Robert Kelly's You Know What Dude! - Excuse Me

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

We're joined by Justin Silver in this edition of YKWD! What's the best way to audition, what side effects are there to weight loss, and we get a look at a perfect D Pick! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hoy es un día de eso de no saber cómo va a acabar el día. ¿Dónde nadie pregunta de dónde viene? ¿Sino por qué no te viene? Y una ronda es el tiempo que pasa entre no conocernos, y no creer olvida. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos lia. Hoy es un día de eso que Madrid nos encuentra. Maú, la vida es más vida cuando nos encontramos.

Encuentra los bares de Madrid, la edición especial de Madrid nos lia. Un número de ma mal, a Madrid. Now! We're back, you know what's in live. Welcome everybody to the show. YKWD. YKWD. I started the social media podcast. YKWD. YKWD. YKWD. YKWD is back again.

Old school, back in the day. We're all starting before them all. YKWD. YKWD. This podcast is so fun and crazy. And there's no rules. Shut up, you're ruining this. We're the bargana man. I'm so sorry. First of all, I'm gonna be honest with you.

Sorry. It's a comedy podcast. This is an NPR. That's the podcast done. Is there any better show? This is the original. Original. Are you fuckin' on me? I don't, what were you just doing with your hands. Oh, no

Played myself. Oh Um, I mean you can't get any rougher starts than today. I Can't yes today was a drag This was excited today is a fucking I mean I was feeling great and I walk in the studio. My fucking foot's in a wire. But we're fixing everything. Everything is being fixed, right Mike? Yes.

Everything's gonna be done, right Gabby? Yeah. The studio, the doors are going up, the TV's going up, the logos are going on the wall, the wires are going to the new tables coming. Wow. Everything's going to be done. Yes. And this studio is going to be rocking. Yeah. Once again. Mm-hmm. Yeah. For sure. Right, Mike? Yeah. They don't call you mush for nothing. Call me. Yeah. Anyways. All all right, well anyways, we got, we were supposed to have two guests in today, right?

Yes. One of them. Has an audition. Yes, an audition that he's not going to get. Who knows, but probably not. The fucking percentages are against them. All right, but we have the other part of one of my favorite podcasts, by the way, still, I mean, I'm gonna talk to you about it,

because I have some concerns. Okay. But, right? I mean, we had both of them here. Yeah. Right? Yeah. We've Justin Silver.

Hi. We have Justin is here. What? Who I love, Justin. Don't you fucking hear. I can hear through the headphones. That was a production joke. I, well, we, you know, I, I'm a big fan of your podcast.

Thank you, buddy. I love it. And we were supposed to have both of you here, which I was very excited about. So it was, I haven't seen you both in a while. Right. I think the last time you canceled last minute, no, I mean, yeah, you did. No, no, no, no, no, no, me. Gabby, I'm on a last minute cancer type book. What happened? I don't remember. You forgot.

No. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I got it. It was a double book thing. It was like, yeah. You double book yourself. I didn't do it. Yeah.

I don't book it. Can I say something now really quick? You have a microphone you may. Can I say something? No, it has to be quick. Slow it down. We just started. I'm sorry. We don't have Mike, we need to fill a lot of things.

We have to fill a lot of time, but yeah. No, I'm sorry. I was gonna try to book somebody else and we ask a couple of people, and that was a good fuck it. I'll just have Justin. I don't need anybody else. No, I appreciate that.

And I guess Mike, it doesn't even wanna go on this audition. He's like, oh, I'm not gonna get it, but I gotta go. I was like, I kinda disagree with that shit. I don't think he gotta go, because if you don't wanna, if you don't think you're gonna get it, and it's to go. I was like, I kind of disagree with that shit. I don't think he got to go, because if you don't want to, if you don't think you're going to get it,

and it's not right for you, you don't go. You don't go. It's more because you're going to make a fucking ass out of yourself, and it's more important to come here and do this. And honestly. I mean, look, doing this show is going to get you a bump. That's the fucking point, that's what I was explaining. Well, I didn't even know the name of your show anymore.

What's it called? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Here's it called? No, just because you got it. No, no, no ghosts. Here's it. I'm quitting it tomorrow because he's not here. So it doesn't really matter. Well, Ryan Cast is open for you, baby. Yeah, but then I got to like paint the walls and do like structure work like you were before this show.

This studio by the time you make it here is going to be done. Yeah. We get you a nice album on the new label we have. Ooh, you get a nice fucking, you get a nice, what? And I get along with Michael very well. Who does it? And Gabby, look at those purse lips. What about me? Gabby, I love you.

I'm not allowed to be too friendly with you or Bobby takes a fucking swing at me. Yeah, I know. Listen to me. If I ever find out you two hook up, why? What? Huh? What are you gonna say why too?

No, don't. Or you can say what the hell are you talking about? Well, third of each other right now, because it's bugging me already. I'm not, I'm not hugging up with anyone. All right, good. No comics. Well, what?

Have you hooked up with a comic that I know? You. No. You're lying. No, you know. No, you don't know. If you hook up with this Italian stallion, I'll be mad. I'm Jewish.

Yeah, but I can think you're Italian so I can bear you. You know what? That's what I say in my dating profiles when I'm Italian. Of course you do. You look Italian. You're the Jewish fucking Tony Danes. Because it's fucking sexy. Yeah.

You know what I mean? My Jew is a sexy. Jesus sexy. And you're fucking smoking for a Jew. My credit score is sexy. Very sexy. My Schwabbakown guy, I'll show you that. You know, fucking change.

Two and a two seconds. Sure. You're dad will prove. You think the Schwabbakown guy, I'll show you that. You know, if I can change you two in a two seconds. Sure. You're dad will prove. You think the Schwabbakown is going to change it to another, you're fucking 19 abs and you're lacy dick. Talk to me about a lacy dick. Lacy? Nice lacy dick.

Define lacy. What are the pubes that look neat like lacy? Nice and manicured. You know what? That's an accurate description. I'm gonna start using it. Yeah, you get a nice lacy dick. Yeah, I made it up.

And you start calling yourself a sled dog too. Listen, um, but I'm pissed up Mike's not here because I'm fucking, you know, Yeah, what he's gonna go, what was the raw, tell me it was just something big. No, what? No, what is it for? I don't know, it was,

I don't know, it's probably like a guest store, co-star and something. He's like, yeah, it's not right for me, but I gotta go, but he's like, it's not right for me. I'm like, then don't go. It's not copper construction worker, we kinda know. Fire fighter or like, you know. It's not, if it's not, if it's not.

Something where you wear gloves. It's not vigilante. Yeah, exactly. I beat you a funny way. I'm sorry. I know, you should have loved this fun here. I was gonna say it was not a vigilante. I'm exactly. I beat you a funny way. I'm sorry. You should have loved this funny. I was going to say it was not a vigilante.

I tried to sneak it in anyways. Look at this. Come back I am. Look, fucking, I mean, he's got to go. Who got on the audition? I don't know whatever. I don't know what management he's with right now. You can't say what it's for them because you know what it is.

No, I swear to God, I don't know. You don't know what show it's for. I don't know. You want text. I'm sure he's not in the audition right now. You can't say what it's for them because you know what it's not. I swear to God, I don't know. You don't know what show it's for. I don't know. You want to text. I'm sure he's not in the audition right yet. Audition. Sorry. I was trying to relate to the millennials. Yeah, don't do that. Sorry about that. Throw my phone. Sorry. At her, not you. Why? Because you're the reason for a dish. All right. Well, you text him right now and ask him what we want to know what audition you're in? Well, there's a thing if he was like, I'll be a couple minutes late. Fine. He's like, I'm going to be an hour late.

Yeah, that's called the show. Yeah. What am I supposed to do? Let your roll in with 20 minutes. Let it give you a creds. But the whole point I was like, dude, that pocket like on, I don't want to, I don't want to like start staring here. I know you. I don't know what staring is.

So I don't want to start driving. I just want to hear it. Anyway, you can drive the bus. Drive it. I don't want to drive the bus. I don't want to. I'm very, I'm very tired today. Okay.

Feel free to take my point. That fucking show is so fun to do because we start doing like, we're having like all the repeat guests. We start doing all the scripts and all this. I'm like, listen, once you're, once you're maxed out on whenever network you are, it's like, you got to bring that. You got to bring what you do on the road to like other podcasts that we love and like, you know, you have to.

So I was like, dude, it's so much more important to fucking bring this, you know, to go over and do Bobby. You know what I kinda say, something. I wanted him here. You haven't been in the line. You haven't seen a lot of you guys lately. So I'm saying, yeah, I haven't seen a lot. I was seeing a lot of you guys.

I was enjoying the content, the fighting, the thing, I didn't know it was real, what haven't seen a lot. I was seeing a lot of you guys. I was enjoying the content the fighting the thing I didn't know it was real what wasn't real the thing at the end when you give the gift and he does the job That's who's still going I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. It's not coming up It's not popping like it was before. It's got a pop. It's got a pop and and maybe it pops I came here to pop today You know you fucking popper, you know? I want a pop over the fucking room pop me put it on the wall so we could have something hanging on the wall So at least it won't look fucking gray and drab and depressing. That's what I'm saying pop on the wall. It's signing underneath it Yeah, signing your pop see if you can sign your name with your pop Talking about the same thing

My whole name. Yeah. Yeah. It's four syllables. I don't think I pop that much. I can do my initials. Yeah. Do your initials.

Now? Yeah, JS. That's nice. It's fucking gush. Gush. Gush, gush. That's a gush. Gush, gush.

And it doesn't have to be a capital J. I'll let you do a lowercase. So it's gush, gush. Try not, gush. And it doesn't have to be a capital jail, let you do a lowercase. So it's gush, gush. Turn off the whole line and just get the die. No, gush, gush, gush, gush. Do it again? Gush, gush, gush, gush. A little bit Korean.

What? It's gush, gush. I see what you're doing. Yeah, it's gush, gush, gush, gush. Got it. Yeah. I'd be fucking gush, gush, gush, gush, gush, gush, gush. Got it. Yeah. I'd be fucking gush, gush, gush, gush, gush, gush, gush, gush. You hypnotizing me?

Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. What are you doing? I don't know. Way into it. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm the fucking Microsoft. There's a catch back there.

I did a roll around you. I'm not going to answer. What do you say? You said a pilot called Night't roll around. What do you say? What is it? He said a pilot called night shift. Yeah. What do you play? Perfect. Yeah.

We want to know what his role is. If it's the guy who does the night shift, he can, he's fine. I'm going to say it's, if it's court bailiff. Yeah. Wait, that's a guy, that's a cop in the court. That's fine. Yeah. But if it's, if it's boyfriend anything, he's not getting it. That you need a black guy for the court bailiff.

Why? Because it's just always night court. Who that's that's that's that's back in racist TV. He's a force. Now you need a black guy. Yeah. Or a woman for a court bailiff. Yeah.

Yeah. Have a woman. Yeah. Mm. I mean, she I mean, if something goes down, she's going to have to call the guy. Right. That's what I'm saying. You like an overweight black guy. I was like, listen, here goes down, she's going to have to call the guy. Right. That's what I'm saying.

You like an overweight black. I was like, listen, I couldn't really be like a beat cop because I've got this heart condition. My cholesterol's all fucked up. But like to run from here to there, I'm good. Right. Also, my court did have a black woman at the end. She did. Yeah, they did.

It's a war. Yeah. And then the show got canceled. You see your point? Yeah. Different time. It's because the other two women kept dying. They him an old woman be the other one and they would die During the role is that legit yeah, wow the character description is it's about a guy who takes a swing at a podcast host

Because he won't mind his own fucking business Tell him tell him I just got the part of a guy who swings back with a shovel and knocks out that fucking guy Fucking sick of his or shit. Why is is fucking Ben and Jerry's here today? Is anybody explaining to me and the joke would work better if you could pan over there, you cock-sucker. Sitting in the throne. Yeah, why is the whole band of the grateful dead and fish sitting over here today?

That's a good one. Are you looking for a ring, sir? Why is Frodo Baggins sitting in the... Is anybody gonna tell me who this guy is? That's our cat, Ben. Well, who the fuck is Ben? Are cats? Yes, they're cats, she's the man.

A couch cat. Well, let me know. This is the problem with you. As people just come in, there was like the time the black kid just walked in and walked by and was like, what's up? And nobody told me that we had a guest coming in. No, that one is not true.

That one we told you where a web guy was coming. You didn't tell me it was black. That was assuming this guy to walk in. And then this guy, we told you our web guys and it come up through in the show. Yeah, well, he did and it was very surprising to you. All right. What about that other crazy that walked in?

Remember him? Who? The guy. What about that other crazy that walked in, remember him? Who? The guy. Oh, that couch guest was crazy. Yeah. We knew he was coming though. He was just crazy. We didn't know he was crazy.

How did you see his photo? Yeah. He didn't see his, all of your fans. Well, this guy is almost, he's so lovable looking. I want to go. He's so cute. He's adorable. This guy's great.

He looks like young Santa. Where are you from? I'm going to grab the mic right there. Mike give him the mic. I love the East Village. You're from the East Village. Well, I live there now. Oh no shit. Yeah. Oh, that you've been ervington. Oh, where I live. Yeah. Oh, so your parents have money. A little bit. Yeah, a little bit. What do your parents do? Therapy? My mom was a school psychologist. Yeah, I can tell. You nailed it. Yeah. Yeah, I was a teacher or a system thing.

Oh, computer system things. Yeah. And what do you do, sir, that you can take the day off? I'm a glass blower. Excuse me. You blow glass? Yeah. That's so funny.

There's a piece of glass in my pants right now. Dude, don't tempt him. I'm sorry. He's got a lacy beard. What do you want me to do, Bobby? We want me to do. So you're a professional glass blower. Yeah.

So you could blow like something for the studio. Yeah, actually did. You did? You did? Oh, can we see it? Yeah, sure. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, guy. Oh, shit. Oh, all right. Oh, my God. So I needed a gift. Try it.

Can I just say something? I needed a gift today. I needed something. He is young, Santa. I needed something. Oh, my God. To fill the hole inside of me. And here it is.

And it's from what you name again? Ben. Ben, Frodo. That can be replaced by a glass butt plug. Oh my God, I could stick this in my bum. Oh my God, this is so amazing. Look at that. Inside what?

It says, you know what, dude. You made one for my son, right? Oh, shit, sorry. No. That was another glass blower. That is amazing. And before you fucking, before you suck them over to your show,

like, I wouldn't. Before you pull a Gomez. Yeah, he's gonna be making gas digital balls for everybody. Yeah, we're, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm fucking believable. Look at that. That is a me- That's detailed work. Holy shit, dude. That's a me- I mean, I was thinking something a little bigger, but listen, the thing is- Wait a second. Can I ask a question about this? You asking me or Frado?

Frado. I guess but- Not Frado. Is this- Is this- Is this- Is this stuff- is the wording glass, too? Yeah. It's all glass. Fuck, dude. It's crazy. Shit. Crazy. Yeah. can I see that yeah if you had one funny Bone in your body you would have smashed that against the wall. I really was thinking about this throwing it across the

I was like you had a crack funny bone in your body you would have thrown it right at my for now I know I know where I know the limits are you wouldn't hear a funny story with that though what really quick because or now I know where I know the limits are you wouldn't hear funny story with that though what really quick is that but you know the stories of like you and and Louis you know those guys doing that from like back in the mean Lewis go we were on the road second each other's decks yes we were on the road and we were in can I was one of the fucking horrible snow is in Montreal so I go dude give me the hotel room key I want to go back and I want to go back and get some meat so he pulls out a stack of hotel cards like this yeah I got one of those he goes oh man it of hotel cards like this. And I go, oh, what are those?

He goes, oh, man, it's really cool. Every time I go to a hotel on the road, I keep the cards. It's like a souvenir. I go, can I see that? I go, shh, shh, shh, no. Right in the fucking snow. And you just want to rip the pendo over and pick them all out.

And it's snow. It was my favorite one. I think there's nothing fun with it. But I would not throw that. Well, I mean, I think this. He didn't, because he fucking, how long they take you to blow? An hour and a half.

An hour and a half, like a regular blow job from a married wife to a married husband. A nice hour and a half blow. Nothing? Nice talking to you. Well, there you go. That's great, man. That's awesome.

I love it. Now, if I commissioned you to do something for the studio, how much would that cost? I mean, it's kind of what it is. Like the studio name. Like an up big. Yeah, like this big. Be kind of complicated.

I don't really do stuff that big. Like I said, but for you guys, I'd make it. What are you do small stuff? Yeah, mostly. Mostly small things. Marbles and bonds and stuff like that. Oh, bonds. Yeah, a lot of them. You should get a bond. Are you know what, mostly. Mostly small things. Marbles and bonds and stuff like that. Oh,

bonds. Yeah. You should get a bond. Are you know what, dude? Bonds. Yeah. Even though I'm so, but 34 years, I would love that. I've smoked. I didn't make you one tobacco. Can I interject? I want to talk to you, Italian. My friend wants a YKWD thing out of glass. Or maybe somebody falls down an open elevator shaft. How long is this going to fucking take? All right. We got it. I'll prolly my country back. He said, you to you. Let me talk to him again. Yeah, do you think?

I got a special price so I got some leads on these. I got this. My friend. You don't want to be born glass when you're 50. Let's go. Ha ha ha ha. Did you talk to Mike?

Did he get back here? Is he still threatening people's lives? Like a... He said, tell him I love him, but not in a sexual way. Forget that. Who am He said, tell him I love him, but not in a sexual way. Forget that. Who am I kidding? Tell him I love him in a sexual way. Tell him Ditto. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I love you more. Thank you. Thank you. I'd fuck you. Really? I would love him. Top bottom. Give me the position. Dude, you're gonna. Sorry about the word shorting.

Listen, here's the thing. I would, if me and you seriously, we've kissed, listen, stop all that, I'm being serious right now. Go ahead. All right, that kiss was hijinks. It was. If me and you, it wasn't passionate. If we were gonna,

it's gonna be a dual top. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm gonna push your face against the wall. I'm gonna suck on that neck, I'm gonna grab that hair, cause I haven't grabbed hair in a long time. I'm gonna reach around and grab that fucking lacy dick. It's lacy.

And I'm gonna be like, where is it? Oh, it's up top, because it's so hard right now, because you're rock solid. I want to play Genuine's pony while we do it. The whole time. Put that shit on repeat. Put the fucking Spotify thing on CrossFit. I don't even want a pause. I want to do it at your apartment, so I can fuck you out the fucking Spotify thing on cross fate. I don't even want to pause

I want to do it at your apartment so I can fuck you out the window so people watch you Yes I'm gonna move up to a higher floor You want to make it dangerous? All right, we're trying to be clean on my KWD. Oh, we are this is children all I'm not saying sorry Yeah, if you want to if you want to get more fucking listeners, you want to stay at the bottom, keep swearing, putty mouth.

Anyways, so your show, I want to talk about, I want to talk about a couple of things. Sure. First of all, your show, I'm a little nervous about it because I haven't seen a lot of it. Like the content is not out there. It's starting to come back a little this week, but it used to be you guys fighting, you guys get long, so good now. Yeah. that the content is not out there. It's starting to come back a little this week,

but these two, you guys, fighting, you guys get long so good now. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, you have all the content still there. I think that I think there's also like, when you put, when the same shit keeps coming up in Instagram, like you have to, if you're not putting other stuff out,

the way as it shows on people's feeds, it just shows us. So I'm like, that's why you have to be, that's why you have to be more visible in other areas. That's what I think. I guess, maybe that's true. Mike, am I right about that? A little bit, yeah. Yeah. Mike, are you dying? Well, we're all dying. No, I mean, you dying today. No, not today. Okay. He just had to look. I just got to make sure you're right. Every time I see you, I got to make sure you're not dying. Oh, no, this is also good. It's very busy. Okay, so you tired. Yeah, okay. I'm fine. Okay

I worry about this kid if he drops would done Yeah, I think that you need to step it up a little bit. I agree with you. Yeah, I think no disrespect is one of the fucking You know like hyenas that poppin. I love it. Yeah. You guys pop in. I love it. Content wise, we started doing all this new shit. So we are always adding bits to it. And now like we just did the porn scripts with Christina Hussin, which I thought we saw a little bit of that. That was good. Yeah. So I like that. But Mike's busy fucking trying to be a bailiff on nightcore. I'm here, Bob. I mean, like can we just say it should be the new bull on night. Let's take, let's take

a fucking. Let's take a, a is he gonna get it or not? I say no No, you know, it's one and it's one and a hundred fifty you know when you get stuff in this business when your friend goes Duke I want you to do this part. That's when you get stuff listen the only at a four parts I booked in so many years the one I just booked on high fidelity that was the only one where I read this script and I was like, okay, this is, you couldn't have written something. There's no way, you know before you go into it, there's no way they wouldn't give this to me.

Unless they're like, I want a person of color, I want a woman, unless they want something different, you're like, this is just gonna be easy. Right, you know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've read it last week for something and I fucking bombed. I just bombed but was it there's

For billions it was like a money guy with Allison who yeah, yeah, she's cool Nothing I just run to see if I can get some maddy you. I didn't say anything. I didn't say nothing. Dude, that's the fucking, that's how you hold it after the audition. How was she? She was good. Yeah. How was she with you?

How was the audition? I bombed. Yeah, that's really honest. That's all I wanna see. You see? Ha ha ha. Why did you bomb? Because acting, look, it's like not doing comedy for a year.

If you don't go auditioning to me is a different game. There's getting the part and being on set and doing it. That's easy. Which to me, yeah, because you get so many takes, half the time, the other people don't even know the fucking lines. We work so hard to get there. We're so nervous that you just rock in it.

You know what I mean? Auditioning, you have one shot usually, maybe two. There's a lot of other people in the room that fucking are going for the same thing. And you have to have, it's like a, it's a little world. You have to audition well. Yeah, it's a skill in and of itself. It's a skill in and thank you for saving me. Those stupid things. If you're looking at this part, like lead with the far eye so that you're

more in the camera, all those little tricks that people don't know. But here's the thing when you walk in a room, my main thing that I do is I have to, I have to who am I reading with? And a lot of times I get you talking and all of a sudden they're like, you ready? Yeah. And I don't take that minute. I'm like, who am I reading with you? Okay. What's up? How you doing? What's happening? Is today good? I heard your mom sick. But something, you know, I mean, it's a Bobby joke. You know, I know it is. They don't. He might because he's a nerd.

This is a horrible for play. But it's like I connect with that person Then I'm there. I'm with you fuck everybody. Yeah, and sometimes they do weird shit because it that weird thing Where I'm just like you know, it just that it gets them going what the fuck is he doing and now all right I don't give a fuck what's up? I don't I didn't do that and then I'm thinking about the lines now I'm thinking about this that I'm thinking about the people in the room now. I'm thinking about now I'm like I'm looking through you. I'm like I don lines. Now I'm thinking about this. Now I'm thinking about the people in the room. Now I'm thinking about, now I'm like, I'm looking through you. I'm like, I don't remember looking at you. Right.

Like you ever talk to somebody, like, oh, I don't even, I'm not even, I didn't look at that person's eyes. What? You going on, it's like when you're performing stand-up, you're just performing into the lights, cause you're just like, ah, ah, ah, ah. When you, when you really engage somebody, yeah, and you're like, this is what I can do for you.

Yeah. And you wait for them, and I don't, you know, I don't, you know, you're right. Fuckin' there. for you. Yeah, and you wait for them. And I don't you know, I don't you're right Fuckin there. This is the energy continue. This is the energy right now And I and I gave this energy. So what are you gonna what are you gonna do? What are you gonna? You know, and you're fucking it's like what I walked out I'm like, now was it a big part? It was a small big part Guest co-star guest started got it doesn't want to fight. Yeah, co-star. Yes, starring. Got it. Those are fun.

Yeah, and it's my favorite show. Second audition for them I bombed. They'll get in there. I don't know if I will. I don't care if I don't. I would never want to get a part that I, you know. But if he was like, dude, just come in and do this. I feel like, let's go.

Take one. Dude, try it this way. Great. Got it. Boom. Done. I'm buying it. Do you throw him away the second you're done? Or do you sit there and like, I'm sorry. You're like, ah it. Boom, done. I'm buying it. Do you throw them away this second you're done or do you sit there and like upset? You're like, ah, fuck, that's how I throw them away. You do, right?

To never touch that shit again. I forget, like if you asked me to do the lines and the elevator on the way down, I'm like, they're just gone. If I bomb, I'm doing them for the whole car ride home. No, no, no. Literally, booking the part. Like, that's how it should have been done. Well excuse me. Yeah. No, no

Well, it's no. Well excuse me I got it right now. Excuse me. That's it. No, no way. It was more like it was like Excuse me. Yeah, is it like that? No, let's try again. Okay, try to get but be with me on this, excuse me. Yeah. Is it like that? No, let's try it again. Okay. But be with me on this. All right, ready? Yeah.

All right, excuse me, but no, don't be so, don't be so conty. All right. Excuse me. No, it's a little, it's a little, it's a little, yeah, I need you to be you, but in that happened, give me the backstory. What happened? I farted and someone you were like, she's here. Don't you know? You're an backstory. What happened? I farted and someone you were like, she's here, don't you have?

You're an assassin. I'm a assassin. And this person said, you asked if this person's here, I said no, you're scaring me and can you please leave? And you're trying to be polite yet in a threatening way. Go. They're not here and you're freaking me out, sir.

Excuse me. Too much. There was too much. I'll do it. You do the person, I'll do it. Too much. That was too much. I'll do it. You do the person I'll do it, ready? Does my, wait, as, but as my character, how often do I wear my shirt in these scenarios?

You wearing a vest, no shirt. Do you have a vest here? No, we don't need the vest. You have it on. Okay, so what hat? Okay, so wait a second. I'm a little confused by my motivation. I'm serious.

I'll show you, ready? Watch out. Let me give you up Do you mind if I give you a line read? Go ahead. Okay. Go ahead. Say he's not here. He's not here Well, excuse me Generally great. That was fuck can I say that so you'd rather play the other gun. What's guy? Maybe you brought me in for this and I gotta say you brought me and you read the nine. Yeah, I'm gonna go I'm gonna throw a hammer here and let the production team, you brought me in for this. I gotta say, you brought me in, you read the die. Yeah. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna throw a hammer here and let the production team, you know,

tie me, do me a favor, hold this for one second, just hold this for one second, put this camera on Bobby as reading, but I just wanna see if something works. Call me crazy, but this is not, as reader, I think you're the fucking assassin and let me, you came in for the audition, let me be the other guy.

Let's just to try something, just to try something. I think you're right, okay. Physicality. I'm sorry, he's a gun. Yeah. That was a gun? Listen, my fucking headphone thing just fell on the ground. I need another present.

Do you have any more glass on you, sir? Anything in your bum? Fuck me, I'm sorry, he's not here. He's not here, really. Yeah, wow. Excuse me. You fucking Bobby? Yeah.

Wow, I'm fucking good. Bob? Yeah. Yes, yes, I got it. Yeah, yeah. You mind if I come back later and check? Yeah, take this glass ball. All right, thank you sir. I'll let him know that you were looking for him. Yeah Have a nice day

Billions didn't book you nope and they shouldn't have because I read like this why were you not there? This is all we could do because I read like this, why were you not there? This is all we could do. Can we? Sure. My stock is going. I don't think I can make this up. You said you weren't from this country, right? Yeah.

I fucking. LOL looks at friend. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck it. Take. Fucking blow. I really do. Oh, Mike books this.

Ha, this would be great if Mike, if Mike books this, it wants to be in a fucking reoccurring. He gets famous off of this. Never does the podcast again. Because they go back and like, you can't do this. This kid, this kid's too crazy, said to me, it's crazy thing. Yeah, I get it. What would you do? Uh, go do another show.

Well, you do, you wouldn't replace him? No, I would it. What would you do? Uh, go do another show. You do, you wouldn't replace them? No, I would just do something else. You wouldn't do no disrespect. No, it's like, I, it doesn't, that thing has to do. You call it fucking disrespected by Mike. And it's just you ranting about my mouth. There you go. Well, yeah, there, yeah, probably.

No, you can't, like once you have done it for really? Sorry. Well, excuse me. Excuse me too much. I can't, like once you have been for really? Sorry. Well, excuse me. Watch this, ready? Do it again. Excuse me. Too much. I can't get this. Yeah, you do it.

Go ahead. Burp? Yeah. I can't really leave this like burp. I was like, you stepped in my life. I don't want to excuse you. Dude, I'm fucking. I'm good. You know what I am going to come on this

was on the fucking wall. You should. I'm going to get you. You're going to be unstoppable. Um, I can't replace that. Michael Matson. I like it. Oh, you like that? It is very fucking Michael Matson. I really want out of this business. Anybody with a fucking independent film, anybody please. Let's get me on this fucking list. I'm gonna lose a little weight, don't worry. I'll be there.

My dream is to play a mob guy. I wanna do a Tony soprano guy. That's my dream. I'm surprised. Do you get called in for that? No, not yet. I will. I will someday, because I want to fucking be rageful.

Here's the thing. What's the thing? You have a youthful-looking face. You got an age, you got an age a little bit. I can't. Can you grow rageful. Here's the thing. What's the thing? You have a youthful looking face. You got to age a little bit. I can't. Can you grow a full beard? I could. Mm.

Grow the beard. For that? Yeah, how many bearded fucking mob guys have you seen? You're too cute. What? You're too cute. Dare you. What are you doing?

You're too cute. My ex not here, you're thinking I'm gonna. Well, if you grow a little bit of a beard. What do you mean I'm, you're too cute. Mike's not here, you're thinking I'm gonna... Well, they're too cute. If you grow a little bit of a beard... What do you mean I'm too cute? Keep saying it. But you have like a beautiful baby face. You have no wrinkles.

What do you mean? You have a beautiful baby face. Your skin is perfect. Sometimes you look when they purge a little bit. I get excited. That's not a mob guy. What do you mean? You can't be feel threatened by a guy you want to fuck!

What I'm saying is sorry to the underage listeners. I need you to try and get those numbers up. I apologize about that. What are you want to fuck. I'm saying it's sorry to the underage listeners, I need you trying to get those numbers up. I apologize. We're trying to just do five minutes. That was me. Five minutes of clean stuff, that's all. All right, you're too cute. Yes, right?

Yes, I am. So like, you see like, Paulie, right? He's looks a little threatening and kind of like, D-I-C-K-I-S-A-S-S. Yeah. So I need to get rough up a little bit. I need to age a little bit. You have to grow get rough up a little bit. I need to age a little bit. You have to grow your beard out a little bit.

All right. Okay. You don't have any wrinkles in your face. I don't. No. Thank God. I don't. I have Filipino skin.

You do. I do. You'll make a s'mowing. I do. Well, it's because there's a lot of, I mean, there's a lot of stretching happening. Yeah. I think when I lose the weight, I might have some wrinkles that are up here. It's going to look like Lewis Gomez's lower stomach

What does that look like an empty saddle bag doesn't? I use you know because the game waiting lost weight I'm just I that's what I'm worried about is losing the weight then I'm gonna have some fucking placenta hanging off my stomach I'm not where I thought your face is what we're worried about I'm worried about fucking get I want to take my shirt off at the beach. I'm gonna go get surgery on my fucking pocket book hanging off my fucking midsection. I want to take my shirt off in the studio so I know how you feel. Dude, take your shirt. No, I'm not gonna do it.

Do it. No. Fucking please. Maybe on the second half. Do it. Second half, I want to see you topless. He take yours off. I'll take mine.

I can't I can't do that. We're trying to get young listeners. I'm like, what is that? I don't know what you're upset about. Dude, for me to think, I'm actually, I'm really, to talk about, I could do this with YouTube, because you're so in shape, and you know so much about being in shape, and nutrition, and is that this last seven weeks of me really

doing it has been, it's been getting a little tough now. What are you doing specific? Well, I did the whole 30. I quit dairy, sugar and carbohydrates and legumes and shit like that. Stars carbohydrates. Well, I have, I have like potatoes. Okay, so not stars carbohydrates, but vegetables you're eating. I mean, ton of vegetables.

Okay, so then you are, you're not eating them like I'm talking, I'm just saying bread, pastas and pizzas, the cakes and shit. I'm not in that. But I do have potatoes and broccoli and all that shit, you know, and carrots and, you know, I eat all that shit, but it's getting fucking hard now because the accolades are done. Nobody gives a fuck anymore. And people, and you still get called fat fuck all the time,

especially being a comedian and having the fan base I have. You know, it's just brutal to fucking, you know, it's a constant fucking fat. So anything I do that's, you know, you know, even this thing I did for Hyundai, it's like people just trashin' me about being fat. And you know, one guy wrote, I can't wait for you, a max and you wife to buy a triple X casket soon.

And it's like, wait, what? Yeah, he wrote that, some guy wrote that. And it's like, Jesus Christ, I mean, that's some sick shit. But I don't give a fuck, I get it. You're a fucking psycho. That's a terrible thing, but they're not paying for that. It's like. I love when fans think they're like, no, I'm one of the guys too, right?

I can't handle it shut up. Did you fucking listen? Did you write that? Right now. I was worth it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut it off. No, you didn't. You actually didn't?

Yeah, Mike. Yeah. Excuse me. Oh. Is that better? That was a lot better. Because I feel like I didn't overdo it anymore. Yeah, you didn't.

No, it was good. It was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good,

it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, it was a good, Excuse me? That's different though. I was saying excuse me for interrupting. Right, but you fucking intention was different. Yeah, intention was different. I gave it to the microphone and then I was like, excuse me? Like my rage went here and then it went there. Wow. And then I was like, okay, that's it for you, a fucking bullshit.

Anyways, yeah, dude. So it's getting tough now because my go to thing was food. My friend, since I was in a little kid, has been food. My first addiction, my last addiction. So now to give up my friend that's been there for me, because when I had sex addiction, a drug addiction, alcohol addiction, it was okay to let go of my pal, because, you know, when I had sex addiction, a drug addiction, alcohol

addiction, it was okay to let go of my pal, because I got somebody else. But now for the last six, seven years, food has been my friend, my pal. The road has gotten so narrow, that's all that's the... Well, it's been just been that way, the kid was born. It's just been there for me. And now I have to let it go because it's gonna take me out. Like the guy jokes about that, but it's gonna take me out.

I'm going to get more and more sick every year that goes on if I keep eating sugars and all this poison shit. And I'm scared about that. And I don't want to come this far and let and and and and and and and have my son have to go through what I went through without a dad. Yeah. And I made that choice for him.

Yeah, but I did that. Now the flip side of that is like as you start to get really sick, you're going to look fucking perfect for that. Mob role. I just want to point that out for the month. Yeah. Like a month. I look wanna point that out for the month. Yeah. I feel like a month I look good. Can we shoot super quick?

I got a tight schedule. I'm gonna croak in a month. Now, can I ask you a question about that seriously? Yeah. When you do these, do you just like read a book or decide you can just try to do it on your own? Cause I would think that would be impossible. Here's the thing.

Yeah. I have quit alcohol and drugs when I was 15. Yes. I was done. Mm-hmm. People tried to get alcohol and drugs when I was 15. Yes, I was done. People tried to get me to quit from 13 to 15. I was in jail, I was in fucking rehab, I did all this shit. At 15, something happened and I was done. Okay, I was done and you can't explain it.

You don't know what that is, cigarettes. I was at my house, I have a carton. Yeah, we talked about this, I remember. I fucking, I'm done. And this time food, I came back from a rubah, and I was done. And a lot of it has to do with things that have happened with Max.

Like when we went to Bush Gardens, you know, that something happened, and I couldn't, you know, I was very scared about being on the roller coaster with him because the bar wouldn't go down, right? I can't do certain rides with him because I can't fit. That shit breaks my heart. Yeah.

And then certain things happen in a rubah where it was like, I might not be able to do this because of, because I'm too big. Uh-huh. And that kills me and that, it's not a good memory for him for him to see his dad just being this big. And that kills me. And that it's not a good memory for him, for him to see his dad just being this big. What will be, I came, I'm like, I'm done. I'm just fucking done. And I'm not going to listen to anybody. I found something that I went, this is going to work. I know it because I know me. The whole 30 is going to work for me because of I can have

potatoes. I can still eat. I can get an air fire and still cook food the way I like them. And I will not step on a scale, I don't care about the weight, I will lose weight and it will be a process and I know it's gonna be awesome at the beginning and it's gonna get tough, then it's gonna get good and then it's gonna get tough. Then there's gonna be the point where people are gonna,

you're losing too much weight, I know all these things are gonna happen, but I'm literally just have blinders on. Like this is what I'm doing. You gotta go to the gym. I know. Shut the fuck up. You gotta wear muscle hast, I get it.

I gotta, this is what I'm doing. When I get to the gym, I'll get to the fucking gym. Right now, I'm just not poisoning my body. Yeah, I would think the hard, the one thing, I think it's great. I agree with everything you're saying. Sorry, let me delineate a little better. Um, wait a minute.

We didn't think you were dumb. You didn't have to use a word delineating. Let us know that you have fucking a vocabulary. Excuse me. The one thing. The one thing that the show title you got. The one thing that I would think like drop. First of all, when you're 15, it, I think it's probably easier to change habits

because you don't have all that added time. You're sitting at the connection just being hard wired and fired together. And also, cigarettes are not something you have to put in your mouth every day. Neither is cocaine or alcohol. Food is something you have to put in your mouth every day. So I get, but you don't have to put in the poison.

Correct. But the cool thing about, that's why I I think when people like, oh, I'm on the keto, that every like athlete, like I talked to tons of athletes, people in fitness body build, they look at that diet and they're like, the fucking idiots who do this, it's just so stupid. I don't want to do that. It's ridiculous. It's for the, and here's the reason it's working. It's only working because it's so limited that it's calorie restriction. That's why it's working. It's not working because you're like, calories and calories out, that's all it is.

It's just fucking math, you know what I mean? But so that's why I think diets, basically I don't know what the whole 30 is specifically, but basically what you just said you could eat. That sounds like exactly what I pretty much. It is, but here's the thing too, is that once I got the corn syrup, corn starch, all this chemical shit out of me, and the sugar's out of me, I wasn't overeating anymore.

You don't, yeah, because it's... I wasn't eating like, it was like I didn't want, I was full, like I would eat and be like, I'm not gonna finish all this. And be like, I'm done. Like my brain started functioning correctly again. How long has it been that you're on it? Seven weeks, Tuesday.

Oh, really? It should begin, and it's getting tough. It's getting tough because. Emotionally, it's getting tough. Emotionally because of what I do. I'm on the road, I'm alone. You know, I really have to stay connected. You know, I've, I've, I have a family.

So I have this kid and I have this wife who I am so connected to now. Mm-hmm. When they disconnect from me, I'm fucking out in space in this fucking holiday and express. And there's honey buns about to be loaded in downstairs. And it's like, you know, if I call and he doesn't want to talk to me or she's like, look, can I call you back?

It's like, listen, Taw I call and he doesn't want to talk to me or she's like, look, can I call you back? It's like, listen, twat, I'll fuck hookers. I'll fucking fucking eat my face off. I'm gonna fuck this muffin, call me back. Yeah, like I'm, I need you to connect to me, you son of a bitch. You know, they may not be here there for you at that time, but you know who will be. Yeah. Your boy Justin Ryan over here. Excuse me.

Uh-huh. at that time, but you know who it will be? Your boy Justin Ryan over, yeah. Excuse me. Uh huh. But it's not, it's not, there fault. I have to, here's the sucky part about life. Is that, okay, I had to, like that happened this weekend when I was in a Huntington Beach. Yeah, nicest people in the world in Huntington Beach, by the way. And I, I, what it made me realize is that

I've been surrounded by fucking mean people my whole life. Being around nice people is the fucking, I'm like, this is, I feel like yeah, that's bullshit. They're not funny. Not funny. No, can't get sarcasm. You can't, don't. No, I was fucking with the kid at the front desk of the hotel.

It's like you're so aggro. He was like, yeah, he was very like, oh, I was like, yeah, you give me a shit room dude. I got a view, I got a view of the wall. He's like, I'm sorry, should I, I was like, do it on bus and your balls. It's like, oh Jesus. Oh, I didn't know.

I didn't wake up yet. Now you're dead, you've been woken up. It's known, fuck face. You have no sense of humor. You're dead inside. Yeah, but these nice people, it almost made me go, why can't I be nice?

Like, why can't I start? Why can't you just be like, hey, what's up? Hey, Justin, how you doing, buddy? You're nice. Yeah, I'm not. I went out to LA because I was like, I got so sick of New York people. I was like, I sick of everyone's fucking sarcasm,

ball-busting, and then I went out there and I was like, oh, this is unbelievable. Everybody's, I don't give a shit if these are fake smiles. This is awesome. And then two months in, you're like, can someone get a fucking joke here? Yeah. Sir, we don't understand,

I'm like, excuse me? Yeah, I know. That was a good one. Yeah, that was a great one. It was, I didn't even see it. Yeah. It just went in. And I was like, wow, and then you told me,

but yeah, I was fucking great. You're getting there. Now, let me ask you this question. Yeah. What was I talking about? Why do I go? You're saying you want to be nice people, happy? I'll be for that.

Right before that. I connected to your wife. And. Oh, so I'm out there. I'm a little fucking, you know, I got to do this corporate thing for Hyundai. It's so nice. Like corporate America

Of the nicest people ever. They're like, oh, this is awesome. You're doing so good Thank you so much, and then they'll go on the corner and whisper Guys, I love what you're doing But let's just steer it in on this direction. So they're just they it's a like I would be like listen You guys don't go but you can't fucking say that. We gotta go over here. That's the way I do it, but they're just so, like, let's, you know, it's like you're on a cloud,

which was nice, but I get fucked up. And then I'm alone, and I'm sitting there in this hotel room, I had dinner. One of the greatest things I've done and one of the saddest things I've ever done. I dressed up and had dinner by myself at a nice restaurant. Excuse me.

You did what? I think it's nice. You had an art estate with yourself. It was great, but it was fucking, one of the lonest things I ever did, but I said it was one of the great. Like I felt like I had my sweater on and a nice shirt and I had this beautiful meal coming. I was by myself on the balcony overlooking Continental Beach and I was just out there by myself

eating this very healthy meal like vegetables and some salmon and a salad and I ate and I had a cup of coffee black and then I wiped my fit and I paid the bill and I went out, I went back to my room and I was like, that was some weird shit. I don't know if it was good or bad. Was that a bad thing? Then I called my wife and they weren't answering or they didn't want to, no, they called. You didn't want to talk and

she was like I got to take the dog out and I needed that connection. I was like, wonder fuck off. It's the dark side of fucking this lifestyle. And that is the loneliness on the other side. And my point was, is that like I had to, I, usually I, I threatened myself with fucking abuse. I'm going to go fucking, I'm doing all this fucking abuse I'm gonna go fucking I'm doing all this work. I'm trying I'm fucking I'll go fucking meet somebody or I'll go try to get my dick sucked You know try to do I'll fucking go get a nice cream or you know, I deserve it Yeah, and I was just like fuck all right. I just sat there and I was just like I went to bed Like I just went to bed. I was like I'll just go to bed and get some sleep. And I woke up the next day and I called my wife and I was

like, listen, I need your connection on the road. I need you to fucking, so you can't blow me off. When I call you, I need you to connect with me because you're connection and max is connection to me. You need to get them off the iPad. If I call, I need him to put the iPad down and have a combo with me and talk to me because my love for him and my love for you, a little more him, but my love for you is what keeps me grounded to my life.

Fuck, I need that. Anywhere I am in the world. I need it. I'm a fucking maniac. Yeah. Especially on the raw maniac. How old you though? I'm 43 now.

And I'm a fucking, you know, yeah. I don't feel it. You don't feel it. You don't feel it really? I don't feel it at all. I mean, like, you know, like little sports injury's and shit, but I don't feel it. I know I don't look it.

So it's so easy to just like, it's like, I feel like I'm living on credit. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Especially after shows, I'm like, like I can handle a lot. So, just, you know, and then we don't want the high to go down.

Like I remember Yannis said the thing, he goes, we feel like we're entitled to just keep the fucking party going on. And so I don't have like a committed relationship right now. I'm like, this will go, I mean, I'll watch the sun come up. Yeah. You know, like, you know, it's not, but I have the structure, like fitness and all that kind

of stuff and the dog, you know, you know, like, I'm a disciplined person in other ways. Yes. But at the same time, I'm like, yeah, I'll time one on. Yeah. Often. And I'm like, but my thing is like, that's fine until, you know, you could force yourself to want to like stop habits, but there has to be that time where you're like you were just saying like you draw line. You sound like I'm just done. Yeah.

When I meet the chicken, I'm like, because I love being I love like feeling connected to somebody. I love like, I thought you're going to say I love the knees woman. No, I love. I love the food. The second I find some triggers, like I feel connected to this girl sex, great. We can have great communication and she lives close enough that I could legitimately start a relationship with her That would take that shit out. I'd be like done. I would I don't understand why this is fucked up to me because I got a girl who loves me and I look like this You're fucking Dude, I'm gonna say it. You're a fucking 10.

Oh, thank you. I don't think that's that. I mean, physically. I don't know what you are to deal with emotionally. No. But you're, I know that you're a good guy. I'm a good guy. I know you get a good family.

Yep. And I know that you love dogs. Yeah. So those things right there, tell me, you're up there for a girl's checklist. So what is it? Why the fuck are you married? How the fuck is he got somebody?

I'm going to answer this honestly. Listen me, no offense, right? You got somebody. He's got somebody. I got somebody. I'm going to answer this. Matt's got somebody. He had somebody.

How? I'm going to answer this honestly. It's you. It's got to be you, it's gotta be you. It's everything is you. Everything is like, that's like saying everything is up. Here's one point. Excuse me.

It's like saying, you know, God is ever, you're just making a, it's everything is you. All right, go ahead. All right. When I was in LA after that dog show that I had, I was trying to keep things going out there and I was like, oh, I moved to LA. My life fucking fell apart. So this is three years ago, you remember when I first came back? I do remember. And when I first came back, I was like to keep things going out there and I was like, oh, I moved to LA, my life fucking fell apart. So this is three years ago.

You remember when I first came back? I do remember. And when I first came back, I was like, listen, you have to focus, and I was depressed, but I was depressed for good reason. Like, you know, if you get depressed, it's the alarm system's going off, and you're off course.

So I came back to New York, and I was like, all right, here's what I want to do. I want to focus on the things I love to do, get the thoughts out of my mind. Like, you know, money so important, it is important. But like, do the things I love to do and the find the things that are going to make me happy, which I started doing, right? Yeah.

Now, in my mind, there was also like, I can't, I was also trying to reason with the fact I was like, you know what? You know, I've like masculine energy. So I'm like, you have to be able to take care of woman and financially in this and that. And I was trying to mitigate those feelings in my head. And I finally got to the point where I was like, you know what? It doesn't matter.

The person who loves me is gonna love me for me and there's different ways of taking care of a woman. And I know how to take care of a woman's like emotionally and in all these other ways. And I do make a decent living, right? So it's only in the past like year where I was like, you know what, things have really stabilized to a point, like emotionally and also financials.

Like, I'd be ready for somebody now. We got absolutely. So like, my answer is, now I don't think you can force those kind of things. So it's like, worse. You just have to be open to the, but you could shut it down. What?

You could shut it down. What do you mean I could shut it down? Okay, so you meet somebody in New York. Uh huh. They like you for you. They like down? Okay, so you meet somebody in New York. Uh-huh. They like you for you. They like you. They got a little money. They're cool. They don't need you. And you start dating and blah, blah, blah, right? And then you go on the road for a couple weeks. Yeah. And you're going to have just fucking smokers walking up to you after the show. Okay. And they're like, dude, I'll eat your ass. When I, when I'm in, let me finish. Okay, sorry. I'll eat your ass. They're going to eat my ass. They're going to, I, I'll eat your ass. When I, when I'm into, let me finish. Okay, sorry. I'll eat your ass.

They're gonna eat my ass. Say, I'm gonna eat your ass. I don't like that. Hang on one second, I'll reverse that. Reverse that. I'll watch you eat my ass. So good. Excuse me.

I want you to eat my ass. I'm gonna do a Billy Eilish one. I'm gonna eat my ass. She's 16. Sorry. I'm gonna do a Billy Eilish one. Okay. I'll eat your ass. I just 17. She's 16. Sorry. I'm going to do a Billy Idol one. I got a knees your mouth. I just have a team.

Go fight yourself. Excuse me. Legal in Connecticut. Go. Here's a dog. I'll answer that. Yeah. Go.

We're not meant to someone. Straight up. Straight up. Do you remember that? I'd be out this. I swear to God. I will not bullshit you with like the numbers of women I've been, I would never, I've never thought, please bullshit me.

No, I've never, I've never cheated on a woman. Never, ever. How many serious relationships have you been in though? Serious relationships to me are two years and longer and having lived with them. Yeah. You remember Aaron who you loved. It's been in my life that women that I've been in love with, it's been, it's been four women that are like two years and longer that I've been in love with and lived with.

Never cheated on. Never. What happened, Aaron? We had, you'll get this 100%. Me and Aaron, we were so much fun together. She never made us. What? Oh, sorry, I thought I'd get 100%. Aaron, who you love, do you remember? Yes, I do. So, security. She was like, I just, she didn't understand like an artist's brain in life. So, she's like, okay, yes, I do such a cutie she she was like I just she didn't understand like an artist brain Life so she's like okay, great. I get that like your foot, but why don't you just get a nine to five like there's people Listen, there's people there's people who understand you yeah, there's people there's people who accept you There's people understand you and then there's people that get you and like I'm a complicated person It's like you like I have to get someone and they have to get me like my family understands me like oh, yeah

Justin's crazy. He likes to do this I'm like, but you don't none of you get me You know what I mean? Like you're all like happy and you're like finance jobs and everybody marry someone Jewish And you will look exactly the same. I'm a puzzle tough. Get the fuck. I'm like this is so boring to me I love them, but I'm like I understand what you're doing, but I don't get you right so for me It was like Aaron while she accepted, while she accepted it understood me, she never got me.

But he was like, can I say something about you though? Please go ahead. Is that you are a fucking drama mama. Like I got somebody who wanted nothing to do with this business and was also let me be the drama mama. Like Dawn is from the 50s. Yeah. You know like when we had the kid, I'm like, what do you want to do?

She's like, I'm staying home. You're being the man, you're going to earn the money and I'm going to take care of our kid. I don't want to work anymore. I was like, whatever you want, you got it. Cool. And that's what she did. You know, every morning she makes breakfast for him,

every morning that she makes breakfast for me or she'll get a whack. No, I'm kidding. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So yeah, I mean she's she's the best I lucked out. Yeah, but I almost lost her because in my brain I thought there was something else that I made it I Can I let go of all this shit? What if I become really famous? What if I'm the I maybe I could fuck Julia Roberts What am I gonna do that? I literally this how fucking crazy I am, back in the early days with me and Don, I was like, dude, I'm gonna wind up marrying a movie. Like, I'm gonna be with her, we'll get married,

and then a movie star's gonna bang me, and I'm gonna have to fucking dump Don, because Cameron Diaz wants to fuck me. Yeah, and I'm gonna have to, I mean, what am I gonna do? How old were you when you were having those thoughts though? How long have you been with him? It was last year. Got it. Yeah, I was having them thought. Yeah, you How old were you when you were having those thoughts, though, how long have you been like? It was last year.

Got it. Yeah, I was having them thought. Yeah, you're fucked up. Where you going, Matt, you out? I'm just going back. Oh, okay. How old were you when you were having those thoughts? I was young, 20, something.

Right. Okay. That's really, really good. I've got like so much of that as an enemy system. But don't you think that when you were on that big show that you were going to be, you were on that big show, that you were gonna be, you were gonna be, cause you were right there, you were in the network world, and you were meeting those people.

I remember doing those up front, and I'm standing next to JLo, like, wow. I gotta do them again, into, in a week. Right. So don't you think that, now, no. You don't, so you're not, okay, now. Now, no. you think that now, no, you don't. So you have now, okay, now, no. Now, no, listen, I get, listen, I don't really necessarily, I always would say like I love,

I use your expression the other day, the one headshot per relationship. Right. Yeah. I think that's brilliant. Yeah. I wouldn't necessarily, I would never date a comic. Yeah. I would just nod to me that's like, I want to go home and like put work away to whatever

thing, because I'm always still working when I'm home anyway. Yeah. The podcast is like, I want to go home and like put work away to whatever because I'm always still working when I'm home anyway. The podcast is like, you never put it down. I don't want to be like, I don't want to listen, like, I don't want to have the same conversation in my head going on in my kitchen. It's not a sexist thing either. No, not at all. I love, dude, I'm Christina Hutchinson and I are partners on our show and all that shit.

She's great, but it's like, you know, she makes me laugh on her fucking Instagram. She's funny. Yeah, she's funny. She's ridiculously gorgeous too. Yeah, she's very, she's unconventionally pretty. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's beautiful. Yeah. Um, but no, I just like, wait, I lost my train of thought. Oh, you were just thinking about her boobs. I was. Um, one hat shot. Yeah. But like, I was at this point, I just feel like, no, we're not. There's plenty of times that I are like I fall for people and I get these feeling and then there's like things that don't make sense like they live way too far away and I'm like, ah fuck yeah, but when I get like, you know, that shit doesn't matter what the far away shit don't listen don't live in Boston. I moved to New York. Then she went to LA. I went to LA. I came back to New York. None of that shit matters because... You make it work if it's supposed to work. If you have to be, you have to have the ability to... Anytime something happens like that,

you have to, when the opportunity arises, you have to let that person in the door. And you know what it kinda is? You know what I mean? You have to let that person in the door. And you know what, can I say? You know what I mean? You have to. Can I tell you something? Yeah. There was, because I like being, like I try to be as bicostal as possible.

I know. When I meet people, when I meet people in LA, there's a girl that I dated in LA and in my mind, I'm like, listen, you clear this plenty of times, like he lived here, I live there, and then we want it to be together. So I'm open to all that shit. Yeah. like he lived here, I live there, and then we wanted to be together so I'm open to all that shit. Yeah, to me, it's just like, if you, if like, if there's no red flags, and someone, if you get each other, and the sex is good,

that's important to me. Like, it's just like, this will freaks me out of it. I'm open to all of it. This will freaks me out about a guy like you. Go ahead. Okay, because I see at the gym, I follow you on Instagram, you're doing these crazy things with a chain around your neck and you're fucking the cameras down low,

and you still look good, and you're flipping up up on a bar and you fucking little abs, you pull your pants down just a little lower than they should be. You can see stuff that we shouldn't see. I mean, I don't intend to. You lace that part. I can dick, I see. Yeah, excuse me. Right, yeah.

Yeah. But. But in my brain, can I say this and you don't get mad at me? I'm not going to get mad at me and you say I'm probably I can guess what you're gonna say good If you're if you're alone when you're 50 fucking eight and you know got anybody Isn't it all for not? I mean what do you mean all for not? I mean all this fucking shit you're doing, your mouth is just be a fatso and fucking, you're gonna be alone anyways.

I mean, I mean, what are you doing? What do you mean? You're so good looking, you have all the shit. Bobby, why are you not meeting somebody? Why is there nobody in your life? Why it's something about you? There's not you. Listen, I just explain, what more of an explanation?

I'm open to a long-term relationship, right? You can't force it. There is not you. Listen, I just explain what more of an explanation. I'm open to a long-term relationship, right? You can't force it. There is no but. What's the but? What am I, is my sex life gonna stop until I meet that person? Is your pack of weird? It's fucking fantastic. Epic J to send you a picture of it.

It's a screensaver. It's not at all. No. Listen, I said, Bobby, I'm open to a long term relationship. I can't force that. It's like when it comes to problems. We want to tell you, I'm looking to you. And if I was a girl, and you came into my life, the only thing that would make you mean,

not want to have you in my life is your packet was weird. You want to see a picture of my deck? I would like to see a picture of you deck. Let me see if Jay has it. Please send me a picture of you deck. Now would like to see a picture you deck. Let me see if Jay has it Please send me a picture you deck now listen this is the state between you and me Well, yeah, what are you nuts? We think I'm gonna fucking put it on my story We think I'm gonna put a little fucking hat on it and fucking make a Valentine's card out of it We think this is so funny. I have to go to my messages back and forth with big J to see if

I go to my messages back and forth with Big J to see if he... Cause the Adam and his screensaver. When was the last girl you were with that you thought you liked? Honestly? No, lie to me. Oh, like two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, and now she's gone already. All right, here we go. I know, watch out for the camera behind me now.

All right, don't get this. Let me see. Let me see you, Peca. Come on, let me see. Dude, I will camera behind me now. All right, don't get this. Let me see. Let me see you, Peca. Come on, let me see. Dude, I will marry you right now. You're my husband. I wanna get down. Get me a ring, Mike.

Frodo, let me borrow that ring. I'll give it back to you. Can you make a glass ring? Dude, you are a, you are listening to me. You are a gay man's fantasy. You are a little late woman's fucking dream. You are listening to me you are gay man's fantasy. You are little age woman's maybe she got a dream. You are Listen to me dude. I want to make a poster and hang it on the fucking studio wall That's Matt get that photo and I want an abstract poster him who took that

What did you what it fucking any Leibowitz come over you? No, you just put the you just put the phone in front and just sit back. What the fuck? Bobby, get up. I know I'm not gonna let you see it. Why? But would you see it? Yeah.

Can we show Gab? Let me see your face. If she feels comfortable with that, I will. That's not with fucking cameras. She can cover it. There's no camera on her. I'll keep cameras on her. No, I'm kidding.

She's dressed like. I don't keep cameras on her. No, I'm kidding. She's dressed like... I'm fully wearing pajamas. Oh, that's terrible. There you go. Okay. Oh, my God. How gorgeous is that? That's the perfect dick pick.

Thank you. Reenact it with the microphone, Jimmy. No, you reenact it. Any money you're going to do, Jimmy. Yeah, be sure. What? Hang on. Can I talk to my girlfriend for a second? I'd say perfect guy. Gabby. What? Hang on. Can I talk to my girlfriend for a second?

I'd say perfect dick pic. Congratulations. Let's start there. Listen to me. I will allow you to date him for a week. I first want. Gabby doesn't want me. Let me tell you something.

Gabby, I'm going to say this. This is what people don't realize about Gabby because they think that she's, you know, puking the show and she's on the podcast and she's an open micer. She's literally got talent shitting out of her fucking toenails. I know. Look at she's bred that way. Listen, have you seen it play the piano and sing? No. She did. She's fucking like me and my wife. I have a piano in my bedroom. I was listening. Listen to me. I was supposed to look at that view game. She just went because she went like this. She went like this. She went like this.

She looked at you like, I'll fuck you kid, relax. I relax there punk. She's talent out of her fucking toes. I'm not kidding. Sing's films act. She's a great actress. What's your movie called again? Morning, morning, you're in it. I'm in it.

Fuck it amazing. I think this might be the girl. Wait a second. An hour and 20 minutes ago, you just threatened her life, she went on a date with her. Because I want you to be happy. I want to be happy too.

And she doesn't, but she doesn't, yeah, you have a head chef, but you're not really going anywhere. Yeah, you're not like a, you're not a conventional narcissist. Yeah, you're not really making it. You're not really a narcissist. Fuck you.

You're not a narcissist. Bobby. I'm telling you, I'm not unhappy. I'm not, there was this chick I really liked. I was pursuing. I was like, oh, I was hit. And then there was some things that came off that I was like, ah, this is not going to work.

Whatever. I'm not going to talk about the details of anybody because I do that. Do we know her? No, you don't know her. Okay, then why can't she's not going to hear this? It's not important. It's important. It's not important.

Why didn't it work? Was it you? No, on this one, it was in me. I was like, I'm going to be open to the situation and there was a certain thing that I couldn't you be together. There was a long, it was, first of all, the distance was way too far. What? Afghanistan?

No. And then there was like, and then the age difference was like, this person's like going younger, older, younger, but to you. How are you? 25. And I was like, am I crazy? And I was like, yeah, that's way too young. How old are you? 25 and I was like am I crazy and I was like yeah That's way too young. How old you 43. I was like that's nuts. I have fucking dang cook it Just know it. Oh, I don't like no you got it. No, no, no, no, no, it's too. That's too young. Is it yeah, definitely I like yeah, like 30 or like some of you have like a real much You ever see a middle age world dude like I'm 26 look at me. It's fine. My cutoff is 25 You ever see a middle age woman in I will do like I'm 26. Look at me. It's fine. My cutoff is 24. You ever see a middle age woman in a fucking in a two piece? I've never

sold me 25. Let's. I'm open to it. I'm open to it. Don took her bikini off this year. She look like an Oreo cookie. She forgot the tennis stomach. I was like, what are you doing? Tanya fucking stomach. Get lunatic. She got naked. I'm like, what the fuck? What do you Barbie Benton with this? are you doing? Damn, you fucking stomach, you little dick. She got naked. I'm like, what the fuck, what are you, Barbie Benton with this tan lines? Anyways, Google that, Chris, you just fucking chuckled at nothing. I don't know, dude.

I just, I worry about single guys in their 40s. And then I'll be honest with you, here's the thing I don't wanna say. What, this is gonna scare me. No, this is gonna sound dicky. This is gonna sound dicky. Yeah, right? I don't want this sound dicky. I'm being 100% honest. love with me. No, it's gonna sound thick. It's gonna sound thicky. Yeah, right?

I don't want this sound thicky. I'm being 100% honest. This is me being like a, this is me being like vulnerable. There is a problem to the flip side because like the availability. What do you mean? It's like you get paralyzed by options.

You know, like if they show people 20 versions of your headshot, you can't pick. If they show you three, you can pick it in a second. Yeah. You have a lot of women. I'm just saying there's options. Do you have a lot of options right now? Yeah.

Yeah, of course you do. Have you seen your own pet, there's, there's, you get a flawless pet. There's a paralysis. Are you sure you're a Jewish? Yeah. That's a fucking flawless pet. Thanks, Bob.

And it's attached to just, oh my God, right? That's the real, the, kind of the background of the picture is making. Well, it goes up in the abs. It goes up, there's kind of a, it's a painting. It's a renaissance. It's a beautiful renaissance painting. I would hang that over my fireplace. Yeah.

It's fucking amazing. And why wouldn't you have a lot of options? That's your problem though. You get too many options. Yeah, I said that just now. I'm repeating it. Excuse me. I'm a rep. But that's my superhero power. I just repeat you. What you say is fact. Repeater. Repeater. I don't know. I mean, coming this fall, coming this fall, stop doing that. Stop doing that. Repeater. Don't do that. Repeater. Repeater.

Let me ask you a question though. Don't you get worried about, I mean, you're getting older and then what are you going to do? We're going to meet an old woman. Here's the, here's the guy with a cane and making wood shit in the hamper. Here's what I just said to you. I talked to my therapist. I talked to my therapist about this. I was like, listen, the only thing I can do is like, I'm open to a long-term relationship. I'm not going to, like, I don't have these things

where like someone's gotta be perfect, but I'm like, I know when I'll feel that with someone when things are right. I'm like, all you can do is be open to it. You can't force it. I'm not gonna go and hinge, I'm like, I'm a long-term. Are you intended?

No, I hate that shit. Why do you meet these girls? In person, I have no problem saying hello. How do you meet the girls? Where? Anywhere, I live in New York City. Talk to me. Where would you meet the girls? Where? Anywhere, I live in New York City. Talk to me. Where would you meet a girl?

Okay, weekly shows. Shows are the easiest. Okay, where else? At the fucking deli. I don't have a problem saying hello to people. All right, that's great. But my kids just walk up to a chicken and deli and go, hey, can I get your number?

She'll smace him, okay? Right. You're a fucking man. You're a fucking man. I think meeting people, I think meeting people on, I think meeting people on absurde, I tell you for a while, I'm like, it's such a waste of time because for the same amount of time you're putting in to get to the point where you actually have to meet the person face to face, I could just walk down the street. What's the difference?

Well, you can, not most people can't. You're asking me that question. I know, I'm asking that question, but that's a luxury you have because you're fucking amazing. Okay, thank you. Yeah, appreciate that. I can I'm asking that question, but that's a that's a luxury you have because you're fucking amazing Okay, thank you. Yeah, I can't get out of my head I'll send it to you. No, don't send it to me I can't do not because I want to know about how it's gonna help you when you're on the road

You just took yourself up to dinner and you're hungry Yeah, no one's there for me. You know who's gonna be there for you? I'm fucking gay get on the street I'm a cock at a club. I'm not fucking, I don't want that anyone near me. I don't want to, yeah. I'd rather, that's like having a picture of a pizza. Fuck it. I'm not having that near me.

Fucking barely hanging onto my sexuality. I'm not fucking, I'm not tempting myself with that shit. Just a fucking beautiful Staminka lacy dick. Staminka. Staminka. Don't dick for Russian. Um, Italian. I think it's Italian. Staminka. Yeah, I mean, we just fucking made it up. Make up sure. Make up words. It's a great word. I want you to get somebody and I think you need to...

I don't think you're gonna get somebody. And I think you need to, I don't think you're going to get somebody. Can I be honest? Yeah. Until you get ugly. I believe that when somebody like, you know, I, when I, I was sitting I was bald, I was a little chubby here. And I'm like, I should lock this chick down. I think, I think I'm, I think I'm, you know think I mean, I don't think Julia Roberts is coming my way. You know, and I was not to say that I love Dawn. I I felt the love too. Yeah. Like I was like, wow, I really love this person. And Dawn became prettier to me when I started to love her. Weird thing.

when I started to love her, weird thing. When I finally gave into my emotions and my love, all of a sudden, it's a weird thing. All the women didn't compare to her. I have zero problem doing that. Let me tell you something. This last girl that I dug, she was not like, if you had it, you know what you just made me do? I went like that.

Did you do that? I was thinking about your dick. I was just, I was just thinking your dick. I was just, get something in about it. She was not off the charts or anything like that. I was like, but I dug her. And I was like, then all the, I don't wanna say flaws, cause they're not flaws,

but all the little, all the things about them become beautiful. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's weird about them. Like things about them become beautiful. Like if I'm like, if someone's like, oh, I want some with huge tits and huge tits. And then they don't, you're like,

yeah, but I love very small tits. Like you don't give a shit. You don't give a shit. My wife, Mike has a better ass than my wife. And I love, I love my wife's ass. Yeah, I'm the same way. She's got a little flat butt. And I'm like, I just love it.

I love their little flat fucking everdass and I'm like, I just love it. I love that her little flat fucking Everett ass. I'm the same way, dude. If I think, if I dig somebody, I think. It's a weird thing, isn't it? When you like, when you love somebody, that body type becomes your thing. It becomes the fingerprint of the person that you love. Yeah, yeah.

Like I used to love like Puerto Ricans and You know, I love that. Oh man. I just loved it and I mean I still do. Let's just not get crazy if I cheat I'm done in a second if there was a hot pot. Did you get excited from that Super Bowl? Sponsored bike. Well, Goya and malaria. Sorry. Oh, well, go ahead and malaria. Sorry. Ha, ha, ha, fuck. Get in like it. I can give a shit about it.

I was literally in a room with a bunch of corporate people. They called it the war room with all these people. We were tweeting, live tweeting, me and Tony V. It was 20 people in the room, helping us. And one lady going, don't say that. Don't say this. Can't say that. Don't say that.

Sorry, can't say that. Like, literally corporate. And like, Hyundai was in the other room. And I was, I was, I was Hollywood Bobby. That came out, they look great, huh? Wow, they're fantastic. I was not gonna, because my comic instinct was to go, what the fuck is she wearing?

What did she go, what's, what's, you know? And I was like, wow, she looks fantastic. They look so good. Cause I was like, wow, she looks fantastic. They look so good. Cause I was like, I'm not fucking this kid. See, you became nice guy, Bobby. I'd probably would Bobby. It stinks. I call hollywood Bobby, yeah.

Oh, I'll fucking turn hollywood Bobby on. I think I'm gonna become hollywood Bobby. I think the last shot I'm gonna take is hollywood Bobby. I'm gonna, I think it's gonna happen. I think what next time. I go explode. Now, I might explode and I might kill myself but At least it will be a shot. I'm gonna take a shot. Hey, what's going on? Just how you doing?

Baba how you doing kid you want a coffee? I always get you you want a line? Yeah, you always get you a line. Whatever you want. Okay, just get him a line Can you get a line? Hey, and I'll be like gab do you mind? I mean, if it's a problem, I can do it. Could you get him a call and a fee? I can do it if you don't want to, right? Mike, good job by the way today. I mean, I know we had some problems, but we gotta work through them.

We'll get through it together. We'll work on it together, right? And Matt, whatever you need, buddy, let me know. We're gonna make it happen, man. I appreciate you coming in and doing, you know, being here today. Everybody's doing a great job. Hey, dude, I love that shirt.

Man, it makes me feel good. Doesn't make me feel like you're a fucking weird kid toucher at all. So you can't do that. Yeah, yeah, that's dope. No, no, sorry, sorry. Is that what I'm saying? You're gonna be in a fun, fun, LA puck. No, it doesn't make me feel like you have a bunch

of dream catches in your window. Fuckin' weird. Oh, look, I got one. You're a flea market humber. weird. Oh, look, I got one. You a flea market humper. Listen, sorry, sorry, sorry. Where are you going? Here you go. Are you going to pay?

I know where she's going. Did you send her a picture? Did she have your phone? No, I would not. I don't send pictures. She looks at that outfit. It's just terrible. If Gabby dressed, I've seen Gabby dress up. She looks great.

And saying. She's stunning. She's stunning when she dresses up. She, she's Jewish too. She's the hottest Jew. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, I've never even kissed a Jewish girl. But when she dresses like Jack Lemon,

she looks like shit. She really does. She's fucking just makes it, infuriates shit. She really does. Fucking just makes it infuriates me. She really does. She just like an acting teacher in the 60s. Like stop. Just put on regular girl clothes. That's a great reference and no one's gonna get, but it was really great.

Thank you. You'll get it because you're an actor. I just choked on my own spit. What the fuck was that? Did you spray this microphone with Lysol? Yeah, actually replaced the thing from the one fuck was that? Did you spray this microphone with Lysol? Actually, we replaced the thing from the ones in the bag. Did you spray this one?

Yes, they replaced. You just said it. Those two are brighter red, cause they're new. Great, can we just get new ones for everybody? So yeah, I have to get fucking comic aids. Well, dude, I'm glad, you know what? I'm glad nobody else came. This is a fucking great conversation I had with you and I hope that you, uh, I hope that you meet somebody, dude.

I'm open to it, dude. I know, but I don't think you are. What? Do you want to think I'm open to it? No, because you have so many options. You should be, you shouldn't do every option. You should do. Yeah, no, no, I've been thinking about,

that's what I've been thinking about. I was like, I gotta limit it, dumb it down, and then I was like, I was, you know how you're in sobriety because I was so before a while, remember in sobriety how you do thing where you write your like, what is it called? Now you're sex, no, not your force of you, write your sexual ideal or something like that.

You're like, this is what I would want out of a relationship. I remember I did it when I was going, like after you, when you go to Allen on, so you get like the more advanced version. Okay. And go to Allen on good. Okay. So I was just like, all right, these are the things.

I was like, and the list is more things that make sense for building long term happiness. Right. And like a lot of the things are like, okay, you know, they're reasonable, rational things. Right. You know, I think. So what I'm saying, like I had a, I started, I had to start over three years ago to kind of be like To kind of just be like, okay, now I'm ready. Have you ever meditated on this? Yeah, absolutely Have you ever did like affirmations on it? I don't do affirmation, but I write a lot on it

And I don't think that you don't like try to put it out there like your brain. I am yes I do that in the same form. Yes to it with with with with minor Differences in the way you're saying it, yes, 100%. I do. Yeah, I do that all the time. Yeah. I have to like, I have to say it out and set, like set an intention is basically what you're saying, so that you sort of walk around with that understanding in your mind and then you're more receptive to it as it comes. I get that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. Like as soon as like, you know,, I just left Jim Serbico, we don't work together anymore. I was like, as soon as that happened,

instead of being negative about it, instead of being like, you know, or fearful about it, I was just like, I'm, this is a good thing. Yeah, this is a great thing. This came to an end and now somebody else or something else or some opportunities coming my way. And I literally could feel it.

And then as soon as that happened, Lou, the next night someone walked up to me and was like, dude, this. And I was like, oh my God, yes. And then somebody else came up and was like, I'm in. And now I'm on this whole other adventure right now that is, I'm like, I would have never done this. If I was over there.

I said that this morning to a buddy of mine, he's like, how are you doing about that thing with that girl? I go, honestly, I go, this is a good thing because all it does is I'm just more clear about what the right thing is. It's the same thing I say about career shit. Like when you're like, oh, what are you gonna do

if this podcast doesn't work that way? I go, it doesn't work because the next thing is gonna be more intense with what I'm supposed to be doing. And I just like, even if whether that's true's true or not, you're bullshiting it, it doesn't matter, you stuff to live that way anyway. You stuff to live the way anyway. Right now me and you are talking this and Mike is being sized for his fucking costume

because he booked it. And I'm so excited to tell you about the fucking role I booked. Oh, what is it? Tell it to me. I booked, we have, I booked high fidelity with Zoe Kravitz. I play, it's in the middle right there. I mean, the one right there. I booked the, How you inravitz. I play it's in the middle right there I mean the one right there. I booked the uh are you in the post yeah? Let's watch the trailer. I what yeah

You in the trailer I play one of her exit. Oh, let's can we watch it? I guess you can we put this in the thing? I played Justin a stand-up comedian. There you are What's wrong with me make it big stop? Why am I doing to be reject go on YouTube? It finds on YouTube and make it big please I don't I don't there's so many of them on YouTube, homeboy. I think this is the one. You can't see it, right?

This is the one Justin sent us to watch. There's so many of them. I'm top five most memorable heartbreaks. I mean, it's just that. Hey, Kat, you could be a bit obsessive. My voice. And a little too entouched with your feelings. Let's work it out! You know she told me I was obsessive

and too entouched with my feelings? Oh, shit. Those are not the words I would use. That is crazy. Yeah. Never gonna be a boy, I'm not. You want to take a vision quest? I want to get past and source some shit out.

What was that? Is that Patrice? Go top, get out of the house, you have no sex. Come on. ["Snow and the Sun"] Keep listening. There might be more here than you thought. Where is she? Where are you? You just saw it when you see the five X's in the beginning right there.

Right there. So they show all five of her X's. It's like the main, like her main love that she has to go back and throw the record. This is love. So I grabbed it. I know you do because of your age. The show, I would not be, it's so funny how they're literally that's an Instagram story or an Instagram feed with the with the words. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, I love those. That's fucking crazy. I mean, dude, fucking she's beautiful. Hang on, one sec. Can we put this? Did we get the thing?

What's the phone? Rob, we I have to hold the phone up to the microphone because we still didn't get the Bluetooth thing that I told Mike to get and just get it and I'll pay for it. So Rob's prancer on the YKWD fucking 1999 style. Go ahead. I don't know, boy, what a surprise. I guess it got real real real. Yeah, what's up, buddy?

Well, I mean, I'm calling you to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy.

I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. okay, yeah, okay, okay, all right, thank you very much. All right, listen, I know you did a you did one roast two roasts and you think you're a fucking Don Rickles relax, listen, well, nobody's gonna go to enough roasts that you do. Well, let me tell you something. I saw your roast on Facebook. Fucking murdered it. This kid fucking sprints is a roaster. He fucking hilarious what up your brother went up in front of his whole this the second year that he will like all right rams gonna come up a murdered again fucking do you have writers or what

no my word every joke myself my god fucking great job buddy go to robsprance on facebook and check it out all right i'll call you back when we're done all right all right i love you goodbye I love you. Goodbye. I love you too, bye-bye. Rob Sprance, I think he likes to be called the founder of Riotcast. That was his title. Whatever, fucking, you know, he should just scare me.

I'm the founder. I was like, well, legal term is that. Okay. But weird legal shit that you know that I don't know that you're gonna get it mostly everything if something happens. But he's not anymore. And the the glory hole or the whole. Anyways, when are we getting the thing? Okay, can we order now? Oh, you mean the thing I told you to order three weeks ago?

Matt, didn't I tell him to order it? Matt's gonna take care of it. Thank you, Matthew. Hey, man, appreciate that. Hey, Mike, you Mike, you got a lot on your plate. Just grateful that it's not on my plate because my plate's full too. Can I add a line? Yeah, but if you say this and then you go. But if you need, if there's anything I can do, I can do it.

I need some of the pressure that I love. You let me know. Buddy, dude, you know what man? You're allowed to play. Hey, if there's anything I can do, because lighten your load a little bit, let me know. Let us know, okay. Give me an excuse me.

Well, you know, cause we're here, right? Right? Excuse me. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's amazing, dude. Cool, right. And now, how many weeks on the show? It was, it's just two episodes. Did you make fucking your benefits? Did I make my benefit? Did you make your, all the sad?

But because of just other things, not just on that alone now. Yeah, okay. This is a few episodes. Well, I always like, because we're actors too. Yeah. And the way, the comics, we don't have a union, the only way for us to make our healthcare is if we work enough each year

to where we make a certain amount of money to get. And if not, I think it's $1,400 a month or whatever the fuck it is, which is ridiculous. And you can't go to, you know, I guess you can go to urgent care, but like Mike, you go to urgent care, but like Mike, you go to the clinic in town and pay 50 bucks for anything. Do you know that?

No. There's clinics like the Chelsea clinic. What do you mean shaking your head? No, I'm saying I need a clonipin. Fuck that. What? I want clonipins. Fuck that.

And you wonder why you don't have a girl in your life. A respectable woman. A clonipin? You mean the drug? Yeah. I want a fucking. A colonipin, you mean the drug? Yeah, I want to fucking Benzona as I mean, to help me sleep, what's the problem? I don't know, why don't you fucking just get some Benadrelle and Rooktall the day.

Get some, what are you, Michael Jackson? What do you mean, I got a bullet gun out. To have a nap, that's worse for you. You get hang, I don't get hangovers. I think I got it. Thanks, Mike. Mike, did you know that? You can go to the Chelsea Clint.

Hey, Patel. Oh, what are you gonna do? I can't, you know, Mike, he did your best. It was great. Oh, God. I'm gonna fucking murder somebody. I gotta go to LA. I just gotta go live there and just learn the ways

of the fucking happy, you know? I don't think they're happy. Every fucking podcast out there is a happy bunch. Yeah, they all secretly hate each other with the upper tender friends. Oh, do they really? Oh, shit. Sorry, you don't understand how fake people operate. No, they all love each other out there. Hollywood Bobby's the best. Yeah, thanks. Hey, man, loves love. Anyway, you can take it like a piece of cake. Did you hear that? The bullshit train just went up.

You heard it, right? You heard it, right? Excuse it. What? No, seriously, Mike, you can go down to like the Chelsea clinic over on the 10th, you can go in and show them one of your tax returns, whatever you get. That's like, you know, what, fucking 80 bucks

or 100 bucks. And you will get a little card. anytime something goes wrong with you you can just go in and they'll do full physicals dental eye and dental yeah I want you to sit there and wait you're gonna get sitting outside like you're fucking new PlayStation's coming out with the target. Some days it's a little rough of the nut most time time I went, because when I first moved to the city, I had no money. I had nothing. And I had to go to the fucking clinic.

When I got the flu, when shit happened, when I had to get my balls checked, and you know, physicals, I had to go there, 25 bucks. It was 25 bucks. I need a little more now. 25 bucks, bang, go in. Don went to, we both went. Fuckin' who cares?

It's a physical. What are you gonna have there, a special doctor? You? You know just in case something happens. What's up? Raise your hand Hollywood Bobby. Hey, what's up? Go ahead man. I really gotta go to the bathroom is that okay? Yeah, man You got to do what's that saying when you got to go you gotta go man Great. I'll be right back. I come right back. We're gonna bring up your stuff anyways Kill me. I love it. Oh, please. I love your stuff. Anyways, I hate myself. He's like, just kill me. I love it. Oh, please kill me.

I love you too. Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. Anyways, yeah, I was in Huntington Beach this weekend with doing the Hyundai thing. And it fucking killed me because they had me in this chair

and I looked like just accentuated my fat. Why? It was like it wasn't like a chair like this where I can sit up and kind of like hide it. Because you know, basically I'm wearing a cape at all times just to hide my fat. Shelby guys know, right? It's our it's our cape. Like your role not with no cape.

You know, you just lost a ton of weight, but you still have your cape on just to hide the side. You know what I mean? It's fat tricks, you know, you just lost a ton of weight but you still have your Cape on. Just to hide the side. You know what I mean? It's fat tricks, you know? And my wife, Dom, bought me this amazing jacket, standing up, standing up, it's fucking the shit. Sitting down and the arms were this big, it just made my stomach look like a basketball.

And I saw the video and it's like, we already filmed it, I couldn't say anything. And I was like, I just take the hit on being fat. And I saw the video and it's like I can't we already filmed it I couldn't say anything and I was like I just take the hit on being fat And I lost weight so that's the thing it was bumming me out It's like I lost weight, but I'm still taking the hit on being a fat fuck and it's like God It's I'm just gonna have to it just stop next time. Well, it is what it is It's just you know the probably even when I'm lose weight They're still gonna call me a fat fuck.

I think it's just it never gonna happen. But much weight if you lost so far. 23 pounds. That's a lot, dude. And if you're doing it that way. Three babies. That's fucking, that's a lot, new. Three babies.

Three babies. Yeah. I was carrying literally three babies like this. Waaah. Around my stomach. Crazy. But I did that this week and you know, it's fucking great. I mean, fucking Mike.

And we filmed last week, we filmed Anthony and we filmed Jim Norton on Live From The Shed, which I'm very excited about. That's coming out this month. One of them's coming out this month, the next month that I just booked, I just booked the biggest guest of all for Live From The Shed. So I'll be making that announcement when I lock it in but it's a big one. I mean, it's up there with your dad

Your dad was big I mean that was fucking big. It's right. It's like right there. It's your mom. Oh my god You're a real mom I found her oh You're a real mom. I found her. Oh my God. I'm getting. So, yeah, it's going to be great.

Patreon.com slash Robert Kelly. If you guys want to see the Billy Burr episode, the Keith Robinson, the Rich Voss, all these things are up there. If you don't want to talk about life and the shed that's on the YouTube page, if you want to watch a couple of them, we've always put a couple of them out there

like a year or six months later. But the newer episodes are on patreon.com and become a member because we use all that. If you're a fan of this podcast, you want to join that. It's a cup of coffee and you're done and you get this show free first every week. You get one-on-ones. You get the live from the sheds. You get As Bobby. We do all that stuff right up on that on that. So patreon.com says Robert Kelly. Become a member and support the be support my show and all

the stuff that I do. What else we got Mike? Well, make sure you follow your dates. Creeps the kids this weekend. Yeah, we're back. Rich feel Connecticut. Right? Yes sir. Creeps the kids. Rich feel friddy. We're back. Richfield Connecticut. Right? Yes sir, creeps of kids. Richfield Fridays, Friday take a still available. Saturday there's a few left. And then the Grammar's a theater. Big one, March. March.

14th. Yeah, so go to creepsofkids.com for the tickets. It's the funniest toy you'll see. It's me, Bennington, Florentine and Rich Vos. We're going to have guests come in New York and maybe even Atlanta and Tampa. So it's gonna be fucking great. It's, last time we did the show in Detroit,

Ron gets a standing ovation, then I walked out and got a standing ovation. What show do you see where two people get a standing out? Not because of fame, just because of, they just, we murdered. It doesn't happen. It doesn't fucking happen. So, um, what else we got?

The next week, you know, your little Midwest tour. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm going to Cleveland Valentine's Day. I'll be out there with the Aaron Putnam. What else? Well, who else? The Winchester.

Winchester, I was there last year. On Thursday, the 13th, you could be at the Walrus. Yep. The Walrus. And then on the 15th, you're at Tath, Ruporium. Yeah. So go to my website, check out all those dates. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

It was a cool ghost. Yeah. Robert Kelly live. What'd you say? All you want Instagram at Robert Kelly live. I follow my silliness on Instagram. I'm looking at the best, but I try. So funny on Instagram.

Come on. I think so. Really? Yeah. I watch. I follow it. You, but I try. So funny on Instagram, come on. Yeah, I think so. Really? Yeah. I watch, I follow it. You do? I do.

There's very few people, so I actually watch. And I'm like, you're one of the ones I actually watch. You like my Instagrams? Yeah, I like them. I like when you do the techie shit also, I like all the stuff with Max, I dig it. I'm a fan, buddy. I've always been a fan.

We should try. Try and get you on when we do plugs. I'll nag you about it in a second. You're a plug right now. This is your time. It's your spot. So it's at I Am Justin Silver on all social media platforms. But Instagram is the only one I really give a shit about.

And I Am Justin Silver.com is my website. Hi Fideli comes out on the 14th on Hulu. So please check that out. And then the shows, I'm on the road a bunch, but shows I want to talk about in the city are myself and Christina Hutchinson host We're Not Bang and because to the sort of the views all the internet chatter that the two of us are in a relationship or not. The fact that you guys haven't banged is a shame.

Well, I don't cry. It's not. I don't shit where I eat. I love working with her. She's like, I just don't I know we have a great working relation. Awesome. You should bang once. We're not bangin' which I've been trying to get you on. We stood at the stand. The next one is February 12th. What do you

talk about? Listen, we just co-hosted it. Well, I love when you get out of it. We just co-hosted this show together and we bring up fucking great comics. Voss has done it. Bonnie does it. Florentine's done it. And then it sold out shows and then we do an after party where we just crank the hip hop up stairs. I buy drinks for the whole room. We have specialty cocktails sponsored by Tito's and some of the money from all those drinks. I sent to the rescue shelters.

So it's like you come and it's fucking great. And the show is like the audience is so good. The stand is so goddamn gorgeous that room. It's just a bomb. It's the bomb. So I'll do it. I'll do it if you come up to my house and teach my dog. You not not dig and I was just gonna bring this up on me. I was just gonna bring this up Let me get to it because I remember you asked me that so

February 12th is the next one if you go to I am Justin silver.com You can get tickets for that in the show you or just go on my social media and go to my stories But that show usually sells out and it's a blast the next thing I'm doing I Started because I get constant dog questions but that show usually sells out. And it's a blast. The next thing I'm doing, I started because I get constant dog questions. I can't be texting everybody on Instagram answers to things like that. So I'm starting this new podcast on Patreon.

It's patreon.com forward slash TLD is in the language of dogs where people just write in all these questions to me and I will answer everybody's dog questions. And then I put demonstration videos to show how I do How I will do exactly what I'm talking about like so you can see it and try it at home and it'll have product reviews Demonstrations tips and tricks all that so I will come up and show you someone ask me about a dog digging like that Yes, and I will shoot a little fun video about it

So other people have those it's issues. We'll put it on the page So I don't I'll get the info and you'll get some Patreon content. That's great. Sure. Fucking love it. Yeah. So it's Patreon.com forward slash. Yeah, patreon.com forward slash TLD and like, and then I would buy that Patreon to be honest with you. I would subscribe to that Patreon because that's I love that type of information. It's and yeah, and I pack it like on my sessions I deal with so much crazy shit that I'm like hold on just hold I have someone hold the phone up like this is exactly how to do this and just show you how to do it in real you're real good teacher

Thank you. I've seen you do it. You're really good at it. Thank you. I mean, I mean, I know I should be funny right now I'd say something funny. I appreciate that. But you're really good at teaching dogs, and new tricks. But, no, but you're really great at that. That's why I would love to, if you came up and because she's getting up on us right now and I want her not to. I said this, I said, you just let me know when

and I will do it. Come on. Tom out of town on the road. I did that last week. I mean, you said that last time, I gave you a day. Bobby, I'll do it next week. When? I'll do it next week.

After this, we'll look at our calendars. I'll do it next week. Okay, great. Next week, come up. Yeah, as long as it's not raining, we can do it. And my wife isn't home. Okay. Great.

And I want to play the drums a little bit. You want to play the drums? Yeah. Yeah, I do. I got two sets. I got acoustic and electric. Wait, you got a real kit now? Fuck yeah. Where, dude. I got two sets. I got a coup stick in electric wait. You got a real kit now. Fuck yeah, where Where do you have a basement?

You ever been a man? Bump out Bump out Bump out Bound, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, yeah, I have two. Wait, in that room or in the basement? No, I don't have a basement. I got a fucking crawl space.

You got to do it in the daytime, right? Or your neighbors go fucking banana. Well, I got the electric one. You put the headphones on. That's what I'm saying. When do you play the acoustic one? Whatever. Yeah.

Life piece. Six. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. When you play the acoustic one whatever yeah, I've peace Six can I answer your question. Yeah, when you play it you go You know why I don't do that because I'm not a fucking pop band. You don't do that. I'm rocking roll Yeah, dude, I'm fucking every dude is boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom yeah I know that that's yeah what is it that's a vent 7-fold. No, it's metallic. Fuck, it's such a true. It's such a... Oh, you did it. It was metallic, so I had a true. Yeah, I was just looking at you.

That's all. Ah. Excuse me. Excuse me. Ah. Gabby, what do you have? What? I...

It's a fun one. It feels like you... I feel like you just made a shirt out of a teddy bear. This is a comfy shirt. What do you have besides a boy face from the Netherlands? Sure. A young, young boy.

I have a podcast called Unabashed Podcast. I have a monthly show at the stand first Tuesday of every month called The Aller Time of the Week. I heard that selling out. Selling the fuck out was last night so fun. Yeah, that's great. My dad was the audience screaming again. Yeah, what were screaming your punch lines? No, we were like doing stick. Oh really? Yeah, how was it? He was having the time of his house his show so good. Is it out yet? 31st year. Her father has a show called Diana, right? Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna come. And it's fucking perfect timing

with all the stuff with the world family. But it's really amazing. I mean, her father, you know what I'm saying? He's a fucking rock star. Yeah. But he wrote this fucking beautiful musical. And it's pretty amazing. The lead is awesome.

She's insane. Yeah, so that's coming out. It's coming out on Broadway, which is awesome. I can't wait to see it. Are you in it? No. It doesn't love you. I played original Diana in it.

You did? I did. Are you in it? No. No. Why? You don't want to. I don't like musicals.

You sing so good. Thank you. Can you sing a little bit? No. Please. Will you sing for me later? Sure. Yeah.

If, listen, here's all I ask. Don't let them come in you. How would you track that? How? Yeah. I have, I have come track around you. It's an app. I said new app. Come track. Come track. If you come in here, my phone will beep. If I see if it smells his come. Okay. Now how I got his come is none of your business. But I did it for your wellbeing. Sure. Sure sure it's all for me. I also have a monthly show in Brooklyn for Wednesday of every month called Jiggy with it. Yeah.

Can I do it? Sure. In Brooklyn? Yeah. I love going on Brooklyn. What about a show in New York? I'm in Manhattan. You're showing New Yorkers all women though, right?

We usually do all women in one place. I'll do fine on that. How funny. I know you will. How come when I ask you for a girl on the podcast, you're like, I don't know. Cause every you go back and forth, whether you want a girl or not, I do want a girl. Okay. And we're going back to nights.

Yes. Nights. I want nine o'clock. Yeah. Eight o'clock and nine. What do we do next week? We have an afternoon on Wednesday and then we're going back. Night.

I'm like jacked up to get like here. What? I'm like jacked up to like get my energy up at this time. Yeah, absolutely. Because I'm used to being funnier later. So it's like this is like computer time and all that shit. I know, I fucked. No, no, no, I had a great time with you.

I love you. Oh, I'm gonna take it on my car. Fuck me. Uh, you fucking got me yapping so much. Sorry. I love you. It told you you got to take it the app. Yeah, I think I'm the com tracker app.

Hang on, I gotta get, see if I can do this for the first time. Third ticket inside me. Network timed out. Not yet. Remember 10, 5, 5, 4, 4, OK? Remember that, OK? 10, 5, 5, 4, 4, 10, 5, 5, 4, 4.

Is that what I said? OK, park Okay, here we go two hours. What do you got continue? Oh, man, that might be for as you know, me on history, I mean is also Yeah, that's about it right now. Chris At not that cheney ch eany y. Oh, I goty. Oh, I got a Twitter, follow me on Twitter, at Gabby is Brian, about 35 years too late. That's okay. Follow the podcast at Wikew2BDude podcast. Make sure you like and subscribe to us on YouTube.

Leave a review on iTunes. Let us know what you like. Don't like what you want to see, who you want to see on here. You don't have the camera on me right now. Keep it on Bobby. Take your moment, mush. No, come on, I'm. Keep it on Bobby. The comment mush. No, I'm sorry, I'm leaning back like this.

So it's like this is my head sticking out. So yeah, look at Busted's pretty eyes right there. Justin Justin. Give you the different name. You got Justin? I call you Dustin for some reason. We worked together on Clvv. We had fun, dude.

Uncle Vinny is still alive. We had fun. I know. I know. We had a lot of fun, man. We were like four days. We were fun, dude. Uncle Vinnie is still alive. We had fun. I know. I know. We had a lot of fun, man. We were like four days. We were sleeping in the car. A lot.

You were sleeping in the car. I was driving the car that you were sleeping in. But we had a lot of fun. We were singing the song. We were singing. We had a little, we were singing your, your, your pop-a-songs. Oh, yeah.

In Jersey. Okay. Let me tell you something. It's a front of Joe's forever. Forever. I'll cry while I'm singing forever. What is that? Sing it a little.

And my jacket is the key. When Bunjoe is singing. What is it? Bunjo singing forever. What is that singing a little in my jacket is the key We'll bun Joey be saying. What is it? Banzhoui forever always always Singing I can't sing Switch the words I will love you baby. Oh, always. Wait a second. Are you? Are you there for you? These five words I swear to you.

That's the other two. I'm sure those good though. You're going to just bust into a ton of lo que son now. When you breathe, I want to be the ale for you. Wow, the ale for you. I live in a job for you. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I want to be the air for you Wow for you I live it I die for you I've been words in the sky for you Words can't say what love can do I'll be there for you Are we here? Is there a part for me in the musical?

No Wait, are you doing it? What's that song that you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, are you, Broken hearted Wait always is the best one Jovey song that was that fuck it. That was a good one But the best one is the best one is what? Boo do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Isn't that little V. Stancy does because I'm a cowboy Wow, yeah, you know what's up? You're a fucking different type of animal man. What the fuck does that mean? Excuse me. I What about you there fucking kitty cat? Is that your job by the way? Huh? Oh here comes Chris. I thought Chris why don't you sit down and try and fucking bomb on the podcast? We're gonna get Chris Chris every time we give him a shot. He just fucking balls. I know. It's so cute. Yeah, put it on what do you got

I'm at mtp glass on Instagram. That's your thing. Yeah, so if somebody wants a little glass ball Yeah, what else do you do? Do you do glass eyes? Not ones that go on body. I can make a little one. What are your friends with Sammy Davis? Junior what do you care? What do you know the glass eyes? I thought there would but I can make a little one. What do you friends with Sammy Davis, Jr.? What do you care? Who do you know with a glass eye? I thought there would be fun even when I make a glass eye. Yeah, that would be.

Someone who didn't have a glass. So you could make whatever you want glass-wise. Yeah, that's pretty wild. Yeah, that's fun. That's awesome. Well, maybe you know, maybe with your machine you'd do like a logo for the YKWD. Yeah, I'm down.

Maybe a glass something. Are you smoking out of? Oh, that'd be so good. Yeah, I'll smoke a pipe out of it. Can I smoke tobacco? Sure. Yeah? Could you make me a glass pipe YKWD pipe?

Yeah. Yeah. Like a nice, what a dude pipe. Yeah. That's a good one. That'd be good. What do you got Chris, anything? I already blocked, but not that, Chee-Ni.

Yeah? No, I meant like in life. Oh, no. Nothing. No. How are you? I'm good How are you? Jesus fucking stinking pot guy thing. How are you? I mean, what do you got come on? Come on. What what do you got? We did this already while you were Shitting yourself. Yeah, I know. What do you what did you say while you're sitting yourself over the ticket? I know I'm to the five got a 60 feet. He's gonna get it He's gonna I bet he comes back with the ticket and you got one

All right, I'm gonna do a boxing class together. What you say to me? Do you want to do a boxing class together? Why I think that'd be funny Why I do boxing all the time. I'm fucking great at it. Yeah, let's box. I told it for seven years You taught I'll fight you let's fight. That's fuck you. You will look You will lose. Let's have a fucking YKWD fight. You'll snap me in half. Fight that. I'm very strong though. I have a six back. I'll punch you right in the gut. You have a six back.

And then kick you over the ropes. I don't like my six back. What'd you say? I saw. It's not up to you. If too? No, it's not up to you. I'm not saying it was up to you.

It's just that first fight. Yeah. Jesus. I have a six back. I'm very strong. Yeah. If you fuck him, I need to know. No. It's like a...

I don't want you to tell me. You to tell me. I would love if you guys became boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm not looking for anything serious. Yeah. No shit. No shit. You were in the...

I'm in the prime of my life. I'm going off. You look like a math teacher out of fucking the 60s. Stupid shirt. You're taking a close. Fuck it fucking the 60s. Stupid shirt. You're taking it close. Fucking even he hates your clothes. I wear that fucking shirt. I wear that.

His shirt is fire. That's not fire. That's fire. Yeah. It's a kitty attacking a ship. Yeah, it's actually very dangerous. Those guys work hard. They have families.

They were just trying to get a whale for some fucking light and make some money, and that cat comes out of nowhere and fucking attacks the whole shit. That's bullshit. Bobby, you're a fucking documentary guy, right? Yes, ma'am. Dude, there's this documentary night on Earth. Did you see it?

Uh-uh. This shit is, it's wildlife one, right? Yeah. So they'll take these animals and they got these crazy ass cameras where you just see like the infrared shit. Yeah. And you see this, like, you see this? It's wildlife one, right? So they'll take these animals and they got these crazy-esque cameras where you just see like the infrared shit. And you see this, like, you see cheetahs climbing trees to hunt these fucking birds

and then get them in full. It's awesome, dude. A better one. Beware of cats. Is that the one? So that one. What, don't mess with cats. That's different.

That's true crime, though. Oh, that's a fucking this guy was going cats Oh, yeah, it was killing cats and this this face group is like we got to find this guy this guy's killing cats These animal lovers then they're like he's gonna kill a person worse than they know because it doesn't go anywhere They know why would you tell the ending there is no ending? That's a point they don't find it. Oh, there's nothing to find. I did not ruin anything. You ruined everything for me.

For me. Fuck me. All right, anyway, as best fans in the fucking world, I love you guys next week, tune in, and that's it. You know what, dude? We'll see you next week. You've been listening to YKWD Podcast. Thanks for listening. Now go back to your shitty jobs.

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