Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Disciple of Dudes

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

Bobby's still on the road :(. So we get Dan Soder to host with guests Luis J Gomez, Ari Shaffir and Tim Dillon! We talk about eating ass, eating puss, and eating ice cream (so Tim doesn't feel left out). Watch / Listen and enjoy! RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night. Con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? Y no lo sé, dude. ¡On the Riotcast Network!

Riotcast.com. Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is going to be a costophile. It's podcast. It has no rules. For the best. You're the mic asshole on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a clashtify. It's podcast, there's no rules. What about the mic asshole? I'm sure. I already said should I regret it? Can I get a mic?

No, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That's how it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it

I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it

I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it

I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it I love doing it Is this where it starts? Is this where we start talking? I am so lost without Bobby

It's you know what dude, but today's a dude without dudes Hi, I'm Dan Soder also known as monster voice joined by the real-ass dude Puerto Rican rattlesnake the show hashtag you mean the show hashtag the artist is Yeah, what's trying to make me ready? The most searched man by debt collectors Lewis J Gomez Chris gopops What's up? How you doing the lovely Lauren? I feel is lovely Lauren? That'd be like a good nickname I've never been more attracted to Lauren than I am right now down Lewis heel I want to and I asked her and I was heel. This is true. I really met this

I said Lauren. Can I eat your ass on the podcast today? Um, I walked into the question. I walked in the door and the first thing I heard was You wouldn't let a guy just eat your ass That's the first thing that I heard her answer was oh no but play and that I was like okay, holy you won't let it Pause that real quick. We still got to get deepu is here. Everybody, what's going on? Running the cameras and Bobby Kelly on the road. So this is a disciple of Dude's podcast. He's not here, so his cutout is in the seat.

I like it. I don't feel comfortable sitting in that seat. I feel like there's trap levers and buttons. Is it too much power? I just feel like the anger in that seat. You just controls, he where I'd like, oh, it's just, it's just speaking in tongues. You just controls you where I'm like, oh, it's just a speaking of tongues. It's not impossible. I am, know how long you've been in the bed

Started my own company and really I find myself traveling wherever I want whatever you talked about had you Have you talked about having your ass holy and on this podcast before probably probably I feel like we do focus on People wanting to fuck Lauren. Yeah, this isn't like a political podcast. I'm sure that was like the third topic by the time She was in the room. I was like first day topics. Yeah, that's like a a political podcast. I'm sure that was like the third topic by the time she was in the room I was like first day topics. Yeah, that's like a first day interview question probably true I was like dead. I used to like to do it a little bit of spit in my mouth Yeah, you always has this very descriptive element of his butt eating. I do love eating a nice ass Dan All the way in tongue all the way in yeah, I mean I'll go

Do you laugh over I just do a nice lap over. Is it like a bend over eating? Do you go, I like her going doggy style and then going from fucking her to eating her ass. You like rubbing her clay and fingering her at the same time. Wait, you've had this, I don't like very sensual. You have to start to go this.

This is very sensual. I make eye contacts with her through her legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She looks down between her legs. That's where I would fuck up and give her thumbs up. Yeah. Hey, it's me and back here. You want me to do it in a macho man's voice?

Yeah. Pussy is very sweaty. Yeah. Yum, yum, yum. Look at her. Yeah. She's like, ah, it took me out. I'm like, hey, you're dry enough. Yeah.

Lauren, can you do any impressions? Do you have any talents? Whoa. Come on, Lewis. How do you, you know what? This is totally like, that's 90s style trying to get pussy where you put girls down. Yeah.

You're like, are you just not a useless slut? And you never ever. Just tell me a big of a slut. Can you do a macho man, Lauren? I want to go. I'm going to go to a macho man because dance here. Why would I do a macho man? I'm going to tell you why. Don't fuck to give me that attitude. First of all, he do a macho man Lauren I want to go because dance here why would I do a macho man I'll tell you why don't fuck to give me that attitude first of all he runs a pocket

network he knows what he's doing because dance odor is the authority on macho man approach here's the deal and I don't like to say is you do whatever voice you are comfortable doing all right I'll just do a girl from Jersey that's very good. So there you go. You've lost at your own game. We're supposed to have two other guests, but they're both high-falute and assholes. It's respectful. Here's what happened. Bobby Scopo reached out and said, Bobby asked if I could guest host the podcast.

He asked me who I wanted, and I thought of three of the biggest personalities that I know. Obviously, lead personality real-ass dude, Louis J. Goen. He was first on the list number one on the list number two uh are you shuffeeer what are you playing I'm calling Tim Dylan I came away the third person you asshole I was here there's a half a confident collected are you shuffafir Tim Dylan just like

Yeah, good job Tim. You're on speaker phone right now on the YKWD podcast. We're all wondering Ari Shafir just walked in Ari Shafir is two hour long specials working on his third right now. Oh, it's on his second season of This is this yeah, third season. What was it? Oh wait? I thought you did two online two on lunch this week fifth So this is fifth season of this is not happened on TV show Dan Sotar just did his hour special on comedy centuries. Oh, it's also fire film and billions yesterday He's probably telling about that star of a brand new romantic comedy. Yeah I mean the the lists of credits go on and on I won't even talk about my credits him I mean I can I can create a of gas digital,

who houses Tim Dillings going to help out. You can say that I'm his boss. You absolutely can say he really is boss. You do son of a cheque. I don't know if you couldn't say that. So Tim, we're just wondering how it is possible that Tim Dillin who has a total of 2600 Twitter followers. Lewis J. by the numbers go. it is possible that tim dillen who has a total of twenty six hundred twitter followers

the latest j by the numbers go just who just did who just got his first TV credit in one comedy knockout how you could possibly be this late to this high profile of a podcast because i i just had a meeting with a ralph and we're planning to do meeting with Ralph Sutton, we're planning a crew. And you know, we're planning a team that you must know. And we wanted to do it. And we wanted to get a plan in place.

I'm going to be here in a few minutes. You know, I got stuff going on. Tim, if you walk in, if you walk in with a fucking ice cream cone, I'm going to punch you in your tits. First of all, I've been walking with ice cream cone so that you touch me uh... uh...

i love the touch of a human i'll be there in a few minutes please go back to whatever hang up on them now hope you're into the civil set up one of those uh... one of those scooters for the chair so you can get up here yeah one of those one of those called bullet train we were discussing before we went on air like tim dillens's gay sex must smell god awful oh yeah I mean he yeah he probably has a ass wreak I feel like it's smell like after like a the Colosseum in Rome like is it blood is it fucking is it shit it's only the above what happened yeah

oh Bobby is calling right now Bobby's calling oh what does Bobby keep alcohol right behind his seat? What's up, Bob? Hey dude what up, nigga? Okay, you are the one who's calling him the N word. I was calling you my nigga because we're friends. So that's where I like a really bad version of lean on me when he gives the speech at the end where he's like, get your mind. What is that? What was that? Ever James All-Mos movie where he changes all the kids? The kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's essential. Yeah, that's what you're like a bad version of that teacher. You think you're gonna have some logic that blows his mind. Bobby Lewis just said it. If it for the black promoter you should get paid ahead of time that is true who is did say that i didn't say

that that's very good advice that really bugs me that scope of book an all-star show like this is probably the best show ever yeah i'm not there well yeah well the fucking the her yeah the hurricane tim dillon hasn't walked in yet so the long island i call him the long island sound haha what is that what is that honey pig doing haha you can't decide between pizza and swammer so he's doing the the trifecta

i think that that mean three yet he's gonna figure out the but bobby i love the grandma pages the best i know you do it uh... bang bang if you have a done a machine gun it's just where you never stop it uh... uh... i'm not me and but me and stavros one of us is to die on the store. If not, we have not gone to the gym once. We've been eating noodles. I mean, ever or yeah, we have gone to the

gym. We're eating shitty all day long. Are you guys doing a food version of leaving Las Vegas? We're just chasing all the worst meals to eat. Well, it's fucking terrible, dude. It's really bad. Well, I want to let you know, Bobby, we left. We put your cut out in your seat to make the balance feel correct. Oh, good. Well, good. I wish I wanted to get back to that cut out.

Yeah, add more cardboard to that fucking thing when I get back. Yeah, or pillow. I'm going to die out here. Why do you keep saying that? Like, you know it's gonna happen. Are you on a death monitor? Yeah, this is also your decision. You know what you're doing.

If you can step outside of yourself, what would you tell yourself to do, Bob? Oh, I love what he gets all day. Never talk to Lewis again. Yeah, that would help. Good one. Lewis is like a motivational speaker that doesn't heed his own advice.

You're gonna go out and grab it. What am I gonna do? Zap. Yeah. You gotta grab it. You grab it. I'm too tired to grab it. Bobby gotta grab that diet by the pussy and stick to it. Wow. Holy Cleveland. Wow. Wow. Grab it right by the Okay, listen Bobby man you gotta wake the fuck up You see the black rotor Fuck man Shit man, it's my fucking damn

I can't deal with this again It's a great black comic, man. Sugar snacks. Oh, man. Aw, man. Capri-sund, damn, man. I'm a Capri-sund. No, no, no, no.

So that's his cousin. That's his successful cousin. Bobby, why do you have stover? Stover looks exactly like you. Is that knockout fusing for the crowd? I fuck, listen. I fucked up Lewis, okay? What do you mean? I fucked up.

You should have brought me, right? I'm not bringing you, you crazy. Yeah, one of you would have been dead. Now, we literally can't be together for that long. I think a weekend is the absolute max when we barely see each other. Lewis, you're like Vegas, three days, that's it. That's a very good, that is a great, what happens in Lewis. But he's in Lewis. No, it doesn't. It goes on the real last podcast.

That's right every time. And it's three days for the year by the way. Not all once. I was going to say for the whole decade. Yeah, I was in Lewis seven years ago. I lost everything. I lost. Would to Lewis for three days and I came back in different person. I don't know. I Can't go back. I'll get arrested Stavros really does it really he is like my little son open up to me. Do people think he's like your brother or something? No, I say give it up for my son every night. It's like, it's like Dwayne and Dink from WWE. It's a great reference to any fucking wrestling fan out there that did that shit.

That's only because nobody could imagine Stavros' being Dink. It's like Dwayne and Dwayne. I can't imagine getting through the ropes. You guys are like Russian egg dolls except stavros get stuck inside of you And stavros is all like oh hell yeah hell yeah trying to get out of you bro I like to imagine Robert doing his stand- and stop us behind him in those Instagram posts. I'm just saying there. Like I mean, you used to do school pictures

of one face up in the left corner and then one in the right bottom corner. It's just kind of bizarre, like the whole I imagine. It really is like if you had Nick Novicki open up for you. I would love it. Let's do it. Master Blaster Style. You got to, if you guys, they probably don't

know what Nick Novicki is, but he looks to Jack and L.A. He's a midget and he looks just like a little person. He knows he's a midget, he hates that word. And he looks just like the insulator. He has the same face as the insulator. Look, you're not gonna want a career at all. Listen to me, the midgets are in control of nothing.

Ah, that's what you think. Nick is like, my father was a midget. I am a little person. And my son will be a king. A little king. Yeah, fuck your what's his name from Game of Thrones is has opened up the entire MIGIT market. Dinklage?

Yeah. What's your target? No, for himself. What a player. What the hell has anybody to talk about how he has the word Dink in his last name? Yeah. I never know. This is perfect timing.

The doctor's like, you've had a baby boy, and your last name is Dinkley. All right, that's just funny. Have you seen his condition yet? Oh, you're all gonna laugh when you see your son. He is tired. So the name Dinkley is truly, that's gonna be a hell in middle school.

I heard he's not even really a little person. Just his parents put him one of those boxes so he could, his bones couldn't grow grow. Well, it could be funny with his name. Yeah, like a day. Yeah, you must be stay tiny. Like a female gymnast. Would they stop him from getting their periods? You will stay tiny forever. We're going to get Thai food. Oh, Jesus, Bobby, you can't say you're gonna die and then tell us you're going to it basically a noodle Russia, you're gonna pass by two whole foods in the way there just have a salad have some rumbling have it uncomfortable for a little bit

But then eat an apple peanut butter. It's a fun little trick that I yeah, but don't use jiffy peanut butter You shut up. I'm that's what peanut butter. You use jiffy like a real ass dude actually for you Bob Potato salad is not a salad by the way Actually for you Bob, Potato Sal is not a salad by the way. Not a taco salad. Yeah, listen, Tim Dylan's gonna walk in here in a second and that's the ghost of Christmas future. And I'm talking to the ghost of Christmas present and I'll be even never sucked in for a hoagie.

Do you know what gelato tastes like on a sailor's ass hole delicious? Do you ever get half a through an intervention and be like, this is just telling our friendship apart. Let's just drink. Let's just drink. Let's just do it. I listen, I'm outta here. I love you guys. I'm gonna get a salad and then smoke a cigar

and then I'm gonna have star roasts, suck my dick. Okay. Which really, it's like you're blowing yourself so it's not even gay. I get it. You found the perfect companion. I'll see you guys. All right, take a diabetic knife. a lunch Robert go to Robert Kelly live.com for all is upcoming dates Is that right scope oh that is correct see what happens when you put in a year serious you start getting good at plugs

You're fucking good Dan That's a guy you can be the drop master. Yeah coming up are you sure fear is gonna be I was trying to do a good Fez I don't think I was just kind of It just sounded like you're a dinklage. It's, you know, listen, I got three speeds, buddy. They all fall under one of the three speeds. Yeah. And we got away from butthole talking. So that was, oh, I wanna go back to your technique.

He was talking about how he eats butt from behind. Yeah, I bender over, I'm fucking her from behind. Then usually my dick will get a little soft in the middle of it. Yeah. So then when I eat it, why? Because your brain wanders? Just because I'm fucking brain wanders is a weird brain wanders.

I think women don't understand a lot about brain wanders. So you're just like, he's, I fuck a bunch. This isn't that special for me. But you also want to be like, it's really what it is, dude. I don't fuck. I'm over it. Like, I've been there a thousand times. Not even for that, it's me.

It's a menial task. I'll be like, should I drop off my laundry tonight or tomorrow morning? It's a rude moment. And then they catch you like, I mean. Ah, so then my mind will be like, I'm really, as you ask for me. So my dick, my dick will start to,

sort of, sort of, to unfill. I call it the heroin nod, or you dick, sort of. Yeah, my dick starts to heroin nod, and then I'm like, oh, when I do something really perverted and fucked up. So let me lick the shit out of her ass.

I don't think psych. I call it you hard. That gets me less. Yeah, no. So then what I do is I I pull my dick out and then I start eating her ass while I play with her Clint and then I finger her from behind while I'm looking her ass. But you said you look at her.

You try to look on now. Make a gap. Yeah, between the gap. I mean, we just heard a girl say that I say Now make out you look to the gap. Yeah, between our legs in the gap I mean we just heard a girl say that I say hot one hot two hot three. How you lift your right leg? Oh Blue for the two Brown 69 Oh 169 One two

Girls don't like the look if you look up With the inputs you just want us to stare at the vagina Focus man, guys close their eyes and look away. Yeah, but then sometimes you get the like weird like Terrible stare and it throws you off the mr. Wilson. Yeah, I do like looking up at a girl when her eyes are closed and like getting into it Yeah, I don't know if she looks down. You look at it one time But you know what's funny about that? It's like when you catch when you're looking at a hot girl in the train and she looks at you You're like yeah Oh, this is actually great. Hold on. Why don't we?

Okay, I'm gonna add over ahead I got idea. Let's build the fork. Okay, thanks for spinning I got so excited You're a hordered edgy. I guarantee you Lewis's idea is not gonna be nearly A lot of dick in the butt If it's bookended by Lauren and who nobody wants to be behind my ass I'd be behind yeah, yeah, you're right. Are you already go to the back? Or is asshole starts sucking on my face?

I look down loose. I'm like loose lost a lot of weight. Oh my god. It's everything's being suckers All this organs are being sucked out of them I'm losing so much weight. Why don't we describe the Eating technique all five of us. Okay, actually Tim can do be last when he gets here finally. He's gonna be like this. I tell him to pull up that pants. He's like 40-year-old virgin in the beginning. And then I take my tongue thing and I put it into the hole. I've said this before but whenever I'm born on the train and there's two very flaming gay guys like on the train you beat them up I just go hey I don't like it I always imagine them being like I just love pussy just them talking about pussy and it always makes me laugh

then being like oh did her pussy got so wet like if you thought if they were straight and you didn't know it yeah it was like a flailing river. Oh my God, just such hot puss. Well, we should have a competition to see who describes himself as having the best technique. Lauren, you gotta take out of it, who each person is, because I know I'm gonna be in the last place in that case.

Well, don't you think that in that case, we should write it down? All right, it down. I gotta do it. No, you don't, you don't. Yeah, but you can tell. Right down, huh? Yeah, but she's retarded. I don't. Yeah, but you can get

She's retarded. I don't ask you to be a stenographer. I was saying just we're an anonymity about it. So we do it's all the art is gonna be backwards. Can I just draw a picture? Can I draw a high-resistant different color crayon? This means I look hard. This means I look soft. It's a hard thing.

And then when you come in my mouth, I go, cool. Do I have a bit right now on stage about Lewis Gomez? And somebody in the audience? Somebody in the audience? Because Lewis J. Gomez said, I go, I refuse. Yeah. Yeah, so wait, what's your idea? You want us to tell her everything?

Yeah, we're going to describe our technique to Lauren of how we eat pussy. And then she will pick which one sounds the most appealing. All right, go ahead. I mean, she's really into this. Look, she wants to get started on right now. I'm ready, let's go. Yeah, look at her.

Yeah. I'll go ahead, Lewis. Yeah, why don't you start it on? I haven't even described my technique from behind. No, but do we have any central music? Can you get some central music going? Maybe Bobby's last album. Yeah, oh yeah, put on some Bobby live.

Lay on these silk sheets and watch me get it. Why don't we do some Keith Sweat? Sure. By the way, that's a fantasy football league commission. It's time to receive a commission. Oh, you know what? You're not supposed to do it. That's supposed to be a mid-roll read.

Oh, okay, so. Do it, dude. Oh, damn it. I want to of commission. You're not supposed to do it. That's supposed to be a mid-roll read. Oh, okay, so. Do it, dude. Oh, damn it. I want to do it. You can do it now, you'll. Oh, okay, cool. While he's finding music, attention fantasy football league commissioners.

It's time to restore the position of commissioner to its former glory by giving the people what they want. A fresh start with new leagues featuring draftkings.com. You can play one private, you can play one week private contest with your friends whenever you want Wait, hold on Serious question. Yeah, the football season is fork five games into the season How are they gonna start a league right now exactly no more breaking up fights over free agents or smoothing over petty grudges?

Is it not answers to my question? Yeah, I know, but no more listening to your league mates complain about their draft a busts Or worrying that your number one running back is become a part of a running back by committing I hate when that happens. Yep, and shake things up take the reins and start a new league Oh a league where you and your friends get to pick a new team each week a league of our own so to say yeah Well Lewis It's not too late to save the season for you and your friends at DraftKings.com. There's no crying in podcasts. Exactly, go away, heardadraftKings.com and save your season. Set up your league today, your friends will thank you. Enter promo code Kelly and play for free

with your first deposit. That's Kelly to play for free at DraftKings.com. Eligibility Restrictions by Apply. See Wealth Times for Details. That's how you read a motherfucking read. Central music. Lewis, as Rick Ruud used to say, hit the music. What's your technique, Lewis?

Let's hear it. Let me see, is this the music that I would eat pussy tail? What is this? We're not in India, you're fine. I'm not gonna have a whole. This is a classic tale of Vishnu. This is the music that we listen to down sometimes. This is the page 72 of the to down some time page 72 of the

I think it's a commercial track. It's there's you find yourself. We call this one the flying of penguin Oh, what's this? What a clock lock. Okay, go this quick look is I want to hear well I would listen to Pantera. Maybe cemetery games. What? That's your pussy. Yes. Yes Pantera cemetery. Yes, hold on. I choose my pussy eating music What is part of it? This is part of it. It's gotta be royalty free. I'm looking through royalty free Nobody cares what a nerd That's it. This is not what I would be pussy to

But you're not eating pussy. So just let's hear Oh Boston you around lose I like that made my dick Well, I know it's gonna soften it up here in about three two one Hey Tim Dylan is in the house at Hey Tim Dylan is in the house at Tim Jay Dylan on Twitter, correct? Exactly, original call time. Nailed it.

Tim, former child star, half an hour late. Kurt Megastar. I cannot wait. I got a lot of iron to the fire. I cannot wait until your fucking heat goes away. I don't think I have any heat now. And you're here 15 minutes early like everybody else. You stop your bitterness.

Let me catch you up real quick. Let me catch you up real quick. Yeah. Let me catch you up real quick. Louis had the brain buster idea of all of us describing how we would eat pussy to Lauren and have her pick, which one is the best technique. OK. And you're going to be included.

That's not fair. Great. Yeah. So Louis is going to go first, because he's his dumb idea. OK. Yeah, so Lewis is gonna go first, because his dumb idea. Okay. So we're trying to find some central music for him. And then Deep who came up with the fucking... I can't do it because it's got to be Royalty free.

That's not how he talks, but in my brain, that's how it talks. Yeah, that's ain't working. Yeah, what is this? What are you doing up on tails? You don't know what, man. We'll see eating tails of you know what I'm gonna sacrifice around a rock This is some real fucking I love you. Oh, it's go to commercial music. Hold on. This is a bad Deepo. Yeah

This is a so this is it just get into it. All right fine. Come on So come on all right, first of all, I wouldn't kiss you on the mouth at all. Alright, cool. Cool. Cool. That seems fancy. I think that's a little too personal. We're just, I'm just doing the work right now. Okay.

I imagine they're going, look to lip and he goes, if you don't mind. I'd like to wait. So yeah, first of all, I take her shirt off, her blouse. He learned some female liquor. Jesus reading out of a JCP and cataloged to his foot, and undo her bra, and I would get it off very quickly because I'm a master at getting the bra's off. I can do it with one hand.

Oh, wow. Please tell us more you have We still think that's an amazing talent By the way, I've seen a girl's boobies Got some Spanish guitar for Lewis So can you stop changing the music? I can't focus right now because Louis, DJ D. Boat, the cornering, he keeps on trying to get how bad music.

Louis is me. It's your dead father. And remember, the secret goal is pussy eating technique. Find yourself. Sounds like pussy and boots. Pussy and boots, that's what I was going for. It's not a tournament about that. All Alright, I'm drying out over here. Whoa!

Why did she lost it? She lost it. That's the game I play though. I get him dry, then wet, dry, then wet. It's a long, long line. I actually only fuck drive a ginous wet. I keep looking at her with some face. You have a glass of cold water next to the bed. Hey, stop it! Yeah, I gently pour this into their eyeball.

Just not too much, but I know. Throw some points. Yeah, throw it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're good. I'm back in. I like traction. Then I start caressing your breasts.

Okay. I start sucking on your nipples. Ooh. A little bit of teeth. A little bit of, not hard, not hard. Very. A shoulder you're there Right there you're not you're nipples are crazy or may or not. I can know she's you're getting wet

That's what I feel against maybe I understand This problem Lawrence and young girl she doesn't know we're on body yet, okay I'm gonna be 30 so Pressure should know her body. I don't know who you're fucking 68-year-old woman at bingo house It's a Stunt's friends That spot that he got home to play bring Margaret

You'd her pussy so then I would unbuckle your pants your jeans and your Jersey trash You have like a three-pronged buckle. Right, right, right, right. So yeah, like you're getting a swash-buckler naked. You're like, you're just in a sword fight? Okay. So I have this sucks. I'm gonna start skin-frestoring it. No, one buckle won't go.

What, what, no. Jersey, can you splinter out of these? Jersey trash only uses bell buckles like it puts with a kn double-staff end off They're like biker dance they have to have a weapon on them at all time Shit one time I got sexually assaulted and has very parked here. I ain't never letting that happen again That's why I got this motorcycle chain is my belt How whip people it's gonna make someone end?

I'll whip people. It's gonna make someone end. Yeah. Yeah. All Jersey girls have apocalypse bills. So then I pull her pants down and they kind of get stuck because she's wearing Jersey trash tight pants. So I finally can't come off of her. I think you're getting stuck. You gotta pull it. Yeah, and then uh...

Strike your foot out. Strike your foot out. One leg gets caught. I leave her socks on and they're not matching socks. Never. I'll tell you this, that you just made me hard. Oh, I love a good socks on fuck. So then what I don't do, keep turning the music back on, Deepu.

Thank you. I don't kiss down her body. I think that's a hack move. Oh, that's women in men are different. Yeah, no, no, that's women to be shopping. I don't I think that's a hack move So you're already the detects you know, I'm playing with your tits right now, okay? And I'm seconding your one tip play with the other two with my hand Then I start to play with your clip with my finger, but my underwear's on no, you're underwear away off

I pull them down with your pants. They're Tangle in your jeans right now. I mean to do one at a time You almost have to pull the underwear away from your jeans right now to do it. I mean to do one at a time You almost have to pull the underwear away from your jeans I'd rather do that then I'm not putting her in a Shoulder do that Whatever you pull the underwear back up the girls always like what do you I go like this? I go that's your no-no spot I need I need full consent for the underwear. I'll produce a contract later The underwear come off in the jeans the rolled within the jeans

Okay, I'm gonna laugh at her trying to get her underwear out of her jeans later on Yeah, as your dick just trips post come on your thigh. Yeah, oh yeah So now I'm sucking on your one nip on playing with your nipple. I'm rubbing your clip in a circular tight pattern One finger inside and rub back to the clinger. Is it worth it? Is it worth it? You do that, I would like to. I was like, this. As you were doing that, I was like, oh, not too much.

One thinger inside, back to the clint. Two fingers inside, back to the clint. One finger inside, like a three fingers. Three fingers. Not three fingers. I'm not a fuck, I'm not trying to break loose as moving as shoulders. Who does three fingers?

Scopo just jams him in. Yeah, that's a queen's hole. I give it a JPP. Yeah. This is a real busy on oil changes. I gotta get it done while we can. Are you done? Did you come on my hand?

So then I fucking, now I aggressively, I grab your chin and I push it up to the pillow. Okay. How I get off. Yeah, pillow okay okay yeah you also have a big chit-it's very easy to grab that fucking Jay Leno right this is interesting anything you have about this apparently apparently who is this

my present yeah and I don't know if you think this you're good about this. You're real ass. Yeah. Take the underwear off with the jeans. We got a, you know, George 20th going to be on later. Oh, my music kicks in. That's a really good end. So then, speed it up now. Okay. Let's speed it up. So now you have a face just man. No, she's good there now. I got her. She knows what's up on the back. Yeah, you're on your now. I got her. She knows what's up. I'm on the back.

Yeah, you're on your back. OK, I open your knees, spread your, I grab your hand, my hands on your thighs, maybe eight inches from your groin area. You got it. Spread them all out. And pushing it out. OK, how do you crack?

And then I go straight to the clip. Right to the clip. I'm not fucking around with the lips. You're not going down. You're not stopping in the labia. No, I'm having having a lick. Hold on. Don't tell me what to do. Okay. I don't you tell me what to do. Okay. You like being fingered. Okay. You just don't know you like being fingered. Okay. And then that's like something that they would read you as a caretaker in a trial. Yeah. We're like, uh, that's not the friend that I know.

For the record, that's not the Lewis J. Gomez that I know. But continue with your questioning, prosecutor. Yes, I was there. Uh, no, that doesn't sound like something. It's a leading question, sir. Yeah, it's a leading question. I'd like to please the fifth possible. Look at my defense.

Lev Ginsburg's like, we can get $7,000 more in apps Why did every man or team it lawyer to a criminal try by the way as we're talking about eating pussy I'm looking at Tim Dylan's face and it's like when I'm on broken's podcast. They start talking about cars No, I'm this I'm very interested. I like this is fun. I like you babe vagina though. Yeah, you love it Is it good? Yeah, I love eating it was was fine. I mean, it wasn't great. When's the last time you ate vagina? Oh, man. 2006?

Oh, I remember the iPhone came. Right when the Guantanamo Bay story broke and they had pictures of all those people. Like, I gotta escape all those bad news. Let me bury my face and some plus. Yeah, it wasn't bad. It wasn't horrible. I mean, you know. I keep eating 10th music news. Let me bury my face and some plus. Yeah, it wasn't bad. It wasn't horrible I mean it you know I keep leaving 10 the music off Are we done she came she's where to roll my face. I picked it. No, she didn't. Oh, I always do there's not fake

Yeah, you always do you wait you say you always every time every time you fake. Yeah, have you ever gone to your life? Climax you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, but you don't but you do already the time I fake do you Is orgasm do you notify the person like hey, by the way most of the time affected But why wouldn't you just not you're like the whole Like do you fake I don't always fake but if I'm like, you know, I don't feel like waiting some guy Masses your face into a pillow by your chin. I got a lot You know, it really makes me come is being called Jay Leno. As a man, I was facing my head. I like to bring it down a peg. You take a confidence away from her.

So that was your whole technique? Because that sounds. What? Pretty lackluster. What? I went to the club. I wasn't thrilling. I kept on like going to click to see.

But you, I definitely faked it. So when you turn around, you see turn around. Thank you. Yeah. It's like there's like a scene in the trailer that wasn't in the movie. Because that's that before and he was like, no, but that's how I would eat or ask.

And I told you, that's to get my dick back hard. Dick back hard. Oh, then you're ready to fuck again. Yeah, then I'm ready to fucking in after eating or ask. What about eating out from behind? Yeah, it's the best. So you get the nose right in the ass. Yeah.

And you go like this. Plus Auri's nose hooks all the way down into her stomach. Yeah, because that's a facial VP. You ready to get face TV? Face TV. I'm leaving. Fuck you guys. It's better than Lewis's long way to get fucking, you ran a marathon to get a mile.

Is that what they say? I don't know. I don't know. It wasn't going anywhere else. What was it supposed to say? Like a click? What did you think she was going to be like a herbal essence commercial? She's going to start going big.

You want me to come right now? I do. I want you to. Yeah. It sounded. It sounded great. Thanks, Tim. Tim, what's your technique?

How do you do it? Lauren, I would punch you in the face. Thank you. And as you came to, I would be rummaging through your drawers. You would almost think you were getting robbed because you were. I would be, you would wake up, I'd be wearing your jewelry. I would be ashamed. But you would, because lipstick out of the mirror,

and then you'd just go like this over the mirror and go back to sleep. Yeah. You're dreaming right now. You're dreaming right now. Yeah, this is a bad dream. Go back to sleep. Yeah. That sounds bad, yeah. You're a dirty ho.

Just go, Bo. I want to know, what's your technique? Ooh. You've done it twice. Oh, this is totally, this is 40 year old virgin all of it. I usually, I'll kiss for a while. Kiss the neck. Yeah. You're adding it to good, then you go down. I usually, I'll kiss for a while, kiss the neck. Yeah.

You're not gonna go, then you go down. I imagine it's like when they show young kids fucking, like when they're like, like in kids were there hooking up. I like, then I like to get the rhythm of the girl. You figure it out how she likes to eat the whole vagina. You don't just eat the, no. It's gonna be quite, no. You're not gonna go back in everything.

I'm gonna time you waste on that fucking hole. I like the hole., he's going to the clad. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there.

You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there.

You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're not going to go back in there. You're gonna get more than you can handle. And now it's also like an egg cream. Hey, bring me an egg cream, Arthur. Now it's an egg cream. Now it's just, yeah.

Just keeps moving with the meal. Oh, I also. Also I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee. Yeah, pussy's like coffee. Stay away. Mike Berrier. Yeah. That's gonna post that.

Get the analogy for anything is pussy anything was the I don't know son this this car ride home is like pussy Deepu what's your technique wait, I feel like that's it you just eat the whole vagina I mean that's how they like to pop out I don't know I go down there the whole pussy it happens You put a little relish on it You hope the match is good It's a pussy What about

No, the music all of a sudden comes back up and people I thought you can ask me Dan I actually read this tutorial recently on how to eat pussy. That fucking yeah, you're done. No, you're done. That's a kind of mom. You just referenced the Max and magazine article. No, it was a it was a Reddit thread actually. That is the nerdyest way to eat pussy. That is the never-eating pussy ever you're getting advice from.

Well, the circumference of every average female's vagina. What was it? It was a sub thread Called lick plus. Yeah, it was under our lick plus. It was just it was very detailed about like how to go very slowly You know and you know start kissing no no face area wrong face area Hey, don't worry. I'll make it all right out there. Oh, I would make you a better one I would to get you on every Gips you're joking, but literally everywhere but

What kiss him everywhere but then That whole fucking slow-play shit is bullshit. I don't think we this is not fucking 1975 I think we'll have a novel girls want to fuck Yeah, thank you. Okay, Lauren, we this is not fucking 1975. I think we're fanciful. Novel girls want a fuck yeah Okay, what side do you want? On the fuck side you want you want D. P. Yeah, you face it in your body one thousand dollars. I want that I would yeah some people don't want to get Eat now some dudes like a blowjob is good for like seven seconds like all right. Let's fuck already Yeah, yeah, I know where the, yeah, yeah. Some girls like it. I know where the fuck.

Yeah, there's some guys that like 30. It's the starter. Yeah, it's an air, yeah. It's an air pit. It'll open up the flour. But I feel like he's trying to do a topus place. Where he's like a fun nickname. So we're just, I bring all the centrality out

for the table to share. You watch your dipping sauces. What you're wondering is, you stick bites, little bites. I soak my fingers in lavender water. dipping sauces. What do you wonder? You stick bites, little bites. I soak my fingers in lavender water. You stick it in your mouth. A pilot comes out. You eat in the car after a driveway.

What's it give you the burger? Eat it. There are many types of none. This is the best. this is garlic none. But we're not describing sex, we're describing eating plus. Right, yeah. But I work my way down there, and then I kind of, I kiss the labia majora a little bit.

I make eye contact with the labia and say I will be here for quite a while. And so I kiss the labia majora, kind of, you know, get that to open up. Call the labia majora. The labia majora. Not cool. You tell me that. I hope you sing your labia majora kind of you know get that to open up the labia majora Yeah, not cool, but I hope you sing your labia majora. Yeah What can you feel now like a doctor test? He doesn't so medicinally like his father. Yeah He stole his father's time when you feel pressure That was the trigger you just get sad zapped, Bob. He's like,

someone's trying to sit in my chair. So you kissed a lady in Magyar. Then eventually that pussy kind of opens up a little bit, gets a little more. No, it does. No, it does. I've heard he misplied. I don't think you've ever seen a vagina in the background. It opens up. It opens up. It's like the face of the villain in Stranger Things. I did the demagnorgin.

Demagnorgin pussy. I'm feeling like deep was reading the Reddit thread and watching Stranger Things. I got a mixed up. That's good. Eleven. Yeah, and then you're like, I eat it upside down.

Oh my God. Dude, it doesn't open up. It opens you'll eat it upside down. Oh my god. Oh Open up it up. No, it doesn't it does open up. Oh, no, no, no, you're ready. It comes out. No, it does not I do things girls have type of these is this is pizza hands of this is because you haven't gotten it ready yet Yeah, no, here's the thing it does get swollen and wet. It doesn't open up That's what I'm saying though swollen cut then the can we take swollen? No, it's swell. It gets swell. That sounds like 1950s. How's your pussy? It's doing swell. Get on in there. Yeah, get swollen. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. When I do it does. I beat it up. Oh, fuck it. Metal pipe. Yeah. So wait, you're going through, you're going through, you're going through like, like streets of rage. It's fucking throwing knife at her. Yeah. Deep was doing a, yeah, okay, keep going. I want to hear what else advice this Reddit thread tie. Okay. So besides

the fact that vagina is open at this point in the activity, it will open up. It will open up. I'm gonna say, hello, I'm ready. Hi, Jimmy, you're telling me My mom pops out and keeps her to go ahead, right? Yeah. Okay, so I kind of work the left side, you know, I don't go to the clip. I kind of think, I... He's doing the like, it's like, it's doing crowd work. He's like, I work the left side, right side. I kind of see where people are from,

I ask if there's any birthdays in the vagina. I also... You're gonna work your back in the middle of the room? Like, it checks by, you gotta go back of the room. I'm gonna check the bottom of the room. I tell the pussy to give it up for the waitstaff. Works out the palm of the eggs. Oh yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna do some quick jokes.

You guys might see these on the next roast. Yeah, and so I think the place to start is the area between the entrance, the vagina hole yes and the labia majority entrance the you can't go specific to what's the term not to redge up before you know that is the actual vagina okay that is a vagina that's good to know okay so I look the area above the vagina below the clip what above theo Below the clay so the One way but it's the opposite the run way, but there's not

What do we need that then push it? Do we name it the deep poo? Are you looking my deep poo? I mean, this is such a small spot on you. Yeah, I have to that's a very specific spot to get Yeah, why why there is that what they told you? They told me that's how sometimes you find the clip, you run on that runway. Yeah, you're like, wait, wait, let me get the... Hold on, Lauren, does any of this end appealing to you? To be honest, I stopped listening about five minutes ago. No, I get what he's saying.

When I talked about hitting you, was that me? Yeah, that's what I like it to. Is that your more speed or is that it? Was it a head into the head board kind of deal or deep? Well like a head butt. Yeah. William, she's going to get a Scottish boyfriend. Lawton, I'm here to do two things to you.

Head butt, yeah. And each at us, you know, I just work a Scottish accent in and had nothing to do with the reference head butt. I know, but what is Scottish people head butt? That's how they fight because they not all have knives around. Yeah. Is it really? You don't have to have to put six. So they have to. Whoa. All right, Deepu. I know, but what it's got is people headbutt. That's how they fight because they not all have knives around yeah, is it really?

Oh I think we continue at the bottom of the list unless Lauren's going to an OB-GYN and then scope us just vague I like to say deep as that creepy over G. Why Yeah, why were you searching? Oh reddit to how to eat pussy. How'd you end up on that thread? Because, you know, I've eaten... O'Bean-Anthi subreddit. No, it wasn't. No, I was, I noticed I wasn't gradity, I didn't eat pussy, I needed some tips.

That's great, man. Yeah. I had a girlfriend once who didn't, she wasn't into blowjob, she didn't know how to do it, and then I was like, I would have, you know, fine, I'll deal with it. And then suddenly, like three weeks later, she just started going for it. I was wondering if she did some research. Really? Oh, it's such a hard one. I'll deal with it. And then suddenly like three weeks later, she just started going for us. I'm sure she did some research.

Really? That's a charm. What a take. Well, I mean, that would a good girl. Yeah, that's pretty good. It does sound so much less pathetic when she did it. Oh, so much less. Yeah, when you do it, you're like, you fuck.

Yeah, nerd. But you do it like get a life deal. How are you not married to her? Yeah, wow. She went and learned to skill. Yeah, I mean, I even had a girl that didn't know how to give head Since I was like a teenager girl when we're teenagers. None of them they had to give head out of my entire adult life I've dated two women who didn't do it and you're just kind of like do it at all just one

Both it was a couple times They got to do it. Yeah, they got to do it. I had a girl then swallow recently and that was weird You got it. It was like you got to see I haven't a girl like that to do I had a girl then swallow recently and that was weird you got it was like you got a see I haven't a girl like that to do that for a while. She have a spatoon next to the bed She did she spit my trash. I was like you came on her mouth and then take this out. Yeah, it's unsettling when they do that It's great I mean also here's my thing is when they make a face like they're eating garbage right? You're like all right Come on just pretend that you would join a little bit. Yeah

That was weird for me. I mean, you know, as well. Yeah. I don't know. Oh my God, I'm offended that you think my essence is that gross. Like, like what a kid, like what a kid eats. Like, a kid eats cottage cheese. Yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh We're like You like the taste to come Fine do you have you ever spit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Gage doesn't even swallow it doesn't go near your mouth Can I sure question really? Stomach acid kill it Well Lewis sounds like a sex that teacher in Queens high school like you can't get agent you stomach

Especially if you drink orange juice Lewis sounds like a sex ed teacher in Queens high school who like you can't get ancient you stomach Especially if you drink orange juice There's no such thing as stomach a Jim teacher from 86 before the disease had a name Listen to to lean bath houses You're not gonna catch it unless you get a hug from a gay man. You can't dudes don't do that unless Really guys don't Is it? Ah! It's so fucked up.

God, can you imagine it with that light? It makes us so much better. When you have a child, you look at a show like, how do people torture their kids like? You have that aspect, but you put that face on a grown woman. Why are they feeding the babies? It's right here. She's the one who manages the girl you're on a date with. I'm gonna lose it and she's an adult woman.

But then this face. Oh. Ah. Ah. Ah. He likes it. I'm imagining coming this baby's mouth, and it's making me unfilled up. Oh, stop.

You take the baby out of it. Same, are there different tastes in come of different ethnicities? Oh, excellent question. Thank you. I don't know. I don't know if it's ethnicities. Oh, you're a public and you only fuck white dudes. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, no, I don't think it's ethnicity

I think it's a lot about the purse like what they eat and stuff like that. I don't think it's I don't think it's like ethnic I don't think it's like I don't think it's a long ethnic lines before I'm about to get a blow job I only eat asparagus and pineapple. I don't have a battle royal on my Real sweet and savory Yeah, like a pain. People that eat a lot of fruit and are healthier, it's definitely different. It's better. It would be better, yeah, 100%.

Yeah. Is it salty? Yeah. Yeah. You've never tasted your own salty. Lauren, Lauren, can you stand at this conversation? It's salty. We're talking about salty.

I'm having an extra beer. So it's salty? It's salty. Like very salty? Not food-wise on par with what salty caramel Salt yeah, would you say it's salted caramel? I'd say it's like salted sweet like salty Yeah, it's well the Like salty. It's salty. Yeah.

It's salty and sweet. It's just delicious. So how are women not swallowing? Because, well, some kind of a jerk off in my own mouth. Yeah. Sometimes it shoots their back. You don't know that. Then it's easy to swallow.

Right. But then sometimes your com is like real thick. I don't know. I hate it. Is that your com? Oh. Hold on. I'm going to put it back in my mouth. Let me try to get some

I'm such a bad boy So wait you said sometimes it's chunk. It's like do them come I used to when I was younger Really yeah, yeah, yeah, sometimes it's really white and sometimes clear. Yeah White and then sometimes is clear. Yeah, yeah, I'm like clear with white. How much of a horror are you? I'm not a whole you fuck around a lot. I fuck around a decent man not a whole I assume you're you're probably in the 35th percentile for gaze. I don't know what that means where you don't I don't fuck nearly as much as the people It's like you don't fuck it's as much as the average but yeah fuck some more than a straight guy, but like yeah I don't know I don't I don't know what people are doing. I think that there's a lot of people That like there's dudes here that fucking I'm serious multiple times more Norman levels every night multiple times

Yeah, because dude dudes are just fucking That's what guys are 99th percentile, but that's their life. That's all they do like there's some gate That's why they stay in such good shape to go out and they drink they get fucked up and they fuck and that's all they do and that's it What is your theory on gay guys and good shape no offense, but like what is your theory? Oh, I mean, you know because it if you're whole the whole thing was about sex 100% yeah, so you weren't allowed like when you I think when you were You a while ago. Let's say the 80s even the 90s even probably early millennium like a while ago, let's say the 80s, even the 90s, even the 90s, even probably early millennium, like everything other than sex, you couldn't even do.

Like if you walked around, if you tried to make emotional connections with people, you would still do those things, but there would be such like, you know, a societal like, you know, so I think it became about sex, what any culture that's hyper-sexualized is generally gonna have people that are why they want to just look better it's like a talent

I'm trying to think of who else like you want to agree for like I need to stand out so I need to back yeah and I think it's even like there's and then there's like became different types of gay guys you became like bears and they became right right that's start happened because if for a while the gay dudes were like shaved that not only good shape But like shaved And then they were like oh then they were bears and they were like if you go to a gay bar You will see people that Encompass every different body type but I think it's just that one body It's also the media is like this is the one gay dude. We show you all the time. So you all go. Oh, yeah

That's the one oh like like what a cosmomo. Yeah I mean it's like oh yeah that's the guy. Yeah oh the black comedians loud and talking about whatever like oh that's the you show people that one archetype for so long. When did the variations come into play like when did like wings and bears and technology enabled all of it okay so yeah there's now a way because technology there's a term for everything now. Yeah there's like an app Bears before we like I have to stay in shape, but I'm really naturally I just want to be like bigger There's a term for it. I just feel like I think Doomsd it were bear stayed in the closet

A lot of the a lot of them maybe more masculine gay dude stayed in the closet because they could play it another way. And then one one technology, there was other people that were like you when you step into group. And the fetishes became a thing. But you're old enough where you grew up a majority. Like I just needed my fat and screamed the whole time. Like it was bread dough. We just needed it and screamed like that. Did that turn you on at all? No, it was weird, but that was, it was-

Was that a real thing? That's a real thing. That was your virginity? What? No. I thought it was gonna be a lot different than that. That was how we got Montreal. That was how we got everything.

That was how I got the thing on gas. That was just his meeting right there. He's just laying on the floor and his business man's going. So like, human cookie dough! That's my grando name is human cookie dough. But yeah, so I think technology was a big thing. And like, because if you were gay dude and everyone knew you were gay, you had to be gay.

But you had to be like in shape, that kind of gay? You had to, you would go out, you would dance, you would do drugs. And you don't dance. I like, can, I do. You do? Yeah, I can. That's the gay you had to you would go out you would dance you would do drugs and you don't dance I like can I do yeah I can that's the gazing about yeah, no, I mean it's like big J will dance like a fact I dancing It's not like no, they won't I've never seen J. I don't go like I don't dance Yeah, I'll dance you on Legion's great dance. He's a great dance. He's a good dancer than you know He won't go if there's a music on in a bar. He won't go on dance. No, I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm fun of me for dancing. Oh really? Because I was going now and he didn't even get in the pit for Slayer. Now they think about I mean yeah, even to garbage dance. Well, you did you got a few bits. Oh, you really garbage dancing. He wouldn't even do that So maybe he doesn't dance. Well, it's a good dancing, you know Oh, yeah, that's great. I mean if he wouldn't do that then maybe you're right. Maybe he won't dance I mean, I'm not gonna I'm not the guy that goes out and goes to a dance club. Probably.

You know? But that's also because I do stand up a lot so that my, my main, like if I wasn't doing stand up I would probably have more of like a social life where I was like I'd have to do more. Yeah I don't go out at all. I don't go out like I don't think I was a night in like watch it to be. Yeah right right so when I 100% I'd rather find somebody to hang out with at home, then go out anyway.

And do you bring do to home like that? I go to people's hall. I imagine all of your sex being port authority bathroom sex. No, not port authority bathroom sex. I'm glad you think that's literally what I imagine. Why do you imagine that? I don't know.

He feels like you have to be embarrassed about what you're doing so that you can go in. You're ashamed of it. With all his Republican senators in the port authority. I don't know he feels like you have to be embarrassed about what you're doing James With all his Republican senators in the Point of the day. I just now till you're not gonna say anything to my family. I'm gonna put you a pick on my Topped on my foot twice, which means I will be the one before I just researched when like Christian groups are coming through a town the one before I just research when like Christian groups are coming through town. I'm like 230. I'm like Tim can you reach for me? He's like I can't there's a convention.

They're having one of those conversion therapies. It's a police center field outside of the Javits Center. It's Fleet Week a big time for fucking here. The sailors get off. Yeah, I mean I think I think there's I think it's more for straight people but I think there's a there's a gay thing too. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, I'm just a think there's, I think it's more for straight people, but I think there's a, there's a gay thing too, 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm just a, but as someone that kind of grew up without the internet, because what were you like 11 when you got AOL? I'll be. Probably older than that. Yeah, older than that, but I'm saying like you said the technology, but the technology like made other gay men who weren't in shape and that kind of like loud like the stereotypical gay men.

And those, those, those dudes were always around. This is the thing. But I'm saying like was as being a young, closeted gay man was that like as the internet came out where you're like, oh cool, I'm all right. There's other like like, did you feel like alone and then like, oh, there's more people. No, I think I think not conforming to that stereotype of what a gay dude is and so in the entertainment business, they want you to be that. They want very much you to be like, hey, yes queen!

That's what they want. If you change that a nowhere, it just Tim shows up and he's like, girl, you're like, oh god, man. But that, I may have to, you know, but that's what they want because that's what makes people feel comfortable. It makes people feel comfortable. If you find out, like, that's what there's no- And I say that I'm gay and a comedy show that dudes in the back that are like, maybe I'm gay, like what is this?

Like, so there's a weirdness about sexuality. But I think it goes hand in hand on why there's no gay football players or why there's no, because people are ready to accept that. People are not ready to accept that, yeah. A straight seaming. Or just a, yeah, just a man that isn't flamboyantly gay and who just likes to have sex a second who doesn't love with men

Yeah, I like it. I like to know that my gay men are gay That's who want your gay men gay. I want them gay. That's like the next level I want a woman to be a woman. I want a man to be a man. I want a queer to be a queer. I think kids growing up I think this is weird spectrum of sexuality Well, like kids growing up now are very much not as fixed in those roles So that's wrong. That was watching in some of the shows. I think there's a lot more. I think there's a lot more.

A lot of things coming out of that closet when they're shooting stuff in there. There's a lot more college stories now than they're war, you know what I mean? I do like, there's a lot of things now where like, you know, kids are coming out very, very young, you know, there, I also hear stories about like,

Bonnie was talking about it on your podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This was a transgendered little kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's one of Colorado, they said, and it's old, but it's was a transgendered little kid. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's one of Colorado. They said, it's old. It's like a nine year old. But all the kids are cool with this little kid.

And I think it's great. It's just a different time because when I was a kid, we would have doused that child in gasoline. And you were also right. I would have thought, I would have bought the gasoline. You're also right. Don't waste the gasoline. Nice. Listen, we've only got one can I would afford the gasoline. You also have a radio. Don't waste the gasoline, Louis. All right, listen, we've only got one can of gas for the semester.

I'll take you this kid to the front. It's a strange kid. His mom said him off the siphon. That's how they've made money to Louis. Louis, did you go suck your sweet mom's money juice? Yeah. But I remember. I remember we had a rumor of one kid in high school that was gay.

He was obviously gay later. We found out. But like, it was it was like I heard I think his name is eight tonner something was I heard he was gay It's like no way see we had that was as close to we got we had a lesbian principal and and there was a group at my school Called glad which was gay lesbian activists. Yeah, we had glad as well. Yeah glad which is like a thing Which is very progressive for the 90s that they had that yeah That's what we had that too But we had a good ladies against asshole dikes. It was really like getting these people out of here. Get out of here, you queer!

But I think the people that have your pets, dikes. I think the group that's being the most by this are front-by women who need to be beard wives. Because now there's no more beard wives. They're coming out. Yeah, they can't get into that. So there's not the sad women who are to be beard wives. Yeah. Because now there's no more beard wives. Overcoming out. Yeah, they can't get into this. There's not the sad women who are like, I need a gay.

There's something. There's a fake. Yeah. My sister was a fake, for a while. She was overweight and insecure. So she would, she filled up on siphon gas. Yeah. You're not supposed to swallow it, Stupor.

Well, she would, she would like fall in love with gay guys. Yeah. So then she wouldn't feel like rejected. Yeah. There's nothing to do with that. That's why a lot of gay guys go into the priesthood because they have these if they're religious when you're raised You have this awful feelings like I'm evil for having these feelings You can kind of let me go into this field where I'm not allowed to explore them. Yeah that way. I'm not saying there's a lot of dudes I Do that and it's such a fucking nightmare. Yeah, psychologically It's just it's pure destruction

It's bad that those people are on a pulpit giving advice to other people Like the world works and it's like you're not even okay with your own thing Is that the man that aren't gay even the priest that aren't gay that are that just want to fuck women That's got a bit about his the Mormons told them or whatever he is Jehovah's told him You're not supposed to masturbate because you know what happened if you never masturbated Do you know what happened to your body goes no one does it's never happened That's they were telling me to never masturbate even though they've definitely have yeah What I mean, dude's where I know I feel like they're really gay all the time and they have chicks and I'm like really?

But there's a lot of I mean I think there's a lot of guys like that We are you gay? York that are it weirdly like like I've a dude There's a guy from New York that are weirdly like, I have a dude's after comedy shows come up to me and go, hey, you wanna hang out? And I said, okay, we exchanged phone numbers. And then they, which is weird, and then they text me about their girlfriend.

And it's like, oh, these are just like beta males at one friends. You know what it is? It's so fucking weird. I don't think so. I think they might be gay dudes. They might like you to take it out of it. But not even that dude, I think it's the hunt. You know, I'll do this all the

time. I'll be on the road and I'll be talking to a check afterwards. And I'll get her number due to happen with that fucking big black stripper. And then she says about boyfriend. And no, no, but she'll text me that she wants to fuck. And I kind of just get that. I just get the validation that I want to talk about it before I leave this game. But Lewis, getting out of that girl wanting to fuck him. Yeah, was one of the funniest things I've ever heard Lewis say on the phone Yeah, cuz he's just on the phone like no, I'd love to fuck your pussy great. I'm just sleeping No, I'd love to wear you out baby. I want to fucking so good with my cock. I want to eat your pussy. I'm sleepy I know good with my cock. I want to eat your pussy. He'll put him on sleeping.

He's like, you can just hear on the other end, like, let me come suck that dick. Oh no, I'd love to. I gotta get a big huge booted black eye shadow stripper in Detroit, and I've never seen two personalities just mesh perfectly together. And the personalities, why it's like Lewis put his hand up to a mirror, like, here you are, my black whale.

Dude, she fucking fucking she was terrifying. Yeah, she like tattoos all over her huge ass. Oh, she's like look at my booty just in Lewis's face. Very confident. Yeah, it was crazy. Confidence was uncharted. I've never seen it. Yeah. But yeah, um, to get out of fucking, but no, I think that, uh, you think that's what I got you. You'll text him and then they go like, oh shit like that. They weird. like I was. Do you think they were gay? Do you think they were not gay? I think it's some dudes in our gay. I think there's just a lot of weird like beta male dudes who want friends want people like it's a weird Like I'm I mean I wouldn't mind being friends with a gay guy. Yeah, no, no, I understand that but it's like I got one It's Tim. We're good. It's weird. It's it's weird when you go up to if I went out if you were straight

Yeah, and you went up to a girl after a comedy show. Yeah, and you said here's my number. Let's hang out That's kind of the implication that means I'm gonna date well not that but the implication there is like that's I want to hook up That's more than I think you know For me develop organically. Yeah, it's not like somebody comes up to you I'd love to be your friend like what? That's what the kind of the age ring right now So to me, yeah, do that sometimes I just guys or whatever the black guy was showing out. It's like what right right right.

Right. Right. I've had fans right. Didn't say. I'm we were we were children. I would let you on fire right now. I see people come up to Ariadde to stand and it's very we like it's familiar with the like.

No, that's a little different. It's a fan's yeah fans that want to like that happens all the time We would be friends like yeah, and it has happened naturally. You're not letting it happen naturally Not again. I've had a guy do a favor for me like just like hey, let me get you know He like helped me do this thing. I wanted to buy and he like had it and he like listens to he's heard me on podcasts And then all of a sudden just now texts me like we grew up together I'm like I ignored a bunch of times. Keeps text me and finally I'm like yeah, do you stop? I don't know you what did you say you just let into somebody a few times and you slow you get into a conversation

I mean, that's how any of us became friends, right? You see each other I remember when you were coming out from LA. I'd say hello a couple times and then just over time Yeah, me and Ari we went me you and Dave Smith went to you You got to like met first here. Yeah diners on the upper west side after stand up New York. Yeah, I was like when you was till barking. Yeah Like right when I first started it. That's what it is. That's what all friendships are It's just it's organically like you guys want to you get it's like yeah, I'm in town I'll come with you guys because there's some people

I was crazy is when you hang out with a person you don't want to be their friend and they're like why are we hanging out? You like because you suck care for you. I don't like the way your personality works. Yeah, deep who. I realize that one. We just reading another Reddit thread on eating butt. I've never had something that you can't tell anybody about. You're like, I can only tell them like my real friends about it. And then you start to go to the phone and like, holy shit dude, I only have two real friends.

It's a deep, dark. Yeah, it's a bit like. It's weird, it's like when you have like a real friend and you have a talk to him in a long time and then you're like, are we not real friends anymore? I'm sorry to check in. Did I not renew my policy? I'm just not friends with anybody really, that's not a comic anymore.

Okay. Sometimes you call somebody and then and then you go back and talk. I'm from Friendland, like a acquaintance with, I'll go home from high school and we'll go to a diner or something and we'll hang out a little bit. But it's like, you know, like a friend,

what do I fucking try? You try to get them to subscribe the entire time You use a promo code you get sit off the entire network Can't subscribe help us out on I do I mean they're telling you they have cancer Guys, um should we take a break or keep going? It's pushed to two. Yeah, we just keep going. We're at an hour four minutes right now. So if you want to tell me how long do you normally go? Well, Bobby does six hour. I don't know if you've seen Francis Ford Kelly, but he does He does it all. He does 19 hour podcast. You know, there are multiple bottles of water in this studio.

But I just want him to drink mine. Oh, okay. Fun. I think he's been drinking it. Yeah, but I just want him to drink mine. Oh, okay. Fun. I think he's been drinking it. Yeah, got it. All right. How do you eat pussy? Did you answer that? All right.

Why'd you say it's a, a quizzatory? I'm a one of my own. He says you got shit. Yeah, my reddish is good. I'm going to start from behind, gun to guy. You always goes behind. I like that. I'm stomachs.

No, I like standing up, kissing, turn them around, bend bend them over pull down the shorts and get in there get in there And I'll tell you this you start an ass eating. Oh, it turns into it But I'll tell you this if it's done with the proper timing ramps the women up very quickly And also I like to go around on the front and play with the clip with my thumb on the front as I'm going for behind Is that a proper technique? Yeah, I think that was the best. I gotta say, you talked with this one time on a podcast on WKWD and I did it with my ex. I did, I never ate from behind. It's all about that. I'll tell you what it is. Sometimes it creeps girls out. No, it's good. But some girls, I bet it was the best. Nah, you should definitely do that.

But I bet with other girls who are like, what are you doing? What are you doing? I'm not going to stick my dick in your butt. I'm going to eat your pussy from behind. I was saying he asked my method. And I said I start kissing and I turn around, bend him over. You always start from behind. Always start from behind.

And then what I'll do is, if I and that if it's a treat if I flip over What if you've been out all day? I'm gonna fuck you down my mouth down here. John knows is like that. It's flattened against their asshole I'll tell you this I was built to eat pussy from behind God was like I'll give him the face like a Roman helmet in order for him to do battle Bustle battle from behind. I'm like a like how Rams are built to fucking slander My nose was smashed down into my upper lip and I couldn't smell anything either Battle whistle battle from behind. I'm like a like how Rams are built to fucking slander I know it was smashed down into my upper lip and I didn't smell anything either

I would have to do no smell and I can breathe the whole time. I'm like a awful man of eating pussy If you talk to fish. Yeah, Lewis has a car. Yeah Hold on hold on my arms to sleep. I'm back. Yeah, I get in I um, so that's my method Cool good. Yeah right to the point direct. Yeah, what about you Ari? I'll uh, start with a with a nice dinner Or something you know something exotic he eats in front of her Yeah, I think it's like this. He's like I want to get my breath right Yeah, it's a garlic so you're posting same thing before dinner We just like immediately fuck you by the door. So with the condom so like just so you're pussed things. Even before dinner, we just like immediately fuck you by the door, so with a condom, so like just,

so you know, this is gonna happen. Don't be worried about it. Let's go get something nice. Let me come home. That'd be great if you could just get a like a grudge fuck right out of the way. Wait, isn't that, I think why don't you just fuck this fucking thing like let's go eat.

But you're actually a good time. Oh yeah, and you'll find out a lot about the purchase. That happened one time. I got a rub-and-tug once and the girl jerked me off before the massage and I was like, wow, wouldn't a, wouldn't a first, what a much better take to the dessert. Yeah, you're not worried the whole time. You're not thinking about it, like, yeah, you want to enjoy the massage, you want to have

a boner, come and quick, you're like, hey, so. But most guys like to get blown first, isn't that like more. But we're talking about before the whole day, usually they massage you for a while and then it's like, are you just gonna happen? You're gonna butter you like you're lying on your stomach with a boner and it hurts You're like, oh just fucking flip me over and jerk me off But now you focus on how great the massage is and that's almost an analogy for your dates in area Oh Louis only doesn't get the blow job because it costs extra. He's got a child to feed So he's got it. Yeah, he's saving up. That was James, I think.

Sometimes I kill two birds with one stone, just feed him. Yeah. So then we come home, and I say, I'll see you catch fuck first, then have a nice dinner. I just, like, let's get out of the way. Then we have a nice dinner, and we come home. I go, you get comfortable, I'm gonna run the bath for you. Oh.

And then I go. Wipe you down a little bit. Well, they're Jews, there's like a weird thing, like a molder film on their body. So. And then as you're getting comfortable on the bath, really enjoying it, and little bit. Well there's Jews, there's like a weird thing, like a molder film on their body, so. Yeah, and then as you're getting comfortable and the bath really enjoying it, and I'm rubbing it down. You trying to toaster in?

I'm gonna grab you by your hair. Grab your hair and violently yank you out of the tub. It's gonna stab it! Just kicking you out of the tunnel. Just wet feet kicking out of it, we'll know you're full. What are you doing, man? I'm trying to get across the floor.

I felt gravity's risk to stop the pain. What are you doing? As you hear it feel a slap across the face. Don't ask questions, I'm a control. She goes, I was in that bathroom so wide. This is very similar to mine. This is pretty neat. Knees over your head, I get in there,

and I feel what you're into. I go, Clint, Paul, get all sorts of stuff. And tell us what you're going for. He's pretty. But he's mom is gonna miss me. My mom is gonna miss me. My mom is gonna miss me. My mom is gonna miss me.

That's once I'm satisfied you feel like it's my game and you're playing it. I just imagine Ari goes, how's the bath? He like ducks down or he's having a bath? How's that bath? And then he goes, you're in my world now And I take fingers and I put them inside your posts as my fake as my tongue is on your clip I go back and forth like that. I'll grab grab one boob pretty hard back and forth See the whole boob then just take a take a take on the nipple

Yeah, and then when you're like that hurts like then I choke you hard the nipple yeah and then when you're like that hurts like then I choke you hard I want to feel your your hand try to pry my hand off your neck and you don't get it off It sounds like it's working for Lord. This could be a Jersey thing You don't get it off right away and then I stick my tongue into your deep as deep as I can I got a long tongue into your hole Puzzie yeah go all the way in yeah see fucker with your tongue yeah And I'll take my thumb on the on the on the clip. I go back and forth tongue in

the clip hand inside. That's a great. That's a hand inside. Finger on the. That's a classic one to one finger inside. Yeah. The the I'll go one finger to first. I'll I'll I'll wait a way to you want more. And then I'll go to a deep in there. And you do the premiere. Obviously everyone is a premiere. Then you do you spread your fingers once they're inside. Once a while once in a while. you try to mix it up, you're trying to mix it up. You want to hear where she's into, you

know, that's what you want to like get it, get it, get it listening to the ground like an old mate of America. Yeah, I can taste your plate. And then you're like, whatever you'd like the best of that, more of that. But still, you don't get a hundred percent of anything. Oh, go back and forth. I like your real world pussy eating technique. Yeah, then we go to the bed. Then the bed. Yeah.

So this was just gonna happen. The wet linoleum floor after you're the actor. Yeah, after you, she's on your fucking carpet. After you've yanked her wet body out of the bath. It's made that soft thud. Ow, my hip, ow, are you seriously my hip? He's trying to drag her, she's not into it anymore. Seriously, you hurt my hip when you dragged me out of,

I'm not into this Yeah, that's I think sex first dates need to start being commonplace Such thing is going I mean that's one thing about that way for it That really is a cruel thing. Yeah, where they're like oh, man. I've had yeah Because then once you know you're gonna fuck, I just went out with a girl who we kind of lost touch. I left town for the winter and then I went out of town. I just lost touch after like last November. So I think she had a boyfriend of the interim. Then we went out, we had already fucked up a bunch of times.

And then this time we just went out, didn't make out, didn't do anything, just went out in a nice state, but we both knew what was gonna happen. Yeah. So it was like, it was a nice state, we just kind of built to it. It's like someone we got back. He was on. Yeah.

The build up is crucial. If you know where it's going to go, if you're left like, is this going to even happen? It's a lot more frustrating. Yeah. Here's my thing. I'm not single now, but when I was single, like I would always be trying to like work on like three

different sets of pussy at the same time. Sets of pussy. Why would multiple pussy's have to say? No, I mean, like I would be trying to like, let's say I'm at a show and there's like two different girls I'm trying to fuck. I would literally up until the last moment, I would still try to play both of them a thulking.

Like Bill Bellamy and how to be a player. Yeah, that's a problem with Tinder. You go to the bathroom, they're fucking quickly swiping trying to hook up some other day. Yeah. You lost in this lady. Yeah. That's great, really?

Oh yeah, and dudes do it too Yeah, no one's fucking really enjoying it like Bumble, I'm gonna get back are you on bumble? Yeah, bumble's great. Bumble's the best. Are you on bumble? Yeah? I love I love Mark Norman's version of bumble cuz he's like He's like oh, it's the girl which I first was yeah now you come up with something witty you fucking dick Yeah, it's great you come up with something and they never they go thing he goes all they do is go How was your week? Fuck you, work harder. Yeah.

You all say that. I was just a little girl. I'm like, that's what you're opening with. Or they're like, hi. Just 18 or 15. What are you open with, or sometimes they go, oh, tell me something funny. It's like, no bitch, you tell me something funny.

I would make me furious. If the guy's hot enough, I'll just ask him out, which it only happened once. That, I'll be like, I don't know, I got to show this face. That's cool. I'll be uncomfortable together. Yeah, which it only happened once. That you all are like, I don't know what you're going to do. Yeah, I'm comfortable together. Instead of over, over. Was he like, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, of course. A meeting is number like immediately and then we went out that night. That's what you do. We're both saying, hey, we're both attracted. Yeah, you're actually, yeah, I said I'm going to be able to make it. Last night, I had a battle out.

Last night, I just talked to a girl, a bumble within 10 minutes of conversation. I just had a date for Sunday. I was like, I'm not going to keep doing this. And I went like, I turned around, I looked at my dad, I go, boom. Put it on the calendar. That's how you do a dad, dad. Put a gold star on the calendar. Pass it up, Liva.

But when you go on those dates, like you have to, you basically like, fuck the first time. Really? Yeah. It's not like, it's not like you're an asshole. I don't like you at all. They don't you do this.

But you go with the idea that we're gonna fuck, you We only talk stuff out of this. Let's just get comfortable So Number got shot you guys went out number banged and then that's a fucking wow You would kill it a mumbo because all you gotta do is put a picture of you on the commie central or something like that a little bit of a talk What's that nothing? We'll clean the audio What's that nothing? We'll clean the audio

I'm amazed by that you would do great though. Just put a picture of you in commie central You just can't say you just can't say a lot of guys put their picture with Conan as their tender picture All come me I won't say who but a lot of you guys are on there. Yeah, I'm on yeah, yeah, I saw you so you just wipe right you horn How hard break is that I used to swipe when I saw Not even on an early tender. I would swipe just be like, haha you're out here too right But with a little bit of thought in your head of like that's the best We go like yeah, you get like a like you like ha what are you then they don't like back? You like my girls just don't want to learn can make sure false girls don't want you just be like Oh, I find both into it. Let's fuck it's like no, let's just go on a fucking one drink, idiot. Yeah, it's one drink.

Yeah, and you go, I'm smell the dust. Like the guys in the creep, yeah. I don't want to go. I'm nervous if a girl comes over, not for like getting robbed, but I'm like, let's just fucking know each other. It's, I'm new to it. Right, I'm not worried.

I'm talking. Yeah, you have to hang out a little bit, not just be like, well, unless you have already fucked it, then you're like, watch your show. Yeah, I mean, look at that. By the way, there's a, that's a thing in itself. Like don't, not just be like, well, unless you have already fucked it, then you're like watching. Yeah, I mean, look at that. By the way, that's a thing in itself. Don't get me wrong, I've met girls at a bar

and we've been talking for a minute and I'm like, hey, let's go fucking the bathroom right now and they've done it, right? But that's like, that's the real one. What's the real one? Yeah, can you do the bar from roadwines? I'm just doing one thing. All right, so I've been watching you have your drink that you prayed for. What do you think bar from road lines? Did have New York. I'm just doing a big thing. I mean, so this, I've been watching you have your drink

that you prayed for. What do you think we have around him? Yeah, a bathroom. And they're down with it? Yeah, I've had that a handful of times. I wish brought this up. It's one of them now. It's going to tone on.

Sorry. What motivational ringtone? It's Dan Soder, my friend. That's a good thing. I wrote lyrics to my ringtone. And it's usually what? Beat it. What are you doing?

Was it business? I know. It was business. It's ain't no date scientist. It's always business. I only have two friends. Are you on Bumble? I am, but I'm more old school.

I define people in person. You're more old school on Bumble? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm old school on Bumble. I'm on it, but I find people in person. You're an old school on Bumble. I'm old school on Bumble, I'm on it, but I find people in there. I'm mid 2016 on Bumble. Deepo picked up a chick at my show last week. Yeah, I'm seeing her now. Wow, really. Yeah, she was in the best relationship.

She was in the best relationship. Yeah. I don't know. He just put a black bag over her head, picked her up over her shoulder. I have no idea how to pick up a girl that is not a fan already Yeah, I it's just like I don't feel comfortable long. I'm like I don't what am I gonna say? I just gotta recognize the sign I don't feel comfortable recognize the buying sign. It's when you're in sales People will give you buying signs, right?

So we'll say something just have seen you on stage Mm-hmm. I prefer if they have it would just go up to a girl like a fucking orthodontist and be like, we should go, oh yeah. I think I'd much rather do that. If I just saw a girl in public, I'm like, hey, what's your name? No, it makes it easier. Look, when you're on stage, you've already broken the ice.

They already have a piece of you. They look up to you. They're putting you on a pedestal in a weird way. Because what we're doing in real life is we're putting women on a pedestal constantly. Yeah. Put the pussy on the pedestal, right? So that's what we do.

So we get to flip the script for a minute and it does weirdly break the ice. I make it easier for the metaphor. Yeah. That's where he got it from. That's where he understood. Yeah, he didn't actually mean grab a woman's vagina. I think he meant like grab.

I don't think he meant that. No, I think he, I don't care what he meant. I think it's a statement that means, you know, go for it hard. Go for it and lead in a sexual way. You know, get their attention. It's fucking Emerson quote. Yeah. It's fucking Trump said grab them by the pussy. He didn't. No, he didn't mean that. Literally. He meant there's a subtext to it. He wasn't advocating people go in assault women Yeah, when you're going to grab it you grab it by the balls. It's the same thing Yeah, take life by the balls take life by the balls That's a brilliant point

It's piggybacking a brilliant point. It's a Brilliant point he makes brilliant points. I'm off I'm off for me to jump he does not mean that literally I'm an idiot Savon. Thank you Tim Nobody nobody thinks he met that literally I don't think he met I think you don't like it But you're just I think you met like put his hand on a woman's pussy stop it, Dan. You really don't believe me He said kiss you and grab them how why am I an idiot for thinking he meant that literally For when the first two senses before that were he kisses

I'm gonna use some grab them grab them them by the push down. I'm not for thinking that I'm mentally. Then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, if you took one hour of any of our conversation in life privately, we would say so much worse shit. We're trying to act like an hour of my footage is just dangerous. I don't like Trump, but you could be put on for war crimes if they did an hour Like men don't talk that way it's like crazy. It was it was it was fucking Of course man, it was man you talk like that. I'm not saying that me and Rob's oh my god me and we went on ship rock last year remember we closed the door and we took out all the alcohol

We snuck out of the boat and we started jumping up and down screaming the word of rape And Ron May is on Facebook going I can't believe Trump would say something like that We had a rape chant on the fucking boat. Don't you remember the rape chant of the high scenes? Yeah, he wasn't giving a seminar of the high seas. Yeah, he wasn't giving a seminar on what is supposed to do with what I'm saying. He's a crude guy. He was a vulgar remark, but I think people are saying that he was advocating sexual. So I think that's a jump.

That's a leap. That's a jump. That is a jump. I wasn't saying he was advocating sexual. So I was saying he, I think he literally meant like sometimes you can grab women just like grabbed by the pussy. No, I think he was talking figuratively. I think it was like, yeah, do you grab by the pussy? You I don't know what's up

You learn from the fucking man. It's all about the whole yeah, that's my way of saying that's really it Okay, that's your new way of saying. I mean look. It's just it's just all stupid He I'm ready to love this is just such a stupid little thing We're acting like this is the end of his if this is the thing that puts anybody over the edge They're a fucking moron. Yeah, okay like this is is just you know he's a he's a you're sent back to the crew guy right he's not presidential that's i think a problem i think you need to fucking you say that like i want my president talking like regular dudes talk yeah remind me i like my president's raping people in private

sending sending private investigators to their rape victims and destroying their lives privately. I've got balls out move that trump takes the six the six uh got women who accused kind of raping them gangster. Yeah. Dylan had the greatest face with face. I said if you don't think that's funny nothing. It's great. I love that Hillary Clinton. I was going is going you know uh Russia's trying to get involved in our elections. And it's like, Hillary, that's what you did as Secretary of State and other countries.

To every country. Yeah, that's how you do it. South America, all you do. Yeah, is trying to get involved in their elections. It's like, but guys are like, I think you're cheating on me. It's like, because you're cheating, is that like? I love that. What's up, it was amazing in that debate.

It's like, he basically says, listen, your husband's a rapist. And like, there's no human emotion in her that wants, that says, no, no, no, my husband's not a rapist and like there's no human emotion in her that wants that That says no no my husband's not a rapist. She just has that quote, you know from Obama where she's like well when you go low We go high and say what would have married it a response like if if Trump was like your husband's a murderer She's like, man, you go low. We go high like your husband's Genocidal maniacal you go low. We go high like and what do you mean we you go you go low we go high you just went low Response to it which you you know he was like look I apologize

He was like but there's real shit happy I mean the dude That's a Smashing I say wow he did well I think it's a 60 40 he did well he did well he did he had a 45 When we're talking about taxes and they were talking about all the finance stuff He sounded like like she was literally just repeating these very basic talking points. Let's get America working Yeah, your husband's a rapist. Let's get America back to work What the fuck are you even in the moment of what's happening right now the hardest For women who you destroyed or staring at you.

Yeah, there was two great memes. One was Bill Clinton's with a good girl. Yeah, yeah. And then another one. And she's like reciting these trumps. She's like, if we work together, what the fuck? We are being led in this country by sociopaths and crazy people.

But that's who gets in a poll? That's who gets in. And that's like when NFL players beat their wives are like right how could it hit the rail living to get another man brain damage and now his wife high five because somebody's fucking a vegetable that is why his wife by the way is fucking him primarily they're gone they're gone yeah they don't tell me their wives maybe a few of them are in love yeah most of them are like I got my house I got my car. Sometimes he wakes up at the middle of the night

and picks up a dresser and throws it at me. Kind of the game, we got it. You got to take it, it's a nice dresser. And to no dresser and he's been doing his deadlifts. Because he's got to, to see the terminators too, where they're just putting each other through the drywall. But that's what it is. It's like that's what you're like, gotta be,

be a T1000, just T his T, you know? Bit slap, rap that's what beat you're like got to beat beat T1000 to T his T800. It's slap-rapping and you're cocaine tongue. Yeah. Just chasing her in a big ring. Yeah. It was kind of dirt bike. What's her three kids? She lives her kid off the dirt bike. Daddy just got cut by the Titans. Titans This is a fucking thing it's the same thing all politicians are scumbag murderers. Yes, and all NFL players are fucking barbarians Ah fuck that was a fun episode We're done. Yeah, fuck up deep who 123. That's nothing. That's early. You know what I did when I fucking hosted you went like two hours right over two hours like two and a half cool You stole a lot of the career

Everyone listening right now is gonna want more of this podcast. That's why we're gonna stuff. They wanted more last time That was like yeah, I mean You weren't even here school. I was you weren't even oh you shut up. Why are you wearing? That's like 80s gym sweatshirt Pons and fronch are you bigger? You've beens gym sweatshirt? Exactly. That's a fun and fun shit. Are you bigger than working out? Yeah, you're getting bigger. No, I haven't really been working out at all. I'm getting a snowball.

I'm getting a pomp. You are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fun to make fun sweatshirt. Fuck you, Scopo. Fuck you, Scopo. That's two plugs. RobertkelliLive.com to see where Bobby's going to be.

And oh, you actually have the dates. I forgot you guys do that. We'll get to, we'll, let's's do Bobby live. It's his podcast. I will be what is this come out next Monday? Sunday. This Sunday. This Sunday I am gonna be in Long Island with Tim Dylan. We're gonna be at McGuire's Friday classic. I don't think we are. Are we? I thought brokerage. No we are. Oh that's gonna be yeah we're doing McGuire's on the brokerage. Tim Dylan. I forget about those. be yeah, we're doing Maguire's on the brokers Tim Dylan I get about those Yeah, we're gonna get Maguire's on Friday the two shows at governors in Levittown on Saturday Dan Soder dot com for tickets

You can follow me at dance order and listen to the bonfire Mondays and Wednesday 6th APM on serious satellite radio Archie fear what are you? Someone who grew up not around here? Levittown sounds like a made up Long Island name. If I tell you what's the name. Where were you, Levit Town? It is like Nightmare over there. Yeah, or are you gonna be? Well, the important thing is to know is that my new TV show is back.

Yeah! Thursday nights at midnight Eastern, 11 o'clock Central, and then the rest. I guess we've already done one week. You can see it on the Comedy Central app or you can see it on a Comedy Central television. Every Thursday night after that midnight. Watch it.

We got a lot of great comics and Brian Regan's doing it this year. Got a lot of returning ones. Big J. Watch the preview, man. It looks fucking awesome. Yeah. It looks all Julie McCullough's on their toned great story.

I mean, there's a lot of great people. Aaron Berg. Berg. There's Joe List. Joe List Aaron Berg Berg there's a Joe list Joe list classic You know what dude to check that out. This is not happening Yeah, what's the guy? I can't remember from baskets. What's his name? I can't really Anderson the way Anderson. Yeah. Yeah And then I'll be October 18th in New York in Brooklyn

I'm doing the bellhouse and then I'm taping my special in Austin, Texas November 2nd to the 5th for anywhere around Austin. Cap City? Cap City. Get to get to rEtheGreat.com and that's it. Lewis, what do you got? I got a bunch of stuff. I got a go to gommascomedy.com. I know that I'm in Rhode Island Providence Comedy Connection in December.

I think I got a gig in Long Island. November gommascomedy.com. Go on my comedy on Instagram. Check out the countdown every Thursday, Long Island. NovemberGOMASCombady.com, GOMASCombady on Instagram. Check out the countdown. Every Thursday, 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time with myself and Michael Bispig, the UFC Middle Way Champion who just successfully defended his title. Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Who's scary dude. It's a great way to let the guy who beat him send him out. It's like, all right, we had a war. Yeah, especially with that extra punch at the end. Yeah. And then a war, a five round war.

Fucking great. So also check out obviously on the guest digital network legion of Skanks podcast Wednesdays at 9 p.m. Eastern real-ass podcast every Wednesday at 12 noon Eastern and Also the roast masters that we do it every other week at the stand. I hosted tournaments going on right now What's going on? Yeah, who's you pick? I think finals in my opinion is gonna be Zach versus Evan Williams That's what do you think? Yeah, I think and then And then I'm like, why am I overlooking Zach? Of course Zach. Zach, I'm not saying.

But nobody wants to exact his obvious choice. Well Zach is, he's also taking it very, very, very seriously. Some of those things that he's told. Yeah. Can you get those off into this weird world where he's almost like, like, it's like, it's like, it's like when Frank, the tank debates in old school. I mean, he's like, he blacks out. Similar studies have shown.

Yeah. I'm sorry, what happened, blackout. That's how you how you debate yeah, it was it's a lot of fun And we actually we have the live stream on gas digital network sort of guest is on that work calm You guys can watch it live every other Tuesday the next one will be on the 18th run bannington and Robert Kelly will both Tim Dylan what do you got all right if you like debates and you like comedy at the stand Our podcast Tim Dylan's going to help me and Ray comp like comedy at the stand, our podcast, Tim Dill is going to help me and Ray Cump are coming to the stand on Wednesday, October 19th.

We're gonna show the presidential debate to final debate. Trump has nothing to lose. He's down in all the polls. Yeah. What did you think? I thought Dave Smith was doing the debates. He was the last one.

He was the last one. Trump has nothing to lose. I hope he goes into who killed Kennedy and just crazy stuff. I love it. I'm gonna show you all like what are you doing to real? Here's the deal. He's coming into that debate with nothing to lose. I hope he goes into like who killed Kennedy and just crazy stuff Here's a deal he's coming into that debate with nothing to lose now imagine a guy like Trump with nothing to lose Yeah, that's gonna be fast. I hope he goes and says what are your plans on Syria? Please tell us your exact plan. You even have to the American people are so dumb Oh, she really has to say we're gonna get everyone back to work together

In Syria She really has to say we're gonna get everyone back to we're gonna work together in Syria We're so funny guys like you're talking to a four-year-old. It's my uncle had a great quote It goes to people are too dumb to be governed like they can't even get through it's it's I am an idiot You want to see a real nightmare October 28th at Columbia University. That's gonna be a real shock for both of us And Gestigial.com Tim Dylan's going to help podcast on iTunes rate, subscribe, thank you. Chris Scopo. This Saturday I bet Gotham, comedy club, I'll get you that out and I'll be on red item or night. Hey!

Scopo make me grow up, damn you! They grow up, they grow up, and they grow up. How it comes up? Congratulations. If you guys like Scopos, not existing commentary on the Wait, I'm gonna talk about tomorrow. Skopos, come on over to our right jokes. Watch a lot of blinking and head movement. Skopos said nothing about the debates. We talked about it just now. You're gonna do it, dude. Hey, get comfortable. Go on there.

Push him around. I don't know. I don't give a fuck. You don't give a fuck. Where is I love to see it? Lauren. What's up? What do you have just at Lauren Kubara and I'm gonna read Bobby's dates. Tomorrow he's doing a sexy voice. No. Almost break up with the girlfriend, but it's over, but it hasn't been officially over. Everybody's having a joke. Yeah, it's funny. Yeah, we try to make a joke about the relationship. We're like, yeah, it's not like I'm going to miss your mom, right? She's like, okay. Sorry, I look at time to eat. No.

Yeah. 13th, he's going to be at side splitters in Tampa. 14th and 15th as well. And then just go to Robert Kelly live.com for the rest of his dates. There it is. Deepo, what do you got? At R2D for a pussy, I think. I'm gonna take all these tips from you guys. I appreciate that. I'm gonna, he's gonna transcribe them down and then go through it and post it to the Reddit. I'll play the live stream for her of this episode.

I'm gonna try all these. I'm gonna do an audio queue. Yeah, that's it. Alright, great. Well, this was, you know what, dude, without the dude, the disciple of dudes. Thanks for watching. Listening. Subscribe, rate, and do all that stuff, right? Is that what he says? Bobby's eating his third lunch right now. He's like a hobbit. All right. Yeah. All right. that's it. See you. con volotea, la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, monumentos, rincones de película y un sincindia aventuras desesperan. ¡Fliparás!

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