Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Egg Mouth | The Regz w/ Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Luis J. Gomez and Joe List Ep #58

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

Robert Kelly, Luis J. Gomez, Joe List, and Dan Soder discuss Bobby starting podcasting craze, who would be the leader on an island, getting heckled with bad nicknames, road gig stories, Aspersion Caster’s March Madness podcast bracket, Joe moving to Austin, who would be cast in Luis’ biopic, vacation trips, when smoking cigarettes was cool, hot chicks in ads, and more! Presented by YKWD and GaS Digital.  LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-regz/id1700969607 SOCIALS Robert Kelly @ykwdpodcast https://robertkellylive.com/ https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ Luis J. Gomez https://luisofskanks.com/ https://www.instagram.com/gomezcomedy/ https://twitter.com/luisjgomez Joe List https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ Dan Soder https://www.dansoder.com/  https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/  SPONSORS  GLDNew customers get 50% off with code REGZ at http://GLD.com  RoSparks https://www.ro.co/regz for $15 off your first order BodyBrain Coffee Use code REGZ20 to get 20% off https://www.BodyBrainCoffee.com/ MASA ChipsGet 25% off your first order of MASA Chips with code REGZ @ https://MASACHIPS.com/REGZ QuinceFor free shipping on your order & 365-day returns go to https://www.Quince.com/REGZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fill her up. Tony, I've had this for a while. Ooh, that's nice. It's fly. I just want to thank Rolex for my new watch. Oh, I forgot my watch today. Oh, you can't forget you watch. You know what?

You know what? You're late. L.L. Bean is best. Are we ready to go? Yes. Are we ready to go? Are we ready to go? Come on, boys.

What's up, everybody? We're back. It's the regs. Joe List, Dan Soda. Louis J. Gomez and me, Bobby K. Put up. Put up. Robert.

We're here. Robert. What's up, boys? The O.G. By the way, Bobby Kelly, the fucking godfather of comedy podcasting in New York City. Can we just give Bobby a little bit of credit? Didn't we come up with the nickname last week or two weeks ago?

Fag it? No, what was it? That's my original demonetized. I mean, out of the gate we get demoniac. No, that's not true. We bleep it out for YouTube and it goes uncensored on gas do you. Ah, I hear that you want to the F word go to gas news right now, type him regs. Yeah. Bobby is the original. OG.G. Baby. No, he really is. Bobby. I remember Bobby like...

What am I making fun of them? I'm yes anding you. He gave me all my podcasting equipment initially, like 15 years ago. Which these things wouldn't have existed without Bobby Kelly coming in and fucking... He handed you the equipment. He goes, this is so you annoy me the rest of my life. I apologize to everybody that I'm letting you loose on. But it was just a bag of wires that were...

I had literally untravel all these... It was all of his old shitty podcasts. You know where I got it from? Where? Todd Lynn. Todd Lynn. Shout out. He had one arm.

He could never get it done. He gave up. Shout out. Dole arm Todd Lynn. He went, I can't press play. Then white devils. White Devils gave me one that I can't even read. I bought it off Tomlin for $250.

Then he just handed it to me. I gave it to you. Back in the day, 250 was a lot. And one of the things that Bobby said to me, because he's had Ryecast, he was like, he was like, you can't make it too easy for people to podcast. He said, he ended up a lot of foresight before podcasting. He was like, it's going to be a bunch of shit. He was like, people have to want to do it.

So he was like, figure it out. He was like, unravel these wires, figure that he was like, I'm not going to teach yet to use the fucking equipment. Damn. He's like, You can podcast with a man, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to podcast.

He'll have a whole festival that you'll have to do every year. For one third of your road rate. Taking a significant financial hit. I try to inch that up every year about like a hundred bucks. Way lower than the third. I go,

give me chicken tenders. By the way, my money didn't go up, doggy. Every year, you're like, the money goes up every year. You got to ask.

You can't ask. He can't. I'm up. You come a guy? You got a guy. You got to ask Christine. You got to go, Christine. Lewis said to get more money.

They go, all right. Yeah, they never checked. Also, Mark is out on the roast. No, he's keeping his mothership weekend? No, he's going to do Saturday Sunday, but the roast is Friday, right? Yeah, why is he? So why can he be their Friday? No.

Do the roast Saturday. That's crazy. Just schedule the roast on Saturday. We can schedule the roast Saturday, technically. It's kind of annoying that way. Let's do it like... Friday, it's like a good... Yeah, it's a good opener.

It's a great opener. It's an immersive. And you have to worry about it. the rest of the weekend. Yeah, but you get people to stay if they're coming Friday, now they're going to stay going to Friday and then it's going to be sold out. Will AI be advanced enough and will Boston Dynamics have a

guy where maybe we just do an AI Norman for the roast on Friday? Oh, that'd be fun. You know what I did one time? Dog legs. He's like, weik! Veeke! You know what? Have you not seen Jeremiah do this? You know what I did? He does AI Mark Norman. Really? Pretty great. Danny. I, one time, my first live

podcast for YKW at the Gotham, Rich was supposed to do it with Bonnie. Couldn't do it. took a gig. I had Mike, what the fuck? One of the, Mike gave up your first live podcast for a fire hole, that's insane. And I had what's his name, Dubono. Oh yeah, Bob Dubono. I had him do Vos. I remember that.

And I had him do a set as Voss, because we all did stand up, and he killed it as Voss. I still have that poster. I have that poster. It was a better Vos. Yeah. Bob Vona did a great Vos. DeBono's Vos is pitch perfect. Bono's Vos is better than both Dubono and Vos. I would rather

hang out with DeBono's Vos than either one those guys. It's shockingly good. It's so good. It was a great Trump, too. He makes a living doing it. Yeah. Yeah, that was when we did. So have somebody. Just be, uh, Mark. Why? Now, people are going to want Mark. Mark is, and I mean this, a multi-millionaire 10 times over. Why does he need to take the case? He doesn't touch any of it. I bet if you call him. Right now. Guilt him. Yeah, you do it. You, do it.

You're not on the show. Your Latino fire can melt his, his, his steel. But this is your friend. I don't understand. He didn't even go to his fucking wedding. So I'm not going to be. He just told me. He said, yeah, I got a gig Friday. What is the gig? You didn't ask him? I didn't ask him the gig.

I'm sure he pays $100 grand or something like that. He's doing very well. Hey, I get adrenicrome. Yeah, but he doesn't need it. The fear of babies. I know. You cross the middle. You cross the threshold.

Everybody needs a hundred grand. Under grand. I'll fistfight my mom right now. Everybody needs a hundred grand, dude. Wrap my hands. I'll dip them in glue in glass. You give me $100,000. I won't do comedy for the rest of the year.

Doggy. It's not... I bet if you call him. No. It's not... Wow. No, if you call him, he'll say, okay, you got me, I'll do it.

And then he'll call Friday morning and be like, oh, I'm stuck in to him. I'm going to go for Persia. I can tell you, that's what happened. Hey, I'm performing for the king of Iran. Right. Well, he's dead, but I met his funeral. Hey.

I mean, I think we could all... I'm telling you. What's that? We can all do, Norman. We can all go up and be Mark Norman. Yeah. No, but that's... A moment of Norman.

A moment of Norman. You don't think James asked if he could do you. Roast. He was like, can I send it another video? Let's get Chains on. He fucking... He killed it. He killed it, dude. He fucking loved it. James did your roast? Yeah, he sent the video. Remember the video before? And he goes, this is for my dad. Hold on somebody put it on

YouTube. It was fucking adorable. Here he is where he's going to be that. Where he's going to be? Yeah, he's getting in Austin. Yeah, he's not making that much. And also, he's there the 13th and 14th. So he's supposed to be at the mothership. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. But why is he doing Cap City on Thursday? And then the mothership Friday, Saturday.

Because he's making that money. But if he's not doing Saturday. That's weird that he's doing a competing club in the same city. He's saying he's not coming all weekend. He's not coming all weekend. Yeah, he's holding you off. He ain't coming to stay. Yeah, he's talking you.

He said he told Rebecca he can only come Sunday initially. And then I was like, well, what about the roast? And then that's the last I heard of it. Then you said he's not coming. Yeah, he's not. He told me today. Yeah, he's not giving up mothership. But why wouldn't you give a, it's just a club?

You can just do it anytime you want. Your mouth noises. Yeah. I don't end up in one of those. comedy cut videos. It's fine. He's not here, so there's no point. We'll get other people. We'll get... This is falling apart. Maybe we don't do it. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa. No Skag Fest.

All right. We just talk about the roast. Oh, we still have to do that. We still have to do it. We're premiering your movie at the festival. I can't wait. I'm watching it. I'm in there. Can I please see some shit? Please. No, I don't think you should. You shouldn't see. I think they still at the game fest. See it for the first time. Well, no, I think they should do a private screening where Lewis can cry to it.

No, we have to videotape it, though. We would never, ever do a private screening for Lewis. Why? Because you'll be like, do doggy, you can't have that in there. Is there more action, more pussy getting that you could put in? Dude, don't get me getting any pussy in this festival, dude. No, we don't have any of that. I kind of wanted just to be like, all pussy and some fighting.

They fucking, they fucking came at a very inopportune time. There was just shoes everywhere. We walked in, it was just lady. It looked like a lady shoes. Lewis is in silk robes and he's like, have you met my children? Boots, everything. These new bi-young women are my... We're interviewing Lewis.

Every five minutes you're like, okay, bye. And then you're like, oh, wow, he had a chick back there. And it's like this. Adios, Dan. I'm like, how many fucking women are back? Thanks for coming to film me. These are my naughty babies. Bonjour.

All these different kinds. Like, what? He's like... Are you gonna... You should see it for the first time when we all said that. You should not see it before then. You should see it in front of the live audience.

At's gang fest. And then we'll do a Q&A afterwards. Yes. Oh, man. No, it's going to be sick. You got to have the... I mean, I want people that are not skanks affiliated on the Q&A to be like, what did you think? Yeah, we get the, you know...

I couldn't think of anyone. People from the Turner Classic movie, Roger Eber. I can't think of it. This is my fourth pod of the day. I'm all fucked up. Is it really your body brain? I'm doing four today. I'm doing bonfire right after this.

This is terrible. Sweet. I don't do five tomorrow. What? Yeah. This is no good. Four on Wednesday. It's collapsing.

Yeah. What the fuck? I don't know. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked everybody. The Godfather I fuck this all.

Before that it was stand up and radio. I fell asleep and the switch was on and now there's too much. I suck. You really did just set the world to fucking inconvenience all of our lives. I know,

I fucked up. He set the table and he's like we're going to make it so everyone has to talk nonstop. And I'm out of stuff. Give me all the pieces of your life. I'm like, hey, would you suck your dad off

for a hundred? Oh, we did that? Okay, we did that. Never mind. You guys all do really popular podcast. I do the array of non-popular to really popular podcast.

That's quality control. You're down from bottom of the top. We got to do. I never do this. I never do it. Have a guest. We quit. We can have a guest.

We do once a month. No. Once a year. Once a year would be. Oh, we used to do that. One reunion. Once a year. Our Christmas one every year.

That's what we did. Coming together for some Christmas special. Oh, you know, Brady Punch. A three, it'd be a three hour episode. We do it at the Ramesson. A three. We'll do it on a boat. Oh, we'll get lost.

We'll get lost on an island. Our whole life will be a podcast. I don't know. Cannibalism. Our guest is going to be Wilson. Here he is. There's no mics. Just coconuts with fucking straw look like wire.

Hey guys. Welcome back. Today's sponsor is Sand. I tried to eat it. Like the professor. We got coconut in our ears. Hey, coming back. This episode is brought to you by the noise at night.

Is that a storm or is not a giant animal? If we were all stuck in the... Island. How long? Who is the ruler? I don't know because I would find the highest point in jump. The ruler? I would say Dan, because he has a

12 inch head. We'd use him to measure. Oh, the natives would think I would bury him up to his chin. Oh, the ruler? How did he? I don't remember. I thought you were talking on Stonehenge. I bombed on an impression. I missed it.

Yeah. No, it's like Stonehenge. You're right. The locals would take me in as a god. Yeah. Everybody. I said to deepen my voice. Bring me fish. It wouldn't be Joe.

Joe's the least leader-like of the group. We can all agree on that. Joe would be in the cave reading stuff he wrote with blood. Lewis knows that's the funniest person to pick to say that for him. Joe, you think you'd be the leader of us if we were all stuck in an island? Well, you guys, here's a thing, and I'm going to get serious for a second. You guys misunderstand what alpha means. And I mean this.

You two particularly think alpha means yellow. You want an alphabet? I'm an alpha. I'm an alpha. I'm the alpha. That was fucking 10 out of 10. This is the reason Bobby gave you all those wires.

But it was very nice. This right here is the reason Bobby gave you that Walmart bag of wires. We did it, guys. I finally made it. Oh, God, funny.

I just crossed the 30. James. He did it. It's for you, James. It's for you. I didn't even get it. I was like, yeah, let's bet.

This is just leading as a new sponsor? But I, I'm able to think properly. You guys are too hot to be leaders. We think all the time. You're hot heads. Now, we've got less hot in the years.

It's still homic down. It depends on where the island is. We might be a little hot. You too, you've got Jamaica? Okay. I'd be the leader immediately. Yeah, because they go,

we have known him for 10 years. You're not a leader. Strong leadership, high confidence, assertiveness, and ambition. There's nothing to do with nerdy, fucking dumb smarts. Yeah, but you don't have confidence. You're insecure. Yeah.

You're aggressive. Me? Yeah. No, him. You wouldn't be the leader. I don't have confidence? You would be the killer. I don't have confident.

I think he, that's all he has. I literally, the only thing I have is confident. I'm pretty sure that's the, he spammed that move at this point. You'd be the, you'd be the,

like the guy we send out. He's trying to do an alpha thing by touching my arm a lot. No, listen, the thing is, you'd be the, you'd be the guy that we send out to fucking take care of things.

To take care of what? Like other, no, you're the one, you'd be, I'd be fucking, like Bobby, Bobby, build us a fucking.

No, I'd be in a hut, just kind of, You'd come to me when you needed advice. Woo! Yeah, Lewis. That Oshkawandah's got you bang on all silly. Lewis is hot to them. I would be the one you'd come to for advice.

You would be the one that we would talk about how we'd have to kill. Yeah. We'd go, he's bringing us to him. You're not going to have to kill me. You're not going to kill me. I'm not delicious either. My meat has no fat on it. It's just like, you're right.

Meat has no fat on it? Well, it's like old fat. You were all marbling, your entire fucking. Three years ago, I would have been delicious. Oh, my God. We just talked about this last. Last week's episode. Here's a take.

This is what the problem was talking about. You would not be the leader. You would be the guy. Stop touching me. Stop touching me. You would be the guy. Touch me more. What is that?

It's my fucking tries. What is this? You like it now, don't you? You know, try harder, sip. Joe would not be the leader. I would say Dan. I'm dead. Dan freaks out.

Dan would start, literally start freaking out. You guys would find, I'd be the crazy man in the cave that has shit all over the wall. It would be the four of us. Me and. Exactly. Dan, you tell Dan the capital in New York is fucking Ithaca, he's like, absolutely, 100%.

Listen, this is a mean thing that you do that was over 20 years ago before I got into therapy, and before I started expressing my opinion. That's a 2007, Dan, absolutely. The dynamic would be this. Me and Bobby would both claim to be the leader. Eventually, we would draw a line in the sand

for the four of us, but who's the leader guys? And me and Bobby just would go to war. We'd just pass off Dan and fucking Joe to fuck. Leaders don't do the fighting and the shouting and the punching. Yeah, they do. They send people out. Back in the day they did.

You've ever heard of a... Bird of a feather. I would say shuck a con. I would just be very pleasant. And I'd let you guys all yell, get all your shit out, and then you'd fall asleep, and I'd kill all of you with a giant rock.

A film director. You'd rather pick it up. Right? I go, and slip, and then you come out, and I go, oh, hey, I'm sleeping. I'm trying to get back in the bed. Oh, no, I didn't know you. Damn would make us laugh.

Every time we were about to kill him, he'd make us laugh. Joe, you're not the leader. It's funny. You guys are projecting so much. You've just decided to try to convince me that I'm not the leader. I'm not even saying anything. By the way, that's a very leadership. I'm kind of thinking Joe might be the leader now.

You guys literally know the score. As soon as it started, it started to go, oh, not Joe, not Joe. I didn't say that. No, that was two. Your lip is quivering. I've had a lot of caffeine. very jacked up. He's just watched his lip quiver.

It was crazy. His lips clues when he gets nervous. By the way, thanks for the bird with glasses. Every comment now, burb with glasses. You're fucking bird with glasses. I got people shouting it to me on stage. How do you think I feel?

Every time I do a show, he yell out. Moose. Moose or slug or. Fuck off. Every time I'm on stage they yell out next. And by the way, it wasn't me

that did that. It was Dave Chappelle. If you're going to play someone, and play the right person. Dude, Chappelle doing the Rosa Jo is so a great bit. Listen to me. You. I'll listen, but I'm not going to...

Your lip... When your lip quivers, you ever see the... I think Joe's going to... I don't see the video, like, the video of the egg where it's like it's frying and, like, it looks like the lip is going. Joe's got fried leg, fried egg mouth. I go, pull that video. I go, fuck.

Someone throw some bacon on this in this grease? What is it? It's singing a song, right? Yeah, sing it a song. I'll pull it up, please. Don't... You'll have that in about 10, 12 minutes. Next episode.

Just fried egg singing. By the way, you guys, these are your people that work for you. No, one of them work for me. Good leadership. Yeah, the one pulling it up that never pulls it up. Good leadership. We got three guys that you guys hired. Don't do shit.

I'll give you that. Thank you. Very leadership move. Yep. We do hire guys. Do we have that egg singing? Nope. No.

No. There it is. There is Joe List. I didn't know this is what it was. I thought of a cartoon. And it's Feeney. It does look like Joe. Joe, you're an egg.

That's us on the island enjoying him. Yeah. Well, I'll take egg over bird with glasses. Damn, it really stuck our day. Where did it come from? Where did it come from? You'll take egg mouth over bird with confidence? Absolutely.

You would? I think that's a terrible friend. Egg mouth. I like egg mouth. Egg mouth. Are you ready to get fries? You guys, it's your ass, buddy. What?

What? What? If I'm getting heckled, it's one thing, comments. Yelling it out of the show. Huckling is that's crazy. First of all, I'll have you physically removed from my show if you're heckling. Damn, that's a real leader of an island move. I'll do it myself.

There was a chick that got removed from my show in Pittsburgh, the early show on Saturday. Why? She was just a fucking... Tittsburg. The feature, Matt Light, very funny comedian at Skangfest. featuring for you. Yeah, Matt Rive. Good looking guy, young kid. He goes, Lewis, do you want to use the Madonna mic?

Lewis, like, oh, are you with the Madonna, Mike would be a fucking problem. Why are you being a fucking? Shut down, don't fuck off. No, she was just being a bitch and like, Paco, Paco went up first and Paco was having a hard time dealing with her. Paco, by the way, killed the whole fucking weekend. Paco. Paco was great. Was she, how was she a problem?

She was. She was out of his chair, got on the mic. Oh. She was a drunk, and it was her first time at a comedy show ever. Oh, yeah. So Paco was, like, being nice. You know, he's doing the host thing. And it's so funny, like, they're all, like, being nice.

But this kid Matt Light, he was not being nice. He's like, fuck you. I'm watching the, the manager of the place, just stare kind of like looking, watching. I was like, at what point is it, like, she's got to go. Like, he's like, I don't know if you wanted her to move. I was like, you want, you think I want her to sit there for 45 minutes ruining everybody before me. This is why crowdwork. This is what crowdwork clips have fucked up is.

is now the club doesn't, it's not reactionary. That's not true. It's been that way for 30 fucking years, and it's always a woman, and it's always a woman who fucking got too drunk, and she's with her dumb friends or a husband who never squeezed her elbow and said, shut the fuck up.

That's true. 99.9% of the time it's a woman. Excellent rebuttal. That's it. You tell a guy to shut the fuck up, very rarely do they not shut the fuck. Unless they're just blackout drunk and they're making.

Exactly. Yeah. And in which case. But they can't. Well, can I add some. to that. Yeah, you can't fucking feminist. Women worse than men, because when men are the problem...

No penises, Joe, you're a fuck. Men are the problem, they're deciding to be a problem. They're like this. Yeah, fuck you, dude. Women don't think... Women are like this. What? Yeah. Oh, my God! That's no! When I was at Denver Comedy Works, there was a girl yelling shit out. I ignored her.

She did this. That's crazy. And I went, I went, what? She went, this is what she said. This is what... was for. She thought you were a helicopter. She goes, I only half get it. And honestly, I thought I checked down to it. I went, I want to save them.

Does Bobby look like a helicopter? That's a part I don't know. I couldn't even find. I couldn't even find. The silence is the best. I think I would go, but she, I go what? She goes, me and my friends haven't gone out in so long, and I'm so happy that we're just been a long time since we've been together and we're here tonight. celebrating and it means a lot and I was like

you're mentally fucking ill. Yeah? And then she goes that hurts my feelings. Good. It should. You're hurting my feelings. It's fucking great. I flew all the way here to perform for you when you won't shut the fuck up. It's crazy. Yeah. I had a girl at the comedy vault. Unbelievable club by the way. Yeah, Batavia. What a fucking club. I'll be there later this year. It's so good. The lady

You're going backwards in your life. No, I'm going to film a special and then build a new hour in clubs. He just had a great one by the way. And if you come, you've got to Batavia yourself. I got it out better the first time. Yeah, you did. Thank you. But a chick in the audience screaming shit out the whole time. They went and told her shut up. She cried. Fucking cried.

Cried. Because she would just, I'm just trying to have fun. No, you're not. You can't? They went up to her. So nice. That club is so, hey, can you? Like three times.

And then the third time she cried and had to go to the bathroom. Came back. Cried again. Had to leave again. Yeah, you kick a bitch out and they go like, why are you doing this? Guys are like, hey, fuck you. You're not funny. Fuck you.

Fuck you. You'll fight you. Women are like, The best one was in Texas at the Addison Improv. I had a chick kicked out with all the party. I came out after the show. She was on the ground crying between the ATM and the door of the other club, the bar. Just crying.

Her friends left are just crying. Oh. That may be that. Getting left. Getting left a crying, drunk mess is always fun. I remember old stand Santa Con. Do you guys remember Santa Con? I hate it. You know what the worst is after the show when the people of the girls heckle?

They'll go up to the MC or the middleer and talk to them. And knowing that you're right there, You were funny. I hate it. You were great. Why did we have, we had so much fun with you. I never had that. Damn, really?

No, not once. God, he is the leader of the island. He's the leader of the island. Joe's our leader. Epstein Island. Damn. You're running the shark door. Guys, buying jewelry can be a hassle.

But not with GLD. GLD makes it easy to find high quality pieces at any price point. You know, Lewis is getting into rings, pinky rings, necklaces, and that's why he brought on GLD to sponsor our show. It has high quality jewelry of all kinds for men and women. Chains, pendants, rings, earrings, and watches, real gold in every piece, meticulously handset stones, all built to last. Dude, this stuff is awesome.

I mean, every time we get a new sponsor, I'm like, what's this? I don't know. Am I going to use this? Is this some crap I don't need? This is awesome. I'm buying my mother jewelry, my wife's jewelry, my sister jewelry. I'm Mr. Jewelry now because of GLD. Joe goes home and puts some stuff.

on so many chains. He's like Mr. T. He just sit there in necklaces. But my wife loves rings, she loves jewelry, and it's a nice way to let her know you care without breaking the bank. And right now you can do it better than ever because you can work hard and change the game for a limited time. New customers are getting an insane deal. If you use code regs, R-E-G-Z, you get 50% off at g-l-D.com. That's 50.5% off. That's half with code regs, R-E-G-Z at glde.com. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them.

Support the show and tell them the regs sent you. Guys, let's take a quick moment and thank Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. Joe's all jacked up on Body Brain right now. Can I tell you, I had a whole glass of Body Brain this morning? A glass of it. Yeah, what are you? Check them for a wire. You had ice.

No, you do have ice. I love ice, too. I drink it in my protein shake every day after I live. I drink it every day in the bonfire. D.K. Lou and me. People were acting like, they were like, Bobby never drinks it. Bobby legitimately. I drink it every day.

Joe's never had it once in his life. Bobby legitimately is a box up at the tiny house. I have a box up at the tiny house. And I, every day on the bonfire, Lou hands me my hot body brain. You know what it feels like when I drink it? Like a hug. It does feel like a hug.

It feels like a hug. For your mind and your body. It feels like Lewis hot whispering in your ear. He goes, you're going to be so smart, bro. You'll never get any of these profits. They're all. You're drunk. Drink it.

It's premium freeze-dried Colombian coffee that's blended with neutropics and adaptogens that support natural testosterone levels and brain function and memory. I have terrible ADHD, so I drink my body brain.

I feel like my mind is lit on fucking fire after I drink it. You should snort it. I'm not going to snort it. That's not good. I don't think you should advise people to do that. Body brain coffee does not endorse snorting the product.

He's only drinking in water. Look up with the ingredients to Tonka-Ali. It's legitimately a great product. Huberman, Joe Rogen, All these guys have talked about it, please. That people don't do, and you don't mention? What?

In your vanilla protein shake? I said it on this ad read. That's what I said. I got it from you. I got it right from you. Right from the horse. That's what I do. I pour it right on my protein shake.

I just shake it up, and then I fucking shoot it all over my face. Shake it up. Shake it up. Tunkadalee. A lot of people use Lionsmade. Ashwaganda, Elthianine. Genuinely great product. People love it.

The reviews are great. Wrap it up. You don't spend it that much money. Right now, if you go to bodybrain coffee. and use the promo code Regs 20, R-G-Z-20. You're going to save 20% off, but check this out. If you subscribe to receive it monthly, not only

you're getting 20% off, but we're giving you free shipping for life, and this is another new thing that we just added. Lewis's saying that we just added. This is the longest ad on the show. And there's just one more thing. Well, hold on. Let me tell you, if you subscribe, we're taking, all the subscribers are getting a three-pack of the brand-new body-brain creamer

that isn't even available to anyone else in the world. You're creaming right now for this creamer. You're getting three-pack to try it out before it's available, before it's on pre-sale, before it's anywhere else. So subscribe right now. It's the best. Now, our Starbucks is here, so... If you get a body-brain tattoo

on your face, golden ticket, Skangfest. Woo! What do you think? No, don't do that. Fine. If you do a body-brain tattoo on your face... Get it on their ass. But it's got to be big. It's got to be big. The biggest one wins,

because it can't be everybody getting it. So if multiple people get body-brain tattoos, the largest one that takes of the largest surface air of your face, If Dan got one, I mean, he's got such a huge face. I'm a billboard. I'm a billboard driving into New York City. BodyBringcoffee.com. Use that promo code.

There's just Starbucks Latte. Regs 20. Why don't you use body brin on the show? Because they drink one a day. Are you only supposed to drink one? Two at the most? Oh, shit. Bobby's eyes are bleeding.

I drink coffee all day. All right. Where were we? Oh, I got a beef. With who? You posted the clip with the subtitles. Do you know what I'm talking about? He didn't push the...

It says, Lewis hangs up. Yeah. You hung up. That was the big punch plan. That's because fucking dumb Pacco couldn't see. Oh, Paco's a dumb. He's very smart.

Paco way. Boss, here's what it is. I gave you the punch. That was fucked up. He has all the footage of all the camera angles, but he's only watching what he sees. Lewis. Lewis. So he...

I make him only watch me. He gets to the top and bottom of the screen. Well, when Lewis... He got a pep talk from Lewis. When I speak, the camera's on me. Take it off everybody else. That's what he told me. But yeah, some of the subtitle says Lewis hangs up.

Lewis hangs up. But the joke. The whole thing builds to the joke, and it says Lewis did it, but Bobby did it. Thank you, Pacco. And you couldn't see it. Paco, you got to raise. No. You couldn't see it.

You couldn't even see the hangup. So you don't see the hangup. Yeah. He got the credit and you didn't even see the bit, which was me like this, waiting. Yeah. And you could have got that angle. And you could have got, we have all, look at all these cameras. We have five cameras.

You could have got that angle. And this fucking Filipino bitch didn't get it. Thank you, Paco. And he has it all. Paco, you better hope you don't end up on that island. I thought that was fucked up. Yeah. Paco's a fucking bitch

He's Lewis's big Nice credit There we go What is this This is another egg Is this another egg What is that? A bird with glass

He's bringing it up He's insulting Joe now That's what Paco is doing With his time Yeah Yeah Paco great job You want more road work

Yes please Damn that's how you feed him Yep You want less red A baby bird Paco you want to do The Mohican Sun with me Yes please

Reed it Yeah I want to re-edity I want a re-ed clip With fucking the whole wide angle. Show me the Bobby cut. Like this, the Bobby, yeah, exactly.

The Robert Kelly cut. I want the uned, I want it up next week. You're pulling what they did to Snyder. I'm not kidding. The Zach Snyder. I want the Bobby Kelly cut. They're the one everybody would have liked. Yeah.

I'd like to help though. Yeah. Paco, the answer is no, you don't want to do Mohegan's son. You gotta go up cold in that fucking room. No, he's not going up cold. It's brutal. It's, oh, yeah, dude. That room is rough.

I love that. It's so little fans because it's a casino gig and it's kind of far out, so it's a bunch of, like, just casino people. They go, what do you got? What do you got? Yeah, dude. Just old casino people. There's people like just hot sluts out there on a fucking mechanical bull.

They're all having more fun outside. Oh, my God. My boobs came out of my top. And I'm like, anyways, my dad's still dead. Are you guys all right? What are you guys? You have the drag show that's angrily waiting to get in that dressing room. Bitch, you better work because we are late.

Dude, that club, I put my headshot, I fucking drew a Hitler mustache and my headshot. And the owners got so mad at me because they're Jewish. It was the first weekend I ever headlined and I wrote on my headshot at the end of the weekend. You know I'm a feature, right? And then they were cutting me the check and they were like, are you really a feature? And I was like, well, yeah, for Bobby, but like I'm going on the road now by myself. And they were like, oh, okay. Like, they were like, I was like, what am I never going to get pulled here again?

Dude, one of the funniest things ever, do we talk about it on this show, Sagalow? What? He signed the wall without their permission. That's, do you not know this, dude? Dude, I feel like I forgot it if I had, if you have to tell me, I don't remember that. He signed the wall without probation. And then they were like, what the fuck? We took it to sign the wall.

He was like, oh, I just thought, you know, he's like, no. Then they went and they got paint. No, they did it. They erased this. They painted it overhead in front of him. They had to go get a fucking paint chip to match the color. You know what mean it is to be lecturing someone while you take the paint off your brush on the can? And you go, I'm just telling you.

Just don't do that next time. I mean, I'm torn because, like, he probably shouldn't have signed the wall without being asked us not. You're featuring. You don't really sound on the wall. Yeah. But also, it's so mean to paint over it.

It is, you just go, well, hopefully one day a headline and it makes sense. No, they just assumed he wouldn't be closing at any point. You don't, you don't yell to the staff. You go, do we have any more midnight blue? We have to paint over the wall because Sagalow fucking signed it.

I took Feeney to middle for me, and the manager came in, he went, can I get you something, Robert? He goes, can I get a moment? He goes, can I get a martini? Hey, how are the numbers? Are the numbers good? No, finis in that?

Oh, that's a finny. Your weekend? I would have broke his fingers. And they were like, not good. They go, your numbers or his numbers? Either way. Tough. It's light out there.

How do you want me to say it to you? Some of our waitresses aren't paying rent this month. That's crazy. How are the numbers? I don't even ask how my numbers are anymore. I'm just like, let me surprise me when I show up. I love that gig because they want you over. I love casino because it's like,

yeah. Just, we need you out of here. by this time because that music goes on at fucking one past 10. That's like Knicks in Boston. Yeah. They go, get the fuck out of here. I do not mind that. Because every week I'm doing an hour, hour, hour and 10.

You got to fight. But when they're like, get the fuck off, good night. And I walk. Oh, I love it. I love with two shows. And it'll be like a 7 and a 930. They're like the early show. We're going to have everyone do a little less.

I'm like, please. Yeah. Please give me as little time as Boston. Turn the row over. I'll give you seven minutes of bits. How good is one show Friday? That's what I had this last weekend. I just did Buffalo one show.

It was fantastic. I was done at 8.30 p.m. That's the best. I was eating dinner at 9 p.m. At a restaurant. Dude, I did a show in Atlanta once, and after the first show on Friday, I was out like, I was like, we got one more.

I was trying to get in that thing to get back up. And he went, hey, we're done. We don't have another show, and I almost cried. I was like, what? We're done? One show is the best feeling in the world. We could put all your energy into it.

I love it. You don't have to keep anything in the reserve. It's like there's been, like, young comics and grizzled comics who have been doing it for too long. Like everyone, all these young comics are like, I do five shows. I used to do like, you know, what we do? Like eight fucking show weekends. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday three, and a Sunday.

Fuck that. Well, that was that casino gig. Back in the day, it was crazy. That specific, I don't know if it was when it was that Mahican Sun, but when it was at Foxwoods. Foxwoods. It was a when, if you were featuring, it was a Wednesday through Sunday. And you'd feature Wednesday.

or no, you headline Wednesday. You'd headline Sunday. Then you'd feature Thursday, Friday. Say it's the first club that might be the first club that that headlined me and it was off of you because I would come in future for you. That's the one I was telling you about where I signed. Well, back in Vegas back. Yeah, yeah. That's where it became Eskimo Brothers. When you did... By banging that old lady.

When you did Vegas back in the day, you had to do the whole week. The whole week every night. But Friday and Saturday, you had to do three shows a night. And at the Harris Improv, you had to do two weeks. And I remember I came in to do the RIV my first time. I got, I was all excited. Did you call the Riviera?

The Rive? The Rive that we called it. We all hated it. We all hated it. Oh, dude. Trying to give a shorthand name. Who are you guys at the Palm? You got to Pa? I'm going to the bell.

Keith Robinson was on his second week when I showed up at the Harris. He looked like he was about to die. I think that's what gave him the stroke. Yeah. Is that the time? If I ever have a stroke, this is the reason. It's the worst. Is that a stroke of luck?

That'd be fun. The worst. Vegas back of the day sucked. Yeah, no, Vegas kind of still sucks. No, they got clubs now. You can work Friday Saturday. I love Vegas. That club, what's his toes?

Wise guys. Yeah, wise guys. Great. The one location is kind of. The new location is fucking really hard to sell. The old location sells out. Like the new location, it was... Is the old...

Is the first one, like, actually in, like, the Vegas suburbs? I don't remember. I think the old ones near the where we had Skangfest, right? Over in that area, the art district. Yeah. Right. The new one, where's the new one? The first one is near Fremont.

It's in the art district. Shut the fuck up. That's where I started comedy. We're pontificating out loud right now. We're not asking for a fucking... You don't have a guy. goddamn answer when we need one, but now you're fucking jumping in.

All right, my fault. Sorry, boss. You're the best. I'll edit that clip so you look so good. Lewis angle on this is going to be incredible. You look very healthy. What do we watch all the clips and it's all Lewis? Are you sitting in the background of Lewis's

solo podcast? You go, the regs? Excuse me? Well, you know what we should do? I've never done this before. Show each other are penises? I try to say this before, and then we Got it to a fucking hilarious bit. Oh, here we go.

It's bit time. So, Asperian Caster, who's a big fan of all the podcasts. That's a person? Asperian, well, it's his name on... I thought that was a pharmaceutical company. I thought it was a guitar. Oh, no, he's awesome. He's the man.

He's got the Tupac thing on Twitter. Yes. Yeah, he's the man. He's so funny. He does a 32 podcast bracket every year. Yeah. The, like, March comedy, or March Madness bracket. Yeah.

And like I've never promoted it because I'm like let the fucking fans aside But then like two or three fucking podcasts always promote it and they always fucking zip past us Like oh dad meet's gonna beat me At 10 I'm comfortable this is the bracket where's the regs the regs versus son of a boy dad Son of a boy dad won last year look at the actual poll because they already did the left side of the bracket You could vote already are we beating son of a boy dad 8 9 seed is is uh he gave rogan the one seed Are they

Los J. Gomez has three pods on here. It's the top three. I'm going to have four, dude. Story Wars, Regs, Legion of Skanks, Real-Assad podcast. Matt and Shane's on here? Let's say, yeah. Where are we at? Hold on. First of all, vote for... Matt and Shane, B. and Eden with Jordan is a great first-round matchup.

Look all these Philly guys you don't follow. Tommy Pope, Tim Butterley. Reg, son of a boy dad. There it is. Let's say, right there. Who's winning? First of a vote for son of a boy, dad. Don't vote for us. Yes. Oh, yeah, we dominated it.

They won last year, but that's because they promoted it. And I feel like we should fucking be promoting this. This doesn't come out for like a week. We're going to be way out of this. I hope. I hope we lost by one vote. Oh, if you guys would have said it earlier, I want to vote for you. Yeah, so we're beating them right now.

But they promoted it last year. I think they won the whole thing, if I'm not mistaken. What do you win? Nothing, just bragging rights. No. Bracket rights. Adam Friedland show. Bracket rights.

Bracket rights. Bracket rights, yes. I liked it. Are you garbage or Adam Friedland? Now I just want to see how everyone's doing. Let's say, let's click them. We'll do our votes right now. All right.

So, are you garbage or Adam Friedland? I say, are you garbage is a better part of you. I like Adam a lot, but I think it's a better part of him. Rogan, digital. Rogan, digital bazook as us. Brogan. Digital bazooker. Digital bazooker.

So fun. It's so fun. Prank phone calling show with Drew Montana. So you take digital bazooker. Digital bazook. No way. Rogan all day. Rogan all day.

Digital bazook. I'll be back on Rogan April 20th. I'll move to Austin. So I vote for Rogan. You're going to move in Austin. You would never. I am. Don't say that.

Oh, it's close though. Whoa. It's close, yeah. My boy's digital bazooka might call in a fake phone call. Get that thing up. Shout out, Drew. Drew's man. Drew's hilarious.

Okay. What are you going to do? You're going to just sit on that part. Go up. Matt and Shane being ordered. You got to go Matt and Shane. I love Ian and Jordan, but I'm going Matt and Shane. Yeah.

Go with the dog. Wow. 87%. I'm destroying right now. Going with the dog. Stopping. Stavvy's world. Durag and the deer tag.

I'm going stobby. No, DeRag. I like DuReg's my boy. Fuck, Stobby. I love Naim. He's been answered a text message of mine in fucking eight years. Hey, he hasn't answered my text message. He sent me cookies.

He hasn't responded to me either. He didn't send cookies. But I get them to himself. He dropped off cookies at my house when I wasn't there. I think he fucked my wife. So vote for him. Stavis. I say Dewreg.

Fine, I got a voter, but I say do reg. Those are my boys. Oh! Stop. Back to reality. Oh, there goes gravity. Oh, he's so. Matt, but he won't give up, Daddy.

Tim. Ari versus, Ari versus Tim. It's not just, it's not just Ari versus Tim. It's the podcast, which I love Ari. I love R too. But the podcast, Tim Dillon's episode on the Epstein Files is, is brilliant.

One of the greatest episodes of a podcast ever done. I say Ari, that's our boy. Tim Dillon. I'm gonna say, Tim's my boy too. They're both of my boys. Tim's probably more my boy than Arias at this point. I love Ari.

Ari's in the woods. He's in the jungle. He's back. He's back. He's back. He's back. In California? Yeah, he's probably.

to him. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. He sent me cookies. That's fine. No, he's back. He's back. All right. Fine. I'll go Tim Dillon. I'm going Ari. Fuck it. I love Tim. Three to one. You've been out voted. Tim Dillon. Tim Dillon. Vote for Tim. So it's a better podcast than Ubi Tripping. Youber Tripping's great. Yeah. But. Real-ass podcast.

I'll go boys' cast. I don't know what boyscast is, but I like it. Don't be an ass cast. Don't be an ass. Don't be an ass. Don't be an ass. Don't be an ass. Don't be an ass. I'm probably dominant. If I had a guess is the biggest domination here, let's see. Whoa. Wow. All right. You missed this past weekend and Tim Butterley. Tim Butterley.

So it's Theo Vaughn versus Tim Butterley's. Butterley's family, doggie. Tim Butterly all day. But I go Tim. Oh! Timmy's a fucking fun ball. Persons are a real comedy fan who has a real comedy fans follow him. So it's like,

it's not going to be the more popular podcast that wins. It's going to be the fucking. He actually is hilarious on Twitter. Butterley is fucking great. I'm wondering if this is good podcasting, though. This is great. They'll get people involved.

They're going to be listening. They can't see what we're seeing. We're going to go and vote for it. They see what we're seeing. Tim Butterley's ahead. They're watching on YouTube they see. 29. Go up to the next one.

I think it's all of them. Okay. That's it. Well, where's Tuesdays with stories? Well, it's on the other side of the bracket, I think. You're on the left side of the bracket. The right side of the bracket. So we got Kill Tony and Pannies in the mouth.

Dude, is Tuesday's not on the bracket? Derp with Kurt. Against. against cockfight. Dirk with KERP versus Story Wars. I don't like the YKWD, the original fucking podcast. All these queers didn't have podcasts before me,

and now they didn't put me up there just out of respect. I'll lose in the first round. Do you think they respect you too much and that's why you didn't put up there? I just didn't think of that. War mode to say that. I believe that.

I shouldn't be a pair because I'm a winner every year. I don't know any of these shows. Dad me is Tim Butterley and Migranie. Which is great. I would vote for that over my podcast. We wouldn't be here. We wouldn't be doing this fucking podcast. I'll tell you who's going to kill Tony's going to be pain in the mouth.

Story War is going to be terrible with Kirk. Yep. Tuesday's going to win. Skanks is going to beat perfect guy life. We might be drunk. So we'll have Tuesdays of the stories versus the skanks in the second round. I'm telling you right now, war mode. But like war mode.

They're a dark horse, but I think. War mode. Shout out Billy and Spud. We might be drunk. Might be drunk might beat them though. I think war mode. I think we pay attention to our friends. Stuff Island's got a shot against bad friends.

You're looking at O'Connor versus Santino in that one. That's an interesting match up. Bad friends got a lot of fans. But Stuff Island's got a loyal fan. So here's the thing. All those Philly guys like follow Asperian. That's like that the Philly guys are going to dominate in these things. Matt and Shane. What's perfect gay life?

I don't know. Your fantasy? So I think bad friends, stuff island? That's Sam Hyde and Nick Grocerford. I'm taking Stuff Island. I deserve more. That was great. Stuff Island, I think, beats bad friends.

And I think Dad Meat beats me. You think Stuff Island beats bad friends. Yeah. Probably, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think Dad Meat beats me. I don't know. When do we find?

When do we get to vote on this? Flay. Beets. No, Lemon Party's gonna be... Lemon Party's gonna be flagrant. 15-2 seed is a matchup. Matchup nightmare for flagrant. Yeah, and the seeds are based off

of popularity, but not necessarily... Story Wars. Nice. Story Wars, number nine. You got a lot of shit over story wars at my episode, by the way. You were fighting all weekend. I was watching it. Oh, yeah.

Why? Who was... Who was ever... Matt about. There was two wars going on. I think Regs could beat... I think we could go far. We can go very far. That'd be funny if we lost the fucking story war.

Can we just put this one out? now and then we'll promote it like regs fans go vote for us to put this out as a clip tomorrow we'll be up against rogan in round two we'll crush rogan okay well as a future austin i just you need something you keep saying that's bothering me what's up you've been by the way for the folks at home he was saying this before the camera was on he's like i'm moved to austin i'm out you're not going i put in 19 good years here you're not going

what are you going to go to austin for backyard you can get a backyard you can get a backyard he's got a backyard i have a backyard to take you guys to get to where you need took me to get fucking you know long it's going to take you If you get to the studio from Austin, it's going to be insane. You guys come down. You pop down. I enjoyed that. It takes seven minutes to get to the-

Are you really fucking going to Austin? Up here, I'm already gone. Wow. What is it? You played tennis with a hot girl, and all of a sudden, now you think that's going to be your life? What was that?

Five days. You think that's going to be your life down there? You think your little vacation trip's going to be your life? After the show, you do a spot, then you have a backyard, fire. If you make it by the bullets. Yeah, that's right. There was a shooting.

Yeah, it was a shooting. Oh, my God. There was one shooting. Oh my God, there's never been a shooting in New York. You got Chase bike guys down there. Yeah, for real. Yeah, but that's because I was walking. I'll have a car.

Then you were running. You're pulling a dick. That's you pulling dick. It's just very expensive here. It's very cold. Because you live in the city. Move out of the city. You guys were both late.

Yeah, but Joe, you know how it gets there in fucking August? You're going to really turn to a Friday again. I was two minutes late, you clock soccer. And I'm always on time before you, most of the time. Actually, I'd say you're usually the last person here. That's nuts. That's nuts. That's nuts.

That's nuts. You're nuts. You're always late. You're known to be late. I think like all time, you probably win being late 95% of the time. I would say literally 90%. I would say 95. I think I have maybe like two. I think Bobby's maybe about five. I call, except today I was going to be on time, but the train, fuck me. I'm saying it takes you guys the longest to get here, for sure. Yeah, but I still get here. Yeah. Yeah, but I come from a backyard and a nice neighborhood.

I come from a woman. Oh, yeah. I came in a woman. That's why I need to move to Winnibago. Why do you want to move to Spicago? He's just saying this. Fireplace. He's just being controversial.

Money goes way further. I have it all. My money doesn't go way further. Yeah, it's so fucking expensive here. You're so far away. You're far away. Not far away. You are.

You can live up in Terrytown. It's 35 minutes away. That's what everyone says. It is. He's trying to be controversial. He is. He's not moving on us. He's not going to move to off.

He's got a fucking apartment. He loves it. His wife loves it. Do you know the panic attack he would have if he moved down there? Away from Karen Feehan. He goes, I got to get back. Yeah, dude. Let me see.

What are you showing? Right now. Yeah. Tarry Town. Yeah. To the comedy seller. Yeah. 57 minutes.

That's not what I'm talking about. I'm saying to. Paramus. That's where I'm moving. I'm moving to Terry Town. So great. Terry Town's great. Hastings is great.

I might do Dobbs Ferry. Dobbs Ferry is the best. All right. It's 42 minutes. See? That's great. That's fine. You know what it used to be a story of here on the train?

45 minutes. You can go. Yeah. 20 years ago, I was young, fresh. My son needs a backyard. He's got to stretch his legs, run around. Go to the Hobbs Ferry. Go with him.

You live near him. It took me an hour to get here. It takes a half hour. It takes an hour. We'll do a car podcast. Well, we'll figure it out another day. We podcast when we drive in. They got a good group down there.

They do. It's all Philly. All of Philly lives there. It's new Philadelphia. Metzger, Rogan. Not Matt Mugan. De Rosa, McCusker, Gardini, Butterly, LaMere,

Butterly, Rainey, Nate Marshall. Tommy. It's really L.A., like everyone from L.A. move there. It's Philadelphia and L.A. had a baby. Chris O'Connor. I just named 12 Philly people. Yeah.

I mean, they got a good crew, but it's not your crew. They're not going to accept you. They don't like you. They don't like you from Boston. Who doesn't like? All of the people we named. They're going to hate you. They're pretty actively against you. Yeah.

We're your only friends. Yeah, we're the only people that. I've never seen you guys outside of this room one time. Well, I try not to see you so we can be such good friends. That's because you don't invite us to your parties. I do. I want chemistry when we come in the room. If we were hanging out outside of the podcast, we'd have no chemistry.

Yeah, I don't want to go meet you in a field in a park to sit there and eat potatoes out with bugs all over it. Bugs? Somebody say bugs? Oh, God. Fat Lewis is back. Just don't move there. Move to Miami.

Oh. I have it. Literally the worst guy. He was in a city. Literally, number one. Remember when Janus moved to Miami? He's like, it'll be fine. He'll be back.

Yeah, he just moved to Miami for that news job. Yeah, he got skinny and hot. Yeah. And he was making like 80 grand a year. He was like, I'm rich. And he became Spanish. Yeah, he was like, dancing white pants all the time. I knew it was bad.

I was the only one that was like, this is terrible. Bad idea. What, Miami? Yeah. Everyone was like, oh, it's good. You know, yeah. We were all so broke that it was like, you're making money. Yeah, you're making $250 a year.

No, it wasn't really making that much. The first year was like 80 or $100. You don't have to fucking CSI at it. I mean, it's around there. He was making a lot of money. And today's money, $280,000, I remember being blown away. He got benefits. He's like, I got full health.

And I was like, damn, whoa. Go down there. Never come back. Please. It was a morning show, like a Spanish morning show. Yeah. Yeah. They're trying to do like good morning America, but like for Latinos.

Yeah. For sexy Latinos. Latino. You're not going. We're not going to let you. All right. We're not going to let you. Sarah can go.

You go visit Sarah. I like that. Just get a house with him up in Dobbs Ferry. You'd love it. It's expensive and far. It's not expensive. It's far from the airport. It's far from here.

I make it to the airport in 45 minutes. That's great. 45 minutes. In my house, LaGuardia. No, you don't. swear to God, 45 minutes. He's just a lot. Big Bible.

He comes down. I know how you come down. You come down the old... 687. 687. Over the white stone. I'm fucking right there. Next thing you know?

Over the river through the woods. the grandma's house we go. You're taking Giuliani Boulevard. I live in the same city as the airport. It takes me an hour and 10 minutes. You have to go across. You have to go across the city. Ligordia, I'll say, Ligourney at night, it takes me 30 minutes.

Takes nothing. Me too. For man. Great. From Jersey. Everyone wants to say the perfect conditions. It's fucking hilarious. Yeah, but you got to understand, this is driving, this is driving the city.

32 minutes via the sawmill river. 32 minutes. Shuck my fucking day. Well, usually when I fly, it's at 2 p.m. on a Monday. That's when I go to my gigs. Well, maybe if you book these long weeks like we used to talk about. 8 a.m. on a Thursday. You go walking in 7 hours and 51 minutes.

I wonder where you could rollerbladed in. Ooh. Ooh. Probably good. I make it to LaGuardia of 45 minutes. I have to leave a 4 in the morning and I take the first flight out and there's no traffic and I'm there. Yeah. Nothing.

I like that. Nothing. JFK sucks. I took the first out of Buffalo's Sunday morning, 6 a.m. I had a fly, but when I flew back from vacation last week, we had to extend it because it was a snowstorm. You're having so much sex. It happens so much sex. But we had to say an extra day, which is the fucking hotel.

Like, I booked such an expensive hotel. And then, like, they were like, we had to extend it. And she was like, oh, that's fine. We could just say another day. And I had to, like, play it cool. I was like, oh, yeah. Totally cool. Hey, James, you don't need to eat this week, do you?

This hotel was so fucking expensive. Well, one of your friends buy our new puppy? And then they charged me more money because it was like a last minute. And they were like, oh, you're fucked. You're not going to another hotel. So they charged me even more than my initial. Oh, they threw it in deep. They didn't even kiss you.

Trying to do it. Look at me. But it was nice. I will say fucking Turks and Kekos. It's nice, but I would have stayed at the airport. I would have brought that bitch right to the airport. Yeah. Put a pillow on the ground and said,

fucking guy. A pillow overhead. We're eating out of the Hudson News tonight. Yeah. Yeah, I got nice and chubby. It was great. Did you have to, like, hide that from her? No, she loves it.

She met me when I, right, she met me like two weeks after Skangfest. So I was like, my fattess. My Papa Shango weight. She goes, oh, look, this one's hurt. This one's, So anything below that is like, I'm hot Lewis. Damn, you really do. You dry out nice.

It was funny to see Lewis at the beginning of Skangfest and then Sunday night. Dude, I saw him Sunday and it's just bags under his eyes. He's like, per dog. Damn. When you show up to Skangfest on Sunday, motherfuckers are rough. People who are in the courtyard after an all-night acid trip. I wouldn't know because I've never done it. My buddy sent me a video.

Someone posted a video of SkangFest. He goes, what happens? He's like, this looks like one of those videos where they're mean to the girl and porn, and then at the end, she's like, I love that. It's like, mascara running. And she's like, I love it. That's my buddy Joey. He was just a fan of comedy.

It's so many couples, man. All the couples come up to me. They're like, we're going to Skangfest again. They saw me, it's all these husbands and wives that go to Skankfest. Oh, yeah, people get married there. Yeah. One guy, one couple was there. They were married like two days.

They went straight to Skank Fest. Yeah. Well, it's people's vacation. That's awesome. That's what they do. You know, they treat it like their entire fucking thing. We got April 20th. Guys get tickets.

They're going to sell out quick. Three and a half minutes the pre-sell tickets sold out this year. It was a record. Did you have more tickets available this year? Not for pre-sale, no. No. So it's going to be good.

It's going to be good, boys. Lots of fun stuff. Lots of people that have never been there before. Do we just naturally go into plugs? No, we can go to plugs. Did we just naturally find our way of plugging stuff? Lewis, go ahead. I would love, same thing.

Same order. I'll do the same order, too. I'm okay, Paco, thank you. I'm good, Paco. Buckco. Oh, I have my new head shaver. Yes. Is that your plug?

Yep. There we go. Oh, cool. I thought he brought up Danny's website. Yeah, we've got to change that picture. I will be in Dallas, March 19th, Houston, March 20th, and Oklahoma City March 21st. And then we are in Huntington, New York, April 4th, and Charlotte, April 10th, Durham, North Carolina, April 11th, Dancedo.com for full list of shows through May. Everything is posted.

And subscribe to my YouTube channel. this is my podcast, and thank you very much. Joseph List. I will be in, oh, I don't know. That's past. Poughkeepsie coming up March 20th through the 22nd. Daniel Beach, Fort Lauderdale, I believe. Fort Lauderdale Improv March 26, 27, 28.

Then I got a little Ohio run coming, Columbus, Ohio, as well as Toledo, Ohio, which isn't up there, but I'll get it up there. Oh, that hurt. What was that? And then my big UK and Dublin run, I'm doing Dublin. Belfast, Glasgow, London. We sold out and added a second show, May

21st. Get those tickets. We're going to add a third show eventually. Bristol, England, which is like a small college town. I heard it's fun. So, Belfast, Dublin, Bristol, London, and Tom Dustin, Portrait of a comedian is up on Punch Up. Six bucks. It's a good movie. Watch it, please.

Come see me alive in the road. We got... Is that me? Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to be at the Comics Roadhouse. with Paco, maybe, if he edits that video up nice and juicy. I'm going to be there April 17th and the 18th, one show Friday, two Saturday.

Then I'm going to Hilarities, May 15th and the 16th, and then I'm in New Orleans. I'm doing a little weird theater run down there at the Holland Wolf on the 22nd, and then the Crescent Theater on the 23rd. And then I'm in Austin. You know, I take the summer off. I'm doing the beautiful, awesome. Joe's soon-to-be home club, the mothership. That's right.

Get your tickets now for the mothership. If you're going to come see me. Get them for the weekend, too. Mark Norman will be there. July 3rd and July 4th weekend and the 5th. I'm going to do the other night too. So get your tickets for that. Go to punchup.org.com

to watch up. Live slash Robert Kelly for all my tour dates. Lewis. Come see me live on the road, guys. Your Creator Presents right on me this tour. My website is not down. Why does it? You're not the first person to say that, by the way. I will say,

Maybe it's down. It's down for some people. Just fucking weird. Louiswisganks.com. Lewisuskanks.com. It works for me. It does not work here. And I guess some people.

Come see me live on the road. This is coming out next week. Yeah, so Tacoma Comedy Club this weekend, March 12th, 13th and 14th. Then I'll be at Spokane Comedy Club on the 15th Sunday, one show only. The next week, or I'm sorry, the end of March, I'll be in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, at the Catercombs Cabaret, Detroit, Michigan. after that, St. Catharines, Ontario, Fort Myers, Florida, Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma, and more. Go to my website, Lewisofskanks.com, rattled me this tour, coming to a city near you. Check out all the other pods that I do, Legion of Skanks, Story Wars, Realast Podcasts,

podcast. Sign up for my mailing list. You get my solo podcast, the Lewis Journal podcast as well. And if you love this show, we do an uncensored and ad-free version of the show with pre-release on gasdigital.com. So if you really want to support the show, use the promo code Rags, R-EG-Z. It'll save you a couple bucks a month. We get a kickback on that, which is great, and you get access to thousands and thousands and thousands of hours of uncensored ad-free content. If you guys hate ads and you hate censorship, it's the number one place to go get great comedy podcasts.

You know what? My book right now is actually available. It's shipping. It's on Amazon. Go order knives and spoons right now on Amazon and tell me what you guys think. I think it's a pretty fun story and, you know, it's funny and sad at times, but I think you guys will dig it. Knives and Spoons. I bought it. I bought the Kindle version.

Who's going to play Lewis in the movie? Oh, that's great. Good casting. Who should it be? Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel now. Vin Diesel's so old. Now, as you young. The baby.

That's the artistic. Yeah, the artistic thing is him as you. Pull up young hot Latin actors. Well, I wouldn't be hot. No, put young. It was a chubby kid. Put chubby young Latino men. Who's the kid who plays

modern family of the fact? Yeah. He's too old now, though. How old is he now? He's like 38. Can we go back in time? Well, where's the bulk of the movie? Is it all childhood?

It's a lot of childhood. Yeah, it's like literally it's in order from my first memory. And then it ends with me, like me finding comedy, promoting comedy clubs. 9-11 happens. That's crazy. It's the third act. Yeah. What is the opening scene in the Knives and Spoons movie?

Opening shot. It's me sitting on a, it's me, it's three-year-old me sitting on a springload of rocking horse with dog shit all around the room. Oh, wow. my dog, Duky, my parents would let him shit. We called him, his name was Duky because he would shit everywhere. That's great. And it's my first memory. Not being able to get off the rocking chair. Because of all the poop?

Because of all the poop. The floor was truly lava? Covered in shit. Hot lava shit. It's a good way to, I mean, that is an open, that's a good opening shot. It's a very sad shot. Yeah, the movie's going to be a little bummer. I think we have to do Darren Arnovsky.

Someone like that can make it really sad. Yeah. Who would you have directed? it. Louis C.K. cut me from it. Every scene I'm cut out. Because I don't think we need Lewis for this. Who would direct a good Louis? Joe directed. Joe, why don't we make the Knives and Spoons movie?

Let's do it. Joe, an actual feature. All right. But make it low budget. Yeah. Very low. Shoot it on phones. Yeah. Shoot it on phones. Great. Stephen Soderberg. You were in a phone movie. No, we're saying like a Nokia. You should use You should use all comics as people in the movie. We could get Marcelo to play you. No, we can't.

No, you don't have that budget. I'm working that budget. Yeah, good point. He's white hot right now. We get fucking, like, fucking Gio Perez. That's fun. He's got a scarcress. Oh, yeah.

What about Rojo Perez? Rojo. Perez. Who would play your mother? Karen Feehan? That's a great choice. Good casting. It's a great choice.

Great casting. Isn't your mother? We write in a nude scene God damn, you're like, Mommy, why are you so hot? Just because I have to be. Damn, Lewis's mom had a real touch. Now, Karen Fehan will be a good casting for my mom. My father, we need like a dark skin Latino.

You just fucking tan me up. I'll be your dad. I love it. Yeah, I'll be the dad. Do you in blackface? Bobby blackface is my dad. But, black. Bobby shows it to his, like, reps, and they're like, you can't.

Reps. You're in full blacks. I'm going to show up to darks me. show it to dawn. Bobby, I can't book you like this. Bobby, I'm sending out these emails every night at the kitchen table. Yeah.

Well, they're really on it. These actors. Good job, guys. They pulled it right up. Who was it? 14 Latin X. Do images. Do image. I love that they use the term Latinx. Just do image.

No, because we want to see who their names are. Yeah, but you can click on the image. Oh, the chubby kid right there. Oh, yeah, right in the middle. Look at Lewis. Oh, that's none of them. We should get Fluffy to play him now. Oh, yeah.

Luis Guzman. We should get Luis Guzman. You can play my dad. That's kind of fun. Oh, that is fun. I want machete to be my father. Machete Danny Treheo? Machete.

That would be sick. Look at the kidney orange shirt up top. That gives me Lewis energy. I wasn't that chubby. I got chubby in like the third grade. I was skinny. You guys, I just got the new flavor of Capri's son. He's wearing my aunt.

Yeah. Guys, I just fucked the bear, but Janice walked there. Your sister walking it. That has got a busy scene in the, movie uh it's not it's not on the book you just fucking railing that little bear and your sister walking in and being like no yeah she just closed the door he's walking it jean he's walking in rico rodriguez that that's the kid from modern family right yeah yeah he's one of those kids that never grew up he's like he's almost he's almost 30 yeah he's like he got that webster shit he's got kids he's got a house

and he still looks like he did a mom yeah i'm running for congress and you go yeah i hate that he's from Texas like my son. Age nine, it's like Corey in the house. All right, guys, let's take a quick moment to thank Quince for supporting the show. We love Quince. I love my Quince gear that they sent me. They sent me a beautiful jacket, a beautiful sweater. My son stole my jacket for me, which is annoying.

That's how cool it is that even the kids want to wear it. When it comes to clothing, quality over quantity is the advice to live by. That's why I love Quince. Wardrobe staples to statement pieces. Quins clothes are well made, versatile, and built to last with high quality and fits for everybody. Everybody, every

body. Quince makes it easy to find something you'll use for years to come. Quince and Tarantino, I love Quince. They sent us some stuff. I'm wearing it all day every day. Not right now because I got my fucking USA baby gold medal. Quince partners directly

with ethical factories and top artisans like us. No middleman means you're getting top quality pieces without paying luxury price. Dance order. Tell them how to do it. Well listen up, Joe List. Right now, go to quince.com. with a Z and for free shipping on your order and a 365 day returns that's a full year to

wear it and love it and you will now available in Canada too don't keep settling for clothes that don't last go to Q you I and C C E that's quince.com slash regs for free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash regs you've been rigged all right let's talk about roast sparks which I'll tell you right now I sneak my row sparks and anytime I'm hook it up anytime I'm having a little bit sexy time, I take roast marks because it is a two-and-one prescription treatment for better, longer erections. They wish it would make my penis longer. That does not what it does.

They did use a word longer there, which made me feel bad about myself. They dissolve under your tongue and work in 15 minutes on average, which is a lot shorter than a lot of the competitors. And shorter, that's the way they describe my dick. So you can be ready whenever the moment arises, these are very specific words that they're using. Yeah, but you're also saying it like you're only have 15 seconds to get it all in. And another thing is it, and I'm hard right now.

And I could be hard if you needed it to. I cook some cocaine instead of my roast porks this morning. Oh, no, that wasn't sugar. That was cocaine. Everyone can have a great time bed. Look, you know what's up, man. We're getting older at this point. I'm 43 years old.

You have sex a few times with the same woman. It's just not working the same way after a little while. And you turned 44 a month from today. Oh, yesterday. Why you guys a kiss? Today's my first. Today's March 2nd. Oh, Joe was wrong.

Joe was wrong. But I know what your birthday is. Sure. Roe connects you with a medical provider 100% online, April 7th. Sixth. Sixth. Same thing. We're a day late, dollar short, baby. With a medical provider 100% online, so you don't go to the doctor and have an awkward conversation.

Your dick isn't getting hard? Hey, Doc, my dick is good. You look at this. You get to wiggle it, and he's like, I got the right thing for it. Let's do that again. Yeah, well, look at it. Nurse, could you give us a second? Hang on one second.

You know, it's great. about these doctor pants that they come right off. Treatments ship discreetly. It really is great. It comes right to your door in discrete packaging. So your chick, if you're trying to pretend that you're just really attracted to her like I do, you just take it and she's like, wow, you really are.

You're an animal. You're a mastodon. You go, see you think we want to go to the bedroom? Or are you like a Nazi spy and have a fake tooth and it's in your tooth? Like a cyanide pill? Hydra. I only take these on the road.

Oh, okay. Just for the hotel? Just for a jerk session. It's nice. He's letting ghosts in the hotel know that Bobby still gets brick. My hand feels great about itself. He goes, oh, you like me so much. You have to sneak it from your hand.

There's nothing worse than when you don't get yourself as hard as you can possibly get. Oh, my God. That is a sad day. Connect right now at row.com slash regs, R-G-Z, to find out if a prescription for Roe sparks is right for you. And if you use that link, you're going to get $15 off for new patients. So right now, once again, that's row.com slash regs. R.O.c. To find out if R.O.S.R.S.

It's right for you. Sparks is a compounded drug product. Compounded drugs are permitted to be prescribed under federal law but are not FDA approved and do not undergo FDA safety effectiveness or manufacturing review. For safety information, go to R.O.com slash safety info. So good.

Did you ever watch... Jew? Did you ever watch the bombs fall on the schools in Iran? Hello. Hello. It was fun. They killed the kids. It was wonderful. We murdered children and I ran. I ran so far away.

I wish they would have ran. A little flogazegals. Over hey, bush, bush, bush. Did you see this clip? Someone made Trump into the lead singer of Flogazil playing the song? I thought it was funny that the USA hockey visited him at the State of the Union

and the White House put out a video of Kachuk being like, fuck Canada, maple syrup drinking fuckers. And it was AI. And Kachuk was in Ottawa the next day. He goes, that wasn't me. That wasn't me. That was AI. The White House put it out.

He's like, I swear to God, I didn't say that. He goes from hanging out. He's like, you guys are my best friends in the world. We're at the state of the union. He goes back to Ottawa and they're like, what the fuck? He's like, what happened? And like, just he'd a video? They immediately turned them on.

They immediately turned on them. Hold on, sorry, guys. I stopped paying attention to my girlfriend sending me villas in Bali right now. Oh, no. Guess the regs are going on for another year. What's that name? Guys get ready for four days a week of the rest. Four days a week of a day and body brain coffee.

And he goes, He's got his hook up. Three heads per show. Hey guys. We all have to hold body brain coffee. This sip of body brain's brought to you by body brain. Wait, I don't get it. What does it mean?

She's moving? She's a dick to vacation. She, by the way, literally, before she met me, her best vacation was in fucking the Jersey Shore. Yeah, one time I stayed down at the Marriott by the airport, but this is pretty sweet. And now she's like, I was looking it up and I don't think Bolly Bolly's that man. Bolly's cheap, though. Is it really? It's cheap, yeah.

Where's Bali? Next to Central America Asia Near the Philos It's got an E at the end So God only knows No, no, don't look it up. Let's try to pull up a world map

And see if we could figure out where Bali is I was thinking of Bora Bora. You're Bora boring It's good No, Bali is B-A-L-I Yeah, yeah B-A-L-L-I B-A-L-L-I

It's over by It's by the world map Let's see Joe, stop cheating Joe Stop cheating, Joe. Stop cheating on your wife You don't know what Bali is. Bolly would.

Bolly would if she could. It's got to be over there. All right, hold on. Make it bigger. I'm going to say, somewhere down there. I'm far right. What are you,

Fifle? Somewhere down. That's Australia. I bet I could name the most. Me and Dana from the exact same generation. I didn't realize that movie was about Jews. Oh, yeah. Don't ruin a classic for me.

Fifell is it's an alien. No, he's Jewish. Fifele, the mouse is Italian. Holocaust, dude. It's a Holocaust movie. Bolly is definitely over there. Bolly's over in that area. Good for him.

We're going to say Bolly is in here. Yeah. I'm going to say Bolly's up. Is that Australia? Yeah, that's Australia. Yeah, it's somewhere in there, dude. That's Hawaii. I'm going to say Bolly is not on the map at all.

That might be. I think that's Hawaii. I think that's Hawaii. Hawaii is not on this map. Hawaii is right there. Hawaii's out here. Yeah, but if you go around, that's there, dumb, dumb. I think Bali's in Central America.

No, this is not Hawaii. This is Bali right here. No, that's not Bali's up over there. And the little islands in there. Where, hold on. Indonesia. In here? See that island right in there?

It's in there somewhere. All right, now let's see where it is. Yeah, Bali is like between Indonesia, Philippines. Just circle it on that map. Bali on a map. Paco, your family's from Bali. That's what I said. It's Paco country.

Bali on a map. Oh, look at that, dude. Nope, I'll take you for like 300 bucks a night. You can get a crazy-java. Uh-oh. Hold on. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

I was way off. I mean, we were talking about like, I was right. No, you weren't. That was right in there. I was so off. God, I'm going to kill myself. I want to go to Yoki Karka. Yogiakarka.

Yeah, dude. I want to go to Jukarka. Look up Yogiakarka and see how much hotels are there. Send your girlfriend that. Do a little pango with her. She goes, I've never even thought about Yogiakaka. Well, I was going to mention one time. go to Bali. Everyone want to go to Bali. Every time I've seen

people go to Bali, it looks fucking awesome. Yeah. You're going to get one of those hushed on the water? Yeah. Where you jump right in the ocean? Oh, it's on the water. It's like fucking a lot of money. No, it's not. No, you're thinking of Fiji? No.

Fifeu Mouskowitz. His name's Vifold Mouskowitz. I forgot it's Mouskowitz. He's absolutely Jewish. He's fleeing to America to get away from the Holocaust. Holy shit. The holocaits. I thought he was just in a little Italian. I thought he was a little Italian mouse. I thought he's like,

I thought his name was like, Fifle, Spugga little tool. Hey, you know, things ain't going well with Mussolini. I'm walking out of. I'm going west. That makes Fifle goes west even funnier. It's only $10 a night.

What does it say? What? It says, I can't look how stupid I am. Oh, yeah, $20 to $4 for a luxury. Dude, I'm telling you right now. Dude, Yogi Akarga is the where to go. Pull up some images of hotels or, like,

go to Expedia and see Yogi Akaada. I'm going to start doing map games because that was embarrassing. That I thought, Bob, where it was. Let's see, you'll get a car. Look at this, dude. You probably get a fucking. Expedia. Dot com.

Look at this shit. Nobody goes there, dude. $37 a night. That's insane. There's a reason why people don't know. That takes two months to get there. I should also let you know a warlord runs the Marriott. Yeah, you have to take a pirate ship to the island.

Look at this. He goes, and your girl's ear is the down payment. The Marriott's $97 a night. This is wild. That's for a reason, dude. What do you mean the reasons? Nobody goes there. It's not because they believe in deals.

Yeah, dude. The reason why they have to figure it. No, you go to some places. Five bucks, just please make it. Look at five stars. 9.4 exceptional. Look at Hotel Tentrum. Click on it and click on one of the rooms.

See, like, the suite. Look, nine point four. No, no, down there to get there. Right there. No, no. Tentrum. He said the word. Tentrum.

Look at the fucking word. I'm going to throw a tantrum. And go down to the rooms. Have you never traveled, Paco? No, he came here and stayed. He's doing three things at once. Paco, I'm sorry for the mistreatment of you and all your people. Look, look, let's see if there's like a suite with a private pool.

That's like a Hilton. Clicked on it. It's pretty nice, dude. Executive suite. That's all right. You're looking right. If someone else was doing this, Lewis would be like, this is not good podcast. It's great podcast.

It's great podcast. Because he's getting a boner because he's thinking about all the soap sheets. We're just scrolling websites. If people that are listening, can't even see it. Joe, so few people listen to the show. I think a lot of people at this point I mean the vast majority of people are here for Lewis's looks they want my face

smoky lips that's not really traveling though that's vacationing you know I've traveled Guatemala Cuba Brazil I went to different places The fuck are you talking about you're not a fur trap I've been all over Europe He goes on vacation That fancy nice tropical places

Yeah what do you mean that's a that's traveling That's a vacation literally the definition of travel It's not you go to fancy places I don't think there's a difference between vacationing and travel. Cuba is traveling. That's like a hard place to get to. So what if you go to a nice hotel of Cuba? I had a nice place. I stayed

in a casa of somebody's house. It was great. That's crazy. There's not travel. Wasn't there a power outage? Yeah, there was a hurricane went through and we didn't have fucking water or electricity. Sounds awful. That's traveling. That's not traveling. Look at this. Only two thousand

Four. Forty hours. That's a fuck. That's two days. Three stops. Two days of traveling. Three stops. That's why it's $97 for a five-star hotel. Please go there. I would love to.

If you flew out of Boston, it would only be two stops. Oh, okay. Also, you're going LaGuardia? LaGuardia doesn't fly international. Why are you doing that? Go to JFK, bro. Oh, you just chose. You'd go to Newark.

First of all, I'd be going from my local airport. This is enthralling. We're just planning. Oh, my God. It's more money for you. from newer. I needed to buy time for a cookie. Fair. I'm budded my time.

That's the kind of guy. I'm no regretting when I'm sad in. So is she texting you places like, hey, take me like, or just like, hey, this is fun. Well, I was saying I wanted to go to Bali and then she didn't even heard of Bali. She's like, what? I mean, she probably knows where it is

on a map more than I do. She probably gets closer than I got. I got it. I want to, yeah, but I'm not like a year or two. Oh, you told her? You go, cool down period starts. No, no, no, I'm going to, I'm going to Mexico in two weeks. In two weeks?

What the fuck, bro. You're going on another vacation? We're doing the gas digital trip. What the fuck, bro. I've never met anybody who goes on more vacations. Instead of vacation, it's a retreat. It's probably my... It's...

What the fuck? Why do we let it mind fucking? There's a trip. There's a fucking mind fucking. They go, Lewis takes off a lot. You go, you're looking at it wrong. Yeah. It's a difference between a retreat.

treat a getaway a vacation. That's where he mind-fucks Paco and the rest of the staff. They have to sit and listen to him, tell them, listen to the eye of the god. Say it again. No, we do. They're karate lines. Gas digital number one.

Say it again. Gas digital number one. Ralph, take over the class. There's 22 people going this time. The villa's fucking is Danny and Joe going? No, I told them if they wanted real jobs, they can work with us. But they're too busy. Hustling. They literally turn me They were like, no, we don't want to work for you.

And then you thought they, you thought they reversed. You thought Joe was dating and Danny was Joe? You fucking idiot. But Pacco, I told him this year, if he comes back and says, I made him sleep outside, I'm going to fucking break his fingers. Paco, you better, you better really weigh on,

you better lean on him when you go on vacation to go, you know, until the guys, you're making me sleep outside. You get everybody gets their own bedroom? Never went to their own, they get their own bed, not bedroom. There's one, there's one room that has five beds in it. That's a orgy Or a hostile Yeah

What the fuck Well it's a giant villa I mean it's fucking beautiful Like the villa is out of this world So beautiful Take pictures Take pictures Paco Real pictures

Not website pictures No it's real This is real deal This is nice And we're going to Mexico Which is you know Is everybody It's currently burning

Does everybody have It's going pretty good there You know I heard It's real safe real good Does everybody have to wear the same outfits Do you give them like Gas Digital outfits To wear

Put on your road The only team building exercise we do is we do a talent show that we make all the staff. Why is this not available? No, why can't we see it? We film it every year. It's the most uncomfortable thing. It's me, Ralph and Frank, judging it like it's America has got talent. So we make them do talent.

That's so funny, they go on vacation, they still have to perform. Yeah. They have to. We need content. It's 100% mandatory. You're going away, but don't relax. You're on in five. Yeah.

We do that. We gamble a little bit. Well, it's fun. We get fucked up. You gamble by them fighting each other, and you bet. Well, me and Pop, me and Harrington are bringing our boxing gear, and we know people are going to get so drunk

that everyone's going to start jumping in and fighting each other. I hope Shannon knocks everyone out. Wasn't Harrington fired at one point? Is he back? He was fired as a producer. He's a terrible producer, but he still works with merch. He still works with a handful of other things that he just wasn't good at producing.

Do you guys get your merch payouts? I did. Nice. I made a while he reached out. You reached out. I got the money. Nice. There is.

This is the talent show? This is Harrington. Which you can have audio for. Joe. Let's see. Yeah. This is audio. Oh,

this is. This is Harrington and Tom. As Bert and Ernie. They didn't think of anything beyond just the outfits. No way. I swear to God. Oh, God. You look kind of excited for today and stuff?

Oh, of course. Oh, of course. I'm very excited to be here. This is a Herring's an idea because he could do it Okay, Ernie. That's a pretty good Ernie. Oh, he picked up the mic.

It sounds like all right. Just say all right next time, please. Oh, God. It's so uncomfortable. It's like that really terrible. There's one girl who's got crippling autism. Just have her count quick. Just throw a math problems at her.

Becca has crippling autism. I don't know. Make her fucking, you know, like do clay formations. It's like you have to pack that outfit when you're going to vacation. Honey, did I get my bird? Tom had to have to pack a pack.

eyebrows. Becca. What is she doing? She Kelly Koppowski? Is she doing stand-up? What is her talent? I don't even remember. Oh, she had to make eye contact.

That's really funny. She was making eye contact with everyone for two seconds. Shannon throwing her under the bus. Okay. Is there any any? Two. Okay.

This is the talent show. That's hilarious. A hilarious talent show is that I'm autistic and I'll make eye contact with you for two minutes. I love the exposed fire extinguisher in the corner. Yeah, they go, Dadeo for problems. They're right there for them. All of their problems. We're excited, though.

Mexico's going to be sick. Yeah. It sounds fun. Yeah, we're going to Cabo. Ooh. Aha. How can we don't go to Acapoco anymore? You always heard.

Like Acapulco. You get beheaded. They fucking, all the gangs are there. They fucking friends. Really? Heads on the beach. Yeah.

Accoco was like one of the go-to play. Like, when you watch old TV, the Ficococoe, there was a whole show about it. Cabos were like all the rich actors go. Cabo is like a party town. Like,

it's like all like old sluts who used to be hot. Ooh. Yeah. Acapope is not considered safe for traffic. I went to Cabo with, you rent the big villa on the beach and shit, but the waves you'll get fucking hurt. Oh, that's serious travel.

That's real traveling right there. was traveling. Were you vacationing? No, that was vacationing. Was it a getaway? That was a vacation. It was Dane did it for after the tour. Dane,

Cook. Cook. There we go. And then Jamie Massada went, which was uncomfortable. Oh, man, your boss on a vacation? He goes, buddy, I got everybody. Yeah, that's what everyone's doing with Lewis.

He goes, buddy, I got everybody left factory swim trunks. Put them on. So we all put them on. They were just box of shorts. So we came out of the water. you just see our fucking... Got you. He's this homo?

Got you. You walked right into that and no extra spots. For you, tiny. Put it in my hand. See how many spots you get next week. The waves are so fucking big on the beach that you can't swim.

And we made Jay Davis go in and do it. And I have a photo on it where it is. You ever see when the wave comes up is so big but you can see the shark shadow in the wave? You can just see Jay Davis's shadow in the wave and he gets just gets

swapped on the beach. The waves will kick the shit out of it. Me and Gary Gellman going to do a big fight in the jacuzzi about fucking Obama or some shit. Really? Yeah,

we were like nose to nose. Then we hugged. It was over. In the hot? You were nose to nose? He's seven feet tall. I was on nose to belly. You were nose to penis?

That was his dick, Bobby. He has to stand up. I was sucking it. Yeah. I'm gonna tell you right now. Oh, that was like you got white snot coming out of his nose.

That was a little. Dane's brother was there too before all the bullshit. I remember I looked over and I saw his watch. I was like, that's a nice watch. He goes, yeah, yeah. He goes, don't tell Dane. Yeah, cool watch. Keep it between us. Also, I'll buy you one. That's why my sister can't be my manager because she

was fucking Dane Cook's brother me. She really would. Yeah, she goes, Lewis, I'm sorry, Skanks is making zero dollars. She was my assistant for one day. I was like, she needed a job. I was like, you could be my assistant. I need an assistant part time, right? I gave her my credit card to have the information. She went food shopping and filled up her fucking fridge with my credit card. It's great.

Day one. She's like, what, I'm not supposed to eat? I was like, this is crazy. Great. It's insane. Hey, folks, we got a new sponsor. It's not even a new sponsor. We've had them for a while. I love these guys.

One person that works for us was criticizing these chips, and I went to bat. You did. You stuck up for Masa. I love Masa chips, and I'm not just saying that. My wife was having them yesterday. We got them all over the house. We were just in Austin. We came back with all kinds of salsa, queso.

We love it. And we're using our Masa chips. Mastat chips taste amazing and they only have three ingredients. Corn, sea salt, and 100% grass-fed beef tallow. I don't know what any of that means, but I know they're delicious. No mystery chemicals, just real food because massive chips are made with real ingredients. You feel fuller, longer, and keep snacking all day. And I just want to say that before I kick it over to Dan, I don't know anything about that.

I didn't notice any of this. I don't care about this. You just got a box of it and then you're on board. They're just good chips. Yeah. I open them up. They taste delicious. They're not flimsy or flabby.

They're just good quality chips. They got good crunch. I don't need all this scientific language. You can tell them about it if you want. These are good chips, and you can support the show by buying them from us. They also come in six flavors. You got original, lime and churro or three.

And if you already love Mossa, check out their sister company, Vandy Crisps. Pick up some of their amazing three-ingredient potato chips. Ready to give Masa a try? Go to Mossachips.com slash regs with a Z and use code regs for 25% off your first order. You could also click the link in the video description or scan the QR code to claim the delicious offer. Back in 2019, my mom, the family of my mom was a nanny for, like the kid got older,

so they didn't need her as a nanny. And she was like, I don't know what I'm going to do. And I was like, I don't know. She's like, I'm like really bored. Can I book your travel? And I was like, yeah, you used to be like a corporate trainer. You'd travel all over the place. No. One trip was me going to Montreal to Scotland. She booked the worst trips I've ever seen to my life. I was like, why did you book me a 12-hour flight from Montreal to double. And she went, it was cheaper. I don't give a shit about cheap. What are you doing?

I'm trying to fly there. My return flight from Scotland to New York, she booked it Scotland to Oslo, Norway, Norway to JFK. I looked it up. There was a direct from Scotland to JFK. I was like, what did you? I had to cancel all the flights and rebook them. Paco, when he was driving, Paco put his GPS on.

I was going to take it's like eight hours to get him from Pittsburgh. What's going on? He was like, oh, you want to pay tolls? I was like, yes, I want to pay tolls. You're like, your fucking mind? It's the same thing. You go, I just want to get there. I just want to fucking get there.

I'm going to save the corporate extra three hours. Leader, Alpha. No one's ever booked any travel for me. No, I don't have any booked my travel either. My tour management company would book my travel for me, but I don't trust anybody to... My elderly mother needed something to do. Like, I want a window, but sometimes you go like, art, there's no window available, but is it worth it? There's a lot of nuance to how you like to travel.

First out, baby. First out, first thing's smoking. And Don books all my travel. I used to have my agent book my shit, and they get a day. different assistant every three months. And then they fuck it up every time. You have to teach a new guy. Oh, you fly first class? Yes, I fly first class. Yes, thank you very much. Travel Asian.

But when your wife books, she's always a nickel chaser. You know, it's like, what is she a chaser? Nickel. Oh, sorry. Talk about Dawn here. She's one of those, too, I think. But she, yeah, she'll always book comfort plus. I'd be like, dude, first class was $260 more. Yeah. She's like, you're fine. Oh, off. It's good. Yeah.

I book my own shit. You're a real leader. But I also feel like I book my flights the day before I leave. But isn't your manager? You have a manager, right? You have a manager. I don't want them booking the flights because they always go like, this is a fun.

We can fly on this airline and this. You go Delta first out. Yeah. I just don't understand the manager book because doesn't the manager still send you the options and then you pick the option? No. It's the same as doing it on the app. Oh, I just book it on my app.

That's what I mean, though. But people that have their manager book, I'm like, doesn't it? Because managers are, they act like they're never. They're necessary, so they just want to do every little thing that doesn't really fucking matter. You want me to chew your food and then you can swallow it? I don't think I need that. That's how we do it in my family. Yeah.

Back in the day, you needed a manager. Bird joke. Before apps, they had a travel agent. They always had a travel agent. Like, Barry Katz had a travel agent that worked with all his clients. That's the rub. They just went to that. You didn't, booking a flight back in early 2000 was like impossible.

A phone call? Yeah. It was crazy. It was nuts. It was a airline. Yeah. It's crazy when you watch old movies. And they're like, I'll just buy a ticket at the airport.

I'll just go to the airport and I'll buy a ticket for the flight. That's crazy. Yeah, I remember JFK, you had a wait out. The ticket count and it was right by the door and there was like a small area. So you had to wait outside to go in and check. But you could also smoke a cigarette and flight attendants. Oh, I remember that. I smoked in line getting on a plane once.

Oh, that was great. Oh, my God. Smoking on a plane would be crazy. I smoked on a plane. I've never, you smoked on a plane? When I was 15, when I was shipping me back, from jail. They were shooting me from jail in Rochester

to jail in Boston. Remember when he lived Conair? Remember when they flew him back on a con air? Dude, I was like, and there was all these snakes on the plane. And I said, dude, it's Christmas and you're at, you go, are you doing DiHard motherfucker?

They had to fly me back because I was a ward to the state of Boston, so they couldn't keep me up there. They had to ship me to D.YS in Boston. So they took me To ship you to Boston? They wrote that song about him. They go, I've been a

alcoholic since I was 12. And I was on the plane and I asked the flight attendant, stewardess at the time ago, do you have a light? And she went and got me a light and I lit up a fucking marble red. You mind unhooking these? I didn't have handcuffs. They're mighty uncomplicated. They actually had two state troopers waiting for me right at the gate of the door.

And I was like, hey, thank you. She's like, bye. And I just put my hands behind my back. That's crazy. And they took me away. And you were hot. This story's crazy. Yeah, 15.

This story's out of control. Whatever, dude. Did it keep smoking a cigarette on a plane. The fact that you're old enough to have. that story is crazy bonkers yeah i remember like smoking cigarettes in the diner that's nice like that was like my my right after high school like fucking when they first moved to nashville i went down there to do a show and uh we were we did an open mic at a bar thank you and i was sitting at the bar waiting for a beer and i looked over and the guy was smoking and it fucked me up i like couldn't

process it because i still smoked cigarettes and i went what are you doing the guy's like smoking a cigarette i was like you can smoke in this is 2010 2010 2000 You could smoke in, like, what was that, Netherlands there? Yeah, you could smoke at the airport in Europe until recently. Oh, yeah. You could smoke there. Europe, they give you cigarettes for your baby. Yeah, put you in his mouth.

Remember the kid. It's a good baby, so he would become. Burger King had those silver cardboard ashtrays. Yeah, they put on. Paper ashtrays. You could sit with your burger. You can still get a smoking room in Vegas. They have a smoking floor.

I bet that's not the new hotels. At the Rio, yeah. They were like, you want a smoking room? I was like, I'll take a smoking room because I smoke cigars. The loneliest thing I've ever done is in my room. The whole fucking floor stinks. It sucks. It's disgusting. God, at airport, sometimes there's smoking rooms.

Tucson used to have a room where you go smoke. Oh, yeah, they still have them. You open it, yeah. Atlanta was the worst because if you looked up, the ceiling tiles were all yellow. I saw a lady, she left her baby out in front of the glass and came in and had a quick butt. Tampa has a smoking room. They have an outside. Oh, yeah, that like area up there.

Yeah, go outside. But I looked. I was like, I used to have one, and I smoked in LaGuardia airport. Fucking breakdance, Nazis, salute. Boob, boom, boom.

Liguadia Airport, I smoked, they had a little, they had a little, like, bar, and you could go smoke. You had to get a drink. That's great.

Do you smoke, too. When I used to smoke cigarettes, it was the best. Bobby's like, when I was in Alcatraz, that they let me smoke. Got understand something, Birdman.

Birdman was saying to me, Dave, you kept smoking in this jail. Aruba. So there it was on Shutter Island, smoking a cigarette. Do you guys remember Attica? I was there, kid. I created the riot in Attica.

Aruba still has a smoking thing at the airport. Really? Yeah, they have a bar. Just don't ask about Natalie Holloway. And you can smoke there. Just don't ask about that sweet, sweet girl that got her headcrime. You go to Jamaica. You could probably smoke pretty much anywhere.

Yeah. Bring that back. I don't mind it. There was a thing where it's like, I remember when they made the smoking ban. I was a smoker at the time. And I was kind of going like, well, why not just give the business owners the choice to make it a smoking business or a non-smoking business. There's like enough of a market of people

that don't want to smell smoke. It's insane that the thought of a smoking section and a non-smoking section could ever be a thing. Every diner did, the diner you'd fucking open the door. Comedy clubs. I remember the comedy connection in Boston. Oh, I smoked at a comedy club. Since I performed, I've smoked a comedy club. Tucson

is not too many places. A plane was the worst. Yeah, that's great. It's a two. A plane is fucking nuts. Their laughs, Tucson. You could smoke. You could smoke all the time, but then the Saturday early show was the non-smoking show, and you're like, it still smells like cigarettes in it. When I went to Buffalo at a certain point out of the city, one of the carts turned smoking. Everybody just went to that cart and smoked.

That's why no one socializes anymore, because no one's out having cigarettes. And they're back. Cigarettes are back in a big way. They fell off completely, and now cigarettes are fucking back. A lot of young people smoke cigarettes again. It's interesting. smoking peaked in 1997. High school smoking or a teenage smoker.

We were all in the middle of high school. I was already smoking by then. I started smoking in 95. Bobby on his third job. I was smoking when you could go. I used to buy my mother's cigarettes at like eight. Oh, when I was five, I went to Jose's deli, and it was like a straight shut up Benson Street.

It was on the corner of Ben's Street in Railroad Avenue. Is this the second scene in the movie? No, but it should be. I remember go to Hose B's deli. And my mom would go, and she would have me get this, she would write me a note. To get the cigarettes on credit. Not only would I have to get her cigarettes,

but I'd have to get them on credit. And they just wouldn't tell a kid no. And then what kind of cigarettes were they? Marlboro Reds. Oh, cowboy killers. Cowboy killers. There's two packs a day. My mom would smoke.

That's what my dad's was. And literally as she got cancer, she never stopped. Not for a minute did she stop. My dad's liver was failing, and they were like, you can't leave? And then he was like, can I get up and go smoke a cigarette?

And they're like, I guess you can wheel the thing out. Don's mother, smoked. They said, she goes, I'm going on home on hospital. She's dying. Yeah. And she would smoke. They had to cover half her table where she sat with tinfoil. She would just fall asleep.

She kept falling asleep and just the cigarette would just be on the table. Oh, yeah. My mom's whole mattress was covered. There was a little cigarette burn. She was on methadone. So she would just smoke and then zonk out and almost light her bed on fire. Can I tell you right now? I know it was very sad.

It was a horridious. But the thought of being on methadone and then taking that sweet drag where you just go like... That's probably the best feeling in the world. Dude, then you got your kid going, Mom, you're asleep. And she goes, oh, fuck. Oh, it's probably, you watching Nick at Night on methadone while smoke the cigarettes. It's heaven. Throw me a night court with a heavy John Lyrichette episode.

And I'm just, I'm just fucking, I'm just sober. I'm like, I'm sober a long time, you know, and I'm very grateful to be sober. My life is improved. But one time I was in Iraq for a tour or whatever. With Nate? And I brought Vicod in. It's a famous picture in the creek. We got, yeah, which was.

borrowed by but I had a Vicodin with me. I took a Vicodin and then they sold Cubans at the fucking base. Sure. And then I bunched my buddy Brendan Holbrook from high school and they had snuck beers into their thing. He was in the army. And I had like three beers, a Viking

and a Cuban. And through years of sobriety and spirituality, I've never felt as good as a Vicodin, a Cuban in like three. And I'd be like, you know this scene in the Shawshank where they get their two beers on the roof? Yeah. For the roofing dude.

That moment where it's just like in the sun, you're like, oh, that seems great. A pain killer and a couple of pops. I'm fucking cruising. I was like, this is great. Dude, every like inside. Insatam Hussein's palace is fucking up. Oh my God. And you're like, you got cigar buzz pain killer beer.

It had to be so good. It was nice and warm. We had fucking taken over the nation. Moken cigarettes was the best. It's the best. I remember when. Everyone right now. was listening to this and be like, I need a cigarette right now.

Joe and I would meet up sometimes when I get off work from Dos Caminos before we'd go do sets. And we'd go to like these fucking Irish bars and just have a couple. And the best was having like a shot in two beers and then be like, Joe, I'll be right back. And just going out and smoking a cigarette and just talking to a random lady that's outside smoking.

I used to go home late at night. It's very friendly. After my cellar spots and Dawn would always be up. And we would just sit around the table in the living room smoking butts all night long. We'd play cards. we'd fucking have coffee and just smoke. So fucking cool.

The pack of cigarettes. Remember the cartons? I bought all the car. I remember when I quit? I gave you and... I was so poor. Yeah. And DeRosa tried fighting for some.

Yeah. I was so poor. You go, Don and I are quitting. We got a whole freezer full of cigarettes. And I don't even think he hung up the phone before I was out of his house. Yeah. With a backpack.

And I was like, put him in. Put him in. Five cartons. It was, it was parliament lights and the camel black with the pink that were all white. And I was like, please put him in my backpack. Camel crushes? Yes. No, he did have camel...

That's Iron Sheiks finisher. Yeah. You remember the fat camels? Yeah, Camel whites. Camel whites were crazy. Those are great. Camel lights were my smoke. Then I started banging and I took him with some quorum on a light, so then that became my cigarette.

Coke cigarettes. I did Merits. Those were all for Coke heads. I did Merritt. Remember Merritt? Oh, Merritt. Look, my aunt smoked. Aunt Betty.

You and Aunt Betty. By the way. Can I say you something? Can I tell you something? Betty and Uncle Bob. Alpha leadership, never smoke, they never got me. At some point, you guys all... Look, because you can't fit them in your mouth.

Yeah. They actually fit perfectly in his mouth. Yeah. At some point, all of you were like, oh, okay, I'll do that. Gug, gul, gul, guh, gul. Yeah, I mean, you did fight it in and everything else. Is that how you think you smoke? You go, go, go, go, guh, guh. Well, is it not like cock?

Yeah, no, it got me. Got me. Got me for... I was two packs a day for, like a decade. I turned your skin all brown. I'm not Puerto Rican. I'm an ashtray. I like some back. I wish you should. I wish you could turn it on and turn it off. I'd love to go on vacation.

If I smoked one cigarette, it would be that. But vacation. Sarah does it. Sarah smoked a few times. We went to 30 years. Girls can do it. Girls will get drunk with their friends. Let me just get one.

They all stand the same. Yeah, yeah. DePaula would do it too. He'd smoke on the road, one cigarette. I did lucky strikes. Did not filter. You were so old. It's crazy.

You were rolling. No, no, no. He's like, dude, I had it in my t-shirt. He'd roll up. He was going to stand to soches. They were the rich kids. I did used to roll my cigarettes up on my shirt. I got it to the point where I had

Cigarette Cases Like where you'd open it up Had the lighter built in Damn, you did get a lot of pussy He opened a cigarette case And he went Robert Nice to meet you Yeah I wish I wish I could

Like if I could just smoke one Like when I finished my book Like fucking misery Like misery when he fucking Hold on I'm reading it right now You never read misery? No You never watched the movie?

No And I'm halfway through the book right now My son's currently reading misery as well I know he started a book club He's living in misery Me and James He's living in of Missouri is great.

How great would this podcast be right now? I do a five-hour podcast. If we would just smoke and bucks. We can't. Katie and I literally have a rule that if boots are on the ground for a foreign war, we're going to start smoking, we're so close. I'm getting DMs where people are like,

boots are underground and have to write back. It's not boots on the ground. We're doing air strikes. Because the second boots are on the ground is going to be a fucking camel light hanging out the corner of my fucking mail. Camel light. Camel blues now is what they call it

for all the, for the Gen. For the Gen Z's of avocado toast. Mabro Red. Mabro Red. You would smoke one and go, that's too much. Camelite come right in perfect. What about when they had the American spirits

and we all thought they were healthy? Dude, I did a, I went through a beer, like festival in Fort Collins when American spirits were new and they were handing them out, the yellow and the blues, and I got 20 packs. I was blackout drunk and I got 20 packs,

and I smoked them all day, and I woke up the next day, I was like, what the fuck are these? Because it's real tobacco. It was a thing. where cigarettes were getting crazy expensive in New York and they would send out promoters

like to bars. Yeah. Like you want to buy one, get one free coupon. Those buy one get one free coupons. You could take them. You can go to CVS or Dwayne Reed. It would work.

Not only would it work, you could say, hey, just scan it and get, it'll work for a free pack. You don't even have to buy it. That's genius. And if you just, all you had to do was convince the person

because they didn't give a shit. Be like, oh, by the way, it's a free, it says buy one, get one, just scan it, watch it. I'll show you. They're not going to charge.

they go, all right, here. So I had like, just booklets of them. I would talk them up and I'd like, dude, here's comedy club tickets. Let me get some of your comic tickets. Genius idea. We're all going to fucking be on drugs and smoking again after the podcast.

Dude, it's like fucking madman. I never thought I'd be comfortable buying secondhand cigarettes or like black market cigarettes. Then you moved to New York City and you're like, I need to find a hookup. Because people would come into bars. I need to find a black guy outside of a belly.

I used to go down to South Carolina, North Carolina. Anytime I, that's where I got all those cartons. Anytime we went down to North Carolina, I would just load up on cartons. It was like $2 a pack. It was like $8 a carton. Do you remember the Asian lady at,

I don't remember. What did you sound like? Fifth and second. Oh, what are you also? Oh, what? On comedy's a second language. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yes. Not about that late. No, Joe. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yes, I remember. She would come in and I'd be like, I love you so much. Let me get Camelites.

And she'd be like, you don't love me. And I would have like a little. The black dude that used to come here. I used to buy cigarettes from him. Still her. She shows up once. Once. once a week. I saw him last week here.

With a trash bag. Yeah. And he would just hand me my cigarettes. Because by the way, all the waiters would buy it, all the comics would buy it. Big Jay Hook introduced me that guy when I first started working at the cellar. He was my man. He would hand me three camel lights, packs of camel lights, and I didn't do exactly how much money. He's going to go smoke.

Oh, my God. I miss smoking. It's so, it's the best. The last day of Skangful, so smoke one cigarette. I can't. I can't. Because Katie Too much of an addict. Katie wants to come back with me And I'm bringing her with me Because that...

If Dan and Katie smoke, I'm smoking. All right. I'll smoke. I will literally... I will literally let you know. And I might. I'll tell her. Yeah, there's something...

Now they're bringing it back in the movies. People are smoking now. They took it out of everything for a long time. You know what else? I'm back to hot chicks and commercials. Oh, thank God, yeah.

Hot chicks and commercials are back in a big way. Like, we had a dark period for a few years where it was just fat, fucking lesbians. Dark period? They're fat black lesbians. It was like non-binary

fucking, queers and fruits and fucking that was everything dude it'd be like a fucking it'd be like a home in like an ADT commercial and just like a trans lesbian it's like you know they're breaking into a house no they're not yeah dude it's

uh hawkerels in commercials so bad because those are all just only fan commercials now target is fucking the models of targets are fucking disgusting if you walk through a target like there's be a picture of an ugly lady on the wall like what is this did she try to rob this place no because they're not a time when I like the fat mannequins

at DXL. You grab their shoulders. Hey, brother. Hey, brother. Thanks for holding on to those pants for us. Really giving us faith in it. I don't know if they're laughing at me or at something else. I farted and he's already upset about it.

That's great. See, I knew it. You can tell you laugh. Did you fart or did Danny fart? Danny, you can't fart. I didn't fart. How can you? Producers can't fart.

Oh, look at this. It's a Target ad. Yeah. Oh. So what is the targeted? for me to get my dicks off. I wish she put a target on her forehead and shoot her in the fucking head. I don't know.

The one second from the left though, I would. Second from the left. Far left I would. Far right I would. Far right I would. And second from the left. I just realized that this is the female rigs. Oh my God.

I'm the one in the red bikini. Bobby's a little short budgie one. Fucking gel on the left. That's Dan all fierce on the right. Oh, I'm just serving. Put that out and someone has to put our faces on that. Sorry, bitch. Use that to vote for us.

I'm working. I'll swing my bag at your fucking head. I'll take your goddamn head off. Which one is Joe? Which one is Joe? The weird belly. Joe, you got a weird belly. That's Joe's mouth right in the middle of her belly.

Look. Oh. You would be the leader. Yeah. Remember it was just all hot chicks all the time. Never. Well, it was something to aspire to. You're like, oh, I want to be good looking and I want to fucking try to fuck hot models.

I would love to be a hot model. Well, because they used to sell pleasure. Now they sell anger. The world is... The world is a better place. No, they were leaving money on the table, not selling most women look like that fat shit. No, women, they're still buying shit.

This is all horseshit. Yeah, but most... Sales are not... Sales are not any better now. And if they are... If retail sales are better, it's just because it's easier and more convenient to buy things to Amazon and online. You had to go out to the mall before and get it.

But I don't think the way the models look deterred people from buying or fucking... Well, if I look at a... fucking model that looks like me and I'm like oh they have my size yeah you go cool that'll fit on me yeah that'll fit on me skinny fat we should all get those outfits for skank fest and do the regs live in those bikinis i get a one piece thank god jr djorda shows weird belly button what what huh we're doing a podcast yeah i know you need another cookie is your blood sugar drop me notice all three of you look at me when it dips alpha literally all right All three, you stop, and you look at me.

It happens all the time. I looked at you because you were talking. I didn't talk. I said, huh? I wasn't talking. You said your weird belly button. I said, huh? He says you are a dip.

I think he says you are a dip. Dip is a great word. Dip and dud. Am I too fair? Diff's great. When Colin Quinn called Joe the Roaster of a dud. It's great. Ed.

Did we talk to Colin about the roast? No, but I'm going to talk to it. But you've got to ease into it. You can't. I mean, the fact that Mark's not doing the roast is, Crazy. He's not doing the festival. He's clearly in the mothership.

He's booked on Sunday. He's booked on Sunday at Skangfest. But wasn't he supposed to do Saturday, too? No, that's what Joe said. Oh. What? Are you here? I'm listening.

He said that Mark could do, if we did the roast Saturday, you said Mark could do it? I think he said that. Maybe he said Sunday. I can't remember exactly. We could also do, but I think you've got to end the weekend on the goddamn comedy. You definitely have to end it on comedy. I mean, well, we could technically do the roast on Sunday

before the jam and just have the roast go into the jam, technically. I know, but don't you want to knock it out? You want to knock it out? Yeah, knock it out and have fun. Friday night is the way to do. So you'd rather mark not be on it? I'd rather wish you'd be a good friend. I'd rather do it Friday night. I wish that he was doing it. How far is Austin from? New Orleans? Yeah. Not that far, actually. It's pretty far. Because it's three hours east to Houston and another three hours to New Orleans, I think.

Driving. Flying is like 45 minutes an hour. Oh, flying. Yeah. What was the fucking 1800s? Yeah. I think you're thinking you're thinking what someone says. I think a horse had a fucking wagon. I'd say he send a messenger first. See how Mark's doing. Maybe he's sick with scarlet fever.

Oh, look, it's a messenger pigeon. Mark's coming. How much is it by dragon? But when you say how far is something, with flights, you have to wait for the flight to leave. You just roll on the bike. Not if you're fucking, not if you're Shane. Right.

Yeah, hire him a private jet. He could hire a private jet. He could afford a private jet. Yeah. If he wanted to go to Skagfest $1,000. Yeah, I just feel like, yeah, why couldn't he fucking technically do his show

and then zip out right away? Get that Howie Mandel hologram thing. Oh, bro. Yeah. Have him do a hologram set. That's interesting. Digitalized.

Those are cheap. He can do it from Austin. Set it up at the mothership. We can helicopter him and probably, it wouldn't actually be that expensive. How much is this a chartered helicopter? It's so bad. How much is it to charter a helicopter from Austin to New Orleans?

It's 800 bucks. That is not true. It is six. But if it was less than five grand, it was less than $5,000. No, not $16,000. If it was less than $5,000, I would say we would do that. It's around $1,000. Norman dies, the helicopter crash.

I love I keep saying stuff, and you guys like, no. We're going to do the Norman benefit every year? How much is it? What time are we to ruin the roast? 1 a.m.? He's going to show at 10 o'clock. 11 in the morning or 11 at 10 o'clock? 11 in the morning or 11 at 10.

At night. What? Let's do it at 11 a.m. roast. That's what you want to do is a little. Morning, everybody. Friday. Everybody's fucked up. How did everybody sleep last night?

Well, no, we're not going to get. We're going to fucking keep it together before the fucking roast. I'm going to be sober that day. Is Zach on the roast? No, Joe's choosing the roast. No, you started choosing. I mean, I don't know. We did this before.

You, the three of us, four of us. We talked about this. How many people are out there? There's a lot. Danny Braff's got to be on. Paco's got to be a little. I told Danny Braff, Paco, and Joe to go do the regs producer's show. These guys, we gave him our blessing.

We said we'd help him promote it. These guys, they don't want it. We all wanted it. When we were young, we would have fucking jumped at the opportunity to do it. These guys are just fucking picking their nose, not giving a shit. Now, Danny's fucking working. We were talking about this before. Everywhere I go, people know Danny Brough. He works for the Dojo. He works for the cell. He works for Bobby.

He'll go and do a don't tell in between sets. He's got the balls to ask me to throw fish at him during a show. Whatever that bullshit is, he does. With the fish thing. He's like, I told you to throw me a Lunchline. God. Where did you,

did you go to a market and get this? He's got show ideas. Yeah, Danny's good. Yeah, Danny's killing it. He's trying to sell cigarettes, he just told me, too. I have four,

four cartons of yellow American spirits. DMM. Jesus. I'll buy them immediately right now. We should all just get one right now and light it up. Everybody smoke. Let's smoke a cigar.

Oh, I brought you guys a gift. I got time for cigar. What time is it? 3 o'clock. 2.53. We're about to wrap this bad boy up. What are you limping? You couldn't use the headphone.

Also, real quick, a helicopter has a range of 250 to 500 miles, usually, and it takes Austin to New Orleans about 550 miles. So make him run the rest of the way? I got you guys. Tatahuahuahuas. No, those in the foundation, stupid. It's Nick at Foundation Cigars sent me these 18. These are brand new. I got you one, I got you one, and I got me one.

Open them up. That's awesome. One of my favorite cigars right there. Let's go smoke one right now. Let's go down stairs. We'll go out when we're done. Don't use your teeth, you're sad. It's going to hurt your teeth.

You're going to fucking lose one. On this? It's called plastic. You got it right the first time? On plastic? On plastic? Unplastic? Leader, why don't you take a sound?

Yeah, thanks for the cigars. That was very nice of you. It's a beautiful package. And I like the cigars, too. That's what she said. Thanks for stepping on my fucking jokes. You're fat fuck. Are these different ones?

Those look beautiful. These are all the same. I don't like that Lewis is a cigar guy now. I don't buy it. Never seen you smoke a cigar. Why don't you guys go outside and smoke one right now? This one for you? Wow, this is like a fucking cartoon, baby Herman.

Look at this thing. It's literally the size of my penis. The shape, too. Well, hold on. I don't understand this, Bobby. Yeah, buddy. He doesn't even know how to smoke this fucking thing. What?

I do. What do you mean? What don't you understand? What don't you understand then? What don't you understand then? What don't know? I don't understand. I thought you were giving me this box.

No, I said I got you one and you one and me one. We're going to smoke a one. I thought we each got a box. I thought we started a box. Do you want? You all thought we got the box. I like the box. No, I brought a cigar.

You can have the box. Take the box. I can't smoke. Oh, I can make a little coffin for my G.I. I'll throw it in the bathtub. Like, it's a burial at sea. I remember one time in middle school or was it? Maybe fifth grade.

I lied to this girl, Marlina Roryo. Shout out, Marlina. Gone but not forgotten. I told her that I built Barbie furniture. What? You're building Barbie furniture? Yeah, I do it all the time for my sister. I build her.

She's like, what? I was like, I'll make you a Barbie bed if you want. And then I went and got, I mean, I just found like scrap wood and like the woods behind my house, dude. I wish I had a picture of this fucking Barbie bed, dude. I love it. It was literally, it was like this big giant because I measured it to my sister's Barbie. And it was just like a slab of wood, like shitty.

Brodingwood with like four other small sticks like nailed to it just with a single nail nail. Then I painted it pink but it wasn't like thick enough paint dude it was the biggest piece of shit ever and I charge her seven dollars for it. You charged her money for it and she paid you? I used to sell

straw guns too. You're nuts. You know what straw guns are? No. So you take a piece of wood and essentially bullshit. I know. Right in your hand. Yeah yeah dude do it in your fucking arm dude. I'm not going to have it on my fucking. I got to go wash my hands. It sounded like Danny saying hello.

That was Danny for wrap it up. We're going to wrap it up. That's it. You guys, make sure you go to our websites. Make sure you check out the producers too. And make sure you vote for us on that competition. What is it again?

The Spursion Casters thing. But wait a minute, why don't you guys start a podcast together? Won't you do a regs wrap-up show? They don't want them. Regs wraps up with the producers of the regs and you guys could trash us and fucking, it would be a fucking extension.

It's a spin-off this show. And we get every dollar. And there's going to be no dollars. Everything from out goes to us. I love you guys. We'll see you guys next time on the regs.