Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Everybody's Gay

Episode Date: October 26, 2015

This week on ykwd: we have Zac Amico, Paul Virzi, Aaron Berg,the Landlord, Noam and Mike Lawrence. We find out everyone's had something gay happen to them, talk about Steve Rannazissi's appearance on Howard stern, and celebrate Bobby's birthday. Also we get a surprise drop in by Kelly Fastuca!!!!!!!!   RiotCast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ya son casi las dos, nos vamos a ir a casa o hemos venido a jugar. A casa, a casa, nadie va a irse a casa. Hay que ponerse modo de racón. ¿Eres un dragón? Soy el dragón de Fireball. Ya te digo yo que las mejores historias siempre piezan con un chupito de Fireball. Bien, frío. Yo, pues al lío.

Un Fireball, sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night, con Fireball. Disfruta de sabes que la fiesta será épica. Ignite the night con fireball. Disfruta de un consumo responsable. 33 grados. ¿Yos escucha a Robert Kelly? ¿Y qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué, ¿qué To the funniest podcast on the planet Earth. This is gonna be a costifier. It's podcasting. It's no rules. Look at the mic asshole. I'm sure I've already said should I regret it?

Can I get a mic? No! What the fuck? That was trying to keep it like a comic head. I have a bunch of guys on. It's just us sitting down, and he happens. Sometimes it's hilarious.

Sometimes it's 10 no topics, no directions. I love doing it. Play both sides of the coin The day my podcast is popular I might affect somebody's life. You never know Bounce bounce bounce. Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce.

Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce.

Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce. Bounce bounce bounce. Bounce bounce bounce. Bounce bounce bounce. Bounce bounce bounce. Bounce bounce bounce. Bounce bounce bounce. Bounce bounce bounce. So queer right literally half a lot of it. Yeah Zach likes a dick or two. Do you really every once in a while? I like to mix it up hang on man What the fuck I love you what yeah every once in a while? I've been known to dabble dabble in what just occasionally Sometimes there's a gentleman in there. I prefer the term hetero flexible Wow, are you flexible? Surprisingly so I wrestled wow so do oh whoa Jesus Christ which is fucking cancel everybody else today everybody else is late and

This motherfucker is here. I'm just here bringing the interesting babe babe take are you babe? Fuck you don't know me you sound a little off. Let me talk. Let me hear you check one two check one two check hello This is me talking buddy So you you fucking dabble in a little like that. No, me ask your question. Are you talking about with your whoa? Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa? Deepo deepo. What are you doing? Lower in my mic, dude? Well fucking low a your mic you lowered everybody Everyone's mic. Well fucking low-way your Mike you low with everybody. Everyone's Mike. Oh my fucking selfish Indian See how that thing. That's how they are. I know

How I am don't fucking drag no your whole culture. No, I'm dragging a lot of people down with me I'm not talking Indian. I'm talking nerdy thin dudes. Oh, okay. Yeah worst the worst Alright, so of course we got deeper in the house the most the fucking video the guy created all everybody's trying to copy Everybody wants to know his fucking secrets are people admitting that now is that on the record? No, I'm just making that oh damn it We got a fat ass scopo who's swinging his touche over to the fucking door right now someone just showed up We got the beautiful Lauren What stop oh, what's up, baby? And we got Zach.

Hey buddy. The Zach Galifanakis fucking evil brother. No, I hate that. I'm sorry, we got Zach back. You're every old drunk guy when I do bar shows. Like Zach Galifanakis, right? Not like that. But dude, that's so fucking interesting man.

I didn't know, let me ask you a question. Do you go with a dude? Like just a dude? Like if I met you, I was so fucking interesting, man. I didn't know, I never fuck doing the ass. Oh, okay. All right. All right, let's, I gotta get into this man, because can I say something that's never happened to a guy is, at least with me, where a guy is that open and okay with the sex, first of all, okay with yourself and cool with who you are and okay with the sexuality

enough to just be like, yeah, fuck you, this is the way it is. Especially on this alpha male show can you turn that down a little bit please you know that's that's really interesting to me man I mean once in a while so you like feminine dudes yeah for me like I just think sexuality is a very fluid thing and everybody has their own mix and mine happens to you know swing that way sometimes. Very rarely, you know, once in a blue moon but I won't turn it down.

If it makes my dick hard, it makes my dick hard. Who am I to fucking argue with it? Well, I mean, look, first of all, anything that can make you dick hard. Well, I can have a little kid can be fucking crawling your lap if you have no, you know, if you have boxish wets on, you dick will pop up. You'll have to fight it. You know what I mean? The kid.

Well, do you ever go over? You ever go over? You ever go over fucking your cousin's house for Christmas? Watch a little kid running around. You get sweatpants on. You go, what are we on for? No, I have no sweat. No, I have no sweat.

I have no sweat. Chris is way too hot. Sorry, this is crazy. I am hot today. I feel it. My hair looks good. Yeah, too bad. That's lost.

Too bad your act isn't following your hair career. Well, that would be a headliner. So what's up brother? How you doing? You're right there, dude. Hey, so actually let's put you right in the main seat. Okay? Right in the main seat. Aaron Burgess here. Me if I had willpower. Yeah. I'm him if he had a career. It's true. It's starting, Bobby. I can feel it. I feel it. It's magical. It's funny We were just talking to Zach. Do you know Zach? Yeah, I know Zach from that. That's for you by the way. Oh, I fucking love you Yeah, I'll go talk about this a little bit. Yeah, Zach and I go way back. Have you guys ever had sex? Not together. Not sure he has had sex Well, no, he was just telling me that he goes with dudes once in a while.

Not like dudes like me or you, but like a feminine twinkie dude, he'll be like whatever. Like a depo. Yeah, hook up with it. No. Better than that, right? I'll catch a beat from a dude with eyeliner every once in a while. Yeah, you're fucking meet some weird dude

at a fucking comic con. Yeah. I didn't know that about that. I didn't know that about that. I didn't know it either, but I fucking. Is this a new thing? No, I've been talking about it for like two or three years now I think you have a threesome and the guy just put it in your mouth and that's how it went

No, that was way after that. Oh, okay. You've been others than that. Yeah tons of yeah when I was in college Usually it's usually it's like guy guy girl for e-sums with another dude who's also half a fake Yeah, okay, so so but you've been with just a dude You just been met a dude once it's occurred. Yeah, you just go home. Yeah, and and and sometimes I'll do it in my friends bed Just to fucking make that much comfortable really with the guy in the bed. Oh, yeah, just to just a ruin their night I don't get to wait a minute you slow down. Are you fucking with me like you know? I actually jerked a dude off on my friends bed once just because I thought it was funny that he came on his bed. Are you left to there?

That's pretty funny, dude. I mean, it'd be a horrible roommate, though. That's funny, it's funny in the gay world and the heterosexual world. So you jerked a dude off, that's it. Yeah, that's it. What was the fuck? What, you're gonna go out?

Yeah. Yeah, it isn't for you, you just slept from Jersey. It's, you don't give a head, so that's your only option. How many people will fucking booing you on the internet? I know. Oh, you're one of those girls that I have locked you up. I hate that. No, back in my day, I was pretty much the BJ queen, but like, you know, I'm all right now.

Well, when you were 14, when you were 13. Like, 13 to like, 20 to like, a lot of uncles and priests. Yeah. 22, you stopped? Yeah, I come down a bit, but yeah, I was wild So you how many who's blown more Zach are you? Definitely here definitely here. Have you lost your have you have a bone a guy only twice? Really did you like it? Yeah, it was whatever. Yeah, not really for me. What about they blew you? Oh, yeah? So you just you'll take a blow just selfish. You'll take a blow job from somebody Yeah, we need we me. What a, but they blew you. Oh, yeah. So you just, you'll take a blowjob. I'm just selfish. You'll take a blowjob from somebody.

Yeah, we need to get a blowjob. You have to take the ring out of your cock or not. I used to not have to. Now I have to because the ring's too big. Right. And I don't want to hear the whole time. Yeah, why not? Some guys love that.

I want to hear it once in my life. I like, I like getting spit on now. I like that. I love that. And it doesn't have to be a- A-ah! Yeah. But like a little poo. For me, you know, by the way, it's the sound of the ring

hitting like their teeth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It just, it sounds painful. The poor twink has to get a fucking dental plan when they suck his cock. Well, dental plan wasn't a real joke.

It was a fuck, everybody. Give me the bandana. Yeah. Give it to me. I'll take the bomb first I always get it first you know what cuz I take risks I'm a risk taker I had a little Mexican girl the owner of all is in the room I'm gonna lay everybody bow. He's here to Get some cow. That didn't rhyme. But whatever. What's up? No, I'm how you doing? Sit down buddy. Come on sit down you own it a bunch of people to show up. How are you?

The owner of all you know Zack, Zack is hello. He was here last time. You know Lauren. You know scopo. You know Deepu. What Lauren's role? She is actually helping Deepu. I mean Chris scopo with a bunch of stuff. So Yeah, the mic is annoying. You hurry up and finish whatever you're doing. It's just annoying Just annoying. What's talking about? Can you all right? That's good. Just figure out I don't know where but me Yeah, all right. Well, that's annoying. We're hearing it. So, just fix it. Oh, that's just annoying.

It owns everything. Where are you now? Fixed. I haven't been here since you renovated. This is lovely. How great is it? Yeah, it's great. It's very spacious.

Tony, who works, I mean, at both places, he's known as a main man who does all the carpentry at both clubs. Anything needs fix. I mean, he is the carpentry at both clubs. Anything needs fix. I mean, he is the guy, a master at everything. I wrote it down on a napkin, and not a rapist or a drug dealer. I mean, his wife is one of the managers here, and I wrote it on, I go, this is what I want, this is the table I want, this is what I want it to do. On a fucking napkin, and he made this.

Yeah, this is a great table. This is like a I want, this is what I wanted to do. On a fucking napkin and he made this. This is a great table. This is like a late night table. Just actually our lights up, but that broke like the first week. Isn't that happened with everything new? Everything, even a car. It's like, yeah, check out that, I gotta get that fixed.

But anyways, we were just talking about Zach, I don't know, I don't know, I keep reintroducing it, but the fucking Zach will hook up with a dude once in a while. No, I actually got a fucking... No, that happened. A massage and a handjob from a guy. What was it, what was it, a Chinese?

What was it? Tye, tie boy, right? Was it a massage or a... What the hell are you talking about? The massage you got, you got a massage by a boy, man. Yeah, not a handjob, but, okay, but a massage. No, when I was in Korea, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I met this, I think you're supposed to call him a she. Yeah, but it was a he. Yeah, and he kind of fell in love with me. Who wouldn't?

Yeah. And, oh, so Jewish. And Japanese. It's all the same for me. And he began to relate to me like my girlfriend. It was weird. Well, that's because you kept taking him out to dinner. Buying him fucking shoes.

And swimsuits. His name was OJ Young. because you kept taking him out to dinner. Buying him fucking shoes. Well, yeah, and swim suits. His name was OJ Young. Yeah. You remember that, you were loved. Yeah, and you remember all the songs. Everybody gave me tea under a soul namu tree. You remember? You remember?

You remember all the songs. Everybody gave me tea under a soul namu tree. And this happened, fuck you, this happened, because there's no way you can just make that up. This happened. And he was a TV star in Korea. Oh, swinging a manager. And then, you know, I have a club in New York.

You can come down, you work it. You come down, join my band. And it was weird because, to be honest, like we were hanging out and we were at a party and stuff. And I began to think it was a girl. Like, he wouldn't even even not dressed as a girl But he was dainty and yeah like you and I kept he had no no way more more more dainty like people way more you no no David's dainty or dainty or dainty or dainty the Asians get next level dainty yeah

Like write that down down Why would you even fucking take a shut up everybody's all we're all gay. Thank God. So then something that right down that ended You know, I went back to New York. I hope it happens and then he like six months later. He shows up in New York Oh, and you're a dick popped out of your jeans and he stayed in my apartment. Yeah, wait a minute stop Stop stop stop stop stop. It sugar's atty stop stop stop. Okay, so why? Why did he she why did he she stay in your apartment? I think you're sleeping my farm or you're just there all the time actually I don't quite remember but Juanita was freaking out your wife now. Why was she? Why was she freaking because

I know why she's freaking you had a little man boy living in your apartment I bought a you seeman in Thailand that bring it to you little man boy living in your apartment. I bought it on your seam in Thailand. They bring it to you. Yeah, but the thing is, remember you'll come on my back. I keep it. I mix it in with Sachi sauce.

What kind of sauce? Sachi. Sachi. So, I would come home from work or whatever it is. You get nice blow jobs. No. You get nice blow jobs. And who would have dinner on the table? Really. And he would put my shoes away. Whatever it is you get nice blow jobs. No Give nice blow jobs

Dinner on the table really and he would put my shoes away And he really was like I how I wanted it would fucking hit the ceiling Because he was taking care of me anyway, and he like he be like she doesn't do this for you You need somebody like In your life, I don't know I don't I've tried to find a back shock Facebook We're gonna get it back in your life. I don't know. I tried to find a back shot Miss connections Jay hyong if anybody could that is to create listen to your another problem working We're gonna find we need to find what what what need to do for higher P.I.s TV is a TV personality here no in career

And a big one. How do you spell it? Yeah? What's what's this? I don't have spell is in Korean, but the last name would be H young H you D and G H you H Y you and G, but I think um In I but I think in Korean is Korean actually bad It's be like young Roger like they put the first name on the back Why is it gay or what he did for you then Zach actually blowing a guy? Why is that gay? Well, and they just find the fight I'll tell you the Zach

He's want to get off you were love so the final thing is them one either how old do you think he is or was 40 now? He's 40 now. It still looks still looks 18. Yeah What do you mean was she found makeup all over the bathroom one day right? And accused me of cheating. But it was his. But it turned out to be OJs here. So OJ put on the makeup so when you fucked, I didn't. I didn't.

You look at me. You had a gacha. It's okay. Look at me. I want you to look at me. You're on camera right now. Can you zoom in on him? Yes.

And zoom in on me, okay? No, it's, it's looking me, please. It's really easy to look at you. It's creepy it's looking me please please look at you do you creamer look at me you look at fucking young for a thing that was you always put in makeup on hey did you not on young oh Jay Young oh Jay Young I can't

fun Jay Young if did you have sexual relations with oh Jay Young no I never I never I never I never I never had such relations with Ho-J Young. Okay, now did you put a cigar in his bum? No, I didn't put a cigar in. Did you ever see his penis? No. Look at me. No. Did you ever?

I never saw his penis. You look that way. Look at me. I never saw his penis. You're on his penis. Did he ever see your penis? No. You blinked and you turn your head. That's a lie

Look at me stay straight. Now. He's looking me stay straight Yeah, see look at me look it don't look away Listen, you could ask me anything under this under this under this growing conditions that I'd have trouble to a gamble. Where is the career? Look at me. Where is he hiding? Okay, okay. Do you answer this question?

Do you love your wife? Yes. Bobby, that's true. That is true. Now, did you ever fantasize about maybe hookin' up with them? No, no, no. Well, I'll be picking up an increased heart rate. Yeah, the heart rate.

Let me ask you another question. Did he ever touch you? No. He massage, he gave me massage, yeah. Well, did you ever share it on? That's a no. I don't remember. Who is a shard on massage?

Yeah, it seems like I wouldn't have. If I got a massage from Zach, I'd have him I share it on. I go bear back. Thank you, bud. I think even massage kind of like began to, I think he began to massage down towards my butt I think yeah, you

Wanting my one-eater remember one thing my wife. She has a photographic girl, you know Christine memory of anything that ever happened to me. I'm a husband went gay Remember those three weeks Clear is day now. I'm clear as day. I do remember the yes I do. So that's crazy, man. So you found love with a little boy in Thailand. You had a little man boy that you brought back. I mean, if he had been a woman, I would have found him a track there.

Really? So you found him a track there as a man, a little bit? I'm saying that his person, like it was nice to come home and have supper on the table and his massage and have her sit at my feet when I was drinking tea and stuff. And it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it I think it's because the type of people that they are. I think that they're ingrained to take care of people like that. Whereas Americans aren't. Yeah, and what are you getting at? What's that? I don't do shit for my husband.

I know. That's not a good thing. I know. You think you, first of all, you're really setting it up just for people not to like you, Lord. I know. You don't give blow jobs. You don't give blow jobs. I used to give it to him.

I'm just going to have my hair back in the day. It's like a job. And now she doesn't. That's what they call it. I know. It's not blow fun, honey. No, it to you. I used to give it to you. I'm just the queen of head back in the day. It's like a job. And but now she doesn't. That's what they call it. I know. It's not blow fun honey. No, it's not. More of a suck favor. Yeah. How long have you been with your husband for? Two years married. And no blow jobs. No, I do. But I don't know you. We've already talked about this. I know. We've already talked about this. She doesn't say. She doesn't say. She's married. I didn't really. Yeah, she's wife is giving blow jobs. Yeah. Yeah, I don was on my side of the bed last night

I was like look if you're not touching my dick beat it. Yeah, beat it If you're not touching my peca get the fuck out right here. We got Mike Lawrence just stepped in What's up, buddy? Did you really say that's your wife? Not I not in that tone We were joking when I said it. She I was joking here now But apparently you didn't get the joke So you made it serious and then you made me feel like a rapist Well, did you say it half-kitting? I mean I was kidding. She laughed she got it, but you meant it

I meant it, but I was kidding she can do whatever she wants. I mean you why you fucking ripping apart the joke and bomb Let it bomb you fucking analytical ass Because you're doing is a joke and I'm doing it as an insight into you and your part and you're Exactly that's the problem interesting this is the problem with you this is the problem with you you're looking me this the problem with me look at me this the problem because you don't look when we talk you got a look you look at the Asian boy I think I think I walked in on the evolution of podcast it wasn't funny so let's try to make it important now yeah it's like you like let it bomb. I have it with it

We'll talk about Mike welcome to the show brother. Thanks. Thanks, sir I'm gonna get into comic con later. Don't you worry? I'm fine. We're gonna need to talk about it. We're talking about Zaki was talking about Zaku as a new favorite of the show Yeah, that's great He's awesome and he was talking about like how he just you know he'll hook up with a dude once in a while no big deal whatever and You know, he's done it not not all the time. He's got a chick, he likes chicks, done some threesomes, hooked up with a guy and that. And then once in a while, we'll hook up with a feminine little boy and gnome actually fell in love with a little boy

in Vietnam, correct? He literally fell in love with a little boy and the little boy came back here. He came back here, a man boy, it's a man boy. Came back to the States and lived with no him for a month and gave him massages and tea and rubbed his feet and, you know, cursed his girlfriend at the time now, wife, which he doesn't treat you right. Would you ever sleep? Would you ever have that? You ever have? I was with a guy in college for like three weeks. You really? Yeah. Shhh, wait's up, Michael?

I fucking love you more now. You know, I put together the gay podcast. You fucking wore the pink shirt. You like, Newy was gonna talk about this today. So you slept to the guy for three weeks. I mean, we never like but fucked, but you know, hand jobs and stuff. Yeah.

It was the worst hand job I ever had. That's why I was like, no, I thought we were supposed to be the best at this. It was the worst hand job I ever had. That's why I was like, no, I thought we were supposed to be the best at this. It was like aggressive. Like he was taking all the hate he had about his parents on my dick. Like it was rough. Really?

Yeah. This is so fucking crazy. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. That's one thing about Canadian things. The one thing about gay porn, which I've watched before, just for a few minutes,

it's what it doesn't do for me is that gay guys, even when they give it had, it's like the way you're supposed to give it had, you know, like women give it had, and it's a whole thing, it's a little balls, and then they lick the top and kiss it. You know what I heard of it, which? And look at you, you know what I mean?

Like guys just go, and make you. No, you're hurt, who it was. And look at you. You know what I mean? Like, guys just go, eh, eh, eh, and make you come. And even like with hand jobs, it's like, just fucking, it's aggressive. There's no sexiness to it. Like when you watch that. That's just what you want. Yeah, it's like a hardware store.

It's fucking awesome. It's like a hard-shan job. See, I like a hard-shan job. You do. I like an angry hand job, yeah. Really? Yeah. Well, he was like, Why do you need the world to tell you See I like a harsh hand job you do I like an angry hand job really yeah, well He's why do you need the world to tell you it hates you in more ways than it already has like

Aaron was talking about like blow jobs. Don't like us. I love this. I love a spit blow. I love a wet blow job. I love Exactly volunteer to be the middle of a human centipede like that's what I love just... I got one last thing. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. like that whole up poo. Yeah, what do you like? No, I'm a little Asian boy. Yeah. A little ho. Yeah.

Can I say a story? I had a three-some-one time with two black girls. Oh, I was going to think I was going to say, guys, I was going to be so happy. And the one girl was giving the other girl, was fingering the other girl. Yeah. The first, he comes up and hears the other.

And she fingered her so hard that the other girl started bleeding. Nice. Yeah. Virzy brought his kids and he's like, add cheese. You could repop your cherries. She probably potted cherries. She didn't pop a cherries.

So rough. And it was kind of like, I'm like, what, you can repop a cherries with like, how Superman saves Lois at the end of the first one. Yeah. Oh, like, fly around the world. Exactly. Backwards.

He just doesn't fess it up that the cherry repels it. He's going to get up. No, no, no, he's going to sit over here. And I couldn't believe what I was saying. You think that it's kind of the same thing. You think that, oh, she'd be super gentle and knowing about the way she did it. No, she was horrible.

Paul Versey's in the house. All right, well, I'm just going to catch you up real quick, brother, because I don't want to go over it again. A lot of games. Zach has been with a couple guys here in there. No big deal. Just, you know Wait, what do you mean guys like you know guy? I don't know why do you look like the BC boys tour manager? Hang on a second before you get all fucking crazy. Let me just go through it before you say what you mean I'm gonna explain after okay

He's been with a couple guys here and there. Mike, what were the do for three weeks in college? Nome was with a lady man, a man boy in Vietnam and brought her back. He lived with them for a couple weeks and Aaron is full blown homosexual. Yeah, it's just been blown at this point. He just came out of the front. No, seriously, not him, but everybody else is sure.

We kept saying Canadian, but then we found the truth. Yeah. He's so nice. Yeah, what's up dude? All right, no, nothing. That's a lot to walk into. Well, if you just got up and walked right back out. Just got his car, went back up to West Justin.

City, quiz. And Robert sucked a dick for a steak one time. I want to say, you know when Renazizi came out and admitted that he wasn't in the battower? I mean, for self he didn't he was caught. He was caught. I wasn't. He didn't confed he was he was caught. I'm gonna admit in the same vein I want to admit that I didn't suck a guy's dick for a steak. I don't mind. I told the story and it was for a chicken parm. It was actually just me and another kid and we gave each other the hand jobs when we were young yet, but it was like first grade-ish type shit.

Can you do like a sincere apology about this? I want to say to gnome because I know you like man boys and you guys who have been with men, I apologize. This guy's only admitted it because you fucking catfish. You know what, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right.

You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right.

You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you fucking catfished all of them, sex girl friends. There are people out there who have died for stakes and you motherfuckers. What's trying to get Mike Lawrence's midnight residuals now? That's fucking terrible in the neighborhood. I think it's fucking horrible.

Was there a stake involved? It was. It wasn't a stake. Well that's the part, I mean, we always put it over Bobby's eye after he blackened it. How fun was that? Well that's the part. We always put it in the's eye after he black and I just think it look man I Versus just it yet. I know what the fuck Bob We're gonna be smoking this guy. Don't you fucking bring me a wee suck. What if you reveal?

What if you decide to reveal this as a favor to Rana's easy, like, look, man, take the heat for you. I'm going to take the heat. I know people who I mean, you know, just just get off the topic of, uh, suck and dick. But I actually heard Rana's easy on, uh, stern, I was, we talked about it on the show. Um, and, uh, I heard him on how it's stern and I'm done. I got it. I, I know what he did. Yeah. He explained it, you know, you know Renas easy. I what happened? I heard the story a little bit

Well, you basically he told the story that he was in the buildings and he became the 9-11 comic that he was in the building Everybody who met him famous would be like you were in the building Well, it wasn't his press kit. He talked about it on Marin So talk about a Marin he talked about it on a bunch of podcasts, actually, like three major podcasts. What's wrong? No, no, no, it's just, you know, which I, I'm friends with, like I like Steven Steven.

Good to me, so it's kind of like a weird thing for me to talk about, you know. He's like, can we get back to the gay shit? Can we waste this? Yeah, right. Yeah. I'm like, I'm friends with Steve. We go back to that. No, it's just, it's a tough one. Well like, I'm friends with Steve. We go back to that.

No, no, it's just Steve. Well, then good. Well, it's not a tough one. Here's what he did. It's really not. I know what he did. He lied back in the day when he was a young comedian. His name is Steve.

Steve. Yeah. I thought he said, Ren is easy. Ren is easy. The same thing as Steve. No, that's his last name. People have first name. Oh, I thought Ren is the last name.

I thought it was like, people have, like, I'm Bob Kelly. Okay, no, I didn't know it was the last name. I thought it's a name. Oh, Jay that's like Lawrence Yeah, he was a white guy in bird. He was a white guy with a heart Deep who what the fuck you know he needed a gimmick. What's he post last? Armour Armadip what's his last name? Gil Armadip But okay, here's what happened. He did this thing when he was young comic and he didn't know. He didn't know it was going to be his thing. He thought it was just going to be a story. He told it became his fucking sufi to use a better term.

It became his thing that people were, he was becoming popular about this story was getting him in and he got caught up in it, and he thought it was gonna go away. At some point, his career would surpass this story, and he would be the guy from illegal. He'd be the great comic Steve, and it never did. And it just kept getting brought up and brought up, and he kept having to tell it,

and it was his fucking own nightmare. Would he like the keynote speaker at some 9-11 Memorial events? No, he never did that. But, you know, look man, we all evolved, we all changed. When he told me he was a single guy coming up in New York, now he's a father or two, an married guy, and he fucked up.

But the only thing. He went on how it stern, the biggest show in the world, and explained it, and apologized, and admitted it, and took the hit, and apologized to 9-11 people, victims, and families. No, to the actual event. Well, he... Dear 9-11, I am so sorry.

Well, Pete Davidson's so funny, he called him out on Twitter, and basically was like, you know, yeah, I'm going to go have lunch with my father, something like that. Steve didn't get that he was busting his balls and he was like, hey, I really appreciate it, Steve. Thanks for the support. Take for the support, Pete. He was like, apparently you didn't get it.

My joke, but they actually talked off. He called each other and, uh, you need to talk to the Prince of 9-11. Well, that's what he said. It was like, look man, I really, that's my life. My father's dead from that. So, fuck you taking that and making it a fake story. Yeah, I mean, my thought on is like, I don't think that he should be like ruined.

Buffalo Wild Wings took away their endorsement, which they get they have to do that is a corporate thing. But the only part of it that is a corporate thing but The only part of it that is weird when he's apologizing all these places is that yeah like I said he did get caught He didn't confess Someone figured it out. How did he get caught? Yeah, well because he times reporter called him up It was the easiest lie. He said that he was in a Merrill Lynch building and there's no Merrill Lynch, he knew there's no Merrill Lynch building. You never know Merrill Lynch. He never knew Merrill Lynch was building in the thing.

Tower. Well, they were doing a thing on his special. This is what happened. They were doing a thing, the times you put it was doing a review of a special and they were going through all this stuff and that story is part, it's a badge he carries with him. You know what I mean?

Because that's an incredible story. To have that be on the league, have us this, Bumble Bumble, a special coming out. And he also said that's what got him into comedy like he moves out late to do comedy Yeah, that was his origin story. Yeah, I mean, but literally it was that I realized that life was precious Yeah, and then it was about him and his girlfriend at the time who is now his wife and they were in the building together And so I mean it's tough like he fucked up, but's the he's he's taking the hits yeah yeah he's out there just taking it and admitting it and apologizing and he went on stern which is the biggest fucking show you can go on and he took the fucking hits and then you know and

I don't believe these people go you know attack okay attack him I guess but you don't fuck with his kids you You don't fuck with his family. No, absolutely. You don't fucking, I just, who fuck with his kids? Who do you fucking Twitter people, Davidson? No, no. Are you listening?

Are you even fun? Are you thinking about that boy, aren't you? I'm thinking about own songs. You talk more about kids getting fucked around. What kids? Speaking of uncontrollable fires when me and Hungsung were near the name farm. I'm not a totally.

Look, the average politician, Hillary Clinton, claims she was ducking sniper fire in Bosnia and they find a video of her not ducking sniper fire in Bosnia. Here's the thing, it's tough to be a sympathetic white person. It really is. And so people fucking manufacture these stories. The way that he explained on Stern made sense where he was like, look, I was at the comedy store.

I was just, I was just a guy with a decent middle class upbringing. I didn't have anything. These people with addictions and really interesting shit are always talking and then like he wants to fit in. And yeah, that's what, you know. Happy birthday to you know happy birthday to you It's got to buy my hair In the whole cake

Don't buy about giving a blowjob to have the cake! Ah! Okay, I can go now. Now I don't even know if Nome's story was true. It's all a fix for the cake. Now that little Asian boy is going to pop out of the cake. Oh! It's a bit of a move to it, baby! Oh, Nome! it's good to see.

Why am I doing, you got me doing a Japanese shitting. It's funny, the candles remind me of what happened to his village. I am the sweater. Thank you very much. Oh, that's very nice of you. Oh, you got a present? Present, we're supposed to be in present? This is for me, I bought the cake.

I bought the cake, Robert. How's my? This is nice. This is a oh It's a stick. Oh these are so go. Oh, this is a David off, isn't it? Yeah, this is a fucking holy shit stick God and these are fucking oh That's a for when he said once like different in paper than the other but they're paper. Oh my god You guys are so thank you guys Thank you Deepu. Thank you Chris. Thank you Lauren. It makes up for you and

No, I'm getting to you. I'm saying I save you for last and Liz Liz Liz who last is this is typical Liz. She's supposed to get a cake. She managed to get you. Oh, who got the cake? I got the cake. It's still be typical is to have gotten the cake with it. It's not. It's Lauren. So give it to Lauren. Say Lauren, you're like Liz, which is a high compliment. Oh, that's good. Lauren, you're not that bad. You're like Liz. How help you be the heavy human connection. That's day. Liz wouldn't have spelled it wrong. But anyway, go ahead, go ahead.

I'm kidding. Oh, geez. I got a one. I got it. I got in the back with the figure. All right, here we go, ready? Here we go. Yeah. That's great. Thank you.

I didn't get to do it. It didn't work, you're the best. I fucking love you. Yeah, well, it is my birthday, and I actually didn't get anything from my birthday. It was very sad. Last week was very sad week. This is a very sad week now.

To be honest, my father-in-law passed away last week. At this age, I'm 45, OK? I'll admit that unlike other comics in the business who don't admit their age. So cool. You figure it out so. I was going to, but 9-11 happened. But last week, when the phone rings now

and you see it somebody from your family, I get petrified. Cause it's never gonna be. And of course, she got a call and I'm with the kid and then I just hear crying and I'm like, fuck, I knew exactly what it was. Her father was a great man. I'm not crying, I'm just gonna let something in my throat.

And funny guy, ball buster, big guy, loved by everybody, sweetest guy ever, like her mother, and if we can be anything like her parents, I would be fucking happiest person ever. Those two together were just, I mean, her mother was just like the best, just like Dawn. My you know, Nuno Dawn. I mean, she knew she was dying,

she was like, I'm gonna take me home. I'm not, I'm gonna smoke and eat cake. That's what she did knew she was dying. She was like, I'm gonna take me home. I'm not, I'm gonna smoke an e-cake. That's what she did until she fucking died. I remember they had a cover half the table. We were all just looking at the cake. We were looking at you with your cigars in your cake. Yeah. Yeah.

She would pass, she would pass out of the table with a cigarette and like a piece of cake, and a fork. So they would, she, they covered half the table with tinfoil, because she was like, I have some fire. So they just covered the table with tinfoil. You know, and her father's the fucking best. But then of course, we found out Calbee, my dog,

my first dog has cancer. And then just before the show today, I found that my sister needs a kidney transplant. So we have, you know, it's been a fight. It's that time of life. I'm gonna give her the kidney can't why wrong blood type you tested yes I did I told I came out of the wing would you have given her the kidney absolutely absolutely if I could yes apps of fucking

lute I mean yes if I could give her the I mean it stop is there other people in the family that could give the kidney to how many people could give it, I mean, stop. Is there other people in the family that could give the kidney too? How many people could give her the kidney? Is it just me? You would give it no matter what. Yeah, but your site, you don't have to give it. Hang on one second. Not just me.

Give me the scenario. How many people? I have eight uncles and aunts and three people. 50 cousins, three people. Yeah, no, I'm not first. The other two are thinner than you are. I'm at the end, even if they were fat of me. I'm at the end my kidney functions perfect by the way Right, so I don't know what you what do you mean you're asking?

What I'm saying is that no, but I was I got you know what I got a fucking show to film I got stuff to do so if there's someone they can do about a son, Bob. Oh I'm about to do but I bet you have a baby that's also Because you have a kid so somebody who doesn't have a kid should probably give it first. Thank you. Zach for backing me up. No, you give the kidney. Here's what I'm going to say. What if my uncle didn't give the kid? Can I just say why I said thinner? Just so you know, because I imagine that. It's more taxing on all your bodily organs. That's true. To be how you probably it. It is. It probably need both kidneys more than, uh, uh, uh, That's not true.

Bobby is kidney shape. If it didn't, it's better shape. It's easier for him to give a kidney. That's what I needed. One I went and got tested the day of. Yeah. I wasn't a match. My brother and sister were a match.

My sister gave him the kidney. My brother was going to, but he's like, I'm too busy with work. And I was like, what the fuck kind of dick move is that? Well, I'm just a give it. I'm definitely understanding it. You would have to, you would have to lose weight if you were going to. Which would be another thing too.

If there was time, it was right. I thought, oh yeah. If there were two people, if there was three people, I was one of them and they were in shape. He was two of them. Okay. I was doing three people. And they were all me.

His dog has cancer, you fuck a whole asshole. Well, here's the thing, too. Of course I would give my... I don't want you to give it to me. What if you were talking about all the sad shit he just admitted that the man boy just died yesterday? No. I would give my sister a kidney if she needed it.

If I was the only one that could do it, and she needed it, of course I'd give it to her. Absa, fucking Lulee, I'd give my sister a kidney if she needed it. If she need, if I was the only one that could do it, and she needed, of course I'd give it to her. Abs of fucking Lulee I'd give it to her. Just as long as I don't have the, you know, just as long as she had exhausted every single option. Every single option. Absolutely.

Like, I remember my mother called me up the first time, she called me up, she's like, you know, you're sister needs a kidney. I was devastated. And she goes, so there's, you know, we're all gonna meet at the hospital on Tuesday and I was like, wow, okay. And then we're gonna get checked.

I'm like, check for what? She goes, well, you're blood type to see if you can give her a kidney. I was like, isn't there a list? That's from some she was. I was like, I'm busy that day. I go, is there like a list of people that I saw that on the license

There's like a dot yeah, that's hard to get on that list like if you don't have a family member It'll take years and to watch someone go through what the clubs are called dialysis. I went with a I went with a really big watch People who have to go on dialysis was it five days a week sometimes seven it's a nightmare four hours at a pop it's fucking life-changing miserable yeah and she did it she did it before iPads and iPhones magazines imagine four hours of the fucking magazine yeah I'll do four hours of dialysis no problem now with the fucking iPads yeah give me a fucking iPad I'll fucking do dials this all week. It's a fact. But anyways, her daughter is a match. So she's going to try to give her the kidney.

That's very good. So hopefully that whole, she's got to go on a list. Anyways, but hopefully that works out. I love my sister. We've been through a lot together in life. But then here's another thing. Kelby, we get a, he gets a little thing. A mole turns into a big thing,

he's licking it, we bring him down. You know, if 600 bucks to get the mole checked and then put the cone on, then they come back and they're like, well, we gotta get it removed. That's fucking $1,300 and then we, we wanna check it again. That's another $400, okay. They wanna do an ultrasound.

It's on the kidney because it's like I don't have fucking five grand a fucking toss at a 16 year old dog How do you have that conversation with your wife wait? He's 16 You gotta let him go Dog robber you have a kid man He's 16 I mean, you know if he was six I'd say throw him the money, you know what I mean? Yeah, don good run. Don't go to the New York Animal Hospital,

by the way, the one on first avenue, whatever it is. All right, go to the one that they are, to the place. I went to the New York Animal Hospital and, you know, I got caught cheating at the New York Animal Hospital. It's a, they, what? Just like the nine, just like I caught cheating at 9.11

because I had this Korean girlfriend one time friend and she had a little dog. And, and one time I brought, and she had a little dog. And one time I brought the dogs in New York, Animal Hospital for my girl, you know, for the other girl. And it went on my record. And then, my wife and I brought our other dog, and they were like, well, how's Popo?

I wanted to be like, who's Popo? Popo, Popo. How's Popo? Bobo, Bobo. Bobo. Bobo. You're moaning, boop, boop, boop. See, I think dog years were like invented by men who just want to not feel guilty about killing the dog. Because your dog's really 112. You know? I mean, that's, I mean, come on.

He's, he's, he's had a good life. It's hard, man. I, he looked, man, I, like good life. It's hard man. I look man I like Keith Robinson No, man. How much he fucking bugs me that grumpy old fucking motherfucker He when he I had when I was having my kid he goes you when you have your kid your dog And they become dogs. I'm like fuck you. I love my dogs, dude. That's bullshit Six months after I had the kid

He walked up at the seller and he goes show him with a pitchy dog's dumb dumb. I had none I was like fuck those pain in the ass. They become dogs and right now with the kid I love my dog, but it's like it's a dog. I know, but how do my wife? God man, I mean I'm gonna go out and tell jokes to make earn $5,000 see what it's like Yeah, I don't know what I mean so what can we vote please? Real my wife I want to vote right now right now you're making you're gonna put your fucking dogs life in our Whatever we vote in this room right now. Why should take a collection on the the podcast community? Maybe they'll they'll we'll go fun me for your dog

Not doing I'm fucking go fun me for my dog Comics with cancer Now what's his name Eric Bergstrom. He's amazing. He needs like 50,000. Yeah, listen. Yeah, they're guy Can we please? What's his name Eric Bergstrom Eric Bergstrom? Yeah, super funny a brilliant artist and Illustrations are phenomenal. He has a go fun me right now. He is a hot Hodgkin Hodgkin's lymphoma stage 4 and it's fucking he needs 50 grand so if you guys can please go Google him find his go fund me I'll put the link up, but scobos gonna tweet the link out find it on our Twitter If you can give a dollar, okay, please whatever you can give

I'm gonna give some money. We're gonna donate some money from the podcast From all the people here, so just go there. What's his name again? No Eric first room. He's one of those like real deal guys who like go out and sell his artwork on Union Square Yeah, I've known him since I've been doing state up here in 2007. I don't know what that means real deal guys Real deal guy because he sells a lot. No, he fucking gives life. What am I? He gives his life for a lot. No, he just swam poetry on the F-Train.

What are the real deal guys? Real deal. He has a saxophone on the lower side. He's like, when I'm back there. It sounded less appeal in the more bike talks about it. I mean, there's lots of guys who spell like office jobs and shit and they kinda care, but they really diamond this guy.'t have this guy on the office job

Bobby how long you think it how long you want us dog to live like how well how long you want your dog to go? I don't know fucking what are you look at you gonna take him out for me? Bobby you know maybe you go out for a little bit no one's home the dog Now say you take the dog out a nice trip first Fucking the woods The dog gets it. Now I'm saying you take the dog out of nice trip first, you know? But listen, I've never been fucking the wood. You know what I'm saying? It goes up staple a little bit. I got a pantry in the back yard. I'll fucking bear that fucksucker under the pantry.

That's a fuck. I got nine cats in a fucking Chihuahua in my backyard. That's my side business. I fucking take dogs out. All right. Oh, shit. I think you until it's time, until they tell you it's time to put the dog down and I think you throw money at the dog.

No, no, no, no, no. Are you kidding me? How much money do I throw at it? It's got a year or two left, maybe. Maybe six months. Now I take the tumor out. I told my wife this. I said, you can take this tumor out.

This one. Okay, take it out. but if he gets another one, because another one, another one, another one, that could be, I know a guy. What if you offer its kidneys to your sister? I got you a present. Man, that's not a fan. I'm sorry.

I'm kidding. It wasn't right. Yeah. You can offer the kidneys to that guy dying of cancer. I'm sorry, my family. it's people that don't get medicine She perk there's the thing my dog growing up was healthy until he died and he lived to 17 So even if your dog didn't have this he doesn't have much time. What'd you choke? I have

I got my dog back to camera. I gotta tell you story. I don't you know. I had a dog Bonnie and one day Bonnie, but the dog Bonnie I had a dog a body I was in the morning one day hold out one day Bonnie was something my other dog pumping my other dog Gigi on the bed. Oh, yeah, I'm pumping furiously. What are you fucking Liberace? And then I've been the Asian man boy become the least gay thing about it. Well, I'm a lasso, upsoats. And... And... Like, like, if you will, we will.

And in the middle of the humping, in the middle of the humping, Bonnie turned over just basically totally like, like, paralyzed. We'll move. Really? The russure to the vet, that says that this is... She's done. Yeah. You just put her to sleep. Okay, fuck.

What? Shit out of her. And, and the Georgia, she was, she was 16 at the time. That's why I fucked, yo. She was 16 at the time. That's what I was like. Listen to this. She was 16.

She stopped pointing at me, I'm listening. So I have headphones off. So the vet, so, so wanting to say those put her to sleep and I was like, I can't, I really love this dog. So let's just take her home, a little bit just to say, you know, so we take her home and she she she literally paralyzed. She's shitting all over So and one either is feeding her and then like one he's like we really got to put this dog to sleep I'm not three days later one need to walk into feeder and Bonnie like licks like that

I said one is she's looking one is please put her to sleep all right the end of the story is eight days later The dog is running around Barking at the door like nothing ever happened. Whatever it was. She's like a dick. The dog lived another seven years. She just can't have a big dog there. The dog, no, she was doing the humping.

The dog lived another six, I guess six and a half years from the time the vet said she's done. So if you, so maybe you ought to fix this dog because she may not quite a long walk there's a big difference between your dog fucking coming so hard that they paralyze themselves most dogs don't make it the 23 there's not another seven years yeah that's fucking weird. That's some weird shit. Did I share to traumatizing story when I was in high school? We had a cat that we'd had since I was like five and it peed everywhere.

And my dad made me go in and drop it off at the fucking pound myself. He wouldn't go in. And I was like, Dad, we don't want to go in together. He's like, I've already had to say goodbye to enough things. Oh, wow. And I had to fucking just take it

and I knew that it was going to die. And he just didn't want to do it. Wow. See, I haven't had to put anything down in my life. What I was hoping is that one day we just wake up and Kelby's, I smell something and Kelbee's under the bed, you know, and I think it's a like a slipper. Yeah.

I got it right-aid and I go to move it and it's him. Yeah. And then I can just go bury him in the backyard and I hope they pass away before Max understands. Yeah. You know, I love Diva. Yeah, I don't want that. Right now he's like, you know, he, it's like, you know, he doesn't even know what they are.

Maybe she put them both asleep All right, let's roll right now The money don't spend the money and put the put the dog to sleep I say one round $1,000 who says one round one round I do What do you say? The five grand I can't believe you don't have health insurance for your dog She says you can't believe you don't have health insurance for you. It wouldn't a cup I mean let me let me let me just say that I saw

Deepu and Chris go pose roast battle and if you didn't put them to sleep after it Then you should never put anyone to say Yeah, that roast battle was fucking I should have brought my dog to it. Yeah, fucko, who's, you wanted to go peacefully. It's, I don't know, I don't know. I think, I, I, this is what I told, I said, Don, whatever you want, this time, whatever you want, this time. I'll spend whatever it is this time. That's good. So I don't want us to, but I'm not, I'm not spending tuition money, you know, max.

The best say what the prognosis is if you have the same thing. No, because this is what vets do. They, they fucking lied. They fucking lie. You got it out. I just fucking, no, let me tell you something. I got. Please. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you. Go ahead. You love it out. I just fuck it. No, let me tell you something I got please I got I got it. No, no, no, you're absolutely right because I just went and you know what they're really fucking like They're like these animals. They put animals on a level of humans Okay, which they're fucking not and they put in a weird way to a weird way So I go and I bring my cats Thomas and Stanley I bring Thomas and Stanley to the fucking what the fuck is I go ahead So I bring so you should have

Just no fucking GG and whatever the fuck honey Bonnie Stanley's a fucking cool name for a cast no see Thomas and Stanley meet GG and Bonnie at the Hampton's One thing that I know that they do and I learned this one thing that they do is they open the animals mouth And they go ones the last time it had dental work Oh, I found out that's a fucking yeah, that's a trap. Yeah, that's like a fucking trap that they do. It's like $500 and then they're like, well, let me just take blood and we'll leave it in the fucking refrigerator.

It's like the rust treatment and the auto in the auto when you're sitting on it. Yeah, and they fucking lie and she's like and they make you feel guilty like you never had your cats teeth done. I want to be like bitch, I haven't been to the dentist in fucking eight years. Okay, my cat's not my cat eats mice and f I'm sorry to me just I just What about Lauren? She's not Sometimes when I'm talking about the inner workings of the veterinarian industry, I just

Just thought of me I lose myself. What about the gay guys? What about all those dogters? Maybe about these three guys I'm willing to respect the facts before I respect the veterinarians. You know, they're the real scum of the airs. You get more Italian in the ain't you? I do. I do. I do.

Some day I storm will come and watch all the veterinarians off the face of the face. No, but I agree with you. I think that they make you feel guilty. They make you spend money on things. You don't need to spend the money on, even if the animal is in perfect health. Plus, before human beings existed, animals didn't get their teeth cleaned. So it's a money trap, man. I remember when you were younger, dogs lived for like five years, six years. He has been a logic there, Rob.

Before human beings, your dog would have died of cancer. Just let it go. Well, but I don't think, what's that? Before human beings, you know, you couldn't do anything about, a dog couldn't do anything about cancer. That's, but I look, you, you, my dog is part of the family. It's called me in Diver, but with me for that long, when you get the little tiny dog, you, you love it. He's your friend, you know, you know.

You know, the awesome puppy you can get for $5,000. What? Like, you can get for $5,000. What? Like you can get like the top of the line. I'm not getting any more dogs. I'm not getting any more dogs. You can get, I'm not doing dogs. Dogs and dogs, you can get a dog, a show dog already trained to do tricks.

I mean, you can get, I don't want a show dog. You can really have a better family. You know what I'm getting, I'm getting a fish. I'm getting a fish. So when it's fucking, even if it looks sick, I'll flush that fucking on the toilet and buy one looks exactly like me. It's an awesome tropical fish with a fancy aquarium

and everything for $5,000. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, for $5,000, a fucking nice back rub in Thailand, like you. You know what I would do, Bobby? If I was you, sir, say I would do what everybody said. I would give that, tell your wife, whatever you want. Let's do it one time.

Spend the money, spend the money one time. and if it takes the dog lives longer good if not You know, but I really do believe vets have you back to do a corner because they know you don't know number one and And like I had a friend of mine like I said Joe my friend Joe They went look your dogs gonna die. We need to do this It's 600 dollars. He goes nope. I'm fucking then I'll let it die here because I don't have the money to do it So I'm not a core she went like they went like this. Okay, we'll do it for a hundred Yes, and like they have a play hardball, but it turns out all along that the dog's just been playing cancer Okay

That's clever come on you're trying at least. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, it was clever, but we don't like clever I That's what I'm saying. It was clever, but we don't like clever. I don't know. I'm going to do this one time and let it do the other dog. Same age. But the other dog is going to be wrecked if that dog's gone. She's not going to be psyched when he's dead. He thinks so. They're not friends. They don't like each other.

They don't hang with each other. One has this weird personality. The other one fucking, Deva runs around, and Deva's like a cat, she runs, she still runs, she fucking runs around the yard. You know, I'll see what happens, but that thing on his chest makes me throw up every day too.

And then he's, ugh, just like a big boil. Wow, it's even. Deva's same age, 16. 16, so I think I'm gonna get one shot, let it go, and then I'm done, and if it grows another tumor, I'm done, and I'll just let him live his life out. And if he gets too sick to where he can't fucking hang, I'll take him in my self.

He's not suffering. And I'll just snap his neck and put him in the button. No, I'm kidding, Liz, I would never do that. Liz, I'm kidding, I would never snap his neck. I'll just, no. No. I'm just gonna would never snap his neck. I'll just Carry him alive Pull the fucking casino come to my come to my barbecue next to you Pettitimitarian backyard fucking tell me barking out of the dirt

Hi, we're gonna take a break real quick. I'm gonna let no him leave cuz he has that fucking Fucking assburgers glances looking at me right through me right now ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso? ¿Qué es eso?

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Knife Song dice que... Nome's Korean girlfriend was at the animal hospital to buy meat. Was that a Mike Huckabee joke? That was good. I love Mike. No, you Mike, not Mike Huckabee. Check it out, we'll be right back. We're going to do a little quick pee break.

We're going to let Nome get back to his job. I get the hint, I'm leaving, don't worry. I want you to stay, but you get fucking zoned out. You're looking at me like, let me out of here. No, I was just thinking about the dog thing. I was like, I was waiting for the pros and cons. Will you stay for the rest of the show? We'll bring it up.

I love to stay. We'll be right back after these commercial messages. Bye-bye. One thing that helps people relax, gone or no gone is, if you have a good mattress. Yes. You know what I mean? That's all of the pressure. Yeah, that's all.

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We are back. First of all, check out Riotcast.com for the most amazing podcast on the planet earth. We have, I don't know, around 20 podcasts now. They're all awesome. And you know what? They're free at riotcast.com. Follow them, review them. Make sure you go to Netflix. This week, my awesome special live at the village underground is on Netflix now. And it's kickin' ass. Go. If you bought it, go there and just leave a five-star review if you own it already. And if you didn't see it, go and check it out and make sure you review it. Because the algorithms is how it stays up on the top. And right now it's number one or two and it's been up there with some of the greatest comedians, Burr and Louis and

Fluffy. And you know, I'm to you know see that sit next to their awesome special. So let's keep it up there go and check it out on Netflix. All right we're back in. I want to go really quick through this so people who listen to the first half jump in. What's your website? Just follow me on Twitter at Zach is not funny. What you got? Mike Lawrence Comedy.com just redesigned by uh... errand been in its fantastic what you got uh... comedy seller dot com the best comedy club in the planet galaxy in the city air in berg dot com what do you got uh...

paul verzy dot com and uh... you could check out the new album all right this fucking kid night at night at the stand number four on billboard and was number one on iTunes for a while It's doing great podcasts listen to listen to verzy effect podcast. So thank you check it out You can I do plugs to night at the slug. It was yeah, yeah, you can do plug my new TV show 24 hour rental comes out on Hulu October 30th and October 19th. Is it scripted? Yeah, scripted. Thanks for the fucking part.

I didn't, I was just acting in it. And my book, American etiquette, failing upwardly in a Fox News Nations on Aaronburg.com right now. Yeah, what do you got? The stand. You want to plug the stand? No, he mentioned this. Isn't there, wasn't there, then we make a deal when I built the table and gave you the apartment and everything. I had every no mention of the stand. Can you believe that out?

What was the name of your CD again, Versa? Night at the stand. Yeah. So it's at, it was standing when he did it. Ah. Fuck the car. All right. Just at Lauren Kubair on Twitter.

At or to Deepo. At first go. What do we got right now? First go. Can we, let's, Lauren, pop over to the couch real quick. You'll leave and okay great. All right, no, take these things. Thanks for stopping.

The owner of everything, everybody give it up for owner of everything. Thank you for everything, no. And we're doing the live YKWD, which at a key, believe it or not, at the new, this little spot, the lounge at the village on the ground, which is upstairs. We're going to be doing that the 26th of this month. It's me, it's Dan Soda, it's Joe List, it's Scopo Deepu, Lauren, and two very, very special surprise. Guess, should we be taking reservations for that on the website and do we have any artwork for it? Yeah, we're getting the artworks being done now by Jason.

Uh, Chaddefield, right? Chaddefield? What'd you say? Chaddefield? No. Oh, the artwork, yeah, Jason Chatterfield. Chatterfield, you said Chatterfield. No, I see.

Yeah, Jason's doing the hour friend of the show, comedian, hilarious, but amazing artist. You have a shitty face on you, not like Jason. I don't know. I love him. You'd love him. He's great. The artworks coming up, I'll get that to you soon. But you can put something up there if you want.

You should use the logo. And we'll go that up. But that show is gonna sell out, small room, live podcast, two huge special guests. And it's gonna be live video too. Deepo's gonna be hooking it up, so you'll be able to watch it live and there you go. So thanks for coming in, no.

All right, so. No, no, I woke up early and came down just to be here with you got your kid. Buddy, you know, I love you, right? You know that right scobal give him a hug for me the best there there's I love you to death I was at the door who will bring him in who is it? Oh, Jay. Bring it in you fucking whisperin for you. Bring him in you fucking ape

That's something like a billionaire would do make someone else hug for you Hey look who the fuck I'm over here. That's new baby. It's all new you can't get to me That's where I want it like Howard Stern I want to be away from everybody Fistuke is sit down on the mic with your annoying accent that has gotten worse for stucas got too much fucking perfume on by the way She smells like flowers right? Yeah, yeah, I know. I had a cigarette. Oh, there's a woman in here now woman in here now. She is now Lauren a lady. Not a lady.

Kelly gives head. Yeah. Jesus. It's all Kelly does. What comic has he been talking to? Oh, the comic has actually done that for Sticks. You know? Hi, Matt.

She's lived your life. It's so good to see you. What's up, Fistou? I don't know. Nothing. This looks amazing. I can't believe it. I was really nervous coming in. Why were you nervous?

I don't know, I couldn't have seen anyone for what I didn't know how to do this. To some weight and the blacks you have flew so long. I couldn't believe it. Shut up. Look how we upgraded it to the other one. Oh my God. You're back down with me.

She's in the same size for a long time. I'm pushing. Funny that you left off-striing, and we all look like we live on Fury Road. Yeah, she's like a hot. That was a good trading, man. Give me a month. Give me a month.

Oh, that'd be great if Lauren got a fast one. Oh, I'm dying. I'm dying. For Snookah, welcome back to the show, mama. Thank you. Thank you for letting me come in. I was coming out of here. It's weird to be in here, right? It is. It looks amazing.'m so thank you for letting me come in. I was coming out of here.

It's weird to be in here, right? It is. It looks amazing. It looks amazing. Yeah, I love it. I've got some gifts for the room as well. Really? Yeah.

Oh, what do you got? Break them out. Come on. You get three more cakes. We got mates and chases. You know I was coming. There's cake here. I got coral chocolates.

And my father did Shakutee. These are called Negro nuts. Kekio. I got coral chocolates. And my father did Shakutri. These are called Negro Nats. We don't have Negroes in Australia. What's amazing is that they're called fuzzy tops. I love that. Zach looks like you're a before photo. Holy shit.

I didn't like that bad enough. I mean, I'm worse than I want. I'm in my mind. I'm just like my mind. Cut the throat and walk away, don't you? It's like with zombies. Listen. It's like when Lucy met Harpo Marx, we have to do the mirror thing. Wow.

Give it to him. No, don't let him touch it. That's what you get for remembering comedy history. I'm Dan and she is. What do you got, Baba? I just want to put my phone on silent, make sure that I don't interrupt the podcast. But I bought the studio something and I bought you something as well. Oh great, it's my birthday.

Yeah, oh, you're birthday the other day. It was last week. But I sent you something earlier. Did you just bring us here to watch you get things? Yeah. I bought the studio in Australian calendar. Let me see that. Yeah.

Oh thanks. I forgot to get you something. So I got this at the ampoles. Yeah, what? You got us thrown in the garbage counter-fuck wise. Oh, that's fucking hilarious man. I'm baggy son of a bitch. Yeah, it's fucking.

Halfway in the fucking cab, but you realize. How the hell? How the hell? There's a refrigerator magnet nothing to I mean that is fucking just awful It's literally pictures of Australia not even not even naked girls of Australia He's What is he photoshopped herself with every calendar picture? He's made the Oprah!

He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah!

He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! He's made the Oprah! There's a chimney sweep. I can't do it. Or just fucking. Yeah, but can I just ask someone who fucking uses a calendar?

I know. Where the fuck, I gotta get a fucking piece of tape to hang that up, a pen. In the case, one of your apps is broken. Here you go. It's for ambiance, you know? I'm being honest. I want you to get me.

And it's empty, so Scobo can relate to it. That one just hurt my head. That one just cut my head. I heard Mike's voice as I was coming in. I'm like, I'm fucking in for it. Oh shit. So mean, but good. What's up, Bob?

So I bought you some cigars, but because Australia has very strict tobacco laws, all the cigars are individually wrapped in like a dynamite cocoon that have cancel warnings on them. Wow. Really? Are they fucking Cuban? No, I don't think they're Cuban. They're like Australian ones, but in rain.

That's going to be a real Australian. It's a huge for the cigarettes. I hope you're bringing back cigars and they said that these ones were really good ones, but they're terrifying to look at. You buy these off a fucking, all those. No, I'm from a proper tobacco store. Fucking bush people on the side of the road. They're soft. They can be cigars.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what... I really think Kelly rolled these in her backyard. I'm gonna feel this for a quick second. Yeah, you don't look at me like that. I was like, can't see scary on that one.

Oh man. She's like, you call that a cigar? No, that's a cigar Just so you know, I almost got raped by like five black guys getting those cigars Literally everyone in the store hovered over me. What are you sure for? J. R. Sagar in Jersey. I walked in and they were like I like that I like that black guy. Tell it to you, he-be when they want to rape you.

I like that he had this black. He didn't do this black. They were big. We would have assumed. Have you been? I've been looking at me. I want to fucking show better than ever since you left. Fucking on the television show that got picked up.

My career is booming. Oh my god. since you have black cloud left this country. No, keep doing great, great job. I see you again. Unbelievable, you too, but I'm like, if I could never have done that. So I was holding you back, Bob. I couldn't do that. You knew that the Indian would be better at technical stuff.

Weird, right? Yeah. I didn't even figure that out. I didn't think of that. Whether it was either the hot chick or the fucking smart intelligent Indian hacker, oh my God, I'm gonna pick. Would have been the hot chick, that's the problem. Yeah, she would have got it too.

She was very close. Yeah, she was very close. Yeah, but she wouldn't be that dish. But now I got the both, I got Lauren and Deepo. Yeah. And I can get rid of Skopo. Finally. Yeah, but you need the brawn. You need someone to throw. And I get rid of Skopo. Finally. Yeah, but you need the bronze.

You know, you need someone to throw around some muscle, kind of, you know, I got the muscles. I got the muscles. Are you off of Jersey? You're always on. Yeah, okay, good. But look, we know how I've been.

We know how I've been. Yeah, you've been great. I have a podcast. How the fuck have you been? I've been good. I don't know. I went home for some festival stuff. Got some huge customs issues now, so I will say what happens.

What do you mean huge? You're going to get stuck here? No, no. It's, uh, I, I was at customs for like 30 minutes. They didn't want to let me back in. 30 minutes? Yeah. That's not that long.

Yeah. That's how it's usually good for... No, no, no, not the line. I want to want to. Then used to be the time in which you get a pizza. It's fine. Yeah, what the you all? That's how it's usually good for you. No, no, not the line. I want one on one. Then it used to be the time in which you get a pizza. It's fine. Yeah, what the fuck is that? I was at customs for like four hours once.

Did you see the movie The Terminal? Like he's just stuck in the fucking airport. I thought that was going to be me. No, just because I've got some issues now. So it's all, I've got to get a lawyer and just figure some stuff out about living your permanent Lincoln. Are you going to come back? I'm here for the month, but I'm already investigating to just try and stay till December, but we'll

see because I've got road stuff for January and February, March, I read booked here. But in Australia? In Australia, you're going home. Yeah, I want to stay here till the end of the year. Go back for road and then come back. How is it going over there? It's good. When you're doing festival stuff, it's awesome because you are working on a lot of material long form and you're traveling around and you're getting better and sharper and it's really, it's really great.

But when it dies down, it's dead. There's no work, there's no room. So what do you do? Fucking nothing. Are you living with your parents? I live with my sister. You live with your sister? A sister, my brother and the one, a dog. Really? Yeah. Is the dog gonna have cancer? No. German Shepherd, sky. So, you want to come back here? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to come back here. There was a part of me that had to reestablish myself in Australia. And then, you know, four months into that, you're like, fuck this. Did you go back there and have any more clout with me? A little bit, yeah. A little bit, but not enough for me.

You walk. Okay. That's a go from that poor B. Kelly show. Maybe she'll get me on. Oh, pull up in a big sea to the top. Do your jokes about your Virginia. Yeah, anyway. Why are we laughing at his fucking East London accent? No, it's the fucking worst. He did Japanese for Chinese

No, what's such a dishonour with a penis? I used to be a strip-out take him a closer I used to be a stripper, I'd take him a closer. I'm like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, Dan. You're a dog, you're so many people. You've got to put him to a seat. There are so many people. It's like fucking a jury deliberation, you're fucking.

I love you, I love you, but it's just fucking like, I feel like there's 15 of us just screaming accents. It's fucking microphone. I'm not screaming, it's my robot voice. Hey, there's enough quality podcast. We need some quantity ones. Jimmy, Jimmy, my fucking sl- Hey, you can have quantity. You can have one-on-one interesting interviews or a bunch of guys yelling over each other.

You have like three assistants now, two-four-safe. Two of them take care of the boards. One just fans me and feeds me grapes when I'm tired. I know. Um, anyways, what we talked before, you're, all right, so welcome back. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. Now you were talking about something very interesting before we left for break. Do you remember? Yeah. Well, Mike was saying that, um, you know, I guess there was a first let's just talk. Yeah. Yeah. There was an unfortunate situation. Someone, someone got, this is crazy. I was talking to Joe List on Monday. We were talking about gun control and all that.

And he was saying like, it's amazing that there hasn't been a shooting at a comedy club yet. And then last night, someone got shot outside of the comedy store as the roast battle was a fan of the show like a It was an audience member. They still don't know who They don't know why did he go out was he mad did you kicked out? I don't think there's just a random fuck you I want to kill somebody there's been no Information so all I mean now it's been reported, but I saw on Facebook because I have like a good amount of LA friends

Like is everyone okay and stuff like that and it was one person got shot the person left and it's still it's a random person Like another comic got shot. It was an it was an audience and you know it's never passed away. Yeah, oh, that's terrible And they haven't caught the guy have they that's fucking bruise them now now. It's funny We were talking about that too like it's a matter of time till some shit like that happens and it's just really fucking scary. What was crazy is that like so I'm watching the battle on Periscope because they put them up there. This is the one out and that that environment is amazing. It's in the belly room. It's jam packed. The comedy store is really fucking. There was no more around. The comedy store really is. It's all fucking chicken ass.

I was there, I did a battle last week, it was awesome. And it's like, it's this tight, like, close knit community. And you're watching the battle and two employees come up because literally just happened. And everyone has to stay in the building because they're doing an investigation. And because there's still a battle going on, people are still making jokes and shit. And they're like, no, someone just fucking died. And it's just like this heartbreaking moment.

Nobody come up with a joke, though. Oh, people were. People still were. And the employees were getting like flabbergasted, because they're like, no, there's a dead person. And they were still, well, someone killed tonight. You know, it's like that. It's fucking, it is crazy. person and there is still well someone killed tonight you know like that it's

fucking it is crazy but what what what well that might not necessarily be because of the roast battle no no it's just yeah it's just yeah I mean yeah I'm just unfortunate my my thing with the roast battle is that like a lot of people were asking me I wasn't making a correlation but no no no I know I'm not no but people are asking me like you know you want to do it or how come you didn't do it? And then somebody was like when I was at the South by thing, they were like, do you want to do it? And I was like, you know, no.

And then, you know, after a while, people were asking me and I just look at it like, listen, I get it like goofing up, but like I grew up goofing up friends and fucking doing that. I don't want it for me. First of all, I'm not a fucking rapper, you know what I mean? I don't need, I'm trying to do comedy. I don't need, I feel like First of all, I'm not a fucking rapper. You know what I mean? I'm trying to do comedy. I feel like this whole rap battle thing is kind of,

I think some of it's really good in clever. And I'm sure that's the thing that, you know, you like, I think some of it can be great jokes in clever. But some of the ones that I've seen, just guys talking about, you know, your fucking ex-wife left you to suck this guy's cock. That's me. You're not gonna buy me.

Is it real? You get to beat Lee. Yeah, that was me. Hang on, hang on. That's not gonna be about me. Is he real? Yeah, you get to beat Lee. That was me. Hang on, hang on. No, and then I saw one. Is it him? No, no, no, no. I saw a ton of them.

I don't know who it was. I'm just saying, I've seen. He's telling you it was him. Oh, okay. I did, yeah, I roasted Pete Lee and I went in on his ex-wife. Oh, Pete Lee, yeah. So what can I, but that's interesting that you say? No, so what I'm saying is this.

I think that that, I think that there's definitely a place for that And if some people want to do it, but for me, I just feel like if I'm I don't want to write three pages on somebody Can I say something? Can I stop you really quick? Yeah, because what you said I mean, I know you're you probably like I fuck you like Aaron You know I'm not I'm not to do with dissing I'm not saying you're dissing Aaron, but you're saying, I want to stop you for a sec, what you said about guys saying shit like that to other guys in front of an audience. Yeah, I agree with you.

I agree with you. Roast to me were friends getting together to fucking have fun and to honor somebody and fuck with each other like me, Vos Norton. Now the only the only good I see in it is it's forcing you to write jokes. Right. Now if you can write really good jokes which some guys do and I'm like wow that's great that they that week they had to go but a lot of guys are fucking slack and just going up and fucking saying fucked up shit Or you know it's something stupid and it's not funny and it's like Jesus Christ I'm sitting here. I just watched the roast battle and like one dude fucking did work the reason why I don't want to

Fucking do a roast battle. I don't have time. Yeah fucking right really good jokes I have a bunch of shit to do But if I was ever gonna do one I would have to fucking really sit down Exactly and kill it. It's worth it That's what I'm saying and Aaron did and I think Aaron did his Aaron did what he like I did what you said to do that's not what you said Aaron Aaron Aaron I just I just want to finish my point and I was go Aaron did what he went in and he did what he had to do for me though. It's like what you said

You know driving into the city from where I'm driving in and trying to create new material to sit and just write so much to fucking belittle one of my peers is not really what I want to do. And I'm going to tell you something, dude, and I know he's the roast master, but like Jeff Ross, and I'll say I would say this to him. I know he's good at it, but you know, that shit he said about Pete Davidson. What is it? Snoop dogs got more smoke in his lungs than Pete Davidson's dad on 9-11. That is a 10th grade immature shitty bad joke. It's a bad fucking roast joke.

He said that value. Yeah, it's a shock value bullshit joke no matter how you fuck the price. Other people are right, yeah. Yeah, he said it on the peeper rose. And it was like, and you could tell it by their pee. You could tell it by their peep, but Pete did the fucking mature thing.

He looked, he put his thumbs up and said, good job. I'm just saying like, for me, I don't want to fucking be little one of my peers because I know I hard this businesses And I don't want to just go yeah, well I heard that about you and you fucking and then have the crowd go oh Shit it's just not my thing, but I'm not gonna I'm not gonna disc you guys do it all right listen I ended up for me. Well you can say my go ahead. Okay, so I I Battle the few times I Battle bond is saying that is funny. I've also done roast

I I help Patrick I give him notes every week. I'm gonna be a permanent judge now that I'm back I was in LA for a while I Think I'm gonna yeah My thing is we were all fucking worried. Where is my not dead? But when I, my thing is, and when we, when I talked to Patrick about, like, you know, putting it together,

it's always, you wanna make sure the person wants to do it. Because there's every theme show, there's set list, there's all these different, you know, types of, you know, stand up on the spot yeah big J. Oger since crowdwork show some people want to do those or have those skills some don't and that's fine I think it's better that you're like you know this isn't something I want to do it's cool I I have rules for myself when I do it I think that you should only go up against

people that you do respect right you know I know, I've gone, I went, Bonnie McFarlane, Annie Letterman, Dan St. Germain, and last week, I lost my first time against Guy Brantle. And I think guys, fucking amazing. We had fun. You know, you should always talk to the person before. Is there anything you don't want me to say?

Yeah. There should be that. That's a very different thing. No, fuck this. I don't even. you're a bad person. I talked to Pete Lee before I did this. Pete Lee is legally not allowed to talk about his ex-wife because that was one of the things of the divorce

and he was always like, I wish I could go on stage. So I said, can I make jokes about your ex-wife? And he was fucking good with it. Buddy, don't look at me, look at him. He's got a problem. No, I said he did his job. You know, I did his job. You said, he was a part of what well written jokes to here were well

here's a part of what happened. So LA they've been doing this for two years. It's a well-oiled machine. They have all these different facets of it that make it work. There's theatricality to it and everything. You know, it was just brought here recently. Right. You know, there's two different clubs doing it. So there's already an oversaturation before it ever really started. Yeah. And a lot of people that are doing it

have never seen one, have never, you know. The one I just did in Holborn Comedy Fest, it was, look, I was hosting, judging it with Harrison, right? Yeah. And it was fine. The guys are going at it. You know, there's new guys and then the newer guys older guys and that older than them

So it kind of gradually got better. You can see that guys did work Oh guys know how to write a funny rose joke and the guys who didn't but then the last guys mad dog and the other guy who Apparently they're both funny Anthony to be okay funny guys, but they were like, fuck it. They were lived together. They're like, we came out, we're not, they were drunk or whatever. They were not roasting each other. We're roasting you.

And they started roasting the audience and it didn't vibe. Because everybody was having fun. They want to see a fight. Seeing this roast joke and they went to that black dude. And the black dude was like, fuck you bitch. The same funny, what bit? And they were like fuck you and they and they tried to go back in him and he stood up and he was a big boy and he was all in red. Yeah, that you posted where you.

He was all red. Yeah, I didn't even hear about that. And then he started fucking fuck you bitches and they were trying to yell back but he out fucking mad, you know, angered them. And they backed off where they were just like, kind of looking at the front row. And then what's his name, the host of it, who was one of the founders of it.

Well, well, he was like, look, you're embarrassing, my culture man, shut the fuck, and he wound up leaving, but as he's going out, he's screaming shit. Yeah, I saw that. And then they said, you know, I'm here to see Robert Kelly, which was a good plug for me. Yeah, that was it.

That I hit all the way hit all bigger than this roast. I hit everybody. You know, I always tell people who like battle for the first time is, you know, make it funny first and put the mean in it. What's happening that makes it bad is people put the mean first and then try to put the funny in it. And it doesn't work. Well, it's like Twitter. It's like they see us fucking busting balls and they'll bust your balls But they don't let you know they don't understand that tone doesn't go over fucking and if you don't know me

I don't really want you saying mean shit. You gotta have ethics. Yeah, like when I battled Bonnie It was like I'm not gonna bring up her fucking kid because it's a kid. Yes But see some people would and I agree I agree No, but you talked to people. You were a Peter friend. Do it with an accent. And it's like you said, doing it with a friend, a buddy that's like lighthearted, fun.

That's why I actually liked the one roast that I did like Comedy Central do was a James Franklin one, because all his friends. And they were just kind of goofing and it was fun. It felt like the 70s, bro. It felt like it did. It felt like the Dean Morris one. Yeah, but it felt like the roast we used to do

before Comedy Central ever fucking did it over at the Boston When it was all of us we fight well friends. We're on a safe environment You could bomb and you could do well, you know, you could you know, it was a fun it was fun It was just fun. We we put it up ourselves and had fun with it I think you went to the one in LA or if you you know You've seen some of the better ones here Like yours and Pete's was one of the best ones I've ever seen. Thank you. It was fucking amazing You'll see like the Marin and it but it's also okay to be like that's not something I'd want to do because the problem is too many people are

Doing it when they shouldn't be yeah, you know I see people go up on this thing multiple times without anything written and it's like you can't you're I don't get that and I don't get people who read like they didn't even try to memorize I read mine, but it was like I mean you're doing 20 jokes It's a they are a lot of fucking work like I was Understand too when you're doing it exhaust placement is everything. Yeah, so you're having to make sure that you don't burn all your stuff too early You know, it's all these different things I could memorize. I mean you could but it's three rounds Technically 17 Joe was funny to me too is that I think it's a good workout

Like if when I do red eye or when I did the whatever got it from you I would do it because it was a good Exercise writing you get the stuff that day and you have three hours to write funny shit about these or God felt you, I would do it because it was a good exercise and writing. You get the stuff that day and you have three hours to write funny shit about these four blocks. And I thought that was a good exit and I think it's a good exercise to do this too, especially for young comics or whatever,

to go and have to write jokes. But, you know, if you, I don't even have fucking, you know, if I'm not getting money, well the fuck am I, you know, well the fuck, I'd rather just go write for my act. Well that's what I'm saying, like I can't even fucking, you know, if I'm not getting money, well the fuck am I, you know, well the fuck, I'd rather just go right for my act. Well that's what I'm saying, like I just put out a album a year and a half, I want to put out a hour, and I have like 20 minutes, 20 minutes,

I don't want to fucking write 20 jokes. Is your album on iTunes? Yeah. Number four on Billboard. Yeah, it's like, it's like, it's like, I just 20 jokes for me to sit down and be like, all right, I'm gonna fucking target this guy and do it. That's just something that, when I was a South by,

I was a South by and comedians were like, they were like, you wanna do it? This festival wants to get you on another show. And I'm like, nah, I just don't wanna do it. And then that night I ran into some comics doing it. There was like Jay Larson was there and Mark Norman and a bunch of people. And they were like, oh, like man,

I was in my fucking hotel room stressing all day. Hours to get this done. I don't even wanna be here. And then they were saying like, all the jokes were kind of flat and they was kind of forced. And it was just like, yeah, I don't, that's kind of when I was like, yeah, man, that's what I'm just gonna be like.

I'm like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, that sounds great here. But it's like, I have so much fun with it. Whenever I do it,

I come out to wrestling themes. I came out to the other takeer last week and they carried me onto the stage. Dude, it sounds like you're doing it the right way and you have the etiquette and you're doing it that way. I've got an work from it, so I'm very fucking good. Yeah, it is, I think, Ver as you said, it is, I mean, actually Mike said, it's for some people, some people is not.

But that's every show. I mean, like I said, like, Settlist is one of those. Yeah, Settlist is another one where it's like, I'm up there, I agreed to do it. I think it's a great show. I've watched it and laughed my ass off, but then I went and did it and then put in words that don't even make sense to me. And it's like, dude, what? I go, I have a hard time writing jokes for my own ad.

Oh, they're trying to stump you. Yeah. Why? Yeah, why? Why fuck? Why fuck up myself a steam? Yeah. And then you watch some people do it and it's the most brilliant thing ever seen.

Yeah, but also I look like a watch fucking Wayne Brady and whose line is in anyway. Like okay, I get it this up, but I don't want to fucking do it. It's also the stress note as well because my best friend is at least in that thing. Kelly, please don't talk. Yeah, I'm back. I was waiting for it. And the whole day she was stressing out about it and couldn't prepare because she's such a rata,

but there's nothing that she could do to actually come on top after what she just had to go in and just fucking hope that she was funny when she did it. And she was, she did a great job. But the stress was like, it's terrifying. And the truth is, and a lot of comedies on a myth is but we're all fucking vulnerable, insecure, fucking people. We're very insecure, we're very vulnerable. But no, we are vulnerable insecure fucking people. We're very insecure.

We're very vulnerable. But no, we are. That's it. We're afraid of we want to be we want to be no, it's true. We want to be loved. We're fucking vulnerable. We're always questioning what people think about us and for me to sit down and do that knowing that somebody's feeling it's just not something that I want to be a part of doing and I want I'm also very competitive and want to win. So I'm going to say something mean. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do it. Yeah and I'm the guy I you know look I'm self-emitted. I'm the guy who goes too far. I'm the guy you know Patrice is like Bobby you're fat and I was like I heard your mother sick. So you said you're fucking nuclear weapon to a fly.

One of my jokes last week was about how the person was gonna like die horribly alone and that no one will ever love that. You know what I'm talking about? Who are you talking to, Zach? Guy, that was Guy Banner. He challenged me. He was brand of me.

Yeah, yeah. Eventually we are gonna, really. Yeah. Oh my god. You guys blow each other after? Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. Are you guys out a roast battle?

Eventually, we were supposed to do it, but I got canceled, so. I agree with Mike. I think it's oversaturated in this market now, like because it's a weakly fake. It was from nothing. It was a two-placely. Yeah, I think a monthly would be a lot better.

Yeah, monthly would be great. And it doesn't work if you don't know the person. You have to know him well. You know what I really do, like though, is like, like you said, the theatrics that go with it, the ones at the wall. The wave. The wave. The people's wave. That was real really I mean I that was what I enjoyed the most

when I did it over at the stand I fucking I was I didn't know that they were gonna be they got up and they do this funny little skits at 30 seconds the funnest one I ever saw was a guy had a turban and he spun around and he portrayed well he ran into one that's and he ran into one guy the one guy toppled over onto the other guy. I saw we did one at the stand and where was it again where did I do it. I understand. And you're out there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can you say the name when you don't work yet? That's a great club. Right. But uh Josh Carter kid did it. Oh god. He was getting beat up so bad. He

got to lift the room. Yeah. He walked out of the room. Wait a minute. Boss and I thought he was going to hang himself. hang himself. Hang on a second. Who was this? Josh Carter's his name. Josh Carter, and he got that. Imagine if the Joker was black. He was really. Who did he go against? Which Joker?

Cory Rapon was his name. Just like 19-fifth. He was getting knocked around so bad. And he's like trying to read his jokes. He could barely get him out. They were horrible. And then we were like, And then the judges fucking cream him too.

Oh, he went into him. He's got big teeth. I was like, and then the judges fucking cream and two went into them. He's got big teeth. I was like, somebody go, Jesus. Put a sugar cube in your palm and get them to nozzle up to it and bring them back downstairs. Well, that's the thing too,

is I remember we were doing it. That's funny. Ari was, you know what's funny? I watched that battle with the other founder of the show and he was like, we've been doing this two years. I've never seen someone walk out of the stage. So sad about that. But like when we were doing it, like the show and he was like, we've been doing this two years, I've never seen someone walk all the way so sad.

But like when we were doing it, Ari was really getting into like, you stink on that and I'm like dude, isn't this supposed to be fun? Like that's some, I mean, like some crazy, I thought it, you know, it was getting a little like, relax. Yeah, but people didn't also throw it back at the judges if you don't want and no one's doing that. And it's like, because it's hard to throw back when you're a fucking brand new comic and you see some guy that might go.

That's how you fucking make it though, man. You take the risk and you know sometimes you bomb, but you fucking. That's how you make it because you look like that. What do you have to say? All you have is stand up. There's so many people who... And it might be a romantic lead and like a scream 7. But I'm fucking sick of like people who are like considered good comics because they never fucking take

the risk and actually bomb and put it out there. I look, I think, I look, I think there is, taking the risk is definitely, that's, I mean, that's why I hosted it. I was like, fuck it, let's do it. I did it twice because I didn't want to fucking. I did not want to be involved I wanted yeah, I just want to go home and I knew I was put myself out there to get fucking

Wacked yeah, but um and it's you know, you're sitting there going can I be funny on the spot with other comedians because they're really funny Fucks, you know, but you know to me like when I get it when I look at like that that tough crowd clip Mm-hmm of that fan getting shed on by like Patrice and Voss, I was actually there too, but I glad I stood out like I stand on my own show. Yeah, it's like a two minute clip. You're barely in it, I guess, but The moment where you can see where it's like over for him is when he just takes it And it's so sad because like even if he fought back and it failed at least he's trying to fucking fight back and he didn't You know what I mean? No, I do know it's me. I do I do and what you say I'm sorry to move the camera

It's how they're when you're young comic like you said to like if Bob Kelly what did I tell you? You've got to bring everybody to Calendos. Where is she from now? Bring a calendar. Where you look at the great new comics. And it's like someone like Che, who did rise so fast. And it's like, I'm fucking one of you.

He doesn't care. And that's how you get there. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's true, I guess. But I don't think that that's how you get there. I think Michael Che is a very talented guy. Absolutely. He's what the industry was fucking dying for.

And he stepped in. He's an interesting, sweet guy. One of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. And he's fucking hilarious. So it's not that he was, I'm one of you, fuck you. I mean, it is, I think that is a part of it, but speaking of that. Yeah, doing these, I'm sorry.

But doing these roasts, you know. Baba, I'm sorry, go ahead. I don't want it. Look at Jackie. I don't have roasts in Australia, I have Barbies. Yeah. It's just because I'm definitely. The picture of February is a plantain tree

What is that plantain tree? You're a f**king hangover, it was sort of like a day I live in Australia, chim-chim-chim-chim-chim-chim-chim-chim-chim-chim-chim Oh, go ahead, come So, um, like someone like the the chai thing Remember the guy that you had in here a few weeks ago, the Australian the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the He had that kind of same thing where I started in 2009 and just fucking boom all the sudden unknown here got picked up And he's the sweetest nice the sweetest guy that happens though that happens and I'm just yeah The you know opportunity just meets these right there look we need this guy you did this I met you bum bum bum

Mm-hmm some guys have to you know spend 20 years clawing their way from the fucking ditches I also think I also think if I was a younger if was a younger comic, like when I first got to the city, I would probably do the Rose Battle to make a name for myself and get into rooms. I think that's something you know. I would do it, but I would never do it against someone I didn't know because I don't know how to write jokes about like... Anything. Just stop right there.

Hold it in to that line. Jesus, you got to turn an instant into a fucking rose. What the fuck, kind of people are like, what What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? I'll work on it outside. Nice song. He did 23 horrible accents in one night. And broke the word record.

Documentary about it. It was actually 25 sets, Mike. 25, not 23, Reed, the whole art. You made him a psych-mark. Sorry, I was a brick book. I was converting it to American sets. Okay, what else? Someone else says, I like to see a roast battle

between Zach and Mike Vecchio. Why? I like to see a penis battle between those two. See, I love to see Zach hold them down. Well Zach has a sword. Wow, give me a weird sit. Where is it? Yeah, let me pass it.

Come on. Here's the sword, Hoen. Oh my god. Vecchio owns a roast battle beast. Yeah, he... Yeah, I'm talking about a guy that's prepared. That guy's fucking... well, that's the thing is that, you know, got, you know, huh, I don't, I have a hard time writing my jokes. It's a process. Like I'll think of some of funny premise, then I'll just bring it on stage and I'll work it and talk about it and try to

get as relaxed as I can with the anger or happiness or joy, whatever the thought that was, and then keep going with it. And it gets small, and then it gets very big, and then I tighten it up. And by the time it's a solid chunk of my act, it's fucking great. And then I add words and little blah, blah, blah.

But to go and write jokes that you'll never fucking use again You will it's not making you a fucking dime. It's not doing it. It can though like I said They can't wait how it's so much I'm tired to write on something hang on how I mean yeah, I got it I got I got work from it like I said yeah, you but you're that guy. I'm I'm I'm I'm but there's other people I mean the comedy store but you're that guy. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, do it, I would have to go through that anguish of fuck. You know, I remember, look, when I used to do the fucking dumb roast over there, I used to panic.

I remember panicking for fucking a week. Oh, it's terrifying, because you know the thing about roasts too is because it's almost like science where there's enough like hateful energy, even if everyone loves each other, that at least one person has to bomb. It is like, fact, I've never seen a roast where everyone kills because it is like physically not possible.

But here's the thing, too, that hurts about roasts, is that someone's gonna say something that you didn't know they knew. Like your teeth, or your fucking smell, or your fucking hair, or your wife. They're gonna bring out, they're gonna say something that you knew, but you didn't know we knew. And then they're gonna say it, and everybody's gonna laugh,

and you're gonna realize the whole audience knows, and you're gonna like, eh, that was my secret. And now that it's on YouTube, the whole world knows. Yeah, it's a fucking, it can be a, really, even if you don't wanna get hurt, it can still not hurt, but fuck you up. Well, the battle is different in that. You're sowing your head, trying to make sure that you've got your next joke, that you're not even,

like people will always ask me when I do it. Like, so what do they say about you? And I was like, I don't remember because I was so fucking worried about what I had next. Yeah, yeah. I look man, I don't think I'm into him because I just don't have the fucking time, but I did enjoy it when I was over at the scene. I like judging him. I like judging him.

Yeah, you saw the Racine Chaplin one and that one was great. Yeah, they're good friends. Yeah, that was awesome about it. That big joke that Racine had was one of the best roast jokes ever heard He's awesome at dice tracks. Yeah, I mean the wall was great those fucking I mean when when you may make it an event like that It's great speaking of events the 26th of this month. We're doing this show live It's too very special guests and then this show be already out. I don't know what the fuck's happened This comes out Sunday, not this Sunday.

It's Sunday. We have another, are we a week ahead? No, we're not. We're not anymore. Is it fucking? No, I have a show that I'm putting up this week. All you've done the one from the festival? Yeah, I'm actually putting up the show from the festival

with Brian Possein, Al Magical, Rob Meyue, and Arthur Simeon. Al Magical, Rob Meyue and Arthur Simian, I did YKWD live up in Toronto, JFL-42. It was fucking awesome. What a show. At the comedy bar. So that'll be going up next week. This will become what after. So there you go.

26th, Village Underground, not downstairs. The lounge. It's gonna be fucking cozy as shit. We're gonna have a great time upstairs. Go to ComedySelda.com for your tickets. If it's not up now, it will be, but it's gonna sell the fuck out. So if you wanna go, we have two.

We have Dan Soda, we have Joe List, regular. We have Deepa, we got Lauren, we got Scopo, and then we have two very special guests So there you go, and I'm not announcing it, but there might be a wrestling theme And then we're gonna have a comic coach We have a comic coach So you guys want to come down any comics and you guys want to come down? There's gonna be a coach you sit down with a mic. It's just gonna be a hang. It's gonna be a's going to be a cudge and you sit down with a mic, it's just going to be a hang, it's going to be a fun night and it is going to be live. And Deepo is going to hook it up, we just brought a brand new camera, right?

Yeah, we got a fancy ass camera, it's going to be a crazy looking show. And I'm going to, I think we're going to start doing live shows a lot, man. So we're going to start putting this motherfucker, we're going to take it to the next level. I know this is live, we're gonna take it to the next level. I know this is live, we're gonna start doing live shows. I got a couple cool things in the works, and maybe just not mine, so there you go. We'll see what happens, but listen, man, we're gonna wrap this up, I gotta take a shh, shit.

This is what happens. Every morning I wake up, I have something to eat, something to drink, I gotta poop. Yeah, even my kid goes poop, something to drink, I got a poop. Yeah. Even my kid goes poop, poopy, daddy poopy, because I go, I'm like clockwork, man. Normal. It's, well it is for some people. My wife will go 19 weeks and then just, she'll be gone for an hour.

That's abnormal. Yeah, no shit. Yeah, that's an opposite of normal. All right, captain obvious, that's what I'm saying. Do it in a voice, it will work. Oh, you should get up. I said abnormal. Who it in a voice. Oh you should get up. I said I have no more. Who's it, Jerry?

Poop, poop, paris by the way. I am fun. They're not a sponsor of the show. But if you want, you take shits and you live with a girl, get poop, paris. Where do I get this? You get it, you get it, the hardware store right over here by the Comedy Cellar.

You spray it in the water before you go poop. So the poop goes down, it covers the top with beautiful poop, poop, re smell. Come on. It's allowed us to forget half the jokes today. It's fucking awesome. Poop re. You don't have to know your wife even takes a poo.

Yeah, which is great. The internet because a pun can be a business. Should you smell it though? So in case you smell something really wrong, then you know something's wrong with you. No, not everybody has ass problems like you. Kelly has a history of ass problems. You know, shit's beef jerking. I just got anal fizzes. Who could smell shit and go, yeah, there's a problem. She has this problem where she takes a shit every time she goes on state Go back to your own country Like sin rose battle mode

Yeah, how do you have here? man Tell me how to hit the version brings up a great fucking point What do you take a shit and you're like I think I'm low on all-in Someone's like a B12 Hey Oh forgiveness I am Aaron Burns Russian exit I have been stuck for many centuries. Many apologies. I can do Russian, I can do a little...

Okay, but it's not good. That's more the fuck a Chinese. I'm a Chinese. I'm Aaron Burnt's Chinese. It's an accident. Excuse me. That should let me... Oh, well... This has been a fucking crazy party. Excuse me. That should do that. Okay.

Oh, look. This has been a fucking crazy podcast. Oh shit. God damn it. You fucking son. I'm really bad. I got a research. I'd love to be a fly in the wall when you're auditioning.

Can you work out something other than your abs for once So that is I'm not fucking Jeff Ross. I know it look like him, but stop You know, can I write for you please? That was what was that Jewish a little that was not Can it please do it black you got to do your black accent. Where's your black accent? Dig up stupid dig up What a fuck what I can do Jamaican. I can't do it. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Why are you why are you looking with tarot?

Blood clad with a blood clad whom we all think I deal with now. That was pretty good That's the only one I can do. Hey, do you try like that all the time? Oh, yeah, I sometimes kill a fast Sometimes kill a fast tool cut take a poo and she don't know if she ate an awful their task That's on the verge of Chinese Such colips. Oh, this honor Japanese you fucking monk I fucking love these accents, it's a great, I'm really bad

Where is it you do any accents? No, not really I can do a pretty decent Kaitlyn Jack I'm just trying to understand who I meant to be as a woman That's not bad, what do you got Zach? I got nothing nothing? What happened to you man you fucking have it but you shut down emotionally I did I'm having a weird thing what happened. I'm on my way to a funeral when

In 20 minutes who don't Jesus. I would say it. Oh, what are my buddies? Sorry, dude. Oh, yeah, I just got a text that my friends are outside to freak me out. Oh, sure Sorry, but no, I, I just got a tax that my friends are outside to freak me out. Oh, sure Sorry, oh no, I can I there that way that's why you address like a gay pimps Yeah, exactly. I'm not going to gay wedding. I'm going to a Puerto Rican funeral You you take up the cock rings when you go to funerals or do you leave them in they would have wanted it that way Hey, buddy listen man. Thank you for being so honest and open and and you know funny to them Sorry about that you got to take off give you plugs right now. You can take off. Oh no, they're around the corner.

They're fine. They're having coffee. Yeah, totally. I'm sorry to bring the show down. I apologize. Well, yeah, you're fucking, yeah. Jesus Christ. I haven't found you just staring off into the distance.

Try not to well up. It's the one funeral where they bring out the casket to let the bodies at the floor. All right. I like that. That's a good reference. Yeah, but you know what, it was a good reference for none of them. I think it's you know what, I think you swung a lot,

but you fucking hit a lot of singles. Oh, I know, I'm tripled. Yeah, but I talked about that. Taking the risk. Yeah, you take the risk. Yeah, it's fine. It's what I learned at roast battle. What is that? Who's that? You're gonna do fucking. You can't even do a do-it-a-sensation accent. You can't who can't do people you're gonna try to do individuals All right, let me try to give any original acts. You have any if you do enough. That's right. I can't do it No, I can't do it. Oh, that was just in the time. I can do already lang you know that ready Yeah, the the the uh-huh like I'm like Lawrence on the show today and he's Yeah, the like I'm like Lawrence on the show today and he's

Fucking Paul Verzi's here Fucking guys fucking dick in college And then you just stab yourself Yeah, then I do heroin and I want to see Lawrence tits more the fucking cake Followers 20,000 Twitter followers are whipped out 10,000 followers. I'll whip it out. What did you say? 20,000 Twitter followers are whip it out. It was 10,000 before. All right. I'm up and out.

I'm trying to get it lowered. No, we get it. One tip for 20. I want more followers on YKWD, not yours. Not on. YKWD. No, no, no, no, no. YKWD.

If you, all right. So if you follow YKWD, at YKWD on Twitter, Warren at 20,000 followers will fucking show us your tits. Just one tits. And blow the bad one. The good one. Yeah, the higher one. Which one is the higher?

The right one. Yeah, not the left. You guys are lucky she's here because that was me having to do that. You would get nothing. We'd lose a lot of followers. Yeah, it would have been. It would have just been itself to death. No, mine are feeling like raisinets. They're just already nice

What does that mean you can have a Hits you have saggy titties They're coming they're coming they're around the bend. Yeah, my god. You just I mean you can we can you play it? Can you start just saying that you give head I mean, can we, can you play it? Can you start just saying that you give head and you love the air? It's gotta go to a funeral. We just start with the tithaugh with the fuck.

I'm sorry. All right, listen, let's go around the room. Zach, what do you got, buddy? Faulting funeral in a shitty shirt. Follow me on Twitter Instagram at Zach is not funny and check out my new movie Return to Newcom Hi volume two. Coming out in January, me, Bailey J, Ron Jeremy, and Lemmy from Motorhead.

Did you fuck anybody? Just the extras. Nice. Exactly. Thanks for coming on, buddy. Thank you. Come back again soon, all right? Thank you so much for having me. Can you come back on when you don't have a funeral? Yes. Thanks. You really fucking just went off into it. You were at the beginning. It was amazing. I know. I really petered out on you. I'm sorry. You'll go back.

I'm sorry about your friend, man. Thank you, pal. I'm sorry about your friend, too. I'm sorry about your friend, too. I'm sorry about your friend, too. I'm sorry about your friend, too. I'm sorry about your friend, too. I'm sorry about your friend, man. I'm sorry about your friend man. Thank you. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend.

I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend.

I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. I'm sorry about you friend. up. Just up a little fucking T-Rex hands around. We're so small now that your arms got bigger.

I know, I know. I was a huge. I'm a huge. I'm a huge. There's years, look at that. Anyway, let me see. Look at that, a huge. The big arms.

They're not that bad. That's where all my weight went. Oh my god, I remember you as, look, I'm going to talk. I was super skinny. I remember. I know, I've been fucking thin too. thin too so you're gonna get it back are we done? We'll see I want to get it back but it's pretty hard to get down to that skinny You know like to maintain it. I'm gonna tie it for a while. We got anal fishers. So it helped yeah I was really ill

I'm scared. I'm gonna lose weight. Just slice your ass a little bit again with a box cutter I would think we just pulls one out I'm gonna get with the box. I'm gonna get with the box. I'm gonna get with the box. I'm gonna get with the box. I'm gonna get with the box. I'm gonna get with the box. I'm gonna get with the box. I'm gonna get with the box. I'm gonna get with the box.

I'm gonna get with the box. I'm gonna get with the box. I'm gonna get with the box. I'm gonna get with the box. West Indy and with a Jew. Holy shit. You fucking suck. So good. I'm like... Scraping at the bottom of the melting pot.

The impressions of Eric Burr. Great CD title. Can you grab Dan's voices, but he can have your body, and then there'll be like a perfect man. Dan really does have a fucking, just a cartoon body. I can draw Dan no problem. Dan really does have a fucking just a cartoon body. I can draw Dan no problem. Yeah, so Kelley, if you could come, I'm going to be on tour

in Perth, Adelaide Melbourne, at the beginning of the year. And I have a podcast, get your hand off it. If you want to come, what is it called again? It's called Get Your Hand off It. It's an Australian term. It's an Australian term that means back off. Oh my goodness. Why did you say that? I got to listen to. Oh my goodness. Why did you say that?

I got a list of podcasts with subtitles. Why did you say back off? All right. Even it's too aggressive. I need something that was just in the middle of life. Look, listen, listen, I got to listen to one episode and get the handoff and stuff. Don't worry about it. It's actually, oh, you're giving them advice.

What's up, Aaron? Besides going to the gym and eating right, what are you up to? Sad voices. My book launch parties at the stand on Monday the 19th. The stand. At the stand comedy club in New York City. Guys, guys, guys. You get two more stands and that's it. Come on, kiddie, go ahead. What's your favorite Stephen King now?

Hey, when you're at a bus stop, what are you doing? Sometimes I'll sit, but other times I'll stand. What are you not supposed to do when the seatbelt light is on on the plane? Don't stand. What can't, how do you, what's, you get it out. Your ideas are like my accents.

What's he says? Brand new show on Hulu, October 30th, 24 hour rental, my book American etiquette is on Amazon and Barnes and Noble and my CD comedy Coltrans on iTunes, Aaron Berg comedy. All right, shitty accents. And you can hire him for parties to come in and just ruin fucking fun. Views people.

What do you got, Versa? You go to my website, PaulVersi.com, follow me on Twitter, at PaulVersi. And yeah, man, by the album, it's doing well.com. Follow me on Twitter at Paul Verzi and Yeah, man by the album. It's doing well night at the state Paul Verzi night at the stand. It's available iTunes Amazon Spotify and Google play check it out Yeah, Verzi's kicking ass right now everybody in this room was fucking kicking ass I really appreciate you guys coming on. We got Lauren. What do you got at Lauren Cabara Twitter and come to the Village Underground on the 26th. 26th man live show.

What do you got, Scope? I hate you want to come and sit in on this show, email YKWD producer at RyKaz. That was supposed to have girls in this week. No, that's the common to the live show, actually. Fuck. Also, if you want to send some stuff for the studio behind Bobby, just it to 117 McDougal Street. That's the comedy seller care of Robert Kelly Just email me though first and just tell me you're just gonna send something. Yeah, so you should get Kelby stuff then put him back there That's far they're waiting for that

That's far too. They're waiting for that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha send us stuff, put it up behind us, trying to fill this beautiful wall with stuff. He gave it the address, just send it there, let's Chris Cuppo know. Deepo, what do you got, Baba? I got nothing. You can follow me on Twitter at R2Depu and check out the YouTube channel. Stop saying you have nothing.

Hey, is you bringing it? At the, it's like, yes, yes, yes, and then I got nothing. You're being hit the climactic. I got a loving family, I name nobody once. I got a website now. I name nobody wants I got a website now What is it called guys with big asses Stiggy it in my fucking butt Joe listen

Need to write to your headlining gig You Is anybody need a call though in here does almost an MC? Predicting food George Washington bridge Holland tunnel I got ways dot com What's your website name? Chris go booboo dot com. All right, Chris go with that go check it out. I want to like Brood what do you got yeah you, you suck dick that comment. Oh, that's exact my sight What do you what do I got buddy? Oh shit? You gonna meet the Albany Something in problem. That's this week this weekend

Yes, if you listen to live them at the Albany comedy works Thursday Friday Saturday Joe list isn't counted another shitty a club club I don't know where that is and there you go. What else? It's the 15 16 17th Yep 23rd you mean Richfield Connecticut Richfield Connecticut. Are you with us? I know you're not Stavros and Joe Lister on that. Oh, thanks. Sorry, I'll get you I'll get you That's a cool Oh, then you're gonna go the JFL 15th anniversary tour you're going back to Canada. It doesn't say where though I don't know all fucking over from Hamilton to Vancouver and everywhere in between It's 15 shows if that's the it's from the me crystal a Lanzo

I forget the other two guys there they're Canadian guys, they're fucking hilarious dudes, Cristella's fucking hilarious, it's an incredible show and I can't wait to do it, I've done it before, ugh, it's the fifth to the 28th of November. Yeah, I mean every night in a different place, it's a hustle and great time. It's a fucking grind, so I can't wait to do JFL. So here's a deal, check it out. Make sure you follow all these guys and make sure you buy their stuff, go to this shows and tell them that you heard them

on the YKWDUDE podcast. And go to Netflix and five star my shit, go to my shows, go to robbercallylive.com and check out all my shit. And there you go, that's it man. We will see you on the 26th live. go to robbercallylive.com and check out all my shit. And there you go, that's it man. We will see you on the 26th live and you guys are the best fans of the world.

You know what, dude? Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Shitty jobs. Check out riotcast.com for all of the best podcasts on the internet. And they're all free. And they're all free. You