Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Dixie Cup

Episode Date: July 4, 2016

This week on YKWD: We have Joe List, Luis J Gomez, Sean McCarthy , and Kelly Fastuca! Just days following Skankfest, we talk about what a great job Luis did with the festival. Bobby then pulls out a gun and calls it "The Rattlesnake Killer". Speaking of killers, the guest we have sitting in looks like a murderer and is scaring everyone in the room. PLUS, a surprise drop in from Rich Vos and Bonnie Mcfarlane! Watch / Listen and enjoy!    RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 rados. ¿Yor listening to Robert Kelly's? ¿Y no lo sé, dude? ¡On the Riotcast Network! Riotcast.com.

¡Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth! This is going to be a cost of art. This podcast has no rules. I'm gonna go to the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it? Can I get a microphone? No, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head.

I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down and he happens. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Way both sides of the coin. That's how in a hoax, does you love a part of it? Topics no directions. I love doing it Podcasts popular I might affect somebody's life. You never know No, that's really three of you guys. I just bought it. That's really nice of you to all say that.

I bought it. I've lived in Gales, and that's amazing. You've said all those nice things for the show. We just speed on me during the intern. Okay. Why? I thought you were talking about yourself. They needed attention in some way.

Well, you guys got off. She looked like she was sweating, so I spit water at her. She always says she's sweating. I am sweating. That's what it is. All right, let's go to the first of all. This is going to be a weird show. I can already tell. Just the energies off, Joe's off. No, Joe's on already. I'm breaking the heat. I got the best shirt you've ever seen on. That shirt is ridiculous. No, he killer. Scobo. Let's introduce the room from here down. Oh, we have you know his left to right Deepo the man

First because you know what it's proper Joe fucking dick face I'm introducing deep who deep who Thanks for introducing me. I have no problem. Good on you Chris You just lost 10% of your viewers because like alright this is taking too long he's fast he's on the show shut up I would go to show him next but you fucking whoa yeah till you fuck a java java you introduce somebody less famous than people great I lose to us have a place you should have started with our guests we always start with our guests and we do the crew at the end

I know none of us are on the fame spectrum Zero percent that's not true. Oh, boy. What are you talking about? I'm infamous. That's different Can you have Joe? Can you get Sean? Did you say Sean? I said Sean. Yes, you said Sean. I'll like the website Thanks, right? I don't upload the comics comic. Yes, that's the comics comic. Yes You're in the podcast and as a podcast. Yeah the comic comic. From the comics comic, yes. Yes, you're in the podcast. And it has a podcast. Yeah, the comic comic presents lasting first. Yeah, very original.

I know. You just did it. I know I had those fours to listen. Welcome to the show. You're on the show before. Yeah, I've seen it in a couple different furnishings. You started at the beginning when we first get up here. And then you start when we made it kind of a studio,

and now it's... It looks legit, no. It's legit, it is, it actually is. It's not, no, it's no more smoke and mirrors. We just hang blankets up everywhere, and frame in every shot. There'd be like a book of some weird fucking gnome computer sticking out.

No more smoke and mirrors, it looks like there's no mirrors anywhere in your life. Oh! Next up, we have a Joe list. Hey, apparently he's fucking perfectly fine. That's in the shirt. Yeah, we got this shirt. He wore that shirt for the coming central roast battle. I'm still in roast mode.

Look out, everybody. Hey, you gave! I'm all roasted up, baby. That shirt is just awful. It looks like something Josie in the pussycats would wear. I'd say your own chasing for you. That's because fucking Lewis was somewhere on another planet.

Pay attention. I'm paying attention. It was not funny. We got Lewis. We got Lewis Gomez. Okay. Yeah, really dude. I'll bet you right in your fucking glasses. It's funny. It's funny when we don't say the J because you still get mad. You know what I say? I say Lewis, gay Gomez really stick it to him. Rose code. I know he's going to have a fucking heart attack here that laughter there.

My God. She's just cancer laugh. What do you fucking smoke on Australian cigarettes? I miss Jay. What you gonna say this? Blue Shay Gomez, AK, the fucking Porter. We're going to rattlesnake the Jones out of comedy. I want to see Joe.

John. Are you going to Jones Beach to see Joe Jada. Are you going to Joe's beach to see her? No, that bitch is going to be a man. The black knight. You can't give me a new name. Oh, sorry. I thought you loved this.

He has to make up his own names. I'll show you the dark yellow knight. I was saying, John Dis. You do look like a shit. I'm just like this. And we got, of course, with that fucking cackle from hell. It's can't go Kelly for stucus back to

Miss you guys She just got stomach for most real. We really yes, and back as a body part. I got. And then he made a I got fucking deep who the fucking magician on the video. I got scopo the you know the book or the show the producer. I got the gorgeous Lauren. And single, right? Yeah.

I have mics not on. That's not on. Fuck. Bobby hates women. Bobby hates women. Are you single and also looking to mingle or just single? Single. Why is your mic not working?

Oh, no. It might have just shut down from never being necessary. Oh, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. This mic is gone. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D You better say something really profound Bobby snap was me. I'm mingle I did not check her mic now Fucking Chris Literally everyone else we had a fucking Telly single and looking skull skulls can I play some We may have Chris had a blowout two weeks ago fucking it's crazy Crazy about everything and I

Me? Crazy about everything and it is my therapist. 321-123. Hey Bob. Yeah, what? I love your glasses. It looks so good on you. Thank you. Why you're a fogged up. You really did. You're really hungry.

I just couldn't do that. You play football on the snow. Oh no, no, no. Well, you look good. Wow, shit, I'm sorry. You look good too. No, I don't want to back it's fine. We got, we got, of course, Lauren and how you doing, sweetie? You're still single. Still single. Are you looking to mingle? Always.

All right. Well, you guys are both orange. I want this to happen, Lewis and, and I want it to happen too. Yeah, I do. It will take take what you do. You want Lauren gone She's not Kelly come on Yeah, I was thinking hepsy or AIDS, but go ahead. Whatever you I got a good guy for you. Wait. How old are you can I ask 29? 29 it's young What's the guy? I was like in Griffin. Oh, fucking Nick Griffin. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, the guy's sweet. It's hilarious very handsome Nick Griffin one of the best comedians of all time. I don't like that this guy's taking notes. Why is he taking notes? Oh Sorry, that's I'm pouring the show is like I don't want to do it all right now

What about I could think of some other people and you do that guest my friend There we go. We got there already introduced Christ off. Why is your not? Oh, I Christ. I know Christ off Christ off. How you doing buddy? You been on before No, I haven't you met him All the shows are struck killer Well, you did walk in and you really didn't seem happy I'm just a little shy. Are you sure? Yeah, I am so-

So are killers. Are you an artist? Yeah, I work at a film studio as a sculptor. Oh, cool. During the day. Didn't we talk to him from the day? Yeah, we talked to you before. We talked at the one again.

Yeah, you're a comic from out of town. You just got here. And you actually have this crazy story, right? You that was like a year ago. I was did it all fall apart. No, okay. It's actually gone pretty good Well, oh good man. Yeah, no, well, it's kind better get out of here I mean, he followed me at McLaughlin's last week. So yeah, it's pretty good. She's still opening. Yeah, you're opening for an unknown comic She's still opening. Yeah. You're opening for an unknown comic.

Not the unknown comic. It's very mean in here tonight. I just... What do you mean, homo? Well, anyways, it's a fucking... We're back. I did. I want to bring up...

Was that a commercial break? I want to bring up something that a commercial break what I want to bring up Something that was really fucking I think epic this weekend Orlando last week seven of the okay, no Fucking game of thrones was so good I Mean it was the best one they've had it really was it well episode two when John snow came back That was great, but this week, with the fucking guy. This fucking guy.

Did you watch the anatomy of the scene? They have it on HBO. They break down how they shot it. Really? Fucking awesome. What? I actually almost had to turn it off, because I have claustrophobia.

And there's one scene, and I'm not going to spoil it, but there's one scene, my wife has it bad, and we were both like, we were almost shutting it off, cause it's a fucking day. They kept going and going and just say it. No, I don't wanna do it. You can. That's not a spoiler of it's three days after the fact.

Yeah, you have to come out a week after the movie. I mean, that's kinda fun. It's not a spoiler, it fucking five years ago, before, you know, when people were dealing with Tivo, I mean, it's kind of fun. It's not a spoiler. It fucking five years ago before, you know, when people were dealing with T-Vo, I mean, everybody has a DVR. There's a battle in the fucking John Snug. It's buried under a bunch of people.

I didn't say it. Lewis said it. It wasn't even a crazy thing. Well, the battle is, you told them there was a battle. It's called the Battle of the Bastards. You fucking fucktard. Yeah. It's a great punch. The one we got in the episode is called the Battle of the Bastards. you fucking fucktard. Yeah, you just aggressively mean.

The next episode is called the Battle of the Bastards. Give me something to throw it. Yeah, throw it. Oh, it's where we've been. I hope you show the law in board somewhere. I'm going to take credit. Thanks. Barrow on a Kelly's water balloons.

That's her tip. Oh, shit. Why's it working? Kelly bought a second potatoes, and she's hiding in her shirt. There you go. Fucking panicked on sack of potatoes. You fucking mumbling. No, but that bomb, Dana.

She's dying laughing. Hey, she's dying laughing at me. He said, she fucking smiled. He stumbled on second potatoes. Just an asterick on that at Bandaana. I'm laughing because he got the bam, Dana. That makes me happy. What are we doing over there?

Don't worry about that. They're part of the crew. You worry about who's next to you. Left and right. Sorry, not shit. Lucia Gomez, Sean O'Marcar thee. I want it. I just do it.

Wait, you're mellow at Lucia. What is it? Oh, yay. Is it a gun? It's a gun. I don't like guns. And this is my Lewis fucking the rattlesnake killer. That's what that is.

Lucia's for you. Lucia's for you, right? That's how I feel. This is my thoughts on gun control right here. Bobby, here's your back. Thank you. I'm going to need backup because he's quick. I'll tell you what though Robert I've only had one panic attack in my life, but that battle scene Certainly almost gave me a second one. It was fucking great. Yeah, how far the cinematography on that was But how great was the the dragon lady too? It was fucking great. Yeah, how fuck the cinematography on that was, but how great was the the dragon lady too?

It was pretty awesome. It was a great episode. We got one more left and then we're gonna wait seven years for another fucking season That's what that's the last season though. That's all over. No, they have two more seasons. I heard they have one more two more No, they know two more, but they might be shorter shorter episodes Yeah, like eight, instead of 10. So just chill to the next episode. Oh. But really, I mean, I want to say this to Skankfest.

I'm telling you right now, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, it was one of the funnest festivals I've ever fucking done. It was small. It was fucking compact. But if I need to just make fun of you. I was, I'm telling fucking done. It was small, it was fucking compact. But if I just made fun of you. I wish I'm telling you this, I couldn't. I wasn't great, it kind of smelled weird.

I've learned a lot of people there. I wish I'm not kidding you. I wish I went the night before. I wish I didn't have a gig. I would have went the night before. It was fun. It looked like a fucking blast. The people you had there were fucking great. I was upstairs with Dave Smith who I love who's just funny as fuck. He went up in front of me. Here's how great it is. I just walked up with a cigar. I was in, this fucking Lewis is such a pushwack. He's such a fucking, he's such a rogue motherfucker.

I go, I'm going up with my cigar, he goes, yeah, yeah, go up, yeah, fuck it. Well, let me just check with Christine first. I was like, you're a scapegoat. Let me check with Rebecca. Yeah, but who gives a fuck? Well, I wanted to make sure she was a scapegoat. It's a scapegoat.

Yeah, but you weren't doing a hardware like a man. You guys are smoking weed everywhere. Yeah, but the thick cigar smoke in the air might have been a little something different. You know, fuck you. I walked up with it anyways. She was like, yeah, of course he can. You fucking murdered.

They loved you. It was a, I'm telling you, the club over there is awesome. I love it. I love the fuck. There's nothing to it. There's no fucking bells and whistles. Yeah. It's a fucking stage.

It's seating and it's a show. It was awesome. And then I went downstairs. They got this insane fucked up shitty bar. Then they got the sideroom with Voss and Bonnie and Big J. are doing their podcast. I stepped in there. It was hilarious. It's packed. It's sweaty. It was fucking great. And then we went to the back balcony. Everybody's hanged Todd Glasses out there. Everybody's in the fucking back. Brian, Redman was there. I didn't get, I left. Yeah.

But it was, I'm telling you, man, fucking Bravo. And it was all funny people. It wasn't about fucking whose manager, agent, or horse shit. I'm sure someday it will be. No, man. That's not what it's about. It's about putting the funniest fucking people on. No, not charging young comers. I heard consumers say the same fucking thing when they started to stand. And I'm not saying against them, but you have to, this is, this is an industry and you have to, you have to put on who you are. You have to put on my point is, let me finish that because I just said something fucked up.

My point is that, you know, I, I know they put people on Patrick who he doesn't think is funny, but he has to put them on because that's the business he's in. Well, yeah, I mean, they have the, you know, debatably the best without a doubt, at least the second best company club in the city. Yeah, you know, they have people that come in and they're industry doling. They got to put them on. But I think for the most part, 80, 90% of the people that are put on the stage are really funny. Or they're clients. So they kind of like hook up their clients

as well. So you got to do what you got to do is my point with the best isn't about that. Skankfest is about putting on fucking people that are going to push the envelope that are afraid to fucking say whatever the fuck they want to say. Right. There's no bullshit. There was no literally no with, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these,

with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these,

with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these,

with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, with these, You literally say whatever the fuck you want. I was telling you, like it was fucking went up and just said some shit that happened. Just open up slow and fucking said some shit that you didn't, you know, and then go step on the gas when you want to and fucking. Well, the thing we really wanted to do is we wanted to, because we do us cruise ships, right?

So when you're on the cruise ship, there's nowhere to go. You have to fucking hang out with, the Rocks are half to hang out with the fans, right? So that's what we want to do, because we got to approach by a bunch of different clubs. They're like, all you do shows here, but we wanted to keep it out with the Rockstar's have to hang out with the fans. Right. So that's what we want to do because we got to approach by a bunch of different clubs. They're like, all you do shows here, but we wanted to keep it condensed at the Creek and at the standing room because it forced the comics to hang out with all the fans. And that was one thing that's different from what we did from any other comedy festival.

Like you got to fucking hang out with Bobby Kelly. You got to smoke weed with Ari Schaffer out back and hang out with Todd Glass. And he tacos with him. It was a much different thing. And I think that experience is invaluable. And not you even go to Oddball which is fucking great but you're not going to get that experience at Oddball. Yeah but even that is that that is a fucking who's who. Yeah I mean that's not a fucking not everybody on there is killing. No you're not not everybody. That's what I'm not supposed to. Well I'm also a concert tour also. Yeah, but it's like comedy in a fucking open atrium fucking field.

I don't get fuck, that's a whole different thing. I'm talking about other festivals. I love just for laughs. I think that's our fucking standard of festival. I think that they, that's where we go to hang the fuck out. You know, everybody kind of, if you're funny, you'll make it there in some way. You'll be asked to go there. And it's awesome, but you know, everybody kind of, if you're funny, you'll make it there in some way, you'll be asked to go there.

And it's awesome, but, you know, this festival was just fucking, I mean, I was watching shows, like I was bummed that I couldn't see, I wanted to go see the, what's his name's podcast stand hopes, podcast. I was like, fuck, I would have went to what's my podcast comic in the world. Talk glass is fucking awesome. He's so funny, dude. I actually saw What's his name Sal too from yeah, he's right to the jokes. That was a great stand-up. He was fucking killing it volcano. Yeah, I know his last name unbelievable

Unbelievable festival man what a great and the whole vibe was great like no it wasn't this you know fucking Well, there were real fans There's no but like people paid a decent amount of money to be there. But there wasn't pockets of fucking, you know what I mean? You go to these festivals. There's always pockets of you guys like each other and you fucks like each other and, you know, and it's like, well, I honestly, most of the tickets were sold in pre-sale.

So they were in legionist, before we announced the single name, they were like legionist gang fans, which were trickled down from YKWD fans, which were a trickled down from OP&Anthony fans. So they were real fucking comedy fans. So like Chris Scopo, people were coming up to him, fucking all day being like, dude, all Chris Scopo, you're like four of them, but that's more than you've ever had in your life. You're like, dude, you're like, dude, you're like four of them, but it was four people. One guy wanted a photo.

I take a take. And the first couple of me's ever got from you from you any fucking punty it right back in your face Well, I got a I got a beep will Lewis. Oh, here we go. Enough of this sucked I texted Lewis out of the beef I texted lose a heartfelt message on Monday's ain't congrats Yeah, it was the best old Bobby Kelly best festival I ever did in my life. You've never done a festival Not done to What was the other festival? The New York Public Radio. It was a baseball festival.

That's not a festival. That's not a festival. That's the raised money for dogs and that kid's co-cats. It's a festival in the body. What the fuck are you talking about? I will at first. Technically, festival. And I texted the message to the nothing.

No reply. No reply. No reply. We're in such a small space and everyone's fucking drug addicts. It's like the gathering of the jug of those meets comedy. Everyone's all fucking. There's so much smoke in the air and we're all so close to each other that I got really sick.

I slept yesterday from like 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Well, what happened to the dead? I'm here. You're welcome. Oh man. Anyone else was good about it though. I listened to other people that run festivals. You were there.

No one. I, yeah, I came and saw and had a look and well, How long have you been here? About been here like a week. Is that all the people that performed, none of the performers had to pay to submit and people got paid. Yeah, that's fucking bullshit. Every other festival in America, you have to pay for someone to see your tape

and then you still probably don't get any way to pay. I've never paid. No, this is a new. This is a new. This is a new. I've paid. You pay $20 to submit to somebody. $20.

$25.30. So they start off $20,000 profit before they even start booking anything, which is bullshit. It's people taking advantage of other young cops. I hope people learn from that that he is possible to sell out a weekend. He's able to get paid and do that. But, but people. There's a bunch of festivals that do that. Let's not say every festival.

Yeah, we would tell her to do that. Montreal is the whole of respect. No, the whole of respect for what it's doing. Don't do that. But all the ones that are in New York like fucking Hoboken and fucking the Westchester, Yonkers Comedy Festival and the Cinder Block Comedy Festival. They're just young. There's a Yonkers Comedy Festival.

Yeah. And they charge a $25 fucking fee. Wow. Just to see. The Cinder Block Comedy Festival. It's a Yonkers Comedy Festival? Yeah. And the chart they charge a $25 fucking fee. Wow. Just a scam. Just for you. But not even to get in. Just for someone to watch your time.

Did you do it? No. I can't. You should. Yeah? You give me $15 to tell you you're not in. I don't want to waste my money. What do you guys make of all the other festivals around the country though?

Because now there's more than a hundred. Who are you? I'm the Congress comic. You think Congress got it. Sean O. It's Sean from Weftbun. We're from Weftbun. Mark does say hi by the way.

I think some of the other festivals, Moon Tower's fun. I did the one that South by Southwest with a laugh button. Yeah. That was all right. That was a fun time. That was a great. But here's the thing, there's always a corporate element. And I'm saying with you, there will be a corporate element because not unless somebody gives me a lot of money.

Exactly. Someone's going to step in a moderate amount of money. I actually could get you a lot of money. Exactly, someone's gonna step in. We're gonna moderate amount of money. I actually could get you a lot of money next year and have a sponsor for the thing, and you know, but they're gonna want to fucking anything they offer. Well, I think the best way to get money for the festival is to have people pay the submit to be in the festival.

That's not bad. Yeah, but not open-micro's headliners. Yeah. You should get David's help to drop 500 to be considered. Jeff Ross came the very last show that night Jeff Ross came and went up on stage with Dave Smith and Chey and they fucking closed out the festival. What are they doing, Proff? They just fucking talk to each other. Yeah.

I'm telling you man, it was a fucking great vibe. I had a blast. I'm telling you next year it's going to be huge. Yeah, I would have loved to have done it. You did do it. No, I got bumped. Are you podcast got bumped? Yes, by who I don't know Lois is pleading ignorance. I'm fucking I'm really upset you can tell us We've ever running late and that they weren't gonna be able to do the podcast and it turns out she said that she Joe said she canceled the podcast. I'm not saying what God. I don't want to said she can't on the podcast. I'm not saying, well God, I don't want to you know,

the beat. Joe, I'm not starting a beef. I'll read the text. We didn't have fans from Tuesday's and stories. The first and less Mark was, this mark was sending something that I didn't know. Okay, he's a man. She wrote I'm saying, let's, she wrote, I may pull the podcast,

but still would love to give you guys do come and do spots. It might just been running. We should let me know how worn out you spots. It might have just been running late. And then she might have just let me know how worn out you are. I'm shuffling stuff here. Just text me when you can. And then you know, Mark's right. It's okay.

No problem. And then he wrote, it's okay. Cool. She wrote, okay, cool. He's right. Don't close the kitchen. And then I wrote what's time to the spots. Yeah, Deyada. And then she started talking about spots.

So we just didn't do the spots. Well, the spot, that one, that I did bail on because my spot was 145 AM, and this is at 10.45 PM. So my plan was to go over there, do the pod, and then once the pod is over, I'm like, I have a spot in 45 minutes. But this is like, now I have a spot

three and a half hours from now, and we had to get up, we were in the Nebraska Festival, also a fun festival, and that was, we left it six o'clock in the morning. So by the time that rail around I was like it sounds like it was half you and half Christine It sounds like she was trying to shuffle things around and you guys were kind of okay with she wrote I may pull the pot and so we're like okay, I'm not gonna be like no you can't pull the pot

She said she'd also pay you guys for the pot just come to your spots. Yeah, I'm gonna try to appreciate you You could have gotten paid and fucking didn't the spots anymore. Yeah, I'm not gonna take money for somebody I didn't do I will take money for something I did do First of all, I wish I my wife wrote the check tonight for the fucking stupid podcast and then she goes I told her you're fucking whole scenario Joe She's like you just pay him whatever the fuck it is because I do not want that guy on on you like this Oh And I'm joking about getting about like it was a thing where she was like I may pull it and I was like

Oh, that's actually would be I wanted to be part of the festival But like we woke up at 6 a.m Fuckin took a two and a half hour bus ride two flights and we have to leave roast battle real time We get it all right. We get it. Rose battle is a five hour TV. Oh, yeah They pull it there was a part of it. I was like yeah festivals and doing a roast battle gives a fuck. It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot you fucking I was in contest back-to-back nights And I won the one of them you won I Wanted my Rose Battle.

What did you win? My Rose Battle. What do you say? Can you say you won it? I just did. I'll just say. Will you want TV? It's going to be on TV.

So now they know the outcome. Yeah, but it's a road to Rose Battle. They're only showing clips from the... I think they might show the whole thing. It's an hour long episode right now. I don't know what's happening. It's way less than I love it. They're doing like six different cities. There's a way to get paid. I'm not gonna reveal that for a hundred bucks. No we got paid Saga scale what a thousand. Yeah, we got a thousand dollars to be a union gig

No good. No, it's great. Why do you want to have a beef? Why do you want to be upset with something? Cuz you love any time cuz I hate you cuz he love this thing I know you wanted to be like dude. Here's how you could do it, but you couldn't he nailed it. It was perfect And I would not that is not true I'm a new shirt don't you fucking do this. Don't make me do this. I bought a shirt for TV. I'm very important. I don't order it off of Ellen. I don't want to call it a fucking dyke. Listen, no, I have nothing to say. I was so happy about that festival. What are you doing?

I got wet because I'm... How did you get anything wet with the smallest melt in the world? Because you pulled a gun on me and I got nervous. First of all, the worst. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going I got wet because I how do you get anything wet with the smallest mouth in the world because you pull the gun on me And I got nervous first of all take it was a it's a dark gun. Yeah, still it's too much Yeah, that was a stand-up that was a stand-up my crossbow was the shit was fun

It better be a great crossbow because I had a big joke that you stepped on it, douche What was it it does it I can't do it now try to do it again, dude. It's just a gun. It's a small gun. I don't like it That's the joke. I don't like I don't like what's happening there you go Shots great imported from London Ted Baker. I know Ted Baker is Gary Goldman. No you don't yeah Gary Goldman told you to get it Gary Goldman shirt Gary Goldman Gary Goldman is Gary Goldman. No, you don't. Yeah, Gary Goldman told you to get it. The Gary Goldman shirt. No, it's a Gary Goldman. Gary Goldman always Gary Goldman gave it to you. Gary Goldman always gets great shirts. But there's a hundred acres from a bunch of other stuff. Gary Goldman always great great check. Gary Goldman always good check great shirts five times and he fucking this fucking sponge of life heard Gary in a car yeah it's a Ted Baker and he went out for his big debut on a television again and fuck you

know debut again dumb dumb I just am doing TV regularly you do that's what seems like should try it I know peace love and dick cocks I get it a fucking show! I know a piece of love and dick cocks, I get it. The air commercial during game six, dog. What? Yeah, it's over in game six. What did you say? During game six they add your commercial. And I texted you and you're like, what?

I'm dumb. You're in a commercial. What do you call me? I'm not going to show this text, dude. You go, you guys carry on. What was the commercial for for the TV show? We were doing something. Oh god, you're fucking...

No, come on. Have a show. Oh, this is back to the L.A. text. I am. Will you take a photo? Will you tell me so I can turn and check my neck? I can't. Thank you.

No, you got a couple of side ones of me and there was five different fucking levels of my cheek. Let's talk about this by the way, too, with the... What? You're the worst person. I just wanted to... I call call it more than 10. How am I the worst person I call you more than since and then you call back like three days later you don't leave a voicemail you write you text call me when you can and people take advantage It does he's right about this but you do a similar thing. People fuck with people's person.

Oh, my fucking earmuffs off. Oh, I ain't blank. That's fucking knocked on us. I'm not posting like Bobby, I'm shooting right in the fucking face. Wait, this is where you- Oh, I hate this. I hate this. It hurtin' up your good ol' hole.

I hate this. It this it hurts I will leave Filibuster The wake of Orlando you're shooting me only cuz you look gay. Oh It's a great shirt Anyways, you guys do this you know I have personnel I have character flaws where I'm nervous I think people are mad and then you write calm when you can dude and I'm like oh fuck some bad That's okay. His wife died something. Yeah, and then you're like what's up, dude? I say call me when you can you've added the tone Joe. That's you. Yeah, you added tone to it

I didn't add tone call me I'm your dad. How hard is this take your fat thumbs and write hey right. Hey, call me when you're fucking. This right. Hey, call me when you can. It's no big whoop. I love that I have to add. I have to fucking eat you and fuck you. How about this?

Why don't you add your own tone to it? Take it. You could have went, Hey, call me when you can, bro. Hey, call me when you can. That's the tone it was. Call me when you can. I, I, I just want you. I might be busy. You're doing a lot of things because we all heard how many fucking festivals and how many shows and how many shirts You need to buy okay?

I buy a new shirt when I do TV. It's a thing. I do all me when you can and you made it call me when you can Yes, that's you you fucking psychopath right what I'm saying is that's me and you are aware that that's me So why don't you make a slight adjustment? Like for instance, oh my, you fucking are you my wife? What I fuck when I see you I go hey, what's up to face? Because I know you like everyone to call each other dumb face. I do not I actually hurts my feelings when you say that That hurts I know that it fucking hurts. I would like for you to when you see me go. Hey, what's up? Kelly well, maybe shouldn't a nickname mean the truth if you don't want to hear the truth dumb face

Come on, hands up don't shoot I can't breathe Nerd lies matter Durian skankfest, yeah, we kept them playing fucking phone tag and that drove me out of my mind You know what happened? I'll tell you what, what happened? What happened? I'm trying to cancel. Now, no, fuck I wasn't ever going to cancel on you.

Dude, I told you I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Why the fuck would I cancel on you? I wouldn't cancel on Rebecca. I wouldn't cancel on Christine. I cancel on you, yeah, but I wouldn't cancel on them. Dude, I wouldn't cancel on anybody. Whoa, hey.

I like it. I like it. I like it. You're fucking dirty fingers. You can scratcher that fucking AIDS eye that's gonna come back Well, you stop rubbing your eye use a towel or baby wipe. It's you get the thing again. No, I know back No, I know it's fucking dude. Look at me dude. I don't have it back. It's back. It's coming It's a lot of a choice no the love Yeah, the lump.

The lump. The lump, the lump. The lump. The lumpy lump. I was calling you. I feel it's calling you about. I was calling you about. Over and over again.

It drove me out of my fucking world. It drove me out of my mind. You didn't pick up. But you have a kid and I have a kid. And what happens when people don't realize this. So you have that second to make the phone call. And all of a sudden he comes up or he falls or he slips

so your wife's like honey and you can't the phones done i don't see the phone for another fucking three hours or two hours you come back and i got fucking the things lit up and you got to call everybody back that's what happens kind of like your belly button hello folks so haha i saved it with sound effects you amp's to damn comedian New York City

Amsterdam what are you talking about? Amsterdam that's what they used to call New York City. You said soda at what a hit While that was bad I thought you were with one amp-signum, maybe at one point, but didn't know. I used to go to amp-signum a lot. I know. Even Tom Rose.

What? You and Tom Rose. Tom Rose? I had fuck boys. They were fucking men. Tom Rose, who? He's a good coach. They, uh, yeah, Tom Rose, you said I have his own talk show out there.

Did you have that opportunity? Yes. Right. If you have the opportunity right now to go to another country and have your own show and be famous in that country, Amsterdam or Denmark or whatever. Australia. Australia. And you had that, would you do it?

No. You wouldn't, why wouldn't you do it? Well take my son out of it? Yeah, your son's dead someone killed You said take him out Oh Don't do that. Oh that hurts What do you think this is net worth of died that would be the best ending? Wait, the people at home Bobby just shot himself in the fucking mouth with a gun I knew it was on Lewis Carebo

He was gonna be the one I had to do the Han like my name around you No, he would have fucking rolled me right out. Sat right in the end. I'm gonna show what he would have. He's doing the fun. The fucking R, he fucking gets a brand new studio. This whole thing would be his. The R is for Reynolds night. He came to hat on that fucking thing.

I wish I'd think stuck to your little ball back there. That day, yeah. To hangy ball. Tonsils. That's not a tonsils. Don't wanna hangy balls on the tunnel. I it. How do you know what a tonsil is? I had mine taken up July of 1989. What they used to get it out of fucking Dixie Cup? Nothing. Wow. I'm not a cute tip.

You're a true pick. I know. How fucking. You ever have a joke where your brain just wants to say Dixie Cup? That was snow, but you. That's what I like, when they get out with an ice cream sandwich, Danim Hungary. That could have been a fucking missile. It was so good. But you can't. And we can't. Everybody was like, little.

You can take me up into a missile. Every single person's face was like a school, like a fucking kid. At the beginning of a movie, like, here we go. And then your Dixie Cup. Which is not even a fucking. It's a guy. I guarantee you, neither one of these fucks will have Dixie Cup ripping down It's literally right now good for you Lauren. Thank God Lauren is stepping up. Wow. I was checking the Twitter feed of course

You were What's all right for what make sure the stream was working cool no Twitter works without you You know that the YouTube feed sorry YouTube No, no, no, the YouTube feed. Sorry. YouTube. This is my recipe. YouTube feed. Thank you, baby. Oh, anyways.

And it's wrapping up. You fucking go over 10 minutes. We literally have two hours. I like to buy a new shirt when I do TV. Of course you would. I hope you replace that one. It won't be long, bro. I got some things cooking.

What are you got? What are you going to go on? I'm not going to tell you now. You've got to poo poo it it give a talk show in another country I am a great question First of all I'm a baker shut the fuck up. Are you gonna pay to say that? I'm your fucking biggest support or you son of a bitch size wise Actually, that's just so much much better with joke around of that was Fucking low hanging fruit axe

What do you know about fruit Yeah, I mean you all right, so you wouldn't leave you would leave oh, sorry. No, I am sedan beautiful place How much money? And how long would one year contract? You're going to do no, you're going to do one year with an option of three and you're going to get paid. Who's option? There's a his. Both. Yeah, if you want to or he if they want to. You can opt out or they can. But here's a deal. You get paid $250,000. One year. Say $300, $300,000, even $300,000 for the year, to host some type of MMA, rock and roll,

live show thing, where you're the VJ, you're the Matt Pinnfield. But it's a lot of exposure in that country. In that country. Yeah, you know what? Also meaning that I can get up and do stand up any night that I want to. You're not famous, you're the jelly found of that country. I're not also meaning that I can get up and do stand up any night that I want. You're not famous. You're the jelly found of that country.

I do a 300,000. Yeah, I do. 300,000 dollars a year. And you'd fucking just walk away from leading to Skanks. You'd walk away from... He'll find a way to Skype. From... No, no, no. You can't.

They're like, you can't... I just fucking... Fucking legion of squinks. Fucking... Legion of squinks. Legion of squinks Fucking of And Legion of Squids That's where Let's Heatwits

Joshkins I like it The loosest The loosest The loosest The loosest The loosest The loosest

The loosest The loosest The loosest The loosest The loosest The loosest The loosest The loosest

The loosest The loosest The loosest The loosest The loosest That's all over there. Oh, there's just legions. Yeah. Legions? Listen, that's your cool. They're not Germans. I know. Yeah, I mean, for 300, I say that's almost the bare minimum. Yeah. It is the minimum. I didn't want to give you the, I'm not going to say 10, you know, a million because fuck, I'd go.

But I know, if you as long as you get to do stand up and write every night and you're making money, you're performing, like go there, fucking right for your comeback, you got a brand new fucking. No, you don't get to come, you never get to come back. You get to come back three years. You said a year with the opportunity. I'm changing it up because one is so easy. Three years. I'm going to happen three years, I'd say no.

Three years is too much. For you? Yeah. I'm sure you. I'm 34. Think about this, little. I mean, you have a lot of money in the bank after I wish I could add the like the the ability I wish I like this was like Shark Tank where had the ability to make this happen negotiate it

Just be like little you you should go. I was take the deal take the deal and also Not telling hour from London London has an incredible scene is absolutely hour from London. That's not I got a plane I'm playing yeah You can go there for the weekend to the comedy store there and shit loads of money And it's a major Germany's train right away everything's a train ride I'll trust those German trains. Hello folks Schindlers list plus with all the anti-Semitism. I'd really fit in. Oh my god. You would yeah, yeah You'd fuck it off. No your color, but you know you would oh speaking of anti-semitism I'd really fit in oh my god you would yeah, yeah, yeah, you'd fuck it up

No, your color bet you know you would oh speaking of anti-semitism may I Fucking pick a beef with someone in this room at this table No, this is not me because you're the fucking beef all the time with you. No, it's not with you Are you in the semi I said anti-semitism? No, I'm not but you could fucking throw me down that All we stop a healing It is me a big German head Walking up the stairs I go hey when he when he uh someone moving out of the house I got a buddy that wants to move in a comic look at the help of comic you're going way to look past this

Look at the help of texted me said is there a comic anyone moving out? I said yes, but someone's probably gonna move in and he goes who's this guy and I go his name's Renon Hershberg and then Scope goes yeee Dude Hershberg sounds like an asshole. Yeah, this is the most blatant It's not a Jewish thing. It's not a Jewish thing. We're doing this. We're like this. Oh, yeah the black basketball big dick Swoo we were laughing you guys are dead serious Hershberg yeah, I said now on her show you all go gross No, it's a chocolate jail. He's he's gonna short the rent probably Pistol cuz you own your own

Your two he's a fucked up all the time is the shot. We have no shower door right now my place. No gas I heard it pillow I love it. It did I just think what's his name again? His name's Ronan Hershberg and you think he sounds fun. I know him buddies. He's funny. He's great Hey sounds like a blast. He's a sleep on the floor like fucking I can't get out from out of the couch. I can't believe you guys are saying this. Well, it's not I have nothing to do with Jewish What did you do? I want to see us face over there

He looks like Sean Patton Disgusting What are you guys basing this on? How would you spell renon? R-A-A Lewis is a fucking R-A-A Lewis is smart by the way It's not get carried away

He's smart in certain areas that you wouldn't think he's smart What did you do? So he's autistic look at it popped up at the two good one. That's fucking a skinnier Danny LeBelle That's what I have comic oh he is he's a com What are you talking about? He's not gonna fit in your room. Oh, he actually does look cute. He looks like great stone Yeah, it looks like a nice guy. He's a fucking great guy. He's really smart. He's really funny. I said fucking mom What's going on from LA? He's coming coming from Louisville I hope it's playing close First thing true about me I have this guy get the TV show soon thing true about me. I have his guy get to see me show. He's fucking hilarious. Not some do she's.

No, he's not fucking over someone along. He hit me up. I was like, we have a guy now, but he's going to leave in like July, but we have I think I have another man. Who is there man? Alex Pavon. Oh, based on that name, he sounds like a little bit. Hell, a little bit. Italian. Yes. He runs to Italians.

He runs to Italians because he likes to fucking mama cooking on weekends. So who's got a guy that you want to move in? Tom Cassidy might move in with that. Cassidy's gonna move in. I like Tom Cassidy. Cassidy's looking better looking you. But then he killed on the show. So as in this fucking chew, he just pulled up.

Yeah. But he's not a love them. If I were to love them if he, if you were to have a nice, might be leaving too. Oh, that's right. And Jamie might be, he's still doesn't know yet. He's like 50, 50 right now. Yeah, he's 50, 50. Look, where he lives. I just don't like to get disemitism. It's not a disem yet. He's like 50-50 right now. Yeah, he can't count.

Louis, where do you look? I just don't like to get disemitism. It's not a disemmit. I live in a horror. You're basically going on his name. No, not. It's he sounds like a shedrool. Just sounds on his phone.

I'm sorry. And his picture, he's not smiling at all. He looks, I'm sure he's a nice guy. I'm sure we're misjudging him 100%. But if you said fucking Auditions for scope as apartment on the show yes, we got to bring Jay and then Jay who my Indian room It takes care of the house older Indian guy you have an older Indian guy. How old the he is 50 maybe around that It's probably close to the 60s like mid 50s one time does he know he doesn't have to do that to the 60s like mid 50s one time does he know he doesn't have to do that is it is it a comic no we talked about it on the show wars

to get a kid some your head of a wall three times and for yourself to fly to stares that's one of the first time i've ever heard of it it was poetry but i'll be uh... he uh... jay takes care of the house show that was a little bit of father uh... takes care of the house and we have to have jay on the show you want to come

in special guests old roommate uh... i don't think jay wants to part of the house and we have to have Jay on the show. You want to come in a special guest, old roommate? No, I don't think Jay wants to part of the show. We would say that, when did we get our month to book? Yeah, we were supposed to book a month of the show. What the fuck? What do you want to do it? Stop coming at me, you lie. You lie.

Yes, we're all Jews. We're not Jewish. We're not Jewish, it's great. All right, you lie. I can't because I'm out of town half the month. Me too. I'm also out of town. Where are you going? I'm going to Vegas for's great. Alright, Julie, I can't because I'm out of town half the month. Me too. I'm also out of town. Where are you going?

I'm going to Vegas for UFC 200 and Fight Week. And then I got a tour. With what? With Bisming. And when you say a tour, you mean shows? We're doing a seven day tour. With who? Me, Dave Smith.

You and Dave Smith. The where's Jay tour? Where you go? Because Jay, he's doing his own gigs. So he's not going with you. Nope. The fact that you guys don't do a lead to Skanks tour is fucking stupid. He's a fucking scumbag.

You want to sickle all money for himself? Oh my god, I didn't want to get into this. But Jesus, is it really? I mean, kind of. Look, he's not actually a scumbag, but he had lines by himself, so he doesn't really need us. I mean, you should do a couple, because you do a show together.

No, I know. You should do some shows together. You would think he'd be into it. Well, look, man, he's do a couple because you do a show together. No, I know. You should do some shows together. You would think you'd be into it. Well, look, man, he's in a tough spot. Can I tell you where he's at? He's at a point where he's popping, okay? He's been doing it for a long time. He's finally popping.

He's getting opportunities for himself finally. And he can't turn that shit down. Look, I've been where you're at, dude. You gotta let it go and just- I did, you're the one fucking Making a thing of it, but he should do a couple at least a couple shows. This agent won't let him according to who's his agent I don't know his name. I know his name. I don't want to throw him under the bus What do you mean?

What do you mean I throw him under the bus? I don't want to just say it's fucking agents thing because I just said he doesn't want him to do a bunch of shows with us Mm-hmm It's tough. That's a tough situation. No, I know. Everything's already headlining in circuit markets. He can't come out and just do fucking one-nighter legion of skankshows. Let me a great show.

You should have your own tour of the rhythm. You, you, Jay. Yeah, why don't you film that? I've got boardgasm. Why don't you do something like that? Well, you can all do a TV show, like a film it and document it and put it out there. I would love to. Well, whatever. I guess I'd like to talk to Lewis like he's hand-to-cap all of a sudden.

What do you mean, he's a fun, he's an interventionist. I because he's been looking sad. Because he doesn't want, I understand what you do. You don't want trash in you, but you don't want to be the fucking, you know, real ass dude. You don't want to be the real ass dude. You're fucking a little corporate right now. Yeah, so you know there you go You can't talk about the agent. You can't I'm doing corporate Lewis. Oh Make us a little more retarded than corporate dead and you know dead dead get a long skinny armor really works

You just look at fucking trying to punch a fly Yeah, I miss real I never thought I'd say this I missed the real last dude Very calm you're the calmest of ever saying you right now. I think it's yeah You just really drink or did drugs in like what four months. Yeah, I'm so very very very Yeah, no this I really don't know this I have a done a drawing I know I don't six. I don't think Bobby knew that you stop smoking weed You stop smoking weed. He stops smoking weed. Bobby doesn't listen.

No, I don't care. No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't care. That's a wave. That's a die. Listen to people I care about all the time. Listen, you, I didn't know you quit weed. This weekend you didn't smoke weed. Nope, not weed.

I gotta say, I did. I saw you at one point. I think you have to say it. Yeah, frazzled. And I was very proud. He just left and didn't want to one point. I think you have to say it. Yeah, frazzled and I was very proud He just left and didn't want to do anything Yeah, it was it was rough this weekend when everyone's just handing you drugs nonstop Like what are people like dude come on you got a smoke with me. We came from fucking Wisconsin

But you did it though like that that the skank first would have been the biggest fucking thing Okay, maybe not so zen anymore. Just shot up. What, did I mean that? What the fuck? She's literally complimenting you and you just tell this shot up to her face. It's gonna be a record though. The time told her to shut up and I thought I should have a beer the other night.

That was not a record for you. Boob show. She showed her big fanically tits. When the other night, where? We're gonna see these tits, since the other night. Where, where below her neckline? I've got a breeze on my boob,

and I showed him my, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just fucking open, I'm telling her, I want to suck in your tits. No. Wait a minute. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, Kelly you let Louis Sagan you didn't know I want to show you the money look at me changing the sun look at me Kelly for still got for still got look at me I'm thinking of the timeline did you know did you let fucking Yakima go man's

Sagan you're not a great man shut up dude I win I already won yeah cuz you're fucking fans voter for you you put up you took out you paid for a Facebook ad you fucking fuck I do not pay for a fake ad. I saw it. It was sponsored. It was sponsored. It was sponsored. You paid for it. I didn't pay for it. My company did. It's a big difference. Well you have a company with money. Yeah. Oh. Kelly, look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Hey mate. First of all, the guest in the studio, I literally feel like we're doing this at Cafe Regio

and we're fucking up his afternoon. I can't believe he's a comic, anyway. Listen, look at me, Kelly. Hey, mate. He's a sculptor. I can't believe how anti-Semitic he is. Kelly, I think I'm gonna scope on. I think he.

Kelly, you let Louis Suck in your titty. Ah, yes. When? Good for you for admitting ituck in your titty. Yes. When? Good for you for admitting it. I can't remember. Yeah. Like one titty or both tittys. It was a joke. It was like we laughed really hard about it.

It was hilarious. It was hilarious. What is he, Mick Jagger? You can't get both titty. It laughed for like half a second. I didn't know who's going to do it. I was just showing him a nipple and then he went in and I pulled away and we all laughed about it.

So you took out your teddy, you held it at the heel. No, I, I, like, flashed him. You flashed him and you put your mouth on it? That sucked on my teddy. How? Wow. How long did you suck on that teddy? Like very quickly.

What came up, Pepsi? Hahaha. I'm jelly. Hahaha. Very jelly. It was a liquid of a lot. It was a liquid of a lot. It was a wax soda bottles. That's what comes out of Kelly's thing. I'm telling Very jelly We're gonna wax soda bottles

It wasn't funny You saw her titties Yeah, when she's fucking showed me like like you say Show me the whole thing I'm in for after the whole week hats thing Joe what we're trying to do a joke and I got nothing I think he deserved the bum Did I want to stop the whole show for What are you on what are you doing on your phone? I'm checking the feed right now. Make sure he's all right

Look at him. Are you on the feed? Yeah, everything's good. I don't want to check Why are you checking fucking deep whose work bag? Here the fuck he's doing scopal scopal shuttle cover excuse the nuts a something funny And now I showed him The other day here. You know who the fuck he's doing? Skopal? Skopal? Skopal? I'm sorry. I'm not saying something funny. Um, no, I showed him the other day. I didn't even reveal the truth. What the fuck man? Deepu and Skopal hate each other. It's never come out. No one's ever gone to therapy. It's I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would can text you. I texted a whole lot of D. You got a call. Deepest therapist is just a goat that he talks to. My therapist, that's him. I don't like that.

I actually liked it. You know what? I was taking a scope on it. I didn't get it. And then I realized you were talking about the Indian and I thought, so it was better than I thought. This is before I'm coming in for therapy. You're going to love this.

I want to take a minute to discuss raising your fee. See you soon. Raising your What do you pay? Yeah, huh? What do you pay? I can't tell you. It's all the ad during game six. That's the problem Because he pays on a scale and Bobby broke the scale. Yeah Would you would you have felt better if he texted call me when he do it No need for that fucking stupid Cold you what was your ad? Oh, I just fucking shut up. I'm trying to get out of the show Look at him. He's not even not god. I don't know what that was the ad what ad what ad? Yeah, you add it You're on an ad of a sex drugs. All right. Oh, yeah, so I have got a breeze on my boot. You're doing a see it. Yeah

Yes, I don't know why Kelly Kelly everything else He's showing it to you right now with the best thing ever. I don't know why I don't know how good that Where is so great One other thing. She's got nice lips. She's got a cute nose. She's got nice eyes. She's got dimples.

Here's naming parts that you can see. She's got great hair and shoulders. She has big titties. Oh wow. You see it? Oh, look at all. Check it off. Let's look it off.

I had a sex dream last night. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh sex dream last night. Yeah.

Which was it? Was it this one or this one? Deepu will go by nine. Good joke. Wait a point on the podcast of them. Can you pass her that? Yeah, I have it. Can you punch her with it? Just wrap it around her head and just fuck it. Dip it in glass. Yeah. The Kelly keeps doing visual jokes, the pointing her face. She hasn't been on the podcast in a while. I know, I just wanted to set up the face thing. That was going to go over better.

What's wrong with my face, Jay? I, um, nothing. I was a joke. OK. The face was a joke. Have you ever listened to Kelly's podcast? Yeah. Liar.

I've listened to it. What's your health or breath on that one? Fucking hands off. I heard a fact that hands about I need a sex dream. It's called hold your hands It's called Homeless It's off hand hands up to the jelly hand What's it called? It's good get your hand off it. Get your hand off it. Extrion, Australian expression.

Which means hold, step off. Get your hand off it, Abo. Oh shit, that's like a really bad word. What's wrong with you dude? That's like saying the inward dude. I know what Jate is going to tour you. I want your sex stream. Yeah, sex stream.

Come on. What are your yours? No. If you do Lauren's trip. Did you have a sex stream. Yeah, sex stream. Who? Come on. What are your yours? Oh. Can we do Lauren's for you? My sex stream. Did you have a sex stream? No, not at all.

Well, I actually have one. Tell us what you're asked for. Sorry. I'm sorry. This girl, man, we actually, fuck, it was so hot. Oh, boy. We bumped into each other. It was this girl who is, I met years ago, way before dawn.

So it's nighttime? So it's nighttime? Timeline, good timeline. What'd you say? Wink, wink, no, no, it was before dawn. Was there hair like hay? No, it wasn't that girl. I told you about that. That's way back. Yeah. No, you don't have to give him the, we know he's not going to be funny.

Oh, okay. No waste of band-a-ran him. He just writes about comedy. You didn't like mine? Yeah, no, you don't have to give him the minute. We know he's not gonna be funny. Oh, no waste abandon around him He just writes about comedy. You didn't you didn't like mine? Um wait before dawn, so it was nighttime That was great. I didn't catch it You guys didn't hear it if that didn't get a big John. I was looking at that fucking gay pride shirt. It was fucking all right Give me that I was gonna toss around. Get 10 off of my my 10 beggar TV shirt.

So we were in a hotel and it was a weird hotel though. Like there was like the walls were made of candy. It was open rooms like the other cheese pillows. Wait, is this part of the drain? how the dream was just to talk with it. It was open rooms. This is the dream. Well, you're talking about what really have a dream. Don't come. No, I'm in a hotel with open rooms.

That is something pre-looted to it. You know, say pre-looted again. Pre-litted. You're just thinking of pre leans and cream. Yeah. Yeah. So. That's what got you joined? You literally shit over that one? Yes. Not even the joke just the fatty part was on. So the dream. You're dreaming of your hotel.

There's no walls. It's kind of like an open hostile type setting. And we were walking and I bumped into her. And I was like, oh my God, how have you been? And she's like, I've been good. We talked for like a minute and then we just start to make out. And I literally, we're right at her bed.

And I, this is weird. We start fucking kissin' and she gets, takes her clothes off and I'm naked and then I just start pissing on her face. What? All right, keep an eye on. Never done it. I mean, I'm pissing on her and she's just open,

like opening her mouth and she loves it. She loves it. Like taking in the math and squirting it out like a fountain. She's not swallowing it but she's letting it in her mouth and then spitting it out. Oh, my gosh. But she's like, she's not telling what? You good?

What? What the fuck are you doing? I'm seeing if you're good with stuff. You need it. You mean in the middle of my fucking story that I built for last year? Hey Bobby, hey Bobby, you good? Oh my fucking. Oh my fucking.

Fucking. Kelly, the fear's broken. I could use another coffee. What? I could use another coffee. I could use another coffee. I'm not going to. I could use another coffee. Fucking I Give another coffee What the fuck I can't fucking believe literally head nods. I know okay, you know in the middle of my story

Oh Okay, you know in the middle of my story. I'm in the fucking Oh, you're a fuck I wish it was a real gun. I love how you have to give you the dogs back to Man, so he's right, it's getting hot and heavy. Let's hear it. Yeah, so there was a man. There's an art Kelly song Well, I mean he can get the bomb then if he's tries the jokes. I mean dude He's gonna keep it the whole fucking show. Well, I mean he needs a feeling embarrassment. I mean no You should So I was scoped was pissing you off me on the couch doing by the way. Jesus God. I'm fucking scared. That's all I'm saying. He has a fucking laugh at one

time. Hello. Unless I say something mean to him. Then he loves it. All say PE P Might have been my best one ever So what happened after the I'm gonna do a read First of all you fucking a horse lonely Pretty good Lauren heavy, let me ask you question. What do you want? Any answer me, don't, please, I want you to be truthful with me. I don't want you, I don't, like Kelly told me that she let Louis suck her titty. That's pretty truthful.

Yeah, we did it. You never high five her again. Can I get hypnotized by underneath your arm? Oh, I got some flood. Sorry, I got some too, Kelly. Listen, you look good. Yeah. Let's do. All right, here's a deal. Kelly. Listen, you look good. Let's do.

All right, here's a deal. Okay. Have you ever been peed on? Yes. What? What? In the shower. In the shower.

Hey, go, hey, go, stop. All right, shut up. Don't you even fucking go and end the story right now. Okay, so you? Scopo, see if she wants a soda or something. That's good. You good? What are you something. That's good. You good?

What are you doing with that commercial? So babe, so you, let me read this commercial and we'll get back to you. What? Teaser. Yeah. Someone's listening. Can I put this in a coffee?

Someone's listening to Howard. Yeah, can we get him a coffee? Everybody in the room hang out there live when we, back in a second, we're gonna run these ads. So what's up? Right now it's 127, 120, 130, 130 one. Okay, hey, check this out. You stock up, save time and money, right?

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¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida, Murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consult. I got the salmon. Oh my God. And there was a fish to a cod. You think it's going to, oh, it's cabbage. Salmon's also a fish. Salmon's a fish. I got salmon, but I got catfish, they sent. And I'm like, what do they sent these spice with it? The, the, the, the, the ingredients are right there. And I'm not a big, uh, catfish guy. I don't need bottom dwelling fish because they always get like, uh, I know, I know, but I'm telling you I, um, this is a good white fish. And I loved it. Yeah.

It was, it was great. The scent. Love white fish. White fish is the best. The fish. Does it, does it arrive already pre no you got a cook it? No the everything's pre-portioned It's a great. So you don't see like the eyeballs of the fish No, yeah, they send you the whole fish With the fuck red next hand stuck in its mouth because he was noodle and I Did that catch you I Buddy, I'm kidding. You know you're gonna be fucked with so you know, that's alright I want you to all the premium members that have gone and joined the premium channel right now.

Well, I'm setting up another live show for August. We're going to be doing it at the brand new comedy club, the pussycat lounge comedy seller comedy at the pussycat, which is just open Saturday night. We're going to be doing it there live. We're going to have special guests. We're going to try to work something out. It's going to be fun. That's a premium member only. We have the pod fest up there for premium members, the video and the audio. So both are up there. You guys who joined, it's 199 go to iTunes, go to Android platform.

Get the you know what dude podcast app the Robert Kelly app for free and sign up from there And you can become a premium member and get all the premium content Look you don't have to do that. Well latest 10 shows always free to our fans latest 10 shows always free He couldn't a text Literally just a fucking show So it for August can me and Joe really book the show yes August August you do August because I'm taking the whole month off What I'm taking the month off why can't I be now of comedy and everything but maybe

Maybe I'll be here, but you're booking it. We're booking a Joe. Yeah, so tell fucking Jo Yeah The month of August, so tell fucking Uh, Foxy Scope I got a Four-Bag Lauren hat

That they're not involved in the month of August. They can do what they do. They show Yeah You're not doing it at a dual social media. You still need a lot of them. I'm not doing your fucking social media. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing your fucking social media. We're booking the You still have to do both it. You're booking the Fucking talk to her like that. I want to die. Let me hit that forehead.

And it's going to be great. Oh, good. Oh, I hit the mic. We're going to be all inclusive. It's going to be all gay, transgender, black. I'm in. It doesn't matter who's funny. We're just going to go home.

All right, so let's wear back. Here's the deal. Speaking of boxes, finish that story. Yeah, P.P. It's a P.P. story. So listen, just like this. All right, there. Who peeped on you first of all? Speaking of boxes finish that story. Yeah, Pp's so so listen Who peep peep on you first of all so I used to have this boyfriend that I used to like fuck on and off One time we went to a hotel and we would just I

Slowed out stop slow down. So now so is a boyfriend. You just What was that Where's didn't know that was that. Where's the bomb band in it? Oh, I got it. It was going to bomb me that. Give me that. If everyone laughed, it can't be a bomb. I'm not.

I'm just wondering where it is. When you speak, I look for the bomb bandana. It's just an instinct. That's a good one, Bobby. I like that. Thank you. So you're with the sky. All right.

So we used to like fuck all the time, but there's one particular time. How much time? Now, up until there's what's the craziest thing up up until you peep. Well did you just think about it? You know that's crazy anymore Bob. But you're crazy. Did you think of fuck is but no his butt? You lick his butt.

She he finger finger fuck your butt. Do you like that? I feel like girls never like it. We just know because we want to finger in. No, we don't like it. No, no, they like it. I never do that. Finger but they know that is not finger. No, we don't like it. No, they like it. I never do that. No, that is not true.

No, Italian girls. I'm Italian. I'm Italian. Greek girls. Do you like it in the butt? No, she doesn't. No, I don't like it in the butt. That's how she got them. No, I never did it before. It was gross. I know a girl. This some girls like it in the butt. I know a girl who loves it.

I like the finger in the butt for girls instead of finger in my butt, right? I think girls like a pressure on there Girl's ass all day. Yeah, that's what you do. Yeah, love eating ass This is like Joe's looks like two assholes pressed together Ask to ask I should a shot All right, so you we started fucking in the shower and then he was like get like get on your knees Joe, could you fucking come hang on one second? You're doing a side fucking podcast put the phone down and come the fuck back to the show I'm getting my teeth boiling hot stop and I took it over here

So I didn't spill a gallon of boiling hot water over here. It's a cup. It's a cup and you're yelling. Yes We'll do it on the fucking And then he started being on your face stop stop stop stop go back go back Shut up. I'm doing don't fight me on this slow down trying to help you fast forward. I'm trying to help rewind I'm trying to help you Listen to this they want to hear it. So you so you're at it. You're at a hotel. You're gonna fuck right? On 17 right?

On on 17 right oh yeah I know I know I know because that's where everybody goes to fucking piss on chicks So so you check it in the hotel you're just gonna fuck right we're just Say the fuck why do you take a shower though? No, we had been busy for a while As a magic we had to shave your own while We were like let's get in the shower so we get in the shower. So you stop, slow down. Because you don't have to tell a fucking sex story.

You stop telling me like I'm your cousin. So we check into the hotel. The best way to tell is shirtless. So you check in the hotel, you go in, you stop to fuck. You're fucking, you're sucking, it's great. Then you're like, OK, let's go to the shower and fuck some more I mean, like I want you to make up to wash off though It's imperative that it doesn't come off

Because then your eyebrows will come off And you will look like a fucking Japanese wrestler You know lippled disappear. Let's not go into the shower. That's not. Let's not wash off your cool wigie makeup. Oh my god. For the sake of it, I had water proof of mascara.

Okay. Let's take your hair off. I'd rather do that. Let's take your chicken cutlets out of your brain. I don't even bother. All right, so listen. So you go in the shower. Right, you make him wash his off. He goes, ah!

And then he's, I'm sorry, sorry. The drain's all clogged with fucking... It's all in there. I think eyelashes. These are my real ones. I'm sorry. Oh Sorry, the drains all clogged with fucking I think eyelashes I think you look great thanks job. Yeah, I think you're beautiful The drains clogged up the tanning solution

Self-tanner and fake eyelashes 15 15 times ellipses to make your lips I was gonna say why is your finger on the trigger? This is why we fucking can't have guns This fucking dummies holding in their hands they feel tough. You're actually right. That is a good shot accidentally That is the reason you know Shots up in the back of the mouth. That is not the reason good shot accidentally that is the reason you know that that is not the reason so you're in the shower you're in the shower you're a totally different guy you're not a guy you're just people know

understand this Lauren is hot she does a good makeup application nice bit but I don't I don't think it's based on any truth. It really is that the way it goes. That's not exactly how I feel but I want to plan a scene in case something happens to my wife. You psycho. He's not even drawing anymore. He's like doing that I was like, I know. Skopo doesn't fit anybody. He doesn't even dry. He's not even dry anymore. He's like Lewis. All right, here we go.

All right, anyway. Jesus Christ. So you go into the shower, you turn the water on, you get it nice where you need it to be, and then you've got to get down on your knees. You suck it. You probably suck it. Well, he sucked for a while, yeah.

You fucked her in the shower. OK, so now you go down the dry pus. You were really into it. Yeah. Wait, what was his tone when he told you to get on your knees? I was just, I was doing a high G. Yeah, he's like, just get down. And I was like, okay.

Get down on your knees. So what do you sound like? What do you mean he did? So I got down. What do you sound like? With her. Get down on your knees. Did he sound like a Jersey guy?

Was he a Jersey guy? Was he a older guy? No, no, he's like two years old. Two years old than me. Am I a my good down on your knees? Maybe you have to get down on your knees. Get down on your knees. Get down on your knees. I don't care what your face looks like without makeup. You just like get down on your knees. You get down your knees and your knees hurt.

Right, right down On your knees to tell right yeah, so then you're on your knees right I'm like cold because the hot water is not Hit again. Yeah the cold right exactly but your nips are getting all fucking hard right Yes, I'm so rock saw right But there's all the stuff come up so it looks like you're melting You're bringing it solid Was that video in the 80s the music but here were like the paints melting up the pages? Uh-huh.

Good one. So. Oh, no. Oh, the name of the thing is, uh-huh. It's it. Oh, man. Take on it. It is, uh-huh.

Yeah, but she still got here. She went good one. Uh-huh. No, but she thought he was saying, uh-huh, but she tagged on to it. Anyway, listen. I'm melting away. It's like in some penis. So your second penis, right?

Yeah. And then all of a sudden, I don't think cook it. I can say dick. So, second, so what about these? So, second, I like to say, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, you don't need a euphemism.

OK. So, second, cocks. So, second, cocks. So, second, cocks. Cocks, they cock, cock. I got a euphemism. Okay. So, suck in his penis. Cawks, a cock. Cawks. I got a lot of fucking assholes and chats that need your cock. So sucking his cock. And then he was like, takes it out and he's like, I'm going to pee on you.

And starts literally peeing on my face. And I was like, didn't ask you first. Nope, just started peeing. He said, everyone, go ahead, though. He said,, I'm gonna pee on you, that's him asking. I was doing it, like, get hurt. And that's one of one, you don't give him the opportunity to say no. Is he a diabetic, did he not have a choice?

No. I'm gonna pee on you, oh my God, sorry. I don't know how you physically go for like hard dick, get your dick sucked to piss. You have the valve. You have the valve open. It's flipped over to come though. Yeah, you gotta come valve. You gotta get it softened. So I like valve. You have the valve. It's flipped over to come though. Yeah, you got a come valve. You got a, you got a, it's all. So I like moved and a lot of the way and he started

like peeing on. You didn't like it? And I'ming it. And then this sort of shitting on you. That's how he's doing. Who was there? He started shooting it. That's how you used to put your eyebrows back on. That was my nightmare when I was 15. What was he? The first time I was a woman. No, the first time you were a Jersey sheep with too much makeup? No, the first time I would get a blowjob. I would end up peeing on her. Oh, I had a comment.

When you were 19, you hadn't had a blowjob yet? I said 15. Well, you were 15 years old. We had that as well. I feel when I calm on my pay. What do you do? That's called squirting. Yeah, squirting. No, it's different. Squirting, different to pe is different to pay. No, it's not. That's what we found out.

It's all thanks to the fucking prevail. You listen to any of Joe Rogan's podcasts. It's, yeah, it's, it's piss. But I never thought of it as a joyful thing. But, but piss, look, when you make a girl fucking piss on you because you made her come so hard, it's pretty good. It's, you take the hit on that one. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not I'm not I'm not in the face. I heard that doesn't I'm not into pee. I don't like the fuck a smite and girl pee is is fucking weedy. Just when we Yeah, it's like very far man. I'm gonna sports. Girl. He is very potent. I mean, I think guys are RP is a little more popcorn-y.

You know what I mean? He can't be better than us. Why would you have a- Lord, tell a pissing story. We should have a hot story. That was hot. That's hot. That's not hot. She didn't know who's gonna piss on it.

That's what makes it hot. She moved out the way. And he tried to aim at it. I'm not like, I let him aim at my test. So wait, stop. No, this would aggravate to me about you, okay? No, no, no Tiss. Wait, stop, stop. This would aggravate me about you, okay? No, no, no, no, you fucking eyes,

because I'm making a point. I'm better at this. Either I'm right or I'm wrong, but I have to. She's a victim in the story, Bob. Yeah. Her eyebrows. Well, she's not a victim.

She thinks she's hotter than she really is. Which one? Oh, fuck it now. She's not a victim. She's not a victim. Because the guy said I'm gonna pee on you. He starts to pee, and then she moves out of the way a little bit but then continues to let this guy piss on her she didn't say no you crazy what

the fuck are you doing he said what wait let me just go through this he said what it's just let me pee in your mouth. And then what'd you say? And I was like, absolutely not. And then he shot it for my mouth and I was like, fuck this, no. And then we just kept fucking. Oh, you fuck him afterwards, man.

Sorry, sorry. I got a big, where the worst. I didn't say it when you were with him. You raped him. Where the worst? We'll say it, Kelly. Go ahead, say it.

It's just like, I mean, I get what Lauren's coming from, but like happens all the time, I guys do a shit thing and it pushes out boundary that went already full. And then we fuck him anyway afterwards, because I remember what we, like we did. That's what happens.

Stop, stop. Sometimes, and hang on, one second. Sometimes, stop. He's laughing hysterically at fucking women being taken advantage of. So I just want, that's what gets us. Literally, he's fucking cracking up. He's laughing hysterically at fucking women being taken advantage of That's what gets literally he's fucking cracking up It's funny. She said no. What's on love? His ankles are the same colors as forms go ahead

Lewis go sometimes women like a fucking man to take control and to push the boundaries some women don't This way you have to communicate clearly But sometimes a guy that really pushes you in a way where you feel like I don't know okay, well he's already pissing so what where are we now? I'm in a I'm gonna tell you in the way and I'm like all right just do it and I'll just get out The difference is is that I knew I've known of my whole life so it wasn't like it It wasn't a new guy. It wasn't a new guy. So it was like you had a friendship with this person. So him doing this is almost like, dude, you're a fucking idiot.

Exactly. And then after that night, we didn't. You didn't fucking anymore. That was it. Because he pissed on you intentionally without your permission. And you went with it because you're in the shower anyways. I have known him so that was like a lover. Yeah, you're not on a fucking rollercoaster.

Yeah, that's a great idea. You're not on the Bronx Zoo with the photo booth. Let's check his Twitter feed right now. Now're not the Bronx Zoo with the photo booth. Right. Let's check his Twitter feed right now. I'm glad you didn't go back. So you didn't find it at all sexy, it all always. I mean, can you be honest, look, I'm not in the pings, but I've seen some videos. And there's something about when somebody else is into something, you know, taboo like

that. But I don't like to be made the fucking whore in the scenario without like talking about right so you're okay with being a whore if you do talk about it yeah that's like the role we're gonna play right that wasn't so you so there is a potential for you to be pissed on again in your life maybe really you also you know Lewis is crossing his fingers right now also but you you grow how you think you grow as a whole together like it's something like if I'm going to be a whole with a guy we all like see I'm not going to go from zero to a hundred whole right we want a whole well someone to go from one to two twenty some women do something

I don't know what that means. Oh, you're fat. I know. I literally was like, I can say this because I'm fat, dude. I did an artist. I know what Shelby jokes when I hear him, baby. Yeah, I mean, look, you're right, but you know, that's why he fucked up. And that's why he's not. He didn't end it up not fucking you anymore.

But sometimes you, you, some girls like to be thrown up against the wall and fuck you. Pulled back in the hair and you want to fuck me get this dick bitch. Yeah, some girls call the cops and you have to do that. Some girls say yes and then they start to cry and you stop and they say do it again. Yeah, I need to cry to come. You're like, whoa, what the fuck is gonna happen?

You're like dropping the ball, Bobby. She just said she likes that. Switch over to her. Like the hair pulling and going to the wall. Babe, I know that she does that and over to her like the hair. She wants to get her hair. Let me get the roll baby. I know that she does that and I am switching over to that. But I wanted my friend Lewis to get a little joke out because it was funny. Okay, you fucking pervert. No, you dumb dumb.

That Trump's any joke. That's not mine. Let's save the notes till after the fuck once someone's like, yeah, when my head slamming it's the wall and fucked. You got to get swing. I know, but I know she likes that. She likes to be dominated. She likes to be forced. And you know what? Can I mean, I like it. I like to be forced. I like to be dominated. And it's hard to find a girl to dominate a guy.

Because it's, it got tied up. It's on what? What? I got to fuck out. I had two meetings at the same time. That didn an happen, Lewis and have meetings. Go ahead. I know by an SDR show, I got tied up by Dumber Tricks. Oh, come on. You did. You always plug in. That doesn't count.

No, it's not my show. I'm not. You can check it out a message and it'll make me mad. He's a promo code. This isn't your personal life. Thank you, professional life. I thought you made a good change. Does that fuck you up to get tied up?

Didn't bother me in the slightest bit. Let me ask you a question. Do guys like it when girls dominate to the point of making them feel like little boys? Yes, yes, I do. I love a girl. Let me tell you something. I Love a girl when she's like Because I'm always fucking dominant and everything I do I've always been the fucking and it's like when a girl's like, I want to fucking, I'm gonna fuck you. You're gonna eat my pussy. You fuck, I love it. I fucking love it. Oh, God. I love it. I don't like to be hit. I don't like to be dominated. I'll be pushed around a choked a little bit, but do not scratch my fucking money maker. Don't you watch your money maker my face?

It doesn't make me a lot of money, but it makes some don't fuck with my change maker Well confidence is sexy no matter which channel is talking Sorry, you're not used to seeing me here. I'm not like you're one of these regular schmothers. I know, I'm just, no, that's not it, but go ahead. I am. You're not fond of how this guy in the catch was laughing while we were talking about getting paid on. Why were you laughing? No, he was laughing.

No, he wasn't laughing. That was laughing it when a girl says no. Get, use the microphone. I was laughing because... I'm scared. I'm scared. Oh, it says no. Get used to microphone. I was laughing because I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. No, Kelly said that like, oh, so many times, the guys

will try to pee on me, and then I'll just let them fuck me anyway afterwards. No, I was like that. He was kind of like that. No, it wasn't like that at all. That's what you said. Oh, no, okay, we'll finish. Kelly, can you not fight with him?

I'm not fighting with him. You have to cut your fucking body out. No, he isn't. I'm going to cut with that. He's not a sculptor. He's using real bodies. Yeah, I'm with Eric Harris. That is what she said there.

Oh, shit. I want to old-school in your asses. Kelly, take this gun with you when you leave Yes, I would love I mean have you ever dominated a guy? Not really know you don't like it right you like to be dominated actually I mean Not to the point of like making feel like a little boy and like messing with him and that I don't want that But I would love a girl. She's like look it fuck you bitch. I've talked. Yeah, stop being a bitch I want a fucking I want a sucky dick. I want a fuck I want a fuck we're fucking stop stop with the

games. Stop with it. Let's just fuck. I had a girl sick. Go down on me and like it. Who was that? I'm not going to say who she was. You are.

I'm okay. What do you mean? Did she work at the connection? Followed another. No. No, no, no, no, anyone knows. That doesn't sound dominating. That sounds like a general six tool. It's like it's a hardcore. Go down on me, anyone knows. That doesn't sound dominating, that sounds like a general six-tall.

It's like, it's a hardcore. Go down on me and like it. That's pretty dominating. Go down on me and like it. I had a girl go eat my, I was like, you should, you should push, you smell. Because she did, it was a big bush. She's like, listen, you don't like to smell a pussy.

Fag, the dony pussy. Yeah, I was like, well, I guess you fucking smelly box then. Because I, you used a versatile college here. Yeah, she really did. I was getting 30 points. And that not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I love you and pussy, but if it's fucking nasty, it smells like Lamar's class pussy. It's always really hairy You know

I wasn't really a joke. It was more like Comedy book where says get specific Make hand gestures I can't help it. I'm a T. L. Young Anyway, sorry, I I had a girl same girl, where she would sit on my face and then hold my nose and say choke on it. And that was really awesome. Yeah, I was way into that. I'm gonna go get you this stuff.

I'm gonna go get you this stuff. I'm gonna go get you this stuff. I'm gonna hold my nose until I couldn't, and then she'd be like, yeah, choke on it. And then she'd be like, now smell it. I really like. How do you feel about the 69? I love it.

I'm like, I'm sometimes. I love it. I love it. I love it. I like a pussy in my face. But I like when the cock is in my The girl gets off better show should be moaning and shit which hums so make sure it makes the fucking blowjob better It's a better a worse blowjob. It's almost never had a blowjob

The tongue the tongue's on the wrong side. I don't feel insecure about the blowjob I'm getting because it's a it's a different angle. You do it on the side So you're not giving a lot of hand with that blowjob. You're not giving a great blowjob Oh, I always get hand you know and that should be some wet yeah Yeah, don't you suck in a dick like guy suck dick you ever see gay porn did you? I've heard Why are you listening to gay porn? Did you? No, Bobby. No. I've heard. Why are you listening to gay porn? You want to borrow my shirt?

That was a test for the guy on the couch and Sean. They both partnered up. Well, now we're talking my language. You need a lot of my parents who are listening in. You need a lot of... You need a lot of hand. Women? If you...

Seriously, I've seen gay porn and gay porn guys They suck dick just to suck dick to get you to feel good women when they suck dick It's exotic. It's fucking said they lick and Huh, and they make eye contact and they suck and then they go fast and they stop and they use two hands and they twist and they grab you say say like a Purse a couple of people who know just like yeah, I'm a little librarian. They're not just librarians are fucking librarians The dirty lawyers a dirty and doctors of fucking dirty because they never fucked the mess with the school I thought you man like specific names

I contact really big man when you blow on a dude and you give me my contact I don't like the eye contact. It's creepy. I don't like content He gave me out and he looks me in the eye. I'm like get the fuck out of my eyesight I hate it. Yeah, it's too hard for the girl to look up. She looks like a horror movie. It's like your eyelashes falling off here. A girl looking up, blowjob, because they do not wait below their eye, because they're looking up like this.

It's creepy looking. So if a guy's eating a pussy, he looks at you. I'm immediately turned off. Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I don't know what it is. I'm at the same level. I'm at the same level. I like to fucking look right in her pussy.

I just look right in there Yeah, like pay attention to what you're doing. She immediately feels guilty for making a guy eat that big hole When I eat pussy my eyes are closed because I find it yucky Usually I put a mouthless close to because it's small Oh Elephant wins that sound was the bomb Dana smashing into I But what about what about the like what about like a like a fucking get down and lick my feet, you fat. No, no. No, no, no. I don't like, you know what, I don't like,

I do fucking success. I do. I don't like, right, AdLive. I like when I grow up big J-Success. I don't like when I grow sucks on my fingers. They don't like me. You don't like it or you don't. That's disgusting.

Sucks on your fingers. No fingers, no toes. No, girls will do it, you will be fucking like. Suck on your fingers. I'm like, my fingers on the mouth, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, after she sucks her cock and swallows. No, she got to go wash her mouth out. Really? Well, actually, Naker, go wash her mouth out. What is wrong with you? You don't have to go to the toilet. I was there.

15 minutes, hang on, hang on. 15 minutes until I fucking saliva comes in up, but not right afterward. No, I'll kiss her. I've got girls trying to fucking us, no more me. And I will punch a bitch right in her fucking cheek. We're not talking about snowballing. What you're talking about?

You've just come in her mouth. And now you're having a very fun talk. How much, can I tell you something? Yeah. You all right? Yeah, he just said punch it girl in his face I'm saying When a girl when you suck our decks, yeah, and and you swallow our comedy and you have you have the it's a weird It's a weird your face is shiny your lip everything's it's a weird you should go wash up a little But I mean look if you're in the heat of passion and you fucking I will take the hit on your com breath I'm not gonna make it. I don't I don't suck dick and I don't swallow girls

I don't swallow and I don't like swall gonna make it. I don't suck dick. And I don't swallow girls' lips. I don't swallow. Hey, I don't like swallowing and comb, okay? I don't like comb. I do. I don't like it either. You don't like it either? I don't like it either. I don't like it.

If you don't like it, then don't do it. I don't like when a girl swallows my comb. I like jerking off on a girl. I like girls suck at my dick and coming on her titties or on the floor. I don't want you to swallow it. What? I don't want a floor.

I don't want a fucking girl swallowing my floors, though. That's the problem. You're gonna clean that up. So what? I'm fucking a towel. It cleans right up. You're gonna corp it. You clean it right up. I've walked barefoot in your house. Not my house. I have my hardwood floors and a maid.

I'm gonna put you in your house. I don't jerk off. I don't jerk off. I would jerk off in the shower in my house. I don't even do that anymore, because the plumber came and said said you have to tell your wife to stop putting the grease in the drain from the baking I know you're like that's my come. No It was my come with our hair, but there is clogging the drain. It does get the fuck out. I swear to God. Oh my God. It's terrifying Bacon grease in the shit He was like it bacon grease is mixing with the hair. What?

Yeah. You come back in the room. How much bacon could you possibly do? Wait, there is like a double-steady one. Did you? I love that he said the joke and then you just fucking Lewis Gomez did. How much bacon? Oh, look at me, overacting.

So I got bam bam I don't know I would never expect to go out of my life What she's mouth after he went down on me I'm like I'm real good wipe it with my hand No, that's not a problem Way different, way different Because you're not fucking ejaculating into our mouths You're gushing on it

No you're not, you're gushing on it I can't get out of my head Get your hand off that I'm gushing on it. No, you're not you're pussy. You got it I can't get out of my head Got you get your hand off from gassing on When you we're literally shooting a load of kids what if you don't come in my math? Let me finish Let me finish Fucking finish Fucking don't shut the fuck up. I know

I'm fucking. I'm good. I'm good. Stop, Paul. It's a party. It's a party. It's a party. It's a party. It's a party.

It's an amazing. You should get fireworks for every time. It's 25 minutes from Taylor. Amazing joke formula. You stop the whole show and say once it's at a time and then you interrupt the very. Something always. I think I think coming I think it's way different eating a girls pussy is way

different than swallowing a gigantic two week load. Yeah and then having you're you're eating you're actually you could become you could be hungry swallow load and not be as hungry. That's why I'm making it afraid We're thinking about that. Why don't they just come in each other's mouth. Oh, I'm naked and afraid you get that protein Dude, it's a lot of calories. It's like 2000 That is not that many You're fucking mine

You have to eat a whole fucking rotisserie chicken My Big load You're not doing a whole fucking retisserie chicken. My chicken is talking about my hers. She's talking about my cup. A big load. You look at any idea I can't do. I can't do it. It's like eight calories. Hang on a second. Why don't they fry it like an egg?

2,000 calories is what the diet is based on. That's how much you've been eating a day. That's three square meals in a single. Five calories. Five calories you'd more own. But that's five calories that could get you What you need to go she's talking about sucking 5,000 Dixie there type in could you? Yeah, she's talking Jersey second. Yeah, let me ask you question

But you do a cup of piss, you know, let me get another type in if you could survive off your own come That's an interesting question you pose an interesting question. Has it is it a survival technique? Can you eat your own gizz? I don't think I'm not smart, but I don't think you can survive. You can't survive of anything coming out of your body because you would have already been. You could drink you could drink your own pee. Can you not to survive? I'm not a survive. You eat semen to survive. Somebody has asked this question before. Of course.

Of course there has. Anyway, say, what do you think we're fucking original people in this room? What is this? This was posed by Make a big. Pumpsagoras podcast. I told them make it bigger. Always make it as big as the fucking thing. Make it as big as Kelly's tits. And

That's a computer. What does it say? Each teaspoon of ejaculate has about five to seven calories and some 200 to 500 million sperm. Since sperm can make up about one percent of seam in what accounts for the other 9% and its ingredients include fructose sugar, water, protein, zan. Yeah, but five calories a day is, I mean, how many loads do you get a day? I mean, you're not going to live on. Yeah, but you can actually get, you can, that would help you if you jizzed into a cup and

drank it and that would help you. A bixican cup. I'd say, wow. It might be like fanning yourself in the summer though, where you're doing more harm than good, because the energy it takes to beat one off. Now, but what if some girl sucking your dick with fucking both hands? Yeah, what if he's just lying there, and she's just sucking you off? Like, you're, like, you're, what if a goat is just backing into your cock?

But you guys, so you have your own food, you're just not sharing it with her. Yeah, I like this scenario. I'm into it. What are we getting the chat room? JK says I want to give Lauren two thousand calories He picks the chat That's a Bobby chat and there's a that's a relevant chat. There is chance that we have some ignorant fans though Yeah, there's a little bit. Well, I I love it just say it's five to seven calories got a thousand years uh... angiore jackson and your jackson says bobby tell it he's i think it's scopos brother i mean uh... deep was brother go ahead

uh... okay uh bobby telling people uh... he likes eating pussy is like finding out he likes eating anything i I don't get it. I wish we could have a bomb dander for the chat room. We do. They do. They do. Scobo made another. That wasn't me.

That wasn't me. Sorry. I should have known. Who was it? You forgot about me. Oh, there you go. What else? You forgot about me.

What else you got? I'm not trying to understand that joke that it's just wordy It was a wordy fat joke, but I give him credit You could have just been like game with ruins going. Yeah, which they all do but go ahead. What else? He's usually funny actually. Mm-hmm. Justin freshie says scopo is like a union superhero How looks like a union superhero. How? Looks like a union leader. Are you ready? Look the fuck is wrong with you. I'm making the best of what I got here.

That's possible. You got the real the latest one. Just the latest one. One Grenado says good one, Deepu. That's always worse. It always fucking worse. I guarantee you. My chat room will always get a big laugh that deep was shat.

Well listen, this has been a fucking... I can't, we're not ending. What are you talking about? We're ending, I have to get another hour. Is that gonna be a good show? We're not going another hour. And... I have a 5 AM flight.

And... Don't physically touch people in here. Also this building is 300 years old, so when you shove me, I go down hill. Don't shoot them. Touching me with the Bernie fingers. Boone? Oh! Yes, it's his voice box, you never talk again!

Oh wow! Clear my voice. Oh, I don't want to. It's not going to be soda. It's not getting successful. I'm not going to be soda, just call me up. Lewis gets the biggest laugh of the show and then immediately explains the joke to the people laughing.

That's not right. I'm going to look at the things. The room explodes because my voice changed. That's what happened. Did you see it, Dad? I did it. You really are just a shitty DJ. I don't know if that one either.

No! Hey, we got so many things I didn't get. Yeah, wow, that's what this show's called. Zings I didn't get. Oh, that PE one was so good, though. That was good one. Why don't we have more Lauren's sex story? What the hell's going on here?

We can't, like, we're not doing that. Can we give her her own podcast and Ryan Cassar's sex story? Is it Lauren? Yeah, be fucking... I thought it would be the same thing podcast and Ryan cancer sex or is it Lauren? Yeah be fucking It would be the same thing over and over fucking a tying guy in a hotel and fucking root 17 We have to make it unless you get new ones It can be a podcast. Hey We can call you know how she fuck

Fish no she's not good. She's not fucking anybody Right now you haven't fucked anybody and a long time right wait till I pull her hair and slammer against the wall She likes it. She said she likes it. Remember guys, son tape. You say you'd go out with Lewis, right? No, no, no, no. I'm gonna show. Go ahead and ask a question. What? If I if I pay for it, you guys go out to dinner. Listen, good luck getting this money. I'll give you my card, boy. I'm always so sad. Don't shoot me, you piece of shit. What about what about Rennon her spark? Sorry picture you're allowed

Why are you acting like I'm fucking Hey, could I you would be great date. I know I would be given the cut instead of going on a date with Lewis Her make and go out on the town For all that food. You're gonna pay for it. Yeah. What are you doing? You're on phone?

Don, you're on live on the show. Hi, Don. Hi. I'm not here. Don, you're on live on the show. Bobby, I'm cheating on you. I had to tell you. Don, Don.

Don. Yes. Don, you're on live. You're on the show. OK. I got you. Oh, please, don't touch me. Why don't you use the sexy voice? Hey, she're on the show. Okay. I got you Why she is the sexy voice

Fuck that I got you. I don't know I look at we need to write the check for fucking I forgot Joe's in and I own that other money. I need to get a check for now. Here's 300 Here's what but here's who here's a bug to me is that he he honey. I explained this to you He has t-shirts right that he put on my t-shirt thing That he asked me to he made $270 off the t-shirts all I've never been paid the money for those shirts But somehow for doing him the favor I have to oh I'm gonna be I owe him $270 that I never got So I'm out $270 to pay him for t-shirts that I sold on my website. So for some reason it cost me money for fuck but I need the money. I need that check because I am sick of Joe having something over me. Okay?

Okay. $270 and then another more than that. Come on with it. What is it? You're the only man in the wrong person. What is it? What is it? You're right here. You're busting my ass.

No, call the guy. What's the money? What's the money? I don't remember it was six years ago with interest. It's like $1800. It's like $1800. It's like $1800. God, and you, $270, and then I think there's another hundred

and then I'm done with them. I'm done with them. and I gave him the 50 tonight With it's not no, but there's no more now. There's roast this computer business. There's no computer. I'm the f-shirt What computer draft final draft? They have final draft. How much was it? That was $100. How much was it? That was on total. Okay, listen Tell Joe list to come up with an invoice Yeah, thank you, don'll give him a check.

Thank you, honey. I love you. He's not going to have to do it in voice. She knows that. She knows what she's doing. She's the fucking. She's trying to. I know.

Chase it from Boston knows how to do it in voice. What am I, a chiseler? What word do you use? Nipple Chaser. First of all, chiseler's in the dictionary, dummy. Yeah. It is. I know. Yeah, he treated that me too. He treated that me too. Yeah, you'reipple chiseler first of all chiseler's in the dictionary dummy yeah it is I know as chiseler yeah he treated me to he treated that me too yeah you're a chiseler yeah it's in the

dictionary you made me question my own smog yeah much chiseler you're a middleer what a nick a laugh because it's not true dumb dumb you are all right I love you honey I'll talk to you later hey did he go to sleep without the binky tonight? He's in We did I tell you he kept trying to get binkies out of me my kid. All right, I love it, baby. Bye-bye Many p on her face He on me. What if you say about you? Really? Yeah, what if you say about binky's? Oh, AP? He peed a little He he actually did he ask permission this fucking kid has it's funny, you know, we you took binky's away from

James never you never needed binky's he was just beyond that so Such a better baby the kid cries more than my fucking grandmother. What are you crazy? Why's your grandma? Sometimes the jokes have to be a fucking you know mystery. I make is that? You're constantly being double-team by black guys. Whoa! Wow. Just right there, huh? Grandma. She is a fucking smud.

Not mulled. So, um, yeah, he would take it the biggest way. He's fucking stored binkies around the, I'm on the couch. He, all of a sudden, has a binky. I take it away. He fucking reaches in, grabs another one in the cushions. I take that away, he goes across the thing in the toy, but he has binkies, he's three.

He's got binkies, fucking in there. Is one in your throat? No, no. Not loaded. That was better than in your video. Sean, what do you got buddy? What do you got Sean? Terrible timing.

Sean, what do you have to get? Are you plugging? Terrible hair line. Your hair is like from a Dr. Suce movie. Nothing really? We have to be more specific. I think your lip is too wet. You got a puddle on your lip. Nothing really. We have to be more specific. I think you're lipping through it.

You're the problem. You got to puddle on your lip. I'm in the fucking bomb band, Dana. First of all, don't throw it. Try your lips off with it. God, that was so many lies to your wife. That was crazy. I can't know.

So many lies. You're a piece of shit, dude. You really? You're a piece of shit. You're crazy? You lot your piece of shit, dude. You really your piece of shit. You're a piece of shit Here a piece of shit phone number. I'm gonna be shit. Joe's a piece of shit Joe's a piece of shit I got your bad cuz you always got mine. Thank you. You got this is Why do you have fucking Joe? I'm saying he's not a piece of shit He is a piece of shit because you know why he's fucking lying and he's extorting your fucking friend

He knows that a ruin a story he really does you fucking results my coffee. So what do you got besides fucking titties? What the fuck are you against me? I'm going to go to the gym. No, go ahead, dude. We can tell. What are you playing against? Yes. Oh, well, my podcast, the comics, comic presents, last things first. It's episode number 100 this week with Doug Stanhope, which I recorded during Skankfest at the game in the cave.

And then Doug Stanhope was on Stern yesterday. Yeah. And he said that his podcast was better. He, um, what? What? Fuck you. I love that you try to get away with that one. I don't know what happened.

He was fun. I mean, his story, he's so fucking funny, dude. Him and Bingo came on and get off the phone, you fuck. Get off your phone, you're on fucking camera. You throw the gun at me? No, I'm not gonna throw the gun at you, because then you'd have the gun, and there's fucking bullets on the other side.

I'm not stupid. He's fucking, I mean, did you listen to his turn up a song? No. Fucking, he came in with whiskey at like seven in the morning. I mean, he drinks like a motherfucker. Ah, yeah. It's crazy. It is crazy.

He's fucking hilarious. But some people can just do that. And it's just... He's like the keythritors of comedy. He really is. He really is. I love to stop at some point, but it does. No, because he's fucking who he is, and that's it. That's fucking it. I like it. He was great on Stern. What an episode. His book sounds fantastic. I'm gonna buy it too. It sounds fucking crazy. His mother jerked off a dog in front of him for shits and giggles, because it was funny. How crazy. And then it's a bunch of his stories about his early days in stand-up.

Yeah, that's great. He was actually him and Dane went at it at the San Francisco comedy competition. And he won. And Dane finished second. Yeah, for the second. Mitch Hedberg was three and Paul Nardzzy was up there as well. Crazy. Let him do it. What a fucking competition.

Yeah. Carrot Top was five. It's not true. Yeah, that's right. I read the fucking book, fuckface. What was the book called? Uh, digging up mother. It's, it's a love story.

It's a bummer how good a liar Louis is. Yeah. Fucking bananas. He's no fucking eyebrows. How you keep? Stone cold liar. Yeah. I swear to God, I read it in chapter 8

It's terrible. I can lie I think double down on a lie. It's terrifying. How good you can be at life He really is great at it. I try one second. I break out in the hives watch this Bobby doesn't owe me money By the way, I don't like these lies Now I'm gonna deal with people being like, yeah, you're fucking good. Yeah. Hey, what else you got? And then next week episode, number 101, features the one and only Robert Kelly.

We just had a lovely, lovely chat. We didn't really talk. I mean, here's a deal. Nice spoilers. Here's a deal. We didn't really talk about sex drugs and rock and roll, though, which I thought we were going to talk about more. No, we didn't really talk about sex drugs in Rock and Roll though, which I thought we were going to talk about more.

No, we're talking about you. Okay. But you should promote the show. Yeah, I have a 30th. FX. I have a gig that night. Come with here with the stars, Linda. We have an Erzie.

Yeah, Scopus on it. You can also watch it on FX now, the app. Get the app on your tablet or mobile phone. Nobody has that app though. I do. I do. It actually comes with your smart TV right there That's how I cut up on the Americans The episodes of the Americans that I missed I will never have to hear that And also go to the comics comic com.com for all this comedy news and

you man you're creepy guy I've loved you for a long time Sean you know I'm the last man standing in comedy journalism I thought laugh button yeah they just started up laugh sped start up like a week and a half ago they but they been doing a lot of the interbank started a week and a half ago But they'd be doing a urban there's a lot of the intero bang started up a week and a half ago Yeah, but they're there. It's can't you can't say that's personal last man standing means you're one of the original ones You're the first man standing to the first man, but you're still doing it Just take a compliment and dog trash People see you're from behind. They don't think you're a man, but anyway, yeah sure as soon as you turn around

So that face lap button them really close with them and into my- Nice guys and the left button guys also do my advertising, which- Yes. A weird kind of symbiosis. Yes, symbiosis. There's a word that not one person in here knows. I don't know why, Sean pissed me off a while ago.

I don't remember what it was. His face. You think that I've never treated you properly on my website? That's true. Well, he doesn't. Ha ha ha ha. Because I don't want some sort of kiss ass website that does. Oh. He's saying he's a real ass dude.

Yeah, I'm a real ass dude with a real ass comedy. That's my fucking catch phrase. I've beat it. But you came down and did the skank fest. Yeah, it comes with my fucking festival Is yours or is it Rebecca's Christine's? My mind for no, it's not Jason Dave's at all at all bad nothing to do with producing it. Are you kidding me? What are you so you and who me Christina Rebecca? Who's idea was it mine? And who who actually did all the work Christine? It's because because Lewis was pissed off at another

I got I got a great idea that I was because at a center block there there weren't your fucking phonies What's center block? It's a new festival that hasn't yet, but they've taken Where is it? $15,000 in some of your views from comics? Where is it here? If you're a woman or minority or gay person they charge you 77 cents on the dollar to submit and they charge white guys more money Which is just I think illegal I think it's illegal, but it's also they put it they put it in this like oh look We're we're helping women minorities, but you're still just charging young comics money to play your fucking festival You phone you're charging fucking white people. But why is that's reverse? Yeah, no, it's not reverse racism, just racism. Yeah, but it's, you know, whatever.

You know, I just love seeing it. I think they were trying to be cute about how. It's fucking not cute. Women in minorities make less money. It's not fucking cute. It's fucking disgusting. First of all, I'm saying, I'm saying it wouldn't make more money than everybody.

Well, first of all, minorities make more money than white people. Indian fucking guys make more money. Fucking women. Indian guys and fucking guys make more money fucking women indian guys and Asian guys make the most and and and let me tell you something it's it's up boss hey how can we do another hour of the boss is there a sit down boss hit we're just talking about explain we tell him what we explain in the box comedy festival the reason why they had skankfest put your headphones on one of the catalysts here? Here Did you just make that hat?

Go ahead. He take it off of the scary path. I think you have a Puerto Rican explaining something. Go ahead Well, nothing I didn't mean you okay So Cinder Buckham and Veso they were submission fees, which is fucked up to begin with. But if you were a white guy, you had to pay the full submission price. But if you're a woman, minority or gay person, you paid 77 cents on the dollar to submit. Shall? Additionally, you paid? For us, I mean, so if you're a woman, I'm minority or gay person, you pay less than me, you, Louis, Joe would pay.

Well, first of all, you shouldn't have to pay for any submission. Very absolutely. Absolutely. But why were you on them a fucking favor by fucking performing at your stupid festival, where they're going to make a forged in front of it, and now you got a... There was a... Are you alright? Yeah, I just ran.

There was from... Oh, listen, that's your career that you ran to get here from my act Downshed it was a company that if you wanted to work your clubs you had to send them a You know a DVD and a twenty five-dollar submission. Yeah, we're going to look at it go fuck yourselves Yeah, you know, they're just it's that's why all these new bullshit festivals work They make you because then they don't have to worry about selling tickets, booking, real acts, getting advertising. It's just a bullshit. And they go and they fucking, they pay some big act, tons of money,

fly them in hotel, whatever the fuck they want, and all these younger comics take the bite on bringing this fucking. When a comedy festival should be about the the younger generation, more so than the fucks who made it. You know, I know you have to use those big names to sell the tickets, but it should be about the next mother fuckers coming up and it should be about funny. I gotta say, boss fuck, the podcast murdered it. Everyone's talking about funny you guys were at skate. Oh, man, your standup unbelievable. Bonnie was fucking just. Well, this standup, standing up. I believe the Bonnie was fucking just unreal.

Well, this stand up, I headline the show and I have to admit, anyhow, that festival was at the Skank Fest. I don't know if you, I want to call the festival or just a drug den. I mean, they were doing tattoos downstairs in a basement. Like you get hepatitis with your tattoo. It felt like a bikey club. It was kinda cool though, to divide, because everybody, like it was cool, like,

stand hope and tag glass and, Jay, and just different walks of life of comedy. It was cool, it was really fucking cool. Yeah, you fucking murdered it, dude. It was fun, man. It was really, and then, the comedy Bible was there what's your name here fucking magazine comics comic comics comic comics comic I was doing great

interviews I'm gonna charge double head I know he was gonna be there oh Sean Sean but you know but here's your problem in life now you made the connection he's here I've known him for 10 fucking years so what are you saying he's never interviewed you no he's never fucking never said anything nice about me on his fucking way. What the fuck do you want him to say? You just tell a tone. That's all tone. You just started being nice. No, he posted some fucking backhandy compliment.

Like what? You too. Didn't he post some backhandy shit with you? They all do. The whole industry. Yeah, he was one of fucking posted about how you didn't get the joke with the top 1000 comments. Oh yeah. But I really didn't get the joke with the top one thousand comments. Oh yeah, but I really didn't. He was on top of it. I tried to act like I did. I mean, I was furious that I was in the top one thousand.

Well, listen, one thing about him, he's honest. He comes, look, there's certain people that do interviews for comedy and they turn the interview around about them somehow. Right. You know, he's at least on it. To me, like, he gives good opinions and... I don't remember what he wrote. Here's the other thing.

He did move here from Boston, gave up a push job at the herald came here to cover comedy in New York City and has done it. I hope his domain expires But you sound Lewis you sound like the people you hate that I like I never got to do letterman and never so he didn't write anything No, you know what's up the shitty I don't remember what it was but it was the fact that's all in your head This is like that's just like Joe taking Rob Roberts text out of a context. That was a bit. I did for the show. Yeah.

And this is a bit. It's still hurt. No. I don't remember what it was. I'm going to go back and look at Thomas Comick and remember what he wrote. Yeah, go back and click some more. I think while we have Rich here, he might want to hear about the rabid anti-Semitism that was happening earlier. Let's see how fucking crazy we're in.

I know. We don't know what you're talking about He's giving us another bit that's another bit started with this guy back here and then everyone jumped on except for me All right, I even one second I'm gonna he he's mad at Scobo that he won't let his friend no, that's not what matters. Who's a kite? That's not what I'm upset about. This is what happened. Tell a wrong business to be talking that way. What?

He's not in the business. And never will be. You understand? He's been saying the N word and fucking do that for years. It's over. This is what happened. I have a buddy. He's looking to move to New York City.

Great guy. Great comic. I say Scopo. And he rooms, opening up at your house. I want a guy he's looking to move to new york city great guy great comic i say scope of any rooms were opening up at your house i want a guy want to move in he goes yeah what's his name i said ronon her spurg and he went oh gross fuck no hang on one second and then everyone went yeah and then body goes yeah he sounds like a do she sounds shitty and i got that stuff that's not just them boss if I call you up and i go hey i got this, can you let him open for you? And you and his, what's his name? I went, Renon Hersper.

Renon. Renon Hersper. If he changed his last name. I was too jiu-i for me. What do you kiddin' me? This fucking little tassel's hangin' down and was black robe. Is it a backseat bobbin' back and forth? Reading backwards. Listen, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was-

You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was-

You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was-

You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was-

You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- You know, I was- I had a colored friend in high school. Okay, he's in A lot I went to all black high school you blew one from there Fucking jackass Jesus Christ. Oh don't ruin it don't stop. Don't fucking That was a fucking knee slapping You start getting I make I make jokes about Jews and everyone's like oh you can't do that But these motherfuck you call me a specter my god. I never said spec you just said it. I never called you a spec I that word is not my vocabulary, okay?

Listen, I you're one of my favorite people. I know. I love having you co-host. Well, you're a real friend. I'm talking about someone that I wouldn't hang out with, but, you know, I would use on something. Well, listen, here's a deal. I want to get back to this festival thing, and I know we kind of got sidetracked with this raced thing, but I, sorry, this festival thing is ridiculous. The fact that they're making people pay money and then they're playing some game with some whatever tending that it's like social justice thing where when you take it all side you're still just charging people fucking money to perform it. Well what festival? I remember like they I tried it I submitted for the Renaissance Festival and they wanted me to send a jousting video

I feel like you fucking up were in the cat skills You are the cat skills. I was that mean huh? by there now It's cargicide give him the bomb and then this motherfucker. I knew when you, the first one you had nowhere to go but now. We're on your fucking microphone. No, but like Montreal is in charge to go there. Of course not.

They're trying to do. But they make you pay your own way and hope. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, News faces news faces new face some of them. I wish your face was in a news. Oh for toe They make you pay for new faces no, you got to pay for your you got to pay your own way to get up there I don't know tell but you hold it. I don't know tell you have to pay for my hotel You didn't pay for your hotel. Yes, because you slept in a car That he started I did what I did it I had to pay my own way and pay for my own hotel So what you get paid to do the festival I might have got like a twenty five dollar per day Yeah, yeah, but no, here's the thing that's a legitimate you're not paying through the festival

You got to fucking get up there and then you're being showcased Can I say something about Montreal? You do from the new faces thing you'll get a manager and an agent if you have any if you are good Unless you already have a manager an agent Which is what new faces is now as people with managers and agents are Some of them do, but some of them are And but if you don't industry does go to those things and they do see you back You're me, and it's a big deal back in the it's a big fucking deal to have new faces

Montreal to do a brand new festival and charge To the Yonkers comedy festival and pay money to do that. That's fucking ridiculous There's a festival in Yonkers. There's a half a club that might not be open there No, that same club is one by the same guy books that books the Yonkers comedy festival charter submission fee They canceled on me the week of a fucking full weekend before I was going there because they weren't open to this was plumbing issues. Sure that it's a YouTube react. Um.

Thanks. Wow. I think that was good. I think you sabotaged yourself by doing a little laugh. Well, maybe next time laugh, open your little mouth and let it out. I, Bobby, I've been doing comedy for 75 years. I started making a living six months ago. I'm a little jaded. It's hard for me to laugh anymore. I've been doing comedy for real.

I'd rather not say at this point in time. What's the big deal? I've been doing it 33 fucking years. That's disgusting. I'm very happy one. 16 years. It'll be 16 and I can't. Yeah, but you have good things going on. Look at that nice shirt I got about the shirt TV I I wish you a hint for the anti-Semitism battle whenever I do TV I buy a new shirt I got a lot of shirts been a good year. There's buy right now and make you buy a new shirt That's a nice shirt. They don't know who he is, but we love that

We don't come excited. I did do comics unleashed. Oh,'t come out, Sunleash. I did do come out Sunleash. Oh, and watch my experience. It's actually, I can't not watch it. Did you know what it's on? When that one's on and the other one he has, the one that Bonnie hosted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck, I have to watch that one.

Because they have comments come out. And I can't, I'm like, who the fuck is this? So you just got back from my rack. You had an abortion. It's like fucking the worst. But did you know that's the most nervous I've ever been for a show? Because I never, I didn't do any prep. All my other sets has been a bunch. I'll do some meditating and I'll go to a meeting and I'll exercise and I'll try to be focused. But that's you. I didn't, I was like, this show sucks, it's stupid. And then the camera went on I was like ah, and I freaked out. What show did you do with your shirt today? You take one? The roast battle. I just have to take it off three days ago.

The one the one Saturday? Sunday. Yeah, it was Sunday. Yeah, I was on it. Who'd you go against? Leaves a trigger. Oh, I heard you. I heard you all the guys won. I won, yeah. How did the, how did the diet, the diet, the diabetes joke? I didn't end up doing that one. I was like Bobby Couch, I'm going to do the joke and every single person was like, it's super hacky. Is it really? That's what everyone said. The joke that we came up with was, she's too confident for a person her size. I think she should be confident is diabetes. She has her finger foot as if the doctor hands it to her after her surgery. And a few people were like, diabetes fat foot, we get it.

Really? Who the fuck did you run? Have a closer, closer to hacking and juggling. Yeah, when the fucking original fucking, when is roasting become original? Zach Amico in the opening of the naked roast had the funniest Bobby Kelly joke I've ever run in my entire life. Will you on it? No, he just roasted the whole festival.

I know what the joke is, it was real fun. Dude, he goes out, he goes out. He's like a guys you know a lot of people expect to make fun of bobby kelly's weight a lot of people tell you that bobby kelly is going to die soon but not me i happen to know that bobby kelly is going to live for a really long time because bobby and all of his friends are dying in the order that they were funny on tough crowd for trees i like it is a lot of setup. Yeah, I think it's good It's fucking great. My Lisa Trigger joke was the one I did that worked the best was

When you suck dick you supposed to spit or swallow not stored in your neck You should have said he said I thought you died from half a sandwich I'm not sure I do that. I'm about hack. That's not hack. I don't get it straight out of 1972 I'm gonna I don't get it straight out of 1972. I don't get it straight out of 1972. The one who knows this? The one who knows the little person. He just said it. I had Lewis right joke.

They were all anti-Semitic. They weren't joke. So we're just going to do. Oh. I think that diabetes joke was funny. I don't think it was hack at all. And then I had this one. Not easy to get along with. She's got a lot of beef. Most of it's dangling over her cunt. What was her one to you?

What was the best one? I can't remember because it's hard to remember their jokes because I'm in my own head preparing for my joke. One of them was his career is like his dick, always on the verge of breaking out. That was of them and then there was a couple other better ones but i can't it's hard to comprehend right now i was a lot of was it one inch patty that was pretty i mean it wasn't sold i'll see you know as people like i think i usually think women have an advantage but i'm sorry i think they

don't because i think that women don't really get it enough that's why when we make fun of kelly or what's her name it always i think by bonny can out roast almost. Here's the thing. She's like a good comedian.

Yeah, I'm saying when you give it to a woman, it's kind of unheard of. You know what I'm saying? Women don't really care about the girl. What about the girl? What about the girl? Fucking, we did the comedy 101 and Bonnie. We all kind of.

There was a girl that was pissed off about that. She is a freak, furious. That night, that night that night I was saying oh fucker me and Bobby attacked her so brutally she goes She was like I don't get a joke off like what was the point of like doing it? Well, obviously if we love people in front of her getting fucking Beatin down and she she wrote on Twitter to me. I didn't know what I was up against what you dumb fucking cut You know what watch the show in front of you. And then she attacked Bonnie. When me and Bobby, you would, you know, I tried to tell her after the show. I tried to tell her after the show. You know, look, everybody got it. It's not a show about your standup.

It's a show about making fun of young guys and kind of giving you initiated. It's almost a roast thing from unknown comics. It's not about you being discovered. And you learning how to like getting a real advice from comics, it's your supposed to be interrupted. Well, I did it with you at the Thanksgiving thing. Yes, I was fucking all right. And so did you.

You killed it. Oh, yeah, that was good. There was so much fun. Lisa roasted well, like it was a, we tied and then it was like kind of like a pickle like she was killer. She's a good comic. What's going on with you and Lisa? We got it. You did good. I know. We're talking about this girl who just couldn't take it. She came to the creak and cave after now. What you said, what she say? She said that she was like, I don't even know I did it. And one of the

the one of the girls that were there, remember the Q-Chick with glasses that was there when we did it? She was her friend. And I guess she was just sitting there kind of like bummed out and I was like, oh, well, you know, it's not like, you're not supposed to like get jokes off. You're supposed to be interrupted and it's supposed to be a ball busy big show. Right. And she was like, yeah, I just, you know, I felt like it was like pointless.

I have like jokes. And it's like, first of all, you don't have jokes. Yes. We don't come in a few months. Be happy to get the opportunity and to meet these people. And, you know, take the opportunity and walk away from it knowing a couple people. And now one of the funniest women comics, one of the funniest comics around you have a fucking problem with. Okay. What did she say to Bonnie? How are you talking about what you said about it? Saying Bonnie, you picked a fuck, you picked a fight with somebody who could actually help you later, could take the little picture fight with Bonnie? No, no, the girl, you know, that was fucking down on me.

I was confused also. I'm saying this girl picked a fight with Bonnie. It's like you shouldn't, you should have shot your fucking mouth, okay, took it. It's it's not the end of your career your feelings were hurt You know what? No one was trying to hurt your feelings everybody would try and have fun everybody was laughing It is what it is you might have not known what the fuck it was But it happened move the fuck on and just take the hit body was the least mean and body came up to her after and gave her a hug And was like look she was on Twitter the next day going to who who did body fuck the least mean and body came up to her after and gave her a hug and was like, look,

she was on Twitter the next day going to who did body fuck to do this and her Twitter picture, her Twitter picture is her in a bikini with heels like she's a nice girl. Big deal. They were fake. They she paid for her

tits. She's got what I'm saying is it's not that it's not selling your tits. If you want to be a comic self funny all right obvious That was mean I know Week it's always bad when you're the other one laughs at your fat joke She's what she's also being weak by if you guys were the ones you really gave it to her and Bonnie was least

And then she attacks Bonnie because she knows you can't go ahead there with you No, but that's a that's quite bad, but she but Bonnie's the I wouldn't I don't have a three I would pick I would not pick Bonnie fuck with Bonnie held back. So obviously Well, but Bonnie actually was like listen, you know I remember she came up to her I was talking her after like look just take it move on Move the fuck on we made fun of a guy with a brain injury. Yeah, Bonnie yet We made fun of a guy with a brain injury. Yeah, Bonnie it Lou, it's just here. When is this podcast? It's hearing right now. We're live. Oh, I don't want to give away Then what what happened with Bonnie and the brain dead guy goes a guy that we had brain damage and we are

Winning off. Oh my god, dude. That's the idea of the show. It's just like a roast It's a I was in a honor roast at roast masters. I watched that that all the time people be like bummed out after they lose and they get off Saga's like oh, it's like dude. I bomb doesn't matter as long as the audience is having a good time if your bomb is getting the the judges It's not a lot of fucking funny. It doesn't matter. It's all about the fucking last Yeah, people are good. I remember you being a thin skinned fucking asshole And you're not gonna invite it back to the list who the fuck wants to hang out with someone who can't take a joke about themselves Yeah, and if somebody says if a comment comes up to me and goes, Hey, I'm sorry, I was just kidding.

You know, I hope it's cool. Then it's cool. You can't say it's cool. And then go back on that and fucking what's the subject? The next day. I said something to her. She tweeted, I go, about my go look, stop now.

You're in over your head, right? And then she wrote something else, I go, look, I'll go on our radio show and I'll expose, I'll play whatever, listen, you're dealing, just move on, let it go. Then she goes, something like who the bonny, fuck the, and who you fuck, all this, and then I just blocked her, you know,

because she's retweeting me, she wants the attention of my followers, you know. But she's posing a comic that poses in her Twitter picture, whatever you call it, you know, sprung out on your front lawn in a bikini and heels. And she has her tips are paid for. You know, I don't want to tack her. Look, you just did. But listen has her teacher paid for. You know, I don't want to tack her. Look, you just did. But listen, here's the thing. No, I'm saying what I'm saying.

What I'm saying is, fuck. I fuck all that. It doesn't matter. Look, you want to be heavy titties out. I don't give a shit. You got to be extra funny in there. I don't know how funny you are. I don't care if you're not funny.

But you got to be able to take a fucking joke. And you put into a situation, you saw what was happening Yeah, he wasn't the first and here's a deal if you got caught in it You you met your mad at yourself She's mad that she didn't stick up for herself and go you know what this isn't what I'm about fuck you Fuck this show. Well nobody's no young comic. It's what I said They should tell those people me and Mike Lawrence did

Kiltoni which is fucking awesome. It's a very similar thing But you let them actually do a minute and then you give them advice you just trash the young comics But it's like if you do comedy for a few months you shouldn't be recorded to be out there forever You're not like ready to play. They won't have not one joke was hurt We don't have one. We get a fucking joke out dude. You know what I'm saying? You took three of the meanest fucking people in comedy, and we never get to do shows together. And we were just trying to one up each other. And nothing to do with these fucking young comics.

You have the bells? And, yeah, we have bells. And we were, a time together. We asked them, they know, right? They know, they love it. Well, you sure they love it? I don't want to hurt anybody. Yep.

But the show's been done before, so they should have. And our friend did it. Yes, she was at love it. I don't want to hurt anybody. Yep, but the show's been done before so they should have an old friend did it Yes, she was at the cook at the creek with her friend So shit. No, and we that was a longer to be kind of like we were kind of being a little bit nice to her So she should have known like what the show was you're gonna be interrupted constantly She's like what's the point like I couldn't even get a joke off. It's like it's actually that's the point It's better that you didn't get a joke off because you don't want your shitty jokes if you're six month comic They're not good. You're never gonna be doing this joke again

in a couple of years. It's fucking out of your repertoire. It's like, you know, don't go pick a fight. Don't let it go. And you'll get way more fans laughing at yourself. Buddy, that's what I said. It's all about Bennington. And they're like, oh, this person

got a great sense of humor that he made. Yeah, the last guy was fucking, he would let us get all the shit out. Then he would laugh and then he would go, he would go right back into his joke. Yeah, but he worked for Bennington. Okay, but he got all the way. It was good.

He was good. Oh yeah, Joe, he's great. But he was good. He was good. And so was, listen, all of the guys get it. That's not a guy thing. Yes, it is. I think that's a third of all.

I don't know. We still have that guy with young people. He's a guy.. Yes, it is. It's a hundred percent of guy's. What is the first thing you know? We still have that guy with the brain injury. Got it and he's a guy. He doesn't know either. My female columnist ever stopped and titled me. That was my joke, dummy. What? You did my joke to me as I did my joke.

No. I went to brain injury guy. Doesn't know. We won't, we'll never know if he got it. And you went, he doesn't know either. No, he doesn't. Oh, I know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no who you are, know that you took a good joke, and then you'd be able to, hey, you're gonna walk up the body. Like those fan base,

that fan base loves like a ball busty type fucking. But now it's like, when Voss shows up, a Bonnie shows up, a ratio, and she's there, it's like, I'm not, you know what? Is it you, is it her or me? Is it Bonnie or her? You know what I mean? Like, get the fuck out, beat it. You could have made friends with everybody and kind of be like, hey, what I mean? Like get the fuck out, beat it.

You could have made friends with everybody and kind of be like, hey, what's up? Oh, what's up? Everybody knows who you are from that thing. We all know, me, Bonnie, Voss, if we ever saw you again, it's like, hey, what's happening? How you doing? What's going on?

How's things? Oh, you could actually have a start of a friendship. Instead, you chose to fucking blow the bridge up with a stupid tweet and it's like, come on, you dumb. You dumb. Because now Bonnie doesn't want to fucking see that girl now. Yeah. Bonnie, she's gonna go,

just know what you're doing. Anytime I go on a podcast, I listen to the podcast first because I want to know the fucking vibe and what I'm getting into. If you blindly go, like I've seen people do that on this show where they'll be like, I don't want to go on Y,

can it be here? I don't want to go on Legion of Skins, because they're going to fucking be mean. It's like, no, no, you don't listen to the show. You're hearing rumors of being ball-busting. But anything we do here is always in fun, you know? Absolutely. And here's the thing, too.

Anybody that's ever been on the show when they leave, that was a fucking great time. Because this is. Except that Facebook guy. That was one time. That he was crazy. That was the best. They leave like that was a fucking great time because this is that Facebook guy He's a fan of the show by the way who him. Yeah, oh, I thought you were just having like a contest for no pigment people All this being no personality or color Fucking wonder bread has a tattoo of him the guy who really shot Kennedy

Come a little young Fuck off. The thing is the point But fucking some really tank it again. Hey go ahead We're taking on a subway with him and asking for $5 What is your point what I was gonna say is we're all 10 15 20 events going Yeah, that fucking con who's six weeks in fucked up. It's like. Yeah, she fucked up She's new she doesn't know anybody she'll make you make mistakes you get your game wisdom Did I tell you the biggest fucking mistake every man in comedy when I was like maybe you talk of starting Todd Barry

I'm going to go ahead. Sorry. He gave Todd Barry a big round. That's a tell. That's a tell. Dude, I was booking shows when I first started comedy. And I was at the New York comedy club in Todd Barry's about to go on stage. And I was just like a nervous asshole. So the host is on stage about to introduce him. And I woke up behind Todd Barry.

I started rubbing his shoulders. There's a big difference between that and saying, how many guys did you wipe out? No, I'm about to shut up. How many do I? No, of course. There's a big difference between being a goof and silly and saying how many fucking guys does your wife have to fuck to get you where she was.

That is like really? You're fucking, that's what you want to know. I'm not defending it. No, so delicious. That's fucking delicious. You're taking a mistake at six months in. Yes, you're gonna have to. And it's fucking the answer is three, by the way.

You can have a mistake, but now on social media, that mistake never goes away. Yeah, this is, but I don't do. I saw Rubin's. Yeah. And then I whisper and Todd's ear. I was like, Hey, you nervous. You're rubbing. No, he turns around and goes, I got it. I think Bonnie, Bonnie put out, you know out whatever they say to the olive, you know, Bonnie went up to her and said, hey, how good? Berriot, Berriot. Well, just let it go.

Let it go. It's like a fucking stupid fucking, these young comics, man. And these young comics. It's like these, you get on stage because of whatever the fuck you do, whoever you bring, and you're hanging around with other young comics and you guys your egos are a little fucking out of control. Oh yeah. Yeah. So you want to get up can you get money up here? Bonnie wants to come on. Yeah, big Bonnie. Yeah. Because the thing is I think because before you were saying is it a women thing? It's not. It's definitely a young comic thing. Because I think no

because no, because they all hang out with each other And if you're the funniest out of like your 12 open micro friends, you're a fucking hero. There's a lot of, there's a thing about young female comics where they're very entitled and they feel like if they feel like they're deserving of something extra, and they don't really have any respect for the, like I have a weird thing where anybody who's been doing comedy longer than me, I just have a natural respect for it.

Even if I pass them in the business, I'm still going deck, I was there before me. She has some experience that maybe I could learn from, and I've always kind of had that, and I feel like most male comics have the same thing. You talk to female comics, dude. It's immediately, what can I get? Let me fucking audition for this. Let me get this thing, and I watch them go at older comics all the time and be very disrespectful.

Well, you know, I'm not saying it's good. She's my wife, but Bonnie is very pro female. And does she, she helps females and does what she can. You know, our fucking radio strip tonight, we had fucking one, two, three females on it, one male. Who was on it? Those two girls that had the podcast, who we fuck. And Moon's app.

She looks terrible. Bonnie looks like shit. I thought that was you with a tan. And Moon's app, but no one heard that. Everybody heard it. It's being recorded live, dumb, dumb. Star Wars, you have to sit next to him. No, don't do that.

Why? We're starting a new show. Do it. We're going to go for a little bit. We're going to go a little bit. I got a 6am flight, Doug. Some of them. You got one. I also stock a new show do it. Wow. We're gonna go for a little bit We're gonna go a little bit. I got a six a.m. Flight dog So I just leave you fucking take off you want to take off you can take off what but what will happen? The audience will leave with me know they won't play me. Where you going to my sister? San Antonio. What do you get to plug real quick go? What?

What do you have to plug in? I got an album coming out July 15 What's it called are you mad at me? Comedy Central Records second album does sounds like it's directed to you Robert July 29th 30th Bananas has brook Heights. I know a lot of Jersey people love that club one of my favorite clubs in the world. I'll be there and then Yeah, some other places. I don't know the album. Santa time. Which one are you doing the big one? The River Center, which is now an improv I guess Is it? That's what the website says. Everybody in the chat room right now, make sure that you go this Friday,

sat in Maguire's Comedy Club with Chris Scopo and Shuley. So go spread the word, tweet about it, and fucking get your tickets. Oh, you know what? Just Thursday, I'm doing one night only, a good night's in North Carolina. I'm doing one night only at Good Night's in North Carolina. Yeah, Thursday night, one night only. And then Friday and Saturday, I'm in Wilmington, North Carolina. And I'm taping my fifth CD there. Wow. It's called, uh, Rich was five. I don't know. I don't know.

That's a great name. Why would a V? Why would you not do that? What's that? That's fucking great. Who came up with that? That was a big jackhammer with that amazing thing. That's a great idea. I'm just doing the Roman Normal What's that? That's fucking great. Who came up with that? That was a big jack came up with that amazing thing. That's a great idea. And just do the Roman normal V. Yeah, that's a great idea. What's up, babe? How you doing?

Bonny! Telling you, leave. She can have a seat. No, no, no, sit down. She's gonna sit right here. We got a chair for an F. All you have to do is get up and move over there. And Bonnie will sit here. Yeah, just Bonnie's gonna sit there. She's gonna move to the couch. We is get up and move over there. Oh, and Bonnie will sit here

Yeah, just Bonnie's gonna sit there. She's gonna move to the couch. We got it. We already got this Bonnie sit right with bosses We were just talking about we're gonna fucking do we're gonna West Coast podcast this up We're gonna go four hours. No, he's we um, I am fucking two four hours You're like a like Some kind of I don't know what you're like a game just sitting there. We're talking about the we're talking about these festivals that's going on that are charging young comics that went into they charge them twenty five dollar fee what is it?

Cinder block. Cinder these these comedy festivals that charge you have to pay them to get into it but you don't actually get into it. You pretty much are giving them money and they pick what how many people? Like 16 people out of how many? Probably about 100,000. No, more than 200 dude. A thousand. And then we worked our way back to this girl. Where do I submit? Is that's what this is about? But we worked our way back to that girl that had kind of attacked you, which is just fucking ridiculous.

I just don't, it doesn't make any sense to me how the fuck you're at a comedy club, it's jokes. We apologized over and over. Went up and said, hey, come on, you know, blah, okay, it's cool. And when you say that, and then the next day, or whatever the fuck it was, when you get heated about it again, this is why Twitter fucking blows. Yeah. It's because there's no pause button.

You don't get that, you just go right the fuck on there, and kumiya it up. Uh-oh. Oh shit. That's a new name. That's a new name. Kumiya it. But it's like, she goes and attacks you,

and then fucking goes to him and attacks him I mean, I don't know she didn't attack you at all. I actually like her. She's a good person I agree with that you were a little harsh on her. I mean a little bit. I was jealous Obviously, what's the girl's name? Yeah, who is the comment? I don't know you know her out you know I don't know her I honestly don't know her name. We don't know her name because she's new, but it's like It's just fucking ridiculous to me That you know who it is could you imagine could you imagine when you're coming into the business? You know when I first started I will admit that I I got in a pretty heated exchange with Joan Rivers

You said through a letter I said jealous of me bitch. Did you have you ever done something like that? Just like when you were first coming up? You know, I've always, I've loved comedy so much that I've always, even if I didn't really like somebody's style of comedy, if they've been doing it a long time, I always... You're talking about Rich? You know. You married him. That's the one to respect it.

No, I... Look at Rich's face. He's still thinking about that other girl's boobs. There's my bitch wife talking again. What's the biggest faux pas you guys have ever committed? Well, one time I was at a party and this is when I first started. I was living in Los Angeles. I just got in a TV show and they were having some, the pilot got picked up and they were having a party at the producer's house and I went with my friend Lynn and

this is how dumb I was. It was catered and I was like, are we a restaurant? Like I didn't understand how we were at someone's house and there was waiters. So like, so this guy came up to my friend Lynn and I and he was like, you know, I started getting back in a comedy and, you know, I don't know how to do it and stuff and I was, I was being a little bit like, I don't know, like, leave us, like he was old and I was like, and he kept talking to us about it I kept trying to get rid of it but my

friend Lynn was being really nice I'm like well I in the comedy industry at all anymore and stuff anyway the next day my manager called me and was like what were you talking married Larry David. Yeah. Why would she marry a Jew? Oh. Fuck. You can't.

Shit. Yeah. Oh, the fucking hurts. What about you, Bob? What's the biggest faux pas the young comic ever committed? Well, I I mean great question Lewis it's it's um thanks mom I don't know I I I mean I'm swallowed dink cokes come what's cool dink cokes

that was a flat tire and a bomb all in one. I said it like he had a mouthful of daincooks come. She made you joke funny. How you happy? Jesus Christ. I think it would have to be the not used story. It's probably the worst. The not used thing. It's the dirty thought found ones.

Yeah, it's just that's the worst thing. I don't know what it is. You know what that is. I don't know. I just, I thought me and Jerry had a connection. I literally wait, look at, my thing was, I waited, you okay? I waited.

I was literally to blame. I waited, when he was shooting the comedy movie, the comedian, and he, everybody was going up to me. Every comic upstairs was trying to get in that movie. And I prided myself that I wasn't going to be. Right, you're not like that. I'm not like that. And if we become friends, it's going to be organic.

It's going to grow like a seed. And I remember one night, I was late night and him and his producers were there. And I was talking a bunch of people and I was making this bet about Gratsky. And he goes, I'll take some action on that. And I was like you're in the dollar. He's like all right, a dollar.

And it was like our first natural exchange. And then we as producers I'll do it too. So here is my natural organic. So I go I go home. I go to do this gig. I go to do the gig and it's in Buffalo. It's in the afternoon. I go to do this gig. Hi, Hadoo. I go to do the gig and it's in Buffalo. It's in the afternoon. I have to hire a driver.

They will not pick me up. I'm screaming at Madfras. I'm like, what the fuck? He's like, they will, you know. So I have to hire a driver to get this. New York to Buffalo. I flew to Buffalo, but at the airport to get to the gig, it was the afternoon.

I had a hire a driver. They wouldn't come get me for some reason. So I hire this guy, he has a fucking van, like a 70s van, with captains chairs and a TV and a VCR. And we get, he's got every episode of Seinfeld on tape. And he drives around, that's his job, his company, and he listens to Seinfeld episodes, while his customers can watch the episodes.

So, literally, I got headphones on, I'm in this captain's chair, just spinning in the back of his van, watching Seinfeld and this guy's just going, and talking, I love Jerry and blah, blah, blah. Have you ever met him? I go as a matter of fact, I met Jerry the other day. I, I had a real connection with him.

Well, we went out to lunch because it was like, really two hours before the show, went out to lunch and I took them out and he's calling me Jerry's, like you know Jerry, I'm like a Bob, I know I just love Jerry, and we go to the gig. Oh my God, is that true?

Actually, he's calling me Jerry. We go to this fucking gig. Not bad. It's outside at a beer fest, okay, after a metal band in the raid, in the rain, next to a skydiving simulator. So every five minutes a jet engine will go off and you'll see, I'm literally fucking panting, I'm like, what the fuck, but I need this money.

It's like three grand or some shit, I need this money. I say fuck it. I go up I have to crouch down because there's a tent and they they're in a tent a Hundred yards away because it's raining so I I'm doing the jokes crouch down While there and every once in a while a kid would run by and go funnel and Drink from a funnel do the joke do the act get the check the sky throws me in the van like 18 We fly the fuck out of there, get me to the airport, or we'll leave and he goes,

hey, is there any way that you could, if you ever meet Sherry, could you just get a sign photo or any signature from me, I go, I'll see what I can do. And I go back, I literally in my brain thought he was gonna do one more episode called The Gig. You know what I mean? Like a shit gig.

I really thought he was gonna be like do it We should do so yeah, I go downstairs. I'm at the seller He won the bet to I have my dollar in my hand and he's on stage. I'm waiting and that bottom step I got my dollar ready to go And he comes walking out and he just kills and everybody those are just a group of people coming out with them No, a whole hallways full and he walks up two steps and I go, hey dude, here's your buck you won. And he looks at me and he takes the dollar.

Like it looks at me kind of disgusted, takes the dollar. And then I go, I got a story for your first, though. He goes, you want your buck back? And I go, no, no, just keep it. It was kind of like, fuck you, right? And he walks up two steps and I'm down the bottom with all these people. And he turns around and goes,

when you're done, come up. I'm gonna be in the corner, we'll have some food, we'll talk, and we'll have a conversation. I go, dude, I'm doing my set, right when I'm done, I'm coming up, I got the fucking best story ever, dude. I just did a shit gig, he goes, not you. Oh, God. He was talking to the lady next to me.

Oh, God. Just hit so bad. Oh. The silence that happened in the hallway was fucking deafening. And then I remember just turning to the lady and she went, some big woman, like some producer woman just looked at me like, oh,, I'm some big woman, like some producer woman,

just looked at me like, oh, sorry. It fucking killed me, dude. Fuck, fucking killed me. And I haven't, we've never talked since. No, come on. I said, hide on one time. One time I was coming off stage

and he was waiting to go on after me. I literally did four minutes and they get the fuck off, Fattie. And I'm getting off. And I was, I thought it was- The Fattie was your interpretation. Yes it was. I thought he was looking at me. So I waived. He was looking through me. I literally, as I moved his head stayed right where it was. So I literally went through his field of vision and he did not even move. As I'm waving. And I went, oh my, I just went, why the fuck did you wave?

Why did you wave? We know when Rich, when time went on. Is all the story? Yeah, yeah. I walk in a stand of New York. His mic is not on. I walk in a stand of New York. And this is right as last comics on.

So I'm, I got a lot of heat at the time. I've done stuff since then, but at that time, I had a lot of great podcasts the time. I've done stuff since then, but at that time, I had a lot of great podcasts. It's a great podcast. So, I won't understand up New York. There's like 20 people there. Yeah. And you want to go on.

I go, yeah. So, on my stage, and you're giving me a light, I go, are you fucking kidding me? You're giving me the light. Do you know who the fuck I am? I'm rich for us. I go, I'm the biggest actor that You're giving me the light. Do you know who the fuck I am? I'm rich for us. I go, I'm the biggest actor that's gonna be in this fucking club. You're lucky to have me.

You don't give me the light. I give you the light. You don't fucking tell me. You're lucky, you know, I'm bragging. I go, I'm the biggest. I go, I've done this to this. I go, I'm the biggest act you'll see here tonight. You get off the stage.

And now for our next act, Jerry Seinfeld. Oh my God. What a kick in the guise. He goes, I was also on NBC. That's funny. But that's why I don't I don't I don't hate the guy because I call Colin Quinn. I was like, fucking he goes, Bobby, that's him. That's fucking him. It's not he's not being an asshole to you you He's not being an asshole because he's got a fucking billion dollars in the bank. He's been that way for a He trashed out Judas hat or something. What do you say to Judah? He's still doing that? I think he's funny and fuck him. I think it's fun. Not you fucking with people like we do the same as what he does Could you imagine me though if we're going on Twitter and going, how many fucking dudes is your wife?

Are you fucking crazy? No, no, no, I'm saying what's so good. No, but I'm saying, yeah, he's making me. I'm comparing, my feelings got hurt at that. You know what I'm saying? I was like, what the fuck? We've all done stuff.

Oh yeah. Did you ever hear the debt fan one after the last comic standing? We had the same season as him? Yeah. So he won, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you hear the debt fan one after the last comic standing? We don't say season as him? Yeah. So he won, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he won last comic standing, but then he used to be like a bus

boy at the comedy store, I think, or a laugh actor. He let's say comedy store. So he does, he wins. He goes on the big tour afterwards, the last comic standing tour. And he comes back. It's like his big homecoming to the comedy store. And he's walking in with somebody I forget who, and he's all excited.

He's like, this is my first time back. I was a bus boy for years. And he walks in and after a minute, people start looking over and slowly, there's a clap and everyone starts standing. And he's like, thank you to a double wave, like a Nixon. And then somebody else looks back

and Rodney Dangerfield has a cane. And he's walking in. Oh my God. What is his last steps. And he did like the naked gun. Weirdel, yeah, I could think he's on the plane. I did that with Dane on his first movie that he put me in. My best friend, what the fuck it was.

Best friend's girl. I remember I waited outside with Jay Davis till everybody went in. Because I was so nervous about doing a red carpet and just having myself a steam smash that I figured if I just went in last and then Jay was like I'll tell everybody who you are you are he's like a crazy yeah I know I'm like this is great I'll be just me and they'll have nobody you know so we go out in the fucking red carpet and Jay's like this is Bob Kelly he's the fucking he's

Torgasm he's one of themes fucking, he's in the mood. And like, you know, a couple guys kind of, they, they, they, they fucking, a couple, all of a sudden, they stuck on nuts. And I'm just, I start posing, because they're going, they're just going over here and I'm just like, fucking looking and the lady goes, you need to get off the carpet.

Cause Eddie Murphy showed up late too. Oh, oh wow. Literally, they fucking, a guy grabbed me by the elbow. They just dragged me off the red carpet. They talked up a red carpet and the best thing. Talk on the microphone. If you had your headphones on, you'd know what you said. You walked into the red car.

Why does he not wear headphones? Because they heard my ears. And he has a silly hat. I can take the hat off. Where did you come from tonight? Where were you? I just want to know where you were shirt like that. Gable of Where were you? I just want to know where you wear a shirt like that. Gabor Batswell. I just want to show you. I did come to Papa, Tom Papa's show. This is

a Ted Baker imported shirt from London. Yeah, I know. I didn't know they still made those. It's a different color when you roll up the sleeve. I like that. Ted Baker, when I, you do the Bakers, that's $175 shirt. It is $135 shirt. Ted Rich. It is. Ted Baker sent me 13 of them when I did last comic, and they all burnt on fire. I had 13 Ted Baker.

That's how much I hate Ted Baker shirts. Yeah, it's just right now. Yeah, it's just right now. Fuckin', there's nobody faster. Oh Fucking out there's nobody faster. I'm telling you fucking Bonnie is the fastest guy in the fucking west See what are you kidding fuck that was fast, but body's fast But they do so make it fast by the way like your gene jacket Here we go. What do you have to say about a jacket jacket is very old school? Not the girls girls. That's in style. Oh, I didn't know that.

I didn't know you knew so much of style. Yes, I go and guilt a lot. David, at the time, go back to the barricade stories and dang cook. I hope for a day in cooking. It's a great story out for a day in cook and for the 2600 people that I killed. Yeah. Yeah. I'm son of a bitch. We were doing these free shows, some kind of show for the ACLU or something, up in, and Dane fucking came in, they could come in, and he bumped me to go, this is his show and he's not to get paid. He's doing it for memorabilia or something.

And he bumped me and Corey, I think in Haiti, had to go on after him. Corey really did. So it was kind of ugly to follow him. I think he's Boston, huh? I think she's pretty. Oh. He's saying, because you said ugly. Don think he's pretty. He's saying because you said ugly don't worry about it. No, I'm here. It's tough to play

on words. I know that's I just helping you. It's hard to fucking. Do you understand what's going to happen when he gets older? Like I know he's like it's going to get older than this. It's I'm going to be pushing him in a wheelchair. And I'm going to pushing him in a wheelchair.

I'm gonna be like, no, no, honey, what they're saying is. You can't go on. Joe is fast. It is weird you do these benefits though, and you're doing it for nothing and they want you to go up last on this fucking crazy lineup. And it's like do you get calm like I know this nobody wants to go up last. The more famous they are they want that push spot.

And it's like you should go up last. You're the most famous. You have more money than me. No, why are you bringing it up? He always wants to go in the middle I gotta get up early yeah he does he does you know they put the fastest winners in the middle lane you know it's that's how the world works well I get that you get the the option of wherever the fuck you want to go but look if you're the I think if you're the most famous and you're the highest paid person, and you have the most fucking,

and your balance blows everybody's. Go last. Go the fuck last. What do you have to lose? Who gives a fuck? What are you gonna bomb? Somebody who, it kind of matters where you might sell some tickets from that type of thing

or they'll go buy your shit, or if you go up and get a cushy spot and kill, it would actually do something for your career. Right. It's not what how more famous do you have to fucking be? Yeah, but you don't take it as a compliment when somebody puts you up last. No, no, not because I've been doing it for more than 20 years. No, I did.

If I was book in a show and I, I mean, we just booked a bunch shows, I would typically put the guy who kills the hardest last regardless of how famous they are. I did Dennis Sliery had that show at town during the festival. Yeah. And he had all, thank God you came in to say all these fucking killer comics and Louis catalyzes his book and it was during the

catalyzes festival. And then, and Louis goes to your clothes and I go, I don't want to fucking close this. Mike D. Stefano was on it. Who fucking destroys? He took my spot. There was all these killer fucking

acts. I go, why do I don't want to close it? He goes, you'll do fine. And maybe out of the line. I go, why do I don't want to close it? He goes, you'll do fine. And maybe out of a one. I love that, too, that you'll do fine. Yeah, you have no, it's not defined. It's the anxiety up until you fucking cocksucker

have no idea. Then you got to watch seven fucking killer acts destroy. Maybe out of a one to 10, maybe I had a six or seven, maybe. I think she's very pretty. I think Bobbie came in and did a spot and destroyed. Thank God at the end of the show, did like five or ten minutes. Remember that? Yeah.

It's just, you know, there's certain ones you don't want to close. I get that it is a compliment in some ways, but it's your responsibility. You know what I mean? It's my responsibility to close a show. Yeah, but not the most famous people aren't always the hardest hitters on the show. And if you're gonna put them up, it doesn't do them a service just because they're the most famous person on the show.

It doesn't do the show a service. It's most a fucking peak at the end. You want people coming back one and more? Yeah, that's good. That's good to hear right. All right, let's get the fuck out of here. I gotta piss so bad. Me too. Well, the fuck did Scopo go? Yeah, it was spot the fuck out of here. I got a piss so bad too

Well, the fuck did scope of go? He had a spot and no we did my baby boy Kim and Stavvy baby. Hi buddy. How are you? He's been all over this weekend. Yeah, where are you been kid? Yeah, we have a mic for you. There we go Sorry for you. There we go. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, a little harsh, but that was too much. Okay, you really hurt my feelings. I'm sorry, I don't know what I did. It's a pot roast called the brisket fat. Oh, good one.

This is... Oh. How you doing? Good. So I'm asking you how you doing on my show that you're up invited to. You come in anytime you want. Hello.

I'm doing okay, I'm doing good. Is he a comic? Yes, he's a very good movie. He's a guy that did the hot cast. Oh, no'm good. Okay. I'm doing good. It's here comic. Yes, he's a very good He's a guy did the hot cast He's a guy that comes to you with Macubi's and hangs out and will bring you to a food place and And then dear himself to you Until you fucking bring him on the road and it will slowly step on your fucking back I will never get to the next famous guy. That's not true. I'm a good way to

get back into my goobies. I was at levity live. Levity live. 14 minutes from my fucking house. Literally 14 minutes from my house. Not one phone call from this fucking jackass. Who'd you open for? Who? Who had lines? Tom? Tom Papa. Tom Papa. Tyler Bobby are my comedy fathers and uh uh Bobby wants more custody. I'm sorry. I just a weekend visit. I'm back with you. All right. I can't wait to hang out. Is he funny? He is funny. It's tragic. You know what he is?

It really is funny. He is funny. He's very funny. You need to be funny. I don't like him on Maridreff, but he killed it. Not Tom Poppy. He's fucking it. I'm talking about this shubby fucker.

He killed that when he worked with me at McGooVee. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm talking about this shubby fucker. He killed that when he worked with me at McGooVee's. What was that? That was a while ago. He's here now in New York.

He's anywhere. What's that? You do a bunch of stuff. You write, you have skin. Yeah. You podcast? I got you podcast. I'm town. His fuck it.

Do you have you seen his Instagram? Oh, that's the podcast. You drove me. Why are you eating her? Because I would you nudge her on the back? I didn't try. I didn't know I didn't. I had something in the morning and then I had something later in the afternoon. And so I did his podcast in the middle and rich was like, what are you doing these dumb podcasts? You know what? You're somebody. You should have just any shit. You're too big. And I know Nick and I didn't know him, but I know Nick and so I said now.

Thank you so much for doing your food. And also wouldn't you rather hang out and do a podcast and just like walk around. Yeah, she's doing a nice thing for a fucking young comics. What's the name of the podcast? Come town. What's your name? You know it right, you got a point, Rich. That fucking wife is a fucking swamnagate.

That's what you do to Bonnie, we really appreciate it. It was fun. You know how they got Bonnie? They go, oh, we had Levy. We had Hussi, one they always say they had. I don't know yet. I forget his name. All right, we're gonna wrap this up.

Piscani. I'm not gonna let you fucking ruin it, Rob. I'm gonna ruin it. I'm not on tonight. fucking ruin it, Ross. I'm gonna ruin it, I'm not on tonight. Ah, he did it. Hi, Voss, what are you got coming up? You already know it's a bit terrible. This Thursday I'll be at Good Night in Raleigh.

Yep. Thursday, one show only. Friday and Saturday. Oh, I gotta tell you something cool. Friday and Saturday, I'll be at Dead Crow crow comedy I'm taping my next city. Now next Wednesday I don't know how can some people get free tickets. I'm hosting a thing at Grammar C. Colin now for Lenny Dykstra. Here's the deal. I'm hosting a thing Lenny Dykstra's having a Q&A, he's got a book coming out. So if you email me at rich at richforce.com

I'll give away 10 pairs of tickets and check out Wednesday at Grammar City. Check out his Amazing podcast with his wife called my wife hates me. I'm right cast and and did you Premium thing come all yet? Yeah, yeah, we love yeah, I'm telling you right now. I'm plugged it I'm I'm plugging this on my show. Do you have your artistic, you hear a word immediately, like make a joke off of it? No, I'm a comedian. In some circles.

So make sure you go, get the app. What's the app name? What's your app name? What's the app's name? What do you mean? To Rob. OK, go. Get the app. What's the app name? What's your app name? What's the app's name? What do you mean? To Rob. OK, go. My wife hates me.

My wife, thank you. No. Oh, shit. Oh. It's not it. It's not. I'm going to make this one. This isn't it.

What's the app's name? I'm going to make it. Is there a right? Body calls. Body calls. We all get nervous. Bonnie went, oh shit. She doesn't have to tell the story, then he grabbed his chest.

And he collapsed, I don't know what else you want. What's the app's name? It's your app, you fuck. Isn't it my wife hates me on riot cast? Or you can go to amazon.richforce.com if you buy something on Amazon. You're not going to make money doing that. You're going to make money doing this. How do we do it?

I'm going to fucking do it if you let me fucking go. Whatever it is, we sold them for sure. Go ahead. I'm not even joking. It's one of the best podcasts. Not because it's on Ryecast, out there, right now. These two fucking people are the funniest. If you go right now, Voss and Bonnie's,

my wife hates me. If you have an iPhone or Android, it's on whatever platform, go download the free fucking app. It's free, it's unbelievable. It's the best way to listen to their podcast. And the 10 episodes are always free. They have a premium button, the premium channel.

If you join it, it's $199. That's it. $199. $199. $199. It's $199 a month. You join it right? You're going to be specific for the same price.

And you join it right from the app. It can't be easier. It comes out, you know, and think about it. It's the funniest podcast ever. All their content, from Skankfest, their show last week, they have so much fucking great premium stuff that only goes to premium members. That it's one of the best shows on the network

for the premium channel. I'm telling you right now, go download the app on either platform, join 199 a month, you can't beat it, and you get all their premium, all their backlog, everything behind the paywall. And if you can't do it, 10 you get all their premium, all their backlog, everything behind the paywall. And if you can't do it, 10 episodes is always free, so don't worry about that. Do we now charge divorce now? You're not getting divorced, please don't do that.

No, no, no, no. We are not getting divorced. What's happening? Because if we got a divorce, everything we've done will take on a sad tinge. We got it, we're in it now. We got to keep going. I love that she says, we, when the pep talk, she gives herself.

This is me looking in the mirror. Yeah. I got it. I know. We did this. We got to see it through. I mean, yeah, I thought he would die a long time ago. Bye.

These are the risks. These are the gambles. What do you got Bonnie? You got a book out? I want to just say don't listen to the podcast because it's private and It really isn't embarrassing I lay on my bed so many times just being like why am I doing this? But I also have a book I lay in bed with you two, say, why am I doing this? Why, yes. Marital rape is a real thing. I'm just getting pretty.

You see rape the guy on the couch just does laughing. Yeah. Hey, do you have a bod. That's what rapists do. Bonnie will do it. Yeah, what's your book called, Bob? It's my book called, Bob? No, not yet.

Not yet. Oh. What is your better than me? You're better than me. On Amazon. I bought it. And Bonnie has a new movie in pre-production. Do you really?

Yes, I do. What the fuck is it? Yeah, it's good. You're in it. Am I? You're fucking so funny. Your part's so good. Is it really? It's really fun. I, it's good. You're in it. Am I fucking so funny your part so good? Is it really?

It's really how funny and you're in the sequel you open the sequel Your stoppers are gonna play you The fuck up there don't fucking bring that one. He gets ahead of some he's You creaking to this is written part two already Because Marlon Brenos dead Send numbers game. It's good Because Marlon Brenno's dead Said numbers games good Somebody's laughing over there I can hear some I got Joey babies. Thank you. Stun me laughs at everybody that he That he thinks is brilliant. No, he doesn't I laugh at good jokes. That's a good one agreed

He's so adorable. What else you got anything else? I don't know your pitch I don't really do a. Couple TV shows written. That's great. She's fucking unbelievable. You really lucked out. I married a showrunner. I married a pollock that can cook a good meatloaf. I'm on the road every fucking weekend.

If I was you, I'd stay home and just massage you. No, stop. Sorry. No. My fear is it, you'll go to theaters and be home a lot more. She's... She wants, she wants boss's career to sink. So you'll go, fucking Wednesday to Monday. Yes.

I've got a routine. Kelly, what do you got? I just went to Twitter on my website, California, California. Thanks for coming in. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. Sorry, I look a bit tired.

I didn't even know the attitude I was thinking. You want to catch a cat, honey, Jane? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Oh my god. Can we not have that conversation? Yeah, I thought it was about. Yeah, stop right there. Thank you so much for having me, Bob. Thanks for coming in buddy Sorry, you sat on the couch. That's okay. What about Lewis? I'm getting to him. You fucking dummy

I'm going to the car. I go this way Where's everybody just follow me on Instagram at Stovey baby It's really been picking up Joe came through and photographed two bangers absolute great content thank you to Joe list. I am involved. I'm not plugged into the bunch. Oh fucking bunchy plugged into a bunch. What's that? We got a good video.

What are you doing? This? Not you, but this could just talking over your plugs. Why? I think you guys really appreciate it. Too big to listen to this. To listen to StarVee's plugs? Yeah, nah, yeah.

What the fuck? We're gonna take it through the weekends, but you could do this. You could do this, too. You could do this, yeah. He'll put you on. You should have hair plugs. You got those two eager.

Can I do your podcast? I got to see, we're kind of booked right now, but yeah, maybe you got my number. It's only people who can still come. What do you got? Screaming in the shod's microphone. I'm with you this weekend. Where?

At McGuire's. This cock sucker. Oh, weekend. Has been plugging for the last three weeks. I put him on this gig with me in McGuire's. Yeah. He's telling me every week, we're at Brokery John Friday. McGuire's on set.

I'm like, dude, you sure? Dude, I'm sure. Bro, three weeks he's been plugging the fucking brokerage. And who's there? I'm not even there. He's been plugging somebody else's. Now they don't do it that way. Plugging somebody else's dates.

Today I call my agent. I think he's looking him up now. I go fucking dude, I'm at Brokridge on Friday. Scopus, he's like, dude, your McGuire's all fucking weekend. You shouldn't be plugging the brokerage. It's who's there? Burns, someone burn. Steve Burns? No, some guy George Burns. And who's there? So I'm not fucking a room. He will be soon. I mean, Ricky Burns, Richie Burns. Oh, I know it's not you.

And I call him today goes, dude, no, you're in it. And I'm no, you're not. And he goes, oh, I'm wrong. So I get. I apologize. I know. It's terrible. So Friday night, I'm at McGuire's one show Saturday night. We're at two shows. He's not even speaking into a microphone. McGuire does the best of those clubs, I think. I love the bro. How much time does McGarrid Harrow cut you in front of you? 15 15 me and Shuley and him more but it's a proud word. Yeah, Shuley. Hey me Shuley. No He is the best play on words comic here and the gay shirt. I like to shirt. No you'd Thank you rich. Thank you spider

I like to shirt. Thank you rich. Thank you spider So this weekend we're doing gigs here so come see me in scope of my guillire's Friday and Saturday plug it Lauren, what do you got besides I'm Joe Lauren Cooper into a long chin You really just say that yeah, what that's like nice? That's like one of the Knife that's a cop Get like can I get deep what you got sweetie? What's up? Okay, deep. We're gonna get deep just my Twitter and Instagram are too deep Can I plug some fucking? Shit, I'm gonna we're going you now you go and last I said no, I really you're gonna you're gonna put your fucking plugs before You know what dude it's an honor to be go last

120 episodes you fucking should that's the way it works. Yeah, I'm going last for 20 bro. Oh, yeah Good night sisters. They you shoot me dude. I'm gonna fucking jump over that table and beat you to Come on guy what's your plugs? The 30th of June only comedy under the stars, Lyndon, New Jersey. Also, the wears J tour with myself and David Smith, where's Jay? We don't know. Get it. Oh, shit. I wish it was hot coffee to spill all of Kelly's clothes. You know what I've been the greatest.

We're going to be filling out the out. We're going to be also in Providence, Rhode Island, Washington, D.C. Chicago, Illinois, Indianapolis, Nashville. Go to Gomez County.com. You have all the information. But that's all coming up in mid-July. So check that out.

And also check out. Good time to do a tour. Legion of Skanks. It's just you and Dave Smith. Yeah. And then you'll have a local host. Do you get a local host? No, I don't. No. Rob Mayer is coming out. Rob Mayer is Canadian comic. Yeah, he's funny too. Oh boy. So you got my other podcast, Legion of Skanks, the real-ass podcast and also my serious text serious next time show the countdown with the brand new Middleweight champion Michael the Count Pissing going to two days a week very soon great job on skankfest

Too much. Thank you so much, man. Look at first gangfest next year Laura. What do I got? What do I mean? You already went earlier? Yeah, you did you do All right, guys, do it again. What do you got? What the fuck? Yes, just shut the fuck up in the show. What do you got? I just come out of like guns do I Got Mike you tell we look at your arms. Oh You call me a pun I

You like guns arms shotgun what get out of here? Come on. I liked it terrible Okay, what do you got the bottom on speed at the fuck? I'm coming out July 15th What get out of here? Come on. I liked it. Terrible. I thought it was good. It's the boss. Okay, what do you got? The boss on speed at the fuck I'm coming out July 15th. Are you mad at me? Nailed it. I'll also be a dead crow comedy club in August. Yeah, and yeah, that's it. Oh, I didn't know we could plug that far in advance Can you come back to me? That's it. Oh, I didn't know we could plug that far in advance. Can you come back to me? Guys, good Bonnie good. July 30th, uh, left and up comedy club. Let's go. I'll be up in an anus that night and has for a kite. Get out of town. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I

The first today, I think I'm going to be at the Marriott and Aruba. Yes, I'm going to yes. Marriott and Aruba, 30th to the... No, first to the 8th of July. First, first to the 8th. And then July 21st and July 22nd, you're gonna be a punchline in Philadelphia. Oh, brand new fucking club and Philly. I'm very excited about. Someone may ask you a question about this. What? I don't know. They could... Yeah, good. Oh. Most. Or forget it.

Oh. Tom. I don't know. 900 people have already asked me for no. Nobody's getting fucking guest spots. I don't even know the fucking people there. And everybody's, I got five people already asked me for guest spots at punchline trying to get in.

Let me get the fucking at the club and do well before you fucking... You fucking try to swindle your little fucking life All right, I got a fucking let me do the club and then if it goes good and I sell good and they like me Then we can find out who can come back with me and do guest spots. I'm a fucking Jesus five people have asked me for guest spots Who who is he? I was here a couple weeks ago. Oh the bearded guy. We'll see what happens. And then we got September 22nd, 23rd and 24th at Laf Boston. Laf Boston. Laf Boston. Bonny, I love you. All right, I'll see you later. Voss, I'll

see you. All right, let Bonny get in and we get a ticket photo. Alright, we're out of here. Fuck that. Go to my website, robacadelive.com. Best fans in the world. Thanks for all that. Listen, you know what, dude? You've been listening to the YKWD podcast. Thanks for listening.

Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. Shire. Shire.

Shire. Shire. You