Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Cookie Energy | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #47

Episode Date: October 8, 2025

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss the Life of Chuck as a silent trailer, if Luis solved his dog and lawn problem, if Bobby texts passive aggressively, Joe being an Art guy, watching Nate Bargatze and Jimmy Fallon at the Madison Square Garden, Max Kelly loving Shane Gillis Merch, butt stuff, Baby James on his date, their first kiss stories, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  PrizePicks Get $50 in lineups after placing your first $5 lineup https://www.prizepicks.com/ True Classic Support the show at trueclassic.com/regz Factor_ Use code REGZ50OFF to get 50% off and 1 year of free breakfast at https://www.factormeals.com/regz50off BodyBrain Coffee Use code REGZ25 to get 25% off https://www.BodyBrainCoffee.com/ Small Batch CigarUse code REGZ10 for 10% off plus 5% rewards https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody, you guys, uh, I love merch. I really do, dude. I love being draped in it. I love a nose hoodie. I can turn this t-shirt into ice cream. I can do it, dude. Uh, and regsmerch.com right now, go there and get your official regsmerch. What do we get up there, Lewis?

Mount Regsmore shirt, the country moose. Asterix, they did have to make all of our heads the same size. It is not to scale. Really? If the Mount Regsmore, well, your head would be most of the mountain. Yeah, it's true. You'd be, you three, you'd be like, I'd be like,

I'd be like Joe, I'd be a joke. He'd be a period on the regs. They'd just do one stick of dynamite. You know, they blow those into the side of the mountain. They go, Joe's done.

They also have your own bomb dana. If you want to throw a bomb diana in your friend's face and they have jokes at bomb. What a fun thing you could do. What a game to bring home for the friends and family. Go, shut the fuck up, you stink.

This Thanksgiving, just throw the bomb dana right in your grandma's face when she tries to make a funny. Yeah. You dumb bitch. The bomb dana. She has no idea what Thanksgiving, dude. Did you just say a funny? Yeah.

Boo, a funny. Right now, we're going to do this. This is a cool thing that we're doing at Skank Fest. We're all going to be at Skank Fest. If you guys come to Skank Fest and you're going to do a special meat and greet, we're going to have a special side thing. We're going to figure it out. We'll let you guys know where it's at. We'll blow you.

We're going to give you all. Dude, we're doing this. We're all like, what? We're going to come to the Rags. We're going to move you. We're going to move you. We're going to come to your house. We're going to move you.

Maybe you've never had a Riki massage. It's Rakey. It's Rakey. You fucking... Just right now, go to Ragsmerch.com today. Rep the show that you love. It's pretty incredible. All right. Let's start the show.

Fill her up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network. All right, what's up, everybody? We're back. It's the regs, Joe List, dance soda, Louis J. Gomez, and me, Bobbo Kelly. He was going to take a run for it. Every time.

Every time. Can you just do a thing? Can you just go? Oh, can we not bust each other's balls with the ball busts? Bobby. Can I tell you right now? A sensitive. got a good point, you fucking quirk.

I feel like one of those babies when the dad shaves the beard and they're upset. I don't like Bobby. Oh, yeah, new. Shave Bobby. You came in and I was like, when a baby sees his dad without a beard guy? You should have done it with a towel. I was doing the trimmer and I didn't put, the thing

fell off in travel, the little guard. So I just went like, I'm used to just going, and I went, gz, and half of it came off. Wait, do it, do it again? That was good. First, I'm used to going like this. And then I went, And it was all good. Sometimes I use just scissors.

And I go, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip. That's pretty good. I like that. I was hoping you got a roll. I don't even know what that meant. What, another chin one? Well, and I got hungry. Try to make a fun.

I love a roll. Nice fresh roll. A buttered roll? Oh, is there anything better than a roll? It was. In a bass. Oh, a little basket. You know what that was?

You fucking idiots. What? What? It was called a setup. I know. I say, I was hoping for a roll. And then you say, as a blank. Oh, you were trying to, you were trying to point guard.

that's right you're not a point card guy yeah no you're a sniper you had your hands in your pocket you're in the nose with it

under the hoop you're an outside line open Joe's under the hoop right now you're going to get out from under there Joe let's try it again

nothing says more about Lewis's career than I'm like I wish you had a roll and he's like what does that mean yeah ha ha

I don't know is there a second bomb a movie roll you fucking a roll all right let's try again let's do it again let's do it again

Let's do it again. Let's do it again. Bobby, all right. Lewis or Dan, somebody'd be ready here. All right, let's go. I turn this fucking off. Oh, can you change seats with them? Because it's going to get hot here.

You're already turned off. I'll switch with you. It's not that hot. It's fall. Yeah, but it's fucking gets hot. It's 80 degrees. It's literally fall. September 21st.

It's literally fall, but it's also literally 80 degrees. Can we block that again? It's 2025 fall. Bobby, I was hoping you shave your face for a movie roll. Are you up for a movie roll? Now, man, I don't know. You do my line, all right? Okay, let's see.

Hey, Bobby, I saw you shaved your face. Yeah. What do you got to roll? Yeah, he's got a fucking Kaiser roll, you fat fuck. No. No, you just, all you got in the can is fat fuck. Hand it to me. Hey, hey, Joe, why did Bobby shave his face?

Does he have a roll? Yeah, you got a roll as a fat fuck. Okay. All right. Now, I wasn't going to say that, but it was good. Yeah, I got it. Oh, the roll guy's here. We're on a roll.

Come on, folks. Podcast ends. Yeah, a role as a fucking, a teacher with too many kids. Joe, I gave you a good movie to watch it. I bet you didn't even watch it yet. Would you give it? I have a two-year-old son, but I did go see one battle after another last night. I saw your post.

Seen it, seen it? No. What is it? Leo, the new Paul Thomas Anderson with Leo and Benetio, Delphoro. Bananas! He's like a spire. something, a former spy? You gotta go.

Was it good? No, the not spy. It's so fun. Was it, was it you good or all of us good? Great question. Is it you good or universal? Is it art? Am I reading?

Is it art? My favorite movie is Jaws, for God's sakes. Ew, I was in Jaws. You act like I'm some fucking intellectual homo. No, you act that way. I don't. You do. I don't.

You do. You act like you and Ron on. You're like an art. We call you and Ron on Siskel and Ibert. We go, yeah, they're a real Siskel. Here are my all-time favorite movie. We wish Ronna would end up like Ebert. Whoa, jaw cancer.

Is that the one that died? No. They both dead. They both died from a tiger. Jaw cancer. Can you eat a pussy? I'm not fucking stepping on that. That was fantastic.

Oh, look at little Paco. Paco got his legs out. Look at those little Filipino little legs. Thank you, buddy. Paco. Paco was a little too much cream, Paco. You're why are he at Lewis's house this morning? He was training?

He was training? What was he training? You learned how to ride a bike? You're training him. You hire people to come to your house and train you? No, we went and trained 10 minutes from my house, and then afterwards I had to go shower and Pacco was driving in with me.

You trained with him, Paco? Oh, those other... Shout out to fucking pull up the name of that because this is my friend Jason's wife who made these cookies. Hey, Jason. Oh, no. That was awful, but you did just make it easier

for Joe's tiny mouth to eat. Bobby, Joe, it assist. Just a little grab of crumbs. I don't mind if I do. It's so funny. You got nuts. You don't want nuts. You like nuts in your mouth.

Oh, Joe likes nuts. Joe likes nuts. That's better than a dick in my mouth. It is. It's true. It's greater. Shout out to. Dick in your mouth is way better.

What is it? You'd rather have a dick in your mouth than nuts. Thank you, Jason's wife. No, no, I'd rather have nuts in my mouth. You'd rather have nuts than a dick. Of course. Guys, they have a little shout out. Red Lily Bakery.

You fucked up. You fucked up. You put nuts in my cookie. Ashley, the founder and C. She's going to be a. Skank Fest. They're doing an entire booth at Skank Fest where they're going to be doing treats for... Good job, Ashley. We'll make a better cookie next time,

Matt. Whoa. Say it to her face in New Orleans. I'm going to tell you why this cookie's good. Joe didn't even try it. They put a little salt in the top. Yeah, I love salt. You love salt. You know what? You know what a big Jake in my mind with was watermelon with salt on it. Joe needs a mass-produced fucking cookie. He's a sellout.

He needs a cookie from like a plate. Wait, I thought I was the fucking independent movie. cunt fucking intellectual guy or am I the corporate hack I'm not consistent The movie's fucking awesome It's Paul Thomas Anderson It's Picton Anderson, it's DeCaprio

It's fucking Benicio del Toro He's got a half black daughter Yeah Yeah Shot pan It's fucking great Really

I'm on board The preview is like its own movie That was my problem with it It's like so long It feels like reading Can I ask a question Please did they You're like, why am I reading this trailer?

When they first introduced this movie, did they make a trailer that, they fixed the trailer. Because the first trailer that came out made it look like pure comedy. And they put out of another. You're right. They might as well put in the Benny Hill music when he fell out of the truck in the first trailer. The first trailer was like, oh, this is a comedy. Now the second one is like, it's action and drama. There's a quite a bit of comedy.

I hate trail. I try to avoid trailers as much as I can't. I'd rather just say, Paul Thomas Anderson made a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio. And you're like, oh, shit. I'll check that. I mean, obviously, you can't do that with every movie. Fucking, you can't be like, Peter, Scoopooboo. He's a great fucking director and writer. He's a huge Scoopo.

Yeah, his movie, Scoopo dooby-Doo? You guys like Boopoo? Scoopo Boopo. Good improv skills, Joe. All right. It's fun. Was Adel Close over there? Crazy.

It's crazy and fun. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. You didn't watch the movie. You didn't remember the movie? Yes, it's called The Life of Chuck.

Chuck. You didn't watch it. I haven't been able to watch you. But you went to the movies. You went, you went and paid, went and got in line, took a subway to fucking wherever you went. Yes, I'm sorry. Paul Thomas Anderson jumped the line on Life of Chuck, a movie that only you recommend it. Stephen King.

Oh, it's a Stephen King. Stephen King movie. It's incredible. It was so good. I will watch it. Stephen King's a hack. I'm kidding. I just said that.

It's you like Stephen King. No, I know that he's like a left-be fucking lib-tard. People hate him for that now, but I don't care about politics. If you read The Shining, it fucking rules. Salem's lot, fucking rule. If you read it. Yeah, he's a great writer. I've read zero books.

He is a great writer. Salem's lot was when the kid was out the window and he would let me in. Yeah, and he's like tapping on the glass. And he's like, go away. I could never talk to a vampire. That's all you have to do with vampires, though, just say no. Shut up. That's like the most powerful thing.

You know, I'm very sensitive. Please, can I come in? I'm here to fix your cable. It's raining. It's porn excuses. I've got this pizza that you order. We're on the fifth floor. Crazy.

What is this movie Chuck? Life of Chuck. He tells me I got to watch it. I look it up. The post is a white guy with glasses. So Lewis is like, this is for you. You're going to watch narco. I almost just fucking spit.

Hey, Joe comes up. Hey, you've seen a fucking Sicario. Pretty good shit. That's what my favorite movie is all the time. I thought of you. It is great. I didn't recognize these guys because they're not art fakes. You are.

Yeah, I know. It was hurtful. It was a hurtful movie recommendation. Dude, the idea that he just saw a white guy on a poster. First of all, Loki. Loki is the character. And he goes, Joe List. That's so fucking funny.

What is it about? It's about, what, can I tell you? Yeah, I hope so. You don't know, do you? No, I know. I've watched it four times. Don't bring it up. Let him fucking.

Four times. All right. You've watched it four times? Yeah. It's my go-to when I'm hanging out with a new chick. Oh, so you're an eye. Yeah. It was four chicks.

This guy, Chuck invented fingering, the two knuckle technique. No, no, I just, you watch it. You see. different things each time like you fucking it's you i can't tell you what's about can i tell you why because the whole thing is it unveils what it's about you don't know what it's about the first whole third of it you don't know what the fuck's going on then the second third of you're like i really don't know what's going on and then the third act which is technically the first act because it's in reverse it all comes together and you're like this is fucking cool bring up the trailer

and then at the end of it you're like you cry and you're like damn man i got to fuck i got to make my life better you go i'm gonna be like chuck i'm gonna up chuck i'm gonna up chuck It's about Charles Barkley. It's his basketball career, college, professional, and then as an animal. Lewis never knew about him until now. This guy was great. Did you bring up the trailer? Oh, here it is.

I thought it was fucking good, dude. Oh, it's dancing? Dude, I'm telling you right now. Ian Lars is. Joe, Joe. It's the Joe List movie. It's such a Joe List movie. I'm telling you right now.

No, that's Joe List. He's dancing with Sarah. Outside. They do this a lot. Oh, shit. That's actually Karen. Oh, yeah, Matt. Oh, the Scooby-Doo guy.

Yeah. No, it's a complete, it's a silent movie, which is pretty cool. They do the text in between. I'm real sad. You should do a silent special and a silent podcast. I've gotten pretty good at both of those things. A life of Chuck. So it's just about his life.

Trailer starts now. He has cancer. Why don't you do a silent fatherhood and silent friendship? He has some type of disease. Tiff. Tiff is big. Tiff is big. Tiff Award?

It is Joe List. That's Gary Veter playing me. In the role of a life now. They didn't have to do any... I'm starring Gary Vee. Is this a horror movie or just a regular movie? No, it's a regular movie. Hey, I'm Chuck. I'm pretty gay.

And as I get older, I get gayer. I can't drink enough cum. Follow me on my journey. You're probably thinking if you put your headphones on, you'll be able to hear it. Oh, there's still no music. There's nothing. There's a sound.

Woo, woo, woo. Where's the sound? Good, good. I'm dead. I can't believe you're dying. Did everyone check his pockets? I'm sorry, just you're burying a guy with a full wallet? What's the point of that?

Anyways, give me a little schoosh. Ah, yeah. I love you, Jolese. Yeah. You're going to like... Dude, silent movie trailers is a new bit on the ranks. We just came up with a new bit. New bit.

You're going to wake... One day you're going to eat all the cookies you can eat. Should it be super racist every time? Shut up, dude. That's how they talk. We didn't go Like we wanted to I want to see your penis

That's why you're up there A life affirming masterpiece Says Louis J Gomez Hey trains You know who likes trains Yep Danny Yeah the dannies of the world What

Oh this is singing Hot teacher Oh this is gonna be taxing Dude it's so good I'm never gonna make it through This fucking movie You also have to remember that Lewis has that musical theater

streaking him. Thanks, Chuck. So he likes some musical theater stuff that where the regular, most of us would go like Oh, this looks too much for me. I got a new kid, I feel like I'm going to be sad. It's not like that, it's not sad like that. It's almost like it makes you like uplifting. Yeah. Like the notebook? Yeah, the notebook, they die. Did they die? Oh, spoiler alert. Look at all this though, huh? Benjamin. I've never heard of one

of these actors. Yeah, you're all made of this guy. This guy. Mark Hamel. That's, uh, that's Sloan for From Ferris Bueller. Oh, shit, yeah, it is. I can't watch anything Mark Campbell's in. I always think fucking... Yeah, you go, Luke Skywalks is just hanging out with the Jewish kid? So what, Luke Skywalk is back on Earth with the Jewish kid?

No, I will watch it. I just have, I don't get that much time because I'm a big sports guy. Sports is in the way. It's, by the way, the best time of the year for sports. It is, I agree. It's September and October are just incredible. Go. And at a point for, um...

Sports bet. Red Sox, Yankees, Tuesday. Whatever that... Prize picks. Shut up, bitch. Danny, were you doing a gay voice? Are you gay now? That's his voice.

He gets gay in the afternoon. He gets manlier at night. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah. Guys, I'm sorry. Yeah, when he's hungry. Danny's hungry, he hasn't eaten yet. He's gay.

And then by sunfall, he's like, sunfall. Sunfall, he's like sunfall. Sunfall's good. Sunfall's nice. It's not the sunfall yet. It's 80 degrees outside. Yeah.

This thing is so old and dirty. Has it ever been washed? Dude, do you fucking clean your fucking... I'm pretty sure the guy that made it is dead. Bobby uses this to fucking... To fucking clean the oil of his fucking... He goes, I'm a quart low. Also, shitty joke.

What's it called? An oil stick. Nope. Hold on. It's what you are. It's what he has a dipstick. Why would you do that? You still bombed.

You said that's what you are. Nobody left. He got it. You immediately went to. Yeah, I got it. You know what? New rule with the bomb dana. If somebody, if somebody tag

Fucked your shit. Hold on. Let me say it. I didn't say it yet. You know what I'm going to say? I do. What am I going to say? You're going to say,

New Rule of the Bomb Danna. If you point guard it, you can't, the person doesn't get the bomb d'clock. You get saved by the person. Why did I think I'm not, I knew, you're not that complicated.

You were going to say something that it favored you. Are we going to watch this movie and it's going to be pretty obvious the whole time? Lewis is like, first half of the movie, you're like,

is this even English. Second half of the movie, I'm like, what the hell is Luke Skywalker doing here? third half there's no even Darth Vader Pretty straightforward movie here Luke I am your father

You have a You ever fucking realtor deal That you're fucking sneaking in on the race? Shout out scuff realtor Oh my God Who's that? Nick Rochefort is hilarious The man dude

One of the funniest people I've ever met with him Nick Rochefort's like a guy really Oh I know that guy That guy is fucking funny Scott Realtors is his thing He's great Oh cool he's podcast

Dude his live show is hilarious I went and did it at the dojo He's like super Rhode Island Oh he's like What's up When I went to Providence, he's like, I got fucking, like, four food spots for you. He sent me this burger place that was fucking unbelievable. I've never heard of this, man.

Yeah, he's like Sam Hyde's right-hand man. Like, he does a perfect guy life with him, and I think they're Nazis or something. I don't know. I'm pretty sure they're Nazis, but that's okay. Really? I know that this movie that I'm going to watch is based on your... We should do a fucking watch along bonus content, right? This is a great.

Nobody's ever done this before. We watch a movie, and we put it out as a bonus. That's pretty cool. You should put it on Punchup. dot live. Yeah, we can do that and we'll watch probably no one else does that. No one else does it. Wait a minute. Or you could do it in your Patreon. I think somebody

somebody else did do that. Yeah, mystery science 3,000, riff tracks. There's been about eight people that have done it. Did you do one with that TV show? You, Ari? Oh yeah, 21, 6 and Joe. We also did Gomez watch a sign film. Everybody does. Zach Miko currently has Zach Miko's I did one of the midnight spook first midnight spook shows.

Everybody does. That's fucking nuts. So didn't Anthony Coomio. Everybody does it. Does that's what got him fired from opening and Andrew? His midnight's boot show. Yeah, it, everyone does it, dude. It's fun as hell. It is very fun to do.

That's why everyone does it. Because you do it and you go, people would want to watch this? People dig it. I'd do that movie watch along with you guys. I would love to do it. What? Life of Chuck? Yeah.

The life of Chuck. But at the end, we have to rate it if it's that good of a movie. Yeah. And there's a concept. The fate of it. The podcast should be on it. There's a consequence.

If we don't like it, we're like... If it's not that good of a movie. You shut a whole thing. No, but as we watch it, if we predict what's going to happen... Yeah. Then we... Lewis loses a piece of clothes. Yeah.

We cut one of his pinkies off. Strip watch along. Like the Japanese mob. He has to take a pinky. Who's the rules? Bobby made me laugh so hard. I don't remember what Paco did exactly. Oh, yeah.

But Bobby was so mad at Paco. He called me up. He's like, dude, I'm going to fucking kill Paco. I'm going to fuck him. He's like, I'm going to kill him. I'm going to cut off a skin and then wear it and call his parents

it fucking got me so hard calling Paco's coming around calling Paco's parents wearing your skin mom I killed your fucking she goes you know I can't hear the skin

I'm wearing you son's skin I'd have to FaceTime him how's the house going I lost it haunted one mom oh yeah what's going on with the poop did you get the fence the poop thing

What's the poop? What's the poop? I do have signs. I put signs out. And luckily, I had to say, here a lot. In this house, we believe in science.

Love. Oh, you should write Beware of Dogg, but spell it D-A-W-G. Ooh, beware of Doggy. That would have been a good name for the special. What?

Beware of Doggy. It's still a great name. You didn't name it yet. I technically did. What did you name? When's it coming out? You're making this worse. I like that name better.

Beware of Doggy. Beware of Doggy. That could be awesome the next one also. Dude, you know what? Bobby and I are two guys that love t-shirts that hide secrets. T-shirts that hide maybe, maybe we don't want to do abs. But we want to wear T-shirts. I just want to do tries, buys, and shoulders and chest.

That's it. I don't want to do abs. That's why I don't do legs. And that's why with True Classic, Get Ready, Baby, you get those shirts. They just fit you. They hide the problem spots. I'll tell you, can I tell you what I found out the other day? Yeah.

I was wearing head to toe, True Classic. dripping in it. Catch Bobby, dripping in it. Underwear. Sacks. What else you got? Shirt. Oh, looking fit.

Sweat shirt. Entire wardrobe. I had a hoodie. Entire wardrobe. True classic, make sure that their clothing is snug where you want it. And then it lets out where it's like, hey, don't tell anybody about this. Yeah, why didn't somebody invent this? We had to wear, like, if you were fat in the mid, you had to wear like a tee, a tall,

which made you look like you're wearing a dress. Yeah, which is as a tall lank, as someone with puff. nips. I don't need it too tight around my nips. I need it a little shoulders you can snug me. Shoulders. But not my nips. No weird bunching, no awkward tight spots, just a clean, effortless fit that works.

True Classic delivers premium essentials built for real life. Grab yours at Target or Costco or head to trueclassic.com slash regs with a Z because we're so naughty. We're naughty. And get hooked up today. Get it right now. Trueclassics.com slash regs with a Z.

It's my favorite ever. He's always wearing it. Oh, I love it. Did you watch the special? I'm, yes, I've watched the whole, hold on, yes, I watched the entire thing. I'm taking notes on it on the second. You know, you yelled at me one day for not having it out on time. I didn't yell at you.

I said, you were giving me anxiety. He called me up. He texted you. What is the text? You have the text? Dude, it was such. I just said, let me talk. I said, this is what I said, it's coming to you.

I just, I want to give you, I want to talk to you before you watch it. I just want to give you my notes before you watch it. Just a little heads up. That's not what he said. okay we'll see you got to do what you said all right he gave me a cryptic message it's not cryptic yeah what you guys did encrypted it wasn't cryptic it was it was it was basically i'm driving and i'm like different things he's like you're gonna get the special tomorrow before you watch i just want to give you a little talk to before you watch it type but i'm driving so i'm maybe it's short maybe it's not

in depth sure are you doing talk to text huh talk to text i text i text i have a fun idea for this the end special. I want to do like a post-credit scene like a superhero movie, so it'll cut from the credits into that. Is it your dad's eyes opening in the credit? So, but I sent Bobby the script. I sent him the script. He says nothing. Okay. So I said email. Because I have a family shows. Yeah. Watching down a special for the 50th time. You directed the special. Yeah, all this set, watching it down, make sure, you know, the edits are going the right way. The next day, Sunday, Sunday, I'd send him three question marks. Which is nuts. Just call me. Just call. Just call. Just call. Just call. So then he goes...

Hey, dude, what's up? So you've initiated the passive aggression. Whatever Bobby's about to say. Yes. There's nothing passive. You also could have done... Three question marks is very passive aggression. Let me just ask an honest opinion about this.

Yeah. What if you did the... You held down the script that he sent and then did the question emoji on the script? Is that okay? Or is that passive aggras? I think question emoji is not about... It's like, hey, did you see this?

You're just like reminding... It's like bumping it up. It's like bumping an email up. Or you go like, hey, did you see this if you do the question... Is that passive aggressive? I would say, hey, I know you're busy, but just wanted to bump this. No, no, no.

And then if he thumbs up that message, that's super pimp. A thumbs up is like, yo, fuck you. No, I do. I like to do thumbs up because I go, I read it. I think thumbs up is literally fuck you. I'm going to kill you jail. Well, young people are with you. Let's read it.

Let's read it. Let me read it. Okay. So then Bobby says. I'll be me because I'm here. Okay, fine. You do, say question mark, question mark. Email you as well.

No, just say. I wait a day. Question mark, question mark, question mark. Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow. call me in the morning. I have to talk to you about the special also. And then I said,

what about it? I'm very in the dark. I haven't seen anything. There's absolutely no chance for me to pitch this anywhere now. You have me worried. What? That was, you really...

That's crazy. You went down... You went down a road by yourself. Way down a road that... You realized that in that one text message, you went down a road by yourself. Yeah, you went... It's crazy.

You had no idea what he was talking about. No. It was... Somebody trying to buy a Louis-Bengel special. There's absolutely no chance for me to pitch this. This is a little chance for me to pitch this. nuts. Yeah. We weren't supposed to have it out until October anyways. Yeah. He

knows that. We talked about the progression of the special. Uh, the kids. No, no, stop explaining. Everything is fine. We just need to talk tomorrow. We just need to talk tomorrow. I'm not gonna text it. It's cryptic as fuck. No, it's not. You're special where you haven't seen anything. They refuse to show me. They're all watching it. No, no. They won't

give it to me. Because we won't, because you have fucking, you won't watch it. Crip keeper over here. That's why I call them now. I talk to you tomorrow. I just want to talk to you about I know, I didn't like it. I was trying to get away from it. Ready? Ready?

Ready? Ready? I went like this. Everything is fine. Everything's fine. Yeah. Just need to talk tomorrow. Yeah.

About what? About what? Let me know what's going on. I'm getting a lot of anxiety right now. I don't sit well with cryptic messages like this. Dude, I don't know Lewis spins out like from a regular fucking dead. Lewis was like, I got a gun to my head. What the fuck is going on?

I'll fucking rob this bag. It's nuts. It's nuts. It's nuts. I will rob his bank. Wait, it's nuts. It's like, it's just, sorry, we're just going to talk. Just talk.

By the way, you're just like laying on your couch on a Sunday watching football. It's Sunday, by the way. It's like, I'm just back, I just back from the road. Sunday business is insane. Sunday is insane. Especially what a loser is. We're just on the road. Seven days a week, 24 hours of a day, business day.

You also do Saturday night, 11.30 p.m. You did the question mark. Yeah. I had to write back. I'm sorry. I work Saturday night at 11 o'clock. Yes. Fuck face.

Yes. Sunday is. Nuts. If people text me unrelated to business on a Sunday, I'm furious. That's the fucking Lord's day.

And then we talk. So I call him immediately. I mean, I'm literally driving with the family. So you don't feel like having this time. I haven't seen it. This is yesterday. I don't know.

This is a couple weeks ago. A couple weeks ago. And I. You killed Bobby. Excuse me. Seriously. I'm just like, dude,

everything's fine. You're reading this wrong. I just want you to, when you look at it, look for bumps. Look for things that bump you. It's just a regular conversation that somebody would

would have with somebody before you watch it you know it's not done color's not done sound is still going to be a just like just these things right that'd be great dude and it's just a simple simple conversation and I'm like fuck all right I'll have it right now

I'm in the middle of something yeah pop is it and it's like fuck dude when you tell me that you you just you have to talk to me about the special I'm going what the fuck is wrong with the special nothing's wrong I don't think you can I say this thank you hold on let him Bobby let him say what he just said

I don't think you're completely right. Okay, so when you say that, and I go, everything's fine. Yeah, fine, but everything's fine. That isn't that reassuring. That is not that reassuring. But I called him immediately. Yeah. After he's threatening, it's dead.

Bobby's crazy to see it as a threat. There's absolutely no chance for me to pitch this anywhere right now. You're reading a different time. You have me worried. Everything's fine, dude. Please let me know what's going on. I'm getting a lot of. Wait a minute.

Hold on. I'm getting a lot of anxiety now, and I don't sit well with Chris. Cryptic messages like this. That's how Lewis is saying. This is a very good exercise. You guys read each other's texts? How they felt. And then I sent...

But then I sent... This is what I sent after. Sorry, my message seemed cryptic. Hold on, no, no, no. You don't get to read your own text message. Lewis, how did you take that? Sorry, my message seemed cryptic. Everything looks amazing.

Okay. After the phone call. That's right. Now, but this was after the phone call. I said another text... Then he wrote, call me, and then I said, okay, that's good so anyway everything

so I'm like oh Jesus Christ I'm busy on the phone call is nuts too I have a lot going on like I have nothing going on I have nothing

I'm just doing I have all the time in the world yeah you got like another 15 years so I'm like thanks why you being so nice

dude so I'm like dude fucking relax everything's good I just want to have a basic conversation before you see it

talk to me. Sure. That's it. Don't watch it without talking to me first so that you know, so your brain is in the right place that we have a couple of things. Right. And it just goes down this. We can't.

I didn't know we were pitching it anywhere. I didn't, that was never. No, we're not now. Well, we didn't, there was never on the table. You knew it was coming out in October. Well, you knew the time. And maybe if we pitched it somewhere. We couldn't.

We could have sold it to fucking, uh, you know, turning points. I've seen it. You're not selling it. I'm selling it to turning points. Listen. so anyways I get Rick

get him I watch I've watched this special so many fucking times and Rick has made

so many little tweaks and adjustments right and I don't I hate watching but I'm doing it right

from front to back full thing full thing going through I'm talking about he's the director I'm not supposed to be so funny

that's such a funny I don't got to Spielberg's like I got to watch this whole fucking the editor listen no no

no watches it. You have to watch. The director walk. No, no, no. I watch it. Ridley Scott is like, I'm just, I don't know.

I can't do it. I want it. Get it out of my face. Editor Google watching. James Cameron goes, if I see one of those blue things again, I'm gonna fucking shit.

That's not true. Dan, you know that's not true. You're in the business. The editor edits it and then gives it and then you watch it down. I'm starting from scratch. The first five minutes

I'm watching. I'm not watching the whole thing. Scorsese goes, I didn't even know good fellows ended like that. I didn't know he's a rat. I mean, sure, we shot it? And then I give it to him, I'm like, dude, okay, you got it.

So, Rick said, cool, bang, we got it, go. I call him up fucking a week later. Yeah. I have heard nothing. Threatening, dude, it's all. There's nothing threatening. Admit that you took it as a threat when it wasn't a threat. And I'll admit that I took crypticism.

Well, there was no crypticism. I do like to know that I can launch you with crypticism. I can just go, Lewis, why isn't the contract in? And you go, what? I'm just kidding. Talk to you tomorrow. Call me. Talk to you tomorrow. Call me in the morning. I have to talk to you about the special also. I'll have to talk to you about the special also. That's it. So you read that creptic.

You could have just said, hey, dude, what's up? Anything wrong? No, no, nothing wrong. Everything's great. But I get, instead of getting the phone call right after that. Joe, Joe agrees with me. I love Joe's face right. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to agree with me. I think you're the crazier one. But it's Sunday. Everything's good. Have to talk to you about the special. I have to talk about the special also. Call me also have to talk about the special. Right?

And then everything's fine. We just need to talk tomorrow. I feel like you're doing a lot of post-production cleanup over your case. Now, I'd like to, my best to stay neutral because I love you both. And I think you're both. You like me more. Lunatics, of course. Okay.

But I would like to say that it is no. I'm kidding. It is known that we need to talk is generally considered. In a relationship, it means it's over. No, that's not what I wrote. If a girl says we need to talk, it's over. I'm literally clearing out my phone. Hold on if a girl says, we need to talk.

You're reading it wrong. We need to talk is bad. I never wrote, we need to talk. What did you say exactly? Right. The first thing, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Call me in the morning. I have to talk to you about the special also.

So I wanted to talk to him about something and then also about the special. I have to talk to you and we need to talk are very similar. No, we need to talk. Oh, I have. Bobby, if Don, if Don, no, no, I have to talk to you. No, no, no. Hey, I have to talk to you. Wait, wait a minute, watch, watch it.

Bobby, hold on, if Dawn said to you, we need to talk. I'll fucking hit that, bitch. Hold on, hold on. Word is like him. Because also what you're saying is bad, I have to talk to you. If Don wrote to you right now, I have to talk to you, you would step aside and call her. No. We need, wait, wait, my heart would start beating.

I'd start sweating you. If Katie said me or we need a talk ago. I would snap my lapop and half. If Dawn said, I have to talk to you, that's something about Max, something about that. We need to talk. She got my phone. She got my phone. You know what I said?

We need to talk is, I found something. She goes, I saw your porn history. I have to talk. Cool shit, huh? I have to talk to you about, is Max, can be anything. Yeah. That's waiting. We need to talk.

It's way worth. I feel like it's first degree and second degree murder. Yeah, I think in general. That's a lot of time. Would you say that's a little cryptic? Does somebody say something like that? I don't know. This is genuinely a question.

Can we get cryptic definition? I'm not 100%. Showed up. what cryptic means, and so I don't want to agree your... Show me cryptic. Show me the crypticor. Keeper, go down. Hey, yeah, man. We should have this in about nine minutes.

Wow. I know. Cryptic meaning. Having a meaning that is mysterious or obscure. It's not obscure. It's just calm me tomorrow. I've got to talk. Everything's good. Everything's fine.

It's mysterious. When I said everything's fine, everything's fine. Fine is... That has weird connotations. Fine's not good to you. Yeah. All I would say is... If your special was fine, you wouldn't put it out.

If mine's fine, it's like, that's a win. All I would say is... It's fine. No, here's the thing, though. Let's move on past that. You apologize? I apologize. And I...

You never apologize. I literally apologize. Sorry, my message seemed cryptic. Everything looks amazing. That's nice. I sent that in the... After we spoke. Not a thumbs up.

Which is even better of me. We already spoke, and I still said... No, you wanted proof. You wanted a... He knew this was coming. He wanted the paper trail. He knew this day and court. That's bullshit.

I sent that because we're friends and I wanted you to, hey, man. Also, at this point, Lewis has a backpack full of encyclopedias and he's doing pull-ups on the fucking set of traffic lights. Yeah. I'll take it. I don't know where that came from.

I don't know what the fuck that means. He just got in a fight. That bomb Dan is brought to you by Ashley's Red Lily Bakery. If you don't like nuts and a cookie, she'll put them directly on there. It's a buck you. I think I'm more in agreement with you. But I do think you could, and you have to remember.

And I did call him immediately when I saw him spiraling. I mean, by the way, which was in one text. Watch them fall down the stairs in one text. And two things I saw spiraling, and I'm literally with my family. I go, I have to call. I got to call Lewis right now because he's taking this crazy. And we talked on the phone, got a little heated, right? Because we're both the same dude.

But we was good. We're better with each other. now and we had great okay fine i got him the special the next day i was a cool watch it a week goes by and i'm like um hello i question more question more question i need to know what the ending is because i didn't watch it not i'm the director hey dude can you tell me what happens at the end do you what joke do you close on i barely remember well i mean look i'm telling you right now i've watched this so many times and i've laughed yeah and i don't it's hard for me to laugh watching comedy. I've laughed so many times. It just, it just comes out. The same joke. It really,

visually and joke-wise, it's the best thing he's ever done. And I think it's one of the best specials I've seen. Look at that. It really, I'm saying a really, really good job on the, on the, on the, on the hour and, uh, and where he picked it. And it was just a great special. It really came up great. Have you watched it? Yeah. I watched the whole thing. I didn't, I did. I sort of right. I sort of watched it the first time. like 20 minutes of notes I have and then I wash it with my sister I just wanted to see like

somebody else's opinion You got it And then she's a c- She's like some of the jokes ended abruptly You fucking bitch It's so funny You should add this into the tag You go I can't

It's film She literally said she was like You should have said this And you go it's done It's cool I can't put it back in the kitchen She goes you should have put like A Legion of Skank sign on the stage

And I'm like you fucking twat No no she It's a hundred percent A comedy special about his stand-up That's what I love about it It has nothing to do with really all the other fucking kaijinks. You know what I mean? It's very, really, to the point, beautiful joke.

It's all about his jokes. It's great. You're going to love it. When's it coming out, October? I don't know. He's going to watch it. I'm doing Rogan, I think, on the 27th or 28th. I'm going to try to get it out.

Whatever day that episode's coming on. But the name of it. Call him Mr. Rogan again. Mr. Rogan. What are you? I've done like seven times. I know. I mean, first of all, I was making a fucking joke.

Yes, I was. I what do you do What happened By the way It's just so fun that I know it does No because Dan Dan goes on to Reddit And lurks with the fucking losers

You do no no no he does He's a lurker I do it I do it You do it on me He goes on He doesn't even understand That was an old joke

It was a bit on Legion of Skanks Where I would call it Mr. Rogan And then I was like Mr. Rogan And then people were like Oh he's sucking Rogan's dick Calling him Mr. I said it on the regs

A long time ago And you still was mad Oh it's crying to Mike You guys want a zip-pick The new tobacco What the fuck? Peppermiff? Zippics.

I'll pick one of your Zipk. What the fuck is that? It's a sponsor for our show. It's awesome. It's on our show now? Yeah, it's coming on. What is it? Let me see the packaging.

I think it's coming out of that. They're a nicotine toothpicks. Oh, I don't want one. They have ones with B12. Oh, yeah, dude. I don't want nicotine again, though. I fought very hard. I fought very hard.

Dude, nothing. I was doing like a black guy. How old is she? She'd be 12? I'm so sorry. you've had two thuds though that was a good one that was a great one yeah she'd be 12

I think an important thing to say also why are you being so fucking artsy fucking poignant Joe over here is that you walk around with this hard bark I'm the great I'm the point guard

a fucking but deep inside all of us we are artist homos and you don't want to say you're an artist. But you are an artist and so by nature, you're very sensitive. So you, Lewis, and you Bobby

have to give a little bit of leniency when someone is Kurt because they think of you as this. This person's a better good. They're not watching either. It's not going to. What is Bobby directed? Did you know

that COVID didn't actually happen in a lab? Did you know that Juulays are real? Did you know that if the Tetonic plates are controlled by Israel? They think of you as these hard, tough, ball-busty guys, but deep down, you're big fucking gay men. And possibly more sensitive than even I am.

No, Joe's a fucking fit. No. No. Lewis. No, you've cried. I don't know. You cried. Order of sensitivity.

I've never cried. Yeah, you have. I bet you. I know what I've watched you cry on Legion of Skanks with the judgment. I was hammered. You cried at Life of Chuck. I was hammered. Life of Chuck.

You cried. Well, you know, I shed a little tear. I legitimately have serious emotional problems and can't cry. Really? Yeah. Where's the last time you let a good one out? Like a good one. Like the one where the tears are hot.

You cried. Hot tear cries. He made me cry. Really? He cried and he made me cry. What did I cry? Oh, a movie? Hot tear.

Guys, we're doing bits. Can we just slow it down a little bit? I feel like we haven't been able to catch any bits. Do you? Yeah. What are you talking about? We do it silent? Well, that was fun.

We're doing, what I'm saying? You flip up, we get a new, we got a new bit on the wreck. He goes, oh, t-shirts! Yeah, we got a new bit. Follow that goal thing. Us doing trailers, silent charles is a fun bit. We should maybe get another trailer or two. Lewis is the podcast prospector.

Oh, that's going to lead to a whole bit. Keep following that thing. Yukon. Yukon Gomez? Yukon Gomez is so funny. Oh, follow that voice. Oh, that's a whole vandal. Oh, that's going to be so many shows.

Oh, jump to our nations. Now, let me show you. I'm letting you guys do a bit right now. As opposed to just yelling over it. Point, this is point. Sometimes you've got to sit back and say nothing, and that's it. That's everything. Thanks.

Thanks for the fucking podcast lessons. Negative space. Oh, boy. Well, that's going to be. Three more bits. And this isn't even that good of a bit. I'm just letting you guys go. That's fantastic.

We have a great time with it. Prospect Gomez is my favorite new character. Oh, that could be a whole show. It's Skagfest. Jump in Carnageans. Lewis is on his phone. He's texting the merch company right now, Gomez. Right now.

Can we do a Prospector shirt? Yukon Gomez. Oh, shit. Wow, that was a good one. Let's do a trailer. Are we doing another trailer? The 4th of July. We know what this is about this.

Who's idea was this? Hold on, no, no, no. Punish them. No, no, they need to be punished. Play, let's try to do it. You understand, though, the text message now? Do you understand the text message? What are you made?

What are you? We know the movie. Yeah. If we all know the movie, it's not a fun thing to... Are you going to ever become... Are you ever going to... Are you ever going to go back and deal with the pain

of your childhood and why you're so hurt? Yeah, I wrote a book called Knives and Spoons. It's available now. It's number one bestseller on Amazon. Is it really? It was, yeah, in comedy. Is it available right now?

Right now, go download it. No, you can't. I'm going to do the book. I'm doing the audio book. It's me, Jay, and Dave, I'm doing Lewis voice. But what I think about doing at Skangfest is you guys reading excerpts from it, as Lewis? As Lewis. I'm having my friends.

Do it on Sunday, and I'm in. Let's go. Can I get a copy of my reading for us so I can get it right? I don't fail in front of people because I have What are you, Floyd Mayweather? I suck it reading live. I used to have to do that at A.A. meetings and just I go, come on, you want to make me drink again.

I don't think Joe can do a good me voice, so. I don't think Joe can do a good me voice. What are you, Batman? What is that? Lewis, Lewis. Maybe James, brush your teeth. But I'm going for a real voice. You got to fucking get up in the morning.

Suck your own dick. Drink your own combo around on your fucking eyeball and wake up. That's him reading my. email. No, the bit, fuck face. This wasn't my idea. But the bit in general is you make fun of whatever the movie is.

It doesn't matter if you know what the movie is. It's better with a non-mo. All right, let's go. Fourth of July, like, Joe's just trying to get a few pre-comer right now. I was trying to go, oh, look at this. It's about a faggot with glasses, you dummy. I'm point guard.

Is that your movie? Yeah. Are you not paying attention? We're literally watching Joe's movie. It's Joe's movie. Hold on, wait a minute. Run, run. I thought he was doing this.

Start from the beginning. Oh, so now it's a good idea. Now it's a good idea. I saw something that I want to make fun. Dan, you got a bit in your mind. Dan, what's the Tom Hanks movie? I'm going to get a movie. I'm going to take.

The Tom Cruise movie. Isn't that all the right move? Born on Fourth of July. This is Fourth of July. I was in this. Let's see. Yeah, Bobby's great in it. Let's see.

In a world where there's not good lighting in a movie. Ah, that was fun. In a world where the guy was who jerked off in front of people, helps people not jerk up. He goes, what do you mean? I can't jerk off in front of you and Joe goes because I don't like it I don't know why are you in the shadows here

this dialogue is should we cut Lewis out of this movie oh look at you jamming dude it's the lighting on the screen it really looks if you with silent it actually just seems like the life of Chuck which came before

hey fat bobby look at that fan the fan I'm a look at that thing of the back of my neck is this the whale I don't like you Karen's going to go on the road with me

It's okay Why am I with this guy Trust me Why am I with him It's okay if she goes on the road Karen's never gone on the road with me Karen's sucking his dead here Hey I need heroin

That's just what Hey Tony Vee Just shout out Tony Vee Look there's no blacks up here He goes it's great I can say it with a hot eye He's like put me in the movie This way no it'll have

God damn it you brought a black And a ginger. They had to stay in the side house. All right. Well, it looks like a lovely family. We lost steam. Lewis, did you see the movie? This movie?

Yeah. No, I would never watch the movie that I was cut from. No. Really? It's weird. Where did they tell you? They cut me from the movie.

I watched my scene about for an hour and a half, which is on repeat. And James is like, I want to go to bed. I think that was right here, James. I think it was a damn fun bit. See me get on that car? He watched a scene that was cut. We won't watch a special through.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Remember, can we tell a story about your other special where you were like, can you watch this and tell me what you think? What? You don't remember that? No. Lewis is like, this is my new special. I just shone it.

I hope you could watch it. Give me some note. Let me know what you think. It comes out like four days. He sends it to me. Lewis walks on stage, takes the mic out of the mic stand. It cuts to Lewis walking on stage, taking the mic. What?

It's like a double cut of him taking the mic immediately. Like 10 seconds in, I'm like, dude, you're taking the mic out twice. He's like, fuck. I didn't even know that My first special? Yes Louis J. Gomez was the one Because he never watched me

He doesn't watch his shit Because you were wearing different pants In the second part of the thing And he goes Son of a bitch It's literally Like this is the mic And he's like

Hey what's up Hey what's up I'm like I'm seven seconds Shit! This is about to go out like I said with that with my book The fuck it And you're there's a typo in your No shit

Your what do they call it? The forward Oh you're You wrote the forward? You wrote the forward? Preface. And you did, do you fixed it? You should have left it.

The publisher sent it to me. Guard. With the typo. Like, this is the book. And I'm like, there's a fucking typo on the first paragraph. I was like, what are you doing? I flipped out. Oh, my God.

You're going, in all my years of writing. And all my years of being published. Question mark. Question mark. We're never going to get this in a festival. Come on. I'm trying to get into several book fairs. That's how I'm going to make my money back.

Scholastic. I want to do. Kids taking their $10 and buying knives and spoons. I think we had some good laughs in that Fourth of July trailer. You can buy it at Louis CK.com. Let's pull up the Tom Dustin Portrait of a Comedian trailer. Is that still making money for you? Big time.

I hung out with Tom. Fourth of July? He's the man. I was just down in fucking Q. Q.S. How fun was that? He was the best. He was 80 days sober. Nice.

Or so he says. That's crazy. That's awesome. Yeah. Check of the movie. Tom's hilarious. We might be helping him put together a Key West Comedy Festival.

Oh, that's awesome. The Key Westival. It's a terrible name. We're gonna convince them not to have that name. We don't really have to watch the... What's the name of the festival? Key Westville. He wants to call it Key Westival.

And I was like, I was like, great idea. It's not bad. Well, what's your idea? Skank Farts? Skank Farts. I wish... I'll give anything to change the name. Skank Farts is cool.

I'm pitching the movie to a lady producer. I'm like, all right, so here's the movie. Skank Fest. And she goes, do you mind if I take down my hair and take off my glass? The Palooza. Yeah. Sorry, it's Soggy Pussy Festival. She goes, why did you call it that?

He goes, we're on the podcast called The Soggy Pussies. I'm on the phone with lawyers and accountants saying Skank Fest over and over again. You should have named it, it's Comedy Fest. That's like when the network was Glory Hole. Oh, yeah. And I was on, I forget, some talk show. Oh, yeah, you changed it after like a week. Well, I was on a show, they were like, they read it.

They were like, yeah, you can see them on the, I can't say that on TV. I was like, oh, yeah, we're going to change that. Join the riot! Welcome to ButtFuck Welcome to ButFuck Podcasts. We've been coming in this studio for a fucking 20 years. I've been coming to your wife for a bit of that. Whoa, dude, do not do that.

That's not cool. No, he can do that. Okay, good. No, I'm just saying it's coming. It's dead. I don't have to worry about a fucking maniac child coming out of that. But if you did. Oh, I want to address something on the show.

Oh, please, Joe. We love just addressing. instead of just having fun and talking. Yeah, let's not hang out. Bad, Joe. No, let's do a press conference. No, hang on one second. I like serious Joe.

Go ahead, address it. The name of the show, the regs, has nothing to do with how often the show comes out, you fucking nitwits. Oh, they know that. They're making a joke about us. They're making a joke about us being irregular, which is funny.

I don't think anybody literally thinks it's called The Regular Podcast. We're the regulars. No, no, I think they do. No. No. I don't think you're going to get torched in the comments now. You could have not read that.

Never mind. I'll be laying in my hotel bed, reading these. Hey, guys, as I scroll with all the lights and curtains closed in a doom spiral, I'm reading these. Light them up, everybody. What a dumbass, everyone. I'm doing a bit. It's a bit, guys. Serious show?

Of course they know. They never get anything way super wrong. This podcast is called the regs because we all dump regularly, right? We all take shits at a regular time. Fall always feels like a reset. So why not reset your meal time routine? Factor meals, baby. I'm gonna tell you right now.

Please. Now that I'm like, I kind of had, the travel season is upon me. It's like non-stop now. Factor meals. Just order it. It's in the refrigerator. There's no like, what are we going to eat tonight?

It's, we got this. The best part is you don't have to. If you don't want to, you don't have to do like a cleanup. Yes. Cleanup is the worst. Also, here's the thing with, me is I, now that I'm in my 40s, I need vegetables. I can't just be having.

Yeah, you do. I just can't be eating crap all the way. Yeah, and you're not going to go buy vegetables. You're going to go pinch a pepper. Is this fresh? You don't know anything about that. Pre-prepped, dietitian-approved meals ready in just a few minutes. And this fall, they're bringing you a wider selection of weekly meal options, including premium seafood, salmon and shrimp. No extra cost. 90% of customers say that Factor helped them live a healthier life. And Factor can help you too. Eat smart at factormeals.com slash regs.

50 off. That's the full, I'm not joking. A lot. That's a big promo code. Regs with a Z, 50 off. This is like a treasure map. I'm not sending you a missile launch code, but if you do use the code, Regs 50 off, you get 50% off your first box. I like to wear it off. It's kind of sexy. Oh, get it all. All right. All right. Plus, free breakfast, free year. That's the code R-E-G-Z-5-0. You have to use the numbers, O-F-F, launch. Regs, 5-0 off.

Factor. Get delicious. Ready-to-eat meals delivered with Factor. Offer valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. You and I make decisions every day, but on prize picks, being right, can get you paid. Do not miss any of the excitement this football season on prize picks where it is truly good

to be right. Very simple. You pick more or less on at least two player stats and watch the game and see if you're right. It's as simple as that. I don't know shit about sports. sports boys. You guys are both sports guys. I'm not. Well, I call you a sport guy. Sporty. You're sporty. You're very sporty. I do. I'm not going to lie. You're sporty as hell. You got a pack on you. You got a, you got a, you always got,

you're ready to camp. I'm going to get a convertible me out of the regs. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'll take that. You're posh spice. You little, you little vixen. My pussy going to come out of my dress. I'm scary spice. I'm half black. Yeah. Yeah, the dark one. Joe's the one with a huge tits. He's a baby's two. Oh, he's baby or is he ginger? He's baby spice. Oh, he's baby spice. I'm pizza slice. With a hot slice. If you pick correctly, you win some serious cash.

That is the truth. Price Picks is even the only app that offers stacks, which means you can pick the same player up to three times in the same lineup. So much fun. When my friends are watching sports, this is what I do. I go to the Price Picks app. I'm like, let me just fucking get a little skin in the game right now because I don't care about who wins or who loses.

But you care if you're winning money or if you're losing money. So that's the way I do it. Price Picks offers Venmo, Apple Pay, MasterCard, and more quick and easy deposits from your bank account all football season long. Right now, download the Price Picks app today and use the code R-E-G-Z to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Download that app today, the Price Picks app, and use that code Rags, R-E-G-Z for $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Price Picks, it's good to be right. Dude, I read a Reddit thread today.

You guys know Peyton Ruddy? Have you met this guy, Peyton Ruddy? No. Very funny Austin comic. You don't know him? Yeah, he opened for you at Mothership. Yeah, he's hilarious. Very funny.

He sent me this thing. He's like, do you do this bit? He does a bit, it doesn't matter the bit. He does a bit about whatever. And then I opened, he opened for me. And then someone saw him again, and they swear to God, he's doing a word for word bit that I did. But they just saw him do it.

So then this guy posts around a long story. He's like, I know comedian's share material, but this guy is the old. Yeah, exactly. Hey, you're going to do that thing about your dad dying? Could I do it? And he's like, maybe Joe bought it. Like, I'm like, yeah, I bought a bit off my opener and let him keep doing it. You go, hey, that little thing.

right there? How much you're going to cost that I can take that thing to St. Louis? But you read the threat and it's important to read these things sometimes because you realize that not everybody, not even the majority but there is a large amount of complete fucking tards. Yeah, well I found out recently

that 54% of Americans can't read above a sixth grade reading level. And 35% of them are here. But you know what? When I did Conan for the first time I don't know. He wrote a book. The math didn't make it. With a helper. I I wrote a book, too. We're the only two people.

We're the only two people that have... And let me say, you guys are published authors. And we can't read... I wrote the majority of the book. The majority of it. On a typewriter. Yeah.

No, my computer. Yeah, my co-writer, and I love him. God bless his soul, but he just wasn't captured my voice. On a typewriter. He would, like, you... Did he have to come live with you for a month to get the experience? No, he just... It was like, it was sounding like somebody was writing a book about me and first person.

I kind of would... No emotion. I kind of like the idea of like a Jane Goodall studying and gorilla kind of angle on you. I'm Afro Latino. That's actually legitimately racist. I hate that. No, it's not. You can't do that. You can't go around being fucking fucking... Oh my God, he does have chimp strength.

Cancel. Chimps strength. That's the special thing. That's good. But I'll tell you, Joe, when I did Conan, when I put out... Conan? What is this? The 80s? Fucking asshole over here. Pretty sick. Just throwing in your credits. I did a couple times, too.

Well, the reason is because it tells the story. They put it on YouTube. When I did Funatikos, on Comedy Central Mobile back in the day. That's not even a real thing. It was, almost. Funak, what is it? Funakus. Was it Japanese?

They go, next to a good comedian. A rear-ass dude. Welcome to Funakakouz. Number one. He was huge in Japan. You can't go to Tokyo with Lewis. He gets mob. Legit mom.

They try to touch his face. I don't know what it is over there. He's like Bob Sapp. They think his mustache is magical. They try to touch his face. Fucked up. Tokyo MTV Raps. Okay.

Um, but in the comments on the YouTube thing, it was like, yeah, um, he stole this entire act from John Malaney, word for word. I heard him do it this summer at this Comedy Central show. And it was like, I opened the Comedy Central show with that set. And the guy just watched it. Malaney was on later and was like, oh, this guy took his act for Malady. Well, that's what's, sometimes that happens. That's what's happening in this situation. Somebody don't come up to you after a show and be like, dude, that bit about this was so good.

And I'm like, that was the opener. You don't even correct him. You're like, oh, thank you. Yeah, I've been working on that for a while. That happened to me this weekend. Really? Yeah, somebody was going, dude, I love that bit. And I was like, no, it was big J's.

It's so funny. I got email me today. That black people versus N-words, fucking awesome. And I like your last hand. Dude, that was so funny. I'm watching The Office with James in an episode two. They have to have sensitivity training

because Michael repeats the Black People versus N-Words bit in the office. That's very funny. They also say F-A-G-G-O-T on the TV show, a bunch. Yeah. The office was ballsy as fun. fuck yeah it's awesome yeah great i'm uh yeah we're watching me and james are watching it now

i did men and his mom's trying to watch abbott elementary with him i'm like this is just black a less funny office janele james yeah she's isn't there a new office out yeah it's called the paper the paper with uh alex edelman yeah edelman's on it yeah i like Alex he's like one of the main guys main guy all over he's not the main guy one of them he's like one of them yeah all over the Subways. Well, nice. Good. Dude,

that friend.com thing is creepy as fuck. I was showing it to you before. Oh, there's, oh, O'Reilly, auto parts. This?

You do not deserve. That was good enough that that goes in the middle. It's neutral now, boy. I like this on fire, dude. What?

Uh, uh, a, a, a, start me and walk. Ah! You hold them in tears.

I'm on fire. very specific way. I've been having a tough time of it. Oh, Mike, your phones keep on going out. You've been having a tough time on what, Joe? Comedy on this episode. No, you're killing, Joe. You're talking about you just had two strikeouts.

You got the bomb dana taken away. That never happened. Thanks, guys. This is really helping. I can take it away, dude. That AI shit. That AI, what's? I saw Nate at the Garden.

We were both trying to change topics. I didn't even care. By the way, it was this. By the way, Nate at the Garden or AI? You guys choose. Nate at the Garden. Then we'll go to AI later. AI is Evergreen.

Why will just bum me out? Why? Why will it bum you out? Because it's going to take us all over. It's not going to control the weapons, and then everyone's going to have to fight each other. But not our kids. Not me. I'm very friendly to my AI. I love my AI. I don't think you're off. And he goes, thank you, Lewis.

I will spare you. I will spare you in the end. I love my AI. You saw Nate at the Garden? Saw Nate at the Garden. So I was in two weeks ago. He's like, I'll be in New York. I'm like, I'm off that weekend, let's hang,

and then I sent him a nice text post Emmys. Not a word. Really? Yeah, he's busy guy. Hey, he's my son's godfather. He's got to return my text. So you went, who, did Chris Rock do his set or Jimmy Fallon? Jimmy Fallon.

How was Jimmy? How was he? No. Yeah, it's like fucking, he's like a realtor. He just comes out and he goes, he's fine. He goes, this kitchen is going to knock your socks off. Did he do jokes or sing? He did stand up and then he closed with a guitar bit.

It was fine. It was entertaining enough. I understand why he's, I understand why he's entertaining. He's not a stand-up. Did you get tickets? Did he want a honky-talk, man, him? What do you mean?

Did Nate give you tickets? No, I bought tickets. No, that's so funny. Nate goes, yeah, you can watch from up there. Of course he gave me tickets. Hey, there's a guy named Louis. Yeah, it was on the floor. I was like six rows back.

He told security, he goes, hey, if there's a guy named Lewis coming around with his kid saying I'm his godfather, just keep him away. No, I mean, it was awesome. No, James, I mean, James is so fucking excited. I got emotional. The opening package, it's like all the old videos of Nate at the Broadway comedy club, like young Nate. and it's just like news people would be like

Did you cry? He goes, I almost did. You did? I almost left of Chuck did. It's so Nate's videos like, and I got rid of all those friends. And I shed all of them. That was just like, you know, a moment

where you're like watch your, because like, look, I'm friends with Shane but Nate's like a fucking brother. Like Nate was, you know, we were neighbors and we fucking, he's my son's godfather. We were fucking. You picked a good godfather.

I know. I picked Colin. That's funny. I don't know what you want me to tell you. You're fucking dad's dead Now I control you I don't know You better get good

Better fucking like You gotta fucking You're gonna pizza Hey I hate to call and tell you But your fucking parents died in the car So you're fucking But so fuck What a pro dude

I mean so good It was and then his father opened Which was also Yeah Magic Yeah he did magic But very funny So the big trick

You know is a big trick at the end Which is a great trick It's like 15 minutes Of like lead up Of him just being funny Yeah It's comedy magic but it's like, you know, clean and just like, you know, just...

Yeah, it was just fucking great, dude. Steven Bargotsky's so good. And then it was, Julian McCullough was hosting. Shout out, Julian. So, it's so funny because Julian's not really a clean comic. So you just see him doing what he's like, he's just soullessly having to be cool. You know what's funny?

It's like when a sex addict becomes religious. And you go, I know you just want to fucking suck. And they go, I think family is pretty important. And you go, you just want to be covered in camaraderie. And you know what I think about that? He's just grabbing the mic. He's like, and he killed, by the way, Julian fucking murdered. So funny.

I loved you. Then it was Stephen. Then it was Fallon. And I shouldn't say, like, he was, he was great in his own way. The audience loved him. Was the pop big for Fallon? Yeah. They do like a, did he do like a ladies and jet like an undertaker?

Like a dong. And then it's Fallon on stage. That'd be like, boom, bong, boom. That'd be sick. NBC. None of that. Okay. But then Nate came out and did like an.

maybe an hour and 10. He's got a great AI bit. No, AI bit's great. And then his closer, his new closer, it's a family thread text between him and his family. Fucking, like, going to be classic. Yeah.

It's going to be a classic, like, a bit. You know, certain bits you just, like, talk about. Like, that's going to be a fucking big one. Really good. Then we went backstage, you know, James is, like, back to the garden. And they went in, who are you? What's your name? Hey, one of the cooks got back here with his kid.

Here's an autograph for your kid. I wrote it on a starboard band. I brought Max to the Pussycat last Monday to see his godfather We got it pretty easy Two drinks Well worth it We sat up in the balcony

We got the VIP So was Lewis Lewis Was James just shit in his pants Was he like this Pretty cool to go to Madison Square Garden And go right to the back Yeah I mean literally they came out

And got us It wasn't like You know And then we went into his dressing room Then Nate said Was he in his hyperic chamber I mean Nate With a cross on it

Yeah he goes Sorry I was just doing my medicate Comes out And people just put a row Bob on him. I'm always Dan. My very special guest, Jesus Christ, it's really Jesus. Oh, shit, he got Jesus. It's pretty crazy when your dad

is God. I'm not going to cuss, because I know Nate doesn't like it. What am I the devil? All right, anyways, we had a lot of fun. I was known to hang out of Christ. There I was rising from the dead. He goes, we talk about White, keep it going for Julian. Speaking about White Knuckle and Prostitutes,

I miss Mary Mac. So James was thrilled. He was thrilled. Yeah, so cool. Did he get merch? Uh, no, we didn't ask for any merch. Come on, dude. You didn't get him a fucking hoodie?

Gotta get him a Nate hoodie. I got Max a Shane hoodie. He fucking lost his mind. Yeah, dude. If my son lost his mind over another man's merch, I disown him and I'd fucking. What are you, Sam? You live by Bushito Code? He's his fucking, it's his goddamn godfather.

Breathe, breathe. Just get him. That's cool. He's like, wear his shirt and be like, I know someone. I know so. He's fine. He has the memory of hanging out back stage. Max, Shane talked to him, took the phone.

hey man you know what he was talking about football and all that's gay he's on the old line yeah fucking just like then the next night max goes uh hey can you please put Shane on he was with his girlfriend and he and I and I it's Shane's sex girlfriend yeah oh my god Max how you do and he goes hey why your girl here hey why your girl here just kissing yo why am I about to get top with your hoodie on dude she's about to suck me off wearing your merch why's my might get a southern wigger I don't know because it would be awesome Max, watch this clip. Become that.

Become a wigger. Your dad, it'll kill your dad. It'll kill your father. Faster than the weight ever would have. Oh, dude, if my kid was a wigger, I'd fucking. He comes in and he's like, oh, hell no, dad. Hey, the only thing he rags about your podcast is you don't drop on time. God damn it, he's really roasting.

Yeah. So, Nate, you guys saw Nate? Were there other big celebrities there that James was, like, blown away by? Like, Fallon's big. No, he doesn't. Fallon, he must have flipped out about family. No, he doesn't care. Fallon's a nice guy.

I've got a picture of Fallon holding Max as a bit. No, James said to me when Fallon was on stage, she's like, Dad, why is this guy more famous than you? You're funnier than him. Oh, hell yeah. Thank you. That fits got to feel good. Feels great.

And I was like, I got to go perform for 103 people at Brokridge tonight. Funny you say that. I'm going to need that energy in Times Square when I have you handed out tickets. So keep this same energy outside. I need you to pass these out. 103 is not bad. At Broker. It's a small club.

Sold out. Yeah. There's a great club. Brokerage is a great. I just did that. It's fun as hell. Yeah, I've never done brokerage. I've always done governors.

Broker is my favorite room. It's my favorite room. It's fucking great. Different type of people. Paco opened up and then also Scott Chapman. It was such a funny moment. Because, you know, the owner, James, he's like a fucking real deal like mobster Guido. He's the man.

He talks to you with playing his pinky ring. He goes, how'd you get out of? He wears a full suit. He, uh, he, I was there, Max came up at the end and, like, close it out and just say, good night with me. That's fun. And James was like, is that your first time on stage? Yeah.

Write him a check. Give him, I want to pay him right now. That's fun. And he goes, give me 200. And he gave Max 200. Yeah, I was your first, that was your first gig. Bobby's like, yoink. Yeah, he goes, well, commission.

I was annoyed. $100 more than I got. But it was so funny, there was like, uh, what was the energy backstage like, like? Quiet, Nate's electric. Well, I don't know, it's, they were, they were, they were, Nate makes them bring in an 85-inch television so we could watch golf backstage. I swear to God. The Ryder Cup was going on. Yeah, yeah.

That's what was the, yeah. Was there a lot of praying? Any praying? Did you see any bibles getting passed out? But no, I mean, James. We had to pray on Torgasm. I assume you have to pray. That's crazy.

I told you that before. I don't remember. Dean made you pray? Well, we always like, hey, man, let's have a good show. They prayed for Bobby. They were like, let's hope he makes it through. No, I was actually in shape in that time. We were hot.

Yeah. Oh, Bobby. Yeah, man. I missed those jeans. Yeah, I mean, but that is cool for James to go backstage at, Again, Madison Square Garden. You see Nate. Love it.

I want to play with, he's playing with that, so I want to play with this. Yeah. But, yeah, it was incredible. I mean, I'm so proud, like, like, legitimately, like, fucking watching him blow up the way he's blown up. He's, like, telling me about his plans for his amusement park. It's fun. It's crazy. I told him to buy a baseball team.

I said, skip all this childish shit. Yeah. Buy a Major League baseball team. That'd be fun. That's probably, that's probably, you can't afford a major league baseball team. What's that? Can't afford a major league baseball team. I know.

But he could buy a percentage. He could buy, like, a... He definitely could buy a good percentage of it. He could buy, like, a lingerie football team. That'd be sick, he goes, y'all into bras and football. That'd be sick. He makes them all wear full, like, full evening gowns. Burkas. You bring in the Middle East to bikini football?

You can't wear lingerie anymore on this team. I don't want to say it. What was his plans? Do you tell you about the coasters he's going to open? He's talking about doing two different parks. Two now. Yeah. East Coast, West Coast?

I don't know how much he wants to be Is he going to open Paris, Naitland? Maybe. Tokyo, Naitland? You're not allowed to speak French here. He goes, only English. They go, you know, Mr. Barquettez, it makes no sense. The people of France would like to speak the Francophone.

You can't say baguette. It sounds too much like faget. Say bread. You got to say bread. You only can serve wonder bread and no croissants. Life of bread. He wasn't invited to the Saudi thing, right? I think he goes on his own

He goes on his own Oh he does Yeah the sultan is like I bring you in for your own thing No blacks Did you see Greg Proops this tweet He said the best The best take

What? Not a take joke He said How do you say the festival Riyadh I just got back from the Riyadh Festival Boy of my arms chopped off

That's great That's great That's a good joke You see Crackamiko's rap Oh yeah I love it I think everyone Tonight on Skanks

Everyone in comedy saw that That was like the alert went around where they're like. Well, some people are like, he's like, why he's going to attack Burrs, black wife. It's like, it's just a funny blind. Like, Crackermaker's not, he's the least racist person. He's a fucking wigger. He just grew up around black people. And I know him really well.

Like, he doesn't give shit at all. That's just the funny thing to kind of make fun of. Yeah. So I think some people got like annoyed with that. He also had one of the funniest tweets I've ever seen. It was like a couple tweets ago. It's a visual joke. Can you pull up Crack's thing?

Crack Mika rules. With the skin colors. It's like one of the best tweets I've ever seen. Hold that. Pull up the crack tweak It's a visual joke You gotta see it It's, I don't want to give it

He is a hook out of the backstage At Skank Fest and he's the sweetest And he is performing the show I'm glad that he like sort of doing shit Just outside of comedy Yeah Like doing like other like he's see he roasted fucking Portnoy and he roasted fucking

Trumps and like now he's like He's sort of expanding what he does to like Which is it goes viral dude It's fucking his one His portnoid disc was like super viral Did you see that? No No I didn't do that way

You should play the portanoid disc Well, we haven't even pulled up the fucking thing I asked for. They're retorted in the booth. Who's pulling the stuff up? Paco, he's logging into Twitter. Wow. Here we go. All right, do the one with the skin colors.

It's very funny. I'm telling you, this guy's funny. Imagine he toured with fun. Just go to his tweets. That's Instagram. Just go to posts. What is happening with our team? Go down.

I'm sorry. It looked like Instagram. It was a crazy, like, grid. They do that in Twitter now? Hold on. Keep scrolling. Because he probably retweeted all the people tweeting this thing. Keep going. Keep going. You're going to see it. Don't worry.

The bars about Pete Davidson just fucking rule. It's got to. Pete's got to have heard it, right? Of course. They all heard it. Is that what it's called bars? Yeah, bars. There it is. Let's see. What is it say? Do you agree with these rankings?

That's very funny. I mean, that's like one of the funniest. of all time. Very funny. Tell people what it is who are listening. Oh. It's a picture of all arms.

It's like a white arm and then like it gets progressively darker in skin tone but it says it's one, two, three, four, five, six. It's six arms going from white to black. And it says which is your... Which is your skin tone? Crackermico quote tweeted it and said, do you agree with these rankings?

Yeah. And six is the darkest. One is the light. Six is very... I mean, it's very funny when you really break it down that way, guys. Yeah. Well, Bobby wanted it for the listeners inside. We all laughed at something that people are listening to.

Yeah. Well, most people are watching. Guys, this sounds like we need to take a break. Well, people listen. Nope. Yeah. This sounds like we need to take a break for reeds. I, a read.

A plugs. Plug it up. Plug it in. Let me begin. That was good. I can't go ahead. The wind about it on me. Oh, no, I thought you were going to go ahead.

The fuck your little back up. Come on put the crack up. Come up. Come on throw your hands up. My website? Yeah, it's... I can't be reading. Websites down.

Lewisofskanks.com? What the fuck is going on? Uh-huh. Is it really down? No, impossible. Giants fired Bob Melvin. Whoa. That's go.

No, it's here. All right. Come see me live, guys. This is coming out Wednesday? You better believe it. Next Wednesday. Okay. Come see me live on the road.

I will be in Kenosha, Wisconsin, October 10th, and 11th. Springfield, Missouri, October 17th, and 18th. Chandler, Arizona. October 24th and 25th, and then a bunch of other stuff. We have some live story wars happening. New York Comedy Festival at the Gramacy Theater. Oh, fuck yeah.

Yeah, and then we have... That'll be awesome, man. Do you have that booked already? Not yet. You're booking special guests? Maybe. I'm in town. I would love you to do it.

It's a Wednesday. Oh, hell yeah. Come on, bro. Yeah, hell yeah. Just let me know the date and I'll follow. And then we're also doing the day before Thanksgiving and Philly. We're doing two story wars and helium, which is great. Shout out, Helium, Philly.

Louis of Skanks.com. That's my website. Grab tickets there. buy my book on pre-order right now. Knives and Spoons on Amazon. The audio book I'm recording in the next week or so. So there's going to be audio as well and audible as well. That Skankfest thing will be fun.

It'll be a lot of fun. There's Sunday and Friday passes for Skank Fest. Yeah, I'm going to be there Sunday. We want to come on Sunday and see Dan Soder and see the Regs live. We'll be doing our show on Sunday. Lots of fights happening at Skangfest as well, which is a lot of fun. I told Christine that I want to do the Royal Rumble commentator if it's on time. Oh, commentator.

I thought you wanted to jump out. No, I got too big of a target. You pussy. Fuck you. Check out all my other pods. Legion of Skanks, Story Wars, and my solo podcast, just for subscribers to my free email list,

Lewisofskanks.com. Go there, and thank you guys for being supportive. You guys are great fans, and I'm going to cry. I'm thinking about a lot of Chuck. Bobby. Punchup. Live slash Robert Kelly

for all my dates, comedy and Carlson's coming up. I got Vassanis, and then I go to side splitters where Lewis shot is special. I'm all over the place, and I got the Boston Comics come home. that Joe was supposed to do,

but then he fucking canceled it. To do stress factory. Well, whatever. November 8th. Check that. I literally fucking pulled all the strings I could, got him in, and he fucking said no.

Anyways. Skank Fest, of course. I'm working. At Stress Factory. You guys are going to kiss. Anyways. And then comedy characters. Go to punchup.

com. Live slash Robert Kelly for all my stuff. And go to YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly comedy. My special's up there. go check it out, and that's all I got. Joseph. Hi, I will be a gay for money. I like it.

Oh, you pulled it up already. I'm in Irvine, California. Oh, that's already passed. I am in Dallas, Texas. Dallas, deck. At the improv, October 23rd to the 25th. I'm at the Stress Factory, New Brunswick, November 7th through the 8th. And, oh, the improv and D.C., one of the greatest rooms of all time.

November 20th through the 22nd and Lexington I think I said Louisville I get them confused Lexington Kentucky December 4th through the 6th and Tom Dustin Portrait of a comedian is available on Punch Up right now and my latest special that I stopped plugging because I'm an idiot small ball is on YouTube watch it live it love it please I am currently on the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour

I'm coming to Knoxville Tennessee October 9th the 10th I'll be in Atlanta Georgia and the 11th, Louisville, Kentucky. Louisville, please buy tickets. I understand there's a lot going on that week. It'd be real cool if you came and saw me. And then I will be in Providence, Rhode Island, October 24th, and Nashville, Tennessee, October 25th.

DanSoter.com for full dates. Buy the tickets from DanSota.com. Don't go to Google. Don't go to Google. Don't try to fuck you. And listen to Soder, the podcast. Also, you can watch the movie, watch along. It's at PunchUp.L.L. We did one with Nick Mullen, one with Katie Nolan,

and one with Brennan Sagalup. And yeah, that's it. All right, let's go back to the show. Guys, butt fucking or ass shitting? I don't know. What? Do you like butt fucking? No, not really.

Never really was a fan. I like it if a girl likes it, and if she likes it, I'll never love it. It's hot. I'm hot. Turn the AC on for a little bit. Do you love that? She goes, I do. Well, guess what?

There's the door. I'll do it, but I'm never going to fall in love with you. I can never treat you like a human. That is true. You stick you dig in a girl's butt. You can't marry her. What do you think if she lights up? If she goes like,

I think that's even more. That's even more reason. The butt plug that she brought to hook up was, it was the size of my fist. Really? I was like, that's crazy. She goes,

you got to get this in me, just to get me started. I don't know if I can afford it. I can't. Would you ever let a girl, um, peg you? No.

I left there really in a finger in my butt lately, and I got to be honest with you. I kind of like it. Did you get kind of like, yeah, I got into it. Yeah. I like,

the one time it's ever happened to have been like, I'm not a fan. Yeah, but what finger and how far up? I mean, it depends how small the girl is. If it's a guy, it's like pinky. Yeah. If it's a guy's a thumb and then you can wear me around. If it's a tiny girl, three fingers.

Whole hand. Rodman has that great joke. He's like, I got peg because I like to finger my ass. And it turns out a finger in the ass is the perfect size to be in your ass. Well, I would never finger my own ass. That's fucking gay as shit. But a hot girl snooking your dick and licking your balls while she fingers your ass. You made it sound like he fingers his own ass.

I want to be clear. It's a joke. Girl fingers his ass. We got it. Oh, okay. I think Lewis. Well, I told my buddy's bit, and you went right into like, whoa, I wouldn't finger my own ass. Nobody said anything about your buddy.

I was just going to let it. I saw excited you got about it and I just wanted to let it go. I was like, let it fucking rip, dude. So how does she do it? How do you know how she perfectly? Yeah, you did that way perfect. I mean, I'm assuming it's the middle finger. I can't see.

How do you know she's doing that? By the way, nothing makes you feel more childish than the first time it happens. You go, don't you do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. And they go, what? Yeah. And then by the time you get in your 30s, you go, I try it. I would love to tell you that I hate it. No, I say take my temperature, baby. You go, that's what are you? I want to leave it in there.

You like it and you like a finger in your butt? I mean, I haven't had a finger in my butt since the 80s, but when I had it, I loved it. It was great. You did every two times. Well, there's some girls that they have a sharp nail, like that's a problem. But if they can fuck, if they know how to fucking. The second time the girl did it, she squirled too hard for the butthole. And I was like, what do you do it?

She's like, trying to get in there. And I was like, hey, hey, hey, hey. I have girls that have licked my asshole. And you're like, here, you're a fucking savage. Go sit outside next to my trash. What I do now when I get my dick sucked is I lean my legs back and I hold behind my knees. What? You present?

That's not presenting. That's gay. He goes, hey, so since we're here, if you're going to have an iced tea, why not a normal Palmer? Holy shit. Why not you look a little bottle? Get a little tart. Yeah.

You like you like in your. asshole, eaten. Shut up. Back in the 90s? I would never do it now to anybody. That would be terrible. Did you ever get, didn't you? But back in the day, it was my thing. Didn't you get your butt ate where your, like, your face was against the wall? Lying on all, being on all for us, you have to,

look, you can only do it with your legs in the air. You can't be on all fours. You have to be like an old year. You have to be like an old sheriff. You can't give you back to the door. That's what you're wrong. That's where you're wrong. Dude, I wouldn't trust it. I used to, I arched my back. Oh.

Oh, fuck. You're pushing into it? I gave her a cum spot. Yeah, I'm ashamed to say it, but luckily we're just the four of us talking right now. This isn't going anywhere. This is going out live. I thought we do a break after the... No, there's no break.

Oh, my God. Don't we do a decompression break? Oh, no. Oh, I'm more coffee. You don't feel weird holding your legs back? No. Do you ever just get in between and spread it open a little bit? No. Do you try to nudger towards, or do you just... I just, I kind of just roll back

until my assholes in the air. I'm like, come on, you know what? She goes, she's looking, but is she listening to the, are you giving her asshole radar or it's like, oh, oh, oh, God, oh, God. Boom, right there, right there. She goes, oh, we got some big coming up.

He goes, boom. Oh, yeah, what is it? Bong, bong hole. It's going to be in my butt. Remember the old joke? Wangho. What do you mean wrong hole? Do you remember that?

No. Nope. Well, it's a golfer. I think. The golfer, I think, the golfer, professional golfer, he goes to Asia and he gets a hooker and the whole time she's yelling Wong Ho, Wong

Ho. And then he comes back to the States, he's playing in the tournament. And, you know, he hits the T-shot and it goes into the hole and he starts screaming, Wong-ho, Wong-ho! And the Japanese tourists goes, what's he mean, wrong hole? Oh, that's fine. Yeah. So when you get fingers in your house...

Finger. Have you just finger? You never... Not multiple fingers. Never... And I would never get pegged. That's crazy. That's wild to bring out equipment. However, if she didn't attach, if she attached a finger-like strap on. That's how I feel. I want like a pencil-sized strap on. No, you want a big one.

No, but I can't have a girl fucking fucking me in the ass, like fucking grab me in my neck. I would fight her. You could see the tip. You'd call me gay in my ear. The second she grabbed my hair, I'd just be like, you just hear me like if I could reach back. Grabs Lewis by the back of the cops to the back of his neck. She goes, you're fucking fish-ups. You're fucking mine.

I'm under your control. Yeah, you just. can't have a girl have that much power. Dude, if you heard the slapping of thighs. You can't break up with that, girl. I'm getting clapped up, but, dude, moaning while there's something in your ass. Yeah, you can't, you gotta be silent. There's no moaning. You gotta grunt, you can

grunt. You're like, you're eating an overcooked steak. You got, uh, I'm chewing, and I'm getting my meat. You can be like, oh, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck me. Oh, my fucking got him in a fucking looted. You can't say fuck me? No. I yell fuck my pussy, and

wear my white's shoes. What are you talking about? I'd like getting pegged if it was like a really realistic dick and she had like small tits and facial hair. You want to get fucked by the guy. I like what you're saying there.

If she could actually shoot cum. It feels like a cookie day. It feels like a chocolate chip. I would say that would be fun. Look, if there was a strap on that you had like a little squeeze thing that shot movie movies. Movie juice. You're getting filled up. I would like to feel it up. Hey, can you pull out? Listen to me

drain. What if you feel at your throat? I've said this for years and I really am jealous. You're gay? I don't want to suck a guy to completion like I say sometimes. But I am jealous that we don't get that satisfaction of the

You want a firework finale. Squirt is piss. Not always. You want a girl to nut. You want a girl to be like because you never fully believe that. It's kind of Like, a man never fully knows if a kid is his. Yeah, they do tests. He fucked her, but the test could be wrong or whatever.

Marty doesn't make eye contact with Joe. His dad coming home and Joe goes, what was that? What was that last part? But you, and a man also never knows if a woman really came. So you want to come. I want coming in my mouth. Ladies, if you're listening to this, just say you're coming, you fucking assholes. Why don't you verbalize it?

I got a guess. Well, they got to go, well, sometimes they go, uh, and you're like, did they come, are they almost coming? Should I stop? Like, what are we doing?

Just say, oh, I came. Duh. Yeah, my, my girl does that. Physical signs. Like, what is it just Danny actually wanting to know? Yeah, he goes,

what does it look like? It's so funny. What does it actually look like? I would never want something to come out of vagina in my face. Oh, you don't like sport? Oh, I love sport.

I hate it. The soda? I find it all right. I'm a Mountain Dew guy. No, dude, I love... You like Squirt? The first time I had a girl squirt, I remember, I was this chick who sold comedy club tickets

for, like, a competing street team. And then, like, we, like, hate fucked each other. Oh, my God. Oh, that's hot. Staring each other on opposite. She goes, Caroline. She goes, Stan in New York. Caroline's so funny.

And yeah, dude, I fucking... I didn't know what Squirt was, and I was fingering her and eating her out, and then she started going, Pff! Yeah, she pissed in your face. And I thought it was piss. Now we found out that it's mostly pissed

But at the time I remember I was like oh she's just pissing in my fucking mouth She's going to sell those tickets Fatto And then I was like Piss in his face and he was but I said nothing I was like all right This girl's just loves pissing in my face I guess

And then I just kept on going You didn't even bring it up You go hey you got a leak down here But it's not yellow Here's the thing if piss is yellow Right when girls she's hydrated It's never yellow She might have drank a lot

Maybe she had nice hydrated piss Well, she was blackout. Where did she pee, though? In my face and on her mattress. No, but like in your bed, your... Her mattress. Her, okay, that's fine. I don't, I fucking, if you move.

Way game? The cleanup? Having a cleanup. Oh, my God. The mattress cover. Oh, fuck that. Yeah, I want a reverse Bukaki so bad. Would you just have women...

In my eyes. Ah! What? Yeah, they hold my fucking head like this, and then they're all just... Right in me. I had a girl one time. I was fucking her, and she came. She had an orgasm.

And when she came, she's shit, like a Hershey kiss size. You told this story in the pot. Did I? Yeah. Yeah, you picked it up and wrapped it in foil. That was my joke. What the hell's going on here? I said that on this pile.

Relax. All right, you know what? Delete the old episode. New bet. Oh, big shirts. Whoa, that's another land, we got it. We're going to redo bits. I think we should do it, like, who can eat the most chocolate chip cookies on camera, on Mike.

We have cookies right here, Joe. I know. She put their almonds in them. From fucking... The walnut. Joe and his five-year-old tastes, he can't have nuts in a cookie. Yeah.

But he wants women a nut in his mouth. It's gross. The irony. A good cookie. It's gross. What do you mean? It's dry. Not the cookies.

A girl pissing in your mouth is fucking gross. Ashley, I'm only kidding. I'm not going to get an email. She's going to be like, I work so wild. She goes, I wanted to piss in your mouth, but now I don't want to... Red Lily baking.com. Oh, they're good. Go support them.

You got to support the red lily. They're a wonderful company. The Red Lily. We've got to end late night. We didn't talk about that. What? Fucking the canceling and uncancelling of... He goes, he's gone.

Just kidding. He's here on Tuesday. He's a little shook about it. He's back better than ever. And he's a little sad about it. His ratings probably went up. Of course, like the biggest rating ever. Nothing, yeah.

It's only going to be a net positive for him in that show. I think it went back down, though. Yeah. I would imagine. Yeah, I'm fucking right wing Bobby over here. He can't just fucking let the man have it. No, I just, No, but they took them away to bring him back,

and then immediately everyone was like... They all came back. Everybody came back to the while, and then they stopped watching them again. That's what it is. Yeah. Nobody watches late night. No one watches late night.

Nobody does. It's done. It just is a thing that got evolved past. Yeah. You have YouTube. You have like kids watch streamers. They watch, like the big ones like Kaisanaat has like Lincoln Park on and they're like, that's fucking giant.

They watch fucking three, three-minute things. It's giant. Like, they don't care if someone goes on the Tonight Show to plug a movie. They care if he shows up at Kaisenot's stream. Yeah. If you see me in a black kid's living room, just showing up being like, hey, I'm on tour.

That's how you know I made it. Yeah. It's just a bunch of chats going by on the side. We're old. We're already fucking too old. We're done. We're cooked. Back it up.

Dan's freaking out. Just let him keep going. When you don't give Dan anything back, he'll just keep on. I go, guys, I'm going to get out of here. You know what? I'm quitting the business. I'm going to open a pizza shop.

It's just weird that he's very emotional, that guy. Kimmel? he cries gets fucking sad quick and i'm a i'm a sympathetic cryer like yeah i'm like you're crying you're watching at home crying he's like why's he doing this like there's not first amendment but he does care about the kids he goes he does i mean he's got to i know i might not agree with everything he says but he's making it die what about the wife though that fucking that uh that uh that uh righteous gemstone oh man wow big jay said something about it to me when i did legionous gang's then i watched and i was like oh he wasn't joking

Oh, dude. Fireworks and shit. It's a little weird, dude. Like, she hosted his podcast, like, the other day. And she's just, like, making jokes. And she's, you're like, aren't you sad? What is happening with you? I would hope that Katie would be doing a macho man impression on soda.

If I got got, dude, and she was up there going like, oh, yeah. And you go, it's just weird. My husband's dead, dig it? Yeah, she goes, I'm going to play with his dead toys. And he goes, weird, put the macho man down. I'm watching. Hey, stop it. Yeah, it was a very weird.

She was... It was odd. She was like, I'm gonna make this 10 times better than it was. Damn, you think you can do me better? I'd be mad at my wife

if she was like, I'm gonna do this better than you ago. Are you out of your fucking mind? It's also said she addressed her daughter in the thing. She's like, and you, honey, I'm gonna be there. I'm like, why are you talking to her

through us? Just talk to her. Yeah, it was a weird. Very strange. And her hugging Trump, that was a very delicious hug. Like, she held him. And him dancing during

The song was also America the Beautiful. It was crazy. We were talking about Nate earlier. He's so smart to not let everyone know he's a secret Republican. It's pretty obvious. But he's just like, he's just so not political. Publicly, he's apolitic. He has his own beliefs behind closed doors, and it's a fucking smartest way to do it.

A lot of people don't know he's Muslim. And I think that's pretty cool. He's what? I think it's pretty cool that he's Shiite. Laura, you're showing your face. He goes, hi, I don't want to do this. Nobody's fun. Most comics aren't left or right.

they're both. There's a lot of comics that are right work. I mean, like, both comics, what comic doesn't believe that a woman should get an abortion

if she won't. We need that. Especially early in our careers. Oh, we'll never make it. Bobby, what it is? I mean, waitresses I'd be stuck with? We're all dipshits. We're all people,

comics are all people that would have gotten fired if we had real jobs. Yes. Because they would have been like, you can't work here. You're bad at this. Not me, dude.

I would excel. No, you're the first out. You're the guy that makes me feel better. Here I go. At least I didn't get fired on the first time. He needs cookies. He needs his cookies. You don't have enough cookies.

He's the cookie monster. I have a two-year-old boy. Yeah. Who's a cookie monster? I've been up all night with him. They can't get enough. He's a daddy can make that. I can't make that joke.

He can't. Louis is like, leave him with a chick for four days at a time. It's easy. There it is. He's auditioning for the Lewis book reading. This is pretty good. It's pretty good.

I'm the only guy that doesn't smoke cigars. But honestly, the way that you make it sound, the way they send stuff, I'm way on board. This is why. Even if you don't smoke it, you know somebody who smokes it. These are great gifts for holiday season, for birthdays, Christmas, any type of holiday you got coming up with a man, an alpha.

Yeah, dude, a big dog? You got a big dog in your life? Buddy, I'll tell you right now. I found out about this company before they were a sponsor. My agent got me this for... I remember you talking about... By the way, before we even had the ad copy, you knew about the bovita bags, the kinds of cigars they were sending you?

The selection they have is just... unparallel. So go do it. Go get small-batch cigars. Right now. Free shipping on every order. Almost every order is delivered two to three days. Free Bavita packs, including with every purchase. And the most thorough packaging in the injuries, use code regs 10, discount code for 10% off and 5% rewards right now. So go there. Smallbatchcigar.com and go get those cigars.

Gentlemen, let's take a quick moment to thank my company, Body Brain Coffee. Love body brain The biggest dogs in the room You know what's up, dog I want to say shout out To the whole corporate office What's up Pam and Billing I want to say what's up to Mario

You know what I'm talking about The CEO here Bobby's the new C-OO Oh my God Joe's the new HOMO Hey That's hurtful He made me the CEO

Just so he could do the HMO I get to work the parking lot Two different voices Something about body brain You didn't mention What I drank some body brain took the best shit of my life.

It does clear calling a little bit. Perfect show. Is that in the description? No, I don't know if that's a selling point. Real ones, no. I'm saying perfect. Not sloppy, not crazy. It's beautiful shit.

Like you drank a bottle of water from Mexico City. Right out the tap. Do you guys want to get food poisoning? Welcome to Body Brain coffee. Do you want to pray to you whatever God you believe? No, it does not give you food poisoning. And honestly, it does make your shits nice and smooth and thick and delightful. But it really is a great company, great coffee.

If you guys are looking to naturally boost your testosterone and your mental energy and mental function, body brain coffee is a way to go. You just drink one cup in the morning. You don't need to have 10 cups of coffee a day. What? No, don't have 10, Bobby. What? Yeah, you're going to have the heart of a child.

Bobby drinks it, and now it's like that movie Limitless. He's just moving things around, but all he's doing is seeing his background, just touching the air. Bobby, come inside. He goes, gone and solving crimes that haven't happened. A minority report. Shut up, darn, a minority reporting it. It's got natural neutropics and adaptogens that support testosterone and brain function. Tonganin Ali, look up the benefits of Tongan Ali.

Also, he was 16 and O in pride. Tongat, the Lionsmaid Ali. Fighting out of Bangkok, Thailand. Fighting out of Ashwaganda, Africa. who, who, who, who. No, really that's got to you, fuck you, Joe, boo. Lion's man.

It's not like a monkey. Oh, yeah, yeah. You want to do this. That's what it was. If you don't give me a home run, I say, fuck you, Joe boo. It's got Ashma Konda, Lionsman.

There's way more of a monkey than what he did. Healthy anineine, all backed into naturally delicious Colombian freeze-ride coffee. You bring it with you on the go, cold, you can do it hot,

you can put in a protein shake, however you want to do it. Just go to bodybrinkoffy.com right now. Use the promo code Regs 25. R-E-G-Z-25. You're going to get 25% off your order today. Ships right to your door.

Buy a couple bags. You guys are going to love it. Great. It's also on Amazon. If you want to buy it on Amazon. I made ice cream with it. That's actually a great idea. That's a great idea.

I didn't do that. I just thought of it right now. But you can do that probably. Yeah, so take the credit for the idea. Don't ruin it by making it. Well, you guys got all excited. Go, we did that. Can we have some?

Bobby's the only person drinking body drink body drink body cream. That's gaining weight. You guys can I turn it into ice cream? It's body brain donuts. He goes, it's coffee. Can it be ice cream? All right. All right, where were we?

James went on a date, sort of. What? Where at? They went out to two of it. Nate Barghatsy. He goes, do you want to meet someone? He took them up. It was a group.

It was a group. But it was like the girl, like seven of them. Seven women? He's getting reverse Bukaki. Joe's over here upset. No, he went. He likes a girl. She likes him back.

Eighth grader. He's in seventh grade. Wait, really? Yeah. He snagged an older. a bitch? Dude, seventh to eighth grade What are you, hip hop artists? Come on. Joe, I don't like what you're doing. She's a fully grown woman.

James, let's just say I wanted to meet her mom when I met her. Max took a girl on a day. He took her fishing Saturday. Damn. Yeah, took her fish. That's what he told you that he didn't call on his fingers. We went, we were fishing. And she said, Mom, we're out there catching trout. The date said, she's never had a Saturday. She goes, Saturday. Yeah.

I liked it. You're back, baby. He's good. Yeah, it was good. It's sad or day. It's weird, though, because, like, he's... No, you're killing it. You're not good, dude.

We get Joe a fucking cookie. Damn. Get him a cookie. Listen, I don't know why we went political out of nowhere, but I... We're back. Joe's all right. Did I say, did James tell you? Because James is such a good-looking dude, right?

Yeah. Charismatic, right? What do you mean? He's just a... James. James. So then, Paco, what? Just go get cookies. Yes, he wants to say.

He's kidding. What are you going to rip her up the show? We said, go get cookies. What does that mean? He's having a fucking diabetic. He walks into the fucking room. Not for me. Do you guys really want me to bring up that clip?

Back there. Hey, do you guys really want me to play that clip? He's the worst producer ever. I know you guys brought up that clip. Hey, you don't want sound on the slip. You guys want your headphones to work? Hey, I'm just got to grab a little FaceTime real quick on the YouTube. Hey, do you guys want me to put this out?

so Max Max is talking to this girl sure oh and FaceTime so then so then so then Max this is brutal shows fucking James don't you which look it I was I was on the road with Tommy Pope

this weekend Tommy comes out in shorts and a tank top Don's like who's that I go you I won't let you see Tom don't worry about him because that's what you want that's what you want it that's what you married

Hot or older Italian man that's exactly that's exactly what I was 20 years ago when you were never you saw me Pope I think I would run 98 Bobby against Tommy Pope Bobby's not even as good looking as the Pope That was good That was good

That was alright I was massage it No no no no no no no no That was forced I forgive you All he had All he had was the Pope So Max showed

He said hey is my friend James And the girl wound up like him James Yeah she's like oh he's cute Yeah And Max was like What the fuck? I go dude bitch Don't do that

I go bitch is a bad But I will say James shut it down. He was like, I told him, I was like, James, bro, before a host. That's the one lesson you got to learn. James is like, what's wrong with you? He's like, what's wrong with you? Why would you like, why would you even say that to him when you know he likes you? And she, like, felt bad.

Yeah. Shout out James. Yeah, James is rock. Jimbo! Hey, good friends. Max was still crushed, though. Max was not happy. I go, look.

By the way, brother. James is exotic. He's very exotic. Yeah. One of my best, I lived with one of my best friends. Like, the year after college, he moved down to Arizona. And there was this girl, my friend's girlfriend had a co-worker that was like smoking hot, huge tits. And I was like, they came over to hang out.

And I was like, really soda and ended up, you know, and she was like, who's that, what does that sound like? I was like, blah, boom, boom, blah, blah, blah. And then she just goes, who's the quiet hot guy? I'm going to go with him. And you're like, I was, my best friend goes. I want to see James's hot body now? Yeah, you show me that. Yeah, you shredded to all of us.

It's fucking shredded, dude. That's, that was that, that's me. That's me? I was kidding. It's fucking ripped, dude. Dude, that is. Yeah, he's shredded. Max shouldn't have a never showed him.

FaceTime. Don't do that. No. James had all fucking just moppy hair. He was tired. He was like, oh, hey. He goes, sorry. He goes, sorry.

He goes, my problem is, my body's too muscular. Look, he looked like Brendan Lee from the crow. Yeah, he's like, hey, I was just writing poems. Yeah. No, he's fine. He's, dude, he's such a good kid. But he took her on a date. Was he nervous?

Well, they went out. They went out as a group. They held hands, apparently. Let me tell you right now. Did he kissed? Is he kissed yet? No, no kiss. not yet he hasn't kissed

I mean I don't actually know but I don't think so what are you gonna say Joe I told him when he finally does it I was like it was like lots of tongue lots of biting no no biting no biting no biting no I gotta text James hey you're not kissing right now are you

little tongue mostly lip mostly lip mostly yes great go to his uncle right our first kiss story Uncle Bobby's kissing advice Bobby who was your first kiss Uncle Bobby's kissing corner what was it like Well, he was

I Chuck another up for old Bobbo He doesn't need a cookie He's got that sugary sweet Coming out of his mouth It might have been a dude Listen How old are you?

Oh man I was three dude Dude I was six I was smacked up on Harold It sucked up I was four years old I woke up in Dorchester I'm trying to remember

And it was this blonde girl that used to watch. She was the prettiest girl in parochial school. Okay. And, uh, roguys school? She used to walkie school. Parogi school. Because I'm going to tell you right now. Because we have 100% graduation rate and they all become morbidly obese.

Catholic school. Teaching them something about meat pockets. It stays with it. She used to walk by my house every day. It's like a Polish hot pocket, dude. You can put whatever you want in there, dude. Give me that penny. I'll put it in the parogi.

I had a plastic caveman bat and I used to hit it. her with it. What? How old are you? I don't know. I was just liked her. And I didn't know what to say, so I would just hit her. And then somebody explained to me. Somebody, my, I think was my uncle explained to me. He goes, hey, dude, you probably like her, whatever. As you keep doing, stop doing that and just talk to her. So she came by one day and we started talking. And then her and her friend took, we went up the street and we did show and tell. How old are you? First grade? First, that's crazy. That's crazy. That's a crazy. That's a crazy. That's a six, literally six years ago. It was the 70s

though. That doesn't. It was different time. During those days, they get married at 14. Yeah, there was a different time. My expectancy was 32. It could be a war at any moment. Yeah, we need people on the farm. I need you to work at a factory for 15 years before you're 20. Obviously, we got a gas crisis going out. There's

through the roof. So we went up to the bushes up the street and it was like you could crawl into them and be inside of them. I know exactly. George and Lara Bush's. And we went in there and they made me She, she kissed me. Joe, you're taking big swings. He needs a cookie, dude.

We are fucking cookies. This is, this became a triage. We're like trying to stop him from bleeding out. I'm like, all of us have Joe's blood all of us. And we're going like, where the fuck is the goddamn bandages? All right, here we go, here we go. She took me in the bush. It sucked because we kissed, but we did a,

like a little, like that. And she goes, show me your bum. So I pulled my, I don't know why. Pull my bum out. And I was like, oh, show me yours. And then they laughed and left me in the bush. Damn. And that was it.

But when was your first French kiss? Yeah, French kiss is what we're talking about. French kiss would be. I went to Paris when I was nine. I'm fighting in the war. I meet a medic. French kiss. Like making out.

What about you, Lou? I remember mine. I remember mine. I'll tell you right now, is that, is that, thanks for asking me what you think my, what mine was. and then being like, going right into yours. Yeah, he doesn't care. That was crazy.

That's all right. I know. That's why that type of ruthless attitude, that's why Dan has a theater tour, and we're doing clubs. What? It has no, nothing to do with it.

It's 100% his jokes. He's funnier than all three of us. It was a bit, guys. Take us back to when you. I got butt-fucked. I had to present my asshole for the whole crew. Take us back to when you got absolutely butt-off. I went to third base, you know, when you show your butt.

I don't think that counts. How old are you? Why would they want to see my butt? That's a weird movie. They were six. They were children. They didn't have any attention. No rhyme or reason.

Well, I thought the belly button was the pussy when I was in first grade. You know what? My first pussy, I drew on it. I drew a Sharpie. I drew a face on it. On a pussy? It looked like a smile. I drew a little face on it.

It was a Chinese person. And then she got in trouble because I see what you're doing now. It was Sharpie and it didn't come off. And her mother had that looks like a smile. She couldn't get it off. She panicked. and her mom saw it and told her brother

and her brother beat the shit out of me. Jesus. For drawn on Puss? Yeah, I drew a little face on it. Oh my gosh. That's fun. Yeah, that was stupid.

It looks like a Homer Simpson now. It does, man. Don't! Someone looked like a hamburger. What are you little? All right. So, Lou, what do you got? My first kiss was in the seventh grade

Janine McIntyre. Shout out, Janine. Redheaded gal with braces. Nobody wanted to kiss her. No shit. Nobody wanted to kiss her. Nobody wanted it. She was discad.

No, she was cute. She was a ginger. But she was like one of those ones where you go, this is an investment. It was my, no, like, when she ate lunch or fucking gums bled?

Did she have the rubber bands on? Like, she'd snap your fucking tongue, like a gator. Yeah, she always had chap lips. But we were like, you know, she was my girlfriend technically, but we never really talked. So, like, we just met in a field. Yes.

And then we, like, walk toward each other and just fucking, it's crazy how your first, your first, huh? Your first French kiss is like, almost like your first fight. Yeah. Where you go, this is all, you go, you meet after school.

Yeah, it is. It's just, mine happened in a park. It was awkward as fuck. I was, like holding her hand and she was about to leave with her friend and it was in eighth grade. Yeah. It was in between 7th and 8th grade in the summer. It was me and Mike McDaniel.

We went and met. That's your first kiss? Yeah, I kissed the Miami head coach. I went, no, take that to the players. No, but it was my girlfriend, Trisha. Shout out Trisha Soto. You're eating the same name of your mom. Trisha Soder? Yeah, it was very close. It was very funny. Trisha Soto? But my mom was never soda.

My mom was Soder when I was like. That's insane, dude. I know. It's very close. You should speak to your therapist about this whole thing. Yeah, my first kiss was Debra Least. Give me a cookie. Come on. He's back, baby. This is all residual cookie energy.

He has to go deep into the reserves. He's going to die. He's on life support. But we went, she was like leaving with her friend, and it really was like a first fight. We go, I'm just going to do it right now. And I went, hey, and then you just lock in, a lot of tongue. A lot of time.

Swirling. Didn't know what happened. Got the biggest boner I've ever had in my life. Like that first contact, you're like, oh, my God. We're like, I had to stand there for a while and then we walked away. And I remember the dumbest thing. I go, did I just get some? And Mike went, no.

Like that. For an eighth grade, you got some. But I went like, I thought, because all my friends at that time were like grabbing titty, fingering girls. It was eighth grade. And I, like, finally got a friend, or seventh, into eighth grade. There was people fingering at this point. Sixth grade, my, the first person I heard about getting fingered was in sixth grade. Seventh grade for me.

Shout out Megan Peltz. Shout out, Ash. I don't. And Megan Peltz was. You guys are giving full names. Yeah. I was a fucking animals are going to fucking marry these people.

So you got fingered in sixth grade, you slut. Who are you? She goes, why you suck your face with Dan in the park? Somebody with a Shane profile picture? She goes,

why is Shane Gillis upsetting me? Joe, what was your first tongue kiss? Sarah's dad gave her away. And then Bobby finished the ceremony and then we could. Shut up. What was the first?

No, it was my, I mean, I was a senior in high school at my senior girl phone. Really? Yeah. Why would that shock you? Was your first kiss? No, it wasn't.

First French kiss. Stop it. Yeah, dude, look at him. Stop it. Well, he couldn't get his mouth open. Yeah, that's why. He was just jaw straight. That's when he got his mouth guard taken off.

Hey, big news. I can open it now. Yeah. You can put your tongue in there. It might break. I might shut on you. You guys don't understand how bad my parents are. What?

No guidance. No, he had an older sister. No, anything. She didn't French kiss you? No, but she had like, didn't she? Like, didn't you have friends around and weren't you like, didn't you ask her? Didn't you guys talk about? How hot would that be if like your friend's sister told you had a French, French kiss?

I'm telling you right now. That's a fucking fantasy. I made out with my friend's sister's friend because we were sophomores. They were seniors. Oh, you were hard more. And, uh, yeah, I wasn't soft. There was that tongue thing you just did. Um, but they were having a sleepover.

This girl, Andrew. So hot. This girl Andrea came down to the basement. We were playing fucking siphon filter. And then I was like making her laugh. No, it's a video game. Oh. And I was making her laugh.

And then we went up the stairs and she fucking made out with me. Like, dude, you're a senior. How old was she? She was a senior. I was a sophomore. I'm boning up. Dude, I remember that.

And she played soccer. She was so hot. She kissed me and I was like, dude, I came back down. I was like, I just made out with Andrea. And he's like, what? And I was like, can I go up to your sister room? He's like, no.

I was like, I need more. I was immediately just, I was like downstairs. And then my dumb ass, I thought we were going to like be married. But she was like, no, that was just. It was just a one off. I was drunk at my friend's house, and you were just his brother's friend. She's fucking drinking a martini.

Give me a boy. They were drinking like Zimas. They were like kind of drunk, and they were like, dude, I was pulling trains on a girl. Jesus, car. I was fucking bus when I was in seventh grade. Like, fuck, yeah, that's the fucking. So you were a senior?

Yeah, I got no, I got no. Who was the girl? I didn't know. My high school girlfriend. And did you do it like, I mean, when you're 17, was it like after a date? Lewis and I are doing it in a park just to rip the band-aid. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. It was in her apartment. That's the best way to describe it. Like, we were, like, the same rules as the fight. All right, I'm going to meet you 3.30. You hear a rumor that they want to. Yep. And you go.

All right, let's go. Pex Pond, 3-30, bitch. Let's go. I'll see you at Alicia Park. I'm going to suck your face, lady. Yeah, I blew it. I don't know. I just, I mean, it was exciting.

Was it a good kiss? Yeah, it was my girlfriend. So you just made out. Yeah, we made out for like. Did that go to sex? Did you take that all the way to say? Did you lose your virginity to her? I did, yeah.

Same girl, you guys, you lost your friends. That's great. That's crazy. I think that's wholesome. Thanks, guys. Lewis, Bobby and I all had to have sex with ladies that were pros to lose it. Yeah. I had sex with an older woman in a bush.

Yeah. She played with my ding ding, ding. I hate it. I hate the memory. The memory's terrible. It was second grade. Yeah, no, I'm not being rude. I'm just putting more money on my meter.

That's good that you have that. Yeah. Because sex for me now has always been twisted and fucked up. Exactly. And now, like, you don't have that. You have regular sex. I completely agree with you. I'm jealous of that.

It was intimate. He knew the girl. He trusted her. He liked it. I had sex with a girl on spring break in Cancun. Yeah. I never even saw her. That's when you launched in Virginia?

Yeah, it was pretty sick. All right. I did it with... I fucked her and her parents were in the room next. It's always... Okay. No, it's... I would love to not have all this stupid stories.

Oh, my God. I would love just be able to make love and be connected. I don't have to... I don't have to look at my wife's pussy and go, it's not my sister. It's not my sister. Here we go. Fueling up. You guys get ready.

Look at these. What happened to insomnia? Those look good. You fucked me again. No, I can't happen, dude. I'm back on the diet. Me too. They're out of business?

I don't want to me either. I don't want to be there. It's closed. Oh, that's warm. This is beautiful. Oh, that's warm. It's a warm thing. It's a warm.

Yeah. Dan, you want to have my type of cookie. You want to hit that ac. You want to get a nibble. Nibble. Oh. Dan. Okay, I'll get it.

It's phenomenal. It's exactly what you want. Oh, my God. Exactly what you want a cookie. New York. Fans love when we do that. Shout out to Red Lily Baker. Shout out to the fans

that constantly have to stop to eat. And yet we keep doing it. Yeah. That's it. They came out with a company, a thin, it's called thin cookies. Oh. What a fucking genius.

That's why I love New York. Brilliant. We just make thin cookies. There's a store down the street where they just sell cookies. dough and there was like a line down the street just cookie dough that's disgusting you get sick off that cookie dough that was a hilarious alarm thing you're back no i think that's awesome dude i would love that's why i'm happy our sons are having natural progression real real childhoods it's like

you guys are he's growing up in the suburbs of jersey like james's gonna be like i remember going on a date in seventh grade he's not gonna i got fucked max isn't gonna be like i got fucked in a bush by He went to Homecoming at the other day with his girlfriend and his mom and they walked around. Good. You know what I mean? He's fueling up. Which is, it's like, I'm like, this is so good that he's not going to have all these stupid things to get over later in life. Yeah.

I'm always jealous of guys that, like, grew up and had sex with, like, they had a high school girlfriend in there. Like, we used to experiment. Mine was just like a girl that was like, now, I'll see you. I mean, I would have, I was a sexual deviant since I was a little kid. You know, my mom got me a porno magazine when I was very young. Yeah. And fucking, I was, like, watching porn at a very young age. That's pretty old.

But, like, I did have kind of, like, the vanilla, like, I made out in the seventh grade, lost my virginity when I was 16 to my girlfriend at the time. Like, yeah, it wasn't a goth chick. That's all. Were you goth? Shout out, Chris and Welsh. Yeah, were you got. A golf chick. Yeah, he was a golf chick.

He was a four. He still is. Hey! Yeah, boy. Very good. Oh, come on. That was fantastic. Special's coming out in October.

It's called chimp strength. Those cookies are fucking great. The cookie. Not on the mic. Not on the mic. Lewis and I are keeping our mouths. You chewed this episode the most directly into the mouth. I took a nibble of one cookie.

Don't get racist. You guys are having multiple cookies. I'm holding the mic away from my mic. I'm standing two feet from the mic. You chewed and talked to soda. I watched it and I was going to say. I'm like you have a gunky mouth right now. Do you see what happens when he gets cookies?

in him, he becomes a monster. Here he were, he was weak, he was feeble. He was missing. He's a cookie monster. Joe hates a hypocrite. Joe hates a hypocrite. But not as much as he loves cookies. He's just back. Those are the best cookies I've ever had.

Those are fucking phenomenal. Wow. What's the name of the cookie cupboard again? Thin cookie. It's called Ashley Baker. Red Lily Bakery. What a dick. So good.

You fucking asshole. Where's Red Lily? Where's lead leather? It's in Jersey. Oh, okay. So they're not even competing. So if you're in New Jersey, go there. Yeah, New York City.

Holy shit, you got into thin cookies. Run, don't walk. Yeah, dude, I lost my virginia to a goth chicken when I was 16. What music was playing? Pantera Cemetery Gates on repeat. That is so funny. I almost got, I was covered by a gay guy. My sister was hanging out with all these got goth.

What's that Rocky Howard picture show people? Yeah, sure, sure. She was a member of that crew. Yeah. friend vest site aliens yeah yeah and um there was this guy's house around the corner and uh she was over there my mother would go get your sister and i have to go over there and i went over there and she wasn't there but the guy was there in lingerie no yeah he was just like hey i'm like is lees here he said no no come on in she's coming back in a minute and he brought me to a room full of mattresses

and he goes we had a party last night and he goes lie down and i walked in like jumping like mattresses Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a roomful, this is awesome. I've always wanted to do this. Yeah. And then I kind of fell and he lied down next to me. And he's like, it's pretty fun, right? And I was like, I think I got to go.

Yeah. Just get those pants off. Why are you all stuffy? Yeah. It was very close to having this guy just suck my kid dick. Oh, my God. On a room full of mattresses. This doesn't sound like rape.

It sounds like he was trying to hit on you. Yeah. Sounds like you were kind of into it. Yeah. Well, I could lay around. Joe, we got four minutes left. You know, you don't need the cookie strength anymore. Whoa.

Fuel it up. Oh. he's going to go home and just rip for Marty's like dad came in I'm jacked up I can talk to my car You don't have any dirty stories Even when you were drinking

You didn't do disgusting You got herpes in a fucking playground Herpes ain't shit He's shit in a girl's shoes In a closet one He's kidding me He went from zero to hero Yeah I fucked like 300 pound woman

Who broke tile She blew me while she was pissing Next to a grandmother It was literally like So you're not So you're not the little quiet boy We thought you were I think I have, like, the craziest stories.

Yeah, he went from being like, Joe's going to be all right. Ward and herpes. At the same time. Yeah. Well, that's terrible. That's disgusting. Well, I think because all these women,

they thought I present as like a fucking dweeby dork, but I'm a fucking killer, man. So they would all fucking be like, well, you don't need a condom because you've never fucked before. And then I just... And then you go, that's perfect. I've had so few women, like, force a condom. so few women they suggest

once in a blue and you're like you're a pig back in the day when I would wear it because I was afraid of getting stuff that bums a girl out she goes you don't have to wear one you go I'm gonna wear one she goes I don't want you to do and you go it's well if a girl says I don't want you to wear one there's something wrong you just want a girl to say

you want her to be like you have to wear condom and then you be like you wear it and then you fuck like mediocrely for a little while you're like come on you really you want me to really start up the band yeah it's like when you're sucking a guy's dick You take the condom off halfway through. Yeah, there you go. Nothing?

Nice talking to you. I liked it. Thank you. They hear the fucking listen. I just look like a f*** when they don't hear it. I go, Bobby, this is different than when you're sucking off your boyfriends. I'm trying to talk dick and put. You just want a girl.

I laugh and I had a cookie, so I'm staying over here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your mic diction. You're welcome. Thank you for your dick. These things don't work. That's because they're too thin.

You're going to double them up. Oh, no. You can't eat them that way, though. Oh, boy. What a day. Well, there you go. What a day, boys. What a day?

What are you saying? It's not like a fucking dork. What a day? What a day? What a fucking dork? It's a podcast. What a day? What happened before this?

I trained this morning. Hard. I thought you got here. You took a train. Jason Ellis punched me in the face a bunch. Oh, nice. I will tell you right now, Jason Ellis punches very hard.

You're glad you're not fighting him, huh? You're glad you're not fighting? If I had to fight Jason Ellis, I would have to literally treat it like a full-time job for three months and get fucking. he hit you once and you're like, fuck this. It hurts. Like his jab, his jabs are like as hard as like fucking...

Are you wearing headgear? No. Dude, you gotta... We don't want to fucking take care of you later in life. Yeah, dude. We don't want you in a... But if I'm currently in a coma, I just think I'm on a podcast. Soder moved years ago.

Yeah, Bobby lives in the woods. He got fat again. You thought Nate's doing the burden? He's at the improv. He's barely pulling tickets. Joe has a regular mouth. Yeah. He's like, oh!

It was fun. I have a good topic for the next one. Oh, bring it up next one. If you could change one physical attribute about it. Why are you doing it right now? No, think about it. Think about it.

I don't want to think about it. I have too much shit to think about it. What do you have to think about it? Not my special, apparently. I know, because you don't fucking watch it. I thought about it or not. I watched it twice. Where's your notes?

I feel like my bit about directors not knowing their movies didn't get as much. That was a good bit. Got a lot of bit. It was great. Talking about it. We dedicated a half hour. Everyone was yelling and jumping about it. New bit where we were.

watch trailer. Oh, my God. You know, bitch. There's a rain in that one. I'm going to get it. I'm going to sell it. I'm going to, I'm going to package it. All right. There you go. Next week, I'm going to really bring the heat. Do we have a date to

remember? No, let's wrap this up and we'll get a date on the books. It's going to be trouble. Every other week, folks. Deep, deep trouble. We're back on a normal schedule. The regs. It's called the regs for a reason. The regulars. Right, Joe? Yeah, but we're going to have a, yeah. Why don't we just call the eel ear rags? That's fun.

A lot of people talk about the female version. The rags, of course. The rags. But someone, the people are talking. There's a chick comic who's pissed off about Blackface Baby on the Legion of Skanks said. Oh, really? She sent a message. Oh, I heard about that.

I heard you guys are changing, though. You guys are changing your ways a little bit. Well, we're not changing it. We hired a marketing consultant that's been helping the show. Just get a little more mainstream traction. Can we hire them, too? No, no cookies. No cookies

Oh, no cookie There it is Keep throwing voices But no cookies All right We'll see you guys Next time On the regs

Boy