Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - DeRosa Chick Filet and Our Movie

Episode Date: March 27, 2011

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What's up, it's Robert Kelly doing another you know what dude podcast and I'm actually sitting here with the the writer and performer of the song of the podcast. I prefer composer. Composer of the podcast. Mr. Joderosa, my fucking partner in crime. Yeah, I made the music for your podcast, out of the kindness of my heart, then you tell me some fucking shithead fan sends you a fucking other song that you might start using. I don't know if he's a shithead. Some other guy, some dude came up with another song. I take that as a direct attack with me on my person.

Why? Play the other song that's here. All right, well, I gotta find it. Why me, your song is good. You just thought that maybe maybe I you know I need another another song that's all right I mean how long I think you do that it's a guy trying to shove me a wild dude it really took hours yeah it takes time to fucking put that together all right let me see if I can find it. It's I don't even have it on here because podcast um What uh?

Yeah, it's because nobody nobody does something like that unless they're trying to shove you out. Nobody's going I just thought this would help. That's somebody going I want to take his position. What do you mean his position? What's your position? It's like when you're the first rank on like the sales team and then the new guy comes in to the supervisor goes, hey boss, I did all this extra work. Just because it's like fuck you, you're trying to take my position.

No, this is my, I did this. This is my turf. Well, let me, I found it. So why don't we listen to both of them and see if, see where, you know, new podcasts, here it is. All right, let's hang on one second, I gotta fucking pull it up here. Here's, here's it.

Let's see if it works. So sit. This is it right here. You know what? You know what? You know what? So boring. I apologize.

You know, it is like bullshit. I don't know who the fuck is in the listen to this. I'm in a fucking hotel room trying to fucking sound professional. And I'm not. I'm not a professional. It's, it's, it's just another fucking bullshit podcast. I don't care. Well, fuck yourself.

I know, I'm pissed. I mean, do we even want to work? Wait, I mean, let's just... It's gonna be a great podcast. And then it kind of fades into the podcast, which is kind of good. And then we, I mean yours. This is the difference in production quality. Right off the bat. Okay. This is a difference in production quality. I do give you that. But the other one's kind of rocking. This is kind of like, you're not rocking. Yeah. Yeah. this matches your fucking personality, just kind of trudging along.

And well, he did change it a couple times. So that's like not the actual last, you know, not the final version of it. Well, take it to your fans, Ben, let them vote. If they like the other guys better, you know, not the final version of it. Well take it to your fans, Ben, let them vote. If they like the other guys better, you know, take. Really? Yeah, right, you know why not? Let's go to the fair thing to do. Done.

All right, well here's one of the final versions of what he sent me. Okay. Okay. Thank you. You know what's up, thanks for coming by and checking out the uh... You know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you know what do, you I apologize. Who the fuck are you listening to this? I don't care. I'm in a fucking hotel room talking to my iPhone with my hands on my balls. Oh no, Jesus, your balls are itchy. Trying to fucking sound professional. And I'm not a professional. This podcast isn't professional. And listen to some bullshit.

So, you'll fuck yourself. But other than that, you know, it's gonna be fun. It's gonna be a great podcast right now I mean you don't think it's good and then there's there's yours like a feel like it's like an underwater podcast It's better All right, wow if you think the Joe's is better I say I say we put it to the two fans that listen to this I

Well, hopefully there's three fans and we put it to them whoever thinks that Joe's podcast theme song is better Email me Robert was it our K fan at Robert K live comm or If you like Tracy's and whoever's Tracy a boy or girl. It's a boy. I think I think I think I don't know I don't know I didn't even think of that. I didn't even think of it. You know what so I'm so I'm so fucked up that I swear to God. This is terrible thing to admit that If you would have been like it's a girl, I was gonna give it more credit It's pretty good that for a girl

And you would have tried to get in touch with her to see if you could fuck her. Yeah. That's exactly what was going on. That's exactly what through my head. I didn't even know if it was, if it's a girl, geez, why am I fucking trying to get on Skype with this bitch and go over details of what I want? Yeah, sure. All right, well, I mean, look, yours is still in.

Yours is there. We opened up with yours. I respect. Thank you. Yeah, thanks for not casting me a sign for any fucking internet guy that sends you a piece of fucking Piece of fucking tape. Thank you. I appreciate that Look dude, I I really appreciate you wrote that theme song you did it you produced it you Composed that for me. I use it all the time. I use it on the intro on the out tread of all the podcasts

All right, I give you credit. I don't know if people know that maybe it's time for a new song. I use it all the time. I use it on the intro on the outtread of all the podcasts. All right. I give you credit I don't know if people know that maybe it's time for a new song. I get it. I mean, maybe it is But anyways, so me and Joe first things first our film is in Tribeca Which is fucking crazy. Yeah We and and and and most people don't know that the film is actually from a real situation That happened with me and you where you Well, I don't want to give it away. Right. Yeah, actually don't yeah, don't say it's but it's based on a true story

We should have wrote that in the movie based on a true story. We should have Idiots What fucking idiots? Based on it. Is that actually gives it way more credit. Yeah, not that fucker. Mother fucker. Oh well. So it's based on a true story.

Can we say that at the beginning of every show at Tribeca? Like you get up and go based on a true story? Yeah. And they go sit out, asshole. Your movie isn't the only movie. Yeah, it's 15 minutes long Really I'm presenting this like it's a feature film. I don't tell people when I was at South by Southwest They were and they were going how do you want to be in trod when we bring you on stage? I go only to say

Don't do the movie that he directed isn't South by Sarah's and try Becca. I am world premiere I never told anybody was a short or anything. It just made it sound like I really fucking had a movie. I always, out of my low self esteem for myself, I always say it's a short. It's only 15 minutes. I'm such a piece of shit.

I should go y'all out. But yeah, that's one thing. I did that sometimes too, but I was like, fuck this. I did the Saudiates doesn't need to know. But you did direct it. You did a fucking amazing job, which was awesome. Well, everybody did. It was, you guys were all great. Yeah, fuck this. The Saudi doesn't need to know. But you did direct it. Well, you did a fucking amazing job, which was awesome. Well, everybody did. It was, you guys were all great.

Yeah, but look, look, visually the fucking movie came out great. I mean, it looks great. You did a fucking amazing job directing. That was your first time directing something legitimate. Ever. Ever. Well, fuck, if I knew that, I wouldn't have let you fucking do it.

I guess. I thought you did shit before that. No, I just wanted to it was just my dream Oh, but you know fuck me and it led me to getting Eventually getting that you know some professional directing work now even directed a lot this year actually It's crazy, man. It's great. Well, so hopefully keeps moving. We also have I don't know if we can even talk about it yet can we We can talk I don't know I think we can it's already in the can we just signed the papers

was out of the book yeah we're out here that we can i think we get to read we see that we were we actually uh... but we can't say what it's about or anything we can't i don't think no i think i think we just say we're writing a book all right well we're writing a book bob bill bird bobby and my name billy bird and jota roza writing a book. All right well we're writing a book. Bob Billburn, Bobby and my name. Me and Billy Burr and Joe DeRosa are writing a book with a huge publisher. Publisher. One of the big four. We could say who it is. Yeah I think so right. Simon and Schuster. Yeah big four. One of the big four. We're we got a book deal with Simon and Schuster actually a little bidding more happened

I know that was exciting. Yeah, they came to us and well, let's just say this half our Our management sent it out to our agent our book agent Lydia awesome Really good woman actually sent it out to everybody. Our book proposal, half of the people wrote back that they were literally disgusted. What was that? What was that? Why do you have the lady's head? The one, well, the funny thing is the one, one of the positive ones said, this is a beautiful and hilarious piece of misogyny or something like that. Like that was one of the positive ones. That, yeah, somebody was like, this is like disgraceful. She couldn't, she could never imagine proposing this to her higher ups.

Oh, that's an apology. She was embarrassed even taking it forward. Yeah, she, but she kept compelming us going, I'm sure these guys are very talented and they're going far in the business just in case we can do It is a hit or it is accessible, but yeah, she was appalled and no she said she was disturbed Reading it so fucking fun half of the people that read it Literally would just disturbed and appalled by the proposal that we said now But the other half will fucking loved it and got it and

Poles of that we said that but the other half were fucking loved it and got it and You know and then it literally so I'm gonna choose to came to us with an offer But other people were interested and they came back and said look here's this to get it off the table right now Yeah, I was in a rubah. I was in a rubah totally fucked my Aruba trip because usually I'm in a rubah and it's like Finally I got nothing nothing going on I can just really kind of enjoy my loser life of you know just fucking doing shows and trying and it's like it's I got that book that I was like I just want to get the fuck out of here and go write a book you know what I mean I kind of felt important I looked around like you know that's why like you think of famous people they're always working and doing shit. And you look at it like, how could you fucking,

why are you so busy? You know what I mean? Like Patrice said, I worked really hard for us, eight years to be lazy. And that's always in my head, like, you know, I get to fucking play Xbox. But as soon as you get stuff going on, you like, fuck. A couple perks, right?

Yeah. That's funny. I had that same enthusiasm until ten pages into the writing the actual book. Yeah, writing this fucking sucks. I mean, I appreciate the opportunity. No. I'm not being a shit. I appreciate that I'm getting to do it. But it's a fucking hard, man.

It's not like writing a script. It's not like writing comedy. You write a script. It's somehow, writing dialogue is so much easier because writing a book is just words. Words and words and words and words. Then you also have to be like, there's this whole other level of research, you have to research when you write a script, but you know, it's like, there's this whole other level of accountability, man.

It's beyond just having snappy dialogue. Like it's like I have to fucking make sure I don't look like an idiot. I have to make sure that there's these facts I'm stating are accurate. Yeah, yeah, that got for fucking Wikipedia. Uh, which that's probably, it's all probably long. Yeah, but at least we can blame them. You know what I mean? The uh, I watched uh? I watched this at a user

special. He was talking about going on Wikipedia. He was like doing this whole fucking bit about history and stuff. I got all this on Wikipedia and he was like talking about what it's like when he researched on Wikipedia and it was so what happens with this book when we go on Wikipedia. So you read two

sentences then you're bored immediately. Then you see a blue thing like So fucking true dude, you know, like I'm gonna read that you get like a paragraph and you like fuck this Fucking brutal, yeah, it's fucking hard and it's great when it's when it's when we finish something It's so rewarding when you read it and you're like this is good, but that's great Yeah, as soon as as soon as we're done with the chapter and the way we're doing it is, you know, we're kind of divvy and out chapters, you know, Joe, Do this, Billy, you do this, Bobby, you do this. Right. So it's so much better that we have each other To kind of divvy have to work, but it still sucks. Imagine if you got your own book deal

How much that would blow and now I know why people get ghost writers I mean I was watching an episode of Colombo and this famous writer all he did was talking to a microphone Take those tapes give it to a transcriber and they just transcribe his shit into paragraphs and sentences and make sure everything Spellcraft. I mean that's how a lot of people, you know, I mean I'm sure there's people who write books themselves But every fucking comic in the world has a book out now and I know Jim Norton writes it But I know Jim Norton's you know he writes all his own shit. He doesn't have a ghost writer But I think very few comics out there You know or talent out there don't have they have to have a ghost writer. right yeah you can't you know some foul mouth fucking dick joke guy yeah

and then obviously you read his book and it sounds like fucking shwap Whitman wrote it or something like the fuck out of here yeah you know like you you fucking write this but we we are writing the book we have no ghost writers we're writing the fucking book and it's it's gonna be good man. A lot of you fucking scumbags that are in their comedy are gonna definitely like this book. Yeah it's right up everybody's alley. It's gonna be controversial too. I mean let's

put it as a women are gonna hate this book and be obsessed with it though. Yes and be obsessed with it and men are gonna love it. Yeah, and maybe hate it. Yes, and maybe hate it. But so that's the first time I've ever announced that, by the way. So we get the movie in Tribeca, which is April, starts in April, April 23rd through the 28th, I believe, right? I think our first screen's in the 23rd

and our last one's in the 30th, I think? Something like that, yeah. So, you gotta Tribeca, we'll do it 30th I think. Something like that. Yeah, so I'm gonna try back up. We're doing a podcast. Oh, no, that me. That me. No, that means no ducks. That me.

I got caught. I got caught. She said high folks. We're gonna do a quick. It's gonna be quick because we're both. No hard. We're getting Kentucky fried chicken. Yeah, it's $10 bucket Sunday

Shut up around the podcast Bobbys is worth the erasers she didn't get them Now, Charlie but that's all right. It's ready to KFC $10 bucks in Sunday. The funny thing is though is I forget one of the things that I've always you know talk about you is that I mean and don't take this the wrong way. If one was to look at you and to size you up in a second. Look if I'm standing in front of the comedy club people think I'm the balancer. Just that I'm wearing black and bald the comedy club, people think I'm the bounce-er. Just a more in black and bald, they fucking look like an angry asshole.

If one was to size you up, it's, I mean, physically, and you know, you can get to the slam. All right, well, I mean, you're just, you're not. It could. Yeah, you're just, it's, you're just, just a hunk of garbage, but All that being said one of the things that I like about you is that you I mean the What's behind you you fucking your great writer you can direct your funny you play music

You have a band you rap you went to college for film you had a lot of shit behind you I mean if you look at you You think you just a fucking piece of shit that knows nothing. So, it plays video games and fucking tries to get pussy once in a while. Right. With a, you know, probably... I think the same thing about you. But...

But... No, Santa, what you mean, though? You know, you look like... You look like you'd be like this Boston knucklehead guy. Right. Yeah, you just want to talk about the fucking pads. Or whatever, you know, to what I mean right then you talk to you like this is a fucking emotional guy smart dude well-read right funny mother you know funny that kind of goes

out saying whatever you know what I mean like like sharp eye for all the you know producing all you know it's like great fucking actor so yeah so if you could have just saw his face where he was like is that good enough like you know what I'm saying I'm saying about you though let me get to my point thank you for the compliment but you kind of ruined my compliment because I just my compliment was for a point I'm going down a road okay sure that's the funny thing about you is that you went to college and you as we we were actually walking we were coming from a meeting that the day with our management for some other fucking great news that we got coming down that we won't release yet but we were coming from a meeting and

you know you obsessing about your fucking iPad because you have to have one as soon as you get I call these things emissions and People don't know what that is. It's I need a mission. Okay. I have my life I have my wife. I have my comedy. I have all the stuff I have to do But I need a mission whether it be a new shirt a new recorder an iPad a new case I need a mission to be on all the time to save me from killing myself. And you do the same thing, whether be a certain leather jacket, very specific leather jacket. You're actually more specific than I am with things. It has to be the right collar, the right collar. It has to be from a certain store. If you see something, that's your mission. You're a mission this week. For some fucking reason, because you're denouncing the iPad the whole year I had it telling you it's

the best thing you gotta get one you're fucking bustin my chops and now all of a sudden like fucking Anthony Opie, Norton and everybody else who fucking got an iPad. It was seen Voss happy and having it pissed me off so much. It literally made me jealous. I was like I had I swear to God in that moment I was like I have to get this I have to get the fucking I love Voss I love the fucking death but I got so jealous and I think too jealous that he was buying your own one because we kind of I was like maybe I'll buy your old one but then he bought it and I was like I felt like left out right so you had to have one yeah yeah so you were going in out of stores every fucking store there was you were fucking two seconds away from buying one at Verizon and I

pulled you out of the fucking store and said just take a minute and we're walking up the street and I'm literally pissed at you because you have me doing this. Yeah, he's fucking yelling at me. You know what I'm fucking telling you? And you're like, these fucking stores are good for goddamn fucking iPad dude. I have dogs Joe, I have a wife, I have things I need to do. I got a guy coming to put fucking doors on my closet. I feel like shit and then he stops and he goes You know there's a chick filet right near here

And I freak out I'm like where Chick filet in New York. What are you talking about and if you don't know what chick filet is it's the Because they don't have them here. They don't have them in New York. I don't get it I don't think they have mjurzy either that mjurzy per pyramids mall me and her rented a car and drove to pyramids mall 30 minutes away Saturday night all the way to the mall went in loaded a bag full of fucking chick filet drove all the way back and Didn't touch it until the movie was started. Oh, yeah, you got it. You got to wait You got it. Yeah, if you fucking eat if you're the type of person that can fucking have a movie already playing and have food delivered in the middle of your an asshole,

you gotta have the food delivered, okay? Set it all up, have that fucking movie, not you're gonna order it. It has to be already ordered and ready to go on pause, pass the fucking beginning credits, ready to get right into it. So when you hit play, you take the first bite of your beautiful meal and that's a beautiful night.

Yeah, that's a great one. You got to do it like that. You got to do it like that. Alright, so yeah. But the Chick-fil-A, there's a stipulation. It's not just the Chick-fil-A out in the open. Yeah, it's in the NYU student cafeteria. Caveteria, something.

I mean, wasn't the regular cafeteria. It was like a subway, KFC, I mean a Chick-fil-A, and like some other shit. Yeah, you have to be a student of NYU to go into this place. Yeah. This is security guard. You have to be a student to go into this place.

And that's why I've known about it for a year. And I've never gone because I'm scared of getting in. But apparently for you, you have no fucking problem. Because as soon as I said the security and it's in the thing, we got to figure it out of way. You're going, no, we're walking right in. You turned into this fucking alpha man. Well, you got to do it. It's like it was like you're going to steal something. You got to fucking go in and do it. You can't be looking around like this and shit. You got a fucking so I was like dude no walk the fucking past the desk like you're a student here some shit What walking like you belong here?

It's easy for you you fucking look like a student. It's that thing. I look like a fucking janitor It's that well The janitor would walk right in the janitor's gonna stop worried Well, the janitor would walk right in. The janitor's gonna stop worried. It's that thing in the game where they tell you, I think it's in the game where he says, when they go, when you walk into a room, walk directly up to the person you wanna talk to,

don't walk in and start looking around like who's here? Walk in and fucking go right up to somebody, shows confidence, like that's the same thing, walk directly into that fucking chick-fil-a. For most guys, it's women in a bar for me and you it's chick-fil-a sandwich. You walk right up to that chick-fil-a sandwich like it's yours. You take it. So we go to this fucking place and load the trays up.

We look, we walk right through security. I'm nervous as shit. And I've been arrested. I've stolen shit, I have no problem doing crime. It's just the college aspect of it makes me nervous because there's a bunch of kids running around and you went to college which we'll get into in a second but we walk right the fucking, I'm literally falling, you're lead, we walk right up to the Chick-fil-A and I'm nervous. For one, that we're not supposed to be there for two, that I'm in the Chick-fil-A and I'm nervous for one that we're not supposed to be there for two That I'm in the Chick-fil-A. Yeah, I'm fucking with there and the sandwiches are in the fucking slider and hang on It's my mother. It's my fucking mom

We're taking it hang on hang on hang on no, don't stop it. Ma Ma hi, Ma listen, I know. I'm sorry. I didn't call you back yesterday. I'm doing a pot, huh? I'm not not doing pot. I'm I'm doing a podcast right now. Can I cut? Can I hang on hang on? Can I I'm gonna I'm gonna call you back. What are you calling about Andrew's thing? I'm calling you back. What are you calling about, Andrew Sting? I have no idea what you're saying. It's not the party. But it was the party wasn't. What?

Why? Why? You're calling us back, right? You're calling us back, right? Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Really? Really? Can't have a man and a... So, alright, was that Andrew's birthday?

Oh, Papa's birthday was today. Okay, I gotta call man, shit. I was my grandfather's 101 birthday. He was a few days away from being 101. All right, well, I love you. I'll call you back and I'm, I'm done with the podcast, all right? I love, think about what I should get him. Okay, I will, I'll think about it.

Thank you. All right, I'll talk to you later. I want to take a picture back to Kali right now. Okay, right, my, I get it. Ma. I love you too. I'll talk to you later. All right, goodbye. I love you. Anyways.

You have the same voice as your mom. I do. You both have the same. I like the... Directed. Oh, these call my my mama fucking dirty Bostonian in a weird roundabout way so we're in the fucking chick filet

I'm fucking nervous you fucking what you're up to you don't even give a shit you like the coolest cucumber in the fucking room which is- We were in the place what did you think we were gonna do to us I got it man I never seen you that nervous I was like what the fuck do you think is gonna happen

did you think you're gonna rest us or some shit. Yeah Yeah, you can't get arrested for that. I'm 40. I'm fucking hanging around 19 year olds. Yeah, it's trying to get chicken That's weird dude All right, so we load up the trays with shit load them up and you actually I was trying to load my trip a little more than and you were like dude You don't need it. We got there was an intervention Can I talk about what we got? Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, we got a sandwich We each got a sandwich nuggets fries Coleslaw on a drink right that's a major fucking meal right fact. I even go I go do you want to split fries and you go fuck you?

No, it's a Pauling fries and you go fuck you? No, they take some fuck yeah, so then you went you try to get an extra sandwich. I was like dude stop You don't need anymore you got enough now So wait in line literally 20 students in line. We're in the middle of this line Yeah, I'm trying to hold my head down so they don't see my gray whiskers on my fucking chin Yeah, you're just standing like the fucking like you like you'd go to school there. Yeah, there's this huge line now The way this thing worked was there was there was an entrance There was an entrance area in an exit area the exit areas where the cash register is our the entrance area was unguarded There was nobody monitoring anything so you could just take your food and walk back out the fucking entrance area nobody would know nobody's looking yeah except for God

And karma really yeah, all right. Well. Yeah, so nobody's looking. There's one old lady running a cash register She got 20 fucking students. She doesn't see I go dude. Let's fucking walk I'm like with the chick fillet. Let's go. Oh, let's fucking walk. I'm like, no. With the chick filet, let's go. No. It's free. I'm already nervous as a dad. I was worth a fucking fast food each. I'm like, let's just fucking go. Nobody's gonna catch us.

You wouldn't do it. You know, I wouldn't do it. You weren't scared of you, you were gonna rest. You told me you were afraid, you said, I'm afraid they're gonna take my chick filet away from you. And not let me have it. That's what he was scared of. They were gonna say, no, that he wasn't allowed to eat it. That's what he was scared of. They were gonna say no,

that he wasn't allowed to eat it. Did you imagine getting so close and then having it ripped out of my hand? I would have fucking, I would have literally bit through the tinfoil. If that was the case, I would have bit through the fucking tinfoil. And then we sat in this cafeteria and these students were, look, we're just eating in the cafeteria and the students will look at it. And then you just got to reminisce about fucking your college life, which I fucking hate college life. I've never had it. I went to a Bunkahill Community College like I said to Colin, I go, I was complaining about

college life after you were just reminiscing about it. And he was like, yeah, well, I'm sure there wasn't a real big social life. I'm bucket home community college. Place closed at 6.30 p.m. Yeah, my college said the same hours of a florist. I had a great time, man, because I see I went initially to temple, you know, temple. No, early, right? Temple University. Oh, yeah, yeah. I initially went to temple, but I went to one of the saddle

I can't put campuses in Ambla, Pennsylvania, so it was like 2,000 kids there. Right. You could live there, but it was very similar to community college. Nothing was going on, and I'll shut down early. Right.

I hated it. I lived on campus, I hated it. One of this miserable depression. Really, I was so depressed that they let me out of my housing contract really they were like we're worried about you You can just move home and I went home and I was like I can't I'm not gonna go to school If that's what it's like fuck that it sucks and my parents are like well you can transfer Found this school called Kutztown in Pennsylvania and it was you know It's like 11,000 kids right

in the middle of like the men and night, non-missed country in Pennsylvania, right near screen. Yeah. There's nothing to do there except party. And it was like this secluded thing. And it was the town itself is probably two square miles was tiny. So the whole town was college kids. Right. It was like, just we do just every that was that was it Every housing fucking thing downtown was student now So it was just a city of college kids, right? So it was just fucking chaos dude Fucking chaos and then my last two years there There's this pizzeria right in the middle of mainstream called mama's pizza. Yeah, it was the most famous

Most popular spot in town everybody went after the bars. It was the most famous, most popular spot in town. Everybody went after the bars. It was the hot fucking spot to get food and shit at night. They had six apartments above it. And we got into the mom as building my third year at school, which was like, it was like, dude, you're fucking in. That's the spot. I know there was like three buildings where you wanted to live, you know?

So we got in the whole fucking building. Every apartment was guys in the ice hockey team except my apartment. It was, we were all theater. But they liked this man and we all got along. We all liked to booze it up. So we had fun together and they kind of liked that we were dear. They come see our plays and shit. We go see their ice hockey game.

It was fucking fun, man. But it was just the best thing. Anyway, wait a minute. They would come to your place. Yeah, they'd come watch us do shit. Like, they'd come like support us. So it was just a bunch of jocks in the audience. Yeah, they'd come out like Joe!

Yeah, they would get like excited flowers. Yeah. And you'd go to their hockey games and not know anything that's happening. Yeah, exactly. Shake another tip, touchdown. Exactly, because it was all tip. Touchdown. Exactly. It was all just, it was all just an excuse to get wasted.

Right. So they're like, we'll get wasted and come to your play. And we're like, we'll get wasted and come to your game. I'm a good bearer, man. Like, let's have a good time. But we, the best, the best story was, we had, we had this one day, and it was literally like the day to end all days in college. It was the end of the semester. A lot of guys were moving out the next year. It was people who were graduating.

It was all going to shift in the next year, so we were like, we got to go all out. So we said these keggers, it was open balconies in the apartment building. It wasn't even closed always. So we did these keggers out on the balconies right and Fucking just tons of broads and music. It was the shit man. I don't know why we never got busted. We just didn't right So my friend Pat next door and Keith they lived together next door. They'd been fucking panty raiding These chicks houses all semester every time they were at a chick's house for a party They would fucking panty-rate them and steal their shit, right?

So we had this thing called the panty-loo out we fucking hung all the fucking underwear and bras from all the chicks Around the whole thing it was insane. There was like fucking a hundred pair of underwear And then we invited all those chicks and they thought it was funny Some fat chick gonna get a fucking double D bar. I rough the fucking wall. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, this is the craziest day, because we're getting fucking loaded, right? And there was this shop, there was a supermarket down the street.

And I'm a big star wars freak. It was right when Phantom Menace, the first prequel came out. They had this cardboard cut out in the supermarket of Darth Maul. It was a life-size cardboard cutout. I proposition this supermarket eight times to buy it. I was like, please sell that to me. They wouldn't sell to me. No, it's got to go back to Lucas. Like, we're not allowed to give that to anybody. So, we're all fucking banged up. My buddy's got a mini van. He goes, fuck this.

We're getting Darth Maul today. We drove down to the supermarket, we put goodies and sunglasses on, disguise ourselves. We went into the fucking supermarket, they had the van, mini van running with the big sliding door open. Outside, we grabbed it and fucking ran. And they were chasing us, the employees were chasing us, we were so fucking scared. I think Pat was running with it. We're going, go, go, go, he's fucking running with it up in the air. He's holding it up in front of us. We can't see, it hits the fucking door on the way out and breaks in a half.

And we just fucking grab it though. We get it, we jump into the van, we peel out, we get throught them all, we bring it back, everybody's going fucking crazy because we got it. We keep drinking, keep drinking, keep drinking. and then we move to this other party that night This is how the night ends. We're at this other party my friend Pat This guy what the fuck was this guy's name and I Forget this guy's name, but this Italian dude. We know he didn't go to school with us. I just know him for a round down He was like 40.

He finally came to one of our parties. We're all excited. Like you gotta come hang, dude. So he comes, he gets fucking totaled. We go to this other party with him. He's wrestling, my friend Pat. Yeah. Pat loved to wrestle all the fucking time. You get drunk and take a shirt off

and start wrestling, you shit. It's called gay. Yeah. That's what I fucking hate calls. I gotta get this kid out. You'd love this fucking kid. He lives in Jersey. He's still bats. So he fucking, he, uh, he's wrestling this guy. I know a couple of priests that like to do the same thing. And they're, they're going, they're just fucking wrestling. Like it's their waist wasted and it's hilarious right

So we all leave and we go we had a courtyard in our building we go back to the courtyard It's like three o'clock in the morning everybody's done and Somebody goes I forget to set it. There's like six of us stand there with this 40-year-old dude So nobody goes man, they got a little crazy, huh? And Squatty got the guy goes, fuck that, it didn't get crazy. You wanna see crazy?

Pulls the fucking piece out of his pants. I swear to God, it goes, fires three shots into the fucking grass. And everybody's like, all right, well, I'm gonna go to bed. And this fucking kid, Pat, he was so, he was nuts, dude. They used to duel with baby guns. They would just duel with baby guns.

Because they were like, yeah, I could fucking take it. You know what I mean? I saw him wrestle on glass before he was all cut up. And he just thought it was funny. That fucking kid was white. He was white because he was like dude I was wrestling that guy the loaded gun is fucking shorts he's a 40 year old a 40 year old fucking man loaded gun in shorts just wasted

this is the only difference between me, my childhood and your childhood. I did all that shit at 10, 13, and I got caught. That's it. The only difference between me and you, I ripped off a fucking supermarket and stole gum ball machines. I did. I got drunk, stole the gum ball machines, and got arrested. I got caught. I literally had a shock onto my head. And somebody's backyard.

And the cops said, if he moves, shoot him. I went, it was gum. I got arrested for kicking a mailbox that's a federal offense. I don't know if you know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got kicked a mailbox. We were supposed to go fight Burlington.

Medford was fighting Burlington. And... Yeah, exactly. And we were walking to go fight Burlington, medford was fighting Burlington, and yeah, exactly. And we were walking and I was like, yeah, and I fucking fucked him and I kicked him mailbox, cop pulled over and you grabbed me through me in the car. I got arrested for throwing a rock at a school door. My friend Frankie was throwing this boulder at a school door for literally 45 minutes.

Boom, boom, nothing. I go down, he goes, you should do it. I pick it up one time, couples up, I'm holding the rock. He got a call that someone's throwing rocks at the school door. He shows up, it's me holding the rock. Never in through the rock, in the back of the car. Every fucking time. We used to throw shit over our balcony,

just to watch it break, because it was funny. And this kid, Kees, or one night, who was fucking nuts. This kid keys her didn't go to school. He just lived in the building with us. Yeah. And he worked at the craft cheese factory. Right. He was our age, but he didn't go to school.

He just was fucking there. Fucking was roommates with two of the guys actually. We're students. Keys used to get trash. She had to hit a sectional couch. Yeah. fucking there fucking was roommates with two of the guys actually were students Keys used to get like trash you know hit a sectional couch. Yeah, when he'd get drunk. He'd set it up like it was a bus Where the guy he'd set up like it was a bus and he'd sit in the front like he was driving you go over his apartment He'd be all drunk and he'd go come on. Let's ride the keys or bus And you just sit there and he would pretend that he was driving your bus around Hey folks, where are we going today? You know like he's a funny fucking dude, right? But yeah, one night the whole building

Like it it sounded like dynamite went off the building like literally shook. It sounded like an explosion We were like what the fuck was that he threw a fucking TV off the balcony and the tubes are explosive, dude. Yeah. The tube fucking exploded right at the ground. It was like the loudest and he just laughing. And we're like, what the fuck? He's wrong with you, dude.

You know what I mean? Like, there's no real end to that story. Yeah, I just got fired from being a bus driver. When I was a kid, we used to go to the toughs, one of the parks of the toughs university. We used to go to railroad tracks and you know the rocks on the railroad tracks, those nice little fucking chunky rocks. We used to fill up on those and when they did football practice, we'd get the pockets and fill up our shirts with rocks and we'd go to the football practice and just hook rocks, throw them into the fucking pile of guys that

were practicing because they wouldn't hurt them because they had all the pads on in the helmets. But you just see a ping and the fuck what the, and the whole football team would chase us across this huge park, this field, and we would be laughing running with a whole tough football team behind us. It sounded like a stampede behind you. It was such a loud noise and so terrifying that it was just so funny to us and there was this one little opening on the other side that you'd have to make it through where they really couldn't go beyond because the coach would be yelling at them.

We would do that every fucking time they were practicing. We just get there and start fucking Huck and Rocks and have a whole team. That's so funny. That's the best part of being young is doing that dickhead-y shit. Yeah. Are you like, you can't really get in trouble for it. You just do it to be an asshole like it's so funny, man Yeah, I can't do she lay that would eat old No, you can't you can't that's like stealing Chick-fil-A You're not supposed to do that when you're old and you can afford it

What else was the steel Chick-fil-A do we both have multiple credit cards? We make money we have fucking not we live in Manhattan an important detail here was we didn't know if they were going to let us pay for it if you had to pay with a special student card. That was part of my motivation. Let's just fucking walk. Because if we get up to the front and they say no you got to pay with they have these things in college they're called like flex cards. Yeah. You know, so you pay they're like you know you got to pay with your flex card. Then what? Then we fucking don't get Chick-fil-A. We could have had it for free.

Stop opening with a car to us. Did you know embarrassing that would be to be arrested? And with my luck, you'd probably get off because you look like I'd probably be fucking cuffed up, having to call my wife. Can you get me out of jail? And I'm supposed to be on a diet. She's not supposed to be a Chick-fil-A.

Never mind the fact that she has to come pick me up. For what? I was robbing chick filet She would divorce me. You know sick that is you know Yeah, yeah, I know but this is my argument never mind the fat jokes on Owen a My god Holy shit that I'm gonna think of that the trashy. I would have got on a would have been totally shit that tri- I'm gonna think of that. The trash I would have got, I don't know, and A would have been fucking epic. Oh my God.

It was my mug shot, and all the fucking stupid photoshop things that the assholes would have done. Me and Jail. Jesus dude, that is the best trash I ever did. The, here's the thing, Donald probably just bang me up on this. We're growing men.

I would have stolen the fucking chick, Philae. And if they're bullshit security guard, what it comes to me, it goes, hey, you didn't pay for that. I would go, oh, Jesus, dude, aren't you right? It's all right, man. Well, no, you do you stole it. No, I didn't.

No, you, bro, look at the fucking cash, my wallet. Do you think I need to steal, I'm 33? I mean, then I want to just pay for it. Here, take the fucking money my wallet. Do you think I need to steal it? I'm 33 I'm not I want to just pay for it here take the fucking money. I made a mistake Dude, I've walked out of stores holding shit by accident. I'll be holding a book or something I'll forget and I'll walk out of the fucking store looking for somebody I Get outside. I'm like oh Jesus Christ. I've walked back in and this gone. Sorry. I literally just walked outside with this by accident They go okay, don't worry about see that see I They're fucking I I little could walk into a dwayne read or with those you know those those detectors

That way you know if you walk out and they haven't scanned it on the the magnet yeah Anytime I walk through one even though I know I have a receipt I paid for everything or I didn't even get anything I still walk through holding my breath because I still get paranoid that I I stole so I I'm a thief like that dude. I've been I've been in jail. I've been in locked away for a year I'm still paranoid of I can't believe that I'm not in prison. I should be in prison. In my brain, I should have been in prison for some serious, serious crime. That's the way I was kind of headed. So for me, not to be a criminal, not to be a piece of shit scumbag, and to actually have good morals where I can afford to pay for Chick-fil-A. It's kind of an accomplishment for me.

I kind of take pride in the fact that I don't have to steal this. We didn't have to. It just would have been great. It wouldn't have been great. Everything's I don't have to do that I love doing. Like what? I don't have to drink fucking whiskey at all. There's nothing that means I have to do that. I love it though, so I do it. I don't have to go eat Eight pieces of KFC right now with you. I'm gone to Speaking of KFC we need to end this fucking podcast because that's exactly what we're gonna do because it's

Was it I starved it? I'm really scared. They're gonna close. All right, we're gonna go. We're gonna get the fuck out of here now Joe to Rosa Thank you for doing the podcast and in order of you today we will close with your theme song. Oh, thank you. In the press conference. For everybody that listen to this podcast, follow us on Joe DeRosa comedy at Joe DeRosa comedy and at Robert Kelly on Twitter, Facebook's account, Robert Kelly, Joe DeRosa, and follow

us at CheatTheMovie, Capital C, Capital T, Capital T, CheatTheMovie, at CheatTheMovie, Capitote, Capitote, Capitote, CheatTheMovie, at CheatTheMovie on Twitter, and CheatTheMovie on Facebook. Make sure you join our Facebook account and our Twitter for updates. And you can buy tickets at trybackoffilmfestival.com, get tickets to the showings of our short film, which is starting in April. So that's it. de la película, que es una apuesta de apuesta. Con Volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca. Spectacularismos, rincones de película y un sin fin de aventuras te esperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de Madrid, Amurcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros.

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