Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Dr. Pepper | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #26

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder talk about Luigi Mangione’s assassination of a healthcare CEO, what it means to loves sports and music, Luis being sober, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital. LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607  SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/  Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/https://twitter.com/luisjgomez  Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/  Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS   Small Batch Cigar https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/ (https://www.smallbatchcigar.com/) Code: REGZ for 10% off + 5% Rewards points DraftKings Play $10 and get $100 casino credits instantly with code “REGZ” HIMS Support the show at hims.com/regz for a free consultation VIIA Get 15% off with code REGZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? We're back. It's the Regs. It's Christmas season. We got Joe List, AKA the truth, Dan Soda, AKA corporate Dan and Louis J Gomez, the rattle. Can I say you did that a little? I don't want to, I'm not going to be critical, but I will say you did it weird. You went, you went, we have Joe list, the truth, Dan Soda, and it was like all blended into one like line. Good start. I mean, it's his thing.

It's his thing. Every week. No, you're getting a taste of unfiltered Lewis. The we. No, no, no. It's every time we open the show, Lewis feels like he has to become critique school teacher. Queen given.

And this is a thing that, this is a thing that you just let me get it out. Yeah. And I didn let me get it out. And I didn't even get to me. I never get to, Hey, and I'm Robert Kelly. It's always, it's always, can I just say one thing? Cause he's the podcast king, right? He's the point on your weekend to give you critiques of your joke.

Please come. Please, Bobby. Uh, can I make a suggestion? Yes. Yes. We're going to give you a director's chair for the next episode. Please, Bobby. Can I make a suggestion? Yes. Yes, we're going to give you a director's chair for the next episode. Yeah, go ahead. Make a suggestion. Well, I mean, you kind of take the lead every time now. It's kind of a YK to AD thing. It's the Genesis.

It's the fucking show. I take the lead, open the show, you guys do your thing. You're the ad-read guy. Yeah, I kind of direct the thing. fucking trigger people funny. He does voices hilarious. He throws in things. It's in the name. You're the rattlesnake. He really downplayed what Joe does on the show. He's here. Joe sits across from me, cigarless. I'm the fucking dude. I'm the dude that sits and boom, bam. And then we sit and that's it. You're trying. Can I tell you what you're trying to do? Can I tell you what you're trying to do? Can I tell you what you're trying to do?

Bobby ass first. I ass first. Thank you. The truth. Yeah. I always get you back. Thanks for being here. Be here, guys.

Thanks for peppering some stuff in. No problem. That's not true. I pepper jokes. You pepper jokes. You throw things in. Little joke. Peppa.

Here's the thing. The show is this. I open, start the show, we're here, I introduce you, then you guys go, you go, and I kind of fucking. Yeah, you bring us to the dog park and we. But we never, we are all equals on this show. We're all equals, but here's the thing, what you wanna do, you wanna open the show. We're gonna let you say your thing

and then I couldn't say my thing. No, you gotta say your thing, I'm not done saying. God, your guys' sex must be incredible. I'm not finished. I'm just saying just let me do my thing You do your thing. Can you guys you know the music they use at award shows? Play Bobby off he's caught because you don't like people talking. No, that's not true. I love people talking I'm a podcaster through and through no you like yapping. So go ahead. You'd say your thing Well, I was just saying, we never actually had a discussion about who is the show.

There's no discussion. There's no discussion. Discussion. Discussion. Discussion. Discussion all the time. There's no discussion. Discussion all over my pants. This is the fucking show.

You're who you are on the show. I know you're the fucking podcast general, whatever you call it. He's the python of podcast. Yeah, he's the python of rattlesnake, the pointy called podcasting. This show. Just go out of your way to mix up your nicknames. general is the Python of podcast the regs will stay the regs the fucking regs it's regular you're not gonna open up the hey and I know well see maybe you be

like hey I'm Robert Kelly's like hey I'm the truth Joe less he's like hey I'm going out to can we work and word and then we'll fucking go on can we pop out on the side of each other that's not not the show. That's a new show. Actually, it kind of is the show. It is the show. That's not the show. You do whatever you want. But what you're doing right now is the show. Yeah, no, I neg. What you...

Clears. The way he says it. Clear. Yeah, so this is the show. What if we did a new show called The Dregs and it's just Lewis Dave an envelope pepper. That's I'm allergic I'm sorry. You're right. I am being negative But I do feel like you just made the executive decision that you were like the lead host Yeah, because I started it. I've always been the guy. That's my thing. You come in and

cause trouble. He comes in, you two get together. And then he sits there and everyone's and then I go, come on guys, you sit there. I throw the zing. The people know. Everybody knows. The people know what I do. We're not changing. This is what it is. You change what it is, then I got to do something. This is what I do. Yeah. This is what I do.

This is my thing. You want to make it something else. It's not going to be that. You want to do that. I don't want to make it something else. I just feel like. You feel like. Next episode, you do the intro.

I would crush the intro. How about we'll all intro right now. We'll see who does the best intro. And then we'll move on. Why can't you be fair? For once in your life, Bobby. For once in your life be fair. One time in your life be fair. We've never seen him be fair ever.

I've never been fair? Not once. Buddy. Do you remember when you made me move you for free and then yelled at me for not doing it good enough? No. You scraped my fucking westbound table. You weren't paying me. Because you were my friend. You pay for what you get. You're my friend. That's how much you pay for. You're my friend and I gave you pizza. That's why you're here. You got pizza. You pay for what you get. I don't know what, dude, you were my friend and then you and Scopo took my west down table and were

dragging it on the fucking pavement and it's wood I mean who doesn't know that you don't drag? Would wait you guys were just dragging they were dragging it Dragging it they would drink they weren't carrying it it the bottom of the day. I couldn't be fair to us. It was crazy heavy Well scope we weren't being paid. Scopo with that ass. Why would you be paid to help your friend? If I had anybody move me, I swear to God, anybody would move me, I would offer them

money. I gave Matt Wayne 300 bucks to move me. I mean easily. He's my closest friend. How much you want? $500 retroactively. Fuck you dude. I put some juice on it.

Yeah, interesting. That's not it. It's 2024 dude. You're not getting $500. By the way, that would have been $200 back then. All you gotta go is go I want $300 2018. Right now we won't even $150 I'll never mention it again right now though on Venmo. $150. Never mention it again. And you can bitch about the dragging of the table every time because it was paid work. He has

a mortgage and a child. It's Christmas time. Alright fine, give me your child. That's crazy. One night with Max. I want a night with your bowl. But I want him back whole. Oh he's gonna come back with a whole. Hello! James can't be involved. No, no, no, not at all. James not gonna be able to look at me once I'm done with this friend. You took away my friend's masculinity. I have two ideas for the first 20 minutes of this show. One, we each do our own intro to see who has the best. That was my idea, but go ahead. Yes. Now give me your idea, Joe. Because you just repeated my idea.

Hey, hey. Like he was his own. I know, I'm yes ending. What? Why don't you take one of those fucking pills? Yeah, you've got your force core energy. I'm in your corner. Yeah, you've got your fucking really wrestling energy right now

I'm completely sober for the first time in maybe five years. Why all right? Denzel at the end of training day. I'm trying to put cases on all of us. We're just fucking sitting here trying to do a podcast. I thought you were going to go to Denzel. I was very excited. I can't do Denzel. You can do Denzel. Alright, second idea, everyone does a Denzel. Everyone does an intro as Denzel. Shit motherfucker! What what? How you been man? I'm Denzel!

This is why. This is why. This is crazy. I am Denzel Washington! You know what really got me? I am from Africa! Shut up! I don't know if they saw you do this show. And then go... God damn that's why we keep you around. Thank you. Joe Pepper.

Denzel. I am like God. No, that's the near fear. Shit. I don't know. I can't do it. You can do a Pesh try it. Pesci Joe Pesci.

Go. Impression. Impression of Denzel. Yeah. I'm putting cases on all of you. That's pretty good I knew I knew it was in you. That was a horrible Now that's not that Jesus Christ, I know what about It's crazy Good if a black guy got mad at that, that's crazy.

They have way bigger fish to fry. They love fried fish. The other thing we have to talk about, we haven't booked a Santa. The show is in four days. Shut up! What are you talking about? Well, you booked a Santa. I said he's going to cancel 100% and he canceled later that day.

I hate your hubris of all these things. It was that thing where like, it really went, we got a Santa. I hate your hubris of all these things. Tell them what hubris means. It really went, we got a Santa. We don't got a Santa. I do love the idea that we each bring our own Santa. I said that we should ask Tim Dillon. I asked him, Dillon, he said, dude, love it, be there, love this, so fun. Then you said don't book Tim because Tim's going to cancel on us, meaning like the day of or the night before the next day he was like oh I'm filming a special that night

I can't do it it wasn't like Tim wasn't pulling a Tim but I said a hundred percent Tim's not doing it all right and he was not doing it we have proof there's nobody who know who's gonna do it Denzel and you ignored all the people that get nobodies no let's bring each bring Why don't we just get nobody's? No, let's bring, each bring our own Santa. We should get a mall Santa. A real Santa? Oh, I just went to Santa today, he was awesome. Call him up.

Fuck, nice hard on. Yeah. No, he was good. Just talk to him. I went to a Santa in the mall and he was fucking quippy. I didn't like it. That's like when a stewardess is quippy. Oh, he's peppered in jokes.

What kind of? We got a pepper guy, Santa. He thinks Joe is. Yeah. Dr. Pepper. What was, uh, What was? Did I fucking love?

He's Dr. Pepper. I love Joe as Dr. Pepper. Yeah. Woo! What was the guy saying? Was he like? I don't remember. It was all fucking quippy bar talk.

Oh. You know what I mean? Like he's drinking. He was just like, Hey, come over here. Present for you, present for me. Yes. I haven't seen my kids in four years. Stupid shit, dude.

Even Max was like annoyed. The weird boys, they had the Santa with the elastic fake beard. Now it's guys with like real beard. It's a job. Yeah, you could do it. Well, I think if you're gonna, Joe, I think in your small town, you-

You just called me fat. No, you're fit Santa. That's in this year. Fit Santas are in, I don't know if you've been seeing the car commercials. A lot of sexy Santas. All all right I'm not gonna I'm not gonna be a negative Nancy cuz you're gonna say I was fat going Bobby a fit Santa that's crazy Santa to say that he's a fit I said I

didn't call him that's a call me a fit star rose yeah I did all right but you know what you're still not fit your I'd say you are I'm a what is this your hey just shared gold goal weight why are you all about justice this episode? Yeah, what is wrong with you? What's going on with you? Just the whole I am the law Call Bobby fat hey, that's his thing. Okay. This is new mean to friends. No, it's not new You might not have to call Bobby fat. I'm the issue. Unfortunately, it's not new. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's very old All right What is the issue? Unfortunately, it's not new. Yeah. Yeah, it's very old All right What do you know?

Have whatever skim milk Horseshit that you guys are gonna just say so he's been calling this podcast without him skim milk for 50 years At least 12 years You know what you're called skim Milk. That is, cause he called us Skim Milk. But by the way, it is one of my favorites. Around that time, he created the Gomites. That's when he took the Rattlesnake. This is like when Michael Scott decided not to do,

that's what she said anymore. It's about a minute before he's baited back in. Yeah, he's like, I gotta say the N-word! No, but I am the king of podcast. I must be released! You're the what? The king of podcasting. Don't you think if you factor in Tuesdays with Stories

and the regs. Oh, you have a, I would probably say you have a, one of the most impressive resumes. I'm like a snake, like a powerful snake. You know what I really love about you? You're not the king of podcasting. But who would be if not me? Like who's the best at like passing the ball off,

getting people good. Oh, almost like a point card? Yeah. And do you have a nickname for black people? Like what do you guys call black people Joe can I be dr. Pepper give me the races that's so great and then he sees from Boston oh you took that like doctor Waldo it's so funny that's all took to get him back in what do you guys I care I care about the fans you got carried in by racism like a smell of a pie carries a cartoon

Or you came back to the podcast Should we get H Foley is he available I'm still pushing can we make it just a surprise for them Let's just because can I tell you why anything? That nobody shows up. Okay. We're gonna talk about it and then we're gonna have figs and then we're all going like okay, this is fucking Disappointing. Okay, so let's just people show up. I think we should all bring on Santa. That's the plan It should be a surprise. Yes, don't bring who you want to bring All right I think this is it and then we all present our Santa's mine's gonna be they give out a gift

The crowd votes for the best Santa and then we fucking beat the shit out of the loser. Okay Down I like that. We beat the shit out of the loser. Okay down. I like that. We beat the shit out of the loser Us or the scene of the Santa. Okay. Yeah, that's Santa. That's fucked up You're right. You're right, baby What happened a little bit of a pinching nerve or something? I don't know man the cramp what they call it a cramp stitch Yeah, little stitch. Mm-hmm. You're working out hard going sober. What made you quit weed? I just want to Level up and fucking you get the bag constantly getting all high and rising grind not feeling my anxiety that I should be feeling

But it's expensive too though. No, how much is weed a week? I don't really pay for weed as much anymore. Like the amount of free weed that I get, I mean like once in a while I'll buy weed, but I'll go on the road and like dispensary show up. That's awesome. You know like one time I had two dispensary show up and they were like competing for like my attention. They were just like giving me like ounces and dabs

and I was like, I just ran out of like so much free weed that I got from Washington DC. It was actually a guy, this guy fucking rules. So this guy came to see me and Big Jay maybe two or three years ago, this kid. Um, and he was like, yeah, dude, he was like, I'm like, uh, I'm like a huge fan. I have like a bunch of dabs for you guys and weed, you know, I'd love to meet you guys. And when he showed up, he ended up being like the biggest cunt, like in the world, this kid was like a huge cunt and he was like, how so just, just like fucking mean to you guys? It's weird to show up to give somebody something

and be a cunt. He was just, he was a, he was a young comic, he was a rapper. Busting your balls and shit. Not even busting balls. Too familiar? Too familiar, being fucking weird. And he's a white rapper? Yeah.

And the owner of the, or the man, Antoine, right? Is that from DC Improv? Yeah. Black guy, really nice guy. Yeah. He made some fucking racist comment to the manager and I was like, that's, I was like, dude, you can't do it, I was like, what are you doing?

I was like, you're like, you're our guest, which one to list, you can't show up and fucking make racist comments to the manager. Did he give you the stuff already? No, so then he sort of had like- That's tough, when they're a dickhead before they've given you the stuff? No, I don't give a shit about getting free shit

from anyone anyway, but then he started talking shit to me and then he said something, he goes, and then I said, I was like, dude, I was like, what the fuck's your problem? He was like, then he started talking shit to me and then he said something. He, he goes, and then I said, I was like, dude, I was like, what the fuck, what's your problem? He was like, then he, I don't know exactly how it got here. He goes, he goes, that's why your son's being raised by some black guy with your friends. It's just something like that. Right. And I just, like, I don't even know what he said. Cause I just heard son black guy and I went, and then I black guy and I went I grabbed him by his Adam's apple like it was a fucking baseball right and I just put him on the floor by his Adam's apple like a dog Wow yeah and then he called the cops really later yeah the cops

Duh duh duh, duh duh duh. He says, doggie, doggie, doggie, doggie. Doggie, doggie, doggie. I knew you were on this ship. He's like, ah. So you grabbed, wait, but like a kung fu? By his Adam's apple. Skrrr! Yes, dude.

And your first mistake was bringing up James. Your second was having a throat. And then you're like, skrrr! Hey, that's my voice. Hoi. You are my retarded brother. Yeah, so I put him on the floor by his throat and then he called the cops.

What was that like? And then the cops came to the comedy club, literally while the show's happening. Did Big Jay do the detective work by taking off one of his gloves? Someone was grabbed by the throat here. No, but the cops were just cool. I was like, he's lying.

I was like, I didn't touch him. He doesn't have his fucking mind. He fell down. He's on drugs right now. Wait, you gave he's lying. I was like, I didn't touch him. He had his fucking mind. He fell down. He's on drugs right now. You gave him a domestic abuse excuse? Yeah. And then he fell down the stairs. He choked a guy and he goes, he was just playing.

We were playing around. He had his fingerprints in his apple. The thumbprint. Her shoe's got no traction. What the fuck do you want from me? She's slay, she's clumsy. That's so funny, you tell him he's clumsy like yeah, so is we legal there or is it yeah It's legal, but he was all fucking he was all like fucked up

He was like obviously like on drugs such until the cops like he's on drugs So I was like, what are we even talking about? He was like, I was like, there's cameras I was literally bluffing. I was like check the cameras if they would have checked the camera They were just you just you were saying everything that people have used against you. Yeah I've been here before. I just say the thing that scared me. But then the kid ended up through the club. His mom called me.

And his mom was like, yo, I swear to God, this is the craziest fucking thing. How old is the kid? 25 maybe. Oh, OK. So his mom calls me. And his mom's like, this kid has got real issues. He's got paranoid schizophrenic.

He was like, the whole family is like such big Legion of Skanks fans. He was like, they were like, please don't talk about this on the podcast. He'll kill himself. They were like, he's been suicidal before. She was like, so I didn't. We never talked about it, never said anything.

And then years have passed, and then he sort of like just sort of DMing me, and he showed up at the DC Improv with like a fucking ounce of weed, and fuck, he made it all right. We just sat outside and was he trying he was fine yeah you know he's like see ya did you see an improvement like is he like way better no no he seems like he's going through some shit but good guy probably

a bunch of weed that's so funny that's all it takes for Lewis not that the guys doing better but that the guy finally came through. He's still got a scar on his neck. It feels like swingers when they point the gun at each other and he comes over the house and he's there. It was like, cool, yeah. Yeah, I was playing NHL. But when you were growing up, didn't you get into fist fights with your best friends? Yeah.

Like everyone, like all my best friends, all throughout elementary school and middle school, we would get into argument, and then eventually we'd go out back and beat the shit out of each other, and then you'd just play video games afterwards. My friend Jason ran into my garage because we had a refrigerator,

like a shitty refrigerator with sodas in it, and he grabbed a soda, and I grabbed him, and he turned around and was like, pop, and then I was like, and then I started choking him against the refrigerator, and my stepdad came out, and he's like, Dan, what are you doing? And I was like, it looked like Homer Simpson

strangling Hart, and then the next day we were playing baseball. It was fun. I was getting a drink. He grabbed a drink. He punched me in the face. But why were you upset? Why'd you grab the drink?

No, no, he, they were right. They're my drinks, didn't you know that, Dan's that kid? No, not at all. We were riding our bikes and he said to our other friend, he goes, let's go steal sodas from Soda's garage fridge. And I was like, and I was like, don't. And then they did the thing where they jumped off the bike in the driveway and ran in and were like grabbing sodas

and doing it in their shirts. You know that, like where you make the. Yeah, the pouch. Yeah, they're trying to fucking gank it, dude. They're trying to steal something. It's such a funny moment, cause like, it's just like, like that moment just got away from everybody in the group.

Quickly. That's all it was, was they were kind of fucking around. Quick. Cause I, by the way, all I did is grab his shoulder and turn him around and he went, bam! And then I was like, well that's nuts. That's what happened to your nose. I went, hey.

And my voice is all high. Hey guys, don't you. What did you just do there? He gave you a career. Yeah, and I'm like, and this is welcome to the race. I did my intro. But he hit me and then I was like fucking choking him. Because I was mad.

And then my stepdad. Colin Quinn punched me in the face on a ride to a college. Really? Like a cross? Like domestic abuse? He fucking left cross me. I was driving and we were laughing playing around and he just punched me in the side of the face.

Oh so it was an accident? No. Wait he was mad? Was that out of anger? No he did it out of fucking just fighting. Just to be funny? Yeah, we fought in Japan. We were to a Marine base and they had...

They had a foam pit where the Marines would train to fight. It was all like ripped up tires. So we went in there and as soon as we got in there, he just attacked me. We started fighting and then I pulled his shirt over his head and twisted his arms up. And then I just stood, I put my knee on his arm and just held him down. I go, do you give?

And he was just laughing. He fucking loved it. It was like weird. I was like, is this a sexual deal? When he socked you when you were driving, did it affect your driving at all? Dude, I just took a sip of coffee. He punched me in the side of the fucking head,

I spit the coffee, and it covered the inside. I had to stick my head out the window to drive. Yeah, like Ace Ventura? Yeah, because I couldn't see. We almost got into a fucking accident. He's howling, laughing, like I've never seen him laugh that hard in his life. Did you punch him back?

No, I was laughing too, it was pretty funny. I thought it was pretty funny. But that's not a real fight, that's just fucking. I mean dude, my friend punched me in the fucking face. I could've went back at him, but I think it was hilarious, but. Pull over. He's like, what are you doing?

When was the last time you got punched in the face? Last week, yeah. You got punched in the face this morning? No, like in a, like somebody punching you. This morning, that's how he gets to work. Why'd you get, who punched you in the face? I boxed. No, not fucking.

God damn, you're a badass. Sport. No, I did it, I got punched in the face by a person who knows how to punch. It's way more badass than whatever, when you got punched by a fucking homeless crackhead on the corner because you fucking were eating the candy bar too loud.

That's pretty crazy. It's not as bad. What is that? Is that a thing that's happening to you? Why did you recall that? Lewis, I don't need candy bars anymore. I don't even know that. Especially loudly when I do it, it's quiet in my room.

But you could be the bad guy in that situation if you go, mmm, this candy bar, this homescout. I'm saying like, when was the last time you got punched for real where somebody just hit you in the face? You know what I mean? I mean, that's- I'm guessing you have the one that's most recent.

Yeah, maybe not. I don't really get into fist fights too often in the streets. Getting a mental warfare. I get into claw their Adam's apple fights. Yeah, you just took a guy down with a Shaolin move. If you come up to me and mention baby James being raised by a black person, I'm going to grab you by the Adam's apple

and put you on the floor. Well, the challenge has been laid I'm gonna show you that that is a quick way to get grabbed by your ass Rags, it's just us three. We go. Who's had a little thing in San Antonio? He goes point-proven I did it He goes, point proven. I did it. That's really like, I mean, it's gotta be in real life. Cause people talk shit online all the time. People wish death upon my son and my family. Like it means nothing. If you're in my face and you talk shit, I'm, I, I'm just, it's just built in me since I was a little

fucking kid to react like a fucking savage. Yeah. I'm not proud of it, but most, because I'm like a big Puerto Rican guy, most people don't ever get there with me. They show up and they go, I just don't want to climb that. No, it's just that, well, if you're, if I'm walking down the street, if we're going to pick me or Joe to pick on, to start talking. I do feel way safer walking down the street with Louis. I go savage too do you red Savage

Fred Savage dr. Pepper 23 flavors, you know, I'm gonna talk to pepper. I'm diet coke I would like to linger on this but we gotta talk about this fucking health care guy getting assassinated The guy's on the lam, he's on the loose. He's the CEO of a billion dollar company. One at a time. Bobby's the only one talking, retired. What is your fucking problem today? I didn't mean to call you retired. Everyone at the same time was fucking talking and then Bobby talking and then you correct me.

You didn't have to correct me. I wasn't wrong. Pepper fuck. You know that's not it. I went to seven years of Pepper school. I went to Pepperdine. You know he put himself in. Pepperdine was a real college. Pepperdine was a real college.

Look at Peppermill College. Peppermill College. There's a Peppermill College that's buying all the merch. I'm going to have a fucking sweatshirt. Peppermill College. We can actually make our own shirt and put it over my girls calm and use go wear regs Peppermill, please be peppermill universe. Sorry. I said retard retards always locked and loaded. It was too far, but you did I said peppermill dickhead

Well, obviously we're not talking about pepper dying we're talking about pepper mill college I love that. I love that Lewis yells at him and they still think they're gonna win the argument. No, we did do that There they corrected it. Just say sorry Basically Google was like Joe's joke is better Anyways, I find him to be prolific. It was a one at a time was CEO CEO of the one of the biggest healthcare companies. Billion dollar company was assassinated this morning. Here. Up the street.

Sixth Avenue. They knew what door he was going in, what time he was gonna be there. He was fucking murdered. They walked up to him, shot him in the head. In the chest. In the leg. In the chest.

Dead. The masked man. What type of, what? Masked man got away. And on a bike and he's on the lamb. Yeah. Yeah. Is that a lamb?

You just gotta find a guy right in the lamb. Sir? Sir? Yes, he has a mask. I like that he did the act out, you did the voice, and he set up the joke. That was a, that was a trifecta there. Tactic.

That was funny. That was funny. He throws me the ball. He throws me the ball. He throws me the ball. He throws me the ball. He throws me the ball of this? That's exciting. Um, is there any video or anything like a picture of his dead body on the ground or something like that? Well, I thought that was funny. They were bullet casings. They just put like cups over it's like soup cups This guy they're also at like oh, this is him right here. This is him killing him. This is the guy killing him.

Yeah. Yeah. Hold on. And he's got a backpack. Hey, actually, you know what? Guys, make it a lot smaller. He's kidding. This is good, Louis.

This is how you find out how to operate them. Let's see. I never seen that. Target is shooting outside of New York. It looks like nighttime. Brian Thompson, the owner of the... Yeah, BT. Yeah, he posted.

That's how I found it. He posted it. That's crazy. It might be... It's so funny. He didn't even jump on an electric bike he just jumped on a regular bike he probably ditched it in the park or something I mean because it just looks like a fucking like a weed dealer on a bike but this is like if this was somebody assassinated this is like a fucking dude from like Russia I mean dude you're talking about but look he's actually he's in shape too he's got that all those clothes on oh he's got to be American I bet he's got a some kind of um what do you call that terminal disease that was what I said on the podcast I just did that it's like John Q shit now I bet like if

someone like someone was terminally ill and they denied the health care and he's like look at that what is United Health Care it there are one of the insurance companies that basically cover health care it's an insurance company he was the CEO of a billion billion dollar good fucking riddance. Fuck off. I read about this as a hero. Hold on. I read about this online. It was the first thing I've seen about a murder, about a murder where people were positive about it. Everybody was like, people under the comments were not like, oh, people are like, this guy's a piece of shit. Like that was overwhelming with the company. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to, I'm not calling for violence, but if they killed every CEO of every insurance company,

the world would be a better place. But there's just seven other guys waiting to get that position now. It's like Hydra cut their head off one. Do you have insurance? Me? Yeah. Yeah. You have health insurance? Obviously.

Who wouldn't have health insurance at 42 years old? I know people who don't have health insurance. Mine's running out soon and I gotta get a new one. Speaking of which, I literally have to call them up. You can use SAG. I have it but I don't. No, you can use your podcast. No way.

Yes. You can put it towards SAG. No fucking. Are you serious? 100%. Dude, are you serious? Yes. Don't do this to me.

It's gotta be on IMDB. I'm so scared. It's gotta be your podcast. It can't be a group thing. You can use this, but you could use your single one. I can use Soder. I don't have a single one. I have a Lewis and Zach show. Yep. Well, just take Zach out of it. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. You go through Zach. That's so big. During the pandemic, they added it so that you can use your podcast. And it still works. You got to put money, all your podcast money kinda goes towards your insurance,

but your insurance is like 300 bucks a month, or 300 bucks every quarter or something like that. Oh my God, Bobby, I'm gonna cum. Yeah, you gotta go through the, you gotta call SAG. My SAG was running up in March. Yeah, my SAG ran up in March. Last year. Seven years ago.

Yeah, that's fine. No, thanks. Damn, dude, but that CEO getting murdered, someone, there's someone that works there that's having a good day, that works at United. Yeah, if I got shot in the head, fucking Paco would be like, yes. That's what I mean.

That's exactly what I mean. There's people that work with that guy. Why'd you stop at Paco? There's guys, there's like a guy that rolled over and looked at his phone. Because I didn't frame those retorts. But he like rolled back over and he's like, fucking Ken got killed. It's crazy, but doesn't it feel like a guy that rolled over and looked at his phone and roamed those retards, but he like rolled back over and he's like, fucking Ken got killed. It's crazy, but doesn't it feel like a bad sign for a society that a hundred

percent of people are like, nice, fuck them. Like I obviously health insurance is crazy and I spend so much money and it's awful and they're fucking douche bags, but yeah, no, it's a bad sign. Like a good spot in society. Everyone's like, I don't think we're, I don't think we're in a good place. Well, I think that here's the reality, right? Well, give me me there's an answer on this. How often do people die in this country? It's like once every six seconds, something like that. Like wherever the number is, somebody's got to die. I want to see where he's going. Somebody's got to die. Right? Why not? CEOs of healthcare companies. Why's it got to be sweet little kids? Like, yeah, there's little

kids that die. I would be 10 out of 10 10 times. I killed the CEO trade that your CEO You've been to an island. I've never heard of yep. You're dead Goodbye, but it's not like it's one helping healthcare and I'm person seconds It's not like it every five saved a kid with cancer. Yeah guy just Replaced him. Yeah, I know but it would be funny if everyone's like everyone gets a free doctor visit It's like what you know Like they do those NBA games where if he makes, if they make all the free throws, you get a free taco at Taco Bell.

They should give everyone free of insurance. That's a great idea. You get everyone in the country, it's like one half court shot. If you hit it, you don't have to pay taxes for that year. Change the fucking world. What a fun way. Oh my God. What a fun way to do it.

Everyone would be like, yo, this is it. Did you get a date? They send you a date where you show up at the garden. You would have to go do all the talk shows, all the podcast. How does it feel? You go, I'm just keeping all my money. I'm just keeping all my fucking money. Everybody would be fucking practicing every day. Everybody would be, Dan, come in. It's dark. Donk. I would get one of those rims at the carnival. The red needle. The red needle gets accurate. I love it. What'd you say Danny?

Once every five seconds. Once every five seconds. How do you know that stat? Because I'm responsible for many of those deaths. You go, cause it's all darkness up here. All I think about is death math. Yeah man. You don't know what's going on in my brains with a Z. No. Ha at your chart. I'm looking at your chart.

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customers only, opt-in required, and casino credits are non-withdurable and expire in 168 hours. Terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos. All right, where were we? Here's what's crazy is that guy's somewhere, like where do you think he is right now right here village right it could be a high wall I tell you guys it's Joe Joe Russell it would be funny if it was like the accountant and Danny was just like a retarded hitman you know you should ever see the account with my father an accountant and he's from Boston. But if Danny was just like that, he's just autistic. Just smashing his shins with a baseball bat at night,

listening to metal. Yeah, and then he just goes and kills the CEO and then he's here, he's like, sorry guys, the cameras don't work after we record a podcast. Hey, it's just Bobby. Every time Lewis yells at him, he just fucking looks over his brow,

trying to fight it back. It just pans away from us being viewed on YouTube, and it's him just fighting one of those wood things in from Kung Fu movies. How much money would it take right now? Because we're all doing well enough, right? Nobody's hard up real, right? We're doing pretty good.

Are you actually going to pitch us killing someone? How much would it cost you to kill a CEO? What's the price? It buys you out. I mean, obviously like, it's gotta be so much that you're like, God, it's- 50 million dollars. 50 million dollars you're like,

all right, give me a gun, I'm gonna go try this. 50 million dollars? But I'm gonna tell you what, you're not definitely getting away with it. You could still get caught. I know. It's not just like you're pulling, pressing a button, this guy's dead.

You're talking about you have to show up outside of a hotel and blast somebody. Blah, blah, blah. I'm interested in what it really cost to hire a hitman. Young black kids in Philly will kill people for like two grand. All right. What? What are you doing?

How do you know that's staff? I've heard. I don't know. Some of my enemies have recently started disappearing. All it cost me is a pair of Jordans and about two grand cash. Is a young white kid in Philly more expensive? Maybe, but I mean. Yeah, I'll do that, but it's five grand. The person you talk to is Keith.

Yeah, you gotta get down here and fucking talk. Keith? You gotta talk to Keith. He's like, I know a young dog. I'll get him for you. Oh, you have it right here? This is Hitman. This is Hitman.

Good job, Danny. I'm glad you Googled this on this computer. Yeah. I don't want to fry mine. It's only $5 grand. A two-week salary for a 16-year-old girl. What does that mean? Good job. You'll get this on this computer Dollars a two-week salary for a 16 year old girl. What does that mean? Hold on the Sonoma cartel will kill people for 35. You can hire a group of snipers for eight hundred thousand dollars In the u.s. In the u.s. That's not bad The United States soldier the average the average house in New Jersey They said a group of snipers is eight hundred thousand dollars

That's for a group of three if you're into the Bobby how much money you're risking going to jail, right? How much money to actually? Assassinate somebody for a Philippine death squad is a hundred and ten bucks suits So no, the cartel's 35 whatever that website was wasn't real I just whoever I just want everyone in the booth that's not real well you know the going rates that's crazy why is that crazy it was just a whole thing was crazy girl how would they have that information crazier that it's more expensive to have lunch at Applebee's yeah I don't believe this you can hire somebody to tell somebody for

$35 and can I get a blackened chicken Caesar salad? I will take the seafood tower. And a death of an enemy. Uh, yeah, but what's the price? You're risking, you're giving up your family, you're risking giving all, you don't know that if it's completely. Do I have to kill just anybody you want me to kill? Or is it like somebody? Does it mean something? It means nothing to you. You're giving an envelope with a name. You don't know the name. You don't know the person You just not a person, you know, this a random person. They just need a fucking fat assassin Real window into Lewis's psyche like you don't care. It's just a person you don't know

Just kill a man. Well, it's Random man, I know but it's just fine that you assume any, all three of us are like, yeah, I don't care about it. All of society's, just make it a criminal, make it a rapist, child rapist. Why? Good guy. I don't want to kill just a guy that goes to work. And then you miss and he goes, why are you doing this? And you go, I honestly don't know.

Random. Louis paid me. Louis J Gomez, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake. I mean, anyone can get caught in a rape. Excuse me. What? Hmm. Did you kill that CEO? He starts completely unwinding. I don't know, it's like hard to ride a bike

when it's fucking cold out. What? I think $50 million is way too much money. Too much? What? You're risking giving up everything. Yeah. It's gotta really be worth it. But now, if I kill him, do I still get the money too much money. Too much. What? You're risking giving up everything. Yeah.

It's gotta really be worth it. But now, if I kill him, do I still get the money and I get to give it to my family and I go away? No. You don't get anything? No, yeah, you get the money no matter what. Oh. Oh, there you go.

And by the way, that's almost like how much, to make sure your son and your wife are fucking set for the rest of their lives. Bobby, can I tell you this thing, and this is like one of those things where someone goes, Genie gives you three wishes and you ask for infinity amount of wishes. You get to $50 million, here's what you do.

You turn around and hire the best defense lawyer that money can do. You're walking away with me. You got a team of Jews. You're doing a fucking fiver and you're walking away. You know what you do? After that 50 million, you take 800,000 and get three snipers from the US

to fucking blast the judge. Doop, doop, doop, name the judge. Doop, doop, doop. Lewis and I. a thousand of it get three snipers in the US to fucking blast the judge. There ain't no judge. Lewis and I. Now you got 49.2 million dollars left. I guess with that buys a shit ton. Why don't I just get 110 and hire a Filipino debt swapper. That's true.

Fucking Paco shows up. I think 30 million would be good. Great. It's been a trick question guys. Obviously Years son of a bitch You said the n-word a lot. You never asked me if I was a cop Replay it like usual suspects. We never asked him. He always caused chaos in the room. I've been an FBI agent for 15 years.

Why'd he boulder us? Working deep undercover with the regs. What about you, Joe? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Are you gonna take the higher ground? Joe, it's not real. I mean, you don't have to give a real answer. It you gonna take the higher ground? It's not real. I mean you have a real answer

But I just you know, I'd rather just work hard Of killing somebody every minute you're gonna think cuz that's what I want to talk about That's what's so interesting about this that this man is on the he's on the run Like right now he's sweat like how does he feel where is he looking around I'm aware of a great bit. I'll tell you right now he's smoking a cool European cigarette and he goes on a camel he goes sometimes oh that's one I don't know what they may cool is different I was thinking camel doctors misdiagnose all the time it's true I'm Mr. Peppermill.

Malpractice. You're assuming that this guy is just some crazy guy. He's not. This is a fucking guy who knows what he's doing. He's drinking a martini and fucking a beautiful old woman. He just landed in Argentina. But it was an inside job because they knew what door he was going in and what time he was going into the place. So somebody inside of the guy's circle gave this person information. Poco, cork board it. We're going to solve this thing by the end of the podcast. By the end, my sleeves are rolled up. I'm smoking a cigarette and I go, where was the, where was the CFO? Where, where, where would we, where would I, where would we kill each other if we're gonna assassinate each other? Where would you do it?

I'd get you in the steam room. Oh, you son of a bitch. I just walk in. You weren't one of the most relaxed. I'd go, hey, Louis. That's it. You wouldn't even hear what I was gonna say. And then Louis is like this, I'm over here.

Son of a bitch. It's Robbie Goodwin. Son of a bitch. I would kill you on the first a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! And then all the interns are going and kick it. Yeah. I'm kidding at the beginning of your set, so I got a standing O. To the end, is that halfway through?

No, the beginning, right? When you start. Standing O? They don't know how bad I am yet. Right. Like halfway through, like, ah. I guess so. I was sort of your nurse on that one.

I helped you out, doctor. Thanks. I didn't even see the doctor. I didn't even see the doctor I didn't even see the doctor the whole time the nurse came in here and just did all the work your nurse sweaty Betty where's the been yeah yeah it's right there this just in you fucking shit I would tell Dan while he walked his dog good one because I know you take long walks the dog Katie I don't want Katie to have to deal with that.

What would you do with the dog though? I shoot the dog. Kill the dog. No! Kill the dog in front of him first. Good luck dude. Way to John Wick. Now you're in big fucking trouble.

You stupid idiot. You killed the dog second. Or else I'm coming after you. Dan goes back to the bonfire studio and breaks up the floor. I go, people keep asking me if I'm back. Jay goes, are you back? Not with you. Oh, not at the radio show.

Killing people. Shit. Can we get more coffee? Woo! Woo! Love it. Love it. Can I get a hot coffee, though?

Hot coffee! I want a hot coffee. Hot coffee coming in. I'll do another tea, but a medium and a donut please. Paco if you end up seeing a guy in a mask riding a lamb, that's the guy we're looking for. Just tackling. Always.

Isn't it fun though? I can't stop thinking about it. He's somewhere. He's in the village. He's in Jersey. He's on a flight. He's gone. He's gone.

You think he's gone? Well why would you be gone? Like so here's the best you hide in plain sight He turned a corner took his fucking mask off dropped in a garbage and then he just went to about his dad's bike down It was it was white. I read fucking ghosts ridded into the park and then just got on the subway Well, he's a thing. He he didn't have gloves on so he might that's a rookie move Or he might have taped his. Or you might have burned him off like Kevin Spacey in Seven. Yeah. What's in the box? What's in the fucking box? I'm

excited. I love a lamb. We love a lamb. Like a lamb. Always. Jesus Christ, Paco. What the fuck are you doing? Death squating you? A latte. Thanks a latte. Thanks buddy. It's good. Donut. Grande. I would say what's a latte with you? And everyone's like what does that mean?

It's like what's the matter? What's the matter with you? But I say what's a latte with you? And it makes no sense. I can tell that you're a registered nurse. Physically angry. Here's a question. How, if you had to kill someone. What piano wire. How would you do it? A gun. Just's a question. How, if you had to kill someone, what piano wire would it, how would you do it?

Done. We're missing the best question. Piano keys up their nose, funk, funk, right into their brain. I would do poison. Oh, that's good. But a poison dart. I think that's how most women murder people. Poisoned.

That's retarded. They do not poison dark people. We were now in the monkeys when I was in that improv group We had a skit called poison dark man. That's fine I like that and dame would we'd all be just talking on stage having a conversation and Then dame would come with a big Mexican hat and come up like Zorro and go Poisoned dark man and then just leave damn. I just want to clear Danny can just speak at will it's true Yeah, you can't well. That's it's just his thing well. He can speak at will he can speak at Joe He can speak at anybody wants really I

Liked it Paco's will yeah, it's funny or if they know pie. I don't even will sorry yeah there we go pickles Well, oh, that's fun. I'll go well. I didn't know well can I just let's come back to that, but I just want to Can I just, let's come back to that, but I just want to be, I don't, I don't, I don't know. What's the question? What's the fucking crazy assassinate? Where do you go to hide? Where is he? I'm totally. Okay. So where then? Then that plain sight. No. So it's actually a really cool restaurant called plain sight. It's on the upper East side. Is there not? Dude, first of all, you already got me with pepper mill university pepper mill college I would you you kill somebody yeah you have an extraction what's that mean means dental you're going to go to some other van or somebody's somewhere you're jumping in

there no getting in a car I think what happens is right let's say those are. Hold on, I think he's right. I think what happens is, right, let's say those are like flesh colored gloves, right? That's why it looked like that, those regular hands. He shoots, you know, puts the gun in there, gets on the bike, around the corner, gloves off, in the backpack, everything, mask into the backpack, gives it to someone that walks by. You did sound effects for every other part of the story,

then you stopped doing the sound effects and it was kind of into it. Oh, okay. So mask comes off, and then he goes other part of the story, then you stopped doing the sound effects and it was kind of into it. Oh, okay. So Max Mass comes off. And he goes, and then he goes, and stuffs the backpack and they walk by, they go, and then they walk one way and then he gets on the subway and it's like,

boom, boom, and he gets on and now he's walking. Oh, I love it, I'm like hard, it's so exciting, we had an assassination in town. Yeah. He's out there, Jerry. It's every day we have an assassination in the Sound Joe. This is nothing new. Not an assassination. An assassination. That's a billionaire that died. This is a professional hit. Was he a billionaire? That's a guy that can afford

and probably has security. We have murders every day. We don't have assassinations. No he had a modest house. He lives in Minnesota, a 1.5 million dollar house. It's modest. And it's 10 million. He makes 10 million a year in Minnesota. That's a 15 million House you can get when you see the house it looks like we should all move to Minnesota and get mansions I I get these things in my algorithm It'll be like this is what 700,000 buys you in Colombia and it is like a drug lords like fucking hole like it's insane Then you have to live in Colombia It doesn't matter go to Costa Rica and you get like a fucking mansion in the jungle for like a hundred and fifty thousand

But even right here like in Texas in Houston Austin's crazy now Sarah's from Houston King King would was a very affluent Suburb for like 450 thousand dollars you get a pool and like four bedrooms central air three bathrooms It's crazy. That's a shithole for that area because everyone else could afford like fucking mansions What are you talking about? I'm saying like it's not fucking like that's not we're all with you. All right, never mind No, we know who are all I don't know what I mean. It's okay, baby Baby take your time. What's up?

Problem. I'm talking like cul-de-sac, fucking nice place for like half a million dollars. We're here, a house is a million dollars. Dude, a 700 foot square apartment in New York City is probably $900,000. Tour kids. Yes. Our building's trying to butt fuck us right now.

Trying to raise your rent? Yeah, and you're like, I have to go talk to someone. You gotta get a house. know I think I got a dip you know it is wild they did nothing last year they didn't raise it a cent and then yeah what's the difference fuck you same numbers who cares nobody cares well they I'm not gonna yeah Lewis is trying to fuck you so hard right now what's that crazy it's so much you make in a year to all the people. It's 20, they're raising it.

Say how much you pay, pay. They're raising it 15%. Ho! Is that a lot? Well 15% on $800 a month isn't that much, Dan. We need some context. That's a lot of money. It's a lot.

They want to, they're gonna charge you like five grand. How much you paying rent? They're gonna up it. I'm not telling you how much I pay. Why? Cause I don't want to. I love when Dan pay rent. Why? Cause I don't want to. I love when Dan stands up for himself. Cause I don't want to.

Cause he totally changed. He goes from silly Dan to, I'm not fucking doing it. Joe, how much you paying rent? His rent went up. They're trying to raise it $1,200 a month. No, that's less than that. They're raising it up.

Well they can reverse engineer the math, Dr. Pepper. Yeah, dipshit. I know, that's the joke. Yeah. So that's why you're a nurse. That's why you clean bedpan. I'm a wet nurse But you're right $5,300 see that was a fucking real-ass dude you you pay $5,300 for an apartment. Yeah Jim steam room in the building It's nothing you can own a fucking house It makes me sick. Jam, steam room in the building. It makes me sick. No steam room. No steam room.

It makes me sick. It's nothing. You could own a fucking house. I know, but I don't want a house. We always have this conversation. People, these house people, not you, are so fucking annoying. The house people are real people.

That say something? Yes. I bought a house. Yes. I was paying what I would, less than I would pay in the city for my apartment that I had. More room, backyard, fucking safety,

family, everything. But we're different people with different needs and wants. But you're in the city. Yes, I like it. As much as you want. And then you go home to a nice house. But here's the thing, then you take the equity out of your home

and you buy another piece of land or a house. And then when you sell that house, you pay off that house, then you own that, and then when you sell that house you pay off that house then you own that and then you have another house getting more equity and then you have that you can get equity in that hearing that half of this hearing even just half of this makes me realize how stupid i am renting an apartment no it's fucking the dumbest thing it's greg fitzsimmons told me when he moved here get take your first chunk and buy a fucking apartment or a house. Own it. I think we're about a year away from that. You should have at least bought your... I got four words for you. Different strokes for that's a number not a word.

Different folks. I have different needs and wants. I do like living in the city but you did your time in the city. We're like you know where I'm like hitting that time where I'm about to leave probably around the same time you left. It's just like that. How long have you been in the city where like you know where I'm like hitting that time where I'm about to leave probably Around the same time you left. It's just like the city 18 years that's incorrect 2007 is so 17 17 when I met you in 2007 you lived in New Jersey That counts as the city okay I lived in Hoboken for seven months, and then I moved to Astoria okay the first hit I got in the business

I bought an apartment. First chunk of cash. There's no way I could have bought it. I took it all and just fucking put it in an apartment. I was paying the same amount for a mortgage than I was for rent. God damn that. And now you own that apartment,

you own your other house that you just moved out of and now you own this, now you have three pieces of property you own, right? I have three pieces of property. I sold my apartment in New York, made money. Not a lot, because if I could have held onto that, I'd have a lot of money. I just couldn't, I didn't have the money to kill.

It's so expensive. But then I got that house and I didn't get crazy, I just bought a nice house and that equity went up. And then, so when I got to, and that's when I bought the tiny house, I bought the tiny house property, bought the tiny house, then I bought another piece of land. So I own three pieces of land, two homes, and I- Alright, Baron.

Well, I'm just saying- You can't call a tiny house a home. You can't say I own a second home. Wherever that costs $25,000. I own the three acres that it's on. Land is even better than owning a house. Because that just sits there and just keeps going on. Wherever there's love, there's a home.

And you can start up the home and drive it somewhere else if you have to. No, but my tiny house, when we put all the stuff in, it's made for a four bedroom house. I love stuffing. You understand? So the plan is to move that the fuck out, make it a guest house up top,

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For how much? How much is the house that I'm gonna buy? Yeah. None of your business. It's different than rent, Dan. How much is the house you're gonna buy? How much is my rent currently? What are you gonna tell me?

How much is my rent currently? $5,000 a month. God damn it, I should gotta move to Jersey. Get out, get out. Pool, saltwater pool, fucking backyard. It fucking it. I should got to move to Jersey. Yeah, get a saltwater pool fucking backyard All the traffic you can handle And I should you know if it take Joe all these people do this It takes you longer to get home at the end of the night on a subway than it takes me to drive home that is a subway

As night the heel is hilarious. I just tried back. I take a car or I sprint screaming. I'm petrified of the subway at night. I didn't I didn't. Yeah well I'm saying like when I used to live in Harlem at the end of the night if I was going from like Eastville to Harlem. When I lived in a story. It's like 45 minutes to an hour. When I lived in a story it took me 15 minutes to go home. It's terrible. But they always skipped a part at night. I'm like yeah but then also we recorded the podcast in the morning and you had your hair on fire going, I can't do it in the morning. It took me nine hours to get here. Yeah, but we never come in in the morning. You, that's not what I did.

Retard. I'm sorry. I was too far. I can use the R word. I liked it. Yeah, but we never come in. We always come in at times that there's no traffic. Sometimes you do.

I want to back up from my house. There's nothing bad. You know what sucks? That assassin did it during morning rush. You know, he fucking. He got his mic shut down. He shit down Sixth Avenue for sure. Someone was like, why is there traffic in assassination?

The tree lighting is tonight too. He did it on a fucking crazy day. It's a nightmare where you're going. And I could take the subway from my house. It's a nightmare where you're doing the bon I could take the subway from my house. It's a nightmare where you're doing the bonfire this time of year is a nightmare. Why? Rockefeller Center is a fuck.

But I park way over on the west side and walk over. Smart. Yeah, I don't park. It's a nightmare over there. Yeah, I know. Go into New York City. It's a nightmare or it's very festive. Or that's how you blend.

Maybe that's what he did. Maybe he killed the guy. He picked the person. And he's up in Rockefeller Center. I love it, I love it. He's an assassin, it's like a blend. Maybe that's what he did. Maybe he killed the guy. He picked him up. And he's up in Rockefeller Center and he's shot. I love it. I love it. There's an assassin. It's like a film.

He's somewhere. I hope he shoots Joe and then Joe goes, I don't like this assassin. I hope you live. Aggressive. I hope you get shot in the leg. Well, I think what's fun about an assassin is it's not like the homeless guy that was running around and stabbing people. Yeah, that's scary.

You're like, that could be me. The assassin's not going to kill us. Yeah. Everyone loves us. Maybe, you never know, Joe. What if it is a crazy person? He's just trigger happy. True. The assassin's not gonna kill us. Yeah, everyone loves us Maybe you never know Joe what if it is a crazy person he's just trigger happy True you look you look like a fucking you know, we be CEO do you have that vibe? He's like a CEO look like a CEO. Yeah, I if I read tipistina shirt They're fucking ripped Doc if he was trying to if he was a crazy person. He would have killed other people

Yeah, he was killing one guy at a specific time, at a specific place. For money. For money. Yeah. If I was gonna kill Bobby, If I was gonna kill Bobby, I would put a potato on the end of the gun

and then he would come toward it. It was like, ooh, potato. And then I'd shoot him right in his mouth. I love potatoes. It is good, but you gotta realize this carb. And it's a root vegetable. It's a whole 30. Oh yeah, you can do it.

I can do a potato. Drops. Can you, Is that a fucking cooked potato? Cook it you can do it. I can do a potato Cook it first boil it. Yeah, I smell boiled potatoes. What is that? That potato floating toward my face right now I showed a pilot and I had a chase Andrew Schultz down the street and I saw they had a cart with the camera on it and they were, so I ran around the corner for the first take, they put a donut on the end of the fucking cart. Very funny.

So I was running. This is leading you. This is the donut bombing. That sucks when the crew knows you're a fat fuck. Did you get the donut? No, I did not. Damn it. I just ordered a donut from Paco.

Paco. That's not his name. I don't like donuts from Starbucks. It's not even a donut. I don't like this topic. Donut donut. Oh, I what I was trying to get. I don't like this. Wait a minute. We got an assassin. Nobody recognized it was a joke. First of all, it was such a good little donut. Donut like this was such a good thing, it went over my head. No, problem.

It was so bad. Danny didn't get it, I didn't get it. But then we got it, I enjoyed it. No, he immediately knew it sucked. You could enjoy something after the fact. Post effect. No, just because you saved it doesn't mean it's not a bomb. He didn't save it. He saved it. He went donut went donut donut I know I'm the kid that's one of my favorite

jokes we'll put in the middle Jon Stewart does it all the time on the Daily Show Bobby listen to Don Stewart Dr. Pepper you've't get mad at me because he had a good one. He bought it for Kamala. Dr. Joe! Dr. Pepper, you bought it for Kamala? No. He donated money to it. I did not. He donated. Take it back.

You can't throw it at him. He's laying down, dude. He's doing the wheel. I like Not High Lewis. I love Not High Lewis. Yeah. I'm okay about it. I love it when he comes to my house.

My house is going to smell like weed. Oh my God, walking in. Are you going to, are you? I'm just going to tie myself up. Are you done with weed? Are you gonna? Are you done? Are you done with weed forever? Yeah, he's very dumb. No done done with weed forever I'm gonna sell smoke and drink on holidays and vacations. You're gonna get fucked up when you do

Yeah, no, I know I've been sober before it's been years This is what it bothers me go back to the house talk real quick. There's a lot of these homeowner people, not you in particular, but you also. You're right, you're right. We should go back to the house talk, the only part of the show that sucked. That people are absolutely gonna fast forward through. People are like, this is awful. You guys are completely out of touch.

Nobody wants to hear about your nice houses. I don't think so. I think people are gonna take sides and talk about, he's right or he's wrong. No, you're right. Yes, you should. It's obvious. I'm taking a side on's wrong. You're right. Yes, you should. It's obvious. I'm taking a side on this segment. You're right.

I'm saying I don't like this segment. What Joe's talking about, he wants to live in New York City. It is actually not a good idea to buy an apartment in New York City. It's not guaranteed that it's gonna go up at all. You might take an L on it. No, no, no. You will not.

New York City real estate always goes up. It's not true. It went way down after 9-11. It went way down during the pandemic. When major one, let me make a point. When major things happen, it goes down and you fucking get fucked on. Major things happen. It goes down. You want to buy a home that you want to like grow into and live over. I understand not buying an apartment in major things

happen. It goes down like a plane going into a fucking building. Yes, but it will always go back up. If you're even the real estate will always go back up in New York City. It always goes up because people keep coming here. People never not stop moving here. It's, it have to come in because. They keep coming, they won't nut.

Donut. Donut. Dude. But my point is when people go, it's a waste of money, you're throwing your money away, but I'm like, they act like I don't have a home. I'm living in a fucking house and your shit breaks. You're thinking about your glass and the thing.

No, so here's where Joe's not wrong. You can buy an apartment and the people, they still take care of it. Joe, Joe, I've made this argument before because I've been renting for a long time. So I've made the argument, here's where you're wrong. You will, it is definitely better. It's not wrong, it's whatever you want to do. No, it's a better financial decision to do that. However, you don't have to, it's not necessarily an investment in buying a home. You're not going to definitely make money.

You're right, if there's a natural disaster, if you have to have insurance or... It's time. If you have time, you will make money. Yes, if you wait 10 years, you're almost guaranteed. Because it goes up and down. But hold on, like I, so there are certain things that I've spent money on that I've invested into my future that make me money, guaranteed way more money than buying a home would make me over the short term. Over the next 90 minutes, will you teach us your secrets? Please. I'm sorry, I didn't know this was turning into one of those videos. We're not gonna do another 90 minutes, are we?

No, if you're investing your money into the stock market instead of buying a home, that's actually probably a better short-term investment. Oh, I do do that. I do that too. Yep, yeah. I do do. Yeah, you have mutual funds and all that shit. Always, dog. do that. I do that too. Yep. Yeah. I do do.

Yeah. You have mutual funds and all that shit. Always. But isn't the whole point to be happy? I'm very happy and content. Buddy, I get it. I loved the city when I lived there, but as soon as I could own the place

that I lived in the city, it was such a better thing for me. So when I did want to move out, I had the money to go and get a really nice house and have all this extra equity in it to fucking do it. That's what I'm saying. You guys are doing great. You guys are all killing it right now. This is the time to fucking do it.

I'm buying you vacation property before I buy you. Where are you? And don't say Jamaica. No. Where? Poconos. Oh, like the sex resort? No, no.

You could have a big champagne. It's a little like a cabin, House of the Woods. I'm buying one in Poconos. Oh, like the sex resort? No, no, no. You could have a big champagne. It's a little like a cabin, House of the Woods. I'm buying one in Poconos. By the lake. What? Poconos, Poconos. I, man, I don't wanna give you that bandana, but I laughed.

You laughed, you spit-taked. I laughed. And Lewis just regular-taked, I mean, soda. That's not how you dribble at all. He literally thinks, I've played basketball with Lewis, and it's worse than that looked Good hello No, did you break him? Yeah, good. Maybe you turned it down turn no and my left ear doesn't work turn down for what?

Lewis king of fucking everything what's your subject? I'm sorry that you bombed, Joe. Damn. I'm not, you know, you bombed sometimes. That's fine. Damn, the doctor's getting a taste of his own medicine. You've been a doctor for 30 years, Joe. Once in a while, you'll lose a patient. Sorry.

They're going to fix your ears because you broke it. I'm losing my patience with you. Joe just killed a patient on the table with that joke. Yeah, and fucked her bones. Whoa, what? Yes, I think I I think I did I pulled it when I fell in something. No, no my left ear doesn't work Joe's solution was to come over and just tap it. Here you go That was my solution for your mother. That's Danny

Came over and tap there Danny. Why did you just graze me? So like why'd you just lightly rub your hand on my same reason? He's got a bunch of pictures of you with the eyes cut out at his house. He loves you. He needs you. Can you hear, Lewis? I can hear it now. And I just heard the word graze and all I can think of is that Bobby grazes. What was said about being, what about grazing? Grazing anatomy, we're talking about.

Yeah, we're talking about the stellar ABC show, Grazing Anatomy. It's been on for 25 fucking seconds. Weird you think that assassin is. I just like that Lewis's fat jokes are actually funny this week. Yeah. But seriously, okay, let's go through. Lewis, you start,

cause I know you like talking the most. You just shot a guy, you just assassinated a guy, you get on the bike, where are you going? Where are you headed? What are you doing? Where are you getting rid of the gun? I'm getting downtown. Getting right out of the city. Where are you going? Where you headed? What are you doing? Where you get rid of the gun? Downtown getting right out of the city. I'm going straight to Jersey on a bike to a cab take me through it They are I just killed the guy. I've been

Fucking CEO piece of shit. You're gonna say that you're gonna come you're gonna give away your voice I think the mask off look at the camera That's digital.com sign right now, get a month for free. Kaka, kaka, kaka. Killer deal. Let's even go before the club. If you're going to plug anything, plug our fucking show on the 11th. Oh yeah, Shane never plugged the show, by the way, on Protect Our Parks. Remember he said he was going to?

He fucked us. He fucked us right in the ass. Yeah. No. I'll do it next time I'm on Rogan. Okay. I'll plug it. All right, let's go before- We're better than you plug the show or show at the Grammysy

The the regs. Oh, okay. There's let's go before the assassination. What are you wearing mustache? What's the mood set the mood? Yeah wig. Yes. I think a wig and I think glasses like sunglasses Mm-hmm, and I like the, like sunglasses, and I like the hoodie he had, he had a hoodie. I like the backpack, it was very nondescript. Yeah. Yeah. It was very plain. It was nice.

Yeah, it was kind of. I would go bigger, I would wear like a full costume. A fat suit. Let's break it down, what do you think's in the backpack? Nothing. More guns, just in case. Oh, you know what, I bet another jacket. Crackers.

There's another outfit. You wanna change the outfit. Maybe a wig. Maybe a wig, mustache, or razor. No mustache, people know. But hold on, so the police have this, right? The police have, obviously, we don't have it because it's not available, but the police have

all of the video of him shooting him, leaving, riding down the block, making a left, it's all on camera. Oh yeah. Like, that's all happening. So they have so much more information right now. He went down. Once you go into the subway, he went down.

As he's going, he's dropping. This is what I'm doing. As soon as I do, I'm getting on my bike, going to the next train stop, taking stuff off, in the barrel, backpack, in the barrel. It's like I'm a big baby. Everyone look at the big baby. I'm gonna take out a violin, I'm just gonna start playing violin.

That's not bad. That's not bad. Just start playing right in the center. Can I tell you, I think the prep for this was once he found out where the hotel was, he probably goes and scouts where there's like blind spots for the cameras in the streets. Oh, he knows where the cameras are. so he knows where he can get the shit done Why didn't he kill him in the blind spot? What I'm saying? No, there's no I kills Well, you don't send the message to the world that it's not okay to be a CEO Getting out of the car right into the hotel. Yeah, so he's getting out of here and going in that is that where he was killed Yeah, if I did I would

And then I would I would bunny hop my bike away Yeah, if I did I would shoot him. Yeah, and then I would bunny hop my bike away. No, I thought he was trailman bunny hopping. I would do a six stall, I would do a six stall, I would bounce on my front pegs. Now, don't call me Dave Meara because I'm not trying to be. But I'm up on a pipe and I'm stalling again and then I hit. Joe you can just fucking sell it a little Joe. And then I'm tail whipping. I'm stuck on this Really did watch the fucking

Jacking off in middle school. Like the X Games should only exist for people competing in the X Games. If you watch it, you suck. They're for eighth grade bullies that smoke cigarettes in the backyard. And then, you know. I watched the X Games when it first came out. It was exciting. It was on the do's. Yeah. AcePant 2. It was always on the AcePant 2. But I read, I thought that they shot him coming out of the building

because I thought they said they knew what door he was coming out of. I thought it was a new door he was going into. That might be right. I think he was going into. Do we be right. I thought he was going into. I thought he was going into. But also, you know when you're waiting for someone outside of a place and you bump into them, and you don't mind being touched,

and they walk up. I hate being touched. I know. Do you hate being touched? Yeah, I don't like it. He doesn't like it at all. Hug him any chance you get. So you know when you're waiting for someone

and they walk up. Kids not gonna have problems. And you go, hey! You wonder if the assassin did that? Where he was like, did you just fart? That was nice. But the assassin's like waiting for him, he's like, he'll be coming through that door.

And then that guy walks up and he goes, ah, shit! That's what would be him. That was so fascinating, the alarm went off, he's like, today's the day, it's exciting, he's gotta stand there, how long does he stand there? Do his feet hurt? Do you think he's shaking? Did he sing in the shower? Was that like was he having fun before? I don't know I was that wasn't that bad. I didn't even get to the singing

Then you could feel Dan's whole body being like, oh no Yes song I did it again. You didn't have a song. I didn't have a song. Singing in the rain. Oh, that's good, but you know what? This is my bomb. Let me just own it. All right. Yeah.

Yeah, I think the alarm goes off and you wake up and you go, I need to do this. You think he had breakfast? Oh, definitely. Like he doesn't even care. Like he's gotta eat, get his protein. Yeah, he's gotta have his energy up. Yeah.

Wow, that's nice. Now, the gun, it looked like it had a, like, was it a silencer on that? Absolutely had a silencer. Had to have a silencer on it. There's nobody opening it. Because, can you see the picture again? If you don't have a silencer in New York City,

you fire a gun, there's cops all over the place. Stan, that's a crazy thing. You think a sound is gonna just bring the cops immediately? No. A gunfire. Everyone watching him shoot the guys, bringing the, there's no difference between the cops getting there if there's a silencer or not.

You don't need a silencer for killing somebody in broad daylight in front of a hotel. It's not a silencer too, that's a fake thing. It's a suppressor. Suppressor. It doesn't silence it, it suppresses it. No shit, Bobby. Well, I just want to end it now.

It's not obviously a soundproof gun. Why are you attacking me? A quiet gun. Why are you attacking me? Why do you gotta get so, why do you gotta get so aggressive about silence? It's a whisperer. Well, I mean, they call it a silencer, but.

They don't. Every, Nope. Look at that. Everyone, everyone, everyone knew what we were talking about. Look at the form. It's a, it's a suppressor.

I think he was coming out of the hotel. It looks like he's taking a foot. Is this at night or is this this morning? I think it was early this morning. Like two, three in the morning. You can tell by his hands that he knows how to shoot a gun. All right, here's AP motherfucking news. United healthcare CEO was shot and killed Wednesday morning

in a brazen targeted attack outside of Manhattan Hotel where the health insurer was holding its investor conference. Police said rattling the city and setting off a massive dragnet hours before the annual Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. This is like a movie! It's so exciting! Brian Thompson. What if he's hiding in the tree? Yeah. Ding dong, ding dong. He's the star. He was 50 years old, shot at 6.45 a.m. as he walked alone to the New York Hilton midtown from a nearby hotel.

I'm a Hilton honors member. Hold on, hold on, hold on. The shooter appeared to be. He was showing up, so the conference was at the Hilton. He was staying at another hotel. He was staying at a better hotel. Right. He's a CEO. But then he was walking alone.

Do you think he has diamond status at that hotel though? The shooter appeared to be lying in wait for several minutes before approaching Thompson from behind and opening fire. New York City Police Commissioner Jessica, we have a female police commissioner. We're never getting to the bottom of this one. She's sad about it. Oh my God. She needs a mental health day. New York City Crime Commissioner Jessica whatever says she'll get to it on Friday. She's not about it. Oh my God. She needs a mental health day. She's bummed out. New York City crime commissioner, Jessica, whatever says she'll get to it on Friday. She's not feeling good.

She said she's bummed out and she needs a her day. She'll just panic because I moved his donut. Many people pass the suspect, but he appeared to wait for his intended target, Tish said, adding that the shooter does not appear to be a random act of violence. He said, don't not do that. But Joe, what did you say that he watched?

Many people walked past, which makes them know it was a targeted attack. Yeah, no, no, for sure it's a targeted attack. Surveillance video reviewed by investigators shows the shooter emerging from behind a parked car. He was just waiting there, stopping and pointing a gun at Thompson's back, holding it with two hands before firing multiple times from several feet away. Suspect continues shooting, interrupted by a brief gun jam. The gun always jams every fucking thing as Thompson stumbles forward and by the way, he fixed the gun. So it jammed and then he fixed it.

I guess so. That's a pro. That's a shooter passing past Thompson and out of frame. Well, anybody who shoots, anybody who shoots guns, you need to be a pro. You need to know what you're doing with guns. if to jam up in a moment Like this a moment like this to unjam a gun you anybody who has any experience Shooting of you know stovepipe. Yeah, it says here from watching the video. It does seem Jelly good he's proficient in the use of firearms as he was able to clear the malfunctions pretty quickly He's good said chief detective Joseph Kenny. Okay, there's a man detecting it. He goes, I'll tell her.

Not only am I a man, I have two man names. I'm Joseph Manly Man. Wow. I'm Dick McPenis. What are you wowing about? I don't know, it's exciting. Joe, I think Joe wants the assassin. Joe would love to be an assassin.

He would shake too much. Yeah, you missed again, Joe. No, he wants the assassin. The assassin's going to be like, man, thank you. A furious manhunt is underway. They're all mad. God damn it. I was supposed to see the Christmas tree tonight.

Rubber on the floor. Rubber, rubber. Wow. Yeah, and he's out here. He's out here, dude. Rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber rubber Shut him the back and leg. It is weird though, he doesn't have gloves. You don't? We don't know that it could be just flesh-colored gloves, but from that image We have no idea if you have no idea dude. In fact, I can't even tell what color his hands were in that. Is he a banana man? He's right. They recovered the cell phone, must have been a burner. Wait, they recovered the cell phone? A Hanna burner. They recovered a cell phone. The assailant fled was being, it was being analyzed. That was, that was left intentionally. The assailant fled was being and it was being analyzed that was that was left intention the assailant fled Yeah, they're in the drop on the phone. I bet they're on a good fun

What if he's just a moron and dropped his phone is like fuck I'm fucked He goes mission come Leaded my fucking phone, dude It was an electric city bike it says and neither video showed the attackers face So he used the city bike then he they know do we is got a dummy account that he's Bobby do you really think he's that dumb yeah use his own city but you know what they can treat city bikes the top assassin in America I was just going along with the thing where he dropped his cell yeah he goes oh dude that's two things yeah oh the

city bike of my cell phone I I'm so fucked, guys. I am dumb. Yeah, I mean, I'm a good shot, but damn it. You're supposed to wear gloves? No. I paid so much attention in unjamming the gun class. That's all I can, I'm hyper-focused on the shooting. All my time went to unjamming the gun.

And by the way, it paid off. Covering your tracks, skip class every week. God damn it, I don't know, I did open mics,'t know I did open mics this is interesting the gunman apparently knew which door mr. Thompson was going to send enter through according to two people familiar with the investigation mr. Thompson had recently received several threats according to one of the people and the police were investigating their source and exact nature but the person noted that health care executives can often receive threats because of the nature of their work this

and they know that they're hurting people. And then people are just like, fucking die. It's like, whatever, brother. Your premiums are still going up. All right, gentlemen, let's take a quick moment and thank VIA for supporting today's show. We love VIA. That's V-I-I-A. This holiday season, you need to unwind and recharge with VIA.

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All that stuff sounded so made up. I smuggled it. They put in fern gully, they put in little bits of abatross. Da da da da da da da da da da da. What kind of crazy shit are you making up? Viya is well renowned for their award winning THC and THC free gummies

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bad so not even fifteen percent off fifteen percent are so bad all of our sponsors have to come in a discrete packet yeah that is true that's the one thing with all that they like don't let the these don't know or should have once again that is a. That's the one thing with all of it. They're like don't let You just don't want to know what we're shipping. All right Once again, that is via go to their website click that link and use the promo code regs with a Z for 15% off All right. Where were we? I have one guy that's like a crazy person on Twitter that I think might kill me. Why?

He shows up. I'd say maybe this is the third time he showed up at a gig. No, no, no, no, no Just something on Twitter. Oh that is you No, no, no, no, no, just on Twitter. Oh, that is, you got a really preference like that. No, random like- I thought you showed up in person and you're like- Like really like obsessively like tweeting at me for like three, four hours straight with like the first time- Oh, you're mentally ill.

It's a mentally ill person, but the first time he had a story about how when me and Big Jay were in the army together- Oh yeah, yeah, I remember that. We sexually assaulted a female cadet. Why'd you do that? I don't know. Wait, is he just giving you the premise of a few good men?

GI Jane. Yeah, GI Jane, that's it, GI Jane. That's so funny, he goes, do you remember when you were in GI Jane, private? Dog, yeah, no, so I'm pretty sure it's the same guy, and then last night he showed up again and now stop saying showed up Yeah, he tweeted at me again It was like obsessively for like four hours in a row and the newest one is he's talking about

Some child I molested I believe you're a bad guy and it believe him But he keeps on like hashtagging like molester. Or he's trying to get you fucking canceled. He's trying to get the shit on you. I think he's literally saying he's gonna kill me. It's like pictures of guns and he's like, I'm gonna come for you. If you went into his crazy... He said he's gonna come for you.

Yeah, he said I'm gonna come for you. He had to report that. I just don't... How do you spell come? I'm just not... See, you have... Because I'm gonna blow all over your back. I'm gonna come all over you, Louis.

That would suck if Louis got murdered by some crazy Twitter guy. I know and then everyone talks like he's a genius. No, not that, it would be because now we're all gonna have to worry too. God, we're gonna think about how bad this podcast is gonna be. Imagine it. It'd be fucking milk.

What about eight years? Just prop up my dead body, hope the best happens. Six, year six of the Louis J. Gomez memorial show where we're booking like people you didn't even meet. Yeah, we'll get to five and then be like, that's enough money for you. Every skank fest, they helicopter in my mummified body. J and Christine are down, they're lowering.

They just make them into a chair and we all sit on it. Hey, come get pictures, it's the Louis photo booth. Hey, it's me, me and Dave take turns doing your voice. What's up, Dave? At this point, you can take all the podcasts. You can have me respond. You don't even really need me. Upload your consciousness. Yeah.

Damn right we don't. Jesus. Okay, retard. I said I'm sorry. It really does turn into a school year. Fuck you. You're dumb. Let's do plugs right quick.

And then we have a lot more show. Do we have a hard out? Yeah, I got a hard Let's do plugs real quick. And then we have a lot more show. Do we have a hard out? Yeah, I got a hard four. You have a hard on? I got a hard out.

Right here. Get out of here. Oh, let me shut it up. Get in touch. By the way, that's all it was, was Bobby's dick was too small for me to feel in the moment. So then he got, whoa, hey, chill. Now he's okay with me touching his dick.

Do it again, what were you saying? Hang on, hang on, let me get it good. Yeah, get in there. I'm gonna like, you gotta get your, you gotta pull it out from its hole. Get it again, what were you saying? Hang on, hang on, let me get it good. Yeah, get in there. You gotta pull it out from the hole. Too much bush fat. Yeah. Turn it up. Fucking Pearl.

Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that, please. Hi, I'm Dan Soder, go to dansoder.com. I will be in Winnipeg at the end of January. Were you playing Rumors? Yes, I will be at Rumors January 28th, 9th and 30th. Am I there the next week? Fuck you, Dan.

You are. They booked you the next week? That's a shitty book. Every fucking time I get booked somewhere, it's the week after Dan Soder sells out. I'm gonna be there the 30th, January 30th, through the first of February. Winnipeg, I'm coming back since last time when you gave me

fucking COVID, remember that guys? And then February 28th, I'm gonna be in San Diego at the Balboa Theater. March 1st, I will be in Los Angeles. Yeah, yeah. Hey, hey, hey. See the comedy show. The first I'll be in Los Angeles and then March 2nd,

I'll be in SanFranciscoDanceOtter.com for tickets. What are you playing in Los Angeles? The Ford Theater. Oh you're doing theater? June 4th I'm gonna be at the Rambo Theater. And then I'll be at the Terminator Plaza. Lewis what do you got? Lewisofskanks.com is the website. Go there right now. Sign up for my mailing list right on the site. I do a bonus solo podcast, the Lewis Journal podcast. You can only get for being in my, my email list. If you want to come see me live, uh, come see the regs December 11th right here in New York city, uh,

dojo of comedy. I'm headlining on December 12th, EMA's theater on December 13th, Creek and cave in Austin, Texas, December 20th through 22nd. And then I have a brand new tour of 2025, the bring five friends tour coming to a city near you. What's up, Joe? You're at the Creek. That's 22nd. Yeah, I'm there.

What do you mean? I'm in town. You're doing the depraved. Yeah. Joe is on the fucking debate. That's great. Joe is on the debate. Now you're on here first.

I want to do a spot that night. I love it. All right. I fucking love it. All right. But if Adam books me, I'll just do the whole shit. No, you can do both. You can walk right over.

I can't. I'm not walking in that neighborhood. You can't chase guys time. Yeah, remember that? You can't do a walking in that neighborhood. I'll just do the no. You do both. You walk right over. I can't. I'm not walking in that neighborhood. Yeah. Remember that you can't do a walking in that neighborhood. I got a walking then Oh, I'm walking in Austin. I'm scared. The homeless, me and Joe list at the creaking cave on the twenty second gonna be a blast. Are you doing the next night? I'll be a very, very popular show. Oh, I'll reach out. Yeah. We would fucking be great together on that show. Dude,

I'm on it. Yeah. What show? I'll reach out. We're not. I think we're not allowed to say it. People. What does it sound like murdering Phil Pony? Phil Phil ponies sounds like a Trump rally. But then brand new tour 2025. A bunch of the dates are up already. I'm putting them all up this week. Zanies, Rosemont in January, North Charleston, South Carolina, Naples, Florida. They just sent me a Montreal, Ottawa. It's all up on lewisaskanks.com. Keep on going, check on the website, check for new cities, new dates check out

Lewis and Zack show story wars Legion of skanks subscribe to gas digital do all that shit What's that? I'll be at my website punch up live go to punch up live comm slash Joe list January 9th the Tom Dustin film Tom Dustin portrait of a comedian is playing at the ballroom crystal ballroom in Somerville. We got to sell that motherfucker out. Boston, everyone come to that and the Wilbur April 19th, little double package deal. Kansas City, January 16th, 17th, 18th. But that Somerville, I know we have a lot of Boston people, a lot of New England people, you're going to want to see this movie. It's the goddamn best documentary ever made.

I heard it's amazing. Thank you. I loved it. I want to see it because I want to do a Skankfest documentary maybe with you, Jeff. I heard it's amazing. Thank you. I love it I want to say cuz I'm gonna do a skank vest documentary. Maybe with you, Joe I know we talked about I know I was we talked about doing but I don't want to do it with anybody that I like I've had offers all the time and I we turn them down every single time, but you're the fucking guy I'll make it I can't wait. I want to make a whole movie about you. Anyways, Sunnyvale, California, January 23rd 24 25 Houston I know we got a lot of Houston people here too. January 31st and February 1st.

Montreal, we just added a show to that one. Nice. And then I'm coming back to Nashville, Smashville. Just kidding about everything I said last time I was there. Oh, I hate Nashville. I like it. And Tempe. And then you and the rest.

I don't wanna give too many. Lots of stuff. The Wilba! Fucking April 19th, dude. I go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. I'm gonna be, of course, the 11th with these fucking lunatics at the Gramercy Theater, tickets still available. Then Beacon, New York, Kansas City, on the 23rd to the 25th

and then Batavia, Illinois, the 31st, and then Levittown. I'm all over the place, Philadelphia. Just go to PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly for all my stuff and go to my new YouTube page, YouTube slash at Robert Kelly Comedy. I'm putting all my stand up up there. Killbox is gonna go up on YouTube. My old special live from the Village Underground

is gonna go up there very soon too. So it's just all my stand up on YouTube is going up there. So go subscribe there please. And that's it. I forgot to mention I'm filming my next hour special in Tampa in July and tickets just went on sale. Even though the owner just got killed. Side splitter stamp. But tickets just went on sale. They're up on my website already. So get those tickets in advance. And when I think July 12th, I got a lot of time. What happened to the owner? I was joking. His name yeah I'm pumped about I'm pumped about doing the part the the special and side splitters fucking rules it's one of the best

comedy clubs in the world I would say comedy connection side splitters dojo comedy on state comedy works in Denver is pretty fucking good. She won't use me for the life of me. She won't use me either. Buddy, I worked there, had a blast. What? And then she would never, and here's the weird part. I've literally asked my agent, like, what's up?

I'll find out. And for maybe eight years. Really? Will never, and I bring it up, and now it's funny. I'm like, hey, you ever talked to Denver? Where do you do Denver? Improv? I did the ComedyWorks.

No, I'm talking about now when you go. I don't go. You don't go to Denver? I don't. You're just, you're out of Denver? I just don't go. I love, the ComedyWorks was fucking great. That's crazy.

But you could probably sell out the Improv. Maybe, I would. I mean, I just like, ComedyWorks was fucking awesome. Great club. The Improv is massive. It's like 600 seats., ComedyWorks is fucking awesome. Great club. The improv is massive. It's like 600 seats. It's crazy. It's crazy.

It's crazy. It's a weird fucking thing. I'd rather do like a rock venue or something. There's the Oriental Theater. Denver is the fucking. Really good. The Oriental Theater, Joe? How can you?

We have you, Bobby. We give you 80% on door. That's pretty good. We order from any restaurant nearby. Guarantee $5500. Oh, that's a good guarantee. Not a bad guarantee. Not really.

That's a pretty good fucking, turning into Colin. That's a pretty good fucking guarantee. Hey, Bobby, we give you Comedy Hotel. So who do you think the assassin is? Right now? I think he's at the Oriental. I think he's jacking off. We hide you.

We don't like in health insurance either. We eat frog in the street. Oh. Do they? Too far? Too far, dude. You bring up the frogs. What a retort.

Am I right, guys? I said I was sorry. And by the time you said one at a time, there was only one person talking. It was aggressive. It was very aggressive. It was super aggressive. Aggro. And I apologize, why are we still lingering?

Because? That's aggressive. Do you have to let it linger? Did you have to? Did you? I love the cranberries, but they really ripped us off because Zombie was like the first single and it's so heavy and rocks. And then they're actually just kind of like gay.

But good gay. I mean they're not. It's like Dreams and L, but like zombies like, dum dum dum, da dum dum dum, zombie, zombie. It's about the Irish people dying. There's an reason that is, because there's Irish people dying, Joe, and the troubles. This is where we really feel the generational difference

between us and Bobby. He has no idea who we're talking about. I know who the cranberry is. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? It's like, dude, I love cranberries. Cranberries, strawberries, blackberries. Added a can, fresh. But when zombie came out, you, dude, I love cranberries, cranberries, strawberries, blackberries.

Out of a can, fresh. But when zombie came out, you weren't like. I don't like cranberries fresh. Yeah, out of a can. I like the can. Can cranberries? Yeah, where you see the ripple on the side of it. I like canned laughter in my specials.

But you weren't excited when the cranberries came out. I love the fucking cranberries, I love that song. I'm right. I'm just not a music guy. I'm not like, you're one of those guys You're like a stats guy Bobby There was a part time in my life where you would have described yourself as a music guy No, never been a music. I love music, but I'm not a like oh that song

They this guy played bass on it. Well, if you're a music guy, you know, I thought that's old man. You're a fucking loser That's crazy. If you're like, I love this musician so much Get a fucking life people that love comedians all your fans No, no, I'm saying no if you make your identity being a fan of another man like your identity I'm a music guy, but you're not a musician, you just love the music of other men, that's some, receive a cigar like Joe! And guess what? You can earn 5% rewards. They have rewards.

Like the little punch cards at Subway, you get 5% rewards. You want it, they got it. Every single cigar out there. And also ones that you probably haven't heard of, if you go to the website, click on the new button, they show you all of their new products that just came in. That's the best part, because you get cigars that I wouldn't even think about. go there to the website click on the new button they show you all of their new product that just came in I mean why does he get cigars that I wouldn't think about discover things and it just shows up and you're like let me try that it's usually amazing

Joe what's your favorite part of small batch cigar the ad reads I would laugh very hard if I found out someone at small batch cigars was going out of the way to not send Joe something it a little funny but they're like the incident just right now go to small batch cigar dot com when you check out use the promo code whatever it is because not on the screen it's rags with the z because why is your back or bad boys also why would be something else hahaha you're really

we're gonna get him cigar yeah, it really throws a monkey rep he really does happy Is this the only page guys that's fun. There's no way because there's no fucking discount on here Yeah guys you got to send us the page with the code and the call to action Yeah, but I don't know the percentage. Stop acting like I'm wrong. Send us the whole fucking ad read. Go right there.

Use code regs for discount code. No, no, no. I understand what you're saying. That's fine. Moving forward, have the actual full ad read on the screen, please. How much do you get off? Thank you.

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use that promo code REGSWITHZ for 10% off plus 5% rewards points. Joe, why don't you use the promo code and get some cigarettes. God, you know, it's right there. It's right in front of you. I'm talking about how worth it it is. Calling gay sex the music of men is very funny. Musical men. Well, it's just. Calling gay guys musical men.

Well, it's just like. They have a couple of musical men. Even with sports as well, it's like, if your identity is, like your profile picture on Twitter is the Red Sox logo and then the header is like a dude hitting a ball and then everything you're posting about as Red Sox, you're a, you're're an actual you're a homosexual you want to shovel back your asshole what if you're on the team if you're on the team you're allowed to do

that that's your identity okay what if you work for the team if you're like PR that's fine if you're a ball boy Puerto Rican Puerto Rico hey I love the red stocking planta no power I like people that are passionate about things yeah look I'm like MMA but I'm not, I know a lot about it, but I'm never gonna, you know, dude, what about this? What about that? Right. I'm just saying for this fellow over here, Lewis, Lewis, it just takes, yeah, some people are really into baseball. What's wrong with that? Be really into baseball. Don't make it your identity. It'd be so funny. Joe's profile pic was a boss at Red Sox logo and then a picture of David Ortiz and he goes,

well I'm not even saying, I'm talking to those people right now, change it. I'm letting you know, don't do that, it's gay. They know, they always bring it up to let other people know that they know more about them. That's the dick move. No, that's the way you're taking it. That's the way you presented it. Bobby you know that you're not a guy. Like I'm not a music guy. I did not say that. You said you're not a music guy. You said that. Bobby you're mad at Joe for something that you said. I'm not. Did you just bark at him? Yeah, literally you said it. You said it. I said I'm not a music guy. Let me rephrase it. He goes you fucking said I had four pieces of property. You fucking said that I owned a tiny house. What I said in my head that Joe said, but the way you say it, you're a generational thing because I don't know music. No, I was talking about the cranberries specifically because we would have been in eighth grade

when that came out and you were already finger fucking it. Well, you probably were finger fucking in eighth grade, but Dan and I were just cool guys. First pussy I finger fucked 10th grade whoa like we're not gonna be you know Bon Jovi as you are you're not gonna be the cranberry that's all I was criticizing you like Bon Jovi I do like Bon Jovi like you like the cranberries but I wasn't like oh fucking a man I but I who's fucking a man about the cranberries who's a man about bond jovi me

for a lot of dickheads from jersey or a man about bond jovi fucking jerk-offs fucking assholes she's just a bunch of dickheads you get what i'm saying though right like i'm not saying don't like things love comedy love mma love sports love music i love all these things right however you love love. It's not my identity.

It can't be your identity. It can't be everything. What is your identity? My identity is me. I'm Luis J. Gomez. I'm unique. There's nobody else like me. There's only one of me in the world.

That's me. Just you going, I'm unique. I am. I was nominated for most individualistic in my high school superlatives. Just nominated? Yep. Second place.

Oh, damn, who won it? John Hickey. Where's he at? The lead singer of my band. Doing some poor shit job at the mall. Just nominated? Yep. Second place. Oh damn, who won it? John Hickey. Where's he? The lead singer of my band. Doing some poor shit job at the mall. Damn. You got mauled.

Second place is always the star. Yeah. I genuinely was the most individualistic. And how would you describe that? There's no way to describe it, Dan, because there's only one of them. There's literally no words. That was actually good.

That was a good pushback. Wang, wang, wang, wang, I'm doing the Cranberries. Wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang, wang Never bomb never bomb never lost or to fucking say never lost. He does kill us. He's a fucking hammer He's a fucking hammer kid Paco Paco bombs Come over here talk about finger fucking his ladies and then immediately turned into Paco bomb I did This girl named Claire I was in the 10th grade. She was in the ninth grade Not only Sarah last name she ended up blocking me and hating me years later during the Daniel Tosh thing like Daniel Tosh got canceled for Saying the rape joke. Yeah, wouldn't be funny if somebody raped this girl right now

And then I was like just ranting on Facebook about it and she's like that's fucking crazy I was like shut up bitch. You want to get raped. She blocked me. Oh, yeah You believe she blocked me for going, shut up bitch, I'll fucking rape you. What a sensitive pussy. That was the first vagina that I touched, but I didn't just touch it, I ate it. The first vagina I touched,

I drew a face on it with a Sharpie. That's fun. Yeah. It's actually. And then her brother beat the shit out of me. As he should, was she asleep? Because her mother couldn't get it off her Vagina that's very her scrubbing her pussy. I'm trying

She's just crying well look like a face cuz it was I was lying sideways And I was like and I just took a sharpie and I drew the Pussy I drew a little smirk. It was smile, and she told her mother. That's crazy. Well. She couldn't get it off She was panicking how old was she we were young young. You still wouldn't bring that to my mother no matter what. Had to be sixth grade. Damn. Yeah. It's 11 years old.

Yeah. That's crazy. I did know people who were finger fucking at my son's age, which is nuts. Yeah. Yeah. Seventh grade was when my friend Chris fingered this girl Ashley.

And we were like, damn, for real? It kind of bummed me out because I was going home to play with my guys I was like going home to play with my guys Going home to play with my action figures and I was like fuck you guys are doing that Smell each other's fingers. Yeah I still thought you fucked in the belly button in seventh grade. That is retarded. You still think that yeah I can't your belly buttons block Yeah, you thought people fucked in the belly button not I didn't realize how under the pussy was and I thought the pussy hole was gonna be essentially

Like right at the Fupa area straight on I thought it was gonna be a hole like a docking hole Yes, I could like walk up to her slowly and fucking I didn't realize I have to flip her upside down and fuck my god and fucking dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo That girl that I the first vagina I ever ate. Uh-huh. She came home from school one day Great thing she like entrusted me with I'm listening She found her father dressed up in her mother's like pantyhose and underwear hot and it was a whole fucking thing for this girl That's yeah. Yeah, yeah, J. Edgar Hoover. All right. What was he doing dancing around? Yeah, Buffalo Bill I'm gonna wear your wife's underwear in the house, wouldn't you be like bananas confident your daughter's not walking home? One other daughter was a half day at school.

He didn't because the dad, dads don't know when there's a half day. That's a mom job. And he was like just a Filipino guy dancing around being like, oh, sexy Tuesday. He was white. No, he was. He was white. She was half Filipino. Mom was Filipino.

Oh, he goes, look at me in my little Asian underwear. It feels very white. Oh, I'm dancing around in my Asian underwear in the house that I built. Oh Jesus Christ! Crystal I didn't see you. Does it wear women's underwear feel exclusively white? No black guys like, jeez, let me put those girl painters on. Are you kidding me? They can't tell. They can't tell that secret if they do. Black guys are gonna be loud about it? Why you guys hate my African? I love my African impression Let me see your panties You go too far dog

Because you are too aggressive I am a cardiologist No you are like, see they say I am not You are not learned Mr. Gomez, I am a cardiologist I was born in Kenya Now that's funny I want to eat your babies. I know dude you get a bone in you. Yeah I'm like a fucking in the woods like cannibal African jungle jungle the forest jungle person. Thank you, Bob

Oh, Jesus Christ. Thank you Bobby. I am a person. That's not what I meant. There's just no part How about by the way, we did it to Dan Soder and I did a show Thanksgiving time with Louis CK. Soder stole the show. You buried CK? It was crazy. Buried CK, guys? He buried everybody.

Tag it, hashtag it, tag Louis. It was awesome, it was this jazz club in Cambridge called the Lily Pad. It was awesome and Joe was doing a show with Sarah and Louis and I was like, hey, I'm gonna be in Massachusetts he's like come on by he was the most I initiated the content you did where did you go I said it on the podcast that I was gonna be a mess right but I made it seem like you were like hey maybe I could be on the road you absolutely invited me thank you Joe

invited me on the show it was great it was the most fun I've ever had the night before Thanksgiving it was awesome what. What? It was incredible. Where did you go on the show? I went second. It was Sarah, me, Joe, Louie. And Tom Fetum. I didn't know anybody. About how we were all on stage.

So Joe goes, Joe, we're like joking around for the show and Joe goes, ah, this is like folk music where they're all on stage together or whatever. And Louie goes, it's a good idea. We'll all be on stage together. And then Joe immediately goes, no, I don't think we should like all be on stage together. There was no backstage, no green room. There's no green room. You know, Louis, he's like a hippie dippy asshole.

You come in from this street, right? You like open the door and there's like a little kitchen area that's like maybe a half a hallway and then it's the stage, like a door to the stage. So you had to hang out outside? No, we would have had to do that or Louis' idea, which was my joking idea, we all literally sat on stage. Real sat on the side of the stage in chairs.

That'd be great to do a joke and just have Louie just. Oh, I had one or two that missed that I noticed that Louie didn't laugh. And I was like, okay, okay. And Louie admittedly had never really watched it. And he was like, this is crazy. And I'm like, yeah, what do you think's going on? Yeah, his intro was, I called it a stepdad intro,

like he didn't know, cause he goes, this guy's on Billions and his name's Dan Soder. Like that, you're like, how are you? It was, but man, it was fun. Sarah has fucking, that joke about the baby monitor is so goddamn funny, I kept thinking about it. Lists, new stuff's incredible

and Louie did a whole new hour. It was awesome. It was the most- You did an hour? Yeah, it was awesome. It and Louis did a whole new hour. It was awesome. It was the most- You did an hour? Yeah, it was awesome. It was like, a contractual hour. My new stuff's okay. I mean, he's trying to be modest, he's an asshole.

Yeah, you actually really complimented him, and Dan's, because Dan's a likable fucking climbing fucking corporate asshole. Fuck you, I'm not a climber, suck my cock! Now he's complimenting everybody that he encountered the entire week. Dan, don't get triggered. Suck, thank you. Dan, don't get triggered. Suck, thank you Alan.

Dan, don't get triggered. Suck my cock. Suck my cock, retard. I won't go to your level. Don't go down. Thank you Alan. Go up. Alan, I choose violence.

Psh. It's not your way. Dan got really mad. I was like, you fucking cunt. Dan goes quick. Yeah, I do dude. By the way, I did not think, if you were to go back to early you know what dudes, and be like, Dan's defensive, I'd be like, I do, dude. By the way, I did not think, if you were to go back to early you know what dudes,

and be like, Dan's defensive, I'd be like, I'm not defensive. And then now I'm like, it is a problem. Yeah, you get very defensive. Very defensive. No, Dan, so you're very happy-go-lucky and sweet and kind and then, but if something fucking, you'll just,

I'm like, Dan, do you wanna fight? Are you trying to fight me right now? What the fuck is his attitude? I can fucking rob him. He goes in like to, really like aggressive, like he'll step to you like this, he turns his head sideways, you're like, Damn, we're trying to figure out a schedule for the podcast. Yeah, I don't know dude, it's a problem. So did Louis have a hard time following him?

No, well I went in between, but... Did you have a hard time following him? I would say I had, I mean I'm doing brand new, which I kept which I kept saying to Dan is like don't fuck me here And don't you fuck me fucked you but he's like I'm doing new too, but his news like fucking this isn't on a special I wrote it on the car. Yeah Yeah, I mean that's not new not I thought that's the definition of no no special. Yeah, no he fucking I'm not doing like I didn't do my closer or anything, but it was like it was one of those ones we were movies watching you got a murder No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was like, ooh, this is not going great. And then he slowly like fucking destroyed, obviously. But they were also, it was very Cambridge. Like when Louie brought out, or Sarah, the guy in the front was like unironically like. Snapping? Yeah, like Cambridge.

They're funny. Maybe he was trying to get a drink from the waiter, that's what I do. This drink, this guy, Joe had a reaction during a joke. Joe finishes his joke and this guy in the audience goes, hey now, like that, the start thing. Joe just so honestly goes, oh fucking gross. Like that.

And then right into the joke, it wasn't even a joke, he went like, oh, like the guy shit himself. He was like fucking disgusting. How many seat is it? 70? 70 seats. That's great. It was fucking really cool.

And he was there and. Yeah, it was awesome. And Louie's got like, Louie's got three new bits that are like so classical Louie that I was laughing to the point where I was like, I just kept thinking like, this is so awesome. I'm just seeing him back doing standup. Just to put feet away from that, that barely legal bit is so fucking funny.

Some killer killer stuff. Yeah, but and also Joe's being modest he's got like two new jokes that you would think are like old jokes yeah I got some good jokes but you fucking stole the show it was crazy I was like blown away thank you I showed my son uh then cook vicious circle last night oh shit you love it yeah it holds up also you guys show the Comedy Central presents. Dan Cooke was fucking a monster. But I will say, I will say it does hold up. It is funny and he's cracking up.

Like James is fucking loving it. But even James pointed out, he goes, he's like, Why does he move around so much? Well, he did do it in the round in front of 20,000. Well, he also did that in a fucking club with 30 people. He would do back flips and shit. That's true. He did that at Boston. At Boston, he used to take his clothes off and tuck his dick back.

Jesus. And do a Silence of the Lamb thing in front of six people. I mean, the Act Dots, if you remember, when somebody had groceries, they just took him off the street, and they had groceries, and he's sitting up there tucking his shit back, and it was like, dude, not now. I mean, he did Act Dots where it's like,

he mentioned taking a nap, and then he's on the floor doing this, and he's like, whoa, not now. I mean, he did like act outs where it's like, he like mentioned like taking a nap and then he's on the floor doing this. He's like, whoa, he's back up. They're like, whoa. Yeah, dude, the Comedy Central presents is he is so over the place that like, you could see his sweat all over the stage and his like shirt off.

The Comedy Central have a half hour is amazing. I was a huge, huge, Dane Cook guy and Bobby Kelly. Voters of both of you in my first notebook. I was, I mean, Dane, that's what I understand doing all that shit when people say he wasn't funny. It's like, you're being stupid. No, Dane was a fucking absolute killer, but it's also like when you watch that special, like, the problem with it is you almost, he became too popular because like, I'm talking about like he comes out and he's like, hey what's going on? And it was like, yeah.

There's people like fucking losing their minds in this special to a level where you're like, it almost is like distracting as a comedian. I'm like, dude, fucking calm down. I'm getting there now. Like you hear people like in the middle of a joke, you heard this in like, anytime somebody has like a garden fucking type thing, you just hear like somebody scream

at the top of their lungs, look, I love you, dad! In the middle of a setup of a joke and he just ignores it like nothing's happening. Dude, go watch Richard Pryor live in concert from 1978. He is being yelled at the entire special. Any moment that there's a down moment in his talking, you can hear people screaming and he's just like in this act.

Well, people are walking in. Yeah, he does the thing. He takes the picture. They're walking? They're walking. I'm walking in the Richard Dyer show. I want to kill myself. But Dane, as a huge, I was the biggest.

You want to take a break? I do walk in too, so if you need a break, thank you, thank you so much. I'll throw it at you next time. As the biggest Dane fan, the Vicious Circle was the one where I was like, everyone knows about my favorite band. Got to lose me a little bit.

Yeah. Like he does one joke in there, and again, I think he's like one of my favorite comics ever still but he does one joke in there with the B line. Oh yeah. Why do they call it an eye line? Or no, why do they call it a B line? They should call it an eye line right and then he does the thing where he jumps and he's like that's a lowercase i but if it was a capital i line and then he acts out. A B should be this and it cuts to an overhead camera that I feel like they put in there just for the beeline joke. Do you think he had a beeline cam installed?

I do remember thinking like, He 100% had a beeline camera installed. There's no overhead camera for any special. Stop, you were very close to him at the time. This circle was Boston? That was the garden. Yeah, I actually opened for him on that. Oh, is that right?

Did he put in the beeline cam for the beeline joke? I'm gonna be honest on that. Oh, is that right? Did you did he put in the B cam for the beeline? I'm gonna be honest with you. I Don't know. Okay, but I would imagine 100% Yeah, I would imagine 100% for that. Why would you have a camera pointing directly down at this cage? Nobody does that you have to buy the camera Finger on it too though. Yeah, no, they did have that camera because the stage was superfin. Yeah So that shot was like a plan. So maybe it was like a yeah Maybe it was like a little oh oh we can do the B-line shot.

I wonder in a club where people are like, what the fuck is he doing? You can't see the B? Well once he starts walking you know what the bit is. Once he's like, it should be this. You're like, oh I see what he's doing. But his first album, Harmful As Walled, is like one of my favorite. That Superman joke, the car crash joke, the coming home late. I've got to listen to the whole album. I've only heard clips and bits from it.

The floor telling on you bit. It was fucking awesome. James is way in. James loves stand up comedy. That's awesome. Loves Gaffigan. Fuck, that's great. Loves Gaffigan.

He's his favorite. Dude, I saw Dane at the Patrice benefit. The first or second Patrice benefit, I bought a ticket for it and I watched it. And it was like, Big J, you, fucking Norton Voss, and all these guys that were murdering and then Dane went up And I did have that like kind of shitty energy Yeah, I was like fucking Dane cook he got me three times in that set where I was like this motherfucker's funny

Yeah, there's you can't like a breathing thing where he's like you ever see when your body forgets to know how to breathe and you're like That's on vicious circle, that's a funny one. Oh, that's on breathe and you're like that was that that's on vicious circle that's a funny one oh that's on that's what he created a he created a genre of comedy yeah I mean a lot of a lot of guys copied him when I met him he would always call it an ADI another day impression yeah you know you're seeing that a lot with now Shane yeah a lot of guys are doing double mic grabs in the hands everybody has their arm behind their well that's Nate a lot of people don't know that my arm behind my back is that doing's Nate. A lot of people don't know that. I got my arm behind my back, is that doing somebody?

Like this, like this. That's like a Shane and Nate both do that. I don't think that's a Nate or a Shane. I don't watch either of those guys. I call it the Admiral. Shane stands like a fucking general. No, no, no, no, I'm not 100% stealing my arm behind my back from Nate Bargazzi

since I haven't watched Nate Bargazzi in two decades. Why did you steal it from Shane? Do you do your whole set like this? No, if I'm working, you percent stealing my arm behind my back from Nate Bargatze I haven't watched Nate Bargatze in two decades Oh yeah, you stole it from Shane Jesus Christ Do you do your whole set like this? No, if I work, you know what it is? I started getting self-conscious You'll know it when you see it If I put my hand in my pocket, it's because I'm nervous Yeah

If you ever see my hand in my pocket on stage, it's because I'm nervous So then in my head, I was like, dude don't put your hand in your pocket So then I put it behind my back to not put it in my pocket Because in my head, if I'm nervous, I'm a bitch It's all in my own head, nobody notices any of. If I'm doing this I'm not doing great. If I ever do this. If I'm self soothing and I touch my face. But I'll just I'll say this I did comedy for 20 years and no comic ever on any special on stage had one arm behind their back exactly like this. Yeah.

Well they used to do that. When we went to New York they had leaners like a lot of comics. David Tell. David Tell. When I was coming up I was doing the Bill Burr thing where I would like hold the thing and like rock it. That's like a shifter. Yeah shifter and then Nate called that out one night when I got off stage he goes, you're

doing a lot of Bill Burr leaning. When I was coming I was doing a lot of like the Chris D'Alea thing where I was fucking underage girls. Yeah. God. Starting a cult. Did he fuck underage girls. Yeah, I'm starting a cult Did he fuck underage girls? I think so. I don't know you fucking talking to him. Oh, he definitely did fucking kidding me He's definitely I don't know if you'd say definitely he allegedly No, it is a well no, I've heard shit through the grapevine I've heard shit where it's like no no this guy's actually a fucking like legit has a real problem

Real sex paying girls off real fucking like 36 like it's so many lawsuits that literally He's just touring and doing theater so we can just fucking pay everybody off. Oh, that's what his whole fucking thing is So hey, I don't know Chris. I never met the guy. I don't know me that I maybe it's all hearsay But I've heard from people that are in the fucking know that he's actually a fucking What is that nuts nothing I love when you're a real-ass dude, how's it nuts? I think this is all common knowledge Is it that's not is it saying that you're talking to people that are in the know? I know people that know the grapevine. Yeah, you talking about the grapevine. We ain't talking about YouTube. Maybe it's a game of telephone He was dating women that were fine.

He didn't have sex with any of those girls. He was mentoring them. Yeah, maybe. You see, Dane's got a new special too. Well, he, from his house. He put it on Netflix. It was old. Yeah, now it's on YouTube.

Oh. I was like, why are you doing a special from your house now that's weird Kevin Hart did it too Yeah, I know but are you doing a special from your house is just weird. Well, it's weird outside the it feels like he's going like Look guys, I swear to God. I'm so successful I'm doing fine Does have a fight. It's a fucking great house killer house. This house is sick. Yeah, it's like on a cliff You think you rents it Joe? I know how much it is.

How much, how much? 4.5 in a month. How much you paid? How much did you pay? It was seven. Seven million? Yeah. Fucking crazy.

But think about the money. It probably works more now. We did 80 arenas around the country, 15 to 20,000 a pop. Fuck. And there were what, 75 to 250 dollars a ticket. Yeah so you made plus and then you heard your knee pop. I would take my little fucking my little CD and go to his merch booth after and he had six merch booths

and I would just find one and sell my stupid. Would people be blown away would they be like fucking hey Robert Kelly. No. You just had a random merch booth. Yeah I was just a random merch booth. Was it worth it? Did you make enough money on merch that you were like to stand there and sell it yourself was worth it Yeah, I made a lot of cash. Yeah, but here's the thing he They would give us his his manager would get tickets VIP tickets and go out and do the old Oh, you told us that anything I would go out and give it to just crippled kids. It's so funny Like moms and kids little. You could see the definite where I gave tickets out and where the manager gave tickets out. Just low-rise jeans, a bunch of girls look like

terry-ree and then it's like fucking a sick kid. Just a little girl crying because she's gonna meet Gainesville. I love your beeline joke! I'm from Brookline so it means more. I heard you came from Brookline. The whole thing about him being gay too is ridiculous. Well, they do that with everybody. Yeah, I know, but that kid got chicks. Yeah, he's probably cheersin' ladies like Vin Diesel, Triple X movement. Woof.

Yeah, dude, that's... Woof. Yeah, obviously. Jessica Simpson, like, in her prime. Yeah, he's fuckin'... Jessica Simpson, like in her prime. Yeah, he's fucking. Yeah, Jessica Simpson, Jessica. Alba. Didn't know.

I don't know, did he? Good luck, Chuck, he did the movie with her, right? Yeah. But she might have been married by then. No, lead singer of The Pussycat. Oh really? Nicole Scherzer. She's smoking.

Yeah, damn dude. Yeah. All right guys. I got to go. Let's keep on listening all the hot women that Dane Cook has fucked. I know. Yeah, damn dude. Yeah. All right guys I'm listing all the hot women that Dean cook is fine. Oh, I go Ashley Abercrombie this is the fuck a view into the tour bus with Bobby and Gary Gary let's go over them Gary. You're good with stats hit me with the numbers. I got a pollock from Boston That's so funny. I'll fuck you. Oh, we got a we got to start to put a bow on this baby

What is this? That was a subtle thing cuz no one's coming in. I don't know You would if you worked here I did I stopped putting in a Vail's nice because they stopped booking Remember you were hosting the night I missed the show. I was in the steam room in Astoria. No. And you texted me and you're like, where you at, dude? You close? And I was literally naked in a towel in Astoria.

Sucking a guy. Yeah. He's like, come on, come on. What? Well, it's kind of late when you're like, I can't even like, oh, yeah. Like I'm just, I'm naked 45 minutes away. You're like, I don't know. I thought it was fucking 15 minutes away. Astoria? Astoria. My new house is 15

minutes away. You would have made it if it was the new house. That's right. Yeah, you could have been there. Well, you don't have a steam room there though. I have one at the gym which is right across the street. Don't ever go to the steam room in a fucking gym. Why? I go in every day. I go in the steam room literally every day in the gym. Me too. I thought that that's where all just guys suck each other off. Yeah, that's why I go That's just a Republican talking point man. No, they do suck each other off regularly So when I worked at equinox the regs early craigslist casual encounters, we literally used to flag the posts They'd be like meet us at the equinox 19th Street 8 15 p.m. I'm ready to suck you off

And it would just be like literally like the manager comes like yeah Dude, they're they're planning a meetup tonight. God damn it. I'm gonna shut down the steam room because gay meetups were being Gay guys are such studio musicians. They had it like where you want to come in and jam What do you got fucking 845 pull it out? Let's fucking start playing Drummer yeah women are like, you gotta join a band with them. That's a bet. That's a bet, baby. They had a, that was the steam room at my building because guys just kept going down there

and sucking each other off. Sorry, Bobby, we had to close it down. They're sucking too much dick down there. Yeah, I got in trouble multiple times for shutting down gay advances. I didn't get in trouble, but like I'm making a thing where gay guys, they open their towels toward you. What they do is they'll look at you and this is the move. They just open their legs and their dick is semi-hard and it's hanging down.

And I go, oh, why are you doing that? If you call them out on it, they're like, what? And you're like, obviously you're doing the thing where you're showing me your hard talk, you want me to suck it, dude. Admit it. That's so funny to do that to him and he goes, Jesus Christ, all right. He's like offended by Louis. He's like offended by Lewis. He's like, okay, never mind, Jesus, fucking the police over here. He does this to another guy and he goes, okay, thank you. It feels very like invasive. Like you realize like

catcalling women I thought was like funny. Like if a girl's walking down the street, to be funny I would catcall women. We used to do it in front of the cellar. We used to create a tunnel. There'd be like eight comics. Oh, that's not a horrific role for a woman to run through. This was literally right outside of the cellar a decade ago. It'd be like me, Big J, Kurt, Derose. There was like all these fucking people and we'd create like a tunnel. There'd be like five or four people on each side. A rape tunnel? Would you guys hold your hands over?

And then a hot girl would walk through us and be like, mm, yeah, girl. Mm, we'd all do it. Like, it was just to be funny. But I think about it, like, how many times, like, an actual sexual assault victim walked through and she had to run home crying. She's just taking a shower in her clothes. She's like, they fucking went and stole!

Just a bunch of fives. And it's J being like, nice tits. Yeah, dude. You guys do look like a group, though, that would chase her home. But then I was like, after being propositioned in the steam room so many times, I started to literally be like,

oh, that's not right for us to do to women. That's good. Oh, you learned your lesson. And that's the regs. All right, happy new year. We're gonna wrap it. Merry Christmas to everyone out there. Make sure you get your tickets.

Grammar seat. Grammar seat. What is this coming out? There's only, there's 20 tickets left for the floor. Happy New Year! We're gonna wrap it! Merry Christmas to everyone out there! Make sure you get your tickets! Gramercy! Gramercy! What is this coming out? There's only, there's only, there's 20 tickets left for the floor, so if you guys want to be on the floor, get them fucking right now! Wait, this comes out today? Right? Yeah.

Tonight? Yeah, wow. Oh shit. No, next Wednesday. Next Wednesday. Oh, so this is gonna come out? Next Wednesday. While it's happening.

Yeah, and then, so we'll see you at the regs tonight. Uh, Gramercy Theater. But then this is, and then the regs will come out two weeks later. Do you want me to put it out a day early? No, let's just put it out next Wednesday. Put it out a day early. We love you guys.

We'll see you guys next time on The Regs. Hey!