Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Erik Griffin | TV Stars

Episode Date: June 9, 2024

This week Bobby sits down with Erik Griffin to talk twitch streaming, how much you get paid on network TV, and Erik answers real questions from the internet. FOLLOW ERIK https://www.erikgriffin.com/ https://www.instagram.com/erikgriffin/ Get the EXTRA YKWD, Watch LIVE and UNEDITED AT https://www.patreon.com/robertkelly LIVE FROM THE SHED AND MORE ON PATREON DUDE!!! https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://twitter.com/YKWDpodcast http://instagram.com/ykwdudepodcast https://www.facebook.com/YkwdPodcast/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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All right, I'm gonna guess right now. You tell me just with your face, poker face. He told us during the pandemic when he was on. Oh, did I? I was on during, oh, that's right. I was on during the pandemic. I forgot Mike was here. I just thought Danny's voice changed. I was like, did Danny just?

Balls dropped. Yeah, there's balls just. He just went from, I don't know what the hell, he was on interdependent. I like that Mosh just killed the bit too. I love guessing, dude. I love to guess. This guy's a guy that's like,

fantasy football's not real. He's that guy. It's not. Yeah, baby, we're starting the podcast right now. We're back, you know what, dude? Live. Welcome, everybody to the show. I started social media podcast. The YKWD podcast.

YKWD is back again. Old school, back in the day where it all started before them all. This podcast is so fun and crazy. It has no rules. God help you ruining this. Where's the bomb? Damn it, man. Sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Before them all This podcast is so fun and crazy and has no rules

Sorry, it's a comedy podcast this isn't npr. That's the podcast does is there any better show this the original What's up everybody, it's Robert Kelly here on YKWD. We're in the Comedy Cellar Studios, above the world famous Comedy Cellar, one of the longest running podcasts, if not the first on the East Coast, right here. You know what, dude? We got a great show tonight. We got a little camera mishap, but that doesn't stop us. We're gonna do a one shot, two shot, which I like. And hopefully Joe, who's standing right there

taking video and photos, isn't in it. But he's a chidrull, he probably is. Max, what do we got tonight? Today we have Eric Griffin. Right there. Eric has been on many different things. Max, do you have all the stuff he's been on? He's been on Workaholics.

I'm dying up here. Boom. Those were the two I know off the top of my head. Yeah. His podcast Riffin with Griffin. Yeah. Yeah. He's murder mystery with Adam Sandler somewhere in Queens with Ray Romano. I mean, you're a, I've known you for a while. Where did we meet?

I kept thinking, like, I don't know where we, was it on the road? I don't know. It was somewhere non-conventional. It wasn't like at a club. Oh, you're right. You know what it could have been? I know what it is.

It probably was JFL or something like that. Was it there? Yeah. Or maybe it was a mangrove bush in Tampa. You know when you know someone, that's why it was something like that. I was probably in New York. We were probably out someplace.

Ah! And we knew the same person. No. It's not that? No, dude. I don't even remember. I don't know where it was. I know it wasn't like, hey, dude, at a club.

Right, right, right. It was a thing. Maybe it was Montreal. I think it know where it was. I know it wasn't like, hey, dude, at a club. Right, right, right. It was a thing. Maybe it was Montreal. It was Montreal, man. That was a good hang. Yeah, it was Montreal. It was a great hang. Great hang, man.

Was. I know. Was. What happened? It's fine. Skank Fest is the new great hang now. Skank Fest is that crazy? Yeah.

Three knuckleheads who did a crazy podcast and then Christine, Rebecca and Louis were like, we should do a festival. I remember they did the first one in Brooklyn. It's like 500 people or something. People were passing out. They had a half hour. It was crazy.

Well, the first one I went to was like, I went to the Vegas one, the first one in Vegas. Yep, that was a couple years ago. Yeah, it was great. I couldn't go last year because I had a different obligation, but I was gonna go last year again, but I'm gonna go this year. But I remember, I didn't know what it was.

I had this great day with Louis. So I'm on my podcast or on another podcast, and I'm like, yeah, I'm doing Skinkfest. I just said it casually, like, yeah, I don't know why. I'm just doing it. Oh shit. Yeah, I know. Oh no. You know what happened. Oh no, no.

Oh no. Wait, Louis has my number and he decides to tweet message me. It's all content. It's all for the clicks, baby. I don't know, why would you talk, why would you say that about the show? And you know, he was this whole thing and I was like, dude, it's not what, you know? Well, I mean, it's his baby. I get it. You know what I mean? So it's his baby. But I had a really great time.

And all I do is talk about how great it is. I mean, now, because you got to put a Puerto Rican rattlesnake want to cut your throat and snap your neck and kill anybody you have. He was furious. And your life. Yeah. He even said it on my game stream. You know, he games too. Like he's on Twitch. I know. I just said something on my game stream. He games, too. He's on Twitch. I know. So I just said something on Twitch casually.

And he was like, somebody sent me the clip. I heard you. You know what I mean? It is something you could just solve over. It's something you could just solve with one phone call. Dude, what the fuck's up? But like, hey, man, can you not talk smack? It is kind of like that.

How many of the fans went after you? Yeah. Well, cause I- But I went, I proved myself. It was, that's one thing about the fan base. And like, when we used to do Opie and Anthony, that was that one thing where you just didn't want that fan base, you know what I mean? Cause it was so, when they were in your corner,

it was like having the army of the dead, you know what I mean? Because it was so, when they were in your corner, it was like having the army of the dead. You know what I mean? Just unstoppable, holy army. I remember I did a thing for the troops, full metal comedy. I was going to Iraq with Colin, so I filmed the set at the cellar, and I put it on a DVD to bring for the troops,

and I went to this company, and it was during the Iraq War, and I went to them, I went, hey, I'm doing this thing for the troops and I went to this company and it was during the Iraq war and I went to them. I'm hey, I'm doing this thing for the troops, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they got back to me and they were like, yeah, we can't do that. I was like, what? They're like, we can't support. I was like, it's it's not. I don't support war. I don't like war. It's I don't want to for our troops. I goes for the war. I don't like war. I don't want to. It's for our troops. I go, it's for the troops. I was trying to be really diplomatic. I understand there might be like, hey man,

and I get it, who the fuck is for war? But I have to go there. I'm entertaining them. I would like to bring them this. And they're like, no, we can't. So I actually, I just mentioned it on OPNN. Ha ha ha. You knew what you were doing instigator legally I did not I

Had no idea Well that happened Hey If you want to if you want to call the place up and tell them how you feel about the troops that's on you Yeah, I mean I love the troops. Maybe you love the troops, too Maybe it was something like that the guy guy wound up calling me up and going, hey dude, can you please, can you please just call it off?

Because, but it was like, you know, so I understand that. And I mean, I felt bad for it, but yeah, but they're the best, the best fans. Yeah, they're, so when you went there, it was great. They totally accept you back in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're totally over it. And people were like, you know, I remember the thing that I, what I didn't realize, well, I kind of picked up on is that, so I got there the first night and then they threw me on a show

in front of all these people, you know, I did a show. Then I realized the next night, when I'm starting to do my shows, I was like, oh, it's gonna be the same people. Yeah. So then I just did, you know, I did four sets. I did four different sets. But that was the thing on Facebook,

I'm like, Griffiths, do another set, you know? Yeah, it's, I'll do as many podcasts as you wanna put me on. That's why I love the festival, they have a lot of podcasts. Mainly podcasts. I'll do them all, but I only wanna do a couple sets. You know what I mean? I don't wanna do, I don't them all, but I only want to do a couple sets. You know what I mean? I don't want to do, I don't want to do,

because it is an overflow. No, dude, it's not, it is the same people, stop it. They buy the past, they want to come see you over. I understand it, but it is, when you see the same dude, it doesn't matter to them maybe, but in your brain as a comic, when you see the same mother, dude, I got tickets to the next show.

Don't tell me, I know exactly what you mean. Even though you might be here every single night doing the same set, and people are coming all the time. They people love, you know, I've had somebody come up to me and be like in LA, like at the commie story, they'll be like, man, I've seen you 10 times, you know? And then you're just like, you're like, oh, okay.

Yeah, I know. I don't wanna see this guy. Yeah, because when you see him, it's like, ah, I feel like I have to do a- Right, right, right, who cares about know. I don't wanna see this guy. Yeah, because when you see him, it's like, ah, I feel like I have to do a- Right, right, right. Who cares about that? They don't care. They don't care.

But it is a mental thing where you're like, What I loved about the festival was that like, you know, when I first saw it, I was a little salty because it was like, I have a 1pm show. I was like, oh, I'm at the 1pm show? That's the best show. Yeah. Because people come all day.

By the time eight o'clock comes around, that's not like, ooh, we're going out. They've been at this thing all day, watching people box, watching people do craziness, watching podcasts. By the time the night comes, they're like, ugh. Well, they're cramming a lot into four days. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like as opposed to two week festival with Just For Laughs where everything's at night. There was some podcasting during the day, but pretty much the shows were at night. They're trying to jam, I think like two weeks of festival shows into four days. So it's all day long. They do a good job, man.

Yeah, no, I mean dude, I think they do a great job because the fan base is so good. They look like they're gonna murder you. But it's, and they also get a thing where it's like, dude, it's a bunch of dudes. It's not. Yes, it's like Comic-Con, but comics. It's Comic-Con with drugs.

It really is like, kind of like, you know, if they could, they would like have on bald caps and be like, you know, Robert! You know what I mean? Yeah, dude, I mean, I love it. I have such a good time. It is a, I learned, like the first time we did it was a little crazy.

The first Vegas time I did it, I was like, Jesus Christ. And then I learned to cut back a little bit. The last time I did it, I was like, Christine, I was like, I can't, I can't do fucking five stand up shows and four part. I can do I can do this many. I'm old, man. I'm not one of the young bucks. There's a lot of young bucks there that are dying for stage time.

They're dying to be on the thing. I've been doing this for 30 years. Here, I know my limitations. I like when somebody says I did. I don't know how it is in New York, but like in LA somebody might be putting on a show someplace, right? Then they'll hit you up and the guy's like, hey man, you want to come headline this show? And it's like, it's great stage time, you can do as much time as you want.

Then you have to say, hey man, I don't need that. We've been doing it too long, I don't need that. We've been doing it too long. I don't need that. Like, you know what, how about, I can call them and get my own night. But it's also too, like I'm on the road and it's like, they say, dude, why don't you come by and do a spot? I said, I just did two hours of shit.

I had the whole show on my shoulders. I've been worrying, I worry about every show. When I finished that second set, I'm like, fuck. I just wanna chill. The last thing I wanna do is go fuck around in front of 50 people. And I know it's fun, but I did that, man. I'm done.

Take me back. Dude, you know what my greatest feeling is now in life? Taking my shoes off. I know what you get home at night, when you flip them off at the front door. What comes to the worst now is like the travel is now like a thousand times worse. Why?

As you get older. Oh yeah. You know, I'm telling you, like there's something about like just getting to the airport now at my age where I'm like, oh You just see that you see you see that every line sucks now even clear Yeah, like even the clear is a mess. Yeah, I know you got to do too much, you know, it's like You know, please put your eye and your stool sample and you know think you stand over here It's like this was supposed to be like a fast thing. Yeah, because they gave it to everybody.

And they should have made it unattainable. They should have made it $1,000. That's PSA Free. Clear, right, right, right. They should have made clear $1,000. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And you know what I mean? Like the Delta Lounge took away a lot of the people

because everybody was there. Everybody just got the Amex, and now that's gone. United Airlines, same thing. Oh, this isn't special. No, it's not, yeah. There's no riffraff free zone. No. At the airport now.

It's just riffraff just running around. I would pay $15,000 just not to deal with anybody at an airport. A year, right? Like it's like a club or something. $15,000 a year. And every airport you go to, they take you right on the plane, they put you in your seat before everybody,

they take your bags. You don't gotta do anything. You just go and you go, I know what you mean. That's what I'm saying. I'm getting to this point now. And here's something I do too. Maybe I'm not making a lot of money on the weekend, but I'm going home and I didn't get to upgrade.

I might buy it. I'm about quality of life right now. Your wife lets you do that? Yeah, shit on me. My wife's a fucking nickel chaser. She'll still be like, look. She gets the credit card alerts? She'll be like, well, it's $600 more.

And I'm like, she goes, no, you'll probably get upgraded. So I have to do that thing. You know what I mean? It's like, just give me the fuck. I've earned it. What are we gonna do? I wanna spend that at the airport on cords, protein bars and Starbucks anyways.

My wife will be like, she'll be like, oh, somebody upgrade, well, since she upgraded, I'm gonna, I need to go get this Gucci thing, you know? My wife doesn't do that, I wish she did that. Yeah, that's what, it has to be like, so I have to like, whatever I spend on me. That My wife doesn't do that. I wish she did that. That's what, it has to be like a, so I have to like whatever I spend on me. That's fine, I do that. She doesn't, I don't want anything.

She doesn't get anything to spite me. My wife will- Oh, that's even worse. My wife will be like, I don't need anything. I'll be like, get what you want. I don't need anything. Okay, fuck you. Cause I, let me tell you, like, I can't not go into the,

you know the electronic stores? What is it? I store. That's my good-fee pleasure too. If I go into a Best Buy, I'm walking out with like, have you seen this? It's the new. When I go to an airport, the first thing I do

is go to that tech store and I look at every plug. I go through the fucking clearance bucket. You know what I mean? I bought the stupidest shit. I just buy stupid shit. I think the worst thing I bought was a sanitizer from my phone. It's a case you put your phone in.

No. Yep. I bought a projector. Dude, the projector's the shit. Yeah, I bought like a, it was like- A little one? Yeah, a little one. You take it on the road?

Yeah. Dude, I have one too. And I'll have bought like a, it was like. A little one? Yeah, a little one. You take it on the road? Yeah. Dude, I have one too. And I'll have it be like, sometimes the walls. On the ceiling? It's white, and I'll put the thing like this, and I'm just like watching TV like this. Dude, I did that with porn. I mean, porn should be on the ceiling.

Yeah! Because you're holding your iPad, you're holding your laptop, you gotta put the pillow up, you gotta fucking, oh, the TV's over there, doing this. That's why you need the foam sanitizer. Dude, when you're jerking off, like, the way you make love, looking up to Jesus, asking forgiveness for what you're jerking off to,

or what you're fucking, that's the only- Are you looking at that first person porn? Have you done the VR stuff, the VR? No, I can't do it. Why? I tried. You have kids? Yeah, I just had just had a kid actually. How old? 17 weeks now. Wow, congratulations. Yeah, thank you. I did it old. But you know, I'm doing it. How old are you? 52. 52. I did it. Well, yeah, that's old. I forgot I did it at 42. Yeah. Well, I mean, still, yeah, it is what it is. Yeah. You know, I'm that's why I'm working out. I'm down 20 pounds my damn. Oh, good for you, man. So it's like I'm trying to stay alive. You know, it's hard, man. It's hard being a fucking comic. Yeah. You know, that's why I'm working out. I'm down 20 pounds of my damn self. Oh, good for you, man. Yeah, so it's like I'm trying to stay alive, you know? It's hard, man. It's hard being a fucking comic.

Yeah. And then trying not to be an addict. And the only thing you can do on the road that is acceptable is stuff your fat face after a show. I know. It's the best. I used to go to grocery store. I was such a fat fuck.

I'd stop. Grocery stores? I used to go to the grocery. I was such a fat fuck. I'd stop. Grocery stores? I used to go to the grocery store, get like a whole chicken. Okay, you have to be committed to fat to go to the grocery store that has fruits, vegetables, and a bunch of healthy sections. And you somehow went and get the fried chicken.

I get whole chicken, I get subs. I used to go get, oh, my favorite was a box of Cheez-Its. I remember, you know the big ones? Remember the big ones they had? I get subs. I used to go get cheese. Oh, my favorite was a box of Cheez-Its. I remember, you know the big ones? Remember the big ones they had? Cause I like Cheez-Its, cause when you chew them and then you're done, you can do that. And there's- Yeah, you have a little extra.

You have extra Cheez-Its. You know there's another fat fuck, Quinn, Colin Quinn. He's the one who actually told me that. We were driving to a college gig one time and he's like, pull over at the grocery store. I'm like, what? We gotta get snacks. And we went we went on the way to the gig We went to the grocery store and loaded up on treats. Do you rent a car when you go?

No, I uber It was the greatest thing ever. Oh, I over everywhere. I do lift it goes to my dad I mean, we're such old nobody wants to hear this. I do get Delta points on Lyft. I'm just trying to get Delta points. Oh, I, dude, I look at my United app like it's Instagram. I know you're psyching me. We'll be right back with old fart talk with Eric and Bob. I'm always checking, like I, like I, it's a bad game of like trying to get your status

every year. Yeah. It's one of my favorites. I know, I actually flew to Buffalo once on a, on a Monday, because I needed just a little more. So I booked a flight to Buffalo, flew to Buffalo, got back on the plane in like two hours and came home. I see your Buffalo and I raise you England. Yeah, I needed. I was going to go visit. You know you can buy them, right? That's so funny. You can just buy the boys.

No, no, my parents at the time lived in Spain. Right. So I was going to go visit them anyway. So what I did is I rerouted myself. Okay, all right, I got you. You know what I mean? I routed myself to, and that got me everything I needed. I know, dude, doing an Europe tour is a great feeling

just knowing all the miles you're getting that's the bet Yeah, you get on there and you just know speaking of your family. What is your face? What do you mean? Like what are you? Yeah, everybody everybody always I don't know what you are, dude I've tried to put it together. Yeah, they want to know what you are so they can know how to hate you. I would say I Don't know we have we have questions We have questions for him, right? Yeah. Oh, that's interesting.

We have questions for you. And these are off the internet. Just tell me if it's a lie or true. Okay. Okay? Yeah. Do you mind playing this game? Yeah, let's play. Okay. What's the first question?

Lies! Danny? We text him. His mustache was a transplant from Burt Reynolds? What? That his mustache was a transplant from Burt Reynolds? Oh that's a lie. That's a lie. Yeah. But you are... I don't even wear it like that anymore. You were the first comic to rock a mustache. But like I look at the pictures now and I think to myself what was I doing? were the that's true though You were the first comic with a mustache

Is that true or false? I think that's true. That is true. Okay. Yeah, the internet did not lie on that one next question The internet said that you are transitioned into a Filipino lesbian. Is that true or false? That one's probably false. That's false. OK. That's a terrible question. Yeah. OK. How would I answer that?

Yes or no. You need to be like, yes, darling. No, that's not true. All right, what's the next one? He was adopted by Bobby Lee's parents. No, that's false. That's false. These are all wrong.

This is all bullshit. Well, you got false. These are all wrong. Yeah. This is all bullshit. Yeah. Well, you got any more? Yeah, the last one is he's the oldest man alive to Twitch stream. Probably. That's probably true. So there you go.

Too true, too false. Actually, I do know one that's exact. There's a guy called Grandpa Gamer. Really? Yeah. Are you kidding me? No, I'm not dead serious. His name's Grandpa Gamer, and he's probably in his 70s,

you know, and he's just out there doing it. But you know what, there's studies about it now. There that like- What? 72. 72, when you're, when it helps you with a lot of stuff. Cognitive. Cognitive stuff, like that's the game.

I just was excited that I knew that word, and I got to use it once in my life. Yeah, that's, that's so, it's- That was a role that does, you could tell by my cognitive, and my eyebrows went up, right? Did I get it right? Did I get it right? Well, that's that's so it's that was a role that does. You could tell by my cognitive and my eyebrows went up. Right. Right. Right. Well, that's I mean, I don't know how to spell anything anymore. He's live now.

Yeah. Oh, can you bring him up real quick? Do you know if he's good? Is he good? Yeah, he's pretty. Oh, here he is right here. What's his name? That's hilarious. That he's oh, my God, though. And he's a straight grandpa. Like he's fine. If he's only 72, it's not going well for him. What's his name again?

Grandpa game. What does he play? He plays like that Red Dead. He's playing Call of Duty a lot. Let's call it. What? I gotta listen to this guy Can we hear oh he's not oh he's angry yeah, I mean this guy does he have family Oh, he is a he has, he's angry. Yeah. I mean, this guy, does he have family? Oh, he is. He has a YouTube thing. This guy's famous. Call the duty. How many people? So this guy, this is the best thing I've ever seen in my life. Most disrespectful shot.

He's talking about shots because he's looking at his his Twitch stream. I mean, his stream is talking to him. I love this. What I'm saying is what I do. OK, I'm trying to do this over comedy. What is this? What is he doing? Because I don't know what this is. Well, what's happening is he's playing a video game

right now. Okay, Call of Duty, I know. Yeah, so he's playing a video game, and then like his, we can't see his chat, but he can. Okay. So his chat's like talking to him, and they're interacting with him, and people are sending money,

and people are like doing- Sending money? Yeah, man, people send money. Why? They tip you. money? Yeah, man. People send money. Why? They tip you. Why?

Dude, no one will watch a comic or a podcast for eight hours, right? Right. Can you even imagine like somebody watching this podcast for eight hours? I can't imagine it for 15 minutes. Right. But they'll watch this for eight hours. Really? Yeah.

People will just be there for eight hours. Okay. So he's just playing a video game. Yeah. Talking to his fans. Talking to his fans. And people send money. That's what the gamer girls are doing all the time. The gamer girls really make a lot of money.

Cause they're in bikinis and they're just like, you know. What do you think grandpa gamer is spending his money on? Well, he's probably nothing. He's probably just, you know, Similac and like, you know what I mean? He's just insure. I was trying to come up with old guy shit, but I couldn't think of it. I didn't even say it right. I really meant insure. I was trying to come up with old guy shit, but I couldn't think of it.

I didn't even say it right. I really meant insure. That's what I really meant, but Similac works, too. Oh my god. Oh, that was such an old guy sneeze. I know. We're fucking finished. You probably almost threw your back out.

It hurt. Yeah, I got to be careful when I. My left shoulder. My left shoulder. Can you imagine sneezing and throwing out your shoulder. Like that is some like, that is a terrible feeling. I don't understand. So you get on this video game.

You get on the video game. And then you go on Twitch. Go to Eric Griffin gaming. You can go to Eric Griffin gaming on YouTube and you can see my channel. So your channel, how many people follow you on there? On, well, not a lot on the, I get like, I have like 30,000 followers on Twitch.

Can you make money off of that? Bro, it saved me during the pandemic. What the fuck are you talking about? I'll tell you off air how much money I made in that year. All right, I'm gonna guess right now, and you tell me just with your face, poker face. He told us during the pandemic when he was on. Oh, did I?

I was on during, oh, that's right, I was on during the pandemic. I forgot Mike was here. I oh, that's right. I was on during the pandemic. I forgot Mike was here. I just thought Danny's voice changed. I was like, did Danny just fucking? Balls dropped on me. Yeah, his balls just popped. He just went from, I don't know what the hell.

Hello, he was on during the pandemic. I like that Moosh just killed the bit too. I love guessing, dude. He's a shit, right? I love to guess. Yeah, this guy's a guy that's like, fantasy football's bit too. I love guessing shit. I love to guess This guy's a guy's like fantasy football is not real. He's that guy. It's not Really? I'm gonna be that guy. So I'm being mosh's guy So dude, so you go on twitch just go on twitch and what game do you play? Like I like when I go on the road I twitch from the hotel room. What the fuck?

Yeah, you have to bring a Sony with you? Yeah, I bring my place. I bring my Xbox. I have a carrying case. I carry it on to the plane. I have it all set up in my thing. I go into the hotel. I set it up. If the TV doesn't work well,

I have a monitor that's connected to the thing. That's fucking nerd shit, dude. Yeah, and I just like, that's what I do. It's so much fun. And you make money still off of it. Yeah, yeah, it's not like it was for me because it's like, I'm still just like, now I'm just the old guy that doesn't play the game well.

That guy's 90. I know, but this is like, there's like a thing to it though. Like, you know, there's like, you could get a market of people who like really like watching it. Because you're not branding yourself. Yeah, I'm trying. You need to do this. I know.

I have Eric Griffin gaming, but I need something else. You need old mustache 774. Something like that. Something like old mustache guy. Yeah. Grow that mustache back, dye it magician black. Man, my wife won't let me do it. And be that guy. When she looks at the old pictures of like,

when I just had the mustache, when I was on I'm Dying Up Here, it was like 70s, right? So I had to have it like dumb, thick and dark. It was just dumb. I know. And I would hate walking around. I had to be like, I'm on a TV show. You know, I hate having to say that.

I like it though. I remember when I saw you on that, it was fucking crazy. Al Magical was on that. Yeah, Al Santino. Yeah, Santino. That show, for people who don't know, is about the Comedy Store. Well, it was like loosely based off that book,

but it wasn't about the Comedy Store. Well, it was like loosely based off that book, but it wasn't about the Comedy Store. Like that Comedy Store actually existed in that universe. In, so it's, it wasn't real scenarios. No, yeah, it was just called Goldies, you know? Oh, Goldies, okay, yeah, yeah. So it was like it existed in the world, you know? So they shot it at the store though? No, no, no, no.

Really, it was on a set? Yeah, it was on a set. Oh, great. That'd be too much money to do. Do you miss being on TV? Um, sometimes, you know? Like, how long's it been since you've been on TV? Um, well, I did like, I do episodes of stuff.

Like, I did like the George Lopez show last year. You're a character actor. Yeah, now I am. Right? Sure. I'm always a cop or a principal or something like that. But I just, look, I'm in New York right now because I'm in the Tribeca Film Festival

because I did, I was in a movie. It's called The Everything Pot. And what's it about? It's about like a couple played by Lisa Edelstein. She was on House. She was like the main chick on House. Which main chick? She was like his boss on House.

Oh, I love her. Yeah, she's great. She's like a Jewish mom type. Yes, she was on the divorced. I know you're talking about. The's great. She's like a Jewish mom type. Yes, she was on the divorced, I know you talk about her. The divorce show. She's hot, dude. Yeah, she's great. So she plays my wife. Really?

Yes, and so we get invited to a wedding. You get to kiss her? No, no, it was like. All right, okay, I'm just asking. My wife is like, she's like, you know. Well, she won't let you kiss people on film? She doesn't like it, she frowns on it. She's Spanish? No, she's Jewish.

Oh, there you go. Yeah. Same thing. Yeah, yes. Just mad ethnic woman. Yeah, exactly. So it's about this married couple who gets invited to a wedding.

My wife's character, she gets invited. We get invited to a wedding by one of her younger, former colleagues. And so we get invited to this wedding and his fiance is like, well, who's this woman you're inviting? I don't know who she is, right? So we get invited to the wedding and then like, it all like centers around,

it's like a Pandora's box about this. So we get this and then she buys the gift right away, the gift gets sent and then they break up and I want the gift back. What's the gift? It's the everything pot. What the fuck is that? It's like a crack pot.

It's like a, you know. Oh, like a hot, like a, like you could put a, actually we could. A rump roast in it. Yes, but we couldn't use the official name of what the real device is, cause they wouldn't let us. I remember, I just, I probably would.

So they made up something called the everything pot. I got it. But it's the same thing. They're great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. So that's what I'm doing. And that was like the third lead in that movie. So it's like, it's a pretty big, you know. it's the same thing. They're great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. So that's what I'm doing.

And that was like the third lead in that movie. So it's like it's a pretty big, you know. That's great. Yeah. So I'm still doing stuff. You still acting? I would love to get on a sitcom that nobody watches and it goes for seven years. Oh, dude.

That's the dream, bro. That's the dream. Listen, man. I just come in like this. Hey, guys. Woo! I just want to give grumpy remarks. Why would you do that?

Yeah. And then just put a cigar in my mouth. I was on the sex drugs and rock and roll dude. And I was so excited in my brain being like, dude, if this goes for five, six years. I know that's it for you. I'm set for life. Yeah.

Who are you telling? Every day, every dude, I did a pilot during the pandemic that like, it was like, it was so much money. Why are we whispering? Is Hollywood gonna hear us? Yeah, they're gonna hear, I don't want anybody. Yeah, why are we whispering? We're so old.

We're actors. Yeah, well, what are you doing? I was like, what, method acting? But I was in the, okay, so I booked a pilot and then like, you know, you get the check that it's gonna be the check if it gets picked up. Man, you know what I used to think? Like you've tested for pilots, right?

All right, so I used to think that when you test for a pilot and you have to sign that contract, I used to think that, oh man, don't show me this. This is terrible. You know what's worse than that? Getting one of those checks. Getting that pilot check? You get that one check and you're like, this is gonna be for 20 episodes? You know, You're spending that money. It's life changing. It's life changing. I remember when I got paid for, and I'll tell you,

I got paid $20,000 an episode for Sex and Drugs. Oh wow. And I- What kind of part did you have? I was one of the motherfuckers. I was a main cast member. I think I was five or six on the, well, I didn't because my quote,

people don't know this, that you get this much money, say 10 grand. That's your quote. Oh, it's gone? Yeah, there's no more quotes. Oh, Netflix, huh? But all of them, but you know what? It's a double edged sword.

So now it's no quotes. So now you go in, they just ask. Now they can be like, yeah, Robert wants 60 for this. Now they can just decide. Why did you ever get 60 for an episode? This show I'm telling you about. You got 60 for this. Now they can just decide. Why did you ever get 60 for an episode? This show I'm telling you about. You got 60? That's crazy.

I wasn't even the leader in it. I don't even know what I would do. Who are you, bro, who are you telling? This is, it's unbelievable. I'm just looking at, let me tell you the story. Now that we just put it out there, this is. I only got, I thought 20 was a lot. I know, so your managers, agents, and you know,

you know when you book a show, that's when they all want to get on the phone like they're doing shit. Oh no, they congratulate you. They had the janitor on the phone. It was like, Eric Manuel's on the phone. He's there too. Hello Eric.

Hey, congratulations. Great, I've seen you a lot of times in the lobby. Yeah. I knew you were going to make it. The valet guy is on the phone. So there's like 20 people from... Same guy. Hello Eric. It's me again. They won't hire. I knew you were gonna make it. The valet guy is on the phone. So there's like 20 people from... Same guy. Hello Alex.

It's me again. They won't hire. So my lawyer is talking right now. The gardener. Hello, it's me again. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're coming in at 45. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rob. What? Hell yeah. I would have did the shit for 30.

You have to play it cool though. But I'm on the phone like this. This is me on the phone. He goes, they came in at 45. I'm yelling at my wife. You told your wife? I can't tell your wife. I don't tell her anything. I wait till she gets the check. That's why she has to watch. That's why she's watching your accounts. I just don't want to disappoint her if it goes away. Oh, I know what you mean. I don't want to see her light up. Yeah. I'm getting 60,000 an episode.

Well, my wife's already thinking about Birkin bags she's gonna buy with this first check. Like a Birkin bag is. You know, it's like a stupid expensive bag for no fucking reason. So then he goes, but don't worry, I can get it to 60. What? I went like this.

I was in my phone, I was like. Why? Happy birthday to me? I don't know what you, I don't even. Can I tell my phone, I was like. Why? Happy birthday to me? I don't know what you, I don't even. Can I tell you what a piece of shit I am? You would have said. I would have said, I'm good at 45. Because I feel, listen to me, I feel, listen.

So you're a East Coast Jewish mom, you know? No, because I'm an Irish Catholic piece of shit from Boston. That even works. I don't deserve it. I'm a hunk of shit. And 45 is good enough. Yeah.

In fact, 40. You know what? I mean, dude, 40 for me, five, just take that. Give it to the homeless. Because in my brain, I'm like, if I come in too high, what if they're like, no, it's too expensive to make this show. Because he's at 60, they're at this.

They know what they can get. This was a network show. It was ABC. Okay, okay, okay. It was a network show. Okay, okay. You know what I mean? I don't know that.

And it was, by the way, it was a multicam. Oh. So this wasn't even, they actually lowballed me, if you can believe that. Why? Dude, I'm telling you. What's a fucking multicam get? Why are we doing this stupid show?

Let's go write a show. Who are you telling? Let's go write a show. What are you telling? Let's go do it. We should be old detectives or something. No, we'll be old gamers that solve crimes. Oh, I love it. Yes. We'll bring these fucking autistic kids with us.

They're always trying to set up. It's not working, Rob. I know. Fucking stick. One fucking shot. Fuck you, Max. But it's like the... Yeah, man. This multic's like the, yeah man,

this multicam's the best money. Why? Because they're on, I'll tell you why. Cause they're on a set. Okay. So they're not, there's no travel fee. There's no like- Location fee.

Location fees. I got another word in there. Yeah, they got, they just have like three- No trailers. The three sets that they can build. Right, things are right there. All that shit. Everything's in house.

Crafty's right there. Everything's right there. Right. That's the most money. It's the best schedule. You're getting it nine, you're leaving it three. Oh, fuck off. Really?

Yeah, dude. It's unbelievable, dude. It's unbelievable. Even when I did this episode of the George Lopez show and I was like, I missed it. I was like, oh, this is great. You know, you can show up, you just table read. They're like, you know.

Yeah, but it's nerve wracking though. Isn't it doing a table read? No, well, I'll tell you my experience with this pilot because it was during the pandemic. So everything was Zoom. So it was a nightmare. Zoom audition, Zoom call, Zoom test, Zoom call, Zoom table read where they fired people afterwards.

From the table read. From the table read. That happens all the time on network shows, man. They'll fire, that's why you're major, they'll watch, your agent and managers are gonna be like, hey, make sure you're like, you know, make sure you look nice at the table read. Really?

Yeah, cause you, cause they're testing the chemistry. They want to see like, you're delivering these lines and are people laughing at the table read. I think Colin. It's a performance. I think Colin Quinn said he got, he got fired from his table read on his own show. I can believe it. That's what they do, man.

So that's why they had these things now. They had these pre-table reads where they want to test it out. Really? Yeah. Then they'll see all the characters, and then they'll fire people. This is how it happens.

You'll get fired at a table read. You'll get fired. You'll film the pilot and get fired. Oh, that's the worst. That's happened. Because I've gone out for those where they like, yeah, they're recasting and I'm like, oh, what? Right.

Can you imagine? Now that sucks. You know what, I thought my scenario sucks. Yeah. That probably sucks even more, because you actually, the show's going. And you got the part. You got the part.

And you didn't get the money. No, you can still get the money if you filmed it. Oh, what if they fire at the table read, you're right there at the finish line. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're right. And then you get the whack. Oh, yes.

And then that's worse. But think about this. How happy is that other guy that thought he didn't get it, and he gets a call? Or how about this? What? How about being the guy that they filmed the show, didn't pick it up, and then retooled it with someone else,

and then they pick it up. And then it goes for seven. It goes for seven. That's Jim Parsons. Who? The Big Bang Theory. What happened? Dude.

Look at all the fucking nerds. Of course, they were like, oh my God, that's their North Star. Big Bang, Big Bang, Big Bang, Big Bang, Young Sheldon, Big Bang. So I, that's their North Star. Big bang, big bang, big bang, big bang. Young Sheldon, big bang. So I believe that they had someone else. Really? And then it didn't go.

They did it over with this guy. Because now you're at home. That's like a Brian Dunkelman situation. You want to kill yourself. Brian Dunkelman from American Idol? Yeah. He's the guy that just said, oh, this is stupid. He didn't need it. He wasn't the guy. He needed it. He needed it, but he wasn't the? Yeah, he's the guy that just said, oh, this is stupid.

He didn't need it. He wasn't the guy. He needed it. No, he needed it, but he wasn't the guy. He wasn't the guy. He had too much contempt. He had too much contempt. He did too much comedy.

Music and comedy do not go well together. No, no, no. You can't put a comedy with too fucking, dude, don't. I'll tell you what it is. I love American Idol, too. I think Colin Quidd said it, but I heard it from Chris Rock. Cool is the enemy of funny. Yeah. It's a good one.

It's hard to be cool. And cool is the enemy of funny. But if you can pull it off, you can get super rich for like, you know, five years. Who pulls it off though? Nobody. I thought Dane pulled it off in his hay day. Did he?

Yeah. Okay. This guy. Sorry. You were on the show. I wasn't. I, he pulled it off. I was on the show. I was on the show. off in his heyday. Did he? Yeah. Okay. You're so funny.

Sorry. You were on the show. I wasn't. He brought me in for his show, Network, Sony. Robert Bobby, my best friend, right? Lines I said to him. I didn't book it. And it said Robert Kelly type. It was a bald, chubby guy

from Boston. I mean that said, dude, every other word, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about like the tour, guys, them and all that. Oh no. Yeah. Yeah. There was a time I'm saying there was a time that he was super cool. Oh dude. There was like, there was like a period where it was like, and then it didn't. They turn on you quick. Let me say something. I mean, there was, yeah dude, he was, I think the Elvis of comedy for a minute. You know what I mean? Yeah, you had that. There's a couple of people like that. Yeah, who else? I think Chappelle had some cool moments. Yeah, no, he's cool. Killing me softly towards that. As he got old, he became grumpier as he got older. Well, I mean, it's a thing though.

When you got his own clothing line and he wore it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the guy, come on. Yeah, you did. Yeah, I get it though. When you get that famous and that much money, you don't know what's real anymore. You don't know, your reality is a different thing.

And then we're still down here on the gutter going, you know, what the fuck are you doing? It's like, you gotta, you gotta. That's when you lose your friends. That's when people move on from there, you know. That's when they upgrade their friends. Yeah, they upgrade and stuff. That's like Gerard Carmichael, he's like that.

The guy who sucks feet? Yeah. Yeah. The feet sucker? Is that his new name, the foot sucker? Yeah, I told him, he's a good friend of mine. I texted him, I said, Yeah. The feet sucker? Is that his new name, the feet sucker? Yeah. He's a good friend of mine. I texted him, I said, I'm sending you a foot wash

for your birthday. I mean, dude, that was a crew watch on the bonfire. And I would rather see him open up a guy's asshole and lick it than see a fucking toe get sucked. I don't know why that to me was more, that was more fucked up to me to see a guy. You would have rather have seen this and then move the balls, you know what I mean?

I would rather see that and then yeah, move the balls and then like a little roid pop out and then just this. That then. It was something about the foot. The foot thing just fucked me up, man. It just, I'm not a foot person. It was something about the foot. The foot thing just fucked me up, man. It just, I don't know, I'm not a foot person. It was a lot.

I told him, I said, this show is like, you're at a therapy waiting room, and the door is cracked. It was. You know, you're just kind of like, ooh, I don't know if I'm supposed to hear this. It was like a tape that shouldn't have been released. It was like a P. Diddy party.

You know what I mean? It was like, tape that shouldn't have been released. It was like a P. Diddy party. You know what I mean? It was like, dude, we shouldn't be seeing this part. Yeah, it's probably one of the most vulnerable sort of like exposes about someone. But I don't know if it should be, but you know. I don't think so. I think that we people, I don't know, dude. I could be wrong.

My opinion is I watch people to go, are you farting? No. Oh. I'm old and my butt is killing me with this. Can you get a piece of rock so I can sit on that? That would be softer than this fucking chair. All right, relax, calm down. There's the Filipino in him coming up.

I, was that a false or true? I don't know. Anyways, he, no, it was just, it's like, dude, I watched that shit. You know why I watched that stuff? To get away. I don't watch, I don't wanna see reality. I know how fucking weird life is.

I know crazy, but what? I'm with you a thousand percent. Like when somebody says like, you know, like when somebody's like, they're talking about a show like Euphoria. I'm so glad you're with me. I thought you were gonna go against me. No, no, no, no, I'm with you on this. But're talking about a show like Euphoria. I'm so glad you're with me, I thought you were gonna go against me. No, no, no, I'm with you on this.

When somebody watches a show like Euphoria and they're like, this isn't a realistic depiction of high school. Who the fuck wants to watch that? Yeah, I don't wanna see. What, should she be in social studies class? Like learning shit or in detention or something? No, we wanna see big ass high school titties, drugs,

and like, you know what I mean? Like realistic, I know exactly. If I wanna see real life, I'll like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like shit. I don't like seeing people, like if you show me as a comic or a movie star or a TV person and then you do some reality thing. When you're at home. I don't wanna know John's seen his living room and that he's kind of. That's the thing.

Cause now I can attach, that's what's hard about podcasting though, like when you're podcasting and then you like try to, you like when you're acting. Okay, yeah. You know what I mean? People might be like, oh. Yeah, but we're still performing.

Yeah, yeah. Like people think that we do this stuff. We're trying, we're just, the reason why people do podcasts, the reason why I do it is just, there's people that like my comedy and here's another thing I'll talk about to get, but I'm still performing. I'm not letting you in fully right there's a lot of shit

you don't know about me let's get into it all right tell me about your foot fetish can you take your shoe off for a second just salivating at your feet since Tuesday but you'd be like an elbow thing, right? But I think we're on the same page. I think it's like, you know, there's a certain vulnerability that I don't think I need to see. All you have to do is when the guy comes over that you're going to bang, cut away.

I don't want to see real time toe sucking. I don't want to see this. Just go to where the sock comes off and then cut to a noise. Mwah, mwah, mwah. And then go back. Or should it go dark? Yeah, I don't want to see this. Just go to where the sock comes off and then cut to a noise. And then go back. Or should it go dark? Yeah, I don't want to see it. Just go dark and you just hear. I did love the fucking, the dude came over

that he wanted to take to the award show and he just, he just farted. Yo man, my ass. Tyler the creator. My ass is fucked up right now, dude, sorry. They had this weird, but he also confessed to him that he was in love with him. And the guy sort of kind of blew him off. It was so awkward. My ass is fucked up right now, dude. Sorry. They had this weird, but he also confessed to him that he was in love with him.

And the guy sort of kind of blew him off. It was so awkward. Don't do that. But how about this? Imagine being a person. This is why it's like it's vulnerable, but at the same time it's kind of contrived. Cause here's why. If you're on Grindr or whatever dating app.

What's Grindr? Whatever the gay dating app. I don't know that. Yes you did. Whoa. If you're. What the Grindr? Whatever the gay dating app. I don't know that. Yes you did. Whoa. If you're. What the fuck are you talking about dude? Like you're going to look back at these.

These squares. Like they don't know. These squares behind me. They actually hooked me up with my Grindr. But if you're looking at that and you're inviting someone over. He's doing, this is my Grindr guy. This is your profile?

Yeah, he does my Grindr videos. But if you're going someone over. This is my Grindr guy. This is your profile? He does my Grindr videos. But if you're going to have that, and then you're going to have to say on the Grindr message, hi, I'm actually filming a reality show. So when you get here, be ready for, there's going to be cameras. Because I would have loved to have seen a real honest reaction.

A guy come in being like, what the fuck? Yeah. That would have been like, okay. I'm married. Who are you fucking asshole? I have a wife and kids. Like he's blurred out, you know. I give him to suck some dick and get my dick sucked

and then go home to that old bag that hasn't touched me anymore. Fucking piece of shit. And it should have been like, what are you doing? Why are you fucking, you know, can he have to modulate his voice? Modulate his voice. Like that would be more like, oh, this is real.

I would like that. Yeah. If some fucking, and then this is real. I would like that. Yeah. If some fucking cheat. And then it's like a guy we kind of know. We can recognize him. Yeah, exactly. It's like Chris DiStefano. You see his stupid queer jacket.

But he's got on like a, like the pixelation is only like a Robin mask. You know what I mean? That's Chris. That's Chris, I think. Is that Chris DeLeon? It's just me. You can hear the guy saying, dude. I don't know about this Yeah, it's it's a weird thing I think it's uncomfortable too because if you said it was a girl that came over

Even still I think it's still uncomfortable. No, no, no, I don't care. Listen. I don't care about the gay part of it That doesn't matter. I love the gay part, but I'm saying I don't have an opinion about it either way. What I'm saying is that would be awkward too if it was just like a comic and he's on Tinder and he's swiping and then the girl comes over but if she's cool with the cameras, then I'm like, well, what is this? Yeah, if she started sucking his feet, I'd be like, ew.

Right, exactly. You'd be like, I don't know. Should we see this? Yeah, if she started sucking his feet, I'd be like, eww. Right, exactly. You'd be like, I don't know. Should we see this? No, you shouldn't. We shouldn't. Here's the problem. Here's the problem with everything. That's why he's cool.

It's avant-garde. But it is weird. I mean, think about all this stuff. Our entertainment right now, and I'm not smashing you. It's fine. There's entertainment for people watching an old guy play video games. That's entertainment. Yeah, but I have a different thing, though. I don't know what- You do it naked in J. play video games. That's entertainment.

Yeah, but I have a different thing though. I don't know what you do it naked and I don't know what grandma would be great, right? That's your hook. My dick is hooked. Right. I like how you were like that. That's not on the list of things to ask me about. No, but I'm also Montez from Workaholics. Yes. Video games. Yeah, dude, you- So people come on there and they're like,

oh, is that Montez? Oh man, you know, so I get that. All the people that knew me from Torgasm are dead. Yeah. No. Or dying on their way. I did, I just, you know what's funny about that? Is that weird to see the fans?

Like the fans- Yes, they now have money to come watch shows. Yeah, yeah. That's the difference thing now. It's a weird thing. I did some shows with Dane, where I went on like three or four of these big tour dates a year, right?

Yeah. And it was so interesting to see his fan base stay with him. And now they're like, this guy's 48, his wife's 46. He's 50. You know what I mean? I'm talking about the fans.

Oh, the fans, I'm sorry. Yeah. I just ratted him out, he's 50. I know. But I'm saying that his fans have been there for now 20 years. Yeah, they're old. So they're old now.

But that's what's happening with Workaholics fans. They're now, like this was their favorite show. They were the first. And now they're 39. They were the cool kids. Yeah, they got like, you know, so now it's like great. Now they finally have money. They didn't have money before to go to shows. Right. College kids couldn't go to a fucking comedy show. You know how expensive going to a comedy show is? Back in the day, yeah. You know? So. 20 bucks. Yeah.

For my ticket. So when you did work at Holics, that was on Comedy Central. How long did that go for? Seven years. Seven years. You don't have fucking money from us because it's Comedy Central, how long did that go for? Seven years. Seven years. You don't have fuck you money because it's Comedy Central? Thank you. Fuck. Let me tell you something right now. If I was only an actor season one, I would have had to have had a day job to pay my bills.

Are you kidding me? That was only in four episodes out of 10 in the first season. So it's what, it's scale or something? It was terrible money, terrible money. And then you have to pay your manager. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Government.

I had to bring my own lunch. It was no, it was until season like three or four. That's when it started. It was like, wow. You know, right. And then it went seven. That's good, though. Seven.

Well, actually, in the last two years, they did. They did. It's dirty. Really? Yeah. So like they always find a season like three, four four and five I believe it was like I was guaranteed ten even if I wasn't in ten. Right. Okay but it was like you had this like weird exclusivity where you couldn't do anything else without their permission

all this kind of shit but so then they picked up for two more seasons six and seven and then they took this what they did they said all right well now we're only guaranteeing five episodes. And then they raised the money, but it was only for five episodes. So that was a huge pay cut. Only reason why, there was a part of me that wanted to say no.

But the reason why I said yes. Because it was money. Because it was no exclusivity. You could go anywhere you want. I could do anything I want, and I actually booked I'm Dying up here. And that, so that- So I actually booked I'm dying up here. So I was on two shows at one time.

It's funny how things like that work out. That's the nerve wracking part. When do you roll the dice and say, you know what, no, and see what happens? There's a power in no. There's a power in no, I guess. Sometimes, I did that with a show called The 2-2. It's a great show, when I two two. It's great show runner road

It was a Robert De Niro and his partner on CBS The like the year that CBS Did he get picked up? They didn't cancel one show Every show. Oh wow was a hit on CBS. It was like when they were on fire and This show got was that and I was like, oh my god. This is De Niro. This is CBS. This is gonna this is it Another one of those dude. I booked this thing and I've done this a couple times on pilots where I was on a pilot and I Fucked around so much in the thing where they hired me on as a regular. Oh, I like that

I did that on a pilot. I didn't get the part, but they brought me in to get killed off. And they liked me so much, they were like, dude, we're going to bring you on as a regular. And they made me somebody out. They gave me somebody else's job. That person got fired, but fuck that. But on this one.

That sort of happened to me on Blunt Talk. I actually got another guy a job. We were in like a roll call situation. And the guy was like, the showrunner was like, dude, guys, you got to, somebody say something else. He gives a speech and then it's dead. So this other guy has to give a line and the guy gives a big speech, then this guy says his line about who you know, the owl, some fact. And I go, all right, enough Wikipedia out of you.

I go, enough Wikipedia, we got it. Shut up, something like that. He get, he was like, dude, we want to, we're gonna put you on the show. You're gonna be one of the regular cops. You're gonna have a funny line. You're gonna be the comic relief. You're gonna come in every episode,

say something funny, leave, say something funny, blah, blah, blah. Great. That other guy, they wrote him in as Wikipedia. I gave him a name. His nickname in the show is Wikipedia. I got that fucker a job. And it just get picked up? It went for a season.

Oh. And then the last, this is what a dickhead I am. I chose to say no. The last episode, I was like, hey man, I was like, are we gonna use you? They used me every episode. But then I was like, listen, I'm going away on vacation to Aruba.

Are you guys gonna use me or not? They're like, we don't know yet, we don't know yet. I go, look, well, I'm going to Aruba. And they were like, all right, and I went to Aruba. And the showrunner was like, are you crazy? I wrote you this crazy thing. Then say that. They didn't say it.

No, no, no, that's not on you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, no, no, that's just some, that's some power shit right there. I don't know. You hit them up and you're like, hey, cause you hit up the show runner, right?

You're like, hey, are you gonna go through your agents? I went through my agents. That was your mistake. I fucked up. You fucked up. I fucked up. Can't trust these fucks, they didn't even call. It was such a great, it was the last episode. Wow.

I love doing TV. Me too. A lot of comics are like, dude, fucking, I love comedy, fuck TV. I love a set. Comedy is just a means to an end. I love comedy too. But no, but comedy's great.

In the last five years, comedy's turned into a whole different thing. Right. You know, but like, I. In the last five years, comedy's turned into a whole different thing. Right. You know? But like, I love it. I love doing it. I love being on a set, too.

I love doing it and getting away from it. Get us on a set. Who's watching this? Oh, god. Is there a producer out there watching? No. No. No.

There's not. There's not. No one with any power and influence is watching this? You might get a hat. Maybe a hat. Can I get a sponsorship out of this or something? It might be a sandwich. It might be a sandwich.

I'm outraged. My friend who owns an Italian restaurant watches. Sometimes you get maybe a coupon. I'll get one of those cards where it's like, I have to buy six. After I buy six, I get a free one. Yeah, like a rigatoni bolognese. No, I do. I love being on a set. I love it. I love going in. You get your little trailer or you get

your thing, go to wardrobes in there. You get in, you go sit by the thing. You go to crafty, take a little thing, get a coffee. There's a PA. Can I get you something? Oh yeah. Love being like up in the call sheet, maybe six, five. I'm all right with that. I'm right. That's us. We're like five, six, seven, eight. That's where we're at. I'll tell you what. We live on five, six, that should be the name

of the podcast we do together. Five, six, seven, eight. Five, six, seven, eight. But dude, here's the thing, on a call sheet, people don't know this, is that, so in order of importance to the show. Yes, number one on the call sheet. Number one is the star, number two is the second star,

number three is the third, and you're on the call sheet. So they know when it says number one next to a scene, number one, four, and five, those are the people in that scene. So you get a little call sheet every day of what scenes they're shooting, where they are, kind of what time, and who's in those scenes. Now what's great about being, you know,

five, six, seven, eight is you'll get the call sheet and then on the numbers, you'll see the numbers and it'll be like this, one, two, one, two, three, one, two, one, two, three. Then it'll be like, you know, one and five. Yeah, then we get to chill. You get to show up, fuck it, dude, I love chilling. Yeah, you know what would have been a great show to be on?

Would have been like Modern Family. Because they had eight solid leads. And they split the show up where it was following different people. So those must have been great weeks. Great weeks. Like three days of work and you're done. When did that go?

How many years? I think they did nine, 10 years. I think it's 10. Yeah, oh, they made so much money. And dude, if we could just get on a, I just want a network show for the next, the last eight of my career. Hello, right?

And I'm out. I'm out. You want to be like the dad on that 70s or something. Dude, we get one show, me and you. We're like aging cops or something. Yeah, we do eight, we're cops that can't solve, and can't help any. Or we're like stunt men that can't do it anymore.

Get your stunt men. Get your stunt men. No, no, but we used to be stunt men. We used to be stunt men. So we're retired stunt men. Yeah, we're retired stunt men. We're stunt men that are on set just making sure the real young stunt men. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, right, I like that. I like that. Stunt trainers or something like just anything. We call it stunted. Yeah, oh, I love it. Oh no, we call it stints because we both have heart attacks and we have stints. All our bones are broken. It's at a certain point. Something something back on the sack. I don't need to be number one. I want to be five, six. Yeah, I want to be Larry. I want to be Larry from company. How great. Just do, hey, hey, oh, Mr. Roper, ready? You say a line. Remember the Mr. Roper? You look at the camera.

No, what a crazy story. You know how they made the Ropers? What? So the Three's Company was so big, the Ropers, they got their own show. But they said to them, all right, but if this doesn't go, we get to come back. And they were like, yeah, you will come back.

But Don Knotts was so funny. He was so funny. That's Mr. Furley. That was it. Yeah, they fucking, you can't. That was it for the Ropers. You can't add Don Knotts to a show. One of the funniest guys.

And you know what? Can you even imagine? Like the balls on those people. Underrated. Nobody talks about Don on those people. Underrated. Nobody talks about Don Knotts. They should. He was the phenomenal. We're old.

Yeah, we're so old. We're talking about Don Knotts. Wow. These kids don't even know. They think we're talking about like fishing knots. Whoever was, donuts or something. Those Don Knotts. Here's what we do.

We get a show. We fucking do seven years. Seven, eight. And then we do Twitch streams. No, what are you talking about? We're not Twitching at that point. No, we Twitch at the end. We just gotta get it up to like what?

What would be like, so it's 20 episodes a year, okay? 20 episodes a year. 20 episodes a year. That's network, we're on network. Network, we're on network. We're on network 28 years. It's a sitcom too. It's a three camera sitcom. It's on the studio.

Multi-cam, so it's multi-cam. So how much are we getting an app? Okay, so it's probably starting us off. If we're the star, if we're one in two, it's probably gonna start around 75. No, I only want 50. Oh my gosh. I don't deserve that.

So I'll take your 25. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want to have more. I'll be at 100. I don't want to have more. All right, 75, 75. The reason why it's gonna to be 75, too, is because we're probably going to also be like producers.

OK, but we get producer money. Yeah, but that's part of it. We're going to be writers, too. That's going to be a part of it. Oh, for writing. We're going to be writing. No, that's why I'm telling you. They're going to start us because we're like older.

They're going to start us at like 75, 80. 75, 80. And that's to write, produce, and act. That's everything. That's all inclusion. OK, 75, 80. But if it's a hit. Oof, it's gonna be.

If it's a hit, it's gonna go. It's gonna be a hit. If we get to a third season. Oh, that's 60 episodes. We're talking about, at that point, it's gonna get up to like 150 each per episode. 150 each, so 150 times 20 is what? That's, come on, quick math.

Hey, Siri, how much is a hundred and seventy times 20? So it's like three million three point four million dollars a year As we don't want them to hear I know we go into dude Indication yeah, we're in Australia, Canada. Oh, I was in Germany, by the way, and I saw Workaholics, and I saw the person that was dubbing my voice. It was hilarious to watch. Oh, really? Yeah, and then we're doing that.

We're doing like, you know. We're doing that, too. We need to do it. And maybe we pick a type of show that we could do like, like, like, you know, like Comic-Con, like Star Trek. You know, like how, you know, like, you know how they're, they're going to like the festivals and things.

They're making like a, we do a thing where we could do appearance fees. Appearance fees, we go in, but then we do standup. Right? Oh my God. You forgot about that. Got me excited. Yeah, that's what it is.

How about this dude? How about this? Have you done it? We're like Billy Gardell. Yeah, that's what it is. How about this dude? How about this? Have you done it? More like Billy Gardell. Yeah, oh Billy's. Billy man. Oh Billy, that bastard. I'm gonna tell you something.

That motherfucker, any lost weight looks fantastic. I'm just saying like to be on this many shows. Fuck you Billy. Yeah, he's just like, to get like, that's what you want. You wanna be the fat husband of the star fat girl in a show. It goes seven seasons to the point where you're making 250 an episode.

Billy Gardell told me a great story. We were at, what the fuck is the one over in the valley? What is that, CBS or NBC? That's CBS, Radford. Radford, that's it, Radford, OK? So it's all the big studio. Yeah, that's CBS, too. So we go over there, and we're auditioning together

for a show. And it's all actors, and me and him, we're stand-ups. And we're outside fucking shooting the shit, making each other laugh, blah, blah, blah, and all the actors are reading their lines. They're just serious. So he told me the story that I think Seinfeld, he goes, you know, Seinfeld,

and this is before he was anybody, anything. We're just trying to get a part. And he goes, you know, I've heard a story about Seinfeld, and this is before he was anybody, anything. We're just trying to get a part. And he goes, you never hear a story about Seinfeld said, he could always tell the comedians between the actors. Because the actors were out there reading their lines, really rehearsing in the hallway, like this could be the biggest thing in their lives. And the comedians who all had the same attitude,

like this is fucking up my whole afternoon. It's true. It's like auditioning. Yeah. Comedians on those nine 11 planes like this. I'm going to miss my connection. Exactly. It's like this stupid. That's the same thing that happened on I'm dying up here. I get it. I walk into the room for the test. Yeah. Bunch of actors in Santino and we see each other, we're like, oh, what's up man? We're just shooting the shit and everybody's just like, we're not to be, we're not to be.

And we're just like shooting the shit. I remember I went into the, when I went in and it's like the head of Showtime's there and we're about to test, about to read this part for this dramatic role. And I look on the table and it's a headshot of they got off the internet. Of you. Of me.

This is my first thing, this is what I said. Why the hell you using that headshot? That's the first thing I said when I walked in the room. What? You know, and he, the guy at the time, he was like, all right, so why don't you like this? I'm like, look at it. I don't even look like that anymore.

The actors would never do that. This is what you write. Actors walk in, hello, nice to meet you. Yeah, you know what I mean? Who do I need to? You know? I picked my nose in Audition for La Nota and I got the part. I picked it, I had a booger on my nose and I panicked.

I was like, oh, this is going to fall out. This is going to fall out. You had a panic pick? You panic picked. This is coming out. I'm like, first three lines, this is going to roll into my mouth, and they're going to throw up. Or for me, it would stop at the mustache,

and I'd just be like, you know. Dude, I remember I was sitting there, and I'm like, I've got to take care of it. So they were like, action. I was like, and I just went in my nose, and I picked it up. I rolled it. I flicked it. I waited for the sound, and then I delivered my first line.

And I heard the director go, and I was like, oh, thank God. Booked it. And I got it. I got it. And they probably were looking at the tapes, and the guy said, book the booger guy. I'm the booger guy. I've been the hat guy, the booger guy. There you go. Book the booger guy. That's great. That guy's still telling that story. You are a story. When directors are sitting around, how we're sitting around, there's

a director podcast going on right now, and the guy's saying, guy, you ever see those dumb auditions? And this guy's like, yeah, one time this guy came in and he picked a booger. I booked him. That's me, Booker Bob. Booker Bob. Booker Bob.

I want to be back on TV so bad. That should be the name of our sitcom. Booker Bob. No, Boogers. What's the club, Boogers? It can't be Boogers. It's got to be Booger Bob. It's a work in progress.

We got to figure out. It's a working title. What if that really happens? What if somebody is watching right now and be like, oh, dude, I love these two. Their chemistry is great. Their chemistry is fantastic. And in six years, we're just gazillionaires.

We're just looking at each other like. Ah. Ah. Ah. That's the promo for the fucking show. I will fucking stop this show immediately. You give me fucking $10,000 an episode, I'm out. You hear that? Hey, for the producer watching that's going to book this, he's low balling himself.

You got to give me $80. I want $90. I deserve it. I'm good enough. And gotta give me 80. I want 90. I deserve it. I'm good enough. And that's what cancels the show. We can't move forward because we're fighting over who should get what. We'll agree on it.

We'll agree on it. What was that, oh my God, what was that show? Mad About You. Yeah. Okay, so Mad About You was- Yeah, big show. Helen- Helen DeGeneres.

No, no, it wasn't Helen. Helen DeGeneres. No, no, it wasn't Helen. Helen Degeneres. That's a completely different. That's what they call her now. They call her Helen. Helen Mum. Helen Merman. No.

Helen Rumple-Stiltskin. Helen Hunt. Oh, sorry. Helen. Yeah, we're old. Sometimes names just escape me. Dude, we're fucking old. Yeah, I forgot what podcast I was coming to.

I forget who you all are. I thought you were fucking Joe Coy. I'm Filipino again. No, but I remember, if I remember the story correctly, it was like, so it was Helen Hunton, who was the other guy? Paul Reiser. The Jews.

How dare you, it's Paul Reiser. Another one of theirs. So I think it was like, she was the star, so she was getting a certain amount of money per episode. And I think he made a deal. He said, well, I gotta get $1 less than her. $1 more? No, less, because she was the star.

So when you're at the star and you're like, well, we gotta pay that person, you go, okay, well, I can't make more money than the star. Okay, well, pay me $1 less. I think it was something like that. But it might be an old wives tale. I think it was $1 more. You think so? I think it was $1 more.

No, no, no, it was $1 less. Look it up. Let's make a bet right now. I'll bet you a dollar. All right, you got it. A dollar right now. Look it up. What am I looking at?

I don't know. I mean, you're the producer. Are you not paying attention? I mean, are you listening to the show? Yeah, are you on MySpace over there? What are you doing? I mean, you're five seconds away. Let me ask Mush, what are we looking up, Mush? Paul Reiser's Paladin of Heaven. Thank you. He, like, this guy's like, he's got ass burgers over there.

He remembers. They all have a burger. I had one earlier. He remembers the whole conversation. But if you fuck with Danny, he just gives up and looks at the sky. Okay, he gave up. He's like, I'm going to go to the bathroom.

I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to fuck with Danny, he just gives up and looks at the sky.

He gave up. He's panicking. It doesn't even challenge him. He's like, OK, whatever. I have so much stuff in my brain I'll think about. I was actually doing this out all night. I know. I was kidding.

I was actually doing it. I was actually doing a comedy podcast, making fun of you, to make him laugh so the people watching would laugh. Please put this fuck on camera right now that he just ruined another bit. There he is. That's what we have to deal with. That's what we're dealing with right now.

He lived up. All right, we got to get you out of here. You got to show. Dude, first of all, you got your movies in town. What's it called again? It's called the Everything Pot. When is this coming out? I don't know yet.

Huh? It'll be this Sunday. This Sunday? Well, actually, today. Today. We got people watching live, right? Yeah. Yeah.

We got people watching. Well, on Sunday, just go to Tribeca. Look for The Everything Pot. That movie's coming out. And so, you know, and there's been a bunch of articles where we're like, one of the top 11 movies to watch. That's great. We're one of those. Well, dude, you know, it's, and there's been a bunch of articles where we're like, you know, one of the top 11 movies to watch. We're one of those. Well, dude, you're a great actor

and everything I've seen you and you're fantastic. I appreciate it. I mean, your comedy is good, but your acting is fantastic. You see that little subtle burn right there? You're a fucking hilarious comedian. Hilarious guy, but you're also a sweetest guy. You've always been nice, dude.

Let's work on our show. And we're gonna get this show going. We're gonna get this show on the air. If this happens, I'll shit hilarious comedian. Hilarious guy, but you're also a sweetest guy. You've always been nice, dude. I spoke on our show. And we're going to get the show going. We're going to get the show on the air. If this happens, I'll shit my pants. Yeah, it'll be great. And we got your, this is me? That's you. Okay.

I got nothing. You got no dates? Yeah, because I had a baby. Yeah. I was doing this directing. I hear you. You know? I got St. Louis coming up.

We got Timonium, Maryland. We got Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Barnstable Mass. A bunch of stuff. We get the regs at the Gramercy. When's that, Danny? July 10th. July 10th, the regs podcast at the Gramercy. And then we got, of course, the regs comedy show at the Melody tent in August. What's up? I can ask you about your calendar. Why do you have the city and state as the bigger text as opposed to being like you're at the melody tent in barn stable?

Because it matters more the area. They don't care where it is. They don't. Doesn't mean they want to know Massachusetts. Oh, that's where we live. This is punch up live. You know, punch up live. You on there yet? No, you got to get on punch up live. Okay. It's the best. Really? I've never heard of that. It's the best. You know Punch Up Live. Are you on there yet? No. Dude, you gotta get on Punch Up Live. Okay. It's the best, dude. Really? I've never heard of it. It's the best. You could put it on your, you could probably like export it to your website.

Dude, you just fucking make Punch Up your website. Fuck websites, it's stupid. Just go there. I got my special up there. All right. Unedited. Punchuplive.com. Punchup.live, yes.

Punchup.live. Punchuplive.com. Punchuplive.com. Punchup.live. What? Punchup.live. What? Punchup.live. Punchuplive.com. Punchuplive.com. Punchup.live. What? Punchup.live. What? Punchup.live.

Fucking you. So websites, this guy's on it. Like websites, he was like, oh, no, no, no, no, you stupid fucks. Anyways, we, dude, thanks for coming on. Make sure you check him out. We'll see you guys next. What do you guys got? Max Marcus Comedy, all social media. Faster. Danny Braff on Instagram. I'm gonna be

at the Dojo comedy June 14th and Joe Russell jokes for us on Instagram. Watch the cheese show. What do you got? There you go. Make sure you check these guys out. Yeah. Eric Griffin thank you so much. Thank you. Good to see you man. Come back. Questions for the Patreon people, so keep watching on Patreon. And if you're not on Patreon, get on Patreon now. I'm about to say that, you fuck. What are you jumping in the show like you're my sidekick?

Yeah, we challenged him now. He's like stepping up. Yeah, dude, what are you doing? Exactly like you forgot. I didn't forget. When I forget, I go, I forgot. Fucking asshole. I can't stand you right now.

It's almost like they had a meeting, like you know how Bob forgets shit. He gets all fucking stupid. Booger Bob forgot. Anyway, we're gonna go to Patreon right now. If you want it, we're gonna have questions from the Patreon, from you guys, asking Eric. So if you guys want to be part of the Patreon,

go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Support the show. If you're watching be part of the Patreon, go to patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. Support the show. If you're watching it on YouTube, click subscribe and hit that little button that will remind you when it's coming out. Thank you for all the subscribers on there. Tell a friend, keep it going. And go to Patreon if you wanna support the show.

It's like five bucks, something like that. You guys are the best fans in the world. We'll see you guys next time on, you know what the podcast. Later. on you know what the podcast later