Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Derek?

Episode Date: September 3, 2012

Comedian Gary Gulman returns to join Robert, Kelly and Joe List. RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un duvena que de Maú, a Madrid. You're listening to Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude on the Riotcast Network Riotcast.com

Hey everybody it's Monster Voice from Shut Up Lewis shut up Lewis September 6th through the ninth Bobby Kelly is gonna be at side splitters Tampa good strip clubs. That's what I've heard This is what I've heard and then West Nyak at levity live the 13th 14th and 15th. I'm gonna be there open it for Bobby So you should come get a little double dip Shut up Lewis and then he's gonna be at the laughout loud comedy club in San Antonio, Texas, starting September 20th through the 23rd. So go see Bobby Kelly live and listen to the,

you know what, did podcast on riotcast.com. Hey gang, this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Lerie. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Leroy. This is Opie from a lot of things. This is Bert Kreiser. Staying cookin' you are listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what dude?

You know what dude? I know what dude! But this is Robert Kelly's, you know what dude? You know what dude? Yes, and we are live. We are live with the you know what dude Podcasts to we are back. I am back actually I got a fucking big cast the characters which I've been getting shit for by the way really yeah Well, you know what here here's a deal. Two people, I don't know, consist of getting shit. I think that's just opinions.

I would say I don't know if it's getting shit or the fans turning on me or it's, you know, two people have left me, have taken the time to leave me very detailed and depth messages, emails. Can you read them? Absolutely. I love reading them. Listen, you know why?

Because I know how hard. See, you take English and writing and for granted them because you're not to do it. Writing a proper email with grandma and commas with their supposed to be. You're an ove. I'm an ove. The fact that it means nothing. It's going nowhere. It's not means nothing. It's going nowhere. It's not changing anything.

It's for not. Yeah. And they still did it. It's like wow. And they started out. They're fans of the show first of all. They started, look, I'm just giving their critique. Yeah.

The show has evolved from me on my iPhone, to me and Joe, to me, Joe and Dan to you know this which is pretty fucking big So it's but look it is what it is. I like the people I have on and I like the amount of people we have on It's right. Yeah, nobody ever complains about the number of people in the in the studio on the OP and or Anthony Well, that's that's what they're saying. Oh, really? Well, it's like it's now, it's like a radio show where it's before was a, I guess there's a difference there.

Yeah, but the nature of podcasts is to play radio. No. No? Apparently not, not in this email. But the two critics are articulate and use grammar properly. I was just going to run on sentence lowercase, you know. No, they were really good. But they're fans, on sentence lowercase, you know, they were really good

But they're fans so here it is, you know, I get I get look at I get I get this is that sometimes people talk Oh, when you get eight people in a room people talk over each other like right now It's it's a pretty mellow show. I mean people, you know, you know, we you know, you get your shit in like Joe Weighted to fucking throw his knife Joe list. He's a professional because sometimes there's a Joe DeRosa, right? Yeah, well, I actually do that. I mean, no, you didn't step on toes, yeah. No, well, that's of course Gary gum and the great friend, great comedian, lover of mine if I fucking was gay. Jesus Christ, what a line next to you. You would make me feel honestly God.

You'd make me feel safe. Me and you would be a great couple. I would love to have an Ernie and Bert ask relationship with you, where we didn't have sex. We just shared a room and stayed up late. Bullshit. Yeah, we shared a room. You read, I fucking played on the internet, my iPad,

talking, you know, one on MMA sites, right? And you were just reading with your glasses and your hair up. I fucked my hair up. Yeah, you Rubber Duck. They had to because the hand would show. But what was it a glue when sometimes they would show them in full figure? When Bert was able to tap dance to the party, they would say, I'm not saying that I'm saying Burton Ernie's in. Rubber Duck. They had to because the hand would show.

But what was it a glue when sometimes they would show them in full full figure. When Bert was able to like tap dance to the page of his home because they were used as a string as a marionette. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, marionette. Yeah, always brilliant. Even as a kid, I recognized how how amazing that is. We got, we got, of course, the fucking gunslinger, the truth, Joe List, is here who I've missed dearly. I thought we were together last week. No, two weeks ago. Yeah, the alcoholism.

Listen, kicks in. Sometimes it works the other way. You actually think things happen that didn't. Instead of not remembering anything, you remember shit that didn't happen. We have God-free is here What's up, man? It's gonna while you said you were on my show back when it was just me. Oh, yeah Yeah, it was just me and you want a yeti microphone. Yes, yeah, and you have a team now You're you're doing well. Oh, not a team. It's just a bunch of you know what it is now is there's a bunch of people that I love to have

on the show. Yeah, I think the the consistent people call these here every week. Dance here every week. Joe's you've been a regular. I would call it regulars. There are more jobs than there are friends of the show. I feel like you're a friend of the show. You're a friend of the show, yeah.

People just pop by. People pop. They come through when they want to or you had a schedule. Well, I like to schedule it. I mean, I don't, I mean, but you know what? Here's a deal. If someone knocked on the fucking door and there was a seat open, yeah, I don't give a shit. I mean, I'm not a fucking, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not getting a million dollars of show.

What if they knocked and there were no seats? You sit down over there. What if there was no over there? You get the Liberacci mic over here. We're gonna, everything's just covers. I don't know, no fucking non-ear. What if we were in a closet? Where's the person?

That was from, that was not pessimism. So that's just Gary Goldman. I see you of it. It's supposed to be mellow. I feel it's mellow because Gary's here. Because if you're talking about Ranger Gary, you're so zen like. You can't meet, even when I before he speak to you

I'm like oh I feel calm now. I find you to be a bit of a nervous Nellie. Yeah, yeah I'll share with you the story of me a Bruce Banner right there Trader Joe's recently. Oh All right, here's a deal. We got Gary. We got Kelly. Hey everybody knows Kelly your tits. What oh our fucking Ridiculous I told you I'll put on weight. Baby. Where? I put on my gut. I told you, I'll put them away. They did it. Where? I put on my gut and my stomach. Did it. What? You're just a creep.

He just looked at me and went, did it. I don't know. What's going on? I think. Looks like you got a boob job. No, I put them away. She stayed in my house. Yeah.

I haven't worked out in like four weeks. She stayed in my house. Well, she, we were out of town on vacation Let's just get this out of the way. I was away on vacation. I went to back and did There's so much that's happened. We know that we filmed the pilot actually Godfrey is one of the stars of the show with me Oh wow, he plays he plays TJ TJ. Oh, you brought it up. He was, he, he, we shot the pilot. Yeah. And, and God free me and God free. I mean, look, we both earned the shit out of these roles. We auditioned, auditioned, auditioned, tested. We worked together at my

apartment. Yeah. We fucking, you know, really, you know what I mean? Like it wasn't that thing where I was like, you trying tried, we helped each other try to get these fucking rolls and we got it and then, you know, even, even, even when we like the first day of shit, we had a little roughs patches here and then both of us were a little like, and then this, we can't, you know, we made light of it. All right, let's get our shit together.

All right, next thing. And we fucking, let me tell you something. I've never said this Everybody knocked it out of the park knocked it out this show is fucking funny. It's funny Yeah, it was funny and godfrey not for nothing. I said it last week. Oh the one we did a show He's you know, you're fucking and he's just an adonis. Oh, he's got a fucking bet and so incredibly talented honest. He's got a fucking bet and so incredibly talented. Yeah, but he did say it was a very word. It could be left.

No, I mean, I mean really he fucking made it. With a bulletproof vest and a badge on the front hanging from his neck and a block nine on his hip. Oh, and they gave him designer stretchy jeans to wear. Wow. And there's me who made the stretchy jeans. Seven from mankind. Ladies, I don't know who did.

I know my, my, um. I don't know who did. I know my, it was pretty good. My girlfriend would approve, because she's a, she's fashionista. Your girlfriend's right over there. Right there. We have a special civilian seat in the room. She's on the, she's actually.

She's a little bit, because she has been training and feeding him, right? Doesn't she guide you? She's all out. Guide you to nutrition. She helped me lose my, I was like 50 pounds Yeah, I remember seeing you at the Reebok sports club And I I thought you would clone yourself I was heavier and my girlfriend she was she was eating donuts

She grabbed my back fat one day and said yeah, you're fat Stop stop stop you weren't look it Let me let me tell you hang on hang on for god for you. You weren't, look, it's a fuck. Let me, let me tell you, hang on, hang on. For Godfrey, he was a wreck. Look it, stop, stop, stop. Godfrey, Godfrey, Godfrey, Godfrey, shut your face. Shut up, look at me. I'm fat.

You weren't fat. You were fat for an in-shaped athlete guy, fat. I'm fat. If your girl ever grabbed my back fat, she'd throw up. Okay? So let's try it now. No, no, she grabbed it and like grabbed it and started shook it and I was like, because my shirts and stuff

they were fitting differently and I was like, yeah, it's because it's because I've been lived and she goes, no, it's back fat. You got to melt that fat. No, we need her to tell me. much workin' out the wrong way. And then she got me on a strict diet and got it all off. I agree with that.

But if you shook my bad fat, it would form the shape of your hand. You understand? It's like one of those sparr- Like a barba papa. It's a- So if I punch, I want the fuck.

I have no idea what a barber papa is. But they were at but they're the Bracely a Sunday morning cartoon. It's a great which was shit, but they were they were a quality so actually it might have been Saturday But it like 530 in the morning the barber pop it they were I think they were French originally because barber pop I mean Cotton candy. Oh, does it yeah barber, but you'd pronounce it about Bob

Bob what is it called? Jesus Christ these guys. Oh, there you go. Barbara. But you'd pronounce it ba-la-ba-la-ba-la. Barbara, what is it called? Jesus Christ. These guys. Oh, there you go. What is that? They can change their shapes and sizes very easily. Oh, nice. You know the song. He knows the song well. So anyways, I was, we did the show, we filmed the pilot. Yes. It was fucking bad ass. Oh, man. The actual creator of the show came to Nighteen Laurie, who's right now in the middle of

Filming the whole season of arrested development. He's one of the writers on that show bringing it back That show's coming back. Yeah, it's coming back. I'm gonna explain this it coming back. They're shooting a whole series Fan Netflix releasing the whole Season in one day on Netflix. Have you ever watched it? Oh yeah. Oh my god, it's like the best show. It's the best device. It's the best part ever. The second best show I've ever watched. Best being get a life with Chris Elliott

that was met in untimely demise as well, but arrested development, holy shit. Very funny. I mean, who's on the show and maybe sad? Patrice. Oh my god. And they actually, he said, we're gonna bring him back T-bone and then we're like,

oh fuck. Yeah. They were actually like, ah fuck, they were like, oh, fuck. They were actually like, oh, fuck, they were like, he passed away. Like, wow. Yeah, you're mad. That sucks. Yeah, that kind of fuck me up when he told me that.

And I don't think he knew that, you know, close. I was thinking about him today. I was actually one on YouTube and listened to him. He did this thing on ONA about Lady Gaga. And that is one of the funniest thing, but I like it. It's so funny. He's talking about her trying to be like meaningful.

It's like bitch, she's like, you know this next song is for the children of Mexico who died. Herethway. Buh, buh, scypum, gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap gap. It's just so funny. He kept doing it, he kept doing it and kept doing it. And it just got funnier and then he kept changing it. Just the stupid same song. He's like, this is for the Haitian dead babies.

Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, give him a bath. If you want to laugh, please go fucking listen to that YouTube clip. As well as that one is the one where they go through all the male Gibson tapes. Yeah. When the wife, the Russian wife, it is some of the funniest, most strange stuff that over here. Just make it just like dissecting male, just going crazy over the phone. I fucking love it.

I'm just doing a lot lately. Yeah. So anyways, we had Dean down tonight. We were at the dinner. We filmed that shit, man. You know, here's the thing. You have to explain to everybody it's a pilot. Yeah filmed that shit, man. Here's the thing, you have to explain to everybody, it's a pilot.

We shot a pilot. It's not a fucking, we shot a pilot, which everybody shoots. It's a good pilot. It has a lot to your mother. I actually had to go to the Wikipedia and read the fucking definition of pilot to my mother because she kept calling me going,

all right, so when the show, when it's gonna air, they take the joy out of every accomplishment, every moment in a special. Now, what does that mean? This is, yeah. How you doing your skits? What's with these skits? What is that, why is it gonna air?

When is it gonna air? Yeah, you can. When is it gonna air? They ruin it! That's why you just have to be more. You don't only tell other comedians. Only they'll be impressed. Yeah, and then it is the best part

about other comedians, you'll say, yeah, I booked a pile, that's cool. And they'll just be quiet. Only they'll be impressed. Yeah, and then it is the best part about other comedians. You'll say, yeah, I booked a pile, that's cool. And they'll just be mad. Like what the fuck? But wait, didn't my mother call you? Your mother is the sweetest person on the world. Here we go. God damn it.

She called, his mother called me to tell me how proud she was and how happy she was for me. Wow, that's what I booked. I mean, listen to me, that's on it though. When I do shows in Boston, she'll come to my shows. His mother. Wow. That's right. And then we go out to dinner after and we hang out and sometimes I sleep over. I knew that was coming. I knew it was going. You're at whoa. That's actually my room. Yo, that's called play.. Oh, here's your mother. Listen to the podcast. Her mother. I love his mother. My mother doesn't have a computer.

Okay. No, his mother is one of my favorite people. That's good. Genuinely, like, you know, she just shows up and she's the sweetest person in the world. Unbelievable. Yeah, she's got a great energy and she's very enthusiastic. I love her. I love her that people that actually do it. You know, I went out to not to bring petri- Me and Keith went out and we took Petrice's mom to lunch.

God damn, she's funny, it's Petrice. Yeah. Yeah, people don't know that. She is fun. I remember this girl came up, this lady, white lady, middle aged. We're in the- we're at legal seafood, coppley plaza. I mean, you can't get as whiter than that. You know what I mean?

Boston Copli Plaza, the legal seafood. And the interior decorators, like 1950s plush. Yeah, it's like, yeah, arrows, like, you know, arrows and fucking swooshes. Yeah, like Miami Vice. What quotes on legal? Was that, what was that supposed to imply? That's that.

You're in legal seafoods. What's that? Oh, I don't know. Why is What's that? I don't know. Joe, why is legal more white? I don't know. Is that illegal seafoods? I think I did the American American's. I think I did the quotes early.

Yeah, Red Lobster. Nice. I think I did the quotes too early. That's all. That should have been a big laugh right there. Red Lobster. Red Lobster. Okay.

Illegal seafood. Oh. Oh. Tweety. Tweety. We just heard, oh, tweet tweet We just heard outside the bandana you guys haven't been here since the bandana's been introduced It's for a bomb. Yeah, if you throw a nice hot one and a bomb you get the bandana. We don't even need it Everyone's making just on my bed. It's the comedic equivalent of the dunce cap. I love it Yeah, you kind of throw it. Yeah, if you if you take a nice hot one you get it

Yeah, this this show is get some sadder stories throw bandana's at the story. That's not sad enough Well, what's that Joe? What's that? Yeah, we get the Patrice thing. Yeah, I was about that. I was about the sweet mother thing. I'm crying over here I was about to get into Monster balls. I have you went around to that. I wonder you got the gun start to get a joke going here I Trying to get a joke going here. No, and I we stopped I appreciate it fat and you a gay and everyone Don't forget about your little mouth Baby now That I started the baby mouth. Yeah, I know we thought

It wasn't even like someone like, oh look at him. I was like, oh yeah, I know we thought it. Baby Alive. Somebody remember the second one on his tweets and I'm like, I got a small mouth and I'm a douche because of it. It's like that doll from going up baby alive. Remember? Baby Alive.

That doll had the tightest mouth. Baby Alive. I mean, smallest. Here it is. Baby Alive, soft and sweet. She can sleep and she can eat. Yeah. Your baby Alive baby alive mouth at $60 Now if you want a baby alive

60 bucks Far apart. There's the mouth The first person to Malina baby Here's the deal you can um someone actually sent me a link to a book For you to get you a bob Barker microphone That's really funny. Oh, that's hilarious. That's really funny. That's really funny.

For his mouth. He's the only one who ever used that microphone. So maybe. No, no, no, no. Rayburn might have used that. What's his name is using the mic? Almost his name. Drew Carrey.

Drew Carrey's using the mic. He's using the Bob Mark. That's actually a regular mic. His hand's so fat. It looks like a Bob Mark. No, he's getting out How did Drew carry I know I know I was I know I Drew came in the Fuck up here. Hanker chip. That was dumb bandana stupid. There's nothing 19 twenties

I'm gonna throw it at you too for laughing I should throw back at you You know, you don't tell people their jokes aren't funny. If we laugh, we think it's funny. I thought that was a rule. No, you know, no, everybody has to agree with you. Not just you going, that's not funny. Did they agree with you? It's not how we're doing.

No, they done. They done. I stopped feeling bad. I remember it was a story about Patrice's mother. Patrice's mom. So here you go. Let me go back to it. We digressed a little bit.

I mean, Keith took her out to Lundjit Legal See Food. And this old middle-age white broad was sitting at the table with her other friend And they come over they go hate to Keith We're going we're going to we're gonna go see you tonight with Wanda We're very excited and he was feeling you know you know you know you feel when somebody kind of recognizes you Yeah, and I go really oh, that's great. Who is he? What's his name? Oh You should have saw his face and her face. She went

Kevin Which is the worst name and Patrice's mom fucking dropped an oyster to laugh She fucking bent over laughing Just like Patrice man We were both just pointing it. We were both pointing at stupid and going Kevin The way lady got uncomfortable and just I'm sorry to do something wrong and just walked away Wait the last year Patrice's oh God is the barbecue cuz me and my girlfriend go all the time and I met his mother for the first time

We were going to you know you go inside go to the restroom and I just see this lady sitting right But she goes in who are you? Yeah, I was like oh, I'm just a producer's friend. Well, I'm his mother And if she just started kind of shit on me right now. She was like making fun of people as they went to the bathroom Like this is where Patrice's mom get where Patrice gets this shit from his mom. That was very funny. Patrice's mom is fucking funny, man. She came to my show on the Wilbur.

This, you know, wow. Yeah, I mean, it sucked. I appreciate all the fans that came out. I had to do Rhode Island on Wednesday. You had a Konami connection at place? Rhode Island on Thursday. I had to do the Huki La on Friday. Huki sold out by the way.

Nice. Yeah, they figured out a way how to get people in because it was packed and it was fucking great. Wow. Except for a lot of drunk people at the Huki La. But that's really hard to sell out the Huki La. It's huge. And how big is that?

And then, I don't know. I don't know. It's at least 500. It's like 50 or something. So then we did. That's great, Bob. Then we did the Wilbur, but here's the thing. You know, it was an alright.

Last time I was there, great. So tickets made bonus was fucking awesome. This time, October, I was in October last time. This time it's, you know, fucking summer. The, you know, the second last week of August, no kids are around, it's fucking every time vacation. It was fucking, it was hard to sell a ticket, but I did lost my voice again

I lost it on the shoot, too. Yeah, I felt bad for the fans because it's like I'm struggling to get through the fucking set Why why does that happen? You're not using your I lost it in Vegas No, you know dude. I've been I've been doing my thing for years I never had a really problem with it and then in Vegas something happened to my throat MMA I lost my I lost my what? MMA cheering. You cheer. You know, get home.

Nope. Lost it before that show. I lost it. I lost it. I was kind of excited about it. I thought it was because of you and Vegas. What do you, I stopped. Let's fucking stop.

What do you want to talk about, Lys? I'm just joking. I don't know. Go ahead Lys, the show show. What do you got? What do you got, Joe? Give it to me, Bobby. What do you got fucking little mouth?

What's the story you'd like to what story would you like to hear? Let's hear more about the mouth and the last thing The thing you lost the mouth lost you sorry mouth and mouth can I just say something? He's got a he's got a good point List has got a good point. It was getting very boring. No, I like it Anyways, it was I was moving on to that. I lost my fucking voice. Okay. But then I made it to vacation. I went to the Hampshire for from Saturday night, you know, Sunday morning to Monday morning. I was in the white mountains. Dude, I could be a redneck. I could grow a beard, let my hair grow fucking out, just be bald and fucking wear shitty shorts,

like fucking, and hiking boots, just shitty, meryl hiking boots, and a bandana always on me with some type of fucking knife. I could definitely do it, dude. I was in the woods, I was hiking every day up fucking mountains Going to fucking pools and waterfalls and I was fishing. I was I'm just a fucking redneck. Yeah, I love it I have a boat. You bought a boat. I have a boat. Oh, it's like a pocket boat, right? How's the pocket bike? He has like a pocket, but he's like folded and putting a backpack, right?

That's a backpack. has like a pocket. We can like fold it and put in a backpack. Right? That's a backpack. That's a pocket boat. No, no, no, compared to what boats are stored. That's a pocket boat. He has literally an instant boat. A pocket boat. How do you blow it out with a black rope? It's only Robert would find a pocket boat. It's a seagull. It's a blow up on tune boat. Seagull. I have a seahawk. Oh, that's a joke. That's it. Oh, that sounded like a horrible joke. There's an actual thing a see-hawk It's like the same thing. Yeah, I know the see-hawk is you have a see-hawk well my brother-in-law has one but I use it Wow, you have a boat. Yeah, no, you don't it's at my brother-in-law's house But is it your boat or is it your brother-in-law has a boat?

Yeah, you don't have a budget. I don't have a boat I don't know if you go I have a see-hawks cotton a lie so Joe you might fold on the question Yeah, boat mooch A boat mooch Yeah, I don't like the way he just whipped it. I got a boat to see see fuck you He just whipped it. I got a boat to see see I St. Creed hey, dude

I got a go I got a go all right. I'll see I got go I'm gonna go I just want to hang out for a second I got a good I'm going back on the pirate on the pirate pilot the pilot the pilot the pilot pilot what are you? Javid ease what was that the pirate go'm in a pirate. Go on in a pirate. Hey, we knock on your pirate. We're not. We're not. We're not. Are you pirate? Is that Lewis Grimmies? Not very good. Look at your pirate. It's incredible.

Is the end of this podcast. Yeah. No, I want to I would like to come back again. Yeah, come back. Is it every? What's today? Tuesday. Is it all at this time? We do it every Wednesday at around 10 in the morning. Thank you. Come back anytime you want. I'm not. How was that, Joe? My back? That's great. No, I just want to stop by. Say, you know, see what I've never seen this this place before. All right. Well, come back. It was something creepy. If we're doing a TV show together,

the show is over. So we won't be doing it here anymore. Oh okay. No I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Tell you just shitter pants. Oh my god. She will again back. She will back. Hey, yeah, you were part of the table. What's not normal about that, Joe?

Oh, good. Wait, wait, sign in a good spot. Oh what? There we go. Alright, there you go. Awesome. That's it, that's it. That's it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Just just Don't fucking do it. He take the pen away from you telling people to it's her It's not you fucking this up. Wait wait. I'm not you. It's not you. We're not even feeding you're correct I mean it's not you you're supposed to just sign your name not was here not fucking this or that

Oh, I'm sorry. You only to yeah It's not you just say you just say your name. Just put your name. Don't put was here Don't put the date the time Not it said it to her say it to her. That's what I fuck you should have told me and now I feel like I fucked up his shit Yeah, I'm the only dumbass. No, you're not thing this is another guy. The other guy did it. You know did it It fear the beard fear the beard who's that? What's his name? Filonious monk Thelonious monk He's a he's a blue. He's a black com He's a black

He's a man. He's a man. He's a man. Are you whisperin stupid? He's a man. Robert never wish raise. I tried to whisper black. No, the way you did you were like this. He's a moon like you. Right, Archie Bunker.

He's a man. He doesn't eat at legal. No, but he was like this. No reason. Nobody got that. First of all, nobody got that joke. Because you did quotes. It's ready. I do a lot of physical stuff I thought I was a podcast yo. I'm I'll see you next time. Hi buddy. I'll see you later. I see you guys Bye

Your girl is the nicest person ever she just sat there quietly You know you guys need to do though? Get some sleep. You both look tired. She looks tired as shit. Goodbye. Look at him. He's just in a doneness.

I can't stand it. He looks so good. Anyways. Yeah, so Kelly, you fucked up. I don't want to, because I think you don't want to. You didn't want to what? Because we were recording. And I didn't want to.

You say what, Kelly? I didn't want to say I'm like an asshole while we're recording and then he looked like he stopped I went to grab the pen and then he said it and that's what I went Kelly What are you supposed to do when you tell people the fucking sign? I'm just your name. How many fucking times? I know and it's your fault. It is my fault. I'm sorry Joe, what do you have to say? I mean you're a part of the show now. I said it all before I said it all Well, you know you get you get it's gotta, you're a pun on the fucking show now. I said it all before. I said it all before. Well, you know, you just gotta say, you know,

it's the same thing you said. Well, I gotta say it again, what we're gonna do. I wanted to fuck, cause you get to barrel it into a fucking Australian head. Find your name in your name only. But I just wanna do a story. Thank you, Gary. Sometimes you're just like,

I have too much fighting people that they're just not gonna, you know. But that's how you say to me. Everyone that's ever signed anything, right? You know, nothing's finer than being in your diner. I really want to smash a guitar over your head. So, I felt reference. Yeah, that really plays with me. I had a great zinger when you were talking about you going to be hiker and you're singing a way of bandana.

I saw a picture signed by Seinfeld on Melrose at a leather jacket store and it said, uh, nice leather we're having. Oh, God. That was so fun. So much to be able to cut his Achilles. He would have win when he was writing that himself though. He'd have been like, how was it? How is it tonight? I'm on stage for the first time at the seller in three weeks. And, uh, you just, you know, you're doing good. You're doing great in the crowds. Like, fuck, I'm like, for the first time at the cellar in three weeks and You just you know you doing good you doing great in the crowds like fucking wow This is great to be back and you come off and just Louis CK is waiting in the hall if you're here to get off You know they just I went over a little bit to the like you know everybody's like fuck you

Like I didn't know as him and then you come off and then and then he goes in the crowd just goes bully like a how did they know nobody? Who was there? Huh? How did they know that we Louis was there the crowd they didn't but you said that I came off and I came out Hey, and he's standing there just waiting and I'm like oh fuck hey, what's up? And he you know, he's just you get you fight in your head like oh he was listening No, you wish you had tried on some new stuff I always think that I would probably seen in those jokes He's gonna go up and do a new 20 cuz you know cuz you know he has it. Yeah, he's ruining our laziness. He really is

He fucking is when we first started What did they tell you if you got five or ten minutes a year you were doing great? You were prolific now if you're not turning your jokes over every six weeks Great you were prolific now if you're not turning your jokes over every six weeks You're lazy if you don't have a new fucking out if you're not a savant I'd fucking edit direct film fucking cast. Yeah, and everything from your one bedroom of the pretender What the fuck happened? Yeah, but do you think you feel like and I'm not saying this about Louis at all But do you think if someone's turning over an hour of new material every year that there's a lack of quality? No, no, no

Not with him I dare you I would dare you ever talk about the way like Yeah, but I've already done the due diligence Brilliant Yeah, but I've already done the due diligence This stuff is brilliant Beyond all of us here it is this is to press here's a deal when you find that voice right look You can look at the voice again I wasn't gonna get a backup on the joys and fire champ, but I clapped anyway Really buddy? We're getting along. It's great.

I like it. Why is it down here? He was about to drop some knowledge. It's a good blasphemer. I can't believe the blasphemy that full of stucous throughout there. All right. Drop a truth bum. I am.

Now it's a pressure's arm. I can't do it. This is the dumbest thing ever. Stop! When you have that voice, the ear to bull coffee is picking in now irritable Gary. It's not the Gary I'm gonna how the how fucking I'm gonna go up to was gofrey sleeping while he's talking Yeah, yeah, yeah, I notice that too. Yeah, he's like What wake up motherfucker, do you think you really had a go now? I?

Think his girl texted him we need to go yeah, yeah really had a go now i think his girl texted him we need to go well i don't blame it would you really want to sit here well you've you know you she were she is a real job works all fucking day up probably five in the morning and then why is your eye closing because i just remember that the days of having a woman where are you or are you and i and now i'm having a

fucking coneption just think i have to be at now yeah anyways back to louis i think that it's it's of having a woman, where are you? Where are you? And now I'm having a fucking connection, just thinking about that. I have. Back to Vietnam. Well, anyways, back to Louis, I think that it's, it's, it's now, yeah, the game has fucking changed a little bit. I think so, but I think though, like, look, if you get a show and your money is about, you're making money, you have money,

you can go up and just talk. Yeah. Well, we found that voice. We found the voice, but it's also, dude, you have money you can go up and just talk well we found that voice they found the voice but it's also dude the fear is gone and when he was just a writer he came in into the same fucking set yeah that he was doing all the time here is that it about your fucking times but i wanted to ask you a question about somebody that when we started was huge

and never wrote uh... a joke he would just kill every single time and made millions and got really famous. And then I don't even know if he does stand up anymore. That young man's name was Anthony Clark. You knew exactly who I was talking about. Yeah, you know too, Joe. He was amazing, but was it just that we were starting out and anybody who killed that hard was a man.

He was really good wasn't he? he was the time when you were coming up and if you were a character Are you getting they gave out deals they gave out those development deals the holding deals right But they gave up he would destroy he would he would F***ing follow but here's the thing back then in Boston you could destroy Okay, all the time doing the same shit. Nobody knew what comedy was. There was no fucking, nobody's as good as we thought he was. Look at the curve, no, he was,

but the curve wasn't out there. You did the same shit every night. You go up and, sweetie went up and fucking more, see, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, fucking hotland, fucking hot, stuff, fucking, corn, corn. Go step both in next sense. So it's, but the person himself, it didn't matter what he was saying. It was the way they were saying it, who was saying it.

And he was one of those guys. He's like, you know, they can just go up and just fucking kill it because of who they are. You know what I mean? Like there's certain guys that have to write good jokes because they have nothing else. If they went up and just talked, seriously, hilarious guys that really do well

and have great material, but if you, they did nothing else to it, you couldn't watch them just be there for an hour. I can go on stage and just fuck off for an hour. I'm one of those boss thing guys. That, it can, but it can be detrimental to you because you can rely on that. And I like, I was saying this, I said this to my wife

after the Wilbur show, I need to go back to comedy. I need to work harder on my comedy. I need to focus on my act again because I've been so all over the place with other shit for the last year Right the book the it was the movie the book then the script and now this this show that we just filmed and now You know there's something else going on. Well, dude It's like I do comedy and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore. I'm pulling it off

Yeah, because I can because I'm a 20 year veteran, but I don't feel fucking, I don't feel good about it. I didn't feel good about the Wilbur Show as I did the last time I was there. I felt good at Rhode Island because I was a comic. I decided to take the end of my act and do it up front, take the middle and do it after that, and then do the beginning sprinkled in, and I fucked with it and took a chance

and it worked out and then I worked in some new shit. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I felt better about that than I did. It makes you more present. Yeah, dude. I mean, fuck, I gotta come up with an hour every six months every year. Let me ask you this.

How are you coping without Alan Arthirapiston town for this time? Oh, yeah, L.A. I don't know, dude. I don't know, dude..A. I don't know dude he's coming back next week yeah do you know that two years ago I called him during his vacation I what about Bob them I did it last year you a bill Murray yeah I did it last year God I was in dire straits I think I cried for seven hours straight. What? I'm exaggerating, but I was very sad.

Yeah, a couple of summers ago. I did it last year. And I had to call him. And it's the ultimate in giving up. I feel I just couldn't cope. I had the doll that looks like him, and it wasn't enough. What?

He gave me the doll that looks like him. I gave him that doll. Oh really? Hahaha. It's a fuck is going on. I didn't know that, Bob. He gave me the doll that looks like I gave him that doll. Oh really? Fuck is going on. I didn't know that Bob. Well, yeah, I gave him that doll. He also gave it to me backstage at the When I take my special he didn't we came to you special. No, he gave me that doll to have backstage by special He did he gave you what he basically gave you a mini hymn. Yeah, I didn't get that. That is so creepy. Well, you didn't ask for it.

I asked him for it. I didn't film a special. I asked him for it. Wow. You know what's weird? What? What's weird? Yeah, dude, I did it last year during a hurricane.

I remember the hurricane. Yeah. It was this time last year. This time I quit smoking. It's been a year, by the way. Yeah. Oh, congratulations. That's huge.

Yeah, I call them last year, but, dude, I don't fucking was he, was he, uh, how did you, how did you find him? I had his number. I have a cell phone number. Okay. You have that right? I got it through through, look at his channels. No, we're doing it. I got it through channels. I had it through his family. Well, like old Yentos on vacation You got that you got the townhouse with the kitchen Now I did but you got the parking did you I got a parking yeah, we have the breakfast included oh We didn't get that you didn't but this is what you do. Let me let me see if I can hook it up for you Yeah, I was able to get in touch with them. Yeah, I am I came to this conclusion But everybody everybody now is a fucking,

fucking piece of shit, including myself. There's no way around it. Everybody I know, even you Gary, even you, even you, even you is gonna fail me. Oh, God. Well, let me finish. All right. It's gonna fail me because

my expectations are so high on Friendship or family because you know, what's wrong? You called me a piece of shit here. I would say piece of shit. He's gonna finish. Let me finish I didn't interrupt that time. Oh, well, you went oh Jesus and I thought you shit your pants Express I'm expressing concern for I'm saying this and tell me if I'm wrong that everybody is a problem at some point or another And it all come and even me you know, I I'm fucked up everybody's fucked up Every ass you're gonna ask for what you're wrong. Yeah, but here That's our therapist you also gonna know what you want as well. No but here, that's our therapist. You also got to know what you want as well. No, it's, it's,

look, you, you have, everybody's fucked up. You have your issues, dude. This thing's that you just do because it's you. Yeah. That's is gonna fucking conflict with me. That's why I think you get a wife. I think your wife is the closest thing to what you want.

Like that doesn't fuck with you or doesn't aggravate you, as you can get. And that's why a later in life guys go, you know what, I'm just gonna be with her most of the fucking time. Wow. Because I can be with her. If I'm with you, we've fought, dude, we've been together. I love you to death.

You're one of my closest people, I love you, but we've been there. We've pissed each other off. We've been nose to nose, fuck you in a hot tub, and fucking Mexico. Go and go fuck yourself. And two in the morning, with people like literally getting scared in the hot tub,

because we were gonna fight each other. We've been there more than once. Yeah, you know? In a hot tub of all types. I mean, we look we've made up. And in the kitchen of an Italian restaurant yeah and also we had it out in a theater in a in a San Francisco Seattle and and uh Jay Davis tried I might have been San Francisco Jay Davis tried to uh give us an exorcism it got so bad yeah you

grab both our shirts and was the power of Christ compels you yeah the power of Christ compels you like a lunatic and I looked at him and he's Jewish. That's what I was. This isn't gonna work. It's gonna work halfway. Is it gonna happen? Is it gonna happen, Dan after that? What's that?

All right, now how does that really look? How does that relate to... Put that around, you face like a bandit. How does that relate to Alan? So you find out that your appease of shit. Well, because he hasn't been around. He hasn't been around. And you're gonna share it with him when you get back to his office on whenever

I realized this during this last month of him not being around is that everybody I've been in situations where everybody's Fucked up and then all of a sudden I'm like I fucked up to there's no way out of it It's like it's not worth it to try to I I'm not going to argue with Joe. If you do something to me, I'm not going to go fucking do. You fucking do this and you do that. And you're going to change if you want to. You know what I mean? I'm going to have to accept certain things from people. And just that's the way they are. Let it go. Accept, accept yourself and accept them. Yeah, that's one thing. I love that the day told me I could accept, accept myself for being fat He said just be for you until you are until you are Yeah, I was like I can be fat. He's like yeah, he's a big fat. They come at the frog

Little bit deep, but well you've never been to therapy. No, I'd years ago I was not with this guy. Do you not believe in therapy? I believe in there. I can't afford therapy. He's on a scale I would love to be He's on a scale. I would love to be. He's on a scale. Great. I got to send me another person who's kind of low ballman. I can low my budget for it. Yeah. If Kelly's goes to his wife. If she can go, you can go. Yeah. I had one of those things like you guys. Kelly makes more money than you. I don't know about that. No, you know what she does. She way tables. Kelly makes more money than that. No, I don't. You depend on comedy games.

We can, we'll go through a budget. I mean, we don't. No, but I had one of these moments. You talk about that, you know, calling him on the holidays. I had one of those moments of Bev where I called her during, I was at work, Wayne Tables. And was like, I need to see you today. Can you pray today?

And she's like, yeah, okay, full 30 come in. And I went straight off to work. I went to the store. I had like a fucking countdown. Not the same. We interrupted his vacation to have a phone session. Oh my god. You just made an appointment. I had to appointment you guys before.

You should have with a gold baby step. I took baby steps to his vacation house. What a fucking movie. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Who am I? What a fucking movie.

He made two of the most uncomfortable great Groundhog day and what about Bob what's up? What a great what about Bob is such a silly great movie how great is Drifus though? Oh my god, and it's actually really it's really deep when you get to it. He's gonna kill him Yeah, it's gonna fucking murder him. It's so dark. That's what I, it's really deep when you get to it. He's gonna kill him. Yeah, it's gonna fucking murder him. It's so dark, that's what I meant to say, not deep dark. Yeah, I hooked it up, I straightened it out,

for you didn't have to fucking admit it. I straightened it out for you. I took you back down the right road, you took it left, I said right, I took it, we're on the road, we're out there. Yeah dude, what a fucking great movie. But it's true though, it's like, this last month, I'm fucking, I've been fine, and I'm sitting there going, I'm alright, look at, I kind of had some revelations,

like, you know, look, everybody knows flawed. What I mean by asshole, that's like a Boston way of saying flawed. Everybody's not perfect. Everybody's gonna disappoint me because you're just not, you're not perfect. Yeah, I'm not either I'm not mind readers. People hate me People friends of mine are mad at me right now and I don't know why but I know it's because of something

I did and I have to accept that but why won't they tell you what they're mad about? I don't know That's their problem. It's not but it's not it I get it I get it I did something I'm a fuck up to I fuck up all the time dude fuck up all the time I fuck me and you fucked up like I like Joe you are fuck up dude I mean what right now what do you think you're fucked up shit is what do you do that makes you a shitty person and a shitty friend to yourself into the people you know? I don't think I'm a shitty person or a shitty friend. I do listen All right I

Want that band dinner off Just leave it on the table on that one. It's never been on the table. I don't know the table. That was funny. It's funny. It's funny. It's that one. I love you.

This is what we need video on the show because he actually looked at his watch that he doesn't have. Oh. Class of commitment. That is great. Class of. Good to be age, I. I don't think I'm a shitty friend.

I think I'm a lunatic. I don't think I'm a shitty friend. What's the difference? What's oh, I mean I get hives every two days because I'm a crazy person But I don't fuck over friends or anything What makes you a lunatic? I don't know. Have you ever fun? Have you ever friends fucking yell at you and tell you a fuck talk? Oh, yeah, fuck what like what like what? I mean, I don't I can't think of an example right now But what was the last time you fought with a friend?

I don't know I don't know usually it's drunk stuff or something. I don't know. I can't think of one off the top of my head You can't remember the last friends all that much really. I don't know I don't know I'm just asking everyone else. Well, here's the thing is you don't have I'm saying it like you have to tell me one You can say I don't you don't you don't have? I can't do you trying to come up with something like it's not an improv where you're denying me. I mean before we dance. Yes and I don't think we fight because dance's too agreeable to get in the fight.

I can be like you being a fucking your piece of shit. I am a piece of shit. He really is. He really is a neutral motherfucker. He is the neutralist fence. He's a fence. But there's something about Dan that is, I don't know, man. It's just, he's a good, you can see that he's a good hearted person, but he fucks up

Just fucks up. He's just dumb I don't know if it's dumb or doesn't like I gave him a shit for not do I wanted him open it for me at the Wilbur and he yeah, and he just I was like dude. Let's make it happen go Let's I want you there. I first of all he wasn't First of all, he was opening fans and he jessled like, it's like, dude, you're on my show. You're on my show every week. I fucking exposed you to him. I fucking made you.

I fucking made, I'm all green. But I was banging cheerleaders. Go ahead. I made my bones when you were banging cheerleaders. But Dan was, I heard that story, and it sounded like, first of all, Dan wanted to work, and then it, wasn't it the case that you needed him to call,

but he wasn't gonna make the call? I just didn't, here's the thing, is I don't wanna force somebody, I didn't, in my hand, I'm like, maybe he doesn't wanna open for me, maybe. No, of course he would wanna open for you. But I don't know that, dude, when I wanted to open for me. Maybe I see what would want to do. But I don't know that, dude. When I wanted to open for somebody, right?

I would be like, dude, can I do it? Can I do it? I'd ask, I'd be like, I really want to do it. Yeah. And I'd be like, dude, am I opening for you? He never fucking, just let it go. Like I brought it up to him and then he just let it go. And then I never heard from him again.

Never heard from the club, never heard from him. And I'd say, I don't want to chase somebody to open for me. Right. But I'm not going to chase you. It's two days before I got a lot of shit going on. Yeah. I don't have the fucking time. He always was his one fault.

Hey, bro, am I still open for you? Fuck yeah, absolutely. You know what I mean? But if it's a travel thing, I think most openers assume that you're going to make their arrangements for different things. He was already there for Anthony Justin that was already taking care of. Wow. That's why I'm saying it's like, dude, you're gonna be there anyways.

But you could, I've had the opposite. I knew the headliner can't you just be like, I'm bringing Dan Soder and then you go, Soder, you're all set. I said that. I said, I want the same, oh, I probably fucked up, I was joking. I said, my agent said, who do you want, my management said, who do you want to open for you here, here and here. I said, I don't care for providence and for Hugi Lau. Another thing too is I don't want to take a work away from local Boston guys. I don't want to do that.

I want to be the guy that comes in and brings this fucking guy from New York. I don't want, you know what I mean? But I said, the first two shows, local guys, whoever it is, I don't care, because they always put, that's why I'm at Joe List. They always put, that's why I met Joe List. They always put good guys in front of me. And then I said, I want the same opener

that Justin Locke has from my Wilbur date, which is Dan Tota. Yeah. And then a day before we're doing the gig, I get a, who do you want to open for your Wilbur? It's like, he never said anything to me. He never, Dan never called me. They fucked up.

Now it's like, and then it's just so happened that Tom Dustin texted me at that moment. Dude, right, a gig fallout. You wanna open? I was like, fuck yeah, just him go. How do I have, it's like, and I called Dan. I was like, what are you doing? You're fucking idiot.

Just call me. And he's, I've been in the position like with DiPolo for years would be like, yeah, I want you to open for me these dates. And I'd be like, well, is there a number? Do you have a guy? And he's like, well, I'm not your fucking agent. these dates and I'd be like, well, is there a number? Do you have a guy? And he's like, well, I'm not your fucking agent.

And I'm like, I know, but I'm your friend and I don't know where, I can't just call a club and be like, yeah, what's the secret? Yeah, but sometimes it can be, huh? Yeah, but he even do that. He would, he would, damn, what? Okay. Oh, yeah. And then I never heard from him.

If he called me up and said, is there a number? I'm like, yeah, here's a number. You just call it, but let me take care of it. I just forgot. And then it's like, I'm not gonna, I don't have time to be your agent too. I don't have time to be your fucking manager and make sure, okay, so you're cool with the gig?

How much do you want? I don't, just do, just talk to me. I always fail it. It's because I'm disorganized and then most comedians are disorganized. Maybe, yeah. Look, you know, the best part about Dan is you can fucking, you can say something to him and if he's wrong,

he's like, all right, dude, I fucked up. You know what I mean? That's the best part about, I think that's a great quality at anybody. Yeah. And I try to have that too. I'm gonna, I'm gonna some shit with a friend of mine. I'm gonna remain nameless because I don't want to get into it.

Because then, you know, he'll be fucking tweeted by a bunch of people. Dude, are you a book bulb going to a plate? And then, what are you, you know. But I, you know, it took a, we had a fucking heated one a couple of weeks ago. A nice fucking hot one on the phone. A heated conversation.

And then we stopped and I looked at it and after a week and it's like, I'm gonna be like, fuck it, you know what dude? I fucked up. I get your point. I fucked up here, but I wasn't malicious, blah, blah, blah. Okay man, cool. It's like we're getting too fucking old to do that shit.

Rosa was fine with it. Oh, Olivia wasn't, Rosa. Rosa would never, never. Rosa argues, man, he, I think he likes to, he likes to win. You know what I mean? That motherfucker likes to win. You look, I mean? That motherfucker likes to win. You're like, I fought with the roaster. A bunch of times, man.

A bunch of fucking times. But he's, he's, he's, but he'll, like, he'll call you a couple days later. Dude, a fucking, you know, he's another good guy. He's in the heart. I think we're all, we're all fucking fucked, man. Comics are fucking fucked. But good, how to mostly by nature, I think.

Greatest people in the world. I think so. We're the greatest people in the world, and we're way better than actors. Yeah. Way better than actors. But I think it's because a lot of comics were so loyal to our friendships.

And because I get that bit, well, you're talking about now, but what I'm noticing is, Kelly for stoke everybody. Kelly for stoke. What I'm noticing is for Kelly for stook everybody What I'm noticing because I'm at a completely different level to everyone in this room is that I'm noticing now friends of mine The people that I consider really close friends of mine starting to get a little bit of success a tiny tiny little bit of success And it's like invasion of the body snatches. What does that mean check spots at the stand up New York? People are starting to go hey hey, look at this guy, doing well. But I'm noticing that they're changing. Yeah, no, but that's what it Gary, you fucking lot, that's what it is. It's like, Gary's all over you. Yeah, they're fucking, but they're getting like,

they're changing in front of my eyes and I can't handle it. Cause I'm like, oh my God, it's gonna get much worse. That's what people get pilots and not even asking to go on a pilot with you. So I'm not paper that. Like that's how it works. But it's fucking you say it. I'm just kidding. I don't hate people that brag about,

oh so and so, so and so told me that I'm like, really funny and that they like retweeted me cause I was really funny. Like people bragging about that stuff. And I'm like, who the fuck are you anymore? You know what that means we need to hang out all the time who are you and I'm devastated David's dating back in Boston was saying all this guy's middle and for dick right middle and for dick The art is being jealous. Oh God. I remember I jealous. I remember I was telling that bill blooming right?

Story I I was so excited when I got to drive the middle or out to for Gilbert God for the hoogie-low Oh my god, and I got to introduce the middle or I remember going out and I was backstage going Well, I wish the last name again, and then I went out you guys ready Come on you could do better than that Bobbi would what about this side? And then on the second show, I was like, just introduce the show. Don't do all that crazy shit.

And I thought I did like a real good job with this side of the room and that's out of the room. I got a really powerful. And they were like, don't do that. And I was like, oh, it's like fuck made, dude. I was excited. I was excited now.

It's like fucking what? I remember the first time I opened for Dana was the biggest thrill of my career and in Remains so. You have been for Dana? Where? I was a, I was a, I was a tempted to joke. That got enough. What's that? I want you to pick up that bandana or tie it around your neck and jump out the window. Or just shove it down your song. Yeah. Yeah. that. Yeah, what you choke on it. You didn't hit anything else, but I know. Boom. I'm gonna be fed in this mouth.

Baby alive. Baby alive choke. Oh, I could get it. Baby alive choke on a Q-tip. I'm gonna tell everyone that Gary laughed at. Gary Goldman laughed at one of my jokes. I'm gonna leave it alone. Now you're even with your other friends.

Oh wow. You had a fucking panicking about your Starbucks tonight. No. You fucking latte, fucking motto-ato, whatever you want. I just don't even get a thrill. I have to go to Starbucks. I have to go to my self, though. Where's the thing?

There's the thing that I go, I go to fucking coffee bean. They make the same thing. I think he wanted Starbucks. One night, Bob Kelly and I rejoiced over the opening of the of the coffee bean somebody made fun of us and we didn't back down No, we stuck our fucking guns because coffee beans, you know why crushed ice yes crushed ice was one of my goals in life and I Speaking of fucking goals in life crushed ice what did I do have at my house? Why don't you come over for dinner? Oh? I would love go out Joe. I would love for you to come to oh great

I want to have a dinner with all you fucking home Vanley dinner. I'm gonna do that at my house. You gonna come. Yeah, I can't wait Maybe we'll do it on a patch to get past game watch the past That's a that's football. Yeah, I dick just moved really We're gonna do that. Um well she will sometimes I went away. I went away on What are you doing? I think you can take the band off for that? You can't take the dick just move thing. You don't take it off you until somebody lays a Way for a hot one that's a bomb bandana as fucking she'll she'll have

Certainly can loosen it yeah That's definitely it's definitely not staying on Joe's mind. It's definitely gonna hit the fucking mic on this side of the day. It's gonna be over here soon, Gary. What are you saying about me? Well, here's a deal. Well, here's a deal. I don't think I'll leave something bad in the house.

Well, first of all, I went away for a week or so and Kelly, you know, she did me a favor by checking my mail for me every other day and bringing it, but she stays at my house, because you live with a fuck you live. I live in Queens. I have like an owl commute to work and when I say a Bobby's I have seven minute commute and it's the best. Yeah and I love a fucking crazy awesome awesome apartment. You know, you have been in my house show. I've been to your house, yes.

Yeah, you love my apartment, right? I don't remember what I was going to say about about comedians who are our friends and why there's best people to have as friends and even the friends I have who aren't comedians have the same qualities that the comedians who are friends or why there's best people to have as friends. And even the friends I have who aren't comedians have the same qualities that the comedians have. And that's that I like it when a friend will tell you when things aren't going well. Some friends we have they're

only telling you the great things that's like all right well you don't need me. You don't need me everything's going so well. And then my friends who are like honest with me and share their problems, you feel needed. Well, you know, you can you could feel you can feel needed, but you can it's the greatest thing in the world when you find out that people have problems too. Yeah, you're

not alone. The thing that a the reason why alcoholics anonymous worked to begin was one guy telling another guy that I'm fucked up like you and then they could be like oh shit okay that's what therapy was for me really yeah that you have this I was like oh there's a name for it that means someone else had it yeah take it easy that's a great point yeah that was called gay ¡Ey, baby! ¡Ets, alright! ¡Ets, dos! Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Huelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea.

Tarifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. Sorry. A little much. She got the banana for that. Buh-buh-buh-buh thing. I don't know. No. No. No. No, we don't get the banana. I don't have sound effects in the show. So we need her to do those things. Buh-buh-buh-buh. I want to push that button at that point. Yeah, I want the sound effects. But yeah, I think, I think, but anyway, she stays at my house, okay.

And this motherfucker, you know, I got a fucking, you know, I'm beautiful Hell's Kitchen apartment, duplex, king size bed. You know what I mean? 5555. Wait, did you hook up while you were there? No, no.

There's the rule, no jizz in my house. No boys. There's no boys, you know, we get it all in silver. Then you can fuck. No, no, no. If you can, if you can get come in and then waddle to the bathroom and dump it in a toilet, you're fine. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yeah, not even at a date and a lift if you if you can use Painter's tape to tape up your snatch

Right after he blows a load on you One of those things that the voices eat out of if you can make him pussy into a mall-toff Comtail cocktail. Oh shit Give me that give me that give me that I Was on purpose the jokes sucked and you tried to act like it was a Freudian slip I had time. That was on purpose. The jokes sucked and you tried to act like it was a Freudian slip.

You went, come tell. Oh, I meant to say, yeah, she's a little bit more. No, I tried to fix it. I really did. I'll take the bed, Dad. Someone will get it. But anyways, yeah, you spend the, you see you're at my house. And here's what bugs me.

All right. I let her come to my place, which is an upgrade from her life. Ha ha ha ha. It's like when, when Kramer used to stay at Jerry's when Jerry was on. And then Jerry, and Kramer ended up being really normal. Yeah. Oh, is that so here's a deal. She's, she's staying at my better life.

So I upgrade her life for the week. She gets to come on cable up and down and in the bathroom. Right. There's plugs everywhere for your iPhone. Dual jacks, right? Internet, fucking, not just regular internet. The highest, shit you got. I got Concierge service, okay?

I got two, I got five gig, and I got the 2.5 gig. I got two fucking lines, okay? I got Apple TV, I got Xbox. Oh, don't you love Apple TV? Love it. I don't know how to use that So I didn't use it. Okay, here's a deal and then I have a bidet a Fucking boo day I have a refrigerator with crush all the time Yeah, you don't use a bidet. You're just spreading peanut butter. That's great. Wow. All you're doing Well, I have a system where I wet a little bit of the

dehoi de paper and get in there for one. What are you, a savage Jesus Christ? Get a bidet. I'm just saying one. Get a bidet. I have roommates. Yeah. The day's holiday.

Yeah, roommates, how old are you? Yeah. Well, let me tell you something. Yep. Ooh, flat tally. Can we give him the banana for that? Oh Kelly's all over Did you just spit you can now it over?

You really did just fucking study your way through nothing. What do you got go? What do you got? I I love if Gary just snapped and snapped her neck Oh, I took a path I took a bath on a on a house. I wound up with roommates because I couldn't get I took a bath on a house. I wound up with roommates because I couldn't get a new apartment. Yeah, no, it's fine. You don't have to apologize.

You took a bath on it, huh? Yeah, I sold it while you were away. I sold the house. And I took a bath. I'm sorry, dude. It's okay. I wish I could have bought it. I'm happy.

I wish I could have bought it and donated it back to you. No, no, no. It would have been perfect for you because it has everything that you, it's close to fishing and it's in the wilderness you could hike and and like fruit and You pocket you argue with your friends because when you get them a gift you refer to it as a donation Or should I get about it and donated it back? Leasing it in sale and getting you a donation for tax purposes I was trying to save it. I was trying to save his money.

I didn't want to have to fucking lose money on the deal. You were up for a nerve. So this broad stays at my house. This fucking Australian fucking broad stays at my house. Scared, I don't know what's coming here. Well, what did you do? Why would you be scared? I don't know.

I could stay at anybody's house and not be scared. I cleaned the toilet and the sink before I left. I didn didn't dishes before I left. I love how long you're doing I don't know what could you have been scared of awful Kelly? You have a shot listen to me. You have a shot right now. I am being to listen to me And I bought a toilet paper stop. You have a you have a chance right now to come clean You have a come clean hang on one second. You have a chance right now to come clean and I won't even give a fuck I'll hang on we'll move on. We'll never bring it up again or I'm gonna fucking reveal what the fuck happened You can either come clean and I listen to me look at me look at me

You can either come clean and I'll never I'll never bring it up again We'll just move on just you know, just don't ever do it again and we'll move on or you can young I'm gonna tell I got you this evidence. I got fucking evidence. I'm talking. There's no way out of it for you There's no way out of it I think he's making fun of me. No, there's no way out of it for you Now he's even on purpose because he wants me to admit something that I did. Absolutely. But I didn't do anything. Absolutely not.

Yeah, go ahead. I'm going to hyphenate the cheat and make two guesses. A booger hyphen toenail? No. Unmade bed. No, I made the bed. Worst than that. Worst and unmmade.

Yeah, go. Worst than toenail slash booger? Yes. Is it a tampon involved. No, keep going You can make these funny at any point too by the way You guys you guys can if I did something I don't obviously don't know what I was keep going fucking Gary I can't think I live food in the fridge. Nope That would be such a sin, But I couldn't. There was a

little bit of rubbish in there. Again, you point at me. Yeah. I just game this game stinks. Just fucking tell me what I love it. Because I don't know. Obviously, I don't know what I did. You showed the place after some open micers. No, no one came in. I never let anyone. She bought. You ready? Yeah. I bring her into my house. Let her stay there. I have a fucking I have a a hundred thread Sheet counter whatever what are they called? Is that good? I don't even know

Egyptian thread count 800 thread count on my Egyptian cotton How much is that like $300? Oh no way more than that. Wow, I believe in the bed. All right, beautiful unbelievable king size California king Little bit bigger I don't even get that I don't even get it because you can't get it into an apartment. I got it in I'm sitting myself. I've built a side department. I got it in huge. I got it in was it stressful to get it in it was But I know what I got it in moving doors from hinges hiring fucking people. Engineers.

Yeah. Oh God. She, she, she fucking, she got me. Now I come home from a five and a half hour trip from New Hampshire in the car, tired, have to unpack, little, you know, get home. I go down to my bathroom, go into my bathroom. I sit down on my toilet, my beautiful toilet with the beda, the heated seat, the heated water, right?

I turned the TV on, there's got cable in there, New York one, boring black guy with the long face. New York one, South New York was windy with the chance of rain. I'm gonna throw out. I'm gonna throw out. I don't know what I did. Shh. And there was some duck killed and Central Park this afternoon.

We'll be back in a minute with the net highlights. Right? He reported about a duck thing. I go to to use the bidet and I use a little toilet paper at the end just to just to check just to make sure you always want to double check And I go to use the toilet paper that she bought she brought fucking sand paper in my house She bought Fucking bodega

toilet paper she bought seven rolls from 99 cents and put it on my fucking house my ass I Worked 20 years 20 fucking years to fucking get that place. Yeah, I worked my head We went on tour. We went on two tours to buy that apartment. We ate shit We ate shit. We fucking did what we had to do to get that and I got crushed ice. I got a new kitchen I got a new bathroom. I got a fucking bidet and then she brought toilet paper sand paper Sand my house in my house, Gary Where my children come play with their toys And she put it and she and I wipe my you know my wife did she came up after because I forgot

She came up she goes Kelly bought really bad. That's like Sam pit my wife says My wife Pudi God scratched oh Jesus I heard both I'll bet you the toilet paper like fell apart and crumbled and how you got duty on your hand. This is, your pinky goes through. Duty heads.

Oh, you're index finger. Index finger. That's the best they had. Yeah, this is New York City. There's 24 hour fucking. You can go and you get the fucking expensive. You the most expensive. Darren, I got the most expensive toilet paper they had.

Ha ha ha ha. I'm gonna get a lot of tweet ads for that. Happy Han, I got the most expensive toy people they had We're gonna love tweet ads for that I love the movie lines these things You know what dude fans you guys please please please you want to support the show go to amazon.com Go right now and we're gonna buy all your gifts, but don't just go to amazon go to Ryecast.com slash Robert Kelly and hit the Amazon button on our page. Anything you're going to buy from the internet, buy it from us, you're supporting us. Every time you make a purchase from that thing on our site on ricast, you're helping the podcast out. Gary, you raise your hand. Go.

Are we going to do any tech, tech speak? We are. Yes, we are. I've upgraded in a number of different ways Since since we last got together. We're gonna do tech talk right after we come back from this commercial break You you say you weren't having beers You said you weren't gonna take a little break, but I mean from the drinking the way I'm having a nice beer I ate two bowls of fruit today Yeah, but you said you're gonna you say you're not gonna drink at all

This is what I want this is I just don't want because this podcast is a little mellow today. I don't want it to go make you drink. I don't want I don't want the show to make you drink. This is my plan. I was gonna second half have a beer. So second half. Yeah, I'm just looking out for you. No, I'm recovering alcoholic. I'm going home. I know that. I'm here for you. I'm having a you guys are fans of the show. Please, I want you to you guys are fans of the show and your fans of video games. Go to Gamefly.com slash YKWD. Join up for Gamefly.com. It's the Netflix of video games. You don't have to buy them anymore. 60 bucks, 40 bucks, spend that money, have the game, play it through, through and then you sit there with a bunch of fucking games

And you're gonna get what a fun 99 cents a video game return it. It's it's lost all its value It's horseshit just go to Gamefly.com slash ykwd join up and you're actually donating to the show You're helping the show for every listener that does that you're helping the show for every listener that does that You're helping the show we get to get a little cash we can buy new stuff we can pay some of these people and keep buying all the beers for fucking alcoholic Joe And you're helping yourself out because you're not wasting money pissing it out of window buying video games If you have an Xbox or a Sony or if you have a Wii if you're a

fucking not like me and love video games go and join Gamefly.com right now if you go to what Gamefly.com slash YKWD you get a two week trial free free doesn't cost you anything that's 22 95 dollar because there are a number of games that I want I want to get that Arkham game with the Batman and I want to get a first-person shooter game. Great game. Call the duty. There's a lot of games coming up, but you can get them all. Here's the thing, you get two games to take home.

When you done, return them and they send you a new game back that's in your query, okay? So if, and if you want to keep it, you can buy it if you want. But another thing that's great, cancel any time. Wow. So you can join up, get the two weeks, and you cancel if you don to keep it, you can buy it if you want. But another thing that's great, cancel any time. So you can join up, get the two weeks and you cancel if you don't like it. But you're also, you've never got a cancel because it's awesome. It's cheap.

The actual service is just like Netflix, Netflix, but for video games. So go check it out. Gamefly.com slash YKWD. Join up, get your two week trial now and also we've got is that one I'm yep okay good the guys at laugh button mat and Chris who by the way I didn't mention this the other day when they were here I've got my two brothers are called mat and Chris as well is that yeah can you do me a favorite title is bandana around her throat and jump out a window. So now that who gives a shit bandana.

That's a... Oh fuck you! Alright, so the guys from Lav'Van. That's funny. So wait a minute, your brothers are named Matt and Chris. And the two guys from Lav'Van. And these two guys that know what he gives a fuck about. We're also called Matt and Chris.

We give a fuck about Matt and Chris from Lav'Van. Oh yeah, the listener is a real huge Lav'Van button promoter fans. Yeah, they're fans of promoters. That's how inside comedy they've gotten. Oh, this guy's a great promoter. Promotes I really want Alan to come back and start taking care of you. Because you've changed, buddy. You've changed. Not about the music anymore. Yeah, Kelly. And then also the guys at last spin and then Krinschumar, who had a really nice article about the music anymore. Yeah, Kelly. And then also the guys at last spin. And then, Khrinshima, who got a really nice article about the podcast.

They did. They've mentioned this as one of the best ones to listen to because like, yeah, I won't go into it. Go to Khrinshima and read it. So go to khrinshima.com. And also check out the new comedy club, The Stand. Stand. Brand new.

September 6th, I believe. It opens up and it looks pretty cool. It looks really, it looks like a comic comedy club. You know what I mean? So I'm going to go check it out. It will be those kind of clubs because Patrick's a comedy nerd. And there's going to be a quality at that club that's going to be awesome. There's not going to be a money.

There's so many shitty fucking places where it's all about the bringers and the just getting the people in but that he's a nerd So that's good. I'm sorry am I? Okay, I find myself getting cataracts when you talk I'm kidding. I'm really I'm joking I know I know I'm gonna give out the address as well because we got some gifts this week Yeah, I want to talk about that real quick We you we've been getting all the address to the podcast for you fans that want to actually send us stuff. And I didn't I didn't know you guys are going to do it. I just kind of threw it out there. And you did.

They did. It's awesome. Yeah, we we explain the first gift over here, which is from Fabian Martin. Fabian. Yeah, you're a picture of Patrice and we put it in a frame and it's now on Bobby's desk in the studio. Yeah. And we'll, you'll see it in the video. Phil is here. Fucking five o'clock shadow Phil is here. Oh, boy. And he's definitely Jesus Christ. Phil took, Phil last night saw me take a home on, at a show.

Oh boy, everybody. Why didn't you bring this up like 49 minutes ago? Why can't you? We should be talking, I'm trying to fucking, I'm going to vacation. I've been a fuckingluse for a week. I come back, I'm doing this podcast. Took me 43 minutes to get my first good one out. Joe's back to drinking because it was so fucking boring on this one. Gary's sitting there.

He's all fucking, I got nothing. I got nothing. Gary just, you know what, fucking took me off. You know what, maybe stumble that you turned to me and looked and go, what? It's so good looking. You just wanted to hold his head. Well, he's like, you know what, I took me off. You know what, maybe stumble that you turned to me and looked and go, what? It is so good looking and you just wanted to hold his head while he was sleeping.

Oh, somebody wants to suck Gary's cop. Somebody wants to get tipped fuck with their brand new big ditties. Oh, that's, sorry. You're talking about me. I'm talking to Uncle Sangha at the Christmas table. You call me a fucking uncle? Yeah, I am. Could you, you know, hold enough to be my dad. Here's the deal. about my uncle saying it at the Christmas table. You call me a fucking uncle? Yeah, I am. Could you not vote enough to be my dad?

Here's the deal. You don't want it to be my brother. No, I'm not. I could fuck you. You're not even like, you're not even like bad. If somebody saw me with you, they'd be like, yeah, that's fine. You're 30.

They're probably thinking you could do better, but. I'm just going. Yes! Come on! Ah! So listen. So his name is what again? Fabian Martin. Fabian, thank you for drawing that.

We put in a nice frame and it's actually Patrice smiling, which is odd. I don't know why he'd be smiling. Normally he'd be giving that. He's actually laughing, which he wouldn't be at this podcast. He unplug everything and throw it out the window. I just walk out. He was supposed to do my podcast two weeks before he passed away. He wanted to do in J. Moore's and I called him,

I really did J's. And he's like, yeah, I was one of the yours. I'm gonna fuck up, but you never called me. And I did, I flaked. Before he went to LA, I just flaked, I forgot to call him. Jesus. Yeah, fucking him. But that's like that 911 shit. Like I, you know a forgot to calm. Jesus. Yeah, fucking him. But that's like that 9-11 shit.

Like I, you know, I was there. I could have been involved, you know. I knew Patrice. You know what I mean? But anyway, let's go. What's the next gift for you? One of the fans showed. Oh, the next gift was from Sean Knox.

And he sent in a street sign that he made that says, Flood City USA. So I'll take a photo of it and Fitsonetsianas as well. Fucking great. Yeah we got a bunch of stuff man. We got of course we got the life size car out of me from the guys at last. So studio guitars too. No those were here joke.

Those are gnomes. And then we still got the alpha with the trunks up from me. Trunks up? Yeah we got a bunch of stuff. The shitty fucking free gift that Dan threw at you when he realized that I bought you something. Actually, that was my joke first. I got a gift for you today. Oh yeah, that's right. The gift was really funny. I got a gift for you. I forgot. I had some last member out your gift. Oh yeah, I chased you out. When you left, I chased you

out, but you'd already gone. Oh, I left running and crying. So anyways, there we go. We did all these stuff. I address. Make sure, yeah, what's that? Go ahead, give the address. Bang, quick, let's speed it up. Sorry, the address is gonna be... You really slow things down. I'm sorry, the address is 676A, ninth avenue, number 424, New York, New York, 10036. If you want to send anything to show,

anybody out to show notes, photos, you know, pictures of your tits, video views, sucking your boyfriend off, which I'm into now. Yay. And then looking at me and going, of your tits, video views, sucking your boyfriend off, which I'm in do now. And then looking at me going, Bob, I wish there was you. Please send it to address.

I could totally see being in that. Nine, me? Yeah, fuck yeah. That address again, it's 676A, 9th Avenue, number 424, New York, New York, 10036. All right, so there you go. And if anybody wants to make a replica. Do you want me to do those? I've had it live yeah no I know about that but have you I've had a guy

out guys chick below me in a green room stress well he watched sexiest thing ever damn I wish I you know but I think I'm too old and fat now for them to show up you're not old thank you Joe oh why could you get blown in a room with your friend? With my friend I have as a matter of fact, you know, I was very uncomfortable when I started having a panic attack and I left. And then when I came back, my friend was fucking her. I was told Tom Dustin was there. Really? There's a back of friend. It was a girl. Oh, this is the crazy story. Do you want to hear this story? I'd love to. It was a wild one. Me and we back. go for my pants. Me and my bag.

Are we back? Are we live? Yeah, I'm in your head. No, me and Tom Duster, we used to order strippers all the time. My best friend, who's a kid, can't say. He gets strippers to come to the house. Right. All the time, we had a two for one deal.

Hang on, your best friend that you can't say. He's good like a friend. You have a coupon? Did you have a group of friends? I used the term best friend to express that this is one of my dearest my best civilian friend But anyways, I can't say his name Gary Joe Frankl Frankie Joe

Joe Franklin Bobby Mickey Sully Sully Sully Sully Sully Sully no, I don't like it. Say his name. Everyone. All right. It doesn't matter We were we were hanging out. It was Thanksgiving night as a matter of fact and we ordered strippers We waited for the come the doorbell rang. And this was like, Do you wonder why your commerce fucks so sad? Every mess, he says,

The doorbell rings and it was just some woman with a little puppy. And she was like, Hey, is this where the party is? And we thought it was the stripper and we were like, Hey, this is kind of an ugly one. And she came in, we were like, I thought we ordered two, but she came in, she's like, this is where the party was, Renee said, this is where the party is. And we were like, Yeah, this is where the party is, fuck it. And she came and sat were like I thought we would do two but she came in she's like this was a party was Renee So this is where the party is and we were like yeah, this is what the party is fuck it and she came and sat down with her dog And then two strippers came and They started stripping and this girl was just like I want to strip and she started like taking her clothes off Can we stop for a second sure not to get all animal rescue on you, but where's the dog at this point?

He's just running around. He was like a little toe-toe dog So he's her name was Dorothy ironically But where's the dog at this point? He was running around. He was like a little toe-toe dog. So, her name was Dorothy, ironically. Oh, dude. True story. You sure you weren't tripping on acid? Yeah, I swear to God, it's not true. I don't know that that's irony.

I think it's apropos. I don't know any of the ones that are tripping. I don't know any of the ones that are tripping. It doesn't matter. You can just laugh. Her face is a problem and well done. So, then they start stripping, and then she starts taking her clothes off and the strippers are like this girl We can't this is not part of the thing right?

Oh, I wasn't fucking stand they have standards. I don't want to open my Her stripping She's in the union get her out of here. This is what actually happened. They sound like comics No to correct this to correct it. Sorry. I that that did something she was like giving like a lab dance type thing and the girl stepped in Between the two of us Oh, that's like a heck of a like a it was like giving like a lap dance type thing and the girl stepped in between the two of us Like you know look man, this is the deal You get anybody comes in I like yeah Yeah, get out of the fuck out of there integrity

Yeah, they've been working at this for a long time Yeah, and you're just degrading it by having fucking Dorothy and Tony show up degrading stripping. Yeah I'm a stripper just to show up and suck it Yeah, you can get girls to show up and strip it and then they at bachelor parties and then you take them in the bathroom You're giving another extra 16. They'd suck you off That's what Chris the stiffen on Rick's what happens when he goes to strip is with the other week when he was here. He was like, oh, I was doing this.

I'm like, I don't believe you. I think you've got to go on. I don't know about being at the strip club. Are they going to condom on you when they do that? Mm. I think so. Yeah, they of course they do. Any stripper.

So they must be really good. You know the, yeah, get you to come through a condom. Well, they don't, you know, it's suck a dick. You don't really need a condom. It's when you stick it in a pussy, you need a condom. Well, they don't, you know, it's sucka dick. You don't really need a condom. It's when you stick it in her pussy. You need a condom. Right, but when you put a condom on you

when they suck your dick. Yeah, they do, but they don't have to. And I've had hookers blow me without condoms. Because it's okay to get aids from a dude's cock. You can't get aids, but could you get her? Happy, happy, happy, aren't you? Yeah, but if you look at her mouth, there's all fucking bubbled up.

Don't stick your dick in it. You know what I mean? If a mouth looks like bubble wrap, just leave it alone. Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, dick in it. Yeah, but so you had you had so finish the story So they so the two of strippers get like a set just like we can't do this They go out in the kitchen right I'm with my buddy My my civilian friend and Tom's in the kitchen Michael. Yeah, Michael Michael Michael and So he Tom's in the kitchen talking to the two stri surface and there's a bouncer guy too and why was His name's big J. Girl. She's taking a show in our houses Okay, I got I got a civilian showing up with you about to blow us. You know the end. Yeah, it's pretty

This is a pretty I'm with you. I'm more about fucking Gary jealous I therapy stories More about fucking Gary jealous. He's not gonna get you to read therapy stories Sorry, my bad. I'm sorry. I didn't know it was sad nice here. You know what's it without any kind of rhythm It's I got interrupted for eight minutes about the condom business. I'm with you I'm not telling the story fuck me email me email me if you want the rest of the story What's your email? What's your big fucking baby fucking baby finish the story a prick that air to bull god gone. You already know how it ends Joe listen Joe he hasn't been to therapy in a month Finish you finish the story finish the fuck listen me Joe

Please I need you to finish the story. I don't need you to be choked out, especially with that Adam's apple, it's just gonna pop. And then I can tell you that Maytagna Hot One last one. Oh great, just please. I'm into the story. So she starts crying, which one? The civilian girl.

Dorothy starts crying. She's looking at me, I'm in the mirror. Please start with the dog is barking, where this is happening. She starts crying. And then she starts crying and something happens. Yada, yada, yada, I got to fast forward. She starts blowing me.

Wait. It's way, way. It's pretty, it's a walk. You. There wasn't a lot in between that. You are not? Yada, yada, yada. Where does she start blowing me?

Hey. I want to know where the dog is while she's blowing you. Oh, that dog comes in. The story is fucking bananas. Okay. So she starts blowing me.'s the cost in the stories fucking bananas okay so she starts blowing me and my sitting the court of my buddies right where you're sitting uh... you can look at the pictures later the cornered like this she's just blowing me like this is crazy and uh... my

buddy directly and i write and then and then and then and then and then and then and then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then name is Derek his name is Derek

Steven said and Derek Steve Olsum which is Oh my god You fucking have a bridge about a Massachusetts That's fucking Oh my god That's fucking it is

We love Jerry. We're gonna have to cut that We learned on the show never To tell Joe anything Never get blown with Joe Well that is 10 years ago 10 years from now to cut that out we learned on the show never told tell Joe anything never get blown with Joe well that is 10 years ago 10 years of now so with this guy he's not I can't say his name Bobby Kelly wait a minute he was just a witness if you said he's a guy Joe what are you worried about people

funny at his name like it's all right well this guy is a life maybe he's not a comedian we're fucking animals yeah people he put a speed on your sword are we animals are the ones that hide all their secrets and yeah speak to yourself me and Gary go to therapy okay me and but Gary and Kelly go this is a funny thing like you're open to see nothing on you what is he care if everyone fucking listening now is he fucked five five you know listening all right so I know you're down in my podcast He's not friends of them anymore. You friends have done me a favor Phil

We're talking about this spit in your hand and fix your hair. It's bugging me Also She's blowing you the dog. They go to a barber and fix yours. All right. Take it easy I don't know. That was a second hair joke that your hair looks fine. Sorry. Her hair looks good What did you do? I'm in my books. Did you join a punk band while I was gone? Well the one boy. Why? What did you do to your hair? Why did you cut it? Why? I was happy. You cut it not somebody No, I went to the place where people cut your hair. Would you cut it with a can opener? I was having an emotional day on this

Would you cut it with a can opener? I was having an emotional day on this. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We have more band-annas on that thing than Stephen Taylor, but we're better with Smith. Look at these luscious looks over there. This is like a beer commercial. You crack one and all the laughs that come out. I was kind of migrating the someone. Oh, fuck it. You have the same haircut like Mr. Roper. I can't say what I look like. Let me see more flexion in your head.

What? Hello. Oh, God. I wish you'd take that band band in her put it over your hair Stanley roper I'm trying to get you to be bad when I do that. I'm like you're gonna give me shit I'm gonna give it back but then I get really like oh that was too me all right bye. Do you take it? Charlie that's stupid I

You a fucking hair looks fine I look fantastic Shit you look like gnome So then I was so I don't know if I can go by the hair in the rest of the story. No, it's alright. Go ahead Anyway, start to blow me I freak out. I start having a packet. Oh, oh, while I'm getting blown like the three Stooges like all these heads pop out and it's Tom the bouncer and the two strippers start peeking and watching That's laughing. I have like a bit of an Xanitac. I go into the bathroom. I'm just looking in the mirror I'm like what is going this is crazy. I'm drunk and also in this girl to shut up. She's blowing us

I come back and thanks even night. I come back and she's blowing Tom The strippers leave then I think a couple of us may have taken turns having sex with her Real train it was it was real one was really wild she made the party my friend my director didn't participate He just happened to be there. Yeah, of course. He didn't yeah course, oh, but of course Derek did and. And of course, Derek, Derek, the guy who was the guy that you guys ordered strippers. He was trying to protect his name the entire time, but he didn't do it. Yeah, he didn't do it. He was trying to protect his name. Which is you and Tom does it. Well, fucking and getting blow jobs. He was, what was he doing?

Basting the turkey for the dinner. He was taking the pictures, which exists somewhere. Pictures of you getting blown. Oh, but at point, while one of us was fucking her, the dog started humping the leg. It was Tom dusted. Oh, you need Tom on. It was a story like this need two people. So they can be like, yeah, yeah, because it's something I'm just making.

The dog started thumping Tom's leg. Yes. What did he do? Did he kick it off? Or did he just let it go? No, he just let it go. It was pretty well. Yeah, it was good fun.

Everyone was having a good time. It was a wild night. Wow, thanks, given. How many times you jerk off in my house Kelly You know what never what? Because I mean he's house. I didn't want to do that but fucking yeah You don't leave any evidence if you're a woman wrong you fucking play you didn't play with your fucking snapper Why I swear on my mother's life? I did not do look at me in the eye. I did not do anything when I don't do acting How long were you there two weeks? Look at me. Take care of yourself once.

Look at me. Yeah. Were you in a contest? You know what? Are you looking at a mirror? I got home. I got home. That's not what it even good. That was poor performance. But it was along with the thing. I'm going to go back to it now. Yeah. Yeah. I just brought it back. And I was like, no, when I got home on Sunday, I dropped my suitcase

Would be great to fuck if you had a big pussy If you just sit on a lot of. You would just work it out. Yeah, you just mush it in. Get as far as you could and go back the next day and keep getting as far there along down that lamp. And by a month, let it be able to stick that whole thing and you're pussy. It's kind of gross though.

It's like, if you have a jacked off in your parents' fucking, like, if you say it. Yes, yes, yes. Like, oh. Yes, yes. I've almost exclusively jerked off at my parents' house. No, not in their bed, like, if you're staying. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I've almost exclusively jerked up at my parents house. No, not in their bed, like if you're staying. Oh, in their bed.

Like if you're staying in your parents bed, I'm like, oh my god. I fucking, let me, I've jerked off everywhere. I have everywhere. I'll fucking take my, I'm gonna play and you've a jerk off in the play. Fuck yes. How about this story?

This is a quick one. I'll tell it with as much excitement as I can. I was, I jerked off while waiting for the T1 day in boss. Really? At a T in boss. Really? That a T-stop. Oh, really? Outside. Really.

I'm doing fucking house. Under a coat. Why? Who did you see that you had to jerk off at a time? Yeah, what was happening that you could get to do it outside? I'd been away, I was waiting a long time, and I was like, morning.

Oh, wow. That's great. I was like, 21 or something like that. I was really at my prime. like that. I was nice. Really, at my prime. Yeah, I heard about you. Oh, I was on an airplane and I jerked off in the plane and I was trying, you know, you trying to time, if this could be as long as a shit takes, you want it to be.

You want it to the bathroom? I went to the bathroom. Oh, yeah, no, in the bathroom. This is recent. That's like a year ago, and then I came out and I was like, this, all right, no one knows. That was about the amount of time I recent, this is like a year ago, and then I came out and I was like, this all right, no one knows that was about the amount of time they take. We used to felt that everybody knew, right?

Yeah, well, I walk out and then the flight then he goes, hey, what were you doing in there? No way. I swear to God, I jumped. You hit me? Oh my God. Oh my God. I just rushed my head, I was like, what?

She's like, can you see the sign? And it says, fucking out of service or out of order. So she opens the door and looks in there to be like, clearly, I was in there for like three minutes, they were waiting for me to come out. She's like, what were you doing? So the toilet doesn't work. So clearly she just thinks it's gonna be a huge shit in there.

And then there's nothing. Cause I just jerked off into a toilet paper and then threw it away. So she just looks at the toilet and there's nothing there. And I'm like, eh, and we just stared each other, and went back to my seat. So in my mind, she just knows that I jerked off. You have a face.

No. For like three and a half minutes. Yeah, sometimes I go in there and pick some pimples off my face, but there was no water or anything Yeah, she asked you how long you're in the bathroom before they're like like, what were you doing? And it was out of order and you know, so we're sitting in there and there's Fucking god damn college counselor fucking comes out college Yeah, you got it. You thanks for punching it I don't know what I still don't know what it means either way. Just me, you look like a high school guy. Oh, I look. That's what I look like. Yeah, that's what you look like.

Yeah, that's what I look like. Yeah, that's what I look like. Yeah, that's what you look like. Yeah, geez. She sees you popping out. No, but I just can I tell you something. No, but I tell you something. You look like a cool guy.

He strikes it off. No, he doesn't. He looks like fucking Bill Murray's friend in meatballs. Like not Bill Murray, but the other guy. Spats? Yeah. Spats. Spats. Meatballs was an underrated.

Anything Bill Murray is in is good. Unbelievable. So that's pretty interesting story. Oh yeah. But you've never fucking, you didn't jerk off in my house at all. Bobby, I'm looking right on the eye. I didn't, I didn't jerk off in the house. So you went two weeks without taking care of yourself. That's right. Wow big pussy lips didn't get touched

Do you have you have oh we already talked about that you have a little pussy? Right I guess is it in or out is it flowered on the outside of flowered on the inside? It's in ice I like that I like the end all right all right fucking savages It'll fuck down. That's right. Hey, the cheese is crying. Sorry. You know what? I went out of home. I when I got home on Sunday, you woke up the flounder. I fucking Dude, I like I I don't know what I'm gonna house my I just gonna stretch my room and you and you watered the concentrate. I couldn't write I couldn't do anything really. Yeah, I was fucking miss. Wow. That's fun. Great

Don't be a you know what prude What miss. Wow, that's fine. Great. Don't be a you know what prude. What? Oh, it's like in time. If Bobby didn't get it for the high school counselor, or shit, I was nonsense. I was not sure where he was going with that. You that was terrible. That was punny. Yeah, but I've heard a lot of bad jokes and a rhyme. I know where you're going.

I know where you're going. I was trying to throw a rhyme in there. But that's what Joe does a little bit. He does that a little bit. So he gets away. He can get away with that because because when he says it He pops his head up like a fucking doll Yeah, people can't see the expression If I was gonna have to apologize to you

I haven't been a good friend in this part. I threw it a bit of a press a few times I tell you what we say. You know, you're one of the great press. What did you say? He should what? I wasn't saying nothing. Oh, no, oh, I was say I'm going to keep the band down a 4 Joe because he was the level of commitment. I'm going to wear it a bit longer for him. No, you said Gary should because he's been one. I was just trying to roll him up and get a fight going. You're the only one who I've said about what this podcast is that Bon Aduchi didn't do

better. Red, it's shaggy. Bon Aduchi was funny. I like it. It's pretty good. Bon Aduchi was a bon Aduchi. That doesn't look. Yeah, when Bon Aduchi though, like on the show. Hey, it's a funny word. I like it. Bonito's you was a bonitry. That doesn't look. Yeah, when Bonito's you though, like on the show.

Hey, it's a funny word. Bonito's you fucking boom. I tell you why it was hard. I don't know why it was. It's a bit of a night. Bonito's you's a bit of a clam. On Saturday night it was really hard because there was a, there were awards,

we had this awards thing going on, which my show underbelly one best for our show. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you, Ronnie Voted. Thank you all the listeners you voted because I pushed it and we won. There you go. I wish you. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I'm invited. Hey, thank you all the listeners you voted because I pushed it No, and we won there you go

I was I was I got one second. Why do you have that face on Gary? Because it sounds like the voting was skewed by the fact that compared to these other people She has a tremendous amount of exposure on the you know what dude show. Yeah, that's how fucking show this works Welcome to the fucking biz because the people on TV deserve what they have and you know what? Oh Watch one of the roasts. Jason Bateman. What? Jason Bateman.

Oh, God. I'm a fucking publicity machine. Thank God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I tell you where you did it. You know why? You were searching for the funny. Yeah, and you on your way there You fun got lost. Yeah, but it's okay Joe stop sitting like that you freaking me out Still I got that's the way you sat when the chick was blowing you It's just so you did dog and get fuck I think I'm setting the record for physical bits done on a podcast You've done a bunch of them. That's why I brought the video guy in. Yeah, you do. You sit like the fucking young.

I can't. You sit like not the prince, but the son was like right before the prince. It's polite, dad. He sits like the polite dad, walking his legs across, and the socks are coming up over the, you know, the gym shorts and stuff. Yeah, you look at Duke. You sit like a Duke. What's a Duke?

A Duke is not the prince or the king. He's a Duke. He's the one. He's theiddler? What's that guy called? He's the Gaster. He's the one that that that that that I'm a Hi listen man, this has been a fucking interesting show.

It was a little fucking it was a little a little different. But you know what it is? Less people. I know what I know what it is. Phil, you opened with the, we got two complaints and that's all been in my mind the whole time. Really? Two people hate me. Nobody hates you. People love you, man.

We're doing protect talk right now. People love you. People love you and people love the show. You understand? People who thousands of people download the show. And we don't get, I got some great emails about the show I got a great email tonight about some guy. I was just loves the show What's the other email that we got? Where's the the note from this guy read that note

Read that just read that Joe got some don't talk just read Joe got that fuck you. I'm gonna say it Joe got some fucking great Compliments and he's on fire and tweet like people just read that don't Which one you want me read the short one or the long one? I'm getting it. I love you. Oh, this is your funniest podcast. That's a Hi, let's go. Hey Bob. Can I do it in midweston? No, okay? No, she should work on the Midwestern accent. I already got off.

Go ahead. Hey, Bob, big fan of the podcast. I don't think you, Dan and Kelly, get enough appreciation for putting out a great show every week without charging a dime. What did I fuck up this one? Yeah, well now you're gonna have to hear it. This is your penance.

Go ahead, keep talking Kelly One of those words sounded accurate. I ate drink milk now. I feel like shit. So I got a little Milk before now be feeling sick. I'll tell time she looks like both the hearty boys I don't know the reference I don't know the reference. I won't respond to it. Okay, here we go. Shut up. So I got a little something made up for the crew. Probably a hit. You're going to do right now for the studio. You can. Hopefully get a little humor out of it. Again, thanks for all you do and the fans. Congratulations on the new Bronx warrants. Do you really looking for a scene? It's a pilot. It a pilot that's from Sean and then is a long one from Fabian which

the Fabian thanks a lot yeah just anyways we're gonna do a little tech talk with my buddy and friends oh yeah we're gonna do a video today too right yeah all right so all right so we do a little tech talk I have a cute pass me the piece of paper, sweetie balls. Sweetie balls. Sweetie balls. So we have, I remember one of your nicknames for the acting girls when we were in acting class together was a baby bitch. Baby bitch, I love baby bitch.

What was that for? One of the lesbian actresses, which one? I forget. Lesbian actress? That's not funny. So could you give me actors that's not funny I didn't I she was literally a lesbian yeah there were a few in our class thanks buddy all right so I take over the show oh I could actually take over the show oh Gary what oh do you know the game, Rose Thorn Seed?

Let's you want me to tell you about the hot one I told you about. I want you to, Rose is your favorite part of the show so far. Thorn is your least favorite part and Seed is what you hope to get out of this. I loved the part where we discussed our therapist. Yeah. It was my Rose. Oh, wow. Thorn was the part where I was physically abusive to you.

Yeah, you did grab her. I feel bad about that. I actually hurt for the listeners a little bit. Squeezing pulled and hurt my neck. When you needed it, you needed it. You needed it, Joe. Oh, I think I did. No, we didn't.

You needed it. I don't know that he needed it. This is what you bug me. Don't like. That's my thorn too. He filled up a little when you did it. Yeah. You got a little hard on when he grabbed it.

Yeah. And Joe juggled it. Oh, you got a little hard on when you grabbed it. Yeah. And show us a little term. And what does the seed mean again? Seed is what you look forward to getting out of this. Oh, I fun game after a long trip. I feel like people are going to say that Gary is a nice friend of the show.

Oh, kind of the show. He knows his role. That's nice. That's nice. That's fun. It's a good complement to Bobby. My, my, uh, brings up good Bobby history. He's burnt to the, to Bobby's earning. I am burnt to Bobby's earning.

Hey, Bert. Oh, remember the Mike Dunovan joke? Remember that one? Hey, Ernie. Thank you, Bert. Mike Dunovan. One of the funniest people of all time. He had some greatest PBS jokes. Oh my god unbelievable said let's go to the land of make believe or it's ridiculously obvious that I do all the puppet voices so good

My son of an one of my favorites his jeopardy bit is the best one of my best favorite bits ever He's like there's always a one guy that's dominating. He's always great. Then there's the one shitty guy token Joe and he goes He's the lead singer of Rolling Stones. Last name rhymes with Dagger. Who's Mick Dagger? It's the largest island off the coast of Africa. What is the name, talk it? It goes on like that.

Oh, he goes, uh, I couldn't be on Jeopardy. I'd be afraid I was gonna swear. What is the dreadscape decision? No, brilliant. We're back. Thank you for taking over the show. We're back. I couldn't find the fucking email I sent to you with all the stuff, but here we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, this day sorry not this year I have a couple of things I'm gonna give I'm gonna start I was like Joe you have nothing no no I got a thing that wasn't beer I got a compliment then go into a complaint and then finish with a positive review of something else okay great here I got the MacBook Pro with the

retina screen and the solid state or solid solid state drive solid state drive which is basically if it's explained this real quick for tech talk if you have a hard drive it spins it has moving parts it can break it's not as fast when you have a solid state drive which the MacBook Air and the new retinas have on the MacBooks it's just it's like a huge SD card so So apps open, bang, bang, everything opens fast. Every app that I have all at once and not lose any speed. Nothing.

It's just amazing. So good. Proofens are just incredible. My only complaint is that I got it very, I was an early adopter. I got it in the middle of June when it hadn't really been shipped, but a few stores had like four or five. And it was before that the mountain lion OS operating system came out and so and so I said when

I when this mountain lion comes out will I be able to upgrade it for oh sure you'll be able to upgrade it for free you'll just download it over the over the internet and you'll be able to get it for free you sure I'll be able to get it for free and they didn't'll be able to get it for free. Lies! And they didn't, I was never notified that mountain lion was out mountain lion. They didn't say when, they didn't know when mountain lion was coming out, it came out at the end of July.

It was supposed to come out and sometime in July, they had no idea. I was never notified. There was no update, your OS or anything like that. And then I tried to get it today. And they said that I couldn't do it for free because it had been 30 days. You only have 30 days or something anything like that. And then I tried to get it today. And they said that I couldn't do it for free because it had been 30 days. You only have 30 days or something to do that.

And then I asked for an upgrade and they said, no, you've been denied. Who would you ask? Does support, the online support. And I was very disappointed. I was very hurt. Do, okay. All right, so that's the complaint.

Now I'd like to talk about something. And I'm way behind it. It was not an earlier adopter of this. I I was dubious about I help you with this complaint Spotify I've been blown away. I've been addicted to Spotify all week I joined the thingway for 999 I get access to every song that I'm blown away by the by the the broadness of this catalog of music I am I am It's a dream come true. Does it work? Does it work in the subway? No it doesn't work in the subway but you can bring things in on offline and you just have

to download and they download very quickly so that you can have them on the subway. But everywhere else I'm just a long way by Spotify. So you can say 99 a month. It's already paid for itself because I put a Bruce Springsteen thing that was like $30 or $40 on iTunes, and I put it onto my phone, and I'm just very happy. So you can doubt? So you can't- Almost to the point where I don't feel like I deserve it,

because we're such a piece of shit species. The human species is, we hunted the dodo into extinction, and yet we're allowed to Spotify, it doesn't seem to fail. Is this what you talked to Alan about? Oh yeah, that we don't deserve anything. Yeah, yeah. The dodo. Oh, right.

I'm going to actually talk about the new dodo bird app that I have about how we killed it, why we killed it. And in the game, you get to kill the last dodo bird. Oh, that's hilarious. I'll tell you who should be angry the dodo and that dodo listen first of all if you went out don't go there if you take that's kind of his thing I like it this is kind of hard to know what you know it's Joe's thing you love it you know it's don't go there You miss an out because you're

Terrific physically you deliver the jug as well because you set up and you're pointing Into and you do and you do this all without a chin I think his chin he just swallowed it it's in his neck How did it fit his mouth? That was a three-fer That was a three-fer. Can you do it? That was a son-fired. That was a three-fer for. That was good too.

Listen, I was hitting me now. Listen, so here's the thing with the first problem you have, the Mac book. You can go right now tonight, take your computer, ask Gary Gellman. You have to learn how to use your fame, okay. Gary, you're recognizable. People know you. There is somebody at the max store on 59th Street and fifth that will know who you are late at night. Go there, okay?

Walk around and do stuff subtly that you did on TV. Like maybe faces, high brows, something, okay? And until somebody goes, you and they go, yeah. And then grab that person's hand and shake it, like're high brows. Oh, you're fucked. Something, okay? Until somebody goes, you and they go, yeah. And then grab that person's hand and shake it like a fucking senator, okay? Up for real election. You know, I played the comedy song.

I could get you. No, you do this. I'm fucked. They lied to me. You saved they. Yeah. Wow. Lie to me.

They said I could have it. I said, I don't have it. And now it's been a month, but I didn't know. They said I could get it. They didn't tell me. And then they're gonna give it to you for free. Wow, okay, you'll get it They'll bring it in the back. They'll hook it up and you'll get it. Okay, do that because there's a lot of fans of this

Podcast at the Max store There's a lot of people that know who you are and comedy fans work where the comedy fans work Max store late at night The Max store. I have to think about it. Of course. It's been there all along. Second of all, I am with you on Spotify.

I've just started using it. It's a little, I use the free version. I'm gonna actually, I'm gonna get it. Because of what you said, I'm gonna do the $9.99 a month. It's so worth it. It's already paid for it. So you can make it, you can make it a set list with it. You can make it play list.

And then it was the Bruce Spring Seen 1975 to 1985 live. Oh, that's my favorite alt. Oh my God. Yeah. But do you get to keep the song? Yeah. Forever? So you put them on your iPod?

It's like an awesome hunt. It's like an awesome hunt. It's not been a problem at all. It sounds good to be true. The version of growing up on that one, huh? It breaks it down. Oh my God. Anyway, it's big speech too. So we're going to move on from Gary's tech talk with Bobbie and

friend to my tech talk, which is these guys sent this to me. Actually Greg at Blue Wolf Communication. These guys are promotional guys, whatever. I think they're fans of the show or my manager hooked it up. Somebody hooked it up, but these guys are fucking awesome. They sent over. It's called the power bag. And everybody has a bag, or they're a backpack, computer bag, or a messenger bag. And they sell all the shit to actually charge your iPads and your iPhones and you keep them on blah, blah, blah. Now they made a bag with a battery built into it. Oh my God. Okay. So, and it has up to four ports. So you Bluetooth headsets your iPhone your Android phone your iPad you it has a battery inside and

What you do there's a little plug on the side of the bag you plug it in at night when you go home And then you take you put all your stuff in the bag and as you go through the day your phone runs out of juice You hit a button on the back, and it lights up. Boom, boom, boom, three lights. Yeah. And you plug your phone in, and it charges your phone, it can charge up to four devices at once in your bag. And then all you do is you have to plug the bag back in,

and it charges that battery back up. And you can change the batteries out and get a more powerful battery if you want it. Oh, my God. I got a little component so I don't hold it there like 90. And I didn't think we deserved Spotify. But the same species that hunted the Australian Bandicoot, as well as the Dojo bird into extinction, can walk around with a power station on their back.

That's not fair. Every power bag to the left and will. Every power bag has a built-in battery charger system with pre-routed power cables powerful enough to charge the average smartphone up to four times. So you're not just charging it once you can charge your phone up to four times. So you can go all day you can charge somebody else's phone. What does this magic box cost? Well, here's a deal. It costs the power bag. I would pay $200 for it. I would pay 200 bucks for this back to you and I've paid two hundred dollars for bags and there's several different types of bags there

is one for two hundred fifty bucks but they have one at one forty wow so there's different different things but this is the best part you can get it on Amazon dot com so here's the synergy wow go get the bag guy two sometimes I would I would say go to ryecast dot com you know what So here's the synergy. Wow go get the bag Sometimes I would I would say go to ryecast.com You know what? I cast kind of a shill. Yeah, but in this case you're doing people a service. Yeah go I think they $200 bag guy was the apple one Godwurst sell If you go to ryecast.com you can buy this back off our Amazon thing is all I'm saying. I mean, if you're going to get it, your might as well get it off Amazon.

Yeah, we're not across through the clown. Here's the thing that love about Amazon though is that it's almost like you're creating Christmas whenever you want it. You can order this stuff. You buy it, forget it, and it just shows up. So the way it was. It's always better as a kid than getting something in the mail? Oh my god.

Yeah, but something in the mail. That's a package. Oh, a package with a little heft to it. Oh. And it doesn't take four to six weeks to arrive. No, it takes days. Every two to four to six weeks. Four to six business days, which is not Saturday and Sunday.

That's Monday through Friday. That means if you ordered on fucking Tuesday, and it takes four to six business days that six day you're fucked. That's coming Tuesday. Now I with full disclosure I have to admit this is okay. No this is well. Okay. Oh man. This is this will be a bit but yes. Do you remember ordering books from Scholastic Book Club? Yes, and I'm long-wing book truck You had to go order from the book truck and you didn't get it that day They had like mock books the book mobile. Yeah, the book mobile and then you ordered it and then the end of the year in Second grade you got your books. Yeah, yeah

You would order it in September. They would deliver it senior year of high school. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, I don't want to pop up book now of Manhattan. I don't want the Garfield height chart right now. Yeah, I get curious George. He fucked up and the engine made it up the top because he could. Yeah.

And there was no one in the book. That was the first book I ever read. That was my first book. It's still me street. No way. I have ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read.

That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book I ever read. That was the first book, but it was a Sesame Street variety. The monster at the end of this book, starring Grover. My favorite book of all times. Still my favorite book of all times. I have it at the house. My favorite book of all times. It used to scare me.

That's about stuff at all. Well, because Grover was such a lovely, sweet heart, that he didn't want to disappoint him, but you wanted to read on. Yeah, you did. You didn't want him to get hurt, but you said, hey, if it's gonna happen, let's get it over with. Yeah. Alright, so yeah, this bag, power bag. Is it a spoiler alert? If we should, I spoiled the monster at the end of this book. No,

I think you shouldn't. I think it's a spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Everybody. If you look at the waiting to read, wait, one monster at the end of this book, if you're going to count to five, after you say spoiler alert, because I'm going to give, wait one monster at the end of this book. If you get a decadent five after you say spoiler, because I'm gonna give away who the monster was at the end of the book. Spoiler alert, one, two, three, four, five. Okay, go ahead. It was Grover.

Yeah, I mean, that was, that was also my introduction to irony. I mean, it's a funny joke when you think about it. It's just brilliantly written. Yeah, brilliant, bro. Write in if monster at the end of this book meant anything to you, or if it was the first book you ever read, which it was Robert and I, knew there was something that I just loved about you.

I love you. And it isn't an ironic that later, before he's something years later, but I look 38, I would suggest to you that we have an Ernie and Bert, also Sesame Street characters, non-sexual but gay relationship Who would joe be if he was a mumpet?

Harry Oh, heavy Kermit Kermit leader. Yeah, you do have a Kermit neck Yeah, you do Muscle and definition of Kermit. Yeah, there we go really quick. This power bag. I just want to get back this real quick This power this power bag complies with TSA regulations, so you can have no issues of security The one thing that this bag does look like because it has a Battery with wires coming out of it all over the bag

So if it was scanned at the airport it does look like you're fucking about the blow the plane up But here's the deal it's look like you're fucking about the blow the plane up. But here's the deal. It's supposedly complies with TSA when they write complies with TSA regulations. You know, it's like, okay, we fought, we, we, they followed the rules, but the black girl that just got hired is going to see a bomb. And she's going to be like, you know, you're going to get scanned. So you're probably going to want every little trouble with this, even though they say it is, I've had bags that were TSA, but then look at TSA, and they don't even know what the fuck they're doing.

So she is gonna be black, even if it's an I1. I don't know. I1, they don't. It's really regularly regulated white people. I'd rather deal with a black girl that is on a cell phone, fuck texting happened did a bomb. What is your bag? Parko hate All right, so there you go power bag I'm fucking label I ain't texted

I'm tweaking and look at those bags and it's like there's haps of them It's haps of different cons of them it's like special You need a fucking power back. I need a oh my god. We need you go guys Yeah, you guys you guys listen to the show sense them goddamn power bags over by the way that you need that power bag in an Airport because there's only like six outlets in the entire terminal. Yeah, it's unbelievable because I have the airport ones Everyone's like with the handles and the on the wheel so the special airport on the set of On the Bronx warrants. I have my power bag, you know, because we were out on location I had a with me. I did those charging like five people's phones. Wow Because there was a way to meet people too. That's a fucking way to meet people on the set of a pilot It got me a job. Tell you have two power bags on your chest

Now that know where the the fuck outta here. I wanna thank Joe Liss, the truth. Thanks for coming in, dude. Once again, yeah. Can I plug it? I got a door deal. That's what we're doing right now. Okay, sorry.

That's about with don't get nervous. I'm not gonna. It's like I thought it was going long. I thought you had to, like, I had to add a door deal. It's a joker. Yeah, look at that. We had a door deal show in my life. We've gotten shit for going too long, too.

Oh. By the way, the show goes too long, so listen to it in parts. Yeah, that's what I say. This is the deal. This show, this is the deal. This is the deal. I appreciate your emails, I appreciate your critiques

because you give a shit and you try, but here's the deal. Shots your mouth. No. Here's the deal. Shut up, listen. Here's the deal, the show, The show is evolving into what it is. It might go into something else. It started here and now it's here.

I like it. I love the people that are on it and I love where it's going. We're going to work out the kinks as we go, but it is what it is. And if you don't like to show anymore because of people or things or the way it's run, I get it. Move the fuck on. Love you. God bless you. But go do you think I get it, but this show is what it is. All right. Robert, I blocked my first person because I'm Thursday.

I got my hair cut because I'm having like a really shitty day because I got a lot of because of the haircut. No, no, no, we all we all lit up. We all jumped in the marshmallow. It looks great. You guys could all suck my dick because I look amazing. I was like, I just had a lot of, for some reason I just got all these people being fucking cunts like a name, just being fucking pieces of shit. And like, and I had to do something, and I even messaged fucking soda, I was like dude, I cannot, I'm not fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking shit. I was like, I'm not fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking

shit. I was like, I'm not fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking shit. I was like, I'm not fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking an A. Just being fucking pees as a shit. Yeah. And like, and I had to do something. And I even message fucking soda. I was like, dude, I cannot. And he was good.

I didn't want to bother you when you were fucking holiday. But I went, got my hair did. I went, got my hair did, because I never get mad. Don't ever get mad and get your hair cut again. That's all I'm saying. Really? I want you to call me. Guys, I, you're a bunch of fucking listen to me

I'm sitting at the cafeteria, Tylin, Hasko, and you're being like I'll tell you what I feel that about the same coffee that you bought me Has caused me to roll my eyes at everything you've said this entire fucking podcast. I'm so irritable Yeah, you're bugging me. There's a deal Kelly your hair looks hair looks like you were raped and they cut your hair in the process. Gary, how can I be bugging you and I'm begging you so much laughter? Come on, man. I know. You're laughing so much, I am giving that joke. I know.

Joe, Gary, her hair looks like the little girl from Game of Thrones and then had to make her a boy so she didn't get killed I don't know game of thrones, but I love it You're just following I'm laughing at the rhythm. You're a fucker. I'm following you started this. What do you mean I'm following? See that's what you do at some point in every show. I started this is my gag the hair I I'm talking about the games of throwing reference you fucking new compute Kelly. You know what? You're so beautiful you can be bald and you'd still you'd still be sexy

How's that? You did make it up and you did make a You did make a cameo in my jerk session this afternoon What yeah, I made a cameo really yeah, she popped in jerk off to Kelly She popped in she made a cameo, You really? Yeah, she popped in. She popped in. She made a cameo. So you're gonna off she pops in She went hey mate, and then you're fucking stop taking a bother I fucking went into the wake. No, she wouldn't go home Show Gary it. No, can I tell you I'm talking to Joe. I I'm talking to Joe. I fucking, Bobby, I put a, I had, you put out, I'm not on Saturday night.

You fuck somebody at my house. No, no, no, no, no, no. You shit in my bed. No. You look fucking, no, on Saturday night, a comic. Yeah. I got, I was upset, a comic asked if I would owe him. I'm really.

Really? Yeah. Really? Was it a big comic? No. It's no one you guys would know. So it wouldn't do anything for you. No, it went hot when you guys are known. So it would do anything we could. I went home and I didn't do anything, but that's what I put in the bank bank the next day.

So you wanted to blow them? Yeah. Fuck you, Kelly. Why? You bring this shit up now. I'm trying, it's two hours in. I'm fucking struggling to keep the show fucking going on course. And you bring up that you wanted to suck it guys.

So fuck the fuck is door deal at the 30th season Joe's just trying to bring Joe's a bringer show at the stand on a fucking Sunday I'm reporting it because the club in the deal he doesn't even he hasn't told you he wants people to show up because he needs five friends to come but if they give the primary card joyless comedy They have actually the polo's headshot out front

All right, here we go. Listen, but they got but I didn't do it cuz I'm like, yeah, do you have headphones? I get it cuz the things on my head friends are red. This fucking Christy McNichol haircut she's got bugging me. Here we go. I didn't do anything. You didn't suck his cock, but you wanted to. Well, I wanted to, but I just knew it'd be like, I'll fucking waste some of time. I really want to get shredded.

I want to get back, I want to get abs again. Just shredded. And like, I hope the show goes, I had to talk to the writer like I could lose the ways I got over just write it in no problem. So I'm cool with that. The first episode I had to be fat in the pilot that was all about me being fat

and trying to get my wife pregnant. So I had to keep the weight on for that show. Cause this seems to me just eating, in the, you know, which is hilarious hilarious how long is the show been planned for Kelly just left the I knew I knew about the did you did us in how funny what Joe just said is it was really good I've been fat for a long time. It's like dude how long was the show planned for years? It was really good the great joke joke, Joe. Thanks buddy.

So here's the deal. I knew about it for probably five months. I knew about the script, and then the script went to revisions and blah, blah, blah. So not to say, I lost 20 pounds to do the show because I needed to be a little lighter than I was because I was a mess, but I was still fat on the show. I had to be. Anyways. So you want to get shredded?

I want to get shredded. And then I want to, I want to give fucking me, I'm going to make, I want to Kelly to want to fuck me. No. And then I'm going to deny her and get fat again. Oh. That's what I want to do. I want her to be like, I want that one night

where I'm just sitting here with my shirt off, because it's hot. It's hot in here. And Kelly's a little fat again, so she's the self-esteem's a little fucked up. But I like her fat, so she knows that. So, and it's like she's wearing a little thing. And then all of a sudden, like she leans over

and when her titties come out, and we kinda bump into each other, we like really close, and I'm about to fucking just, and we're right there, and she reaches down, and my shit's filled up just and we're right there and I and she reaches down to my shits filled up and then she takes it out and I fucking just about just about that she takes out the and she grabs the top but she grabs it like backwards over the top and starts pulling and

we're about to make out and I grab her hand and I pull up I pull up the back of her skirt because she's got a skirt on and I grab her inside of her underwear She's wearing tight. She's black tights no underwear So I grab her ass and I fucking grab one of her pussy lips with my finger So she feels it and I and I'm just like and she's like and I go it's not gonna happen Wow you went to denial. It's not gonna be shit. Did I deny you in my, in your little Wang Bank fantasy? No.

What did I do? What are you saying? I'm not gonna happen. And that's the end of the fucking show. It's not gonna happen. And then she goes, and then next show, she's just quiet. She doesn't say a word. And Joe just is smashing her.

Why is it making you feel uncomfortable, Kyle? Believe me. I want nothing to do with you. I think of you your asshole. The bloody. It makes me puke All's I think about that I forgot all about the Vano fishers. Oh, yeah, I mean she has a fish your king. Yeah, follow me God bless you. I love I love you Kelly though like a daughter Look at daughter. I want to blow me like a fucking daughter. I want a daughter that jerks me up It's like the red tape We should have done that primal eyes about ten minutes ago. All right. Let's go do

Wait, Joe's gonna do Joe's gonna promote where are you perform? Where you perform? Where is the, where is the show you have to set up? Big show. How many, how many, he has to set up like an A A meeting before his shows. My coughing. All right. All right. Is that the stand?

Are you working from a podium? Come. Oh, shit. Keep listening. September 28th. September 28th at the spot. It's called in providence wrote island well i know that spot do you know it now i've never heard of it it's called the

uh... i think it's the spot i listen and i know the spot you can't stop it why do we get a lot of i got a lot of fans out there guys so go support you know you're really fucking one of the funniest mother fuckers i know thanks every but hilarious on the show funny, but stand up crazy And also his albums really good on iTunes. Let's not get carried away live He's fine. No, okay. Get his out. What's your album called? It's called so far no good and it's available You oh if you can I plug that to please right now until the end of the year if you go to rooftop comedy I'll send a link on Twitter Facebook, but if you can type in Joe list

comedy Top comedy I'll send a link on Twitter Facebook, but if you can type in Joe list comedy CD as a code you get I think 20% off and they'll mail you the physical copy and give you a free download instantly Okay, but more important than that September 20 actually not more important than that. Okay September 28th the spot and problems Do yourself a favor if you want to see if you support live comedy You want to see a funny motherfucker go and see Joe If you live in Rhode Island if you live in Connecticut near Rhode Island Go buy the tickets. Don't wait go get the tickets now order them offline go to Joe's website, right? Maybe in Joe lists and and get the tickets and support them

The one thing you can do to us that help that that helps us go to our shows and be there. If you guys are there, we get to fucking keep doing comedy. You guys are awesome. I wanna thank all the people in Boston, that in Rhode Island and in Chikapi that came out and saw me, all my fans that have seen me fucking eight times, have been to everyone on my shows. Saw me back in the day.

You guys are awesome. I wanna thank you. Gary, what are you gonna promote? September 21st, I'm gonna be at that place that you and I performed that last summer called the Bridge Street Live in Collinswood, Connecticut. By yourself? Yeah, just by myself. What happened to me? I don't know. They just felt that I was better off without you. No. No. No. So low. No. I just thought he was now going to happen. I thought that you No, no solo no I Thought that you were doing your own

No, no, wow this gonna be another spa moment. Wow. Where are you going Joe? We supposed to do it together? I don't know I know that you brought me the gig Yeah, and you brought us the same gig and you went back by yourself. Oh me and The business strikes again. Oh really? No, I don't give a fuck. All right, so that's September 21st and then my album, No Can Defend,

is on my iTunes and it reached number four recently. Listen to me, I'm gonna go buy it. I'm gonna support you. I heard, I haven't listened to it, I'm gonna be honest with you. I've heard nothing but fucking crazy, like amazing, like Gary Gumbin stepped it up. Oh wow. Really, like wow, what a fucking album. Oh, thanks man.

I mean yeah, nothing but crazy, crazy reviews from other comics. And like comics that don't want, you know, they're like fucking Gary's new album is fucking, like wow, he's gotten so much funnier and you're already funny dude But you've you've hit another level which is great so good for you man. I'm gonna buy it. Thank you. What do you got? Besides a messy neat here Let's just do fill prevents you calm because that's where all the wonderful photos go up of the podcast Great photos unbelievable photos good to be back. to be back good to have back shirts dude he gave us these shirts are for the guests to give to I love these shirts we have I'm what can I give one to a fan of course we're gonna give one of these to a fan you sent

something nice cotton too oh my god it's not that burlap cotton from the 80s concert it's a good I think it's like the American apparel shirts are one of the nice ones. So it's a nice outfit. She is, Phil. Here's a deal. We have, you know what, dude, shirts on the website that we sell. You go to riotcast.com, merch, hit the merch button.

You can get coffee mugs, t-shirts, posters. We have all kinds of great shirts. But this shirt right here is exclusive. We're gonna give one of these away to a fan. So if you want one of these shirts um... i'm gonna say email

email kelly no fuck that send us your fucking thing at nine seven six what is it uh... send us your thing send us why you want it and uh... six seven six eight nine to avenue number forty four new

york one zero zero three six i think there should be a you know what do uh... trivia contest that they have to know that too uh... what's the deal right now right now kelly's brosize bobby's brosis that's changed that that both changed nine times did you know us who were the guests last time I was on? Oh yeah.

Okay, so we don't need you to mail us that. You guys are looking as though isn't that easy to look up though? Yeah, we need something that's like, it's a really boring world. Okay. Like, okay, who was the comic that was taking a shit in the episode with Lewis Gomez and Napier Gazi? Okay, we discussed.

Um, uh, we, we did not know. But if you listen to the episode, look up a bull, no, but they've got to listen. They've got to go back a lot and listen. But there's two comics. It's a story that they talk about. Two comics mentioned. One of them was taken a shit and one of them had their dick out. Who are those two comics that they mentioned? During the episode with Lewis and Nate. And it reads two episodes with Lewis and Nate, so they don't know which one it is.

And if you're a real fan, you know what I'm talking about. Yes, Bobby? What? You know the answer to the question? I don't want to do the trivia. I want to do this. Whoever... Here's a deal. Whoever sends us a photo of what you bought off the off of Amazon.com.

What'd you say? How about a sketch of what they think five o'clock shadow fill looks like. The best sketch we get. How about we just... A little sketchy. How about we all get a dicks out and just fucking do a circuit Jack if you had a dick I'd be so happy I'm always so happy from never-ending to photos

I thought that'd be uh what did you say because I'm always a photographer It's always this you know never-ending photos Okay all right that you know what because because you made these shirts Yeah And because these are your babies Yeah And I love these shirts It wasn't really looking for such a sympathy but

There you go no it's not sympathy We're gonna give it to you. Whoever draws a drawing... What's wrong with you? What? It's going to be funny. Whoever cut Kelly's hair. Yeah. Yeah, can we do that?

Wait, wait, wait. You can whoever could draw with Kelly's hair. Whoever draws... I'm watching Pitchers of Edwin. He's the handsome. He's responsible for the 12 minutes of comedy that happened on this particular episode Whoever got I don't know how you can cut the back of somebody's hair just underneath with and

A mullet that sticks out an inch. I look amazing. You look like you have a wig suck my dad You look like you have a wig suck my dad. You look like you But you look like you got your hair at Ricky's Oh my shit, all right listen, who We really picture up on the back half. Yeah, listen to me. You cut up the first half and just keep going. You, all right, so you wanna draw, fills, whoever draws... No, the hair is mine.

Whoever draws, whoever draws, what fill looks like and it's accurate, it's the most accurate, we'll win the shirt. I'm sorry. I was thinking we get them to buy stuff of Amazon and show the photo. That too we got a few shirts. Why not? I don't want to give out all the shirts we're giving it to the Amazon.

Travel to the Amazon. What? We're not giving any time. One guy bought 400 bucks in a month, find stuff from the Amazon thing. Yeah, whoever spends the most money on the fucking Amazon and has the receipt and We know it's from you from us. You're gonna get a shirt. Yeah, send do that. Yeah Wow, I think I had a picture in a fill if you want we like it gifts. Yeah send in fill too if you all right Whoever sends in the closest picture to fill and

We're gonna give away two shirts and the Amazon thing. Alright. Alright. God bless you guys. This has been a, we did this podcast just let you know at night. Yeah. After I said, not right now. Yeah. And I have to get up at 5.30 a.m. tomorrow and go wait tables. Hey, did you get the headphones that were on the table? I left those for you. No. I bought your headphones. Did you? Yeah, they're on the table. No, I didn you headphones. Did you? Yeah they're on the table. No, I didn't touch anything.

I didn't touch anything. I didn't touch anything. I didn't touch anything. Yeah, except you fucking bought me shit. I should've left you. You know what I wanted to do? I wanted to leave a massive turd in the toilet. I just leave it there.

So when he came home the house was a tank. I don't know what I mean left there. But I just didn't know if you're going to get the choke. Gary, what? Gary, what is it? You'll look over live there have a little giggle to yourself what is it mate this is the same woman who made a cameo now assuring herself that she will never be a recurring character in my

jerk off fantasies because now all I can think about is you leaving a giant third in in in Robert Kelly's bloody because are asked. Wow. You just wrote yourself out of the script. It's dummy. You're dummy. Thank you for letting me know. I don't know you're you're gone on a month into a one episode. I believe you admitted it.

All right. This show is officially done. I didn't get I didn't get any premise. I'm sorry. Go ahead Kelly. I didn't get any permose. Oh, sorry. Go ahead, Kelly. I didn't have any. Do you have nothing? I got fucking shitty shows coming up. Why did you start like a typical woman?

Listen, I run a show. Yes, that woman. That's such a woman thing to do. What? I didn't get any gaming's. I got a Kelly. Sorry. I don't have anything.

I was banging a joke. All right, go, sorry. Are you even being mean? I don't have anything. I was making a joke. All right, go ahead, you're tired. You're fucking tired. Yeah, I gotta, yeah, what? You're tired. Yeah, why wouldn't it be? Cause you're, you're like, it up at 5.30 in the morning and fucking wait tables.

And then go straight to fucking open marks and sh- Yeah, let's go. All right, you guys, let's go. You have anything? No, I got nothing just to do. Are you sure? What's your Twitter? Kelly, for sure, right? Kelly, for sure, go. And. We're done. You have anything? No, I got nothing just to do. You sure? Yeah, I'm fine. What's your Twitter?

Calif's Juga, right? Calif's Juga. And don't fucking leave her alone. She works hard for this podcast. Sure. Alright, she loves this podcast and she loves the fans and she loves being here. Alright? Not everybody can be funny all the time. Ha ha ha ha been hanging out with joyless too much.

I love you, girl. I'm stuck into the wall, I'm in the wall You know what I need When this comes, I need my sun You know what I need Really, really, really, really You know what I need I really did, I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop.