Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Colin Quinn | Bird Hand

Episode Date: March 5, 2023

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Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta de dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la dicción especial de Madrid nos lía. Un humenaje de mao, a Madrid. 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, 3 por 1, Esta es la 3 por uno señal, que significa que ya puedes aprovechar tu del 3 por 1 en mediana, salomicidio solo pidiendo al line. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1, ahas a domicidio solo pidiendo el line. ¿Saparao? 3 por 1, 3 por 1, ah no no no. ¡Dominos!

Pizzah. ¿Buscas contenido gratis? ¡I wanna be see! Bluetooth TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Bluetooth TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. I'm back again. Old school, back in the day. We're all starting before them all. I'm keeping my mind on why I keep dying. This podcast is so fun and crazy.

And there's no rules. Shut up, you're ruining this. Break the block, damn it. I'm sorry. It's about any podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show?

This is the original. Original. Hey. Hey, Jersey's lonely man. Well, I mean, we're welcome to YKWD. Are we live? We're live. Welcome to YKW. Welcome to YKW. You know what, dude, podcast.

We're back up in the seller comedy seller studios above the great comedy seller. Make sure I want to thank all you guys patreon.com. That's Robert Kelly, all the ladybugs that are a member of my Patreon. Thank you for supporting this podcast and all the things I do. Make sure you go to my Robert Kelly live on social media, Robert Kelly, Robert Kelly live.com for all my dates. I'm going to Tampa next week. I'm going to, excuse me, I'm gonna be all over the place. I'm going everywhere. So make sure you check out robacalive.com for all my dates.

And excuse me, I want to thank all you guys on YouTube page. So if you're watching this free on Sunday, Sunday, please just hit the subscribe button. That's all you get to do. Show support for the page. And I got one, I mean, one of my favorite people I've ever met in my life, in my life, in and out of comedy is finally on the show. Uh, you know, it's hard to get them on the show because he doesn't like this medium. We'll call it a medium. Colin Quinn, what's up, buddy? How's it going? Yeah, I do. I don't like it medium. We'll call it a medium. Colin Quinn, what's up buddy?

How's it going? Yeah, I do. I don't like it. I come on here once a year, like Jerry Doody, that's it. Yeah, you do. You really do. Like you, but why don't you, okay? Why don't I like podcasts?

What podcast? Why don't you like podcasts? I don't know. They really do make me uncomfortable. Even radio, I don't really like that much. Anyways, dude. Yeah, you do it once a year, but we started, I mean, we started podcasting.

Yeah. And you hated it back then. I hated it. Yeah. But I have to admit, we were number eight in the nation. Right below Madonna. Right below Madonna and P Didi and Dane Cook. Yes, Dane Cook.

Yeah. And here's the thing though, you're so good at it. Well, you always say, why do we just record our conversations and make a podcast? I'm good at conversations. I'm not great at podcasts. Podcasts are different. It's a different animal.

You're great at podcasts. I hate to say this. Voice is pretty good at podcasts too. Oh, please. Why would you say it if I hate to say this. Voice is pretty good to podcast too. Oh, please, why would you say it if you hated to say it? Because he's good. Yeah, he's good. He is good. He likes to be like,

he likes to eat yammer. Yeah. He loves to talk. He loves to call you and treat you like AM radio when he's coming back from his gig. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

That's exactly the way he is. Hey, how you doing? Uh, okay. Here we go. How long's your ride for us? Two hours and 18 minutes. He just does trash, and he's just trashing you like he's on the radio. Like he's trying to... And you know he's close to home and he's like, all right.

You know he's close to a 7-Eleven nearest house where you can get this scratch tickets. Well, I told you, I still accuse him of, um, when I was in Atlantic City a few weeks ago, I knew he was driving back that night and I called him at like nine and he goes, oh, I got me to the Atlantic City goes, oh, I'm on the road already. I was like, at nine. What time was he show? He was, I still say he was lying. Voss does the weirdest shows, dude.

Yeah, he loves it. He'll call, I'll call him on a Saturday. Where are you? He'll just be at like some hut outdoors at like a beer thing. Yeah, no, he's like, he's getting close to being burnt. You ever see movie in Lanx City with Bert Lane Castor? No. No, no, no.

It's a great movie. He's a really. Oh my God, is it good? What's it called? It's at Lanx City. Okay. But it's about an aging mobster and I think voice could have played this part. And he's like this mob guy and you know he's being cool like the students are wearing it and like she's I'm sorry.

Did you just say Vos can act? No, no. I said he's becoming that guy. Oh, gotcha. Sorry. No, I'm saying he lives it. I bet he said he could play this guy. No, no.

Maybe I did, but I meant, I meant he's going to be here. Okay. Yeah,. Yeah. Cause see, we know he can't act. Well, it's not they can't act, but I noticed on tough crowd back in that day, he was doing a scene with his daughters. And they were doing fine. And he was doing fine for a minute. And he goes into a shame spiral. And he can't be in a shame spiral and act. There's different ways to be a bad actor. Shame spiralist one and voice goes into it every time. I don't know. It's a weird. It's shame spiral. What it's like, can we pull that up by the way? In the middle of the scene, he just started going, you just see he started to get like his face turned a little red and he started to his eyes were getting moist. And he was just started to get like, you could just

see he was like panicking in the middle of the scene. Right. Like he was doing the scene and suddenly he's like and you could just see he wanted it to be anywhere but there. Yeah, he, he thought it was like, hey, Dad, we're working here. What's he doing? It's like six years old. I remember the skits on Tough Crowd. They were fun. They was my favorite part sometimes. Yeah. I loved those stupid sketches we did. Yeah, Norton was good in them. Yeah. Norton was real good in them.

Norton was very good in them. Trisha was good in them. Well, Patrice was just, you know, you know, Patrice's energy as well as anybody. You know what I mean? You know what as well as anybody that lived. Yeah, it was terrible. I mean, I mean, but it was a, it was a very dominating energy. So even in the sketches, you would be sitting there looking at me like, you're making me do like four lines in this goddamn

thing. Yeah. And you just see him. He was doing the sketch, doing the character, but he was also rewriting the sketch, appraising the sketch, critiquing the sketch the whole time. Yeah. That's how he was. You know, you know. Yeah, it was, he was, it's almost like when he got the gig, as soon as he got it, he was gonna rip it apart. Yeah, as soon as he's in, he come up and be like, you got crackers.

Yeah. Fucking shitty, shitty craft services. Yeah, what? Yeah, fuck you talking about. I mean, but that's what we loved was his, that energy, but except tough crowd. He loved tough crowd. And we didn't realize how much he loved

he loved the last episode when he almost had a tear. And he remember he called it, he goes, this, there's never gonna be something like this again. First of all, here's the two things that Trees had near the end that made me really go, oh God, he was so smart. Why don't he go like this when I said, we're getting, we have a month left, we're canceled.

And he was on that day and he goes, you tried to bring us up and we just drag you back down. Yeah. He did, dude. And then the other thing was the last episode. He goes, and he almost had like, his eyes got a little moist. I've said moist twice already. You tell me I like it. And I like that word. Yeah. And he was like, he goes, being an ex-fact guy is never going to be words. He goes, it's never going to be, I love all that new stuff, by the way.

You know, I'm from the act. I love it. Your next special before I forget, I know we're in love. You should make sure the one eats is eating too. Because the specifics of what you were saying about each of the meals was really funny. Well, just to let you guys know, I was doing my show and there's a guy up front who got... Sliders, Sate and French fries.

And the girl next to him got cheese sticks. Yeah. But I knew exactly what the saute was the thing that he should get. The sliders, he got a nut and hamburger, got sliders because it's not as big as a hamburger. So in his brain, I'm getting a slider. And then he got the fries

because you got to get fries with the slider. I'm only gonna have a couple. I knew he was negotiating. He was going to barter the French fries for the French fries and one of those sliders for a cheese stick. Yeah. Also, you go home to tell his wife, you know, I had, I didn't know what to achieve this. Most of the railostates, I go to the, yeah.

Yeah, I didn't know that. I go to the slider. I had one and I gave the other one away and I only had a couple of fries, but I ate most of the sauté. Speaking of Patrice, he was one, he used to throw it all the time. He goes, why the one thing I love food,

why is the one thing I love gonna kill me? He used to say it all the time. It's the worst. It's the worst. Say it all the time. You go to his barbecue and I took over his barbecue after he passed away. I just wanted to start doing the barbecue because Keith was like, yeah, you throw a barbecue stupid, you got a backyard.

But his food, when you went there, it was like he was cooking for three days. Ham and his mom and his aunts were cooking these, you know, secret black recipes. For three days. They're not because the aunts and the mom would be upstairs the whole time they never came downstairs. We'd be downstairs in the driveway. In his, you never went. No, I wasn't invited, but we were invited.

Nope, no, I wasn't. Don't I, no, no. The last, whatever that is is bugging me. The last time I told like to protect you. It's still bugging me though. The last time. I don't like, it looks like a little bird, like a little chick filet logo and I don't like it.

Whatever you're doing with this. The last time. Do this. I don't do this. The last time I do it. Have this, not this. You can do this. Don't do this. The last I took, have this, not this. You can do this. Don't do this.

This is the last time. The last time. Yeah, that is okay. Oh yeah, when I was done opening an anthem, we talked about the barbecue at the time before. I go, you never invite me because I know you wouldn't come. I go, yeah, I would have used invite me. No, you said this. You said, I probably won't, but I still get the invite.

You're right. Yeah. So he proves he didn't invite me. He didn't invite you because you would have said no. It's still not right to not invite me. I invite you all the time and you say no, but you've come too. I've come many times because my house is a little nicer. It's in Westchester.

Yeah. Back there. It's not a driveway in Jersey City at a townhouse. With will upstairs. With wearing a hair net. Yeah, will have holding them up Yeah, with 19 different songs playing in each like every other driveway Right, it's sound like a car show I like the sluss and swap meat Did I remember when we go there and you get there early and then there was a certain time

where it's like, all right, we got to go. Let's go guys and they would look at you like, yeah, this is a black barbecue now. Right. Time to go. Once Will's friend showed up, it was time to go. But it was still a good barbecue. Will has friend. If you ever describe Will's friends, nobody could.

He has friends from every country. Every type of person knows Will. You can be like, oh, this guy, you know, he's from the Jersey City hood. He's sitting there and he goes, oh, and this is my friend who, you know, teaches, he has a doctorate at Cambridge and England, came over to hang out and they all want to hang out with Will. It's just bizarre. Nobody can get that clip of Vos acting. You got it. Oh, I couldn't find that one, but I have another tough crowd clip of U.N.

of Patrice. Okay. Yeah, pull that up. Let me see this. But make it large. Make it all the way. Hey, put your headphones on Z. You can hear you can hear. Yeah. Teaching sex and they're actually teaching the refrain from sex, right? Well, no, you should do everybody's get, they look, they've been having sex for years. My mother had my system which was 15. She had me which was 18. They just weren't talking about it. What are you laughing at?

He's going to say it. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. Shut up and say it. Don't you dare say it. Don't you dare say it. Don't you dare say it. Don't you dare say it.

Don't you dare say it. Don't you dare say it. It's a mother's a whore. Oh. Oh. Oh, ****. I'm f***ing everybody right now. Get back here, you raking.

You don't want to call her, huh? You could have said she was 25 and stupid asshole. It's different in this show. If you guys wear the Anthroposy, Simone coach and Ab sex very young. You're children, y'all. That's cool. I ain't scared.

My mother was, can I get back, coming over here and say something? Look, he's Kevin. I told you mother a whore. I didn't call my great-grandmother the whore last time I was on. I told you. I told you.

She's great-grandmother. I said, it's great-grandmother was, it's way every whore. Yeah, me and Coz. I said she was great when all of us was like every whole **** Yeah, in court, the situation was written. I found that judge mental **** They're not

hoes. Oh, Bobby. My love really is a hoes. Who's that Kevin? Kevin, all right. Who's this other guy? Yeah, who the hell else was on that? Who's that other guy that was just,

this is a problem with that show. Yeah. Is that as a, if like that would, Yeah, who the hell else was on that? Who's that other guy that was just this is the problem with that show. Yeah Is that as a If like that would I mean dude it was a battle. It was terrifying. Yeah to go on that show with Patrice or Gerardo or I Mean false Norton you the Apollo the Apollo was the word Apollo was the dude to Apollo was the worst. The Apollo was the dude. The Apollo was the fucking worst. Because as soon as you showed up,

he's just looking at you, like sizing you up like, eh, what'd you write? Who'd you have right, your jokes? You know, he just started hitting you in the green room. You know? And it's like, he was me in the green room. He was me in the green room, dude. That's would be wow. You just hit something really important. But I don't know about later.

Which is the green room was as brutal as the show we should have been filming the green room. The green room was a nightmare. Yeah, that's terrible. I remember getting there early. It was only a couple blocks away from my house. Yeah, Which is just, I didn't realize how amazing that was to walk to a TV show. And then I remember walking up there and, man, I remember going up into the green room and then, if you got, I remember when I first started Keith and Norton and Patrice were writers on the show and Sherrodarad's small was a right. Yeah. And I mean, they were always the early and Nick was too.

Yeah. And it was just a nightmare because they owned that green room. Yeah. That was their room. You showed up. They were fucking with people and I was kind of. You were tough enough to handle it though. You know how to stand there and do it.

You grew up with guys, you understood. I'm not gonna, you understood that you can lose but you can't be weak. Yeah, but I always took it too far. Yeah, well, I was your thing, yeah. I took it too far. I would always go way too far. Yeah.

And that sucked. Yeah. And I remember I would always get angry. Like me, with the Apollo, I would get mad. Yeah. Like I'd wanna fight. Well, you said you wanted your uncles, that's true. Not always get angry like me with the Apollo. I would get mad. Yeah. Like I'd want to fight. Well, you said you wanted to be uncle. That's not one of them.

All five of them. Yeah. All five of them combined. That's what he, he reminds me of. Let me just say one thing about the, uh, the writers room. So here they are in the writers room. I hired them as writers because I'm thinking, Hey, these guys are going to be grateful because not only they on the show, they can make money as writers and they're all funny

Little did I realize who you're dealing with I walk in Keith Norton If you get it was something was like okay guys. It was like the first or second day. Yeah They're on they're watching early porn on the computer and One of those lying in the couch. I think Keith is lying on the couch and no one's at the desk. And they're both like half asleep watching porn.

And it was like, I'm doing like 11, like we just got in. I said, okay, the assignment for this show is gonna be this. We're trying to get the show off the ground. It wasn't picked up yet. This was the test shows that were the writers. So it wasn't picked up. Like this is eight test or 12 test shows. So this is like serious. You know, this is the crunch. So it wasn't picked up. Like this is eight test or 12 test

shows. So it's like serious. You know, this is the crunch time where you don't play games. You were not in year three. What were you thinking? I was so man, I was like, I can't wait to fight. I told them all I said, you're all going to be fired if this I swear to God. What were you, why were you thinking hiring all those guys? I was told you what I was thinking. I was thinking these guys are they're right. They're all funny people. They'll be able to, you know what I mean? They'll want to step up to the plate and get... You thought Keith Robinson was going to step up to a plate?

Yeah, I thought they were... I thought... You thought Keith... Keith was going to... Unbelievable. Keith was going to get a pan and a pad and just step up to the plate with a legal, maybe a... You understand?

You understand? He didn't know how to type. and just step up to the plate with a legal, maybe a, you gotta stand, you gotta stand. He didn't know how to type, he doesn't know how to type. You hired a guy who, two guys, who two, two people that don't know how to use a typewriter or a keyboard, they don't know how to type. And they were writers on your show. A year before you gave Keith the job as a writer on your show, a writer, a writer.

We were, I taught him how to use the internet and I, and, and, and, and Amsterdam. He didn't understand the internet. He was like, what do you, what do you mean? Well, what, what's that noise, curg, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, he ain't, well, why isn't me getting that noise? Is it broken? And I saw him typing on the thing. Typing like that with one finger, not two, one. One finger.

And he needed glasses, but he was too, he had too much machis, but cheeseboar to put them on. He was too egotistical to wear glasses. So it took him around 45 minutes to write this letter to these people and we didn't get the job. Oh, you told, well that was, yeah, that was the famous one about India, the trip to India, I even know about that.

He's terrible. A passage to India, part two. Oh, God, I remember that. What now, you did tough crowd. And then you started, after Tough Crowd was over, right? You were smoking a lot during Tough Crowd. That's the one thing people don't know about you. Like I smoke cigars, people know me for smoking cigars.

Right. But you were the first one, I made you the first comics I met that was smoking bats. I was smoking, but I was smoking them like cigarettes. I was smoking them around the clock. I mean, I was buying almost a box a day. And I was inhaling them. And I was like, my whole life was ruled by cigars.

Because I wanted to be smoking cigarettes. But I said, I'm not going back to cigarettes, but I might as well have been. Yeah, but cigars was crazy. Dude Do you smoke cigars, but you smoke expensive cigars? I smoke Davidoffs. Dude, people don't know that Davidoff is the most six, one of is put drone and Davidoff are the most expensive cigars you can get. They're $25 a cigar now. They're probably 15 or 20 back then. No, no, these were baby. They were smaller.

They were like, I would smoke almost a box of medium sized ones. Medium sized ones are still expensive. Oh yeah. I was spending at least 600 a week on cigars. That's fucking nuts. And that was in 2003, 2004, whatever. That's nuts.

My whole house smelled like an ass tray. You smoked them inside in the house and on the balcony. And on the balcony. And when I went on the road, if I went on the road for Thursday, Friday, Saturday, gig, I would have to bring three boxes of cigars. Mm-hmm.

Dude, you were smoking cigarettes, but there were cigars. That's right, right? Yeah. That's an expensive bucket. Oh, it was the stupidest thing. It was so expensive. Yeah. I mean, I smoke cigars, but that's nuts. Yeah. And that's a good cigar. Yeah. That's the bet. What'd you get it over on 50 something? Yeah. The place in Columbus Circle. Yep.

Dab it off Geneva, Dab it off Geneva, whenever those call it's still there. Oh, it is. I think so. Yeah. Oh, they might have moved over to 50. Yeah. And then I'd do maybe 50th and six. Oh, it is. I think so, yeah. Oh, they might have moved over to 50th. Yeah, and then not there. Maybe 50th and six. There are one six now. I go there, yeah, I love it. Do you miss the guys? Yeah, but I miss cigarettes too.

You miss cigarettes, I don't miss cigarettes. I love cigarettes. Dude, I remember I was waking up coughing, I'd wake up in the middle of life coughing so bad that I would throw up. I bet the people that have wake up in the middle of life coughing so bad that I would throw up. I bet the people that have to wake up in the middle of the operation of a cigarette. Who?

There's people that have to wake up in the middle of their operation. If you're having like an eight-hour operation, your real chain smoker, they have to wake you up and give you a cigarette. Why do they have to? Because your body will go into shock, because it's so used to smoking.

So you have to wake up, what the fuck? So that, like, if I had eight-hour operation when I was fat, I have to wake up and then it's gonna give me fries and like a hamburger on a shake. Yeah. Are you kidding me? No.

That was like a big thing. Is this something that you heard on the internet? It was before the internet I heard it, so that's why I believe it. But before, but before, it was even more of a rumor. Yeah, dude. Before the internet, that's when they had the frozen hot dog check too, back at high school.

Who's that? The one who got the hot dog, the frozen hot dog stock up or pussy? Do you ever have that one? I never heard about that. You never heard about that? I mean, am I crazy? Ah, shit, maybe it was just a, there was a fat chick

that was real. I thought it was a, everybody knew that the girl was stuck up frozen hot dog up a pussy and it broke off. Why would that be bad? She could just wave her to melt. But it's still upper pussy. Yeah, but I'm saying once it melts, you can take it out.

With what? Salad tongues. What? So, preparing these salad tongues? So you get you, you gotta go, so now you went into the freezer as a girl, a chubby girl, you got hot dogs, you're bringing them back to your room,

your mother's like, oh, she's a little chubby, maybe she's eating frozen hot dogs, like popsicles. Yeah. You stuck them in your vajage, broke off, it's up there. Now you're gonna go back out and get salad tugs. Yeah, you go back downstairs, you go, mom, you make yourself a nice little salad. She'll be happy.

So you slip them into your, when do you wear a folds of fat and bring them up? If she's as fat as you're claiming she is, she can fit a lot of stuff. So why don't you just go down and just stick it in her flap. She's sticking, she can just put the salad, she doesn't even get the salad, but you're saying the salad's like a deterrent.

Just in case they fall out in a diversion. A diversion, just in case they fall out of a flap. Yeah. Do you ever hear that Santa Rally joke? What was it? When he goes, when he goes, lady was in the store,

she put a ham under her shirt. Now she was leaving the guy bumped into and the ham fell out of her shirt right on the ground made a loud noise. And she went, all right, who threw that ham? He right, said to her, he was one of the funniest, he used to go like this in the middle of his act. Sometimes he was bombing and go, folks, what we're experiencing right now is what we in the business call a low. Ha! Dude, he used to make me laugh.

So funny. He would do this straw thing. Yeah, yeah. Got the end of the night when they turn the lights on. Time to go home and yeah. Yeah. He was really funny. Very funny.

If you guys don't know that is it's the guy who, Tony Supriner used to beat up with the phone at the bottom end. But he used to beat the shit out of me. Yeah, he used to beat him up. It's a weird thing, fame like that. Yeah. Fame like that is weird where you're a guy on a show.

That must go forever, that type of fame. But then it slowly peeders out. But it doesn't go in a good way. What do you mean? Because he's not one of the guys that gets on the soprano podcast. You know what I mean? Like, he's not one of the guys. He's the guy that, you know, people like, hey, get to the ass. You know what I mean? So then I'm sure he still did some stand-up, but he didn't, he didn't do as much stand-up after that. Did you see it? Did you go on the soprano's podcast? No. They had that. It's serious. Those guys are...

Right, I know they do. Right. And I went on it and it was a fucking nightmare. Why? Because they treated me like shit. Because you've never been on the sopranos? I wasn't on the sopranos. First of all, I auditioned for the sopranos a couple times. Uh, one time, fuck, who's that comic with the glasses?

Really loud from from around here? Loud, hey, hold's that comic with the glasses? Really loud from around here? Loud, hey, hold on, what's his name? How you doing, buddy? All right, good for, yeah, he was on stern a lot back in the day. He used to fight with stern. He was like, oh, pad coper. Pad coper. So I'm going in auditioning out in Queens,

Silver Cup, I think it is, wherever they do the soprano. It's huge, it's the sopranos. Yeah. And I'm auditioning for somebody who gets killed by Christopher. Christopher, it's when you get to get that, because you know the sopranos would do a show, show, show, show,

and then we'd all be waiting for the murder. And that was the big one. You know, it'd be like, oh, talking, talking therapy, home, bang, boom, so I get murdered. Yeah. Don't boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, right? I'm like, this is going to be big. This is it.

So I go in, I'm sitting there, it's me and another guy in the middle of the afternoon. All of a sudden the door opens, it's Pat Cupa. All right, gentlemen, you can go home. I got it. I just murdered in there. And he does five minutes in the hallway with the staff, like the people and the other comedian. I'm just like, fuck me.

Fuck me. So I go in and it's everybody. It's like someone's getting the part today. So auditions go like, you know, they go, you go, you go in, then you come back, you get a producer call back, then you get a director call back. And then they make a decision usually. This was, you go in and someone's getting this thing today. They're not fucking around. They got a shoot. Right. And I went in and, man, I started using,

I don't know, I got nervous because that pack hooper shit. Yeah. I started using my hands. You're going to to pat the energy. I got in a pat's fucking energy, dude. And all of a sudden the lady, okay, great. She walked up, she whispered in my ear, the beautiful casted dirt, she goes, stop using your hands. Sit on your hands.

Oh my God. So then I did this. And it fucking killed me. I had nothing. Yeah. I just was like, I just, I heard her going, sit on your hands. Yeah. Stop your security. Yeah. And if I could suck the energy out of me. Oh, Pat didn't get it either. The other guy got it. Pat, you know, Pat, I mean, I've known Pat since the 90s that we're my friend did a show. We just have these phone calls where Pat would

call in and then I'd call up and bust balls and be like, it was like a joke that at first, pat wasn't even in on it. Where I'd be like speaking 90s dialogue like, pat, it's about dysfunctional family. Why? Why do you talk about like all showbiz is sometimes it's unfulfilling. Go, go, go, selfish for a living. Then come back and tell me what's unfulfilling. Like we just get him going. But then when he was on, you know, he's on tough crowd all the time with an immunotrease for like,'s up for Philan. Like we just get him going. But then when he was on, you know, he's on Tough Crowd all the time with, and even Patrice will like, love it for a sight. Really?

Oh my God. You know who hated Patrice? Who? What's his name? Dom Iraira. Oh yeah, I know, I know. He came, I was at the cello one night when he came back from Tough Crowd Patrice.

And let me just say this, all the, he was saying some pretty fucking harsh things about Patrice. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, he had him. Yeah, because Patrice was like, why don't you strap that joke to you and run into a building or something in Iraq or something like that. And then, yeah, he wasn't used to the, oh, but, but pat and anyway, pat was on tough was on cop show too.

Yeah. And the funniest thing was with pat,, this is getting Ray Garvey. Do you remember me? Ray Garvey was a, he was a cop who ran a comedy club, Pips in Brooklyn. Pips, I heard of Pips. Yeah. So it was a real, I'll tell you the first time I went to Pips. I'll tell you two stories.

If, you know, one is when I, but first I'll tell Pat Cooper, but, but so Ray Garvey's like, Hey, Colin, when he come out to Pips I'm doing a movie Woody Allen's gonna do stand up in my movie. I was like Ray You're not getting Woody Allen to do stand up isn't it stand up? He's been offered millions and millions of dollars for 40 50 years to do stand up. He's not doing stand up He was nice coming out. He's a friend of mine. I'm gonna God. It's like I'll do it Lo and behold. I'm on say I'm sitting in Pips watching Woody Allen do stand up. Fuck you. It brings me up. No shit. Yeah. What he does. Yeah. And he brings filming it. This is all being filmed.

They're shooting the pilots. So anyway, the pilot is being shot. So everybody's there. Every like Tony Sirico was there. You know, he's still alive. Yeah, he goes, hey man That was funny. I go things good. Hey, I said that was funny. I don't just say things before I spread something Why do it's how you people have to? Why do they have to make you feel the way they want you to feel? Yeah, you know, I mean hey now I want you to feel more right that. That's not enough. Right. You didn't, I wasn't, like I was too like, Hey, thanks.

Like, foul. He's like, oh, you don't walk by me and say, thanks. I get the special treatment, you know what I mean? Yeah, Italian people need to learn. You don't need to say everything. Yeah. You don't have to say it all.

Yeah. Everything goes through your brain, some of what you can keep in your fucking head. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, they're fucking. Well, that's the thing in the other, the, oh, but anyway, so what? So I'm up there.

Woody Allen's there, right? So now incomes. So they got Woody Allen in a, in a pilot that they're going to try to sell. He's in a pilot. This is like 1999. Woody Allen doesn't do anything. Except the stuff. He was still, where is this? This is in P. What do you know doesn't do anything? Except the stuff. He was still, where is this? This is in Pips and Brooklyn.

No, where is this fucking footage? Oh, yeah. So then I don't know where he died, but, but, um, dark on the his leg. And, uh, but anyway, uh, and by the way, so anyway, I go to, I go to a sit now. So Danny A. L. was in the pilot too. Everybody's in it. All the times he was. So Danny A. L. was in the pilot too. Everybody's in all the tanks race. So Danny L. I'll pull up and he's got a Jaguar. His own car. So they're going, we're going to shoot

the scene. You're getting out of this car now. Because don't you think we should use the Jaguar? It's here anyway. He wants to show people. And they're like, you're right. So they start shooting the scene. Hey, Danny, he gets out of the Jaguar. Padka pulls up at the cost service. This is a low budget thing. You know, Padka was, of course, the street on MNZ Avenue, his big avenue and Brooklyn ships it back. And he goes, why? He gets, they send a car service for me. And they send a Jaguar for Danny Ayello. I'm leaving. They're like, no, no, it's his car. We're using it for the scene. You know, all right. He comes down, said in Winnie, Alan, does his standup, brings me up. I do stand up in front of Woody Allen.

Yeah, you know, we were sitting down. They were all sitting in the audience now. So now Pat, they won't pat to shoot. It's like a Woody Allen in the audience. So they get in clothes, you know, they only got two cameras. So they're getting all reaction shots of Pat. Pat Cooper was on for 15 minutes and is brilliant, you know. I mean, he whips, he's free associating.

And then so then when he owns get a leave. So now they're going to get Pat. So they go, okay, thanks, Woody. Okay, Pat. Now we're putting the cameras on you. We're going to get the close up on you because what do you mean? Well, we've been shooting where to get Woody's reaction yesterday. Why? So you want me to ad-lib? You want me to do what I just did. Work off the top of my head that I just did, that I just hold him laughing, that I work my whole life at my craft

to be able to do that. You want me to do it out again because you had to get fucking Woody Allen on the fucking camera laughing. You can't just get a shot of him. You couldn't fucking tickle him. Oh, boy, God, here. You need to, my fucking brilliant shit.

Fuck you. Fuck Ray Garvey. Fuck Woody Allen. Fuck you all. And he just storms out. No. Yeah. And then we go and explore to try to calm down.

Jackie Martling was there too. And then he goes, we're at Randazzo's and those people like, back up is going crazy. He's screaming and Jackie, what is going on? Now listen, you know, what do you relax? I hold a fuck, Jackie, don't tell me to fuck him, relax. What do you fucking work for this?

Don't fuck him, worry about me. He's screaming in the list restaurant. It was so great, it was so classic, Pat, muy grande, muy clasicado, ¿no? Es muy bueno, hombre. Sabemos lo importante que es sentirse acompañado. Por eso en Caisha Bank ahora cuentas con un préstamo para hacer realidad tus ilusiones. Solicitas los desde el móvil o a través de tu gestor. Informa en caishabank.es.

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Tarifa sujeta a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¿Es que es chile? No, es un año. Pero es un 96. Es muy tol. Es un 96. ¿Qué es tol? Bueno, vamos a ver la otra pica.

Así que me pico de la pica, el primero que me hace un comedy. Every time I did comedy, el día de hoy, es algo que me hagas. El día de mi día, las historias de la vida. wrong. Every, my earliest shows are all like stories. So this one, I got a Pips. And I've been at Pips before. I've been there once in Brooklyn, you know. And so I got a Pips and I'm gonna get a number,

you know, I said I'm getting a number. I walk out, I'm probably told you this, but outside, on the outside, the place is closed, it's locked, it's three in the afternoon on Wednesday, that's what this is named. And there's a sign, somebody put a sign on the outside of the window, taped it, says like, you know, Joey

DeConserto is not going to be here tonight, whatever his night was, right? And so I'm like, oh, yeah, I don't know what that means. Anyway, finally, they opened about an hour later, come back. Audition night starts at seven, hanging out for three hours, you know, all excited doing comedy. I've done it twice, maybe three times. And then I go on stage, there's like eight people there. It's on Wednesday night. I don't know, you know, Seth Schultz was the famous owner at the time, Marty Schulte. And then eight tying kids from Evan and Wax, which at the time was,

a famous place, like 1984. Have a new necks. Evan and Wax. And at the time was, you know, a famous place like 1984. Avenue X. Evan and Wix. And it sounds bad ass. Tattoo's before interviews, we even wearing tattoos, white beaters, you know, when tattoos meant something, when tattoos. Now tattoos, the guy owns a donut shop. Fucking asshole. And you look closer and the tattoos are unicorns and fucking balloons.

You're like, oh, this guy's an asshole. Keep kicking them in the nuts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jotaro was like, I'm. You said, don't you said the sandwich shop didn't you? But, um, no, but chute. And he was shot at you. When a, um, chill has the worst tattoos ever. No, but he goes, uh, but he goes, but he goes, oh, so they all walk in. It goes to seven, maybe there's 12 people in the audience and there's like a bunch of all-common mic comedians me.

I'm on stage and there's like, hey, people's home watching these guys walk in a minute, they walk in and they go, this is, yeah, I know this can't be good. And I don't even know the all-shaped heads, just like 1985, all-shaped heads at summer. Walk in, start flinging chairs. Everybody shows over this place is shit, fuck this place. Um, and so everybody's like, oh shit, they

really ran it like, you know, fuck, so they walk out. You're still on stage. I come off stage. I stand next to the owner. I'm ready to back. Of course you are because I'm like, I'm going to get into this club. That's so bad I wanted to be a comedian. I'm like, I'm with this fucking guy. I'm not going to fucking, me while I'm terrified. These guys, well,

Siri, they would have gave us a real clinical beating. You know what I mean? Like, no emotion. They would have just gave us a real clinical beating. Not just to kick our ass in T-Chustlesa lesson, but to teach everybody in their future lesson of what happened. But the owner's like, and I'm just standing next to him

like this and he goes, yeah, who's this fucking asshole? Like, you know, and, but they walk outside because they have a flatbed truck set up. So their friend Joey, whatever his name was, that had a audition Wednesday before and they didn't pass them. So they were pissed. So they chased the crowd out. So Joey's on top of the truck doing his act from Evan Wax from Nuzza. He never noticed you fucking grab your cock.

You fucking fucking ass. He's doing it outside. He's doing it on top of the flatbed truck. So when the people come out, so like seven people stayed and watched. I should have left comedy then. Seven people got terrorized out of the club and they're like, oh, it gets to show us out of here now. And a couple more like laughing at his jokes. And I should have left him. But because I took with him, he gave me a Friday night spot

at the club and I bombed and then he never used me again. But he gave me a Friday night because they knew I was with him. Right. So that's children's's and famous guy at that time. It's so weird when you talk about clubs, you know, you think about like when I was coming up, it was Nix. Yes. Nix comedy stop in Boston and now, I mean, it's still there, but it's not Nix.

No. You know, the Akua Koo, they had the Akua Koo's when I was coming up. Dictuities. Dictuities. The Akua Koo and they had the Akukou's when I was coming up. Dictorities. Dictorities of Akukou and they had the Remington, they had the old comedy connection, the Charles Street playhouse. Yeah, I was down the end of next. I mean, all these iconic like,

oh my God clubs, but they go away. Clubs go away. It's weird. I mean, when I moved to New York, Caroline's was the mother ship. It was like the ultimate. Right. The strip was the club was the champagne club of the city. The strip. Never. When I was here, never. I'll say it again. Let me try it one more time. Cause I think, I think, I think that's false, let me try it.

It was when I moved here, the champagne club of the city. I'm gonna say it one more time. Can you hear that? You hear me, right? Okay, it was when I moved here, when I moved here, watch my mouth. When I moved here, this trip mouth. When I moved here. This trip was not the champagne.

I was the bartender with the strip, do you understand? That was, I'm saying when I moved here, it's like the part. No, I'm just saying how deep my history with the strip runs. When I moved here, all right, let me, the wrong word, champagne's not the word I'm trying to use. No. It was the hot club.

It was the hot club, right? I mean, really, you're fucking with me over champagne and hot because I know the strip very well. If you fucking make a bird face again at me, I'm gonna break that little thin Irish pinky. It's bugging me. You're fucking bugging me with this little chick filet.

Whatever you do. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. You did my skin, I hate it so much. I wanna go,, just break that. What are your frightets? Yeah, but it was the, I mean, dude, it was the hot club.

Is that better? No, it wasn't really the hot club. It was. It was, for us, for you, new guys it was. David. I'm saying. David, tell didn't work there. That's what I'm saying.

When I came here, that's where all the industry was there. There's comic strip live. The seller wasn't shit. Well, what year was that? 98, 97, 98, 99. That's ridiculous. What do you sell it was already the shit? The seller was not the same.

The seller, I'll tell you exactly what, ready? That's just the same. Here's the order. The salad number one. You're nuts, it was born in comedy. Number two. You're fucking. And then the strip.

You're fucking crazy. You're crazy. You're telling me about New York comedy. I'm telling you, when I was here. You're telling me what the New York comedy seemed like. You played catcher rising star in the original improv, which when I got here was an Italian restaurant. Yeah, I know.

Yes. I know it still is. Don Giovanni's. I was there. The restaurant was there. We can have a go at beach. Oh, they got good restaurant. I lived right there. Oh, well, I'm a little old. And I lived a 47th grade. Great pizza. And they still got the wall.

The the improv wall. That's the original. No, the Improv. Yeah, it's sad. Yeah, cool that they kept it. Yeah. Yeah. And a stretch of telly soup there.

It's great. But, um, but too fat. You're telling me comic strip, they have to wait us up for fries. You're telling me the comic strip was bigger than Boston comedy at that time. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, number one, was it bigger, 100%.

It was, here's what it was, my friend. It was where the industry went. Nobody, there was no industry went to Boston. No industry went anywhere in the late 90s. To late 90s, early arts. There was no industry. You guys were just so young and rookie-ish. You thought that was industry.

I would come. Industry was the assistant, the assistant at fucking William Harris getting free tickets by saying, well, William Morris agents. That was the industry. We work for NBC and you guys are like, who NBC is here? I can't wait to do my best in a minute. Come on.

They tricked you and they tricked the comic strip into thinking they were industry. I'm saying, dude, I'll put that club. It was packed all the time. The seller was not packed. Comic strip was, are you just getting it? I mean, do you, have you talked to Donald lately? Why?

Because you keep copying me off. Yeah, well, it's a podcast, it was like, you guessed, but, speak, it's not about you talking. You fucking talk all the time. Well, you guessed, talk. The, yeah. No, the, the comic, I said the comic strip is the best comedy room for laughs.

It bounced off the walls. They're like nothing else. But what I'm saying, can I talk? Yeah. What I'm saying is that when I came to the seller in 97, 98, 99, 2000, they had a nine o'clock show to two in the morning and it was dead. A lot of the times during the week, dead, the Boston dead.

The only times the clubs were okay, was on the weekends and the Boston dead. The only times the clubs were okay, it was on the weekends. And the Boston had two shows a night. And this place still had, I think had two shows a night, a one from nine. And it was good. But then at the end of the night, when I went on, maybe when you went on, when you went on on the early part of the show, right? It was, it was okay. But when I was dead, as opposed to what I'm comparing to it now, which is 17-show, sold out shows a night. Sure.

And what it is now is holy shit. Right. Back then, if you went to the strip, the strip was always packed up. First of all, the strip only in one show too. They didn't have two shows during the week. They didn't have two shows then during the week, they didn't one show. Did you hear that? What?

The stomach? That was my rage. That was my stomach. You just ripped my surgery open. You just ripped, you just ruined the surgery. It ripped open. It literally just ripped my surgery open. You just ripped you just ruined the surgery. It ripped open. It literally just ripped my stomach open. That's how mad I am at you right now. The truth ripped it. The truth ripped it. No, it's not that fucking. The fact that you as a conversation, you have a show right now called small talk. Yes. It just got renewed. The fact that you don't know how to do small talk.

Yes, it just got renewed. The fact that you don't know how to do small talk right now, will you go into war? You're this is me. This is what you battles on. Yes, no, yes, because I just said it was a good club. Why wouldn't I make this by battle? The comic strip. Why would they make the New York comedy scene?

And I bought 10 of the damn comic strip. And I was at the top. I was at the fucking 80s. The comedy cell every night from 96 to 2000 probably yesterday. So I know exactly when it was not hot. The early, he's the problem. The early, you're thinking of the early 90s

it was deserted. Not the late 90s, the late 90s, it was already popping. I know it was not popping. It started popping when tough crowd. It's tough, no. It was popping when tough crowd. Tough crowd. No, it was popping before tough crowd. I was here! So was I, you weren't!

I was here. You were here, but you were not here. I was at the club every night. You leave me. I was so depressed at SNL, I was at the Comedy Televagan damn night. I was at the club every night. You leave me. I was so depressed at SNL. I was at the comedy television every goddamn night. I know exactly what was going on.

It was popping. You were not like in his name, but you were not. When you were on SNL and I was hanged down here, it was not popping. They were made, the waitresses sitting in the crowd. Yes, that was in the early and mid 90s, not the late. All right, well then maybe I'm a couple of years off. Yeah, maybe what? Yeah, I'd say you're definitely a couple of years old.

I fucking, you're telling stories. Is there a... I want to fucking... Is there a crossbow? You're telling stories that you wouldn't even hear for it. I want to hear. You heard that they used to make the waitress to sit in the audience. I... Something you've made it like you were there. I was there. I was there. I was fucking there. You called me a liar.

You're saying I made shit up. You're imagining. We're never gonna hear. We're never gonna. We could if you fucking just gave an inch. Why would I? Would I know you're wrong and I'm right? I think you're wrong and I think I'm right.

I know I'm right. I know I'm right. That's why wars happen in the war. This is how you brush it. Do you crane feel right now? Do you know, Matt, I'll be killing you, Steph. They love you. Hey, fucking love you.

I told you, fucking Danny, hey, man, I know that we get drinks and stuff. Should I, he wanted your number. Could I get calls number to find out what he drink? I'm like, no. He wanted to confirm with you. I go, he wanted your number. Could I get Colin's number to find out what he drink? I'm like, no. You wanted to confirm with you. I go, he's confirmed. If you think you non-blinking autistic fucking asshole from Jersey, I'm giving you Colin Quinn's number.

So you can somehow finagle you with into his life as a, then he goes, he goes, okay. Is he want to coffee or something? And he asked about you, didn't ask about me. So I came up and I go, where's my coffee? He goes what? Oh, I go, yeah, I'm the guy I'm the guy. I'm the fucking dude. This should be this should be the name of the podcast. I'm the guy He didn't even care about my car that I get every week. Most do I got a coffee every week? Yes.

Joe, do I got a coffee every week? Correct. Yes. Max. Yeah, you get the coffee every week. Oh my God. I got a coffee every week, right? Yeah. It's like sitting at the table with Jake LeMont and raging both honey. Yeah, you have the coffee. Look at Danny's mouth. He can't. He hasn't blinked. Not because he's in shock of what I'm saying.

That's just he doesn't. No. But, but go ahead. So what we're saying, let's get back to what we're talking about before we get into this sidetrack. sidetrack of comedy. What the popular clubs were in the late 90s. Yeah, we're talking about clubs.

Yeah. But I do want to talk about your small talk. Off Broadway show that just got renewed in a different theater. Yeah. For how long? Five weeks. All right, now I was all set up to go. I went and bought tickets.

I got a front row. I picked my seats at paid for them. I got two of them. I got the side right at the aisle seat, even though I'm not as big anymore. I don't need the aisle seat. I got it. Second row actually, because I didn't want to be first row, because I wanted you to see me. I see the first row. I talked to the first row of the whole show. Okay, great. Well, you're the calling Quinn mush was once again in full fucking effect. Bob feels he's jinxed when he gives him some of my shows. Tell him about the first, the first one of the, well, the first one you gave me seats. I've never asked

for anything from you. Have I? No. I never do. No, you always buy. And you gave me, you insisted. I like everybody else we know. Insisted. Yeah. Insisted. And I was like, cool. I'll take it. It was the taping.

Back when the taping was a big deal. Big deal. Yeah, it's not like fucking, you know, every comedian has, like some picklehead with a fucking cannon down at the seller. It's fucking asshole. I got my new special coming out fucking silly stone seven. He's got three fucking, it's got three cannons and the Lumix G5. An assistant was how to do lights. I just saw my special. It's 13 minutes long.

I'm going to shoot it over five years. At the end of it, it's gonna be a full special and then I re-release it. Oh, fuck God, it's sad. He really just sucked the life out of it. Hey, what's your name? Greg, I got a new special. I shot at the seller.

I, you passed at the seller, no, but they let me shoot it. I, I opened for Greg's stone one night. And I use my iPhone, I shot a special. Unbelievable. They let me shoot it. I opened for Greg Stone one night. And I use my iPhone, I shut a spank saw. Unbelievable. It's crazy. Anyways, you got this thing going on. Well, you gave me the tickets and you sat me. So I show up and I've told this before,

but this will be for people who haven't heard the story. I showed up my beautiful wife and she got dressed up. She got a hair blown out, $250 at the time, which is pretty expensive. They're my friends. And I dressed up, I looked like a million bucks, we walked only a few blocks from my house, we walked up there with the dinner before, we had a nice little dinner,

and we're all dressed to the ninth and we show up, and I'm looking for my, you know, my past, because I'm not gonna be here with these other savages waiting in line, but apparently, all right, well, I know what, let me just go, I know, my past, because I'm not gonna be, I put these other savages waiting in line, but apparently, all right, well, I know what, let me just go, I'll get my tickets. I get my tickets, and I'm walking up to the lady, and she's standing there, and I go, all right, cool.

I'm pretty sure she's just gonna go, oh, Mr. Kelly, my name will probably hold some weight now because you'll be like, make sure that they get these, and, you know, and she just went, because you're like, make sure that they get these and, you know, and she just went, I looked at Larry, one seat in from the door. There's the fucking door to the theater right here. There's a row that doesn't even fold back. It's like an exit row on the plane. Those see, I'm one in front of that, but not on the end.

I'm in the middle behind a fucking camera. I'm in the dead zone where they call it killing seats. When they come in, they go, we gotta kill these, this back to the road. We gotta kill them out. And they can kill it. He put me in a killed row,

just a dead row with how it's stern fucking people behind me. Twitchels who has fucking Tourettes Spitting in my wife's 250 dollar blown out here Cursey to cursing cursing cursing to cursing cursing. Fierce. Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,

Nichols times quarters. Ah. Yep. Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck. Yeah. Behind my wife's head. I'm in front, I couldn't see, I'm in the camera in front of my head.

I am Vivalently angry. Vivalently angry. Vivalently angry. Vivalently angry. Vivalently angry. Vivalently angry. Vivalently angry. Vivalently angry. Vival really angry. Next one, I'm like, I don't want your tickets. No, no, no, I gotta make it up to you.

No, no, no, I gotta make it up to you. I don't want them. I want to buy, please. I don't want anything from you last time. You fucked me. You people don't like me. Something happened. You fucked me.

No, Bobby, they everybody knows. Everybody knows. I, I, what happened last time, that made me angry. Everybody knows we get, okay, I'm uptown, I'm living in Westchester at the time. I leave my family, I jump in a car, I'm in traffic, I'm scrambling to get there, I'm calling his assistant, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm with Chris Scopo who's waiting for me. That's my date.

Should have known. If I were, ponytail Scopo too. When he had a ponytail, like a fucking lesbian tennis star. It's fucking, it's big fat ass. I'm calling him. He's relaying them, dude, they got you.

They're waiting for you. Sooner you pocket car, somebody's gonna be waiting by door H. I go to door H. They take me through the thing downstairs. I'm like, dude, they got you, they're waiting for you. Sooner you pocket cars, somebody's gonna be waiting by door H. I go to door H. They take me through the thing downstairs. I'm like, oh, these guys, there's somebody waiting for me. They take me downstairs.

I'm like, wow, I'm going on special seats. Up back up and elevated, out the thing, they're like Mr. Kelly, they're talking through a walkie talkie. I'm like, oh, this is, you care of me. They take me in, I go all the way down the aisle. This person walks me in. There's a oh, this is, he took care of me. They take me in, I go all the way down the aisle, this person walks me in, there's a person, this guy, Pierre Cardin from Ted to Toe, this Irish Brooklyn gangster, he's got a pinky ring,

he's got a thin gold bracelet with a thick bracelet, he's got a Jesus cross with a boxing fucking medallion, like Rocky, he looks up at me with one eye that's dead, it's like Gray, he looks up, this fucking fat motherfucker, I'm big at the time, fucking, he's got to get one eye that's dead. It's like gray. He looks up just fucking fat motherfucker. I'm big at the time. Fucking, he's got to get up. He's bullshit. He switches seats with his girl

because he doesn't want fat bob sitting next to her. I go over there, there's a girl sitting, this fat chick sitting there, she sees me, she does this. She goes, no way, fatso. I'm sitting there holding my tits. I look up, what's in front of me. A motherfucking, he put me in the dead zone again.

There's a camera. So I spent the whole fucking show. Every time he'd be in front of me, I couldn't see him because it was a camera. I would, I would lean my head over the side of the camera like this. And I'd go on this side and I just go, you fucking cock sucker. I was fucking bullshit. I called his phone right after. This is his night. He just filmed a special. I called him fuck you. You piece of shit. Remember that? Oh, yeah. I was fucking livid. That made the night even more special. What about, um, what about the time? What about the time when I, when I, uh,

I, I don't want to say his name, but if a guy we know that used to aggravate you was on a show, was on a show, and I told you, Bob, I'm on the show, you should go watch it, you know, I'm on the set, this clock, sucker, there's a guy here. It doesn't bother me anymore. We kind of worked it out through time, whatever. But at the time, I was hosting at the seller.

And this comic would come in and he was like, he was a big, big to-do back in the day. But at that point, I didn't know really who he was. I respected him, but I'm hosting, I was on the tail end of hosting, like, I can't do this anymore. I was kind of getting a little successful in the road and it was a little taxing for me to deal with that shit

and he comes up, how's the room? Good. Any birthdays? I don't, I don't, I have no idea. How much time do you want me to do? How much time did you agree to do? When am I going up? You soon, I'll let you know. Well, how much time? Hey, here's the thing, when I go to, when I give you the light and go to, get off in two minutes. Anybody from out of time, I'm not you are fucking, what am I? You're

assistant. I snapped. I was, I was a little out of line, but'm not you a fucking, what am I, you're a sister, I snapped. I was, I was a little out of line, but I was a go fuck yourself, dude. I'm not you fucking a sister, go on stage. My job, hey, here's your name and get the fuck off. That's it. Hey, give it up for this guy, get the fuck off. I bring up the next hump.

I mean, it was at the point, I mean, Godfrey would go five hours, end of the night. I'd be sitting there like, huh, I heard birds. I was outside. I had to light his money on fire. I had to light his fucking money on fire because that's back when the host paid the comics.

Oh, so at that point, he would lose his money on fire. I lit him on fire. And so he knows this and I would have and I would be up with the thing, and this guy would come in town, and he's the type of guy that you'd be eating, he'd be looking at your food. Yeah.

And he'd, hey, how's that, how's that mac and cheese? Yeah. It's good, dude. I like it. I don't know, it's good. Looks good. It's good. What are they putting in there, bread? I don't, I it's good. It looks good. It's good. What are they putting in there, bread?

I don't, I'm not a fuck, man. I'm not, I don't work at Noma. I don't fucking know. And then you want some, oh, I'll take a little, he take a bite. Yeah. He take a bite. Yeah.

Do you want a bite? It's more of a, hey, fuck face. Shut the fuck up. It's not, do you want a bite? You want to try some? You want some? Right. Yeah, I'll take a little bite

and would have a fork waiting. Like, out of his pocket, I don't know, I don't know if he did magic too, but he'd have a fork and he'd just scoop it. I remember one night I just pushed my shell, I was like, I'm out, have it, I'm fucking gone. But anyways, this guy I had a problem with, like, you know, internally, but nobody, it wasn't out.

It wasn't out. No. And you called me up, because when I do it, I'm really excited. And you call and doesn't do that. You called me up, you like do it. Wow, what'd you had to say? You like, I said, I'm on a show tonight.

I'm really, you know, I'd love you to check it out tonight. It's like the last episode and, you know, I got on. I'm doing a kind of big part. I'd love you to check it out if. It's like the last episode and, you know, I got on. I'm doing a kind of big part. I'd love you to check it out. If you get a chance, I said, don't worry if you can't. You're going, of course I will. But I was like, oh, thank you, man, you know. And then he sat through the whole show.

He watched the whole episode. Five, five. No, there was five hours, five hours. It was five, 30 in the morning. I started when I got home from the seller. It was five,30 in the morning. I started when I got home from the seller. It was 5.30 in the morning, dude. I got home from the seller at like 12. I got a little meal. I was so excited to see you on TV and act. You were so proud. You said you said I'm proud of my acting. Yeah. And I got a phone call. It was one of

the best things I ever heard. The first one was, did I miss it? What the fuck? What's going on here? Did I fucking miss it? I saw it so and so. I didn't see you. I saw that fucking guy.

He was on it. And then somewhere, I guess, he just realized what happened. He goes, you motherfucker. You month the second call. I mean, there was the funniest phone call. This guy, the guy that I had a problem with this in it, and he made me watch five, five, five hour shows with this fucker.

And I was like, this, what the fuck dude? This guy's in it. I'm like, and then I was like, and then I call him back, you motherfucker. And you were laughing. I couldn't sub live. You were laughing so hard. It was so that was a good one, dude. That was a good one. That was a fucking good one.

So you got this new show. Yeah. Now you've done all these. How many have you done for? No, I've done like six. What? Yeah. How many? Six? How long film name name six whoa you're trying to say I'm not online I Wish it you were lying Irish wake one okay The next one my two cents which Dawn saw which you didn't see what the fuck does that mean? Dawn came remember the time when you were on the road and doing came to the show no No What the fuck Hello, Dawn You're on my podcast with mr. Colin Quinn. Do you know Colin Quinn? I do know Colin Quinn. Hi Dawn

Hi Colin hi For let out of the gate the the the the the the rhythmatic gentle Harmony that comes out of your voice when you say hi Colin. I've never heard As your husband I like to wish you said my name Colin Like Colin I listen gone. Did you go to call? I love Colin. I relax. I love doing all right relax you too. Oh the love Dawn Why don't I get a rhythmatic happiness? Why do I get like you're my eighth grade math teacher Mrs. Black?

What is it Mr. Kelley? Don because You drive me crazy You drive me crazy. I make you do make it till you're driving me crazy. Don let me drive me mad. Don you went to college show without me when my two cents Oh, I think so yeah, and then you afterwards I walked you back home down 9th Avenue what?

I walked you back home. Whatth Avenue. What? I walked you back home. What the, darn, he walked you home? I don't even remember, but probably. What? He's lying. No, you walked my wife home? Yeah, there's a polite thing to do. When?

It was, I don't know, 10 o'clock? Dude, you don't fucking walk my wife home. What do you do? Now walk somebody home? What he does, why wouldn't he? It's a gentleman thing to do, Bob. I'm just saying, Don, if you- I remember, I remember, you know,

the one thing about Kwanland that I remember so much that when you had surgery, he came to the house to help me get you in the house and get you all situated because you're such a good friend. Thanks, Dawn. Bob, forgot that conveniently. I did forget that. Was that the knee surgery?

Yes, the first one. Okay, but okay, let me ask you. Okay, where was he on the knee surgery? Yes, the first one. Okay, but okay, let me ask you where was he on the second one? He was busy, I don't know. I was on the road. Yeah, okay, let me ask you question, Don, you went and saw his show by yourself. Yeah, probably because you probably got the tickets and were like, I can't go because I'm doing a kick. Exactly.

I said, yeah, I'm going to go. Yeah. All right. Great. You're not supposed to go. You're supposed to say no, I'll wait for you, but that's cool. It was only running for three days. All right. That's great. I'm glad you went.

All right. All right. All right. That's it. That's all right. I just had a thanks going. No problem. I'll see you later, Don. See you later. She hates me.

I like the fact that she hated you so much. She didn't even say your name. She'll see you later. She. That's nuts. All right. So you got, you got a hashtag me too. What's the name of it?

Here's the me too. What's the next one? You got you got the Irish wake. Hash mag. What's it? My two cents. My two cents. Um, then I had, um, long story short, long story short, then, um, uh, unconstitutional, unconstitutional. That was my favorite so far. Thanks. I love that one. Then I had, uh, New York story, New York story, five. Then I had, uh had Red State Blue State. Red State Blue State. Six. Six. And then this one, small talk seven. Now small talk, what's it about, dude? I know

it's about small talk. Well, it's a small talk, but it's about, but it's about how it's about the thing that mean you are two great practitioners of, even though you pretend not to love it, which is the people that like the small talk when they go to a store, when they run into a person in the street, a stranger, people that like to be friendly and outgoing with people. Yeah, you are the mayor of anywhere you go. And I'm on the phone with you, and it's so annoying, because you get down to the lobby and it's like, hey, all right.

Now, just see how's outside. Oh, yeah, it's going to be going to be this week. It's going to be crazy this week. How's that homeless? All right. I'll talk to you. I'm going down. You want anything? And then you're walking on the street. Hi, how you good to see? Just drop down. Oh, yeah, pick that up. Okay. Yeah. Hi. All right. You get to the day. All right, ladies. What are you getting a blueberry today? And they're like, Asian, oh, to the day, all right ladies, what are you getting a blueberry today? And they're like, Asian, oh, dodo, blueberry, we don't have blueberry.

No blueberry, I'm gonna get out of here. I mean, it's a constant fucking roll your plate. It's small talk. You love it. I love it. And can I say something? Yeah, I love it too. I know you do.

I'm so good at it. I know, I'm awesome. I know, I love it. I'm an elevator. And hey, how's it going today? I mean, it is a gift to be able to do small talk. It's, and it's a pleasure. And it's, you know, I talk about it in the show.

That's why you can love the show. It's really all about how what small talk, the relationship, it establishes, and things like that. But I small talk people the whole crowd. That's why as I talk to the front row, I make them small talk with me, though. Oh no shit. And some of them really, you know, they get weirded out by it, you know, people, I mean, you know who's good at small talk? Who max? Oh, yes. Max gets in the elevator and immediately be like, Hey, just, just that. Hey, I go

like this to a guy, Hey, yeah. And the guy, and the guy will be like, Hello, how's it going? You going to the pool today? And the guy's like, well, we were gonna. It's good, the pool's good. You're gonna love it. Waterfall's not working. I think, and he'll repeat stuff like he heard me, mom say, I think they knock on the hotel down.

They're gonna redo it. And the guy's like, really? He's like, yeah, I'm pretty sure. And we're like, what the fuck? It's great. Yeah, he's great at it. Yeah, he's a friendly guy. That's what.

Max is a friendly guy. Friendly guy. Good guy. Great heart. Good heart. You know what he did today? Walk up this morning, school day, off, no school. Shuffle the driveway with the new electric snow blows.

I got it. One for him, one for me. And then we went next door to the neighbors. Nice. And we went across the street, did another neighbors. Dolores. Dolores has gone. No, she's not dead.

She's just moved. That's, you know, we're old. Dolores has gone. And then went down, did the other neighbor, and then did another neighbor, did four neighbors. And he made money. And the last one, he got his friends to help him, he paid him five bucks each, his kid's good.

Yeah, good kid. Yeah, good kid. Yeah, and that's small talk, but yeah, it's a thing in me and Bobby for years will be on the phone talking and then he'll go like, put me on with the lady behind the counter. Yeah, and then she's like, hello, but oh, and he's like

Just trash me and something she's like oh, no, he's a nice guy. Don't listen to him. Don't have it as jokes He's yelling at them. It's one of my you one of it's been one of life's great pleasures. Yes Yes calling you when you're gonna get your muffin or your apple fritter and then him talking to whoever whatever Probably 20 different countries by this time, you've tried to talk to them off loving me. It doesn't work, you know, these ladies, they see me every day, you know what I mean? I overtare, I hang out with them, I joke with them,

I, you know, I know their names. You're the one who taught me the tip. You're the one who taught me the tip. You tip like a fucking guinea. Yeah, you do. You tip like a fucking Italian. I Yeah, you do. You tip like a fucking Italian. I hotels, I leave 20. Yeah.

Valet, front desk. Yeah, I always tip. People love a nice tip. They love it. You forget that most of the people that work for us more on the road aren't getting shit. They're not getting anything. Anything.

And then a guy like us rolls up and we like, no, here's another asshole. You drop him a fucking 10 spot or a 20. They lose their minds. It's not even the money. You're actually showing them a little love. That you're showing them a little love. And being like, hey, this is how it should be, you know?

Yeah, 100%. Yeah. All right, dude, we're gonna wrap this up. We got questions real quick for you. You are. And a small talk is at what theater? At the, it's called the Greenwich Theater on Barrow Street. Greenwich Theater, how many people is it hold?

The theater holds 199. What did you just say? The theater. That's how they used to say it in the old days in New York. You're going to the theater. Go ahead. Question. Questions, here we go.

Let me get my glasses on. I can't read. Isn't it crazy? I can't see anymore. My fans love you. They fucking love you. It's just you. The girls. They just. Oh, okay. Here we go. Ready? Yes. Steve. F. Mary kill. Chip Chippeson Doug Bell or Jim Norton. Oh, that's a very good question. It is. I would say Norton. Oh, that's a very good question. It is. Um, I would say, uh, F Doug Bell. Really? Well, out of those three. Yeah. And Mary Jim Norton killed Chip Chipperson. I would kill Jim Norton, but I hate you. Oh, and then the other two wouldn't exist. Kill the source. I would

kill the source. Yeah. I just kill him. him. And then I jerk off on his grave. How's that? What? And then I'd marry his girlfriend. I dumped on. I tell her to go see your stupid show by yourself. Fucking asshole. She is. Grow weed. Collins favorite movie from the past year. Oh, and I guess, yes. It's an easy guess one. Wakanda. That's not it. Ben, cheese of Innisphere, whatever's called that, that Irish one. What is it? That Irish one with Colin Farrell. No, the fucking Anxiety. You mean, bruge too? Yes. It's fucking otherwise known as boring. Did you watch it? I watch

Bruges, but this one's funny. That Bruges was funny. It was a good one, but it was fucking. It was now this one's got this one's really like an Irish small town. Just let me tell you the plot. I don't know if you the spoiler alert, but this is why it's funny. The plot is that these two guys go out, they're in a small Irish town in 1920. They go out drinking, they're drinking buddies. Every day they work on the farm and then they go drinking. And one day Colin Fowler shows up at the other guy's house

and goes, hey, you ready to go to the pub? And he goes, no, and he just turns around and won't talk to him. And everybody in town is like, what the hell? Why won't he talk to you? And then finally, he just goes, cause I don't wanna hang out, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore. You sure this isn't the gym, what the hell? Why won't he talk to you? And then finally, he just goes, because I don't want to hang out, I don't want to hang out with you anymore.

You sure this isn't the gym, not in story? Ah! Would Robert's referring to for those of you that don't know his gym gave us the high hat about nine years ago? We were all on team, and one day Jim just told us, and quietly, he never said he just walked

away. He just got a castle like Rapunzel and never invited us up. Yeah. So, so he never talked to him and so yeah. And that's the whole plot. Yeah, it sounds like going drinking with him. So, but we have a find out why? Yeah, he says because he's, he's just, he's built, he's boring. That's it. But then it goes from there. Okay. Well, I'll have to see that sounds exhilarating. Oh, God. What the next? Collins, Fattos Bobby story. Um, well, I mean, me and, me and Bob, I've been up to 248 myself, which for my size was pretty substantial. And we would, we would get into like these fat one time we were driving. We just drove to Penn Strait, Penn State.

It was four hours. We just stopped at a supermarket, not at a seven, 11 at a supermarket. And we ate everything you could eat. Just bags, boxes of cheeses. And we just punched each other and ate the whole ride there and the whole ride back and it was one of the most fun nights of all time. That's why I travel with these fucking sissy beds over here behind me. And we used to fight each other.

Yeah, we'd fight the whole trip. Like if I'm on the road with Joe Russell, it's like being with a fucking literally like a bar stool. Like if someone took a bar stool and stuck on a seat, it's the same energy. I told you, Joel, my greatest comedy ever written was all outro's of Joe. Really? Yeah, my column the year, a total of Sockety. Sockety's brother. What you call tonight? Sockety's brother.ggers brother, I call him a call him a you know, greetings from Azeri Park, because he looks like springsteen in 76. I said he looked like the gay brother of the Saudi royal family that they sent to be you. The best

out of you ever written was about Joe Russell. Oh you would said the first time you saw, but you said, did I see you at a 1960s Vietnam protest? Yeah, it looks like Abby Hoffman. Yeah, Joe looks like the bartender and cruising, the Al Pacino movie. I have a go. This is from Blue, you know, Blue.

Oh, I love Blue. Ever thought of doing a one-man show about polygamy? I'm willing to help with research. Oh my, whoa, I like her. Yeah, dirty. Yeah, you like her. That's a nice dirty question. Yeah, you like that?

Yes. Wait, you dick get hard with your hair. It's beautiful. You hear a fucking wheelchair engine go off. Whoa. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Steam hot. She's hot. She's hot. Yeah. She gave me a ride on a wheelchair at the last gig when I was at SoulJose. Yeah, it was really hot. She'd rubbed me right to the bathroom. I jumped on the back.

You did? Yeah, I jumped on the back. She's so awesome. She's fucking funny, too. She's really funny. I mean, comic funny. Yeah. Yeah.

I told you she said to me that time, right? One time I was talking to we have to the show and I go, uh, yeah, I said, Oh, God, I'm saying, you know, my legs are so skinny, you know, genetics. Yeah, tell me about bed genetics. I'd like to, I'd be interested to hear. She said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she did pay me with that one. So funny. David Marsha, what's the scariest experience of your life? Good question. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Well, the ones I would tell on the air, you know, some of those scary experiences you can't really tell them until you're on your deathbed. Yeah, right. It's a, you know, you're last and final fifth step. Yeah, you don't want to, you know, the, um, no, just because, you know, people still, you know, they're arrested. People are still around.

Right. But I would say, um, I mean, one time, uh, a guy, uh, stabbed, stabbed me in the side. You've been stabbed? Yeah, but only slightly. It wasn't, this is when I was a kid. I was like 15. Please don't ever touch me. My God, just put the, uh, just put the knife there

and just cut me. Oh my God. Yeah. Fight what was you trying to get you to do, you suck as dick? No, you're trying to rob me. What'd you have? A quarter. I had 50 cents.

Did you give it to him? No, what'd you do? I ran. What's he stabbing? I was just like, his friend was holding me holding me really I just fucking busted free and ran did you have to get stitches? No, I never got stitches just as it scar still there. No, I can't see it no more That's crazy about about the time we we got shot at in Iraq I mean in Kuwait Iraq we're in Iraq the best that best, that was great. Because I was up front with Steve Bern,

and I leaned out with Steve Bern, and they're shooting us, and the guy said, you'll know this when this, what did he say, he told the beginning of that story. When the flares go off, when you see the flares go, that means they're shooting rockets at us, and I was going off.

So they'll, the rockets are heat seekers, and they'll hit the flares. And I was in off. So they'll, the rockets are heat, heat seekers, and they'll hit the flares. And I was in the back of the plank because the fucking US-Olated hated my guts. She loves Steve. Because he loves Steve. Cah, Steve was Asian. Steve, at that age, was very lovable.

He was real twink. Yeah, he was an Asian twink. I mean, dude, they loved Steve. She loves, she hated me. This is my second tour with you. And the first one was at DePaulo. And we got a big trouble in that one. Big trouble.

And we were, and this one, she didn't, and I, you know, she brought you up to the front because she had to. You didn't like you either. She didn't like me, no. But she brought Steve up and she, I didn't get to go sit up on the front. I'm in the back and they told us if the flares go off,

that means we're being shot at. I thought it was a sunset. So I said the guy next to me, the Marine, I go, hey, can you take my camera and take a picture of me with the sunset behind me? He goes, that's not the sun, those are rockets idiot. Oh, and then I'm sitting with Steve up front and we see this going on. We're like, oh my God, this is actually happening. And I lean over to Steve and I go, at least I can say I

made it. You're never going to make it big. We just never going to know if you were going to make it big. And as I look at that, we got we got here's one for you. Q to Colin or maybe more respectful request. Can you please put your recent work last best hope small talk on Netflix or Amazon Prime or any international platform? I've watched all your work including your 2004 parents on Ring My Bell by the great Oh God damn it. Oh God, dammit. They got me too, dude. They got me. He got me.

I like the way he set it up. He got me. They got me with my ego. I shouldn't know him by his fucking name. Fahad Aliquanti. Tantanti, what the fuck is name is? Michelle, what is your member of an action reaction? This is a good one.

I'm gonna save this one for last. What is the black clover the best television show ever? Is black clover the best devil's show ever? Black clover, black clover the best television show ever. I don't know that show. I don't either. Have you ever thought of your have you ever thought this again? This is going to make you mad. Have you ever thought of releasing Tough Crowd on DVD? Oh, yes, I have the total rights to it. That's why that's why the minute it was off the year I stopped putting it on or immediately and never ran reruns because I have the rights to it. What do you think? Think it through please. Hang on, don't, don't. You know what happens when

you bite your finger? Yes. You black out a little bit. Yes. What's your favorite and most memorable interaction with the great late Norm McDonald? Oh, I mean, there's so many, but like I was telling somebody the other day, like Norm would get you to like, uh, he'd say something, then get you to change your mind and agree with him. And then when you agree with me, like, you get people like one of you, you say it. And then when they go, you're right, Norm on the day, I didn't tell you to do that. So like, when a, do you say it and then when they go, you're right, normal to do it. I didn't tell you to do that. So like we went to like,

when we went to Boston shooting grownups, we had all this time off. Nobody else had as much days off as we did because they were all on all the time of our friends. So we would be hanging out and he'd wake up. I got to buy jeans. I need jeans. It's like, all right,

we'll go to the jeans, you know, we're gonna lucky. We have the jeans to always at the time. And normal dress, we'll go to the jeans, you know, we're going to lucky you have the jeans store was at the time and normal dress. So we go in the jeans store, he goes, I need jeans, he screams in the store because I go and sort of recognizes and there's people in the store and then the guy goes, okay, he goes, I need a size and he goes, like, well, what are you about a lot of a lot? Why do you check in me out? And he goes, like, no, no, they bring some jeans. He's like, we can go change in the back. What? Go, you know, into the changing booth. You want me to take

my pants off? Are you telling me to go in the back so you can have me take my pants off? I think I was like, well, to change. And then he's just going to look at what's up for this guy. You don't want to get in the back of the room with this guy. He'll have your pain. He tried to give me a take my pants off in the middle of the store. I just he was distorted, but it was all exactly

what the person said. So they couldn't say, no, I didn't say that. He would say it the way they said it. And Holly, you know, we were implying. Yeah, yeah. We just changed. It was exactly what they said. So it'd be so funny.

And you have a whole store like, they sort of were laughing, but it would be so funny. And they had a whole store, like, they sort of were laughing, and it was kinda weird. But every place you went to, we would do that. Every place. Really? So he was just funny all the time. Always funny. Yeah.

I mean, just funny in this, like, always off beats in that way. How did you get, how did he, you got the job from him on that side out? Yeah. Was that, was he okay with that? No, it was really ugly with us for a while. Why, really?

Because it was just weird, man. It was just weird. Why did they fire him? Well, you know, there's a million reasons that they would say, you know what I mean? Some people say, the OJ stuff, but it was also, you know, he was like any other community. He's got the finance, you know, he'll just do what he's going to do. And then... Comic-Gago. No the finance, you know, he'll just do what he's gonna do. And then...

Comic-ego. No, well, yeah, but also just an entire authority, you know what I mean? Just does not like authority, and you don't tell him what to do. And he just, you know, whatever you tell somebody in comedy to do, they usually want to do the opposite, you know. So why we became comedians, you know.

Right. Yeah. So that was just, because we don't have bosses. We're gonna be himself. Yeah. We why we became comedians, you know, yeah. So that was just because we don't have bosses. We're going to be himself. Yeah. We don't have to fucking ask somebody if we can do something. We just want to go to it and get the results. Yeah. And hopefully some somebody will pay you to do it. Yeah. I mean, even on talk shows, he's so funny, but he's if they don't want to go along when they go along, it's great. And luckily, most of them understood that. Right. But when people don't understand too bad, he's going where he's going.

And he was right about most of the stuff. Absolutely. I mean, he was on the money, which is crazy now. So funny. Yeah. And did you ever go on his podcast? No. Never.

No. Are you sad about that? No, I am, of course. Yeah. Yeah. All right, well listen, man, that's it. That wasn't that bad, was it? No, I am, of course, you know. Yeah. All right, well listen man, that's it. That wasn't that bad, was it? No, that was good.

You're yearly, that was good. Visit to my show. Yes. It's almost like a prison. Yeah. It's like you're visiting me. You should hold hands, put your hand up. I love you, man.

Really? I love you, man. I love you, brother. Pick up the phone. I love you. So please, you brother pick up the phone. I love you So please please go check out Colin Quinn. I mean listen, he's a you know a legend I don't want to use that because someone else uses that on a t-shirt His boss really a legend. Yes It's really a legend. Yes.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Should I call him real quick? He is a legend. Should I call him and ask him? No, he's just gonna judge. Anyways, listen, you're the real legend, man. You are, I mean, there's nobody has ever said a bad word about you, man.

Everybody loves you, everybody respects you, and you're always changing the game. You're always writing, man. Everybody loves you. Everybody respects you. And you're always changing the game. You're always writing, nobody works harder than you. And, you know, I can't, I mean, I love you, man. You're one of the top three people in my life, you know. And on every aspect of it, you just, you just, such a, you're one of the best people I've ever met. And I'm so glad I know you hate doing these, but I'm so glad you came on. I'm going to buy tickets to my, your show. Don't buy tickets to let me take care of it. I'll hook you up. What, what is the show running to? It runs all of April. So we're in what? It's gonna. It's when it's pretty February.

It's still it's March 30th. So March 30th. So can you, all right, will you get me tickets? Yes. For like a Monday. Yes. What time's the show start? Seven.

Okay, can't go. It's beautiful. I can't go. When I'm doing the bonfire Monday Tuesday Wednesday. I can do Thursday. I'll do Thursday, but I go to leave on Thursday. I'm coming. I'm gonna make sure that we can, huh?

I need a Thursday ticket. I'm gonna bring Max and Don. You want to walk Don home? If you fucking did something with my wife, did you do something with my wife? Look at me. Did you give her a kiss on the cheek? Wow.

Look at me. What are you looking over there for kiss on the cheek? Wow. Look at me. What are you looking over there for? What are you trying to remember? I can't believe, I can't believe you're asking me this. I'm asking, did you give her a kiss on the cheek? I can't believe. What are you holding? You're jumping?

Get you, you're balls picking up to ask me this. What? I don't know. I'm just wondering. I feel like I'm, I'm balls picking up to you. You call me, you call me. You ask me this. Call me Jake Molata. You're

Jake Molata. Jake Jake. Jake. Jake. Oh, there's a good. I know. I know. I know. Yeah. Listen and he goes Joey. Yeah, you answered the quote you answered all you haven't asked the question. Yeah, you still have it either you have any answer question. I may have given you a kiss on the cheek. What? You gave my wife a kiss on the cheek. You gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. You her. Are you kissed her? Are you both there? I gave her a hug and a kiss What how hug just a hug what kind of hug the kind of hug we like did you Did your face go into her neck let me look I was like look I know Bobby's had a town What you're giving her a fucking pep talk? You gave her a fucking pep talk you You gave her a fucking pep talk?

You should be happy with friends that walk your wife home. I should be, but I don't want fucking the St. Nick of all my friends to everybody fucking loves. Stop with this, you gotta stop doing this. If you do this in your plan, I'm gonna throw something. You thought three times, do you? Because it's addictive, you got me doing it now, too. Fuck it, the bird, it the bird the booker

And I get to get out of here. I love you. I know we're fucking here too long Colin Quinn go check him out Yeah, please we'll put all the information in the details. It's right here click on check him out on all the social media One of the funniest guys on social media from the get go the great Colin Quinn I love you buddy. Thanks so much. I love you. I want to take a picture real quick. Comicwearables.com, robbercallylive.com. I want to thank all my guys over here. Joe Russell at Mike V. Suarez, who's with me at Tampa. You got Max, Mini Max.

You got Autistic Danny, Social Media Guy. Also very funny. We're going to put their links in here too. You got to go check these guys out support their comedy check I'm out there be with me on the road at the pussy cat you guys are the best fans in the world. We'll see you next week You know what the podcasts later You've been listening to the YKWD podcast Thanks for listening

Now go back to your shitty jobs. you you you you you you you