Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Escape Goat

Episode Date: March 28, 2016

This week we have: Joe List, Luis J Gonez, Wil Sylvince, and Zac Amico. We have guests host Wil Sylvince sitting in for Bobby while he films Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll! We talk about our fears and ask whether or not women hitting men is a problem. We talk about the blocking of a guy from the chat room and problems with Twitter trolls. Watch / Listen and Enjoy! RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Welcome to the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a cost-effective. This podcast has no rules. What are the mic-ass holes? Oh, I'm sure I've already said, should I regret? Can I get a microphone? Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic- hall. I'm sure I've already said should I regret? Can I get a mic or? Oh, what the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic-head.

I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, yapping. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's a tad no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin. That's how it all holds the stars you love. You want to do anything? My podcast is popular enough where I might affect somebody's life

You never know It's Robert Kelly, so you know what to podcast on lightcast.com Yeah Yo, what's up, man? I know what's coming that was all it was too black. Yeah, it was all like yo, what's up, baby? This is a fucking love hour. Hey, hey, how y'all doing? You do a Bobby Kelly impression to to open up the show. Yeah fucking fucking dude man fucking fucking yo fucking this guy Here's a asshole. This guy has a second ass hole. I got two assholes, and I shoot one time a day That was amazing

Perfect The whole show will is ever done. He's like why didn't we do a sound check? I can't hear myself. My own, my live, they're going to need to hear me. Look, there's lineup. Well, then you're the fortunate one, not all of us. Oh, keep that band in there. Yeah, first bomb. First bomb. Yeah.

Look, look, this is my show. I'm going to start right. I don't like the way Bobby started. He got nobody, nobody's spec. From left to right, because I'm left handed, A, by and do so selves. Yo, this is Deepu. What's going on? I am so weird. So weird. Hold's to ourselves. Yo, this is Deepu, what's going on?

I am so weird. So weird. So you're packaging this is respect for everyone because you don't remember anybody's names. I know A by and do. I was asked A by and name. OK, what's his full name? Zach.

Zach's something, something exactly. What's her full name? Garin, what? Nice booty. First name is fine. What's his first name? That's Deepu, Dupu. What's his last name?

Nobody knows. First name is pretty good. My name is Humpty pronounce with an empty Dupu, what's up? I hold on how you doing today Dupu? Doing great. I'm still writing high off that applause I got three weeks ago. All right. Thank you. What are you doing asking Dupu? Well, you come on get over here Yes, so we got to swing it around to the heavy hitters. Are you Paul? This is pointing. Yes. I'm Joe. List. To put a week around a snake real ass dude, the ultimate minority, the artist formerly known as a Harrison of MMA radio hashtag the show, Louis

Jake. Don't forget the J. He has a attitude. You'll say the J. God them right. I'm Lewis's friend, Zach. Why are you guys being Lewis shadow man and your shadows way bigger than Lewis yeah Okay, you should have let us handle some sort of shadow joke. We would have figured it out. Yeah, okay You look like a shadow Pretty good. Come on. It's pretty good. You're very dark complexion. This is scopa. What's up? And Lauren Cubera. Oh Cubera? Yeah, no way. You know what I like about you know what I like about today?

Right. She's already funny with the scope of it. You got to have your ball either. You're all you're not. All right, I'm just starting. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I just agree with you. I agree with you. And she's not a comic. No, she did three minutes. Well, according to the forward in the book, wrote, uh, whatever the story, no stories from the road. Jerry Seinfeld wrote the forward for it And he said as soon as you do comedy one time you're comic thank you That's what I felt you know my my this is my Criteria for a comedian or a professional comedian when you have a paid gig that you don't want to do

When you're driving to a gig that pays you're like motherfucker, and I am not a comedian Yes, I say that right because it's for while you're paid and you're like, oh, I'm getting paid. If you job a car one time, does that make you a car driver? Yes. A car driver? I mean, I've never heard anyone call himself a car driver before. A driver? I think the standard you're comedian if you don't have a day job

and you make your money through comedy or through. So you got to do a job. There's a lot of people that do have day jobs that are comedians, because they have a very hard way to make a buck. According to Lewis' definition, you're not a comic or you hold a side job. No, you're not a professional comic yet.

So why are you making your money? What if your side job is a rider on a nice show? Why are you yelling at me? I got a job. You're like Robert Kelly. Because if you're middleing on the road, you can't make a living middleing on the road. But if you're middleing on the road every fucking week, you living middleing on the road If you're middleing on the road every fucking week you're a professional comedian

But you're making 12 grand a year going and driving in Uber you're an Uber driver that does comedy That's silly. There's a line on the tonight show. That's crazy. You're a fucking t-shirt salesman then I mean give me a break What are you talking about? I sell t-shirts for the product that I call you So you're not a cop. You're doing you're making podcasts money. you make a t-shirt money some of these people there instead of doing that They're fucking working at sears over like you're fucking dumb I'm not dumb If you fucking like you're dumb You're like you're dumb

If you're a writing job because you're a comic you're a fucking comic, okay? That's it if you're if you're writing on the tonight show if you're if you got a radio show and that's how you're making your money Yes, that counts as a comic because you got that because you were doing comedy and that is payment and that job came from you Do comedy you don't get a job as an Uber driver because you were struggling for 10 years If you're fucking middleing 25 weeks a year and then you're driving an Uber two days a week You're a fucking professional Some people got a job not from that standup, but from writing

They submit a writing package and almost people never someone do stand up. So that means they're not comic No, not a for not a standup Well, what do they want to make extra money on the side? You're saying that they don't know? I don't think you're a professional comedian yet. I think you're an amateur comic. I don't know This is crazy. I think the word professional means you get paid for it, right? Yes You can pay 25 weeks a year Middling on the road if you know the road. If you've been in the road, have you ever fucking middle-rooted?

I mean, literally, you're just saying a hundred and fifty bucks. We're just kind of arguing, like, just something stupid. We're not having a discussion, Lewis. I just think that what you're saying is crazy. The box is probably arguing, someone gets stabbed, but this is a discussion, right? I have no idea what you just said. There's subtitles.

I'm fortunately now. Can we get a will-silvent translation, like a robot, but we're just spit it out. I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to tell you that.

I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to tell be here. I did not say that because I knew you were gonna be upset if Bobby was not here I wouldn't be upset. I'd be happy because I wouldn't have to be here. I'd be here Yeah, but I'm not messing in the sunshine So wait so you have a I only come cuz I want to see Bobby. I don't come here for the rest for the fun I want to hang out with Bobby, but he doesn't call back because he's a T-shirt Bobby so

There's a life size picture Bobby right on that wall That's a fun joke for the four people in the room. That's a actual that's actual size picture. That's what Lewis said Yo, so I'm Visual joke and then you made the same visual joke on a podcast We got more That's what I made. A lie-size. Also, Joe, you fuck face. It's a video podcast and like 15 to 20% of the people

that enjoy this podcast enjoy it through video means. I, well, they better get, do you have a shot of this? You have something to give it skill? Oh, well then, Joe. All right, well, those, oh, Conti Joe. There we go, everyone. Joe, you all bit Conti's today. I'm not, I'm upset.

I came in and do Bobby's show. He's not even here. This is Bobby's show. All right, well, it looks like it you all been content today. I'm not I'm upset I came in to do Bobby show He's not even here. This is Bobby show. All right. Well it looks like it's Will show today Well Bobby slumped over in his chair. So that's Bobby from a few months in the future Well look at Zack's body if you want to think about Bobby But it's a much different bodies both horrific, but what's different? So um, I want to talk about the day by day, um, the day by day, um, the new Avengers trailer with Spider-Man. Yep.

What do you think? That was pretty good. Those big surprise at the end. I was kind of cool. Spider-Man came down. Did, did, did, what do you, did the best Spider-Man? What? Who plays Spider-Man now? You say like 17 year old kids.

Really? Yeah, it's more like a no. No, no, it's a white kid. It's another difference. He's from England, I believe. No, that's the old that's Tom Holland is the old one. I've read the old ones from England. It's more no. Okay. I'm fucking all the actors from England now. Is that right?

I think so. Like Eager's Alba. You said his name right wrong. Well, you're gonna start pointing out people saying things wrong? You're a great teeth. How do you get great teeth? God stole them. Is that what you want to say?

No, why is everyone going to make everything racist? You make everything racist. What are you talking about? I saw you like that. You brought their shadow earlier. I said you look similar to a shadow. Yes, but then I said you have nice teeth. And you're like, what do you think I stole them?

No, I don't think you stole them. I think you did something to get them. Do you have white cleaned? No, said you have nice teeth. You like what do you think I stole them not like you stole them I think you you did something To get them do you have white cleaned no just brush my teeth. Oh, you know, I use I brush my teeth and I mine I fucking golly lock. I say what to use or do we do you use it sure water pick? Oh I've heard about that never floss my teeth since having floss my teeth never what is it? I floss every day water pick is like it shoots water into your mouth What the wait why what's a water pick? It's like a dick, but with water.

Yeah, many dick, but I mean, I don't know. And you sprays right on your teeth. Okay, you know how like when you floss in between the teeth, you just get in between the teeth, the water pick goes out of the gums and in between the teeth all round two. But that doesn't whiteen them. You have white and you get straight. But I think that's just contrast.

You could put, you could put, you could put mystery and you could put like stuff in it, mix with the water and it sprays the teeth your teeth are straight white. They're fucked in this business I see all right, I'm gonna get one of power bottom. The same thing. It's doing to your teeth. I see. All right, I'm going to get one of those. Great. We'll get to that. I'll get to. We'll put it in the house, Joe.

Oh, great. Let's do it. Oh, do we ever? Oh, another sign of not being a professional comedian, having multiple roommates. That's, so you got roommates. Not multiple roommates, yeah. So when me and put shoots to live in together,

you say, put shoots is not common. Amateur hour. This is just how you haves because she kicked you out hold on the whole of New York City as my race you live with ten people i don't you before the weekend well that's racist i'm gonna count every time we'll set something is that a nine i think i didn't make that

who idea idea what why don't we have a racist bandana and a bomb danna okay we can get someone's gift hand to buy a new house right now baby it's a white hood and said yeah that's that's the racist I got to be white it's yellow that's yellow like Chinese people oh like oh come on deep who hey you're holding it like you're holding it no that you're right there I like it it's yellow like Luah Joe's teeth oh geez best to make a racist. That was racist. You're a teeth, is this? Do you care when people are racist?

Do you, does it matter to your people, like say, do you notice? Can I say something? Can I say something? Can you? I really don't care, man. It's people's a pretty man. We live in this country for you

to have the right to think what you want. Like when they took down the Confederate flag, I'm thinking, I'm like, dude, why? Let them have it. It's a freedom. And we know where to go, where not to go. Is your right to hold your views or how you feel about different ethnicities?

Is your right to hold, you know, walk around with the Confederate flag? By the way, the Confederate flag thing really kind of tapered out. It's still up in all these government things and no one's even talking about anymore. It's all this the fucking, that's the flavor of the day.

Nobody gives a fucking more thing because the guy shot is. People are outrate. This is crazy. Fuck you. No one cares anymore. It's all this the fucking that's the sex the flavor of the day. Nobody gives a thousand more thing because the guy shot. People outrate. This is crazy. Fuck you. No one cares anymore. I'm pretty sure people are still dying. People are still dying of Ebola right now,

but it's just not a second story. We got over it. It's not in America, that's a problem. But you know what it is? They, when that guy shot the church, they needed an escape code. And it was too much to put on white people. Let's get white, but no, let's take a good look. He just makes so many mistakes speaking that you can't correct all of them. I have to all right

I'll let them say escape go that's fine I Got you just scapegoat. Yeah, why say you said escape go I got go his family go to escape get it. There's no such thing as scapegoat Escape go escape go but what what do you what does that word mean to escape something? Get it. There's no such thing as scapegope. That was scapegope. Skate, scapegope. But what does that word mean to escape something? No, not escape. It's scape.

Yeah, I know. But what is it? The email, that's a thing. It means you try to avoid attention from something, right? Yes. Pretty much, yes. So the word escape goes with it. Yeah, that's scape.

Here's the thing. Here's the thing about language. The whole thing is to convey ideas and when you say it I know what they're talking about so it works But there's a bunch of people being like what if I can idiot so there's also that you know Okay, but they had to write today opinion exactly and I don't agree I think you're very smart and you have a great teeth and nice biceps and your cock is good man is yeah, well you're dirty Migger Jesus and nice biceps and your cock is bananas. Yeah, well, you're dirty migger. Jesus, close.

So it's getting the whole thing down on that. Where's this end bump? Oh my God. I said anything together. But I agree, because I also am white, so I don't have to, I have the luxury to not give a shit. I'm the Confederate flag. Who gives a shit, the Confederate flag?

All right, who cares? It's a fucking flag. You can walk out every day and all have to worry about, you know, what color you are, I walk out every day. No, I know what we're talking about. If he walks through the hood, he is being robbed 98% of the time. Yeah, but that's when the kids called,

but 98% of the time during his day, he don't have to think about what color he is. This does. Well, you don't have to either. In my apartment, you know, we have to think about what color you are. Then when I leave, they'd be like, oh, look at that dude right there.

Yeah, some people will probably do that, I'm sure. What's your family from, Lauren? Jersey. No, you know. Oh, Italy. Yeah. Oh, so you like it. Yeah.

I think it's Spanish. How you get a nice bully like that? I don't know. It's got nice butts. All the towns got nice bully. All the towns got nice bullies. All the towns got nice bullies. Yeah, they're fucking fat in the trunk, bro.

You like it, haven't heard. How about women? She's got to walk around here. He's talking about eye raping her. You're talking about her I train we're gonna run an eye train. I train. I rape. It's all the same Yes, I know what you mean these women have it hurt so long. Yeah, how you feel about this when I give it to him? All right, what's with no no no no your female? Okay, you walk out right and you get you get you have a get a cacol cacol Yeah, I mean yeah Now more time

Nice Dumped what she go and what I go through is the same thing. Oh, it's different No, she's she has it wait. She's the better than everybody in this fucking room You're not no you know you know what? What As a hot woman you have a harder you have every advantage afforded you in life The grossest disgusting people will come up to me and do this And then also the hottest people come up to you so who would you drink? No, they like fucking Put you on their show at New York comedy club No, this is the comedy seller.

Listen to all the shows. Wait, so you think you got it worse than black people? No, that's not what I said. You said you got it worse than black people and shit. No. You don't have to yell into the mind. Oh, wait, Bobby. Because the race is black.

Bobby be yelling. You scat the Bobby. Well, you're a little bit mic technique. Okay, wait for a minute. Yeah, wait. That's better. bit a little mic technique. You can wait from it. Yeah That's about it. Yeah, okay, okay, Lewis. Now. I can hear you well, I they I Wanted to host and they wouldn't let me that why you angry. I'm always angry, but yeah Yes, 100% great move. No, no, no, you should commit to will in the host. Yeah, let's have well the host Let's give another ten minutes maybe

Let's talk about Deepo's dick. Whoa. Deepo got the dude. Yeah, there's no way we want to talk about this racism versus feminism. That's not a good topic. Yeah. Let's talk about Deepo's dick instead. Well, that probably has more legs.

And what? And smells. I thought I had a wart. She's a bump. Oh, yeah, what are you calling me? Send it all my way. I know it all. I do want to the doctor. But I was like, there was a two-week period. It was like, oh, dude, I had a word. It's just a bump. Oh, yeah, why do you call me send it all my way? I know it all I do why went to the doctor But I was like there was a two-week period was like I do it. I got a fucking war. It's over

You go to plan parenthood by the way. I went to my doctor So the dog you get what you go to plan parenthood. It was that one right off. Well, this wasn't a fucking war It was what was it? It was like a bump. He was like yeah, that's just natural Like you're just gonna get bumps. What? A natural bump in your dick. Yeah natural bump on my deck. I never heard of like, yeah, that's just natural. Like, you're just gonna get bumps. What? Maybe it was in your hair. A natural bump in your dick? Yeah, natural bump on my dick. I never heard of that. Yeah, it's a little bit weird, because I can feel it when I jerk off now,

because I use lube, so I just like, when I'm struggling, it feels like, it's on my dick, it's on my shaft. Dude, how big is a dick? Is it that small, just right there? Like, is it on the shaft, is on the head, is on the bottom? It's on the shaft.

So, and you want to just go over it? What go over it when you juggle just make a homework project Skipper when you juggle no, I cuz I do I do those fucking like long strokes like I get the whole What boss not doing long strokes? Yeah, I am Well, not like in my dick not that big. I'm saying but the stroke like, I come down the head and then I come all the way back up. Oh wow, this is sexual over the top. Yeah, I really love that. I'm literally getting a bit of a heart on it right now.

It's my favorite movie, too. Yeah, what movie? It's the long top of the top. That's your favorite movie? Oh my god. So he's deep behind you in that movie? Yeah, over the top. He puts his head backwards, poor.

He turns it off, yeah. He's on my way. You know what, dude? All right, dude. So deep, dude, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's been a known thing on the show that I haven't gotten a blowjob yet if you're life Yeah until last Monday Well Oh

God Deep who got a blowjob Hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold, hold on. You want to take this piece of time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is it you have not got a blowjob until... Well, I've had my digging girl's mounds for the record. Like, up until the... They're sleeping, that doesn't matter. Wait, hold on, wait, hold on. Let's go to... Let's go to Lewis.

Is that a blowjob? She put her dick in his mouth. See, I say it's not. I'm like, not if she has a day job. Is that a blowjob or not? Wait, what's this situation? What's she saying? You fucking copy deems. So, you know, a couple of times when I knew like something

like that was gonna happen the next day, I just masturbated so much the day before that my gentles just exhausted. Wait, you know you're gonna get a blowjob the next day? Even your hookups are pre-arranged. Yeah. Wow. Now we're off and running.

Yeah, baby. So yeah, like that happened a couple of times and the last time I made sure I didn't jerk off and running. Yeah, baby. So yeah, like that happened a couple times. And the last time I made right in jerk off for like, a good three days. Hold on, hold on, hold on. So hold on, hold on, hold on. Yeah, good, good, well. So you saying that you jerk off so much

that you have Dick and Justin. Yeah. Oh, you said that one. I said it right. No, you said it right here though. Yeah. He's just laughing. He's just nervous.

Okay, you had Dick and Justin. All right, well. And so, the first time. And so a girl come over and say, Yeah, you just laughing he's racist nervous. Okay, you had dick exhaustion And so a girl come over say hey, can I put can I can I put your dick in my mouth? You like no, baby I'm good. You you turn a girl down you know, well no, they would I would just fucking I so hard to like stop them They just put in their mouths and it's kind of like a softy and it's just like I think it like disgusted by it Why would you let the put yourself taking your mouth? Yeah, are you what kind of like a soft thing. It's just like, uh, like disgusted by it. Why would you let the put yourself taking in, man? Yeah, are you? What kind of drive you? Why would you show yourself, dick?

I'll never show myself, dick. And if you drove off the soft dick, what are you talking about? Everyone on earth is seeing yourself, dick. No, it was on his way to saw, but you ain't see like, like, Dr. Bannon. I mean, with a one night shift, like a fucking bowling shoe, though. Just like a long, long, long, long, little backup here. So you jerk off, it's a nightmare move.

Let me say this. You jerk off the night before, because you know you're gonna need a blowjob the next day. Maybe a couple times, yeah. And that, the next day you're like, all right, well now I can't get my dick hard. That's not the way it works. That's goofy.

Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? It could be nervous, he could be nervous though. Yeah, that's the problem as you have. It could be nervous because we have some fun. Yeah. Wait, so the reason you've never gotten a blowjob is because you've never hard enough to get a blowjob the two times

I could have gotten a blowjob. Oh, I see and they get offended what what no one time and then the other time Girl I was dating she was leave what they what a Indian one was Indian yes I know I think it's a polar burger down. I Anything Indian girls are good blow jobs. She put it in her mouth. She tried it But you know she's a witness sees a pair you know, she's kind of faggot. I might think this sees a pair of lips. It's just straight to the top. Yeah, the Indian girl had a small mouth like Joe,

so that might have been the thing too. Like Joe. Yeah, I have a small mouth. It's tight, bro. Yeah. So are you just saying you've never been blowed to completion? Right, and that's what I consider a blow job. Oh, oh, oh, oh, see, this is like an asterisk.

Like, dumb Lewis's side job, blow job. Yeah, blow job, you just didn't blow an asterisk like dumb Lewis's side job. Yeah, you have low job You just didn't blow a low wait So you get to say your random definition of a comedian is the first time you turn down a gig some random obscure fucking thing that nobody in the world Thanks, but because I say once you're making your living through comedy means then you're comedian. I'm crazy I'm saying that there's a lot of people that are on the road More than working more than you Once you've been ruined the family and pursue a mediocre comedy career

But you know they all lot of women they all lot of women. They don't count. I like to they don't count Dude like you asked them how many partners they had by all I only had three guys I fuck but then they they don't count guys that don't come in their mouth. Mm-hmm They don't count guys it was small dicks by the way That's not act like women of the only gender act, shrinking their number down or up. You do that? No, but not at all. There's a lot of men that do the same thing.

Oh, no. A dope man, young guys and the boys. Well, guys actually believe in them. They lie about numbers, up, Lord down. They put the numbers up. Oh, I lie down. Yeah, for girls that I'm looking up with. They don't want to know where my dicks in.

How many girls do you have? Especially now at that bump on it? Number out there. What are we talking triple digits for you? Yeah, triple digits That's up there. You had you had over a hundred women. Yeah, are you serious? Yeah, I can I can probably name like 80 or 90 of them Wow, you can name I picture you doing like like Matt Damon and good one thing Bobby Jackie Billy You can name I bet you doing like like Matt Damon and good about hunting Bobby Jackie Billy 35 hey, that's not bad. That's very respectable particularly with your you know 42 or something like that 42 that's low for you Girl friend. Yeah, I'm also a standard so you won't fuck yeah, I will wait we've been at shows animal

Let me also ask so you all all the girls came you know where you smashed Back in the day. I would not now, but yeah back in the day Anyway, but time between 19 and 25 any girl who would fuck me. I would just fuck you smate you turn anything down Yeah, not too long-term relationships only one of which I cheated on so I Had like a five-year, only one year. So you must have been a numbers guy, throw it at everybody. No, wait, what I was single, yes. Wait, forget the relationships.

When you was nine, have you turned any girl down? No, never. Never. Yeah, I turned it out, a bunch of chicks. All right, all right, my fucking. Yeah, say like that. Stand, you got to be higher. Lauren?

10. See, that's a girl number. That's a strength girl number. No, that's a 3. That's a 3. That's a 3. That's a 35. Honey, I shrunk my count.

Hey, not bad. Lauren, you are a liar. Why are you lying? Why are you lying? Because she has a husband for God's sake. No, that's not her husband thing. That's why she can't say it. No, that's what her husband thinks.

That's why she can't say it. No, you're married? Yeah. Does he know about these 15 guys? That's a good, how's what she can say. Matt, go on your marry. Yeah. Let's see, know about these 15 guys. Yeah. But women are, that's, that's, that's, that's generally, that's a good, how long have you been with your guy? 10 years.

10 years. Oh, yeah, that's why she's like, I can't even get a 10. How, how old are you? 29. Lauren, how was your vagina so large? So, it's huge. So, hold on, so hold on.

29, 19. So you said 19, you had 10 dudes. So that's actually a very high number. Yeah, you were a whole, whole's actually a very high number. Yeah, you worry I started at 16 and then three years. What if you think about 10 in three years is not crazy at 16 That's three a year at 16 to 19. Yes, three guys You're 25 I can see that but at 16 you you in school playing video games and fucking I dated older I dated I How old was when you were 16 how old was the oldest guy you fuck how old was it?

Oh 22 In a 17 year old when it was late 30s. Oh, daddy. Yeah, you call that I'm doing a lot of sign fell references Yeah, I hold on hold on I read his book a beat in that in that town with any black guys in that time. No, I'm sorry So you've never fucked a black guy. You never put a recon guy. That's beautiful. What's the most now white? He's fucked Tan I think he cute he was Cuban. This is a sillian He was your favorite my Cuban a lot of guitos a lot of weirdos back my turn your phones off dude dude fucking dude fucking Stop off fucking no, well you've been Sullivan for many years, but you gotta be high high 50s. I think it 58 59

17 17 women that's it will has any started late. I was a virgin to us 24 17 women will has any started late. I was a virgin to us 24 I can't take my play section experience. Please. Yes. What was his name? Hello We're gonna call us call us. She I call her fairay. I invited to my house. That's I thought it was a no what's up buddy So I proceed to go down on her right I can tell she was coming she started molding louder and her legs started shaking So I wrap my arms around her legs. I just kept going kept That's how she's not so white and then she came in my mouth and I kept on looking and she and and then in my mouth and I kept on looking and she and then of course she was trying to push me up I didn't let that to know.

So this is becoming rapey. Then I ate again and she came again, right? So I got to put the condom on and I got on top of, I got at least good three to five strokes. Mm, mm. She tapped me on the ass, she's like, hey baby, get up. I'm like, oh shit, new position.

I know the counter strokes and you change positions. baby, get up. I'm like, oh shit, new position. I know you counterstrokes and you change positions. So I'm telling her, I'm trying to figure out what position we're gonna get into. And I turn around, she's getting dressed. And we're both quite, I'm like, oh, shit, what's going on? In my to myself. And she goes, can you pass my shoes? Oh my God.

You deep with yourself. Yeah. And I'm naked still. I should get dressed. So I get dressed to get on the train, and the whole train ride is quiet. Get to her house. And I go, yo, I'm thinking like, oh shit. Is she going to, is this rape?

Like I know nothing about nothing. Get to her house. I go, yo, are you OK? She said, yeah. What it is is you can't let me come. Then I lose interest. I said, you sell the goods. She's like, dude.

And I was like, fucking, and that was last time I fucked up. She brought up my lifetime. Now, just, I picture you with a hard dick, nothing going up to your nipples. I mean, you got a long dick. It must have been. And a black community is medium to small. No, really?

That dick is small in the black community. I'm going to take my own life and do the hot one. Black goes on really bad. Oh my god, get that away. Black goes like, yeah, come on, let's do this small. Yeah, have you ever got this all the dick you got? And the girl was like, you took a dick out and the girl was like, no, I'm not dealing that.

Oh yeah, but how many times? Two times. Two white girls or? What was the reason? They claim but I think at the time over I think they they they were saying that so they wouldn't have sex I think women always try to find a way out of having sex after they get the free dinner and the free movie You really hate women yeah, well, I hate making it clear. I didn't know I know nothing about women You refer to making love is smashing

I didn't know I know nothing about you refer to making love is smashing Then you say you know you got a big old boot with your harass Lauren And then you say they want to get out after they get their free dinner like their couple of Jews or something I mean this is this is really prejudice This is prejudice here Now who do you think who do you think has had people look at their dick and say never mind more will or me you Go the bumps on your dick bump. I got bumps Sky I'm just when you were singing. Did you tell him I have fucking why we had a sex with like a I think one girl while I was on her

And then my current girlfriend and the girl said well, it's not ideal and then we fucked anyways Had sex with three people. Wow long term relationships Two of them. Yeah, you're handsome guy, you know I would finally finagle getting blown. Yeah, can we go out to the store? How like how is the feeling? I just we're digressing dog. Well first of all the blowjob was amazing. She's a fucking pro swallowed it like a champ Yeah, she had a good technique, you know, so dude for girls spit it out She's white and dance black white white. I'm fine with the spin Yo, why did you look so down on the spit out, but like feels got the blowjob down pack?

What what you cut? What's I come you can do whatever you want with it go go spit it my own eye fucking Who gives a shit? It's so much better when they swallow though. I'm not saying it's not better I just don't understand this thing alike she spits it out. She's a pig fuck. Oh, I spit it out What do I give a shit? I mean the she had mean she had a, you're dicking your mouth. Isn't that on your perspective? No, it feels better when they swallow it. Why? It doesn't feel better, mentally, maybe.

It does feel better. Physically it doesn't feel better. Wow, I don't know, it just does. Because it just feels better. It's on your dick the entire time. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't feel better. So here's the thing, it does, don't tell you why. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

The mouth is staying on the same amount of time. Exactly, just now, let me tell you. Let me tell you, because when she sucks your dick She sucks you off and toes you're literally all the way done and then you start to soften That is a way of low job is done not I come in her mouth She starts gagging and runs to the bathroom when my dick still fucking rock hard But that's two different thing she can fucking wait until it's soft and still then go spit it out You know you know she could keep to come in a mouth and keep doing this.

And then I also feel like she doesn't like me as much. What? Yeah, but some guys get so sensitive and they're like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh But I feel terrible. I'm like, oh my god, what am I doing? I hate myself. They're fucking licking Freddie Krueger's face. So Dupu. So she stuck to Dick and UK the night before you didn't jack off.

Couple, I think the whole week before I made try to jack off. So that's mean to her. No. I should have made a down and a half of the people. 35 seconds. What's that?

Was this 35 second bow jump? Oh, there's a couple minutes. It came out like broken pieces of brick. There's a lot of curry. Wait, I've got a lot of turmeric powder in it. How long, how long you held out? How long you lasted? It was a couple minutes.

A couple minutes. It came in a couple of minutes. Is this girl a comic? No. A bow jump should be like 35 minutes. Hold on, hold on. Is she a comic with a job or a comic with a comic? No, it's just a Tinder date, I meant.

And she blew you on the first date? Second night. Wow. So you met her on Tinder. And this is a white girl. Yep. Whoa. That was second night.

What a hole. Hold on, hold on. You don't think that you don't, you have 10 guys before you got mad. Yeah, you blew a guy behind her Friday. And that's before Tinder. Never. I don't know.

I'll do whatever. Yeah, I'm going to have sex with her one day. I don't care what anybody says. He has a husband. You guys are all very, very insensitive. I especially don't care what her husband says. Why? Because he wouldn't be into it. Woody. Wait, what? Does he do that? Is he into like watching guys bang his wife? Cock holding? Cock holding? Does he like just laugh the blow? Just blow what that was, I didn't know what that was. Oh, we missed something, so do poo. Yeah, by the way, can I just say that if I like I was freaking about not getting blown, not having ever been blown ever and I was thinking like

Oh man, if I don't get blown, I might call up Sue the trainee that we had on the show once. She will start with me for a little while. You the trainees blow you? I was fucking desperate man, I don't fucking know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,. You, the trainees, blow you? I was fucking desperate, man. I don't fucking know. Wait, you're not gonna blow up a week. You're not gonna blow up a week. Fuck you.

Don't blow yourself. Hey, I can't reach you. Is it me or to me, the vagina is a headliner. Why would you let the, why would you let, why would you come in the mouth? Like I never come to a girl's mouth. Why? God, the vagina, man.

Well, the vagina can result in pregnancy. A lot of people don't realize this in the African American community. Well yeah, well I pull out. I haven't got a lot of... Well Haitians have their womb in their throat. What? What? Hanky sheep, hanky sheep, and the race one.

You said Haitian. Oh sure, well yes. Sorry. Double Hanky sheep. So Dupu, so you don't hold out. The chick danna. So when and he cheef. So, dude, you don't hold that. The chick dinner. So, when you have sex with girl, how long you hold that for? The three times that you play the exact sex.

Depends on the position. Like, missionary, like, my, I'm pretty out of shape, so I don't last very long. Are you like an asshole? All you gotta do is plank, man. Plank a lot. Well, I'm, I'm working out a lot now, but I mean, this is like over the past fucking 10 years or whatever. I'm out of shape. So, so, so you come quick.

Relatively, yeah. So, I'm not last in a while. I'm not last in a while. So you come quick. Relatively. Yeah. I'm not going to do it. Doggy style, how long you last? Oh man. I mean, I could just come whenever I want basically doggy style. You know, what the hell is that? He a point star?

You fucking got it. Man, Jesus. He counts down. Joe, how long have you been doing that? How long can I last? I mean, I can last a while. I mean, I'm a nut case. I'm thinking about fucking the birds and the manager. So you actually are a big deal. I just go over the mess. I just go over the mess roster. Yeah, I'm a psychopath

I'm thinking about I can do that to come yeah, so funny like if I'm fucking chick I if I'm just here's what I do if I'm thinking about the girl That I'm fucking I'll just go forever then my mind will wander and I'll start thinking about some other chick That I fuck back in the day or some chick that I want to fuck you might call the name out of that other chick while you fucking that chick no I did that one time though I did that really yeah I said it another girls day but it wasn't even because I was thinking it was just because I was cheating on my girlfriend at the time with this chick and I called her by that girl's name you're current girl now just keep out I don't have a girl now

straight like you just wanted to make sure but you always have that fear it's the same fear you have that like when you go to Harlem you're afraid you're gonna just yell the N word for no reason. Well, what? Or like a reason. Yeah, like a game. Or like a pomeranian gave you. I'm like, I just don't say faggot. Don't say faggot. It's because it's just in your head. Do you always have to care about the word? For the same thing like a funeral. It's like you're afraid not to laugh. I have that in my head of like don't laugh it. What's a funeral? A funeral?

What? He said a funeral. I told my aunt can't talk. What's a funeral a funeral? He said funeral I told my aunt can't talk. What's a funeral? I think you're not thinking pretty much just the best Emancipation you've ever had I think you pretty much said the word correctly. Yeah They couldn't afford for Lewis's mom A funeral we get a for it. We chose we are he's not paid for it now. He still won't do it It's a funeral funeral Alright, a funeral. And you really want to start that game? You got fucking marbles in your mouth. You got to crack me.

I'm just saying, man, I'm not the only one. Don't freaking point fingers at me when you say it. I didn't point fingers. I stood up for you. I was the one that said communication all that bullshit. No, my god. You said it as as as capcom. No, I was the one that they he said it. And I defended you. I said the idea of communication is ideas and bullshit. I said we know what you meant as I said But other people I said other people

Well, yeah, I think you're dumb. Hey on the YKW official I'm giving on official apology to Joe list. Thank you. Well apology accepted. I appreciate it I know she have a cut on your left hand. I'll uh, OJ Oh I know she'll I know she have a cut on your left hand a la oj from box. Oh Boxing video did no What's the longest you hold out for if I'm drunk like an hour Imagine having fucking fat sweaty sack on top of you for an hour All-on-per-ice alcohol make you come less, sir. Yeah, for me to come. Everybody comes less.

I don't know what you're doing. I don't drink. I don't know what that means. Yeah, you just go for long. You can't come. Why? Yeah, but then you get soft real quick when you get. So does that happen to women?

They don't come neither? Or they never come? I've never had that. It's a sliding scale. Like you can get so drunk that you're not going to get hard. But right before that, you can be so drunk that you're just going to fuck off. If you have like four or five drinks, where you're pretty much your mind's still good you can keep going for like an hour

So it's so here your hair is unbelievable. So buddy look at that thing. You're just pretty good 10 minutes. I don't know 10 minutes Yeah, I'm not a you're not yeah, I'm not going long over like 15 If I got a bag it's gonna take me forever to come what's the average time that it takes a man to come Whatever the cop what's the average time that it takes Amanda come Ooh nice Lewis That looks that up Contribution Lou Yeah, wills on his phone Yeah, wills on his phone

I'm a fucking video right now I'll do your Okay, scope up Alright, this is Lauren What? Luke squads on it What's the longest you like you what's the average time you want to got to be up in there for? I've never had an orgasm having sex so I don't know

That's cause you never had sex with black guy Just beaten in eating out, but what's the longest but he's saying what oh just long as you want a guy the like what when That when's the cutoff of when a woman's like all right. Let's wrap this up your douche How hard how hard the mood what time of the day? You ate your hornies. How long how long we're talking 11 p.m. After a nice date the kids are out of town I can hour an hour fuck for an hour. Yeah, I Here's what I want to I want to fuck if like 20 minutes come watch some TV Wait until she falls asleep then wake her up in the middle of her sleep. I can't say how long I last yes, I could last a good

Probably 30 minutes just straight fucking oh y, I'll say and then I get tired I just need a little break come back up and go what is this lasting shit you want to both get off do it I feel sex is fucking minutes she get off I have a field girls going back two things a fair thing I got a little dick and fit that I'm a two-minute guy. They have tons of songs two-minute man two-minute lover I don't want to know too many. I really think they need more priorities in the black community. Well, you look the same community. What?

Open Harlem? Yes. I look at Harlem, you know. For a year and a half. And I loved it. I loved every minute of it. I don't know how I just got to Harlem, but thank you. You fucking said you're the host.

I just said I had a big growing up of women who are calling me a two minute lover. So I focus on not being that. I hear you. I have a lot of fears. You know, you was when I get into fears. Sure. It all comes back.

I'm afraid of everything, but it all comes back when I break it down to not being liked. I just want everyone to love me. So if anybody love you,, you had no more fears What have to have the guarantee that everyone would love me forever no matter what I did Let's say you're you're you like at the Kevin Hart or comedy or Louis CK the comedy like you think everyone loves Kevin Hart Well, you want everybody he's not gonna be like as a comedian

He's not gonna be in life. He has like a thing for like people did not be mad at him I like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, why I don't know if it's just growing up That's fucking how I felt. Well, that's me too. Then anybody got. Yeah, but he's got like an unhealthy fear of people being mad at him And not liking him like if he texts me and I'm taking back with him 15 minutes He's texting me again be like hey, dude, did I do something? Or I ask you, in six hours later, you still haven't, but you've tweeted 1100 times. I'm gonna do it. Lewis is really good at doing that.

Lewis, you're an odd guy, because you think, oh, me and Lewis are tight, here we go, you walk in, and then 30 seconds in, you're just like, yeah dude, don't, I don't know. No conversation, you're just looking at me, like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know, what's up, what's up? What's up, what's up with What's up? What's up?

What's up? Usually I'm usually I'm really fucked up and drunk and high so Yeah, I thought you were mad at me when I visited a roast battle this week cuz like you didn't even like make eye contact with me I was yeah, but you're not doing well enough in the business Lewis what's your fear? I mean dude it all fucking comes down to the kid again man I mean like my kid the thing that's hard about being a parent that don't tell you. It's like, now all of a sudden, you care about this thing

more than you've ever cared about anything in your fucking life. So, like, my kid's sick, he's got a stomach virus right now. So, like, in the back of my head, I'm thinking like, fuck, I hope he's okay. I'm gonna check my phone in a few minutes, just in case they went to the hospital or something. I, you know, that, that fucking sucks. And before that, I didn't give a fuck about anything.

I was very much like, just, you know, fly by the night, like, do whatever, let whatever happens. I didn't give a fuck about anything. I was very much like just fly by the night, do whatever, whatever happens. I didn't really give a shit. I just really didn't have any sort of moral compass or code. But that's probably some sort of fear to them to not have a moral compass, this sort of fear of... That's good point, Joe. Letting people in. I fear directions.

Fear directions. There you go. So you have fear, I'd direct you and people tell you what to do. Yeah. Zach? Getting old and not having like one being accomplishment. Like waking up and being like 60 and being like fuck I didn't do shit. Well you can put that away because you're on there. You know what dude podcast my friend. You nailed it. And you fucked almost 40 girls. Yeah. Way more than me. Way more than Dupu. Dupu. I can't believe you only smashed three girls. Those stop saying

smashed. Made love to. these are human beings these animals We only smash three girls. Yeah, I already said that before Dude I can't believe that he's got a fear of commitment. Why would I lie about an AIDS? Why would I say oh my boy has such a good people and go back to when he said people play with eight numbers? You think he's playing with numbers? You think I'm 250 women. He's like a fucking you think he played with his numbers no i think he's completely honest that he's honest that everyone in the room is being honest right now comics are different than regular people

not a comic uh... comics are different than regular people we want to fucking put our shit out there we want to figure out you know funny shit about it so whether you've had sex with a lot of women or a little women there's something funny there it's hard for me to accept it's a tough because like we live in this reality where i'm supposed to have tons of sex all the times everything is all sex driven and Then you know for me it just hasn't happened as much but it bumps me out sometimes but you can go get laid you go get laid Tonight, I mean I get that coach up from Don Taneer all the time But I just don't know you never take coaching from Don Taneer

Unless you want to fuck 400 pound ghetto black That's the only women that are gonna fall for his horses. One time he told me, he's like, you got to tell you bitch, you want me to pay for that sandwich? They shut the fuck up. I'm like, Dante, I date women that could pay for their own sandwich. First of all, if I have to go to my ex girlfriend to bitch, she'd kill me. Yeah, she'd punch me in the face. She'd kill me. You say he could get laid tonight? Where, how? Where?

Tender, I mean, he's a handsome guy. He's a good friend. My friend Neymest, an experiment handsome guy. He's a good friend. My friend Nimesh didn't experiment on Tender. He had two profiles, one with like a actual name and then one with like an Americanized name with his picture. And the Americanized account got a way more hits. Of course.

Yeah, but he got a hit. So there is a bias. And he would ever heard of 9-11. Yeah. If your friend goes to India, I bet you the Indian name got a lot of hits. Exactly. So I'm not, you know, I understand that too.

It's just part of life. But I think you could get laid. And if I was a pimple, like I get't. The Indian name get a lot of hits. Exactly. So I'm not, you know, I understand that too. It's just part of life. But I think you can get laid. I know. If I was a pimple, like I get it, like five game. It was a pimple. Five game is what? Yeah, that's the thing. You might be retarded.

Because that people were telling me that all the time. They'd be like, you can get laid. And I'm like, I don't understand what the fuck you're talking about. So I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm just saying, long, dude. Long, if you wasn't married, who would you more likely smash in this one?

Leave me out. Leave me out. Stop saying smash. I don't want to would do more likely to smash in this Smash Smash you know who would you make it out to learn who'd you crush? Come on, Lauren. Come on. I think it's pretty clearly me because I'm defending these women in the country I choose to show that thank you Lauren. Appreciate it So is that the herpes so that your fear is getting over the now accomplishing nothing? Yeah.

Before comedy, then what was your fear? Not being anybody. It's always been, since I'm a little kid, I've always wanted to be. So you want to accomplish. An entertainment. Are you a friend? Do you just stand up?

Yeah. Thanks, Johnson. I didn't know where the fuck. Just add it to his fear, Joe. Thank you. I'm trying to get to the bottom of the fear I brought up the fear so we can all talk about it talking about it helps and then you run into other people have the same fears And that's what life is all about. I want to be something. I don't care like big fame

But I would like to be like a niche. You have an impact. Yes. Oh an impact. Thank you. You jump into a pool Impact having an impact on the chair right now What's your fear? Fear of not being liked I think is one of them stop stealing Joe's fucking fear I guess media original well Pretty much going I knew that was gonna fucking turn around constantly shaking You should be afraid of wooden chairs Yeah, just feel position always you should be afraid of wooden chairs Because you have a big butt. Okay. I'm not sure that's an actual fear like I

We all fear that in a sense when you go on stage you want to get last And when you don't get last you like oh shit I'm I don't fear that I don't afraid of bombing anymore. No That's the same fear Joe. No, it's not no No, it's different. I would fear that I was doing well in the comics from the back being like, what a fucking hack idiot. Those people. And I do have a thing with like comics, if I'm doing a show, it's a bad situation.

Does an audience remember looking at me? Like this guy sucks. That is not a fear, but it makes me fucking angry. The idea of someone watching me and being like, this guy is not good. That makes me angry. But that's what happens with comedy, because there's so much of it as situational.

Like people are like, oh, it's never blamed the audience. I'm like, it's almost 100% of the time the audience. A lot of time is the only thing. It's a joke, because I'm saying the same fucking word I said on TV or the night before at the seller and it murdered. So it is the audience. And talking about everyone's in a while,

you can literally have, if you're not making eye contact with people and you're not trying to connect with the audience, that can be your fault. Because there's been hot audiences where you come in and you're just like in contact with people and you're not trying to connect with the audience that that can be your fault Cuz it's been hot audiences where you come in and you're just like in your head or whatever it is It's not but 99% of the time. It's because the shit audience. There's a loud waitress or there's some shit broke There's 10 people in the crowd whatever it is I love about comedy is that you could do the same exact set you bomb one night the next night. We know well. We've seen you That's what I hate about come with the hanky sheep. like it as well. So you fear people liking you liking me yeah and

I have a big thing with my brother because my brother is just successful and good looking and funny. So like is that real fun and a Kevin Bunnett? No it's not like that at all. No no both of those guys are successful in front of you. Yeah. He's uh yeah he's always like that at all. No, both of those guys are successful in front of you. Yeah. Yeah. He's always like better than me. What's he doing? He has the inferiority complex. He's better than me at sports. What does he do?

He's an investment banker. He's an inferiority complex, or you do? I have it to him. He's always five years older than me, so every time we play best, one of the back air, he's always my ass. He's always been five years older than you. Yeah, scope of waiting to years old. Yeah, one day It's a high made it 25

Every year No, what's your fear? I think I'm scared to be alone like an old lady. Oh, thank God. It's not our trains Is that what you got married in 19 not even that way you smash 10 guys. No, I know I'm gonna end up alone, but hold on you got married at 19 No, she said she's 29 she's been with him for 10 years. Okay So you have a fear being alone. Yeah, that's similar to fear fear being like you want to be but I look but I also crave being alone So I think I like pretty much an only child so I can enjoy being alone constantly, but I just don't want to like be alone But you want that I was gonna be gonna be cops. There's gonna be doctor there pop-ups Now that's a fear yeah, dying with cops present

That was a very telling thing a little speaking out the window So that's your fear fear of being alone when you're 60. Yeah, I'm getting to 60 and not doing that. Y'all two should get together. All right, cool. She's married already. Yeah, but that's the reason she wouldn't fuck you, Zach. I had Lauren's got a thing for me.

Lauren does not. Lauren, when Lauren saw my dick on the show, it changed her opinion of me. No, you showed your dick on the show. Yeah, he'll fucking show it right now. I don't know. Not at all, it's not here dick on the show, it changed your opinion of me. No, you showed it. You showed your dick on the show? Yeah, he'll fucking show it right now. I don't know. Not at all, Seth. It's not worth it.

Oh, wait, wait, hold on. That's Lauren. What's your fear? I have a huge fear of judgment from family and everyone I knew before I started comedy. Family? Yeah. You mean the people back in India?

No, I have a ton of family in New York and New Jersey and shit. And then like they see my videos on YouTube sometimes and then like They give me their opinions of it and I fucking hate it That's your fear. I do have a fear of that. Yeah, I care what they think too much and it's been hard for me to let go of That's similar to his fear, but yeah, we all care. That's why we're comedians I feel like because we care about what people think an extreme amount right? Hmm, I fear of nobody asked you

An extreme amount right? Hmm, I fear of nobody asked you Waiting up and turning white one day. What? I mean the greatest I thought it was so difficult to be black. That would be a fucking dream. Are you okay? It's your apartment. Zach and this you guys have a beef Do we yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Jack's mad at you. I was mad at you once you were mad Oh, that thing yeah, but it's like three months. What is that thing a week? That was hilarious It was fun and it was silly. It was The glue is talked me out of being mad and it was a joke

That wasn't even about My girlfriend was babysitting Lewis's son. Yeah, while we're doing a podcast She was walking him back to the club We came down Joe saw my girlfriend with James sitting Lewis's son while we're doing a podcast. She was walking him back to the club. We came down, Joe saw my girlfriend with James, I went, wow, B looks horrible. I made fun of my girlfriend. Yeah, he didn't realize it was girlfriend.

He thought it was just some random fat babies that are. I don't know. But he just said it's fucking a hundred times worse than what I said. What did you say? Literally, I said B looks like shit. But that's a joke about how attractive B is and then this person I'm not saying this girl is a big guy. Yeah, but that looks like the actual he's an animal. He said that looks

like the actual letter B. Hold on. Letter B. Letter B. Letter B. And the race sheet. Travel on. There was no race. Bigot B. Bitches. Thates is a name girls name. Oh, come on. That's not a bomb. He's just confused That's not a dumb dumb band. Oh, can we get a dumb dumb bandanna? Hold on, hold on, hold on, we need a dumb bandanna now. All right. How is it reals hat? We'll just leave it on So I was making a joke I wasn't like I was like hey dude your girlfriends a piece of shit I was like oh cuz being you know be sexy and you know whatever Whoa so that you I was man for like a week

Yes, but you know no, but that would be if I knew it was your girl that would be disrespectful I was a bad one a disrespectful guy. I'm a very respectful guy Yeah, and then Lewis basically told me that and was like don't be mad you just make it a joke you're being too sensitive yeah I just you're a hero for god's sake I was the exact was being a little sensitive I especially because you were legitimately like a set you like dude I want to punch Joe with his face yeah I was really mad but I didn't know I know I know

I was the only one that said no No it's who would win in the fight Oh Zach I think Zach would win Why what's your change? What do you got? I can tell He's just you know what his ex been Is that's been punched a lot more than Joe I think

What does that have to do with anything? How do you know that about me? I've been punched Yeah but you probably fell and sort of crying Zach had to learn how to deal Zach had a brick thrown in his head Because of the way he looks when he came to meet me one day I mean he's just brick thrown at your hand.

Yeah. What is this? Where? Where do you think? Prettyville. I don't know. I was good. Where is the brick thing you never said?

Cell Central? So, so, so Zach. It was three L.A. Rods. So there's your Denny reference. So Zach, you can't take a joke. Some jokes you can't take. That day I was very sensitive. How is he gonna get to me?

I'll run around this guy. I'll run around and kick him in the butt and then run around the other side. Don't worry to me. He's gonna fucking 16 inch reach. No, I would eat you alive dude. Who do you talk to? I would murder you.

How so? Oh, crazy. I did a whole lot on me, so. Just getting a little, and taking a look. Hold on, time out, time out, time out. Zach, you've been into fights and beaten people up before, right? Zach also was a wrestler.

Have you ever been a professional wrestler? Have you ever been into a fight, Joe, and beat somebody up? No, because I'm a fucking lot. I'm a adult. But just talking about who's more mature, we're talking about who to win the fight. Lewis. And he has more experience beating people up.

Lewis, did you combine beat and beat, you said beat somebody up? No, no, no, no, no, I'm just saying. Oh, get the dumb dumb bitch. I'm just no, I'm just saying get the dumb dumb. I'm just saying when you talk with your dad, uh, when you're taking my word, did you call me a spick? Here you go. He was.

You were so, so, so, so Zach, but we're just going to have like 20 hagg shifts like a magician by the end of the show. Don't get caught. All right. Don't get caught. So Zach, you can. So as a comedian, they some jokes you can't take. That day was probably the one fuck that day.

Then yes. Can I say this already? I'll tell you why, and I get it, okay? Because it's not like Joe made the joke with Zach. Like that's why he's not mad at me because I just called this girlfriend. In fact, it's a joke with him. He didn't know that it was his girlfriend. So basically, it was just an honest interpretation of his girlfriend and it bugged him and I get that

But I could see that if I was like this all look at this ugly piece of shit walking down the street the joke is about B There's a person with your baby Obviously you still call the ugly of on the bouts No pun intended you run about I Couldn't pick this girl out of a lineup. What are you talking about? I'm just saying, these are examples of what you could say that would be offensive.

You could probably guess at which one she was. I don't think I could. I started for 30 seconds. That was three years ago. We got six. When you had made the same joke, and you knew that was Zach's girl? No.

So that's the point. That's why he's my point. That's why he's mad though. He wouldn't have been mad if you made the joke to him had you know that was his girl he was mad because it was like you didn't realize it was good you were just attacked that he basically attacked a stranger in his eyes you know saying I didn't attack a person you attack a stranger she didn't hear it happen to be his wife yeah well I guess I'm

sorry that you're upset no I'm sorry I'm sorry that you're upset. No, I'm sorry for it. I'm sorry that you were upset. Can you fight? No. All this fight. That's another thing, Lewis Post the other day. I've been kicked, scratched, bitten, thrown up on, all by women. They're kind of like, that's you.

You're the common denominator. I've never had a woman ever call me an asshole. Spit on me, slap me, spit me. All right. You are the rare guy. I'll do me a favor. Have you ever been hit by a woman smack the vest into the balls? Have you yes, have you? Of course, have you okay? That's most guys have you mean that's crazy? Have you ever been have you ever been physically assaulted by a man?

No, okay, I want physically assaulted by a woman a woman. Yes, of course women are psychos I'm not saying you I'm not saying they're not psychos No, because you're the comment denominator. You're pussy. I'm not saying they're not psychos. I'm not saying they're not psychos. You're the commenting nominee to your pussy. I'm not saying they're not psychos. So, so then you have no fear because all the girls like you because you've never been a tag-bother.

I don't think all girls like me. I mean, I've just, I've repressed their cups of two of you. You just said you had a bad idea. You're all the way, had not been a tag- This is what a dumb dumb you are. Chow is wrong. Chow is wrong. Chow is wrong.

A tear of speak. This is what a dumb dumb you are. You think a woman not smacking you means they like you. Some women might just be like, that guy's an asshole, but I didn't invoke a fucking like, fuck you, motherfucker! And slap it me in the face. I'm just saying most women, even as far back as elementary school,

women feel very comfortable. Girls feel very comfortable, just kick you straight in the balls. That's the reaction if you say something that I don't like. But you're saying,'re saying more men have, but not you, we're using this. Obviously, I'll admit that it's five against one here, but you think in America,

more adult men have been hit by women than not hit by women. First of all, yo. What do you think of that? I did a Twitter comment. It was like 78% of the people on the feed said they've been assaulted by a woman before. If it isn't, 70% of the people are like you. You're a Twitter follower. Yeah, but I don't think that I think that maybe it's a little bit lower because I do have kind of some crazy fans

But no, I don't think that that's a very dishonest scope. I have a show their fans of your show cause agent of skanks The number's gonna be skewed pull up the phone pull up none of the poll asking the chat if guys have been hit by women Okay, see how many give me a minute. I think you get away with it. I'm right exactly. Chatman, have guys been hit by women? Wait, Lord, have you ever hit a man? But, yes, Karen teach you has. Yes. But something has to escalate.

So, where, if I would have said, if I would have said, if you would have asked me, have you ever hit a woman, I was like, yeah, of course. I would have a fucking brigade of women trying to fucking shut down my car right now. You have five blogs, bring the value. It's okay. It is completely accepted for women.

Have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever, Five blogs right now. It's okay. It is completely accepted. I agree. I agree with that. Yes I agree with that, but there's something is escalating. I've just never been in a situation where I've escalated a situation where a woman was like I just feel like this girl's crazy because I called her a cunt Okay, so you don't deserve to get hit because you call somebody a cunt if somebody calls me an asshole or a dick or a cunt I don't get the punch him in the face, but the way your presentation is being made is that women are just walking up inside No, I'm not. Is it similar to like the police black people thing? I'm not actually making a presentation like this women just walk I'd be like no, I didn't you call someone a cunt. I mean no, no, you do deserve my hit

I don't think you deserve to go on the punch a woman in the face because you cause me a cunt No, that doesn't the way I'm saying you deserve to get hit. I was saying that you deserve to go ahead. Do I have to punch a woman in the face if she calls me a cunt? No, that's just the way it works. I have a woman. I'm saying you deserve to get hit. No. I was saying that you might get hit if you guys are like that. No, have you been hit by a woman before? That's not known. Oh, sorry. But Tony said he has.

Yeah. Lewis, have you, so you hit a woman before? No, never in my life. Zach, you hit a woman before? No. I'd take it out of the fucking chin. By the way, we can't even be, this isn't the bottom end. I'm in it.

Yeah. This isn't even an honest question. Oh, no, wait. I've hit a woman.. You're different than that. They don't hit you back. Oh, seriously? That's why I could beat him back! I fucking poked him.

I give him the heat, they make. They're a little combo. By the way, it's a million and a half degrees in here. Well, you got a hoodie on it. A teetre shirt and a muley to the desert. And you got three shirts on. I'm layered. It's 50 degrees outside. So in the poll so far, it's a unanimous yes.

Yes, they've all been hit by women. Everybody's been hit by women. It's women. First of all, it's 50 degrees outside, doc. So in the poll so far, it's a unanimous yes. Yes, everybody's been hit by women. It's women, first of all, 90% of the time at home, it's the mother's doing the spanking. Women are beating the fuck out of men at crazy rates in this country. My dad hit me. And they're creating that bad, that bad, that bad, that bad. That was too dead to hit you.

You're kidding me. You're kidding me. You're kidding me. You're kidding me. You're kidding me. Every time I felt a strong draft in my bedroom, I thought my dad had hit me. No, no, no, I'm a hanky sheep hanky sheep. Oh, right So long you hit girls you hit before but you never got hit by a band

No, I got into one girl fight in it. So women crazy, yes and no, according to the law. Yes, I think. I don't think they're all going to crazy. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that. But they're fucking crazy ones. It is society. It is this country where we enable women

to feel like they're victims. And then they can literally do whatever they want. The idea that women don't have any privilege, male privilege. We talk about it all the time. But there is female privilege. That is a privilege for women. You can go and just smack somebody in the face and people just gonna go. Huh, whatever Now I I'm still amazed that

Joe list never got hit by a woman in his entire life. I can't even yeah, not even just even elementary school I mean elementary school elementary school. Yeah, I mean, maybe those girls that punching you or whatever That was like a thing. That's how you like flirt it. I'm talking adult hood woman. That's not a woman I'm an anger and anger Did a girl hit your element school? I don't think so maybe I mean maybe I was like there's a little point in the fifth grade punching girls that little Fucker should go and see a counselor and you should figure it out and it's the same thing with women But there's none of that nobody got in trouble for it in elementary school

It's but by the way I'm not even one of these guys going like, oh, boo, who, men have it so hard. I'm just saying, stop pretending that fucking women are victims. They're not always victims. That's a different conversation, completely. Well, let's get into it. I mean, that's a different thing, certainly. I just think it's not, I feel, but I might be right.

It looks like I might be wrong. I don't think there's a lot of women just smacking men around or a lot of men just getting hit by women. I think I've almost ever girl I've ever dated in my life at one point has gotten angry to the point where she assaulted me That's I'm on you because I've been in a lot of long term relationships and I've been broken up and there's been situated but there's never been like escalated That's what girls in that like me though is the different than this type of woman that like she like Sarah would never put her hands

On another person. She's not that person right so like Sarah would never put her hands on another person. She's not that person, right? So, but Sarah would never date a guy like me. And if she did, she might hit me. Or I wouldn't date the kind of woman that's gonna hit me, or hit people. Were you in the middle, like, it's me, it's me, cheering that.

It's screaming battle back and forth. Yeah, every time, I mean, my ex-girlfriend. That's how it starts, you just don't start hitting though. My ex-girlfriend, I was a fucking lunatic. I mean, like a straight lunatic, I mean like a straight-blown dick, she would scratch me, spit on me, she was out of her fucking mind.

That's a crazy person, you're dating a crazy person. And by the way, that same girl went and I don't wanna say who, but she contacted a couple of my enemies and wrote them this email being like, Louis, she's so abused me physically. What? Yeah, there's crazy bitch,

who you're so abused me physically. It's crazy, it's fucking nuts. Turn it in. You're also the kind of person in comedy who refers to your enemies. Yeah, you have enemies. Yeah, I do. I have a problem. You've got problems, Doc. I have a couple of enemies.

It's okay. Wait, you like the back and forth though with the enemies. Yeah, you're argumentative. You feed off of it. You're the common denominator here. You wanted to beat the shit out of some guy that they had to stand. You put on your foes. Wait, why am I in the stand? Some fan coming here, I want to fight.

Yeah, you want to fight that guy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry? Come in here, I want to fight. I want to fight. Yeah, you want to fight that guy. I'm someone who can't, a conversation, a conversation, a party can beat you up. Hold on, hold on. If you're going to tell the story, tell the story. Well, you tell the story.

Okay, I'm at the stand, Adrian Apollucci is on stage. This guy, there's five drunk guys that were at a bachelor party, heckling her, just being really shitty to her as well. The guys get kicked out by Patrick. The guys are just sloppy mess, threatening Patrick as he's leaving.

I'm just standing on the stairs. Literally, I have nothing, I could just be a person in the club. Adrian comes up to me and starts talking to me. As the one guy is walking out, he makes eye contact with me. He's like, what the fuck are you looking at? I'll fuck you up. Now, he's nose to nose. Well, you're a man. What would you do if somebody said, I'll fuck you up and there are no snows with you? You're just standing there. Oh, yeah. It's something that happens. You're gonna fucking light him up. That's what happens.

Okay, because that's what men fucking do. Okay, so I grabbed his hat and I fucking flung it in his face. I was like, who are you gonna fuck up, pussy? They grabbed me. He walked outside. They left. I'm on stage. They come back and try to start another fight with Joe Horari,

who's fucking aides skinny. He was 90 pounds. Of course, I'm gonna first start a fight with this guy, because there are fucking bunch of bitches. There's five of them, by the way. So I was like, okay, let me finish my set. I went on to periscope Maybe this was a little bit much You could let it go in there, though, and I wrote this drunk guy wants to fight me

You didn't have to go into the bar threaten the guy to go outside and then I'm gonna I'm gonna go and then went up to the guy was like, oh, where's your boy? I'm gonna fucking beat his ass right now Where's he at and the fear and this one guy's eyes? It was beautiful Hey, he's a fucking bully and you know what? He got bitched and that's what should happen to bullies that get fucking bitched. No, I love that. I love everything about that story. That's a great story. How was it me being a bad person? No one sent you a bad person. You're a

no, it's a begs me to ask the question. I use that correctly. A bag. Are you going to chop the question now? A bag's man chop the question down? Hey, bag's man asked the question, how many times have you been in a fight on stage or almost in a fight? I've never been into a fight at a comedy club one time ever. Jay ended up getting to a scuffle with these guys one time and the guys almost tried to jump him and I started just mushing them all and I like fucking clear.

Wishing? Yeah, I started mushing them. It was the last day of CB's. The last day of CB's was ever open, dude. Yeah, the choke slammed through the table. Yeah, Jay choke slammed the guy through a table because they kept on calling him fat. It was just, you can CB's last day CB's was ever open dude. Yeah, the jokes land through the table Yeah, Jay jokes on the guy through a table Because they kept on calling him fat It was just you can tell was getting to him. What was this this years ago?

It's when CB's was open. It was the last day CB's was open And then these dudes kind of swarmed him and then I was like no not today bitch I started just mushing people wait hold on what to be swarmed They swarmed two other guys went to go jump and they were gonna hit him They started grabbing him and that's why it is our swinging on these guys because they weren't at you jump and they were going to hit him, they started grabbing him. And that's why it starts swinging on these guys, because they weren't at, you could tell they were kind of afraid, because Jay's a big guy. So I started mushing him and calling him bitches. But people are always going to come at you more aggressively

than they would say Joe, always. Because Louis is more aggressive. No, no, no, no, that's not true. I bet Joe gets this a lot more than me. I bet there's a guy looking tough and he's doing his eye contact with him and then he keeps on staring at him. But the difference between me and Joe is Joe will look down

and walk the other way. I'm going to stare right in that guy's face and then we're going to have a weird thing. So yes, it is me. I understand that, but it's how you deal with it. I don't, and it's wrong. I have a kid now. So I walk away from shit all the time now. Do you think it's possible that someone might be looking at you and then you go with the fuck are you looking?

You take it that way. Whereas I'm just like, oh, there's a guy looking at me and then I look over at another person. No, I'm not aggressive like that, dude. I'm, I'm really not. I know what you talking about Well if you know me at all you know that if a guy looks at me makes eye contact I'm not going with the fuck you looking at that's not what I do If you I've been in the car numerous times with you or a guy cuts us off and you get you fucking get a bottle and want to throw it at you

We're going at it fucking frisbee in the park and you're whacking the frisbee at the people to and Once again, well, I'm I'm handling bullies, Joe. Can't be sorry before. I'm handling bullies. Hold on. You attack, Fizz. I'm a superhero. I just think there's a common denominator here where you're running into all these bullies.

This is like Jack Dema, Puerto Rican, fucking Mayhem. Just have to be running into bullies every fucking night of the week. All your story. They bullied you. You're a story. You faggot. They bullied you.

I'm in the park and Joe's like, oh, these guys were starting shit What would it what happened? We were playing frisbee and kept throwing it near these people that were trying to relax and lay in the sun And they were like, hey, could you take the frisbee elsewhere? And they were smoking I think Yeah, they know they gave you an attitude and you guys told me about it And then I started flinging the frisbee at him. What I want to do? I was about to tell you handle that I was about to say I was about to say all day why the black but you said frisbee dumped some white Yeah, there was a bunch of white people. No, they were playing frisbee at him. What do you want to do? I was about to say, I was about to say, I was about to say, are they white or black,

but you said, Frisbee, I'm some white. Yeah, there was a bunch of white people. So they were playing Frisbee. Yeah. And yes. So wait, why are you black people? So there's a difference between,

I hate this race shit. Black people play Frisbee. I've seen black people play Frisbee. Everything's got to be raised. No, no, that's the guy's name. Frisbee Jenkins. That was a hubcap actually. Hold on, hold on.

You're saying that? You're saying that you're saying that Lewis catch and Lewis runs into more bullies Maybe you maybe you just you you know, but they see with Lewis will maybe he like if he get attacked He just like the dimension by like you know, yeah, he's not gonna fuck with you. What is this attacked? I'm not gonna attack more people fuck with you and fuck with me I'm not a guy that people typically fuck with when I'm walking down the street because I'm a bigger Puerto Rican guy. So no, I don't often get people fucking with me, but a lot of the times what happens is they're fucking with my friends and they think they can fuck with my friends

and they don't realize that they have a big crazy Puerto Rican as a friend. So I will get your back. And next time now, Joe, because I'm a psycho, I'm gonna let this frisbee faggot. Just fucking to the whole time and bully you. I walk around New York City, I travel all over the country, all over the world.

I've been to 11 countries, 39 states. I live right here in New York City It's almost never I'm like oh god You make it sound like this guys run around give me wedges The fuck are you talking about I just live my life Those first stand-ups that was from the inside of a locker at a high school We talked about this the other day too. There was you guys were like you got a beat up someone in front of your kids What the fuck are you talking about? I know I know but're doing with that.

I know, but we were talked about that then too. Everyone's, well, you just walk around, you live your life. I'm a fucking Buddhist. We're all sharing the same planet. So I'm very rarely, if ever, do I ever feel threatened? What's so ever? So Joe, you never got to the point on stage

that you had to fight somebody. No, not even close. I mean, I've gotten point where like, this guy's that I hate hate I'll fucking knock him down Like be like you fuck you you fucking little dick piece of shit whatever That was my usually I'll cut people down I mean that's why I'm a fucking comedian because that's my weapon. I can't That was my argument that was my argument with the sand was like I've never been until fight in a comedy club

I don't think I ever will be until I have the comedy club I was trying to go outside and go into another bar and fight that guy So and it wasn't even heckling me Zach. You have been to a fight almost on stage. You got heckles up there Yeah, you hit an audience member. No, I never got I don't have the I don't have the kind of act where people want to fucking fight me They just enjoy the show now Lewis and Zach They might inside fucking riots with their horse shit. I'm proud of it, Zach. I want to agree, Connor has been attacked on stage that like,

what do you mean? What's your, what's your, what's your, Metzger, Forty-Guy at the Comedy Cell? I was there. He's fucking, yeah. Wait, what happened? What's your story? A drunkly hit at the, at LL.

Oh, that's right, yeah, yeah. Wait, what do you think about LL? I had an LL and then the manager gave her free tickets and apologized for it. Wait, why did you shoot that? That's when Zach quit LL. That was the night he was a good, and then the manager gave her free tickets and apologized for that's one's that quit LLL That was a good I can never back here tell sir. Howdy what's it what may I hit you? I was doing man Yeah, yeah, just I She was offended for other people in the audience. She was what she uh she's uh said that uh Because I did a joke about having a fat girlfriend and there was a fat lady across the room

Oh, so you can joke about it. Oh, really? Hip-a-crit. Yeah. Hip-o. Crit. Actually pointed at her and goes, you're gonna say that in the front of her and I'm like, Well, that's weird and she got on saying, and ran at me and tried to hit me. She took swings at me and she like, grazed me and then she tried. She like, she did it at big as Togas you all?

No, security had her around the waist and she was swinging at me and like graze me and then she cries. She like she did it at big its talk as you all no security had her around the waste and she was swinging at me and like grazed me and And then the the the the owner gave a frisks. Zach knows grazing And yeah, the owner gave her free tickets and said I was offensive and she was right when she would have hit you with her back No, I could no no you would not have had no I could I watch a commentator girl back I won't say who it was. We told the story of wild going to podcast. Well, it was in Brooklyn, dude. It ain't fucking this shit. Oh, yeah.

She ran. I don't want to only because of it. It came up pretty recently. If he had just changed into his dress and wig first, it would have been fine. Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you that was his comment. We did a show in Jersey.

And he was getting heckled by this lady. She was just drunk. I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. He like, lady, yeah, he like lady Please chill. I'm trying to do my jokes. He went back into his acting. Try to do it. She got And he got he said hold on there He put the microphone on the stand got off the stage and both feet off the ground and hit a kick that in the chest Bell down he went back on stage. He said anyway like I was saying and the crowd like wait a minute You just kicked that lady in the chest and then slowly the heckle start coming in the evening good night

Thank you and a mob trying to yeah, try to get on well Here's a fucked up part right like when that happens. I there's no part of me anymore that has the instinct to go on a Taka fucking dude my first thing things like all right hold on what the fuck happened here because typically just typically guys Aren't just assaulting women in public. That just doesn't happen to often. I mean, you'll get your ass fucking beat. I got attacked by a chick a week ago. She spent the night in fucking jail.

A weekend. She spent the weekend in jail. She attacked me on the street. And I was like, dude, if I fucking even grab this girl's wrists, all of these black dudes in the hood are gonna fuck me up right now. Because it was a bunch of people watching. And I was like, let me just not even, I just went and got a cop, I was like, she just hit me in front of these people, boom.

So you saying there was nobody there, Lewis, you were the hitter? No, I went hitter, I probably might have grabbed your wrist. I might have grabbed your wrist. I'd have grabbed your wrist. Covered down, though, I'd have calmed her down. Yeah, just to get the fuck off of me because at that point, and I'll tell you why,

if there's no witnesses as well, like if there was no witnesses, she wasn't going to jail. You know what I'm saying? It's just my word versus her word. But because it was witnesses, I took advantage of the fact that the cops have to believe me because there's no way they would believe me. A big Puerto Rican guy.

You think that's what it is? Even if you would have pushed her off of you, she wouldn't have said you had. Yeah. Yeah. And there's no way to know. Because that's what women do. Not what I do, but yeah, that's. You ever got into a fight so we can push you. No, but girls do like they initially hate me all off the night. Yeah, because you're so fucking hot.

We're gonna do technical, uh, not just like each other. Hold on a minute. Hot girls are ugly girls or any girl. Uh, it depends, but mainly most girls. I think ugly girls are used to being ugly already. So they're not like threatened by a fucking hot chick. They just go and fuck black guys or whatever like like other hot girls what black at bars and like clinging on to their boyfriends and so they are clinging on

yeah that's the thing on no girl girls take away another guy just let the funny No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Birddog you should be birddog and chicks and banging beaver What's banging beaver that's from kook who's nests. Well certainly a familiar with beaver It's a hairy vagina I think it's any vagina. I think it's just a vagina I think beaver has hair yeah beaver has hair has teeth definitely a toothy vagina

You never heard the term bird dog never heard it. Nope. Never heard it No, Joe look it up. So women have this fear. I think there was a chicken hotdog. Women have this fear that another woman, a hot woman like Lauren's gonna take away their man. It's just intimidation. I mean, look, it's everyone's got that insecurity. Like, if you're with that, has that ever happened to you with your girl? And you say another hot girl,

you leave your girl for that hot girl? Yeah, that's how I end every relationship. I don't think I ever not have crossover. There's an overlap of me at least a week every time. But that doesn't happen, is that real? That don't think I ever not have crossover overlapped at least a week every time. But that doesn't happen. Is that real? That don't happen right there. It's like, you know what?

It's like when you get a new job and then you give your two weeks notice, I have to have that new job first. Zach, that happened to you? No. You leave a girl, because you said how the girl? No, I just cheat. Yeah. Urban dictionary, burdo.

Burdo. You're at Canvary. Tom and I Joe Joe miss is the smallest person on this podcast. That's not true. I'm not impressed by Joe's intellect. I say that you're not really a pedigree I say press I say he's a smart dude on the pocket, but I'm not that's a me you have to be impressed Okay, I think I think deep who's probably the smartest dude a guy I'm really do pull got do pull got smash three times. I'm times on the wisest yeah that's why deep it doesn't have her piece bird dog a guy who is primarily interested in romancing other people's

girls okay I get it so that's kind of like a bird dog I never knew a word for it yeah but that's a guy but what's the what's the girl but that I kind of get that like I won't do that, but with technology now I would never fucking other dudes chick and it's only because there's just too many Paper trails now, so you can't text a chick. I'm afraid if a girl's fucking another guy, right? Is she cheating on him? That guy is probably picking up on it and probably going through Facebook or phone and all that other shit You know what I'm saying? So there's a lot of risk that you run. I don't get when guys want to fight other guys about that.

If say the guy, the girl is fucking another guy, she could be lying to him. I don't have a boyfriend. Even so, I was like, oh, what? If my girlfriend, if I had a girlfriend and she was fucking another guy, even if she was lying, I might have to beat him up in front of her. There's so much easier to find out that person now. But why those? Not his fault?

She's lying, yeah. Hold on, hold now. But why those, not his fault? Oh, she's lying, hey. Hold on, hold on. You know what, he's at the point. Why would you beat the guy up? To be honest with you, the anger that I would feel, because I'm a better. Did you can't hit her? You can't hit her.

She got to hit somebody. So you know, you just want to get your anger goes to violence. Yeah, Lewis, you get it. Do something. Get her back in another way. Go to therapy, living with the best. You can write a tight five for us.

I'm gonna say that Lewis, what you do is going is gonna happen at you hit you think she's gonna stop cheating That's gonna teach your lesson no, I will leave her but I will also fucking what if she's trying all right Okay, what if it's fucking guys an MMA fighter and you know he's an I probably try I probably try to fight it and I'm fighting an MMA fighter on Legion of skanks But why do you think why do you think that? Why do you think that's gonna help you? What would you think would you feel better about punching this guy? Britain flicking pain on this guy? You're right because the next day I would feel like an asshole.

Like even the next day after I got into that thing with that dude, I woke up and I literally sent emails and texts to everybody at the club and everybody involved. I was like, hey, do I'm sorry? I just stopped drinking and smoking. I'm trying to like control my anger. And you know, a man's supposed to work the other way around. So it's just a man what you did when you were drinking.

You're haggie-sheef. I like haggie-sheef. No, that was a couple of snuggles. That was a couple of snuggles. Was that a foul? Lewis was also laughing as he was going outside. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't really that angt, to be honest, it was very...

You had more for the parisco. Dude, I was keyed in. It was so weird. I wasn't even that angry. I was just like, no, no, no. I knew he was so drunk. All of his friends were so drunk. I genuinely felt like I could beat up all five of them. He was a bitch too Yeah, he was a little bitch. He's picking on Joe Harari

I was like there's no way he's gonna fucking swing on me He wouldn't say shit when I threw the hand in his face But then as soon as people were between us. He started giving me the finger. It's that guy You know I'm so of course. Yeah, so yeah, we'll see you in a half ago through your act I tried yeah Hacking sheets. Oh, OK. I heard it. I heard it. Yeah. Yeah.

So Lewis, what? So you beat up people regularly? No, I don't. I haven't been into a fight. I don't think I've been into fights since I've known anybody in this room. What? But it's arguments, whatever.

What's the other way? I'm going to get it right. He'll just keep doing his little asterisk. No, no, not really. That's a lot of help. I'm very quick. I'm very willing to go there if a guy wants to fucking challenge me a lot of almost fights with you Okay, I'll get on with that. Yeah, so you fight in a guy that a girl that your girl cheated with is gonna help you out

But I'm not saying it's right. Let me go to the Wikipedia walking Wikipedia What is that called when you're in pet with moment of age? I'm a new one term bird The moment of age when you, I knew one term. Bird. Yeah. The moment of age when you just act out when you angry, but because he just said that rage, rage, yeah, fit of rage. But so is a fit of rage.

Escape rage. So you walk in the room. You see a girl smashing this dude. I can see beat of the guy. If the guy watching happened, you know, I see that. That's a good beat. That's a little different beating with a hammer as my girl cries.

I might even beat him before. I don't know if I can control myself. I walked in to my girl fucking another guy in my bed. I think I would fucking beat them both to death with a hammer. But it's who said that? Ho-ho-gumma saying he can't- Oh, Jay Simpson said that. No, nobody said that.

Talk about that. Ho-ho-gumma saying, I kind of understand what happened with OJ. Oh, there's Chris Rock also said that. Yeah, I mean dude, it's kind of a fucking like, look dude, in that moment, in that rage, you can't control those instincts. It's not right, but you know, I, I, I, I, I, I, I probably do need therapy for my anger. Normal adjusted people don't do that. That's a jealous.

If you walk in, you catch a girl smashing them, let's do what you do. I've had that fantasy before. Like, my previous girlfriend. I was like, walking in and just smashing it like like bottling a guy in the back, like, missionary, and I'm just fucking smashing him to death. But ultimately, no. I mean, I'm looking to avoid physical concentration. So you see your girl, and I'll ask her up and down on some guy's dick, you able to walk.

I mean, I'm gonna be devastated, I'm gonna be fucked up. I mean, whether or not I'm gonna fight, because it's not gonna help me. Would you talk? Would you talk? Or would you turn around and let them finish? You able I mean I'm gonna be devastated I'm gonna be fucked up I mean whether or not I'm gonna fight cuz it's not gonna help me Finish I'm Visualizing all this with my previous girlfriend my current girlfriend is my wife and she's very sweet and not that kind of guy My previous girlfriend. Yeah, maybe I don't know what I would do. I was crying Most of the guy he had herpes now You're right on the bathroom here with lipstick. Welcome to the world of herpes jokes on you buddy

Question Joe and two to six business days. You're gonna be a Would you would is there anything that could draw you over to the edge to physically assault another human being? Do you think you know? I mean no, I'm I'm Rachel don't get me wrong I'm Rachel like when you just yelled you're a bag it in my face yeah i had it goes into my head to jump at you and like i have i'm a fucking planable but i have a thing of like the next step it's the same thing with to be with drinking or even cheating i'm able to think about the consequences

because i see a lot of comedians and you're a tough guy and your big because I see a lot of comedians, and you're a tough guy and you're a big guy. I see a lot of comedians that have probably less fighting skill or even physical strength than me, that are going, fuck you, you cut, shut up, you cut, and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, dude, you're, that's still a human being. So I try to handle situations on stage or anywhere,

the way that this might fight me. Like, I see comics think that there's some sort of barrier between them and an audience and they're calling a guy a faggot or they're calling his wife a continent like dude, you might get fucking fucked up. And this isn't the fifties where two men square off and fight and like he's had enough. People will fucking curb you and smash your face in. And now everyone's into MMA, you cannot tell who can fucking fight.

You don't look for the ears dude. It's crazy. Like flour. There's a guy, there was a bartender at Caroline's years ago. This guy was a fucking super black man. He just looked like me. He's a fucking black male. So you can start being like, hey man, don't look at my girl.

Fuck you, you look at my girl. And this guy just karate kicks you off. And now your life is ruined. I'm fucking ruined. I'm a martial artist. You are fucking life. Most of the time those people don't have the same type of thing as the same type of rage as a normal person,

because they have confidence. If it's some is really good at martial arts, if they they've gotten to that level and I've talked to a lot of Lighters on my show, but in reality most of them are very tempered most of them are very But people know how to fight and some people you just don't know they might be crazy and there's a lot of people out there So if you're gonna start talking shit, it's the same thing like you're talking about you might get fucking killed No, you're gonna show Joe listen this is why you turn around let the girl finish having sex with this guy and come find I would be I mean, I would definitely move to another country if I go for it naked with balls out. She's like, oh, don't swallow it. Please

If you walk in when you and you're so your girl having sex with another dude depends on the ethnicity Goes without saying yeah, it's a white guy. I'd be pretty bummed black guy Suicide Why didn't he have the racist bandana what the fuck is the truth bandana? Zack you you see a girl smashing another dude You I'm saying would you confront them would you attack? Yeah, I would go fucking bananas yeah I was a black ice or throwing bananas at him get over get off race banana fuck off dude that was funny I guess I'll think the bomb down a tube but I really believe in that joke it's I believe in

Bernie Sanders so I don't like it as racial you walk in your girl is smashing another dude does he have a better estimate? What? That's all he cares about is a joke. Yeah, it was a joke, but now I don't know I probably weren't want to say No, I wouldn't but I don't know my rate my My most I rage start fucking my rage would probably want to fucking kill this guy. Yeah Lauren if you walk in your man is having sex with another girl. I would go out the door and go fuck the first person I saw. Hey! I'm gonna wait outside of here. Yeah, I'm gonna move closer. Let's start the bus through this guy.

But yeah, I'm not trying to say I don't have rage. I'm just aware of my fucking fighting ability. And I know when it's like to get punched in the face or smash with a bottle or fuck or shot by the way. I thought revenge videos are the best by the way. Joe! Joe! He's naked! Hold on, did you ever see those revenge videos? Like we're a guy

I'll cheat and then the girl goes just like suck his best friend off on video And then that guy that cheated when she sends it to him just forwards it to her family You moron he just gave him a fucking porn video to show your dad So Joe, but he's when you keep talking about weapons and I'm also I'm also aware that that won't make me feel any better And then the next day now you have a fucking lawsuit on your hand and a broken fist and If you win why would you guys both fight he's naked you fight and then nobody win and then and the girl go like I Joe Just leave us alone. I just get off the corners it. Yeah. I would pull in his dick real hard It was one of three killers one of three go that you only have sex with is dick real hard. You walk in your girl's smashing. He mostly kill it.

One of three girls that you own has sex with. Yeah. If it happened, that would really fuck me up, I think. I'm really glad that hasn't happened. No, no, no, no, would you attack? What I attacked, first of all, I'm not a fighting guy. I don't think I could do much damage. You would be heading with a curvy sword.

Hanky Shafe. He's a curvy sword. Hanky Shafe. What's a curvy sword Hanky she's a crazy word Hanky she's what the curvy sword you know Indian's in the air of the curvy swords the not cool ones like call that Oh, no, you just put your penises You like to be like a person nice fucking one two three four not funny jokes And I was cute Keep everyone involved so you want to attack well you get what you pay for it

I don't know what I would do. Well, would you to finish or would you say hey? What you're doing? What is this left them finish? What does that mean? I'd probably make my presence known I'll you know, maybe that'll stop them, you know, I think they would finish You think someone would finish yeah, I don't think it goes in like hold on sweetie five more minutes Yeah, I don't think you can do that. I'd fucking beat off and kill myself more minutes. Yeah, I don't think she's gonna do that. I'd fucking beat off and kill myself. All right, we're almost up. We're at hour 20. Okay, so do we want to go into the reed? Get into the reed. I'm going to curble that will though because we're mixing up the reeds. That that reed you read before is not the same reed. You can do this one. Don't come on. You did down purpose. I did not. No, we that it just got the email. All right, this is anybody quiet. Here we go

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That's DraftKings.com. K-E-E-D-L-L-Y. Kelly from the Emerald Isle. Cool. Does anybody here sing Kelly? Have you seen him smile? Well his hair is red and his eyes are blue. And his eye rich through and through.

You made that up? Yeah, just made it up. No, I'm going to Wikipedia, Doug. That's a song. Someone in chat says Joe has the personality of a mid-40s blue and these Irish through and through. You made that up? Yeah, just made it up. No, I'm not gonna Wikipedia, Doug. What's the song? Someone in chat says,

Joe has the personality of a mid-40s New England housewife. That was me. It was fitting for the song. What else to chat? Let's go to the chat. Let's go to the chat. Yeah, a bunch of like jokes about you. I don't want to hear those jokes.

Okay. Is the N word anywhere in the chat room? No, that's a blocked word in the chat. Oh, man. You blocked a word in the chat? Yeah. I think the N word. Did you block Faggot? Because please word anywhere in the chat room? No, that's a blocked word in the chat. He's hosting the chat. Oh, right. You blocked a word in the chat. Yeah, I think the N word. Did you block Faggot?

Because please, everyone in the chat is calling Deepu a Faggot. No, that's blocked to actually. What? Are you kidding me? No. What does that mean? Guys, this is fucking first amendment, it's not permitted word. So, what is this?

What is this message with that word? It's blocked for everybody? Yeah, just no one sees it. Oh, I'm done. But they can still talk. Time out, time out, time out. Yeah. Did you do that, or did you do that? I added that as a word, as a red flagged word.

Wow. You're a fucking communist. It's part of the culture we're cultivating here. No, no, no, that's fucking you crane three years ago. That's an SJW homo culture. That sucks. Let the guys say what they want to say, dude. If they want to be funny and they want to use the word

or the effort, that's fine. This is his technology. That's what he does, man. Let him handle this. This is pretty basic stuff. He don't talk to you how to handle it. I I don't I don't ban any words in my chat. Well, I'm leaving a skanks. No, for real as podcasts. It's a different. It's a different set of two.

You didn't even know that was an option. Come on. I lose that's I'm going to ban the words Lewis sucks. That is the funniest part of the show. You lose like a shed. Sorry. Don't apologize for per. Anyway, so should I should I undo that? And you lose like Sorry Anyway, so I should I undo that should I let the word faggot? No, no, no, no, do you do your thing man? Shut up will this why you this why he hired you man. Don't listen to Lewis You're both an effort and an N word will I think it's good for the pod, but it's also good for fascism

I got little shit last week for blocking a guy and I think he tweeted at you, right? What are you blocking for? He threatened my life in the chat room. Well, how so? Okay, so when you block people, they private message me on Facebook begging for me to get on block. But hold on, what do you have? There's only one guy who has threatened.

There's only one guy who has threatened. Okay, so what happened was he jumps and he starts like just, okay, so his grievance was, I thought the show was going to start at three and we did start at three and he's just being a dude She's just like yeah fucking asshole. I get it right and so he says a couple things and then he says see you on the streets To me with like 90 Okay, I continue and then And that's not threatening your life. That was just threatening my that is the one the streets dude Maybe he's a big fan. With 12 E's?

No. And in that context, 12 E's. 12 E's are one thing. 11's. Yeah. They have finished. Go ahead. No, I mean, that was the end of it.

Speaking of 12 E's. Wait, that's it. Hold on, that's it. Yeah, well, that's it. He died in your life with 90's. Deeper, that sounded threatening towards Will. Yeah, I should block you. Will, Lewis, take over.

But hold on, timeout. That's not threatening your life. That is kind of making it's alluding for a person. Oh, it's not making a go-mai by agreement with this guy. It's a fucking, it's alluding to a threat. That's all it is. So it is, so there is some sort of illusion. I would think this guy's actually going to see you

on the streets, but I don't like that. That's even being floated out there. That's making me uncomfortable. And I have to read everything in the chat. I'm pro blocking Deepu. Block him, all. That's making me uncomfortable and I have to read everything in the chat. I'm pro I'm pro blocking deep who block So you as that if someone says Joe list. I see on the streets That's a little

Don't freaking encourage him to ask everyone in the room now. It's not He likes to ask the same questions you It sounds threatening-ish. I don't know. I don't know. It's enough. Would you say something back to him or would you just let him? No, I don't engage with any of these people.

No, it's where I know you're going to fight breakage jaw. I threaten to breakage jaw. I'm like, oh, really? You're going to see me in the streets. Motherfucker, I dare you to come find me in the streets. And then I tell, I'd literally link my website with my schedule. Paris, stay calm and find me.

You fucking pussy. People love to talk shit on the internet that's it you understand yeah everyone's got balls when they're behind a keyboard but here's the thing we all do post our schedules online it's pretty easy to find us if you wanted to find me if you don't like me audience to be honest yeah to be you're not gonna get on gatham i'll tell you that much um i mean they can find us so if somebody's really got those type of fucking balls they know what time the show is they know where the comedy seller is he can show up. So let him fucking do it You wouldn't be there. Do you think blocking him is gonna stop him now from showing up to the comedy? So I can make him want to

Listen he could easily just make a new account. I hope he fucks you up. What the hell? You'll be fucked my girlfriend to brother. I'm supposed to say your friend. You know what? He's not my friend anymore Zach if you get someone say I see you on the streets, take that as a threat. I'd be excited to get recognized. I would too. Not about the punch in the face right after that. Zach, have you been threatened before? Yeah, for real?

I'll do, because I do Anthony's show. So people all the time call me a liberal douche and yeah, people I've gotten Twitter death threats and shit. Yeah, I've had people Oh dude cuz I do Anthony show so people all time call me a liberal douche and Yeah, people I've gotten Twitter death threats and shit. Yeah, I've had people tweet me pictures of them holding a gun pointing at the camera What yeah, what yeah, what so I met my girlfriend Now that's how Anthony bucks you On the streets, yeah, I would give the shuck. He's there's no way he's gonna come actually find me So if he did I wouldn't care. Lauren. See you on the streets or in the in the cheeks. Give me a nice beach

Hey, all right, I'm Tweeted that Lauren hold on hold on what's the beat? Hold on what's the beach a beach? Ask everyone in the room. What's a beach? What's the shut up? Okay, sorry? What's the big thing? We'll blow a job. Yeah, wait call it beach BJ you know BJ syllables then BJ look man. I just I just found out about the quiz five years ago Yeah, and then what's a what's a male version called when a man's A dick for There's no such thing as that. There is a thing. There's a

When the now a version of a queen when the air comes out the hole other man's penis. They're working Yes, I'm a beef no, there's a as a word for it when the when air comes out of man's dick hole a key The queen I can get out of your dickhole You got to be close you dick 17 inches long. It's gonna be like a half a foot. Roll close out his birthday candles with a zek. I'll put it on my face. All right, so I'll probably unblock this guy. That's what seems to be the- Unblock him, don't listen to Lewis, man.

I'm blocking. Listen dude, that's a great show. You got this far, you got this far. Because of doing what you're doing. Lewis has a different set of rules, man. I don't block a lot of people. There was an incident a long time ago with FUQ TV. You may remember recall.

Remember FUQ, who's a good man. He's in the chat right now with a TV what a motherfucker? Yeah, I'm a fan. I'm a man of the people We're done me of the chat room. I'm a man of the chat room I here's the thing I block somebody on we did a we're doing a legion of skinks like classic chat on 3 p.m. On Fridays where we just listen to an old episode and I was in the chat and I blocked it dude But it was a dude that wasn't a fan of the show it was a guy who was literally just going on to try to troll me so I was like all right I don't get you're not you don't

like what we do go fuck yourself but it wasn't because I mean people there was people in the chat that hated me but love the show and I was like all right I'm not gonna fucking just block somebody because they're not a fan of mine but you're just coming on to fuck with me that's they wouldn't have been there had I not been in the chat. But my job is to read everything in the chat. So now people are kind of fucking with me. I only blocked one guy, but there is like, do you have guys? I would push the line back a little bit farther.

Then him saying, I'll see you in the streets. Okay. Dance in the streets. Sounds a little West Side story-esque. Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum- slice of pizza. A peep is a penis fart similar to a queef. Thank you. It's not enough air because pussy is this air getting crushed in there. And Louis, I would think you would be smart enough to know a peep. Well, if you're putting like a fucking tongue in your dick pole, maybe.

When a penis fart, it's called a peep. When a male experiences first peep, it becomes a toxic, gaseous cloud that stalks the male until he inhales the dreaded cleaf cloud. I don't think that's real. Yeah, this is not real. This is not real, will. No, Donna, it's real.

No, it's not. Will you push air out of your dick? I do. I can't. The first time I came, a bubble came out. What? Well, hold on, time out. When you're a younger kid and you jerk off and you come, it is just like you almost have like your dick convulsors. The first time I came, a bubble came out. What? Hold on, timeout.

When you're a younger kid and you jerk off and you come, it is just like, you almost have like, your dick convulsors. Yeah, mine was clear. It looked like the tomato in the right now vanhaling video. Your cum was clear. What? I can come clearly. Oh, I got it.

You got a wrap up. That was deep cool, everybody. All right, man. Let's go. Hold on, wait a minute. Why do we have to wrap it up? Is there a one hour and 30 minute time limit on the right, man. Let's go. Wait, man. Why do we have to wrap it up? Is there a one hour and 30 minute time limit on the show? No, but it's kind of dying out.

Yeah, because he said one bad joke. So it says that way to be. He said, you bad jokes. Yeah, that's true. I want to know where your bubble come out when you, um, I wish I knew also. Wait, wait, wait, what do you have bubble in style? That below the equator.

Hold on, you came and there was a bubble in your come. First time I jacked up, I was kind of just equator Hold on you came and there was a bubble in your come first time I jacked up I was kind of just like discovering you know those who is fucking watching the longer show now you're telling me yeah I was making sure that my kid wasn't calling me He calls you yep those little fingers. Yeah, you're doing you told my head bubble in his dick man It's not an upsetting thing but great You heard the whole thing I jerked off first time in a bubble came out. What's my bubble? It was like a bubble gum out. What do we have? Bubble.

It was like a bubble gum. Like, is it pink? Like, was it a bubble? Did it blow? Did it blow to way? No, but it was like a small. Did you pop it? Yeah, I did.

What was the most important thing to keep it? Put it in the freezer? He kissed it. Kissed from the bubble. Let's go back to the rules and when we got done, got coming up in your, and what you got. Yeah, let's start the plexus. That'll be a half hour anyway.

Follow me at Alolan Cooper on Twitter and Facebook. Any shows this week? No. She's so hot to you guys. You follow her. She does really dirty stuff. See you on the streets. Scopo.

Act Chris Gopo on Twitter. I'll be at Laffitt up Pekipsi this week, Saturday night with Aaron Berg. I'm gonna be in Atlantic City with Andrew Schultz. My next Wednesday Thursday. It's March 23rd, 24th. with Aaron Berg. I'm gonna be in Atlantic City with Andrew Schultz. Next Wednesday, Thursday, it's March 23rd, 24th. Both your car breaks down your career is over. Oh, really?

Really is. Zach, follow me on Twitter and Instagram. Zach is not funny. Snapchat me, Zach Amiko's dick. And this Saturday night, I'm gonna be at a club on half of the Myr Street in Brooklyn. I'm sorry, I don't remember the name. It's a benefit to get Service dogs for soldiers with PTSD hit me up on Twitter and Facebook if you want to go. Those are PF STDs Lewis what you want to shout something out? Yeah, go to go his comedy neck comedy for 30 seconds Get out of here. What is that the ghost of violence again? He wants to hit me

He is a bomb. I have a good one And he wants to hit me with a fucking yellow racism flag go with the teeth Go ahead. Those we call that the chink danna Well, that is really that is very racist. Yeah, that's hurt. This is why you fight alive Go ahead go to comedy.com Gomez comedy on Instagram check out the the countdown every Thursday 6 p.m. Eastern standard time serious X-Mersion 93 myself and the count Michael Bisping. What are we counting down to? A quality set I Murdered

Last night. I bet you did someone heckled and you fucking punch Beat him to death in the streets because you're a Linnetic it was manslaughter Also guys check out the real-ass podcast every Friday live at 12 noon on The real ass podcast YouTube channel with myself is that Camico and Chris Copa as well as Chris Tinkle and lastly But not least check out Legion of Skanks every Tuesday and Wednesday night 9 p.m. Eastern standard time And also guys Skankfest we announced the dates is gonna be June 18th and 19th

All day all my Joe list is already on the fucking lineup. That's the first first dog. It's a first person that announced on the lineup Hey, I'm gonna get a guest digital What check out gas digital? It's not launched yet the website's not launched yet There's nothing to check out. They could Google the word and it's gonna bring him to some a fucking gas company. Oh, okay. Yeah Oh wait, Louis you finished. I'm sorry. Yeah guys, check out. We're giving more information out on tickets and info. It's gonna be two full days at the creek all day and all night. Life, stand up comedy, sketch, improv, music, fucking events, crazy shit gonna happen.

It's gonna be a really fucking nutty time. Improv? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, we're doing some crazy shit. All right. Yeah, it's not because I figured just stand up straight through. It was very monotonous.

So we want to break it up and do a lot of fucking cool things It's all like dirty filthy scanky themed shows and activities and all that stuff. Yes I'll bet the Providence Comedy Connection April 29th and 30th come out to that in Providence April 1st and 2nd at the big hunt in Washington DC grand Rapids April 1560 Is that Lauren what are we talking about? Oh my God, that's really offensive. Yeah, April 14th, 15th, 16th, Grand Rapids. And check out Tuesdays with stories.

Last week's episode, boy, it's a fucking wild one. Norman got crazy, fucked some crazy pigs. On the show? No, he talks about it on the show. We tell stories. So check out Tuesdays with stories, everybody. Every Tuesday, iTunes, you know all that horse shit. And thank you for listening to me. Someone else start talking now. Before you act. If you're watching live, I'm doing show tonight at Old

Man Hustle at a clock, standing remotely, because they can't afford chairs. And next week, I'll be at Bat Barries in Weston, New Jersey on March 23rd, 9 o'clock. And then patties and park slope on the 25th, 8 o'clock. So you can check those out. I'll, Will silvence, Will silvence, the BIL, S-Y-L-B-I-N-C-E, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. I'll be here again when this guy cancels,

Bobby Kelly cancels, and when he cancels he calls someone else like Colin Quinn and he cancels and Colin Quinn cancels And then Louis CK cancels and then he calls me at the 10 you're saying you're right at the Louis CK no I'm at the 10 open micers. Okay. This was good though Robert Kelly live What's Robert Kelly? Robert Kelly live comm. He is filming his show right now. So he is his dates live. Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, anything to the studio send attention to wiki w podcast r hour kelly one seventeen mcdougal straight new york one zero zero one two um... if you want to email more dick pics that we've been getting because i woke up to a lot of them this morning go to producer at rikest dot com and send them straight to scope of the dick pics do it for for you know that all

the did it for girls now so girls again i just think that it's like a waste of time Do it for you. No, no, no, no. The doot pick do it for girls. No. So girls okay God just send you dick picks and there's like a waste of time. No, no, I Well, I'm judging them. We're doing a little judge off. No, it's Jack Joe Liz do clip picks do it for you guys clip pick. I mean, I would be turned on by a picture of a vagina Probably I like to see a figure in there or something. I don't want to just a vagina I want the body with the vagina. You want the whole body, right? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I've seen a picture of pussy and we'd be like, oh, all right, it's sexy. It's a very private area, obviously. And seeing a part of someone that they don't show up regularly is very sexy. But they don't allow me to want to show their face, because in case you guys don't work out.

I work out every day. No, no, no. You're in the girl's show. Oh, I see. Yeah, no, no, you're in the girl show. Oh, I see. Yeah, no, girls will show their face. So that's so weird because like we're just in a dick pick culture and like a naked picture culture. So I mean, I don't, it's very rare that I cannot convince a girl to send me a naked picture.

Wow. Well, send, I mean, if you, for listening to female listeners of the show, send TittyPix too. No, that's creepy. Dickpix are funny. There's nothing, there's nothing funny about asking girls to see. So you don't want to see a thousand dick pics. But not, there's nothing funny about it.

It's just creepy. If you're telling the fans to send in naked pictures of themselves and their females, we're a bunch of dudes, it's just creepy. If dudes are sending in dick pics, it's hilarious. We're not, I won't say, I'm not gonna say it's not creepy. I won't make an argument that's not creepy to say. Hey, send a picture to tits. I will make an argument that why is it funny or hilarious is get multiple pictures of a dick

If they have hold on if they have a dick pic like it's like a like a miss-americ Appagion for dicks that's fucking funny. I mean we did we did a dick pic collage on Legion of Skanks Where we had like 50 people sending their dick pics and we put it together in a big collage and we posted it was hilarious. Why? Yes, all right So keep sending your penises and we'll have a look back next time we'll talk about it. But, subscribe and like the YouTube channel, like us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, all that jazz.

Mail tits. Mail tits, no. That's funny. That's a lot. Mail tits is funny. Or if you put your dick in between your legs and fucking do like a... Oh, that's funny.

Yes, that me that. That's funny. That's funny. I think we can get a little higher brow here for god's six Maybe send it a picture of you know your diploma. Oh foot with come on it That's very specific I think we should end on that

We out of here. Thank you guys You know what dude? We go golf first major is right around the corner and you can play one week fantasy golf for free at DraftKings.com whether you are a master of golf or just ready to try a new fantasy sport you can play one week fantasy golf for free at DraftKings.com. Here's how you do it. Just pick six golfers before T-Off, stand-up the salary cap, and rack up points for streaks per whole performance, tournament finishes, and more. I would score the competition, and you could win with every tournament. DraftKings brings the excitement of the game to a whole new level. With every monster drive and every putt made bringing you closer to victory.

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