Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Dark in the Person

Episode Date: October 20, 2014

Robert is joined by Dane Cook, Paul Virzi, Wil Sylvince, Truck Hudson, Chris Scopo and Deepu Gill.  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable, 33 grados. Buscas contenido gratis. I wanna be see. Pluto TV es el servicio de streaming gratuito con series como South Park o sensación de vivir. Descarga ya la aplicación en todos tus dispositivos. Pluto TV, ven a verlo sin pagar nunca. That was trying to keep it like a comic-catch. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and sometimes it's hilarious.

Sometimes it's intense. It's rubber-killing. Do you know what? I like it. I like it. There's no topics, no directions. But I love doing it. I like it.

That's the hug. Side. Go. Right. You know what's up man man? This is Will Silvins. I'm taking over Bobby Kelly's podcast because Bobby Kelly is taking a huge dump right now. A huge dump. He's on a diet called Shit It and Quit It. He basically tried to quit the shit that he's eating that's messing up his system and he shits it all out And it's gonna be a minute so we don't know how long he's gonna take but we grab a hand be healthy and and and better

So well said will till he get back Let's go on the moment to do who's here dammit You want to do a clockwise? God I know what he does clockwise kind of clockwise For slash it's your show will you do whatever you wanna do? We're gonna do for slash, this show. We're going this way. On my right, introduce yourself.

My name is Paul Versey, everybody. And this is my, what is this? My fourth appearance on this? This is fourth of 50, I. Fourth of the appearance on this. The last one was the, you know, the Bobby Tarkinian incident. Yeah. Bobby, what?

Bobby, uh. Bobby and Harry got into. Bobby, what? Bobby, uh, Bobby and Harry got into the shit. And I was, hold on, hold on. People listen to the show. They know what's going on, man. I'm putting shit right now. Now who's heavy?

Who's Bobby? Who's he? Who this? Harry works with Dante on the base fillup show. We had him in one. We had him in one night. Yeah, he's a community. He's a community.

He's good. He's good. He's wack. He's going. And then, and he's good. He's good. He's wack and then have you and who? And Bobby and Bobby oh Bobby Bobby Kelly Bobby. Yeah, okay, Bobby Kelly. You gotta say Bobby Kelly So I guess so so what I like Prince Prince you can just say Prince Obamacel bomber right now you gotta say Bobby Kelly's whole name couldn't no one knows

Robert Bobby Kelly Robert and right right so you know on the show I guess when you say something that doesn't hit a joke you get the the pass or a hand and then the Hanky Chiefs so I'm sitting next to Harry and everything is common cool and Chey was here and then there was a kid from Cleveland Ramone Ram. And then there was another guy sitting next to you. It was me. It was me, it was Ramone, me, and I forget who it was. Oh, Ony, Ony Perez. Ony Habibisling-Pagrin. So he was sitting there, and I guess Harry said something

that didn't hit. So Bobby just tries to throw him the thing. And he was like, I'm not wearing it. You got to come over here and make me, and he totally had to actually wear it, I think. Oh, he thought he had to wear it. Like a dust hat. So he goes, you got to come over here and make me. And totally had to actually wear it, I think. Oh, he thought he had to wear it like a dust hat. So like a dust hat.

So he goes, you got to come here and make me and then Bobby's like, that just set Bobby up. You know what the funny is? Wait, wait, wait, he said like a threat. You got like, like, like, you have like, like, make me wear it. Yeah, like, yeah. On the wrong way, you come over here fat boy, like that, like, he had that, like that, but like that. Yeah, yeah. But like, it had that kind of tone.

That tone. And he, and he, because he was like, I don't want to say you humiliated with a fucking with a rag on my To some just happen with this I love it you a little bit. Oh, you will out yeah Yeah, so so you talk to black people would laugh so Bobby so Bobby was like what are you talking? He's like yeah, if you come over here and make me do it and it got really awkward and Bob is like Get the fuck out there, right? Yeah Bob is like get the fuck out With the funniest part about it was he talked about how he was like all relax and meditating in his life now and like two minutes later Kick the mouth just cuz he said he wouldn't wear the bad thing. He didn't end up kicking him out like it ended up kind of blowing

It ended up blowing over everything won't leave how I was like no, no, you don't understand it was like a misunderstanding I had read in leave and then it was just like you know what they kind of got cool again and then the show went on It got it shit got real awkward for like for like five to ten seconds I got real for like five to ten seconds where I was like oh shit. I'm gonna fight right now. What do you think Bobby Kelly would have done Bobby would have thrown some blows. Yeah, they saw Bobby. I definitely could see Bobby fighting Bobby scrap He could scrap I think so maybe not and he's getting older But I can I don't know about it 10 years ago I would have just taken it either. I think that that could have gotten ugly in here

I think this studio would have gotten real fuck yeah, the best was chase face chase face Which is like oh, he had grabbed the beard is like We're kind of just both like and then we just went and then we're just trying to get back on subject Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go to the punchline. What do you call that? The service board, the operator. What's the thing that people be talking about? The U-Stream. The U-Stream. Chatwoman, chatwoman, why I said.

Yeah. I want people to say, do you think Bobby will scrap, yes and no? And chat right now on the punchline. Why keep saying punchline? On the chatroom. I don't. What do you want me to say? Whether they think Bobby can scrap or not.

Yeah, thank you for translating that. No problem. That's my translated. Adrian, is it Adrian of the serious radio, by the way? Can you finish with him? Tell you to, Bobby, do it at the end. I like it. Am I sure I like to do it at the top?

I'm just mentioning it to you Twitter and all the other. Okay. Yeah. All right, Paul Verzi. At Paul Verzi, that's V-I-R-Z-I, also Paul Verzi. I Verzi that's VIR Z.I. also Paul Verzi I'm Adrian. I don't I have Twitter anything. Are you serious? Nothing is this 2014 you ain't got nothing? No My space. Nope. I had a my space. I used to have it all. Yeah, the fuck who's got my space? I'm just saying just like why you in or you at home? Why are you doing everything?

Why are you all too good? He's off the fucking grid. Yeah, I don't want anybody to keep him tracking me. Why? Well, but they got all your information anyway. That's true. Yeah, I just, it was like when I was applying for jobs and internships, stuff like that, I cleared it all out.

And then, so you had stuff. Yeah, I used to. And then I realized once I got rid of it, I wasn't wasting nearly as much time. So now you just jerk off more? Yeah. I used my phone primarily to work off, I would say. No, my iPad actually.

I got an iPad. You just jerk off in your iPad? Not on it, but with it. What the fuck happened? Yeah, you went right into jerking off Will. You really, when all else fails, put your dick out. You don't have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, none of that shit. So how you meet women in person?

Yeah, that's not funny. He's going to old fashioned way. Like, you want to do some background checks on these holes. I hate meeting checks online though. I tried online. I can't stand it. I'd rather meet out and talk to you. I hear so many girls I met online and kind of find out there. Well you're a creep

They just kind of find their hole. Yeah, they try to play like they knock a hole in person I mean like on I mean like online dating. I don't like I don't like meeting on online dating stuff those sites It's it's kind of like weird to miss that is that is you know what it is I found with all my friends like I'm glad I'm married But all my friends who online date they always say good shit. There's a list of good shit But then at the end there's always that yeah, but with with the girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it reminds me of like Where they give us give us an example because some people out there just dumb like myself don't know what they're like They'll be like he'll be like no she was real cool. You know, we went to dinner The dinner was great. You know, we had a good conversation after the movie.

She understood the movie. She seemed smart. And then you're just waiting for it. And then it'll be something like, yeah, but I think, I think her mom's crazy. You know, then he lays on something that you're just like, I'll say, build it up. You know, my boy, he's cool.

You know, I love Bobby Kelly and all that. You're a butt. And then there's something. There's that butt comes in. And it reminded me of, like, you ever try to do a rescue foundation for a dog? You ever try to rescue a dog? right. And then there's something. There's that butt comes in. Yeah. And it reminded me of like, you ever try to do a rescue foundation for a dog? You ever try to rescue a dog? No, I get old.

Actually, rescue them out. I like them going to the house. No, no, no, no, like, like, like, go to one of those websites and it's like, you know, like, create escapes and then they'll have like a two-year-old boxer dog and they'll give a list. No, I never did something like that. Oh, that's just what it is. You know what, a rescue dog.

What? You know what, a rescue dog? Why? You know what I call a rescue dog? What? Explain to us. Because they're about to, if you don't get the dog in a couple of months, they're going to kill it. They're going to kill it. Yeah.

I think it is a rescue dog that he was like, like in a burning drill. A part that was drowning. No, he's about to get killed. But he's about to get killed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're rescuing him from the veterinarian What the hell and you said that we are like What the hell yo, what what is that?

You know I'm trying to say you don't speak your own language What are you talking about right now will I said that messed up man? That's messed up with they're gonna kill the dogs. Yeah, they killed a lot of a lot of no-kill shelters out there Yeah, you know they got shelters they got shelters where they call no kills no-kill shelter. I found a dog Not not rescue like yeah, it's just there's it's called a no-kill shelter Meaning a dog is just gonna ride it out like prison. How fucked up is this? I've just I've found a dog once I found a little black lab and They were like oh I called the cops and I'm like yeah, I have a dog

But I couldn't take care of it. So like yeah, we bring them to the no-kill places But we'll blast like all right, so I gave the cop came gave the dog and I found out like three days later They fucking take him to the one in Harlem where they kill them They lied to me the whole the time I would have took the dog if it was gonna be a kill I don't know I never if it was going to be a kill. The dog got killed. I don't know. I never found out what happened to him. I tried to find out.

But then they just, they never fucking, they were like, oh, we lost them in the system. Why do you keep the dog yourself? Because I'd have two dogs already. I couldn't bring a third one home. Kick one. Kick the weakest one out. One.

They should be more, you know what? They should be more upfront when you go to look for a dog, right? If they were like yo He's he's done in like 15 hours. We're gonna take him about back a kilo of sorts up to you and you're looking at a dog You know I go home with you dog. Oh, yeah, if I ever go I'm not gonna look at a dog You think I like this dog at 37 if they said they're gonna ship this dog out of the clock and he's gonna get put down

They're gonna euthanize him tonight and they're looking at me We don't think we know You deny me That they'll take a completely healthy dog or a dog and then they just put them down. So it's like you ever see like I You mean to kill them to kill them. Yeah, and then you the word you the nice That sounds so nice and like That's like yeah, no, what they use a wire and waste a good one like that People think like this. Well, it's more white people you the not I think and that's like, you know, maybe go cook his balls Oh, let's tell my thing is maybe they mean cook his balls or like you know

Yeah, that's new that's toenails like groom him so you know I sound Listen And it makes a kill it means to kill it's what they do with the horses and stuff too when they when they When they you know what a horse like breaks his leg and they can't it just doesn't it's too big to grow back They'll euthanize it right there. Yeah, we might actually that happened that a couple years back on Yeah on the on the on the turkey Derby went off and everybody you know We went to the track and we got some tickets to bet on the horse and my wife was into it and it was one was sucked As it was one female horse. Mm-hmm

It was one female horse going against the boys in this race. It was the feeling Yeah, it was a filly and she was fast as fuck and she kept up and she was like in second and right when everything right when they passed the finish. She blew up out their ankles or her ankles. She just she just collapsed and blew out her ankles and like everyone was like this. And they would like to on the track. The ambulance came and they utilized her on the track and the announcer came on and like people in the stands are crying.

My wife was just sitting on the couch crying because it was in too much pain and it can't go on it can't leave it can't They had to do it right there. So so but they blocked it off on the TV So if I say if I say I'm gonna get my gun and you know these fools Is that the same is that this can I say that now because that sound like I could get away with that no because I I Like I could get away with that no because I I humanize it's doing it. It's do it. Yeah, that's funny man That's funny, but but no, I think it's medically. I think the use the noises is is the like what are they called? Euthanate you still killing lethal injection. It's like basically you have there's a medical term for it It doesn't feel any it doesn't feel any pain. It just dies right there

Doesn't feel like well some some some good you shoot the person in right place. They won't feel no pain Where that be hilarious You just saw a bunch of gangsters loading up guns. We're about to utilize these So wait so go back to the rescue dog you're telling us a story. Yeah, no, so it's like, I think that that would be, like it seemed like that's how that, because when you go to a rescue foundation, and like if you're looking for a boxer dog, they'll say like, here's Rusty, and he's got a picture,

like a Facebook Rusty, the dog, right? Oh, yeah, I'd be like, and I'll be like, and you'll read about him, and I'll be like, Rusty's three years old. You mean like the Africans and Africa, the little kids, they have like, you know, they're basically, they're saying the couple say,

on ball art is doing good now, cause we've been five cents a month, looking at him now now. He got shoes and he got two balls of ice you Bolo is doing really good Thank you for your donation. So the same thing with dogs. Yeah, so you'll see a picture of Rusty That's something and it's hilarious because and then but then I'll start listening to his problems Which is hilarious because I'd be like you know what he's real loyal and fun But he's got a couple of rough goes I'm gonna like you know what he's real loyal and fun, but he's got a couple of rough goes Yeah, you know who's doing that right now Aaron Burke he went to go adopt the

No, no, no, he went to do a he went to go get a pit bull or a boxer Like that's what Aaron Bergs. I'm like shit, man. I just wrote that So he went to go get it the other day and like he did a benefit a charity benefit He was like hosting it and then they said yeah, oh your dog's ready, but it actually accidentally bit one of the trainers the other day He's like yeah, I'm good. I'm gonna get another one. Yeah, he's like I'm waiting got another one Yeah, I did Go ahead with the bit well you're fucking leading you the host right now. Yeah, I can't believe I let that go I should you deny that In the conversation just you deny the joke

No, it wasn't it wasn't even really a bit. I'm just kind of saying that like I The bit that I have was if they started to describe women you dated online like that. But like with the band with other females, can snap but with patience and love, you know, do that. They ain't gonna do that by dudes. Yeah, but they could be done, they could though. They could be like Jerry's real loyal, not that smart.

Not go away, doesn't like kids. Come quick, can you jump? But strays on the side. Yeah, he's got the tendency to go for long. He's got three kids. He came in our hairs. Yeah. But you know, is that your discretion if you want to continue with and joke with I'm going to utilize that bit right there. How about that? Wait, have you had your head gets shefax? Have you had you what's it called? Have you dated online before? Have you? I have it called? Have you dated online before?

Have you? I have dated online. Oh, you have, OK. I dated, I didn't work. I mean, I had two girls and by the way, mind you, I was smart way back then. I met this girl online and she sent me this picture. She looked like Janet Jackson, not even lying.

Trying a girl. She said, curly hair, hazel eyes, nice shape, pretty lips. I went to go meet her. I'm at Newark Penn Station. I'm voice-out me, Jersey. I took the pad change to Penn Station, to Penn Newark Penn Station. And every girl that looked like her, I'm like,

Sharon? Oh, that's nice. Sharon. I'll go walk out. Sharon, Sharon! I'll look away. You should be like crazy person. Yeah.

And I'm like, what the hell? So finally, I see this big girl coming. It would look like a black female, Bobbi Kelly, with a wig and walking. And I keep looking. I'm like, she's walking right towards me. I keep, I'm like, in my head, I'm like, this kid out there being a bitch. Did you send the picture of you to her? I have, no. I'm like she's walking right towards me. I keep I'm like, and my head might just get out to be the

picture of you to her. I have no I'm gonna tell you what happened. So she comes up. She said well at almost like we're over in slow motion. You my eyes. I wonder what the fuck bitch. What the what happened from the picture to now?

And I'm going to call her cars of mess. You what you you what in a car with her? She goes, I didn't drive. I took the train out there. I go in her car. There's french fries. There's days, days, days, days, um, uh, here we is. There's fingernails.

There's old clothes. The whole car, I'm, I'm like, did you get kicked out? Are you like to fight a crime scene in this French fries? Yeah, French fries. That's in the fucking ground. But maybe she got hungry. She needs them. No, this is the this French cross. You have French fire, bitch in the fucking ground. But maybe she got hungry. She needs them. No, this is the old French

fire and the floor. Oh, this was like this was hard. This was like I just ate. I was dirty as hell. This bunch of shit. I just the front five stick out of my head. Why is why is French fire on the floor of the

freaking car? Go to a house. Her freaking sister look like it basically looked like the picture that she said. I'm like, you send pictures to your sister bitch? So a good thing I put in the thing and before I met her, I said, look, listen, there's a chance I might have to go to work. Oh, that's a good out. You give it. That's a good out. Because my boy is like, yo, I'm an idiot on call. I, so I, I said, can I borrow your phone? This just went you I bought a house phone

This a while ago then Well, what could I I am myself a bother house phone called up and I'm talking on the phone like what right now? That's hilarious shit. Are you serious the phone start ringing? Oh my god Her no sister look about to see where the phone is. I'm like, I got the phone. I said, hey there, I think he hung up and then started ringing. She said, oh, I'm sorry. I said, yeah, get cut off. And that's hilarious.

And she said, you got the gun. I said, yep, I gotta go right now. As soon as I walked in, I said, can I make a phone call? Call my boss. It's that bad that you call your boss. Yeah, yeah, I need I need to go in right now, please for love of God And that was the online dating worst experience. I did I tried online dating recently the last like two or three months And I just it was it's too much work It's a lot of work, you know

Like the tender and you got to like talk to the girls and then you want to meet up with them I'm out doing spots every single night. What do you mean too much work? It's too much work. You gotta meet with them, you gotta have a drink with them. That's not gonna do it with regular bitches when you meet them in the pool. You gotta meet with them.

No, but you're already out though. You're, it's a lot of work just to try to get them to go meet you. The thing is, you gotta meet, you have to meet you. No one can send a, I'm not gonna bring them to the grizzly pair on a Tuesday. Oh no! That's a ball there, that's a bang at the ball. I'm, I want him to the grizzly pair on a Tuesday That's a bar there, let the man get the bar I want to concentrate on my spots, I'm not trying to talk to a girl

You have, you act like she's the audience member, hey look, you save a lot of money Yeah, but first off, free show But it's the grizzly pair, so it could go well or it could go terrible Look, look, look, two things, if you go well, you get some vagina footage Yeah, that's great It goes bad, it shows the hook act and she still stick with you when you when you ain't shit when your jokes are wet That's the bitch you keep you know, it's funny halfway through it like two jokes in you know Yeah, yeah, push you not like a fuck man

Yeah, and no and that's not it and she needs you on your white set then you tell you know You know what then you got to go Cause you can't deal with the bad. Yeah, but then you got all the other comics trying to hit on her half the time. Well, then that's another, that's another test, another test, dude. And she messed with those comics. Oh yeah.

Let her go. It saves you time instead of like messing with her for months and months and months and months and years. And then you find that she's a hoe. Oh my, I'm not trying to, she's a hoe that night or two years end of the relationship. I didn't spend all your money, all your freaking metro card transfers.

I got I got to call your grandma. She picked your rescue dog. You should use the ads are on the spot. You should use that. Hold on. This is this is a great way to meet women you these are little tests. Hey, they she could stay away from these comedians Well, where I'm going Louis CK's not going so I don't got to worry about that. I got to worry about fucking like that I mean I'm right girls to the show's all time

Yeah, I I told you that two weeks ago. I saw a girl that was going to meet up with you. I can't remember. Yeah, you had no other clue, but that she was black. She was black. Yeah, she's cute. Pretty. And that's it. Yeah, that's all I got. All right, this podcast is going down. Bobby, Bobby, because if you if you can hear this, why are you taking a dump? You're losing numbers as we speak I'm the worst host ever. This is what you get will people love you on the podcast. They love me as a sidekick Robin you're Robin I'm Robin when you go watch a movie who's who's a good sidekick in the movies?

I don't really like a sidekick actor. Samo Jackson. Would you go see a movie with Samo Jackson as a star? No, he's terrible as a star. He's terrible as a sidekick. He's better with that. In the Avengers, like in the Avengers. He's awesome. Awesome in the Avengers. He was awesome in that movie.

What's that movie with a girl was a nympho? Oh, black snake moan. Yeah, but yeah, don't say black. The way you sound. found a very racist black Black Black snake mooh yeah black snake mooh I never saw that movie was I'm gonna be about this never was he the star who was a star No, he was she was she was I they were kind of shared the leading role I guess yeah because it was more about it was about both their stories

I think yeah, but yeah, it was leading but the but I think it was more leading to our turn. Yeah, the promoters promoted to us. You know, so yeah, I'm gonna send the Jackson. Like a Steve Bouchemi. Who's that? Never leading man, but you're still a show. Who the hell's that? Steve Bouchemi. He's the guy from Borgon player. With the crazy eyes. Is he white? Black. He's white. He was Mr. Pink and reservoir dogs You see reservoir dog I see that was a long time ago. Yeah, you guys get any current references Oh shit, what was he in he was crazy eyes and Mr. D's big Lebowski all right all right here. Yes Oh, God What sit your fat ass First of all motherfucker

Why you are the all, I'm on the fucker. Why you on the fuck? Because I'm fat. I bought back up just in case you fuck with me. Back up. Back up. Come on man, motherfucker. You keep this motherfucker outside. Like he's freaking Louis C. K.

Or Chris Tucker. He's just a regular opener. I'll bring him. Fuck you, will. I said right there. Fuck you, will. He hid right there. Fuck you, see. He hid him behind the curtain like, I'll watch out now. All right, now he's there.

Yeah, I didn't know who he was bringing. It was Tensper a second. What's up, truck, how you doing? He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's Me and chocolate boys. No, I'm kidding, dude. I was fucking making fun of you shitty enthusiasm. Okay. Alright. The host is here. I apologize, Will. Yes, sir.

Let me just go with the awful little girl. Let me say, Will, I'll take a pause so I can breathe. Fucking hell, a breath from running up two stairs. Just last week, you smashed us about being late. I did. And in your friend's ass. Not us, you. I don't mean to call you fat, but when I'm mad at somebody I call the worst thing about them.

Out. Okay, so you have a speech impediment. Yeah, well you can't say that in argument. All right, listen, here's a deal. I apologize. I'm down here as a deceler. Not your apologies, okay, but last week with your power, when he apologized 16 times, I apologized 10 times,

it was not okay. Yeah, it's fine. I think it's fine. I think it's fine and I apologize. And you know what, you're back this week, so apparently it was fucking cool. And he's back this week, everybody's back. So the apology was accepted.

Stop trying to switch it, man. not trying to switch it. Huh? Why are you pointing at me like that? Listen, I was downstairs. Where are you going? Oh, okay. Yeah, we have interns for that. Yeah, my agents are in. Yeah, just that doopers got it. Let's say we got we got some people out. Get that. Who? Oh, he's coming up. Who? No way. He's at people out, get that. Who? Oh he's coming up? Who? No way.

He's at the center, right? Who? Who? Thank you. I'm coming up. I just opened the door. All right, so listen, here's the deal. Yeah.

Here's the deal, okay? I fucking apologize. I fucked up. I was at a 9, 8, 55, 8, 45 spot. Louis went on, did like 25 minutes, then the Apollo went on. I didn't get, I did eight minutes, and I came on. I came up, I apologize.

And I crushed with all new shit. Woo! Give us one joke, Daniel. Hold on, we'll be the judge. Give us the one new joke you say. I had a whole new bit that I talked about where we, you know, ask if you accidentally touch the man gently. Whoa!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Dude, move over there. Let him sit right there. Yeah, Dan, you're over there. What's up, dudes? This is a fucking crazy podcast. This one from this one from zevil to 60 60 a hundred

Let's out buddy Bobby Kelly came with double pod and then cook quick and save the show, right? We can save the show right right Don't put that on me man, and then what I'm not fucking bad either you guys are doing great Versus fucking top not show I wouldn't listen to this But listen, no, of course not Versus top notch got his own show hit show the verse the Versus fact I don't want to fuck it up. That's why I see effect Versus effect will you're on my show every fucking week? What's your name again? You're on my show every fucking week. What's your name again?

To talk into the mic have you been on a talking to the microphone? Sure cuts talk into the microphone. No, you got to eat it motherfucker like you got to like this isn't like a You got to get in on it Well apparently you won't be bearing It's good having you this one time big motherfucker Hey, can we plug my new podcast? What you don't know It's called the abandoned babies. No you doubt I'll tell you what that is first of all the abandoned babies me and Dane all you guys know We started in an improv group called Al the monkeys. Yeah, I swear to God Al the monkeys and

At a point the other monkeys didn't want to fucking really They didn't really want to work as hard as me and Dane. They didn't want to do it for a living. So me and Dane broke off like the Beatles and we just started the abandoned babies, our own show. We had one show. Why are the abandoned babies? I don't know, dude.

We were fucking in a bit for it's going, what's a good name? I don't know, fucking, fucking sled dogs. I know. I'm gonna take a parachute. Yeah, abandon babies, dude, I like it. And then we went on stage one time. What was the skit we did?

It was Kermit the Frog. Meets Arnold Schwarzenegger. We're the No, no, no, no. Oh my God. We're in the attic of a Chinese food restaurant. Oh my God, it was so bad. That's the one you love me to.

Play Kermit. Yes. Kermit. Who was Kermit That's the one you love me to. Well played, Carmen. Yes. Flagged mask. Who was Carmen? You? You were Carmen. I was Carmen. I was Arnold, right? You were Arnold.

You could do a Carmen and person. And I think that, yeah, at the top, I could probably still do it. No, I'm not doing it. Try it, try it. No. Try it. I'm not doing it.

Hi, how are business, Carmen. You're fine. It's not that easy. It's not that easy. Yeah to eat Kermitie. Yeah, he killed it. I couldn't do mine. I see a ton of tumics. Uh, what is that? Hello, Comet.

Oh, my God. I'm the one who took the abandoned babies down. I stunk. What was the character that you used to do in my favorite woman character, woman voice? It was Helga Salkwater from Chelsea, Massachusetts. I have, I have my Pianny hose and my, what was it, the, the, the, the mullet fish from the bottom of the ocean.

I used to get a bucket and scoop it out of the Chelsea oba. But I always wanted to know where you came up with that name, Helga Sockwater. Dude, I don't fucking know what were we were 22 Try we were just improving trying to come up with funny shit. I know dude all we were doing was fucking doing shows I know look at us now. Well look at me Look at these assholes looking at me going. Yeah, he's right fuck all you. I need the shit We make a good point you you're with me will you're not of his team?

You're on the not making it too you did more shit than me to not make it That's fucking that makes fucking why does that make perfect sense? When the fuck did you become fucking sensible Yeah, you really are the only successful one in the room But I think Verzy still has time. He's gonna hope these two I like a success when I have an air conditioner blasting fucking Arctic air onto the nape of my back Do you want to move seats? No, I want to get sick over the course of 54 minutes I'm not know this air conditioner Ebola

Shit, are you doing a banner for Dane? I can make one yeah, yeah, make it fucking course. Yeah, we have new this is D. Poe not Dupu How's going everybody? He is talking to your microphone Dupu is his name screeching halt Wow, did you feel the energy just turned into after Thanksgiving dinner right there? Shit He did you guys meet You know we're talking about banners and HTML code all of a sudden huh? We're on a little role there He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he I mean like I'm I'm I'm ready to go man. So what's going on dude? You got a big big Show on that we see a new stuff. Yeah funny shit. Thanks man. Thank you working working new stuff I get the special Friday brand new special showtime showtime 10 o'clock Friday night and

You know I've been working on this thing man for like two years right my money put everything into it directed it years right my money put everything into it directed it that's the gold though right it is so you go on it is now when it's like you know it's somewhere and you're finally you know you sell it and you're like all right good but man it was like it was tricky usually you kind of partner up you're with somebody you're with like a corporate when they put in the money they own everything right and then you all you all you do is go on to make your money from the vote But right right get all the DVDs but the fact that you put all money in your own work is freaking amazing It is and it's but it's also a little you know, it's freaky man because it's done a four somebody Yes, don't think before somebody picks it up You're you know, you're just sitting there like rocking back and forth in the shower like

Please somebody buy this But I mean you'll take anybody like food network fuck it Anybody TV got channel what's during the fucking guy He's got the body I got the band of the hanky sheep. It's not a hanky chief stop saying hanky chief I know I like people is people's gonna call hanky chief, but I don't fucking like it. We're calling hanky It's not a hanky she's the I don't fucking like it. It's not a hangy sheath The hangy sheath doesn't exist. That's a rapper. What? Yeah, take it, take it, put the hangy sheath. You don't give it to him. He's too big, okay?

Listen, so what's the name of it though? Trouble maker. Trouble maker. Where are you gonna name for them? Double meaning the first of all a lot of the special for the special itself and a lot of the Material and a lot of the banter that I had with some of the people in the crowd that night I knew that it was gonna be like I was in a real fucking if I can use some Some scrabble work like I was in a prosnickety mood that night man I was in a I was like a little terse with people and so there was a real like back and forth that was like You know if you fucked with me that night I was gonna you know really take you down so a little

bit of troublemaker came from that a little bit came from the idea was to break up relationships with this special I wanted people to come in together and I honestly wanted some people to by the end of the show know that they were not meant to be together and it fucking worked people would come up to me after like working on the special up and two. I actually had a guy one time outside the lab factory. I pointed down during the show, I go,

I'm telling you right now I've been doing this long time. You guys are not meant to be together. I'm gonna tell you why tonight. I went through all these little steps. About midway through the show, they leave the show. And then a guy comes in from outside the valley, he goes, dude, you know that couple that you just told are never gonna be together again? And then he was a total douchebag. valley, he goes, dude, you know that couple that you just told are never gonna be together again

And then he was a total douchebag. Yeah, he goes he just hit her the police are coming right now. They arrested him He's like a voice relationship counselor. Yeah, you What the fuck? Yeah, so you're making guys your chicks. No, I did This is good. This is a way wise before the elevator. No, no, no, but the fact that he got Ray rights out is fucking only shit night for you. Oh, I'll take back down. I can see. Jangan Gichy, if I'm gonna fuck I swear to God. I've never heard the slow clap and with the same person

that started it. So this, this is, this is kind of and troublemaker because I think just like you know my my public kind of figure and the way people have an opinion of me either way I like playing into that shit you know you know me a long time it's like yeah I don't let I don't fight that I kind of let it the vitriol kind of do what it does. So it's a little bit of a ventr- vitriol. Deepu, what does that mean? It's a cock medicine. Find out deep, you're hard. I don't want to use an ice-jerk.

We didn't know what you were going to do. We didn't know what you were going to do. I really wish you did. I just found out what you'd been nice with. I hope so. I thought it was a cool last word that, you know, for dogs. Deepu just, they killed animals for ventr- I got a question. I got a question. Who said that? Who said that? that you know for dogs, people just they kill they kill animals from ventral.

Dan, I got a question. I got a question. I got a question. You said that. She said that. One second. Can you say it again? What did you want to say?

Vitual. What is it? I said, Vitual. Vitual. Vitual. Vitual. Vitual. I'm sorry, Verzy.

Go ahead. I just wanted to ask Dan because he said something because I know that sometimes you feel like this when you do sets on certain nights. Were you in that mood because of something that happened to know that sometimes you feel like this when you do sets on on certain nights. Were you in that mood because of something that happened to you that day or did you go in knowing you were going to be like was it a plan to say I'm not I'm going to kind of go after people if they do anything or just some happen that day or you was just your mood. Something happened that day because the Friday night show was a fucking disaster to be

honest. The Friday night show everything that could have gone wrong that I tried to you know I you know I'm paying for this whole thing. So I rent the room two nights in a row, Friday Saturday, and I think, I'm gonna have two great shows to cut netted from. But the Friday Night Show was honestly like a disaster, and about five minutes into the set, I mean, my head, I'm like, this sucks. Why do you want stage? While I'm on stage.. It's a boss there. Why you want stage? While I'm on stage. You fuck these people around. I'm also directing in my head.

So I just wanted to be able to kind of just hit the set and go, but I'm like, you know what, no, this is all wrong. So I kind of let the set go. And then I did a version of the set, but with a little bit more like, I'm gonna go off on shit. If I see stuff happening, I'm not gonna worry so much about like, gotta capture that, you know, go off on shit. If I see stuff happening, I'm not gonna worry so much about like, gotta capture that, you know,

70 minutes. What happened was, then Saturday night show ended up being a great show, and I go to my editor, and he's like, dude, you wanna watch Friday night? I go, dude, delete it. I go, honestly, it's a kid in me. I go, I go, Friday night show is bad, and he goes, nah man, he goes, because Saturday I woke up

and I freaked out, dude. I woke up Saturday morning, and I'm like, if this is goes, because Saturday I woke up and I freaked out dude. I woke up Saturday morning and I'm like, if this is like last night, I have the most expensive home fucking video. That's like having a wedding video after you're divorced. Nobody's gonna wanna watch that fucking thing. Except for us. You don't have a fucking big head.

I'd love to go to your house and watch the Friday night. Just get some popcorn and fucking critique it. But you know what? It's so my editor is like, dude, you should watch it. And I'm like, why? And he's like something came out of you, man. And it's interesting. He goes, I think you really captured something

that you might want to use. So watch Friday. I would say like 70% of the performance is Friday. A lot of it is Friday, man. Yeah, because I let it all go. And then there's something in my eyes you've never seen from me captured in anything before with all the fucking shenanigans. And I kind of go around.

It's really big. I want to say something to you too, because no one said this to me yesterday. He said that Dane was on at the seller and I told him, I go, look, you're the last one, do whatever you want. And he was like, something happened. As soon as you knew that, as soon as you knew you had nothing, he said, you went into some fucking crazy zone and just annihilated, like fucking, like just drop the house. So technical, you could, you could have two specials. The sad day and Friday, if you got

70, but I used it. I know I do I there's other material that you know I'm gonna use as like bonus whatever down the road, but honestly it's even though there's still I'll say this Even though there's stuff in there that's not as funny as the stuff that like was like go to work on Saturday I use some of the stuff that was not as funny, but it's more fucking real and real and me and even though It's like a little bit off-kilter I like it even it's almost like the camera gets bumped at one point and it's like fuck it keep it All right, I don't care about perfect I'm about being a perfect set. I wanted to be a set where people go like I never seen him like that before so I think I got it

That's awesome and it comes out Friday night Friday night showtime showtime. Now showtime is really stepping up with comedy. Yeah. I mean, it used to be HBO was the only fucking comedy central HBO. That's it. And now it's Netflix. It's epic. It's showtime is putting out. I mean, they used to do, they do good specials, okay, specials, but now they're actually really, yeah, they really are. They used to do shit like full frontal comedy. And remember, they would like do kind of like weird gimmicky really yeah, they really are they should do shit like full frontal comedy and remember They would like do kind of like weird gimmicky. Yeah, they'd have like Headliners from back in the day, but they all had the same set Yeah, yeah, they just wheeled them in right after each other four people in one shows everyone do 20 minutes

Right or like weird feel like did you love Christian comedy? We got it. Yeah, come love Christian comedy we got yeah Christian comedy fucking hilarious. Yeah, I know it dude. I don't know No, dude. Yeah, it's not hilarious. It's not hilarious as far as Here's the reason why because you'll if you anytime there's a Christian show I watch it because you'll know some of the guys And you know they're not fucking Christian comics. Yeah. They just take their jokes and they literally just said, God's funny. Yeah, you know, I like Busy. Like, I wonder if you've got to get mad at me about Busy.

It's like, they just go into these, their regular bits. Yeah. But they just add God at the front of it. I did that on Barry Katz's sports show. I just said, yeah, I like sports. Yeah, my wife's crazy. They have a lot of them. I don't fucking have sports jokes.

Who has Jesus jokes except for three people? Have we talked about my favorite shows when you opened for me at a Christian college? Do you remember when they came back and they were like, like a nun came back and told us the rules? Yeah. And I'm standing next to Bobby and I'm like, I'm not listening to her. I'm just looking at Bobby. Like, are you listening to her?

Yeah. Because I know Bobby how you get. So they were like, don't use the Lord's name in vain. Yeah. Or it's over. The show is over. And don't swear or it's over. And they were like none adamant.

Like really a lot of vitriol. I was sexual content. If you give me a fucking, if you tell me what it is and I know, I can work around it. If you give me a fucking, if you tell me what it is and I know, I can work around it if you give me a couple, my brain, it's like when you do radio. If in between, when I step into a radio station, if they're going fucking, mother fucking, fuck, I will say fuck on the air.

I cannot say, I can't be that way off air and then go on air and expect to shut it down. So I really just don't swear when I'm going to do radio. But do you remember what you did on this particular night? Yeah it down. So I really just don't swear when I'm going to do radio. But do you remember what you did on this particular night? Yeah, I remember because I was fucking panicking and let's remember this too, fucking ass face. I know where you going.

I'm backstage. Backstage with a fucking orchestra of instruments. Behind the curtain. So now I'm nervous because, you know, first of all, nobody knows me. I'm on, which is fucking a lot of my shows, still, right? I go on, I'm fucking nervous, I can't swear, I can't use the Lord's name in vain.

And then I started hearing a fucking, an ood. And what was that fucking, a xylophone? I took the xylophone on a pause, I just went, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Why was I say yeah? I do like the NBC I think So so and the crowds fucking love in that I'm doing mediocre like I'm struggling So then all of a sudden I get a laugh something happens and I went oh shit Fuck Jesus God like that you went shit Fuck Jesus God like that you went shit fuck Jesus Christ. Yeah, that's what I said it was fucking over Good I heard I heard Whatever the crowd was when you came?

They looked, the crowd was fine. It was this, I saw the fucking evil shadow in the background and the shadow was gone. You know what I mean? It's like auditioning for SD. You know, the end of your set, if she's not there, you're like, I'm fucked. You know what I see to be?

They're like, leave the veils on Tuesday. If you come out and she's just gone, if you look up halfway through your set and you get sweat coming in your eye and she's just not in the hallway, it was followed by the light. I've got a lot of trouble with that. I've done shows with Tracy Morgan, man. I had some of the greatest fucking shows ever with Tracy Morgan where they literally had to sign a contract. You cannot be dirty. Me, him, remember David Edwards? Remember that fucking crazy motherfucker?

So I'm like, Eddie Mussel. Yeah, he was the guy who got kicked off of real world, first real world for pulling the blankets off that other chick. Yeah, he was in hell, yeah. I did not have paint. And he was sucked in for some, yeah. He was in the face by some of my own real world, too.

He got spitting them out. Yup, yeah, he did. And we were on tour with him. He was fucking nuts, but me and him had to do 20 minutes. So we were like, yeah, and Tracy came out and said, yo, we got to go together. We're artists. I'm like, dude, I need the fucking money.

Don't fuck yourself with your art. I'm cleaning it up for fucking money. You know what I mean? So he went up and killed. I went up and killed. Tracy went up and was like, you know, he's trying. And he just bombing and then all of a sudden it's like, yo man, you ever fuck a chicken to kidney? Oh.

Please go nuts. Yeah. Please go nuts. They're like, yeah, kidney fucking jokes. I wiped the blood on the crew, right? Who fucked up my crew? Dude, I'm fucking dying. Obviously, you see this black lady.

She had to be like, a feet tall, black dress, belt, fucking from, you know, the fucking 60s. She had buckles shoes, like a pilgrim. Click, click, walk across a basketball. Click, click, click, click, click, click. Comes over the kid, running the kid. Literally, he has the checks and the envelopes over his head. And he slides down the wall

She grabs the checks rips them up and walks away just gone. He comes off. He goes that wasn't bad, right? La 10 grand fucking 10 Fowls and long grand I didn't he did. Oh, what do you have the mind fucking make it then? That's the weekend. I fucking I got a blowjump from the fattest black chick I've ever been with them. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. She was a fat, she was fat. Wait, I'm sorry, fat chick. Do I say she's blank? What do you call her a newbie in Princess? She wasn't a fat chick. Thank you, dang. Why do I have to call? All right, then the fatest newbie in Princess I've ever seen. She was great though. She gave me head and she ate it all my Doritos.

Was a head quail? She was giving me head. No, she all my Doritos Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck?

Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck?

Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Where's the heck? Walmart, okay, can you, you've got a, if you're not going to talk on the mic, I don't know what to tell you. I'm wondering what you're not. You can't hear you. Get closer. Closer. Are you scavants? Is that why? What the fuck is scavants? You're gonna get a bowl of, are you, are you not, germ freak? I'm good. No, you're not. You can't hear me? I can hear you now. Stay right there. Can you hear you?

Yeah. All right, go back. Go back a little. See, now talk. Yeah. Can you hear you now? Yeah. No, you cannot hear me. He is really dumb. All right, okay. No, you got little, see, now talk. Can you hear you now? Yeah. No, you cannot hear you. He is really dumb. All right, no, you gotta get me up on the mic, buddy. Yeah, so that's great, man. I'm very excited. Here's the thing I like about this special,

and some people do this, and I'm thinking of doing this too for my next, I'm starting to rag it like maybe 10 minutes of my next hour that I wanna do. And almost like, I don't, a theme, like there's something that runs through the hour. You know what I mean? The Wizard of Oz.

You know, you know, you know, we change characters during the, you know, we, we, sometimes I feel cowardly. We know you do a special and it's just, you know, whatever, it's fucking funny from here and you go all over the fucking place. But there's sometimes you can, I'm thinking of, you know, doing a lot of stuff that, you know, whatever it's fucking funny from here and you go all over the fucking place Yep, but there's sometimes you can I'm thinking of you know doing a lot of stuff that you know uncomfortable things like that That make me uncomfortable or you know like I was telling you that joke about touching a man Something a little bit more personal. That's a one-man show. I don't think so though

I think I don't think so I think you can What the fun of one man show? I know one hour oneman show is the sad shit in your life. That's not funny Fucking comedy is you know the funniest shit. No, I think one man shows could be funny I mean some of them but a lot of them are morose I'm fucking you're worth a day Marose yes, it's like you know Yeah, that's what we do we act like we know It's a fucking podcast he says my. Maybe I can use it in a sentence

You are never gonna fucking say in a sentence Darkened from now on darkened the person. Yeah, I'm gonna be embodied by nature album Dan I want to go I'm gonna leave my own show nature album. I'm gonna leave my own channel. What the fuck? He just said dark in the person of os. No, it's a doctor Montrose. He's been my doctor said, a great no, Dr. Morose man. He's a person. No, no, it means dark in the person. Oh, God. Dr. Pussy. What? What is he saying? Dark? He what?

He's saying dark and depressing. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna use that. I'm gonna use that today. Yeah, you'd be like, man, I'm feeling really good. It's today, it's fucking 10 o'clock, we're gonna use it. What are you gonna fucking stop somebody on a bike? What? Yo, yo, yo, you look morose. What? Mothos. What? Mothos, what?

You know, docking and done and dressing. What? I'm being you, okay? Listen. All right, here's a deal being you, okay? I'm listening. Here's a deal. So you got your show coming out. Now, why did you go to show time? Why not, why not HBO?

Are they the only people that came to you? You want, why not Comedy Central? Why not the places that you've done it before? Because show time was the, they came to me and they said we want it as is. Right. And you don't have to change a thing. And that's all I wanted. The first person that came to me and they said we want it as is right and You don't have to change a thing and that's all I wanted the first person that said to me We will air it the way you wanted to air. Yeah, that's all I was interested in not only that but showtime

Financially came back. I made back what I put into it right I'm gonna make back you know made 50 bucks I made 50 That's fucking that's my rose I made $50, that's fucking nice. That's my rose. That's my rose, shit. That is some rose. That's Uber Marose. Say, Bobby, I just used it.

I love you so much, Will. I fucking love you. Shit. No, it was the best spot. I love Showtime. I like the way they promote shit. Yeah. And I thought it'd be a great new start because I did HBO.

I did that. I was psyched. I had a good run with Chris Alberg when he was there But when he left I kind of felt like you know, that's not my crew anymore. So show time. I love all those guys over there It's a great team and plus on Comedy Central They were the edit it and no time what is going to come out like well I talked to Comedy Central. I mean they they you know, they would have been a great spot to but showtime is you know showtime Showtime and I love what they're doing over there right now.

They got a lot of good shows on showtime. They, I mean, they get Ray Dunnevin. Ray Dunnevin's awesome. Yeah, Dunnevin. There's a Dunnevin. Dunnevin, Dunnevin. Ray Dunnevin. All right, sorry.

He closed your legs, you fucking wide-hipped ass. Sorry, this is a fucking, I don't know what he's, turning me on. This is great. I mean, I got my special coming out too. I'm so glad it's not coming out when yours is coming out. That's what I sucked. Yeah.

How great is that, man? Both of you know, you did yours independently as well, right? Yeah. It was, yeah, we did it. At the last minute, we decided to go independent and my manager's cervical. Yep. You know, it's scary for him because he had to step up

and you say, am I gonna, I'm gonna take a hit. Like I could take a hit on this money. And you know, I'm gonna take a hit financially too because I'm not hit on this money. And, you know, I'm gonna take a hit financially too, because I'm not gonna make money. And also, you know, I'm gonna be fucking selling these at the Tampa fucking side splitters to pay him back for like 13 years. And his poor kid doesn't go to college.

You know what I mean? Specials course. They cost some money. Yeah, man. Like six figures to get something put into, you know, to do it the right way. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, look, you could do it for less. There's absolutely you could do it. You could do it for, I know people have done it for 25 grand. It just depends on what you want done, you know. I did mine for 7,000 and it looked like it was $600. I didn't know it was that bad. I didn't think you were going that way. Yeah.

So morose. Yeah. I, well, I mean, look though, I didn't think you were going that way. Yeah. You're so morose. Yeah. I, well, I mean, look though, the greatest part, the great thing now that we don't, you don't need these people. And I think it's better for showtime, it's better for HBO, because when they do it, they have to spend all this money. They have to spend $250,000.

They have to do that. When you do it yourself, you don't have to do all that,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have to do that. When you do it yourself, you don't have to do all that. You can call in favors, you can have friends help out. You know, Sarpaka, we had Bobcat stepped in and did us a fucking solid and he's amazing. So, I mean, but that time, after you shoot it, to when somebody calls you back and says, yeah, we like it is is it sucks

It really sucks. I know about doing Kickstarter I thought about that. Yeah, I thought about that You were the guy's a lot of money on I think that's a great option I to me though. I kind of wanted to I might direct a film that I'm writing and I'd rather put money like that Yeah, the special I was like I know I can invest in my special. I know I can sell it. It's just a matter of like, can I capture it the way I want to? Once I did it, it was like, all right, cool.

Then the guy from Scrubs do that with a movie though, and he said he, as he, he did it, right? He started, he started to take photos. He got a lot of bullshit. He got a lot of bullshit, right? And he got a lot of bullshit, and he said he'd never do it again. What the, what the kickstarter,

he was five, yeah, they're mad that he a lot of bullshit and he said he'd never do it again. What the does is the kickstarter. He makes five mil. Yeah, they're mad that he has money already and he's on kickstarter. Well, who's mad? All the people, not the fans. The fans are one that gave him the money. That's all you care about.

You work for the fans, you don't work for the industry. The Hollywood was mad because I was like, I'm like, I'm a forget Hollywood. They want to own and control everything. By the way, you want to hire me Hollywood. I'm not so available. I mean it's still The fans the one that gave the money people who do not like Zack did not give him money and saying if you've exact it But here's my money and people who love him and what to see this work on nourishing flourish and happen

But nourishing flourish. Is that a t-shirt you're trying to push? Yo, yo, you want my nourishing flourish t-shirts? I'll be on the hallway. Oh, man. I feel a Norwegian floor today. I look, I understand, but it's part what I think we're trying to do is say, look, all my fans, let's do this together. Because you can't look at you can't just take 5 million out of your bank account and finance a film. Because you think that he has even even if he has, say, 10 million in the bank. That's a lot of fucking money. And if it flops, if it doesn't work, you really fucked yourself financially.

That's why you have to go to a studio. That's why you have to go to investors. Well, I think he also wanted to do it his way. He wrote it, directed, produced it. Yeah, they wanted to chop it up. They He wrote it, directed, produced it. The studios, they wanted to chop it up. They would put in different actors that would change it. And then they would just make it, you know, whatever they think is gonna make money.

When, like you said, you're special, you want to do it your way, and you want it to air the way you want it to air. That's why you went to showtime. Yeah. Same thing with Zach, he wanted to do it his way. Sometimes, as an artist, you don't want your work to be tampered with. I also think that just as comedians that, you know, even what Bobby's doing or myself, there's a few guys that I'm sure you guys have seen have done specials over the last couple of years or really, really, really things independently.

If you want to make a any kind of mark in comedy, especially now versus fucking viners and you two, all the other shit that people are looking at, the only way you're going to be able to really stand out is to not let a generic brand put a generic backdrop with a fucking purple splash and the same swoop and the same crowd shot, you have to think like a business person and that means brand yourself, whatever, if you wear fucking, whatever you wear shorts and you know, whatever, you need to wear that for your fucking special, not the night where they say, no, you got to dress up a little bit tight, it's a little bit different. This fuck that you need to do it yourself. You need to start letting people know who you are, your voice.

Gabe and glass. Gabe and glass. Gabe and glass. You don't get second chances anymore because you used to get a second chance You could pop in a club and then maybe you do a couple tonight shows maybe something pop something wouldn't no no no no now The minute they know you the minute they see you and they think they know what you're all about and online If you're not representing yourself online, which that used to be just for you But now the industry is savvy and they're on it you you will not get a second chance to recreate your integrity your

you will not get a second chance to recreate your integrity, your voice, you will not get a second shot. You need to be authentic from the fucking start now. He's talking to you, Will, specifically. Just you. He's talking just you. I'm concerned about you, Hollywood Goal. They said, don't come back. They said we've seen enough. That's the exact quote that was on my Reddit.

How am I Reddit? Is it Reddit? I don't fucking like it. I think you're right. Cause I wanted to do my thing, my own thing for two years, but we kept having to go to people because of, you know, whatever. I know my worth. I wasn't fucking famous enough for something like epics.

I mean, basically said, yeah, we don't do guys like you. We do the billbirds, the fucking gymnasse. Now, why do you think go the kickstarter well we we thought of that we absolutely thought of it but when we when we put when he put I mean gym is a really smart mother fucker he put it together mathematically and said I can do this you know what I mean he didn't just think it or estimate it or you know I've been doing that he mathematically, he did it in his head and he figured it out and he says, I think I can do this. And then it took a minute to pull the trigger and then when we did, I was personally like,

thank you, God. Because now I own my special. Exactly. I own my special with somebody that I am creatively involved with. We own this together. Yeah. You know, wherever it goes, I'm sure it's the right thing. Yeah, with us, we did something almost like a film.

You know, we picked the shots. He, you know, the place we did it at, he put his crew together and his guys that he trusted. So when, it's almost like putting up making a film together. And then when you're done, you're like, wow, this is ours. And we get to bring it to people and go, do you like it? But that time, like when you bring it to somebody, we did it at the Rhode Island Film Festival.

That was one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever done, is see my film in a theater in front of real people. That was fucked up. That was like weird. And then they put it in a 3,000-seat theater. I think 300 people showed up, which was like weird. And then they put it in a 3,000-seat theater. You know, like I think 300 people showed up, which was fucking awful. And then I'm sitting there and like old people were walking out. But the greatest part was people were cracking the fuck up. I was like,

wow, this is weird. Like people are actually laughing at me. It was kind of like... It's yours. It's all you. I really do stress that. And not to say that there't like, it's just, I don't like when it's formulaic and you know, it's like, hey, six guys are going to film this special tonight with the same backdrop and the same. I just, I don't know. I'd rather see some kind of, you know, tone or theme that's like unique to that performer. Even if you're a young performer and you're not like fully fleshed out, at least do something that's like you in a place that you like

to perform. They put you in a city, they're like, we're shooting them all in fucking mini and Apple is like, what? I've never been there. Yeah. No fucking clue how to make some like city laugh. I want to do in Boston. I want to do so it's like important that you, you know, you're at the end of your way. Do you feel like, don't you feel like networks in industry have as, they don't have as much power as they, like I think they're the weakest as far as power that they've ever been now. You know, I don't know. I mean, I'm putting out, you know, I'm gonna do my,

I mean, they're more afraid to take any chances. Yep, so there's less wiggle room for you. Gotcha. So it's tricky. So yeah, you're right, they don't have as much power because there's a lot of options now, but you'd be surprised, man, when you're in there, how much they want to control,

and they want to control more of like what, you know, what the residuals are later on. So it's kind of a, it's a slippery slope. But the bottom line is still money, how much money they spend, and how much money they get, and they want to put that as little and get in as much. That's why they freaking shoot 10 comics. Exactly.

And one background background same city A by flies and then it flies back out as supposed to do a real special right as opposed to like somebody working with you Or the way Bobby and Serpico worked or the way me and my team. It's like this the way I need to be filmed This is the way I look good. This is when I you know when I go back around I want yeah This is like this is the way the camera needs to find me. This is the way I need to like you know I don't like tight fucking everything here. I don't like crowd trucks at all. I don't go to the crowd I don't need to see anybody laughing. I know they're fucking laughing. You know they're laughing. Fuck that I wanted that like I was like I want to see I want to I wanted to say the joke and as I was saying it

Watch the person laugh because I never see that like I wanted to see me I didn't want to know that maybe that was a fucking other shot. Like that was a joke from somewhere else, because I've seen that in specials, where you know that motherfucker, they weren't laughing, now they're laughing, then they're not laughing.

It's like, what the fuck, how was that? It's because of the editing, they had to edit some fucking laugh. Like I have a shot where I'm literally saying the joke and the people laughing at the same exact time. That's the shot I wanted, but you're right. Like I remember they called me up. New it was like, you know, which I love Jack Vaughan,

and you know, he's a great guy, but they called me up. They were like, yeah, we want you to do it at the John J. Theater. I was like, absolutely not. I go, why? They're like, we want you to do it there. I'm like, well, we pick the theater.

We have, we have, we can't do it there, financial. I'm like, but why? And then I went, who else is there? And they were like Steve Burns is there the night before shooting his special like all right. I got it I got it I got it go. Yeah, I know I entered his crowd. Yeah, but I exactly You know you're your crowd to be yeah, but Bobby too these like I'm about to do my my debut comedy album this month Where where they were like I'm doing it Indianapolis right and they were like record company big comedy record company Said yeah, 50% so I had to talk to friends and they were like no, that's just across the board

What it is 50% and I'm like wait a minute. That's my content Yeah, and then you want to take if I do sell a hard copy which will be small You're gonna take 50% on the road that I'm take that up that I'm selling Yeah, and I'm like how is that and I talked to you know comedian friends confidence could be and they were like you can't you can't take that deal Right today you can't take 50% you can't give a comedy record company 50% of your fucking album. Okay, I'm gonna say I'm gonna say something I I went with comedy central the first time and They they kind of put me on the map a little bit the the publicity and the things that they did for me where I was Was good for me at that time.

Did I make money off of it? No, I made some, you know what I mean? So you're saying take the financial hit for the PR and people that go to you at the beginning? I don't not saying that, you have to make that choice yourself because your friends are right too. I think you can either roll the dice on you, Versi, and say, I'm gonna fucking make it,

and this album is gonna hit, may help me make it, or it's gonna be valuable later on a year from now or two years from now when I do pop, or you go, look, I'm gonna have them, I'm gonna have them be my partner right now, and they're gonna put me on Comedy Central, or wherever the fuck they're gonna put you, and they're gonna promote you,

and they're gonna spend all this money, and you're gonna be out there all of a sudden who's this guy to the people that don't know you and Say oh shit it was good for me because I had just the tip. I was on the front page Comedy Central I did things and all my I got 80,000 views on a video I did for the first day That's 80,000 people that saw me that didn't know the fuck I was right Well also you gotta be honest with yourself and no way you are in the game. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have another hour? 100% because you could spend this hour with them, but then do you have another hour when now when you've grown? Can you do it on your own? Or if you don't, this is all you

got. But if you if you look at it again, if we're gonna try to figure out some kind of formula, if you're a young artist and the same thing Comedy Central is really good to me coming up a premium blitz half hour comedy hour and But it was like okay, how can I springboard from them? Back on to me so you might you might be giving your first half hour to to those guys They're gonna get the exposure and then if you're gonna fucking work your ass off You'll get your new hour in the next year. It depends on what you are gonna do with what they've you know, you know You know, how they've exposed you quick

Example, yeah, I had a couple of specials on comedy central same things Bobby. I didn't get any money I got next to nothing I got like fucking dog biscuits It was like you know nothing and then I went to Houston and went to the loft stop. They had a dad I brought you know dad recorder down there. I really know what it was yeah record of those shows that was harmful of swallowed I edited it myself by sneaking into premiere radio with a buddy of mine who worked there on weekends. We edited together. He cut fucks out, because I said fuck nervously so much

that we sat a whole weekend and cut like 38 fucks out of that album. And just build it in with little laugh, gaps and stuff. I sold that shit out of my trunk and it shows whatever that we did for a year and a half. Then Jack Von Comedy Central trying to rebuild their album. The point is you do it on your own and if you fucking push it and you're really behind it and it's really your best don't do it if you're not ready to give your best that's the other thing.

That's the honest with you. If you're not fucking ready and there you can't do it. You're gonna have to go about it. You're here's a thing too. They had literally, it was, you know, opportunity meets preparation at your moment because you did all that shit behind the scenes. Jack Vaughn literally, he started comedy central records from nothing. This guy was in a band, had a, and said,

I wanna do, and then went and just handpicked five comics. You Greg Gerardo, Lewis Black, Mitch Hedberg, and one more, I forget who it was. And he goes, these are the comics I wanna start, comedy center records off of, and every single one of them just fucking exploded, especially you. And, you know, that's a moment in life.

But it's, look man, I was in the show with him, I did a bunch of shit with you. You think I'd fucking get at least what, 80,000 people. You know, the first night, I expected that. I, you know, it's where you have to know your worth, know where you are realistically. But also, you know what, dude? You know what, dude?

Fucking asshole. Are you plugging this show? You have to. Yeah. I'm record companies. They're good people. I'm the mic. They're good. Fuck shut up. Fuck off. No, good Eat the mic man, the mic They're good

Fuck shut up Fuck off No, you speak the fuck up, you fuck Record companies are good for only promotion Like if you wanted to promote it yourself, you would probably die You probably had nothing after that You know what I'm saying? Unless you like just gonna put all your money in it

Yeah It's almost pointless Like you're trying to promote yourself the whole time And you're not gonna make any money The record company's gonna put you out there just like he said they're gonna put your face all over the place That's why they take 50% Yeah, I'm signing a record deal before like if I try to put that record out myself. Yeah, I would be nothing You never heard the right nobody heard the record anyway, but I knew I knew my I knew I had more I had better shit at me too, bro like my first out. I did the same thing

He told me the Houston. What was the last stop? Yeah, remember the owner of that. Yeah, what was his name again? Pete, Pete. Yeah, he had a fucking scar down the back of his head from He had he got yeah, dude He got an accident and he had some mental illness and he was just a fucking like redneck Like yo, you won't get some fucking shotguns and we'd take you to shoot and guns you want to go kill hog and he owned the club. It was fucking not stayed. Yeah, he would set up our Xbox

after the last show on Saturday in the main room on the widescreen and you'd sit there and fucking play Xbox all night with this fucking redneck and he would get fucking plastered. And then you just pray to God, you didn't get die on the way home back. The whole thing. But yeah, I did the same thing. And it was, um, you know, it's fucking you. There was a lot of hot chicks down in that club.

Two. What's up about that for a second? I know we're all business here for a second. But I got a lot of. It was one of the, it was one of the fucking hot spots. What's this? This was the Houston last stop Where I built it. You some got some hot women, dude. Let me tell you something This was like tender before tender. It was just like you know every other girl swipe. Yep. Yep. Nope

And they were fucking they were Texas bitches and they they were fine And they also like to eat yeah, like you didn't have to worry about them Just want to go to a disco and have fucking bottle service. These bros wanted to fuck and eat fucking chicken fried steak. For fuck's sake. Yeah, I mean, yeah. But all right, listen dude, you are fucking great.

Thanks for coming in. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito.

Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito.

Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Bobito. Is this Friday? It's it it's on showtime. What time it's on at 10 o'clock? 10 o'clock this Friday night Yeah, and I'm gonna be fucking live tweeting and doing all that bullshit, you know at dinkook on Twitter and Wherever else you want to find me, but it's gonna be a big night. That's unbelievable. I can't wait to see it Thanks, man, troublemaker. It's a tank. What's it with Twitter at dinkook and Instagram at? You're kidding me. Yeah know he's got 30 million people

he doesn't need to more from me okay i got the dinkook you want to snapchat yeah you want to show each other shipics that's what i do it's not me and dancota just they said each other six second shit videos every day my favorite video uh... picture i ever sent you one time around the phone i was like dude you

get to see this is like i don't know something like really really beautiful like dude look at this view from the fucking Eiffel Tower And it was guy with half a face from a fucking train accident And I just listened to Bobby throw up on the fucking So fucking what he was like Throwing up you know why I'm probably in place nation Hi, thanks for stopping by you the best, man. This Friday night showtime at 10 o'clock, trouble maker, dank cook, make sure you check it out,

spread the word. We'll be right back. We're gonna do some, we're gonna take some pisses. We're going to music. We're gonna, what? Oh my god, I'm not bad. We're gonna do some ads and that's it, dead. All right, check it out.

Here's the listeners are winning huge cash prizes every week at DraftKings.com. And you can get your piece of the million dollars being awarded this week. One week fantasy football means no season long commitments play whenever you want. You got an injured player, no problem. It's like a new season every week. So you're never stuck with the same players. Pick your team in minutes and you could be on your way to winning instant cash.

So hurry up, get your free entry into Sunday's million, millions of events this weekend. We're a million bucks, holy crap, a million bucks and cash prizes is up for grabs. So head to draftkings.com now. Enter the code Kelly, that's K-E-L-L-L-Y, no E-Y. We weren't rich, we were fucking poor Kelly's. Enter the code word Kelly, K-E-L-L-L-L-Y,

to bar it, that bombed, okay, great, whatever guys, play for free, all right? So go to DraftKings.com, bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires, enter Kelly for a free entry now at DraftKings.com, bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires, Enter Kelly for a free entry now at DraftKings.com. That's DraftKings.com. Go now. We got Tweet.audio is one of the sponsors of the show we want to thank them. You guys want some great, great headphones. I got like five or six pairs. Always. I got a couple in my bag. I got one in my travel suitcase,

one in my car, I got one in my backpack, and I gave my wife one that she never fucking uses, but just in case someday she does. Tweakedaudio.com has amazing headphones. They're inexpensive, not cheap. They have Mike, non-Mike, a bunch of different colors and sizes and all this. So go to Tweakedaudio.com, enter the code word, what?

Dude. What? Dude. What? Dude. Code word, dude, for 33% off, free shipping, and a lifetime limited warranty, whatever that means. I don't know why it's limited.

How is it limited to their lifetime? Lifetime and limited. Right now, draftkings.com, use the code word, dude dude you get 33% off and great headphones and free shipping now What else what else do we got there scopo is that it? That's it. I We're back in two seconds I Nobody likes that one, huh? Sounds like no your intro sound like some fucking event is about to happen It's called my podcast It's fucking nuts.

It gets me like, like, like, hype. Like, you feel like you're like, you feel like doing a shit standing up. It's just like, you're listening to the great, like, I'm just like, holy shit, I think I am. Well, what do you want me to have? No, I know. I know.

I mean, maybe I'm just fucking bitter, because I don't have that. I have a guy that can do it. Fucking, you know who does it, right? You know, it does all my stuff, who I love. Troy Cwan from the O&A show. If you listen, here's a deal, real quick, I wanna get this out there. If you want, I get so many, there's a guy on Twitter,

there's a few guys on Twitter that always tweet me, Dude, what are you using technically to do your podcast? Yeah. If you, first of all, use Troy, Troy, Juan, if you want the songs, the sweepers, the endings, the openings, they all make the show great, especially if you're taking breaks like me. If you're doing an hour, you need an opening, you don't need a sweeper,

but you can have an opening and then anything. So go to Troy, Troy, Juan on Twitter, he's fucking insane, and he's very cheap. He, you know, he's, if it's expensive. He's inexpensive. He's fucking insane and he's very cheap. He's you know, he's expensive. He's inexpensive He's inexpensive very inexpensive, but also we I use zoom if you got a podcast if you have a podcast You're doing under six people one two three four five you're gonna use your iPhone you get a zoom Six eight six. That's it get Get your microphones, six microphones,

four microphones, how many people are gonna have on? Two microphones, get the Shore 58s. Get Shore 58s, mic cords, and a Zoom, 6H6, or 6H, what? Is that the best one, the best Zoom? The best thing to get for a podcast ever. That's it, you, anybody in the world can do a podcast, anywhere in the world, at a Starbucks on a fucking train,

get the Zoom H6. And why that, why that, it's just, it's this big, it's that big, I can literally do this show right now with this. How many microphones, little, little, little, little, six microphones. Six microphones, plug into the Zoom. Six microphones into the Zoom H6.

I, I bring it everywhere, when I go on the road, I bring it, I bring six microphones. That sounds like this. And you can be going to the shows. This is a Zoom, what I use in the studio is a Zoom R24, which is an 8 track, so because we have a shitload of stuff happening here. But on the road, you can just, you know.

What about to record shows? Is that good too? Or something less than that? What do you mean? To record your stand-up. You can use the you know, what about two record shows? Is that good too? Or something less, less than that? What do you mean? Two record your stand up. You can use the Zoom H shift, because it comes, it's the best part about it. The top of it, the reason why it does four mics,

but the top mic, which is a condenser microphone, which is great for doing ads and stuff, you know, like recording sets. You can just put it on a piano and it records, you can make a CD with it. But there's no video with it, right? No, no, you don't want that. I have that one.

It's not a... I've got no, they make one. They make that. I know, I literally took a bag home from the last week of thousands of dollars worth of shit that I've never used. I have the Zoom, Q, whatever. Where they make a Zoom audio, like it's competitive to audio video.

Yeah, it's a good,'s no you don't fucking want I mean if you're I don't record my sets is that gopove visually I do it. I just recorded my I'm sorry What is that gopove? And it's like no it's it's GoPro's smaller. It's bigger But the sound is better GoPro doesn't have good sound. Yeah, GoPro sounds sucks. Oh, yeah So it fucking blows but the the actual zoom recorder is the HD has a little mini screen like a like a GoPro. No, no, yeah. Well, yeah, something like that. I have all that. I found so many video cameras because I went on a I went on a video camera thing one year. I just bought every fucking video camera that came out. USB video cameras

and they all fucking blow. They just blow. Where they decent to a house right now? Yeah. What are they doing? Nothing, you want one? Yeah. What do you want? The best one you got. Wow. I'll take your second best.

Really? Do you want one? Seriously. Bobby, are you giving it away? Why are you screaming at me? You just hurt my ears, are you fucking? You're a Haitian Bob. What? Bobby, I don't like the way you fucking Bob on the beat You're about to tell it. Are you gonna give it to us? Yes, no, no storage rooms with just all new shit that you never used

Electronics like this. I want all your new shit Alright, should I relax? I'm not giving you anything now I'm not giving you anything now Look at one day I'll have a show where I give away But I it has to go scopo first because he's my second in command And I would he's a person coming I want you new shit What you you're by the end command first a command. I'll ask you a scopo

Can I just explain something to you what I've learned out of buying all these fucking video cameras your phone is the best yeah your phone now if you get an edgy teach microphone okay for 30 bucks off of Amazon plug it into your phone and it gives you a maze you can literally clip it onto your shirt running the wire and put your phone in your pocket you could record crystal clear fucking recording on you. I got a handheld Sony from 2005 what the fuck just as good it works just as good as they're all bullshit It's all terrible in the sound always sucks unless you have external like like you have to get cassette like eight millimeter tapes like mini I still got a walk it is we had a portable that machine millimeter tapes like mini I got a walk this we had a portable that machine

Get a mini disc You got a you got a Requireable for the graph, but I would rather I would rather do audio too just listen to my iPhone No, I phones better. I have a video online. I shot my iPhone. Perfect. Yeah, it's fine If you want to do videos a comic you just get a fucking a clamp. I bought a Tri-Pod iPhone tripod and a clamp, 15 bucks total. Yeah, but yeah, but here's the thing, no, if agent or manager says,

hey, I need a five minute key. Yeah, you do. You can't fucking be running around the city with cameras. You can do it, you just do your iPhone. Yeah, just your fucking iPhone. Does the iPhone pick up the sound? Yeah, yeah, it's good. You just snap my earphones and and

and I got a phone. Paul, you don't know how you got to know about the phones and the quality of the video. Paul, I shot my video from Lebedev live in the second tier and it's perfect quality. Yeah, do you guys know what this is? This is 8th. It's cheap to it.

At Lebedev. Yeah, test that. Yeah, I know, but I just did it myself. This is HD quality. iPhones now, even the iPhone 5S is HD quality. Samsung Galaxy S5 is HD quality as well. It's a no-expli- I got the 6 Plus. All right, don't wait. Put the microphone up.

Put the mic up a little bit. Did you get it the night it came out? Yeah, I got it. No, I couldn't because the Chinese ladies were taking up all the fucking, buying all the phones. All the Chinese ladies? No, because I bought the Chinese guys. They buy because they buy, so some Chinese guys buy them on the market. They buy two phones each.

Cash, and they don't even know what they're buying. They're sent there by the Chinese mob to buy these phones. How do you know this as a fact? They don't put this as a fuck there? They know they were Chinese. They're all Chinese. They're all Chinese.

They're fake. What the fuck, do they bring Korean Japanese? What are they fucking attire to Italians? They were Chinese, I know Chinese people. You don't know Chinese? Just go to buy Chinese food, there's no you know Chinese when you see a Chinese. You speak Mandarin mother first?

First of all, they had to put, the reason why there's a documentary you can watch online. They had to put Mandarin speaking Apple people in line, because these women, they didn't even know what the fuck they were buying. They knew key words. Like, I was here first. Like, there was a guy in line,

and he was like, hey, how long have you been here? I was here first. Like, she would just yell that over and over. Like, she was told to say that. This is in a marker. The reason why they did it is because, and it's totally legal, there's nothing Apple can do. Before you had to use a credit card, they would Apple would not take cash, and you had to sign up for a plan.

And then when the government said, go fuck yourself, that's illegal. You can't make people do that. You have to sell unlocked phones, and you have to, people can buy cash. People, some people don't have cash. Then they were like, fuck it. Now, because China doesn't approve, they have to, people can buy cash. People, some people don't have, then they will like fuck it now, because China doesn't approve, they have to approve the iPhone. So they don't have it. They just approve the iPhone 6. Okay, not the 6 plus.

So, they go and they buy it for 800 bucks, 900 bucks cash, two of them. And then they go and you go write the eBay, and people in China, or people on the streets will buy it, because they want it now for $14.500. They sure they double yeah, they just a business. So how to do that because I'm not paying out fuck I waited I waited a week No, no, no, no, no, you don't go on the buy iPhones

Because I don't I don't know I make good money at comedy. What the fuck? I don't have to fucking drive you know, you know, $2,000 not phone what? Why don't you have a falafel truck what the fuck? I don't have to shuckin' giants. You know, I know 2,000 hours an iPhone. What? Why don't you have a falafel truck? What the fuck? Exactly. Exactly. If I could edit it.

Then why don't you sell slushy ice? You're gonna be online anyway buying an iPhone. Just get another iPhone and so do I. I don't know. Hold on, he's a sweet. I'm not so mean. I just, I, could, I, I matched two words together to make one. I'm selling it on eBay.

You're gonna slow down. I can slow down. So there you go. I'm selling on eBay or sell it on eBay. That's the way you said it. Listen, so I'm not fucking just picking up a part-time job at all. All right. I was someone on 2020, there was a guy,

it's professional line shoppers. Yeah, they have 15, they have like $15,000 in our house. They're just standing in line for people. Yep. Yeah, you can hire hours. This guy was up to 37 hours or something like that, just standing in line. What is the math on that?

What is the math? At $15,000 an hour. Oh, that's fun. Plus they get money. And I would tap out, I'd be like, fuck this guy. Plus they get $1,000 for the cell phone. First you would get mad two hours in a bet money I'd be like fuck this guy Plus they get a thousand dollars for the cell phone Versus you would get mad two hours in a row I would be like fuck this guy

I would hold on hold on And then they got a thousand dollars before I And they got a thousand dollars for the just for standing in line Plus the fifteen dollars an hour standing in line I would think about the conversation he was having back home shit on me Standing online for him And I'd be like fuck this guy He's a fucking asshole.

You get mad about an argument that didn't happen. Yeah, I feel like he's out there telling his fucking wife that I'm the asshole out there. I would feel bad for the Chinese lady having to fuck a deal with Verzy. Listen to me. Oh, they're pissed. Oh, they're pissed.

Oh, they're pissed. Bitch, I'm not saying that. That's not what I'm talkin' about. Well, I'm talkin' I'll tell you. Oh, they're pissed. I was not pissed. Bitch, I'm not saying that. That's not what I'm talking about. Well, I'm trying to tell you, I'm not pissed. Listen, bitch, I said who made your hat. I'm pissed. Who made you hat? Why is she wearing hat?

I'm almost sure she made her hat. Ah, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Yeah, was that the Woodbury Commons too? You go up there and they have these fucking crazy deals on pocketbooks and you buy one, get one free because it's the outlets and they'll go up there

and buy them all. Just there's a line and they'll buy them all and they go and sell them. It's fucking accurate. I always see them when I drive home, the Apple store in midtown, the fifth avenue. Yeah. I always see him when I drive home, the Apple store in Midtown, the fifth avenue. Yeah.

I always see a whole line of just Chinese people standing outside. I was mad when I wasn't getting my phone because I wanted my fucking phone. And I love the whole Apple fair. I'm into that fucking nerd shit. I love when they come out and they start clapping and woo, and all everybody's like,

I love it all, I really really do and I was so sad because They have video of people coming out going on the first day and there's a bunch of old Chinese ladies sitting there smoking cigarettes like what the fuck But dude, I'm not walking somebody's dog either. I'm not doing that shit either I am why you get in the day job? Why are you getting a day job? Why? I'm just saying like, listen to things you won't do. Because somebody's doing that for somebody.

Because they have to do that. They got no jokes. So they have to go out and out and out and out. I literally thought I'd never say this in my life. He has a point. Will has a point. I mean, the picture that, you know, you got a shit job or someone says,

I'll give you $15 an hour to work at Starbucks. I'll give you $12 an hour to work at Starbucks. Well, $15 to sit in the line on your fucking phone for a couple of days and then the $1000 on top of that. So for three days work, you're gonna make a fucking ton of cash. Yeah, but this guy was an American who, 2020, so the fucking, the agent people

probably get like $4. Well, no, no, no, they're family, you know, the mob or whatever. Yeah, so yeah, I mean, they don't give a fuck. I mean, now that after the fact, I'm like, actually, all right, fucking, that's great. They found a loophole and they're fucking exposing it. So fuck you, fuck you and I got my phone.

So go fuck yourself. I don't give a shit anymore. I was pulling every listen, dude, I gotta thank all the people, the fans of like this show. Totally put a tweet out. Dude, I put a tweet out and I got like a few, I got one guy, Apple corporate.

This guy really tried it. He couldn't do shit for me. Like that's how un-fucking nobody I am. He couldn't even, I go could you say, like say, like I know people? He was like, nah dude, I got nothing. There was another guy, a friend of mine, you know, a guy of me and my friend on Twitter,

Joey, he tried to do shift for me, nothing. Nobody could do shift for me. And then I walked in one night to the Westchester mall. I said, can I get the phone? He went, yeah, that's it. That's how I got it. That's a nice fucking call. I don't understand how you could do that, man.

I really don't. It's a really nice mall. I don't understand how you could do that, man. I really don't. It's a really nice mall. The Westchester? Yes, it is. It is, awesome. It's like gold everywhere. What do you mean, you don't know? I could tell.

I just say, you got like people like you, I'm, listen, I'm not shitting on it, I just, I don't understand it. It's like, dude, I waited a couple weeks, you know, I waited a couple, I got the fucking five S in a year, I'm gonna get the six plus, and I don't care from the little, I mean, what the fuck am I doing? What do I need if, what am I doing? I don't need a year. I'm gonna get the six plus and I don't care from a little. I mean, what the fuck am I doing? What do I need? What am I doing?

I got my going. I got I got I got Gmail. I got a well. I got my Facebook. I got my you say you have a well. What the hell? A well. And he's and he's still pay for it because I kept I kept.

I can't you and Keith Robinson. Oh, I kept my a well because it was like with a DVD. It was it was all. All your people I have a shrink wrap in the druster. What's the other people are well had died? Dude, move on to Gmail. What is I said?

I got my Gmail. But I also have my a well because I'm old from all I'm not ever emailing nobody on a well. What is the a well theme? So what was the thing when you turned it on boom? I'm out of gun like boom boom boom. I just love this yellow motherfucker just running across the screen. It was like a yellow dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shit. I never had news on there. You guys are acting like fucking you none of you got a Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no first no we you say G. But the high well all your conversations you can't pick it up that way AOL yeah you know what

I have earth link motherfucker I don't yeah you try to hate hide is AOL with Gmail you try to hide it I got them both I had I had a Yahoo too I don't use that one either I got Yahoo Yahoo I had like four I got Yahoo Yahoo, I have unlimited Yahoo, Yahoo, I got it Yahoo, it's unlimited man

You never have to ever delete Yahoo, still around, a bunch of people still have Yahoo I got it on and off for Yahoo Man, Yahoo's way better than Gmail See that's the thing, oh like give a fuck about it Get in a message, I don't give a fuck where I'm getting it You know what I'm gonna fuck it? You know what I'm gonna fuck it?

You're literally, you know what you're gonna mess with you Listen, get rid of that, get your well Here's a deal, you're Frankie Aval you're You know you're listening get rid of that Here's a deal you're Frankie Avalon Okay, listen to me. We get it. I only fucked dude. I look at it once a day I get my fucking you want to call me call me on the house phone He's down just like that dude. What the fuck? I just like mobsters on a well. Yeah, listen dead the reason Love this and the old people. I love this fucking phone. I love it. It's the best thing I've ever fucking gone. I use it for everything. I don't

Convison what to get. I don't have to I don't use a ticket anymore. All my my tickets are on here. I Scan it at the fucking airport. My credit cards are on the back now. This week they're announcing your Simony they're asking the Apple Pay, which is actually better than a credit card, better than all this other bullshit, because every time you scan it, it comes up with a whole new number. So they can literally go and steal all the credit cards. It doesn't matter, because the next time you use this card,

it's another number. Can't this do all that, just for that. No, that's the iPhone 1S. No, that's the iPhone 1S. No, that's the iPhone. You fucking This is the iPhone 5s. This can't do everything you just said. I don't ask that No, you just the iPhone. No number hang on. I have I upgrade for that right hang on hang on listen Listen, it's going any phone after that. I depo can the 5s do this. Dupu not dupu. I'm gonna say yeah I'm gonna call you do you do me man. I think Paul's got a great point.

You might look bigger, but it's gonna do all the same shit. Can I call you Dupu? Yeah, you can call me like, whatever I want. I'm very disappointed in you, technically. You motherfucker. Okay, if anybody who's a fucking, are you a Nurban? Are you a Nurban? I'm not a Urban, but I'm a Nurban.

What's a Nurban? What's a Nurban? You're a Nurban. You're a Nurban. Yeah, you're not a Nurban. Yeah, he's a nirb And you know what's he's been a nirb in before like since when I started being a nirb He when he lived I don't know what the fuck you're talking about

Not a black. It's an urban nerd. Oh, okay. We can beat the shit out of motherfuckers, but we like a tech I build boba's before this job It's national boss. I just will build boba's before the job. It's national boba's. They just build boba's before the job. Oh, I think so. Do some boba's. I said roll, set up man, watch your mouth. I'm fucked with it, you're well.

I'm saying you can't happen. Yeah. Oh, man. So let's, I want to move on. Verzy, you got your special coming out. I want to talk about three things. We got your special, your CD being taped. Yeah. Nice special. Yeah. We got your special your your CD being taped. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

CD being taped. Yeah. We got will you got your project happening? My film festivals, NBC short films festival starting is it's happened. The finals going on next week at Los Angeles. Yeah. October 22nd at the DGA. Yeah. It's free to come in. Go to the site.

Um, NBC short film festival. Okay. I was going to talk about it. But if you want to just fucking plug it. Come in, go to the site, NBC, short film festival. Okay, I was gonna talk about it, but if you wanna just fucking plug it in the middle of the show. I was talking about it then. Well, I was gonna, I gotta go, I wanna go to, truck.

No, I know, truck, you have, you do a thing, you do a lot of videos yourself. You do a lot of your own, you produce those yourself or you with somebody? Nah, I do it all by myself. You do all of it by yourself. We have a green screen. I got a green screen in my house. In myself. You do all of it by yourself. We have a green screen? I got a green screen in my house.

In your best room. That's what's up. You have a house? Yes. Where do you have a fucking house? Fort Jefferson, New York. Really? Yes.

That's all the out there. Do you think black people don't have a house, is man? They had. That's how it felt. Yeah, I didn't think you were going to have a house. Do you have a house? I know, but I live next to one. That's not what I was saying, asshole.

I had a neighbor. I wasn't saying it. Because I didn't know truck at a house. That's all I just got a house. My first house, I'm 43. I didn't know you had a house. You're a young guy. Me and my wife together, yeah.

Okay, man, I didn't marry. You're married? Yeah, you're married. I a wife together. Yeah, we got okay, man I didn't marry Yeah, you're married. I got married man. Let's be honest. It's his wife's house You are a fucking you're a piece of shit. Well, you really are just a hunk of garbage for fucking I let me tell you something you just a piece of shit. Is it you watch house? No Absolutely not it's boba Let me tell you something you just the business shit is that you watch out no It's No truck I hate when people do that because I have a nice house and like I feel like I contribute and people like oh Yeah, false wise doing well

Before you got married where we live in that people said listen Where were you living at we had an apartment together? Okay, people we're a community, we got married, where were you living at? We had an apartment together. Okay. Now people are under a misconception that comedians, when we have a nice fucking set, a nice house in the suburbs, kids,

they have this thing where it's like, well, these are comedians, so they don't make, because they think you gotta have be a fucking movie star. Well, because you'll stand at your mirror. Here's, it's not that, it's because your wife works. That's what I'm trying to say. Your wife works. And my wife, my wife works. Your wife works so your wife holds it's you.

It's not like when, when, listen, it's stereotypical and I don't believe it, you know what I mean? But when a guy like my wife doesn't work, okay? Right. So, but because I'm a man. But the day gets. No, no, he said that. What he fucking did was. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He just said that.

You guys ain't shit cuz yo, I'm working. But I'm making my career so good that my wife don't have to work. No, no, no, can I just say something though, honestly, God. I had an apartment. I went in early. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not even my late 30s, my early 40s, we had the apartment,

which is a fucking house in the city. Right. Okay, that's just dead. It's just a smaller house. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, with my wife, so I get it. But when people think of a house, there's a guy who works in the wife stays home and has a fucking horse. And takes care of a horse. What's wrong with both parties contributing though? I don't think anything. I'm saying people say that. Dude, fuck that, when I come home with money, I'll give my wife $1,000, I keep $200 for myself.

Everything goes to the bill, because she does the bills. I'm not gonna lie, I don't do the bill. I don't fucking do the bill. That's what I'm saying. I'm not gonna lie. I don't do I don't fucking I'm not organized. I'm not organized. I don't I don't I don't know that I don't do any that I don't say I'm gay my wife's I'm just handed a fucking check put in your account If I did the bills we'd have four closures and repossessions, dude You know what I never have a hung a lot of shit for Marshalls

Yeah, I go I can't listen dude. I turn into my mother I can't go into Marshalls without buying something I go, I can't, listen dude, I turn into my mother. I can't go into Marshalls without buying something gotsy. If I see a little reg, a red fucking sticker that I'm like, I bought a dog bed today. That's what I'm saying. You have three dog beds. I have nine dog beds. I bought a new one because it was seven. How many dogs?

I have two. Your dog need a bed? Well, no, but it was seven bucks. Hey, I got a cat my cat got a bed to do Yeah, so I know that you know because I think that it's the job. It's the job You know you could wake up when you want to wait I can't because it because of my kids But I can't you know we go out at night and they think that going to a place that's either a club or a bar show or

night and they think that going to a place that's either a club or a bar show or people drinking and we grab a microphone and tell jokes. People are under this misconception. Oh, what you do, that's just fun. You just, and listen, it is fun. We love what we do, but it's fucking like running around a city, doing a, like a few spots a night, you know, getting that money, making sure, making sure that you're booked for not only the next week, but you're booked for the next month. You know, you're booked out, you're making sure that your manager's doing what he's doing, you're finding out what's going on. Agents, it's a lot,

but people think because we leave, and it's just a night job that it's like, oh, it's all fun, and that your partner's going to a nine to five with medical benefits, right? They have a structured life, and we don't, and that's the thing. But like, yeah, but the here's the thing too is like you know

Go on the road now. It's like you know Well, you know it's there's a lot of shit that happens you think that we just have in the blast You get a fucking get the gig you got a book to gig make sure that you get a book of flight Then when you got to go to the gig you're gonna make sure you're at the airport on time park Is it a cigar bar is it there the proper whiskey I want? Is there a good movie theater? That's what sucks, too. I got nothing else.

I got nothing else. I would love to do a cigar bar. Oh, dude, that's what I was just at the comedy connection in Rhode Island and the guy, the owner knew that I was coming and he knew that I like cigars. So I tweeted and he told me about this place. Sagar masters down in Rhode Island and the guy, the owner knew that I was coming and he knew that I like cigars, so he tweeted and he told me about this place, cigar masters down in Rhode Island and Providence. Dude, I do a show.

Great time. I go to this private fucking little nook leather chairs thing. I got a, I got a Davidoff, Nicaraguan. Yeah. Was the easy, easy. Dude, it was fucking, dude, I was sitting there. I had a fucking scotch. It sounds bad.

He's so happy. No, no, no, no, no scotch. It sounds bad, though. He's so happy. No, no, no, no, this is my dad. This is so happy. Yeah, this sounds like some Alec Baldwin would like. No, no, no. The guy who just did a comedy show. It's the best. Will you buy yourself?

No, my older brother came into town. Okay, add that into the mix. This is very lonely if it's just you. I actually got and smoked a cigar alone with a scotch. And as long as there's like a TV, but I gotta tell you, man, it's the best. I did the same thing. I smoked a cigar with like a whiskey with a scotch and as long as there's like a TV But I gotta tell you man, it's the best I did the same thing I was a guard with like a whiskier. I did this and just sit on a couch. I did the same thing and I did the same thing I was I did the same thing and at the same club except I went and got 50 wings with Lewis Gomez

I swear to God at bonehead the best wing place in the fucking world. Yeah, I was showed a no-no I smoked a cigar for the first time in July at a Punta Kanna Dominican Republic It was a Cuban. It made me queasy. I never smoked anything. Yeah, yeah, and the shit made me queasy I felt like throwing up. No, yeah, but that's the thing. It's it's kind of like you got to build up to it You gotta get it. It's a bad tasting. You gotta throw up a bunch of times It's like you gotta start love and here's and here crack. Then you move your way up. No, you got to go with the with the with the leaf. If the leaf is the lighter the leaf, the more mild.

So if you see us a guard, it kind of looks like dark, dark brown or like dark chocolate, then it's then it's it's harsher. So I started like, you know, Romeo and Julietta, just like a nice one. I started to get, but then when somebody says, Hey, you like to drink and I'm like, I have a couple mix that scotch with that cigar. They pair. So what do you smoke? Because people that are really into it like the aficionados that be like, oh, you smoke in a Davidoff, Nick Aragwin, get this single malt scotch. And then you fucking puff it and you drink over all the hot chicks in the chat room for then just left. Puff it and you drink over all the hot chicks in the chat room for Dane just left I give my check to my wife me too. I Smoked the guys I felt like a boss smoking it. I don't drink so

They didn't work so listen you got you got you I want to talk about nothing We have some questions too. Oh, yeah, what are these questions? Scopo has this thing he wants to try He brought up this suggestion. What do you what does his scope looks these questions? Skopo has this thing he wants to try. He brought up this suggestion. What does he, what does he, Skopo? He's got plenty of questions. Okay. There's a couple of life questions. A couple for you, Bobby. Okay, shit.

Well, let's, let's, let's add, let's go around the room. Let's ask Paul and then, and then Will and then truck will ask them some questions. Alright, let's go to this one and this one. Talk of the microphone though, because we're on a podcast We need to hear you okay. This one was this was a little bit guys All right, so he says his wife thinks he's a little crazy for having this can a little fetish now Recently he's got into taking photos and videos of his wife She's a mother of two kids and if they're having both kids her self-esteem on her images gone down

They argued about it a lot. Constantly, she feels she's ugly. He's saying she's hot. Porn doesn't do it for me since I watch porn. He's since he works at a porn shop. I've been more to sensitize and pulled out of the camera and started snipping pictures. I saw she felt better and her self-esteem was going up. So, like, post up. So I posted this. So you posted the photos of them online. What is this fucking get to the beat of it? I don't even know what you're saying. This is already killing me. What is this fucking question?

Women lose touch with the kink or fetish faster now because she's not into it anymore. They just passed a law. You can go to jail for snapping people's pictures and putting them up. No, this is his wife though. This is wife. Yeah, but she doesn't want it happening. No, she said it was all right. Oh, that's right. So he's taking pictures of naked putting his accent. He's accent. The women still get kinky or lose it as they get older as man get creepier and freakier. Do you have nothing to do with the question? I don't even know. Is that what she said?

Yeah, do women. He told us way too much about his marriage. Yeah, yeah, I do that too much. And he's terrible at fucking grammar too. Well, I can't fault him for that, because I suck. He said little L.I.L. He's an idiot. Yeah, he's younger than me.

But he's trying to say little, like he's trying to bring it. Like little wings. Oh, he's them of the me He's trying to say little like he's trying to bring a little wing. Oh, he's always always Oh, he's a little get out a little bit. Yeah, hold on. He can attack him Because you know if he's freaking texting on the on a little faunce a abbreviate. So come on man He's a go mighty said so he's a what the go might there you go What's that mean? I'll move on go the next question. It's a fucking lost me I almost was gonna figure it out. But I heard more words on this podcast. I never been, I never been.

Nerman. Nerman. Another guy's a big fan of yours, Bobby. Yeah. He's first heard you won a, and saw you at two separate virus shows. Yup. And says his fact,

him and his wife are front row center for your special. Yeah. His question is, when is your special coming out? Is it only coming out in festivals? And we'll be available to download or DVD? The special we are making an announcement hopefully in the next week. We're waiting for contracts to be signed So you have no information for him. We have a couple people, but it will it is bought it is bought

Stay tuned you have to stay tuned well i will make an announcement as soon as we sign the contracts i will pronouncing where it's gonna be i got a bit of some of that on canal street next week given the given the hanky she that yeah go sell that on canal street

that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that So, uh, we heard you shut up, just take that, just because your big doesn't mean you don't get smashed. So, we, uh, yeah, we, uh, yeah, it's coming, it's coming, but it is sold, so thank God. And I'm very excited, it's all great stuff, man. I can't, I'm so excited about it, I want to fucking tell everybody, but I can't. So very soon, but thank you very much. It's not just in festivals. We did that one festival and it got in. We kind of, Jim wanted to see if it would work out

and it did and it was awesome and we experienced it, but we wanted on TV. So it's gonna be on TV on one of the big motherfuckers and then we got a couple people interested on it. So very soon. thank you so much. All right, one more question. It is. Hey, Bobby, why don't you have

Burr Norton on the show more? I get you wanna give some exposure to the younger guys, but it'd be cool if you had guys. I get shit for this, I get shit for this a lot. I really do, like I have got, you're a pussy, you have guys that are less than you, which I don't, I really don don't all these guys on the show look you're a new guy You're not even a comic he's a new guy, but you guys are all at the same fucking clubs

I'm at you're at the you work you're all fucking You know the same community. I don't know who's below me me i'm not putting guys that are less funny i'm putting guys that are fucking killers on the show my friends don't do it i ask fucking noran no i tell keythrobbing to tell me to go fuck myself i asked i asked calling says go fucking die if they don't come on the show. Louis CK is not going to do my show. He will do, if I go, hey, will you do a one-on-one?

I could do that. I could go and get it. But that's, I like this. I like sitting down with my friends, comics that I like, or comics that I know, and I want to get to know, and sitting down and having a comic hang. And we go wherever the fuck it is, and we talk about wherever, and I want to get to know and sitting down and having a comic hang. And we go wherever the fuck it is, and we talk about wherever, and we make each other laugh.

And you, as you get to be exposed to that, you get to see comics hanging out. This is what we do at a table. I mean, yeah, it's a little forced in some way, but I don't say, hey, here's topics, let's fucking, you sit the fuck down, and we go wherever we want. Sometimes you talk, sometimes you don't. You know, who the fuck knows?

But I would love to have those guys on. And I do, like, Dane, I asked Dane tonight. And he said, no. I said, Dane, you want to come on? No. I don't. I said, well, we're here if you want to. And he did.

And he popped on, which was awesome. But, you know, that's it. I do ask these guys, but they say, one has been on no one did the live show You know these guys are busy man. I mean what do you want to do? My friends, but you know, I I've asked them and they said it burst but not everybody's been on But you know, it's you know, they tell me to go fuck myself more often than not But I love will will is just as Will. Will is just as funny as me. Versus just as funny as me.

Truck is almost as funny as Versus. So it's, it's, you know, I mean, I have, the guys I have part of my crew is Scopo and dude, those people help me put the show together. I definitely, you know, younger guys, but you know, I want them, this motherfucker, Scopo, he could do is, he can do everything. He walked in not knowing fucking shit about nothing. Now he knows everything.

So he can walk away whenever the fucking wants to go. I'm going to do my own show and not even think about it. He knows how to fucking record it, knows how to, sit and know how to get people on it. And you're creating young stars, man. Well, look, Dan Soda was on the beginning. Yeah, Joe Lists sometimes is about creating a new avenue and being a leader instead of trying to be a leader. Yeah, but I hate that shit where you have sh- you have sh- you have younger comics because

you're afraid to, you know, no, I don't. I ask my friends, they say, go fuck yourself. You know the guy loved having Norton up here with Voss and fucking Keith? Do you know what a fucking, oh my God, that'd be great, I'd love to have those guys. I know we could fucking, if I had those guys on every night, I could, we'd make a million dollars, I'd sell it. You know what I mean?

But they tell me to go fuck myself. So, I love those guys I asked them once in a while, but I also love these guys and I love you're the furt you downstairs I said you want to come up. Yeah, and you're up. That's fine. That's why I love it. How long is this answer? Let me tell you something I want to point out I want to chat this is why I love comedians You know, see if I was an actor you guys would have probably let me go on further. I am a fucking Emily had a plot fucking jackass

My plot my wife would have stand and gave you a standing ovation when you just had out four times to go I asked my friends. They tell me to go fuck myself and then I came back but that's how Bobby talks man He talks in parts and cannot shut up. I really I'm gonna shut up Bobby deep inside is a female no, but that's an issue He's a female Alright, let's fucking move on. Okay, what else you got? That was a bunch of questions about the show, about... One guy wants to know what he wants to do with his job, but that was dumb question.

What? Questions, stick out, Scopo? Okay, alright, ready? After, after... Thank you, Will. Thank you for saying, I think, what I was a chiller said. After years of open mics, middling hosting, and garbage gigs, how do you become a headliner? He saw you at the punch line in San Francisco wearing the pizza sweater.

Oh, he's a sweet guy. Pull up the pizza sweater. Oh, friction. So people can see it. Um, I was like a fucking runner. What's the question? It was, you know what, we're all so much than the beginning of the show.

Well, yeah, we're gonna call it that. You know what? We'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll One day you're the guy and then you panic and go oh fuck I gotta fall these guys There is no rhyme or reason how you get there these comics who's not even headlines are headlining They should not be here lining and this commerce was freaking been doing it for freaking years And now they just now getting a freaking start. I mean you just became a I just started a full-time I just started you know, yeah, and and for years I featured and everything like that But it's like you said just get up get get up, and then you get the time. And then, you know, when I think happens, though I actually think there's a better answer to it.

I think when you feature, I think you get to a point when you feature, you get to the 2530, you have so much left in the tank, you're killing on such a high level, and you're like, this time went like that, and you kind of just outgrow it. You just outgrow it, man, you're just like, you know what, I shouldn't be in this spot and the club knows it,

the owner knows it and everybody around you goes, when are you gonna come back and headline? And once that starts happening enough, you know that you could sustain it. That's how it happened with me. I think for someone like me around to get more known around in the city is you gotta start your own show. Start your own show.

You get people on the show. Yeah, there's no more reason. You get people. You get to do so on the show. There's no bottom of reason. Start producing on the show or start performing at the delegate recommendation or freaking go on tole with some comic. I think first, he has a good point though. You have to be pretty much wanted, whether that's undeniable.

Undeniable, I say wanted. I was gonna say undeniable, but you can be undeniable. Like, hold a shit, this guy, we haveiniable, but you can be undiniable. Like, holy shit, this guy we have to get. Or you can be famous, you can get a television show and be good. You know, this guy's who that. I get to social media.

Yeah, you just want it. And yeah. Where, you know what, we like you. Can you do an hour? Yes. Okay, come on in. Cause I don't think every headliner is a fucking killer. You know what I mean? Where it's like oh my god this guy has so much, but I think that is a way of doing it

I did it that way the clubs the clubs just get comments going I like this guy better than the headliner or the headliner The club does that or the club is like wow man We really getting great reviews in the headline. You know you could tell they know yeah, but it takes years man It takes it takes a long time. You just got to get it Yeah, so there you go is that it? Yeah, I I think we'll just gotta go where you get a go buddy I got a host of cellar. All right, buddy. You're the best. By the way, I'm at the I'm in bow down with Modern Wayne's October twinkling middling Middling and hosting I'm kidding. I'm sorry

Middle and over 23rd. Yeah, October 23rd Well being born in October 24th and 5th at the where can they go to find this out? It's easier that way. Will7s.com will7s.com with your Twitter handle at will7s W I L S Y L B I N C E W I L in case dupe can't No, he's got your he's got your Twitter up and he's got your website up under your name right now. That's Dupu. He's the shit. I wish fucking I met Dupu. That's a tag, Dupu.

I get, all right, get out of here. I'm just being fucking anticlimactic ass. I know, take that. Actually, take that with you and leave it out of your back pocket. So people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people. I know how to hang your seat. Oh, hey, you're good, buddy. Thanks, well. I're good, bye. Thanks, well.

I love this. Yeah, I think it's, it is a, there's many different ways to become a headliner, but the main thing is just keep doing comedy. They will let you know when you're ready to head. They will let you know whether it's your famous, you're killing, or whatever it is. Hey, do you want to come in the headline?

I love guys that want, think they should headline before their headlines though, where they get mad at it, and then they get the shot and they fucking stink. Yeah, absolutely. They have, yeah, they're just fucking below. Yeah. I've had line like, by mistake,

at colleges like where they have like four or five of us, and they'll be like, yeah, I gotta go. So, this guy, and you end up doing 45 at the end. I'm just like, all right, cool. Right. It felt good, but it's just like, I know I'm not there yet. Yeah, though I hate that when you do a gig with a bunch of comics that are called,

and they're like, yeah, I gotta go. Everybody's gonna go. Go fuck yourself. How's that? I'm always the guy going up last. Always. Yeah. Always. Yeah. Always. Well, I think with your experience and your style, all that, dude.

But dude, I've been on shows with fucking people way more experience, way more Twitter follows, way more fame. Look, if your bank account beats my balance, you should go the fuck on last. But they're not funny. Yeah, that's true. But I don't give a fuck, you know. You got the, you, so you get the fame, fame you get the fucking money and you get the Fuck it's fucked up because he gets to cut out on you and he leaves you because you can go

No, you know what the best part about that is what you just said is at the end of the day when the fame and the money Goes aside everybody leaves knowing what the fuck happened and that that goes on forever No, they don't they know they know it happens is I become a fucking bitter asshole and I just mumble to myself walking to a game. Clock suckers, I'm not going to fucking last. My motherfuckers, I'm not fucking doing that. It's happened to me a couple of times and I mean, it's at first it sucks, but then you like, oh, I just fuck, yeah, I just did this.

You know what I mean? No, I look man, that's fine, but there's a, there's a, you know, look, when you're headlining, there's a responsibility. Like I was was I feel kind of bad this week And I had lined up. Where was I the comedy shop with two piece? I believe where's that? It's the student in Jersey. He has he's a fucking oh James James has a James. Yeah, he has a fan of comedy Yeah, yeah, just a fan and he was like fuck you

I want to start my own rooms. I remember you come to me and go what do you think and I didn't really know I'd tell him what I could But he just went and did it which I love and you know he has these rooms. Yeah, great They're great one night. It was which I love because you can go and fuck off and kind of explore your jokes and and But I went this weekend and I was just I was so done I've been on the road I'm done I don't want to you know when I was there and the guys that were going on before me I was like fuck but I was like I was kind of country and I feel bad about it I got a calm and apologize and the guys that were going on before me were actually pretty funny they were really funny guys the host was the young, young, hat backwards,

fucking energetic, fucking hey! And I was like, ugh. Yeah, I know. You know? I know, man. But he was a great guy. He hosted great. Oh, look, he's a scopo.

He has his hat backwards. No, he's got the energy of a fucking old lady. I'm not a fucking. Hello, welcome to the show. My ass is big. Give it up for Rob. From the, you know what? I forgot.

We were talking about your tempo stinks. You have the tempo of just a regular heart. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. Oh shit.

This kid was crazy all over the, but he was a great host. And he had some good jokes man, he was fucking doing it. Now I felt a little, I let him know though, I was like, dude, you're funny and you know, I make sure I do that. And the middle, the both middleers, one was way different the other, they were fucking great. So it's, I remember one of the first times I headlined

on the road, the middle was crushing. And he was a local guy and he was crushing. And he was a radio person in that area. And I'm not gonna lie man, I'd be lying if I said, like I didn't get shook for a second because he was crushing and he was a radio person in that area and I'm not gonna lie man I'd be lying if I said like I didn't get shook for a second because he was from the South He was talking about the South and he's crushing and like this club did and I I did my thing But like you had to take those first three minute lumps. Yeah, and then you had to and you remember as a matter of fact Chris Rock's mother got me through the set because she's down in South

You had sex with her? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yeah, yeah, so Chris rocks mom and her friend came right and like they're from Brooklyn You know they're from New York and this local guys crushing and then I got to go and do 50 plus after them Yeah, and I remember it was like they gave me the look like look at this fucking Yankee You know our local boy just fuck and don't give me wrong. He was funny. He had he had bits He was funny. Yeah, but um when I saw I was going through stuff and when I saw Chris rocks mom and like the people that she was with Smiling and laughing I knew that they kind of and like the people that she was with smiling and laughing I knew that they kind of got my New York thing and and these people whether they liked and that got me to go You know what fucked the rest of these people because that's my one of my here That's one of my heroes moms and she's laughing and it just made me and then I opened up

And I ended up having a really good set But nothing is worse than when you just start headlining and the middle is fucking crushing It's not it's not it's not that towards but now you want it I think now that you But now you want it. I think now that you've experienced you want the show to be great, you'll ride the wave. But I was, it definitely, I'd be lying if I said, I wasn't looking at it going, wow, this dude, you know.

I was at the improv in Flore in Miami and Tony Rock was headlining and I was middleing. And I fucking, I do, I stepped on the fucking gas and just annihilated. And I remember I went behind the curtain and he was on the knee praying He took a knee and fucking talk to Jesus But I do it. I've been there man. I've been look I the last year the Boston comics come on dude I had a follow-up they closed me and nobody look man fuck you. I don't care if it's my town nobody knew me

I had to go up after Jimmy Fallon and fucking Dennis Leary Saying a fucking song about the Red Sox and Yankees. Jesus just annihilating Tracy Morgan Gary Garmin went up and fucking leveled the place like I mean I've never seen kill everybody Killed it Lenny Clark fucking smashed it Everybody in the show smash it. I went up at the end after Tracy Morgan who came out popping and then kind of faded And that should have been the end and then he brings me out like yeah this guy. That's it. We're done I got one more which was sucked Oh

And I went out dude it took me three, three minutes. You got him? I finally went, I literally said, all right, here, I got you now. I had, yeah. Cause I, dude, it was, I was going down, dude, big time, big time. You know what, I don't know how much time you have, do you have time?

Yeah, good. Good time, all right. That's a my show. I got, yeah, how much do you have? Like, yeah, like there's something. I only have eight seconds left of my S, my S, my S D card. Well, I wanted a worse experiences and I have that bomb I'm worse

That experiences in my comedy, you know what and I got through it was fine But dude I bombed on a level and somebody told me I don't watch Louis show But somebody said what I did was basically exactly like the Louis sign felt thing where they went to a country club Oh shit, where was this so this was this was that sleepy hollow country club. Okay. I know I know what I know. Yeah, I'm much better. Was that with low head? No, no, no, yeah. So let's what happened. No, no, I'll probably love this shit. So I get a phone call from a friend going to do it. I used to do this. I used to do this show for like a bunch of years. It's incredible money. They're gonna give this, and it's all, it's all men. It's a, they give, they give a guy,

they've been doing it for 74 years, and they give a guy an honorary award, okay? They're the level of money. Everybody's a millionaire and billionaire. No wives, this is one night where they go out, they play golf, they smoke cigars, then there's like a reception before the dinner that would be a hundred and fifty thousand dollar wedding. They were peeling off fucking prime ribs, so this year they go, I got

referred to them and I was like, man, I don't know if I should do that, you know, they told me to money and I'm like, I'm doing it. And then so they were like, let's get two comedians, right? And you guys are right, like I'm my fucking dude, I'm sorry, we're shooting a show while you're doing this. I'm literally listening to you watching you on here. So, okay, okay. I apologize. No, no, it's all right, I just didn't know.

I was like, yeah, dude, I'm just trying to make you look good. So when we, they watch the video, they get to see you. Oh, okay, okay, cool. So, this, so I get in touch with the guy. He's a fucking multi, multi millionaire. and he tells me the money and he goes hey man What if I get another comic this year? So all of a sudden I thought of my friend lawhead because he you know He wanted to get some work on the east coast. Can I just pause you real quick? What about you rather friend from Westchester?

No, no, this was something where it was like I'm not gonna have you do fucking five man It was just why I'll fucking do it. Yeah, well you know what I'm multi-multi-millionaire Well like like I said though that my buddy was on the east coast and he was looking for work So we didn't have to fly back so I'm your buddy. Yeah, you we live here Yeah, I live down the fucking street from sleepy hall for night. I take a million to no No, no, it's not a million how much was it? You say the most million it thousand I will yeah a thousand. Thousands. I won't take thousands. Have, listen, half hour show total.

I'm doing 20. The person who goes first does, you know, five to 10, whatever, and you just get it in out. Thousands. Every year, every year, they've only had one comic. Okay. And you wrap it up, like they said at 20, if you're killing, you wrap it up.

Now I was told, go out to them a little bit, because they're very prick, they're pricks. Like yeah, nice thing, you know, they're prick. They're millionaires, they've been drinking all day, right? You should have saw this place. When this place looks like we were fucking present, it was insane. So we get there, Lawhead goes there, right?

Yeah. And we start talking and I'm looking around and I knew, I knew it just wasn't my, it just was fucked up. And I felt like if I was going first, it would have been better. So Lawhead goes up and I'm not mad at him. We just, he starts talking about, we start touching on the same things because these guys are all millionaires.

You know, they're, you know, so my angle was gonna be, there was no black people on the premises except, so I was gonna just start fucking talking about how racist they were, how there's no black guys. Lawhead kind of touched on it a little bit, but you know, I'm like, all right, so he starts doing it and lawhead starts building this shit up and 10 minutes He's fucking killing there. I mean he's getting clap breaks and these guys are going another one do another one

What's a clap break like like like applause break? Yeah, whatever yeah I like the way he said it clap break I. Clap right. I don't. You know, so never say clap break again. You all stand in there. I'm standing there and I'm watching law it. I'm watching law it and like these fucking these older millionaire and billionaire Republicans are fucking loving him right. And he's and I'm going on next and he does he goes over a little bit because they're going one more, one more right.

So then he goes out your next guy dude. I walk on stage right. And I start I start looking at him and I remember he goes I'm not going to fuck with the people in the crowd. That's your job. And the honoree, the guy who they were given the award to was sitting at this grand table with his father and his brothers. And they're all really, they're all in fucking suits, right? The president of the country. Oh, right.

Every lunatic shit. The lunatic shit. And that's what I said. I mean, he's, you know, yeah, that's, that's, that's exactly what it was. I even said a lunatic. I said, I mean he's that's you know, yeah, that's that's that's exactly what it was I even said Illuminati I said I feel like I'm at an a party for the Illuminati and so I start talking to them And I'm just getting like after lawhead kills. I'm just getting like So I remember to go to the guy now these guys all have trophy wives with fucking fake fake, you know They're just everything right plastic surgery bad bitches. So so I go yeah, and they're all trophy wise I don't do anything these guys, you know, they're driving around

and they're fucking husband's money with, yeah, they don't have, they don't have jobs. So I look at this guy, right? Like your wife. I look, so I look at this guy, right? And I look, they go, go at him. Go at him, they like that. So I look at this fucking guy.

All right, all friends, and I go, yeah, give it going for Larry whatever. I go, he's the honoree this week. You know, on everybody claps. And I go, yeah, this guy, what did I say? I say I said yeah this guy's got his hands on a lot of paper and plastic and I said and they gave me his wife's name Oh, no, yeah, so I go and by plastic. I mean Larry's wife's tits are something right in the whole place 300 guys Whoa whoa whoa, and I'm going these motherfuckers told me to go out there And I just went right and then all of a sudden I just start seeing arms crossed right so I'm going these motherfuckers told me to go out there and I just went right and then all of a sudden

I just start seeing arms crossed right so I'm just fuck I'm in my head. I'm bailin out of jokes Right and it's or any we're in a court doing half jokes. We're outside. No, we're outside. I do like half Joe you stepping into jokes and then go and fuck it. Oh, yeah, yeah, I was going. Yeah, man You know I stopped drinking because I blacked out you Right dude dude I'm I just was like they're not they're not going so I'm just gonna go to another joke So I just fucking went to and I'm just watching and a couple people were like making me hang on Ah, and then the end dude the end did it. Here's what I said I was talking about Chris Christie

Right and how and I just call him a fat mess from New Jersey and if he'd be the president with that call it I said that fucking Jersey sure golet of a neck that he's got and I just start going into it. Guy leans over to lawhead in the back and goes yeah I just threw a fundraiser for Christie last week 3000 a plate and another guy goes yeah I work for Christie they all work they all did charities for him so I was basically calling him a fat fuck a gullet neck this fucking guy's gonna waddle to a podium and everyone's just going like this dude and it just was fucking nothing and I'm a fat fuck a gullet neck this fucking guy's gonna waddle to a podium and everyone's just going like this dude And it just was fucking nothing and I'm fucking sitting up there man, and it was a bombing It was a bombing where please tell me you are in grass

What was it was a grass? We they were on grass and they were on this big beautiful lawn I was up on they actually had a stage. This was outside. This was outside, but it was it was it was it's No, it was so no, no, it was it was so fucking grand though outside. But it was, it was, it was, it was, it was so, no, no, no, it was, it was so fucking grand though that it was, it was fucking beautiful dude. It was ridiculous. It was like a wedding. And I'm just, except for you, except for me,

and I'm going like this, and then I start going like, dude, at one point I was talking about NFL players hitting their kids and I had nowhere to go and I go, I'll do it, you hit your kid and he just goes, no, and I was like, yeah, because you're like, dude, Bobby, it got so fucking, and it was, I was going on a great run that week. It was like, yeah, because you're like, I'm doing that. Bobby, it got so fucking, and it was, I was going on a great run that week.

It was like my ninth show. I was fucking killing it, and I just lost to do it. And then I, and one guy's going, you're really funny. You're really funny in the back, and they wanted me to wrap up, and I was trying not to wrap up. And that's when the president was like, they were like, come on, and I remember saying goodnight, and they clapped, probably because I was getting off.

And luckily I had the check in my wallet. And I walked. Luckily there was an exit. So I walked off stage. Did you have to walk through a maze? No, I was lucky. Nothing on a maze, because it's fucking grand. Dude, dude, I walked.

I walked Jesus. Oh, I answered it. Seriously, I thought you meant like, Jesus. No, I thought you meant like No, I thought you meant like a maze through the crowd like excuse me. No, like you know the merchants They have I walked I caught up in the story. I walked I walked to the left and luckily there was a ramp through the kitchen Yeah, I went out of the kitchen. I went to the parking lot. I text law had two things I go out at the out in the parking lot Wow And he and he can't he can't he can't he can't he can't he.

And I said I'm getting my new Jaguar from my pal. Yeah, and I was so fucking I was so tired. And I said after this gig I'm gonna go home, but I was so fucking tired. I mean I was so fucking upset. Yeah, just because not even upset like you wouldn't not have known it. Lawyer goes, dude, you handle it like well,

but it hurt me it bothered me. Just because I know that those people didn't get me. And so I went to the fucking stand. And I guess like a mess. Is this gonna be a happy story at the end? Because I don't want to hear it. No, no, I don't want to hear you killing at the stand. No, no, no, I want to hear it.

I just want to end it here. I'll say this. I went on at the stand last at the end of the night. And I felt that, yeah, I crushed. All right, fuck you. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. I was so fucking happy shit story. I was so fucking upset about it. Yeah for days and it sat with me for like

fucking four or five days. You can't you can't do it. I didn't listen. Listen, listen, what could I have done? There's nothing you can do. This is the comedy gods. This is what happens to us. Yeah, we we go on tears. We think we're hitting a new level, we think we're some, I do it, I'm a better comic than I was. I'm saying, more, oh my God, shit now, and they're getting me. And then you go and you have a fucking shit gig at the seller or at a fucking benefit or at a college, and it teaches you, oh my God, there you go,

there's your nice hot one, there's your fucking hot one. But, I thought of you because you go, I thought of you because you called it a hot one. And everyone was like, I'm telling you, honest and stuff and they were like, dude, Virzy just took a hot one and I was thinking of you because that's what I heard. I got our great mom.

It's the fucking best thing ever though, dude, because you have this story forever. How many, you don't even remember any, the nine shows that you killed before, you don't remember anything, you don't even remember any, the nine shows that you killed before, you don't remember anything. You don't remember the people, you remember specific people's faces from this story. A great work week turned into that and that's all I remember. Yeah, but that's, that's the best thing ever. Yeah. Because you, you'll have this story forever. Yeah. You took a hot one and you went through the other side and you did, you

did the exact comic thing that you should do. You went to a club and you fucking perched yourself. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what you should cry to my dorm room. I got boo. I ain't fucking around like 1998. I love that he waited and he had the perfect. The perfect title. 1998.

I started comedy. It's like the first half of my career. Like I had stopped them. I had a record deal. I went overseas and everything. But the first thought of my career like I had stopped them how to record deal I went overseas and everything but the first thought I was doing this show at the uptown comedy story remember that yes crazy Sam was hosting WBLS radio is a big show. There's a bunch of headlines on the show Don DC Curry You know CP Lacey all these guys on it. I'm just a kid in college. I go up to the show Harris stintens They mean Harris sitting next to each other kid next to us looks like he just got out of jail

He's like y'all all I'm saying is I know I'm better than these motherfuckers and he just kept saying and we are looking at him Like, you know did he just get out because he's crazy. He's saying that about you guys. No, he was saying about everybody Nobody's fucking with me. I got this. So we were looking at him. We like I Don't think he knows what he's doing. I don't think he knows comedy. So he goes out there, the first thing he says, yo, you know what I hate? Fat bitches. And we all just look at it jump like,

nah, you didn't just say that. And this crowd, you know, uptown comedy store. There's a lot of fat bitches. A lot of fat bitches. Not even the fat bitches all over the place. A lot of fat bitches. So like, it's like, you hear a little murmurs in the crowd. You know, like, and then you hear a little murmurs in the crowd, you know

Yeah, you start hearing fat bitches leave like you can hear them leave it Then it was like fuck you motherfucker like you can hear all this shit as they leave But it's a couple of factors left then it security came out and grabbed them like the national islam dudes Coming out just like I brought you got a guff they had to wrestle wrestling off stage. Yeah, why so you hear like light boo's Just light light boo's so you know crazy Sam comes to the back is I man You're truck. I was like nah, you know, I'm good. I'm good right now So I don't need to go up right now and then Harris is like go ahead man. Go ahead He's hitting me with the elbow shit, and I just went I just went. I was like fucking I did good last week I could do it. I could do it

As soon as I get out there grab the mic hey guys how you doing? Mother fuck a boo all your hands booze all over the place. Why? You didn't say anything they didn't want to hear me say shit They even want they wanted to boo somebody they didn't get a chance to boo him. They booed him a little So I'm holding the microphone still crazy Sam's like I bro you had enough and we're wrestling over the mic. It's like You know, you know, we have to do so we get it. We're fucking not assholes Yeah, you know, you know, we know this isn't 1920 radio and then the door open And then the horses came up

Just tell the fucking story I got four minutes left. I got to go, okay You know I'm good, right? You know, I'm good. You know, I can do this. You know, I'm good at comedy, right? You know, I'm good. And we're wrestling. And that's all you hear on the fucking speakers. Right. He snatched the mic out of my hand. And I just, I got it scored it. Just the way that kid got it scored it. You got, you get, they walked you out. They walked me out the back. Get out of here. I go back to my dorm. I'm crying in the bathroom. That's the worst thing I've ever done.

But here's a thing, dude. We all, I have so many fucking, I'll beat anybody's bomb story. I put a boot at the Boston Garden in front of 14,000 people. All the dangers told that story. Yeah, if you're trying to do improv. Okay, at a fish concert, okay? I, listen, dude, you You know, I've been fucking,

I've bombed so many fucking times, and it hurts just as bad, because it's always at a point where you think you're, I'm better, I'm good, and you take a hot one. But it's what we do, and really, that's why I love this business, because it will filter the bad people out. The week will fucking not survive this.

The weak will not go back on stage. I know, I've had girls, I had a girl open her once, cry in my dressing room, all four shows of Caroline's. Like to the point where I was like, fuck this. No, she was the middle, she just bombed. She bombed so bad in front of the, my crowd. I was selling out the books, I was after Torgasm. And it was a lot of ONA fans, man.

And it was fucking, I'd never seen somebody put the bomb in on themselves, by the way. I'm fucking wrong. He just grabbed it. That was bombed, yeah. It was bad, we need to even fucking take it. You're like, yeah, whatever. Uh, yeah, but this, I love that shit, dude. I love hearing fucking stories. I dude. I remember I was Dude, I've almost cried fucking taking

Dude it hurts. Hey, there. I teared up one time But I think I was really hungover I blacked out so I think that I listen man you got your show I didn't we didn't get a chance to talk about it next time You do your own show on YouTube, right? I put it on YouTube, but it's mainly on funny or die. Funny or die. And what is it? Explain it real quick. But the truck Hudson show, it's basically me doing sketches. I do a lot of impersonations of, you know, some comics, some just famous people. You do a lot of famous people and you put it up yourself. You do it yourself in your house. Yeah. See, look, man, I don't care if you think it's good or bad.

I don't care. You got to check shit like that out because it's a guy who isn't waiting for somebody to give him a fucking opportunity or a fuck. You went out, you got a green screen, you're fucking doing this shit yourself, you're editing yourself, you're putting it out there. So good for you.

I've checked it out a couple times. It's not that good, but listen, no, I'm kidding. It's actually good, dude. It's, it was, it was, I love when people do that shit. I love when people take shit in their own hands and say, fuck it. I'm gonna evolve and make this into something.

And it gets better and better every time and you work and on it. So check it out. They can go to a funnier die and what is it they check out? The truck Hudson show. Checked it out. Versi, you got your shoe in your own special. You're not special. You're hour. Your first hour. Well, the documentary will be done that we've been shooting for three years. Did I make the cut? Of course you did.

I did. The documentary I'm shooting just a quick little sneak peek here. It's just stand-up comedians who have children and some of the comedians Al Madrigal some of the comedian and there's some comedians without kids that thought about that life but the comedians on their Jim Florentine Bobby Kelly Al Madrigal Bill Burz on their Joe Maderees a lot of guys with kids that go on the road and are living this life but have the life that we have we've been shooting for almost three years when we can and putting it together. That's going to be coming out and I'm going to be taping my debut comedy CD this Halloween weekend, October 30th through November 2nd at Mordys Comedy joint in Indianapolis. And it's a great little club, man. It's awesome. So it's a good club. It's a great club and that club is great and rocks

when it's packed. So I'm hoping to get the album out of it. We're going to have people there. You guys, yeah, make sure you've packed that place out. Yeah. Yeah. And the Versa effect podcast. There'll be some Versa effect listeners. There's no, which you just got signed to. Yeah. And all things comedy is going to announce probably the more the more these things for my debut. But I just got on there because the amount of listeners, it's been great. So, yeah, and check me out on Twitter at Paul Verzi, VIRZI and go to the website, poilversy.com.

Bobby, thanks for having me again, man. I appreciate it. Yeah, I appreciate you coming up, man. I love you, man. Likewise, dude. Likewise. Trucker, I like you a lot. Thanks, man.

I like you too, Bobby. I love Verzi, though. I love Verzi. I'm just getting to know you. Yeah, I'm just saying, I'm like, I'm going to listen to you. I'm fucking proud of him, dude, because I know how much he hustles. I, you know, you remind me of Mikey. There's a lot of Mikey's, that's it, though?

No, Mike's a Stefano. Oh, okay. I remember he used to be the same way. I'm trying, I'm doing this, I'm doing, I'm doing, he used to do all he could, and all of a sudden it just started happening. I was like, happy. And you, you're the same way. You're a hustler a hustler you're fucking you know you do what you have to do

and appreciate it. You're a funny motherfucker. Well and one thing I'll say to young comedians too and I know you got to wrap it up is that's all you can do like all of a sudden somebody will come up to you and people say get undeniable get good. You know what that agent will come up to you or somebody will say hey dude you're funny you're getting better and it's time you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but dude, like I can't thank the Versa Effect podcast listeners coming out, drawing because of it, doing good and guys like you put me on your show and stuff. So just keep going, man, that's what it is.

You said it before when somebody goes, how do you become a headliner? You just got to keep fucking going. Yeah, I actually said it tonight. Yeah, that's what I said. Top before. Wow. Twitter handle is at truck Hudson. At truck Hudson, okay, he's going to put it up right now. What do I her handle is at truck Hudson. At truck Hudson.

Okay. He's going to put it up right now. What do I got there, Scopeo? Alrighty. Bobby, October, this weekend, if you're listening live, you've got the Gotham Comedy Club and you go. Yeah, this weekend I'm live. Tomorrow I'm doing ONA in the morning.

I got a fucking busy day tomorrow, I do it. Jesus. I got ONA. I got to be hurt. I have to leave early. I got to go to band rehearsals. I got to go to school again. I mean, I'm fucking crazy dude.

I got to go to, I think electric lady student at fucking crazy studio. Oh and Tom Swarth? No, no, no, it's down town, I think it is on the west side. But anyways, I'm sorry, go ahead. So this weekend you're at Gotham. Yep October 29th one night only Empire casino and Yonkers love it check it out November 7th 8th. You're at the comedy works in Albany Boom boom 14th and 15th. They're at Uncle Vinny's and point pleasant new Jersey check out Tom start Tom's driven new Jersey Check it out and uh, you know, uh, I'll be at the seller of course the greatest club in the fucking world to me Uh, while we're filming uh, we'll, we start filming Wednesday for eight, nine weeks

right here in New York City. So I will be at the cellar a lot at nights when I'm off film and so come down. Make sure you just go to the website callmyselod.com and see what I'm gonna be there. I'll be there on weekends too. I wanna thank, were you gonna be anything? Nope, this is me in the city doing spots in the city

Nothing, nothing nothing at Chris. Oh, yeah, you can follow me on Twitter at our to D poo I really like it. I wanted to hate it, but I like it. That's great Listen man Dupu you did a fucking D poo. I've been getting compliments in the chat non stop He's you fucking amazing. I tell you, let me, I'm about to give you when you're fucking twat. Let me finish. You're unbelievable. Thanks, dude.

Unbelievable addition to the show. Really, I made the choice. And a lot of people not saying in this room, but in this room. Yeah, I know. Not in the room, but everybody liked other people, but I stuck to my guns and I picked you What's beyond it?

If Shannon could do it, you wouldn't be hearing absolutely if Shannon could fucking if she didn't have a day job You would not be here and I would have shitty video from dumb scopo And me, I was just hot though. I haven't said one word in a whole night except taking you do this. Yep Okay, yeah, he's better Bobby. We know that but you're better at certain things Yeah, that's that's your cheer me that. But you're better at certain things? Yeah, that's your cheer me up thing. You're better at doing stuff I tell you to do. You're on my fucking main guy,

you're on my fucking muscle, you're the producer of the show. You know, taking over when I quit, when this other show goes on the effects, and I stopped doing this, looking how happy people just got. People hate me on my own show. Isn't that crazy? People who listen to my show,

I should have just done it by myself, because then the only people that listen to fans, people who hate, I have so many great comics, I have like, they love other people, like more than me. So it's like, it's like, all right, whatever. I like them better too. Okay, there's some nasty tweets.

I'm like, that's fucking me. Oh yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, they just mean, a lot of them are just those, I think it's the same couple people. There's literally, it take 12 people. It's not even, I think it's, because they have the same bot followers. It's all hot chicks.

I fuck it. And this is what I would, I would just wish these guys would once, just put up their photo, put up their name, and come on the show. How great would that be? Just fucking, don't be a coward. Just come the fuck on and let's have fun and talk about

why you hate me or whoever else. So I think they're trying to get me rise though. But people coming on the show next week. Well, as long as they truly fucking hate me. And they, I'm gonna put it through a test. Yeah. I hate Bobby Kelly test. Yeah, well, it shouldn't be that fucking easy.

Face, eyes, neck, chinza. You guys are the best fans, I hate Bobby Kelly test. Yeah, well, it shouldn't be that fucking easy face eyes neck Chins You guys are the best fans the one to like me You guys the ones who listen every week. Thank you so much for downloading the show spreading the word To all your friends coming to our shows live, which means a lot I love when people in the show say do a lot of your fans up. I had a bunch of YKWD fans show up Lot of them showed up this weekend in Jersey. I appreciate it So that's it man another great episode you guys are the best thank you Adrian

Chris Copo D. Poo for being the fucking best YKW team. I don't know Anywhere and what's wrong with you tonight? You didn't say a word. I'm just tired I'm sorry, but'll see him tomorrow morning and now let's say we'll both be there but you'll be there five hours before me truck Thank you You're welcome. I'll see you guys later Listening to YKWD Podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all the best podcasts on the internet.

And they're all free. And they're all free. Y todos los tres. y en día aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad. Consulta las condiciones en volotea.com.