Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Das It!

Episode Date: December 10, 2012

Robert returns to YKWD with Colin Quinn, Yannis Pappas, Pat Dixon, Luis J Gomez and Maurica from the Lower East Side. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everybody. This is more recent Rodriguez from the Low Resort and you are listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Do on theriacast.com network. You need to keep listening to this shit. That's sad. Hey, gang. This is Colin Quinn. On the riotcast.com network. You need to keep listening to this shit not say Hey gang. This is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Larry. This is Opie from a lot of things This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cookin you are listening to Robert Kelly's you know what dude? You know what dude

If you be by it be be boo, dippy dippy diyah, you have a dabbadoo. Dude! This is Robert, come with me, you know what that is? You know what that is? I Fucking hate Kelly You're gonna look my singing voice. All right, man. We are here with another episode of You know what, dude? Podcast, you know what, dude? Today is a very special, huge extravigant.

Thanks, giving, we're doing this a week before Thanksgiving. Even though this is gonna come out in June of 2013, by the way, we're fucking going. We are, we are, we're here with special guests. I don't know what's going on. There's something that's in my back pocket that should be in my front pocket. It's hitting me, so I'm just moving it. You have a pocket on the dress?

I got a pocket on the dress, that's right. This is made, this is, I got this dress from China. This is imported from China, it's very classy. And I got this was $2.99, it's foreign, it says made in China. That's right. This is made. This is I got this dress from this is from China. This should Is imported from China's very classy And I got this was to 99 is foreign is says made in China. That's how I shop everything is foreign That's it really that's right if you guys don't know who the fuck that is Then you're out of the loop. It's Louisier Gomez. It's Louisier Gomez's baby It's nice to be sitting with another Puerto Rican who's looking nice.

He's starting to look classy. You look good. He's dressing nice and sure. I like that. I appreciate that, myself. I'm never gonna make it through the show, dude. I'm never gonna make it through the show. I'm gonna be fucking laughing. But be a little more fucking caught. Wait, really have a hangout with a transvestite before you head out? Transactual. Don't fucking. You need to get your shit straight and correct. Well, be a little more fucking, wait, really have a hangout with a transvestite before you had a, what's your actual, dude, don't fucking, you need to get your shit straight and correct. I'm so sorry, Marisha.

I'm transsexual. Gotta show some respect, man, for the gays, the straights, the chicks, we think. And then the third sex right there. That's right. I'm gonna do it in a dress, that's not what it is. That's it, almost. That's it, baby.

We got a special guest, Maricia, right? That's right. And what's your last name, Rodriguez? Rodriguez, that's it baby. We got a special guest Mauricia, right? That's right and what's your last name? Rodriguez Rodriguez, that's right and you are the smash hit sensation on the internet right now That's the people passing it around because they trying to connect to my plate That's right. It's my play. I'm trying to find me a man and that should it's not easy You're trying to get you still haven't got a man. I have not first, how to find, I got like a lot of requirements. I got 17 requirements and a lot of people don't meet them. Shit, so it's very difficult. What's with me somebody?

Well, give us a couple requirements. Maybe we'll find you a guy on the show. Well, first of all, you need to have a car. You need a car. And you're a city, that's hard. Yeah, I'm not trying to go to the day on the train like this and shit be riding around. I'm not trying to do that.

Smelling bombs coming through. That's now I'm trying to do. I've been doing that my whole life, I'm not trying to do that smelling bombs coming through. That's now I'm trying to do. I've been doing that my whole life, I'm not trying to do that. You need to pick me up in a car and that car needs to have a commercial on TV. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna do a payment plan, is shit. Pat, do you have a car? I do, we have a car. We have the opposite. Exactly. Opposite. The other side of the planet, man, comedian, very funny guy. One of my favorites. I've done a few shows of them. Pat Dixon, everybody.

Thank you very much. Welcome to the show for the first time. Pleasure to be here, man. That's good. It's the best. It's skipping important stuff to be here today. Skipping therapy, skipping my own podcast. Right. Should be crime report. It's all off. You skipped your podcast. My podcast. Skip my podcast and therapy to own podcast. Right. Should be crime report. It's all off. You skipped your podcast.

My podcast. Skip my podcast and therapy to do this with you. Thank you, man. Well, you know, I mean, you could come on anytime you want. You're a friend of mine. I know you. We've done fucking hell gigs together. Yeah, yeah. And in Jersey, we did a show with no mic. No microphone in front of, I don't know what they were.

Well, they were serving a lot of like butter, noodles and butter and stuff like that. You know, a white bread, you know, they promise you a meal and that's what you get. Well, they were serving a lot of like butter, noodles and butter and stuff like that, you know, a white bread, you know, they promise you a meal and that's what you get. Yeah, you got noodles and butter. Yeah, you get like a piece of bread, there's one piece of bread left. I think it was a bunch of, uh, for addicts too, they were like, uh, recovering addicts and me and pat her up there. No, yeah, no, Mike, you guys can do this.

We were up to just screaming. Uh, but hey, there's a funny thing is he, I was kind of depending on him to take a hot one. You know what you do a shit gig with another comic? You're like I just want him to take a bomb so if I take what it's good, but if I do good It's fine. He went up and just leveled the place and I'm like now I have this is gonna suck But it was the no mic that did it they were like oh he has no mic and he just kept going what a pro Yeah, we'll salute that it didn't matter what I went up with no mic and they're like gee He doesn't need a mic this loud fatso But we got a got a real answers there. They were there for the noodles. Yeah for the noodles

We so we got all Lewis J Gomez is here. Oh my god Jesus Where's my I got you a gift. I was in you might like this Maricia. I got him a gift I got him a nice gift this I saw this shirt and wall mart around four in the morning And I the I it was seven dollars. I left the tag on I saw this shirt in Walmart around four in the morning. And it was $7. I left the tag on. I'm a six-sponsored. You spent that much on the list?

I got a lot of money on Jesus. That's a big one. That's right. My dress was $3.99, it's just so. That dress right there was $3.99. $3.99, can you believe that I paid that a six-sponsored? I had to really save up for this one right here. This made in China. I have a lot of questions for you, sweetie. I had to really save up for this one right here. This made in China.

I have a lot of questions for you, sweetie. I have a lot. I'm not so happy for. I'm a fan and I'm so happy that you asked me to be on here. I'm sorry. I love her. All right, I got you this shirt. This is a real ass doo shirt.

I know. Open it up, dude. What did you see? No, baby. Put that sucker on. Put that on right now. That's a collecticle. What? Put it on, baby. Look at that shirt. All right, there's dead air. This bitch on right now put that on

What put it on baby look at that shirt all right. There's dead air so we're gonna have to you know I'm gonna have to look at Lewis. I'm gonna see. Can we get some scrambling up to please the boss music I'm excited about what's about to happen. I want to see what's under there now Do you like did this this is type of guy you like this guy? He's normally he looks like somebody would have gone up with but he got some nice clothes On he got the glasses and shit look like he's making a little money in his life He like it and I'm all about the dollars. That's it. You know now. He's not circumcised though. Does that bug you? No, that's a rate. You know, yeah, that's all right I've seen a lot of Dixon shit. I've been through the varieties. I don't care. What's your favorite type of dick? My favorite type of dick Let me think about that one.

I don't like it with too many veins and shit where you can see the veins and the veins look like they got a bubble in it. You know the vein. It got clogged. It's got like a clogging it like a little circle like you need to call Roto Rudo to get it out of it. I don't like that shit.

I like smooth veins on a smooth dick and shit. And I don't want to see any stubble. And you better not have no pimples on that dick. I'll tell you that shit right now. I don't want to see any stubble and you better not have no pimples on that dick I'll say that shit right now. I don't want to see any red Do you like them straight? Oh, do you not mind when they curve left? Take a curve left and shit. That's all right. It's got a little curvature Shit, that's fine. Yeah, cuz you never know that's going to tickle something nice in your ass pussy You never know that's going to tickle. I'm sorry. What I'm sorry. What'd you say? It's going to tickle somewhere in your ass pussy that you have an

Explode that's right. That's what Kelly is. An ass pussy. She has a blood ass pussy. Pat, what is your favorite dick? Oh, yeah, my own dick, man. It's been a lot of time with it. You're like your dick. I haven't think in a little.

It's such a white guy thing to say, but. Well, look, here's the thing. If I had a dick on my shoulder, that would be the best. I would love that. Oh, there's more reason. I would be interested too. I'd be sitting on your show on your shoulders like your kid all the time. Yeah, hold me in the water let's just play water polo. Notting one for yes and true for no. That's right.

Boom boom. I love the show ends when I had to grab my special guest coming and I had to, I think he doesn't know how to get in. To the show. Oh, is that shirt is... Samakans. That shirt is very American. First of all, he just became instantly threatening. That is crazy. This is like a shirt like an American Indian wears.

It's like a bouncer. It's like shit bar. It's fucking awesome. I feel like I look really tough in this shirt. That's like, I have like a nowhere USA shit. You know what I think is really funny? You and Marisa have the same hair color and like hair shape.

I really do like hair color. It's very nice. It looks like Marisa has like your hair, but it's parmed. She's got nice curls. I don't have that style. Where's that accent from, is she? I think from Australia.

Yeah, Australia. It's crazy. That shit is classy. You like Australian. I hate it. It's Australian. It's Australian. It's Australian I like I don't think it's too happy Australia. That's the England. Where's that? It's in England. Yeah There's an emotional distance on that voice though, right? What do you mean? Like nothing can penetrate that she can float along just talking like that You can tell her anything. Oh, whatever, you know, they say it's it's more of an attitude than an accent

It really is. It's a shitty happy attitude that doesn't exist in this fuck up world and that's why it bugs me You nailed it on the head. Yeah, exactly right. It is just this. It's all right It's keep going. That life is what it is. Somebody just came in you better say hello. Don't be rude Everybody special guys Sit down. We got a chair right next to Kelly for you, Mr. Mr. The Great Raining White Men today This is that old guy I saw at the creek The great Colin Quinted just joined the show that's a special guest. Oh lucky He knows me pretty well as well as anybody how furious am I what fucking Pat Dixon just said?

Pretty well as well as anybody how furious am I what fucking pat Dixon just said Because it was Pat Do you know Pat you're a single pat very well? You know Lewis J Gomez a real-ass dude what's going on? I'm not wearing a costume my promise Bobby just bought me the shirt. It's a gift $7.00. Walmart. How great is that sure? It's pretty amazing Unfucking believable and then we got Mauricio right here Oh mommy how are you? Look how you just call mommy Jesus and you know

You know Kelly right? Yeah, I do. I heard you as trash and poor Kelly and the Australian people I can't stand the accent, but they're the most down to earth people And the what they're the greatest people ever yeah, but that but that it's such a phony they're not there I don't trust that I don't trust that everything is good and everything you're just glides off their shoulder and every, hey, just keep it moving that accent. Well, that's it. Pat said it. Pat explain. There's no like emotional reality to a person like that. You know what I mean? There's a force field around them that's happy and bullshit that they pride themselves on you with me. What about Mauricia? You like it?

I just say you know if they talk into you about like this, they talk to you, they all want to fuck you. That's it. They just playing hard to get. Don't let them talk to you like the accent is very classiest. That's so much. Nobody. Sounds like you should be prime ministers. Yeah.

Nobody wants to fuck Kelly. Everybody would fuck Kelly. No, no. Come on out of their way to fucking go out for at night with Kelly. I would fuck that but I'm not going You would have to force me eloquent I I really I despise the accent my I love you want to hear something that makes me happy every time Yes, go ahead, Kelly. One, two, three, go. It's a spoonful of sugar.

Help the medicine go down. I love that. Oh, does that make me happy? Does that make you happy? It's stunned the whole room with a heart. It gave us all the words to show we have a heart. I think that's me for all of us. The other way I'm going to come down when he gets angry.

Is it singing? Only that makes me calm down, if I get pissed, I, she starts singing that. Back then, she starts singing that and it calms you down. Yeah. It makes you like, this close to a serial killer. That's like something in a serial killer movie where like, guys, like just a spoon.

It's from what, the sound of music. It's very poppin. It's very gay. It really is a trigger. It's a fucking trigger It's very gay. It really is a trigger. It's a fucking trigger to calm me down. When he was like four years old, sitting there, Mary Poppins was on. He was all fucking happy.

And now it's just the last time I've been... That's what sound molested him and it all went downhill. I've been molested. Have you ever molested Mauricia? No, I did a lot of molestation. I'm not. I've never had... Never happened to me, but I do it a lot.

You have to touch Dicks. That's what I'm into. Touching them. I'm rude to him. I have to touch Dicks, that's what I'm into. Touching them. I'm rude to I don't ask and should I just reach? So really, in this room right now, who's Dick would you touch first? In order. In order.

All right, let's go. Why would you do that? I want to know. I'm okay with where I'm at in the long run. Well, he went from, I would touch his dick to not touch his dick with that shirt on before I hit him. Come on, Mom, see, so many shirts, great. Oh, come on, Marisi, so my shirt was great. No, now you look like something like you work at NASCAR.

Oh, and actually truly, it truly just offended me that she wouldn't touch my dick first. But the glasses back, you got to put the glasses in the shirt back on a shit. We all classy. Oh, no. Oh, hey. You looking like a Puerto Rican who's too eager

to be in this country. That's what you look like. So excited to be here, shit. I would definitely start right here to the right. What was his name? Pat, Pat Dixon. I was start right there because of the suit and the hair and shit I like that shit.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. Pat's like the American dream, you know. It's like, for a girl like Har, coming over here, it's like, wow, just wait, come to my house. Gwensen only, that's the nickname of my dick too.

American dream? No, it's actually called Gwensen's shirt. That's just like this on. You live in the suburbs or some shops? No, I live in Queens. I pass dresses like this on the sidewalk every day over in a story or two. Can't really, can't you tell me what the stores are?

Cause it's hard to find its name in the picture. Over on Broadway, South of 31st Street. I'll go there. Next to the bake way. I'll pick you something up. Who's dick would be second on that list? Second. Well now he's to the bottom list. We know that right off from the bottom. He's at the bottom Okay, I'm about to figure out the middle right can I involve the cameraman is he part of this

Who are we going to pretend like he's here? No, we know he's at the top of the list because he got that blue collar Look he's more like a sexual fantasy and shut. I wouldn't tell my girlfriends, but I will suck his dick, but I wouldn't tell anybody. Cause he's a working class hero. I let leave the care. I'm trying to get, I'm trying to move up. I'm not trying to date people who's not doing well with that dollar bill. That's what I'm trying to get right now.

So obviously I'm next then. So definitely right here. Oh Jesus Christ. Cause he's somebody, he's the only person who's really somebody, right? He is somebody. So he's going to get in there I say we need a name even though I don't sell the like we need a name for this Right, I guess I'm a name Name is like my ass pussy. That's what I need. This your name is my

Name is a cop my ass pussy is a comedy theater. You need to fill that shit Pushing now I understand what's going on I thought this was a hundred percent woman Well, that is a compliment. Thank you because I haven't even got my tits yet That's what I'm trying to get you gotta get it. It's said that's always struggling because I like to eat It's like I'm trying to stay thin, but I also want to eat because I want to get you get it. It's that's always struggling because I like to eat like I'm trying to stay Then but I also want to eat because I want to get a little chubby to look like I have to tell her how to get to What you have to do as you have to go in the road for a long time

And trying not to fuck women Smoke cigarettes a drink or use drugs stop your feelings Yes, stop your feelings disconnect from people you. And then lie in the bed all day until the show time. And then just fill yourself up on fucking El Polo Trapacal from around 12.30 to around 4.30 in the morning. That's how you get tips. You will have tips. That's how I'm trying to get the,

I'm not trying to get it that way. Are you gonna get to complicate? Are you gonna, are you gonna, are you gonna get your, uh, P.P.s, knit? Now I'm going to keep it. You like it? I'm going to keep it. Yeah, I'm comfortable. I'm going to keep it. Yeah. I'm comfortable.

I'm going to keep it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not trying to get a mutilated and look like a mashed up donut. I don't want to do that. That's what I never, they can take a penis and turn it into a vagina. Why can't they take a penis and install it on my mattress? You know what I mean?

Or a vagina on my mattress. Sorry. If you could put orpheus on furniture. What did you say you want a penis on your mattress? I was, I, uh, or, yeah. I think you fucked up. Yeah. I furniture you want a penis on your mattress. I was a Me yeah, I think you fucked up. Yeah, I think you say why can't we get a vagina and put it on my mattress? Well, let's move on to the donut All of these dollopinus on your mattress Permanently

Now you don't have a boyfriend Nobody right now don't have a boyfriend. Nobody right now. No. You get what you want. She's adorable. She is. Carriedly looking.

Would you fuck a girl? Ah. Really? That's disgusting to me. You want it? I got it. I'm not trying to go into your seafood restaurant. You don't like it.

What about half a girl like Kelly? I'm not trying to see the calamari. I'm trying to see that sausage. That's what we're trying to do. So the last time he had some VJJ, what was that? Never never happened. Never never. You've never seen a pussy. No, you don't wake up one day like when you 27 and realize this is that you like dick. I've been like in dick what I was walking on my tippy toes as soon as I was a baby. That's the reverse for us. He put me in the wrong body. That's what I'm that's the problem here

That's why science needs to fix that shit That's right. I'm taking my hormone shots and that's what we do No, we understand for guys in here. We grew up liking pussy and then at some point in a Early 20s. We wanted to suck a dick too. Just me just me Somebody I thought you do I get a jump on the fucking bandwagon. I got a dick for you to suck. Hang on, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy with the dick to suck. Now you're not circumcised.

No. It's a little stuffa-lover-guess. That's right, looks like a clansman. Does the whole mind's affected? Do you take in whole minds and stuff to affect your peepie? Nah, that's just stuck it's hard okay yeah stands to attention your balls get small now now the balls you know we're very feminine well I saw your video which is a hit video did you see the video yet I saw a couple of them

ones from Caroline's is that the one you know no no his video her video sorry I saw a video Caroline's no offense well you need to correct that shit I did I did I did I did I did that was a long time ago I know I was looking at your shoulders. I fucked up Maurice. That was more Lisa Marisa Yeah, he's got a rabbit. She's got a rap video. Oh my god. I see that. No, I have not seen it It's out there from Boston you people are a little slow out there. I know we are like you got hidden the head with our cameras some Do you have it hooked up? Do you have it hooked up to the sound system? No, we'll do it baby You should have done it before so we didn't make this fucking sound but good push quick

Jesus Kelly. Yeah, good. This is the rap video that Marisa did which is I mean how many views is this one got? Which is I mean how many views is this one got? I'm not sure I've been to 700,000 700,000. 700,000. I was in it. I was in the video. Yeah. Pats in the video. A bunch of yonnest poppers, friends.

He brought down the shit. It was fun. Here we go. Did you film? Right here. Hey y'all, don't say it. We're going to play you next. Yeah, that's one of my favorite songs, baby.

Are we still on air? Yeah. All right. That's all you enjoy.. Holy shit! And I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm

saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it!

I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it!

I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it!

I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! I like it! More riser, that's the name of a mob Spread my wings, I'll be so sore I'm high into the sky Tired to watch, I'll have my butterflies I don't eat me and I don't eat fish Keep my eyes for tears

Watch it, I'm a listerin, that's it Eat silence for breath, feel that's it Keep my shit very rigorous That's it You don't use those deep skits Stop my clock, you're shit Pop that radio And that's it. You're going to be those devs keep stopping my club, you're shit. Hey, my middle radio. And that's it.

I only take it. And the holy shit. I like to drink yellow sale. That's it. Let me see that change every card. I've been clubbed you shit. Don't you look at my feet. That's it.

Take it to sale. Holy shit. I shop for a candidate to stay friendly with the planet. Love me some cabbage. Eat up on top of this, man. That's it. Cheat down with the planet love me some cabbage That's me The whole thing but that if you want to check out that video Where is that go to YouTube just type in more research you're going to find it? Funny how funny is that kind of well done to it's unbelievable. Did you see you wash your ass pussy?

I would do the company that they also did the my videos my dating videos that you haven't seen you should have I shouldn't have got what you to see it cuz maybe you'll be interested in me I'll go with you on the road and sir would you go with calling on the road travel with him? He's cute calling would you take maricia on the road with you to open? Why not you would He needs a name. I was y'all can handle Yeah, like you said 23 hours of doctor presion Are you ready to take me out? We got to eat Ruby Tuesday's all that shit That's classic that's why I like to go. I love Ruby Tuesday. I like to hit that solid bar

They got endless pieces shit, and I like that shit. Cause pees and listerink, he's like, I asked pussy clean. That's it. That's it. That's how I keep my shit clean and hygienical. Hygenical, huh? That's right.

I would love to take you on the road. But I don't know if my wife would let that happen. I don't know if I would like to go on the road with you. What kind of places are you playing? How big is the capacity? We are playing. We are playing. We big is the capacity? What are you crying? You crying? You crying?

I gotta say one TV as soon as it's big. It's the big people there. That's what I'm asking. How many people come into see? It's even set of feeling we have a giant fucking empty arena. There's nothing worse than having a nice 500 cedar and around 20 seats afold. And then not in the front row either.

No, just kidding. I know your career is going good. No, no, I would love that. I mean, I would take you on the row with me, sweetie. Well, when we go to you, you ever do any shows in Paris? No, I don't do that. You'd have to actually go with Collins for that. I'm not trying to go to Cleveland. You're taking me to Cleveland?

No, I wouldn't even go to Cleveland. Oh, I'm right. No, we're not Jim N Jim nor I got Cleveland this week a hot I sold out for sure I can't sell one in fucking Florida because those fucking cocks I could but Cleveland No, the worst thing about Jim not the spend a whole time treshing Jim, but it could easily turn into that He actually says to us fellow comedians trying to get our own struggles. Yeah, I can't sell out in Florida Like he'll say it like expect us to go on it screwed up man. What can I do to change? Florida like he'll say it like expect us to go on it screwed up man what can I do to change

It's hard for everybody right now though you just sold out in Miami you did a show that's right Yeah, the yana's poppies show we do it together. It's fun. It's a lot of how many seats are we talking about just like a couple hundred and Carro lines and things like this like the Miami improv and a couple of other venues and show the Miami improv you sold the fuck up. That shit was fun I'll tell you down there. Oh you just dropped about that Miami that places off the hook nobody works the day job everybody does cocaine and shit. I like that place That city really never sleeps in shit for three days everybody's coked up and shit. I like that shit No shit, and where are you are you from Puerto Rico? Lower aside New York City. Oh you grew up there You supposed to do your research isn't this your pocket? I it is, but I'm trying to lead you as what they call it Oh, all right, okay, I know these things, but it would be I so you're business is new to me So I'm trying to figure it out. Oh, you doing a good job

Thank you very much Bobbysh Bobbysh, where are you from? He looks like a cherub Don't look like a cherub that grew up and shit and he's out of work Don't you look like a cherub that grew up and shit and he's out of work? Final times they didn't want to employ him anymore because he got to Oh They took it they took it with my bow you're a former child story The angels gave you back and shit put you down to earth because you used to eat too many cheeseburgers. Oh Shit me if I don't see a picture with you in a fucking diaper with a bone error. I'm gonna be furious

No, I'd be I'd be great I think the funniest line ever someone trashed me was Quinn one time on Halloween Showed up and he said I was in costum everybody was in costum except for me And he said what are you supposed to be a trinket on the way out of the airport in Hawaii? Is that it? Something like that. I got what we're going for. I started.

So call. Yes. You've been working, you've been working in Brooklyn for a while at Creek in the cave. You made a joke about it. Queens, Queens, where were the fucking is? I don't work those altrums. They don't want me. Ah, go on.

I'm kidding. I'd love to work. Oh, yeah. Sure. But you can do it this Saturday if you like. Oh. I'm kidding. I'd love to work. Oh, yeah. Sure. But, uh, Saturday, if you like, oh, I use that, you show, yeah, big show comedy show. I've never been in this with it. Standup show. It's called the nearly naked lady hour. We have this woman named Vicki Bad who comes and gets nude. And, uh, she does it in a really artistic performance already kind of way. You might even like it, Marisa, but there's

a bacon bar. You can get bacon. There's beer. It's everything. He just insulted me. No, there's a bacon bar you can get bacon. There's beer He just insulted me There's a bacon bar It's unbelievable That bacon is unbelievable It's worth this real bacon. Yes For sale. Yeah, well for ten bucks you get bacon you get beer you get to see Look at his eyes look at his eyes right now. This bacon's unbelievable. I don't know what they do, but it's amazing.

But yeah, it's a show. And you never seen Pat. Pat is like, it's almost like you're really too into those strippers. There's like something going on. It's like we're connection there. I think you maybe like Joel Gray and Cabaret type guy, you know? Well, maybe. I don't know what that means.

The strippers at the club. Maybe. The strippers at the show. Yeah, yeah, know, well, maybe I don't know what that means. The strippers at the club. The strippers at the show. Yeah, yeah, actually, well, this one, we're all bacon dude. They're gonna pull down the back and I go stripping on the phone. I'm talking about. You know, hosts are like burl asks. Is that what comedy has come to to sell a ticket? You have to have strippers bacon and fucking.

Well, you don't have to, but it makes the show a hundred times better. I mean, you're absolutely right. You don't get it, it's ironic. So they're not really, you're not really ogling strippers. You're supposed to be laughing. You're like, I'm not really getting a hard on right now. I'm just ironically enjoying the old days of

burlesque comedy. Right. When you get to, you know, Jerkhoven to them, but you don't tell anybody. Right. Because that's kind of a funny, that be disgusting. Vicki Bad is definitely spank bag material too. I mean, she starts it's not like the kind of stuff we go out like we have a no glove,

a no glove policy with the gloves and they take off and like you can see a hand, you know, and all that stuff. No more of that. We know what your hands look like. I thought you were talking about for the audience members. Oh, the bear handed really. Whoa. I can die cold Kelly. The hamburger helper guys out.

But she she actually before one show she she completely nude she's standing in a tub And she starts shaving herself. She shaves her armpit. She shaves her legs. She shaves her snatch Right in front, you know, friend. That's how to get that's how to get people Yeah, but it gives people to show on time, you know, that's the opener. Why would you want to do that in public? Well, you don't like the shave in the snatch. And now it's not just needs to be in private and shit. That's only for making babies. That's the only good use that has in my life It's got other uses for me. So wait a minute. You so that she you can see her vagina. Yeah, actually Yeah, how many show how many was there she saw it? She was shaving her pussy at the show. Yeah, not me

But the girl. You're all cute. I saw her and went and just looked and just felt all these other comedians like getting boners beside me. I went, I'm just gonna have a cigarette right now. Well, you felt the comedians getting boners? Well, you feel in the room everyone's getting really hot. It's just warm. It's crowded.

It's really hot in here guys. Yeah, it's a great show. It's awesome show. I've never, well, I've never seen this because strippers and bacon and fun. Because once last time you did a burrow show, once last time you went out of it and had to do it. I've just invited you.

Yeah, it's one stop away from Grand Central Station, not the 7. That's where you'd be taking the train there. This Saturday. Yeah, this Saturday. I'm out of town. That's why I never get invited. You're starting working. When's the next one?

December 29th. You want to do December 29th? I will. All right. Bobby Kelly, Crepe McCabe. I don't know if I'll be around. Here's the problem. Here's what I, here's the problem with me.

This is why I feel like I need to stop being on the road. I've been on the road every fucking week. I used to be at the seller all the time. I used to be in the city and hang it out and doing these despots and seeing other comedians. I've been by myself on the fucking road for month after month after month. And I thought I had this weekend off and I'm in fucking caturizing star. And then I'm going away for vacation. Finally, I'm taking a vacation. I gotta take some time off. I gotta I never did a show of Marisa. I never I've never done a show. Yeah, it's been a while since we did that But you're on the road getting that money you getting that money. So you're complaining. But that's the thing is though. Here's a problem with the road. He's over there getting paid and baking and shit. That's what you want to go on. I'm giving him chicken and chicken. He's in beer and shit.

You're out there getting that money, getting on TV. That's what you need to be doing. Okay, there's a gap between being famous, making the money and where Pat is at. Well, yeah. I mean that will put that- Wait, don't rub it in.

But the gap, I'm in the, but I see, I'm not saying I'd rather be where you are at, but what I'm saying is where you're Oh, of course I didn't take it that way at all. I would kill to be where pets are. Are you running your fucking mind? You killed to be where my Aunt Peggy's pregnant Listen, here's the deal. Just take the pictures for the show. Why you can speak anytime. I mean, nobody film. I'm not calling on people, asshole. We're just disgusting things. Talking, you can talk whenever you want. What I'm saying is though,

sometimes it's worse to be in that middle spot because I'm making enough money to pay my bills, but I've also brought my life up to a point where I have to make this money. I don't have rent. I remember my rent used to be $325, I could make that doing spots in the city. And I wouldn't have to worry about life. I could just go around. So anything that I made above that was like holy shit gravy. Now it's like I have to make a certain amount of money each month to pay this not. Or I,

the only way to stop it was to be to sell my place, go back to renting in a burb, go move to a burb, pay like 1,500 bucks where my wife could make some of that and I could make it doing spots. And then I could say no to some of these gigs. Yeah, financially it does work out. I go to the Looney, Ben, and Oklahoma City, right? And I come back and I live with Joe Liss for the rest of my life. Right. Yeah.

I mean, financially it works out. You don't have to worry about it. You can pay your rent, pay and handle it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And live with Joe Liss. You don't have to worry about it. You can pay your rent paying handling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And live with Joe Liss. You just went to the bottom of the list. I'm not trying to fuck anybody with roommates. That's all.

From the top to the bottom, that's how quick it happens. As the information comes in, the seasons are made. I'm sitting here listening, plotting and planning, and perusing everybody's shit. I'm out here perusing. I'm sitting here listening, plotting and planning and perusing everybody's shit. I'm out here perusing, I'm listening. Where did you pay $350 a month? There's what I like to know. 97th and Lex, Billy Burr's old department.

He moved to LA because he got a gold pilot with Molly Ringwall. And called the Redheads. No, I forget what it was called. I forget it was back when Crossey Warner was big, and then a given-out pilot. I remember when it was getting us development deals. Development deals.

That was you guys missed the goal, and he was famous. Yeah. Well, chicken ruined it for everybody. He's the guy. You know what I mean? Chicken went to Montreal. He was huge, and like getting laughs every come up stage. He was chicken.

His name was chicken. He would hump you. He'd say, here's my impression of up stage. He was, his name was chicken. He would hump you. Say here's my impression of Bill Clinton. He'd come out and hump people's face and the audience and stuff like that. And he was killing in clubs. He went to Montreal. They gave him a bunch of money.

His manager said, don't give him anymore shows. We got the deal. They don't want to see him anymore. You know, we didn't want anybody to change their mind or anything. Then he ended up hanging himself a couple of years ago. Really? Yeah. And his old school yard down in Florida, yeah.

Yeah, it's for real. So that's what happens when they suddenly choked the chicken. Right. That was a good way. You got that. Oh, wait, Lewis on fire. Lewis on fire. Wait, the machine didn't record that.

Don't you put that t-shirt on fire. God, I forgot to say. Look at Kelly. What mate? That's fucking interesting. That's what you're ass look at it. Kelly. What mate? That's fucking hilarious. That's what, that's what you Australian sound tough. What mate? What mate? What?

What? What are you ready to go? I diffused anger. Beel, beel, beel, beel. Do you understand though, that's one of the things that makes Australian guys, I wouldn't fuck with one of them? Because you don't know how much rage they really have. A guy from Boston, New York, you know when he goes from,

fuck, I'll fucking tell you, you see that rage come out. Those guys are like, all right man, let's do this, Mike, let's fucking, let's go for a test. Maybe just make nice ones. Oh, I hate your voice. I love you Kelly. Yeah, it's scarier, it's scarier to me. Some guy who doesn't have the inflection go up and down.

That's right. And it's just like, all right, let's fucking tussle then. Right, what? I'm not fucking with this. Like those goddamn English motherfuckers, I don't like them either. Because that accent is very, you know, all right, mate, you won't fucking do this. Let's fucking do this then. Let's fucking it and take this jacket off.

All right, come on, mate. The Irish are the worst, dude. The Irish are terrifying, yeah. It's honest. It's like they still like you, but they're about to fucking beat the shit out of you. They don't mind fighting. Like we were fucking mind fighting like we were fucking like here's it Here's a truth as tough as we try to be we might get a truth in the True

Did I had a fucking Irish guy at a bar? A little fuck's not on the show. I'm trying not to swear all right. Sorry. I'm trying to have a baby I was A little bit. Thank you Mauricio. We're trying to class it up. There was a Irish guy at a bar who was maybe five foot six, a hundred and twenty pounds. And I forget how it even happened, dude, but I said something to him like, hey, do you got a fucking problem? Did he crack his neck and said, let's take it outside, mate. And then I was like, I'd fuck this dude, a hundred pounds.

This little tiny guy, dude, if somebody is that small, they know some shit. Here's the deal though. If you ever do that with that shirt on, I will fucking kill you. Now you're goddamn American. Dude, if you saw somebody wearing this shirt and they tried to fight you, you'd fucking run in the opposite direction. That's it.

That shirt? Oh my god, I love that shirt. I love that goddamn shirt. Captain America. But what was it, you ever getting to a fight, Marissa? Back in the day, that's how it was in the low-reason, I used to play basketball and shit. I was tough, that's how it was in the low recent show used to people like basketball and show used to yeah I was tough that's it used to handle my shirt you go do you

good at hope still sometimes that's where if I take you on the day I'm going to protect you on the train you don't have to worry about that I go to the Bronx to me my friend Larissa I'm going to protect you somebody tries to cut you some shot I'm going to be the one to protect it is true trend training I'm like what be the one to protect it is true trend trend. I am a lot what are you? Third sex trans gender. Okay. Third sex people sex people Trans sexual but I'm not I'm not I'm not snobby you could call me a tranny. I don't get a trend gender Let's be LBGT let's not pretend like we don't know the fucking terms

How to school go search those motherfuckers No, a tranny chaser when I see one as shit. Yeah, some of the toughest I don't chase them. I hunt them. I catch. Yeah, there's some of the toughest people around. Yeah, we have to deal with shit. We got to deal with discrimination.

They all grew up in a ghetto. Like, and they all have to, you know, fight their way from childhood. The ones we like grew up in the ghetto. Because we don't like the white ones, the thin white ones. I don't think there aren't many thin white ones in it. No, there are. You get to look for them though.

Yeah, something about somebody who is white who becomes a tranny, they can't put the illusion off. Right. They can't put it off for some reason. Now you get to have an olive kind of skinny. The Spanish or Asian would be the best tranny. It's black and white now. Well, like Norton talked about it about is like you go with the ghetto

You know You know it always turns you off when you're looking as an anchor tech to from when he was a guy You know they may know some you know they mean some panther Coming down his back is show the blade where he used to try to work out hard to get that panther Yeah, that's the tattoos the turn off To us You're you're training onto this nearly naked off. Yeah. Two, two us. You should wear your training onto this nearly naked show.

Yeah. Yeah, well, I'd like to dance on that show. I would love to have you dance on that show. Oh, I'm about to go with Bob. We've been trying to expand the show. Yeah, that'd be awesome. We've been trying to pay me to come. Oh, 40 bucks?

40 bucks. I pay you in bacon. I get that working on back pages that's the old school now I'm gonna leave you a $200 shit $200 bucks 200 at least I don't go nowhere for two I won't even jerk you off for less than 200 thousand yeah well yeah we'll go 200 sure but when you go to the Miami and probably you have a door deal that yeah that thing to have a door deal yeah I think they have a door deal. Yeah, I think they do a door deal. You want to talk about money because you're a classy lady.

I was gonna say, obviously somebody's ripping you off because I think they have a door deal. Oh, I can just see that. I already handed the money, I'm sure it's my amy for $200. No, I'm saying is I can just see that salivating club owners when I hear that. I think there's a door deal.

I'm not sure, I don't know what the hell they do it. You got to find out. I get that money though, that money's been good. I'll tell you that. That's been good, door deal. I'm not sure. I don't know what the hell they do it. I'm gonna find out. I get that money though. That money's been good. I'll tell you that. It's been good. Yeah, because I'm, you know, I'm still on back pages of shit. I'm still doing my things sucking dick on the side.

It shit doesn't look like that. Oh, you sucked dick on the side. It's right on more back pages of shit. What happened? Ah, hook. That's what I do. Is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, there's no shame in my game is shit?

Is it, when I'm asking questions. I find my ads on line of shit. My shit is always classy. My brother takes the pictures. That's how we do it. I'm gonna go my ass or not is shit much of this always classy my brother takes the pictures The 100% real is shit 200 roses to hang out with me that's it 200 that said at least have you ever kicked a guy out? What do you mean kicked him out like is a guy ever you have a photo up over man?

Yeah, you can't stick you need to come over clean I don't want your balls to be smelling like Hiroshima. That's just need to be smelling nice Don't you hate that on a summer day? I need you to shower then come to the house Who's that above your head by the way speaking of balls? Oh, that's my card. That's my card From Kelly Kelly gave me that right there. Oh nice So so you so for 200 bucks you come over and you're giving nice hand job. That's right. That's right. I suck it. Take for $200. I suck it. Oh, you'll suck it for 200. Oh my god. And job sucking is the same. I'm trying to get it over with quick. So I know the hand job takes a

little longer. So I put that mouth on there. Bap, bap, bap, and I'm a professional. I had to take care of a squeeze. I can I could tell right away how much pressure you need right away I could tell Wow, I could just tell by your face. I can tell she's in I mean when she says that I believe that she knows yeah, I could just tell right from your facial expression I'm perusing that shit immediately Perusing that face to see what's making you tint a late and what are you like doing like what's your favorite? What's your go to I'm telling you right now? I enjoy my job I have to say people say your life is a success.

I'm success if you like what you do. And I always love dick. That's what I like. What are you like doing to the dick? I like making that shit. I'm milking it. I like getting what's in that out. Yeah.

Am I the only one getting fucked up right now? It's like she's got a large order of fries and one pack and a ketchup. It's squeezing out every drop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, He thought the room was fully goes I can come back another day I go no I need you The reason the people it's just such a beautiful You know stand is like but that roommate situation is terrible. Oh, especially Joe list It's not just you're on the road a lot people in it

Joe list Jason can't us some Indian guy here's that part. Yeah, Jason canner a word. Oh, yeah, Jason canter You know, he's the guy that voice kicked He broke his ribs in the cold Actually on his winner the guy that boss kicked And my favorite thing about voice, but just occasionally think stereotypes don't exist Voice calls me right after I I kicked this kid Jason canter. I think I broke his ribs And I go on man like voice really feels like you know what's going on like you know vulnerable like yeah, I don't know if you felt bad for the kid Just worried about his whole what I want to boss me. I wonder if he goes I wonder if he's gonna so me

But he did yeah, I had to ruin my god damn little story I can't even say WC you said CW I fucked up dude I know and I fucked up a lot of love and I fucked up the main level is that I stepped on it the second level that I'm a dumb Dumb like the third level that I come back on is that I'll admit it and I'll take the hit I am a fucking hunk of do do All right, well the best thing about this roommate situation is that not only do we have the number of roommates But everybody who ever lived there feels like they can come back again anytime they need to cry. Like a ghost? Yeah. Brilliant.

You nick a hollow sail overnight. Yeah. Why did Nick say that? That was a celebrity guest. I want to go back to this. Boss kicked this guy in the ribs. Is this the guy that he said something about the daughter? I thought it was.

He said that as daughters and his wife, he was like just drunken to saying he'd like to fuck Bonnie. Jesus Christ. He was asking if his daughters are all over if they just drunk and just saying he'd like to fuck Bonnie. Jesus Christ He was asking if his daughters are all over if they're hot and it was just killed in the room. They're there Oh the daughter's in the yard. I met them at the Building trying to get kicked in the room and here's our next special guest rich boss Okay, okay, but yeah, you went and boys finally just kicked him Yeah, kicked him in the fucking ribs and then it was the winter time

He went out under the cold and walked, because he was hammered. So he walked around for like three hours of broken ribs and didn't go to the hospital. Big red if he died. He just fell asleep at the snow. Well, this kid Jason is famous for being, he's the only guy that's alienated the entire business and he's never passed 59 Street in Vitamin Hatton.

And the entire industry hates him. He's already alienated the whole business. He's never even been in the house. But here's the thing though, this is what I hate about Voss is that he thinks he knows karate. He thinks he's cigar. Cause that's the, the, the, the,

he's got many more, yes. Yeah, he fucking throws kicks. But they're the worst kicks. I guarantee if you had a video of the kick that he threw at this, it would, it would look like. Broken ribbed, dude. It doesn't matter.

I see him, him and Keith Robinson We were doing this pilot for O and open Anthony right and they were supposed to box with blindfolds And then these big gloves on it was supposed to be funny But of course these two alpha male nothing So is your of where they are in the business somebody through something then boss this little want to talk about Stereotype he picked up his blindfold and Fucking threw a punch at Keith while he wasn't looking And then Keith went Keith started pounding him

Voss threw a kick like a jump kick, but his knee didn't extend fully because his jeans were too tight So then Voss picked Keith picked him up and threw him on the ground and kept going, yeah, you won't it, you won't it, now you got it, now you got it. Look at the rice whistle, isn't it? Two old men fighting and blindfolds. Yeah, it was the worst. And one having to shave, one fucking shaving bowl. The best body blindfolds. Just the best part to see Voss, he had, He flipped the glove off and picked it up.

Like we wouldn't see him do it. He picked it up just enough to look out and then put it back down. Like he put the blindfold back down so he would think it was somehow fair. Bo, can we talk about something else that I'm screaming? No. You're right to be screaming because here we are in industry.

Who's this Comedy Central probably? Yes, I was. Comedy Central who makes the living off comedians You are in industry you have two veterans of the comedy scene and these I Don't want to curse if we're not trying to curse on the show. I'm trying not to curse because I want to have a baby These in basilic low-lifes. They think they're executives go. Hey guys put blindfolds on and box What are we talking clap clap, would we clap, little gorillas on bicycles and shit?

You understand? It's like being in a circus freak. Both of those guys spent 30 years developing acts to do this. Yes! Put on blindfolds and box. Yeah. But who books that? He's got another, he's got another rage toy industry.

Yeah, he does. He's been doing some shit. Yeah, I have. Yeah the industry. Yeah, he does. He's been through some shit. Yeah, I have. Yeah, yeah. Yes, I do. Yeah, do you like that? Does that turn you on? I just see how it's a little scary in a good way.

I mean, it's unbelievable. He got on like that. I wish rage came out of you. He's sitting there going, hey, guys, but you mean one of them probably came up with the idea. It's probably another comedian. Yeah, I refused to do it. They wanted me to go around and do this stuff

and I was like, I'll be a host. I won't, I'll do a hosting. I took less money to host, because they had a seat like, you know, Kyle Embryo or Kyle Euterus mixed with all this. And I was like, I'm not eating that. It is the... It's trying to pick up Kyle Euterus with their gloves and I was like, I'm not eating that. I'm not doing it. It is the key. It is trying to pick up cow uruses

with their gloves and their blindfolds. Yeah, it was fucking gross man. It was gross, but this is the funny part. As you know, ONA has the fans, the, they call them the freaks or whatever. At any point, you can pull a freak card and have one of them do it. Like something you didn't want to do.

You go, call it and there's fucking lunatic with a dent in his bald head and like a hair lip and half a go lip and a half a go-t would come out and be like, oh, throw it. And he just fucking studied and uterus. The shooting get picked up by the way, just FYI. And this show just went to a wow, you guys really shut down, huh? I'm sorry if I depressed everyone with my reality check. I want to know, Maricia, is, it's interesting to me that you want to upgrade

by going with a white guy. He doesn't necessarily have to be white, but he has to be classy. That's an act of white. He's got to be classy. Classy. I'm not trying to tell somebody who's got his stickers on his hat and shit, the tag hanging off.

You ever see that, the kids now? They walk around looking like EZ E with the hat and the stickers and tag. It could be it could be Asian tours. Anybody? Yeah. I'm not trying to hang out with you in

the hat. Looks like you just stole it right out of the store. That's not what I'm trying to be. I'm trying to be somebody who has some type of animal on his shirt. How about the white kid that has the hat the wool hat on indoors?

How about that? Yeah. How about that sock head asshole that is wearing a wool hat in the summer just to look fucking. Oh, you mean like one of those hips, this is like, that shit. You like that? I really like that. That's that classy shit. That's in my neighborhood right now. You got drink those dollar beers or the kids got bedbugs. I like them shit. I like them shit. The beers and all that shit. The tiny lace new ballast and the quarter royals. I like dumb shit. I like dumb shit, the bids and all that shit. The tiny lace, new ballast and the corduroyers. I like that, the classic shit. You think that's classy?

That's classy, that's pretty good. You're the Jake Jullen hole look. Yeah, that classy. You go to the bar and the bar doesn't even look finished. They got no linoleum on nothing. But it's like trendy and shit, like the brick is there. Yeah, I like that shit. I don't like those sock head motherfuckers.

Whether we're the hat and it's kind of pulled halfway off. You don't like to fill the photographer? Yeah, like, he that looks like a hip store, he looks like a rapist in a police sketch. The motherfuck shadow. He does look like a rapist is beautiful. He looks like the generic fucking rapist in every lawn auto sketch. But that's right exactly like he looked like a

psionic, right? Like he looked like he dropped down trees and shit. But he never probably did any work like that in his life. Look at those soft hands of shit. But his family got money. That's why I like them. They classy. They come from that real money and shit. From Westchester. They come from up there. They got the whole money. The mini version shit. That's what I'm trying to get up there. I'm not trying to be down on one. What are you gonna do when you from up there. They got the whole money. The minivers and shit. That's I'm trying to get up there I'm not trying to be down. What are you gonna do when you're up there though? Going to organic shop I'm going to the on organic shopping place. I'm going to be getting that fucking the almonds and the kale I'm going to have the minivan the kids going to be fighting in the back

I'm going to say kids don't fight you gonna have kids. Yeah, they're going to be in the back fighting I'm gonna get kids don't fight and then the woman going to say, you want to use plastic bags for that produce? I'm gonna say, are you kidding me? I'm trying to help the environment. Give me that recyclable shit. The recyclable bag. I'm not trying to hurt the environment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's kind of saying and beautiful, isn't it? It is, it's very, it's very, it's very beautiful. What's the big green? I'm trying to be green right now. So you want a mini van. It's a kid. You got to it, and it has to be fuel efficient.

I'm trying to get that fuel efficient shit. She's trying to be like a milk flake, you know. Nice circle. That's it has to be fuel efficient to get that fuel efficient shit Trying to be like a milk like a nice. Sock. I'm on that's my dream to be a sock. I'm on that's bad You you got a girlfriend. Yeah, I do yeah long term. I've been seeing her for about a year the last short Chrissy. Yeah, I you know my ex girlfriend was just on Letterman really who's yeah Carmen Lynch? Oh Oh, shit. I gotta hurt you broke up. I'm gonna she made it to TV. No, no I'm making bad decisions now you got to hurt you broke up and then she made it to TV. No, no, I'm making bad decisions Now you got to show it a baking bar is shit You made the wrong decision in your life your girlfriend's are letterman you and you and the queens were baking is shit Who's this new chick she's failing you?

Everybody I know he's your chick. She's great definitely check her out doing her set on letterman Carmen Lynch and when you look at her Go ahead, Dixon, Dixon fucked up. She did the same thing for her hat on Letterman. So make sure you check it as big in bar show. Oh, I wish she would have, if only, yeah. So how come you broke up with her and she gave you? I don't know, man, we have great sex. We would have sex, it would go so long and so good that when we were done for like 20 minutes,

all she could do was lay there and master bet. Wow, the way we're done, yeah. She would always, yeah, when we were done, she just have to lay there and play with herself because she was so excited, I guess. The new one, the old one. The old one. And she left you?

Well, we broke up. No. Really? Yeah, I broke up with her, but she kind of gave me every reason to do it. Why'd you break up with her? Ah, she was about to go to the middle. She was going to the Middle East for three weeks.

She racist, what's wrong with you? I don't like that. It's like, if you're doing, you must go. She was laughing to the Middle East for three weeks. She racist, what's going on here? I don't like this one. It was like, if you're doing US, she was laughing. She was laughing in her career. Just fucking smack him on the ass. She didn't, yeah, didn't work out. She was going to US, she was going to help the troops. I had to do it.

It was either, yeah, I broke up with her, but it wasn't because she was going, no. No, I just had to do it before she left. Why do you hit America, baby? I wasn't gonna let it. Hit America, you're sure. You look at my shirt, love it before she left. Why do you hit America, baby? I wasn't gonna let it. Hit America, you're sure. You look at my shirt, love it or leave it. America.

You tellers don't run. Yeah, why did you bring up with it for going to the Middle East? It wasn't for going to the Middle East. It's just that with the timing of it. That was just about to go out of town. I'm like, well, I gotta do it now. You know, with it.

You have to save for three weeks. So yeah, exactly. So I have to wait until she got back. You could have waited. I mean, it's a fucking war zone. She might have at least fucking died over there and known that she had somebody loved her back here. Yeah, you said that they're broke. You're a terrible Patrick. I know. I get it. Dude, I remember one time when I was 14, I broke up with a girl on her birthday. Because I in my head, I was like, I don't

want to, I don't want to fake this on. I don't want to ruin her birthday by being fake with her on her I call her up in the morning. It's like I can't come to your birthday party. I don't want to be with you anymore And girls birthdays have everything today I woke up on a girl sitting downstairs here Years ago because I started seeing a goat lived across the street This is like night. This is in thes. And I said that she was waiting tables. And I go, hey, listen, I just wanna tell you, I'm with this gold, of course, a street now.

So I just, because I didn't want them to run into each other, I was too paranoid, I was only saving my own skin. She's sitting there with a fucking tray crying. Oh my God. I thought that was like fine. Did you ask for the check after all? I was just thinking, I'm trying to save a drop of waiting.

I'm gonna drop my fork. I'm gonna be a Lucy Peppy. I was gonna Lucy Peppy's bird. Lucy Peppy. A little fat Italian girl. A little portally peppepot. Yeah, and I think it was a second grade. I was gonna Lucy Peppy's party.

And we were kind of boyfriend and girlfriend. Lucy Peppy's Piper party. And I was crying because I had no gift. I couldn't afford a gift. So my mom gave me a necklace. I wanted her old fucking shitty necklaces. And I gave it to Lucy Pepe on her birthday. That's cute though, that's nice. That's cute.

Probably nicer than any gift you really got. Nah, it broke when I gave it to her. It was really cheesy. Oh, but she didn't end up on Letterman, did she? No. But then you won. There's only one loser here to the right. That's true, I do lose.

Did you watch the set? No, I haven't seen it. Let's watch it right now. No, I the right. That's true. I do lose. Did you watch the set? No, I haven't seen it. Let's watch it right now. No, I'm getting it. I'm getting. We'll watch it and laugh the whole time. What a great comment. What's your name? She's great.

Carman, man. She's great. I've never done let him know. Can you pull a rubber? I haven't done let him know. I haven't done let him know. How about the fact that Pat did let him in? Pat you did let him in a few times.

You've done let him in? Never did let him in. Pat's dress like he's on letterman every day. You're just like you book letterman patchy. We're a few times. You've done let him never did let it dress like he's on letterman every day. You just like you book letterman. It's the east of transition back into the day job. Oh my god. That's hot. Can I see that?

Can he told she's like six put six? She slammed the best ball. She six. She's six. What are you talking about Patrick? What is wrong with you? She's gorgeous. If I were to have Puerto Rican, I guess half Spanish, half regular.

I want to see the new regular What's regular? Do you know what regular is? Yeah, she does stand up. You like dating girls with headshots. Look, here's the thing man With it. There's a professional comedian. You know the kind of women that I prefer the women You know that I find the most sexy amateur comedians Right. Yeah, Joe deRosa fucking rules. Yeah.

Get him while they're still fucking telling shitty jokes. Joe, I like that joke. Good joke. Did you really? Joe, yeah, Joe goes to fucking open micers to get fucking dates. He shows up because that's only where he's kind of famous. Dude, Joe tried to pull some bullshit. Dude, we went up to fucking Liberty live.

He was like, uh, he was like listen, bro. I fucked a lot of checks. I'm like, Joe, you realize I'm more of a fucking dude than you are. So I'm trying to fucking play some sort of a role with me. You're not even that further ahead of me and fucking comedy to be playing this fucking game. He was like, he was like, you got on the phone with Keith.

He was like, Keith, I should kick Lewis out of the car right now. It's like, Joe, with whose fucking help are you kicking me out of the car? I'll kick you out of your own car. With his shoulders, he can do that. Seriously, you're out of your own car. What are you gonna do? Lewis is not the guy.

If you're gonna fuck with Lewis, you better be able to, in your head, have the fight. Already planned out. Seriously, if Joe tried to pull some high jinks with him, he would have fucking taken, throw him out of the car, and drove off. Well, no, a fucking Joe would even think of it in terms of a physical fight. He'd just go like, okay, get out of the car and drove off. Yeah, I fucking Joe would even think of it in terms of physical fight. He'd just go like, okay, get out.

That's it. He expected to just listen to it. Yeah. Yeah, he looks like the type of dude if he's fighting, he don't stop even if he's losing. You just keep going. You got some anger. Did I fight and I cry at the same time?

Yeah, it all comes out. Yeah, when I did a gig in the 80s at a friend Jimmy Labriola, and we had a gig, he was like an Italian kid from Corona Queens, and he's smoking, you know, everybody who's a smog, and the other gig in the 80s at a friend Jimmy Labriola and we had a gig he was like an Italian kid from Corona Queens and he's smoking you know You ever use a smoke and the other guy in the car with us. I forget his name He's like I think he was he was I don't know if he was the headliner or not probably was me, but who knows Jimmy the MC of the guy goes hey man, could you not smoke? We're driving from the improv used to leave us He was could you not smoke? I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. Can you be pulled to a car over like night?

Get the fuck out. What? Fuck out of my car right now. Get the fuck out. Get the door. Get the fuck out of my car. Get the fuck out. I'm just driving off the gate.

I miss those days. I miss those days. You know what I mean? When those fucking cock suckers, you get a nice pounding. Yeah. I miss that goddamn day. Now you can't do that. It's a bunch of fucking

dudes who fucking you know it's suit yeah you get sued you can't kick a guy in the ribs anymore no I missed those days back in the day get the fuck out of the car you cock suck God you said hey could you not smoke I'm allergic Joe Derosa wouldn't be in comedy back in those days he'd be kicked out he'd have to come up with a character like Bob cacto Joe de Rosa, ¿no se va a ser en cómode en estos días? Se ha sido descargada. Tienes que ir con la character, como un bomba de batalla, para que se pueda ir al lado. ¡Ahh! ¡Ahh! ¡Ahh! ¡Ahh!

¡Oh boy! ¡Cruxen! ¡Oh boy! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consult't get to be called just Nate. Yeah. And you have to give the town where he's from like from Nashville. Rowan,

Oktenas. You have Rowan. There you go. You can't just say Nate. Yeah, it's not like it's not Chris like Chris rock. Louie. I wanted to get out. We were stopped in like almost dead stop traffic and I want to smoke and it was like, no, you got to get a, we were stopped in, like, almost dead stop traffic and I want to smoke. And I was like, no, you got to get a card to smoke. So as soon as I got out, the traffic broke and they just fucking took off. And they, you've heard this story, Marisa, fuck it, you did? Yeah, you heard this story. I don't know what you're talking about, what are you talking about?

You never heard this story? No, you should have. The first time I've hung out with you, you think I'm hanging out with you on the weekend? Sorry. With that shirt, I'm not going to be seen with you in that shirt That's right He wants to know me so much remember I told you that story when we would be never hung out I'm going to tell me I'm sorry. It was my other trendy friend

Did they fucking drove off like a model? That voice is too much without the glasses on my Glasses on the shit with the glasses on not the glasses on. I agree. What the glasses on? Not the hat. It's not like the locks next month though. All right, so dude, they drove up like a mile. Jesus Christ, you look like Eric Rivera's old manager. Take the glasses. No, he looked like a dude just got out of jail. I thought he read like two books of jail.

I converted to Islam and jail. I tried to be smart now with the glasses. We get it, you read the Quran, you read the Quran, we get it. I say bad news. I say a turtle neck. Yeah. So do they fucking drive off? They pull over.

And so you, because they pull out the video camera and they videotape me coming over like the hill. So you know, like when you, like the desert where it's like kind of like the gas in the air like that. Right, right. So I come up to, I get about 20 feet from the car, they take off again, they drive up another mile. I'm in flip flops and shorts. Oh.

Can I tell you, one here a great story. This is when I used to be Mimi, because now I'm married. You know, I'm a little gentler. I'm not as angry as I used to be and not such a fucking dink. I remember, dov David often Steve Byrne, when I went to LA, they were living out there at the time right on the beach. And Dove picks us up. I'm at Steve's house in this rent the car.

Name drop. And it sounded like a gay couple too. Dove and Steve said, Dove and Stephen. So we're driving to the car and they're like, yeah, well, yeah, you're not at the table anymore with Colin and Norton and them and they start smashing me from Santa Monica all the way to La Siena almost to sunset and I mean just and I'm taking it. I'm with a back seat. They're just making fun of me. Every joke they tell about me they're laughing at and they just trash me and I'm just smiling. I'm getting annoyed

But I'm smiling. Okay, and then Doug pulls over because I wait. I, I won't second, I gotta get something out of my trunk. I'm so David off, ooh. And he gets out, gets in the trunk, right? I get out of the car, I get in the front seat, and I take off. With, with, with, with, with, with bitch Steve and the fucking passenger seat. I was like, I kidnapped him.

I just took off. I left, Doug's on the fucking street, I'm lashing in, I got, and I took off. Steve's like, what are you doing? I'll tell you what the fuck I kidnapped him. I just took off. I left, dubs on the fucking street on Las Vegas. And I took off and I was like, what are you doing? I'll tell you what the fuck I'm doing. I'm leaving this fucking jack off. And I drove a long ways away. I'm talking 20 minutes I took off.

And I went back and stupid was walking up the hill on Las Vegas. And I pulled over, I go, you fuck with me you cocksucker I don't get that in me anymore that takes commitment. Oh, that's great. Those are the days I I want to just say real quick if you guys want to help the show You guys can go to riot cast.com slash Robert Kelly go to our page anything you buy anything I don't give you to yellow tail you like yellow tail

I do like you know we got you we got you. We got you. We got your body You serious that's for you. That's what that's what the bottle of olive oil is some shit I'm gonna open it you want some now No, yellow tail. That's yellow tail. How much does that shit cost? We bought that for you. That's for you to take home I just need to know how much of that shit cost five ninety nine you did that for me. I did I did Robert Kelly that is so nice of you You all come and how come it's been sitting here. We haven't been drinking celebrating the success was ever able to To a

Yeah, I got a little plastic glass and I'm I got Okay, I drink it. I actually I got you some plantain too because you like plantains. I told Kelly This is for you to do it. I told you to do it. You're playing plants. Yeah. Because the line right there. This is the plantains.

This is why, this is, this is, this is, this is why I have problem. Women have no common sense. You need to stick out for that. What? Take it easy. There's two ladies here. And we don't take two kindly, two people being rude. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He asked me to get plantains. What? Take it easy. There's two ladies here. And we don't take two kindly to people be a room. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He asked me to get plantains. What's that? You need to stop taking shifters. You're thinking the shit. He's from Boston. Look at him from what is that?

Look at where he was. He came from the government. She you came from Royalty. And you taking that shifters from him. I'm done. What am I supposed to do with this shit? I exactly. I told you to get a plantain to you. He's a banana, she's got me bananas, what are you trying to say? Trying to call me a monkey? Why you got me bananas? I like the shape of them, but that's it. What am I supposed to do?

Are these some plantains? I told you to get you plantains. She got you plantains not cooked. What you supposed to cook them? You want me to do this? I don't need a cooker. Not you, you buy them cooked, you fucking jackass. What?

So do any fuckin' Latin restaurants It just looks like you did an incomplete grocery shop before I wanted you to cook them for me I need you to pick me up some pasta and some pasta sauce too Alright, before we, we're gonna take a little break real quick Colin Quinn, you gotta take off Yes I do Thank you so much for stopping by, dude

Yeah, nice to meet you, so once you're next show, then we can see you on TV. I'm gonna be, I'm actually go to my website, commonlinch.com. Ah. What a scene. That hurt. Because now when I see a Montevian, I'm going to be like, I know somebody famous and shit.

This is very exciting. Maybe we'll go on the road together. That would be very nice. It's a real show. Maurizia. Maurizia, that's the Maurizia. Maurizia, Maurizia. That's, um, no a gnome the owner of the comedy so it's just popped out It is rainy white dudes now. I'm ready. They just keep coming in

Rainy white dude I got a car Colin taking easy buddy. Thank you so much Bye sweetie No, I want you sit down for a sec sit down for a sec. This is no I'm the owner of the car He looks younger in person on TV. He looks real old. Oh Colin don't Better person I make up is not working but ever that you use on television This is I know dorm in the owner of the comedy seller. How you doing everybody?

This is Pat Dome dormant the owner of the comedy seller. How you doing everybody? How you doing? This is Pat Dixon. Yeah, I know Pat. Okay, you know, uh, this is the new and improved Lewis J Gomez. Realized two to the week. Oh, realized two, you know, Kelly. And this is Mauricia. How you doing Mauricia?

Nice to meet you. Mauricia, what are you doing? Yeah, thank you very much. Sorry, that's Mauricia. That's okay. Yeah, he owns the ship. He's not in show business, is he? No, he's shaking.

You should have the microphone. He don't want to be here. He wants to go on some shit. He lives it. You know where he lives? Where is he live? West. Are you serious? That's my dream to go there.

How classy that you have a pick and fence and grass and all that shit. And a Puerto Rican wife. Do you really? I bet you don't even lock the door up there. That's how safe that shit is. The kid's got the big wheel out on the lawn. No problems with shit. Labor her watches, checking shit out in coats. We locked the door. Okay. Alright. That's just my friends. He's, yeah, this is the type of guy you're talking about. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

He's classy. Cut your wife to get you. How, what does she do to deserve that? Who is she? She pretty. I do. She's very pretty. She's half Indian, half Puerto Rican. you. How would she do to deserve that? Who is she? Is she pretty? But you know how pretty I do. She's very pretty. She's half Indian, half Puerto Rican. That bitch got there before I did. That's all she got lucky. Lucky. That's just a circumstance of the universe. She got lucky. But she don't got 3 million hits on YouTube. Does she? No, you have 3 million hits on YouTube. That's right. I do. 3 million and what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do.

That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do.

That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do.

That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm When you're down they're gonna ask it anything what if I done with my life Up that you shit to be rigorous with your shit and updated My wife's pussy is that what I'm hearing I'm telling you it's out of style that shit is too slow the wife. I don't work that quick. He got massage by a man once So what does I have to do with me, Robert?

I'm just saying. The second time you call me a man. No, no, no, no. Why are you referring to that? You're absolutely right. I'm sorry, Marisa. These bosses, you've been on a boss in what, 15 years? You don't have to act like good will hunting.

You're not. Leave out, you left boss. You don't have to act rude anymore for your persona. I apologize. Be classy and shit. I'm sorry, I'm be classy sexy. I'm sorry, baby He just came from the gym for his own podcast. Pat Dixon looks nice and then he does I'm sorry baby And we know that Bobby did not just come from the gym. That's fuck that. That's just her totally mean that just

I'm just name it facts the grass is green the sky blue Bobby did not go to the gym And your career stinks Bobby did not go to the gym, too. And your career stinks. Ugh, it does. Ah, ah, ah. We were just talking to Pat. Pat is got a new girlfriend, but his ex girlfriend was just on Letterman, which is pretty impressive.

Let me ask you a question, though. I would, I refused to date a girl with a headshot. That was my rule coming up in this business. I never wanted to not, I guess it was a little misogynistic, a little, I don't want to deal with someone else's, a little, I don't wanna deal with someone else's hopes and dreams. I don't wanna have a girl come home. You know what happened tonight at the club?

Go fuck yourself. Sure. You know what I mean? I mean, that to me, that you have to be really secure with yourself to have your girl get something that maybe you want. Sure, yeah. He doesn't want Letterman.

Yeah, you know, I wrote that off years ago. But if you want Letterman, right? You would love to do Letterman. Yeah, of course, I'd love to do Letterman. And here's your... I haven't submitted for Letterman recently. I haven't made any effort to do that. But you have.

Yeah, sure. In past, and you didn't. Back to the Brill days. And you didn't get it. Okay, now here's this girl. Let me ask question honestly. When she got it in your brand go, yeah, she got it good for her butt. This is why she got it.

No, I'm not in competition with her. I'm not in competition with her. Why would I be in competition with, you know, like a Spanish style woman from, you know, there's nothing to compete with, you know what I mean? Like they have a certain amount of women they're gonna use every year and they have a certain amount of guys

they're gonna use every year. And that really, and I really, why am I in any way, my connection with her is not like such that like, you know, that it means that we're up against each other and to think like that. You rationalize this whole thing out. Like it's a quotas.

Everybody, it's weird. It's like until today, nobody has ever been like, oh wow, Carmen God, God, letterman, that's bad news, man. Woo, that's a quote. It's weird. It's like until today nobody has ever been like, oh, wow, Carmen God, God letterman. That's bad news, man. Whoo. That's a common. It's a first time I've ever heard a news. She's in competition with you. Carmen versus Pat dark. And that's your next guest is Carmen. Come in. Wait a minute. He's bringing her in. Can you please stand up? No. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. I like when she was doing it a little part of her was like thinking about you on the other side of the screen going look at me now

Look at me on television side questions. Sorry. I can't make your show at the creek in the cave next roll on hold on I'm gonna be on ladder man. We gotta we gotta change everything here. I got to change this dynamic you guys are getting on my nerves here Comedian is happy I'm going to find That's spoken like a no no me that was me you don't think so I don't think any comedians truly happy to see another comedian succeed I mean they that my friends I am not other comics barely barely I mean you're happy

all the best just the top two there you're happy for them but you just to just read the top two that the next order coming up it was like that like if one of my boys would have gotten something and I didn't then I would have been pissed But now that I haven't gotten anything and I'm just I want somebody to succeed so I can get something off of their success Let me let me read this this is from this a text exchange from her Carmen Lynch and myself And you get it easily you're the she's the white you're the blue. Yes, okay Thanks for voting. That's nice of you.

I'm taping Letterman on Thursday. I'm not posting it online or saying it to many people. Till after it's tape because you never know if show runs long, etc. Bobby can't read. Okay. I'm reading it. I'm reading it very slow. Now pat back.

I'm beaming. So happy for you. I only told my dad, but I don't think he'll post it anywhere. Yeah. He even made a little joke. And then she wrote, ha ha ha, that's cute. And that's all I can read. Yeah, that's all you can read.

So that's your proof. I'll tell you what that proof is. That's the proof. That's the proof that he can text fucking bullshit too. And by the way, that also proves that she just texted you to fuck with you and bother you. Why would she have just texted you? Because she was in a contest, some kind of something that I saw, some kind of New York

Times thing, and I voted, and so she saw that I tweeted my vote. Does your new girlfriend know that you voted for her? My go, everybody is so okay with everything that's happening. I tried to get a three way between the three of us, between my accent, my. He's the closet. I thought man, that could happen, right? Like the remake things. All right. But now the three ways, okay? I'm back in your corner. I'm back in your corner. Sure. I understand if there was sexual manipulation going on and you're you're fucking fake. I'm beaming text. I'm beaming. Yeah. No guy said no guy says I'm beamingaming if you were really happy for you would have immediately called her and Spoken to her all that's fantastic. You don't you know text back on beaming. That's that's like that's not that's not the way

We're so full of shit. No, I'm really happy for somebody. All right first of all especially somebody close to them She she set me the next is 748 in the morning If your wife were to text you that she's pregnant you can write back on beaming now i would never use word beaming but then again i never i don't wear suits uh... that but she likes a lot of reassurance she probably thought that maybe i was not going to be happy for her so i want to go overboard and let her know that i

was beaming is overboard that you think yeah i think being is overboard and when people all point people go overboard it's think? Yeah, I think beaming is overboard and when people go a whole point where people go overboard It's almost like a skysexy is not beaming You know it should have been like this if you really meant it fuck. Oh, that's good for you Happy and beaming you take that as I'm beaming and use an exclamation point to which I didn't add I tried to add it in the word I think there was two I was too. Yeah, that's that's bullshit. Do it. That's always horseshit. We use two But it was like before I am in the morning like he talks, that's that's bullshit. Do it. That's always where shit we use to

I am in the morning like he talks at that time beaming to exclamation point Mauricio that that's the line with the dot at the end of something Where were you Mauricio? She was just getting a little too really Yeah, yeah. I just took a mental vacation to Cancun, but I'm back. You back? Because I can feel he's getting a little upset. You guys are making him upset. He feels bad already. She's on letter, man. He's not.

The situation is already as bad as it can get. Y'all are trying to make him feel even worse about it. Salt in the wound. He's pulling out text and shit, just trying to, because he just happy that she still wants to contact him. But she's moved on. She's pretty, too. Why did you you leave her the sex was good. She's beautiful and she's funny And then you why did you leave? You just named the top three reasons

Well, I mean you got a new girlfriend. Yeah, she's a comic. Yeah, she's she's lower on the ladder than you Right, so when she passes you're gonna be where she passes me then you dump her I mean, you got a new girlfriend. Yeah. She's a comic. She's lower on the ladder than you. Right. So when she passes, the years before she passes, then you dump her. She does the thing though. I think that if a girl, if I had a, it must be so hard though,

because if you have a girl that's in the business and she passes you and becomes successful and famous, what are you gonna do? You look, you're actually with somebody that they're dream, your're dreams and you're hope, they're all coming true through somebody else. So I'm gonna work harder, I guess. You know what I mean?

Do something. Is it as easy as this? You think the business is at work harder? Yes. Then why are you not working harder? Why is this is it for me? This is showing up. Pat is maxed out.

I put on a jacket and I earned my pants to come here. I mean This is what I love about pactics and you I always thought before I met you because of the way you dress and you Present yourself that you were You're just a regular happy, you know two-parent having dude. Yeah, but you're a fucking psychopath like the rest of us I'm divorced a couple of times. Yeah, yeah, you got divorced. I twice. Yeah, you're married Look, there's a lot of shit. Yeah, yeah, though The the I want attempted murder at the end of that second marriage. Yeah Try to kill me outside of an eyehop

Kidding me. No, I could have it's but this cheat book that you guys have got I can totally write a chapter of that Really? Yeah, I have outside of an eyeh that. Really? She said to kill y'all, son of, I have. Outside of an I-hop. She had a gun. Yeah. That's godless. She looked like what's her name? Who's the alternative actress with the red hair that's an Natasha Leon?

You know, Natasha Leon remember she was in the, but well when she was happy when she was pissed, she was more like, she looked like Eric Stoltz like that face, you know, like the face. And Paul Fick should have. Yeah, yeah. In the parking lot, she tried to kill you. Yeah, yeah, she had a gun. Yes, she got a gun. Yeah Did she fire it she didn't fire. I took her away from her. I just take a karate. Yeah, I know I kicked her the

Riss I just grabbed her wrist and you know, she could What the fuck can you stop and go back? All right, let's go back. Go back I want to know our back is a story right here. Here's a deal. You're married to this woman. I'm married to my second wife who was also named Michelle. They were both named Michelle, both virgins.

Who's the one that tried to kid you to kill you? The woman that I started dating at the end of the second marriage. Did you hear what he said? They were both virgins. He married to a very famous show. So wait a second. Let me get this straight. One guy tried to kill you named Michelle. No, no, no, no, no.

I don't want to get into names as far as that goes. Right. That's fine. We say who's ex-waterless. Some crazy bitch who ended up trying to kill you. You married her. But some bitch that ended up one letterman. You dumped her. Your shit is all backed up. Your shit is confused. Yeah, this is the one I'm going to marry. She pulls her gun on you. You didn't see that coming.

And this one has guts on letterman. you didn't see that coming and this one has guts on Letterman you didn't see that she had talent you you make a say you need to never miss therapy. Don't ever do a podcast at Mr. Therapy Because he's here. He said he missed therapy to be here. That was another bad decision He marries the psycho when he dumps the star what the fuck is happening to him He marries the psycho when he dumps the star. What the fuck is happening to him? Yeah, I got rid of you. She's no good.

No, she's a letterman. This is the one to marry. She pulled the gun on me. You're all fucked up as shit. So the one you married the girl that was attempted to kill you. No, no, no. There's a girl. This is the girl.

Second marriage. You just said you married her and then after what she tried to kill you. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. I married two women. They both named Michelle. They both virgins. The second one towards Taylor. And then after where she tried to keep you in the No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I mean, you look at him, you're like just a normal guy, but he's not. That's why he does that to hide all that shit to hide it.

Yeah, that's what that shit is. That's what I can't. That's right. That shit is a bowling bag on the top. Oh, it's not a secret. So here you go. You married. Do you explain yourself?

All right, second marriage. Her mom died. She became distanced. We couldn't relate any longer. I lost a little weight and next thing you know I'm fucking this girl. But I was on the road, I was working on the road all the time. So the girl was at home and just you know how it is, the gap between my home life and my road life just got more and more.

Sarah, if you was all about that today. Yeah, and I was, you know, it was a completely different world out there. So I met this girl and you know, she was really nice and hot. And she wore a lot of like animal prints and shit. And she was like six feet red hair, great rack. She said, if you weren't married, I would take you home and fuck your cock off. Right. So we started going on the road and hanging out.

Next thing you know, she's upset all the time. She's talking about suicide a lot. She's doing all the crazy woman shit. And then, you know, we finally had enough, I wanted to break up with her, then she wanted to tell my wife everything. Really? Yeah. So now you're in an iPod, what happens?

You're in an iPod? I'm on my way, like we broke up, I got away from for a couple of weeks, she made a lot of phone calls to the family, and to friends, and shit like that. She changed my voicemail passcode, she got into my sprint and somehow hacked in and changed it to like Jackass or whatever, you know, so I couldn't like get my voicemail passcode. She got into my sprint and somehow hacked in and changed it to like jackass or whatever

You know, so I couldn't like get my voicemails. I mean she was pretty you know good. She was pretty smart. Yeah, she's pretty good So then she found out where I was working and I was like I get off the second show You working on that I'm working on it Comedy catch so I get down to Brainerd Road to the comedy catch and then or to the Comedy catch so get down to Brainerd Road to the comedy catch and then or to the I hop and I hear my name Dixon there she is red hair I think so I like I want you by your last name. Yeah, Dixon. She's wearing a fucking trench coat black shirt So what did you do? I just like kept walking. I'm like, hey, somebody should call the police probably this because I had already talked to the police saying Is girls kind of stalking me and stuff one time I a guy. That's an embarrassing call to have to admit that there's a woman stalking you.

Because back in the day, you can just beat the shit out of her. Take her in a fucking alley and go, you come here again. I'm gonna fuck crack. And then you know, now it's like you can't, you'll get, you'll get arrested. You never have these one of these things with a girl where I cash to leave. Usually when people, I said that, people would laugh or chime in. And now it just made me serious. Like, I want to hit women. Thanks, Nolan, for tuning out you fucking asshole Why she stalking me here's a thing though the thing is that I actually you both agreed with the you should be able to hit women

You psycho that's the problem not agree with it. All right, so go ahead. We all you're in for a simpler time But she was bigger. You know, thank you Pat. She was bigger and like she was like, you know, like six feet 160 pounds I was like me behind like if you want to if you want to subdue in one and two and just like you if you want to subdue a woman like Marisa, you know, you have to like layer out. Yeah, you have to If you suck that cock is faster again and make her come Because then she wants to take a nap Only way it's going to happen. I'm going to kick that ass Because then she wants to take a nap. Only way it's going to happen.

That's what I'm going to kick that ass. So what happened? She calls my name and then she takes my arm right there. And I'm kind of dragging her towards restaurant. She's got the crook of my arm and I'm just pulling her through. She gave you the goon hand? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, she wants to talk and I'm dragging her and she's like, look, I've got a 9 millimeter.

That's what she said. Look, I've got a 9 millimeter. She takes the gun out. I see it. And then I grab her wrist. She jumps on my back after the gun has fallen out of her hand. She's on my back, scratching my face, picking her fingers into my screaming like a beast, like howling like an angered, damaged animal. And so I pick up the gun and I go inside,

slide it on the floor, and then these security guards, because it's that kind of high hop, jump on and get rid of her, then the place is flooded with police lights. And that's it. Last time I saw her, she was wearing a orange jumpsuit, shackles, lag irons, the whole bit. On the side of the highway or in the... No, no, no, in the...

I don't know. I was actually on Letterman, Cuddenwee, who's actually on cool hand, Luke. Like, oh, brother, we're off out there, we're out of the road looking right at you as you go by. What did you do to us? Sounds obuner. That's the typical female question.

What did you do to her? Yeah. She tried to murder me. What did you do? That's like walking up to a woman with a black eye and being like, hey, so what did you do to him? Actually, you know what? He was right. That was a very good point. That was that's true. What what did you what he just said to her?

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, that's the standard. Yeah, you just you just did like if a man was to come to you If you're a black guy, what you just did that to him we should write a letter to complain about you You should have to make a public apology on television. Suburverse ripping us. Well, I do not support violence on men. She was mad at you because she wanted you to leave your wife. Yeah, yeah. She wanted me to like, I think that if I'm going to break up with her, she's going to make it like she's going to like come and kill me. She had a note saying she was going to kill herself and all that stuff.

And then you ended up leaving your wife anyway. Well, yeah, we were already broken up. I'd left her months ago. We weren't getting back here. But this bird was was a little crazy now. She's in jail still hopefully She never went to jail at all so she's out what she's out. Yeah, we hope and this was this was eight years ago We've seen far and it was attempted second-degree murder You know she's I'm sure she's a fine person but well here's the deal. I've run into Crazy women too. I've had I've had some situations in my life

where thank God I was, I had the, I knew, I had a time, I had enough time to know that this broads a nut case. I fucked up. I wanted this pussy bad. I got it. She's a fucking lunatic and I would pawn her off on another scumbag friend of mine or somebody else and I would love Like the ring why don't you go that way? Yeah, you know what I mean? Kind of push him down the river. Yeah, that's that would have been the thing to do with her Yeah, you got to get a moddy. I've had a couple man. I had a girl scratch my face once I We've she was some of the best sex I've ever had though. Usually the crazy birds fuck great. I mean, just great, passionate, just dirt balls.

She did something to me. She blew me the completion three times in one hour. Yeah, that's important. A regular, a, a, a same girl with a, you know, who's brought up correctly and had good morals, can't do that. She would have no reason to do that. Yeah, she, yeah, right.

Yeah, she wasn't a list and had to blow herself out of a box. Right. She's not gonna make you miserable for the next two weeks. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this girl, this girl, this girl, I took her to... She's sweet. She kept, she did this crazy thing and I tied her up and I left her for like an hour I just left her just to be a dominant fuck you and I came back and she's crying and you know And then I got we then I on her and she was she was like okay, and I did this she made me she made me Do shit that I probably wouldn't have done and then we fucked and it was crazy. She kept going I want I want twinkies I want twinkies and chocolate. And I kept, all right, I'll get you something.

So, like, so do I. Trust me, don't worry about it. I'm with you. Is that code? Yeah, here's that in a safe word. First of all, Lewis. That's me twice. All right.

First of all, Lewis fucked up by not saying that was me. I knew that was you. Now, you know, but you should have said that was, and Bobby said, that's what I did. No, we got it, Bobby. We didn't fuck up at all. All right. We got that it was being you.

So, you guys could look more similar right now. Oh, really dude. So anyways, I go, here's the problem is when a girl's still crazy after sex, that's when I get, that's when you kind of get, you know, when you get normal, it's like, you know, I am hungry.

Oh, me too. It's like the sheep dog in the wolf in that cartoon, when they you know, when you get normal, it's like, you know, I am hungry, I mean, too, it's like, it's like the sheep dog in the wolf in that cartoon, when they try to kill it. And then after it's like, hey dude, I'll see you tomorrow, I'll see you tomorrow. After crazy sex, that's what you kind of want. This fucking, that was like, I want it now. I had a driver to an all night supermarket,

and then we're in there, she's like, where is it? And we want it, I'm like, look, they don't have it, fuck you, stop being a weirdo. And she grabbed me and scratched my face. What? And I was like, oh my, I wanted to fucking knock her out. And that's where I had to go, okay. I'm, she's gonna push me, I'm gonna fuck up.

And then she's gonna own me. So I was like, okay, okay. And I just was like, let's go. And I walked out, I dropped her to a car. I just played along, I pay a gif, who? All right, yeah, see you just was like, let's go and I walked out. I dropped her to a car. I just played along. I pay a gay who. All right, yeah, see you later, gets in her car. She'll never talk to her again.

Fucking lunatic. I got that close to, I almost punched her in her fucking face. Yeah, they wanna go to you into physical violence and then be the one to come bail you out. And then they kind of, well, I don't know if I'm gonna test the fire or not. I don't know if I'm gonna press charges or not. It's just a surrogate question.

That story about how she tried to kill you and all that. Sure. You tell that to other girls you meet. I'll tell you why I'm asking. I think that if a girl hears that story, she's gonna be enticed to wanna go out with you in a weird way, like she's gonna think, wow, he must really have something special.

If he can make a girl that crazy. Maybe I should work it in earlier. I'm actually listening to the story, thinking like, shit, what's he got that I haven't got? I just had a girl try to kill me. I had a woman pick me up at the airport in St. Louis left her kids birthday party to go have sex with me for a couple of hours in an hourly hotel. Do you want to jump a big dick? Is that what it is? Do you have a big dick? That's why I know you're gonna ask the question. That's the, this is what's begging the question.

Yeah, because you got the shit out of that girl. How big is it? She went crazy. It's like regularly. Shut up. I want to hear how big is dick is. Yeah, shut up, Kelly. I want to hear his dick.

What's, what is it? Can you pull it out of the mentions? You know, like I've got a normal sized dick. It's not the dick. It's the emotional Intensity that the women are responding to that's what it is Get in there and start fucking with how dense is your dick though dense. Can we do a water Dispidice you just go with your hand Play it's like you go with your hands and how do you like finish the job? It's not about the physicality

They really just like me that much. How big your dick, Marisa? What's in your mind? Yeah. I'm not going to tell you Bobby. What? I'm going to tell you Bobby. I'm going to tell you what your boss Bobby for a hand job.

He gets a free one in shit. He's like got a lot of charisma. All right. So Paul and left actually bumped up on the chart. You bumped up, you're at the top. Now, I'm not going to be with him. Oh, come on, bro. Now you at the bottom with him is a tie. And he was at the top, but he got a hole in his sweater.

So that's what you put in the bottom. Ah, no, you're at the bottom. If you look at his elbow, he got a hole right there in his sweater, is shit. Did I get a fucking check? That's right. Listen to me. That's an owner check.

If you have a morph in your closet, get a new fucking sweater. Don't wear that shit. After the morph eats it, then you put it on. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about.

That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about.

That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That everything you want, but that one little hole in the sky is done.

Because part of his gun, he's got so much charisma. Stop clock blocking me, Kelly. Yeah, why you take two, two, two, make problems. I'm already locked in right now. I just, there, and he got this magical shit that the more I'm listening to him talk, that it just happens, you start to fall in love with him. That's what happens. Yeah, stop clock blocking me.

It took me an hour and fucking 25 minutes to get this motherfucker to put me at the top of the list. Now this sexy bitch is all mine. That's the top. I think everyone, every guy has been with at least one woman who's wanted to fucking draw that out of them where you wanna fucking punch him in the mouth. Here's the thing though, I said. I've never had a woman, but dude, I did his one check.

The check that I dated before my current girl was pregnant. This chick pretended she was pregnant for five months after we woke up. Oh my god. My friends are calling me like, dude, you should really, you know, you're gonna be an asshole. You think that you need all guys needs to, maybe you need to start finding women in more classier places. Where are you finding these bitches?

Did I actually fuck this chick the first night I met her in a bathroom? All three, you have a nightmare story, isn't she? I'm married. I'm happily married five years, baby Well, that's a disappointment to me Bobby. No, that should be actually better because that is not cheating It's but also it's a little competition. I like that shit. Yeah It's not cheating if it's a dude in a dress I've been I was very rude rude Patrick. Sorry. I'm sorry. I know your feelings are hurt because you're not unlearned me Just for that I'm not going to show up to your baking bar show

Which by the way if I showed up that would have been the most people does ever been to that show I always packed and neither Bob because me and Bobby about to be a couple I need a bobby because me a bobby about to be a couple I'll get you yellowtail all you want baby. I like what I'm hearing Bobby. I got you You know what we're gonna rent movies. We're gonna rent them day in and because yeah, I like that shit on the winters Do you have a Netflix account in a smart TV that should have took up? My air well my air well diabol love is too slow. Oh I got it baby. I got Netflix. I got Apple TV. I got plasma. I got a TV in the bathroom, baby That's what I you are star. Do you know that has anyone told me to you that you are star? No, you are a star

Is shit? You shouldn't the problem is you hanging out with this shit is not looking too good You're bringing this on the show and this on the show. You need to start hanging hanging out with this shit is not looking too good. You're bringing this on the show and this on the show You need to start hanging out with more. I gotta hang out with people who have elbows with no holes Cycles look at two cycles on the couch here that you have one in the suit and one obviously a cycle one. Where is it one hide? To get to fucking get marisa. Oh my god. This is the fucking best show ever. This has been very fun. You guys thank you so much Pat. I wish you luck man. Thanks a lot. And the you know, you got this new girl who's the shit. She's the greatest. We just gonna hope that her career slows down. She's not the greatest of comedy. She's the greatest

in life. She's funny. Yeah. She's for hilarious. As funny as the other one. Well, you know, I don't rank funny, but yeah, she makes me laugh harder than the other one did. You know what, though, that's, but she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though.

But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though.

But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. But she doesn't make let him in laugh hard, though. This is the worst. Yeah, come on. I'm just playing with you as shit. I know what it's funny is that I think that at 42 being happy and being with a check that you can laugh and stand for more than three hours, being compatible with a girl and Giggling is probably the best part of life for me. Don't do a fucking gay final thought. I was thinking exactly the same thing.

What are you doing Robert? I look like the fucking dead and full house like come here kids. Let me tell you a little bit. Lesson that we learn. The story. What do we learn? Well, you don't think I'm right? I didn't listen to what you said. I shout out a little too much. I'm not talking about you. You disconnected Puerto Rican. No, I don't think you're right. No. You know, the laughing with you wife or having fun at home and with your kid and all that, that's not what your day is made. That's not the best part of your day. It's the best part of my day. So because I can't have the life that he has anymore.

What's the life that he has? Fucking chicks and going out and having a good time. Right, and I can't be happy. It's not all bacon bars and everything. It's all the way up to the room. That's my happy and it's not all bacon bars and Every guy's the one. I'm Joe list that's a roommate I don't have both no You know, no miss the equation. I don't miss hot sex. I don't miss it because here's why I don't miss it The when I was in it remind yourself why you don't tell you I'm gonna tell you the work that it took to get the pussy

Yeah, remind yourself why you don't tell you I'm gonna tell you the work that it took to get the pussy The work that it the listening to the hopes and the dreams and taking them out and having to manipulate and and Psychologically fucking overpower hold on and get the hash be yourself. No, you used to I used to see you come off stage in the seller Yeah, and literally three or four minutes later I'll be blowing you in the bathroom. Yeah in that three or four minutes later it will be blowing you in the bathroom. Yeah. In that three or four minutes, you have to listen to all the hopes and dreams and all that stuff that was missing. Not with that whore. Fuck.

You used to do it with the other ones. You used to do it all the time. I know, I do miss it. I do miss it. I do miss it. I miss it. I miss it. I completely took my life.

I'm sucking her dick. Get over here for easy. You put it in like two, three weeks. I'm gonna take this. Get this. Get it. Let's get it. Stop it. You think I, you know what I'm gonna get this party. Let's get it started. You know what I hate my fucking wife.

Let's rape Kelly. Let's rape Kelly. Let's rape. All right, so. A lot of letters of apology right there. I'm gonna shut. All right, so Pat, where are you gonna be, buddy? I'll be at my bacon bar.

So at the creek in the cave, this coming Saturday, you also see me at the stand on Friday. Where was your website? Where can people, because I don't know the six. PatTixonNYC.com. Go check out Pat. We've got also, if you catch it, you can see clips of the show,

the completely naked Vicky, but Kelly Fistuka actually doing a testimonial on one of the videos. She was at one of the very first shows. Kelly, will you put that on the Facebook and the Twitter? Tweet that out. We'll tweet that out to you guys. You can have it.

Lewis, where are you going to be at? What can we check you about it? You guys can check me out every Sunday at the stand in YC. What is this become like a promo for the stand in this podcast? And not the comedy seller, because they don't book me there. So I'll be at the comedy sale at tomorrow night, right now, yeah.

No. No. What time are you going on at the comedy slide of Marnight right now. Yeah. No. No. What's having going on at the stand? The fucking owner of the comedy, so I'll just promote it to stand because you say. All right, Pat, what about you? One other thing I knew you like, thanks for having me on your podcast. Yeah. So people listen to podcasts, maybe like all the ones mind is all about crime in New York City.

It's called the New York City Crime Report. We take tabloid headlines out of the posts and the daily news and make fun of that. So the whole show is all about all the funny crime. It's happening in New York City. I like it. I would network it. What network are you on?

It's cavecomedyradio.com. Would you consider coming over to a riot cast network? Oh yeah, sure. Oh, why not? All right, cut it off. Great to know that. All right, no, I'm gonna promote for you. If you don't mind, the comedy seller

is the best comedy club in New York City. If not the best club in the America. If not one of the best clubs in the world. All right, so if you're gonna be in New York City, make sure you go to thecomedyseller.com, buy your tickets online ahead of hand. A head of hand? A head of hand?

A head of time. A head of time. Before hand to head of hand. And yeah, I had a hand. And make sure you get it, because it's sold out all the time. I love people walking up to this club. Can we get tickets?

No, dummy. It's 10 minutes to show time. It's been sold out for two, three days. Try this thing. Yeah, try the thing. Yeah, this is ever showed up. Go to the stand. But make sure you go to the comedy seller and get your tickets at it.

Ahead of hand. I said it twice. Fucking it. That's the name of the show. Ahead of hand. And it's also a really gender granted. Just to say, I just to be not to be misunderstood. I think the stand is a really nice room. I was there.

I was very impressed with the stand. It's great room. It's one of the only other nice rooms. It's a great room and they care about comedy, which I love. And they care with the sand. It's a great room. It's one of the only other nice rooms. It's a great room and they care about comedy, which I love. And they care about the new set of the... No, no. And they have great...

And the Village Underground too. If you guys are in New York City, the fat black pussycat Village Underground is also owned by the comedy seller. And they do live music there downstairs, the village underground, greatest bar in New York City upstairs. You got a girl, you got a friend, you want to hit a classic bar,

also with a lounge in the back. If you're into that fucking alternative hipster shit, you can do that. Well, none of you guys watch the voice, right? Yeah. You watch the voice? Yeah. You know the girl Amanda Brown?

Yeah, the boy. Yeah, she's the singer of my band in the underground. Yeah, yeah, she's the singer my band in the underground Yeah, but you don't own her so stop acting like you do She's not part of the fucking if you come to the village underground. No, she probably won't be there now. She's gone She's winning the voice. Maybe she'll have her own night. She killed it last night Yeah, you saw it killed it killed it. Love her lover. She's smoking hot and she just killed it last night one of the best She was unbelievable last night. And you got, no one has one, we have Rycast.com.

I mean, some of my favorite shows, Hammer Fisting, I'm a big MMA guy, I love the show, it's funny, it makes me mad, they have great guests, you guys are getting great guests. You do, tonight a big show. Yeah, you got, Misha Tate, one of the top women MMA fighters up there. Unbelieveable show, you guys are really stepping up i love it i love that you do

in that fucking around yeah uh... it's called uh... hammer fisting on rye cast calm and another one of my favorites that i listen to all the time that has been getting great because you being an unbelievable guess the zone one was great really it was great it was annoying linen noise me but that's why i like it because it it's uh... you know i don't think you should love something all the time. I think you should hate it and get mad at it,

and I love that you're a guest you bring on. I have the range of emotion when I listen to your show through everything, so I loved it. I learned a lot of stuff from the zone one. You guys have a lot of great guests. Comedy seller, live from the table. People are actually live from the table. LFTT is people are actually nicknaming the show, by the way.

I don't know if you know that. LFTT, not even know. Yeah, people are going LFTT. So that means you're getting fans. And Kristen actually got noticed up in the, we're for Mont. For Mont. A lot of fans of the show, one of my favorite fucking shows.

It's the Comedy seller table that everybody knows, that every, you know, is famous. And now, Noam does a show there once a week with comics that just sit down. You never know who's gonna be there. Now they have these really great guests coming in. No, Lewis Gomez. For each of you, come on, though.

For each of you, you should. You should. You need to be quiet. You just be quiet going to invite you. Ha ha ha ha. That's not why people work, Mauricio that you should you see you need to be quite you just be quiet going to invite That's how white people work in she can talk too much That damn thing that they came up with the idea You see you got to read the ego. He's got a big one. Just shut up

All right, so there you go probably is alive from the table right cast known spot. Guess one of my favorite Kelly What do you got? I've got underbelly on the first of December at the Creek and the Cave also get on that Mike Phil tell me what you got. Phil Provincio.com all the photos view wonderful folk here. Oh fucking unbelievable photos you need a photographer you need anything done photo wise go to Phil's website it's unbelievable he's take great photos. Well if you want something nice to look at? Yeah, he's a good looking guy too. Thank you, girl. And then, Mauricia, thank you for coming by.

What do you have? I'm going to be with Janus Papis, we're going to be and the levity live from December 7 to the 9th, get your tickets online and share. And then the Miami and Prove March 15 to the 18, so get your tickets for that shit. So you're doing the whole week There now we doing the weekend we doing the weekend the weekend not the whole weekend should the way I'm not going to survive a week in Miami Just the weekend right so you're going down there and then you're doing levity live

Which is my home town bro. Yeah, I'm just pop this up to the night. Yeah, I'm a pop it's where he's killed a shit I he's yeah, such as dick for this shit is over We're here. He's killed a shit. He's yeah, such as dick for the shit is over Everybody here's going to get touched on the way out Where now what's the website where we can see your videos go to your tube type in morisa Now you can see all the videos and then hopefully in a month We're going to make a video called morisa and Bobby what we're going to just be making out lots of Tug noise Morisa you're going to be able to hear the saliva being exchanged That's a ton of noise. That's a ton of noise. Shit. I'm gonna reset you.

Are you going to be able to hear the saliva being exchanged? Haha. Alright, man. You guys, yeah. Thank you so much. This is one of my, this is a fun show, man. I had a blast. Thank you for having me, Bobby.

You got it, baby girl. Enjoy that yellow tail and those plantainas, even though they're not cooked, fucking Kelly. Oh, God. Make sure you guys want to support the show. Go to riotcast.com slash Robert Kelly. Hit the Gamefly button. Join Gamefly. Get two free weeks or go to Amazoncast.com slash Robert Kelly hit the game fly button join game fly get two free weeks Or go to Amazon buy anything through our link and you give us money

You can also hit the donate button if you guys want to throw 10 23,000 dollars away Please do that all that money goes back into the show the show is progressively become better and better because of your donations You guys are amazing you guys come on get out of here. What you dick? Lewis Gomez not not clock at Mauricio. You guys are awesome. Thanks for spreading the word about the YKWD and keep doing that.

Take care. You know what, you need. Stink, stink, stink You know what I'm deady Up, stuck in, stuck in the bottom line You're born, you're born You know what I'm deady Where this car's starting, I'm starting You know what I'm deady Really, dude, really, really Don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face, don't stop filming my face.

Don't stop filming my face.