Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Dan, Me and The Other Joe

Episode Date: April 2, 2012

Comedian Joe List sits down with Robert and Dan. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un duvena que de de mal, a Madrid. Hey, what's up? This is Robert Kelly and we're back with another episode of...

You know what, dude! You don't do it right. No, I don't, because it's your catchphrase. That's not my really my catchphrase. I'd say it's your catchphrase. It's actually an insult, Norton did. Dude, you know, dude, you got this, you got that, you got fucking foam, you got it fucking iPad. Ah, I got stuck.

Well, here it is, is I started doing this by myself on my iPhone, like on gigs, just not to kill myself. Yeah. And I just thought it was just me going, dude, you gotta fuck this fucking town, these fucking middleers man, they fucking feel middle, you gotta fucking learn. It was just me doing exactly what he said I was doing. I said dude, 900 fucking times, and it was just me bitching,

what telling you about the latest tech. But look at the empire it's grown into. Yeah, yeah. We have four microphones now. And we have a new guess, we have guests on. Yeah. I have guests I have regulars like you, fucking Dan Soda.

That is true. The fucking monster voice. Also known as the fucking, the heat. The corporate Dan. That's true. Also known as Monster Voice. Also known as the fucking the heat. The corporate Dan. That's what they call you in the business. The heat. Because you have so much fucking shit heat around you. And then yeah, corporate Dan. Yeah, corporate Dan. Yeah, corporate Dan. You really are a fucking man. I saw you. I saw it in full capacity with his corporate cape on and everything and's self-by-south west. Look at like a blowfish, those all puffed up.

Everybody loves Dan, did you know that? I did know that. I love him first. Why don't you introduce your friend that you brought? My very good friend and comedian, Joe List. Hey everybody. Who, I've actually, I've worked with you one time. It's Caroline's, yeah, yeah.

We worked together one time. And... I'm fired that night. Didn't you, bomb? Not, I don't think so. You did okay. No, no, no, I did amazing. I'm sure.

I'm sure. I think this is the tapes. This is the reason why I say that. And I don't say that to insult you or you make you feel like shit. But I think I heard about you before, I, somebody said, because I like to have my own guys,

work at Caroline's, when I worked at Caroline's, and then they said, oh, this guy Joe Lissth, and I was like, who the fuck is this kid? But then somebody said, oh, he's really funny, the polyliusism, he's from Boston, but I'm thinking Boston, I'm thinking from my error, you know, burr, patrice, me, dain, he's from the new error, which is, you know,

fucking alcoholics and joke writers. And, uh-huh. Well, that was the original error too. The original. You can skip one, yeah. Yeah, we skipped one. Well, no, the original, the original was, was it? No, was it?

There's still alcoholics, all those guys. But they would, no, this is what happened is that they were crazy, Lenny Clark and fucking Leroy, and all those guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they were fine. I'm not blah, blah, blah, all those guys. But they would know, this is what happened, is that they were crazy, Lenny Clark and fucking Leary and all those guys. Right, Jamie and all those guys. Yeah, can they find out? No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. But they actually did the drugs. My generation, we did all that,

but we just didn't do the drugs. The generation, they went back to the drugs and the alcohol and just settled down a little bit. Right. Yeah, that's pretty much it, yeah. Yeah, he, you're actually on the show. Like, a crush to Caroline's all weekend, I think was the point of the story.

I'm gonna burn you. Here's the thing. Like a crush to Caroline's all weekend, I think was the point in the story. Here's a joke. Well, it was, he had to crush, but you did good. Okay, if you're in the middle of Caroline's in a weekend, you have to crush, right? I think everyone crushes, right? Did I not crush? No. Now I'm getting self-conscious, but I get it nine years.

You didn't crush, but you didn't bomb. Let me tell you, you actually did really good. You were very funny. I mean, I, look, I didn't need you to fucking go up there and level the place to know that you're funny. I know a funny joke. I was perfect. It's not gonna carry it away.

I like that he's just giving the most like, just like the, I have the VHS's at home, I'll pull on that. I tell you, who was there before you, the reason why I was so flipped out about having him there is that I got a, was there before you. The reason why I was so flipped out about having him there is that I got the time before that, I got a call from somebody. This girl, she's you as a girl, she's hilarious, oh my God.

Sunt-hunt. It's physically she was too. She was your little chunky fucking brunette. But so I was like, all right, okay, I'll fucking do this, okay? You know, first of all, I just started headlining there myself, so I'm fucking nervous about doing well myself. Now all of a sudden, when you start headlining, you get us to be worried about other people's careers,

you know, like, which was weird to me. I didn't fucking, I didn't know what the fuck that was. So I was like, all right, I'm fucking worried about not bombing me. And now I gotta worry about this fucking chick. She came in, I was, I'm fucking worried about not bombing me. And now I got to worry about this fucking chick. She came in, I was, I mean, this girl is hilarious. She opens with Chelsea Handler on the road or all the theaters. I'm like, all right, whatever, come in.

First night fucking boo. Yeah, I took a hot one. Well, these people don't understand that all in A fans come. Yeah. And all in A fans, they're great, but they're also vicious. Well, they know funny. And if it's not funny, they're just gonna stare at you You know, no man. I'll say some shit. She I she comes back. She's fucking crying

In the dressing room And I'm like oh my god. I'm like there's no fucking crying in comedy. You can't you can't I'm not I'll give her a legal their own moment. I have to give her no crying in comedy It was bad dude because now I'm going up. I got a fucking talk to this broad right talk about a suicide I know I didn't cry are we can you didn't So there you go you cross your I didn't cry that would be great fucking Joe's She cried two nights in a row though. The next night she, she fucking took a hot one.

She took another hot one. And I went back to choose in the bathroom crying again. Oh, in the bathroom? In the bathroom at a Caroline's. That's the role of sad bathrooms. Which is my fucking bathroom. Go cry in the fucking regular bathroom. Yeah, there's an attendant there and everything.

Yeah, don't fucking cry. It's like, gosh. African ladies. Do you need a tissue? I don't, I thought you did well. I don't, you have very funny lady. You have to be a queen in my country. I don't think there's that African.

Yeah, they are. Are you fucking kidding me? Like it sounds like the attendant has a bone through her nose. No, they're, they're pretty African. Any Murphy's dad and coming to a rehearsal. That was James Rol Jones. Yeah, I know. That through it. No, they're pretty African. Anywhere if he's dad and coming to a rehearsal. That was James Rol Jones. Yeah, I know. That's how do you?

What a conti was in that movie. Just a racist conti. You will not marry to that wall. He was a real jerk in Star Wars, too. Not the same. Ah. Oh, man, too long. How disappointing in Star Wars

when they finally took off that fucking asshole's mask. How disappointing was that? I used to do that bit when's mask? How disappointing was it? I did that bit when I first started. What was it? There was a bit when James Earl Jones is the voice of Darth Vader, but then they take his mask off and it's not James Earl Jones. I thought it should have been.

That would have been the ultimate plot twist. The whole time it was just a fat black guy trying to sell a phone plan. It was one of the phone commercial. Luke, you can save 99 cents or whatever. He can't. I did that. Theolines that we can kill There's not a bad one a guy here. He was whipped up a guy tell us We

Listen man, I dropped the bit. It's not like an a Terrier sure it's not on your phone All right, do you want to have a rise in Jamesville Jones? Do you want to hear? All right. Inside. Yeah. Well, this motherfucker at the,

at the South by Southwest, where he did the podcast, with Gary, but wow, I've never, I mean does you came up together. Now he was ahead of me. I started 25 years before pan, but we met. He was the first friend I made in New York. Okay. Oh, York. By the way, Dan lived here for three years before he met me. So I don't know what was going on. I have not a likable guy. I've actually changed a lot. I have a and we bonded over alcohol. Yeah, we did. The old Boston, the comedy village is what we knew it as.

You obviously knew it as the Boston comedy. I knew it as the fucking where, that place wasn't there when I was there. It was just starting out, but we didn't play that place. What is it called? Comedy Village? Comedy Village. Oh, the Boston Comedy Club.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Boston Comedy Club. I don't even talk about back in Beent bean town where he was from what's that place you guys all playing in Boston all the studio the studio in Cambridge Yeah, we that shit that wasn't even there really it was there, but not really there when I was there Right, that's right. I was talking about the Boston comedy club turned into the comedy village Yeah, right, right, right, I was with the with what's his name the redhead again. Yeah, PJ landers And Joe would host the whole show, which was like a fucking five hour show.

Right, right. And I would go and hook me up with that gig. And I would bark in the front. Really, that you know, that's funny that you say that the fucking that hosting job had made so many people funny that Russ Maniv got that job. He was not as funny as he became. He got really funny from hosting at the Boston every night, all night long.

And Ben Bailey. Ben Bailey was like kind of fucking mediocre. And then he got that hosting gig for like a year. And then all of a sudden he was just razor sharp, had these fucking killer bits. Yeah, I'm also tremendous now because of that. He's amazing. And a lot of things, I was born with it. But we used to, I mean, those shows on Monday were awful. I mean, like, nine people that we begged

to come in, Joe would host, and then we just drink, the waitress liked Joe and I, so she would just give us, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She would just give us booze, she'd be like, because we weren't getting any money, she was like, do you have some booze? And we're just like, yeah, him and I would just drink until three in the morning. I used to go there when we used to hang out.

It was me, Norton, Patrice, Burr, Keith, and the guys above us were, it was Jay Moore, Chappelle, Brewer, Red Johnny and the Round Guy. Those are the fucking guy guys that, you know, you hope you didn't stop by. Yeah. But we'd go there. I got so much, I didn't drink, but I got so much pus.

And that fucking place. So much better than that. You know, the hallway downstairs. Yeah, do you go down to the bagging in? I used to get blown while they were saying my name. Like they'd be like, you guys ready? Yeah, fuck, Robert, can I go up my fucking, my little fucking wet stain in my pants?

I told the story to Joe Madarice. He came in with two hot brouts one night and I went into the bathroom and they fucking, she's like, she goes, what are you doing? He was on stage eating his cock. And they go, what are you doing? And I go, I'm gonna take a piss, she goes, can we watch?

I go fuck yeah. So I went in, they fucking one girl, I piss, they're watching me piss, then she set out a set of piss and then she started blowing me then the other person was pissing Yeah, that's fun. I've had that but really it was a real fat girl though Who broke the bathroom tiles? But it's a whole the story you broke a tile this woman did yeah, I was having sex with a real fat about 300 pound girl in Plantsburg, New York and then my best friend Tom Dustin was having sex with a woman who was a grandmother and on her

Period right next to me in the bed next to him. I love Tom Dustin. He's a fucking lunatic. Yeah, he's a real nut. Yeah, those two. We go back aways. Oh yeah. Okay, fucking used a computer bag as a belt one time.

You know, the strap for the computer bag. He longed, forgot his belt, so he just did that for the week. Hey, he just hooked it on. You know, the little clasp. Yeah, the push down when he thumbs. That was his fucking belt. And that sounds about right. Yeah, it's a 24 inch waist.

Oh, fucking guy. What's the, did you, did you, if you told the, the Louis CK, the story is that too embarrassing to tell? That is really embarrassing. That's pretty funny. Well, yeah, this is when we were back at the time. I love the, I love the judges set you up.

That's great. By an Alan the shit out of that story. He blew Louis in the hallway. It was crazy. As the column Louis name. Come on you little fuck. Fuck dog. Fucking make me come.

Yeah. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Yeah. Is this two embarrassing as we can improvise a difference? Not at all. Hang on one second.

Oh, perfect. Hold that. Hello. Hello. thought. Hello. Hello. Yes. Yeah, you're on the podcast. Who's this, Serp? I'm hanging up.

No, don't hang up. You're on the show. I don't want to be on the show right now. All right, well, fucking, I'll call you back and we're done. What podcast is this? Oh, go fuck yourself. You know, you're going to be on the show, or you're not're gonna be on the show or you're not gonna be on the show You don't get to fucking tell jokes and then hang up

I don't want to be on the show. Okay, then I'm gonna hang up with you. All right, you do a podcast Yeah, hilarious. Hey Jim, let me ask you a question All right, nice the old hang up. That's actually you. You fucking your manager's trying to fucking crack jokes at your expense. Is that the guy that's supposed to fucking make a hot commodity? He's supposed to sell you and he's like, you do a pot. I hope I hope the fucking sponsors of this show here that you do a podcast. We're pulling out. So we had to tell the story. You suck in Louis C. K's got I am blowing him Furiously, uh, anyway, I briefly thought you had a friend named Serp like Serp. Oh Serpico. Yeah, yeah

I figured that out slowly in my head But I thought there was just a guy named Serp and I was like, I think I's great. You should be a regular on Like a town act Town act Shit mother fuckers wanted to what do y'all my fuckers want to talk about y'all my fuckers want to talk about women be shopping You all my fuckers want to talk about why people do this black This bitch right here. Oh, sir. You're so crazy Shed the liars of motherfuckers Oh, my drinking tea. I ain't no Chinese man. Oh shit. It's hot in here. Let me take a breath

Let me take a breath. Lord it's hot in here. Hang on a sec. You take a break of your job. Let me take a Sirpa on politics. I mean what's the deal with the mother of a robot? It's a celebration equality. What the fuck? It be crazy? Oh god It's a great quality. What the fuck it be, Racy? Oh, God. That's fun. Look, it's some black comics of funny. They are. That's true. Not the ones with the one nickname thing though, usually.

It's really tough. Well, let me think. Let's think T-Rex. I've never seen him, but I've heard this before. T-Rex is more. He's one of the funniest motherfuckers ever. No, T-Rex is a comment. He is a good friend of mine,

but I did a show with him in Amsterdam. I did a black show. Yeah, but the black people in Amsterdam are like white people. Right, gotcha. But we, they come up after the show. You are awesome. I just want to say this, you are phenomenal. Terrific, absolutely terrific.

T-Rex is funny. Who saw, Sir, Sirge? Sarge, am I fucking this up? That's made up. Sir, Sirge, Sirge just came up. I'm not fucking aware of this. He was crushing this seven minutes. Politics race.

I tried to think of another one name. I don't know. I was trying to think of what it was quake. Earthquake. There you go. Earthquake is one. I don't know. I've never seen him before. I thought he was supposed to be fine. I never seen him either. I fucked up one day and called him Hurricane. I did. I just didn't know. I was at the fucking improv in L.A. and I was like, it's hurricane going. They were like, he was behind me. They're like, it's earthquake. I was like, all right right relax the fucking mad at me I did pick the wrong disaster just donate oh when is tsunami mother fuck oh shit give it up a heavy rain

it's not quite at the disaster oh that was just that was when he was a bit alert Give it up your MC your MC partly cloudy everybody Shit Louis K K. We're telling the Louis K story. I really love it. We're gonna tell it. I really think it's great So Joe and I just thought of a Mexican stand at the Santa and God I think it's great. So Joe and I, I just thought of a Mexican stand at the center end of it. God, what's the need for us between like light people and making games?

Oh God, dude. I wish I had a people. It'd be so much easier for a had a people. Right. You know what, easy would be to go fucking, you know, fucking Mexican, and you just go off on that fucking thing. I do it.

You do not. No, that'd be awesome. And you're acting, I mean, I mean, you're from be awesome. And you're acting, I mean, you're from Boston. Yeah. You're a white. You're a fucking, are you originally from Boston? Yeah, I grew up in the South Shore. What's that?

Whitman, Massachusetts. Whitman. I lived in Everett, your neighbor for many years. That's right, I lived in my broadest from my wife's from Everett. Right, right, right. Yeah, I lived right in Glendale Square. Yeah, so you're fucking, you're definitely a Boston Boston dude how can we don't have the accent on that

see what here's the thing here's the thing well when I drink it comes out and I go home it comes out I was a kid it like wasn't cool like to me we all started retarded and then because those movies started come I was trying to speak properly not like an idiot right and then all these movies came out where it became like Oh Up with the Dino sound like Fuck it. That's a good boss and then people else and it was cool and I was like well

I would I would have kept talking like a retard if I knew that but when I drink and I the only thing I mean thing I do is I I keep the R at the end of like eight like vodka I say vodka real bad in the last Girl the woman I try not to do is idea. Yeah I say idea on my CD I say I'm just trying to plug my album with this one. What's it called? So far no good. Yeah this is great. I say idea like real it's just clearly I say idea. I fucking hate that. Why do we have to be self-deprecating? Why is it uncool for come? Why couldn't you name your CD? This is really good or I'm excited I'm so

far no good I'm not saying the album stinks although I hate it but at that point my career had at this point still yeah but every this is the highlight of my career right now every every but every calm somebody to hear a guy go, ow, ow. Ow. You know he's fucking the thin dude from boss, ow.

But I don't like this, this white, you're very white. I lived in Harlem for years. I know, I'm, I'm, I'm way white in New Orleans. I like biggie smalls. Oh yeah, yeah. I'm way wider than you.

No, you're white. I don't like this whole thing. All right. Who's whiter and who's whiter? We're all white. You know, I listen to the blues and I lived in Harlem, fuck off. I voted for Obama.

Come on. That's pretty black. That's white. I got a good sense. First of all, voting for Obama is not, that is not black, that's white. Well, it's a white thing. No.

That's a white liberal thing to do. Let's vote for the black guy. Let's try. Let's see what happens. That's true, I guess. The black people voted for him. See, the black people are voting for McCain. I don't think so. Maybe some of them are. I'm just kidding happens. That's true, I guess. The black people voted for him. Dude, the black people aren't voting for McCain. I don't think there's some of them.

I don't know. Oh, we should have won. Now we're off on a topic. Now, yeah, now we have a topic. Listen to me. The thing is, my point is, is that every comic, like I'm trying to come up with a name for my next CD, it's always something fucking negative.

It's like, you know, about fucking killing yourself, or this is okay, or fucking, I'm gonna die, or fucking, I mean, name one positive guy that went, this is really funny jokes, or some guy that just said, it's a good fucking out. I'm awesome. Well, Cosby has a very funny fellow, but then he says right at the end of it,

so we kind of questions it. Yeah, very funny fellow, right? Well, my point is we're so fucking insecure we're ego maniacs that are fucking just insecure about our shit I just want I want your next album to be this is the best all right I was actually thinking about on the way here we're talking about I want to call it sorry about that last one that's actually funny all right go Louis go Louis CK So Joe is cocked. I am again just blowing them at a maniacs rate. I'm maniacs How does it mean? I have no it so Joe and I are diet on Monday nights and we say Joe we're talking about the new Joe Joe list Joe Boston Joe talking Boston Joe Fucking Boston Joe every Joe

It sounds dangerous that you're a bank robber I just unplug something. Oh boy. Oh go ahead. We'll go Boston Joe and I our diet Back in those days were double shots of whiskey and bud lights, which we would drink yeah a lot of a lot of Bud Light and whiskey. Well, she would just keep filling it up right we do it We do a double shot of whiskey and then she just give us another one so list this hosting and I'm out front barking and we're pretty banged up this about eleven fifteen eleven thirty at night yeah yeah we were having like we're hammered and Joe comes up to me

the room with that Louis C. K. was in the neighborhood you knew well you went to the seller to get a check from Depala oh okay you had to go just me sound like I'm really ready to get a check from DePaulo. Oh, okay. He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go,

He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go,

He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go,

He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, He had to go, met the Paula too. I got a whole lot of stories. Like, when you say, the new Joe has a lot of stories. A lot of stories. They're all on his own. No credits, but a lot of stories. Boston Joe and I are drinking and he comes back over and basically that Monday night room, he would just, we, people would drop by and go up.

Norton Burr, whoever was around, would just come in. I know how comedy works. Go ahead. What the fuck, what am I afraid of? What am I afraid of? I'm trying to explain it. Maybe there's some lady inter-tapel listeners. So wait a minute, I just wanna in. And how comedy works, go ahead. What the fuck, what am I afraid of? I don't fucking know. I'm trying to explain it, maybe there's some lady interdependent listening to this.

So wait a minute, I just wanna ask you a question. How does it work again? So comics stop by and just go up. Yeah, if you have enough credits, you get to a point. You can just kind of show up on a show and get on. Okay, really? So if you have enough credits, you can just come by the Boston.

Like a guy like you came by, I was like, hey, do you wanna go on? Oh, let's go. And then you would cut in front of the lesser people. Right, like, like Dan, yeah. Okay, I'll get you want to go on? Oh, let's go. And then you would cut in front of the lesser people. Right, like, like that. Okay, I'll get to how it works now. Go. There you go.

For the girl on the cube. Good. Lady in the cube, you're welcome for that. Now you know more about comedy. You can bring it up at a cocktail party. Joe walks up and he goes, hey, Luis C. K. is over at the seller. You should.

New Joe. New Joe. Boston Joe comes up and is like, C. K. is over at the seller, working on his new hour. He was doing chewed up. That's when he was starting to work on chewed up right and he goes all right He goes tell him to come over tell him we're working now I said I said I said I was like off I was like go over there just tell him the village is still working He meeting the show is on is still going the show is going the show's going that's Dan was I'm

Just translated the exact words that I said and just said those words to him. I'm in the back hallway of the seller, and Louis gets off stage. I go, hey, Louis gets said, he goes, thanks man, I go, um, the village is working. And he goes, he looks at me and he goes, what?

And I go, the village is working. And I just keep saying that I'm not changing the sentence. I'm looking at him, den the eyes, I go, the village is working. And he like, gives me that, you know that look that Louisie, there's like, what the fuck is this kid talking about? I go, and then I find, and then I,

the look of, I don't know, but I need to know. Like I have to figure this out. But he gives me one last look and I do a defeated, the village is working. And I go, and then finally I go, I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means either. And I turn around and slump back to the comedy bill.

Liz gets off stage, he's like, dude, what's up? Is he coming over? I was like, I told him to me by the way. Yeah, he's like, what's happening? That's the boss. And he goes, what did you say? And I go, I told him the village is one thing. And Joe goes, you didn't tell me there was a show?

And I go, I just told him the village is the thing. Well, the other thing, that club, we called it the village, but I go, I just told him the village. The other thing that, like that club, we called it the village, but everyone else before us knew it as the boss did. So it just sounds like the neighborhood, the village is working. It sounded like the area he was in was working. The neighborhood's doing okay, it's working. It's working out.

This thing's catching up. Everything's going all right here. There's a lot of artists and dollar slices and, that's funny. And then I showed Jessica Simpson my penis. Yeah, that was one of the hardest of ever laughter in my life. Where? We were at the bagging in below the comedy village. Jessica Simpson as in the singer with shoes with John Mayer apparently right

why was she there? No, no, she was next door. She was like she was eating get the fuck out. And so she was out. She was on her next door and Dan and I were like well we're going to go in there shortly. We're going to walk in and go see Jeff we were hammered again. We had like cargo shorts and like rip sneakers or whatever. And they were like, yeah, you can't come in here. The guy literally mad about it. So I was like, I'm gonna show her my dick when she comes out. And-

Because you know the firehouse next door? I do, yeah. We were sitting at the firehouse and Joseph looks at me, Boston Joseph's looks at me and goes, what's this going side? And I was like, yeah, we walk up in the guy, it's like a five star restaurant. The guy's like, yeah, you're not coming in to both of us.

And we're like, but we just want to get a drink. And he's like, yeah, no, that's not gonna happen. So we sit outside and then Joe just gets this evil look. And he's like, I'm gonna show her my dick. I'm gonna show her my dick. So you got, I mean, stop right here. Just stop for one second. Slow down on this fucking next.

You just jump. First of all, you went from one very good story to another fucking story. So we're gonna stop. there is a pause in between here because you're gonna show Jessica Simpson your cock I took so I'm hazy on this story So here's the thing is you must have an alright piece yeah, yeah, well not anymore Well happy to get a correction it well it's a story for another time, but you lose your dick a story for another time but uh... did you lose your dick? some happy dick?

the genuine the genuine almost amazed slash worried look on bobby's face when you just said that he goes did you lose you did you lose your dick? yeah I want to know is your dick alright? I got herpes on my dick so sometimes it doesn't look so nice can we say this on the air? yeah on the air go that glide? one and one nine the coyote? occasionally it's a little spotty but that back then it was pristine and it's pretty good size.

So you have a nice cock. I think so, yeah, I've been told. No, nice enough to whip out in front of Jessica Simpson. I mean, like if I took my dick out in front of Jessica Simpson, Jessica Simpson, I'd have to puff up. I'd have to fucking, you know, play a little guitar, a little band Joe on his front up a minute. I know it's talking about just plump the head up.

Yeah, plump the shit up a little bit, you know? But I mean, it was just a good, it was like a summer I had shorts on maybe. Yeah, it was hot. Maybe it was hot. I need that one. Yeah, I need that one. I need a comb, but I have feelings.

Ha, ha, ha. So yeah, I remember it because we were both hammered, but I think I was less drunk than him. Yeah, you must have been. Well, you didn't, otherwise we would have both been showing her right there. Yeah, but I... Well, you have a small dick, either You got you got a big piece. I got a decent piece. Well, you got a big piece. I got a big piece. I could tell your forearms those fucking like like that

fucking Pennsylvania steel workers. He's got a real hairy dick too evidently. Yeah, I got Robin Williams like he's got that you got a you got a you get a fucking big piece. Um, so. What are you ignoring the question for? I could get gay. I did. I was gonna get gay. Yeah. Excellent.

Yes. Um, so Jessica Simpson walks out with her security team. And there's like an escalade or one of those kind of. Yeah, I was like an S.U. Don't be racist. Don't be racist. Why she's a little white woman. Okay.

Uh, that's what I'm not talking about syrup getting in his white Escalade. I think I gotta have a white escalade. I think you know the comic escalade Is that a real guy? Oh, okay, that should be someone someone somewhere is gonna go I'm gonna call myself escalade. That's gonna be my name So she gets in the escalade and her security team gets in and they start pulling away slowly and Joe just pulls his dick out and does like a side skip wagging his dick at the Escalade just like waving it at her down all the way to Sullivan Street. Which is real dumb. You can go to jail for that. Yeah, that's like it. But was she did she see it? I don't think so. I don't know. It's not that nice of a piece.

I think it was like you were literally like on the side of the Escalade. I don't think so. I don't know. It's not that nice of a piece, I think. But you were literally on the side of the escalation. I don't know. Down west, third street. I mean, this isn't gay. This is just for the story. I want people to be able to fucking visualize this. Is it hanging down? Is it sticking straight out?

I think it's hanging down. You know what? I've seen Joe's penis a couple times. He was flapping Flapping it enough happy yet enough did he had a hit his head on a slack and he had enough slack that he could bang it around a little bit So you you're almost playing an instrument skipping yeah, I'm giving a little Good piece and I think I showed her what I'm made of and for a whole boy. I haven't heard from her yet But he went from Thompson to Sullivan. Yeah, I was at

her house one night. Oh boy. Oh, turns out she's a friend of the family. She cried for three years. Yeah, she actually liked your car. Oh great. Yeah. She brought it up. Like her. She has photos of your car. I took this. No, I was at her house one night. I was of course with Dane. I was, of course, with Dane. I didn't find it over. We're at the laugh factory. She came in the back door. And this was like when she was in her prime, right?

Right. No. This was after. I knew her then. Was this her first fat? I knew her. I met her then. And then I met her at her second fat.

Her first fat was when she was with her husband. And then she lost it when they got divorced. And she did Duke's it has. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that was great. And then she did that movie with Dave and that's when she really got shredded. And then when she got her, she was, she was heading to her second fat. When she, she, uh, in between fucking the Dallas dude and mayor, we hung out, we just hung out with his friendly, you know, it wasn't a sexual thing with them. was just friendly and we went back and hung out at our house We followed them up into the house. It was fucking beautiful house She's got this crazy backyard and I was out in the backyard and just me and her like in the middle of the night

And we're out in the backyard and I'm making her just just a Simpson laugh And I'm like oh my like like just hit me like, oh my God. Like, and then of course, Dane walks out. What's up? That fucking, beeper, fucking, fucking show the boy walked out. 28 inch waist. It's got a shirt off. He's like, we got hot in that house.

It's came outside to cool off. Hey Jessica, can I eat this fruit in front of you? It's just dripping down. I'm guessing question. I'm just checking my bank account. Is this, is this your internet right here? Because I don't know if that's my real balance. Oh, sorry, my balance is right there.

That's a lot of zeros. I'm just gonna do pull ups while you guys talk. No, but you know what day doesn't even give a fuck though, because we use my card to get up there. You didn't even give a fuck about it. You know what I mean? But he came as soon as he came in, she was like, oh, Dean, I was out there by myself

on her backyard in the dark by a fountain then you feel like a creep Yeah, it's like contemplating like trying to do affirmations The lack of delay will crumble away. Oh for my destiny. I get you Simpson. Oh Stupid but she's actually a sweetheart sweetheart. She would have laughed at her fucking, I bet she saw you cock, dude. She would laugh her ass out. Maybe we can set something up. Let's set it up. If anybody in and do you have a thing in heaven.

How can I? If we'll do, anybody out there knows Jessica Simpson. We have a lot of, we have like 30,000 listeners. Oh, wow. So if anybody out there knows Jessica, we wanna know if she saw Joe Boston Joe's cock that night and if she thought it was a nice piece or if she'd be willing to look at it again.

Let's take a glance. Also, if everyone listening could send me $1, it would double while you were in a car. Oh, sorry. That's, wait a minute, you might have one. Oh, $30,000 just really put, that's my life goal is to make that in a year. So I thought maybe I could help push this forward.

You have, you don't make 30 grand. What are you kidding? I like to wait till it shows space. Just got greatly serious. You probably know what he said. What do you know make 30,000 joggers? I am fucking. I did a commercial.

I did with commercial and you know, weak middling. I did a commercial, I did it with commercial and, you know, weak middling. I did a caption Morgan commercial, the four guys, available on YouTube. And just on YouTube never made the TV. No, no, it was on TV. No, no, it was a big, it was a big national commercial. Yeah, it was playing during that world baseball classic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did an ESPN commercial. And I would, I was, I remember being at the restaurant, we have TVs at the restaurant and I go,

that's my friend, that's my friend, Joe, what everyone's like, it's a fuck is this idiot? And I'm just like, that right there. I had one, when it was out after Caroline's, we went to what's the bar next to Caroline's. Playwrights. The playwright, we were there and I was talking

to this couple that was at the show and they were laughing and it was being funny, whatever. And the commercial coming on, I went, by the way, that's me. And they just looked at the TV and then looked back at me with zero reaction. Like, I don't know if they didn't think it was me. They were just like, all right.

And it was nothing. I was like, yeah, commercial suck. And anyways. I've never, wait a minute, have I done, I don't think I've ever done a commercial lever. I did, you know what I did? They're called industrials. I don't know if you know what they are.

No. Well, companies like Dunkin' Donuts, Home Depot, all these fucking places, they have moved, little videos made up to teach you. Somebody robbed you to do this. If somebody, you know, You stopped watching the other one over there. Right, I did a lot of those.

Really? Yeah. I worked at the Bathy Meadow for six months. I did a lot of those. I did a Dunkin' Donuts because you had when somebody if you look at the dunk at Donut I don't know if they have now, but at the door they have a Ruler so somebody brought you as they're leaving you're supposed to look they still do right? Yeah I know they have like one of those in Queens where I just got my tea today. It's not my neighborhood here up the street

They don't have them, but all right get it In Serp's neighborhood they do Why they got the ruler at the Dunkin Donuts? I try and out for no New York, Nick Almost love this Every time every time you do syrup Bobby reaches for the knobs over there. What's happening? His boss is two things that shut this podcast down his voice his monster voice right Yeah, you like you if I'm listening. I can hear you you sound normally when you get high your normal But he has a very fucking crazy. Yeah, he has a monster voice and if you look you boy You can know when me and you are talking. It's just up and down up and down when he talks

It looks like a fucking tsunami's coming. Oh, right, yeah. So we will be two adults and one child for the podcast. With a big, a little boy or the big voice. He really does. He has a fucking huge voice. He does. I, yeah, I did that.

I did, I had a rob the place. You were the robber? I was a robber. And I really scared the shit out of Lady, because they just used a regular cash here. They did, you know, because if they don't give a fuck so they use the lady they didn't tell her what I was gonna do. So this was in Boston too. Right. Where I did all my industrial work. Yeah. I just walked up. They gave me the gun and I was supposed to walk up and go give me

give me a crawler and give me one of the ones with the sprinkles and then I could do whatever I wanted. So I was like, okay, give me the crawler. Give me give me a crawler and give me one of the ones with the sprinkles and then I could do whatever I want I'm so okay give me the crawler give me the one the spring give me the money I'll kill you I won't kill you I will shoot you in your face give me the money I just lost it and this lady she started panicking, but she couldn't get the drama. She started crying I can't get the drop and. I'm like, who will draw your death? You're fucking trying to get the shit in the fucking- Bobby, cut, cut, I'm gonna fucking murder you!

He's pistol whipper. And then how to take your ones right head down on the counter and put your gun to it? You want to see a fucking family? How to take your in the back and calm her down. Oh, that's great. And they were like, do, listen, listen, you got to calm down.

You got to have, you got to just say, just say, crawler sprinkles, give me the money, a couple of times. So back up. I got to do that for Sears one. I worked at Sears though, and it wasn't like a corporate thing. You worked at Sears.

I don't work at Sears. Like I said, you worked at Sears. Yeah, I worked at Sears for a long time. But I got to do the same thing. You worked it's like cousin. I don't work it's ears. Like I said, you worked it's ears. Yeah, I worked it's ears for a long time. But I get to do the same thing. I got to like fake steel stuff. It was real fun. Gary Gorman worked it's ears. No kidding. Yeah, what the? What? Look at you. You have you whip up with Gary. You love Gary Gorman. Gary's a dear friend. I love that. He's one of my favorite people on the planet. Yeah, mine too. He's always he's always there when I need him. He's a good Gary. I'm telling we did a podcast last week with him.

He one of the nicest guys in the planet. Me and him, I got him, I got him a job, waiting tables when we first started, because he quit, he was an accountant, down in a Wall Street in Boston, he was making some cash and he just quit it all, fucking started doing comedy, needed a job. And I mean, I was so jealous of him when he first started.

Yeah. Because Paul DeAngelo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I needed a job and I was so jealous of him when he first started. Cause Paul DeAngelo loved Gary Gullman and would put him up on every fucking show, every show and never give me any time. Gary Gullman was on every, anytime Paul DeAngelo hosted downtown Nix, he used to do comedy all during the week. So certain guys got like nox, he got his own show,

D'Angelo had like Wednesdays. Right, right. And then they'd have like the columns that have their own show. So there's a lot of comedy at nix going on. And I mean, you just named the only three places I work now. But it's alluding Nick.

He would give him time all the fucking time. And then one night he gave me a spot. He goes, all right, I'll put you up, I'll, I'll put you up next. I was like, all right. And he goes, four minutes. I was like, four? The fuck gives four minutes.

Right, that's a slap. And then as he's going up, he kept going four with his hands, four. Four. And it was at the end. And then he went up and fucking, like, did one of my jokes. Like, I used to have this joke. It was about raking leaves. How I hated like chores as a kid and you rake leaves, just stoop it. How you raking them as they fall, you pick them up, then they fall.

They're falling. That's what they call the fall. Come up with another season called foul. All the fucking leaves foul. I do this once. God named them leave. Leave them there. Yeah. God did name leave. Leave him there. Yeah. He got it nameably. But we did. Right. But he actually did like a similar, but back then that was a fucking for me. Yeah. That was a joke.

Right. I was like, oh my god, I can't believe I fucking came up with this. Yeah. Up until then I was just going up with the columns going, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school just going up with the columns going school Fucking look at your face fucking Yeah, exactly that I was just to fucking energy and who I look at my fight I was just gorgeous to back them to add hair and all it And he went up and did like a yeah, I fucking leaves man. Just leave him there the fuck the name leave

I was like are you kidding me. Yeah, well When we did the podcast with Gary, he brought up the fact that I was, you know, who's assistant? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Two months. We've got a great story about who's a side forget his ex girlfriend. Oh, yeah, you were a girl's assistant, a girl comic assistant. She wasn't a comic, though. Yeah, she was. She never , no. Did you ever see her perform? I don't know. Time's the one time you're going to tell their great. I go. I've seen it perform too. So therefore, she's a what?

A comedian. Yeah, hey. Hey, bitch assistant. I think I saw her middle for you at Caroline's, didn't I? No. I was a joke with the crime. I was trying to be a callback. All that, woof.

Oh boy. I was doing so well. I love that he tried to cooms up off this blackberry. He really doesn't make no money. He's a blackberry for fucking 10 years ago He's a blackberry with a scroll ball And I have an email callune august 17th 200. I got to call her Michelle. Yeah, yeah, I love Michelle. Oh boy I think she sent me an email close for me

I'm a middle who brings his own headliner. He's a bad fan. You know, they actually called me to do that fan when dad fan won last comic standing. Really? They called me, they were like, yeah, we want you to close the show. That's amazing. They're going to pay me, you know, like, fucking a thousand bucks to close every show, to go up and do 45 at the end.

He was going to go up in the middle and do, he only had 20 minutes to a half maybe. He was getting six. He was getting the door deal. So he was getting fuckin' thousands and thousands of dollars go up in the middle, do his horse shit, and I don't have to go up at the end and close it out. That fan, my favorite trashing of the comedian on Toughcrowd was that fan.

He, Valsen Patrice beat the shit out of him. Yeah, Patrice actually said to you would you do that voice that just in you. Is that voice just pop out of you? I love Colin says something where he goes you know what about the article and then Patrice goes I was offended in the article that they listed him as a comedian. Yeah it's like that. Stings. Someone told me that that fan spends thousands of dollars on pants because his signature thing is karate kicks after jokes. A comedian named Ali Wong.

That's my thing. They took your shit. That's funny. The angel is doing it too. Yeah. The angel is doing it. And syrup. Call back to the previous story.

It was just fucking nine callbacks in a row. I really want to throw it in an alt-room. I'm going to fucking write in session down. I'm going to go up here. Keep going.rown I'm gonna fucking write in session down. I'm gonna go up here. Keep going, keep going. I'm writing these down. And thunder cats reference. So Gary's ex, my former boss.

We're doing one of these fucking long money nights shows. It fucking bugs me that you did that. I know. It bugs me that that's in you. No, but I don't know Joe, but I know fucking Joe. I know this fucking, I know that he wouldn't do that. I know that he took the fucking high road. You know what bugs me about you?

Is that you fucking did that? I didn't know what the fuck was. It hurts me. I didn't know what it was. I can't do it. I didn't know I do. And when I finally put two and two together, I quit. And that's when I started barking. I don't like that you're defending it, and I don't like I do and when I finally put two and two together I quit and that's when I started barking

I don't like that you defending it and I don't like it. It was an awful part of my life and I would rather not It's like it's like you got raped or you suck the dick to get by at least just own it Dude I sucked the conk I swall the load. I was gay for a wink. I'm sorry. I needed food. I would accept that All right, you know, I'm fine. I did it. Yeah. It was awful. Yes. But let's move on. But you knew it. You knew it.

You thought it was going to give you a little one-type, one-type, you knew it was. It's almost commendabit. It's like Michael Jordan would get caught cheating like playing GoFish, which is like a douche shitty thing to do, but it's like it's in his head. He was just trying to win. I needed to win.

Dan needed to, you know, make it, so he answered the phones like a bitch Now look at him. I make God look at the size of his head You really I mean you're on fire Does it bug you his success? Oh? No, I want to kill myself. No, no, I'm very happy for him. I'm happy for it. Stop. I really, I want to go to your house. You live alone? Who do you live alone? What is this 30 grand living alone business?

We came up in different times. How many? I have 11 roommates. We live in a van in Bushwick. You probably have your own show. I'm hoping you're gonna feed me the other podcast How many roommates do you have well Carly I have For how many rooms you have one two I have three roommates and a guy's to be in our coach so four technical guys Who's your coach?

Three moments in a coach. You have a coach. I don't like coach. Joe, what do you do? Ah, Joe, let's go, Joe, you can make it down. He's gonna whistle. 81 liners, give him to me, come on. Go back, go back, I push up, then I call back.

I want T and S and I want T S where it's right now. I decided halfway through I should make it Mickey from Rocky. So I have three or four roommates. Three or four. Are you one of them? No, you're no. And so I don't even know my original question.

So you're back at your point. You're trying to start some sort of beef between friends with your original question. I don't really don't. I don't want, because I love Dan. I look at, I... I'm so so on him, but yeah. I've done a lot.

Yeah, yeah. Any time I can help this guy out, I tell everybody about him. Everybody. I mean, SD still tweets me, or, I mean, text me, thanks for Dan Soda. It's like a running gag now because of Dan Soda, right? And you, and you were at the, I remember

when I was still on open, Michael, Lisk got passed at the seller, and that was like, yeah. That's right. Yeah. So here's a deal. 27 years ago. I got passed before Bobby got passed. I remember when I was still an open-micro, Liska passed at the seller, and that was like, yeah. That's right. So here's a deal. 27 years ago. I got passed before Bobby got passed.

I, this is fucking action. Bobby. If I can Bobby go, I pass it. If I can, I was doing shows down there. This is my fucking lossy action, because I fucking want to sound like a fucking retile, like Bobby Kelly. But the thing is, you know, it comes out

when I fucking drink and get retarded, tired. What, what a long podcast. I live a podcast. My coach is telling me not to fly a sea boibee to wear. But it's, it's bobby. It's bobby. So I mean, at your house, he's your friend. You came up together kind of, right?

And you hear that all this stuff that's going good for him. Right. And then you don't just go fuck. Well, what I've been doing the last few, I don't want to get to whatever. I wasted so much time just, you know that movie, they made that movie when stand-ups stood out about all the bombs that got us drinking

and getting real sad. Yes, I do. They made a movie telling us what not to do, and we just did it anyways. Right. So that's what I have where I'm like, I was just drinking and boozing and fucking everybody and, well, everyone that's ugly.

And so I wasted so much time. So when people get real successful, I've learned to look at myself, I'm be like, I wasn't doing any of those, I wasn't doing any of that. But certainly, I don't think Dan Sotters nearly as talented as me. But that's all I wanted very attractive.

That's right. But no, no, I'm happy for everybody. I've never been one of those guys that's like, fuck that guy if we're getting that. I was thinking, I'm like, oh man, I don't like guys like that either. It's a bad way to be. I tell you, I used to be like that when I first started. Because I didn't understand the business.

Because you see people that suck. That's when it's hard. When looked, Dan's talented. You know, I like- Yeah, you see people that suck right right that's when it's hard when look dance talented You know, I like this people that suck to get things like come on. Yeah, but usually they're you know But he like people who really just blow they get stuff on pure personality luck or fucking whatever the whatever You know shit businesses and happy like what the fuck? I don't get that and make sure even that I don't give a fuck about anymore because you're really not in competition with anybody But you know when but there is like when you know when somebody gets something like you know successful that you know your friend Especially in this business when you I mean there is that fuck when

My way to fucking shot is anybody ever gonna fucking throw something you know that runs through your head your head like, hey man, that's good for you, dude. I'm glad you got a show. Right, fuck. Yeah, it's brutal. You know what I mean? I mean, that's why I like comics who help each other, though. That's, I hate guys who get, like, I know people who fucking, you know,

as soon as somebody gets that fucking, I can, he got something and fucking, she and it's like, I've watched people, who gives a fuck. I've watched people disappear because they act like that. Like the guys that I was doing open mics with five years ago and I was just like, I'm gonna go hit another mic and they're like,

did you see who fucking got live a golf? I'm like, I don't care, I'm not even near that right now. I need to keep on it. Well, it's easy for you to be at that point, okay? But I keep on stopping. It's easy for you to be on the, this end of it, to look at that end of it. But when you're on this end of it, to see that shit. Yeah, it's a little I know it's disheartening

It's a little fucking frustrating, but it it I don't I don't like that shit either Do you know? Yeah, but typically people that aren't getting anything get real bitter They're not working hard enough or working enough true that and so you know fucking the truth Joe Joe truth Teller. Boston, the truth. Joe, I'm trying to tell the truth. Boston, the truth. Boston, the chill.

The truth. That's Paul Pierce's nickname. The truth. Yeah. That's what we're going to call you from now on the truth. Oh, I love that nickname. It was. There were stab you 13 times at nightclub in Boston.

Yeah, but I'll survive with a leather jacket. I love Paul Pierce. So, the original story. You suck Louis G. C.K.'s cock. So, I can hold that one. Like I'm, the original story. You suck Louis G. C. K's cock. So I can hold that one. Like I'm it. We told that one. So it's a late Monday night and- You're relentless on the story. I don't even think it's going to pay off that well to be honest. I'm putting it out there. I'm not going to pay off. And you know what? I'm going to bail right now. Oh yeah. You burned. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends.

We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going to be tracking out friends. We're going be touching our friends ex girlfriend. We got the whole thing really funny What do we do again? Just tell the end of it. We turned off the lights and played Led Zeppelin. Oh, that's right She was in real shooting fire fighters in the audience right and she was saying 9 11 was an inside job And both of us were drunk and we looked at each other right now And Joe turns off the lights and I hit play on the CD play and it's like And Joe turns off the lights and I hit play on the CD play and it's like What the fuck and we went and then we went down that back stairwell to the bag and bought beers Oh, we just like we're nothing happened and they come down like who the fuck turned off the lights and turn on the music Which is on stage like I don't know that's weird. I was like I don't even know Led Zeppelin

They like how do you know what song it was? Not part didn't happen, but I like that we both remember to Zeppelin. I're like, how do you know what song it was? It was like, ah! That part didn't happen. But I liked that we both remember it was Zeppelin. I went with communication breakdown. You went with whatever thing you were yelling. Black dog. Oh, a whole lot of love. A whole lot of love. What, who was that, the blonde, your boss?

My boss. She was your boss at the time? No. At that point, I was just barking. So I was, I was the control. I was the one who even stopped barking too though. Oh, I think what we did was we would say we were gonna go around the corner of bark

and then went to a different bar. Yeah, we got more than we did. We got guys with the guys with the flyers that just walked around the corner and threw them in the tree. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we would, we, I, I, I was around with America, by the way.

No, but I would do. Americans actually fucking stay on the corner and snap that shit until they get my way. And then all the white kids are like, I don't want to work. I would sit on the stool because that was the best one because I could just sit there and smoke cigarettes and people would rock mine and be like,

hey, you guys want to see a show? And then like, how would you do it? Hey, you guys want to see a show? And then, what kind of show? Oh, it's great. We got comedian from Comedy Central, HBO, VH1. Is Dane Cook gonna be here? Oh, no, but there's a lot of great comedians.

You should come in and see it. Yeah, we do. I walk through Times Square a lot and they have those fucking jack offs out there. Yeah. And I would like, is Robert Kelly gonna be there? Yeah lot of great comedians. You should go in and see it. Yeah, we do I walk through time Square a lot And they have those fucking jack offs out there Yeah, I would like is Robert Kelly gonna be there. Yeah, he's coming down. He comes down to a lot I'm like it's me you fucking idiot Yeah me and Burr walk through it like his Billy Burr and Robert Kelly gonna be there I think tonight yeah, though. I think Billy's showing up tonight and Robert's showing up tomorrow

It's like you fucking moron first of all the fact that they don't want up tomorrow. It's like, you fucking moron. First of all, the fact that they don't recognize it hurts my feelings. That fucks it myself, Steve. We're not even that famous where you can't even look at my face and go, hey, you're hybrid Kelly. And second of all, I'm not there. And then third of all, they, and if I had a,

yeah, but they tell people in Times Square that Eddie Murphy's gonna be there. Right. He does go down. Only a hall. Only a hall. How would Haw. Only at Haw. How would that be if he really has been going down if it like two years?

We're not away. Yeah, we didn't know the world. Yeah, no one says that. He goes into a different name. He's got a different moniker. Eddie Murphy's crushing. One time I was back in Boston. There was some woman that I knew who like went to shows

and wanted to put on a show. And she was asking me if I could put on a show. There's like a thousand dollar budget, whatever. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can get some people blah, blah, blah. And then she called me like a couple days later. And she like a thousand dollar budget, whatever. I was like, yeah, yeah, I can get some people, blah, blah, blah. And then she called me like a couple of days later. And she's like, Joe, a lot, this is like, oh, five. She's like, a lot of the girls in the office

been talking around the water cooler about a fellow named Dane Cook. Yeah. Do you know him? Is it possible? I was like, I mean, I know him, but I think he goes like, I don't know. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I don't I was I was imagine 75 grand for a show I don't know She's like a lot of the girls really are liking this guy do you have any way anyway?

You can go it's like Janice from accounting get your Frank Santa Relle for The price I get you Frank in a strong Five bills how's that I get you a dizzy sound Joey and Eddie Up we're getting into that zone where you guys just start naming Boston Can I do you in a dizzy sound Joey and Eddie We're getting into that zone where you guys are starting to am embossing Can you guys I don't know do your I just be my impression of Joe list because you'd always name comedians I didn't know but make jokes about it right like fucking look it's a fucking trauma done as dick

Ha I don't even know who that is Oh fucking look it's a fucking Billy Fick Patrick's first fucking headshot. I'm a fucking getting nuts. I'm like, I don't know. I'm coming from Denver. I'm like, I don't know who any of these people are. Fucking, oh, fucking, this cup's about as half full as fucking Mark fucking Leapold's

prospects in the business. It's a new adjuin there at the end. I don't know. There might be Jesus Christ. There's a couple. There's not. It manages the Irish. So it's very interesting what you said though, dude, you actually you fucking drank in and pissed away a lot of time. But in New York City though, in Boston and New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I

started in 87. So I this you started in 87. No, I'm God. You fucking 18 no I'm Like the blinks and he's like fucking murdering a boss Some of the projects give it up Some of the projects give it up. Oh boy. How about those fucking socks, boo. Huh? Like a Yankees can suck my little tiny,

on pure clock, my clean, hairless picker. I still do that, but. No, but you do, now do you, this is one thing I did notice about a lot of the, because I had a few of you guys open for me and, and at the Wilbur, I've worked with what you pal there with the belt. What's it name? Tom Justin.

Tom Justin? Yeah. Tom, who I like a lot. And the guys that have worked for me all nice guys, who's the other fucking guy? Floop, what the fuck is his name? Ploof. Oh, Kyle Ploof. Kyle Ploof, you friends with him?

Yeah, I'm friends with him. Wow, that was interesting. I'm friendly with him. I haven't seen him in a long time, but we're friends, yeah. It's kind of interesting. Well, I mean, I don't with them. Wow, that was interesting. I'm friendly with them. I haven't seen him in a long time But we're friends. Yeah, it's gonna interesting. Well, I mean, I don't want to forgive That Friends with him, but I don't I don't I don't talk apparently you know the truth anymore I'll tell you the grade

I've looked at guy as a podcast called the pluf is in the pudding which I came up with I think I haven't talked to him But I that's what I started calling when I met him. I was like, hey, Ploof is in the pudding. How's this, how's this? I never even emailed me to say, hey, I've got to, I'm gonna use your nickname. If I have a podcast called The Truth, I'm gonna call you guys up and high five years.

I use call pullpiers. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, I'm friends with Ploof, yeah. Okay, yeah. I just haven't seen him in a while. It's not, I don't talk to him. Jesus, where are we gonna, Joe? Oh boy, I hate him and I just haven't seen him in a while. It's not like I don't talk to him. We get it, Joe I hate him and I hope he dies. All right, so happy

There we go. He's racist and I said my if he died today I'm a cheese cheese. I go on Facebook. I'm like Joe. I call Joe. Joe you're gonna call Bobby I put up that podcast. You're gonna call him so but I'm You're gonna fuck a call. So, but I'm sorry, they're apparently doing fucking that digging for fucking aliens on my street. Jesus Christ. The journey to the center of the earth is going on outside your house. I mean, and these fucking cock suckers,

230 in the morning last week. They started fucking just digging in fucking ground just a jackhammer, two-thirty- Nobody you walk outside you go what the fuck they just look at you like whatever I don't give a shit anyways you you but you a lot of you guys I noticed that a lot of you guys a fucking drink man You guys are like I remember I was at Dustin drinks. There's another kid your other pal with the bangs What's his name? I'm David now He's a new kid. Because a lot of time I've got... Boulder, Dan Boulder.

Oh, Dan Boulder. He's got bangs. Yeah, he looks like Christy McNichol a little bit. Right. The tall, thin, Christy McNichol. Right. I don't know if it's him, but... He let you guys drink and fucking get trashed.

I mean, look, Patrice never drank. Billy drank a little bit. Dane didn't drink. I didn't drink. None of us really fucking partied at all. It was just all comedy and fucking bustin' balls. But you guys, I mean, did you stop drinking? Are you?

I still drink, but I started writing in the daytime sending out emails and recording sets and listening to them and drinking after I get my work done and stuff like that. This is all recent like last year too. No shit. But yeah, yeah, it's just, there was no, all the guys I started with and came up with in Boston,

there was no work ethic at all. We just had our jokes and we're funny guys and got real drunk afterwards and tried to fuck people. Because you, I mean, your name was out there. I mean, when you started opening for the Apollo, people like God, this kid, Joe Liss, he's very funny, very funny. And I heard your name a lot.

I had heat in like, oh seven, yeah. Well you know you did you had a little heat right you did it I mean people knew about you and then that really fizzled away, but it's coming back baby. I'm the toast of the town these days But well, yeah, DePaul I kind of wasted that I was on the road with him for five and a half years every get and I would just Shit me. No, no, no, oh six. Yeah, that's a lot of time to be on the road And then yeah, just A clubs, middling, if I wouldn't record sets and I'd just go to the bar and start boozing. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, I couldn't when I was, yeah, I just, I wasted a lot of time. How old are you now? 20 now, I'll be 30 in a couple of weeks. 30, how long you been in the business? Almost 12 year, 11 and a half years. No shit.

2000 I started, yeah. Well good, we got you on the upswing. Yeah, I'm coming back when you need us. You need us. Got a big one-man show working. Yeah. You're doing a one-man show. I just did it for the first run last week and it went real well and what kind of negative name was it? It's called There Will Be Pigs. Oh, what does that mean? It's a it's a whole story about fucking pigs and my ex girlfriend one time we were breaking up and she was like, I hope you don't I don't want you to have sex with other people. She was crying real hard. And I was like, what do you mean,

you're breaking up with me? And she's like, I know, but there's gonna be pigs. And it was a funny thing that happened. And then there's a call back to it in the end, but it's like the last line. So. That's a good one, man. Show you, you gotta fuck it all,

tie it all together at the end with a slide. It's a, it's a, it's good. There's a moment. Yeah. You weren't there, but you know about it. I was there, but, I love the, I love the, I love the, you just,

it's good, right? You were early there, but it's, I can't, I can't. Oh, you're my friend, but I love the I love the you just mean it's good right? You are really there, but it's like oh, oh, you're my friend You think what do you think dance gonna say it's like a thing? What do you think dance gonna say on the podcast? No, it's a it needs work. I mean it's a tightness several places. It's sitting down on the stool and getting emotional It's gonna be a big how long? It's gonna be big. Yeah, who's doing it? What do you mean me? How long? It's gonna be big. Yeah. Who's doing it?

What do you mean? Me. It's one man. I'm producing it, you fucking jack. I don't have a producer yet. I'm working on it, you know. But I did one run and I'm doing a second run and it gets me. What are you doing?

What'd you do the run? At the Creek and the Cave. And where's the second run? At the Creek and the Cave also. And I'm just trying to get some little buzzy things. That's good, man. When is it gonna happen? And when is the June?

June 13th is the second. June 13th at the Creek in a cave. Long Island City Queen. Free show. So it's all about heartbreak and herpes, and I got edited off of last comic stand. Oh, yeah, you had herpes. Yeah, and I got cut off of last comic stand.

That was a little blow to the career. God, that was, I remember. So that's all in there. You, what to Peru to see my ex girlfriend and Think I would like get back together and we never you get from Peru. No, no, she's from Colorado But she moved to Peru because she got herpes in game day. Who gave you the herpes her? No different girl This happened afterwards all in a year my girlfriend I'll just do it give you the quick version my girlfriend who I was in love with we lived together after like six weeks So do it when I met her We moved in together fell in love the whole we lived together after like six weeks, so it was there when I met her. We moved in together, fell in love, the whole thing. She breaks up, it may move to Argentina.

Like just left me for Argentina. I go down, then after that, I get on last comic standing. I'm like, fuck her, who needs the girl? I'm gonna be a superstar. I'm on TV show. That show really does produce superstars. Who won last year? show. Yeah, because that show really does produce super stars. Who won last year? Uh, and go. Um, uh, Tommy Johnigan came in second. Um, so, uh, I go down to, oh, I get last coming stand. I'm like, who needs the girl? I mean, last coming standing now. Then they cut me out of the show. I cry. I want to kill myself. Then she goes, why don't you come to Peru to visit me? I'm like, I'm fucked. Last coming stand. I'm getting the girl back. I go to land down there. We don't hook up. She tells me she doesn't love me anymore. I come back. I meet a new girl that I like. And I'm like, I'm fucked, last time I stand, I'm getting the girl back, I go down there. We don't hook up, she tells me she doesn't love me anymore.

I come back, I meet a new girl that I like, and I'm like, this girl will replace her. I get real drunk, shit in her apartment, all over, into her sneakers. Now, when you say shit, you say shit. I took shit everywhere. Just shoes, shit, and then I took it all around. Can I just talk to you for a second how much how much more I like you right now

Do you understand wait how you shut up in my my system of value to where you are where you were and where you are right now? Yeah, I fucking You know, you know, you know mount cannon and the hampshire. No, it's a big mountain. Okay, and then there's this Mount Washington. Gotcha. You were on Mount Cannon, climbing, you just shot up to the top. I appreciate that. The fact that you shit, girls, you shit in her shoes.

In her sneakers, yeah, yeah. She was like one of these like those like Nike high tops that are like that like hipsters. It was, was it in touch? No, I mean, I was black out drunk. I was fucked up and I woke up. And the girl who's shit, the girl who I liked, it was her roommate who I met that night.

What? Her roommate. I shook hands with her. It was like nice to meet you. And like six hours later. Actually, you know, he is shaking hands with people right now. Right, right. He has not yet been shaking hands with people right now.

He has not yet been shaking hands with people right now. He has not yet been shaking hands with people right now. He has not yet been shaking hands with people right now. He has not yet been shaking hands with people right now. He has not yet been shaking hands with people right now. He has not yet been shaking hands with people right now. He has not yet been shaking hands with people right now. He has not yet been shaking hands with people right now. He has not yet been shaking hands with people right now. He has not yet been shaking hands with people right now. I know what I'm doing here. So, he, that was one of the fucking hardest I've ever laughed in my life because I was with him early in the night, the night before.

Right. We're drinking, fact up the street from here. And I go, because I had to wait tables in the morning. And I called Nate Bargettse and Nate goes, did you hear what the fuck? Oh, Nate was trying. And Nate's literally crying laughing on the phone with me and I go, what happened? Hey y'all, it's Dixie here. Back by popular to my end. I heard you guys love my last commercial so I'm doing it again. You know that this podcast is free, every goddamn week, and that will never change. The boy's love giving you something to do while you're bored on that train rider and

that cube at that shit job you got. But it's time for you to give back to the YKWD podcast. Here's how you do it! 1. Subscribe and leave a fucking nice review! 2. Tell everyone you know. 3. Go to Ryecast and check out the other shows like Hammer Fisting, Glory Hole, Jersey Jerks, My wife hates me, and a whole lot more. And if you're feeling really, really frisky, you can donate or buy some of the lovely merch

we have for you on the merch page. Just click it and get yourself a nice YKWD trinket like a mud hat or a t-shirt. They make great gifts. Thanks for listening. Thanks for loving Dixie y'all. Have a nice day. Yeah, but you were supposed to bring him to how boy Nate called right when I got here. It's about. Oh my god. Really? You didn't I mean, I thought it was Joe and then Nate. I thought Nate was nice. And you say something you don't like Nate anymore. He's been really like. What's up with you and Nate? You said he's a small dick and you don't like him anymore.

You know what? Let's do you're taking the attention off the fact that Joe shit in the show. Well, first of all, I can't wait until it cracks because you can't be this corporate, this neutral forever. He's gonna get something where it gives him a Zego. He's gonna let go of this horse shit. Hey, what's up? We're gone too. We're not. This shows gone. Everything's gone and then and then someone's gonna cross him and it's gonna come out. He's gonna it's just gonna fucking come out and he's gonna attack. It's gonna be a video and then then we'll be doing the podcast together because you'll have to replace him. And then we'll just laugh. And they'll be pigs will be like a motion picture. You'll have a roll. You'll play the girl with any herpes.

I think you guys are both wrong. I can't wait until it happens. You're gonna crack. It's gonna crack. You're not gonna be able to keep it up. You're gonna crack. It's a real thing. It's not Colorado boy. We're just friendly Sorry, you're just not there You're a nice person Someone's gonna snap on you I know it's someone's gonna snap on you. Yeah. BAAAARGH! BAAARGH!

That's a good one. Let's say. GURRRRR! Go low, go low, don't go high. So you, uh, so you shit in the chick shoe. You shit in her shoes, yeah. And then, and then, the thing about this is, I have a flight to Seattle.

You left, you left, you left footprints around to find your way back. Yeah, yeah. If you got lost in the apartment, you could just, yeah. Yeah. like in the immortals when he cut his leg when he went in the maze Just so he could find his way out of the maze See the movie no the worst movie ever go So yeah shit and then I had a flight to see an I was going to see anil that day I missed my flight I just grabbed up with the shit, enough shit I can grab.

I couldn't get all of it. Not shit. Here's another word. Feces. Things. You've all, you picked up the shit. No, no, no. I'm talking about the actual shit.

Yeah. I took my sock off and put it on like a puppet and like picked it up like this and then flipped it inside out so like a sock full of shit. She was her partner like a prison movie. Like he's a middle-aged lady on the streets in New York with a Yorker.

Yeah. So I threw that away and then I just ran to go off, I texted the girl, I was like, I'm so sorry, I've done this, this is a, I'm in the back of a cab going to the airport and I'm like, I can't believe this happened. And this is the best, the girl texted me, she's like, oh no, it's fine, we can't stop laughing.

So I'm like, huh, that is bizarre. That's really cool. Yeah, so I fly across the country in the middle of my flight from Boston to New York to Seattle. I lift my, I cross my leg in the flight and I realize the shit all up my leg. And so I just put it down, I'm like, oh. Oh, that's crazy, I'm covered in shit. For six hours flight. You went on the plane and I landed.

And that only that, but he still saw me. And the longest flight. Yeah, the longest flight ever so Maybe it's cuz I was still drunkers like I'm sure people will displeased. I'm sure So I land and I turned my phone's been off for six hours So I turn my phone back on and it's the girl and she goes oh my god We just got home. We had no idea how bad it was you always appear as sneakers. This is crazy And I was like this now that's more like it.

That's the appropriate text. So I sent him a birthday card with $300 cash in it. Really? And wrote this long apology on Facebook, whatever. And then, wrote a apology on Facebook. I guess that's a really long thing. And then like a month later on Christmas Eve of the same year after the last comic standing in Peru

and the shit, I got herpes on Christmas Eve, like a wild herpes outbreak for Christmas from a different girl. I mean, I can't say her name, but a different girl who was like Sarah Kathy. No, um, keep going. This is just the rest of the podcast. So is it was your first outbreak when we were on the train that day? I mean, that was part of it Yeah, it was a two-week thing. So you got her be what do you mean like a huge outbreak? What does that mean?

It was just like it was fucking crazy like it feels like someone just puts a bunch of cigarettes out on your dick like 10 or 15 And then they like scab over and then they fall off and get like raw again pardon me So wait a minute that's fucking that's an crazy herpes. I thought herpes were, I thought herpes were, you just get a little scab on your dick and it's there and then it goes away. That's what happens after you have it for a while, occasionally that happens. But the first one, like your body's just like,

what's up? And like my lymph nodes were all swollen, my back hurt, I could sleep. The fuck is a lymph node? It's a thing, you don't know what a lymph node is. Yeah, lymph nodes are like, well, I mean, they slow up. Yeah, but where, where, where did you, where were you, that's the trouble, though. Yeah, I mean they slow up. Yeah, but where were you? Where were you?

Yeah, I mean the same place yours are. I'm trying to feel mine. They're in the neck. And the neck hips. Yeah, and they just when you get like sick. Yeah, that's why they check you face. Sometimes my lymph nodes hurt. That's why when you sick, yeah. That's why doctors feel you throw to whatever.

Can you get up just for being fat? I don't know. I'm not a doctor. I just I don't know about herpes. But you got he got on the subway one night and he I couldn't walk and he was like dude I'm like what is it I have I have herpes. So this is another outbreak of herpes. No this is the same one. The original three weeks. The original three weeks herpes. It was crazy.

Like if herpes wasn't permanent it would be the worst thing that can happen. Just based on like the three weeks. And then, can I tell that to the story? Soda, who's, as you call him, a corporate man, trying to be like this sweet guy, he goes, Ben, I know what you feel. I had a couple of scares and it's the worst. And I was like, not on a scare.

I fucking have it, I'm not scared. It's here, I have the thing. And it's like me saying to Soda, he's like, your dad's dead. I know you feel, I fucking have it, I'm not scared. It's here, like I have the thing. And it's like me saying to the soda, he's like, your dad's dead, I know you feel my dad went on vacation for like a week, so I kind of, I'm kind of on board. You really are just a fucking people pleaser.

I'm a nice person. Yeah, not. Yes I am. I know, I love you, baby. But you are, it's all gonna fall apart someday and I'll be there for you. I'll be dead. So anyways, that's what that's what the

There will be pigs so now you got so now you got so now you got herpes right and Shit in the girls house. No girl for us and edited off of a television program Edit off a television program as you left for the girl right and you got rejected again. Yeah, yeah, hard break man So now I mean you're off booze I to be be honest Yeah, I'm not you're not you don't you're not doing what you used to do Yeah, I get my work done and then drink. It's good man. I look I'm a sober for 27 years But I actually like when guys you know, I mean I know this guy's it'll just get fucked up and drink and party And that's kind of the thing and people like that, but you know Especially Joral though, would happen to him.

And you know, all that shit, I would hate to see a fucking, you know, funny guys die because they're, because they're fucking because of something that could control, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm glad, Joe, and I don't, we used to go hard like five years ago. That was just fucking brutal. I also go hard to case, I try to avoid comedy.

I'll take the night off and I try to avoid comedy. I'll take the night off and hang out and drink in my house and buy yourself. No, it sounds good. I'll just wake up with some gin in the morning. I get down a white labeled scotch and a fucking shotgun. Yeah, and a fucking a pipe and a notepad. Not all right, but you're suicide. I'll get it. I tell you mentioned Gerardo, he is a part in my one-man show. I did last time standing with the year. He was one of the guys, whatever. And right before they announced the winners,

it was like we were waiting to come onto air. And Craig Robinson was the host and he goes, hey, while we're waiting, everyone remember to see my movie, Hot Tub Time Machine. And Gerardo goes, what's it about? And that land killed in the one minute sure Jeraldo's funny man. I'm a yeah, he's a funny cocksucker I miss him. I miss him. I wasn't I wasn't like best friends with the guy, but I You know, I secretly admired him a lot, you know, we lost a lot of fucking eyes. Yeah. Yeah Jesus Just a these the phano Patrice, Gerardo

Almost we almost lost Joe You know, it's still He fought back from the herpes outbreak right anyways, I'm gonna wrap this up soon But I wanted to talk about that's what I should have done We yeah the fucking I want to talk about the South by Southwest thing I'm already did the podcast up there, but have you been there? Have you done it? I know I've been to Austin, but I've never done the festival. You've been to Austin. Oh, thanks for thanks for fucking relating a little bit Well, you said have you been there and then I was like, oh, I

Have you ever been to try back a film festival? No, I've been not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it.

I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it.

I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get it. I'm not gonna get we were on. It's like, that was like a four hour crowd. Yeah.

I mean, they didn't, they just had the crowd come in whenever and you could stay. Well, they'd come and leave, they'd come and go. But that's, that's rock and roll, but that's not fucking comedy. Cause you have to sit and listen. Yeah, you have to listen. There's points of reference.

Yeah, you can't. Okay, just come in and go, what you're doing for? Oh man, my wife's really bugging the shit out of me. All right, thank you. And this next one, it's fucking, but listen. You know what, you're fucking flip me out as I came out. I mean, I didn't know that.

Number one, I learned that the crowd was there for fucking four hours. I was like, God, I'm the last one on the fucking show. You're the last one on the night. And then it made me nervous when he, you weren't fucking, you bombed. One of your jokes just went, Oh, in between comics, I did a joke and it got nothing.

You know, and that makes me nervous because this cock second never, you know, he's corporate Dan, he never really bombs. He does great or good, he never really does bad. You know, that's part of who he is. He's always funny, his stuff is always, I've never seen Dan take a hot one. Oh, Joe, see me take many of your hot ones.

And I saw that. When I heard him go, wow, that's got nothing. I was like, oh God. And then. I forget what joke, oh, I was, I think it did something about waiting tables and they were just fucking staring. I mean, I heard nothing. They stared at me and I go, all right, you guys,

I did that thing you did where you just tried to act like it didn't happen. Right, right. You guys ready for your next comedian? We just sit and steep in it. Here's what's gonna slip me up. When I walked out on stage after everybody, you know, after everybody, and I mean fucking everybody,

I looked out there was a 12 year old girl on the front row with her dad. That fucked me up. That's it. Because I just, I'm not one of those guys. I mean, you know, children fucked me up. You know what I mean? I just, they're like my kryptonite.

I was, I was going out, I walked the west that high with my wife sometimes, she makes me do it. And I will come back and I look, and this really happened yesterday, there was a baby, maybe a two year old in the dirt crying. Pfft. And it's by itself. I have my headphones in, I'm listening

to a fucking Bailey J's podcast, I'm just kind of fucking doing, and I look in this a two-year-old in the dirt just crying, but hysterically cr... this dirt all over its face, that's mixing with babies, saliva, and it's just dirty, and it's rolling, and I can cry right now thinking of it, and I look around, there's nobody, there's not a fucking white person in sight to claim this baby, I'm like, it and I look around this nobody. There's not a fucking white person in sight

to claim this baby. I'm like, oh my God, and my wife is, you know, a way ahead of me, I'm whistling, but she's got her fucking headphones and I could be getting raped and attacked and this bitch would have been home, right? So I'm sitting there and all of a sudden, I'm like, I start whistling.

I just, I don't know why. I just start whistling my- Like the anti-griffith theme or like so. Oh, okay why I just start whistling like the anti-griffithy or like so I just start whistling. I just don't know like a rap whistle His whistle patience Baby this that's so the baby baby's, I do like some patience. So here on the park. And I'm missing you. So I start whistling and then all of a sudden this lady,

I should have got a football feel in the half away. Beautiful, tall blonde lady with boots, and jeans. She's just waving me, doing this. It's okay, it's okay. And I'm like, I'm like, is this your baby? She's like, it's okay it's okay and I'm like I'm like is is this your baby I'm like I don't know what that means I'm asked is this your baby it's okay doesn't answer that fucking question because it's not okay This isn't okay to me this is gonna make me cry in my head I'm like I'm I pitching myself walking down the side I wore the dirt baby

I'm like, I'm pitching myself walking, no, aside, I were the dirt-baiting. You know what I mean? Finally, she's like, no, it's my, so I like she was teaching her fucking, her fucking kid a lesson by leaving it in the dirt. Like, no, boy. Fucked up. Dude, I just brought me back to my childhood

with all the fucked up shit I had to go through. And it's like, that's not, you can, what do you want, a lullipop, you wanted a drink, you wanted to go home, he was tired, you can, what do you want? A lullipop, you wanted a drink, you wanted to go home, he was tired, you fucking con, pick the baby up, and fucking hold them. You don't let them just roll and dirt. That's a future comedian.

That guy's gonna be a standup someday. That's Serp. Yeah, that's dirt. That's dirt. Yeah, yo, my name's dirt. It just killed me. It fucking killed me. It fucking killed me. And when I walked out to that show,

I showed a 12 year old girl. It was a girl. It wasn't even a dude. It was a little dude, maybe I can handle it. But it's this girl looking up at me like, please, you know, and I'm like, I'm having a rainbow. The shit I'm about to talk about,

it's just, I was like, fuck you, fuck it. Fuck it, is this it? And it kind of, that whole night, it was hot. It was quarter one in the morning. I was there at fucking quarter at 10. It was like this long night, and I saw the crowd just go, wooooong, like hit a wall at some point. I had to follow Doug Benson and Gary Galman,

and then it was like, you know, that's a fucking order. You know, those guys, I don't give a fuck, he's, Gary's a hammer. Yeah. You know what I mean? And we were kind of pep talking each other back like, because we both go to the same therapist. You know, I'm trying to be as though,

you just do what you do with Gary. It's good. And he's like, yeah, it's you do the same. Yeah. It was, yeah, it was fucking crazy. I don't even know. Like, when you ever walk up stage and you're like, I don't know what just When you ever walk up stage, you're like,

I don't know what just happened. It's like a fight. We like, did I do good? Was it good? That's how I felt that Friday night. I got off stage and they're like, some of the guys were going to do a great set and I was like, was it?

Yeah. Because I was making fun of the fact that it was so fucking early in the morning. And I was like, making fun of the, hey, come do a festival. You got a 6am spot. So if you can keep it clean, and you're going to go on after 48 comedians

That's why you I mean I had a blast though the guys from the syndicate the guys from laugh button But you know I think Matt mad from the laugh button got mad at me which kind of flipped me out too What do you mean? I think he really got mad because I was fucking fucking with you What then when you were doing the interviews? What he was doing interviews the guy from a radio show is like here you do the interview So he was doing the interview, but he sucked at the interviews. The guy from a radio show was like, here, you do the interviews. So he was doing the interview, but he sucked at the interview. I was awful.

Yeah, he was just going, hey, home. And I was like, give me the fucking mic. And which was really funny that you did that. And that's kind of made it into a bit. Yeah, the macco, who I love, Matt. But he goes,

Jesus, let him do his thing. Why do you get a, why do you get to always have the limelight or something? Yeah, but I don't think he knew that we were, like, it was where I'm bored. I know, but still that fucks your, but I don't think he knew that we were, like, it was we're all on board. I know, but still that fuck sure, when you, you know what I mean? He's like, what are you gonna,

what are you gonna fuck and do that for? They let it down like he's a fan of you and he thought like I was bullying you. Yeah, it's like, because I don't think he heard me say, why don't you come to the interview, Bob? Because I said that, because you stink and I go, you don't even-

It doesn't matter if he heard it or not. It's just me and you are friends with comics and we're making fun fun yeah I'm gonna throw you under the bus I'm making it stupid you know now I was like oh Jesus the guy the guy you know the guy it's like you got weird yeah that was all weird I got a little fucking weird man I mean but I mean I had a blast those guys treated and I really had a good I had a good time over the week. I just, you know, out of the four shows,

the three shows that I did, one of them was like, ooh. Yeah, no, I mean, the show, everybody was like, oh, it was great, but it wasn't the, it was a little weird, a little fucking weird. I mean, I had a great time the night before me and Gull, we're hanging out with Chris and everybody from Laugh button and the Syndicate was fucking awesome. The next day, we went to lunch. I got some fucking crazy swag

crazy swag I mean swag you got your band swag get your bandalier Ragi I got I got some cool stuff. What'd you get? From the guys from the laugh button in the syndicate. Oh, they fucking ho- I've- Those guys hooked us up, like I've never- They gave us a bag of electronics. They gave, first of all, we're gonna sweep right into Tech Talk right now. Tech Talk with Bobby and Dan.

I didn't, not yet, don't. Okay, fine. I'm gonna jump to more. I'm gonna jump to more. I'm gonna jump to more. I'm gonna jump to more. I'm gonna jump to more. I'm gonna jump to more. I'm gonna jump to more. I'm gonna jump to more. I'm gonna jump to more. I'm gonna jump to more. I'm gonna jump to more. I Wanted I brought up airplanes anyways, we're gonna. He's a fucking

He had no nothing protect. He brought a flight. He goes flight fucking asshole. It's an airplane I almost said all the redden bocker I start the guys who did flight We're not gonna do with text on right now. We're gonna do it at the end But they gave us this crazy bag of holy shit cool like not just a hat with that little metal buckle on the back You know that Aspen gave you a local anthspan. Here's the mitten one Then big J wears it every week cuts the fingers off it But yeah, they gave us fucking Yeti microphone

Which is right behind me see that oh wow That looks amazing. It's a letterman's microphone. It's it's actually a fight if you're gonna do a podcast by yourself Or with a couple people and you don't want to you want to do all this shit It just get one of those you just plug it into your computer you hit fucking record and it picks up everybody It's a great fucking. that's what I used to do my shit on after I did it on my iPhone. They gave us that, they gave us, there's another 200 microphone you're using that,

a blue, 200, that's a blue Yeti, these are two, I got the member of the gold microphone, that's what you're talking on, kid. I gave you the gold microphone, son. Nice. You know what, that one looks pretty gold too. Yeah, there's two gold, you get get to 100 what do I get 100? I knew I was talking on a hundred this all time. I would have left

Is insulting. I'm sorry. You get work your way up You're up swing. Yeah, you didn't get the red. I created SERP You did which by the way is my answer to call back to it every time we talk about anything like So yeah, they gave us what they gave us these things too Did you get one of these? That's what I'm gonna talk about for what how can you I am we'll both talk about it Okay, so we'll protect talk. I guess we'll both do it about it I know you've got so much technology. I had very little that was my one piece of that show We did get a lot of stuff blue microphone hook to stop and Syndicate and laugh button live hook does the fuck off jack Jack what Jack Jack Jack pick Jack picks Jack riffs Jack yeah

What tracks Jack tracks. What they sponsored us as well. What they do they they were on the bag They gave us stuff. What they do? They were on the bag. They gave us stuff? What did they give you? I don't know. I just messed their name up during the show. It's right on the bag. Right there. Grab that bag where it says the syndicate.

What did you get something I didn't get? See, corporate Dan. You got something, Dan. What'd you get? What'd you get? I got nothing. I got the same bag that you got. I'm just saying,

I got a microphone. No. What'd you get? I got the YETTI you get a microphone? No. What'd you get? I got the Yedi and... What else? I got the... What else? Don't lie, you fuckers.

I got a Gotham shirt. Okay, what else? And I got the microphone. And what else? And that's it. That's it? You didn't get the new camcorder incidental. I don't even know what that is.

You got that? I just made that up. Okay. Thank you. The Jack Prince. Jack Prince. I screwed up the name what that is. You got that? I just made that up. Okay. The Jack Prince. Jack Prince. I screwed up the name during the show. Whatever. Call them Jack Tracks.

Jack Tracks. And when you guys... Maybe it could change the Jack Tracks. Sounds catchy. I don't know, but he was not happy. Who was Jack now? Jack Prince. Oh, really?

Oh, no. Oh, you screwed it up at the real show. Yeah, I was going to say all the mentions. All the mentions? I think he's the worst host. They gave a list of shit to say and he was just repeating it backstage. I like to think the syndicate Jack France check prints. But I nailed everything

else. Lapsdub.com, laugh button, the syndicate, Gotham Comedy Club. Lapsdub hooked us up. Yeah, they did. Lapsdub gave us these. Yeah, so we're gonna we really gonna I can't wait to know what these things are. We're gonna do we're gonna do we're gonna do Tech Talk. Do you have anything for Tech Talk? I have a blackberry You don't have any anything do you know any technology that you have at y'all's that you like? You don't have it here. You just talk about

I talk about basic I went basic last week Boston Joe the truth legal. That's a fucking light bulb is in flight. Two different things. Flight is not basic. Airplane. I would airplane. Did you go airplane? I said airplane asshole.

You're not talking. You know what tech talk is. You shick tech. You can't just bring up fucking airplanes. Electricity. Yeah. That's what I do. The atom bomb.

Go fuck yourself. I'm trying to think of something now. It has to be something you own. Oh boy. We do it at the end anyways. Yeah, I mean, the festival was fun. At the time, I love the guy who was there. And I love, I mean, you know, Alice Chris and Matt

and, you know, what's your name too, from Gotham? Leanne? Leanne, yeah. Yeah, she's great. She really fucking took care of us. Yeah, man really was a big help. Yeah, it was a good time. We had a good barbecue.

Did you go to barbecue with us? No, I went to barbecue. I mean, I did the food thing the next four days. I think you weren't there yet. Yeah, I went there. She went there one day. Yeah, that sounds amazing to me. It was a really good time.

It was a bunch of really good food. It was a good festival. It's here it is. It's a really good time. A bunch of really good food. A lot of good festivals. It's here it is. It's different than Montreal comedy, it's comedy. They know here, even when Montreal, when just for laughs goes to like a blues festival like Ottawa, they do an hour show. That's it.

Because they know people are gonna be in it out. They know people are gonna leave. So when you're at, it was that mentality. I think I should have been in too. This is a music festival. This isn't about comedy, they're putting a comedy show on, so okay, it's not personal.

When someone gets up and leaves, it's not because you suck. I was doing a show with Ottawa Music Festival, and all of a sudden people started getting up and leaving, and I'm like, what the fuck did I do? And the guy goes, dude, sound guy's coming on in five minutes. I gotta go. I gotta go too.

I was like my right to my And another thing another thing and what about what's up with spoon man, huh? That's great song. So Yeah, so I get it, but it was it was definitely it was a little weird man I mean, you know it was a little fucking it wasn't you know You didn't you know when you walk off me like holy shit like you're expecting like you know people walk up to you Like oh my god, right that's what you wanted, know, people walk up to you and like, oh my god. Right. That's what you wanted.

But when people walked out to have say, hey man, I'm not seeing you. It's like, oh. Why are you looking at me? I felt like that right there. Yeah. That's what it felt like. Yeah.

That was the end of the show. Chris Alic doesn't even, Chris Alic doesn't even talk to you. He looks down. Yeah. He tries to take the bag back. Did I say I had a bag for everybody? He has all the split one. You see him matting in the closet, actually going through your bag and taking stuff out.

You get the t-shirt in the bag. All right, given the stuff that we showed him, not this. He doesn't need to know everything. He's like a gold bar coming out of the bag. I tell you, one thing that I wanted, I didn't get, oh my God, I'm never gonna get it either, from they had the Seagate thing. I don't know what that means. It's a hard drive company, they're amazing.

They went to the show, I met all the guys, they're kind of cool, they're actually really cool guys. It's a hard drive that's 500 gigabytes, but it has its own Wi-Fi. So like right now, I could take it on the road if we're all doing a a gig you have an iPhone Which you don't know or yeah, but you have an iPad and if you had an iPad and I have an iPhone we could all You could all hook up to it. Yeah, cuz it has some Wi-Fi connection and it has movies on it

Like I can put like all my porn and movies and This hard drive and up to eight people can Go into it at once. So you can watch a different movie than him and I can be watching porn and off this one little fucking device. That's pretty bad ass. But we all just watch the same porn though. And jerk each other off.

True record on one iPhone. Just put it on my belly. We all lie together. I'm just fucking real. Because you're speaking the truth. Can we really start that? I want to be the truth. I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, That is true. That is true. That is true. What do you want to hear next? Shopping cards. Oh. So we, yeah, they, I hooked up with, they were like, yeah, we're gonna, you know, get a boom, we got it, don't worry.

It's never gonna happen. It's never, you know, it's, it's, it's like, it's never gonna happen. I'm such a fucking addict too. I'm like, fiending. I'm fiending. Fiending? I'm fiend, dude, I have not stopped fucking addict too. I'm like, fiending. I'm fiending. Fiending? I'm fiend, dude.

I have not stopped thinking about it. I mean, just, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, anyways, this fucking thing, I hooked up with them, they came to the show and they were like, yeah, we're gonna say, do you want, I was like, yeah. And then I- You give them an address, did you actually give them an address? Cause now it's at the point, I feel like a fat chick. You know what I mean? It was there, I should have gave my, look, here's my address, you ship it, and it's on you. Now, like I even sent them a text yesterday.

Yeah, you did. I sent them a little, another text, I sent them a DM. Yeah. That's what the kids call it on Twitter. It's a direct message, I don't know. Oh, you know that text. I sent them a DM. That's that's what the kids called on Twitter. It's a direct message I know that I sent the actual C.G. guys a direct message. Hey, what was that thing again? Because I didn't and they and I was expecting all dude We're gonna send you on it was they just sent me a link to the product I love that that's like when I strike out with a girl that I texted with like

Hey, so this pretty crazy, right? She's like mm-hmm. Yeah That was like because we did the thing last week and I was like oh, we got something big to talk about and I was like It's not coming but anyways, but you know what? I got a ton of shit So you you're at that point. We look you got so much great shit You have to just shut your face a big fat tech baby and fucking be grateful. Yeah, but I'm a big fat baby I want to God damn C gate hard drive that has up to eight people that can get on and watch different movies Like not that I even you are a good boy. I don't have two friends to do that But if we do it, you invite people over to do it. I don't want to do it guys

We're having different movie nights. You come in and everybody gets a different device. Here's your galaxy. Here's your iPad. This is sitting on my phone. That's not fun. Anyways, it was a fun festival. You know, it was a good time. I'm glad you were there. It was, and Gellman was there. I fucking love Gellman.

I love hanging with him. We have such a good time. Me too. And uh, I still have, uh, this is a fun gay story. I still have the piece of paper that Gary wrote his phone number down when I met him back in no one or something. He's like, my idol. I don't like that I am not anything to you. Well, you are.

We never met, though. We just show it later. Yeah, that was like years later, You know, it was being a boy Anyways, dude man, it was it was good to have you on Joe. Yeah, that's for having me the truth list Joe the truth list Thanks to everybody. This is the best day in my life and yeah, well you came back on dude. I'd love to come back on Where do you get fucking Nate? We're getting on the fucking Get the fucking Nate was there for all the stories

and we're not gonna relive them if he comes on let me let me tell you my life is just I just wanted to you know feel I like to end strong really you have an alternative fucking comic podcast voice do I now I just just wanted to say those words together see if I can get about alternative fucking comic podcast voice. Do I? No, I just wanted to say those words together, see if I can get them out.

Alternative podcast comic voice. Nailed it. Thanks. Everybody just got tired. I could just see it in people's eyes. Well, the sun also went behind the cloud. It just got a little lighting change in here. Something just happened to this fucking podcast.

Cause I just felt the energy just died. I looked into monster voice. You have no, you just lost every fucking ounce of funny Just fell out of your body. Hey, that's not cool. Hey, I'm sorry fucking. I'm sorry. I took a side man I'm sorry. I've said something negative in a way I accept your apology and both of you are great. I hope you get her piece. Why would you ever fucking say something? We can do it right now. we can give him her be right now come on alright make this the best podcast you understand how

great that would be if we held him down and we rubbed your junk on his lips like we're starting a campfire you didn't have herpes though you just want to get blown by Dan. All right, man. So you come back on and you get your one-man show coming out in June. June 13th. Yeah. June 13th and what's your website? comedian joe list dot com comedian joe list dot com and Nothing we got nothing for me. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I'm gonna set up a tumbler this week. Yeah, that's what I have a tumbler It's a next podcast look out. Yeah You're gonna see you can have your own website

You can have your own podcast next week. No, I said website. I mean website. I wouldn't do that Dude, there's the energy just fucking fella. I'm trying to pick it up cranking it back up via volume Yeah You know you need a good sirp joke You have a notice when the sun goes behind the cloud mother fuckers get all tired Yeah, sleepy baby when you a dirt baby We're in an orange suit Shit all right well dance soda is gonna have a website next week make sure you check him out at Dan Soda on Twitter Go to riot cast.com join the riot. What's your Twitter Joe? Joe list comedy It's all jokes too. I never tweet at anyone or plug shows

You may fucking I don't have 20 grand here. What shows you gonna plug? He shows to plug you guys you guys you guys are in the neighborhood my neighborhood And he shows to plug you guys you guys are in the neighborhood my neighborhood So you just always jokes Joe list comedy. Yeah. Yeah, well, I think I mean some of them you know, I mean I mean now I know you're gonna fucking pull up my Twitter and be like you're not gonna plug this Hang on. Let's just fucking do that podcast when it comes out. Oh, I'm gonna plug I'll plug the podcast surely when it comes out. Oh, I'm gonna plug the podcast, surely. You just said you did. Yeah, you just said.

Well, I'm just, but some people have Twitter things where it's at this per, hey, what's up? Fucking suck my dick. And then some people it's like, check out my show and blah, blah, blah. And I'm gonna get it annoying. Yeah, I don't really, I changed my fucking Twitter.

I used to have fuck 140 until Dan made fun of me. Because I fucking hate it. 140 is the amount of Twitter followers I have. So, you know what mine says now, Dan? What? Are you really reading this shit? Go fuck yourself. All right, see, that's more you.

That's more me. I changed it up. I did, I changed it up. And now we're gonna look for, let's look for Mr. Mr. Where are you? Joe List Company. Yeah, let's see, you have him on there?

Yeah. What is the last thing he wrote? Let's deal with some of these jokes. Let's hear some. Here we go. Oh boy. Let's have... All right, Joe list, ready?

Here we go. Let's go through the back. And it's not all jokes. The first one I found is not even a joke. What is it? I would like... That's a joke. That's a joke. They're jokey things.

No. I'll give you some of my bestos. No, no, no, you don't get to do your own bestos. What do you mean? You're a fucking bestos. How do you spell your name again? LST, like Schindler's list, but funny. Hello.

Hello. Ah! You should tweet that. Ah. It's Joe L List comedy, right? How about this one? I spent more time reading and studying karaoke song books than I have the Bible.

Boom. It's entirely possible that I'm just at a game. Well, that's just, there's three that I'm at. It's odd in silly to me that there are gay people over the age of 25 who live in New York state but have not visited New York City. That's a good point. I was talking to some guy who's flirting with me.

He lives in like upstate, like three hours from New York. He's like, I've never been to the city. And I'm like, the gay capital is like 40 miles away. I got this one's actually really hilarious. I'm gonna start calling text messages testicles. Who's with me? Texticles. Come on, I mean, that's gold.

Test gold. Oh, I had Gary Gohm enough. I can retweeted a thing. The Chipp the chippendale still a thing dot dot dot I need a job dot dot dot and I'm horny I'm with this on the count of three everyone take their pants off Happy Come on, there's some real good ones. Oh, how about the one the picture of the kid? I just found this kid my living room. I'm freaking out. You need to get there's a picture. You need to get that one

picture of the kid I just found this kid in my living room I'm freaking out you need to get there's a picture you need to get that one. This is just you know this is the fucking work this is a nightmare for anybody. Somebody actually for read no just reading your fucking it's brutal. How funny is that picture I wrote this I just found this kid in my living room I'm freaking out. Yeah this is a nightmare. New York, New York, the city so nice. I just saw a girl throw up twice. Boo yeah.

How about this? Congrats, gentlemen. It's girl's sundress is getting blown up by the breeze season. Again, enjoy. I like that one. How about this one? Fun film fact, 100% of the punches

in the movie Midnight Run result in the character being knocked unconscious. That's just fun, true. You guys have no idea what Hardad is for me not to tweet exclusively about poop and boogers. I hope you appreciate it. That's kind of funny. That's not bad. That's not bad. See, so there you go. So it is mostly jokes. Yeah, it is. Thanks everybody. Boy, this is the best and worst of ever felt at the same time.

All right, listen, you guys have been great. Thank you for listening to another episode of... Uh, oh, come on, dude. Uh, uh, uh. You know what? Dude, podcast. Um, this has been an interesting one. We went a little longer than we usually have,

because I've been having people being like, dude, do long, you're man, and hour's not enough. I have to fucking drive to work and fucking. Oh. So we did it, we did an hour and a half. We did a fucking hour and a half, which is good. And we got a bunch of, I wanna thank Douglas Maloney, one the, he actually won the...

Yeah, I saw that on Twitter. Yeah, the cocksucker got the... Personalized poster. Personalized poster, so you will be getting a t-shirt a mug and a hat and one of my CDs and a dan soda CD. Actually, one of my CDs, do you have a CD? How about a Joe Lists CD? We don't have your CD.

All right, so. I got one in my bag, you can have it. Well, actually, really do you have one? Yeah, I've got a few of them. You carry around your CDs? I just did a show up state and sold all, but three them. I'm going to go to the broad five. Yeah leave them. I'll actually have it and then I'll listen to it and send it to Douglas. Oh I don't listen to it. It's the second hand one. We'll give you you're going to be sending that out to

you very shortly so I'm glad you won that. Mr. Norris I want to thank that coxucker. He actually sent me a training porn for Joe. I mean, old deal, I hope, Deroza. Old Joe, yeah. If we would send you, not Boston Joe. Yeah, we're gonna send you a skateboard. It's all shoes, it's all foot fetish and shit porn. Yeah. So we wanna thank you guys for donating,

and you guys have been donating again at riotcast.com. There's a donate button. You can donate a dollar you can donate a million dollars Or you can just say fuck you and listen for free because it will always be free. We appreciate you doing that Make sure you spread the word check out the merch page and Support our fucking live comedy come out and see if you guys have been doing Make sure you come up after the show to and let us know your fans of the podcast that you know what dude the YKWD Podcast you guys I'll talk to you later. Why don't you say you guys fucking nine times? I really try to be radio at the end like I'm a professional fucking radio guy. All right That's gonna conclude our show don't forget we got a ten thousand dollar dig giveaway with the kid in the dog tomorrow morning

Also, we got a if you got a Serb in studio Yeah, we got the the you got a Serpent studio. We got the the holly I'm really pushing the Serpent I'm down comic Serpent gonna be coming by you guys would listen to 99.2 the wolf. We'll see you guys tomorrow Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick Joey All right, we are here doing the people's favorite segment of the show Talk with Bobby and It's just not the same. It's not when Joe comes back. It'll be better He ever coming back is he sure he is Anyways, here we go

It's tech talk tech talk and we got a lot Tech Talk. And we got a lot of Tech Talk. Cause we got a lot of fucking tech. Yeah, but we're gonna do one piece today. Last week we did what? You did your Bandilear. It's not a fucking Bandilear. That's what it is. It's not a fucking Bandilear.

See it is. All right. You know what's the vault? Yeah it is. I want you to go. That's a Bandilear. All right, it's make sure you go to fuckingrunner.com or Google runner. Are you NNUR?

It's the bet. I fucking love this thing. I've been using it all week. I travel with it, went to the airport with it, on the train. It's, I guess it's a fucking bandelier, whatever. Yeah, you just set it. Shut up. So it is.

Alright, it's a fucking mix. You know, my wife called it a Girl Scout fucking. That's hilarious. She said I look like a fat Girl Scout with this on because it looks like the sash that the girl Girl Scouts have it goes over here shoulder took you have your phone you get your credit You get your pens you get your jokes. Yeah, your sunglasses some more shit. I got my water Oh, well you can put your keys down the bonnet's got another secret compartment in the back It's it's pretty cool. It's it's it's called runner

Are you and and you are? They come on a bunch of different colors make sure you check it out you put your ID up here So if you don't want to carry a fucking huge backpack around all right Just grab one of these things. They give it to me for free, which is awesome And they gave me one of these little wallets too Down the bottom go to the website email them, tell them you got the info from here and you know what to podcast, YKWD, and you want to check it out. You got one of these. Maybe they'll fucking say thank you to you, but this is

fucking great. But this week we're actually reviewing the same thing. We have Joe the Truth List. He only fucking speaks the truth man, and I actually have mine you don't have yours with you now I don't know how you to review something because I used it during the whole South by Southwest you did yeah I the battery's gone. I got to recharge it. I filmed my whole Southwest Southwest Southwest experience. Do you know what is what is it called Southwest Southwest experience South. Did you? Southwest Southwest Southwest Southwest X. South X X X X X X X X X X X. This is right now.

This is you know what it's called. It's called the bloggy. Yes. The Sony bloggy. It's called the bloggy. The Sony bloggy. It's a digital camera digital video camera. And it's really cool.

The cool thing I like about it is a lot of digital cameras if you want to do movies or go from movie to picture you have to like actually go change it in the settings or whatever. This you just hold it like a camera the top button next to the power takes a digital picture. Right. And then if you flip it up there's a record button in the middle you just hit that automatically goes to video. And another cool thing about this too I had the original bloggy was given to me which I think Joe de Rosa has now He asked a bar never give it back six months later. What are you gonna do?

He's on his fucking Kentucky fried chicken tour of the South Jesus doesn't exist man. Oh he does in your hearts. He does in your hearts But This is the duo. This is the number two. This is the second generation. And the thing that I like about this, and this was given us to us by alaftub.com. Alaftub.com, which I use on my website, my Husey page, are you last up.com? They're fucking great. They automatically put your dates up. If you sign up for alaftub.com, when your dates up. If you sign up for laughsub.com,

when your dates are put into these comedy clubs, they just go up on your website. You don't have to fucking do all that bullshit. Oh, that's great. I love laughsub. But they gave us these. And the reason why I like this one better than the first one is the front facing camera.

So because a lot of times, especially comics when you're doing video, you can't, you can only look through the back. And it's got this really cool landscape and vertical LCD screen on the back, but it's got one on the front so that you can fuck off and see what you're actually filming. You know what's so funny is? What is that?

I didn't learn how to use that front-facing thing. Really? I didn't even know that was the thing. What did you think it was for? I don't know. You didn't. That was something nifty. Nifty?

Sounds to me like maybe Dan hasn't even opened his yet and he's just full of shit. I have videos and I'll post them for self-by-self-wise. The truth has spoken. Well, the truth is wrong. The truth has spoken. The truth is false. I lie a ton, by the way.

Yeah, see, look. Or is it, oh, no. Oh, no, that's cool. I can see you. It looked terrible. And it has facial. Another great thing about this too, I don't know if you noticed this through all, you are fucking recording that you didn't do.

It has facial recognition. What do I mean? What do I mean is that when it catches a face, it goes on the actual, see the square block. Oh, yeah, I did notice that. Yeah, so that's facial recognition. So it actually finds the face and focuses it in and moves with you. You know what I called it? What's that? The Terminator aiming thing.

He's such a dead head. Yeah, that's what I called it. Because that's how I know it. But yeah, now you can actually, you can record yourself. Yeah. And we, let's record tech talk right now, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, heyb.com. You're listening to, you know what, dude podcasted, riotcast.com. I blew my wallet in that first one.

I got a hell of a thug. Yeah, this Sony, this Sony bloggy duo is actually fucking great, because now I can turn it on myself, and I, you know, I can actually see you, so I can make sure that I don't, you know Because if I go on to here like I would you I look look at that. It's just fucking awful Now I can just go up here and give that cool fat fucking guy the my space picture

Yeah, my space picture exactly all the fucking one eye The fat chick I'm so cute. Oh my god. She is the hottest I ever And he's lump a big tit in there. You meet her at a fucking denny's at three in the morning and fucking San Juan. Yeah. And find out she's a fucking fat Mexican chick. You want to get blown anyways? This is pretty accurate. Anyways, this is, oh, did I push the button?

No, this is from Lafestub.com. And it's doing the Terminator film thing. And it's the Sony bloggy duo duo two. And uh, so yeah, I love this fucking thing. So if you're gonna get a camera the one thing that does oh look I'm not gonna fucking lie just because they gave me one for free. Yeah, it's Sony Yeah, that's the one thing that fucking blows about why Well, I will say good stuff first. It has an HDMI fucking outlet so you can you can actually put this into, you can plug this into your TV and watch the stuff

on TV. HDMI, which is great. It's got the USB, like the flip cam had, but actually a little cooler than the old flip cam. It's got the on and off button, the camera button is really cool and it's also got the screw at the bottom to actually put it on a little mini-i-pods. There you go. There you go. So this, if you're going to record your sets, it's great. But screw at the bottom to actually put it on a little mini iPod. Yeah, it's all the sets. So this if you're gonna record your sets

it's great, but here's the problem with it. There's no I can't find an SD card in this mother. Either the one my problem is I don't like the fact that you it doesn't have a separate charger. It doesn't have a separate charger. What do you mean? Like you have to charge it through your computer. You have to know you can actually you can use the you can actually find an adapter and make it into a cord. But now you have to know you can actually, you can use the, you can actually find an adapter and make it into a court. But now you have to go get an adapter. That's fucking nine cents and radio chat. Is it nine cents? It's 19 cents. It's not that, well first of all, it's not that bad as my point is that it's not that fucking bad. You can

get a, you can buy the charger. You can buy a two-cent charger, then go buy a self-sign. You're fucking 19-10 prices. But there is, you have to probably use Sony's software. And once you plug this in, it'll Sony software. Which isn't that compatible with Matt, or it hasn't been in the past. I haven't done it yet, so I'm gonna check it out. But I really, I've had the old one that Joe has now. And I liked that this one is actually a little thicker

than the old one, but it does does more so I'm really digging this It's great for doing your sets too. So the Sony bloggy Do is is pretty hard. So thank you laughs stuff of getting this these and go check those out if you want to do a little video Recording of your family functions or your barbecues. Yeah, or maybe you want to look at it. Well somebody's getting married What is the good old-fashioned blowjob That way you could do the hey, look at me. I'd see where this going and then you don't have to fucking hope that you have the right camera angle Because you could see it on the front screen how you have you how great is it when you fucking record the blowjob? How hot is that but then when you're watching?

It looks like I just found my video of Max girlfriend blowing me from like three years ago three four years ago Really this is an honest question It looks like I just found my video of my ex-girlfriend blowing me from like three years ago, three, four years ago. Really? This is an honest question. Did you cry when you saw it? No, no, no. I was like, oh my god, I forgot about this because of my old phone. If you would have saw that a year and a half ago,

you would have cried seeing that, right? I probably just wouldn't have watched that at a PLSAT. So you really, you loved her that much? Oh, yeah, I was pretty well. Now you're in a show about it. So now you jerking off to it? Well, just that one time. But typically I jerk off to my current girlfriend

who I love very much. Who is a sweetheart? Oh, it's great. Does she have an Australian accent? No! Oh, fuck, are you shitheading? Oh, worse. Did you eat that chocolate, though?

What chocolate, yeah, I did. Oh, fuck, how good is that? She's a sweetie. And she's so cute. Yeah, she's adorable. Really, it was hard for me to have her at this house and that shower downstairs, me and you take it down there and fucking look up to the boy. Yeah, it was really, it was hard for me to have her at this house. And that shower downstairs, me and you take it out there and fucking look at it.

Anyway, sorry. That's Jack Dr. this week, SonyBloggy, laughstop.com, the syndicate and laugh button. Thank you so much for taking care of me and Dan, giving us some great shit. Next week, we're gonna do some blue microphone stuff. If you guys wanna do your podcast, you guys email me a lot about

podcasts. How do I do it? What's the hook up blah blah blah. We're going to hook you up. I'm going to teach you how to get that for under $200. Do your own podcast with some blue microphone stuff because they hook this up at the South by Southwest too. So next week And maybe somebody I'll do a C gate. Ooh! A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- You know we're dead We're this rock, we're this rock, we're this rock, we're dead You know we're dead We really is, we really, we really You know we're dead We're just breaking us together Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, lincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desperan.

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