Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - DJ Plumpernickel

Episode Date: January 24, 2013

Robert welcomes back Dangerous Joe DeRosa and 'Cheat' book editor Michael Szczerban.  RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. Donde nadie pregunta a dónde viene, sino por qué no te viene. Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvidarnos. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos vía. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos. Encuentra los bares de Madrid la dicción especial de Madrid nos liga. Un dominaje de Maú, a Madrid. You can find the special Madrid Madrid fans. I'm very proud of them.

You've been looking for free content. I want to be free! Fluto TV is the service of streaming free with series like South Park or Sensation of Vivi. Descarga and the app are all your devices. Fluto TV, come and see them without paying. You're listening to Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? On the RiotCast Network, riotcast.com.

What's up, YKWD fans? I'm gonna give you my dates for the month of January, so you can come see me live, do my stand-up comedy. I'm gonna be at Side Splitters in Tampa, Florida, the 24th, the 25th, and the 26th. And Gotham Comedy Club, at the end of the month in New York City, the 31st, the 1st, and the 2nd. So get your tickets now, go to my website,

robberkellylive.com, and just hit Buy Tickets. Or get my award-winning iPhone app, robberkellylive, and go to the dates, and again, hit buy tickets. It's as easy as that. If you have an Android phone, go fuck yourself. No, I'm kidding. Just go to my website and buy the tickets. So share this, like this, tweet this,

bring your friends, get the fuck out to one of my shows. Later. Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss later. Hi, I'm doing this intro on the fly. I'm walking the streets in New York and I'm fucking Tuesday and it's 20 below. My fucking hands are freezing. How many gloves? I'm going to a meeting with uh travel channel people about a potential shell and I had to get this guy Dimitrien so here it is oh I'm freezing this week's episode Thursday special episode special edition Thursday with me joderosa aka dangerous aka Dangerous Joe is back. It's a fucking classic people. Me, Joe, and the editor of Cheat

from Simon and Chouster, Michael Zurbann, aka DJ Pompanickle. Really interesting show, very funny. I wanted to do this. I wanted to have Mike on and talk about the book and the behind the scenes and all the shit that went on with it. Give you a little insight. I know we promoted the fuck out of it for a while, but we had to. I don't get to aggravate it into you, motherfuckers.

But that's what we got to do, man. You know, so... I'm gonna die out here. So make sure you check this one out. It's a funny one. I run out in a half or so It's crazy motherfucker just walk mind me I want a fucking punch him in the face. Fuck. I gotta get out of the city. I'm done with the city I gotta move into the country fucking cock suck a point at me

anyways It's a great episode. Check it out. I'm in Tampa, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Thank God I'm getting out of this fucking cold weather. So if you're from Florida and you listen to this show, you better come to Tampa, besides what has it seen me? Unfucking believable, I love that club. And enjoy this episode, DJ, Pompanickle fucking freezing

Gang this is Colin Quinn. This is Jim Norton. This is Dennis Larry. This is Opie from a lot of things This is Bert Chrysler. Staying cooking you are listening to Robert Kelly's you know what dude? You know what dude? If you bippy bby if, bippy, bup. Dippy, dippy, dippy, dhyah, yabba, dhyah, bdhyu. Dude! This is Robert, come with me, you know what, dude? You know what, dude? This is going to be the big ass five to eight people on the show all screaming over each other to get in there fucking funny ass one lines.

A little different. I'm going to slow it down. This is going to be an extra podcast I'm going to put up during the week for you guys. I asked my editor, Michael Zurban from Simon and Chuster to come on and of course my OG original motherfucker, Joe DeRosa. Here he is right now. Joe D'Arosa to come on and sit in on this show. It's a little different from what we've been doing recently,

but I'm fucking loving it. So it's good to have Joe back. Yeah man, you can grab a mic, they're all on. Which one should I sit at? Anywhere you want, Joe, you're fucking OG dude. You're original gangster. This chair the best, it's the most comfortable. I hit the not your chair dude. That's you you listen man Like we're far away. We're far away, but we're close

That's your chair buddy. We're doing a little intro right now Yeah, I came up you're just talking by yourself. Yeah, it's called an intro Since when I always started doing these intros these little minute or two intros at the beginning to explain what the fuck's about to go on, who's on the show, so that they can have a little insight, so they're not wondering, who's that guy? Sometimes when I listen to radio or listen to these podcasts, who the fuck is that? If they know who's on, they can kind of put it together visually in their head beforehand, and they kind of know what's coming, so it's a little it's like a preview Yeah, I got you. Yeah, so yeah a lot of guys do that little intro thing. Yeah, that's the thing I always

Never wanted to do Like when I think about doing a podcast and like man, I would hate doing those fucking Intros. Yeah, well, you know what I don't know. I just started doing them I started putting them in the front because and I and I start to show you know what? I don't know. I just started doing them. I started putting them in the front and I and I start to show, you know, when everybody's here, you know, I just hit the button. I don't, I hate you guys, ready? I stopped that shit, too. When I get in the room, like right now, we're just going. The show is started. Do we have to stop? Nope. For to separate the intro?

No, I mean, when Mike comes comes the buzzer's gonna go off. We're gonna let him in. He's gonna come upstairs and that's it. Where is he? He's coming. He's coming. He was supposed to be here already. Yeah, he was supposed to be here a quarter of.

Yeah, well, he's texted me, said he's on his way down. So look, everybody's late all the time. I expect that from people except. I was on time. Joderos said, Seven on the fucking dot. You're fucking except. I was on time. Joderos said that's what happened on the fucking dot. You fucking that's why you Joe D man. That's why you fucking Joe D. Me and you respect time.

Yeah. We really do. Because it's other people's time you got to respect. Yeah well I think it's, I think it's, I learned it in AA. You know my sponsor and shit told me that. I went to that meeting, that Monday night meeting at, I think it started at like seven over at my, my sponsor's house, he was an iron worker, big motherfucker.

He had like catcher mitt hands. And you had to be on time for that. And you know, he used to tell me it's respect for yourself and others. It shows disres, you don't care. You don't respect the other person if you show up late. You're like, fuck them. Yeah.

And it was a meeting with, like, maybe five to nine guys, the same guys for five years, five years. And I was, I was 17 when I started going. Jesus. And I went for five years. Straight, every fucking Monday night. It's like another life to me. Did you cry when you left?

No. Because like you had forms such a bond with these guys? No, no, I didn't. That's the sad part about me. I can cut that fucking arm right off. Yeah, apparently. Yeah, well, you learn, I learned to do fucking arm right off. Yeah, apparently. Yeah, well, you learn, I learn to do that in, in Juvie. And, you know, you go into a Juvie jail or a rehab

or a foster home, you're gone. So these people that are your surrogate family, they're just gone. So you cut them out and you cut that cord, you, you, you, you know, you burn that wound with some gunpowder so it fucking stops bleeding. Right. And you move on.

Yeah, I got you. Which is a shit way and fucked me in my relationships later in life. But, yeah, like when I worked with the retards there for, was it three years I lived with these guys. As soon as I was done, gone, bye. Real. Never talked to him again, yeah, was this weird, this fucked up thing that I was done gone by. Never talked to him again. Yeah, it was this weird, this fucked up thing

that I was the ability to shut shit down. I, uh, give me a one or two, brother. Yeah. Or, you know what, yeah, give me a die call right on the door. You got a beer, if you want a beer, this beer. No, I'm not drinking beer right now. What is up, everybody's fucking not drinking.

No, I'm drinking, I'm just not drinking beer. Oh, excuse me, alcohol, I don't know. Yeah alcohol I'm not a fucking pussy oh my god dude what the fuck I did I told you I'm an AA yeah not you why cuz I'm an AA no I mean it got it's got a problem I respect that but these fucking pansies in comedy these days anymore tightly reading about Saturday Night Live in the 70s where they're doing like cocaine races off the fucking dressing room floor. And now every comic I meet in this business is like, you know, I don't drink, I just feel it's a better.

You go fuck yourself. Yeah, but Joe, you can't, I mean, people died, brother. Yeah, it's how it's supposed to be. What do you mean? He. He. Yeah, it's how it dice that way, dude. You can roll the dice with your health, like I'm doing. Maybe you want too many pizzas

and fucking have a nice heart attack and a fucking laquinta in Tampa. You know what I mean? That's how sad it is that everybody that dies now, it'll be like food heart attack. Like food, heart attack, get a little acquinted instead of like, there was traces of whatever in the system, you know what I mean? Yeah, instead of killing themselves.

Some fucking heroin or drugs or some nice alcohol overdose and a high speed chase with a cops and a Ferrari through the desert. Yeah, so I didn't do it, man. It's not, yo. Listen, come on, son. No, listen, I obviously, I, I mean, I don't think you should fucking drink to death, but like these fucking pussy's, man, it makes me sick.

Guys, 22 years old, 23 years old. I don't think I'm going to drink anymore. I got a little crazy last night. You're supposed to, you fucking dildo, you're 23. That's when you're supposed to do that You should have never left college You really shouldn't do The see all right look bro

The commitment you have To being this person, uh-huh, right? Now don't forget you you quidittle you quit drinking and quit being a fucking piece of shit you quit being a food addict every fucking three months till yeah I know what are you talking about that this is how it works though when you're in it you're in it this is

when you're in it you're in it so when you so the next time you say to me I'm done you're really not done well I don't I haven't said I'm done done in a long time. I said, I'm taking a break to you. So you've never said you're done. No, no, no, I years ago, but then I learned better to. Wait a minute. What do you mean, what do you mean you've learned better that, you know, you should never say I'm done forever. You should just say

I'm done for right now. Why? Why? Because you you will fail and you'll go back to it. You probably let's say if you if you do fail then you don't like a fucking asshole. You know and also then you know you can you can fail and then you're like fuck it. I got off for a few days I'm'm going back, it's okay. Yeah, but do you, you're ready? So you can say, you don't say you're done forever, just see you're done for a minute. Well, that's, that's AA, do one day at a time.

One day at a time, yeah, but it's, yeah, but you're done. You're done, AA is not little, first of all, I think you're, you kind of, you're misrepresenting AA. AA is, I can't drink anymore forever. I can't drink one day at a time forever. Right. Okay, so one day at a time, yeah,

it brings it down to that just so you can deal with it psychologically. And that's kind of with anything, but. Right. I mean, you really, you can't drink anymore. You can't drink because you can't handle it. You have a problem drinking. Do you have a problem drinking?

No. Wait a minute. I'm great at it. What do you mean you're great at it? I can't handle it. I can't do it. I can't wait to play this 10 years from now. You're fucking first chip meeting.

You almost said funeral. No, I almost said funeral. That was a nice save, dude. Jesus Christ. I first shit meeting No, I don't Hang on one sec. That's him. Okay All right, so we have Michael has entered the room Michael's urban the

Editor from Simon and Schuster and the editor of the widely successful popular Cheetah man's guide to infidelity written by Joe Derosa. You? Joe Derosa. That's what I say. Yeah, he wrote it. Joe wrote it. Joe wrote it.

But welcome into the room we were were just talking about, um, I already kind of entered the show before about, you know, you and who you are and what we're going to be talking about. But me and Joe got off on a tangent about alcoholism. Did you go to college? Yeah. Did I? Yeah.

Yeah. I wasn't dumb question. I know. But I had to ask. You have glasses? Yes, you do. You have a sad looking one eye Actually, I was gonna say right when I can't eat the mic

Bring it. I just want the photograph. No, no, I swear to God. You got to eat the mic Well, I was gonna say back in cop back in college in Pittsburgh. Mm-hmm I went on WRCT Pittsburgh 88.3 FM right. I was a I went on WRCT Pittsburgh 88.3 FM. Right. I was a DJ. In fact, I called myself DJ Plumper Nickel. Oh, God. Oh, boy.

Yeah, you got a nice radio voice. Thank you. You do have an NPR voice. It is an NPR voice. Yes. That's like a $4 word voice, I think. It's a great, you have a great voice. What was your name again?

One more time. Perspecacity. Michael Zerban. No, I know your name. You have a great voice. What is your name again? One more time perspicacity Michael Zurbann. No, I know your name you fucking asshole No, you DJ. Yeah DJ DJ plumper nickel. Oh God, you know, I love that's a name of the show So that's the name of the show DJ plumper nickel. No, that was just my name the name of the show was Well, it varied, but at the end, it was called Petrocore. And that is the name for the smell after it rains.

Or it smells fresh and clean and new outside. Right. And that comes, it was a new word created, I think, in the 80s by a couple of Australian researchers who discovered and named this smell. And it comes from, it's not an actual Greek word, but it comes from two Greek roots, Petrus meaning rock and Icar meaning essence.

So I was DJ, plumber and echo hosting Petrocore, the essence of rock. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I've never seen Joe, it looks like he's about to attack you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha in this room which should be DJ, I should be DJ plumpenigled. It was, there's a lot of weight to what you said. Did you think it was cool though or did you think

that was funny? Like were you being kind of ironic when, Oh, pet your core? Yeah. Well, I think that it was just cool. I, like, I, I, it was cool to me. You know, I, I like words and I like that smell and I found out what it meant.

And I thought, oh, you know, I, oh, I was looking for a name for my show and I played a lot of rock music. I thought that would be it. But actually, one semester when I was going through what might be described as an emo phase, I named it Petrocore Assunder. I have no idea why why but that was a part of my life. This is getting worse. This is the fucking nerdiest YKWD have ever done. I mean, we've done some nerdy shows, me and you Joe. This is you just, Mike, you a jet-eye nerd. Yeah. This is beyond like green or a nerd-eye.

We were talking about, and you know what's worse? What? I am so embarrassed by revealing this, that I have begun to sweat, and I'm fucking up my thick nerd glasses. You are sweating, Jack. I love it. Give me water.

Keep you nice water out of the fridge. Yeah, please. Nice water. I'm parched. We got a fridge here at the studio. Anyways, it's really wonderful. I'm glad you've wallpapered it with old posters for cheap. It looks good, right? Yeah, I wouldn't want you guys to forget that you wrote this thing.

No, not at all. I'm actually, I need to take one of these. Did you just say not yet? That's it. No, he said that. I didn't say it. I'm actually going to take one of these tonight because I'm going to put that right when you're walking to my apartment.

Oh, there's a specific one for you. Why? Because two of them are fucked up. One of them's mine and one yours. I'm gonna put that right when you walk into my apartment. I have a specific one for you. Why? Because two of them are fucked up, one of them's mine and one George. Okay, good. So the backing isn't, the one's a maculate, which is mine.

Right. And then the second one, which is a maculate, almost. The George. Yeah, that's fine. Okay, and then the other two are kind of fucked up on the back. But anyways, Mike, we were talking about before you walked in about alcohol and being a drug addict.

Joe, I'm a recovery, you know I'm recovering for 28 years for drugs and alcohol. And you know, I'm pretty much a sex addict and a food addict too, but you know, living amongst the fucking regular people. But you, he was talking about that, you know, he's just getting sick and tired of the pussies, giving up.

Like in this business, like, you know, it's over. Well, I mean, I'd imagine, and to answer your question, do you ask me a very important question that let us into this? Yes. But I didn't get to answer it. Please answer it, Joe. You asked me, do I have a problem with drinking? I said, no, I'm great at it.

You kind of snarked at that. What's that mean? What it means is, I don't get into fights. I don't get out of control. I don't black out. I don't fall down. I handle my shit. Most of the time, people can't even tell when I'm drunk.

And I get up in the fucking morning and I'm not really hungover. Like, I am good at drinking. I know how to do it. I did. I remember you said that. And I said, I can't wait to play this almost at your funeral, but I almost said funeral, but then I switched it up to your first

your chip. Yeah, thank you. When you get your first at with, hey, I'm glad to be so for a year and they and I hand you that chip. I'm gonna fucking here. I'm gonna hit hit it. Like a shitty comedy club and they're gonna play you fucking saying that. I have a 30 day chip. You do? Yeah, I use it to open beers with the top is too, with the tab is too close to the top. Yeah, I can't. So what are you talking about for a night? That laugh used to shut down the podcast by the way, remember that? Yes I do.

You do you have a party like that in college Occasionally, I mean there were for me it was a lot of you have like a night of like Dungeons and dragons and I am a nerd, but I was never a D&D nerd never No, I do like you played magic the gathering at the shell crest swim club in Wilmington Delaware when I was oh my Fucking guy Crest swim club in Wilmington, Delaware when I was two. Oh my fucking guy What is it called magic the gathering? What the fuck is at the mall? No, no no at the at the swimming pool So you didn't swim Well during a dot swim you would go out and you'd be like, oh, I'm going to tap my eight mana and

I'm the force of nature You know what magic the gathering is no because, because I'm a fucking alpha male, and I have leather jackets. You had a neck beard. You would totally fit into this world. I know. You know what, can I just say something? I wish back in the day, around sixth grade,

when I had nobody, sleeping in the basement out of depression. And I was just about to start using drugs and become a punk, because I met Dickie Soule and Scott Kelly, that drank and fucking beat people up. And I, before I met them and became, I wish I met somebody like you, Joe or you, Michael. And I could have played the magic rim of fucking life. What do I, I don't know what it was?

Just some other kid that we could have went and had fucking, some type of snack and played some games. Dude, I always tell you if they if if Bobby was the kid that they shipped off to the farm, you know, like some kid they didn't do that with my nephew. I got shipped off to a farm. Well, if you got me sober. Right. That farm, when I worked on that farm, it's when I I finally got the animals Joe.

Right. Got me sober. But if you would have went You know when I was a young I guess they would have said you're the farmy young Yeah, you would have been like you'd be like you would have been writing poetry somewhere I would have had a whole different thing. It was not a whole different. I do I do have a And you want that a side vision of a small goat But here's here's why I got all of us together tonight

You know, I wanted to talk about the book you know we did it it was a long fucking road. You jumped in halfway through I would say around halfway right. We had another editor. Yeah yeah I'd say yeah it was about halfway. Halfway through we had an editor. It's had written a full a full draft full draft or what you considered to be full Well, we thought yeah, this is this is what this is what Mike man did we not like you We he Mike stepped in I don't know where our other editor got fucking canned or left or whatever No, she took a great new job at a different house. Okay, so she just said, fuck it, she got a better job. Okay. And Mike walks in and we thought we were done with the book. We never wrote a book before.

No. We thought we were fucking geniuses. We were, this is done. We said yes to all her notes or no. We did that little thing, that little checklist. We were like, good, this is done. Yeah, wrap it up, get some shit on it. Remember when she told us, too, she's like,

I think it could use maybe these extra chapters and we're like, no, she was like, all right. Yeah, because she knew, in hindsight, though, she knew she was probably going. Yeah. She knew, like, if she was staying, I don't think she would have been like, okay, you know what I mean? But then Mike comes in, okay, yeah, okay, now,

and he gave us all this extra work to do. And we took offense to it like he was fucking us, but he was literally trying, did you even read the manuscript when I gave it back to you? Or did you just read the note that I sent? And you guys said, oh no, this isn't gonna stand. Which time, which time? You said, that fucking manuscript came back eight fucking times.

With an email that said, we're almost out of the woods guys I wanted to burn the fucking woods down Which time do you mean? The first time the first time I read it. I read it and then that's he's I should have got it I We had a phone call you guys were You guys were I And and I know I by that point I think I was upset. I don't even remember

Yeah, I was like who are these guys, you know, yeah, I think some some lines got crossed I thought that you guys were too busy to come say hello to me, right couldn't hash this out in person Yeah, and and Billy was over in the West Coast, which was making things like difficult for us to get in the same room at the same time. Still is. Still is. I don't know, I heard he went to Australia.

He came back. He came back. He went there for a week. He didn't go. Anyways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so you're good. I'm kidding.

So we have these crossed crossed wires and this communication or whatever yes, and Then we finally got on the phone. I think that that your agent had written to me or I had written to the agent I'll tell you what it was ready I talked to Joe and I said Joe We have to sit down face to face with this guy We need to meet him because you don't know who somebody is until you shake their fucking hand and look him in the eye and sit down and talk It was like we're dealing with this person. We've never physically met ever so let I can I can be I'm a quick judge a character

I know Joe is too because of what we do It's I'll meet you in two seconds. No, if you're a fucking hunk of garbage Or if you're full of shit and it's like let's meet we gonna meet this guy and sit down with him And I did read the thing and his notes look he wanted to cut you know a lot of shit out Yeah, but his note after I read it I was like I talked to my wife. I was like it It makes sense, but I don't know enough about a book to know what the fuck's going on if disguise. So then it was like me and Joe will like, let's go meet this guy.

And that's when they set it up. And I think when we sat down, first of all, Simon and Schuster, it's just offices. I thought it was gonna be, you know, walls and secret passageways. And I thought it was gonna be like, you know, like crown molding and like, you know, like shit like you know like crown molding and like you know like shit to you know like in uh like 48 hours which we're meeting in what's that what's it wait hold on like you know these big rooms of these old money rooms you know what I mean like on fifth like you thought

it was gonna be like like masterpiece theater like there's like a fire place yes yeah like we want to go into his office and there was going to be a dog. It's like when we're going to a synagogue that give you a Yamaka, like you come into Simon and a Schuster and they give you an old blazer and a pipe. Yeah, like some, it was just a regular office. Yeah, I mean, it's, it's, it's,

I was like, wow, and then we went into this room that was kind of white. And we sat at this big fucking table and you got us a lunch and you had a salad. I got a salad, Joe got a sandwich because the two fatties got salads. Right? Yeah.

And then, yeah. But that's when I remember when I was like, all right, this guy's nice. This guy's, this guy if anything is a good guy, right, Joe? Well, I agree, because I remember, it was such a relief when you guys showed up. I was like, oh, all right, this guy's, I mean, you weren't carrying yourself and, you know,

I mean, that's how we felt when we met you. I mean, I remember saying this to Bob, you have the exact same voice as this guy I grew up with who's like an ultra-hip cocksucker of a guy. You know, and he just lies to your fucking face, shit. We go out the foe the first time I go, I know this fucking guy. I grew up with him.

I know what I know this fucking guy rolls. You could just see the skinny jeans just like plastered on me. Yeah, and I thought, this is really what I thought, man, I thought, I thought we were gonna come meet you and I thought you were gonna be, I thought you were gonna be like the, like when you go to, when you go to like, like an agency, an agency agency,

and you meet the young hotshot agent guy. On network, when you go to a network of some talk show Like a really in that guy comes out with you know sneakers and a suit jacket. Yeah, exactly. Here's what Whitney wants Okay, let's try to stick to the script. That's not even a shot at Whitney It's just but that's the kind of was probably be working on what you're kind of trying to get out of it I just realized it slipped out. Go fuck you She my friend. I'm just saying like, she's not your friend.

She's not your friend, no. You're fucking acquaintances. You know, she picked me up at the airport once. One time, never. I knew Whitney, when she was not famous enough to get the Christmas off the air. She picked somebody up at the airport once. Still, and there are no buddies.

So go ahead. So she, anyway, but that like, yeah, some guy in a boat going you know, Chris walk pick me up at an airport once You do those shows right like you're saying and that guy comes out and I was like this is This fucking guy's gonna show up with a fucking thin leather jacket on and some quarter-roids and some fucking wing tips And I'm like I'm fuck this guy and then when I sawids and some fucking wing tips. And I'm like, I'm a fuck this guy. And then when I saw you and I was like, oh, this is Mike, like, all right, he's fucking. Yeah, he was like, he was very,

he was endearing right when you met him. I was just wanted to hug him. I wanted to bite his face. He was just a nice, you could tell right away that you're a nice guy. Yeah, totally sure. And then, and then this is what you did great. I don't know who taught you it, but you did it great.

You knew how to compliment us and then give us marching orders. You knew how to suggest things in a way, but always at the end of a compliment, like guys, this is great, love it, this is going great. We might want to. This is what I call the sandwich theory. Right. Of course, I would call it a sandwich theory. I would too. If I'm with you, you need the bread of compliments and the meat of, you know,

whatever is actually going to sustain the, you know, you can't have a sandwich while the meat, right? But it's the bread that that helps you hold it. Yeah, conveys it to your mouth. And it goes down. Yeah, you fucking get fucking dummies like us to do what you need us to do so you don't get fired. Yeah, it's called manipulation. Yeah, it's called psychology. Put a nice, fucking sandwich title on it. It's called suckering somebody.

As controlling fucking shit headdivers, that shouldn't be devours. Because one of them doesn't have to spell your correctly. Oh, yeah, listen Listen Mike, but here's a I didn't ever say anything to you that wasn't the truth now heartfelt No, no, you're very sincere about you know, I really thought this book had real potential I thought that this was something that wasn't being said in the culture. Do you really were thought like as in past tense? Well, at that time, I'm describing my mental state.

Okay. I mean, now I know because you guys took that potential. Hey, you made something. There you go. Very good. And so the way I felt about the book was man, in small bursts this thing is really funny. But in order for me to read it as a book, you guys just don't know how to write a book. So you need, I think maybe in this first letter that I sent you guys, I said, I feel like

you guys are the funny guys. And I'm the nerd who's going to tell you how a book happens. And you guys be funny on top of the structure that I give you. And that's eventually what happened. I mean, eventually. But here's the thing. We have to view an example. So do you remember when we were talking about something

for the jacket, I think, or the back cover of the book? I said, we need a short phrase, something really memorable and catchy, something that's kind of a little bit funny, but that articulates the general thrust of the book. I tried to work the word thrust in there, you know, bring it back. You love words. Right, right. And, you know, so I think we had like a four-minute conversation and then Joe goes I got it and um they're just give me half an hour and so half an hour later I get a call from you guys and Joe says oh right I ran it best past Billy I ran it past Bobby I've got it monoghied man you really kill a good story wow Jesus Christ I want to give you the books you can read it? Yeah, take this.

Monogamy has met its match. Perfect. I couldn't have written that. In fact, I tried to write it for like a day and a half. And I couldn't. So I told you guys exactly what objective it needed to satisfy. You know what I wanted to do But they nullified it what I wanted to say Getting caught cheating on the person you love is the worst feeling you'll ever feel as a man

Almost getting caught is the best feeling. I thought that was in the book. I want it on the back But you guys nullified it. I don't know what nullified means. You said no. You went like this. You went, you guys went, no, you didn't get in a stand. You understand. Wait, why would we say no to that? That's a great thing. This was better. This was to the point. I got a bone bone bone bone. But here's the thing. This is good. It's just, it's too, it's too many words. Yeah, too many words, which I thought you'd like, but whatever. Here's a thing this is good. It's just it's too it's too many words. Yeah too many words which I thought you'd like but whatever Here's a thing Here's the thing is that you came in we were all we were so

Like what the fuck and we're almost done and then you come in and you Literally took this car and and wanted to redo the inside, the outside, the paint job, the engine. You wanted a lot done to this car that we were about to sell for fucking 1500. I drove in a Pinto. Yeah, I know. Well, we didn't understand the book process. And then once we met you and then we figured out

that all you're trying to do is your job and that not that she didn't do a job but maybe it was the start it was the start of the job I guess and we thought we're almost done slice a bread right and we had to finish this. Jesus you're better can you get up go buy a loaf of bread and hit him with it but yeah I think it was I think I think Carrie her name. Yeah, she's she's she's very sweet. And she's very smart And I think yeah, I think she did her job up until the point when she left Mm-hmm. And I think I think I think had she stayed there would have been that second talk where she would have hated her Till listen, you know, but like but yeah, so I mean we we really thought we're he is luck. Yeah, I

Think we all do at this point, and I think we did prior to, but especially now, like we admiration for the author, you know, it's like, I really respect guys. You know, it's funny, like after this, I was talking to somebody about this book, and I said, I get it now, like when I used to read a Stephen King book and he described

like the crack in the wall for a page. Oh God. I really, what the fuck, man, I don't care. And now I get it. It's like, oh yeah, you got a Fill a fucking page. Yeah, but he's no, well, let's talk though. He's a little ridiculous. You don't need fucking 9,000 page books. He's a little Fucking nuts. But I understand what you say. So it's like well, well, well, here's the thing. My respect for authors went up through this whole process, but I was gonna because of that It was a None of us what I was gonna say is none of us wanted to be authors. That was never a dream of ours You know, so when this idea got presented to us we were like

Yeah, okay, that sounds like a cool idea. You know like I did We had no idea how fucked up this. And here's the thing, too, is that writing a book by yourself with an editor, I would imagine would be a way easier job than having to run every thought by two other guys. And not there. This is why Middle East peace process is so difficult. This very thing. I mean, it was all had veto power, right? Yep, two over one, two over one.

And we got into so many fucking huge arguments. And it was sometimes it wasn't even about the book. It was just we were putting in so much work into this book and then we had our careers which were fucking, we're all over the place. And then we had, you know, acting stuff and auditions and all this other stuff. And we wrote the TV script.

We were writing at the same time. Oh yeah, forgot about that. We were writing a script for FX. And it was fucking heavy. We went from doing stand up and writing jokes to writing a script, writing a book, you know, doing our shows. I script, writing a book, you know, doing our shows, I mean, and a bunch of other shit that's going on. I was filming a TV show at the time, the Tutu, and it was fucking crazy.

And to this point, everything that you guys had ever written was just for yourself. Jokes or scripts? Yeah, when you develop your act, I mean, you're getting feedback from people when you do it every night. But, I mean, you're not there, you know, licking your pencil and some guy like me isn't saying, well, you know, I think you need to wait three seconds before you deliver that punchline or something. Yeah, that's, that's the tough part. It's much for private type of thing. Yeah, that's tough. And even with, uh, me telling Joe that I don't think that's funny. Well, Billy telling me, I don't think

that's funny. It was like, what? It was hard to swallow those moments in trust, Joe, and Billy. Look, buddy, we're cutting that. Do you think that it got funnier? The three of you guys working together? Did you have one of those Captain Planet moments where, you know, I'm choosing your Mati, your, the, the earth guy, and Billy's the, the one with the red hair. Right.

Right. But, you know, you put your rings together, and then all the earth guy and billy's the one with the red hair right but you know you put your rings together and then all of a sudden there's this superpower why you are a fucking nerd oh my god that's it i love you i will nerd match that analogy good

uh... it was i really think it was i don't mean this in an arrogant way at all but I'm just saying to just for the sake of an example. I feel like it was like, I mean, it's gonna be very arrogant. Well, I felt like it was like, It's a sandwich. She is employing the sandwich technique. It was like the Avengers.

Like we were fucking fighting and knocking head so much, but when like the final showdown came and it was like, stop fucking around, we've got a job to do. We came together and we did it together very well. But it was like, stop fucking around. We've got a job to do. We came together and we did it together very well. But it was like, up until that point, you needed to see the shadow of the alien spacecraft coming over the earth before we were like,

okay guys, let's stop fucking around. We had a meeting one day. Bobby, we've joke about this in the podcast before, but it's true. Bobby's got a church across the street from his apartment, and the amount of nights we've sat on those steps going, look dude, I know you mean well, man. And like I know, you know, like,

I'm like, you know, like, I'm like in the after school special. Like just fucking brutal brutal fights. But we had a discussion, I remember this day, very, very, very, very clearly. It was a very significant day in our professional lives and in our friendships. The three of us,

we got on the phone one day, I think Burr said it, he was like, no more fucking egos, none, egos are done, it's this simple, we each do our work, and if two other guys say no, you tap out and you don't even question it, we like, let's stop, because we're not gonna be friends anymore, it's gotta stop, and we're gonna fuck up our opportunity if we don't get out of. Like, let's stop. Cause we're not gonna be friends anymore. Like, it's gotta stop. And we're not gonna, we're gonna fuck up our opportunity

if we don't get out of each other's way. And then like, it just stopped. Like, literally overnight, we never fucking fought ever again. Ever again. It was, it was, it was, it was a hard thing, man. It was, and I'm glad anything that's worth doing has these stories, has these fucking, you know, it's never easy. Something that you is good or something that you really give a shit about.

But it got really fucking, I mean, for me, look, man, I was in jewelry hall at 15. I didn't graduate. I was trying to shift these guys when nobody joke, but writing a book for me was out of the, I mean, I told my grandfather's before he died. He was blown the fuck away It was one of his favorite things that I was writing a book because I I never went to school I didn't go to fucking school. I went to the shit's classes And then I went to I went to college, but I went for art because you know, I failed basic English in college

I started doing comedy, I was gone. So to sit here and write a book, I learned so much from Joe and Billy and you on writing. I remember just sitting there and looking down at the bottom of the page and Norton gave me great advice too. He was like, just right. And if your brain goes into another story, just go and let it go.

If you're writing about one thing in all of a sudden, you're writing about the transsexuals balls story or you being molested, just go. Because it might be something you use later, but it will keep the process going. And it might actually be something you. So when I was writing my, we would give each other homework

Like I'd go, you know Joe you do this pill you do this Bobby you do this and then we filtered it through the other two That's how we wrote it. So we tried to make it sound like one voice. Yeah But when I turned off that way I think so too But when I wrote the when I was writing my stuff I remember just sitting there writing words and I was, I was, you could go insane. You could fucking go, because you're writing for hours and you look down this like 600 words,

you're like fuck, it's like getting a tattoo. You think he's almost done, but he just did the outline. And you're like, I can't do it, I can't do it, fuck it. When they go back and do the outline again, you're like, what the fuck, you already did that, you know? And so if it, very simple, yeah, I'm really like OCD and like Ainal Retiniv.

So I, excuse me, I edit a lot as I'm writing and I can't not do it. So I keep going back. Yeah. Like, Jermicey Manhattan by Woody Allen, where he's like doing that in, where you hear him like, doing the intro to his book. I like right like that and I just keep going back.

So it's like it takes me forever just to get through like two paragraphs. My favorite time was writing with Joe when we would get together and tackle a chapter together. Because we worked great together. We had the shit we went back and forth and what I had, he didn't, what he had, I didn't. So those were fun.

Because we were, I mean, we really got into like making this shit polished. Yeah. Yeah. And then when we, that's a bluest away too. When we turned in what we thought was a finished book and you were like, all right guys, we're going to get, you know, this the, we're like, what motherfucker? Yeah. What motherfucker?

But then once we started to do the work again, it started to make sense. Like your critiques and, oh my God dude, if you didn't know how to work with fucking children, if he was a fucking asshole, or one of those alpha male or, you know, fucking guy, it wouldn't have happened.

The way you are and the way you talk to me, like a child and made me okay. That's because I believe your heart is pure. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha con volotea la región de Murcia nunca ha estado tan cerca, espectacularismos, rincones de película y un sincín de aventuras desperan. ¡Fliparás! Vuelades de madrida murcia y a otros destinos que te sorprenderán a partir de 19 euros. Volotea. Parifa sujetas a disponibilidad, consulta las condiciones en volotea.com. ¿Más, ¿a qué se pende?

Es un script writing, ¿no? Sí, es the worst. It's worse than... How does that compare? I've heard people say... Writing a script is easier because it's not 20,000 words, you know, a week. It's fucking, you know, you're writing a script and it's dialogue. So dialogue is kind of fun and I love writing dialogue because you literally talk to yourself and acting out the scene and you're writing it down and then somebody reads it and goes, oh, that's great.

But then when you turn it in, it's got a chain. I mean, we wrote that FX script. Jesus Christ, how many rewrites. Because you know what sucks about that. We rise coming from you guys. We know from them. Exactly. And the production company too, because we're working with a puzzle, whose their production company

and a management company. And we are working with a puzzle whose their production company and a management company and we are working with them So then you had production company notes first Where they would say look guys before we go to the next stage of showing effects these pages We have to do these things to this then you'd show them that revised thing That's all about quality, you know, you know This guy's character needs to be established earlier on in the scene or something like that. And is it like, you know, that's going to cost us $50,000 to shoot and that's three seconds of the script. There was none of that. Like, the script is pretty grounded, you know, it's just guys in New York,

but like, it was like, but the hardest part about TV writing is there are, there are these sort of caps and boundaries and stuff that don't exist with a book. So it's very ambiguous. So somebody will say something to you like, okay, you'll have The script for Star Wars for instance, right? Just as an example you wrote that script and then they'll go The script is really good. We really like it. Here's the thing though. We feel like Chubaka's voice isn't there and you got to okay great. He needs to have more of a presence and a voice. But what does that really mean? Does it mean he needs to be in more scenes? Does he need to

does he need to have a more of an opinion? Does he, you know what I mean? There's a million ways you can go with that, and then any one of those ways can then affect the script. And then in this direction and that direction, and then if you take it to foreign certain direction, they can go, whoa, whoa, what did you do? You just really turned this whole thing on its ear now.

It's a very, very ambiguous thing. Whereas with a book, it's more like, look man, this chapter about the lake is too fucking long. You know, we got to shave it down. We need a chapter that bridges these two things together. You know, at least that's what I took from that experience. So basically it would be if I was like, okay, guys, I read the thing. It's great, but it needs to be funnier. Go make it funnier. Yeah, it's a very vague thing. Well, you know, I mean, it was, I mean, I think writing a book is, I mean, knit picking. It's like we need something here. That doesn't make sense. This could be funnier.

We need something to join these, we need to write another chapter to make these, these two chapters make sense. You know, writing a script, they, their notes are, you know, one page. And then it gets down to, we like it or not. And then they go, no. Like, there's no like it or not with you. You already liked it, you bought it. Now, your job is to make it fucking good.

And make it so, because you know what, people who read books like we I don't I mean that's what the the people that affects would say though they would say we know what the people who watch FX like sure yeah but it's the it's the way that they pay you differently when you're writing for television so in a in a book scenario what we'll do is we'll come up with you know you'll send in a proposal typically we'll meet I'll say I up with, you'll send in a proposal typically, we'll meet, I'll say I love it, and then I'll talk to my publisher

and see, we'll figure out what we think it's gonna sell, and then we come back to you guys with an offer based on how many books we think it's gonna sell. And we can negotiate from there, but then we pay, right when you sign a contract, when you deliver the book, and it's all complete, and then when we publish it. Yeah. So most annoying part of the whole book.

The process, I remember I was in a rubah, I got a phone call, and I remember we all agreed, we're going with Simon and Tuesday because it was more than one person, one house that one of the book. I love the way you looked at me as though, you're telling me this is the light. We're going with Simon and choose to because it was more than one people person that one one house that wanted the book I love the way you looked at me as though you're telling me this is the light What I still didn't want to do it or something?

No, you're by the way Michael Well, it was I remember how excited I was when they were like yeah, there was a couple people and we think we should take this and I love when Management and agency we think you should do this right because it just makes it easier on me I just you know because I would have said yes for fucking ten bucks If you guys are like look do the first one for free. I'd be like all right So I was I hung up the phone like it was one of those moments those Rudy moments on the bench Well, you get accepted to Notre Dame, you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean I was like wow But I didn't know I had no clue because that 30 page proposal was so good and so wow and so easy to do for us

That I thought we're gonna fly through this cut to two years later Fuck me and To a book man a book to be successful There's so many fucking people writing books. It's like podcasts. It really is. It's like everybody has a fucking book. And you know what pisses me off? It's not that everybody writes their books, Mike. That's true. You guys did. You guys put on the work. I saw the sweat. I heard the tears weeping softly. Yeah,. Right, right, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I became friends with you writing this book because I needed to call you

and talk to you about, look, what about this? What, you know, and it's being in somebody else's head, you know, being an editor and that's one of the things I love about my job, really. I feel like I know you better now having, and you too, Joe and Billy too. Right. Better than you. Not so much Billy though.

I know I did talk more with you guys. But even Billy, there's, you get to see how somebody's brain works more. You know, it's different than just having a conversation or going out for dinner or you're hanging out for a weekend or whatever that you do as a friend. It's, you're really in each other's headspace, trying to talk about the thing that you want to do to get it done better. And there's something, I mean, it feels magical to me. That's why I get up and go to work every day because I love that feeling of actually working on something, crafting it with somebody else. And it's not just like an assembly of any kind. It's in a way it's kind of like

you're going to make fun of me this for this. But okay. I'm in. Probably. Making a book is made up of writing a book is made up of a hundred thousand, 500 thousand small decisions, which word comes next essentially, which idea comes next. And there's no roadmap, even if you have an outline, in that chapter, you know that you need, I don't know, to talk about how to get laid in Rio or something. But how do you convey it? It's just this series of all of these decisions

that if you're sitting there at your desk or on a couch with your laptop or whatever, you're right one word and then the blank space that comes next is just confronting you. And choose what comes next. Well, there are 500,000 words that you could choose. Right. And being an editor, it gives me a little bit of space to come in and tell you and help show you the choices that you've already made almost unconsciously and help you

work through the choices that are even more difficult or that you've been unconsciously avoiding. Yeah, so no, that may mean it can I ask you one question out of the book now it's done it's out it's there is there anything that was in it that you you wanted to change or that you wish that we took out or looking at it now like fuck we I wish this happened as the editor as our editor is there something where you like Oh the fuck This should have been taken out. Oh, we should have did this you guys didn't want to do it, but we should have did it I don't think so come on son Now the one thing that I would change a little bit

I mean each one of you guys in separate ways as we were coming closer to the end of it you You each got a little bit skittish. It was like after two years of working on this thing together You finally realized that you were writing a book about cheating on people that you love right and each one of you had a Conversation with me at some point where I hung up the phone and thought What what did they just now realize what they signed up for? I mean, this has been working on this book. And for two years, I mean, it's not an exquisitely long time to work on a book, but for a book that's, you know, for, well, I think you could have done this one in a shorter period of time.

I think we had a little bit of a blip when I came on the process there. I think that was the blip that we, I think we could have done this one in a shorter period of time. I think we had a little bit of a blip when I came on the process there. I think that was the blip that we, I think we should have done, it should have been done in a year and a half, maybe under a year and a half. We could have got this done. And it might have, I mean, I think the time on that, being so long for me, and then I was in a totally different place in my life two years later. Yeah. I mean, in my relationship with my wife, we were trying to have a kid, you know, and you know, and then I remember what fucked me up. I just wanted it to be funny, funny, funny,

funny. It's about being funny. And I remember when I went in with Jess, our PR lady from Simon to Tuesday, and we went into the Katie Kirk show, and I was like, okay, let's do this. And I was like, cool. I thought it was going to be fun and funny, but this guy was like, so we're going to have a segment about cheating and you'll be the expert on cheating. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I'm like, look, I can go over the psychology, but I'm funny with, you got to read the book. We're not, we're telling you to cheat, but we're doing it in a funny, fucking, honest

way. It's like, it's more like average American male, like that type of honest funny, how guys are. And it kind, that kind of flipped me out a little bit where I was like, okay, listen, make sure, let's make sure that we promote this in the right way so that we're not, you know, the guy, you know, I'm on some circuit and I'm at a fucking bookstore by myself because Joe and Billy took, said, go fuck yourself. And I'm the expert cheater and my wife's in a whole tower

I'm getting egged by other women as she walks down the street with my baby, you know what I mean? Right, right, and I mean I remember Billy too was be a little fucked up about it But yeah, yeah a lot changes in two years a lot changes in two years I mean, you know those worries that you had I guy had opposite worries. I got to a point where I was like What the fuck am I doing like every girl I date from now on I'm gonna have to do some girl say some a couple girls I had a girl flip her fucking lid in my apartment because she saw the manuscript sit there She lost her fucking mind and you know, but but if you're if you know how to get the book you know how to get it back in and suck your dick and

Tell to beat it suck your dick and tell it to beat it. By you. Chap the fucking, yeah, you do. Yeah, I mean, it's, you know, it was just, I think also too. Can I just say one thing real quick? My wife deserves a fucking present on an award. She sat there in the kitchen with us, me and you, me and Billy, myself while I wrote a book, how to cheat and get away with it,

and never once gave me shit. Never once was like, she just, and she, a couple times helped us. Dude, both of you and Bill, your girls, like I was impressed by that. I remember seeing Billy's girl talking to her about it. Billy wasn't in town, but his girl was, and I had to go pick up a box of books

that went to the apartment accident. And we were talking and she's like, it's so exciting. And she's like, she goes, can I read? Can I have one to read? I remember I called Billy and I was like, can I give you a girl? I'll be this book. And she's like, yeah, and I gave it to her. And she's like, he excited. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying? She's like, why do you guys seem so nervous? Like, like, both of your girls were more, like, lacks about the whole thing than we were. Like, it was just nerve-wracking a bit.

And I think, too, you know. You know, I took it as a good sign that you were nerve-wracked a little bit, you know, because if you guys were going into this, we've got 240 pages of how to cheat on your spouse, your girlfriend, you know, how to accumulate notches on the bedpost. If you guys had always told me that you wanted this to be real, you wanted it to be funny, but you wanted it to be honest, too, and to be an accurate portrayal of what went on inside a guy's head. And I thought it was hilarious.

Yeah. And when you guys started getting a little bit skittish, like a month or so before we published, I thought, all right, these guys actually delivered what they wanted to. You said things that were so honest, you were now a little bit worried about having other people here though.

Yeah, it's that moment where you're like we we we were very honest about something and now oh my god We're actually going through with this we still we're gonna do it either way, but like you know is that fucking Kanye West, you know moment. I was a reason he was shaking when he was like Bush doesn't care about black people shaking when he was like Bush doesn't care about black people TV. That's how you feel. You're like, I'm gonna do it. But I was fucking terrified. I didn't care about what I knew what we wrote. I was proud of what we wrote because it was funny and an honest thing. But I was I was afraid of being put out there like we went on CNN. I we had that talk ago sound bites sound we need sound bites, dude.

I'm not going on. We talk, it goes sound bites. We need sound bites, dude. I'm not going on. We need to be funny sound bites. And right at the end, they asked you a question and Joe went into the biology of, it's like, oh shit. And they, and all the way went, oh, fuck, you know, because they caught them. They sent them out there and then he went into the, and they got them. And you know what they did? They edited that.

I jumped in at the end I went it's funny if you don't laugh at this you're dead inside Something like that and then everybody laughed they cut that part out and they just put the part of Joe So it was like it made it a serious thing like we're really we are but we're making you laugh you fucking more I don't like that lady what the CNN lady really the brunette although the main chick from that show a big fan hers Are you really yeah? What's her name? I think it's all that over so that'll Brian I like didn't care for so and I like the black dude too He had me was great. He had me on a show. It was awesome. He was great. Um

Come black dude fucking Jesus Why we suck it publicizing the book that black dude was great. I feel like I like seeing in right I liked Shobas tonight was great. Oh, I fucking hated it because again I you know, I that's when I know that's when I said sound bites because I started rambling Because yeah, you said that thing that, because here's a deal. We had no information of this show. Here we are at, what are they gonna ask us?

Where are they, what are they doing? And they asked me, they literally just take these little pieces out of the book and went lies, Robert. What about lying? And it's like, what the fuck? What was the thing you said? I said women lie too. I mean women no one will.

I just rambled. I just fuck. Something about he cookies the shower. I do. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's like, was that okay, dude? I'm like, I was fucking great. What are you talking about? He's like, he just kept going like, I just, I don't know, dude. He just was like, and I've 10 minutes into it.

I just go, Bobby, I know you feel insecure about that thing you said about you cookies in the shower. And he's like, I did, did make sense. We need sound bites. And I was like, we did, did make sense! We need soundbite! And I was like, we need soundbites dude! I knew that was fucking fun. But then next day you got caught right out there. Yeah, I know.

I learned so much about promoting. And I used to watch people on these news programs, the books, and I was like, yeah, this phoney. No. They're actually doing what you need to do. Say the same thing over and over on every fucking show and people will go buy your book. Don't get caught out there.

Promote the book the way you have to have a game plan in promoting something and it has to be pushed by all the people. If, especially with us, we had three different people promoting it and we have to, you have to, this is what the book is. Find out what that angle is and push that. You can't be all over the place with, you know, what we were. That's probably something that, I mean, you asked about regress before. I should have, I should have coached you guys better on that, I guess.

We never did. I never, dude, you know, we've, I've been on shows just to be funny, but I was never on promoting a book. Yeah, well, I mean, that's the thing. Whenever I've seen you guys or heard you guys on the radio, I mean, you guys are so quick. Yeah, you know, I'm, you know, here I am sitting in this, in this room on a hard chair that squeaks and, I'm like, I'm told you to take the coach,

you're cocksucker, you said that. No, I'm just, I'm saying, you know, I, all right, I appreciate your hospitality, the beautiful man. You guys have it. I'm good when I get to read something or hear it digest it, think it through like a half dozen times, write it, edit it,

and then send something back. That's when I can be at my best. Right. Whereas you guys, I mean, you say one thing, it just, you know, you're so much faster. You've got the repartei down, and I don't have that, you know? Yeah, but, I mean, here's the thing, that would have been a good point for you to say,

oh no Mike, you're great. No, we agree. You don't lumper nickel. I want to listen to that show. DJ Plum Pinnacle is, I kind of like it now. You guys like it. You know that the Canadian band Godspeed, you black emperor, never hear about them? No.

Well, I've never, literally never. What a reference. Now, it's like this 13 piece ensemble where they'd like Incorporated found recordings of you know like random crazy people Ranting and Montreal over you know a bunch of cellos and kettle drums and stuff. That's kind of cool It's pretty cool, but it was also I mean that was the type of stuff that I typically played on petra core Patrick or begs me sick played on Petra Corp. Petra Corp makes me sick.

Yeah. What it's a wonderful smell, isn't it? It is. The day of the show. It is. So, I mean, wrapping this up, you could, DJ Blum and Ego, and wrapping this, I mean, you could pretty much say that you you You should thank us for your promotion because you went from I

Was an associate editor when I did it and then I published the book and became and became an editor Yeah, now you're an official editor Simon and Schuster. That's right good. Yeah. Thank you guys Yeah, thank you. I owe all of my success to you Good. Yeah, thank you guys. Yeah, thank you. I owe all of my success to you. I know. That's how we bring it up.

That's how I want to bring it up. Actually, I kind of feel like publishing a book like this without getting fired is really the test of a man. So could you have gotten fired for this book? No. Oh, OK. I don't think so. Now, now, this book is out there now,

and you kind of said something to me that made sense to me. You push it as hard as you can. You try to get people to buy it the first week or so. And then after the third week, it's there. And it kind of does its thing. It's kind of out in this river of books. And now it could something could happen or some one of us could do something or some, you know, and it could actually explode. Is that a chance? Is that happen with books is yeah it I mean it happens all the time I mean the a lot of the stuff that that we think of as what I'm really saying is Billy might make it someday this book might become

popular yeah which he will eternally regret yeah I can't do it. Take my name off the book. I mean books do have a life of their own, you know, yeah, I mean this book is when we publish it, you know, if October 9th, yeah, is that it? Yeah, so it's, I mean, it's not even six months old yet, you know, right? So that's young. It's young. It's got It's got a life to lead. I mean, there's a lot of hopes for this. We've got insane reviews on this book. We really did. I mean, here's a couple of them right here.

Even though I'm a woman, I love this book. This book is very funny and well worth the read if you like any of the authors. I'm only halfway through this book, but this has been a hilarious read by three of my favorite comedians. And of course a lot of our fans bought this book, but they would have let us know. There was one guy I'd like to fucking just, this guy was a fucking, I hope he dies a miserable fucking death. I really do.

Fucking tried to get that, I the review day. By Jason from Houston, Texas, I hope you die in a fucking helicopter accident, but I hope you're not in the helicopter. I hope you're barbecuing having a great time by a pool and the helicopter fucking falls from the sky to the back propeller, not the front heavy one, the back one, right when you think you're about to live in fucking rips your head off. I have not and will not buy this book. I'm just tired of all this promotion on Twitter and ONA. Oh, I'm sorry.

What a fucking cock sucker. He fucking, and I reported that to Amazon like this is an unfair review. There's this admitting that he didn't even read it and he gave us one star. Right. And they don't do anything. A lot lot of people if I remember that one yeah a lot of people responded to him and said shut up You didn't even buy the book. Yeah Yeah, like what they're talking about just turn the radio off. I tuned man. I had a guy on iTunes on one of my albums. It said Got multiple albums

All of them critically acclaimed. There was only one that was good. Listen, first one, top 10 albums in 2011. Yeah, mine was actually, my, my album was actually album of the year comedy album. With just the tip, but items. It was album of the year. Album of the year.

Album of the year. The album of the year. Album of the year. Or one of the albums. So for a week, I was at the top thing. 2000 comedy album of the year. Album of the year. Or one of the albums. So for a week I was at the top thing. 2000 comedy album of the year. Comedy. I'm still going to be out rean.

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. You outdid my shitty bragging. Why? So I was doing it to be funny and then you came in with like a show like, I'm sorry, I didn't know. I'm really doing this. No, no. So, but here's the, there was a guy on there that said I

Refuseless in this album. I hope Dero said dies in a fire. I can't fucking stand him. I reported the die tunes They took the fucking thing down, but I wrote that as a fucking Yeah, Amazon. They'll just leave that Yeah, actually there was there was one Amazon review that I loved I don't know if you guys ever saw this But it's by this woman who's got like 300 she maybe she should do a book She has like 300 product reviews mostly a books and other stuff right she claims to own a nut farm in Hawaii That's that is Rosanne. No, it's she says she's next to Rosanne's nut farm I was so excited that Rosanne liked our book and she hates Rosanne. Oh really?

Yeah, I because apparently her nut farm pollutes or something like that. I don't know But this woman is ridiculous really So you love the book. I thought that yeah, she's there's a show. I thought this one was just crazy Not a TV show. They're both fucking loans Yeah, but that's great. She loves our book loans, but that's great. She loves our book. That's great. Look, we got, I'll tell you, we got more great reviews.

We have one fuck you, 45 five star reviews on this great. That's great. That's fucking great. And we were number, shit, we were number five. Yeah, we were in the top 10 on Amazon top 10 categories for a little while. Yeah, that was nice Yeah, I think overall you I mean you were in the top 50 for a while Yeah, we got to 39 top 39 overall. Yeah, which was pretty epic for me For a book where half of the American population is probably not gonna buy it

Well, it's a hard sell. I mean, that's why I love the first cover. That's to be honest with you. When we had that thing that we didn't do, where it said, no, where it said, I love the cover. I love it. It looks great. It's so cool. I love what we actually finally came up with. But the original one where we had the flap where it said, Cheetah Man's Guide to the L.A. Sexy Photos, and then if you ripped that off, it said, eat a man's guide and had food photos. I thought that was great. I thought that would have been a unique twist, and it would have been kind of cool.

You know, and I, that's what, that's what kind of started getting me bummed out when the stuff that we were kind of promised at the beginning, and then it was all starting to be taken away at the end. No, it's not really, we can't do that. No, that doesn't make sense. You know what, this isn't gonna work. You know, it was like, but I think that overall, at the end, I was, you know, with the website

and the videos we made, and you know. That was great. We came together and- Their website's beautiful. Yeah, we really know we came together and websites beautiful yeah we really pushed and came together it was fun working with you guys on those videos too that was great and the final show the show we did was fucking amazing that was such a great night that was that was really where I got to see you guys in your

element I think I mean because I mean you saw me and my element working on the book but that was I was you guys swimming in the ocean when, when you would only been in a pool before, whatever. Yeah. And, uh, whereas, you know, we had a conversation on like a Saturday afternoon. I remember I was out of town and, uh, I like talked to you for half an hour on the phone. We were talking about these videos and, um, and Monday, I think two scripts show up in my inbox. Yeah. And I think you would have been on vacation where there wasn't even like internet access.

And you were doing shows out in Philly or Long Island or something. And I thought, holy crap, these are awesome. And how do these guys have the time to do something so polished? But we should just came out of you that way. You shot those things and then we, I think those were great. I wrote one of those on my I was going out to

McGuire's in Long Island that weekend when we were talking on the phone on the way out to McGuire's That was in the car going out and I wrote one of those on my no pet on my phone Yeah, we have like an hour drive. I was just like I was like fucking I'm doing this right now That was really and we filmed that stuff in like an hour drive. I was just like, I was like, fuck it. I'm doing this right now. And we filmed that stuff in like an hour, an hour and a half. Yeah. And then the editor was great. He put it together, unbelievable. He really did a great job.

Yeah, it was great. I'm really happy with the final product of everything. I wish it could have been in the top 10 on the New York time bestseller list. I wish that could have happened. Still can. Yeah, it can, but I wish that could have happened. Still can. Yeah, it can, but I mean, you want it that first week. And I think if once you get it on there the first week,

it becomes like the top 10 of podcasts of comedy, once you're up there, more people listen to you because you're there. So it just keeps feeding itself. There's momentum. Yeah, it feeds itself. I mean, the one thing that's gonna be, I mean, we can all agree, nobody's going to

stop cheating, really. Yeah. So this is something that's here to stay. This is the very best book on the subject, the funniest book on the subject. You guys, your careers will continue to increase in your breadth and depth. I mean, this is something that can only get better. And I'm proud of it. I'm really proud of how it turned out. So are we going to get a deal to write cheat too?

No. We say this book is everything you need to know. Where does the two come in? The cheat is how to be happy. The next book we read is how to be happily married or happily in a relationship. Right, yeah. Yeah, we're how to fall in love. That's the next book we need to write. How to be in love with a woman. It's called intimacy, a man's guide.

Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, that's nice. And yeah, there you go. Yeah, all right. All right. I'll talk it. All right, well, dude, thanks for coming down. Thanks for having me.

Congratulations and you welcome on the promotion. I know, yeah, I don't like it. I love you too. You do. You do. I like how you looked at me when you said that. I'm trying to make eye contact sometimes. I mean, it builds rapport.

I can always tell when Joe runs out of steam on a podcast, too, he starts, yeah. What tell when Joe runs out of steam on a podcast too. He starts. Yeah I run out of steam. Yeah, you're fucking aren't you aren't your risco limp like a fucking gay guy and a boutique a Pockable boutique have you noticed that about every 10 minutes? He's moved his chair back about an inch And he kind of opens his legs up a little bit wider. I get to fidgety. I get very uncomfortable when I do ONA I keep I stand up. They tell me to sit down. I get fidgety. I get very uncomfortable. When I do O&A, I keep, I stand up, they tell me to sit down. I can't. I get a very fidgety answer still. So, so if you guys, a little fans of this podcast, go buy the book. If you haven't bought the book yet,

go get it. Buy it on Amazon. You know what I say? Go to your local bookstore and buy the copies. That's right. There's only two or three copies in every bookstore. Go, go fucking buy them. And give them to people. I just saw Lonzo Bowden the other day. And he goes, I was in an airport bookstore. I saw your book. I was like, fuck, they finished it.

If he said he was the last time I saw you, we were up in Montreal. You guys are doing the live show. You were talking about the book. It's done. So go buy it, go buy it, and buy it, and give it to a neighbor that you don talking about the book it's done so go buy it go buy it and buy it and Give it to a neighbor that you don't like put it on this fucking put in the mailbox do something It's it's ten bucks online you're being in comm or amazon.com. I think it's like $10 and 18

Yeah, ten bucks online it comes to your house in two days. It's a fucking great book. It's a great gift for a friend The Bachelorette of birthday Whatever if someone's getting married. It's it's it look. It's a great gift for a friend of the Baxle Party, a birthday, whatever. If someone's getting married, it's, it's, look, it's, the reason why I say that, it's funny. You gotta know that. It's a funny, hilarious, honest look

at the world of cheating. And it's really, it's a book about being a man and having desires as a man. Yeah. Look, I said in every interview I did, I said the most important thing about this book is that it will potentially teach people to not do this. When you read this book and you see what a gigantic

responsibility this is and what a massive undertaking is, you will probably decide it's not fucking worth it, man. And I think that that's as positive as the way I could teach you how to get away with it. I actually disagree with that. I think you read this book, understand what I agree that it was a huge undertaking and you'll go, I'm still gonna try to get that plus aah.

Cause my wife's pussy is old. And I like young pussy. That's a good point. That's a song for cheered. I'm gonna get that Posa. My uncle by the way, I gotta give you his dread. I'm gonna send it to you. He wants to copy the book. Yeah. You can buy it. That's how to buy it. It's $10. Jesus Christ. It's my uncle for Christ. Support you. They give me the book. There you go. I keep telling them. I'm like, I don't know if I want you to read this man. He's like, I don't care. It's fine. I'm giving it a Hold is this guy?

He's probably 50s. I'm getting a copy of the book and I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna glue it shut and give it to my grandmother My mom stopped reading it. Yeah, she should cuz she's a good person The fuck is wrong with you? She got one chapter and she goes I had to put it down She goes it's too crass. I can't read it I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. But if you're a man or if you're a fucking cool ass broad, literally open this book to any page and find something that will make you squint with laughter. Yeah. I agree. Yeah go buy this book because we need to, do we get and we get nothing with the select ten million copies to get a

uh... yeah just go by the book for the purpose and go to uh... cheat a man's guide dot com watch the movie cheat that started all this and uh... yeah enjoy it yeah and watch the videos we did if you were talking about those videos that would be a joke wrote and

and and produced and It was they're really funny. So you can check them out there. You guys thanks for listening Mike Thank you so much for coming down and hanging out. You have a good time. I did all right. You got anything to promote you get a new book No, how can I do that? I mean this is the best book I worked on in 20 Boom, boom. Thank you fucking Fucking Mickey Flappjack. What was your name again? What was it? That was it.

That was it. He Flappjack. And the sunshine gang. What was the name? DJ Plumper Nickel. Heeching. Ah, fuck me, Joe. What was the show called?

The Green. Wait, I would have even had to even show again Petra Corp I will you please introduce your show like back in the day Introduce the show you and a song you're about to play ready? Shoot I have to think of a song suitably pretentious song. Okay. Say that fucking band you said earlier. Yeah, that's a good one I mean these they're song there their song titles like 14 words long

Or just make up one who cares all right ready all right all right, all right, and we're back This is WRCT Pittsburgh 88.3 FM. I'm your host DJ Pumper nickel plumper nickel I probably want to screw it up to let's do it again. Let's do it again. Ready do it again and we're back This is WRCT Pittsburgh 88.3 FM I'm your host DJ plumper Nicole and this is Petrocore up next Godspeed you black emperor I still want to hit him I want to wait and do whatever fucking basement this radio station was in and waited for him to get out of there.

And hit him with a fucking a 12 inch subway sub. Oh my god. Right beside the head. Music has no business beat on that show. Well, I got to tell you. That is a talk show. I was also involved in an experimental music collective. I think we called it, it was called

horse and burrow adoption. Oh god. I just, I like off on that. All right. Listen. Joe, go to Rosa, at Joe to Rosa comedy. At Joe to Rosa comedy, I don't know when this is coming out, but I have some interesting stuff coming up. I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to know about new stuff coming out with you. I know you know, that's why I didn't say. Yeah, it's coming out next week. I'm putting it out next week. It comes out next week. So I will be, when you hear this, that weekend, I'll be at crackers in Indianapolis, the broad.

That's interesting shit coming out? No, no, that's just a plug. Well, what do you got? Broad ripple crackers that week. And Boston, I'm taping a second half hour. That's great. uh... broad ripple crackers that week and boston i'm taping a second half hour that's great for comedy central so i'm taping we're taping in boston at the willber no i don't know where they take it that's great but boston mother fuckers that keep email me going when you come

and we don't know how many doing a half hours for a little bit of our taping make sure listen here's a deal guys get on these tickets now because they're gonna sell out. It's Comedy Central. These shows sell out. If you wanna see Joe DeRosa dangerous fucking Joe, you wanna see him tape, not only see him do his, especially, he's gonna tape his special,

do a half hour in bean town. Get on it, write the fuck now. Don't wait, don't think you're gonna get tickets that night. Go to Comedy Central, Google it, find out how you can get the tickets and get your tickets now. Fill that joint with, this is what I want you to do, fill it with Joe's fans, so that whoever's on the show with him bombs, and Joe kills.

That's what I did when I did my half hour. Other guy went on before me, I was like, that's right, I am, mom from Montana. Boom. Where's Fat Bob? Yeah, I'd love to see you. I think it's a great way to initiate Boston, like for the first, meaning the first show I'm ever doing there.

For to be this, it's really special. I love that fans there, man. Like it's gonna be electric and it's- What? It's gonna, what the fuck did you just this is what happens when you make me do the podcast pack with a pest from tired and hungry I fucking I did the perfect thing and you and it's gonna be electric oh it's gonna be a full night don't go it's gonna be a magic. Stop, don't get it, go, go, go. It's gonna be a match. It's gonna be a like gathering night.

Yeah. Goodbye. All right, guys. This is YKWD. You know what, dude? Podcasts, thanks for listening. Hey, what's going on? We want to thank our sponsors and our unofficial sponsors

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Laugh spin and cringe rumored.net. And of course the comedy seller for providing us with this insane studio. Riacast.com for all the fucking podcast needs. 12 of the funniest fucking shows on the planet. Alright Riacast.com, check out my fellow Riacast podcasters. And join their show, subscribe, and leave reviews. Support us, motherfuckers. And come to our live shows. Go to Robert Kelly Live.com.

I am in New York for the rest of the month, except for one date in Tampa coming up at the end of the month So make sure you check me out. I'm at Albany. I'm in Gotham. I'm all over the fucking place So go to my website check out my dates and buy tickets get a friend get a girl get a bunch of people come on to the shows and And fucking let's laugh. Together, motherfucker. So uh, that's it, that's it. That's fucking it, that's all I got. Bye. You know what I'm getting? I'm stuck in the water, I'm in the water

You know what I'm getting? Look at this box, look at this box, look at this You know what I'm getting? Really, really, really, really You don't get it I'm a sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh- Don't stop filming my face. Don't stop filming my face. ¡Ven y vive la emoción de la Navidad con Isma Madrid! Malinche, Guá, Juvenalia, Círclasica, oro viejo, Crismas by Starlight, Brech y muchos más para disfrutar con familia y amigos,

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