolate. We're actually two day black eyes. I would not. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'll keep saying it till I believe it. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Good for you. Of course you're day black, guys.

You're like a little cute chick, long. Okay, smokes new ports. Yeah, why would you? I don't know. Yeah, I'm doing a roast tournament at the stand up to a before. You're adorable on the roast. And you kill it, you're funny. Here's why you grade on the roast.

And this is what some of these fucking dumb comics, veteran comics too. You got it how to take a hit. Totally. That's why when we used to do the show, the funniest part was the guy getting a slam took a take a hit. And then punch his way back out.

Yeah, and you know how to take a hit. You took that fucking pounding from Jimmy Carr and you became the funniest thing on that show because of the way you took it. You were fucking great. So all those black guys paid off. No. No.

I would have loved that joke joke but without the finger you hate the finger Just hold the mic What else you got anything and then in the kipsey my first headlining you got to go to this man this club in pikipsey Call them up. Yeah, you should fucking go, too. I would love to go. Not this weekend, but you should, you know, not step on her fucking headlining gig. Fucking son of a bitch. October 14th.

Yeah, but unbelievable club. Laugh it up. Pekipsi, awesome club, awesome guys. Make sure to check her out if you're a fan of this podcast. Let a know you heard her on this show. What do you got brother? I will be in Chikapi, Massachusetts this weekend. Love Chikapi.

Yeah. I started comedy. Like, we mean Dane and a bunch of commas go out there and do these little fucked up rooms, man. Yeah, fun. This guy Paul, he used to be Marty Capone, he had a one-nighter now it's a full comedy club. Yeah.

So it's awesome. comedy club. Yeah. So it's awesome. I'll be there this weekend. Wednesday, the 21st, I'm at the Ventura. Where is it? Chica P. Massachusetts. Yeah, right on the, oh, wait a minute, really? It's called the Cabot Comedy Club.

That's great. Yeah, it's really fun. Good people there. Yeah, yeah. The best. They always show up with cigars and crown royals, like the best. I know, you're a man's man, bro.

Hang it out with you, Aff best. You're a man's man, bro. Hang it out with you, and Philly. You're so quiet. You're just like one of my uncles. You know what I mean? Just does that man that you know can drink on the rock, smoke a cigar, just chill out, and you're like, what's wrong? I'm just enjoying the cigar. Yeah, I'm like, oh yeah, maybe me too.

I'm puffing. I'm picking up everything. Am I doing it right? I'm taking of everything by doing it right What else you got? Some dates with Bill in October yeah, and then I'm in San Francisco the punchline November 9th and if you like hockey, listen to puck off puck off. I love that name. I know the shows I should end the show when I've been sitting so long I can feel a heartbeat in my ass I literally right now I can feel it. What do you got there finger? I have a podcast that it was my friends called Center City Comedy. I love all you guys. Thank you

And uh, yeah, and it's on SoundCloud and iTunes and stuff and we have some live shows We have a monthly at the Standing Room. There's one this Thursday, the 15th at 930. We do want to the stand as well on the 25th, that's a Sunday at 930. And we're actually also going to be in Pekipsi in October. You going up there at the laugh it up? Yeah, we're there at the next week. As a group?

Yeah. What, all you got? The finger. What is this? I mean, I was doing it now. week, yeah. What, all you got? What's the finger? What, I know, what is this? I mean, I was doing it now, yeah, sorry. What, are you growing up as a group? Yeah, we're going up as a group, yeah. Are you do sketches?

No, stand up, but the stand up show. Oh, just all you guys, that's good man, good for you. You're gonna love it, dude. Great fucking room. Awesome, if you're a comic, headline in, middle in, you know, whatever, get in touch with these guys because it's a cool room. And the best part, if you're a comic, headline in, middle in, you know, whatever, get in touch with these guys, because it's a cool room. And the best part, if you're from the city, go the fuck up there on the train, and you come right the fuck back on the train.

Mm-hmm, fine, I'll do it. Easy. I just saw they added the bar car back to the trains. What's that? Uh-oh, that's always good. Where you can sit, where there's a bar on the train. Oh, is there? Yeah.

Oh, it's crazy. Bobby talks about the train like it's the 18th. It's an amazing thing. I know. If Man obtained a speed of 90 miles an hour, he would surely perish. I mean, my favorite motor transportation. Yeah.

Fuck, I would take a train everywhere. You'd love a train. It's just so fucking cool. Flying blows. It's just a train leaves on the fuck time. You get there and I'm a stickler for time. Anybody knows me. I'm on time. Love trains and time. Bobby Scott. That's what he loves. And, change times of ours. I move pets too. He's boosolini. I fucking love a train.

You just get up, you go get some food, you go take a shit, you sit back down, you take a nap. I mean, you can't do any of that. I'm not a thing for Amtrak. That's what they actually listen to atrak. Get out, take a shit. You know what I'm doing? I tell you how little conductor they're looking at a watch. I'll tell you what I do with this is the smoking cart.

It'd be great to let up a bat on a fucking train. I told you the time, me, Billy, me, Billy Burr, and Jesus. Jesus. Who was it? How old are you? This is a good gig. Jesus. Jesus. Who was it? How old are you? This is a good gig.

Oh, Aldo Benny. Me, Billy Burr, Aldo Benny, would take in the train home for Thanksgiving. And that's one of the busiest train days ever. So, there was standing room only on the train. All the reserves were taken. So, we just plopped down in the food cart at a table. Up all night, fucking yapping. And I guess there was a guy in there trying to fucking, whatever.

He turned us in to this blonde fucking Boston Dorchester fucking conduct, that dog. And we're like fucking telling stories about pussy and fucking, I fucked this and I came and fucking jizz, squirred into my my eye I threw up in her ass you know whatever well I don't know what stories we're telling but we were telling fucking guy she comes in we're laughing swearing fuck fuck wrong from ball fucking fucking sure was you know mostly me don't the fucking check was fucking fucking fucking fucking right she comes in listen you got you got to stop, you know,

swearing, no more talking, keep your voices down again, get off the train, like, I don't know where. You swear one more time, you're off. You hear me? We were like, what? Whoa, you didn't even give us a says, I don't give a shit. You're off the train. I train I mean nuts we were like fuck so she walks away we're in shock out of the blue she tells we must have been pissing her off for hours then she goes what the fuck oh you're off the train kicks us off on Thanksgiving of Assume it at Billy at Billy KICKS US OFF! On Thanksgiving! At Billy Burst Stop!

This motherfucker goes, right, see you later guys! It's out of stop! Fuck him, can't! 30 miles outside of Boston! She warned you! Even the cops came on, they were like, look, this broads a little fucking loony. You know what I mean? They brought us in,

they were like, look, just wait for the next train. It's coming. Bill is like, yeah, I can go. John Candy was there waiting with his truck. I was so hurt and rings. So fucked. We were all gonna sue that moment of like, I think she came down the alley and kicked Billy's foot

or something, like get your foot out of the alley. And I was like, you can't touch me that type of thing We were like oh maybe it was me. I don't remember but we were like we're gonna sue. I'm a we wrote letters to Amtrak Oh fucking Oh my god Nothing in response, but other than that I like the train. Yeah What do you got? Oh my god compound media.com for a bunch of fun shows including myself I'm also I'm standing in or sitting in for Alex Jones

Thursday three o'clock. I'm guessing hosting on a show I'm guessing hosting his show really info wars calm on Thursday Info wars obviously a false flag operation Go like the Gulf of Tonkin that started the Vietnam war. I'm gonna love that guy there But he's crofucking great. He's out of his mind. Who does he remind me of who's his voice remind me of? Marshall and Bob oh Sam McKinnyson. Oh, Kinnison. That's remind me his voice Sam had a little more of this going on It was like oh my dude. What's going on? Hey, how you doing? Hey, buddy? Are you gonna? What's going on? Hey, how you doing? Hey, buddy? Are you gonna?

Are you gonna plug emergency water every 30 seconds? How fucking don't don't know Yeah, emergency water just in case of nuclear a hologogged Right The next big war against them Good you are man. Oh, thank you sir. Yeah, that's fucking crazy And then what the fuck there was one more thing But I can't forget about oh Friday doing a gig got the band back together for again We do this every so often rot gut me my brother and a bunch of the other guys playing it

Fills the name of that place. 89 North and a patchhog. Before my basement. I'm hilarious. I'm telling you, it's fun. Your brother's fucking great. Oh yeah, it's crazy. I watch his YouTube videos and he does Jimmy Hendrix. Yeah, now he's doing a Hendrix thing.

It's fucking, if you close your eyes, you're like dumbless into the Hendrix. And he plays, I mean, the guitar is fucking really good. I don't remember any time where my brother didn't have a guitar. It was like growing up, the first memories I have my brother, he always had a guitar in his hand, five years old. And you know, he's still playing like a man. It's great, yeah, cool. All right, what do you got, brother?

What do you got long? Just at Warren Cubera on social media and make sure you follow us on Twitter Wikie WD podcast Twitter Facebook and I'm just a city's of the I don't understand. They're getting so small I can't deal with what I don't know let me deal with him I like that. But they're not sagging, which my mother tells me is a good thing. So, alright, I'll take it whatever. You think Mike's cute? Oh, come on, man.

I don't play these games here. I get awkward. Everyone gets weird. That's no. Oh, yes, very cute. I like beard, so yes. Look at that. Now I feel weird for saying that, because I was just making a goof, but now I feel like

an asshole. I'm talking about her titties. I don't believe in the bathroom. My dream was come true if you turn out to be all for dirty. Just, except. That's all you like to. You don't even like penetration just. I like sucking as much dick as I, that was in my fantasy. And then one day I was like, hey, and you were like, I can't do it because you're the

boss here. I was like, if you and you were like, I can't do it, because you're the boss, you're like, if you don't do it, you have to go, you're like, that's why I didn't get fired. The worst thing I ever did was invite you over my house to meet my wife. She loves me now. Oh, fucking loves Lauren. We're on, yeah.

My kid loves her. Talking about you today. Yeah, and now I love him. He's like, where's my friend Lauren? Oh my god. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Yeah.

Deepu, what do you got, baby? On Twitter, Instagram, at R2DPU, and you're a great leader, Bobby. And that's it. Leader, yes. Thanks for the call back from earlier, Bobby. The leader. Remember? Deepu, you are a great leader yourself.

Oh, thank you. All right, you guys are the best crowd and the best listeners in the fucking world. Thank you. I got confused. I know. Hi, so that's it. Thanks for tuning in to another episode. You know what, then.

You've been listening to Y YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free, and they're all free.