Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - College and More AssPlay - With Joe DeRosa and Bill Dawes

Episode Date: July 11, 2011

College and More AssPlay - With Joe DeRosa and Bill Dawes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is Jim Norton and unfortunately for you, you're listening to the, you know what, dude? Podcast. You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? On the Glory Hall Radio Network, gloryhawradio.com. Alright, hey, what's up? This is Robert Kelly and this is another episode of You Know What Did podcast. I'm actually getting pretty good at that. Even though it's supposed to be my voice. Joe does the best one. Actually, Billy does a good one. Yeah, I know mine's becoming just an impression of Billy's impression. Yeah, we're here with Joe to Rosa as pretty much always I guess

Who I love the time. I mean a lot of time. I'm a Well too much. It's gonna be I'm gonna have to change that photo soon The other country headphones. It's gonna be Joe right next to my fucking face Going yeah, and Joe I have to make your photo a little, just in case you don't show up on a Monday. Um, I would shoot, why would I not, why would you even say that? What? Why would you even put that in the people's heads that I would be capable of not showing up? I don't want people to like you, but they do.

That's not the problem. Everybody's fucking loves you on this thing. They love me and you together. It's this fucking, that's why fucking bill just bill doses here too. Third wheel. I got to, I got to tell you, Bill, can I, can I permission to speak to you? Yeah, go ahead. It's going to be a gay comment. No, it's not. People don't like you on the podcast bill. Really? I like that. That's good, right? They fucking day. Love that. They, uh, I don't know what it was. Why don't they care about me? I don't

know if it's Joe set the bar too high or You're just a high bar. You know his dysfunction. Maybe you're too normal. No, I'm dysfunctional You are but they didn't like the cheating story Yeah, but see that's a cheating story, but it was it was it was a great story But Joe's a creep Joe's just I think the people who listen to my podcast can relate to him Way more than they can relate to you. You know fucking Jiu-Jitsu, you do Broadway, you're in shape, you're a good looking guy.

They probably Googled you and went, you know. Well, even Bill's cheating story, he's still awesome in the story. Yeah. He's like, I was on Broadway doing a show. I meet a woman on a television program who wants to have sex with me.

No, don't forget she's a multi-millionaire. Yeah, yeah. My girlfriend is angry but she didn't dump me. I roll away down to her fucking condo high rise down in fucking Chelsea. Yeah. Where she showed me her time traveling capsules that she's working on and let me experience the phenomenon before anybody else in the world. Yeah, Joe's cheat stories are usually him getting cheated on. And then him meeting a fucking 10 piece of bucket of KSC shirtless on the couch. Much more compelling to this audience. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Audience, these are like coffee talk.

We had Jesus Christ, you know, we went to gloryholeradio.com. The podcast is new on gloryholeradio.com with a bunch of other great podcasts. Why you sucking bad, the Jersey jerks, Jim Florentine's gloryhole, and mad scientist hour or something like that. I think it's I can't even remember that fucking name. It's actually a pretty good podcast. It's this nerd and this other dude and they're just fucking thwabin out and I actually love that. That sounds awesome. Yeah, it's really cool. You should check it out. I forget the fucking name of it. My mad scientist party hour, I think it's called it's actually pretty all the podcast on Gloryhole are actually good. Why you suck in bed is two chicks? You don't know what they look like. There's no photos on the internet

But they're supposedly smoking hot They got to be ugly. They're not I fucking asked there the smoking hot and you can't see them and they just talk dirty dirty That smart that if they are hot that smart that they don't put their pictures up because then they don't have the fucking creeps finding them and Yeah, how can they find them just with a picture? Because I found like on Twitter all these semi-funny girls have really hot photos and then they get like 10 million followers, is because they say, Well, that's why it's smart is that they're not basing it on their fucking looks, they're

basing it on their podcast and they're fucking, they're very, very creepy. I mean, they talk about dirty shit. Oh, they talk about disgusting dirty shit, suckin' dick and dick and fuckin' and so it's actually very interesting. You got the Jersey jerks too, you know them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like those jerks. They're fuckin' great guys, those fuckin' lunatics.

Just fuckin' Jersey douchebags in a basement somewhere with some, one of that chicks is there. Oh, did the night I called in? This is true, we had to call in to promote one of the screenings for our film and I called in before Bobby. So he wasn't on, and I didn't know. And I swear to God, I heard the girl go, hey, Jell, and I go, oh, Bobby's on.

What's up, dude? That's not Bobby. That's the girl host. And you might take that as an insult to me, but it's actually insult to her. Cause she sounds like she smokes like fucking nine packs a cigarette today. Hey, Jell, how are you, dude? But and then the other one is glory hole, which is the mothership, I don't know, the guy who found Rob. Good guy. It's him and two twinks and a black dude in a room. Just two hot little young boys. And, him, he looks like fucking David.

And do the acidies dad, they talk about glory holes? No, no, no, that's just the name of the show. And then that's the first podcast. And so what if Jim Florentine's on the Jim Florentine's podcast, this is layers two. If you haven't heard of yet, go to gloryholeradio.com and subscribe to it on iTunes and all that. That's one thing I want to say too. If you listen to this on gloryhole,

make sure you subscribe to it on iTunes too. Get it on fucking iTunes, subscribe. Because I want to be in the top 10, right Joe? Yeah, it's not good. What's the hype you've gotten so far? 31. You're up to 31? No, this week we're on, we went up to 31.

We almost broke the top 20 where you get in that view, the first view you don't have to click on the channel. The other is, yeah. You're up to 31. We got almost 10,000 downloads this week. Wow. Oh, it's gotta be over now. That was a few days ago, so. Now that I'm on the show, it's gonna be nothing, right? We got over almost 10,000 downloads this week. Oh, it's got to be over now. That was a few days ago, so.

Now that I'm on the show, it's going to be nothing, right? Oh, yeah, this is definitely a throwaway show. This is a fucking hey, we're going on vacation. This is like when the band puts out an EP between the albums. Yeah, this is... Joe's a real form today, I love it. Anyway, so subscribe to the podcast, make sure you tell fucking everybody about it.

And there you go, we're on the new network, gloryhomenetwork.com. Yeah, we were all hanging out last night, but first of all, let's just get back to you. I, I, I, I, I don't know what it is. I love you, Bill. Bill's a good looking guy. I, I think you need to be honest. I, I, I, I, I, I think you need to be a little more honest. Honest about what? I'll be honest. I'll be completely honest about anything right now. What a hunk of shit you really are.

I'm kind of a hunk of shit. This is what, this is what a hunk of shit is. I went to see his play on Broadway. Lombardi, unfuck unbelievable. You were great in it. This was a legitimate unbelievable cast. I think it was what five person cast, right?

Six people. Six people. Very sparse set, not too much stuff. It was all acting. And it was great. I loved it, but you would come out in your little tight football pants and a wife beater. And he's pretty shredded.

He's a good guy. And they gave him a wig too, and the wig was just basically his same haircut, which I didn't get. With curl, with locks. Oh, was it locks? Yeah. And every once in a while, you'd see him shake out his tricep.

You know what I mean? I know, I saw it. I didn't notice he did that until you pointed it out. And then I was like, he did do that. Just shaking out his muscles. When she told me that ruined it for me, I always had that tricep shake in my mind. I couldn't, every time I was like,

this is stupid. But it made sense in the part, like because you're like in the locker room. And he's getting older. I mean, here's the thing that people can hate me. I'm getting older than you guys. You know, well, maybe not a little bit. How old are you? I'm 37. You know, older than's the thing that people can hate me. I'm getting older than you guys. You know, well, maybe not a little bit. How old are you?

I'm 37. You know, older than me. How old are you? 33. 33? Jesus. How old do you think I was? I hope you stay this look forever.

I hope it doesn't get worse. What? Do I look older? I'm certain I think I look old. I'm certain to get that. People who, you're 33? Yeah. I get, I get your 40.

Holy shit, you look younger. I don't look 40. I have beautiful skin. No thanks to my wife, not one fucking face. Or once a year, I get a facial. Don't give me the finger. She's over there. My wife is always in the, I've listened to my podcast.

She's always in the background. She just let her fucking sit in on one. I thought she was cross stitching. She was playing with her iPhone. I thought she was cross stitching. I was like, man. What is cross stitching? Yeah, what is that?

You never saw a woman do cross stitching where they have the thing on the circle thing and I don't know what it's called, Joe. Think Stitcheth, my mommy should do it when I was a kid. That's why I know what it is. Well, we know what you did with her. Joe, come here, sit on mommy's lap. Mommy, look, I made a sock. I think I did do what once. Now, you make little pictures and then you stitch pictures. You made one. I think I did do what once. Now you make little pictures, and then you stitch pictures. You made one? I think I did, yeah.

Come on. I'm like a cat or something. You remember everything from your childhood. You don't remember this specifically. I'm pretty sure I did. God, you're like Casey Anthony's father on the stand. You know what you don't know. I'm pretty sure I did a cross stitch once.

I don't know. It's like saying I'm pretty sure I color the picture of a fish one. I'm pretty sure I did. What stitch once. I don't know. It's like saying I'm pretty sure I colored a picture of a fish one I don't know I'm pretty sure I did. It's not it's fucking dude I know when I colored some shit. That's that's random. Maybe you didn't do that every kid colored and I don't know Anybody who crossed it. Yeah, I don't know. Well, I'll tell you this at a cabbage patch doll. Well you amish I had a cabbage patch kid which one It was a brown hair and we kind of? Uh, it was a brown haired way. It kind of looked like me and it had brown curly hair and uh...

All the cabbage patch dogs looked like you. Yeah, was it a boy or girl? It was a boy. I can't remember his name. God, I wish I could remember his name right now. It had a really dumb... They all had like those ridiculous names. But I got it for Christmas and I remember my grandfather

teased me all Christmas morning. Did you get your doll? You get your little doll? kept making fun of me about it. It was like, I was like seven. Yeah, but yeah, so there's that. I definitely remember that. So I think cross stitching was not far out of the wheelhouse

at that point. It was the only child, right? Yeah. Yeah, there it is right there. It was, yeah, there's a lot to figure out. Just lucky you came out of that liking chicks. There's an ass tray right in front of you. Well, he had it over there.

He had it over there. Oh, where allergies are acting up? I didn't want to put in front of your face. We're at a kitchen table. We're not in a fucking studio. What do you mean over there? It was reach over there with your long thin arms. And latch onto it with your fucking ET fingers like rabbit

I like to use in the cap. All right. He's a sample game the sample cap So so yeah, Bill I think that I don't know man people like they love I don't think it's more that they don't like you They love fuck to hate me and Joe. I don't know. We got a little thing We got a little thing. I yeah, you know, I feel like I'm kind of button in here, and that's all right You're not button in we want to go on the podcast cuz we want people to like you No, I don't mind if they hate me as long as it gets you more viewers viewers. Well, that's probably why that You know I realized too fucking egotistical About the podcast yeah

Not that we don't get along in real life. We get along very well. We're close friends. But we get along our best on the podcast. Yeah, because we never argue, we're right on the same page the whole time. There's never any, it never gets that point. Well, I mean, so far at least.

No, the only got five and six. You never had a chance. You fucking dish. You've never had an axe to grind with each other at all. Never about me. On the podcast, we disagree. We argue, but not like we are, I mean, in real life, me and Joe go at it.

But you get to stand though, the times we go at it. Look, there's random times, but in the last year, we've spent so much time together. It's not like with just friends where we see each other to have a good time. We're on the phone, I mean, even the last month, hours, three, three, four, five hours a day

at working, working, working on something that we can't talk about. Fuck me. Just hate it. But you can talk about. Oh, fuck me. I just hate it. But you can talk about your film, right? You can talk about the film, we can talk about the book, we can talk about the entry.

Well, we're working on the film. There were plenty of fights to story that process. Come on, there's gotta be a story there. No, there's no story. It's just dude, it's so much time. It's tense, man. It's pressure. It's pressure It's a lot of pressure took over the the I'm trying to start the podcast. I'm sorry. I think that's his only way in right

I don't want to listen me. I'll just ask questions Yeah, provocative questions. So you're only tell Joe huh? I You have Build you have siblings. Yeah, I've two older brothers. They're both really Real it's right here. I'm gonna hit the talk. They're both That's sorry. Sorry. That's a listen scene get the guy off. Yeah, sorry. They're both hot

That's how real hang on that's how real this podcast is man We don't mess around we don't have a studio podcast is man, we don't mess around, we don't have a studio. Yeah, stuff like that never bothers me when I hear it on something. Like, when stuff like that happens, it makes me shocked that radio and wasn't always like that. Like, it's like, why do they always feel like they had to cut all that shit out of it? It's like, who cares?

Who cares? Who cares if there's somebody talking in the room in the background and you deal with it and then they leave? It never bothered. I think Stern broke, was the first guy to break that, right? Was he the first guy to just be like, have people just walk into the room and start talking in the middle of something?

And, yeah. Or was I am the first guy that did that? I don't know, I mean, look, I mean, the complaints we get on this fucking thing, I mean, it's so fucking crazy. And it's so funny that the people that love it, just love it and don't comment, you know what I mean? Some of them do, but the ones that comment,

the ones that have an extra grind, as you would say. It's always the one, you know, do it. The podcast is great, but you fucking tell Joe to stop breathing into the microphone. I know, I think I've been doing that a lot. Can you hear me breathing? Well, it's a fucking shitty, fucking sinus connection you have. A little baby nose for that huge head.

Doesn't fit fucking Mr. Potato Head. But they didn't matter me, too. It was a smoke and drink. You know, they hate hearing me smoke. It's like, you know what? Dude, go fuck yourself. Yeah, I don't know. Like I never got when people would say,

don't chew near the mic. Who gives a shit? It's like, when you're hanging out, people are talking and eating and stuff. It doesn't seem to be that though. You know what, on a studio mic, those mics are so high-end and sensitive that you can hear it really good

when you listen to it. So it does sound, it's like someone's sucking on a candy. I fucking hate that. That. Oh, that Jerry Lewis Lossage thing. Yeah, the Lossage. I, oh, yeah. I remember how I was serving when I was a kid.

I remember he would burp and I would be like, oh my God, I can't believe he just burped on there. That's so crazy. That's, I love that. And a, Rustman Eve was the only comic I've ever seen. Manine will burp just in the middle of a joke. I'll just be talking about that. And people write laugh.

Just, sorry guys. And I'll just keep talking to it. And people love it, right? And people love it, right? Fucking funny, yeah. Yeah, well, Joe's burps are the worst. Yeah, they get mad at me about the burps. Well, because he's wearing a Skype and it's it's just I mean can you muster one up?

I can't if it if it comes later it will I don't really many food my stomach right now so I can't it's burps It sounds like he's puking and burping and farting We used to record him in college Yeah, your burps are disgusting and they like long and like they cut they shoot out He opens his mouth Then they shoot out from the back of that little flap thing. What is that called the uvla the uvla and you can hear it just smack and On the ass. It's we should do this sometime. We used to do this when I was in college. We should laugh our balls off I would I would we record it. I would

Chug two two warm sodas as fast as I could. And we recorded, we called it puke burps. And I would just burp as hard and loud as I could and get as much fluid in as I could. And it always sounded like I was going to puke. And we would just record it and listen to it and laugh really fucking hard. We should record that once. No, no, no, dude, I hate college. I never liked college. After, after talking to Joe, and I kind of want to go back. I know where you got to college. I went to Kutztown University,

which was a state school in Pennsylvania in a town called Kutztown. And it was, excuse me, Kutztown was in the almost Amish country, but like it was the Mennonite community, basically. So, Lancaster? It was about an hour and a half from Lancaster, right near Bethlehem and all those areas. So it was like what it was was, for miles surrounding Kutztown, it was farmland and

field, it's beautiful country. And then you'd drive through all that for an hour, you know, and then you'd get to like this little nucleus which was Kutztown and it was this college town. The town itself was probably two square miles or something. It was tiny. And the college basically ran the town. You know, there were locals, but it was mostly college kids. So everything in the town sort of catered towards the college kids. So the saying was, everybody would always say, if you weren't an alcoholic when you got to Kutztown, you'd be one when you left, because all there was to do was drink and get stoned.

It actually Kutztown made the top 10 letterman list one year for our best places to be on Halloween. Oh, really? Yeah. And it was just this party school. It was like 11,000 kids, which is a perfect size for school. Big enough to be anonymous, but small enough that you can know people.

Yeah. And know a lot of people. And it was, it was just the fucking best time, man. You know, you're just in college. We made up this drink. They, the old Crow whiskey. It was $7 for a bottle of it. That's all we could afford.

So we'd buy that and dollar two liters of Pepsi. And we made this drink. We just called it the boiling oil and it was old-grown Pepsi it tasted like shit But you know, we would just do shit like that we drink that in the fucking apartment in Blair, AC DC gets stoned Like fucking idiots like just children was literally like just letting children exactly drink So everyone was just fucking great. Great time. And it was one of the schools where it was basically a giant orgy too. Yeah. I mean, yeah, there was a lot of hook and up and stuff like that.

And I remember my friends that lived in the building with me. They panny rated every party we went to. It got panny rated. It was like the 60s. Every party we went to during the semester, they panny rated the girls rooms. And they had all these fucking panties and we had this thing called the panty-lowout the end of the semester. We just brought a keg out into the balcony of our shitty apartment building that we lifted and we hung all the panties up and invited

all the girls from all the places and they were they thought it was funny. They were like that's isn't my panties And that's why they like Joe. What do you got? Well, I want to I want to Princeton University. You really? What the Princeton? Yeah, really well, maybe this will make people like me. I want to Princeton and And I was an aerospace engineer and I'm a fucking loser unemployed actor comic Whoa whoa whoa you are a fucking what? No, what were you in college? I was an aerospace engineer for what were you gonna do with that? It's gonna be a rocket scientist and and and and you stopped that to do acting and comedy Well, first of all, I was just because

I want to prince it doesn't mean I'm smart, number one. Yes, it does. No, no, no, no, fucking, yes it does. Yeah, I want to fucking bunker Hill Community College. That means I'm dumb. No, the Kutztown. He was a fucking shade above me. I'm sorry, this is how I got,

my high school was all black, and I'm totally fucking white trash. So they had like a white trash quota, they had to fill. And I was that. Yeah, but if you went to Princeton and took fucking remedial English and math, I'd be okay. You went and fucking became an astronaut.

Yeah, if you went to Princeton for theater, you're like, all right, yeah, big deal. Yeah, you, you, you, how did you become a for aerospace engineer? No, no, no. How many classes away, no, no, I, big deal. How did you become a fero space engineer? No, no. How many classes away? No, no, I got my degree. In what?

In aerospace engineering. Go fuck yourself, better. What was your GPA? My GPA was like 3.0. Jesus Christ. Dude, I don't even know what GPA means. I'm not even saying a fero space engineer. Okay, let me just debunk a minute here.

This is why people don't like it. Yeah, damn it, let me just debunk. First of all, a lot of morons at Princeton, number one. A lot of legacy and fucking six foot four blonde, fuckheads who went to, you know, deer field and shit like that. A bunch of morons,

because they're dad and they're granddad and all that crap. They rode crew and shit like that. So there's a lot of morons. And B, when you get into a school like Princeton, you don't have to do anything, you're in. They don't want to expel anyone Can you stop one second? Okay, Joe just picked up a towel that I jerked off with yesterday Yep, I jizzed in that yesterday. Why would be on the cloud be on the table

I picked it up off the floor today and clean in the table and I put it right there to set Joe up There's no jizz. I'm looking at this or jizz all right, all right Believe what you want to believe so there's no there's nothing on it looks kind of stiff That might be that might not be the initial one I used that the big one that might be the the wipe up the residual Disgusting. I'm disgusting. Why don't you ask for a fucking new paper towel? Because I didn't want to stop the podcast I'm going. It's not you. It's not. It's just a tapatow. Go ahead. Is it really?

Now, this is the best part. Now, I'm serious. It wasn't my just towel, but he's going to be fucked for the rest of the podcast. This is the place I'd like him in. Not the initial fuck you, dude. Is it really? No, it's not. He's arguing worse right now.

He's not past it. All right, you passed it? Yeah, I was trying to. I want to stop everything to get a tissue. All right, go ahead. I'm sorry, for cutting you off. Sure, there's nothing, there's no other. There's no choice. Please, Bill, the audacity,

the audacity you have to have to even go, I'm gonna go into aerospace engineering. I couldn't even, like that wouldn't even cross my mind. You have to be a certain level of smart. Yeah, Stephen, wait, were you in high school? Did you guys know what you wanted to do with your lives? Yeah, I wanted to bang chicks. Exactly.

And sleep past 12. Yeah, so aerospace engineering logically. Well, right. Let me tell you something. I want to, I went to college for watercolor. Okay, I did, I did what I did watercolour. You majored in watercolor. I majored in fine arts, but that's pretty much drawing dicks and tits with chuckle pencils

and doing a couple watercolors. Yeah. Our college experiences were, me and Bobby's were so different, but almost the same. Cause it's like we were both just dumb guys. Yeah. But I went, I was like the dumb guy that knew he was dumb

and was like, fuck it, let's party. Bobby was the dumb guy that was like trying, like you can paint. No, I'm doing tree noses that he slept over at his. I actually went back to my shitty apartment by myself. Oh, it was a good meeting. Communing is the worst. She got it.

That's the thing that like when I talked a lot of people and I go, I'll say it, I'll go, I miss college, man. God is the best time. And people go, what are you nuts? And every time I go, what? You didn't love it. They always commuted. It's like, dude, you missed living there was like this whole other.

Dude, living in a dorm. I couldn't have done it. Why not? I was in fucking Juvie Jalen rehab. That's the same fucking thing. You know, living in a same thing, dude. Living in a square room with some roommate, using the fucking same bathroom.

Having a certain time you have to be in, or having people fucking telling you, oh, you can't do that. You had those N.R.s or whatever the fuck. All right, all right. All right, whatever they are. It's the same shit. I couldn't fucking, I was,

but the time I was 16, I was too independent. I was living on my own. I had my own place for me to go back to Being in that Environment it would be like being in Juveje, L.A. Get a being in rehab. Well, you don't even have to go in the dorms You could get an apartment right off campus and you still lived that was still living at school I did I just didn't have Did you get laid in college that I get laid in? I was that what college was I just didn't have anything. How did you get laid in college?

Did I get laid in college? What college was? I just hung out in the... In the community college? It was a bunk hill community college. And what it had was, it had these pits. They called them pits. But it was like, you know, lounges, big, huge lounges with furniture, those fireproof

couches and fireproof chairs and a TV. And they had one downstairs with ping pong tables. And then they had the one upstairs and they had the cafeteria. And I would just go hang out in those pits and I would just scoop checks all the time. I had so many bitches in college, it was ridiculous. It was fucking awesome. I remember there was one blonde girl, smoking hot, real like, I would say, Boston,

you know, that, you know, that, remember, theoking Hot. Real like, I would say Boston, that remember the early 90s, late 80s, that rock and roll, the acid wash jeans where the girls had no pockets on the bum. It was just tight ass. And they'd wear a ruffled fucking leopard tight shirt with their tits hanging out. And you know,

great style in the 80s. Yeah, that blonde highlights just blown out. And I finally picked this check up. We hooked up, I gave her a ride home. I'm talking to her on the way home and she just was dumb, just a dummy. Just stoop it. We get to our apartment, she lives in like a high rise

with her mother, a condo, which was weird back then, to actually have, you know, we had houses, three family houses. I didn't know anybody who lived in a fucking condo. What are you from Vegas? Right. I went back to her place, we got naked, and then I, oh, I remember I went down in a box, and she had a fucking dangle berry. Oh, that sounded me before. Some type of toilet, I don't know what it was, it was some type of piece of toilet paper in her butt and it was, and I remember it was like, you know what, your dog takes a shit

and he ate some type of yarn. So the shit comes out and like it's still a little piece just hanging off, like a fucking berry from a tree. And I remember it was just hanging on something and I, you know me, dude, I was like, fucking, I tapped out. I was like, I gotta go. She's like, where you going? I was like, I fucking gonna throw up in your elevators where I'm going.

You know, and I know she had to find that later and you know, lock it out. I remember once being at a nightclub with a couple of my buddies and one of my friends was married, he had just gotten married. So we, you know, we're getting used to that dynamic of a guy being married. And he like comes up to us. His wife's like standing 10 feet away from him.

And he comes over and he starts whispering to me in my buddy and he's like, he's like, we were up in the room before we came down to the club. And I told my wife wanted to go down in her and I went to go down in her and she had a piece of toilet paper stuck to her pussy and it grossed me out and I told her I didn't want to do this anymore.

She got mad at me and we came down here and we were laughing and he walked away and by other buddy goes, dude, he had absolutely no business telling us that's true. I'm so mad because he went, I don't want to do this anymore. We meet my pussy, no, the marry. Yeah, exactly.

I don't want to be around you anymore. I was dating this girl once, I was like, yeah, baby, I want to go down to you right now and I took her pants down and her pussy that day looked so red. It just looked red. Did you like running a horse? Like somebody was slapping it.

You know, just red. And I was like, I just stopped. I was like, can one of sex instead? I try to fucking worm out of it. I did that once with a girl. I ate her pussy, and I had gum in my mouth. I think I told the story before. No way. I gum, and I put the gum back up in the corner of my mouth

on the back molars, because I'm a professional. Because as soon as I'm done eating pussy, I want to chew that gum and get my fucking breath back to human being breath. Hey, you could just put a new piece of gum in your mouth. I didn't have any. That's all I had. I bumped it off her and that's really rude going,

yeah, do you have any gum? I just got done eating your fucking Italian hot box after waiting tables for some food. You have any gum to get this taste out of my mouth? But shit blew me. She could gargle with fucking bleach after it. I would understand. I'd be like, yeah, I get it.

Just fucking sucked it. I get it. I get it. I get it. All right. Well, sorry. I had a girl actually spit my hot load into a hot cup of coffee I just made her.

And then immediately turned into egg. Oh my God. But anyways, I digress. a cup of coffee I just made her, and then immediately turned into egg. Oh my God. But anyways, I digress. We, so I was eating her box and a piece of toilet paper, a nugget, and I put it, it was in my mouth, and it got like back, and I panicked.

I swallowed the toilet paper and spit the gum out. I went, oh, she was like, what's wrong? I was nothing, nothing. Whatever that was, it's fine. I'm gonna shit it out in a couple of days. Oh fuck. Back to you. Wait, hold on, let me just stand. Wait a minute, we need to fucking acknowledge this.

Do you understand how it's going? What the fuck have you done, Bill? No, what have I done? Like what, what we talking about? I wanna know if you ever fucking you know slapped pussy. Have you ever eaten some toilet paper? Yeah. What have you ever eaten some toilet paper? What have you done the worst thing I've ever done you should have to think about it. She just pop out I mean if you do this for five hours straight. Yeah, yeah, just back in my wife's right here

You tell a story come on you fucking Princeton grad well, I did get the clap once is that count as a story That's not very interesting. The clap is boring. Yeah. I wouldn't have read it. I wouldn't be impressed if you had AIDS that doesn't impress me. Here's a, here's, tell me, what is the clap by the way?

It's gonna be, right? It's gonna be, I think. Yeah. Is that VD? Yeah, of course it's a VD. Yes, look, I mean, is that a VD? I'm gonna question is that. I just don't know there's so many variations,

the syphilis What is syphilis? What is that? It's all being no dude. That's going down in the books that question. Well, what is syphilis? It's what is it another form of VD? So there's syphilis There's gonorrhea there's gonorrhea. There's chlamydia chlamydia, which is the clap right? No gonorrhea is the clap right no gonna read the clap committee is yeah that's that's exactly what I'm saying there's so many different variations of VD of venereal disease that I didn't I didn't know what that what I get what you saying let's move on here's something we and that is why kids a kid let me ask you a question for real about about this stuff I was saying I got Joe's not done. Go ahead Joe. It deserve it

That's it. That's it. Come on, Joe You got more if you get cancer in your foot. That's still cancer It's like there's so many strands of it dude. There's so many straights and zezes cancer disease. I think I really fucking That really was a legendary question dude Oh the fuck! Oh the fuck! That really was a legendary question, dude. That one's that's... So this is kind of related, but it's different.

I was saying this girl, she was really, really good in bed, and only in the blah, blah, blah. But one time I went to the bathroom, and she had like shred wheat diarrhea in the toilet. I could never have sex with her again. I literally was no longer could get it up for her. I go, and I went in, and I felt like I had a broach to stuff. I go, what was that in the toilet?

She goes, I don't know, breakfast. And I literally was like, I'll never get a boner. I want a fucking mariner. I don't know, Brett, no, I really can't stand there. I can't, my wife, thank God, my wife is very, she, I don't even know, she goes. Yeah, that's the way she's magic. It's magic in this house.

That's great. And I would have the same courtesy for the woman. I like the matches, I destroy all evidence. I'm sorry. I don't have that same courtesy. Women are engineered to deal with our shit. Like they look at it, they clean up or underwear the racing stripes, they're okay with it.

Right? She's just throwing them out. Yeah, she's seen a couple of things. Like even today I took a shit and I forgot the flush because the water wasn't on. And then she said, you know, right before you guys came out, did you flush the toilet? And I ran down. It is definitely a part of that basic, you know, female genetic makeup. By, dog. Have a good day. It's part of that basic, female genetic makeup, you know,

females, the compassion. More naturally are nurturers, you know, versus men being more naturally hunters or whatever she's gone. I'll tell you, I want, it's a couple times, where this is the problem though, is I took my regular toilet seat off of the toilet and I put a bidet seat on, so it's a little forward. So you've got to really sit back on it to get that shit to plop in the wall.

I don't want to hear this shit. So one time I found, I came home, and it was a fucking, just one little fucking nugget. Oops. That's a baby. So yeah, I mean, you know, space is great. You're talking about the Denver Nuggets? Yeah, the Dendon Nuggets.

Good team, strong team this year. Strong team. Yeah, came to the last Cormello. But they won the fucking whole thing. That's great. Oh, those Dallas, those Dallas. Sorry, I don't do it. Do it baby.

Just get out of here. Fucking trail lever. I almost fucking lost my shit. I was like, listen, I have rules. Even when I take a shit, she likes to grab something once in a while. Like, I need this. I got to go to work.

While you're shitting, she can come in during. You can't come in at the beginning. You can't come in at the end. you can't come in at the end. You can never see me pushing it out and you can never see me wiping it up because that's too much. You can come in when I'm just sitting there on my iPad, fucking checking out TMZ, but you cannot, you know, when I'm just sitting there, you can't come in at the beginning of the end. And I'll never go in. How is she going to know this beginning? I'll never see her. How is she going to know? Because she knows she doesn't never go in. How is she gonna know this beginning? I'll never see her How is she gonna know because she know she doesn't just come in? Okay. Yeah, I

I'm trying to think if I've ever oh, yeah, I did this girl I was dating once And it ended poorly And we do not care for one another anymore But I left her at my house one my apartment one day. I went over to do Oh, and a in the morning and she had stayed over the night before so I said you know sit tight I'll go do the radio I'll come back I'll take you out to lunch and when I came back I went into the bathroom and I could smell that she took a dump. Oh no. Oh! Oh! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I could love you were shitting or puke at the beginning. Little sound, buddy. So I went, I could smell that you took a dump,

and I remembered it. I filed it away, and it was like, I was like, let her say the wrong thing to me in front of a bunch of people, and I'm gonna fucking launch that out in front of everybody. I swear it away and it was like I was like let her say the wrong thing to me in front of a bunch of people and I'm gonna fucking launch that out for everybody. I swear to God I will because I am such an immature piece of shit. I'm so spiteful of shit like that. Yeah, that's why you took a shit in my apartment that day and it wreaked your fucking animal. But I can't wait. I wish she was. I wish she was because of a girl like farts in front of me. I'm like, ah, too bad the relationship won't work.

Really, that bugged you? Oh, yeah. I never had a girl fart in front of me. My wife never farted in front of me, but I was sleeping one night. And I guess she was holding it. And then when you go to sleep, I just heard, I just heard, sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss And I was like fucking giggling my ass off. It was fucking, it sounded like a little fucking person was trying to get out of our ass hole.

It was just awful. I was farting last week. I woke up, she was just giggling because I don't know what, I didn't shower that day. So my ass was a little, I took a bunch of shits I was a little gassy My ass was just playing a fucking bugle like this crazy and I woke up I heard the last little Like that as she was giggling. I'm like, oh what? She's like you've been farting like a bugle for like 10 minutes She was just sitting there cracking up.

Have you ever farted during orgasm? I have them meet a couple of weeks ago. You farted while you were coming? I was like, yeah, yeah. It is. My buddy John in college, I won't say his last name. I got to get his permission if I could start using his full name because he's one of the funniest fucking guys I've ever done. I gotta get his permission if I can start using his full name because he's one of the funniest fucking guys I've ever done. He liked this girl that lived in the dorm with us so much, man. He was after this chick for months, dude. He finally cracked her and spent the night with her.

And he said the next morning, in the morning, he fucking cranked one by accident. He forgot she was there. And then realized she was there. And he said he immediately started making fart noises on his arm going, hey, that's fun to do this, huh? Like trying to make like he was, I was like, you're a fucking idiot. That's so funny, man. But you farted last week during sex. Yeah. So you came, I think it totally ruined the whole thing. When you come to you, do you

make sounds? Do you just hold it all in? No, I make sounds. I mean, I mean, just do a little what you would come, how you came, reenact, you're an actor. I think, I don't know, come on. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna,

a little wet, a little wetness in it. And because it's still early, it's like cute to her that I fart. Did you laugh? Well, not at the time, but then afterwards. Of course. She was blowing her your bag at her. She was on top of me, yeah.

Oh, okay. And I was like, that one doesn't count. But I kind of feel like it's cute in the beginning relationship when you're a guy and you fart, oh, it's cute. But in the end of the year,, if you fucking fart one more time. I think it's the exact opposite. I think it's disgusting when you first start and then after a while it's kind of cute because you know each other.

They do that scene. You ever see that movie, Love and Sex, which are in February? Here we go. Fucking Jansi. Movie reference that nobody knows, but fucking Joe, who was a fucking adopted and grew up alone in front of a TV, knows everything. No Joe, we haven't. Go ahead.

She put it in February, I thought maybe she's going. I love February. It's a good movie. I met him one time. I thought it was Jim Norton. And I let him. I took all of Jim's compliments. Yeah, good.

It was an ass, but he's like, yeah, I love you, I love you on Tough Crowd. I see you on Tough Crowd. I was on a once, Jim was on a regular basis. Well, they do a scene of the movie where she farts, and it's after their dating, and it's this moment where he's like, you we had our first farts so cute, you know?

It's like that moment in a relationship like this we across that I've never reached in a relationship. Apparently intimacy happens at some point. Well, this is the funny thing is me and you have been there. We've been intimate, we've reached, you've had relationships. I mean, you're pretty much a relationship guy.

Right? Yeah, the longest is three and a half years. Three and a half years. Yeah, it's sturdy. Did you ever cheat on her? Yes. How many times? With the girl, with the straightaway diarrhea.

That's who I cheated on her with. Oh, you cheated on her with a chick who shitter pants and a toilet? Oh, and how, when you saw that diarrhea, you must have been like, I'm like, wait, I don't have to cheat anymore. Yeah. I just brought you right home. Very, very home. Baby, I miss you so much.

Have you ever, let me ask you a question. Have you ever had anything in your ass all? And he put, no, but my girlfriend now is convinced. It's actually really disturbing because she wants to put a butt plug in my ass. A butt plug? A butt plug, which looks like a little, if I can,

mini-spear or something like that that you put in your ass. It's called the little baby dick. I don't think if it's plugging anything up. But it's called a butt plug though. Is it called a butt plug? No, no, no, no, that is really. I know what butt beads, I know a fucking fucking a dildo, a vibrator, but I don't know why would you have a, why would it plug it?

Why would you want to plug it? I mean, you can't get it out. So you can even fucking pro-dial it. No, no, it's got a... It's got like a... A snapple cap looks like. You kind of... So you just pull it out.

You put it in. It looks like this. Why would you want that? I don't know, I guess. Is it like a dick? It's like a mini little baby dick, yeah. Like a baby dick. You put it up there and apparently it's...

And what is it to just plug your dick? Your asshole? I guess the prostate stimulates that, right? Oh, well the male to note the lingam, which we talked. You know what the lingam is? Well, the spanteed for this. I don't know what the fuck and the VD thing is, but you don't know what the lingam is Well, they it's fancy for me set. I don't know what the fucking the VD thing is but you don't know it lingam is What the fuck is the lingam lingam Tantric

If you if you're listening to this podcast if you listen you got a Google lingam massage. Oh God. Do I want one of those? What is it a tiny massage? It's tantric. It's a tantric massage. And tantric is like some, what is it? Indian or like commasutra or some type of weird shit. It's like you can get a back page or you know, you used to be getting a Craigslist, you type in tantric and you go and it's usually white women, which is a plus. Because you know, you can't,

those are hard to find, get a nice massage from a white woman. And it's, they massage you. And in a certain way, you're on your back and they rub you and they rub your nipples and then they occasionally rub your lingam, which is the dick, right? Yeah, the dick. And they just stroke it and rub it and they bring you to, they don't, it's not like you, you know, just they jerk you to, it's not like you, you know, just, they jerk you off. It's this really erotic, long, drawn out sexual massage to bring a man.

They can teach you males to have more than one orgasm, to prolong an orgasm for a really long time. And the male G spot, they work on that, which is in your asshole, your prostate. So they do a massage on that to actually make you have a different type of orgasm. Yeah, and the lingam massage is on my little bucket list. I like a finger in the gooch, dude. I take that all the time. One, two, where's the limit of fingers?

One, barely one, barely. Did they get the hook, the little prostate? No, they can't, it can never go all the way in. That's why you're gonna go to a fucking professional tantric. They go in and they know where you're prostate is. My girlfriend always talks about my assholes, she goes, oh, your asshole is so inviting. It's like a black hole.

I feel like it just wants to be a... Are you dating Norton? She's just Christ. I'm like, I'm like, shut up about my fucking asshole. I don't wanna hear about, I don't want to visual my own asshole. Why am I, what a hole? It's wrong, like, it's like, it's so inviting. It's like, puckering, I'm like, shut, shut it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I need you you need to go and get on all fours and Let you grow go in there with a strap on not a strap on settle down bag

Jesus Joe he just takes it too far. Well strap on yeah, she needs to go in there with her tongue Oh, I have my yeah, yeah, let her eat it out and then stick a little finger in there a little index finger I then wrote it around she's dead it done that, but when she starts describing the texture and quality of my bubble, that's just like, great, please. I turned around and told the girl, eat that pussy. Eat that back pussy. Eat that pussy.

Eat that, look that clip. Jesus Christ. That little hemorrhoid that's fucking in the shape of a clip. I saw two gay guys on bikes the other night riding down the street. Sounds like a sitcom on fucking NBC. They weren't next to each other. One was riding behind the other night riding down the street sounds like a sitcom on fucking NBC They weren't next to each other one was riding behind the other one right of course Yeah, they kept they were just yelling ass pussy back to back and forth to each other. I think they were quoting I think they were doing boarhead, but it was just fucking hilarious

There would be it funny and I was like I loved that those two guys are doing that right now Just to make everybody look and if we did it we'd be arrested and this podcast would be over in our careers would be dead I asked pussy. Is that a crime? I don't know You can't fucking I mean can't say anything anymore. No Tracy Morgan is in trouble now for saying retard Oh, he said he said the boy got fucking fired off of Chelsea lately for fucking making his gay comments. Uh, it's like that dude,

he's, he gets, that makes us say he got fired from the thing that made him popular. And part of the reason that I made him popular was because Chelsea constantly makes fun of him and says, yeah, yeah, jokoi on the show, it's like, I don't, this is part of, I don't know what he said. I mean, if he said, I'll tell you what he said. He was in Chicago and I guess his zipper was partly down and some guy in the, you know,

Joe's most unantimidating, unaggressive guy. Right. And some guy goes, I saw it. And he goes, what do you, if I can faggot? Boom. And he got fired for that? Well, then they linked it back to a bit he had about catching his, if he caught his son fucking girl, they'd be like,

hey, that's awesome. And he caught his daughter fucking, he looks stabbing at. He should've stabbed the guy. If you guys daughter fucking still need to stab the guy. And then he just made a joke about how if he came home and his son was fucking a girl But then another guy popped up he'd stabbed that guy so that got linked back to Tracy Morgan's comment about stabbing a gay child And boom sound bite would have been good if you shut the phone

Or I didn't play during you talking You just keep going I think that was your fucker. Yeah I think that was your fuck out of my You're also introducing sound effect Which we've never I've never seen this before it's All right, what's the most young Joe just Up down up down you're right with the Joe fucking Dawes damn it. It was the most you've had in your butt Kelly There was a package I got in the mail once I put the shietty microphone in I sat on that now I uh the most I had in my butt all right. I'll be honest

I had a girl back in the day wanted to fuck me in the ass with a strap on but the Breaking point the deal breaker as they'd call it, is that she wanted me to buy it. And I was like, you buy it. And it was like, I'm not buying it. And she didn't have enough money to buy it. I had the money and I would have given the money, but she didn't want to buy it. And then it was like, I'm not buying it. So if she had got it, I probably would have let her fucking try it. Then I had a finger in my ass. Fingers in my, if I had two fingers in my ass once, that hurt. That was awful. One finger hurts.

And then what I really like, what I used to be into, because I really was into ass play in my younger days. Now that my ass isn't what it used to be, then I'm married, and I want my wife being a dirty pig I Used to be I used to have girls even just eat my ass and fucking jerk me off Yeah, and then rub the knuckle around it like rubber knuckle out of one girl It would rub rubber knuckle around it Yeah, I had a girl to get to do that yet. Oh, it's great. You got a damn girl get to do that yet

I haven't gotten a girl to do that. Have you tried? Have you been like, hey, can you do the knuckle on my tape? No, no, the ass eating. Oh, that's you have to We have this is how you do it. Okay, I've I've I've perfected the technique You have to have her sucky dick line your stomach sucky dick and then when she go you then you go down Look my balls and then she'll go down and look your balls. And then when she goes down and on the to the tape, you go, yeah, oh my God. You start quivering. You have to quiver like, oh my God. Oh my God. Like, yeah, I've done that. Yeah. Oh my God. And then she'll do it again. And then when she goes down,

go, then you just go lower and then she'll go a little lower and you go, oh my God. Eat that ass. And you have to go eat that ass. And then they just go, fuck him. Oh, that's right. And then they just start eating it. And you're like, oh my God, I've never, oh. And then usually I just, that's where I come. That's where I'm done right there.

That's where I stop. I stop right at eat my air. And you actually have to pull your legs up over your head. What? Yeah, you have to pull your legs up. You have to put, not over your head, but you have to pick your legs up. Hey, so much money to see you naked pulling your legs up over your head. How much? I'll do it right now. 60 bucks. I literally don't cash on me. All right, well,

fucking. But I would do it. I would give you a buddy for that. It would make me laugh so hard. Fucking 60 bucks. But you got to be butt naked. Dude, I fucking take it all off. Fuckin' 60 bucks. But you gotta be butt naked. Dude, I fuckin' take it all off. My wife will wait till she's just about to walk in. Oh, Jesus, that makes me fuckin' laugh. It wouldn't make you laugh. I guarantee it may give you fuckin' haunted memories.

Never be able to fucking, fried squid again. You be able to eat the rings, not the other ones. Not the tentacles. Wait, this is, oh, I just don't have another thing. We did a college used to make us really laugh. We lived in the dorms. When me and my friend Jim would set this up, everybody would, like, everybody, all the guys in the wing would be hanging out in his room.

Right. Dragan and shit. And we set this up. I'd keep, he was the only one that was going to do it. I'd go in the other room. I'd go back to my room. I'd take all my fucking clothes off. And I'd knock on the door. Jim would go, come in. And I would come in the other room. I go back to my room. I take all my fucking clothes off and I'd knock on the door

Jim would go come in and I would come in naked fucking dancing Jim would go hey everybody it's Joe with his cock. They showed up. Come on in And I remember we were fucking laugh at this fucking huge Dude German not from Germany, but a German kid. Yeah. Name Steve. He was a fucking monster of a guy, real fucking, you know, backwoods, Pennsylvania guy. The first time we did it, dude, he got furious.

He was like, the fuck are you guys into when you're at the fuck out of here? Fucking weirdos, right? He leaves. I swear to God by the end of the semester, would be like when's Joe and his cock show it He turned over so fucking hard on it. Why wouldn't it? Why wouldn't you fucking why wouldn't you? Joe and his cock dude, can we do that? I want to see that. I'll do it next party. We have a y'all's you have to go out like empty Trash and then knock on the door and I'm just gonna go hey everybody Joe and his car show up. You see that and then we had a cowboy hat

I would go in the other room when everybody's hanging out I take off all my clothes I put the cowboy hat on and I'd come in and I'd go I I think I was jerking off naked and I go I'm the master bait and cowboy I'm a master bait and cowboy and then I go I go, and my asshole's brown, and I fed over, spread my cheeks. There you go. And Bill, what did you do? I changed his face. Studyed physics.

I know how rockets work. I know it makes an ocean wave wave. That's so dull, we couldn't even think of something to slam him about arrow physics. I couldn't think of anything. Be the good deal. No, I have no point of reference. I was working on this, this drag coefficient once, and friction.

And no, I don't have, I don't have stories like that back in college. I didn't get laid in college that much. I honestly didn't get laid at all. I was an actor. I was a dancer. Every, Jesus. Jesus, dancer. Every, I was an actor. I was a dancer. Every day. Jesus. Jesus, dancer. Every, I was poor. Everyone was rich.

Hold on a second. This is Joe's. No, Jess, don't you brush over dancer like we didn't hear it. What kind of dancer were you though? It's gonna be a two hour podcast now. What kind of dancer were you? I was a professional break dancer when I was in high school.

No, no, no no wait a minute stop now no that was a fucking hobby side thing what I mean money fuck what kind of dance did you take I was in a hip-hop dance what kind of dance modern and jazz to there you go modern and jazz it started let me take it started modern and jazz Modern and jazz, it started, let me tell you, it started modern and jazz. He had those, you had tights, didn't you? You had one of those sweatshirts where you cut the sleeve off and it was a half cut, then you wore a wife beater on an eighth and you rolled, just sweat pants up

at the elastic only in class. Oh, dude, I, look, he said dancer, I was expecting like leotard dancer. Right. When he said break dancer, it got worse to me. That was worse. Actually, every step was worse. Because I pictured you dressed up like the girl

and break in with that fucking. Yeah, I had a name too. Overhead band-on and fucking. My name was Warwick. My name was Duke. He had two little blacks, lines under like Adam Ant. Yeah. Wait, so what was your break dancing there?

Kid flex. Holy shit. Yeah. Wait, so what was your break dancing there? Kid flex. Holy shit. Wow. Kid flex. I was in a crew called Shake and Break. Oh my God. That was my crew. I had fat laces, pear, she pants.

Holy shit. We had a team. Did you still move first right now? I'm so fucking old. I don't care. I can't do a move in my apartment. I have a one better manoeuvre. We step on a dog.

Just do a robot or something. Just please do something. Stand up and do something, please. I could, you know move in my apartment. I have a one better manoeuvre. Step on a dog. Just do a robot or something. Just please do something. Stand up and do something, please. I could, you know, do all that. Hey, you can fucking do it. I want to punch him. That was real though. Listen, don't ever do that again.

It's real though. Look at how he really knew how to do it. You have your own piece of cardboard? Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Paceman, we get shaky spits and dance on the cart, working on our windmills and head spins. Oh yeah. Oh god. We'd get we get shaky spits and dance on the cart work on our windmills and heads pins. Holy shit. It sucks about the story is that you didn't snap your neck and do it a real middle. Try to. Would date with everybody go go white boy go

white boy go. Oh yeah. I was a shit man. Really did you have high tops and you tucked in your pants to your sock? You have to. You have to. You have to do that. What shirt would you want to open of electric boogaloo. Really? Did you wear a band-danner on your neck and your thigh? I was, that wasn't that bad. You had a band-danner on your thigh. You did that.

I don't know. I wasn't that cool either. Breaking is like, breaking, you know, for nostalgia. Well, I was a kid. I loved it, but it's like, they could not have made the hip-hop community look gay or then they should have broken. And before anybody wants to take my money away or whatever, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being gay.

I'm just saying, if I saw just that movie and I didn't know anything about hip-hop, I'd be like, so this is a subculture of the gay community. Yeah, exactly. I would have no fucking idea what the whole thing was about. Well, you know, I have to admit that back in the day, I had parachute pants. I had, and I used to wear the deaf leopard cut off sleeves, British flag shirt with a band-danger around my thigh and around my neck, once in a while, time on around my neck. But I came in right when it was phasing out, because that didn't have enough money

to buy parachute pants when they were in. So I got like the last pair. You got like the $15. Oh dude, I did, I was fucking poor. So I didn't get adopted into a fucking great white family. I had a shitty family. I had to get, there was only one, I remember my real dad took me on one of those dad fucking trips where I saw him once a month and he would buy me something.

So I had him bring me to Marshall's and he bought me the last pair in the rack of parachute pants, but they didn't fit. But it was the only pair and he was going to buy him. I knew my mom wouldn't buy him. So he was like, do you want to wait until neck? And I was gonna buy him. I knew my mom wouldn't buy him. So he was like, do you wanna wait till next, and I was like, no, I'll get these. These are good.

They're supposed to be tight. And I warmed the fucking school and I'm coming out at the end of the day and I'm walking out and I remember I jumped off the step and they just ripped right up my asshole. Right down the middle, the side of the inseam of the leg and they were just ruined and everybody laughed. Jesus Christ that's fucking funny man. Yeah it was bad. I missed I was a little too young for the for the break-down

yeah yeah to dress that way I mean like I was a little too young I got when I was finally able to have any input into my wardrobe it was it was like the Raiders jacket error of rap music So I had a Raiders jacket. I used to get trash because I literally couldn't name one player. I just had it because easy he had it. I saw that was cool. Well, you know, it's funny. I was in when roller skating was in. Yeah, I would go to night clubs were roller skating. Like they would have these, you know, now they have night clubs that people go to and you know, dance and fucking get shit

face back when I was growing up. For a minute there was roller skating nightclub. So you'd go in, you'd get a pair of roller skates and you'd roller skate around in a nightclub. And I was young, I had to, you know, I had a sneak in and shit, but I remember I dated this hot broad blonde and she was a professional roller skater. And I had, she was a professional roller skater.

And I had it, she was like, yeah, come with me. I'm going tonight, there's this thing and it was in the fucking ghetto and I went with her. She was just hot blonde, but all her friends were like, you know, really ghetto black roller skater guys. And I was just so scared. I was just like sitting there. I didn't have a roller skate good.

And these they were backwards and fucking flips and twists. And she was out there doing all their moves and she had to take my hand. And like, and just rolls skate straight like in a circle around with me. And she was bummed out that, you know, I just socked at it. I'm terrible at that shit. You know, the one thing I remember about this girl,

the cleanest mouth ever. She brushed her teeth like 70 times a day. Every time I kiss this broad, her mouth tastes like fucking toothpaste. It never tasted a girl's mouth like that ever again. Unfucking believable mouth of glory. Oh, that's terrible like the first time I kissed a girl and it doesn't taste real like this.

I mean, this is, I can't do this. This is what it tastes like. She just had a street hot dog. Oh, God. You this. I mean, this is, I can't do this. This is what it tastes like. You just got a street hot dog. Oh, God. You know what I mean? It's like mustardy. Yeah, we're all water dogs. Yeah, it's just tastes, it's like, it's like grainy.

Oh, that's the worst. Like, fucking old dough. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just that, oh, God. That's the worst when you, when you find after a girl for a long time, and you finally get them, and there's just something that's just, ugh, I remember I was fucking this girl in time.

I was obsessed with her for a year. And I finally got in bed, and I'm doing my A game, I'm doing the pinball flip, but I'm doing every move I got. And obviously she goes, I'm on pro's ax, I don't really feel anything. After he's year of pining. What are you doing that moment? Jesus Christ, he finished. He fucked up.

Fucking put her face in a pillow. Yeah, and you're dealing with a psycho that'll even tell you that. Like any person with character would have the ability to fake it. She's on Pro-Zac, Joe. She's not gonna fake it. Fake it through it.

You don't lay there and go, I'm on Pro-Zac. I don't feel anything. Just try. If you're on Pro-Zac, you do. She's fucking a lunatic. do She's fucking a lunatic or maybe flying there. She's lying there with it. She hasn't blinked and maybe she just hates I was as terrible and she just want to make me feel better about being terrible. You get a big piece Bill I don't want you I bet you just does to he looks like he's got a high I got a six six and a half or sometimes Sometimes yeah, I got about it, I got about a six. Yeah.

Six, seven. It's not you don't get a seven, I've seen it. There's no way we're seeing it. It was so hard. Well, I can judge. I can estimate. Well, I got a picture. I got a picture, you want to see it?

Yeah. We'll have a little Anthony Weiner moment. Yeah, let's see your cock. Well, the problem is I don't have, I don't have any hard pictures. Let's just see your cock. Just calm down, guys. I just fell out that fucking clear dick.

Like, clear. Is there a fracture on it? Yeah, I got a bad shower, man. I got a sick. I got Joe's right here. You want to see Joe's? It looks, yeah, it looks terrible. What? You don't have Joe's. All right, then. Yeah, I tweeted to him. Now you didn't tweet it. Oh, no, we faced timeed. Yeah. And he put his cock like a nine-year-old on his dick on the facetime and I

screen captured it real quick. Okay, I did it. I send this to my girl when I was backstage. Do you really wanna see it? Yes, we wanna see your dick. Wow, whoa, dude. Let me hold that phone for a second. Holy shit! Really?

Yo! Really, let me see. Guys, got a monster. Let me see. Can we just show Joe's, we have to show Joe's first. We can't open with this. We have to show Joe's dick, my. He's got a monster. Wait, can we just show Joe's, we have to show Joe's first. We can't open with this. We have to show Joe's dick mine. He's got the closer.

Let me tell you something. I have a fucking new fund respect for you, my friend. Wow, he's got a, he's got the closer of all closers. Hang on dude, your fucking dick is amazing. Wow. This podcast is taking an unexpected turn. I can show you, I got a picture of my balls, that's about it. Is that your nuts?

That looks like the fucking great pumpkin from the Charlie Brown special. Yeah, that's my balls. Yeah, they were all fine. They were smaller than I thought they'd be. Well, no, that's a, that's, you know, you can't really tell. It's on the iPhone. So that was a fucking, you know, I showed you what it was. All right. You'd like it.

Hang on, I'm trying to find Joe's cock. It scares the shit out of me that you have this on your phone. That's right, you should scare the shit out of you. You should just remember it. And I mean, just the king, he's just the king of back pocketing something to destroy you with later. Why would you send it to him? I got it.

I didn't. He took it on Feff did. He took it on. Forgot it. I'm not. You're on the face. I'm not. That's Joe's dick. Okay.

That's your dick. Yeah. Tiny. But I'm telling you, but now there's a dick. It's there's nothing. I'll open that up again. There's your dick right there.

There's just like it's just like you know it. Just shut your face and open the picture. Let me say here's there's your dick. Jesus. And and there and there's fucking Dawson's day Christ Wow Wow that's flaccid that's flaccid that's flaccid Do you Jesus Christ?

It's not that big are you fucking nuts? So that's like eight inches flaccid no no no no no no no no no no no no yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're fucking looking right at you Fucking ginger bush Look at that fucking Christ look at this and then look at that. That's a different angle. I guess not a different angle Bill oh, that's not how I look that's how it looks. I don't like it. He has more than one photo of his cock Looks the same to me in that one backstage dude. You're dick is talk looks the same to me in that one backstage dude your dick is huge wow look at that little fucking pud my mind is the same Joe that if you want to see Joe's dick just you want to see my how it grows now if you want to see my dick I'll just

look at Joe's dick yeah same cousin's identical cousins you got a big piece dude that's a big piece in Europe. Your humble bullshit is annoying me It is not that big though. I'm telling you it's it's I get comments, but it's not that big dude I get no comments. I've never I got yeah, it's nice. That's that's a comment No, that's a fucking comment. No, that's I've never what I want what I've always wanted my life because I you know I went to all black schools I want a girl be like I'm not putting that in me a girl to be like, I'm not putting that in me. How about a guy?

I'm not putting that in me. I wouldn't even put that in my mouth. I wouldn't hold it in my hands, all fucking nine of them. Dude, I remember one time I had a crush on this girl, right? And I thought I was like right there. Like we had hung out a couple times. I was years ago, so I was much more scared. I couldn't make moves, I was bad at it.

And we were hanging out a bunch of times, and I was like, I was about, I felt like this is gonna happen. And I had such a fucking crush on this guy. I thought, like, she's the one, I'm gonna date her. She starts seeing this other guy. And I was talking to her and they weren't going out yet, and I was trying to sort of one up the guy. You know, and try to get her to start trashing them.

And I swear to God, she just, first thing I never mouth, I go, how's it going with the, well, what's his face, you know, whatever. And she goes, oh my God, he's got the biggest dick I've ever had in my life. I have to tell him to stop, but we're having sex because I need a break because it hurts. And I was literally just sitting there like,

like a kid's gonna be like stole my ice cream. I was just like, it was devastating dude. It was devastating. You know, yeah, you're like, but you have potentially that dick is why I'm telling that you this. You're gonna big story. You have to know what it does to a man like me.

Don't you get a big cock? Just, no, I've had, I've had girls say like, oh my god, like I love your dick. My last boyfriend's dick was too big. I've heard that. I've got that've had girls say like oh my god like I love your dick my last boyfriend's like was too big I've heard that I've got them who are they dating a Fucking gorilla Dude your dick is huge. No, no, it's not even a day. Just the fuck up. Why would you fight? Yeah? Why are you fighting why are you fighting it?

Because if my girlfriend's list this should be like she's clubbing. That's not that big. That's why the fucking audience paid you. Loosen up. You're finding this like, you're gonna get kicked out of the youth. No, because I feel like I'm lying. I'm like, I'm lying. If I say, you know the demographic on this podcast,

you have to, the girls. He's really, you know the girls, whatever girls listen to this. Like, I'm, oh, that's so nice. He's got a big dick and he's being humble. He's one of the fucking thousands of people. No, I want to have a fucking, I want to have a huge dick. I don't have a huge dick. I don't have, I wait a minute, I'm like, I don't have a point.

I'm telling you right now. Yeah, but this is, I watch a lot of porn. There's a little fluffing going on to make that, I'll make it hang that way. So it wasn't Joe's, he fluffed it for me. I was sitting like this. I'm like, yeah, that was a Joe girl. I actually fucking smoked at clock, so I'm fucking, a small tick-tack shotgun.

So, all right, listen, anyways. Anyways, we get to move on a little bit. We're gonna talk real quick, because this podcast flew by, I'm sure it's gonna go fucking flying off the rails when I say bring up this stuff, but two things we're gonna talk about, number one, we always talk about a little tech stuff

at the end, right, Joey? Yes. So I got a definitely thing we're gonna talk about. We're gonna talk about this week and we're gonna talk about. Number one, we always talk about a little tech stuff at the end, right, Joey? Yes. So I got a definitely thing we're gonna talk about. We're gonna talk about this week and we're gonna talk about it next time we do the podcast, too, because it was so generous to me. I really wanna plug these guys. And number two, UFC's coming up this week.

This weekend, Joe, you can fucking smoke a cigarette right now because we're talking about sports. Putting the mic down. Putting the mic down, because Joe fucking is a cool rise. Do you. Put in the mic down because it's how fucking it is. It's so nice. Do you even know what UFC is? Yeah, I know what it is. What is it?

What is it? What is it? What is MMA stand for? Mixed martial arts. Oh, okay. What it is, I saw Red Belt. Of course, it had to be his man-it-fell. Oh, yeah, by saying, I know what it is.

All right, I just don't want you. That's all. I respect those guys tremendously. I've been on fucking ONA with the guy that was married to Jenna Jamison and Tito Ortiz. Yes, he went into this weekend. Again, who had a fucking cock pick out. Yeah, he had a, this is, this is weird. Had it took pictures of almost the same exact cock pick as you. Yeah. And almost the same size cock. You have the same size dick as Tito. He both got a big piece.

But this is the funny part is that he says he went into a Starbucks, put his phone down on a table, came back, the phone was somewhere else, and somebody tweeted that out. I don't believe that for a second. He said I believe that. That's just fucking stuff. It's like, if you beat your girlfriend,

seems like the go-to move is to release a cock pick. Chris Brown did it. Have you seen Chris Brown's? He's got a big piece. Now you know what he beat Rihanna with. It's fucking enormous. Who was the guy that banged? We just stopped on that joke, and just acknowledged it.

I tried to save it by just, got just moving, wasn't that bad. Why would you stop? Let's just, no, because, no, it wasn't that bad. We're just letting the people at home laugh. They're not done laughing. It's a little more than a,

you cock-so, I got. This was the guy that banged a cardiachian. What rap? Ray J? Ray J. He had a nice fucking joint on him. Yeah. You know, what you need to bet,

she's the hottest girl's ever lived. Yeah, she's ridiculous. Literally the hottest girl that I think there's ever lived. Like, I just, I've never, and she just got an x-ray ever asked to prove it. She didn't have implants. Dude, that's a real ass. That video, her, I never saw it.

Her, I mean, it's, I can't really whack the stuff like that. It's too, I don't know, there's something about it. It just doesn't, as hot as I think she is, that video doesn't turn me on. I can't explain why it just doesn't. Maybe there's a lot of music playing through it and stuff. It's kind of annoying, but she gives a mean B.J. Dude, her, she is the most perfect vagina.

It's like that close. And asshole, and her, she's perfect. Her, she's the hottest girl I've ever fucking seen. Yeah, Kim Kardashian Really? Oh my god, dude. There's nothing for me nothing for me. Oh, Marra dude, or she's fucking out. We just do people Yeah, that body naturally is she doesn't have implants. I don't think yeah It does nothing for me though. She does absolutely fucking nothing for me.

You know, fucking, I'm crazy about right now on Twitter too. It's at XXX of BB Jones. If you don't follow her, you're a fucking, you're not a man. Cause she posts every day nude pics of herself, but not just her. You put her on Twitter, huh? You can do that on Twitter. Well, she posted up on a site that actually,

you know, you can put them do that on Twitter. Well, she posted up on a site that actually you know You can put them up on at xxs xx at xxx baby Jones She is Smoking or she shows pictures of her pussy and fingers in her pussy and all right. Oh god. Oh here's something that might make you You know Rachel star at the porn star. No. I had a night with her and... Yeah, we called her. Couldn't, couldn't, couldn't get it up man. See, you couldn't fucking do it.

Yeah. Didn't we call her from the bar? Yeah, we did. And I was trashy under voicemail. Yeah, you were. That's real, yeah, that's funny. I think, I think you go with the porn star, you gotta, you can't fuck. You have to just go, you know, you gotta go off on some fucking other route.

You gotta eat her pussy, eat her asshole, fuck her asshole. You know, you're gonna do all the other shit but fuck. Cause you try to fuck a porn star, I would imagine that you would just, in the whole time just like, I can't, you know, I don't know if I'd ever be able to get out of that headspace. I could, I'd let her eat my ass, I'd let her suck my dick, I'd fuck her on the glass of the hotel so other people can see You know, I do weird fucked up shit. I'd be creative with that

Anyways back to UFC even though you guys ripped it back to guys cocks. Sorry But no it's Tito T's had his picture shown, but he he fought it too. He was embarrassed by it's like Why would you be embarrassed about about a huge dick pick? If they showed my real dick, I would be embarrassed. If they showed your dick, I would be like, yeah, it's my cock, fucking deal with it, deal with it. Anyways, you have to seek Fight Card this week. The main event is a cruise,

Dometa Cruiser, Uriah Favour at 135, which is, I liked it better when it was at WEC. I loved when they were fighting there because they were the top guys. But now that they're in, you know, you're out of favor is good. But, you know, he was, I don't know, he did some back in the days,

just spinning back, you never knew what he was going to do. And, you know, the last couple fights was all right. You know, I was all right. I feel like now that's UFC, it's a little bit toned down for some reason. Like, they used to jump off the cage and do flying kicks off the cage and create it was a smaller cage too And WC right? Yeah, I think so. I don't know. I mean it's I still like your eye favors. I just got a bum chin that actually looks like somebody's asshole

I mean honestly got look at this fucking bum chin dude look at this bum chin. Look at that thing But look at this fucking Bumchin dude, look at this Bumchin, look at that thing. That's crazy. And Cruz is the man, so it's going to be a good event. And now I believe all main events and co-main events are five rounds. Even if their championship are not. That's cool. I believe that takes place. The co-main event is actually a great fight.

Is Van Delay, the Axmer and a Silva against Chris Lieben, which is going to be a Chris Leibman, which is gonna be a fucking brawl. It's two people brawling. Oh, it's gonna be a fucking brawl. I can't wait for that fight. And Anderson, he went down from heavyweight to 185. He went down from heavyweight, light heavyweight, now he's at 185. This is gonna be nuts.

How old is he? Is he like past his, No, he's not fucking, I mean, he's not, I don't know if he's gonna be a champion again. He was a champion of pride. He he's not... I don't know if he's gonna be a champion again. He was a champion of pride. He, you know, I don't know if he's gonna be a champion, but his fights are still fucking rock and roll. And you can knock him out.

You can definitely, he's been knocked the fuck out. But he still goes for it in every fight. And Liebman is the same way. Chris is a fucking monster. He actually got a shit together in the last couple years. The next fight after that is Tito Ortiz, Ryan Bader, which I think that I think. That's been boring.

Well, not only is it gonna be boring, I think Ryan Bader is an exciting fighter. I think he's gonna really put it to Tito Ortiz. You're gonna be going wrestling. Ryan Bader is a new, young, hot guy. He's got something to prove because he just lost. Who he lost to? Jones, I believe, wasn't it?

Oh, yeah. He wasn't a bone's Jones, kicked his fucking ass. Yeah. So he lost to again? Jones, I believe, wasn't it? Wasn't it, bones, Jones kicked his fucking ass. So he's got something to prove. So he's gonna have to come out and knock Tito the fuck out. But Tito has to win because he doesn't. He's not out, they're retiring him. So, which is kind of cool. There's other fights on here, I don't wanna get into it.

There's a lot of guys from Melvin Galaar's fight and who I like, who's actually making a, you know, getting a shit together too. George, stop a lopoulos. A lot of guys from the Ultimate Fighter are fighting this weekend. So the undercards are always fucking great, but I don't really give my picks on those. But the three fights that we are talking about, I think Tito and Bader is going to be good, but I pick Bader for that one. I think Vandalay Silverito and Bader is going to be good, but I pick Bader for that one. I think Vandalay, Silver and Chris Lieben is going to be a great fight. I'm picking Vandalay.

Yeah, but how do I get the feeling at some level these guys are just reaching for the paycheck? You know what I mean? I mean Tito or Tis, you think at this point he really cares about fighting. He's just like, how much money am I going to get paid? I don't know, right? I'll do it. Look, when you're not going to get paid that money again, if you don't win, I think you do. Yeah, I'm not sure. They have good incentives for you, I've seen. I think they do. And I'm actually gonna pick Uriah Faber to win this one.

I want him to win. Uriah Faber to win. I think he's cool. I like him as a champion. I think he's a good fighter, he's a rich fighter. And he's interesting. He doesn't just do one thing. He never know what the fuck he's a good fighter, he's a rich fighter and he's interesting. He doesn't just do one thing You know, he never know what the fuck he's gonna do

And he does he does weird shit, you know, yeah, I know yeah, he put on a show Well, that's what caught him out there is he does it's what Chris was a crisp was a brown was Chris Brown Oh, no, no, no, no, was a man. I forget brown. That's his last name. You got me all fucked up with what's his name's cock I forget his brown, that's his last name. You got me all fucked up with what's his name's cock, but knocked him out with Joe's back. I'm sitting in his cock. Just listen to it. Who do you think is gonna win Joe?

Pick your picks. We got your right favorite Dominic Cruz. I'm gonna go with Tito Pente. And Dominico Dessa. Come on Joe, pick one. And Vandela Silver, Vandela Silver or Chris Lieben. Vandale silver Vandale silver or Chris Lieber Vandale silver's God is silver's gotta win with that name. Yeah, that's a great fighter You know or seat T's or Ryan beta gonna go with T to our T's since I met him and just in case you remember who I am Right I'm just gonna pick him to be safe just to be safe Dominic Cruz and you're right a favor

You got to go the name for your right a favor Yeah, you got to go with the California kid. California kid. Yeah, but that name is like, you know, he sounds like he grew up in a third world village somewhere with, I fight for it to bring a electricity to my village. He actually fought like 10 guys.

What? I think it was the Philippines or fucking Taiwan. I was over one of those fucking Asian countries. That name sounds like he would pull the Batman begins. He's gonna rest it just to fight. He's a typical California guy. He's a beach bomb. It's a great name.

And he was over there, I forget where it was. He was fighting. He was in a bar and these kids fucked with him. And they were like 10 guys, he fucked 10 guys. Really? Yeah, he had a run and they were like 10 guys, he fucked 10 guys. Really? Yeah, he had a run and they were chasing them and then they caught them and then they ran again, he'd fight in these dudes and kicking their ass and then they were kicking his ass and some of these finally saved them and brought them in this fucking store or

some shit and they were gonna kill them. They were gonna fucking kill them. I forget where it was, it was fucking Bangkok or Taiwan, I don't know, fucking Philippine somewhere where he just fucking did something to somebody and all these kids just, this is the floor he was a professional fighter. No, he was a fighter. He was a fighter, he was on vacation or some shit. It's actually a story on the internet,

I actually read it, I forgot it, but it was a good story. And now we're getting to the tech part of the show. Yes. I contacted this company, you know me, dude. If you look at my closet, I have probably 17 bags. Yeah. It's, you know, I'm a gadget guy. I travel with my iPad, my iPad keyboard, my K in my computer,

my podcast shit, all this other fucking do hikis. Which I love saying. Go ahead and say it, Joe. Do hikik. Come on. Go ahead and say gotta say it do hiki. It's a good word. It's great word Kidnapping That baby poo What shit baby shit? You never baby shit next to what this do's doing How's that foraging?

I Doos do it. How's that foraging? Joe is the fucking man. I fucking love it. I'm trying to remember other lines from the from the from the movie. Go here you go Joe. I got this just for fucking you Joe. Look, Bob. That problem is big kid along side of what this dude is doing. I don't know, I'm sorry, I don't know what this dude is doing. Almost killed on a law officer. Dropping through people's backyard, nothing down mail but it got a broad neck up. Took a course of state crime, got the man out.

I don't think he's got a permission, and that's did not. That's dead behind James. Are you waiting for us? What I owe. What I owe, what I owe, what I owe, he points down behind this. Are you ready for it? No. What a... What a... What a... What a... What a...

What a... What a... What a... What a... What a... What a... What a... What a...

What a... What a... What a... What a... What a... What a... What a... What a... What a...

What a... What a... What a... What a... What a... What a... a lot with people. I love the old guys a lot. And I'll talk Gleason with people sometimes and they'll go, you know, he's, I'm not that it. It's like, dude, you want to see fucking comic mastery, watch that scene and smoking the bandit. He's eating a fucking sloppy Joe sandwich and the way he works the sandwich into that fucking speech. Like most guys would not be chewing during the speech. He's the way he's muscling the food around that is fucking mouth.

He's eating it dude. He's eating it. You know he probably ate nine of those, so he's chewing that Diablo sandwich. I wanna fucking Diablo sandwich myself. Yeah, so do I, and I think I figured out what it is and I made it one day. But I swear to God I did.

I went to the store, I got slopp- It looks like a sloppy Joe sandwich, but I'm like Diablo, so that must be a hot. So I went to the store, I got, it looks like a sloppy Joe sandwich, but I'm like Diablo, so that must mean it's hot. So I went to the store, I bought sloppy Joe's, shit. And then I got all these jalapenos, and I chopped them up and threw it in. And I was like, that's gotta be what the fuck it is, dude, right? And I ate, I got Dr. Pepper with it.

I swear to God. I swear to God. Dude, we got a Google Diablo sandwich. We have to find it exact ingredients. We have to make it one night. We have to get docked to pepper and we have to sit in front and we'll bring one of my dogs

and we'll sit and watch smoking the bed from front to back. Absolutely. Absolutely. You're fucking, build laws, please come over as long as you have no pants on. So we can just admire your fucking huge cop. What's he say when they go into the truck?

He's like, duck. What? When they go into the truck and the fucking truck takes off the whole top of the car, he's like, what the fuck? You go see, he says something like, duck, are you going to be wearing your hat on your ass? I don't know. It's something like that.

There's one. No way that you could come from my line. As soon as I get home, the first thing I'm gonna do is punch your mama in the mouth. Putting on a wedding decorating the whole town to the cost of $40. By the way, a lot of Diablo sandwiches on the on the Google the Google really a lot of recipes for Diablo sandwiches going on Oh wait the bag Byron said we were gonna I did I said it was gonna go back to cock and it was gonna wind up at food because me and you talk about food Fucking everywhere is the ingredients for Diapil so yeah tech doc

We do a little tech thing because I'm a fucking big tech guy. This bag, this company I contacted, and they were a fucking NetNelly, who the girl who got back to me, nicest girl in the world, sent me one of their bags. Now, I travel all the time. You guys travel, you know what it's like to go through security with all you shit, you're going away for four days

for the next month or so, and you wanna have your shit on you. You want your computer on you, you're going away for four days for the next month or so, and you wanna have your shit on. You want your computer on, you want your iPad, you don't wanna put all your valuable shit in a, did carry on, so it gets stolen. And, but you want it to be manageable. That's why I went through so many fucking bags. They don't fit on my shit, are they fucking heavy?

Are the bag itself as heavy? Too fancy, this fucking company, the bag itself is heavy, or they're too fancy. This fucking company makes the best travel bag carry on in the fucking world. It's the closest to perfect that I can get. It's called, the company is called BBPP bags. And why it's so good. This bag is actually, it can turn into a backpack.

You can have it as a shoulder bag, it has a handle, you can carry it as a briefcase. It's got the most pockets I've ever seen on any fucking bag, but you don't, they're hidden. They're not, like it doesn't look like a million fucking pockets. Like some of the backpacks do. It's like, what the fuck is that? These pockets are inside of it,

and the whole thing is waterproof. One of the best parts of the. It's like, what the fuck is that? These pockets are inside of it. And the whole thing is waterproof. One of the best parts of the bag, the computer. And you know, when you're going through the TSA, you gotta bring out your laptop and your iPad now. And you got it in two different compartments, other shits in it, you pull your fucking cords out, and it's a pan in the S. This actually has a back pocket that you put your laptop in,

and your iPad. And it zips up in the back. It's the only thing that goes in there. So the rest of the bag is for whatever else you want. It's not your computer too in the same part and it's a waterproof. So you can be out in the fucking rain and you know if you're stuck, which I was last week with my Jordan bag, which is a really expensive bag and it was getting soaked and wet, and I had a fucking using a umbrella, it just sucked. The whole thing's waterproof.

You can make it like a backpack, you can put it over your shoulder. It's the most versatile, insane fucking bag ever. So if you travel, if you're a gadget douche, if you have a computer, if you're a businessman, whatever it is, if you don't wanna look like a douche with one of those wheelie bags, those fucking, you know a businessman, whatever it is. If you don't wanna look like a douche with one of those wheelie bags, those fucking, you know, whatever, they like the flight attendants

and the pilots have. A stripper bag. A stripper. Yeah, yeah. Well, you wanna carry this stuff, and it actually has the strap too, that you can unzip, but it has an extra pocket on the back,

but you can unzip the bottom of that, so you can slide it on the handle of your carry, of your check in wheelie bag. So you don't have to carry it, if it's, you know, so you can slide it on the handle of your check and wheelie bag. So you don't have to carry it if you can just slide it on there. This bag is the most versatile bag ever. It's the BBP bags. It's just Google it, you can go to the website and it's the one, the backpack thing, why it's great, it doesn't rest on your back.

So it rests on your bum, it hangs down a little further, so it's not fucking, I actually had a back spasm a few months ago, because I had this backpack on, my back, I had a hunched over and I'm walking through the airport like fucking... Asimodo. Thank you. Yeah, I had to do podcast, you're an intelligent shit, but quasi-moto,'s suck they look like a fucking idiot and this bag is unbelievable it's laptop choice editor's choice it's the ultimate bag the reviews on it are insane so if you if you're looking for a

bag and I'm gonna be promoting this for the next couple weeks because they were really nice to me and they sent me a couple stuff go to go and Google BBP bags and this is the hybrid messenger backpack is the one I got. The hybrid messenger backpack. Unfucking believable bag. I'm testing it this week when I go out to I'm going to be an auto with this week at the Just for Laffes Jazz Fest. I'm going to be out there. So if you're in Canada in Ottawa, I'll be going out there. Again, Joe Dero at JoderosaComedy.com. JoderosaComedy.com is your website at JoderosaComedy on Twitter.

As you deal, Bill, what's yours? BillDaws.com and just at BillDaws. Yeah, come on, man. It's Bill, you did a good job. I like you on the podcast. I love him. As long as Joe's here. But I love you. I love you and your huge dick and

Me you can actually you know, it's at Robert Kelly and make sure if you to spread the word about the podcast tell all your friends subscribe Check it out and if you want to email me you can email me now Joe or me or anybody that's on the show, you can email Robert Kelly at gloryholeradio.com. That's the website for the show. I know it has my name, but that's a show. If you get anything to say to us, I'll make sure I pass it onto these fucking turds so they can get it. And that's it. So gloryholeradio.com, check out the other shows that are on there, Jim Florentine, all the other guys. And that's about it, Joe. Anything else? Where are you going to be this weekend?

I'm in town. I'm at the Broadway comedy club in C.B.s tonight. I'll be at New York comedy club in C.B.s tomorrow night Saturday. No one on post in this podcast? When? Two weeks from now. Oh, I'll scratch that. Scratch Ottawa.

Scratch it. Well, look, I'll be up at the just for laughs comedy festival You and Billy Burr in Montreal the last week of July and the weekend prior to that Yeah, I'll be at CB's comedy club down the West Village So listen go to my website robbercali live.com to get all my dates I'm gonna be the next couple months. I'm fucking all over the place all many Jersey I'm in Montreal with a beer bill and and Derosa We're doing a crazy show up there the movie's gonna be up there

I'm all over the place and check out a check out Bill Dawes's cock I'm gonna tweet that the last factory in Hollywood. Yeah, there you go. He's gonna LA now and thanks for listening you guys Thanks for supporting and we're on number 31 on the fucking iTunes We want to get the fucking tweet least 19. We're gonna get in. Come on, Joe. We're getting in Thank you to the fans for that, man. It's unfuck unbelievable awesome. I'll talk to you guys later Thanks again for listening to another episode of you know what dude podcast on gloryhole radio dot com And make sure to check out all the other shows on the glory home network If you're using the stitcher app, type in the word FART when you register.

ITuneUses, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. If you're a real fan of the show, and you want to show your support, go to gloryholeradio.com slash Robert Kelly and hit the donate button. $10 will get you a shout out on the air. $20 will get you my first C. primera cd, Robert Kelly Live, no de los estados. Si hay preguntas, email me en Robert Kelly, en glorihollradio.com. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca.

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